#thinks its kinda cute to see you struggling and scared. plus he still misses his ex.

[iciclesses]

cw toxic relationship

can't stop thinking about Ghost telling you about his 'crazy' ex. you roll your eyes at the stories because they are so wild but Ghost is so nonchalant about it that you don't worry.

...suddenly she's stalking you, breaking your windows, stealing weirder and weirder things from your home like a pillowcase or your favorite lipstick. you try and tell Ghost about it but he just thinks you guys should kiss and make up :/ no, literally, he thinks you guys should kiss. he's hard thinking about it.

[singtheskyandfightlikehell]

BatFamily Headcanons: Stuffed Animals

In an attempt to productively combat my recent writer’s block, I’m practicing writing the batfam characters through short character study fics (which I will post once I make enough) and comparative headcanons. I might end up making short fics out of these, as well, since some of them got a bit long anyways

Today I decided to explore how many stuffed animals each member of the batfam (plus an adjacent character or two) has, what they think of them, how they got them, etc. I’ve got eleven characters on this list (and I’m still missing some, sorry)

Bruce:

Bruce put aside stuffed animals when he was eleven, deciding it was time to become serious. However, since acquiring children, he has been gifted a number of stuffed animals, ranging from a small and realistic brown bat to a child-sized bear wearing his cape and cowl. None of the children know this, but he keeps them all in a prominent position in his walk-in closet. Sometimes, when he has a particularly nasty fight with one of his kids, or he discovers something (like an injury) that they were hiding from him, he’ll tell the stuffed animals all the things he struggles to tell his children in the hopes that, one day, he’ll figure out how to express himself when it actually counts.

Alfred:

Alfred has no stuffed animals of his own, but he keeps the old, worn teddy bear that was once Thomas’ and later Bruce’s, alongside the somewhat lopsided bunny that Martha attempted to sew for Bruce when he was two. They sit side by side in a spotless glass cabinet filled with other memories that various members of the family have at one point or another attempted to cast aside.

Dick:

Dick has a pair of stuffed elephants, Eleonore and Zitka, and a teddy bear of his own, all from the circus. Most of the time they sit on the shelf under one of his nightstands, but when he has a particularly bad day, he’ll hold them all tightly until he falls asleep. If he’s crying, he finds it slows the tears to press kisses to the tops of their heads, or just smoosh his whole face into them. Sometimes, if he’s having a particularly good day – especially if no one else is sharing in his good mood – he’ll tell them about whatever made him happy. The rarest occasions are a bittersweet combination of both, the moments when he dwells on his happiest memories of his parents. When this happens, he is more likely to address them than his family, talking to them like old friends who were “there” for the things he’s recalling. It reminds him of the parties he would host as a small child, attended by his stuffed animals and his parents and sometimes other people from the giant family that was Haly’s, and for just that moment he’ll feel suspended somewhere between grief and content.

Barbara:

Barbara had lots of stuffed animals growing up, but as she got older, she gave most of them away. The only one she kept was a little otter that her father gave her for her first birthday. She doesn’t remember this, of course, but they have an old home video of that day which she’s seen a few times, and she know it’s one of her dad’s favorites to watch when he’s feeling nostalgic. She does remember the way she used to drag the otter with her everywhere she went when she was about four, and it’s so worn now that all of its original fluffiness has disappeared. She sets it up near her main computer and uses it in place of a rubber duck.

Jim:

When Babs decided she was too old for her stuffed animals, Jim was instructed to give them away at one of the Gotham children’s toy drives he helps run as commissioner. Only about half of them ever make it out of the house, because he keeps looking at them and remembering little moments that involve each of them. He has two boxes full of them that he swears he’s going to bring to the next drive, but he’s been swearing that for over ten years now.

Jason:

When Jason first arrived at the manor, he swore up and down that stuffed animals were dumb kids toys that he was way too old for. The first time Dick showed up at the manor after Jason was there, he brought a plush dog he’d picked up on the way there, unsure what to get his surprise new brother but not putting an excess of thought into it either. After all, he wasn’t about to ask Bruce what Jason might like. Jason made a show of scorn and tossing the toy in the trash, but when Dick was gone he dug it back out. When he was sleeping, he clutched the dog protectively against his chest like it might be snatched away at any time. When he wasn’t sleeping, he kept it hidden in a box wedged under a floorboard beneath the bed, alongside his other contraband. It was there when he died and it’s still there now. Every time he’s in the manor, he thinks about sneaking into his old room to retrieve it, alongside some of his other old belongings, but he never does. His reasoning alternates between not caring, being too old for toys, not wanting to set foot in his old room, and not wanting to get caught caring after all these years.

He does however have an obnoxiously long bright red snake that Roy won at some sort of archery carnival game while they were supposed to be tracking a suspect. He’d griped at Roy for wasting time with frivolous games, a complaint that was very on brand for their relationship. He’s pretty sure Roy saw through him, though, and understood the real reason he was so antsy to leave the carnival, given his soft apology later that night. He also recently acquired a floppy stingray, a gift from Lian for his latest birthday. She told him that she’d gotten to pet a stingray at the aquarium where she’d bought it, and it reminded her of him. Specifically, she’d said he was, “Kinda dangerous and maybe a little scary, but actually really soft to anyone who’s nice enough”. He wasn’t sure how he felt about that description, but the gift had a place of pride, resting atop an old model of his helmet that Roy had “defaced” with a sweet message that always made Jason smile.

Cass:

Cass grew up without stuffed animals, and was honestly a little confused at first about why she might want one. The first one she ever got was a tiny key-chain cat that was given to her by a little girl she saved. She was unsure what to make of the object itself, but she treasured it as a symbol, proof that she was doing good in the world. It was Steph who convinced her to look for more, to look for stuffed animals in her “style”. Eventually, she got two of the most different ones she could find: an iridescent octopus packed tightly with beans and made of a coarse fabric, and a large fluffy goose that squished like a cloud and was made of the softest fabric imaginable. She likes tossing the octopus lightly in the air to feel the weight of it, and faceplanting into the giant goose. She also has a big bear holding a plush heart that Steph got her for their first Valentine’s.

Tim:

Tim’s relationship with stuffed animals is a bit more complicated. He had five growing up: a dog, a bear, a lion, a rabbit, and a lamb. They had names, stories, personalities, and they were his friends (his only friends, at the time). When he was seven, he woke up one day to find them gone. His mother scolded him for his tears, explaining that he was too old for baby toys, and that his attachment to them would only hinder his path forward. For years, he felt ashamed whenever he thought of his grief towards them, because he knew they were just toys, he knew he was being a baby about it, and yet…

It wasn’t until he was fifteen years old and stumbled across an article about autistic people and the projection of feelings onto objects that he understood why he had been willing to sneak out at night to search through pawn store after pawn store and – once – the landfill in the hopes of seeing his beloved toys again. As a teen in the Wayne household, he knew he could get as many stuffed animals as he liked, but he couldn’t bring himself to do so after what had happened before. He got one giant, floppy moose, barely half a foot shorter than himself, that he clings to like an octopus when he manages to lay down, whether he succeeds in falling asleep or not. Additionally, on a night after Jason made amends with the family, Tim returned to his room to find a fifteen inch plush latte with a cute little face on the mug portion and a sticky note on top that simply read: Sorry for trying to kill you a bunch. My bad :) He keeps it on top of his dresser, and while he doesn’t really hug it, he did discover it was the perfect object for chucking at his siblings’ heads whenever the situation calls for it.

Steph:

Steph loves stuffed animals. While she never got any of the fancy brand name ones, or the luxuriously soft ones, or the hyper-realistic ones, her mom had a tradition of buying her one for every birthday, Christmas, and Easter. She soon had quite a collection, and – like Tim – she gave them all names and personalities. She played out complex scenarios with them and the few dolls she had, designing an intricate world of wild concepts and plots. She also used her stuffed animals to conquer her fears, like thunderstorms and darkness, by pretending they were all more scared than she was, so she had to be brave for all of them. Steph still has her whole collection, as well as quite a few “nicer” (though equally loved) ones that she has acquired from various Waynes. At this point, pretty much everyone in the Wayne family has given her a stuffed animal at some time or other. For a couple of years now, she has taken to posing with her massive collection and making fake family Christmas cards to send out to everyone she knows, where she will update them on the well-being of any plushie they’ve given her.

Duke:

Duke also has a great love of stuffed animals, although he doesn’t match Steph for quantity. He only had a few beloved animals growing up, all of which he’s held onto (a panda, a penguin, a turtle, a frog, a leopard, and a pikachu). Since being fostered by Bruce, Duke has taken to searching out and buying only the rarest stuffed animals he can find: an anteater, a platypus, a manatee, a sloth, and an axolotl have made the cut so far. Bruce knows about this and has taken to keeping an eye out for anything interesting whenever he’s out. After accidentally mentioning it at a gala one time, it has since become his favorite topic, as getting drawn into an intense discussion with Bruce Wayne about where to acquire strange plushies for his son elicits one of two reactions from his guests: delighted awws or hilariously awkward attempts to steer the conversation back to high society definitions of business and pleasure. At Duke’s request, a large shelf was built around the top of his room, so that all of his stuffed animals can sit comfortably and be clearly seen.

Damian:

Damian was much like Jason when he arrived at the manor in more ways than one, but his determination to prove himself above stuffed animals was certainly on that list. He sneered at his siblings’ attempts to treat him like the child he swore he wasn’t. And honestly, even after he began to lower his walls just a little, he still wasn’t particularly fond of stuffed animals. Sure, he privately thought they were cute, and sure he might (might) find himself holding one at night if it happened to have been left in his bed by an annoying sibling, but in general he preferred live animals to fake ones. Real animals had personalities and feelings, fake ones did not, it was as simple as that, no matter what Stephanie claimed. But as time went on, Damian found himself acquiring a small army of stuffed animals against his will. Some of his siblings (Jason, Tim, sometimes Duke) gave them to him because they found it funny to watch him growl about how he was not an infant in need of deceitful comforts. Some of his siblings (Dick, Cass, sometimes Duke… sometimes his father as well) would give them to him because they knew he liked animals so they assumed he’d like imitations of animals as well. Steph would just give them to everybody, every now and then. But regardless of motive, Damian soon found his room overflowing with stuffed animals that were moderately cute but ultimately pointless.

It wasn’t until a patrol a few years after he’d taken on the mantle of Robin that he discovered a solution. Tim had hidden a tiny stuffed bear in the medical supply compartment of his utility belt, a felt bandage wrapped around its little head. He hadn’t been wounded, but the young girl he’d rescued had been bleeding from a wound that looked worryingly dirty. The bear had fallen out of the pouch, right into her lap, and she’d stared at it with wide eyes, surprise halting the flow of her tears. She’d held onto it the whole time he disinfected her arm and bandaged it, and afterwards he had insisted she keep it. For the first time that night, she’d smiled. After that, Damian began taking a few of his many stuffed animals out on patrol with him, ready to hand out to any and all injured, lost, or otherwise traumatized children once he’d rescued them from their troubles. Eventually he began running out of toys he’d been gifted, even though he kept getting new ones, so at some point he begins to regularly sneak out for the sole purpose of acquiring stuffed animals to hand out. He never tells his siblings, but he suspects they’ve found out anyway, when the presents they give him drastically decrease in size.

[miss-tc-nova]

Et Tu - Riku x Reader

Hi all! Been a hot minute, but have a Valentine’s Day fic! I mulled over a lot of different ideas (including cliff diving) before I finally came down to this. And yes, I’m aware the title is a bit convoluted. 

