#thinking thinking thinking about it but will probably do nothing about it
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Kinda freaking out over what’s going to happen later today rn at 5 o’clock in the morning bc I can’t sleep. Uhm. Yeah.
Anyway, shit you need to know:
You see I.C.E?
Yell, “La Migra.” (La-mee-grah)
Be as loud you possibly can.
They are supposed to be starting Raids in Chicago on Tuesday.
You know neurodivergent or queer people?
No the fuck you don’t.
Are you apart of that spectrum yourself?
Suddenly you aren’t.
Know trans people or trans yourself?
Nuh-uh.
Do you have immigrant family?
Tell them how to answer I.C.E if they come across them. (a bunch of shit on TikTok can tell about that)
If you have birth-right citizenship, you’re at risk too.
Don’t be in usually populated areas.
Like, the mall, movie theaters, etc. it’s not safe, trust, there will be dumbasses out there today and probably the rest of the week, keep that in mind.
Anyone ask you about your political views?
Say NOTHING.
Or, “I don’t like to talk about that stuff.”
Don’t talk about them at all.
Same goes for your identity, aight?
Idgaf if he “saved TikTok” it was a stunt, they think we’re stupid. Forget that shit, don’t thank him. It’s fucking propaganda.
Stay safe,
Eat the rich,
And Deny, Defend, and fucking depose.
Ik im not popular, like at all but please reblog, share, whatever
—Atlas
#I’m not scared#I’m fucking angry#yall happy?#yall chose this shit#you’ve made the bed#now lay in it#have fucking fun#as to the rest of yall#stay safe#love ya’ll/te quieros chicos#this is me crashing tf out#politics#2024 presidential election#inauguration#donald trump#elon musk#luigi mangione#January 20th 2025#TikTok ban
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By his estimate, Simon was supposed to have left about thirty minutes ago.
That’s what you did after you had sex and got your rocks off. You get dressed, leave with no fuss as soon as it was over, y’know, and make it a little less awkward than it already was. At least, that’s what Simon always did.
And as always, shit gets flipped on its head when it comes to you.
Thirty minutes ago, he would’ve made it home; he’d have showered, smoked, went to bed, slept like shit, and be ready for the next day. Rinse and repeat. Instead he’s here with you, naked as the day he was born, covered in your sweat and his, covered in your cum and his, and Simon would be a lying bastard if he said he wouldn’t feel a certain way if you kicked him out.
You hadn’t thus far and that’s a good thing. He thinks.
It’s you two, side by side, coming down from that high, body humming from your nighttime activities, and you’re basking in the not-so-awkward silence. He’s staring at the ceiling, you’re probably thinking… or, er, probably not, and Simon’s a little curious but not enough to want to ruin the mood. Which a lie from the pits of hell. You hadn’t moved or said a word, and it’s getting to Simon more than he lets on.
But bloody fuckin’ hell, what do you say after something like this? Thanks for the sex, sweetheart, be seein’ you or Felt good, didn’t it, luv? What about I don’t think I can leave you, let’s go another round so I won’t have to? Jesus Christ, you’re a fuckin’ mess, Riley.
Not that it matters, though, not really, because “nothing ventured, nothing gained” is Simon Riley’s motto when it comes to you and rather than say anything, he simply grabs your hand to gauge the atmosphere. It’s light, gentle, and uncertain, words he’d never use to describe himself but he gets the point across.
After a moment, he figures he miscalculated until you respond in turn, one-upping him and intertwining your fingers together and no, his heart absolutely did not skip a beat. Bloody hell. He turned, glanced down at your hands connected, looked up at you and to his surprise, you met him head on. How long had you been staring at him, sweetheart?
Not that it matters, though, not really, because your face is inching closer and while Simon is many things, ungrateful ain’t one of them, and if you think you’re just gonna leave him with a kiss on the forehead or cheek then you’re sorely mistaken, sweetheart.
But nothing ventured, nothing gained.
And now it’s Simon’s turn to one-up you this time. He meets you halfway, doesn’t give a damn what happens afterward (he does, more than you’ll ever know), and brushes his lips against yours. It’s light, gentle, and uncertain, words he’d never use to describe himself but he gets the point across. And so do you.
Nothing ventured. Nothing gained.
#turning simon out series.#nsfw-ish.#cutie 𝓠.#call of duty#call of duty modern warfare#simon ghost riley#simon riley#simon ghost riley x reader#simon ghost riley x you#simon riley x reader#simon riley x you#call of duty x reader#call of duty x you#cod x reader#cod x you#x black reader#x poc reader#x plus size reader#x gn!reader#task force 141
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xoxo, gossip girl
pairing: lando norris x reader
summary: you kind of popped into lando's life out of nowhere-and he loves it. but there's no such thing as being private when you're dating a formula one driver. sorry, did i say dating? i mean when you're friends.
a/n: yay first smau of the year and the second driver i'm writing for! i started watching gossip girl recently n i was inspired
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liked by alex_albon and 128,407 others
f1gossipofficial: mclaren's lando norris was spotted out and about in the big apple last night with a mystery girl!
view all 6,353 comments
user1: uh oh magui's going to be mad...
user2: ngl thought that was her at first user3: they got back together AGAIN?? user1: @/user3 someone posted a vid of them partying
user4: alex being messy in the likes LMAOOO
user5: aww did he give her his hoodie in p1
user6: such a gentleman 😍 user7: THATS WHAT I THOUGHT user8: girl be fr he's nothing compared to osc
user9: lando stick to one girl at a time will you
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yourinstagram has added to their stories
replies:
hannahstjohn: i bet you're glad i convinced you to get dinner w me that day 👅
yourinstagram: oh shush i had to sit through two hours of you and liam gazing into each other's eyes. DISGUSTING. hannahstjohn: please. don't act like you even looked at anyone other than him
yourbff: regular dates now i see...
yourinstagram: we're just friends!!
lando: i learned for you 🥺
yourinstagram: liar lando: hello?? yourinstagram: you literally told me the other day you used to do your sister's hair lando: maybe i lied yourinstagram: well you definitely did at some point
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liked by hannahstjohn and 203,991 others
f1gossipofficial: we think it's getting serious with y/n l/n, daughter of NYC-based tech mogul y/d/n l/n, and lando norris. rumor has it that they met through liam lawson and his girlfriend hannah. despite the newly promoted red bull driver lacking friends across the grid, norris is probably grateful for the introduction 😉
y/n and lando were spotted at not one, not two, but SIX different locations across new york in the past week. above is a compilation of photos fans have taken of them dining out, shopping, and even going to the opera together.
view all 10,274 comments
user1: grocery shopping?? do they live together already??
user2: sleazy af if they do user3: maybe they wanted to cook something together its not that deep
user4: what a golddigger...
user5: how is she a gold digger user4: @/user5 did you not see how she dressed for the opera? probably his money she spent on that dress user6: the way people r so illiterate and yet so confident drive me crazy IT LITERALLY SAYS HER DAD IS A TECH MOGUL user7: i don't even know what a mogul is but it sounds rich user8: @/user6 right and if you just googled her dad you'd figure his sister was the one owns the brand she's wearing 💀
user9: the way he looks at her in p1 though
user10: wonder how long they've known each other 🤔
user11: hannah we see you
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lando has added to their stories
replies:
user1: LANDO DID YOU POST ON THE WRONG ACC
oscarpiastri: mate
lando: 🥺 yes osc? oscarpiastri: lily says this is why you've been in NYC for so long lando: idk lily's always right oscarpiastri: you said it was for a brand deal! lando: maybe her dad wants to sponsor mclaren lando: actually forget about that i think he already does 💀 oscarpiastri: i don't like talking to you on instagram text me lando: what if i don't. lando: hello???
mclaren: so cute!
lando: HI ADMIN
maxverstappen: someone's been busy
yourinstagram: what happened to being private 😭 now they definitely think we're dating
lando: sorry i didn't know it was such a bad thing yourinstagram: at least my fake boyfriend is a lot of people's celebrity crush yourinstagram: can't be ruining my image
user2: LANDO ARE YOU STALKING THE #LANDOYN TAG ON TWITTER?? HOW DID YOU FIND THAT??
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liked by scuderiaferrari, redbullracing, and 1,913,500 others
f1: lovely seeing all of you at the o2 ❤️ we hope you enjoyed the livery reveals! one week until pre-season testing begins in bahrain.
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user1: admin you know what you're doing with that pic of lando
user2: missing him and yn *liked by f1 user2: f1 a landoyn stan confirmed?
user3: eh liveries, great articles about max trying to get out of going
user4: alexandra the prettiest wag
user5: yn appearance when 😔 did anyone see how he looked around for her then stopped bcs he remembered she wasn't there
user6: I KNEW I WASN'T CRAZY
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yourinstagram has added to their stories
replies:
lando: did me so dirty with that pic
yourinstagram: shh you look adorable lando: adorable AND pretty? you flatter me yourinstagram: don't get used to it
yourbff: "friends"
yourinstagram: but you're my best friend 😋 yourbff: cause he's more than a friend where is your media literacy
hannahstjohn: I SAW HIM CALLING YOU BACKSTAGE
yourinstagram: so did everyone else it seems hannahstjohn: whoever runs the f1 account loves wag appearances🤷♀️
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lando has added to their stories 🔁 yourinstagram's story
replies:
oscarpiastri: are you sure you don't like her
oscarpiastri: sorry i meant are you sure you're not in love with each other lando: you know i think she might fancy me a little oscarpiastri: a little?? lando: im not sure how i feel about her though oscarpiastri: the cameras literally caught you blushing on call lando: ARE YOU SERIOUS oscarpiastri: yeah admin outed you oscarpiastri: they tagged you
user1: posted her on main again aww
yourinstagram: im not even complaining
lando: am i that charming yourinstagram: no i just look great in that photo yourinstagram: y/n l/n, absolute baddie who bagged what's his name norris lando: ☹️ yourinstagram: its okay your fangirls still love you
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liked by oscarpiastri, f1, and 330,217 others
mclaren: lando when y/n calls him (for legal reasons we can't repost that clip until f1 posts it but you know which one we're talking about 🤐)
tagged: lando
view all 57,341 comments
user1: admin you're so brave * liked by mclaren
f1: it's okay we won't rat you out
mclaren: thanks bestie!
user2: oscar crying in the club because his boyfriend is in love with someone else
user3: @/oscarpiastri would you like to comment user4: he's been crying since jan prob
lando: admin i am literally going to hunt you down
oscarpiastri: he follows the landoyn tag on twitter lando: @/oscarpiastri HELLO??? mclaren: he said it not me user5: they're so chaotic
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bahrain
you saw him get out of his car, landing evenly on the ground. you looked at oscar, who gave you a small nudge. "go on, he doesn't know it yet."
"what if he doesn't-"
"then he's a dickhead for leading you on." you liked his bluntness. it was a change from how polite he normally was. and it showed just how strongly he believed it.
you nodded, then strode forward. you could hear the cameras turning, but it didn't matter. lando had taken off his helmet, and his back was to you as he talked to his race engineer.
it was now or never. you gave him a small tap on the shoulder. he whirled around so fast you almost toppled backwards. realizing it was you, his hands shot out and wrapped around your waist. "y/n? oh my god."
you gave him a shy smile, wrapping your arms around him. "told you it was good."
he buried his face in your neck, embracing you so tight you didn't know if he was capable of letting go. eventually, he did.
"so what did you have to tell me?"
you blinked at him slowly. "try to guess."
his eyes widened, as if a hope had come into him. "you won't laugh?"
a shake of your head. "promise."
"then-" he bit his lip, looking down for a minute. "do you like me, like that?"
"what are we, in grade school?" you deadpanned. you saw his heart plummet, then wanted to take back your words. "yes, lando. yes, i came all this way just to see your stupid face. yes, i like you. like that. like i can't get your smile out of my head and i'll stay up until 5 just to watch you hold an award. like i'll respond to you any time, because talking to you is-"
he raised one of his hands ever so slightly so he could pull you closer, so close his lips were on yours and you were cut off mid-sentence. you'd been waiting for this since you'd met him, you realized. since you'd first seen that curly mop of hair at dinner with liam and hannah. since the first time he'd laughed and you realized you'd never heard a prettier sound.
"i like you like that too."
and the cameras caught all that, words and kiss and pictures and all, but it was different. this was something you wanted to remember.
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liked by yourinstagram and 1,504,891 others
lando: a great end to pre-season testing, all thanks to my lucky charm 🤍
tagged: yourinstagram
view all 94,102 comments
yourinstagram: me fr -> 🍀
yourinstagram: (get it. FOUR leaf clover) lando: i literally worship the ground you walk on lando: you're the reason i believe in fate yourinstagram: woah slow down there buddy user1: i'm so single its not okay user2: they're basically a married couple already
mclaren: your team in the garage rn like 🧍♀️🧍
lando: love you guys too! user3: @/mclaren f1 account alr posted kiss why have you not 😡 mclaren: @/user3 we're carefully selecting the cutest ones
hannahstjohn: lando norris and his "friend"
yourinstagram: IM STUPID OKAY hannahstjohn: can't believe it took you that long
user4: hes so happy 🥹
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liked by lando and 919,501 others
yourinstagram: by your side 🖤
view all 71,440 comments
tagged: lando
lando: baby where'd all your posts go ☹️
yourinstagram: oh i forgot to add you to my close friends lando: is that because we're more than just friends yourinstagram: no i just forgot user1: HELPP
user2: hottest WAG on the grid
oscarpiastri: i'm sure you'll take good care of him
yourinstagram: scout's honor 🫡
user3: okay her dress is so pretty though where's it from
yourinstagram: my aunt's brand! (brandname) <3 user3: @/yourinstagram OMG TYSM QUEEN
user4: she finally made her acc public AHH does this mean landoyn content
lewishamilton: lovely meeting you, y/n
yourinstagram: 🤩 you too lewis!!! lando: you're such a fan. yourinstagram: you're just jealous
#lando norris x reader#f1 x reader#formula one#formula one x reader#f1 smau#lando norris smau#f1 x you#lando norris x you#oikarma ᯓᡣ𐭩
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Hot and Cold
Summary: Natasha's playing with fire when a new resident joins the Compound.
A/N: Queen of Angst @esposadejoyhuerta asked for the fluffiest, sweetest, tooth rotting story ever and I was happy to deliver, even after they changed their request to inclue jealousy BECAUSE no one can stop me. Love ya, baby!
Another day, another mission. Since last week’s mess, it seems like Fury’s been finding ways to torture the team.
Yes, at the end they were able to retrieve the drive with the data of over twenty enhanced individuals. But so did HYDRA. And now the Avengers are on a race against time to locate them before the Russians do.
Natasha walks to Fury’s office, not excited at the prospect of risking her life to recruit people who didn’t really want to be found.
“Yes?” she says as soon as Fury turns around. He hands over a very heavy binder. “Is this their criminal record?”
Great, a weirdo with a troubled past. Natasha might not make it out alive.
“No, that’s their academic stuff. She’s a scientist. Crazy smart” Fury explains. “Have you heard of Bio-Thermokinesis?”
“No, not really”
“The ability to manipulate the body temperature of oneself and/or others” he recites, having learned the concept just now.
“That doesn’t sound so bad” Natasha says, closing the folder. It’s certainly better than the last few people she had to chase down.
“Yeah, until she induces a heat stroke or hypothermia” Fury scoffs. “We’ve been failing at recruiting these people. It would be nice to have a win. Plus, she could work in the lab with Banner and Stark”
“I don’t think Nerd Club is worth one’s freedom” Natasha mutters, skimming through the file.
“Well, either way, this mission doesn’t requires strenght. It requires charm. You up for it or should I send Hill?”
As Natasha gets to the picture of the target, she looks up.
“I’ll handle it”
—
As usual, you’re carrying more than you can possibly handle. Books, your laptop, a sandwich from the cafeteria, and correspondence from the main office.
By the time you manage to open the door to your office, half of the things in your arms are dangerously close to scattering across the hardwood floor.
“Oh, shit” you mutter when your keys drop.
“Need a hand?” a voice says and you jump back, the rest of your stuff flying across the room.
“Uh… can I help you?” you say, because the most beautiful woman you’ve ever seen is perched up on your desk, legs crossed and a playful smirk across her striking features.
“Are you Doctor Y/L/N?”
“Yes. How did you…? I’m pretty sure the door was locked”
Is she a thief? You have absolutely nothing of value, at least not for a conventional burglar. You run every possibility in your mind and then you land on your second least favorite one.
Natasha notices the room getting warmer, probably because of how flustered you got. The file seems accurate regarding your power.
“AC broke down?” she asks innocently, undoing the top button of her shirt.
