#this also applies to sufjan stevens tho

[bitchboi63]

i love angry whiny guy music which makes you confused about if they sing about jesus or a lost love

[absurdly-overpowered-astronaut]

I named some characters for each question but you can do any character or as many as you want I don't mind ^_^

1) Does your OC have a voice claim, if so who? - I'm curious if any of them do..

3) What song describes your OC? - tory and anyone else you choose!

6) If your OC is in a fantasy setting, what profession would they be in the modern day? - tolver and morgannn pretty pleaseee (or anyone else you want)

11) What was your inspiration for your OC? - another blanket one, any crows character is good

16) How's their relationship with their parents? Are they alive? - Tolver aaand joycie

23) Is your OC reliable? Can I call them up at two in the morning if I have a flat tire? - Alex and Kat

29) Imagine a mood board for your OC! What's on it? (Make it if you want!) - uhmm grey moodboard grey moodboard!!!

Aaand extra bonus question, which one would get along really well with akitsu (if any) and which one would absolutely not (if any)

Thank you so much for the ask!!! I had lots of fun with this sorry it took so long though ^_^;

I tried to do it for all the main characters / characters with POVs but thats alot of people so not everyone is included for every question…

But thank you again for asking so many questions. You asked lots of the ones I really wanted to answer so thats exciting!

1) Does your OC have a voice claim, if so who?

Its not something I really think about or consider often when I make characters so none of them have “official” for lack of a better word voice claims but I do remember thinking that Juliet probably sounded something like Jenny from deadboy detectives so Briana Cuoco is the closest I have to a voice claim for her.

(I don’t have any full art of her yet ahhh please accept my messy concept sketches ,^_^,)

I also remember wondering while watching the Witch From Mercury dub if Suletta was what Kat would sound like.

On the one hand Kat isn’t on T so it would make sense for his voice to be more fem but at the same time canonically he passes so then would it not make sense for his voice to be more fem because then he wouldn’t pass??? I don’t know but It has the perfect vibe though!

On the topic of The witch from mercury maybe Number 4/5/Elan = Tory/Cory?

I’d need to listen to his voice a few more times to be sure but thats the closest match I can think of to how Cory sounds in my head of the top of my head.

3) What song describes your OC?

Tory 110% ghosting by mother mother and Comfort zone by Ferry

I also associate him with

- Theory of I by Tart

-Homunculus by Trickle

-John my Beloved by Sufjan Stevens

-Shama by Nilfruits

-Cutlery by uki3

-like a dog by ferry

And Melty Land nightmare by Harumakigohan

Tory is a little hard because most Tory songs are also Cory songs so I tried to stick to the songs that only/mostly apply to Tory

Doing ever other POVs for funsies

Kat

- Say it/the moon will sing/predator by the crane wives

-easy by waveform*

-transient by the blank minds

-will anybody ever love me? By Sufjan stevens

-aishite! Aishite! Ashite!

