#thinking about doing this for all my lil guys so might be redoing this post another 3 times lol | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

mypimpademia · 4 years ago

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Hi!!! I was wondering if I could request Sugawara, Bokuto, Tsukishima and Kenma with a black famous actress girlfriend?❤️❤️❤️❤️

Sugawara x black!actress!reader, Bokuto x black!actress!reader, Tsukishima x black!actress!reader, Kenma x black!actress!reader

TW: Swearing

Note: this is all post times skip

Taglist: @myhoodacademia @bnhainthewoo @iiminibattlehero @ecao @nnnoya @hawklmaoo @strawberry-ice @mixxfi @wolfkid22 @mythiccheroacademia @myfandemons @lilsparkyswife @mrs-nanami @mindofess @kqtsukisgf

SUGAWARA.

Hes soooo supportive

Koshi is gonna let you do what ever you need to do to work

Travel, using method acting at home, and he won't be up your ass if you have to kiss another actor for a role

But unfortunately, if you do have to travel, he won't be able to come often, as he still has to teach his students

He makes up for it by taking time off for premieres, but he still feels bad that he cant come even though its not his fault

Koshis favorites that you star in are ALWAYS the black story films

He knows how important they are, and he thinks its amazing that his incredible girlfriend gets to play a part in them

When he shows his students movies in class, they're probably yours

Especially if you play the lead role

He usually tells them on set stories about certain parts of the movie (but only with your permission of course)

PLEASE come and visit his students

They all adore you and your work

"You looked reallyyyyy pretty in that one scene in (insert a movie title)"

They'll ask you questions about being on set, about talking with other famous actors/actresses, etc.

If and when you win an award, Koshi will NOT miss it for the world

It'll be the proudest moment of his life and his not even him getting the award

Can and will cry if you give him a special thanks in your speech

"And of course, id like to thank my lil baby, Koshi."

Koshi just loves you so much and hes so proud to have you as his girlfriend

BOKUTO.

Just the thought of you excites him, but when thinks of the fact that you're a whole famous actress? He can't even sit still

He gushes about you to the team constantly

They'd find it annoying but Bokutos so passionate about you that they just can't

You guys really aren't apart too much, even if you have to travel

1. Because Koutaro is clingy and doesn't like leaving you and 2. Because you guys somehow end up in the same place even when you're traveling

So hes always there to support you

But he can't help but get jealous when you have to kiss your co-stars

He usually gets all pouty when it happens, and if you have to redo the shot multiple times it only progresses

Its sucks seeing Ko sad, but you end up getting lots of kisses so thats definitely a plus

Koutaro is a fucking sap, so his favorite movies you start in are usually romance ones, or sad ones

He can and will double over and cry during them

"Ko, we're only 20 minutes in, get off the damn floor!"

When you win an award he'll cry even harder

If you mention him he'll start running around and screaming like he's in a black church

"And of course I can never for get my boo, Kotaro~"

Queue the cameras trying to follow him like he on Murray while he cries

He just loves you so much and hes so proud of you that he forgets how to act

TSUKISHIMA.

This nigga SWEARS he doesn't care

But he do💖

Because he still comes to as much as your stuff as he can

That means filming, traveling, premieres, and other things

Unfortunately, the two of you are apart pretty often if you travel a lot

But the two of you manage by talking as much as you can, and if you come back for short periods of time you hang out as much as possible

Hes one of the most jealous bitches idc idc

If you kiss a co-star, hes wiping your mouth down w a wet rag, and then giving you the best kiss of your life (it literally gets better everytime)

You really be tempted to beat his ass when he tried to wipe your mouth but its all worth it

"Boy you not bouta wipe my mouth for the tenth time today, I 'ought beat yo' a-"

Then Kei wipes your mouth

"Nigga what did I just say–"

And then kisses you

You can't even be mad at that point

Kei is a fucking nerd so his favorite movies are sci-fi

You did a movie involving dinosaurs once and he swears he fell in love w you all over again

Is he ever gonna let you know that though?

Absolutely not.

When you win an award, hes gonna be so proud of you

He honestly might tear up

Will 100% shed a tear or two if you mention him

"And the biggest thanks goes to my irritating but lovable boyfriend, Kei."

Kei is kind of a bitch about it like he is about everything, but he really is proud of you

KENMA.

You were probably just starting out when you guys got together

So he doesn't think much of it because he's so use to it

Don't get me wrong, hes proud of you, but hes just so used to being around you that he hardly ever acknowledges that hes dating a famous actress

But when he does it definitely puts a smile on his face

Kozume fully supports you, he comes with you to filming, traveling, premieres, and other events

He pre-records game plays just so he can go

Kozu probably gets insecure if you have to kiss other co-stars on set

Hes just insecure about your relationships in general sometimes because its like you're this beautiful and amazing actress, and hes a gameplay youtuber

So he'll probably ask for a lil reassuring kiss after you do a scene like that

"Baby, can I have a kiss? Please?"

When you come on his livestreams, even for a second, his chay goes crazy

'OMG HI Y/N, HOWS FILMING GOING?'

His favorite movies are sci-fi and action

They remind him of video games, which means he can mix his two favorite things in the world together (you and video games, to clarify💖)

When you win an award, he won't miss it for the world

Kozume will be so proud, he might actually cry

Especially if you mention him

"I dont think I could've done this without my incredible boyfriend though."

Hes so in love with you he won't be able to function properly

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bookwormsid1015 · 4 years ago

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Art Dump + Fic Update

Hey y'all!!! Bookworm here, and first I wanna thank you guys for your patience regarding my fics! I started both school AND work recently, so my plate has been kind of full, though I assure you guys I'm trying my hardest to keep my fics up to date. Right now, I'm working on Chapter 33 of Back to Me, and since it's almost done, I figured I could throw all my recent art based on my fics at you guys! So here it is!

First up! Soul For a Soul

Basic concept art, I know, but I redid Dragon!Shirakumo's human design and made a cute lil profile for both him and Kitsune!Kayama. I plan on getting back to Soul For a Soul soon, but it prolly will take a while hahahahahhhh (also I might redo parts of the earlier chapters so heads up!)

ANYWAYS! TADAM!

Since I'm editing the earlier chapters of TADAM, I also went ahead and fixed up Kirishima's design to make him look more menacing. I think I like this version of his dragon form more than his old one lol. Also! Chapter 10 is almost done! I just need to do some more editing and it should be up within the week!

And finally, the moment you've all been waiting for...

BACK TO ME!

I decided I wanted to redo that one drawing from chapter 24 and OMG does this one outshine the other. Too bad my shading is lack luster lol I gotsa fix that. Like the other fics, I might also be editing earlier chapters to make his evolution from Kurogiri to Shirakumo more solid, though only time will tell. I'm about 2/3 the way done with this fic so I'm hoping to finish it up first before making any major changes.

So to recap.

Back to Me and There Are Dragons Among Men will be returning very soon, though Soul For a Soul will be on an indefinite hiatus since I'm gonna be fixing up the story a bit (I can't ever seem to stick to the original chapter when it comes to writing hhh I'm sorryyyyy)

ANYWAYS! Thank you all so much for supporting my fics and for reading this long ass post lol. I hope to see you all on Ao3 soon! Take care of yourselves and your families up until then!