“Uh… I… I’ll open the window” you say, pushing it and leaning against the window pain. You consider jumping down to escape, but it’s a considerable height. You take a breath, deciding to face the matter head on. “So, which agency sent you?”
“Ever heard of S.H.I.E.L.D.?”
“Yes, that was my first guess” you admit with a sad smile. “What can I do for you, Agent…?”
“Call me Natasha” she says, hopping off the desk. “I’m afraid I am the bearer of bad news… and a generous offer”
“Mmm” you nod, fixing your glasses.
“A tactical team was sent to stop the purchase of confidential information for 30 enhanced individuals. We were able to obtain it… and so did HYDRA”
“Listen” you raise your hand, taking off your glasses and pinching the bridge of your nose. “I get it. HYDRA and S.H.I.E.L.D. know about me. The thing is, my power isn’t something you can leverage in a fight. I doubt they’ll be very interested in me”
“I think you’re wrong. And it’s not just your ability. Your expertise in science and your genetic makeup can be used to experiment”
“So, is that what S.H.I.E.L.D. wants to do with me?” you sigh, looking out the window. You’re enjoying the view, vaguely aware that life as you know it is over.
“We want to offer you shelter at the Avengers Compound. 24 hour security, top facilities and technology. You can continue your research” Natasha says, trying to make it sound like a great deal.
It brings her back to that time Fury told her it was either work for the US government or end up in the Raft.
Your offer is slightly better, but a golden prison is still a prison.
“Are there any questions I can answer before you make a decision?” she offers with a kinder tone.
“Yeah. Do I even have a choice?”
—
Academic life is all you’ve ever known. Grants were the perfect way to do your research without having to look for a benefactor and expose yourself. You could learn things about your DNA, your abilities, while doing other stuff without anyone noticing.
Now, you wake up and there’s nothing that drives you. You live with people who have exceptional skills, physical prowess, and military training. Their world is avenging, your world is scientific papers and books.
Sure, their lab is nice, but most of the times you end up leaving early, completely unmotivated and feeling empty.
Natasha watches from afar, and although this isn’t her doing, she feels responsible. She tries to include you in activities she understands, like training, but you’re very obviously not the athletic kind.
Banner is, as usual, isolating himself and Tony speaks nerd, but is barely around unless a mission requires his presence.
It isn’t until one day that Peter shows up to the Compound that Natasha gets an idea.
“Hi, Miss Romanoff. Is Mister Stark around?” he asks in that shy tone he always uses when he’s around Natasha.
“Nope, not to my knowledge. Do you need anything?”
“FRIDAY told me to meet him here. He must have forgotten. I guess I better get back to my Biochem project”
Wait a minute.
He’s a nerd.
“Stay” she says, looking him up and down. Peter reminds her of a puppy when he stops completely, as if he learned a new command. “Wait for Tony at the lab. I’ll try to find him”
“You’re sure? I’m not allowed inside by myself” he hesitates, following Natasha.
“Yeah, it’s fine” she types in the access code, and of course, there you are, spinning in your chair.
As soon as you hear the door opening, you stop your movements, almost falling off.
Natasha finds your blush adorable.
“Hey, Y/N. This is Peter. He’ll be around waiting for Tony”
“Oh, hey. Ok, I was just leaving. I’m kinda stuck either way”
“Ordinary Differential Equations?” Peter says as soon as he gets his eyes on your board.
“Yes. Very impressive” you nod. “This is focused on genetic network. I’m trying to determine inborn errors of metabolism”
“Oh, you know? There’s a brilliant Doctor who’s working on that, maybe her paper would be great for you. She’s Y/N Y/L/N”
“Yeah, that’s me” you say, tapping your chin and examining the board. “What is your ability? If you have any? Maybe I can use a different set of data”
“Yes! I would love to, what do you need from me?” Peter says, a little starstruck at finding out you’re one of the most prestigious researchers in the world.
“For now, a blood sample” you wink at him, adjusting your glasses.
Natasha sits in the back of the lab as you and Peter work together, and you explain every concept to him. This is the first time since you arrived that you don’t look so miserable.
The Russian takes it as a small win when you join her in the common area for dinner.
--
Since Peter found out about your abilities and your permanent stay at the Compound, you’ve been advising him on his project and college applications. Which is a really nice distraction, but it also makes you miss your own college days.
So, even if you’re in a better mood, it’s still hard to socialize with the team.
One day, you enter the lab to find Rogers, Wilson and Barnes looking at a screen, while Natasha types.
“Whoever encrypted this is slightly smarter than me. Only slightly”
They look away as you drag a chair to focus on your own stuff, a cup of coffee in your hand and a cookie in your mouth.
“Hi…” you wave at them, feeling intimidated as usual.
“Hey, weather girl” Sam winks at you.
Natasha rolls her eyes and elbows him.
“Ignore him, Y/N”
You can tell she’s getting frustrated, so you inch closer, looking at the code over her shoulder. Placing your hand on her elbow, you silently ask for permission to take over.
The redhead eyes you curiously, but stops typing and moves the keyboard your way. It takes you twenty seconds to hack into the files.
“How…?”
“I used to hack into databases to make sure my name wasn’t on any watchlist” you explain casually. Natasha laughs at that. “Anyway, there you go”
“Thanks, Y/N. You’re my hero” Natasha says, smiling up at you. Her tone makes you blush and you nod, going back to your desk.
“Nice work. We could use your help if you’re free some other time” Steve says as they leave the lab.
“Of course, Capitan”
—
An intruder changes your mind about training. The threat is handled swiftly and you don’t even have time to hide before F.R.I.D.A.Y. confirms the suspect has been taken into custody
But you don’t even know how to begin to defend yourself, so you come back to Natasha, asking if her offer still stands.
Needless to say, the spy is more than happy to train you. Not just because it means you’re comfortable asking for things, but because Natasha can teach you something that will help you protect yourself.
You start with two sessions per week, which later turns to four, until you’re comfortable with training almost daily.
The rest of the team joins from time to time, giving you advice and helping you when Natasha’s away on missions.
After a few weeks, Natasha notices how your resistance is better and you’re building some muscle.
Only as a professional observation. It’s not like she finds you attractive, with that nerdy charm and toned arms.
One day, as you’re leaving the gym, she checks her bag, cursing when she notices she forgot a change of clothes.
“Wanna borrow one of my hoodies?” you offer, handing over your NYU sweatshirt.
“You sure?” Natasha hesitates.
“Yeah, I got tons of these. From all the places I’ve done work or research”
“I’ll give it back” she promises, taking it.
That turns out to be a lie.
A few days later, when you’re folding your laundry, F.R.I.D.A.Y. requests that you join Tony and Banner in the lab. Leaving the basket in the living room, you think nothing of it, nor do you notice that a couple of your sweatshirts are gone.
It all comes to light a week later, when Natasha comes back from a grueling mission. The only thing that will make her feel better is staying in her room while wearing your UCLA hoodie.
She totally forgets about her attire when she answers the door.
“Huh, so that’s where it was” you tilt your head, smiling.
“I…”
“I’m watching a movie, care to join me? It’s one of your favorites”
“Ok” she nods, surprised that you’re not mad about the stolen sweatshirt.
Natasha enters your room, appreciating the combination of books, notes and the board with equations. After you apologize for the mess, you offer a place to sit in your bed.
“It looks good on you” you compliment the redhead. Natasha smiles, trying to be nonchalant about it.
“Thank you”
It becomes a habit, to steal your hoodies.
“Objectively speaking, you don’t actually need them as you can regulate your temperature” Natasha comments one day, digging through your closet. To her shock, she finds a sweatshirt with a sorority logo on it.
“Not mine. A girl I hooked up with in college” you explain.
Natasha rolls her eyes, throwing the garment as far away as possible while pulling a face. You laugh at her reaction.
“Don’t be jealous, Natty. You’re my favorite” you promise, unaware of the effect your words had on her.
“And yet you never let me wear the Harvard one”
“That was my first” you shrug your shoulders.
“First college or first hook up?” Natasha taunts and you laugh.
“A nerd never kisses and tell. Actually, a nerd rarely kisses anyone to being with” you try to joke, pulling out the Harvard sweatshirt from your closet to put it on.
Natasha eyes it, and you catch her intentions a little too late. She inches forward and you stretch your arm back, trying to place the hoodie out of reach.
“Nu-uh” you shake your head, laughing as she keeps trying to steal it. “Natasha, there are like ten other hoodies you could take!”
“I want this one!” she insists, jumping. Her body crashes against yours, and you both stumble, falling in your bed. Limbs are tangled and her laugh tickles your ear as she struggles to lift herself up. After a moment, Natasha smiles, looking at your lips. “Gotcha”
You don’t even know what to say, her intense stare making you feel warm -both literally and figuratively - and your heart beats faster when it seems like she’ll lean forward and kiss you.
“Agent Romanoff, there’s an urgent call for you” FRIDAY interrupts the moment.
Natasha sighs, standing up and looking at you.
“Catch you later?”
“Yeah” you nod, trying to hide your disappointment.
—
Natasha was gone for a week, and returned with a very bad injury. You heard the news as Steve and Tony were arguing in the kitchen, blaming each other as usual.
“Where…? Is she ok…?” you try to interrupt them, but they’re in the middle of a screaming match.
“Come with me” Maria says, taking you to a whole different wing of the Compound. Since you’ve never been on missions, you didn’t know about the Medbay.
Natasha’s lying in a hospital bed, asleep.
“She’s ok. A guy threw a knife at her, but it was only a superficial stab wound. Doctor said she’ll be discharged tomorrow” Maria eases your nerves.
Of course, for her it’s easy to say it’s no big deal. Agents are shot, blown up, killed in the field. A little scratch is nothing, especially for Natasha. But you take a deep breath, leaving the Medbay in a rush.
As you lock yourself in the Avenger’s Lab, you make F.R.I.D.A.Y. a simple request.
“Show me the mission’s footage”
—
Natasha’s had worst, truly. But still, her head is throbbing when she wakes up. The doctor discharges her with the instruction to rest for a week. No training either.
The Russian notices a bag with clothes on the chair next to her bed. She finds your Harvard sweatshirt, which puts a tiny smile on her face.
You are nowhere to be found in the Compound when she returns, so she goes to her room to take another nap, the painkillers making her sleepy.
By the time Natasha wakes up to get something to eat, F.R.I.D.A.Y. requests her presence in the lab.
“What is it?” she says, surprised to find you working on a tablet. It looks like you haven’t slept in the last 24 hours, five or six cups of coffee around the various tables in the lab.
“I created a new technology for your suit” you jump right to it. “It has motion sensors that are triggered by incoming threats. That way, if someone tries to sneak up on you, you can either get an alert or program a defense mechanism that can be shot from any part of the suit”
Natasha takes the tablet, running the simulation. She’s impressed with the level of detail you’ve placed on this and on such short time. She’s about to thank you, but you’re already asleep in the couch of the lab, clearly exhausted from all the work you’ve done.
The sight of your sleeping form makes Natasha’s heart flutter.
—
Movie night is the one tradition you’ve always been on board with. Coincidentally, it’s Natasha’s least favorite. Depending on her mood, she’ll join everyone on the living room, or talk you into watching something else in your room or hers.
Tonight, she stops by once the movie has already started. As usual, you’re on the couch in the far back of the room, your glasses reflecting the screen as you eat some popcorn.
“Hey” Natasha leans over the back of the couch and whispers against your ear, making you jump. Your eyes follow her as she jumps over to plop down next to you.
“You’re not supposed to be doing that with a hole on your side, Natasha” you reprimand.
“It’s fine” she lies, grabbing some popcorn.
As the movie keeps going, the woman inches closer to you. At first you think she’s settling in her seat, but then her hand spreads on the back of the couch, dangerously close to your neck.
It’s fine. You can handle it.
Nope, you absolutely can’t. Not when you feel Natasha’s nimble fingers playing with the hairs on the back of your neck, her digits alternating between caressing the skin and scratching your scalp.
“You’re hot” she whispers at some point and you turn to look at her, dazed.
“Huh?”
“You feel hot” she clarifies a second later, her eyes looking at your lips. “Is everything ok? Those powers of yours are acting up”
“I’m fine” you nod, looking back at the screen. Aware that you are in fact increasing the temperature in the room, you take a breath and close your eyes, before anyone else notices.
You’re almost back to normal when Natasha stretches and lies across your lap, her left hand squeezing your thigh as the other one begins to trace patterns in your skin.
All while she's wearing your Harvard sweatshirt.
Your only thought is to take it off, along with the rest of her clothes and kiss every inch of her body.
“F.R.I.D.A.Y., is the thermostat broken…?” Tony finally snaps, annoyed at the sudden changes in temperature. “Never mind”
Everyone follows his eyes as he looks to the back of the room, where Natasha is playing dumb while riling you up.
“Can you two find a room to turn into a sauna and spare the rest of us?” Tony says, which makes your eyes widen, and the room practically turns into a freezer. “Great, now we’re all turning into popsicles. Cap, you’re familiar with the feeling, right?”
“Don’t be so dramatic, Tony” Natasha finally stands up, showing you some mercy. “Come on, detka”
“Uh, ok” you say, your voice barely a whisper as you allow the woman to drag you back to her room.
As soon as the door is shut, she pushes you against it.
“So, tell me” she says with a playful smile. “How hot do you think it will get here?”
You can only shake your head, speechless. Natasha smiles, kissing you softly. All thoughts leave your head, opening your mouth to give her access. You’ll do anything she asks, anything at all.
“I see” she smiles when the room gets hot. “Good thing we won’t have our clothes on”
It’s the best sex of your life.
So much so, the fire alarm goes off in the entire Compound.
“Fucking worth it” you sigh as you’re both naked in bed, the water from the sprinklers evaporating from all the heat in the room.
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L’APPEL DU VIDE!
(A 411 ON THE VOID STATE | EVERYTHING U NEED TO KNOW)
XOXO | GOSSIP GIRL | XOXO | GOSSIP GIRL | XOXO | GOSSIP GRL
XOXO | GOSSIP GIRL | XOXO | GOSSIP GIRL | XOXO | GOSSIP GRL
l’amour de la vie ࿐
✩ ✩ ✩ ✩ ✩
゚TABLE OF CONTENTS ࿐
゚What the void state is, and what it’s not ࿐
゚Being scared of the void state is for lower east siders ࿐
゚How manifesting desires “in” the void state works࿐
゚What happens to “reality” when you manifest? ࿐
✩ ✩ ✩ ✩ ✩
Hey Upper East Siders.
Hopefully after you realise who you actually are, you’ll give yourself everything you want. And actually become one of manhattan’s finest elite. I’m getting bored of just calling you my upper east siders.
So here’s a 411 on the “void state”. Everything you need to know. Well since this post is all about you, pure consciousness, I guess we can call it your biography instead.
-> Feeling DOUBTFUL? CLICK HERE
P.S. The void state/I AM state/pure consciousness/pure awareness etc are ALL the SAME thing. I’m starting to really dislike the term “void state”.
゚What the void state is, and what it’s not ࿐
What’s the void state? Or should I say who’s the void state? The big question. But you probably already know the answer, listen closely, we don’t want the lower east siders to hear.
Psst! The void state is you. Pure consciousness. The purely conscious being that lies beyond this physical vessel. It’s just you in your purest form. I thought you were two-faced, but turns out you have none. You’re faceless and formless. And by “you”, I mean pure consciousness. Not this physical body. Pardon me, i’m not a carpenter but i’d like to keep this post short n sweet 💋
So CLICK ME to find out more! (I’m not giving you a choice. Read the post before moving on. I mean it).
So what is the void state not? The void state is NOT a meditative state. (hence why you do not need to meditate for the void). The void state is NOT body asleep mind awake (hence why you don’t need to feel drowsy to “enter” the void). All it is, is YOU. Bound by no physical limitations.
You may ask “what’s it like being in the void state?” or “how do I know when i’m in the void state?” When you’re “in” the void state, you are completely detached from the 3D, completely devoid of your physical senses, therefore you cannot see, hear, feel, taste or smell anything. It may be pitch black and you may feel a sense of peace, no intrusive thoughts exist in the void state, because in that moment you are just purely conscious. That’s it. When you do end up in the void state, and you want to confirm that you are, you can change the colour of it, or add decorations. For example, if you find yourself how I described, you can affirm “my void state is pink”, and if you are in the void state, it’ll turn pink instantly etc. But trust me, you’ll know when you’re in the void state. It’s literally you. You do not need any outside proof.
The void state is just you. Scrap the term “the void state”. It’s called the “I AM” state. Because it is just YOU. If you read the post I linked previously, you’ll know that I don’t mean this physical body, I mean YOU!
