#this Is a bit of an attempt at inktober but knowing me im not gonna be actively doing that ffsdf

[ihavealavalamp]

in-class drawin of asterielle, silbryn’s archfiend mother! her design is really fun to doodle and i Like her

[myketheartista]

it is time for me to once again thank everyone who has stuck around and supported me and watched me act like a fool as i attempt to work social media despite having been here for 5+ years

posting is hard, whether that’s from lacking in motivation or just being pummeled with schoolwork and other Life Things. I want to be more active and it sucks that I just can’t be when my energy is so low and i won’t do more than just a single post with a few pieces. I really wanna do more challenges, requests, write more drabbles, update commissions, do some funky stuff that’ll make my blog more fun but i am just Not in the headspace to do any of that and it feels like it wants to stay that way for months. I’ve been what the kids call, “going through it”, and while I won’t use my blog as my safe space to vent, i’m just… not very happy with my life right now for multiple reasons and that’s really having it’s impact on my ability to be active.

i know it’s not a responsibility or mandatory, but you know it’s really saddening when i can’t just do the one thing i’ve loved to do for years since i was a kid. not doing inktober crushes me more than i think anyone realizes, and not being able to write my thoughts on characters or being able to create full pieces to tag a story onto hurts. i really want to stream but my anxiety and lack of confidence begin to overwhelm me when i even consider the possibility since i’m not very comfortable with drawing in front of people (not even mentioning i would have to buy airserver to connect my ipad to my pc). overall, i’m just thankful i still have the friends i do and im glad they continue to support me despite my promises and desires to do things that just end up not being fulfilled. i’m trying to get a hold on things at the moment, and i’m really excited for how the parv charms are coming along since i’ve got an idea on how to get that up and running. commissions will be updated soon, and i’ve been coming out of hiding a bit more since school is letting up (not that it’s gonna stay that way forever, but hopefully i can feel a bit happier when these new classes start)

thank you for sticking with me even if my road is a little bumpy at times without really seeming like it. i’m not the type to just talk about my problems as much as that would make me feel better. i just don’t want to seem like a shitty person who sees no issue in not communicating with people or never following through with their word. everyone who follows me and interacts with me means the world to me and i value you so much.

[nibscribs]

So uhhhh I drew a lot of RWBY this year... only two of these are non RWBY and tbh I could have just as easily put something RWBY for June Template