And thanks again for the request Xeha-non, I too have been all over Riku for the last few weeks. 

~~~~~

              Jamming along to the song on my phone, I prance around the kitchen, collecting items to throw in the bag on the table. I’m making a mess of my house but I couldn’t care less, a beaming grin on my face as I toss the marshmallows in after the chocolate.

              Today is Valentine’s Day; more importantly, it’s the first Valentine’s Day I’ll have with my boyfriend since his crazy adventures ended a few months ago. I didn’t beat myself up or hold his past absences against him—it was just another day to me. But this year, oh, I’m so excited for this year. I’ve been happily hopping around my home all day, trying anything and everything to make the time pass.

              The sun is hanging low in the sky by the time there’s a knock at my door. Thank goodness I’m not strong enough to tear the door off its hinges as I rip it open to lunge at the man on the other side. Laughing, he spins me around before setting me back on my feet.

              “Excited, huh?” he greets, pressing a peck to my forehead.

              “I get to spend Valentine’s Day with my boyfriend! You have no idea!” I say, bouncing on my toes.

              “Considering the number of texts I’ve gotten today, I think I have a decent idea.” I jut my tongue out at him. His cheeky demeanor slides into something softer, scattering the butterflies in my chest that always bustle in his presence. “Happy Valentine’s Day.”

              “Happy Valentine’s Day,” I return.

              The ensuing kiss is gentle, just like Riku himself—when he’s not picking on me. It lingers just long enough to spread a rash of goosebumps and send the butterflies soaring. It leaves me indescribably happy, even when it ends.

              “So, are you ready to go?” he asks.

              The question breaks the serenity, sending the giddiness back into full swing. Scurrying back into the house, I scoop up the bag. “Yep! You got your swimming shorts?”

              “Yeah.”

              “Perfect!” The door slams behind me. “Let’s go!”

              We make our way to the small island where we set up a little camp on the beach just out of reach of the water. Because the sun is starting to set, the place is quiet and empty; even those wretched birds have vacated for the day—it’s perfect.

              Splashing, swimming, floating: water occupies our time as the sun says its last goodbye with the vanishing sunrays. I hold onto Riku as he keeps us afloat, looking to the violet sky where the first stars are beginning to peak through.

              “When I moved here, I didn’t think I’d like island life,” I hum.

              “I used to hate it here,” he says just as thoughtfully. “But you really start to miss the place you call home when you manage to escape it all. Especially when you find out there are people waiting for you to get back.”

              I realize he’s talking about me and my stomach flips. Nevertheless, I grin and pinch at his vulnerable cheeks. “Aww, sweetheart, you missed me?”

              Riku suddenly stands; I hadn’t realized we drifted so close to shore. My arms wrap around his neck as he lifts me from the water.

              That sneaky simper stops my heart. “Of course I missed you, babe.”

              And with that, he throws me out into deeper water.

              Clawing my way back to the surface, I chase after the boy. I am in no way an actual threat but he humors me in running away. Somehow it all ends with me clinging to his back while Riku treks back onto the sand.

              “Alright, I’m sorry,” he gives. “Can you get off now?”

              “Mmm, no.” I press a kiss to his cheek.

              “So if I just fall backwards?”

              Riku leans backwards. Panicking, I cling tighter and brace for impact but, just before he falls, he steps back to catch himself.

              “Yeah?” he goads.

              With a huff, I let go. “Fine.”

              Ruining my fun as usual, Riku helps me get a fire going in the pit and settled into the sand. Right as I’m about to break out the sweets, he holds his fist out.

              “Here.”

              I eye him for a moment, growing suspicious. “What is that?”

              Green eyes roll. “Just take it.”

              “Rikuuu! I told you not to get me anything,” I complain.

              “Oh come on. You planned this,” he retorts.

              “Yeah, but I planned this for both of us.”

              “Are you being ungrateful?”

              My mouth clamps shut as I scowl. Knowing he’s got me, Riku smirks and takes my hand to drop something metal in it. I stare down at the trinket. At the end of a silver chain hangs a gleaming, purple charm with an emblem inside. There’s a vague feeling in the back of my head that I’ve seen this emblem before.

              “I hope it looks alright. I didn’t really get to pick what it looked like,” he says.

              “What do you mean?”

              Riku taps the trinket. When it suddenly lights up, I nearly drop the thing. Light grows and expands until, like a balloon, it bursts. My jaw drops. Fluttering rapidly in the air is a round, fluffy bat creature with a big grin. I watch it flap its way to Riku, where it rests on his shoulder.

              When I finally get my voice back, I shout, “What the hell is that?!”

              “This is my Dream Eater,” he explains. His fingers scritch at its chin like a cat and the thing practically melts. Meanwhile, all I can do is stare at him like he’s insane. “Uh, they usually live in the Realm of Sleep, eating nightmares. He helped me through my Mark of Mastery exam. You can pet him; he doesn’t bite…hard.”

              I glare but Riku insistently waves me closer. It takes a little bit of courage before I finally reach up to rest my hand between the creature’s large ears. It leans against my palm, practically purring.

              “Aww!” The way the Dream Eater coos and bats his eyes makes my heart soft. “So why is he here?”

              “Because I want him to watch over you.”

              “What?”

              “Things are different now, but I still can’t guarantee I’ll be around all the time, so I want him to stick around and watch over you; that’s why I asked Yen Sid for a charm that would bring him to our Realm.” A hand under the Dream Eater’s feet moves him from Riku’s shoulder to mine. He gives me a look full of soft adoration. “You know I wouldn’t let anything happen to you, right?”

              My ears are burning but I refuse to let him see me fluster. “So you gave me a babysitter for Valentine’s Day? Thanks,” I deadpan. It turns to giggling as the bat fluffs and nuzzles against my face.

              “More like a guard dog,” Riku replies. “Plus he makes a pretty unique pet.”

              “Giving me a pet without asking—so irresponsible,” I tease. “What’s his name?”

              He shrugs. “Doesn’t have one. When I got him, I was kinda busy with other things.”

              “Well that’s just a shame. Isn’t that right?” I coo at the bat. He cheerfully squeaks. Honestly, he’s so cute I could just squish his face all day. “Isn’t that right, Ceasar.”

              “Ceasar?”

              “Yeah. I like Ceasar. And I can’t just run around yelling ‘hey you bat!’”

              “Fair enough.” A beautiful shade of pink tints his cheeks as he asks, “What you smiling about?”

              I lean into the fluffy boy. “Thank you, Riku. I love him.”

              That shade darkens. “Good.”

              “Alright!” I announce, changing the subject and pouncing for my bag. “Now, I have been looking forward to this all week!”

              My boyfriend chuckles. “You mean mauling me in the ocean wasn’t the main attraction?”

              “No no no. That was fun and all but tonight’s main attraction—until you brough Ceasar—is smores!” I toss him the box of graham crackers.

              Ceasar dances in the sand, looking surprisingly excited for a creature that’s probably never had a smore.

              “Oh I see now: today’s just an excuse for you to eat sweets,” Riku says.

              I shove his shoulder. “Come on! When’s the last time you had a smore?” I jam a marshmallow onto a stick for roasting.

              Riku scratches at the back of his head. “I dunno. Maybe when I was a kid?”

              “He says as if he’s an adult,” I mock.

              A finger prods my cheek. “I’m more mature than you are.”

              “I can be mature when I have to be.” I lean away from the poke. “You, on the other hand, seem to need a lesson on acting like the kid you are.”

              His indignation is clear. “What’s that mean?”

              “It means stop acting like you’re not a kid.”

              “Hey, I’m a keyblade master.”

              “I’m sorry, Mr. Keyblade Master—you’re still not eighteen. You still got a few months for that. And I know for a fact that you’re not above being childish.”

              “Oh yeah? Like when?”

              “Like throwing me in the water. Like that time you stole my ice cream and made me get another. Like that time you hid in my closet to scare the ever-living hell out of me!”

              “I forgot about that,” he snickers.

              “I know we’re kinda out here on our own, but we’re kids. We’re big kids, but we’re still kids; so I know it wouldn’t kill you to act like it more often.”

              His laugh dies down. “Sorry. I guess all this keyblade business kinda gets to me sometimes.”

              There it is: the seriousness that plagues him even in his brightest moments. His face downcast and all light gone from his eyes—it’s like he’s reliving one of those terrible memories. We’ve been having fun these last few months since he got back, but there’s no denying that he went through hell. He laughed and smiled and teased me, but I could always sense a weary darkness deep in him.

              I sigh. “I know. And that’s why you have me. I may not be a fighter but…” Looking him in the eye, I use Riku’s own words, “You know I wouldn’t let anything happen to you, right?”

              He stares, awestruck, a second blush overtaking his face. Normally, I would’ve taken a jab at his moment of weakness, but this time, I simply return my attention to the marshmallow.

              It’s on fire.

              “SHITSHITSHIT! DAMMIT!” I jam the flaming chunk of charcoal into the ground and shovel sand onto it to put it out. “Aww!”

              A new kind of laughter, something pure and light, rings through the air. I look back at my boyfriend and, this time, it’s my turn to blush. For once, the darkness is gone—this is pure happiness and it makes for the perfect Valentine’s Day.

              I grin. “What are you laughing at?! That one was for you!”

              “I know you struggle with a lot of things, but I didn’t think roasting marshmallows would be one of them.”

              “Shut up! You can make your own smore!” I retort, pulling the stick from the sand to throw at him.

              The projectile bounces off his arm and the young man retaliates by pulling me into his lap by the arm. His strength makes escape impossible and I break into a giggling mess at the mercy of his peppered kisses. His victory ends with a much more loving kiss against my cheek.

              “I love you,” he murmurs.

              The confession ignites a fire in my chest. Only hiding my face against Ceasar, hopping into my lap to join the cuddling, can save me from the embarrassing blush.

              “I love you too,” I utter meekly.

              One last kiss meets the top of my head before Riku reaches for the marshmallows. “Now let me show you how to actually roast a marshmallow.”

              Rolling my eyes, I play with Ceasar’s wings. “He’s so mean, isn’t he, Ceasar.” The bat happily squeaks. “That’s right.”

              “You know he’s only kissing up to you so he can have a smore, right?”

              I gasp, holding the Dream Eater at arm’s length. “Ceasar! You would betray me for a smore?!”

              Happy cheep.

              “Pretty sure he’d sell us all out for a piece of cake,” says Riku, offering the bat a chocolate that instantly disappears.

              “You traitor!”

              Ceasar’s grin never falters. “Squeak!”

[zepdeans]

this is highkey like a month late (i mean wbk im a chronic scatterbrain procrastinator) and she’s thicccc but without further ado. my skam s4 thoughts.

I first just want to say a couple things: im not a muslim woc so my thoughts on s4 don’t hold as much value as those of a muslim, woc, or a muslim woc. I also don’t know to what degree sana’s representation was true to real life. I made an effort to look for posts from muslim woc on sana’s season but to no real avail, especially given it’s been two years since skam ended and a lot of blogs have deactivated, changed urls, or posts have become buried :( [if you know of any good posts regarding sana’s season please lmk!]. from what I can recall in 2017, there were mixed opinions on s4 with most being upset (or at least disappointed) with the ultimate execution of sana’s storyline and I agree w that. while s4 means so much to me and has a really special place in my heart, I do 100% acknowledge its flaws. ok!!!!!! lets get into it😤

ep1 -as much as I wished isak stayed in kollektivet I’m glad he and even had a rlly sweet happy time this entire season. also evak making their friends move all their furniture while they whisper romantic shit to each other and makeout? peak comedy -you fuckin wish!!! -sana is the one to say “of course you should tell noora about william”.. she Knew and still takes the fall for it :( -this opening clip is such a jarring shift into sana’s pov!! e.g. while easy to overlook in previous seasons, sana’s exclusion from the girls is glaringly obvious once we’re looking through her eyes -adding onto that! sana is the friend who notices everyone else- she’s so observant, which hurts even more when you notice her friends don’t do the same (except mayhaps chris- in my heart of hearts I know chris is also the friend who notices and goes unnoticed, but unfortunately we don’t get enough of her and sana’s relationship this season to fully see that) -yousef and the balloon squad’s entrance.... ICONIC! also I cant believe for 2 seasons they presented those dickbag nissen 97s as the be all end all of hot amazing boys when the bakka third years were RIGHT THERE like,, the penetrators vs. balloon squad + even? no contest ma’am -also! it’s so interesting that we literally had no idea sana had a brother, or that yousef etc existed until now? it’s as if she has a whole private world at home, separate from her friends and nissen (and I think a theme of this season is those two worlds merging) -im obsessed w the yousana train scene but yousef being the only one who notices sana standing off to the side? ;-; -fy faen is such a stunning clip oh my god. when sana leaves to pray? possibly my favourite skam scene ever. it’s exquisite.  -sana is so cute and awkward squeezing thru the crowd shsdhgfhshdf I LOVE her love her -the last shot on yousef and noora... oh my GOD oh my god bc like. being that friend who never ever tells your real feelings or your crushes or is vulnerable with your friends?? and then having to listen to them talk about how good your crush would be with someone else (especially one of ur friends) while ur sitting there silently dying inside? and you don’t say anything since you can’t be vulnerable with your friends and u don’t think u stand a chance anyways so. (in the words of s3 noora. I think sana struck a nerve with the emotional unavailability! abbey r u ok) -this episode is a masterpiece and did such a phenomenal job of both introducing us to sana’s perspective while also touching on a multitude of her struggles AND establishing the themes of the season. plus the cinematography, editing, soundtrack and aesthetic...... o baby. (case in point I deadass just rewatched it after writing this)