゚Being scared of the void state is for lower east siders ࿐
I heard some upper east siders are “scared” of the void state. Talk about self hatred…
Being scared of the void state is to be scared of yourself. Most people feel scared because they think they’re entering another dimension, or entering some extraterrestrial astral plane. That is NOT the case. When you understand that the “void state” is just you, there’s nothing to be scared of. It’s just a state of pure consciousness (the real you).
The funny thing is, when you’re “in” the void state, you feel at peace. You’ll love the feeling. And if you don’t like the “darkness”, you can decorate “your void” to your liking.
゚How manifesting desires “in” the void state works࿐
It’s very simple. You enter the void state, or wake up in it, whatever you prefer. Then you can affirm/visualise, intend etc that you have your desires. Then you can affirm “I am now exiting the void state” or whatever you prefer (and no, you can’t get “stuck”), then when you exit the void state, everything you manifested will have already been materialised instantly! Say you manifest your dream life in the void state, as soon as you exit the void state, you’ll have your dream life fully materialised in the 3D, instantly. And no, it’s not a “placebo effect”. Why? -> CLICK HERE
Keep in mind that your subconscious knows exactly what you want. So you don’t have to affirm/visualise etc for each desire. Just having a blanket affirmation like “I have all my desires” is more than enough. Intrusive thoughts don’t exist in the void state, they cannot manifest. Everything will turn out perfectly, I promise you that.
You manifest instantly in the void state because you are completely detached from the limitations of the 3D. There is simply just no concept of waiting or struggle. There is nothing to tell you otherwise. You can fully recreate your reality from there. The world is your oyster. You’re God. And lastly, anything and I mean ANYTHING is possible in the void state. Want a billion dollars? you can have it. Want to be the most famous celebrity overnight? You can. Want your desired appearance from head to toe instantly? You can. Want to grow wings and fly? You can. The answer is always yes. If you can imagine it, you can manifest it.
゚What happens to “reality” when you manifest? ࿐
A lot of people wonder if they “shift” realities when they manifest, especially after manifesting “drastic” changes in the void state. But reality shifting and manifestation are different. Reality shifting involves leaving this physical plane, and going to another that you’ve created. Manifesting doesn’t. So what happens to your reality when you manifest? First of all, you have to understand what “reality” is.
You shift realities every second. With everything that you do, you “shift” realities. Reality just means life. For example, when you put on a new shirt, you shift to a reality where you’re wearing that new shirt. When you wake up tomorrow, you’d have “shifted” to a reality where it’s *insert tomorrow’s date (??/??/????)*. It does not mean that you are going to another “reality”. That’s all that reality shifting means in terms of manifestation. Manifesting is natural and it’s something that you’ll do everyday for the rest of your life whether consciously or unconsciously.
So when you manifest your dream life, you manifest your desires into what you’d call “this current reality”. You do not have to go anywhere else if you do not want to. Even if you’re changing your life to a full 360. There are no limits. This is why we are able to witness other people’s success stories e.g. celebrities & tumblr.
LASTLY, “How do you enter the void state?” ASSUME ASSUME ASSUME THAT YOU CAN!!! YES IT’S THAT SIMPLE!! YOU DON’T NEED THE LATEST METHOD!! JUST ASSUME THAT YOU ALWAYS ENTER/WAKE UP IN THE VOID STATE AWARE WHENEVER YOU WANT TO!!! IT IS YOU!!!
That’s all for now! Believe it or not but this post is shorter than usual because it’s nothing I haven’t said before and i’m not going to repeat myself!!
Are you finally going to become one of manhattan’s finest elite..? I guess we’ll find out soon enough. Until next time, XOXO
- gossip girl
XOXO | GOSSIP GIRL | XOXO | GOSSIP GIRL | XOXO | GOSSIP GRL
XOXO | GOSSIP GIRL | XOXO | GOSSIP GIRL | XOXO | GOSSIP GRL
#void state#law of assumption#loa tumblr#loassumption#loa blog#loablr#manifestation#loa#the void state#law of assumption blog#realityshifting#4d reality#desired reality#pure consciousness#success story#affirm and manifest 🫧 🎀✨ ִִֶָ ٠˟#live in the end#law of manifestation#loa challenge#loa manifestation#loa advice#loa manifesting#loa tips#loass#neville goddard#edward art#loassblog#loassblr#pure awareness#i am state
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I find that something that may need to be said is that one of the reasons for this ideology may be caused by the fact that often America's capitalistic society has put the expectation on the consumer to simply not provide revenue to those that they do not like the business practices of.
This concept of "morality-based consuming behavior" mostly seems to stem from the upper class which, of course, do not want citizens of the USA to want anything more than what they have, as they don't want Americans to participate in the economy or government in any meaningful way. In addition, it too stems from the idea of trying to keep the American public ignorant via keeping them only seeing a singular side, sort of like an extreme wide-scale mix of isolation and echo-chambers. It has happened before and continues to happen, because of the nature of what it is, manipulation on a grand scale.
Unfortunately, as with a lot of politics at the moment, it's about distraction and manipulation. They state how we are the problem and why, however in stating it they are intentionally leaving out the aspect that we can advocate and centralize in order to change something on a much grander scale. Long dead are the days where the individual was considered anything other than a demographic, a person is nothing more than their political leaning, race, gender, etc to the majority now. They've taken away their population's agency in every meaningful capacity they can think of.
Only when we, the American populous, can realize that we need to attempt to critically think and evaluate the situations around us will we be able to help ourselves. Only when people can, on their own, without being told how to feel and think, see the manipulation and corruption of so many aspects of the American life, can we become more than simply what we consume.
One cannot be more than what one can understand, if that makes any sense.
Be aware this is probably a bad take IDK sometimes I explain what I mean poorly or downright think wrong lol
passages that make you whisper "oh my god"
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simon doesn't pursue people, he operates more like a one-man strike team. his approach to human connection is transactional, pragmatic, a matter of logistics.
on the rare occasion he's looking for company, he wants someone easy, who won't fuss when he introduces them to a thin motel mattress. won't ask what he does for work or try to make plans for the morning. won't bother him about 'next time'. nothing long-term. no strings.
he doesn't have a 'type' so much as a protocol: pick someone malleable, pliant, and preferably on the pill.
then you start working at his local.
the first time he sees you, he doesn't notice much beyond the basics: efficiency, attentiveness, pouring pints and bantering with the regulars with aplomb. by the second or third time, he's paying closer attention. you're not just good at your job—you're quick, always three steps ahead of the chaos. you give out smiles left and right, but it's more muscle memory than genuine warmth. and you're clever, too. funny, even, when someone manages to earn your attention for longer than a transaction.
you could probably keep up with his humor. go toe-to-toe.
you're off-limits, though. that's the rule. bartenders are switzerland—neutral territory. don't shit where you eat. it's a system that works, so long as he doesn't let himself think too much about the view when you lean over the counter or the lilt of your voice when you ask what he's having tonight.
then one evening, you take another man's number. some leering idiot, too comfortable with inserting himself into your space, grinning like he's cracked your code because you haven't humbled him. simon doesn't react, not outwardly. he nurses his drink and watches as you smile, slip the napkin into your pocket, and turn back to the bar.
but that's when you become a problem.
he tells himself it doesn't matter, that it's nothing. he doesn't want a number or a date. but the thought of someone else having you—someone who doesn't know what to do with a woman like you—it's a splinter buried just deep enough to keep him thinking about it. irritating, prone to fester.
how to approach you, though? he can't be as direct as he'd like, can't pin you down with a look or crass words. no way to corner you when you're safe behind the counter, or disappearing through a staff door. hanging around until you're off would be pathetic. dog behavior, he thinks, with a twinge of contempt for the mental image. he's got too much self-respect for that, at least.
no, he's got to actually make an effort. use his words.
the next time he comes in, he waits. no more corner tables or watching from afar. he sits close, pretends not to notice how your hands look slicing a lime. he orders his usual and tries not to overthink your tone when you set it down in front of him.
"you alright?"
you reach for his card, fingers pinching the plastic, but he holds on, smirking when you tug and then huff.
this is the moment. his moment. the one he's been building toward in his head for days. but there's a hitch, a blip in his usual confidence, and he fumbles. he blames your perfume.
"so…you come here often?"
not what he meant to say, but not the worst.
the shockwave of his nuclear-level failure doesn't register until your lips twitch, and it finally sinks in. his eyes widen a fraction as the realization lands. oh, he's fucked it. all his rehearsing, for nothing.
"…yeah," you say, voice flat, a single brow raised as you gesture vaguely toward the bar around you. "i work here?"
his mouth dries, but his face doesn't change. he doesn't fight it when you pull the card out of his grasp. there's the barest glint of something in your eyes—amusement, maybe, or pity. he's not sure which is worse.
you turn away to ring him up, but when you glance back, he's gone.
#ghost x reader#do you think he goes back for his card?#confident ghost who loses all cool when presented with a hottie. i can relate.#i need him to be the butt of a joke for once.
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Hickey Prank💋
Paige Bueckers x Female Reader
♥*♡∞:。.。 。.。:∞♡*♥
The camera light flickered on, and you adjusted your position on the couch to ensure the perfect angle. “Alright, y’all,” you began, your voice low but brimming with excitement. “Welcome back to the channel! You already know it’s about to go down. Paige is at practice right now, and I’ve got the best prank lined up. Y’all, I’m giving myself a fake hickey.”
You held up the makeup palette, smirking. “She’s been talking about how people in the comments call her overprotective. So, let’s see just how protective my girl really is.”
Carefully, you applied a mix of purple and reddish-brown tones to your neck, blending until the mark looked disturbingly realistic. Stepping back from the mirror, you admired your work. “Not gonna lie, I might’ve missed my calling as a makeup artist.” You leaned into the camera for a close-up.
“What do we think? Looks legit, right?”
After setting up the camera in its usual spot, you grabbed a blanket and settled on the couch, pretending to scroll through your phone like it was just another normal day. The anticipation made your heart race. Paige would be home any minute, and you knew her well enough to expect fireworks.
The front door creaked open, and you heard Paige’s keys drop into the bowl by the door. “Bae?” her voice echoed from the hallway.
“In the living room!” you called, keeping your tone casual, though your nerves buzzed.
She appeared moments later, her blonde hair slightly damp from her post-practice shower, wearing a pair of loose sweats and her favorite hoodie. Paige had that post-practice glow about her, and despite the prank, you couldn’t help but admire her for a second.
Her warm smile faltered as her eyes locked onto your neck. She froze mid-step, her brows furrowing. “What’s that?”
“What’s what?” you replied nonchalantly, not looking up from your phone.
She dropped her gym bag by the couch and stood in front of you, her head tilted as her eyes narrowed. “Don’t ‘what’s what’ me, mama. What’s on your neck?”
You bit the inside of your cheek to suppress a grin. “Oh, this?” You pointed to the spot as if you had just remembered it. “It’s nothing. Probably just a bruise.”
“Bruise?” Paige echoed, her voice carrying an edge now. She crouched down so she was eye-level with you, her expression unreadable. “Y/N, look at me.”
You hesitated for a moment, playing it up before finally meeting her gaze. Her hand came up to gently tilt your chin. Her thumb hovered near the mark, her jaw tightening.
“Baby, where did you get this?” she asked quietly, her tone even but laced with an unmistakable tension.
“I told you—it’s nothing,” you said, shrugging, though your heart pounded.
She let out a humorless chuckle and stood up, pacing in front of the couch. “You’re really gonna sit there and lie to my face? After everything?”
“Paige, it’s not that serious—”
“Not that serious?” Paige cut you off, spinning around to face you. Her eyes burned with a mix of frustration and hurt. “You’ve got a hickey on your neck, and I’m just supposed to sit here and think, ‘Oh, that’s no big deal’? You’re killing me, baby. ”
You bit the inside of your cheek harder, determined to keep a straight face. “Paige, you’re overreacting. It’s nothing.”
She scoffed, running a hand through her damp hair. “Overreacting? Alright, then explain it to me. Who put it there?” She was leaning against the arm of the couch now, arms crossed, her usually soft demeanor replaced with a hardened edge.
“Why does it matter?” you shot back, testing the waters. You needed to push just far enough to sell it without Paige getting too upset. But the flicker of pain in her eyes almost made you fold. Almost.
Paige let out a shaky breath and moved back in front of you, crouching again. “Baby,” she said softly, though her voice was strained, “don’t play with me right now. Tell me who touched you.”
You held her gaze, pretending to hesitate. “I—I don’t know. It was just—”
“You don’t know?” Paige’s voice cracked slightly as she pulled back, standing to pace again. “You don’t know? Y/N, come on. Don’t do this to me.”
“Paige—”
“No,” she interrupted, holding up a hand. “I need to think.” She paced the length of the room, running her hands through her hair, muttering to herself. “Maybe I’m overreacting. Maybe it’s not what I think. Maybe—”
You had to bite your lip hard to keep from laughing. You weren’t expecting her to spiral like this. Finally, you decided it was time to end her torment before it went too far.
“Paige, baby,” you said, standing up and reaching for her hand.
She flinched slightly at your touch, her eyes searching yours for answers. “What?” she said, her voice quieter now, almost resigned.
“It’s a prank,” you blurted out, unable to keep a straight face anymore. “It’s makeup, baby.”
Her brows furrowed as she processed your words. “What?”
“It’s fake,” you said, grabbing a makeup wipe from the coffee table. You handed it to her. “Here, see for yourself.”
Paige snatched the wipe, her expression still skeptical. She tilted your chin again, her touch more hesitant this time, and began rubbing at the mark. When the makeup smeared onto the wipe, her hand stilled, and she let out a deep, shaky exhale.
“You’re kidding me,” she muttered, shaking her head as she tossed the wipe onto the table. She stepped back, her hands on her hips, her head tilted up toward the ceiling as she let out a long sigh.
“Baby, I’m sorry,” you said, trying to stifle your giggles.
Paige turned to you, her lips twitching like she was fighting a smile. “You’re so lucky I didn’t lose my mind for real. Do you know what was going through my head, ma? I thought we were done—like, over.”
“I didn’t mean to stress you out that bad,” you said, wrapping your arms around her waist. “It was just a prank.”
She let herself relax into your embrace, her arms wrapping around your shoulders as she pressed a soft kiss to the top of your head. “You’ve got no idea how close you were to being in trouble for real.”
You grinned against her hoodie. “So…you’re not mad?”
“Oh, I’m mad,” she said, pulling back to look at you with a playful glare. “But I’m also impressed. That was pretty good.”
“Thank you,” you said, laughing.
“But don’t get too comfortable,” she added, her lips curving into a smirk. “You just started something, mama. This is war now.”
You groaned, laughing as she grabbed the camera. “Alright, y’all,” Paige said, pointing to the lens. “Y/N thinks she’s funny, but don’t worry—Team Paige, I’ve got something for her. Stay tuned.”
You reached for the camera, laughing. “No, no, no. Y’all, don’t encourage her!”
Paige kissed your cheek before ending the recording, her eyes still glinting with mischief. “You better sleep with one eye open tonight, baby.”
And just like that, the prank wars were officially on.
I take requests! 💋
#paige bueckers#paige bueckers x reader#paige bueckers x you#paige buckets#uconn wbb#uconn x reader#paige bueckers uconn#paige x reader
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I don't really care about the font. As long as it is easily readable for me while I am working. I started some stories in Google docs, but moved them to Microsoft Word and am considering going back for convenience sake and I haven't touched them since I moved them partly because of the default fonts. (I am aware I could change them, but I am too lazy to do so) Maybe I do care after all...
I 100% could write it by hand, and have considered it. The only reason I don't is because editing is more difficult on paper.
I haven't been writing long enough to develop a specific ritual. So maybe my lack of ritual is the real curse?
Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis. That and Hippopotomonstrosesqippedaliaphobia. Yes, these are spelled mostly from memory. I checked the spelling for the phobia, I did not do so for the osis.
I don't know if it's a superstition really, but your characters are alive and will 100% change the story on you and there's nothing you can do about it if you want your story to come out good and cohesive.
I have two. That I will never get it the way I like it, (I know this is an unsolvable dilemma, but it's still a fear) and that no one will like it or even see it when I publish it.
Watching my story come together. As well as coming up with a solid idea for the next part of the story.
Dialogue, because I suck at it.
I do believe in ghosts. Probably not the ghosts you're thinking of though. As a Christian I do believe spirits do things we can't see, but not quite like the stereotypical ghosts in fiction. Although they are very similar.
Depends on your definition of haunted. Haunted as in I was horrified by it? I can't think of one right now, but I am almost positive it has happened. Haunted as in hung over my head because I haven't finished it yet? Yes, my own writing has done that. As have many stories that I need to finish reading.
