#things i posted on discord and then was like no this is a post actually

[tori-artemis]

I don't usually make posts when I'm upset about something (or like, at all) but honestly I'm just. Really sick of the Loki fandom as a whole. Like I'm just tired of all the pettiness and bullshit. And tbh it's on both ends of the Loki series/Ragnarok split. Both pros and antis.

This isn't so much a vague post as it's a vent post for me. You see, I've been having these feelings about the Loki fandom overall for months now, and I've seen certain posts from the positive side where I just want to - jump in and say something, or at least speak for myself as an ""anti"" (hate that word btw) bc the amount of generalizing I've seen that goes on over there wrt ppl who dislike the show is just - well it's fucking frustrating. Like it annoys me bc I've heard every dumb overgeneralization since the show first came out, from not wanting Loki to move on bc we're oh-so-traumatized to we're just bitter bc the show didn't go the way we wanted/our hcs of Loki weren't validated, etc.

I think one that annoyed me the most was the claim that ppl who hate/dislike Sylvie as a character do so out of misogyny. And like - maybe there's some truth there wrt how the character/actress tend to be bombarded with gendered slurs, and yes that's not cool, but I've never referred to Sylvie or Sophia as any slur. (In fact I don't even hate Sylvie - what I do hate is how the writers have set her up as a "superior" contrast to Loki, which to me seems very intentional on their part, particularly wrt the Trauma Olympics™ as in "Sylvie had it so much harder" 🙄 - but I digress). Yet I can't help but feel like I'm being lumped in the "antis are misogynists" bin every time I read any of those posts from the pro side, simply bc I dislike the way a character was utilized. The way those posts are written, the way they sound - it's very black and white, overgeneralizing an entire group of fans, there's no nuance or side notes or disclaimers of "hey - I know not all of y'all are like this, this is just about some I've encountered" - not even in the tags, nothing. And I've just wanted so badly to jump in and say: "hey, anti here and I'm not like that" but I refrain, bc I've grown so tired of all the fandom infighting and discourse that I usually don't have the energy to get into it. So when I see someone from that side of fandom jump on a post and say how they dislike being overgeneralized as a fan, and how they feel like they're being misrepresented, or condescended to... I can't help but feel kinda upset by that, ngl. Part of me just wants to say "yes it sucks, but recognize that your side (if not you yourself) does it too. Some of you folks do it too."

Like I've read posts implying/stating that antis who hate the show lack critical thinking skills - and like, look, there might be a bit of truth wrt, say, calling Sylvie an outright abuser (and even I've been a little guilty of agreeing to view her as a person with toxic traits as opposed to the enemy-to-lovers trope she clearly falls into - tho I still can't really fault myself for not being able to take that romance seriously due to how damn rushed and forced it felt - but that's besides the point). But there's just something about the way a lot of these posts are worded, like yes some posts are pretty reasonable, but others are practically dripping with condescending sentiment (for lack of better words) as if we're fucking stupid for having emotional reactions to media as opposed to critical reactions, when isn't that the point of media and art, to illicit emotions? Like yes, the story might be trying to say something (and it might epically fail in doing so, which is how I view the show overall) but it's also meant to move ppl. And if it fails to do so, or it garners an unintended reaction, or the characterization is too inconsistent or the story telling itself is rushed/filled with inconsistencies then can you really blame fans for, well, being blindsided by disappointment/their emotions as opposed to critically analyzing it? And yes I know this is a matter of opinion, but still.

(Like sometimes a story can be extremely well written overall, and very well thought out and fans will just be oblivious to, choose to ignore or even outright refuse to pick up on the symbolism within a story, or the internal motivations/conflicts within a character, or how a character progresses/character arcs in general. Sometimes fans will even completely and intentionally misread a character in their entirety, and the role they play within a story, no matter how skilled and how excellent the writing is within a piece of art. And sometimes fans will just overall fail to realize the major themes/hints that a writer carefully lays out. Yes this is a thing, and one I've been made aware of in the particular fandom that I'm about to join.)

But then there's stories that are just... lazily/half-heartedly written at best, and so I just don't understand where pro stans get off by being condescending to ppl like me who just couldn't be immersed due to all those flaws in storytelling. Especially when I didn't get enough out of it to even see where a lot of these conclusions fans seem to have drawn from it. Like there are some inconsistencies within the story itself, there are things that just don't make a whole lot of sense, there are many contradictions, I didn't just make them up. And again I know, everyone interprets media differently, but I don't really see what a lot of pro fans have taken from the series, bc I personally don't think its there. And I really don't appreciate being thought of as some kind of imbecile for not "getting it" when the media in question is, objectively... not all that great tbh. And I'm being absolutely neutral when I say that, like I'm literally not even hating here.

