#think I need to change her lil picture thing tbh she's very dark

[nightscythe]

v. appetence

→ lorgar aurelian x astreya [oc, she/her]  → 5.5k, nsfw 18+ (but no smut?), tw its literally spiritual abuse, if you call it that, and pretty heretical → pre-heresy (on his pilgrimage thing), lorgar gets a lesson in devotion from the evil spawn of erebus and kor phaeron

“Have you ever knelt without expecting something in return?” she asks. He looks up to her. His silence is enough of an answer. “True devotion, my beloved, is surrender. To give yourself up fully, without condition. To not expect. Can you do that?”

Yes. He can. He wants to tell her he can. Though his tongue refuses a lie. His hesitation again is his answer. She nods, slowly. 

She tries to take a step back, but he stops her. His fingers wrap around her lower arm, stopping her from abandoning him. He looks to her, eyes wide and glassy. “No…”

“You are not worthy of me yet.” She removes his hand from her arm. Her lips ghost his knuckles, soft, reverent. 

And then she lets go. 

-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈

Another hour passes. 

Another hour wasted. 

Another endless passage of time that drives him to the brink of insanity. Torment fills every crevasse, every aspect of life he had ever known. His father. His failures. His desperation for meaning. The walls of his chamber close in, suffocating, thick with the scent of burning incense. 

His mind is restless. He is plagued by thoughts he cannot silence.  

Her. 

Lorgar has not slept in days. His mind was restless, thoughts plagued with her. Astreya. Not his Father. Her voice lingers in his mind, unbidden. The words that leave her soft lips, taunting him lip the scripture he bowed to every day, yet offering him so much more. 

The candles in his chamber burn low. Shadows stretch long across the floor, disrupted by the flickering of the flames. His hands are clasped before him on the desk, eyes staring down at the scripture which had remained unwritten for… days. Longer than he can remember. 

Her presence should not be so welcome in his thoughts. His burden should be his father. Faith. The mission that consumed every fibre of his being – just until he had laid his eyes on her. A servant so faithful, so devoted, that it consumed him. 

He looks up to the door before a sound is even made. He knew. She was the other side of his door. She should not be welcomed into his privacy. She should be turned away as any other person is. 

Then a knock at the door leads his voice to betray him. Intoxicated. Addicted. His breath is low as the words leave his lips. “Enter.”

She does as he asks. The door is opened slowly, Astreya’s figure hidden so delicately behind. She wore black silks down her arms, robes draped over each curve of her body, shadows decorating any bare skin. She gives him one nod. 

“I felt you call to me,” she says, taking the step into his chamber with confidence. Her lips curl into a smile, slow yet knowing, and she gazes over to him with the foresight he so badly wished to have as well. “I am here, my prophet.”

Lorgar hesitates. Had he called for her? Had she felt it? Or was his yearning so obvious, so unholy, that it bled into reality? Oh, his need to satiate his fixation was worse than ever. At first it was stolen glances. Then it was words. Now, everything. 

“You hesitate,” she comments, stepping closer to him. He expects her to stop where others do. Pay him the respect of a primarch. Yet she moves closer to him; too close. He should move away from her. Maintain distance. Yet, he remains still. 

She leans over the desk, palms disturbing the flood of pages with scribbled words and endless meaning. Her eyes catch the candlelight, and the flame burns so unnaturally in its reflection. She doesn’t even look him in the eyes – her focus moves down to the unfinished writing below him. 

“You doubt,” she states, voice little more than a murmur. The tip of her left finger draws over his words, but she is not reading. Her eyes trail down the paper, to his robe covered torso, then up to his face. She meets his eyes, and he cannot breathe. “You seek something your father will never give you.”

Lorgar’s breath catches in this throat. She saw him. She saw straight through him. His fingers tremble beneath her watchful gaze, and she smiles as though she noticed. For so long he had tried to ignore her. She was not faith. She was not divinity. Yet, she was what he wanted. 

And tonight, she would not let him ignore her any longer. 

His breaths are barely there. He can taste the bitter incense weaved behind everything that reminded him of her. Every sense. Every feeling. Anything that kept his sanity, she had set alight with the flame of the darkness he wished to understand. 

Then, she burned it all around him. 

She leans into him, pausing first when her lips are parallel to his cheek, then stopping when her lips ghost his ear. He can feel her soft, warm breath on his skin. She leaves a whisper knocking on his thoughts. “When you are ready to learn, you know where I will be.”

And she was gone. 

The door closes behind her, yet she was still there. Her scent, bergamot, blood, it lingers in the air. He watches the door as if she would return to him, but she does not. He’s alone with his thoughts, and things were not the same. 

He looks down to the sheets on his desk. He tries to finishing writing, but his hands shake as he tries to put the ink to paper, fingers unable to perform such a simple task. His thoughts are simple, yet so loud. Astreya. Astreya. 

He looks up again, slowly this time, though notices something new on his desk. A piece of the black veil that covered her hair lays forgotten on the edge. A scrap of fabric to be discarded, repaired maybe. He should leave it. Ask a servant to take it to her tomorrow. 

He should not touch it. He should not grasp it between his fingers and lift it to his lips. He should not press it to his skin, feel it against his skin. He should not close his eyes and inhale deeply – memorizing her, intoxicated by her, devouring her presence in the only way he can.

But he does. Shamelessly. Pathetically. He holds it for far too long. His body betrays him, one more time.

The shadows mock him. This is not longing. This is not poison. This is not… 

This is a lesson. She will teach him. He will understand. 

She is with him for a reason. He could not escape her. It was a gift to him, for his true dedication. She would teach him, sweetly, thoroughly… with that saccharine venom she wore so well. 

But the agony of wait would be too much. 

He falls to his knees, trying to focus, to drown out her presence with his Father’s name, with the holy scripture he clung too. His salvation would be his consecration. Yet her name is echoed in every other word. He whispers a shadow of his own voice. Her touch still nearby. 

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

Sleep never reached him. 

He prayed, endlessly, emptily. Forced words of his Father broken by her voice that cut through. She spoke over his prayers. She spoke to him. 

Instead of a bed, he made his way to the chapel. One place he thought he could find silence. As he walked, he avoided the mirrors, the pools of water, afraid to look inside and see her reflection behind him. His knees felt weak. His mind… broken.

As dawn had broken, he forced more prayer. He knelt at the shrine to his Father, to the Emperor, his hands clasped as he whispered verse after verse. You hesitate. You doubt. It was as though she stood beside him, whispering to him then. He looks around, like a mouse aware of the cat that stalked it, hoping to find her eyes looking back him. He never did. 

You seek something your father will never give you. 

It was the final straw. He had left the chapel before his prayers were ever finished. His Father was not the answer. 

But everywhere he looked, he saw her. 

The priestess who passed him in the halls, dressed in robes that covered all parts of her. He had stopped to look at her, his mind believing it was her. Her robes brushed against the floor just as Astreya’s did. 

A whisper between maids. They wait for instruction, talking amongst themselves. A laugh – that was what caught him finally. He looks to the group, shocking them into silence. He searches their innocent faces, hoping to see her. Though it was her voice. Her laugh. He knew the very sound. It was unmistakable, yet she was not there. 

His warriors address him, their words on empty ears. His First Chaplin and his First Captain, they must have known. He could tell. He could see it in their eyes, they mocked him as well. 

He would find himself walking, just to pass the time until nightfall. The grand halls, the temples, the sanctuaries of his own making. It all felt empty. It was all absent of her presence, but he still felt her on him. 

He finds himself in a room, cursed with darkness due to a lack of daylight. The room was used for sinners. Nonbelievers. Silence. He certainly felt it there, creeping over his senses, reminding him that he was alone. He no longer heard her voice, or felt her with him. 

And it felt worse.

He stood in the middle of the room, embracing the darkness. His fingers clutch the piece of veil left with him, hidden in his pocket for the day as though he was humiliated by something so small, and it felt like it shackled him in place. He spoke her words now. That he was hesitating, he doubted, he wanted something his father could no give him. A prophecy yet to be fulfilled. 

He closes his eyes, telling himself to stop. To forget. He can cast her from his thoughts, return to the path of faith, no longer accept what she may be to him. He did not need her. He did not have any use for her. She was another pawn in a game of faith, a test to him, to his piety. 

He speaks her name. 

Soft. Barely a breath. As the syllables leave his lips, he knows. 

“Astreya.”

He lingers on each sound, the shape of her name rolling over his tongue like a prayer he was never meant to utter. Forbidden scripture, knowledge, something beyond him. The beginning of the end. 

It feels like devotion. It feels like ruin.

He says it again. 

And again. 

Every repetition binds him to her. A silent admittance of the truth. She had overcome him. Conquered him. Owns him. 

The silence that follows is deafening. Nothingness. In the absence of sound, the hairs on his body stand on end, nerves on edge for the slightest thing. She is not there, yet she stands behind him. A ghost, one that watches, waits, comes so close to touching him. 

His grip on the veil tightens. I need to see her. I need to hear her. I need…

He doesn’t finish his thought. His eyes go back to the door, broken and old, and it’s almost broken from the force he opens it with. It slams against the wall, startling whoever walked the halls. They make way for him as he takes each step. 

He returns to his chambers, breathing deeply. He tries to clear his mind. Cleanse himself of the madness. He could not be broken so easily. Chained by the yearning he knew little about. He thought he could erase her memory without consequence. He would return to her, under his terms, under his control. He would not linger. He would not crave her. 

The moment he returns to his room he is met with the same incense as last night. A subtle reminder that he had already broken. 

He looks down at the fabric between his fingers. He lifts it up, though stops the moment he smells her again. Another deep breath to clear his mind, or to drink her in once more. 

His fingers unclench from the fabric. He sets it down on his desk, smoothing over the material with slow, deliberate movements, until it lay flat yet creased on the stone. He turns back to the door, but then he hesitates. Just for a moment. Only a brief pause. The smallest indulgence. 

His fingers twitch. He looks back over his shoulder, as if yearning to reclaim what he has just put down. He steps forward and breathes. His hands are forced into fists at his side as he tells himself his own truth. What he wanted to hear. 

He would never speak her name in the dark again. He would not desire her. He would go to her, learn from her in the ways faith had promised him, and he would be free of this. He is in control. He is… pretending. No. No. 

He does not think anymore. His thoughts betray him like his body and his words. Poisoned, tainted. He could not trust himself. He could trust her. He no longer hesitates or doubts. He does not consider what this means. He just moves. 

His feet carry him from his chamber, faster than they should. He does not run, but it was close. The halls blur around him, the golden light casted through stained glass casting shadows across his path. Like a man possessed, he hunts for her chamber, the room he had given her yet scarcely visited, knowing that she waits for him at the end. 

She can explain this. She can tell him what it all means. She can make his thoughts orderly once more, she can cleanse the need he felt deep within. 

She can remind him that this is all a lie. 

The door is already ajar. 

Another voice, another soul inside. The sight of his First Captain embellishes his eyes. Kor Phaeron steps out from behind the door, his smirk sharper than usual. He smoothes over the fabric of his robes, creased and tattered like they had been thrown aside. Lorgar meets his eyes, but the First Captain does not move. 

Lorgar walks straight past him. He can see the smirk. He can feel the scrutiny, the unspoken amusement from his gaze. But he does not care. He doesn’t acknowledge him. He does not falter. He just moves. 

She sits inside. Candles burn at every corner of the room. She had been waiting for him. 

Of course she had. He did not need a purpose to be here. She served him. She was his disciple. She was everything he needed. He does not even greet her, but neither does she. Astreya only watches, a knowing smile curling at the edge of her lips. She does not rise. She does not move. 

“You knew I would come.” He stands before her, breathing ragged, his hands clenched at his side. For the first time in days, he felt measured. Controlled. “This is your doing?”

Her head tilts softly to the side. The flame of a candle flickers in her eye, taunting him with her own amusement. Before he can repeat his words, affirm this time, she finally rises. She’s slow, like a tiger after a meal. Not a care for him or his troubles. 

She stalks closer to him. Then, she’s too close. He feels his breath catch in his throat. She reaches out to him, the tips of her fingers ghosting the barest fraction above his skin, though never quite touching. 

He does not move. He does not breath. Lorgar cannot do either. 

And then, contact.

She touches his burning skin. Just the lightest graze. Her fingertips brush against his palm. The smallest of offerings to him, yet he reacts instantly. He inhales too sharply. His hand twitches beneath her touch. He had waited for what felt like millennia; for her words, her touch, her. 

“My beloved,” she whispers to him. Her words hit like the fiercest lightning strike. Haunting. His throat is dry. His body betrays him once more. He can barely suppress the urge to grasp her wrist, to demand more, to force her to give him what he now knows he cannot live without. 

She moves her hand up to his chest. It rises and falls too quickly. His mind races too fast. Then, she touches him once more, just her hand, just the weight of her palm against his skin. 

And it undoes him.

His knees hit the floor. The stone may as well have crushed beneath his weight. He does not even realise he has fallen until the candlelight shifts, until he sees her eyes above him, watching his every breath. He is desperate. He is done. 

He holds her eyes for less than a second, breath leaving him as he falls towards her. He rests his forehead against her stomach, bare from the usual robes she wore. As his eyes fall shut, he breathes in every piece of her, unable to think of anything more. 

She is warmth. She is salvation. She is suffering incarnate. 

He feels her fingers on his scalp, nails just scratching the skin, though he can’t be sure. The tattoos and scar had left him numb. His body shudders with every millimetre she moves. Then, she stops. 

“Do not kneel,” she says. Her voice is soft, commanding. He doesn’t look up to her until he feels her hands on either side of his face, cradling his cheeks to move him away from her. She lowers herself before him, kneeling so they are both level. He is not below her. Not beneath her. “Do not kneel, my king.”

As she moves her hands away, he feels the loss of her touch like a wound. Though they are sooner replaced, her fingertips moving slowly across his skin. She follows the inked words, the scared lines that stretch over his skin. First his thighs, then his stomach, then his chest. His godhood, marked on his skin. 

He closes his eyes when she reaches his heart. A single breath is exhaled, body shaking without restraint. He can’t bear to look. To see what may disappear. For this not to be real. He must confirm for himself. He has to surrender. 