I can’t become a floret/The third heart/Mikage’s Diary by Harumakigohan

-youyaku kimi ga shindanda

-I could’ve sworn you where dead by dandelion hands

-cutlery/quiet room uki3

-fool/lemon boy/snail cave town

-cosmic rendezvous by deco*27

Kat post story + a couple years of therapy

- tho I’m a tortoise

Cory

-Mama told me by mother mother

-soft and tame by the ophelias

-on the run by glass animals

-I of the storm/organs by of monsters and men

-your biggest fan by voxtrot

-javelin (to have to hold) by sufjan stevens

-take you to an alien by iyowa

-mud by Ferry

-the third heart/aster harumakigohan

-merry Christmas please don’t call by the bleachers

-Quite room by uki3

-sunao janakute gomennasai by aoya

Morgan

-Know how/keep you safe by the crane wives

-arms unfolding by dodie

-lost in the ocean by glass animals

-Zero talking by harumakigohan

-poison by cave town

-these days/upper hand/black ribbon by the Ophelias

-in the black by august greenwood

Grey

-here I am / canary in a coal mine by the crane wives

-neither here nor there eleisha eagle

-HIDE/SEEK by tart and monochromenace

-never the muse by madilyn mei

-mothers ,sisters , daughters and wives voxtrot

-monitoring by deco*27

-The kaleidoscope by monochromenace

-the faulty feline philosophy by ferry

-additional memory by jin

-living millenuim by iyowa

-leave you on the back of earth by Iyowa

Tolver

-Mad dog by the crane wives

-unfriendly hater by meddmia

- dinner bell by harumakigohan

-The Purge March/Deep cover/Harrow/bring it on! - deco*27

-red hour by tart

-scapeg♾️goat/pathological facade by ghost and pals

-ten feet tall by cave town

-who said anything about falling in love by the hoosiers

-like a dog by ferry

Alex

Seven by sleeping at last

Joycie

-I love you/this is how to be in love with you/parasite by deco*27

-idea of her /I’ll make cereal by cave town

-how I learned to love a bomb by glass animals

Goldenray/reunion/the secret/the promise by harumaki gohan

Hanahaki syndrome by shiki miyoshino

Ikanaide by sohta

Two by sleeping at last

Always forever by cults

Looking out for you by joy again

James

My angel by adrianne lenker

potpourri-san by iyowa

Mars by sleeping at last

Jaime

-the otherside of paradise by glass animals

Julie

Occam’s razor/message lost/false disposition by Ferry

Mars by sleeping atlast

Madeleine

Half return by Adrianne lenker

All is well (good bye good bye) by radical face

Heat abnormal by iyowa

Ithas

I ate my twin in the womb

Ikanaide

sorry the song section was sooo long ^-^;

6) If your OC is in a fantasy setting, what profession would they be in the modern day?

Um idk how to approach this? ^^; the world of crows is pretty much just the real one but with ghosts and even if the supernatural elements didn’t exist the main characters wouldn’t have jobs because they are in high school…so I’m going to answer this question for the adult characters because if the super natural elements didn’t exist they would have different jobs then in the crows one.

Juliet - teacher aid. Is a little disillusioned but enjoys working with most kids and teachers.

james - worked at the old museum in town before it got shut down and begrudgingly moved to working at the one in the city. He loves it but hates that he does and he feels like it’s a betrayal of the town he loves and didn’t want to leave so he can never quite be fully happy in his new position. Feeling like he abandoned the town community for his own success/sake.

Jaime - youth councillor/helps run the town youth centre.

Madeline (not an adult but would have become one if not for super natural elements) - aquarium guide. I think she would love guiding people around aquariums and talking about all the creatures.

I also think she bugged james into coming with her to the city aquarium once and then she fell in love with the atmosphere and all the cool creatures and now with his city job they take turns driving each to work/bond over having similar jobs.

in this hypothetical she won’t have the same feelings about her life being worthless and her only existing to do one job so she’d let herself get a job she loves and set up a stable life.

Probably decorates her lanyard with cute sea creature stickers.

11) What was your inspiration for your OC?

Kat and Cory

Okay so this is a little complicated but essentially both started out as expys. Cory was a Lelouch expy and Kat was a suzaku expy. They don’t really resemble Lelouch and Suzaku very much anymore Cory being dramatic and liking chess and Kat’s feelings of needing to atone are pretty much the only things that survived. So after I made the Suzaku and Lelouch expys I wanted a world to put them in and I was writing this story at the time so I put them in there.

They ended up becoming their own characters at this phase but they aren’t quite Kat and Cory yet so I’ll call these guys proto cory and proto kat for simplicity.

In this world there was like two planes a real world and like a p5 esc metaverse. You could access the other world viva a website and one of the big twists was the characters thought they where getting transferred from the real world to the other one but really they got a cloned version of themselves made in the other world and then the the memories of both versions where synced up so the other world version had all the real world versions memories and vice versa because the real world version was always just sitting at a computer when the other one was awake there wasn’t any simultaneous memory conflict.

Proto kat was one of the users of this web site so he had a version of himself in both the other and real world but one day his real world self died which the other world one remembered but wasn’t effected by so he saw it as him having a second chance at life.

