#thinking about how he set up pac and fit on their first little ‘date’ and volunteered to be their waiter and everything

[qnpc04]

i can’t wait for richarlyson to come back . he’s gonna see the mess that fitpac is and fix it in like 10 minutes with his yaoi cupid powers ... and then he’s going to turn around see whatever the hell 4halo got going on and kill himself .

[keirawantstocry]

sorry i feel so annoying sending more but i have so many THOUGHTS in my head it hurts

thoughts of tubbo being pissed at fitpac and cutting all contact with them and the entire island trying to get him to talk to them and fitpac gets so fed up with him talking to everyone but them and just corners him in his factory and asks him what on earth is going on!

sorry the thoughts are too much i have to write them

-🐚

don't apologize! and as for your last ask i don't think im going to do it just because it's too suggestive! <3

To say that Tubbo was pissed off would be the understatement of the year. He was so incredibly tired of feeling like he was being ignored and passed up for someone better. At first he had thought Fit and Pac dating would be fine. But now they were going on dates but themselves and it was so crystal fucking clear that they didn't need him anymore. They didn't want him. They had their little families. They had each other. And they were leaving him and Sunny all alone. 

He isolated. Who could blame him? And when time after time they didn't come after him, they let themselves be pushed away with no complaint, it confirmed Tubbo's suspicions. 

Annoyance was all he could muster up when the banging came at the door. 

“Whaddya want?” he called, in an already ticked off voice while not moving an inch away from the desk he was sat at. 

The pounding at the door didn't stop. 

Tubbo leaned back in his seat and groaned, setting down the new toy he was tinkering with to surprise Sunny. He had been trying to figure out how to get a sound piece in it for days so he could gather the recordings he had of her singing to place it in. A perfect picture of her bright future. 

He pushed back from the desk, slamming the doll down in frustration. “What do you WANT?” he yelled. 

“Open the damn door!!” came the response back and Tubbo nearly groaned at the familiarity of that voice. Fit. 

He stood, anger already pulsing through his veins, thick as his own blood. Click went the lock of the door before he flung it open. 

To his surprise and annoyance, both Fit and Pac were there. 

“What. Do. You. Want.” 

Fit ground his teeth together visibly while Pac's eyebrows dipped down in concern. “We want to fucking talk to you man. You've been avoiding us for weeks. We're fucking worried!” 

Tubbo scoffed. “You're fucking joking right?” 

Fit looked down right exasperated. “Joking? Dude. You've been ghosting us for months.” 

“Fitch,” Pac said, interrupting him with a hand to his arm. “How about we all calma and sit down. Try and think reasonably, yeah?” 

Tubbo huffed. He didn't want to agree. Nothing in him wanted to agree but Pac's voice was so soft and endearing and he just wanted to melt into it. ‘NO' his mind screamed. “Okay,” he said. 

They sat on the floor. It felt right considering how much time they had spent stretched out on top of each other on the factory floor all those months ago. But those memories hurt. 

“Tubbo,” Pac said in the soft curled voice of his. 

“What,” Tubbo said, hating how his voice broke on the singular word. 

“Talk to us. Please? Don't leave us out of what you're going through.” 

Tubbo pursed his lips tightly, trying to hold back the tears threatening to escape. “Nothing's happening. I'm not going through anything.” 

To his surprise, Fit was the one to reach his hand over and thread their fingers together. “Tubbo, please. We don't want to lose you.” 

Tubbo looked up and let his eyes meet Fit's hazel ones. He looked… genuinely concerned. “But,” Tubbo said slowly and hesitantly. “You guys don't need me anymore. You have each other.” 

Both of their faces dropped. “What are you talking about?” Fit asked. “We needed you then and we need you now. We aren't morning crew without you. It would be what? Morning two? That's dumb as shit.” 

Tubbo couldn't help but laugh a bit. “Morning Two does sound like shit.” 

“Exactly,” Fit agreed. “And in the same… sense I guess. Us without you is shit.” 

“That's a stupid analogy,” Tubbo muttered but he felt warm. Probably just the heat of the day. Not because it made him feel cared for. 

“But it's true,” Pac chimed in. “We aren't morning crew without you. We aren't us without you.” 

“But I have to ask,” Fit said hesitantly. “What about Fred?” 

“What about him?” 

“I thought he was your boyfriend. Hasn't he been around here taking care of you?” 

Tubbo laughed humorlessly. “Nah. We went on one date. It was fun, sure but it didn't mean anything.” 

Fit squeezed his hand and it was slightly sweaty and normally it would disgust Tubbo but now it was just an honest admittance that he wanted to be here, holding Tubbo's hand. “I'm sorry.” 

Tubbo shrugged. “It's fine.” 

“It's not,” Pac said. “But we can't help you if you don't let us in. Don't lock us out. We want to be here for you. Anytime that you need us.” 

Tubbo squeezed Fit's hand harder in his own before reaching out to grab Pac's with his other hand. “Okay.” 

Pac smiled at him. “Thank you.” 

“Can we get out of this hell hole now?” Fit said, patting his own knee and trying to stand but Tubbo kept his grip strong on their interlocked hands. 

“Hey! What the fuck are you calling a hell hole? I have excellent fucking taste in,” he spluttered. “D-design!” 

Pac laughed while Fit shot him an unbelieving look. “Yeah. Okay. And that's why Sunny asks us to come over and decorate.” 

Tubbo gasped. “That backstabber!! Betrayed by my own offspring.” 

“She's not your offspring,” Fit protested. 

Tubbo dropped his hand and shot him the nastiest look he could muster. “Yes, they are. I gave birth to her.” 

“Okay, okay,” Fit surrendered, not being able to stop himself from laughing. “You gave birth to her.” 

“Well no shit,” Tubbo huffed but there was no réal heat to his voice. They had come after him. Nearly broken down his door to get to him. So maybe. Just maybe. They really did care. 

[hepbaestus]

✨My fics - a masterlist✨

Here's where all my fics go in order of publishing with a little detail about each fic, the blurb and accompanying credited fanart.

Hep's Hideduo Stardew Valley AU Masterlist

Hideduo Kiss Week Event Masterlist

Hep's Familial Souls AU Masterlist

don't just count your years make them count (nenê feliz aniversário!!!) - 09/03/23

4.5k words|family fluff|no TW's apply|tumblr link|

A parent struggling to find a gift for his son, only to be saved by his son's chosen sister. The eldest children's birthday party happens and Pac didn't think that Ramón could get any cuter. How wrong he was. A story of how family helps one another and can look like something that you never thought you could have.

Accompanying fan art by Shen ❤️

What a Monster he'd become - 12/03/24

1.1k words|angst with a hopeful ending|TW's do apply|tumblr link|

TW: cannibalism

Vacuus Island, an abandoned Federation Island. Fit's left in the ravine by Madagio with the rotting corpses of the workers that had worked here previously. Fit doesn't have a fun time down there, resorting to things that he hoped Pac wouldn't hold against him when. If he returned.

to be loved is to be changed - 25/03/24

2.1k words|family fluff|no TW's apply|tumblr link|

Based off a prompt by Pen

As you love, you change too. Ramón goes through that process of changing because of the love he's received since Pac became his Pai, so much so that his physical appearance is altered by it. This is Fit and Pac's reactions to that.

Accompanying fan art by Mooney 🩶 and mini-comic by Shen ❤️

love is the longing for the half of ourselves that we have lost - 30/03/24

2.6k words|angst with a happy ending|TW's apply|tumblr link|

TW: mild blood

Fit goes missing after having completed Madagio's mission, and with the children all put into a medicated sleep, Pac has no one. It isn't until he realises that Fit's been gone for too long that he begins to truly panic and sets out on a search for the Dread Bow. On the search for the underground cabins, he sees a burst of light and thinks it's Fit. It isn't him. It would never be Fit. Until it is.

count your age by friends, not years. count your life by smiles, not tears - 03/04/24

2.4k words|sad with happy ending|TW's apply|tumblr link|

TW: Blood and injury

It's Ramón's first birthday and his dad isn't there but Pac is.

You can't recover memories of a missing event - 21/04/24

0.4k words|hurt/no comfort|no TW's apply|tumblr link|

Based off this series of posts

Without realising, Pac's missed a lot of events in his boyfriend and kid's lives. Their first birthdays, his second date with Fit, seeing Fit's face as he realises that Richarlyson called him dad. This is him having that realisation.

I was performing my ritual of sipping tea, shooting flirtatious glances and planning murder - 21/05/24

2.3k words|purgatory angst with sad ending|TW's apply|tumblr link|

TW: Blood and Violence,Body Horror,Character Death

Fit had not been able to think of anything else other than Pac's betrayal two days prior. This is his revenge. Exactly what he thinks Pac deserves.

Waking Up - 25/05/24

0.9k words|it was all a dream au|TW's apply|tumblr link|

TW: Mentioned character death, off-hand mention of starvation

It was a normal day on the island, Fit was with his family.

Until he wasn't. Until it wasn't.

Fireflies (The day is over. It's time for rest. Sleep well, my dear. You did your best). - 02/07/24

1.7k words|family fluff stargazing|no TW's apply|tumblr link

Rosa's first night in the family and it doesn't quite go to plan at first but with the stars in the sky and family surrounding her, all will be well.

What was I made for? - 08/07/24

2.8k words| sad ending| TW's apply|tumblr link

TW: Experimentation on children

He could never escape the sterile quartz that the Federation used in every building. It would haunt his nightmares, both waking and not. A deeper look into Ramón's first and last day on Quesadilla Island, from his perspective.

[qmorningcrew]

dump all your ideas abt ur summer camp au i want to hear it

ahhhhhh first of all anon ily <333

here’s my ideas for the summer camp au so far :)

- it’s called quesadilla summer camp (im so creative lmao)

- the camp was created on an experiment. if it went well, they would implement the plans on a larger scale. (what’s the experiment? it’s assumed it has something to do with crossing the language barriers but no one actually specifies)

- all participants get college scholarships

- but the whole thing is really badly executed? like it just does not have the set up or functionality of a normal summer camp

- there’s just very little supervision or guidance

- the camp is run by some version of the duck, and they’re very uninvolved which leads cucurucho and zero to just Not Care.

- counselors are rubius, cucurucho, and the code entity

- the code entity goes by zero

- zero really doesn’t talk but they all learn pretty easy it’s how fucking awful of an idea it is to piss them off

- cucurucho and zero are they/it besties

- rubius is the same age/around the same age as the campers, cucurucho and zero are older

- sometimes one the campers walks into their cabin and sees an entirely new person in their cabin, which is normal. they switch cabins constantly

- the first week people just keep. randomly wandering off. “where’s wilbur?” two hours later wilbur walks out of the woods with a rock. (not even like a cool rock. it’s just a normal fucking rock)

- phil’s the mom friend. but he’s still a disaster. he’s just the only one with any shred of responsibility. he’s also just got an aura of trustworthiness that makes everyone trust him with their problems

- fit is just. so chill

- he also just? always has what you need? “yeah sorry it’s a bit hot in here, a screw that seemed important fell out of the fan earlier so we haven’t turned it on yet” “oh! i think it’s in here- nope screwdriver’s in the left pocket, where did you say the screw was?”

- dan just kinda disappears for a bit? cucurucho tells the campers he went on vacation but they don’t entirely believe them. dan comes back a little different.

- spreen is always either starting chaos or nowhere to be found

- quackity manages to keep putting himself in the middle of like every problem whether he’s involved or not

- however charlie pretty much is always involved

- luzu is had DID and arin is an alter

- luzu does know about arin but he was just diagnosed and is still figuring it all out

- roier flirts with everyone (except jaiden, he respects her boundaries)

- wilbur brought his guitar with him and sings at the campfire some nights

- charlie only joins in on the meme songs

- jaiden finds the most. random shit. “hey guys i found $20 stuck to the bottom of the picnic table with a piece of gum” “oh dude look! a patch of four leaf clovers!” “woah look at this cool bottle cap i just found!”

- maximus is a conspiracy theorist but in like a, hey this actually genuinely makes sense kind of way

- bad is terrified of spiders

- he saw one in the bathroom of his cabin and was completely moved in to a different cabin within seven minutes

- roier finds this hilarious

- foolish and vegetta are dating. no one knows how they got together or when they got together. if you ask either of them, you’ll get two completely different answers

- the brazilians join two-ish weeks in

- they all arrive together in a bus together and have already formed a Friendship on the journey there

- the bus was almost set ablaze 4-6 separate times (depends on your definition on separate)

- there is an extremely done cucurucho driving the bus

- forever sees phil and immediately turns to tell felps how that is the man of his dreams

- mike and pac are inseparable. they’re just kind of always within the vicinity of each other.

- cellbit, bad, foolish, and maximus attempt to take over the camp together. it doesn’t go as planned.

[miyalove]

Um... Hi. 👉👈 I saw that your requests were open. Could you write a mutual pining, friends to lovers scenario with Kunimi x fem!reader during high school? Where he casually confesses to her like it's no big deal and this catches the reader off guard? Thanks! (You can also change this as you see fit. I mostly just want a cute Kunimi x fem!reader scenario. lol)

—pairing: kunimi x fem!reader

—warnings: none just fluff!!, unedited*

—synopsis: 1.3k | public settings really isn’t his thing, but for you anything goes, he supposes.

—a/n: thank you for requesting, hun ✨ idk if i was rlly on the dot with his character but i tried my best!! i hope you enjoy :) + request are still open

despite being a close friends to kunimi, he will always be a puzzle to figure out.

he doesn’t like loud characters, yet you’ve witnessed many instances where he’d get a little too cheery with the 3rd years.

often times he opts to cheating off of your homework, but he gets flying colors when it comes to test. 

he’s lazy and skips practices as much as he can, but when he does decide to come, you can see all the effort he puts into the sport. it’s a complete 180 from the lazy, careless kunimi you’re used to.

and by far, the most baffling off all, kunimi isn’t one for attention. he hates large crowds and how close strangers stand next to him. there’s no room to move, and no clean air to breath.

if he had the choice of staying in his room for the rest of his life or making awkward eye contact with strangers from across the floor, the former sounds like a dream come true. 

to say the least, your beloved best friend is an introvert that enjoys the bliss of sweet silence more than anything.

and yet the most confusing thing is, here he was in the one place he loathes the most and for what? he sighs, stealing a slight glance to his side. there you are babbling about something, what exactly? he doesn’t know. 

but he does know that the shirt your wearing makes your eyes pop and how your smile looks extra bright today. will he ever admit that he’s here purely because he likes spending time with you no matter what you end up doing? no, of course not but he’s here for you and that’s all that matters.

“woah, akira! let’s try this one next!” you’re practically bouncing off the wall as you point at a game far in the distance, one that the taller boy cannot see. he tries to follow your finger but alas, the crowd is too thick. 

the sudden sound of space invaders blasting right next to him makes him flinch. how annoying, he thinks. there’s a scowl resting on his face, an expression he only makes when he’s deeply bothered by something as he eyes the kid that just slammed down the start button.

there’s just too many people here. he could be in his bed right now, sleeping at least and yet he’s here at an arcade that smells like moldy pizza and sweat. it’s then he reminds himself of your presence. too busy sinking into his own bitter thoughts, he had completely forgotten that he was here on a “date”.

ha a “date”, he finds himself rolling his eyes against his will, i wish.

he shakes his head, trying to fight off the hot feeling in his cheeks. his round eyes scan the crowd looking for one person in particular. it shouldn’t be this hard to find the girl he’s been crushing on since middle school but for some reason, you’re nowhere to be seen.

this is his cue to stare moving. he doesn’t make an effort to call your name out, simply just maneuvering between nooks of the crowd and looking around. by now, his face is back to normal. no longer is there a scowl etched into his lips.

instead, he wears is usual monotone expression but you know better. behind that stale look lies an emotion that is only reserved for you; concern. you can proudly say that you broke his hard shell after many, many years of kissing up to him in middle school. 

at first, he was annoyed but your persistence worked out and now the two of you are practically glued by the hip. a friendship in which kunimi doesn’t feel pressured to entertain you and you don’t feel like you’re wasting his energy. it was a win-win.

“where is this damn girl,” he mumbles to himself. worried eyes now looking a little more frantic than usual. he fingers at the loose threads on his sweatshirt, a nervous habit you pointed out to him. he can’t help it really, how he feels. 

you’re his anchor especially when it comes to public settings like this. he can feel himself caving in with every second that passes, he just wishes you’ll be in the next corner he sees.

and like an angel coming to save him in the mist of chaos, “akira!” he swiftly turns to follow your velvety call. you’re not too far behind him, once he sees your smiling figure, the tension in his shoulders ease.

you were lost without any doubt. your heart sputtered in your chest at the thought of kunimi looking for you. you know he can hold his own, but you felt bad for suddenly ditching him. 

this was your idea to begin with, going to an arcade together. so the deep gutting feeling in your chest makes sense. anxiously, you call out to him.

“akira, where are you?” a few heads turn your way as you shout but honestly, you don’t care. you’d gladly make a fool of yourself if it meant finding him.

rounding a corner, you give it one more go, “akira!” a familiar dark brown mop of hair turns, and the feeling in your chest weighs heavier. your eyes are meet with kunimi’s dark ones from across the room. you notice his tense stance even with the distance between the two of you, it makes you feel worse. 

as he makes his way towards you, his lean figure glides through the crowd but his eyes never waiver from yours. the intensity is felt from across the room and you don’t know why but you can’t break your stare even if your try. 

“don’t run off like that,” there’s a harshness to his words and you can’t help but pout. he furrows his brow when he doesn’t get a response, “hello? earth to (y/n)?”

“sorry, akira. i didn’t mean to run off like that,” you play with your fingers not daring to look up. you’re blushing, he could probably see the pink stain on your cheeks from miles away. he notices your sudden avoidance and can’t help the feeling he gets in his chest.

cute, he thinks. 

“just don’t do it next time,” he lectures. and he can’t believe how bold he’s being right now. 

“next time? why are you making this sound like a date?” and just like that, you’re back to usual. he would be lying if he said he didn’t like how energetic and teasing you were. on anyone else, he’d hate it, but with you... it just works. maybe it’s because you know when you’re overdoing it... or maybe it’s simply because it’s just you.

he’s not thinking when the next words came out of his mouth, “cause maybe it is.” 

despite the echoing noise of pac man in the corner and the overwhelming boom of the crowd, all he hears is your silence. he’s staring directly at you, not bothering to look away because if he was going to get rejected, at least he can say that he had enough courage to at least confess.

you don’t know what to say. a million thoughts all come flying through your head, what does he mean date? like a date-date? or like a friend date? what if he’s just messing around with you? what if—

“i can practically hear the gears turning in your head, (y/n),” you look up at him, there’s a shake in his voice that you takes you by surprise. “if you don’t like me, just let it out. don’t leave me in the dark like that.” 

he speaks so nonchalantly, as if he didn’t just confess his feelings for you. as if rejection didn’t mean messing up years and years of friendship. he waves off your silence allowing the rhythmic music from a near by game to take over the tension.

you tune out the noise. mostly just staring at his round face, then his arms that despite being covered you just know look good, and then his slender hands. your eyes widen, he’s picking at the threads of his hoodie... a timid smile grows on your face, he’s nervous. 

and just like that you know what you have to say.

“i like you too.”

silence. now you know how he felt just seconds prior. for a split second, his eyes grow wide but as fast as the shock comes, it gone nearly just as quick. he still isn’t saying anything though.

“and i wouldn’t mind a ‘next time’ either,” feeling bold, you grab at his slender fingers. feeling the callousness from volleyball practice, you smile up at him. he can’t help but tighten his grip on your smaller hand.

the weight of his feelings finally getting released is euphoric and though it is rare, he smiles at your smaller figure. nothing too big, but you don’t mind. you know akira better than anyone else. behind that small smile, lies another emotion only reserved for you; adoration.

[misplacedxeggos]

Masterpiece

request: omg i loved warmth so much it was so good! can i have a pt. 2 maybe? i'd more besties and lovers moments of y/n and stanley

A/N: clearly this is a part two to my recent Stanley fic titled ‘Warmth’ so if you haven’t read that pls read it first

words: 1k

————————

The blazing hot sun beat down on you in Stan’s jersey as you sat on the bleachers waiting for him to be done with his baseball practice. You were taking in his features as he stood on the pitching mound reeling up for his next throw.

You couldn’t believe how long it took you to truly confess your feelings for one another. You catch yourself looking back on how obvious you two had been with each other regularly. Catching him staring at you in math class, always gravitating towards one another during social settings, and how he would remember the little things.