His hand rises before he can think to stop it. His palm is placed on her waist. One single touch on her. One single act of need. 

“My beloved,” she repeats her earlier words. Lorgar’s jaw tightens. She leans closer to him, and he feels his grip on her waist tightening. He can feel her breath on his skin, her lips ghosting his throat, this jaw, hovering over his own. 

He could take her. She would let him. He knows she would let him. 

His hand slides lower, following the natural curve of her body until his fingers press into the small of her back. He urges her closer, silently, and she moves willingly. 

Their eyes are fixed as she crawls forward. Though her head is tilted, lips open as though she has words left unsaid, she remains silence. She shifts her body until she almost straddles his thighs. Almost wishes him to move his hand down lower. Their faces are less than an inch apart. Her lips are right there. 

He does not question anymore. He is past that. She moves closer, and his thoughts abandon reason – this is it. The surrender. The moment he has longed for. He will know her.

Then, her lips part, and his ruin follows. “You are not ready.” 

His breath falters. His soul feels shattered at her very words. 

He is so close. 

He does not move. He does not force her hand. But, he doesn’t let her go. She would not give him what he craved. He almost says her name, almost begs. She pulls away so slowly that her warmth still lingers in the air. A smile graces her lips. Anger is somewhere within him. 

Before she disappears entirely, she stops. He parts his lips to speak – to plead – but  she silences him with two fingers pressed against his mouth. A cruel imitation of what he truly wanted.

With the softest whisper, she speaks to him. “Tomorrow, I will teach you devotion.”

She is gone before he can stop her. The air is thick with incense and something else – his own devastation. His fingers twitch at his sides, his nails nearly biting into his palms. He had not even realised he had been holding his breath until it escapes him in a silent, broken exhale.

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

He doesn’t recall the moment that slumber had finally found him. 

It was not rest, it was exhaustion. His mind still felt tempestuous as his eyes fell open. The floor was cold, yet his skin burned. Wished. Yearned. He inhaled sharply, still grasping what was left of her scent in the air, desperate to hold onto anything of her before it faded. Before she was gone. 

It offers no relief. He still aches. Still yearns. His hands press weakly against the stone as he tries to rise, but his strength is gone. His body is leaden, his mind ablaze. Across from him is the desk she had originally found him at, staring back at him in despair. Behind, a mirror, a vanity piece he had been told to not remove by his counsel. He can see her in it. She had left him, not truly. 

I will teach you devotion. The words burn inside him. Tattooed on each of his organs, on his soul. Over and over, they repeat. His first prayer, his only prayer for that day. 

He keeps his silence. 

The day is long, longer than any other. He does not speak of the night before, even with the mocking smirk of his First Captain. He knew. Lorgar would not speak, but he could not say the same for others. He did not dare utter a single word. 

They talk around him, his most devout warriors, the others sent to watch over him by his Father. Men who had given their lives to follow him were at his beckoned call. Ready. Willing. Waiting. 

But his thoughts were so far from them. Not a man had occupied his mind in days. Not even his father. 

No, it was her. His thoughts were with her. 

He feels her with him. A ghost, a spirit, it sits with him. Embraces him. He looks down at his arm as though he would see her there, but nothing meets his gaze. As his eyes fall back to the table, the endless books that he had written, he falls trap to it again. 

Her breath. Her touch. The weight of her in his lap. Her warmth. Her. She was so close to him. Her lips, then her fingers, then her promise. I will teach you.

His breathing hitches. The room around him falls silent, all eyes turning towards him. Did they hear it? Did they see him? Did they understand?

“My Lord?” a voice asks, curious yet reserved. 

Lorgar’s breathing stills. He looks up to the council around him, meeting the eyes of his men. They do not question him in that moment. “Continue.”

He had not looked back to any of them. He thought the table was the only witness to his humiliation, his suffering. The truth was, they all saw, and they all noticed the unspoken tension within him. Something held him back. Something was happening. 

The day felt endless. Words trailed beyond comprehension, the twisted vault of his mind possessing him. It dragged like a knife across raw flesh. All over his body, everywhere her finger had traced his skin. 

I will teach you devotion. 

His thoughts return as he stands in his favoured temple. He looks around, seeing the faces of his most devoted followers, his loyal disciples. His fists clench at his side as he finds his First Chaplain amongst them. Beside him, she stands tall. 

She listens to the sermons, something he should be doing too. She watches his every move, as if he didn’t do the same back to her. He feels the warmth of her body. The press of her fingers to his lips. It’s unbearable. She’s so close. She’s right there. 

He sees it. An invitation. A small smile as their eyes meet. It is not a smirk, nor a grin. Something knowing. Amused. She didn’t watch him as her prophet. Not as a believer in his word. This was something else entirely. His temptation; his tormentor. 

He takes a breath as he moves to step towards her. Quicker than others, she shakes her head. Not yet. 

He endures. He burns. He waits. 

He forces himself to suffer in silence, following her will above all else. He does not know how long he stands there. Time had been forced to nothing more than a crawl. Minutes feel like years. The sermon is not something he can tune into any longer. He only thinks of her words. His first prayer. Her body. Her voice. His mission is no longer what it was before, his faith has been changed in a way that others could not understand. 

He listens. He learns. He does not move toward her again. Obedient, listening to her every word. 

The second dusk had fallen, he no longer hesitates. His duties are discarded. He moves once again. He would think the very will of god had transported him in front of her, for he did not remember a second of it. To her. To his salvation. To his suffering. 

To his obsession. 

She is waiting. Of course she is. She is always waiting. 

“My dearest Lorgar,” she says softly, inviting him into the darkness that surrounded her, “it’s time for your lesson.”

Tonight, she will teach him devotion – and Lorgar Aurelian will never be the same again. 

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

The door closes behind him. He tries to look around, see who had disturbed them, but she’s there already. The tips of her fingers creep up his cheek to stop him from looking. To keep his eyes on her. 

“You must concentrate, my prophet,” she says. Their eyes meet, the darkness of her eyes contrasting his own. He nods, gently, barely moving. Her hand drops to her side. His breath quivers unknowingly. “You will learn.”

He feels his hands reach for her, though she catches his wrists with the barest touch. Her grip is so loose, yet he feels bound to her, unable to move, unable to breath. His body trembles as he waits for more. Yet all she does is watch. She forces him to told still as she considers him, eyes gazing over his body, examining his very being, like he was little more than an offering to the Gods. 

“You are desperate,” she finally states, meeting his eyes again. She moves her hand to his chest once more. Her nail edges over his collarbone, then down the centre of his chest. “Do you even know what you are asking for?”

“Tell me,” he pleads, “teach me.”

She hums. “My beloved, you know this. Devotion requires suffering. Worship demands sacrifice. You must endure.”

She strokes his cheek, watches as he shivers beneath her touch. His body aches. Yearning. Needing. He tilts his head into her touch, eyes falling closed as her name leaves his lips. Then once more, and again. 

“You will be rewarded,” she whispers, voice beside his ear. His eyes dart open. She’s right there. Their skin almost touches. Then, it does. Softly, just at the corner of his lips, she presses a kiss to him. She watches him, lips gapped as her eyes flicker down to his own. “My dearest Lorgar. My prophet. My fallen star.”

She takes a step back from him an turns to face the other way. He can’t move, but his eyes watch. Beg. His voice barely breaks a whisper. “Tell me what to do. Tell me how to be what you want.”

“To suffer is to prove devotion.” His own words sound twisted in her voice. She turns back to him, not looking away from his eyes. “What is it you need?”

“You.”

“And we must learn humility before we may ascend.” Her words are accompanied by her hands reaching to her shoulders. The drape of material is pushed off the edge. Beneath, her skin lays bare. His breath catches in his throat as her body is revealed. He shifts, ever so slightly, ready to move. “No. Do not move.”

His nostrils flare, feet planted back on the ground. He watches. His hands twitch. Her body, naked beneath, calls out to him. Begs for his touch. Wants to be his. Her watchful eye does not allow him to move. He will not be unworthy. He will not be weak. 

“This is not your reward, my prophet,” she says gently. The robes meshed into a skirt are discarded. One step towards him, then another. She’s almost within touching distance. “No, I am your test. Your suffering, to prove your devotion.”

He wants to beg. Scream. Take. Demand. Claim every part of her. It would all be his. It could all be his. But he cannot bring himself to move. 

“Until now, you knelt at the feet of a false god.” She steps towards him again. Her hand is on his cheek again, thumb tracing a line over a healed wound. “Not today. Not again.”

He understands. He feels her request. He makes sure her touch does not desert him as he moves to his knees before her. His eyes begin to tear. He leans towards her, reminiscent of the night before. His forehead reaches her stomach, pressing against it as he murmurs her name. Any other word is twisted until it sounds like her name. 

“Have you ever knelt without expecting something in return?” she asks. He looks up to her. His silence is enough of an answer. “True devotion, my beloved, is surrender. To give yourself up fully, without condition. To not expect. Can you do that?”

Yes. He can. He wants to tell her he can. Though his tongue refuses a lie. His hesitation again is his answer. She nods, slowly. 

She tries to take a step back, but he stops her. His fingers wrap around her lower arm, stopping her from abandoning him. He looks to her, eyes wide and glassy. “No…”

“You are not worthy of me yet.” She removes his hand from her arm. Her lips ghost his knuckles, soft, reverent. 

And then she lets go. 

His fingers shake. Plead him. Beg him to reach for her again. To feel more. Have her again. But she is already out of reach. “You have not prayed like this before.”

“Please.” His words are soft. Broken. Desperate. He sinks closer to the ground. “You cannot leave me like this.”

Her features remain still. The candles burn out behind her, shadows cast across her face. “You do not command me, my beloved.”

“We must give ourselves fully to faith.” His hands ball into fists on his thighs. Every part of his body throbs. Aches. He notices her intrigue. She steps back to him. He looks down her body. Scars, tattoos, her own devotion. She knows. She understands. He lets his hands go, holding his palms upwards on his thighs. “I give myself to you. I offer myself to you.”

Her head tilts. The smile she wears is full of amusement. She reaches behind her head, pulling something away from her hair to allow it to fall by her sides. It sways behind her as she walks. She stops before him again, sinking to the ground so their knees are centimetres apart.

She does not speak. She reaches for his palm, holds it in her own hand for a moment. His breathing is heavy, suffocating the room around them. Another candle dims behind her. She traces down the lines of his palm, waiting. Expecting. Requiring. She does not move. Not yet. 

Lorgar realises. He makes sure her eyes are on his when he speaks. His voice is raw, hoarse, barely above a whisper. As he speaks, she moves towards him. “…Can I? Please?”

She pulls back from him. Deep at the pit of his stomach, he feels a burn. Agony. The tips of her fingers drag across his arm, up to his throat. Tense, hot, he feels her nails press into his skin. She traces his pulse, dull pain throbbing through his body as she reaches his jaw and turns him to look at her. She presses harder as she speaks. “Again. Slowly.”

“Please.” He follows her command. Each syllable is sounded correctly. Each repition strips him further. His breath stutters. His chest pounds. She watches, unblinking, uncaring as he unravels at her feet. “Please. Please.”

Astreya stops. She lets go of him, though her warmth still radiates around him. A pause, not unnatural, has his blood run cold for the shortest moment. Then he feels it. A flicker of hope. A reminder. She is mine. I can have her. I will have all of her. I… am hers. 

She smiles. She leans in, her lips brushing against his ear. “Now… you understand.”

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

a/n: I am very sorry but I wanted him to suffer – and suffer he did. would very happily do a part 2 continuing, I think you know what happens next but... what an interesting read. anyway, hope you enjoyed!! :) excuse any mistakes pls...

[spidersbane]

Hello! Can I get MCU, The Hobbit, and The Man From U.N.C.L.E. ship? 💚

Appearance: She/her. 179,5cm tall, rectangle body shape. Fair skin complexion with quite a few birthmarks. Dyed brown with honey-red highlights, shoulder-length, straight hair with bangs. The left eye is a mix of two colors – a smaller portion of (darker) greyish-blue and a larger portion of hazel; while the right eye is just a (lighter) greyish-blue. Heptagon face shape with two dimples on the left cheek and one on the right cheek (only visible while smiling). A gap between the upper front teeth.

Personality (good and bad traits): Ever since I was a kid, I was always quite mature for my age – I identify myself as an old soul. I come off as polite and well-mannered to strangers, yet I tend to keep it to myself by being reserved. But, that’s because I have social anxiety and I’m nervous and shy when meeting/talking to people. The only people I’m comfortable with being with my inner circle – closest friends and family. I am usually more “open” with my friends than with my family. With my friends I can be my “truest-self” – I smile more, I laugh more, I feel more accepted and understood. I am the mom and the fashionista of the group. Don’t get me wrong, I am fiercely protective of my family, especially of my mother and younger sister. But, lately, I’ve been feeling like the “black sheep” of the family, Cinderella who’s been taken advantage of. I express my affection for the people I care about in little, but practical, ways. I can be a little stiff when it comes to open, gushy displays of affection. Others turn to me for help and advice. I’m kind-hearted and generous, always ready to help a person in need. Always have been motherly towards children. Very awkward at keeping small talk (usually with people that I’m not that close with). Absolutely, hate speaking in front of a public, and if I do, because of my nervousness, I tend to mess up my words and/or I practice whatever I’m about to say in my head at first. I appreciate the simplicity and am often most comfortable when I’m not getting too much attention from the world. I am sensitive – both to criticism and to others’ feelings (I sponge up the feelings and moods of people and the environment around me). Have a hard time saying no or expressing my true thoughts, feelings. I get influenced by other people’s opinions/thoughts quite hard (I take everything to the heart), that is why I tend to keep a lot to myself (may come off as a little bit tense, secretive, mysterious). I avoid the harsh reality by daydreaming (almost every day) – imagining myself in situations far from my current circumstances. Sort of like a self-escape. I worry a lot and overthink almost everything. I am easily distracted and my attention span can be quite short. I have an internal struggle between my needs and wants. I can lack focus and be indecisive as a result – when I decide on one route, I am pulled in another direction at the same time (“But what if…”, “on the other hand...”). That is why I’m having a bit of a struggle with deciding what I want to do in the future (career-wise). I am easily overwhelmed by pressure and stress. There is a self-destructive side to me (self-critical, lack of self-confidence) that I’m working on by confronting my fears (coming out of my shell). Don’t like taking pictures, or other people taking pictures of me. I feel most content when I’ve straightened out all the details of everyday life. I have a routine, that I follow by mostly every day, and if something small changes in that routine, I start to have a small internal anxiety attack. Also, I like to do things my own way, like, when it comes to cleaning the house or organizing stuff, etc. I get triggered even if people don’t do the laundry the way I do. I guess you could describe me as a perfectionist, clean/control freak. In triggering situations I can be impulsive, spontaneous, quick to act. Quick flare-ups of anger/annoyance when being provoked on my patience. Even when I’m feeling low, I manage to find humor in life and have fun with whatever I do have. Although I tend to bottle things up, I am an emotional person and my emotions are genuine – I love and care deeply and passionately and wish no ill will upon anyone, yet it hards for me to imagine someone falling in love with me or just liking me.

