#things that should be bombshells will get mentioned in one chapter

[chrismerle]

weirdest plot point in this thing I'm ghostwriting: the young son tends to bury things in the garden to keep them safe if he thinks they're important

he buried a letter at the beginning. the letter is important at the end. several weeks pass in the middle there. and this letter just ... survives being buried for several weeks, and is still in one piece and perfectly legible.

[livesworthlivingau]

Lives Worth Living Chapter 32

ISAT/Two Hats spoilers below! CW: The author forcing their own surprise onto a main character. (For real this was genuinely my reaction when it was explained to me xD)

(For once you find yourself waking up before anyone else it seems. After carefully sneaking out of Isa's soft, unconscious hold on you, you slip downstairs with light footsteps. You peek over the couch to check on Vale, sleeping soundly, along with... Bonnie?! They laid on top of Vale, drooling lightly and both absolutely passed out.)

"G'Mornin." (You blink, turning to see Nille sitting at the kitchen table, sipping on a mug of coffee and having filled a plate from the arrangement of food the pair must have prepared while everyone slept.)

"You don't gotta worry too much about being quiet, they'd both sleep through a crabbing hurricane. Actually I think Bonnie did do that once." (She laughed. You smiled and walked over to join her, grabbing a nice big plate for yourself before speaking.)

"I guess everyone else had trouble sleeping, not that I blame them."

"They all got quite the bombshell dropped on them, that's for sure."

"... I'm sorry for yelling at you earlier."

"Eh, let bygones be bygones." (She smiled brightly, clearly not at all bothered by it.)

"You sure? You were just trying to help and I was being so rude and-"

"Frin, it's alright, I promise. I can tell you care about them a whole heck of a lot, and I know that can lead you down some bad roads when you think you're gonna lose them. So really, don't worry about it." (You nod a bit in response, giving a hesitant smile.)

"Thanks..."

"Don't mention it. I'm just glad Bonnie made up with them. They were listening last night, talked to me a bit about it before bed. They were still pretty unsure when I went to sleep though."

"Heh, they have a funny way of showing they care sometimes. Lots of yelling and calling me 'stupidfrin'." (You can't help but chuckle.)

"Oh don't I know it. That's their catchphrase for trying not to show they care!" (She joins in with your laughing, before letting out a soft sigh.)

"... You think Vay's gonna be okay?"

"I don't know... but I know I'm gonna do everything I can to make sure they will be. That's the least I can do for them at this point. Besides, you've practically been doing miracle work with them yourself." (You both chuckle a bit again.)

"I've had quite a few spirals in the past, guess I've gotten good at pulling people out of them."

"Yeah, you are really good at that..." (You smile lightly, remembering all the times she helped you in your former life once more. A life that no longer happened, and never will again...)

"Don't tell me I gotta pull you out of another one now." (She teases as she elbows you a little, getting you out of your own head.)

"Hah, no, I'm okay. Just remembering things... things that didn't technically happen anymore."

"... You sure you're okay? Have you really... sat and processed that yet?"

"Not really... and I don't know if I really should, that'd probably just make me freak out again..." (You lower your head, lightly rubbing at your arm scars through your clothing.)

"I know it's not pleasant, but... just ignoring it probably isn't much better. It'll be like a ticking time bomb, something could change and just set it off."

"... Yeah... You're probably right, as usual." (You say with a jokingly annoyed tone and pout.)

"Hah! I'm glad everyone's starting to learn that around here~."

--------------------------------------------------------

(Eventually the others wake up to join you, enjoying the brilliantly prepared breakfast while its chef's remain sleeping on the couch. Your curiosity starts to get the best of you as you address Odile.)

"So, how close were you?"

"Pardon?"

"C'mon, you had to be theorizing something. How close were you to being right about Vale?" (She can't help but smirk a bit as she sets her fork back down.)

"I was still in the middle of piecing things together, but I had narrowed it down to some sort of odd relationship outside of the loops. They were likely from the island as well, or perhaps some manifestation from the universe itself." (She starts to explain, fishing out one of her journals and opening it to a page with theories scribbled across it.)

"I hadn't given the idea full credit, but I hadn't written it off either." (Her fingers tap at a line read 'Some sort of copy invented by the loops?'.)

"Heh, I shouldn't be surprised. You've figured things out with less before."

"Well there's a reason I don't often voice my theories until they're certain. There's a lot of different possibilities during the process of putting it all together." (Isa gives a little snort as he remembers something.)

"Like when you thought Sif was secretly some sort of Assassin?" (Mira gives a surprised gasp as Odile sighs in annoyance.)

"Yes, like that, thank you Isabeau." (She comments sharply.)

"Anytime madame!" (He teases back, pretending the thanks was genuine.)

"D-did you really think that madame?!"

"It was a theory. One that I foolishly indulged in while inebriated." (Isa curious slides the journal over in front of him to glance through it.)

"It's almost a shame the secret's out of the bag already, I would have loved to hear about some of these from a drunken Odile!" (She quickly snatches the book back up, loudly clapping it shut.)

"Thankfully, we've all been spared from that humiliation." (She sighs, looking around a bit, wanting to change the topic.)

"Oh, this reminds me, I wanted to test something." (She makes a familiar hand sign and brings her thumb and pinkie to her ear and mouth respectively... You blink a couple times in confusion. She closes her eyes to focus and you suddenly feel a familiar ringing. You instinctively and immediately put your hand to your head in the same way.)

"H-Hello?!"

"Ah, so it does work with anyone, that's good to know." (Her voice echoes in your head just like Vale's did in the past. You just sit there in a shocked silence for a moment.)

"Why are you so surprised? It's simple Wish Craft, isn't it?"

"WHAT?!" (You shout as you jump out of your seat, causing the others to jump back slightly.)

"... It's a simple ritual, based on intent, you wish to speak to someone, that's how Wish Craft works based on the other examples." (You slowly collapse back into your chair, placing your head in your hands.)

"Blinding stars it was just Wish Craft this whole time?..." (You had 30 years to put that together!! You didn't even relate them at all?! You idiot!! You snap out of it as you feel a large hand pat your back, along with Isa's hearty laugh.)

"It's alright, Sif. It's not like any of us knew anything about Wish Craft before that whole experience, right?"

"Yeah... But, wait... Why did it stop working with Vale then?" (You ask as you raise your head back up, a brow raised.)

"You weren't trying to call Vale, you were trying to call Loop." (You're stunned back into silence again... When you finally snap out of it, you make the sign once more and bring your hand back up to your face. You wish to speak with Vale. You hear a snort and shuffling in the living room.)

"Mrghh... Hello?..."

"IT DOES WORK!" (You shout into the sign before hearing a startled yelp, followed by a couple of thuds.)

"What the craaaaaab?!" (Bonnie's voice calls out tiredly.)

[basedkikuenjoyer]

HxH 402: King Shit

Okay...this is literally the densest chapter of HxH to date and that's saying a lot given this manga had a superpower based on compound interest. Which is a bitch to be fair. Tonight thought we have a huge lurch forward in the Succession Contest itself and let's start with the beginning. Which is where we picked up from last week. Kurapika has gotten Woble into a formal truce. King Nasubi has stated "sole survivor" is up to interpretation so it matters we now have an agreement that #3 wins if only #5/#14 are left standing.

Tsubeppa's fine with this because she more than anyone else wants Kurapika close, and I'd imagine is operating under the idea she won't have to worry about #3 making it to the end. The core theme this time is how they're all playing a very unassuming game. And there are a lot of parallels here like the coin beast mentioned above and Basho getting a great little moment later. Zhang Hei is in a weird position, from the looks of it and his own assumption his Nen Beast is weaker here but potentially great after winning. He curried a strong showing in our poll, but now let's move on to someone who only got one vote. Mine.

Kacho? Kacho? What the hell girl. I dig it. Batgirl over here. Y'all, this chapter broke hard in the direction I wanted to see this contest go. Everything. So let's recap. The twins tried to escape with Melody's help. In the process we saw freaky hands go crazy and Kacho died, revealing her Nen Beast in the best moment of the arc so far. Season of Two - First twin out resurrects to aid the other. Fugetsu's ability is a tunnel to anywhere she's been, but it does require Kacho to shut it. They and Melody are under investigation for the escape attempt...but the Justice Bureau officials have seemingly been on their side. That said, FuuFuu has been getting a little crazy.

That's all well and good, but why would I think that can beat things like the freakish Nen savant or the First Prince with the military edge?

This isn't a fistfight. It is a political battle for succession. Fugetsu is the one no one is worried about. The younger ones are unpredictable and their moms are the real threat. None of the others really even know Woble or Maryam. Fuu's in that sweet spot and seems like the type everyone at least kinda likes.

But the biggest thing is that Kakin has a mostly modern government outside of this. It's the bureaucrats, yet again Melody feels she should be suspicious but nothing Kaiser has said really warrants it. This is the choice that makes sense for someone in his position. And all this scene is laying out that basic theory; Fugetsu's power is the type of thing that allows so much leeway to play this game if you have people willing to get dirty for you.

If you mistrust Kaiser, I want you to consider why. Would you say, mistrust Gon deciding he likes Melody and Fugetsu and he'll fight the bad princes for them? Is it because Kaiser's a G-Man? Oh, see that's exactly why I trust him. If you've ever been around high-level bureaucrats you'll probably know what I mean. If they're good enough to rise to that rank they could have been a politician, military officer, something with more glory. He's just the type of guy who wouldn't balk at the Trolley Problem and is used to making real decisions of that magnitude regularly. Melody's music attracted a lot of people, she's a beautiful soul, someone maybe actually doesn't care about how she looks. King Fugetsu is the type who'd just play the nice figurehead and let the advisors run their own lanes.

And he's already paid huge divdends, just like that. Fugetsu easily waltzes right into most of the other Princes' rooms. No one suspects anything, it all seems above board, Kaiser knows exactly what to do.

But I think it's easy to miss what's important here. Melody and Kurapika both hint the letter truly is a bombshell that'll upend this whole Succession Contest. Once again, of course a bureaucrat of Kaiser's rank just casually has dirt on all of them. You can really see it here with Luzurus but they're all pretty good at playing coy. And Fuu just casually fleeced them all.

[wandanatss]

heart in hand - chapter one;

things haven't been the same since you came into my life

summary: Summer of 1995 finds you in a cafe with a new-to-town Natasha Romanov. Little do you know, this day is going to change your life.

warning(s): swearing, slight mentions of guns & bullying.

word count: 1,087 words

author's note: i don't have access to the app i use to make covers/headers/dividers for my fics, so this canva one i threw together literally five minutes ago looks good enough. the dividers i used are by @cafekitsune. reblogs would help <3 i'm open to constructive criticism! i especially hope that one anon who helped a lot earlier likes it!

It all began in the summer of ‘95, in a little shop north of town. You sat there every day for want of something to do, someone to talk to. Being the friendless nerd was fine during the school year, but in the summer you always shifted from being alone to lonely. 

Your fingers tapped out an errant beat on the countertop, and you hummed a mindless tune. Your eyes droved over the menu as though your were trying to find something you wanted; as though you hadn’t already memorized it in your countless trips to the shop. In the end, though, you picked your usual - a sandwich, a doughnut, and a Coke. Picking the items up off of the counter once you got them, you sat at the only empty table there - a two-seater near the very back, where no one could see you. Figures. Invisible everywhere in the world, it seemed.

As you started to munch on the sandwich, interspersed with sips of your drink, your eyes watched the windows. Maybe you’d have your ‘movie moment’, where someone walked in that you fell in love with. Maybe it would be the person of your dreams. You looked down for a moment to pick up the cup, and within those few seconds, the door opened and a bell jingled. You looked up.

Y/n: I don’t know, it was fate or something. This absolute bombshell of a girl walked in. Her coppery-red hair tumbled over her shoulders, her eyes were bright, and she had the perfect red lip. She wore a thin white shirt, clinging to her with sweat. Her shorts were blue, and truly made her look like she had legs for days. When she ordered and got her food, she just wandered around for a minute before she saw me. Saw the seat in front of me. She smiled, asking if she could sit. Of course, I agreed. Neither of us knew it yet, but it was the start of something truly iconic. The girl, of course, was Natasha Romanov. We were both seventeen at the time.

Excerpt from ‘Mic in Hand, Heart in Throat’ by Kat S. Releasing 1 May 2028.

You introduced yourself, and started to make small talk about the weather – sweat-soaked Natasha’s body was a sight to see, and under the A/C breeze, her hair fluttered around her face. You were flushed, but you could pass it off to the heat, too. As Natasha waved over a waitress and placed her own order (a strawberry milkshake and a sandwich), you took the time to observe her.

She had her bicycle keys in her pocket, and two bracelets hanging from her arm. One was beaded, with the little alphabet charms reading N A T in different colours. The other was a few simple strings wound together and tied, giving the effect of a young child having made it. Now that you were closer to her, you could see the bottom of her hair bleached and cool-toned, showing her having dyed it blue a while back.

“Y/n? Do you want something too?” asked Natasha, a silent smirk in her eyes. She knew what you were doing.

Eventually, once the waitress was gone, you and Natasha struck up an easy flowing conversation. She confessed that she had biked here in the heat to get out of town, have her own ‘summer experience’. She was new. That explained why she hadn’t been in high school with you. You smiled and told her all about the high school she’d likely be joining, and joked about how she should make it a point to stay away from you. It would be social suicide, you explained.

Natasha turned slightly away at the comment, something catching her eyes, but looked back with a frown on her face. 

“I think people should be lucky to know you, Y/n. You’re a good – a good friend.”

Through the chat you have with her, you discover that not only can she play the guitar, but also the drums. She can also sing, insanely well if the competition awards aren’t a lie, and she’s just a fucking dream. She gave you her home-phone number, and her address. Call me, she wrote on the paper napkin, like she was some kind of rogueish flirt and not a schoolgirl still in her teens.

You took the napkin home with you and pinned it onto a little board, fingers moving over the bumps in the paper where she had pressed too hard with the pen. Call me. Come over sometime. You smiled, idling near the telephone. Maybe you would call her later, you thought.

Natasha Romanov: Y/n, they were an interesting person. My first friend who wasn’t my sister. We’d both been adopted, and been the town freaks for a while. Yelena, she was all spite and rage packed into a little spitfire of a ten-year-old child. It didn’t help that she wanted to give her opinions freely. It was my job to protect her, and when that backfired, we had to move. This far into the story, you already know I wouldn’t be too cut up about it. I had my sister and my adoptive parents. End of fuckin’ story, right? And then the chapter turned. After I met Y/n that day, everything changed. I finally had a reason to stay in the new town. I had made a friend.

Excerpt from ‘Mic in Hand, Heart in Throat’ by Kat S. Releasing 1 May 2028.

As you lay in bed that night, all hot and bothered about the day you’ve had, words start to form in your mind. Fragments; not enough to be worth writing, but you can see where you’ve started to... well, you’ve started thinking up a song.

The next morning, you wake up from a rather pleasant dream to hammering on your bedroom door. 

“Wake up, kid! It’s time to go!”

Oh. It was your mother, a staunch stickler for early-birds-get-the-worm. You would’ve far preferred to sleep in, especially in the summer, but the thoughts from the previous night – the song you thought of – had finally almost fully formed in your mind. You were eager to pen it down in case you forgot, but first, to appease your mother, you showered and had some cereal. Then you were back in your room, ready to write.

She’s got blue hair and a pretty pink smile

Looks that can kill and hands in mine

She’s a girl she’s a gun she’s the newest chapter

She’s a dream and what my heart’s been chasin’ after…

lmk if you want to be added to the taglist! | fic tag

[angelasscribbles]

Savage Love Chapter 38: Here Comes the Bride?

Series: Savage Love

Fandom: The Royal Romance

Pairings: Riley x Liam, Riley x Drake

Rating: R         

Warnings: Mature themes

Word Count: 2,169

My other stuff: Master List.

The moment we were back on Cordonian soil, and I was free of Madeleine, I texted Liam, asking for an immediate meeting.

He responded instantly. Come to my quarters. Leo is here now.

I made my way to Liam’s private suite. He was alone with his brother. He swept me into his arms, pressing me close to his body as he whispered, “I was worried about you. I’m so glad you’re back.”

I melted into his embrace for a moment before remembering that I was there to give my official report about what I’d learned in Hidar. Noting that no one else was present, I asked, “Should we wait until the entire team is assembled?”

Liam shook his head. “We can brief them later on the parts they need to know. Tell us what happened in Hidar. Was Lena there?”

“No. She wasn’t. Was she in Rivala?”

Leo looked at Liam, who nodded, then turned to me and said, “She wasn’t home, but her mother was. Her mother turns out to be my mother. My biological one, I mean.”

“Oh wow! Oh, Leo.” I crossed the room and sat on the couch next to him so that I could throw my arms around him. “That must have been so hard for you! Are you okay?”

He returned the hug quickly, then released me as he answered. “Yeah…I mean, no, not really, but yes. Liv was with me. I’ll be fine. It’s a lot to process, but the short version is that when Eleanor was alive, she let my mom see me secretly. The plan was for her to take me and Liam with her when she went back to Auvernall for Lena. Obviously, that never happened and Helena ended up adopting an alias and raising the baby herself.”

“That is a lot!” I sympathized.

“That’s not the biggest bombshell,” Liam interjected. “Turns out Constantine wasn’t the baby’s father and that’s why she ran away.”

Oh, boy. The hits just kept coming. I stood and turned to Liam, my eyes tracking across his face, looking for signs of distress. “And how are you handling that news?”

“I’m not judging her if that’s what you mean, and I don’t blame her either. Our father isn’t an easy man to love and I’m sure he wasn’t a great husband. The bigger twist is who she was having an affair with.”

My head swiveled between the two men. “Who was it?”

Leo answered. “Jackson Walker.”

“Drake’s father?”

“Yes.”

My heart dropped. “Does he know?”

Liam gave me an understanding smile as he reached out and took my hand in his. “You’re worried about him.”

“Yes, Liam. I’m worried about all of you! This is a huge shock for everyone, I’m sure, and it’s not even the biggest issue in your life at the moment.”

The biggest issue was the threat to life and limb that the Via Imperii posed. Not to mention Liam having to get up to speed on becoming king since he’d had the crown unexpectedly thrust upon him just days before.

I filled them in on everything that had happened in Hidar.

“Wow.” Leo grasped a handful of his own hair as he took in the information. “First, we find out we have a sister, then I find out she’s not my sister, and now we have a brother.”

“One that’s been weaponized against us,” Liam added.

“We can try to extract him when take them down. Give orders that he isn’t to be killed,” I offered. “Maybe he can be deprogrammed.”

“Maybe,” He replied doubtfully.

“It’s worth a try,” Leo argued. “We don’t know what he’s been told or how he feels about any of it.”

“Great.” I nodded, “I’ll make sure the team that breeches has his photograph and understands he’s to be taken alive.”

Leo raised an eyebrow. “Are we ready to breech?”

“Hopefully soon.” Getting their brother safely out of Via Imperii control added yet another layer to my resolve to take down the entire thing, not just the local branch.

“Did you learn anything else that we need to know?” Liam asked.

I shook my head.

“Well, I have news. While you were gone, I received the same invitation to join the Via Imperii that Leo received.”

“I don’t suppose you’d be open to playing along by accepting the invitation and pretending to—”

“Absolutely not.”

I suppressed a sigh of frustration. “You are expected to pick a bride at the end of the week!”

My time was running out.

“That seems unreasonable given that I just took over the role of crown prince less than a week ago.”

“About that.” Leo interrupted. “I’ve met with father and we agreed to a course of action. I’ll be officially announcing my pick and my abdication at the same time. So technically, the goal of me finding a wife will be satisfied, so hopefully the suitors won’t feel they have wasted their time.”

“Oh, that’s brilliant!” I nodded my approval. “Announce your choice first, so that the suitors and their families don’t feel tricked, and then announce that you’re stepping down so that the Via Imperii don’t see your choice as a threat.”

“That’s great!” Liam’s face brightened. “Then I can just wait until next year to pick a wife!”

“Yeah…. sorry, but I pitched that idea to dear old Dad, and he insisted that you choose someone now.”

“But—”

Sympathy passed across Leo’s face. “I get it. But I also agree that it needs to happen now.”

“Why?”

“Because you have to be engaged to ascend the throne and let’s face it…. Our father is getting worse by the day. He needs to retire. This morning he was sharp as a tack, but by lunchtime he thought I was Uncle Fabian.”

Liam uttered a string of swear words that I would have sworn he didn’t know.

“I know. And I’m sorry. If I hadn’t dropped this in your lap—”

“What? No!” Liam shook his head adamantly. “Your hand was forced, Leo. It’s fine. I don’t mind picking up the crown. It’s just the marriage part…” he trailed off as his eyes found mine.

The desperation in his eyes killed me a little. He had to marry, there was no choice about that. The only choice was who. He didn’t want to marry someone he wasn’t in love with.

He was in love with me.

That thought sent warmth cascading through me. It wasn’t the time to think about that, though. “What about just pretending to pick Madeleine? You can always break the engagement after we take down the—”

“That won’t work.” Liam shook his head. “A marriage contract must be signed at the conclusion of the selection ceremony. I would need cause to break it.”

“Proof that she’s a member of an organization trying to take over the government ought to do it, right?”

“The wedding is two weeks after the engagement,” Leo broke in. “If you don’t take them down quickly enough, then she will be queen, with access to classified information and places inside the palace. We can’t risk it.”

Liam stepped closer to me and took my hand in his as his eyes searched my face. “Does the idea of me marrying someone else do nothing to you, Riley?”

“I….” I had no easy answer for him, or for myself. I had no issue with him getting fake engaged to Madeleine for the purpose of taking down the bad guys. Hell, I’d accepted a proposal or two in the course of my career. But the idea of him actually marrying someone…. anyone…. bothered me far more than I was willing to admit.

My personal feelings aside, choosing any of the other suitors was going to get him killed. I stared into his eyes as all the available options fell through my mind. The thought of him being hurt…. Or worse... sent all my professionalism flying out the window.

“Of course I don’t want to see you marry someone else,” I said softly before snapping back into work mode and stepping away from him. “And there’s the added wrinkle that if you choose anyone that the Via Imperii doesn’t approve of, her life will be in danger. Not to mention yours.”

“I’m open to ideas.” His voice was suspiciously devoid of emotion.

There was only one answer, and we both knew it.

“Choose me.”

A storm of emotions chased each other across his face. “I want to, Riley but I can’t ask you to—”

“You’re not asking. It was my idea.”

“Yes. However, I know that you don’t actually want to get married.”

Leo stood from the couch. “I should go. Let you two sort this out.” He stopped on his way to the door to lean in and whisper to me, “Don’t let your intractable stubbornness get in the way of your happiness, double oh seven. Tell him how you feel.”

Once we were alone, we turned to each other, the air around us laden with emotion. “I can’t choose you, Riley.”

“Yes, Liam, you can!”

A sad smile flittered across his face. “I’ve made no secret of my feelings nor my intentions. I would marry you tomorrow if that’s what you wanted.”

“It is what I want.”

He shook his head. “As I said, you would be expected to sign an iron clad marriage contract upon acceptance of the engagement. One you would not be able to break later. Agreeing to marry to take down the Via Imperii will not constitute adequate cause to terminate the contract, as you will have entered into it knowingly and willingly, no matter your motives.”

I stepped closer to him as my heart began to thud in my chest. My eyes locked on his, drinking in all the longing and desperation that I found there. “I understand that.”

Hope flashed through his eyes. “You’d have to actually marry me.”

“I know.”

He stepped into my personal space, his eyes searching mine. “You’re prepared to spend the rest of your life with me?”

I shrugged, trying for a nonchalance that I did not feel. “Unless we can take them down in the next six days.”

“Is there any chance of that happening?”

“To be honest, we could take down the Cordonian branch right now.”

“But?”

I traced my fingers down his face and across his lips, my eyes taking in his hopeful expression.

His hand reached out to grasp mine. Bringing my fingers to his lips, he kissed each one individually.

My voice was thick as I whispered, “They’ll just come back. New people will take their place and you’ll never be safe.” I cleared my throat and forced a smidge of professionalism into my voice. “We have to cut off the head.”

It was the only way to keep him safe long term. It might take the Via Imperii months to years to regroup and set up a new branch in Cordonia, but regroup they would and Liam would be their first target.

His eyes lit up with delight. “You’re worried about me.”

“Of course I am.” Pulling my hand out of his grasp, I scoffed. “I’d be an idiot not to recognize the danger. Not only will they want to realize their original ends, but they’ll be out for vengeance on the monarch that helped take them down.”

“Do you always worry about the long term repercussions of your missions? Or do you usually just complete the assignment and get out?”

I stared at him in consternation. I didn’t want to answer that because the truth was that I never worried about what happened after I left. I took down my target. Cleaning up the aftermath was someone else’s job. Leo’s words echoed through my head, and I suppressed the smile that fought to bloom across my face. With a shake of my head, I lost the fight. “You’re incorrigible, you know that? I see what you’re doing.”

“What?” He grinned as he reached for me and pulled me back into his embrace. “Tell me you’re not acting illogically because you love me.”

“Shut up,” I breathed as my head fell back, giving him access to my neck and anything else he wanted.

He was right, but I wasn’t ready to say it out loud. I couldn’t.

Maybe it was a toxic trait. Maybe it was a self protection mechanism. Maybe I was just bad at relationships. Or maybe it was my equally strong feelings for his best friend that kept those three little words off the tip of my tongue.

Spoken out loud or not, my feelings…. And yes, it was time to admit that I had them…. My feelings for him were driving my decisions, not my professional ambition or my years of experience as a field agent. Leaving him vulnerable to assassination was simply not an option for me.

I would do whatever I had to do to ensure his safety, and I didn’t care about the cost.

[azrielgreen]

Ok I’m literally just writing down every random thought I have as I progress through the chapter.

1. Eddie the deepthroating king

2. The ENTIRE honeymoon period was just so fucking sweet. They love each other so much I wanna die. I think one of my favourite things about your writing is how obsessed Steve and Eddie are with each other in every single story.

3. Eddie and Steve swapping secrets. Hearing their pasts, especially Eddie’s in more detail was everything to me. My heart just broke for both of them. Obviously what Eddie had done in the commune was wrong but the kid was 14!!! And clearly brainwashed. Neither of them should have ever gone through what they did.

4. Every bit of Jonathan content has me so curious. Not shocked he was dealing. But saying Billy is his friend? Did Eddie make him do this? Was this all part of Eddie’s greater plan? Did he WANT Billy to be all psycho on steroids and hurt Steve??? God I really need to go back and re-read the whole story.

5. I need to know what happened to Chrissy. And with Eddie. With Chrissy AND Eddie and WHO did he stab to get into prison? Again, I need to re-read this whole story cause my memory is shocking so idk if this has already been mentioned.

6. I know it’ll be part of his greater plan but Eddie telling a junkie about the prostitution of Steve probably knowing it’ll get back to Hopper???? (I’m assuming that’s why he did it???)

7. When they were talking about who has dated who I was holding my breath half expecting Eddie and Nancy to confess or something. Maybe I’m crazy for thinking it.

8. JORDAN BEING MISSING??? Eddie you PSYCHOPATH

9. When steve meets the six is he going to notice the lip scar?!?!?!

10. Reading this Billy compared to SS Billy is WILD

11. I spent the whole chapter wanting Eddie’s POV and then when it happened I was so nervous. I’m always just so nervous for whatever bombshell he’ll drop. But no we got the SWEETEST tattooing scene I’ve ever witnessed

12. Wait DID EDDIE ORGANIZE FOR JONATHAN TO MOVE?!???! Did I miss that?? Is that new or am I misreading?

13. Eddie knowing when Little Steve is about to make an appearance!! 10/10

I don’t know what else to say. The way you write is so beautiful. I love every bit of this story. I am most likely going to spend the next few weeks (yes WEEKS cause this story is fucking LONG) re-reading the whole story cause I think I’ve forgotten a lot of details and need to start putting together the pieces of the puzzle

Also is it new that you added a final chapter count of 30 for this on A03 or am I just noticing that now? Cause 30 CHAPTERS??? Are you telling me we’re just a bit over half way????

Ok bye, have a nice day

Sarah??!!😭😭😭🌈✨️this is so so lovely!!! Thank you!!!

Yes, it's 30 planned chapters total now.

Eddie is behind the move to NY for Jon, yes! There's a deleted Prism scene where it's Jon' POV (set after the restaurant scene with Nancy's fancy people and then Steve being wine drunk at Nancy's place) that shows a little more insight into this but its Eddie behind wanting Jon to move away!

The lip scar is a prosthetic Zachary wore to throw Robin off and guide the description towards Jordan.

Eddie let it spread about Billy selling Steve because he knew Hopper would interfere and bend the rules for him, the way Hopper had done many times in the past for Jon. Eddie has Hopper's weaknesses well and truly clocked.

The Chrissy/Eddie story is revealed in Part Three!

Eddie got into a bar fight and stabbed the guy, landing him in prison the first time. It's just an unknown guy whose brother was a cop (or IS he??!)

The Jon - Billy stuff was really fun to seed and there's still a little more to unravel there but essentially Jon was selling steroids to Billy of his own volition because he sort of *was* low key friendly with Billy at the time, but was reporting it all to Eddie ofc. Eddie then knew about the steroids, Billy was the one who wanted the steroids, though, he's been on them since he was 17 so he could be strong enough that no one could ever hurt him again but it's also a source of HUGE shame for him and he'd never admit he used them.

And finally yes, Eddie Munson's non existent gag reflex, we love you!!

Thank you SO much again!

❤️🌈✨️

[chaosduckies]

Restoration (Chapter 6)

I had no idea what to do with this chapter, but it’s going to mostly lead up to something that’s going to happen later on! So mostly a filler chapter just because why not?

Word Count: 5.1k

CW: Slight mentions of suicide, slight trigger warnings, serious overthinking

6-Nathan

A week has passed since that night. But I couldn’t stop thinking about how I just hugged him. How embarrassed I’ve felt since then. How awkward I feel when I’m near Ryker. Even though he wasn’t at all bothered by it. It hasn’t left my mind. I just feel so embarrassed by it. I mean, we barely knew each other and I just went up and gave him a makeshift hug? Not something people do on an ordinary basis. But still, I haven’t forgotten the way he gently pressed one of his fingers against my back to return the gesture. Somehow I was terrified, but also… grateful? Happy? Whatever the word for it was, it just felt nice. 

I spent that entire week trying to talk to him again, but I guess the adrenaline rush was the only reason I could get those few words out to him. Of course, because I can never get anything to work out in my favor. Typical Nathan. 

Well, during that week, my mom had taken off from work to be with me, since she’s apparently realized that I’ve “been in and out of it,” This entire week. Which I have, I just didn’t think she’d really notice. But of course she does, because she’s a parent and a nurse. How could she not notice? 

She asked me everyday for the past five days after school how everything was going. I would always reply with a smile and say, “It’s good.” Even though in some cases I was lying. Sometimes at school I would stare off into space, not paying attention to anything anyone ever said. Or sometimes when Ryker was talking I would just cave in on myself and ask: Why am I even here? What was wrong with me? Heck, even Ryker has noticed and tried confronting me about it. He told me I didn’t have to answer, and I didn’t. Afraid that I would ruin whatever friendship we’ve made. Or if he even considers us friends. Though, I doubt that was a possibility. 

I had no idea what was wrong with me. Ever since that… hug, I’ve been nothing but a mess. Was it the unbelievable act I thought I could never do again? The way I felt about it afterward? Was it the fact that I wanted to talk so bad, but I couldn’t? Mom can’t know about any of this. She’s already heartbroken enough, and I’d hate myself even more if I dropped this bombshell on her. This is why I needed my dad. Even when I was younger I was always timid and shy and I overthought plenty of things. He’d help me by saying that I should put all of those bad thoughts into a jar and throw it far, far away. But that was when I was a kid. What about now? 