ep2 -every shot of sana praying is beautiful (and beautifully edited!!) -sana’s room is usually messy... not smart enough to fully analyze this but I’m sure it means something  -an interesting contrast of what’s expected of her vs. of elias- I can’t speak for muslim families, but I know even in non-muslim families girls are always held to suchhh a higher standard (source: I have 2 brothers rip) -”if you find immaturity charming” hilarious bc sana actually does in fact find immaturity charming  -what’s interesting is how noora comes across in sana’s POV- kinda obnoxious, kinda ignorant, seemingly perfect (compared to how noora is portrayed in eva’s season, for example) -even is one of those ppl who uses the bill gates argument on why dropping out of school makes u richer sdfhfsjskfjfsd -sana staring down the pepsi max squad. fuck em up. -vilde adding magnus to the groupchat jfkjsjfdjfsfsdkj -isak missing eskild :’) sidenote I fucking live for isak and sana’s chats this season. they’re literally my lifeblood like.... 

ep3 -the kiss me scene god I go FERAL -“you need to pull it towards you, not push it away. okay?” yall mind if i SCREAM!! YOUSEF!!!!!!!!!! -there rlly is something about seeing sana, who in everyone else’s POV comes off as cold and harsh and stoic, just absolutely meltinggg when she talks w yousef like she doesn’t stop smiling she’s so sweet!!!! ah🥰 and yousef is 100% that guy who ppl tell “your gf is so intimidating and ruthless bro” and he’s like are y’all talking about sana??????? my baby?? my fuckin cinnamon apple????? -yousef’s lil smile watching sana peel carrots. 911 it’s me again -vilde and sana’s relationship has a really interesting dynamic bc like.. vilde says ignorant shit to sana while also genuinely looking up to her. and sana is probably the harshest to vilde within the group but it’s because she actually values their friendship a lot  -IM HURT BECAUSE YOU NEVER REPLIED TO MY MEME -sana pulling 2yr old receipts off the top of her head to defend vilde. god I stan -sana doin research taking notes..... shameful she isn’t canonically a virgo (honestly her and isak both but like-) -she’s so soft and smiley w her mamma awh... “of course he likes you, who doesn’t like you?” her mamma only knows the real, gentle, beautiful loving sana oh im CRY -even is so kind and loving and thoughtful yall mind if i....... -”you can’t escape the internet girl” foreshadowing mayhaps?

ep4 -david and ulrikke together are fucking hilarious -noora’s “you’re lucky you don’t have to think about this stuff, heartbreak and that” :/ it’s not just vilde who says ignorant things to sana! -that being said sana and noora are cute asf in the exper5 scene.. dorky noora rise (omg josefine and her yogurt in the bloopers too sjhfkjdf) -I HANDLE BALLS BETTER THAN YOU -the yousana scene is sooo gorgeous whew...... -I always cry a lil bit (ok a lot) when yousef brings up even. and sana knew too. even sweetie ily :( -sana talking about her religion is beautiful. it’s so lovely to learn about how she thinks and sees the world. -yousef’s smile watching sana leave like ur kidding right....... -“flawless since 99″ is so cringey. it’s so cringeyyy -sana uses “smh” I knew we were soulmates

ep5 -eavesdropping on ur parent/brother’s argument is peak sibling culture -when ur always paranoid but ur always right..... -sana’s green jumpsuit sign me up babey -I really really really love elias and sana’s conversation -u dont even realize how tiny sana is until she’s standing next to isak and even -not finding out why yousef avoided the fight and why he kissed noora will haunt me forever (could we not have expanded more on that instead of noorhelm.......) -the parallel of sana washing isak’s blood off her hands vs. her washing her hands during maghrib in episode 1. gotta sit down. -vilde gossiping to the pepsimax girls stings SO bad it’s just such a betrayal?:( -“the other girls seem cool, especially noora! she’s so pretty!” ok much to unpack here but: sana again comparing herself to noora (who she sees as /perfect/)... sana being written off despite putting so much effort and passion into the russ bus while noora, who has done literally nothing and at best is indifferent to russ, is the one they like the most. disgusteng -love will tear us apart.. bitch..... -sana abt to cry god I can’t -if sana is anything like me (I mean I think she is but jkjjkhsdfhfsd). looking stupid is the absolute worst so like, her sending out emails abt being bus boss when she was actually being lied to? being played? and her being “paranoid” about sara being shady, but deciding hey maybe im just being crazy? except she wasn’t she was right and she Knew!! and she’s probably thinking how dumb it was for her to get her hopes up, everything always ends badly anyways and no one actually likes her :((((((( -dont rlly know what my feelings are on the fight. im not against it bc isak does have a temper but his apparent motive always seemed weak to me?? and god I feel so bad for even

ep6 -forgot about sana getting bullied in middle school yall mind if I sob?? -sana lying and getting defensive bc it’s hard to be vulnerable, or because she hates looking stupid? or both?:( -isak looking up dandelions in his textbook just bc even put one behind his ear. I HATE this man -sana’s dad asking if she had a bad day aw :( -all the boys (and sana) wearing black but yousef wearing white.... what does it mean.............. -the carrots are back goddammit -radio station playing during this scene: “if I have to choose between the just non-muslim and the unjust muslim, without any doubt I would choose the non-muslim who is just” -ISAK’S NOSE SFFJDFJFSDKJSDF -sana’s text about chris I’m going to bawl my eyes out.           “yeah! looking forward (to going to nissen) but a bit worried. don’t know               anyone else starting there.”           (J: new friends?) “yes, at least one of them. I have german with her (chris)           and she’s very cool!” -the contrast of how blunt sana came off when we’re first introduced to her vs. how she was really just excited to make a new friend bc she was scared no one would like her :( especially knowing her past with bullying and how nervous she was to start at nissen? chris baby I LOVE YOU thank u ;-; -also sana keeping 2yr old conversations on her phone... same -sana is honestly too smart and scheming and overthinking for her own good. she has these elaborate plans that more-or-less always get ruined by her being more kind than she gives herself credit for (e.g. wanting to protect vilde in s1, clearing isak’s name in s4) -everyone in skam texts back so fast smh -chris calling sana “sonic”...... a moment please -I cannot watch the sana/evak apartment scene without thinking of the bloopers and losing it lmfaoooo.. “this is where we live. just come in” -ik it’s based off fanart but there is little I hate more than their matching outfits  -“remember you’re both geniuses!” 🥺even  -once again isak studying is uhhhh me - “you’re a good person” yall i love isak i really do. he puts his foot in his mouth pretty often and doesn’t have a great brain-to-mouth filter and he can be awkward and rambly and blunt and unsure of what to say in emotional situations but also? he’s so genuine. it’s just his honest thoughts and he says it bc he cares about sana and knows she needs to hear it!! -ᶠᵃᵉⁿ ᵉᵛᵉⁿ -sana’s inner turmoil.. thank u iman for inventing acting (ik I haven’t mentioned it much yet but god iman is SUCH a phenomenal actor I owe her my life) -LETS GO BITCHES

ep7 -sana crying silently in her room breaks my fucking heart (IMAN!!!!)  -idk how I feel about the instagram plot but sana watching as her plan falls into place and then storming up to sara... pretty bada$$ -“it’s creepy it was published but it’s more creepy we have a bus boss who talks shit about everyone” THANK YOU vilde -i love s4 isak thanks -sana and jamilla’s chat aw :~) -how awkward do yall think the walk to the bench was lmfao -what sana tells isak is SO powerful and I love it a lot -isak does actually make a good point- the other girls are like that too.  -unfortunately I have been in situations isak describes, where you want to learn more about your friend’s culture or religion because you care about them and you’re genuinely interested, but you don’t know what questions are okay to ask and you don’t want to sound rude or ignorant, so you ultimately end up asking no questions at all. but I hate that the responsibility is put on sana to constantly educate people bc I cannot imagine how exhausting that must be [[[ok so. I know there are VERY mixed opinions on the bench scene but here’s my dumbass two cents. 1- I genuinely think isak was trying to make sana feel better by attempting to relate to her and pass on advice that really helped him. however, I don’t think isak realized what sana eventually told him- that her experience wearing the hijab is a lot different than isak’s experience as a gay man. do I agree with everything isak said? nooo. do I understand why he said it? yeah. 2- it was not isak’s place to tell sana norwegians aren’t racist, or not to look for racism in questions. I think there’s some truth to ppl often just being ignorant, and he does add that there are probably a lot of racist people in Norway, but yeah. not great. 3- in conclusion I think while isak shared some meaningful advice w sana, he put his foot in his mouth too and said some stupid shit. im not trying to defend that. I will add, though: a. we actually do see some growth on isak’s part. when he and even are yelled at on the street, that’s the moment it clicks for him that oh shit, this is what sana was talking about. this is what she has to experience? and that’s why he texts noora, “in the speech for sana, you have to include how insanely strong she is. I don’t think many people understand how much bullshit she has to take” and b. isak’s (bad) advice of “not looking for the racism in things” is ultimately contrasted by yousef (a moc who lived most of his life as a muslim) suggesting instead to show people what islam really is. and that’s so much more meaningful. I think the root of a lot of the issues isak brought up- i.e. ignorance- is a general lack of education, representation, or effort by non-muslim people to seek out information themselves. so sana leading by example and showing what it means to her to be muslim is so much more powerful.]]] -𝒃𝒂𝒎!  -BEST BUDS 🥺

ep8 -haper du har plass weaving in and out of this episode until the chorus finally breaks when the los losers van shows up...... miss julie 😭 -oh my god the pictures. im a fucking MESS bc they’re not only significant to the scene and to sana but also like,, as part of our goodbye to the girls?? -the balloon squad and even :( while the timeline of them reconciling within just this week is kinda wack, seeing even back with his friends looking so happy makes my heart uwu so i’ll allow it just this once -eva’s message to vilde about her and magnus being able to trust each other w/o reading their texts... growth or irony -chris is such a phenomenal friend (and this is why I wanted more of her in s4!!) -sana’s phonecall to the girls breaks my fucking heart bc like. right off the bat she’s finally being vulnerable with them?? telling them about her fears and insecurities and struggles? typing this im gonna start crying lol but god I love her so much. she’s so brave and she put all that on the line bc all she really cares about are her friends, she loves them SO much even if (she thinks) they don’t love her back -lowkey sobbed so hard during the haper du har plass clip I almost threw up and it gave me a headache :)  -anyways this is one of my favourite skam clips and god just. the moment you hear the girls calling for sana??? I LOSE it. when sana just starts BEAMING omg🤧 the girls love sana and support her and if you fuck with sana you fuck with us!!!!!! god. cannot articulate how dear to my heart this scene is. -haper du har plass feels like the end of the episode and the party clip is kinda just tacked on but I love how happy everyone is!! they’re all drinking champagne (who taught isak how to hold things) and dancing and smilingggg 💛 -yousana rise!!!!!!!!  -ok don’t get me wrong I hate william for crashing the party but their entrance slow-mo kinda slaps.... also sana popping up in between noorhelm SENDS me

ep9 -this is the point in the season where the amount of time dedicated to noorhelm is beyond beyond beyond significantly damaging to the story. this is sana’s last episode!! instead of having them makeout in front of william’s car for 20 minutes mayhaps we could’ve had a conversation between the girls and sana, or with her brother (if they had continued the elias alcoholism plotline rip), or maybe even with jamilla or her mamma? like I don’t care at ALL about noora or william. give me anything else. ple a s e -what makes skam scenes so brilliant is their quiet moments!! julie let the scene breathe. not everything needs a tacky song playing over top. -I’ve said this abt like twenty clips now but MAGHRIB. oh my GOD. an absolute masterpiece and definitely tied for my all time favourite skam clip. can’t rlly put into words how stunning it is. & I love sana and yousef’s conversation so much. -“of course I brought food! my name is yousef!” mr. acar you’re the only man I trust

ep10 -as much as my heart yearns for 10 sana episodes I think splitting up the last episode of skam into individual POV clips for different characters was brilliant and such a poignant way to say goodbye :( -okay don’t think about what sana could’ve written in her texts to everyone or ur heart will go sicko mode -I won’t write anything abt this ep since I’ve already written too much but like.. (elias should’ve gotten a clip instead of william. pchris can stay because his clip was funny but he’s on thin fuckin ice) -kjaere sana was such a beautiful way to say goodbye to skam. so yeah. bye skam. i miss you. 

