#thing about steve is since eve is the guy who ends up knowing about System she has funny relationships with everyone

[autistickfigure]

in trying to be Funny for Camp i now have to think about BOB past. FUUUUUCK

*you know how it is with spaghetti

[robin-the-enby]

I've been wanting to request a Marvel one for a while now, but have just finally thought of something that I agreed on—

A oneshot with the avengers and the genderless reader celebrating their first birthday. Like where they came from, birthdays don't exist, the actual celebration and having a date of being born doesn't exist for them.

I'm also only familiar with the movies so I don't know what actually happened after Endgame— So spoilers outside that would be very appreciated if that's alright—

True meaning behind birthdays

Pairing: Avengers x gn!reader (platonic)

Summary: Reader comes from a planet where birthdays don't exist. The others decide to throw the best first birthday party ever for them.

A/N: I made this story so that it doesn't contain any spoilers. I really hope you like this, I tried my best.

Y/BD - your birthdate

Earth didn't have the best reputation among the other planets. Everyone you knew always told you it's a place not worth visiting. But that didn't stop you.

And oh wrong they all were. Sure, Earth didn't have the most impressive technology, but it compensated for it with many rich and diverse cultures. So many nationalities and religions, each celebrating their own holidays and traditions. Sure, some might say that it was impractical for so many cultures to live alongside each other, but you thought it was fascinating.

You've been on Earth for over half a year now and you already knew about many human customs, yet there was still so much more to learn, since they mingled with each other constantly, for example holidays typically celebrated in the U.S. migrated all the way to middle Europe.

However, there were some events that were celebrated by everyone. Like New Years Eve, when humans celebrated their planet's complete rotation around the Sun. Silly creatures. And the biggest catch? Different people celebrated New Years on different days!

You chuckled at the memory, focusing on your previous activity. You were relaxing in the compound's living room, since there weren't any missions that regular S.H.I.E.L.D. agents couldn't handle on their own.

You were soon joined by Tony, a very extravagant and bold man, but still a very friendly colleague of yours. He scooted over until he was sitting next to you and asked "So, how did you enjoy Nat's birthday party?"

Ah, birthdays, of course. Celebrating one's day of birth every year was something all humans did as well. The concept was very foreign to you, I mean, why would anyone celebrate being one year closer to death? Still, you could not deny that you enjoyed yourself very much.

"Are you asking just because you organized the thing?" you asked back with an arched brow. Tony looked at you as if you grew a second head "Y/N! You know I'm better than that!"

"But...did you like it?" he asked after a few moments of quiet. You laughed "Yes Tony, I really enjoyed the party." You could practically see his face light up like a Christmas tree (another thing you discovered during your time here) "Awesome! Say, when can we celebrate your birthday?"

Oh... "Uhm, well, I don't really have one..." you explained. Tony's eyes widened "What do you mean? Everybody has a birthdate!" he chuckled, but his tone was mainly confused. "Well, yes, of course I have a birthdate, but where I come from, birthdays aren't really a thing. We don't celebrate them or even really acknowledge them." you shrugged.

"Well, when is your birthday?" Tony asked. You thought for a moment, before replying "Well, we don't really divide our days the same way you humans do. You would describe someone's date of birth with the day, month and year, whereas we just describe it with the position a certain set of constellations has in the sky at that moment. You'd be surprised how accurate it is." Tony blinked a few times "Yeah, that doesn't clear it up much." You laughed again.

For the next couple of minutes you tried to explain to Tony how it all worked, using "your" constellation as an example, not knowing about the plan the genius playboy had in mind all along.

After he told you he finally understood what you meant, he promptly excused himself, saying he was actually just taking a break from something he and Bruce were working on. You said your "see you later"s and parted ways.

As Tony entered the lab, Bruce, who has been working on their project when Tony had his break, looked up to see who came in, before turning back to the machine set on the working table in front of him. "Hi Tony." he muttered "Did you enjoy your break?"

Tony walked over to his friend and leaned on the table he was working on "Yea yeah. Listen, I have an interesting idea..."

It took a lot of math and research, but after a few days, the two geniuses finally had it. They managed to convert your birthdate from your people's system to theirs and it was supposed to be on Y/BD.

Which was gonna be pretty pretty damn soon.

So they did the most logical thing. They called a secret Avengers meeting to get everyone in on the plan.

"Are you sure they even want a birthday party?" Steve asked, because the last thing he would want to is to make you uncomfortable.

"Of course, you know they like to be involved in everything." Wanda reassured him with a wave of her hand. "Still, I think we shouldn't throw a big party." Steve muttered. "I agree, it's their first birthday, we wouldn't want to overwhelm them." Vision nodded. Tony sighed and slumped in his chair dramatically "Ugh, okay then. You guys are no fun, I swear..." straightening up once again, he eyed everyone seriously "Okay, here's the plan..."

And what a plan it was. Wanda and Vision were in charge of making a birthday cake, Tony and Nat were in charge of the alcohol and your favourite drink. Thor was in charge of getting your favourite snacks, Bruce and Sam were in charge of decorating and that left Steve in charge of taking you somewhere nice until the others had everything ready.

It wouldn't have been that odd for someone from the team to ask you to hang out, but you couldn't help but notice Steve's eyes darting around almost as if in fear. He must've thought he was being sneaky, but that couldn't be further from the truth.

But once you were out of the compound, you could feel Steve relax as he took you to a restaurant that quickly became your favourite after a few weeks of staying with the Avengers.

You two had so much fun, talking about anything and everything. One thing you had in common with the captain was your love for exploring. Of course, he knew much more about Earth than you, but he still missed nearly seventy years. You two would often share your favourite music or artists you discovered, as well as movies or literature.

"What do you think about birthdays Y/N?" he asked you out of the blue. It caught you off guard a little. Just a few moments ago you were discussing if Disney was a good brand or not and now this...Especially when you discussed birthdays with Tony just a few weeks ago. Strange...

"I think it's fascinating how you humans find so many things worth celebrating. I mean, birthdays are a little hard for me to understand, why would you want to celebrate getting older? I thought that humans wanted to avoid that?"

This answer seemed to throw Steve off his rhythm for a bit. "Well, it's not really about that-" he wanted to explain, but was cut off by a buzzing sound. Steve quickly reached into his pocket, taking out his phone, the culprit guilty of disrupting your conversation, checking the text message he recieved, before putting it back and looking at you again "Sorry, Fury needs me for something. Do you mind if I drop you off and then go?"

You were a little sad that your good time had to end so soon, since you both were having so much fun, but you knew it couldn't be helped, so you just shook your head and smiled.

As you made your way back, you turned to Steve again "So, what did you want to tell me, back at the restaurant?" you tilted your head to the side.

Steve almost started talking again, but before any sound could escape his mouth, it seemed like he changed his mind "Would you believe me if I told you I really don't remember?" he chuckled awkwardly. You couldn't help but squint at him. He was acting very suspiciously... "Yeah..." you answered absentmindedly. Just what was going on?

You spent the whole journey back to the compound mulling it over in your head. Was it somebody's birthday? No, surely they would've told you if that was the case. Was it your birthday? But, nobody knew when that was. So what on Earth was going on??

You decided you were gonna confront Steve if he wasn't going o explain anything by himself. So as soon as you were about to pass the compound's living room, you quickly tugged him in, telling him you needed to talk to him before he had to go.

The room was darkened, somebody must've drawn down the blinds. That didn't matter to you in that moment, you wanted answers. Steve became a silhouette in front of you, so you couldn't see his exact expression. You looked into what you imagined were his eyes, and with the most serious look you could muster you said "Alright Steve, quit joking around. What is happening?"

But before your interrogation could progress, the blinds were drawn up and the room was suddenly bathed in light as people yelled "Happy birthday!!!"

You whirled around and saw everyone gathered in the living room, standing around the coffee table, upon which were various snacks that you grew to love during your stay here, complete with your favourite drink, and in the middle of it all sat a beautiful cake. The room was decorated with ornaments in your favourite colours and everyone had a big smile plastered in their face.

Well, you certainly did not expect that. After carefully looking around at everything, you couldn't help but laugh "So it's my birthday??" you asked, surprised.

"Wait, what did cap told you?" Tony asked, alarmed. "Well, nothing specific, but he wasn't subtle either." you smiled and looked at the now blushing Steve from the corner of your eye.

The rest of the day was great, possibly the best one you've had here. Good food, drinks and laughter all around. It warmed your heart to receive so many beautiful gifts, words couldn't express just how grateful you were. One thing still nagged in your brain though...

All of you were seated on the various sofas and armchairs around the coffee table, calmly chatting about beloved memories, exchanging funny stories and everything was heavenly peacful.

"I still can't wrap my head around why you would go throuh all the trouble for me." you shook your head, the disbelief still lingering in your mind.

"Well, that's simple. We like having you around." Tony shrugged. The others nodded. "Yeah, we appreciate having you with us. You're a great friend." Wanda added. "Celebrating birthdays is like showing gratefulness that the celebrated person is still with you." Bruce explained.

Their confessions were so heartwarming, you couldn't help but to shed a few tears. Sam, who was sitting next to you, put his arm around your shoulders, rubbing your arm comfortingly. So that's what birthdays were really about...

It was great to have friends.

[thenightling]

The Dreaming (2018) in a nut shell

Full plot of The Dreaming (2018 run).  This is copied and pasted from a Discord conversation because I didn’t feel like repeating myself...  That’s also why it’s a bit disjointed.

I'll explain the whole plot as best I can, bear with me. There's this monstress named Dora living in The Dreaming, and she's got a chip on her shoulder since Morpheus had once promised her she'd never have to be afraid ever again and that was shortly before The Kindly Ones.  Anyway, she's been haunting the dream of this woman dying of throat cancer (revealed to be Rose's mother).  Daniel goes MIA and doesn't seem to want to be found.

Suddenly these "blanks" generic looking humanoid enterities start pouring in from cracks in the dreaming.   Mervyn invents a racial slur for them of Soggies (totally not "wet backs").

While Daniel is gone Judge Gallows (another old DC horror host) takes over The Dreaming and promises to make The dreaming great again.

Dora befriends one of the blanks who is very child-like and names him Ziggy. Merv starts penning them up on behalf of Judge Gallows and even attempts to lynch Ziggy. 

Merv has a grudge.  Shortly before Judge Gallows took over Lucien used the helm to un-create Merv's friends right on the steps of the caslte and it was implied to be out of spite

("I did warn you." - said by Lucien).  It's a "They took our jobs" thing, apparently. The blanks are more efficient. No immigration metaphors here, nope.

Lucien is apparently slowly losing his mind / going senile.  He can't remember anything.   Eventually Judge Gallows gets defeated and replaced with this weird AI, yes an AI named Wan.   WAN, as it turns out was created by this character who looks suspiciously like Steve Jobs. Actual character name: Hyperion Keter.

Totally not Steve Jobs had a nightmare decades before where Dora was attacking him.  he had confronted her in the dream and told her she's not real.  This caused her to have an existential crisis and flee into The Dreaming where Morpheus had tended to her and sealed her own memories to protect her mind.  He also hid the newly re-created ruby dreamstone inside her to aid her until she no longer needed it.

Steve Jobs-Knock-off guy creates Wan with the intention of invading and conquering The dreaming.  He thinks all the ills of humanity come from dreams.  Greed, superstition, religious zealousness.   Oh, by the way, Judge Gallows heavily indicates that Morpheus caused the civil war and holocaust by creating him (Judge Gallows) to prey on man's fear of "The other". So anyway, while that was going on Daniel was playing human and dating Ivy. Steve Jobs sends some occultists to steal a lock of Ivy's hair to control her.  Ivy gets upset when Daniel won't let her tattoo him since she's a tattoo artist. (that's where I grew to hate her).  She doesn’t accept no means no with his bodily autonomy.  Daniel apologizes to her and proposes marriage.  He gives her an emerald ring.

The occultists (working out of Fawny Rig) control Ivy and she gives Daniel a dream catcher / tree of life tattoo that works as a geas to bar him from The Dreaming and prevent him from calling out for help.

Ivy tries to "apologize" by giving him a cup of tea but it turns out to be poisoned.   Desire (or what appears to be Desire, it might be posthumous Morpheus in disguise, the face is always partly hidden and he's very thin) warns Rose of what's going on and Rose slaps the drink from Daniel's hand but he's already had a taste.  Daniel, freaks the f--k out.

A dog walker eats his own fingers right there on the beach.   Someone screams until their vocal chords burst in their throat.  Daniel is maming and mutilating right and left (and this is NOT where those partiers were killed, that was earlier and said very nonchalantly during the dating montage.  Daniel made some drunk bachelor party guys who cat called Ivy walk into the ocean and drown...  I think he killed the entire party...)

Daniel finds the occultists and traps them all in terrible nightmare half-concious states but still weakened and unable to return to The Dreaming he goes to apologize to Ivy, knowing she was being controlled but it's too late, she's ODed and brain dead.

He takes her soul with him to flee to another universe.

Dora, meanwhile, gets a hold of Destruction's sword, briefly meets up with Nuala (who has learned Titania's true name thanks to Daniel stopping by for help with the fae).  Daniel gets the egg that Titania has from back during the original Books of Magic, this is the "Mundane Egg" able to open or create another universe.

Anyway, back in The Dreaming Wan (the AI) is trying to run things and doesn't know it has a secret dark side programming to destroy the place.

Wan legitimately wants to do good and blacks out when the other side takes over. An AI with a split personality. Wan talks Abel into taking the initiative and kill Cain...

Cain does not revive. Wan also digitizes the entire dreaming library because of Lucien's memory problems.   Lucien decides he wants to die.

Abel scooped out Matthew's eyes with a spoon and gives him his own eyes so Matthew can see what he sses, the secret that Wan is destroying The Dreaming. Matthew with giant human eyes sticking out of his tiny raven head, Abel (whose eyes grow back), and Dora, head out to save the dreaming.

Cain, meanwhile, his soul was uploaded into an AI at the home of Not-Steve Jobs. So he's there.  The heroes make their way there and learn the story of why things are happening.   Poor not-Steve Jobs was dying of cancer (this was really tasteless to model him after Steve jobs).  And Daniel briefly came to him, showing him what he was destroying in destroying The Dreaming,  Hyperion tried to set things right but his own minion stopped him.

Dora shows up and accidentally shuts down Steve's life support system. Rose gets told more exposition dump from "Desire" (I'm telling you, there are clues it's actually Morpheus) She hijacks a bus to get to Steve Jobs'  place. Here we discover the re-created ruby dream stone was inside Dora the whole time.  Lucien, meanwhile, had tried to be re-abosrbed into The Dreaming with the help of his dream friends (eve, Merv, etc).  And he has a brief visit with Death who introduces him to Steve Jobs and gives him a special book that has all of Lucien's lost memories. Dora returns to The dreaming with the dream stone, and her, Lucien, and the other dream folk are able to summon Daniel back, breaking the geas spell he was under (Ivy is left behind).

Dora is a Night Hag, by the way.   That was her big secret besides having the ruby in her. They kept harping on how special she was, that she wasn't like the others in the Dreaming. ...she was a Night hag, that's it.  They kept going on about her being special, this big secret, she's a night hag.  Eve delviers a line I cannot forgive.  She says something like "We were worried he only kept us around out of laziness or loneliness. We were wrong."  They were HAPPY they were there as a failsafe, as tools in case he got captured again in the waking world.  They would rather be tools than for someone to want them around out of loneliness?!  Daniel uncreates Wan but as Wan begns to fade the good side of Wan helps Daniel set things right and apologizes for its other personality. Daniel erases Rose's memory of the entire adventure (which I think is bullshit).  She lost her f--king daughter, you asshole!  And Lucien learns to be 'More assertive" and when Daniel requests he come to the throne room so he can thank them formally Lucien says no, because he's drinking with Dora.

"character growth" TM

 hated Simon's run of The Dreaming but not as much as I hate Caitlin R. Kiernan's. 

Dreaming Waking Hours is about a Nightmare named Ruin who escapes to the waking world because he's fallen in love with a mortal.   It's so much better but all the events of Simon's Dreaming are still canon so that's a problem. The villain being modeled after Steve Jobs even if he sees the error of his ways in the end was totally tasteless. My hands ache from writing all that out...

Oh, and Cain is back to normal (for him) he and Abel took turns in a sort of tag team tormenting the tech support for Wan, via nightmares. So they couldn't intervene in stopping the destruction of the AI. That was actually a fun scene. "There will be no tech support today." Cain shows up with a chainsaw.

Also the reason "not Steve Jobs" knew about Dream was because he found a journal from an occultist at a garage sale that described Morpheus' capture.

I think I'm still traumatized from reading it, especially the early issues where Merv was used as a Trump supporter allegory. And Abel did give Matthew back his normal raven eyes while they were in Steve Job's house.   Though don't ask me how Abel even did the initial eye surgery of putting his eyes in Matthew while he was blinded.  

Someone tried telling me Simon Spurrier wasn't trying for a Republican metaphor, he was making a commentary on the Tories How is that better?!?

It's still a very dated political reference.

[saultnpeppah]

Day 1: Buying the Ring

Event time! I'm so happy I was able to get something done to participate in this event. It's been a while since I wrote anything and I thought what would be a better time to get back into writing for this magnificent duo than with a WonderBat event?

I've decided to base this whole event on the AU versions that I wrote for both "O' Christmas Tree" and "New Years Eve", because we all know I like to tie other stories in with each other. There's something about writing an AU that makes me very excited. If you haven't read those two yet, I would strongly suggest you do that to give you a bit of background. I hope you all enjoy this!

January 27. Metropolis. 12:32

Bruce

My heart races as I sit behind the wheel, my hands shaking as I think about what has led me to this place. For months, maybe even years, I have known this was what I wanted, but there is still part of me that worries this isn't what is the best. I feel like the last year has been nothing but a dream, and I'm waiting to wake up. But I don't want to wake up. I want to continue this, continue down this journey with her.

Diana has been my rock since we've started dating- actually she's been my best friend and support system much longer than that. Ever since she transferred to Gotham back in elementary school, she has been supportive, even when I didn't deserve it. She is such a kind, caring, beautiful and compassionate person, and I don't know what I've done to make her choose me, but I will strive to continue to make her as happy as she's made me.

My hands continue to shake as I shift gears, placing the car into park, before I turn off the engine. I let out a small sigh and close my eyes, gently biting my bottom lip in nervous frustration. I know what I am doing is needed, but I can't help but feel it is a bit overwhelming. Diana and I have talked about this before, but it was never an idea set in stone, and I wonder if this is something that I solely want. My hand reaches for the key still in the ignition, ready to bring the car back to life, when my phone begins to ring from inside my coat pocket.

My hand abandons its path to the key and instead digs into my pocket of the coat folded neatly on my passenger seat. It is on its third ring by the time I fish out the phone and I quickly turn the device to see the screen, my lips curling into a smile when I see the name flashing in bright letters across the glass.

"Hello," I say. I pray my voice doesn't give off just how nervous I have been all morning, and when I only hear silence I fear it might have. I soon breathe a small sigh of relief when I hear a chuckle come through the phone followed by Diana's voice.

"Where are you?" she asks, although she already knows the answer. She knows I have business to tend to in Metropolis, I distinctly remember telling her this a few days ago. I was never specific in what I would be doing, as I was worried she would figure out my plan and ruin it, however I realize doing so might make things all the more suspicious.

"I'm in Metropolis," I state, pulling the keys from the ignition and placing them into the coat pocket my phone was housed in moments prior.

She scoffs at my answer. "I know that," she says, "but where in Metropolis?"

It is my turn to chuckle as I shake my head. If I give her even the slightest clue as to where I am she will have no problem making the trip over the bay to join me, and that is the last thing I want. I would still like to surprise her every now and then, and this might be the biggest surprise of them all.

"Downtown," I say. I open the door to the car and step out in the cold winter breeze, reaching back inside the vehicle to grab my coat before I quickly pull it on. As I look over the tall buildings that line the streets of downtown Metropolis, my lips twitch into a smirk. The giant sphere that sits atop of the Daily Planet is in perfect view from where I stand, and I mentally add another item on the to do list, before I close the car door, listening for it to lock before I focus my attention back to my conversation with Diana.

"Hey, Di," I say, patting my back pocket to check for my wallet, "I have to get going. I'll see you later tonight?" I know the answer even before I ask. Diana has been spending nearly all of her free time at the manor, and at first it was a bit frightening; I was used to having the place to myself, with the exception of Alfred of course. But the more time I spent with Diana, the more I wanted her around. It was always so quiet when she left, even if it was for a few hours to get items from her apartment by the bay.

After her incident with the tree, where my stupid self insecurities had caused her to get hurt, I knew there was only one logical thing to do: I had asked her to move in with me. Of course she had accepted, and we both knew what this meant, but I did not care. Bruce Wayne was a bachelor no longer, and I welcomed that change wholeheartedly. It had been a few weeks since I had asked Diana to move in, and although she had a few items still at her place, she was spending every night with me and Alfred.

"Of course," she states, just as I expected.

I am just about to say my goodbyes when she chimes in with, "Don't forget we're having dinner with my mother next week."

I nod even though she can't see. "I know," I say. It is one of the reasons I am currently walking down the streets of Metropolis in freezing weather. "I'll see you tonight."

"See you tonight," she repeats. "I love you."

I am unable to help the smile that forms hearing those three words. We have only been saying that phrase to each other for a few weeks, but it seems like we've known it for years. "I love you too," I return. I wait for her to end the call before I shove the phone back into my pocket and continue down the street. I know now, with absolute certainty, that I am doing the right thing. If thoughts of Diana haven't convinced me, her saying those three words have reminded me of all the reasons I love this woman so dearly.

XXXXXXX

"Stop that!"

My lips curl into a smirk and I turn my face, trying to avoid the death glare Diana and a few of our classmates are throwing my way. "Stop what?" I ask, raising an eyebrow.

Diana only furrows her eyebrows even more and places a hand on her hip. My smirk does nothing to her, it never does, and I let out a sigh before I relax my face. "You're no fun," I whisper under my breath, but when she raises an eyebrow, I know she's heard me. How does she do that? The woman seems to know exactly what I'm thinking and while that might be fun occasionally, it's hard to keep myself from letting her know just how hard I'm falling for - scratch that- have fallen for her. It's impossible not to. She's smart, she's funny, she's the most compassionate person I know. Not to mention she's absolutely gorgeous.

"I'm a lot of fun," she says, throwing her arms up in frustration.

One of the guys beside her only scoffs. "That's not what Steve said," he remarks.

I watch as Diana whips her head to glance at Marcus, the one who can't keep his snide comments to himself. Her jaw clenches at the mention of her ex-boyfriend and she stares at the boy, silently burning a hole into the side of his face. If there was one person you didn't want to make angry, it was Diana. Sure, she was the sweetest person I knew, but even the cuddliest puppy could become aggressive when provoked - and Steve was definitely a sore spot for her.

Having broken up with Diana over the summer before he headed into the military, many had assumed it was because he was sparing her the idea of a long distance relationship. Others assumed it was because he didn't want to be tied down going into the Army. But I knew there was more to it. Diana never told me the true extent of things, but I had a hunch. Either way, he didn't deserve her.

"Callahan," I say, startling the rest of the group. I take a step toward Marcus, watching as he takes a step back and raises his hands in surrender. But I'm not done with him just yet. I take another step toward the sophomore and jab him in the chest. "Apologize," I say, narrowing my eyes at the frightened boy.

He nods and gulps before he turns to Diana. "I'm sorry, Diana," he says, "That was uncalled for." He takes another step behind his twin sister, Rose, and breathes a sigh of relief. I may not be the biggest, nor the strongest, or smartest guy on campus, but money talks.

"Okay, okay," Diana says. She places a hand on my shoulder and yanks me back, flaring her nostrils as she shakes her head. My cheeks begin to burn red as I watch her eyes narrow and I turn away from Marcus, Rose, and the two other guys who have remained quiet this whole afternoon. Diana hates when I jump to her rescue; it was one of the reasons she and Steve argued so much.

I know I should've stayed quiet, let her fight her own battles, but she's my best friend. Diana is beautiful, and she knows this. Her confidence is portrayed as egotistical, and people tend to have very few wholesome thoughts of her. She deserves more than what people give her. Not to mention her accent always seems to draw attention, whether it be positive or negative.

Diana glances over her shoulder at the clock on the wall. It is well past four forty-five and she needs to be home before her mother starts to worry; another reason she hates people being over protective of her. Her mother worries enough, Diana doesn't need me to add to it.

"It's getting late," she says as she walks to her desk. "How about we pick this back up tomorrow after class?" She closes the copy of Shakespear's Romeo and Juliet that has been laying open on her desk and turns to the group. They all nod, tired of having read and translated the infamous tragedy, before they begin to gather their own items. She turns to me and gives me a small smile, letting me know she's not as angry as I think.

"Great, see everyone tomorrow." Everyone nods and walks out of the room. When it is just the two of us Diana turns to face me and raises an eyebrow, silently asking me what I was thinking.

"I know, I know," I say, holding my hand up, stopping her from lecturing me. I shove my own copy of Romeo and Juliet into my book bag and zip it up. I watch as she finishes packing her own bag, her lips quivering as she tries to hide a smile.

"People already think you're more than a friend, Bruce," she says. "You know the gossip at this school travels fast."

I know this, but would it be so bad if we were more than friends? Of course it would be. She's my best friend, and I don't want to do anything to ruin the only genuine friendship I've had since my parents' deaths. When Diana and I first met, she didn't treat me like some fragile boy, much like what the rest of the world did. To everyone else I was someone to be pitied, someone who didn't know how to live the rest of my life in happiness. And for a moment, I believed them. But Diana saw through that. She helped me more than I like to admit, and because of that, I vowed I would never do anything to ruin our friendship. Besides, I didn't exactly have a good track record with relationships.