And like I could've easily have turned around and made a bunch of posts stating how pro fans are "stupid" for putting so much thought into a piece of media I personally find to be stupid or just lacking in general, but I haven't. Bc one: that's a shitty thing to do to ppl, and two: it wouldn't even be true bc so many ppl who I consider very intelligent have enjoyed this show, and do put a lot of thought into analyzing it, so despite me not really seeing where they're coming from I want to respect that. And look, it's not like I haven't had those presumptuous thoughts or knee jerk reactions, bc yeah I am in an echo chamber too, and I'm no saint - I'm definitely human and I've had some overgeneralized, uncharitable takes. But I recognize this about myself, I don't post that shit. Which is why I get so upset when I see so many other fans do just that.

Also there is a definite misuse of the depiction of torture, which is used to convey certain themes, and that's very unfortunate, and IMO very bad writing/storytelling. I probably would've been a little more charitable towards the series overall if the Sif-beatdown timeloop scene had been scrapped altogether like the writers seriously should've considered doing (due to the fact that torture has so many misconceptions and is grossly excused in the majority of media which has unfortunate real world consequences) and instead focus more on Loki confronting his fear of being alone, if that truly is what the intention for that scene was. Like yes, some antis might go overboard wrt the messaging within the show, but when it comes to things like the atrocious time loop scene... that's not a made up thing we just happen to pull out of nowhere, that's something the writers put in there and therefore, yeah that's pretty fucked.

Then on the other side I'll find myself liking a post from a negative series fan bc I'll agree with the overall sentiment of it, only to unlike it right after reading the tags bc they've said something like "ppl who like this show/movie/etc are stupid" or "if you ever defended or even enjoyed TR fuck you" - and like??? WTF. I understand disliking the show or whatever but why the hell would you brush over an entire group of real, actual people as "idiots" for simply liking a piece of media??? Like - do I think the show was a disjointed mess? Yeah, I do. Do I think it was poorly written? Yes. Do I even think the reasoning behind a lot of these writing decisions was really fucking stupid on the creators part (or at the very least, that they failed to convey their ideas clearly)? Absolutely. But that doesn't mean anyone who's ever enjoyed the show is stupid for doing so, and I say this as someone who does have the knee-jerk reaction to go "how could you like that show, it sucked so much!"

But like, at the end of the day I understand that ppl take different things out of media. And just bc you find something so stupid or unwatchable, doesn't mean others will, and that's okay bc ppl are different and have different tastes and IDK how ppl don't fucking get that??? Like why is this even a hot take when it's literally just a fact???

It's shit like this that makes me feel like leaving the fandom all together. Which I don't really want to do, bc despite everything wrong with fandom and despite my own personal disappointment with the latest Loki/Thor franchise installments I still really love Loki as a character, and I still want to write fic revolving him. I even still want to make friends within the Loki fandom bc that's literally why I created this blog in the first place, to befriend other Loki fans, like I could've easily stayed being a lurker within the fandom but regardless I think at this point it's farfetched to want this bc the fandom's just way too split and way too hostile and way too fucking eager to be uncharitable and condescending af. And I'm just tired. I'm just... really really tired of the pettiness, the condescending attitude a lot of fans seem to fucking have for anyone who might think differently from them.

I'm tired of the gatekeeping - on both sides. It's on both sides. Because saying "real Loki fans would never like/defend TR/the show" and "how anyone can claim to be a Loki fan if they hate him/his own show" aren't so far apart from each other, both sentiments basically say the same thing, just from polarized viewpoints.

And I wish more fans would just recognize that.

[cherrydreamer]

It starts with a bouquet of flowers. One of those big, exotic looking ones that is far too nice for Nancy to have just picked it out of a bucket at Melvald’s. Steve can tell at a glance that it’s one she clearly went to the fancy, expensive flower shop to get. It’s so big that it’s all Steve can see when he first opens the door, and it takes him a moment before he spots Nancy peering out from behind it, all doe eyes and pursed lips. He’s over her. He knows that. And she loves Jonathan. He knows that too. But there’s still a tiny flash of hope, just for a second, that this might be...something. It’s not. Nancy doesn’t even waste time with a greeting before she’s asking for the favour. For Steve to go with her to Barb’s grave. 