He always had a hair tie around his wrist for you, especially if you were going to the quarry since you like having your hair out of your face. He remembered that you still didn't like to order your own food, even though you seemed like an outgoing person.

The coach's piercing whistle dragged you from your thoughts of Stanley. You began to pack up your homework that you were supposed to be working on and headed down the bleachers. When you got closer, you heard Bill talking to Stan, asking if he wanted a ride to the arcade to hang out with the losers.

“That’s alright. I’ll drive me and my girl.”

My girl.

You would never get used to hearing him say that. It felt like just yesterday you were setting each other up with completely different people. You laughed at the idea of that now, knowing that you loved him with all your heart.

Woah, you love him.

Of course, deep down you had thought of that before, but at this moment, you couldn’t focus on anything else. You turned your head to watch Stanley lead you to his car. He looked like a masterpiece.

Your masterpiece.

He opened the door for you and went around to the driver’s side. He turned the radio on to a soft level and looked over at you.

“Hey, are you okay?” Stan’s eyebrows furrowed in worry that you hadn’t said anything yet.

“Yeah, I guess I’m just lost in my thoughts.” You gave him a reassuring smile as he went on to talk about plans for the weekend.

Five minutes passed, and you had pulled into an empty parking spot at the arcade in front of Richie smoking a cigarette.

“Fucking finally. Thought you two would never stop sucking face to join us.” Richie teased as he stomped his cigarette into the cement. You laughed sarcastically at his comment while you bumped shoulders walking into the building.

The whole night you sat in your thoughts, wondering if Stan loved you back. Surely he didn’t as you had only been dating for three months, but you had known him for four years. Stan noticed you stare blankly as Bev played Pac-Man in front of you.

He walked over and bent down to whisper in your ear. “Come on, let’s get out of here.” He grabbed your hand after you nodded and told everybody that since it was getting late, he would be taking you home. You got into his truck, and he started on a scenic route.

“Stan, this isn’t the way to my house.” You laughed at him.

“Yeah, but this place is better. I know there’s something on your mind, so I’m taking you stargazing.” Stanley lightly smiled as he continued driving.

You ended up in the middle of a field while the sky was pitch black. Stan opened the back door to his truck and got out a blanket.

“And you said it was stupid to have an emergency picnic blanket laying around.” Stanley tsked and shook his head at your words from a year ago.

“I stand corrected.” You put your hands up in mock surrender.

Your hand fit perfectly with his as you walked further into the field to find a good spot. After a little bit, Stanley decided that this was as dry of grass there was and plopped the blanket down. He laid down on his back and made grabby hands in your direction.

You delicately rolled your eyes at his antics and laid your head in the crook of his neck, focusing on his breathing and heart rate. His hand came up to play with yours that laid on his chest.

“Hmm, what are you thinking about?” You casually asked as if his heart rate didn’t speed up while doing a simple gesture.

“You.” He easily remarked as he looked down to admire you in all your beauty.

And it was as simple as that. You knew that he loved you back with all his heart and that it would stay that way.

You knew that on your first day at a new school when you stumbled into biology class freshman year late, and the teacher told you off in front of the class, that it was worth it. You knew that you could’ve sat next to anyone there, but you sat next to a random blond curly-haired boy that’s presence blossomed into a friendship then a relationship.

Stanley pulled you up from where you were laying down and wrapped his arms around your waist. Like you had done millions of times before, you snaked your arms over his shoulders and ran your fingers to the nape of his neck.

“What are you doing?” You questioned the boy in front of you.

“Dancing, come on.” Stanley started to sway you in his arms gently.

He twirled you around and badly swayed to a weird melody that played in his head. He dramatically dipped you and made you laugh when he almost dropped you. You playfully hit his shoulder in retaliation and rested your head on his chest.

You were content in his arms.

“I love you,” Stanley mumbled against your hair as he pressed a soft kiss to the top of your head.

A small smile etched its way onto your face at his confession.

“I love you too.”

————————

taglist: @fiantomartell

[chuckbass-love]

Why Him? | Ransom Drysdale | Part 6

A/N : Thank you so much guys for the likes on the previous parts to this fic. I hope you like this part. Some really good parts coming up too. If I haven’t already said, this is set years before the events of Knives Out. 

Disclaimer: My work is not to be posted anywhere else other than my Tumblr, Wattpad and Ao3. However, reblogs are welcome.

Why Him? MASTERLIST

Warnings : SMUT

Claudia’s POV

My eyes open and i groan at the loud sound of my alarm, reaching my hand out to turn it off. “Good morning doll” he’s still here. “Good morning” i smile to myself, rubbing my eyes. “So daddy huh? didn’t take you as a girl with a daddy kink” oh shit. I avoid making eye contact with him as i get off the bed and walk round the room, butt naked. I stand near his side of the bed and he pulls me down, making me squeal. “It just came out” i try to lie to avoid more embarrassment “Now now doll, no need to lie” he smirks, the amusement he has of knowing something about me. “I have to pack and you’re distracting me” i state, trying to worm my way out of his grasp but failing. “You know, that’s no way to talk to daddy” my heart skips a beat. He likes it. My mind starts racing back to the steamy events of last night. Still sore from how rough he is. I stand up and walk slow to the bathroom. I look into the bathroom mirror and immediately notice the hickey on my neck. He didn’t hold back. I turn the shower on and get in when it’s the perfect temperature. I can’t believe what happened last night. I can’t believe i slept with him.

Ransom’s POV

I can’t believe it. Everything is going so well with her. It’s like it just comes so easy to both of us and i feel so comfortable around her. If things stay this good between us then i fear it will head towards me introducing my family to her and to be quite frank, i don’t think either of us are ready for that. I don’t want to scare her away. It’s not my parents or grandad it’s Meg, Joni and Walt. They hate me, always have done and always will. My thoughts are interrupted by the sound of the shower turning on, my head filled with so many ideas. Time for a little fun. I stand up, still naked from last night’s antics. I walk into the bathroom to see her washing her hair. Not for long. 

I step in, making her jump when she opens her eyes. “So beautiful doll” she bites her lips as she continues with what she’s doing. I trail my fingers all over her body, she’s trying to hold back a smile “Stop” she giggles, pushing me away slightly. I reach my hand down, brushing my fingers across her exposed sex, she flinches the sudden touch “Ransom” she moans out. “You like it when daddy touches you like that doll?” i mumble into her ear, she rests her head forward on my shoulders as i continue to rub figure eights on her clit “Ugh fuck” she throws her head back, letting the water fall on her face and neck. “I need to pac- SHIT” i insert two fingers inside of her without warning. “That’s it, cum on daddy’s fingers” i grip her face with force, making her look at me as i pleasure her.

I pull my fingers out, seeing the mess she made on them and i bring them up to my mouth, licking them clean. She whimpers at the sight before turning the shower off and shoving past me to get out. Wrapping the towel around her body and walking into the other room. I follow her, still naked. She starts getting ready. She knows exactly what she’s doing to me. She slips on sweatpants and a baggy top. Towel drying her hair too. “Sit down” she demands, looking back at me. 

I take a seat on the edge of the bed and she makes her way in between my legs, lowering herself down to her knees. She starts jerking my dick as she locks her eyes onto mine. She drives me crazy. I watch as she starts licking the tip, ridding me of the pre cum. One hand jerking me as she starts to take me into her mouth and the other playing with my balls. I throw my head back, the pleasure is insane. “Look at me daddy” this woman. She takes me to the back of her throat, bottoming me out and gagging a little. “You take me so well” she looks up again, making sure to give me direct eye contact as she takes all of me. “Fuck doll, don’t stop” i groan, gripping her hair in my hands. “Look at me when you cum daddy” she mumbles, her mouth still full. “I’m cumming” and just like that, i reach my peak. Filling her mouth up. I look at her in pure amazement as she swallows all of me. 

She stands up and continues to pack, acting like that was nothing. Now is probably time to get dressed myself. “So will i be seeing you again when we get back to Boston?” i ask, nervously. My insecurities creeping out. “What makes you think that you won’t?” she glances at me “I just wasn’t sure if we were on the same page” i explain “And what page is that?” her face now just inches from mine as i’m on the bed. “The dating kind” i state. She kisses me “I guess we are”.

*LATER THAT DAY*

Claudia’s POV

It feels so good to be home, i step foot out of my shower and into my bedroom to get into my pyjamas. I always shower after a flight. I wonder into my bathroom to turn the light off when i finish changing. I hear my phone ringing from the bed. I walk over to see it’s a FaceTime call from James. “Sup bitch” i greet as his face appears on the screen “How was New York? we’ve not spoken since before you left” i flop onto my bed and let out a breath of relief, that i’m back in my own bed tonight. 

“It was so good, okay i met Anna fucking Wintour” he’s gay and has always idolised her. “YOU DID NOT” he squeals making me almost fall off my bed from laughing. “She’s a darling, i can’t even believe it. I worked with Amy Astley mostly and Anna helped out when needed but yeah i did so much, dressed and styled models. The best experience ever” his eyes grow wide, smiling from ear to ear. “What’s new with you?” i ask as i head downstairs to make myself a hot drink, resting my phone on the stand. 

“Well, Luke is seeing someone, he’ll tell you all the details eventually. He met her at the bar the other day. Darcy is well Darcy and Me well my life is boring and you met Anna Wintour” i throw my head back in fits of giggles at his annoyed state. “I’m sorry okay, Sure there’s no gossip?” i pout, i was hoping for a good old bitch fest with my best friend. He shakes his head, trying to think. 

“Oh, i didn’t mention Britney. Jake cheated and you’ll never guess who with” i start pouring the hot water into my mug “Wai-” the door-bell goes. “Who’s at my door this late” i wonder, James raises his eyebrows “A booty call perhaps?” i give him the ‘yeah right” look. Waiting for the right time timing to tell him and the others about Ransom. I head to the door, opening it and looking around. No one is here. I then look down to see a large bouquet of roses. Wonder who these are from.

I take them into the kitchen, flashing them towards the camera for James to see. “Who sent you roses?” i furrow my brows, pulling the note from the side of the bouquet. It reads :

‘Claudia,

I’ve had the greatest time with you the past few days

I’d love to continue getting to know you more

Meet me at 1387 Chow-Stone Road tomorrow

5:00pm

Wear something fancy doll

Lots of love

Ransom x’

I cover my face with my hands instantly. This man is something else. I don’t realise i’m in my own world until i hear James talking. “So who are they from?” he asks, once again being that i ignored him the first time. “So i met a guy” he grins, squealing so loud, i swear one day i’m gonna lose my hearing. “Tell me about him” my cheeks heat up like crazy as my mind flashes through all the times i’ve had with Ransom so far, leading me to fill James in about it all.

“YOU HAD SEX?” he shouts, i give him the shush signal but he doesn’t listen. “My neighbours will hear at this rate but yes to answer your question. We had sex and let me tell you. I’ve never had an experience like that before” i take a sip of my tea. My mind yet again racing through the events of last night and this morning. “He is the biggest i’ve ever had and the tongue skills” James widens his eyes “Oh dayum, You have to rub it in don’t you? Not all of us are getting laid here” my cheesy grin coming out to play. “It says to wear something fancy. James you have to help me” instant panic shoots over me. I grab my phone and head up to my closet. 

“Okay, do i go with the red or the blue” i hold up two dresses, the same but just in different colours. “The red one all the way” i agree as i hang it up, ready for tomorrow. “Wear red lacy underwear too and black heels” perks of having a gay best friend. He’s got the best advice, fashion and relationship wise. We end the call eventually as the sudden wave of tiredness flies over me. My bed is calling. 

*THE NEXT DAY*

4:00pm rolls around and i’ve just showered, done my makeup and styled my hair. Now time for the finishing touches. The dress and shoes. I zip it up and walk to my bed, sitting on the edge to put my heels on. I never dress up like this but i can’t say i don’t enjoy it. Aside from the heels that is. I lock up and make my way to my car to drive to the address he gave. As i pull up, i see a small Italian restaurant, my favourite. I park up and head inside. Ransom is sat at the candle lit table. The restaurant is empty. “Hi” he smiles as he lays his eyes upon me. “Hi” i walk over slowly, trying not to look overly keen by rushing. Silly i know.

“You look incredible” he looks me up and down, taking a deep breath. “Not so bad yourself Drysdale” i wink as i go to sit down, he pulls the chair out for me. “I was worried you weren’t gonna come. He confesses. He looks so nervous. “Are you okay?” i ask him, a hint of worry in my voice. “I’m fine it’s just, seeing you like this, it’s driving me crazy” i stare at him with surprise as i eye him up. He orders drinks and food for us both, i get lost in his appearance. He’s wearing a full blown suit. The effort he’s gone to for tonight is making my stomach do backflips. He’s so handsome under the candle light that fills the place. Not a single ceiling light on.

Our drinks arrive and i sip at it slowly as we make conversation. The one thing i’m dying to ask but i’m unsure. He notices. “What is it doll? You look bothered” there’s that nickname again, my legs turning to jelly. “I just, ever since you briefly brought it up the other night. I wanted to as-” he cuts me off “You want to know more about my family?” how did he know? “Well what did you want to know?” he sips his drink, a non-alcoholic beer since he will have to drive home. “You said that they’ve always hated you and always will. What makes you think that?” i purse my lips, staring him directly in the eye. Awaiting his answer.

“Well my cousin Meg calls me a trust fund prick if that’s some insight. Joni, Meg’s mom just thinks i’m troubled. Doesn’t stop her making digs at me to get a rise though and Walt, my uncle. He’s quite something. My last girlfriend said he asked her if she was my hooker” this isn’t family. That’s not how families behave. Not going to lie, the thought of meeting them makes me nervous but the thought of them putting him down is worse. “You know that’s no way to treat family. No matter how much they might hate you. I think it’s wrong and i’m sorry you have to put up with that” i hold his hand across the table and he nods in agreement when our food arrives. 

We spend the next hour or so just talking and joking around with each other. He’s just so different to how he was that Saturday night. So caring and gentleman like. It’s nice. I like him a lot.

A/N : I’m going to make a masterlist of this fic so all the parts will be in one place. I’ll link the masterlist on each part when i have done it. I’m proof reading and editing part 7 tonight and it will be up tomorrow afternoon.

[seungkwanslowqualityenglish]

Boyfriend!Soobin

Who: Soobin [ TXT ] 

Word Count:  2,113 words

Genre: Fluff 

Warning: N/A

Request: No.

@ultkyu​ I had planned to write just a short simple little fic for your birthday, however we know how that goes for me, short turns into not so short, and it’s still not done. So, enjoy this instead, I just wrote this quickly so it’s not the best, but enjoy.

Also  💕 💕 💕 💕 𝐻𝒶𝓅𝓅𝓎 𝐵𝒾𝓇𝓉𝒽𝒹𝒶𝓎 𝒦𝓇𝒾𝓈𝓈𝓎  💕 💕 💕 💕

You two would meet at a grocery store.

Like why do they always have to put the things you like on the top shelf.

You don’t mind climbing up the shelves, but that’s just sorta frowned upon, so you try not to.

You were just about to be giving up your goal of getting this one certain item, it being on the tallest of shelves, when you saw him.

He was over there looking all tall and handsome, but mostly tall, like really really tall, tall enough to reach the top shelf with ease.

It would have been an easy walk over, ask to get item, receive item, and thank them for getting the item, had he not turned around at that exact moment.

Of course, in doing so, he locked eyes with you, and here you are, that weirdo staring at someone else in the grocery store.

That was when you finally stuttered out “Help please”, after you finally got over being captivated by his stunning eyes and smile.

Like damn someone needed to write his parents a thank you letter, for giving birth to this god among men.

Maybe he was just used to this, or maybe he was just good at hiding his feelings since he simply chuckled, before asking “which item?”

That was just the first of many times you met him.

Often in that same grocery store, since his friends and parents often sent him on the food runs.

It wasn’t until one of your old friends invited you over to his house, that you got to really meet him.

While at Yeonjun’s, you learned his name was Soobin, despite all the times you met him in the store, never once did you get his name.

That was the first of many times you hung out with the guys.

Taehyun and Kai were like annoying younger brothers, and Beomgyu was as well.

It was about two months into being friends with them, that Yeonjun noticed something odd.

You always referred to all the guys as your brothers, but Soobin, he was just Soobin.

Yeonjun isn’t exactly a mastermind, but he felt like playing cupid, and that’s how you ended up at this restaurant with Soobin, waiting on 4 others who were not to come.

You had been sat about ten minutes when you finally got a text from Yeonjun, “can’t make it enjoy your date”.

That was followed by Soobin receiving identical messages from Kai, Beomgyu, and Taehyun.

He had set you up, and you couldn’t be mad at him, since they knew neither of you would have admitted your feelings and asked the other out.

The date was going well, however it still felt odd.

A fancy restaurant just wasn’t your vibe, and that’s how you two found yourself at an arcade.

That is how you stood here by the skee-ball machine, Soobin swearing he’s a pro, while also missing every single target.

This went on all night.

He was a skee-ball pro, a pinball master, a Pac Man wizard, and so forth.

But in reality, he wasn’t, he was just really trying to impress you, but it was sorta failing.

But honestly, it wasn’t really since you were impressed by his confidence.

As the night was nearing an end, he claimed he was a pro one last time, the crane machine.

While he played, you excuse yourself to the bathroom for a moment.

Had you stayed during that time, you would have seen him fail at the crane game many times.

During his times losing and his mumblings about wanting to win you something just once, he caught the attention of some other couple, who had their fair share of things from winning.

That was how he got the stuffed animal that he gave you, claiming he won it, once you returned.

Maybe you should thank Yeonjun, but his ego probably would inflate too much if you did, since it was due to him that you got a boyfriend.

After that, Soobin finally had the confidence to ask you out, well out again.

As he was dropping you off at home that night, he asked you for another date.

That one set off a string of other dates, before you two finally decided to become official.

Yet, in announcing it, it wasn’t anything the others didn’t know, since they’ve been knew, they were just waiting for you to confirm it.

You are dating the softest tallest sweetheart ever.

Like Soobin would treasure you, and nothing could ever stop that.

You would be precious to him, and nothing else can compare.

The two of you would have the cutest relationship, going on adorable dates to the arcade, the cafe, the beach, and stuff. 

You two would be dating about a month before he finally works up the courage to kiss you.

The both of you were just having an at home date, having dinner and a movie in the boys dorm.

That was your first mistake, having your date in the boys dorm.

The second mistake was thinking the others wouldn’t interrupt.

The dinner went well, you and Soobin cooked, and did not burn the kitchen down, which is a big achievement.

The movie was going well as some random romance movie could.

It being a bit chilly, you found yourself moving close to Soobin, as he wrapped his arm around you, pulling you closer to him. 

It was at that moment that he decided to make his move, and he kissed you.

As your lips touched, it was a perfect moment.

Well, it would have been, had it not been for Kai and Taehyun running into the living at that exact moment.

 Usually this moment would be described with fireworks and butterflies, but instead this moment was filled with screams and a door slamming.

Not exactly the most ideal thing to happen during your first kiss with him, but the rest of the boys coming home at that time wasn’t exactly ideal either.

It hadn’t been five minutes before all the other four knew, and it somehow shifted from you two kissing to completely making out on the sofa.

Which concerned Yeonjun, until you quickly explained that you were not, and that the others were exaggerating it.

It was that moment that the two of you both realized that this was the real thing, it wasn’t some short lived fling, and you didn’t run off when Kai and Taehyun interrupted you both kissing.

From then on, Soobin would constantly be giving you kisses.

Like if he doesn’t give you at least one kiss a day, he’ll die, or at least he claims.

Often it’s soft forehead kisses and occasionally nose kisses, at least when the boys are around.

Kisses on the lips is reserved for only when the others are gone, since you have no doubt it would be exaggerated if they witnessed it again. 

Soobin would love just holding you.

Like you sitting on the sofa, not for long, your in his lap now.

You are sitting without holding his hand, not for long, now you are not only holding his hand but also have his arm around your waist.

He is here for pda, except he’s not that much here for it in public. 

Like in the safety of your house or their dorm, he will hold you to his heart’s content, but in public, nah, he might hold your hand, if even that.

He would give the best cuddles.

Like literally the moment he starts cuddling you, you just want to stay there forever, and he would honestly let you too.

You both would have been together for a while, when he finally realizes he loves you.

It was his birthday, and imagine his surprise when he opens one of his many presents from you.

It was something he had vaguely mentioned wanting months ago, but he didn’t think he would actually get it. 

You got him that, along with some other things he had mentioned wanting, but never bought for himself.

It was at that moment he realized that he didn’t only love you, but he was in love with you.