overall ➔I’m not really sure why (possibly a lethal combination of my undying love for sana bakkoush, how much I relate to her, this but my ass was crying EVERY single episode of season 4...... F ➔I’m obsessed with s4′s aesthetic. imo the best editing, soundtrack and cinematography of any season!!!! julie is so talented at making each season feel distinct- to me, sana’s season is cool, vibrant colours (aka the late-night sunset aesthetic- gabie i hear u laughing shut up), crisp electronic/pop music and rap, ethereal city nights..... also sana has the best style of any skam character it had to be said ➔sana’s growth! seeing her open up and be honest and vulnerable with the girls during that phone call. sana sending all of her friends literally the sweetest messages of how much they mean to her and how much she values their relationship. sana being the (MUCH) bigger person and making amends with sara, ingrid etc. I love her so much :’((( ➔I’ve thought a lot about what I would change in season 4 and honestly? im a mf scatterbrain and have no real, structured ideas. my biggest issue is too much noora. dream s4 would be william staying in london and noora being happy on her own (but not rly on her own bc she has the girls and kollektivet!). as :/ as I am about the noora/yousef plotline, I’m not really sure what I’d do to replace the yousana conflict in ep5. maybe involving elias, or the balloon squad and even? related to that- in lieu of all the noora/noorhelm screentime, I would so much rather have a follow-up plot to elias’s drinking problem bc it was kinda just dropped? at the very least, the william clip should’ve been elias’s. I also would've killed for more one-on-one scenes with chris (even vilde or eva!), jamilla, even, members of the balloon squad... there are so many interesting stories that could’ve been explored instead of going down the noorhelm rabbithole again. furthermore, I feel like the social media plot was a bit... weak? again I’ve tried thinking of what I would’ve done instead (while also keeping the haper du har plass clip, y’all can pry that one from my cold dead hands) to little avail. what especially threw me about this plotline is that sana did this in s2 to jamilla, fucked up, and it bit her in the ass. I know that she gets irrational when angry but from a storytelling perspective, it seems repetitive. just.. I feel like there could’ve been a more powerful plot in which sana follows the same character arc. another thing I would’ve loved to see is beyond the los losers van, an apology from the girls to sana. or even just a conversation where they tell her “hey sana, we’re sorry for not paying attention and we’re sorry for being thoughtless/ignorant.” an apology from vilde about things she’s said in the past would’ve been <3. even a gesture! the girls order pizza again but this time it’s halal, or they make an effort to learn about sana’s religion and culture. I know it’s implied through the letter they write for sana, but a final standalone scene would’ve been so nice.  ➔i’ve noticed soo many remakes do this thing where they like.. water down shitty behaviour of their characters. which like- sure. I would love for everyone to be kind and thoughtful and not as horrible as they could be but also... I think that’s the point of skam? to show that people fuck up, but that doesn’t define them as a person. no one is perfect and no one can be thoughtful and considerate and kind all the time. and often these ‘problematic’ actions are integral to the story- e.g. elias saying stupid comments to isak (related to isak’s internalized homophobia and fear of coming out to his friends), the girl squad being ignorant about what sana can eat, etc. so..... your remake is not better because it erased every horrible action every character has done. (nuance.. where r u.........) ➔despite its flaws, I will say- the good moments of season 4? ineffable. I think we sometimes forget that julie literally wrote, directed, and I believe (?) assisted w editing and soundtrack too. i cant imagine doing all that under so much pressure, trying to bring so many storylines to a conclusion whilst simultaneously creating a goodbye-season to a show she put her life into the past two years. I’m so fucking appreciative of her. and you know what? all in all julie wrote some pretty damn beautiful episodes and scenes, and you can tell she loves this show just as much as we do. ➔and honestly this is maybe one reason I’m more wary of watching remake s4′s, bc like.. this season meant SO much bc it was the last season of skam. we knew it was the last season. the final episode is more or less a love letter, a goodbye to the show. whereas w some remakes (do i have to say whomst) its  like.. that love isnt there. it’s just another season. yknow? in conclusion I miss skam so much :(

ok whew if ur reading this ur a champion but also why did you just read 5k of me rambling about how much I love sana bakkoush?? 

[mrs-hollandstan]

I’m Sorry || Tom Holland

Warnings: there might be some language, plus size reader x Tommy man, tis cuteness

Word Count: 2,122

Author’s Note: So this is the fic I cried over the other day haha. I really really really loved writing this request because I myself am plus size so this was personal and like I said, I really loved it, and I hope you enjoy it as much as I do. :)

Masterlist || Add yourself to one of my taglists

Here's the thing. Dating Tom Holland is a dream. Being practically a nobody who just graduated high school and meeting Tom Holland in the middle of England while on vacation was the best thing ever. I'd seen him with other girls so nothing prepared me for the absolute tongue tied boy, drooling over me. Especially because the girls he could get were skinnier and way prettier. He loved the slight tummy and thighs I had though. 

"Y-you're into me?" He nodded, taking my hands in his own over the table he had snuck me away to in a bar after he'd pursued me. I just smiled, his dark brown eyes staring into mine,

"You're so perfect." I just scoffed,

"You know I'm only eighteen right? And I'm not skinny or famous or anything?"

"That's not what I want anyways. I'm not much older than eighteen. Just a couple years. I don't want some skinny twig model girlfriend. Those are like the stereotypical girlfriends. I like you. H-how do you feel about me?" For him to be nervous when he was completely irresistible was the cutest thing ever. His chocolate brown eyes softened as if he was afraid of some sort of rejection. I just giggled.

"I like you too Tom." He let out a breath like that was the last thing he expected, giving my hand a gentle and reassuring squeeze. The first few months he was so deep in love, it was hard for him not to tell anyone but close friends and family. I was afraid of what the public would think of us. Despite all of the hyping up of heavy girls on social media, there were still those haters that would have ripped me apart and as much as Tom wanted to share his girlfriend with everyone, he wanted to protect me as much as he could.

"Why don't you wear my tees babe?" Tom asked one day, cocking his head and looking up from his phone. He stroked over my calves resting in his lap when laughed,

"Where's this comin from?"

"I just see all these girls wearing their boyfriend's t-shirts and you don't. I'm just curious why." He replied with a shrug. When I was quiet for a moment, Tom looked up again, his brow furrowing,

"What's the matter?" I shook my head, feeling the lump in my throat. Not because of  him. Not because he did anything wrong. More because of the disappointment with myself,

"Nothing. I uhh... I don't wear your shirts because they don't... they don't fit." If he could've been more dramatic in his surprise he would have, dragging me down into his arms with the loudest gasp ever.

"Oh baby, I'm so so sorry. It's okay. Don't say anything. You're not fat, I'm just lean and... I'll buy bigger ones if you'd like. You're perfect darling. I love you so much." He rushed out, kissing all over my face and squishing me into his body. Truth be told, Tom did seriously love me and it was a bit of a surprise. He could have whoever he wanted. He could have a brave and confident girl who had a perfect body and a stunning face, practically Instagram model material. I was none of those things. He disagreed, but I had my flaws and just like most girls, I didn't enjoy much about me.

The day Tom accidentally let it slip that we were together was the best and the worst day of my life. I didn't even realize what had happened until my phone was blown up with notifications of people tagging me in the reveal and commenting on my photos some of the nicest things I'd ever seen. But for one would comment, was ten bad ones. Just as I'd suspected, most of Tom's fans weren't happy he was with me.

"Babe? Y/N? Honey?"

"Tom stop." I choked out, staring down at the same page in my math book as I had an hour ago, trying to study for my exam, but to no avail. I wanted so badly to slap his hands away when he started rubbing my shoulders. He sighed as tears flooded my eyes as if he knew,

"Maybe you should leave me. I'll never be good enough for you and now that I've done this..." I closed my eyes, trying not to break down in a fit of sobs,

"Did you see what they said? How can the same people that argue heavy girls are just as beautiful as skinny girls be so cruel?" When my voice cracked, he bent down, kissing the exposed skin of my neck,

"I don't know baby. I really don't know, but did you see some of the good comments? You got some really amazing supporters. I think they overpower the bad. You're beautiful and those people that think you're not, can't see past their noses. You are absolutely stunning and anyone that can't see that and can't see how in love with you I am has no right to call themselves a fan of mine." Turning my face he could see the toll it'd taken on me. He knew I'd seen every comment and that each one was a new slap in the face. People called me fat. People called me a whore because I was eighteen rather than twenty one or twenty two. People called me ugly. People had called me a money grubbing bitch, just with Tom for the fame. He knew how it had affected me and he knew I was hurt. But he had been called things too. I'd seen the comments made about him being a "pedophile." And yes, they didn't affect me because as much as people denied it, I was a consenting adult. I was fully capable of making my own decisions and as Tom had said to me, he isn't that much older.

"People are stupid. I mean seriously, they act like this is all statutory rape. You're an adult and so am I and I find you irresistible. You're gorgeous." A small smile spread across my lips. He smiled back, running his hands up my sides,

"I'm in love with all of you. You're my everything and I am not gonna stop because these people think I can be with someone 'better'. You're my better and they don't know me. They don't know how happy you make me and they don't know what we have." Sitting on the bed just beside me, he makes me look at him,

"I promise you that no matter what happens, you are my girl and I will marry you one day. I swear on my life okay?" Holding his hand out, he waits for me to take it before pulling me towards him. I squealed, practically falling into his lap,

"Tom!" He chuckled, laying back on the bed,

"I'm more in love with you than I've ever been with anyone. I've never seen a prettier girl than you. I don't care what anyone says, you are MY girl, not theirs." I can't help the smile that crosses my face,

"I love you." He reaches up to caress my cheek, holding his arm out as I lay just beside them,

"I love you more. We've been in this relationship for almost a year and you know what? I'm not letting you go because some stupid people that call themselves fans don't find you attractive. I find you attractive and that's less people I have to fight for you." I giggled again, leaning in to kiss his soft lips,

"Thank you. While I'm not glad you let it slip, I am glad that you were willing to stand up for me. I've never loved you more than I do now. I think this brought us impossibly closer." He nodded, wrapping his arm around my shoulders and bringing my thigh up over his waist, his hand resting on my knee,

"Me too. And as far as the age thing goes, I'm only four years older than you and neither of us have cared. Age is just a number. It's not like I'm dating a girl way older than me or like a fourteen year old."

"The age thing wasn't a worry Tom. I really could care less. I've just always struggled with my weight and seeing all those people curious about the same thing I was all those months ago, but in a much ruder way was kinda devastating. I've always wanted you to be happy and I was scared that you'd realize something and leave me. I just don't want you to be miserable when you could have something better."

"Nothing is better than this." He crawled over me, kissing my collarbone. Creeping down my body, he lifted my shirt to kiss my stomach,

"There's so much more of you to love baby girl." Creeping further down, he nipped at the skin of my thigh, a smile creeping to his lips when I squealed and then giggled. Running his large hands over my thighs, he sat up straight, resting back on his shins,

"You're soft. Do you know why I love you? I love you because you are the sweetest. My family fell in love with you the same as I did. You're the prettiest. You don't have to wear makeup to be absolutely stunning. And a messy bun... oh lord girl. AND you know what you're doing. You and I both know you're great in bed. And you're an amazing make out partner. I don't plan on giving that up any time soon." When he leaned in, I flicked a curl from his eyes,

"I love you Tommy. I know its dumb of me to doubt myself. I know how in love with me you are. I just don't want you to be missing out on something."

"There's nothing else sweet thing. I love you with everything in me. I love all of you and no matter what is said you will always be my girl. You're way more comfortable than any other girl I've been with and that's what I want. I don't want some girl that's gonna be so uncomfortable to eat, or be without a bra or makeup in front of me. I want a confident woman. Someone who gets along with my family and treats them like her own. And that's exactly what you are. You're my baby." I giggled and squirmed as he tickled me, his lips falling over mine. He held my hands in his own, kissing down my neck,

"Tom?"

"Hmm?" Waiting until his eyes were on me again, I searched the dark brown irises,

"Thank you... seriously. You've never treated me bad and I seriously don't think I could do any of this without you. You're my rock and you're the most down to earth and sweetest person ever. I don't think I could've picked a better man if I tried." He smiled, stroking his thumb over my cheek,

