#think like depressed brat vibe

[cinnamoonblue]

Chapter VIII | The Beach

Summary: You moved to one of the biggest cities in the world - Grand Line to pursue filmmaking career. Soon enough your path will cross with the vocalist of upcoming band called “The Neighbourhood”. At first you decided to be just friends - because it would be easier, but sadly as everything in life sometimes by taking the easy path we regret a lot of things.

Main characters: Portgas D Ace x Reader (female)

Supporting characters: Nami, Usopp, Luffy, Zoro, Sanji, Law, Deuce, Shanks, Buggy, Sabo, Eustass Kid, Koala, Robin, Dave (OC)

Description: Modern AU | Musician Ace

WARNINGS: explicit language, mentions of alcohol, mentions of cigarettes/nicotine, mentions of childhood trauma, mentions of loneliness, aggressive content, graphic description of violence, heavy angst, family trauma, mentions of blood, mentions of stabbing wound, mentions of broken bones, slapping across the face, heavy angst, mentions of death, slight hints of depression

Word Count: 20,2K

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NOTE: First I want to thank you all for the patience ♡ I now that it has been a month since I last posted a chapter, but I had a little writers block (and two more fics) and I wasn't exactly sure how I want to structure this chapter and what should I left for the next one, but the chapter turned out pretty long anyway, so at least next one will be out faster as I already know what I want to write about in it ♡ Just to add something quick for those of you who have watched the show 'Shameless' the house and the neighborhood where the ASL trio grew up is the exact same vibe. Also please note when you read the last part of the chapter that I have purposely referred to Reader as 'you' and not as 'her' as this is the first time where you have an interaction between her/you and Ace from mostly Ace POV, so it's not a writing mistake. I have some more things to say, but I will keep them for the end note as I don't want to spoil anything for you, so enjoy ♡

Twenty years ago

Walking into the house and kicking his shoes off the little kid with bloody nose grumbled as he heard his aunt talking loudly to someone, probably on the phone. Rolling his eyes the child tried to sneak in quietly through the hallway to go to his room, but his attempts were unsuccessful.

“Ace.” Dadan’s loud voice filled the house, causing Ace to roll his eyes. “Don’t try to sneak in, brat. I saw you coming from the window.”

Rolling his eyes again, the six years old child made his way to the kitchen. Walking in, his eyes landed on the tall overweight woman, who had a cigarette between her lips as always. Her curly long ginger hair was falling freely on her broad shoulders and her brown eyes were now fixated on Ace.

“Did you get in a fight, again?” She eyed him up and down carefully, waiting for the child to start speaking.

“What do you think Dadan?” Ace angrily scrunched his whole face as he looks at Dadan. Taking a long puff from her cigarette, Dadan just shook her head as she turned her attention back to the boiling pot on the stove.

“Go get clean.” She told Ace, who stormed out from the kitchen and made his way upstairs to his room. “Ah, Rogue. How could you leave me this son of yours, who is good for nothing.” She mumbled to herself. “This kid will end up like his dad one day.”

Going to the bathroom, Ace grabbed the little step ladder there and climbed on it to open the cabinet where first emergency kit was. Dadan had stopped cleaning his bloody nose long time ago as she got tired of him getting into fights every other day with the older kids in the street. That was why Ace had to learn how to clean his own bloody nose alone, along with the bruises on his body.

For only a six years old child he was quite independent mostly due to the fact that Dadan couldn’t manage with his behaviour and has given up on trying to discipline him. For his age Ace was a menace – too angry and grumpy for a kid. He got kicked out from kindergarten for bad behaviour and terrorising the rest of the children, for which Dadan was now stuck to stay home most of the time because leaving him alone would be against the law. Not like she did spend time with him, but in case someone calls the child services she must be around. It had happened once, they came to look at their home because someone’s mother from the kindergarten had called on the family, if you could call it one. Thankfully Dadan had connections with one of the heads of the social works and he saved her and Ace from being separated, but for this she must return him a big number of favours.

Sometimes Dadan wondered if it was worth it - yes, Ace was her beloved little sister’s child, but he had taken none of her kindness, the kid was a walking disaster and a copy of his father, the only thing he had from her sister were the freckles. That was why sometimes she was questioning if Ace would have been better off in some foster family or adopted by somebody else, but Dadan had promised Rouge that she would take care of him no matter what because it was her death wish. If Rouge was alive, Dadan was sure she would have taken better care of the boy, as Dadan herself was lacking all the mother instincts, something her sister always had and wanted.

Ace was a wanted child by both of his parents, but he would never know about this or even if he did, he wouldn’t believe it. He knew some things regarding who his mother was and how she looked, but when it came to his father, he knew nothing about him but that he was a well known and wanted criminal who died before Ace was born and from whom he has taken everything bad. As Dadan once screamed at him ‘You are good for nothing, brat. Just like the father of yours.’ These words have echoed in his ears since then.

Cleaning the blood off his nose, Ace stepped down from the small ladder and put it back to the side. Exiting the bathroom with a kick of the door, Ace went straight to his room. Opening and closing the door to it, he quickly locked it in case Dadan decided to come and bothered him.

The room was pretty small – with only a single bed and a small nightstand on the side and not so big wardrobe. Ace didn’t have many toys or books to begin with so the room wasn’t full of the typical things that other children might have in their rooms. Getting on his knees next to the bed, Ace reached with his hands for the little shoe box he has hidden under it. Inside the box was filled with things he had stolen from other children – Hot Wheels, which Dadan would never buy him until he would learn to behave and because of it Ace took it in his own hands to find a way to have them, some Lego pieces and his most recent and treasured of them all – an iPod with a pair of headphones.

Ace stole the iPod two day ago, from some teenage girl at the nearby park. He saw how she and her friends weren’t paying attention to their surroundings so the moment he spotted the iPod in the side pocket of her bag he was determined to have it. Walking closer to them he tripped on purpose and started to “cry” to which the girls immediately jumped to help him as who wouldn’t help a little adorable kid like him. While the girls were trying to cheer him up, he used the time to ask them for an ice cream and all four of them were quick to jump and run to buy him one, leaving all their belongings on the side. By the time they were back, Ace had left with the iPod and the headphones. The girl, from whom he has stolen the iPod, didn’t realise that it was missing until she was on her way home, but even then, it didn’t cross her mind that it was Ace who had stolen it, and it was probably her who dropped it somewhere.

The only problem that Ace had now was that the iPod was almost out of battery, and he didn’t have any charger for it, nor he was sure of how to charge it. Asking Dadan would lead to a fight with her, and she wasn’t very good with electronics so he must find a solution on his own. Placing the headphones on his head Ace started going through the songs on the iPod, luckily for him, the girl from who he stole it had a lot of songs on it, but not all of them matched his taste.

Music has always calmed him, and it also made him feel connected to his mom. He had seen many pictures of her holding a guitar while singing, once on a very old video tape he even heard her singing. His mother had a beautiful and melodic voice, one he could listen to for hours. Sometimes while listening to music Ace would catch himself singing along or humming the song he was currently listening to, which was very comforting for him. Not only he found something to connect with his mother, but also something that gave him the peace of mind.

Laying down on the bed with the headphones on his ears and some song he has never heard before, Ace closed his eyes, a deep exhale coming out of his chest into the air. The song was very old compared to the other ones on the iPod, which were more modern and with more fasten rhythm, but this one was slow and sensual.

Say my name Sun shines through the rain Do you understand? Do you feel the same? Am I only dreaming? Is this burning an eternal flame?

Listening closely to the lyrics, Ace was tapping with his finger on the bed following the rhythm of the song. He wasn’t a fan of love songs at all, let alone a love ballad, but there was something catchy about this one.

A whole life so lonely And then come and ease the pain I don't wanna lose this feelin', oh

Ace never knew what affection or love was. Dadan was never gentle with him nor affectionate, she was there for him to provide what he needed the most which was a roof over his head and a meal on the table. She had said it to him – “Don’t mistake me for a mother, I ain’t one.” And this has stuck with him since then. He has never ever even received a hug from her, not even on his birthday. Until he was four years old, Ace didn’t even know when his birthday was. One day he just woke up and was met with a cake in the kitchen and a ‘Happy Birthday, brat’ from Dadan and that was it, since that day he knew when his birthday was, but it was never something special, it was never something worth celebrating in their household.

Close your eyes, give me your hand, darling

A single tear ran down his round cheek and he was quick to wipe it away with the back of his hand. Ace never cries. He couldn’t and shouldn’t – ‘big strong men don’t cry’, that was what he was told. And he was one - a big strong man, in the body of a six years old child who craved nothing but some affection. A child which needed someone to wrap their arms around his tiny form and tell him that everything would be alright.

The song was at its final chorus when Ace heard a loud banging on the door. He sat straight in the bed immediately as he heard Dadan voice.

“What are you doing locked there, brat? Open the door immediately.” Her loud and raspy voice from all the cigarettes she has smoked echoed through the house. Removing the headphones from his head, Ace hid them and the iPod under his pillow. Jumping out of bed quickly he went and unlocked the door, opening it with one swift move.

“What do you want Dadan?” The little boy asked with an angry voice and frown brows.

“Dinner’s ready. Come downstairs – Dogra and Magra are home now, and we have something important to speak about.” She said and left without waiting for response from the child. Closing the door once again, Ace made sure to put back the iPod in the box under his bed.

Going downstairs into the kitchen, Dogara – a short skinny bald man with a clean shaved face and Magra – a tall very muscular man with a long mustache and bright red hair shaved on both sides. leaving only some hair in the middle, were sitting on the round table. They were living with him and Dadan, since Ace could remember, so they were practically a family. Ace took his usual sit next to Dogara and waited for Dadan to place the food on the table.

Placing the pot of stew in the middle of the table, Dadan filled her and Ace’s plate and Dogara and Magara did the same. Ace tried reaching with his hand for some bread and Dogara saw his struggle to reached it, so he handed it to him easily.

“There you go, Ace.” He said with a smile as Ace snatched the loaf from his hands.

“Say thanks, brat.” Dadan was quick to scoff the little boy as he was lacking all kind of manners. He only rolled his eyes to her and took a big bite of the bread not carrying about what he was being told.

The adults on the table were having a conversation while Ace was just focused on his food not paying attention to whatever they were walking about.

“Listen, Ace.” Dadan’s voice interrupted his thoughts. Moving his eyes from his plate to her, Ace fixed his gaze on Dadan. “From next month you are going to pre-school and this time you will behave, okay! You heard me clearly, brat?” She gave him a stern look which was met with Ace’s unbothered eyes. “Also, Garp came by two days ago. We are going to foster a kid your age from next week, which means you both are going to pre-school, and you are also going to share your room with him.”

Hearing this Ace whole face scrunched with anger. Why should he share? Why was Dadan fostering another kid when she was barely paying any attention to Ace? Why wasn’t he enough?

“I’m not sharing my room.” He yelled angrily at her as he dropped his spoon in the plate splashing some of the food around the table and on the floor.

“You have no saying in this, brat. Dogara and Magra are going to buy and build a bunk bed tomorrow in your room so make sure to clean around the shit you have.” Dadan had no choice but to raise her voice at him a bit, as he was stubborn as aways, never making things easy for her.

The chair on which Ace sat made a loud quacking noise on the floor as Ace pulled it away from the table and jumped off it, storming out from the kitchen. ‘Stupid Dadan, stupid house and stupid kid’ He was murmuring to himself as he was running up the stairs and going straight to his room. Closing the door shut after himself and locking it, he ran to the bed and pulled out the box under it, taking the iPod off it. Placing the headphones over his head and laying on the bed, he played the old ballad love song. Ace closed his eyes and turned around burring his face in the pillow, biting on it he tried his best not to let the tears fall from his eyes as his little fists were clenching the bedsheets. Soon the room was filled with the sound on his quiet sobs. It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair for him to have to share when he barely had anything to begin with. It wasn’t fair for another kid to come and live with them when Dadan didn’t even want Ace in a first place or did she only feel this way about Ace? Did she only not want Ace? Why didn’t she want him in a fist place? They shared the same blood after all. He was her sister’s child, she was his aunt – why was she never nice and loving towards him? Ace knew that he was very bad behaving child, and he didn’t like this, but at the same time he couldn’t help it, because it was only then when Dadan would pay him any attention. It was only then when he could get any attention from her. Ace didn’t want much, he only wished to feel wanted by someone, anyone. Yet, this wish seemed to be impossible.

‘You are good for nothing.’ The words echoed through the child’s mind again. Was this true? Was he never going to be good at something? Was he going to cause trouble all his life? Was he never going to find someone to love and accept him with all his flaws – not even a friend? Would he ever find a friend in this world? Why was he cursed to be all by himself and lonely?

A year later

Laughter filled the house when the two young boys burst in it after their first day in school. Kicking their shoes on the side and ready to run upstairs they were interrupted by Dadan’s voice calling them from the living room. With a groan the two kids followed the voice and walked in the room only to see her sitting on the very old and worn-out couch, but to their surprise next to her on it was sitting a little boy no older than three years old, with a runny nose and eyes filled with tears. Both Ace and Sabo looked at each other with confusion written all over their faces.

“This is Luffy, and he will be part of the family from now on, come on Luffy introduce yourself.” Hearing her voice being almost tender Ace was taken aback by the fact that Dadan could be this gentle towards a child. Not only the softness in her voice but also the way she was caressing the child’s back so gently made his eyes widen. She has never been this tender with him nor he could remember if she has. He has seen some of her calmer side with Sabo, but never this gentle, never this carrying. “It’s okay, Luffy. They will be nice towards you.” She encouraged the little child to look up and speak to the two older children. With a trembling lip he finally gained the courage to look up at them and as he was parting his lips to introduce himself, Luffy got interrupted.

“What the hell, Dadan?” Ace angry voice filled up the room.

“Watch your tongue, brat.” Dadan yelled at him with a warning tone.

“Why are you fostering another kid?” Ace’s little fists squeezed and his brows frowned as his eyes were moving between Dadan and the cry baby next to her. He might have been only seven, but Ace knew how much they were struggling financially and that they were barely making the ends, with this kid around the house this was only going to worsen things even more.

 “None of your concern, brat.” She cut him off and turned again to Luffy. “Come on now, don’t mind those two, especially the brat one.” Dadan side-eyed Ace with a warn in her eyes to behave.

“I-I’m Luffy a-and I-I’m three years old.” Said the little boy with hair as black and messy as Ace’s. Even his eyes were a similar colour to his, if they were to stand next to each other, someone might mistake them for brothers. Dadan clapped with her hands and congratulated Luffy for being brave by introducing himself.

“Now you two.” Her tone completely changed for Ace and Sabo.

“Hey Luffy, my name is Sabo, and this here is Ace.” Sabo, the blonde boy who Dadan took in her home a year ago, smiled at Luffy and pointed with his thumb towards Ace who just scowled at Luffy. “We are both seven years old and we just started elementary school.”

If Ace was a grumpy menace, then Sabo was almost the same – he was just smart enough to hid it from Dadan and other adults around, in front of them he was just a sweet polite child, which even in their household was barely receiving a “no”.

To everyone’s surprise it didn’t take long for Ace and Sabo to get along, in fact they were the same when in came to mischiefs, but it was mostly Ace who was taking the blame for it. Sabo usually would get a scold while Ace would get scold and yelled at the same time. But Ace was telling himself that this was okay, after all he was carrying the cross of the black sheep in the family on his back.

“Luffy is going to sleep in your room. We al-”

“What? There isn’t any space left, you old hag.” Ace yelled and got closer to Dadan and Luffy.

“Who are you calling an old hag, you brat.” Dadan yelled back at him and got up from the couch. Her tall form casting a shadow over Ace, but he didn’t even flinch, this encounter between them was something typical.

“This cry baby is not allowed in my room.” His eyes moved to Luffy who was looking at him with widen tearily eyes and then back to the angry woman in front of him. Turning around angrily, Ace stormed out of the room.

“This is not your room only, brat.” Dadan yelled after him. “Sabo, take Luffy with you and show him the room.” She turned then to Sabo as she grabbed Luffy’s small hand and made him stand up from the couch. Sabo just nodded and took the little kid’s hand in his and lead him upstairs to their room.

Entering the room both Sabo and Luffy’s eyes widen from the sight in front of them – the bedsheets and the pillow on the bed, which was placed next to the window and prepared for Luffy, were torn apart and threw on the ground. Kicking the pillow right in Luffy’s face Ace stepped closer to him, his eyes full of rage.

 “You are not welcomed here little shit, keep this in mind.”

Nine years later

It was a nice warm autumn day and music was blasting from the garage and could be heard from any corner of the streets. The two sixteen years old boys were playing music in there – Sabo, now grown up, his face slowly changing into more mature one but still very boyish, covered with some acne spots on his chin and cheeks, something typical for this age, was hitting the drums, while his brother Ace, who like Sabo has grown so much in the past almost ten years, now taller, but with face a little bit more boyish than Sabo’s, attitude still the same but now a little bit under control, was playing the guitar.

“Hey, hey Ace.” Sabo yelled at his brother who continue playing some melody on his guitar. Hearing his yelling Ace stopped and focused his attention on him. “When is Law coming? Wasn’t he supposed to be here like an hour ago?”

