#things are percolating in there

[charlesemersonwinchesteriii]

if Crozier had a nickel for every time someone close to him kept a mortal wound secret from him he'd have two nickels which isn't a lot but it's definitely enough to give him some very specific trauma for the rest of his life

[library-windows]

Stuck home today on account of my agonies and decided to throw in my two cents on the Pentiment soundtrack album cover art with its many references, 'cause like . . . why the hell not

These are my own interpretations, take them with a grain of salt.

There are SPOILERS for Pentiment through Act III behind the cut.

☞ Andreas

Andreas is holding gentian (blue) and edelweiss (white), both Alpine flowers. One of the symbolic meanings for gentian is "justice"; and one meaning for edelweiss is "dedication" (another is "sacrifice").

In his other hand, Andreas is holding a blank scrap of parchment -- symbolizing the player's ability to make choices and help define the story.

☞ On the table

The bound codex is pretty self-explanatory with the game's motif of books, both manuscripts/codices and printed books.

The snail on the book is possibly emblematic of the much slower, more labor-intensive process of making manuscripts over printing, but I suspect it's actually a joke about the number of giant snails that pop up in medieval marginalia. (Inkulinati also invokes the giant snails and Andreas.)

The broken hammer symbolizes the murder of Otto, the town carpenter.

The ornate clock ties into the clock that's been built in Act III, replacing the liturgical hours as a measure of time with a 24-hour clock; and on a larger scale, symbolizing the shift from late medieval to early modern. The beetle appears to be standing on a miniature sundial and climbing from it onto the clock, reinforcing the emphasis on a shift in how time is measured and conceived.

The beetle itself looks like a direct reference to Albrecht Dürer's "Stag Beetle". Rather than treating the insect as a memento mori based on the association of insects with decay and death, Dürer painted a study of a beetle with careful attention to its appearance, as an observation of the actual critter rather than making the beetle into a symbol of anything. As far as the Pentiment art goes, this inclusion along with the clock shows some of the shift in mindset from medieval to early modern/renaissance vis-à-vis its relationship to nature, as well as Andreas' (possible) interest in the natural world. -> Dürer was also from Nuremberg, and he sure has a certain physical resemblance to Andreas (check his "Self-Portrait at 26" in the wiki link); he also gets name-dropped early in the game, if you have the Craftsman background and ask the baron who the artist was that he saw painting the emperor's portrait.

There's a pen, a stylus, and a pen knife on the table, along with the spilled red ink that recalls blood.

The gold coins could have multiple symbolic meanings -- they could indicate that Andreas is a professional/master artist and, by this point in the story, a man of wealth (especially given their position between some of the tools of his trade). They could also symbolize the competing financial demands of Kiersau Abbey (since again, these were the tools of its major source of income) and the people of Tassing. Either way they represent a link between art and money.

☞ The wall/window

Beatrice, St. Grobian, Socrates, and Prester John can be seen in the carving behind Andreas' shoulder.

The notes sent to the murder suspects in Act I and II are hanging from the curtains. Ferenc's is the top one that is partially burned; Ottilia's and Lucky's are also visible, along with the one that Andreas receives at the end of Act I warning him not to return and, I think, the one that Claus receives in Act III. (The exception is the note that Matilda received, which is under the clock on the table; assuming she's not accused of the murder, Matilda is the only one of the Act I suspects who's still living in Tassing in Act III when the Rathaus clock is built.) The notes are tied together with a red cord/thread that also leads to a key; this references the mastermind behind the murders, the Thread-Puller.

Moths represent transformation, and the three stages of their life (larva, pupa, adult) could line up with the three acts of the game and Andreas therein (youth, withdrawn and depressed, and ultimately breaking out of that chrysalis to be free); but I think another form of moth symbolism that lines up with Andreas himself is the proverbial "moth to a flame", where a moth will find itself compelled to fly toward a light (or a fire) even when that means destroying itself. [Addendum] The moth has two pairs of eyespots, and is placed with the notes/key/thread; it could also represent Father Thomas, an unassuming and seemingly harmless person, who is nevertheless positioned to observe the secrets of both Tassing and Kiersau.