"Let people think what they want," is all I say. She glances at me over her shoulder and lets out a chuckle, shaking her head as she walks toward the projector and turns it off.

"Easy for you to say. You enjoy the attention." She continues to walk around the classroom, checking to make sure she has closed and secured everything, before she pulls the large key from her pocket. She nods to the door, telling me to go, and I oblige, grabbing both of our bags and stepping out of the classroom and into the empty hall. "In case you haven't noticed, I get enough attention," she states as she closes the door and locks up, pushing it to make sure it is secure, before she turns to me.

Of course I've noticed. But I wouldn't dare tell her that. I hand her her bag and mumble a quick, "Sorry," before the two of us head down the hall toward the main office.

It is quiet as we walk, both exhausted from the last week. I can't wait for Midterms to be over, and as I steal a glance at Diana, I can tell she hasn't been sleeping much. She turns her head and catches me staring, her lips curling into a smile as a faint hue of pink begins to grace her cheeks. "Do I have something on my face?" she asks.

I chuckle nervously before nodding. "Yeah," I say, "I don't know what's going on here." I move my finger around her face and flash her a smirk.

She realizes my joke and nudges me with her shoulder, shaking her head as we turn the corner. "I can't wait until this week is over," she says with a sigh. "Although this whole Romeo and Juliet presentation would be a lot easier if you could play nicely."

I only shrug. Group presentations were never my strong suit. Group "anythings" were never my strong suit. "I just hate Romeo and Juliet," I say.

She raises an eyebrow and places a hand on my arm. "Sometimes the thought of living without someone you love makes people do stupid things," she says. "Whether that's a lover," she begins, lowering her voice, "or a parent."

I am momentarily surprised by what she says, freezing in my spot. She gently squeezes my arm, letting me know she hasn't told anyone of how I used to feel, lonely and wanting to die, before she gives me a nod. I give her a weak smile, waiting for her to smile, before we begin our journey back down the hallway in comfortable silence.

XXXXXX

I quickly walk into the shop at the end of the street, quickly closing the door to block the chilly air from entering behind me. There is a middle aged woman behind the counter who smiles when she notices me. "Good afternoon," she greets. "How can I help you?"

I take a step toward her and pull the coat from my body, suddenly sweating by the sudden temperature change, and maybe the nerves. "Hello," I say. "I have an appointment with Gustavo."

She nods and clasps her hands together. "Ah yes, Mr. Wayne," she answers, placing the jewelry stand in her hand on top of one of the glass display containers. "Gustavo should be right in," she says, "Can I show you a few of your selections?"

I nod, watching as she turns and unlocks one of the vaults behind the counter. As she pulls a tray containing a handful of velvet boxes onto the glass, an older burly man walks around the corner and into the main display room: Gustavo.

My family has come to Gustavo's for generations. I knew this was the place I wanted to come to find that special ring ever since my father told me of the time he asked my mother for her hand.

"Ah, Bruce," Gustavo greets. He offers me a hand, which I shake, and places a hand on my shoulder. "When you called me, I was so happy." He turns to the woman by his side and nods. "Ask my beautiful wife Linda, I was so, so happy," he says ecstatically.

Linda nods. "He was," she replies.

"I knew I had to come to the best," I say with a wink.

Gustavo soaks in my compliment and nudges my arm. "Oh Mr. Wayne, you make Gustavo blush," he says. "Come, let's see what we have here." He grabs one of the velvet boxes and opens it so quickly I fear the hinges will snap. Inside there is a ring that would make any woman jealous. The band is gold and the diamond that is perched on top is bright and bold. "Now this is a beautiful ring, for a beautiful woman, yes?"

I continue to look at the ring, making sure to examine every crevice. He is right, it is a beautiful ring, but it's not the one for Diana. "It is beautiful," I say, "but not the right one."

Gustavo nods. "Yes, yes. Of course." He carefully closes the box and places it on the glass, before he grabs another two boxes from Linda. "Don't you worry, Mr. Wayne, we'll find a special one for your little lady."

XXXXX

Diana sits silently, staring at the two textbooks she has laying on the table in front of her. She quietly plops a carrot into her mouth and chews, her eyes never leaving the pages that contain all the information needed to pass her Chemistry final. She carefully flips a page, her eyes narrowing as she looks at the formulas, trying to memorize the chemical compounds that have been used in every lab she had for the past year.

"I don't think it's physically possible to memorize all of this," she says as she lets out a huff. She gently uses her index and middle fingers to rub her temples. "How are you not freaking out?" she asks.

I only shrug and plop a few grapes from my own lunch into my mouth. "You're over stressing it," I say. "You're going to ace it, like you do with every exam. I wouldn't worry about it."

She only throws a glare my way before her focus goes back to the textbooks. "Easy for you to say," she mumbles.

I only smirk and let out a chuckle. "Relax, Di," I say, reaching over to close her textbooks. She opens her mouth to voice her disapproval but I shake my head. "Enough studying. You need to eat." She lets out another huff but listens. She pushes the books aside and pulls out a sandwich, quickly taking a large bite.

I give her a nod, feeling accomplished that I was able to convince her to eat. I shove the last of my lunch into my mouth and chew contently as I glance around the open courtyard. All around are students. Some are carelessly eating their lunches or socializing with friends, unbothered by the thoughts of next week's finals. Some sit like Diana, hunched over text books and notes, trying to cram for exams. And then there's Julie Madison, sitting across the courtyard, locking lips with one of the Seniors. I try to look away, but I am not fast enough as she looks up and locks eyes with mine, before she flashes me a smile.

I quickly turn away from her and shake my head. I had had my chance with Julie but I was much more interested in someone else than her. Word of our break up got around pretty quickly and it seemed as though she were enjoying the attention it brought. "You gotta stop doing that."

I turn to face Diana, who once again has her face buried in a book. "Doing what?" I ask innocently.

She turns her head to glare at me, before she looks ahead to where Julie sits. "Torturing yourself," she replies. "Why don't you just go talk to her? I'm sure she'd take you back in a heartbeat."

I absentmindedly shake my head. "I'm fine," I lie. She glances at me once more, her eyebrow raised, challenging my fib. I narrow my eyes and put on my best poker face, hoping it'll do enough to not raise anymore questions. After a moment she shrugs her shoulders and closes her book.

"So what are you going to do? Stay single forever?" she asks with a smirk.

I know what she's doing and I won't fall for it. For a year I've had to endure Diana asking me why Julie and I never lasted more than two months, but I don't have the heart to tell her it was because of her. "Maybe," is all I say as I gather my trash.

Diana scoffs and I do a double take, offended. "How about this," she begins. She places her textbooks into her book bag and zips it up. "What about, if we come to our twenty year class reunion and neither of us are married, we'll get married?"

I chuckle, stopping when I notice she doesn't seem to find it funny. In fact, she is staring at me, waiting for an answer. While the question does take me by surprise, it's not as if I haven't thought about it. Diana is my best friend, and shouldn't that be the person you marry? Besides, what is the probability it'll actually happen. As I've said before, she's an amazing woman, someone is bound to find that out and marry her before I get the chance to.

"You're being serious?" I ask.

"Absolutely," she says, stone faced.

I let my eyes wander, making it look as if I am actually pondering over the idea, but I already know my answer. "Okay," I say after a few moments, "I suppose so." She gives me a small smile and nods. "But I deserve a full proposal," I joke.

Diana is unable to help the laugh that falls from her lips. "Okay, Wayne," she says. She takes the plastic tie that was used to close her bag of carrots and twists it until it forms a tight ring. "Bruce," she says, pinching the makeshift ring between her forefinger and thumb, "will you marry me?"

"Of course," I answer as I place my hand on my chest dramatically. Diana only rolls her eyes and hands me the ring, watching as I place it on my pinky and flash her my hand. The bell ending lunch rings from the other end of the courtyard and we both stand from where we have been seated. I gather my items and sling my book bag over my shoulder. I watch as Diana quickly disposes of her trash before she grabs her bag and we rush toward the main hall.

When we are inside I walk Diana to her next class, Calculus, as I've done every day this year, casually asking if she's going to go to the big beach party Arnold Zarkousky is throwing next week after finals. She is hesitant at first but I eventually convince her to go. "Okay Prince," I say once we reach the door, "I'll have you know I am not a cheap man. I think I deserve a ring that actually fits."

Diana only chuckles and pushes my shoulder forcing me to take a step back. "I'll get you a ring pop," she says over her shoulder sarcastically as she steps into the classroom.

"Better be the blue one," I say with narrowed eyes. I watch as she shakes her head and takes her seat, before I turn on my heel and rush toward my French class, hoping my casual flirtations with Diana haven't made me late once more.

XXXXXXX

"What about this one, Mr. Wayne?" Gustavo lifts the last velvet box into his hand and silently prays that this is the ring. We have been looking at rings for nearly an hour. We have gone through the original seven Gustavo picked out, and a few more he had in the display cases. We have even toyed with the idea of custom making a ring for Diana, but things do not seem to be going great. I want this to be perfect. Diana deserves a ring that is perfect.

Gustavo hands me the box and I carefully open it. I want to say it's perfect, but there is something I can't quite put my finger on. "I'm sorry Gustavo," I say, handing him the back the ring. "I just want this to be perfect."

Gustavo nods but I can see he is getting a bit overwhelmed. "I understand," he says. "It can be a difficult thing. This woman is a lucky woman."

I nod and let out a sigh. "Gustavo, I'm the lucky one. Diana is beautiful, she's kind, she's smart, and for some reason, she's found enough reasons to love me to stay around." I look up at him and let out another sigh. "When you find a woman like that, you want to make everything possible for her. You'd move mountains just to see her beautiful smile. She makes you want to be a better man."

Gustavo nods. His eyes are moist and he lets a smile form as he tries to fight the tears. "I understand completely, Mr. Wayne," he says. He reaches over and grabs Linda's hand, gives it a gentle squeeze, and kisses her cheek. "When you find a woman like that, you want to give her the world. Yes, you are a lucky man sir, just like me. Lucky to have found your Linda!"

I nod as I let out a small chuckle. I watch as Gustavo kisses his wife's cheek two more times before she pushes him away giggling. "I think I might have just what you're looking for," Linda says. She disappears behind the counter, only to pop up a minute later, a black box in her small manicured hands. She hands the box to Gustavo, watching with a smile as he opens the lid.

"Ah, Bellissima," he says, kissing his wife once more. "My wife is as smart as she is beautiful!" He watches as his wife blushes, trying to wave off the compliment, before he hands me the box. "Take a look, Mr. Wayne," he says. "I think you'll find this one is, perfetto!"

I grab the box from Gustavo's hand and take a deep breath. I open the box and stare at the ring. I can see Gustavo grab his wife around the waist and hold her close as they watch me inspect the piece of jewelry. After a few moments I close the box, a smile on my face, and say, "It's perfect. This is the one."

The two throw their hands up in celebration. "Magnifico," Gustavo says. He walks around the display case and places a hand on my shoulder. "Let's get you all settled Mr. Wayne, so you can plan the best proposal ever."

The two get everything situated fairly quickly and within the hour I am heading out the door back into the winter breeze. "Don't you be a stranger, Mr. Wayne," Gustavo says from behind the counter. "And you bring the future Mrs. Wayne here, so Gustavo can tell her how you didn't stop until you got the perfect ring!"

"Of course," I say, as I step out of the shop. I give the older couple a small wave, watching as they happily wave back from inside, before I walk down the street.

I let out a sigh of relief. I never knew this could be so stressful, but it'll all be worth it. This is what I want, more than anything. I wouldn't have spent all that time looking at dozens upon dozens of rings if I wasn't sure.

Turning the corner, I continue down the street. The sun has come up and the temperature has risen slightly, but the wind is still as strong as ever. I quickly reach into my coat pocket and pull out my phone, dial the familiar number, and wait for them to answer. A few moments later I hear the distinct voice on the other end whisper a, "Hello," and I smile as my free hand pats the pocket where the ring now rests.

"Hi," is my response. "Can we meet up?"

@fyeahwonderbat

[blackmist111]

Present

Warnings: swearing, self-degrading, injured, a bit blood, cheating, angst and shitty fic.

Word Count:  4565

A/N: This is my first fic. It’s shitty and bad. So….be kind! or be mean lol idk. Let me know what you think. So, this is bad because a) I’m not a writer, b) I’m not the type of a person that is good at describing feelings. I can feel things but not good at telling or describing them lol. Btw, I do not take requests. This is just an idea that has been in my head for like…forever I think. Forgive me if there’s any grammar error. Also! I was listening to The Christmas Song (Amazon Original) by JoJo while writing this (pretty fucked up of me writing angst fic while listening to a happy song lol). And Merry Christmas!

Notes: Reader is Jensen’s sister from The Losers. And the conversation between Natasha and Bucky is from American Horror Story : Hotel.

Summary: You got an early Christmas gift this year.

They are all blindly coming towards ‘you’ right now. Stupid. Smiling as you check all their cameras and leader’s coms in this cozy small café. Everything is going smoothly as you planned. Going on a mission like this really annoyed you because it takes patients, lots of plans and doing undercover. It’s not like you can’t do it, come on, you were trained by SHIELD and some of your fellow Avengers.

Watching them all went to one of the bunkers, hallways full of guarded armies ready to shoot. And with one click, all of that place explodes. Now their army’s busy dealing with that, all you gotta do is go to their leader and take the most dangerous microchip that can make the whole world chaos.

You pack your laptop and stuff, and pay your coffee. Your specialty is hacking, like your brother, Jensen. Only he’s more into military and you used to work at a tech company. The reason you being an Avenger was you hacked into SHIELD system after Loki’s tragedy in New York, trying to know who are these super heroes. Read all their information that you’re not supposed to know. And also stole three millions from Tony Stark. What? That man’s loaded anyway. One day before you’re going to work, suddenly all the electricity at your apartment were cut out. You open your bedroom door, and saw 15 SHIELD agents pointing guns at you. Turns out that nobody, NOBODY has ever hacked into SHIELD and Tony Stark system. Took 30 people to make the system unbreakable.

Turning off your car’s engine. Now you are currently at the leader’s mansion. Sneaking in from the back door to his office. Going undercover for ten months and got the access in this mansion, you memorised it like the back of your hands. Just as you thought, he is in there. knocking out the leader after taking that microchip and suddenly one of the maids saw you. Turns out she’s also a trained guard too. She picked up a knife and throws it towards you. Almost hit at your hand but you quickly turned to her and about to shoot her, but at the same time she already picked up another knife and running towards you. She threw herself at you but it’s too late for her because you already shot her. Actually it’s too late for the both of you because when you shot her, the knife is already when through your left side.

Pushing her body to the side, look down at place that you’ve been stabbed. Guess you got lucky because the cut didn’t deep enough to cause you to lose consciousness…yet. You try to stand up slowly while pressing the wound. Once you’re sure you can stand up properly, you making your way out of there.

“I got the chip and get Carlos ready with his medkit” you inform while driving. “Copy that. We’re almost there” after that, tossing the phone aside and place your hand on the wound. “Great. Just….great. Now how am I supposed to go to that party” talking to yourself.

When you arrive at the meeting point, the Quinjet is already there waiting for you. After you safely got in the Quinjet, Agent Carlos immediately by your side helping you to the chair that’s already look like a small bed. You don’t know how he did that but it is a bed now.

“Where is it?” Carlos asked, while his eyes searching you body.

“On my left side. Just a small stab” you chuckled “but you better hurry up ‘cause I’m starting to feel kinda dizzy”

Carlos help you laying down and getting started to treat your wound.

“Can you believe Stefani did this?”

“No way. I thought you were cool with her?” Carlos shocked.

“Uh uh. Swear to god, I think she was a ninja or something”

“A hot ninja” Carlos smirk at you. “Come on, man. She stabbed me” you whine. “Now, be gentle! It’s starting to hurt” you told him.

“I am! Now quiet”

After feeling like forever, you can’t stand the dead silent around you. So, you raise your head a little bit so that you can see Agent Kevin that’s flying the Quinjet. “Hey Kevin, would you please turn on some Christmas jazz or Christmas song or anything? I don’t wanna pass out in this dead silent” without wasting time, Kevin did what you asked him.

“You think we can make it to the party?” You asked to both of them.

“Hell yeah we can” Kevin said “When I’m flying, you bet your ass you’re gonna make it either early or on time” Kevin smiling at both of you and Carlos.

You don’t know how long you have been passed out but you wake up when Quinjet’s landing. Slowly you get up, you winced when you feel the pain on your side.

“Careful there. Y/n, I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to go to the party” Carlos said concerning, followed with Kevin said 'yeah’ behind, agreeing with him. “You need to get check that up in medbay” Kevin continue.

“No no no. It’s Christmas eve’s party guys. Pretty sure it’s gonna be awesome and I miss my girl” you smile at them, already making your way out of the Quinjet “plus, I think you patched me up quite good. Look!” With that, you do a lousy 'heel click’ jump they ever see.

Groaning, you immediately regret doing that. Both of them just sighs and follow you into the building.

-

After you cleaned yourself up, you making your way to the party wearing a simple cream thin turtleneck tuck in a navy pantsuit and white sneakers. When you got there the party is on full swing, some of them dancing, chatting and at the bar. You’re trying to look for your friends and your girlfriend, finally you found Steve, Bruce and Maria at the bar.

“Hey guys!”

“Y/n! You’re back!” Maria hugging you. “good to see you, y/n” Steve raising his glass at you. The four of you ended up chatting for awhile until Steve and Maria excuse themselves and left you with Bruce.

“So y/n, are you…okay?” Bruce asked you while sipping his drink.

“Of course. Why are you asking?” You asked back confusedly.

“Because since you got here, I saw that you’re always kept placing your right hand to your side” Bruce placing his drink on the counter. His attention is fully on you now.

You sigh. There’s nothing to hide you guess, and told him about your wound. Bruce almost drag you out of the party but you made sure that you are indeed okay. Sure, you still feel the pain and kinda dizzy but you’re missed too much of being home and not to forget, your girlfriend. Speaking of girlfriend, you ask Bruce about Natasha “do you happen to see Natasha, Bruce?”

“No…but before you came here I thought I saw her talking with some agents” Bruce looking around trying to find her.

“Oh okay. Well, I think I’m gonna look for her. See ya, green guy”

“A-are you SURE you’re okay?”

“100%! Don’t worry about me. Let’s just enjoy the party, pleaseee? It’s been like, what? 10 months?” you smiling at him “but-”

“Come on! It’s Christmas, Bruce. Enjoy a little bit” you cutting him and then leave to look for your girlfriend.

After 15 minutes asking your friends where is Natasha, you took a seat at the bar. “Can I have an ice water, please?” You asked, the bartender nodded and give you your order. All these walking and talking making you feel exhausted and thirsty “You look like you’re lost. Looking for someone?” The bartender asked.

You drink half of your water with a one gulp. “Actually, yeah. I’m looking for Natasha Romanoff, have you seen her?”

“I think I saw her, like 10 minutes ago. She left and went to that way and up” he’s pointing at the stairs behind you.

“Oh thanks! And the water too” with that information, you went up to the stairs. Looks like it’s gonna be a long night you think. 10 minutes looking for her in these meeting rooms and debriefing rooms, you stop for awhile and went to your office. Where is she? Is she playing hide and seek with me? You thought. Sitting at your office desk, sighing but winced at the pain, you look down at your sweater and found that there’s blood on it. You pull it up and see that the cut starts to bleed a little and blood soaks through the bandage and your sweater. Guess I really need to go to medbay. You thought. Pulling it down, you log on to your computer. Still not giving up, you went into a security cameras and looking 20 minutes before you arrived at you office.

Finally, you see her in the footage. It’s true she went to the stairs but she took the elevator to her room. With that, not wasting any time you get up and going to her room. You and Natasha has been together for almost two years and the mission you just got back took you 10 months without contact anyone except your backup, Carlos and Kevin. Forget this wound 'cause you’re missing your girlfriend like crazy. Your relationship is still not on the 'share a room’ level but when you were on that last mission, you actually thought maybe you could ask her.

Natasha is the first person that actually care about you. Not like your exes. They used you either for their ego boost or sex and most of them are narsissists. But Natasha, she cares about you, she listens and remember the little things about you that even you, don’t even realize that you always do. And it makes you for the first time feel appreciated by someone that actually loves you back. Not just one sided.

-

It usually took you at least three minutes to her room from your office. But this time seems like three hours. Maybe it’s just a dizzy thinking. You thought. Arrived at her room, you heard loud music coming from her room. Knocking on her door twice still no answer. Maybe she’s taking a shower. You thought.

You open the door slowly, you hear heavy breathing. What is this song Nat’s been listening to? You thought. And then, moans….you hear moans. You went in two feet from the door, and saw Natasha straddling and grinding on a guy in her bed. Both of them naked. You don’t know what to say or even do anything. That guy. That guy has a metal arm. You don’t know much guys that has a metal arm.

“Nat….” You whispered. You immediately get out from that room. Went to the elevator and pressing the first floor button. The dizzy have became a headache and you’re sweating but at the same time you feel cold. Besides that, you’re supposed to, you know, crying? Because you just saw your girlfriend cheating on you with your friend.

You’re not the angry or emotional type of person. But this is the time you’re supposed to cry or angry or FEEL something. You feel numb. Making your way out from the elevator to the front door. You need to get out from here. Now.

“Y/n?” Ugh not now. You thought. You keep walking to the door.

“Hey, are you okay?” It’s Bruce that found you here. “I’m okay, Bruce” He walks and stand in front of you, blocking your way. “Y/n, you look so pale” he’s putting his hands on your shoulders trying to get a better look at you “oh my god. You’re burning up, y/n” he said that after putting the back of his hand on your forehead.

“Let’s get you to the medbay” he’s about to guide you back to the elevator. But you immediately protest by squeezing his arm. “Please. Not here, Bruce. Please. Not in this buildin-” without finishing the sentence, you pass out in Bruce’s arms.

-

Opening your eyes, you realized that you’re not in medbay or in your room. This is someone else’s room. You began to panic and started to get up in a sitting position but winced at the pain on your side.

“You shouldn’t do that” Bruce walking in the room with a glass and a water bottle in his hands. Putting them on the bedside table, he’s sitting on the bed beside you.

“Where am I?” You asked him with a hoarse voice. Hearing that, he turned to the bedside table took the water bottle, pour it into the glass and hand it to you. “You’re at my place right now” watching you drink “you’ve been passed out for almost two days. And I already treat your cut and changed the bandage” Bruce explained to you.

Hearing this makes you feel a little relieved until “did you tell anyone?”

Bruce sighs.

“Bruce”

“No, y/n. I don’t because before you passed out, you looked so pale and you’re kinda begging me not to go to that building” you exhale loudly, closing your eyes feeling fully relieved.

“Y/n. Do you want to tell me why you’re avoiding that place?”

You close your eyes for a moment. Besides Natasha, Bruce is the closest friend to you. And that is why he did exactly what you told him before you passed out.

“Its okay if you’re not ready. I underst-”

“She cheated on me” the tears started to gather in your eyes. Trying to hold it by clenching your jaw, while looking at the wall in front of you. Your vision was blurry and it was difficult for you to see clearly

Silence.

Bruce looking you at shocked. There’s a million questions that he wants to ask but refuse to do so because looks like you’re not finish. A minute after a silence, finally you look at him “she cheated on me, Bruce” your voice crack. Tears slowly spilled over the sides of your eyes. Bruce holding your hands.

“With who?”

You sniffled, still trying to look strong. “Bucky” you whispered, looking at him. Bruce slowly pulling you hands and hugging you. “I’m so sorry, y/n” he comforts you. Pulling away from him, wiping your tears.

“You know, a small part of me already knew that this is gonna happen. It’s because I always have this bad luck when it comes to love. I don’t know what have I done wrong but when I think of it maybe it’s me. I’m the problem. I didn’t pay attention to her, hell I can’t even give what Bucky’s can, to make her full. I-I’m still not ready to do that stage in this relationship. After all these years, all my exes used me. I even told her about that and she said she’s completely understand and willing to wait. I loved her, Bruce. So much. Seeing her with him on her bed, I….I-I don’t know. When we were making it official, I know its too good to be true. Look at her. And look at me. She’s way WAY out of my league. And Bucky…they have so much in common. Make sense now. I was too stupid too realize it. To think that I have a chance with her. Stupid, useless, hopeless piece of shi-”

“Stop. Stop right there” Bruce cutting you off your rambling. Listening to what you’ve just said making his blood boiled “You are not stupid or anything that you said. You’re not the one to blame here, y/n. They are. And they’re gonna pay for what they did to you” Bruce told you angrily and his voice crack almost turning to Hulk’s voice.

Hearing this, you saw his veins starting to turn green too. And immediately holding his hands to keep him calm. “No no. Breathe, Bruce. Breathe” you tried to calm him down. He took a couple of deep breaths and rubbing his temples. “It’s okay. I don’t want to hurt anybody”

“But you’re hurting, y/n”

“I know…but it’s alright. I’ve dealt with this many times before. I can do it one more” you smile at him but all he sees is a broken smile with tears in your eyes. “So,” sniffing and wiping the remaining tears on your cheeks “how was you Christmas?”

“It was uh…it was good I guess” he said, sighing “and thanks to you because if you’re not here I guess I’ll be spending Christmas here alone” giving you a small smile.

“I’m sorry I’ve ruined your Christmas”

“No, you’re not. You never ruin anything. Come here” Bruce pulling you for a hug.

-

“It’s been three weeks, y/n. I think she’s getting suspicious and worry” Bruce said while both of you having breakfast.

“She even interrogating two agents that went to the same mission with you” hearing this, you only chuckled. Poor those two bastards. “Did she ask you anything?”

“Yeah, asked me if I saw you. I only said that I talked to you during that party. Steve also were there too to confirm that” he inform you, while cutting his pancakes to pieces.