"Of course baby. You mean the world to me and I intend to show you as much as I can." Kissing me again, he let his lips linger for a moment before gasping into my mouth,

"Babe! Now you can go to GALA's and premieres with me. Oh babe, we're gonna have paparazzi picture and we can... oh my god there's so much we can do. We can hold hands in public now!" I giggled again as he bounced on his knees, standing and grabbing his phone,

"Now that we're freaking in the press I know what I wanna do."

"Yeah, what's that?" Turning with a wide smile, he flashed me the folder of our couple photos to me,

"Wanna let me introduce you to the fans? Hey, if it's any constellation, if there's a negative comment, the fans'll just rip-"

"Yes Tom," he found my eyes again, his lashes fluttering, "yes you can post a few photos. Maybe it'll be a nice, fresh change up from you and Harrison with the dumb shit you post." He tsked,

"Ahh, now that's just rude. Now I don't know if I wanna share anything about you you meanie." I giggled as he sat back on the edge of the bed. Throwing my legs around him, I laid my chin on his shoulder, wrapping my arms around his middle and watching him type away and post his photos. With a skip of my heart, and a little blue loading bar, Tom straightened up and sighed through his nose, our photos appearing before us amongst his friends' and family's photos and instantly blowing up,

"Alright world... meet my girl."

[courage-a-word-of-justice]

Morose Mononokean II 4 - 7 | Mob Psycho 100 II 4 - 7 | My Roommate is a Cat 4 - 6 | Double Decker! EX 1 | Egao no Daika 5 - 7 | Shield Hero 4 - 6 | Magical Girl Spec Ops Asuka 4 - 6 | Royal Tutor movie

Morose Mononokean II 4

Aw, another little fuzzball to steal away my heart? I’m being spoiled, aren’t I?

For some reason, this episode was meant to be really emotional, but I felt pretty restless while watching it. Probably because I was thinking about playing Merc Storia all that time.

Mob Psycho 100 II 4

Didn’t expect Shinra to be back after his previous appearance…

Notably, you’d expect Matsuo’s name to have the kanji for “pine tree” in it, but it doesn’t - it has the kanji for “demon” and then one more.

I loved it when FLCL and SGRS went into manga mode, but for some reason, the transition into manga mode didn’t land as well here…hmm.

“I’ll go inside her…With an out-of-body experience.” - That sounds majorly wronggggggggggg, Mob, y’know? Even with context.

I find it interesting Mob perceives himself to be naked…as in, unguarded. He’s fine as he is and doesn’t need to change…in some ways, anyway. He could probably do with a few more emotions, but you get what I mean.

Wha-wha-wha-whoaaaaaaaaa. You mean, Mogami just got rid of Mob’s powers??? That is a nasty cliffhanger!

My Roommate is a Cat 4

Just seeing Hiroto near Kawase’s armpit…so unfazed…it’s kinda funny, but only mildly.

Tuxedo cat…ergh. The differences between American and British English never ceases to trip me up…I mean, the term makes sense…it’s just the differences between the types of English I’m annoyed at.

If you observe the OP, you’ll see Haru has that collar…I’m not sure if that’s meant to be a spoiler then…

Haru basically has the mindset of Kaguya and Shirogane, which makes this hilarious (and yet it’s still justified due to being a believable mindset for a stray!).

S-Smug dog!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Get out of the way of Haru-chan!

Shield Hero 4

“Draw your swords!” – Wasn’t there a rule saying Naofumi can’t use a sword anyway? Plus, Motoyasu has a spear, not a sword…

Balloon? Now, that’s funny!

Using magic to intervene is the cowardly action, methinks, Myne.

I find it interesting Naofumi sees Raphtalia as a little girl – it’s a perception of vulnerability, potentially weakness – when things are shown through his perspective.

Falling Through Starlight is beautiful, y’know that? Be-a-uuuuuuuuuuu-t-i-ful!

Magical Girl Spec Ops Asuka 4

Interestingly, Francine kinda looks like Mami (Madoka Magica).

Wait, is this woman Miura? (Sorry, I’m just wondering why Abigail – the blonde evil magical girl – would choose to use yakiniku to threaten people…)

Oh dear…it’s that train question (save one or save many).

Neding authority before you can actually do anything legal…now that sounds like Double Decker.

“Chef”? I was mortified when it came to the rusalka scene…but I think we already know why Povar is a chef…

CQC? Close quarters combat? Ooh, I’ve never heard it abbreviated before.

Well, I like how Povar and Rusalka Man (can’t spell Russian to save my life) always keep their salaries in mind. Makes them easier to see as evil.

Egao no Daika 5

Oh, this series has two moons? Kind of like Double Decker’s two suns, yeah?

I just realised Lily’s the only one with a skirt on her suit…

Morose Mononokean II 5

I don’t think I’ve seen a Fuzzy-centric episode ever since the first time we met the furball…

That hand on neck thing is apparently a CIA technique if I interpreted it right…just, it’s applied to a purple/white lion, so it’s hard to tell whether it’s the real thing…

Fluffy tadpole is best tadpole. All fluffy things are cute to me, even the lethal ones…I guess.

Seriously, if someone doesn’t call the animation of the Executive sakuga, I don’t know sakuga! That crow is some fancy animation!

Hanae’s mother is scarier than most youkai, given she can give me a nasty jump scare!

Mob Psycho II 5

This episode’s called Discord…which maks me think of the chat program of the same name…weird, huh?

Notably, it’s Dimple’s voice coming from Mob’s mouth…hmm.

That episode was real cool…it’s too bad by turning off the volume at the wrong time, I missed the Sajou no Hana song…

My Roommate is a Cat 5

Roku, Nana, Hachi…haha.

I noticed Haru has smaller eyes than Hachi…aside from the collar of course.

Aw…reunion too cute. I honestly think that this show has a fairly effective use of “filling in the gaps”, as it were, and thus making good use of cuts.

Double Decker! EX 1

Yep, we’re back with Double Decker!!! I’m glad to see it back, really.

Wait…ohhhhhhhhh. So Double Decker! doesn’t just refer to the bus in this show or the system. It means “2 Detectives” in Japanese (in a codeswitching sort of way). It was wordplay all along! Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh! I get it now!

This Deana assassin stuff must be a lie…

(after the commercial break) C’mon, Kirill, buddy. You’re drunk, y’know that, right…? Right??? Update: Oh, not drunk, dreaming. My mistake.

Oh, I was just saying that My Roommate is a Cat dos a nice job “filling in gaps”. Didn’t realise Double Decker did it as well. Also, how the heck is Doug unpopular with women???

So…Kirill actually got hired based on his feminine looks? Geesh, that Travis…

The thing I missed about this show was not being able to play the ED after an episode, so I’m glad to have it back!

Spec Ops Asuka 5

Having Kurumi fix up Nozomi’s arm kind of erases the consequences…but that’s what Kurumi’s for, right?

Barber Scissors…? Is this what happens when you take Kill la Kill way too seriously?

Wowee. Din’t think Sacchuu was capable of dealing nasty punches as well.

There’s gotta be some sort of parallel between Abigail and the queen vs Asuka and Kurumi…

Post-credits segment. Keep watching.

Shield Hero 5

Headbutt to the nuts! Oof!

When it comes to races, the one tune that comes to mind is one from the Dog Island (track 22 from this YouTube playlist).

I swear there was CGI during the race…on Filo.

Please don’t make jokes about Naofumi liking lolis, people. This is not that type of show…

Mononokean 6

Is it just me, or has this epiode been relying on the use of blue speech bubbles for humour more than normal?

It’s Mononokean: Sports Anime edition!

For some reason, I find the name “trashboat” hilarious. It was probably just “ponkotsu” (piece of trash) in practice, but the variation in English is really something to behold…

Ashiya sleeps like an old man, LOL. It must be cosy in that bed…

Moja is just adorable in whatever scene it appears in! Even Moja being dragged down a stream is cute~!

Relaxing your shoulders, huh? That reminds me that that’s a destress technique I haven’t used in a while. My head’s been spinning while I was trying to watch this episode, so I should probably get back to trying to do that stuff…after this episode, of course.

Price of Smiles 6

You think Spec Ops Asuka looks bad? Look at Price of Smiles melt in this “Yuni! You should recover!” scene.

For some reason, this one dude (I forget his name) being a father surprises me. He looks like the type to be single…

The female version of the name “Noel” is Noelle…get that right, people!

Layla’s right when she says one of the main causes of war is the struggle for resources and wealth.

Mob Psycho II 6

I noticed instead of a Mac or something, the computer is a “One” computer.

The board says something a lot more complicated than Saitama’s routine…which means One likes exercise. Maybe…probably.

“Codomo” phone, LOL.

The last time I heard of tofu in anime that I remember…was Boueibu. Something about Ryuu killing a man with tofu.

Somehow it didn’t occur to me until the eyecatch was over but the block…was tofu!

How do you even get drunk when there’s no alcohol in the drink??? (LOL)

Oh! Shinra again!

…Also Jodo Kirin!

Shield Hero 6

Naofumi is giving 0 f**ks about the dressmaker’s love of Filo.

Why is Filo CGI…? It looks unnerving, to be honest with you.

My Roommate is a Cat 6

Eleventh grade…16? 17? Heck, Yugo looks 27, not 17!

Notably, “Comic Polaris” is the name of the magazine that publishes the manga of this. Hence “Novels Polaris”.

Heck, Subaru. In the internet age in particular, people write to affect others. I should know, as someone who did just that just a few years ago!

Oushitsu Kyoushi Heine movie

Yay, we’re back! Crunchyroll bringing over movies is definitely increasing my workload for these commentaries, so with all the new things I’ve added to my lists of priorities as of late, I wonder if I can keep up…

Hitting us with CGI in the first minute of the movie…oh man, how far does CGI go these days???

Honestly, in my brain Wagner (Classicaloid) = the twins (this movie) = the Beppus (Boueibu LOVE! LOVE!). They’re very similar in terms of personality…

In the same way, Bruno = Schubert from Classicaloid (but swap one’s Sensei for the other’s Senpai).

Licht = Motz.

It seems like someone liked ponytail!Licht enough to keep him here. So it really wasn’t just me, huh?

Seriously, what’s this “God of War” stuff anyway???

Man, vocal exercises? This takes me back to my piano-playing days…I was a sightreader and only had to do one of the two (out of sightreading and vocal stuff), but there was someone else who had to do both.

This piano is bugging me. Its white keys are black and its black keys are white!

Somehow, Heine’s small top hat suits him. It’s probably because he wears a small beret in that same position usually.

More CGI background characters…*sigh*

Hmm…soft power at its finest(?)

Seriously though, why did that evil Duke guy appear in this movie again??? He has zero use plotwise. Sure, he was important in the first season and if we ever get a second he’ll be important there, but here? Nada!

Have you noticed Heine is in all those dance positions a girl would normally be in??? Hmm! Interesting! But still…if there’s one thing I ever missed from the anime’s experience, it would be-oh, scratch that! This is my cue to watch the cheesy live-action dance ending! I missed it so much!

Egao no Daika 7

Seriously…who is Eins talking to??? Whose emperor???

They still haven’t revealed what this new guy’s name is, even after his introduction…well, technically he was introduced at the River Deese, but we still didn’t learn his name then. (Did we?)

Spec Ops Asuka 6

Is Mia just this show’s version of Kyouko (from Madoka Magica, but American of course)???

Oooooookay, that (with the kissing and stuff) is so not what foreigners are like, people…

Oh, goodness. Have I really been living with this stuff (girl x girl teasing, with Kurumi in particular being one of the more extreme examples I’ve seen) in my magical girl anime for years now? I mean, Suite PreCure is laced with the stuff…

If ordinary rigor mortis business is at work, then I’d say the heater is to speed up the rotting of the corpse…

LOL, there’s Halloween-class…and then there’s Voorhees-class…how appropriate for Disas.

“Only one of the Magical Five would’ve known about that phrase.” – My bets are on Peipei, but we’ll find out for sure…someday.

Mononokean 7

As much as I found the pillow fight scene with Fuzzy in it funny, I swear Abeno is a bit too sadistic for my own good. What is it with some women and their sadistic kinks…?

Abeno calling Ashiya “hunk of junk” makes me think Ashiya isn’t much of a Sousuke (from Classicaloid), but they do have a lot of similar character traits, now that I think of it…hmm.

For some reason, I think Abeno knew the conditions of the deal and what the deal entailed in advance, hence the training camp.

Seiza…means sitting on the floor in the position Ashiya was in (knees to the floor etc).

Mob Psycho II 7

“Cheeseburger Tornado”, LOL.

When Reigen got angry at the TV, I was just like, “It’s Shield Hero (Mob Psycho version)!” I.e. you con the conman and not turn the conned into a conman…or something like that.

Those microphones are so obviously CGI, people…

I know I’m a fan of Yuzuru Tachikawa, but episode 5 actually didn’t do too much for me, to be honest (even though it was visual spectacle, which is Tachikawa’s strong suit). However, while episode 7 looked less punchy overall, it was miles better…

“First-press limited edition? That is the absolute best decision.” – What is that referring to??? Update: It’s referring to the BDs...or DVDs...or both.

Update: Forgot to add Double Decker to the title and tags.

[imsvg]

Finding You chapter 3: meeting

Fandom: Hibike! Euphonium/Sound! Euphonium Pairings:  Kumiko/Reina; Natsuki/Yuuko; implied Asuka/Kaori/Haruka; Nozomi/Mizore; Hazuki/Shuuichi Summary:  Two years have passed since Reina left after their second-year. Two years have passed and Kumiko is now a freshman in college. Two years have passed and she receives a letter from Reina. Two years have passed but something Kumiko thought she lost is making its way to her. Words: 6.3k+ Previous Chapters: 1 | 2 Links: FF is here! AO3 is here!

i recc reading it on AO3. oh, and sorry for not updating yesterday lmao

“You didn’t sleep?”

Kumiko’s gaze went from staring out the train window to Natsuki. She was resting her head atop a sleeping Yuuko’s, whose ribbon flaps fell over her eyes like rabbit ears.

“No,” Kumiko said as she hugged her duffel bag closer to her. “I’m not that tired.”

Natsuki let out a noise as she rubbed one of her eyes. “Well, that’s one of us. Yuuko and I packed last minute, so we ended up pulling an all-nighter packing.”

“Maybe you should have done it earlier,” Kumiko said with an amused smile. Natsuki’s glare didn’t faze her.