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indecisive-v · 3 years ago

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NINJAMUFFIN DOING ANOTHER AMA ON TWITTER, HERE'S MORE SHIT FOR YA! keep in mind i'm just sharing the funkin related stuff, though i am including WAAAAY more than what i shared before 👍 go check out ninja's twitter profile for questions about stuff like ritz! questions in blue, answers in orange. if yall don't wanna read everything i MIGHT make a version of this post where i replace the answers with my own summaries of em (and if the questions are long, those too)

and here's a link to the ama tweet itself! dunno if it's still goin

Q: I figure the answer will be yes but do you have more plans to implement more guest appearances from people in the newgrounds community into FNF? Or are you all gunna focus on OG lore and stuff going forward

A: for guest appearances, I think we have always seen it as getting a healthy mix of both. PERSONALLY I'd like to lean towards having more OG stuff than guest stuff, BUT it's all a matter of what other boys think of that as well. I'm not the sole person working on game!

Q: Are you gonna release the full FNF game or are you gonna be releasing week after week? Like, are you gonna release week 8 or are we gonna wait some years until The Full Ass Game comes out?

A: Release plan for FNF right now is a few more updates or whatev to the 'demo' we have out right now, and then a long silence of probably no updates whatsoever until the full game is done (which will likely be a few years). That's partly why we made kickstarter for game.

Q: Hey so like, how much will Fnf cost after it's finished? And when will you ask the supporters what they want the game on?

A: It's all subject to change, but right now it prob gonna be standard 15-25$ lil steam indie game.

We will ask Kickstarter pledgers and whatnot what they want the game on SUPER close to when its released, to keep options open if we get onto anything like a console people want.

Q: 1. how was your day

2. are you releasing a week 8 song early like week 7, or are you goin full lockdown

A: I am doing GOOD today, and I think recently I've been good in general.

up to the mood, but so far we doing good about not having anything leak or whatev, so I think it'd be fun to have update come out with people not knowing what to expect at all. Build dat intrigue

Q: Will fnf ever get official plushies?? Seems like an untapped market

A: FNF plushies will prob happen some point, we have a lot of current merch stuff on our plates already though! (Mostly kickstarter type stuff, shirts, pins, posters, and all the physical OST stuff) Its a lot to sort out, but in time more and more stuff will happen. We r jus 4 boys!

Q: did you ever expect your game to blow up as it did? what was your first reaction to seeing it become super popular

A: FNF never had a humble moment, literally day 1 before the prototype even came out, the vid on twitter had like 5K likes overnight. Then when ludum dare version came out, it got 5K likes again, like it wasnt just a fluke. Was crazy, and def felt like somethin was different wit FNF

Q: Do you plan on getting other people to come in to help with the music? That seems like a lot of work to dump on one person, what with the erect mode and whatnot.

I guess the question could apply to all aspects of development. Will you be bringing on more people to help?

A: We definitely are getting help from other people. We are always keeping an eye on people for various different things. In terms of programming, already I've gotten 2 people (MtH and Geokureli) to help with certain Week 7 stuff (charting/polish, and loading stuff). Shit like dat

Q: Oh, also, will the Steam version be Workshop compatible? That'd really help streamline the process of downloading mods.

A: Steam version of FNF will likely NOT be Steam workshop compatible, because we want all the mods to NOT be spread out through different places. There WILL be modding support that is as streamlined as Steam workshop though. Mainly for non-steam versions of the game!

Q: Are there any chances that the game will have a physical release? Also any updates on a switch port? I remember one of you guys talking/joking about it.

A: Not impossible for FNF to get a physical release. We would want to see how far we could go with it though. I think it'd be super easy to do something wit people like LimitedRun games or whatev, but I think stuff like that can only go so far. I wanna see Funkin in mf Walmart!!!!!!

not that LimitedRun isn't going to be an option! Just we consider and pursue many different things! FNF release is years away, so we have time to think about everything. Whole mindset can be different just a few months from now.

Q: Out of curiosity, how are you dealing with all the popularity? It blew up so fast id barely be able to handle it if I was in your shoes.

A: The only way I've been able to handle it is having the other boys on the crew and being able to talk to them about all the overwhelmingness.

Part of it feels very lonesome, feels like NO ONE can come close to comprehending exactly how I'm feeling, except them. also other PALS!!!

Q: Do you own any of the bootleg FNF merchandise? Like any bootleg plushies or anything?

A: i dont, i genuinely think they r a waste of money, and I know any bootleg shit that gets made, we can prob go about and make it, and make it 100x cooler because we actually put effort into shit. bootleg shit just in it for the coin, so they aint gettin that from me

Q: How did you go about getting in contact with sr pelo for skid and pumps vocals?

A: Pelo i think was familiar and pals wit PhantomArcade a bit thru various Newgrounds things and collabs and whatnot.

pelo retweeted the first OG FNF posts first ever, and brought a LOT of attention to it. to pay him back, we put skid and pump in game! ask dave for more info prob

Q: what's the plan for having the full ass game open source if it's gonna cost money? couldn't people just download the source and compile the game for free?

A: when FNF is fully released, the full source code will be released as well.

the game will be DRM free so it will be way easier for people to redistribute the released/offical .exe instead of compiling it, so that's not the issue anyways. people will pay for things if they like it

Q: What are the chances of it getting on consoles like switch or Playstation, ps5 would definitely be my preferred way to play

A: it'd be a matter of hiring someone to build out backend stuff for those specific consoles. someone who knows their way around all the wacky code stuff, AND knows console hardware stuff. Then its just a matter of hittin up those console manufacturers (Sony, Microsoft, or Nintendo)

the CLOSEST one is SWITCH. pretty much all of that backend is already made, so it just a matter of gettin all that access and shit.

i think in any case though, there's a lot of NDA stuff required, i dunno how much we'd be able to talk about it even IF we get that stuf sorted

Q: any ideas of releasing it on epic store or another platform?

A: Right now, the only thing that is 100% confirmed and WILL happen is a Steam version, itchio version, and mobile versions on respective app stores. Other storefronts aren't out of the picture though, but we don't want to spread ourselves too thin with it.

Q: Will you continue using HaxeFlixel to make the rest of FNF?

A: yes, because it is what I'm the most technically proficient in, and generally is VERY flexible. just a matter of ME becoming a better coder. It's ALL open source, so if I need something done a certain way, either I can do it, or we can hire someone to do it.

Q: have you seen game theory's videos on your game yet and if so, what do you think about them? (not talking about his predictions because i dont want spoilers. i like mystery)

A: it is always good silly fun to watch the Game Theory vids about Funkin with some pals, and see what matpat thinks of the game. i lov the vids, but wish he used my face less! Or at least used a cuter pic of me like this one!!

Q: Ok so: What does the future of FNF look like to you?

A: future of FNF is a rhythm game that not only exceeds every expectation that people have of it, but subverts most expectations and conventions as well.

Q: Do you plan on retouching on older weeks once the game is fully out? Like reanimating sprites, redoing some charting, updating the background, etc

A: retouching and probably overhauling certain aspects is almost definitely gonna happen. Everything is fluid and can be changed (and should be changed when necessary). i dont think anything should be too attached to, especially this early on in development

Q: I honestly do not care if the answer to this is vague as hell to keep surprises and shit lol but… Since Week 7 was the closest we’ll get to a playable girlfriend (still bf controlling tho), do you have plans to make girlfriend playable in spin-off things or just freeplay?