“It might be the last time. For a while.” Nancy says, biting her lip against a quiver, “I’m going to college next week and I might not…I don’t know when I’m coming back and I want to say goodbye. I don't want it to...to seem like we’ve forgotten her.”  Her voice shakes on that last sentence, so of course Steve agrees to come. He doesn’t ask why she was asking him, why he’s enough now, when he hadn’t been before. Why she didn’t want Jonathan there. He just nods and smiles and says, “Sure, Nance. Of course.” 

He’d stays with her. For the whole thing. He walks her to the grave and stands there too, waiting while Nancy lay down the flowers- all those tiny forget-me-nots and big yellow roses and pastel lilies and a host of others that Steve didn’t know the names of. And he’d keeps on waiting while she talks to Barb, resting a comforting hand on her shoulder while she apologises and cries and tells Barb that she’ll never forget her. 

And then they walk back. And that’s when Steve spots it. Billy’s grave. Bare and unadorned, nothing but a modest headstone with a simple inscription. 

William Hargrove. Beloved son and brother. A Hawkins’ Hero

Steve knows Max hates the last line. They way it ties Billy forever to the town he hated. Tried to make it sound like he belonged there. Belonged to them. And he knows that she doesn’t visit often, and he understands. But still, something about the sight of the grave, colourless and neglected and slightly overgrown, makes his stomach twist with guilt. 

Because Billy was a hero. And he deserves to be remembered. So Steve comes back later. Once he’s let Nancy cry on his shoulder and then taken her back to her house, he takes himself to the fancy, expensive florist and something instantly catches his eye.  Sunflowers Lots of them. Big and yellow and bright and the most fitting bouquet he can think of. Something to chase away the grey skies of Hawkins and give Billy a little bit of California brightness. 

He lays them down on the grave and then he rests a hand on the headstone, just looking at the flowers for a moment, at the vivid pop of colour standing out so brightly, almost arrogantly.  So much like Billy when he first arrived. And even though he feels a little weird and awkward, Steve starts to talk. He says that he’s sorry. That it wasn’t right. That Billy shouldn’t have had to die. That he shouldn’t be stuck in Hawkins. Steve takes a breath. And then he promises to look after Max. To keep her safe. And he apologises again. Tells Billy they should’ve done more. Should’ve helped him. Should’ve saved him. Should’ve found a way.  And then Steve pauses. Lets his voice drop to a whisper. And he tells Billy how Hawkins seems a little too quiet without him around. How Steve maybe kinda misses him. 

It's getting late when Steve walks away, but the churning, nauseating whirl of guilt is sated for the time being. Steve can go home and he can be normal and have dinner with his parents and snort out a few laughs at Moonlighting and he doesn't think about Billy Hargrove anymore.

At least, he doesn't until he opens the door to his room, swallowing down a yawn and completely ready to fall right into bed. And there's already somebody there. Somebody reclining not on the pillows, but slightly above them. Somebody who looks a little translucent around the edges, but who still seems completely and utterly full of life. Somebody who’s twirling a single sunflower in their hand.  Somebody with a devilish wink and a familiar, cocky smirk who says, "Heard you were missing me, Harrington?" 

[knife-filled-plushies]

What if-

What if they-

What if they were bear-

Coping right now.

[yisschamp]

as a queer person, I know what it’s like to be super infatuated with your friend to the point where I’m maybe kind of falling in love with them. thats why this pride month, I’m partnering with dnf-

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

saw this random post about how the discourse around my blog has been "swept under the carpet" and

and the thing is, after being suicide-baited by a terf smear campaign, repeatedly, for years, that doesn't feel "swept under the carpet" to me. to me, from where I'm standing, that feels more like "survived at terrible cost"

[laplacemail]

Sorry, haven’t been feeling like writing or being around/here at all. I’m gonna think about it if I want to put myself on a semi hiatus or just try to work my way through it. I’ll also make a post for people who are still interested in keeping their threads with me so I can archive them properly and keep track so my ADHD doesn’t get the best out of me + empty my inbox (while keeping like a few asks that I still want to get to). Been feeling overwhelmed + other stuff, so I believe this is the best way for me to tackle this. Love y’all, hope today has been great for you. 

[kiddphel]

i finally have such STRONG emotions and thoughts when it comes to self shipping i had a few weeks where it was just. very vague and i didnt have much to say but now every waking second my thoughts are just abt kayn and sometimes i forget to post here ngl because all of my gay thoughts get thrown onto discord and oh god is there a lot of them. i have so many gay thoughts abt this man. 