“Ah, shaddup. I’ve heard enough of that from Yuuko last night.” She covered her mouth to stifle a yawn.

Kumiko chuckled, and turned her head to look out the window again. The suburban scenery was blurring together like forgotten memories. Soon, the gray buildings grew sparser and sparser until they gave way to green pastures and an open blue sky, the sun rising just above the horizon of faraway hills.

Nostalgia hit her in the chest when she remembered the first time Reina took her to Mount Daikichi.

She wanted to hop on a train to an unknown destination, Kumiko recalled. We never did that, did we?

Maybe you will, one day, Something said.

“That paper yours?” Natsuki said, pulling Kumiko out of her thoughts.

Kumiko peered over her luggage and saw that one of Reina’s letters had slipped out of her bag. “Ah, thanks,” she said as she bent over to pick the letter off the floor.

“I’m assumin’ that’s from Reina.”

“Yeah. I got it yesterday.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” Kumiko took a quick glance at the letter, skimming through the words for important details. A number was scribbled on the bottom of the page. The sight of it made Kumiko’s heart jolt, and for a moment, she felt like she was back in high school, anticipation shaking her nerves at the mere thought of hearing Reina’s voice through the phone.

A snort made Kumiko jump.

She looked over the letter to see Natsuki grinning at her. With the way her hair framed her face, she looked like the personification of mischief, and Kumiko didn’t like the sight of it.

“Wh-what?” She asked, failing to sound casual.

Natsuki’s grin grew bigger, and she shook her head. “Nothing.”

Kumiko’s lips curled into a frown. “Doesn’t seem like nothing.”

“Well, it’s just”—Natsuki paused to chuckle—”for a moment, I thought we were back in high school.”

“Why’s that?”

“You had that look in your eyes. The one where your eyes would kind of dim yet sparkle at the same time whenever you spoke about or saw Reina. I always thought it was a mix of admiration or somethin’, but now that I know about everythin’ that happened between you”—Natsuki’s expression melted into one of gentle understanding—”that was one of love, huh?”

Kumiko felt a stitch on her heart snap. Natsuki’s gaze suddenly felt heavy, and Kumiko had to look out the train window to alleviate the weight.

“…Did I say too much?”

Kumiko shook her head. “No. It’s just when you said that, I just…remembered how much I really missed her.” The sensation of tears began to burn the back of her eyes, and she had to blink rapidly to keep them at bay. “I’m kind of scared to see to her again,” she added quietly.

“Even though you’ve been talkin’ to her?”

“Yeah. Kinda stupid, huh?”

“Nah, I don’t think so.”

Kumiko looked at Natsuki, who was wearing the smallest of smiles. “Really?”

“Really. Talking to the person you love face-to-face is a completely different experience. Compared to writing out what you feel, it’s a whole lot harder. Or, in my opinion it is. It’s easier to choke up, you know?”

Kumiko nodded slowly, and a crooked smile made its way onto her face. “Yeah. I did that all the time whenever I was alone with Reina.”

Natsuki chuckled as she brushed a strand of Yuuko’s hair behind her ear. “I feel that.”

“That’s not surprising. You always choke up when you’re sentimental.” Kumiko smiled as the memory of Natsuki gross-sobbing in front of the entire band during their farewell banquet came to mind.

“Doesn’t everyone?”

Kumiko hummed, and quietly watched as Natsuki twined her fingers with Yuuko’s. She could feel Jealousy’s flames burning the underside of her gut.

Must be nice to have someone like that, Jealousy said. Kumiko felt a bitter taste fill her mouth. She turned her head towards the window, suddenly feeling like an outsider observing a world that only Natsuki and Yuuko inhabited.

“You should go and sleep,” Kumiko heard Natsuki say gently. “I’ll keep watch for our stop.”

Kumiko let out a small noise of confirmation and closed her eyes. She caught the noise of rustling, followed by quiet conversation, the voices belonging to Natsuki and a husky Yuuko. Their words sounded far away, and Kumiko felt the distinct feeling of Loneliness burying itself in her chest.

As she slipped into unconsciousness, Kumiko noticed that her hand felt unbearably cold.

-X-

you never said it aloud but

you loved holding her hand

because it gave you

security

comfort

understanding

even if nothing was

said between the both of you

she understood the

love that spilled from the

heart you held in your palm,

transferring its warmth to your fingertips

that intertwined around hers

in an intimate embrace that only

lovers knew

sometimes it was her who reached out first

sometimes it was you

but once your hands touched there was

warmth

patience

kindness

the formula for love

and everything nice

was something you held in your hand

it’s no wonder that

the moment she left

your fingers felt

cold

empty

alone

-X-

“We’re lucky we made it out on time, considering how you were out like a rock,” Yuuko said, shooting Kumiko a look. Kumiko gave a sheepish smile and scratched the back of her neck.

“Sorry, senpai,” she said with a chuckle.

“So much for not being tired, huh?” Natsuki said, prodding Kumiko’s side with her elbow.

“She probably pulled an all-nighter packing.” Yuuko flicked her glare in Natsuki’s direction. “Like a certain someone—”

Natsuki sighed and rolled her eyes. “You’re still on about that?”

Yuuko bristled and stomped up to Natsuki. “Of course I’m still on about that!”

Taking this as a sign to leave, Kumiko made brief eye contact with Natsuki and pointed over her shoulder with her thumb. Natsuki gave an ‘okay’ sign before turning her attention back to an angry Yuuko.

Kumiko briskly walked away, her strides as long as she could make them. She weaved through the crowd, muttering quiet apologizes under her breath when her bag slammed into someone on accident.

Finally, after many collisions and apologies, Kumiko found herself outside the train station. She inhaled, taking in the scent of street food and the river, taking in the scent of home. She held her breath for a split second before exhaling, an easy smile finding its way onto her lips. She took in the sight of the Uji River, taking in the familiar sight of home she took for granted when she was younger.

“I’m home,” she mumbled.

“Kumiko?”

“Gwah!” Kumiko jumped and looked around. “Who’s tha—oh.” She furrowed her face into a scowl. “It’s you.”

The slight smile on Shuuichi’s face, which now bolstered the faint beginnings of a beard, turned into a slight frown. “Nice to see you, too.”

“You shopping?” Kumiko asked, glancing at the plastic bag he held.

“Eh, somethin’ like that. Mom asked me to run some errands for her.” Shuuichi shrugged and continued walking to his original destination. Kumiko followed; her house was in the same direction, anyways.

“You still live with her?” Kumiko asked.

“That a problem?”

“No. It’s cute.”

Shuuichi clicked his tongue. Kumiko noticed the tips of his ears turning red. “Sh-shut up.”

“What’s new?”

“Nothing much. Got out of school.”

“Same. What’s your major?”

“Went in undeclared.”

“Looks like we’re in the same boat. For once.”

Shuuichi chuckled. “Looks like we can actually get along if we try.”

“Don’t push it, Shuushit.”

“Ouch. I forgot how much I missed that nickname.”

Kumiko let out a laugh. “Glad to bring back old memories.”

“What’re you doing back here? Here for the Agata Festival?”

Kumiko shrugged. “Somethin’ like that. Hazuki-chan told me to come back for summer vacation, since it’s the Agata Festival. Plus I haven’t been home in a while.”

Shuuichi snorted. “I’d say it’s been more than a while.”

Kumiko hummed. “Say, speaking of a while”—she looked at Shuuichi, and for the first time, noticed the faint outline of bags under his eyes—”Hazuki-chan told me that you two have been together for a while.”

“I-is that so?” Shuuichi asked, his face and ears turning beet red. “W-when?”

“Over the phone several weeks ago.”

“H-huh….”

“Are you…okay? You look like you’re ready to pass out.” Kumiko furrowed her eyebrows together.

“Ah, well,” Shuuichi began, scratching the back of his neck, “it’s—hm—I’m still trying to get used to it, you know?”

“Being in a relationship?”

“Yeah, something like that.”

A silence settled between the both of them, but a question weighed heavily on Kumiko’s mind. It tickled the tip of her tongue, trying to slip past her lips, but she didn’t dare open her mouth; she didn’t want to say something she would regret.

Her struggle seemed to show on her face, since Shuuichi said, “You know, if you have something you want to ask, you can go ahead and ask.”

Kumiko opened her mouth, then closed it like a fish.

“Go ahead,” Shuuichi urged.

“Mind if I’m honest?”

“If you weren’t, you wouldn’t be Kumiko.”

Her lips quirked into a small smile that disappeared as quickly as it had appeared. “Do you really like Hazuki-chan? Like, honestly?”

“What makes you say that?”

Answering a question with a question; a sign of a guilty man, Logic deduced.

“Well…I just remembered back in high school when you rejected her, is all. What made you come back ‘round?” Kumiko asked.

“…Mind if I’m honest with you?”

“‘Course.”

“I honestly don’t know.” Shuuichi let out a heavy exhale and scratched the back of his neck. “Like, she’s a great person, really. While, admittedly, she isn’t all that bright, she has a big heart, big ambitions, and well, she’s really cute, you know? Even back in high school, I always thought she was cute. But I never thought of her in that way because…you know….”

Kumiko allowed Shuuichi’s words to die in the air, letting the breeze whisk them away to places unknown. The wind left silence in its wake, along with a faint memory of the summer of their second-year.

Shuuichi confessed to her then. Standing beside the river, with the sun painting the sky with oranges and pinks, it was the picture-perfect moment for love to blossom between two people.

Kumiko and Shuuichi weren’t those people.

“…Sorry, Shuuichi,” Kumiko said, just above a whisper. A pang of sympathy struck her heart.

“No, it’s okay. It’s been almost two years now,” Shuuchi said. He added a chuckle at the end, but Kumiko could still hear the hurt in his voice. “I should be over it.”

“But you’re not.” It was more of a statement than a question.

Shuuichi said nothing.

“Is…that why you began dating Hazuki-chan in the first place? As a rebound?”

“Partially.” Shuuichi turned to Kumiko. “Does that make me a scumbag?”

A crooked smile pulled on Kumiko’s lips. “I would say yes, but I would have probably done the same if I had the heart to.”

His face turned into one of understanding. “You still not over Reina?”

“It’s hard to get over your first love.”

Shuuichi chuckled, and Kumiko swore she heard bitterness in his voice. “You’re right about that,” he muttered quietly.

An uncomfortable silence fell between them, but luckily for Kumiko, they approached the intersection where she knew they had to part ways.

“My house is this way,” Kumiko said, pointing to the right.

Shuuichi smiled crookedly. “Surprised you remember where it is.”

“Shut up, Shuushit.”

He laughed and raised his hand in farewell. “I’ll see you later, then.”

Kumiko did the same, and began her stride again.

“Wait.”

Kumiko stopped and turned around. Shuuichi was looking at her, a serious glint in his eyes.

“…Yes?” Kumiko asked.

“You…don’t have to worry about me hurting Hazuki.” He said nothing, as if waiting for confirmation to continue. Kumiko gave it in the form of a nod. “Because, honestly, every time I’m with her…I’m very, very happy.” He broke his stoic mask with a small, sincere smile, and for a moment, Kumiko was taken aback.

Who knew that the pathetic, aloof Shuuichi she grew up with could make such an expression?

“That’s good,” Kumiko finally said with a small smile. “That’s really good.”

Shuuichi’s smile turned awkward, and with a brief nod, turned to cross the street. Kumiko watched him disappear into the crowd, Gram’s words echoed in her head.

Love finds its way.

As she turned around to make her way to her house, Kumiko found herself wondering when love would find its way back to her.

-X-

“I’m home!” Kumiko called out, kicking off her shoes at the doorfront. The running water that was playing in the background was shut off, and Kumiko’s mother shuffled into view, wiping her hands on a rag.

“You’re back!” Akiko exclaimed, her eyes widening with surprise before it melted into a warm smile. Kumiko replied with one of her own, and welcomed her mother’s embrace with open arms. Kumiko took a breath, taking in the faint scent of caramelized sugar that clung to her mother wherever she went.

An ache prodded at Kumiko’s heart when she realized how much she missed her family.

“You should have told us that you were coming back! I would have cleaned up!” Kumiko laughed and blocked herself from Akiko’s playful swats.

“Sorry, sorry,” Kumiko said, “but I kind of decided to come back last minute. Plus I thought it would be a good surprise, you know?”

Her mother shook her head, chuckling. “God, look at you,” she breathed out, taking Kumiko’s face in her calloused, yet warm hands. She scrutinized Kumiko’s visage, and Kumiko did the same. She noticed the gray streaks now tainting her mother’s black hair, the deepening eye bags, and the faint lines of wrinkles setting in.

She’s gotten older, Kumiko thought.

A wave of despondency rose up in her throat, but Kumiko forced it down when she saw her mother’s smile grow even larger.

“You’re so beautiful….” Akiko brushed a strand of hair behind her ear, a gesture she did so many times before. “No words can describe how much I missed you,” she added quietly, her eyes glazing over with sadness.

Kumiko could only reply with a small smile; she didn’t trust herself to say her sentiments aloud, lest she break down crying. Clearing her throat, she changed the subject with a quick, “Where’s Dad?” and peered over her mother’s shoulder.

“He’s still at work. But how about you put your stuff in your room, and then help me with dinner, hm?” Kumiko nodded, and the both of them went their separate ways.

The door to her old room creaked its welcome when Kumiko opened it. Peering inside, she noticed that her room was as exactly as she had left it two years ago; unsettlingly clean, save for the thin film of dust in the nooks and crannies of her room.

As Kumiko put her duffel bag down on her bed, she had the distinct feeling that something felt off, yet so familiar at the same time, like she was reuniting with an old friend.

Maybe this is what Reina felt when she visited Kitauji, Something whispered in her mind.

She pushed the thought aside and exited her room.

Kumiko shut the door behind her, and noticed that the door to her sister’s room was slightly ajar. Peering through the crack, she saw that the sheets on Mamiko’s bed were mussed and crooked.