Proto Cory starts using the website sometime after this finds the other world version of his friend and flips out. He is terrified that his memories of him and his friend will be retroactively ruined and he dosen’t really see the other world version as his friend just a guy with the same face so he tries to kill him :) Proto kat tries to just avoid proto cory at first but eventually tries to kill proto Cory too because in his mind thats the only way he will be able to live and he knows if he kills off other world proto cory real cory won’t die so its totally fineeeeee

This story didn’t end up panning out. Even though I liked the main cast and these two and another character the rest just wasn’t making me excited anymore so I moved to another story that lasted like 3 weeks at most? I’m only bringing up this incarnation of the characters because this is where kat gets alot of his personality traits and some building blocks for other characters start showing up.

After this incarnation of the characters is scrapped I go back to the multiple bodies/identity shenanigans stuff from the second iteration and come up with the idea for Crows premise and Kat and Cory evolved from there to fit the new premise and ideas I wanted to explore.

I was either watching dead boy detectives for the first time or it was when the show got cancelled because I was thinking about it alot so I was getting really excited about supernatural stories. thats how crows went from magical girl sci-fi to sci-fi to super natural/low fantasy.

Tory doesn’t pull from any past iteration because he was specifically created for Crows and every aspect of his character is based on the lore/themes which is spoilers so I won’t go to much into it _^_

Morgan is based on my fear that I’ll start living out of fear of dying and not because I want to be alive. I thought hmm what would be an interesting theme to explore in a story about death and ghosts? Oh a character who is so afraid of death they forget to live so I drew from those two ideas for her character.

She also borrows a couple personality traits and concepts from characters from the aforementioned scrapped stories

Grey was made by reversing Morgan’s philosophy. she’s someone who wants to live so bad they forget to fear death.

Also steals from older characters

Tolver is based on a crane wives song because their new album beyond beyond beyond had just come out and I was really excited. I based him off of mad dog

also stealing from myself once again

Alex

alex actually used to be the protagonist of crows

it started as kat before kat fully became current kat

then alex

then back to kat again

I knew I wanted ghosts to be weakened by having photo’s taken of them so Alex was created to be the character who takes the photos. thats why I considered making her the protagonist but it didn’t feel right and once I decided to work of those two ideas her other traits just kinda evolved from their or came out of necessity. Tolver doesn’t have a foil? Alex can be Tolvers foil! I need a character to make the audience question what they’ve been told about ghosts? Alex! Ect ect

I was very into puzzle boxes at the time so I gave her that as hobby to because I thought a wooden puzzle box would be an interesting prop to interact with ghosts with.

she was also just ment to be abit of variety. everyone else’s problems are very steeped in the super natural so she was also ment to be a character who had problems you couldn’t punch , kick or talk your way out of like everyone elses.

Joycie

Joycie came from me thinking about Morgan. I was trying to figure out what would case Morgan to be hyper aware of her mortality and resistant to relationships so I created Joycie to be the character that kinda caused those issues and from there I realised that if that character found out about ghost hunting it would put morgan in a really difficult position and difficult positions are fun! So I added her to the main cast to force her and Morgan to interact and grow.

also self theft

James , Juliet and Jaime

sorry I don’t have better art of them :’)

I knew that there was going to be atleast two rival ghost hunting originations so I needed two characters to lead said organisations and I wanted them to have some kind of past relationship so thats how Juliet and james get invented. I thought it would be interesting if there was also a third person caught up in everything so jaime was created shortly after to be the third party caught between who had to choice between their two friends and those two friend’s conflicting philosophies and alot of their traits evolved to build up to that climax. I made them some who is conflict avoidant and a mediator someone who will often try to compromise and struggles with picking sides so it hurts all the more when they have to make the ultimate choice to go with one or the other.

and then I got attached to all three so they became important <3

Madeleine

The plot needed someone to give something to someone at some point in the past and that point in the past happened to line up with some really interesting lore stuff pertaining to the creation of ghosts and ghost hunting originations so they became more of a character because I wanted them to interact with the plot and they became the fourth person in the quartet.

character’s relationships with their parents?