The winged bull, a symbol of St. Luke (patron of artists, as you can learn from the in-game glossary) is confirmed by the artist to be an actual pentiment -- it's painted over a tauroctony, a motif in the Roman cult of Mithras that shows Mithras killing a bull. Obviously this ties directly into the events of the final act of the game where Andreas and Magdalene discover the Mithraeum and how the Roman ruins were reinterpreted as Christian relics. If you were to 'erase' the pentiment to reveal the original drawing, it would show Mithras (central figure of an Imperial Roman cult) killing the bull that had been remade into an image of the Christian figure St. Luke -- mirroring Father Thomas' fear that revealing the historical truth would "kill" the faith of Tassing. -> It's possibly worth pointing out here that Mithras, as worshipped by the Romans, was himself syncretized from an ancient Iranian god; to quote Wikipedia, "The Romans attributed their Mithraic mysteries to Zoroastrian Persian sources relating to Mithra. Since the early 1970s, the dominant scholarship has noted dissimilarities between the Persian and Roman traditions, making it, at most, the result of Roman perceptions of Zoroastrian ideas." [bolding mine] So there's that.

Roses had already had a long association with love and beauty in both medieval and renaissance art, and in particular they often symbolized divine love when paired with devotional images.

The arched windows recall the shape of the aqueduct and the other Roman ruins in Tassing.

Mausfänger (or possibly Son of Mausfänger) is sitting on the windowsill.

The dead bird symbolizes the murdered Baron Rothvogel, whose name literally means "red bird"; outside of it being a repeated phrase in the notes themselves, Andreas can mention this euphemism if you find Ferenc's note and ask him about it. The bird itself is a robin, and at least via Shakespeare, the robin was sometimes associated with constantly singing to woo females.

Part of the Totentanz / Dance of Death from the abbey chapterhouse is reproduced on the lower wall panel behind Andreas.

The lute and pipe represent Alkemie, who did the music for Pentiment (this is the soundtrack album art, after all).

☞ The background

The waterfall in the mountains recalls the mystical spring that's venerated in Tassing's various histories as the point of its founding/salvation.

Kiersau Abbey is visible in the background.

A labyrinth is also visible through through the window, between Andreas and the abbey. This represents Andreas' own mental labyrinth, with the crowned symbol for mercury at the center. Mercury represented the mind in medieval alchemy. It also could represent the local church of Tassing (distinct from the abbey), Our Lady of the Labyrinth, which venerates an icon of the Virgin Mary holding a labyrinth that in turn is derived from the Mithraic labyrinth symbols in the Roman ruins. The church lies physically between Tassing and Kiersau, as the labyrinth here sits between Andreas in the foreground and Kiersau in the background. -> While the story Father Thomas tells Magdalene about the church's labyrinth is made up for the game, labyrinths do exist in Christian tradition as a form of meditation, where a person follows a single path to the center while meditating or praying (either physically along an actual path or by following the path in an image); though Pentiment is also referencing the labyrinthine abbey library in The Name of the Rose, which is similarly at the center of multiple murders committed in order to hide forbidden knowledge.

In medieval art, the owl was most often a symbol of misfortune, as it appeared only at night; that it seemed to prefer darkness over light also made it a symbol of non-believers. The tree the owl is perched in is a gigantic oak, which is likely the same tree where the shrine to St. Satia is; if you talk to Marie and Bert in the forest in Act I, Marie can tell Andreas more about the shrine's oak tree and how it's venerated. [Addendum] Subjectively, the owl's physical shape also recalls the shape of Sister Amalie's habit, with its rounded head and bulky body; Amalie also emerges only at night to 'hunt', i.e. to deliver messages. She is also metaphorically 'in darkness' through Father Thomas' manipulation.

The skull in the moon is a memento mori; the sky outside is between night and dawn, which would more or less match the time at which Rothvogel, Otto, and Claus were all attacked. Also: moon's haunted

[innytoes]

The call came in just as he was sticking more photos to his board. He was so close to cracking this case, he just needed a little more evidence. Maybe find a source willing to talk to him. Either willingly or unwittingly, at this point he didn’t even care. He wouldn’t reveal his sources anyway, and if he could just figure out where to find something damning…

“Boldheart,” he said into the phone, attention still mostly on the board. Maybe it needed some string. Or at the very least some of those flames Nimona had drawn and cut out for him to add.

“Mister Boldheart, this is Principal Conroy from Gloreth Elementary School.”

Oh no.

He didn’t quite manage to keep in his sigh.