Law was Ace’s classmate and best friend who also taught him how to play the guitar, which lead to them three playing together in the garage almost everyday now. Ace’s brows knitted as he looked at his watch, it was true, his friend was supposed to be here by now.

“Ye, I’ll text him.” Pulling the broken screen phone from his pocket, Ace started typing with one hand while with the other he was holding his guitar. “He said he is on his w-” He couldn’t finish his sentence as he saw his little brother Luffy running in full speed towards the house and storming in, while holding his left cheek like he was hurt. Looking over his shoulder at Sabo to make sure that he saw the same thing as him, the two brothers exchanged confused looks as Luffy aways comes to them first thing first when he comes back home from school or anywhere in general.

“Should we check?” They both said at the same time. With just a nod Ace removed the guitar from his shoulders and Sabo dropped the drumsticks and they ran inside the house.

“Luffy.” Ace screamed as they entered their shared room, but their little brother was no where to be seen.

“Maybe he is in the bathroom.” Sabo placed his hand on Ace’s shoulder and pointed with his head towards the end of the hallway. The two boys made their way to the bathroom door and heard the water running. “Hey, Luffy. Everything okay?” Knocking on the door, Sabo waited for his response, but nothing came.

“Luffy, come on. Say something, we know you are here.” Ace leaned on the wall next to the doorcase as he crossed his arms over his chest, waiting for his brother’s response.

“G-go away. Both of you.” A trembling voice yelled from the other side of the door. The two older brothers rolled back their shoulders and straighten their postures as they heard the voice filled with pain.

“Yo, yo Luffy. What the fuck is going on?” Ace raised his voice as he wasn’t the most patient person to exist. Sabo hit him on the chest with the back of his hand as his blue eyes shoot at his brother’s deep brown ones with a warning look telling him without words to calm down.

“Come on, Lu. Did you get beaten up at school again?” Sabo softly chuckled. Sometimes some of the older kids in his school bullied him in school, for which Sabo and Ace made fun of him from time to time, but they were also ready to back him up if he just said so. “Open the door, we won’t make fun of you.”

“Much.” Ace added with a smirk which caused Sabo to snort, but he was quick to compose himself.

“No, Luffy don’t listen to Ace.”

“Ye, Lu. I was messing with you.” Ace’s voice became a little softer now as he tried to assure his brother to come out and speak with them.

“Go away.” Luffy screamed again, but this time the sob that escaped his lips was heard by his brothers.

“Luffy, if you don’t open this door I will.” Ace warned him as his patience was wearing thin.

“And so, will I.” Sabo added.

One of the doors in the hallway opened and from it came out Dogara – still short and bald, he looked at the guys in disbelief.

“What are you three yelling about this time?” He screamed at the two boys who were ignoring him. “I’m talking to you two.” He screamed again as he walked closer to them.

“Shut up.” The two brothers, now so much taller than Dogara, screamed in unison causing the short man to flinch.

“I’m telling Dadan.” He murmured going back to his room determined to call their foster-mother.

“Luffy this is the last warning, open the door or we will.” This time it was Sabo who warned the youngest of them three.

“I’m fine. P-please, go away.” Tears were falling down from Luffy’s eyes mixing with the blood coming from under his left eye. The twelve years old kid was trying to find something to stich himself from the first aid kit they had in the bathroom, but luck wasn’t on his side so the only things left in the kit were some bandages and plasters, none of which would help ease the pain or stich the knife cut under his eye.

Luffy didn’t want his older brothers to see this, because he knew they would go and do something crazy and bad to the person who did this to him, especially Ace. Ace was always the one who jumped head first when it came to protecting his younger brothers, even if he was only a few months older than Sabo, Ace was considered by them as their big brother as he was always the one to jump and protect them no matter the situation or if they were in fact the one who did wrong, he was always there for them. He was always there for the people he loved and cared for, even if he wasn’t the best in expressing his love and affection with words, he aways made sure to prove it by actions.

The two brothers on the other side of the door exchange a quick look with a nodded and with one kick at the door, which has received many kicks since the three of them have been living in here, opened wide. Luffy immediately tried to hide his face, but it was too late. His older brothers’ eyes widen from the side. The whole sink was covered in blood and so was the towel which Luffy was pressing on his face.

“Luffy are you okay?” Sabo was first to come to his senses and immediately stood on his knees next to his younger brother. Taking the towel from his hands he removed it from his face to see what was causing so much bleeding, which cause him to slightly gag at the sight of the stab under his eyes.

“Luffy... who did this?” Ace’s voice was cold, almost emotionless. He was standing leaned on the door facing away from his brothers. The only thing they could see was his clenched jaw and fists. Luffy didn’t know to whom to response first – one was extremely worried, the other extremely furious.

“Answer Luffy!” Both screamed at the same time. Luffy bit on his trembling lower lip as he focused his eyes on Ace. Both of his brothers were way taller than him as puberty has hit them already two years ago which caused Luffy to feel even smaller as he was towered by them now, more specifically by Ace.

“Ace, please.” Luffy cried out. “It was an accident. They didn’t mean it to get this far.”

“Did it happen at school? Was it the older kids?” Sabo was quick to ask, as much as he was worried, he was also enraged as Ace, but still he had to keep his cool for now and think rationality because before they go and take care of whoever did this to their little brother, they must take care of the wound first.

Luffy’s eyes were moving between Ace and Sabo, not sure and scared of how they would react and what would come next. After all they had grown up in the worst aera of Grand Line city. They were ghetto boys, who didn’t grow up with much they grew up almost with nothing, but they always had each other. Their childhood wasn’t easy, but the moment they became brothers, life started to have some meaning, some colour. Life stopped being so lonely, especially for Ace.

“Ye, Lu. Come on, tell us.” Ace finally turned to his little brother and faced him, which scared Luffy because across his older brother’s face was placed a gentle smile. Ace never smiles like this. Ace has never been this calm out of nowhere. But Luffy was just a kid, and so were his brothers, but they have made a vow that Luffy will have a childhood unlike them. They have made a promise that no matter what Luffy wouldn’t bare the pain of loneliness or sadness the same way they did, and Ace had made a promise to himself that no matter what he would try to do the same for Sabo.

“I-It was... it wasn’t kids from m-my school.” Luffy hiccupped. “It... it... it was Teach... from your school Ace.”

Hearing this Ace just looked one last time at Luffy and then Sabo and before any of them had the time to react, Ace has run off to find Teach. He was two years older than Ace and since day one, he had tired to picked on Ace, but it was no successes as every time they would get in a fight, Marshall D Teach would get his ass beaten at the end. Ace and Sabo didn’t attend the same high school, because Ace was kicked out for bad behaviour from it and that was how he ended up in a different one, but thanks to this he had met Law.

Sabo screamed after Ace, and so did Luffy but it was pointless. Holding the bloody towel to Luffy’s face, Sabo grabbed his phone from his pocket and dialled his best friend Koala. He quickly explained to her that he needed her help and that she must take his little brother to the hospital as soon as possible. Koala told him that she would come with one of her father’s drivers to pick Luffy up and get him to the hospital, and with this the conversation ended.

“Okay, Luffy now listen to me.” He grabbed his little brother by the shoulders and made sure he focused on him. “Koala will be here soon, meanwhile you will keep pressing the towel to your face and wait for her on the porch.” Sabo held Luffy’s hand to his face where the wound was and made him press as blood continued to come out of it. “I must go after Ace before he does something crazy, so please come with me downstairs now and don’t come after me, wait for Koala, am I clear?” Sabo’s blue eyes were filled with worry for both of his brothers – one hurt and the other one crazy. “Luffy promise me that this time you will listen to me and do what I’ve told you.” He pleaded as he stood up and grabbed Luffy by his hand, running with him downstairs.

Sitting Luffy on the stairs at the front porch, Sabo was ready to run after Ace when Luffy grabbed his hand and stopped him.

“Is Ace going to be in a big trouble because of me?” His brown eyes were filled with worry and guilt.

“Luffy, you are not the one to blame, okay?” Sabo was fast to reassure his little brother that this wasn't his fault even if he still didn't know what cause the stabbing, he knew that picking on twelve years old in such way is unforgivable. Especially if the twelve years old happened to be his little brother. “Ace is doing what every big brother would do in this situation and so do I, we won’t get in trouble, I promise you.” He gave a small smile to his kid brother and ruffled his messy black hair before he ran off.

Ace knew where to find Teach, so he wasted no time running to one of the old outdoor basketball courts close to their neighbourhood. Teach could pick on him as much as he wanted, but not Luffy. Especially in such way, he could have taken his eye off or worst kill him, and for what? Only to angered Ace?

By the time Ace reached the court he was all covered in sweat. Seeing some of Teach’s friends there he yelled his name. The moment his friends heard Ace’s furious scream, they started to run but Ace was fast to catch one of them by the collar of his shirt.

“You better tell me where your piece of shit friend is or you gonna get all the beating for him.” Ace hissed in his face.

“He... he ran a-away s-somewhere m-man. W-we haven’t seen h-him since.” The guy’s voice trembled with fear, but Ace wasn’t buying it, so he just punched the guy’s stomach making him writhed in pain.

“Think again. Where is Teach?” Ace pushed the boy’s body on the ground and was ready to kick him when the guy put his hands out to stop Ace from colliding his foot with his stomach.

“I-I swear m-man. H-he ran off. H-he probably is ether at home or y-you know his uncles g-garage spot?” The guy waited for Ace’s response. Ace thought for a second before nodding, he knew where the place was. “H-he must be there, a-as y-you know h-his uncle i-is into s-shady things so he must have gone there to hide.”

Crouching next to the guy on the ground, Ace grabbed his hair in a fist and pulled it.

“Listen carefully now.” He started with a low warning tone. “If I go there, and he isn’t there as you’ve said, I’ll come back and you will need to pick up every single tooth you have off the ground, am I clear?”

“I swear, Ace he is either there or at home.” The guy cried out.

Ace let go of him and stood up. All he could see and hear was red. Marchall D Teach was going to pay for almost blinding his little brother. He could mess up with Ace as much as wanted but today he crossed all lines, and he was going to learn his lesson for that.

Despite his appearance, Ace was quite strong for his age. His skinny and tall body was durable to fights, but he could say that it was thanks to the fact that he grew up on the streets, after all the area where the brothers came from was know as the worst possible place to live in Grand Line.

Leaving the basketball court, he heard a well familiar voice calling out his name. Not turning back as he knew that Sabo would catch up to him, Ace continued walking. He felt Sabo’s hand on his shoulder as he held him back for a second, while he tried to catch his breath.

“Ace, wait.” Sabo said in between breaths. “We must come with a plan or something or even better just call the police.” He wanted and tried to reason his brother.

“The plan is we find him, I kill ‘im, and then we continue with our lives.” Ace jerked his shoulder from Sabo’s hand and continued walking.

“Ace be rational for just a second.” Sabo screamed at his brother as he pulled his blond locks. “I’m as mad as you are, but this will lead only to more problems.” Ace continued to ignore him, which only fuelled Sabo’s irritation with his own brother. “Listen to me when I talk to you, you bullhead.” Sabo stood in front of him and placed his hands on Ace’s chest to stop him from taking any step further. “Let’s call the police, for this he can even go to prison as he is of legal age.”

“He hurt Luffy.” Ace screamed in his brother’s face. “And he is going to pay for it. Now you either move away or I’m going to beat your ass as well.” He pushed Sabo away, hard enough to almost making him trip.

“I’m trying to safe your ass from making a big mistake.” Sabo screamed after Ace.

“I’m doing what is right.” Ace spatted without even turning to look at him, all he could wanted was a revenge. With a sigh, Sabo ran after him one more time. If Ace was going to get in trouble he wasn’t going to do it alone. He understood his brother’s reasons, and even if he didn’t agree with them and how he wanted to handle it, Sabo wasn’t going to let him do it alone, after all Luffy wasn’t only Ace’s little brother, he was his as well and as such they must revenge the harm that was caused upon Luffy. Mess with them, but not with their little brother.

“Are you sure he is here?” Sabo turned to Ace as they were now standing in front of the old garage where Teach’s uncle clamed to repair cars in it, but it was well known that this was a lie and he was hiding some shady business behind the whole ‘car repairing’ thing.  

“Should be.” Ace replied as he nodded his head towards the garage, indicating to Sabo to follow him.

“So again, you have any other plan than beating him?”

“Ye, beating him to death.”

“Your heart is too pure for this Ace.” Sabo knew his brother very well, no matter how much Ace wanted to be seen and perceived as the ‘bad boy’, the ‘nonchalant’, ‘not giving a single fuck’ guy he was neither of these things. His brother was too good for this world, but the world wasn’t so nice to him. Ace has carried the most of their family’s burden and Sabo didn’t want him to add another one to the list.

Ignoring Sabo’s words Ace was the first one to approach the big old garage which was wide opened and inside were some older men in their late forties. Teach’s uncle was the first one to notice the approaching boys.

 “Dadan’s boys, what brings me the privilege to be honoured by your visit?” The nasty smile on his fat and oily face bloomed on his lips as he eyed the two young boys. It was clear from where his nephew was coping the nasty manners.

“Where is Teach?” Ace wasted no time but getting to the point.

“I don’t know.” His uncle brazenly laughed causing the other three men to do the same. “Why you need him, Gol’s boy?” It was a well-known fact around this area whose Ace’s biological father was and how much he denied him as such.

“I’m Portgas.” The young boy corrected him as his dark brown eyes pierced the arrogant man’s ones.

“Ha, you heard that boys? The brat is Portgas.” His loud and nasty laughter filled up the space around as everyone started to laugh at the boy’s statement. “You know, your mother Rouge used to be one of the most beautiful women I have ever seen... it’s sad she died so young.” The man sarcastically clicked with his tongue.

This was the name you should never mention in front of Ace with such dishonour, especially if you were a nasty disgusting man like Teach’s uncle. Just before Ace could say anything, Sabo interrupted.

“We really need to speak with Teach.” He held on his brother’s shoulder and tried to keep his behaviour unsuspicious.

“I don’t know where he is blondie, probably home or somewhere out in the streets, I don’t care much where the brat goes, so now take your bastard brother and get the fuck out of my shop.” The man spatted at the brothers as he wasn’t a fan of their family nor them.

“Who are you calling bastard, you ugly pig.” Ace yelled at him, but Sabo was fast to hold on him and stop the fight that was about to erupt.

“Ace, come on.” Sabo called out his brother. “This sad fuck isn’t worth it, let’s go find Teach.” He literally needed to drag Ace out as the uncle continued to pour oil into the fire.

“Mention my mother’s name one more time and I will kill you.” Ace screamed after him only to be met with another round of brazenly laughter. Taking him into one of the alleys near by Sabo tired to calm his brother. “Let me go Sabo, I will kill this pig and his nephew as well.” Ace tried to fight his brother’s strong hold, but the blonde boy held him in one place with all his power.

“Ace, I understand your rage, but this sad low life isn’t worth it, now let’s go back to search for Teach, just calm down.” Sabo tried to reason him for a thousand time today.

Buring his fingers in his dark locks, Ace pulled his hair by the roots and screamed with frustration.

“Fine, fine.” He yelled in Sabo’s face. “Let me go before I lose it completely.” Sabo took a step back, while Ace tried to calm himself a bit. “I’m sure he is there.” Ace said after a few deep breaths.

“Should we wait a bit here?” Sabo had a similar feeling to Ace’s, the uncle had to knew at least that his nephew was hiding from them. Ace just nodded in response.

A few hours passed by and the sun started to settle, the twilight has taken over the sky and if it wasn’t for what had happened earlier today, maybe it would have caught the brothers’ attention and they would have admired it, but not today. Sabo had received a message from his friend Koala that she has taken care of Luffy and that the wound was stitched, and their little brother would be okay. Hearing the news about it, Ace only nodded not moving his eyes from the garage. He was a hundred percent sure that Teach was there hiding and won’t leave until it was dark.

And he wasn’t wrong. Soon Teach’s uncle left with his friends, but he didn’t close the garage, everything inside was still lit on and the door wasn’t closed. Which meant only one thing – there was someone inside.

“Let’s check out who is left in the garage.” Ace said to his brother and they both quietly and cautiously made their way to it.

Walking inside they started to look around carefully. They reached the end of it when they heard some bucket falling at the entrance. Turning their heads towards the direction where the sound came from, they saw the person who they were looking for trying to escape.

“Oh, you are dead.” Ace murmured to himself and started running after Teach, closely followed by his brother.

Both boys were in advantage catching up Teach as his clumsy and fat body couldn’t outrun the two brothers. Caging him in the same alley they waited until now, Teach had nowhere to run as it was a dead end one.

“Care to explain why my little brother came with a stab wound under his eye today?” With slow steady steps Ace was getting closer and closer to Teach’s trembling from fear body. He was aware that today he fucked up a lot by stabbing the kid, but it was an accident, he just wanted to scare him off, but the brat moved while he had him on a chokehold and in his attempted to calm him down, he accidently pressed the knife in his face too hard. He shouldn’t have even held up a knife to a twelve years old but he did it for the jokes of it and now he is about to pay the price for it.