I am not sure what that old advice is, and I don't know that I want to. Yes, I grieve the darlings lost. I have not yet killed a darling, but I am a sucker for pain and suffering. It just has to be handled correctly. So, if I ever kill a darling, believe me, it will be felt throughout the story and your life. A darling graveyard is a wonderful idea. Thank you for the suggestion. >:)
The Lorem Ipsum is a cruel and unusual punishment. As for the wishes, gaining the ability to actually finish my work, having the dialogue come out correctly, and having the writing be less awkward. I think those would be my wishes. The ability to finish my work could possibly be replaced with the ability to come up with ideas easier, like no writer's block or something. But they are essentially the same thing.
I don't know what subject I would have difficult writing about. Again, I haven't been writing very long or a lot, so I don't have much experience with it yet. Same with easy.
My lack of physical social life does not allow for me to easily lend books to people. But I can guarantee you I would know EXACTLY who had what book, but I probably wouldn't get them back because social anxiety.
Don't do it to my books and I will tolerate your book abuse. I would love to read in the bath, but I am scared of damaging the book.
The weirdest thing I've ever used as a bookmark would probably be a post it note, or gift card maybe, if I actually used a gift card for that. I am very boring with my bookmarks...
I cannot, to save my life, think of any details to tell you that won't make it into the text. I am sorry. I world build as I write and I'm still near the beginning of the story. My dnd campain tho? That would need a whole post of it's own. 👀
"Knowing how the Sangheili felt about their swords and other people using them, she hoped that given the circumstances they would understand her desperation. She picked two of them up while thanking the Sangheili, both for joining their cause and for the sacrifice they made. Then she left the battlefield, but not before paying respects to all the fallen soldiers, human and Sangheili alike. Some simple words of gratitude spoken over the battlefield was all she had time for." This is a passage from a Halo fanfiction I am writing. The story came about because I wanted to emphasize the Sangheili's focus on Honor and Respect and how their views of humans changed during their allyship with us. The MC's name is Emira (subject to change) and respect is also a core value in her morals. She has not gotten to respectfully return the swords to the Sangheili yet, but that will happen soon. If I can figure out how she is rescued or escapes from danger. The battlefield spoken about in that passage has already been left by the conflict and is inactive when she finds it. The Sangheili she thanks are fallen soldiers, and she took the swords from beside their dead bodies. The passage did not change much during its creation.
I started writing because I love making stories up in my head, but I wanted to share them. The bumps are I always picture them as movies in my head, so turning them into words and having it come out as a well-written story is difficult. I am currently writing fanfiction and short stories, but I would like to turn one of my stories into a novel. I just haven't figured out how and I don't know if I will try to get them officially published or not.
The one true love. Life gets lonely, and they can give me emotional support while I struggle with my writing skills.
I wish I could start. 💀 I have 3 WIPs, all my first stories that I actually started writing. (I consider my dnd campaign a WIP because I am considering turning it into its own fic and it is a joy to work on) I haven't published anything and am getting very annoyed by my lack of progress on all of them.
Another reason why I haven't touched my stories for awhile is because I liked Google Docs' organization abilities better than Word's. With Docs they have tabs inside the document so you can actually have your stories separated with in the same document. Whereas with Word, at least to my knowledge, the only thing separates them is the headings. I should go back to Docs...
My couch? And an ungodly amount of clutter? I watch tv in the evenings and sometimes I decide to write while I do so. I get my computer out and have it on my lap, while I sit on the couch and watch tv, ignoring the clutter caused by my undiagnosed ADHD and complete lack of motivation to do anything related to chores...
People put prep work into their stories? Like, they get prepared to write the story? I just sit down and write whatever I can come up with if it fits my current story. Sometimes I have to tweak things so it all fits together.
I haven't come up with any irrelevant details yet. Everything must be part of the story somehow.
Given that most of my characters are based on me, yes I very much regret going into their heads and I haven't come up with a way to get back out yet. Please send help. I think I took a wrong turn back at Imagination Avenue?
I can't think of a specific character that was stressful. The most stressful situation to write though, has been the wedding reception for my (healthy) romance story. I have no idea what to do with it.
My MC for the romance story has probably been the most delightful. Either her, or Nialith Madgarb, (pronounced nye-uh-lith Mad-garb) from my DND campaign.
My brain is a cesspool for the craziest ideas. I pull inspiration from everywhere. Sometimes I wish the inspiration well WOULD run dry so I could have a moment of peace and quiet, but nay, I am doomed to an eternity of infinite ideas that I simply must run with. I am exhausted.
I have not yet written my dreams, nor dreamed my writings.
"Thank you for reading my stories. It means a lot to have people who enjoy my writing. Or are open to civil discussion about why they don't like it. I truly appreciate y'all"
Do deepfakes count? There is a series called "Master Chief teaches" and it's a bunch of videos of an ai recreation of Master Chief's voice and a script where "Master Chief" teaches you how to do stuff. In the video titled "Master Chief teaches you what to do when things go sideways" he says "adopting a solution-oriented mind helps you stay focused on what is most important during any crisis and that is taking action. Without action there is no movement, and without movement problems remain what they are" "Without movement problems remain what they are" is something I return to regularly when I start feeling overwhelmed by school, chores, etc. I could sit there and avoid the problem until it's so bad I can't anymore, or I could take action and make a move to fix the problem when I encounter it instead of sitting there overwhelmed and frozen. I recommend giving the video a watch, even if you don't play or like Halo.
I like to draw and paint (with watercolor, acrylic, and/or ink), and I have dabbled in cross-stitch, embroidery, and diamond art. I plan to draw some of the characters from my stories. I really want to paint Nialith Madgarb in my inks, but I am still working on mentally designing her character.
"Let's eat grandma"... Use the Oxford comma, people. It saves lives.
I cannot remember a single writing rule to comment on right now. If it works for your story and style, go for it. If it doesn't, yeet it into the abyss. Idk
I know an entire alphabet's worth of star wars character's and then some. This has nothing to do with my ability to write. Also, Halo 5: Guardians and Star Wars: The Force Awakens came out the same year, one in October, the other in December. Again, not related to my writing.
They wouldn't even consider me lol. And if they did, they'd think I was insane. And had severe ADHD. And they wouldn't be wrong...
My writing process is too slow and barely existing. Nothing about it is super weird except for the fact that I bounce all over the story and fill in the missing parts once I come up with a way to do so. As for the cats, they like to think they don't care about us, but they 100% do. And they would die of embarrassment if they knew we know they care.
Nothing. If I feel like giving up, I take a break until I inevitably come up with an irresistible idea on how to continue the story. Rinse and repeat.
I don't know if you mean a poem someone else wrote, or one I wrote, so I shall do both. Robert Frost's Stopping by woods on a Snowy Evening: Whose woods these are I think I know His house in the village though He will not see me stopping here To watch his woods fill up with snow My little horse must think it queer To stop without a farmhouse near Between the woods and frozen lake The darkest evening of the year He gives is harness bells a shake To ask if there is some mistake The only other sound's the sweep Of easy wind and downy flake The woods are lovely, dark and deep But I have promises to keep And miles to go before I sleep And miles to go before I sleep. My poem: Where’s my Neverland?: Where’s my Neverland? I’ve got so much in my hand Meetings and school I know you do too We want an adventure But life forces expenditure Paying the bills By wasting our skills Wish I could read until 2 a.m. But, alas, an adult I am And my days are made up Of working towards a paystub I wish we were kids Lying down in our beds Looking out at the sky Where the stars are not shy People today are depressed and dismayed All the time worrying about being betrayed Worried about being laid off from work And still somehow not giving a "fork" Where is our Neverland? Where is our wish? Of fun-filled times and Mom’s favorite dish? Where’s our adventure filled with imagination and beauty? Of digging in sand to find pirate booty? The answer is simple, and yet oh so sad Those days are gone by, the best days we’ve had Those memories are all that we have Of those days made whole by a laugh But, worry not, for there’s always tomorrow So, please don’t obsess over yesterday’s sorrow Look straight ahead While lying in bed Dreaming of heaven Those days will be back soon I reckon Where sorrows will be traded for unending joy And kids in sandboxes again shout “AHOY” And we can always smell the finest of food And all work turns to play and we know that it’s good
I hope this answers all your questions and confirms that writers are in fact weird. :) And I hope the poetry was satisfactory.
Weird Questions for Writers (because writers are weird)
1. What font do you write in? Do you actually care or is that just the default setting?
2. If you had to give up your keyboard and write your stories exclusively by hand, could you do it? If you already write everything by hand, a) are you a wizard and b) pen or pencil?
3. What is your writing ritual and why is it cursed?
4. What’s a word that makes you go absolutely feral?
5. Do you have any writing superstitions? What are they and why are they 100% true?
6. What is your darkest fear about writing?
7. What is your deepest joy about writing?
8. If you had to write an entire story without either action or dialogue, which would you choose and how would it go?
9. Do you believe in ghosts? This isn’t about writing I just wanna know
10. Has a piece of writing ever “haunted” you? Has your own writing haunted you? What does that mean to you?
11. Do you believe in the old advice to “kill your darlings?” Are you a ruthless darling assassin? What happens to the darlings you murder? Do you have a darling graveyard? Do you grieve?
12. If a genie offered you three writing wishes, what would they be? Btw if you wish for more wishes the genie turns all your current WIPs into Lorem Ipsum, I don’t make the rules
13. What is a subject matter that is incredibly difficult for you write about? What is easy?
14. Do you lend your books to people? Are people scared to borrow books from you? Do you know exactly where all your “lost” books are and which specific friend from school you haven’t seen in twelve years still possesses them? Will you ever get them back?
15. Do you write in the margins of your books? Dog-ear your pages? Read in the bath? Why or why not? Do you judge people who do these things? Can we still be friends?
16. What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever used as a bookmark?
17. Talk to me about the minutiae of your current WIP. Tell me about the lore, the history, the detail, the things that won’t make it in the text.
18. Choose a passage from your writing. Tell me about the backstory of this moment. How you came up with it, how it changed from start to end. Spicy addition: Questioner provides the passage.
19. Tell me a story about your writing journey. When did you start? Why did you start? Were there bumps along the way? Where are you now and where are you going?
20. If a witch offered you the choice between eternal happiness with your one true love and the ability to finally finish, perfect, and publish your dearest, darlingest, most precious WIP in exactly the way you've always imagined it — which would you choose? You can’t have both sorry, life’s a bitch
21. Could you ever quit writing? Do you ever wish you could? Why or why not?
22. How organized are you with your writing? Describe to me your organization method, if it exists. What tools do you use? Notebooks? Binders? Apps? The Cloud?
23. Describe the physical environment in which you write. Be as detailed as possible. Tell me what’s around you as you work. Paint me a picture.
24. How much prep work do you put into your stories? What does that look like for you? Do you enjoy this part or do you just want to get on with it?
25. What is a weird, hyper-specific detail you know about one of your characters that is completely irrelevant to the story?
26. How do you get into your character’s head? How do you get out? Do you ever regret going in there in the first place?
27. Who is the most stressful character you’ve ever written? Why?
28. Who is the most delightful character you’ve ever written? Why?
29. Where do you draw your inspiration? What do you do when the inspiration well runs dry?
30. Talk to me about the role dreams play in your writing life. Have you ever used material from your dreams in your writing? Have you ever written in a dream? Did you remember it when you woke up?
31. Write a short love letter to your readers.
32. What is a line from a poem/novel/fanfic etc that you return to from time and time again? How did you find it? What does it mean to you?
33. Do you practice any other art besides writing? Does that art ever tie into your writing, or is it entirely separate?
34. Thoughts on the Oxford comma, Go:
35. What’s your favorite writing rule to smash into smithereens?
36. They say to Write What You Know. Setting aside for a moment the fact that this is terrible advice...what do you Know?
37. If you were to be remembered only by the words you’ve put on the page, what would future historians think of you?
38. What is something about your writing process YOU think is Really Weird? If you are comfortable, please share. If you’re not comfortable, what do you think cats say about us?
39. What keeps you writing when you feel like giving up?
40. Please share a poem with me, I need it.
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Do you think there is a way to ethically watch Sandman and Good Omens? What about Dead Boy Detectives?
Andddd this was why I originally turned off anons. I knew this was coming eventually, but I guess I'll respond just this once so everyone knows where I stand.
I don't love that I feel the need to disclose this, but I have personally experienced grooming and sexual assault in the past. So this post is coming from someone who has Been There and understands the importance of supporting victims. I also love all of the efforts NG-related fandoms have been putting into raising money for sexual assault charities. It's wonderful to see people rallying behind the survivors and supporting them so vocally.
- DEAD BOY DETECTIVES: NOT A GAIMAN WORK
I do not think that there is a world where Dead Boy Detectives would be unethical to stream. It has virtually nothing to do with Neil Gaiman, by his own admission, and is the brain-child of Steve Yockey.
Besides the first chapter where Charles and Edwin were introduced (with no development), he didn't even write the comics! Several artists did, including Toby Litt and Mark Buckingham - whose run the show is based on and who the sprites are named after.
Yockey was the sole person to pitch DBDA to Warner Brothers. Gaiman did not do that.
Streaming Dead Boy Detectives primarily supports its writers, cast, and crew - Gaiman, who only wrote 2 scenes, is getting essentially nothing in terms of royalties.
Someone on Twitter did a really good job of unpacking why Dead Boy Detectives shouldn't be lumped in with Gaiman stuff - I'll link it here.
But this leads me to the next section.
- HANDLING GOOD OMENS AND SANDMAN
I think that there are a lot of valid reactions to the way people handle the consumption of Gaiman's shows after what he has done.
Some people are going to be unable to stomach anything he has written, and that is okay. Others whose lives have been massively impacted by his work aren't going to be able to let go since - and I know people like to deny this, but it's true - the art you love more than love itself is going to have a serious material impact on your personality.
Both of these approaches are alright! The only incorrect approach is to harass those who disagree with your personal choices.
It also is, in my opinion, Bad to give Gaiman money. Purchasing his books and buying Good Omens official merch puts cash in his pocket.
Streaming the shows, though, is a little more nuanced to me.
I'm going to use Good Omens as an example here. I personally will not be continuing with Good Omens. It gives me a Yucky Feeling. I may one day change my mind and stream a pirated version, but I don't think so.
However, I don't think Sheen and Tenant's fans are wrong to stream it in support of the actors who have brought their favourite characters to life.
But this leads me into my next point, and the point that will probably get me Canceled.
- THE IMPACT OF SHOWS ON PEOPLE
The way that people handle their favourite shows post-allegations is going to depend on the impact that the show had on their life.
I like Good Omens. It's a fun show. I enjoyed it while watching it, and think (see: thought) positively of it. But it had no real deep impact on my life - it's not part of me. When I look at Good Omens now, I see Gaiman's work above the finished product. It puts a sour taste in my mouth.
But in a hypothetical world, if Dead Boy Detectives were a Gaiman production? I have the self-awareness to know that I probably would still stream it to support the cast and crew. I am attached enough to it that I think I would divorce it entirely from Gaiman (if he were the creator, which he is not.) My point is that other people who are still streaming Sandman and GO probably don't look at it and see Gaiman. They see something that they have absorbed into themselves.
The part that's going to get me canceled is that if George cameos in Sandman, I will stream that one (1) episode to support George Rexstrew (Edwin Payne's actor). This is because Edwin has had a material impact on my life (hilariously, because I am a sexual violence survivor who did not get justice, and Edwin did not get justice for his murder and fights for that.) I feel that Edwin is part of me and my life, because Edwin (and George's work as Edwin) has made me feel less alone.
A lot of people feel that way about Crowley and Aziraphale.
I think that asking people to ditch a show, characters, and performers that have had a deep impact on their lives is unfair to them. Like, yes, Neil Gaiman is a bag of shit! Anyone who defends him is also a bag of shit! But I don't think that it's fair to stop people from supporting works that have had big material impacts on their own lives.
- HOW TO PROCEED
TL;DR
My personal ideal outcome here would be:
Wrap up Good Omens with the 90-minute movie and nothing else.
Wrap up Sandman with season 2, and do not renew.
Revive Dead Boy Detectives WITH THE CAVEAT that Gaiman gets his name removed from it, even if he currently isn't making much money off it. Take the Sandman characters and references from DBDA and let it become its own standalone thing.
Cancel all future Gaiman productions and never hire him to work on television or anything else again.
Let Gaiman's career die entirely and let him fade into obscurity.
Arrest Gaiman, which will never happen but it should.
I think people should:
Stop giving Neil Gaiman money through books or merch.
Make their own decisions about whether or not to officially stream the shows in support of the actors and crew members who have worked hard on it.
Not harass anyone for either their decision to stream the show, not stream the show, or stream a pirated version of the show.
