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burninlovebutler · 2 years

Text

Just an Intern // Part 3

pairing: austin x makeup artist!reader | word count: 8.7k-ish

warnings: angst, smut, FLUFF???, confusing arrogant asshole!austin, one bed, alcohol, hot tub 👀, fingering, play fighting, lots of dialogue, fries lore lol, truth or dare, name calling, physical altercation, yelling, screaming, crying, i am so sorry (but not really), 18+ MDNI

summary: while the set of Bikeriders remains buried under snow, you're imprisoned at the nearest ski lodge, in the last vacancy with none other than your arch nemesis. as the novelty of a packed resort wears off quickly, you find yourself on a drunken adventure led by an unexpected partner in crime... literally.

PART 1 | PART 2 | see my masterlist for all other fics ♡

vibes: just an intern spotify playlist ⛓️

Let's cause a little trouble Oh, you make me feel so weak I bet you kiss your knuckles Right before they touch my cheek

But I've got my mind, made up this time 'Cause there's a menace in my bed

Can you see his silhouette?

A glaring white morning light lulled you from your slumber. You were so warm and comfortable…. too warm and comfortable. Your eyes shot open and your body stilled completely the minute you sensed a heavy arm that was wrapped around your waist and a body pressed against your backside.

What the fuck

Last night’s events raced through your mind, remembering your transgressions with the actor vividly, but the end was quite fuzzy. All you remembered was going to shower then coming out to a completely dark room with Austin sleeping at the far edge of the twin sized bed, facing away from you. Then you slipped into bed, turned the opposite direction and fell asleep.

How the fuck did you end up being little spoon to the man that told you he’d rather rot in hell than sleep next to you. You stared at the wooden wall, following each swirl as if it would give you the answer to get out from this death trap of impending doom. You decided to take the plunge and try to slip from his grasp. A slight sleepy groan rumbled behind you made your eyes squeeze shut, like you were expecting a bomb to go off.

You knew exactly the song and dance it would ensue – some furious accusation and an insult.

Much to your surprise you felt him freeze just as you did then try to escape quietly. The realization hit that he perhaps didn’t know you were awake either. I mean realistically what would he reprimand you for? He was wrapped around you, what was he going to claim? That you forced him to play big spoon?

You chose to keep your place, taking advantage of the predisposition that you were still asleep. Besides it would give you just a sliver of peace before you had to go back to his ‘Intern’. There was a slight tug of sheets, then a cold emptiness when he pulled from the mattress.

He let out another hushed grunt then, “Fuck.” He mumbled to himself silently. You curiously opened one eye to observe him. He rounded the bed going to the dresser, tapping his fingertips across the top like he was looking for something. His hand landed on a pair of black rimmed glasses you hadn’t noticed when you went to bed in the dark. You couldn’t help but prop up a subtle brow.

Wanting to savor this little secret you stumbled upon, you decided to ‘wake up’ giving a performative stretch before cocooning yourself in the duvet. “Glasses huh?” You held back a ‘caught ya’ smirk, then a stifled giggle when you noticed him jump a tiny bit at the surprise.

He turned at the startle and instantly rolled his eyes. He hadn’t been awake not even 5 minutes and he was already annoyed with you. “Yes, I wear glasses, big whoop.”

“Well, I just didn’t know.” You tugged your bottom lip in trying not to laugh at his obviously embarrassed reaction.

“There’s lots of things you don’t know about me, Intern.” He spat back, turning to the phone ringing – to the tune of… Burnin Love? by Elvis? You were learning more about this man than you cared to know. He snatched his phone so fast, before it even got to the ‘hunka hunka’. Another thing he was clearly embarrassed about.

“What’s up?” While he spoke into the phone you found yourself distracted by the muscular lines of his bare back, just then noticing he was shirtless. His skin was golden and was toned like a swimmer. You followed the curvatures of his body down to were they met small dimples in his lower back then disappeared into blue stripped pajama pants.

His evidently aggravated groan snapped you out of your expedition down his body.

“Fucking great.” Bringing his hand to both temples. “We’re still fucking snowed in. We’re stuck here until tomorrow at least.”

Fuck

“I take it there are no other rooms available?”

“No Intern, obviously not, the roads are closed. Nobody can fucking leave.”

You both went your separate ways and you couldn’t have been happier, finally getting a moment to breathe and relax. There was a tiny café within the resort that you hid in most of the day taking time to catch up on the book you had been neglecting. The snow outside continued to pile up with no end in sight. Your odds of escaping Austin weren’t looking very promising. While it was what you wanted, there was a part of you – the machoistic part of you – that didn’t want it to end, just yet.

Before you knew it, it was evening and you were trying to avoid the hotel room at all costs, not wanting to risk running into Austin. So, you found yourself at the same bar from the Landon incident yesterday. You pressed your palms against the bar ledge that was littered with your coworkers, including Landon out of the corner of your eye. He sent a chill up your spine, but he seemed distracted by some giggly extra.

“Vodka soda please.” You ordered from the rather attractive bar tender. Maybe you could end up in someone else’s bed that night, maybe it would stave off the remnants Austin’s touch left on you. Regardless you had a mission - getting fucking wasted. How else were you supposed to deal with the confusion clouding in your head?

About 2 vodka sodas in, an aggravated sigh came from your left, “You would be here.” Said the exact voice you were trying to elude.

“What the fuck does that mean?” You rolled your eyes turning to him. He wore a plain black shirt that hugged his toned arms, tight dark denim jeans and leather boots.

He shrugged, “You just would.” Evading the question. “I guess I don’t blame you, there’s nothing else open in here at night.”

“Exactly.” You agreed taking a sip of your third drink, sending a warmth through your veins, then down to your core at the sight of his skilled fingers wrapped around a half-drank bourbon on the rocks.

“Last call!” Boomed from the tattooed bar tender.

“What?” You questioned, surprised. You tapped your phone screen to wake the time, “What, it’s only 12?”

“Bar closes at 12 on Sundays.” The worker informed, beginning his closing duties by wiping down the counter.

“Augh.” Austin groaned easily downing the remainder of his drink and harshly landed it on the bar. Without another word he was already out the door, likely at one of the cast’s room parties that had been going on.

You were in no rush to be alone in a hotel room but after a stroll through an uneventful empty lobby you decided to call it a night.

Opening the door to your room you noticed something that had been hiding behind a curtain, a wide open door. Being under the impression that the actor would be in some room party, you hesitantly tiptoed across the room. Your mind ping-ponged between the possibilities.

Maybe a resident had found the wrong room

Maybe you found the wrong room

Maybe the door hadn’t been locked and was swung open by the vicious snowy winds

Maybe it was a ghost

Finally at the door you peered through it from the edge to find… a hot tub? The jetted pool sat on a wooden platform covered by the room above’s balcony. And there sat the asshole right in the middle with another full drink in his grasp.

“Where have you been!” The blonde called out in a playful tune, the alcohol evidently taken over his body. “Did you know we have a hot tub?” His voice almost excited.

“Uh…” The entire scene threw you completely off, you’d never so much as seen this man smile and now, he was lightly playing in the water. “Am I hallucinating or are you actually having a good time?”

“C’mon get in here.” He gestured to join him hurriedly, ignoring your question.

“Austin it’s fucking freezing, you’re insane.” You thought he was even crazier when you realized that he was shirtless, because what else would you wear in a jacuzzi. “I’m not getting in there.” Shaking your head vehemently.

“It’s warm in here c’mon.” His gestures even more exaggerated through the steam that brewed above the water.

You shifted from one foot to another and chewed on your lip weighing your options. What else were you going to do? And who were you to turn down a hot tub?

“Augh fine.” You huffed, peeling your shirt over your head and unzipping then dropping your jeans. A blast of cold wind hit your bare body, covered only in a bra and panties. Your arms immediately wrapped around yourself shivering as you shuffled across the wood slats and up the short stairs.

You let out a relieved sigh once your shoulders were below the warm water across from him. “You’re fucking crazy.”

He gave you his signature eye roll, “Loosen up will ya? You’re always so stiff.”

You couldn’t help but let out loud scoff, “Me? Nah, that’s all you Actor.”

He let a chuckle as he lulled his head back, his arms resting on the edge of the tub. “Yeah, I guess I could stand to loosen up a little.”

“That’s a fucking understatement.” The edges of your lips tied into a smile.

“Hey,” He furrowed his thick brows at you, his face only illuminated by the blue tone of the pool. “That’s not very nice.” A light flick of water propelled at you from his fingertips.

“Hey!” You dodged the attack, “That wasn’t very nice.” Splashing warm water back at him.

“Oh, I don’t think you wanna play this game, Intern.” He brows propped up throwing another wave of water at you.

“Oh, I think I do Actor.” Swimming diagonal from him giving you a new angle to battle him with a rush of water.

He feigned surprise, “You’re goin’ down.” Mimicking your actions, getting you good that time, soaking you completely.

A giggle left your mouth as you attempted to swim in the opposite direction splashing him back once more. You heard another foreign laugh from him matching yours. “No, you’re goin’ down buddy.”

In some miscalculation you ended up near him and mid splashing war you felt familiar sizable hands take hold of your waist pulling you into his lap.

What kinda twilight zone were you in when this menace was play fighting and giggling with you?

After the initial stun of the move, you caught your breath your eyes meeting his. The ebbing waves from the tub reflected into his aqua eyes, the ripples of the water seemed to swim in them.

Silence fell between you both as the laughter had dissipated and the only communication was in your stare. You tried to place his thoughts by analyzing his eyes. At that point you had gotten fairly good at reading him though this sight was new, and you had no clue at what was behind it.

His eyes flickered between yours and your lips, the proximity of him now very apparent. The scent of bourbon laid thick on his breath. Your own air lodged in your throat as you took in the sight of him. Under the glow of the moon, he looked so soft, a lens you’d never seen him through before. He was so exquisite like that - flushed rosy cheeks, drunken glossy eyes and all.

Your entire body froze when his lips met yours, his arms wrapping around your torso. Whether it was the alcohol, the moon or your genuine desire, something let yourself melt into it fully. Your arms wrapped around his neck as you deepened the kiss. You expected him to escalate it with his tongue the way he did before, but he didn’t, his lips just took yours in completely.

You decided to take the plunge and slide your tongue against his bottom lip asking for entrance and he complied. His hands slid up your sides pulling you closer and your hands tangled into the little curls at the nape of his neck. The entire experience was different than any other time you’d hooked up with him, it mirrored his current demeanor – soft, gentle. He wasn’t groping and squeezing like he normally did, he just held you as your tongues danced together.

You wrapped your legs around his waist and found a not surprising prominent bulge beneath you. A groan rumbled in his chest when you pressed your panty-covered warmth against his boxer-covered erection.

As you grinded against him, the feeling of his tip nudging your bundle made you so desperate to relieve the rampant buzzing in your core. It was making you weak and was distracting you from the kiss. You reluctantly pulled from his soft lips and fell onto his shoulder letting out tiny whimpers as he rocked his hips against you.

He pressed full kisses in the curvature of your neck causing a churning in your tummy that wasn’t arousal, but something different. Something familiar but you couldn’t quite place. “You’re so fucking gorgeous.” He mumbled into your shoulder, his voice deep and dripping in liquor.

A short breathy whimper involuntarily escaped you, “You think so?” Your inner voice taking no time in reprimanding you for seeking validation from such a douchebag. His names for you weren’t normally so kind, nevertheless a compliment.

“Mhm,” He hummed against your shoulder, his hand tangling in your hair as he peppered kisses across your skin. “The prettiest.” He whispered below your ear, unleashing a kaleidoscope of butterflies throughout your chest, your ribcage locking them in. You knew it was the alcohol talking but you clung to every word.

You were so needy for him that only small moans left your mouth, “Please Austin, I need your cock.” You breathed out, your heart beating so hard you thought it might pop out. Your hips rutted against his length the wet material of your panties allowing your lips to part around his shaft, teasing him with your entrance. “Please?” Exaggerating your whine.

He groaned at your actions, fingers harshly digging into your thighs. “No.” He said simply, his touch now gliding up your thighs, “Let me take care of you.”

His response took you by surprise, “W-what?” You stuttered but didn’t pull from him. A hand drew up your inner thigh, scorching the skin it passed, then fingers up your panties.

“Let me take care of you baby.” He repeated, his fingertips easily pulling your panties to the side and rolled the pads of his fingers around your clit. A gasp left your lips at the sudden pleasure.

“Fuck.” You faintly muttered against his neck and leaned into his touch. “Please. I need you.” Your right hand tugging at his hair and the left curling into his shoulder.

“I wanna try something, do you trust me?” He asked, the question throwing you off, both at what he could possibly be thinking and whether you knew the answer. It occurred to you that it was the second time he’d asked you that impossible question, the first time in the saloon on set. You wondered on what planet he was living on where he had given you any reason to trust him. If anything, he should be the last person on earth to trust. And yet, you lied, “Hm- Yes.” Curious to find out his idea.

He purred against your shoulder and gently lifted your hips off of him then placed you across his lap. With one hand he slid your panties down your legs and draped it over the edge of the pool. You held onto him by an arm around his neck as his hand slid up your thighs again and spread them wide.

The pads of his fingers once again found your core, rounding your swollen nub then down dipping into your entrance. “Fuck.” You breathed out as his digits curled into your sweet spot. You let him float you to the edge of the tub, it was unclear to you why until you felt the strong stream of water from one of the jets. A sharp gasp fell from your lips at the immediate pressure.

“Oh my god,” Your chest was heaving, and your nails dug into his back. While the jet took care of your clit, his fingers were taking care of your core, fucking you in a way you never thought fingers could. It was rhythmic like a choreographed dance, every pump into your pussy landed in a curl into your g-spot and you never knew you could feel so much pleasure from so many areas at once. Your heart was thumping in your throat with a tight knot in your stomach threatening you to unravel already. “Oh my god Austin.”

“I know baby, I know.” He continued his plight on your neck, trailing passionate kisses all over it. “Feels good doesn’t it?” He asked.

“Y-Yeah- Fuck.” You could barely hear him over the pounding in your ears. His little experiment with you was overriding every nerve, waves of tingling pleasure washing through you, even causing your toes to curl. “Fuck Aus, I’m close I’m so fucking close.” You whined, squeezing your eyes shut barely holding on to your sanity. The bliss was practically numbing your brain, every thought was him, only him. His eyes that could make you wet with just one look, his plump lips that stamped kisses all over you, his skilled tongue against your own and even better on your clit, the curve of his neck and collar bone where you’d place your own kisses, his agile hips that allowed him to drill his perfect fucking cock into you. Right then you could’ve sworn he was some Greek god from the insurmountable euphoria that possessed your body.

His mouth pulled your skin into a suck while his tongue swirled over the darkening spot. “Let it out baby c’mon, cum for me.” His deep voice rumbled against your neck. That and a perfectly synchronized hit of the jet stream on your throbbing bundle and his fingers curved into you, set off your climax. The height of your orgasm ripped through you so violently that your moans were completely silent – which you we’re grateful for because you knew your coworkers were just above you. Your nails dug into his shoulder and your thighs clamped around his hand and you heard him let out a sort of entertained chuckle. If you weren’t underwater your juices most definitely would’ve soaked his thigh completely.

Once fully spent, you fell limp on his chest, heavy breaths flowing into his neck, “Fuck.” You murmured. His arm curled around your waist, pulling you closer against him. The act was so intimate compared to… well any other interaction you’d had with him. He was always so cold and rigid, now he was tender and warm. You blinked up at him, his focus on the stars above you. Even his moonlit features were soft compared to his normal sharp edges. “You sure like to use water fixtures as sex toys huh.” You tugged a lip between your teeth hoping the joke would land.

He took a moment to respond, his brows scrunching together before looking down at you, “Huh?”

You let out a tiny giggle, “Because the faucet on set-“

“Oh oh, yeah!” He boomed a drunken laugh straight from deep in his chest, “Yeah, I guess I do.” Looking down at you, for a moment you couldn’t tell the difference between the stary midnight sky behind him and the twinkling navy in his eyes. “Did you not like it? Because it seemed like you did-“ His voice sounded almost insecure, as if he was worried about disappointing you. The hint of insecurity echoed the one from earlier in the hotel room, about his glasses.

“No, no I definitely do.” You laughed, pulling yourself up to wrap both arms around his neck, straddling him once again. “I’ve just never been with someone so… innovative.” Your lips pressed together to stifle a chuckle.

The joke earned you another hearty laugh from the glowing blonde, which made you realize you’d barely heard him laugh before, nonetheless smile. And right now, he was a grinning mess, and he hadn’t even cum. From the lack of stiffness beneath you it seemed that the alcohol had taken its toll. Under any other circumstances, if there was a more competitive game at play, you would’ve tried your hardest to return the favor. But he was giggly and touchy and the nicest you’d ever seen him, you didn’t want to cut it short, so you laid against his shoulder again just taking in his breathing.

“You’re pretty funny.” He said once he caught his breath from laughing.

“Yeah?” You blushed and a giant grin pulled at your lip’s edges, for some reason you felt embarrassed and hid further into his neck. “I’m glad you think so.” You whispered beneath his ear and molded your body further around his, taking advantage of his warmth. He reciprocated, wrapping you up in his arms.

Silence fell for what felt like an eternity and you thought for sure the moment was about to end, and this unicorn version of asshole actor would disappear. But he surprised you yet again.

“I’m hungry.” He stated simply, “I want fries.”

You couldn’t help but let out a laugh, “What?”

“I want fries!” He repeated, matter-of-factly. “We should go get fries.”

“Austin, where the fuck are we gonna get fries? The kitchens are closed and it’s not like we can DoorDash in a snowstorm.” You stated the obvious, sitting up in his lap.

You watched the gears churning in his head as if it was a difficult equation before the most mischievous playful smirk spread across his face. Immediately you knew it couldn’t mean anything good. “Austin,” You warned, propping up a cautious eyebrow, “What are you thinking.”

He practically threw you off of him, landing you to be floating alone in what now seemed like a giant empty ocean without him in it. He scrambled quickly into the hotel room, dripping water across the carpet, only in some plaid boxers. Once the blur of the action caught up to you, you followed suit, nearly flying out of the tub into the freezing cold air. “What are you doing!” You called after him as he hastily dried off with a towel and changed into sweats and a hoodie faster than you’d ever seen anyone move.

The mischievous smile never left his face in his hurried actions and stayed focused on his mission. In that moment you realized you were now babysitting a drunken toddler. Like any good caretaker, you matched his speed but soon remembered your limited wardrobe choices. He was already halfway out the door and the only reasonably warm and accessible choices were another hoodie and pair of sweats from his duffle.

“Austin!” You first shouted loudly after him, stumbling out the door trying to slide fully into your sneakers. Then in a more hushed yell, not wanting to wake the entire lodge at 2 am. “Where are you going!”

“Fries!” He threw over his shoulder as he booked it down the stairs.

“Hey! Slow down!” Taking a moment to catch your breath before following him down the two flights of mahogany stairs. “You couldn’t have taken the elevator at least?”

Finally, you caught up to him, standing in front of the restaurant that hosted the rotating buffet during the day. You leaned over attempting to catch your breath gripping your chest, reminding you that maybe a weekly gym day wouldn’t hurt. “They’re clearly closed Aus.” You huffed out, gesturing your arm at the darkened restaurant. The way it was laid out was that the floor was open so the buffet serving areas and seating were open, but the kitchen was locked. He was bent over eyeing the lock. “You’re not thinking what I think you’re thinking, are you?”

“Hmmm.” He hummed and stood up to face you, he held his tongue between his lips as he seemed to analyze you, then reached into your damp hair and plucked out a bobby pin you had forgotten was in there. He went back to his crouched position, unfolding the metal accessory in his sizable hands.

“No no no.” You whispered, “Austin you’re gonna get us in trouble what are you doing!”

“I’m opening a door that we found, already open y/n, obviously.” He slid the pin into the keyhole and wiggled it around.

“Oh god you’re really doing this aren’t you.” You brought a hand to your temple.

It didn’t take long for the doorknob to click open, probably because the hotel didn’t think patrons would be breaking in. “Aha!” He proclaimed, flinging the door open and turning on the blinding overhead lights. Relief washed over you when you didn’t hear immediate alarms blaring.

“I fucking can’t believe you’re doing this.” You exasperated, dropping your arms at your sides, “You know there aren’t going to be just magically fresh fries right?”

“Relax Intern,” His mission stayed focused on pillaging the stainless-steel industrial kitchen for his desired snack. “I know what I’m doing.” Waving you off.

“Oh,” You placed both hands on your hips, “You break into kitchens often?”

He shot you an unimpressed look, “No, if you must know,” He somehow miraculously found the frozen fries. “I used to work in a kitchen, I know how to make some pretty fuckin’ dope fries.” He inspected the knobs of the deep fryer and clicked it to a high setting.

“Oh, you mean before you were just an actor?” You sassed, crossing your arms across your chest and popping out a hip.

He rolled his eyes at you, “Believe it or not I was once a struggling actor.” The fries sizzled in the oil when he dunked an obscene amount of into the appliance.

“Ah, I see the humbleness didn’t stick around.” You teased back, walking over to the wall and flipped off 3/4ths of the blinding fluorescent lights, leaving only the one’s above the counters.

He shot you another glare, “Keep talkin’ like that and ya aren’t gonna get any fries.”

You contemplated continuing your defiance but ultimately decided the midnight snack was more important. They were already in the fryer after all, might as well follow through.

He drew the fries from the oil, threw them into a giant silver bowl, and salted them like a pro, tossing them in the air and everything.

You ended up on the floor of the dark kitchen, sat across from him binging on the perfectly golden fries and a random wine bottle you’d found. For someone who was evidently wasted, they were beyond impressive. “Damn, you weren’t lying, these are so fucking good.” You complimented then shoved a handful of salty fries into your mouth. On a first date, you’d never eat like that in front of anyone, but this wasn’t a first date, this was a drunken adventure with an asshole.

“I told you.” He went for another fistful of salted potatoes. “I was the best damn line cook that surf and turf place had ever seen.” He sassed, waving a fry for extra attitude.

Your eyes rolled involuntarily, “You so would work at a surf and turf restaurant.”

He feigned insult with a dropped jaw, “What is that supposed to mean!”

You giggled and shrugged, taking a sip from the wine bottle. “You just give that typa vibe.” You teased, covering your mouth to hide the chuckle that threatened to erupt.

“Well, that’s not very nice.” He picked up a fry and tossing it at you. He shot a smirk at you then stole the wine bottle, taking a long swig. His plump lips molded around the bottle opening, his adam’s apple bobbed with his swallow.

You gasped, “You’re not very nice.” You plucked a fry from the heap and hurled it back at him. His gaze turned to a playful one, moving slowly to the bowl scooping a bundle of fries and heaving them at you.

“You’re a fucking child you know that?” Your tone serious but gasping an equal bit of fries while he was focused on your expression, throwing it right back at him. First the water fight and now this? Who the fuck abducted Actor and who was sitting across from you?

“Oh, you’re gonna pay for that.” He sat up on his knees, taking a fistful of your improvised dinner and aimed a bit too close to your face. Your hands immediately covered your eyes, “Ow!” You whined, sitting back on your legs, “You hit my eye!”

Instantly you heard him move the bowl and wine out of the way to cross the gap between you. “Oh my god I’m so sorry.” The hands that normally had been so rough on you, now delicately holding onto your wrists.

“It really hurts.” You whimpered, not moving your hands from your face.

“I didn’t mean to y/n, I swear.” He said softly then gently tugging at your hands. “C’mon let me see, we can wash out your eyes or something.”

A mischievous smirk spread across your lips beneath your hands, taking the fries that landed on you and smushing them into his chest. “Ha! I gotcha!”

Utter shock softened his face once he realized he’d been played. “That’s not fucking funny, I thought I- that I had-“ He struggled to find his words amidst the swirl of competitiveness and deception. It seemed as though his thoughts had halted as he watched your expression. The silence bounding around the industrial kitchen was haunting, unsure as to whether he was actually upset or if he would counter your move.

While you were attempting to decipher his motives, he abruptly took your cheeks into his large hands and pulled you into a kiss. The way his lips felt pressed against yours sent flutters down into your tummy, but they were different than the usual flurries of desire he gave you, these almost made you sick.

It took no time for your own hands to find a home tangled his hair. He inched forward indicating that he wanted you to lay back and you obeyed the silent request, slowly leaning back to land flat against the thankfully freshly mopped floor.

The kiss was tender, not hungry or ravenous, not even pushing to enter your mouth. In that moment, he wasn’t looking for anything more than that.

Your lips stayed locked for what seemed like a lifetime. A part of you almost grew uncomfortable at the intimacy, reflexively wanting to deepen the kiss. That’s all he’d ever wanted before after all, wasn’t it? You’d never had just a kiss before, with no ulterior motives. Why would he?

So, you wanted to fast forward to the part you knew was coming, not wanting to linger in a meaningless moment longer than necessary. You couldn’t afford to hold onto a fantasy, nor did you want to. But every muscle in your body ceased to function. His hands held your face and drew the pads of his thumbs across your cheekbones gently while your fingers traveled through his hair like a maze.

He was the exactly that - a maze, a human embodiment of one. You followed each path of his thinking you figured the way out, only to find you had no idea what you were doing or where you were going. You were trapped within an impossible labyrinth you never meant to enter.

His lips struggled to demagnetize from yours and hovered above your face. His navy eyes swirled reluctance, seemingly lost in some maze of his own. “I uh-“ He sat back on his legs, scratching the back of his head and eyes diverting from you. “We should probably head back to the room.”

And just like that, you reached another dead end in his labyrinth.

When you woke the next morning, the bed was empty. At first it took you by surprise, then a pit formed in your stomach. It was naïve of you to think that your drunken adventures with a rare Austin would change anything, foolish to think that version of him would stick around in the sober daylight. You wanted so badly to believe that wasn’t the truth, but you knew it was.

It dawned on you, why did that pit even form? This was the shithead that tormented you at work, treated you like shit and called you insufferable. In what twisted reality should you be sad that the illusion of a decent human fueled by alcohol didn’t stay for breakfast. At what point did you decide you wanted that version of him to stay? That’s not really what you want, was it? Of course not.

You brought your palms and pressed them into your eyes in a feeble attempt to clear out the thoughts swirling in your head. In a swift fling of the thick bedding, you unglued yourself from the bed, shuffling over to the window to check on the snow status. Thick snow still coated every surface, but it wasn’t nearly as bad as before, which meant that you’d probably be freed from this prison in the next day or two.

“Thank fucking god.” You mumbled to yourself, instinctively tucking your arms into your sides when you felt a chill. It was only then that you realized that you were still wearing his clothes. For whatever reason, you did a quick scan of the room as if someone would see you pulling up the collar of the hoodie taking an inhale. It smelled like him mingled with his cologne, a woodsy musk. You mentally scolded yourself when the tinge of longing filled your chest. Why the fuck would you miss him?

Then the memory of you sitting with him on the kitchen floor flashed across your mind pulling a giddy grin across your lips. “Fucking stop it.” Smacking your palm into your forehead. You shook your head trying to shake out whatever fucked up disease had taken over your mind, that was the only explanation for what you were feeling. The best way you could think of trying to remedy this ailment of yours was to take a long, hot shower. Maybe it’d wash it all away.

Once in the bathroom you let out a groan when you noticed all the towels were used and thrown about. “Fucking men.”

You headed down to the lobby and got the attention of a clerk. “Hi sorry to bother you but could I possibly get some more towels?”

“Sure of course! It’s no bother sweetie.” The middle-aged attendant sweetly smiled before heading into the back office.

She returned with a tower of fresh white towels. “There you go hon.” Placing them on the granite counter in front of you, “Your boyfriend use ‘em all?” She questioned in a joking tone.

You reflexively scoffed, “He’s definitely not my boyfriend.”

“Hm.” She pressed her lips together as if she had more to say but didn’t want to divulge.

“What?” You asked curiously, raising an eyebrow at her.

“Well it’s just- well I remembered you both from the night the snowstorm first hit so-“ She seemed to be trying to piece together some pieces of a puzzle in her head.

“…Mhm?” You urged on curious as to where this could possibly be going.

“So, when we had a vacancy open up yesterday, we called and asked him if he wanted to take it.” You knitted your brows together as you now tried to piece together the puzzle. “And well… he declined. So, I just assumed…”

“He turned down a room to himself?” You repeated for clarification, which was met with a timid nod, obviously feeling guilty for sharing personal information. “I uh, I have to go.” You stated shortly, snatching the tower of towels, “Thank you so much!” You thanked while you quickly made it back to the room.

After your much needed long, hot shower you decided to roam the all-inclusive resort. The only perk of being there was that there was decent amount of things to do during the day. From bars to in house casinos, arcades, spas, even a bowling alley. While you told yourself it was because you were bored, in the pit of your tummy there was a part of you that hoped you’d bump into your…enemy?

You wandered around the wooden halls of the resort with a pamphlet of all your options. Each corridor, room and lobby were decorated in typical lodge décor, animal heads on the wall, buffalo print everything, luxurious fireplaces. Everything except the deer heads was stunning, if you visited under different circumstances the mini vacation would’ve been a tranquil little getaway.

Since Austin supposedly hated you, Landon was a creep and Tom had his own friend group, you were alone. There was a door at the very end of the hallway that intrigued you. Once you peered in you saw a much cozier den-style bar, a huge square sectional couch facing a stone fireplace. On the opposite a very quaint bar. As you scanned the room for possible acquaintances you landed on a group of familiar faces.

“Y/N!” Called Tom, “You’re just in time. We’re just about to play truth or dare!”

What we were in 6th grade?

You locked eyes with your resident tormentor, because of course he’d be there. There was a split second where you thought things would be different after last night but when he gave you a warning look to decline the game offer, you knew it was a pipe dream. That gentle, playful man from the hot tub and the kitchen was gone, just like that. Then, the hatred you’d always felt before piped back into you, like a coffee pot filling with molten hot caffeine. Keeping eye contact with him the edges of your lips curled into a cocky smile, “Sounds great.” You sauntered over to the place next to Tom that faced opposite of Austin.

A few rounds of the game ensued, nothing too juicy at first but the game soon heated up when the group had downed a fair number of drinks. It was a stagehand’s turn to dare Austin. The brunette male, who had been working near many of your interactions together, gave him a playful smirk, “I dare you…” His eyes landed on you, “To make out with y/n.”

How fucking juvenile

You weren’t sure why the absolute jarring panic settled into your stomach, but Austin’s expression of immediate disgust didn’t help.

“I’m not doing that.” He said sternly, his tone oddly irritated.

“Oh, c’mon dude, it’s just a kiss.” The stagehand, Ryan, prodded jokingly.

“No. I’m not fucking doing it, give me a truth.” His brows low and knitted, eyes dark and mean.

“Fine.” Ryan, clearly annoyed and drunk, matched his unnecessarily angry tone, “Have you fucked the intern?” The question hushed every person around the fireplace, an uneasy tension filled in the air.

Blood rushed to Austin’s face and a vein pulsed in his forehead. He was trying to restrain his anger, squeezing his fists to stave it off. Your own steaming coffee pot was on the verge of overflowing.

Whether it was the tequila or something else that fueled you was unclear but you balled up your own fists, and before you could stop yourself, the words flew out, “I’m not a fucking intern!” You boomed out louder than intended and shooting you straight up on your feet.

Austin rolled his eyes, sharply pushing off from the couch, “I’m fuckin’ outta here.” He scoffed, headed for the doorway.

“Answer the question you fuckin’ pussy!” Called a way too far gone Ryan. “We already know the answer.” He added in a cocky snide.

Any sinister look you’d ever seen on Austin didn’t compare to the one that bore into Ryan. You were surprised his fist wasn’t bashed into his face already, if there weren’t so many witnesses he probably would’ve been pummeled to a mush.

“Let’s get this fucking straight.” He hissed, his eyes locked on Ryan, never once glancing at you, like you weren’t even in the room. “I have never and will never put my hands on such a low budget, low level, filthy whore nobody of an Intern.”

Your jaw nearly hit the floor at his words, a consequential dagger speared right through your intestines. You knew he hated you, he called you insufferable. You knew he hated you, you knew it even after last night, but you never expected him to say such vile words about you. A lump formed in your throat and tears welled in your eyes, but you couldn’t cry there – not in front of all your coworkers, not after being completely and utterly humiliated. Every ounce of alcohol in your bloodstream fueled your stomp over to him and didn’t even realize what you had done until you felt your palm stinging like a bitch from landing on his face. His hand instantly reaching to cover his newly red cheek from your slap, his eyes wide in disbelief, then narrowed with furious realization.

“Fuck you,” You attempted to hide the quiver in your voice, “You fucking rotten, disgusting, repulsive human being.” Your teeth clenched, you knew your little outburst could very well get you fired but there was too much rage and liquor in your body to care.

He did nothing, not a brow raise, not a twist in his face, nothing. Perhaps he’d never had someone talk back to him like that. Without further explanation he just pushed past you, knocking your shoulder back with his weight. The gravity of what just happened settled into your chest, having such a cruel intimate moment in front of all your colleagues was probably the most embarrassing thing to ever happen to you. Something you’d never be able to forget, something you could never forgive. Blood rushed to your cheeks as you felt all eyes on you and your heart began to race feeling the purest form of ‘flight’ mode you’d ever had in your life.

When you escaped there was no sign of Austin in sight. You knew he had to have gone back to the room, hopefully to pack his shit and leave. And if he wasn’t then you would, even if you had to beg to stay in someone’s room. All the way up the elevator your heart thumped against your rib cage, shaking out your hands and taking deep breaths mentally preparing yourself for confrontation.

You unlocked the door and found him standing there, looking like he got there just before you did. The anxiety of the confrontation dissipated the moment you laid eyes on his hardened face. “Get out.” You stated harshly, brushing past him yourself mimicking his actions from before.

“Intern there’s nowhere for me to fucking go.” His voice already raised and ready for battle, “I’m not fucking happy about it either but-“

Your brows scrunched together downwards, steam practically pouring from your ears. “You’re a liar! A filthy fucking liar! Get. Out.”

“What the fuck are you talking about? I’m not lying-“ He began but his incessant voice was driving you more livid by the minute.

“I know about the fucking vacant room Austin.” You growled, using his name and not Actor to let him know how serious you were. Just from how he opened his mouth to speak you could tell he was about to lie again so you beat him to it. “The front desk lady told me. Tell me Austin, if you hate me so goddamn much then why didn’t you just take the room? To fuck with me? To take me on some stupid drunken adventure to trick me into thinking you actually have a heart?”

He stayed silent, which only made you angrier. You just called him out on his bullshit, and he couldn’t even react. “Actually no, you know what? I’m the fucking liar. Because out there I called you a human being, but you’re too fucked up to be a human, you’re a fucking cockroach – I try to stomp you out but you keep fucking coming back.” When the words left there was an immediate sense of release, everything that had built up in your system spilled out.

“Oh, I’m a cockroach? If I’m such a cockroach, then why do you keep coming back for more huh?” He hissed, his arrogant scrunched face pissed you off even more. He had no right to talk to you like that after what he did. “I didn’t hear you complaining when I was making you cum.” Purposely using jarring sexual defenses to hurt you.

You thought lava was about to start seeping through your skin, what made it worse was that you didn’t have an answer. “Augh!” You grunted, pacing in a short lap, your fingers curling around air. “You are so fucking infuriatingly heartless it’s nauseating!”

He scoffed, “Well, I may be heartless, but you’re fucking naïve.” He snarled. “Naïve to think I would ever actually enjoy your company outside of your body.”

Your jaw dropped, tears pricked your eyes again realizing how senseless you were to have thought he was anything else but the arrogant, cruel man you met that first day on set. The building rage turned your tears into a terrifying laugh, “Oh, my body huh? That’s funny because out there you said you’d never touch me, when in there” Pointing to the back door leading to the hot tub, “You touched me with nothing in return for you. You were the one who wanted to ‘take care of me’, you held me, you called me pretty!” The ending sounding so pathetic, instantly regretting the vulnerability knowing it would be used as ammo.