“What happened this time?” he asked. He refused to say ‘what did she do now’, if only because Nimona usually had a reason for whatever chaos she wrought. Like trying to free the pet gerbil from ‘his stinky, tiny prison’ or punching a kid who made fun of her because ‘you couldn’t even get two normal foster parents, you ended up with two foster dads’.

Of course the school hadn’t done anything about the other kid. He was a legacy at the private school, and he’d ‘just been stating facts, after all’.

“It appears Nimona bit another child.”

Well, that was new.

“What did the other kid do?” he asked, knowing he wouldn’t get a straight answer until he talked to Nimona.

“Mister Boldheart, this school has a zero tolerance policy,” the principal started, and he pulled the phone away from his ear, mouthing along the words mockingly has he got his keys.

Part-way through her little rant, he cut her off. “I’m on my way,” he said, hanging up the phone before she could answer.

Nimona was sitting in what Ballister was coming to think of as ‘her’ chair. The one furthest away from the principal’s door. Her face was like thunder, arms crossed in front of her defensively. But it eased a little when she saw who was picking her up.

As much as he and Ambrosius tried the old Good Cop, Bad Cop routine, Nimona had very quickly learned they were both complete pushovers. And that while Ballister could be stern when it mattered, he wasn’t about to punish her for no reason. He’d always hear her out, and he’d always explain why a rule was a rule and why it shouldn’t be broken. (Or when it could be, under certain circumstances.)

Also, he was fifty per cent more likely than Ambrosius to take her out for ice-cream when she got suspended for no reason, again.

“What happened?” he asked, crouching down in front of them.

“Chad wouldn’t stop trying to poke me,” Nimona said. “I told him to keep his hands to himself or I’d bite him. It’s not my fault he didn’t believe me.”

“I never touched her!” Chad shouted from the other side of the hall. His hand was bandaged rather dramatically all the way down to his elbow. “I even said ‘I’m not touching you!’”

Ah. Ballister knew that game all too well from his own time at Gloreth Elementary. Being the scholarship kid had made him an easy target.  

“Come on,” he said, putting his hand on Nimona’s shoulder. “Let’s go.”

“Don’t you need to talk to the Principal first?” they asked.

He did, but he really didn’t want to. Instead, he looked at the ancient secretary, who’d always had a bit of a soft spot for him when he went to this school. “How long is she suspended?”

“Just the rest of the week,” the secretary answered. It was Wednesday, so not too bad. “The Principal wants to have a serious talk with you, though.”

Ballister knew exactly what talk she wanted to have. It was the same one she’d had when they enrolled Nimona, suggesting that Gloreth Elementary had a rather rigorous curriculum, and perhaps ‘someone like Nimona’ would be better suited for a ‘less demanding environment’.

Another thing he remembered all too well from his own time at this private school.

Never mind that Nimona’s grades were at the top ten per cent of her class. Well, when she remembered to hand in her homework. And it was legible between the drawings of sharks and dragons and who knew what else. But still, it wasn’t the curriculum that was bothering her.

“I’ll send Ambrosius by tomorrow morning, after his shift,” Ballister said. Because suddenly, when The Golden Boy Legacy Kid himself stopped by it was much harder to say no, or that their kid didn’t belong here.

They walked out of the school, Nimona’s fuzzy pink book bag hanging from his good shoulder, her hand clutching the wrist of his prosthetic arm. They were already too far down the hall to hear the Principal call them back, and Ballister knew she was too dignified to run after them.

“Look, I get it,” he said once they were outside, because he really, really did. “But you can’t go around biting people.”

“Why not? He deserved it,” Nimona said, sulkily kicking at a pebble.

“Because you don’t know where his hand’s been, it’s gross.” Okay, maybe that wasn’t the best argument for not biting people, but it was one that was probably most effective for this particular kid. He and Ambrosius could sit her down and explain why biting people was morally wrong some other time.

Nimona was silent for a moment, before sticking out their tongue and running her own hands over it. “Blergh, you’re right!”

See? Effective parenting.

“How do you feel about milkshakes and a stake out?” he asked.

“A stake out?” The hunched shoulders and frown disappeared, replaced by a bounce and a bright, sharp smile. “Who’re we taking down?”

“Nobody just yet,” he said. “But I could use a sidekick following one of VerdAgra’s employees.”