Mom was really worried about me. I could tell. But I was fine. I think. Probably not. Either way, she called the school counselor in hopes that whatever was going on with me would go away. I knew she hated seeing me so sad. I remember when we were still… trapped she used to try to keep my happy by playing little games, or telling me made up stories. As I grew older she tried her best to keep me from crying, trying her hardest to keep me happy. Even after dad died. 

So, this was the week I had started to take counseling after school every Monday and Thursday for forty minutes a day. On top of that, she also contacted Mrs. Kay for whatever reason, and she’s told me that she wants to work with me for at least twenty minutes everyday after class. Great, right? So much for a normal life. I thought I could give it another chance and all of a sudden people are just trying to overwhelm me when I wanted to solve this mystery on my own. 

It was a grueling morning. It was raining, hard. Thunder had sounded above the entire city, making me jump. Stupid right? A seventeen year old scared of thunder? I have a good reason. I think. Didn’t matter. 

I groaned, forcing myself out of bed. This was going to be a long day. I already knew it. It was raining, mom was passed out on the couch, and my body felt like it was going to give up on me at any moment. And luckily that stupid little project thing was over so I could finally take my regular classes. I just hoped Mrs. Kay wouldn’t assign anything crazy again. She probably would though.

I didn’t bother eating breakfast. Just grabbing my backpack on the way out and making my way to the bus before I was late. Nothing to it. The same routine as the past month. 

The school looked as gloomy as ever. Of course it did. It was Monday. The halls were filled with people talking by their class, or running down the hall like there was no tomorrow. Isn’t it too early in the morning to be doing all of that? I was barely waking up. Either way, I went by unnoticed by the crowd of people and made it to class. 

I admit it felt weird not having a looming presence above me at all times. Was that a good thing? I have no idea, but it makes me kind of miss the one-sided conversations Ryker likes to start up. I miss it a lot. Even though I never talked, I loved listening. I was so weird. Before all of this mess, I wanted nothing to do with him, and here I am wishing for his company. Why couldn’t I just be normal? 

The classes were the same as always. Nothing new to it. Then it was lunch. The time period in school where anything can happen. Especially with that encounter a couple weeks back… I shuddered at the thought, reaching the cafeteria. So many people. Too many people. I forgot how crowded it was being on this side. 

Searching for the table I sat at before I had met anyone, I found that it was taken by a group of girls. Nope. Not getting that back. Especially since I know that no one would willingly sit in the far corner. I sighed, searching for a table that was open, and not finding any. Could I just sit with Ryker again? I asked myself. It would be nice, but I don’t think he wants to see me. At least not until last period. I wouldn’t want to be bothered by me either if I were him. 

“Boo.” I jumped, catching my breath while Lucky was laughing so hard he starting coughing. I was not expecting that at all. I thought he would just forget about me. Especially since the “project” was over. I just thought I was another name to be remembered once they all graduate. 

“Sorry, sorry, but you’re so easy to scare,” He chuckles, “Wanna come sit with us?” 

It takes my mind a while to process what just happened, “Wh-who’s ‘us?’” 

“Just Ryker and me. Dylan had a basketball game so I’m all alone.” Lucky shrugged casually. Did I want to sit with them? Yes. Of course I do. I was just afraid I might zone out like I have been for the past week. What if I get scared again? What would happen then? They would all drop me and I’d be all alone again… 

I was about to shake my head before Lucky grabbed my wrist and guided us through the cafeteria to where Ryker always sits. Away from everyone else… I gulped, seeing him stare bored at whatever was playing on his phone. This was a bad idea. Who told me I could even do this? No one. Lucky just dragged me here. And there was a tiny feeling of gratefulness that he did. 

Lucky guided me into the elevator with him. It was silent on the way up, and I couldn’t help but notice the way Lucky looked at me like he was worried. Was it because I kept fidgeting with my hands? Was it because I couldn't look straight ahead? Or was it because he’s noticed something was wrong with me just like everyone else has? Probably the last one. 

“Why do… you look nervous?” Lucky had asked before the elevator made that same ding sound it always does. I didn’t take a step forward, and neither did Lucky. Nervous? I have no idea. 

“I-um… I don’t know.” I let out a sad chuckle, trying my best to give a genuine smile. Lucky gave a skeptical look, “If I promise not to tell will you tell me?” 

Do I trust that? I do. I really, really do. I had no reason not to trust Lucky. Even if I didn’t know what I was so nervous about. I don’t get why everyone was so concerned either! I was a nobody. Just another person trying his hardest to live an impossible normal life. Maybe I should have stayed at the hospital… 

“I really don’t know though.” I muttered, looking down at the ground. Lucky gave another skeptical look before guiding me out of the elevator. I still almost ended up tripping over my own two feet per usual. What was going on with me lately? 

“Hey Ry.” Lucky greeted, smiling and heading over to watch whatever Ryker was watching on his phone like it was nothing. What was I supposed to do now? I can’t… What? My thoughts were a jumbled up mess. I don’t even know what I was thinking at this point. Does Ryker even want me here? No, no he doesn’t. He’s tired of me. I already know it. Everyone gets tired of me eventually. I’m either “Impossible to deal with,” or, “Not worth the time.” A messed up system, right? 

“Hey,” He sighed, his eyes wandering towards me and flashing a soft smile, “Hi, Nathan.” 

I didn’t know what to do. Was he acting? It didn’t really seem like it. He also didn’t seem like the kind of person to act in a situation like this. Still, there was no telling. Maybe he just didn’t want to break the news to me like this? Yeah. Most likely. 

I raised a shaky hand, giving a wave and a nervous smile in hopes that Ryker wouldn’t catch on. He didn’t, but that didn’t stop him from giving a confused expression as if he was trying to put together a puzzle. Hah. As if you could solve my puzzle. I’ve lost so many pieces it’s practically impossible. I’ve tried to solve it myself many times and failed miserably. 

Ryker dragged his attention back to the movie on his phone, looking bored. What was I supposed to do now? We used to watch that hilarious cop show, but I think he only put it on to keep me from being bored and bothering him at this point. Was it all an act? Did he just play along with whatever happened? He didn’t hug me back because he wanted to? He forced himself to do all of those things just so he wouldn’t be bothered? Was I tricked again? 

I’m overthinking.

One step at a time. I said I wanted to give life one more chance, so that’s what I’m going to do. Even if this was all some kind of sick act. Even if I get hurt. I sucked in a deep breath, and sat next to Lucky, watching the events on the theater-sized screen in front of me. Usually I sat further back, but I was afraid of being alone at the moment. 

Even though I was scared out of my mind, there was also some other kind of feeling lingering in the back of my mind. I felt comfortable. Surprisingly after everything that’s been going on inside my head. I was too used to being around Ryker. That doesn’t mean I was comfortable being around any giant though. I had nearly an entire month of forced contact with him. Of course I’d be more lenient towards him. Especially after he’s made no move in those past four months to imprison me and keep me as some kind of pet or entertainment. 

“Bell’s gonna ring.” Ryker grabbed his phone from in front of us, stuffing it back into his pocket and holding his hand palm-up. Why though? We can just take the elevat-

Lucky quickly pulled his backpack on and climbed on, waiting for me to follow. I guess I didn’t have any other choice. Lucky helped me on, and we both managed to fall over on top of each other somehow. Lucky laughed while I hurried to get up, muttering quiet apologies to him. 

“It’s nothing. It happens with Angela all the time.” Lucky smiled. Ryker cupped his hand a bit and started walking towards the doors to get out of the cafeteria. Just in time too, because the bell rang and everyone was now rushing to get to class all of a sudden. I stopped looking back, afraid that the panic attack I’ve been fighting back for the past month would suddenly resurface. Nope. Everything will be okay. I think. Hopefully. 

Ryker crouched down at the part of the hallway that leads back to the human side of the school, letting us down. He barely even talked to me. In fact, the only time he was even talking to either Lucky and I was when we arrived at the table. Was he okay? I couldn’t tell anymore. I just hope that I’m not the cause. 

———Ryker———

Today was not a good day. For more than one reason. One reason being that I had work afterschool today. Another being that I woke up late today due to staying up until about two in the morning because I needed to finish cleaning. And my third reason was the fact that I’m ninety nine percent sure I messed everything up with Nathan. 

In the last week of that “project” I noted that Nathan didn’t really seem to be… himself? Of course I barely knew him and he could have something going on at home, but something just felt off. Maybe it was just that one tiny moment that Friday? Did I do something wrong? Was I not supposed to hug him back? Did I do or say something wrong to upset him? It didn’t really make sense in my head. I thought everything was going good. So why all of a sudden did he seem timid and nervous around me? 

It was that entire week. I asked him if he was okay and if he wanted to talk about it. Nathan just shook his head and gave the best makeshift smile he could manage. I knew something was wrong and that it had something to do with me. And today proved it. It seemed like we were back at step one. 

Was Nathan okay? I remember asking one time and receiving a shake of his head, but I never once thought if he did it just to answer or if he really meant it. I guess I have my answer now. I don’t know why I was so worried honestly. Maybe because in my brain I pretty much consider Nathan and I friends? I have zero idea if he thinks the same, but I hoped so. 

I forced myself through these next grueling classes, waiting for last period. I hadn’t talked to Nathan at lunch because it really didn’t seem like he was up for it at the time. I don’t want to overstep his boundaries either. What if he just wants to be left alone? I have no idea what was going on in his mind as I’ve said before, so that could be a possibility? 

Mrs. Kay had nothing being projected on the board today, which meant it was either a free day or it was some kind of lecture on relationships between human and giants. Something that this world apparently is so focused on. I guess that’s a good thing though. 

After a couple minutes of waiting, I heard the faint ding noise that comes from the elevator and watched as Nathan stumbled out, figuring out a way to trip once again. I’ve wondered for a while why he had always found a way to trip over thin air, but I could never figure it out. Maybe he was just clumsy? It would make sense, but that can’t be the only reason, right? Still, every time he fell my hand twitched to try and help, but I already knew that would tumble everything downhill. Especially now. 

Mrs. Kay had announced that today was a free day since she still had to put in some grades. Would it be overstepping if I asked if Nathan was okay again? Maybe to him, but I was already feeling guilty for being the cause of why he seems so upset. 

“Are you finally glad that you don’t have to be carried around by me anymore?” I nervously laughed, hoping for him to answer. Just build up. That was the way to do this. 

Nathan turned around, thinking about the question before rotating his hand sideways. Kind of? Honestly, that was expected because even Lucky gets tired of being carried around everywhere. Speaking of… Lucky told me something about Nathan making brownies? I’m pretty sure that was on Friday, I just don’t know when he did. But Lucky and Angela absolutely loved them. And Angela had showed me a new stuffed animal that Nathan had bought for her too. In return, she drew a picture of Nathan with some of her crayons and my heart practically melted. 

“Oh, um, Angela has a gift for you. Y’know… for the stuffed animal you bought her?” I smiled. I think it was sweet. I don’t know why he thought he needed gifts though, everyone already thought he was nice already. I guess he just wanted to make sure that no one thought bad of him? 

Nathan’s eyes widened and pointed to himself with an unsure look. Was he confused why? I don’t even know why either. I shrugged my shoulders. Nathan brought his knees up to his chest and stared at the ground, deep in thought. Did I do something wrong again? I guess now would be the time to bring up the topic. 

“I know you’re probably not going to answer me, and that’s okay! But, do you wanna talk about something? You just don’t… look okay.” I bit the side of my cheek in hopes that he’ll give me some kind of a response. He probably thinks I’m annoying at this point. Even I think I am at this point. This was a bad idea. I shouldn’t have even asked. 

Nathan shook his head, putting on a makeshift smile. He was lying. But, if he doesn’t want to talk to me then I won’t force him to. There was nothing I could do. Although, I’m sure a teacher or even his parents would have noticed this. If they haven’t already, then it would be soon. Most likely they’ll just get a therapist or he’ll eventually tell someone about whatever was going through his mind. 

The rest of the time was spent asking him how his weekend was. How it felt to be back on his schedule. You know, questions to keep his mind off of things. I think it was working. At least for a little before the last bell of the day rang. I gave a two fingered wave to Nathan, receiving a shaky one back and left the room. I still felt bad. 

———Nathan———

Remember when I said today was going to be a bad day? I wasn’t kidding. The one-sided conversation with Ryker helped get rid of the uneasiness of going to the counselors office. But as soon as the final bell rang it all came flooding back. Last period wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be. Not bad at all. Not until that loud bell rang, and the entire classroom rushed to get out. 

On my way down the hallway to the counselor’s office, I couldn’t stop thinking about what could possibly go wrong. They might give up on me too. They might tell me to just go home. Or they might send me back to the mental hospital. I mean, it’s not that bad of a place when you don’t have any friends waiting for you, but there were some things that I hated. No contact with the outside world, they make you take these dumb classes to help “calm the mind.” Like yoga or where you would pass a foam ball around and tell everyone your name and what you were there for. I never, ever took part in that exercise. 

Sucking in a deep breath, I knocked quietly on the door that read, “Counsellor Office. Mr. Smith” I didn’t exactly know how these kinds of things worked. All I knew is that no one liked them. 

“You must be Nathan! Please take a seat. Anywhere is fine.” Mr Smith was a tall man. He look about in his late thirties early forties, but he looked so friendly and calm. His voice was trusting and soft as well. I can’t wait till he starts talking behind my back about how impossible I was. 

His office was like any other office I’ve been in. Other than the two different colored bean bags that sat in the corner by a small book case that had a tiny tv above it with movies on the side. This room was nothing like any therapist room I’ve been in. Usually they’re cold and only have a singular couch with magazines about eating healthy and being mentally healthy. Not that those ever helped me. 

I decided to take a seat in the chair in front of his desk, fidgeting with my hands the entire time. Mr. Smith walked over to his own chair, taking out a notebook and gave another soft smile. 

“Nervous? Most students are when they walk in here,” He chuckled, grabbing a pen, “Do you mind telling me your name and how old you are?” I thought he knew that already. 

I opened my mouth to speak, “N-Nathan… I’m seventeen.” Curse the stuttering. Today was already hard enough, why does everything go downhill after I feel good about something? 

“Nice to meet you, Nathan. I’m Garrett Smith, thirty-seven years old, and I have a PhD in psychology.” PhD? Then why is he working as a school counsellor? He could be an actual therapist and won’t have to deal with so many kids. This guy was confusing, but I feel somewhat comfortable around him. Even though we met barely three minutes ago. 

“Now, your mom was worried about you. She says that you seem to be having more nightmares lately. That you seem more tired and sad lately. Would you wan to start there or talk about something else bothering you?” He asked, waiting patiently for my answer. My heart was racing. What was I supposed to answer? I didn’t even know at this point. I haven’t taken therapy for a couple months now, and usually they started with talking about the excruciating events that had happened while we were kidnapped. Instead, Mr. Smith just wants to start with this? Why was that? 

“S-sure.” I nearly squeaked. I never did good at any sort of therapy. I was always too nervous. And then they’d pressure me to answer when I couldn’t. I was afraid that he might do the same. 

“Alrighty then,” He tapped his pen on the notebook, “Would you mind telling me when you started feeling this way?” 

“Last weekend? I th-think.” I started silently tapping my foot on the carpeted ground. Just another thing I do when I was nervous. Mr. Smith didn’t seem to mind or notice. 

“Hm. Did anything… happen around that time?” He wrote something down and I had no idea what it was. Was it bad? Was it good? Did I somehow say too much to get me placed back into the hospital? Please say no. I don’t want to go back there with a bunch of screaming kids throwing the plastic chairs while I was just trying to make some cookies. 

“U-um, just this project thing for Mrs. Kay.” 

“The project where you spent two weeks with a giant in school?” He asked, his face full of curiosity. I nodded my head, playing with my hands again. I’m pretty sure he wrote that down. 

“May I ask who your partner was then?” Oh. Not a question I was too prepared for. I slightly turned to the door, the window peaking inside covered by a piece of cloth. Did it really matter who my partner was? I don’t think it did honestly. 

“Ryker…” His eyebrows shot up in shock as he chuckled lightly, “Ryker Stone?” I nodded. I’m pretty sure that was his last name. How did he know who he was though? There was no way he could know all eight hundred people in this school. That seem a bit over-the-top. 

“From my understanding, you went to his house last Friday and something happened over there?” I nodded. I shouldn’t have hugged him. I shouldn’t have hugged him. I shouldn’t have-

“Was it bad thing?” His eyebrows were scrunched up like he already knew what my answer was going to be. Nothing bad happened. It’s just that my thoughts like taking over me sometimes. A lot of times. I make a good situation and turn it into a bad one. I shook my head at his question. 

Mr. Smith laughed, “That’s Ryker for you. Not a dull moment with him.” He said it like he knew him personally… maybe he did? I mean he is the counsellor. I just didn’t think he worked with giants as well. So if he knew Ryker… does that mean Ryker knew him? Of course that’s what that meant.  

“Back on topic though, I did some looking around on you. I found some… interesting things, but also a record from past therapists. All different notes on you, except for one. That you’re known to overthink situations. Do you think that’s why you’ve been so upset lately? You have a thought on your head from the event that happened?” He wasn’t going to ask what happened? I mean, thank goodness because I don’t think I could answer, but he really wasn’t going to ask me? This guy has a weird way of getting people to open up, but it’s working. It’s working amazingly. 

I nodded my head. Ryker doesn’t want anything to do with me anymore. I couldn’t stop thinking about this. I knew it was true. I messed everything up that Friday night ruined things between us. The worst part is that I was actually warming up to him. He really did feel like friend even though I was deadly afraid. 

“Do you mind telling me what’s been on your mind? It’s alright if you can’t.” He asked softly, already knowing that this might be hard for me. It is. It really, really is. I didn’t want to lose the only friend I’ll ever make in my entire life. Even before I was kidnapped, all of the other kids didn’t bother talking to the shy, timid kid who sat alone by himself at lunch and never had a friend to play with on the playground during school. 

Now I was in high school where people still look at me the same way. I didn’t want to lose someone who was so nice to me. Who actually takes the time to talk and hang out with me. Is that what’s wrong with me? I didn’t want to see someone I care about leave me? 

That stupid cage had ruined me. 

“I-I don’t think Ryker w-w-wants to be around me,” Tears stung my eyes, and I tried my best to blink them away while sucking in a deep breath, “I-I like to think we’re f-friends… but I d-did something stupid and now that this project is over I think he’s just done with me.” A couple tears fell down my face. I wiped them with the back of my sleeve, looking down at the ground. I really didn’t want to lose the one potential friend I’ve made in my entire life. 

The room was quiet except when I heard Mr. Smith pass the box of tissues my way, showing a sympathetic face, “You don’t want to lose a friend?” I shook my head, calming myself down before I make this even more embarrassing for myself. I haven’t cried for a while. It felt good for some reason. Too bad I wasn’t going to let it go any further than a couple tears. 

“And what if Ryker still wants to be friends? What would you think then?” 

That he’ll eventually grow tired of me like everyone else. That it’s only short lived. He’ll eventually forget about me. 

“I’d be grateful… but I doubt he’d remember me after graduation.” I sadly answered. Mr. Smith wrote something down, ripping out the page he was writing on and handing me the paper. I grabbed it with shaky hands, looking over the paper. My name, age, things I’ve done while sitting in his office, and some squiggly lines. He didn’t write down questions? No notes on what he should do next? 

“I don’t like writing down the questions I ask. I think people would prefer to keep them said and not on paper,” He chuckled, “And as for your tiny piece of advice, you and Ryker aren’t so different, and I doubt he thinks ill of you.” That was it? No other questions? He wasn’t going to pry me open? He wasn’t going to force me to spill my guts to people who didn’t want waste their time anyways? No words could describe how confused and happy I was at the same time. 

“Th-that’s it?” I muttered, trying to figure out if he was playing a trick on me or not, but he nodded his head and opened the door for me. I grabbed my backpack, stuffing the sheet of notebook paper in it and walked out of the door. 

“Thank you.” I mumbled. 

Mr. Smith smiled, “Come anytime you want to talk. Just remember after school on Thursday, okay?” I nodded, thinking hard about how Mr. Smith believes, in all honesty, that Ryker won’t just leave me. He could be right. I just have to trust in his word. 

—————————————————————-

Yup. Nathan’s afraid that Ryker will leave him now that their little project is over. I wonder what happens next?

I don’t know how I feel about this chapter. I like and I don’t at the same time. We’ll see. Thank you for reading! Love you guys ❤️

[fortheloveofwonderland]

A War of the Heart - Chapter Five | Luke Alvez x Fem! Reader

Previous Chapter

Chapter Summary - Spencer’s arrest causes you to spiral into a bottle and leads to you and Luke having a heated argument which somehow ends with a mutual understanding.

Category - heavy angst | smut | eventual happy ending.

Content Warnings - prison arc but doesn’t go into detail, drugs, murder and all the things that go with the prison arc, drinking, drunk reader, swearing, arguing, aggression, mild violence.

WC - 3.9k

Chapter Five

Present - Matamoros, Mexico

Two days after your break up, the last place you expected to find yourself was in Mexico, staring into the drugged eyes of your ex-boyfriend who clearly had no idea who you were. 

When Emily had dropped the bombshell to the team that Spencer had been arrested in Mexico on suspicion of drug possession with intent to distribute after leading the Mexican authorities on a high speed chase through the desert, you struggled to wrap your head around the information. 

Nothing about it made sense. Why was Spencer in Mexico? Why did he have drugs in his car? Why was he running away from the cops? What the fuck was going on? 

You didn’t really have a lot of time to process the information before you, Emily and Luke were on the jet heading for Matamoros. You sat alone at the back of the plane, needing some time to try to understand all of this. Two days ago he’d been in your apartment and now he was in a Mexican holding cell. What had gone on in the space of forty eight hours to lead to this? 

About half way through the flight you heard the footsteps approaching and you prayed it was Emily although you knew better. Luke slid into the chair opposite you and sighed. 

“I need to ask you some questions, you know that.” He spoke, his voice croaky. 

“Have Emily do it.” You wouldn’t look at him. 

“No.” He stood his ground. “You’ll be more honest with me.” 

You glanced from where you’d been staring out of the window across to him. You wanted to argue with him, you wanted to scream at him that he was the last person you wanted to talk to. But for the sake of figuring out what happened to Spencer, you needed to speak to him.

“Fine.” You folded your arms. 

“When was the last time you saw Reid?” 

“Two days ago after the case in Palm Springs.” 

“Did he mention anything about going to Mexico?”

“No.” You shook your head. “He just said he had some things to figure out about what to do with his mom.” 

“He didn’t give any indication that he might-“

“No!” You cut him off. “He left my apartment after breaking up with me and I don’t know where he went, ok?” You snapped, knowing full well Emily would have heard you down the jet too. 

Luke sucked in a breath, averting his eyes from you and clearly feeling guilty for pressuring that out of you. 

“I uh…I’m sorry I didn’t know.” He chewed on his bottom lip. 

“Yeah well, now you do.” You sat back in your chair and looked out of the window again. “You’ll be pleased to know you don’t have to lie anymore, the secrets out. Now, please, leave me alone.” 

Luke didn’t think you should be alone right now but he was sure if he tried to stay it would end in a fight. The two of you had barely spoken as of late which had meant there was no way for it to end in an argument and that was probably for the best. He pushed himself up, giving you one last look, hoping you might change your mind but you didn’t even look up and so he left with his tail between his legs. 

He couldn’t help the way your words were spinning around his head, focused on one thing in particular. Spencer had broken up with you, you and Spencer weren’t together anymore. He’d found out about your history together or maybe you’d finally told him and he’d ended things. If you were single did that mean…no, Luke didn’t want to get ahead of himself, he was dating someone after all. But he couldn’t help but wonder if maybe there was a chance for the two of you after all. 

Now standing outside of the holding cell staring into those eyes you’d spent a countless amount of time looking into, Spencer seemed to look through you. Luke was at your side while Emily was talking to the Mexican cops. 

“Spence?” You croaked out, peering at him through the bars. “Spence, it’s me. It’s Y/N.” 

“And Luke. We’re here, Reid.” Luke spoke up.

Spencer frowned between the two of you before pushing himself up from the bench. He slumped towards the bars, confusion riddled in his features. 

“I know who you are.” He choked out. “And I don’t want to see either of you.” 

“Spencer, we’re here to help.” You sniffed back your tears. 

He ignored you, turning around slowly and shuffling back to the bench, keeping his back to both of you. You sniffed again, wiping a stray tear that had escaped your eye. Out of instinct, Luke wrapped his arm around your waist but you quickly slapped him away. 

“Don’t touch me.” You spat before turning on your heels and fleeing. 

***

It had been one of the longest days of your entire life. Between calls back and forth to the team back at Quantico and the discovery of Nadie Ramos dead body, it had been incredibly draining. It was looking increasingly likely that Spencer was going to be charged with her murder but for now there was nothing that could be done. Matt Simmons from the IRT was supposed to be joining you down in Mexico in the morning and you could only hope he and his team would be able to help free Spencer before charges were filed against him.  

Spencer’s expanded tox results were still pending and the evidence from Nadie’s murder scene were being processed. Emily had insisted the three of you call it night and start fresh in the morning. But of course you wouldn’t get any sleep, not with the images of Spencer in that holding cell in your mind. 

You’d lost count of how many glasses of wine you’d gotten through. Honestly there didn’t seem to be enough alcohol in the world to clear your mind tonight. You knew you needed to be clear headed tomorrow for Spencer, but after that first sip, you couldn’t stop. You kept telling yourself this was your last glass, trying to force yourself to leave, when someone slipped into the seat opposite you in the corner booth of the hotel bar. You would have thought he’d have more sense than to seek you out, apparently you were wrong. 

“How are you doing?” His voice was lower than usual, croaky like he hadn’t slept a wink in weeks. 

“I was better before you sat down.” You rolled your eyes and took a sip of your wine. 

“Stop this, Y/N. Stop with the hostility for five minutes, please?”  

“You want me to stop being hostile? Me? When the last thing you said to me that wasn’t about a case was I can’t believe I ever thought I loved you? And you want me not to be hostile?” Honestly it wasn’t until that moment you really let yourself feel how much those words hurt you. It must have been the alcohol. 

Luke instantly softened, sighing and running his hands over his stubble. 

“I didn’t mean that. I was angry.” He spoke, barely above a whisper. 

“You still said it. And it hurt, ok?” You distracted yourself by sipping from your glass. 

“I’m sorry.” He sighed again. “You know it wasn’t true. You know how I felt about you. How I feel about you.” 

“Don’t, don’t do that.” You shook your head.

“Do what?” He frowned as you finished your wine and got to your feet. 

“Don’t you dare sit there and make big sweeping confessions you can’t take back.” You went to leave but as expected Luke was faster than you and was quickly grabbing you by the arm. 

“What if I don’t want to take them back? I can’t keep pretending I don’t feel how I feel about you.” He kept hold of you, worried you might try and flee again. 

“You think now is the time?” You spat at him. “Right now? While my ex is in a fucking prison cell facing charges for a crime he didn’t commit. You think now is the time for you to do this?” You shook him off. “Fuck you, Alvez. Fuck you!” 

He grabbed you again, eyes narrowing on you only now realising the slur in your voice, the way you wobbled on your feet.

“How much have you had to drink?” 

“That’s none of your business. Now if you’d kindly stop manhandling me, I’d like to go to bed.” You roughly yanked your arm away from him, a combination of the force in which you moved and the wine causing you to lose your balance. 

You almost went flying into the hard tiled floor, you braced yourself for the impact but it never came. Instead there was a strong set of arms suddenly around your waist, grabbing you before you had a chance to fall face first on the floor. He turned you slowly in his arms, making sure to keep a hold of you. He told himself it was in case you stumbled again but that was only half of the truth. 

“Let me help you upstairs.” He spoke softly, only just resisting the urge to stroke your hair back from your eyes. 

“I don’t need help. Least of all from you.” To your credit, when you weren’t slurring you sounded remarkably sober. But Luke had first hand experience in dealing with you drunk.

“Well that’s too bad.” He kept one arm around your waist and started guiding you towards the elevators. 

You wriggled to try and get free of his hold but the wine had affected your strength and he was able to get you across the room and to the bank of elevators. The last time he’d had to do this was much more dangerous, there was a lot more on the line. At least it couldn’t potentially end your military career this time. 

He called for the elevator and when the doors opened he helped you inside despite you still trying to get free from him. Thankfully he already knew where your room was, he was pretty certain you weren’t going to tell him if he didn’t, and it was conveniently only a few doors down from his own. 

The doors closed and it started to ascend when you finally broke free of his hold and glared at him through wild, alcohol glazed eyes. 

“I hate you, do you know that?” You spat at him. 

“No, Y/N, you don’t hate me.” He rolled his eyes. 

“Yes, yes I do. You show up here and you just fuck everything up. I was happy! I was finally fucking happy and then you just waltz in and turn everything on its head. I blame you for this. I blame you for everything. I hate you Luke Alvez.” 

Luke swirled his tongue around his mouth, poking it against his cheeks the way he did to try and calm a rising anger. But it was no use. He’d reached boiling point and there was no going back. 

“Fuck you.” He suddenly yelled out of nowhere, months or even years worth of pent up emotions finally coming to the surface. “Fuck you, Y/N. You don’t get to blame me for this. You made the decision not to tell Reid about our history, not me. You are the one that wanted to keep secrets. That’s not on me. And don’t fucking stand there telling me you hate me when I have done nothing to you except love you for thirteen damn years! 

You ran away like a goddamn coward because you couldn’t handle your feelings for me. I told you, multiple times, that I wanted to marry you, to spend my life with you and you ran away. But do you want to know the most fucked up part? After everything that’s happened, I would still marry you tomorrow because I love you more than I ever thought it possible to love someone. And I know you don’t hate me, far from it. You love me and you can’t stand that.” 

When you suddenly slapped him hard across the face it was hard to tell who was more surprised. You certainly hadn’t meant to do it, hadn’t even realised you were going to do it until your hand collided with his cheek. Luke groaned at the impact, his hand going up to cradle his face. The look in his eyes was more hurt than you’d ever seen. 

“You don’t know me.” You mumbled. “You don’t know me at all. Go to hell, Alvez.” 

The elevator came to a stop just as you finished your sentence and you were quick to escape as soon as the doors started opening. You stumbled on your feet, swerving down the corridor but you could hear his heavy steps behind you.

“Would you come back here, damnit?” He called from behind. 

“No, leave me alone.” At some point tears had started rolling down your cheeks but you pushed through them, finding your room and trying to frantically locate your key card in your pocket. 

“I’m just trying to help you! Why do you need to make everything so difficult?” 

You found your key but due to the alcohol and the tears constricting your vision you couldn’t get it in the slot. Luke watched you fumbling.

“Ay dios mio.” He mumbled. “Move out of the way.” 

“No.” 

“Move.” He growled. “That is an order, private.” 

Your back went suddenly rigid. It didn’t matter how much time you’d been out of the army, an order like that would always make you stop in your tracks. You swallowed, he couldn’t command you in that way anymore. 

“I am not a private anymore and this isn’t Iraq.” 

Luke exhaled a heavy breath, determined not to lose his cool again. But it happened anyway. He suddenly grabbed you by the biceps and spun you around, pushing you heavily up against the door. 

“Stop this.” He spat. “I am trying to help you!” 

His fingers dug into your arms, probably hard enough to leave bruises. It wouldn’t be the first time, you’d grown adept in covering the marks Luke always used to leave on you. That’s not to say he was violent, it was usually just the result of rough sex and Luke pinning you down. Occasionally he’d lose his cool, like now, sometimes not realising his own strength. But he never deliberately hurt you. 