“Now, now Ace it was just for the joke of it.” He said with a chuckle which only fuelled Ace’s anger.

“For the joke? You could have killed him!” Sabo yelled at him as he got face to face with him and grabbed him by his white shirt collar. “You fucking pig.” He screamed in his face and punched it.

Ace was fast to get in between his brother and Teach as he didn’t want him to get in trouble and this was something that was between him and the low life who was now on the ground.

“Let me punch him one more time Ace.” It was funny and strange who fast their rolls change as now it was Ace who tried to calm Sabo not the other way around.

“Fuck you, Sabo.” Teach spatted as he tried to stand up, but he has no luck as Ace was fast to kick him in the face. Blood started to run from Teach’s mouth as Ace’s foot collied with his chin. Without wasting time, the two brothers jumped on him. They knew that it wasn’t a fair fight, two against one, but Teach wasn’t playing fair as well earlier as he pulled a knife on a child and now he was going to pay.

Sabo was the first one to pull away, while Ace was lost, he couldn’t see or hear anything, all he could think about was his little brother’s face covered in blood, and for what – for a joke? Well, here was the joke now, the biggest joke of them all laying under him almost unconscious. Coming to his senses Sabo tried to pull Ace away.

“Ace. Ace, come on this is enough.” He yelled at his brother as he tried to pull him away. Teach’s whole face was covered in blood and swollen from the brothers’ fists as he was choking on his own blood. With all his power Sabo pulled Ace away from Teach’s body but the moment Ace was back on his feet he decided to do one more thing before they leave. With all his power Ace stepped on Teach’s right knee which cause it to break. An agonizing scream left Teach’s mouth as his whole body twitched from pain. Sabo’s eyes widen from the scene in front of him. “What the fuck Ace?” Sabo screamed at his brother as he jerked Ace by the hand to look at him. “Ace what the fuck man? You know how much trouble we will get in for this now?” But Sabo’s screams were worthless as his brother didn’t care and as of right now, he couldn’t think straight.

Without saying anything Ace just pulled his arm away from Sabo’s and started walking away. Not knowing what to do and now scared for Teach’s life, Sabo called an ambulance for him, only giving Teach’s location and lying that he found him on the street by chance. After he made sure that the asshole was going to get help and not die, he ran after Ace.

“Ace you idiot. Now we are going to be in a big trouble.” Sabo pushed his brother on the back once he caught up with him, making Ace almost trip. Turning to him Ace pushed Sabo back.

“I will get in trouble, okay. You will be fine.” Ace said as he turned once again and continued making his way home.

“Did you really need to go that far?” Sabo asked, his heartbeat increased as he tried to calm himself down, but it was pointless, they were going to be sent to juvenilefor this.

“Luffy is going to have a scar on his face for the rest of his life, it was only fair for me to give this fat fuck one as well.” Ace responded calmly as in his mind this was a fair exchange.

“Ace we can get sued for this or worst send to juvenile.”

“I can get sued or sent to juvenile not you, so calm the fuck down before I smash your face, too.” Ace’s tone was stern and warning, he would take all the blame for it if Teach decided to speak to the police. “Also, we don’t know if he will speak to the police.” He shrugged.

“He will, Ace. He will and then we will be in trouble.”

“For fuck’s sake, how many times I need to say that I’ll take the blame and you and your perfect record will be fine.” Ace turned around and screamed in Sabo’s face.

“That is the problem, why you should take all the blame?” Sabo screamed back.

“Because I’m the shitty one of all of us three, okay? So, if one of us must go down it would be me, not you, not Luffy – it will be me.” Ace was screaming on top of his lungs with anger and frustration as this was something his brother would never get. Ace was the cursed one, not they. His whole face has gotten redden from all the screaming and frustration build up in him and Sabo was only adding more fuel to it.

“Why Ace? Why?” Sabo’s voice broke mid sentence. It has always pained him how his brother viewed himself as some monster as some low life who didn’t deserve to be alive in a first place let alone to deserve good things in life. “Why it has to be always you taking the blame for us?” He didn’t receive any answer to his question.

“Let’s just go home.” Was all that Ace said.

Entering the house and stepping into the hallway they heard voices filling up the living room and Luffy’s voice calling their names. Looking down on their bloody knuckles both guys made their way upstairs to clean their hands. It took some time for the blood to wash away but it did eventually. Sabo was the first one to go downstairs while Ace closed the door behind him and locked himself in the bathroom. He set his palms down on the sink with his head hanged low. There was still some blood from earlier on the floor and all of this for what... a joke?

The realisation of what had happened today and what Ace has done hit him like a truck. Taking deep breaths and trying to calm himself down he started to curse under his breath. He was going to be in serious trouble, one where he wasn’t sure how he would be able to come out of.

“Good for nothing as aways.” He murmured to himself before he left the bathroom.

Walking into the living room Ace was faced with everyone – Dogara and Magra sitting together on one of the old armchairs they had which was quite big and on the couch were siting Dadan, Luffy and Koala, Sabo’s best friend and big crush, which he hasn’t confessed yet. Seeing Ace, Luffy jumped from the couch and ran to him, locking his arms around him in a hug.

“Are you better now, Lu?” Ace softly asked his brother as he ruffled his hair. Looking at Sabo and then to Dadan, Ace could tell that she already knew what they have done, and his gut was telling him that she didn’t know from Sabo, she knew from somewhere else. Getting up from the couch Dadan nodded with her head for him and Sabo to follow her in the kitchen to speak in private. Pulling away from Luffy, Ace promised him that he would be back in a second but first he must speak with their foster mother for a second, so he sent his little brother back to Koala on the couch.

Walking into the kitchen where Dadan and Sabo were already, Ace stood next to his blonde brother. Dadan’s eyes were in a tin line as she had crossed her arms across her chest, in her eyes could be read a lot of emotions – from anger, to sadness, to disappointment.

“You two realise what you have done, right?” She finally spoke up. “Why didn’t you call me immediately or the police?” None of the boys said anything at first. “Answer me!” She screamed at them.

“Because what he did needed to be revenged.” Ace hissed at her, his eyes filled with anger once again. “And don’t scream at Sabo, it was all my fa-” What happened next has never happened before in this house. Dadan was many things, but she has never raised her hand to her children, until today. The smack across Ace’s cheek echoed in the kitchen as his head even turned to the side from the impact of her hand.

“You foolish boy. You never listen, you never think before you do something.” Her voice was filled with anger and pain. Her eyes, something that none of the brothers have seen before were filled with tears. “You really are your father’s son. Aways searching for fights and problems, you took nothing from her, nothing. My sister died for nothing. You killed her for nothing.” These words cut like a knife Ace’s heart. Looking up at Dadan and meeting her eyes, same colour as his mother’s made him swallow hard the words he heard and the pain they caused him. “You wanna know how your mother died exactly? She died screaming and begging the doctors to save you over her and till this day I swear that was her biggest mistake.” Tears stared to run down on her tired face as she spoke the words with bitterness and pain over the memory of her dead sister. Ace took a step back as he realised how much he had messed up today and how much this would affect their so-called family.

“Dadan, stop talking to him like this!” Sabo couldn’t stand and listen to such nonsense. He could see that their foster mother was pissed, and she was right that they had fucked up badly, but Ace didn’t deserve this treatment, after all it wasn’t only him who fucked up.

“Shut up Sabo!” She screamed without even looking at him. “Having that piece of shit’s uncle calling me and telling me that we will be sued for money we don’t have because you two decided to beat the shit out of his nephew was my final straw with you, and especially you Ace.” She pointed her finger at him, her whole hand trembling from the frustration. “Why couldn’t you call the police? It was going to be his nephew to be taken away not mine good for nothing one. But no, you had to play it bad boy don’t you, brat?” She yelled once again in his face, but Ace didn’t say a word.

His eyes were fixed on the floor, mind clouded with thoughts. ‘She died for nothing. You killed her for nothing.’ The words were on repeat like a broken tape recorder. He didn’t kill his mom, he would never. He didn’t even ask to be born, why it was his fault that two people sixteen years ago decided to make a child together and it just happened to be him.

“Look at me and listen carefully when I’m talking to you, Ace!” Dadan grabbed his shoulders and shook him. With a clenched jaw and redden eyes Ace locked his focus on hers. “The moment the police come, you will go out now and turn yourself in and you won’t mentioned that Sabo was there with you, am I clear?” She took a step closer to him and Ace only nodded. Hearing this Sabo tried to fight Dadan over it, but she called for Dogora and Magra to take Sabo away as she wanted to be left alone with only Ace. Sabo’s attempts to fight Magra, who was extremely strong, were pointless as he easily lifted the boy and took him upstairs, locking him in his room.  Once they were left alone Dadan turned to Ace again. “Why Ace? Tell me, why are you the way you are?” Instead of answering Ace just asked her a very simple question.

“Why you hate me so much?” His voice was quiet. Ace was tired. He was tired of screaming, tired of fighting. He just wanted to know, why the only blood related person he knew and had in his life hated him so much.

“I don’t hate you Ace.” Dadan took a step back as she turned around walking to the dining table and pulling one of the chairs to sit on it. She placed her elbow on the table and started massaging her temple with her fingers. “I don’t hate you, but you are so hard to love. I pity the woman who will end up with you one day. Poor girl, with a man like you she will probably end up the same way my sister did, six feet under the ground.” She looked at the boy standing in front of her in the middle of the kitchen and her heart broke. She knew she has failed to raise him properly and mostly it was her fault, but blood couldn’t turn into water – at the end of the day he had one of the most wanted criminals’ blood running in his veins, the kid was doomed from the start. Looking at Ace all she could see was Roger, even if he has taken after his mother’s beauty and freckle skin, there was only range and madness in his soul, something that Rouge never possessed, this was all Roger or she wanted to believe that it was all him as she never really got to meet or know him. Her sister aways kept her away from her personal life, but still Dadan loved her regardless. “If you ever fall in love Ace, make sure she doesn’t fall in love with you, too. Try to push her away or something, as much as it pains me to say this... your father’s blood line must end up with you. Whoever ends up with you will suffer.”

Since that night these words never left his mind, they were tattooed, engraved in his brain. What Dadan has said to him was cruel and she regrated it the moment she saw her nephew being taken away by the police. This child who has full of love and life, and she could see it that he had so much of it in himself but never learned how to express it because Dadan herself never showed him how to, would now forever lock himself from the outside world. Because of that night and those words Ace sat his mind on one thing – he would never fall in love and if he did, he would do anything in his power to make the girl who would steal his heart hate him, hate him so much that she would never want to be near him or even hear his name would make her feel disgust. Maybe after all he was meant to be lonely in this world. Because who would love a cursed boy like him?

Seeing (Y/N) jumping out of the car the moment he stopped it in front of her building made his heart ache. He didn’t want to hurt her, let alone make her cry. It took him all his willpower to not run after her and just wrap her in his arms and kiss her. But he couldn’t do this. The moment she put her hand on the back of his neck and ran her fingers in his messy locks while Big Jet Plaine was playing on the background felt like he was hit with thousands of kilowatts of electricity. It was like the Earth stopped spinning and that he was levitating for a moment – all of this by a simple touch by her. And because of it the words which his aunt has told him almost ten years ago echoed in his mind “Whoever ends up with you will suffer and end up like you mom, six feet under.” Ace didn’t want her to suffer because of him, but he couldn’t bring himself to explain to her why they were better of like friends, even if this was becoming such a cliche.

Speeding through the empty streets at this late hour of the night it didn’t take him long to get back to his place. Ace was mad. Mad at himself and the world, but not at (Y/N). Walking to his apartment and locking the door behind himself he threw the keys on the side not even paying attention that they dropped on the floor. Kicking his shoes on the side he made his way to the living room and sat down on the couch. Inhaling and exhaling deep he laid down and looked at the ceiling. His mind was running wild once again. He messed up big time with her this tonight like never before. He made her cry which pained him the most of it all.

“Fuck.” He cursed under his nose as he ran his hands through his hair and pulled it. “How you’re fixing this now deep shit?” Hitting his jawline with his fist Ace cursed once again. He wasn’t sure if he should even try to fix it. She has a date tomorrow, maybe it was for the best that tonight turned out this way.

After all what could Ace offer her? Love? He has never experienced it himself, he didn’t even grow up loved so how could he love another person if he was never taught how it worked. But this wasn’t love, this has to be just lust and nothing else. He couldn’t be in love with her, she couldn’t be in love with him. It has to be a mutual lust, he was aware of how much she wanted to be kissed by him tonight and not only tonight, but he couldn’t allow this. There was this part of him that was afraid that if he crossed this line with her there wouldn’t be a turning back from then on. Trying to gather his thoughts he got up and went to his desk. Before he sat down, he opened one of the big windows in the room to get some cold air in, hoping that it would make him cool off a bit. Pulling his pack of cigarettes out he lit up one and dragged a long smoke from it.

It was like she had engraved herself in his mind as of recently she was always in his thoughts. And it was always the small details about her – they way she would scrunch her nose before she disagrees with something, the way she bit on her lower lip all the time or when she played with her fingers every time, she was nervous. The way that she was always shy the first few minutes when he was around her, only to relax after a few and act like they have been knowing each other for a lifetime when in fact it has been what – three, almost four months now. But the thing that was amusing him the most was the fact that she happened to understand and get him all the time, sometimes even without words, it was like she could see past his bullshits but chose to ignore it instead. But why? Did she feel something more than lust towards him?

This thought made Ace’s blood run cold. She couldn’t. She shouldn’t. She could do so much better than him, after all he was good for nothing, and she... she was everything. She had this uniqueness, this mixture of a pure heart and beautiful mind, there was something way to innocent about her that Ace was afraid if he touched it, he might destroy it. That was why he was calling her – doll, because she was perfect in any sense – perfectly craft from the outside and so beautiful from the inside. There was even a moment where Ace was afraid of developing some Madonna Whore complex for her, but with the unholy thoughts he had in mind and all of them involving her, this fear was out of the window as fast as it came.

Finishing his cigarette and putting it out in the ashtray he had on the desk, he knew that he needed something stronger than cigarettes right now. Going into the kitchen and opening one of the top drawers he picked a bottle of whiskey which was half empty. He usually didn’t have hard alcohol at home, but this one was from the last time when Luffy and Zoro had come over to play games and drink booze. Grabbing the bottle he didn’t bother with taking a glass and drank straight from it. Going back to the living room and taking a sit on the chair in front of his desk he put the bottle to the side.

He needed to cool off, to distract himself but even now, with a pen in hand and a note in front of him all he could think about was her. His eyes were reddened, but not from sadness, it was because of fatigue and despair. Massaging his temple with the tips of his finger, he reached with his left hand for the bottle again. The bitter taste of the alcohol burning down his throat, but he didn’t mind it. Putting it down, he started writing on the note.

I've been callin' you "friend," I might need to give it up

He really needed to give it up. He must give up on whatever it was between him and her before its too late. The ache in his heart came back and his whole face grimaced with pain.

“Fool... how could you let yourself fall...” He whispered to himself as he buried his head on his forearms, his body hunched over the desk. Ace didn’t want to fall in love. No, he mustn’t fall in love. ‘If you ever fall in love Ace, make sure she doesn’t fall in love with you, too.’ These words by his aunt had become very vivid in his memory in the past few weeks, and especially now.

Now I need your help with everything that I do I don't want to lie, I've been relying on you

He couldn’t allow himself to tell her how he felt, but he could always write her a song, or two, or hundred. Ace didn’t want to admit it to himself until now, but she had become his muse, his medicine in a way, but that was where he would draw the line.

Waking up today felt like the hardest task someone could possibly make me done. I was exhausted. From the moment I left the car till probably three or four in the morning I couldn’t stop crying. Lifting my head from the pillow, I sighed when I saw that the whole pillowcase was stained with makeup.

“I doubt this will come off.” I whispered to myself.

Reaching for my phone on the nightstand to see what time it was I saw I had some messages. None of them were from him. They were all from Dave and one from Shanks. I didn’t even manage to unlock my phone when it died as I didn’t put it to charge last night. Sitting up in the bed I looked for my charger and when I saw it, I plugged the phone and let it charge.

My whole body felt tired, no I felt tired, even thought I slept for almost ten hours. Getting up from the bed I slowly made my way to the bathroom. Seeing the state of my face in the reflection of the mirror wasn’t a big surprise for me – puffy eyes and face covered in smudged makeup and hair all over the place. A tired sighed once again left my lips. Taking off whatever was left of the makeup, brushing my teeth and cleaning my face didn’t took away the puffiness and so I decided to take a quick shower.

Stripping down from the clothes I still had on from last night I got into the shower. My body was trembling, and I wasn’t sure if it was because I was an emotional mess or because today was surprisingly cold in my apartment. Adjusting the water and making it almost boiling hot I tried to relax my body. Closing my eyes and letting the water run down my body I wrapped my arms around myself. Everything from last night played vividly in my mind, from the moment he picked me up to the moment he dropped me off. I bit on my lips as I felt a new wave of tears falling from my closed eyes as I tried to stop the sob which was threatening to leave my lips. Why was he doing this to me? Was this some kind of a sick mind play? One second, he was all nice and carrying, and the next he switched to a cold uncaring person, and it was like this every time, and I had enough of this. Opening my eyes I took a deep breath in and decided to focus on something else and try my best to think of everything else but him.