He cackled, “Oh c’mon Intern you can’t be serious, nobody ever taught you not to believe the things men say when they’re drunk? It didn’t mean anything, I was drunk, I lied.”

The words sliced like blades and every ounce of restraint drained from your body. “You are by far the worst person I’ve ever had the disgrace of knowing. I wish I never fucking met you. If I could go back in time, I would turn down my apprenticeship. My apprenticeship, because I’m not and have never been a fucking intern!” Your voice raised into a yell, “I would throw away my entire career if it meant I could avoid ever crossing paths with you.”

A few moments passed and he was still there, silent and blank. You couldn’t read him at all, if he was angry or sad or insulted. He could’ve easily turned it on you, but he didn’t. He just stared at you.

Everything from the first day on set to the day of the snowstorm, yesterday and everything in between, compounded in your mind. Every insult, every backhanded comment, every accusation replayed in your head. No one had ever made you feel as low and as shitty as he did. The lump from before reclaimed its place in your throat and tears began to pool in your eyes, finally needing real answers. “Why do you treat me like this huh? Why do you say the horrible things you say to me? Call me all the vile names you do? What did I ever fucking do to you?” While you were holding back tears your voice remained furious and combative. “Why do you fucking hate me!”

His brows furrowed and his sharp jaw noticeably clenched, “You’re just fucking infuriating and annoying and it- it just drives me fucking insane!”

“What does! What the fuck do I do that bothers you so fucking much!” You nearly screamed out.

“You- just-“ He was grasping at straws, “No matter how much I try to hate you I fucking can’t!” His words darted from his tongue faster than he had time to process. His widened eyes gave away how much he regretted his slip up.

“W-What?” You stuttered out confused, that being the last thing you expected him to say. The rapid thumping of your heart accelerated, allowing only short breaths and you even felt a little lightheaded. You were overloaded, angry, confused, hurt, heartbroken, embarrassed. The small bit of control you had left was gone and the tears made their full appearance.

The minute he noticed the tears streaming down your face, Austin’s twisted face softened right before your eyes, even softer than the night before. “I-“ He stepped towards you but you immediately winced and recoiled from him.

“Don’t fucking touch me!” You cried out wiping the tears from your face in an attempt to halt them.

In true Austin fashion, he didn’t listen, and his hands found your own on your cheeks. In an even stranger turn of events, he leaned down and placed a long kiss on your lips. Then he gently pulled your hands from your face, you looked up at him with watery puzzled eyes. You instinctively smacked his arm to push him away, but his strong arm didn’t budge.

He cupped your cheeks in his hands and placed a tender kiss under each stream of tears. “I’m sorry.” He said quietly after each kiss. Every single action he did was like a twisted turn on rickety rollercoaster ride. He returned to your lips, pressed another kiss followed with, “I’m sorry.” He whispered, an extra pillowy light kiss, “I’m sorry.” He repeated, another kiss, another apology. He trailed his lips down to just below your ear, stamping additional kiss there, “I’m sorry.”

Your breath hitched in your throat as he pressed another sloppy kiss below your ear, “I’m sorry.” No matter how furious you were didn’t stop the butterflies in your tummy. A longer, sloppier kiss further down your neck with a raspy, “I’m sorry.” Sent a buzzing through your chest and directly to your hips.

Maybe it was the same for you, no matter what horrible things he did or said to you, no matter how much you tried to convince yourself you hated him, you couldn’t. Maybe you were just as fucked up as he was.

“I’m sorry, let me show you how much.” He muttered against your skin, his fingers delicately smoothing down your sides like he was plucking a harp.

The shift from abhorrent to sweet gave you whiplash, not knowing which one was genuine. You squeezed your eyes shut, forcing any tears out, the salty liquid dripping off your chin. “Austin, I can’t.” You breathed out, the panic attack-like heaving never left. “Austin, you literally just humiliated me in front of everyone. You called me a filthy whore nobody, in front of everyone.” Reluctantly pulling from his grasp. His once venomous eyes now soft and apologetic, but that’s exactly what he did wasn’t it? He’d wrap you back in his hold like prey, constrict you until you were blue in the face, still hypnotizing you with snake eyes. You were a rat and he a cobra trapped in a 10 gallon tank, and he was still convincing you that he wasn’t trying to consume you whole. “I just can’t. I just- I respect myself too much. And I need you to go. I need to be alone.”

He stepped towards you once more, his fingertips ran down the back of your arms reaching your hands, taking them tenderly into his. “I’m so sorry y/n. I won’t do it again. I promise.” He bargained in a tone so quiet you’d think he was paranoid of people hearing him from behind the walls. “I’ll never talk like that ever, ever again.”

“Austin, I don’t know what you want from me.” You slipped from his hands, “But there won’t be another ‘again’. You were right the other day on set, this shouldn’t have happened.” Your voice cracked, “I need you to leave. Now.”

His look faltered, a look you’d only ever seen on the faces of defeated Olympians. “Okay.” He said lowly, stepping forward and cupping your face then pressing a gentle kiss to your forehead. His misty blue eyes looked down at you, “If you ever wanna cash in that apology, you know where to find me.”

Without another word he gathered his things and left to find the other room. The minute he was out the door, every emotion you had suppressed from the event took over. You doubled over gripping onto your stomach as you heaved, rivers of tears pouring from your eyes. Tight twists and knots wrapped around your abdomen, constricting you like the snake he was.

You stumbled to the bed and fell in it, wrapping the sheets around you and like a 15-year-old with their first heartbreak, you wailed into the pillow. You never felt so worthless, so pathetic, so stupid. You were so fucking stupid for letting him slither his way into you the way he did. How could anyone talk about someone like that? Someone who just last night was so sweet and gentle with you. Someone who said they didn’t mean any of it but then wanted to apologize so tenderly?

It made you sick to think how you let such evil into your body. You weren’t even able to say that you missed the red flags, you didn’t, you saw them clearly and raced past them. He showed you exactly who he was, and still let yourself believe he was something he wasn’t.

Yeah, your house was now haunted, but you were the one who invited the demon in.

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author notes:

thank you all SO much for all the love and support on this story, it has truly been overwhelming. i know my numbers aren't as big as others but they're big to me - appreciate EVERY comment, message, ask, etc. i love you guys so much - i never expected this fic to get that much attention so again, thank you xx

if you enjoyed this story/my writing pls consider giving my main fic, Forever Winter, a read - if you like angsty sad smutty you’ll probably like it lol

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liz-allyn · 2 years

Text

heat of the moment, pt 6 - carpe diem (finale) [tasm!peter x reader x groundhog day au]

summary: everything ends, eventually. angst; fluff; humor; final destination vibes; and yes this is in tribute to my favorite episode of television ever written - “mystery spot”

words: 11.6k

warnings: death. a lot of it. repeatedly. in this chapter: tw description of death by car accident, fire, drowning, asphyxiation, self h*rm, mass casualty event.

a/n - don't you hate it when stories just dump a ton of exposition in the last chapter? haha fuck

Part 1. Part 2. Part 3. Part 4. Part 5. Part 6.

The sun had long set as you crouched down stealthily on a roof overlooking an industrial complex next to the Holland Tunnel. It was near the entrance on the New York side of the Hudson River, far from the dumpster you sought out.

After leaving Claire, you had met Peter across town and inspected the burned-out site tediously. There wasn’t much left behind, save for a few singed sheets of paper nearby. Shipping invoices for an address on the other side of Manhattan.

Alarms went off in your head at the perplexity of someone dumping their trash all the way over here. You were determined to follow this lead, and quickly.

Working against time, you were now in pursuit. You gazed out over the street below as you studied the tall, rectangular, art deco-style, brick structure. The exteriors looked repainted and somewhat modernized, part of ongoing renovations to the Holland Tunnel, you figured. Now at the heart of the tallest building, a 50-foot-wide clock face doubled the size of ‘Big Ben,’ with golden dials that added to the aesthetic.

The clock face leered maliciously at you, like a hungry dragon perched on a tower. Like the hands would come alive, and spring out sharp teeth that gobbled you up.

What a way to go.

The face stares down at you, knowingly, like a proverbial ‘Eye of Sauron,’ meeting you at the edge of Mordor. The minute hand lurches past 10:50 to 10:51, reminding you of its quicksilver nature.

You’d never made it past 10:30 PM before.

You’re deep behind enemy lines.

Wearing the Spider suit, Peter swung to your position, his feet landing on the roof as gently as a cat’s. He crouched down to your level, lifting his mask from his sweaty face.

“Okay, so something is definitely off with that building,” Peter whispered. “It’s using a ton of power. Way more than any New York City building should.” He noted your distant look and silence, hypnotized by the ominous feeling the clock gave you. He eyed you suspiciously, “Exactly what are we looking for here?”

You pursed your lips, observing the slow crawl of vehicle traffic clogging itself into the tunnel. You could see the lights of a construction crew near the tunnel entrance. You smelled the heavy fumes of semi trucks trickling in between passenger vehicles. You felt the wind chilling the back of your neck, sending a shiver down your spine.

“Something bad,” you replied grimly.

Peter stared at you incredulously, brow furrowed, waiting for further explanation. The humor was beginning to evaporate from his mood, a heavy tension settling in between you. No further explanation followed.

“Okay,” he declared, more firmly now. “We’re done here.”

That caught your attention. He reached for you and you flinched back. “No, wait, we can’t leave!”

“Honestly, this has gone on far enough,” Peter replied with a serious tone, his mocha eyes filled with concern. “You start talking about time loops at breakfast and then you throw muffins at me and ghost me for hours, you won’t answer any of my questions, you can’t just lay shit out like that and not explain yourself—”

“We have to get inside that building.”

“Why?!” he snapped, temper flaring. You knew his frustration was branching from his anxiety, and you had to find a way to diffuse it.

“Something inside that building is affecting your abilities!” you whispered harshly. You were also losing control. “Why don’t you want to find out what it is?”

A deep crease formed in his brow, stubbornness feeding indignation. “Tell me why. Why can’t we just go home right now? Tell me the truth!”

You pulled your eyes away, dropping them to the ground. “We can’t go home, Peter,” you firmly stated, and it sounds like you’re admonishing a child.

“Tell me why right now, or I throw you over my shoulder—”

“Because I never make it back home alive!” you blurted out.

He blinks at you. Eyes narrow. Observes you. Brow furrows. Head tilts. Pupils go wide. Face pales. Heart rate increases.

“What do yo—” the words trickle off, shrinking away as they leave his mouth. With them, they take the air from his lungs. His shoulders tense. “What does that— what are you talkin’ about? What’re you sayin’?” On reflex, he grasps at your arms. His face searches yours, betrayed.

You reach out for him, gripping his shoulders. It begins to ground him, but doesn’t release the building pressure. You steady yourself. Meet him in his own time.

“Peter, listen,” you softly cooed, “it’s okay. Everything is going to be okay.”

He exhaled a breath he wasn’t aware he was holding. His eyes looked like he was torn between the urge to argue, and the need to hold you.

He swallowed hard, his fingers finding yours, gripping your hands like he used to hold his stuffed animals. “I don’t under—”

“What I’m about to say is going to freak you out, but we need to be on the same page about this,” you slowly explained. “Every day for the last... I don’t know how many... several-thousand Tuesdays... I wake up. And it’s Tuesday. And then, somehow, it ends with me dying. And then I wake up—and it’s Tuesday again.”

He stares. Eyes glazing black.

“Stay with me, Pete,” you pleaded, your hands cupping his cheeks. “I think whatever is causing this to happen is connected to something in that building.”

“No,” Peter said. Darkness enveloped his voice. “You’re not gonna die. Don’t say that.” He shook his head. An unsettling firmness crept into his tone.

“I have this feeling,” you explained, “that it’s all connected. The time loop. Your abilities not working right. The dying—”

“You’re not gonna die,” he asserted, with even more resolve.

You pursed your lips, falling silent. For a moment, you let yourself drown in the dark pools of his gaze. They’re like thick, dark storm clouds. Heavy blackness crackling with bolts of lightning. You read his face carefully, choosing your words delicately.

“I believe you,” you answered, finally. It was the truth. He studied your reaction too, and tension released from his shoulders slightly. “But we have to get into that building.”

He nodded once, swallowing back his anxiety, then took you by the shoulders. “But you’re not going in there. You’re staying put.”

You rolled your eyes. “Peter, we don’t have time for this!”

He shook his head, jaw firmly set. “I’m not doing this again.” He wasn't talking about last Tuesday.

“I am not Gwen,” your voice bellowed.

He went silent at her name, still dumbstruck by shame and grief. It was like you slapped him. He dropped his eyes to his feet, sorrow building steadily.

You softened your expression and your tone. “You aren’t the ‘you’ from then, either.”

The sharp, smooth line of his jaw quivered for just a moment, and you brushed your fingers along the freckles there. His lashes fluttered closed at the gesture.

“I know that you’re afraid of what you’ll lose,” you whispered, featherlike. Like telling a secret. “I know you think it’ll break you. But I’ve seen the best and the worst of you, Peter Parker.”

He looked up at you, and the utter endearment on your face was enough to take his breath away. It brought tears to his eyes.

“I believe in you,” you stated. As certain as the sky is blue. “Every day. Forever. Even if you don’t believe in yourself. So please. Believe in me.”

Peter grimaced, fear piercing his chest. He pushed it down. He nodded. “Always.”

You held his gaze lovingly. Despite your predicament, you strangely wished you could freeze the moment.

“Okay,” you smirked, eyes bright. “Let’s do this. Remember, there’s no fate but what we make, right?”

You moved to stand, but he reached out and grabbed you. “Wait.” You glanced back at him, catching the puzzled look on his face. “When did you see Terminator?”

You quirked a brow, teasingly mysterious in your reply. “I’m a sci-fi nerd, now. What about it?”

11:14 PM

After careful effort, and more minutes than you wanted to lose, you made it inside to find your suspicions were correct.

You were standing inside of a control room next to two knocked out, webbed-up security guards. You closely studied a vast array of CCTV monitors above you. Your boyfriend was hunched over a screen, listening intently to the conversations of plant workers—some of which he’d recognized as former science division employees of Oscorp. You recognized some of them too, from Alchemax. And Horizon Labs. And Roxxon.

“Okay,” you asked, glancing warily at the time. “Do we have any idea why these guys are all in this building? Was there a mad scientist convention or something?”

“Is it weird that I’m low-key, kinda offended that I didn’t even get an invite?” Peter grumbled, shaking his masked head bitterly. “Am I weird for thinking that? Is that bad?”

You gave him an incredulous glare. “I’m sure it’s in your spam folder.”

“It’s fine,” Peter flatly declared. It wasn’t fine.

He uncrossed his arms to lean his weight on his palms, staring at one of the screens intently. “Here,” he noted, calling your attention to a computer screen visible on the security camera. “These are plans. They’re building something. We need to find out what.”

11:22 PM

Deeper inside the facility, you hid behind the door of a windowless office. Your palms were clammy, and sweat poured out of you. It wasn’t just the tension. It was the heat. A massive source of energy, Peter had explained, from some part of the building.

A bespectacled, bird-like, middle-aged man wearing a lab coat entered the office. You slammed the door behind him. Startled, he turned around and spotted you, a mix of confusion and growing alarm. He opened his mouth to yell just as two red gloves reached down around his head and clamped his jaw shut.

You looked up at Spider-Man, dropping from his hiding place on the ceiling, as he muffled the screams of the captive. The scientist flailed uselessly in Peter’s arms, overcome with panic. You shuddered as you noted Spider-Man’s grip was little a rougher than normal.

“Spidey,” you soft admonished. He looked up at you and spotted the timid anxiety in your eyes. He took the hint.

Peter turned the captive scientist around and sat him down in his own desk chair. With a couple of webs he was bound to the fake leather padding.

The man gaped up through wire-rimmed glasses at Spider-Man’s towering frame, his eyes wide with terror. Without being prompted, you reached into the pockets of the lab coat, snatching his ID badge off its lanyard. You pocketed several keys, metal and magnetic. You flipped through his wallet for clues.

Spider-Man kicked his leg up on the seat of the captive’s chair, leaning on his own thigh crassly. “Hey, buddy!” the vigilante greeted with a bright, cheery smile as you searched him.

You glanced at the name on the scientist’s ID badge. “Joseph,” you supplied.

“Hey, Joe!” Spider-Man corrected. Despite the chipper tone, the muscles in his neck were pulled taught. He looked like a dog about to snap. “Whatcha buildin’ under here?”

Your boyfriend released the scientist’s mouth. His wild eyes darted anxiously between the two of you. ‘Joe’ attempted to calm himself down, stuttering as he sought out what’s left of his courage.

“Do you have any idea where you are?” he spat ferociously. “You two are screwed! You’re not getting outta here. You’re in way over your heads! I’m not telling you anything! You can’t make me talk—”

A web slapped over Joe’s mouth, gagging him. You shot your boyfriend an impatient glare. “We don’t have time for this,” you warned him.

Spider-Man kept his attention on his captive, shrugging his shoulders. “You heard the lady,” he said, almost apologetically. Peter dropped his foot from the chair and sidled up to the man, gripping his hair and yanking his head back. You flinched as you watched him brandish a blade and swipe at the webbing across the man’s mouth with cobra-like quickness. He sliced an opening in the gag, allowing his captive to breathe.

“Since we’re a little short on time, we’re gonna cut to the chase, yeah?” he explained, his pleasant-sounding demeanor coming short of masking the malice in his tone. “I’m Spider-Man. You’re a bad guy. And you caught me on a really weird day. So instead of hanging you by your ankles off the edge of a high-rise, or tossing you off the Statue of Liberty, or webbing you up over Fifth Avenue in nothin’ but your tighty-whities, I’m gonna fast-forward.”

The vigilante tilted his head down until he was directly in front of Joe’s face, lowering his voice to a serpent’s hiss. “You’re going to tell me what you’re building here, or I’ll end you. Simple as that.”

You flicked your eyes to Spider-Man, shifting your weight between your feet. You squeezed your eyes closed, pushing images of Peter’s rage from your anxious thoughts.

“Keep in mind, I can hear your heart beat,” your boyfriend sneered, looming over his captive. “I can tell what it sounds like if you’re lying. I can hear my own heart, too. Wanna know what it sounds like right now?”

The scientist stared back blankly as beads of sweat trickled down his forehead, eyes as wide as saucers.

Spider-Man tilted his head, lowering the opaque lenses of his mask closer. “Murder.”

The single word hung in the air like the toll of a bell, or the echoing crack of thunder. Thick black toxic smoke that threatened to choke them. Your stomach twisted, recognizing that his teasing savagery was more than simple posturing. You’d seen him like this before. You had experience in keeping an eye on the pressure gauge.

You glanced at the clock on Joe’s desk.

11:24 PM

“Please,” you blurted out, unsure to whom you were speaking. Maybe to anyone who would listen.

“Here it is,” Spider-Man declared. “The one and only time I’m gonna ask. What supervillain’s new gadget are you building here?”

The quivering man stared at him, dumbstruck, slowly turning so white he’d eventually camouflage into the walls. “You-you got this all wrong...” he stuttered.

“How so?” Spider-Man didn’t miss a beat. “Details, Joe.”

“...Claire?”

Your surprised tone snapped both men's attention back to you. You stood at the scientist’s desk, eyes fixed on a photo frame. You picked it up, gazing down at the faces in shock.

Joe’s demeanor changed instantly. Any sense of bravado he had evaporated. “That’s my daughter’s name,” he gulped, pulse thumping in his throat. “How-how do you know my daughter’s name?”

You stared down at the photo of your beautiful Grim Reaper, flanked by a woman you had come to recognize as her mother and the man currently webbed to a chair. The photo was taken on a bright sunny day, Yankee Stadium in the background. Claire looked much younger than she did now, as did both of her parents. Not just younger—brighter. More hopeful. More alive.

Your mouth hung open as you glanced up at the captive. “Joseph Rivers? You’re Claire’s father?”

Dr. Rivers looked up at Spider-Man, his face going pale. “Please,” he whispered, his voice breaking. “She doesn’t ha-have anything to-to do with this mess. Leave her out of this. I beg you.”

Peter met your eyes, and although you couldn’t see his face, you knew he was confused. You didn’t tell him about Claire today, or any of the times she’d tried to kill herself.

Your gaze dropped down to Dr. Rivers. “Do you have any idea what your daughter’s been doing today?”

He looked perplexed. “I... I—”

“Do you know she tried to commit suicide?” you snapped, marching up to his chair. He flinched at the information, a lightning bolt shooting to his heart. You crossed your arms, glaring down at him indignantly. “And where were you?”

You know it’s judgmental. You know it’s unfair. But this was Claire. And Tuesday had given you enough insight into her life to feel like defensive, after everything.

“I—” Rivers was still opening and closing his mouth like a fish. “I don’t... They don’t let us have our phones—I mean, I-I knew she had troubles before...” His throat tightened, chest constricting, “Is-is she okay?” He looked heartbroken. Terrified. You saw Peter’s shoulders slump, head turning away.

You watched Rivers through narrowed lids, but you couldn’t deny the agony in his question. The fear in his face. “For now,” you answered. “Because I saved her. But she needs real help.” You leveled your gaze. “And so do we, Mr. Rivers.”

Rivers looked back up at Spider-Man, still observing the side of his mask. The masked vigilante was unable to meet his gaze. He looked over at you again, reading your resolve. His eyes dropped to the photo frame in your hands, his chin clenching. Eyes also filled with shame.

“It’s a weapon,” Rivers declared. “They tell us it’s not, but I’m not stupid. We all know what it is.”

“What kind of weapon?” Peter asked, facing him again.

“You ever heard of Havana Sickness?” Rivers asked him. “Well, that was version one.”

Your eyes ping-ponged between the two scientists. “Can somebody translate?”

Peter explained, his gaze fixed on Rivers, as he provided you context. “Few years ago a group of diplomats started getting sick in Havana. Nausea, dizziness, ringing in the ears—all the way up to sudden, unexplained pain and trouble with cognition. Nobody ever found out what caused it. Some people think it was all in their heads, others think it was some kind of staged attack.”

“A directed energy weapon,” Rivers revealed, his voice grave. “And now it’s been perfected. This one is far more advanced than anything that’s ever been built. Electromagnetic waves charged by plasma. Its power is unprecedented.”

“Sounds rad,” Peter snipped flatly. “Probably worth a pretty penny to the highest bidder. Speaking of which. Whose bankrolling this, Joey? Is it Fisk? Is it the Osbournes?”

Rivers let out a bitter laugh. “You’re joking, right?” He stared at you incredulously. “You think you’re dealing with some greasy, mob boss? Some corporate shenanigans?”

You and Peter glanced at each other.

“Look around you, kids!” Rivers spat. “We’re in a secret underground base underneath the Hudson River, for godssake. This whole operation is run by Uncle Sam. It’s the fucking C.I.A., you dimwits.”

You stared at him, stunned and silent.

Peter threw his arms in the air in exasperation. “I don’t believe it! Seriously?” He spun in a circle, hands landing on his head, then faced Rivers again, jabbing his finger in his face.

“Okay. Number one. Rude," he said, clipped. Just because I wasn’t invited to your little World of Warcraft campaign doesn’t make me an idiot, got that?” Your shot a withering look at the back of your boyfriend’s head.

“Second:” he continued, with a disgusted tone. “Billions of dollars and almost all of the greatest minds in the world and the G-Men are using this—for what—a new toy? What, did Santa not bring you guys enough guns for Christmas?!”

Rivers argued, “Technology like this would make nuclear war obsolete! It could stop any intercontinental ballistic missile—safely—miles above the Earth’s atmosphere.”

“Could also burst the eardrums of some unruly protestors,” Peter criticized with disdain. He crossed his arms, glaring down at the scientist suspiciously. “Destabilize a few unfriendly governments?”

“Burn the tiny hairs off a spider?” You asked, finally interrupting the quarrelling men. Rivers and Peter gave you a look.

You sighed, “This is exciting and all, but I can’t reiterate how much time for this shit I don’t have!” You glared at Rivers impatiently. “Congratulations, Doc. The weapon you’re building also tears a hole in the space-time continuum. Well done. Now would you please just tell us where it is, so we can pull the plug?”

The older man glanced back and forth between you. “You… can’t…?”

“It was a figure of speech, man,” Peter snapped at him. “She doesn’t actually think there’s a power cord—”

“No, what I mean is it’s already been built,” Dr. Rivers explained. “You’re too late. It’s on a truck leaving now.”

11:41 PM

This is the stupidest thing you’ve ever done. You’re certain of it.

And it may very well be the last thing you ever do.

You watch helplessly as the box truck carrying the Weapon of the Future is driven into the tunnel. Your boyfriend (who left you behind to stay put) is attached to the top of it, in an attempt to steal it.

You think on that again.

Your boyfriend, Spider-Man, is going to steal one of the most advanced weapons the world has ever known, from the C.I.A.

This is only the second stupidest thing he’s ever done. The top spot was recently awarded when he webbed you to Rivers’ desk and left you behind. For your safety.

As if you didn’t have your own pocket knife on you, to free yourself from the webbing.

You had run outside just to see the unmarked white truck entering the tunnel. There was no way of catching up to it on foot.

So. Here you are, contemplating the stupidest thing you’ve ever done.

You see a stationary police cruiser, brake lights on, engine running. Waiting in line to enter the tunnel. You recognize the single occupant in the front seat.

“Y’know, Cage,” you declare as you saunter up to the open drivers’ side window, “you really gotta stop working doubles.” The rookie officer flinched at the sound of your voice, turning towards you in utter confusion. “Just because your wife threw you out doesn’t mean you don’t need sleep.”

He gazed at you, jaw falling open, white as a ghost.

You reached forward and gripped the back of his head, slamming his nose into his own steering wheel.

He hissed in pain as you opened the drivers’ side door and reached down towards his belt. You unclipped his service arm pistol, pointing it at him. Like you’d done it 1,000 times before.

Officer Cage froze in horror, staring up at the barrel of his own gun, stunned at your speed and dexterity. Doing that never failed to give you a rush.

“Out,” you ordered.

Hands raised, he pulled himself out of his seat and stood awkwardly next to his car. You hopped in the drivers’ seat and flipped the switch to turn on the emergency lights.

Like you’d done it 1,000 times before.

Perplexed, Officer Cage watched you incredulously, as you leaned out of the window and tossed his weapon back at him.

The second it landed in his hands, he’d accidentally pulled the trigger. But no bullet was fired.

“I emptied it,” you explained.

He looked at you like you were a witch.

“Maybe spend some more time on the range first?” you offered gently, shifting the car into gear. “And maybe in some therapy, too?” You stepped on the gas pedal, leaving him in the dust.

You swerved, driving around the heavy congestion of vehicles, entering the tunnel. Sirens wailing.

11:43 PM

Peter held on tightly to the roof of the cargo hold as the truck drove around the traffic, allowed by the tunnel construction crew to pass. He honestly started to wonder if the tunnel was really under construction at all, or if it was all some elaborate hoax.

Maybe you were right, he thought. Maybe everything is connected and therefore nothing is nothing and we’re all pawns living in some sort of simulated plan.

“God, I really need to touch some grass,” he groaned through gritted teeth, as he ducked his head beneath the overhanging signs of the tunnel.

11:44 PM

You saw the truck ahead of you. You toggled the police car’s sirens, switching it to a piercer effect.

The short bursting yelps must have caught the driver’s attention, because you saw brake lights flash. Then, they turned off as the truck sped up. Your stomach sank.

“No, no...”

You could see the lanky limbs of your boyfriend flail as he struggled to get a better grip on the roof of the vehicle. You sighed, biting your lip with trepidation. The device wasn’t even on and already he was becoming less sticky. The truck dashed on, weaving around vehicles, disappearing from sight. You stepped on the gas and tried to catch up.

What you could not see, what Peter could not see, and—tragically— what the truck driver could not see, was the debris in the road.

A six-inch steel ratchet that had fallen off of one of the construction trucks.

For any speeding vehicle, running over it would’ve resulted in a missing hubcap and a bent rim.

For a 26-foot box truck weighing 15 tons, traveling at 67 miles per hour through a crowded construction zone, the result was catastrophic.

You watched, wide-eyed, as the truck jolted in front of you.

It was simple math.

Peter was knocked loose as the vehicle swerved like a serpentine from left to right, side-swiping vehicles on both sides.

Every variable locked firmly in place.

Spider-Man was thrown into the hood of a stalled vehicle. You screamed as you watched his body crush the windshield. You slammed on the brakes.

The unchanging constant. The outcome was inevitable.

Everything else that followed was like a choreographed dance.

A symphony written by fate. Every note falling into place, crescendoing to a deafening disaster.

The truck swerves. Pitches. Thrown off balance.

Road construction workers turn and shout.

Another truck is stopped in the path. The cargo filled with flammable gasses.

There’s a collision.

A spark. A bright light.

A shockwave.

11:47 PM

Outside the tunnel, Officer Cage pauses from his frantic shouts into his radio. He turns and sees a bright light shooting out of the entrance. The shockwave that follows jolts cars, bursts glass, sets off alarms, and moves the Earth beneath his feet.

The clockface of the Holland Tunnel ventilation tower is jarred, the hands jerking loose. The arms drop.

The time now says it’s 1:21. But it's wrong. Everything about this is so wrong.

There is no time left.

Cage turns pale as the tunnel entrance crumbles like a sandcastle, sealing all the vehicles inside.

Another burst of light erupts. This one from the middle of the river.

11:47 PM

You’re gripping the steering wheel, and then you’re upside down, slamming into the roof. You taste blood and glass and metal.

Everything is white. You reach up to shield your eyes, but you can’t.

The light is blinding, shooting through your flesh like an x-ray. You can see right through your hands, observing every bone, vein, and capillary.

Then.

Darkness.

“It was the HEAT of the MOMENT...”

No.

“...Tellin’ me. what. my. HEART meant...”

No, no, no, I need more time!

“...The HEEEAT of the MOMENT…

Showed in your EYEEEES…”

Your eyes pop open as you are viciously ripped away from the darkness. They burn instantly from the smoke.

Your senses are assaulted by the smell of blood and gasoline and salt water. Screams and sirens invade your ears.

“It was the HEAT of the MOMENT...”

Your bleary eyes struggle to adjust to the shadows, dark shapes taking form. You see an orange flickering glow. Punctuated with flashes of red and blue. Flames. Voices call out. Echoing. Steady horn blasts. Car alarms shrieking. The shrill cacophony of dozens of personal safety alarms—PASS devices, as Tuesday had taught you—magnify as they bounce off the concrete.

There’s a roaring sound, too. Like a train passing.

A sheet of crushed glass blocks your view. It looks like ice and snow, like you could reach out and wipe it off the windshield.

You remember that you’re in the police car.

You’re on your chest. You know your ribs are broken. You’re used to the pain.

“Tellin’ me. what. my. HEART meant...”

Peter. You have to find Peter.

“The HEEEAT of the MOMENT…

Showed in your EYEEEES…”

You hate this fucking song.

You push yourself up, crawling over the inverted dashboard, pulling yourself along with bloody fingers. You kick the shattered windshield out, feeling the sharp heat of crushed glass cutting into your leg. It’s no matter. If you have air left in your lungs, you have to find Peter.

When you crawl out, you’re drenched in freezing water. Your feet slosh in it as it crawls up your ankles. You take a shaky breath, and immediately sputter. Your ribs are definitely broken. And the air burns your lungs when you breathe.

You look up, trying to get your bearings. Look around.

This is the worst, you think. This is the absolute worst.

But no one will ever have to take your word for it, you realize.

History will be more telling.

Around you, it’s pandemonium.

The lights in the tunnel have gone out, save for headlamps and flashing lights of work vehicles. The red and blue police lights from your overturned cruiser are among them. And there’s fire, all around you, at both ends of the tunnel. Pockets of blackness in between the bonfires.

It reminds you of war. Of war movies depicting the aftermath of the Blitz. Of grainy film footage of napalm swallowing a landscape, like somebody took the Sun and poured it out on a jungle.

The smell is awful and it makes you want to gag. Burnt rubber. Burnt hair.

Dozens of cars and trucks, some of them crumpled like empty soda cans, all of them burning thick pillars of black smoke. The smoke looms across the tunnel ceiling. You can’t even see the ceiling tiles. Above you, there’s a boiling sky of black clouds.

You hear the chorus of shouts. Shrill shrieks reverberating off the cement and tile. It sounds like people are being tortured. Like giant Grizzly bears must be ripping people apart. Disembodied voices screech for help, for God, for missing loved ones. You think you can hear an infant crying. Selfishly, you just want them to be quiet.

In the distance, the deep rumbling roar continues, like standing next to a jet engine. You also hear the echo of a synthesized keyboard riff, the wailing of an electric guitar. Asia rings out over the tinny squawk of car speakers from a battered minivan nearby.

Because of course it fucking would be.

Massive chunks of concrete and twisted steel litter the broken asphalt. The whole roadway is flooded. A steady icy current claws at your calves, threatening to push you off balance.

Immediately, you hear shrieks at your left, louder than the ones in the distance. You spot the figure of a man who has just woken up from the blast.

Awful timing on his part.

He’s engulfed in flames, burning alive. His lower half is pinned beneath an SUV. He looks like the squirming wick of a candle. The screams tear at your soul. You yank your eyes away. Your first instinct is to look for a rock to put him out of his misery. He’d thank you for it.

Another sound jars you, the crumbling collapse of a wall nearby. You hear several sharp pops. You struggle to see through the dark. Melted bodies clad in safety orange glow clothing are right beside you. The water crests over them.

You look up towards the popping noises. Ceiling tiles, you realize. Water shoots into the tunnel under the immense pressure.

You squint beyond the dark, your eyes stinging from the acid clouds. Through the smoke and shadow you can see a wall. It’s moving. Your heart nearly seizes as you connect it to the roaring sound.

It’s the sound of the Hudson River, pouring into the tunnel, waves crashing into the new underground cavern.

“Peter!” you shriek. Eyes darting around, remembering that you saw him fall. You turn around towards the opposite end of the tunnel. There’s nothing but rock and ash and burning metal behind you. And more screams, echoing in the dark.

The tunnel must have collapsed, you realize. You wonder how many cars were buried beneath the rubble. Could be hundreds.

Your heart slams in your chest. You wonder if Peter is buried among them.

“Peter?” you scream, more panicked.

Your voice cracks, and you know you’re not hoarse yet. You know it’s the carbon monoxide, the formaldehyde, the cyanide—the fatal cocktail of poison billowing around you. You can taste it in the air. You have minutes maybe.

It’s getting harder to see. You don’t want the darkness. The hellish chorus bouncing off of the cave of the tunnel. You’re struggling to hear his voice. You don’t want the quiet.

You hear your name. Like a ray of sunshine.

You hear it again. Your boyfriend’s voice rings out.

“Peter!” you call out to him.

In the shadows, a lanky figure stumbles out. You can barely make out the red-and-blue of his suit. His mask is off, he clutches the remnants of it in his bloody fist. It looks like he’s been dragged underneath a vehicle. The space shuttle, maybe.

He limps, his suit filthy and torn. A mix of sweat, blood, and soot coat his face and hair.

But you can see his eyes. Black holes ripping galaxies apart. You feel a rush of relief as you wade through the water towards him.

“Peter!” you sob, unaware of when you started crying.

He spots you, and he might as well have dropped to his knees with tearful praise. “Thank god,” he gasps. He darts to you, sloshing through the water with his limp. As soon as he reaches you, he grabs ahold of you like he’s never going to let you go. You don’t want him to.

His hands expand around the sides of your face like blinders, blocking out horrors that he didn’t want you to see. “You’re bleeding,” he exclaims, studying you carefully.

Blood streaks down the right of your face from a gash at your hairline. It’s not as bad as it looks, but now you’re aware of the pain. You don’t mind it too much. You’re mystified by his freckles. Your thumbs idly come up to wipe away the mud on them, wiping away some of his tears as well.