“You are the last person I want to help me.” Your tears continued to roll down your cheeks. 

Despite your words you still moved aside when Luke let go of you. You were suddenly exhausted, completely drained. You had no fight left in you. You let Luke prize the key card from your hand and open your door. He nodded his head towards it, motioning you inside. You didn’t argue when he followed you in. 

You kicked off your shoes and slumped onto the bed. Luke came closer and stood over you. 

“I don’t want it to be like this, Y/N.” He ran his hand through his hair. “Something has to give. I can’t keep fighting with you, it’s taking too much out of me.” 

“I don’t know if I can work with you, Luke.” You confessed, hanging your head. “I think…I’ve been thinking for a while about leaving the BAU. I think it will be for the best.” 

Luke shook his head, sitting down beside you and placing his hand on your shoulder. 

“Please don’t do that. Not because of me.” 

“I can’t keep seeing you everyday.” You shrugged. “Look at me, Luke, look at what this is doing to me.” 

You looked up at him, your tear filled eyes looked utterly broken. You looked as though you’d aged in the few months he’d been on the team. It was only now he really saw what he’d done to you. And it made his heart shatter. 

“Then I’ll leave. You’ve been with the team a lot longer than me, it’s not fair for you to have to quit. A part of me kinda misses the fugitive task force anyway.” He moved his hand from your shoulder, down across your shoulder blades and settled on your lower back. “But for now we just need to focus on Reid. Once we’ve got him home, I’ll resign.”

“I don’t want you to have to do that.” 

“And I don’t want you to either.” 

Silence stretched out between you and Luke’s arm snaked further around your waist. You flopped your head to the side and rested it against his shoulder. The silence seemed to last forever but it was probably only a few minutes before Luke sighed, helping you sit back up. 

“I should go.” He spoke but he didn’t move. 

“Don’t…please don’t…” You chewed on your bottom lip. “Don’t make me say it.” 

“If you want a favour from me, after all the shit you’ve given me since I joined the team, then the least you can do is say it.” He frowned at you, knowing what you wanted to say but were too scared to.

You clenched your jaw with a sigh, almost too stubborn to say the words. But you needed him right now, more than you’d probably ever needed anyone. So as much as it killed you to say the words, it would be harder not to say them. 

“Please don’t go.” You sniffed, wiping your eyes. “I don’t want to be alone right now.”

Realistically, Luke knew it was a terrible idea, but practically, he couldn’t refuse such an offer. He nodded his head, pushing himself up to his feet, unsure what to do with himself. Getting in the bed seemed presumptuous, he needed to wait for your cue. 

You stood as well, legs still wobbly from the wine. You swallowed a lump in your throat before walking past him towards your go bag on the chair in the corner. You turned your back on him while you changed but you felt his eyes on you. When you removed your shirt and unhooked your bra he had to physically restrain himself from coming closer to you. But soon you were slipping on an oversized t-shirt, one that almost came down to your knees. Luke knew without seeing the print on the front that it was your old Rangers shirt with the 75th emblazoned over the chest. 

You slipped off your pants, using the length of the shirt to cover yourself although a part of Luke wished you wouldn’t. Once changed you turned back to him, but didn’t look at him, as you crept over to the bed and slid in between the sheets. 

Luke still stood there dumbly, watching you as you rolled onto your side to face him. You looked up at him, tears still hidden behind your eyes but no longer falling, and patted the mattress. 

Luke knew this was a bad idea. Sharing a bed with you would be almost impossible for him to keep his hands to himself. But he tried to focus on the circumstances that brought you here. Spencer was in jail, he needed help. And not to mention, Luke was still dating Lisa. 

He closed his eyes as he started unbuttoning his shirt, not wanting to look at you while he did so. If he wasn’t mistaken, he was sure he heard you suck in a deep breath as he dropped the shirt to the floor. He had to ignore it, instead focusing on getting out of his pants. Once just in his underwear he finally opened his eyes but looked at the bed instead of you. He continued to do so while he crawled onto the mattress and settled onto his back under the sheet. 

“Why won’t you look at me?” You whispered. 

“Because if I look at you,” he sighed. “I will not be able to be held accountable for what I do to you.” 

“Right.” You swallowed. “Fair enough.” 

He felt the bed shift beneath him and he dared to finally glance over at you. You’d rolled over onto your other side, now facing away from him. 

“Is this better?” You mumbled against your pillow. 

“Not really.” He chuckled. “Can I…can I hold you?” 

“I’d be offended if you didn’t.”

Again, Luke knew what a terrible idea it was but he couldn’t help himself. He shuffled closer to you and rolled onto his side. He reached for you but his hand hovered in mid air for a few seconds before he gently laid it on your bicep. He moved closer still, until his front was pressing up against your back. His fingertips grazed down your bare arm until he found your hip and snaked his arm around your waist. 

He was hard, it wasn’t difficult to tell given the way he was flush against you. His breath tickled the back of your neck and occasionally you felt his scratchy stubble brush against your skin. His hand took purchase on your stomach and you entwined your fingers with his holding him in place. He cautiously edged his knee between your thighs. 

“This is dangerous.” He whispered against your neck. “Do you have any idea how turned on I am right now?”

“I’ve got a pretty good idea.” You swallowed thickly. “Are you still with Lisa?”

“Yes.” 

“Then it’s not dangerous. I’m not making that mistake again.” You gave his hand a soft squeeze. 

“But if I wasn’t with Lisa?” He dared ask, as if it made a difference. 

“Trust me when I say you don’t want the answer to that.”   

Your words caused him to hiss and his stubble brushed against your flesh again but it wasn’t quite a kiss. 

“Y/N?” He spoke against your skin. 

“Yes Luke?” 

“What would happen if I broke up with Lisa?” 

You sighed, shuffling somehow closer to him. 

“I don’t know, Luke.” You admitted. “You and I aren’t good for each other.”

“I don’t think that’s true.” He croaked. “You never gave us a chance.” 

“We were volatile at best.” You sighed again. “Our fights, Luke, were explosive. Sure the make ups were pretty good but, fuck, we know how to push each others buttons too well. We were kinda toxic.” 

“I don’t agree.” He shook his head, tightening his hold on your hand. “It was passion, we had passion. Ok, it got a little out of hand sometimes but I’ve never had that kind of passion with someone else.” 

“That’s probably a good thing.” You laughed dryly. “I almost broke your nose once, you remember?” 

“How could I forget?” He chuckled too. 

“That’s not a healthy relationship.” 

“You were drunk if I recall.” 

“And who’s to say the next time I got drunk I wouldn’t have actually broken your nose? Or worse? Luke, I don’t like myself when I’m with you, that’s the hard truth. I can’t put myself through that again. So to answer your question, if you were to break up with Lisa, it wouldn’t change anything. Not for me anyway.” 

Luke sniffed loudly and you felt him nodding his head. 

“I appreciate the honesty.” He sighed. “Doesn’t mean it doesn’t suck to hear though.” 

After that the two of you fell into silence and at some point you both fell asleep, safe from the world in each others arms. 

Next Chapter

Taglist

@carolinesbookworld @wooya1224 @littlebeanwrites @randomrambling @telepathay

[scaryscarecrows]

So I'm getting myself a Red Hood tattoo as an early graduation gift/general 'I want one'/'new chapter of my life' thing, right? Jason's actually a very meaningful character to me; I got into him when my mother was very ill, and I was doing all of the care for her. Dropped out of college to do that, even. No support network (well, Dad, but he worked long hours), because my grandparents 'didn't believe she was sick'. So honestly, that was my sanity and lifeline for a good four years, and then Dad got sick, and. Well. Here we are. Point is, he dropped into my life when I was at a crippling low and now that I'm finally starting to pick myself up, he still means a lot to me. So partly the tattoo-to-be is because I'm a nerd, partly it's a reminder that I made it through shitty times and came out on top.

Anyways, my mother mentions this to my grandmother, who--despite the fact that my mother AND aunt both have tattoos--responds to this with complete despair.

I'm debating on dropping the bombshell of 'heads in duffel bag' on her, as punishment. She wants opinions, she should have stepped up to help rather than dump the work of caring for a dying woman (Mum recovered, actually, thanks to a VERY good doctor and luck) on a seventeen year-old kid.

[hockeylvr59]

Honest Love Part 9 || Cale Makar

Requested: [ ] yes [x] no

Authors Note: When Laura and Gary come to town, a bombshell announcement gets dropped and Gary and Cale talk about some other future life changes. This chapter is a good portion of Secret Love Chapter 25 from Laura and Gary's POVs but there's some new stuff in there as well.