Retrospective under the cut bc it’s LONG 

RETROSPECTIVE January: First piece of the year! I still like this piece and I think it shows how much I improved from the original version of it. Also I just like looking at it bc it's soft content of my rare pair. I do think I made the rose look photorealistic which looks... bad esp with all the other more stylized flowers, and I got lazy with the bleeding hearts by just drawing one set and flipping them. Emerald's hair also could look better. February:  I made this around GNG week, which was a fun, good time, long before the server imploded on itself. I got really lazy with the backgrounds, obviously, but I do like the poses in this one, tho it helped that I based it off of screenshots from Young Justice. I also just really like how Merc looks in this one. March: March wasn't a very prolific month for art, I don't think I produced much besides this and one comic piece for GNG week. I'm not sure why exactly, I can't find any specific reason why I would be unproductive that month. I'm gonna just assume I was drained from work all the time and didn't have the energy to put out good art, and also I was getting into a slump bc all my art was starting to look same-y. This piece isn't very good, but I chose it because I did it without a reference, and at this point that was going out of my comfort zone. It's obviously not super dynamic, but at the very least you can tell I intended there to be motion to it. April: This also wasn't a very prolific month for art, not as bad as March, but for the same reasons. I was also really starting to feel burnout from the RWBY fandom, specifically wasps and conflict within the GNG server. This was also when the Art vs the Artist meme was popular, and I realized I didn't want to do that meme because my art was too similar and boring, which also brought me down a peg. Though I put out a few good chibis in April, I chose my Mercury redesign bc I was really proud of it. I could never get the Emerald redesign to mesh quite right, but I can say I'm really proud of how Mercury's came out. May: May had me bounce out of my art slump and in full force trying to expand my skills! Specifically exploring painting. Although May was about as prolific as April, what I did create I put a lot into. It was difficult to pick between this and my app of Edison, because I'm really proud of both, but in the end I went with this commission of Mercury because I pushed myself to try and use an interesting perspective for the piece instead of my usual stand still and face the camera pose. Because I pushed myself out of my comfort zone, this was one of the best things I made all year, and may be my favorite piece of the year. June: TIME TO STRESS OUT ABOUT CONNECTICON! So if you follow me on twitter, you might have noticed I made a lot of posts at the beginning of the year low key throwing shade at myself for drawing my oc's instead of more "important" art. Well, that important art that I was procrastinating was con merch, and con was the second week of July, so I really had to get my ass in gear to finish merch on time (spoiler, I didn't finish a lot of it on time). This piece and July's piece are both posters I made for Connecticon, and while I like July's much better, that doesn't mean I find this piece bad. I really should have known that no one at con would realize it was a goonies reference tho -_-; I also lost a lot of love for this piece after season 6 of Voltron, which I watched while I was about 60% of the way through this piece, so I had to force myself to finish it. July: I love this piece!!!! Don't get me wrong, I know it has flaws, but look at it! The lines are so crisp, the colors look good, Roman and Merc's expressions are mwuah chefs kiss, and I just love all of them!!! ... except for Neo. I really didn't do her justice in this piece, her hair is too fluffy, her head is way to oversized to the point that she looks like a bobblehead, and her eyes are too close together. Really if you take out Neo's head that whole problem goes away. I also love all the tiny details I put in this one, from emerald's chaps to roman's rose to Neo's lace parasol. You can tell I was way more passionate about this piece than I was about the Voltron piece.  August:  pretty sure this is when I quit my job cashiering, and thank god bc customers suck. If I was going off of sheer popularity, Chibi Pyrrha would have taken this slot no contest, and while I love chibi Pyrrha, I don't think it was the best of the month. I chose this little princess and the pauper au doodle because I tried a year ago to draw these two dancing, and it looked like dog shit. It was flat and ugly. But this has motion to it, and even looking at it now makes me feel warm and happy inside. It's just a good cute drawing of my otp. September: My piece for the RWBY tarot project! I have a lot of mixed emotions about this one. on the one hand, I love how mercury looks, his expression, the lighting, the visceral gore from his legs (ESPECIALLY THE VISCERAL GORE ON HIS LEGS) and the hands of the undead, all look stunning and I don't think I could be more happy with how they turned out. And then we get to the background. The caduceus isn't the worst thing ever, but it's severely lacking in quality compared to the rendering on mercury in front of it, and a lot of it is clearly pixellated from me trying to stretch and squash it just right. And the fire is a hot (no pun intended) mess. It's flat, incoherent, and doesn't lead the eye anywhere. It's a shame too because I wanted to do more with it, but I a) didn't have enough time or patience to figure out what I needed to do to fix it and b) didn't want to go outside of my comfort level, so I gave up and decided to be satisfied with what I had. October: October was another good month for art, I made a turnaround sheet for Moss, painted a full body (and slightly lewd) Rudy, and made a decent attempt at inktober. Ok, so I got like 2 days in, but I improved a lot on inking from last year! Fun fact! this piece was originally going to be fan art of Lindsay Jones, but after I did some thumbnails to figure out a pose, I thought it would suit White Diamond better, and I could also sell it as merch. I love this piece. I think I captured the sinister mood well, and conveyed the story I wanted to without any dialogue (at least the notes on Tumblr make me assume I did a decent job, lotta people really wigged out lol) I really worked hard to get the lighting right on this one, and I think it shows. My absolutely favorite thing about this piece funnily enough, is Amethyst. I think I just did a great job drawing her and I'm proud of myself ok. Stevens bubble and my trouble figuring out how to get WD's leg just right are the only things that I dislike about this piece, but I might go back and fix those. November: IM SO PROUD OF THIS COMMISSION!!!!!! I worked so god damn hard on this chef's kiss poifect,  and it really shows. I started using a new brush at this point, the Ojing series on Clip Studio Paint, which I recommend and have been using a lot since. I've also been using this shading technique since drawing this. I love how it sort of fades out but it's still really crisp. I also love all the little details that give this piece character, like her shoes and the stripes on her jacket. This piece really takes a lot of the stuff I learned over the year and combines it into one piece, and I could not be prouder of it. I have absolutely no problems with this one, though I do find the weapon a bit plain, but it's what the client described. December: AND NOW IT'S CHRISTMAS!!!!! I had been working on this piece since August, going back to it every now and then and getting frustrated. I'm really glad I came back to it and finally finished it, since I love this pair and I put a lot of effort into it back in August. However, I'm also really glad I completely overhauled a lot of it, specifically the flowers. Though I'm not 100% happy with the mums in this one, they look a thousand times better than the mums I had originally sketched back in August, and were part of the reason I had such a hard time finishing this for months. I also thought it would be nice to end the year on the same note it started; with a flower couple. I've definitely learned a lot since January, and I hope to continue growing in 2019! 2019 GOALS!