Engage as much as they want with fandom and fanworks, as they are divorced from the source material's creator.
Vocally speak up against Neil Gaiman. Amplify the voices of the survivors, and don't let fear for the future of your show get in the way of that. At the end of the day, real women were put through the most traumatic and horrifying experience of their lives, and that's what matters most.
#im probably going to turn off anons again so i dont get weird harassment over this#neil gaiman#tw neil gaiman#the sandman#good omens#dead boy detectives
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CHAPTER TEN ━━ The Introduction
❀ ━ pairing: paige bueckers x oc (jo jacobson)
❀ ━ word count: 5.9K
❀ ━ warnings: allusions to sex, alcohol consumption
❀ ━ links: my masterlist, nobody gets me masterlist
❀ ━ author’s note: hehe
IT’S FRIDAY, December 2nd, and UConn just annihilated Providence. Jo played out of her mind, as she always does. Of course, Paige is proud. Of course she is. But both her performance and the team win can’t really make this might feel like a victory for Paige to bask in. 
Currently, she’s standing in Nika’s kitchen, staring down at the cup full of Everclear in her hand. The liquid inside is dangerous, too strong for her, and yet she’s already downed three or four shots. She doesn’t even like it. In fact, she usually avoids this shit like the plague. But tonight, it’s the only thing she can think of to numb her, the only thing that might be able to quiet the anxious, suffocating storm inside her chest.
It’s almost laughable, really, how predictable she is. How every time Jo does something—breathes, laughs, smiles—Paige feels like she’s suffocating just a little more. It’s insane. They’re best friends. They’ve been living together since May. She’s seen every side of Jo—the silly, the serious, the completely ridiculous.
Well, every side except the one she shares with Asher.
Because Paige still hasn’t met him.
She’s seen all the pictures, of course—the one’s on Jo’s Instagram, the one that Jo has as her lock screen, the one framed in Jo’s family’s house back in Boston, the one perched on Jo’s desk in their apartment. She hears about him a God awful lot, too. She’s seen Jo text him, call him. She’s listened to Jo gush about him and their future while Paige is just… there. Watching Listening. Seeing Jo get lost in that perfect, fairytale love that Paige will never be a part of.
The rest of the team, on the other hand, have already met the damn boy. Back in October, while Paige was in LA rehabbing, he’d come up to visit Jo, and they’d met him. And, of course, they all informed Paige of how kind and charming and absolutely perfect for Jo he was.
And, tonight, it seems that Paige has finally met her dues. Because he’s coming to Ted’s with Jo, to hang out with the team.
Okay, it’s not that Paige wants to hate Asher. He hasn’t done anything to her, not really. She just doesn’t want to see it. Doesn’t want to see the joy and adoration in Jo’s eyes when she’s with him. Doesn’t want to see her look at someone else the way she’ll never look at Paige.
That’s why she’s standing here in Nika’s kitchen, holding the cup of Everclear like it’s a lifeline. She’s downed drink after drink, trying to numb herself before the night really starts. She needs something to take the edge off. Anything to make the world feel a little less sharp, a little less raw.
So, Paige reaches for the bottle again, pouring herself another cup, her hand unsteady from the alcohol already coursing through her veins. She doesn’t even care that she’s probably about to get way too drunk to function. It doesn’t matter. Nothing matters. Not when she’s about to experience first-hand the perfect, romcom, movie-like romance of Jo and Asher.
As Paige pours the drink, she doesn’t even hear Caroline approach. It’s not until the sophomore’s hand wraps around her wrist that Paige jerks back, spilling some of the alcohol across the counter. “Bro!” she exclaims, frustration creeping into her voice as she whips her head to glare at Caroline. “What the hell?”
Caroline narrows her eyes, and the look she gives Paige is one of irritation, not amusement. “What are you doing?” she demands, voice tight. “You’re gonna be wasted before we even get to Ted’s. Besides, you don’t even like this shit!” She gestures to the bottle of Everclear in Paige’s hand, her gaze pointed.
Paige rolls her eyes. “Nah, don’t do that with me, Carol,” she says, her voice flat and cold, the words rolling off her tongue like venom. “I’m older than you. If you wanna mother someone, go find the freshmen.”
Caroline doesn’t flinch at Paige’s outburst. Instead, she just rolls her eyes back, her expression practically dripping with exasperation. Then, with one swift motion, she gives Paige a quick shove on the shoulder, a mockery of affection that’s meant to get her attention but only serves to make Paige more frustrated. “No,” Caroline says, her tone laced with that same tired edge. “I’m gonna mother because clearly you need it!”
The words land like a slap, stinging more than Paige expects. Yes, she knows she’s not being entirely responsible, but also—when has she been? It’s sort of in her nature to be irresponsible, so she’s not sure how this is any different. But is is. And she doesn’t even know why.
There’s a long pause. Too long. It stretches between them like a chasm, and Paige can feel the moment hanging in the air like it’s about to swallow her whole. She thinks Caroline might be done. She thinks the conversation might be over.
But it’s not. Caroline is not finished.
“Look,” the brunette says, her voice gentler now, but still firm. “I know you’re, like, totally in love with Jo and all, but please, Paige, get yourself together.”
Almost instantly, Paige stills. It’s as if the entire world falls silent in an instant. The sound of her pulse fills her ears, louder than anything else. Her mind goes blank for a moment, and then the words slowly filter through. Caroline knows. Paige has been so careful recently to pretend, pretend, pretend. But Caroline’s still seen through it.
Fuck.
“Wha—? How did you know that?” Paige’s voice comes out high-pitched, more frantic than she wants it to be. She feels like she’s suffocating, like she’s about to drown in the truth that’s just been laid bare. “Did Azzi tell you? Aubrey?” The thought of anyone else but the two of them knowing, of anyone else seeing what she’s been trying to hide, is bad. It’s what Paige imagines standing in front of a crowded room, naked, while everyone stares at her would feel like.
Caroline gives her a look. “No, dumbass,” she deadpans. “I figured it out myself. You’re not very subtle.”
As if it were possible, Paige’s stomach seems to drop even more at the simplicity of it all. Because Caroline’s right, just as Aubrey and Azzi both had been. Paige isn’t subtle. She never has been. The way she looks at Jo, the way her face burns every time Jo smiles at her, the way she seems to track everything Jo doesn’t without even meaning to—none of it is subtle.
She groans, a frustrated sound that escapes her before she can stop it. She leans forward, her palms flat against the counter as she rests her forehead against the cool surface. She’s so tired. Tired of pretending, tired of fighting the feeling that never goes away. And now, with Caroline’s words hanging before her, she knows it’s probably only a matter of time before Jo figured it out, too. Before Jo realizes what Paige has been hiding, and everything goes to shit. Jesus Christ, she’s gonna have to transfer.
Caroline doesn’t let the silence linger for too long, though. “Okay, yeah,” she says, her voice softening a little. “I know it sucks. I get it.” She takes a deep breath, and Paige can hear the sympathy in her voice, the understanding. “And I’m sorry you have to see Jo with Asher while you like her. But, please, get yourself together. Because she’s so excited for you to meet him, and if you’re drunk off your mind when you do, you’re probably just gonna embarrass yourself and her. Do you wanna do that?”
Caroline’s right. Of course she is. Paige can imagine herself meeting Asher, entirely wasted, and saying some stupid shit that would have him grimacing at her and Jo flushing with embarrassment over the fact that this drunk girl before them is supposed to be her best friend. It would be wrong and selfish to do that. But it’s gonna be so hard to do it and act normal. She knows she swore she would take Jo in whatever way she’ll give her—and she still stands by that—but that doesn’t mean she has any desire to meet her boyfriend. Because she just doesn’t. She’s truly not sure she can. 
She doesn’t respond right away. Instead, she just stays there, head pressed against the counter, trying to will sway the stupid, hot tears that begin to form in her eyes. She can’t cry here. It’s fucking stupid.
Eventually, after blinking the tears away, Paige begrudgingly shakes her head. “No,” she mutters under her breath, the words barely audible. “I don’t wanna do that.”
Caroline pats her on the back. “That’s what I thought.”
PAIGE LISTENS. She’s being good. She’s only slightly tipsy, every so often taking sips of her Dirty Shirley. She’s doing her best to integrate herself into the team’s conversation around her, despite her uncharacteristic anxiousness. She tries to will her gaze to stop flicking toward the door. It doesn’t work; her mind is already rehearsing every possible scenario when Jo and Asher walk in.
“Aye, JoJo just said they should be here any minute!” Ice says loudly, reading a text off her phone. The rest of the team, half-fueled by the alcohol running through their bloodstream, lets out a few cheers.
Azzi, who’s across from Paige and who Paige can tell is almost entirely sober, meets her eyes. She title her head, giving her a look as if to say you good? The blonde gives her a tight nod. She will be good. She’s gonna keep it together, it’ll be fine. It’s just one night, one introduction. After that, she can pretend none of it matters. She doesn’t need to be anywhere near Asher.
But even as she tells herself that, her pulse begins to quicken, the seconds ticking by too slowly as she waits for the pair to walk through that door. And, when they finally do, it’s not the way she thought it would be. She expected her heart to sink, her breath to catch, but what happens instead is worse. Her skin tingles, and her chest feels too tight, like her ribs are being squeezed, her lungs struggling for air. Jo walks in first, her laugh ringing out across the bar like it’s some beautiful melody that Paige can’t stop hearing. And then there’s Asher, in the flesh, right behind her. His arm is casually draped over Jo’s shoulder, and the two of them look so natural, so right together that it makes Paige feel like she’s been hit with a sucker punch to the gut.
They’re happy. It’s blatantly obvious in the way they move together, the way Asher’s hand rests lightly on Jo’s shoulder, the way they share that easy, carefree smile, as if nothing in the world could ruin this moment for them. Paige’s vision sharpens, the edge of the bar blurring as the urge to shrink away into herself rises up like an overwhelming tide. She wants to leave, to disappear, to drink so much she blacks out and dies.
But she doesn’t. Obviously.
Jo and Asher head straight toward the team, where they stand in the back corner. Paige forces herself to appear nonchalant like always, her back pressed against the bar wall, her fingers gripping the edge of her drink. The others begin to greet the pair quickly, all laughing and chatting with him so easily and fast it almost gives Paige whiplash. Within a minute, he already fits in so seamlessly—and Paige hates if. She hates the way he’s making them all laugh, the way he’s charming without even trying, the way everyone seems to like him so easily. Things would be so much easier for Paige if he was just some shitty douchebag boy.
But then Jo’s eyes find hers, that smile spreading across her face, and all thoughts of the boy flee for a short moment. It’s that smile only for her, only for Paige. She’s reserved it.
Paige feels her heart leap, an automatic reaction that she can’t stop, especially with alcohol in her system. She doesn’t know if Jo can see it, the way her face softens at the sight of her, but Paige knows her smile is already in place, even if it feels a little strained, like her cheeks might crack under the pressure.
Paige watches as Jo grabs onto Asher’s wrist, pulling him so they’re both face to face with Paige. “Paige! This is Asher!” she exclaims excitedly, and it’s adorable, it really is, the way her doe eyes shine at Paige, twinkling.
With some effort, the blonde forces her gaze from Jo to the boy beside her. “Hey, bro,” Paige says, her voice coming out a little higher than she intended, but she doesn’t let it show. She forces the words out, the greeting she’s practiced a thousand times too many.
“Nice to meet you,” she adds. It’s a lie. Of course.
Asher nods, his hand extending to shake hers. It makes everything inside Paige write. He’s not just some asshole she can dismiss; he’s the guy who makes Jo happy. And in the face of that, what does Paige have to offer? Absolutely nothing.
“Yeah, you too,” Asher replies, his smile wide, genuine. Fuck, he really is likable. It makes everything worse. “I’ve heard a lot about you.”
Stupidly, Paige can feel her heart skip a beat. He’s heard about her. Jo’s talked about her. The thought of it makes her skin flush, and she glances at Jo, who’s standing just a little too close to Asher, her eyes sparkling. There’s a faint blush on her cheeks, just enough for Paige to notice.
Hm.
Jo’s talked about her. Jo’s talked about her. It’s an absurdly stupid thing to obsess over, because, yes, it would only make sense that Jo has talked about her. They’re roommates, for God’s sakes.
But then, just as quickly, it all comes rushing back—the overwhelming knowledge that it just doesn’t matter. Because Jo has Asher.
Paige’s hand in tightens slightly around her drink, and she forces her smile to stay in place. “I bet,” she says, before gesturing to Jo. “She’s a yapper.”
Asher’s grin widens, and he nods in agreement. He glances down at Jo for a moment, and Paige can see the faint sparkle in his own eyes. It makes her sick. “Yeah, she is,” he chuckles. Of course he would know that. He knows everything. Certainly more than Paige (except how to make a girl cum—though, at this point, she supposes it can’t even apply to the situation). But he’s been there. For everything. Since the fucking sandbox days. It’s not something Paige can even remotely compete with.
She needs another drink.
JO SITS awkwardly in the booth at Ted’s, wedged between Asher and Paige. It’s not even that the space is tight—there’s room enough for the three of them, probably room for one more—but the proximity feels off, almost claustrophobic. She shifts in her seat, feeling the edge of Asher’s knee against hers, and Paige’s shoulder brushing lightly against her own. All of it—the heat from their bodies, the weight of their presence—is somehow making her feel small, like there’s no space for her in this conversation.
Asher, ever the extrovert, is holding court with Paige, talking on and on about college football rankings and how Penn State (where he goes to school) is sure to win their bowl game. Jo tries to listen and engage, but the topic doesn’t interest her. Basketball is far superior to football. But she still follows along, because Asher’s so into it, so excited to share his thoughts, and Paige—who, as usual, is completely unfazed by the world around her—responds with that ease that always leaves Jo wanting more.
Jo feels herself sinking lower in the booth, staring at her drink. It’s a cranberry vodka, something that feels sweet on her tongue. She takes another sip—maybe too quickly—and feels the alcohol warm her from the inside out. It helps dull the growing discomfort, but it doesn’t erase it. The tightness in her chest persists, a strange, insistent thing that makes her shift again, trying to find a way to make herself comfortable.
She doesn’t know why she feels this way. She should be happy. She should be enjoying this. After all, she’s the one who was so eager to introduce Asher and Paige, so excited to see her favorite people meet and get along. So why does it feel… wrong now? Why does it feel like she doesn’t belong?
It’s not jealousy. No, not even close. She’s fine with Asher and Paige talking. She’s good with it. She wants them to like each other. She’s been waiting for this, hoping for it. But still… the weight of their conversation feels like it’s too much for her to hear, even if she can’t articulate why. It’s the way they’re so at ease with each other, like they’ve known each other for years, and Jo feels like she’s just a spectator, stuck in the middle. Paige is talking about football like she’s always been passionate about it, and Jo wonders if she even really cares or if she’s just being her usual, charismatic self, making everyone around her feel like they’re the most important person in the room.
She doesn’t know why this feels so weird, so odd. It’s almost as if the booth is too small for the three of them, like either Asher of Paige needs to move out of it so Jo can finally breathe again. She just doesn’t get it.
Asher keeps talking, oblivious to the tension knotting in Jo’s stomach. She can tell he’s enjoying himself, that he’s happy to be here, happy to be connecting with Paige. He’s wanted to ever since he’s realized how close she and Jo are, not to mention the fact that he’s a big fan of Paige’s game—which, valid. And Paige, of course, is just as nonchalant as always. She’s good at this—at making people feel seen and heard, like she’s the only person in the room that matters.
Jo tries to keep her smile in place, but she knows it’s not quite reaching her eyes. Every time Paige laughs, it hits something inside her she can’t explain, some quiet ache. Every time Asher leans in closer to Paige, every time they lock eyes, Jo feels a small, gnawing discomfort in the pit of her stomach. Not jealousy, just… something else. Something she doesn’t want to name.
Paige’s voice cuts through her thoughts, and Jo snaps back to the moment. “I’mma go get another Shirley,” the blonde says easily, pushing herself up from the booth. Jo watches her walk away, feeling a strange sense of relief mixed with the sudden urge to grab Paige’s hand and pull her right back. So weird.
Asher’s voice suddenly cuts through the murmur of chatter, causing Jo’s head to snap toward him. He’s looking at her now, his brow furrowed in that way he gets when he’s concerned. “Babe, you good? You been kinda, like… quiet?”
Jo forces a smile, the expression coming easy enough but feeling unnatural on her lips. It doesn’t quite reach her eyes, and she can feel it, can feel the way he’s watching her, sensing something is off. Why am I being like this? She doesn’t know.
“Yeah, let’s go dance,” she says, the words sounding too breezy. Asher doesn’t seem to notice, though, his smile brightening. He takes her hand in his, tugging her up from the booth.