Already answered here

23) Is your OC reliable? Can I call them up at two in the morning if I have a flat tire? - Alex and Kat

Alex is Pretty reliable. They are a good problem solver and can work out lots of things intuitively without needing to be taught or told but their pool of skills is pretty small so though I have no doubt they’d be game if you called them at two in morning to help change a tire and they could probably do it after some trial and error they also probably don’t know how to do most things. 7/10

Kat is incompetent but would show up anyway because ✨people pleaser tendencies✨ he probably won’t help and the problem would get worse but he’s good at coming up with plans and organising things so he can be some help. If he messes up in most cases he will retract into himself and insist it’s better if he doesn’t do anything because it will just make it worse. 6/10

Cory knows a lot of life stuff like how to change a tyre and fix a sink ect so he’d probably be pretty reliable and will to help at any hour 10/10

Tory has the same level of skill and knowledge as cory + supernatural powers so you’d think he’d bee extra reliable? No! He has crippling self worth issues which prevent him from helping with anything unless its necessary! So he can only be relied on in a life or death situation 1/10

Morgan has very few life skills and won’t engage in most activities due to paranoia so very unreliable but your more likely to get her to help you then tory so 2/10

Grey will not engage unless it interests her or she deems it important but is pretty helpful other wise and her range of things she finds interesting is quite wide so 5/10

Tolver is very unlikely to actually help you because he thinks people should solve all their problems on their own and if you can’t skill issue!!! Thankfully he is a massive hypocrite and will make exceptions easily 3/10

Joycie

Thinks she knows much more then she dose so will offer to help but is more likely to over assume her skill level and mess up terribly then to actually know what she is doing 4/10

Jaime

Wide range of skills and is used to dealing with demands at unreasonable hours very high tolerance 8/10

James

Knows stuff but is likely to turn on you if you criticise him and leave. Has a “Well then you do it if your so smart” attitude and though he will turn up to help you at unreasonable hours he will be very sleepy increasing the probability he will snap at you. 2/10

Juliet

Won’t respond even if its a reasonable request at a reasonable hour 1/10

Madeleine

Dead 0/10

Ithas 10/10 for spoiler reasons

29) Imagine a mood board for your OC! What's on it? (Make it if you want!)

Aaand extra bonus question, which one would get along really well with akitsu (if any) and which one would absolutely not (if any)

Kat - kinda similar characters. Both happiness pumps who think they need to suffer/deprive themselves of things / to have “actual problems” to be valued and who think their friends suffer more then they do and put said friends on a pedestal because of it. Thinks they can fix their friends akitsu by being the therapist friend and kat by being the strong friend.

that is to say I think they’d definitely get along but also that I think they’d reinforce alot of each-others worst attributes but they’d be silly while doing it so its alright.

Tory - Tory is sad , pathetic , tragic and probably a very easy person for akitsu to victimise and get along with. He doesn’t have emotional stability and social knowledge but I do(not) so I can help him!

Tory is very hesitant in all of his relationships so I can she him being pleasant and them getting along on surface level but not really becoming good friends.

Cory - conversely Akitsu would be very easy for Cory to victimise and as such I think he’d want to be friends with her and help her because he see’s her as having suffered and needing help and being overwhelmed and emotionally manipulated but idk how Akitsu would respond to being seen as the victim who needs saving so idk if they’d get along.

Grey - Grey thinks that hiding/faking your feelings/trying to get others to feel a certain way because thats what you want is kinda distasteful so I don’t think she’d actually like Akitsu all the much.

Morgan - Morgan doesn’t really get along with anyone and I think she’d fine Akitsu off putting just because she’s a new person.

Tolver - terrible. Mister therapy is a myth metal health is an excuse no one’s problems are all that bad they just want attention probably thinks akitsu is wrong and pathetic and terrible and I feel like akitsu might find him overly cruel and submissive of others. She wants to be therapist friend and Tolver doesn’t believe in therapy. This can only end “well”

Alex - I think they’d get on to a reasonable degree. Alex is pretty out going and conversational so they’d atleast talk to eachother. Akitsu maybe see’s abit of Mikage in her for spoiler reasons but otherwise Alex gets along with most people and I don’t see why Akitsu would be an acceptation

Joycie - Joycie would 100% sympathise with Akitsu! She’d think Akitsu’s murder wasn’t akitsu’s fault and that she’s a good person who just wanted people to be happy and to be a good thing…granted Joycie thinks anyone who isn’t her or like a serial killer is a good person though. She’d probably project herself onto Akitsu pretty heavily.

quick doodle of Akitsu if she was in the Crows world.