Work on backgrounds for the love of god

Draw more stuff that isn't RWBY

Perspective

Make more speed paints and post more to youtube in general

[silverlight013]

I need commissions again

Hey everyone...I know I’ve been gone for a while just reblogging stuff here and there and there’s a reason for that. *sigh* Last Sunday the 7th I had to bring my cat Kiki to the vet and help her to the rainbow bridge there was nothing i could do...she had kidney failure and while i was in texas my bf wasnt feeding her wet food like i asked so no one knew she wasnt eating i just noticed as soon as i got back that she had lost a lot of weight...so needless to say its been hard. It was $230 to get her ashes and they’ll be here sometime next week...then yesterday Sunday the 14th my great grandmother passed away i just can’t beleive it two constant things in my life are now gone. During my grieving process i learned who cared for me and who didn’t and austoundingly...my bf doesnt care. He didnt even hug me when i cried he just stood there staring at my and his mother my boss made me work both days after their passing so i think i need to get out of here and i need to pay off this card i share with him. So if you can help me i would appreciate it.

Commissions are $25 for one person no background.

+$5 for background

+$5 for extra character

An example of what you could have is my attempt at Inktober day 1- Poisonous.

There’s just something about Iggy in Yukata that is sexy.

If you just want to buy a print or something we can discuss that as well, I’ll put links to my cites on here in a bit mobile is kinda a bitch so...yeah im saving on my own but with Kiki’s cremation its gonna be rough, plus i just had to buy groceries for the house and that was expensive...i’m also trying to get a new job but between being depressed, this stupid cold that’s kicking my ass, and working like over 40hrs a week i have no time...so...yeah sorry to ask and thank you in advance for your reblog and or donation or for simply reading it. ❤️

REDBUBBLE | PATREON | KO-FI | PAYPAL | PAYPAL POOL  

[oh-mother-of-darkness]

asks (19)

Anonymous said: Hey can you do something like Bruce reacting to Jason's death? Or just dealing with it in general (I'm feeling awfully sad)

Ahhh I get that you probably want new material, but I don’t have the time for it just now, so I’m just gonna link to all the sad Bruce and Jason content. I hope you feel better! Let me know if there’s anything I can do to help :///

The fic about Bruce right after Jason died

The fic from Under the Red Hood

The fic with Tim as Robin

The fic where Jason gets injured

Generalized angst with a Bruce and Jason section

Anonymous said: Your new list of punishable offenses really, really improved my day

I’m so glad! We all need a lil help, you know?

@thephilosophersapprentice said: Headcanon that Dick uses those relaxing videos from youtube to get Tim to fall asleep

Sleep?? He doesn’t know her (what videos tho hmu)

Anonymous said: Have you done your torts reading yet? Should I poke you? I believe in you!

I did it that day but regrettably there is new torts reading every day :///

Anonymous said: I read the thing about Damian liking plants, and I'm just imagining him and Poison Ivy talking about their favorite plants and like, having a full-on discussion about plants

Selina says it’s “good for them both” and “vaguely cute” but honestly? Makes Bruce nervous

Anonymous said: JOSS WHEDON IS NO LONGER DIRECTING BATGIRL!!!! I am screaming with joy!!

Ahhhhhh it was just a rumor but I WISH

Anonymous said: Hi, I just read through like, all of your Damian hc's and I also read the one about him giving people thoughtful gifts and then I cried for a while. Thank you

One of my favorites! He’s a good kid

Anonymous said: Hey, gotta question. How old is Jason? I had a friend ask me and I wasn't sure.

Really hard to say on that one :/

My personal guess would be somewhere in the 19-22 range in the n52/rebirth, maybe 25ish in the preboot

Anonymous said: Have you read Worlds Apart by Fernandidilly_yo??? They just updated it and it is SO good, I think you would enjoy it. :)))

I haven’t, but I’ll give it a look :)

@giotanner said: Thank you very much for reblog my art (Tim Drake -inktober). This means a lot for me, 'cause I love your blog and always I follow it. Have a nice day!

It was a beautiful picture!