Warnings: none / Word Count: 1,940

~~~~

Laura’s POV

Gary had already had to tell her more than once to relax and they hadn’t even reached Denver yet. But Laura couldn’t help but be excited to go down to Denver and spend a week with her eldest son and his girlfriend who was essentially already her daughter. It had been just over two months since they’d made the big move in together and Laura was anxious to see how things were going for them now that they were living together and planning a future. 

They were meeting them for dinner and Laura was itching just to hug them both after so long. Thankfully their flight arrived on time and after renting a car, she and Gary headed to their hotel, checking in and getting settled. They each grabbed a quick shower before dressing for dinner and Gary texted Cale to confirm the restaurant. 

Arriving at dinner, Laura held Cale and then y/n tightly noting that there was something different about them both. They still looked happy and completely in love and so she attributed the difference to just how they had settled into their relationship continuing to evolve. 

When they were standing, Cale had a hand resting on her lower back and when they were seated, she had a hand resting on his knee but otherwise things seemed normal and content. 

“Yeah we’ve been talking a little about maybe buying a house.” Hearing her future daughter in law mention that made Laura look between the two of them before looking at her husband who had raised an eyebrow. 

Though Cale wasn’t on a long term contract yet, he was eligible to sign one this summer so it wasn’t a complete shock that they were starting to think about putting down roots. 

“After all, someone here wants a dog at some point and you guys shouldn’t have to stay in a hotel every time you want to come visit.” No one could deny that her points made sense and so the topic was left at that. With Cale and Gary talking about last night’s game, Laura inquired about what things they might be looking at wanting for Christmas. 

With Calgary drama, Taylor drama, and other topics mixed in, dinner passed quickly and it wasn’t long before they were saying good night after making plans to spend tomorrow afternoon at the apartment. 

++

With Cale having practice in the morning, Laura had made Gary take her out for breakfast before the two of them just wandered around Denver a bit, still getting to know the city their son called home now. 

On their way to the apartment they stopped and picked up lunch to take over, but when Laura walked into the apartment she could already smell food and could hear Cale banging away in the kitchen. 

“You’re dad texted that we were bringing lunch, why are you cooking?” 

“Because Y/N wants soup.” Cale’s reply left her even more confused because Laura knew that they had picked up y/n’s favorite food and that Gary had texted that specifically to Cale.

“But you knew we were bringing one of her favorites.” 

“Mom…she wasn’t feeling well this morning okay.” Cale stated with a sigh. “Soup is easy on the stomach, that is not.”

Y/N had looked like she’d felt fine last night so Laura was worried about what could have caused her to wake up feeling ill this morning. 

“Is she sick? Cale, why didn’t you tell us? If she’s not feeling well we can go find something else to do.”

“She’s fine now.” Laura should have known her son well enough to pick up on the fact that he was starting to get annoyed but she was too focused on her son’s girlfriend and her wellbeing to notice.

“Seriously Cale, if Y/N isn’t feeling well she should be resting, not having to worry about entertaining us.” As much as they wanted to see them, they could push this off until tomorrow or Thursday when Cale had another practice only day. 

“Mom. Relax.” Cale’s tone was forceful but Laura wasn’t about to let it be. 

“Cale…we’d rather her rest now and kick whatever this is quicker than…”

“Y/N’s pregnant.” It was stated so bluntly that it didn’t even process fully and Laura gripped the counter as her face morphed into shock and awe. 

“What?” She hadn’t even realized she’d spoken until y/n herself appeared, sliding under Cale’s arm and tucking herself against his side. Looking at Cale and then over at y/n again Laura swallowed the lump forming in her throat. 

“You’re pregnant?”

Unlike the lump, the tears welled uncontrollably and when y/n nodded and stepped away from Cale for a moment before setting a series of what were unmistakably ultrasound pictures onto the counter, it all slowly started to click into place. 

“How do you feel about being a grandma?” Y/N asked and Laura couldn’t remain in place any longer, flying around the island to pull her daughter into a hug. This was something she had dreamed of for years and now it was actually true after everything. 

“You’re pregnant. You’re really pregnant.”

“Yeah mom. I’m pregnant.” 

“Oh my lord.”

As the tears finally fell at the realization that her baby was having a baby for real this time, Laura couldn’t help but be a little confused. They had only been together for about six months, certainly they hadn’t made the decision to have a baby already…before they’d even gotten engaged. 

“This wasn’t planned was it?”

“No, it wasn’t planned.” Her son confirmed, speaking up for the first time since dropping the bombshell news. Remembering all the drama from what seemed like ages ago but was really less than a year, Laura needed confirmation that this time it was a good thing. 

“But you’re happy?”

“We’re so happy.” Cale confirmed. “Best surprise ever.” The way her son looked at his girlfriend told Laura that his statement was absolutely the truth and that he couldn’t be more thrilled that they were expecting, even this early on. 

“Oh this is so wonderful.” Laura couldn’t help but exclaim. “How far along are you?” Looking down she couldn’t see any evidence of a baby bump yet and if the ultrasound was recent, it was clear that it was still very early on but she needed to know exactly when they were expecting their first grandbaby.

“8 weeks.” Y/N replied. “So still very early but the doctor says everything looks good. We’re due mid-june.” Wiping her tears away, Laura couldn’t help but bounce. Next summer they would have a grandbaby to dote on and love. 

Hugging her daughter again, Laura moved to pull Cale into her arms kissing his head. “It’s so much better when it’s with the right person isn’t it?” She whispered to her son. 

“Yeah it is.” He agreed, smiling brightly. “It’s a completely different feeling. I can’t wait to be a dad to our little pumpkin.” 

“Pumpkin huh?” 

“Yeah. Just a little nickname.” The way Cale grinned suggested there was more to the story than that but that he wasn’t really willing to divulge it. Glancing over, Laura saw her husband hugging their future daughter wishing her congratulations. Then he came over and pat Cale on the back sharing a look with him about there being some things they needed to discuss later with this new news. 

That could wait though and with Y/N stirring soup that appeared done, Laura was reminded that it was now far past lunchtime and their food was likely well on its way to cold. 

As they sat down to eat, Cale looked at his girlfriend before looking back at them requesting that they keep the news of the pregnancy to themselves for now. It was still early, Y/N was in the first trimester and they weren’t ready to make any public announcements yet. Cale added that he was going to tell Taylor when they played in Boston in like 2.5 weeks so even that was off limits. Laura knew that that made sense and she would respect those wishes as hard as it may be to keep it a secret. 

“So this is why you’re really looking at buying a house huh?” Gary questioned as they wrapped up lunch causing Cale to shrug. 

“I mean yeah. A baby is only going to fit here for so long. They kind of need their own space. And a house would give us privacy and prevent neighbors from having to hear a crying infant. So it’s something we’re discussing.” 

Now knowing that it wasn’t going to just be the two of them for much longer, buying a house certainly made a little more sense and Laura and Gary both knew that they would make a choice that was right for them. 

+++

Gary’s POV

Having spent the day inside playing games since it was a little too cold outside and Cale didn’t want Y/N doing too much with how easily she got fatigued, his wife suggested that Cale and his dad go out for dinner and she and y/n would have some girl time there. 

With there being things he wanted to discuss with Cale now, Gary wasn’t about to turn that down. 

He certainly wasn’t about to pull any punches either. As soon as they got into the car, Gary dropped his first big question. 

“So…when are you going to put a ring on her finger?” 

“Before the baby comes. I just don’t have the details figured out yet.” The speed at which Cale had an answer told Gary that this was something Cale had been thinking about. “I don’t want her to think I’m proposing because of the baby. I mean she shouldn’t because us getting married has always been a when not an if but…I just don’t want there to be any doubt.” 

It made sense and Gary certainly couldn’t fault him for that. 

“So you’re ready to be a dad?” Gary transitioned. 

“Were you ready to be a dad when mom was pregnant with me? Like I know you were older and maybe a bit more established in your relationship and stuff but like caring for a baby were you ready? Because I’m not sure anyone ever really is, but I would do anything for that little clump of cells she’s growing into another human being, I know that.” 

It was a rare occasion that Cale was so certain of something but also spoke with such a fond, emotional tinge. If Gary had at all doubted his maturity in handling this he couldn’t any longer and he nodded. He may not have all the answers but at least he knew which ones he was lacking enough to address them. 

As Cale pulled into the restaurant parking lot Gary couldn’t help but throw one more comment at his son mostly in jest. 

“Just can’t believe in the span of a year you’ve gone through a scare and an actual pregnancy. And I thought I taught you sex ed.” 

Shrugging, Cale smirked and replied before climbing out of the car.

“Yeah I mean using condoms probably would have helped but with y/n it was inevitable anyway.” 

Maybe he should rethink that maturity thing after all…or at least go smack some sense into Taylor because one grandchild was more than enough for now. 

+++

As much as this had come as a shock, both Laura and Gary were certain of one thing, this baby was a blessing and they couldn’t wait to watch Cale and Y/N raise a baby of their own.

[foxydivaxx]

Sanji: Chronicles Of King Nasty Chapter 2

Was listening to some Madonna songs and those songs fit Sanji in this verse because Sanji is a very unapologetic person xD. Song used: Human Nature. The bombshells get worse. Trigger warning: Mentions of abuse and sexual acts

Was listening to some Madonna songs and those songs fit Sanji in this verse because Sanji is a very unapologetic person xD. Song used: Human Nature

Ezreal was flipping through the channels on TV. The rehabilitation center that he checked into was surprisingly accommodating to him. Most rehab centers usually function in a strict manner, similar to a mental asylum. Not this one. Some of the strictness was there but they were also a bit lax and actually gave them some privileges, like watching the TV. 

Watching TV is not often a good idea though as sometimes he comes across some news stories poking fun at him and his failed career. Other times, he manages to catch up on the latest gossip happening in the entertainment industry. Normally stuff like that should not excite him. But yet, some stories do. Like for example, the hype surrounding KDA who are currently the hottest girl band on the planet. He has watched their videos and their songs are good. He also likes Pentakill as well. All these artists inspire him to want to come back to the industry. However, he has yet to figure out how to make that comeback yet. 

It was then that he stopped on a music channel and funny enough, they played what appeared to be Sanji's latest music video. Ezreal naturally sits up and pays attention here because this is his idol we are talking about.

Express yourself don't repress yourself Express yourself don't repress yourself

Sanji was dressed in a leather catsuit and was seated on a chair surrounded by his dancers. The catsuit is a nod to his early popstar days as Sanji was not Sanji without some form of leather. Ezreal observed that he had dyed his hair black and that he was wearing his signature round glasses which were black. An obvious reference to his character Black Cat from the movie Black Ops Squad.

As expected, Sanji's sex appeal is on display here with some BDSM themes inserted.

And I'm not sorry (I'm not sorry) It's human nature (it's human nature) And I'm not sorry (I'm not sorry) I'm not your bitch, don't hang your shit on me (it's human nature)

This is why Sanji was his idol. The guy gives zero fucks about what people truly think about him. Controversial yes? But talented? Hell yes. That rebellious spirit of his is the reason the majority of the LGBTQ community loves him.

The sheer audacity is enough to encourage anyone to want to think big. He did not completely allow the media and the public to get to him. Sure, that level of hate and scrutiny should have ended his career.

Yet there he was, showing them that he was going nowhere. Without realizing it, Ezreal began to take some notes. If he was going to make a comeback soon, he needed to change his image a bit.

But first, back to the book. He picks up the book and begins to read through the next chapter.

The next couple of years were peaceful for the most part which was a a good thing for all of us now that I think about it. Mother resumed work again and kept on pumping out music much to our collective delight.

It was during this time that our respective fashion sense began to develop. All of us, yes the boys included, would sneak off into Mum's room and raid her wardrobe and mess around in her clothes and makeup. Now you know where my flair for dramatics began.

I blame my mother for that one because that woman is one dramatic performer. Like have you seen that woman bring the house down on stage? Runs in the family I guess.

Ezreal chuckled at that little anecdote. It was nice to learn more about Sanji and his family, especially the younger years as that often plays a role in how people often turn out to be as adults. Reminds him of the days he would mess around with his own mother's stuff.

Another thing that runs in this household, at least the boys, is actually perverted behavior. Anytime we see someone hot, heart eyes everyone, just like a certain pirate cook.

Gets to the point that we all start fighting over who gets first dibs for the date. Those arguments get really heated and Mother loses her shit over our behavior and kicks our sorry asses.

Ezreal laughed so hard at that one. His One Piece character is a parody of his real-life persona so it is funny that he acknowledges that here. It is even more hilarious that the brothers are as bad as he is in that department.

Now in regards to my perverted nature in general, this is where things get really messy. One day as I was walking home from school, I ended up losing my way ike the little idiot I was back then. Then suddenly, a black SUV pulled up close to where I was and out came two hefty men who just grabbed me and dragged me into the car.

Father was in that car with the most evil smirk on his face. I struggled to break free but alas, what can an 11-year-old do? Puberty had not yet hit.

The old fart was staring at me with the most unreadable look on his face. I could not even speak at all. I just froze, fearing for my life. The next thing I knew, the man came closer and began to unzip my pants.

I screamed and tried to run but these men held onto me. That bastard began to suck me off right there and the next thing I knew, he began to fuck me in that SUV.....

Ezreal gasps in horror. He himself had a similar situation except his happened in school no thanks to a bully. No wonder Sanji was that messed up. There have been stories about his sex life over the years and this more or less confirms some of those horrific stories about him. Plus Sanji was 11 by that point too?! Shit!!

After hours of torture at the hands of this bastard, he dumped me off on the streets of our home. There I was lying down helplessly, in tears, completely violated.

My siblings soon found me and my brothers were able to put two and two together about what happened and told Mum. Mother was horrified and immediately filed a restraining order against Dad. I was put into therapy but it could only do so much as I never felt the same way since that day.

School was torture for me as I would try and chase girls, just like my character, yet there I was also fantasizing about boys as well. The old bastard seriously fucked up my mind. It certainly did not help that a lot of guys in school suddenly started getting attracted to me. Like I would be walking down the hallway and they would all be staring at my ass, some even going as far as to grope my ass.

I was not being sexy or anything, yet they gave me attention. I was a confused boy as the whole concept of sexuality was foreign to me. For years, I battled with my sexuality. I thought that I was going insane. But in reality, it almost felt like maybe this was who I was meant to be.

One particular day, I was in the bathroom and I noticed this Hispanic guy looking me up and down as I washed my hands. "Whatcha staring at?" I remember asking.

"You silly because you are the finest specimen I have ever seen," he replied. I laughed because that was the weirdest pickup line ever. He then came closer to me and began to rub my crotch. On a good day, I would have said no but deep down I wanted a release. So I let him give me a blowjob. That guy became my first lover. This was the beginning of my playboy lifestyle and I was only 13 by this point.

Ezreal pauses there and sighs. This chapter was quite heavy for him to read. For starters, it is shocking to hear what Sanji went through. On the other hand, this has forced him to start questioning himself, especially in regards to his own sexuality.

He had also asked similar questions about himself and whether he was crazy for showing interest in men. He appreciates Sanji's honesty about this.

A couple of hours later, he was about to head to his room when he saw a news coverage. "Breaking News: Judge Vinsmoke loses a variety of gigs and sponsorship after his son Sanji's shocking sexual abuse allegations come to light, causing a massive uproar."

"What a terrible man." says one of the nurses. "I hope he rots in hell for what he did to his son!!" says another nurse. It is great to see Sanji finally get justice and vindication for all the hell he and his family went through. He goes back to read more and boy was he horrified by the next things that he read:

I began to engage in a variety of wild sexual behavior. I would invite a variety of guys in school to the bathroom stalls or somewhere outside and they would fuck me on the spot. A couple of girls threw themselves at me as well and boy was I a bad boy back then. This was the birth of one of my stage personas King Nasty. I was going out of control without realizing it and my brothers and Reiju noticed and tried to stop me.

The truth is that I was desperate for love. I wanted attention and affection. Now you know why I became famous. I thought all that excess would cure my pain and the trauma that continued to eat me away. I was losing my mind. Plus I hung out with the wrong people. That is the warning I would give to every kid out there: mind the company you keep. 

I proved to be a little rebellious and ignored them. I was in my little world and became a hard-drinking party boy. I entered clubs at a young age at the time and engaged in all manners of reckless behaviour and also began to indulge in excessive drug use and started smoking by that time. I began to inhale a lot of cocaine at that point. I also worked briefly at a strip club for like 3 months. Plus I did a nude photoshoot at the time for money. That will come back to haunt me years later.

Ezreal's jaw drops. This is the first time he would hear about the nude photos. He was very young at the time when that happened. Sanji would have been 13-14 when Aogiri debuted so that is huge.

Around that same time, I signed a contract with Deevee Records and released my debut single Get Back which got zero attention and led to me getting kicked out of the label soon after. One of their producers Max discovered me at one of the clubs I was hanging at and offered me a record deal on the spot after hearing me sing.

I hated that song yet the label forced me to sing it. Cringey lyrics and even worse low budget video. 

He knew about Sanji's early debut as they showed a photo of that video. He looked different from the Sanji everyone knows and loves. He had black hair at the time meaning that he dyed his hair back to his natural blonde hair. Ah and a special fact. I met a certain special someone during this time. Who am I referring to? None other than my beloved current husband, Zoro or Marimo as I love to affectionately call him.

His eyes widened in shock. "WHAT!" So he knew Zoro for that long. It means that the so-called affair between him and Zoro began a long time.

Yes, Marimo and I actually go way back. You see, Zoro had started his musical career then as a member of Gear V whom I happened to be a huge fan of.  One easily forgets that Zoro was once one of the biggest musical stars at the time. The fact that Sanji calls him Marimo shows just how much he loves him.

I met Zoro at the recording studio one day. I noticed the way he kept staring at me and I gotta say, the feeling was mutual. Marimo was so handsome, so fucking sexy. I have a weakness for bad boys, similar to my mother. The fact that I remained attracted to him years after shows how much I loved him. Yes, I have always been in love with him and he with me.

"Aww."

We both recorded songs together which I never got to release. Still, I managed to get my hands on the demos and re-recorded after Aogiri debuted and I launched my solo debut. We even shot a music video for one of those songs years later which happened to be my debut solo single.  Yes that trash mess from the early days does not count ass a proper debut in my book.

Ezreal falls over laughing. This was how he felt about his own debut as well.

Zoro and I hit it off right away the moment we met and we even had a brief sexual encounter. We were friends with benefits at the time before becoming full fledged lovers. More on that later.

There. That was the confirmation about their relationship.

During this time, I met a pretty lady named Charlotte Pudding. Yes, that infamous Pudding. I fell in love with her, thinking she was the cure to my problem. The truth is far more complex than that. You see, Charlotte knew the family I was from and intended to use that to her advantage. I did not notice as I was extremely high at that point in my life. 

She took advantage of that and had sex with me at the strip club. Unbeknownst to me, she had someone secretly film our sexual encounter. What made me to finally break up with her was that that same night immediately after having sex with her and taking her virginity, she was also having sex with my then-so-called best friend Fred in my presence. I quit my job at the strip joint and broke off contact with her. She tried to beg me but I was not having it.

I got checked into rehab and came out sober for a while. It was during this time that an ad for a TV show named Popstars: The Rivals was advertised on TV. Mother encouraged me to audition. At first I was hesitant because of what had just happened but after some nagging from Reiju, I finally agreed and signed up for the show. Little did I know that my life was going to completely change from here on out...

"Damn!!" says Ezreal. That is yet another big bombshell. Around the time Ezreal debuted, Sanji was embroiled in a massive sex tape scandal at the time. Now Sanji has not only confirmed that one but has also given some clear context about what happened. It is disgusting to think that so many people took advantage of him. Just like Ezreal and his own addiction problems. The folks he hung around with at the time did that to him too.

"If Sanji and I ever meet again, we would have a lot to talk about."

[aphroditelovesu]

Deadline - Yandere Taehyung

so I've been working on a little concept of a yandere Taehyung. Could it become a fanfic with like 5 chapters? Or more dependent? Yes, but first I wanted to see if anyone would like it. This one would be like what it would be like, an introduction. Let me know what you think!

TW: yandere themes, stalking, obsessive and possessive behavior, mention of pregnancy, dub-con, torture and implied murder.

Word Count: 823.

By: ~ Lady L 🌸

Taehyung smiled coldly, like a predator looking at its prey. And that was exactly how he felt. Y/N was his prey and he was her terrible predator.

"My, my…" He shook his head disapprovingly. "Do you really think you can escape me? Oh my dear Y/N, when will you finally learn?"

"I-I..." She tried to speak but was interrupted by Kim.

"But I should imagine you're so stupid that even after being punished so many times you wouldn't learn." He was staring at her with such a cold expression that Y/N felt the hairs on her body stand on end. "Tsk, tsk, tsk."

L/N didn't know what was worse, being stuck with the man who destroyed her life or that she was expecting a child from that same man. In her mind, there was no comparison.

"I don't think I punished you enough, angel. Looks like the beatings I gave you in the past weren't enough." Kim's expression was stern, his brow furrowed. The poor girl was in dire straits. "But that ends now."

"NO!" Taehyung was surprised by L/N's sudden outburst. "I can not take it anymore! You don't own me, FUCK! I AM NOT YOUR "ANGEL"!" Y/N took a deep breath before continuing, trying to muster up the courage. "Don't treat me like I'm your possession, because I'm not. The worst day of my life was meeting you and God only knows how I regret accepting that cup of coffee."

Taehyung was silent and still, like a beautiful sculpture in a museum, as he carefully watched the change in his possession behavior.

"How dare you disobey your master?" His posture was calm and cool, he didn't seem irritated, just annoyed.

"You n-" She had been interrupted once more.

"Once again I say: how dare you disobey your master?" His tone was firm, but it still sounded so beautiful to hear. That was what disturbed Y/N the most at that moment, she was shaking with fear, but she still felt attracted to that man. "Didn't your parents teach you not to be rude to your master, angel?"

Y/N felt like her heart stopped. She recognized the tone of voice, the same words she'd heard so many times… It was a threat, even if it didn't seem like it and she knew she was fucked. In every possible way. But Y/N still had one card up her sleeve: her pregnancy. Taehyung is a despicable monster, but he loves children and dreams of having children with his sweetheart, and she knew he wouldn't be able to hurt her if she knew she was pregnant. Or at least that's what she hoped. She took a deep breath before deciding to tell him, "TaeTae…" She began affectionately, using the nickname she knew he loved. "I-I... Well, I'm pregnant!" She finally dropped the bombshell, watching Taehyung's symmetrical face closely, hoping to see any spark of compassion and love.

"I do not believe you." He shot her a furious look. "You're lying to escape your punishment, aren't you, angel?"

"No! It's true Tae, I'm expecting your child. I-I have a blood test to prove it!"

"Where is it?" There was none of the compassion that Y/N expected.

"In my parent's house. In my old room."

"Hmm. Looks like I'll have to pay my in-laws a visit." Y/N's eyes widened.

"Y-You don't have to do this, just believe me. I would never lie about such a thing!" She exclaimed, exasperated.

"And why should I believe you? You tried to escape me. And if what you're saying is true, you tried to take my child away from me and I can't forgive that."

"Y-You... You..."

"Y-You... You..." Taehyung scoffed, even angrier than before. All this talk was getting on his nerves. "Stay still and here. I'm going to my in-laws' house to get the exam and if you're telling the truth... Well, we'll have to deal with that."

"By dealing you mean that-"

"I think you understood very well what I said, princess." And he came out of the basement, where Y/N was trapped.

Y/N sighed and cringed in the corner in fear, knowing there was no point in doing anything else. She just hoped that Taehyung wasn't suggesting she get an abortion, she didn't want to and wouldn't, this was her child and she wouldn't allow any harm to come to him or her. Most of the reason she tried to run away was after finding out she was pregnant, she would never allow her child to grow up with Kim Taehyung. The possessive mobster who has developed an unhealthy obsession with her.

"Y/N why did you have to take the job of investigating Kim Taehyung? If you hadn't accepted none of this would be happening!"

[xiaojunsmintchoco]

Puppy love - osaki shotaro

sooo...i'm finally done with this piece for @tenderfrailty's nuevo comienzo collab! i'm so thankful to every other writer who helped me while i had writer's block to get ideas rolling. thank you to all my followers for supporting my writing on tumblr, i'm so grateful! also, big thank you to @mintkims for helping me make the banner! appreciate it so much!! i hope you'll enjoy this fic, it's quite long (sorry about that). do leave comments if you can! i would really appreciate the feedback!

pairing: osaki shotaro x reader

genres: fluff, romance, slowburn ; childhood friends to lovers, highschool au, animal shelter au

synopsis: as the school year drags on, you find yourself developing new feelings for your childhood best friend, Shotaro. Meanwhile, he goes through a breakup, and while recovering from the fresh heartbreak, he's trying to decide if he should start a new chapter of his life by finding someone new or staying single. while you're both figuring out the confusing feelings in your hearts, school responsibilities pile up. However, the both of you realise your feelings for each other through persevering through school together, volunteering at the animal shelter, a kinda annoying bunch of friends, and two very special dogs.

Word count: 17.6k (this was supposed to be 16k at most…bye)

Warnings: descriptions of toxic relationships, anxiety attacks, mentions of food, kinda mention of a gun?

a/n: this fic starts in about July 2021, and progresses chronologically until January 1st, 2022. (it’s long overdue…sorry about that y’all.)

»»————-----------------------　♡　-----------------------————-««

"Jeez, i'm already sick of school," you whine, dragging your feet that feel heavy as lead behind Shotaro as the both of you walk to the multi-purpose hall, where the weekly student council meeting would be held. "It's only been half a year, but there's so much to do. Student council, band, schoolwork, tuition...the list goes on!" You finish with a sigh of resignation as you walk into the room.

Shotaro chuckles softly after hearing your complaints, but you can tell he's exhausted too, from the dark circles around his eyes, resembling a panda. He has about the same hectic schedules as you, after all. "So am I," he admits while pulling out chairs for both of you. "But we've got each other to go through this together, and that makes it easier," he adds, his characteristic eye smile gracing his features.

You look up at your best friend, and seeing his smile is enough to boost your mood. "Yeah," you say, sitting down and waiting for the meeting to start. "That's not so bad". He then flashes you a wider grin as he turns back to the front.

There was one thing you'd always envied about Shotaro: even if he's not feeling good, he always finds a reason to smile. You'd been best friends with him since childhood, but his personality has never changed; shy and bashful, but optimistic and compassionate to everyone. You liked that about him, it was what made him so precious. Even now, as you're thinking about it, you feel a flutter arise in your heart.

Wait what? What is this feeling? You think to yourself. You tried your best to push the feelings aside as you knew that you guys were just friends. Besides, he already had a girlfriend. It shouldn't be a surprise, with a personality as lovable as his, any girl would fall for him.

Kim Miyoung. Pretty, smart and popular, she was the one every boy in school pined for. Some would follow her around with heart eyes (disgusting, I know). Others dropped small gifts and notes in her locker, hoping to win her heart. Yet, in the end, she fell head over heels for your closest friend, out of every other boy she could have chosen. You remembered when Shotaro first brought you to meet her, he'd introduced you to her as "my best friend". To many people, this was a bombshell as they'd always thought that you and Shotaro would date, if you guys weren't already dating. Yes, that's how close you both were.

As you remember that, a fresh pang of jealousy and sadness comes out of nowhere and stings at your heart, causing you to let out a sigh involuntarily. He's just my friend, so why am I jealous?

You feel someone poking your shoulder. "Y/n? you alright?" Shotaro's soft whisper sounds next to you. Turning, you see him looking at you, worry apparent in his eyes. "I don't think you've sighed this much in one morning before".

You snap out of your daze and put on another smile. "Yeah, I'm fine...just more tired than usual," you half-fib. It was kind of true, after all.

Shotaro nods understandingly, pulls out two sweets from his pocket, and passes one to you. It was the exact brand and flavour that you liked. He always kept some in his pocket specially for you, in case you were in need of a mood boost. That was just one of many habits he had that you found endearing. "Eat this before Mrs Jeong comes in," he mouths as he unwraps his sweet and pops it in his mouth. You do likewise and stuff the wrapper in your pocket just as Mrs Jeong walks in. The councillors stand up, bow, and greet her. She gives us a brief nod in return.

The council president, Taeyong, steps up, along with the council vice-presidents, Kun and Doyoung. "The meeting will please come to order," he declares, and Kun begins to take everyone's attendance. Just like that, another boring council meeting has started.

»»————------------------------　♡　-----------------------————-««

"Hey, congrats Taro!" You heartily congratulate Shotaro after the meeting ends, referring to him by the nickname you'd given him since you were kids. The new members of the student council executive committee had been announced at the meeting, and Shotaro was one of them, which meant he would be running for the position of council president along with four other people.

He beams back at you, returning the high-five. "Thanks," he says. "I'll do my best to serve in whatever role I'm given. I wish you were chosen too though".

You dismiss him with a wave of your hand. "Heck, I'm grateful that I wasn't selected! No extra responsibilities for me," you reason with him.

"Good point," Shotaro muses with a small laugh as you both stroll into the classroom. "Less responsibility, more time for other things".

You take your seats at the assigned desks. "My place or yours later?" you ask as you get your stationery out. Every day after school, you would go to each other's house to study and do homework, and just hang out and chill when you were done. It had been a custom for the both of you since elementary school, unless one of you had after school activities. On weekends, the others from your friend group would join. Sometimes, you'd even have sleepovers with them, which always resulted in lots of laughs together.

"Mine's open," Shotaro replies as you continue digging for your worksheets in your file. As soon as you find your homework, Mr Moon arrives, and greets the class before beginning lessons.

"Before I start, I want to announce this to the class," Mr Moon said, flashing a notice onto the projector. "The school has started a new initiative to give students the opportunity to lend a helping hand to others. In two weeks' time, everyone will have to begin doing volunteer service".

Audible groans fill the classroom. "I understand that you all already have a lot on your plates, but try to take this seriously, okay?" Mr Moon continues, attempting to empathise with the class. "Take this as an opportunity to practice compassion. Also, the more volunteer hours you serve, the more points you'll have when the hours get converted to points. The points will show up on your portfolio, and they will come in useful when you apply to other schools in the future, or when applying for a job. I encourage you all to find a few friends to volunteer with for causes you're passionate about, that will make it more enjoyable. Remember, a few hours of volunteer work on your part could mean so much to the beneficiaries," Mr Moon concludes. "Okay, now that's out of the way, let's get to the lesson. Today we will learn about..." however, you're barely paying attention. Instead, your mind is wandering, thinking of places to volunteer at. That is, until Shotaro kindly brings you back to the real world, forcing you to focus.

»»————-----------------------　♡　-----------------------————-««

"Do you want to volunteer together?" you ask Shotaro as you're waiting for your orders to be finished. You're both at Starbucks after school, ordering coffee to fuel your study session later. Year-end exams are happening in a few months, and you both cannot afford to fall asleep while studying.

"Of course! Miyoung will be volunteering with her friends anyway". He answers. At that moment, the barista calls your names, and you go to collect your orders. Meanwhile, for some reason, you're secretly celebrating that Miyoung won't be volunteering with him.

Shuffling out of Starbucks, Shotaro sips his coffee thoughtfully. "Is there any particular cause you have in mind?" he asks.

Tilting your head to the side, you give it some thought. "Not really," you admit. "I'd be happy to volunteer anywhere".

Shotaro falls silent for a while, and you swear you can hear the gears in his brain beginning to turn. Suddenly, his eyes light up. "I know! What about the animal shelter?" he proposes, turning to you, eyes wide with excitement. He knew that you both liked animals, and that animal welfare was something you're both passionate about. After all, he'd adopted a dog from the shelter before, and you'd rescued a cat from the streets before.

"Sure, let's go!"

The both of you skip to the shelter together like children, ignoring the stares from strangers. You'd done so many crazy things together throughout your friendship, this was nothing new.

When you reach the animal shelter, Shotaro pushes you in front. Knowing this is your cue to step up, you walk up to the counter. Realising that no one is there, you ring the bell. "Coming!" a male voice answers, and seconds later a boy with the thickest eyebrows you've seen rushes out. "Hi, how can I help?" he enquires with a friendly smile, and your eyes land on his nametag: Xiao Dejun.

"Hello, we would like to volunteer at this shelter," you say as politely as you can, gesturing to Shotaro.

"We'll be able to do so weekly, every Saturday morning". Shotaro finishes for you.

"Oh! That's fantastic, we really do need more volunteers," Dejun replies, clearly thrilled at the prospect of having new members onboard the team. "How old are you guys?" he questions further.

"We're 17," you respond.

"Okay that's great! You're old enough to volunteer," Dejun confirms with you as he gets out two application forms and a pen, and hands them to us. "You just have to fill this up, and you're good to go!"

As soon as you're both done scribbling your details on the form, you pass them back to Dejun, who briefly scans them and nods approvingly. "Great! I'll just have to get this approved by the shelter owner, and if all goes well, you guys can start this Saturday!"

Thanking Dejun, you both leave the shelter and proceed to Shotaro's house. "This Saturday! I can't wait," you squeal excitedly, thinking of all the adorable animals you'd get to work with.

"I know right! It's gonna be such fun!" Shotaro responds with equal enthusiasm, looking forward to the experience as well.

The two of you continue to banter on the way to his house. Upon arrival, you greet his mum and siblings and make your way upstairs to his room.

"Do you both want lunch?" His mum knocks the door, enters, and asks the both of you. You'd been coming over so often, his family was used to it already. His mum would even cook lunch for you whenever you came.

"Yes, please," Shotaro answers. "For both of us". She nods and leaves as Shotaro tells her "thanks".

"What are you gonna start on first?" You ask him, taking out your stationery and books.

"I'll start with Mathematics first. Get the hardest subject over and done with," he makes up his mind after a few seconds of thinking.

"Okay, I'll do that too then. We can help each other out," you add as he nods.

A few hours pass, and you look up to see Shotaro on his phone, typing busily on his phone, a small smile on his face. "Is it Miyoung?" You ask, and he nods, still typing. Usually, when you asked him questions about his girlfriend you would genuinely smile together with him, satisfied that he is happy with the girl he is with now. But today, your smile felt slightly manufactured, and mixed with the feelings of joy was a hint of sourness.

"Yep, it is," he replies, fingers still furiously working their way across the screen. "She's asked me on a date tomorrow," he explains.

"That's nice," you respond as the sour feeling seeps through your heart, further contaminating the joy that it now holds. "Where are you guys going?"

"We'll be at the park near school, having a picnic". He answers your question, then puts down his phone, with the same smile on his face. "I can't wait. It's been a while since we've been on a date together, so I'm glad we finally get to have one again".

"Didn't you ask her out many times previously?" you raise an eyebrow, finding it suspicious. She'd never rejected his invitations to go on dates, and if she had something on she'd always do her best to get it rescheduled, whether by hook or by crook.

"She said she was busy. I didn't want to bother her, so I told her to contact me when she's free," he says.

"I see," you hum, wanting to dismiss it as just that. Yet, for some reason, you can't seem to silence the alarm bells going off in your head. Shaking your head to try to ignore them, you look down at your assignment again, trying to get back to work.

However, you didn't realise that his smile was just the slightest bit forced as well, with a tinge of uneasiness in it.

»»————-----------------------　♡　-----------------------————-««

Saturday finally arrives, and it's time for you and Shotaro's first day of volunteer work, following Dejun's message to you both saying that your applications had been accepted. You'd agreed to meet Shotaro at his house at 7: 45 AM and head to the shelter together. Bounding up the steps, you press the doorbell and wait for him to open the door. "Coming!" Sure enough, you hear his voice from inside the house, and the thumping of footsteps. Following a "bye" to his parents and siblings, he opens up the door and greets you with his usual cheery tone, and you both are ready to set off.

There's a spring in both of your steps, instead of the usual tired dragging of feet. "I hope we'll get to play with them!" Shotaro gushes excitedly.