“Is Nee-chan back?” Kumiko asked once she entered the kitchen.

Akiko shook her head, never taking her eyes off the tomatoes she was mincing. “Someone used her room for lodging for several days. They just left so I need to clean her room up.”

A bitter taste hit the back of Kumiko’s throat. “Is…is that so?”

Akiko hummed, giving Kumiko an onion to peel. “She hasn’t been home for a while. You know that, Kumiko.”

“Yeah,” she mumbled, “I know.” Once she finished peeling, Kumiko grabbed a knife from the drawer in front of her. “Has she contacted you at all since I left?” She asked, chopping the onion in half.

“She sent a letter a week ago.”

A sense of déjà vu came over Kumiko. “Did she? What did she say?”

“Mm, she said she was doing well,” Akiko said after a while, “and that she doesn’t regret leaving college to pursue make-up. She’s been training under this beautician in…Osaka, I believe? It’s essentially a paid internship, and once she finishes that, she plans on opening her own beauty shop.”

Kumiko blinked back tears as she sliced the onion into paper-thin strips. “Really? Where?”

“Somewhere.”

“Have you guys replied?”

“No, not yet. We’ve been too busy. Plus, your father is a proud man; he still has a hard time accepting what happened.”

“It’s been more than three years.”

“Exactly my point.”

For a moment, the sound of knives hitting the cutting board was the only sound that filled the silence.

“She also asked how you were,” Akiko finally said.

Kumiko ignored how her heart lurched in her chest. “Really?”

“Mm.”

“Maybe I’ll call her later.”Kumiko said, her quiet words being drowned out by the loud sizzling filling the air as she poured the onions into the pan.

“You should. She says she misses and loves you.”

While she was sautéing, Kumiko had to pause to wipe away the tears rolling down her cheeks.

As she did so, she told herself she was crying because of the onions and nothing else.

-X-

Call Transcript

Kumiko Oumae → Mamiko Oumae

6:34 PM

MO: Hello?

KO: Nee-chan?

MO: Oh, Kumiko! You’re still alive?

KO: [laughs] Surprisingly. How’ve you been?

MO: Good, tired. [yawns] You?

KO: I’m alright. I’m on break now.

MO: Yeah? You doing anything interesting?

KO: Well, I went back home since Hazuki-chan told me to visit. Plus the Agata Festival is coming up.

MO: Ooh, that does sound like fun.

KO: Mm.

[Silence]

MO: Was there…a reason why you called me?

KO: A-ah, uh, mm—kind of?

MO: If you’re trying to ask me to come home, I’m not going to.

KO: I—I figured as much. [Pause] Nee-chan?

MO: Mm?

KO: Are you ever going to come back? To Uji?

MO: Did Mom tell you about the letter?

KO: Yeah. She told me that you were training in Osaka, and that you plan on opening your own shop one day.

MO: [laughs] Oh, good. So they did get the letter after all.

KO: Why?

MO: Don’t tell them this, but I’m planning on opening it in Uji.

KO: Is it to spite Dad?

MO: Kind of. [chuckles] And, you know, to show him that I actually did it. I want him to know that I’m not some…washed-up college dropout, you know? That I actually have ambitions and passions, and I’m going to follow them. Even if it means not being that perfect daughter that they imagined.

KO: [chuckles] It’s kind of weird hearing you say that.

MO: Why’s that?

KO: Because you were so adamant whenever you spoke to me about school. You always told me to study hard and get into a good college so that I can do well in the future.

MO:  Times change. And, honestly, part of me did that so that I could hurt you.

KO: Yeah…?

MO: It might be because you’re the younger sibling, but I always thought that Mom and Dad treated you differently. They gave you everything, you know? Even if you wanted to pursue band in high school, they allowed you. Me? They basically told me to give it up so that I can be a rolemodel for you. I always thought that was unfair.

KO: Because that is unfair.

MO: [laughs] Glad to know you have my back.

KO: You don’t—you know—hate me, do you?

MO: What? Of course not! I love you to bits, Kumiko. Remember that.

KO: [quietly] I love you, too….

MO: Don’t cry on me, yet. We just started the call.

KO: [strained laughter] I’m trying. [sniffles]

MO: Good. So, changing topics, how’s college life?

KO: Mm, it’s okay, I guess? I’ve met new people and made new friends, so that’s a thing.

MO: Looks like my little sister’s finally spreading her wings.

KO: Leave me alone.

MO: You’re the one who called. [laughs] Are you still in band?

KO: Mmm, no. I didn’t know my college had one, so I didn’t audition. But next semester I will.

MO: That’s good. You’ve been practicing?

KO: When I have the time. [chuckles] I actually do the exercises that you taught me when I was in elementary.

MO: Do you?

KO: Yeah. The duck thing, H-factor, those things.

MO: [laughs] The hell’s the duck thing?

KO: You know, where you buzz your lips together to form the embouchure and you sound like a duck?

MO: Oh, that! [laughs louder] You’re very creative with your names.

KO: Shut up.

MO: Mm, you know, I’ve been thinking about picking up an instrument again.

KO: Yeah?

MO: Yeah.

KO: Are you going to do trombone again?

MO: No, I don’t think so. [chuckles] I live in a small apartment, so brass instruments would be too loud and bulky. And I don’t know if I want to play a concert instrument either. Maybe—maybe piano. Or guitar, you know? Something I can somewhat self-teach myself.

KO: I can see you playing piano, actually.

MO: Really?

KO: Yeah. You would look refined playing.

MO: If refined means messy buns, oversized T-shirts, and sweatpants, then yeah, I can totally see myself as refined.

KO: [laughs]

MO: Hey, Kumiko?

KO: Mm?

MO: You really inspire me, sometimes.

KO: [chuckles nervously] What’s with this, all of a sudden?

MO: It’s not really all of a sudden. I’ve always wanted to say it. It’s just—I don’t know—my pride got in the way. I was still bitter about everything. Watching you work so hard during your first year in high school to go to Nationals was one of the main reasons why I had the audacity to go through with chasing after my dream of becoming a beautician. So, thank you, Kumiko.

KO: [sniffles loudly] I—I r-really l-love you, y-y’know?

MO: Oh, don’t c-cry. [clears throat]

KO: A-am I g-going to make you c-cry? [laughs shakily]

MO: I-if you keep this up, maybe. [strained laughter]

KO: [voice cracking] G-God, I miss you s-so much.

MO: Same….

KO: A-and I—I love you.

MO: You already s-said that. [laughter followed by sniffles]

KO: D-don’t ever give up on y-your dream, okay? Promise?

MO: I should be t-telling you that. [chuckles]

KO: Promise?

MO: Only if you don’t either.

KO: I p-promise.

MO: Good. [sniffles, and then with disgust] Oh God, my mascara is running down my face.

KO: [strained laughter] Gross!

MO: [sighs] Oh, well, it’s whatever. It’s the end of the day, anyways. [Pause] Keep in touch, okay, Kumiko?

KO: Only if you will.

MO: Promise I will.

KO: Then, I promise I will, too.

MO: Talk to you later then, yeah?

KO: Yeah.

MO: Love you.

KO: Love you, too.

Call End

7:12 PM

-X-

Despite what Hazuki said about reconnecting with other people, Kumiko found herself spending most of her time inside her house. She only went outside to get the mail, run errands for her parents, or to take a short walk around the block when the reruns of television became too boring for her to handle.

It was on her fourth day back in Uji when Kumiko decided to venture off and explore the rest of the town.

Uji, for the most part, stayed the same. While there were many unfamiliar faces to Kumiko, she didn’t mind them at all. She paid most of her attention at the scenery of Uji: the green trees, the breathtaking sight of the Uji River at sundown, the familiar shops and skyline, the knowing smiles some of the elderly gave her whenever she greeted them. All of it filled Kumiko with a sense of nostalgia, and she savored the “flavor of familiarity” as Reina had described it.

That taste got especially overwhelming when she found herself standing in front of Kitauji.

The distinct feeling Kumiko felt when she first entered her room hit her again. Taking tentative steps onto campus and into the empty building, Kumiko swore she could hear the clamor and conversation of students ringing in her ears. Memory after memory came back to her as she walked the barren hallways, passing by her old classrooms with small smiles as she remembered the countless times Hazuki tripped over herself to get to her seat as fast as she could so she wouldn’t be tardy. Her smile grew somber when she walked past the staircase that led up to the roof, a haven she shared with Reina when they felt like ditching class to sneak kisses or quiet secrets with one another.

She stopped when she heard motion coming from the teacher’s lounge.

Peering in through the half-opened door, she saw a man with a familiar head of shaggy hair sitting at a desk, his glasses reflecting his computer screen.

“Taki-sensei?” She called out.

The man looked up, adjusting his eyeglasses as he did so. A grin crept onto Kumiko’s face as she raised her hand in greeting, and stepped into the lounge.

“Ah, Oumae-san,” Taki greeted, rising from his chair. Kumiko noticed gray hairs peppering his black hair, and how the dull glow in his eyes made him look even more exhausted. “A pleasant surprise.”

“I’m surprised you remember me,” Kumiko said with a small smile.

“I remember effective leadership in my band.” Taki smiled. “You were a wonderful president.”

A flush of pride swelled in Kumiko’s chest, and she awkwardly bowed. “A-ah—mm—thank you.”

“May I ask what I did to deserve this visit?”

“I’m back in Uji for the Agata Festival, and I decided to take a walk around town. I found myself here out of coincidence, honestly.” She chuckled. “I guess I subconsciously followed my old route to school.”

Taki let out a breath of amusement. “I see.”

“I—mm—I heard you were leaving at the end of this school year.”

“From Kousaka-san, I assume?”

Kumiko ignored how her stomach rolled when she heard Reina’s name. “Yeah.”

“She’s taken on quite the challenge,” Taki began as he readjusted his glasses, “but I have faith that she will be successful.”

Kumiko’s smile grew crooked. “I’m sure she’ll be glad to hear that,” she muttered quietly, memories of Reina’s intense obsession with Taki coming back to her.

“Oh, before I forget”—Taki rummaged around his cluttered desk, and pulled out a disc sleeve with a purple Post-It on top—”Kousaka-san wanted me to give you this. She told me that you were planning on visiting the school, but she didn’t know when that was going to be. It’s the Sunrise Festival from this year.”

Kumiko took it, and saw FOR KUMIKO scribbled on the Post-It in Reina’s handwriting. “Thank you,” she said with a small bow.

“It’s been wonderful seeing you,” Taki began, “but I’m afraid I must ask you to leave. I have a lot of work ahead of me.”

Kumiko nodded. “I understand.”

An urge to leap out and hug Taki overcame her, but Kumiko suppressed it and shuffled out of the lounge, making sure to slide the door shut behind her. As she walked down the hall, she stopped in front of the staircase that led to the roof.

How about it? Something asked. For old time’s sake?

With tentative steps, Kumiko climbed the staircase, stepping over the yellow KEEP OUT tape that blocked the next case of stairs. The door to the roof creaked with protest, but Kumiko ignored it. A strong breeze welcomed her by running its fingers through her hair as she made her way to the railing.

The heat made waves dance in the distance, but that didn’t stop Kumiko from enjoying the view. People and cars came and went underneath, cicadas rang in the distance, a jet flew overhead, and the Uji River flowed as always. It was a familiar sight, one she saw countless times during her highschool years, but this time, Kumiko saw it through the lens of nostalgia. A part of her wished to go back in time, to relive those years in highschool, just so that she could appreciate the sights around her a little bit more.

-X-

Kumiko blew off the dust off her DVD player. The dust rose up in a gray cloud, and she accidentally inhaled some of the dust. She sputtered and coughed as she inserted the disc Taki gave her earlier that day, tears in her eyes.

“O-oh G-God,” Kumiko cried out as she fell into another coughing fit. “When was the last time anyone used you?”

The DVD player whirred to life, completely ignoring her question.

Not taking it to heart, Kumiko turned on the TV. She backed up, watching the screen flicker to life, and sat down on the couch. The simple view of a road and hundreds of people greeted her, but soon enough, the crowd erupted into cheers.

Two people holding a banner that said KITAUJI HIGH SCHOOL with Tuba-kun and Eupho-kun printed on the sides marched into view, and Kumiko heard the faint fanfare of the trumpets in the distance.

“Here they come,” said the person filming.

And sure enough, the Kitauji Band came into view.

If she was standing up, Kumiko would have doubled over. She was astounded by the sheer size of the band; Reina wasn’t kidding when she said that the band nearly doubled in size. Lined up in almost perfect rows, the band marched, the color guard flanking the band at four row intervals. Kumiko watched with awe as their legs moved in unison, their legs lining up and meeting the ground together. Their aura was refined and confident, a far cry from the band Kumiko joined when she was a first-year in high school.

Their professional-like appearance was certainly a sight to behold, but it was their sound that floored Kumiko.

The brass was loud and powerful, providing a solid foundation for the rest of the band. The percussion, despite their complex rhythms and strokes, stayed together, both musically and visually, keeping the band on beat and on step. The mid- and high-winds were delicate, with their trills and runs dancing around the percussive beats and resounding bass, yet held conviction, especially during their accented half notes.

Soon, the band moved on, the reverb of the brass the only thing they left behind. The cameraperson aimed the camera down the road, even when the band had disappeared beyond the horizon.

“They’ve grown so much,” the person said with all the pride in the world. “I’m sure she would have been proud.”

Kumiko broke into a smile when she finally recognized the voice.

“All thanks to you, Taki-sensei,” she mumbled.

-X-

Kumiko didn’t know what possessed her to text Reina that night, but before she knew what was happening, she had already sent the text.

9:02 PM

kumiko: hello?

is this reina’s number?

reina: Yes, this is her.

May I ask who this is?

kumiko: oh, right lol

it’s kumiko

reina: Oh, Kumiko.

So my letter did reach you.

kumiko: yeah lol

sorry for not replying sooner

honestly i didn’t know if i was supposed to send you a letter or smth

since you gave me your phone number

reina: Well, I gave you my number for a reason, didn’t I?