Both of you talk about anything else after that. By the time you both finished breakfast, Bruce getting ready to go to Avengers Facility. And you hopping on the couch with your laptop, ready to watch your favorite show. “Alright. I’ll see you in…I’ll see you when I see you” smiling at you.

“Okay. Don’t forget to eat, Bruce” with that Bruce making his way to the door and off to work.

-

It’s 1 pm and you’re feeling bored. You got out from the couch and searching for some snacks and return back to your laptop. Staring at your laptop, you’ve thought about this since last week but can’t seem to do it. Hacking the Avengers building’s security cameras.

Feeling hesitant for a moment but when you think of it, there’s nothing harm doing it. It’s just a normal day for you, for them. Nothing’s weird gonna happen. You began your work hacking into the system. Took you five minutes to made into the system without they tracking you.

First, you see Steve training with Wanda. And then you move to another camera and saw Maria having a meeting with agents in the meeting room. Seems pretty normal. You’re about to move to the kitchen’s camera but accidentally move to another meeting room’s camera. That’s when you saw Natasha and Bucky debriefing agents in a bigger meeting room.

You feel like your heart stops beating. Seeing her for the first time after that incident with him makes you stop breathing and the world suddenly becomes five times slower. Turning up the sound a little bit so you can hear what they’re talking about. And hearing her voice makes it even worse. That voice used to be the most favorite sound of your entire life. For three weeks you’ve been avoiding this feeling, avoid all the tears, trying to be strong. Even Bruce worry about you not crying or screaming or something. You’re just sitting here, alone, staring and not talking. Bruce find it really disturbing that you’re acting so calm.

But you’re not calm. There’s so many emotions that are fighting in you and begging you to let it all out after all these years of being used. No, that’s a weak person would do. Emotions.

After 30 minutes watching them with tears on your cheeks, all agents finally done with the meeting and making their way out from there except Natasha and Bucky.

She followed the last agent to the door, closed it and locked. Wiping the tears on your eyes for you to see clearly. She turned around and walking back to Bucky. “How’s everything with y/n? Any sign of her?”

“Still nothing. Couldn’t find her anywhere. Seems like she’s disappeared” Natasha sighed, Bucky turning to her “Hey, it’s going be okay, Nat. Probably she’s on another mission?”

“No, she’s not. Agent Carlos and Agent Kevin’s reports said that she were injured during that mission. Even Steve and Bruce talked to her at the party” she said, frustrated.

“It’s going to be alright. She’ll turn up anytime soon, hm?” Bucky looking at her, tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear. “I-I’m just….worry” she hugging Bucky.

Bucky hug her back but after that his hand move down to squeeze her ass. “Mmm I love it when you do that” she said. They began kissing passionately until Natasha slowly pulling away “and love that too” pecking his lips “everything” she smiling at him.

“But I thought you love y/n”

“I do love her. But at the same time you make me feel woman enough when I’m with you” Natasha explained.

“Natalia…you are woman enough for me. When I look at you, I see something of my vanished world”

“We can have that world again. Right now” with that they’re both started to kiss each other and you slam your laptop screen closed. Crying your eyes out like there is no tomorrow.

You wake up and your surrounding is dark. You fell asleep, exhausted after crying. Looking at the clock, it’s 12 am. Getting up and go to the kitchen drinking some water. Looking for something to eat but guess this morning’s breakfast was the last supply that Bruce have. You have to eat something because when your stomach’s empty, you’re going to get a headache and that’s the last thing you want. So, moving to bathroom washing your face. Remove tears stains. Looking at your pathetic self in the mirror that can’t make Natasha woman enough. Worthless. You sighed and take your phone dialing Bruce’s number.

“Hello?”

“Hey, when you’re gonna get home?”

“Uh probably late or just gonna crash here. Whats up?”

“Oh cool. Just letting you know that, there’s no food here!”

“Shit. I forgot”

“The hell you are!” You heard Bruce chuckled.

“Okay okay. Listen, there’s a 24 hours convenience store around the block. Buy anything you want, there’s some cash in the bowl beside the tv. Or order a pizza if you want”

Looking at the tv, you saw there is a bowl. Walking there, you took out the cash and count it. There’s four hundred bucks. More than enough. “Found it! Alright I’m going out”

“Be careful, okay” after that both of you said goodbye. Picking up you jacket and walking out the door to the convenience store.

Walking outside really make you head feels a little bit clear. Even though, your heart still hurts. She’s happy now, y/n. You’re just in her way. You thought. In the store, picking out some snacks, sodas and a couple packs of ramen. Wow, what are you? A college student? You’re at the candy isle still couldn’t decide what chocolate brand you’re gonna buy, there’s a boy not too far from you. Looks like he’s 10 years old, looking at all the candies in front of him.

He picked one of them and immediately putting it in his jacket. When he’s about to do the same, you walked to him “Stop” putting your hand on his shoulder. He turned around, eyes wide from shocked that he got caught shoplifting. You asked him why he did it, and he told you that he’s so hungry and there’s no food at home and he lives with his grandpa. His grandpa only can afford a meal for a day. Hearing this, makes your heart broken even more and told him to empty his pockets. And take anything he needs, and you’re gonna pay for him.

He hugged you and says 'thank you’ to you like 20 times, non-stop. You chuckled. “What’s your name, kid?”

“Lucas”

Both of you picking out things that you both needed together. When you’re about to walk to the cashier with Lucas, you see a man holding out a gun at the cashier. “Now and make it quick!”

The robber probably thinks that the store was empty because he didn’t see both of you not too far behind him. You’re about to take a step towards the robber but Lucas pulling back your hand. You look back at him, he’s shaking his head trying to tell you that its a bad idea what you are about to do. Seeing this, you handing him your cash “here, take this. Once I got his attention, you get some help” he quickly nodding his head. “Now go hide” Lucas turned away but you pull him back “and please. No more stealing”

“I promise” with that, he went back to hiding from the robber’s sight.

Slowly you making your way behind the robber, kicking the back of his knee and smacking your elbow to his head making him fall to the ground. But the gun is still in his hand. Stepping on his hand to make him let go of the gun. “Now, Lucas!”

The boy immediately ran out of the store, looking for help. Kicking away the gun from him and making sure the cashier is alright but once the cashier about to answer, the robber got up and body-slamming you to the ground. Unfortunately, your head hit the ground first, made you feel kinda dizzy and a bit disoriented. But you shake it off and got up. You tried to punch him but he dodged it and punch you in your stomach so hard that you fell on your back. The cashier turn on the alarm and hearing this, the robber panicked and hit the cashier until his unconscious. And he picked up his gun, pointing at you “stay down! Or imma shoot you!”

You slowly get up, holding up your hands out in front of you “you don’t have to do this”

“Shut up!”

“Don’t do it-”

Bang.

The robber ran away after he shot you. You feel slight stinging and look down at your stomach there’s a blood pouring out through your shirt. You started to slowly stumbling backwards and fell while holding your stomach. So here you are sitting down, putting a pressure down to your stomach. Suddenly you remembered what your brother told you what it feels like when he got shot “just a little pinch. Nothing’s hurt” his voice echoing in your head.

The thing is, this is nothing like a pinch at all. You feel burning radiating through your core. As you sitting there waiting for help to come, you began fading in and out of consciousness. Finally you saw Lucas coming in rushing beside you.

“Hold on, okay. The help is coming”

“Thanks, kid” you smiled at him “but I don’t think I’m gonna make it” you groan, the burning in your stomach started to feel worse.

“No no. H-hold on a little bit. They’re gonna be here any second”

You’re trying to hold on but his voice is getting further and further. And your eyes started to feel so heavy. This is it. You thought. There’s nothing you regret if you let go. Your brother’s taking a good care of your niece. Your friends are happy, Natasha is happy now. Lucas have the money that he can survive without having to steal again. Everyone around you is in good hand. With that one last thought, you took one last deep breath and follow into the darkness.

[thegoldenavenger]

Hmm, i was thinking about that fusion au post (that "full on steven universe fusion soulmate" post) and,, well. Fuck the word block limit. anyways i wrote this in three hours from like 1 am to 4am so it’s not beta’d and possibly fever-dream ish. this is around 4k. and has a readmore.

Tony gets a bit of a reputation. He's maybe a little too young when he goes to MIT, and too eager to learn and grow. Up to this point he'd been pretty isolated from those he could call peers and fusing with parents just never happened.

But at MIT, well.

He had maybe fused a lot.

Once or twice, unintentionally at parties where everyone was plastered and fusion was as natural as stepping in time with the next beat. He'd always been an adaptable kind of person, it was easy to fall in sync. He'd wanted to, badly. He'd wanted to be a part of something more than himself.

These times often ended with bewildered laughter and too many limbs overbalancing their awkward new body, and falling away from each other, no harm no foul. Snatched moments where Tony didn't have to be stuck, alone, in his own head.

There were times he fused deliberately. Clasping hands with Rhodey in his apartment, grinning to the low bass of his sound system as they embraced each other and became each other. Luxuriating in late night drives in Rhodey's car, deciding what gas station snacks he wanted--or no, a 24 hour diner! He loves those homefries.

Or when Tony met Ru and his hands shook so, so much when she grinned at him underneath a maple tree but he took the step forward anyways and they walked along the river side, peering into the water at their reflection. Their hair curled around them, textured differently, held a different length than they expected but they liked it. They liked a lot of things. Relearning Rumiko's elegant motorbike was one of those things.

There's Ty, and Janet, and Gene. He's not indiscriminate, but rumours fly as they are wont to do. And then some pap catches the moment Tony and Ty become one, and. Well. Tony doesn't necessarily care, but Ty does. And when his father finds out, Howard is furious.

Still, Tony can't find it in himself to change. He steps perfectly with Sunset when she asks. It's so easy to get lost in her eyes. And maybe it's weird how together she’s so... limbed, and her voice feels like gravel in their mouths. But she’s having fun, even if she seems distracted by the papers Tony had left out.

Sunset cashes in on Tony's blueprint barely a week later.

He gets it, he does. There's a reason people wait for The One. Incompatible fusions can be dangerous. He understands that.

But he doesn't want to be, you know, himself for this Christmas. With the Rhodes on vacation and him stuck in a cold manor. Only his parents for conversation. Good ol' Obie takes some kind of pity on him, because he invites old friend Ty over for Tony's sake. And just like old times he manages to bully his way through the dinner.

He's in Tony's room, because he's not fit for public, after the dinner. He drinks and has a party of just himself, while Tony's parents drive to some fancy gala.

For some reason he's gelling more than usual, the swirling anxieties in his minds complementing even though he has too sharp teeth and eyes too many.

It's not great when Obie knocks on Tony's door and says a set of words that has half of himself blanking out. His shape gets wobbly, and he spills apart. Tony's too numb to sync with anyone anymore.

Later he'll over think this moment. If he hadn't been fused, he might've gone with his mother and dad. Been there for the accident. Maybe he'd be driving instead. Maybe he could've stopped it.

He stopped fusing for a time. His reputation never left him, but stepping up to helm the Stark business meant he had to change. There was no more room for something more than just Tony Stark.

The less said about his captivity the better.

He thinks they broke him.

He thinks that when they scooped out his chest they took the part of him that could sync, that let him become a them.

He thinks that, because when Rhodey clasps his arms around him and their foreheads touch, Tony should stop being Tony and start being Them. He and Rhodey had long grown out of having to dance to sync. Just the emotion ought to be enough and God knows Tony is feeling it.

Anyways.

So Tony never loses that reputation. It makes it awkward when he won't fuse with the team.

"It's not you," he says, and it must feel like the most cliche of cliches. "Except for you, big guy, it’s definitely you." Hulk gets a gentle pat though, because honestly, Tony would pick Hulk over the rest of the team to fuse with if he could. SHIELD would quake at the thought, and that's almost tempting enough to try.

The rest of the team is seamless with their fusions. Even Steve, who had given up his dream of waiting for The One with a 70 year ice nap and a resigned look, and excepting Thor, whose people didn't Work Like That.

Tony doesn't--can't--doesn't fuse anymore.. But he watches. The graceful arc Nat's body makes as Clint lifts her and they shimmer into a large, deadly, graceful fusion. Strong limbed and silent as they stalk through the battlefield.

Steve hurling his shield and catching Hulk's hand, the two of them seeming more to force themselves together like two cement walls colliding. And they aren't anything as graceful as Black Hawk Down over there, leaping across rooftops, but they catch Steve's shield and remember not squash all the cars in their way.

Tony has JARVIS in his ear, Iron Man wrapped around him closer than an embrace. He likes to say Iron Man is his fusion, and in a way it is; it's the closest he'll ever get to syncing with JARVIS--or anyone, now.

Watching Captain America's face as he sees a piece of his past walk into his life again shifts something in Tony's chest. (Of course he recovered the footage from the helicarriers)

Tony is surprised they don't fuse the moment Bucky's fist hits Steve's cheek.

He thinks Steve is surprised as well.

Tony thinks he can't fuse anymore. But there's no reason Bucky shouldn't be able to. Natasha is almost exact proof of that concept. But for some reason, Bucky and Steve haven't fused once. Even now, that Bucky's nominally an Avenger. Tony has seen Sam and Steve's fusion fall apart more than once even when they'd start out strong.

Steve's guilt throwing them out of wack, Tony would guess, but he's not an expert on fusing.

"Neither am I," Pepper says, long suffering as Tony bats a perpetual motion gadget on her desk. He looks into her liquid blue eyes. If he'd met her earlier he'd know the rhythm she would move in and how best to compliment it. He thinks, if he'd met her in college he'd have fallen into fusion as often with her as he had with Rhodey.

He's a little melancholy at the fact that he'll never know what they could be as a them. He likes to imagine they'd be as competent as the super spies, but for some reason he thinks they'd turn out more like the Hulk.

He tries not to think about Rhodey and Pepper determinedly not touching, like accidentally fusing in his presence would be a crime. Like they don't think he could handle them. Like they thought he should be a part of them.

"Yeah, but you have all those romance novels hiding on your shelves--"

"They aren't hiding, and if you think comparing Steve and James' situation to a book where everything can be solved with a little lucid dreaming--"

"That's it!"

"What--no, that's not what I said!"

"You're a genius, Potts!"

And Tony gets to work.

The glasses reframe past events so your present mind can work on getting closure from them.

Bucky is hesitant at first.

"They're mostly safe--"

"Mostly?" Bucky asks, his mouth held in a resigned, bemused little quirk.

"I've tested them myself, just a little mild nausea and headaches--yes mostly, this is bleeding edge right here. You have to expect the bleeding part to come in somewhere." A pause. "Metaphorical bleeding. Or cathartic bleeding, I guess."

Bucky asks for some time to think about it.

The next time they talk about it, it's like no time has passed. "It's immersive, but there's a hard stop motion involved. It can be cut off at any time, immediately, with little more repercussion than a headache."

"Immersive?"

"Well, what's the point of reliving trauma if you're not interacting with it at a 120 refresh rate?"

Bucky shakes his head. But he has that little amused despite himself smile.

Steve asks for updates and progress reports and generally floats around like a mother hen. He's nervous but eager, asks if he can be involved, if that would help, he's always there to help.

Tony says that Nat will probably be helping Bucky since she has an exceptional frame of reference for this, and a relationship with Bucky to boot.

"I don't mind Natasha, but I want you there, too."

It surprises both of them that Bucky means Tony and not Steve.

The first session with the retroframing device is more like a sleep over. Tony is using it, to demonstrate how it works with a relatively low chance of running into something heavily traumatizing for a dry run.

"I love the guy, it's just, hard, to focus on this stuff when he's right there."

"Feels like too much pressure to get it right?"

Bucky humms so Natasha says, "It feels like getting it right would almost be worse than how it is right now?"

Bucky shakes his head, then nods.

"I remember what he does, mostly, but it's so much farther away from me. I don't love him less but I've changed. And I think... even if this works I'll still be changed and he won't know how to deal with that."

"He might think you still need to be fixed, even when you're fine," Tony says, as he watches a younger him walk across a red lacquered bridge.

"I don't want to disappoint him, but what if I've just. Changed too much. What if we're too different now?"

The Tony from his memory pauses at the end of the bridge as a gust of wind blows plum tree petals across him. He reaches out but doesn't catch any.

"He'll get over it," Natasha says, straight forward as ever, the corner of her mouth lifted.

"Friends are good like that," Tony says.

Behind them, the rev of a motorcycle peals into the scene, disturbing the quiet of the blossoms and the other Tony, leaning against the bridge. The bike brakes in front of Tony, and the rider pulls off her helmet. The passenger doesn't have a helmet.

"Sorry Tony, I had to crash your date," Tyberius says, grinning as he holds Rumiko's waist.

"His father called," Rumiko said, her eyes rolling. But all three of them knew about fathers.

The other Tony wrinkled his nose, but waved them off, "Yeah, yeah. Next you'll be telling me you're working late and you can't come home." He pouted, in character, as Rumiko revved her bike.

"You'd never buy it," Ru laughed, "You know I don't work!"

The memory dissolved around them as Tony lifted the glasses off his face.

Tony and Nat and Bucky work together well. On the field and in the lab, where they help walk Bucky through his past and help him reclaim it.

It's not any surprise when, halfway through a seemingly innocuous memory of The Winter Soldier learning ballet Bucky and Natasha fuse. Almost unintentionally, but with an elegance that Tony almost misses it completely.

The environment glitches--the glasses unsure how to deal with this--before settling on a semi fragmented repetition of the current scene. The culmination of Bucky and Nat, blinking confusedly at her hands, repeated endlessly.

She take off the glasses, study herself and say, "it's been so long."

So Bucky can fuse. Steve recoeves the news with restrained glee, but he doesn't push to get a punch on Bucky's new dance card. He seems happy enough that Bucky is on the metaphorical upswing.

Knowing Bucky is taking care of himself seems to help Steve take care of himself too. He no longer stumbles out of step in battle, and holds his battle fusion with sam for longer than strictly necessary.

"You're an indescriminate, selfish piece of work!" Steve had said when he and Tony had first met. "You'd throw yourself at anything that moves as long as your life isn't on the line!"

Tony hadn't been thinking of it then, because the scepter had been pushing him into focusing more of the red hot feeling of, "You don't know anything, times have changed cap! But I guess an ice nap will do that to you, even if you are a super soldier." but with time as a buffer Tony can now wonder what SHIELD had been showing Steve.

"You want to talk big but can you back it up?"

"You wanna fight? Of course you do, that's all you were made for."

"Put on the suit."

"What, tired of looking at me?"

"I'm going to punch you and I'd rather fall out of this plane then touch you."

Steve had apologized. Tony doesn't know what prompted it, because Tony hadn't changed his attitude after diving into a worm hole, but Steve had gripped his hand, solidly. There hadn't been music playing but Tony doesn't think that would've stopped him.

Steve had certainly put a lot of effort into showing Tony that he definitely didn't mind touching him, even when the risk of fusing was high.

Something that had unseated itself when the scepter had been playing games edged back into place.

"This is going to be rough," Natasha said.

"Can't be rougher than seeing the Red Room," Tony said, expecting Natasha's husky laugh. Instead, she was frowning.

Bucky--memory Bucky, the Winter Soldier--was gearing up for something.

Bucky--the now Bucky--watched with furrowed brow.

The Iron Man suit was a prosthetic of a sort, but not the kind that would be able to replace a limb. Tony had to reach out to a dozen consultants to get the frameture right. To figure out how to counterbalance weight and friction.

Bucky had been hesitant to accept a new arm, and Tony found himself unwilling to push it. But it sure made latching onto Steve's shirt before he jumped off a building without a parachute again a lot easier.

The Winter Soldier revved the motorbike and cut through the cold night air, headlight lighting the way.

"What, what's worse than handcuffed little girls?" Tony asked, a little alarmed.

"He didn't tell you?"

The data drop was huge, and Tony had JARVIS scrape for every piece of data he could. He helped Barton coordinate rescue efforts for agents with blown covers.

It helped him put in a framework for a location program that would be ready by the time Steve reached out to him.

Seeing Steve's face as a piece of his past walks into his life again wrenches something in Tony's chest. Like a chance, or a choice.

The Winter Soldier turns down a road. The road. Tony blinks.

"What--" he knows this road.

Nat turns her head sharply and starts forward. "Bucky! нет--"

"Thank you," Steve says, which surprises Tony because it's not like he's stopped being an asshole all this time. He's still Tony. But helping Steve help Bucky slots something into place.

Tony crashes Rhodey's whatever it was he had planned to whine at him, and generally be relieved that Rhodey is there to whine at. He finds himself thinking, thank God it was me and not him. Tony doesn't envy Steve.

There's a car that the motorcycle is fast approaching. It speeds up, and the Winter Soldier reaches out and

The world dissolves as Nat shouts нет again and Bucky takes off the glasses, wincing hard.

Tony is still. "I know that road--I--" he stops.

"I mean it, Tony. Thanks for bringing him home."

Tony can't find the words to respond, he's too busy hyperfocusing on one word: home.

It's taken years. This is the first time any of the avengers has referred to the tower as "home".

Tony's had a couple homes. His Malibu cliffside mansion, where he and Pepper and Happy hide out. This tower. The pent house suite in Japan with Ru, even after the scandalous photosin the gossip rags. Rhodey's house, and Roberta's cooking. And, despite everything, the manor Fifth Avenue and all it's ghosts.

"That was my father's car," Tony says, harshly.

"I thought he told you," Natasha puts herself between Tony and Bucky, like Tony is the threat here.

"Told him what?" Bucky asks and Natasha's eyes wince a little.

"My parents were in that car!" Tony's voice is a little hysterical.

Captivity hadn't made Tony paranoid though it hadn't helped any. Papparazzi, paid spies. Sunset Bain using fusion to get his plans. Tyberius Stone filling binders with photos documenting Tony's life for profit.

His father didn't take care of much besides his business and his cars. The wreck had seemed fishy.

The Iron Man suit started out as a Frakenstein of misisle parts and sheet metal, but now he had a gauntlet in a watch.

"My mother was in that car!"

At some point, Steve had been alerted.

Tony can't beat Natasha in a fair fight. That's just a fact. But he doesn't think about that as his watch unfurls around his hand. She's not expecting it, clearly--she'd written narcissist not paranoid--because he can push her away with it's strength.

Bucky shakes his head, "I don't--I don't know, what," but he's not stupid either, he can put together the peices.

Steve can't be heard through the reinforced glass, and JARVIS is reluctant to let him in. He starts punching.

Tony reaches Bucky, who raises and arm. It's barely a fight. Even with the gauntlet, Tony built Bucky's arm too well. Tony just needs to get under his gaurd though, and he clenches his gauntleted hand in Bucky's shirt, and Bucky starts trying to pry it off.

Tony doesn't know where Natasha is but that matters less than nothing to him as he rears back his right fist and punches Bucky square on the jaw.

Glass shatters.

There's a moment where Tony and Bucky meet eyes, where they inhale the same breath. Fear and loathing and raw anger flush in their hearts and they may as well be stepping to the same song and

they stop being Tony and Bucky

And start being They.

Their hair falls in their eyes and they don't move for the longest time, heart rate slowing as they heave breaths.

Irrationally their first thought is "there's no way I'm going by Bony." It sends a wave of laughter through them, startling their friends.

"Bucky?"

"Tony?"

Come two voices, cautiously.

"Starchanan." They--he? Yeah, he.--says.

"Of course." That's Natasha's wry humor.

"What happened?" That's Steve, standing in a pile of reinforced glass, his knuckles bloody.

Starchanan focuses on that and frowns. He's mad about that. Not only should the glass have stopped Steve--Steve shouldn't have been using his knuckles in the first place, the dumb ass is incapable of not hurting himself when there's a door right there.

Natasha faces Steve. "I thought you told Tony!"

Steve's face lifts in surprise, shock, dismay. Starchanan decides he doesn't want to hear what he has to say.

It's been literal decades since Tony has fused and Bucky isn't all that practiced anymore either. But fusion is always a conversation and they both know how to talk.

Starchanan isn't as tall as Black Hawk Down--is that what I call them? Yeah, it's funnier than Clintasha--but he is built like a shit brick house.

Bucky's arm must have--

Tonys electronics got--

He's got some fancy equipment straight from the box. Shining palms wired to a glowing heart--that's all Tony. There's a heaviness in his shoulders and when he investigates it, it feels like there's a structure underneath--that's gotta be Bucky's fault.

"It's to help with recoil," he says aloud, cautiously. "Without it, 'd probably dislocate my arms using these." Saying it outloud feels better. Like it's truer.

He looks in the mirror. He looks surprisingly stable for a fusion made after discovering a murder. He should probably call someone.

"Rhodey, Pepper." He says immediatly, then winces. Then shrugs. He'd feel bad for leaning too much on Tony's friends, but he doesn't want to see Bucky's.

"This is..." Pepper starts.

"Unexpected?" Rhodey finishes.

"Yeah," Starchanan agrees.

Rhodey shakes his head, "You're really going with Starchanan?"

"Are you saying you're voting for Bony?" He asks, incredulously.

"I was thinking Winter Man sounded nice," Pepper said from behind a smile.

"Iron Winter," Rhodey tried.

"The Man Winter," Starchanan added.

It was a distraction but it was a nice one.

Now that he knew he could do it, he kind of was overwhelmed with a desire to fuse with his friends. The people he had spent the last years, months, days getting to know (again). But he wasn't done with this conversation yet, so he walked through the halls of Avengers Tower and talked.

"Eh, I'm practical." Clint says, pressing buttons on the remote, opening menus, closing them, shaking the remote in frustration. "You know, someone says fetch I fetch, someone says shoot I shoot."

Starchanan grabs the remote from Clint's hand and turns the captions on for him. "Someone says kill the enemy spy, you drag her in from the cold."

"Like I said, practical."