A: wouldnt be out of the picture for a playable GF, i don't think we've had some hard thing AGAINST it. just a matter of what we want out of the game, and what sort of story or whatev we could do with that concept

Q: How do BF and GF manage to meet famous newgrounds characters (such as pico, tankman and the others to come) like is this all in one universe/ timeline or are they being brought in?

A: i think they are all just there existing. i think there's a lot of wacky things in other media that try to justify crossovers, like MULTIVERSE bullshit or TIMELINE shit, but i dunno, its like subspace emissary. Captain Falcon and Olimar from Pikmin just hang out. Shit like dat

disclaimer that all lore shit is in phantomarcade head pretty much and maybe there is wacky dimensions or somethin

Q: Will the game have dlc?

A: its not too unlikely that we'd have expansions of some sort, but i mean right now we plan on packing in as much as we can into base game, and trying to make that as pure as possible.

if there is ANY dlc, i would personally want it to be 100% free updates

Q: How did you meet Phantom Arcade, Kawai Sprite, and EvilSker? And what do you think about the community and its controversies?

A: me and phantomarcade been fukin around NG for years so years and years ago we naturally crossed paths and became pals

about 2 years ago i found kawaisprites music on NG, and started talkin wit him, made Ritz wit him and we fell in lov

and evilsk8r i met cuz of FNF!!!

quik elaborate on evilsk8r, wanted artist for gamejam FNF was for (ludum dare), and OG person i asked wasnt available, so he referred me to evilsk8r, who I have never met or talked to before ever.

#friday night funkin #fnf #fridaynightfunkin

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andrcs · 5 years ago

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hey friends waddup ! i’m jen , just turned 23 ( n am already feelin it ) , from the gmt-2 tmz , n i go by she/her pronouns . i had about , like , half an hour of sleep today n i’m actually redoing this entire intro because as i was editing the finished version to post it , i accidentally deleted the whole thing n tumblr wouldnt let me have it back ! it’s fine i’m fine :-) anywho i’m gonna let yall go n learn a lil more about our friend andre ! hopefully u like him but if u don’t thats ok bc sometimes i don’t either !!

𝐈. 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐓𝐒 :

𝐧𝐚𝐦𝐞 : andre harris solomon .

𝐧𝐢𝐜𝐤𝐧𝐚𝐦𝐞 : n/a .

𝐛𝐢𝐫𝐭𝐡𝐝𝐚𝐲 : august fourth , 1991 .

𝐳𝐨𝐝𝐢𝐚𝐜 𝐬𝐢𝐠𝐧 : leo .

𝐨𝐜𝐜𝐮𝐩𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 : cco of solo conglomerate .

𝐈𝐈. 𝐁𝐀𝐂𝐊𝐆𝐑𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐃 :

during the solomon’s dynasty , the family had its fair share of tumbles and quite a few scandals . great uncle abel being arrested after trying to steal half his brother’s fortune was one was a big example . may god bless the traitous bastard’s soul . also cousin denzel , declaring in the middle of thanksgiving dinner he wanted to be a opera singer , of all fucking things , and giving grandpa harrison an almost stroke , could be counted . no matter what , though , nothing prepared the family to watch the solomon fortune’s heiress coming home on her christmas break during her freshman year in college with a baby bump and no father to claim the child she carried .

in the following years , with the slightly judgemental help of all of her closest relatives , but most of all , the never ending support of her parents , gaia solomon managed not only to get her college diploma , enter the family business and help solo grow into the biggest media conglomerate of the western hemisphere , one that had a solid hand over pretty much all aspects of media and entertainment . chances are if you wanted to publish or sign a record label deal or be on a tv show , sooner or later you would encounter someone from solo . but she had also manage to raise with the utmost love and care , no lack of sacrifices , and a healthy amount of ear-pulling , a man she can’t help to be most proud of .

andre solomon never knew who his father was , or cared to . and as far as his mother was concerned , he didn’t have a father . as a child , he never felt like he was missing anything in life , there was no angry void aching to be filled , no painful moments to remember his childhood by . he had been happy . no matter how busy his mom was , she was always loving and attentive whenever she was around , played baseball and football and soccer with him whenever he asked her to , and grandpa harrison was always available if the boy ever needed a guy figure in his life . of course , there were some bumps and bruises along the way , and a pinky finger he never fully got the feeling back , but it was a beautiful , fulfilling childhood .

as a teenager , recently acquainted with a never seen before freedom , and just out of puberty , andre grew more acquainted with getting in trouble . thankfully , nothing like cousin gina , who had to cut off a part of her ear after piercing it by herself with her tenth grade friends . while rambunctious and mischievous , he was always to smart to get caught doing something that could get him in any kind of real trouble , and by then , the family knew that they could trust andre to not be too irresponsible , and even if they didn’t , at least he had both ears intact .

a full grown adult , after getting his marketing degree in northwestern university , andre followed his mother’s footsteps and worked hard to climb the organizational ladder and reach the cco position , becoming one of his grandfather’s valued advisors along the way . these days , he works hard to keep his image clean and his professional life very well separated from his private one , being very succesful at it thus far .

𝐈𝐈𝐈. 𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐎𝐍𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐘 :

andre can definitely be considered a little bit too cocky in his confidence . he knows his strengths and doesn’t believe in fake humility , always eager to be praised by whatever actions . also very focused , he feels as if he knows exactly what he deserves in all aspects of his life , and doesn’t hesitate to work for it until he’s satisfied .

he is also , however , a very fun loving individual . andre believes in the motto work hard , play hard . and you can definitely find him going on expensive trips to exotic locations or some rich person adventure more often that he’d like to admit . is constantly surrounded by a-list celebrities or clout chasers who attach to him due to his connections into the industry . and as being the center of attention is one of his favorite things , he absolutely adores it .

very , extremely sarcastic and definitely not the most outwardly affectionate person , it takes a lot to get him to soften up , but andre’s also extremely loyal to those he knows are his real friends , and always makes sure that they are with him no matter where he goes and what he gets .

is known to be quite the ladies’ man , and often lives up to the reputation , even though he’s settled down quite happily a few times during his adulthood . he’s not averse to relationships , per say , but also doesnt want to jump in carelessly , specially when he’s not felling the situation . is frequently engaged in some sort of drama with the girls in his life and even though he claims to dislike it , he loves all the attention he gets from them ( ew , i hate him , he’s gross )

𝐈𝐕. 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐍𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒 :

childhood best friend / chicago native ( 1 / 2 ) : people who’ve known him since before he hit puberty and became cool and who are with him til this very day . they might not be best friends for whatever reason but still are closer than most friendships out there . ( pearl , )

flings / could be past or present : could also range from the silliest to the most angsty stuff , andre definitely has the repertoire for it .

ride or dies ( 2 / 6 ) : truly ride or dies , his closest group of friends , the ppl that are with him no matter where he is and the only people outside his family he’d do whatever for . ( devin , watson )

exes / chicago native ( 2 / 2 ) : i have some ideas about them but lets just say one would have ended in decently good terms and one would not . ( vera , aurora )

friend with interests ( 0 / 2 ) : andre has a lot of ins with the media industry , and this person would definitely have an ulterior motive to hang around him , whether he’s realised it yet or no .