Hobbies, likes: My hobbies are cleaning, writing (re-writing song lyrics, making small notes, writing stories), listening to any type of music, catching up on my favorite films and TV shows, hanging out with friends, going to the cinema, or the club, being out in nature, reading, traveling. I like history, cooking, fashion magazines (or fashion in general), road trips, spirituality, mythology, books, orange juice, previous decades, cottage-core, dark academia.

Overall: Hufflepuff. INFP-T. Bi-sexual. Pisces-Aries cusp sign. “Looks like could kill you, but is actually a cinnamon roll.” A feminist, support LGBTQ+ community. That’s it, thank you!

hey @pataim ! thanks so much for sending in your request, and thank you so much for your honesty about yourself. like it takes a lot to air yourself out like that, and I admire your strength for it. but also fINALLY a 'Man from U.N.C.L.E' ship! I love that movie and attempt Illya's accent all the time, so this will be fun :)

For the MCU/Marvel - I ship you with Steve Rogers/Captain America ! 

no one can tell me that Steve doesn’t have a set routine honestly, so let me just get that out there 

he seems intimidating at first, esp as a public figure and Avenger, but Steve is nothing but passionate about what he does. so it may clash w your lack of direction, but I could honestly see him envying that a lil bit, like it’s not that you don’t have direction, it’s the fact that you still have a choice in the matter. 

your love of history put you in a museum, here you bumped into Steve in a horrible disguise. he struck up the conversation first, and once you got past the whole “holy crap that’s Captain America”, you could actually engage with him in the material and boi was he smitten 

he would love to join you when your rewatched your fave things, bc not only is he catching up on more media he missed out on, he’s also getting to know your interests in a way that’s comfortable with you. it avoids all the small talk, but leaves room for discussion after the film/show ! 

since you tend to sponge up a lot of what other people believe, it’s totally Steve who actually tries to question what you think and what you feel about things. he’s someone who encourages you to have your own opinions and to stay true to those thoughts. so while with him, you can rely on him to learn about yourself, you also gain skills for independence

overall, Steve is super patient, and despite his chaotic job as Cap, he takes comfort in his routine, and would find comfort incorporating a partner’s routine into his life. and as you grow in a relationship with him, he’s patient about teaching you how to be your own person, and helping you learn more about yourself. and while it’s uncomfortable, you grow stronger throughout being with him :) 

For The Hobbit - I ship you with Bilbo Baggins !

Bilbo is the definition of introvert, and you're right there with him

not that introversion is ever a bad thing, bc it isn't. but Bilbo is quite content to sit in his little hobbit hole and vibe. like Gandalf had to come find him, ya know. dude disappeared from his own bday.

but anyways. it's not that Bilbo lacks purpose, it's just that he's more content with a quieter life. and it seems like his quiet life would balance you out well! like the Shire is so so chill, and there doesn't really seem to be a lot of pressure on the hobbits to pick a profession. like they just genuinely do what needs to get done.

similarly, Bilbo is the type who seems a little bothered by mushy displays of affection. exhibit a: disappearing from his own bday. like he's much more the type to refill your tea when y'all are reading by the fireplace, which he would totally do w you

it will probs take you a little while to warm up to each, given just how introverted you both are. but when he explains that he has set ways of doing things, then if they're compatible w your ways of doing things, then it doesn't take you long to open up to him

like it'll be a little jarring, but he takes comfort in his routines too. and it'll be an event trying to incorporate both of your ways of life together, but he's willing to do it

overall, yours is a very quaint partnership, built on deep respect for one another. neither of you are going to push the other to do things you aren't into. and y'all just live your best lives together tbh :)

For The Man From U.N.C.L.E - I ship you with Illya Kuryakin !

I love my big Russian spy so much, so this is fun for me

so Illya is the epitome of reserved and generally quiet, so it might take a while to really break down his walls and talk to him. and he's not quite sure what to do with you once you join the team

but, he's playing his game of chess alone, and when you sit down and ask to play with him, he opens up a little more after that

if you're one who get sent out on mission with the team, get ready, bc sometimes those missions require a lot of improvising. but you'd probably be at whatever 'base' was, helping run operations from a more secure place. but Illya and Napoleon improvise a lot, leading to a lot of headaches for you and Waverly

Illya has small bursts of anger, but similar to Gaby, most times, you can intervene and he doesn't get violent. or when he does, he tries to make sure it isn't in front of you. but bc you care so deeply for him, you're there for him in the aftermath. and that's how you show your love for him.

by patching him up if he gets cut, by talking him down when he's angry. and just generally trying to take care of him. and he totally does the same for you, especially if you get sent out into the field

and much to Illya's dismay, Solo doesn't refrain form making jokes about you. but if you can take them in stride, then Solo welcomes you into the team just as well :)

[phoebehalliwell]

Yo that anon with the Bianca/Dency 👌🏻👌🏻 but like ohhh Dency coupd totally meet a cute Phoenix in her universe tho!! 👀 Or maybe a dark Witchlighter? Idk I think her falling I love with a more “neutral” witch hybrid would be cute!

And like do you think her little agency would work with neutral magical sources like phoenixes to find people? Because like Dency could be like a Penn but for the opposite side? If that makes sense?? Like Penn is bringing all the “light” witches together but Dency is really the figures head for the “dark/neutral” witches like the witch hybrids and the phoenixes…like Dency is kinda like the unintentional beacon of light for that side…just by being herself? Like maybe she doesn’t actively campaign for more acceptance for hybrid witches but her mere existence alone and the good she does is enough to get the ball rolling?

tbh as far as dency love interests go i'm a little bit torn because i have this mortal rashid idk if i've talked bout him before but like. he and dency have a classic rivals to lovers arc going on in college liek they fucking Hated each other blah blah blah she definintely gaslighted him a lil with her powers nothing malicious jsut like. teleportation like ha there's no way she'll beat me 2 the best spot in the library bc i just saw her walking up the steps while i am already inside and then boom he walks over there and she's there how?? the fuck>? teleporation fuck u. the point is thru their quasi spy vs spy antics i think they start to gain a sense of respect for one another than and he goes political journalism did this question even mention love interests idk That's Not The Point rashid does politics while dency's a bit more of a muckraker kinda more on a corporate side fraud and all that so they no longer are competitors and um. like they can finally appreciate the other as they are no longer and opponent as with most dency characters they have hooked up a couple times i shouldn't say that because as far as characters that have been introduced dency has slept with none of them bc they are all her besties u should never sleep w ur besties only ur homies but i think. i've stated this before? for starters dency doesn't do a lot of long term relationships just because you know that level of vulnerabilty and like if u really like someone then it's just leverage thatcan be used agianst u Or if u die then ur gonna break their heart but i think she does casual relationships with literally anyone but witches i. haven't posted the chaapter fuck i'll post it now because i've been sitting on it for so long and like i'm worried i'm gonna back myself in a corner w a it's not a plotline i don't like maybe just a plotpoint but i've like. written half the next chapter anyway. i'm also sitting on about 10k i think not only. 7k? unpublished w&s because it's like ending the narrative is ending i really need it to be coherent Speaking of incoherent. dency. i'm gonna post the chapter. but dency hangs out a lot at p3 which has changed hands piper owns her restaurants the backstory for this is.

paige has a charge back in the late aughts she's in a coven the point is her bestie has some traumatic incident happen to her and she wants revenge and it's something that (imo) totally justifies revenge like a killing her rapist type thing and like. it depends how we're going with charmed morality but i've established before i think (?) it's canon that if a witch takes an innocent's life she becomes a warlock like it's possible for witches to defect and become warlock if they take a life Specifically an innocent's life and even tho like that guy would be a mortal he def doesn't get innocent status because he's fucking evil she's allowed to murder him but i think she would murder someone else in the process and then causes her to lose her witch powers and gain a couple warlock powers and the rest of her coven shuns her for it which could have easily sent her down a dark path but paige's charge her bestie like stood by her thru all that like. like it's shit cosmic rules tbh. maybe. for legal reasons: i am not endorsing murder. please for the love of god don't make me admit to a grand jury i have a tumblr that'll be so cringe bro do not murder anyone. but paige's charge stands by her and idk maybe paige gets her a job at p3 all that the point is when piper sells the club to open her restaurant she sells it to paige's charge and her gf the warlock. so p3 kind of becomes a neutral power for magic no vanquishes allowed and it's one of the few places dark magic has on the surface just to vibe u just have to be able to tolerate being served by a witch like she owns the place so that kind of filters it. idk if this is more rambly than it normally is. i promise i'll go back in later and add periods. maybe. i am also a liar. but the point is i think p3 is one of the few places dency can really be hersefl because herself is half demon!! and at magic school she really is suppoed to feel ashamed of that like she hates it or something wishes it gone and Yes. it does scare her. being the source's heir all that. she's always worried about giving in to dark magic but like. she's a demon!!! there's no changing that there's no fighting that pushing it under the rug like. she can't change it she does want to spend her life hating herself like. it's who she is. fuck. so i think she doesn't date witches but like the regulars at p3 some warlocks the occasional like darklighter. dency has had romantic trysts with.

beck to rashid her mortal homies who she has hooked up with who they've always had this rapport they have this thing. bc rashid's smart okay that's why he's at dency's level (respectfully she gets her brains from her father i love phoebe but she's intuitive not intelligent cole on the other hand passed the bar exam (i think) so like.) rashid knows something's up. the point is they each give the other three questions. three questions you ask that the other has to answer fully honestly cards on the table no half truths nothing just the answer. rashid used one of those to find out dency's a witch, but she made him work for it. nothing vague like what are you strange things happen around you why like she's like ask your question but you better be specific about it and he's like fuck it. whatever. magic. that's my answer i think magic happens with you and no i'm not flirting i'm dead serious is magic like. are you magical? and the answer was yes. and rashid like while he was asking while he was like confident enough to admit that out loud to ask that to her face Did not see that coming. of course. there's a difference between like yes i can cast a couple spells and yes i'm the antichrist so. : )! but i think that's like a rapport thing between rashid and dency like whenever they ask hard hitting questions like "is that one of your three questions?" but idk if he's gonna. if he's gonna be it for her. there's also jack dency's childhood bestie so there's the childhood friends to lovers thing but like. i just don't see jack being in love with dency in that way like they're best friends. but not lovers. (but maybe they are??? idk)

But. third potential love interest is if i weren't goign for those two i was actually thinking.

two options here a cupid who reocgnizes dency as "the demon with the cupid ring? yeah that's gotta be the source's heir". so there's that i like the idea of. yeah. : )

but also. and i came up w this in an ask which i will not evne attempti to find. i'm sorry i can't spell you guys but it;s not happening 2nite beloeveds. but if u'vemade it this far. i do love u w my whole heart. dency. love interests. old ask about a squad a half-grimlock. appeal of being able to see auras see good people. this was originally in the ask. a love interest for billie?? maybe. idk. but just like. for dency someine who's always known htey have this immense dark side like. hmmmmmm okay i just thot of somehting. for lili. whish is phillipa. which is the prandy thirdborn. she's phsycics. however tf u spell that sykick. that's not the point dency who has. the source on her soul. falling with someone who can literally see the good in her. i'm picturing the half grimlock just ot like like a normal albino human. and they run a halfway house for those born of evil. because he or she or they idk>??? maybe neorponounds idk!!> whoever they r they run a halfway house for these kids born from demons warlocks darklighters bc they can see the good in them and that shouldn't. you get so scared gifted with these powers you don't understand they need a place to turn to. and the grimlock grimmy offers that place. def not their name but like. grimmy lmoa. ao. yeah. i think jsut opening i think integating magic schoolesp in a dency timeline what with penn and the elders and their pomp and circumstance i think it'd be a pain in the ass. but at the very least A magic school for kids wihtout light magic like they deserve it. evil shouldn't just be their default option. like they're just kids man they're jsut kids they deserve a shot at not even good man not everyone has to go on to be exceptional cure cancer and save the world just like. a chance to understand themselves not be scared. not be hated, jsut be/ like. do they not deserve that? so if grimmy's not a li for dency at the very least they are homies and they like pull together a magic school for neutral/dark beings.

[fragmentedink-archived]

oops nik odds 🤷‍♀️

UR VALID ANON

1. What’s their full name? Why was that chosen? Does it mean anything?

Nik’s full name is Nikolas Isaac Arwaine

Nikolas means ‘victory of the people’ Isaac means ‘laughter’ and Arwaine, I took the Celtic god of the dead Arwan and added a few letters :)

It was chosen bec when i orginally was writing him, he was inspired by Nikolai Lant/sov in Grisha.

3. Did they have a good childhood? What are fond memories they have of it? What’s a bad memory? 

Nik had,,, an interesting childhood. HIs father wasn’t,,, outwardly abusive, perse. But he did lock his kids in places to get out (he broke nates hand bec nate wouldnt stop drawing). His mom taught him how to lie and his parents gave him whatever he wanted besides the one thing he Really wanted

He has fond memories of Adrien and his ohter brothers taking him to the ocean. He had fond memories of hanging out with Nate in Nates studio. One of his fave memories is Nate putting face paint on his face when he was a lil birb

A bad memory he has is getting so afraid of not being able to get out of a room, he threw himself into a panic attack and he was shaking and crying so hard that his dad was so damn disappointed in him that he didnt talk to Nik for a Long Time

5. Do they have any siblings? What’s their names? What is their relationship with them? Has their relationship changed since they were kids to adults?

he had Three (3) sibs. Blake, Adrien and Nate. 

