#thinking about that ‘‘battle of five armies is rated R for Thorin fucked that hobbit’’ post rn

[coveredinsun]

at the first reclaimed-erebor press conference the reporter dwarves are like, “🎤 balin son of fundin can you deny or confirm the rumors about thorin oakenshield and bilbo baggins?” to which balin leans forward and says, “🎤 well. you know how unflattering it would be to speak ill of the dead. which won’t be a problem because it’s not speaking ill to let the record show that, yes, they did in fact fuck nasty a couple times. and you can quote me on that because i’m like 95% sure it’s what king thorin would want”