You remember little things about him that others forget, and you remembered all the vague little things he mentioned wanting, and the others had either not heard or forgot about.

Would probably immediately say “I love you” without thinking, just for you to reply “I love you too” and he’s just like so confused, like what just happened.

He would love seeing you wear his clothing, if they fit you. 

Like he’d purposely leave his hoodies in your closet when he’s at your house, just so you wear them.

And if they don’t fit you, he’d purposely buy then bigger, and then be like “I like over-sized hoodies” when you ask him about it.

He would purposely buy couples hoodies and leave one at your house, and then you’ll wear it and he’ll also wear his and be like “oh look at that, I guess I had two.”

But you catch on easily, since he’s not that discreet about it.

He probably claims something like it was buy one get one free or something, but you know it wasn’t, he’s just not gonna admit he purposely bought one for you.

He would call you hella nicknames, like everything but your name.

His favorites are angel, prince/ss, and baby; and he probably has you in his phone as 💕My Angel💕 or something like that. 

He says Angel so much, his parents will think that’s your real name, until he explains like no it’s not.

He’d probably introduce you to his parents after a few months, and you’d be so nervous, but he’d be even worse.

Like he would be freaking out the whole time running through different scenarios, and in his eyes, the worst thing that could happen is his parents hating the one he loves.

But they love you, and call you both adorable, and it goes well.

He would enjoy going places with you, and doing things with you.

Like you want to go shopping, he’s fine being your hype man for three hours as you try to find the right pair of pants.

You wanna go to the beach, he’s up for it.

He doesn’t mind where you go, as long as he’s with you.

He sends you good morning and good night text.

When he is gone, he’d facetime you every night, if he could.

He’d call when it’s night for you, talking to you until you fall asleep. 

You wish he’d wake you or something, but he probably says some cute things like “seeing you sleep makes me feel like I’m close to you” or something.

He hates leaving you, so be prepared for daily selfies, and he would also like it if you sent him at least biweekly selfies.

Claims he’ll forget what you look like if you don’t.

Also overreacts saying you’ll forget what he looks like if he doesn’t send you daily selfies when he is gone.

Probably also fills your phone with selfies of himself before he leaves, so you have something to look at while he’s gone.

He loves taking photos of you, himself, and you both together.

He has a whole album of selfies of himself to send you, along with a whole album of photos of you he took, and a whole album of couple photos.

Normal people run out of storage from memes or music, he runs out of storage from photos of you.

Probably does something cute like compile photos of you and you two together, and then makes some cute scrapbook for your first anniversary. 

Wants to document each moment he has with you, so he’ll never forget it, which leads to you having tons of photos around.

Totally plans on telling the story behind all of these stories to your future children, whether the two of you have children or you just consider the other boys’ children yours. 

Loves taking you out to make these memories.

But absolutely under no circumstance are you to order mint chocolate chip ice cream, especially with him, the president of the mint chocolate chip ice cream haters club.

If you hate it as well, he’ll enlist you on clowning Yeonjun about liking it.

If you like it, well at least you have other redeeming qualities to him.

Sees himself with you in the future, but is sorta shy to admit it.

You are both young, and he just doesn’t want to scare you off by telling you.

But honestly, you see yourself with him in the future as well.

[boyslaughplus]

//TODO: today - Bestest Cupcake Poll Results Part #1

Hey, hey! It's been some time since the //TODO: today Bestest Cupcake Poll ended, but we're finally ready to announce the results!

To make things a little more exciting, we decided to split up the announcement into three parts and today we'll start with the third place. It was a pretty close race and even with 77 total votes, a single vote could have made the difference between who's third and who's second.

It was so close that we actually have two third place winners! The two of them are even acquainted and probably don't mind sharing this title. But without further ado, with 11 votes each the Third Bestest Cupcakes are:

Zen and Snow!

We will announce the second place winner later this week so we hope you're excited to find out who it is!

Many of you also took the opportunity to ask questions to the characters (as well as some kind words here and there, thanks for that!) and we really enjoyed reading them all! With each of these announcement posts we will also post the answer to one of the questions before releasing all of them at a later date.

So to start things off, here is one question that caught our eye because it is very much in the spirit of this contest:

"Speaking of cupcakes... if you could invent your own cupcake (flavor, name, design, etc.) what would it look like and what flavor/name would it be?"

Read on and see the picture above for what our cast came up with!

Joyce: Ooh, that sounds fun! I wouldn't be able to eat it but I want my cupcake to be something that makes lots of people happy. Like a party! Cotton candy colors sound fun and I want to add some sprinkles on top so it looks like it's covered in confetti! But every good party needs a surprise, so let's also fill it with pudding. I think vanilla pudding would be a good fit and it would make for a nice texture inside, too! As for the name... I'm going to call it the Cotton Candy Pudding Party!

Teal: I want to make a cupcake with dark chocolate. And strawberries. But just that sounds pretty plain, so I thought: "Why not add a cute animal face on top?" It's gonna look so fancy, like the perfect treat to end an exhausting day! I'll call it the Chocolate Self Care Bear.

Phoenix: Mine should be fruity, so I think an orange filling would be nice. And some white chocolate chips in the dough as well. Pistachios would make for a nice color contrast, too, so lets add them as topping. There's a bird that fits this look almost perfectly so I'll call it the Orange Fruit Dove!

Zen: Oh man, my roommate was in Japan recently and brought back a bunch of sweets that I can't stop thinking about. I never knew bean paste could taste so good! So I think my cupcake should be matcha flavored and filled with anko. And maybe some lime frosting for a fruity twist~ I think I could put Pac-Man to shame eating those... Oh yeah, I wanna call it the Paku Paku Green Bean!

Snow: Hm, I want mine to be simple and classy. I've been reading a lot of historical novels lately and it really made me think about how to get the most out of limited settings. So I thought, mint and dark chocolate is a classic combination but adding some ground nuts as topping should make it a lot more interesting. Same character, but more crunchy. I'll call it A Break After Eight.

Ms. Cardhover: Cupcakes always remind me of my husband. He has such a sweet tooth, during our honeymoon he drank so much Piña Colada I thought he'd grow sick of it before the first week was over! But he sure didn't, haha. I think a tropical cupcake would actually be nice. One that's coconut flavored with some pineapple pieces on top. And some rum inside~ Like the daytime version of my sweetie's favorite drink. I think I want to call it the Día Tropical!

Well, and that's it for today's post,  but we'll be back soon with the second place winner and the answer to another question!

PECTIN + eZombo

The core team of BL+

todo-today

[spageddiekaspbrak]

The Perks of Being A New Kid

Summary; Ben Hanscom was lucky enough to find himself welcomed into the losers’ club before his first day of school is even over. The one problem is Bill Denbrough, star baseball player and certified fuckboy. And The Bowers’ Gang. And gym class. Maybe there's more than one problem. 

Word Count; 2019

AN; I fucking love fuckboy bill and I fucking love denscom. And steddie and British Richie. Don't even get me started on Ben having a southern accent. Anyways hope y'all like it, I worked pretty damn hard on it 

Masterlist

“Aw fuck! Jesus Christ, fucking hell.” Ben recognized the British accent from earlier. It was Richie Tozier, a tall and lanky boy who had moved to Derry from Manchester, England three years ago and knew how it felt to be a new kid with an unusual accent. Ben had been touring the school with Stanley Uris, the student guide the office had assigned to him, when Richie has appeared out of nowhere and started a friendly sort of fight, the sort of fight Ben figured best friends often had with each other. Richie seemed nice enough, despite his punk clothing and how loud and trashmouthed he was. He had, after all, picked Ben fourth with a kind grin on his face, after Stan, a tall black boy named Mike, a redheaded girl named Bev.

A shrill whistle sounded and the dodgeball game stopped, everyone frozen except for Richie and his friends. A small boy sprung up from his seat on the bleachers and nearly sprinted over to Richie who was laying on the ground, a hand clutched to his bleeding nose. “This is why we aren't supposed to play dodgeball, Coach Ganley! People get hurt every single time! No wonder my mom makes me sit out! If I had gotten hurt, she'd be getting your ass fired.” The boy’s face was red through his freckles as he dug through his fanny pack, pulling out a cotton pad and shoving it up against Richie’s nose.

“Language, Kaspbrak!” Coach Ganley scolded before stepping in between the two teams, looking at the one opposite to Richie’s. “Who threw it?” Most eyes went to a tall, handsome, and toned boy who had his arms crossed. His shirt was snug around his biceps and he had a snapback set backwards on his head.

Before the gym teacher could get out a word, the boy from earlier spoke up. “Who do you think, Coach? William ‘gets away with everything because he's a star baseball player” Denbrough. Who else would it be?”

The kid now known to Ben as William smirked, sending a wink in the angry kid’s direction. “I get away with thuh-things for a very different reason, s-swe-e-sweetheart, I think you kn-know why. F-From those, uh, about four months we were suh-sleeping together?”

“Shut up, Denbrough! Back off my boyfriend!” Stan piped up, drawing himself to his full height and glowering at the other boy. The kids from earlier, Mike and Bev, stepped over, grabbing Stan’s shoulders. Ben was slightly offended Stan hadn’t mentioned he was dating someone, but figured Stan had assume from his southern accent that he was against gay people, most people did. He wasn’t though, for the record.

Ben felt like he had whiplash from looking from William, to Richie and the angry kid, Stan and his captors, and Coach Ganley who had a unhappy but amused smile on his face.

Before anyone else could say a word, the bell rang. Eddie pulled Richie up and dragged him towards the locker room. Stan and Mike followed suit, Mike gesturing for Ben to follow them. Bev split off, not before whispering something in a low voice to Mike and waving at Ben sweetly. His face reddened and he followed after Mike like a lost puppy.

The five boys grabbed their things and holed themselves up in the bathroom, Mike pushing the large door shut behind them and locking it. Richie hopped up onto one of the sinks, pulling the red stained cotton away from his already swollen nose. Eddie was already attacking him with wet paper towels, dabbing at the dried blood and the fresh blood that was joining it.

Stan was the first to start talking. “Mike, Eddie, you guys know how I told you I was gonna be the new kid’s student guide,” he didn’t wait for an answer before continuing. “This is Ben Hanscom, he moved here from Tennessee. Ben, you’ve met Richie, but this is Mike Hanlon and Eddie Kaspbrak.” There was a moment of cautious silence. “Eddie is my boyfriend.”

Ben smiled shyly, reaching to shake the hand Mike had extended to him. “It’s nice to meet y’all. Sorry it had to be on such bad terms.”

“Not your god damn fault Bill Denbrough is the worst fucking person on the planet.” Eddie sponged at Richie’s nose a little too hard and Richie hissed, snatching the paper towel away and tending to his nose himself.

Stan grabbed Eddie’s elbow gently, pulling Eddie towards himself and looking down at Eddie with a soft smile. Eddie’s face and body immediately relaxed as the two gave each other heart eyes. Ben had to resist gushing and cooing over how cute the two were. “I gotta ask, is it William or Bill?”

“Bill. Everyone calls him Bill, but his full name is William.” There was a moment of silence. “He and Eddie have….history. He’s kinda the worst. Total asshole.” Mike finally released Ben’s hand and gave him a half smile, plus a shrug.

“Stay away from him Benjamin, stay far far away.” Eddie warned, the left side of his face pressed against Stan’s chest as Stan rocked them from side to side gently.

“Yes sir.” Ben gave a little salute to Eddie and Richie snorted.

“I like you Benny, welcome to the losers’ club.” Richie got down from the sink, his nose finally done bleeding even though it was still large and a little purple.

“What?”

“The losers’ club. It’s what we call ourselves. Me, Bev, Eds, Mikey, and Stanny.” Richie pulled off his gym shirt and shorts. Ben snapped his eyes shut, face brightening at seeing Richie in his boxers, even if it was for a second. “And now you. So welcome.”

“Thanks,” Ben squeaked, feeling like his face was on fire. He could hear everyone else changing, but he stayed still and kept his eyes shut. At his old school, they hadn't been forced to change for gym. Ben wasn't one to complain, but these gym uniforms were uncomfortable and small and were an unflattering red against his yellow hair.

After a few minutes of silence, just the soft rustling of clothing and zippers being unzipped and zipped again, a hand tapped his shoulder. “You're good, Ben.” It was Mike’s voice. Ben liked Mike and sure hoped Mike wouldn't worry that he was a bigot or anything bad. He open his eyes, face still hot as he blinked away the blurriness.

“Thank you,” he mumbled, fixing his eyes on the tiles. He tapped his foot four times, pausing only to tap it four more times, then continuing the pattern.

“Do you want us to…,” Eddie’s voice trailed off. Ben nodded and kept his eyes downcast as the other four boys trickled one by one out of the bathroom. Mike squeezed Ben’s shoulder on the way out, pulling the door shut as he ended the parade leaving the bathroom. Immediately a weight fell off his chest, he didn't want to change in front of his new friends, nor anyone else.

Three lengthy and boring periods later, Ben was sitting around a lunch table with the rest of the “losers’ club” as Richie had called it earlier. He really liked these kids and was glad to already have found his niche in Derry. He was sandwiched between Bev and Eddie, Stan on the other side of Eddie, Richie next to Stan, Mike next to Richie, and back to Bev again. Not that Ben would admit it, but this was the biggest group of friends he had ever been in. Well, he hadn’t really had more than two friends before.

It seemed like Mike and Bev were dating, or at least talking, to Ben. Mike had an arm slung over the back of Bev’s chair, eating chips with his free hand as he smiled down at whatever she was doing on her phone. Ben could see Stan and Eddie’s knees pressed together on his other side and he blushed a little, feeling strange and boxed in. Richie flashed Ben a giant smile, stuffing a handful of Mike’s chips in his mouth.

“Don’t worry, I’m forever alone too, my darling Benny Boy. We’ll find your sweetcheeked self a pretty girly,” Richie spewed little bits of wet chips as he spoke, still chewing in between words. Everyone gave him a disgusted look as he leaned across the circular table, pinching Ben on his cheek.

“It’s uh..,” Ben coughed shyly after Richie let go of his face, “I don’t...you know…I kinda don’t swing that way?”

“Welcome to the club,” mumbled each and everyone of the losers. Ben did a double take and opened his mouth to speak before Richie cut him off.

“I put the bi back in little bitch, Mikey and Mrs. Marsh are fellow bisexuals, and the spaghetti man-“

“It’s Eddie, god damn it!”

“Stan and Eddie are gay obviously.” Richie and Eddie sent venomous looks to each other. Richie broke first, crossing his eyes and sticking out his tongue and Eddie giggled at that.

Ben tried not to notice the protective gesture of Stan putting his hand on Eddie’s knee and squeezing it. Stan’s hand barely lasted a second before Eddie was batting it away, still smiling casually although his body had tensed up.

All of a sudden, a tall boy with a blonde mullet was behind Eddie. He licked his hand and slapped it down on Eddie’s neck with an evil smirk playing on his lips. Eddie jumped to his feet, hands held up in the air like jazz hands as they trembled. His eyes were scrunched shut as Stan hurried to unzip his fanny pack and grab out some hand sanitizer.

As Stan rubbed the sanitizer into the back of Eddie’s neck, the kid scanned Ben up and down. “Fat, Pac Man shirt, baby face, fairy hair, hmph, you’ll fit right in here at the twink table.”

Richie was on his feet, reaching out as if he was going to throttle the kid. “I’m gonna fucking kill you, Henry Bowers. You absolute fucking twat!” Mike grabbed Richie by the back of his waistband and pulled the british boy back into his seat.

Henry gave all of the losers a shiteating grin before strolling away. Eddie and Stan moved too, presumably to the bathroom. Ben knew not to ask about it and stared at the salad his mom had absently shoved into his hands that morning.

“So! Has anyone invited Ben to Star Wars night tonight?” Bev asked, straightening up in her seat. Mike’s arm was no longer resting on the chair and her phone was face down on the table. It was clear she was trying to lighten the mood and ask as a distraction.

“No not yet, Mrs. Marsh, but now we have to!” Richie clucked his tongue, obviously joking when he shook his head and gave Bev a dismayed look. Richie scooted over into the chair that Eddie had previously occupied, slinging his arm around Ben’s shoulders and pressing a wet and joking kiss to Ben’s cheek. As gross as it was, Ben felt good about the kiss on the cheek. It made him feel warm inside. Not because he liked Richie, but because he hadn’t even been at this new school for an entire week yet and he had already been accepted into a new group. Not only accepted but he had been invited to a group hang out. “It’s at 7, the big red house on the corner of Turner and Pine. Lemme think of a landmark….if you go to Jerry’s Hard Liquor, it’s three blocks down then a left, all the way down and to the right. Stanny and his mommy just moved in with his stepdad.”

“We basically eat a pizza dinner with other snacks and soda, Star Wars music playing in the background. And then we usually do some trivia or a themed board game. Then a marathon, but only the first three movies. They’re the only good ones obviously.” Mike’s arm was back to its normal spot on Bev’s chair.

“It’s so much fun. You’ll love it, Ben.”

Tag List

@groovy-wyatt @kanewsies @themysteriousworldofvia @wyatt-ohheleft @missingstanleyuris

[mslizshowbizrant]

Dear Congress: YOU’RE FIRED

I got an email about a New Years resolution Congress should make and am more than lost for words. So this is what I decided to write back: Dear Congress: You ask me, Elizabeth Rose (Liz), what Congress should make as a New Year’s resolution. You ask this knowing that I am not a person who hides her emotions when it comes to truths no matter what party she stands with. You ask of Congress... -The group of Suits who literally spy on people every waking moment. Acting as if they don't know what they are doing is gross, immoral, against the law and in a way childish. No. Not just one side of Congress doing this of course, but Congress in general. Meanwhile, Congress consists of 2 parties; the Dems and the Reps. Something I think in fact needs to change as soon as possible because not every voter likes either of the 2 parties and is tired of having to be forced into voting for either one when some find that both are equally terrible. The system however only allows 2 parties to run for office, while at the same time encouraging people to run who don't like either side... That is the top reason a lot of people don't want to vote anymore, rather they are illegal citizens or not. Ironically, some of us who would have been good leaders don't want to run for office either because of that alone. Why run if you can't stand with the true party you represent? Other than that... What do I think they should do? Funny. They know what they "ought" to do, but would rather ask people what to do in hopes that people don't have an answer for them so they can make up something by themselves. Too bad. I'm not that kind of person. I feel what they 'should' do is either pull together or be replaced with people who will. The whole point in paying taxes to our government is for Congress members to set laws in place that will protect us, and maintain the budget of programs and projects that will keep each state united and communicating with each other. As for the way things are going, we the people do not feel protected. And are tired of our government instead, opting to rob us, spy on us, take away our rights to raise our own children under the teachings we want, and allow ads to push in our families faces in order to change us to be what businesses want us to be. A product of their design -giving them money for useless trinkets we don't need. This is not the reason people come to America nor wish to keep the government system we have. What do the people want? We either want the protection we are being taxed for. Or we want Congress to stop pushing power over us to get what they desire, instead. We want the corruption not just exposed but stopped. We want our rights to believe what we wish, support who we want and speak how we feel. Not have our rights taken from us with unfair laws or actions. We want Congress to stop paying the media to lie to us. Stop using Super Pac’s to get themselves elected, and throwing our votes in the trash. We are tired of the rigged elections and legislation pinning the blame on others as if we didn't see what each member has done to fix the elections in their favor. We aren't blind. We know Congress rigs elections. So if most of us decide not to vote next election and go back to not taking elections seriously, this may be a big reason why. If you can't take us seriously, why should we participate in such a movement? Why so you can keep campaigning and talking crap about one another? Honestly, Trump being in the White House now because of Congress's constant slip up's in this action is only music to my ears. Finally, someone who will make Congress have a hard time. Call that Karma if you want. With that said, why would I stop Trump from making legislation miserable when all they ever seem to do is push through laws that mostly benefit themselves and do nothing for us unless they gain something from it? Please Stop thinking illegal immigrants will always vote democrat and thinking it’s okay to let the people living legally in this country stay unprotected so long as either side gets its votes. Stop sponsoring creative tactics to divide us by having journalist point out our race, gender, religion, and money in their articles and stories as being something we should all care about. Most are already not telling but half of the truth in the first place out of fear that people won't' want to read or watch their news reports. That alone is a headache we never needed. Stop pushing hate and propaganda of our current president, knowing that most Congress members have been where they are longer than Trump has lived in the White House. Each who fits such description is, therefore, the most to blame for why things are happening how they are today. Each member had sat a long time saying they would help us during each campaign. And in each ad; but thus far have simply not kept their word. People are beginning to think they never will. Please understand that the issue was present before Trump ever arrived and made any changes. On that note, stop then trying to blame Barrack Obama as well. The issue once again was present before he was elected. The issue we have rest in legislation alone. And it’s time to stop blaming every president we elect as the issue. Stop trying to dangle every president like a puppet. They are not puppets. They are real people. All of them deserve respect. RE-open the government because it is not hurting legislation that Americans are not getting paid but are being told to work. I don't care what hashtag is used to verify whose fault it is that the government is shut down. But, I do care that the government has shut down twice in less than 1 year because of the same topic. With the topic being what the people wanted when they chose Donald J. Trump to be their president by the electoral vote. If any other foul issues come up to where legislation cannot pull together because of it, then it should be instead Congress members who are docked pay for not being able to fulfill the task the people of this country is paying them to do or had voted to have done. We don't need to be forced into paying high taxes so Congress members can do nothing but talk. We are tired of seeing Senates and House Representatives live rich lifestyles off of money they did not do a thing to make. Simply talking to us in a campaign gets them paid yet somehow because of every bureaucracy program out there, we are forced to pay tax money to them as well? No, this is called being bullied and robbed. If anything we should have legislation shut down instead. That way no Congress member gets a paycheck until they can come to an agreement about bills and projects they wish to either pass into law or bring forward to the people. Especially if the topic in question is at all what any president had promised to the people of the country for why he is elected. It is not the people who should suffer when the government shuts down and cannot come to an agreement. It is Congress for letting people down. To me, Congress may as well be professional Gangers in Suits these days. So I have very little patience with them. Especially Congress members who have sat in the Legislative Branch of government for years, and have always promised us miracles but never delivered them. Sure I am not a fan. Nor are a lot of other people. But one thing is certain. If Congress does not fix these issues, people will notice it and if anything, take to the streets in mob anger soon. -Because no one likes Congress playing the "oligarchy card." Congress: Either do what the people voted you in to do or get out of the way. That is what I think Congress should do. But they probably won't and think instead to ask why people are upset when mobs decide to show up at their doorsteps with flaming sticks and pitchforks after Maxine told people it was okay to create crowds, push back on them and tell them that they are not welcomed anywhere, anymore. New Year's resolution: Do what you should be doing, and stop trying to divide people to get what you want.