"I hope we'll get to walk the dogs!" you chime in, your own exhilaration taking over you as you continue down the path faster.

Upon arrival, Dejun is already waiting for the both of you at the counter. "Hi! Shotaro and y/n, correct?" You both nod eagerly. "Nice! I'm Xiao Dejun, but you can call me Xiaojun". He introduces himself. "I'll give you a tour of the shelter, brief you on your responsibilities for today, and you'll be good to go. Before that, do change into this". He tosses two volunteer T-shirts to both of you, and directs you to the washrooms to change.

When you both are done, Xiaojun gives you your volunteer badges before leading you both on a tour of the shelter. After that, he gives instructions on your different duties, such as how much food to give, how to clean the animals' living areas and how to properly handle the animals. "I think our first duty is to walk dogs together," he informs you both. "Let's get the leashes, and then we can go!"

With that, you all locate the storeroom and get the leashes, and then make your way over to the "Dog Dorm" to get the dogs. You successfully clip the leashes to every dog's collar, except for one, a shy Maltese, whose dog tag reads "Cloud". "Cloud, hey, over here". You try to coax the dog over again, but it walks forward a few steps, and then shies away again, whining.

A bark rings through the enclosed space. Turning, you see that a Samoyed puppy Shotaro is holding is gazing at Cloud with its boba eyes, tongue hanging out of its mouth. It barks again, as if beckoning her over. The Maltese trots to the Samoyed and nuzzles against him. "Hey Cloud, come here," Xiaojun calls softly. You turn around, and see him gesturing to the dog, treats in hand. She slowly goes over to him and eats the treats gently. "She's quite shy. She needs time to get used to strangers," Xiaojun explains. "She was like this with me at first too. But you should be able to bond with her after some time, pets and lots of treats. She's actually really sweet," a fond smile makes its way onto his face as he ruffles her fur affectionately. "Let's go!"

Xiaojun strikes up a conversation with both of you, and you all get to know each other better. You find out that he's in his final year at high school, wants to study veterinary medicine after graduation, and that his mum owns the shelter, and has a degree in veterinary medicine. Meanwhile, he found out that you wanted to study (insert course), while Shotaro wished to study to become a dance teacher, and he encouraged you both to work towards your dreams as well.

You get back to the shelter after the 1-hour walk, and get the dogs back into their enclosures. "Will you both be able to handle the dogs' baths yourselves?" he asks, ensuring that you both would be okay with the next task. "I'd stay and help, but another volunteer needs assistance with an injured rabbit".

"We'll be fine," Shotaro replies, and gives a thumbs-up sign. "We should be able to handle this".

"Okay, if you need anything, just text or call me, okay?" Xiaojun instructs, and then rushes off in the direction of the Rabbit Run.

Heading into the storeroom, you both get out a tub, the dog shampoos and volunteer smocks (because you both know most dogs shake the water out of their fur like there's no tomorrow after a bath and you'd rather not be drenched), and bring the stuff out into the backyard, then connect the hose to a tap nearby. You both work like a factory line, with Shotaro shampooing the dogs' fur while you dry them off, you get the dogs clean faster than you expected. All except Cloud.

"What do we do?" you sigh exasperatedly, looking to Shotaro for help since he's more experienced with dogs. "I can't coax her over".

Shotaro brings out a few treats, and slowly approaches her the way Xiaojun did. "Hey," he softly calls, stopping a few feet away from her and holding out the treats. She cautiously trots to him, sniffs at the treats in his hand, and gently nibbles at them. He lets her sniff him a bit more before petting her. "Good girl," he whispers to her.

You gawk at him. "Are you some dog whisperer or something?" you ask incredulously, blown away by his ability to get Cloud to approach him. "Because I swear, I don't know what magic you use to get Cloud to come to you so easily". You'd tried tempting her with treats earlier, but that failed.

"I'm just better with dogs than you," he jokingly brags as he settles Cloud into the bathtub and begins to shampoo her fur gently.

"Tsk, showoff," you scoff.

His only response is to laugh, which you've grown to find music to your ears as you find it adorable. He's so cute when he laughs, a thought enters your head, slowly causing a smile to spread across your face.

Focus on the dog! A voice in your head chides you as Shotaro hands Cloud to you. You look down and pretend to busy yourself with drying her off, hoping that he doesn't pick up on your flustered state. But you don't realise that he quickly busies himself with packing up the cleaning supplies to avoid you seeing his pink-tinted cheeks.

"These might be useful". He taps your shoulder, takes some dog treats out of his pocket and hands them to you. Sure enough, they come in handy as you distract her with the treats while towel drying her fur. You're actually glad that she's more docile and tame than the other dogs, or else you would be having a very hard time right now. And although you didn't mention it, you were really glad that you had Shotaro to help you - maybe more than just glad.

Finishing the cleanup, you check your phones, referring to Xiaojun's message to see what else is left for both of you. Your next task is to refill all the animals' food bowls and water bottles. Simple yet time consuming, considering the number of animals that were living in the shelter.

"Xiaojun's in the training area," Shotaro tells you as soon you're finished feeding the animals. "He says we can head over and observe the training sessions".

Both of you sprint to the training area, where Xiaojun is giving commands to the Samoyed Shotaro was walking earlier. "He looks like Jeno," Shotaro points out, making you laugh as you begin to see the uncanny resemblance between the dog and your mutual friend. You snap a picture of the dog, reminding yourself to send it to the group chat and tease Jeno later.

"Very good!" Xiaojun compliments the puppy, giving it a treat and scratching it behind the ears. The pup gives a happy bark, panting excitedly with his tongue hanging out of his mouth, and the sight is enough to make everyone's hearts melt. Xiaojun then looks up, beckoning you both over. He hands Shotaro a clicker, and gives you a bag of dog treats. "This is Jake. He's a five month old Samoyed," Xiaojun explains. "You can try giving him a few simple commands, like 'sit', 'stay'...you know, the usual. If he does the tricks correctly, you press on the clicker and then give him a treat. If not, repeat the command and see if he does it right," he instructs. "Give it a try! Jake's very friendly," he grins.

"You can go first," Shotaro passes you the clicker.

"No, you go first," you say and push the clicker back into his hand. "I'd like to see you demonstrate first before I try," you reason. "Who was bragging about being better with dogs earlier?" You take the chance to tease him, and he groans.

"Alright, alright," Shotaro concedes and takes the clicker. "N-no need to remind me".

Was that a light blush you saw on his cheeks?

And was that a stutter?

You dismiss the fleeting thought, watching as he proceeds to give Jake all sorts of simple commands, which he has no problem following. "Your turn," he says, passing you the clicker and treats.

You take the items from Shotaro and get ready to train the pup. "Jake, sit". Jake immediately gets into a sitting position. "Roll over". He drops to the floor and rolls over. As you give him more commands, he obediently follows them all, and you realise how well-trained the Samoyed puppy is. "Good boy!" you compliment Jake wholeheartedly, patting him on the head.

Xiaojun smiles at the sight. As you're about to go through another round of commands with Jake, a whine sounds from not far away. Turning, you see Cloud run over to Jake, who barks excitedly upon seeing Cloud. She nuzzles up next to him as he sniffs her all over. "Oh yes, I'll have to train Cloud; she needs more specialised training so I'll have to spend more time with her. Have fun training Jake!" he waves and gestures to Cloud to come with him. "Remember to check out when you leave". You say goodbye to Xiaojun and continue playing with Jake, until it's time for both of you to leave.

On the way home, you both continue making small talk with each other until you're at Shotaro's doorstep. "Wanna come over later?" he asks you. "Miyoung cancelled our date plans. I can ask the other guys to come as well".

You frown. "This is like the millionth time she's cancelled a date with you. What's up?" you question, feeling like something was up.

Shotaro shrugs in response. "She said she's busy again".

"What's she so busy with?" you press for answers.

"I'm not sure," Shotaro replies. "But I don't blame her, we're all getting busier anyway," he adds, and you know that he's got a valid point.

"Alright then. I'll go home, freshen up, and then come over," you say.

"Okay! See you guys later," Shotaro waves to you with a bright smile, opening his door and stepping in.

He's so cute and pure, you think to yourself. Miyoung better be treating him right. At the same time, a dull ache in your heart makes itself known, and you can't seem to shake it off.

»»————-----------------------　♡　-----------------------————-««

"So, we'll all be part of the band committee together!" Donghyuck exclaims excitedly, putting his drumsticks into his bag and hurrying out of the band room with you and Renjun as soon as you've all finished tidying up the band room. "I can't wait to start!"

Both of you laugh at Donghyuck's enthusiasm. "Me too," Renjun admits, packing his euphonium into its case. "I think we'll make a great team!"

"We do have really good chemistry, after all," you chuckle in agreement with them, slinging the flute case around your shoulder. You were merely feigning excitement; in reality you wished that you did not have to take on this role. So much for not having extra responsibilities! At least you were given the least stressful role, the Band Major Admin (BMA). Poor Renjun got the most stressful role, Band Major Music (BMM). He would have to know music better than all his bandmates and serve as the main communication channel between the band and the conductors. Donghyuck would be Drum Major (DM), in charge of the band's welfare and discipline (to be honest, neither you nor Renjun can visualise him keeping the band under control).

"That's why our ensemble performances together are always outstanding!" Donghyuck adds. "We're the best team! With us leading, NCIT Band will never fail!"

You and Renjun continue to laugh at the pumped-up Donghyuck. Once out of school, all of you turn on your phones. Renjun and Donghyuck immediately begin celebrating in the groupchat you have with Jaemin, Jeno, Yangyang and Shotaro. In order for them to not be suspicious of you, you leave a few celebratory messages of your own in the group chat as well. Sighing, you exit the group chat and private message Shotaro.

You: shotaro

You: i really don't want this role 〒_〒

Shotaro: why though? it's a good thing!

You: i didn't want extra responsibilities and stress remember

You: now here I am with this stupid role

You: at least renjun and donghyuck can suffer with me

Shotaro: hahaha yeah, i saw you guys celebrating in the group chat

Shotaro: you celebrated too cuz you didn't want them to suspect that you were stressed over the role amirite

You: omg you know me too well

Shotaro: ofc i've known you since we were literal babies pls

Shotaro: but anyway always remember that you've got ppl to fall back on in times when you're troubled or stressed

Shotaro: myself included ^-^

Shotaro: and since renjun and donghyuck are leading with you, i'm sure they'll be willing to support you too!

Shotaro: and i'll do my best to help you out too <3

You: thanks bro <3

You look at the text conversation, smiling to yourself. Why is he so cute? You begin screaming mentally as your heart rate increases to about 160 beats per minute.

"Hey! Earth to y/n!" Haechan waves his hand in front of your face as you're jerked back to reality.

"What?" you snap. "Oops, sorry, I didn't mean to snap," you quickly put your hands over your mouth and apologize. "I was startled".

Donghyuck rolls his eyes. "You and Shotaro must have been flirting with each other again," he clucks disapprovingly and shakes his head. "Anyway, wanna get bubble tea with us? We're heading to the shop nearby".

"I was NOT flirting with him! He has a girlfriend," you raise your voice defensively at Donghyuck. "I was just texting him. We're just friends. And yes, let's go".

We're just friends, the words echo in your mind painfully, as if mocking you and reminding you that that was all that you and Shotaro would be.

»»————-----------------------　♡　-----------------------————-««

Back at the shelter, you and Shotaro have finished with your duties, and you're sitting in the yard, playing with the dogs again. You'd met many animals, all lovable in their own ways, but two particular dogs found themselves a special place in you and Shotaro's hearts: Jake and Cloud. Not only were their individual personalities adorable, their friendship together was something you found precious as well.

You're watching them play in the backyard after volunteer duties are over, as Jake tackles Cloud to the ground. Cloud growls back playfully, trying to get back up and fight back against Jake. The sight reminds you of how you and Shotaro would play fight (with boundaries of course) at times, putting a smile on your face.

"You know, Jake reminds me a lot of you". Shotaro states out of the blue.

"And why would that be?" you query, genuinely curious as to why Shotaro thought that way.

"You're both naturally very outgoing, and enjoy the company of people," he says as both dogs come over to you both, with Jake gravitating towards Shotaro and Cloud to you. "Not only that, you're both very sweet," he finishes, lovingly patting Jake on the head and giving him a treat.

"Really? You know, Cloud reminds me of you too," you say softly, reaching out to pat the dog in question.

"Eh? Why?" His dark brown eyes widen in surprise, and you giggle at his astonished expression.

"Remember how shy Cloud was?" you ask as he bobs his head up and down earnestly. "You were the same," you remind him, referring to the memory of your first meeting. You recall when you and your mum went to greet the new neighbours. There little Shotaro was, clinging on to his mother's leg, peering at you as his inquisitive eyes shone, reflecting curiosity and nervousness.

"Oh yeah, I remember when I first met you when my family first moved in. I was hiding behind my mother because I was so scared to come and meet you," he finishes for you, chortling at the memory. "You had to come take my hand and invite me to play with you".

"Isn't that similar to Cloud? She was super shy, and she needed Jake to bring her out of her shell," you point out.

Shotaro's mouth forms an "o" as he realises what you mean. "Like how you had to bring me out of mine," he adds.

"But," you continue. "She's really sweet once you get to know her. Cloud ignored me initially. It's like how when I first talked to you, you barely even gave me a reply!" you recall more memories of that day as Shotaro's face flushes red at the memory of how he'd unintentionally ignored you. "I have to admit, I thought you were rude at first. But you turned out to be one of the sweetest people I've ever met," you say to him honestly, stopping to tease him about how the tips of his ears had turned a shade of red at the compliment, which only serves to make him more flustered. Since young, he'd always get embarrassed when he received compliments, and you found it adorable. "When Cloud finally opened up, I found her absolutely lovable. She's just like you, shy but sweet". You turn to Cloud and pat her as she whines, then pick her up and place her on your lap.

He smiles wider, pearly whites coming into view as you continue. "Dare I say, we've become as close as Jake and Cloud".

"We really have," he agrees as Jake climbs onto his lap, tongue hanging out of his mouth. He then touches his nose against Cloud's, and the both of you can't stop the "awws" that come out of your mouths at the heart-melting sight. "It's been so long since we've known each other".

"Yeah it's been like, twelve years?" you splutter with uncertainty, trying to recall when you'd first met him. "We've been friends for so long".

"Yeah, best friends," he adds, smiling softly. "I'm so grateful to have you as my friend".

"Me too," you manage to stutter out. You know you should be happy and satisfied with the fact that you had managed to build up and maintain such a precious friendship for twelve long years, yet your heart yearns for more. To bring your relationship to the next level and let it grow into something more. To be more than just his best friend. However, you know that another girl has his heart now. Even if that wasn't the case, would you even have the courage to tell him how you felt? To get all this off your chest?

You let out an inaudible sigh, knowing that the answer was no. You weren't his, neither was he yours.

»»————-----------------------　♡　-----------------------————-««

It's been a while since you'd been volunteering at the shelter together with Shotaro. Throughout the course of the volunteer programme, you've both grown a lot closer, and you found yourself catching butterflies more and more around him. However, you don't know what to make of it.

Gosh, why do feelings have to be so confusing? That's the only thought resonating in your mind as you're playing with a beagle in the backyard of the shelter. "Fetch, Bella!" You command, throwing a red ball to the other end of the yard. Bella yelps, jumps up and runs off in search of the ball, before returning it to you. "Good girl!"

Further off, Shotaro is playing with Jake and Cloud, who are playing tug-of-war with a chew toy, while Shotaro seems to be very immersed in watching the mini competition. His pearly whites are in clear view as he laughs, while his eyes, which are riveted on the dogs, are slightly squinted into the eye smile you'd grown to find so familiar and lovable. The sunlight bounced off his hazel brown irises, turning them into pools of honey. Cute, you think to yourself, a smile growing onto your face.

Bella's whining snaps you out of your daze. "Oh sorry!" you exclaim, knowing what she wants. Picking up the red ball, you hurl it to the other end of the yard again, and off Bella goes again, in pursuit of her ball.

"That's the dog Yangyang wants," Shotaro's voice sounds next to you. Turning around, you see him approaching you, both dogs by his side.

"Oh, so this is the dog he kept talking about during lunch yesterday," it dawns on you. Yangyang had been gushing about a dog he was looking to adopt yesterday at lunch, talking about how cute it was and how his parents loved it too. He'd agreed to let all of you play with her from time to time.

"Speak of the devil," you say as you both swivel your head towards Yangyang, who is being led over to the backyard by Xiaojun.

"Hi!" you both heartily greet your close friend with a high-five and fist bump.

"You guys know my cousin?" Xiaojun asks, watching the interaction between the three of you take place in front of him.

"Wait, you're his cousin?" Shotaro asks, surprise taking over his features.

"Didn't I tell you I have a cousin who volunteers at the animal shelter?" Yangyang reminds both of you. "I was referring to him".

"It's a small world," you say, still letting the information sink in.

"Yangyang's in our friend group at school. We're all close friends," Shotaro answers as he gives Yangyang a side hug enthusiastically.

"Yeah, though I think y/n and Shotaro act more like lovers than friends," Yangyang adds, lips twisting into a playful smirk as Xiaojun bursts into laughter.

"We're not! We're just friends!" Both you and Shotaro shout in unison, denying what Yangyang just said about the both of you. Unknowingly, by doing so, both of you shot arrows of dull pain through each other's hearts as you left the other wondering if that was all you both were.

"Sure," Xiaojun replies, rolling his eyes jokingly. He'd grown close enough to you guys to tease you too. "I'll believe that when you stop flirting while doing volunteer duties".

"What did we do?" you groan.

"For starters, when we're training the dogs, I always catch the both of you staring at each other," Xiaojun begins.

"We do that?" Shotaro blurts, a light hue of pink beginning to cover his cheeks. However, you don't notice.

"Yeah you do! They're always staring at each other in school too!" Yangyang pipes up. "Even when our friend group goes out! Like they can't keep their eyes to themselves!"

Xiaojun laughs again. "And then, when we walk the dogs, I always hear you both discussing plans with each other," he continues with Yangyang's loud guffaws in the background. "As if you guys are planning dates". He ensures that he emphasises on the last word, wiggling his bushy eyebrows.

"Best friend dates," you add on to what Xiaojun said. "We've been so close since childhood, of course we'd hang out together more often," you argue as Shotaro nods emphatically.

Yangyang rolls his eyes. "Whatever. Anyway, you can't convince me that there's nothing between you guys". He folded his arms, as if to prove his point, and you watch with mild irritation as Xiaojun does the same.

"He has a girlfriend". Pointing at Shotaro, you remind Yangyang of that fact.

"Doesn't mean much," Yangyang shrugs nonchalantly.

"Whatever. Let them figure things out themselves, okay? You still have adoption papers to sign," Xiaojun says with a dramatic eye roll, clipping the leash to Bella's collar and leading Yangyang away to sign the adoption papers.

As you and Shotaro say goodbye to them, you're both left shaking your heads in disbelief. However, their words make you realise how you've felt towards Shotaro for so long. You make a mental note to set a time to talk to your cousin and ask her for advice on what to do in this confusing situation.

»»————-----------------------　♡　-----------------------————-««

"Like, I seriously don't know what's wrong with me!" You huff, using your legs to gently push yourself on the swing, while your cousin, Hyojung, listens to your rant patiently. You managed to get her to meet you at the park to talk through your confusing feelings. "I've been friends with Shotaro since childhood, but never in the course of our friendship have I ever felt this way! I'm probably going crazy".

Hyojung listens attentively, grunting sympathetically from time to time. "y/n, I need to ask you something, and I want you to answer honestly".

You sit upright, looking straight at Hyojung, who's on the swing next to you. "Have you ever thought of him as more than a friend? Or wished that you could be something other than friends with him?"

The question catches you off-guard, and your heart skips a beat. "Wha-"

"y/n." Hyojung gazes at you with her classic motherly look and says your name with an equally motherly tone to match. "You can be honest, I won't judge you".

You fall silent again, thinking of all the times that you've felt that pang of jealousy when Shotaro mentioned Miyoung, when you watched them go on dates and wished that you were Miyoung instead, or when you prayed that Miyoung and Shotaro would cancel their dates. When you recall all the times that you wished it was you instead of Miyoung going on a date with him, you know the answer to your question. "Well...yes," you answer, slightly embarrassed as you look down, scratching the back of your neck.

Hyojung nods understandingly. "You're probably crushing on him then," she concludes casually, and your heart almost stops again.

"Wha- I can't- he's dating someone though!" you protest, wide-eyed.

"You can," Hyojung points out, and you freeze momentarily and go back to listening to her. "You can't control feelings, can you?"

You nod slowly, uncertain of the point she's trying to prove.

"What I'm saying is, feeling this way is completely normal, especially since you've known him for so long," she continues, giving her swing a light push again. "Plus, he's really sweet and gentlemanly, it won't be hard to fall for him".

You almost forget that Shotaro was so close to you, he'd met practically your whole family. "I guess," you sigh as your face falls.

"y/n, it's okay to have these feelings," she reassures you gently, squeezing your shoulder comfortingly. "What I'd suggest is to keep them to yourself for now. Observe his next steps carefully. If he shows signs that he's returning your feelings as well, then go ahead and tell him. If not, try your best to move on," she advises, and you slowly nod, taking in all the information.

"Alright, thanks Hyo," you answer and shoot her a grateful smile.

"No problem, y/n. Don't worry about it, the universe has it all planned out," she says, winking at you. "Now, wanna go get milkshakes? We could go to my house to hang out after this".

"Sure!" You'd never say no to a refreshing, sweet milkshake any day.

The universe has it all planned out. Hyojung's wise words echo in your mind as you let them sink in while walking to the milkshake shop with her. If you were meant to be with Shotaro, then it would come to pass. If not, you'd somehow find a way out of this sticky situation you were in.

»»————-----------------------　♡　-----------------------————-««

As the year progresses, stress begins mounting due to the increasing workload dumped on you by frantic teachers and your new responsibilities as BMA. Moreover, the butterflies inside of you that would go crazy around Shotaro do not serve to help at all, instead adding to your increasing stress and throwing you into confusion.

You're aware that the year isn't getting any easier for your friend either. Ever since he'd been voted in as council president, his responsibilities multiplied faster than any of you had expected. On top of that, his schoolwork and tuition classes had increased (due to his somewhat paranoid parents), and he also had responsibilities as student choreographer in his dance club. Not to mention, he had younger siblings to look after too.

Because you're both aware of the increasing amounts of stress each other face, you try to share each others' burdens, as any best friend would. Shotaro tries his best to help you with subjects that are not exactly your strong suit. You're kinda grateful for the stressful period, as it allows you both to form a stronger bond, whether it was while helping each other out with assignments, complaining about the amount of work you had to do, or listening to each other vent about their stresses. Of course, playing with the animals at the shelter every week also helped you both to unwind, especially Cloud and Jake. Their sweet friendship was really the spitting image of the one between you and Shotaro. They'd be wholesome one moment, and then playfully teasing each other the next. Xiaojun had also kindly allowed you and Shotaro to drop by anytime you felt overly stressed. Not only would he allow you to play with the animals to destress, he would also lend a listening ear as you both vented about the stresses you were facing, and provide encouragement and advice after. Even if he was feeling stressed over finals, he'd assure you both that it was alright to rant to him. You'd both grown closer to him, and you trusted him just like you trusted Hyojung.

However, though all of this was good, it also intensified the feelings you had for Shotaro, as you still struggle to tame the butterflies in your stomach at the way he thanks you when you help him plan a composition, or the palpitations of your heart when he shoots you that adorable smile.

When you couldn't handle the stress and fell sick for three days, he still dropped by your house with food, homework and notes he'd taken for you, although you'd protested against it as you didn't want him to fall sick too. If you were feeling up to it, he'd give you a short tutoring session. Before he left, he'd nag you to take your medicines again.

You were immensely grateful to him, knowing that without his help, you'd be seriously behind the rest of the class. In return, you try to help him with student council matters and babysitting. Whatever you were able to help with, you'd jump in and help him, and he did the same for you too, willingly.

You also knew that his relationship with Miyoung had hit a rocky patch. Though you were admittedly still jealous, you did your best to support him through the trying time. However, what you weren't aware of was the extent of how bad it had become. Shotaro realised that Miyoung never really texted him as much anymore. While he understood that she was busy, he noticed that she was only texting him when she needed something from him, be it help with a subject or extra money. Adding on to that, she'd grown harsher with him. If he'd unintentionally pissed her off, she'd use the harshest of words to scold him. Most of this stuff wasn't anything anyone would scold their friend for, and it wasn't even like he'd made a mistake either. Heck, she'd scold him for being an uncaring and selfish boyfriend just because he said he was stressed out or busy, and would get back to her later. It really bothered him.

In addition to that, he didn't know why his heart would flutter nonstop around you too, or why he'd sometimes find himself getting flustered when you spoke to him, even if you'd just asked him something simple like where both of you should go to eat lunch. It threw him into confusion mixed with a twinge of guilt. After all, he did have a girlfriend.

He didn't want to burden anyone, so he didn't share much about this issue with any of his friends, even you, and tried to keep it to himself. However, it was affecting him quite a bit, and you and your friends are eagle-eyed to spot the changes in his mood.

"Bro, you alright?" Donghyuck asks at your lunch table one day, directing the question to Shotaro, who seems more down than usual. The bags under his eyes seem to have been inked out with a pen, and his eyes have lost their usual cheerful glow. Not to mention, he's clammed up a lot more.

"Yeah," he replies, looking up and managing a half-smile. However, that does little to ease any of your worries. Where was the bright smile all of you loved so much?

"You seem so down lately, Taro," Jaemin points out, concern reflected in his gaze.

"I'm just stressed, that's all," he answers back.

"You know that you can come to us for help anytime, right?" you say, putting a hand on his shoulder.

He nods weakly, smiling half-heartedly again. "I will, thanks," he whispers.

However, the stress soon catches up to him, and soon after you've recovered, he announces in the group chat one day that the flu bug had bitten him too. You owe him one after he took such meticulous care of you, so now, it's your turn to do the same for him.

"Wow, y/n and Shotaro are so close, they share everything. Even germs," Renjun jokes at the table, causing everyone to cackle loudly, when you bring up Shotaro's illness, and the fact that he'll be off school for a week.

Rolling your eyes, you scoff. "Very funny, Jun," you spit, tone laced with sarcasm.

"Seriously though," Donghyuck whines from his end of the table. "When will you tell him how you feel? It's been ages, y/n," he complains.

You feel your heart stop at the question. "W-what do y-you mean how I f-feel?" you stutter, failing to keep your cool.

Yangyang rolls his eyes and sighs dramatically. "Come on, y/n," he groans. "Don't think that we're unaware of your little crush on your childhood best friend".

"What crush?" You continue trying to play it cool, feigning indifference. "It's not like I-"

"Don't lie, y/n," Jaemin cuts you off. "We've known each other since high school started, we can read you like an open book".

"The signs are so obvious, even I can see it," Jeno speaks up. "And we all know I'm the most oblivious here". It was a fact, given that he didn't even know that his past crush, who is now his current girlfriend, liked him until she confessed two years later, despite so many obvious signs from her. "I don't know how Shotaro hasn't picked up on them".

You raise up your hands in surrender, knowing that there was no point in arguing with the friends you'd known for so long. Not as long as you'd known Shotaro, but still long enough to forge a bond thick as thieves. "Okay, okay, fine, I do like him," you admit as you feel your cheeks burn. "But I don't plan to do anything about it. He probably doesn't even like me back". You shrug, trying to feign indifference when in reality, it felt like you'd gotten the tiniest paper cut on your heart. So small, but it stung so much.

Jeno groans and throws his hands up, exasperated. "Oh please, the way he stares at you? Do you really not notice?"

"He has a girlfriend…" you remind them, thinking that they had forgotten.

As soon as you mention his girlfriend, groans and yells of protest go up around your table, starting a mini uproar. "Kim Miyoung? Really?" Renjun scoffs.

"She's been treating him like shit!" Yangyang adds passionately, eyes burning with rage.

"Who in their right mind would scold their boyfriend just for saying he's stressed?" Jaemin continues, brows furrowed in fury.

"I don't think he's even in love with her anymore," Jeno adds. "We've been trying to get him to break up with her, but he's still with her only because he's too scared to break up".

The boys continue to each give a piece of their mind about Miyoung, but Donghyuck remains dead silent throughout. "Um...I'm not sure how to tell you guys this, but...you've gotta see this".

A hush falls over the usually boisterous group at the table, and all five of you crowd expectantly around Donghyuck's phone. He draws up a picture, and as he zooms in, all of you gasp in unison. "Don't tell me that's-"

"That's Miyoung". Donghyuck confirms as he cuts Yangyang off, nodding his head solemnly. "I was passing by, and so happened to witness this".

"Is she- kissing another guy?" Jaemin asks, jaw dropping in disbelief.

"Wow, she was shitty, but I never thought she'd stoop so low and cheat on him," Jeno says scornfully as he rolls his eyes.

"That's low even for her," Renjun agrees.

Meanwhile, you're boiling inside. How could she do such a disgusting thing? You knew that if you'd managed to get with someone as sweet as Shotaro, thoughts of cheating would never, ever cross your mind. "That's not cool," you deadpan, trying to stay calm despite the raging storm inside of your heart now.

"I think he's been so stressed because Miyoung's been manipulating him for so long," Renjun guesses. "Adding on to that, he's got school, student council, dance club, tuition and the animal shelter".

"We've gotta force him to break up with her, before his relationship gets more toxic than it already is," you declare. You're not about to watch your best friend get sucked deeper into a raging whirlpool of a toxic relationship only to be taken advantage of, stepped on, and eventually drowned.

"I don't know how we're gonna do that though…" Jaemin's voice trails off.

"Look, we have a whole week to think about it. Let's use the time wisely," Donghyuck decides as grunts of approval sound all around the table.

»»————-----------------------　♡　-----------------------————-««

A week later, Shotaro returns to school, visibly much more well-rested. You'd been popping by his house every day throughout the week with his homework and warm food for him, filling him in on what he'd missed if he felt well enough, or simply keeping him company. "Hi guys! I've missed you all," he chirps as soon as he sits down at the table with your usual clique. Soon, your table is back to its usual chaotic state, as everyone seems to be in a good mood. That is, until…

"Shotaro...I'm really sorry but, you need to know this". Donghyuck interrupts the cheerful banter, pulling out his phone.

"Is it something serious…?" Shotaro questions as an uncomfortable silence once again falls over the table, and the atmosphere becomes tenser than a stretched-out rubber band.

"Well, yes," Jeno states, having caught Donghyuck's drift.

Without saying another word, Donghyuck shoves his phone under Shotaro's nose. You catch the way his jaw drops to the ground, and how his hand flies to his mouth. "No way…" he whispers, shock written all over his face.

"Hyuck caught her cheating in 4K," Yangyang says as Donghyuck lowers his phone. "You have to break up with her, Taro. She's gone too far".

"Please take into account all the times she's treated you like shit," Renjun cuts Shotaro off as he's about to protest.

The six of you observe as Shotaro's eyes gloss over with dismay, and you swear you can feel your own heart shattering into pieces as you watch his smile fade, instead being replaced with a frown as the corners of his mouth turn down. "I…I can't believe this," he whispers sadly, blinking a few times. "She wasn't being very nice, but I never thought she'd cheat".

"'Not being very nice' is an understatement at this point". Jeno huffs, indignation written all over his face. "She's been nothing but toxic".

"You have to confront her, Shotaro". Jaemin states, giving him his signature motherly stare. After all, he wasn't the "mom of the group" for no reason.

"I don't know…" Shotaro responds, shifting in his seat uneasily as he turns his eyes down.

"It's the best thing for you to do right now," Jeno adds, trying to coax Shotaro to initiate the breakup, since Miyoung wouldn't willingly do so and knowing him, he probably wouldn't be brave enough to do so.

"But…" his voice trails off slowly.

"Look Taro, it's time you let go of her," you speak up. "It's been so long since you've been trapped in this toxic relationship".

"I…" he stutters again, not sure of what to say. "I...kind of don't want to…"

"And why's that?" You do your best to sound patient, but the first arrow of jealousy shoots through your heart as you speak.

"I'm scared to do so, honestly," he confesses, voice barely a whisper.

"We'll all be here to back you up," Jeno encourages him.

"But still…" Shotaro continues on, still unsure.

“Shotaro… you know we love you, we’re your friends, we’ve been through so many things together, you really think we’d ask you to do this just to mess with you?” Renjun says, tone laced with concern.

“…”

“Taro, listen to me: we’d never want something bad to happen to you, much less stand back for long as we watch how a person drags you down, becoming a shell of who you used to be," you add, hopeful that this would convince him to make the first move to breakup.

"But I'm scared…" he protests weakly.

"Really? That's the best excuse you have?" you scoff, the jealousy you were suppressing so well earlier slowly seeping through the walls of your heart, like water from a leaking dam.

"It's scary, okay? Don't talk like that when you haven't been in a relationship before!" Shotaro replies, clearly a little irritated.

"It's not that hard!" you snap back. Jeno, ever the sensible one, nudges you trying to calm you down, but jealousy had just about completely taken over you by then.

Everyone at the table watches as Shotaro draws in a deep breath. "If what you're saying is true," he begins, “then why haven’t you said anything before, huh?! She told me you’d try this, you know? That you’d get jealous when I didn’t spend as much time with you as I did with her, but that’s not my fault! I’m allowed to have a relationship!” he argues back. "I don't discount the possibility of what you said being true, but I'm not ready to break up now!"

“We did, Taro! We did! So many times, and you brushed it off, or chose to ignore us, when all we wanted was to let you see for yourself how she was hurting you!” you shout back. By now, the entire canteen's eyes are riveted on the scene.

“But she isn’t hurting me! She loves me!” he protests. His tone sounded more like he was trying to convince himself, rather than like he actually believed what he just said. You swore that you saw a glistening layer over his eyes.

“No she doesn’t and you know that!” you fire back, sounding as heated as you feel.

"Well how would you know?" he demands, sounding more annoyed with every word he spoke. "You're not her".

"When the fuck will you stop being so stubborn and actually listen to what we're saying? Gosh, Shotaro. Aren't friends supposed to listen to each other? Then why are you still stuck in your own stupid corner, refusing to see things from our perspective? Who do you think you are, God?" you spit, tone containing traces of venom. By now, every emotion you felt - jealousy, anger, heartache - they swirled together in your heart, creating a tempestuous storm which raged on fiercely.

"Then why don't you believe me when I say I'm scared?" he questions, a stray tear escaping his eyes. "Why don't you understand how I feel?"

"It's. Not. That. Hard!" You're screaming your head off now, with the rest of your friend group standing around, not knowing how to react. "I can't believe you're still so weak, even after so long!"

"I-" Shotaro tries to say, but you hold out a hand.

"Whatever. If you're going to continue being stuck wherever you are, I'm not gonna bother. Go on being the fucking blind coward you are". You declare, slamming your hands onto the table with a thump of finality, before strutting away from the table, huffing as you exit.

»»————-----------------------　♡　-----------------------————-««

That day, you and Shotaro go separate ways, because he had to meet Miyoung and also partly because of the argument you'd both had earlier. You head straight home, take a shower, and try to get to your homework, but your mind isn't focusing. Instead, it keeps jumping back to the argument you and Shotaro had earlier.

Why was I so upset over it earlier? That's not me.

Realising that you won't be getting anything done, you pick up your phone and send Xiaojun a text.

You: hey, can i come over?

Xiaojun: sure! i'll be a while though, attending to an injured guinea pig

Xiaojun: you can go play with the animals first! the dogs are in the backyard

You: okay

You pack a few things, then leave your house for the shelter. Making a beeline for the backyard, you catch sight of Cloud, who's lying next to a sound-asleep Jake. It seems that she's spotted you too, because her ears perk up and she immediately leaves Jake's side and comes trotting to you. "Hey Cloud," you say, feeling some of the gloom in your heart dissolve as you pick up her favourite toy and begin playing fetch with her. As usual, she's a ball of energy, running after the toy no matter how far or where you threw it, barking as she does so.

After a while, she grows tired, and she settles down on your lap as you sit on the grass and stroke her smooth, white coat. "You came," Xiaojun's voice sounds from beside you as he emerges from the shelter.

"Yeah," you reply lamely.

"Something bothering you?" he asks, voice showing concern as he sits next to you. Jake comes up next to him, and lies down again. Xiaojun begins running his hand over Jake's fur.

"Well...me and Shotaro, we kinda had an argument," you admit.

"What was it about?" Xiaojun asks again.

"My friend group and I were trying to convince him to break up with his girlfriend, since she's been nothing but manipulative and toxic to him. Also, she cheated on him. We have photographic proof," you begin as Xiaojun nods, beckoning you to go on. You show him the photo, and he tuts disapprovingly at the girl, shaking his head.