[wibble-wobbegong]

tag rant on more mutualism stuff

[cactusfru1ts]

basically at this point i think anyone who is not upset by words like “adulting” and sentences like “i cant english today” should have a good enough understanding of the english language to understand that using kin as a verb isnt really “incorrect” and almost always makes sense in context and is often actually easier to read and process than more “correct” uses for a lot of people and i honestly think that the problem is that people who treat language more casually are looked down on by polite society and a lot of people who are othered by that society will try to recreate themselves in its image to regain the acceptance they felt in the past and like i do empathize with that but i also dont really get why im supposed to give a shit about other peoples linguistic hangups just to get to stay in a discord server

[pikkish]

Jupiter Hell headcanons. Giv.

Headcanons? Plural? HECK YEAH DON'T MIND IF I DO

^^^also putting the cinematic trailer here bc its good and more people should watch it (and then go buy the game and play it for hours and give it a good review)

anyway yes I have lots of headcanons about this game and since I'm basically the only one posting about it here on tumblr there's no one to contradict me on them. also a lot of them parallel and/or contrast with Doom headcanons, since JH is largely inspired by Doom.

For starters, the CRI isn't inherently evil like the UAC. I mean, they definitely have problems, what with the Callisto mines being run primarily by prisoner labor, and the primary funder of the CRI being the us military so their main focus is war weapons, so they're just as twisted as any major government funded war profiteering company, but they're not actively going "hee hoo lets sacrifice our own employees in cult rituals to Hell for ~SCIENCE!~" They just went "Woah whats this funny pentagram thing buried in the heart of Europa? WOAH ITS A PORTAL TO IO!! SICK WE CAN INSTANTANEOUSLY TRAVEL BETWEEN MOONS hey wait there's another one here on Io YOOOOOO IS THIS A SPACE STATION INSIDE JUPITER??? WE SHOULD TOTALLY INVESTIGATE THIS!" And then it turned out it was a portal to Hell and they accidentally started the demonic invasion. Tough luck, guys.

As for the protagonist, JupeGuy, or Mark Taggart, as is his default name for each run, I like to think that for all his flippant, snarky comments throughout the game, he's actually a relatively sane, levelheaded character, especially compared to Doomguy. This is mostly inspired by the fact that, once you get to the Dante Station levels, he stops with all the silly snarky voicelines and gets a lot more serious and solemn in reacting to things, but there are a few other points that work well with the headcanon. He uses cover when fighting, he can actually pick up a medkit and store it in his backpack for later use instead of either using it immediately or leaving it behind, he can modify and repair weapons and armor, he can gather intel on what's ahead and plan which route he wants to take based on that intel, and he doesn't just go charging at the final boss screaming ferally (unless you're playing a melee build.) He's like Doomguy's smarter, more wary cousin!

He 100% did go to The Pit on Europa, and he did pet Rexio, and now he has a funny puppy that's like five feet taller than him and will maul anything that looks at him mean. Let the man have his pet hellhound.

Also speaking of pets, solely because Doomguy has Daisy, I headcanon JupeGuy also likes small, flluffy animals, though he tends more toward birds, specifically budgies. He had a little green budgie with a yellow head named Spinach.

Ok, just one more headcanon, though this one takes a bit of explaining: there's a secret level in JH called Purgatory, and it is... punishing, both to survive, and just to get to.

First, in order to get to it, you very much have to know what you're doing. First, you have to go to a specific branch on Callisto, which is the first moon you're on. If you miss it, you're out of luck. on each floor you have to close a portal within a pretty short time limit, which usually means tanking damage from all the enemies between it and you, and again, this is early-game, so you're relatively low level and don't exactly have the stats to be tanking like that. Then, you have to close two of these portals, minimum, when at maximum, there only are three portals, and sometimes, there are only two to begin with, depending on where the branch entrance is.

So if you manage to do that, you'll be given the "Demonic Attunment" status, which... well! It's entire description is just "Unknown," so it doesn't really give you a whole lot to go on! But, if you can make it to the branch special level and successfully fight off a handful of archreavers- essentially JH's equivalent of Barons of Hell- then so long as you have a high enough rank of Demonic Attunement, you can hit a handful of pillars in the right order (an upside down star, of course) to open the portal to Purgatory, which doesn't sound so difficult in theory, but those pillars are the only cover you get from the archreavers in the entire arena, and if you accidentally bump one out of order while seeking shelter from the archreavers, then you're out of luck, you can't open the portal.

BUT, if you do get everything right, and you go through the portal, congratulations! you have a whole new set of problems to worry about! For one thing, Purgatory is jam packed with late game enemies, and you're still using early game gear, maybe with a few buffs if the loot in the Callisto Anomaly was good. For another, Purgatory is a liminal space, and going up and then right does not take you to the same place as if you go right and then up, so it's very easy to get lost. And the final icing on the cake? You gain the "Catharsis" status, the description for which reads, "You've witnessed the Purgatory. Some wounds will never heal, and you're less motivated to learn from new experiences."