"Betty would've stayed with me, but I was too afraid." Bruce says. "I didn't know what would happen if I lost control, or if we fused. Or if I lost control while fused--or fusing." He takes off his glasses and cleans them.

"She wasn't worried?" Starchanan asks, spinning himself around on a chair.

"She was worried I hated myself so much I'd do something about it."

"Did you?" He asks, though half of him knows the answer.

Bruce looks placidly at him, then smiles. "Yeah."

"How'd that work out for you?" He couldn't help the disgruntled frustration stirring in him.

"Surprisingly, that wasn't the healthiest thing I could've done."

Starchanan stops spinning to fold his hands on the island, and press he forehead to them. He made a noise like the spinning made him dizzy, but Bruce could see through it no doubt.

"But. I'm here now, and this is. A lot better than I'd ever let myself dream of before. Letting myself have it is hard, but worth it."

"I thought he had explained." Natasha said.

"You could've instead."

"It wasn't my secret."

"It shouldn't have been a secret."

She presses her lips together. Sighs. "I didn't want to be a reason Steve and Tony fought."

"We fight all the time."

She laughs. "A real fight--I don't like when mom and dad fight."

His mouth twitches. "You'd be a hell child."

"That's the only good kind."

"Sharing your entire being with another, without reservation, is truly a wonder." Thor said, grabbing another bag of popcorn.

"Little bit," he replied.

"What's it like? Jane had described it to me as a joining of two books. Reshuffled to make a new story."

Starchanan thought on that, but decided the metaphor didn't feel right for him. "For me--both of us--It's like a conversation."

"A good one?"

"It can be."

"What is your conversation about?"

He looks into the mirror. It's safety glass because Tony has a habit of punching his reflection. Starchanan understands the action, but feels no urge. His reflection is interesting, not frightening.

His face is even, with big eyes and heavy brows. His hair is wavey, soft, and curls around his ears.

His face is growing familiar.

"I'm sorry." Steve apologises. Of course he does.

"I don't think I forgive you."

"Will he? Will they?"

"You'll have to talk to them yourself." Starchanan says.

Steve nods, shoulders heavy and tense as Atlas. Starchanan doesn't resist the urge to punch Steve's shoulder. "Look, I don't forgive you. But we should talk anyways."

"I didn't think--"

"Not about that, we're, well. Not done. But we're moving on from that now."

"Then what do you want to talk about?"

"Hmm. Have you ever been on a road trip?" Starchanan asks, "There's a lot of places I haven't been."

Steve looks up, done wringing his hands. "I might be able to help with that."

[benedictshurley]

Positive : Part 11

The long awaited next part is here! I usually post this on Fridays but i’m really proud of this part and I don’t want to wait. In other news, this fic and all my others (like 3 one shots) will be backed up to my ao3, collinscosmicentity. I will continue to post on both as much as I can. Enjoy!

Summary: Reader goes to the album release party and things don’t go well

Pairing: Rob Benedict x Reader  

Word Count: 3,035

Warnings: angsty af, rob’s finally not being stupid, marnie’s a b**ch but what else is new, swearing, fluff, panic attack

Disclaimer: this is pure FICTION. I mean no harm or hurt to the Benedict family, or others involved. Marnie is Rob’s fictional wife from Kings of Con. I originally used Mollie (his real wife) but ultimately decided to change it as it made me uncomfortable writing about her and his kids.

You were woken up by the feeling of soft lips on the back of your neck. Smiling, you turned over in Stephen’s bed, to face him.

“Well, that’s a nice way to wake up.” You giggle.

Giving you a happy grin, Stephen, pulls you as close as he can with your belly in the way. “So, I was wondering if you’d like to come to the album release tonight?”

As soon as those words left his mouth, you paled. You knew Marnie was going and frankly, that wasn’t something you wanted to deal with. But you couldn’t tell Stephen that she was the reason you didn’t want to go. He’d question why you didn’t like her and you weren’t quite ready to say it was because you got knocked up by her husband.

Coming up with a quick response, you gave him a joking frown. “You want me to go to a bar, when I can’t drink? How cruel.”

Stephen laughed and took your hands in his. “Please? I really want my girlfriend there. I’ll understand if you really don’t want to but it would really mean a lot to me.” He then sticks out his lower lip like a child, which causes you to giggle.

Letting out an exaggerated sigh, you smiled. “I guess I’ll go. But only because you’re cute.”

Stephen raised an eyebrow. “Only because i’m cute huh? I’ll show you cute.”

He begins to tickle your sides and you let out a loud laugh. “Steve!”

He slows for a moment to press a soft kiss to your lips. You return it, placing your hands on his neck.

Pulling back Stephen mumbles in your ear, “I love you.”

Eyes widening, you gently push him off of you. “Gotta pee! You know, baby on bladder.” You quickly got out of the bed and went into the bathroom, to avoid having to say it back. Because you weren’t sure if you could say it, and mean it.

Rob’s POV

“And then, they have the nerve to practically make out in the hallway of the hotel! Who does that?” Rob sat in his desk chair, complaining to Rich about yours and Stephen’s relationship.

“Well, couples usually kiss goodbye Rob. Why do you care so much anyway? It’s not like he’s a threat to her or the baby.”

Gripping the bridge of his nose, Rob sighed. “I’ve said this before. He’s taking my place.”

“As a father or as a lover?”

“What? A father. I-i don’t like her like that!” Rob practically shouted into the phone.

“Rob, you aren’t fooling anyone. We all see the way you look at her. The only one who is blind to it, is you and her! Stop pushing those feelings down. It won’t do any good.” Rich lectured him.

“Rich, I told you, I don’t-” Rich cut him off.

“Stop lying to yourself Rob.”

Groaning, Rob realizes he can’t get out of this. “Okay, I’m in love with her! Happy? I love Y/N! I can’t help it! And yes, seeing her with Stephen is killing me. Because i’m jealous!”

He could practically hear Rich’s smirk through the phone. “And how long have you been in love with her?”

“I don’t know, probably since a couple weeks after Marnie and I separated. I just saw her in a different light. And that night we slept together, was….. one of the best nights of my life.”

Pittcon 2018 - Rob’s POV

There you were. Sitting alone at the bar, because Rich, The band, and him went to talk to some old friends. You looked amazing. Hair slightly curled to give you a nice wave, a gorgeous black dress hugging your body. Ditching the others, he made his way over to you and placed a hand on the small of your back, making you jump in surprise.

After that, you came onto him, which made him tense up in shock. You took that as he wasn’t interested, and started to back off. Rob thought quickly and grabbed your hand back, pulling you close to him and whispering in your ear. “You know if you want me, just tell me, because I want you. So bad.”

You two made love that night. At least, he felt like you did. Then, he woke up the next morning and you were getting dressed to leave. Like you regretted it. So, his barriers went up. He said it was a mistake, that it shouldn’t have happened. He’ll never forget how hurt you looked, and the tears that were welling in your eyes as you left his room. Rob fought every urge to chase after you, because he knew if he did, his feelings would spill out and possibly ruin everything.

-Present-

As Rob thought about that night, he held the ultrasound of his daughter in his hand. It felt like there was a 500 pound weight on his shoulders. He made a mistake that day. Not telling you how he felt. Instead, he got back with a person who made him unhappy. He made a mistake, and now he’s paying the price.

Readers POV

You arrived about 10 minutes before the show was set to start. You almost stayed home and made up an excuse, but you couldn’t do that to Stephen. As you entered the green room, you could see Stephen’s eyes light up. As you were being greeted by everyone, you noticed Rob and Marnie in the corner of the room by themselves, purposefully ignoring you.

You didn’t have time to feel hurt by Rob ignoring you, because Stephen had made his way over to you, giving you a light kiss on the lips and resting his hands on your hips. Pulling back from the kiss, Stephen gave you a giant smile.

“I really appreciate you coming. I promise I’ll bring you back when you can drink again.”

“You better.” you tell him, in a joking manner.

Your eyes couldn’t help but wander over to Rob, with Marnie perched in his lap. His jaw was clenched, as his eyes bore into the both of you. If looks could kill, you were positive that you and Stephen would be dead. The only question was, why was he acting like this?

You couldn’t dwell on it, because you were being ushered out into the main part of the bar to enjoy the show. Finding a secluded corner, you sat at one of the tables, waiting for the show to start.

Soon, the concert was in full swing, and everyone was enjoying themselves. You tried to focus on your boyfriend, but your eyes kept drifting to Rob. The way he looked, his voice.

This didn’t go unnoticed by Marnie, who was well on the track to drunk. She was sick of you and this whole situation. She hated you, even more so since she heard Rob’s admission of feelings earlier in the day. You waltzed into their life, and took her husband away from her. Downing the rest of her drink, she kept her eyes on you, a plan forming in her mind, to get you away from Rob for good.

Almost towards the end of the concert, you felt small kicks from inside of you. This was the first time they were this prominent. You teared up, because it was almost like she knew that her father was singing. The kicks continued until the music stopped, and they slowed to a stop.

After they took a bow, they made their way into the crowd of fans. Getting off of your seat in the back of the bar, you stood against the wall, smiling as they all interacted with their fans. Rob noticed you alone in the back and slipped away, walking towards you.

“Enjoy the show?” He asked as he reached you.

“I did. You guys were amazing. I’m so proud of you. All of you, i mean.” You replied.

After looking around for moment, Rob was thankful all the fans were either shuffling out or preoccupied with the other guys. He quickly placed a hand on your stomach and leaned into your ear.

You breath quickened slightly as you felt his breath on your ear, but you told yourself to hold it together. He probably just wanted to say something about the baby.

“Thanks for the copies of the ultrasound.” He whispered in your ear, removing his hand from your stomach as some of the fans were looking for him and he had to go back to the main crowd.

As he left your immediate vicinity, you relaxed slightly, thankful no one noticed how close he was. Or so you thought.

Marnie was watching the whole exchange. She was done. At first, her plan seemed horrible and she thought she couldn’t do it. But seeing how close you two were and the alcohol in her system, convinced her it was the right thing to do. It’d hurt you, and maybe Rob but that wasn’t a thought she wanted to think about. He’d forgive her. She just wanted to hurt you.

You and Stephen were talking to a couple fans, when Marnie went up on the stage, and tapped the microphone.

Everyone was confused, including Rob. He quickly made his way to the edge of the stage and through gritted teeth, he spoke. “What are you doing?”

Shrugging him off, Marnie continued with her plan. “Hi, everyone. Can I have your attention? I’m Marnie Benedict. Robbie’s wife.” Her words slightly slurred.

“Marnie get down! You’re drunk!” Rob whisper-yelled.

Rolling her eyes, she focuses on you in the back. “You know, since i’m his wife, he should love me right?” laughing, she continues. “Well, he doesn’t. He’s in love with Y/N! Crazy right? Being in love with a homewrecker?”

Your jaw dropped, and your face went red, having a feeling about where this was headed. “She wouldn’t tell everyone. Not here. Not now.”

Stephen looked at you, confused. “What is she talking about?”

Stuttering, the room felt like it was getting smaller. “I-i”

Laughing at your struggle, Marnie sipped her drink, completely ignoring Rob’s pleas for her to get down.

“Marnie please. Don’t do this. This isn’t who you are.” Rob begged.

“No, no Robbie. I need to tell them. After all, they’re your loyal fans, don’t they deserve to know the truth?”

Needless to say, everyone was confused about what she was talking about, but they still were recording Marnie’s outburst.

“See, Rob and Y/N slept together! At a convention of all places! And guess what? She got pregnant! So all your little theories about Steve being the dad are wrong. Rob’s the father. Have fun with that. Feel free to post anything I said all over social media. I don’t care.” Finishing off her drink, she left the stage with a smirk on her face.

You were mortified. All eyes were on you, seemingly waiting for a response. Stephen stepped in front of you, visibly nervous. “Why aren’t you denying it? It’s not true right?”

You could feel your chest tightening. “I-i can’t deny it. I’m sorry. I have to go.” Turning on your heel, you pushed your way through the people, until the air of the outside hit your face. The cool air, contrasted heavily to the hot salty tears running down your face. You felt like you couldn’t breathe. Forcing yourself to walk, you started walking toward your car.

You could feel your phone going off like crazy. Apparently, it was already all over social media. Turning your phone off, you were almost to where you parked, when you heard Stephen calling your name.

You wanted to run, but you couldn’t. You couldn’t face him. You didn’t want to face him. Stephen caught up with you and grabbed your upper arm gently, making you face him. His features softened when he saw your tear stained cheeks.

“So, Rob’s the father. Why didn’t you tell me Y/N? I would’ve understood.”

“I didn’t want you to think less of me. That I was a whore. But, so much for that huh?” You tried to laugh, but it came out forced and raspy.

“I don’t think you’re a whore. No matter what she says, I would never think of you like that. How did this even happen?”

Sniffling, you looked at your feet, finding yourself unable to look him in the eyes. “It was a one night thing. It just happened. Then, I found out I was pregnant. It happened while they were separated. I would never sleep with someone who’s taken.”

“Do you have feelings for him?” Stephen’s voice was quiet, almost as if he was afraid of the answer.

“I-i don’t know. Stephen i’m so sorry. I didn’t want you to find out like this. I should have told you right away, but I just panicked and hid it from so many people. I-i understand if you want to break up with me. Just do it, I can take it.” You were on the verge of hyperventilating.

Cupping your cheeks in his hands, Stephen made you look at him. Using his thumbs to wipe away your tears, Stephen pressed a soft kiss against your forehead.

“I’m not going to break up with you. I don’t care if Rob’s the father. I love you and want to be with you. Please calm down. It’s not good for the baby.”

You tried hard to relax but it seemed like you were only making it worse. Pulling you into his arms, Stephen stroked your hair, trying to calm you.

Your tears slowed, as you relaxed into his chest, trying to get as close to him as you could with your stomach in the way.

Pulling back from the hold, Stephen took your hand in his. “Let’s get you home.”

Rob’s POV, Right after Y/N ran out.

Rob was fuming. How could his wife do this? Grabbing her arm, he pulled Marnie into the green room and slammed the door.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?! How could you do this?!”

Rolling her eyes, Marnie crosses her arms. “She’s taking me away from you! I heard you Rob! You love her! How do I compete with that?” Tears filled her eyes, but Rob didn’t care.

“You didn’t have to compete! You were my wife. You probably just ruined both of our reputations. Did you even think about how this would affect me? The man you claim to love?” Rob spat.

Looking down, Marnie’s face flushed. “N-no. I’m sorry Rob. I wasn’t thinking, I just wanted to get her away from you.”

Laughing humorlessly, Rob headed towards the door. “Well congratulations, the only person you pushed me away from, was yourself. I’m done. I want a divorce.”

“N-no! Rob, you can’t leave me! What about Tyler?” Marnie cried out.

“He’ll be better off with two happy homes than one miserable one.” Rob walked out, exiting the bar to find you, only to be just in time to see you and Stephen get into your car and drive off. Groaning in anger, Rob punched the wall, his knuckles immediately getting scraped against the brick.

“Fuck!” Rob screamed out.

“Rob.” Billy put his hand on Rob’s shoulder.

Turning to face his other two bandmates who were completely clueless, Rob grunted. “I’m sorry. She ruined the album release.”

“Who gives a damn Rob. What the hell is she talking about? Y/N’s baby is yours?” Mike asked.

Explaining the whole situation, Billy and Mike, thankfully understood. Getting into Rob’s car, which was already packed with the instruments, Rob drove Billy and Mike home, before going to your house. Your car was parked in the driveway, and Rob sighed in relief.

Going to your door, he knocked with his non-scraped hand. Rob thought he was going to pass out from anger when Stephen opened the door instead of you.

“I need to see Y/N.”

Crossing his arms, Stephen blocked Rob from entering. “She’s resting. I don’t think she wants to see you. Especially after tonight.”

Clenching his jaw, Rob’s nails dug into his palms. “It wasn’t my fault Stephen! I had no idea she was going to do that. Marnie just went off!”

Scoffing, Stephen glared at him. “Well, you could’ve done a lot more than just stand there like an idiot, while she dragged Y/N through the mud!”

“You don’t know anything about this Stephen! Back off!” Rob spat.

“I know enough that this amount of stress freaked her out so much, she had to make sure the baby was fine! She was so worried that a second stress episode, both caused by you, would hurt the baby! Just go home to your wife, and come back tomorrow.”

“I’m not going anywhere until I see her. I need to make sure she’s okay.”

Readers POV

Coming down the stairs after you heard Rob’s voice, you stood with your hand on your stomach. “I’m fine. We both are. Please go.”

“Y/N you have to believe me, I swear I had no idea she was going to do that.” Rob cried out.

“Okay. I’m still saying please go. I’m exhausted and I just want to sleep.”

“But-” Stephen cut Rob off.

“But nothing, man. She said go.”

Giving Stephen a harsh glare, he complies with your wishes and turns on his heel, leaving and driving away.

Sighing, you turn to go back upstairs, holding your hand out for Stephen to come with.

Once you two are settled in bed, Stephen wraps an arm around you, quickly falling asleep. You lay awake for a couple hours, when you get a text, your phone lighting up the dark room.

Wiggling out of Stephen’s grip, you grabbed it and opened your messages. Of course it was from Rob. He was probably apologizing.

Your eyes teared up when you read the actual text.

Locking your phone without replying, your heart was beating fast. Rob loved you. Trying to push it out of your mind, you turned around and got comfortable, leaning more into Stephen’s grip.

“When did my life become such a mess?” You sighed, closing your eyes and falling into a dreamless sleep.

Positive Taglist~ @natasha-cole @kocswain @missihart23 @wontlookaway @shanghai88 @itsfunnierin-enochian @rblstrash @burningrupture @sherlockedtash88 @tas898 @lullabylike

[comicgirl08]

Supergirl recap: Lena and Supergirl go all caged heat

One day has passed since the world believes it saw Supergirl attack the White House, and Kara is horrified to realize how sharply public sentiment has turned against her. President Baker himself addresses the nation to announce a sundown-to-sunup curfew and to urge Supergirl to turn herself in.

Even though she’s America’s most wanted, when Supergirl hears someone calling for help from a burning vehicle, naturally she flies to lend a hand. But her efforts are interrupted by a man with a gun trying to make a citizen’s arrest. Her attempts to deflect the bullets end up causing an explosion in the car and even the man she pulls to safety says his daughter was crushed to watch Supergirl turn into a terrorist.

To rectify things, Alex and Lena set out to help Supergirl in their own ways. For Alex, that means subverting Lockwood’s demand that the DEO turn over the signal watch and any weapons that could capture Supergirl. Haley sends him away to secure proper presidential approval, but while he’s gone, she sets about gathering the goods he asked for because “orders are orders.”

Alex hands over the watch and instructs her to press it twice to summon Supergirl. (Ah, but once summons Supergirl; twice is the Akbar warning.) To get her chain-of-command-loving boss fully onboard, Alex asks for Kelly Olsen’s advice on what to do. Kelly tells her that you can’t change people, but you can appeal to what they care most about.

So Alex tries to convince Haley that following an immoral order makes you complicit and begs her to think of her daughter. Haley is furious at having that bit of personal information leveraged against her. Also, she knows that Alex lied and it’s actually a single press to summon Supergirl.

Brainy, too, is facing a conundrum after he and Alex agree that Lockwood’s next step will be to use the alien registry to start rounding up aliens. Declaring that “no one is more clandestine than I. NO ONE!” Brainy sets out to delete the registry, relying on the subterfuge techniques of Ethan Hunt, “master of the impossible mission.”

But when the time comes to delete, he realizes that there’s a 50/50 chance that deleting it will cause more harm for the alien community if he’s discovered. He freaks out and finds Nia at CatCo, even though they haven’t spoken since their “incredible yet devastating romantic encounter at the hospital.” Since he can’t use logic to decide, he asks her to dream the future to find out what he decides so he can just do it.

Then she plays him by pretending to dream that he doesn’t destroy the registry. He says that’s ridiculous, and she explains that she tricked him into listening to his gut. But that night, she for-real dreams that he’s apprehended by the Children of Liberty for destroying the registry and calls him in a panic to warn him not to do it. Too late, though; he deleted it but downloaded a copy of his brain, calling the potential danger “the cost of being a hero.”

Okay, now, to Supergirl and Lena, who follow up on Lilian Luthor’s tip that Lex has been coming and going from his prison cell for months. They strong-arm the Stryker Island warden to let them toss Lex’s cell by promising to keep his husband out of his Lex-related legal mess. He agrees, and Supergirl takes the long walk past a row of penned inmates chanting her name and calling her a terrorist, with a supportive Lena by her side. Lena, after all, knows all about how awful it is to be a good guy accused of being bad.

In Lex’s cell, Lena declares his Hannibal-crossing-the-Alps etching pretentious and solves his puzzle to unlock their childhood chess board to reveal stacks of Lex’s journals, including one recording all of her faults and mistakes since she was four. What a monster he is. Lena settles into the painful task of reading her brother’s journals, even though just looking at his handwriting is like needles in her eyes, while Supergirl talks to his cell neighbor, Steve Lomeli (Willie Garson, a welcome presence in whatever show he pops up in).

Steve, who’s locked up for stealing classified DOD documents about illegal drone warfare, calls her a malignant narcissist, taunting that, “Everything you touch, you ruin.” Then things get worse when Otis shows up to kill the warden and free all the inmates from their cells to help capture Supergirl.

Knowing that Otis has Metallo’s powers, Lena gives Supergirl a Kryptonite shield for her S-insignia. Wait, so Lena made a K-shield and brought it with her on the off chance that Supergirl might need it? That’s certainly thoughtful of her.

Then Supergirl turns to fight her way through a long line of inmates, none of whom stand a chance against her, and honestly, Supergirl effortlessly batting around a cellblock full of numbskulls is exactly why I watch this program, so thank you every so much, writers.

Then Otis appears to sneer, “if it isn’t Lee Harvey Supergirl.” They blast each other through walls and hit each other with prison gym equipment, but eventually, his Kryptonite blasts destroy her shield, and Supergirl’s forced to change into Kara Danvers. In her human guise, she tells Otis she saw a red blur going that-away, and for a second, Otis looks suspicious. C-could he possibly be…?

Nah, he just wants to know what a woman’s doing in an all-male cellblock. She tells him she’s a journalist doing a story on prison reform. But he doesn’t care to give her a comment: “I don’t trust the press. They always parachute into crises like this without any context for the larger systemic issues at play.” Y’ALL. I may be a little in love with Otis now because, by God, he’s not wrong.

When he heads out, Kara recharges in the sun and then bumps into Steve, who turns out to be the editor of Stryker’s one and only newsletter. He’s delighted to meet the famous Kara Danvers, who writes the Aliens of National City column, and apologizes for having his muscle pull a shiv on her.

Then the National Guard pulls up outside and makes plans to come in shooting if Supergirl doesn’t give herself up. Steve predicts that the prisoners are acceptable collateral damage in this scenario and drops to the floor, placing a comforting hand over the trembling fingers of his scared bodyguard, which was a nice little character moment.

To minimize the casualties, Kara changes into Supergirl again and uses a super-clap to knock all of the rioting prisoners off their feet and out of the line of fire.

Then she races back to Lex’s cell, where Lena has discovered that the etching isn’t of the Alps, but the mountain peak where a young Lex promised a young Lena that he’d build a house to keep them both safe forever. (Is…is that a touch of humanity, or another long-ago Lex trick?) When she touched that section of the drawing, the wall lifted to reveal his secret prison lab.

But before the women can explore its secrets, Otis steps into the cell as he talks on the phone with Lex, who directs him to the center of the room. Once he’s there, Lex engages a device that revs Otis’s Metallo implant and causes him to explode. It destroys the lab, and Lena and Supergirl barely escape thanks to Supergirl punching through the back wall.

But the danger isn’t over yet; Lockwood arrives at the DEO with the proper presidential order and starts handing out big guns to his men. He tells Haley to summon Supergirl, and Haley. presses. twice. Heck yeah, scary boss lady!

A frustrated Lockwood realizes that Supergirl’s not coming, so he takes all the big guns with him and leaves. Haley tells Alex that she didn’t do the double-tap for Alex but for her daughter, who’s scared of the martial law and is sad that her favorite alien teacher has gone into hiding. Suddenly, the complicit thing didn’t look so appealing, huh?

Also unappealing? The president allowing Lockwood to deputize the Children of Liberty, which should make everybody’s blood run cold. Oh, and Eve’s able to put Humpty-Otis back together again after his detonation.

Finally, when the news (but not CatCo, of course!) spins the Stryker Island visit as Supergirl’s attempt to free prisoners, Supergirl realizes she’s doing more harm than good right now and flies away to lie low. And in her Kara Danvers duds, she heads back to Stryker to interview Steve, who’s honored to help bring Lex Luthor to justice. He slides her a jump drive with the contents of Lex’s secret prison lab hard drive before it was destroyed.

“The pen is mightier than the sword,” he says, and she replies, “Maybe even mightier than a cape.”

Snaps of the cape

Tonight’s important Olsen development: James is suffering from something more than PTSD. Although the therapist he’s working with teaches him about bilateral stimulation, a widely used calming tool, his eyes and veins turn black when he’s upset, giving him super sight, strength, and hearing. Stay tuned for the possibility of a turbo-charged, midnight-eyed Guardian.

Not only did James fill Kelly in on what’s going on, but didja catch that smiley little moment she shared with Alex? I bet they’re both glad she stuck around National City.

My word, but Otis is a pop-culture quip machine: It’s easy being green, his heart growing three sizes, heeeeeere’s Otis. Supergirl is killing it with the recurring villains this season!

Gosh, remember when both Alex and Lena were not at all Supergirl’s biggest fans? And then Supergirl won them both over through her bravery, loyalty, and friendship? A million heart emojis forever, show!