[ttlmt]

hi bee!! sorry for the disappearance but i'm done with finals now!! i'm looking forward to sleeping in and spending more time chilling instead of working. what have you been up to now that you're done with your classes? i hope you've been doing well!! i saw you posted an ask list so i'll ask you "freckles" and "clouds" from it!! and it's only 10 days til christmas eve so i'm excited!! 💛💛 - ur tecpgc secret santa 🎄❄️

hi!! np, finals kicked my ass too i totally get it. glad they’re done for both of us now! honestly haven’t done much, been giffing a bit and working on my ss present, also spending way too much time on tumblr and listening to evermore and louis’ livestream lol. this week i have to start applying to uni/college tho and finish dapgbee.

freckles: what’s something that makes you happy? describe the first thing that comes to your head.

answered here :)

clouds: list your top 5 songs at the moment and how they make you feel

copy of a copy of a copy by louis tomlinson (this is just such a good painful rock song and i love louis)

no body no crime by taylor swift (this song just gets me so pumped i love taylor getting back to her country roots and i love me a good murder country song)

therefore i am by billie eilish (this song just makes me feel badass)

auld lang syne by chloe adams OR sufjan stevens (i was missing my family in scotland as well as scotland itself, it’s also almost news years and this song always gets me. the chloe adams version is v pretty and has all the lyrics and just makes me feel sad but hopeful, the sufjan stevens version is like a group singing it and it makes me happy and nostalgic for singing and being with people also theres a part that sounds like cats singing)

fine line by harry styles (it’s the anniversary today and,, we’ll be alright)

[poorlittlevampire]

my 2020 year in review

i was tagged by @rosesilk ty for the tag <3

i am tagging anoyone who wants to do it!!! <3

rules: answer the questions about 2020 and tag some people to pass it on!

5 favorite films you watched in 2020:

1. frank

2. bill & ted’s excellent adventure

3. pride and prejudice

4. scott pilgrim vs. the world

5. about time

i honestly don’t watch movies that often!! i don’t think i saw anything new this year, i just rewatched a bunch of my faves hehe but also i have horrible memory so i probably saw a few new things i really liked! who knows

5 favorite tv shows you watched in 2020:

1. the untamed

2. twin peaks

3. regular show

4. iasip

5. love is blind (lol)

lmao i don’t really watch tv either so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ i feel like i def watched more than that but i can’t remember 

5 favorite songs you listened to in 2020:

1. your voice, as i remember it - ajj

2. cosmonauts - fiona apple

3. cowboy like me - taylor swift

4. sunlight - hozier

5. you could not provoke me - the brazen youth

Top 5 albums of 2020:

1. fetch the bolt cutters - fiona apple

2. evermore - taylor swift

3. tides of a teardrop - mandolin orange (from 2019 but i listened for the first time this year lol)

4. the ascension - sufjan stevens

5. chromatica - lady gaga

sooooo much good music came out this year tbh it was such a good year for music!!!!!

Top 5 books you read in 2020:

i didn’t end up reading that much this year bc i’m really bad at finishing books lmao but i reread twilight and jane eyre, and both are amazing. i also reread punpun but idk if that really counts :-)

How did you spend your birthday this year?

i didn’t do anything! bc my mom was freshly out of the hospital, and quarantine was happening and all that. i don’t usually do anything tho so it was fine

What was your most memorable day this year?

i can’t remember the exact day but the day i joined animal crossing twt (sometime in early april), bc that’s when i met a bunch of my friends!! or the night taylor swift dropped folklore lmao

What was your most memorable meal you had this year?

i don’t have one oops

Did you find any new hobbies or interests in quarantine?

yes!! i started working with some new art mediums, and have specifically really loved oil pastels! i also have really gotten into rhythm games

What was the last big event/thing you remember doing BC (before covid)?

seeing jane eyre at the hartford stage! that happened like, right before lockdown started

5 good/positive things that happened to you in 2020:

1. was in a musical! (before covid shut us down after our first week of performances 😪😪😪)

2. starting playing the accordion, which has been a dream of mine for YEARS

3. found some of the best friends i’ve ever had

4. greatly improved my art, music, and writing!