Thank you for taking out the time to read this idea. Sorry if any feelings got hurt in the process. But I don't take back a word I said. People are tired of being robbed, censored, unprotected, and bullied into following laws, not one Congress member will ever follow themselves. Either treat us fair, and do what we wish for why we are paying you to be there at all, or...

In the words of Donald J. Trump himself:

YOU'RE FIRED!

Sincerely:

Elizabeth Rose McAdams DaCosta

Date: Jan 1, 2019

10:51 pm PT~ California

[agent-7-at-your-service]

Future Plot: Project Titanomachy -Chapter 12

(( Lee, Pac-man depiction of Callie, Janine, and Camille belongs to @inklingleesquidly

Nebula, Blueshift, and depiction of Marie/ Agent 2 belongs to @myzzy and @agenttwo

Nova Sparks, Paige Marchant and their parents belong to @inkstriker-fynn and @eiden-squid

Sapphire belongs to @son-of-joy and @twelvetailedkitsune

Sylver belongs to @twelvetailedkitsune

Jacar belongs to @son-of-joy

Arsenic (cameo) belongs to @a-demo-of-a-hero

Celeste belongs to @alpinesquid

Chaodis, Telemachus, and others belong to me

Author’s note: Camille’s backstory in this story is only canon in my timeline, @inklingleesquidly has not yet confirmed an official one.))

Cemetery - Inkopolis - 11:15 AM

Lee and Callie Squidly were visiting the grave of Sapphire (the false one that Agent 7 was requested to make) with Pac-man, Camille, and Janine. Nova Sparks, Paige Marchant, and their parents, Fynn and Eiden, also visited along with Justinian and Sea Angel Splatoon, Quintin (Q) and Julia Noh, and Agent M and Agent C.

When the Squidlys paid their respect and returned home, Callie decided to meet with Sylver about the incident after work. They meet in the Cafe of Inkopolis Plaza for some hot cocoa and sea-salt ice cream cakes.

Inkopolis Cafe - Inkopolis Plaza, Inkopolis - 12:00 PM

Callie and Sylver were sitting across from each other at a table booth. Each of them had a cup of hot cocoa in their hand and a plate of sea-salt ice cream cakes in front of them. They enjoyed their meal, but Callie didn't come for that; she came to talk about Sapphire.

"You must be going through a rough time," Callie mentioned, "losing a daughter."

Sylver, at first, didn't want to talk about it, but she nods and replied. "I know.... they told me that her killer was unknown."

Callie sighed. "Camille was really quiet when we paid our respects to Sapphire. Marie's daughter and Robin's daughter were also the same."

"Everyone that knew Sapphire is quiet." Sylver looked down.

"How's your husband handling this?" Callie asked.

Agent 7 actually told Sylver and Jacar to never tell the Squidly about Camille. Therefore, she can't tell them Jacar was going to help out Neo-Squidbeak Splatoon. The same was told to Blueshift and Agent 2 in case the parents ask them about Camille in addition to Nebula.

"Jacar is asking Agent 7 to send him to search for the killer," Sylver replied.

"Yet, we don't know who killed her?" Callie was getting suspicious.

Sylver was silent for a moment and evaded the question.

"Oh sorry, it's top secret, isn't it?" Callie then gave a weak laugh.

Sylver then changed the subject. "I remember during winter that Camille and Sapphire were a lot closer together. They were both in love."

"My daughter? In love?" Callie has almost forgotten about it. "I can recall that now... It was really adorable."

"I wonder what Camille thinks now that she's gone." Sylver wondered.

".....I don't know, but what I do know is that she's hasn't been acting like her usual self since the incident." Callie cuts a piece of her sea-salt ice cream cake and eats it. "And I fear she's hiding something from me and Lee. We would usually talk about it, but we've noticed empty gaps during her time going out. We didn't know what she's doing. I just feel so worried about her safety..."

".....Don't be." Sylver eats her ice cream cake as well. "It probably just her growing up. She just needs time to handle things."

"... I guess." Callie looks out the window, remembering the old times. She smiled slightly.

When I was back home in Inkopolis, I needed something to clear my head of what I saw. Then there's was the date Chaodis offered me... I accepted the offer. Chaodis said it was going to be in 3 days.

And you're probably wondering what my friends and I were doing; the whole team was meeting at Mount Olympus after school to see if Hephaestus has found any sign of Titans. Then we just return to Inkopolis to continue our daily lives.

And when it was time for that date..... I hanged out with Nebula and Celeste in Telemachus's residence in Alexandria district, trying to tell them to convince me not to go.

.....What? I was having second thoughts.

Telemachus's Residence (Dorm) - Alexandria District, Inkopolis - 3:50 PM

"I can't believe I'm doing this!" Camille was pacing back and forth.

Nebula and Celeste were sitting on their beds, watching her pace. Poseidon's trident and Hestia's heart were on a nightstand, being unused at the moment.

"Camille, it's just a date," Nebula advised, "Just go on the date."

"Yeah, no one is stopping you," Celeste agreed, "Your parents did give the green light, right?"

"They also told me to say safe like any other normal parent should say to their kid." She rolls her eyes while still pacing back and forth. "I never had a date before."

Nebula gets up and stops Camille from pacing. "Camille, just calm down." She places her hands on her cousin's shoulders. "It's just a date, keep calm, and just do whatever friends do: Chat, eat, and do some stuff."

"Do some stuff?" Camille asked.

"You know what I mean: dance, play, sing, anything!" Nebula pats her shoulder.

Camille takes a deep breath. "I still think I shouldn't go." She walks over to a door to a large closet. "I don't have anything to wear..... And I would need to bring my..... where's Athena's spear anyway?" As she opens the door to check if it's there, there was an inkling mannequin with a dark green dress.

The dark dress had a carmine collar with a light green shawl over the right shoulder. The skirt part of the dress was long and adorned in agate and tiger's eye. There were amazonite bracelets and bronze earrings to go with the dress. In addition, there was a large hooded shawl that looked like wings. There were silk ballet shoes that were more like slip-ons than the laced shoes.

A white purse was next to the mannequin with Athena's spear and a scarf. The spear was shortened to fit in the purse.

Athena's pet spider, Arachne, is on the mannequin's shoulder. It jumps happily, wanting Camille to try it on. She even makes a tiny squeak.

Camille's jaws dropped, Nebula and Celeste ran over to see the dress.

Nebula smiles at Camille. "Well, your pet spider is encouraging you to go."

"How quick did Arachne make this!?" Celeste asked.

There was no way I was going to avoid this date. I can just turn now and not go at all, but Arachne was giving me puppy eyes. And if Athena had a ghost, I bet she'll disapprove of me rejecting a dress made by Arachne.

Once I put on the dress, jewelry, and the shoes, I was picked up by my Mom and Dad who took me to Octo-Valley. We arrived at Grandpa Cuttlefish's shack where Chaodis and Telemachus were waiting. Why Telemachus was there was because for security reasons.

Cuttlefish's shack, Octo Valley - 4:00 PM

After Camille is dropped off, Lee and Callie said their final goodbyes. Callie teased her daughter about the squid she's dating which made Camille blushed. Telemachus rolled his eyes, and Chaodis just kept on smiling.

"Stay safe, Camille," Lee reminded.

"Be back around ten, okay, dear?" Callie requested.

"I will, Mom," Callie promised.

Once Lee and Callie return to Inkopolis through a familiar kettle entrance, Telemachus quickly escorted Camille and Chaodis to Kitzeh's Kettle Pub. And there, they used the secret shortcut to Hephaestus' Forge.

Telemachus bids them good luck on the date before pulling the lever and sending the cart carrying the couple.

In the middle of the transportation, Camille felt Chaodis's hand touch hers. She then hears Antero's words ring in her head. Her face turned red when hearing Antero's voice again, so she holds Chaodis's hand and sticks her tongue at the ceiling.

Hephaestus's Forge, Mount Olympus, Greece 4:10 PM

When they arrive, they pass by Hephaestus and Arsenic at the entrance of the Forge. Arsenic was with the Blacksmith god, helping some cyclopes finish up on an elevator.

Chaodis and Camille try it out and it leads to the outside where a large little owl was waiting for them. It looked awfully familiar to Camille and realizes it was Athena's pet owl. However, there was a note stuck in the owl's right wing. Camille takes it and reads it.

“Champion of Athena and Zeus, Nyctimene is your problem now. I hope she becomes of use to you. 

        - Pan Faunus”

Chaodis chuckled. "I guess Pan was doing a solid for Athena."

"She looks just like Athena's other owl, Noctua," Camille remembered while petting the large little owl, "So you're name is ..Nick... Timmy?"

Nyctimene puffed up a but when Camille pets her and the owl nods.

"I'll just call you Nicky," Camille giggled.

Nyctimene stops puffing up and turns around, offering them a ride to Athens.

And it took less than 5 hours to get there. One way, Chaodis and I didn't really talk, but he was trying to bring up one about our hobbies. It was racing car, obviously. To be honest, there wasn't really anything to talk about.

Parthenon, Athens, Greece - 8:00 PM

Nyctimene lands in a park in Athens, dropping off Camille and Chaodis. Camille pats the owl's head twice.

"Just stay here and wait for us okay, Nicky?" Camille requested.

"Who." Nyctimene sits and takes a nap.

"Come on, there's a lot of things to do." Chaodis lends her a hand.

"No need to rush." Camille smiles a bit and holds his hand.

The party being held around reconstructing temple was in honor of Athena. Everyone wore either tunics, armor, or robes over some light clothing. Some citizens were wearing costumes representing mythological creatures.

Tents and stands were established, selling snacks and drinks, displaying artworks and crafts, and setting up games and entertainment.

Chaodis and Camille took the time to try out the games, taste the cuisines, and looks at the arts and crafts. There was even one point where they tried out a horseback riding race with Camille winning in the end.

(( Music plays at the Parthenon Entrance: https://youtu.be/q_UAWwg8D24 ))

When it was time to attend the dance, the inklings and marine life there were dancing to the songs of ancient Greece. The flutes and ocarinas sounded, the drums and sticks beated and clapped, the tambourines and cymbals chimed, and the lutes and lyres were strummed faintly.

The music filled the air with divine rejoice and peace.

Chaodis noticed how crowded the dance floor water and didn't like being in an almost tight space of the dance taking place. Camille then quickly took his hand and guided him inside the temple itself.

And once inside the empty halls of marble and granite, Camille smiled at him.

"Here, you still hear the music loud enough to dance to," Camille assured.

"Clever." Chaodis then took a bow and offer her a dance.

Camille to his hand and held him close. He did the same and began dancing with her. As they danced to the music, the atmosphere changed for them. Anteros and 3 other winged gods of love were watching the dance from behind an altar.

Camille sees them and just makes a look, telling them that she's got the point about love. Anteros just shrugs and shakes his head. Camille just blushes with an annoyed look on her face.

"Maybe we should take this dancing to a garden." Camille didn't want Anteros and his love god friends watching them.

"You know a garden here?" Chaodis asked.

"Only in a dream." Camille took him through the Parthenon's temple just as Athena showed her in her dreams.

The garden was similar to the one in Camille's dream, but what was missing was Athena's gazebo. Instead, there was a structure that acts as a sanctuary for little owls. The nocturnal avians were currently sleeping.

The garden today and the garden in my dreams were different from each other.

Camille and Chaodis continued their dance with the music becoming faint. That music ends up being replaced with a maiden playing a lyre. Camille can hear it, but could see the musician; she wonders if Athena's playing it.

(( She plays:  https://youtu.be/fPpcI9PZuuM?list=PLUlxGSeIx8osPzR4J_j8jSueqbGRsQh9M ))

Camille felt some comfort from the music and the dance. Even though she felt her heart being heavy from the death of Sapphire, she carries on with endurance.

But at the end of the lyre's tune, Chaodis stops dancing. He lets go of Camille and steps back with an uncertain look on his face.

"You didn't come here for the date, did you?" Chaodis asked.

"...Whatever do you mean?" Camille asked.

"Camille, I know you didn't just come on this date just because of the whole boyfriend-girlfriend thing." Chaodis smiled a bit. One of his eyes were still a  quarter closed as usual.

Camille now felt something in her chest. It wasn't pain... but anxiety. Yet, she kept a serious and strong demeanor.

"I know that a relationship between us is not gonna happen," Camille replied, "It's just a date."

Chaodis decided to push further. "If this is about Sapphire's death, then using my date as some kind distraction is really cruel of you."

"What?" Camille glared at her.

"Don't act dumb!" Chaodis stomps with one foot. He shared a glare with her. "You're better than this! You lost someone that meant something to you, and now it's gone!"

"Oh, how would you know what it's like to lose her!" Camille snapped. "You don't even know her!"

"Well, I know her enough to understand that you two had something." Chaodis stands in front of her. "And you need to stop bottling up emotions like this."

"Me, bottling up emotions!?" Camille denied. "I don't give flying squid about how I feel about others, but I am sure angry that I couldn't save her!"

"Angers always something people feel. When I saw you with Sapphire in your arms, I saw something!" Chaodis mentioned. "You were showing a soft side no one has seen!"

"Oh, sure, I did that," Camille replied sarcastically.

"Well at least, I can be human unlike you!" Chaodis argued.

Camille clenched her fist. "What is that suppose to mean?"

Chaodis lists a few things she finds about Camille: "Single-minded, apathetic, ill-tempered, remorseless, and stubborn." Chaodis folds his arm. " I can list more, but it's coming from not just me, Telemachus, Justinian, or Agent 7."

Camille turns around, ignoring him. "Hmph.”

Chaodis then steps closer to her. "Do you even realize what's going on in our damn universe! Titans are roaming the lands, leaving destruction and disasters, and your friends and family will have to put their lives on the line to stop them. All except you!"

"Shut up." Camille clenched her fist tighter.

"And your parents don't even know what you're doing!" Chaodis yelled.

"Shut up!" Camille raised her voice.

"And you hate being an agent!" Chaodis exclaimed while stepping closer.

"I said shut up!" Camille shouted.

"And what's so different about serving the gods than going back to a plain boring life of being a race and nothing else!?" Chaodis's question gets under Camille's skin. "Some heroine you are!"

Camille has had it and delivers a hard slap to his cheek. Chaodis stepped back and place a hand on his cheek. He looked at her and noticed tears.

"I didn't ask for this..." Camille muttered.

"What?" Chaodis asked.

Camille stepped closer. "I didn't ask to be a hero, Chaodis!" She was now crying. "I never wanted the role in the first place!”

"Camille..." The hand one his cheek was now reaching to Camille. "You can't escape from everything.”

Camille stared at him. He offered a hug.

"If it makes you feel better, we can talk," Chaodis sympathized.

Camille took the hug and embraces him, continuing to cry.

And at that time, I will never forget that... then again I would just store the memory away. Still, this the first time I ever told someone about my past.

Camille and Chaodis sat a ledge, watching the view of Athens. Again, this the was same ledge where Camille sat with Athena in her dreams. Camille was holding Chaodis's hand again.

"I loved race cars since I was a baby, and my path was already set for me. But at 10, some of the kids at my school told me no girl has ever raced. Some bullies even mocked for what I wanted to be..... I'll never forget the time they stole my toy car and smashed it to pieces. My parents found out about bullying that they moved me to another school where I meet Nebby."

Chaodis is listening clearly. "Is that why you are what you are?"

"The way I was treated changed me. I proved them wrong--" Camille explained.

"No wonder why you're acting all tough and like a--" Chaodis noticed Camille starring.

Camille just looks at him with a depressing look on her face.

"... Sorry for interrupting..." Chaodis apologized.

Camille sighed and continued. "I proved those bullies wrong and worked hard to become 'The Fastest Squid Alive', and I got the last laugh." She looks down. "And from that day I became what you, Justinian, and Telemachus know me as today."

"Camille, can I tell you something?" Chaodis asked.

"What is it?" Camille replied.

(( Play this: https://youtu.be/PjCVGBwL8PY ))

"I never really had friends because of racing," Chaodis confessed while letting go of Camille's hands, "And I never had parents to support me on that path I chose. And the race club I joined mocked me for my eye disability. Yet, I kept a smile and a positive look on life. I never got aggressive and welcomed everyone in my social circle. And the best part is that I care for everyone's well-being. I get a lot in return." He looked at Camille. "After all, I gave you my trophy and offered you a rematch."

"...You know it wasn't necessary." Then Camille thought about it and smiled a bit. "But thanks."

Chaodis gets up and lends her a hand.

"There's one more thing: do you still think we can be boyfriend and girlfriend now?" He has his usual smiled.

Camille looked up at him and then at his hand. She grabs his hand and he helps her up.

"Oh, now you're just teasing me," Camille replied giving a smirk.

They then laughed.

The two squids looked into each other's eyes and as the got closer, their lip were about to touch. At the last minute, there was the sound of screaming and crowds running about. Chaodis and Camille stopped and looks at the direction of where the scream came from. They looked back and realized what they were doing.

((Song transitions to this: https://youtu.be/bDmAyIIWjws?list=PL08FEE6C0B34C86B6 ))

"...We should go see what's going on." Chaodis blushed.

"Yeah..." Camille was blushing as well.

Camille pulls Athena's spear out of her purse and runs off to see what's causing the scream. Chaodis followed behind her before going over to a well to retrieve a gold apple from below it.

[tube-thoughts-blog]

Vol. 13

zero stars - terrible, 1/2 a star - dull, 1 star - folly, 1 1/2 stars - lacking, 2 stars - fair, 2 1/2 stars - decent, 3 stars - terrific

--- "Studs":

*Personality matters little to these early 1990s bimbos on this dating game show

*They want a guy with a "wild side" (code for douchebag)

*One of their potential hunks is wearing dress shirt, tie, and shorts. 90s ensemble

*The women can't decide if the second hunk is a beefcake or a 6 foot tall bowling pin

*The guy in shorts is called a mix between John Wayne and a mime. John Wayne is nothing like a mime. Stoic, maybe. John Wayne would punch out a mime, if ever bothered by one.

*Shorts hunk dissed his date because he saw his hero Bobby Brown in an elevator

*Not much else to say about these bland dates between California girls and Midwest boys

close to 2 stars

----------------

--- Tori Amos on MTV's Loveline:

*After the bummer of hearing about Tori's abuse hotline, we have a Gen X'er call in tot alk about how his girlfriend accidentally ripped out his penis piercing and he's afraid to go to the doctor

*A guy, with his back to the camera while wearing an airbrush painted t-shirt that reads: "Boo Hoo!", has a problem with his girlfriend not wanting to look at him during oral sex. I can't see his face, but I don't even want to look at him, period.