They make their way to the dance floor, and Jo feels the heat of the crowd, the heavy bass that vibrates in her chest. She tries to lose herself in it, tries to let the rhythm take over. Asher’s hands find her waist, guiding her gently, pulling her closer as they fall into the music. She moves with him, tries to feel the warmth of his body, the comfort of being with him. It’s weird, though, because the steps feel a little too quick, like she’s trying to make her body fit the rhythm of something that feels off.
Her gaze drifts without meaning to. It’s not even something she consciously does, it just happens, as her eyes scan the room, taking in the crowd of people. And then, they land at the bar.
Paige is there, talking with someone Jo doesn’t recognize at first. But when she squints her eyes, trying to make sense of the redhead leaning over the counter, she realizes it’s Celeste. She watches, captivated for reasons she doesn’t understand, as Celeste leans in closer to Paige, her fingers brushing along Paige’s arm. Jo doesn’t really like that. She should stop watching.
But she doesn’t. And the longer she stares, the more that strange feelings gnaws at her. She can’t tear her gaze away, even though she tries. It’s weird and wrong, Jo knows, watching her best friend cook up her nightly fuck—because, surely, that’s what this is.
And then, just as if she’s been caught, Paige’s eyes meet here. Jo feels her heart skip a beat. Her cheeks instantly flush, her gaze jerking away from Paige’s with an awkwardness she doesn’t understand.
Bur when she dares to glance back, she finds Paige still looking at her, her gaze steady, unwavering. There’s something about the way Paige is staring, like she’s waiting for Jo to react, to do something, anything. Jo feels herself shift uneasily under that gaze, her skin heating as though she’s been caught in something she shouldn’t have been.
She looks away again, closing her eyes briefly as she tries to focus more intently on the movement of Asher’s hands on her hips, on the way he’s leading her in a slow circle. She tries to focus on the feel of his body close to hers, tries to drown out the memory of Paige’s eyes. But Jo’s thoughts are all scattered, her focus slipping like sand through her fingers.
The music changes, the beat shifting, becoming more sensual, slower. Asher leans in closer, his lips brushing against Jo’s ear, and he whispers in that low voice that always makes her shiver, “You wanna go back to yours?”
Jo nods automatically, because, yes, she really needs to leave this place.
As they move through the crowd, heading for the exit, Jo sneaks one last glance at the bar. She’s hoping for something—she doesn’t even know what—but Paige’s attention is elsewhere, focused on Celeste now. Jo feels a pang, but it’s fleeting, and she brushes it off with a shrug, tightening her grip on Asher’s hand.
“I’MMA GO get another Shirley,” Paige says, pushing herself out of the booth before either Jo or Asher can respond. She’s already halfway out by the time the words fully register with them, and she doesn’t wait to hear what they might say. For obvious reasons, talking to Asher has drained her. They’ve been going on and on about football, and it just got to a point. Not to mention the fact that Jo was between them, the whole right side of her body pressed against Asher, his arm casually slung over her shoulders.
Paige tries not to think too hard about it. She’s fine. She’s so fine, in fact, that she decides she needs another drink.
The bar is crowded, but Paige carves her way through the bodies easily. She leans against the counter, resting her forearms on the sticky surface as she flags down the bartender. She orders another Dirty Shirley, and then a shot of tequila because, well, it’s just one of those nights.
Paige exhales and lets herself sink into the moment—the crowd, the pounding bass of the music, the buzz of alcohol in her system. She tries to think about anything but the happy couple she’d been forced to hang out with for far longer than she’d planned.
Her drink arrives, the tequila shot placed next to it. She picks up the shot glass without hesitation, throwing it back quickly. The burn hits her immediately, sharp and biting, but she welcomes it. She needs it. The glass clinks against the bar as she sets it down, and she picks up her Shirley, sipping it to chase the tequila’s lingering heat.
“Hey, P,” a voice says from beside her, catching her off guard.
Paige turns, her brown furrowing for a split second before her expression smooths out. It’s Celeste. Of course.
“Hey,” Paige says casually, as if the sight of the redhead doesn’t throw her a little off balance for a moment. She’s not surprised Celeste is here—she��s always around. She’s also not surprised when Celeste slides closer, her lips curving into a smile that Paige knows all too well.
“You celebrating the win?” Celeste asks, her voice light, flirtatious. Paige has to give her credit, if she’s honest, because, really, this girl never gives up, no matter how hot and cold Paige is.
And, if Paige is even more honest, Celeste looks good. Better than good. She’s wearing some kind of black corset top that pushes her tits up in a way that’s impossible not to notice, her bright red hair perfectly blown out, and her makeup flawless even in the hazy lighting of Ted’s.
“Something like that,” Paige replies, her words accompanied by a small shrug. She takes another sip of her drink, letting the alcohol settle over her like a warm blanket.
Celeste doesn’t waste any time. She leans forward, her hand brushing against Paige’s arm in a way that’s calculated. “You looked good on the bench tonight. I posted a couple shots that the cameras got of you,” she says lowly.
Paige nearly snorts at the words—you looked good on the bench tonight. That’s what she’s been reduced to, a pretty bench-warmer, too injured and useless to be anywhere but on it. But she doesn’t laugh. Because she knows exactly what Celeste is doing. And under normal circumstances, she might be annoyed—Celeste has a habit of getting too attached, of acting like there’s more between them than there really is. But tonight, Paige is a little drunk, a little tired, and more than a little tempted to let herself fall into the distraction Celeste is offering. She was already planning on fucking someone tonight, and Celeste? Well, she’s right here, looking like that. Why not?
So, Paige smiles, tilting her head just slightly, enough to give the redhead the impression that she’s been hooked. “Yeah?” she says playfully, teasingly. “Didn’t know you were paying that much attention.”
Celeste laughs a little, leaning even closer, and Paige can feel the way her fingers linger on her arm. She plays along, letting herself fall into the conversation, the push and pull of flirtation. It’s easier to think about other things.
But, of course, somehow, her focus still seems to slip.
Over Celeste’s shoulder, Paige catches a glimpse of the dance floor. Her eyes find Jo and Asher almost instantly, like she was looking for them without even realizing it. They’re dancing, their bodies close, their smiles easy. They look happy. They look like they belong together. And it makes Paige want to puke.
She tries to look away, tries to focus on Celeste, on the warmth of her hand still on her arm, on the sharp curve of her smile. But she can’t. Her eyes keep drifting back to Jo, drawn to her like a moth to a flame.
And then, suddenly, Jo looks over. Their eyes meet across the room, and Celeste blurs into the background beside Paige like she was never even there. Paige should look away, should stop staring. But she doesn’t. Her eyes stay locked on Jo’s, rooted there.
But then Jo breaks the connection, her gaze shifting away, and Paige is left staring at nothing. She feels an idiotic pang, and forced herself to take another sip of her drink.
Celeste seems to notice, her head turning to follow Paige’s line of sight. Her eyes land on Jo and Asher, and she tilts her head as she turns back to Paige. “Is that Jo’s boyfriend?” she asks.
Paige nods. “Yup. His name’s Asher.” She forces her voice to sound calm and unaffected, even though saying his name feels like she’s choking on something too sharp to swallow.
Celeste hums slowly in response. She pauses for a moment, and Paige can feel her gaze, sharp and curious, boring into her. “So… you and Jo are, like, best friends, right?” Her tone is casual, but there’s something suspicious laced beneath it, like she’s fishing for something Paige doesn’t want to give.
Paige nods again, slower this time, turning her head to glance at Celeste. “Yeah…” she says, the word dragging out of her like it takes effort to say. She wonders where this is going.
“Well,” Celeste begins, tipping her shot glass back and setting it down with a faint clink. “I ask her about you sometimes, and she never really gives me a clear answer. I can tell she tries to be nice to me, but it doesn’t really seem like she likes me much.”
Paige raises an eyebrow at that, her instinct to defend Jo kicking in automatically. “Nah, Jo likes everyone,” she says, waving Celeste off with a dismissive hand. And it’s true—Jo does like everyone.
But Celeste shakes her head, her red hair catching the light. “I don’t know,” she says thoughtfully. “For a while, I kinda thought you and her were a thing.”
The words hit Paige like a slap, and she chokes on the sip of her Shirley she just took, coughing as she sets her glass down hard on the bar. “What—?” she manages to get out, her voice rough and disbelieving. Her heart is pounding so loudly in her chest she’s sure Celeste can hear it.
Celeste shrugs, her expression almost too nonchalant, like she knows exactly what kind of chaos she’s causing. “Yeah. I mean, I guess I just kinda got that vibe. But if she’s got a boyfriend and we’ve fucked a couple times recently… I guess I was wrong.”
Paige blinks at her, wide-eyed. “You definitely were,” she says quickly, the words tumbling out too fast, too eager to set the record straight. Her face is flushed, and she can feel the heat crawling up her neck. “We’re just friends. Nothing more. At all.”
The words feel heavy in her mouth, bitter and thick. They’re not a lie, no matter how much Paige sometimes wishes it could be.
She doesn’t miss the way Celeste studies her, her green eyes narrowing slightly, like she’s trying to figure out if Paige is telling the truth. Paige hates how exposed she feels, like someone on the outside—someone as far removed as Celeste—can somehow sense the mess of feelings she’s been trying so hard to bury.
She forces herself to take a large gulp of her Shirley, the alcohol doing little to ease the tightness in her stomach. When she glanced back at the dance floor, her eyes automatically searched for Jo, she realizes that she’s—and Asher—are gone from their previous spot.
Her gaze flickers around the bar, scanning the corners, but they’re nowhere to be found. Probably went to go fuck, she thinks bitterly. Even though she has insight now that Asher is basically terrible at it, the idea still makes Paige want to die.
But she doesn’t. Obviously.
Instead, she finishes the last of her drink, turning her attention back to the girl next to her, forcing her signature smirk back onto her lips. Jo’s gone, busy with him, and Paige doesn’t owe anyone anything.
She leans into the conversation, matching Celeste’s flirtation with her own, their banter growing looser and bolder with each drink they down. The alcohol is certainly doing it’s job, blurring the edges of her thoughts, making everything feel distant and less painful.
Unexpectedly, Paige ends up in Celeste’s bed. And, also unexpectedly, she thinks about brown hair and doe eyes during the entirety of it.
JO LIES tangled in the sheets with Asher, her head resting on his bare chest, his arm wrapped around her back. It’s around four, she thinks, and the world outside feels impossibly quiet at this hour, the kind of stillness that comes only in the dead of night. Asher’s fingers trace slow, lazy patterns along her shoulder, his touch featherlight and soothing.
The haze of the night has mostly worn off now—the alcohol burned away by time, replaced by a comfortable clarity that feels almost foreign after hours of noise and chaos. It’s just the two of them now, alone in her room, their breaths in sync, the moment easy and weightless and familiar.
Jo closes her eyes, letting herself drift in the warmth of his presence, but her mind doesn’t quiet as easily as her body does. It’s almost like something beneath the surges won’t let her fully settle. It’s not unease, exactly. Not suspicion. Just… something. A restlessness she can’t name.
“Okay, I gotta piss,” Asher says suddenly, breaking the silence.
Jo snorts, her eyes fluttering open as she turns her head to look up at him. “Way to ruin the moment,” she teases, though her voice is laced with affection.
Asher grind down at her, unapologetic as he shifts, moving to sit up on the edge of the bed. “Nature calls,” he jokes. He starts to stand, but Jo catches his wrist, tugging him back down for just a second.
“Put some clothes on first,” she reminds him. “Paige got back a little bit ago.” She’d heard the door open, the quiet shuffle of footsteps as Paige made her way to her room. It was probably a half an hour ago, maybe less, and Jo had listened, wondering how Paige’s night had gone, whether she’d been alone or gone back with the team or left with Celeste.
Asher groans playfully, leaning down to peck Jo’s lips. “I will, I will,” he promises, his voice low and warm.
Jo rolls her eyes but can’t help the soft laugh truth escapes her. “You’d better,” she says, swatting lightly at his bare chest.
He smirks before gathering his clothes from the floor. Jo watches him for a moment, her head propped on her hand, a faint smile tugging at her lips despite herself. He looks good, his hair messy, his lips still swollen pink from all the kissing. And he’s here—he’s always been hers. She knows she should feel lucky.
When he leaves the bedroom to disappear into the bathroom, Jo sighs and sits up, swinging her legs over the edge of the bed. The cool air against her skin makes her shiver, so she grabs the first things she can find—a T-shirt and a pair of sweatpants from her drawer. She pulls them on quickly, then settles back on the bed, folding her legs beneath her as she waits for Asher to return.
The sharp buzz of a phone notification catches her attention, the sound loud in the quiet.
Instinctively, Jo reaches over to the nightstand, assuming it’s hers. She picks up the phone without thinking, the screen lighting up in her hand—and stops short.
The message isn’t hers.
Her heart stills in her chest, her breath halting for a moment as she stares at the screen. Without thinking, she presses on the contact, scrolling and scrolling and scrolling, unraveling everything she thought she knew in an instant.
She doesn’t notice the sound of the bathroom door opening, doesn’t register Asher’s footsteps until they’re right at her bedroom door.
And then she hears his voice, soft and unsuspecting. “What’s wrong?”
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like a python 🧊 jihoon x reader.
jihoon doesn’t know how many years of pining he has left in him.
★ rockstar!jihoon x reader. ★ word count: 2.5k ★ genre/warnings: alternate universe: non-idol. jihoon-centric, childhood friends, yearning... so much yearning, young k makes a cameo, jihoon is a bit lame (affectionately), cussing/swearing. mentions of alcohol, food. ★ footnotes: got7 dropped winter heptagon and it's all i can think about. wrote this in one sitting as a show of gratitude to @chugging-antiseptic-dye for introducing me to these boys. haven't done a song fic in a hot minute, but for lee jihoon and got7? anything. shoutout to igot7_MarKP on twitter for the english translation of the lyrics.
🎧 now playing: python by got7 — i know i'm an icon, watch me with the lights on; but she got a hold on me like a python.
▸ MUSIC IS HOW I'VE BEEN VENTING NOW... OVERSEAS, I'M SELLING OUT.
It’s pretty surreal to Jihoon, being in a room with some of the biggest names in rock.
In the past hour alone, he’s met Alex Turner, Dave Grohl, and— holy shit, is that Hayley Williams? Jihoon is getting dizzy, and it’s not only because of all the secondhand smoke he’s inhaled since he got to the Rolling Stones afterparty.
The best of the best. That’s what the invitation had boasted. It was the scene’s most coveted event, and Jihoon somehow made it to the guest list.
Unbidden, your voice nags from somewhere in the back of his mind. You’re the best, Jihoon-ah.
He shakes his head, like he’s physically trying to get away from the thought of you. This had been happening a lot more as of late. Fleeting moments wherein he’d imagine how you would react, what you’d say.
But Jihoon always catches himself. He snaps himself out of it and goes back to recording, goes back to performing.
God, he needs to get it together. He’s starting to regret saying ‘no’ to the cigarette Ely Buendia was offering him earlier.
(In Jihoon’s defense, he didn’t smoke often. He didn’t want to fuck up his vocal chords. He had a one-cigarette-a-year rule, and he wasn’t about to use it now. It was only January; who knew what else the year would throw him?)
Jihoon is contemplating some other vice— maybe he can go grab another beer— when he feels a tap on his shoulder. At the sight of who came up to him, Jihoon immediately folds into a bow.
“There’s no need for that,” Younghyun says, equal parts amused and embarrassed. “We’re all the same here, yeah?”
Jihoon pulls himself to his full height. “Not… really,” he says lamely, and then he immediately launches into mumbled apologies when he realizes how he might have sounded.
It wasn’t that Jihoon thought he was better than his peers. Hell, he knew that he was the least important person in the room. That’s what he meant; they were not all the same, because Jihoon still had a long ways to go.
Especially when compared to rock icon Young K, who is— gracefully— taking Jihoon’s awkwardness in stride.
“You’re holding up a lot better than me,” Younghyun muses. “At my first afterparty, I threw up on Rupam Islam.”
“No.”
“Yes, unfortunately. He was very nice about it, though.”
Jihoon lets out a stutter of a laugh. He’s never been a fan of small talk, but he clings to it now like a lifeline. “Does it get easier?” he asks.
Younghyun’s eyebrows raise. “Throwing up on rockstars?”
“No, no–”
“I was kidding,” Younghyun says in between chuckles. His expression is a little more pensive when he goes on, “I can’t say for sure that it gets easier, but you learn to deal with it.”
You learn to deal with it. Jihoon can almost laugh at just how accurate that is. It seems applicable to every aspect of his life— including missing you.