5. wrote music that i really like!! and don’t hate after a month!

Biggest messages or lessons learnt from this year?

respect urself, don’t accept scraps bc it’s all you’re being offered, it’s nice to be on ur own but true friendship and connection is so so so important, one box of bleach is NOT enough for my whole head and also not strong enough either

And what are you most looking forward to in 2021?

hopefully if things continue to settle down with covid, i’ll be looking into college again! as i’ve found a handful of school i’m interested in applying to!

[sturlsons]

how do you feel about the fact that quality and popularity or appreciation are not mutually exclusive in fandom? this varies from fandom to fandom but for bts especially, while some well written things do get super popular, most go largely ignored. i think we see this everywhere tho. looking at popular music, tv, films. how do you keep this from bothering you? i have a hard time with this and wish i cared less.

honestly i don’t know man. i’m way less pressed about really good shit being ignored than i am about really bad shit going popular. that gets my goat. however, there’s a lot of factors that go into the whole thing that we absolutely can’t ignore, the most important one being education/exposure. that’s why i hate when people shit on mainstream hits or whatever; like i trained for 10 years in indian classical music and still love despacito, those things are not mutually exclusive, which i didn’t get for a long time.

there’s a lot of classism, academic elitism and social bias that goes into rebuking others’ taste (this is no shade against you by the way, i’m talking in general) which i’ve spent a long time unlearning because i was a very, very, very bright and exceptionally well-read child who thought she was above everything and everyone because she preferred watching world history channel over 90210. i don’t subscribe to that thinking anymore. try to unlearn it too. 

think of it this way - you’re lucky enough to have found some art that speaks to you, and you love it dearly and wish it was more popular, but 1) it maybe doesn’t speak to everyone that way** and 2) maybe everyone it could speak to doesn’t have access to it. you can’t control 1, so why be bothered? you can control 2, so why waste time bothering when you could be spreading good content?

**an important thing to think about is also this: something could be very well-done, a master of its craft, and still only actually touch a handful of people, because it just doesn’t…apply to others’ lives, or click with them. i have never, for example, felt one (1) single emotion while listening to western classical music or uhhh the sad gay. who. SUFJAN STEVENS. nor do i get a single fucking thing about art. if you’re in my inbox i assume you enjoy and trust my taste/work, so there’s something to chew on. my lived experiences just don’t match up with these things. ed sheeran, though? HELL YEAH. i feel that shit in my soul. why? because i find his songs pure, and sweet, and honest, and they remind me of my love life. as simple as that.

life may be an eternal quest to be more enlightened (it sure is for me). but that doesn’t mean you can’t just Chill Out and enjoy yourself along the way - and most of all, understand and accept that life isn’t an eternal quest to be more enlightened for many, and that some of those those for whom it is might find their enlightenment in pitbull and not iron&wine. that’s GREAT! i’m glad everyone is finding their personal source of happiness.

all that being said, what does bother me and will continue to bother me is the amount of problematic and straight up wrong content that ends up getting popular because it’s packaged palatably. this especially in fandom; all the “angst” fics which are just romanticised toxic/abusive relationships, all the pervasive heteronormativity and transphobia in a medium that is supposed to be a safe space for so many of the LGBT+ community, and - my biggest anger trigger - the simultaneous romanticisation and trivialisation of real, horrible experiences like death and loss. now that? is a thing that will never stop making me see red. 