“Bug, look at me, are you okay?” Peter pleads. He’s still searching your face, unaware of how bad the damage is.

The terror in his throat snaps you from your daze. You nod, salty tears stinging your wounds, as you bury your face in his chest. Your voice shakes. “I thought you were gone—”

He pulls you upright, his hands planted on the sides of your head as he steadies you. “I’m here,” Peter declares. It’s a promise. “I’m gonna get you outta here, alright?”

Your eyes widen, remembering the futility of your situation. You glance around, sparing another look to the chaos around you.

Peter lets go of your cheeks to grip one of your coat sleeves. With a yank, he rips the fabric of the arm at the seam, clean from the shoulder. You watch in a haze, as he rolls the torn sleeve off of your arm, dipping it in the water below.

“Put this to your mouth!” he instructs, handing you the wet fabric. He has to shout over the roar of the water. “It’ll help with the smoke. We’re downwind right now. We gotta get below the flames.”

You know that’s a gross oversimplification of your current predicament. And you want to protest, because what about his lungs? But you follow his orders.

You glance from left to right, as does he. It’s pitch blackness away from the fire and water. You’re pinned between rock and river.

He holds your hand, tight enough to hurt. The shouting has begun to diminish now, which brings you no relief. You realize you can’t hear the baby anymore. You can't stop crying. You wonder what Peter must be feeling, and hope that his senses are still dampened.

“C’mon,” he pulls you closer to the water side. That way leads further underground, but you understand the physics of it. Smoke rises, and the tunnel is acting like a chimney. Choosing to instinctively go back the way you came, to try to dig through the mass of rubble closer to the exit, would mean death by asphyxiation in less than two minutes.

You sludge through the frigid water. It’s waist-deep now, swirling around you. The further you descend the higher it gets. Peter grips you tight. It’s the only thing that keeps you from losing your mind.

“Please help! Somebody help!”

You freeze in your steps and need your whole weight to keep Peter from pulling you along. You search frantically, recognizing that voice.

“Please, somebody help! I’m stuck!”

You see a crumpled taxi tossed on its side, teetering dangerously on a pile of rubble. Water bubbles up around the cab. Chewed fingernails with chipped polish reach out through a small gap, waving frantically.

“Claire,” you breathe, stunned. You watch with wide eyes as the woman you saved earlier that Tuesday flails, trapped in the crushed taxi. The steel cages her in. Black water steadily creeps up around her. “Claire!”

“Help, please, I can’t move! I can’t—!” You hear coughing, gargling.

“Peter, she’s stuck!” You point, and look up at him. The look on his face breaks your heart. He’s overwhelmed. He’s terrified. He looks at you, looks at the cab. He’s being torn apart inside. You’re asking him for too much.

You pull away, “C’mon, help me!” Reluctantly, he moves with you, releasing your hand. He moves faster than you through the water, standing taller in the depths.

You reach the taxi as Claire’s screams become more panicked. The car is beneath boulders of concrete. You attempt to climb up on the cab.

“Stay back!” Peter tells you. “This whole thing’s unstable!” The water is swarming, rising. Boiling, frigid, black death threatening to swallow the cab up.

“Please, please, please,” Claire is babbling. You can barely see her bloodied face between the bars of her cage. “I-I can’t move my legs, please… I can’t—”

Peter works quickly above you to clear the rubble. “Hey, it’s me!” You tell her, your voice bright and placating. “Remember me? It’s okay. We’re here. Spider-Man’s here and we’re gonna get you out—“

Claire’s voice is weak, she’s barely able to speak between giant gasps of air. “Please, don’t—donwanna die… don’t wanna die, please I don’t want—”

You grip her hand tightly in yours. Tears sting your eyes. “Peter!”

“I’m goin’ I’m goin’!” He’s using his whole body to lift and loosen the rubble from the taxi.

The ground beneath you quakes. A rumble. Suddenly, you drop. You fall backwards to the water as the mound that the taxi is teetering on collapses. The taxi drops beneath the waterline.

A web snatches your shoulder, keeping you above water, though the vacuum of air caused by the displacement threatens to drag you under. Peter plucks you from the water, suspending you by the web.

“Be right back,” he huffs, like it’s nothing. He dives back in after the submerged taxi.

You watch him disappear into the blackness, and can’t help but feel overwhelming horror at being left alone. It makes you feel ashamed. After the longest few seconds of your life, he reemerges. A body with sopping corn silk hair flops over his shoulder.

He climbs back up to you and you drop from the web onto the hood of a floating car. The space between you and the ceiling is dramatically lower. You’re barely able to see him through the smoke. He hoists Claire up and lays her on the floating car, and you crawl towards her, putting your face to hers.

Her eyes are wide. Still. You have to be inches from her face to be able to see her terror-stricken look.

“She’s gone,” Peter tells you, his heart breaking a little more as he says it.

You’re leaning over her dead body, seeing her bluish face for the 10,000th time. And you’re shrieking her name. Sobs wracking your body. The whole tunnel vibrates with your howls.

And that song. The notes melting away. The chorus drowns as its pulled under the river.

“C’mon, we gotta go!” Peter pleads. He grabs you by the arm. It’s not a request. He’s getting you out of there. Somehow. “We gotta climb—”

A horrible groan roars above you. You look up to see a piece of the ceiling moving downwards. It’s hurtling towards you, like a giant asteroid. Your extinction is imminent.

Peter pushes you out of the way.

You plunge back into the water, and it feels like a thousand needles pricking your skin. You open your eyes, which was a mistake, because you’re nearly blinded by the chemicals and salt water. You kick for your life. Your shoes feel like bricks, but you kick until you break the surface.

You gasp and choke and sputter. “Peter!” You gag and cough. “Peter!”

You open your eyes and you're still in Hell. Only blurrier. Darker. So quiet. No more babies. No more anyone.

You hear your name again. His voice chirps out. You look up and see the devil in question. The sight of him reels you in like a gravitational pull. You crawl over broken glass and rock and metal until you’re beside him.

Despite being half dead, your heart flutters at the sight of him—a glowing freckled face. Sparkling amber eyes. Messy crown of brunette hair, sopping wet with saltwater, motor oil, and blood.

He looks at you from the side, deliriously dazed and huffing with exhaustion.

Once he sees your face, he grins wide. Soft. Reminds you of the bright warmth of your bedsheets.

“Sunflower…” he breaths. He sounds dreamy. He sounds exhausted. His smile dims. “You’re bleeding...”

“I’m okay,” you sputter and cough, trembling from the cold and adrenaline. You're higher up now, near the ceiling of the tunnel. You can feel the water creeping up your back. Your eyes scan his face, attempting to see his freckles through the building smoke. You wrap your hands around his face just to know he’s there. “I’m okay, I’m okay... We have to get out of here, baby—Are you okay?”

“I’m good,” he nods, but he isn’t moving fast enough. He looks so tired. “Need— n-need explos...ves.” He shutters, the cold piercing him. “C-cop car. Look—look in the trunk. Needa... explosion. Flash grenade. R-road flares...” He grimaces sharply. You can’t take your eyes off the softness of his lips. “Ch-check f-for pressurized can-canister—”

“I don’t understand what you’re saying—”

“Need to create an explosion... at the ho-hole, wh-where the water... C-create a vacuum—”

“There’s nothing, Peter, there’s no cop car, it’s underwater—”

“You need to go,” he states, and you fall silent. You stare at his lips. Blood tints them. You shake your head. Pull at his arms.

Your whole body shakes. Your eyes are hard. “We don’t have time, Pete. We have to get out—c’mon, we have to go—”

Your icy fingers grip at the warmth beneath his chest. They tug at him frantically. You mean to pull him up with just your thumbs if you have to.

“Bug,” he blinks at you. Tears fill in his eyes.

Your hands are warm. Burning hot. You look down. And that’s when you see the spear lodged in his side. A half-inch wide black, twisted piece of rebar piercing his chest. Your mouth falls open at the sight. It’s needled through his ribcage, piercing the back, slicing through his lung in a way that you can physically feel. Phantom pain from past experience.

Peter Parker’s blood coats your palms. You can’t handle this pain. It’s too much.

You look down at him, head shaking furiously. He silently mouths your name, a hopeless apology. You don’t even know what he’s apologizing for.

“You ha-have to...go,” he chokes out. There’s more blood spilling from his lips. It’s harder for him to breathe. The water creeps up your shoulders, and threatens to drown you both. He’s going to drown before you, you realize, in his own blood.

“Pl-Please,” he says, voice breaking, “please ge-get out of here. Pl-please g-go.”

You shake your head. You grip his hands like holding onto the edge of a cliff. You hold tight, as if that could keep him with you. As if it could bring you more time.

“Ba-baby, please go... Please just go... Please, pro-promise me... you’ll get out of here...”

He’s fading, you realize, and you want to scream into the void. You want to headbutt the rebar and lodge it through your eye socket. Your chest heaves. You squeeze his hands tightly.

You nod your head. Realize that he doesn’t know what you know. He hasn’t seen what you’ve seen. There’s no way out of the tunnel. There’s no saving you. Either of you.

You nod. And he relaxes. “Just go... without me,” he pleads. His hard to hear him over the roar. You nod silently, tears roll down your face.

“Mmm—m'sorry... so-so sorry—”

You’re still nodding as he fights to keep his eyes open. You pledge with your gaze. You promise him that you’ll survive. You lie.

The light is gone. In his eyes, and in the tunnel. His grip loosens in your hold. The water crawls up your chin, and your head hits hard rock. You don’t want to let go. You don’t want to look away.

The water takes him, but you’re still holding onto his hands.

“It should’ve been me,” you cry. To yourself. Alone. In the dark. Underwater. It's the last thing you get to say.

You’re fighting to keep your eyes open, to see through the murky depth. You want to remember every freckle on his face, even as they’re drenched in tears. Darkness settles in anyway.

It’s hard to see how beautiful he is in the dark.

Your lungs burn. There’s nowhere to go.

It should’ve been you. Not Peter.

Every cell in your body screams at you, telling you it should’ve been you. You open your mouth to scream back. A heart-wrenching yowl. Water fills your mouth and your lungs.

You want to wake up. You want to go home. You want to go back. You want anything but this.

Why aren't you waking up?

Elsewhere, above the Hudson.

A clock turns.

11:59...

TUESDAY, 7:00am

Your eyes popped open as you were viciously ripped away from the darkness. Music invaded your ears, your senses assaulted by a toe-tapping tune.

“It was the HEAT of the MOMENT

Tellin’ me. what. my. HEART meant

The HEEEAT of the MOMENT…

Showed in your EYEEEES…”

You opened your mouth wide and let the air fill your lungs. You can still feel the heat. You can smell the water. You gaze up at the stark white of your ceiling as giant tears flood your vision.

Tuesday.

Tuesday again.

You laid there. Shook with an odd mix of horror and relief. It was like waking from the most vivid nightmare of your life. Visions and sounds latched onto you like leeches. You cried silently like a child, cradled by your soft pillows and bedding. The only thing that keeps you from screaming out hysterically is the grounding feeling that comes with faith. Unquestionable. Undeniable.

You will die today.

It’s gospel. Inevitable. You’re supposed to die today. Not just you, you know now, through divine revelation. So many others.

Regardless of how you meet your fate, nothing will prevent that horrific weapon from leaving that facility. The truck will drive into the tunnel. It will hit that debris. It will crash. And everyone in the tunnel will die.

Including Peter.

That is how the day ends, should you be alive to see it. That’s how his life ends.

“Mornin’, Sunflower!” a pleasant voice rang out from your en suite bathroom. A moment later, Peter Parker’s head poked around the corner. His expression serenely naive of your gory last moments.

Your heart shattered at the sight of him—a glowing freckled face, his sparkling amber eyes, a beautifully mischievous smile, and a messy crown of brunette hair.

The memory of his dead face sliced through you.

You looked away, grimacing. Sat up in bed, tears welling in your eyes.

You know what’s going to happen and you know what you have to do. No matter how painful.

Today is the last day of the end of your life.

“Babe?” he questioned, appraising you with a fading smile. He sensed your distress. He could smell your tears. “What’s the matter? You okay?”

You stared at the blankets for a long while, your weight leaning back on the heels of your palms. You remained still, contemplative. The silence goes on longer than he is comfortable with.

You turned your face toward him, eyes sorrowful.

“I’m breaking up with you, Peter.”

It was quiet at the top of the Empire State Building. That’s why it was his favorite spot. Hair slicked with sweat, cheeks damp with salty streams of tears. Tragically, only sort of drunk. Peter’s mask was discarded beside him, next to an empty 3-liter bottle of McCormack’s.

He took a swig from an identical bottle, nearly empty as well. Sourness set heavily on his tongue and it made him even more bitter. He couldn’t even afford the good stuff.

Fucking loser.

He swallowed down the acid water with disdain and self-contempt.

In his other hand, he toyed with the velvet box he kept hidden in his bedside drawer. Today, of all days.

He was past the shock. Past the denial. Past bargaining. Somewhere between anger and depression. Actually, he was a mix of all of the emotions.

You’d killed him. Crushed him. Murdered him in less than 100 words. A shot straight to the heart, without batting an eye. You were the deadliest assassin he’d ever known. You were savage, the cruelest villain he’d ever faced.

You were his everything. He was the problem.

That’s what you’d told him, swinging the axe down and cutting your ties. He was always gone. He was always late. He was always Peter Parker.

Peter Parker would always be Spider-Man.

And that was the nail in the coffin. That was reason enough. The killing blow.

As stunned as he was, he was almost… relieved. He knew this day would come. He knew you were too good for him, too good to be true, and this was a natural progression of that.

He always knew would lose you. He was grateful that at least he wasn’t standing over your grave this time.

He didn’t know how long he’d been crying. He wasn’t sure what time it was. Time was meaningless.

The buzz of his phone was the first thing that broke him from his pity party. He flinched as he frantically dug for the advice.

Shamefully, he prayed that you were calling him to tell him you changed your mind. Or your conversation this morning was part of an elaborate hoax. The world’s greatest ‘punking.’ Ashton Kutcher springs out of nowhere. He’d happily laugh it off. He’d chuckle like a fool and rush home to scoop you up in his arms. Sick burns and all.

Fingers fumbling, he accepted the call and slapped the phone to the side of his face.

The whimper of his voice was pathetic. Truly. “Bug?”

Fucking loser.

“Peter?” A middle-aged woman’s voice shattered his hopes.

Confused, he pulled the phone away to look at the screen: KIM MANNERS.

Fuck. Your mom had his number. He knew it was a risk, reaching out behind your back. She’d been calling him all week, adding steadily to the pressure of his upcoming proposal. No wonder she drove you crazy. She’s probably wanting details about when he was going to pop the question.

Fuckkkk.

“Peter? Are you there?”

He put the phone back to his ear, and briefly considered throwing his phone off of the Empire State Building.

With a flayed voice, he replied, “Hi, Mrs. Manners.”

“Peter? Where are you? What’s going on?” She sounded like a parrot. A parody of a typical New England voice. “What happened?”

Fuck fuck fuck fuckidity—

“Sorry, Mrs. Manners, I-I was gonna call—”

“Peter,” your mother interrupted with a sultry tone. If he wasn’t such an idiot he’d recognize the cougar purr of her voice, “you know I told you to call me Kim.”

He squeezed his eyes shut, his head pounding. Not just from the alcohol. “Ugh, yeah—” He tried not to make it sound like a gag reflex, but it crept out anyway. “Yeasshh, I, uh, sorry, I gotta little tied up—”

Ew! Gross, noo, fuckfuckfuck.

“Now’s not a good—”

“Is my daughter with you?”

FAHHHHHK… She doesn’t know? Of course she wouldn't. She's not subscribed to the 'Watch Peter Parker Get Fucked Again This Week' Newslet—

Ahh! No! Gross! Ew! “Uhm… no, I—”

“Do you know where she is? She’s not answering her phone.”

“I… I-I don’t think she wants to talk right now—”

“I think something weird is going on,” Kim blurted, still oblivious to the fact that Peter had spent the last few hours sobbing on roofs of several New York landmarks.

The concern in her voice pricked the skin on the back of his neck. He stiffened, his spinal column locking in place. Peter shook his head confusedly, “I’m… I’m not sure what you—”

“Peter, listen to me, I know my daughter. I think something is wrong.”

Peter felt faint all of a sudden. “Waddya mean? What’re ya—what’re you sayin’?”

“I think she’s in trouble,” she explained. “She left me a weird message. She can be so moody sometimes. She gets that from her father. I can sense these things, y’know. I’ve always told people I have a sixth sense about this stuff. You know, my grandmother said she could—”

His heart is pounding, threatening to break through his chest. “Wait, wait, wait, what do you mean ‘trouble?’ What message? What did she say exactly?”

Silence on the other end of the line. Peter felt like he was going to vomit.

“She said that she loved me, and she was sorry,” Kim finally said, with an exasperated tone. Equal parts embarrassment and concern. “And that she forgave me.” She said the last part with a growing sense of dread.

“And she called me ‘Mom.’”

Peter’s mouth hung open, every cell in his body alerting him. Something was wrong. He pulled the phone away from his ear, glancing down.

He also had a voicemail. From you.

This was the stupidest thing you’d ever done. But damn was it thrilling. You should’ve been a car thief in another life.

“Hey, Peter,” your voicemail recorded a few minutes ago said, “I realize it’s probably hard to listen to this message, but it’s important that I say this, so I need you to listen...”

You’d hotwired the box truck carrying the weapon and detoured away from the tunnel. You stepped on the gas pedal, increasing speed steadily.

Fifteen minutes before, you’d found Dr. Rivers. You told him urgently that his daughter was going to hurt herself, and that you would tell him when and where she could be found, and that information you were going to give freely, because it was the right thing to do. That despite his past absence, his daughter needed him more than ever. They both deserved a second chance.

Everyone did. And that’s why you needed him to tell you how to destroy the weapon safely.

And he did.

“I’m sorry that this is how things need to end. It’s not what either of us had planned, but life is like that. This isn’t your fault. You really need to know that. In fact, I have to thank you.”

Now you were running. Driving a hot wired truck carrying one of the most powerful weapons ever created, stolen from the C.I.A. You pushed the gas pedal all the way to the floor.

“You’ve taught me the meaning of life, how fragile and precious it is. How important. I want you to know that what you do matters. Even when it feels like it doesn’t.”

You glanced in the rear view mirror, seeing a flurry of red and blue light behind you. Sirens wailing. You smirk. You wonder if Officer Cage is among them.

You switched on the radio.

“It was the HEAT of the MOMENT…”

Your smile widens. You fucking love this song.

“You have no idea how many lives you touch. Including mine.”

The pier is ahead of you. At the end of it, your watery grave. You were pleased as pie, knowing that at least you were taking this bitch down with you.

You sang along, “Showed in your eyeeeeeeeeeeees—”

The pedal is on the floor. The truck launches off the end of the pier. Curves in an arch. Collides with the water. The windshield crumples in front of you as the frigid water pours in, surrounding you, submerging the truck, sinking the weapon.

You feel so alive. Your heart is pounding. Your body is sizzling with energy, even as you’re dragged into the water.

“Did you know that you have the prettiest fucking smile? I can wake up to that smile 10,000 times, and I wouldn’t trade it for anything. I’m so grateful for every second of it. Even the painful parts.”

It’s getting dark. It was beautiful today. And now, darkness. Rising steadily. Coming up to cradle you in its arms as you sink further below. This is how it ends. You’re certain.

You look up out the window, enjoying the rays of sunlight poking down from the surface as they get further away. Your chest is burning, like a flaming sword through your heart. Lungs aching. Ribs threatening to implode. The pressure is unbearable. But you don’t mind. You’re used to the pain.

It’s worth it. Just to say goodbye to the rays of sunlight. To thank them for keeping you warm. For rainbows. Sunsets. Sunflowers and pineapples. For lighting the eyes of the man you love, casting them in a golden hue.

“Live your life. Be better than you were yesterday. And don’t be too hard on yourself, because you can be better tomorrow. Do good things.”

Speak of the devil. A figure torpedos through the surf, descending lower. You see him in the murky haze of the water, the familiar red and blue catching your eye.

Peter’s eyes widen as he recognizes you in the passenger seat. His mask is off. You smile at him. You wave, as water shoves itself down your throat.

“And don’t worry about me. I think everything is gonna work out.”

It’s time to go home, you think. Safe and warm. Where your ancestors await you. You’ll see Nana Manners there. You’ll see your old cats there. Your grandparents. Your parents. Maybe you’ll finally get to meet Gwen. Meet Uncle Ben.

Peter will be there too, one day. You’re certain.

“One way or another... I’ll see you later.”

Peter swims up to the window. He’s scared, but he needn’t be. You can still move your arms, even though they’ve gone heavy. You place your hand on the glass.

“Goodbye, for now. I love you. Forever.”

There’s a message written on your palm. You hope he can read it. Hope he sees it. Takes it to heart. Holds it there. Believes in it as you believed in each other. Forever.

Three simple words.

'SEIZE THE DAY'

The light fades from your eyes.

This is how it ends.

Or so you’d thought.

Round, mellow notes fill the air. Clean, thick strings, weaving together. Vibrating with warmth. Delicately rising, like steam from a hot spring.

Over the hum of a vintage, six-string, acoustic guitar, peppered with banjo plucks, and the crisp ring of a distant electric hardbody, the gentle crooning of John Denver filled your ears.

“He was born in the summer of his 27th year

Coming home to a place he'd never been before

He left yesterday behind him,

You might say he was born again

You might say he found a key for every door...”

Your eyelids creaked open, as dim lights swam in your vision. Your eyelashes fluttered. The ceiling foreign. The room cast in shadow. A machine steadily beeps, off-tempo from the music. Your eyelids are heavy.

Why?

“...When he first came to the mountains his life was far away

On the road and hanging by a song...”

You drew back the curtains of your gaze again, going crosseyed for a moment as they attempted to adjust to the light. You focused on a single, blurry shape, willing it to be still and come into focus.

You squinted, your head aching. Your chest felt sore. Like you’d worn a vise as a bra. Or spent a day as a shake-weight in a gym for giants.

Your vision sharpened. It’s Peter’s eyes—doe-like, dreamy, warm, and so, so tired—that pulls you from your slumber.

He’s so pretty, you thought, and your lip stung from the grin that stretched your face. He sat in a chair at your bedside, dressed in wrinkled clothes that were a little too worn to be clean.

You blinked a few times and really took in the sight of him.

Dark circles colored heavy bags under his eyes. He’s even more pale than usual, you noted. His skin looked dry, like all of the moisture had been squeezed from his body. Through his bleary eyes, you assumed, observing how bloodshot they were.

Peter was worse for wear.

But he was so damn pretty.

Your heart ached at the sight of him. And seeing your eyes illuminate had a similar effect on his. Despite looking utterly exhausted, like he’d been awake for a few millenia, his cheeks pinched up and he could no longer hide his teeth behind his lips.

He smirked at you, then glowed as he drank you in.

Despite this, there was a melancholy in his red-rimmed eyes.

You gazed around at your surroundings. A darkened hospital room. You were in a hospital bed.

You remembered where you’d been and realized you weren’t where you were—the jarring discrepancy confusing and overwhelming you.

“Hey, hey, hey, shh, you’re okay,” Peter whispered, leaning forward out of the chair. Instinctively, he reached up and brushed a lock of hair from your face. He shifted his body closer to you, scooting in the chair, like he was magnetically charged to gravitate to you.

“You’re okay,” he cooed. “You’re in the hospital. You’re safe. You’re... you’re gonna be okay.”

You were dead, you recall.

You were sinking, lungs filled with water, brain shutting down.

You glanced over to see an outdated clock radio plugged in on a table nearby, this one with a 30-pin dock meant for a first-generation iPod. You gaze at the retro white device, recognizing the music.

“...But the string’s already broken and he doesn’t really care

It keeps changing fast and it don't last for long...”

You blinked. Your jaw hung open. Tears pricked your eyes.

“This song,” you breathed, and probably sounded crazy. You felt giddy. You felt like laughing and crying and screaming at the top of your lungs. “It’s... it’s not Asia...”

“Uhm, no,” Peter replied. He rubbed the back of his neck. “It’s John Denver. Sorry. It’s lame. I, uh, I didn’t get a chance to make a playlist, or anything—”

He swallowed hard, his shoulders tense. He looked away from you—to the wall, to the floor, to the space on the pillow next to your head. His Adam’s apple bobbed in his throat. It looked painful, like a rock is lodged in there.

“Wha-what day is it?” you stuttered, gazing up at him. You’re still trying to decide if you’re dreaming. If this is Heaven.

Peter’s brow quirks suspiciously. “Wednesday,” he replied, and you take pity on the exhaustion in his voice. “You’ve been out for almost 20 hours—”

You laughed. “It’s Wednesday?”

He stared at you, his concern growing. “Y-yeah...?”

You giggled uselessly, relishing in the sensation of hot tears streaking your cheeks. “It’s Wednesday!” Your chuckling grew louder, until your throat trips and you cough. Your lungs feel like paper mache.

“Easy, take it easy,” Peter softly admonished you, as he brushed his hands over your face possessively. He didn’t take them off this time. You don’t want him to. “You need to rest,” he replied. “You... got banged up... pretty bad...”

You gazed at the redness of his eyes, and realized what must have happened. You’re stricken with guilt. “I’m so sorry, Peter,” you muttered, but you couldn’t stop smiling.

He shook head, refusing to make eye contact. “S’okay. You’re okay.”

“No, no—”

“You’re alive,” he bit off, a little more firm than he needed to be. “You’re going to be okay. That’s all that matters.”

His thumbs rubbed circles into your jaw. You sensed that he was at war with himself, debating between pulling away from you and stapling himself to you. His fingers gripped you with a compulsive anxiety. A phobia that he would be forced to let you go, and this time, lose you forever.

“I’m so sorry I hurt you.” You looked up at him like you were staring through pearly gates. Like you could see souls being formed with the stars. “I didn’t mean it, didn’t mean any of it—”

“It doesn’t matter,” he repeated, but the tears welling in his eyes told you the opposite. “None of that matters,” he stammered, still unable to look at you.

He felt so far away. You needed him closer. You needed to be wrapped around him, smothering him like a koala.

You giggled and pulled at his arms, squirming in the hospital bed. The movement made you wince. You felt your pulse in your head.

“Just relax,” he fretted, pinning your shoulders down gently. The weight of his palms felt divine. “You gotta rest, Bug. Doctor’s orders.”

He pinched his face, like he’d bit his tongue. That caught your attention. You stared up at him, noting the discomfort he was failing to hide from you. He hadn’t looked at you yet.

“Bug, listen. There’s—” He winced again. “You were out a while. The-the doctors, they ran some tests, and... um, they... Somethin’ came up on the MRI.”

You study the brown of his eyes. It reminds you of whiskey. Of chocolate. Of mahogany.

He struggled to speak, failing to keep his voice calm. “They, um... They s-said there was, uh, a-a shadow of some kind. On your brain.”

You curved your eyebrow as you focused on his mouth. Simultaneously listening to the words on his lips, and watching how his lower lip quivered. You wanted to kiss it. To steady it with your own. Your fingers ached to pull him in.

You must have been squirming again, because before you knew it, Peter grasped your hands up in his, holding them tightly to his chest. He hovered over you, practically whispering in your ear.

“You were already under,” he quickly explained, the rest of the words tumbling out at once. “The-they did a biopsy. Just a little cut, and-and they said they were going to send the tissue off for a-a lab test. And... and when it comes back, we’ll know more about it, but... but the doctor said, he said it was good, whatever it is. Good that we caught it early. He said—”

Peter’s voice broke, and then his eyes met yours. They welled up with tears. He looked deeply shaken, pulled taut. Like his limbs were made of matchsticks and he would crumble or go up in flames at any moment.

He looked so afraid.

He looks as scared as you should be. Your brain moves like molasses to catch up with the fact that it nearly caused your ultimate demise.

Your mind spun with what-ifs and destiny and alternate universes and higher purpose and you have to stay focused on the chocolate of his eyes because that’s the only thing that mattered to you.

Peter swallowed hard, digging out his voice. “They said that you coulda had an aneurysm any day now. Like, you’re there one minute and just... you’d be gone.”

You gazed up at him, spotting the tremor in his chin again. He bit down, to keep it steady. You wanted to pepper his chin in kisses for the next 100 years, or 100 minutes, or 100 seconds. Whatever you could get.

“I, uhm,” he struggled to continue. “I don’t know what I woulda done if... you... if you’d...”

He doesn’t finish the sentence. He can’t, you realized.

“Pete,” you softly replied.

He looked up at you, and he’s so beautiful, it hurts.

You gazed lovingly at him and showered him with adoration. Looking at you is too much for him.

His brow creased with sorrow as he buried his face in your joined hands. Shoulders shaking. You felt him sob into your skin, tears soaking your hospital gown.

“It’s okay,” Peter said with a sniffle, for both of you. He pulled himself upright. He was trying so hard to stay strong. “S’gonna be okay. You’re going to be okay. I-I promise, whatever happens. I’m not gonna leave your side. We face it together. I don’t care if I’m not with you, or we’re not together anymore. It’s—-this isn’t about me. I’m there for you. ‘Til the end, okay? I swear to you. It’s going to be okay.”

You watch him like you’re watching a sunrise. Like a rainbow is forming behind him. Sunlight piercing heavy rain clouds. You’re in exactly the right place. Exactly the right moment.

Time is meaningless. Time is priceless. Time is everything.

You cried happy tears. “I know.”

If he asked you to marry him right now, you’d say yes in a heartbeat.

You couldn’t help yourself—you ran your fingers through his hair. Across his chin. You wanted to map every freckle with your fingertips. Draw invisible lines in his skin. “I know it will, baby, I know. I believe you.”

His expression softened at your smile. He let himself get lost in it. Letting waves of hope crash over him and pull him along with the tide. His lips curved gently, and he returned it. The muscles in his body relaxed slightly.

“We’re gonna be okay,” you promise him, with no real way of knowing.

No way of predicting the future.

And yet, no doubt.

“Because today is Wednesday,” you explain, heart floating in your chest, swelling with gratitude. “And we have today.”

The End.

A/N: Thank you for riding with me for this story. I hope that it brings you peace and healing and happiness.

Take care of yourselves!

Did you like this story? Please share your thoughts with me via comment, ask, or reblog! Thank you for reading, and thank you for supporting fandom and fandom writers!

275 notes · View notes

btsgotjams27 · 2 years

Text

I posted 2,353 times in 2022

That's 2,347 more posts than 2021!

530 posts created (23%)

1,823 posts reblogged (77%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@btsgotjams27

@jung-koook

@sunshinerainbowsbts

@btssmutgalore

@thoughtkick

I tagged 1,594 of my posts in 2022

Only 32% of my posts had no tags

#so queue - 378 posts

#jjk - 219 posts

#jungkook fanfic - 178 posts

#bts fanfic - 124 posts

#knj - 114 posts

#icymi <3 - 100 posts

#btsgotjams27 answers - 99 posts

#jungkook - 98 posts

#jess rambles - 93 posts

#bts jungkook - 90 posts

Longest Tag: 80 characters

#they've ruined me already and i've barely scratched the surface with this fic 🥲

My Top Posts in 2022:

See the full post

→ title: sleepless nights [ drabble ]

→ pairing: jungkook x fem!reader

→ word count: 816 words

→ rating: G

→ genre: parents!au, cute, fluff

→ warnings: tired parents, no sleep, mc is a mom, jungkook is a dad, use of daddy (but in a cute way)

→ summary: you find Jungkook having a sweet moment with your daughter.

→ a/n: This drabble is based off of this tweet.

391 notes - Posted May 29, 2022

See the full post

→ title: stay focused | one-shot

→ pairing: boxer!jk x girlfriend!reader

→ word count: 643

→ rating: M

→ genre: established relationship, boxing au

→ warnings: reader is chesty and a tease, jungkook is mean but really horny because he's on a sex ban, there's a heatwave, swearing

→ summary: jungkook has a big match coming up and you love teasing him.

→ a/n: based off of this tweet. i apologize for ensuing chaos on my dash ;)

400 notes - Posted September 8, 2022

fOoL fOr YoU | jjk ~ m.list

See the full post

→ title: fOoL fOr YoU | mini-series

→ pairing: jungkook x f!reader

→ total word count: 24.9k

→ rating: r

→ genre/au: fluff, angst, romance | college, fake dating, strangers to friends to lovers

→ warnings: alcohol consumption, language, soft boyfriend vibes jungkook (yes, it’s a warning), hand holding, kissing, peer pressure, reader gets drunk (pls drink responsibly), mentions of (cheating, sex, fingering, throwing up), smol kisses, jungkook is v suggestive, banter, light touching, sexual innuendos, long hair yoongi shows up for a like a split second, jungkook is a sweetheart, mild jealously, flirting, jungkook + reader are insecure, miscommunication, jk is a sweet dummy, but we love him anyway, jieun is just as insecure as reader and jungkook (yes, i'm trying to make y'all feel bad for her), confessions, taehyung's a good friend, time skip, jin's shoulders (you'll understand when you see the photo), yoongi shows up again, making out, marking, a smol not so smol erection 🙈, groping, touching

→ playlist

→ have questions or want drabbles? drop them here.

409 notes - Posted October 1, 2022

so.... who's going to write this? *Not it*

552 notes - Posted September 8, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

fOoL fOr YoU | jjk

See the full post

→ title: fOoL fOr YoU

→ pairing: jungkook x f!reader

→ word count: 1.8k

→ rating: pg-13

→ genre/au: fluff, light angst | college, fake dating, strangers to friends to lovers

→ warnings: alcohol consumption, language, mentions of cheating, soft boyfriend vibes jungkook (yes, it's a warning), hand holding, kissing

→ summary: When Jungkook is finally single, you shoot your shot.

→ a/n: i'm closing this blog i swear! but i couldn't resist posting this. k, bye now.

795 notes - Posted September 19, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #so queue #btsgotjams27

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deathbyyoongx · 2 years

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everytime; chapter 3 — myg

╭ chapters: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6,...

╭ word count: 6k

╭ summary: Everyone knew Min Yoongi as the guy who wouldn't say no to a nice pair of tits. His cocky attitude and stunning looks made it hard for most girls to resist. And even though you would like to say you're not like the others in that aspect, you unfortunately happened to be his ex. But even though you despised his guts for the last 3 years or so, he somehow managed to find himself a way between your legs on one semi-drunk night.

╭ pairing: fuckboy!yoongi x ex!reader

╭ genre: smut, angst, bit of fluff, more smut

╭ warnings: enemies to fwb, dom!yoongi, sub!reader, jealous ex!jungkook, bestfriend!jimin, hate sex, yoongi has a degrading kink but so does yn, brat taming, hair pulling, spitting, slapping, hickeys, choking, unprotected sex (STAY SAFE GUYS!), creampie, praise kink, hand kink, possessive yoongi, sexual content ofc, mentions of drinking, ...

╭ author's note: this fic is inspired by the song everytime by ariana grande. I also recommend using the chrome extension InteractiveFics for a better reading experience ;)

Wanted to post this yesterday, but I got too tired from work D:

4/04/2022

Humming to yourself, you were deciding on which outfit you were going to wear tonight. You weren’t worrying about being too flashy or anything, but it just happened to be the beginning of summer. Which meant, not knowing if it would be just as warm in the evening as it was in the day. So you just went with your signature, a grey plaid skirt, platform black converse and a white top. And if you were going to get cold, you were just going to give Jimin a pretty smile for his jacket. You heard you received another text on your phone, which was an indication it was your que to head out. You left your apartment, hopped into the elevator and when you finally arrived downstairs, that’s when you saw Jungkook patiently waiting for you inside his car. You waved him a little hi before you walked over to him and stepped inside his car. “Hey kookie.”

Jungkook smiled “Looking great as always.” He said after eyeing you up an down. “I have something to show you, look.” Jungkook pulled up his sleeve, revealing a freshly done tattoo, making your eyes widen out of surprise.