He has a fairly easy going relationship with Blake and Nate. Tho he butts heads with Adrien a Lot. Blake and Nate’s relationship with Nik is kinda the same growing up, tho his and Adrien’s change. Nik used to idolize Adrien, now they just fight all the time

7. Did they have lots of friends as a child? Did they keep any of their childhood friends into adulthood? 

Nik,,, had more superficial friends than Friend Friends. People liked his money and his influence more than they liked him. Tho he is a very infectious person, so he probably does have friends, theyre just awful people who are flighty when things go Wrong

9. Do animals like them? Do they get on well with animals? 

y’know I think Nik does like animals!! he likes all kinds of animals and would like a pet snake or spider but IM NOT GIVING HIM EITHER. He tries to pet Bay’s pet kitten but she claws the hell out of him :(

11. Do they have any special diet requirements? Are they a vegetarian? Vegan? Have any allergies?the main requirement that Nik has is that he doesn’t like his food touching. He doesnt mind mixing his foods, like hot dogs and mac and cheese, but he doesn’t like them touching. He is also allergic to strawberries ;-;

13. What is their least favourite food?

peanut butter

15. Are they good at cooking? Do they enjoy it? What do others think of their cooking?

Nik is actually very good at cooking!! Most of the time he hates it unless hes making something Big or baking something with Cameron, who stress bakes. Cameron secretly likes his cooking but he wont admit it

17. Do they like to take photos? What do they like to take photos of? Selfies? What do they do with their photos?

oh hell yeah!! Nik loves taking nudes pictures and sending them to cameron. His cell phone (if he had one) would be full of random pics of people and of places. MUCH PICTURES OF THE OCEAN. He has a bunch saved on his phone and he has some in photo albums and such

19. What’s their least favourite genres?

mmmm i think nonfiction would bore him, especially for industrial revolution area. I think he would actually really like scyfi and action. Absolutely would love anything that was just fast and action packed. he would fucking LOVE deadpool

Nik: if he backtalks he gets his head cut off but he comes back from the dead. if i backtalk im just DEAD. not fair :(

21. Do they have a temper? Are they patient? What are they like when they do lose their temper?

Nik absolUTELY has a temper. Its quick, its hot and he often makes an ass of himself. He’s not patient. He has,,, some patience, I guess. Where it counts. But it’s nowhere near as long as Nate’s.

When he loses his temper people get wounded or just DEAD. or he just makes an ass out of himself and has to apologize

23. Do they have a good memory? Short term or long term? Are they good with names? Or faces?

Nik has a somewhat good memory. HIs long term memory is much better tho. He’s much more visual and is better with faces.

25. What do they find funny? Do they have a good sense of humour? Are they funny themselves?

NIk has the most juvinle sense of humor lol. But he also has a really fucking dark sense of humor when it calls for it. If someone is bleeding out, and they deserved it, hed laugh

well. he certainly thinks hes funny

27. What makes them sad? Do they cry regularly? Do they cry openly or hide it? What are they like they are sad?

Nik,,, doesn’t really get sad. He gets pissed. He tries hiding his tears, and he tries to not cry. He shoves negative emotions down so much (which is actually why hes such an angry dude :/)

WHen he does break down and cry Cam,,, tries to be comforting with him. They can get surprisingly soft

29. What do they do when they find out someone else’s fear? Do they tease them? Or get very over protective? 

mmmm it would depend on the fear. Like if it was as Genuine fear (like his is) he wouldn’t tease them. But like,,, if it was something stupid hed absoluTELY tease them for it. He would get kinda protective about it, and would tell whoever it was bothering them to fuck off and leave them alone

31. Do they drink? What are they like drunk? What are they like hungover? How do they act when other people are drunk or hungover? Kind or teasing?

DOES NIK DRINK LMAOOO YES YES HE DOES

Nik is mostly a cheerful drunk and hes a fucking idiot while hes drunk. Also is very slutty when hes drunk (tho when isnt he???)

Nik: hungover? I don’t know her. i just start drinking againMe: Nik pls

When ohter people are drunk hes,,, pretty relaxed about it and help them from making an ass out of themselves (tho tbh he would absolutely record them being an idiot). He would try to pry someone off him if they tried to undress him

Nik: yes yes i know i am hot. But unfortunately my conscious would not sit well if i took advantage of the situation :(

33. What underwear do they wear? Boxers or briefs? Lacey? Comfy granny panties?

Nik doesn’t wear underwear. 

Tho he has been known to try on lacy panties ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Nik: don’t judge they’re surprisingly comfy and make my ass look GREAT

35. What’s their guilty pleasure? What is their totally unguilty pleasure? 

ok Nik doesn’t have guilty pleasures. hes not going to feel guilty for likeing the things he does. His total unguilty pleausres is trashy television shows. He lovesss binge watching say yes to the dress for fucking hours while sprawled out on the couch eating oreos and stoned

37. Do they like to read? Are they a fast or slow reader? Do they like poetry? Fictional or non fiction?

Nik,,,, is not fond of reading. He is Dyslexic and he doesn’t like sitting still or being forced to focus. Tho,,, i think he might read, depending on what he was reading. 

fiction, absolutely fiction

39. Do they like letters? Or prefer emails/messaging? 

mmmmmmmmmm messaging and emails. Much better bec he can read them better. Tho, he does like letters every now and then. Especially if theyre like,,, looove letters 

41. What’s their sexuality? What do they find attractive? Physically and mentally? What do they like/need in a relationship?

He is a slutty, slutty bisexual, my dude. Nik has a hand kink. he finds slender hands attractive. he likes,,,, cool eyes?? if that makes sense?? He finds people who are kinda,,, not,,, cold cold but cool and calmness attractive. That cool confidence, like a sheet of almost frozen water.

He finds delicate features attractive. Like fine bones, not brashness. Sharp as glass cheekbones, slender hands. Tall, not,,, too much muscle. (am i describing Cameron? MAYBE SO) NIk, upon meeting Cameron: oh no hes not

mentally, he finds confidence attractive. he finds assertiveness and dominance attractive. He likes someone who can command a fucking presence. He finds passion attractive. Someone that is so passionate and so devoted to something/one attractive

What does he like? he likes someone that will meet him halfway, who will want him, and that he will be enough for them. He has a bit of an inferiority complex  and he thinks that people will just get tired of him and he wants- he NEEDS- someone that he will be enough for, that they arent going to just bolt when things get rough. Which,,, is interesting bec Cameron,,, is Cameron and hes going to want to control the situation who is afraid fo feeling anything for anyone

43. Are they religious? What do they think of religion? What do they think of religious people? What do they think of non religious people?

Nik,,,, acknowledges that there are gods. But i would not call him religious. If he were in modern day, he might MIGHT be spiritual but he will joke and be like dude, im going to hell.

He thinks of religious people, and nonreligious people the same way. Believe what you want to believe, but don’t shove it down my throat

45. How do other people see them? Is it similar to how they see themselves? 

A lot of people see him as a lost cause, as some druggie who is going nowhere other than down. Some think that he’s just,,, lost. HIs dad sees him as his Son who just needs tough love and the right pressure to Honor His Family

Nik,,, sees himself as a hot guy, whos shallow and with money. People dont like him, they like his money and what he can do for them. 

47. How do they act in a formal occasion? What do they think of black tie wear? Do they enjoy fancy parties and love to chit chat or loathe the whole event?

mmmmmm Nik doesn’t like many formal occassions. He thinks theyre boring and people are fake as fuck. He Hates black tie wear and he only agrees to wear a tie if Cam uses it on him later ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

he hates chit chat but he does fucking love gossip. He’ll find a couple of people to hang out with and get the Dish

49. What is their most valued object? Are they sentimental? Is there something they have to take everywhere with them?

his lighter. Its a flip lighter with engravings on it, that Nate got him. He uses it when he gets anxious. That,,, is actually the reason Nate got it for him, tho Nate did not say that.

If nate said anything about Nik having any kind of disorder, Nik would shut him down instantly.

Tho, Nik does take it everywhere with him

[somaybeimbiased]

SHINee 5 | Ghost Hunters AU

I redid this early post and I think I improved it, others also requests a couple things about this AU, so I just redid it bc the other one was messy

With increasing reports of things going ‘bump’ in the night, a team of 5 guys formed, and they travel around South Korea. They film their findings and post them on youtube. They have 20 million subscribers, even if they do talk in Korean. (Subtitles my guys) Viewers think they are all v cute and hilarious but also this is the most realistic ‘ghost’ show out there.

Onew- Research Analyst

He was never one to believe in ghosts.

He didn’t even think it was a possibility.

After his mom died and Taemin started blabbering about how mom was still around and that nonsense, it made him hate the prospect of ghosts.

But when his best friend in high school asked him to help out, he couldn’t say no.

His filming was trash, but it got the job done.

It was all fun and games until ghosts actually started moving stuff

The breaking point in his skepticism came when a door slammed shut behind him and locked him in Jonghyun’s cellar.

Might’ve cried a lil

After that, he went ham researching the paranormal.

His and Taemin’s dad is a  cop so he will sometimes ‘borrow’ his dad’s database computer to see if there is any sketchy happening in the history of wherever they are heading.

He was kind of against Key putting the first video on youtube, but it got popular so he forgave it.

Never gets used to the prospect that he has fans who like him the most out of their group. Like he has fangirls

After becoming a hit and getting 10k subscribers with only crappy iPhone videos, so after a while, they decided that they need more people on their team.

Put an ad on craigslist

The only ones who answered were his brother and Minho

Very much against Taemin and his boyfriend? Best friend?  Joining the team.

Thought that Taemin would turn it into a joke

But then he watched his little brother get possessed and he freaked tf out.

Got used to it after a while.

Their youtube channel continued through high school graduation and only got more popular.

They would film on the weekends.

He is really into it after a while and he basically becomes a human dictionary for ghosts

Like, ask him any question  and he will spit out the answer

Minho will only let him touch and cameras and other $$$$ equipment

“You’re the least likely to get scared or get possessed so-”

Except he runs into stuff all the time so?

Like if you think he is clumsy during the day, you should see him try to get around with a night vision camera.

Sometimes he will just trip or fall and Key s c r e a m s

“ARE YOU OKAY DID A GHOST GET YOU?!?!”

Jinki just kinda laughs it off, bc Key is so jumpy.

But overall he likes being a ghost hunter

Like it’s fun, plus he gets to spend a ton of time with his best pals

Jonghyun- The Leader

Every great story starts with a stupid decision.

Jonghyun’s was letting Key convince him to make and use an Ouija board during a sleepover when they were 13.

He 100% thought it was fake until the planchette started moving by itself even though Key and he were on the other side of the room.

And then him and key just like took the board and put it in the garbage.

But the damage had already been done.

His house was haunted.

Ever since then, he and Key had been trying to prove it to someone that they’d messed up Jonghyun’s house.

They invited Jinki over to try to get evidence on camera

So they made Jinki film using Key’s crappy iPhone and a cereal box voice recorder Key had saved boxtops for.

But then they caught some weird voices and the cellar door shutting on Jinki and they were spooked

Key put the evidence on a youtube channel and people went crazy for it.

They loved the video.

He wanted to make more, so him Key and Jinki tried just them for a year or so before deciding they needed to expand their group.

The ad on craigslist seemed to work bc they got a cameraman and a medium.

How cool are they?!

Once they started getting more and more popular, people would email him about coming to their house, business, etc.

Their youtube views were high too.

He 100% carries around a lil suitcase full of traditional ghost hunting stuff, like an ouija board salt, sage, etc.

Screams in falsetto

Gets scared easily, but is nowhere near as bad as Key

Sometimes Key’s screams startle him more than the spooky ghosts.

He also always gets scratches on his legs?

Like?

He can’t wear shorts anymore.

“No, I don’t own a cat.”

Lowkey thinks Taemin might be lying, but only because Jinki said he thinks it might be a coping mechanism.

But then Taemin sprouted off how a demon was following Jjong and has been attached to him since he was 13 and Jjong hadn’t really told anyone besides Kibum and Jinki what happened when he was younger so like

“Wow, okay, accepted.”

Key- The Comic Relief / Face of the group

This guy is scared of ghosts

Doesn’t know why he thought hunting them was a good choice.

Only in it for the potential views at first when they made Jinki film them in Jjong house.

1000% believes in ghosts though.

Made a youtube account for them.

GhostHunters5_25

He s c r e a m e d when they went viral

“SO MANY PEOPLE HAVE SEEN MY FACE”

Basically became an instant meme.

Pictures of him screaming and crying a lil are all over the internet.

Any fame is good fame.

100% let it go to his head.

Like, fame didn’t change him, he just got cocky with the ghosts.

It got worse when they really blew up after Taem and Mango joined the team.

Made everyone wear makeup for filming.

M: “I’m behind the camera why do I need makeup?”

T: “Also we are in the dark, I don’t-”

“SHHhshhhHSHhHh”

He was crazy for the views and stuff.

A skeptic of Taemin, like legit at the beginning he said they should kick Taem out.

“I can bring my dogs instead. They are just as cute as Taemin and dogs can sense things”

Got possessed once

It was for like 10 seconds

But he didn’t take it suuuper seriously until that happened.

He wanted to quit at first like he walked out of the house they were investigating.

Taemin tried to talk to him about it like

“Bum, I know you’re stressed but like, It happens to me all the time, and I’m fine.”

“No, you’re a freak! That’s why they go to you! If you were normal you would know how I feel!”

Taemin just left, and he ignored Key for 2 weeks straight.

Jjong and Jinki convinced Key to talk to him, bc if they didn’t patch stuff up, they’d lose their cameraman, their medium, and two of their best friends.

Everything was okay after he apologized.

From then on he would bring a doll with him to all investigations

The doll was an old cabbage patch kid

He named her Susan

“The ghost can possess the doll instead of me now”

The doll never actually gets possessed.

But sometimes 2min hide his dolls so he thinks it might’ve worked.