[laptrance]

January 17

hung out with kim today. caught up on stuff that’s going on with her (cki, danny, classes, internships, letters of recc). then kim told me about how tanisha and karl broke up. then i asked her if i could talk to her about this falling out angelica and i are having and she said yes. i told her everything. she was kind of surprised but also not surprised. kim agrees with me tho that she should stop talking to dennis. kim also said that she didn’t really like him cause he wouldn’t say hi to her whenever he saw her, or it would just be very short. i told her about how her and max broke up. kim said she likes max better cause he looked like a guy who would treat a girl right lol. max does. 

anyways, i asked kim to give the letter i wrote to angelica and she agreed. i asked if she could just leave it on her desk or something instead of having it get to riverside, cause that shit’s complicated. kim told me that she’ll tell me when she gives it/when angelica reads it, which is kind of reassuring. 

im preparing for the wrost. im thinking the worst is that angelica will be so mad at the fact that i talked to kim about what’s going on between us and how i asked kim to send the letter that she won’t even read it. or she might read the letter and she’ll still not say anything. or it might be a combination of the two. i dont know how long i’ll wait in order for it to be a no. 

best possible situation i can think of is that she’ll read the letter, contact me to talk about our issues, and she’ll tell me the whole damn truth. then we’ll reach a mutual understanding and our friendship will be restored. 

honestly i am really hoping for the best. kim said that she thinks angelica might wanna talk after reading the letter if she saw that i hand wrote the letter. eh, we’ll see. 

if she doesn’t say anything about dennis if we do have a talk about the letter, then i will just drop her completely. if she’s not going to be truthful about her interactions with dennis, then i honestly can’t be her friend anymore. i want to help her so much with everything that’s going on between the two because he is honestly causing her so much emotional distress. like there’s no point in having a close friendship if she’s going to be so secretive about her and dennis. maybe i should try to tell her that i’ll be supportive of whatever she does so that she won’t feel like she needs to hide her interactions with him. i think that’s the reason why she’s becoming so distant. but idk, if she doesn’t want the help, then i’ll leave her the fuck alone to deal with that shit herself. 

i really feel like saying the moral of this story is fuck dennis, but i can’t say that. there’s something going on with him that i don’t know about unless i ask him. i feel like understanding his side will enlighten me as to why their relationship is so fucking on and off. i might be more at peace with their behaviors too. 

I DON’T FUCKING KNOW WHY THIS IS EATING AT ME SO MUCH. WHY CAN’T I JUST MIND MY OWN DAMN BUSINESS????    

since then, i’ve just been deep inside spotify. i made top 10 albums for the years 2006-2015. i also checked out sufjan stevens’ work for call me by your name and tonya harding. it’s really been the only thing distracting enough from all the shit i said above. 

also, im seriously working on my cover letter for the all songs considered internship for summer. i’ve always been so scared to work on the letter because im afraid that i wont get the position again. but this time, since i want to get distracted from all this angelica bullshit, i am really focusing on getting it right as best as i can. all the other times i applied i made stupid mistakes. this time, i’ll get everything right. the email from npr internships encouraging me to apply is surprisingly motivating. 

i made a brainstorm about what ideas i’ll bring to the table, how to write my letter in an engaging yet informative way, and just to motivate myself to actually get it done and get it done right. honestly, i really want to put the work in and get the position. it’ll be such a plus for this year if i do get it.

now in terms of preparing myself to actually fly over and live there for the duration, im applying to food service places to make some money. i wanna be able to work part time in two places so i can use one paycheck for everyday expenses (and paying off loans for part of it) and use another paycheck purely for future DC living expenses. 

if all songs doesn’t work out, not going to lie, im going to be upset, but hopefully not so much if my plan B comes through.

plan B is applying for part time promotion assistant positions for stations like KROQ then applying for a part time position at amoeba. i know amoeba wont be so long, but it would be really cool getting to say i work there for any length of time. hopefully i either climb up the ladder on the promotions assistant job and eventually work full time. if not, then i’ll use the time to apply for other full-time positions. 

somewhere along the way, i want to look for programs that’ll help me gain confidence in my writing skills. tbh college did not help at all. i just know how to write a 5 paragraph essay. i dont know how to convince people of something i want, i dont know how to add spice and variety to a paper. i dont know how to sound like myself in a professional paper. good writing will go a long way.