Getting out of the shower and changing into more comfortable clothes I laid in my bed again. Seeing that my phone had charged a bit I unplugged it and checked all the messages I had. The one from Shanks was him asking me if I want to take some shifts at the beginning of the year to which I responded with yes and it also hit me that New Years is in two days. Then I moved to the messages from Dave. The last one of the many he had sent was ‘If you don’t want to go let me know :)’.

I felt so bad. Dave was such a nice person, especially to me, and he didn’t deserve such behaviour from me, for which I typed a quick message: ‘Sorry for the late response, I wasn’t feeling good yesterday, so I felt asleep super early and just woke up. Ofc, we are up for it. Send me the address and what time I should be there ^^’. Even though I wanted to spend the whole day buried in my bed away from everyone and everything, I had made a promise and I was going to keep it.

He responded almost immediately, and we agreed on meeting at six pm as the screening starts at seven. I couldn’t stop myself but thinking of last night and what certain someone told me – ‘Go on the date. Give the guy a chance.’ and maybe I should do this, but this wouldn’t be fair for Dave. Unlike the person who had engraved himself in my mind and hear, I could not lead someone on, not someone who I actually consider a friend and mostly someone I cared for.

Dave greeted me with a hug as aways and I tried my best to fake my smile, not because I didn’t want to see him, but because my mind was elsewhere. Seeing Dave didn’t bring any type of excitement in me even thought I wish it did. He was a very good-looking guy, and he was so nice on top of it, he was the full package, but the spark wasn’t there. But as the guy who had not just caused a spark in my heart but had caused fires in it said – give the guy a chance, so I was determined that tonight I would try to look at Dave in a different light, even if it would be the hardest thing to do due to the fact that certain someone shattered my heart not even twenty-four hours ago, despite this I would try.

“How have you been? You look tired.” Dave said as we pulled away from the hug.

“Oh, yes. I’m just pretty tired, I’m helping my uncle with his bar and yes long shift.” I took a deep breath in and then out as I chuckled. “How are you? Haven’t seen you in a long time.”

“Good, spending most of my time with family and friends.” He replied with a big smile on his face. “Um, should we get inside? We can grab something to drink before the movie starts.” He pointed with his thumb towards the cinema entrance, and I nodded. Lifting his arm slightly to me I got the hint and wrapped mine with his and we made our way inside.

We grabbed some drinks and snacks as and sat in the cinema bar chitchatting about everything and anything. It was very easy to be relaxed and calm around Dave, he was a pure sunshine, but he had to call me out all the time because I just kept zooming out.

“Dave, I’m so sorry, I promise you I listen.” I apologetically smiled at him.

“It’s okay, it’s not like I can be mad at you.” He said and his fingers gently brushed mine. But there was nothing - no sparkle, no electricity, no excitement.

“Of course you can.” I protested. “I have been a very bad friend to you in the past few weeks and yet you are always so nice to me.” I meant every word that I said and knowing that he had feelings, and I didn’t was killing me from the inside. I couldn’t fake something that wasn’t there in a first place. I couldn’t fake a feeling.

“Um, yes actually there is something I want to speak with you about or well more like something I have to tell you.” He gave me one of his charming smiles as his tawney skin got a slightly heated. Running a hand through his curls he was struggling with finding the right words. Panic took over me as I knew what was coming and I wasn’t ready for it and because of it I interrupted him.

“My God, look at the time, we should go. I love watching the trailers before the movie starts.” I jumped from the chair and grabbed the popcorns Dave bought. He was a little surprised by my sudden outburst but laughed it off and followed me with the rest of the things. I had three hours to gather my mind and find the best way to tell Dave that out feelings weren’t mutual, and I was praying to whatever power was out there that he was just having crush on me which hasn’t developed into something more and deep, because I didn’t want to shatter his heart the same way mine was.

“Sh, it’s okay.” Dave had his arms wrapped around me as we were still siting in our seats ten minutes after the movie finished as I was crying my eyes out. I was always a crying mess after watching ‘Interstellar’ but today was probably the hardest I have cried on this movie, but it was clear to me that the reason to cry this much wasn’t only the film. Lifting my head from his chest he cupped my face and wiped my tears away. “Come on let’s get going before they kick us out.” He laughed and I agreed with him.

It was dark and even colder outside than when we came. Dave was holding me close to him as he noticed how I was trembling from the cold.

“Please, you declined my offer to pick you up at least let me drive you back home.”

“Are you sure? You live five minutes away and I live like thirty.” I didn’t want him to waste him time with dropping me off and then getting back home. “I can get the metro.”

“No, please (Y/N), I insist.” He squeezed my shoulders like he was silently begging me to let him drive me home.

“You won’t take ‘no’ as an answer, will you?” I chuckled and he shook his head, making us both laughed in unison. Playfully rolling my eyes I nodded with my head and made him lead the way to his car.

On the way to my place, we were talking for the movie mostly but then we switched to more personal subjects like I never knew that he had a little sister and a big brother, for which I joked with him that as a middle child it did explain why he took on becoming a filmmaker and we laughed about it. Then I told him a bit about my family, and this made me realise that until now, all we have ever talked about was movies or school things which were again related to films and filmmaking. We never got to know each other on a personal level until now. Which made me sad in a way that maybe if I have had the opportunity to get to know him before I met a certain dark raven-haired man, maybe just then these feelings Dave had for me would have been mutual.

“Dave.” I said his name and took a deep breath. He was stopping the car in front of my building, and I wanted to speak up first, because in my mind it was better if I tell him that I see him as a friend only before he tells me whatever he has in mind.

“Please, before you say anything I need to tell you something.” He took my hand in his and ran his thumb over my knuckles.

“Dave, no.” I pulled my hand back and cursed myself as I knew what was coming. “Look, I... I didn’t know that you view this as a date until... until last night honestly.” I was struggling to find the right words after I saw how his whole face and mood changed. “And I didn’t want to believe what I have been told that you have crush on me, and I do hope that it’s only a crush because I swear Dave you are the last person I want to hurt.” My voice cracked at the end from seeing the way sadness took over his features. “I... I just don’t see you in this way Dave and I’m so, so sorry. If I leaded you on somehow, I’m... I’m sorry Dave, but it wasn’t on purpose, I swear.” Tears started falling from my face again. I wasn’t sure if it was because of how guilty I was feeling to not share the same feelings as his or because I knew how much it hurt to be rejected by someone you like.

Dave took a deep breath in and turned to look at me. He gave me a small smile that didn’t reach the corner of his eyes at all. Then he reached with his hand and wiped away my tears.

“I understand.” He quietly said as he took away his hand from my cheek. “It’s partly my fault, I could see it that your mind was, and I suppose is still somewhere else and... well...” He clicked with his tongue as the bitterness of the rejection was filling his heart and mind. Silence took over as neither of use dared to say something or move. “With risk to overstep my boundaries with you... is there something I could do to change your mind?”

I tilted my head on the side a bit confused by his question, but before I could response he reached with his hand once again and pulled my head closer to him. His lips gently crashed on mine... but there was nothing - no sparkle, no electricity, no excitement. My skin didn’t get any goosebumps, my heart wasn’t set on fire, my mind was somewhere else... my mind was on somebody else. I tried to return the kiss, but it was pointless, and Dave felt it too. Breaking the kiss, he just gently caressed my cheek and then let go of it.

“You didn’t feel anything, did you?” His voice was quiet, and I could sense the pain behind it.

“I’m sorry, Dave.” I whispered.

“And so am I.” He whispered back and then cleared his throat. “But hey, cheer up. I still want to be your friend, and I will be if you want me to.” He gave me a sincere smile one that reached the corner of his eyes as usual.

“Oh, Dave.” I said as I wrapped my arms around him in a very tight hug. “I want to and I love having you around, but I know how much it would hurt you and I don’t want this for you.” My head was buried in the crook of his neck. “I don’t want to see you hurt.”

The past two days have exhausted me so much emotionally – first Ace, then Dave. It was like my life has turned into some soap opera, the kind of series I hated the most and on top of it I was the main character. At the same time there was something ironic and comedic in the whole situation – while I was rejected by a certain someone in a very unspoken way, I kind of did the same thing to somebody else, for which I guess was my own karma.

Since I woke up in the morning today my head was killing me as I haven’t stopped crying. Everything in the past two days was too much for me to take. The worst part was that I was left in the dark. Since last night so many questions have arisen in me – did Ace really didn’t feel anything for me? Did he only saw me as a friend? And if he did – why the pet names? Why the small gestures? Why have we had so many intimate moments which all of them almost ended with a kiss? I might be very bad with getting hints, but I doubt that ‘regular’ friends or even ‘best’ friends have had such shared moments.

The questions were too many and yet the answers couldn’t be found. I was mad at him. I was hurt by him. I wanted to confront him so bad, yet knowing myself, I knew that I would crack the moment I face his deep brown eyes that I have fallen in love with. I knew that the moment I see him again and he calls me doll or whatever he comes up with, no matter how much pain and distress he has caused me I would be willing to forgive him. Which led me in this situation in a first place. He had turned himself into a soft spot for me which led to all of this happening, because he knew, he was fully aware that I was ready to forgive him easily the moment he sweettalked me again. But not this time.

“Fuck.” I cursed. This wasn’t the first time I have had promised myself this, I was like a broken record, repeating the same thing and then do the exact same thing over and over again. I was like a broken record. “Fucking Ace.” I cried into my pillow.

As I was lost in thoughts my phone vibrates, indicating that I have received a message. I grabbed the phone and saw that it was a message from Luffy - ‘Wanna go for a walk later?’. That took me by surprise. I haven’t seen him since the beginning of the month when we went to the club together. But it didn’t matter, I wasn’t in a mood to go out today at all. I needed a day by myself – isolated from anyone and anything. I quickly responded to him that I wasn’t feeling very well so we should leave it for some other day, but he wasn’t having it. He started spamming me with messages until I agreed, but I told him that it would be after seven pm as I didn’t want to go out now while it was still some sunlight outside. ‘YES, see u around 8pm then – I’ll wait for u outside ur place :D’ was the last message he sent me.

It was almost eight pm when I got up from bed and dressed myself in some leggings and a hoodie, I didn’t bother putting a makeup or fixing my hair, even though I looked like a mess with puffy eyes and dark cercles under them, after all we were going to just take a walk in the park near by. I put my jacket and boots on and went out as I received a message from Luffy that he was downstairs.

“Wow, you look like shit.” Was the first thing he said to me when he saw me exciting the building. “No, sorry (Y/N), I meant it like – are you okay?” He came closer to me and wrapped his arms around me, pulling me in a tight hug. I swallowed hard before I replied that I was fine.

“Come on you blew my phone off to go for a walk, let’s get going.” I tried to fake a smile when we pulled apart.

We slowly made our way to the park. Luffy was babbling for anything and everything and I tried to focus on the conversation, but it was very hard. My mind was nowhere and everywhere at the same time. I wanted to be present here and now, but it was an impossible task.

The park was almost empty as it was quite chill outside, the only passing by people were the one who had their dogs out for a walk or the one who were doing their evening jogging. Despite that it was dark already and something in the night air felt super heavy. I wasn’t sure if it was from the headache I had from all the crying in the past few days, but it felt like I had a bad lucid dream. Everything was like in a slow mode and my mind was just not present.

“(Y/N), hey (Y/N).” Luffy waved with his hand in front of my face. I shook my head as I realised, he had been calling my name and looked at him.

“I’m sorry Luffy. What were you saying?”

“Wanna sit for a moment. You don’t look good, have you eaten today?” He nodded with his head towards one of the benches in the park and wrapped his arm around my shoulder leading me there to sit.

“Yes, I did.” I lied. “I’m fine Luffy, just tired that is all.” I gave him a small sincere smile as we sat down on the bench. Luffy took a deep breath in and exhaled as he propped his elbows on his legs and looked at me from over his shoulder.

“You are not fine, you don’t need to lie to me.” He looked me in the eyes and shook his head. “And I’m sure this has something to do with my brother.”

“Wha-... why are you... like no, it has nothing to do with your brother.” I tried to brush it off, but Luffy just clicked with his tongue.

“I might be not as bright or smart like them and I know that I’m usually super goofy and even childish at times, but I’m not stupid, (Y/N).” He winked at me as he straitened his posture and chuckled. “Ace made me check up on you.” My eyes shoot wide open when he said this.

“What?” I wasn’t sure that I heard him right.

“Ace texted me today to check up on you but didn’t give me any explanation why for but judging by the state you are right now...” Luffy took a deep breath before continuing. “Look, I know that something is obviously going on between you two and knowing my brother... he is fucking it up big time.” He took my cold hand in his and gave it a squeeze. “But he does care about you a lot, otherwise he wouldn’t have made me check up on you.” Hearing this I couldn’t help but laughed out loud.

“If he cared so much about me, he would have come himself not sent you.” I could feel the tears treating to fall from my eyes again.

“I guess you are right, but Ace... well, Ace is Ace, and he does care believe it or not, but I know my brother and h-” I didn’t let Luffy finish his sentence as I interrupted.

“Luffy.” I took a deep breath before I continue because I was on the verge of a break down. “You know your brother as your brother and not as... as... God I can’t even find the words to describe what your brother is to me.” I pulled my hand from Luffy’s and buried my fingers in my hair pulling it a bit as I was losing my mind.

 “(Y/N) please calm down.” Luffy’s deep brown eyes so similar to the ones I fell in love with and filled up with worry. “God, I shouldn’t have told you this at all. Ace is going to kill me.”

“Oh, so I wasn’t supposed to know that he sent you?” I snorted out a bitter laugher. This whole situation was getting ridiculous. Before Luffy had the chance to answer I got up from the bench and started walking fast towards the metro station. Luffy immediately got up and followed me, calling me to stop.

“Please (Y/N) wait.” Luffy caught up to me and made me stop by grabbing my arm. “Calm down first and where are you going? Your place is in the other direction.” He gave me a confused look.

“To your brother’s place.” I replied and jerked my arm from his as I started walking fast again.

“You don’t even know if he is home or not.” Luffy screamed after me which made me turned around and look at him.

“Is you brother home Luffy?” My patience was wearing thin.

“I actually don’t know.” He wasn’t lying I could see that he didn’t.

“Well then I plan to find this out.”

I'm sick, and I'm tired too I can admit, I am not fireproof

Ace was hunched over his desk with his head propped on his palms. The headache he has had in the past two day was killing him, but he didn’t plan to do anything to fix it. The floor around him was covered with crumpled or torn apart paper. He couldn’t get her out of his mind, not like she has left it ever since they cross paths for a first time but in the two past days it was different.

Fallin' again I need a pick-me-up

His last two days were like hell – all he did was stay at home and smoke away his brain. His bandmates had blown his phone with messages and calls, but he only bothered to text Deuce back and let him know that he wasn’t going to rehearse with them this week. Which caused another wave of messages from mostly his brother Sabo, but Ace just ignored him. Still, he had opened the message app so many times as he has typed so many messages to only one person, just to delete them before pressing send. Ace knew that he fucked up badly with her and he was torn apart between trying to fix things or just let it be. His mind was telling him to just let go and not bother her ever again, but his heart... his heart wanted nothing else but her.

Guilty was eating him alive. What was he thinking when he took her out? Why did he take her out in a first place? Even though he didn’t want to admit it to himself, Ace did it because he was jealous. Hearing that this guy, David or Dave whatever his name was, was planning to take her out and confess his feelings for her struck a never in him, that was why he acted spontaneously the moment he saw his friend Yamato’s story on Instagram. Which now he realised it was a big mistake. He shouldn’t have done this. Ace didn’t think it through back then but by any means that “hang out” two nights ago was a date by all definitions. And now he was suffering and made her suffer the consequences of his jealousy and indecision. Indecision because he couldn’t let himself have her but also the thought of another guy having her was killing him. How was he supposed to let her go and move on with his life when she had him on such chokehold?

“Fuck, fuck, fuck.” Ace cursed loudly as he hit his jawline with his fist. Hitting himself wasn’t enough of a punishment for making her cry, for hurting her.

Earlier today he had texted his younger brother to check on her as he couldn’t bring himself to do so. He was aware that she was mad and probably hurt by him, but he wanted at least to know if she was okay and taking care of herself, but he was also curious – did she go to the date with that guy? And if she did, did she enjoy it? Did she enjoy it more than any of the times she had spent with Ace? All these questions were circulating in his mind, and he hoped that Luffy won’t fuck it up and get them out of her, but he wasn’t aware of the date so the only thing Ace would find out was if she was still sad or not.

I feel it burning me, I feel it burning you I hope I don't murder me, I hope I don't burden you

Luffy had texted him an hour ago that he was waiting for her outside her apartment building to go for a walk and apparently it took him a long time to convince her in a first place to even go out.

“You better not fuck this up Luffy.” Ace murmured as he knew how bad his brother was with keeping his mouth shut sometimes but he was his only option right now. For a first time ever in his life Ace felt like a coward. He didn’t have the courage to face (Y/N), because what was he going to tell her – “hey I’m kind of in love with you, but also can’t be with you for your own good, so we still can be friends, right?” Friend? Even he couldn’t buy this lie anymore. They were never friends to begin with, but calling each other such was the only option, which now was out of the window.