Also the fun cop™

Makes them go to the library before every new place to do research about it led by himself and Jinki.

Takes it suuuper seriously.

“Jonghyun, stop putting paperclips in Taemin’s hair”

“Where did Minho go?”

“Taemin, wake up you’re drooling all over the phonebook from 1987!”

“Minho when did you go get Panda Express?!”

Done with their bullshit

Minho- The Man behind the Camera

Didn’t actually know the others before this.

Like vaguely knew Jinki bc he is Taemin’s brother brother

But he really only knows Taemin, his bestboyfriend

They don’t like labels

One night Taemin showed him a crappy youtube video for three dorks hunting for ghosts.

“Isn’t that your brother filming? I didn’t know anyone could be so bad at filming! Who let that happen?

The film major was not impressed.

Left an angry comment on their video about how they need to get a proper cameraman.

A couple weeks later he was scrolling through craigslist while ignoring his homework and he found an interesting ad.

In search of extra crew to help investigate paranormal

“YO Tae, wanna become ghost hunters?”

Like he was aware Taem had that power, and those three morons needed a good camera guy tbh

Were the only ones serious about answering the ad

Him and Taem got the jobs because they were the only ones to actually answer the ad.

He told them that he was there just to handle equipment and be a cameraman

Quickly given a crash course on the good angles of Kim Kibum

Purposely zooms in on Key when he screams.

He is hella good with the camera work, and he is able to use extra footage sometimes for his film classes.

But he never really gets used to  what happens

Especially when he watches his best friend get possessed the first couple times

Did not cry

One time there was a loud crash in an old house they were investigating and they sent him and Taemin to check it out.

Surprise.

It was a skunk.

So now he always checks the site before setting up.

He also now keeps a few jars of tomato juice in his trunk for emergencies.

Taemin- Mr. Medium

He lowkey resented his brother for starting a paranormal investigation team after teasing Taemin a large portion of their children over Taemin making things up.

He and Jinki were never as close as they were before their mom’s death.

Jinki claimed Taemin was making stuff up, but Taemin let it slide because his mom told him that he was the only one who could see.

Like those rumors that younger kids can see past the physical world but as they get told that ghosts aren’t real and whatnot they lose the ability.

Those are true, but Taemin’s mom being a ghost made it so that he never stopped believing

When they asked Taemin what he could contribute to the team he just deadpanned

“I see dead people”

Jonghyun and Key asked him if he needed therapy.

He almost cussed them all out for being close-minded when they were the ones hunting the ghosts

He is a self-acclaimed Clairvoyant and a Clairsentient

He found out at a young age that he wasn’t normal

His and Jinki’s Mother died in an accident when he was 7

When his father got home to tell him the news

“Don’t joke! She’s right behind you!”

Therapy sucks.

It’s a touchy subject for him to this day.

He has fun with this though, he is able to feel and see the ghosts when they don’t hide themselves

This makes him a valuable asset to the team

Glad that the others allowed his bestboyfriend to be the cameraman too, bc Mango hadn’t shut up about Jinki’s shaking filming.

He instantly became a hit on the youtube channel

He got fangirls from this too.

It’s great to have anyone other than Minho alone believing him.

A lot of comments are about how the hot medium is their favorite and how genuine he is.

Like ‘oh hello, how did all these flowers end up at our house Minho?’

Also, if we talk about Key being a huge meme, we can’t forget about him.

He has a hilarious expression at least 50% of the time.

Gets possessed all the time though

OT4 asked him why he was the one to get targeted all the time

“What can I say, I must just be irresistible”

“They like me because I sympathize with them and my emotions are easily manipulated to suit them”

Also bc he is lowkey into Wiccan charms and it’s only to protect the others from harmful spirits.

Got really hurt when Key got possessed bc he was the one that stopped the spirit from being inside Key for too long, and then after the fact Key hurt him.

He also jokes around a lot outside of the site and when around OT4

Pulls lil pranks on them

But once they arrive, he is all business.

Randomly stares off into the distance all the time bc he sees a ghost

Lowkey afraid of ghosts, but only because he has gotten really hurt in the past from them

Prays all the time to try to protect himself more

/AN// I hope you guys enjoyed! I am wrapping up the semester next week so I’m hoping to start writing more! Thank you <3

See More of My Work on my Masterlist

[starryseo]

youtuber!changbin

omg i’m excited for this one bc it’s the loml

s e o  c h a n g b i n

enjoy :)

Chan | Woojin | Minho | CHANGBIN | Hyunjin | Jisung | Felix | Seungmin | Jeongin

introducing the one and only. . .

Changbin “I love dark” Seo!!!!

so, as you (probably) already know

he has done lots of collabs with chan and jisung under 3racha

that’s how he met the rest tbh; chan messaged him and jisung both for a 3-person collab and then he stuck with them bc they made some bombass tracks

and he also manages the joint StrayKids youtube account where their gameplays are posted

he has too much time on his hands

which is also why he posts a lot of diss tracks about the other guys

it’s all in good nature, no harm done

and his insults are the bEST

he’s actually a lyrical genius

and no one can hate him or what he says in his raps because

1) what he said is probably true

2) if you hate on it, he’ll come out with a second diss track that’s much worse

his tracks are usually about how chan is like the dad of the group

but everyone just uses him for his money (not in a mean way!!!!!)

or about how felix is desperate for changbin’s love but it’s unrequited (he’s still salty about the forced kiss ok, give him time pls)

he hasn’t made a diss track about jeongin though because the boy is too precious okay no one can say anything bad about him except jyp but hes a snake so screw him

you may be asking what changbin could’ve said about seugmin bc he’s also heckin’ precious but i’m afraid you’re gonna have to wait for seungmin’s one to find out ;)

jisung once hacked into changbin’s youtube account

hacked meaning he guessed changbin’s password (hint: it was ilovegyu<3)

and changed the profile picture to a screenshot he got from a video hyunjin took of changbin being dared to act cute

the video was vv cringey so jisung figured this was the perfect revenge for that diss track changbin made of him

and he also thought changbin needed a change from the pitch black profile pic he had up before

yeah, he loves dark thaaaaat much

as well as producing music and gaming

changbin also dabbles in skateboarding and a biiit of parkour

he does this with felix

(when he has a quick method of escaping felix’s wrath, he can tolerate time together)

his skateboard is. . .

you guessed it: black

probably has a skull or some other ‘scary’ design on the front too

but felix managed to notice a small sticker of a munchlax (the pokemon gyu is fyi) on the back too :) cutie :) 

changbin really loves skateboarding because he thinks it looks cool and goes well with his dark concept

but then he always ends up bumping into something because sometimes he pulls his cap too far down and so he can’t see very well

idiot

it’s really funny seeing him try to act nonchalant about tripping up

when everyone around saw

and felix videoed it and is laughing his ass off

changbin threatened to murder felix if he posted that video anywhere

and felix was like “;) good thing i haven’t posted it... i did send it to the SK group chat though”

bro felix was literally running away for his life and changbin was right behind him on his skateboard tryna run him over

that was not a good day to be felix tbfh

the parkour he does is usually quite simple (about as simple as parkour w/ a skateboard can get)

but he looks badass whilst doing it so it’s cool

his favourite move is when he rides perpendicular to a rail and so the board goes under the rail and he jumps over the rail

it took a while to perfect the landing but he was really determined and now he’s mastered it i’m so proud of him

whenever he posts these videos he gets a lot of comments

because with his music & gaming videos his face usually isn’t seen

but with this, it is

so there are a lot of comments about him being b e a u t i f u l

the comment with the most likes was from jisung who was like “mr dark?? more like sunshine boy! :) keep up the great work i <3 your vids!!”

he was close to reporting that comment just so it would go away lmao salty

but instead he ranted to gyu like “sunshine boy? i’m not a sunshine boy, i’m a dark, dark man, right gyu?”

the group have a lot of hang-outs at his house (bc dude look at his house wtfffff it’s so shiny)

and his mum is the cutest!!! always giving them food as soon as they enter

she also LIVES to embarrass her child, poor changbin :(

constantly pulling his cheeks, giving him lil’ kisses and always calling him her “little prince” or some other equally cheesy variant

the guys lowkey thinks it’s cute and know she’s only doing this for fun, but they still use it as an opportunity to laugh at him

one time she whipped out the photo album with baby changbin pics and omg they’ve never seen changbin redder in the face than that day

no one knows if he was fuming or just really embarrassed lmao

what hurt the most was how jeongin - the baby of the group - was laughing and calling him a “cute baby”

and obviously hyunjin had to go “wow dude you were so cute, what happened to you??”

his mum, bless her soul, was like “he takes after his father that’s why”

#SavageSeoMama (this is where he gets inspiration for his diss tracks)

oKAY BACK TO GAMING!!!!

he mainly plays shooting games like battlefield, CoD and csgo with the guys

loves it when they play with just them in a local match, not online (mainly talking about CoD here)

because then he can put on friendly fire so that he can kill his team mates lmao

he’s a major kill scene stealer and proud - truly evil

the guys eventually kick him out of the lobby

only bringing him back once he’s apologised to them

to this day, he hasn’t apologised lmfao

when they kick him out he’ll just start playing online

because changbinnie don’t care 

he loves killing people’s hype

for instance, jisung will be cheering over the mic like “yay!! i got the last kill”

and changbin will just reply like “ok and?”

jisung: “wHY CAN’T YOU JUST BE HAPPY FOR ME?!?!?!? I <\3 YOU”

the real question is: how did jisung say “<\3″?

he kills his own hype too though

like when he gets the final kill and suavely goes “wow much skill”

and felix is like “yeah!! wow!!! that was so cool changbinnie!!!”

he’s just like “yeah it wasn’t that good, stop that”

sometimes when they’re all playing free-for-all

he’ll start singing his threats

like he’ll be two steps behind seungmin and just start lowly singing “seungmin, i’ve got your back~”

and like normally someone might interpret that to mean “dw bro i got your back, i’m protecting you, you’re covered”

but nah

changbin straight up stabbed seungmin in the back

seungmin felt that betrayal in his heart

so on the one hand he’s singing to people before he kills them which is heckin’ creepy

but on the other hand he has a beautiful voice so it’s not that bad???

but on the other, other hand (idk imagine 3 hands or smth) he’s technically being nice by giving them a heads-up before he kills them so

really

they should appreciate his kindness

:)

ok no i can’t defend him he’s too into these killing games

the only person he likes teaming up with is hyunjin and here’s why:

chan talks about strategy too much (dude all you gotta do is kill ok relax a bit)

woojin, as previously discussed, makes really bad rookie mistakes

minho gets too frantic when ambushed and just ends up dying without fighting back

jisung is too talkative

felix is also too talkative and is too risky (he’s literally jumped in front of changbin’s character dramatically like “I’ll save you!”. jeongin ended up killing the both of them together lmfao #DoubleKill)

seungmin just runs around in the middle of the battlefield with NO strategy

and jeongin is jeongin. he’s too precious for changbin’s lethality

so that leaves hyunjin. he’s the right amount of talk-y (yes that’s now a word), he has gr8 gameplays, he can handle a multiple-person attack AND he can be really frickin’ ruthless at times

gotta love that boi

felix is always fueled to kill hyunjin for stealing his man

but honestly changbin would rather just solo it because “i work alone, buddy” [sOMEONE GET MY REFERENCE PLS]

wow this has gotten rlly long soz

imma just end it here:

although changbin loves killing them in games and mocking them through his diss tracks

the guys know that they can trust him 100% and that he really, truly does have their backs (even seungmin’s)

and he’s always prepared to fight anyone that hates on any of the guys because only he can do that okay they’re his family and no one else can do that to them

he feels blessed to have them and whenever they come around to his house he’ll get lowkey sentimental bc wow, this is his family that bring a smile to his face everyday

and although he probably won’t admit it without jisung forcing him to, he really loves these guys and is glad to have met them

thank you for reading this far lmao hope you enjoyed it & feedback is always welcome!!

i saw some tag where someone talked about waiting for hyunjin’s one, and bc i’m doing this in age order he’s coming soon

and now just to playfully annoy them i wanna change the order

just kidding

ok not kidding i wanna change the order but i’m too lazy to since i’ve already planned it out

also!! is the desktop theme okay for everyone?? pls let me know of any improvements! :) thank youuuuuuuuuuu

[villainau]

both aus / general

very soft hair when it’s not styled but you can’t touch it unless you’ve caught him when he’s sleepy and/or just waking up because you will be assassinated

his uncle’s surname is trumble so tbh valeska probably wasn’t lila’s real surname. she’d have changed it to sound more “exotic” in the circus. but let’s thank god for that and the fact that the twins are valeskas

doesn’t tend to lie because he’s more the “cruel honesty” type, but is a very good liar when he does - not as good as jeremiah because lying was always jeremiah’s forte, but jerome can easily put on an act or think up a story on the spot with enough detail to make it convincing 

can easily go days without sleeping, and when he does fall asleep it’s only in his actual bed like 40% of the time

throws all of his red clothes in with jeremiah’s white clothes for washing constantly

swears so often. can easily say “fucking” twice in one sentence and throws one use of “shit” in there for good measure

no short sleeves outside ever. in private maybe, but not for long

his favourite colour is red, but he actually kinda likes pink too, especially hot pink

his first word was “miah”

villain au

lowkey hates being touched from behind e.g. pats on the back, a hand on his shoulder, etc, especially unexpectedly (and just hates the feeling of being snuck up on in general). he’ll stiffen like hell and the only people who can get away with it without him reflexively whacking their hands off of him are jeremiah and bruce, but they tend not to do it anyway because they can tell he doesn’t like it

absolutely had a super embarrassing doodle of a heart in his diary with “j + b” inside it, along with some v crude scribbles of things like him and bruce holding hands and them stabbing someone