“Yes, boss!” Nimona cheered, all but throwing herself into the passenger’s seat. “Can I have a chocolate-peanut butter-caramel milkshake?”

“Sure thing,” he said, even though that sounded like a lot. Nimona beamed and rummaged in the dashboard console to find their Stake Out Sunglasses, handing him his own. Because you couldn’t do a stake out without them, of course.

Tonight, he’d have a talk with Ambrosius about how maybe Gloreth Elementary and Gloreth Prep weren’t the best place for Nimona. Not because she couldn’t handle the curriculum, but because the school had no interest in stopping the bullying of anyone they deemed lesser. He didn’t want her to suffer the way he had. Sure, he’d gotten into a great university at the end, but had it really been worth it?

Maybe homeschooling was an option. Or another school. Anywhere that didn’t try to crush his kid’s amazing spirit, natural curiosity, and sense of self.

“Can I tase him if he tries to run?”

“No!”

[deliriousblue]

The Heart Killers (2024), episodes 5 and 8

[averlym]

misc. watt quotes that live in my mind rent free + bonus spread

[stagefoureddiediaz]

Thinking many thoughts about Buck on a motorbike - especially as the only other time we’ve seen him on one he was being stunt rider Buck in Buck begins and it led to his escape from PA!

Something something about motorbikes representing risk taking but the beginning of new journeys for Buck

[wavesoutbeingtossed]

The "Dutiful daughter, all my plans were laid, tendrils tucked into a woven braid," (x) to "Whether I'm gonna be your wife or gonna smash up your bike, I haven't decided yet," (x) to "I died on the altar waiting for the proof," (x) juxtaposition in the wedding imagery in the TTPD-era visuals still lives rent-free in my mind by the way.

The way the softness and vulnerability and youthfulness of the album photo shoot contrasts with the ornate gowns and styling of the Grammys and music video looks are so interesting and say so much. I know we talked a bit about the key art before the album came out but it really does tell such a story in itself and I'm floored at how they in themselves tell the story of the album.

[otrtbs]

womp womp

it's not about the paintings! it's not about the paintings!

[shih-coulda-had-it]

BNHA X Claremont Era!X-Men AU thoughts—

A-plot is Gran Torino and Wolverine & Nana and Storm tackling both Shingen’s Hand (call the clone ninja army a proto-Twice Quirk) and maybe AfO because god knows I’d love for Storm and Nana to rock his shit to pieces. Logan is still fighting for Mariko’s hand. I don’t really see a world where Torino and Nana can figure out why Mariko flipped on Logan (it WAS due to Mastermind, right??? Am I crazy???) but the X-Men can at least help neutralize AfO. As for Yukio… 🤷🏻‍♀️ she SHOULD be in here… we’re keeping punk Ororo canon, and maybe Nana will also have a fun motorcycle leathers era…

B-plot is the kids. Honestly, they’re probably the reason why the X-Men come into contact with AfO. I’m tempted to place this at Toshinori’s first year at U.A. so he can be Kitty’s fellow 14 y/o… and of course Toshinori isn’t even thinking about dating but Kitty IS goggling at this age-appropriate but nearly as tall and almost as handsome boy, AND PETER (Piotr? Is there a fan preference??) has been chivalrously holding off Kitty but now he’s feeling weirdly threatened. To make this a real love triangle, Toshinori’s making cow eyes at Peter. Kurt is designated babysitter (Peter: I AM NINETEEN) to his eternal despair.

[tj-crochets]

Reminder for myself for later: pigeon-themed quilt

[marley-manson]

Well I succumbed and watched the Pilot and first ep of Due South last night.

Really struck me how central the theme of Fraser's estrangement from his father is in the Pilot. Fraser mentioning that the last time they spoke was Christmas, essentially saying that the only times they speak are presumably brief calls at holidays. Gerard responding with a platitude - "I guess the more you know someone, the less needs to be said" - but it becomes quite clear that Fraser feels he doesn't know Bob at all, and has to learn about him through his journals.

And yet they're cut from the same cloth: "I always thought your father was the last of a kind. I was wrong - you are." And this is tied to the mountie stereotype lol.