It has started to rain outside and the streets were dark and foggy. Ace was standing next to the window as he was smoking probably his fifteenth cigarette if the day. The cold air coming from outside was blazing his skin as he had only a pair of grey sweatpants hanged on his hips. The circles under his eyes were dark, even as a person with narcolepsy he had barely slept these days. He was impatiently waiting for a text from his brother to know how their walk went and most importantly how was (Y/N). Closing his eyes shut he leaned his head on his arm which was propped on the window as he took one last drag of his cigarette before he threw it out. Just as he threw the cigarette his phone buzzed, it was a message from Luffy – ‘Don’t kill me, but I fucked up…’

Swim with me I think I can see the beach I know what's underneath I need you here with me but we're out in the open

Ace was about to throw his phone angrily across the room when he heard his doorbell ring followed with a loud bang on it and froze on the spot. This better not be who he thought it might be. Another determined knock and ring followed which made him shake his head and head to the door. Opening the door he didn’t have time to react or say anything as he was met with a slap across his face. ‘I deserve this.’ He thought to himself as he could recognise the softness of these fingers without even looking at the person in front of him.

“You fucking asshole.” You yelled in his face. He was standing by the door with his head a bit to the side as you have slapped it. Slapping him across the face was something you didn’t want to do but the moment he stood up in front of you just couldn’t control yourself. He just opened the door wilder and pulled you in before closing it. Then he finally dared to look at you.

There you were. Standing in front of him, soaking wet from the rain with your hair messed up from it and eyes red and puffy. Your whole body was trembling from the cold, but also from all the emotions bubbling inside of you. You looked like a mess.

“What are you doing here, doll?” His voice was quite and very raspy as he hasn’t spoken in days, in fact he hasn’t, the only words that have left his lips was when he was cursing himself out.

“Don’t you dare calling me this ever again.” Your voice was full of rage and pain, and it hurt him to hear it like this. It was always like a sweet melody to listen to it, but now hearing you for a first time ever like this, it made his heart aches mostly because he was the reason why you were in such state. Instead of saying something Ace just turned his back at you and walked away as he couldn’t bring himself to face you. “Don’t walk away you coward.” You called after him as you followed not even bothering to take your boots off as you entered his living room.

If I meet you in the middle, maybe we could agree You make me feel little how you're looking at me

He was a coward and you had all the rights to call him such. Standing in the middle of the living room with his back facing you he couldn’t bring himself to turn around, not when you were looking at him like this. You had never looked at him with so much rage and mostly disappointment. But he deserved it.

“Look at me, Ace.” You said to him as he was just adding to your rage when he was refusing to face at you. “Stop ignoring me and look at me when I’m talking to you.” Your heart was tearing apart, even now when you were standing in front of him, you had to beg for his attention which was only adding to his disrespect towards you. You grabbed his hand trying to make him turn around only for him to yanked it away from you. “You will not make a joke out of me again.”

Feeling your fingers on the bare skin on his hand made his whole-body burn, but hearing your words was like a stab in his heart which made him turn around immediately and finally face you.

His eyes were as tired as yours. Now when he was finally facing you, you were able to take better look at him. You have never seen Ace in such state, he looked defeated and lost at the same time, there was no trace left of the usual cocky playfully and confident man you knew, this… this wasn’t the Ace you were used to see and this caught you by surprise.

If I told you that I loved you Tell me, what would you say?

“I have never ever made a joke out of you nor disrespected you, doll.” A little spark of anger crossed his eyes as he slowly said this with a very stern tone. How could you say this? How could you even think of such thing? Him disrespecting you? Making fun out if you? He would never do such thing to you, not you of all people.

“Oh, you have never done such thing?” You laughed in his face as you took a step back as you needed some space from him to breathe. “You, of all people, have done the biggest fool out of me by your actions Ace.” Your voice was raised loudly again. “Sending your brother to check up on me? Are you fucking kidding me? And, and you- ” you pointed out your finger at him. “You dared to send him, to check on me because you are so, so worried about me that you don’t fucking bother to be man enough and do it yourself?” You have never screamed at a person before, but there was aways a first time.

Ace was just standing in front of you. You were right, he wasn’t a man enough to check up on you and not only this he wasn’t a man enough to even tell you why he couldn’t. He wasn’t man enough to just say fuck it and grab you in his arms and tell you to calm down and just kiss your pain away. Maybe after all he wasn’t as grown up as he thought he was. Maybe after all he was still a lost child who had no idea how to deal with love, let alone how to show or voice it. Instead, he just stood there frozen if front of you while his mind and heart were going crazy. His heart was screaming, no it was begging him to just pour out itself to you, yet his mind was telling him that the best thing he should do was to break whatever you two had between each other and move on. But how could he do this? Which was the right thing to do?

“Say something you fucking coward.” You cried out. Tears started running down your cheeks. You couldn’t hold them anymore, it was too much and with him just standing there not saying anything, felt like someone was burning you alive.

Hearing your cry, Ace finally looked you in the eyes. It took all his willpower to not reached with his hand to wipe away the tears falling from your them. The tears that he caused. Because he knew that if he did this, he would break his act, and he couldn’t afford to do this. Swallowing hard he finally opened his mouth to speak.

“Look, doll I-”

“Don’t call me that.” You hissed at him.

“(Y/N).” He took a breath in as he ran his hands through his hair. “I’m sorry, okay? I’m fucking sorry if I made you feel this way, but do-” Ace stopped himself as he was about to call you ‘doll’ again. But that was the thing – you were his doll, because in his eyes there were no flaws in you just like porcelain dolls, which were so perfectly crafted, yet one rough touch and they might break, for which he was afraid that he would break you if he dared to bare his soul and heart for you because his hands weren’t clean and he wouldn’t dare to destroy something so perfect as you, so he must admire you from afar. “(Y/N), I’m sorry if I messed up our friendship and mostly if I made you feel this was, but I swear, I would never ever even think of doing such thing to you.”

“What friendship, Ace?” You bitterly chuckled. “Were we ever truly friends?”

He didn’t know how to respond to this question – no, he didn’t want to respond to this question, not that he didn’t know the answer to it.

“I don’t have any other ‘friend’ or should I specify a male friend that calls me ‘doll’ or even ‘baby’ from time to time. I don’t have friends who takes me out for…” You were afraid to say it out loud, but you had nothing to lose anymore tonight, you were determined - tonight was the night where all cards from your side were coming to the table. “Fuck this I’m calling it what it was, this ‘hang out’ two nights ago was a fucking date, wasn’t it?”

The moment you called it a date he looked away. It was hard enough for him when he had to admit it to himself but admitting it to you was something he wasn’t ready to do. He didn’t do dates, he didn’t go to dates until you. Actually, he haven’t done even one bit of the things he had done for you for another girl ever, but he wasn’t going to admit this to you.

“Fucking coward, you can’t even admit this.” You laughed through tears as you clicked with your tongue. “I’m done pretending, Ace.” Lifting your hands in the air and dropping them down defeatedly you took a deep breath before continuing. “I don’t want to be your friend anymore… no, I… I can’t be your friend. God, I never wanted to be your friend, but I tried to, I swear I tried but… but…” Tears were blurring your vision as you knew that from what you were about to say there was no coming back. “The only reason why I can’t be your friend is not because I don’t want to, but because I’m in love with you.”

If I told you that I hated you Would you go away?

These words cut though his heart like a knife. Usually when you hear that the person who you also happened to have feelings for shares them you were supposed to be happy, to be on cloud nine, weren’t you? But Ace wasn’t like most people, he was he and this alone was his biggest punishment. With what he said next, he knew that not only your, but his heart would break as well.

“Look, doll.” He started not daring to look at you. Ace had his eyes locked on the wall where the big sideboard with pictures. “I’m sorry if I gave you the wrong signals or made you think that there would be something more happening between us, but…” He could feel his heart breaking, he didn’t mean any of these words, but he had decided – he was going to listen to his mind and not his heart, which meant only one thing – breaking yours. “But it’s not mutual, okay?”

Tears had stopped falling from your face as you were carefully listening and observing him. His jawline was clenched and so were his fists, his whole body was tensed and you could see and clearly hear that he was struggling with his words, and most importantly… he didn’t dare to look at you while saying this.

“Then why have you done so many gestures towards me? Hell Ace, let’s not act like we haven’t almost kissed so many times.” You were going to dig deep into this. Tonight you were going to get your answers.

“Have you seen yourself, doll?” Ace chuckled sarcastically, shaking his head in disbelief as he heard your question. “I’m a guy and you are an extremely attractive girl, of course I want to fuck you, are you crazy?” He laughed out loud as he tried to hide the pain behind his words. It wasn’t like they weren’t true, but he would have never said it in such vulgar way if he didn’t try to push you away.

“You could have done it many times.” You answered with bitterness as you have never heard him speak so vulgarly with you about you, but you were honest with him. If all he ever wanted from you was a quick fuck he could have done it already and move on with his life not play friends with you.

“Could’ve, should’ve but I never did, thanks Luffy and his friends as if you haven’t been their friend I would have used you already and forget about you.” He turned away from you when he said this. He didn’t mean it and he wanted to kill himself for saying this to you. But he had to let you go.

“Use me?” You whispered in disbelief. This couldn’t be, he couldn’t have done such thing – no, the Ace that you knew wouldn’t dare to say such thing to you, he might have been an asshole, but this… this was crossing all the lines. “Is that why you were calling me doll all the time? Because you saw me as nothing more but a girl with whom you can play your twisted mind games?” You didn’t get any response as he was still facing away from you. “I don’t buy this bullshit, Ace.” Taking a few steps towards him you moved to stand in front of him and didn’t let him face you away. He was lying. He must be lying. “Say it to my face.” You were looking at him, eyes focused on his, yet for a thousand time tonight he refused to meet them.

He couldn’t bring himself to do such thing. It was hard enough to say it without looking at you, but to look at you and say such words, he could never. He just hoped that you would break up any second now and leave his place and him for good.

“I don’t believe you, Ace.” You repeated yourself. “I don’t believe that all you wanted from me was a quick fuck, especially when you had the opportunity many times.” Placing your right hand on his face you had to use a little bit of a force to make him look at you, but he finally did. You were so close to each other once again. His deep brown eyes were pierced in yours and in that moment an idea and the courage to say it out loud came to you. “Let’s make a deal, shall we?” You asked, eyes not moving from his. He didn’t reply as he was waiting for you to voice your ‘deal’. “Kiss me.” Was all you said which made him push away your hand and take a step back as he looked at you as you were out of your mind.

“What the fuck? Didn’t you just hear what I’ve told you?” He couldn’t believe that you really asked him this, off all things, everything else but this.

“Yes, I did.” You took a step closer to him again.

“Why should I kiss you? Where is the deal in this?” A puff of air left his lips in a makeshift laughter. Where were you going with this?

Rolling your shoulders back and straightening you posture you swallowed hard before you speak up again.

“It’s super simple.” You said. “You kiss me and if you feel nothing, not even the slightest but of a spark then… then I’m gone and we pretend that this has never happened… that this whole ‘friendship’ or whatever it is, was, has never happened and.. and…” You bit on your lips hard as you needed a moment before you could finish your sentence. “And we become strangers.” Saying this you looked away from him as you were afraid of what was to happen next.

Both of you stood frozen in the middle of his living room. None of you dared to move or looked at the other. Ace couldn’t bring himself to kiss you as he knew if he just tasted your lips once he wouldn’t be able to stop and he would be craving more and more of you. He licked his lower lip as he glanced at you – you looked so broken and defeated, and he was the one who had done this to you. His heart ached like never before. He had never felt such pain, but there was a first time for everything. A deep sigh left his lips as he shook his head.

“Just go home, we are done here.”

“No, Ace we are no d-”

“Yes, we are done. I don’t want you, okay. This shit is not mutual get it your pretty head.” He was grateful that you didn’t dare to look at him when he screamed at you as you had your head facing the floor. Ace didn’t want to startle nor scream at you, but he had no choice, because he could feel it in himself that if you stood a minute longer here he would break and not only kiss you but just take you in his arms and carry you to his bedroom and show you how much you mean to him.

He had never yelled or acted like this towards you which took you by surprise. It wasn’t like you weren’t aware that Ace had a dark side, but he had never showed it to you. Maybe you didn’t know him that well after all and maybe you were wrong – he might not be lying after all. Maybe he did not feel anything towards you and all you were to him was exactly a doll – something he was having fun with whenever he felt like it.

“Now fucking leave (Y/N).”

Hearing your name leaving his lips meant that he didn’t need to tell you twice. With a trembling lip and eyes full of tears once again you ran away. You opened and closed the front door of his apartment, but the loud sob that threatened to leave your lips escaped before you were able to close the door behind you. You called for the elevator and thankfully it took a few seconds to come. You couldn’t believe it. That was it. That was going to be the last time you and Ace see each other, because after tonight you couldn’t bring yourself to see him ever again. If two nights ago he shattered your heart, then tonight he just ripped it out of your chest and broke it into a million peace. Entering the elevator, you leaned on the wall of it and pressed the palm of your hand to your lips as the moment the door closed another agonised sob had left your lips.

You ran pass him without looking at him, but he did look at you and he could feel his breath leaving his lungs from the sight of your pained face. The sob that left your lips a second before you shut the front door close didn’t slip his ears. Ace could feel his own heart breaking from the pain he had caused you. This was for best. You were going to hate him now but be thankful later in life that he didn’t let you fall further. Right?

But if he was so sure that he had made the right decision then why did he found himself running down the stairs trying to make it in time to the first floor before the elevator hits it. Why did he run out of his apartment so fast and was running down the staris, skipping more than one step at times only to make sure to reach you in time. If he was so sure that he had made the right decision not even a minute ago, why was he standing in front of the elevator’s door waiting for them to open in less than a second from now?

Swim with me I think I can see the beach Just don't look underneath us I need you here with me but we're out in the open

The elevator’s door open and your breath got caught up in your lungs. What was he doing here? Didn’t he hurt you enough? Both of his hands were propped on each side of the elevator as he was trying to catch up his breath, his chest raising and falling fast with each breath while his head was hanged low. The elevator door started to close but Ace put his hand and stopped it and finally looked at you.

It was like his body was working against his will and mind, like his heart has taken control over it and he couldn’t control himself anymore. Before you could say anything as you part your lips with a questionable look written all over your face, he cut the distance between you two and you were in his arms. Pinning you against the elevator’s mirrored wall with his whole body pressed on your, he had one hand on your waist and the other one on the back of your head. You didn’t have a time to react or protest when his lips crashed into yours. At first you were frozen on the spot, shocked from this sudden turn of events, but your hands quickly found their way to his dark messy locks and you buried your fingers in them. His lips felt soft and warm on yours making you melt under his touch. The kiss was burning with passion, the way his lips had captured yours, so aggressively and desperate, yet softly and needy. With your lips parted slightly it allowed his tongue to slip inside causing a little gasp to escape them. He pulled you even closer to his body as if it was possible to get any closer than this and deepened the kiss.

He couldn’t stop. Your lips were like a drug, and he just tasted them for a first time, yet he was already addicted. All his sense everything in him screamed and begged him to pull away from you, even his lungs as they were out of air, but he couldn’t. It was so wrong, yet so right. You in his arms with your lips pressed together while your tongues were met in a burning desire of bottled-up feelings. He could taste the salty taste of your tears on your lips caused by him. You were too good for him, and he didn’t deserve you.

‘Whoever ends up with you will be cursed.’ His aunt words echoed in his mind again. This alone made him pull away and break the kiss apart. Ace opend his eyes and found you with your eyes still closed as you were left breathless with your now puffy lips. He didn’t want to let go of you. Not now, not ever. Not when he has finally done what he was dreaming of doing since that day you two had met. With one hand holding you still steady and close to him on the back of your waist like if you decide to run away, he would not let you go, he moved the one from the back of your neck to your cheek caressing it gently. The skin of your face was so soft and even in your worst state you were still flawless and breathtaking for him. He ran his thumb over your lips – tracing the shape of them and feeling the softness of them, making sure that he would remember it good as the moment you opened your eyes, he let go of you and took a step back.

“A deal is a deal.” He said as he leaned with his hands on the mirror caging you between him and the wall, but his eyes weren’t on you. Ace was looking at himself as he could speak with hatred only at himself. Swallowing hard he spoke up again. “I felt nothing, doll.” His voice was quite and raspy.

He might have not been looking at you, but you were looking at him. Why was he doing this to you? To himself? To you both? You weren’t stupid and he was obviously lying. Because his body and face didn’t match his words. He was in pain, and you could read it all over him, you didn’t need to look in his eyes to know this. But what gave away was the way he kissed you. You didn’t kiss someone with such passion, such need and desire if you didn’t feel anything for them – and Ace kissed you with all this and more. His kiss was burning with desire, not lust – desire. So why was he lying? Why was he hurting you both?

“Liar.”