How does that translate to game mechanics? the "less motivated to learn" means you permanently get 20% less experience for killing enemies, so you level a lot slower, and "some wounds never heal" means that every time you go through one of the teleporters to the next room, you permanently lose a few points off your maximum health.

So what's the reward for going to Purgatory aside from the challenge of it, fighting the secret boss battle, and unlocking the second, harder hardest mode? Well, see, Jupiter Hell is a roguelike game, so all of the loot and weapons you get are randomized. But if you know the route- and I do mean really know the route, because again, going right and up is not the same as up then right, and the health loss applies when backtracking, too- you can get your pick of any of the unique weapons in the game, of which, in a non-purgatory run that goes to all three possible special levels, you are normally only guaranteed to get one unique, and a random one that may not work at all with your build. But in Purgatory, if you can survive there and back, you can get any of them that you want.

Now, the unique weapons are great and all, but if you know what you're doing, you can beat the game without one. So what's an even more powerful weapon, or perhaps, a more powerful defense against Hell itself, that which does its utmost to rip all the joy and hope and love out of you? What could possibly let you knowingly stand against and fight Hell itself like that?

Here's where the actual headcanon starts, because my answer is apathy.

Or, the achievement of catharsis.

Knowing that you're going to bleed forever, knowing that your achievements don't actually amount to all that much, knowing that you are going to go to Hell, choosing to go to Hell, and being okay with that. Being at peace with that. Because how can you truly be affected by misery and suffering if you have already made peace with your situation?

So I think that JupeGuy figured out pretty quickly that he was fighting demons and realized he wouldn't be going home, but to Hell instead. I don't know how he knew to get to Purgatory, since, like I said, it isn't readily apparent, but you pretty much need to know what you're doing in order to get there, so it was a conscious decision on his part. He chose to go there, chose to take up the burden of eternal pain, chose to lose the joy of learning new things, the excitement of life, he chose the horrible apathy of catharsis, all so that he could fight Hell itself and stop the invasion.

And I just think that's a terrible, awful, and incredibly interesting concept, of catharsis first being a bad thing, a painful thing, that only by knowingly, willingly choosing to bear that pain forever can one gain some meager benefit.

as a last note, here is the background music for Purgatory. I think it is absolutely terrifying and also sometimes I will listen to it on repeat and think about JupeGuy.

(I had to record this myself by sitting in the level and taking a video then converting that video to mp3, because no one's put the ost up on youtube, I don't know if/where you can officially download it, and apparently JH uses a weird filetype that I could not for the life of me find a tutorial on how to rip the soundfiles for. So idk if that's its actual name or what.)

[tearlessrain]

hey super fun fact for you all that’s very relevant during these cold months: if you’ve been running a space heater a lot and you notice you’ve been exhibiting symptoms of mild CO poisoning. you should turn off the space heater for a while and see if they go away because it may in fact be giving you mild CO poisoning. most space heaters are fine and safe to use but it turns out every once in a while one isn’t and it will outgas when you run it and you will have a bad time.

this message has been brought to you by a guy who is no longer being lightly poisoned and feeling absolute lightyears better than when I was being lightly poisoned.

[simptasia]

some of you... a disturbing amount actually... will see people have a sincere and passionate love for their interests and be like “disgusting. you should be ashamed for being so happy. you’re annoying and i hate you”

and like, dude, you’re the fucking annoying one

[drumlincountry]

Maybe not a helpful musing but. how many professional opportunities have I missed out on by being just, Totally incompatible with Facebook and twitter. How many social connections have I lost, or never built because i'm likewise incompatible with big group chats and discords.

[deepwoundsandfadedscars]

.

[bumpscosity]

HI TUMBLR USER BUMPSCOSITY uhmmmm do you have a map of the office that ur using for ur minecraft build. i tried to build it in the sims 4 a while ago but i gave up bc i dont have access to the game and cant see everything as i want. thanx either way

HI TUMBLR ANON i didn't go off a map, i just built it from reference photos/videos, so unfortunately i cant be a whole lot of help but i used this playthrough a lot bc its for ultra deluxe and is SUPER hi-def (they also look at a lot of different things so you get lots of good reference angles), and used this video to built office 417. heres a boundary break video on the game too for some extra funky shots if you really need 'em (also some fun development history in there). I'd be happy to boot up my game and send over/post pics and vids of anything specific you need as well since having live reference was my BIGGEST help in it. hope this helps!

[thatone-highlighter]

when the internet lies to me