Scary Kinks tbh. knives, pain (both others’ and his), blood, whatever, he has very little sense of limits. he is honestly not above even sticking a gun in your mouth if that’s what he’s feelin’. he’s only done that with bruce once, during the rebellious phase and the early days of the physical stuff, when he was still pushing limits and seeing how far bruce was really willing to go here and there weren’t a ton of Romo Feelings involved; he’d straddled bruce on a chair and he put the barrel of a pistol to bruce’s mouth, expecting nervousness or panic or some kind of reaction along those lines - but bruce just maintained steady eye contact and opened his mouth slightly, with no fear and watching him right back, which basically resulted in jerome thinking oh and yep, brucie’s something alright, grinning and throwing the gun off to the side to be ignored while they got on with Things. he wouldn’t do that with bruce anymore though - as dangerous as their lives generally are and as much as he loves that, he’s far less willing to go carelessly pointing loaded guns at bruce himself these days

does not like being tied up during NSFW Activities because he hates feeling confined/trapped and not being able to move his arms and not feeling in control because it’s too vulnerable, but bruce being tied up is Another Matter Entirely

lowkey praise kink. will either tell you to shut up or find Ways to distract you from talking if you actually try it, but is secretly kinda into it because he requires positive feedback in Most Things

identifies as bi but really couldn’t give a flying fuck about gender. if you’re fun and you can give him a good time, the rest is background noise

is annoyed when people are taller than him, so he avoids standing directly next to people who are too often (but on the other hand really likes standing next to shorter people because he likes to make it obvious that he Wins)

takes the fact that jonathan is the only person in the team taller than him as a personal threat. once idly mused to him about the possibility of sawing off his feet so he could be superior and just got a very deadpan try it. look and decided “…….maybe some other time”. it was probably a joke anyway. like 90%.

despite having a boyfriend who wears black almost exclusively, he pretty much never wears black himself. he’ll occasionally wear dark suits or one item of black clothing or whatever, but he always has something in his outfit with colour and tends to go for brightness over anything else

sends awful memes in the team group chat at 3am and no one thinks they’re funny except him and jervis. sometimes ivy does, and she occasionally sends a nice response even if she doesn’t just to be polite, but other times they are just Too Bad even for her

does also pm ivy Nice Things that remind him of her though, and these she does like. he also sends her random pictures of animals and flowers w captions like “is it just me or does this beanstalk kinda look like jonathan” and she can’t help giggling a lil at some of them and then feeling bad for it

master of the ironic “UWU” and “OWO” emojis and everyone else hates it

him and jervis are the only people jonathan actually responds to on the phone (other people can call him but he’ll just silently listen to what you have to say and then hang up, so it’s in the air whether he even heard you or not) and he finds it disproportionately funny that jonathan once answered the phone with “whomst.” instead of “hello”

he never self-harmed in the sense of cutting, but he also doesn’t have the same reservations about causing himself pain that others do, so he’s done things like put out cigarettes on his wrists/hands, test the sharpness of knives on himself, etc. and physical pain can be something of a release for him

generally fearless, but he was genuinely scared of his mother, uncle and the men his mother had over - killing lila and zach helped with a lot of this and made him feel like he’d won. he still gets a little on edge when someone reminds him of them in speech/appearance/personality, but he’s more likely to use it as an opportunity to prove to himself that he has power over the memory of lila/zach and that they can’t hurt him anymore by getting one over on the person in question too

in the very early stages of the abuse, he coped with it by believing that his mother loved him no matter what and clung to the hope that it would all stop one day and she’d sober up and love him properly. it sinking in that she didn’t love him at all and that it was never going to change was one of the things that ended up contributing to his eventual psychotic break

what is a stable self-esteem? jerome doesn’t know. can go from calling himself garbage to calling himself a god in .0002 seconds

tried to strangle an arkham therapist once because she brought up his childhood abuse and kept pushing him to talk about it and he just lost it. after that, all attempts at therapy for him were dropped

has an uncomfortable amount of knowledge about how to set broken bones and put in dislocated joints because there were times in the circus when things got really really bad and he should have gotten hospital treatment, but obviously nobody would have taken him, so he had to learn to do even the serious shit himself. early on, he came dangerously close to seriously fucking himself up and making his injuries worse more than once thanks to his amateur first attempts at fixing them

people in the circus were kinda-sorta aware of what went on with his mother, but basically just didn’t care; it wasn’t their business

touch-starved. one of the reasons he reacts so strongly the times when bruce is super gentle with him is because literally no one has ever just touched him softly before (and generally he isn’t used to being touched at all without pain immediately following) so at first it’s almost too much

generally isn’t affected by his facial scars and isn’t self-conscious about them at all, but is very used to other people finding them scary/unpleasant so was genuinely thrown off-balance the first time bruce traced them and called him beautiful

surprisingly, he can actually cook - he had to make his own food a lot in the circus when he was younger, it was either that or scrounge from the circus food stalls, bc lila sure as hell wasn’t making him meals - he just chooses not to anymore because, frankly, he can’t be bothered 

he and bruce don’t really ever say “i love you” in so many words. they know what they have going on, so why would they need to verbalise it all the time when they already know it’s there? jerome’s really not into that kind of thing anyway, and honestly bruce isn’t the most emotionally open person either. bruce was the first of them to acknowledge and accept how he felt, and never denied it when asked by someone else, but he knows jerome and his background and thus never said it first in order to avoid pushing him into territory that may be uncomfortable for him. but the first time either of them said the words to the other, it came, surprisingly, from jerome, spur-of-the-moment - one of the nights he spends in the city with bruce alone, doing the dark shit they do. at one point, bruce slit a man’s throat in a particularly vicious way; jerome was at his shoulder, watching how he did it, and it came out without him really meaning it to: “god, i fucking love you.” bruce might not need to hear it, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t feel good when he does - he made sure jerome had no chance of trying to play it off as a joke by turning around and promptly distracting him with a kiss. ...blood-covered and all.

has some experience with sleeping rough because sometimes lila would just kick him out because she didn’t want to see him that night, so he had to crash with someone else in the circus if they took pity on him or find somewhere else on the grounds/surrounding streets. he’d venture back a couple of days later when he knew she was out, and she’d come back and see he was there - she wouldn’t say anything and would basically just blank him, and that was the cue that he was safe to say

used to cry a lot and got called a crybaby by other kids in the circus when he was very young. over time, he taught himself to laugh whenever he felt like crying, and it got to the point where it was just an ingrained thing, so instead of breaking down and crying, he would get half-involuntary laughing fits instead. he got into a mindset of “everything is hilarious if you just think about it for long enough” as another coping method, because why should he be sad when everything in the world and everything that is happening to him is so damn funny? 

doesn’t happen often, but very occasionally he sleep-talks and says some weird shit and bruce is just like “……..Alright.” he never remembers this in the morning

sleeping position varies depending on the time period. he’s either curled up on the very edge of the bed and taking up as little space as possible without falling off, or he’s sprawled out over the entire thing, and there’s no in-between. the ‘taking up no space’ thing is left over from childhood, but bruce notices this and the longer he’s with bruce and the more comfortable he gets with him (and the more it sinks in that, no, there will not be Consequences if he just lets himself relax - because he does a great job most of the time of not showing any vulnerability over his childhood, but when it comes to night-time and sleeping with someone else there, old habits and fears kick in a little at first), the more he just becomes The Most Fidgety Sleeper Ever. bruce gets smacked awake by his arm in his face a few times, but he has figured out a Solution - if he intertwines his fingers with jerome’s or shifts jerome’s arm down to his waist or something, jerome will just latch onto him in his sleep because warmth. no mentions of this in the morning allowed though, and he was definitely not cuddling, never call it that, he can’t control what he does when he’s asleep, BRUCE  

still has nightmares sometimes - nights are when he’s at his most vulnerable basically, so bruce knows damn well that jerome letting him see that side of him is a gesture of trust

is lowkey intimidated by ecco because that girl picked his ass up when he was unconscious and dead weight, so she could absolutely pick him up while he’s fully awake, and that’s just too much strength for such a tiny woman. he will never admit this. tries to scare her instead because he has a reputation to uphold and is eternally annoyed about the fact that she doesn’t seem at all affected (but he’s convinced that she’s just hiding her fear really well)

high school au

climbs through bruce’s window a lot unnecessarily because he doesn’t want alfred to open the door. alfred usually finds out he’s there anyway, so he would be perfectly fine just going to bruce’s house the normal way, but he likes to pretend that he’s being sneaky and thus cool 

watches a lot of stand-up comedy but is also the world’s worst critic and constantly makes comments about how he “could have made that joke better” or “there was a better way to word that”, which is what originally kickstarts the idea of going into comedy himself

………hm………. concept………. jerome w a pierced tongue………

watched twilight “ironically”. team edward if he had to choose, but thinks both edward and jacob are idiots and will get into an argument about this. will also legitimately debate about vampires vs werewolves. thinks that there should have been a big bloody fight at the end where everyone died, because if there is no violence/gore it’s a shit movie, this is a non-negotiable rule of his

has a fondness for gross/creepy creatures. he’s not at all scared of spiders and will kidnap the bigger ones in glasses and attempt to keep them until jeremiah (and later bruce) makes him put it outside. he’ll straight-up pick up a spider and let it run across his hands while other people scream about it

before bruce and elijah come along and before things start to change, he’s essentially living for jeremiah. if it weren’t for the fact that he has to look out for jeremiah and would never leave him in that environment alone and the fact that they promised each other they would always be there for each other no matter what, jerome’s lack of self-preservation would be a lot worse than it is bc without that to keep him tied to something he just wouldn’t care

when they were very little, the twins had a habit of sneaking into each other’s beds to sleep at night, usually after it had been a bad day with their mother and something had happened. they grew out of it when they got a little older, especially jerome once he stopped being so open with vulnerability/affection, but it was still a comfort that they slept near each other thanks to their caravan being too small for anything else so they knew the other was close-by. once jerome developed a habit of sneaking out at nights, this was also how jeremiah would often hear him leaving or would wake up and immediately notice he was gone

no one will play mario kart with him anymore because he gets ridiculously competitive and ruthless and he has no honour. he will shove you off of your seat so he can overtake you while you’re still getting up.

the only people who can tell him and jeremiah apart by voice alone are bruce and elijah. if anyone else calls their apartment, it’s just impossible to immediately work out who’s answered the phone at first unless they throw in a really obvious mannerism. if the person who picked up the phone is speaking with their mouth full and answered with “yo wassup”, it’s probably jerome. that or jeremiah’s finally broken.

speaking of phone calls, jerome is a nightmare when jeremiah is expecting a work call. if jerome gets to the phone first, it’s just: “is - is this mr. valeska?” “…you’re gonna have to be more specific, pal.” “…the j. valeska that i was supposed to call–?” “nope, pause, do better than that.” then the caller has to wait on the line while they hear “[muffled voice in the distance] JEROME, IS THAT THE CALL I SAID WAS IMPORTANT” “i dunno, maybe. i wasn’t really listening” “i SPECIFICALLY TOLD YOU NOT TO ANSWER THE PHONE IF IT RANG WHILE I WAS SHOWERING” and then vague sounds of clattering and voices before they get a flustered jeremiah on the line like “i am so sorry”

jerome is by far the messier twin, so his room is always a heap of dirty clothes and food packets and empty bottles/cans, but jeremiah can get really fixated on his work so his computer desk and his work-spaces are just full of papers and documents and empty coffee mugs. whenever he gets on at jerome about cleaning up after himself, jerome’s like [WILL SMITH POSE @ JEREMIAH’S DESK] WHAT ARE THOOOOOOSE

jerome and elijah have been to the hospital so many times because of the stupid shit they do that they’re basically on a first-name basis with a bunch of the doctors and nurses. whenever they come in, it’s like “oh, what have you boys done now?” (but really the nurses all love them bc they’ve charmed them and their stories about what happened this time are always hilarious)

bruce cooks sometimes and jerome “helps”, by which i mean he sits at the kitchen counter and just gossips to him, plays on his phone and/or watches him without actually lifting a finger to do anything - until he gets bored and things end up burning because bruce gets Distracted. eventually bruce enlists him to help chop vegetables and stir things because if he’s here, he can be useful, and jerome’s like “hmm what do i get in return?” so they develop a barter system where [x] activity gets jerome [x] amount of kisses and thus things actually get done while satisfying both of them without too much distraction. the only issue being that jerome keeps a) raising his prices and b) insisting on getting rewards for the most ridiculous shit now, like passing a bag of carrots over the counter because it’s just “SO MUCH UNPAID LABOUR, BRUCE” 

still has moments where he reflexively flinches if someone significantly older/bigger/taller than him moves too quickly or suddenly, though people around his size/age or less are fine

is actually more self-conscious about his burnt hand than he lets on. he puts on a front like it doesn’t bother him, but the fact that he’s usually wearing fingerless gloves or has a bandage wrapped around it or has his sleeves pulled over his hands when he can’t have either of those says something. he actually managed to keep bruce and elijah from seeing it for quite a while, since that would have been harder to explain away than other things - they noticed he usually had his hands covered but didn’t think it was for a particular reason beyond it being a Jerome Quirk. one of the most notable things that happens in the future when things start to improve is that he stops wearing the gloves and eventually actually lets bruce hold that hand, whereas before if bruce tried he’d usually pull away and switch sides so bruce could hold the other

the others convinced him to see a therapist after he was officially diagnosed and unexpectedly he agreed (mostly to get everyone off his back), and he was assigned to a relatively young woman called bee. he didn’t expect it to accomplish anything and basically spent the first few sessions being an uncooperative shit and turning everything back on her and giving her smartass answers to her questions. it took a long while, but she eventually proved to be Cool and Funny enough for him to start warming up to her - which didn’t mean he was any more cooperative with the therapy side of things, but it did mean he started to use the phone number she gave him to text her about completely unrelated things in the vein of “holy shit bee you’re not gonna believe what miah just did”. she went along with it and their sessions morphed into jerome mostly giving her Gossip or them having casual conversations - but girl knew what she was doing. he gradually started to talk about bruce, jeremiah and elijah, about his relationship, about school, about the circus, and eventually opened up more about certain things that happened. he never quite got to the point of discussing his feelings about the abuse in-depth (though he did end up telling her a fair amount abt how he felt about bruce) but all in all therapy ended up having a positive effect on him, though bee was v talented at letting him think he wasn’t really giving her much info and that every realisation he came to during their sessions was down to him alone and not because he was talking things through with someone

likes hugs/cuddling/hand-holding much more than he will ever let on

never completely stops smoking, but he does tone it down after they all leave high school. he’ll smoke with other people and sometimes when he’s really bored or waiting for someone, but it’s not one of his first methods of passing the time anymore. trying to get him to stop drinking is a lost cause, though.