kumiko: yeah i guess you’re right lol

reina: I guess it’s safe to assume you’re back in Uji?

kumiko: came back several days ago, actually

reina: Really?

kumiko: yeah lol

took a couple of days to get settled into my house

feels weird coming back home after a couple of years

reina: I understand that sentiment.

Is there a reason why you texted me?

kumiko: well, uh, i visited kitauji

reina: Did you? When?

kumiko: earlier today

reina: Time?

kumiko: um…

sometime past noon? like one or two?

reina: That means you probably met Taki-sensei, then.

He’s usually in teacher’s lounge around that time working out lesson plans for the upcoming band camp.

kumiko: that explains why he was there lol

i thought it was kind of strange of him to be there alone

he looks a lot older, actually

reina: I’ve noticed that, too.

The stress of teaching is getting to him, I think.

kumiko: it was bound to hit him sooner or later

reina: Unfortunately…

kumiko: he gave me the cd that you wanted me to have

reina: Did he?

Did you watch it?

kumiko: yeah i did

he sounds like such a proud dad in the video

reina: Can you blame him?

The band has grown so much under his tutelage.

He might be harsh at times, but he really does care for his students.

kumiko: yeah, he does

reina: If I’m being honest, I don’t know if I can live up to that…

He set such a high expectation.

kumiko: whoa

is the assured reina i knew from my high school years actually showing insecurity??????

reina: Why are you like this.

kumiko: sorry, lol

i couldn’t help myself

but you know, he trusts you a lot

and he thinks that you’ll do a great job once he leaves

reina: Did he?

kumiko: he did

and you know, i think you’ll do a great job too

reina: whoa

is the secretive kumiko i knew from my high school years actually showing emotion??????

kumiko: okay, fine

touché

bonus points for doing my typing style

reina: I do what I must.

kumiko: but i really mean it, you know?

reina: I know you do.

Thank you, Kumiko.

kumiko: dw about it

reina: Have you visited Mt. Daikichi recently?

kumiko: no, why?

did it somehow change or something?

reina: No, I was just wondering.

kumiko: do you visit daikichi?

reina: Yes.

When I’m stressed, I walk up the mountain and go to our old place, and I just look out at the view.

kumiko: yeah?

reina: Yeah.

The view’s just as I remember it.

kumiko: nothing inherently different about it?

reina: Unlike most things, no.

There’s nothing inherently different about it.

kumiko: maybe i should go visit it sometime

for old time’s sake

reina: You should.

kumiko: maybe

i’ll probably go during the agata festival

make it even more magical

reina: Speaking of the Agata Festival…

Are you still planning on spending the night with Kawashima-san?

kumiko: oh, midori?

i’m actually not sure

reina: I see…

kumiko: why?

reina: Well, if you didn’t have any plans, then…

I was wondering if you would like to go with me.

kumiko: wow this conversation brings back some old memories

reina: It’s a yes or no question, just answer it.

kumiko: lol yes, i’ll go w/ you reina

reina: Okay, good.

Then shall we meet at the base of Mt. Daikichi? At the Agata Festival?

kumiko: sounds like a plan

reina: It’s gotten pretty late.

kumiko: it’s only 9 reina what are you talking about

reina: Technically, it’s 9:56, making it closer to 10.

kumiko: but it’s still 9 so therefore it’s 9

reina: I’m not arguing about this with you.

kumiko: b/c i won

reina: When did you turn into Asuka?

kumiko: :)

reina: …

I’ll take this as a sign to take my leave.

I have to wake up early to help Taki-sensei make the final touches for summer camp.

kumiko: okay

see you at the agata festival, then?

reina: Yes.

See you then.

Kumiko sighed, the goofy grin on her face never fading as she did so. She felt like she was back in high school, texting Reina until one of them decided that it was time to sleep. It was such a liberating feeling to have such an easygoing conversation with her again, Kumiko wondered why she was ever scared to speak with Reina again.

It’s because you don’t want to know why she left in the first place.

The thought was sudden and it hit Kumiko hard, like a sudden punch in the gut. Her mirth evaporated into the air, taking her grin with it. A chilly feeling settled in her chest, and began to spread throughout her body.

It’s because you’re scared to find out that your relationship was nothing but a fling to her.

An ache pierced her heart. Kumiko began to chew on her bottom lip, trying to hold the tears back.

It’s because—

The sudden vibration coming from her phone startled her. Kumiko took a moment to collect her rattled nerves before she looked at the notification.

It was an audio recording from Reina.

A bit confused but mostly afraid, Kumiko unlocked her phone and played it.

“Good night, Kumiko.”

Kumiko felt her anxieties melt away the moment she heard Reina’s voice. Her heart leapt at the sound, beating hard and fast against her ribcage.

She forgot how beautiful Reina’s voice sounded.

As she raised her phone to her mouth, Something whispered Gram’s words into her ear.

If she came back in the first place, it must mean something, hm?

That was enough to bring back Kumiko’s grin.

“Good night, Reina.”

[survivormuxloe]

Episode #6: “because Sweyn’s Baddies are COMING” - Jones

My bitch ass glasses broke so I’m more than happy to be doing a challenge that requires my ears. Maybe wil my eyesight so poor my hearing will get better to compensate who knows. Even if we lose I’m in a Gucci spot to survive.

Tribal was a success. With the first tribal done I’m happy trust is built and I can stop being paranoid.

With that said I think I’m in a good position going forward as I have an alliance and we’re probably reaching a merge or a swap soon.

my plan of action for my tribe since we legit havent got Anything on the doc yet (me n michael have an excuse..) is to make it seem like im doing more than i am. oh im gonna work on it soon! i’ll do this soon! like its all about seeming like im contributing.. when i aint LAMDKNDG

me n michael made a f2 altho it breaks my heart to say its just for the sake of my survival on this dumbass tribe.. theres no way malik flips on me and with michael as my f2 i can essentially force him to flip on danielle if he wants to stay which is like perf rn since i dont really trust her..

i miss my close allies tho lol. like ryan is my #1 n its unfortunate he isnt getting a chance to make more bonds considerig we need those bonds for his idol to make a big move.. hopefully mercia loses again and wes goes tho? it evens it up to 6 sweyn vs 6 mercia and i think itll swap again before merge and hopefully ill be with ryan/rhys/jones :)) my social game is good rn i think.. i just gotta lay low with physical and downplay strategy so im never the target. hard w/ these personalities tho. X

SOOO THIS CHALLENGE IS FUCKING HELL!!! U KNOW WHAT WOULD BE BETTER? IF OUR WHOLE TRIBE FUCKING DID SMTH!!

like im actually gunna go fucking mad.. its songs. yah its hard to identify bc theyre distorted and overlapped but theres no excuse not to get at least artists.. or even one song. malik n michael can barely do that.. LIKE YEAH I HAVENT DONE THE BEST BUT IVE GOT 2 SONGS THERE RN AND IDENTIFIED NICKI + XTINA SO! BLOOP! im gunna kill myself.. poor dani. its especially painful knowing ill try to get her out if we lose LMAOAOAOA but i mean.. (: oh well!

This challenge can litterally chomp on a dick. No. I hate it. I dont want to do it. Like BEGONE.

Honestly its so hard, and like i dont listen to pop so im struggling with it. Hopefully we win, but I feel safe if we go to tribal.

At this point I am so upset because I feel useless because all the ones I know have been picked and idek if anyone took my suggestion seriously. If this round ends my game, I’m going to be so upset!

We’re pretty much fucked unless a miracle happens

I've been a bit nervous about my position and stuff in the game and I'm trying to catch up socially with a lot of people and stuff. I'm doing what I can on a five person tribe and hope I can work on hard on getting as far as I can in this game. I have a feeling we merge next round so that could be cool. I wanna make it far as I can this game, I'm trying to be active but UTR so hopefully it works.

WE WON FIRST PLACE AGAIN AND THIS TIME I WASNT A FUCKUP WOOOOOOOOOOOOP WOOP I’ve been talking to David more and I helped out a lot with this challenge so I’m hoping he won’t want me out next time we go to tribal.

THREE IN A ROW, BABY. Feels good to not have gone to tribal since Jose's elimination. Also an added bonus that I basically carried our tribe to win today, not a big deal, LOL.

Also, with the reward, I've now got a vote steal advantage. This is HUGE for me. I have a group of people I wanna work with in this game and if this group is down in numbers at any point, this vote steal can come in handy.

that challenge was a damn mess but i'm just glad we made it out alive. sad Canute lost though ugh i'm sending all of my positive energy to Scott so he can make it through.... hope we merge next round that would be cute; i'm ready for more action in this game

im gunna kill my self . :) WE LOST. AGAIN. :) NOT MY FAULT. AGAIN.

n now i gotta deal with fucken awkward 2-2 tribal lines when i have a f2 with michael and a love for malik.. but bc dani is good at challenges her ass wont go and thats so annoyin but u can bet ur ass ima try somethin if i have to bc i dont trust malik to keep me safe vs her whereas michael will.. if i have to flip on malik i will

why me tho like im a good person. i dont deserve this. why couldnt i be on a competent tribe. LMAOAOAOA.

THANK GOD WE WON IMMUNITY if we lost I probably would’ve spontaneously combust Bc I love??? My current tribe??? I love Madison too and It sucked we voted her out Bc I actually adore her but she wasn’t doing a lot. I just love this tribe and if we had to vote for each other again I’ll lose my marbles. Maybe we can work more together going into merge if we get there? I hope so, because Sweyn’s Baddies are COMING

Well, we lost once again and I’m upset about it. The challenge was super hard for us and we struggled. It seemed like everyone wasn’t really putting in all they could as they just said “I forgot” I was like oh!! cool!! This tribal, I’m not crazy worried right now. I trust Scott a lot at this point because he doesnt have a reason to lie to me by telling me that I’ve been holding up the tribe because... I have been. I think the move this week is to vote out Malik. We’ll see whats going on but I really think we might be doing that this week. Hopefully there’s a merge soon because I need to fucking be by myself!!!

My ass is for sure on the line tonight. I know that  Malik is targetting me for being weak and all that so rn I’m just trying to get Scott 100% on board with voting me and Malik 100% certain that he is safe with me just in case there’s an idol and maybe if I’m too in my nerves and scared I have no qualms with throwing a vote on dani incade of a tie

You know what they say, another week safe, 

That one didn't seem so easy,  partially cause I sucked at it and mainly because I sucked major balls at it. But hey Mo and David saved our asses so yeeeeeeeeeeee boi. And not only that we also got reward but not really cause the only thing I got was a jpg image, and so did Felix David and Mo according to them which means either one of them is lying or Wes has it. Either way I guess it's not the end of the world.

So now Canute is going to tribal I wonder how that is gonna play out, a part of me wants Dani and Michael to be safe but another one wants rocks but at the same time another one would be jealous cause I wouldn't be a part of it and I could use some rocks in my life. Either way that's it for now folks now if you excuse me Felix wants to kidnap me and introduce me to the spooky facebook wikia comunity, spooky shit indeed.

So WOOOOOOOO this is the first tribal of the season that i'm not attending which is amazingggg and feels so good to finally have a break!! Plus like I honestly LOVE my tribe rn bc everyone is so iconic and fun and we even made a charlie's angels thing bc its so iconic... ugh love them BUT if it came down to tribal I think I would be okay still since i've really worked on rhys and we have a 3 dude gay guardians alliance of me, rhys, and ryan even tho im not even gay but they dont need to know that... my boy scott is in tribal rn but i hope he comes out okay!!! if he doesn't well oops idc bye bitch but if he does then yay!!

Tonight I am absolutely terrified I think the votes are gonna be on Malik but you just never know so my best plan is just to hope for the best and campaign to stay I’m not just gonna sit back and get eliminated especially this close to a merge situation where I know I’ll be in a good position to make it far.

im legit gunna die im so nerv and i shouldnt be. LIKE. I TRUST THAT MICHAEL HAS MY BACK. AND MALIK ISNT VOTING ME. SO IT SHOULD BE IMPOSSIBLE FOR ME TO GO. BUT I DONT THINK THAT FOR SOME REASON. all i can think of in the back of my mind is what if michael and dani flip on me and its 2-1-1.. but theres nothing i can literally do bc if i vote michael and stay our relationship is gone lol

ughhhh i should just be positive but its so hard bc even if malik goes.. i feel awful LMAAOAOOA but like. uhm. yes ): i feel awful

Scott as much as I like the guy I can for sure see he lets his emotions dictate how he plays and while that’s not necessarily bad it’s difficu when you’re trying to blindside someone and he could just run and tell Malik so the nerves are here and out to play hunny

My thing is I think it’s is going to go to rocks. Which is why we were worried about that when linus left but it’s real. Dani we don’t wanna vote each other, hell everyone says they don’t want to vote me which is always weird for me to hear but if that’s true good if they’re all voted me then nasty.. but I don’t want to vote Dani and I definitely don’t want to vote Scott..so that kinda leads to Michael which I don’t want to vote either but I have reasons: the main reason is the past couple of challenges he’s done the worst in, and if we need to survive incase there’s no swap or merge then we need all the strong members here.

I feel a bigger bond with Dani and Scott vs Michael who I feel is cool but I don’t feel we’re clicking on a better level. And it’s not even a tribe thing it’s literallt what I feel could save us from tribal, and how don’t i know if Dani and Michael won’t vote me out right after Scott leaves? So basically what’s happening is it’s likely going to be a 2-2 on Michael and Scott, and I’m not changing my vote. So I’ll likely go to rocks and lose but that’s ok. I did my best and it could be a stupid move but I don’t wanna risk Dani and Michael voting me out if we lost again, because I’d hope Dani wouldn’t but you never know. So rocks here we come!

Malik is voted out 3-1.