[whitewolfbumble]

The Fallout - Part Twenty-One (Bucky x Reader)

Summary: You had been a ghost for years, taking down the bad guys from the shadows that had once enslaved you. That is until the Avengers finally caught up with you and yet again your life changed. But your past won’t stay dead and everything starts to shift when a familiar face joins the ranks: Bucky Barnes. He may not remember you, but you certainly remember him.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Warnings: Slow burn, language, fighting, blood, heartbreak, call back to rape threat, pain, just all the things!

Word Count: About 4k

A/N: Couple things to know! We are throwing back to Part Fifteen and have a call back to Part Four because I’ve been playing the long game here people! Secondly, this is The Scene for me. This was the first scene I thought of six months ago that started this whole story. The story evolved over time (while in my mind this scene didn’t) so there’s this huge conflict in me between what this story is vs. how I had imagined this part to play out. I thought I would be able to write and post this chapter immediately because I’ve lived with it so long. Not at all the case. I ended up drastically changing this (after multiple rewrites) from the original idea and I would appreciate all the validation you can give lol!

MY MASTERLIST // THE FALLOUT MASTERLIST // PART TWENTY

There had been a protocol in place, long since established, aptly named the “Rogue Protocol”. It was an order implemented by the Team’s A.I. on command for protection, and today it would be the protocol that ended them.

Let’s say someone turned to the dark side. Let’s imagine they went full evil in the darkest timeline, hell bent on causing damage to the Avengers. It certainly was possible by say Loki’s sceptre, or perhaps Hydra’s triggering, or any number of evils that lurked and thrived in this world. But Jacosta was there just in case of this.

With a word from the Avengers the A.I. would completely erase all access a user had. They would not be allowed near the home base or any safe houses. They would be shut off from any and all Avenger intel or information. Security access would be stripped. Comm lines scrambled and changed. Even their face and name and details sent out to every government and secret security organization around the world in warning. A total and complete shut out.

Simple and efficient.

And clearly, as you had shown, necessary.

But on the eve of one Hydra-baiting party, there had been a change to this protocol. And it had gone rather unnoticed:

“Well not exactly.” Tony typed something into his tablet before tapping it on seemingly nothing in the air.

Immediately a hologram pulled up in the centre of the room in front of you. It looked like a ball of light and squiggles, all in a luminous purple glow. They moved and flowed in the space with an intricate pattern you saw but couldn’t predict. Again, this tech was too advanced for you, so you waited for him to continue.

“This is Jacosta, who’s been parading around as F.R.I.D.A.Y. since the whole Vier Gliedmaßen thing. There was a line in Fri’s programming that was altered. Corrupted. They got their hands on my tech somehow and got in. But’s that my mission to solve, not yours.”

He looked at you with a tight smile at that. You knew he had been wracked with guilt since the day The Black showed up. And then when he berated you for killing them, using his cutting remarks as some sick test. Then when the comms went down at Vier Gliedmaßen, causing you to dive in headlong after Bucky. So yeah, he had a little bit of a tough go lately.

You just hoped this party wasn’t going to add to that growing list…

“I don’t blame you for The Black or Hydra getting in.” you said, your heart too over-run with emotions to keep a grudge in there too anymore. “Tech or no, we relied on each other and we got out alive. Now we know more about what we’re dealing with.”

“Yeah, a suped-up Hydra. Gone are the days of rudimentary one-man subs and goofy lasers huh.”

“You’ll figure it out Tony,” you reassured, seeing through his muted free-falling self-esteem. He put on a good show but he wasn’t as haughty as others might think. Not always.

“Though I might just take a closer look at Jacosta sometime. Just in case.”

“Permission granted,” he said with a small smile. After those previous debacles, you doubted he would deny that request.

So later that day you waited, anxiety and vulnerablity setting into your bones. It drilled deeper into you with every minute, not having felt this way in half a century. Because yes, despite your glossing over it at the time, Tony’s tech and procedures had failed you. And yes, your mind had been wiped by your worst and most intimate enemy, ripping away your ability to fight and defend yourself. So now it felt like you were staring down a barrel of a gun.

The threat of Hydra, of torture, and worst of all becoming the Siren again had you more than rattled. It had you sick to your stomach you were so terrified. Not even the quarter drunk bottle of whiskey you had been working on quelled that feeling yet, though you had no intention of stopping until that bottle was completely empty.

That night you were being forced out into a situation you thought you couldn’t reasonably win, if it really came down to it.

And it wasn’t because you didn’t have the support and protection of your Team. You did, certainly, and knew they would go to any lengths to protect you. But without your fighting ability at full strength (you were basically as useful as a puppy in a fight) you just felt helpless, the feeling foreign and infuriating.

Last time Hydra came to the Tower they had done so by way of siccing The Black on you. You had been caught on the wrong side of a locked door, forced to pretend you weren’t fucking dying inside as they pinned you to the ground, outnumbered thirteen to one. You could only wait for your team members to show after a purposely devised pointless mission, desperately needing to know they hadn’t fallen into a trap themselves before making your move. 

In those hours you had to shut off every emotion, kneeling there on the floor as Steve and Bucky came into view, faces dropping in horror as the situation sunk in. You watched their anger and hidden panic as a glass wall and locked door kept you apart, listening to the threats of the leader and snake, Frenz. And worst of all you had to see the look of disgust in Bucky’s eyes as you killed every single one of the thirteen men that were there to rape and kill you. And you had to watch your revolted friends stand there numbly as you cleaned up after it.

And that night, of all decisions to make, Tony and the Team had practically invited Hydra back into your home. They had proved they had the means to enter and infiltrate before, why wouldn’t they do it now, when that you were weakened? Unable to put up much of a fight?

But with two simple words, Tony had given you permission to check into Jacosta’s programming. To alter it. Or override it if need be. You had complete and full admin access, rivalled only by Tony.

If the situation came down to it again, and they locked you away from your friends and protection- from your now only means of survival- you had to find another way to win.

So, you gave yourself permission to unlock any door.

Simple. Basic. Mostly used to calm the rattling inside you and give you enough courage to face that night.

In doing so, you had to completely removed any protocol restrictions or barriers blocking you, so no matter were you found yourself, you had a means of escape. It over-rid everything, permanently, unless specifically altered after the fact. Right down to the Rogue Protocol.

Now, Jacosta was new and learning, which was an advantage to you, the Siren. You bet your freedom that Tony wouldn’t go digging into the Rogue Protocal too deeply, trusting the system he had created without checking the alterations done at its base programming before starting it up once Hydra took you. It was buried and rooted behind walls of security, and only one soul had access it. 

Well, two at one point. But that was enough.

There was always a massive probability that the system would right itself or Tony would find it before you even got here. You knew this plan was a fucking longshot from the get go. A lot of oversight was needed for this to work.

But if it hadn’t, you would still found another way. You would’ve waited until a team member got to close to your little prison and snapped their neck. Or you would have slit your throat and held a doctor hostage. Maybe started a fire with sparks from your metal hand somehow. Or perhaps you would have slowly faked returning back to your original self, building trust and using that against them. Regardless, you would have found a way to cause pain and eventually figure another way to freedom.

But this was much better.

You had used this simple alteration for your own protection at one time. But now you were using it for escape.

And by some dark miracle, it fucking worked.

“Jacosta,” you said calmly. “Open the cell doors.”

No one outside your cell moved or made a sound, not actually believing that the A.I. would listen to your calmly stated command. Even as the door swung open on its hinges, everyone was still, not immediately believing what they were seeing.

The air seemed fresher, lights brighter, and vision clearer as you placed one foot in front of the other beyond the threshhold and into freedom.

“Now,” you said, arms out and eyes as black and cold as space, voice not much warmer. “Let’s play.”

Your immediate craving was Bucky, looking to him with hunger in your gaze, but the man was motionless, having stumbled back in confusion as you opened up your little prison. Even as horror turned to rage he stood there shocked still. You were loose in the world again- in his world- and you were going to burn it to the fucking ground. You could almost see flashes of the horrors you had committed in the past months in the blue of this eyes, of what burning fire you could reign down now that you were free again. On the world. On the Team. On him. And it would be his fault all over again.

So it wasn’t Bucky- who never had a love of fighting- that got this party started, but actually Sam.

He had come in at Bucky’s call just before your escape, hanging back as you commanded their precious A.I. to betray them. But now he bolted down the hall, emotions kicked aside and military training kicking into high gear. You were an enemy and you needed to go down, and, like the friend he was, wasn’t going to make your ex-love try it first.

You sized up your competition as the ex-vet sprinted towards you, muscles tense, thoughts of his own safety or odds abandoned, dark green shirt unstained with sweat or blood.

You would have to change that.

He knew he would have to come at you with some serious power and force, and the man did.

Always having favoured his fists, he ran right up to you trying to use his momentum to try and force you back into your cell, throwing punches with force and precision. You blocked one hit with your forearm, then the next in quick succession with your elbow, then the next with your arm again. All the while you watched him half-amused, easily tracking his movements. He was a military man with practiced movements and you had taken down thousands of those in your time.

A knee came up hard to your ribs to try and pushed you back, but your fist swung down hard on his knee before the other one swung up at his jaw. Throwing your metal fist with some serious might, you heard an audible crack as you made contact with the quick one-two punch. It sent him up in the air before smacking down on the ground, face in shock as his breath wouldn’t come but the pain certainly did.

Before he had even hit the ground you were running to him, foot raised to stomp down on his neck and the life out of him, when Bucky finally broke through his shock and made his decision to take you down.

He launched at you mid-stomp, his momentum crashing into yours, grabbing around your waist and sending you both flying to the side. Both his and your metal hands scrapped along the floor, shrieking and spraying sparks as you went careening into the wall with bone crushing speed.

The white lights above you cut out and turned to blue flashing lights lining the hall, signalling your breakout.

You ignored them easily as immediately after crashing against the wall you brought up your knees to the groin and stomach of the hulking wall of muscle pinning you, twisting your body to get loose of Bucky’s grip around your middle. You managed to end up with his hips between your thighs as he lay on briefly on his stomach, your hand grasping his neck and wrist. But his elbow cracked up and connected with your face with such force you were thrown clean off him, sent skidding back to the floor with a shower of blood exploding off your face.

You flipped back into a roll instantly to stand, ignoring your bloodied face as he came at you again.

Bucky, furious and far more unhinged than the Soldier had ever fought, did not pull his punches as he swung, forcing power behind his swinging arms and fists. It was wild and abandoned and full of pain, but you were prepared for this.

He was a tank, that much you knew from long years together. But you had power too. And speed. And ingenuity. Plus a drug-adrenalin combination that made you all but oblivious to the pain. He just had brute strength and a broken heart.

Swinging in broadly he tried to push you back, but you weren’t willing to lose ground. Dodging and blocking you grabbed his metal fist sharply with yours, and jumped straight up, twisting your leg around to kick him square in the chest.

It was his turn to go flying back, sparks flying again in the blue flashing room. You immediately dove on him to keep your upper hand in the fight, punching over and over, drawing blood and causing his body to thrash around under the force of your fists.

But he got hold of you, clutching your wrists hard threw his head into your face before flipping you over so you were on the ground and he was looming over you, you lungs sputtering with the blood you swallowed.

He pinned you, wrists held tightly in his hands: your metal hand to his metal hand, your flesh hand to his. His hair hung down, brushing your face, and it was unable to hide his burning eyes or anger curled lip. He hated this situation, hated fighting you, hated hurting you.

His body was hovering directly above you, and you would take any advantage where you could get it.

He expected you to keep fighting or to struggle as he held you fast underneath his body pinned to the floor, feet hooking yours in place to keep you from kicking free. But you didn’t even try.

Lifting off several inches from the floor, your hips ground into his hips, then followed the rest of your body in a smooth slow roll, pressing your abdomen, chest, shoulders, and face right against him.

You purred into his corner of his mouth, lips vibrating against the edges of his with the sound.

“I just knew you wanted to pin me down.” you teased seductively. “Knew you wanted to feel what it was like to have me pressed against you again.” 

At that Bucky threw himself off of you, releasing you as he tried to step back, face contorted. But before he could fully move off of you, your hands briefly freed, you twisted to the side so you could get your arm up around to the back of his neck. You slammed him down to the ground, his face hitting the floor with a crack.

For the first time in minutes, everything stilled as silence hung in the hall. 

Pushing him off, you got up and briefly looked down the man at your feet. You could have killed him, and if you were any other one of Hydra’s agent, you probably would have. But you weren’t a creature whose priority was merely efficiency like the Soldier had been. You had only barely begun torturing Bucky, and to kill him now would have been much too quick. Much better than he deserved.

This Bucky had been far too emotional. The Solider wouldn’t have made such a mistake. The man in front of you was far too human.

Quite unlike you at the moment.

Now, with no bodies between you and the door, you rolled your shoulders with a smile as a jolt of euphoria snaked through you, leaving the two poor things to bleed behind you.

Under the blue flashing light, you knew that someone else must have set them off as you set off down to the end of the hall. There was a small chance it was the A.I. but you doubted it. You could feel it in your bones, another presense lurking somewhere in this vast compound.

You sauntered up to the security panel on the wall by the door, absently wiping the blood still flowing from your face. It misted off your metal fist as it slammed into that panel, breaking it open. You ripped out the wires and sparks flew, igniting the little box into small flickers then full flames. You ripped off your hoodie and shoved it in there, fabric catching and beginning to smoke then be licked at by orange flames.

After a moment a loud siren rang out, repeating every few seconds and the lights dropped, the blue being replaced by a bright red flashing. You looked blood covered and it sent a thrill down your spine. Another buzz sounded nearby and immediately the door unlocked and spread open.

If there was someone still in the security room monitoring all this, they would have deleted your “open door policy” access by now most likely. Or at the very least Tony would have been notified of what was happening, and trying to man it from wherever he was in your little goose-chase.

So fire was your option. Starting one would unlock all hallway door checkpoints where any Avengers were to the safe zones: either exits or security rooms to monitor the situation. That had been the procedure in the Tower, and was clearly the same here too. Now all you had to do was follow the unlocked doors to your next destination. And you weren’t ready to leave just yet.

Turning down several silently deserted corridors, there was an eeriness in the air you brought with you, nothing but red flashing light as your company. As you walked closer into the compound (presumably), you began to slow down.

Your steps became leisurely, pace not as determinedly set. A smile cracked through the blood your face, black eyes wide and searching the long and wide corridor you found yourself in.

“Natasha...” you whispered tauntingly, cool and creepy voice drifting lightly down the hall as you walked. “Natasha... where are you…”

You could feel her, your senses keyed up and adrenalin absolutely flooding you. It reacted with the drugs still in your system and dialled everything inside of you beyond ten. Your eyes were wide and shimmering black, your hearing was picking up everything around you, and you could smell her telltale scent of mahogany, cinnamon, and something bitter lightly reaching your broken nose.

Quicker than most could move, a door to your left was thrown open and Natasha came running out, throwing her knee up to slam against your body, snapping up a wire at her wrist in preparation.

She would have slammed her knee against you, knocking you off balance and making you hunch down as you faltered. She would have taken her opportunity then to jump up and wrap her legs around your neck, perched on your shoulders. She would have tied that piano wire around your neck until you passed out.

Because unlike Bucky, she was stealth and speed and maneuvering. She had complete control over her body, able to fight and win along side superhumans, gods, and armoured suited geniuses. But she came into fights with just her skills, a small wire, and sometimes a gun or two. And time after time she would win it, because Natasha was just that fucking good.

But you would show her what real power looked like.

Your metal hand snapped out as Nat did from the shadows, forcing through the wire she was a second from trying to wrap around your neck. Instead, your grip clutched her throat as you planted your feet, stopping her short and sending her lower half jerking back at your immovability.

You could have crushed her windpipe and ended her right there. But she needed to feel the power you had over her. Reaching down you grabbed under her knee and hoisted her up, flipping her right over and slammed her onto the ground. 

Your grip didn’t let up as her eyes went wide, face red as you cut off the circulation to her head while you smiled widely down at her. She couldn’t even sputter. She tried to reach her legs up and wrap them around you, tried to hurt you with her fists and feet and body, expertly done, even if she was fast suffocating.

But you felt none of it. Instead you punched down over and over, seeing and feeling blood spout from her face. Her blood was hard earn and the spray that hit you felt like refreshing mist on your skin.

The feeling was short-lived though.

You didn’t hear it, the sound almost too loud for your brain to process, bursting through your ear drums. What felt like a concrete wall hit you, sending you flying back off Nat, airborne for a second before hitting and cracking against the wall.

You recovered as fast as you could- unnaturally so for a normal person- head knocked way too hard against the unyielding wall to snap back instantly though. You took uneasy but quick steps forward, turning to face the source of the explosion, but distrated briefly by someone else.

The first thing your mind seeing beside subtly flaming debris scattered around you was the beaten sight of Bucky running in, face bruised and covered in as much blood as your own.

The next was when you turned to where the source of the explosion was, and standing there on top of the pile of rumble was Iron Man.

You shocked yourself for a moment, feeling simultaneously relieved and furious at the sight before you. It added an undercurrent of confusion to your feelings, you not realizing why relief was in the mix at all. You certainly did not want him there. A couple normal humans and one ex-Hydra agent were easily handled. But it was harder to punch through an Iron Man suit. Though not impossible.

“Bucky,” came his voice, hands raised and threatening as he stood like a coward covered by his gleaming suit on top of a caved in ceiling, unlike your exposed and bleeding skin. “Back off. Just turn around, I will handle this.”

You looked to the man, calculations on your next moved briefly halted as you watched Bucky’s face flinch. Maybe from pain. Maybe from the anger and sadness there in him now. Something was off. Something information was missing.

“Don’t leave me to him,” you said, exasperated, trying to cause division. “You know how angry he was before when you caught me; he’s more likely to kill me than lock me up again!”

But looking at Iron Man you took in his cold metal exterior. You couldn’t sense his emotions, or discern his body language through it. But you could taste it in the air. You knew that taste.

He knew you would kill everyone. You almost had killed three of his team members in a matter of minutes today. And once securing this compound and letting Hydra have free reign of the system, you would have tortured them. And you wouldn’t stop. Ever. 

You smelt the need for blood on him.

You knew he would try and put you down before you put his entire Team down. Maybe Bucky or Steve wouldnt be able to ever stomach or consider that option, but Tony was not cut from the same cloth. 

You waited in the silence, only Bucky inching towards you, ignoring Tony completely. But your eyes were on the suited Iron Man in front of you, narrowed and waiting, because in that moment, you just knew.

Oh god, he really was going to try and kill you.

As that little speck of relief turned to sad understanding, your overwhelming anger turned to bitter rage.

“You’re going to try and kill me?!” you barked, harsh and spitting blood. “I’m your fucking friend you bastard! And you think you’re the one who gets to kill me?!”

“No,” Bucky said, confident and firm, eyes only on you as Tony watched him. “No one is going to kill you, Y/N. You’re safe. I’ve got you.”

It was like an electrical baton was shoved in the base of your head, connecting with your spine and sending the feel in a shockwave through your body and brain.

I’m safe. He’s got me.

The piece of you which had turned to understanding, shifted again back to relief.

The words blanked out your vision for a moment, blocking you from seeing Bucky relax at your sudden drop of tense muscles. You didn’t notice Tony turn away from you back to Bucky. You didn’t see him wordlessly raise his hand and blast Bucky in the stomach, sending him back down the hall in a flash of white. You didn’t catch any of it, numb and fuzzy to the world for a moment.

But you did see Tony flying at you, only a second from colliding with you when the fuzziness took a back seat in your mind. Your only course of action was using your hand, grabbing Tony’s as he reached for you in a blinding shine of red and gold. Using his momentum, you swung him around your body, crushing his hand in his suit with yours.

The momentum knocked you down too, scrambling up to get away, mind still moving too slow to do what you needed it too. But a flash of black passed you from behind, you eyes clicking into place that it was Bucky running up protectively to meet Tony, who was launching at you.

Again Bucky was full of reckless abandon, arms swingly with wild power as he pushed Tony back, the man no match for Bucky’s hand-to-hand combat skills. Furious groans and the unbearably loud sound of metal crushing metal rang out as the two clashed.

You always had back-ups and quick mind to calculate the next best possible move, but as more chaos entered into the mix here, your plan began to splinter at its seams.

You didn’t think, just started moving, the familiar face of Steve in your sightlines running down the hallway. You pushed out all thoughts of how the hell he was here and how the fuck both Cap and Iron Man got back so fast and not at your bomb sites half a world away.

Steve didn’t even seem to be running for you but looked like he was heading straight for Bucky, probably thinking he had gone Winter Soldier on him. You scrambled up to a half crouch before diving at his knees just before he reached his friend who was pummelling Tony.

The pair of you had barely landed when hands grabbed both your arms from behind and threw you off of Steve. You barrelled down the hall, rolling uncontrollably with your body smacking the floor as you went. Blood in your eyes and head spinning you looked out to see Iron Man come huddling towards you too, the force of a punch square to his chest from Bucky sending him flying back, before Steve and Nat- who you presumed threw you off of Cap- could catch him.

Tony whizzed passed you, hand catching and searing across your calves as he careened down one side of you. Bucky was immediately running your way, seeing you lying there with nothing between you and Tony now. Steve and Nat were running after him, but they weren’t the real threat here now.

With the space Tony had away from Bucky, he was able to stabilize himself mid air before crashing against a wall. A hand went up but it wasn’t his blaster that was aimed at Bucky, but a little launcher sprung out from his wrist.

Without thinking, you jumped up in front of Bucky as Tony fired, pushing Bucky down with all the strength you had and standing in his place.

Right after that moment, the chaos died down.

Everything went oddly quiet as you stood there, teetering ever so slightly. The sounds around you were instantly gone. Your mind stilled. Even your heartbeat and racing blood in your veins had disappeared for a moment.

Looking down slowly you saw your abdomen, once clothed in a smooth black fabric, was now torn and anything but smooth, chunks of your flesh spread across it, hanging limply and bloody.

It had only been one bullet, but it exploded like a buck shot of sorts. It had just done so inside of your body, spreading out organs and muscles and red liquid everywhere.

In a blink of an eye you were on your knees, catching yourself on Bucky’s open arms. You didn’t have the space inside you to feel shocked at suddenly being on the floor and him suddenly being there to catch you.

A hiss of air tried to escape your lungs as you turned to him, eyes wide and furious angry melting into something quite different.

Your spine seemed to quit as you collapsed back, Bucky catching you again and hovering above you on the ground, hands holding yours over your gaping wound. Blood poured like a waterfall, Hydra chemicals and drugs running out with it.

“Y/N,” Bucky said, voice sounding higher than usual though calm, but eyes beginning to brim with tears and panic and agony. “It’s okay, I have you. You’re okay. You’re safe, I’ve got you.”

I’m safe. He’s got me.

Your body settled, embracing the pain you began to feel, not fighting it. Your jaw unclenched. Your fist released their grip. Your whole body relaxed. The anger and walls that had been put up fading away and emptied out of you like the blood pooling on the floor.

I’m safe. He’s got me.

He’s safe. I’ve got him.

Slowly you reached a hand to his face, the slightest bit of colour returning to your irises.

You whispered one thing to him, voice small and cracked before you were ripped from him, Bucky instantly screaming out after you, eyes wide and body thrashing wildly to get you back.

“...Bucky?”

PART TWENTY-TWO

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[until-theend-oftheline]

When They Had Nothing - Part 5: Times Are Changing

Pairing: Stucky (Eventually)

Warnings: Steve’s health issues, War in Europe, Fighting, Violence, Suppressed feelings, Pining.  

Word Count: 4300ish

A/N: This is my new Stucky series. It starts with the boys as kids in Brooklyn and follows CAFA but from Bucky’s POV rather than Steve’s. I am sooo excited about this series which I have been working on for about 6 months as it’s written for @cabigbang

Art Inspired by WTHN by: @ischa-posts - thank you so much for taking the time to create art for my series!

Betaed by: @blacktithe7 @emilyevanston and @ifyougetkilled-walk-it-off - Thank you so much for all your help!

***My fics are not to be saved nor posted on any other sites without my express written permission.***

MASTERLIST - CABIGBANG MASTERLIST + AO3 LINK

December 24th, 1941

Steve was quiet as Bucky when they walked out of the enlistment office side by side. Bucky wasn’t sure what to say to him. He knew Steve wasn’t just angry. He was upset. He felt as if he wasn’t good enough, because of something beyond his control. The same way he had felt his entire life, but Bucky had somehow managed to lessen that feeling just by being his friend. He knew that, but right now Bucky didn’t know what to say or do.

He was relieved as hell they had rejected Steve. He knew they most likely would, but his fear that they might take him had overridden the logic. Which also meant he wasn’t completely prepared to deal with either of their mental states at the moment.

“Steve…” Bucky began, but the man next to him just shook his head. He didn’t want to talk about it. As big as Steve’s heart was, he had always been shit at talking about his own emotions. Bucky knew that, and he wasn’t going to push him on the matter. Not right now at least.

“Have you told your parents?” Steve changed the subject, and Bucky sighed.

“Yeah… I told them last night. I’m gonna tell them it’s final tomorrow morning when we go over there,” Bucky answered, emphasizing the 'we'. He was leaving no room for argument on that one. There was no way he was leaving Steve alone on Christmas morning, no matter if he felt like going or not. Steve must have sensed that because he didn’t argue. He just carried on with the conversation. Bucky knew it was most likely to distract his own mind, so he went with it.

“George must have been proud?” Steve asked, but regret flashed across his eyes when he looked over at Bucky.

“If he was he didn’t show it. He’s probably holding out for some rank or something,” Bucky muttered. “Mom and Becca were freaking out though. I think they knew there was a chance I would be drafted, but I don’t think they expected…”

“They’ll be fine.” Steve reached out, giving Bucky’s arm a small squeeze, and his mind instantly calmed. Steve’s touch had that effect on him. Everything bad got pushed aside, and there was just the two of them. “I’ll look in on them if you want me too.”