END NOTE: Damn... what a roller coaster of feelings, hu? I hope you don't hate me much ♡ But this scene and this turn of events have been in my mind for a long, long time so you must understand I had to make it this way, but now as you have read about Ace's past I'm sure that you understand why he is and acts the way he does, because all he needs and wants is love, yet he is been told all his life that he isn't worthy of it... ALSO I GOT MY ELEVATOR, which I just added one sentence in chapter 5 where it says that it was out of service that first time Reader went to his place. Anyway I really do hope that despite the pain these two went through in this chapter you enjoyed reading it and as aways feel free to like, comment, reblog and message me regardless what you thought of it ♡ Thank you for reading my works once again ♡

writing, format & dividers © cinnamoonblue fanart @a_phu14 on IG ©cinnamoonblue, do not copy or plagiarise my work.

[wowstrawberrycow]

Expanding!

I am really wanting to write drabbles for Elrond and Thranduil. But, before I dive in I've been trying to develop my own head canons for my au. This doesn't mean I will stop writing for Gimli and Legolas though. I adore them far too much! 😍

Here's my head canons! I personally think Elrond and Thranduil would balance each other very well.

Thranduil

Definitely a bi-guy and is 100% a disaster.

Is both Barbie and Ken at the same time, or separately depending on his mood. I say this because I canon him to have a perfect blend of fem and masculine styles that are glamorous. No pun intended (we all know he uses glamor). The way he carries himself is very much like a popular girl at the mall (Barbie) but is athletically masculine (Ken).

100% brat energy.

Can easily be a party 'girl' without that effecting his masculinity in anyway.

I imagine he probably does wear makeup from time to time.

I could see him being a very sexually charged individual.

Has heavy trust issues that cause him to keep people at a distance. I'm wanting to say because he is secretly sensitive he does this to avoid getting hurt.

Overly emotional and overly dramatic. He is the drama king!

He gives me the air of someone who is wildly insecure, with very low self-esteem, and poor body image; who hides behind a hyper confident mask.

After losing his wife (the main form of stability in his life) he turned to alcoholism and hides behind a false party persona.

Is absolutely terrified of anything happening to his son. Is extremely overbearing to the point where he has projected his own fears onto legolas and has accidentally been pushing them (I canon legolas to be a they/them) away.

Tries to be supportive but falls flat because he is a helicopter parent.

He for sure did not let Legolas out of his sight until they were in their equivalent of teen elf years. This made his son grow even more rebellious causing a rift in both their lives.

I think it absolutely destroyed him inside to let Legolas go out into the world in the movies. But, he did so because he had to let go eventually. Hanging on tightly would make him lose his son forever

Will argue with Legolas about leaving the palace to go fight the spiders and other creatures in forest very much the way Ariel's dad does when Ariel goes to the surface in the little mermaid movie.

Definitely needs guidance from a Dom.

He is a single mom. Again this doesn't effect his pronouns.

Trauma survivor with PTSD 😢

Elrond

Also a bi-guy but is not a disaster.

For sure has a responsible dad vibe and will go out of his way for his kids.

In fact, he gives off the air that he's the communal dad. #Dadfriend

family man through and through.

I imagine that he is the type of dad to casually tell embarrassing stories about the 'kids' in his life or anyone he considers his kiddo as well as his own kids that are blood related.

Absolutely is the type who is a teacher as an occupation (child hearder). Teachers heard children right?

Is extremely organized with OCD tendencies.

He always struck me as a paramedic type too, especially if assisting in battle. I mean he is a very skilled healer canonically.

Can appear tired and done with life, but also has a secret streak of dad humor/lame humor.

Extremely patient.

Is very lonely. Life has not been kind to him canonically. And his children drifted away from him, lost his twin and other loved ones too 😢 So I think that is the reason why in my canon he tries to be dad for others. It helps that he's older than most too.

Could be chronically depressed 😢

Is definitely a caregiver type in a BDSM lifestyle relationship.

Wholesome babe

Can be quite the suave Gentleman in private

[floofeeeeee]

Time to be a little hater HEHEH this my rant on the Kotlc sub reddit

I HATE and I mean HATE THIS REDDIT ONG homophobia has tow down a bit but ugh…this sub Reddit….is depressing as hell

Like LIKEEEEE uh there’s a lot of things I dislike that I’m going to explain here I’ll try not to make it long but I’m a yapper SOO no promises (also there will be so many spelling mistakes erm)

Ok First things first

They hate the books like genuinely hate it, it’s wild. And not in the way we’re there just criticizing like I’ve seen on here. I’ve seen some very good points and discussions that have been overall respectful and you can tell they still enjoy the books even with the criticism. Like I’ve eaten up every book but still had the things I like to nitpick. But on the sub Reddit…it’s such a different vibe man.. like they find it childish (crazy it’s almost like it was made for 12 year old ) and just dislike every book except like the first. They constantly talk about how much they think the newer suck. They hate the plot and most of it writing. At this point don’t read it????? You clearly do not enjoy the books why are you here???

And the worst part is there are a lot of younger kids on there then here.. like these are kids who want to find a space to talk about there favorite books and your just complaining all the time…UUGHHHGBHBHH

PART TWO

The homophobia…. Sighhhhh it’s Reddit idk man but I’ve seen a few things erm.. yeah it’s gotten better like a lot I’d say compared to Pinterest but still it’s gross.

Part three my favoriteeee part! (Lies)

The Sophie hate. (Oh that hurts my soul)

Now I’ve seen criticism of Sophie on here before! It’s normal! But this is actually hate like…Ong why

Let’s just start of with the fact the if you go on there now I guarantee if you scroll down a bit you will find a post hating on Sophie. It’s all the same stuff to “I miss the old Sophie! She’s such a brat now!” She’s so annoying she doesn’t deserve Keefe!” “I hate how rude she is in stellarlune !” That pretty basic and toning  it down a lot . But you get the idea it’s that all the time with a few more things obviously. They think she’s a Mary sue they hate how many powers she’s has they call her weak and are annoyed with the fact that she can’t ever beat the neverseen (it’s almost like she 15 with very little training on how to fight and no one ever offers except until FLASHBACK. when they finally are like hmm maybe we should teach her how to defend herself! REALLY NOW? AFTER ALL THIS TIME??) they give very very little grace.

But it keeps going now there is hate for fitz…but I feel like the hate for Sophie is worse.

That brings us to our next part

There highkey misogynistic .. NOW HEAR ME OUT OKK get it they can dislike a girl character that’s fine! (It’s not /j) but here’s why I think that

fitz defenders on there and they are interesting…like I love fitz lovers on here there very cool and are respectful

Not Reddit!

A litte while back I saw post talking about sofitz break up in legacy and well…they blamed it all on Sophie!!! How sweet 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰 now this isn’t me saying she wasn’t at fault at all during that time BUT neither was fitz they both were they both had there struggles and it was clear to me that Sophie wasn’t ready. But they want on a long rent about how most of it was her fault and how much she ruined the relationship…oh my. And yes it’s there opinion but when a whole sub Reddit is in favor of the man more then the woman……….I just thinks it’s weird and maybe this isn’t very misogynistic

But! I’ve seen Keefe lover on There ranting about how bad sophie is for Keefe and how much they hate the idea of them together. I’ve seen multiple post loving both of those boy and ragging on Sophie they praise the boys and hate her it’s it’s so…ANNOYING holy crap I hate it. It feels so misogynistic the way they treat those two boys with so much love and affection even though Sophie shows sighs of similar behavior as both of them BUT NOOOOO she’s annoying bratty B and deserve nothing not like my Keefe who deserves the world……….

I’m sorry if I’m not explaining well and I’m getting things wrong this is fully just me needing to rant about that stupid sub Reddit.

I’m not done btw um

Also I saw this person post such an innocent and nice question on why they hate Sophie so much. They were like I’ve seen a lot of hate on Sophie. And I’m a big fan of her can anyone explain to why? No hate I respect your opinion! Something along those lines

And man…it was all the stuff I said before long messages about why they hate her … SIGHHHHHHHH

Anyways besides that there boring that’s all they ever talk about is this and that and there litte hot takes that are just straight up hate Radom person who nos nothing about it and is like ask me questions u have no idea what this book is about! And that fun until you look at the comments and there just annoying about it..And it’s just gahhh

Anyways my wrist hurts and that pretty much the end of my rant feel free to discuss! But please be respectful this was just my frustration that I needed to get out its not that deep I swear

[queer-ragnelle]

Hi there! Is there a retelling where Lot is a good, well-written character? So far I've seen he's usually portrayed as a full-blown villain or at least a complete jerk, and it makes me sad because I think that he is much more complex in the Vulgate and Le Morte (and also at the beginning in Les enfances Gauvain, 10/10)

Hello!

I'm a King Lot enjoyer and apologist, I got you. Good Lot is so hard to find. Actually the best Lot is trapped in a mediocre book, The Winter Knight by Jes Battis. He’s a single dad working constantly to support Gawain. It’s so cute. Sleepy depressed dad ily. But it's a reincarnation urban fantasy drowning in "quirky" modern references that really killed the vibes for me. Canadian Lot ain't cutting it. :^/

For a more medlit-abiding story, I like Lot in Bedivere by Wayne Wise particularly because even though Gawain (and eventually Agravaine) bend the knee to Arthur against his wishes, Lot is kinda proud of them for having conviction it was sweet. He was like "Noooo don't be your own men haha ;^)" And then he just....let's them do what they wanted without giving them shit for it. Refreshingly normal parent. He didn't fight [much] with Arthur either he's like, "Alright whatever me and my hot wife are going back north to the babies bye."

Lot and Morgause are both kinda funny in The Story of Sir Launcelot and His Companions by Howard Pyle just because Gareth is their favorite and they spoil him lol It actually made for a compelling kitchen boy story because it explains where Gareth gets his attitude which is what gets him in trouble with Kay. The whole court fawns over him to be in the king and queen's good graces and made Gareth a brat (affectionate).

Lot is barely a character in Sharan Newman's trilogy but he's a good dude and Agravaine is the only kid he actually sired so he likes him best. Surprisingly upstanding interpretation of them both. Here's a quote from The Chessboard Queen.

Not the step-dad but the dad who stepped up Lot? More likely than you think.

Lastly I wouldn't say Starz Camelot (2011) has a good Lot, but he's very sexy. He's in the first two episodes (and comes back as a vision in a later episode). He's definitely a bloody warlord killing whoever but he's really into Morgan. I mean duh, look at her. Things go downhill quickly but...James Purefoy the man that you are....

This turned into a long way of saying Gaheris is never the favorite kid. Anyway that's all the King Lot I have for you. Take care!

[whoishotteranimepolls]

Fandom Observation Funny tags: One Piece Warlord Crews & Other Antagonist

Due to character limits the funny tags post has had to be broken up into multiple parts

This post contains the tags for the other Warlord Crews and some miscellaneous antagonists that didn't fit neatly into any other category, like Caesar Clown and Arlong

Donquixote Pirates

Doflamingo: "Dofy's got some wierd (potentially fun) energy but he would NOT treat you well he'd be awful", "The psychopathic pimp on a shoestring budget. Seriously dude, San Diego Zoo called and they want their flamingos back. That coat is so last season.", "fashion travesty", "Doflamingo dresses like an eye test and will probably steal your credit card by the end of the night not because he needs the money. because he finds it hilarious", "Mingo is just a spoiled frat fuckboy who's too full of himself to be interested in anyone/anything else", "a balding white man", "evil florida man my beloved they dont understand you", "Budget Pimp who robbed San Diego of their world famous Flamingo flock"  “I am fucking wheezing, poor Doffy, good thing we're there to make him feel (laughing on the floor) king of the bedroom again🤣🤣🤣🤣” “Doffy has an unresolved Oedipus Complex... how obvious can you get? His mother died and he killed his father for failing to protect his family. Of course he wants an older lady who will take care of him but also tell him he's being a little attention-seeking brat.  take care” “You cannot tell me Doflamingo doesn't have mommy (affection/obsession) and daddy (loathing/hatred) issues.” “Fuckin Doffy 😍😍😍🤤🤤🤤” “Doffy would cry seeing how far ahead of him rosie is. Full on midlife crisis”

Trebol: “who the FUCK voted for trebol i just wanna talk for a minute”

Rosinante: "my insane clumsy tall dilf", "wife material", "he has cringefail dad swag", "rosi is everything to me actually. I would climb that tall clumsy king like a tree", "the klutzy mime", "he has that pathetic depressed clown vibe thats irresistible", "He's the epiome of strong but silent, he's the asshole with a heart of gold, he has everything", rosinante is hot tho and his clumsiness somehow enhances it", "I've said it before and I'll say it again I WOULD climb that clumsy king like a tall tree want to kiss him until his silly jester makeup is all over me too",“CORA MY LOSER MALEWIFE WIN” “Cora got a silly boi/man rizz, he is no one's turnoff it's all on 😁” “CORA YOU SAD CLOWN WIN” “ROSI I BELIEVE YOU CAN WIN THIS ONE#PLEASE MY LOSER WIFE HAS TO WIN” “cora is unironically so hot cora is the classy cunt server to doffys bad bitch cunt server he honestly eats that black coat and pink shirt combo he somehow makes that hat look good” “I mean Cora’s on fire far more often than” "I am loyal to the guy who actively sets himself on fire", Plus an entire mini fanfic someone wrote in a reblog of one of the polls about him link here

Thriller Bark Pirates

Perona: “my beautiful goth queen needs to prevail” “Weirdo goth girl Perona the map”

Other antagonists

Arlong: "Y'all are too afraid to recognize the truth too afraid of his drip, his swagger, his saw nose, to admit that he's hot also live action arlong?!?!the only sexy fishmen," "arlong looks like a toxic florida frat bro," "I legitimately think there's something wrong with me sometimes due to how bad I want arlong the rancid personality enhances the appeal", "yall are p****" arlong is sexy put some respect on his name look at those lips the laugh the hair!" “I said what I said he’s like wine better when he’s older” “everyone on this site is a COWARD monsterfuckers when the Arlong stans come out”

Alvida: “Live action Alvida would make me question my sexuality, if I didn't already know i'm bi.”

Caesar Clown: “He gives me insane gender envy” “The horns The eyes The hair That pale creamy skin with barely defaults and mark for a man of his age Skinny as i like Love his make up His laugh is so funny Fuck his devil fruit is so cool and so useful ( even in the bedroom) I want to cheer up that pathetic whimpering mess and hear him rambling about the most awful things in life He is smart and passionate So yeah, pretty much the ideal wife to me. Wdym Drug test on children and chemical warfare? Meeeeeeh i've done worse, i buy my clothes on Shein (jk)” “Half the reblog tags being fellow Caesar Clown truthers. There aren’t many of us, but we won’t shut up” “caesar solidarity give our piss baby a chance#<3” “voting for Caesar even though he is objectively not the hottest give him a chance” “HOW IS CAESAR SO FAR BEHIND ON THIS i don’t care what he did to those children he’s hot” “thank god caeser is annihilating that asshole FUCK HIM UP CLOWN BOY” “at least Caesar Clown is kind of serving cunt” “I can somehow overlook the horrible things Ceasar has done when placed next to the worst father in history” “CAESAR MY BELOVED BABYGIRL pepper sprays judge choke bitch thank fuck caesar is winning he'd be so pleased with himself and rub it in judge's face” “bad parenting is never hot but warcrimes sometimes can be caesar gets my vote”

[gamerbearmira]

(SA)

Luna wasn't sure how much more of this she could stand. The frankly rude and unnecessary comments that everyone made to her princess, the snide looks and remarks that had her claws coming out, and the fact that she was trying not to talk around them too openly in order to make them think they were nuts.

"Why do you have to be so useless!" Oh hell no. That was it. She was done with that uppity brat that her princess had to call a sister.

Leaping from the railing with grace Luna transformed before she hit the ground and still landed with all her feline grace.

"Back away from the princess this instant." Luna said coldly as she strode forward with all the poise and grace that belonged to a royal advisor and spy.

Isabella startled as she jerked around to look at Luna who glared her down with a glare that she had long perfected and would quell even the senshi at their rowdiest.

"Come Princess. Let's get you and the prince away from such a horrid person." Luna swept past Isabella without a second glance as she took Antonio into one arm and pulled the Princess in close with the other.

It was only the babe in her arm and the thought of getting her princess away from this horridly spoilt child that kept Luna from unsheathing her claws when her Princess gripped her dress and looked close to tears.

Luna had been with Usagi throughout all her lives as a secondary mother figure, royal advisor, spy, tutor, and guard. She had been there when her charge had her children. Been there for her charge when her children perished and reborn.

If she didn't have her millennium of experience staying her tongue she'd have slipped and called her Queen her daughter, and these two precious children her grand kittens.

And Luna was protective, just as much as any senshi if not more.

So the almost eleven year old clutching her dress like a frightened child and near tears because of a spoilt brat? That got Luna's wrath rearing it's head.

Mirabel stared up at Luna awed as she blinked back her tears. She had never seen Luna's human form before.

"Wow... you're so pretty Luna." Mirabel said softly and Luna smiled gently at her.

"Thank you princess. Now let's go. I'm sure the Queen and the Senshi won't mind us stopping by." Luna said guiding her little princess away. And if it gave her a chance to visit the training rooms and work out her irritation and wrath that had built up ever since she stayed to tutor the princess? Well it was long overdue.