Anonymous said: what did you like about justice league tho ///

Spoilers below

I liked seeing Ben Affleck’s Batman and Gal Gadot’s Wonder Woman on screen, acting like friends. I loved new-Barry and new-Arthur and new-Victor (especially Victor), especially when he called Bruce an asshole?? Iconic

I’ll be the first to admit that the movie had substantial problems, but here’s the thing: I just genuinely enjoy watching the characters I love on the big screen. The movie made me happy, and that’s all I really care about just now.

Anonymous said: hey mom, can i rant a lil? i am.... disappointed after watching justice league. i mean, i loved the new characters but coming out of the theatres i felt.. icky??? something just didnt sit well with me - the movie was too.... altered i guess is the only word i can think of right now. it didnt feel right. the tone was too light too different (forced?) for me too but thats just me. idk i just... im just upset right now. what did you think?

I’m really sorry you felt that way! I know what you’re talking about, and I’m sorry it ruined the movie for you

@batfightart said: I am so so so so so so so so sorry to hear what you have been going through with this "friend" of yours. That is truly despicable of him to disrespect what you have already told him about yourself and attempt to pursue a relationship despite it. And it's especially terrible since he's your partner for a class and that you share so many friends. Please feel free to vent to us anytime you need, we all love you so much and care for your well-being. I don't know if there is anything I can do, (1/2)

batfightart said: (2/2) but please let me know if I can help in any way or if you need anything. Please remember that you are so loved and that you are VALID as you are. We all appreciate you so much on here, and just want to give you support. I'll be thinking about you and wishing for the best for you. Thank you for sharing with us. We are here for you <3

Honestly this was.... exactly what I needed to hear a few days ago. Thank you so much for your support :’)

@justhavingfun123 said: I understand a bit of what you going through. I've had something similar happen with a guy; he thought he was "the exception". But just because he's friends with your friends doesn't mean you have to distance yourself from them, it might seem like to right thing to do(I've done it before), but stick to your friends. He'll hopefully see he was cruel in the end, and you need friend at a time like this. Hope everything will turn out good in the end and love your work ✨

My friends have been super supportive, which is really great because I don’t think I could have made it through this week without them. Sorry about your shitty experience with that guy :///

@12freddofrogs said: : ( That thing with the girlfriend-zone sounds horrible. I'm really sorry for you having to go through it. I wish I could give you advice or help, but all I can do is offer a virtual hug and prayers. I'm sure it will work out, but it sucks right now, and that's what hurts.

Hug and prayers both greatly appreciated <3

Anonymous said: In regards to your personal distress: you are valid. What you want and don't want is valid. I don't know the full extent of the situation, but if you can take a few precautions then tell him to back the f off, do so. I hope that that will help you feel better(?) about the situation.

I really needed that, anon

Anonymous said: God I’m so sorry that this guy has been playing you that fucking SUCKS and you did NOTHING wrong and we’re very different people but I know the feeling of just feeling so violated over being touched and it’s just the worst UGH I hope this guy fucks off forever and things go back to being good and happy

It was really bad for a couple of days, honestly. I still get all shivery and gross when I think about it, but I’m getting better

Anonymous said: I hope everything works out for you. I wish you the best!!!!

It’s been rough. Haley and I talked to him about it yesterday, because before that, he didn’t know that I was onto him. I made an outline and everything, and I practiced the speech a bunch of times. I made it through the whole thing without breaking down or losing my temper, and he just sort of.... sat there for awhile, until Haley made him apologize. 

It was a really good apology. He said that he had justified the whole thing to himself, but now he understood that his actions were wrong, and he was sorry that he hurt me. I think it was genuine. He was visibly upset when he found out I’d been having panic attacks about it. 

On the one hand, I don’t think he’s a threat to me anymore. He won’t pull that shit again. On the other hand, we aren't talking to each other anymore, and he’s avoiding me. In all honesty, I appreciate that, but even though I know I shouldn’t, I feel guilty for hurting him.

Haley said that he cried a lot after I left. I know that doesn’t change anything. No matter how genuine his feelings towards me are, they don’t excuse his behavior. He manipulated me, and even if it was for honest-to-God-Disney-princess-True-Love, he had no excuse to violate my trust or my autonomy like that. 

I still feel guilty. I’m actively repressing the urge to call and see if he’s okay. I’m not gonna do it, but the urge is there. 

It’s just been.... a week. I don’t know, guys. I’m struggling. 