Jihoon winces. Younghyun notices.
The older man doesn’t comment on it, probably thinks it’s something else entirely. Younghyun doesn’t flinch away, either, when Jihoon nervously says, “Can I ask you another question?”
“Ask away,” says Younghyun. “I’ve got nothing better to do.”
What is Jihoon doing? He doesn’t know either, but it’s either this or fight off the urge to run through a pack of Marlboros. “How do you cope,” he starts slowly, “with… feelings?”
A beat. Crap. Jihoon realizes he definitely could have phrased that better, because Younghyun is now looking at him with an expression of mild confusion.
Jihoon backtracks. “You— we— go through a lot in this field of work. Like, a lot. And you— fuck, fine, I’m— grateful for it, really, I swear. But there’s just… so much other things, too, aside from the gratitude. How do you cope with those?”
Jihoon knows he probably looks and sounds like a trainwreck in his bid to be deliberately vague. By some miracle, Younghyun at least seems to understand what Jihoon is trying to say.
Younghyun’s lip quirks to one side as he thinks of his response. The silence stretches uncomfortably long, but then he gives an answer that’s the last thing Jihoon could have expected.
“I write,” Younghyun says.
Jihoon blinks once. Then twice.
“You write,” he repeats, and the former nods.
“It’s all in my discography. The anger, the heartbreak, the love.” Younghyun raises his shoulders in a shrug. “I’ve written nearly 200 songs, and all of them are just— that. Questions. Answers to questions. Feelings and stories.”
It’s so simple, so obvious. It’s like a glaring traffic sign, like something that every musician should know and do.
Put it in a song. Perform it for thousands and leave the muse none the wiser. Profit. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Jihoon had done it a fair amount of times, but never had he considered putting you to pen and paper. The prospect of it makes something in his chest thrum.
“I—” He clears his throat. “I think I have to go, sunbaenim. It was nice seeing you.”
A hint of humor glints in Younghyun’s eye, like he’s somewhat aware of the fact he’s witnessing something unravel. “‘Younghyun’ is fine,” he chirps. “And it was nice seeing you, too, Jihoon. Take care of yourself.”
The words— take care of yourself— are supposed to be a platitude. To Jihoon, it feels like a tall ask.
▸ I'M TOURING THE WORLD BUT I'M MISSING THE ONE WHO HELD IT DOWN.
Jihoon is exhausted.
As much as he wants to say that he’s never been this tired in his life, it’d probably be a lie. He’d make the claim, hit the road, then end up crashing out saying the same damn thing. He’s seen this film before; he knows how it ends.
He falls back on his hotel bed after his shower. A low groan escapes him, and he sends up a silent prayer to all the higher powers there are. Thank you for sheets with a 300-500 thread count. Thank you for air-conditioning. Thank you for warm showers and Listerine.
Despite his fatigue, Jihoon can’t just go to sleep. Post-show adrenaline always took a couple of hours to wear off.
He briefly contemplates his options. Write a lyric or two? Watch a shitty Netflix movie? Stare out the hotel window until his eyes can’t stay open anymore?
None of the above, it seems, as he reaches for his phone.
Jihoon has never been active on SNS; he just couldn’t bring himself to care about things like TikTok trends or Twitter ‘beef’. It’s a constant thorn in his PR team’s side. There is one thing that he bothers to check, though, and God forbid he deny himself the simple pleasure of some good ol’ fashioned pining.
He’s been on your Instagram page enough times that it’s the first thing that shows when he goes to the search bar. It’s the only thing that shows, really, which gives some pretty good sense of where his head is at.
Your profile loads. There’s no new post, no recent story. Jihoon is both disappointed and relieved.
No news is good news, he thinks to himself as he leisurely scrolls through the photos he’s already seen a dozen times before. You, feeding sidewalk cats. You, sipping tea at a cafe. You, in all the places that were once Jihoon’s, too. The beaches, the hiking trails, the restaurant in your shared neighborhood.
Jihoon opens that particular post. Even though he’s watched your life in squares for the better half of the past three years, this is the one photo that always has him feeling a pang of… something.
Because Jihoon can imagine it— being at that restaurant with you. The two of you had discovered it together, had pooled your measly school allowances to afford the bokguk and ganjang gejang.
He imagines being there with this older version of you, being the one snapping the picture that’d find a spot on your feed. He can see it so clearly in his mind’s eye that if he really, really tries, it begins to look more like a memory than a daydream.
But he’s not in Busan, not even in Korea. He’s in the United States instead, where he has ten stops before heading to Canada and Europe.
Sold-out stadiums. Thousands upon thousands of adoring fans.
All the food that he could possibly want, and yet it’s pufferfish soup and soy sauce crabs that he’s looking for.
Every person that he could possibly have, and yet. And yet.
Jihoon huffs out a frustrated exhale. He’s tired, which he swears makes him delusional.
He casts his phone aside, blissfully ignorant to the way his finger double taps his screen as he does.
Halfway across the world, your phone pings
woozi_universefactory ✓ liked your post.
▸ I'VE BEEN RUNNING BACKWARDS, RUNNING BACKWARDS LIKE A MARATHON.
The push notification glaring up at Jihoon looks a lot like a bomb that’s about to explode.
Jihoon feels like it’s a bomb, because he refuses to believe that after over a year of absolutely nothing, you’ve messaged first. You’ve messaged first.
He double, triple checks his calendar. It’s neither of your birthdays. It’s not a holiday, either. Is it Chuseok? No— that doesn’t make sense.
“For fuck’s sake,” he chides himself under his breath. It’s a text. Nothing more, nothing less.
Jihoon opens the notification.
And then his heart just.
Stops.
You’d sent two messages— the first, being the post that had him spiraling last night. It’s the proceeding message that has Jihoon hoping the ground will swallow him whole.
Stalking me, Jihoon-ah?
Holy shit.
Jihoon types out at least three different messages, from Are you a fly on my wall to Is there a new Instagram feature I don’t know about to What happened to “hello, how are you”?
In the end, he only sends back a single question mark. When he opens the offending post, he immediately sees his transgression.
Jihoon hadn’t liked the photo before last night. He didn’t like much posts to begin with. How— When—
His phone pings. He’s never been so thankful that he mostly opts to get room service for breakfast, because the squeak that he lets out is definitely not very rockstar-like. Jihoon fumbles, and he ends up opening your DM before he can psych himself up for it.
LOL. Playing dumb doesn’t suit you, you say.
Damn you and your ability to render him speechless. Jihoon wonders if he can get away with not responding, with getting back to you a couple of days later and blaming his work.
Except.
Jihoon’s fingers slowly move across his screen.
It was a good post, he says.
It was a post from a year ago, you answer.
So? He throws in an emoji of a man shrugging for good measure. Jihoon never uses emojis, but he can make some exceptions.
Your respond, So, stalking. You were stalking me.
Jihoon knows he’s digging a hole for himself, knows he’s going to stay up several nights thinking of just how stupid he is. If he were a stronger man, he’d pull the plug on this conversation and that’d be it. You wouldn’t bug him. He would maybe write a song about this moment. The world would go on.
But he can hear you.
In the messages, in the words on his screen. He can hear your voice, the way you’d smile or laugh or tease. How you’d say his name in that sing-song tone he once pretended to hate.
He hears you in your messages, and he’ll live with the secondhand shame if it means that he gets to keep on listening.
Not stalking, he shoots back. Just checking in.
Ah, you say. Because you missed me?~
Despite himself, he scoffs. You’ve always been so shameless. It didn’t matter to you that he was WOOZI the rockstar; to you, he would always be Jihoon who lived three houses down.
As if, he says to your teasing.
You don’t respond anymore. You don’t even read the message, because Jihoon doesn’t see the little ‘Seen’ under his last message.
He waits for it for a minute. Then five minutes. Then seven minutes. He stops checking at the thirteen-minute mark, because he likes to believe he’s no longer a high schooler with a raging crush on the girl next door.
He’s a grown man. He’s WOOZI, for Christ’s sake.
He can’t keep coming back to you.
▸ I GAVE YOU MY TIME WHEN I DIDN'T HAVE MUCH; ALL OF MY FEELINGS, SWEPT UNDER THE RUG.
Except he does.
WOOZI may not want to. WOOZI may be the bassist writing songs about the past in hopes of leaving things in the past, but Jihoon is a different story.
Jihoon texts you the moment he lands in Gimhae International Airport. Jihoon stands outside your front door— definitely jetlagged, probably in need of a shower— with his luggage in one hand and his phone in the other.
Jihoon acts like it’s the world’s biggest inconvenience when he tells you, “Come on, then.”
The two of you get the crabs and soup. He refuses to talk about his time away; he contents himself with listening, like he always does, and you fill the silence with babble. Your desk job, your parents’ nagging, your hobbies and side hustles.
“Probably not as interesting as your life,” you joke after a particularly long-winded anecdote about a delivery rider who got your address wrong.
Jihoon neither confirms nor denies the statement. He only raises one eyebrow and gives you a wordless gesture with his hand. Go on anyway, he’s saying, and you take the cue.
The meal ends. Jihoon invites you for coffee. Then ice cream. Then a walk.
“This is very suspicious.”
Jihoon can’t help it; a snort of laughter escapes him at your words. “Can’t a guy take a friend out to lunch?” he asks humorlessly.
“And dinner,” you note.
“And dinner, yes.”
“And dessert.”
“And dessert.”
The two of you are taking the long way home. There’s something to be said about how Jihoon drags his feet, about how you walk like you’re not on borrowed time. Even your conversation moves like you’re beating around the bush.
There is an elephant in the room and Jihoon is done pretending that it’s not there. That it hasn’t been there since the day you two met in primary school, since the first time he held your hand as a teenager, since he became a musician and every song he performed became about you.
Jihoon doesn’t know how many years of pining he has left in him.
“Are you dying?”
Your blasé question draws a bark of laughter from him. “Jesus, no,” he says. “Do I have to be dying to want to see you?”
You don’t answer right away. Jihoon once again has that feeling that he’s said something wrong, something loaded, but you save him from overthinking when you respond with, “You wanted to see me?”
There it is. That teasing tone, that hint of a smile.
You bump your shoulder against his. “You missed me, Jihoon-ah. Admit it.”
And Jihoon is done, Jihoon is tired, Jihoon is still yours after all this time.
“Yeah,” he finally, finally says. “I missed you.”
#jihoon x reader#woozi x reader#svt x reader#seventeen x reader#jihoon fic#woozi fic#svt fic#seventeen fic#jihoon imagines#woozi imagines#(💎) page: svt#(🥡) notebook
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As someone whose parents grew up and were politically active in GDR (German Democratic Republic, a socialist surveillance regime) and taught me most of these when I was a child, I'd like to add:
Be very, VERY careful what you post on social media, as every post contains information about you, even if it's something you don't think is important. They can and will collect every snippet and put them together like a puzzle, and you never know to what conclusions they might come
Don't discuss sensitive topics in front of children. No matter how often you tell them to keep quiet about it, they will probably mess up. Not because they're stupid or can't fathom the importance, but because they cannot recognise questioning techniques. Hell, even grown-ups can't, that's the whole point!
Build a public persona that isn't too far from the truth so you don't have to put in so much effort. This is a long game, and consistency is key. You have no strong preferences for the next four years. You become Norman McNormalpants.
Do not discuss politics. Ever.
If you know someone who is part of a resistance group, no, you don't. You haven't heard from them in months. Even if you're part of that group, too.
Nothing ever is free. If an app or service says it is, no, they're not. They're going to sell your data, and they don't care who is buying. Morality will always lose to the right leverage.
You have no idea how much data they can get about you. They can and will use anything they can find, from locating you via the pictures you take with your phone and uploading them to a cloud to what you bought on which day via payback cards and your Alexa shopping list
You have no idea how much and which information they already have about you, and you have no idea how much references to others they can find in your data.
You have no idea how they will get information about you. Everyone and everything could be a spy. Yes, even your granny, definitely your phone and Alexa, and I wouldn't trust the fridge or the roomba either.
Bravery and stupidity look very much the same, so don't do anything stupid. Taking risks will get you in trouble sooner rather than later. You're no use to any resistance or your family and friends when you're incarcerated or shot down. Small acts of kindness and defiance go a long way, but always calculate the risks first.
I know this sounds really paranoid, and maybe it is, and although I definitely don't want to scare anyone, those next four years might get tough. It's good to know a few things, and keep them in mind, when shit hits the fan. Do whatever you have to do to keep your loved ones and yourselves safe. Being considerate and careful is no cowardice.
reminders for today:
if you or someone you know might need it in the next few years, purchase plan b. the shelf life of plan b is 4 years, and we might not be able to access it as easily as we can now in the days ahead.
if you are larger/plus size: go online and purchase ella instead of plan b. plan b is less effective if you aren’t under 160 pounds.
if you can, purchase books that project 2025 is looking to ban.
mass deportations are starting. if you see ice vehicles or agents, yell ice raid and la migra as loud as you can.
if someone asks who you voted for, keep your mouth shut. they’re fishing for traitors.
if anyone, anyone at all asks about your neighbors or their legal status in the us, you know nothing. don’t be the reason that their family is separated.
if anyone asks about your religion or lack thereof, keep it vague. this administration will look for any excuse to persecute you.
your friends are trans or queer? for the next four years they’re not. don’t expose anyone’s status as a trans or queer person to anyone else, even if you think you can trust them.
did someone you know get an abortion? no, they didn’t. they were never pregnant.
in short, don’t be a snitch, and keep to yourself these next four years. we’ll make it through this even if it seems hopeless at times.
this is all i can think of at the moment, but i’ll be adding on to this as the day continues.
we can survive this. we’ve survived before, and we’ll survive again.
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You have to do it! Grocery shopping with Quinn! 🛒 ☺️
Because of those shopping gifs, huh? I know the ones!
"Ready, babe?" Quinn spoke louder than his usual, putting on his flat-billed hat in the mirror while he waited for you at the door. He had been ready to go for a few minutes but would never purposefully rush you, especially for something as mundane as grocery shopping. He really didn't want to go but the house was looking a little bare and the fridge was near depleted of anything fresh. It was simply time to go.
Quinn had told you that he was fine going solo but you had insisted on keeping him company, and didn't think it fair to make him go alone when you used equally as much of everything as he did, if not more especially when he was on the road.
"Yeah, I'm ready!" You said, hurrying from somewhere else in the apartment. You were still buttoning your coat when you got to his side.
"You look cute," he commented, wrapping his arms around you for a moment.
You smiled, "Thanks, babe! You don't look too bad yourself!"
Quinn would laugh and give you a quick kiss before opening the door for you. You had no idea where the two of you were headed, but anywhere with Quinn was a good place to be. Outside, it was much colder than it was normally due to the Artic blast moving through the region, and it made being outside quite uncomfortable. Thankfully, you wouldn't have too far to walk, in any of your errand stops, but when the air hurt to breathe -- it was never ideal.
"I don't think I've ever missed the rain so much in my life," you joked, climbing into the passenger seat.
"This isn't my favourite either," he replied clicking both seat warmers on as soon as the car was started. "Won't take long now. You know you can stay home, babe. No sense in you being cold if you don't have to."
"I know, but I don't want you to go alone!"
Quinn shook his head as he smiled, "Babe--"
"I know, I know, you don't mind," you mocked him playfully. "But I mind, so I'm going with you!"
"You're ridiculous," he laughed. "Alright, well, if you're sure. Off we go."
- - -
"I'm going to drop you at the door then I'll go find a parking spot," Quinn said, pulling into the lot. "And before you say anything, I want you to go inside and be warm."
Mustering the deepest pout you could, you looked at Quinn as the car came to a stop, but he wasn't having any part of it. "Quinn--"
"Babe, just trust me, please."
"Fiiiiiine," you whined, slipping out of the car and going into the store alone. You'd stay just inside the automatic doors and wait to see where he parked. Everyone and their mothers seemed to be out shopping today, forcing Quinn to have to park in the near back lot. He looked so miserable as he rushed toward the store, trying to duck down in to his coat as his hands were buried in his pockets. When the double doors opened, he'd make his way to you, his cheeks red from the harsh air.
"Brrr!" Quinn remarked, putting an arm around you. "It's cold in here, too!"
"Says the hockey player!"
He laughed, sheepishly, "It's not that cold on the ice like it is outside!"
"Fair enough," you teased. "Basket or cart?"
"Probably cart. Stock you up before I go out of town next week."
You looked down at being reminded that Quinn would soon be leaving for more games away from home. Your bed wouldn't be as warm, there would be no one to share a bath with before bed, no one to laugh with over dinner in the evenings, and the apartment would soon be deafly quiet. Being unable to keep your expression from dropping, you would turn your face away from him for a moment to keep from crying in public.