Bob and Fraser both repeat the lines, "You're going to shoot a mountie? They'll hunt you to the ends of the earth," and they're both wrong. No one wants to pursue Bob Fraser's death except Fraser, and no one's happy with Fraser for solving the case because it uncovered corruption. He gets exiled for it. Bob and Fraser are the only mounties who "always get their man," lol, and it's because of Bob's neglect in the course of duty that Fraser follows in his footsteps and becomes so similar to Bob. He idealizes his father and wanted to grow up to be just like him - we can see that admiration in the drawing of him he finds in Bob's things that he made when he was a child eg, or in the song Superman that plays while Fraser reads his journal in the diner. But he doesn't know him. And he pursues duty above all else because he has nothing else of his father.

And then you have Ray, who seems to exist as the opposite of Bob. If there's one thing Ray is, it's there. He is there for Fraser to hunt down suspects, to invite him to a loud family dinner, to save him from an explosion, he tracks him down to apologize for being dismissive, to invite him to dinner, and he flies to the Yukon when he can't reach him by phone. In the diner scene in particular he's directly positioned as a contrast to Bob's absence both in life and death. Fraser is alone trying to understand his father through his journals (looking for something "he missed" ie his dad), and Ray joins him, ending the thematically significant song montage, and eases his solitude. Fraser says he doesn't have family, and Ray shares his own with him.

And after the pilot case, there's nothing drawing them together except friendship. They're not a mismatched pair of cops assigned together who have to learn to get along, they work together unofficially because they can't help but spend every waking moment together.

Bob represents absence and Ray represents presence, distant admiration vs actually knowing someone.

And I'll probably have more to say on that as like, poles Fraser is caught between, if/as I rewatch more of the show. Ray's position is a little muddy especially because pre VS he buys into Fraser's image to an extent, as pointedly examined in Heaven and Earth. But again, more on that another time.

[winepresswrath]

Armand's simpering little "and I never have" has taken on new dimensions for me. Technicality king and also I think very in keeping with his whole malign fairy creature deal. You can tell him not to hurt the bae, but you should really specify what "hurt" entails. Is chopping someone's hands off really hurting them? If they have annoyed you very much I mean.

-questions Armand might pose to Lestat that inspire him to leave the country

[chaoortu]

8-20 Analysis

I LOVE MISCOMMUNICATION SO MUCH, I LOVE NICK NELSON'S DRUNK ASS. (spoilers below the cut)

See I did have a gut feeling that Elle and Tao were gonna be a little mean to Nick. But again, something I can't help but hold in the back of my mind is that this is like, the first time we've seen Nick this drunk in canon-- the first time Nick has been this drunk around is friends and presuming in general. Maybe it's the like big sibling in me or something but like wow guys!!! That's not very kind of a thing to say to your very drunk friend who yes, is being a little annoying but that's every drunk person on the face of the planet. I do REALLY like how there is a triangle of communication issues between all the couples. Darcy not talking to Tara, Elle and Tao struggling to meet in the middle, and Nick just straight up not sharing his anxieties with Charlie.

as drunk person who has been told to chill before, this really made my heart hurt. i felt that embarrassment through the screen man. and i can't help but wonder if they let nick talk a little more if some of the issues he and charlie are having would have come to light? the whole; "we know you and charlie are perfect but we literally didn't ask" line is SOOO Tao, so I can't be mad at him but I think Nick being that drunk, it kind of stings that no one popped in until Tara told him to chill and it makes me wonder about the dynamics of their friend group and where they're at. Is Nick their friend or is he still categorized as Charlie's boyfriend? You know. I'm loving that we're starting to see how his parents' divorce have shaped Nick's view on relationships. He sort of has this like... desperation to avoid conflict as much as possible and BOY do I get that. Big child of divorce moment right there and I am forever grateful Nick's with Charlie bc if Nick was with a worse person... Ohhh my fucking God. I do wonder though if Nick is afraid to bring up any concerns about their relationship with Charlie out of fear of causing a relapse though. Charlie... did treat him unkindly during that era and I can't remember if they've ever sat down to talk about it or if they will. Right now I am wondering if this guy who seems to be trying to flirt with Charlie will cause Nick to either a. get aggro, b. have a menty b or c. have him wandering off with no coat just his feelings to keep him warm. i doubt this will happen but i think it'd be a neat if nick walked away to be in his feelings if he ran into darcy (if alice is working up to the kicking out plot, maybe?) like if nick finds them at a park and he's like WOAH your gf is looking for you and then they talk about stuff together. I think Darcy and Nick are so similar in that they're the "golden retrievers" and do not get checked in on as often/ bury their actual feelings behind humor or kindness. I LOVE NICK'S LITTLE ANGERY FACE HERE LOOK AT HIM...