*A guy, w/ a butt-cut hairstyle and a flannel shirt, is down cause his first love "dogged" him and broke his heart after taking his cherry. Now, he can't score with new chicks.

*Tori calls him a pussy. Not really, but, basically.

*We get a pierced nipples question via 90s internet video live feed

*A guy calls in with a weird obsession about bear feet. Oh, bare feet. Well, that's not too weird. Many weirdos have that.

*Tori thinks he should work at a shoe shop. It didn't work for Al Bundy. He hates women and their feet.

*Talk about how having kids is a cockblock to getting dates

*The set for LoveLine is very 90s with a coffee shop lounge feel and couches along with a big screen that's multiple screens attached together.

*Tori doesn't want her lover thinking about the girls on "Friends" while she's making love to them.

*Tori reminds me of a psycho chick who'd try to sacrifice a dove, for some weird symbolic reason, while she was in the throes of passion.

*A girl had two affairs. One of them with an "indivijiBILL" (what it sounded like she said). Now she don't know who da baby daddy. Call Maury, in a few years, he do dem dna baby daddy tests.

*LoveLine has a cappuccino bar on the set. It's for people who are ashamed of looking at another person when talking about sex. A sort of hipster confession booth.

*One guy is nervous about his girlfriend dressing up like Wonder Woman during sex

2 stars

----------------------

--- TV CARNAGE:

*Great Acting Is Great Acting, Especially With Titties: Do you wanna see my horribly disfigured chest or not?* 2 stars

*How To Commit Social Suicide: "Be expressive and let it rip." Air piano. Not flatulence.* between 2 & 2 1/2 stars

*Microwave Brain: Hasselhoff stresses over poodle poo.* 1 star

*Mighty Fine Man: It's a lust thang.* close to 2 stars

*Shoplifting Is Fun!: Johnny 5's cousin robot is a hood.* close to 2 1/2 stars

---------------

"Dance Party USA, 1980s NEW WAVE DANCING AND HAIR!" *In the 80s, cool kids did weird things like wear their shoes on their hands.*         2 1/2 stars

Rescue 911 w/ William Shatner: Boy vs. Gasoline Volcano *The re-enactments on Rescue 911 & Unsolved Mysteries are perfect time capsules for thelate 1980s & early 1990s.* 2 1/2 stars

A Haunting: Phantom Room *"Instead of holy water, highly flammable liquid is used, and if it ignites, it's a sign that a spirit is present." Gee, I wonder if it will ignite... A junkie overdose is angry and needs to be evicted from a suburban garage. Destination America is supposed to be a postcard network for American life, I'm thinking. America, where ordinary life happenings can psych a family out so much their lives begin falling apart and they blame the results on the supernatural.* 2 stars

USA Saturday Nightmares: The Dummy (1982) *Ventriloquist dolls are creepy, but it's hard to consider them actually scary. That is unless they're sliding butcher knives underneath the bedroom door. This comes from an era of really good & inventive horror shorts.*                         between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

Ripley's Believe It Or Not!: episode 2 (1985) *Surgeons remove two toes, from the feet of a Chinese man, fitting them as a makeshift pincer in place of a missing hand. Believe that.* 2 1/2 stars

"Wild Man of Navidad" (2007) *No country for old bigfoot. Some might see the wild man itself as undercooked, but the greasy hicksploitation sticks to the ribs better'n chicken fried steak & gravy.* close to 3 stars

X Files: Roland *From beyond a cryo-frozen genius controls his autistic twin to complete his groundbreaking scientific work.* between 2 1/2 & 3 stars

--- Phone Losers:

*Politically Correct Portraits: or "wrong side first" photos.* close to 2 1/2 stars

*Bank Customers - Take A Running Jump: "If they told you to jump off a bridge" they being Bank of America and you being British or George Reeves Superman* 1 1/2 stars

*Pauly Shore Screws Up Another Vacation: MTV's The Weasel turns a pleasure cruise into a slave-ship passage for Laura Winslow & the mom from Family Matters.* close to 2 1/2 stars

*Radio Shack Prayer Is Evil: For a decade or more it's been against their religion to have any customers and they also have a do not resuscitate order upon going out of business.* 2 1/2 stars

*Yard Sale Competitor: it's a cut throat business using a $5 "as is" weed-whacker.* 3 stars

---------------

--- USA Cartoon Express, Revisited:

*The Real Ghostbusters - Citizen Ghost: I forgot that the voice of Peter Venkman, on Ghostbusters, is likely the voice of Garfield on his cartoon. Which is funny because the live action characters are voiced by the same guy, too, as we all know.

*Commercial for Crocodile Mile slip n' slide.

*Old foggies stink in an Andy Warhold art style BubbleTape commercial. Those were great.

*In a cyberpunk future tween boys battle it out with a b.b. ammo board game shooter called "Crossfire." I remember plenty of show & tell days where Crossfire was the shit.

*I like the little march the Ghostbusters do during their ticker tape parade

*Kids can't cut loose in the supermarket or the museum, but they can in this Discovery Zone kids play park commercial. Soulless corporate slime-pit, McDonald's has replaced most of these. Now, miserable single moms take their poor brats there and change their dirty diapers on the same tables kids eat their McNuggets on. Fuck society and industry.

*Get a Bart Simpson squeek toy at Burger King

*Rappin' Lego-Maniac ad

*Mouse Trap, from Milton Bradley, where a cartoon alley cat shows up to present kids with one of the most contraption filled board games ever

*An awesome ad where Jesse the body Ventura sells WWF action figures. I wish grown men were still allowed to play with action figures

*Cadillacs & Dinosaurs - Rogue: I forgot about this well animated show with some adult sensibilities that also combines two really cool things. those being the title of the show.

*Cartoon Express where Mr. T. hangs out with the Grape Ape and Pac Man

*"Your gym teacher irons his underwear" adults are weird, chew BubbleTape

*Garfield fruit snacks. You could sell anything with a cartoon spokesman and kids who pitch a fit to their parents in the grocery store if they can't have it, once they see it.

*Shout & Shoot 2 water gun helmet. Voice activated water fights. I'm sure it didn't tear up after the first day. Water and electronics go together so well... I remember when having water fights, in the backyard, seemed so important that toy companies had to keep up with the arms race we kids were racing towards.

*Barney has built a fake time machine from the year 2000 and almost tricks Fred out of his Coco Pebbles. I preferred Fruity.

*One thing missing from watching these cartoons is a bowl of Fruity Pebbles, Lucky Charms, or Cap'n Crunch beside me on the living room floor.

*Marvel's X-Men, for the Sega Genesis, "Welcome to the Next Level."

*If kids ruled the world they'd play b'ball like Michael Jordan, their big brothers would suck up to them, they'd get a billion dollars & have a sports agent, and they'd always eat at McDonalds. "Duh!"

*"In A Minute" USA Network 1989 presents kids trying out tongue twisters like "Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear..." I'm unlocking weird memories of things that I had forgotten like this cute little animated station break from USA that's somewhere in the long lost toy chest recess of my sad adult brain.

*Teenage Mutant Turtles - Enter the Rat King: If April O'Neil were real she would try to further her news career by exposing the Turtles to the world.

*Take a chill pill or stick anchioves in your ears, kids, instead of doing drugs. Partnership for a Drug Free America and stick figure drawn kids.

*2XL battery operated, cassette controlled "intelligent" 80s style robot from Tiger toy electronics. He makes Teddy Rupskin look like Neil Degrasse Tyson (whatever his name is)

*A kid with a bald spot and a beard is tired of stuffy adult dining places and demands to be taken to Chuck E. Cheese

*Dance Party USA, the weekday dance party on "America's favorite network, USA."

*The Dark Knight collection. A kid has every Batman gadget a kid could ask for and his own personal Batcave. I would have killed to have my own personal Batcave when I was 8

*"Tetris & batteries included" Gameboy. Cool teens hanging out in shop class, on the basketball court, everwhere playing their handheld Nintendo "Power to go."

*Captain N, The Game Master - Metroid Sweet Metroid: N, The Game Master is a character from Nintendo's past that they'd like to forget and not celebrate. Same with Lou Albano's version of Mario and the more goofy, talking version of Link from cartoons & CDi games.

*King Hippo's nipples, Eggplant's head, and Mother Brain's lips are all very obscene looking.

*Beetlejuice action figures. Those were some of the better, more weird toys.

*Call a 1 800 number to get a 60 minute vhs tape of Bigfoot monster truck action.

*Crest "Sparklemania" obviously is putting drugs in the toothpaste, because kids are freaking out and taking magical trips through the night sky with animated globs of Crest gel.

*'Milk does a body good' ad. You know the one where the kid grows up to be buff because he or she drank milk. I wonder if they show similar ones to young cows. "Yo, I'm a calf and I'm taking govt. provided hormones so that I can grow up to be a great-big dairy cow!" That was sort of a lame joke. Almost Carlos Mencia bad.

*The Cartoon Express travels away off into the distance to Bruce Springsteen's house. No, kidding. They kept mentioning that that's where it was heading.

3 stars for the Saturday Morning cartoons, 3 stars for the retro ads, and 3 stars for USA network's Cartoon Express bumpers

-----------------------------

The Greatest American Hero: Fire Man *Everyone's favorite marinara, on the show, Michael Pare, gets put put on a hot stove for a bum wrap. The main thing that doesn't hold up, about this episode, is the very dated fire special fx.* close to 3 stars

Gerhard Reinke's America: Arizona *Painted desert highways with a pistol & a singing Billy bass GPS by Gerhard's side.* 2 stars

--- Commander USA's Groovie Movies: Man with the Synthetic Brain

*From beneath a shopping mall in New Jersey, Commander USA. HA! Great location for a hero lair in the 1980s.

*The commander comes out in a trench coat, with his costume underneath. I like it. It's a sleazy way for a hero to dress. He's always smoking a cigar, too. Nice man's man touch.

*He's talking about those hopeful, yet melancholy days after the New Year is rung in. He explains how Auld Lang Syne means 'old long since' in Irish or old English.

*After the commander uses his kazoo to open up the psychotronic movie screen, we get to our flick

*This one stars an old school horror icon, John Carradine, & a Mickey Mouse Club teen from Swiss Family Robinson

*And the groovie movie is photographed in "Chill-O-Rama"

*I know the movie will ultimately be supbar, but I still get good feelings & goose pimple giddy, with nostalgia, watching these old basic cable & UHF B movie features

*A zombie(?) chokes out a hooker(?) & her pusher(?) in an alley. Her death face was so overacted & funny to look at.

*Mickey Mouse Club guy is the detective on the case of the zombie murders. He has gotten worse, actually, as an actor since his days riding ostriches & fighting pirates on tropical islands in Swiss Family Robinson.

*He's also a part of the Danny Bonaduche class of child actors who didn't age well. He looks like he's been through hell. This is the early to mid 70s & his Disney days were just in the 60s, maybe late 50s, I'm thinking. Wow.

*There's a cryptic letter & a head in a box (a killed detective's). I'm guessing this killer is a pre-cursor to the Zodiac & Kevin Spacey in SEVEN.

*"Get your hot roasted peanuts" as a candy striped apron wearing salesman proclaims on an early 20th century hazy memory of beach life on an eastern seaboard boardwalk in a Planters honey roasted peanuts ad.

*The coo coo bird builds a time machine to steal the kids CoCo Puffs. This is the second time machine related cereal theft by cartoon spokesman commercial that I've seen in 24 hrs

*Lee Press On Nails. In 18 colors. Don't nails just make life more difficult? Even if I were a crossdresser, I wouldn't wear nails.

*An 80s mallrat girl thinks her mom was wrong about her big earrings, but mom was right about something (nervous energy) StayFree Maxi Pads for those heavy flow days. Thanks, mom. Now, stop coming in to my room to stare at my Kip Winger poster. He's my man, bitch!

*"Exorcism at Midnight" on USA Saturday Nightmares (looks awesome) & ugly as a man Sandra Bernhardt on Alfred Hitchcock Presents (would still watch it).

*There's nothing to look forward to watching on Saturday night, anymore. Svengoolie, maybe, but he plays the same tame Universal horror & Hammer horror movies that we've all seen way too many times. His act is stale too, but he's likeable, I guess, if you're a babyboom viewer.

*Sophia Loren, her story, on the Nabisco family theater Sunday afternoon on USA. No thanks. I'd leave that to the early birds. I'd still be sleeping off my USA Saturday Nightmares.

*John Carradine is a doctor under suspicion because one patient that he was the coroner over, years earlier & called one of the first casualties of Vietnam, is up & walking around again, out there, killing. It's obvious that Carradine is a mad doctor, because he has a bubbling test tube, for odd unexplained reasons, but the detective hasn't seen enough low grade sci fi & horror to know this is an ominous sign.

*Why did action or fight scenes in the 60s/70s think that karate chops to the neck were believable knock out blows? It'd be more annoying than anything. Painful, sure, but not enough to put a man down. They just look so funny.

*Gloriously unselfaware Twix commercial with a street of kids breaking into a marching band parade over Twix. Much better than the Right Twix vs. Left Twix candy factory ads of today Too self aware like most modern ad companies. It makes the product even more unlikeable

*Square 80s ladies have a roundtable discussion about "So Fine" conditioning mist

*The effects designs, on the movie, are so low budget. The Frankenstein electric chair is made of chords attached to a silver construction worker's helmet.

*Commander USA pokes fun at the mad science hat contraption during his segment.

*Computer graphics medieval dystopia commercial ends with the freedom of the mind that is an exploding volcano & the Scientology best seller ‘Dianetics.’

*Shades wearing Bears QB, McMahon, thinks he's cool, but he's a crybaby when his hoagie doesn't have Miracle Whip mayo. A janitor hears his cries and throws a hail mary of mayo.

*Fergie, Letterman, Tom Cruise, Vanna White, Dr. Seuss, Whitney Houston, Michael Jackson wearing a Groucho Marx disguise. They're all the most interesting people of 1986 according to People Magazine. Such a more innocent time. Don't forget Crocodile Dundee, he was fascinating to 80s yuppies as well. Not a joke. He's also on the cover.

*The 80s had this hazy, maudlin, feel good vibe to even Dimetapp & Metamucil ads.

*Just a sleazy undead crook strangling slutty women in seedy hotels kinda Saturday afternoon movie for the kids, you know.

*Cheerios helps a white knight save a princess from a black knight in a musical ad. Uplifting. Cheerios ads are so depressing now & always about a middle age guy's health & cholesterol.

*Nothing says Mexican like white people singing about & eating Mexican Velveeta cheese.

*’Airwolf’ is high tech & kicks butt. this was already a popular rerun show here in the mid 80s.

*An overtanned blonde bimbo shows up from France saying she heard her father speak to her telepathically while she was in a voodoo sleep trance. Her father was John Carradine & he was just murdered by a zombie. She tells this to Mickey Mouse detective while he over-acts.

*Ah, there's another mad scientist who looks like a dimestore Vincent Price. I guess they couldn't get Vincent for the flick. He's the real villain.

*Commander USA noticed the bimbo & the zombie too.

*"It's hard to hide the kid inside." Talkin' 'bout Santa & his love for oreo cookies

*The honey nut Cheerios bee almost gets murdered by cowboy Black Bart. Just wait, Bee, soon with pesticides we'll make ye extinct.

*A kid pulls home a box of Tide detergent, for mom, through a picturesque 80s suburb. More of that 80s is just like the 50s, according to tv & advertising, theme of the 80s.

*70s thought that frantically playing a pipe organ & bongos meant great suspense music. It didn't & doesn't.

*Wacky 80s robots run on ENERGIZER "It Doo Run Run Run"

*This film can't make up its mind if it wants to be a detective tale, a zombie creeper, a serial killer slasher, a mad science flick, a voodoo or telepathy thriller, a heist / crime picture, or a hostages on the road movie.*

*Commander predicts, via crystal ball, that the Red Sox will almost win the 87 world series and that Vanna White will be nominated to the Supreme Court.

*Commander had his hand pal, Lefty, rammed down his tights during the most tense scene of the movie. A snowy chase through the mountains with killer in hot pursuit.

*Carefree panty liners for a fresher zebra striped bikini

*An aged Lorne Greene talks about Ron Reagan's cutbacks to medicare & how they're costing the sick & poor elderly thousands of dollars.

*Timelapse female zombie transformation with horrid makeup, but forgivable during the finale in the mad science lab.

*Her zombie voice is laughable & terrible. Why is she even talking? zombies don't talk, well, trioxin or Return of the Living Dead ones do, but whatever, Braiiiins... She doesn't say that, but I guess she had to act. Vanity, maybe. Idiotic script, more likely.

*We end with zombie lady crying & taking an antidote while zombie henchman dies licking goo off the floor. Mickey Mouse detective was too late to make any kind of difference.

*Commander USA closes things out by teasing Mickey Mouse cop about his poor acting.

close to 2 stars for the movie, close to 2 1/2 stars for the ads, & more than 2 1/2 stars for the commander

-------------------

Look Around You: Sport *Thank you for showing us your balls. Now try to get it in the hole.* close to 2 1/2 stars

Viper: Wheels of Fire *Crooked, corporate Bryan Cranston character. A revolutionary Tesla type battery with a deadly bidding war going on for it. A reclusive Howard Hughes industrialist/inventor. Long lost prototype Batmobile style car colored fire engine red. A creepy Albino hitman.* between 2 1/2 & 3 stars

Manimal: Breath of the Dragon *Martial arts began by studying animals. Ancient man popped a National Geographic tape into his VCR to do so.* more than 2 1/2 stars

Robocop the series: Ghosts of War *A ragtag group of Universal Soldiers seek vengeance against an evil general who now works for O.C.P. They include a hobo wolfman, a black G.I. Joe (friend from Murphy's childhood), an Asian Joan of Arc, a Indian computer-wiz who dresses like Rick Moranis in Spaceballs. The show tries to force Punky Brewster into scenes, again. She's annoying & unnecessary.* 2 stars

--- Everything Is Terrible:

*Enhance Your Memory With Murderous Bloodlust: American Psycho Patrick Bateman has a poor poker face.* 3 stars

*Going For It!: Commies skateboard. So, like you want them to be more free than you, brah!? Didn't think so, dude.* close to 2 stars

*So You Moved To Paducah...: Only thing to do here is to visit the Quilters Society of America museum again & again & again.* 3 stars

*Rush Limbaugh Sure Is Funny: Comedy night at Jabba the Hutt's palace.* 1 star

*The Lil' Singing Demon Baby!: The spawn of Lucifer is a little boy version of Shirley Temple. Of course he would arrive on earth in Branson, Missouri.*              3 stars

-------------------------

Cannon group presents America 3000 (1986) *The one thing Road Warrior needed was Wonder Years style narration. I think the members of No Ma'am (Al Bundy's woman hating group) saw this movie instead of Mad Max: Fury Road. That's why they were so upset. Much more reverse sexism here.* 3 thousand stars

Rescue 911 w/ William Shatner: Softball Hit *A little girl gets a head injury, has a seizure, then precious seconds tick away in the era before cell phones because I guess there were no payphones on this little league sports field. Youth sports injuries weren't taken as serious in this era either. It was the whole "Walk it off" time period. So maybe that's why 911 wasn't called sooner.* 2 stars

--- Memory Hole:

*Death Of Strength: Guillotine of greatness, in a garage, captured on camcorder.* 1 star

*See The Macaroni: String theory or unsatisfactory service.* 2 stars

*The Ballad Of Tony Jones: "Mommy, what does doomed mean?" It means what happens when you destroy your white trash girlfriend's ceiling after sitting your fat ass in her sex swing.* 3 stars

*Piglet: You reap what you sow (noun).* close to 3 stars

*Just Do It Adult Diaper: Is that a swoosh on your bottom or do you need changing?* close to 2 stars

----------------------

--- MTV's Oddville (1997?)

*MTV had to Gen-x up Beyond Vaudeville, from its public access days, & put a pretty co-host with Frank to take the attention away from his weird, silent (often violent) sidekick.

*Nancy Giles is a nice lady, but not the most interesting guest. She's like PBS news hosts. Respectable, but not entertaining. She thinks talking about how weird the sidekick is & being a fan of Howard Stern will get her over. She does an imitation of a cat choking on a hairball. That's odd enough, I guess.

*Mr. Stanless Steel is a meathead who lifts 600lbs slightly off the ground using only one finger. Impressive, yet also idiotic.