[strmgrl-blog]

my name’s saturn & this is my meme shop ! aaaaah no, really though bonjour angels ! for a lil introduction for myself let me just get this out of the way GIFJDKL uhhh i love aoa, day6 & sm artists ( like .. all of them Help ). a traumatized bitch who loves suffering so i project onto my muses to Cope ! GIAUDFJKL god gdfroijmkl sorry ummm i love star wars & video games ? catch me throwing an ow comp match & feeding in fortnite ! i love the moon, she’s the only thing that keeps me alive. i don’t have a mitochondria, i have lunar force. i have one (1) indoor cat who i birthed & LITERALLY 4 STRAY CATS who appeared from the mist. i run a ratchet vet service from my front porch & it’s free, i should be named human of the year honestly, truly. more on this mess of a muse, hyeon, who ( btw ) is literally my everything ? i’ve had her for quite a long time & lost motivation to write her so i’m changing some shit up to see how it goes & this is the product ! i hope you all enjoy reading this EXTREMELY long intro ( bc it will be very long im so sorry ) & befriend both myself as well as hyeon. & if you’re feelin’ a little extra, like this to plot ! i have a few ideas in mind but they’re all worth brainstorming over bc they’re SHIT. anyway, i love u all so much already ? genuinely a kind community i’m nut & WITHOUT FURTHER ADIEU, here’s hyeon ~  ♥（ﾉ´∀`）

warning ! trigger warnings ahead possibly including ꞉ child prostitution, drug abuse, child abuse, mental abuse, sexual assault, depression, suicidal thoughts + other mental illness, murder, & probably a fuckton more. read with caution, please.

⌠ BACKGROUND ⌡

so starting with her parents, where all stories begin, let’s just preface by saying these were awful people. they ran in similar circles during school, a very bad one at that, & fell in love after sharing a joint. in their high daze they saw what their mind was conjuring but not the truth about one another. but for them, it had been enough. thus, their story began. it was a very rocky road but they managed to stay together regardless. the bond they had created blossomed as they partook in illegal activities such as petty theft, vandalism, & it slowly evolved into larger problems. 

after hyeon’s mother, named jung eunbi, stole from her parents for the last time she was kicked out into the street with her boyfriend ( who had also been kicked out ) with no place to go. both dropped out of high school as it wasn’t their “””scene””” & took to the dirty streets of busan trying to turn tricks. they’d do anything they could to get some money to feed their addictions. in the midst of their scrambling for what they deemed as important, they never thought to buy protection. so one fateful night after a good steal, they made love on a dingy couch high as a kite & eunbi got pregnant.

she hid the pregnancy for as long as she could from her boyfriend, he only noticed when there was a rather apparent bump under her baggy clothing. with the weight of the realization they might have to force themselves to become a real family, the couple got hitched & attempted to find real jobs. in some miracle, they managed to find a house to live in & eventually “raise” their child in. 

hyeon was born on the 8th of june, on a dark morning with clouds hanging ove the sky & rain starting to pour. she was premature as her mother did drugs during the pregnancy ( which was really no shocker ) & almost was pronounced a still born before they heard the tiny being crying & gasping for air. her parents had assumed that once she was born, they’d feel that parental love that everyone claimed to have but it never came. they stayed in the hospital a total of two days & hardly let their newborn get the help she needed before they hauled ass out of there. 

the first 3 years of hyeon’s life were better than expected, her parents at least tried to take care of her but once she was able to do everything on her own they left her be to pursue their own happiness. honestly think of matilda but a lot more severe ok

she would often get locked in a closet while there were parties held & her parents were too strung out to remember their child. she could spend days in there before she was released. this was only the beginning.

at 8 years old, her father lost his job ( her mother stayed at home ) due to a random drug test & he of course failed. this triggered her parents to panic as they no longer could supply themselves with their so desired highs. so after a night of scheming, they came up with a plan so sinister not even the devil himself would agree.

random men & women began to arrive to their dingy home as hyeon would be ushered into quiet rooms with them where they would pay to do whatever they pleased with the young girl. this went on for 2 years before hyeon was pulled into the principals office at school with questions about where those bruises on her came from. her mom was picked up for possession & this prompted the police to raid their home to find many illegal substances throughout the place as well as evidence of abuse towards the child.

soon after her parents were placed in prison, hyeon was shipped off to seoul to the biggest orphanage in the country. there she stayed for 4 more years. the time there was quiet, nobody asked her about where she came from & she never spoke about it. in truth, she never knew how to as she was a blank mind essentially. 

luckily when she was 15, after a long & strenuous search, hyeon’s grandparents found her & adopted her into their home in daegu. they were absolutely appalled at this shell of a girl, but could only blame her trauma on their own children. it was here that hyeon was loved for the first time in her life ( & possibly the only time ) & taught how to feel something besids fear. she was still horribly inept at processing emotions or showing them.

two years spent with them & one night as hyeon & her grandfather were sat at the family piano, playing & singing a song as her grandmother recorded them in secret. that same video was sent to an entertainment company without hyeon’s knowledge but was thoroughly surprised & equally as excited when she was recruited. only a measly year in training with her 2 group members before they debuted & they were suddenly the biggest gg in sk.

the group debuted under the name of PTL, hyeon’s stagename was now Tink as she accompanied her members in the ride of a lifetime. they were extremely popular with their girl crush yet enticing vocals with miss tink as the main vocalist & maknae. even so successful as to have a world tour ! the group had their differences, hyeon being the medium for them as the other girls were rather opposing forces. often she was put in the middle of their arguing only to run away when conflict came up. during this time she would write & compose her own songs, bringing a heavy soul feeling to the group with her powerhouse vocals.

with all this being said ( which was a LOT ), there is still more. a year after debut while the group was climbing in popularity, hyeon began receiving texts from an unknown number. she soon found out that the people behind the mask were her parents, somehow having managed to be released from prison & found their new mission in life was to harass their daughter. on an october night, after an argument went down within the dorms between hyeon’s two members, the youngest set out by herself to meet those who hurt her for dinner. 

as expected, it went horribly. at this point in her life, she was extremely impressionable, & witnessed how her eonnie handled things which was with a liquor bottle in hand. so, like an idiot, she went to a club by herself to get fucked up. while sitting at the bar, a random man drugged her drink & took hyeon home with him. the night was a blur but when the young woman woke up she felt familiar bruises & a blanket of rage took over. the man was still passed out next to her.

so as she slipped out of his bed & found the nearest blunt object, hyeon managed to bash his skull in. she blacked out after that only to come to with clean hands & far away from the corpse. this was the reactant to lead her to go blind in rage & come to with blood on her hands. soon enough, she took a liking to the feeling & became two people within one while somehow managing to remain anonymous as a killer ran rampant.

earlier this year, after too much shit going on within the group, ptl disbanded & all went their own ways. which hyeon appreciated. the people she had once called her sisters had become like strangers & only cared about themselves, didn’t have the time to look after their maknae. 

to say that her already pre - existing depression & anxiety sky rocketed would be an understatement. she left music for a while, deciding to stream on twitch & youtube as a gamer. it made her happy for a short time but has been planning on returning to music with hints of a solo debut soon that has fans excited.

edit: i forgot to put this in here originally IGJFDKL but she moved to jeju after her group disbanded for a new start. plus, her address somehow got leaked so she uprooted all her shit & left for the secluded island.

⌠ OTHER TIDBITS ⌡

stands at 5′7″, 168 pounds ( considered plus size tbh. one day i’ll put picture references LMAO ), with curly, thick hair & freckles from hell. 

can speak english, japanese, chinese, & italian. has a slight british accent from who she learned english from was from the UK.

has a rottweiler puppy named chewie, a hedgehog named leia, & two cats named opal & hazel. 

voice claim is a mixture of lee haeri, kim taeyeon, park sunyoung, & ailee.

her favorite color is blue, loves the rain, & will 100% be caught standing in the middle of a storm.

is a practicing wiccan ! very much so considers herself a witch.

her favorite drink is strawberry milk, & will eat anything that has strawberries !

[beebosbitchh]

1-65 ;)

holy heck ! thank you sophiw i lov u 🍒

1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you?

i dont understand this question?? like sometimes i doubt my own existence and other times i doubt that i exist to certain ppl? ya?

2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you?

2,, normal amount? like good for sleep but pitch black is scaryy but not to the point i need the escape ?? if that makes sense??

3. The person you would never want to meet?

guy fieri, i dont think i need to know if hes actually real ? like is he real and from this dimension or from flavortown (which he has a very scarily detailed description of)?? thats not something i need to know

4. What is your favorite word?

hmm, probably ‘fam’ obviously

5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be?

a willow tree !!!!!!!!!! i just talked to my mom about this :-0

6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought?

ngl but i dont look in the mirror anymore unless its lip syncing along to a song sung by a guy/someone w a deeper voice bc i feel like it suits me better! gotta love coping w dysphoria!

7. What shirt are you wearing?

baseball tee, gay

8. What do you label yourself as?

nb, lesbian, fool

9. Bright room or dark room?

dark room

10. What were you doing at midnight last night?

slepe

11. Favorite age you’ve been so far?

10-11 when i was in 5th grade. i still only had two friends but i was way more extroverted and everything was so carefree and i was very invested in adventure time and art. i think that was the most of a childhood i got? i honestly did not do much as a kid and i wish i had..

12. Who told you they loved you last?

sophiw ! tumblr user almightyportraits ! the loml !

13. Your worst enemy?

x

14. What is your current desktop picture?

one from apple called ‘abstract shapes’ its very orange but also blue which is my fave color pairing atm so its perfect

15. Do you like someone?

tumblr user vahilla

16. The last song you listened to?

megan played ‘marceline’ by willow in her car ! a song i suggested to her a few months ago and it makes me very happy that she likes it especially bc we bonded over adventure time in 6th grade :-)

17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up?

mmyy seelfff ??

18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face?

mmmyseyyffelllff ??

19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do? 

eh whats the point

20. What is your best physical attribute? (showing said attribute is optional)

n o ne ? 

21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do?

what is the opposite of nb,, i feel like if i was opposite of how i present id be a girl, which is a verryyy weird thought for me, pass

22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it?

no :-/

23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of?

uh first of all blood, like, ill pass out,, second of all,, literally everything worries me

24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal.

jimmy johns #16, turkey, bacon, lettuce, tomato, NO MAYO

25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it?

im a very practical person so the least boring answer i can come up w is more art supplies

26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go?

denmark

27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out… so what’s it gonna be?

fukcing , acetoNe

28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place?

i think a FIRST rule would have to be pretty IMPORTANT so probably smt like how ~WE THE PEOPLE~ are all EQUAL would be a pretty good start and pretty UNDENIABLE and STRAIGHT FORWARD especially if it was the FIRST thing in this,, hmm lets call it the CONSTITUTION, in the completely hypothetical society

29. What is your favorite expletive?

fuck fuck fuck fuck fuk cufck ufc kfuck 

30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno?

sunglasses??!!! that shit gotta be bright huh>?? gotta protect my retinas 

31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

i wanna say my first relationship made me a better person but that shit was rreeeaaallyyyy fucking awful and 4 months (+recovery months) that i will never get back and i think ? maybe ?? i wouldve been ok without it ? idk just a thought

32. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world! 

spain ?!?!? why not + i sorta know the language? thatd b cool

33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back?

zoey my dog :-( i miss her a lot, this month it will have been two years oh my god i miss her so much

34. What was your last dream about?

the last one i remember was a nightmare about someone tryna murder me i was very scared

36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital?

i think so , when i was two i got really really sick and couldve died ?

37. Have you ever built a snowman?

ahh yes ! we gave hhimm,, fruit snack nipples, please forgive me fathr

38. What is the color of your socks? 

grey w blue n orange stripes ( again i lov blue n orange together, my shirt is teal and i have an orange hat on wow)

39. What type of music do you like?

all! i had to train this new guy at work and im sooo awkward but once why started talking about music it was easy for me to talk bc it was smt we both really like !!! i felt like i could actually communicate w feeling a disconnect it was nice ! we talked mostly about rap which was cool and unexpected but i could do it ? i really love music and i love being able to know enough to talk about it ,, isk 

40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets?

sunrises, ive been pushing myself to wake up unreasonably early to have more time to myself and i get to watch the sunrise most days which is nice

41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor?

chocolate 

42. What football team do you support? (I will answer in terms of American football as well as soccer)

whom?

44. What do you want to be when you graduate?

college? god i dont even know… smt w art.. by an illustrator or art teacher or freelance artist or graphic designer ,, i really dont know

45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

one thing ?!!?!? i wish i was neurotypical

46. Are you reliable?

yes? i try hard to be? i hope so ?

47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be?

u still a lil bitch ?

48. Do you hold grudges? 

nope i try not to, ive had too many toxic petty people in my life that i dont need to be one myself.. now this is grudges w/o reason, but if ive given people several ‘second chances’ and theyre still (thumbs down) then ill avoid them but w/i reason?

49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create?

DOG HORSES BIG DOGs

50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had?

mm probably smt w my lab partner from last year. she always sends me weird quotes from a fanfiction shes reading and its weird but i really appreciate that she still talks to me or talks to me at all tbh

51. Are you a good liar?

nooo ?? i try not to lie? mb not tell the full truth but idk , i feel like id feel too guilty

52. How long could you go without talking?

uhh literally days like i already fucking do.. i m taking this as verbally but i dont get texts so like, it would not be hard

53. What has been you worst haircut/style?

before i went to short hair i used to alllwaayyys wear a tight ponytail every single day bc i wasnt girly enough to do anything w it and it was really really gross like thank god i cut it all off

54. Have you ever baked your own cake?

heck yeah

55. Can you do any accents other than your own?

*clears throat*

h-

hewwo?

56. What do you like on your toast?

butter and jam

57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of?

x

58. What would be you dream car?

razor scooter

59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain.

sometimes im just too physically or emotionally exhausted to stand so ill just,, lay down? ive fallen asleep in the shower before ha

60. Do you believe in aliens?

yup

61. Do you often read your horoscope?

whenever it comes up but i dont ,, seek it out

62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet?