Again, something that's really bugging me is the fact that Nick is really drunk, the drunkest he's been in front of his friends and none of them are checking in on him? Idk. Maybe I'm the friend that's too woke but I do not let my friends walk away from me if they're that fucking plastered. no sir. I am your babysitter now come drink some water and eat these snacks real quick. It makes me really sad! I know everyone is having their issues in these pages but it worries me.

now big applause for charlie for not entertaining this. it's a very quiet dismissal, confused, even. now! the fact that both nick and charlie got flirted with back to back and alice shows us how they are shutting that shit down. delicious! I will say-- i'm curious to know if Charlie knows this guy is flirting with him, because Nick didn't seem aware that the girl was flirting with him in the previous chapter. Although, I'd argue Charlie is much more socially aware of things than Nick is (both because of his history with being bullied, OCD making him overthink every interaction he has, more experience, etc.) However, I also think this dude planted a seed of doubt in Nick's mind and I'm wondering if Nick will try to break up with Charlie so Charlie can have more/better experiences and I wonder if that's the case, if Charlie will step up and take control of the situation because Nick has... kind of been getting worse for a while now and it seems like Charlie is the only person who's been picking up on how stressed Nick's been? Thirdly, this is my specific thing but I think Nick needs to get physically unwell before people start going OH there is something wrong with you. I need him to have a bit of a come apart so desperately!!! I'm gonna backread some of the stuff starting at 8-1 but it hurts fellas. it hurts real bad.

[ilions-end]

i know the armor hephaestus makes for achilles in the iliad is frequently referred to as "the divine armor" or similar (i've probably done that too at some point tbh) but the thing is that achilles' first armor that needed replacing (because patroclus wore it and hector took it as spoils) was also made by hephaestus, right? as a wedding gift to peleus.

sure hephaestus is clearly happy to do thetis the favor of crafting the new one because she's like a second mother to him, but i have to imagine as he's making it he's also thinking "omfg didn't i JUST do this"

[oynonrings]

In lieu of your fics being the only thing keeping me sane through my midterms: have you ever considered a college au or something?

I thing burda meeting when theyre younger would be so fascinating. both of them considerably less worldly and probably much more of hardasses. the stress of work, classes, social networking, etc etc driving them both up the wall but they can find reprieve and outlet in one another

alternatively one of them having to go to the place where the other lives for residency training and hating each other for a while until they yknow. dont.

YES ABSOLUTELY. i constantly think about how both of them were in the capital at the same time for their studies and very well could have met in college or working in a hospital. the caveat is that while i did go to college it was american and not medical school so i have no fucking clue how early 20th century russian medical school works. and there arent a ton of resources on google so im going off of my own experience

in a more college/university focused setting, i could absolutely see them as roommates (oh my god they were roommates...) and having an "enemies" to friends to lovers, but not really enemies, theyre both just horrible roommates to each other. daniil cant stand having someone in his space (that one whoopi goldberg(i think?) quote thats like "i dont want somebody in my house") and hes a bit of a prick before hes outgrown the worst of his superiority complex, and artemy cant fucking stand his ego and his PACING. (i could see a scene where theyre younger and even hotter tempered and daniil wont stop pacing at night when artemys trying to sleep so artemy physically grabs him and pins him to his bed to say "SIT. STILL." and they both have an oh. Oh. moment)

and the fucking stamatin twins are there too, at least at first, which makes it even funnier. artemy leaves one friend group of four unstable people to join another.

not to mention that daniils a couple of years older (hes 29 and artemys 26 in p1 iirc) and he would drive artemy CRAZY with holding his seniority over him, like "just do what i tell you, i know what im doing, im older than you" and artemys like "YOURE STILL A STUDENT TOO JACKASS YOURE NOT THAT MUCH OLDER AND I COULD SNAP YOU IN HALF"

[randomisedmongoose]

Augh, I'm getting the post-project blues. You get that amazing high afterwards where you want to start fifteen new things and everything is good and shiny, and now it's slowly melting away into feeling unsure and second-guessing. Means it's time to return to sources and recharge, but still. A frustrating state.