“Oh my god! You did it!” You grabbed his arm to take a closer look “Did it hurt?”

“Nah, it was fine.” “But I’m planning for a sleeve, probably.”

You couldn’t help but smile out of excitement “Damn, going for the bad boy vibe I see.” You giggled, making Jungkook happier than ever. No words were exchanged after that as he started up the engine and turning on the radio. Jungkook started driving and your evening could begin. As he was just humming along to whatever song that was on the radio just now, you were clumsily trying to apply your mascara. But you couldn’t help but notice in the corner of your eye how good Jungkook was looking tonight. His one hand on the wheel and the other resting on his leg. You mentally scoffed and lightly shook your head. In moments like these you always second guessed if you had to give him another chance. He was always so caring, so patient and especially so sweet to you. But you tried too many times already to make space for him in your heart. No matter how hard you tried, you couldn’t make your heart want him as much as it wanted Min Yoongi. And you hated yourself for it.

When you arrived in Hoseok’s neighbourhood, you noticed the houses started to get bigger and bigger. There were no apartments insight anymore, just big villas that screamed of money. More and more cars seemed to appear, which was a sign for you that you were almost there. You saw groups of people head out all to the same place, making you realise how many people were actually going to Hoseok’s. And that’s when you saw it. The well light up villa, surrounded by different people and the only sound you could hear was the combination of loud music and people having the time of their life.

“Ugh.” You could hear coming from your left. “Can’t believe there are already so many cars at this hour.” He drove up until Hoseok’s house. “I’m going to search for an empty spot to park the car. I’ll find you guys after, alright?” He smiled.

You smiled back and nodded. “Alright.” Jungkook gave you one last smile back before you stepped out of the car. You fixed your skirt straight again and grabbed your phone out of your little handbag. Texting Jimin, telling him you were here. You walked over the front door, noticing it was unlocked. And when you entered, you saw Jimin standing inside, waiting for you.

He reached in for a hug. “Hey, you’re finally here.” Hugging him back, noticing the scent of alcohol that lingered around him. “Where’s Jungkook?”

“He’s just finding a place to park the car. He’ll be here soon.” You explained, looking around again. “Damn.” Was all you could say as you realised how big Hoseok’s house actually was. “The guy has money.” You were looking around, scanning the place, seeing so many faces you didn’t recognize. Also noticing some were already a bit too drunk for the hour. That’s also when you noticed the bottled blond sitting on Hoseok’s couch. It was no other than Jia.

Surprisingly enough, she noticed you walking in with Jimin, making her rather seductive gaze chance into a full on smile. She gave you a little wave, making you smile. But that’s when your eyes suddenly met with some other familiar ones, changing your whole mood instantly. Your excitement had changed into dread and it felt as if your heart had sunken into your stomach. Cause it was him. The man of your dreams and nightmares. Were you surprised? No, you really weren’t. But were you slightly annoyed that nobody had told you he was going to be here? Yes, yes you did. And you just knew that they did it on purpose.

You scoffed and turned your whole body to face Jimin. “You didn’t tell me he would be here.”

Jimin started to act dumb. “Uh-uh-who? I don’t know who you’re talking about.” You felt his hand on your back, directing you to somewhere else in the house to get you away from the person Jimin apparently didn’t know you were talking about.

“The rat bastard on the couching, who’s hands are around Jia.” Remembering what Jia had said to you yesterday, you decided you weren’t going to say hi after all.

“Oh-“ He acted as if he was surprised “You mean Yoongi?” And awkward laugh left his lips as he was looking for anything as an distraction.

“Jimin…”

Jimin scratched the back of his head “Look, sorry! I knew you wouldn’t come if I told you he was gonna be here.” He quickly apologized “And you kinda should’ve guessed it since he’s Hoseok’s best friend.” He murmured, noticing your piercing eyes “Look just take a few drinks, hang out with me and the guys and you’ll forget he’s even here in no time.” And before you could even say anything further, you were interrupted “Hey look, there’s Hosoek! Hey hosoek!”

Hoseok however, looked at you guys very confused by the way Jimin had greeted him. “Hey…guys?” He greeted back, noticing Jimin’s weird beheviour, Jimin’s eyes had been hinting to the unpleasant figure that was now making out with Jia on Hoseok’s couch. Hoseok quickly realised what Jimin meant and quickly started smiling too as he wrapped his arm around you. “Oh, hey y/n! How are you today?”

“Amazing, Hobi.” You said in a sarcastic tone.

A proud smile appeared on Jimin’s face, thinking he handled this rather well. “Let’s grab some drinks, shouldn’t we?”

Jimin’s request made Hoseok very excited. You couldn’t help but laugh as Jimin and Hoseok were both poking one side of your cheeks, hinting you to smile. As they were guiding you to the drinks, you just had to look over at that couch one more time. And that’s when you saw that Yoongi had his attention to you too.

Hoseok’s kitchen was filled with alcohol, from simple beers to hard liquor that were surrounded by empty and half drunken cups. Everything had gotten sticky from the amount of spillage of liquid on the floor and the table. “Let’s start calm.” Hoseok said, handing you a beer bottle where the label had already been worn off by the condensation.

You knew he and Jimin just wanted you to have a nice night, so you did as he asked and took your first sip. It wasn’t anything strong nor tasty, since you could taste the cheapness. “How lovingly disgusting” You said, perfectly describing the drink as you took another sip.

But even after a good hour of drinking and small talk, you couldn’t enjoy your night. Not because you didn’t want to, but you couldn’t help but think about that one certain person that was walking around here too. It made your heart beat like crazy. You could bump into him at any given moment., which almost felt exciting.

Your annoyance was well noticeable. Making Jimin second guess if it was a good idea to bring you here, knowing well enough from the start Yoongi was going to be here as well. Luckily for Jimin, that’s when Hoseok started to take action.

“Christ y/n, chill. Let’s take some shots, alright? Maybe that’ll stop you from looking around.” He let out with a heavy sigh. “Here.” Hoseok had poured you one, taking it in, in one take. It did help, to say the least. Your felt your body’s tenseness leave as the burning liquid travelled down your throat.

“And another one!” Jimin cheered. The creaking sound of the slide door caught his attention, making him turn around. “Oh, hey Jungkook.”

It was a rather out of breath Jungkook, making you believe he had ran all the way back, dreading the idea of walking over there when the party was over. “You already started drinking without me.” Jungkook whined.

Hoseok chuckled. “Yeah, but you could say y/n needed it.” He said, proudly patting your back.

“Shut up.” You said as you took another one. “What even took you so long?”

Jimin poured him and Jungkook a shot, chucking it down quickly. “It took me a while for a good spot. And when I arrived, Jia started to shower me with questions about why I hadn’t contact her the last few months.” Jungkook answered, taking another shot.

The mentioning of Jia’s name made Jimin and Hoseok look worrisome at each other, knowing her name would trigger your annoyance. You scoffed, taking in your third shot for the night. You looked briefly behind you, noticing a drunk figure was weirdly dancing his way over to you. Second glancing, you realised that the drunken figure happened to be Taehyung, making Jimin burst out in laughter as Jungkook started to dance along.

Taehyung wrapped his arm around you and Jungkook. “Didn’t know you guys would be here.” Jimin poured a shot and handed it to Taehyung. “Oh, don’t mind if I do.”

“Seem you already had some fun.” You smirked, noticing the hickey on the Taehyung’s neck.

His eyes widened as he placed his hand onto the love bite as if he could feel it. “Oh, uhm-haha, yeah.”

After a few shots, Jungkook looked inside, seeing the dancing people, wanting to do the same. “Come dance, y/n.”

“Ah, yes! Party party!” Taehyung beamed, heading back inside in the same weird way as he first had approached you, making you giggle.

You turned back to Jungkook who happened to be eagerly waiting for an answer. You smiled “Alright, alright.”

Jungkook’s smile had widened by your answer, grabbing your arm, dragging you along to inside. The combination of loud music and alcohol got you in the mood to dance, weirdly enough. And soon the others didn’t hear from neither you and Jungkook for a few hours.

After few other rounds of drinking and dancing with Jungkook, the two of you headed out again to get some fresh air. You were looking around for the others, and surprisingly enough, you saw a pair of familiar boys sitting at the edge of the pool. It was Taehyung and Jimin who’s legs were dangling in the water, laughing about whatever just got joked about. “Here you guys are.” You said, making them turn around. They noticed Jungkook’s arm was snaked around your waist, making them a bit uneasy. The knew you didn’t think much of it. But they knew why Jungkook was doing it. It was to show off you were his, even though you weren’t.

It took you a little tug to get Jungkook off of you. You placed yourself next to Taehyung, making Jungkook do the same. “Need some water?” Jimin asked, just in case you drank to much, but you happily shook your head.

“I’m good. Amazing, actually!” You said, hugging Jimin’s arm, making Jungkook’s mood change from pure happiness to being cautious. “I wanted to ask you guys if you wanted to join Hobi’s beer pong game?” But before you could even get an answer, the sudden yell of ‘canonball’ caught you off guard. And before you knew it, the four of you were drenched in pool water.

Jimin stood up out of reflex, shaking the water off of him. “Great.” He said in a sarcastic tone. He looked over to you, then back at himself, and then back at you. “Uh, y/n?” His eyes had widened out of concern.

“What?” You groaned as you were happy to discover your hair managed to stay dry. That white top might have been a bad idea, cause the once opaque material had turned translucent. And the eyes of Jimin had made it very clear that it all of a sudden was translucent. You looked down, letting out another groan. “Oh, I see.” It didn’t really didn’t bother you that you would feel uncomfortable about seeing your tits, but more about the fact that people would make a bigger deal out of it than it should be. “Alright, guess I’m searching for a blow dryer.” You said as you stood up “I’ll be right back.”

“Should I come too?” Jungkook asked. You knew he didn’t meant it in any wrong way, he was just concerned for other guys. You shook your head and headed back inside.

But you weren’t going to return as fast as you and the guys thought you would be.

Pushing your way through the different crowds of people, the most logical option of finding a bathroom was upstairs. So you took the stairs to the second floor, and now it was time to guess which door led to the bathroom. And unluckily for you, the first room didn’t. Cause when you opened up that door, the first thing you saw were to half naked girls making out inside of poor Hoseok’s room. A quickly apology and a swift motion of closing the door and you were back on your way. The second door was your best next option, letting out a small sigh of relief as you found yourself the bathroom.

Impatiently, you started rummaging through the cabinets in search for a hairdryer. You let out a little yes as you found the hairdryer hidden away in the back. You plugged it in and took your shirt off. But before you could even grab the blow dryer, the door swung open without a warning. “Oh for fucks sake-“ You cussed, hiding your exposed chest with your soaked shirt.

Of course. The person who coincidentally walked into you stripping had to be no other than Min fucking Yoongi. He was standing pleasantly surprised at the door frame, not expecting you would be undressed. “What were you doing?” He asked out of pure curiosity.

Your cheeks gained a light pinkish tint as you stared back at your past lover “You see a girl walk in the bathroom and the first instinct you have is to barge in, perv.” You said annoyed with a slight pout.

“No, but I didn’t think you would be doing what you’re doing now. And what else were you going to do? Take a bath at a party?” He asked with a raised brow.

You looked behind you, noticing the only thing with you in the room were a bath, walk in shower and the sink in front of you. “I wasn’t doing anything weird. I just wanted to dry off my shirt since some jackass thought it was appropriate to dunk himself in the pool in front of us.”

“Oh, I see.” The sudden shutting of the door caught you off guard.

“What are you doing?” With furrowed brows, you turned to look at Yoongi, noticing how annoyingly good he looked. His messy black, hair, plain white t-shirt with a chain hanging around his neck and blue ripped jeans. You mentally scoffed, knowing his hair is only like that because of Jia.

He smirked, which made you sick to your stomach because you couldn’t help but find it attractive “What's the hurry? I just wanna talk.” His back pressed against the shut door, keeping you hostage with him. The scent of alcohol and his cologne was filling the room.

“We have nothing to talk about” You sighed with crossed arms. “Could you leave now so I can dry myself off and go back to-”

“What? Jungkook?”

The rolling of your eyes showed off how pissed off you got by that comment. “I was going to say Taehyung and Jimin, but whatever.”

“Don’t lie to me. I saw you dancing with him. And why so shy? It’s not like I haven’t them before.” He said referring to your breast, leaning in closer to you.

With every step he walked towards you, you took one back. “Okay, alright, I think it’s time for you to leave, huh? Shouldn’t you go back to shoving your tongue inside of Jia?”

The sudden comment of Jia made his brow raise in surprise. “Sounds like someone’s upset.” He smirked, noticing your jealousy, which he was pleasantly surprised by. “Don’t worry, she’s busy alright. And talking with you seems a bit more interesting, doesn’t it?”

“I don’t think there’s anything to talk about here.”

“Oh, really?” On a positive note, Yoongi had removed himself from the door. Unfortunately for you, he had locked the door and moved himself in front of you. Leaning each hand at on side of your body as you were pressed against the edge of the sink. “I know a few topics to talk about.”

The scent of his cologne made your mind go wild and heart beat like crazy. It seemed he had just as much drinks as you had by the way his eyelids fell, and it was annoyingly hot. “And I don’t, so just leave me be and go back to one of your girls.” You said as you looked up to him, his chain dangling in front of your chest.

Yoongi laughed “It’s like I’m talking to the you from three years ago. Just as jealous, damn“ He moved even closer. “Luckily for you then, you already are one my girls.” He chuckled. His right hand had found another thing to play with, which was a strand of your hair, twirling it around his fingers.

His comment gave you a double feeling. “I’m not like them. ”

“You’re not?” Slightly tilting his head as he kept his eyes locked with yours, but your lack of reaction made him slightly annoyed. “You know what? You’re right. You’re not like them. At least they know how to have fun.”

You laughed before you let out a little ‘tsk’, not believing what he just had said. “Only fun you know how to have is whoring yourself out to every girl you meet.”

“Well, maybe, if you had some more experience, you wouldn’t suck that much at sucking dick.”

You scoffed at his comment. “As if you were so great back in the day at eating a girl out.” Was your only defence you had.

“Yeah, but at least I improved.” Leaning in closer “You can even ask your friend Jia” He smirked, making your blood boil knowing he found out how much her name annoyed you in this scenario.

“You fucking disgust me.” The thought of him and Jia doing it made you physically ill. You couldn’t even be mad at her for doing things with Yoongi, she didn’t know about your history with him. She didn’t know about all the restless nights you had crying, just because of the man standing right in front of you. “Yeah? You know what, sure. I’ll do that. Then you can go ask Jungkook all about me, okay?” The mentioning of Jungkook’s name seemed to have hit a sensitive spot. “I also wouldn’t be surprised if half of the girls had faked it with you.” You said in full annoyance as an attempt to make him just as mad as he was making you.

He let out a cocky laugh “Maybe I should show you if you’re so persistent in not believing me.”

Did…Did he really just say that?

You roll you eyes again “You really think I’m that easy?”

“That’s not a no.” He smirked

You scoffed “It’s also not a yes.”

“You sure? Your words might say one thing, but your body language says something else.”

“What would you know about my body language?”

“Oh please, I know you better than anyone else. You like playing these games, y/n. Pissing me off until I shut you up myself. You’re so bad at hiding your feelings. You should see you face when I mention Jia’s name.” You knew he said those things just to piss you off, so you were trying so hard not to let his comments get to you. “A shame, honestly. She really likes you”

“I like her too” You said back in defence.

“You just don’t like the idea of me fucking her, huh?”

“I don’t care”

“You’re a bad liar” You didn’t fully realise how dangerously close he had become. “But you can get the same treatment if you really want.”

“Oh really?” You scoffed.

That’s when you felt his hands on your hips, slowly caressing the sides “Don’t you miss the way how I touched you?” It felt as if all the words you could’ve said got swallowed. Your eyes didn’t seem to leave Yoongi’s gaze, making him smirk out of satisfaction. “My hands all over your body.” He leaned in closer, his lips almost touching yours “Grabbing your hair, forcing you to look at me.” But he didn’t lean in further for your lips, but rather for your ear. “You’re wet, aren’t you?” He whispered in your ear, his hot breath caressing your ear lobe.

“Y-You wish.” You said without any confidence, making you want to slap the hell out of yourself for making it so obvious you were turned on. You were so distracted by his lips being so close to you again that you didn’t realise his hard cock was grinding against your soaked panties.

“What if I do?” He bit his lip, giving your core another hard rub. “I would love to feel your soaking wet pussy around my dick again.”

Your mind wanted to tell him to back off and you just wanted to leave the situation or whatever that was happening here. But your body wanted something else. Which resulted in you staying quite, stuck on his eye contact and your mind fighting your logical desires and your actual desires. And you realised your little motivation speech you gave yourself last night to get over Yoongi was complete bullshit. “What’s that? I’m not hearing any resistance.” He smirked, leaning in even closer than before, lips almost touching. “I knew you still wanted me.” Yoongi grabbed onto the wet shirt that you were holding this entire time to hide your chest, revealing yourself too him.

“I hate you” Was all you could say as your cheeks were burning red. His lips inches away from yours, heart beating like a maniac, and your panties absolutely ruined.

“Of course you do” And with that, his lips were pressed against yours. A little moan left your lips as he pressed himself closer against you, making you grab his shirt to hold onto. His hand found himself on your chest, pulling down your bra to get a better grip on your left breast. He massaged it gently before he gave your hardened nipple a little pinch to hear another whine out of you, amusing him. He grabbed you by the thighs, placing you down on top of the sink, but still close against his body. You could feel his growing bulge against your cunt, turning you on even more. His hand started to wander under your tennis skirt, grinning against your lips, feeling you had proved him right all along. “So wet.” He whispered in your ear, rubbing his middle finger in between your clothed folds.

“Shut up-”

“Hmh?” his fingers finding your clit, massaging it oh so gently, just the way he knew you wanted it. Making little circle motions, slow but steady. You bit your lip, containing your moans as your hands were grabbing a fistful of his hair for stability. “It’s okay, no one will hear you.” He whispered into your ear. “For now.” His index and middle finger left your clit, making you let out a little whine out of dissatisfaction. “Don’t worry baby, I’ll give you more.” He grabbed onto the hem of your panties, dragging them down to reveal your sticky mess before he squatted down to get better access. Grabbing onto your thighs, spreading them slowly as he left a trail of kisses on the inside, raising your excitement. Without a warning, you felt him licking the folds of your glistening entrance, letting out a small gasp of satisfaction. His hands on your thighs, keeping them in place. You felt his tongue gliding against your sensitive nub, making you finally let out a little moan in combination with his name. Grabbing a chunk of his beautiful jet black hair as you felt a knot growing in your lower body. “Please, don’t stop.” You whined. The sight of his hair, musky scent, loose shirt and veiny hands only added to your desires. Which in hindsight, was just him. You couldn’t think straight anymore as Yoongi was doing his ungodly work. You could only think about him and how much you had longed for this happening again.

With curling toes, you grew hungrier for more “Harder, please-Yeah, just like-” But before you could even finish your sentence, another moan left your lips as Yoongi quickly adjusted himself to your needs. Your mind went black as the only thing you could focus on was your orgasm and how close you already were into one. For your ego’s sake, you were postponing it as long as you possibly could, not wanting to admit that Yoongi indeed did get better. But the added pressure of his tongue was what made you eventually give in. “I’m coming, Yoongi.”

A wave of ecstasy went through your whole body, turning your body into a sensitive mess. And you thought after a few seconds, you could finally get off of your high, but he wouldn’t let you. Legs shaking, but the moment you tried to pull away, you felt Yoongi’s hands grab you hips to keep them in place. “Shit-“ You cussed as you realised he wasn’t going to pull away. The overstimulation made your legs clench up and tremble, leaving you a moaning mess. When Yoongi said he was going to prove to you he improved, he really meant it. Your weak attempts of pushing him off of you didn’t work, which lead you to moan out his name and cuss a few more times. And after your overstimulation, your body was ready for another round. Yoongi couldn’t care less about how much your were tugging on his hair, telling him to slow down. He knew, if you really wanted it, you could use the safe word you guys had when you were still together. But when the cussing turned back into moaning for more, he knew how much you enjoyed his work. So when you felt your body tense up again, you knew you were going to hit another wave of ecstasy. Your body curled up as another orgasm erupted, holding on onto Yoongi’s hair.

Heavy panting and white knuckles was a sign for Yoongi to come back to your eye level, his face covered with satisfaction and, well, you. “Oh don’t worry, I’m not done yet.” Licking his lips, planting another kiss on your lips as you felt his hands finding your sensitive nub again. A moan slipped over your lips as small circular motions drove you to round three. His index and middle finger left your red clit and slid into your soaked core, his thumb now doing the work on your nub.

The look of disgust when you looked at him changed into pure submission, and he noticed. The way your eyes would soften as you reached in for another kiss, him pulling slightly away just to tease you. Which resulted in you letting out a small whine, indicating how desperately you wanted his lips against yours at all times, making him eventually give in. The room was filled with the sound of your lips smacking and his fingers pulsing in and out of you. You couldn’t help but moan against his lips as you felt yourself coming close to coming undone again. “Music to my ears.” He whispered in his husky voice. “Come for me, baby.” Another cuss left your lips as Yoongi’s last pulse was what made you come all over his hand. Your legs tensed up as your impulsively grabbed onto his wrist, hinting him to stop so you could fully enjoy your orgasm without the overstimulation. A worn-out puppet was what you had become, holding onto Yoongi’s shoulders for support. “Sorry, is this the behaviour of someone who faked it?” But you being out of breath gave him the lack of response “Hmh?” Yoongi’s index finger slid up from your folds to give your now very sensitive nub a hard flick to get a simple whine out of you.

“I’m not stroking your ego any further.” You panted as he slid his fingers out of you.

A cocky chuckle left his lips “Don’t worry. I’m already beyond satisfied.” He said, leaving little love bites all over your neck, marking you as his. Fingers finding the clasp of your bra, unclipping it in a swift motion. “I want to see your tits bounce as I fuck you.” He came back to look at you, and your half embarrassed and half pissed off expression made him chuckle again “Unless you don’t want my rock hard dick inside of you now.”

Part of you wanted too tell him to fuck off, just to piss him off to see where it would led you. But you were too sexually frustrated and impatient to even try that. Your lack of response made him lean in closer, tips of your nose touching. “Or I’ll leave you here like the horny mess you are and seek someone else to satisfy me.” Planting another kiss on your lips “Choice is yours, y/n.”

You hated him. You hated him so much in this moment. You hated how cocky he had become. You hated how turned on he made you. And worst of all, you hated how fucking hot he looked this entire night.

“Tomorrow, you’re dead to me.” You hissed, grabbing his shirt to pull him in as he grabbed one of your tits to play with, thumb caressing of your nipple.

You could feel him smirking against your lips the moment you reached for his belt to unbuckle, noticing how impatient you had gotten. Your slid your hand into his pair of briefs, giving his cock a few strokes before you pulled it out. He grabbed onto your wrist, stopping your former motion, as he pressed his body closer to yours, with the intention of his throbbing cock rubbing against your soaked folds. A little whine left your lips as he kept rocking his hips back and forth, turning you hungrier with the second. “It’s cute how minutes ago you were trying to convince yourself that you didn’t want me, but look at you know. Being a whiney little whore just for my cock. Little pathetic, don’t you think?”

“Just fuck me already.” You whined annoyed and impatiently.

A sadistic chuckle left his lips as he looked you dead in the eye. “Beg.”

You looked at him with pleading eyes, your self respect and ungodly desires being in fight with one another “Please, Yoongi.”

“You really think that’s going to do the trick?” He said as he pushed his tip just further enough to be at the entrance of your burning hole. “I want your true colours to show, y/n. I want you to beg like the cockslut you are.”

Sober you wouldn’t do what you were about to do next. “Can’t you see how wet I am for you, Yoongi? How bad I still want you after all those years? Or how desperate I am for your cock to fill me up with your thick cum. I’ll be so good to you. I’ll do everything that you want me to do. But I need you so bad right now. So please, just fuck me.” And your last sentence was what had send him over the edge. “I’m yours.”

“Good girl.” A sharp moan left your lips as Yoongi fully pushed himself inside of you, unbothered to start out slow and not giving you the time to fully adjust to him. He wanted to hear every possible moan that could leave your mouth with every pulse, entering him fully inside of you over and over again. He pressed his lips back onto yours, but his kisses had gotten more sloppy and rushed than before. His hands onto your hips while his were bucking back a forth in a steady pace, tugging onto his hair again as another pair of moans left your lips. “I forgot how fucking good you felt-” He groaned, making you think the same as he repeatedly hit your g-spot.

The increase of speed made your hands shift to his back, holding onto it for support, feeling how nicely he stretched you out. You couldn’t help but consistently moan against his ear, forgetting and not caring about all the people that could hear you outside this room. Nails digging further into his back with every thrust, moaning against his lips. With every pulse and every grunt coming from Yoongi, you came closer to coming undone as he just hit the right spot over and over again. holding you steady to keep up with his pace, not breaking eye contact. You could tell his eyes were filled with lust and frustration, boosting your ego. Cause the idea of Yoongi still wanting you after those three years made your happier than it should be.

You pressed your lips against his again, telling him in between you were getting close again. Sweat dripping from the tips of his hair “Coming without me, huh?” He groaned against your blood rushed lips as his thrusts were becoming more and more aggressive. And when Yoongi felt your walls clenching against his hungry member, it was his que to come undone as well.

Biting into his shoulder, his breathing indicating he’s almost at his max. “Fuck-“ He cussed under his breath as his pace suddenly slowed down, filling your entirely as his cum was filling your hole and coating your walls. Heavy breathing came after that, resting his head on your shoulder, bodies still connected. Yoongi looked up, eyes meeting again, but this time filled with admiration instead of hate or lust. A little sting in your heart made you remember how beautiful you found this man. Not just hot, but blood stacking beautiful. But that’s also the moment when the sad memories came back. The memories when you were his and he was yours. The memories when you were still madly in love with each other. Those were the ones you also hidden and stored away in your head.

But those memories quickly left again as Yoongi gave you another kiss. “You alright?” He panted, wanting to make sure you enjoyed everything as much as he did.

“Of course.” Was all you answered.

You were rethinking what just had happened as you desperately searched for your panties that Yoongi had randomly thrown somewhere, not even believing you just did what you did. You could only blame it on one thing, and that was being intoxicated. But not because of the alcohol, but intoxicated by the poison that was Min Yoongi.

Taglist; @flowerblu00, @brinda-9, @seokjinkismet, @sugainmybowl, @mxxxnshine, @arianalilyblack,

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staysuki · 2 years

Text

when a new guy moves to your country, your empathetic heart forced you to reach out and help him—even when he wants nothing to do with you. (ENGLISH TRANSLATIONS)

TAGALOG VERSION -> here

pairing: bang chan x y/n (ivy league au)

genre: crack, fluff, angst, college/uni kid au (they're in their 3rd-4th year)

warnings: A LOT A LOT OF extreme cussing and vulgarity, including some corny, distasteful jokes. edgy(?) humor. filo humor(?) extreme suggestiveness!! lot's of mentions of sex/hook-up culture but no smut. still, R-16/17.

a/n: the translated version of When In Manila! because of the smau's plot and concept, i understand that some jokes and references may get lost in translation or it'll be difficult to fully capture the vibes of the whole "new guy in a new country" feelz + how absolutely unhinged the chaos of the group actually is (which makes me sad). but that's the challenge i'm going for!!

chapters

twenty-one | twenty-two | twenty-three | twenty-four

cultural setting notes:

the story will still take place in the 🇵🇭PH, it's simply just the dialogue that'll change (and i'll try to make the references universally understandable). but because there might still be some filo culture references, this'll serve as a glossary for those!! (will be constantly updated). nonetheless, lmk if there's anything confusing still! (in any case, i'll add a glossary to every chapter as well!)

TRANSPORTATION - students having cars are uncommon here in the PH and is mostly seen as a sign of wealth. thus, "commute" is the go-to means of transportation (i.e. trains, buses, "jeeps", or taxis)

UNIVERSITY BELT / U-BELT - in the PH, we have an entire area where a LOT of universities are relatively next to each other (around 20-30 mins drive away). just imagine harvard, yale, and etc. being streets away from each other lolz.

UNIVERSITIES - most, if not all, universities/colleges in the PH require you to take an entrance examination before you could enroll. there are a lot of schools around the U-BELT but the most prominent ones that will be mentioned in the fic are:

ATENEO - probs the most "high-end" one with the expensive tuition and known for very rich (but also smart) students with an acceptance rate of 10-20%

LA SALLE - like ateneo, it's known for its expensive tuition and rich students but has an acceptance rate of 70+%. though the education quality is still good, there's a running joke that "la salle students only go there because they failed the entrance exam in ateneo/U.P."

ADAMSON - still expensive but not as much. kinda has their own world. despite being a catholic university, they're known for being an accepting and supportive school when it comes to their students (recently, they were the first big-name university to offer a "mental health break" so students can cope with the post-election stress)

U.P. - (short for "University of the Philippines"), known for "smart scholars" with a 10-15% acceptance rate which is our country's main university! it's cheaper than the first three and offers the most access to free-ride scholarships unlike the others. most UP students are scholars!!

to be updated...

(mm/dd/yy)

date started: 5/16/22

date finished:

taglist: open!

mastertag: @leagreenly @90s-belladonna @fuzzylard @loveliebri @chimmybaek7 @todorokiskitten @lilacdreams-00 @ethereallino @ninjaleeknow @trials--error @hey-i-really-miss-you @multifandomizer @aerastus @caratinylyfe @kdhvier @hibuki-chan @blaaiissee @skzoddinaries @suhnnyskiess @beaann

#when in manila #when in manila eng #wim skz #skz smau #skz #stray kids smau #stray kids #stray kids social media au #skz social media au

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splishsplashyouropinionistrash · 2 years

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AFTG Fic Recs

After receiving several recommendations for AFTG fics, I decided to compile a list of my own favorites so far. All of these are on AO3.

1. it would have been you by thereisnothis ~

Jerejean oneshot

TW: major character death, suicide

“Jeremy should have known. He should have fucking known. All the signs were there. How could he have been so blind?”

Short and painful fic where Jean never recovers from the Raven’s Nest and Jeremy is left to pick up the pieces. I sobbed violently.

2. Scribbles and Sticky Notes by Fortheloveofexy

Andriel oneshot

TW: major character death

“It started soon after Andrew’s official retirement from Exy.”

A painful hurt/comfort fic after Neil is injured and forced to retire. Another one that made me sob uncontrollably.

3. Teach Me How To Heal by foundinthedark

Jerejean, 1/7 parts published, last updated 7-28-22

TW: panic attacks, mental illness, and all the fun stuff that comes with Jean

“After Jean Moreau struggles at practice, his therapist suggests he starts a seven-day self-esteem journal to get him back on track. “

Jean learning to be happy after coming out of the Nest (with Jeremy’s help). It melts my heart-

4. assorted cannon/post-cannon compliant aftg brainrot by mostly_maudlin

a series of oneshots about the Foxes, check out the TW for individual stories

5. In Which Neil Josten is a PR Nightmare by CoverYourEyes

Andriel, 16/? parts published, last updated 7-27-22

TW: None, surprisingly

“the one where Neil does what he wants, picks fights with reporters, discovers Twitter, breaks the internet, and really shouldn't be allowed out of his house. Andrew does nothing to discourage him.”

Post-cannon from an OC’s perspective (his publicist). Kept me up cackling at ungodly hours of the night.

6. never fallen (from quite this high) by crystalcrow

Andriel, 43/43 parts published

TW: All the fun cannon-typical warnings

“For most people, a problem is a matter or situation regarded as unwelcome or harmful that needs to be dealt with or overcome. For Andrew Minyard, it’s the word that fits Neil Josten with a capital P.”

It’s the series from Andrew’s POV, what else do I need to say? A must-read for AFTG fans.

7. Hoax by gus_47

Jerejean, 26/? parts published, last updated 8-01-22

TW: recreational drug use, all the fun stuff that comes with Jean (he deserves a break, oh my god)

“ Jean's first year with the Trojans / a recollection of his last year with the Ravens”

It’s a Jerejean after the Ravens fic, fairly self-explanatory (and fairly heartbreaking so far)

8. goodbye, family by queenDay05

Background Andriel oneshot

TW: mentions of death

“the day before his countdown ends, Neil films a video. it's an apology, a goodbye. for the foxes.”

Neil knows he’s dying, so he leaves a goodbye for the foxes. Utterly heartbreaking.

9. don’t say goodbye by queenDay05

Background Andriel oneshot

TW: mentions of death

“the foxes reaction's to Neil's goodbye video“

Sequel to goodbye, family after the riot when the Foxes realize Neil’s missing and find the video he left them. Somehow more heartbreaking than the first.

10. Innominate by Major_816

Andriel, Jerejean, Ichirou x OC, 17/74 parts published, last updated 7-24-22

TW: mental illness, mafia shit, and general aftg warnings

“An AU where Mary never got Nathaniel out. Instead, he became too invaluable of an asset to be killed off or 'gifted' to Tetsuji. Instead, he's raised with Ichirou and Jean as a part of Ichirou's inner circle. He'd always had a knack for languages and lying and all the 'messy stuff' came easily enough when your father is called the Butcher of Baltimore. So Nathaniel became the Wraith. He was untraceable, unknowable, infalliable; a criminal fairytale. When Kevin Day leaves the Nest, there's no better person to send.”

Neil is in the mafia (and he’s a total badass). Big found-family vibes, a good mix of fluff and angst. One of the best fics I’ve ever read, I am begging you to go read it.

11. Let’s make things interesting by Nico4undead

Andriel, background Jerejean, 16/? parts published, last updated 6-24-22 (might not be abandoned, author is slow to update)

TW: Nothing, I think (shocking, I know)

“Andreil, after they both join a pro Exy team. Neil suggests they make things a little more interesting and don't necessarily tell anyone about their relationship, just act as they usually would. Cue the Minyard/Josten rivalry and basically just Andrew and Neil being little shits and thoroughly enjoying making everyone think they can't stand each other.”

Andriel after Palmetto. You will laugh, you will cry, and you will laugh some more. It’s hilarious and fluffy and heartwarming (while staying cannon-compliant).

Well, there you go! A list of every AFTG fic I read and enjoyed since figuring out how to use AO3 five days ago (do I have a problem? maybe).

Hugs and kisses, my loves. Go read about our gays <3

#all for the game #aftg #the foxhole court #tfc #aftg fic #aftg fic recs #fic rec #andreil #jerejean #splishsplash originals #splishsplash recs

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theboysfanfic · 3 years

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Red Roses | PART 5

Red Roses AU

Pairing: Homelander x F!Reader

18 + only. This story will contain smut/sex so you have to be over 18 to read it.

Warnings: 18 + only. Fluff and angst.

Words: 1,888

Summary: With Homelander now calling you his girlfriend officially, it's the first part of a sleepover at his.

Credits: Gifs from X by @nathindrakes. Ingenue dress - X. Dividers by @firefly-graphics: Homelander X , Roses X ,

SpookTober2021 Masterlist | Main Masterlist

John glides an un-gloved hand over your waist, onto your back, resting it on your opposite hip. He tugs at the fabric of your skirt just gently, toying with the texture. His fingers brushing into your skin through the satin, you feel him feeling your curves.

Just gently.

John’s hair is flipped back, beautiful blonde locks smooth and perfectly groomed. Bouncing with his movements but not falling out of place. He turns his face into you.

Just whispering. Whisper to me John.

‘Come to my apartment after work.’

Rolling his shoulders back he straightens up, tells you in a normal volume. 'It will be our first date as a couple. Officially.’

You lean into him. It encourages him to stroke your hip with his hand.

‘You can stay overnight.’

‘John, I thought we were looking forward to the storm, and I would like to, but..’

He is content and watches you calmly.