HUMAN LUNA LETS GOOOOO 🗣️🗣️🗣️

Shoutout to her for standing up to Isabela. I’m surprised she didn’t do it sooner, but I guess she was trying to keep the peace 😭 good for her though, and good for Mirabel. Antonio is pretty much just. Cruising with everyone. Bros just vibing 🦈

Also grandkittens, sobbing. Imagine how excited Usagi was when she found out Mirabel had been reincarnated. Like in every reincarnation, she never lived past 30, and never by natural causes (is sickness a natu cause?? Dunno). Like burning at the stake, killed in war?? Antonio died super young in his first life too, along with Mirabel, that being sickness. Like she must’ve been devestated every time, and Luna was there to held her down and keep her sane 😭 she always outlived them.

And it was mentioned it never got easier, so imagine how depressed she was in the time she was waiting for the news that they had finally been reborn 🌚

[anotherrosesthatfell]

I couldn't resist 💀. Remember this ask?

Yeah I twisted the story and here we are..

Meet Callisto Luther! (AI name = Nox Luther)

Vishenka (cherry) and I were having conversation and I got idea omg

So basically, Hope and Dream had a fight which cause their magics to combine and created Callisto. Hope lost all of their magics because if a witch gave birth or create a living being, their magics will be transferred to the child.

Hope is powerless and Dream feels overwhelmed so he couldn't take care of Callisto (What a pain in the ass!)

Hope take care of Callisto then Lux because the original had to stick around lmao.

He hates Killermare family and he hates Dream and his family too (expect for Lux, he cares deeply for his little sister <3) (Even so he respects women-)

His opinion on people

Dream

"A massive headache. I am ashamed I was born from a fight... What a pain.. I really hate him. I don't care that he neglected me but what pisses me off that he dare to abandoned my little sister and mom all by their own! I don't curse because Mom really dislike it..."

Hope

"Mom is doing better. I really wished that I never inherited Mom's power... Mom is was so weak that she couldn't even eat.."

Lux

"my adorable little sister!!! I really adore her, she is my light of this horrible world. She support me to take the throne and I will! I'll make sure to give her everything once the throne is mine."

Palette

"Even if he is my brother... I will never see him as one... Arrogant little brat, he dare to bully my little sister and tell everyone that she is crazy because of a revengeful spirit? That's stupid-"

Drop

"I heard the little girl is locked in the castle for years now. I never see her appearance and I don't think anyone do. Dream kept her away from world... What a pain.."

Ink

"I don't care if she is kind or pretty. She is depressing- I don't like the fact she cope with depression. Drinking... That's just terrible. She needs help, a therapy will be good."

Alphonse (Corrupted Nightmare)

"I am holding myself from cursing... I hate him. That's the final."

Crescent

"I can't believe Dream is this stupid. Taking a child of an enemy as priest? This kingdom chances of getting attacked are very high.."

Angst (If he were alive)

"The crown prince of darkness kingdom... I don't know much about him. Rumours say he isolated himself from the world and waiting for death to take him."

Merciless

"I never interact with him. Sometimes I saw him walking next to Palette, sometimes he sat alone and sometimes... He feels so empty. He don't resemble the darkness king at all so I don't think I should hate him. Beside he is gives a really calming vibe."

Goth

"Oh lady Goth! Lux really adore her best friend. I'm glad Lux has someone to rely on. Lady Goth is genuinely kind to Lux. Even if she is close to Palette, she still treat Lux nicely and never believe in any of Palette's lies."

Bonus

Artemis belong to @itzcherrybonbon /@abloomingsunflower

"The precious daughter of the king I despise. Ugh... Well she is kind of pretty, I give her that. Mom said not to hate on her since I don't know anything about her.. Well she told me not to hate on anyone but I did it anyway. As long she don't interfere in my way on taking the throne, I'll be nice to her..."

Vivi belong to @canon-vi

"Oh my other little sister? Well she is adorable! Lux really adore Vivi so much and I am the same. Though, we don't spend much time together because she is a princess and has her own duty."

Kira belong to @canon-vi

"I will never understand why Dream took another child of an enemy to be a priestess... At least she is kind and look nothing like Alphonse. I am not that religious so I don't visit the church that often."

[giggly-toybox]

now that you're writing for One Piece, if you don't mind, u could share some general tickling thoughts/headcanons on the series? (hcs of characters, scenarios between them etc) if this is too broad u can feel free to ignore, thanks!

HI OKAY SO!!!! I was literally so excited to make this bc this show has absolutely taken over my brain AAAAA

But here we go! For now, we’ll only be doing MY personal favorite characters! If you want a character that isn’t on here, let me know when requests open up again!

Also note: I am in the middle of the Marineford arc (and might have cried a little bit) meaning I am nowhere near up to date with some of the newer stuff!

Basil Hawkins:

EASILY my favorite character. Me and my mutual have been rambling about him for days. So far he’s only had like eight minutes of screen time so don’t know why I like him so much, I just do. My silly babygirl. My borblo Right off the bat, he’s feather ticklish

Like, really. Feathers affect him more than actual fingers

I think he has a very gentle and soft laugh most of the time, but it can get loud if you hit a bad spot

I think his worst spots are his belly, neck, and chin

If you use a feather on any of those spots he will die

EXTREMELY squirmy. He will buck, kick, shove, squirm, whatever he has to do to get away

He’s a really gentle ler most of the time

He’ll just hold you close with an arm while he mindlessly traces his finger on your belly, reading his cards like nothings happening

If you want to get away he’ll let you

But if you tickle him first, that gentleness is thrown out the window and he immediately targets your death spots, scribbling his gloved fingers all over your squirming figure

He doesn’t do it for long tho, and he’s nice enough to get you some water afterwards :)

Perona:

MY GIRLLLL! I love her so so much she’s easily my favorite female character! I just love her style sm, I need her outfit! I love her little ghosts and her aesthetic as a whole, she’s just so pretty!

Persona just oozes sister vibes, both big and little. So I would say she’s an even 50/50 switch

She’s probably ticklish all over, but I would say her worst spot is her belly, specifically her belly button

She doesn’t shut up when being tickled. She’ll scream, beg, plead, complain, or try to distract you

Either that or she’ll send her ghosts to make you depressed

She would be such a brat after being tickled tbh 😭

She would pout and scold you before eventually moving on and floating away

She only tickles things she deems cute, so if you’re not cute in her book, you’re safe

But once she has you in her sights, she’ll playfully tackle you and absolutely wreck you

She likes your cute laugher :3

Crocodile:

My boy Crocodile! Gosh he’s just so cool. I didn’t like him too much in the Alabasta arc, but he got a lot better in Impel Down and Marineford! I just really love the way he looks, and his sand powers :3

Yeah…In all honesty I don’t think this guys really ticklish at all

As much as it pains me to admit

The only spot that could really make him laugh is his neck

Even then all you would get are a few chuckles

He’s not sensitive enough to wreck sorry 😔

He doesn’t really participate in tickling either

He thinks it’s childish

Nico Robin:

The best Strawhat. I do not take criticism. She is my girl and I love her so much. Her “I want to live” made my heart ache! And she easily has my favorite devil fruit

We love a canon ler

Gosh her ability is so well for tickling as we’ve seen in the show twice!

Like she can summon two arms to hold yours and then two to tickle you silly

She’s a nice ler most of the time tho, she won’t torture you for too long

As a lee I think she’s one of those people that are ticklish on most of their body, but not too ticklish

Like no matter where you tickle her, tummy, neck, feet, she’ll giggle but that’s about it

As I’ve said before I think her worst spot are her sides so that’s where you’ll get the most reaction

She’s a bit louder but other than that there’s not really a lot of difference

She had a lovely laugh though <3

Jewelry Bonney:

Another supernova! I really like Bonney, I find her devil fruit really interesting! I can’t wait to see more of her Ticklish thighs. I don’t take criticism she’s definitely weak there

She also has pretty sensitive armpits, but her thighs are a bit worse

Her laugher is kinda rough, and she definitely snorts

If you’re really close to her, she doesn’t mind being ticked by you

But if not you’re getting kicked in the face

Since she’s a big foodie, I see her favorite tickling methods to be things like nibbling or raspberries

I would say licking too but I’m super uncomfortable with licking tickles

X Drake:

X Drake! I love him so much, my dinosaur boy. He easily has the best animal devil fruit so far (I forget what the type is called)

While I do think he’s ticklish, I think he has a lot of tolerance for those kind of things

I mean he used to be a rear admiral he definitely has some endurance

He doesn’t actually squirm around that much. He’ll flinch and shove a bit, maybe kick his legs a few times, but for the most part he just takes it

But he does have one weakness: raspberries

If you blow one right on his belly, like on the middle of the bottom of the huge X on his torso, he’ll laugh louder then the sea

He’s definitely more of a ler. I see him tickling people in his dinosaur form

Like he’s carrying them like a doll and tickling them all over

Or holding them by the ankles and wrecking their soles

Human or dinosaur form, if he’s tickling you you’re not escaping until he lets you go

[e-dash-lace]

My Very Own Locked Tomb Playlist

A bunch of songs that I listened to while I was doing a Summer 2024 re-read of The Locked Tomb (mostly Harrow and Nona) in no particular order. I took notes because this fandom makes you crazy and Spotify is so stupid that instead of having a notes feature, it has an algorithm that makes you a new playlist four times a day that's called something like "gut-wrenching wailing girl dinner slay brat summer afternoon." Anyway, notes under the cut (spoilers for the entire series sorry)

Psychic Wound - King Woman

The song that Ianthe puts on the radio when she needs to focus to give Harrow her lobotomy. (In all honesty though I think that most songs off of the I Saw the TV Glow playlist go kind of crazy over Harrow the Ninth. Something something horror of being a queer teenager.)

Intergalactic - The Beastie Boys

When Gideon the Ninth the animated feature length film opens, the opening credits play to this song. This song also plays during Camila's fight with Ianthe Naberius on New Rho

Go Away Little Girl - Percy Faith & His Orchestra

This song really screams Jod to me. It plays during John 8:1. Like really close your eyes and imagine it. Like there's no sound it's just like a jumbled up bunch of slow motion scenes.

My Smile is Extinct - Kane Strang

Honestly I just needed to put this song on the playlist because it's the kind of depression song that's like just goofy enough to make you laugh even when you're sad. RIP Harrow Nonagesimus. She would have loved My Smile is Extinct by Kane Strang.

Army of Me - Bjork

Another sword fight song. This song plays during Gideon and Harrow's first fight on the Ninth House. I think that my brainworms just also really wanted to bring some of that girls fighting in steampunk muted colors vibe from Sucker Punch into this playlist.

Growing Pains - Ethel Cain

The queen brainworm living in my mind demands that all playlists I make have 1 Ethel Cain song. I can't really tell you how this fits, but when I tried to remove it, I thought "no. she stays" This song is Harrow the Ninth coded but maybe like Harrow Coffee Shop AU

Jesus Is the One (I Got Depression) - Zack Fox

First House National Anthem I fear. If I had money, I would pay it to comission a Harrow the Ninth animatic to this song.

Sunday - The Cranberries

Not really sure why this is on the playlist. I think it might have been an accident, but also it just sounds kind of appropriate so it stays :)

August Underground - Ethel Cain

Spotify gave me a really really good daylist ONCE that was just like atmospheric music (mostly from videogames). It was so stellar that I saved it! I listened to that playlist while I was reading like the last 25% of Nona. This song plays throughout all of NtN Chapter 28 or at the very least an extended scenes of Sex Pal and Camilla turning into Paul.

Ghosts in the Static - Ben Babitt

Atmospheric music to listen to while Nona drives through the River. A lot of the songs on the KRZ soundtrack fit that vibe. If you want music to drive on the River to, you should listen to the Kentucky Route Zero soundtrack.

Dumbest Girl Alive - 100 Gecs

I think that Gideon Nav would be a really big 100 gecs fan

Thick Skull (Re: Julien Baker) - Paramore & Julien Baker

I think that Jod would be a really big fan of Paramore. I think this song is about Jod, but it's the song that plays during the flashback scene when Gideon kicks Wake out of the airlock and she falls into the Ninth House

Bad Lil Vibe - Coco & Clair Clair

HEAR ME OUT. In my mind, Jod has gifted Ianthe a cassette player and for some reason, the only cassette that's in it is like some collectible 10th anniversary cassette tape of the album Sexy by Coco & Clair Clair. (that doesn't exist yet but it will). I feel like Coco and Clair Clair are good music for the Coronabeth and Ianthe dynamic duo, but I think that this song is for Ianthe. I think it has that evil hot mess (not like Sharpay Evans evil hot mess, more like Shego with smeared lipstick and a broken heart at the club) vibe that the Saint of Awe brings to the table.

4AEM - Grimes

Grimes TO ME ok IMO strikes me as someone who in 2015 would have been fancast as ianthe because she's blond, skinny, and like swinging around a long sword in her music videos like someone who just kind of thinks that swords are cool conceptually and will go well with the special effects but couldn't actually use one to defend themselves if it came down to it and that's really ianthe tridentarius-core TO ME. I imagine that deep down Ianthe hoped that becoming a lyctor meant she would get to be like an international pop star but more. Not to digress but this song is an Ianthe Tridentarius fight song.

Combat Baby - Metric

Actually lol okay hear me out. So actually Ianthe was also gifted a cd player by jod and this is the song that she cries to (ALONE) when she thinks about Harrow. I think Ianthe wishes she had a y2k style but she was just born in the wrong decade sorry

Pluto - Bjork

This is the song that is playing after Harrow wakes up and Gideon is inside her brain helping her fight Cytherea. I think snippets or like altered instrumental versions of this song also play in each trial that Harrow and Gideon work through. Like some version of this song is definitely playing the first time Harrow siphons Gideon to get those keys

Femininomenon - Chapell Roan

First of all, what is any playlist made in 2024 without a Chapell Roan song on it. Second, when I first wrote this note I imagined this as the song that plays immediately after mercy kills Jod and then like there's a full 3 minute music video where like Mercy is on lead vocals, she's like arguing with Augustine a bit then they're like dancing and then the song really abruptly cuts off right before the end when Jod sucks himself back together. Alternatively, this song plays every single time Nona sees a woman.

Dream Girl Evil - Florence and the Machine

Alectopause Hive International Anthem In the parallel universe where Nona the Ninth was released as a webcomic or like an AO3 fic, Taz Muir has linked this song in the Notes and there are 1000 animatics of the Nona epilogue with this song.

Springbreakers - Charli XCX

Alectopause hive international anthem 2 electric boogaloo (Remember how I said "gut-wrench9ing wailing girl dinner slay brat summer afternoon"? I meant that) I would also accept this song as the Nona epilogue animatic song

Bit of A Monster - Vylet Pony

I can't explain this one. I don't know why it's here it just has to be. If you made it this far, leave ur theories in the tags idk.

Mysteries of the Cleft - death's dynamic shroud

I think like if you asked me to I could make a whole playlist of songs about being in the River, so this is either like a planetkiller harrow song or like the song that plays when Jod takes Ianthe and Harrow through the River the first time.

Kizaki Lake - Satoko Shibata

One thing about me, if there's an opportunity to put a Japanese song on the playlist, a Japanese song is going on the playlist and right now the other queen brainworm in my mind is the brainworm that's been addicted to this album since it was released in February and I think everyone should listen to it. The instrumental for this song plays throughout the entirety of Day One in Nona and IF I WAS IN CHARGE Satoko Shibata would be tapped to do the score for the film because she's just that good. Go listen to Your Favorite Things!

[docholligay]

Every now and then when I watch a kid show, I'll see something that makes me think "Oh, this is a surprisingly kid-friendly way to discuss this topic! Maybe I should see if Doc wants to show this to Midge to open up a conversation about that."

But then I think "If Doc wanted to have that conversation with Midge, she would simply Do So."

You can answer privately if you want (don't wanna make you open up the Children Show floodgates) but would recs like that be welcome? Not for a liveblog or anything, for your usual reasons, but just something to keep on the back burner for subjects like that. (In the example I'm thinking of, it's a child-friendly way to talk about depression and suicide, ITS NOT THE BLUE DOG SHOW I PROMISE)

ahahahah your second paragraph, as I was reading the paragraph I was like, "I bring a real 'addressing the problem directly' vibe the internet doesn't like"

This isn't to say I don't think there aren't incredible ways that fiction can facilitate a conversation, but I am a Direct Individual a solid, oh, 90% of the time? There's still that 10% where I think it might come off meaner than I mean to be if I address it, so I decide to take a 'wait and see' approach, but that's not a 'tough topic' that's usually about a boundary getting close or some shit.

Alongside with that, when it comes to "Something that frames something for my daughter" it's very much I, 'Well, I absolutely need to watch it first, because there is an outside chance it frames the issue in a way I don't agree with and don't intend to teach her" and while I think a plurality of viewpoints is honestly the best way to look at the world, I do of course have my general morals and ideals that I'd like her to have to the best of my ability. Being as I am perfect with every right opinion and all, DocDoc the Blameless.