*"Mind over matter," he says as he squeezes an unopen can to smithereens. Mind, remember, not steroids. He rocks about the floor trying to look intimidating & deep.

*Very confusing Levis jeans commercial. It starts off with a cowboy hat wearing Gen X hip dude driving the desert listening to yodeling from Mars Attacks & Slim Whitman. He stops at a local western watering hole where a hipster black dude is a turntables mixing dj. He passes him a stuffed dinosaur before the black dude gets on a greyhound leaving town. Bus stops in the big city, but a new girl gets off holding the dino. A European model looks at her as she walks on. The model is ordering a hotdog from a vendor. What any of that had to do with jeans, other than the close ups of asses, is beyond me.

*Self aware commercial whore Dennis Miller is on a fake talk show ad interviewing the cgi M&Ms. Miller lost all his Hollywood street cred when he started hangin’ out on Fox News. He doesn’t give a shit about being a shitlib so he lost his Hollywood friends.

*Epic cgi ad for the Playstation classic Final Fantasy 7.

*Phil Hartman isn't murdered yet in this college class lecture ad about collect calls.

*The clerk at Footlocker is having a hard time believing that Joe Namath is making an NFL comeback in a nike ad

*It's Virtual Insanity, the music video, when Chris Rock hosts the Video Music Awards

*I think it was the one where Puff Daddy teamed with Sting to make an annoying, overplayed song even worse.

*"The world's fastest painter" comes out & does a Bob Ross quickie while rambling in a Polish accent.

*A black guy in black & yellow stripes, including his Dr. Seuss Hat, comes out to pop & lock dance to Salt & Pepa's "Push It"

*Igia hair removal system ad where the device damages your skin cells, but it's cool 'cause no more chin whiskers for mom

*Technology... multimedia... CD-Rom software games... "You need Art Institute."

*Not Carl Winslow, but close, says "Open a box. Any box." Make it a Blockbuster Night

*"Talk to the hand." quote & hand motion from slumming it actor Timothy Dalton in a movie with Fran Drescher. The days where the general public had to endure her are long gone. Not counting easily avoided reruns of The Nanny

*On an snowy special ops mission (I'm sure those happen often) "Be all that you can be" (including maimed or killed) in the Army (after that, who knows? possibly a homeless vet)

*"What is Mtn. Dew?" from this ad, I take it has something to do with a green drink that makes you scream hysterically while performing idiotic x-treme sports

*A small woman, with a shaved head, comes out doing yoga to industrial techno. Followed by very late & nervous applause.

*A little girl comes out blowing up a balloon using only her nose.

*A generic alternative rock band, like the countless others on MTV at the time, comes out to perform. They don't hold a candle to any of the weird musical acts from the Beyond Vaudeville days.

*Guests are having a dance party. This show is as edgy, or as interesting for that matter, as Snick's "All That" of the same time period. Lame, as Gen-X would say.

*Well, MTV took a quirky public access show & stripped all the life out of it to make it another corporate product.

1 star for the Odd, 1 1/2 stars for most of the ads (thanks to M&M's & Miller), between 1 1/2 & 2 stars for the guests

----------------------

"The Summer of Rave 1989" BBC *In Margaret Thatcher's England, a new era of hippies & yuppies collide.*

3 stars

"Lost Purity" (video mixtape) *Adjust the tracking on your squeam.* between 2 1/2 & 3 stars

--- Found Footage Fest:

*Life Is For Living: Safety first or kiss leisure goodbye.* 3 stars

*Michael Finney's Spencer Gifts Speech: Hack comedy & gag novelty.* close to 3 stars

*Silent Partners - Shoplifting: If you see somebody walk into your store, become overly suspicious.* 2 1/2 stars

*VCR Games: Make haste & pray constantly that you don't have a Klingon overlord or be forced to endure Rich Little's awful family fun night comedy.* 3 stars

*Uh-Huh!: Either the Kenny Loggins or the Ray Stevens of polite Christian pop comedy & a fan of wearing tan leotards while juggling foam balls.* 3 stars

------------------------

Rescue 911 w/ Shatner: Accidental Hanging *Darwin Awards & wasting time dialing for help. Or hero boy with a hatchet.*

2 stars

A Haunting: Echoes of the Past *A New England family move into a historic Civil War era home. Soon they are bothered by faeries claiming to live in under a tree in the backyard who also claim to have died in a fire. The family are aided by a team of pretentious Wiccans in sending all the home's spirits to a magical place in the west called the "Summer Lands."* between 2 & 2 1/2 stars

Gerhard Reinke's America: Quebec, Canada *"Beaver fever, catch it." "Be patient." "My God, it's magnificent." (A platypus.)* 3 stars

Kingdom Hospital: Ep. 11 *Doctors without borders & tuned into a different frequency.* 2 1/2 stars

Farscape: Hidden Memory *Espionage & clouded minds in a Nazi style experimentation lab. Followed by a Caesarean--section for a baby battleship. Farewell to a sweet-lipped deus ex machina (sorta deus...)* close to 3 stars

Forever Knight: False Witness *Sleazier than a white lie.* 2 1/2 stars

Penn & Teller - Bullshit!: Ghostbusters *Begin by having come to a conclusion that ghosts exists no matter what you find to prove different, soak the scene with sepia or nightvision, get out the pseudo scientific gear & have it activated with its nonsensical readings of supposed supernatural phenomena, & the bullshit has long since already began.* 3 stars

Jake Byrd on Black Friday *Great deals is gravy.* close to 3 stars

Classic Comedy Central: The Buttafuoco Song *I really really wish I never heard of...* either 1 star for Joey or 3 for Comedy Central

WCW Superstars on Politically Incorrect w/ Bill Maher (1999?) *A lot of aggression taken out in a discussion forum.* either 1 star or close to 2 stars

VH1 Classic Pop Up Video: Alanis Morissette - "You Learn" *The video took 23 hours to film in 10 degree weather. The video is 4 minutes long. Her hair (dreadlocks) took 5 hours to style. A number of jacket changes were used by Alanis in the video. The theme: who knows if any of us get any wiser during the average lifetime.* 2 1/2 stars w/ pop ups 2 stars w/out (I forgot how much I like her voice, pretty face & lyrics & easy to digest, for the most part, music. Mood & opinion on her music are subject to change. I have, in the past, wanted to poke my eyeballs & eardrums out when her "Ironic" video came on MTV for the 1000th time.)

Public Access TV: "Robin's Safe Sex Lesson - Dental Dam Use" *The setting is the height of the AIDS epidemic. Sexually active folk are still confused to the spread of disease & the practice of safe sex. A sex worker, possibly, has her ownlocal city tv show to inform them how to snip an ordinary condom into use for performing oral sex on a female so as to not spread infectious diseases. She almost is a trainwreck but not enough for any legit comedy, only curiosity.* 2 stars (3 for the info for the time)

"Sam Kinison - Family Entertainment Hour" *This might be comedy blasphemy, but Larry the Cable Guy is as popular as Sam Kinison was. Both have a similar rowdiness & offensiveness in the connect with their audience. Larry, however, has neither a spine nor a soul.* between 2 1/2 & 3 stars

Literal Videos: Air Supply - Making Love Out of Nothing at All *"I don't want to seem them naked." I don't want to hear their soft rock.* 2 1/2 stars literal or 1 star actual

---- SCTV - Midnight Special:

*An all white (never seen before) scat singing choir conducted by Eugene Levy To see them live in concert, "Phone your nearest Republican." HA!

*Rick Moranis impersonates a cranky David Brinkley editorial.

*David Thomas & Catherine O'Hara are phone commercial lawyers (& possibly married lawyers) not helping an arguing married couple out very much in their disputes.

*Rick Moranis impersonates a radio dj becoming a video vj in this transitional time period between radio music & video music outlets.

*Followed by a Talking Heads video "Once in a Lifetime"

*A very politically incorrect (when you still could be before the p.c. police) & somewhat funny live feed from a Japanese parody vj

*Followed by a cool music video by hip & quirky Japanese band The Plastics. So, that does in a way cancel out the casual racism.

*SCTV starts the tech war between Japan & the U.S. in a funny skit.

*The real enemy, however, is Russian t.v. and Good Day Moscow

*Exploitation a plenty in a fake ad for a late night pajama party t.v. show on SCTV

*John Candy is the Hugh Hefner smoking jacket wearing host of the all girl pajama party Complete with creepy guy climbing in the window using a ladder. ha

*Candy tries to explain the show is empowering to women, but a prudish sexologist hijacks the feed to talk about how it's sexist.

*John Candy is back again, this time as a sportsman in an ammo ad. He sports a beard & hunts ducks. Hmmm... He remains likeable while other bearded duckhunters that I won't mention still remain hateable. Much focus is put on the cleavage of his buxom buddy that he's hunting with. She's female.

*A punk dyke delivery chick brings pizza & starts a catfight which the sexologist reveals is more of Candy's libido problems.

*Thankfully, the "menopausal" femi-nazi is interrupted by a male chauvinist fan of the pajama party.

*It's bedtime & Candy has to toss the old geezer, kicking & screaming, out the window.

*Al's Garage "Anytime At All." He has a naughty pinup calendar & he smokes cigars.

*Feminists have protest signs outside SCTV's studio & chase Candy to his limo

*Poindexter, investigative reporter (played by Eugene Levy) gets up close & a little too personal exploring singles bars.

*Monster Chiller Horror Theater with a howling Count Floyd

*The featured flick is Bloodsucking Monkeys from West Mifland, Pennsylvania

*Wink, wink. There's no movie. But Count promises that it was scary & describes it. It's just as good as Alien, he claims.

*Great White North wants to talk about Nasa's tools & beer, ay.

*SCTV has Hitchcock presents in late night. So, they're like MeTV or AntennaTV on current cable.

*A parody of Kirk Douglas in "Lust for Life" in the SCTV vault classic "Lust for Paint"

*Catherine O'Hara shows off some sexy cleavage & gets offered to be painted nude as she plays a bar beauty of the 19th century. The mom from Home Alone was sexy back in the day.

*Fish Police. An early reality show that's just as absurd as the 90s hit COPS.

*France was filled with great artists in the 19th century & possibly they were all gay according to SCTV

*Harold Raimis cameo as a waiter.

*Rick Moranis sells ridiculous logos.

*John Candy is an angry Babe Ruth in the wrong time period. Candy lost out on the role to Goodman years later. Not really, but really.

*Candy does a decent Hitchcock impersonation as well. Also Curly Howard.

3 stars

------------------------

"Let's Paint TV's Last Cable Access Show" 2008 *A weirdo in a dirty & disheveled business suit runs a treadmill while horribly painting, taking live prank calls, & talking to a Swedish barmaid mixing things up in a blender.* between 1 1/2 & 2 stars

--- TV Carnage:

*I Hate My Kids: Brats are birth control. The only time Fox News will ever be pro choice.*  2 stars

*Lurking Danger: The fish land right in the boat & land you right in the hospital. Tonight, in our Lurking Danger special report. This is CNN.* 2 stars

*Making The Grade: Solve my equation, again, & I'll slit your throat.* 2 1/2 stars

*Phonebooth Funnys!: Coed improv in tight spaces. It's not what you think, you pervert.*  either 1 star or close to 2 1/2 stars

*Reaching For The Light: Orgy of the first class.* 2 stars

-------------

Mystery Science Theater 3000 - K19: Hangar 18 *Having NASA accidentally cause a UFO to crash, in the desert, is "the best thing since sliced computer" only it hurts the UFO denying crooked President's chances for re-election & they'll need a shady coverup.* between 2 1/2 & 3 stars w/ riffing & 2 w/out

"Ten Forward Crank Calls" *"Brain cells are sucked into a blackhole" & four letter words fly into the phone lines for a chubby Star Trek fan's Trekkie talk show.* 1 star

Beavis & Butthead: Sausage - Riddles Are Abound Tonight *"The Seminiferous Tube-loidial Buttnoids have left my pants" or "turds can see in the dark, like bats."* 2 1/2 stars w/ riff 2 w/out

--- Monstervision w/ Joe Bob Briggs: Wes Craven's Deadly Friend (1986):

*Joe Bob says this flick is the Breakfast Club version of Bride of Frankenstein

*Drive-In Totals... 6 dead bodies... 7 gallons blood (some spurting w/ 3 bloody noses)... exploding head.. head disguised as basketball... exploding robot... father charbroiling..gratuitous brain surgery... incest fu...

*Joe Bob wants to get biblical w/ Krisy Swanson but thinks better of it because of Alan Thicke

*You know that you're in for a horror funride when the first on screen creature (robot) attack is against a sleazy redneck

*80s robots were great. This one even sees in Sega CD vision. All pixelated.

*In my opinion, this flick is also like Zapped meets Frankenhooker

*It's a wacky neighborhood when the old bat from Throw Mama from the Train is a shotgun wielding crazy lady living behind a locked fence.

*A robot's first reaction to seeing douchebags on dirtbikes is to vice grip their testicles. Can we unleash robots on Rob Dyrdek's Fantasy Factory?

*The schmaltzy TNT voiceover for drama guy lays the sap on thick for TNT's big network premier for Gilbert Grape.

*Rockapella sing us a Folgers "Best part of wakin' up" mornin' tune. I can't drink the coffee for the vomit in my mouth.

*Snuggles, the fabric softener bear, is taking a stroll through a forest filled with cute animals. Real animals. Snuggles is a nightmare creature created out of industrial chemicals & soulless corporate greed. He's unnatural. An abomination of cuddliness.

*Joe Bob hates cute robots, Star Trek conventions, & Little House on the Prairie.

*The "Stand your ground" law triumphs again & the robot menace is toasted, for now.

*Quirky "life is ugly, you betcha" comedy approaching horror Fargo on TNT is sponsored by SEARS & no irony is seen in that. I don't think, by TNT or SEARS.

*Sprint commercial featuring Fall scenery. This episode of Monstervision is late 90s. The late 90s had a real Autumn vibe to a lot of things. Dawson's Creek, Scream & I Know What You Did Last Summer, Marcy Playground's Sex & Candy, Duncan Sheik, Eagle Eye Cherry, GooGoo Dolls, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Charmed, "Sunny Came Home," "Where Have All the Cowboys Gone," Jewel, Barenaked Ladies, Halloween H20... All of 'em & many more

*Firefighters prefer Yukon sport utility vehicles & the Energizer Bunny outruns a Hummer filled with a reject A-Team. Absurdity & the beginning of America's obsession with big ass family tanks that would dominate the roads post-2000

*Hope Floats on VHS. Turds float too. & the turd that is Hope Floats on VHS is out there floating around at plenty of 50 something year old women yardsales across the the cowboy states of America

*"Mom's like you choose Jiff" & dad's like Bob Villa choose tools from SEARS. Don't not be how corporate America assumes you to be. Buy these creamy peanut dips & wrenches

*Burt Reynolds must have been buddies w/ Ted Turner. Ted sure had his movies played alot on TBS & TNT. Burt was popular. No doubt. Burt even had alot of generic made for TNT movies in the late 90s. I can understand the demand for Smoky & the Bandit & others, but not the made for TNT shit.

*Jack Palance in a western version of A Christmas Carol. Another made for TNT movie. & Lifetime + Hallmark have made me hate made for tv Christmas movies, but how could you not like the idea of a forgotten Jack Palance Christmas flick?

*The parents from Happy Days are slumming in a collect calls commercial.

*Paul Hogan was still an action comedy hero in the late 90s. Only he was doing it in Subaru ads. This one he's in disguise / drag wearing the mask of a woman. Unintentionally creepy.

*Essence of Emeril... Emeril Live... I'll never get the fascination w/ over the top food chefs & their tv shows.

*Grace Jones in an ad for TBS Superstation's 15 nights of Bond movies. I guess she was easy to get being a D-list celebrity & all after the 80s.

*Paul Reiser is in a bookstore explaining internet for new users / dummies using AT&T Worldnet. At least it's not an ad for America Online.

*Joe Bob says TNT censors won't allow exploding heads by basketball decapitation because idiots in Florida will try it & congress will go crazy.

*Hendrix has only one burning desire. Let him stand next to your Pontiac Sunfire. He doesn't really want to do that. He's dead, like Kristy Swanson, in this Monstervision movie. But in this soulless & artsy Pontiac commercial where yuppies are escaping a cityscape dystopia in their Sunfire, listening to Hendrix, he does.

*NFL moms of big, mean linebackers sure are funny. Thanks, Campbell's chunk soups ads for making me endure the meaty veggie soupy sacky mommy comedy.

*There's a "Bob Fest" in Colorado every year, where all Bobs in the world can attend. Bob Dole will be there. Bring your Pentax film camera.

*"Relax, Go Nuts" with Planters & a wacky beaver on a camping trip. I hope some idiot saw this & lost a finger or two trying to feed a Planters peanut to a beaver or a badger.

*"Rowdy" Roddy Piper is on the set of Burt's old guy cop action made for TNT tv movie. He's talking about the need for aspirin on the set, for the old guys, in this sneak peek.

*Joe Bob wants to know why Kristy Swanson is looking more supermodel than zombie

*The shoot first ask questions later cops put an end to cyborg/undead Kristy Swanson's reign of terror.

2 1/2 stars for the confused flick close to 3 for Joe Bob & between 1 1/2 & 2 for TNT & their ads

--------------------------

Classic Comedy Central: Penn Jillette promotes Earth Girls Are Easy *He makes it seem like it wouldn't be a waste of an afternoon.* close to 3 stars

Fred Olen Ray's "Cyclone" 1987 *Everyone's favorite genre movie mad scientist, Jeffrey Combs (Re-Animator), was working on a super-motorcycle more high tech than an F-16 jet. When he's assassinated, on a punk rock dance floor, via a tech conspiracy, his 80s blonde bombshell girlfriend has to take over safeguarding the project from falling into the wrong hands. The whole thing drips with so much 80s goodness, one would swear it was a modern day homage.* close to 3 stars

Flaccid Ego Psychic Reading Call In Show *"This is not a bodega, honey." There's a correlation between how far someone's head is tilted back as they're talking & the amount of shit that they give. The further back, the less shit given.* either zero or 2 1/2 stars (for a second)

"Amok Assault Video" *"An open keyhole policy" to mass hypnosis & mass halitosis.* close to 3 stars

Rescue 911 w/ Shatner: Brave Dog vs. Rattlesnake *The dog, Lady, was a terrible actress during the re-enactments. She did well during the fight with the snake, but she broke character & smiled too much during the vet E.R. part .She needs to take acting lessons from Shatner.*

2 stars

Penn & Teller Bullshit!: Self Helpless *There's a sucker "re-born" every minute.* 3 stars

Jake Byrd Goes Tea Bagging *"We're a little Tea Party, short & stout, when we get all steamed up hear us shout 'No more taxes, get the immigrant out!'"* 2 1/2 stars

--- Phone Losers:

*Tenants From Hell - Striking Oil: Crude & deluded.* close to 2 1/2 stars

*Carlito the Perverted Janitor - Bank Customers: Good loan agents love to kiss & tell.* 2 1/2 stars

*Home Security - Hidden Cameras: I don't want home security watching over me while I pee.* close to 2 1/2 stars

*Homeowners Association - Naked People: Old, black couples don't have sex. Yeah, right.* 2 1/2 stars

---------------------

Goth Public Access Channel (youtube) *"It's no fun being dead. Enough has been said." So why the morbid fixation?*

1 star

--- USA Up All Night w/ Rhonda Shear: Jason Takes Manhattan & Fortress of Amerikkka

*Rhonda is in an S&M shop with a gimp.

*Louis Gossett Jr. is an Olympic coach in a USA original movie. He's not the first actor that I would think of for a role like that. But maybe he's the most badass.

*Painful rectal burning? Admit you have it & get Preparation H. Doctors' orders.

*Trading erotic voicemails with "Girls of Paradise" seems like a one way street. A horny moron calls in a 1 800 number to nervously drool over his love for T & A, the voice model makes only one recording for any & every guy who calls in.

*Go back in time to when you weren't old & too feeble to open the mayo jar. If you believe that & buy our pain relieving cream, we also have ocean front property in [insert cliche dry state here]

*Couch fishin for loose change to buy extra Pop Tarts. Not me, the guy in the Kellogg's ad

*Pacific Blue, USA networks lame bicycle beach cops show from the late 90s. They recognize how boring being a beach cop must be, so they spice it up with a special west coast loco gangbangers episode.

*Big Easy. A sleazy, but probably all too tame show about New Orleans on USA network. Can't think of original programming? Exploit a city's reputation.