‘Stay!’ he drags a syllable, calm but chirpy, ‘You can have, my bed, I’ll sleep in another room. And you won’t have to travel as far for work tomorrow morning.’ He has a glint in his eye, a playful look that can be seen as proud and self satisfied.

You look at him trying to decide your fate for you.

‘Come! Stay with me. Please.’

At that you’ve made up your mind.

‘Ok, but your bed? I don’t want you to sleep uncomfortably if you have a big day tomorrow John.’

‘Il'l be ok. But we can work out what to do about me being comfortable, if you're worried about it.’ He winks at you.

Lunch is over and you lean up to his face, planting a kiss on his cheek.

‘Can't promise anything,' you laugh, 'but, John where are we meeting later?’

‘Don’t worry I’ll be here,' he strokes your hair, 'I’ll come meet you on your floor. I can take you home, we can fly.'

He looks at you carefully seeing if you approve of his offer. 'If you need your things, then we come back here. Is that ok?’

'I really appreciate it, but I'd need some more time to get ready, would it be ok if you pick me up from mine instead?'

He does his defensive giant smile, you notice, knowing what it means.

Putting a hand on his arm, 'Hey, I'm here. I'm with you. A girl just needs her pampering time, especially for an important date with her new boyfriend. What's more important than that huh?' you comfort him, 'Please pick me up later will you?'

'Of course I will. Tell me when you're ready and I'll be there.'

He has a glow to him, perfect soft hair, a wink as he leaves. His smile lingering on his lips as you watch him go.

'See you later.'

You think about what to pack to stay the night. The promise of your night flying out into the storm is in the near future, and it’s mutually agreed on that something will happen between you two. But you can’t be certain that it won't with him tonight. So just in case of emergency you pack condoms.

What else?

You throw in Pure Poison. You spritz it on your black lingerie, French knickers and sheer unpadded lace balconette set. Taking a cream gold pyjama twin set in satin with flowing trousers, you need to figure out what to wear tonight.

You've blow dried and styled your hair in bombshell waves, bouncy and shiny. Subtle and natural makeup, nothing colourful.

Rummaging through your drawers you see a lolly vibe.

Oh this is quite discreet, and could be fun.

Chances are nothing is happening, not if you stick to your plan. It's too soon and you can't be intimate with him just yet.

But I really want him. I'm taking this! He won't notice will he? If I'm in his room I can secretly take this with me and he shouldn't know.

You wear my Ingenue dress in red, put on your trench coat, and gather your things ready to grab for when he arrives. As you're drinking your calming lavender tea, you hear a light tap on the door. Excited that he's here you jump up to get to the door. But you have butterflies in my stomach too.

When you reach the door you wait, adjusting your dress, pulling it down for perfect fit. You open the door.

'Hi.' He says quietly holding out one palm face up to you waiting for you to take his hand. You do and pull him into the apartment.

'You look beautiful, wow,' his hands leave yours and clasp behind his back as he turns on the spot taking you in, 'Really, wow!'

'Thank you. You look great yourself.'

He proudly keeps his chin up and smiles softly.

'I missed seeing you swanning about at work, all magnificent.'

He smiles wider showing his teeth.

'Oh..' he puts a finger under my chin and drags me a bit closer to him, 'You are mine now and I want you to be able to see me at all times.'

'Oh really, and how do you want me to see you?'

He puts on a devious smile, locks his hand around the lower half of your face, still gently, turns your face away from him to talk in your ear. 'Oh lots of ways, eventually.'

You lift back the edge of his suit's collar, prying it away from his body.

He lets go of your face and you look up at him. He knows what you mean. Knows you want him out of that suit but neither of you say a word to each other. He wraps his arm around you waist and guides you out of your apartment.

He's got your bag and he's got you. He clutches you to his chest, your trench protects you from some of the cold and his warmth makes up for the rest of the chilled air as you fly. You rest into his neck, you just want to be hugged like this forever. You can't wait to be at his apartment, in the warmth with him.

You know he's holding you tight and will never let go and you want to place kisses on his neck but you are a bit worried about moving around too much.

'John you're so warm,' you say into his ear, 'I want more of this. Can we do this when we get in?'

You do place a kiss on his neck, you can't help it.

There's a soft growl from him and he clutches you tighter. 'We can do whatever you want.'

Landing in front of Vought tower, he doesn't let go of you, never lets his hands leave your body, but wraps his arm around you, standing close, asking if you're ok. He strokes your hair out of the way after it was whipped by the breeze. His suited leg pressed against yours.

'Yeah I'm good. I just wanna snuggle with you.'

He smiles like he's never heard anyone say that before, his eyes so bright and happy.

Inside John's apartment, he leads you up a few steps of the vestibule by the small of your back, you always welcome and crave his gentle and not so gentle guiding touches. He takes your bag from the cross body position he wore it, to fly you both, momentarily pauses before handing it back to you.

He glances down at your bag then at you. His lips parted, eyeing you up.

'You ok?' you ask.

'What's in your bag?'

'Huh? Just my overnight stuff.'

'What, you need that for overnight?' He points towards your bag circling his finger in the air. He's glancing sideways at you, then whistles. He gestures, palm up, fingers beckoning.

'Come on, hand it over.'

'What do you mean John?'

'The sweetie.' He leans in, grins then loud whispers. Enjoying the confusion on your face, or the embarrassment.

You reach into your bag for the squishy lolly. Battery operated green jelly on a lollipop stick You reluctantly show it to him. He takes it out of your hand.

'Now, why would you need this?' He says, squeezing it, testing the bounciness. There's a mocking in his tone his last two words slowly pronounced.

'Maybe I'll be in your room with this and there will be more fun in it for you at some point? Since we're not....' You look at him and wait.

'I have it in case you are a danger to me John.' you tease.

'Alright, here.' he hands it back, 'I'll let you keep it.'

He winks and walks past to show you the powder room. He invites you to help yourself to whatever you need and to find his room if you want to set your things down, then goes to another part of the apartment.

'I'll be with you in a few minutes.'

You freshen up in the large bathroom. it has beauty lighting mirrors and you feel better having checked your hair for knots. It looks nice a bit messy and full.

When you go to find his room, you see a door that's slightly open on the way.

Catching him standing in another bathroom doing his hair in profile, door ajar, his suit is what makes you double take and stop to watch.

The top of his suit is peeled down, his belt off and one side of his suit pants is pulled lower. The dips in his hips s are showing and you can't help but imagine what he looks like below that as you watch him from outside the room.

You walk into the bathroom, catch his eye and draw closer carefully.

'Hi.' You whisper. Warm yellow light is hitting the planes of his torso. You move up closing the gap between you and him. He puts the comb he was using down with a click onto the marble counter top.

His lip shudders. His eyes are downcast, intently on your lips. Hand rises and his thumb strokes your cheek.

He is naked from the waist up so your palms are on the front of his shoulders. Pressed against warm smooth skin. Hairless chest. His chin is tucking down as he watches your hands move over his chest gently. He looks you in the eye then at your hands. Then back at your eyes.

The muscles under his eyes twitch telling you he's unsure of how to ask you. Whether he should ask you. You raise your eyes slowly to his eyes. You hold his look. You feel hot.

You lean up to his face very close, continue looking him in the eye, you lean your mouth up to his. You brush your lips over his, merely brushing across them and he closes his eyes.

You keep your hands flat against his chest, the moment so tempting and intimate. You only want to make it more intimate but can't let yourself just yet.

You hug him, leaning your face against his bare chest.

'I want to listen to your heartbeat, John. I want your warmth on me again.'

He catches the both of you in the mirror in front of him, never knowing he would see himself standing in an embrace with a girl that cares for him.

#homelander x reader #homelander fanfic #the boys fanfic #antony starr fanfic #homelander fanfiction #red roses #red roses AU

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eternally-writing · 3 years

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chain reaction 02 | jjk

genre: fluff and angst

rating: PG

pairing: Jungkook x reader

theme: college!au , enemies to lovers, series

word count: 4.6k

warnings: light swearing

synopsis: A semester with your mortal enemy, Jeon Jungkook, as your lab partner was bound to be an experience to remember.

banner by me!

read part 1 here!

If you want to be tagged in future parts, send me an ask!

--♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡--

When you had imagined what Jeon Jungkook’s apartment would look like, you had definitely thought it would look something like an evil lair (except messy, because Jungkook definitely struck you as the messy type).

However, upon stepping into his surprisingly well-finished apartment, you found the exact opposite case. Before this, you had planned to make a ton of jokes based on whatever you would find in Jungkook’s apartment. And the truth was, you still could.

Jeon Jungkook was an absolute neat freak. You watched the way he subtly shuddered as a fleck of dirt from your shoes travelled off of his doormat and you took note of how his kitchen counter was so clean you could probably eat directly off of it (which was especially rare from someone in college). If he had a roommate, there was no trace of him right now, as the apartment pretty much looked like a showhome.

“I didn’t know you were such a clean freak, Jeon,” you said with a smirk.

For the first time, you saw Jeon Jungkook look the slightest bit timid.

“I like to keep things tidy, I guess,” he said while rubbing the back of his neck with his right hand.

He gestured for you to enter his quaint but somehow spacious living room as he sped to the kitchen to grab you a glass of water (he may not like you, but he’d be damned by his mother if she found out he let a guest into his place without giving them a beverage).

You had a very clear game plan when it came to entering Jeon Jungkook’s apartment: Enter. Talk about the project (and nothing else). Grab the chemistry notes from the class you missed on Monday. Leave.

It definitely seemed like an easy peasy 4 step plan - except that all seemed to flow out the window once you saw the photo Jungkook kept on his coffee table. From what you could decipher, it looked like a high school aged Jungkook in a music studio, right in front of the mic, with some of his friends around him. You had never seen Jungkook smile as big as he was in that picture, and it even managed to pull at your heartstrings.

Before you could open your mouth to ask about it, Jungkook had already come over to you and slammed the picture to be face down on the table, leaving smiley high school Jungkook out of sight.

“An invitation into my apartment isn’t an invitation into my private life, Y/N. Don’t get it twisted.” he said coldly, dropping the glass of water hashly onto a coaster by the picture frame.

To be fair, you kind of deserved that (and looking into Jungkook’s personal life definitely wasn’t part of your 4 step plan to seeing him today), but he didn’t have to be that mean. As a peace offering you moved as far away from the photo frame as you could.

“Let’s just get this over with, Jeon. I have a pilates class in an hour on the other side of campus.”

Now Jungkook couldn't pass up that opportunity to make a joke.

“Pilates, mmm.” He let out an overexaggerated moan to make his point.

“ Think you can slip my number to the hot girls there Y/N,” said Jungkook with a smirk.

“In your dreams Jeon. You’re lucky if any girls will still want your number if you fail organic chemistry, which is what you’re going to do if we don’t work on this project.”

“I think you’re forgetting Y/N.” he said as he bent down, bringing his lips to your ear - “if I go down I’m taking you with me sunshine”.

Ignoring how his close proximity to you was making your heart race (it was probably due to anger, right??), you jumped away from him and pulled out your macbook.

“Our group contract is due tomorrow so let’s just finish that up and then I’ll be out of your hair okay?” you said with an air of desperation and potentially sexual frustration.

For the most part, you and Jungkook worked in silence besides the occasional sound of you typing or clearing your throat. Looking at the live google doc in front of you and the progress you both were making, you were starting to think that working with Jungkook might not be the worst thing in the world.

Jeon Jungkook and Y/N L/N : CHEM 251 LAB PRESENTATION CONTRACT

Topic - Green Chemistry

1. Answer all communication from your partner (emails, messages) within 24 hours

2. Complete all portions of assignments at least 1 day before it is due.

3. Any changes to your availability should be communicated to your partner.

4. Y/N will handle the background literature and introduction of the presentation.

5. Jungkook will look for future applications of Green Chemistry and direct applications of course material in the field of Green Chemistry.

6. Don’t fall in love with your partner.

As soon as you saw Jungkook type the last point on the document, you glared at him beside you on the couch.

“Seriously Jeon? I forgot you have the mindset of a 13 year old boy,” you muttered as he looked at you cockily.

You took a deep breath as your internal monologue started to run:

Okay, Y/N. you’re not here to let Jeon Jungkook mess with you. 3 strikes and you’re out of here - there’s no reason to need to keep up with his bullshit (especially since at least the first part of your project was over).

Jungkook had then had to add more rules to your group contract.

7. Y/N will give out Jungkook’s number to any hot girl at her pilates class.

You groaned and hastily deleted off the document.

That was strike 1 for Jungkook. 3 strikes and he’s out.

Jungkook was still relentless in his attacks.

“Seriously though Y/N, do you really not think I’m attractive at all? You really don’t want a piece of this?,” he said as he wiggled his eyebrows and gestured to his body all too suggestively.

“Cut it out Jeon, I’m not dealing with your shit today,” you hissed, your eyes shooting metaphorical lasers into Jungkook.

Strike 2: He’s getting close.

“C’mon Y/N, what’s the chance that you’ll ever be able to bag someone as hot as me. I mean, look at me and look at you!”

Strike 3: you were DONE with Jeon Jungkook today.

Not even stopping to put on your shoes fully, you took one last glance back at him before you walked out the door.

“Fuck you, Jeon Jungkook.”

The glass of water he got you sat untouched on his coffee table, drops of water spilling onto the photo frame beside it due to his apartment shaking from you slamming his door.

Mirroring the new droplets on his coffee table, you found tears starting to drop across your face as well.

--♡--

Even though you loved your chemistry lecture, you’re not sure why chemistry labs had such a bad vibe to you. The most obvious explanation for this would be having Jeon Jungkook as a lab partner (especially after your last meeting, the situation speaks for itself). But what could be is probably at least part of the reason is because of what happened in your first year 8AM chem lab. After getting through a grueling 3 hour titration (that you messed up and got no results for in the end), you walked back to your dorm to find your (now ex) boyfriend Jimin in bed with your roommate, Soomi.

Needless to stay you left that day with one less friend, no boyfriend (and you had also gotten 16/30 on that lab… yikes), so chemistry labs did leave a little bit of a bad taste in your mouth.

It had been months since that incident, but even after getting a new lease and cutting any ties you remotely had to Jimin, you still carried the insecurity that Jimin instilled in you by cheating on you with someone who you thought of as a sister.

You had yet to run into Jimin against post-breakup, and had managed to successfully avoid him, until now.

“Y/N?”

You knew that voice all too well. Turning around, you were met with the sight of your ex, Jimin. As if that wasn’t bad enough, as you looked him over you noticed your old roommate, Soomi, hanging off of his arm. You had no clue that they were still together (you had lost all contact with anyone remotely related to Jimin), and somehow seeing them together hurt you even more.

Jimin looked even prettier than you had last remembered him; his prince-like hair shone in the afternoon sun, his charming smile seemed even brighter. Knowing Jimin was still with Soomi made you feel that he didn’t even feel a pang of regret for cheating on you, like he didn’t need to take some time by himself to reflect (like you definitely did) or stop to grieve your relationship. From your point of view, it seemed like you never even mattered to Jimin.

You suddenly felt self conscious of everything under the judgmental gazes of Jimin and Soomi. Those baby hairs that you didn’t bother to pin down with a bobby pin this morning now felt like they were sticking straight out of your head and the pimple that was poking through your concealer on your forehead suddenly felt like a volcano. In your mind, compared to Soomi, you looked like a hot mess.

Your brain was on autopilot for all the small-talk you made with the two of them, and you didn’t snap out of your trance until you heard these words from Jimin.

“I only wish the best for you Y/N”

You internally scoffed at this statement. Who the fuck was Park Jimin to say that he “wishes the best for you”. You took months to get over him and the hurtful words he said to you. Every mean comment and snarky comparisons he made to you felt like it was tattooed onto your skin and stuck with you forever. But now he was standing in front of you like nothing was wrong?

In a different world, you probably would’ve slapped Jimin across the face. But instead you rose above like your mom taught you to.

“You as well Jimin.” you said courtly with a nod, trying to stop the tears that were pricking at your eyes from escaping your tear ducts.

After receiving a small nod from Jimin as a response, you turned around as if you had somewhere to be (in reality, you didn’t have class for another 2 hours).

Getting as far away from Jimin was all you could think about at the moment, and you moved as far as your legs could take you in whatever direction you thought would take you out of your college’s quad, even as the tears falling from your eyes blurred your vision.

You didn’t know how to feel. You had imagined what seeing Jimin for the first time after the break up would look like; maybe he would grovel at his knees and beg to have you back (it’s not that you wanted to date him again or that you had feelings for him, but it would feel nice to feel wanted), maybe you would just throw a drink in his face and walk away like a bad bitch, maybe you could’ve flashed a new boyfriend in front of his face.

All of a sudden your phone started to ring. Your first fear (and somewhat hope) was that it would be Jimin calling you, but little did you know that it was something so much worse.

Incoming Call: Jeon Boy

“as if this day couldn’t get any worse,” you thought to yourself as you pressed decline. You had yet to talk to Jungkook since that day at his apartment (you didn’t even call to congratulate him on his

Incoming Call: Jeon Boy

You groaned and hit the decline but at the speed of lightning again.

Incoming Call: Jeon Boy

Seriously, could this guy not take a hint? You were tempted to turn your phone off all together, but settled for hitting the decline button again.

Incoming Call: Jeon Boy

You realized that for whatever reason, Jungkook was not giving up, so you either had to answer him or listen to your ringtone of “Love Killa” by Monday X play every 10 seconds. Praying that your voice wouldn’t betray you, you took a deep (albeit shaky) breath and tried your best to wipe your tears before clicking “answer”.

“Look Jeon, I’m - uh - sorry but I really can’t do this right now okay? I’ll call you later.” you choked out, your voice obviously wavering as you tried to be as professional as possible.

Before you could press the “end call button” you heard Jungkook’s concerned voice through the speakers.

“Y/N, wait, you don’t sound too good. Are you okay?”

Ah yes, “are you okay” - probably the most loaded question a person could ever ask.

You probably could’ve kept it together if he had asked any other question, but his “are you ok” truly pulled at your heartstrings.

You felt your chest tightening but you tried your best to help the feeling subside. You had yet to show weakness about how Jimin had affected you to anyone, and you sure as hell weren’t going to start with Jeon Jungkook. Clutching at your chest and taking a few deep breaths in an effort to calm your racing heart, you continued on.

“Is that genuine concern I’m hearing from you Jeon? Be careful, you’re losing your bad boy persona,” you said as you tried to make a joke to distract him.

“Y/N, no. I’m serious. are. you. okay.”

You couldn’t handle it anymore. Sobs broke free from your chest and you heaved into the phone, your whimpers and whines striking Jungkook on the other side of the phone.

“I, I can’t- I just-“

The words barely broke through your sobs. Your chest was tightening and you could barely hear Jungkook through the ringing in your ears.

“Y/N where are you, I’m coming’” said Jungkook. You could hear the jingling of his car keys and the rustling of him putting on shoes.

As if mother nature felt your pain, the rain started pouring down on you at the same time.

You barely got out any more words to Jungkook, but he didn’t hang up on you. He just kept whispering comforting phrases, trying to calm you down from afar as you could hear his car engine roaring in the background (in another world, you definitely would’ve yelled at him for using his phone while driving). You barely even registered that Jungkook was there at all. Every memory of you and Jimin seemed to reopen like a fresh wound, and you couldn’t feel anything except the pain. All you could do was sit on a random curb by the edge of campus, your wails probably reaching the sorority houses nearby.

You felt broken. The sound of the thunder overhead mixed with your cries as the rain pelted you, soaking your thin sweatshirt. You don’t know how much time passed there. In your head, it felt like time was frozen, while for Jungkook it felt like he was wasting hours zooming through campus (he truly was zooming - a month later he found out that he had accumulated 3 speeding tickets trying to find you, but he would never tell you that).

“Oh, sunshine,” he murmured, voice laced with pity and concern as he pulled over his car on the curb in front of you.

You and Jungkook hadn’t even said a word to each other since the feud at his apartment, and you had absolutely zero clue how he even managed to figure out where you were through your jumbled phone call. But all you knew is that right now you needed him. You needed someone to give you a bit of comfort, and Jungkook was somehow here to do that for you. Despite everything between you twom you couldn’t hide the feeling of relief that ran through your body as you looked up and saw Jungkook in front of you.

Coming to your side, Jungkook crouched beside you.

“Jungkook”, you wept as he pulled you into his chest. It was probably one of the first times you had actually addressed him by his first name, which came as a surprise to him.

Holding you closer, Jungkook couldn’t help but feel protective over you. He couldn’t help but hurt with you as he saw your fragile figure shaking in his arms.

“You’re gonna be okay now Y/N, okay? I’m here. I’m here for you. I’m not going anywhere.”

And in that moment, on a dirty curbside off campus, you weren’t Jeon boy and little miss sunshine, mortal enemies and chemistry lab partners. Instead, you were just Jeon Jungkook and Y/N., and nothing else seemed to matter at the moment.

--♡--

To your surprise (and the surprise of anyone else who knows you), you and Jungkook had not been stepping on each other’s toes as much. What had started out as extreme, extreme dislike had turned into a mild dislike (maybe even a very slight enjoyment of his presence, although you weren't about to admit that anytime soon). And of course, you both refuse to acknowledge the “Jimin incident” that had occurred a week ago and you both refuse to believe that it may have had something to do with you and Jungkook not hating each other. Your emails stopped being signed off with “do your part Jeon, or else” and instead now usually started with “Hey Jeon!” and “Thanks, Y/N”

That brought you here, in your apartment on a Friday night, eating old pizza in an old sweatshirt, no bra, and some comfy shorts that had definitely been through the wash one too many times. Researching for your chemistry project, you chuckled at how much of a londer you would look to an outsider. Sending off the articles you found on Green Chemistry to Jungkook, you closed out the email with some casual pleasantries and then turned to continue rewatching episodes of your favourite kdrama. You definitely weren’t expecting a response from Jungkook until Monday. You were sure that someone like him was at a frat party (was he even in a frat? You had no idea). Either way, Jungkook probably was lounging around in some party house with like 6 girls on his arms, while you were doing quite the opposite.

Surprisingly, Jungkook was actually doing quite a similar thing to you. Instead of watching kdramas, he was watching Iron Man (for what was probably the 50th time), and was huddled under a makeship blanket fort like a child and scrolling through reddit. Don’t be mistaken though, Jeon Jungkook was definitely a partier, but he also knew when he needed to give his head (and liver) a break.

He saw his phone chime with a gmail notification. He took a brief scroll through the articles you had sent over to him (those were definitely work for another day since there was no way he could digest academic jargon without at least 3 cups of coffee in him), but he was pleasantly surprised with what you had come up with.

At the same time, the Facebook tab he had open on his Macbook also lit up.

It’s Y/N L/N’s birthday today! Leave a message on her wall to celebrate!

Jungkook’s jaw dropped.

It was your birthday and you were sending him chemistry research papers?? Jungkook chuckled because he could already think of 1000 bad jokes to make fun of you, but he also felt some other feeling that he couldn’t quite place.

Jungkook’s mother had always taught him that it was important to celebrate birthdays, and that is was bad luck that it was He wasn’t sure if it was just a farce that his mother had come up with to make sure that he still attended those family-wide facetime birthday celebrations once he went to college, but either way, he still believed it to some extent.

He had no clue why he was doing this, or how he even got here, but somehow Jungkook found himself in sweatpants and a hoodie in front of your apartment door at 10pm on a Friday night, cake in tow in one hand, his other hand out ready to knock on your door.

On the other side of the door, you were equally astonished. It almost felt like you were seeing a hallucination, as if your email to Jungkook had somehow summoned him to your door. You couldn’t help but rub your eyes in disbelief, just to make sure he was actually there.

“Jungkook?”

Bashful Jungkook seemed to make an appearance again as he tapped his feet in anxiety. And before he could stop himself, words were already tumbling from his mouth”

“Happy birthday?” he said as a question , posing it as if he didn’t know whether facebook was just playing a prank on him (which he honestly didn’t know). “Can I come in?”

You didn’t even really know how to process this situation, but all you could mutter was a “uh, thank you?” in a similar inquirable tone and gesture for him to step into your apartment. If Jeon Jungkook showed up at your door at 10pm on a Friday night, he probably deserved to be heard out.

“You can make yourself comfortable on the couch. Sorry, I wasn’t expecting company otherwise I would have cleaned up a bit.” You were sure that Jungkook’s neat freak brain was probably frying itself into overdrive based on the empty now-empty pizza box sitting on your coffee table and stray utensils and crumbs on your kitchen counter. You felt a little embarrassed that he had to see this.

Mirroring Jungkook’s hospitality last time you were at his place, you brought him a glass of water and hoped that this evening would go a LOT better than the last time you and Jungkook were alone together in an apartment.

Jungkook’s cake was still held in his hands. It was a little cake from the 24/7 cafe on campus; he could only find one that said “happy” with little sunflowers and smiles, so hopefully the “birthday” part of it was implied.

“I, um, I brought cake - for you. I mean your birthday.”

You sat down across from him.

“Oh you didn’t have to Jungkook, uh that’s really nice but you didn’t have to do that,” you said as you leaned further away from the cake, as if it was an item that scared you. “I’m not big on birthdays anyways, just usually me chilling in my apartment!”

However, Jungkook was not planning on taking no as an answer. He tried his best to plead with you, but was still getting nowhere.

“you… you have to do it for my mom!” he said as he thrust the cake even closer to your face.

You tilted your head in confusion at his statement.

“I mean uh-, my mom says that it’s bad luck if you don’t blow out candles on cake on your birthday and that if you don’t do it then you won’t live to your next birthday. And um- i know we’re not friends Y/N but I’d rather see you alive next year”.

Jungkook tried to look as nonchalant and cool as possible, and when he realized his statement was a little too thoughtful he followed it up with a “i mean you could do whatever you want i don’t care it doesn’t matter to me”.

You were beginning to like this side of Jungkook, the one that was more thoughtful than he was a selfish, inconsiderate dude.

Taking the cake softly from his hands, you muttered a soft “thank you”. At this point Jungkook didn’t know whether you took it from his hands to throw it on the ground or actually use it for its intended purpose. As you leaned over to grab the lighter by your candles on your coffee table, Jungkook let out a breath of relief.

Throwing open the cake box, you lit the candle in the cake and stared patiently in front of it.

“Well Jungkook, I believe if I am going to be blowing out candles there should be singing too, no?” You joked with a silly smile on your face.

Knowing he had no way out of this (and to be honest, he secretly wanted to anyways), he began to sing.

You had never heard a more beautiful rendition of happy birthday in your life. Jungkook turned the most mundane song, one that you didn’t have many happy memories with, into a tune that made your heart start to swell with joy. You wished the song was longer, because as he stopped to sing you wanted nothing more than for him to keep going.

“Make a wish, Y/N” , he whispered.

You didn’t know what to wish for. There were a lot of things that needed to be fixed in the world, and lots of things that you needed too (like a new toothbrush, or the experience of true love). It seemed fitting that since you were only blowing out these candles because of Jungkook, you should at least dedicate the wish to him. So all you wished for was for you and Jungkook to get along just like you were in this moment.

You looked up at Jungkook from the cake, and from there all you could say was a sincere “thank you”.

The moment was all too sincere, and you and Jungkook could feel the atmosphere shift to one that was all too intimate and friendly for your relationship. As moving away from a hot flame, you both picked up your phones and mumbled excuses to move away from the situation.

Jungkook was the first to break the ice again.

“I don’t know how good this cake is going to be, the expiry date was at least a week and a half ago”

“Well Jeon Jungkook, if you brought an expired cake into my apartment, it feels like a right of passage that you have to try this cake with me.”

You couldn’t stop yourself from picking up a piece of cake on a fork and shoving it into his mouth. Immediately, his face scrounged up in disgust, and you could pretty much see him gag.

“That cream is… very creamy to stay the least,” he said as he thickly swallowed it down, grimacing the whole time.

His expression made you chuckle. There was something about the way his naturally fluffy hair seemed to move as he swayed like a piece of seaweed on your couch (a mannerism that you had picked up on quite quickly), that made you feel warm inside.

“Considering me sacrificing myself to this cake as a birthday present to you, Y/N”

The laugh that bubbled out of your chest almost made that gross cake worth it to Jungkook. And some words of sincerity slipped out before you could hold them in.

“Best birthday present ever, Jungkook, thank you.

--♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡--

Taglist: @apollukee , @mrcleanheichou , @monvieesdaebak

If you want to be tagged, please send me an ask!

If you liked what you read, please interact/follow! Thank you for reading♡

- Emily

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circus-babe · 3 years

Text

My teacher | 04

Other parts: Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5

synopsis: Math isn’t and will never be your favorite subject. But what happens when a new math teacher is in town. Will you start to like math or him? Maybe even both.

Pairing: Seokjin x reader

Warning: Strong language, mature content.

Genre: smut, angst, fluff, teacher kink lmao? age gap

Word count: 4,7k

It will be alright, there’s no need to fear. You prepared for a whole three week for this. You decided to give each other space to think things through to see what happens, to see how things would turn about between the both of you.

Turns out it was more difficult than you expected for it to be. All you did was miss him for the past three to four weeks and overthink everything. It was almost a month without him, but for you it felt like an eternity.

After those four weeks to three ended, you decided to talk to him, to get back that connection you both once had. And well he said he wanted to take you out for dinner, basically like a date he said. Of course you were more than happy to go, but you were scared to.

So there you were all nervous and scared to see him again after what felt so long..

It was a really fancy restaurant he decided to bring you to, you did your research after he sended you the address. He wanted to pick you up, but you were too nervous to see him so you decided to decline him, which made you drive yourself there.

The thought of seeing him again excited you, yeah you did see him in classes, but you never verbally spoke with him. Once class was done you walked out, not saying anything to him, barely even looking towards his direction.

As you walk in, heels clicking on the white marvel floor. Looking around, you realized how beautiful this restaurant was in person. Big glass windows everywhere, everything including the plates were either gold or white or a mix with both. And you honestly love those colors. There were also small and big plants on the corners of the room. It gave the room a fancy vibe.

As you kept looking around, you finally spotted him sitting on a small square table. It was a cute marveled table for two. Walking towards his direction, he quickly looked up, noticing your presence which made him stand up from his seat. Walking towards the table, he immediately grabbed your hand.

“You look beautiful” he said while scanning you up and down. And that’s thanks to Jungkooks help. You and him decided to go shopping just for this occasion. It took you almost a whole day to find this dress. But it was worth it.

It was this simple silky black dress with spaghetti straps that made your collar bone pop out nicely. It also has an opening on the leg area, making some of your upper thigh exposed. What you loved most about the dress was that it gave your body this slim figure look.

As his eyes were still on you, you started scanning him up and down. He was wearing a black suit that had a very soft material. Which over time he told you those were his favorites. His hair looked fluffy as always, which you loved. And don’t forget his silver glasses. He looked just as handsome as always.

As he held your hand, he helped you sit down on your seat, after he went to his seat. Smiling at you at all times. “Let’s order first, then I have some news for the both of us” he said, as you nodded, grabbing the menu that was on your side.

“Do you recommend something to me?” You told him to which he quickly nodded.

“The steak, it’s the best one in my opinion” He said brightly smiling at you. You missed him so much. You wanted to hug him, give him a kiss, to tell him just how awful this past time has been without him. But you want to take things slow. It’s only for the better. As you were in your thoughts the waiter came to your table.

“May I have your orders?” he said while getting ready to write it on his little notepad. Seokjin quickly nodded. “Can I have the house steak?” he said as the waiter nodded. Looking at you, you still couldn’t decide on what to get. But you’ll definitely go for the steak as well.

“The house steak as well” you told him with a smile as he quickly nodded. “Two house steaks coming right up” he said with a smile, and then walked back to the kitchen. Directing your view to seokjin, as he was already looking at you.

“Did I mention how beautiful you look?” he said with a smile while you couldn’t help but chuckle.

“I don't really remember” you said while touching your chin with your hand as he softly laughed.

“Well then you look beautiful, I mean you always look beautiful” he said which immediately made you feel shy, he soon realized it and chuckled to himself. Would things be different if you guys didn’t sleep for the first time?

That’s a question that has been roaming around your head. And well decisions were done, can’t change them now. Do you regret it? Of course not, it was the best night of your life, you will admit it. You will even tell anyone that. But what would’ve happened if you knew earlier? That’s a question that will never be answered and that you wonder.

“You said you had news” you told him changing the topic, which he quickly nodded. Pulling out a small box, he handed it to you. It was a cute small black box with red ribbons connecting the bow. You smiled and looked up at him.

“For me?” you asked him and he nodded with a smile. Slowly opening the box, you saw a necklace.

It was a beautiful silver thin necklace, with a blue butterfly pendant. It was so beautiful that you couldn’t help the smile that appeared on your face once you saw it. Looking up at him, he stood up from his seat. “Let me put it on for you” He said, grabbing the necklace from your hands and putting it on you. Touching the pendant, you smiled. Looking back at you, he headed towards his seat.

“It’s beautiful Seokjin” you told him while smiling.

“Not as beautiful as you” he said while grabbing your hands. And you couldn’t help but smile. This was all you wanted, a movement like this between the both of you.

“I missed you so much. It was just four weeks, but for me it felt like an eternity” he said, kissing your hands in the process. You missed him just as much. You fell hard for him, you can't even deny that, time itself showed you that. You just hope things turn out well this time.

“And well for the news” he took a deep breath as he looked at you happily. Did something happen?

“Well my son, I’ll be able to see him soon. Tomorrow I have to go to court and it’s the final day where they say who has custody over him.” he said as he smiled widely. Grabbing his hands tighter, you smiled with him. That makes you really happy, it really does.

You could see it hurt him not being able to see his son after a long time, and you also know how much love he has towards him. How he would do anything for him, and that warms your heart.

“I’m so happy for you.” you told him as he kept smiling. “I want you to meet him. I want him to meet the woman I love” he said, kissing your hands one more time. And that made your eyes go wide. You meeting his son is something you actually thought about. Jungkook encouraged you to meet him, that everything would be just fine, but what if something goes wrong? What if he doesn’t like you? That’s the same question you've been wondering non-stop.

“And don’t worry he’s the sweetest little boy. He’ll definitely like you” he said as he smiled at you, almost like he read your mind. And you just nodded with a smile. You trust Seokjin, and if he says it will be okay then it will be.

As he was about to say something else you hear the waiter coming your way. Handing you and Seokjin’s steak as he went back to the kitchen. And without wasting time you both started eating.

It was honestly the best steak you have had, Seokjin truly wasn’t lying. Not that you eat much steak but it’s good from the ones you have had before. “This is really good” you told him while taking another bite.

“I know right, it’s my favorite” he said, as he took another bite of his. The way his cheeks become chubbier whenever he took a bite, melted your heart.

While eating you both started sharing what you have been doing for the past weeks. And you found out that he planned so much for you, that he planned this ever since you told him you needed time. He also said that he has a lot of surprises for you, which got you excited.

“Ah that’s right. I forgot to tell you the other part of the news.” He said, taking a deep breath and looking at you. The sudden silence had you nervous, and even excited.

“I want to start a future with you. I have been thinking about telling you for two month now, and well I wasn’t sure how you felt. And mostly when the hold thing happened” he said while going quiet. You have also been thinking about this question. And well you’re ready. You want a future with him. You think that the time you were away from him showed you how lonely you felt without him. And it showed how much you truly love him.

“And well my question is, would you be my girlfriend? I promise I won’t keep things from you anymore. And I'll love you so much, I promise you” He said while waiting for your response patiently, his hands still with yours. And without thinking about it you smile at him and nodded. In the end there was nothing to think about anymore, the answers were more than clear.

“Yes” you told him while smiling. His wide eyes quickly turned to happiness. Jumping from his seat he yelled in happiness, as now everyone’s attention was on the both of you.

Looking around, you see everyone looking directly at you and then at Seokjin. Quickly Seokjin realized what was happening and apologized. As the waiter came back with Seokjin's card.