"But he kept saying that he was afraid to do so, and...I don't know why, but I lost my cool. I said some things I shouldn't have. I called him blind and a coward, and I know that the 'coward' one would hurt him really badly. I regret it now. I don't even know why I did what I did," you sigh, regret beginning to hit you like a ton of bricks. "It's not like me to react this way".

Xiaojun hums in understanding as he purses his lips for the right words. "I get it," he says finally. "I don't know if I'm right, but...maybe you're feeling jealous".

You consider denying it for a few seconds, but decide against it, letting your shoulders sag in defeat. "Okay, maybe I am," you admit.

"So that's why you lashed out when he said he didn't want to break up with Miyoung, besides the fact that you were concerned for him," Xiaojun adds as you nod meekly, knowing that the truth was out. You found that Xiaojun was trustworthy, so you trusted him enough to tell him how you truly felt about Shotaro.

"It was partly the reason, but not the main one," you add. "Oh, how do I get over these stupid feelings?" you groan, more to yourself than to Xiaojun.

Xiaojun nods again. "Sometimes, you just let them pass. Other times, you act on them," he tells you truthfully. "They might be there for a reason. If they're not, you'll find a way," he answers.

He seriously sounded like Hyojung. "Okay," you reply, letting out another heavy sigh. "Do you think I've ruined our friendship?" you ask, petting Cloud dejectedly as she falls asleep.

Xiaojun thinks your question over, before turning back and giving you an answer. "No. Shotaro's very sweet and forgiving. You're his childhood best friend, he'd definitely forgive you, I'm sure".

You nod slowly, processing what Xiaojun is saying.

"But I think you both should apologise to each other," Xiaojun continues on. "Both of you definitely exchanged hurtful remarks, and everyone's feelings were hurt in the process," he says truthfully. "I hope you both can fix things. I don't want to witness your friendship crumble".

You nod. "I hope so too".

Xiaojun gives you a warm, reassuring smile. "I've got stuff to attend to now. My project group wants to call," he informs you. "I might be back later. If I am, I'll say hi to you again," he informs. "I hope you're feeling better.

"I am," you say. It wasn't a lie. Xiaojun's advice had given you some comfort compared to earlier. As he walks away, you fail to see Shotaro come in from the corner of your eye. That is, until Jake perks up, brown eyes gleaming excitedly as he lets out a happy bark, then gets up and rushes towards the gate.

Shotaro must have seen you too, because you watch as he quickly averts his gaze from you, choosing to focus his attention on Jake instead as he showers him with lots of love and pets. A pang of guilt arises in you as the events of the earlier argument replay in your mind. Way to go, snapping at him over something dumb and possibly ruining your friendship.

You're so focused on moping, you don't realise that Shotaro has come to sit next to you. "I'm sorry," his voice suddenly cuts through your thoughts, and you sit up with a start.

You turn, and suddenly you're staring into his brown eyes, which held so much emotion in that moment. "For what?" you ask listlessly, mindlessly stroking Cloud's fur.

"For snapping earlier. I should have kept my cool and controlled my emotions better. I know I said insensitive things," he says quietly, turning his eyes downwards again. Jake seems to have sensed that he wasn't feeling good, because he's now started licking Shotaro's hand comfortingly. "I'm really sorry. I should have thought before I spoke".

"Why are you apologising? I should be the one saying sorry," you blurt out. "I blew up at you first, and -" you pause, scrabbling in your mind for the right words, before finally giving up. "I don't even know why. It's a dumb reason, I know, but it's the truth".

"It's not dumb," Shotaro answers. "We've all been there, haven't we?" A chuckle of amusement escapes him.

"It's still not an excuse," you protest feebly, your last brain cell having long given up on you. "I'm truly sorry for lashing out on you earlier".

Shotaro smiles reassuringly. "I forgive you. I hope you'll forgive me too".

"Of course I will," you reply, squeezing his shoulder to comfort him. "We're still friends, right?"

You wish to slap yourself right then and there, for randomly blurting out every thought that was on your mind.

Shotaro giggles, sending waves through you again. "Of course! Do you really think I'd throw twelve years' worth of friendship away like that?" he asks.

You smile, knowing that you could finally stop worrying about what would become of you and Shotaro's friendship. Just then, you catch sight of his tear-streaked cheeks, and the fact that his eyes are slightly red and swollen. "Did something happen?" you inquire, genuinely concerned for Shotaro now as your brows knit together in concern. "You can tell me anything," you reassure him. You'd gone from insulting him a few hours ago to comforting him when bad stuff happened.

Shotaro's face falls. "About that..I broke up with her". He quietly says.

Your eyes widen in interest. "You did? She initiated it?"

He shakes his head. "No. I did".

You place an arm around him in silent comfort, preparing to listen to his story. "I thought about what the friend group said today at recess, and decided that yes, as much as I was scared, I did have to end the toxic relationship. So I showed her the picture Donghyuck took as proof, and let her know that I felt disrespected that she'd gone and cheated on me, instead of telling me that she had feelings for someone else so that we could work things out together, or have a closure".

Nodding, you urge him to go on. "I was just hoping for an apology from her so that we could end things peacefully, but she slapped me instead".

"Ayo what-" at his statement, your jaw drops, and your mouth is so wide open that a cow could probably fall into it. That explained the faint purple bruise on his cheek. You had expected her to get angry, but to slap him? Was she insane?

"She said that it was my fault that we didn't work out and-" his eyes swim with tears again as he pauses, and you feel your own eyes water at the heart-wrenching sight. Choking on a sob, he continues. "She said that she should have known that I wasn't good enough for her". Both dogs seem to pick up on the change in mood, and immediately snuggle closer to him, as if trying to cheer him up as he pets them gratefully.

Hearing this, your blood begins boiling. "Not good enough for her?"

"She said that I was too ugly for her. That I was too sensitive. That she would have liked me better if I was tougher - and I quote - because she wouldn't want to date a pussy," he sniffs, feeling himself break down again. "She also said I was selfish for all the times I replied to her late because I was busy. That I didn't put any effort into the relationship".

"Liar," you spit, voice dripping with venom. "Who is she to speak?" Your volume increases in a crescendo as your voice rises to fever-pitch. Unable to hold in your fury, you begin swearing your head off while ranting about Miyoung, spewing profanities a mile per minute. By now, both dogs are also barking their heads off, as if angry with Miyoung as well.

Shotaro has calmed down a little, and is now looking at you, unsure of whether to stop you or let you go on raging like a bull. "Um...y/n...please calm down," he says softly, tapping on your shoulder.

You stop midway through the freestyle diss track you were on, realising you'd said some things you probably shouldn't have said. (Then again, who holds back when defending their best friend?)

Shotaro sighs, eyes still glistening with tears. "It's just...what if she was right? What if I was less selfish? What if I was tougher? What if I-"

"I'm stopping you right there!" You cut him off as you gently nudge him, unable to watch him keep blaming himself for the failure of the relationship. "It's not you, you know. It's her".

He looks you in the eye for the first time throughout the conversation. "They say it takes two hands to clap, though".

"Look, if she can't accept you for who you are, that's her fault". You state your point clearly, gazing at him in a firm yet comforting manner. "And she took advantage of you, didn't she? She manipulated you to get what she wanted!"

Shotaro nods, knowing that what you said was true.

"And you were the one always checking in on her, listening to her rant. Not once did she care to ask how you were doing. She'd just go straight on and rant about her problems," you continue as more of her flaws continue coming to your mind.

"Yeah…" Shotaro muses.

"Weren't you the one who asked her out most of the time? What does she mean by 'you didn't put in effort'? And not to mention, she was the one who cheated, not you. You were loyal even to the end. The same can't be said about her," you add, still in a huff over what she had done to your friend. Jake and Cloud cuddle up next to Shotaro as he pets the dogs.

"That's true I guess…" Shotaro looks away again, contemplating what you just said.

"How did you hold on to such a toxic relationship for so long?" you question Shotaro, narrowing your eyes as you silently wonder how he was still able to love someone like her.

"I guess I was just scared of breaking it off. She was really nice at first, and we were truly in love with each other," he begins, turning his eyes downwards again. "But over the course of our relationship I realised that she was becoming more and more manipulative, and I found interacting with her becoming extremely draining. I think at that point, I fell out of love with her, but I still stuck around, knowing that I didn't have the courage to cut off the relationship".

You nod encouragingly, patting him on the shoulder. "I'm glad you found it in the end".

"Yeah, I feel so much more relieved after ending the relationship, to be honest," he admits, much calmer than he was before. "I feel so dumb for crying over this now," he adds with a small laugh.

"No," you shake your head. "Don't feel that way. She said stuff that really stung". You knew that she'd attacked his insecurities and guilt-tripped him during the confrontation, so he would no doubt be feeling very hurt about it. "Besides, there were feelings attached for a while, especially at the beginning of the relationship".

Shotaro hums, knowing that that was true.

"And don't change a thing about yourself. You're great the way you are," you encourage him, smiling at him reassuringly as you put a hand on his shoulder.

"Really?" he looks at you, expression betraying his disbelief.

"Of course! If not, you wouldn't be my best friend!" you reply, smacking him playfully as he begins laughing.

Unbeknownst to you, Xiaojun watches the scene from afar, a smile on his face, feeling happy that the storm clouds had cleared and your friendship was restored.

»»————-----------------------　♡　-----------------------————-««

The rest of the week progresses as if the argument didn't happen at all, and Shotaro and you are back to being the best of friends. Saturday arrives, and after a quick drink of a vanilla latte the both of you are ready to head to the shelter for another day of volunteering. Today, there seems to be less duties than usual, and both of you have about two hours left to train the dogs and play with them.

You enter the Dog Dorm, and both your eyes light up immediately as soon as Jake and Cloud run over.

You've forged a strong bond with these two dogs, and it is evident from the way they follow you around like the lamb in the nursery rhyme. When you both leave, Jake's whimpers and whines would tug at your heartstrings as he tried to follow both of you out, while Cloud would just gaze at both of you, sadness evident in her large puppy eyes.

"They're so cute," you say as Cloud is sitting in your lap as you pat Jake. "I want one of them".

"Me too," Shotaro says, reaching over to feed Cloud a treat. "I miss having a dog around the house".

"Why don't you adopt them then?" Xiaojun asks as he enters the area with a golden retriever, who'd just returned from a grooming session. "They'd suit you".

"I've discussed it with my parents, actually," Shotaro speaks first as Jake runs up to Xiaojun. "They said that Jake sounds like a really sweet dog, and that they'd be open to the idea of adopting him".

"I have yet to talk to my parents, but I believe they'd be alright with adopting Cloud," you mention after Shotaro. "Besides, Pebble gets along with dogs well". You smile at the thought of your fluffy, but slightly chonky, grey cat you keep at home.

"That's great!" Xiaojun enthuses, unable to hide his happy smile as he . "Jake and Cloud do need forever homes, but they can't be separated for too long, so we thought you'd both be great candidates for potential owners since you're both next door neighbours. They've been best friends since they were puppies," he explains. "Like the both of you, childhood best friends".

You both laugh at the statement, but neither of you pick up on the hints of bitterness in both of your laughs. Best friends? Why did your relationship have to stay like that?

Was that all both of you would ever be?

Little did you know, Xiaojun had picked up on it as he went on talking, informing you about the adoption process, which involved paperwork and a house visit.

As he had hoped, you'd both convinced your families to let you adopt the dogs. Sending the dogs off with you both, he silently prayed that your new pets would help you both get closer than you already were.

And they did.

You'd both meet up even more frequently now to let the dogs play with each other. Today, he’s at your house, enjoying a cup of hot chocolate as Cloud, Jake and Pebble chase each other around the house.

"Your cat is really friendly with dogs," he comments as he watches Pebble play wrestle Cloud to the ground.

"Yeah, she's used to them," you reply. "Actually, maybe more than that," you add with a laugh as Pebble allows Jake to gently bite one of her ears, conceding defeat.

"Oh yeah, I trained Jake to do this," Shotaro says, perking up as he remembers.

"Hmm? What is it?" Your curiosity is piqued as Shotaro calls Jake over.

You watch as Shotaro holds out his fingers in a gun position in front of Jake. "Bang!" he says, flicking his hand upwards as if he'd just shot Jake. The Samoyed falls over with his eyes shut as he remains motionless. His mouth is slightly open with his tongue lolling out, for an even more realistic effect, and you can't help but laugh at the sight.

"Jake learns so well!" You marvel as the pup gets back up, wagging his tail excitedly as he eyed the treats in Shotaro's hand. Cloud barks, as if egging Jake on and telling him he did a great job as Shotaro feeds the treats to both dogs.

"It took him a while to learn, but he got it in the end," Shotaro tells you. "He does learn quite fast".

"Faster than you," you reply, taking the chance to roast Shotaro.

"Hey!" he says with a small pout, obviously caught off-guard by your sudden roast. However, he can't resist the urge to laugh as well when your own contagious laughter fills the room. As such, that afternoon ends with laughter and smiles.

»»————-----------------------　♡　-----------------------————-««

"Oh no," Yangyang whines, dejectedly tossing his pen onto the floor. It clatters as he runs his fingers through his hair in frustration and turns to the paper again. "I still don't understand this!"

You're all at Shotaro's house for your weekly study session together. Yes, the whole group only met together for study sessions and occasional sleepovers on Fridays, but you had the privilege of going over every day. Childhood best friend and neighbour privileges.

"Exams are fast approaching, and then soon...we'll be in our final year," Renjun comments, glancing up from the history textbook he'd been studying. "Time really flies".

"Yeah…I hope we'll all do well," Jaemin answers, not looking up from his English notebook. "We've all worked hard".

"We will," Shotaro adds with certainty. "Even if it's not up to our expectations, we'll all still do well".

"As long as we've done our best, we can be proud of ourselves," Jeno reminds all of you. "Don't beat yourself up. What's more important is that you learn from your mistakes".

"Thanks for the advice, Jeno," Yangyang states as he picks up his pen and sighs again. "But I still really need help with this part".

"I'll help, " Jeno responds, taking the book from Yangyang and studying the question.

You're stuck in about the same position as Yangyang as you're left gawking at your history paper as if it were written in Greek. However, unlike the boy, you didn't voice your concerns. You continued to stare at the page, trying to process the question. However, the words seemed to dance around the page, and before you know it, you're zoning out.

"Need help?" You snap out of your daze as Shotaro's soft voice rings next to your ear, and his hand appears on your shoulder.

"Yeah...I just can't seem to understand this source," you say, pointing out one of the questions to Shotaro.

"Oh! I understand it, I finished this yesterday," he says, grinning excitedly as he finishes studying the question. "I'll help you with it!"

"Thanks…" you try your best to sound cheerful and energetic, although the pressure weighing down on your heart prevents you from actually feeling like it. You were sure that the others also felt stressed, but they weren't saying anything, so you shouldn't either.

"...y/n? y/n? Earth to y/n…?" A hand waves in front of your face, and you're brought back to reality.

"Ah...sorry, I spaced out," you admit, a blush creeping across your cheeks. Whether it was from embarrassment or something else, you didn't know. Maybe both.

Shotaro's brows knit together. "Are you anxious?" he asks, knowing that you tend to space out when you're anxious. "Let's go, we can talk it out".

He excuses the both of you and leads you to the kitchen. After pouring you a glass of water, he sits you down at his kitchen table. "How are you feeling?" he asks, putting the jug back.

You shake your head as your heart rate seems to double, your breaths become faster and shallower, tears threatening to fall. "I...I…" you stutter, brain unable to form sentences and words at the moment.

Shotaro picks up on your distress, and sweeps you into a hug. You don't resist, instead reciprocating it. "Let it all out. I know you've been stressed," he tells you as your tears fall onto his shoulder. You sniffle quietly, the floodgates opening as you stay enclosed in his embrace for a few minutes, letting the tears freely flow.

"I- I'm stressed," you admit. "The exams are coming soon…and what's more, all the new responsibilities of the student council, band…"

He grunts sympathetically, lips pursed as he searches for the right words.

"What if I fail and get retained? I won't be able to live that down," you sniffle as you recall the dreadful sense of failure after you didn't do well in your exams last year.

All is silent for a moment as Shotaro thinks of his next words. "You won't. You're bright and smart, and you've worked super hard. Besides, no matter what the outcome, I'll always be here for you," he mumbles, unsure of whether what he is saying is helpful.

You look up at him. "Really?"

"Yes, really," he replies, giving you a warm smile, the smile that always brought you comfort, yet made you get a nervous rush at the same time. It's at this moment that you both realise you've probably been hugging a little too long, and you abruptly pull out of each others' hold.

Wish it lasted longer.

"Thank you so much," you whisper, feeling a lot less anxious than you were a few minutes ago.

"Glad I could help," he answers as he rubs your back comfortingly. "When exams are over, we'll do what we used to do as kids and have sleepovers, just you and me, okay? Of course, we'll also have one with the others, but I'd like to just hang out with you first".

"I'd love that," you nod. "Thank you, Taro. I love you".

As soon as the words leave your mouth, you're stunned by your unexpected confession. Oh no! What an idiot, he's gonna think you're weird now! You think, a small wave of panic washing over your mind again.

A light blush forms on Shotaro's cheeks as his mouth forms a stunned "o". "You mean it-?" he asks, unable to believe his ears.

"I- of course I do! But platonically! Platonically!" Painful as it was to say, you still had to add the fact that you meant it platonically and not romantically.

It feels as if someone lightly cut your heart with a small shard of glass when his giggles reach your ears. "I love you too," he replies. "Platonically". The last word is so soft, you barely hear it.

"Woi! Are you both done?" an impatient shout and a few knocks sounds outside the door. "You've both been gone so long!" Renjun's voice continues.

A panicked look simultaneously crosses your faces as Shotaro rushes to open the door and usher you out. "Yes, yes! We're ready!" he exclaims, dragging you out of the room

Oh, how I wish I wasn't such a chicken and told him I meant it in some other way.

»»————-----------------------　♡　-----------------------————-««

"It's finished!"

"We did it!"

Cheerful shouts and screams echo through the corridor of the level as students celebrate the end of their exams, and of course you and Shotaro just had to join the impromptu celebrations as well. "We did it, Taro!" you enthusiastically shout, slinging an arm around his shoulder as you both skip out of the classroom.

"Finally! Good job, y/n," his melodious laugh finally sounds out again after so long, due to him feeling too stressed to be happy. Relief washed over your heart as you saw an adorable grin appear on his face, complete with his signature eye smile. He gives you a high-five to congratulate you.

"The exams were quite alright, actually," you say to Shotaro as he bobs his head up and down in agreement with you.

"They weren't that bad. The only subject I'm kinda worried about is Biology, but it wasn't too hard," he agrees. "Our mugging sure paid off!" he adds, excited that his hard work had paid off.

"Now that it's over, we should celebrate together!" you suggest, excitement still bubbling out of you. "We should hang out!"

Shotaro's eyes sparkle at your suggestion. "We should! Oh yeah, I said that after exams, we'd have a sleepover together," he reminds you.

"Right, you did," you recall. "So when?"

"Tonight? 7 pm?" he suggests. "You alright with that?"

You think for a few seconds before replying. "Should be. If I can't make it, I'll text you," you add.

He nods, still grinning so brightly, he could rival the sun. "Alright then, I'll see you later! You can bring Cloud and Pebble if you want".

True to your word, you arrive at his house at 7 pm sharp. He appears at the door as soon as you show up at his doorstep. "Y/n!" he greets cheerfully, seemingly delighted that you'd get to have a sleepover with him again after forever.

"Taro!" You return his greeting before pulling him in for a hug.

Soon, you’re both in the comfort of his room, sitting on the carpet on his floor. “So…what do you wanna do?” he asks, uncertain. “We could watch Netflix, or we could play a game, or we could do something else…”

“Let’s play Mario Kart. I’ll beat your high score this time,” you smirk, confident that this time you’d win. The last time you both played, it didn’t go well for you, with you losing terribly and Shotaro celebrating his victory in front of you.

“It’s on”. Shotaro narrows his eyes into slits and stares at you for a while before moving to set up the game consoles. Soon, you're engaged in an intense battle of Mario Kart together, with both of you trying to distract each other to win the game. Meanwhile, Jake and Cloud watch at the side, barking. It’s a close fight, but just at the end, you overtake him and win by one second.

“Hey! You cheated!” Shotaro protests. He was referring to the way you’d made so many weird noises and faces in front of him just to distract him - which apparently was successful.

“Did not,” you say in response. “You tried distracting me too!”

“But I didn’t even do that as much as you!” he argues.

You roll your eyes and sigh dramatically. “I still won, fair and square”.

Sighing, he shakes his head and gets up, tackling you to the ground. You panic a little as you’re unable to overpower him, as he towers over you with his height.

At that moment, an idea strikes you. There was one strategy that you hadn't used against Shotaro since your childhood. But you remember that it was very effective, with him surrendering within minutes. You're unsure if it will work again, but you try anyway, reaching up with your free hand to poke his side lightly. You can't stop the smirk that forms on your face as he withdraws and lets out a small squeak.

You grin the most evil grin you've ever grinned in your life, and soon the tables have turned, with him desperately trying to squirm away from you and block your attacks while you simply laugh at his predicament, continuing to tickle him. The heart-melting smile you'd always loved appears on his face, his eyes lighting up as laughter and occasional squeals pour out of him. You soon find yourself laughing with him as you watch him smile and laugh brighter than a ray of sunshine while you chase him.

"y/n stop!" he repeatedly begs in between laughs. He tries to tickle you back, which fails since you're not ticklish.

"No!" you resolutely declare, and keep up the attack. That is, until a loud thump sounds and Shotaro lets out an "ouch", prompting you to stop.

"Oh my goodness, are you alright?" you ask him repeatedly as you check on him. While struggling to escape from you, he'd rolled all the way to where his study table was and hit his head on the leg of the table. "I'm so sorry, Taro," you apologise, feeling genuinely concerned for him.

He sits up, rubbing his head, still laughing. "It's alright, y/n. That was actually kinda funny," he giggles. It seemed as if his smile had never faded by the slightest bit.

Seeing that he's alright, you let out a sigh of relief, and before you know it laughter fills the room as you both share a laugh over what had just happened. Looking into your eyes, in that moment, Shotaro could feel something warm and fuzzy bubbling up inside of his heart - maybe even something fluttering inside of him. Memories of the times you'd had together run through his mind, almost as if he was reliving them. The first time you'd met, the first playdate you'd both had, the smiles of elation shared during middle school graduation. The countless laughs shared together, the times you'd cried with each other, the times you'd helped each other through school while complaining together. You were the one who'd been there with him, come hell or high water, since childhood. At that moment, he realises that you're truly his other half. Not someone like Kim Miyoung, who'd just used him like her puppet, manipulating him for her own purposes and trampling on his feelings. He realises that the fluttering in his heart, the giddy feeling, the blush that would find its way to his cheeks whenever he was around you - there was a reason why he felt all of those.

He knew that you were just the right one for him. But what was stopping him? On one hand, he desired to spill all his feelings to you. To hold on to that small sliver of hope he had that'd you'd return his feelings, let you know how he realised he felt about you, even if he'd just ended a relationship gone wrong. Though technically, it had ended long ago, with the hell she'd put him through.

On the other hand, something stopped him. What was it? He couldn't pinpoint it either. All he knew was that the right time was not now. Besides, his freshly wounded heart wasn't ready for another relationship. Yet.

He sighs inwardly. Why are feelings so complicated? He questions. If only it were simpler. Maybe I'd have an easier time...

"Whatever. Good game," your voice permeates his thoughts and brings him back to reality. "What do you wanna do now?"

"We could watch Netflix," he suggests, turning on the TV. "There's this new show I wanna watch".

Soon, you're both engaged in the movie. Jake, Cloud and Pebble have long fallen asleep, sharing the big dog bed. You don't know when you realise, but at some point your head ends up resting on his shoulder. His arm is slung around your shoulders, and you're aware of his thumb rubbing circles on the back of your hand. You look up and you're met with the sight of him focused on the screen, his eye smile in full view as he focuses on the scene playing in front of you. The scent of his sakura shampoo wafts into your nose.

Is this really what just friends do? You question internally. Before you know it, you've drifted into dreamland.

"Every day...I fall for you harder," Shotaro confesses quietly as he caresses your hair gently. His whisper is snatched away by the gentle night wind as it goes by unheard by you, as you're sound asleep.

»»————-----------------------　♡　-----------------------————-««

“Fetch!” Shotaro’s voice resonates in the evening air as he hurls the rubber ball some distance away. All three animals jump up and race after the ball. To your amusement, Pebble comes running back with the ball in her mouth, the other two animals hot on her heels.

“Looks like letting Pebble befriend dogs was a good choice,” you remark, taking the ball and patting Pebble on the head. “This is the most active she’s been!” Both of you laugh, knowing that before both dogs were adopted by you and Shotaro, Pebble had spent most of her days lazing around in the house. When she wasn’t eating, she was either sitting or sleeping.

A few more rounds of fetch later, when everyone is tired out, all of you find a big tree to sit down under and rest. That’s when Shotaro gets the idea of showing you the item that the dance club is going to perform for the upcoming New Year’s Countdown celebration, that is held yearly by the town council, featuring performances from residents, young and old alike. The school had sent the dance club and the symphonic band to perform, so the both of you would be performing. Earlier that day at the shelter, Xiaojun had revealed that he had been chosen to emcee for the celebration.

“And…that’s it!” Shotaro does the ending pose as you burst into applause. He then walks off, smiling shyly as he makes his way back to sit beside you under the tree. “That’s about it,” he says.

“That was so good, Taro! I can’t wait to see the dance club’s performance!” Even after he was done, you were still marvelling over the complexity of the routine, which stood out even more due to his beautiful technique. You were blown away by the fact that your friend had helped to choreograph such a difficult piece, and was also able to pull it off perfectly.

“Thanks! I can’t wait for the symphonic band’s performance as well. Especially your piccolo solo, I loved it so much,” he comments as your face heats up a little.

“Thanks, I’ll do my best!” you say, looking up at him and doing the “fighting” gesture.

“The year is ending so fast, don’t you think?” Shotaro asks, looking up. Ahead, the sky is painted with pinks, purples and oranges of every hue, a sight for sore eyes indeed. Yet, you find your eyes being drawn to your best friend.

“It is,” you say. “Before you know it, we’ll be in our final year of high school,” you answer, the reality of everything seeping through like blood on a white garment.

“I hope that the friend group will stay together, I really love everyone there,” Shotaro admits, eyes glistening a little as the sad possibility of the friend group separating runs through his mind. “We’re all planning to study different college courses and we might not see each other anymore”.

“Nah, I bet Hyuck will initiate a meetup as soon as he gets the chance,” you say. Most of the meetups the friend group had had been planned by Donghyuck, being the extrovert he was. If there was any hope for the friend group to stay together, it would be Donghyuck. “However busy he is, he’ll definitely plan something. Mark my words”.

“Yeah, he will,” Shotaro finally lets out a sigh of relief. “At least there’s still hope for the group to meet up again. “I know I’ll definitely see you around, though”. He turns to you, hope reflecting in his gaze.

“We’re neighbours, after all. And plus, Cloud, Jake and Pebble are gonna wanna see each other,” you reply honestly, giving Cloud a sip from a water bottle. You wouldn’t admit this to him out loud, but you’d feel like a part of you would be gone if you both stopped meeting up.

“I’m glad I’ll still see you around,” he says as he wraps his arms around your shoulders. You subconsciously return the hug, relaxing in his grip. Sure, the hug felt a little longer than those you’d usually give each other, but neither of you complained, staying in each other’s hold until it was time to go home.

»»————-----------------------　♡　-----------------------————-««

Time continues to fly by, and soon the New Year’s Countdown has arrived. The symphonic band had just delivered their performance and received a standing ovation, much to your pleasant surprise. You, Renjun and Donghyuck return to the picnic mat that you and your friends had laid out on the grass as Xiaojun returns to the stage.

“That was an outstanding performance by NCIT Symphonic Band! Next, we have NCIT Dance Club, bringing us a piece titled ‘New Beginnings’. Let’s put our hands together to welcome them!” he recites off his cue cards, before walking off again as the lights dim.

The lights come on again, revealing the dancers on stage in their starting positions. Though there are so many of them, your eyes immediately locate Shotaro, standing at the left side of the formation. “Shotaro! Jaemin! Jeno! Yangyang!” you and your friends cheer as loudly as you can for your friends who are onstage, so much that you thought your lungs would explode. You only quiet down when the dancers start. Though your other three friends were amazing, for some reason, your eyes keep being drawn to Shotaro as he dances with both the grace of a swan and the power of a deer. The three of you are unable to hold back your cheers when the other dancers move to the side of the stage, leaving Shotaro onstage as he begins his solo, executing his moves cleanly as he exudes confidence and charisma. You’re so enchanted by his every move that you’re positive that you didn’t breathe for the entire solo.

All too soon, his performance draws to a close, and the audience gives the dancers a thunderous round of applause. “Yo y/n, my parents are looking for us. We’ll be back!” Renjun informs as he and Donghyuck get up and leave the mat.

“Alright, see you later!” you answer, thinking nothing about it.

A few minutes later, Shotaro arrives. “You guys were amazing!” you immediately gush as he sits down beside you. “Your solo was amazing!”

“Thank you,” he says quietly, happiness radiating off his smile. In that instant, you feel your heart flutter again.

That’s when you register that Yangyang, Jeno and Jaemin are nowhere to be seen. “Where are the others?” you ask Shotaro.

He shrugs. “Don’t know. Said they’ll join us soon though”.

“Alright then,” you answer and turn back to face the stage.

The programme progresses, but you’re barely focusing on it. For some reason, three words kept echoing in your mind, distracting you from the performances in front of you. Words that you wanted to say to Shotaro so badly. They were always hanging off the tip of your tongue, yet you sorely lacked the courage to say them to him. What if I ruin what we already have? This thought haunted you like a monster that lurked in the depths of your mind. It only appeared whenever you had made up your mind to tell him how you felt, effectively breaking down all the confidence and composure you'd spent days, even weeks, building up.

Plus, next year will be the final year in high school for both of you, meaning a heavier workload as teachers scramble to arm students with knowledge for the final exams, hoping for them to get into their dream universities. You didn't know if you both could commit to a relationship now, considering the workload to come. So much to think about…

"y/n? You've been quiet, you alright?" Shotaro's soft, sweet voice brings you back to the real world.

Shaking your head gently to bring yourself out of your daze, you turn to him and whisper, "I'm fine, I was just thinking about something". He then nods and turns back to the stage where the emcees are waiting for the final countdown.

"y/n...there's actually something I want to tell you". Shotaro speaks up from next to you.

"Hmm?" you hum, still distracted by your train of thought.

"I...I really like you. W-wait, nevermind, scratch that, l-love you. Like, non platonically love you”.

Your heart skips a beat, and your head snaps in his direction. Your eyes behold the sight of a very flustered Shotaro, his cheeks tinted a shade of pink. "Wait, can you repeat that?" You reckon that your eyes must be as wide as grapefruits, but you don't care.

"I love you," he repeats, with more confidence this time. "It took so long for me to realise. But even after I did, I was so afraid to tell you, y/n".

You look down, trying to hide the blush creeping up your own cheeks as well.

"I didn't realise how I felt towards you. But when we spent more time together through volunteering, studying together and just hanging out, that's when I realised that I felt more than just platonic attraction to you. I was so afraid to confess, because I always feared ruining the many years of pure friendship we've had". Shotaro rambles on like a bullet train, mumbling so fast you can barely hear him. "And I was afraid of getting my heart broken again…" he adds, remembering the pain of his first ever relationship, which ended in lots of tears and pain for him.

"Shotaro…" your voice trails off.

"It's fine if you don't feel the same way towards me, y/n. I just wanted to get my feelings off my chest. Thanks for hearing me out". He says, before looking away from you slightly and blinking a couple of times.

"No, Shotaro, hear me out". After his brave confession, it was your turn to tell him how you felt too. "I love you too".

He turns back to you quickly, eyes holding the tiniest hint of hope. "I've had a growing crush on you since school reopened after the holidays, but I didn't dare to tell you how I felt," you chuckle, realising that you both were stuck in the same situation. "I feared destroying our friendship too".

"So...we're in the same boat, huh". He responds after a silence that seemed to last for eternity.

"Yeah…" you look down, lost for more words. "So now that we know how we feel towards each other...do you wanna...perhaps give things a try?" you blurt out, before facepalming mentally.

"But...we're going to be preparing for our finals next year, and there'll be so much more to do. We'll be focusing on our studies, I'm not sure if we'll have time…" Shotaro trailed off, an uncertain tone lacing his words.

You silently mull over what Shotaro said, knowing that you were thinking of the same thing, and that he had a point. Yet, in your heart, the tiniest voice was nudging you to just give it a try. It was as if some angel was reassuring you that the heavens would take care of it, and that destiny was now taking its due course. "Like someone wise once said, it's much easier when you've got someone by your side. Sure, we might be busier than ever, but we'll have each other, right?" you speak up, looking up at him hopefully. "We've made it since childhood as the closest of friends through thick and thin, I'm sure we can go further as lovers as well".

Shotaro giggles hearing his own words being quoted to him. "Then let's go for it". He agrees, turning back to look at you. "I believe we can do it if we try. So...be mine?" He gazes at you, eyes glimmering with hope.

You smile wider than ever, so wide that you could probably eat a whole banana sideways in one bite. "I'd love to," you respond.

His eyes adorably form crescent moons again. "May I…?"

You already know what he wants. "Yes, you may".

With that, his hand travels to the back of your head, and he pulls you in for a sweet kiss as a spectacular display of fireworks makes its way onto the star-studded night sky, marking the start of a new year, which would mean new responsibilities for the both of you. But none of you held fear in your hearts, only pure love for each other, because for you and Shotaro, you knew you'd have each other as the fireworks also marked a new chapter of your journey together, this time as something more than friends.

»»————-----------------------　♡　-----------------------————-««

if you made it all the way here, thank you so much! i hope you enjoyed it, have a nice day :D

tagging: @bangchan-fairy @moonsclover

[floralseokjin]

⤑ made-up love song ix.

Your first encounter with Kim Seokjin doesn’t go so well, nor your second, or your third… and maybe that’s because it shouldn’t work on paper. You’re an elementary school teacher, never left the country despite hitting the third decade of your life not so long ago, and you’re unable to remember the last time you dated. He’s the dad of one of your students, nearly a decade older than you and divorced. Oh yes, and just another minor detail – he’s a multimillionaire. 

Your lives are lightyears apart, yet somehow, your paths having now crossed, things just seem to fall into place…

pairing; kim seokjin x reader   au/genre/warnings; strangers to lovers, romance, single dad! seokjin, ceo! seokjin, elementary school teacher! oc, age gap (oc is 30, seokjin is 37), seokjin is a dilf, angst, soojung and oc’s mother being the best, minor food mention (not feeling hungry when stressed), hope, the tiniest bit of fluff, a cliffhanger of sorts!  words; 6,161 

Read Seokjin’s chapter ix here

↪︎ chapter index

chapters; i • ii • iii  • iv • v • vi • vii • viii • ix • x • epilogue (+ drabbles)

Soojung found you curled up on the sofa a few hours later when she came home from work. You’d tried watching television, hoping the distraction would be successful but your mind just wouldn’t switch off, replaying the day’s earlier events. You didn’t want to think just yet but that’s all your mind could do. Going around and around in circles. Hearing Soojung’s keys in the door you felt a wave of nausea knowing you’d have to talk about it. Not that you didn’t want to confide in your best friend, it was just explaining everything meant that it was all real… 

She stuck her head around the door, sounding momentarily confused. “What are you doing back already? I wasn’t expecting you until la– Y/N?” She caught the look on your face immediately and just like she knew something was up. She rushed over. “What’s wrong? What’s happened?”

Instantly you felt your face crumble, tears blurring your vision. “It’s stupid really,” you insisted, wiping your eyes as she came to join you, a protective arm wrapping around your shoulders. The small action at least made you feel a little better. “I don’t understand why I’m crying.” You hadn’t felt the need to cry until now. Maybe it was because you could always be vulnerable with your best friend. You didn’t need to be strong. She’d seen you at your worst. 

“Did…Did you guys argue?” She sounded unsure, confused as to what could be the issue. 

You sniffed, composing yourself. “No. Not really,” you let out a groan, “oh, god, Soo. It was awful. Seokjin’s ex-wife turned up…” 

You spent the next fifteen minutes telling her what happened, although a lot of it was a blur of raised voices and insults. One thing you knew for certain though, was that you’d never felt so awkward in your entire life. You’d watched your boyfriend arguing with his ex-wife feeling so incredibly out of the loop it was embarrassing. 

You’d never demanded to know every single detail about his marriage – you hadn’t even wanted to know. It wasn’t your business after all, nor did you want Seokjin to relive things he didn’t want to, or dwell on the past. You understood that more than anyone, what with your relationship with Donghae, but he’d openly revealed a lot to you. He’d confided in you, shared some hurtful details of his divorce and in turn you had entrusted him with your own past, your own bad memories… 