[vivaciousyellow]

y: neverwhere by neil gaiman

...or actually, rather, nevermore of the-raven-by-edgar-allen-poe kind because guess what ya bitch is feeling downright feistily angsty what’s new? this isn’t. 

dear victoria,

i binge ate today.

it felt worse than usual because i’ve been trying really hard lately to watch what i choose to put into my body and at what quantities. and not to mention i’m already rather devastated about my thinning hair. am i being vain? i need nutrients nutrients nutrients nutrients nutrients

someone just chop all my hair off 

maybe i’ll be so compelled to get more angular cheeks and chin due to the unflattering amount of exposure i’ll stop eating for a bit

late last fall, i began wondering what it would feel like to just make the cut. a cut. the excuse i recited to myself in objection was that the only access to sharp things i had were the dirty ass communal kitchen knives. and i was too anxious to go to the 100 yen shop and have to ask to buy my own. and i was too scared to do anything with my hair clippers (also from the 100 yen shop, aka the best place on earth, aka heaven, aka i should be investing in items that are of the most excellent Made In Japan quality because sustainability but you know what the things in there are so high qua you wouldn’t believe your eyes ten million firelies it’s less than one wholeass USD). 

i confessed to david in the winter that i didn’t know how to feel happy anymore

but at least now i understand why people might want to feel pain

i shouldn’t have started the day eating two packs of ramen. now im about to end the day with two. but fuck, the bag of cheerios i downed in the interim with my litre carton of milk is wreaking mild havoc. last time i drank four cups of milk i was in fifth grade, reading a book by the huge bay window of our first home, my parents’ personal prototype of the American Dream. and honestly, i didn’t even mind getting diarrhea for it. it was in the late afternoon, just a smidge past golden hour. mom and dad had gone out, it was just my sister doing unrelatable teen things in her room. there might have been a CD player involved? was i sitting on the pastel purple stool or was i reclined into the lazy boy chair? was i happy or just content?

anyway, it was the perfect time to overdose on lactose and whatever, the milk was delicious. #yolo beaches

even tho it was skim. lmao i just needed to drink water but opted for tasteless murky bullshit instead. and now i can’t tell if i want to shit my pants because of lactose intolerance or because of my seminar class on wednesday. 

so, this is the one year anniversary of my first depressive episode since the social worker in high school called me troubled. i’m so scared this monstrous sense of hopelessness and dread is reviving itself upon the fertile ground of unresolved issues i’ve seemingly kept ready for it, so tip top swanky spanky new.

why can’t i do better? why am i throwing this tumblr irredeemably back into the dark times of angsty xanga-livejournaling (victoria, hee~elll~lllllpppp)? am i even allowed to snarkily refer back to those ‘dark times’ when i’m only vicariously living through my own blurred memories of my sister typing secretively away on her old ass chonky laptop as she sat wrapped in darkness and metal chains, dressed like a chinese-knock-off emo grunge kid?

i can say that because she literally got most of those clothes and necklaces from china i swear

excuse my pathetically unrecognisable attempt at edgy humour, all i can think about is how that one fleeting whimsical thought i had earlier about self-induced vomiting is becoming increasingly substantial. 

i feel like the protagonist in neverwhere by neil gaiman. but like only in the sense of a very loose interpretation on what similes are supposed to accomplish and based on a very loose interpretation of what the book was about.

1. like i’ve become unrecognisable and/or easily forgetable but to myself so like i see the world (read: my body) going on and operating as usual, but like i know i’m missing something (read: me? my place in the world? what?)

2. or like suddenly, i’m being forced to navigate a slightly and increasingly very off version of the world that i’d never been exposed to before where that world is my reality of mood fluctuations that are very confusing but, ultimately, of mild uncertainty. are fluctuations, quantum measured in uncertainty? 

3. oh physics? wherefore art thou? 

4. have these vague, inaccurate references to the plot piqued your interest? please say yes because it’s a great book. even though i told myself i was gonna focus on WOC writers. so much for that. 

5. dammit, ying, smh.

i wonder what my various overblown quotidian fears look like. you know, people have been doing inktober themes, very inVentively visualising various mental illnesses. (give me at least one instance of alliteration per post or give me death)

but im too scared to face mine. 

i’ll just keep eating instead.

happy spoopy season.

-ying

..of course with love but am i even capable of love cries in rolling my eyes at myself can’t even see those damn irises anymore

or should i say

nevermore