Seokjin quickly grabbed it, holding your wrist as you both left the restaurant. You both slowly walked out not making it seem weird or anything and once you both were out, you stood in the sidewalk of the restaurant.

His eyes on you, as yours were on him. Smiling he put a hand on your cheek and without waiting any longer than he already has, he kissed your lips. It was a soft kiss. A kiss you missed very much.

You missed the soft tingling feeling his lips left yours, you missed all those times you got to taste his lips. And each time it felt like the first kiss, the butterflies, the giggles, and the smiles. You missed it all.

Pulling you into a hug, he smiled. “I love you” he said, hugging you even a bit tighter in his arms. And you couldn’t help but smile, because the words i love you hit you like no other. “I love you too” you quietly whispered to him.

All you can think about now is the future you and Seokjin would have together. Who would’ve thought that you would end up with your math teacher? Not you, that's for sure.

. . . . . . . .

“We have come to the conclusion to give the father of 5 year old Younjin custody. He has shown respect and cared for his son. The values of what it is to be a respectful father to his son that loves him very much. Congratulations Mr. Kim Seokjin” said the judge finaciling the case that has been going on for two years now.

Seokjin smiled happily, bowing down at him “Thank you” he said, quickly he turned to you with a proud father smile as you smiled at him back. After yesterday you decided to come with him, well he asked you to come and you agreed. You know how special this day was for him. And how long he has been waiting for it. Of course you would come.

As the big black doors open a cute little boy comes out running towards Seokjin. Seokjin quickly went on his knees, catching him in his arms. Immediately the little boy started crying on Seokjin's shoulder. “I missed you dad” he said while hugging him tighter, which melted your heart.

“I missed you too buddy” said seokjin as he rubbed the back of his head with his hand. He’s like a mini version of Seokjin. It’s honestly adorable.

After a few minutes of both of them crying and expressing how happy they are now to see each other, Seokjin picked him up and carried him in his arms. He quickly motioned you to go with him, as you followed right behind, exiting the room as you see him carrying his son.

Once you were all out, Seokjin slowly turned around and smiled at you, putting his son down knowing that it was time for him to introduce you to him, which he was excited about.

You on the other hand, you were nervous and even scared. This is like a whole different type of meeting his parents, which you haven’t done either and the thought of meeting them makes your heart drop.

“Look Younjin, do you see this beautiful female in front of you” Seokjin looked over to his son, as the small boy slowly nodded with a smile.

“Well this is my lovely and most beautiful girlfriend, say hello to y/n” he smiled, his son slowly turned towards you, you weren’t sure on what to do so you just smiled and did a little wave at him. His soon confused face quickly turned into a happy one, he was giving you the cutest smile. He waved back at you, running towards your direction, as you went on your knees hugging him tightly. It felt as if the both of you haven’t seen each other in years, even though this was the first time you both met.

Pulling away with a smile, you held his little chubby hands.

“Hello! My name is Kim younji.” He told you with a giggle. You could see his little teeths, smiling, you nodded at him. “Hello Younji! My name is y/n, nice to meet you” you told him while shaking his little hand that just made him giggle.

“You’re pretty.” he told you as he touched your face with his little hand, that just made a soft laugh come out of you. You knew he got the flirting skills from his father, you could tell. “Isn’t she?” said Seokjin while also bending down on his knees next to you and little Younji nodded. While they were being all flirt with you, you couldn’t help but feel shy and even nervous. As Seokjin picked him up again, he took your hand and you all left the room.

“Who wants pizza?” said Seokjin while driving and looking towards the mirror. And you could hear Younji wiggling his feets in his little chair in the back of the car.

“Me! I do” Younji giggle in the back. Seokjin’s eyes soon averted to you as you smiled. Putting his hand on your thigh, you jump slightly from surprise. While he just smirked at you. “Seokjin” You mumble under your breath. He quickly laughed and kept driving, not moving his hand at all.

. . . . . . . .

As you both finished eating, Seokjin decided to head back to his home as he asked you to accompany him, you happily agreed to.

And you stayed there all night, you played with Younji. Moving all around Seokjin’s home while you chased after him. Or he wanted to show you his toys which you could not refuse to, so you went. His little self eventually got exhausted and Seokjin laid him in his bed. After that you were planning to head home, but Seokjin didn't want you to.

He said that he hasn’t seen you for too long and that now that he has you he wouldn’t let go of you that easily. So you both cuddle on the couch while watching movies.

“Are you sleepy!?” you asked him while he was trying to keep his eyes open. At the sound of your voice he quickly opened his eyes wide. “Of course not” he said while giving you a small kiss on the lips. You softly pat his head as he closed his eyes with a smile. “Come on, go to sleep” you told him while getting up and dragging him to his room.

If you waited for his response he would tell you he wasn’t tired and that he was just resting his eyes for the fourth time. You could tell he was doing everything in his power to keep his eyes open, and you wanted him to go to sleep because he did have work the next morning after all.

Opening the door, you tried to lay him down as he fell quickly on the bed, almost hitting himself in the process.

“Stay with me” he told you while smiling. But then you’ll have to stay. And you do want to stay, but you have to call your parents. If not they would be looking and calling you like maniacs, you truly need to move out of there already.

Walking out of the room, you hear him call your name, grabbing your phone out of your purse, you dial Jungkook's number. You waited for a few seconds until he finally answered.

“Y/n is something wrong? You never call this late” he answered with a worried tone. As you chuckled at his answer. Jungkook has always been over protective with you. He always looks after you which you appreciate very much. Sometimes you wonder how you got so damn lucky with him. Of having him as your best friend.

“I’m fine. So I need you to do me a favor” You quickly told him, going straight to the point as he immediately laughed.

“I knew you didn’t call me for no reason. What’s up?” He told you as he continued to laugh. And that’s honestly true. Now you feel bad.

“Well I want to stay at Seokjin’s home today. But” You said while nervously biting your nails which you never do.

“But what? you haven’t told your parents about him” he finished your favor. He knows you too well, he probably knows you more than yourself.

“Exactly! I'm planning on telling them soon. I mean we just started dating yesterday.” You told him as quickly he agreed. It’s not that you are ashamed or feel scared to tell your parents about Seokjin, you just aren’t sure on how to explain everything. About you dating him. You decided to wait a little longer.

“Yeah I understand. Just tell them you're over at my house. I’ll handle it when they call” he said. And this is one of the many reasons why you love him so much. He's just the most amazing best friend you’ll ever meet.

“Thank you! I love you so much” you told him which caused him to chuckle. “I love you just as much” Smiling, you quickly hang up and now you dialed your mother’s number. The sudden nervous feeling in your stomach isn’t pleasant, it never was.

“Y/n where are you?” she answered, making your nose scrunch, of course she was already looking for you. She truly doesn’t waste any time. “I’m at Jungkook’s. You can call him” you told her as you felt a pair of hands wrap around your waist. Looking to your side, you feel Seokjin’s chin on your shoulder. Smiling as he hugged you tighter.

“Ah okay!” she said as you didn’t really hear the other part she said since you were too focused on Seokjin's hand making its way to your entrance.

He rubbed the tip of his fingers in your entrance, making you cover your mouth with your hand to stop yourself from moaning. He was evil for doing this to you while you were on the phone and mostly with your mother to be his soon future mother inlaw.

Throwing your head back on his shoulder, he leaned closer to your ear.

“Why don’t we take this to the room?” He said, kissing your ear softly, and you nodded quickly knowing exactly what that meant.

“Mom, I'll see you tomorrow. I want to sleep” you quickly cut her off to whatever she was talking about as Seokjin tried holding his laugh, you softly hit his shoulder as you could him snort behind you. As she said her goodbyes you quickly ended the call.

Without wasting any more time, he picked you up like a bridal style and took you to the bed. Quickly laying you down.

Softly he took his shirt off and started leaning closer towards you. “We don’t want to wake up Younjin. So be a good girl and stay quiet.” he said as he started softly kissing your stomach all the way towards your thighs. Making you gasp as you cover your mouth with a pillow. Heavy breathing, you could feel him slowly taking your underwear off. Soon enough, he took the pillow away from your face and kissed your lips.

Pulling away from the kiss, you started to take your shirt off which made him stare at you. Which was actually his shirt but he let you use it, since you wore a dress.

As he went down to your thighs, softly kissing your inner thighs making you gasp once again. Seokjin’s lips pressing softly on your skin warms skin, leaving wet kisses just inches closer to your womanhood was driving you crazy. Biting your lip, you looked up to the ceiling. it’ll take everything in you not to moan.

While you were too distracted with your foggy mind, Seokjin had finally come face to face with your womanhood, placing a soft kiss on your clit. A shiver went down your spine when he pressed his warm tongue against your entrance. Holding the pillow tighter, you felt him move his tongue in circles.

The moment he made contact with your entrance was enough for you to go wild, it was enough to make you want more, to want him. Bringing your hands down to his hair, you push his face deeper in your entrance. Making a quiet moan leave your mouth. You soon started to roll your hips to the moment of his lips. Your fingers tangled in his hair as he pulled away while licking his lips.

Even though you both just started, your mind was blank. You couldn’t think of anything. It was just so foggy with lust. Leaning closer to you, he unclipped your bra, to which he immediately tossed on the corner of the room. Softly he reached for a condom on his nightstand, while keeping eye contact with you. Leaning closer to you, he placed a hand on your cheek and pulled you towards his lips, kissing you once again. Making the kiss quick and fast.

As he stood up straight, he grabbed his cock, brushing it softly on your wet entrance. You missed that feeling. That feeling of pleasure and lust. The feeling of him being inside you while you moaned to his moments. The way he would thrust wildly making the bed move rashly. You missed it all and fucked were you desperate for him.

You were needed to be exact, you wanted him to fuck you like he did before. But this time it was different, it had a twist. This time you had to stay quiet and with the way Seokjin feels inside of you this was going to be a challenge.

Slowly you feel his tip enter your entrance, making you gasp immediately. Seokjin took one of your hands, interlacing it as he started to push his cock all the way in. Making your mouth go wide open. Shutting his eyes, he waited for a few seconds for you to adjust, and then just like that he thrusted himself out just to slam himself back inside of you.

The slow thrusts were making you lose the grip on his hand. “Fcuk, faster please” you begged him, as you started to spread your legs wider so he could go deeper. Keeping a hand on your waist, he listened to your command to which he started thrusting faster inside of you.

“I love you” he whispered while smiling brightly at you. Making you look at him and smile. The darkness in the room made it a bit difficult for you to fully see him, but it was enough to imagine his smile

I love you too” you whispered back to him. How you missed this guy so much. He has become such an important part in your life. And you’re happy about that, happy that he will be your future. That future you have been so excited about.

As seokjin started to thrust faster into you, quickly bringing one hand up to his shoulder. While he started to pound deeper into you. Making you dig your nails into his back. It’s taking everything from you not to moan. If it wasn't for his son then you would be a moaning mess right now.

He started to desperately move inside you, throwing your head back as lust and pleasure kept building up. He pushed harder on the mattress making you bite your bottom lip hard. Lowering his head to your chest, leaving soft kisses on your breast.

“Fuck you feel so good” he whispered while groaning harder and a bit louder. You couldn’t even think of anything to say. Your mind was all filled with pleasure and lust something you haven’t had in a while.

He grunted while thrusting aggressively into you as a knot started forming in your stomach again. It felt so hot as pleasure kept flowing all over your body, you held the pillow harder on your face while biting it. “Fuck how much i missed you”

Legs shaking while he kept thrusting with the same quick pace. As you were getting closer to your orgasm. The knot had been building up to the point where you felt weak. With the way seokjin was thrusting into you, you were going to cum hard and fast.

“Y-yes, oh my god seokjin” You whispered letting out a loud moan. Arching your back, you squeezed Seokjin's hand tighter while you came around his cock. Your walls soon tightened around his cock, making him groan hard. He was sweating just like you, thrusting into you in a sloppy way, when his body tensed up. Shutting his eyes as he finally came on the condom.

“Fuck” he said while throwing his head back. Quickly leaning towards you, he placed a soft kiss on your lips. Pulling out of you as his cock soften. Taking the condom off, he quickly threw it away. And with that he leaned towards you and whispered.

“You’re amazing” as he kissed your breast. And all you could do was nod. You really had no energy, you couldn’t even respond. He looked up at you and laughed.

He quickly picked you up and laid you down on the right side of the bed. As he went to the other side. Pulling you closer as he smiled. “I love you y/n” he told you, giving your forehead a kiss, something that made you look at him, you could see a smile on his face. To which you immediately smiled and nodded to.

“I love you too” you told him as hugged you tighter in his arms. You’re just wondering how your future will be together. But if he’s with you then there's nothing to fear.

#seokjin #kim seokjin #kim seokjin scenario #kim seokjin x reader #seokjin x reader #seokjin fanfic #seokjin scenarios #kim seokjin imagine #seokjin imagine #btssmut #bts #bts x reader #bts x you #you x seokjin #bts jin #bts jin x reader

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taehyungs-perm · 4 years

Text

strawberry girl pt 5

taehyung x reader; college au; childhood best friends to lovers au; jock!fratboy taehyung

genre: fluff; major angst lol

word count: 16k

summary: i can pretend i don’t miss you. i can pretend i dont care. all i want to do is kiss you. what a shame you’re not here.

Part 1 here ; Part 2 here; part 3 here; part 4

playlist vibes

fuck it i love you | lana del ray

still with you | jk

la vie en rose | edith piaf

the remedy of a broken heart | xxxtentacion

cant help falling in love with you | kina grannis

sweet night | v

cherry hill | russ

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All of the days had pretty much begun to blend together. There was no difference between morning and night. You just sat in your room, shades drawn, binging TV shows and movies. After the first night, you began to cry in random spurts. It would go a bit something like this: you would be staring at the cereal swirling in the milk and burst into tears because your heart would just seize up in pain; you would focus on the spinning of your ceiling fan before you would realize the tears were spilling out of your eyes; you would tear up as you scrolled through your camera photos just to see his face. Every ounce of your being missed him but there was no way in hell you could face him, not after that night.

You had blocked his number when he began to text and call you after a week. You had hoped he would never contact you, but that wasn’t the case.

Tae: hey

Tae: can we talk

Tae: I’m sorry

Tae: can we stay friends

Tae: missed call (5)

Tae: why r u ignoring me

Tae: u fucked it up

Tae: not me

Tae: I’m sorry that was uncalled for

Tae: can we talk

Tae: pls

Every time his name popped up on your phone screen, you felt like throwing your phone against the wall. It was after a few days of this when you realized you couldn’t take it anymore. You just wanted him out of your life. It became much easier to deal with the pain once you weren’t bombarded by messages from him.

You laid on your bed, with Gossip Girl mindlessly playing in the background, thinking about him. Before the break started, you and Taehyung talked about all of the things you wanted to do since this was the first time in a long time where it would be you two alone at home: have picnics, go ice skating, watch movies all night. All of that, gone to shit. Just cause you fucking had to tell him about your feelings.

Your mom had enough of you lying in your bed all day and forced you to get out of your room. It just ended up with you lying on the living room couch all day instead. You had just gotten a copy of “Freedom is a Constant Struggle” by Angela Davis but you felt like your brain was mush and couldn't bring yourself to read it. One morning, your parents tried convincing you to come shopping and get some fresh air but you felt like you had no energy to do so. You laid on the couch, face squished on a pillow, curled up in a blanket, completely not comprehending the episode of gossip girl you had switched on. The doorbell rang and you groaned, barely shifting, not wanting to answer the door. The doorbell rang again and you rolled off the couch, annoyed. You tried peering through the side window to see who was at your door bothering you. Then you heard loud rapid knocks. Ugh who the fuck is knocking at my door and why aren’t they leaving?

You reluctantly opened the door, still wrapped in your blanket, completely prepared to yell at whoever was annoying the shit out of you, but when you saw him standing there, every thought in your head completely disappeared, your heart completely dropping.

Your voice broke, “Taehyung?”

He looked at you, peering at your eyes behind his shaggy curly strands of hair, shivering in his jacket and sweatpants, “__________”. His voice was shaking, as if he was scared.

You wanted to slam the door on his face, but the way his big brown eyes were staring at you, full of innocence, you knew you couldn’t bring yourself to do that. You couldn’t help but wonder, did he not get the message? And why does he even want to talk to you?

“What do you want?” you asked, sternly.

“Can we talk? please?”

“Taehyung, please, leave me alone. please.” You tried to close the door but he stepped forward and held the door open with his hand.

“You blocked my number. I can't even contact you anymore. Can I just have this at least? Can we just talk once more?” he pleaded. His eyes were filled with a sadness that you couldn’t quite understand. You desperately just wanted to reject him just like he did to you, but you couldn’t. He was and always would be your weakness. Seeing him, standing here in front of you, doe eyed and heartbroken because of your actions made you hate yourself even more. You would rather have your heart broken a thousand times than to see him in pain.

“Okay. we can talk,” you whispered softly.

You didn't want to let him in though. You just leaned on the doorframe, staring at him as the wind sent shivers up your spine.

“Why are you ignoring me again? I told you not to do that. Ignoring me doesn’t do anything.”

“I needed space. And I still do.”

“Space from me?” he stepped closer to you. His closeness made you uneasy. You glanced up into his eyes, and there were stone cold seriousness. You hadn’t seen Taehyung like this in a while. For all the talk of you thinking Taehyung was adorable and cute, he could be just as intimidating. The look in his eyes made you almost scared.

“Yes.” you breathed out, trying to match his serious tone.

“Are you mad at me?”

“I’m not mad at you, just at myself…because I knew this would happen, but I let myself fall in love with you anyways.”

“I'm sorry.”

“There's nothing to be sorry about. It's just I should have known better. It's what happens to people like me. And this is why I don’t let myself fall in love.”

“___________ don't let this ruin you. Don’t let me fuck up everything you believed in. You’ll fall in love again.”

“Taehyung. I’ve been in love with you for years. I just never had the guts to say it. I dunno if I'll fall in love again because my heart belongs to you. I didn’t choose to give it to you and it fucking kills me to admit it,” you felt tears welling up in your eyes. Your voice began to crack, shaking from the tears, “but my heart is yours and you don’t even want it.”

Taehyung had been staring at the ground, scared to make eye contact with you. But once you said those words, he looked up at you, his eyes trembling, “_________ I like you. okay? Please don't forget that. You're my best friend.”

You looked deep into his eyes and shook your head softly, “Taehyung, Stop looking at me like you want me because we both know you don’t. I know you don’t feel the same way, but I wish you did.”

“_______ I told you, I just don't know right now. I just don't know how I feel about you but maybe if you give me time I could fi-“

You cut him off, not wanting to hear any bullshit, “Don’t fuck with my feelings just because you’re unsure of yours. I didn’t mean to fall in love but I did. And you didn’t mean to hurt me but you did. Try to understand how I feel.”

Taehyung took another step towards you, his hand came up to your face, resting on your cheek as he wiped a falling tear, “Why do you need space from me? Why do you need to cut me off completely?”

You pushed his hand away, feeling annoyed at his words. All of this was bullshit. Taehyung doesn’t care about you. He broke your heart and he was just acting now. He just pretends to care but really he doesn’t give a shit about you.

You furrowed your eyebrows in anger, “I just want to fucking get over you okay? Like Taehyung, you have no idea what you do to me. The way my heart goes completely erratic. The way that one look from you is all that I need to smile. I can’t think around you. Because all I think about it is you. I don’t think...I’m capable of being just friends with you. At least not for a long time. Maybe that’s selfish but that’s all I’m asking of you. I’m not asking you to love me because I know you can’t do that. So just give me space.”

He was quiet, not saying a single word. You sighed out your last few thoughts, “You don’t love me the way I love you. And I know you never will. And that’s okay. But understand that just being friends with you and seeing you everyday is a reminder that you don’t love me.”

Taehyung scoffed, kicking his foot against the door frame, “Why did you do that? Why did you have to tell me your feelings? Why did you fuck it up?”

Your lip trembled. You already felt like shit, like the biggest idiot on the planet for thinking he could love you back, and now he was just shoving your mistakes right back in your face, “Why did you kiss me? You keep saying I fucked it up! I didn’t, you did! If you just didn’t fucking kiss me, then this wouldn’t have happened. So why the fuck did you kiss me?”

He took a step back, shocked at your outburst. His voice faltered, coming out weak and soft, “I..I..I dunno. I don’t know.”

You scoffed, “You want me in your life, but I can’t do that. You’re asking too much of me. You’re asking me to pretend these feelings I have for you are insignificant. Something that can be stored away as if they didn’t matter. But it did matter. To me.” You stepped towards him, feeling a bit reckless but fuck it right? you had nothing else to lose. you just wanted the truth from him. You asked, your voice icy, “Do I even matter to you?”

He looked at you, confused, “Of course you matter to me. You're my everything.”

You couldn't help but let out a cold laugh, “The things you say sometimes make me feel like I actually have a chance with you, but then I snap back to reality and realize I never really did.”

Taehyung looked at you with defeated eyes. You looked at him and saw that he knew he had done things and said things that he couldn’t take back.

His eyes were now puffy and bloodshot. His voice croaked, “So where does this leave us? We go back to ignoring each other? You pretend I don't exist and I do the same to you?”

You sighed as you walked back to your front door. you turned to look at him before you shut the door close, “It's for the best Taehyung.”

You closed the door, not waiting to see if he had left your porch. You sat on the ground, back against the door as tears collected in your eyelashes. You know you really love someone when you don’t hate them for breaking your heart

———————————————————————————————————

You left later than planned, purposefully just so you could avoid traveling with Taehyung or even running into him by accident on campus. When you got back to school, Hana was out with Jungkook so you began to unpack, trying to distract yourself. You had told her a little bit about what happened, that you told him how you felt but he didn't reciprocate. You definitely made it seem you weren’t as torn up about it as you actually were, avoiding her FaceTime calls so she couldn’t see your bloodshot eyes.

You slumped on your bed, scrolling through an academic paper you were attempting to read for class but you couldn’t focus. His fucking smile, his fucking laugh, his fucking curly hair, it was all swimming in your mind and you couldn’t stop thinking about him.

You felt your eyes well up with tears and shut your laptop. You laid down on your bed and buried yourself in your blankets. You drifted off to sleep, exhausted from being so emotionally drained.

You jolted awake when you felt a hand on your shoulder.

“__________.”

“Whatttt?” You groaned as rolled over and saw Hana sitting on the edge of your bed. You rubbed your eyes and broke out into a smile when you saw your roommate, “Hana!”

She gave you a hug and gave you a concerned look, “How are you?”

You felt your words get caught in your throat, immediately feeling tears well up in your eyes, “I’m okay. Dunno why I can/t stop crying.”

Hana rubbed your shoulder soothingly, “You just lost one of your best friends. Your heart got completely broken. It’s okay to cry __________.”

“I’m so fucking stupid. I wish I didn't give him this power to hurt me,” you whispered softly.

“Hey, it's okay ___________. I'm so proud of you. You worked up the courage to tell him how you feel. And what you feel matters, so you shouldn’t feel bad about it, okay?”

You shook your head. You couldn’t even explain your heartbreak to Hana. Because she wouldn’t understand. You wouldn’t wish this kind of pain on anyone. Unrequited love doesn’t just make you feel sad. It breaks you down. It preys on your deepest insecurities and leaves you hollow and empty. Because in the end, it was you. You were the problem, you were the reason why it didn’t work out. It's not even that he was in love with someone else. It was simply that he didn't love you.

Hana spoke cautiously, “What exactly did he say when you told him?”

You tried to recall but your mind was a bit foggy as you tried to mentally block out that day, “Um, well he said he doesn’t love me that way. And that he was confused about his feelings.”

“He said he was confused?”

“Yea,”

“Hmm. it's a weird word choice but…”

“But what?”

“Im sorry ___________. I'm going to be honest with you, just so it doesn’t hurt more later. When a guy says they’re confused, they probably don't have feelings at all and are just trying to be nice. That's the only thing not complicated about them. If a guy likes a girl, he won’t hide it and say he is confused.”

“I’m fucking crazy to think he was into me” you said, tears slowly rolling down your cheeks.

“Do you still love him?”

“Yea”

“How much?”

“Why does it matter?” You retorted coldly, staring at your blankets.

She responded in a soft tone, “Why does it not?”

You met her eyes, “Because he doesn’t love me back”

“If you still love him, then you can't be around him right now. But you shouldn’t regret your feelings towards him. I know it doesn’t seem like it right now, but you’ll get through this.”

You fiddled with your hands, trying to steady your breathing, “It’s unfathomable. I can’t possibly envision a future with him loving me the way I want him to. But I can't get rid of this feeling, that somewhere deep inside me, I still have hope that he’ll fall for me. It’s pathetic really, how much I still hope it’s him and me in the end.”

She put her arm around your shoulder, pulling you into her embrace, “It's not pathetic. You love him, its okay to want him. But I promise you, you’ll get through this, and I'll be there for you the entire time. You are such an amazing person, you are kind and smart and if he can’t see that, then fuck him.”

you laughed humorlessly, “Thanks Hana.” You paused and then whispered hoarsely, “I wish love was perfect as love itself.”

“it will be. Once you find the one. It will all feel so easy and natural when you find your actual love.”

It was silent for a few moments and then she looked at your puffy eyes, “Are you feeling better?”

You sniffled and nodded, “I’ll be fine.”

“How do you know that?” she asked seriously.

You glanced at the window, seeing the rain droplets slide down the window pane, “Because my whole life I’ve been in love with someone who doesn’t love me back. It’s nothing new.”

“Boys are fucking stupid” Hana said, shaking her head.

“So fucking stupid.”

———————————————————————————————————

Hana did her best to keep you distracted, walking with you to class, eating meals with you, hanging out with you on the weekends, always going to the library with you. Jungkook tagged along most of the time but only after Hana asked you if it was okay. Seeing Jungkook did remind you of Taehyung, but his presence didn't bother you too much since he was always cracking jokes to make you smile.

You didn't see Taehyung around campus at all. It was like he was a ghost, completely gone from your life. It almost made it worse because then you yearned to see him, just to see his cute smile, to hear his adorable laugh. You missed his annoying headass personality that made your heart flutter, you missed the way you could talk to him about anything and everything because he actually listened, you missed being the person he could trust the most to talk to about his feelings.

Sometimes you got these heart aches, you could physically feel yourself falling apart at the seams. And it just hurt. It hurt to breathe, to think, to feel. And you didn’t know what hurt the most: The fact that he wasn’t in your life anymore and you won’t ever see his doe eyes and boxy smile again or the fact that you weren’t enough for him and that you’ll never be enough for him.

The pain of him just not being in your life was worse than you could ever imagine. Then, that combined with the realization your love was unrequited made you feel like you weren't ever going to get through this.

You sat on the first floor of the library with Hana, working through some biology worksheets to prepare for class. Hana was talking to you about the new boba place on campus, “They have the best green milk tea.”

“Damn I miss boba. I haven’t had it in so long.”

“Lets go right after this. They have a bunch of flavors.”

You nodded, feeling weirdly excited for just boba.

“Hi” you heard a voice say.

You looked up and saw Jennie.

“Hi?” you said, very confused.

She smoothed out her pink tennis skirt and sat down on the seat next to you, “Can we talk?”

“About?”

“Him.”

You glanced at Hana, who was also clearly uncomfortable. You really didn't want to talk to her about Taehyung but Hana gave you a small nod.

“Fine.”

Jennie looked at Hana uneasily, “Can we talk alone?”

You crossed your arms defensively, “Anything you have to say to me, Hana can hear it too.”

Hana put her hand on your shoulder reassuringly, “It’s okay. You should talk to her alone. I'll be by the vending machines in the back. Come and find me when you're done talking.”

She got up after giving you a smile.

You sighed deeply, facing Jennie, “So what’s up?”

“What happened? With you and Taehyung?”

“That's literally none of your business. Did he tell you something?”

She looked concerned, “No. Well. Kinda. Not really. After we all got back to campus, Taehyung didn't text me or call me. Which is strange because he usually calls or texts around every two weeks or so to hook up. But once we got back, he didn't respond to any of my messages. So I went over to his dorm.”

“And?”

“And he looked like shit. Like he hadn't slept or showered or eaten properly. I tried asking him what happened but he just told me to leave and not to come back. I ran into Jimin on the way out. He said you two had a falling out and Taehyung has been a wreck since. Tae has barely left his room, only for school and soccer and thats with Jimin and his other friends forcing him to.”

What? What was going on with him? Was he really this affected by your friendship? That didn't make any sense you guys had only recently become friends. Surely he could easily just resume his lifestyle to when you guys weren’t close.

You looked at Jennie, “I told him that I loved him. And he said he didn’t love me. I said we couldn’t be friends, at least not for a while. I guess he didn't take it well.”

You thought Jennie would just laugh in your face or say “I told you so”, but she didn't. She pulled you into a side hug, “Oh honey, I'm so sorry. I’m sorry. I know how it feels.”

“Did you ever tell him how you felt?”

She laughed softly, “I didn’t. I was too scared. I knew he would reject me. I guess I was scared of losing him, even just as a fuck buddy. So I just quietly pined over him from a distance.”

You chuckled, “You and me both.”

“I kinda admire that you had the guts to tell him how you felt. If he didn't have feelings for you, there's no possible way he ever liked me.”

You scoffed, “I'm sure he has feelings for you. You're so beautiful. And nice. And pretty. There's no way he didn't like you.”

“__________, you know you're beautiful too. I was actually always jealous of you.”

You were completely shocked, “Jealous of me?”

“Yes! No matter where we were, you could always get Taehyung's attention without even trying. I had to literally climb on top of him to get him to even think about me. Sorry about that by the way.”

“You don't have to be sorry about that. It's not a big deal. Honestly boys are so fucking stupid. I don't know why we let him use us and hurt us so much.”

“Exactly. I hope...we can be friends. Like for real.”

You nodded, “I'm sorry too. I was kinda a bitch to you.”

“Like you said, it's not a big deal. that's all in the past.”

Jennie got up and smiled at you. She paused for a moment, looking at you carefully, “By the way, you mean a lot to Taehyung. I know you're upset at him right now but maybe you can consider being friends with him in awhile.”

She stalked away leaving you in your thoughts. It was still too soon. But you felt better. Some of your sadness that you felt for yourself went away, transforming into a sort of anger and annoyance at Taehyung: he used girls like you and Jennie all the time and would play with their feelings just so he could feel good about himself. Fuck boys.

———————————————————————————————————

You were sitting on the picnic benches near the soccer field like how you used to do, but now Taehyung doesn’t come and sit next to you. The peacefulness of being outdoors allowed you to finally focus on your work without any distractions. As you were studying your statistics homework, you heard someone call your name. You looked up and it was Jimin's smiling face.

“Hey ___________!”

“Hey” you said quietly. You were a bit surprised to see Jimin talking to you. You kinda figured whatever friendship you two had was gone once you and Taehyung stopped talking.

“Are you doing the stats homework?” He said walking over to you, both his backpack and soccer bag slung over his shoulder.

“Um yea,” you said, shifting uneasily. Why was he talking to you? If he was here to talk about Taehyung, you were going to get up and leave. You really weren’t emotionally or mentally prepared to talk about him with one his closest friends.

“I was actually having some trouble with the assignment. Could you help me with it?” He said, dropping his bags on the picnic table.

“Uh sure I guess,” you mumbled out as he sat next to you. Jimin gave you his signature beautiful smile and you felt terrible because all you could offer was your half hearted one. He pulled out his notes and you began to help him with a few of his questions.

Being around Jimin was actually immensely helpful. He successfully distracted you with his cute jokes and charming personality. After about an hour or so, you realized you should be heading back to your dorm so you stood and began to pack up your things.

“___________?”

“Yeah?”

“I was wondering...” he looked a bit nervous, giving you a shy smile, “I was wondering if you want to get dinner together tomorrow?”

You blinked. Was Park Jimin asking you out? What? What the fuck was going on?

“You want to get dinner...with me?” You asked, confused.

He laughed, “Yes I want to. Do you want to...with me?”

Was this a prank or something? Did he want something from you?

“Wait is this like a study dinner thing with a group?” You asked, very unsure.

Jimin chuckled again as he ran his hand through his brown hair, “No _________, this isn’t a study dinner thing with a group. I want to get dinner with just you with no studying involved.”

You fiddled with the end of your hair, trying to process what he was saying, “Is this a date or...”

“It can be whatever you want. It can be two friends getting food together or it can be something more.”

“Jimin...I dunno. I don’t want anyone to get the wrong idea” you said, thinking of Taehyung.

He put his hand gently on your shoulder, “If you’re upset about Taehyung, I get it. But that’s why I said it can be two friends hanging out.”

You thought about it and pursed your lips. Why do I give a fuck about what Taehyung thinks? He made it clear that we are just friends and that he has no feelings for me. Honestly we aren’t even friends anymore so I don’t give a fuck about what he thinks.

You slung your bag over your shoulder and smiled at Jimin, “You know what? You’re right. We can hang. Just text me later.”

You wanted to feel confident and happy that you were trying to move on and make plans with people instead of laying in your dorm room bed all day but there was still a nagging feeling of hurt and longing in your heart that didn’t know would ever disappear.

———————————————————————————————————

You wanted to feel the same butterflies you always felt whenever you saw Taehyung, but as you stepped out of your dorm and saw Jimin leaning against his black Audi, wearing sunglasses and a black tee tucked into black skinny jeans, you didn’t feel anything.

He smiled at you, “Hey __________. You look cute.” Again, nothing.

“Thanks. You look pretty good yourself.” You retorted playfully.

He opened the car door for you and you sat in the car, immediately getting flashbacks to Taehyung's birthday party and how he took you for a joyride in this very car. You smoothed out your black pleated skirt and picked at your leggings hoping you would get distracted and not reminisce over the happiness you felt sitting in this car with Taehyung.

You and Jimin chatted quietly about your days and your classes before you realized he had parked in front of a small restaurant.

“I actually have been meaning to go here for a while, but never found the time. Or the right person to go with,” Jimin said with a teasing smile as you walked into the restaurant.

Sometimes you would forget that Jimin was just as much as a fuckboi as Taehyung except with more braincells but then he would tease you, just like Taehyung used to, with flirty jokes and seductive smiles and you couldn’t help but roll your eyes at his antics.

As you slurped on your ramen noodles, you found that you and Jimin had more in common than you realized.

“You watch Gossip Girl?” you said widening your eyes when he lit up at your off hand comment about re binging the show over break.

“Of course! Nate is my literal inspiration!” he exclaimed with a huge smile.

“Nate?” you thought about it for a moment and then continued, “Actually, he’s definitely the least problematic one out of everyone in the show.”

“And…he definitely has the best style.” Jimin added as he sipped his water.

you talked a bit about his winter break and his adventures in europe.

“So did you go with your family or..” you asked, curious.

“I went with some friends from home. I wanted to get some of the BTS guys to go with me but we decided to go on a group trip for spring break.”

“Where did you go in Europe?”

“Um, I went to England, then France, then Germany.”

“Oh wow. that's a lot of places,” you commented, a bit surprised since break was only two weeks.

“I dunno. I think traveling is such a great way to relax I guess. Going to new places and experiencing new cultures with friends.”

“That's valid. I guess in my head traveling gives me stress. So did you go sight seeing or just kinda wandered around the city?”

He chuckled, a light blush coming to his cheeks, “Uh, kinda, I guess.”

You wrinkled your eyebrows, not understanding why he was getting flustered, “What? What did you do?”

He ran his hand through his hair, catching a glimpse at how silky his dark brown locks were, “Well, it was like 25 percent sightseeing historical buildings.”

“And the other 75 percent?”

“Sightseeing night clubs” he said laughing.

“So you went to Europe to go to clubs?” you said trying to stifle your laughs.

“In my defense, European clubs are way different so there’s that.”

You raised your eyebrows at him, “And?”

“And what?” he said leaning forward on his arms.

“What about the European girls?”

“Oh fuck off,” Jimin said, averting his eyes and laughing.