There had been many surprises this afternoon, but one certain revelation kept replaying in your head. It was all you could think about. To learn he’d left out something as major as getting cheated on… Having to find out like that… You were still reeling from the bombshell. Why hadn’t he told you? You’d both been through the same thing… Didn’t he trust you enough? You didn’t understand and you couldn’t stop yourself from feeling hurt. 

“You don’t think he’s still in love with her, do you?” Soojung asked hesitantly. 

“No,” you shook your head. Regardless of the mess that were your thoughts right now, you didn’t think that at all. Yes, it was easy to let your doubts take over in the first few moments you’d set eyes on Nana, she was beautiful, although you hadn’t expected anything less, but you knew not to feel paranoid when it came to that. Regardless of today’s shock, you didn’t doubt Seokjin’s feelings for you, and you knew very well he no longer loved his ex-wife. 

“I think he’s just very bitter about everything,” you continued. “Mostly about how infrequently she sees Arin.” 

“Do you think it’s a problem?” 

Shrugging slightly, you didn’t really know what to say. “She’s been seeing her quite often lately. There was last weekend, but it shouldn’t have been that much of an issue.” Seokjin hadn’t been angry over that, or at least he hadn’t let on he was… Maybe he had and had just hid it well. With that thought, you remembered something. “It was just her face… while Seokjin was saying all those things to her. She looked so upset… I’ve never seen him like that.” 

It had been jarring seeing him so angry. He was usually soft-spoken and well-mannered. Even when he was irritated he stayed silent. You understood that he was only human, everyone had emotions, and his had bubbled over today, but it was still surprising. You hadn’t been expecting to be in the middle of a shouting match between him and his ex-wife. 

“But you knew they didn’t get on?” Soojung gently prodded, rubbing your upper back. 

“Yeah.” You swallowed. “Just seeing it in person… I can’t believe he didn’t tell her about us.” 

Your mind was all over the place, unable to concentrate on one issue for long enough. You really had been living in your own little world this entire time. So incredibly happy and blissfully content. It had been so easy to forget that Nana existed when it came to your relationship with Seokjin. To you, she was just Arin’s mom, who she spoke about sometimes, but not very often, in your presence. It was easy to put her to the back of your mind, it was easy not to think of her at all. Why would you? You didn’t even know what she looked like until today. All the photos you’d seen of a younger Seokjin, of Arin as a baby, had never once included her. You knew who she was, knew her name, but that was all. 

So you’d just assumed she knew about you too. You’d assumed Seokjin had told her without needing any confirmation. You’d assumed she’d known that you would be looking after Arin last weekend. You’d assumed she was perfectly fine with it. In reality she had no clue you existed. You were almost certain Seokjin hadn’t done it maliciously, he wasn’t that type of man, but seeing him today, how casually he had brushed off her concerns… As much as it had hurt to be thought of as a stranger, you understood why that was the case. Seokjin hadn’t. As stubborn as always, he refused to see where he had done wrong. 

“That is a bit odd,” Soojung agreed. “And even though she was a bitch to you, I guess I’d be pissed too if I found out the way she had.” 

You snorted softly. Soojung had been ready to fight when she’d first heard the things Nana had said to you, but she knew you were fine, you could handle yourself. “Ugh, it’s all such a mess,” you groaned. “I would’ve never looked after Arin last weekend if I’d known Nana had no clue.” You should have made sure. Why hadn’t you?

“I guess Seokjin had his reasons,” Soo reasoned. “Maybe he knew how his ex would react.” 

“Maybe,” you agreed before sighing. “I don’t know. There’s things he never told me either.” Maybe you were finding out that Seokjin was a very secretive person, who knew… “She cheated on him, Soo.” You were back there again. Soojung hummed in understanding. “Is it silly of me to be upset?” 

“No, it’s valid.” 

“I told him about Donghae,” you whispered. “I really opened up to him and he was so sweet and understanding. Why didn’t he tell me he’d been through the same thing?” No matter how many times you went through it in your head you couldn’t think of an answer. It didn’t make sense. Especially because he’d opened up to you so easily in regard to everything else. What made this so different?

“Maybe he just didn’t want to make it about him,” Soojung offered. 

“I don’t know… Maybe.” You groaned, thinking you were being selfish. He probably had a good reason when he didn’t tell you. There were more pressing issues right now anyway… You knew that, and immediately your head begin to spin again. 

“The whole stepmom thing,” you muttered, “it’s left me a little frazzled.” 

Soojung kept up with your disorderly thoughts expertly. “In what way?” 

You gave a little shrug, voice barely there because you didn’t want to admit it out loud. “It made me question things…”

“I thought you liked where things were heading?” Your best friend couldn’t hide the shock from her voice. 

“I do,” you replied, “or at least, I did.” Where were things actually heading? You didn’t know anymore. “I just wasn’t really thinking.”

“Of what it all meant?” 

You nodded slowly. “I lost myself for a while.” 

In a way, you had been in your own little bubble for these past few months – you, Seokjin and Arin. You’d had the most amazing summer, falling harder and harder for Seokjin and in the process Arin had captured your whole heart. She was such a sweet little girl, humorous and thoughtful, Seokjin and Nana had brought her up well. Your time together had been incomparable, your happiness unmatched, but in the process you’d ignored a few things. 

“So what are you saying?” Soojung asked gently. 

Your throat felt dry. “I’m afraid it’s all moving too fast.” 

It was a lot to take in. You had been together barely four months but here you were thinking about the word stepmom. How scary the word sounded, how scary it felt…

“You want to slow it down?”

“It’s probably too late for that,” you chuckled quietly. You felt your heart squeeze. “Soojung, I think I’m in love with him.” 

It felt almost relieving to confess such a thing, despite your heavy heart over today. Your feelings had been harder and harder to ignore these past couple of weeks, but you’d tried your best, not wanting to rush anything. Right now you were confused and hurt, but one thing was blatantly clear. You loved him. 

“It’s scary,” you whispered, feeling Soo rub your back again, listening silently. “Falling so fast.” Especially after everything you’d been through with Donghae. You were scared. Despite opening up your heart to Seokjin easily, this was different. Things seemed so complicated now, when not six hours ago they had been nothing more than simple. 

“Today was a massive reality check,” you scoffed. “I’ve been spending these past few months playing house with Seokjin and Arin, it was bound to catch up with us sometime.” 

“You liked it though,” your best friend encouraged, voice gentle. “I’ve never seen you so happy… Not since… Well, not even then.” 

“Everything just felt so… perfect,” you agreed. Everything had slotted into place easily. “And natural, and just, nice.” For lack of a better word. Your brain was pulp. 

“Arin obviously felt comfortable enough to call you her stepmom in front of her own mom?” You didn’t even notice Soojung’s change of direction. 

“I don’t know, I think she was just confused. You know what kids are like together. She heard her friend talking about it and they probably got excited.”

“Would you like to be her stepmom?”

You paused then, realising what had just happened. She knew you well, knew what was bothering you, conflicting your mind. You gave her a small smile. “She’s a sweet child, but it’s not that simple right now. It’s not only my decision either.” 

Truthfully you hadn’t thought about it before today, but now it was one of the things at the forefront of your mind. If everything worked out okay then you and Seokjin would only grow more serious. From strength to strength and what did that mean? However, now you knew that Nana wasn’t exactly your biggest fan… You felt fresh frustration, deflated yet again. Today had gone terrible. 

“You’re right,” Soojung agreed, “but it’s something you need to be comfortable with too.” 

That was true. These were things you needed to talk about with Seokjin. Then again, maybe you should’ve talked about them before. You had no clue how he felt regarding the topic, well… not explicitly anyway. 

“Seokjin comparing the both of us made me feel horrendous.” You found yourself admitting. “I’m not trying to be Arin’s mother. I wasn’t even trying to be her stepmother. Not yet. I haven’t thought about it until now. I just… I loved being a part of her life in my own little way.” 

You never wanted to replace Nana. You hated thinking like this, but what if Seokjin had been looking for that the whole time? A new mother for his daughter… You were almost positive that wasn’t the case, but you were so drained right now, your mind was all over the place. You kept replaying in your head what he had shouted at Nana over and over again. 

“He can’t expect you to take on that role, not when she already has a mother,” Soojung said carefully. “But you can be there for Arin in other ways – in similar ways. You’ve been teaching and caring for kids for years, so I hope you’re not undermining your capabilities.” 

You smiled then, grateful, leaning on her shoulder. “Thank you.” You definitely weren’t doing that but being a teacher and a mother were two totally different things. Especially when it wasn’t your biological child. 

“Ugh, I’m just exhausted,” you groaned, laying back against the sofa and shutting your eyes. “My head’s a mess.” You didn’t want to talk about it any longer, switching off sounded really good right now and Soojung understood that perfectly. 

She tapped your arm. “I’m going to cancel my plans with Tae.” You opened your eyes, mouth open ready to fight. “He’ll be fine.” She insisted. “Me and you are gonna get takeout and ice cream and just stop thinking. We’re going to pull the One Tree Hill boxset out and pretend we’re still in high school.” 

You weren’t going to lie, that did sound like fun. It was also foolproof. You’d been doing it since you were seventeen, when Soojung had got dumped for the first time. “Great idea.” 

She leaned in for a hug. “You told him you need space to think, so that’s what you’re going to do. But not tonight. No rush.” 

As she pulled back you took her hand, giving it a soft squeeze. “I love you.” 

“And I love you,” she grinned. “Now, let me grab my phone.”  

You woke up early the next morning, like really early, 5am, which wasn’t ideal seeing as you’d struggled to get to sleep the night before. Your mind and heart felt heavy, but you forced yourself to get up and shower because there was no point trying to fall back to sleep for an hour. You had school, and that meant you had to try your best to look presentable for the kids – and happy. A bunch of 6-7 year olds were scarily talented at reading an adult’s mood you’d come to find out. 

You didn’t eat much of your breakfast, which wasn’t a surprise because when you were stressed or sad you never felt practically hungry anyway, and left for work long before Soojung even had a chance to wake up, thinking your classroom so early in the morning might give you some sense of clarity. Either that or stop the buzzing of your thoughts that couldn’t seem to keep away. The change of scenery would hopefully do you some good.   

You were at your desk trying to organise your planner for the week ahead, 7:04am, when your cell phone began buzzing. You looked across at the device, face up a few inches away from you and felt your stomach squeeze. Filling the screen was a picture of Seokjin and you at an amusement park he’d dragged you to over the summer, like the big kid he was at heart. Seeing his smiley face made your heart hurt. You thought about leaving it ring, you could pretend you were busy and let him leave a message, but no matter how much you wanted to do it, you couldn’t. 

The phone felt heavy in your hand as you picked up. Your voice didn’t sound like yours. “Hello.” 

“Y/N,” he breathed, sounding somewhat relieved. You had taken a while to make your decision. “Are you free to talk?”

He sounded tired and unlike his usual self, and a part of you wanted to rush over and talk to him in person, to check in on him and see how he was doing, because as much as yesterday hadn’t been nice for you, it hadn’t been too great for him either… However, you knew that was a bad idea, you’d said you had needed time. A few hours wasn’t that. 

“Um, yeah,” you replied, opening your mouth again to remind him about what you’d said yesterday, but already he was rushing forward, eager to say his piece. 

“I’m sorry I didn’t call last night, I guess… I guess I needed time too.” He sounded hesitant, and you didn’t have the heart to tell him you had never been expected (nor wanting) a phone call. “Do you want to meet up for lunch?”

Your voice was gentle. “I don’t think that’s a good idea today.” Maybe he’d misunderstood you, you needed longer, besides, things weren’t going to get sorted out in under an hour during your lunch break from work. It wasn’t as simple as that – you wished it was. 

There was a pause his side, then – “Are you sure you’re not mad at me?”

“Seokjin, I’m not mad,” you sighed softly. “I’m just…” What were you? Frustrated more than anything. It was hard to explain. In a way you felt sorry for him, but you also felt sorry for Nana. “I have a lot of questions that I don’t think I’m ready to ask just yet.” 

His voice was careful as he asked you, “When do you think you will be ready?”

“I don’t know,” you told him truthfully. “I need time to think and it’s pretty hard when I have work all week.” Neglecting your job was foolish – impossible to think of, actually. 

“I understand.” Of course he did. He was nothing but understanding when it came to you and your relationship together. That’s the Seokjin you knew and adored… the one you loved… 

“Is Arin okay?” You found yourself asking. You knew you should probably say your goodbyes, but you’d woken up feeling terribly guilty that you’d just upped and left her like that yesterday. “I’m sorry I ran off without saying goodbye to her.” 

“She’s doing okay, I tried telling…” He trailed off suddenly, and you guessed he thought he was overstepping the mark. The mark you’d put in place. “She asked where you went, I said something came up.” 

“Oh.” You’d thought about popping your head around the door and saying goodbye yesterday but just couldn’t do it. You hated to think she’d thought you had left her too. “I really am sorry about that.”  

“Y/N, it’s fine. Please never be sorry,” he murmured softly. 

You smiled sadly at his sentiment. “Are you okay?” You shouldn’t really ask, not when you needed to hang up and take that space you both needed, but you couldn’t help yourself. It felt wrong not to check in. 

“Could be better,” he chuckled slightly. You appreciated his honesty. “You?” 

“The same.” There was no point pretending. “I think some space will do us good. Let’s just think about everything and then we can talk.” 

“Okay,” he agreed simply. There wasn’t much else he could say. If he disagreed in any way you knew he would never tell you. He wanted to respect your wishes. 

“I’ll call you towards the end of the week?” You could get through the work week, have some time to yourself in the evenings and then meet up on Saturday. 

“Yeah, that sounds good. I agree.” Yet, he sounded a little dejected. 

“Okay.” You had to leave it at that. “I gotta go,” you told him, even though you were in no rush to leave for work, already in your classroom. 

“Of course, bye, Y/N.” You heard some background noise and then a familiar voice in the background – Misook. As it was for you, life went on. Arin had to get ready for school, he had to get ready for work… You couldn’t both wallow in self-pity all day. “Take care,” he told you. It sounded awkward, as if he didn’t know what to say. 

“Bye, Seokjin.” You felt just the same. Even right at the beginning your phone conversations had never been this wooden. 

You hung up first, and then there was silence, except for the ticking of the clock on the wall opposite. You watched the red second hand move, feeling as if it was mocking you.

The week was slow. It was an average one, but it dragged by. On Monday you had to sit through the usual chitchat inside the teacher’s lounge during lunch, catching up on everyone’s weekends. When Eunbi asked how yours had gone you’d breezed past it, expertly changing the subject to her weekend visiting Jungkook’s parents. Other than that, there was really no need for Seokjin to come up in conversation, which you were thankful for. You spent the rest of the week busy with the children, staying behind a lot later than usual just because it was easier inside your classroom. 

At home you found yourself missing Seokjin like crazy. Ever since your first date you’d been in regular contact throughout the week, and then when things had gotten serious, you’d spoken to him every day – even if it was just on the phone in the evenings once school started back. For all contact to be gone was strange. You hated it, felt as if a part of you was missing. But you knew it needed to be done. As the days went (dragged) by you no longer felt overwhelmed by Sunday’s events. The shock had worn off and you had time to dissect it all, whether it be over dinner on your own when Soo was working late, or when you were in bed for the night, waiting to drop off. The more you broke it down the easier it was to place things in different categories. All the things that had shocked you, the things that had hurt you, and then finally, the things that had made you feel guilty. 

On Thursday night you promised your mom you’d have dinner with her. Jonathon was abroad visiting his children and she hadn’t been able to get time off work to join him. She was bored at home all alone, so you really couldn’t say no despite a part of you wanting to. Before you arrived you’d made the decision not to tell her about your…what could you call it? It was hardly an argument with Seokjin. A disagreement..? Whatever it was, you didn’t want to worry her. After all this time she was over the moon you’d finally met someone you really cared about and you knew it was stupid, but you didn’t want to make her worry.  

However, that all went out the window as soon as she opened the door to you. She was your mom for crying out loud, who could you confide in if it wasn’t her? She listened to you attentively. All your thoughts, all your worries – even if the potatoes were at risk of cremating, and it felt good to have your mother by your side. 

“Seokjin is a lovely man, anyone can see that, but he’s allowed his flaws. He’s only human,” she reasoned, your conversation coming back to the way he’d acted around Nana. You knew your mother was right, and you were in no way judging him for it, but it had been very jarring seeing him change so suddenly. “Obviously he and his ex-wife bring out the worst in each other. Sounds to me as if they’re so used to hurting one another it’s become the norm.” 

You nodded in silent agreement, thinking back to them hurling abuse at one another as if it was the most natural thing. In a way it had turned into a competition. Who could hurt one other the most. In the end, Seokjin had dealt the final blow. You. You could still see the hurt on Nana’s face now, even though it was days ago. It made your chest heavy all over again. You told your mom just as much. 

“There’s no need to feel so guilty, love,” she told you, wrapping an arm around your shoulders. “None of this is your fault. Seokjin, whether it was intentionally or unintentionally, used you as a way to hurt Nana, and you need to tell him that you’re not okay with that.” 

That was the part that had hurt the most now that you’d had enough time to think. Above all else, not telling Nana about you, the catalyst that led to his divorce, it was being used as some kind of weapon that stuck out. You had never wanted that. You had never asked for it. 

“You are his girlfriend first and foremost.” Your mom continued. “Yes, you care for Arin but these things need to be spoken about first. You have never wanted to be, nor felt like you were the child’s mother. You know your boundaries and so should he.” 

She was correct. You’d been so hesitant not to overstep the mark these past few months. You’d even been in two minds whether or not to offer to babysit Arin that weekend. You’d thought Seokjin understood that, your cautiousness when it came to the role you played in her life. After all, your relationship was still new, and Nana was very much a part of Arin’s life. However he had disregarded that all to throw a few cheap shots. 

Your conversation shifted to Arin then. It was easy to sympathise with her, after all you’d been in her shoes once. Parents who seemed to fight more than they did talk. It had gotten better for you though, their relationship turning amiable once the divorce had settled. For Arin, it seemed to be only getting worse. You wished you could talk some sense into Seokjin. He might’ve thought that Arin was okay with her parents barely having any contact but you knew that wasn’t the case. It had been very telling to hear that Arin never brought Seokjin up in conversation with her own mother. That’s why it had taken Nana so long to find out about you. Deep down that little girl knew that her mom didn’t want to hear her dad’s name, and that was heart breaking. 

Somewhere along the way, your mom asked you what you thought about Arin calling you her stepmother. Despite it being done innocently, the weight of the word meant so much more to the adults in the situation and you agreed. It had been strange to hear, and not just because it had come from Nana’s mouth. You were serious about Seokjin and could see a future with him, and that meant being in Arin’s life permanently. That word wasn’t so farfetched and you’d had plenty of time to think about it this week. What it meant for you, Arin, and of course Nana. 

“How did you feel when dad first met Dahae?” You asked your mom. These things had never really come up in conversation before, which was surprising, but right now you needed any advice and insight you could get. Your mom had been in Nana’s shoes once after all. All those years ago. 

“I was…happy for him,” she replied hesitantly. “It took time. It’s a confusing thing. I no longer loved your father but it felt strange to see him with someone else. Of course, everyone is different. Not one relationship is the same,” she added. 

You nodded in understanding. Your father had met Dahae, his wife, when you were twelve. You had grown up with her and it didn’t feel odd to think of her as a second mom. You still called her by her name but when in conversation with others you often referred to her as your stepmom. Always had, for as long as you could remember. Maybe it was after the wedding, but you couldn’t be too sure. Definitely before she gave birth to your siblings though. 

It was different with Jonathon. He’d always been “your mother’s husband” and not because you didn’t care for him or think he was a lovely man. He was, and you liked him very much, it was just… You were an adult when you met him, twenty to be exact, living across the country for college. The bond wasn’t quite there like it was with Dahae, but your mom understood that – so did Jonathon. But it made you pause and think. You’d never asked your mom how she felt hearing you call Dahae your stepmother. It had never crossed your mind until now. 

“I didn’t like the idea at first, I have to admit, but who would?” She confessed. “It’s hard not to feel hurt or threatened, a whole load of different emotions,” she gave a small shrug, “but meeting Dahae, and seeing how kind a woman she was, and how much you meant to her made me see things differently.” 

You smiled, silently hoping that one Nana would think and feel the same way when it came to you. You could only cross your fingers and try your best in the meantime. 

Your mom nudged you, a playful lilt to her voice. “I think you’re very lucky to have two wonderful women in your life that love you and want the best for you – and yes, that’s a brag on my part.” 

You laughed with her, but your worries were getting the best of you again, turning you sombre. “What if Nana never accepts me though?” 

“I think you should only think about that if it happens,” she replied. “There’s no point expecting the worst right now.” 

You still didn’t feel very hopeful though, it was probably written all over your face. Sweeping some hair out of your eyes, your mother’s voice was soft. “Love, she had no idea you existed, I think her anger was warranted.” A pause, tone changing. “Although, not at you. I’m not very happy about that.” 

You chuckled at that. “It’s fine. You know I can look after myself.” You were feisty when you wanted to be, or scrappy as Seokjin had so comically put it once. 

Wrapping an arm around you once more, she squeezed you gently. “Talk to him.” She urged. “You miss him. This time apart is getting pointless, you already know how you feel.” 

You did. Your feelings were as strong as ever. 

You had been itching to pick up the phone last night and just call him already, but you’d said Saturday. You only had one day left at work, you could hold out until then. It would be better that way, you didn’t want to interrupt a potentially busy day. Friday’s were often crazy for him, you didn’t want to be a distraction. 

However, come morning break you bumped into Hoseok coming out of your classroom, eager to rush to your car and grab the apple that must have rolled out of your bag and onto the seat. (Hopefully – if it was on the floor it was going in the trash ASAP). 

“Hi, Y/N. How are you today?” He politely asked. 

“Fine, thank you.” Talking with Hoseok always came easily, regardless of his position as the principal. “Glad it’s the weekend tomorrow. How about you?” 

“My thoughts exactly,” he laughed, before adding, “Although, I hear Arin’s started hers early.” 

“Oh?” You were immediately lost. Had you missed something? You hadn’t seen Arin at school all week, which wasn’t strange. Your paths rarely crossed these days unless you were on yard duty, and if you were being honest, you were glad it hadn’t been this week. She must have had an inkling something was wrong right now, she hadn’t seen you at all since Sunday, so you were relieved to know you didn’t have to answer any awkward questions. It was selfish, you knew that, but you couldn’t help it. 

Hoseok looked confused by your reaction, but carried on regardless, shaking it off. “Seokjin called up yesterday, said she’d be visiting her mom earlier this weekend if it was possible. I figured maybe you and he had plans for tonight.” 

You froze, forcing yourself to reply because your boss was waiting for one. “Oh, no.” You swallowed, coming up blank. “No plans.” 

If Hoseok noticed your woodenness he didn’t let on. “One day couldn’t possibly hurt her education, right? But don’t tell the board I said that,” he added with a laugh. 

You made yourself join in, although your mind was racing. “Secret’s safe with me.” 

He smiled at you, giving you a nod. “Enjoy your weekend, alright? See you Monday.” 

Thank God he had somewhere to be. You nodded back, watching him already begin to walk away. “And you, Hoseok.” 

You proceeded to sit in your car for twenty minutes, half eaten apple already turning brown as you racked your brain. It wasn’t Nana’s weekend to have Arin. Was something wrong? You were probably being silly, conjuring up the worst case scenarios for no reason. If something had happened, Seokjin would have contacted you. He knew he could always count on you, but… You had told him you needed space and he’d agreed. He was a man of his word, so if something had happened, what if he thought he couldn’t call you?

You pulled your phone out of your bag at the thought, clicking on his contact but stopped yourself when you saw the time. You had just under five minutes to be back at class… I’m being irrational, you told yourself. If something was wrong he would have informed Hoseok, and the principal sounded absolutely fine. You were worrying for no reason. If something had happened, something bad, he wouldn’t hesitate to reach out to you. You knew that, and so did he. Only a few more hours and you’d get to talk to him. Most of those involved sleep. You could wait until tomorrow morning. You could. 

.

.

You couldn’t. 

It was half 9 and you were home alone. It was Soojung and Taehyung’s date night and she was spending the night at his place, so all you had for company were your own thoughts – and RJ, the alpaca plush Seokjin had won for all those months previous. You couldn’t possibly wait until tomorrow, your mom was right, what was the point in waiting when you knew how you felt. You wanted to see Seokjin, to talk to him and feel him. You missed him like crazy. 

Turning the television down low you grabbed for your phone which had slipped in between the sofa cushions. This time you didn’t hesitate, no work commitments calling your name, and dialled Seokjin’s number straight away. He picked up after only two rings. 

 “Y/N,” he breathed, sounding more than surprised. 

“Hey, you,” you smiled into the receiver. It felt good to hear his voice again. 

“I wasn’t expecting you to call tonight.” 

“Sorry, I hope I’m not interrupting anything.” 

“Of course not. Well,” he paused to laugh, “I was just about to head to bed.” 

He sounded a lot like his usual self tonight, it eased your mind. You laughed along softly, a confession slipping past your lips. “I was going to wait until tomorrow but Soojung is with Taehyung tonight and being alone means I can’t stop thinking about you.” 

You heard a sigh of relief his end. “I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you all week.” The longing in his voice didn’t go unnoticed. “Are you ready to talk? I’m willing to answer any questions you have.” 

“I’m ready,” you nodded. “Should I come over? I don’t want to do this over the phone.” 

“I can come to you?” He suggested instead. “Arin’s with Nana until Sunday.” 

“Oh.” You thought to ask him how come, but stopped yourself, you could get to that in person. He didn’t sound upset, which you took as a good sign. “Okay. Now?” 

“It’s not too late?” He checked. 

“No, it’s fine.” You were eager, shaking you head as you replied, and you couldn’t stop yourself from smiling. “I really want to see you.” 

You could hear his smile too. “I’ll be there soon, okay? Really soon.” You heard his footsteps along the floor, the sound of a drawer opening as if he was finding something to wear. 

“Don’t speed,” you added, as a joke more than anything. 

“Of course I won’t,” he laughed. “I’m going to hang up now but I won’t be long.” 

“Okay, see you soon, Seokjin.” It was silly, but you didn’t want the phone call to end even though in under half an hour he’d be here. 

But you could be patient. 

You could. 

Written 2020 - 2021. Please refrain from posting my work elsewhere. No translations allowed. © floralseokjin 2021

[0celesteisthebest0]

Take A Chance On Me

Word Count: 8,843

Pairing: Jack “Whiskey” Daniels x Fem! Reader(no y/n)

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Warnings: explicit language, hurt/comfort, angst, mentions of both Taos and Washington, mentions of moonshine, emotional breakdown, talk of death, anxiety with difficult decisions, lots of difficult emotions and feelings (please tell me if I should add anymore.)

Authors Notes: BOOM BABY I’m back with aN EMOTIONAL BOMBSHELL! HI!!! I think it’s been a month? But I’m here and as promised I’m continuing the series! Not going to stop either, I have at least three chapters completed and a rough outline of the rest so!!!! I’m very excited and will do my best not to spoil! Other than that OOOO BOY, this chapter is a lot and again I’m sorry like rereading it I am really sorry. The topics that I go into are difficult so please as a reminder if the things I write about are triggering stop reading! I don’t want to unintentionally harm someone. We have officially reached act three up to this point folks so I’m very excited on what’s to come! Its not all heaviness though there is some fluff? Again I know I do this every chapter but every single release I am forever happy for those who stayed and stuck with this story, it means a lot to me and I hope you enjoy❤️

Chapter 26: The File

What… 

The flash drive that Jack nearly died to get is just gone. You couldn’t think…so many things keep happening at once so it's all too much to take. 

“Okay, it's okay to panic but right now what we gotta focus on is that this isn’t the end of the world.” This was a bad situation so it was best to be level headed and try to think who in the Statesman organization would’ve taken it. You knew Liz wouldn’t misplace something so important and asking her that question would be inconsiderate. 

“I’m gonna get fired, fuck, all of this is my fault. Maybe Vodka was right, maybe I don’t deserve to be on the field. I messed up and now,” Liz started to spiral and you had to think quick. 

“No, we aren’t going to do that. Liz focus on me, nothing else okay?” She stared at you, eyes close to welling up, “Vodka has never been right about anything in his life. Don’t let that assholes complaints of your character fuck with you. Because Liz you are brilliant and you are not at fault okay?”

“Then where’s the flash drive? If I’m so brilliant, where's the one thing I wasn’t supposed to misplace?” 

“Alright stop that, no belittling yourself Liz, I’ll find it I have a feeling that someone took it…” You quickly pieced together a half assed plan and asked Liz one more question. “Do you need to give this to Champ today?” She nodded and your plan could work perfectly then. 

“Okay, so just tell him that the flash drive is having trouble being encrypted properly because of… sequencing stuff? And we can figure out how to find it.” It was a pieced together solution but it was a solution none to less.

“You won’t be fired, okay, we can fix this situation.” 

“But what if we can’t find it,” she muttered, twiddling her thumbs and continuing to focus on you and not on the ground.

“Then we’ll improvise, Liz go tell Champ that the flash drive is having sequencing issues then take the day. I’ll do my best to find the drive,” you rubbed her shoulder and let go. “I can’t let you fix my mistakes,” you shook your head and Liz got up from her chair to stop you from doing that. You grabbed both her shoulders and gave her a hug.

“Liz go tell Champ then go home,” you reiterated and went off to find the drive and the person who took it. “Take care of yourself and text me when you get home. I don’t want to see you around here.” 

Find the drive, figure out what the file Scotch gave you meant, finish the paperwork Champ gave you, and try to survive the day without overextending yourself. You could do this! You just have to focus on the drive first and do the paperwork later. What you had to do first is create a suspect list of who would’ve taken the drive. This doesn’t seem like it was taken by accident and it must have been someone who was close to the Golden Apple case which was… basically every agent and techie imaginable. 

So you gotta limit it, you thought to yourself as you made your way into your office and opened up your laptop. People who wanna target Liz specifically and the only person who came to mind was Vodka. After that meeting with Vodka, he was the number one suspect on the lists. Now you just had to figure out his schedule to see if he was in the office when the drive was stolen. You looked at the agents in and out of office through your laptop and your top suspect was surprisingly innocent because he was out on a mission in Florida. 

Fucking shit, you just had to keep looking...

——<><>—<><>——

Well this all seemed strange, all the suspects were out of the office and the only people here were other techies. The thing is you knew from past experiences that they didn’t have anything against Liz. You pinched the bridge of your nose from this situation and tried your best not to spiral.

You spent the majority of the day dealing with the problem that you didn’t realize it was thirty minutes past five. Shit, you hurriedly shoved the file Scotch gave you into your bag and ran off to your car so you weren’t even more late to meet up with Scotch. The drive there involved you impatiently biting your bottom lip as you maneuvered through traffic to get to the parking garage that Scotch wrote you to go to. When you finally got there the second floor of the parking garage was empty except for two cars. A black van and an old honda civic that Scotch was leaning on the hood of. He saw your headlights and continued to leisurely wait for you to park. You parked right next to his car and quickly got out to see what he wanted you to meet him here for. 

“You're late, I told you to specifically not be late,” Scotch’s tired voice croaked as he grabbed something from his jacket. He pulled out a pack of cigarettes and grabbed a single cigarette from the pack. He grabbed a lighter from his pocket and lit the cigarette with a shaky hand. 

“I'm late but I’m here aren't I?…Didn’t know you smoked,” you brought up and went next to him to lean on his car. He offered you the pack and you shook your head. 

“Yeah, well you go back to old habits when times are tough,” he puffed the cigarettes and the light was the thing that illuminated his wrinkled face. He scowled and didn’t really look your way. He looked off to the distance, tense from the discussion he was trying to have with you, it didn’t seem he knew how to start so you decided to speak up from his distant position. 

“So you secretly called me here to just smoke? All that secrecy just to smoke with me,” you tried to lighten the mood by softly elbowing Scotch. His scowl turned into a slight annoyed expression which was honestly better than what it was before. 

“Brandy, I’m going to ask you something difficult from you,” he puffed the remnants of the cigarette and dropped the butt of the cigarette on the floor and stepped on it. Difficult? He rubbed his hand over his face and moved from his position to open the car and grabbed a thick file of work. “Oh you gotta be kidding me are you serious Scotch, tell me to come all the way over here to just give me more work to do,” you exclaimed, furious from all of this unnecessary bullshit. You could’ve gone to Jack’s house instead of coming to some parking lot to get more shit to do. 

“Stop your moaning, this isn’t what you think it is, just read the file,” you huffed and snatched the file from his hand. You read the first page which was scrawled with Scotch’s handwriting detailing the profile of Agent Moonshine. You flipped through the file and it had all the people Moonshine was connected to through missions and most importantly through private interactions. Pictures of Vodka conversing with him and new agents that you weren’t familiar with. The next pages were lists and lists of individuals that were close to Moonshine and you snapped your head away from the file and stared at Scotch who grabbed another cigarette to light. 

“What is this Scotch,” you were somewhat mortified from the consistent note taking that chronicled everything from Moonshine to you and the connections everyone had together. 

“You know what it is, keep reading,” he muttered and kept puffing a cigarette. The fumes wafted your direction and you begrudgingly ignored it and continued to read the file. Bank statements of four different agents and ten different techies highlighted the same number on the same date. What the hell was this, Gin, Bourbon, Vodka, and Moonshine were the agents accepting money from Golden Apple and countless other techies. You saw pictures and it just made you so angry that this happened. You can’t believe that Gin would do this, Vodka sure but Gin?

You closed the file out of anger and dropped it with force on the hood of the car. You started to pace around and you just couldn't help but yell. 

“What the actual fuck,” you bellowed and Scotch just stood there continuing to puff finally looking at you going in circles. “Why are you showing me this? Why not Champ, what the hell is all of this Scotch!” 

“Scream it out some more, it helps,” he huffed and you didn’t know if he was telling you that out of sarcasm. You groaned frustrated from the information and now you had ten different techies to investigate to see if they had the drive that was taken from Liz. 

“So there's a whole army of cockroaches accepting bribes from the terrorist group that we’ve been putting all our resources into! And well I don’t know how long you had this information but why couldn’t you fucking tell Champ about it, he is the big decision maker of the Statesman!! Why are you telling this to me?!” You demanded from the quiet Scotch. 

“I can’t trust Champ to make proper decisions but I can trust you,” he stated coolly and you looked at him bewildered. 

“Why can’t you trust him,” you said quieter from your previous statements and he sighed and looked at you with the look he’s given you a million times. Stern but calculating and you stopped your pacing. 

“You don’t trust him either,” he puffs the cigarette and drops it to the floor, “It’s a gut feeling and you have it too.”  

You stayed silent and just tried to process all of this information you went back to lean on the car. You picked at your fingers to alleviate the stress of this feeling of being betrayed. 

“Look I don’t trust him because he’s cracking at the surface. He isn’t like he used to be…I see him drinking at work any chance he gets. I know I can trust you with this,” he scratched the stubble of his chin and sighed softly at your continued silence. 

“You’re asking me to do something about this aren’t you,” you broke the long silence to look at his eyes which were apologetic. 

“Yes” His answer echoed out in your ear and the exhaustion from this morning multiplied by ten and your bones felt the pang of pain. He saw the pained expression on your face as he said that and he sighed. 

“I’m sorry Brandy, really I am… I can’t do anything about this but supply information. I know it's selfish but these old bones can’t continue to save the world. I gotta make up these years of pain and misery to spend with my grandkids,” he explained his thoughts to you calmly. The stern mentor… has become the exhausted grandfather. It was so strange to hear anything from him about his personal life. Built a wall higher than yours and you modeled yourself from his stoicism. 

“I can’t do this Scotch, I-,” you sighed and bit your lips hoping they would bleed. 

“Brandy I know you can, you are one of the best agents I have had the opportunity to guide. You don’t have to do this alone either. I know three other agents that would help you without question,” He said softly and the pit in your stomach lurched at the mention of them helping you with this mission of death. 

“I’m not talking about that Scotch… I don’t want to continue doing this anymore, I’ve been doing this for a good chunk of my life. And I sure as hell don’t want to bring them into this,” you declared with your voice cracking with emotion. “Can’t you find someone else to do this.” You knew you were selfish for asking him that, he came to you because you are able to handle these situations but you can’t do it anymore and you sure as hell don’t want to involve Isaac, Liz, and Jack into this. Especially Jack, he seems just as exhausted from all this as just like you. 