flirtationship ( 1 / 1 ) : first of all i hate that word my GOD but also , would be a kind of thing where they’d both be feeling each other but for some reason things just wouldn’t progress ? ( elissa )

there is a lot more but i’ve just written this thing twice in a row n my brain is currently just 2 neurons barely communicating so i should probably quit while i’m ahead ? but pls message me bc if u want to know some more about andre or come up w plots or just talk about how hot mbj is n how unfair it is that the rpc doesnt gif him nearly enough ? or we could also talk abt something i might be delusional rn so i have a bunch of interesting topics ok bye thanks for sticking around i love uuuu

#░ ▹ 𝙊𝙐𝙏 𝙊𝙁 𝘾𝙃𝘼𝙍𝘼𝘾𝙏𝙀𝙍 / / oh jenny !#wealthyhq:intro #oof this has been a ride ladies n gents #and am i glad to be done with it #also raise ur hand if u have a cousin gina in ur life

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keeroo92 · 5 years ago

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Tumblr Tips You Probably Already Know

So I don’t know about you guys, but for me learning how tumblr works was a pain in the ass. I thought it might be handy to share a few tricks I’ve picked up the last few months for anyone who needs them. Bear in mind I’m still extremely new at this, and not all blogs would benefit from my amateur advice. I’m posting this just in case one of you guys are as frustrated and annoyed as I was at the beginning.

First - Adding a “Keep Reading” divider

Why to do it - If you post a lot of longer stories, viewers will be forced to scroll through the entire post to see anything further on their feed. While this might seem like a good way to get people to read your work, it can become a hindrance if people don’t have the time to read and are forced to either suck it up and scroll, or unfollow you.

How to do it -

When you are preparing to post (Text post) just hit “Enter”. You should see a few icons on the right of where you’re currently typing, like this.

The icon on the far right will insert a divider that can be dragged to anywhere you like, and when you post it will create one of these -

Readers will need to click to view the full post. I don’t know if there’s a way to create these with any other type of post, but it’s something I learned after an Anon asked me to please use the tool. (Thank you Anon!!!)

My personal preference is to also list the word count above the cut off, so that my readers have a rough idea how much time they might need to finish reading. If you aren’t sure what your word count is, you can paste your work here and find out - https://wordcounter.net/

Some programs have something like this built in as well.

Timing your post

Why to do it - Like any site, tumblr has peaks and valleys of activity. I did a little bit of poking around and found that the most active time of day is between 4pm and 10pm Eastern. If you are trying to maximize the number of people who see your post, it may help to post during this window.

How to do it - I’m pretty terrible about dong this, but when you’re preparing a post, you can schedule when it appears by clicking the drop down menu on the post button, here.

A small menu should open, like this.

The schedule can be annoying to work with, since it requires a specific format of date. Again, I suck at this, but I’ve noticed if it doesn’t like what I put in the post only refuses to submit.

The post will not even minimize, so you won’t lose your work. (I still recommend keeping a copy elsewhere just in case!!!) Here’s what it looks like -

This menu will also appear when you reblog a previous post, so you can schedule your reblogs with ease.

Opinions vary on whether reblogs actually do any good, but that’s for you to decide for yourselves. Both these scheduling features can be extremely helpful if you won’t be able to post for a few days (vacation, illness, etc.) but you don’t want your blog to stagnate.

Creating a Masterlist

Why to do it - Once you have a few pieces of writing posted, you want people to be able to find them, right? A Masterlist puts links to all your work in one place, like a Table of Contents. Someone just finding your blog can go through everything you’ve written to date and binge it all at once, or just a few to decide if they really want to follow you.

How to do it - Here’s a link to an in-depth tutorial. I’ll summarize below as well.

Start with a new text post. You’ll want to have an idea of how to organize your stuff in advance. I chose to do mine based off of the main pairing, but I’ve seen others go by the date of the post or type of post. You can do it however you like.

Next, list out everything you can think of. It’s fine if you don’t have a full list, you can always go back and add more later. Make sure you put everything in the right category.

Now the annoying part - linking! Every post you make has its own page, and you’ll need to copy the full URL. There’s a million ways to do it, but I just scrolled through my post history with a tag filter on and opened/copied each one in turn. It can be time consuming if you have a lot of posts, though.

Once you have the URL copied, find the line on your masterlist you want to use and highlight it.. Here’s an example.

Now, click on the little figure eight thing I circled. It’ll open a spot for you to paste the URL, like so.

Once it’s in there, click “Done” on the right side of the bubble to save the link. It’ll add a blue line under the text to show where people can click to follow the link. Repeat this until you’ve got each item linked up!

Go ahead and post it, and grab the URL for the masterlist itself. Navigate to your profile and click the little painter’s palette to edit your blog’s appearance. Mine is in the upper right corner, I don’t know if that’s standard.

On the left side of your screen, a new window should open where you can change all kinds of settings. Scroll down to find the custom link section. I’m not sure if every theme has this feature, so you may need to pick a new one to do this. Here’s what mine looks like.

Make whatever changes you like, but make sure you hit “Save” at the top of the window. You might want to check your profile to make sure it looks the way you want it to, but that should be all you need! Be sure to update your masterlist regularly. If you ever discover a line is missing the blue line underneath to show it’s a link, that likely means the link is broken. Generally, you can fix this by redoing the URL paste step above.

A few handy sites -

https://fanlore.org/wiki/Main_Page

If you feel a bit overwhelmed by the number of fannish words you aren’t familiar with, you can find most here. Great way to deepen your understanding and also make sure you’re tagging the right genre’s!

https://prowritingaid.com/en/Analysis/WebEditor/Go

This site is amazing. They have all kinds of editing tools, too many to list in one post. The main idea here is if you want to analyze your writing, this site does it for free. There’s a 500 word limit unless you want to spend a little money, but IMO it’s worth trying out. However, it can’t tell you your style or identify deliberate grammatical errors. Take it’s advice with a grain of salt, and don’t blindly do everything it says. You will lose what makes your writing unique if you do.

https://write-it-motherfuckers.tumblr.com/

HOLY PROMPTS, BATMAN!!! Seriously, this blog has so many amazing ideas it’s ridiculous. If you want to find a new plot or crazy AU, this WILL give you ideas!

https://writeordie.com/

A great tool for breaking through writer’s block! This site allows you to set a timer and word count, and program sounds to make should you reach/miss your goal. Not for everyone, but I like it for when I have tons of ideas but just can’t settle on one. Best part is it doesn’t delete your work after the time runs out, so you can copy it anywhere you like!

https://ao3commentoftheday.tumblr.com/

This blog is fantastic for any random questions you might have regarding fanfic. They answer things from how to write a chat fic, to how to write an ASL character, to where to find references on how to write a car chase. Truly amazing stuff!

And last lil thing - HAVE FUN!!!!

(Also, sorry if this whole post reads unkindly or in a condescending tone, that is NOT how I mean any of this! I’m not perfect and still have so much to learn, honestly just wanted to share on the off chance it’s useful to someone else.)