“What else should I expect from Park Jimin? European vacation for clubbing and girls.”

“Dude, you make me sound like I'm Chuck Bass,” Jimin countered, his face a complete shade of pink, fully embarrassed at your teasing.

After you two paid for your meals, Jimin walked you over to a cute little cafe next door. You excitedly picked out a slice of strawberry cake, desperately wanting something comforting after feeling alone for the past month while Jimin ordered a coffee. You tried to pay for your own cake but of course Jimin wouldn’t hear of it and paid for it, insisting it was the “gentlemanly” thing to do (you had to roll your eyes at this).

You two made your way to a picnic table in front of the restaurant, sitting underneath the bright fairy lights hung up outside, giving just enough light in the darkness of the night. He sat across from you, sipping his coffee. You opened up the box that contained the cake and smiled, remembering the good memories you had attached with it. You brushed your hair behind your ear and took a bite.

You offered some to him which he accepted.

“___________, I'm not sure if you want to talk about this yet, but I just wanted to ask how you are doing? Like for real?”

You sighed. You figured he was going to ask you about this at some point tonight, “Okay I guess. I mean not great but i'm going on. It’s whatever I guess”

“It's not whatever. I'm really sorry that happened to you. It hurts, doesn’t it?”

You nodded softly and whispered out, “It does.”

You were scared to ask but you knew you couldn’t go home tonight without asking Jimin, “How is he?”

He set his coffee on the table, “Not good. He misses you. A lot.”

Your heart broke at his words. You wished he just told you that Taehyung didn't give a shit. That he was doing great and that he was still fucking Jennie and didnt even notice that you weren’t in his life anymore.

Part of you didn't believe his words, “Nah. I'm sure he’s fine.”

“No __________ he isn't. He doesn’t go out anymore. He just goes to class and soccer practice. That's it.”

You closed your eyes, processing what Jimin was saying. Why is he so upset? He broke your heart. He made you cry. He made you feel worthless so why is he acting like this?

“Does he know you’re hanging out with me tonight?”

“Uh no. But I didn't want him to get the wrong idea. You said this was just as friends so there’s no reason for me to tell him and have him get all worked up about it,” Jimin said, shrugging his shoulders.

You nodded, resting your hands on the picnic table, trying to take deep breaths to calm your nerves.

He stood up and sat next to you, his legs touching yours. He reached over and took your hands in his, “I don't know why he’s so torn up about this whole situation, especially since he broke your heart. I tried telling him that you need space and that it's completely fair of you to not want to be friends for now but he always dodges the conversation. I'll try talking to him again.”

Your voice cracked as you looked at Jimin, Thank you. For being a good friend. For listening to me. For caring about me.”

He put his arm around your shoulder, pulling you into his embrace, “Of course. I just really want you and Taehyung to be okay. Both of you are my friends and I care about you guys a lot.”

Jimin dropped you off at your dorm and told you to call him if you ever needed anything. You gave him a weak smile and went back to your room, feeling slightly okay.

You laid on your bed and checked Instagram since you hadn’t looked at it in a while. You noticed Jimin had something recently posted which was kinda odd because he rarely posted on his Instagram story and you were just with him. You clicked on his story and your eyes widened when you saw it was a picture of you captioned with a single purple heart.

It was a photo he took of you sitting across from him at the picnic table. You were smiling at the strawberry cake in front of you. You couldn’t clearly see your face since your hair was somewhat covering it but if anyone knew you, it was very obvious. You were worried for a moment that Taehyung would see it before you remembered you two weren’t on speaking terms anymore. Well, its a cute picture and I had a good time with Jimin tonight so who cares? you thought, shrugging your worries away.

———————————————————————————————————

The next morning, you woke up feeling better than you had in a long time. The weight that you had been dredging around for the past month or so had felt lighter. You grabbed your baking basket and some strawberries from your fridge, finally feeling the excitement to bake in a long time. You also wanted some time to think; a lot had changed since you came back home from break and you wanted to properly sort out how you were feeling about the whole situation.

You tied up your hair, and laid out the ingredients to make strawberry muffins. You thought about Jennie as you mixed the flour, baking soda, and salt together. She was hurt too. You never really thought about how she felt in this whole situation, but in her own way, she was dealing with her own personal insecurities. She wanted Taehyung too and you had him in a way she never did.

You were glad that you two were on friendly terms now because she was a sweet and kind person once you got to actually knowing her. You felt upset at the way Taehyung treated her. He knew her feelings and yet he continued to play with them, just like he played with yours. After hanging out with Jimin, you were also heartbroken to hear that Taehyung’s behavior hadn’t improved. You wanted him to recover just like you were.

But it seemed like he needed you. And you didn't need him. You wanted him, that was for sure. But you didn’t need him because you were moving on. Each day it was getting easier to breathe and to think clearly. You began to mix the eggs, milk, and vanilla extract into the dry ingredients, slowly stirring as you thought. You paused and realized that you felt empty. Like your heart had finally gone numb.

As if it were finally exhausted of the roller coaster of emotions you spent with him: anger, jealousy, nervousness, love, happiness. Your heart burned and burned and then suddenly turned to ice. You mixed the chopped up strawberry pieces with flour then added it to the batter.

It felt nice, not feeling completely overwhelmed with emotions. You thought about what Hana had told you when you came back, that if he couldn’t recognize your worth, then fuck him. And then suddenly you cared even less. Because the only person’s validation you needed was your own. You evenly divided the batter into 12 equal portions in the muffin tin. You popped the tin into the oven and sat down on the empty chair.

You didn't need Taehyung's validation, you didn't need his love, to feel complete. You were complete on your own. You still had sadness for him, you still wanted him, but after these past few weeks, you came to the realization that you were enough and that pining and sitting in your room all day, waiting for him wasn’t going to do you any good. You breathed out softly, trying to reassure yourself, “It's going to be fine.”

———————————————————————————————————

“You’ll really come?” Hana asked excitedly.

You were sitting on your bed, relaxing as you attempted to proofread your essay.

“Ya, I will. I’m not really making any progress with this essay right now. So I'll come.” Hana had been trying to convince you to come to a party all day and you had finally agreed. It had been a while since you went out, especially with the whole situation with Taehyung going on, you rarely left your room. But now, you were feeling much better emotionally and mentally.

You got ready with Hana, opting for a simple jeans and sweater because it was still cold outside.

She told you that the party wasn’t at the BTS frat and it calmed your nerves a little. Even though you were feeling better, you didn’t know what you would do if you saw Taehyung. It was still too soon. The wounds he left still hurt.

“EXO parties are always fucking insane,” Hana raved as you two entered the frat house.

“Why?” you asked curious

“Cuz they rarely have parties but when they do, they go all out.” she said smiling as you looked around. Your eyes widened when you saw a huge tower of beer cans stacked in the middle, a DJ at the front of the house, and several stripper poles.

“What the fuck…” you mumbled as you looked around.

“Jungkook is here somewhere.” Hana muttered as she led you through the enormous crowd.

She found Jungkook in the kitchen by drinks, talking with Yoongi and Hobi. The second Jungkook saw Hana he pulled her into a deep kiss. You were really happy for Hana but it stung. Would anyone ever love you like that? You sighed and said hello to Yoongi and Hobi.

“How is it going _________. Haven’t seen you in awhile.” Hobi said, smiling widely.

Yoongi elbowed him in the stomach and whispered loudly, “Bro, shut up.”

You laughed awkwardly, “It's okay. I'm fine. just been doing school stuff.”

Yoongi gave you a soft smile, “I'm glad you are doing well. I know it's all complicated but I hope we can all still be friends.”

You nodded, “Of course.”

Hobi handed you a drink, “Try this.”

You looked in the red solo cup and it was a blue colored drink, “What the fuck is this?”

“There isn’t any alcohol! It's just a blue Hawaiian punch mixed with sprite.”

“That sounds like a heart attack in a cup.” Yoongi said, utterly confused at the combination.

“I'm telling you, It's good. Try it _________.”

You took a sip and it was very sweet, but not bad tasting. “It's decent. Not terrible,” you said nodding.

Jungkook came over with Hana wrapped in his hard, “Guys I heard that EXO got strippers for tonight. That’s fucking insane.”

Hana punched his arm and Jungkook exclaimed, “Owww. I never said I was going to do anything about it. Just stating a fact.”

You were laughing at Jungkook’s pure stupidity when someone caught your eye. Your heart stopped. Of course he was here tonight. All his friends were. You hadn’t seen him since that day on your porch. Then you saw his arm wrapped around her. Then the sadness that was in your heart immediately bloomed into anger. What the fuck? All this fucking talk of not wanting a girlfriend yet he was here with her?

Hana put a hand on your shoulder, “Do you want to leave? We can go.”

You shook your head, “I'm fine.”

“I can literally beat his ass right now if you want,” She said aggressively.

Jungkong squeezed Hana’s shoulder, “That's my Hana, lovely and scary.”

You gave her a weak smile, “I'm okay. For real. I just need you to be here for me. Thats all.”

You hadn’t spoken or seen Taehyung since that day on your porch. He looked sad. You could tell. You knew him better than anyone else in your life. He was putting on a mask, pretending like he was happy. But you could see it, the hollowness in his cheeks, the fact that he hadn’t shaved because of all the stubble on his face, his curly hair now long and unruly because he hadn’t gotten a haircut in awhile. He was wearing a simple white shirt tucked into a pair of jeans (unfortunately he still did look hot but you weren’t going to admit that)

He walked up to you guys with Jennie by his side. He gave you a glance but you didn't meet his eyes, quickly looking away. Jennie gave you a small wave and you returned it. It was kinda ironic because before you would focus on the fact that Jennie was with him but since you guys were friends now, you fixed your annoyance on Taehyung.

Taehyung and Jennie were talking to the group casually but about five minutes into the conversation, you couldn’t handle it anymore, pretending like everything was fine when it really wasn’t.

You slowly left the circle and leaned on the drinks table behind your group of friends, exhaling deeply.

Jimin walked over, grinning with his beautiful smile, “Hey”

He leaned against the table, standing right next to you, “Hi”

“Shitty party right?” Jimin said, chuckling.

“It just became shitty” you said, sipping your drink, eyeing Taehyung.

“I don't why he came here with her. He literally hasn’t properly spoken to her or seen her since last semester,” Jimin said sincerely.

“Ya well I don’t give a fuck. He can do whatever he wants. We aren’t even friends anymore,” You said harshly.

You and Jimin chatted a bit, and you almost forgot your annoyance at Taehyung. Then he walked over, with a stupid smirk on his face, “Excuse me __________ could you move? You’re standing in front of the drinks.”

You glared at him as you sipped your drink cooly, shrugging your shoulders, “Sucks.”

He towered over you, giving you an intimidating stare, slowly biting his lip, “C’mon _______ don’t be a bitch. Just move/”

Jimin stood up straight, “What the fuck did you just say to her?”

Taehyung gave you a cold laugh and raised his eyebrows teasingly, “Wow __________ you really need him to fight your battles?”

You knew that Taehyung was pissed at this point but you wanted to push his buttons further. You spoke in a calm tone, knowing that would make him even more annoyed, “I don’t, but he does have something called manners which is something that you could use.”

He leaned his face close to yours. You felt his breath tickling your neck as you got a whiff of his cologne, “Aww, I think you’re just salty _________”

You took a step towards him, not wanting him to get the satisfaction that he could intimidate you, “What could I possibly be salty about?”

Taehyung gave you a cocky smile, “Maybe that I’m here with Jennie. It must sting a little.”

You clenched your jaw. He had stepped over the line now. You knew exactly what he was trying to imply, that he had moved on with her. You were mad because he was once again just using Jennie for his own douchebag reasons. You looked Taehyung directly in the eye and scoffed, “You’re a fucking asshole.”

He put his hands up defensively, “Calm down _________ no need to make a scene.”

The amount of anger that flared in you in that moment was unprecedented. You wanted to embarrass him. You wanted to humiliate him. You wanted him to know how you felt right now.

Then an idea popped in your head. You gave him a small smile and spoke in a sweet, innocent voice, “Oh my gosh you’re right Taehyung. I shouldn’t make a scene.”

Then you dumped your entire blue drink on his white shirt and smiled. Taehyung's eyes widened as he looked at his ruined shirt and Jimin gasped in shock. The second you dropped your drink onto Taehyung, Jennie turned around and laughed at what you did. Taehyung's eyes met yours and you realized you might have gone too far. His eyes were dangerous and dark. But if you were going to be honest, it felt really fucking good to do that.

You shrugged and said sweetly, “Oops”

Taehyung growled, “What the fu-“

You crushed the red solo cup you were still clutching against his chest and let it drop to the ground, “Calm down Tae you wouldn’t want to make a scene, right?”

You smirked at him and walked away. You could hear Yoongi and Hobi laughing while Jimin was trying to apologize for your behavior.

Hana was able to find you on the couch a few minutes later.

She was laughing as she sat down next to you, “___________ that was so fucking hilarious.”

“I knew you would appreciate it.”

“It was good. I thought it was funny.”

You knew something was up because she had a concerned look in her eyes

“But...?” You asked cautiously

“How long is this going to go on between you and Taehyung?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean you guys used to be best friends. Are you guys just going to hate each other from now on?”

“I’m not the one who needs to make amends. He was an asshole to me.”

“Both of you need to make amends. You guys just need to talk. I’m not saying you guys should be besties again or anything but I think you guys need to learn how to be civil with one another. This shit can’t keep happening every time you see each other.”

“I’m not talking to him Hana.” You said forcefully.

She sighed and got up, defeated. After a few minutes she came back with a huge smile.

“Oh my gosh __________ I need to tell you something!”

“What?”

“We need to go somewhere private. No one else can hear,” She said tugging you from the couch.

You tried asking her questions as she dragged you but Hana wouldn’t budge.

She opened a door that revealed to be a closet and said, “Perfect. Let’s go in here.”

Hana pushed you in the closet and closed the door behind you two.

“Okay what’s going on Hana?”

She glanced at her phone as if she were waiting for a text or something, “oh um so...Jungkook told me that he loves me.”

“Really? Oh my gosh! Well, how do you feel about it?”

“Oh I told him I loved him back.”

“Did you mean it? Do you actually love him?”

“Of course! He’s kinda stupid but he’s so caring and he loves me so much.”

You wrinkled your eyebrows, confused, “Okay so what’s the problem? Why did you drag me into a closet to tell me this?”

Her phone buzzed, “I’ll be right back __________. Jungkook just texted me. Just stay right here, don’t leave.” She said as she left the closet, leaving you in the darkness.

You tapped your foot impatiently wondering what Hana was up to.

You heard hurried, rushed voices and then the door of the closer swung open. You heard a very familiar deep voice exclaim, “What the fuck Jimin? Why are you pushing me Into this closet?”

The closet door slammed shut.

You rolled your eyes, “You have got to be fucking with me.”

“___________?” Taehyung asked from the darkness next to you.

You banged on the door, “Hana I swear to god let me out right now.”

You heard her muffled voice, “No! You guys need to talk!”

Taehyung pounded on the door next to you, “Jimin I’m not fucking around. Open the door. Now.”

Jimin's voice sounded strained, “I’m sorry guys! But this is good for you! You guys need to figure your shit out.”

You sighed, leaning against the door, “I hate both of you.”

Taehyung whispered out hoarsely, breaking the silence “This is your fucking fault.”

You turned to face him, shocked at his accusation, “My fault? How is this my fault? You were the one being a complete douchebag!”

“You dumped your drink on me!” Taehyung exclaimed, pulling at his now blue stained shirt.

You stabbed your finger in his chest,“You were the one who was being rude first!”

“You went out with my best friend!”

You went quiet. What? Is he talking about Jimin? That was a while ago and even so, he has no right to care about who I go out with!

“Are you talking about Jimin?” You asked, annoyed.

“Who else posted you on their story with heart captions?” he scoffed.

“First of all, it's none of your business who I spend my time with. And second, not that it even matters, Jimin and I are just friends.”

He taunted, “Yea I’ve heard that one before.”

“Why the fuck do you even care Taehyung? We aren’t together, we aren’t even friends.”

He paused, trying to think of an answer, “Whatever. I don’t care. Do whatever you want. I just thought you were better than that.”

“Better than what? I'm so confused. I dont get why you are so angry with me. If anything, I'm the one who has the right to be angry right now.”

“You? Why do you get to be angry?”

“Because you broke my heart! And you're shoving it in my face. You're literally mocking my feelings. First you told me that my first kiss didn't matter, that it was only a kiss and I was making too much of it. And now you're here with Jennie, asking me if I feel jealous of her! Like how the fuck should I respond to that? All of your shitty actions made me realize that you don’t give a fuck about me and my feelings. I’m moving on from you Taehyung. You don’t want my love so I’m trying to move the fuck on. Isn’t this what you want?” You gasped out, holding back the tears forming in your eyes. You just had to let it all out, all of your hurt feelings that had been building up for the past couple of months.

He wasn’t looking at you, just staring at the wooden floors of the closet, “I dunno. I just never thought you would just start talking to new guys already. I thought you wanted love.”

“I’m not the romantic you think I am. I’m not looking for someone to make me complete or to make me feel like I’m worth something. I am complete on my own and I know my worth. I just want to be with someone who can give me the same amount of love and appreciate I have finally figured out how to give myself.”

He made eye contact with you finally, “So what, we’re just going to cut each other off? Completely? Don’t you want me?”

You breathed out, leaning against the door, “I want you but I want you to want me too. I fucking miss you all day every day and you can’t even imagine how pathetic it makes me feel because I don’t even know if you miss me back.”

His shoulder brushed against yours, his voice hoarse, “I've been a shitty friend. I'm sorry. I am really, really fucking sorry. We shouldn’t have kissed. I shouldn’t have kissed you. I don't regret it but I regret what it did to us. I regret how I acted afterwards. I’m so immature. I don't have feelings for Jennie. The only reason why I came tonight is because she told me you were coming. And I knew I just had to see you. But then when I saw you with Jimin, I just felt so jealous. Because that should have been me, we should have been here tonight, hanging out. But I fucked up. You told me you wanted those moments to be meaningful and I stole it from you. And that can’t be replaced. You deserve better than me, okay? But I want you back. I want us to be friends again. Because I’m fucking falling apart without you. I miss you so much. Please, can you forgive me? Can we be friends again?”

You looked into his huge brown doe eyes and your heart did a flip flop. Fuck I still love him. Even though pretending to not love him was exhausting, completely having him out of your life hurt a thousand times worse. God you were the biggest headass on the planet.

You cringed at your own words, “Yea Tae, we can be friends.”

He pulled you into a huge hug and didn't let go. You could feel your heart breaking in your chest, you could never tell him how much he’s hurt you.

———————————————————————————————————

You felt like you were getting a literal migraine because of the deja vu you were experiencing, again. Pretending to be friends with Taehyung while secretly pining for him. It had been around a month or so since you two had reconciled and agreed to be friends again.

But you still found yourself staring at him for too long when you sat at the picnic benches to do work, you still found your heart beating too fast whenever he would lean in close to you, you still found yourself in love with him.

However, it was different this time because there was no ‘what if’ or ‘maybe’. He didn't love you the way you wanted him to. If you were going to be honest, you did appreciate knowing this. It made it easier to try to move on. Taehyung did have one thing wrong: you weren’t talking to new guys. Your method of moving on consisted of trying to remember the hurt things he did to you to stop yourself from falling further in the pit of despair. But for him, you could pretend like you were happy when you were actually sad; for him, you could pretend like you were strong when you were actually hurt.

You were pretty sure he thought you didn't love him anymore. He acted completely normal around you, going on as if you two hadn’t had the biggest fall out in your friendship. It helped, you guessed, pretending. It was something you were both good at.

You were sitting on your bed when your phone buzzed. It was a snap from Taehyung. You opened and groaned when you saw his snapchat. Taehyung had the infuriating habit of sending suggestive snaps. It was almost always a blurry selfie, very clearly indicating that he was shirtless (he told you he didn't see a reason to wear a shirt if he was in the comfort of his own room). You couldn’t help but feel your heart skip a beat when you caught a glimpse of his well defined collarbones. It was so on brand of him, to tease you like this. Luckily, he did have something actual to say and it wasn’t just a shirtless snap.

He added the caption r u busy Saturday.

There was a nagging thought in your head that you had something planned on Saturday but you couldn’t remember.

You snapped back a picture of your ceiling uhh I don’t think so.

Right away he responded (with another blurry selca) come to the soccer banquet w me

Oh shit. The soccer banquet. You had completely forgotten. Jimin had told you about the banquet last week while you two were waiting for biology class to start. He asked you if you wanted to go with him. You said maybe but Jimin told you that Taehyung was planning on asking you. Going with Jimin immediately sounded like a better option. You really just wanted to maintain some sort of distance from Taehyung, it made it easier to ignore the heartbreak. You ended up agreeing to go with Jimin as friends.

you typed i kinda forgot but jimin actually asked me to go w him and i said ok.

he sent a clear picture of his face, his curly hair looking very fluffy oh, ok. have fun.

Fuck he was definitely mad. You nervously bit your lip, thinking if you should go with Taehyung and cancel with Jimin.

You: taehyung just asked me about Saturday. He seemed kinda annoyed that I was going w u

Jimin: ah that makes sense. I just walked into the kitchen and he was eating my leftover dumplings.

You: I don’t want him to be upset.

You: ugh maybe I just won’t go

Jimin: he just gets pouty sometimes it’s not a big deal

You: what if he shows up w a date? idk if i wanna see that

Jimin: it'll be ok. He might not even go anymore. I’ll tell u if he says anything

You tried to occupy yourself with homework and studies so you wouldn’t frantic over the banquet. By the time the banquet day rolled around, Jimin heard nothing from Taehyung. He tried to reassure you that there was little chance Taehyung would actually show up since he hadn’t talked to any of the BTS members about it.

Hana also tried to calm your nerves as she helped you get ready but she had to leave you a bit early so she could help Jungkook (apparently the man was incapable of knotting a bowtie). She told you that she would finish her makeup and get dressed at his room so she would see you there.

You stared at yourself in the mirror, trying to think in positive thoughts. You were attempting to follow through on your mindset change and trying not to only focus on your insecurities. You combed through the loose waves in your hair, adjusting your soft pink tulle skirt. Jimin texted you that he was outside so you left your room quickly, just wanting for this night to be over already.

He flashed his gorgeous smile at you, opening the car door for you, “You look so pretty __________.”

You gave him a weak smile, knowing he was just saying that to be nice, “Thank you Jimin. You look good too. I like your sunglasses.”

He walked around to the other side of the car and drove to the banquet. Once you got there, you realized this event was insanely fancy. Since the BTS guys won the championship, they were essentially the guests of honor, with a few other teams receiving recognition for their own achievements. Jimin explained to you the different awards that would be presented tonight and told you a bit about the other teams. When he kept on droning on about the different roles of the midfielder position, you glanced around the large hall, a bit bored from Jimin’s monologue when you spotted him. I thought he wasn’t coming! He was alone, hands shoved in his pocket, walking coolly.

You internally groaned when you felt your heart skip a beat when you saw his fluffy hair. He was wearing black slacks, a soft pink collared shirt, and a white coat jacket with a black carnation pinned to it (191029 Taehyung). Once again, your thoughts immediately ran to “oh shit he’s hot.” His eyes met yours for a split second and you pretended not to see him, turning to listen back into Jimin’s lecture on soccer.

After 15 more minutes of explaining the technicalities of shooting a goal, Jimin patted your shoulder softly, “I’ll go get us some drinks. I’ll be back.”

You nodded at him and looked for Hana. You saw her sitting at a table with Jungkook so you walked over, not wanting to bump into Taehyung.

“Hey!” She said giving you a hug. Hana looked stunning as always. She was wearing a deep red, long silk dress with a slit running from Her upper thigh. You saw that Jungkook's bowtie matched her dress.

You smiled at her, “How do you get prettier Hana? It’s not fair for the rest of us plebs.”

“Shut up. You look gorgeous. Trying to impress someone tonight?” She said teasingly, looking in the direction of Jimin.

You chuckled “oh no. We’re just friends. He asked me here as friends.”

She looked unconvinced, “Rightt.”

You heard a voice go “ahem” behind you. You turned around at the sound of the familiar voice and saw Taehyung smirking at you.

“Hey _________”

“Oh. Hey. “ You said nonchalantly.

“Where’s Jimin?” Taehyung's eyes sparkled mischievously .

“He went to go get me a drink. He’s such a gentleman.” you said, trying to push his buttons a bit.

He smiled, playing along with your game, “Of course. Except for the fact that he’s never had a steady relationship. And that he’s even more of a fuckboi than me.”

You rolled your eyes, “Taehyung you should probably go back to your date.”

He leaned in close, his breath tickling your neck and whispered huskily “You’re cute when you're jealous.”

Your face immediately reddened and you got up hastily, “Jimin’s probably waiting for me.”

He pulled your arm back to face him, “If you must know, I came alone tonight. The only girl who I wanted to go with conveniently already had a date for tonight.”

You retorted back, snarkily, “If you must know, Jimin asked me properly, not the day before and through snapchat.”

You stormed away, infuriated at your own feelings and how you easily could fall for his one liners. You found Jimin talking with Namjoon, his girlfriend, and Yoongi. He smiled when he saw you, “Oh sorry. I just got a bit caught up. I have your drink.” He gave you a clear glass with a pink liquid, “It’s punch. No alcohol. Don’t worry.”

Namjoon was talking about how he did not want to TA for biology lab next semester since the experience was a bit traumatizing, dealing with frantic and stressed out students at very inconvenient hours (you definitely being one of those students). Yoongi berated him for even signing up for such a draining job along with soccer and studies.

You spotted Taehyung from the corner of your eye, slowly inching into the conversation, first talking to Yoongi then Namjoon and his girlfriend.

You were trying to focus on what Jimin was saying but you found yourself listening in Taehyung's conversation.

You overheard him talking casually, “Yea I’m thinking about shaving my head. It’s just my hair has gotten way too long and curly. I can’t manage it”

Your heart stopped. Not the curly hair. You were literally obsessed with his hair, and he knew it.

You burst out from across the conversation, “Oh my god don’t touch your hair!”

He smirked and winked at you and you closed your eyes in embarrassment: you gave him exactly what he wanted, your attention.

Yoongi laughed “Damn __________ really likes your hair then Taehyungie. Guess you can’t cut it now.”

You felt your face redden even more when Jimin laughed at Yoongi's comment.

Ugh Taehyung was pushing all your buttons. You walked away, annoyed at his behavior. You found a spot where there were little to no people and leaned on the cool marble wall, just observing the party from a distance. You saw Jungkook and Hana on the dance floor. Once again, you couldn’t help but feel a tad bit jealous. You wanted that and you wanted it with Taehyung. Hana threw her head back in laughter as Jungkook attempted to dance with her.

“He’s always been shit at slow dancing,” You heard the voice behind you say. You already knew he would come and find you. He must want something otherwise why else would he be following you around like a lost puppy dog?

You didn't bother to look back at him, “Yea this is like the fourth time he’s stepped on Hana’s toes. I'm surprised she hasn’t kicked him in the shins yet.”

You felt his shoulder brush against yours, “It's bound to happen at this rate.”

You laughed softly about to say something but you found yourself getting interrupted.

A pretty girl that you didn't recognize came up to you two, extending her hand out to him, “Taehyung right?”

He smiled sheepishly, shaking her hand awkwardly, “Uh yea. Sorry I don't know who you are. We didn't hook up right?”

She giggled, “No we didn't. I'm actually from Central University.”

“Ooh the rival school.”

She nodded, “Yep. I just wanted to introduce myself. I’m Yuna. If you're ever at Central for a game, you should totally let me know.”

You rolled your eyes, once again you found yourself in a situation where Taehyung was blatantly flirting in front of you. You blew on a dangling strand of hair that covered your eye.

“Um sure. I'll let you know.”

She put her hand on her hip, “Great. Just dm me on Instagram.” She then walked away, completely ignoring the fact that you were standing right next to Taehyung the entire time. You couldn't help but feel insecure: why would she expect someone like Taehyung to be with someone like you? It didn't make sense. That's why she thought she could flirt with him and pretend like you were completely irrelevant, because you were.

He looked at you, “Wow that was kinda weird.”

You crossed your arms, “Was it? I mean she just wanted to flirt with you.”

“She was flirting with me?”

You blew on the strand of hair again, “God you're dense.”

He shrugged, clearly not wanting to get into it, “Wanna dance?”

You shook your head, as you began to watch Jungkook and Hana again, “Not interested.”

“Not interested in dancing? Or not interested in dancing with me?”

“Both I guess.”

“So if Jimin asked you to dance, would you say no?”

“Why does it matter if it's Jimin?”

“It's just a question,” Taehyung said defensively.

Your tone came out accusatory, “If it's just a question, then why do you care so much about the answer? Why are you following me around? Do you want something from me?”

“I don't want anything. I just want to talk to you. I just don't get why you came here with Jimin and not me. Is he your boyfriend or something like I just don't understand. Why did you choose him over me?”

You looked over your shoulder and you found him staring at the marble, hands shoved deep in his pockets. You wanted to shout “I did choose you but you didn't want me” but you saw the hurt look on his face and simply sighed deeply, “I didn't choose anyone. He just asked me first.”

“Okay.” He paused for a moment then looked at you, “I'm sorry for being pushy.”

“I’m sorry too. I'm just tired. I didn't really wanna come here tonight. And I guess I feel kinda shitty.”

He looked up, “Why?”

You spoke softly, “I didn’t get to come here with the guy I really wanted to.”

Taehyung’s eyes met yours and the corner of his mouth lifted up in a smirk, “There's my strawberry girl.”

You rolled your eyes at him, “You're so annoying.”

“Nope. I heard it. You said I was your first choice. You must not really think I'm annoying.”

“I think you are extensively annoying.”

“Hey! At least I didn't throw gatorade all over you.”

“I already said sorry for that! And for your information, it was blue hawaiian punch and sprite. And Hobi made it. So if anything you should be getting mad at him.”

“Alright, next time I see him, I'll throw blue hawaiian punch at him.”

“Go ahead. I will not be stopping you. But I will also not be responsible for him dislocating your shoulder.”

He winced in pain as he rolled his shoulder, “Ugh, he doesnt need to that since I already dislocated the stupid thing myself.”

You wrinkled your eyebrows in concern, “Why? What happened? What did you do?”

He laughed nervously, “Well, Jimin was trying to teach me how to do like a front roll and I kinda ended up putting too much weight on my right shoulder and it fucking hurts every time I move it.”

“Did you go to the nurse? Did you ice it? Have you taken tylenol or ibuprofen?”

“Um, no, no, and no”

“What the fuck Taehyung! Why didn't you do anything? Did you not tell anyone?”

“Uhhh, no I didn't tell anyone”

You punched his left arm, “Why not?”

“Ow! Don't dislocate the other one!” he rubbed his arm where you punched him, “Because…I didn't want anyone to worry.”

“Well I'm worrying right now!”

Then he had the audacity to give his boxy smile to you, “I know and it's honestly pretty adorable.”

You crossed your arms and scoffed, “Oh my god, you are insufferable.”

“It's not a big deal ___________ .I'll be fine.”

You asked, “Are you in pain right now?”

He massaged his shoulder and winced again, “Eh it's fine. I can manage.”

You pulled his arm, “Cmon lets go. Let me take a look and see if it's actually dislocated and if it's bad we can go to the nurse tomorrow.”

“Where are we going?” he said trailing behind you.

“Lets just go back to your dorm. It's closer and I'm betting you have more medicine than I have.”

You made your way through the crowd before remembering that you should probably tell Hana you're leaving, “Uh Taehyung, can you get the car and meet me by the front? I just need to say bye to Hana really quick”

He nodded and let go of your hand.

You glanced around the hall and saw Hana by the drinks with Jungkook and some of the other guys.

You walked over to her, “Hey Hana! Im gonna leave now.”

She looked around and then giggled, “Ooh are you leaving?”

You nodded, not sure what she was trying to imply.

She laughed again, wriggling her eyebrows, “Are you going to leave with him?”

“Um..” You didn't want to tell her that you were leaving with Taehyung because she would not let you do that but you didn't want to lie to her, “Uh um actually I j-“

She cut you off, “Oh my gosh I'm so excited for you. Jimin is so sweet. Have fun!!”

You thought about clarifying the situation to her but it was whatever now. You would explain in the morning.

As you walked away, you turned around and saw Hana smiling widely and Jungkook giving you a thumbs up. God this is so embarrassing. But you didnt know what was worse: having them think you were going to have sex with Park Jimin when you really weren’t or having them realize you were going with Taehyung, your unrequited love.

You walked out of the building and found Taehyung in his car, waiting for you. You quickly got in, not wanting anyone to see you and he drove away.

He pulled up to the frat house and he led you to his room. For once, you didn't feel anxious. You were only here to see if his shoulder was okay. And then you would leave to go to your dorm. And not think about how much you wanted to kiss him.

You raided their medicine cabinet and found some Tylenol and some muscle pain reliever cream.

You re-entered his bedroom and saw him facing his closet, back towards you.

Your mouth went dry when he took off his white coat and began to unbutton his shirt. He removed his shirt to reveal his honey colored skin.

You quickly looked away when you heard him unzipping his pants. God why is he so comfortable with taking off his clothes in front of me? You tried to distract yourself with your phone but you couldn’t help but peak. He pulled on a plain navy blue short sleeved shirt and remained in his forest green boxers. He walked over, messing with his curly hair, and sat down on the edge of the bed, right next to you. Now you started to feel your heart pound again, his closeness was making it hard for you to stay calm. You hated the effect he had on you. He could make you nervous without even trying.

Taehyung spoke, chuckling, “Are you okay? Your cheeks are kinda pink.”

“I’m fine. Now let me just see your shoulder.”

You slowly pressed on his shoulder and he groaned in pain. You bit your lip, thinking about what to do.

“Can you um take off your shirt? I just want to see if th-“

He excitedly took it off, “You don't have to ask me twice.”

You couldn’t help but roll your eyes. You tried to focus on his shoulder and not get distracted by his really attractive body. You scanned his shoulder and found a huge bruise on the back of his shoulder.

“Okay so good news I don’t think it's dislocated. There's just a huge bruise here. Which I cannot believe you didn’t notice since it’s the size of my hand.”

“Well your hand is small so..”

“Shut up. Anyways, I think you just have to leave it and let it heal on its own. You can put this cream on and it can help with the pain and also take Tylenol.”

“Can you put the cream on me? Please?” he whined.

“God you're so an-“

“I know I know I'm annoying. Now pleaseee!”

You put some of the cream on your hand and put it on his shoulder.

“Done.”

“You didn't even rub it in!”

You really were not interested in rubbing your hands all over his chest, “Taehyung, can't you just do it?”

“It's literally on my back I can't reach it! Pleaseee!”

You huffed, annoyed at his puppy dog eyes that could literally convince you to do anything. You slowly rubbed the cream on his shoulder, trying hard not to think how soft his skin felt, how toned his body was, and how his body was literally radiating so much heat, making your entire face flush.

“Your hands are literally so soft __________. I should hire you to do massages for me.”

You chuckled nervously, trying to hide your blushing face, “Well for you it would be $1000.”

You wiped your hands on a napkin, “Anyways, I should go. I'm sure you’ve got someone to meet.” You started to get up, but he pulled you back next to him.

“I have nothing to do. Just sit with me. We never hang out anymore. I mean it's usually never just the two of us.”

Why the fuck does he have to do this? Why is he still acting so flirty? Doesn't he know it hurts me?

You felt the anxiety building up in your heart, you just really, really fucking wanted to get over him. You sat on the bed, a little too close to him for your taste.

“Can I tell you a secret _________?” he said leaning back on his bed, pulling on his shirt.

“What?”

He gave you his iconic teasing smirk, “You were my first crush.”

He was yours too. Kinda pathetic right? You loved him since 3rd grade and here you are, so many years later, still in love with him.