*Rhonda has an oversized spiked dog collar put on a poindexter

*Win a Nintendo 64 block party (sounds like it could have been fun) via Kellogg's & Kmart

*A kid in a "No Fear" t-shirt visits his square dad's Rent-A-Center style store in an ad

*Don't talk to your kids about the dangers of sniffing to get high, & wind up feeding soup to your newly vegetable loved one. I always preferred that trippy drowning anti-sniffing ad from the same time period.

*"Had a hard day?" "Talk to some of the most exotic women in the world." the world = Tampa, Florida. Some of the most exotic = ordinary skanks.

*What does chomping into a Nestle's Crunch sound like? This ad swears it sounds like a pink Cadillac convertible, filled with lightbulbs, falling off of a tall building. I think Elvis just cried. Not sure which he cried for: the pink Cadillac or the candy bar.

*Private eye James Belushi is following around split personality Linda Blair who hired him to follow herself around. Looks sleazy & potentially good.

*Rhonda dons kinky boots, leather, & a gay man's biker's hat in a black & white moving photo hanging on the wall. Sounded like maybe Velvet Underground was playing in the background as well.

*It's okay to be like your mom. You're closer to 40 than 20 & it has a sickly brown colored candy coating. Oh, what am I talking about, you ask, it's Advil.

*If you ever see a whitebread goodlooking man or woman sitting on a New England beach or pier during a windy day, do not approach. They may look harmless, but they're usually filming an embarrassing human condition commercial.

*Diamond studded sex handcuffs. Nice. But why is Rhonda being so camera shy? Was she burntout with the show by this point, five or six years into its run.

*Bill Cosby's former tv wife, the one that he doesn't cheat on by serving PM cold medicine to ugly white women, is in an argument with her much better looking & non-raping actual husband about Pop-Secret popcorn.

*Cable in the classroom provides a parent's guide to the information superhighway that is cable tv

*"Someone out there knows what I'm going through." somewhere out there in psychic phone network mystery world that is

*Bonkers for Babies! & Animal Bloopers on Zoo Life Video. Jack Hanna (the animal guy from Carson, Leno, Letterman) believes that "Animals Do Feel Love." They also have a funny bone, and it's used for more than just Chinese medicine.

*Zipper crotches on leather lingerie wearing limbless & headless mannequins & more Rhonda voice-over work

*Archie Bunker's real life son died from drugs. Maybe he should have spent more time with him instead of arguing with Meathead.

*Rhonda finally makes an on camera appearance with poindexter in the adult video section of the sex shoppe

*"Virtual reality bites" have a Butterfinger Blast. Blood sugar induced hallucinations?

* 1 800 number for a TimeLife coffee table book on "how To fix" home remodeling & repairs. For only 3 easy payments of 9.99. Pretty steep if you think in 20tens terms & how easy it is to just go online & find the same info, but this is 1996 or 7, here, in the ad.

*Going back in time from 97 to 92, Rhonda is at the WBF World Fitness Expo doing a bit of cute jogging in place.

*Rhonda sings the theme song from Fortress of Amerikkka.

*Rhonda tells fat jokes about Roseanne. Roseanne probably hated Rhonda. Tom Arnold probably loved her.

*Rhonda flirts with a WBF bodybuilder / foreign accent guy whose thighs are bigger than Rhonda's waist

*Rhonda gets the bodybuilding champ to take off his shirt. He probably was having a panic attack just by wearing it anyway. Meatheads & shirts don't get along.

*Rhonda's hormones are out of whack here & the bodybuilders' steroid use as well.

*An Amazon chick shows up to tell how this fitness expo ain't no beauty pageant

*A mullet-haired meathead talks about bringing rock & roll fire into his bodybuilding expo routine. Thankfully, rock & roll died a long time before this. It's just corpse abuse.

*Rhonda tries to find out how much moolah an 80s-RickJames-pimp-looking black Hercules has won from the competition. He pulls out a check from his fanny pack. Fanny packs are very manly.

*World's Strongest Samoan pauses from picking up sedans to lift Rhonda up into the air by her butt

*Troma presents Fortress of Amerikkka!: In the cruel absurdity of Amerikkka, human life is worthless.

2 stars for the sex shoppe, 2 stars for the ads, 1 star for the body building expo, 2 1/2 stars for Rhonda, either 1 or close to 2 1/2 stars for Jason 8 (for the countless time on basic cable & mostly bloodless), & more than 2 1/2 stars for Amerikkka!

-----------------------

Troma presents "Lust For Freedom" *Troma tries their hand at the exploitation genre staple of women in a private prison hell. Highlights include a big mean looking Indian with a scarred face that drives around a black van across the desert & kidnaps women for the prison. He's like something out of a Jim Morrison song & he looks like the creepy brother of Bob from Twin Peaks. Another trashy fun part of the movie involves prison lady badasses in wrestling matches to the death. Plus there's an 80s hard rock soundtrack including the song "Rock You To Hell."* 3 stars

Beavis & Butthead: Sugartooth - Sold My Fortune *The boys mistake the word fortune for futon, and ponder why selling a futon would cause so many fights at the Sugartooth concert. Also, Beavis is intimidated by Urkel's size.* close to 3 stars with riffing 2 w/out

Kung Fu: Sun & Cloud Shadow *The path of peace is blocked by a mountain.* close to 3 stars

From Dusk Till Dawn: Place Of Dead Roads *The last stop before hell is a cafe, belonging to a cartel, serving plenty of coochie.* 2 1/2 stars

Public Access TV Gold - Don't You Want To Save Our Planet? *Fast Times Sean Penn look-a-like is for real about his love for his fellow parasite man. Vocal solo.* 3 stars

--- Dead Comics Society --- Commercial Breaks (1991):

*McHale's Navy every weeknight at 5 on the Comedy Channel. In color too. Antenna tv or MeTV shows this too, but in black & white.

*An ad for Billy Crystal's City Slickers. One of comedy's own was a blockbuster star still at this point.

*Coast bar soap ad where a "Thinking Man" bronze statue takes a refreshing bath in the rain.

*As seen on tv "No More Runs" panty hose w/ smart nylon. Run a nail file or a chainsaw right down the leg. Do not attempt while wearing, ladies

*Plenty of Stand Up comedy back in the day on comedy channels. Robin Williams, Jerry Seinfeld, Paul Poundstone, Howie Mandel, Carlin, pretty much all of the recognizable faces. And not just a weekend special like Comedy Central, these days. Stand up comedy was pretty much the face of the network.

*Jack Benny is creeped out by a kid wearing an ole timey clown mask. He's speechless, or once. Another show too old for current Comedy Central. One day Southpark will be on a TVLand type network & kids will get a weird feeling seeing how antique it looks. Much like seeing this clip of Jack Benny would make Comedy Central's current audience feel.

*KC Bold is like fireworks in one's mouth. It's important to always see the inventor of the baked beans or the bbq sauce or the George Foreman grill to know that the product / meal will be satisfactory. Did George actually invent that sidways waffle iron & grease trough?

*Devry with their 9 locations, in 1991, will teach you the tech knowledge that you need to succeed. Having a neatly trimmed little mustache is up to you.

*Ah, hah hah! The classic & unintentionally funny Suzanne Summers "Thigh Master" ad. She is so smiley while squeezing her crotch muscles. & just like the "Shake Weight," seeing a guy use it is just as amusingly awkward.

*Two Drink Minimum. A self aware title for another all stand up comedy show on the network. This one only has B to C list comics like 'The Amazing Jonathan"

*Alan King's "Inside the Comedy Mind" w/ such guests as the eccentric Steven Wright. We're too post-modern for something like this now. Inside the comedy mind? How lame, turn it on Louis CK's FX show or bring up a FunnyOrDie video. Alan King's "Inside the Comedy Mind" is no Zack Galifianakis' "Between Two Ferns." #hastag #hipster

*A middle America housewife is tired of having tried every diet from the "celebrity" to the "grapefruit." Her doctor finally puts her on some Medifast diet (we know it worked because obesity was cured & Medifast is currently the largest corporate brand of all time). She makes up for the weight loss by wearing oversized glasses & a lady business suit with shoulderpads larger than a NFL linebacker's.

*One of those classic scrolling certificate degrees from home ads. Learn everything from "gun repair" (only in America) or vcr repair (hopefully whoever took that is retired by now & not jobless).

*Short Attention Span Theater hosted by a very young Jon Stewart. This was before talking to cabinet secretaries & skewering political mishaps, for close to two decades, sucked all the life out of him.

*The very vintage Steve Allen Show weekdays on the Comedy Channel. Another show that deserves to still be on a classic channel somewhere. This clip had one of the first tv appearances of Elvis. How many viewers of current culture even care about or know whoElvis is, much less Steve Allen? Very few.

more than 2 1/2 stars

------------------------------

"V The Hot One" ---xxx--- (1977) *An example of how the fantasy in pornography is so different from reality: Valerie "V" asks her husband if he's ever been with a whore. (she's curious about whores) He says that he was with many when he was younger. (He then tells a digusting experience.) She's even more curious. (In reality the woman would be furious or detested with him.) Here, Valerie has spent a lifetime giving in to her whorish impulses.* 2 1/2(maybe classic)

"Tickle the Ivories w/ Janis Wolfe (Bad Public Access Show) *A very plain (& refreshingly un-self-aware) woman plays piano & reads psalms.* 1 star

"Topless Anti-Fashion" (DDTV San Francisco Public Access 1995) *A Lil' Kim look-a-like exposes painted nipples in what seems like a real life version of something Damon Wayans would parody on In Living Color.* 2 stars

Jake Byrd: Sara Palin Superfan (2008) *Bend over & grab your Arab ankles (Hussein Obama) or love Alaskan beaver (Palin Power).*  3 stars

Mr. Plinkett's Cop Dog Review *Put a dog on the cover of the dvd & dumb parents will rent it for their kids. Even though the dog commits suicide halfway in & becomes a ghost dog.* 0 for Cop Dog & 3 for Plinkett

"Best of The New Tom Green Show" (2003) *Short lived talk show that captured the same kind of crappy hip young adult audience NBC's Jimmy Fallon would a decade later. Also another attempt by MTV to tame & market a cult & avant garde artist (idiot?) to the American public (about as successful as his first MTV show in 1999 & his box office bomb of a movie "Freddy Got Fingered" 2001?).* 2 stars

Robin Williams - Improv with The Second City *Robin could improve any "hellhole."* close to 2 1/2 (would be more if it were recorded professionally instead of by an audience member, in the back row, with a cheap camcorder)

"Satarded Satanic Panic" (youtube) *Before she became a high priestess in the corporate church of the global economy, Oprah bought in to the goofy fearmongering going on in the Reagan years. Either a nutbag or a decoy evangelical pretending to be a reformed participant in a unbelievably ridiculous occult sacrifice story has Oprah taking his side over the more logical minded, yet still pretentious within his constitutional religious rights, devil-worshipper.* 1 star

Penn & Teller Bullshit!: Alien Abductions & End of the World *These crazies are actual doctors & best selling authors. Meanwhile, I'm not prepping for doomsday & I have no repressed memories of being probed. On top of that, I'm flat broke & live off of a diet of mostly beans while hardly leaving my house. I'm not paranoid, just lazy & unmotivated. I'd rather not survive an apocalypse or fly away w/ little green men.* 3 stars

Weird Al Yankovic: Headline News *Tru Al TV presents World's Dumbest Musical (Criminals).* close to 3 stars

Uncharted Zone: Ken Manning - Gulf Breeze UFO *Lookin' for a lost shaker of Martian salt.* between 2 & 2 1/2 stars

5 Dollar Wrestling: Next 5 Dollar Wrestling Superstar, Jimmy the Snake Roberts *DDT stands for "drop dead twice."* close to 3 stars

Vh1 Classic Pop Up Video: Latoya Jackson - Heart Don't Lie *The black sheep of the Jacksons in a video all about puppy love.* close to 2 stars w/ pop ups & 1/2 a star w/out

"Pauly's Totally Buff Special" *MTV's "The Weasel" Pauly Shore butchers the English/Spanish/human language drooling the international language of love (lust) over California bimbos.* either 1 star or close to 2 1/2 stars (for an idiot time capsule)

"Alien Lust" ---xxx--- 1985 *"A story of bizarro desires!" Nothing too out of this world, except for maybe the corny cartoon alien penis monster sex scene finale.* close to 2 stars or mostly 1/2 a star

X Files: The Erlenmeyer Flask *The hybrids fall from Olympus. The finale of the "Deep Throat" story arc.*

3 stars

Tales from the Crypt: Collection Completed *Grumpy bulldog M. Emmett Walsh begins his retirement by outcrazying his animal hoarding, eccentric wife when he uses taxidermy on all her beloved pets.* 3 stars

Harvey Keitel in "Corrupt" *"The public seek the police in order to be punished for their illicit desires." Johnny Rotten & Harvey make a cerebral odd couple.* close to 3 stars

[strivesy]

Computer Science Teaching Tips

Alfred Thompson on Episode 182 of the 10-Minute Teacher show

From the Cool Cat Teacher Blog by Vicki Davis

Follow @coolcatteacher on Twitter

Alfred Thompson talks about the trends in teaching Computer Science. Topics include:

How to get kids moving as you teach programming

What happens when a school has every student learn Computer Science

How to engage young women in Computer Science Programming

Today’s Sponsor: WriQ from Texthelp is a new FREE Add-on for Google Docs that helps teachers easily assess student writing and track progress over time by automatically scoring students’ spelling, punctuation, and grammar errors. It also incorporates rubrics so teachers can provide meaningful, qualitative feedback to encourage the writing journey.

This handy free Google Docs add-on tracks things like: time spent writing, spelling-grammar-and punctuation error rates and pulls it into a clear graphical view in your teacher dashboard. To learn more about Wriq go to http://ift.tt/2y91EpU

Listen Now

Listen to the show on iTunes or Stitcher

Stream by clicking here.

Below is an enhanced transcript, modified for your reading pleasure. For guests and hyperlinks to resources, scroll down.

***

Enhanced Transcript

Computer Science Teaching Tips

Link to show: http://ift.tt/2z2U7t5 Date: Tuesday, November 7, 2017

Vicki: Today we’re taking a trip into one of my favorite Computer Science teachers’ classroom, Alfred Thompson @alfredtwo I feel like I’ve known Alfred forever. He is not only a national and international voice for computer science education, but he teaches in the classroom.

So Alfred, tell us about your classroom. What do you teach, and what’s your philosophy of teaching computer science?

Philosophy of Teaching Computer Science

Alfred: We actually have a series of computer science classes in my school. Pretty much all of our freshmen take a course we call “Explorations in Computer Science.” It’s a one-semester course. We focus really on concepts, giving them vocabulary, helping them understand the role of computers in the classroom, and we also spend a little bit of time — a few weeks — on to get started with programming. We want them to understand how a computer works.

Then we have next level we’ve got an honors programming class and a mobile applications class, also both one-semester courses. That’s for kids who want to get in a little deeper. Of course, we cheated a little bit. We make a full year of computer science a requirement for graduation.

Vicki: Wow! We do at my school, too. And it’s been a great thing.

Everyone Takes Computer Science at Alfred’s School

Alfred: It really has, because it’s forcing kids to look at things. Now, of course, it’s forced us to have more options, too. Next year for the first time, we’ll be teaching both AP courses. So yeah, we’ve been teaching AP Computer Science A for a while, and it’s really great for the kids who are heavy into computer science and already thinking that’s the way they want to go.

Next year I’ll be teaching the computer science principles course, which I’m really excited about. You know, it’s a breadth course. It’s not solid programming like the A course is, but it’s going to give us a lot of time to talk about the issues in computer science, the role in society, the different ways computer science is used. So I’m really excited about the chance to explore the wider world of computer science — you know, beyond programming — with a good group of kids. I’m really excited about that!

Vicki: That’s exciting! So, Alfred, what’s the most transformational … Give me an example of a project or something you’ve done in some of these courses, that you’re like, “OK. This is what it’s supposed to look like.”

A Semester Project instead of a Semester Exam

Alfred: You know, one of the things we started doing a few years ago was — rather than having a semester exam at the end of the course, we have a semester project. What happens here is the kids get to pick their own projects. They’re going to create an application, something that interests them. So you know, we give them some possible suggestions, but it’s their project.

It turns out that they learn a ton — because when they’ve got a project that interests them, they’re really motivated to learn beyond even what we talked about in class. That’s always the goal, I think. You know you don’t want kids trying to learn just enough to pass the course. You want them learning more because they want to solve a problem. So I think that — we do projects all along, but that semester project really transforms the course and finishes it up with a bang.

Vicki: So what would be something that somebody might do in that semester project?

Semester Project Examples

Alfred: Okay, well you know, for our freshman have only had maybe four weeks of programming. So they’ll write a simple game — you know, a tic-tac-toe, a Lights Out game.

We’ve also got kids doing some projects that are the mind games that are supposed to help you improve your mental acuity. And they involve timers, you know, they are going to go for 30 seconds.Then things are going to happen with every time. They’re totally unaware of what they might learn.

But other kid, like in the honors programming course, do their own version of Pac-Man or Space Invaders. I’ve had kids do projects that help them with their physics courses, for example, which they’re really excited about! And frankly, so are their teachers.

Vicki: So what do you think the biggest mistakes are that schools are making these days about computer science?

Mistakes Schools are Making with Computer Science

Alfred: Well, I think a lot of schools still think that it’s just for a special set of geeky kids — you know, the white and Asian male students. That’s a huge mistake, because girls are awesome at it, especially if you give them projects that they’re interested in.

I think the other thing that schools make is the assumption that there’s a one-size-fits-all kind of thing. You know, the same projects work for everybody. And that’s definitely not the case. I think they don’t spend enough time asking kids about projects that are relevant to them.

I had a student tell me one time, “I really like when you give us projects that are relevant.

And I said, “Oh! You mean like the program we did that balances checkbook?”

And she said, “No, I mean like tic-tac-toe!”

Vicki: (laughs) OK, That’s interesting! (laughs)

Alfred: (laughs) Right? Because what we as adults think of as relevant is not necessarily the same as what students think of as relevant.

Vicki: Yeah.

Alfred: And that’s fine.

Vicki: So Alfred, you see computer science across the whole nation. You’re on the board for CSTA. Do schools have to put in an official computer science class or are there other ways to pull computer science into other classes?

How to Bring Computer Science into Other Classes

Alfred: They are definitely other ways of pulling computer science into other classes. One of the things that my wife has done with her middle school students she works a lot with reluctant readers and reluctant writers. She had a student who was kind of a problem in English class. He wasn’t into writing. As a reward for behaving well, she had him creating stories using Scratch.

Vicki: Hmmmm.

Alfred: So there was a reward there. He saw it as playing a game, but he was really learning how to tell stories but in a computational way. I like to see teachers integrate computer science tools in a lot of other subjects. I see teachers science teachers, for example, having students analyze data using Excel. I think they could do a lot more if they learned a few of the computer science concepts that Excel excels at (laughs) — quite frankly, like conditional formatting, for example.

Decision structures — like Computate — you get the whole decision structures thing. It makes things more interesting, it makes things pop out at you, for example. This kind of thing, getting more out of these computational type tools — because you understand the concepts behind them — can be a powerful way to enhance all of the curriculum.

Vicki: Yeah, and it’s all about getting kids to create their world and not just be consumers of it.

Alfred: Oh, absolutely. You know, I find the kids… you know, they pretend like they just want to sit there and soak stuff up. But they really want to sit there and ignore you.

Vicki: (laughs)

Alfred: They really do. And they’re really great at it. Awesome at it. They don’t even need fidget spinners. But you know if you get them motivated to do something different, motivated to get them up and moving? One of the things I’ve been working on a lot this year, and which I want to continue doing is getting kids to learn on their feet.

Vicki: Yeah? What do you mean by that?

How to Get Students Moving in Computer Science Class

Alfred: Well for example, when I introduce loops, I’ll have a kid stand up.

And I’ll say, “Take seven steps.”

He’ll take seven steps, and we’ll talk about, “How did you know when to stop?” and “What was the set up? Basically, when you were walking, you were doing all the things we do in a counting loop.

Or, “Walk back to this point here.” That’s a “while loop.”

Vicki: Yeah.

Alfred: You know, kids love money. I’ll take out a handful of change, and I’ll ask one student, “How many coins are here?” Alright, that was counting.

Now I’ll give the same handful of coins to another student and ask, “How much money is here?” Then we’ll talk about how that student is basically using an accumulator.

These are things they do in real life, but they don’t realize how they relate to computation. So seeing that real-world connection, getting up and physically moving around…

You know, when we do sorting, I have the kids moving all over the place. You know, “Sort yourselves by age. Sort yourselves by height.”