Bucky smiled, wrapping his arm around Steve’s shoulders. He was amazed at how his friend always managed to find some way to do good even when he was at his lowest.

“I’d love that, Stevie. Thanks,” Bucky tugged him closer against his side as they crossed the street heading back to their place to celebrate Christmas Eve together. Maybe for the last time, depending on the state of the world next year.

Bucky was scared. He knew he was doing the right thing and he didn’t for a second regret his decision. He was doing what had to be done. People were murdered for nothing more than how they looked and what they believed in. As much as Bucky wanted to stay with Steve and his family, this was something he needed to do. He couldn’t look himself in the eyes if he didn’t, so he pushed his fear down and focused on tonight and Steve.  

June 14th, 1943

Bucky had headed straight for his and Steve’s apartment when he got off on leave. It was his last night in the States, and he wanted to spend it with his best friend.

Training had taken up a lot of his time. He thrived in the army. He was pretty damn good with a rifle, and he knew how to handle himself in a fight. He knew what was expected of him, and he lived up to it and more, which is how had managed to reach the rank of sergeant in less than two years. When he had told his dad, he had seen something that resembled pride for the first time in years. That had angered Bucky though, and he had promised himself right then and there that when he had kids one day he would never make them feel as if they weren’t good enough. He would never make them feel as if they needed to risk their lives for their sacrifice to matter.

Which was part of the reason he was here. He would go to tell his mom and sister goodbye before he left in the morning, but tonight he needed to be with Steve. It was his last night home, and there was no one else he’d rather spend it with.

Steve wasn’t home. Bucky knew his shift had ended a few hours ago, so there was only one place he could be. A movie theatre down the street where Steve had started spending more and more time. Bucky wasn’t around much anymore, and Steve needed something that could distract him from the numerous times he had tried to enlist under different names and area codes.

Bucky had been furious with him the first time he had tried tricking the system. He hated that Steve thought he had to do this and that he wasn’t good enough the way that he was. Bucky just wanted Steve to be Steve. He didn’t need him to go off and get himself killed or get locked up for trying. Bucky wanted Steve to think of himself first for once and not to get in a fight standing up for some asshole or dame that was just going to laugh at him anyway. Steve always saw the good in other people whereas Bucky tended to see the world the way it really was. There was always going to be another asshole and another fight. It didn’t mean that Bucky wouldn’t stand up for what was right every time, but it did mean that he thought Steve shouldn’t. When it meant fighting guys twice Steve’s size Bucky could deal with it. He didn’t like it, but Bucky had come to terms with the fact there was no stopping him. Asthmatic and sickly Steve in the smoky rough trenches of a war zone was another matter. His fears weren’t about Steve not being good enough, they were simply about Bucky wanting him to be safe.

Off course, Steve was Steve, and he was never going to be completely safe. Bucky sighed with the realization as he heard the sounds of a fight coming from the back alley. If Steve was here and there was a fight going on, that was were Bucky would find him. He just hoped he would find him before a trip to the hospital would be needed this time.

Bucky knew that Steve was a lot tougher than he looked, still, his heartbeat picked up as he saw the guy land a punch, knocking Steve to the ground. He rushed towards the guy who was undoubtedly going to kick the much smaller Steve while he was laying on the ground.

“Hey! Pick on someone your own size.”

Bucky grabbed a hold of his arm, dragging him backward, effectively placing himself between Steve and his bully like so many times before. Being Steve’s shield had become second nature to him. Bucky easily ducked out of the way when the guy was dumb enough to take a swing at him. He threw a punch he knew was going to make the guy feel his jaw rattle for a few hours, effectively getting his point across. Still, he couldn’t keep himself from placing a solid kick to the guy's ass as he scurried off. Bucky might not know what had happened to get Steve to pick a fight with him, but he knew without a doubt he deserved the kick and so much more.

Bucky turned back to Steve when the guy disappeared out into the street. He was relieved to see him standing, but he also knew Steve didn’t need pity right now.

“Sometimes I think you like getting punched,” Bucky snarked, before noticing the paper lying between them.

“I had him on the ropes,” Steve replied, wiping the blood from his face, standing up straight, nursing his head.

“How many times is this?” Bucky sighed. Part of him wanted to kick Steve’s ass for keeping this up. He knew it wouldn’t do any good, so he kept up the show, messing with him for it.

“Oh, so you are from Params now? You know it’s illegal to lie on the enlisting forms, right?” Bucky tried to throw in a little sense before keeping up his show, “and seriously? Jersey?”

Steve had been too busy trying to shake off the hits he had taken to look straight at Bucky until that moment. A rush of emotions flashed across Steve’s face when he saw the uniform, and Bucky’s heart broke. He had been so busy worrying about Steve he hadn’t thought that Steve might feel the same about him. Bucky had gotten in his fair share of fights in the past, but usually because Steve picked them, and he most certainly hadn’t run willingly into a gunfight before.

“Did you get your orders?” The concern in Steve’s voice was evident, even if he would never say anything. Bucky knew Steve wished they were doing this together, but more than that, it was war. Bucky was going to war, and Steve was scared to lose his best friend.

Bucky took a deep breath. Fear, pride, and regret mixed together in his mind as he stood up a little straighter, introducing himself for the first time since he had gotten his orders.

“The 107th. Sergeant James Barnes. Shipping out for England first thing tomorrow.” Bucky watched Steve nod slowly, coming to terms with the fact they might go a very long time before seeing each other again.

“I should be going,” Steve looked up at Bucky as if he was feeling ashamed he wasn’t shipping out with Bucky. Like he was somehow failing him, but nothing could be further from the truth. Bucky didn’t know what to do, so he smiled, wrapping his arm around Steve’s shoulders, pulling him close against his side.

“Come on, man,” he tried to sound chipper as he led him out of the alley. “It’s my last night.”

Bucky wrinkled his nose as he detected the stench of garbage coming from Steve, and he let go of him with a slight roll of the eyes. Off course of all the places he’d pick a fight it’d be somewhere he’d end up in a garbage can.

“We’ve got to get you cleaned up,” Bucky decided. Steve sulked but followed Bucky out of the alley.

“Why? Where’re we going?” Steve asked, causing Bucky to smile a little, handing him the paper he had picked up as he was getting off the train before coming to see Steve.

“To the future,” he answered, smirking at Steve when he shook his head at him. Bucky loved stuff like this, and it was a dream of his to get a job working for Stark when he got back home. Steve knew this, and even if he didn’t share his excitement for technology, he wasn’t going to argue with Bucky on this. It was his last night after all.

Bucky wasn’t entirely sure why he had gotten the idea to bring the women along. One of them, Connie, was a girl he had been seeing while he was on leave. All the time he had off he had been split between her, Steve, and his family. Tonight, she was bringing a friend and Bucky was hoping she would take a liking to Steve. It was his last Hail Mary to find someone that Steve could care about and that would care enough about Steve to make him see he didn’t need the war. He was important just being where he was, being who he was.

It was a little more than that though. Even if Bucky would never admit it to anyone, receiving the orders scared him. It was happening. He was actually going to war, and just for tonight, he hoped to forget that fact for a little while. He needed to forget, in a way, Steve couldn’t help him. Even if a part of Bucky wanted nothing more than to let him. It was a line neither of them had come close to crossing, and as much as Bucky wanted too, he doubted they ever would. So he brought the girls along. Though he hadn’t told Steve that until the two of them arrived at the expo.

Steve had been moping for the past couple of hours before getting to the expo. Bucky had been doing his best to cheer him up, talking about Stark Industries and what he hoped they were going to see. He knew it wasn’t Steve’s biggest interest but usually, Bucky’s enthusiasm was infectious. Not tonight though.

Bucky stuffed his hands into his pockets as they walked up to the Stark Expo, talking to Steve about all the reasons he should be happy he was staying home.

“You’re about to become the last eligible man in New York,” he reasoned. “You know there are three and a half million women here.”

“Hell, I’d settle for just one.”

Bucky could hear the slight smile in his friend's voice as he spotted the women at the entrance. He put on a big smile, waving at them as he answered Steve.

“Good thing I took care of that,” he answered, feeling Steve’s eyes glare holes in the side of his face, but he didn’t look over. He knew Steve hated when he set him up, but more than that he was afraid to look over and see the disappointment on his best friend’s face that it wasn’t just going to be the two of them tonight.

“Hi, Bucky,” one of the women answered seconds before Steve practically groaned at him.

“What did you tell them about me?” Steve asked, and Bucky knew it was safe to look over, only to see the slight annoyance remaining on his face.

“Only the good stuff,” Bucky teased before they reached the women. Bucky quickly introduced them to Steve as Connie and Bonnie and Bucky took Connie’s hand. She had been in a few of his classes before he enlisted. He knew she would love this place, and he also knew she was an amazing girl. She could be a temporary distraction though he wouldn’t mind writing her if she allowed him to be his distraction while he was gone. Maybe he could even see her when the war was over. Someone he could come home to and start a life with. He sent Steve a wink before heading inside with her, hoping he and the blonde would hit it off. Someday some woman was bound to see what Bucky saw, and he hoped it would be tonight, even if part of him just wished the world was different.

He grinned as the excitement filled Connie’s face as the voices sounded from the stage, and he let her practically drag him after her towards the stage. He loved that about her. He loved how easily excited she got about things and how she always wanted him to involve him in it.  

He hoped that even if this wasn’t normally Steve’s sort of thing he would still have fun or at least hang in there until it was time to go dancing. Maybe today was the day Steve would join in the fun instead of sitting in the corner watching the world around him. Bucky wished he would loosen up a little, even if just for one night. Even if it were for no other reason than his own peace of mind that Steve would be alright without him.

Bucky’s face broke into a huge smile as he saw the stage. Howard Stark was a genius. Getting to go to an expo like this was like a dream come true. Another dream Bucky one day hoped would come true was working behind the scenes of it. He loved science and progress. It amazing him what people much brighter than himself were able to come up with.

He had said that to Steve once and gotten chewed out for it. As the thought of that night entered his mind, his smile grew even brighter. In Steve’s mind, there was nothing Bucky couldn’t do and talking himself down was just not acceptable around his best friend. Bucky had been annoying about it in the moment, but he still loved Steve for his reaction. It helped him see himself in a different way than he usually did. Making Steve proud had somewhere along the way become more important to him than earning his own father’s approval.

However, as Stark started talking about flying automobiles, Bucky’s full attention went to the stage. He felt like a kid on Christmas Eve waiting for the sun to rise as Stark kept talking. He almost forgot to breathe when the car lifted off the stage hovering off the ground for a minute before crashing back down.

“I did say in a few years, didn’t I?” Stark joked, and Bucky huffed a laugh, looking back at Steve, wanting to share this moment with him on instinct. For a moment, he managed to forget that he would be far away from New York by this time tomorrow. He managed to forget his worries and fears right up until he looked back not long after as the show came to an end.

“Steve, what do you say we treat these girls to…” He stopped when Steve was nowhere to be found, and his heart clenched. He might have brought the girls along, but he wanted Steve with him tonight. He looked around to see the enlistment office across the show area. He knew on instinct it was where he was going to find Steve, so he excused himself from the girls with the promise to go dancing soon and went looking for his friend.

Bucky sighed in relief when he saw Steve standing outside the office still. He couldn’t help but smile a little when he saw him standing on the short platform that allowed visitors to see themselves in a uniform. He actually would love to to see Steve in one of those. He just rather not see him running guns blazing into a war, giving his reckless courage a chance to get him killed.

“Come on,” Bucky gave Steve a playful push on the shoulder to gain his attention. “You’re kinda missing the point of a double date. I told the girls we’re taking them dancing.” Bucky talked fast, hoping his stream of words would somehow talk Steve out of what he already knew he was going to do. At the very least for tonight. Bucky wasn’t sure he was quite ready to say goodbye to Steve yet. Not when he still could get a few hours with him before he had no choice but to leave him behind.

“You go ahead. I’ll catch up with you,” Steve obviously lied, it made Bucky hurt. Steve had never been a good liar, but he had also never lied so blatantly to Bucky before. He hated it. He hated it so much, the anger slipped into his voice when he spoke.

“You’re really gonna do this again,” Bucky glared at Steve, who didn’t budge.

“Well, it’s a fair. I’m gonna try my luck,” he answered, not really looking at Bucky. He knew Steve didn’t want a fight, and honestly neither did he. His anger and fear just got the best of him. So he snapped.

“As who? Steve from Ohio? They’ll catch you. Or worse, they’ll actually take you,” Bucky knew those words were going to hurt Steve. He had never hidden how bad of an idea he thought it was for Steve to try and enlist, but he had also never put it nearly as blunt before.

Steve tried to hide how hurt he was, not looking up at Bucky as he tried to explain himself. “Look, I know you don’t think I can do this…”

“This isn’t a back alley, Steve. It’s a war,” Bucky interrupted. He wasn’t trying to hurt Steve. Hell, he never wanted to do that, but he’d rather his words hurt him than a bullet in a foreign European country took Steve’s life.  

“I know it’s war.” Steve sounded calmer than ever while Bucky was starting to raise his voice a little, desperate for Steve to see all that Bucky wanted, all he had ever wanted, was to keep Steve safe.

“Why are you so keen to fight? There are so many important jobs,” Bucky hissed at him. Safe jobs were what he wanted to say. Jobs that wouldn’t get Steve killed and would ensure he was there for Bucky to come home too when this damn war was won.

“What do you want me to do? Collect scrap metal in my little red wagon?” Steve gave back, the annoyance starting to become clearer in his voice.

“Yes! Why not?” Bucky answered, knowing how ridiculous he sounded to someone like Steve. Being someone who always did the right thing and stood up to bullies. This was who Steve had always been and Bucky knew it. The thought of losing him just scared him. This wasn’t a guy trying to steal his lunch money. This was thousands of guys with guns, happy to kill the little guy that couldn’t defend himself just because he wore the wrong colors.  

“I’m not gonna sit in a factory,” Steve objected, much to Bucky’s growing frustration.

“I don’t…” Bucky started but stopped when Steve raised his voice. He rarely did, so Bucky knew the battle was lost. Hell, he knew that before he started, but fear hadn’t let him admit that until now.

“Bucky. Bucky come on! There are men laying down their lives. I’ve got no right to do any less than them. That’s what you don’t understand. This isn’t about me.” Steve was good at giving speeches like that. He was good at making people listen and see his side of things, but Bucky knew this wasn’t all it was about. He knew and understood Steve a lot better than his friend gave him credit for.

“Right,” Bucky answered glaring at him. “‘Cause you got nothing to prove.” The tension was thick between the two men, and Bucky fought the urge to shake Steve and tell him all he wanted was for him to stay safe. All he wanted was for both of them to have lives to live when this war was over. He didn’t though, and the tension was broken by Connie yelling at him from across the road.

“Hi, Sarge! Are we going dancing?” she called, and Bucky turned around putting on his happy face.

“Yes, we are.” He held out his hands to the side, giving her a slight smile before returning his attention to Steve. The stubborn look on his best friend’s face made him see he had lost this one. He just hoped the enlistment officers wouldn’t ever get desperate enough to actually take him.

Bucky sighed, shaking his head, not looking directly at Steve anymore. It hurt too much to say goodbye like this. He shouldn’t have fought him. Their last words shouldn’t have been spoken in anger.

“Don’t do anything stupid until I get back,” Bucky tried to lighten his tone as he backed up, but gave Steve a look to tell him he was serious. He wanted Steve to know that no matter what was said between him, he would always love him, and he would always have his back.

“How can I?” The playfulness in Steve’s voice made Bucky stop from turning around. “You’re taking all the stupid with you.”

Bucky held back his emotions. Not sure if it was tears or laughter, but he stalked back towards Steve.

“You’re a punk,” he said fondly, the same relief he saw on Steve’s face mirrored on his own as he hugged him, smiling at Steve’s response.

Even if it were for no other reason than his own peace of mind that Steve would be alright without him.

“Jerk.”

Bucky couldn’t hold Steve like he wanted too. They were standing in the middle of the street, but at the very least he got to say goodbye properly even if the night was too short lived for his liking. He hated having to say goodbye at all, but he was happy Steve wasn’t coming with him.

“Careful,” Steve said giving Bucky’s hand a small squeeze before he could back away. All Bucky could do was smile. If he spoke now he was sure his voice was going to fail him. Which was also why the only response he had to Steve calling out after him, “don’t win the war till I get there,” was a salute.

Bucky turned around, blinking hard to chase the tears away and forced a smile on his face before he reached the girls, wrapping his arm around Connie’s waist as he did.

“Come on, girls. They are playing our song,” he playfully flirted, while every fiber of his being was screaming at him to go back to Steve and convince him to come back home with him, to convince him that one more secret between them might not be so bad, but he didn’t. He danced with the girls, and he went home with Connie. She helped him forget, and when the morning sun rose, he kissed her goodbye with the promise he was going to write her.

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When They Had Nothing

@barnesrogersvstheworld @verarocks @littlebitcrazy

[joaquinwhorres]

For Every Christmas Eve (Steve Harrington x Reader)

Summary: It’s the annual family Christmas Eve Party, and your date is a little late. Again.  (Sort of a sequel to “Just for Christmas Eve”)

Pairing: Steve Harrington x Henderson!Reader

Word Count: 2,269

Author’s Note: I know there was no huge clamoring for a sequel to “Just for Christmas Eve”, but it's Christmas, and I wanted to write a little cute something to commemorate.

Warnings: None!

You looked up at the clock for what must have been the eighth time in the past fifteen minutes.

7:30.

He was late.

"Y/N, you need to relax. You're making me nervous," your cousin chided. "I'm sure he's on his way."

"You're right," you nodded—probably more than you should have. "I know you're right." There was a thump from outside, and your head shot to the door which still remained closed.

Your cousin let out a frustrated sigh and walked away from you. You felt a little guilty for wearing on your family's nerves, but it was snowing so hard out, and you had a sinking feeling that he wouldn't make it. The snow had already prevented him from getting in from college once. Apparently he had missed the last bus out of Terre Haute and had been stranded there for the past week. Today was the first ticket out he'd been able to snag, and even so, just because he made it into Hawkins didn't mean he'd make it across town to your family's party. Some members of your family (who didn't come in a few days early like your Aunt had suggested upon seeing the forecast) had even cancelled.

"Here," your aunt shoved a cup of egg nog in your hand before wrapping an arm around your shoulders and guiding you back to the living room. "Drink this. Come sit on the couch. Stop worrying so much."

"That's like asking Y/N to be less Y/N. Worrying is what she does," your other cousin teased from under the comfort of her husband's arm.

You sank down into the couch with your egg nog and scowled at her.

You tried to relax just to spite her. It didn't work. You got up again and tried pacing to wear off your energy. It didn't work. Finally, you reached into the closet and pulled out your coat.

"Y/N," your cousins groaned.

"I'm just taking a walk," you raised your hands briefly before returning to buttoning up your coat. "I just—want to see how bad it is out there."

"You are not going outside in this weather at this time at night," your mother said through pursed lips. "We don't need you ending up like Tews."

"I'll be fine," you sighed, pulling on your mittens. "I just want to see."

"I'm coming with you!" Your brother jumped up, scrambling over to the closet.

"Dusty!" your mom called out.

"I'll protect her," your brother gestured with his head to you. "Who knows what she'll do in this crazed state."

You shot a glare at him from underneath your hat and only broke it to face the door. You wrenched it open and came face to face with a shivering and snow covered Steve Harrington.

"Steve!" you cried out, throwing yourself at him and wrapping your arms around him.

"Thank the Lord!" your Aunt Veronica praised from behind you. If you had to guess it was more to do with you no longer going crazy out of your mind and less to do with Steve's safe arrival.

"Steve!" Your brother echoed you, hurling himself at the two of you and your small group staggered back as the three of you clutched at each other.

"Come in and shut the door!" Aunt Patricia called to you, and you released Steve, backing away and forcing Dustin off of him as well. The three of you tramped in doors, shaking the snow off of you from the brief stint outside and unwrapping yourself. Steve closed the door behind him, and his movements were stiff as he took off his duffle bag, boots, coat, scarf, gloves, and hat. You took each article of clothing, hanging them up in the closet and just beaming at him.

"Hi, everybody," Steve greeted with a rigid wave. A chorus of greetings rose up to greet him before the rest of your family returned to their conversations and being thankful that you were no longer being a distracting source of anxiety. You once more wrapped your arms around Steve's middle, tucking yourself under his arm.

"You're late," you chided lightly, looking up at him.

He reached down, brushing a strand of hair behind your ear. "Dustin said 7:30 this year."

Your head whipped around to glare at your brother, whose hands were up in defense immediately. Steve barked out a laugh.

"Dude, not cool. She's been driving us all crazy for the past half an hour," Dustin said.

"Sorry," Steve apologized. "The roads were really bad. We made it in late, and I thought it would be faster to walk here than hitch a ride to my house and then try and drive over."

"You walked?" you almost screeched.

This caught your family's attention. "Bring that boy over to the fire," Aunt Veronica commanded.

"I'm fine," Steve waved off. "Really." He looked down at you. "Just glad to finally be here. Sorry I'm late."

You shook your head. "I'm just glad you're here."

"Me too," Dustin said, coming in for the group hug again, and you and Steve let him in.

Once Steve had warmed up sufficiently and shoved about twelve thumbprint cookies into his mouth, you deemed it safe to let him out of your sight. Which Dustin was more than happy about, shouldering Steve's duffle bag and pulling Steve out of the room and claiming they had some "business to attend to," which was typical. While you and Steve spoke every night at college, you knew he and Dustin only got to talk once every week or two, not due to lack of desire on either side but the stupid idea that it'd be weird to call another guy more often than that.

As a result, you ended up having to share Steve more than you wanted on your breaks. But, since Dustin was kind of sort of the reason the two of you were together in the first place, you tried not to get too bitter about it.

"So," your cousin Sarah said, sitting down next to you on the couch. "Now that you're not being crazy, I can ask questions."

"When has anything ever stopped you from asking questions," you rolled your eyes.

"Ha. Ha," Sarah retorted, "How's college?"

"Good. I'm ready to be done," you sighed. It was true. For some reason you had thought the hardest part of college would be getting in and after that it would get harder in the same linear fashion as middle and high school.

It didn't. College got exponentially harder.

It was hard to get in with a full ride.

It was harder to say goodbye to your friends and family.

It was harder to pass your weed out classes with good enough grades to keep your scholarship.

It was harder to make friends.

It was harder to officially get into your major.

It was harder to take care of your drunk roommate.

It was harder to keep your GPA up.

But the hardest part was being away from Steve and not being able to share all of these things with him. Sure, you could talk about them, and he'd been up to visit you, and you'd been down to visit him, but it wasn't the same.

Soon, though, soon it would be over.

"Yeah? Do you know what you're doing once you're done?"

"Coming back to Hawkins and figuring things out. Maybe start applying to engineering jobs here."

Sarah nodded. "And what about you and Steve?"

"He's also coming back here. I think he wants to talk to Hopper about some opportunities to join the force."

"Hmm," Sarah hummed. "What's his major again?"

"Psychology," you supplied.

Sarah nodded again. "And the two of you?"

"So, what are we talking about?" Steve asked, dropping into the seat next to you and handing you a glass of egg nog. You thanked him with a peck to his cheek.

"Nothing," your cousin waved a hand. "Just catching up about college." She gave a fake smile, and you shot her a questioning look.

"I'm going to go check on Bill. This is the third time Uncle Roy's cornered him," Sarah rose from the couch, patting your knee.

"What was that about?" Steve murmured, and you turned back to look at him, shrugging.

"I have absolutely no idea," you shook your head. Steve smiled, holding your gaze. There was something about his look that was different.

"What?" you smiled back.

"You're just beautiful," he said with a small shake of his head. "And I missed you."

You flushed. Four years of dating and he could still fluster you. "I missed you too." You leaned forward and planted a chaste kiss on his lips.

"Save the kissing for the mistletoe!" your cousin called out, and you snorted.

"Want to go find some mistletoe?" Steve asked, and you nodded, getting up from the couch with your hand in his.

Your family formed a circle around the living room for the exchanging of the Christmas Eve presents. Every year with the addition of each new family member from John's wife Anne, to Rebecca's husband Nate, and Sarah's fiancee Bill, and now Andrew's girlfriend Emma, the exchange grew longer and longer to the point where they could no longer stand unwrapping one gift at a time, but instead Dustin facilitated the handing out of gifts and you all unwrapped and thanked all at once.

All in all, it was a pretty good system. There were no more awkward moments of the rest of the family witnessing an inside joke gift, and the faster the presents were done, the faster you were able to get to the Christmas movie which was your favorite part.

Steve loved your flask. Dustin was pumped over his new set of dice. Your Christmas Eve gift to your mother had been some new toys for Trixie–the new cat–and she was already putting them to use.

The rest of the family was likewise absorbed in tearing wrapping paper, throwing tissue paper, and ripping open packages. Nobody gave much thought to anybody else until Rebecca brought the party to a pause.

"Uhh, thank you, Steve?" Rebecca announced, and you turned to look at what he'd given her, your eyes landing on a beautiful diamond ring. The whole room paused as Dustin's eyes widened and he looked from Rebecca to Steve and then to you. Steve went white and looked from Rebecca to Dustin and back to Rebecca. The rest of your family's eyes were on Steve.

"That's uh…actually for…uh…"

She held it out to him, a smug grin growing as he took it from his fingers and turned to you, his eyes closed as he took a deep breath and got down on one knee.

He got down. On. One. Knee.

You felt as if all of the air had left your body and your heart had stopped. You couldn't move. Instead, you were focused on your boyfriend's anxious face as he kneeled before the couch.

"Y/N," he started, shaking the ring a little bit. "I…uh…I planned a bunch of things to say, and I practiced the entire time I was walking over here, but I can't remember any of it."