#writing stuff #tips and tricks #tumblr tips #writing tips #how to do stuff #useful info #i hope?#idk #this stuff took me way too long to learn #you guys are probably smarter than me

34 notes · View notes

sunnysidewrites · 7 years ago

Text

Neighbor!Woozi

based on this post hehehe

i just fed yall TWICE. in the span of just 2 DAYS!!! AND THEY’RE BOTH MORE OR LESS THE SAME LONG ASS LENGTH!!! yeah that’s right i went overboard again gtg

happy happy bday to the lovely admin bee of @mansaeboysbe you are such a beautiful person inside and out, and im incredibly proud to know someone like you :’))) i’ve already sent a bday message to you so im not tryna redo it LOL but just know that i love you a whole lot and i always will! 💗💗💗💗💓💓 (she’s also the same person who gave me those beautiful headers on my mlist so please give her tons of love <333) love you sm hub hope you have a wonderful and fantastic day!!!

*to all the mutuals with bdays that have either passed or are coming up, i love you all SO FREAKING MUCH so pls dont feel left out!! it just so happened that i wanted to write this au for a long time and i wanted to present it as a bday gift for this jihoon stan hehe but i rlly love each every single one of u ok babes? <333*

warnings: i feel like i dragged this on for too long but i hope it’s still cute :’)) also i put in a joke like twice LOL anyways lil wooz only gets tongue-tied around you so you become his muse for songs

You were looking for a place to stay in bc “I am a grown adult i am not living with yall anymore” you @ your parents

And they’re like lol ok Good Luck Kiddo

After a month and a half of deeeeep searching you finally find a reasonably priced place to live in

It’s quite a distance from your parents’ home but it’s the point of you moving out to begin with

On the move-in day, you’re carrying your boxes up to your new apartment complex and you hear some tunes drifting from your next door neighbor

And you’re like hey this is actually really good music but i’ve never heard of it

You shrug it off and continue settling in

Once you finished hauling your boxes, you were about to pass out on your couch

Ok you actually did pass out on your couch

But you had to unpack some necessities later that night for bathroom and bedroom purposes

All you had for dinner was pop in some instant ramen and call it a night. You then hopped in the shower and got ready for bed

The following morning it was primarily you unpacking and shifting around your furniture a little but it was challenging by yourself

You were making a good amount of noise and in the middle of the day you were met with a very loud knock on your door

And you were in the middle of unpacking your kitchenware so you were like oh shoot ahh i’ll be right there!!

Little did you know your next door neighbor wasn’t having any of it

Can’t I get some peace and quiet around here? He grumbled as he impatiently waited for you to open the door

I swear, I’m gonna tell them off they won’t even knOW what will hit--

You finally opened the door, and he’s like oh. My gosh.

You had a few pieces of hair sticking to your forehead and your hair was tied back in a messy bun

You were dressed in a faded coral tee underneath a pair of worn-out denim overalls with house slippers

Everything he planned to complain about suddenly vanished and his first thought was:

“Is that Pikachu on your front pocket?”

Apparently he said that aloud, which he didn’t register until he saw you giggling

“Yeah, it was a hand-me-down! Still cute, right?”

And he’s kinda still just staring at you with his mouth slightly agape

And you’re like oh right ahem did you need anything?

That’s when he notices the utter mess behind you: plastic covering still over some of your furniture, half-emptied boxes littered in almost every inch of the floor, etc.

And that’s when it hits him: all that noise was you unpacking

“O-oh yeah, I just,, wanted to let you know that it was getting a little loud since I live right next door”

He silently curses at himself like i almost went off at my new neighbor rip that wasn’t gonna be a good first impression

Luckily for him, you were chill about it and you’re like omg sorry!!! It’s a little tough doing this by myself, sorry for the ruckus

Before he could stop himself, he blurted out, “do you need any help?”

Jihoon internally: u doofus u have an album to produce whAT ARE U DOING

Jihoon externally: i can help you :))) no matter how smol i may be

But that internal reprimanding melted away when he saw your eyes light up in relief and you’re practically bouncing up and down

“Would you, really??? It would be great if I had another hand around! Oh, but you’re probably occupied doing something, right??” and you feel bad that a stranger, your next door neighbor nonetheless, was about to abandon his work just for you

A cute neighbor, at that

Jihoon is like ok this is your chance to get away and go back to work cmon man

But there’s just something about you that pulls him in magnetically and he finds himself trying to reason internally that it’ll just be for a “few moments”

Yyyeaaahhh that doesn’t happen lmao rip Jihoon’s songs

Jihoon is just like “nah it’s fine I can help out for a bit” and you’re like god bless this human being

When you open your door further to let him in, he’s like oh right btw I’m Jihoon

“I’m y/n! Sorry about the mess, I only got here yesterday evening”

He shakes his head and quirks up his lips ever so slightly, “i remember when my place looked like this too except replace this space with music production things”

And you’re like ooOOoOoOO you make songs??? That’s amazing!!

And that’s when you got the ball rolling!!!

“A few moments” turn into hours and the next thing you know it’s dinnertime

“Oh crap sorry for keeping you for this long,,, those songs won’t produce themselves, right? I think I can take it from here”

Admittedly, jihoon didn’t wanna leave just yet bc he actually enjoyed your company and it was nice taking a break from staring at his screen frustratedly

“Well, I don’t mind helping out. I could show you my work one day if you want”

And you’re like holy cheeseballs yES

He starts getting up and brushing off his clothes and you’re a little sad that he’s leaving and he kinda is too :(

“If you’re not too busy tomorrow, you’re welcome to help me out more! I mean, you already helped me a whole lot today, but there’s still some things left to do”

As much as his brain is telling him to NOT DO IT,,,,

He does it

Next thing you know, jihoon is at your door again around the same time and he has something in his hand

As you let him inside, you ask him what it is and he’s like ;))))

“It’s a CD that compiled just a few songs I thought you might like”

And you’re #shook bc did he really just have a CD like this out in the open or did he really take his time yesterday to transfer songs on it??

“Do you have a player or a laptop?”

“Yeah, my laptop is on my bed, you can bring it out here!” You shout over your shoulder as you arrange your things in the living room

Shortly afterwards he emerges from the hallway and he presses a few buttons and clicks here and there and beautiful melodies ring out from your speakers

You can’t help but stop rustling to take in the sweet tunes and you’re just like :’))) have i heard anything so beautiful??? :’)))

One of the songs sound vaguely familiar and you realize it’s what you heard when you first arrived here

“Did you actually produce this??? This sounds like an actual song you can hear on the radio”

And he’s like yep made by yours truly!!!

He was only using “yours truly” half-metaphorically if you know what I mean ;)))

You keep bouncing to all the catchy tunes and swaying to the soulful ones

And in all honesty, seeing your reactions makes Jihoon feel really warm and even a little proud bc it’s one of the biggest reasons why he loves his job so much

He makes eye contact with you and you’re like :D and he’s like ahEM COuGh coUGh i’m gonna dust this shelf over here

He suddenly stands up and busies himself and you’re like ???? okie dokie

He’s a real help around the place and you’re practically done settling in

As you survey your fresh living space, you can’t help but feel a little…. Disheartened?

Bc it was actually really fun to have him around even while he made blunt remarks about your taste of decorations

“This looks like something my five-year-old niece would have”

“For your information, I got that from a five-year-old!! It’s cute, alright!”