WOW A LOT OF WORDS TO SAY: If I want something like that, I'll probably ask for that directly! We're into books right now more than we are extended visual narratives, part of which is because I have not encouraged watching screens, so she's not used to it. She's watched like, Moana, twice. (And we all know Moana is very very special)

But yeah I will not show her Bluey, because "Parents will drop everything to make intricate games with you" is not a value *I* am going to set forth in my house, and I am STILL so annoyed with my wife for showing her Peppa because Peppa's a fucking spoilt brat, I don't need something else. Also adults cannot be fucking normal about Bluey.

[blood-and-pizza]

Thoughts on Tales from The Pizzaplex #5:

GGY:

So... Gregory really is Patient 46. And he's even killed people while under Glitchtrap's influence. Not even his own friends were safe. God, FNAF is really dark, huh!? Kinda makes me wanna put an arc in Fazbear Estate where Gregory hacks the Glamrocks, gets caught, and gets in huge trouble for it... plus Glamrock Freddy loses trust in him for a while. OUCH OUCH OUCH. Moving on...

The Storyteller:

Mr. Burrows is a dickhead and a murderer. I'm glad he died in the end, what an asshole! Would really have loved to know what his actual given name is. Also, I was super-intrigued by Edwin Murray... poor dude. Even in this story he has strong Henry vibes. Also, now we know what those weird notes in Security Breach are... I think?

Also, lemme talk about how the Storyteller affected the Glamrocks...

Roxanne has always been kind of an insecure bitch, but after the Storyteller shows up, she became an outright bully who verbally attacks everyone around her out of "pathological cruelty".

Glamrock Chica had a loving, pizza-obsessed personality that turned snarky and attention-seeking. Even her cupcake (I'm surprised she has one!) "developed the personality of a vicious terrier".

Monty has always been dramatic, since he's a rockstar, but after the Storyteller shows up, he becomes more sulky and violent, going into "depressive" silences in-between tantrums in his green room.

Freddy... we all know Glamrock Freddy is a total sweetheart normally. But the Storyteller turned him into a brat who tries taking toys from children, and cries like a baby when he doesn't get his way.

Bobbiedots, Part 2

Yeah, I kinda had this one spoiled for me, so I wasn't surprised when it turned out the gen2 Bobbiedots were evil. I'm pretty happy the gen1 Bobbiedots, and Abe and Sasha, got a happy ending! I really liked this one! I just wish someone would draw better official designs for the gen2 Bobbiedots... ugh... I also kinda wanna draw the gen1 girls fully repaired.

BONUS STORY:

Rest in peace, Adrian. Your death, however undeserved, was a valiant one.

[reinekes-fox]

Aaron.. I'm back and I have a rant. Sooo...

Spoilers!!!

Apologies.

1. I take back my statement of chase being a Tsundere if anyone gives off Tsundere vibes it's our resident swan. Omg Elrond can be a prick yet runs away when he kisses you, but also is so sweet. I died at him sharing MCs bullshit punishment and secretly flipping people off. He's such a complex character. The whole talk in the woods showed alot more depth than I thought he had. It's wild going from him being a literal nightmare to such a sweetheart that even chase points it out. I think he is my fav RO. You made me do a complete switch with him. 😍

2. Poly route took me by surprise completely. Chase is honestly just a goddamn cheeky brat.

3. The demo ends after that currently? When deciding what you want to do with your free time?

4. If playing as a peacock and romancing marten's we haven't met them yet right? I didn't miss more shit???

Like I said before I utterly fell back inlove with this. You are very talented. I've always wondered why the bird theme tho?

The whole concept for this game is wild. Not just the inner workings of a cult, dealing with indoctrination as a YA and trying to navigate your own feelings and identity within that. But adding another supernatural Fantasy layer ontop of it is BRILLIANT. It gave me flashbacks of watching the anime A promises neverland for the first time. Because I got taken completely by surprise.

I haven't done any of the female ROs routes. I mightttt but I also want to check out your other games too. You are very much underrated. And thank you for listening to my very long rant i am writing at 5am. 🤣

I am glad you like Elrond :) he turned out so different from Estelle alone lol. I have the feeling that Falkenflug saw the other digging into their backgrounds and decided he wanted that too... but unlike the others he managed to bring a power shovel (I have such a great scene planned for the next update with Falkenflug!)

I hope I will do those both chaotics justice!

Yeah thats it for now!

You can find out their true name and get together with them, without ever meeting them!

The bird theme is a small homage to my favourite book of all times, which was the major inspiration for my Grey Swans, but I made it dark and depressing and dystopian because yeah I love drama and Angst. (To be perfectly honest I dont even like birds that much)

Songbirds of Valnon by L.S. Baird. Its gay, and wholesome, the aesethetic is on point.

Oh I bet it is wild! However I hope not too wild.

Oh, Astoria will be very disappointed! But its not like they will go anywhere, so take your time! (Plus I also have to say that recently my other WIPs are not really being worked in the same way as BoaR)

And never apologise for ranting about my stuff, this shit gives me live and motivation!

[cuteniarose]

tell us abt meifeng here too plz!

(anon just found ur art blog post lol)

Oh sure!! I was just thinking about her earlier today lmao

So I'm not gonna repeat most of the stuff I've already said about her on my art blog, anyone's who's curious can just go here and read it for themselves, but I will give a brief rundown:

Meifeng – born in about 120-121 AG, give or take a couple of years. She/her, cis, not quite sure about her sexuality yet. A waterbender who specialises in healing. She's Ming-Hua's older cousin, the daughter of Nuying's (Ming-Hua's mom) older half brother, who was often in charge of babysitting her because Nuying's mental state wasn't the most stable after her husband left. Years later, Meifeng was the one who tried to stop Ming-Hua from running away, who remained at Nuying's side as she died (the exact circumstances of which I described in my art post and have actually cried over. It's really a gutpunch and a half), and who taught Suiren the basics of waterbending. That last point makes her an incredibly emotionally conflicting character, at least to me, because she's yet another adult in Suiren and Midori's life who failed them :/

Now, onto some more fun and hopefully less depressing stuff:

I imagine Meifeng and Ming-Hua's relationship to be somewhat similar to some aspects of Nani and Lilo's from Lilo and Stitch, mostly in the sense of Ming-Hua being an uncontrollable little chaos gremlin who Meifeng cannot turn away from for one second without her running off somewhere ("UGH, you're such a pain!!" "So why don't you sell me and buy a rabbit instead?!" "At least a rabbit would behave better than you!" "Great, then you'll be happy cause it'd be smarter than me too!!" "And QUIETER!!!" "You'll like it cause it's STINKY like you!!!!". Also, the gravity scene has them vibes too). She succeeded in stopping multiple of Ming-Hua's attempts to go too far outside their village but the second Ming-Hua learned to climb trees it was all over, it's impossible to catch up to her when she's in full on Tarzan mode. Meifeng's probably the only one of Ming-Hua's relatives to have ever met Ghazan because she's bound to have seen him while going to Gaoling to drag Ming-Hua's ass back home. But to her credit she never told anyone where exactly Ming-Hua was always running off to because she knew she'd get reprimanded for it as well. Eventually if she knew Ming-Hua was going to meet up with Ghazan, she'd let her go and would just spend the day off doing her own things away from the tribe so if anyone asked, she could say Ming-Hua was with her. #bestwingwoman

As Ming-Hua grew older their relationship started changing because it became clear Ming-Hua's thirst for freedom wasn't just her being a little brat or a bout of childish rebellion. Meifeng may have aided her in many things, but she was strictly against her running away for good. Their conversations became rather focused on things like "I know auntie can be... a little much sometimes, but she's your mother, she just wants the best for you". This, of course, pissed Ming-Hua off to no end and their relationship soured as she stopped confiding in Meifeng. Perhaps Meifeng eventually told Nuying about Ghazan and Gaoling and everything else in hopes that maybe at least her own mother would be able to talk some sense into her. That backfired majorly, resulting in a huge fight between Ming-Hua and Nuying. Luckily (or not, depending on who you ask), Ghazan ran away himself not long after so Ming-Hua wasn't placed on house arrest or watched like a hawk or anything since everyone thought her main influence was gone, but she still refused to say a single word to Meifeng for YEARS right up until she caught her running away in the middle of the night at age 15

Afterwards, Meifeng spent a lot of time comforting her aunt and just in general keeping her company whenever she could. And like I said, she was the one with Nuying when she passed, but I don't really want to linger on that bc it'll make me sad again so... regarding her relationship with Suiren. Meifeng knew her when she was very little but post-RL-imprisonment didn't see her again until she was 11. I know that in UtOS specifically Kat and I make a very big point out of Suiren not wanting to learn waterbending from anybody but her mama, but in that verse she's a traumatised seven year old child who, if she can't get her mama back, just wants everyone to leave her alone. In SotRL by the time she was 11 she had already accepted that her life wasn't going to change on its own, no one was coming to save them, nobody cared enough about them to do so. If she wanted to get herself and Midori away from Haya, she had to take matters into her own hands, and that meant learning waterbending. But it was forbidden in Haya's house and her skills atrophied over the years, so she couldn't do it alone. She remembered that her mother has family in the Swamp so maybe someone there could help her. It wasn't Mama, sure, but the swamp bending style is probably similar enough to Ming-Hua's unique one that it's easier to stomach than, say, learning northern style from Ikiaq. Meifeng took up teaching her and was rather impressed at how quickly she picked everything up, and maybe even shared some of what Ming-Hua had told her about her own unique style, how she relies on her spine and shoulders and all that, to help Suiren mimic it at least somewhat. But as nice and helpful as she was, she still ultimately refused to take Suiren and Midori in, even after being told that Haya is physically abusive, and Suiren never quite let go of that hurt and though the lessons continued because she had no other choice, she became even more closed off than she already was. Meifeng regrets that to this day but what she is regret if her choices meant Suiren and Midori needlessly suffered for another 12 years when it could have been different???

So this is basically the extent of what I have for now, I know all of it is based around Meifeng's relationships with other people rather than who she is on her own, but that's because her role in the story is a supporting one so I never really gave her much thought as an individual. Hope this still manages to satisfy your curiosity, though :)

[eolewyn1010]

Charité, season 4 - episode 1

Alright. Let's do this. Consider everything past this point a spoiler, and yourself warned.

The dramatic lighting and music (vocalizing instead of the instrumentals that dominated the Charité music over three seasons) make the first scene appear very stylized, like a theater play. I don't hate it, but it sure is something else. I guess they broke with the continuity when they chose this season's setting.

Post-Corona, and she's not wearing a mask in surgery? Consider me unimpressed.

Ew. What did that poor greenscreen do to you?

"fires in Czechia coming closer to Saxony" - 2049 taking notes from 2022, huh? Ever so optimistic.

At least we get pretty lesbians. In fond memory of Therese...

They sure took the fashion choices in an interesting direction. And by that I mean, eurgh.

Who is this slimeball and can I castrate him.

Heritage of the last several seasons: An uncouth but motherly nurse with a heavy Berlin dialect; every generation needs one.

See, if you can 3D-project shiny holographs into the middle of the room, you should adapt your architecture. An auditorium that uses this technology should be built in a circle around the projector so everyone has the same chances of seeing the goddamn things! Logic, anyone?

In about 25 years, colors in architecture will have died out for good. Depressing, but not unlikely. The look of this place is giving me anxiety.

This woman's mouth movements don't fit her words at all. Why is she dubbed, and why so poorly?

"I don't eat sweets." *has sweets standing next to her* Is she dumb, or does she think Doc Safadi sr. is dumb?

Oh, nice, they have a botanical garden!

Super-quick zoom! Do you see our modern technology? DO YOU SEE IT YET!? More zoom! Sheesh, cut it out.

Why is everyone so awkward / impolite to Julia? Because her wife is pushing the health reform?

Poly marriage. Nice. ...and also, Nachtigall, ick hör dir trapsen.

Maral is ever so charming to Dylan. Isn't it nice to condescend to your co-worker from day 1?

Oh, nice, they all have universal translators. I get that they want to put in a lot of international variety, but why does the girl not speak any German when her mother does?

Take out ovarial tissue? From a teenager??? If she ever decides to have kids, can't she start by trying it the more obvious way? Why take it out in the first place? It's well-kept in her body, isn't it?

This mother is the worst.

Julia actress's delivery of her lines is very inconsistent. Some scenes, she plays good; others, she sounds like a third-grader reciting Erlkönig.

Did they steal that shot from Tatort: Der Herr des Waldes?

This concrete house is as fugly on the inside as it is on the outside. Thanks, I hate it.

Ehm. Okay. ngl, Martin's and Otto's PDA looked a lot more believable. Can you at least commit to your gay smoochies?

Why does the Armenian-German kid have a French name?

Brat wants to join the army for his democratic values. What, does he want to bring freedom to the poor savages? Gawd.

Starting to think Nils and Seda aren't a couple anymore, which makes the friendly relationship they have all the nicer.

Rest of the family is bitching. Greeeaaat.

Giving your doctor false medical information before surgery? Sure, why not! Is everyone here an idiot?

I don't really vibe with these extreme zooms.

Now she's wearing a mask - that's barely even covering her chin, nevermind her nose. Why is this so inconsistent?

Really good of you to treat a dying patient in hearing distance to another patient who has the same disease. Like. Just lock down sound transmission to the neighbor quarantine room?? Why is everyone so illogical?

Yeah, fuck. He's only a background character, so we give up after three attempts.

Maral got her self-righteousness from Seda, huh?

Yay, pandemics! Every generation needs one.

This all sounds very negative because I'm not terribly into the speculative future setting, but honestly, I don't hate watching it. My engagement with it is low in comparison to previous seasons Charité, but it still is interesting. And I'm kinda committed to the trash factor.

[minsu-the-cowardly-human]

Yknow I feel like the same typa people that think "Scott Pilgrim vs the World ruined an entire generation of women" is an accurate view of women/Ramona Flowers are the same people that think Holden is some kind of a) brat or b) intellucial that sees past the lies of the world

(Which imo its not past the lies bro is just depressed but u do u)

I think maybe the reason why is both are incels lol idk just a vibe check thing I feel

[checkoutmybookshelf]

Lap Dragons. 'Nuff Said.

Ok, so: My immunocompromised ass got Covid in April (if you're medically able, wear masks y'all. Covid SUCKS and I only managed to avoid the hospital because I have enough experience and privilege to get what I need from the medical system relatively fast and painlessly. Don't spread Covid and try not to get it. Be safe, y'all), and when I was feeling ok-ish enough that laying in bed pretending to be a rock got way too boring, I picked up this book because I assumed it would be an easy, candy-floss read.

Which it was.

But that's not ALL it was. Let's talk Scales and Sensibility.

I was unexpectedly invested and thoroughly DELIGHTED by this book. It's essentially a standard regency romance novel but with the addition of lap dragons.

Ok, technically they're shoulder dragons, but the vibe is extremely lap kitty, and honestly in this house we STAN Sir Jessamyn.

Elinor is separated from her sisters and goes to live with her dickhead Uncle, arguably clinically depressed Aunt, and Queen Brat of a Cousin after the death of her parents, and her goal of being the "model poor relation" goes straight to hell within about the first five pages of the novel. Refusing to let poor Sir Jessamyn be abused by Cousin Penelope, Elinor basically kidnaps him, bails, and gets hit by a carriage before she makes it properly into town. This ends up being a meet cute with Mr. Benedict (seriously, regency romance novels really like having Benedicts in them) Hawkins. That's more or less all the plot you're going to get from me on this one, because I encourage you to read this delightful book.

In terms of other important things about the book, I thoroughly enjoyed the writing style. It tended toward light, fluffy, and endearing, but didn't shy away from a littled added heaviness when that was warranted, and the writing mirroring the tone so well is a skill that is rarer than you might think in genre fiction (*side eyes Brando Sando and his "invisible prose"*), but it just makes an already fun read feel stronger and more immersive.

Character-wise, Burgis created a stellar cast of clearly differentiated, personality-filled characters who I literally could not help but be deeply invested in by like, the end of chapter one. It can be easy in romance novels to let characters be more or less cardboard cutouts without much in the way of actual personality. This book DOES NOT have that problem. Elinor, Sir Jessamyn, Benedict, Penelope, and everyone else has vibrant personality that practically leaps off the page.

Finally, we have the dragons. The big dragons in this universe were, sadly, apparently hunted to extinction, leaving just the little dragons who can be trained up to sit on ladies' shoulders as a literal accessory. Sir Jessamyn is not cut out for this life, and Elinor is not a fan of turning living beings into literal fashion accessories. This is not unpacked terribly deeply in a systemic way, but as a synecdoche for assumed wider social and moral issues in the world, Sir Jessamyn serves quite well to sketch the broader picture by implication. This was such a fun idea to propose and immediately deconstruct, and I really enjoyed the draogny aspects of this novel.

If you're missing your fantasy regency romance fix this week, I cannot recommend a better solution that Stephanie Burgis's Scales and Sensibility. There is likely more to be said about this book as an homage to or gentle spoof of Austen's Sense and Sensibility, but as I have not actually read Sense and Sensibility, I'm afraid you'll have to look elsewhere on book internet for that content. I'm perfectly happy for now to enjoy Scales and Sensibilty on its own merits.