Your uncles chuckled a bit at this, and Bill wrapped an arm around Sarah, pulling her in to kiss the top of her hair.

"I don't really know what I was thinking doing this in front of your family." More of your family laughed at this. "Or asking Dustin to help me since obviously he doesn't listen about which gift is for which person." You cracked a smile at this one.

"But it made sense to do this here, because this is where we started," Steve said, gaining steam, and you nodded along with him. "I was freaking out as much as you were that night because not only did I have to pretend to your family that I was your boyfriend—

"I knew it!" Rachel muttered, and Rebecca reached over, smacking her arm.

"but I also had to pretend that I didn't want to be or at least that I didn't like you as much as I did. And that seemed impossible."

Your heart had restarted and was starting to beat fast.

"Because you're the most amazing person I've ever met in my entire life. You're beautiful and smart and kind and you care so much about literally everything," you laughed, hanging your head. It was a sweet way of saying that you freaked out too much, but you'd take it.

"You're the reason I went to college, and you're the reason I've gotten by the last four years. Because even when you're exhausted and have your own sh–stuff to do, you still will get on the phone with me and help me."

"That's adorable," your aunt Veronica whispered to your mother.

"You make me want to be better and you make me believe I can be better. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me, and I'd be the biggest idiot if I didn't ask…so, Y/N Henderson, will you be my date for every Christmas Eve for the rest of our lives?"

You were crying, and you were sure that there were some others in the room who were too because that was the best proposal anybody could have ever asked for.

"Yes," you whispered, nodding. "Yes, yes, yes," you leaned down and kissed him, and there was a cheer around the room, as somebody scrambled to their feet.

"I got the champagne!" Dustin shouted, as you released Steve, looking at his eyes which were also brimming with tears.

"Merry Christmas, Y/N."

"Merry Christmas, Steve."

Tags: @oomylifeiseternalsufferingoo @katethemandrake @coolyoungbouquetdestinylove @stay-wokke @morgandakotaq @panda0192 @spacedoutsher @disneykidafi @myteenwolf-world @eggshapeddank @lemonchapstick @pity-mee @bands-and-shietz @dontneedbiologytoadopt

[fanficwriter013]

Kumi Told Me Not to Break Her But I Did That Shit Anyway

Title: The Angst Train (IDK, change later)

Pairing: Bucky X Reader

Summary: Inspired by Fall Out Boy’s Miss Missing You.  It’s mostly Angst, I don’t even have a summary for this. Flashback in italics.

Word Count: 3431

Warnings: ANGST, a shooting, triggering episode, Winter Soldier, Violence.

A/N: So in writing this not only do I break my unscheduled creative hiatus (I blame writer’s block), but I’m also revealing a secret identity. This is all for the death of @mellifluous-melodramas

Your whole body ached. Your eyelids felt as if someone had tied 60 pound weights to them, breathing was done in short quick bursts so as to to agitate the handful of cracked ribs you'd sustained on the mission. Clint was flying the quinjet, or at least he was sitting in the pilot's seat. It'd been you, Clint and Sam on this mission and you were all pretty beat up. Sam had a gash on his forehead that had needed stitches, you'd done it before the post-adrenaline crash had occurred. Now all you wanted was to go home, get a shower, and cuddle up to your boyfriend and fall asleep watching tv.

It hadn't been easy starting a relationship with the former Winter Soldier. There had been a lot of hot and cold moments from that man. He would either flirt with you relentless or wouldn't acknowledge your presence. You hadn't let that stop you, you were naturally sarcastic and would turn to that whenever Bucky was pretending you didn't exist.

The guys had gone out to a bar for a well deserved guy's night. You'd opted for the couch potato option. Clothes in the comfiest clothes you owned, and surrounded by a mountain of junk food, you mindlessly munched while you binge-watched a show on the big screen on the common floor.

You hadn't realized how late it had gotten until the boys returned home. You'd been alerted to their presence by Clint's loud giggling, that could only mean he was drunk. You heard some shushes, as Steve hustled everyone onto the common floor. No doubt in search of water to combat everyone's undeniable hangover. Clint and Sam fell, giggling onto the couch where you’d been curled up.

“I see we all had a fun time out tonight.” You commented, getting up to help Steve find water bottles for everyone.

“It was like herding cats, (Y/N).” Steve hissed, when you stepped into the kitchen. He was pinching the bridge of his nose, and sounded exhausted.

“So, I'll help you put the cats to bed and then you could go to bed.” You told him, grabbing out an armful of water bottles from the fridge, and turning back to see if Steve was ready. He gave an exasperated sigh and followed you out into the living room.

“Bedtime, kiddos.” You said, grabbing Clint by the arm and pulling him up off the couch. Steve grabbed Sam first, and then went to get Bucky who was sitting in the recliner.

“I’m not tired, Stevie.” He slurred, and Steve backed down. You muscled Clint, and Steve manhandled Sam into the elevator, and then put them down in their beds. When you left you reminded Clint to drink his water, or he would feel it tomorrow. You said goodnight to Steve and went back to finish the episode you had been watching.

After a few moments of watching the figures on the screen move, you became aware of the weight of a gaze laying upon you. You subtlety flicked your eyes in Bucky's direction, and sure enough he was watching you and not the tv.

“Something on my face, Barnes?” You questioned, turning to give him your attention. His gaze remained trained on you, like a sniper focusing on his target. But his face softened when he smiled at you.

“No, it's just radiantly beautiful.” He sounded more like himself. You flashed him a bright smile, wheels turning to come up with a witty response.

“Thanks, your’s isn't ridiculously painful to look at either.” Was the response that fell out of your mouth. It was good enough to earn you a soft chuckle, and you'd die to hear more of that noise. Hell, you'd die to see more of this carefree, peaceful man in front of you.

“You drive me insane, and you don't even have the slightest idea what you do to me.” It was a statement that could turn this conversation real heavy, and in just a few milliseconds. You decided you were going to jump off that ledge, consequences be damned.

“So, why don't you ask me out, Barnes? I think I've made my flirting just about as obvious as a brick wall. What's stopping you?” You asked, there were several reasons you could think of. But what did this beautifully damaged man have going on inside his head? You watched him struggle for a minute to come up with a good answer.

“I'll be real honest here, I couldn't lie even if I wanted to with this much alcohol coursing through my system.” He paused, trying to make light of the situation and to compose himself. “The Winter Soldier.” That answer hit you like a ton of bricks. Your mind whirled, trying to find the proper words to say, and to convey your feelings.

“I have a lot to say, so let me start with. That wasn't you, that was conditioning. You've never done anything to hurt me, and you never would. I trust you explicitly. Have you saved my ass out in the field? More times than I can count, and you know how much I like my ass. This,” you pause to gesture between the two of you. “Can't go anywhere without communication. And let me tell you, I'm a consenting adult. If I say that I want a relationship with you, which I do, it's with all the pieces of you. Including your Winter Soldier past, emphasis on the past part. Alright, I'll shut up now.” Your voice had an edge in it, you always got very defensive when it came to the whole misconception of the Winter Soldier being a villain. The man behind the mask wasn't a villain he was a victim, and now he was looking at you like you had twelve heads.

“And if I'm triggered?” He asks, the other question is there. Could you do what needed to be done given a mental apocalypse was occurring. Again, your mind was running a million miles a minute.

You stood up, stepping around the coffee table. You stop in front of Bucky, placing an arm on either armrest and lean into his personal space. “Honey, I would take a bullet for you. We'll cross the bridge if it ever happens.” You tell him, and apparently that answer satisfies the man because he reaches up, pulling you forward by the shirt to capture your lips with his own.

When you woke up the next morning, you weren't sure if Bucky would remember what had happened between the two of you. But when you rolled over, almost hitting him in the process, he was already awake and watching you.

“I was afraid the alcohol had made me dream up last night, couldn't open my eyes to check either. If it had been a dream, and I'd opened my eyes it would have come to an end. That might have killed me, doll.” He says, and your first instinct is sarcasm.

“Who knew that James Buchanan Barnes could be so sappy?” You teased and he laughed pushing your shoulder. “Don't knock me out of my own bed.” You joke, grabbing onto his arm to regain your balance.

“Like I'd ever let you fall. Been there, done that, got the metal arm to prove it.” He jokes, and you can’t believe that he’s in a place where he can joke about the event that started his decades of pain.

Ever since that night, the two of you were a thing. Bucky was caring and gentle, and you were sarcastic and goofy. It was a good partnership, and after the hard mission you’d just been on. You wanted your cuddle buddy, and some much needed sleep. Which was a whole lot closer than you thought it was, as Clint parked the quinjet in the hangar of the Tower. You shuffled off to the elevator, sharing with Sam, down to the floor you shared with Bucky.

Stepping off the elevator, you realized instantly that something was off. Normally, Bucky would be waiting for you on the couch. He’d have a first aide kit, and snacks for whatever you wanted to fall asleep watching. Now, he wasn’t on the couch. You shuffled into the kitchen, to find that empty, too. You sighed, deciding to go take your shower and just go to bed.

When you walked into the bedroom, you felt the cold predatory presence before you saw him. Bucky’s worst nightmare was coming true. The man you loved was being piloted by the Winter Soldier, and he was aiming a gun at you. You put your hands up, keeping steady eye contact with the dead gaze of the Winter Soldier. You knew there was only one hope of a solution, finishing the mission. It was clear that that mission was you.

“Buck, I know you're in there. It's not your fault. I love you, sweetheart. But you gotta finish the mission.” You said, taking slow deliberate steps toward the Winter Soldier. He allowed you to approach until the cold muzzle of his pistol was situated in the middle of your chest.

“I'm the mission, finish it.” You stated, staring into the ice cold stare of the man that you'd take a bullet for. It was a shame that he was behind the trigger. “Bucky, I love you. Don't fight him, it's not your fault. It'll be okay.” You said, and you heard the gunfire. In the next second, the pain exploded in your chest like a shockwave and you crumpled to the floor.

You were vaguely aware of heavy footsteps stepping over you, before the pain became too much for you and you succumbed to the darkness.

Bucky’s POV (First person):

He had killed her, the monster that HYDRA made. With her final breath went my will to live. I wanted control over my body again, but what could I do. Hold her lifeless body and picture all the missed moments we had. How we'd never get married, nor would we have a family together. There would be no house with a white picket fence, and children running around the yard. There would be only pain.

He steps over her as she struggles, he doesn't even stop to confirm death. Just stalks over top of her, out into the living room she'd decorated. There should have been a protocol put in place for this, FRIDAY should be able to lock down the Tower. Instead, he jams the up button. I'm not even sure of all the details of this mission, but obviously they thought killing (Y/N) wouldn't be enough to break me. How wrong they were.

The Winter Soldier gets into the elevator, pressing the button for the gym. I know that the only person at the gym now is Steve. They either want him dead or alive.

He gets off the elevator, the only sounds coming from flesh hitting sand filled bags. Steve must be upset about something, won't he be in for a surprise when the Winter Soldier shows up. He stalks into the gym without saying a word.

“Hey, Buck what's - FRIDAY.” Steve calls as he realizes that the body in front of him is the Winter Soldier. Good for that little punk, only took fifteen seconds. He's shooting at Steve, they must want him dead too. Because they haven't taken everything from me already. Steve jumps into the air twirling and landing on my body's shoulders. He uses the momentum to knock it over, and even hits my head against the floor hard enough to cause a concussion.

That makes him mad. He kicks Steve off my body and gets back to his, my, feet. Both take defensive stances, but he is more animal than Steve could be. They go back and forth, Steve lands a hit and then he gets one on Steve. It seems to be an even fight, until the elevators open and Sam, Clint and Natasha get off it. Nat's face is angry, and she charges for the Winter Soldier. Pulling her signature thigh grab move, and it, we, go down hard. Steve runs over to hit my head on the floor again, and we black out.

The first thing I'm aware of when I come to is the headache. In the next second, I've relived what's happened and my eyes snap open trying to sit straight up in the bed they've put me in, but a hand stops me.

I look up at Steve. “(Y/N)?” I ask, and Steve sighs. He doesn't want to tell me. My eyes dart around the room, they've placed me in one of the medical suites. I caught a glimpse of movement but the door, and look as Bruce walks into the room. He looks like he's been up most of the night.

“We did some brain scans, had Wanda search through your head, too. And we're still not sure how you were triggered. We need you another hour for observation, but then you're free to go.” Bruce says, turning to leave. I almost let him, but if Steve won't tell me. Maybe Bruce will.

“(Y/N)?” I question again, and Bruce visibly stiffens. He turns back around and there's a fire in his eyes.

“I reviewed the footage, she knew what she was doing. Still had her suit on.” I didn't know what the suit had to do with - Oh, the suit was bullet proof. “Her sternum is broken, along with half a dozen ribs but she's going to be okay.” Bruce explained, and it felt like I could finally breath again.

Your POV:

The first thing you were aware of was the hands, the next was the pain. Someone, probably Bruce, was examining you. If you thought it hurt to breathe before, now every attempt at getting air was met with the pain of fiery hot lava. You groaned trying to sit up, you needed to know what had happened. But Bruce held you down.

“Bucky?” You asked, finally cracking an eyelid to watch his face. But you wished you hadn't. Bruce had that grim, ‘this is a disaster’ look on his face.

“The Winter Soldier went after Steve, who took him down with Nat's help. He should be waking up any second now.” Bruce says, using FRIDAY to take an X-Ray of your chest. “But you're not going anywhere, while that suit may be bullet proof it still did some damage. Cracked sternum along with 6 ribs.” He explained, and you glared at him.

“I had at least 3 of those from the mission. I need to see him.” Your voice had a desperate air to it. But you did need to see him, he more than likely thought you were dead and was going to be in shut down mode.

“He can come to see you, after we observe him for an hour. In the meantime, do you want any pain medication?” Bruce asked, and you shook your head. You hated the way those made you feel, you'd rather deal with the pain. “Alright, try and get some rest.” Bruce says, as he walks out the door.

“FRIDAY, playback.” You said, you were going to figure out where this all went wrong. Even if it killed you.

It'd been the longest hour of your entire life, you'd watched the footage about a dozen times and you still couldn't pinpoint a trigger. It was just one second he was Bucky and the next he was the Asset.

And then an hour turned into two, and if you weren't worried before you were in maximum overdrive now. “FRIDAY, get Steve.” You called, sitting up slowly. You turned your legs to hang over the side of the bed, and tested your body weight on them. That was when Steve walked in.

“What do you think you're doing?” It was both Dad voice and Cap voice. He was at your side before you could blink, taking most of your weight from you.

“I need to see him.” You panted, every movement was met with sharp stabbing pains. “Bruce said he'd be released an hour ago.” You explained, and Steve examined you before scooping you up in his arms.

“Doing okay?” He asked, and you nodded. “Let me know if I'm hurting you.” He says, and you nod again. He takes you back to the catalyst of this very event, your shared floor with Bucky. He isn't waiting for you on the couch, but you know this is different. Steve takes you directly into the bedroom, where Bucky is packing his stuff like a wild animal.

“Hey.” You call to him, as Steve puts you down on the bed and quickly leaves. “Where do you think you're going? Better not be without me.” It's accusatory, but also ending in a joke. Like you always do. Bucky looks up at you, his red stained blue eyes dragging over your body. He flinches when you take a breath and wince.

“I hurt you, and so I'm leaving.” The way he says it is so cold and decisive. You sit up, moving to get up. A cold glare stops you in your tracks. You shake your head.

“Cut that bullshit out right now, James.” Using his first name seems to get to him. “You didn't shoot me, that was the Winter Soldier. But if you, James Buchanan Barnes, leave me now you will break me. I knew what I was doing when I told you to shoot me, I was prepared for the cracked ribs, what's a couple more anyway. I told you I'd take a bullet for you, and I did. If that doesn't tell you plain as day that I love you, then I can't stop you from leaving.” His face was unreadable, holding you under the microscope inspection of his gaze. You stared back at him, it wasn't like you could go anywhere if you wanted. That speech had left you winded, and your ribcage was screaming at you for disturbing it.

“What kind of reckless idiot would literally take a bullet for someone?” Bucky finally asks, in a teasing tone. You smirk at him, as the perfect answer pops into your mind.

“Steve.” You say, and Bucky chuckles as he shakes his head at you. “Steve would do the same thing I did, but without bulletproofing. I'm not an idiot, and I'm not reckless either. That was calculated.” You explain, and Bucky tosses his duffel bag into the corner of the room. He sits down on the foot of the bed, as if he's afraid to touch you.

“Don't ever do that to me again.” It's so soft, you almost aren't sure he said it. He turns to glare you down again. “All the things HYDRA did to me can never, will never compare to the way I felt when I thought he killed you. And I know that I wouldn't be able to handle losing you. So you better get your shit together, and cut that bullshit out. We've got a future to make together, one that can only be made if you are still breathing.” He rants, placing a hand on your leg.

“Sappy Barnes strikes again, now come here you big lunk. We've got Netflix to watch before I fall asleep.” You said, smiling at him. He complies, crawling into the bed, and arranging you so you're comfortable but not in any excess pain.

“Hey, wait a second. Did you just talk about our future in the most nonchalant way possible? Mister 40s value man. What are you saying?” You ask, grabbing the Stark pad to control the tv. Bucky twirls a finger in your hair, giving you a sly smile.

“I'm saying that we should get married.” The subtle way he said those lifestyle nuke words, had your heart racing. Between that and the sternum fracture you thought you might pass out. He gave you an expecting look, confirming it to be a question rather than the statement he'd made it out to be.

“I wanna make a joke about the sudden change in your demeanor, but I want to say yes, first.” You said, smiling brightly at him. He looked at you like he expected no less than one joke. “So that was just your reenactment of the Runaway Bride?” You snarled, and he laughed before leaning down to give you a gentle kiss.

Sometimes the person you'd take a bullet for is the one behind the trigger, or maybe sometimes it's the catalyst to the beginning of a happily ever after.

Tag list: @graysonmalfoy @dontyouforgetaboutme

[saltyobjecttheorist]

Close Reading ‘The Path’ Season 1 Episode 1.

This is not really a recap. More of a series of observations regarding the storytelling, symbolism, and subliminal foreshadowing in The Path.

 I’m not an academic and this may all be obvious stuff to you guys but the show made an impression on me for its use of visual symbolism. I thought I’d start at the beginning but I’ll be referencing future plot lines and episodes. There is a LOT of foreshadowing in this series, appropriate given that prophesy is a major theme and I will be talking about what is being foreshadowed. so if you haven’t watched both seasons you might want to stay away from spoilers. 

 For more erudite discussion of symbolism on the show please see the wonderful @theyellowsnake who says all perfectly. 

So The First Episode of Season one of the The Path is pretty much the perfect Pilot. It sets the scene and leaves you hungry for more.

There is a little too much exposition in there . But it also, almost subliminally,  tells you everything you need to know about… Well… Everything. Every twist, every character, every hidden agenda is right there in the pilot. If you’re looking closely enough. 

SPOILERS from here on in folks. For both Season 1 and 2.

Intro Scene: Rindge Trailer Park.  

The Trailer Park. Symbol of American poverty, destroyed by a literal act of God.

The ‘ Church of Faith’ sign, Church destroyed, useless and empty

The Schoolbus on its side destroyed.

Both Church and School as institutions have failed this society, a ruined society as symbolised by the trailer park. They are unable to offer sanctuary or comfort to these people. They have not been able to fulfil their purpose. IE. to prevent people from sliding to the bottom of the economic and spiritual ‘ladder’ in the first place.

A woman clutches her baby and literally cries “Somebody help me!” Into the chaos. “Oh God!”

We meet Mary. Crawling through the trash. She looks for water and finds antifreeze or similar poison.  She tries to drink again from a pipe and someone stops her, that water is also poison.

Poisoned water is a huge part of the Book of Revelation in regard to the Apocolypse.

“ Revelation 8:11

The name of the star is Wormwood. A third of the waters turned bitter like wormwood oil, and many people died from the bitter waters.”

We hear the sound of Horns. Like the horns of angels at Armageddon. ( Also Revelation 8-11)  It’s no wonder Mary later compares Cal to an angel.

Mary climbs the garbage heap. Metaphorically this is the start of he rise from the ashes of her old life. As well as an early climbing metaphor.  She sees Cal from the top of the trash mountain. This is their first moment of connection. Even though he doesn’t see her. Something about him is compelling to her.

Here come the Meyerists into this apocalyptic scene. But to them it’s no metaphor. They believe the end times are really coming. The Tornado is, for them, a real harbinger of doom.

Its a curious thing that when institutions fail people. When the Law, Healthcare, Schools and Church fail to provide what they should. That is when religious cults step in to fill the gap. This is well illustrated here.

Mary gets what she needs the most at the at moment. Not water (she barely drinks it). She gets her salvation, her Angel. We don’t know yet that she’s been waiting for him since she was a little girl. 

The Woman with the baby gets her prayer answered.

“What do you need’? Cal asks the shocky old man. He wants the picture of his wife- all he has left of her memory. Cal doesn’t try to get him to calm down. Or lead him away from the carnage like an EMT would. “Help this man find his wife!” He shouts, as though its the most important thing he can imagine. Because he knows in a spiritual sense , it really is.  In that moment the old man needs that scrap of paper more than water or medical care. 

The Meyerist eye is prominent. They “See” the people’s need. “Need” is often reference thought the series. “There is so much Need!” the characters say repeatedly.  The Church, the School, the Hospitals, the Society itself have all metaphorically failed us. 

We ( humans)  are let down in a spiritual sense by religion that offers no real substance, physically by bad or absent food and medicine, mentally by a schooling system that doesn’t educate the whole person. The list goes on. The Meyerists think they are the answer to this very real need. In this way the show is quite a scathing social commentary. 

As a viewer I’m subconsciously  pumping my fist in the air saying “ Yay Cult!” Although I don’t even realise how I’m being manipulated yet.

Animated Credits Scene:

Four figures climb a mountain, presumably this is an interpretation of Meyerism’s origin myth and the figures are Steve, Silas, Felicia and Bill. With Steve reaching enlightenment at the summit of Huayna Picchu. 

But there is an alternative interpretation: 

Look at the placements of the credits:

The close up of the climbing figure’s hands as he struggles up the rocks in the rain remind you of anything?  Mary’s climb up the garbage heap visually mirrors the climb in the intro. 

Emma Greenwell - Mary’s real name.

This is not an easy climb. Its a struggle. The man makes it to the top, stands at the summit and raises his arms in victory. He made it.

Hugh Dancy Cal’s real name. 

The figure could just as easily be Cal, who, like Mary ( except in a  more metaphorical sense), has struggled to the ‘top of the heap’ through his own personal suffering and stands victorious. Having finally made it into a position of power. This is one of many themes that connect Mary and Cal. (More on that later.) 

We see The Future : Tornado -Fire - Flood.

A Tornado ( the one that levels the trailer park.)  Is the opening of Season 1.

There is a prominent flash of lightning. Which is perhaps a portent to the lighting that scars Eddie and kills Steve.

The Fire ( Richard’s self immolation and burning of records room) closes Season 2.

The Flood… Could be foreshadowing of season 3. It seems to wash away the structure of the burning building. Much like the water scandal coverup helped wash away Sarah’s trouble regarding the blackmail ( using tapes Richard set on fire in same building). 

 Or it could be a symbolic flood washing away the movement forever?

We see the barns, the compound growing in size and number.

A figure running in room - Eddie in the therapy room?

Snake wrapped around Steve’s corpse. Open to interpretation as the Yellow snake symbolises psychic ability as well as betrayal in folklore. It also symbolises Cal at various points in the tale. (Hugh Dancy even starts to look snakelike toward the end of season 2.)  A lot has been said on this elsewhere. It is perhaps not an accident that is portrayed wrapped so closely around Steve. Snakes are rarely positive symbols to a western audience. In a religious context we are reminded of the serpent in Eden. ( More on that later too.) 

Speaking of Eden. Heres Adam and Eve. Or Eddie and Sarah or whichever archetype you choose. Accompanied by the name of the literal creator God of this particular universe: Jessica Goldberg. have I mentioned that I love symbolism?

Scene: Dinner at The Lanes:

Lane means Path… Glad thats out of the way. Now on to saying grace.

“Thank you for this gift of bread to sustain these vessels, our bodies, so that we may have the energy to create a more beautiful world and break through our blocks and barriers in this life and ascend the ladder of enlightenment so that someday we may be free of these earthly forms and live as light together in the garden. We express deepest gratitude for this day, and every day, for the gift of this passage, and that we found the ladder. There is one spirit whose name is Truth.”

So this sums up their whole belief system in a few seconds and its great because the show doesn’t hammer you over the head with the basic tennants every five minutes after that. they just assume you get it. It also has beauty and a sinister undertone, lets never forget that they’re a doomsday Cult.

But lets look closer:

“Give us this day our daily bread” says the Lords Prayer. The daily bread is just what sustains us for this  day. Its the bare minimum of care, which so many people don’t get.

And whom we see in this comfortable scene, the Lanes have a comfortable life, if not extravagant. They have what they need. Their needs are met.

Have you guys heard of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs?  it’s a motivational theory in psychology comprising a five tier model of human needs often depicted as hierarchical levels within a pyramid… Sound familiar? 

Someone Like Mary doesn’t even have the lowest level of needs met. She couldn’t even get clean water. Her basic safely was compromised and she was terribly abused by the people who should have loved her.

Sarah has her Psysiological, Safely and Love/Belonging needs met. It’s debatable if at this point in the series she has fully achieved the Esteem level but she’s well on her way there being an 8R and well respected within the community. It’s the last level. Self- Actualisation, which is problematic for her (and all the characters). Because its the level no Cult can allow its members to reach. Particularly that pesky ‘ Acceptance of Facts’ one.