“There's no one else who can do this, I’m asking for a lot and I apologize but just hear me out okay?” He looked at you with that same desperate look he gave you while giving you the file. 

“The Statesman is being infiltrated so I can trust no one but you with this information. You can’t bring this up with local police or even the FBI cause they don’t even know we exist and basically create more issues. There's no one else to do this but you, you’re capable of working without Statesman help. I've seen you do it,” he argued for you to make a decision on this. 

“What about the Kingsman, can’t they do something?” You remarked and he moved his hand in a so-so movement. 

“The Kingsman are just getting their shit together from the time they got infiltrated by rats. They don’t have the resources to deal with this,” you groaned and the pressure of this was already getting to you. 

“Well what resources do I have? I don’t understand why you can’t get the Kingsman involved in this mess, it'll affect them too! Not to mention what exactly do you want me to do? Stop the group on my own? Deal with the rat problem first? What do you want me to do!” He sighed loudly at your questions. 

“I want you to fix this, to clean up the Statesman and the only way in which you can do that is..” 

“Taking down Golden Apple,” you grimaced. 

“Like I said before you don’t have to do it alone, there are other agents in the Statesman that aren’t involved, Ginger seems like she can help and-” you tuned out the rest he had to say and the pit in your stomach seemed to be growing into something malignant. You don’t want them to get involved, you can’t let them get involved. But you couldn’t fix all of this alone.

“Look Agent, the Kingsman are still getting a hold of their system. The best people to help in this situation are people you know and trust, plus how exactly are you going to contact the Kingsman without alerting Champ. They can’t help you.” There seemed to be two decisions as play, take the file and take them down or walk away and let the world crumble. If you walked away you would be able to rest but… it wouldn’t be worth it if the Statesman were taken over by a terrorist group. Especially with the ideology they have, it would cause more problems that would be impossible to stop. If you worked on the case you could potentially get hurt or killed… and depending on the missions you were on they could cause more trauma that you don’t need. If all the missions were like Washington, you would not be able to deal with all the emotional strife. 

The decision was basically to risk the sanctity of the world or your own mental and physical well being. You could either be selfish or selfless… this feeling of anxiety in your chest and throat couldn’t help you think. 

“But-there has to be another way, right? There's always another solution,” you tried to find something, tried to find a loophole. Denial of what was in front of you was the only thing that you were grasping onto. 

“Brandy… this is the only solution. I’m sorry that I’m putting this on you,” he said sincerely but that wasn’t going to help the pain in the future.

“Is this some kind of sick joke!” You barked at Scotch and his posture remained the same and it annoyed you further.

“I’m the only one to fix this!! You’ve got to be kidding! You give me a mission report that you knew would effect me and then you get me to come at this stupid fucking parking lot to tell me the organization I’ve been apart of has a bunch of rats and say that I have to fix all this shit!!” You let all of this out and tears pricked from your eyes as the anger and sadness continued to pour out of you. This wasn’t fair, this was another cruel punishment that the world has given you.

“There are tons of agents that you could ask for help, there are only four people that work with Golden apple yet I’m the only person who can fix this? You sound ridiculous!” 

“Brandy,” he tried to touch your shoulder to calm you but you continued the rage. 

“No, don’t Brandy me! You get to be selfish, why am I the one you appointed to do this? Is it because you thought the loyal footsoldier would sacrifice everything like she has so many times in the past! Answer me Scotch!!” Your tears streamed down your cheeks from frustration. 

“You aren’t a footsoldier! Listen to me, you were a person I saw with my very own eyes go into a situation in Chicago with only a baseball bat- you weren’t even an agent-.” No, he doesn’t get to talk about it, he’s not allowed to talk about it. Hearing someone say something about that day just made the tears worse. 

“That’s not an achievement! I don’t think you understand that it was out of selfish behavior, I can’t help people like you want me to,” your voice continued to crack showing that you obviously couldn’t do this.

“You’ve helped people before, Brandy, and I don't see anything selfish about that,” he argued with you. You put your face in your hands and did your best to collect yourself from the huge weight placed on you. There really was only one solution to this problem. You were able to put your needs for others with no problem but it just hurts to do it now. But if we were able to survive this, you would get some rest. You’d be able to sleep in with Jack by your side only worrying about laundry and dishes for the day. You’d be able to rest…

“Fuck you… I just can’t believe this Scotch really. You drop this on me like a going away present- Give me the fucking file and tell me any other information about it.” You yelled at him fuming at all of this. 

“You're doing this?” He was surprised at your statement.

“I'm doing this but not for you,” you grimaced and that feeling in your chest felt like it was going to close up your throat so you could never speak. He gave you the file and you huffed at all the stress that he’s putting you through.

“Why are you doing this?” You glared at him … why were you doing this? Really!?

“I’m not explaining why Scotch, you’ve already done enough. Just give me any further details and you can go off and retire,” you said bitterly and after he got yelled at from you he pulled out another cigarette from his pack.

“I haven’t seen you get this upset since you first started out,” he replied with a spark from his lighter. 

“Yeah well you really pissed me off, we aren’t reminiscing here! Just give me the information and I'll be your footsoldier,” you remarked annoyed from this conversation and you just desperately wanted to go home. 

“You know I don’t see you as that ,” he defended himself in that stoic tone. 

“It feels just like that, why did you drop this on me… can’t you do it,” you finally let that thought out of your head and the look of disappointment washed over Scotch’s features. 

“I have something to lose,” you scoffed at his statement.

“And I don’t? The people in my life who would cry if I died aren’t anything to you,” you twisted the knife into him with the pain of doing this mission will cost you. He stayed silent and chose not to stare at you anymore and just continued to puff out cigarette smoke.

“The file has everything you need… I do have a couple of things to inform you about. Ginger ale isn’t going to be the next Scotch. I have no say in who it can be and from what I’ve heard it’s going to be another member of the Golden Apple,” you huffed at the blatant disrespect of Ginger once again. She was a better agent than half of these people combined. 

“Is the person who took the flash drive from Washington also a Golden Apple or did you not hear about that?” You needed at least one win for today considering the horrible chain of events that was plaguing you. He pinched his brow at your question and grabbed something from his jacket, you assumed it was another cigarette because he hasn’t stopped smoking since you got here. 

“Not quite,” he pulled out the missing drive and handed it to you. You were dumbfounded.

“Seriously…” you looked at the drive and nothing seemed to be tampered with. 

“Didn’t want anyone to have that information other than you, it’ll be important later on,” he grunted and you just shook your head. 

“So how the hell is Ginger going to explain this to Champ then? That she just lost it?” You demanded from him, this could cost Liz her job for fucks sake. 

“I have a fake in my office, I'm just gonna put it back.” You glared at him and decided not to deal with whatever this was and assumed that was the last thing he was going to say to you. 

“Wait, here.” He gave you one more item and that was the keys of the van that was parked right next to him. 

“You’ll be traveling a lot and it’s best to not go on the plane, paper trail and all.”

You grabbed the keys from his hand and nodded at him. You went to your car to put all the items in your car. 

You left without saying goodbye… what was there to say to him. Thank you? Have fun with your grandkids? The pit of this was planted by Scotch and all you could do was move to your car to drive home, away from this mess. 

The lingering smell of cigarette smoke prodded your nose as you went home. The discomfort of the smells and the tension that is ever growing through your shoulders.The anger, the pain and the feelings of grief for what's to come. The traffic to your way back home was abysmal and the walk to your apartment was quick. You grabbed all of the things Scotch gave you and haphazardly placed them on your desk and piled the new items with your laptop and your notepad with notes related to the Golden Apple situation. This was all the information for the mission you were going to embark on and the overwhelming thoughts of what could happen didn’t stop you pacing around your apartment trying to figure out exact things you can do... you had one option but you haven’t been there for a long time. 

Damn, okay no time to think about the mission right now… you haven’t checked in on Liz since earlier in the day. You haven’t even looked at your phone since you went to the parking garage. You pulled out your phone which you put on silent and saw a variety of texts from Liz and Jack. There were two missing calls from Liz and you quickly called her to alleviate her stress.

Well try to, you weren’t even sure how to explain this situation to her. The phone continued to ring and you paced around.

“Liz,” you said as the phone stopped ringing and on the other side you heard Liz’s slightly panicked voice.

“Did you find something?” 

“Yes, I did… look you gotta listen to me alright. The drive will appear in your office tomorrow, I can’t explain why over the phone. Don’t trust anyone, we gotta talk about something in private,” you continued to pace around as you quickly told Liz everything you could. “I don’t understand, what do you mean,” she seemed confused and honestly the panic in your voice isn’t exactly helping. You sounded frantic and all this information is making you speak quickly. A deep breath was taken and you stopped pacing and closed your eyes.

“I can’t explain it right now… just don’t trust anyone. The drive will appear again- and Liz?” Your eyes were closed and it seemed it was making you calm down in some way. She hummed and waited patiently for what you had to say.

“Tomorrow after work, meet me at my place. Tell Isaac and no one else,” you listed and you tried to manage all the things you could do at this very moment. You were gonna call off of work after so many unprecedented things that happened today so that is next on your things to do and most importantly tell Jack what happened. You breathed in and waited for Liz’s response.

“Hun, are you okay, what’s going on?” she uttered and the continued stress continued to stab at your head. “I’m sorry but I can’t explain right now… just please don’t trust anyone at the office other than me, Jack, and Isaac.” 

“Okay… are you going to be okay?” She obviously saw there was some inner conflict happening with you and you didn't want to lie to her. 

“I’m pissed… It's too much to go through. Again I'll tell you about it tomorrow, don’t worry about me,” you told her earnestly. 

“Hope you get some rest, see you tomorrow then,” she told you quietly.

“Bye,” you responded and ended the call. You sighed and went to call off for work. Man you really didn’t want to talk to Champ right now but you had to tell him that you weren’t showing up tomorrow. You pressed the number and just ripped the bandaid off. Get it over with you complain to yourself.

“Brandy? Why are you calling,” Champ’s irritated voice echoed in your ear and your annoyance grew. 

“Yeah, I’m just calling to tell you I’m not showing up to work tomorrow and I’ll give you the paperwork from today Monday.” You kept it brief and wasn’t really asking to take the day off just saying you weren’t going to show up. There was a sigh on the other line and there wasn’t an immediate answer. 

“Okay… why exactly are you taking the day off,” you made a frustrated face and rolled your eyes. 

“Personal reasons,” you responded quickly.

“Right, we'll see you on Monday then.” You ended the call and you took a deep breath. You looked at the text messages that Jack sent you to make yourself feel better.

Sweetheart I know you’re bein’ a busy bee and I hope you get some food but look at what I’m cookin’ up

It was a badly taken picture of chili, it was blurry and you could barely see the texture of the food. You giggled at how blurry it was, Jack was a man of many talents, photography wasn’t a talent of his. There were more pictures of the chili and not a single one was in focus. You continued to look at the messages that he sent and the most recent one was a little after you left from the parking lot with Scotch.

Baby, how are you feelin’

Is everythin’ okay?

You sighed and tried to figure out what you wanted to say to him. It wouldn’t be a good idea to tell him over text or through call. You typed out things repeatedly but kept deleting what you wanted to say, the offer of going over his house slithered to the front of your head and you wondered if he wouldn’t mind you coming over.

Is it still okay if I come over to your place? 

You fidgeted with your phone and scrolled on different apps waiting for an answer.

Of course my love

——<><>—<><>——

Jack was patiently waiting for your arrival, he knew you were going to be tense from the events of the day and he couldn’t blame you. From what you told him, the Statesman were obviously overworking you and more so because you weren’t out on the field. His leg couldn’t stop bouncing and he couldn’t help but be somewhat anxious of what could’ve happened between you and Scotch. He laid back on his brown leather couch and tried to stay cool. He looked at the ceiling counting and waiting on you. 

Scotch wouldn’t do anything stupid, he thought and tried to think back about what he’d talk to you about. It was probably the whole situation with Liz and her trying to be an agent. At a time in the past he didn’t think she was suitable to be out in the field but she’s proven herself time and time again. He put in a good word with her the last time he was speaking with Scotch and he hoped to at least hear some good news regarding that. It just seemed as of late all he heard was bad things.

The tension of his muscles were fading and that was at least something positive that he could latch onto from the negative clouds forming around him. He was also able to clean around his place today. So it was necessary to focus on at least the positives that were around him right now.

There was a knock on his door and he quickly got up to open the door expecting you. What he didn’t expect when he opened that door was an empty expression and tired eyes. You had the usual Statesman attire but it wasn’t as clean as you usually presented yourself. Your button up wasn’t fully buttoned and wasn’t tucked in properly. The neat hair that he was used to was falling out of your bun and your general expression reflected the state that you were in. You had a bag strung over you and it seemed to be big and burly. Disarray… all he thought was he wanted to comfort you the best he could. He carefully grabbed your hand and guided you to his couch. He removed the bag and put it on the side of the couch. 

“Baby, sit down, I'm gonna get you some water, okay?” You nodded and all your movements were unbelievably tense. He went off to the kitchen to get you some water and thought that you could also use a blanket. He grabbed the bottle of water and quickly went off to his room to get the closest blanket available. He went back to you and you didn’t look like you moved a muscle but your facial features were different now. It no longer looked empty, instead you looked like you were in deep thought away from this world. He sat down and wrapped the blanket around you. You looked at him finally and the pain in your eyes was unparalleled to anything he’s ever seen. Watery and in pain.

“Darlin what’s wrong,” he put the water on his coffee table and grabbed your hands. Your pain ridden expression didn’t change but became worse from that question. You closed your eyes and put your face on his chest. Curious from your movements he placed his hand on your back, it caused your muscles to slightly ease.

“You’re tense.” It didn’t seem like you were going to answer that first question anytime soon. He started to massage your back trying to ease the knots that formed from the stress of the day. You sighed softly and nodded weakly at his comment. 

His fingers continue to ease the tension that you held and he only focused on trying his best to comfort you. You muttered something into his chest and he stopped his movements for a second.

“Darlin?”

“Everything is wrong…I wanted to be better, I didn’t want to run into something again, I wanted to be better…” Your voice was quiet and tight, he felt your breath tremble as he continued to massage your back. “Maybe…” 

You sighed and continued to hide in his chest, “maybe I was never meant to be better…maybe all that I am is this forever.” The tension you’ve been carrying shattered and you silently started to sob on his chest and he immediately pulled you from his chest to look at him.

“Sweetheart…”He thumbed away the tears that continued to leak out and looked at your puffy eyes. He put his forehead on yours and that movement seemed to stop your tears from getting worse.

“I don’t want to do this but I have to.” Whisperings that didn’t quite make sense to him kept spewing from your lips and he wanted so badly to help you. Your wants and needs seemed to contradict one another and the cycle was doing it’s toll on you emotionally. 

“Darlin’ what don’t you wanna do?”

“It’s- Scotch asked me to… he pissed me off and- It always seems that it’s-,” you didn’t finish the disjointed thoughts you were feeling right at that moment and groaned loudly annoyed from what seemed like everything this Thursday. 

“It’s okay baby, take your time,” he murmured softly and a sigh of frustration escaped your lips. He knew how difficult it was to tell someone exactly what was going on in your brain. It took you a couple of minutes to continue your feelings on all of this. 

“Throughout the day things kept coming up… from Champ overloading me with paperwork making me work like a work mule and then Scotch- god it feels like I’m some play-thing to them,” you confessed to him quietly. It felt like a feeling you’ve never said aloud, he moved slightly to look at your face. A play thing? Such a cruel title to put upon yourself.

“You aren’t anyone’s play thing, you are your own bein’. I’m sorry that they make you feel like that sweetheart. No one should treat you like just some thing to play with,” you moved from his touch and stared at him with misty eyes. It seemed you didn’t know what to say and looked at Jack with emotion that he didn’t really see from you often. 

“What happened with Scotch if you don’t mind me askin’,” he inquired and you sighed. The look of pain spread across your face again. 

“I- he asked me to do something and… I don’t quite know how to explain it so,” you went to grab that big burly bag and took out two different files and handed him the bigger one. He was perplexed at how big this file was. You looked tense handing him the file and he put it on the coffee table and opened it. Pages of scrawled notes from Scotch and faces of agents. The most prevalent people were Vodka, Moonshine, and Gin. He didn’t stop looking and all the things started to make sense. Everything from Gin leaving you on the second floor on the Taos mission to the influx of Golden Apple lackeys in the forests of Washington. The puzzle became complete and he saw the full picture now. Moonshine wasn’t the only rat… and that filled him with so much rage. At himself for not noticing it sooner and at the Statesman for continuing to let this happen. He looked at you and then back at the papers in front of him. Scotch gave you these to tell you to do something about this… that's what he asked you to do and that's why you felt like some toy for them to send you on missions of death.

Scotch was sending you to a suicide mission.

“He… asked you to do somethin’ about it didn’t he?” He couldn’t help but express his anger that was in his bones when Scotch told you to do this. You nodded at what he said and he rubbed his hand against his chin. It felt like everything was a cyclone surrounding the two of you. A constant feeling of dread ever looming. 

“I’m going to do it…need to do this for myself,” you told him silently and didn’t look him in the eyes. You didn’t want to, you told him you didn’t want to yet you were forcing yourself to. Why were you doing this to yourself? Was this why you kept talking about being better, that you wanted to be better but this came up. 

The feeling of everything pulling at Jack from that statement made him feel stuck. He understood the gravity of the situation, the whole point for the Statesman was to save the world from things like this while risking their lives no problem but the inherent selfishness of not wanting you to risk it all ate at him. Everything flashed before him and all he saw in front of him was someone who was trying so hard to be brave in the face of death. 

“Why did he ask you this? Why did he place such a weight on you sweetheart I don’t understand,” he wanted to know why? Why you? 

 “Champ wouldn’t be able to be helpful with this information and we’re basically invisible to any law entities in the states… I know how to get information without the Statesman so he picked me to do this,” you grimaced at the fact that he chose you specifically to deal with something so deadly. You seemed to be set on tackling this issue even if it seemed dangerous so all he could think of doing is helping you with this burden. 

“You know I can’t let you do it alone,” he grabbed your hand which he knew was going to start fidgeting from the stress. 

“Jack- I’ve done this type of thing alone before… I know how messy it can get. Please I need to do this alone,” you argued with him and your voice started to crack with emotion. Your eyes always gave everything away and the fear was evident. You didn’t want anything to happen to him. 

“Just cause you’ve done this alone in the past doesn’t mean you have to do the same now. Please sweetheart, I can’t let you do this alone,” he tilted your head towards him, which seemed to be more focused on the files than him. 

“I have to Jack, I- I can’t let you I can’t let anyone,” you were so stubborn on this belief that you had to hold the world on your shoulders just so no one had to hurt but you. 

“Why not? Sweetheart, what about protectin’ each other together? I don’t understand why you are so adamant on dealin’ with the weight of this alone,” the tears started to stream down your face again and as an immediate response to your pain he put his chin on top of your head and pulled you close to his chest. He whispered soft words of comfort as you tried to explain your reason to do this alone. 

“ I- don’t want you to get hurt again, I don’t want- I don’t want it to happen again. I can protect-,” you hiccupped out and Jack rubbed your back in comfort. Your sobs turned violent and your breathing was rapid.

“Baby, breathe in with me ok?” He took deep breaths and you did your best to mimic the patterns of his breath. 

“Don’t want- want to be- alone,” you hiccupped out and held you tight. That statement felt like something that scorched him.

“Hey, darlin’, listen to me. I’m not goin’ to get hurt, I know you don’t want it to happen again but you can’t do this all by yourself. If you do this alone you’ll get hurt… I don’t want that,” he continued to hold you down in hopes to calm you down and get your breathing in check. This whole thing scared him so much because if he let you do this alone you could… but if he was there he’d be able to protect you. Just like he promised, protect each other together.

“I- can do it, look, I've done it before.” You reached out for the older looking file to give to him and he refused to take it. You desperately tried to show him you would be able to do this alone but he just couldn’t let you do that to yourself. 

“I’m not sayin’ you can’t. Sweetheart, we can protect each other and do this together. Don’t carry this burden alone.” Tears continued to stream down your face but this time you didn’t fight his statement. You buried your face in his chest and it seemed like that was your way of nonverbally saying that you’d let him help you. My poor girl, he thought to himself, you were really emotionally tuckered out from all of this. 

“I just don’t want you to get hurt Jack,” you reiterated the statement from before and he rubbed your back absently relishing in your touch. 

“I know that sugar but that doesn’t mean you can just go do everythin’ alone. What if you get hurt, what if you…!” He didn’t realize he raised his voice slightly and you removed yourself from his chest peering at him alarmed. He muttered a soft sorry and you looked at his eyes trying to see something. It was like you were looking at something deep into him and when you saw it in clear view you wrapped your arms around his neck and gave him a hug. “Sweetheart..?” 

“I thought- I thought it would be easier if it was just me. Jack I’m sorry” you whispered and he finally accepted your embrace. He smelled you in hopes to quell that pit in his chest from thinking about you getting hurt. From leaving him… he knew he was selfish but all he really wanted was for you to stay close to him away from danger. He couldn’t lose anyone else…

“Sugar...” he began but a feeling of stress tugged at his chest and he just sighed softly in your embrace. He couldn’t explain this to you, he couldn’t explain the complex feelings of everything he felt about you and those nagging feelings of the past. 

All he wanted was to stay with you.

“Stay the night…” he whispered against your soft skin. It wasn’t really a question but a plea for you to stay. You didn’t need to think so you just nodded and continued to hug you not wanting to let go. Yawns escaped your lips and he sighed softly. 

“Sweetheart let’s go get some rest… need some rest,” he muttered against your ear and you nodded once again. He went to scoop you from the couch to get you to rest on his bed but you retreated from his touch. 

“Jack- can do it myself lover boy is okay,” you murmured softly and he put his forehead on yours again. You didn’t move but carefully looked at his expression, your face was looking at his intently trying to decipher the motions. Your eyes glimmered from his movement and you patiently sat waiting for him to say something. He wished that instead of talking he could just transfer his thoughts to your head so he wouldn’t have to explain these layered feelings through words.  

“I- I know you can do it by yourself but-,” I just want to protect you in some way right now before the two of you had to go out in the field, I just need to protect you so what happened before doesn’t happen again, that you don’t get hurt, that he doesn’t lose someone again. He can’t lose you the way he lost her… that he needs you to be okay. 

He just couldn’t say it and the tears pricked his eyes thinking of the worst which he tried to not dwell on. He huffed and you silently wiped his tears and didn’t ask for an explanation on why he was tearing up. 

“I just need to care for you right now,” he confessed to you and refused to stare at you. He just knew if he stared at you right now everything would continue to hurt because reality was just cruel. You softly pecked his cheek and coaxed him to look at you as you continued to pepper his face with small kisses. 

“Okay,” you muttered against his cheek, you didn’t need any other words but the simple okay. He brought you close to him and scooped from the couch effortlessly and walked towards his room where he can cocoon you in blankets. He plopped you on his bed and you started to look around at your surroundings curious about the contents of his room. 

“I know I promised you a tour but we can do that in the mornin’,' Jack yawned out and made way to his dresser to grab some clothes for you because it doesn’t seem that you’d willingly sleep in your office clothes. He grabbed a white shirt that he often put under his button ups and an old pair of sweatpants. He turned back to you, you were looking at what was in his hands and you gave him a small smile.

“Thank you baby,” he gave you the clothes and turned to give you some privacy and a soft tired giggle escaped your lips. 

“Jack, you can look, I don't mind,” you expressed softly.

“I think you forget that I’m a gentleman, sweetheart. It’s rude to stare at someone so beautiful when they are undressin’,” he retorted and continued to turn his body away from yours. It sounded like you got up from the bed and he didn’t let his curiosity get the best of him and stayed where he was staring at the floor away from you. 

“Mm, okay then gentleman… such a shame that you can’t see me ever get undressed,” you teased as you changed from your current attire and he couldn’t help but grin at your statement. You just couldn’t help but tease him, even in these difficult moments.

“Never said that,’ he corrected you and you hummed and he heard you move closer to him. You hugged his waist from behind.

“But you said it was rude to stare so that implies that you can’t ever see me get undressed,” you joked with him and he giggled. He grabbed your arms and turned to see you in his clothes grinning wide at you. Your eyes still held that tired expression from before but it looked like a small weight was lifted to an extent. He couldn’t help but feel enamored by how beautiful you looked in his clothes. 

“You like twistin’ my words don’t cha, well maybe I’m not the best gentleman that I thought I was,' ' he got close to you and kissed your forehead instead of your lips like you thought he was. You frowned a bit and tiptoed to reach his lips, you kissed him slowly and with no worry in your mind. 

“Yeah you’re a scoundrel, not a gentleman,” you said between kisses and he laughed lightly. He continued slowly lavishing your lips. He just wanted to kiss you to kiss you with no goal in mind. Soft sighs escaped every kiss and he moved his hand to the back of your head causing you to create a soft mewl which caused you to stop kissing his lips and start kissing his cheeks. 

“Overwhelmed you?” He muttered while fiddling with the shirt he gave you and you nodded at his question. 

“Little bit, just tired is all.” His fingers traced your spine up and down as a movement of comfort. He grabbed your hand and guided you back to his bed, moved the blankets, and let your hand go to let you get on the bed. He lifted the cover and laid next to you on the bed content with you being by his side. You stared at him silently, smiling at him and your eyes sparkled like they always did when you stared at him. It felt like immense love in his chest when you did that and he just couldn’t get enough of it. 

“My pretty girl,” he whispered to you and it was second nature to him to just touch your face. It was too beautiful to not touch and he felt your cheeks get flushed. ”I'm sorry this all had to happen.” 

“Life isn’t always perfect…no matter how hard we hope it is,” you sighed out, running your hands through Jack’s hair. “I just wanted to be better…it hurts more because of that.”

“You can still be better baby, you don’t have to let this event define you and who you are,” he wasn’t going to push for an answer on what prompted you to be better or why taking up this mission meant that you were going to get worse? He knew it was going to be difficult and that you were putting a lot on your plate by accepting this. He continued to stare at your heavy eyes and you started to trace the lines of his face with your fingers. Soft, warm… he wasn’t used to the feather touch feeling of skin on his face. It was so jarring considering the jaggedness of today but here you are so soft. 

“I know you said you'd do this but Jack it's going to be ugly. They’ll be a lot of bad days,” you whispered softly, continuing the warm tracing of your fingertips. 

“I know sugar.”

“I don’t want you to regret anything,” you averted his gaze and focused on his forehead instead. 

“I’m not goin’ to darlin’,” he reached for your hand, the one that was giving him such soft touches. “I know you are lookin’ out for me but I’ve made up my mind, we are goin’ to protect each other together.” Your eyes teared up a bit and nodded firmly from the statement. Your tired eyes kept staring brightly at him, he let go of your hand so you could continue tracing his skin. 

“Feels nice,” he closed his eyes for a couple of seconds to savor the skin on him. You made a dreamy melody and he quickly opened his eyes again to look at your state. It always seemed that there was something plaguing your brain because you weren’t too focused on him at the moment. You were in your own little world. 

“Jack…are you feeling better from this morning?”

He licked his lips and nodded, “Yeah I am, I talked about it more in depth to my therapist so I’m doin’ better. I know you worry but I’m okay. ” You hummed happy that you were able to talk about it.

“It’s a bad habit…” you interrupted with a sigh, “worry too much. I know I can’t remove all your stress.” 

“It’s alright I’m not goin’ to get angry with you for that,” he didn’t know why you were explaining this to him the way you were or maybe you were telling this to yourself but either option he just wanted to comfort you. “I know it's been a rough day my love but right now you don’t have to explain why you do the things you do.” 

“I ramble,” your eyes grew heavier and heavier. It was strange to him that you weren’t letting yourself fall asleep, that you were holding onto something so you stayed up. 

“It’s okay… sweetheart go to sleep it’s alright,” he brought you closer to him hoping you’d let go and relish his warmth rather than forcing yourself to stay up. 

“Okay pretty boy,” you yawned and he couldn’t help but grin at how you tiredly let your defenses down to rest.  Pretty boy that was new …pretty boy. You peeked up at him and giggled at the dopey smile. 

“I can hear your heartbeat fluttering.” You moved closer to his chest to hear it better, moving your hand to his back which started to wander aimlessly on the expanses of his broad back. 

“You have that effect on me,” all you did was hum and it seemed that slumber was finally approaching you and you weren't fighting to stay awake. You deserved to have some rest from the horrible day that you were dealt with. 

“Night my pretty boy.” Such a comforting feeling of you being close to him made the pain from earlier disappear. Your smell was a signal of peace and it caused his body to turn to jelly. He slowly felt sleep creeping up on him and it seemed that you were sleeping peacefully wrapped around him.

“Night my pretty girl.” He whispered on the crown of your skull.

Taglist: @shadowolf993 @salome-c @marydjarin @captainstormborn​ @athalien​

[demonslayedher]

Is their any demon slayer character that you think should of had more screen time in the manga?

I could be diplomatic and say we could have benefitted from a smidge more bonding time with all of the non-Tanjiro cast, but instead I shall go on a selfish rant: we should have gotten more of that magatama-wearing peach-flinger, supposedly rightful heir to the Breath of Thunder himself, freaking Kaigaku.

It's probably no surprise that I say this as a Zenitsu Stan. The two deep-dives we got into Inosuke and Zenitsu's pasts were two-cour, and, these would have worked better with more of a bridge between the first and second cours (Natagumo arc and Infinity Fortress arc). Given Inosuke's personality it works a bit better that he was totally unbothered by an unusual memory or two and then floored by how suddenly important his mother became to him when facing her killer, but some odd recollections of Douma would have really sold that "whoa!! Baby Inosuke resided with an Upper Moon!!" shocker. Still, Inosuke was a baby, it only gets so personal (I would totally accept Douma & Baby Inosuke interactions, though, for absolutely sure, but Douma got a lot of satisfying development in his interactions with Shinobu, Kanao, and the other Upper Moons too). Zenitsu, unlike Inosuke, is someone who ruminates and takes everything personally. Jiichan and Kaigaku both had such an impact on him that it's odd for him to go most of the span of the series only thinking back to them once. It's one thing if Zenitsu chose never to mention Kaigaku to his friends, in fact, such a decision would say a lot about their relationship, but knowing Zenitsu he probably ranted about his mean martial brother at the slightest mention of something that might remind him of Kaigaku. But Zenitsu's feelings toward him were highly complex, and it would have been great to get those thoughts before the betrayal. Besides just being like, "oh no, not Jiichan!" we could have felt that twist of the knife in our backs too; Kaigaku's a character we don't get to appreciate until he's dying and already performed all his bad deeds (but I suppose that's the case for many of the other demons, a la Kimetsu logic).

While seeing more of Kaigaku would had been interesting as a Zenitsu fan, it would had also been an opportunity to bring out more in Himejima's character as well. Kaigaku was very keen on upward mobility in the Corp, he had to have had some familiarity with the current strongest people, and he had to have known who the Rock Pillar was and been like, "oh shit." Getting Kaigaku's perspective on Himejima would have given us a very different "oh dang, we should have been watching out for this crying guy" effect than Inosuke just declaring "dude be strong." (But alas, writing a serialized manga is hard and you fit things in where you can. Hence, Taisho Secrets.)

Mostly, it would had been great to get more Kaigaku for Kaigaku's sake. Channeling his anxieties in the form of emotional self-protection and aggression makes him a striking foil to Zenitsu in more than just their sorely lacking Thunder Breath capabilities. There was an arc there we didn't get to see unfold. He had to have some feelings left over from selfishly allowing that demon massacre to occur at the temple filled with orphans, whom he must have felt at some level he was better than. Having someone he respected see potential in him and treat him as someone special might have given him hope to make a better person out of himself, but if the same care could be given to someone like Zenitsu, then it probably made him feel pretty betrayed too. That drive to make himself be someone special is like a more dangerous look at Shinjuro's drives which drove him to depression, and it would had been so, so, so rich to see Kokushibo see some of himself in Kaigaku too, instead of only being like, "hmm, you're strong, guess I'll spare you."

But to have been in a fight against Upper Moon 1 and held out on his own that long in the first place? Especially someone who was still in training very recently? KAIGAKU WAS A FREAKING BOMBSHELL OF A POWERFUL DEMON SLAYER. He was already on Twelve Moon level when he turned; it must had driven Kaigaku mad to see that Zenitsu was the one running into all the strong demons and Thunderclap-and-Flashing his way up the ranks. Sure, he accepted Kokushibo's proposition because he was terrified. And I love that even someone as assured of his own specialness can succumb to mortal terror (again, interesting Zenitsu foil). But Kaigaku accepted this new role as readily as he accepted demon slaying as his calling; he set right about eating people, lots of people. Which people? We'll never know, but I'd like to think he ate those boys who Zenitsu punched for talking bad about him.

Kaigaku's belief in himself means that whenever he's cornered, he'll discard any previous identity and take on wholeheartedly whatever his new one is. Interesting choice to give him a magatama motif, those are thought to bring out one's innate spiritual power. He's always relied most on himself. Once Kuwajima let him down, he didn't need Kuwajima anymore. Even once he become filled with Muzan's blood (and approval), he wasn't in it for Muzan, he was in it to prove himself superior and talented.

But Kaigaku so, so desperately looks outside of himself for approval anyway. HE'S SUCH A TRAGEDY. And if we had gotten more snippets of him here and there throughout the manga, even just one scene of Zenitsu running into him and getting told off for punching those guys, we would have had the anticipation of him being an inevitable train wreck instead of just "mean guy who was mean to Zenitsu and will probably be mean again in future chapters because he is mean."

No, Kaigaku was mean because he had so many of his own insecurities to wrestle with and he was so bad at that and I wish, I wish, I wish we could have gotten more of Kokushibo being like, "I have the cure for insecurities, just don't be a weak human anymore" (especially because Kokushibo appreciated he could be honest in Muzan's service instead of having to privately wrestle with his jealousy and angst of impending demise, so it would had been great to give Kaigaku a similar outlet). And if Muzan was willing to promote him to Upper Moon 6 so quick off the bat, I wish we could have seen some interaction between them, like Muzan showing up to the site of Kaigaku's first blood bath and praising Kaigaku for his eagerness to get stronger and his potential as a powerful demon. How GOOD that would had sounded to Kaigaku's ears. And dang, oh man, if Himejima could had known, if he could had known ANYTHING about Kaigaku joining the Corp and then showing his true colors, being an untrustworthy little shit because that's all humans usually are, w o w that would had painted more of Himejima's dark side besides just saying a 4-year-old girl was a selfish human (I would totally accept more Himejima cynicism, especially because it's so disconcerting coming from one of the most level-headed characters in this whole manga).

Phew. Anyway. I guess I could go on a rant about a lot of good scenes we could have gotten from many of the characters, but I still stick with Kaigaku as my answer to his because he's the acting agent in a betrayal, and betrayals work best if first see what it is that they're destroying. AAAAUUGHHH I LOVE A GOOD BETRAYAL and this one feels like it was written backwards, I wish it could had been seasoned throughout the text more instead of taking the lid off the shaker and dumping a pile of salt into a few short chapters. KAIGAKU, YOU ARE ONE BIG PILE OF SALT. But also you deserved to have your pain shared, you selfish twit, come back here in some earlier chapters and let us see you try to have a stiff upper lip when people point out your insecurities, you were trying so hard, you big baby, come back here and let us a love you a bit before you zap us with your betrayal.

*angrily throws peaches to conclude the venting Ask reply*