“I didn't know that,” you said, adjusting your sitting position. You rested your head comfortably against the headboard, crossing your legs.

“Yep, I had a crush on you in second grade. And third grade. and also fourth. Then in 5th grade, all the boys collectively decided girls were gross so I had to pretend I didn't like you.” He said, scooting so his shoulder was pressing against yours.

You chuckled, “I remember that. You told me I had cooties and that we couldn’t hang out anymore.”

“Yea I was kinda stupid then.”

“Just then?” You said teasingly.

He ruffled his hair, “Okay I’m still kinda stupid. But I got better with girls.”

You felt a pang to your heart. He got better with girls and fell out of his crush for you because he probably came to the not so surprising conclusion that there were so many other pretty girls. Obviously his crush on you was because you were just children, nothing that actually meant anything real. His feelings for you were absolutely none existent now. You had to keep reminding yourself of that.

“Is that why you used to pick flowers from the neighbor’s garden for me?” You said, recalling your younger days with Taehyung

He nodded, laughing “Yea I didn't really know how to impress you but I noticed you would always talk about how pretty their flowers were. And thus the romancing began.”

“I appreciated the flowers for sure, not so much all the teasing.” You were fiddling with your hands, recalling how Taehyung used to pull at your braids or do stupid things like get detention just to get your attention.

Taehyung shrugged, “Don't you know ____________ that's how boys flirt. They tease the girls they like, just so they can see them blush and smile.”

“Hmm I guess. Jungkook did that to Hana a lot, and he honestly still teases her. it's so cute.”

“Hey! Whenever i tease you, you just punch me or call me fucking annoying.”

“It's different.”

“How?”

“Cause you're not flirting with me. You're just teasing me cuz we’re friends. So its different.”

“What if I told you that I tease you to see that cute blush on your face?”

This was getting too much. You couldn’t take it. He was doing the same exact shit again. You couldn’t handle being his friend if he was going to act like this. You knew Taehyung was a naturally flirty person but it was different now. You had actual feelings for him and he didn't so all of this teasing and flirting was just shoving your heartbreak back into your face. If this friendship was going to last, you needed to set some boundaries with him. The old you wouldn't have done this. Before, you would have just brushed it off, ignoring all of his flirty comments. But you were going to put yourself and your feelings first now.

You spoke seriously, “Taehyung, I can't be your friend if you're going to act like this. You can't flirt with me okay? Friends don’t flirt with each other. Friends are just friends and nothing more. This is what you wanted so please make this easier for me.”

The mischievousness and the dangerous flirtiness disappeared replaced with your weakness, his innocent huge doe eyes, “Oh. I'm sorry. I didn't realize.”

You stared at your hands in your lap, “It's okay.”

You looked at him and gave him a reassuring smile. Taehyung slowly bit his lip and leaned his face close to yours, “Do you still like me?”

You were taken aback by his closeness, “Of course I like you, I mean we are still friends.”

He leaned in even closer, his nose touching yours, his breath tickling your neck, “No, I mean do you like me, like me? Are you still in love with me?”

Your heart was beating out of your chest, you felt like you couldn’t breathe, he was so close to your face. You couldn’t lie to him, he would know right away. Looking deep into his eyes, you softly nodded.

He broke into his boxy grin and licked his lips, his gaze dropping to your lips, “Good, because it will make this a lot easier.”

Then he kissed you. Hard. He pushed you into the pillows on the bed, his legs planted on each side of your hips, his body pressing into yours all while kissing you deeply. Your entire body was electrified, buzzing. It felt so good again, so comforting, so natural. One of his hands traveled to your face, cupping your cheek while the other pressed into the curve of your waist. Your hands immediately twisted into his curls. His lips were warm and soft, just like you remembered. He softly bit your lower lip and you gasped, providing him an opportunity to slip his tongue into your mouth. You couldn’t help but moaned against his mouth when you felt his tongue. Taehyung rasped into your ear, sending shivers through your body, “Fuck you’re beautiful.” He pushed his chest against yours, kissing you deeper as if he was trying to get closer.

You broke the kiss, the flavor of strawberry still tingling on your lips, completely out of breath, your heart hammering. You looked up at him hovering above you, his lips swollen from kissing you, “Tae, what..? I’m confused. I cant be your fuck buddy or something. I have feelings for you and I know you don't lo-“

He stopped your sentence by kissing your lips softly and slowly. He pulled away slowly, his eyes dancing with excitement. He kissed your cheek sweetly. He spoke, his voice deep and melodic, “I love you ____________”

Your eyes widened in disbelief, you laughed nervously as you sat up properly, “No, no, you don't love me Taehyung. You don't have feelings for me. You told me that.”

He settled next to you as he took your hands in his, “I told you that I was confused and that I wasn’t sure. I never said that I didn't have any feelings for you.”

You shook your head, remembering what Hana told you, “Taehyung if you said you were confused, it means you didn't have feelings. People say they are confused when they are trying to be nice. If you had real feelings for me, then you wouldn’t be confused, you would know that.”

His words came out as a whisper, “I know it now. I know I love you. All these years, I grew to be in love with you and I think I fell in love with you but I didn’t realize it until you told me how you felt. I realized once you weren’t in my life anymore, everything felt different. I didn’t realize I loved you until I did. And I don’t love the idea of you. I love you. Your smiles, your laughs, the way you say fuck in every sentence, The way you call me headass. I love you more than you could possibly understand.”

For the first time, you were completely speechless. You looked around and blinked a few times just to make sure that you weren’t in a dream. Actually what would be worse is if he took it all back. Just like how he did with the first kiss. You were literally on cloud 9 and then he broke the reality to you that he didn't have feelings for you.

He spoke again “I don't know if this is too much right now but if you want I can give you space. i can give you time. I can give you all the time in the world because I'll wait for you. Cause frankly the way that I see it, you and me? We’re Inevitable.”

Your hand came up to his cheek, “Taehyung, are you being serious? Are you telling me the truth right now? Do you actually love me? I just…I don't know what I would do if you didn't mean every word you just said right now.”

“I'm sorry _________. I was scared of my feelings. That's why I acted the way I did. The way I feel about you is like nothing I’ve felt before, so I was scared. And I was confused. But I do love you. Everything that happens to you matters to me. You're worth everything and more to me. And I want this. I want you. So badly.”

Your heart swelled, you couldn’t think properly not only because he kissed you but also because of his confession that you waited for since high school. You cupped his cheek and whispered hoarsely, “Kiss me…please.”

Taehyung then rolled on top of you, pinning you underneath him. He gave you a smirk that made your heart skip a beat and pressed his soft lips against yours once again. He went slowly this time as if he were trying to memorize your lips. Your hands wrapped around his neck, trying to bring him closer to you. The hand on your waist traveled to the outside of your thigh and he slowly wrapped your leg around his waist, pushing his body into yours. He pushed his tongue into your mouth eagerly, and his hand on your leg slowly traveled up your body just until his thumb grazed the underside of your breast. You unconsciously arched up into his touch as your breath hitched at the contact, never having been touched there before. He growled softly, “Fuck, you’re such a good girl.”

You whimpered as you melted against his plushy lips. His lips left yours as he softly kissed your jaw. Your heart began to pound, you knew where this was going but you were scared. You had never done this before and he had dozens of times with much more beautiful girls. Your anxiety began to crawl over your mind and you exhaled uncomfortably. He felt your body tense so he removed his lips from your jaw.

He spoke softly, “Hey, are you okay? We don't have to do anything. We can just sit on the bed and chill.”

You tried to control your breathing, “No it's not that. I want to but…I'm nervous. i've never done this before. and you have. a lot. with much more pretty girls. I just…I’m scared..I have no idea what I'm doing.”

Taehyung kissed your cheek, then your forehead, then your lips. He looked deep into your eyes, “You’re beautiful, you know that? Like ridiculously stunning. It's honestly not fair. But I also want you to know I love you for you. The way my heart skips a beat when you talk about what you're passionate about, the way you know what exactly to say to me, the way you aren’t afraid of calling people out on their bullshit. You're my dream girl. Also don't worry about not knowing what to do. Let me take care of you.”

You nodded softly, your heart completely elated at his words. You had never felt like this before, so loved, so wanted, so warm, “Okay.”

He slowly began to trace his lips along your jaw and neck, sucking and biting softly with the hot and open mouth kisses. Your mind was completely hazy as you sighed deeply, heart racing. You heard him whisper “mine” into your skin in between kisses and soft bites.

He made his way back to your lips. You uncontrollably moaned into his lips when he licked into your mouth. Taehyung groaned softly, “Fuck you taste so good.” He bit on your lower lip again when his hips pressed into yours. You moaned his name breathlessly, your cheeks completely red, feeling embarrassed at how desperate you sound.

He stopped kissing you for a moment and you realized you were completely out of breath. You looked up at him, his pupils were completely blown, his curly hair a mess, a glint of adoration in his eyes. You tugged at his shirt, “Can you take this off?”

Taehyung kissed your forehead, “Of course princess.” He pulled off his shirt and looked at you with his sincere eyes, “Whenever you want to stop, we can stop, tonight is about you.”

You nodded, knowing he would immediately pause whenever you started to feel nervous or anxious. Your words tumbled out when you saw his defined golden body, “You're so hot”

He immediately cupped your face, pulling you in for a needy kiss. He broke away for a moment, “I’ve waited so long to hear those words from you.”

You smiled shyly, “I've always thought you were hot. I just never wanted to tell you.”

He kissed you softly, “What else do you like about me? What do you love about me?”

You tried to hide a smile, looking up at him, “um..”

He gave a fake gasp, “Um?!”

Your cheeks twinged red and you began to ramble, “Sorry! I know what I love about you but it's hard for me to pinpoint. I love just everything. Your personality, you're so kind and sweet and gentle and you make me feel like I matter. You listen to me, like actually listen and care. I mean you're the one I think about as I lie awake at night. I also love how yo-“

He cut you off with a kiss and pulled away delicately, “You are so cute.”

You anchored one of your hands in his hair and one around his neck, pressing your lips against his, warmth coursing through your body. Your eyes rolled back as his hips rolled against yours. He whispered, his voice low and husky, “Fuck, you’re so needy for me.” He continued to place open mouth kisses on your lips, his hands remaining your waist, pressing into your body.

You trembled as you moaned breathlessly when you felt his fingers slip underneath your shirt, skimming the waistband of your underwear. You couldn’t stop panting into his mouth. you felt his breath tickled your neck, nipping gently, when he praised, “You're being so good for me.”

You were completely intoxicated in his touch, sucking on his bottom lip, responding to his praises with soft moans of his name, with one leg of yours wrapped around his waist.

“Tae.”

“Yes princess?”

“I want you.”

“You have me.”

“No I want you, want you.”

His eyes blinked in realization of what you were saying. He kissed your lips softly again, one hand on your cheek, the other twirling your hair, “Are you sure?”

“Yes”

“Just because you say yes now doesn’t mean you can't say no later. So whenever you want to stop, we stop.”

You nodded, reassuring him you would definitely let him know if you wanted to stop. But you knew you wouldn’t want to. You had wanted this so badly for so long. You trusted him completely, he was your best friend and the only guy you had ever loved.

Taehyung flashed his boxy smile at you. He tilted your chin as he kissed you deeply. He spoke in his deep voice, sending trembles through your body, “I can’t wait to fucking wreck you.”

———————————————————————————————————

You tapped your foot impatiently, waiting by the entrance of the building, leaning on the cream colored column.

He was late. Of course he was late. Even though you reminded him this morning about your plans together. You looked at your phone for the third time in the past ten minutes. No text yet.

You heard the rumblings of thunder, indicating it was going to rain soon. You sighed and stepped into the building, tired of waiting for him. You placed your purse in the x-ray and stepped through the scanner. You walked around and found a bench in front of a large photograph depicting two modestly dressed women looking at each other on beige steps. You stared at the photograph for a few minutes, wishing that the person who would appreciate it the most was here next to you. You felt a tap on your shoulder so you looked to your right and then heard his voice from your left, “Hi.”

You crossed your arms, annoyed, “You're late.”

His curly hair was messy, and he was still breathing heavily as if he just ran all the way here. He sat down next to you and he kissed your cheek, “I know, I know. I'm sorry. I got caught up with Jimin. We were playing smash and then I forgot about the time.”

“Taehyung, I planned this because it was something you were excited about.”

He cupped your cheek, “I know and I thoroughly appreciate it. You're way too good for me.”

You couldn’t help but blush, “Shut the fuck up. I'm mad at you.”

“Aww you're adorable.” he smirked at you, “Nice hickey, by the way,”

You gasped, clasping your hands over your neck. You felt your face heating up, scandalized by his actions, “Taehyung! I told you not to make it so visible. This is so embarrassing.”

“Sorry but not really. I like seeing you blush.” He tugged on your arm, lifting you up from the bench, “Now c'mon, lets go look around. It's not everyday I get to walk around a photography museum with my girlfriend.”

After spending a few hours walking through each and every exhibit in the museum, you were thoroughly exhausted. Taehyung held your hand as you walked out of the museum. It was getting dark, with the soft light of the street lamps giving a warm glow. it was sprinkling, giving the air a cool misty tinge.

Taehyung sat on the wooden bench facing the gardens outside the museum, and pulled you onto his lap. It started to rain harder but the pitter patter of the rain drops on the cobblestone was comforting, reminding you of home. He looked at you with his huge eyes that were sparkling in the dim moonlight.

You smiled, “What?”

He returned your smile, “Nothing. I just can't believe I get to date my best friend.”

You tried to hide your smile, “You're so mushy.”

He leaned in close to you, “What? I can't say romantic things to my strawberry girl?”

You pressed your lips against his, warmth coursing through your body. He whispered softly, “Your lips are so soft, I could kiss them all day.”

You smiled against his lips, kissing him once more.

“___________”

“Yes?”

“I want you to know, It was always you. You’re my beginning and my end.”

You rested your forehead against his, feeling his hands planted on your hips, “From the moment you called me strawberry girl, I knew it was always you.”

Taehyung looked at you with concern in his eyes, “Are you sure?”

“Sure about what?”

“About loving me.”

You leaned away to study his face, “Of course I’m sure. Why do you ask?”

“I’m scared...that you might love me now but in a few years you might hate me...you might fall out of love with me...that you won’t want me anymore. What happens if you see a side of me that makes you not want me anymore? I can’t help but wonder what I will do if you don’t want me.”

You cupped his face in your hands, speaking seriously, “I’ll always want you. I’ll always love you. I always have loved you. Even when we fight, even when we say horrible things to each other, we somehow always make our way back to each other. I know you, I’ve seen every side of you good and bad and I want it all.”

He held your hands that were pressed against his face and said gently, “It’s kinda hard for me to put into words but I love you in ways I have never loved anyone else.”

You rested your forehead against his, letting the rain tickle your cheeks as your lips pressed against his.

author’s note: i love the rain aesthetic; its so comforting and romantic (esp the idea of kissing in the rain) anyways thank you to everyone for reading. i really, really never thought anyone would be reading my writing, much less relate and invest in strawberry girl so thank you to everyone who has been following along w the story! i wanted to make the mc as realistic as possible and insecurities is something that we all have to face. bts has been such an important symbol of self love and im so thankful for that bc theyve changed the lives of so many armys! im rambling lol ty for reading and i hope you all enjoyed the final part of strawberry girl. 🥺💜💜💜💜💜💜💜

tags: @fleurmoon @tangledsparkles @chocolatebelievercrusade @brokenobserver @ncitydreamies @soulstaes @bonnyskies @thelilbutifulthings @busansgloss @imluckybitches @xlectrahearts @embrace-themagic @bts-dreamybaby @belshka @trinbin039 @xxlostinseoul @sheislikearock @madjammil @guksflavor @yn-the-reader @kingjvngins @ggukkieland @waves-and-woods @aa-ronpa @agabud @n-dingscene @daydreamersblog @dionysusrage @coolinwbu

#strawberry girl #bts #bts fanfic #bts fanfiction #bangtan sonyeondan #bts x reader #bts x yn #kim taehyung #taehyung #taehyung hot #taehyung fanfic #taehyung x reader #taehyung fluff #taehyung angst #bts scenarios #taehyung scenarios #taehyung fanfiction #bts imagines

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iwantitiwriteit · 4 years

Text

Love Lockdown - Part 5

Back to December - Part 1

Pairing: Chris Evans x Reader

Summary: In the December prior to the pandemic, you spend Christmas with Chris in Boston, a first time meeting between you and his extended family. You struggle with implications of seriousness this milestone has on your relationship with Chris.

Warnings: Angst, Pandemic backdrop, Profanity, healthy dose of Fluff, sprinkle of Sexual suggestiveness

Notes: So much was really working against me getting this up for y’all lol, but nothing worth having comes easy, right? Anyways, tried some new stuff I learned in some articles I read, more showing, less telling. Allusions and metaphors. We’ll see how it comes across. Christmas in October anyone? Read the previous part here!

The ding DONG of the doorbell echoes so exaggeratedly, it had to have been your imagination. No, I’m really here now. With your blood pumping loudly in your ears, you stare straight ahead at the barrier to entry, and seemingly to your happy future.

A Christmas-covered front door shouldn’t cause you this much stress, but here you were, feeling mocked by smiling snowmen and delicate, origami snowflakes.

You try to focus instead on one of the many thoughts flurrying your mind.

What if they hate me? Valid question, but sooo not the vibe right now. You go for another.

What if I hate THEM? Nice. None of these thoughts are stilling your rapidly beating heart.

“Ow! Loosen up the vice grip, will ya?”

“Oh,” you look down at where yours and Chris’ glove-clad hands are joined, releasing them almost instantly. “I’m sor—“

“It’s alright, babe,” Chris chuckles. As if you could muster a strength close enough to hurt this man. He’s sure not to let your hand get too far, taking it back into his and bringing it up to his rosy lips for a chaste kiss.

You wish you could feel it, the warmth of his lips on your knuckles, but that would mean braving the Boston blitz without a piece of your knit armour. You’re not sure you’re ready for that. You’re also not sure how he does it. He’s wearing significantly less layers than you, yet he’s perfectly content as if it’s a Summer’s day, while you are, quite literally, quaking in your boots.

He notices your shivering shoulders, knows it’s not just the cold getting to you. With his right hand in your left, and his left hand wrapped around a gift, he nudges you with his words.

“Hey,” he starts, but sees the opulent wreath on the door still has your attention. “Hey you,” he tries again. You finally look up at him. You lock your widened eyes with his ocean calm ones as he scans your face. Your brows could almost touch with how deeply furrowed you have them and your lips are fixed in a tight line.

“Typically it takes a lot to get my girl all nervous and whatnot,” he states, but you knew it was more of a question of what's up with you.

“Yeah, well… I’m not nervous, Chris.”

“Really? Cos the bruise on my hand would say otherwise,” he jokes.

You roll your eyes at him trying not to laugh. “Even if I was nervous, which I’m not, could you blame me? This is a lot. This is big. This... This is your family.” Your features soften and voice drops in volume. “I don’t wanna fuck it up.”

“Impossible.”

“You sure? Think I already did by taking this long,” you mumbled. You look away, unable to hold Chris' intense gaze anymore. Being in front of his childhood home, for the first time since you’ve started dating over 2 years ago, you can’t help but feel… guilty.

No use in taking the conversation there at this moment. Especially knowing that lately it led to some sort of shouting match. The ‘I can’t’s’ and ‘next time’s’ didn’t suffice anymore.

Chris only responds with a sigh as he rings the doorbell for the second time. He looks back over to you, a snowflake floating then landing on your lash. You’re unaware of how whimsical you look to him. How well you’re going to fit in with his family and friends.

He takes his thumb to brush the snowflake off and cup your cheek. Watching as you swallow thickly, Chris moves his thumb to your throat to massage away the lump you try to move on your own. You relax into his touch, and he flicks his eyes down to your gently smiling lips then back up to your eyes. You know what he’s silently asking. Placing your hand on his wrist was your silent answer. He leans in slowly, and you wish you could stay like this, just for a little while longer. But all good things...

“Uncle Chris!” a youthful voice exclaims as the door swings open. Chris swiftly removes his suggestive hand from your neck and himself from your personal space. He prays there’s some mistletoe hanging inside.

“Hey Kiddo!” Chris huffs out as he picks the child up, replacing her spot on the floor with the present in his hand. She goes to wrap her small arms around his neck as he asks her, “Did you grow since just last night?”

“No!” She giggles as he pinches her cheeks. “I missed you Uncle Chris! You weren’t here when we woke up,” his niece pouts. You look at Chris to see him with matching puppy dog eyes and poked out lip.

“Oh, Kiddo, I’m sorry. I--”

“It’s ok,” she cut him off, causing you to chuckle at her brashness, “I saved the gift from you and your special friend to open last!”

“Well, speaking of...” Chris pulls you in closer to him by your hand, “This is her! I went to get her from the airport,” he beams down at you. The little cutie in Chris’ arm has turned more shy when speaking to you as you exchange names and a quaint handshake.

In a not-so-quiet whisper, she tells Chris, “She’s really pretty. Good job,” with an added thumbs-up and shoulder pat. You can’t fight your giggle and the heat that rises to your face, and Chris can’t fight the laughter that erupts from himself.

Chris is joined in a chorus of laughter, the foyer now filled with Evans’ of all ages, tickled by one of their youngest and no doubt happy that Chris is home… and brought company. This is it… you think.

It’d been a long while since you’d ‘met the family’, having not made it that far with the relationships leading up to this one with Chris. You wonder if it’s like riding a bike, or if you should’ve read an article on how to during your last minute flight.

In the crowd of smiling Evans’, you spot Chris’ mom and brother. You’ve met them on numerous occasions, all in L.A., and know them pretty well. However, everyone else you knew from a picture, a story or would be meeting for the first time this afternoon. There was going to be a lot of meeting, greeting, questioning, explaining…

You steel yourself for the day ahead. Chris looks at you and gives you a reassuring smile and squeeze on your hand. You reciprocate, tension releasing only the slightest as you look at his sunny face, your reminder of why this must go well.

——————————————————————————

The first couple hours you were sure would be the hardest. It was a time of first impressions, and you only get one of those. Tasked with making the rounds to about 30 or so aunts, uncles, cousins, nieces, nephews, in-laws, childhood this and that, Chris wanted to make sure you met every. Single. Body. And as soon possible.

“That way, we get you comfortable faster!” He rejoiced. Chris’ excitement was always infectious so you try to let wash over and enthuse you.

You lost count of how many times you fake laughed at ‘Chris has finally brought you home! We were starting to think you weren’t real!’. But with Chris by your side, the worn out joke was just bearable. He found new ways to respond each time, no doubt to at least keep you entertained. ‘Who do you owe money, then?’ or ‘When you find a treasure, you try to keep it to yourself as long as possible *wink*’ or ‘She’s not even here… she’s a hallucination’ never failed to make you laugh or make your cheeks burn.

It’s actually really endearing to know that there was some anticipation for your arrival. Unbeknownst to you, Chris had been hyping you up to his family. Telling them your accomplishments and aspirations in your writing career, which apparently impressed them. He told them your hobbies and other passions that sparked conversations about their own, and prompted advice on your life trajectory.

All in all, breaking the ice was more delightful than you thought it would be, and hoped that by sticking by Chris’ side the rest of the day would go in that way. But the universe had other plans.

At one point, you get whisked away to the kitchen by Chris’ mom, Lisa, under the guise of needing help with some dishes for dinner. You quickly realize that it's a set-up of sorts, with most of the women of the Evans family gathered around the island putting finishing touches on their dishes and slyly sipping spiked eggnog. These are the people who you feel you have to impress.

Their chatter and laughter came to a halt as they eyed you cautiously crossing the kitchen to the spot Lisa designated you. It was only a matter of time before the interrogation began.

“So… we’ll cut straight to the chase: why is it we’re just now meeting you? You’ve been with our Chris how long now?”

“Vicky!” Lisa smacks her arm warningly. “Have you no filter? You’ll scare the poor girl off before dinner!”

Chris has told you about his infamous Aunt Vicky. “A true cream puff; soft and sweet… once you get past the tough outside,” you remember him telling you.

“It’s fine,” you start, not willing to cower from the inquiry, “Chris and I have been together 2-½ years— 3 in June. And we’ve been happily taking things slow.”

“Good on you for taking things slow. Most women would— and do— jump at the chance to lock down our Chris. But not you, you’re a woman with her own sense of self. We like that,” you’re affirmed with a wink.

Whew.

“You are as pretty as our kid spy said; thought she was exaggerating.”

“Um thank you…?”

“She’s pretty, but can she cook?”

“Carole!” Lisa warns another woman and apologizes to you with her eyes. Chris also told you about his aunt Carole, Vicky’s ‘side kick’. The two of them made for a dubious duo.

“Yeah, what’s Chris’ favorite dish of yours?” Aunt Vicky prodded.

“I can cook, but not that often for Chris,” you respond, to which you’re met with crickets and cock-headed looks. You add, “He’s out of town a lot, and when he is in town, he’s the one doing the showing and proving of why I should stay with him,” you joke (kind of), and to your relief, they find it funny.

“Oooo I like her!” Vicky and Carole say in unison, causing the kitchen of women to laugh. You really did try to keep your expectations low for this visit, not necessarily wanting to seek Chris’ extended family’s acceptance, but you can’t help the relief you feel in this moment.

The next couple hours pass of helping out with dinner dishes and dessert, giggling over glasses of cocktails and family stories. You’d narrowly avoided questions about marriage and babies, but that’s to be expected. For the first time today, you’re able to forget your worries and your boyfriend and actually enjoy yourself. Speaking of...

“Hey you,” Chris is waiting by your seat that’s next to his which he pulls out for you when you arrive at it. An early Christmas dinner is about to be served, and you and Chris are reunited at the table for the first time in hours. “Missed you,” he says with a kiss on your temple. “Can’t wait to hear about your day,” he adds. But there wasn’t much talking between you two throughout the meal, though.

No, the Evans’ family theatrics don’t allow for it. All of them talk with complete genuineness, laugh with their entire beings, opine with their whole chests, and you see where Chris gets it from. Turning to your boyfriend, you find him smiling and laughing along with the rest of the table, looking full of warmth and love. Completed by his family. Your heart gets a little heavier thinking about how he doesn’t have these moments as often as he’d like. In part by his job, yes, but a small part of you feels like you may also have something to do with that. A thought that pains you to wade in too long.

After dinner you try to help with the dishes, packing away leftovers and to-go plates. You don’t get too far, instead get shooed out of the kitchen by the elders, being told to ‘spend the rest of the evening with your man’. You oblige, realizing you barely talked to each other since earlier in the day. In your quick scan of the house, you couldn’t find him, so you shoot him a text.

Some of the kids and teenagers were gathered around some games in the den. Their antics and wittiness remind you of your nieces. They happily let you join in, and at one point, you acquired a little one on your lap as your game partner. The two of you bond over beating her cousins in these games as you school them in a few rounds of Uno, Connect Four, and Jenga.

Your phone buzzes in your pocket, and you smile as you check it.

“Oooooo is it from Uncle Chris?” she cheekily asks as you get up, setting her on your spot on the floor.

“They’re probably gonna go make out under the mistletoe,” one of the older kids teased. The room of adolescents erupt into a fit of giggles and chorus of ‘ews’

“Are you two gonna get married?” the little cutie randomly asks you. “I heard my Grandma and Aunts talking about it!”

“Oh, wow, um… I gotta, I’ll see you all later.” With that you dash out of the room, as symphony ‘K-I-S-S-I-N-G…’ fading behind you.

——————————————————————————

The sky was shades of baby blues, pinks, purples and oranges. It’s a beautiful backdrop to the snow and ice kissed tree branches and lawns. The road had been freshly salted and freed of winter obstacles making it easier to stroll along as you and Chris often did after a meal.

It’s even more beautiful than he said, you think to yourself. For a second you wonder why you were ever hesitant to come here. There was no real reason, yet you used a million excuses. But this time around, you finally ran out.

Not that you weren’t tired of your fear. That was it. The real reason… was fear.

You look down at your boots, the ones you dust off just one week a year now. Striding beside them are a larger, more expensive pair; they too only see the snow on rare occasions. Your eyes follow up the long legs they belong to, taking in the nice slacks and chunky cable knit sweater under a heavy, well-made piece of outerwear. Your eyes finally land on the face of the man in the fine threads.

Looking at Chris right now, you’ve never seen him fit in so perfectly somewhere. But why wouldn’t he on the roads he cut his teeth on. He could make you forget every fear and every doubt you’ve ever had. Hell, he could make you forget your name on a good day. And on those days, you didn’t know what to do with all of that, what to make of it. But it’s the most wonderful time of the year, so

“Come here,” you say just above a whisper, tugging on Chris’ hand causing him to turn to you. You bring your hands to his broad shoulders, smoothing out the invisible wrinkles there. You languidly drag your right hand over to his chest as you notice a red stain on the light colored knit. “My love…” you humoredly drag out as you tap on the food stain.

“I know, I know. My mother already beat you to the scolding,” he chuckles.

“You’d think by this age you’d have learned to be more careful.”

“Hmm, now what fun would that be…” his sultry tone didn’t go unnoticed by you. Your eyes on his tailored, dinner party clothes, hoping to find a relief for your emotions somewhere between the stitches. You never know where to begin with your feelings. Surely it would be to start with the easy stuff, but it all seems hard.

You rub your hands on his chest, not quite meeting his eyes. “What’s up? Whatcha thinking about?” Chris asks with a lopsided grin, resting his hands on either side of your waist. You smile at him nervously. Before you could say anything, there’s a gust of sharp, cold wind. You clutch on to Chris’ sweater, burying your face in his chest seeking refuge and warmth.

“M’thinking about how you got me out in this damn cold! You know my southern bones can’t take it,” your whines muffled by his sweater. He chuckles at your antics.

Chris slowly drags his large palms up from your waist, and this just ensures that there are goosebumps on your skin under your layers if the wind hasn't done so already. He rests one hand on your shoulder pulling you apart just enough for you to look into his hazy blue eyes. His other hand continues it’s trek until it’s rested on the side of your neck, his thumb stroking your jaw. “I know of a way to get you warm…”

“Was this part of your plan?”

“Mmmm… maybe…” Chris leans in close, surely to kiss you, but you have other plans.

“How’s it feel to be back home?” you inquired with faux aloofness, slipping out of his hold and continuing your walk towards his mother’s home.

Chris hesitates for a second, wondering if you really just swerved a kiss from him. He clears his throat, “Uh… yeah it’s great! There’s nothing like family, I know you can agree to that. Even if they are loud… and crazy,” to which you both chuckle. “So…” he starts as he wraps his arms around your middle causing you both to waddle up the front lawn. “How do you feel? Not so bad, was it?”

“No! Far from it! I really, really love your family Chris,” you say as you crane your neck to look at him briefly.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. Although, I strongly disagree with some of their choices in best music of all time, but I’ll learn to get over that. I got over it with you,”

Chris spins you around in his arms, hands firmly on your waist. “I don’t care what you say; Joel is the best music Billy of ALL TIME!”

“Yeah, ok.” you retort with an eye roll to his amusement.

“I’m glad you had a good time babe. They’ve been hounding me to meet you for a while now. I’m happy we made it happen.”

The words are right there on your lips. I’m sorry it took so long. I’m sorry I acted silly. I’m sorry I was scared to take the next step. But what if I’m not ready? What if we get it wrong? Your throat is dry, as it often is when it’s time to bare a little of your soul. At least Chris always has something to say.

“I can’t wait for you to see me this nervous when I meet your family…” You don’t know if that makes you feel better or worse. Chris looks into your eyes expectantly, lovingly. His features are soft and tender, and you think it’s the most beautiful sight on a man, on this man. Your man.

Chris looks at your lips then at your eyes. There goes that silent question again. You’ve never been one to give Chris what he wants when he wants it. He’ll never admit, but it’s one of the things he loves most about you. So, in true you-fashion, you make a run for it.

He’s baffled, but doesn’t waste much time in playing into your little game. You’re laughing hysterically as you look over your shoulder to see him bounding after you on the front lawn. You high tail it around the side of his childhood home, kind of hoping he catches you. Not even you, as stubborn as you are, would want to be running forever.

Chris walks into the backyard cautiously, but not cautiously enough as he’s met with a snowball in the temple. And your maniacal laughter.

“Oh, you’re in for it now!” Chris sneers as he scoops up the most perfectly compacted snowball.

“Oh shit!” You slowly make for the backdoor, walking up the deck stairs backwards, hands up in surrender “C’mon babe, you don’t have to do this,” you plead.

“Yes. Yes, I do. Cos all I wanted was an innocent, sweet kiss.”

“I’ll give you a kiss! Just put the snowball down.”

“It’s too late, sweetheart.” The look in his eyes is sending butterflies straight to your heat. As much as you wouldn’t mind ‘losing’ this game, there’s too much at stake.

“Think of my hair!” You whine to appeal to his better nature. That gave Chris pause, but only for a moment.

“It’s in braids; you’ll be ok.” When Chris takes a step towards you, you take a step back, but instead of eating snow as you anticipate, you slip on a patch of ice and fall flat on your ass.

Chris is quick to race over to your side. “Babe! Are you ok?” he’s slightly panicked as he lifts your torso in his arms, checking your eyes for consciousness.

“Got the wind knocked out of me, but I’m fine, yeah,” you say through a dry laugh.

“Oh, thank god.” He says with a sigh of relief and a wide smile. You smile back at him as he strokes your cheek and says, “Now I won’t feel bad about this.”

“Wha—“ You see white as your face freezes over. Chris is dying of laughter as you sputter the snowball out of your mouth.

“Ha ha ha. Keep laughing... you won’t get that kiss you’re wanting so bad.” He immediately stops laughing, deflates, and pouts, causing you to giggle. “Oh my goodness! Is it that serious?” you teased him a little further. Chris was done playing, though. He stood up and folded his thick arms over his chest to show you he was serious.

You stood up too, and began to tap and poke at his shoulders, chest and stomach. Chris wouldn’t look at you, trying his best to stand firm and not smile. “Look up, dummy!” you say eventually. He acts as if he’s doing you a favor, but can’t hide his giddiness at the sight on the ceiling.

A leafy green plant, with a cluster of red inedible berries, secured with a red ribbon.

You take his face into your hands, lightly grazing your fingers over Chris’ full, trimmed beard. The world is out of focus as you and Chris are now eye to eye. Neither of you can hide your eagerness. You rub your thumb over his plump bottom lip and wonder why you would ever deny yourself this man.

Pulling him into you, the gap is closed between your mouths. The kiss is gentle, shy even, after first. It dawns on you that you’d only shared a quick peck at the airport, and before then, had gone a couple weeks missing each other’s touch.

The neediness and desire within you is heightened at the thought. You wrap your arms around his neck pulling him closer. You start to get lost in him, in his warm taste and touch. You feel the yearning in Chris too. He wraps his arms around your waist, hugging you tightly to himself. His hands start to travel to places you desperately want them to be, but he catches himself, remembering where you are.

“Let’s go say our goodbyes,” he says through an out-of-breath smirk. You bite your bottom lip and reply with a quick nod of your head.

The pair of you head inside to make your last rounds for the evening. Chris keeps it pretty brief with everyone, the both of you promising to see them again sometime soon in the new year. Early Spring seems to work for most everyone; the kids will be on spring break, Chris will be home before jetting off for a press tour, and you’ll have settled in to your new writing job, that isn’t exactly your dream gig, but a step in… a direction.

As you got into Chris’ car to head for his Boston home, waving to his family as you backed out the driveway, none of you could predict or prepare yourselves for the very different, sordid world that waits in the months ahead. How drastically it would change on grand and small scales.

You look adoringly at Chris from your spot in the passenger seat, unaware the beginning of your relationship’s treacherous slope was just a few days away. Had you known, you wouldn’t have left that kiss so soon, would’ve cherished his heated embrace a little more later tonight.

But it’s already been written.

——————————————————————————

What’d you think?

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