Quinn, always in tune with your usual moods would notice this change and would ask you about it after returning from getting you both a cart. "You got quiet, babe. What's wrong?"
"Nothing," you mumbled, picking up a random item to look at it as if you were interested in taking it home.
"I didn't think you liked peanut butter," he quipped, leaning over your shoulder at the package of fudge you were holding.
"I-- don't," you said, unable to lie, and putting it back on the display you had robbed it from. Your cover was blown before you could even get behind it. Damn Quinn for being so quick sometimes, though you knew he hated when you kept things from you, namely when things were bothering you.
"Did I say something?" Quinn questioned, his hand resting on your waist, hoping you'd look at him.
"No, baby, it's me being sad over you leaving," you finally confessed, only looking at him after you had spoken your truth. "I'm just-- being a baby."
"You're my baby," he would whisper in your ear, in the hopes that it might make you smile if only because of how cringe it had been. "I know you don't like when I leave, and trust me, I know how it feels."
Your eyes were beginning to sting, fighting against your emotions, "I know it's your job, Quinn. I'm not trying to be one of those girls who comes off all spoiled and selfish. I just-- I just miss you."
Quinn smiled, bringing his lips to your forehead while you still faced him. "I know you do, and I don't think you're being selfish. You understand that this is my life. No one says it's easy, sweetheart."
With a sigh you leaned into him, face buried in the curve of his neck. At the moment, you didn't care that you were in public, having an episode of emotional weakness. You were in Quinn's arms and safe, everyone else could kick rocks. They didn't need to understand.
"Do you want to go home, babe?" He asked, leaning his head against yours.
You wouldn't answer him, you'd just shake your head slightly.
"For what it's worth, I'm not gone yet," he said with a smile in his tone.
This would get you to pull your eyes back to his. He had a point, and one that you were thankful for.
"I sorry, Quinn," you apologized solemnly. "I shouldn't be that way."
He kissed you again, knowing it often fixed things when you were feeling down, but he felt that you were struggling. "You're perfectly fine. I should be more careful with my words."
"You don't need to do that. I'll be okay. Maybe one day it won't hurt as bad-- but...I dunno."
Frowning, Quinn would touch your cheek, but his hands were cold. You'd take it in both of yours and try your best to give him a smile. "I love you. Sorry you have to put up with me like this."
"I just hope I help instead of making you sad."
"You do, I promise."
On that positive note, the two of you would finally get back to the reason of why you were there in the first place. "Should we get to shopping?" He laughed.
"Probably!"
- - -
"Bread?" He asked, standing before a literal wall of options.
"Oh, yeah! Sourdough!"
"Which is--," he stammered, watching you pinpoint the loaf you were after before he could finish his question. "That-- was oddly impressive."
"I know my bread!"
"That you do," he laughed, as you placed in in the cart. "What else do you want?"
Looking at the contents of the cart, you wondered if there was anything else that you needed. There was meat, vegetables and fruit, there were even a couple bottles of wine, and nothing else was ringing in your brain that you needed to get. That would likely hit you only after you were home.
"I can't think of anything. Is there anything you want?"
Quinn looked just as lost as you did which is probably why he laughed at your question. "I can't think of anything either."
"Oh! I know!" You said, excitedly. "I've been craving breaded shrimp!"
"Really?"
"Yeah! Remember those sushi rolls I made with the fried shrimp, avocado and cucumber?"
His face lit up at the mention of sushi, "Those were so good! Are you saying we're having sushi for dinner?"
"Of course!"
- - -
"Here, take my card. I'm going to run out and get the car started and then I'll meet you out front and get them loaded, okay?"
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah," he said before placing another kiss your forehead. "Wait for me inside, please."
Not wanting to argue with him when he was being so kind and considerate, you nodded while he headed for the harsh world outside the store. It would take a while to get everything scanned and bagged, but eventually the time had come to brace for going back out into it.
Quinn was right where he said he would be, the silver SUV rolling into view when he saw you waiting there. He'd get out and insist on taking the cart while you got into the warmed interior of the car.
"I can help you," you begged, talking to him from the front seat.
"It's alright, babe, you just sit tight. I'm alright. Hockey player, remember?"
You'd roll your eyes at him while smiling. "I offered."
"I know you did, and I appreciate it."
Once everything was said and done, the heat was set on full as the two of you headed off from the grocery; safe and sound from the blistering wind battering the car.
"Anywhere else we need to go?" He asked, a cold hand finding your thigh.
"I just want to go home."
"Home it is."
#quinn hughes#quinn hughes imagine#quinn hughes one shot#quinn hughes x reader#quinn hughes fanfiction#quinn hughes fic#hockey imagine#hockey oneshot#hockey fic#hockey fanfiction
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Got hit by a Mecha AU Swerve angst idea in the middle of the night, and I had to put it down on a page. Based on the @keferon Mecha AU and inspired by all the amazing Swerve/Blurr art I see around (seriously, yall are giving me so many ideas and I love it).
More often than not, nowadays, Swerve feels like an imposter in his own frame. His time spent as a human was so short, just an insignificant speck compared to the eons of his real life, his real lifespan, and yet...
Those few scant human years are the realest he can remember feeling.
The medics said it took fifteen cycles for anyone to knock on his door, to even notice his absence. And when someone eventually did, it was just- his boss. One of the engines was giving them trouble, and they needed all servos on deck. That's all.
None of the bots who he talked to every day, the ones he’d worked side by side with for years noticed he was gone. None of the people who would laugh at his jokes and drink with him at the bar had a single thought to spare for him. Nobody missed him, until they needed him for something.
Glum thoughts in the dead of night are one thing. It’s another thing entirely to know, without a shadow of a doubt, that it’s all true.
So of course Swerve figured out the holoform thing again. Sure, it’s still kind of risky, but now that he’s actually doing it on purpose, he’s been taking a few precautions – a good recharge, a full fuel tank, and an automated message to be sent off to the medics after a set period of time, in case he knocks himself out again. Actually, he nearly managed just that, the first time he tried it, overtaxing himself almost to the point of shutdown. The keyword being nearly, though! It did little to weaken his resolve, and after a few more tries, he now has a whole system figured out, one that won’t damage his processor.
Or, it probably won’t, anyway. He’s not about to go ask; someone higher up might order him to stop, which-
Yeah, he’s not doing that.
On this ship, Swerve’s got nothing. He might as well be nothing - he’s a trained metallurgist working as a common mechanic, amongst people who barely even know he exists. On Earth, he’s- well. It’s not like he was exactly a social butterfly, but people invited him for shitty cafeteria coffee, a few pilots liked to stop by for a chat sometimes, and if he fell asleep at his desk, someone would come shake him awake within an hour or two.
On Earth, he has Blurr. And that’s not something he’s willing to give up.
Swerve shutters his optics in his tiny room on the ship, and surrenders gladly to the pulling sensation overtaking his processor as his holomatter generator struggles to cross such a vast distance. Then, with a crackle and a fizz of static across his neural net, he’s gone.
When he opens his eyes, it’s to the sight of Blurr’s expansive private hospital suite, with the man nowhere to be seen. He’s been hoping for that, though- as a general rule, he tries to catch the pilot between press conferences and physical therapy sessions, so nobody starts asking questions about the dead man loitering around a celebrity’s rooms. Blurr has enough problems as it is.
Luckily, he doesn’t have to wait for long. Soon enough, Swerve hears several pairs of footsteps approaching the door, and he ducks into the bedroom, keeping out of sight. “Again, thank you so much for the well-wishes,” carries through the walls, barely loud enough to be audible – Blurr’s voice, he thinks. The ‘business’ voice. “But I really have to go now. The doctor will be visiting soon, you understand.”
There are polite sounds of assent, an exchange of a few more pleasantries before the steps retreat back down the hallway, followed by the quiet whoosh of the front door opening. Cautiously, Swerve peeks out of the bedroom.
Blurr stands in the doorway, back straight, with a bright, practiced smile on the visible half of his face. The other, the one with scars and still healing skin grafts, is covered by an elaborate mask, shaped to look like his mech’s helm. He gives the people outside one final wave, and clicks the door shut.
Then he turns around, notices Swerve and slumps.
Now wobbling slightly, the injured pilot leans his back against a wall, gingerly peeling the mask off of his face to revealed reddened, irritated skin. The smile he turns on Swerve is completely different from before, small and tired and slightly pained.
To anyone else, it would look like an insult. To Swerve, it’s a precious thing, a gift the star shares with very few people in his life - honesty.
“Swerve, hello!” Blurr greets him, sounding slightly out of breath. He’s getting the best care money can buy, but even that only goes so far- recovery will slow and painful, and not everything will go back to how it was. There are some scars the pilot will carry for the rest of his life, and just the thought makes Swerve’s holographic heart ache.
“Hi,” he answers enthusiastically, crossing the room to go help the injured man, only to get waved off.
“Thanks, but I’m good. I need to build up my stamina again.”
Swerve frowns a little, but steps away again. “Alright, if you’re sure. Just be careful! You can lean on me if you need to, yeah? I don’t want you to hurt yourself, so if-“
“Swerve!”, Blurr laughs, interrupting his awkward rambling, and he can feel his holoform’s cheeks going red. “It’s fine, really. I’ll ask you if I need help, alright?”
“Alright,” he mutters into the collar of his shirt and follows after the man, ready to support him if he stumbles. Blurr leads them to his bedroom, laying down on the mattress with a pained grimace, once again waving off any of Swerve’s offers to help. Instead, the man pats one side of the bed in clear invitation, and Swerve does his best to pretend his face isn’t looking like an overripe tomato as he sits, their hands almost touching. Judging by Blurr’s teasing little grin, he fails miserably, but- it made Blurr smile. He’d say that more than makes up for it.
They talk, for as long as Swerve’s holoform generator allows and perhaps a little bit beyond that. He asks after Blurr’s recovery, listens to the pilot bemoan the weakness of his atrophied muscles and endless physical therapy sessions. Learns more about the constant press releases, the pressure from command to return back to duty and perform his star pilot act once again. They talk about anything and everything the man wants to share, from the important to the mundane.
In turn, Blurr asks him about his life, his day, his work on the ship. Which, here’s the thing- he didn’t really notice much it before his coma, but nobody else actually asks about him. Swerve talks a lot, and sometimes, other bots will even listen, but they never ask.
Except for Blurr. Blurr always asks now, and Swerve always talks and talks and talks, and the pilot never seems to mind. Sometimes, he wishes he knew how to express it, to show the man just how much it means to him, but- in a rare twist of events, the words never manage to leave his mouth.
Doesn’t make it any less true, though.
Every small, honest smile, every real, slightly ugly laugh he gets out of the man makes Swerve’s holographic heart beat overtime. He feels so happy, so at peace when by the man’s side, and he never wants to leave.
But he has to. Eventually, it’s always time to go, his systems warning him of impending shutdown and he hates it, he hates it so much, but he says his goodbyes. Blurr’s understanding about it, of course, and the pilot’s cheeky little wave is the last thing Swerve sees before he closes his eyes and disappears.
When he unshutters his optics, it’s to the sight of his empty, windowless habsuite. Getting up from his berth, he feels a fleeting stab of vertigo – some echo of his human self’s instinct, warning him of a dangerous height, which, huh. That’s been happening more and more often. Something to ask the medics about, perhaps.
Then again, why bother. It’s not like he doesn’t know what the answer would be.
He misses Blurr already. Misses the warmth of Earth’s sun and the warmth of companionship, the warmth of a soft human touch. Misses his false life and false body, and the very real joy it brings him.
Sometimes, he wishes he never woke up, instead living out his fake human existence in blissful ignorance until his spark eventually guttered from the strain. Occasionally, he wishes he was human. Actually human, not just the holoform- muscle and bone and sinew, just like the rest of them, just like Blurr. It’s clear he doesn’t belong amongst his own kind, so… maybe it’d be better that way.
Most of the time though, he just wants to be on Earth; true frame, fake body, it doesn’t matter. He wants to hold Blurr in his servos, wants to feel like he matters to somebody, wants to-
He’s not really sure what he wants, exactly. He just knows it’s not this.
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after the party - spencer reid x fem!reader
reader can't let go of her wedding day so spencer needs to give a reminder of what weddings are really about
genre: flangst wc: 823 warnings: wedding, post-wedding-depression, talk of honeymoon and kids, reassuring, very brief mention of the wedding night, pessimist!reader
Your wedding was everything. It was perfect despite your worries. Beforehand, you thought up all that could possibly go wrong but it turned out that the moment you saw him waiting at the end of the flower-covered aisle, nothing could ruin it. There was cake, food, photos, smiles, and laughter. When it came to your first dance as, officially, Mr. and Mrs. Reid, Spencer revealed that he'd been taking dance lessons without your knowledge. He said he didn't want to mar your perfect wedding with his two left feet and poor coordination. You thought the idea was preposterous.
The planner he was, David Rossi offered to hold the event at his mansion. Who were you to pass that up? It ended up being everything you've ever dreamed of—fairy-lit backyard, family, and the man you love. Not to mention the party.
Unfortunately, all good things must come to an end. While your wedding night was mind-blowing, you were upset to leave the day behind. Because you knew you'd revisit it forever.
And you already are.
Yes, you're now the wife of the most perfect man you've ever known but the best day of your life has also slipped away. Maybe that's dramatic and not at all what you should be focused on but you can't really help it, can you? Perhaps it's the petulant side of you. The side that yearns and holds on.
And maybe it's the metaphoric packing away of the memories that's contributing to this feeling. After all, you're quite literally picking up the night before and placing it in the garbage. Quite literally. Here you stand, in slippers and remnants of last night's makeup, picking bits of confetti and glitter off the ground. Leftover curls sit atop your head.
From behind you, familiar arms wrap around your waist. "You finished outside already?" you ask. Spencer shakes his head against your shoulder. "No, not yet. I just wanted to see you."
You smile, turning to face him, a hand coming up to hold his face. You remember yesterday, how he looked, smelled, admired you while—
"What's wrong?"
"What do you mean?" your brows furrow.
He hums thoughtfully. You wonder if you'll ever feel how you did last night again. "You seem... distant," Spencer acknowledges, eyes narrowed.
"Oh."
Kindly, his eyes search yours, looking for any explanation because all he really wants is for you to be happy. He mutters softly, head dipping closer to your level, "tell me what I can do."
What can he do? You mean, he's a profiler, he's not going to let this go. So, you should tell him, right?
"I'm just... upset that it's over, I guess. I'll never be a bride again," you admit gently, voice unsure.
Spencer nods with understanding. His hand runs up and down your arm. "You're right... you'll never be a bride again," a small smile appears on his lips, "but you'll always be my wife."
It's true and you know it. You'll be his forever and ever. He'll be yours. Though, there's still that feeling that your best has passed you by.
"I suppose that's true..."
A sigh leaves him before he inquires with a faint, cheeky smile, "is that really why we got married? To have a party?"
You frown, shaking your head adamantly. "No! Come on, you know what I mean."
"No, I don't," he quips with more confidence than you were expecting. "Because, yes, our wedding is over, but now we move on to the next part and then the next and then the next."
You playfully roll your eyes at the simplicity of his words. Since you, he's become better at looking at things more positively. Probably because you don't.
"Think about it," he whispers.
"Think about what?" you hum, now a small smile on your lips.
Spencer grins with you, bringing his hand to yours. "What comes next. Look forward to our honeymoon instead of thinking about what's passed."
"Okay, fine. I'm only agreeing because I'm excited to go to Paris, though," you giggle softly.
In an awful French accent, he responds almost dreamily, "ah, Paris."
Leaning down, he places an exaggerated kiss to your cheek before sighing, “then whatever comes after. House, kids.”
“Kids,” you murmur happily. You’ve spoken about this.
“Yes. Let’s focus on the next few things, okay?” he smiles sweetly.
You nod your head. Spencer’s ability to soothe every line between your brows never fails to baffle you. Somehow, he can simultaneously calm and excite you with everything he does. Perhaps it’s in his nature or maybe he just knows you all too well. You like to think it’s the second option.
When his lips come down on yours in a gesture of warmth, you breathe out through your nose, a smile creeping up onto your mouth. It’s quick, lasting only a few seconds.
“Better?” Spencer mutters.
Humming in affirmation, you nod. Your thumb brushes the scruff on his chin. “Better.”
tags: @angellic4l @sweetestthingonthissideofhell @floraisunwell @1mnshw @mggslover
#criminal minds#spencer reid#spencer reid x reader#spencer reid fanfiction#spencer reid fluff#spencer reid angst#spencer reid x you#spencer reid one shot#spencer reid imagine#spencer reid x self insert#spencer reid smut
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