You spent the past three days with Jihoon unpacking and talking about whatever comes to mind

Jihoon is pretty devastated that he has to go back to his makeshift studio in his room as much as he will never admit it

He eventually leaves your place and the both of you are just sad little puppies

From then on, every time you pass by each other, you greet him with a friendly smile and wave and you never fail to make his heart skip several beats

You don’t talk as much as how you first started bc he’s gotten much busier trying to mass-produce a lot of songs

For some strange reason, every time you hear a melody coming from the other side of the walls, you feel like you’re somehow connected with him

Well, except for the muffled cursing LMAO

And sometimes you would also hear several male voices at once and you’re guessing they’re his friends or the people he’s working with on the song, but based on their friendly banter and the constant run-throughs, it’s probably both

You would hear the same melody play over and over again, and you’re guessing he’s stuck on a certain part of a song as he tries to recreate new melodies from that point on

“aaAAGHGHHHGGHHHH” *deep sigh* me trying to overcome writer’s block LMAO

This would happen for about half an hour and you can’t help but wanting to reach out to him, but you’re not exactly the most musically-inclined person sadly

When he ultimately calms down, he goes back to working on the song until he finally gets the results he desires

More often than not, you fall asleep from hearing the slow ballads he creates with a smile on your face

Lil Jihoon does try to visit you and vice versa!! He sometimes shows up with random food and more CDs and you’re wondering just how many songs has this guy produced in his lifetime??? He looks around the same age as you but he’s probably produced 26+ songs by the way he packs a decent amount on each CD

Usually his excuse to sharing a meal with you is that “the guys brought over too much and i have a ton of leftovers that i can’t finish by myself”

In reality, he stared at a restaurant’s menu and contemplated for about twenty minutes about what you would like. This guy’s got dedication not just for work

“Would it be weird if i get fried chicken?? Maybe just a bowl of noodles?? What if soup is better??? It would give weird vibes if i bought drinks too, right?? Or should i just go ahead and buy them???”

Regardless of what he buys, you’re eager to eat anything and everything with your fav neighbor *wink wonk*

You feel bad when he would do that though, so you try to return the favor every so often as well

One time, you ordered some takeout but the servings were waaaaay bigger than advertised and you’re like Idea!! Let’s head over next door!! So you took the plastic bags and put in some drinks before heading out the door

You knocked on the door and that was when you heard light chatter on the other side of the door

You’re like sldjfljds i hope im not interrupting anything aaa mAYBE I SHOULD JUST LEAVE--

Too late, someone’s voice rang out “I’ll get it!” and next thing you know, the door swings out to reveal a face you’ve never seen before

“Oh, hi!” He says a little surprisedly but with a smile nevertheless

“H-hi, umm,,,, is Jihoon there?”

The guy is nodding his head in the direction of the back hallway, “yeah, he’s in the bathroom” and that’s when he looks down at your hands and his eyes instantly light up

“Omg did you bring food?? You’re so thoughtful!! Come in, come in!!” and before you could protest he literally drags you in and you’re met with a bunch of other strangers who are staring back at you like :oooo????

“Who’s this?? Jihoon never mentioned someone coming over today,, AND YOU CAN’T JUST DRAG SOMEONE IN THIS ISN’T YOUR HOME”

And you’re like ya i didnt know either lmao

You’re awkwardly shifting on your feet and praying jihoon will pop up instantaneously bc you’re gonna melt in embarrassment

“I just wanted to give him some of this,” you hold up your hands to gesture your food, “since it’s too much for me to finish on my own”

“Oh that’s cool! Some of the other guys are actually out to get more lunch, but food goes out fast with all of us here,” another guy says as he pats your shoulder reassuringly. “Well, since you’re already here, you can join us!”

“I-it’s ok! I hope I wasn’t interrupting anything, I just wanted to deliver this,,, I’ll get going” and you’re about to zOOM outta there but the same guy who ushered you in is like nO DONT LEAVE

“We’re taking a lunch break, so it’s cool if you join us! I’m Soonyoung” and he’s like :DDD and you’re just like ,,,, what a hyper guy but i like him

Everyone goes around to introducing themselves

you do a headcount of 8 and you remember there’s more guys getting food for them,,,, holy heck how many people do they have???? You’re about to introduce yourself after them but then

“Soonyoung, who was at the door--” a familiar voice calls out in the hallway before he emerges

And jihoon is like dsljLSJDF what the hELL

“Y/N??? What are you doing here???” *side eyes soonyoung*

And everyone’s making eyes at each other like waIT WAIT THIS IS Y/N???

“Soonyoung dragged me inside”

“Gdi soonyoung, how many times do i have to tell you that you can’t go around dragging people to join us???”

This guy who you think is named Seokmin pipes up, “yeah he does this all the time at our workplace too. A lot of our coworkers always end up extending their stay for far too long” and you’re nodding slowly like yeahhh i can see that happening

Soonyoung’s eyes are widened and he turns to jihoon like “is this the y/n that inspired your recent so--”

And jihoon is quick to cover his mouth so his voice is all muffled

“aHahaAHHAH soonyoung’s always the joker, april fools day!!! Let’s set the table, the others should be back soon”

jihoon whispering to soonyoung: you better sleep with one eye open tonight boi

And you’re like uhh alrighty :)))???

About twenty minutes after you’ve arrived, there’s another knock on the door

Soonyoung is practically bouncing on his way to the door and you can hear more unknown voices

They’re filing in and they suddenly stop and look at you like wait what

Them: :o????

You: :))),,, what up

Jeonghan briefly explains the situation to the guy who came in the door first and you’re lowkey intimidated bc he seems to be eldest and looks like he could beat you up to a pulp

BOY WERE YOU WRONG

After jeonghan tells him, he breaks out into this gigantic, cute gummy smile like welcome!! :DD i’m seungcheol! And the other guys behind him follow suit

Jeonghan’s like “this is,, y/n” and everyone tries to be subtle and nods like they didn’t hear jihoon babble on and on about you for weeks

You: ok why do yall act all weird when my name is brought up whAT DID JIHOON TELL YOU

Them: i would tell you but i don’t wanna die just yet sorry dude

Jihoon, somewhere in the kitchen: SET! THE! TABLE!

You end up staying there for a pretty long time, bonding over the whole feast you have and it’s really lively and fun, not to mention super loud with 13 guys in the same room,,, but you’re genuinely having a good time

Jihoon would glance at you nervously occasionally to check on you if you’re uncomfortable in any way

Jeonghan, who’s sitting next to him, notices jihoon’s eyes are practically glued to you and he’s like “is this the part where you confess your undying love and propose”

And jihoon is like shUT UP NO WHAT this chicken tastes great *quickly chugs down water*

You look back at jihoon sometimes and see he looks flushed but it’s not like he’s drinking alcohol

“Jihoon are you feeling ok?? Your ears are bright red” which obviously makes them redder rip

“I-i’m fine,, wow is it hot in here maybe it’s just the spiciness of the chicken let’s open the windows”

You eventually leave them as much as they protest and even try to get Jihoon to guilt trip you (unsuccessfully)

“Don’t leave just yet y/n!! You should stay, right Jihoon???”