There’s a really nice Radix sort exercise from CS Unplugged that we use. We have kids walking around. It makes them stay awake. They’ve got to follow the directions.

Vicki: Yeah, and you get that bodily-kinesthetic learner going!

So, educators, we’ve learned a lot of remarkable things from Alfred. I think that it’s important for us to understand. I love how he’s constantly iterating, and he’s saying, “OK, I’m excited about doing this, or I’m excited about doing that.”

Here you have one of the people who is known to be one of the leaders in computer science education. You do not see him settling. You see him making it relevant to students. You see him bringing the real world in. You see him harnessing student passions.

And these are the things that we need, to be remarkable.

    Transcribed by Kymberli Mulford

kymberlimulford@gmail.com

Bio as submitted

Alfred Thompson is a high school computer science teacher at Bishop Guertin High School in Nashua NH. Alfred is a member of the Computer Science Teachers Association (CSTA) Board. He has been a professional software developer, a textbook author, a developer evangelist, a school technology coordinator, a school board member and more. Alfred sees himself as a computer science education activist working to help reach more young people with the knowledge that they can make the world a better place through software. Read more by Alfred Thompson at his Computer Science Teacher blog (http://ift.tt/16Gqz3t).

Blog:Computer Science TeacherTwitter: @alfredtwo

Disclosure of Material Connection: This is a “sponsored podcast episode.” The company who sponsored it compensated me via cash payment, gift, or something else of value to include a reference to their product. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I believe will be good for my readers and are from companies I can recommend. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.) This company has no impact on the editorial content of the show.

The post Computer Science Teaching Tips appeared first on Cool Cat Teacher Blog by Vicki Davis @coolcatteacher helping educators be excellent every day. Meow!

Computer Science Teaching Tips published first on http://ift.tt/2yTzsdq

[succeedly]

Computer Science Teaching Tips

Alfred Thompson on Episode 182 of the 10-Minute Teacher show

From the Cool Cat Teacher Blog by Vicki Davis

Follow @coolcatteacher on Twitter

Alfred Thompson talks about the trends in teaching Computer Science. Topics include:

How to get kids moving as you teach programming

What happens when a school has every student learn Computer Science

How to engage young women in Computer Science Programming

Today’s Sponsor: WriQ from Texthelp is a new FREE Add-on for Google Docs that helps teachers easily assess student writing and track progress over time by automatically scoring students’ spelling, punctuation, and grammar errors. It also incorporates rubrics so teachers can provide meaningful, qualitative feedback to encourage the writing journey.

This handy free Google Docs add-on tracks things like: time spent writing, spelling-grammar-and punctuation error rates and pulls it into a clear graphical view in your teacher dashboard. To learn more about Wriq go to http://ift.tt/2y91EpU

Listen Now

Listen to the show on iTunes or Stitcher

Stream by clicking here.

Below is an enhanced transcript, modified for your reading pleasure. For guests and hyperlinks to resources, scroll down.

***

Enhanced Transcript

Computer Science Teaching Tips

Link to show: http://ift.tt/2z2U7t5 Date: Tuesday, November 7, 2017

Vicki: Today we’re taking a trip into one of my favorite Computer Science teachers’ classroom, Alfred Thompson @alfredtwo I feel like I’ve known Alfred forever. He is not only a national and international voice for computer science education, but he teaches in the classroom.

So Alfred, tell us about your classroom. What do you teach, and what’s your philosophy of teaching computer science?

Philosophy of Teaching Computer Science

Alfred: We actually have a series of computer science classes in my school. Pretty much all of our freshmen take a course we call “Explorations in Computer Science.” It’s a one-semester course. We focus really on concepts, giving them vocabulary, helping them understand the role of computers in the classroom, and we also spend a little bit of time — a few weeks — on to get started with programming. We want them to understand how a computer works.

Then we have next level we’ve got an honors programming class and a mobile applications class, also both one-semester courses. That’s for kids who want to get in a little deeper. Of course, we cheated a little bit. We make a full year of computer science a requirement for graduation.

Vicki: Wow! We do at my school, too. And it’s been a great thing.

Everyone Takes Computer Science at Alfred’s School

Alfred: It really has, because it’s forcing kids to look at things. Now, of course, it’s forced us to have more options, too. Next year for the first time, we’ll be teaching both AP courses. So yeah, we’ve been teaching AP Computer Science A for a while, and it’s really great for the kids who are heavy into computer science and already thinking that’s the way they want to go.

Next year I’ll be teaching the computer science principles course, which I’m really excited about. You know, it’s a breadth course. It’s not solid programming like the A course is, but it’s going to give us a lot of time to talk about the issues in computer science, the role in society, the different ways computer science is used. So I’m really excited about the chance to explore the wider world of computer science — you know, beyond programming — with a good group of kids. I’m really excited about that!

Vicki: That’s exciting! So, Alfred, what’s the most transformational … Give me an example of a project or something you’ve done in some of these courses, that you’re like, “OK. This is what it’s supposed to look like.”

A Semester Project instead of a Semester Exam

Alfred: You know, one of the things we started doing a few years ago was — rather than having a semester exam at the end of the course, we have a semester project. What happens here is the kids get to pick their own projects. They’re going to create an application, something that interests them. So you know, we give them some possible suggestions, but it’s their project.

It turns out that they learn a ton — because when they’ve got a project that interests them, they’re really motivated to learn beyond even what we talked about in class. That’s always the goal, I think. You know you don’t want kids trying to learn just enough to pass the course. You want them learning more because they want to solve a problem. So I think that — we do projects all along, but that semester project really transforms the course and finishes it up with a bang.

Vicki: So what would be something that somebody might do in that semester project?

Semester Project Examples

Alfred: Okay, well you know, for our freshman have only had maybe four weeks of programming. So they’ll write a simple game — you know, a tic-tac-toe, a Lights Out game.

We’ve also got kids doing some projects that are the mind games that are supposed to help you improve your mental acuity. And they involve timers, you know, they are going to go for 30 seconds.Then things are going to happen with every time. They’re totally unaware of what they might learn.

But other kid, like in the honors programming course, do their own version of Pac-Man or Space Invaders. I’ve had kids do projects that help them with their physics courses, for example, which they’re really excited about! And frankly, so are their teachers.

Vicki: So what do you think the biggest mistakes are that schools are making these days about computer science?

Mistakes Schools are Making with Computer Science

Alfred: Well, I think a lot of schools still think that it’s just for a special set of geeky kids — you know, the white and Asian male students. That’s a huge mistake, because girls are awesome at it, especially if you give them projects that they’re interested in.

I think the other thing that schools make is the assumption that there’s a one-size-fits-all kind of thing. You know, the same projects work for everybody. And that’s definitely not the case. I think they don’t spend enough time asking kids about projects that are relevant to them.

I had a student tell me one time, “I really like when you give us projects that are relevant.

And I said, “Oh! You mean like the program we did that balances checkbook?”

And she said, “No, I mean like tic-tac-toe!”

Vicki: (laughs) OK, That’s interesting! (laughs)

Alfred: (laughs) Right? Because what we as adults think of as relevant is not necessarily the same as what students think of as relevant.

Vicki: Yeah.

Alfred: And that’s fine.

Vicki: So Alfred, you see computer science across the whole nation. You’re on the board for CSTA. Do schools have to put in an official computer science class or are there other ways to pull computer science into other classes?

How to Bring Computer Science into Other Classes

Alfred: They are definitely other ways of pulling computer science into other classes. One of the things that my wife has done with her middle school students she works a lot with reluctant readers and reluctant writers. She had a student who was kind of a problem in English class. He wasn’t into writing. As a reward for behaving well, she had him creating stories using Scratch.

Vicki: Hmmmm.

Alfred: So there was a reward there. He saw it as playing a game, but he was really learning how to tell stories but in a computational way. I like to see teachers integrate computer science tools in a lot of other subjects. I see teachers science teachers, for example, having students analyze data using Excel. I think they could do a lot more if they learned a few of the computer science concepts that Excel excels at (laughs) — quite frankly, like conditional formatting, for example.

Decision structures — like Computate — you get the whole decision structures thing. It makes things more interesting, it makes things pop out at you, for example. This kind of thing, getting more out of these computational type tools — because you understand the concepts behind them — can be a powerful way to enhance all of the curriculum.

Vicki: Yeah, and it’s all about getting kids to create their world and not just be consumers of it.

Alfred: Oh, absolutely. You know, I find the kids… you know, they pretend like they just want to sit there and soak stuff up. But they really want to sit there and ignore you.

Vicki: (laughs)

Alfred: They really do. And they’re really great at it. Awesome at it. They don’t even need fidget spinners. But you know if you get them motivated to do something different, motivated to get them up and moving? One of the things I’ve been working on a lot this year, and which I want to continue doing is getting kids to learn on their feet.

Vicki: Yeah? What do you mean by that?

How to Get Students Moving in Computer Science Class

Alfred: Well for example, when I introduce loops, I’ll have a kid stand up.

And I’ll say, “Take seven steps.”

He’ll take seven steps, and we’ll talk about, “How did you know when to stop?” and “What was the set up? Basically, when you were walking, you were doing all the things we do in a counting loop.

Or, “Walk back to this point here.” That’s a “while loop.”

Vicki: Yeah.

Alfred: You know, kids love money. I’ll take out a handful of change, and I’ll ask one student, “How many coins are here?” Alright, that was counting.

Now I’ll give the same handful of coins to another student and ask, “How much money is here?” Then we’ll talk about how that student is basically using an accumulator.

These are things they do in real life, but they don’t realize how they relate to computation. So seeing that real-world connection, getting up and physically moving around…

You know, when we do sorting, I have the kids moving all over the place. You know, “Sort yourselves by age. Sort yourselves by height.”

There’s a really nice Radix sort exercise from CS Unplugged that we use. We have kids walking around. It makes them stay awake. They’ve got to follow the directions.

Vicki: Yeah, and you get that bodily-kinesthetic learner going!

So, educators, we’ve learned a lot of remarkable things from Alfred. I think that it’s important for us to understand. I love how he’s constantly iterating, and he’s saying, “OK, I’m excited about doing this, or I’m excited about doing that.”

Here you have one of the people who is known to be one of the leaders in computer science education. You do not see him settling. You see him making it relevant to students. You see him bringing the real world in. You see him harnessing student passions.

And these are the things that we need, to be remarkable.

    Transcribed by Kymberli Mulford

kymberlimulford@gmail.com

Bio as submitted

Alfred Thompson is a high school computer science teacher at Bishop Guertin High School in Nashua NH. Alfred is a member of the Computer Science Teachers Association (CSTA) Board. He has been a professional software developer, a textbook author, a developer evangelist, a school technology coordinator, a school board member and more. Alfred sees himself as a computer science education activist working to help reach more young people with the knowledge that they can make the world a better place through software. Read more by Alfred Thompson at his Computer Science Teacher blog (http://ift.tt/16Gqz3t).

Blog:Computer Science TeacherTwitter: @alfredtwo

Disclosure of Material Connection: This is a “sponsored podcast episode.” The company who sponsored it compensated me via cash payment, gift, or something else of value to include a reference to their product. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I believe will be good for my readers and are from companies I can recommend. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.) This company has no impact on the editorial content of the show.

The post Computer Science Teaching Tips appeared first on Cool Cat Teacher Blog by Vicki Davis @coolcatteacher helping educators be excellent every day. Meow!

Computer Science Teaching Tips published first on http://ift.tt/2jn9f0m

[growthvue]

Computer Science Teaching Tips

Alfred Thompson on Episode 182 of the 10-Minute Teacher show

From the Cool Cat Teacher Blog by Vicki Davis

Follow @coolcatteacher on Twitter

Alfred Thompson talks about the trends in teaching Computer Science. Topics include:

How to get kids moving as you teach programming

What happens when a school has every student learn Computer Science

How to engage young women in Computer Science Programming

Today’s Sponsor: WriQ from Texthelp is a new FREE Add-on for Google Docs that helps teachers easily assess student writing and track progress over time by automatically scoring students’ spelling, punctuation, and grammar errors. It also incorporates rubrics so teachers can provide meaningful, qualitative feedback to encourage the writing journey.

This handy free Google Docs add-on tracks things like: time spent writing, spelling-grammar-and punctuation error rates and pulls it into a clear graphical view in your teacher dashboard. To learn more about Wriq go to http://ift.tt/2y91EpU

Listen Now

Listen to the show on iTunes or Stitcher

Stream by clicking here.

Below is an enhanced transcript, modified for your reading pleasure. For guests and hyperlinks to resources, scroll down.

***

Enhanced Transcript

Computer Science Teaching Tips

Link to show: http://ift.tt/2z2U7t5 Date: Tuesday, November 7, 2017

Vicki: Today we’re taking a trip into one of my favorite Computer Science teachers’ classroom, Alfred Thompson @alfredtwo I feel like I’ve known Alfred forever. He is not only a national and international voice for computer science education, but he teaches in the classroom.

So Alfred, tell us about your classroom. What do you teach, and what’s your philosophy of teaching computer science?

Philosophy of Teaching Computer Science

Alfred: We actually have a series of computer science classes in my school. Pretty much all of our freshmen take a course we call “Explorations in Computer Science.” It’s a one-semester course. We focus really on concepts, giving them vocabulary, helping them understand the role of computers in the classroom, and we also spend a little bit of time — a few weeks — on to get started with programming. We want them to understand how a computer works.

Then we have next level we’ve got an honors programming class and a mobile applications class, also both one-semester courses. That’s for kids who want to get in a little deeper. Of course, we cheated a little bit. We make a full year of computer science a requirement for graduation.

Vicki: Wow! We do at my school, too. And it’s been a great thing.

Everyone Takes Computer Science at Alfred’s School

Alfred: It really has, because it’s forcing kids to look at things. Now, of course, it’s forced us to have more options, too. Next year for the first time, we’ll be teaching both AP courses. So yeah, we’ve been teaching AP Computer Science A for a while, and it’s really great for the kids who are heavy into computer science and already thinking that’s the way they want to go.

Next year I’ll be teaching the computer science principles course, which I’m really excited about. You know, it’s a breadth course. It’s not solid programming like the A course is, but it’s going to give us a lot of time to talk about the issues in computer science, the role in society, the different ways computer science is used. So I’m really excited about the chance to explore the wider world of computer science — you know, beyond programming — with a good group of kids. I’m really excited about that!

Vicki: That’s exciting! So, Alfred, what’s the most transformational … Give me an example of a project or something you’ve done in some of these courses, that you’re like, “OK. This is what it’s supposed to look like.”

A Semester Project instead of a Semester Exam

Alfred: You know, one of the things we started doing a few years ago was — rather than having a semester exam at the end of the course, we have a semester project. What happens here is the kids get to pick their own projects. They’re going to create an application, something that interests them. So you know, we give them some possible suggestions, but it’s their project.

It turns out that they learn a ton — because when they’ve got a project that interests them, they’re really motivated to learn beyond even what we talked about in class. That’s always the goal, I think. You know you don’t want kids trying to learn just enough to pass the course. You want them learning more because they want to solve a problem. So I think that — we do projects all along, but that semester project really transforms the course and finishes it up with a bang.

Vicki: So what would be something that somebody might do in that semester project?

Semester Project Examples

Alfred: Okay, well you know, for our freshman have only had maybe four weeks of programming. So they’ll write a simple game — you know, a tic-tac-toe, a Lights Out game.

We’ve also got kids doing some projects that are the mind games that are supposed to help you improve your mental acuity. And they involve timers, you know, they are going to go for 30 seconds.Then things are going to happen with every time. They’re totally unaware of what they might learn.

But other kid, like in the honors programming course, do their own version of Pac-Man or Space Invaders. I’ve had kids do projects that help them with their physics courses, for example, which they’re really excited about! And frankly, so are their teachers.

Vicki: So what do you think the biggest mistakes are that schools are making these days about computer science?

Mistakes Schools are Making with Computer Science

Alfred: Well, I think a lot of schools still think that it’s just for a special set of geeky kids — you know, the white and Asian male students. That’s a huge mistake, because girls are awesome at it, especially if you give them projects that they’re interested in.

I think the other thing that schools make is the assumption that there’s a one-size-fits-all kind of thing. You know, the same projects work for everybody. And that’s definitely not the case. I think they don’t spend enough time asking kids about projects that are relevant to them.

I had a student tell me one time, “I really like when you give us projects that are relevant.

And I said, “Oh! You mean like the program we did that balances checkbook?”

And she said, “No, I mean like tic-tac-toe!”

Vicki: (laughs) OK, That’s interesting! (laughs)

Alfred: (laughs) Right? Because what we as adults think of as relevant is not necessarily the same as what students think of as relevant.

Vicki: Yeah.

Alfred: And that’s fine.

Vicki: So Alfred, you see computer science across the whole nation. You’re on the board for CSTA. Do schools have to put in an official computer science class or are there other ways to pull computer science into other classes?

How to Bring Computer Science into Other Classes

Alfred: They are definitely other ways of pulling computer science into other classes. One of the things that my wife has done with her middle school students she works a lot with reluctant readers and reluctant writers. She had a student who was kind of a problem in English class. He wasn’t into writing. As a reward for behaving well, she had him creating stories using Scratch.

Vicki: Hmmmm.

Alfred: So there was a reward there. He saw it as playing a game, but he was really learning how to tell stories but in a computational way. I like to see teachers integrate computer science tools in a lot of other subjects. I see teachers science teachers, for example, having students analyze data using Excel. I think they could do a lot more if they learned a few of the computer science concepts that Excel excels at (laughs) — quite frankly, like conditional formatting, for example.

Decision structures — like Computate — you get the whole decision structures thing. It makes things more interesting, it makes things pop out at you, for example. This kind of thing, getting more out of these computational type tools — because you understand the concepts behind them — can be a powerful way to enhance all of the curriculum.

Vicki: Yeah, and it’s all about getting kids to create their world and not just be consumers of it.

Alfred: Oh, absolutely. You know, I find the kids… you know, they pretend like they just want to sit there and soak stuff up. But they really want to sit there and ignore you.

Vicki: (laughs)

Alfred: They really do. And they’re really great at it. Awesome at it. They don’t even need fidget spinners. But you know if you get them motivated to do something different, motivated to get them up and moving? One of the things I’ve been working on a lot this year, and which I want to continue doing is getting kids to learn on their feet.

Vicki: Yeah? What do you mean by that?

How to Get Students Moving in Computer Science Class

Alfred: Well for example, when I introduce loops, I’ll have a kid stand up.

And I’ll say, “Take seven steps.”

He’ll take seven steps, and we’ll talk about, “How did you know when to stop?” and “What was the set up? Basically, when you were walking, you were doing all the things we do in a counting loop.

Or, “Walk back to this point here.” That’s a “while loop.”

Vicki: Yeah.

Alfred: You know, kids love money. I’ll take out a handful of change, and I’ll ask one student, “How many coins are here?” Alright, that was counting.

Now I’ll give the same handful of coins to another student and ask, “How much money is here?” Then we’ll talk about how that student is basically using an accumulator.

These are things they do in real life, but they don’t realize how they relate to computation. So seeing that real-world connection, getting up and physically moving around…

You know, when we do sorting, I have the kids moving all over the place. You know, “Sort yourselves by age. Sort yourselves by height.”

There’s a really nice Radix sort exercise from CS Unplugged that we use. We have kids walking around. It makes them stay awake. They’ve got to follow the directions.

Vicki: Yeah, and you get that bodily-kinesthetic learner going!

So, educators, we’ve learned a lot of remarkable things from Alfred. I think that it’s important for us to understand. I love how he’s constantly iterating, and he’s saying, “OK, I’m excited about doing this, or I’m excited about doing that.”

Here you have one of the people who is known to be one of the leaders in computer science education. You do not see him settling. You see him making it relevant to students. You see him bringing the real world in. You see him harnessing student passions.

And these are the things that we need, to be remarkable.

    Transcribed by Kymberli Mulford

kymberlimulford@gmail.com

Bio as submitted

Alfred Thompson is a high school computer science teacher at Bishop Guertin High School in Nashua NH. Alfred is a member of the Computer Science Teachers Association (CSTA) Board. He has been a professional software developer, a textbook author, a developer evangelist, a school technology coordinator, a school board member and more. Alfred sees himself as a computer science education activist working to help reach more young people with the knowledge that they can make the world a better place through software. Read more by Alfred Thompson at his Computer Science Teacher blog (http://ift.tt/16Gqz3t).

Blog:Computer Science TeacherTwitter: @alfredtwo

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