Q

63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons?

dragons tf

64. What do you think about babies?

evil, ugly, dont see the appeal. open ur eyes ppl !!!! bbs are n Ot cute !!

65. Freebie! Ask anything interesting you can think of.

x

[kawee-chan]

tagged by the amazing @awintersrose​ LIKE AGES AGO. BUT BLESS

Rules: Answer these 92 statements and tag 20 people (HAHAHA you funny)

THE LAST: 1. Drink: Water 2. Phone call: Mom 3. Text message: to best friends 4. Song you listened to: Flamingo by Kero Kero Bonito 5. Time you cried: few weeks ago prolly....

HAVE YOU: 6. Dated someone twice: never dated someone. period. HA 7. Kissed someone and regretted it: see above 8. Been cheated on: above...though there has been plenty of betrayal 9. Lost someone special: my grandpa years ago u.u 10. Been depressed:  (☞ﾟ∀ﾟ)☞  you betcha bill 11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: miraculously no

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS: 12-14: mauve grey, sea green, aaaaand....a dark wine red...to name just a select few...

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU: 15. Made new friends: yeah actually!  16. Fallen out of love: LOOOOOL  17. Laughed until you cried: YES 18. Found out someone was talking about you: :)  19. Met someone who changed you: kinda...not met in person but like found some people that are good inspirations 20. Found out who your friends are: hoooooo yes 21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL

GENERAL: 22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: man i barely fucking go on facebook...my fckn list hasnt changed since the fckn 8th grade loool and only frequent people are my shitty family. vouov 23. Do you have any pets: one spoiled fat cockatiel...bless her 24. Do you want to change your name: ehhhhhh not really. it’s just stuck with me, and i suck at names tbh...clearly looool 25. What did you do for your last Birthday: treat myself to seafood....first birthday alone looool....... 26. What time did you wake up: shit like 10am????? time is stupid... 27. What were you doing at midnight last night: wheezing and hearing out friends’ dreams and doing some dream interpretations.....2spoop but very interesting 28. Name something you can’t wait for: fucking graduating.... 29. When was the last time you saw your mom: just now 30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: shit man...maybe just not caring so much...or have my brain fixed. i’d be fucking unstoppable 31. What are you listening right now: the tv and skype notification sound 32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: vo1ov  33. Something that is getting on your nerves: financial situations, college, my parents, summer, humanity.... 34. Most visited Website: tungler and joo-toob

LOST QUESTIONS. I JUST PUT IN RANDOM INFO ABOUT ME 35. Mole/s: eh few on my face and arms ye 36. Mark/s: LOOOL face marks cuz i cant leave my face the fck alone, stretch marks, bruises from work, eh vuvuv 37. Childhood dream: vet, master thief, artist....but like your stereotypical ARTIST ™  that gets puts in museums and galleries and shit looool 38. Haircolor: dark dark brown/black 39. Long or short hair: SHORT FOR THE LOVE OF GAWD. my hair needs to stop growing 40. Do you have a crush on someone: LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL 41. What do you like about yourself: this is honestly always a hard question...and i can never pick anything but i guess just being here for friends could be one thing, and or making pretty pictures 42. Piercings: ears only  43. Bloodtype: uhhhhhh...B something i think last time i checked... 44. Nickname: Kawee! 45. Relationship status: single af 46. Zodiac: Pisces 47. Pronouns: She/Her   48. Favorite TV Show: i found re-newed love in Avatar: the Last Airbender

49. Tattoos: noooooooooone 50. Right or left hand: Right 51. Surgery: there was oooone for a connecty thing in my gums to my upper lip, and wisdom teeth (4 in one go, aaayeee....) 52. Hair dyed in different color: UUUGHHH NONE but i super duper want it done in the future. with like a soft pale color on top and an undercut of my natural hair color 53. Sport: Pyre....*shot*  55. Vacation: please take my ass to Japan....please (or california) 56. Pair of trainers: ........what?

MORE GENERAL: 57. Eating: cookies 58. Drinking: Water 59. I’m about to: finish artwork 61. Waiting for: tomorrow i guess 62. Want: to get on with my fucking life, get a car, and live with my friends 63. Get married: idk if i ever will tbh loooooool 64. Career: just draw and get paid steadily and be stable

WHICH IS BETTER 65. Hugs or kisses: HUGS if they are wanted 66. Lips or eyes: Eyes for sure 67. Shorter or taller: vo1ov 68. Older or younger: Older pls 70. Nice arms or nice stomach: iiiiiiii doooont careeee?? stomachs are so cute tho, no matter what shape 71. Sensitive or loud: Sensitive please 72. Hook up or relationship: Relationshiiiiip  73. Troublemaker or hesitant: somewhere in between i guess

HAVE YOU EVER: 74. Kissed a Stranger: eghk no 75. Drank hard liquor: yus 76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: glasses yes, never worn contacts 77. Turned someone down: LOOOOOL hell yeah 78. Sex on the first date: never dated sooooo... 79. Broken someone’s heart: yeah but not on purpose, they just a lil shit. 80. Had your heart broken: hooooo yeah 81. Been arrested: nope 82. Cried when someone died: of course 83. Fallen for a friend: ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..............

DO YOU BELIEVE IN: 84. Yourself: ooof that’s a struggle, but for the most part i do....spitefully  85. Miracles: when they happen yeah... 86. Love at first sight: not anymore 87. Santa Claus: ehhhhhh....... 88. Kiss on the first date: hugely depends....

OTHER: 90. Current best friend name: my best friends are a bat and a panda *shot* 91. Eyecolor: dark-dark brown. like that 90% dark chocolate brown 92. Favorite movie: shit uhhhh Ernest & Celestine, Iron Giant, like any good animation movie you know?

[hey-kids-want-some-avengers]

1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10,11,12,13,14,15,16,17,18,19,20,21,22,23,24,25,26,27,28,29,30,31,32,33,34,35,36,37,38,39,40,41,42,43,44,45,46,47,48,49,50,51,52,53,54,55,56,57,58,59,60,61,62,63,64,65,66,67,68,69,70,71,72,73,74,75,76,77,78,79,80,81,82,83,84,85,86,87,88,89,90,91,92,93,94,95,96,97,98,99,100 (lol, I'm sorry)

Holy mother of- alright, I did this to myself. Answers are below the cut!

1: when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk? More cereal! I’m hella lactose intolerant so I rarely even have milk.

2: do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day? Sometimes, it depends if I was already too cold or not.

3: what random objects do you use to bookmark your books? Usually I use drawings or a bit of cardboard.

4: how do you take your coffee/tea? I take my tea with a little honey and my coffee with lots of flavored creamer.

5: are you self-conscious of your smile? VERY MUCH YES

6: do you keep plants? Cacti mostly:)

7: do you name your plants? YEP

8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings? Pencil or acrylic, though I’m digging clay now.

9: do you like singing/humming to yourself? I spend almost every hour of every day singing, it’s one of my absolute favorite things!

10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach? back or side depending on how my jaw is doing.

11: what's an inner joke you have with your friends? OH GoD, so many...

12: what's your favorite planet? Mars >3

13: what's something that made you smile today? I got to spend all day with my pupper AND I got called for an interview tomorrow.

14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like? Brick walls, lots of floor space for art, ect. a window seat, high ceilings and a cozy atmosphere please and thank you.

15: go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is! 99% of our solar systems mass is the sun. :3

16: what's your favorite pasta dish? Baked Penne!

17: what color do you really want to dye your hair? It’s already blue but I wanna do it red, orange and yellow at some point for a crazy fire look.

18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up. The time I jumped off the lid to my friends hot tub and hit my head, knocking myself unconscious and almost dying.

19: do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it? Kinda, it’s mostly art and random facts??

20: what's your favorite eye color? Blue

21: talk about your favorite bag, the one that's been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces. My art bag that looks like a freaking paint towel at this point.

22: are you a morning person? Ye!

23: what's your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations? Write, draw, take a bath and bake.

24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets? Yes, my bestfren Chloe -w-

25: what's the weirdest place you've ever broken into? An abandoned house down the block while chasing a cat. There was some guy sleeping in there.

26: what are the shoes you've had for forever and wear with every single outfit? My red Converse!

27: what's your favorite bubblegum flavor? Wintergreen

28: sunrise or sunset? Sunset, for sure.

29: what's something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing? She blushes in her ears and gets really shy around guys.

30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared? Umm, yes. When my mom had emergency surgery.

31: what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks. OKAY, I LIKE SOCKS, I WEAR EM ALL THE TIME AND THEY NEVER MATCH. BOOM.

32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends. I went to down my iced tea and found out too late that it was my dads whiskey and I got drunk off my ass.

33: what's your fave pastry? oooh, I love pastries with all my heart, probably lemon bars.

34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it? It’s in my room somewhere, a little weasel puppet named “wonder weasel” and I made him a mask.

35: do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often? Yes, I keep at least one on me at all times.

36: which band's sound would fit your mood right now? Panic!

37: do you like keeping your room messy or clean? I reaaaaally like it clean but it never happens. I’m a pig.

38: tell us about your pet peeves! I hate when people never show up on time, ignore me when I’m talking to check their phones and I hate when people pretend to like me.

39: what color do you wear the most? Black

40: think of a piece of jewelry you own: what's it's story? does it have any meaning to you? It’s a bumble bee necklace my sister got me and I love it.

41: what's the last book you remember really, really loving? The book thief.

42: do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it! It’s a local place here and they make really pretty pastries and coffee, it’s very modern inside but it’s cozy and everyone’s super nice. It smells like autumn leaves and spices.

43: who was the last person you gazed at the stars with? myself???

44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything? Last week in a bath tbh

45: do you trust your instincts a lot? Yes and no? It kinda depends but I usually second guess myself.

46: tell us the worst pun you can think of. I changed my ipods name to titanic. It’s syncing now. (I hate myself)

47: what food do you think should be banned from the universe? LETTUCE

48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today? Burning alive, and it kinda is kinda isn’t still.

49: do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought? I like to but I never have money, the last one was a panic! at the disco cd.

50: what's an odd thing you collect? Fish????? I have five tanks in my room ok????

51: think of a person. what song do you associate with them? Can’t help falling in love with you and phantom of the opera (my gf) IM CHEESEY

52: what are your favorite memes of the year so far? THEY ALL SUCK

53: have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them? I’ve seen all but pulp fiction and I adore them all, beetlejuice is one of my favorite movies.

54: who's the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face? Besides myself idk

55: what's the most dramatic thing you've ever done to prove a point? I don’t even know honestly.

56: what are some things you find endearing in people? Their sense of humor, laugh and comfortableness.

57: go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics? Doesn’t it always?!

58: who's the wine mom and who's the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why? My friend hates wine but is totally the wine mom, sooo that makes me the vodka aunt bc I only have one friend.

59: what's your favorite myth? Icarus

60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves? YES! I love the raven, tyger and the tell tale heart??

61: what's the stupidest gift you've ever given? the stupidest one you've ever received? Socks for received I guess? Probably the dumbest thing I’ve given was a dirty shirt to my friend????

62: do you drink juice in the morning? which kind? Almost always, grape or orange usually. 

63: are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be? I’m really particular about them and I don’t let anyone touch em.

64: what color is the sky where you are right now? Ink black.

65: is there anyone you haven't seen in a long time who you'd love to hang out with? My gf..; ;

66: what would your ideal flower crown look like? Seashells, blue flowers and tiny pink ones, probably a lil glitter.

67: how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel? They feel relaxing to me.

68: what's winter like where you live? ITS LIKE A NEVER ENDING HELLL

69: what are your favorite board games? Fury of Dracula, d&d, ect.

70: have you ever used a ouija board? Yep! I own one.

71: what's your favorite kind of tea? cranberry??

72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you'll forget it? YES. My ADHD is scary bad ok.

73: what are some of your worst habits? Not eating healthily/not drinking enough, secluding myself.

74: describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns. Humorous, kind and caring and wonderful and supporting. The most fantastic person to live.

75: tell us about your pets! OK!!!!!! I have three cats, a tabby (ponyo), a massive grey one(rory) and a smol floofy white and black one(lydia). I have four betta fish, Lafayette, Remus, Pietro, and Marvel. I have 12 guppy/platty and I could list their names but I wontttt, and my sweet pupper girl, Matilda

76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren't? Writing requests..............

77: pink or yellow lemonade? Pink.

78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub? HATE

79: what's one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you? My girlfriend sent me chocolates and my fren bought me a bee pillow, they’re pretty great.

80: what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why? Light purple and I didn’t choose them, my mom painted that room before she got sick so I kept it.

81: describe one of your friend's eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of. Deep sand washing over dark beaches and charcoal mixed in a vat of dark clay.

82: are/were you good in school? No, not really. I listened tho

83: what's some of your favorite album art? Pretty odd, believers never die, infinity on high

84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones? I have two right now and I have MANY more planned.

85: do you read comics? what are your faves? OF COURSE, CAPTAIN AMERICA AND DEADPOOL, SANDMAN EVEN THO THAT DON’T REALLY COUNT.

86: do you like concept albums? which ones? um? Nirvana? Am I doing this right?

87: what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives? Perks of being a wall flower, three idiots.

88: are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy? All of them??

89: are you close to your parents? I like to think so

90: talk about your one of you favorite cities. Ohhh um, I dunno, probably Denver?? I’m really isolated.

91: where do you plan on traveling this year? I’m going to Denver for a concert and a huge road trip to California this summer to see my family.

92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch? It GoN DRoWN SOn

93: what's the hairstyle you wear the most? Down. It’s too short for anything.

94: who was the last person you know to have a birthday? My grandpa

95: what are your plans for this weekend? Hanging with my fren and watching shameless.

96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot? Sadly, I put them off until it does it automatically. I regret it every time.

97: myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house? Advocate, Taurus, hufflepuff! 

98: when's the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it? Yesterday and I loved it.

99: list some songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them. Hamilton tbh, think of me, riptide and I found.

100: if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why? Five years into the past because I’m not fucking ready to grow up.