“Huh?? O-oh yeah, I mean, you can if you want,,,,, we kinda need to work though”

Everyone’s looking at jihoon like bro wTF are u kidding me

Rip reader i can feel your heart drop :’(((

You’re feeling slightly dejected but you nod understandingly. You’ve already stayed far longer than you anticipated anyways, and work comes first for Jihoon

“Yeah, I totally get it! Good luck on the album guys!” You put on your shoes and close the door

When they finally hear your own door close, they’re attacking jihoon like

“SO Y/N IS THE ONE BEHIND ALL YOUR SAPPY LOVE SONGS HUH!!!”

“I knew it, the lyrics just suddenly got cheesier -- there had to be someone behind all of that”

And jihoon is just praying you won’t hear what they’re saying like “SHUT UP THESE WALLS ARE THIN”

Back at your apartment, it suddenly feels much emptier and lonelier

“What am i doing,,, I just met the guys for like two hours???”

You sigh and you try to busy yourself doing other things but you hear a loud commotion on the other side of the walls with just a bunch of incoherent shouting

You smile and laugh to yourself when you think about how close they all are

Your smile slowly fades when you start wishing you wanna be close to Jihoon and you’re like snAP OUT OF IT!!!

A couple of weeks pass by uneventfully but you notice that Jihoon has gotten more reserved around you

It’s just him being bashful around you and he panics every time he sees you but obviously he doesn’t want you to know that

You’re standing at your little mini balcony and admiring your cute little cactus plants

Just as you start thinking about him and his wellbeing, you hear your name and you’re like wHO’S THERE

You look down and see Jihoon staring back at you and honestly he looks like he’s awestruck by your whole beauty bc seriously everything you wear always looks super good to him

[insert photo]

(also pretend he’s holding plastic bags)

He holds up his hands and you’re laughing bc you know exactly what that means

“Come on up!”

There’s a knock on your door promptly afterwards and what do you know!!! It’s the man himself!!!

It’s just funny how the both of you have this ongoing routine that you know what to expect

When you let him in, he places the bags on your table and quickly smiles to himself when he sees your laptop on your bed

You and Jihoon both mindlessly do your respective roles as usual

He slowly comes out in the living room with your laptop and he’s like “so the album is pretty much done now,,, i can’t release all of the songs yet but there’s one i want you to listen to. I’ll show you after we eat”

You’re like ooo im excited and you start catching up with him as you’re eating

You can’t contain your excitement any longer, so as soon as you eat the last bit of your food, you’re like “oKAY SHOW ME IT NOW” as you’re restlessly shifting on your legs

He nods and pulls up the media player on your laptop. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath before pressing play

It’s a melody you’re quite acquaintanced with after hearing it countless times at night, the same tune that lulls you to sleep

You have high expectations for this song, and surely he surpasses them with flying colors

You’re enjoying the song and telling him “wow this is a really good song!” when suddenly some lyrics catch your attention

You hear something about messy hair pulled back, ruffled clothes, eating meals

And you’re like huh that sounds a lot like us haha is that supposed to be me??

Jihoon is avoiding eye contact with you and looking down at his fidgeting hands as the song progresses in its later verses

The lyrics talk about wanting to develop a deeper relationship, one where “it’s okay to tell me anything, your hardships and desires. I just want to see you smile” and you’re like wait,,,,

And one of the final lyrics says something about “i can’t help feeling like this, will you accept my hand?” and you’re like wait wait w a i t

The song comes to an end and silence fills the room

You’re not sure whether you should speak up first or wait for him, but either way you’re speechless and wouldn’t know what to say anyways

Jihoon clears his throat awkwardly and stumbles on his words poor bby

“S-so, yeah,,,, I’ve been working on this one the longest,,,, umm do you,,, like it?”

But you know better that he’s not just talking about the song

“Nah sorry man i’m not interested”

“O.”

April fools kiddos ofc you are

“....yeah. I do like it”

And he finally brings himself to look at you and he’s like !!!!! really????

“Wait, for real??? You actually like it???”

He’s pretty much paralyzed in shock and all he can do is watch your hand move towards his and hold it

“I like it a lot, Jihoon :)”

He blinks slowly and he can’t fight the grin that spreads on his face as he grips your hand back

“I’m accepting your hand now heehee ^^”

“Okay let’s not talk about that”

122 notes · View notes

washington-elijah · 5 years ago

Text

About to post this to facebook for my f a m i l y)

(Some stuff here may sound contradictory, but as my thoughts are constantly scrambled this will have to do for now.)

2020 is a new year and decade. I've lived now, for a little over 19 years, shutting my emotions and thought processes out from other people because no one ever seemed to understand me, or even take me seriously. (Wow cliché statement, I know.). I was always either overdramatic, melodramatic. My feelings weren't good enough because it always seemed to fall under the “you're generation this” or “you Millenials that” So here I will go and start right off the bat and say everything I've been trying to get out for a few years now and haven't been able to. I understand the backlash I may get, but I feel it may simply prove my point to myself even more and I don't even know what that point is.

There are only a few people that do not make me feel like a failure of a person for being unable to simply “get over it”. It, being my depression and my anxiety. If I could simply throw it all to the wind, I would believe me. What people do not see is how far I actually have progressed. I would never have even posted something like this before, let alone thought of it. I don't audibly depreciate myself as much as I used to, though some people make me feel like I should? Not that I want to. I love loving myself to an extent for once lol. So how about I simply start off and let you know EXACTLY how I felt for a good portion of my life.

(Let's keep it to what I can remember, 10 to about 17-18 years old)

I hated myself. Nothing was ever good enough, not one thing. Too friendly, too open, not open enough, not smart enough. Funny thing though, I was great in school UNTIL people started getting on my case to keep my grades PERFECT. That and my onset of anxiety and depression caused by bullying from peers and mentors alike. Trauma is not always some horrific thing that happened in life, it can be a built-up response that happens over time. Especially for a kid who couldn't talk to people. Especially for a kid who barely had any friends, and was ignored outside of school. That really never stopped. But oh well, Wonder why I spend so much time on my phone?

“Oh just go talk to people and make friends!” Guess what? I do, they just don't stay in contact, even when I initiate. But I'm over that, I don't need 500+ friends to make me happy. I still find talking to people hard now, and I don't know why. I either overshare, or get too friendly, or both. I'm overzealous or under enthusiastic. It really wasn't until a few years ago (maybe 2015-16) that I stopped giving a shit. Like really, nothing I ever did would be good enough for anyone other than myself, so why not just go ahead and only focus on how I felt for once. It's okay to be selfish once in a while. Especially when all you ever worried about, and tend to still worry about, is how it would make everyone else feel.

At this moment in time, there's still the thought in my head that everyone is holding me to the standard of needing to be absolutely 100% perfect. I should be making my own appointments and talking to my own officials and all that jazz. How so when I don't know how? When no one ever taught me or gave me a chance to try it myself or even just walked me through it? Most of the time I'm shooting in the dark for this sort of thing ^_^”

Now, the anxiety is something I cannot get over. Especially when much of it has been YEARS in the making and caused in some form by those telling me to just get over it. Not to mention, after high-school I kinda was just thrust into the college life. I'd had plans on how I was gonna do all of that, and now I'm trying to figure something out to actually fit college into this. But that's my fault, isn't it? Should have been more open in the first place, something I had always gotten backlash for doing in the first place. I wanted to take a year off, get my mental bullshit in check. Not get rid of it, by this point I can't, but at least get a better grasp of it. Just to handle it a bit better, and THEN thrust myself into more school. I'm grateful for the help and support I have, but sometimes I just feel rushed in nearly everything.

Here's another fun one, Why do I procrastinate? This one I have a solid answer for. Because I'm a perfectionist who's stuff is never good enough and I don't like cleaning when people are around. Who does something immediately if I don't have it planned out in my head A-Z right that very moment? (Bad process, but it's been ingrained). I don't clean when people are around because there was also that engrained bit. It was never good enough, I'd have to redo it, I wasn't doing it right, and so on. (Despite what may be said, I actually have gotten better with that too.)

Math just sucks in general, so imma leave that there.

Now here's a big one. My status on being transgender. There's a lot of stuff people don't seem to understand about that either. My brain itself sends signals to stuff that isn't there. I'm extraordinarily uncomfortable in a female body. You see, us big bad transgenders have a package deal, we get to figure out we weren't put in the right body, but we have to deal with this thing called dysphoria. It's a painful awareness that you aren't built right yet. A hyper-awareness of parts. It isn't fun at all.

And yes, I will be a very feminine looking boy until I get this lil thing called hormones.

No, my current hormone level has nothing to do with being trans.

No, me giving letters as coming out to those I live with was not melodramatic. I say this because there are so many bad stories and visual evidence of people disowning their kids for this. People who never gave ANY indication that they would do something like that. Be it just a verbal thing, or even physical. Those who have accepted me, thank you. I appreciate you guys so much you don't even know. To those who have wished me well, thank you. To those who haven't accepted it, oh well. I'm not hanging onto the negativity this year, and that is my choice.

Becoming independent is going to be difficult because I was raised in a way that I felt I had to be totally dependent on others. And I hold no animosity to that, but I can't just drop everything I know and be a perfect adult. If you want me to be successful you need to give me time. I already have a plan, and I don't need to share it. We're all only human and I'm gonna be making the most of my life, in a way that I want to (within reason.)

I love my family and friends, but I also love myself, and if that means having to be a “cliche” or “petty” person online to be able to actually unscramble the words that won't come out of my mouth, then I will. This year, my mental health comes first for me. This year, I come first for me. And as it being something I have never done before, I might slip up, but I'll get back up and keep on going. I'm not softspoken, I'm not okay with being told who I am gonna be or where I'm gonna go based on how I identify or work. I believe firmly that I can be successful this year. But I don't think other people do.

Anyways, happy new year and let's have a good 2020! I love you all a lot, don't think I don't. This will probably be worded better and expanded on in the future, but this is all I have for now.

#2020 #family #mental illness #trans boy #transgender #lgbt #taking a risk here #thoughts?

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alyjojo · 5 years ago

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The bereavement woman from the hospital is one of the sweetest people alive, she keeps calling to check on me and see how I’m doing.

Some angels are disguised as people 🙏

I’m trying to declutter my mind along with the house. But my headphones need charging so...hello internet.

Yesterday I was trapped downstairs mostly, so I got the trash room, outside and the pantry done...the food side not storage side. Place is set up so awkwardly. I gotta clear the whole house before I mess with all that Xmas stuff.

Lil girls room is done, working on redoing the hallway full of board games and bullshit. WHO put 200 melty beads in a puzzle tin?? That 1000x really. Sigh.

He came home yesterday, after spending hours on the phone hashing shit out the night before. Calmly. I agreed to counseling...again (cough course I’m not the one that said we can’t do it reason reason reason but lettttt it go cough).

Our families need to know wtf is going on anyway, I’m pretttttty resentful of the Facebook lifestyle and everyone cares so long as it’s happy, but no one actually knows who tf you even really are from day to day.

I’ve seen some of my most solid friends suddenly break down in posts with things no one ever knew. Especially lately. Drug abuse in the family, racism, major bullying with their kids, death of children, health scares and emergencies, deep depression, job loss & struggles, marriage issues etc etc. I’m always shocked, and I’m usually one of the first to respond too...hello not a hypocrite actually do care 🙄❤️🙏

I’ve been on the stop talking to me if you’re fake af bandwagon for years, I hate that shit. Seems to be a white thing, and it’s retarded. No one cares about your new rug Sharon if your kid just overdosed, the people the love you care about that, stopped being ashamed of your life...it’s what makes other people talk about theirs.

I come out of my cave when people get real 💯

Sure be a bitch crying about spaghetti cakes omg favoritism today, whatever. When you lose your fucking mom, I’ll be really nice, even though you’re a total bitch 9/10 😒

I get humbled too.

Us...long conversations, apologies, what’s next.

He had a major health scare and I panicked. Wouldn’t let me call an ambulance (bc it was midnight) taking aspirin clutching his chest with tingly face. Making him an appt today, might not go to a hospital but he’s going to a doctor dammit.

Our issues seem like the past because the past comes up a lot. It’s the behavior that leads to the bullshit. I feel invisible, ignored brushed aside, put down...so so much more losing my daughter...because of behavior throughout. The subjects change but the stupid bs doesn’t.

He feels overwhelmed, grieving, called out both wrongly and truthfully (wrongly stresses him tf out...kay stop giving me little to no info and getting upset when I flip tf out..Gma hates that shit too..wholeass family does it...maybe she needed to say it)

Things said and done in anger no one meant. Both of us need boundaries. He says he wants me to more of what I like, I say he won’t let me how could I? Let me GO and I’ll come back, fuck. He wants to communicate via sighs and grunts, ignoring but if you let it go and try later he’s more pissed and I no longer give a damn...eye rolls, slamming cabinets and crap, I find so petty. I’m too heated and impatient for the bs, truly a fault, I expect um...speak. I’m not tiptoeing around a damn thing ever again 🤨

Past people no. Bunch of conversations, nothing happened anywhere with anyone and the whole thing is bs and wouldn’t be had everyone just been open and honest. Me too.

The reasons don’t matter when you hurt someone, and I was wrong to even talk. Having any options is wrong if their intention is clearly bs and your intention is to fix it. And mine was. I should’ve saved myself the contradictive judgments and been open. I’m staying and idgaf what y’all think. Who is a real friend vs... brew. Separate issue. I was wrong. His can burn for all I care 💯

Was I upset at losing my car, job and freedom over a guy? Hell no. I was resentful of being forced back into the same role I desperately tried to escape only because of behavior, again. Had you not been this when I needed you because of my health, I felt he’s so cruel.

Told him if you’re feeling vulnerable then you need to act vulnerable, not storming in a room booming this or that expecting me to jump, noooo sir. I would have no idea you’re feeling vulnerable, and that behavior doesn’t get nice in return.

Im not going to apologize for my shit when you’re standing there defending yours.

Same for me flipping out on him. My mouth is venomous. I jump to conclusions. I stay quiet for so long, dancing around the ignore game don’t wanna approach admit or apologize game, I friggin explode. Or retaliate with the same shit, totally helps.

These things need to die. We don’t. If you still look at me like that, and I still feel like this when I see you, it’s worth another appointment...

This week is car ins though so no cars are getting fixed and no appts are happening.

Till next week. I’ve got a house to overhaul.

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