Eddie, upon his return from Peru is struggling with this level. With his own Self-Actualisation. He knows his Esteem needs are at odds with the truth. And while he lives a ‘Life of Lies’ he isn’t getting his needs met. He NEEDS to live an authentic life. Its the only thing he can do. His ‘path’ leads toward truth one way or another. Hence the great irony of the Meyerist creed: “There is one spirit whose name is Truth.” … That, at least, is a lie. The Truth in this series is multifaceted and subjective. 

Cal pretends to be at the top ( of The Ladder and The Pyramid.) But he ascended in a dishonest way. Though nepotism, prostitution and maybe blackmail.

So while he struggles with morality, problem solving and the sad acceptance of facts he is also struggling with the Esteem level. He so desperately wants to be respected and he has no real confidence ( see his self help tapes for evidence.) And while he struggles with that he is also struggling with the Love/Belonging level. Because the one thing he really can’t have is intimacy. For reasons that later become clear. He is a lonely person. he has no real friends , no family and no sexual intimacy, ( he’s either a virgin or celibate when we meet him.) His image is one of a Self- Actualised leader. But he is living a lie. In truth he’s still a child desperate for safety.

In fact I speculate that the truth of the matter is that each Meyerist convert entered the Movement while struggling with Need. I think that If they left the movement they would revert back to the same point they entered it. Because the movement provides for them ( or should) but it doesn’t give them Self- Actualisation, which is what they need in order to be independent and masters of their own fate.  

So we have the usual Exposotional Dinner Talk. we learn that Eddies just back from Peru. Cal is coming, Steve is writing and Russell is a useless asshole. Also that for a person to ascend the latter all the way they probably shouldn’t get married. Hawk isn’t old enough to start the Ladder yet and everyone feels bad about the tornado.

We like these guys, weird Peruvian drug trip religion aside they seem like our kind of people. (Except Joy though , she’s goddam annoying.) We find ourselves identifying with and liking members of a closed religious cult. This is quite an achievement for the writers.

Sex Scene 1:

Until the slip scene. because no one in history, male or female has ever been aroused by a slip.

The sex though. is it necessary? Not really… But yes really. Much like in real life, the way people fuck on this show tells us a lot about their emotional state. Its code for all the things they can’t say.  If that happens to line up nicely with a networks desire for lots of sex on their show then… Cool I guess. Also. the eye is front and centre because Meyerism is at the centre of their personal life in an uncomfortably voyeristic way. No one has privacy in this place. Not really. There is a disturbing disrespect for boundaries within the extended Lane family and within Meyerism in general. and maybe cults in general too.

Eddie and Sarah are emotional sex havers. They laugh, they cry, they make eye contact. The whole things very uncomfortable for the viewer who may be watching with their parents, but very intimate. Contrast and compare:

Scene: Cal’s return:  

Cal. The no sex haver who reunites with old flame Sarah. He pretends to be over it. He isn’t. She broke his heart by leaving him for  Eddie when they were young. How young? We never know,  Eddie and Sarah were  likely in their mid- late teens when they Met. We don’t know how long Sarah and Cal were together or when they met.

Can we assume that they grew up on the compound together? I think so. Cal mentions to his mother on Episode 3 that, while they used to live in tents, they now have a campus. So he probably grew up there with Sarah, Russell and Tessa. But he’s been in California for three years happily avoiding the East Coast winters. ( he doesn’t like the cold because his drunken sot of a father did, in fact, keep him in a tent in the middle of winter.) Its perhaps worth noting here that he is returning to his childhood home. This is important because its where his neurosis re- surfaces. Its where his pain lives.

Anyway he meets Sarah, knows her well enough to see something wrong and immediately twists it to his advantage. Its the first, rather obvious , look at his manipulative personality. But he’s sincere when he says its good to see her. And that he’s going to “come stalk you , like old times.” He probably did too. hanging out with Eddie and Sarah to be close to her, or maybe to them both, for friendship but certainly with an agenda of infiltrating their relationship. Which is probably why Eddie doesn’t trust him. We don’t either. Because he’s always acting. Pretending to be someone he’s not (  Self- Actualised leader of men. ) We only rarely see glimpses of the real man beneath.

School: Hawk and Eddie scene.

No Symbolism here but I love the relationship between these two. Hawk is annoying in the way teenagers actually are annoying not in the way precocious “ Talk like adults with philosophy degrees” teenagers on TV usually are. Both he and Summer are excellently written in this respect. Eddie is a real dad, not a perfect dad. Just a guy who enjoys time with his kids. Hawk hates school. Didn’t we all?

Scene:  Mary Sees Cal again/Conversation with Eddie:

So like so many scenes on this show , what appears to be a throwaway moment of filler is actually telling us something. While the music and stylised camera work distracts us from the dialogue between Cal and Eddie this is what they’re saying (according to the closed captions.) 

Cal: “Hey, man, I’ll come join you later. Sit in on your testimonial.”

Eddie: “Oh, no. You don’t have to do that. Same old story. You’ve heard it a million times.”

Cal: “Are you kidding? I love your story.

Gets me fired up every time.”

Cal wants to sit in on Eddie’s testimonial, despite the fact that he’s heard it many times and its depressing as holy hell. Eddie would rather he didn’t. Why?

Skip ahead to Eddie telling his story. Interesting, isn’t it that we barely learn anything about Eddie’s life before Meyerism?  So lets look at the facts. What do we know about Eddie Lane at this point?

He had an unhappy home life. We know this because he lived with his older brother instead of his parents ( The original script had a line about his mother being mentally ill which they later edited out, because I believe it would have made future twists too obvious. The subtext is still there.)

He loved his brother. His brother killed himself. Eddie Has. Not. Dealt. With. It. This is so clear. His own dialogue tells us this. He ran. Ran from the situation and straight into a cult.

He starts telling his story. His relationship with his brother was “the one thing he had.” And when he lost it he lost part of himself. He breaks down, he can’t finish the story. Meyerism didn’t heal this particular pain. Cal to the rescue!

“ Oh yeah and then you found us and it was all cool right?” He essentially says.

So Cal does probably step in here to help Eddie. But at the same time theres something censorious about it. He is clearly steering the story in a different direction than it was going? Something is missing from Eddies narrative. Perhaps the fact that he is still suffering, that despite the ladder, his brother’s death is still an open wound for him. ( This kind of adds a layer of creepy to Cal’s assertion that he “Loves him like a brother” Later on.) Also…What happened between ‘Discovered Johnny’s dead body’ and ‘ Ended up in a bookshop’?

Something smells fishy.  But we are told enough to piece a few things together. There was some mental illness in his family, he doesn’t want to look too deeply at his past. He had a lot of anger. (When he arrived he was murderously angry. (We learn this later from Sarah.) That’s not what he looks like now though. Not at all. Meyerism’s victory or his own? Was Sarah his saving grace?

In a way Eddie is the biggest enigma on the show. Maybe even moreso than Steve.

Which brings us to…

Scene: Sarah talks about Steve. 

And the fact that she thinks the light shines out of his ass. Literally. 

So this is our first proper introduction to Steve:

We are told that he lives so deeply in truth that he is one with the Light. His followers believe him to be an ascended master of sorts and therefore an immortal spiritual being rather than just a man. and once again and one of many times… There is a dichotomy between what we are being told and what we are seeing. The sound and the visuals are often at odds on this show. 

Because hanging behind her on the wall is a picture of a dude. A dude named Steve. and he’s handsome, charismatic looking I guess but just as prosaic as his name ( Which incidentally means’ Light Bringer’ in Hebrew.) . (He also has that same high collar, uptight shirt thing going on as Cal does.) This is one of may times that the placement of the Steve photo is telling us something. 

Later Eddie reads to Summer from the junior edition of The Ladder. Whilst having a very confusing existential crisis.

 And we learn about Steve’s past. What do we know about Steve?

He was a military doctor, who did terrible things to soldiers at a hospital. Had a crisis of confidence, lost his shit and took a very long walk… Also I dare anyone to say that isn’t Kodiak in the illustration. 

Sooo… What do you guys know about Project MK Ultra? 

From Wikipedia: 

“Project MKUltra – sometimes referred to as the CIA’s mind control program – is the code name given to a program of experiments on human subjects, at times illegal, designed and undertaken by the United States Central Intelligence Agency.[1] Experiments on humans were intended to identify and develop drugs and procedures to be used in interrogations and torture, in order to weaken the individual to force confessions through mind control. Organized through the Scientific Intelligence Division of the CIA, the project coordinated with the Special Operations Division of the U.S. Army’s Chemical Corps.[2]

The operation began in the early 1950s, was officially sanctioned in 1953, was reduced in scope in 1964, further curtailed in 1967, and officially halted in 1973.[3] The program engaged in many illegal activities,[4][5][6] including the use of unwitting U.S. and Canadian citizens as its test subjects, which led to controversy regarding its legitimacy.[4](p74)[7][8][9] MKUltra used numerous methodologies to manipulate people’s mental states and alter brain functions, including the surreptitious administration of drugs (especially LSD) and other chemicals, hypnosis,[citation needed]sensory deprivation, isolation and verbal abuse, as well as other forms of psychological torture.” 

Read more here: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Project_MKUltra

Lovely. 

So… You guys Steve was totally one of those mad scientists. Who tortured Vietnam soldiers to try an achieve mind control with drugs ( and also sarin gas and other agonizing tortures. This isn’t a bit of weed and a walk in the woods. These people were psychopaths of the highest order.) 

Lets me just repeat that… To  achieve mind control… With Drugs. Does this throw up any red flags for anyone else? 

What else do we know about Steve? I mean FOR SURE He went to Peru and started a cult. Which used Ayahuasca and other drugs to induce hallucinatory states. 

Manipulation into shared delusions? Maybe. Theres no doubt Felicia believes she burned her hands on a Burning Ladder of Truth. But her husband Bill reminds her that there was a bonfire… And that they were ‘Really High.” He wouldn’t have had to convince many people, just a handful, to engender belief in many. 

Ok so lets give him the benefit of the doubt and assume that he did have an ethical crisis while working for the CIA… He still used drugs on people… Afterwards. 

And then theres the trope of the Morally questionable doctor who runs to South America. Don’t tell me we’re not supposed to get slightly Megele-ish vibes from this guy. 

Then we cut from Eddies Life of Lies directly to Cal’s life of lies:

Scene: Cal and Mary.

So this scene has a lot going on in it but I think the main takeaway the first time I saw it was that Cal was married to The Ladder. We’re not sure exactly how much he believes in it at this point or how much he’s manipulating Mary into becoming an acolyte. But upon Re-Watch… Oh boy.

So Cal doesn’t have personal relationships. Certainly not with newbies. So why does he go out of his way so much for Mary?

Well the thing is that she has now met her basic needs. Remember our pyramid of pop psychology?

So she’s no longer about to die, she’s physically safe, had a shower, has a place to stay. Now she wants a sense of love and belonging. Which she tries to get by the only means she knows. Sex. Boy did she ever pick the wrong guy.

Or did she?

Heres the thing. Cal is also stuck at this level. He and Mary have the same need. Officially there is a huge power disparity in the relationship and its highly inappropriate. He may be a leader and she may only be a possible. But under the skin they are both needful of the same thing and can’t ever get it because they’ve been damaged so badly. It’s doubtful that either of them will ever move beyond this need.

This scene tells us everything we need to know. Though the performances mostly. Theres a disturbingly childlike quality to both of them. Visually compounded by Mary’s little girl nightie and butterfly underpants.

When Cal gently rebuffs her advances, Dancy’s performance tells us a few things. (In interviews from Season 1 era He described Cal’s relationship with Steve as ‘Complicated.’ I’m sure they had the back story planned from the outset.)

For those into micro gestures. When he said the word ‘ Sex” he flinches and wrinkles his nose in disgust. There is a lot of barely repressed anger in that tiny moment. Because he understands Mary’s Damage. Really understands it. Unfortunately.

They are also reflected in the window, and refections of one another figuratively speaking. Which is why they both love and hate each other at various points. But never, ever do we get the feeling that they don’t understand one another.

Mary says “ All my life I’ve had this fantasy that one day an angel would fly down from the sky and save me.” She feels as though she is fulfilling her destiny. This may be the only time in her life that an authority figure hasn’t taken advantage of her. 

At that point there is a moment of recognition, almost elation from Cal. That could be interpreted as religious fervour at having saved a soul. But I believe it’s meant to be identification, the discovery of a kindred spirit.

“We were meant to find each other.” He says. he doesn’t say “ You were meant to find us” or “the movement”. But “Each other.”

Where was his Angel? Who does he call an Angel later in the series?

“My colleague is a fucking angel.!” He tells John Ridge in episode 5 and to Sarah in Season 2 “I miss your light. The way you looked at me that saved me as a kid.” Suddenly his obsession with Sarah takes on a more tragic, if more disturbing angle. She was a ray of light in his otherwise miserable childhood. He sees her, we learn later, as a role model for what is good and right behaviour. What does this tell us about his other role models in the movement?

Scene: Eddie’s Retreat.

We see the retreat at the Cousco compound. Which appears to be a converted Spanish church. Interestingly a lot of Catholic imagery is associated with Eddie on the show.  In the courtyard Silas is helping a bald dude, Miranda Frank is dancing, and Eddie is tripping balls.

Ayahuasca as a therapeutic substance helps people come to term with their past trauma. Causing them to re-live it. In a Arthur Janov “Primal Scream”, cleansing sort of way. They come out of the experience feeling reborn and with neurosis cured.  It is not a particularly safe drug cocktail however. It can be an especially strong potential trigger for those predisposed to Bipolar Disorder, Schizophrenia, Dissociative Disorder and other psychosis.

So we can see what Eddie might not be having a particularly good trip, what with his past trauma and all. And unsurprisingly his brother comes back to haunt him. With a secret message. In the hallway to Steve’s room is an Owl sculpture. 

Silas’ totem is an owl. Presumably this is his main hangout. As well as a shamanic symbol of wisdom the owl is a Gnostic symbol of demons, illness, disease and death. There are some oil painting on the wall which look like Steve might have painted them ( They look a bit like his ‘flowers’ from season 2.)  

Heres the thing… Is Eddie experiencing a moment of genuine clairvoyance here? I thought at first it was all a drug trip and he hadn’t really moved from the courtyard. His brother’s ghost certainly leads him to the room. But…

Isn’t this compound actually where the movement is storing Steve? Could Eddie conceivably have wandered of while tripping and stumbled into Steve’s room? We do find out later that he literally got up and walked off somewhere for a while because Miranda Tells Cal so in Episode 4. Once again the truth is subjective but maybe less so if witnessed by more than one person. He also, quite possibly saw more rooms on the way.

Eddie sees a vision of Johnny twice more in the series. Once on the shore at Coney Island in S1  and once in his near death vision of the garden in S2. All three times Johnny is guiding him towards a major spiritual decision. But two out of the tree times Eddie was tripping on Ayahuasca. The time at the shore could be a genuine moment of psychosis, we don’t know. Eddie doesn’t either. It seems real to him, and he wasn’t expecting it.  

Either way. He knows  Steve isn’t a immortal ascended ball of light. And those extra rungs that were supposed to enable them to ascend to the garden ‘aint coming, and by extension Cal is lying to them all. Thats a lot of doubts for one day.  

Scene: Eddie and Sarah fight:

The thing about Meyerists is that there supposed to be 100% honest at all times, as a result they are actually secretive as hell. Eddie lies repeatedly to Sarah during this scene, she assumes he’s sleeping with someone else, specifically Miranada Frank. , and he lets her think that because its less painful than the truth.  

There is curious bit of dialogue here.

“ Sarah: All right, I love you, and I chose you.

Eddie: You chose me?

Sarah:  I chose you.

Eddie: What do you mean, you chose me? Chose me over Cal? Is that what this is?

Sarah:  No, no! That is not what I am saying.”

What does this tell us about their relationship? It’s important to her that she “Chose” him. But everyone chooses their partners right? I mean, unless they have an arranged marriage. and the Meyerists don’t… Do they? ( more on this later. I have a theory.)

In any event. She clearly feels that she took a risk on him ( maybe because he was a convert, an outsider, and she was the golden girl of Meyerism who was ‘supposed’ to end up with Cal? Eddie reacts so strongly to this, perhaps because it implies that he held her back from her birthright somehow?

So maybe the subtext here is “ I sacrificed so much to be with you, how could you cheat on me after that?”

” Look at me.

You are everything to me, okay? You’re it.

I remember the day.

I never imagined a future for myself before you,

but then there there you were with that glass of water,

and I didn’t have to try to imagine one anymore.

I had it.” 

Reassuring her, she is the be all and end all for him. She is his salvation. Period. He was suicidal when he met her and she saved him. ( Much like she ‘saved’ Cal as a child.) Sarah as saviour figure is also a running theme on the show. (NB:We'll see Eddie as "Chosen One" again too)

‘There you were” he tells her , remembering when they met ‘ With that glass of water…”

Oh hello WATER my old friend! 

 We can imagine a young Eddie, bereft and suicidal, thirsty being given comfort by the Meyerist movement. Water. the shows favourite symbol of salvation. Actually the shows favourite symbol period. Besides Ladders. She pulled him out of his private apocalypse. Just like Mary at the trailer park. They gave him survival. His doubt is a very big deal. He stands to lose everything.  As he says to Allison in the next scene:

“I don’t know what the hell I’m doing here.

You know,

I was high as a kite,

so what I saw, or what I think I saw, was it real?

You know, I mean, was the vision of my brother even real?

I mean, am I gonna blow up my life,

a life that I love,

because of something I don’t even know if I really saw?”

Yes he is. Because he feels the truth of it in his bones and he can’t live his life without Self- Actualisation. He is willing to give it all up for his personal truth. He loves her more than anything. But he will give her up if he has to. Contrast with Cal who holds onto his past infatuation and can’t let it go. 

Speaking of which: 

Scene: Sarah visits Cal. 

Ok so this scene tells us an awful lot and is pretty damn creepy.

The Meyerists have no boundaries, we knew this, so Sarah going to tell her friend Cal about her marital problems is disturbingly par for the course. 

Also I think Cal painted that bird. Remember he used to enjoy art once?

Then theres the dialogue:

“I was so scared of you when we were young.

Before Eddie.

You’d sneak into my bed.

Your hands were like fire.

I thought, “This guy could never really love a person.

Not for the years.

He needs too much.”

Firstly… WHAT??? He sneaked into her bed and felt her up? And she was scared? Ok so she seems to be implying that it was exciting but… Also HOW young are we talking here. This seems like a rather strange normalisation of something dark. 

So Cal was probably sexually inappropriate with other kids his age. No surprises there its a classic sign of sexual abuse. We also learn that he couldn’t be emotionally intimate in the way she Wanted because he NEEDED too much. 

Hello Pyramid my old friend.

 He was stunted forever in survival mode because of Steve and couldn’t quite crack the sex and romance thing. And the horrible thing is that he remains silent the whole scene and literally can’t seem to respond to her because the dude is literally so full of secrets if he speaks he will open the floodgates and destroy the Earth. 

So this is where we come to my theory: 

That terrible dialogue: 

Its so out of place. It doesn’t sound like her. ( She even quotes it like someone else said it.) 

But you know who does sound like that?  “ Flowers on Your Walls of Doom”, arch manipulator of the young, Steve.

On the few occasions we hear Steve speak in flashback. He sounds theatrical. Almost Shakesperian. 

My theory is… That Cal’s later behaviour with Mary and Sean the ‘arranged marriage’  is part of an abusive cycle. I think he repeats what was done to him. I think maybe Steve sent a young Cal to Sarah’s bed in the first place.

 In the same way Cal later sends Mary to Sean. Then gets a full report from her. THAT scene in ep 4 is very reminiscent of incest or something like it. 

Oh and would you look at who’s watching them from the photo on the wall Behind Cal?

Hence why Sarah “Chose” Eddie. But for some reason didn’t have the agency to “Choose” Cal.  Maybe Choosing Eddie was her one act of real agency within the movement? Lets not forget she nearly ran away with her sister. We might want to ask why? 

Then perhaps Steve sent Cal away. Because he couldn’t have him getting to close to anyone. Offering him a life of vocation instead.

I don’t know for sure  but it seems like something like this might have happened. And here’s why… 

Scene: Cal and Mary visit Dad/ Plato’s Cave:

Right after this scene, Cal goes straight to Mary and suggests they “make it better” with a visit to her dad. Going to Mary is  something he often does when his past comes back to haunt him, because she is,to him, like his inner child. She is his past writ large, open and honest and bleeding on the floor. No secrets. He acts out through her, processes his own trauma through her. How self aware he is about it is debatable. But his meeting with Sarah seems to have triggered him.

When you understand a bit more about Meyerism it’s shocking just how off the script Cal went by going to her Dad’s place and beating the shit out of him. Why did he feel the need to do it rather than just give her some Ladder Therapy? If he believed in Meyerism wouldn’t he try and get her  to forgive? to move beyond it?

Because when she says the Ladder won’t help make it better he knows thats true, even if he can’t admit it to himself yet. And he goes very, very transgressive. Almost as though the act of violence is a rebellion against everything Steve stood for. Although at first all he wants is an apology. Demanding Mr. Cox to kneel and grovel in the dirt for forgiveness. ( Which is actually pretty Meyerist of him.) Its also possibly exactly what he would like from Steve.

But the turning point comes when Mr. Cox spits in his face. THEN he loses it. We find out later that Cal used to hand out flyers on the street as a kid and people used to spit on him. He may have a neurosis about it. But the whole confrontation with Mr. Cox becomes more about him than Mary at this point. If it ever was about her at all. But he does give her exactly what she needs. Vengence, justice, closure. And as a viewer, honestly. I was cheering the crazy bastard on. 

So what do we know about Cal at this point?

He doesn’t believe, deep down, in what he’s preaching.

He has a lot in common with Mary.

He has a terrible temper.

He is capable of extreme violence.

He doesn’t appreciate being spat on. At all.

This does not make for a safe cult leader.

But it does beg the question whats more dangerous, a cult leader who doesn’t believe in his own propaganda, or one who does? Think of The Branch Davidians or Heavens Gate. Or the very Steven Meyer-esque David Berg and The Children of God cult? Belief can be a very dangerous thing too.

The scene is beautifully edited with Cal’s Plato Speech. Illustrating his hypocrisy even while he preaches.

Plato’s cave.

My favourite scene. Ironic and the perfect analogy.  Cal essentially narrates his own life story without knowing it. The guy is somewhat less self aware than he pretends to be… And now we know it for sure.  It ties into the episode title;  “What The Fire Throws.”

Shadows of reality. We all live in our own version of reality with our own version of truth. Eddie has decided he’s had enough of this one. Cal is actually heading in the same direction, belief wise, as Eddie but he’s trapped in the institution in a way that Eddie isn’t. Steve literally made him paint a false reality for himself and without it he’s staring into the abyss. 

Sarah has never even questioned her shadows. She was born in that cave. He presents the perfect argument against religion, and closed communities in particular. All the while railing against regular society and the untruths therein. The point is. There are many cults and we all live in one. Do we put our faith in a person to lead us? Eddies path is a lonely one, because the Room of Truth can only fit one person at a time. Would I let him lead me? Well.. I’m not pumping my fist and yelling “ Yay Cult!” anymore. 

And as a viewer? We are presented with a reality on screen. And we are manipulated by that reality and shown shadows of reality, angles on things. This story isn’t all it seems. Theres an element of 4th wall breaking here too. Because it looks , at points, like he’s preaching right out of the screen. 

And speaking of TRUTH:

Eddie admits his. But not to the people he loves. To a stranger in a motel room. Because sometimes the lie you’re living is the one you love the most. 

[andinewton]

Healing the Hurt - Avengers Redemption Series - Part Two - Chapter 59 - Epilogue 5

Characters: Bucky Barnes, Amelia Richards (OFC), pretty much everyone from the MCU appears at some point!

Pairings: Bucky x Amelia (ofc)

Warnings:  Chronic pain, physical disability, implied smut, eventual smut, swearing, fertility issues, pregnancy, angst with a happy ending, Stark has a heart.

Word Count:  151372 (complete with additional epilogues added)

Summary: 
Everything is going well at Avengers Tower, Bucky is integrating into the team slowly but surely; he longs for his confidence back but knows it's going to be a long road, never more than when he meets the new secretary at his doctor's office.

Amelia Richards is a career SHIELD agent, recruited straight out of college into the "company" but now she finds herself passed around from department to department, her latest position as a secretary at Avengers Tower proving monotonous compared to her former life, but when James "Bucky" Barnes walks into her office one Friday evening everything changes…

Join Bucky as he rediscovers parts of himself he had thought long lost with someone who considered herself broken for a long time, helping one another heal in more ways than one…

Master List

I make these every year with my girls!

Chapter 59 - Epilogue 5 - Christmas - Take One!

Summary:  Back in time again, to Christmas when Bucky has his broken leg!

‘Sit!’ Amelia yelled, just as Tony walked into the common room kitchen. ‘When did we get a dog?’ He smirked. Bucky rolled his eyes as he sank back into the chair, Amelia making him raise his broken leg onto another with a cushion on it. ‘If I had a dog he might listen.’ Amelia frowned before going back to the side where she had been cutting out cookies. ‘I listen…I just don’t always do as I’m told.’ Bucky complained. The last two days had been hell. Finally discharged from the med ward with crutches, proper Tiny Tim style to keep the weight off his leg, and full instructions on what not to do. He thought it would have been a shorter list of what he could do at this point and it seemed to pretty much involve him sitting still and letting everyone wait on him.

‘Which is why you get yelled at.’ Amelia said, not looking up as she pushed the shaped centre out of the dough. ‘Angel, your cookies have holes in.’ Tony pointed out, ignoring the two bickering. ‘They’re supposed to. Two holes, in fact.’ She made another, smaller hole at the top. ‘They’re stained glass cookies. Throw in some smashed up sweets, bake, and you get edible tree decorations.’ She smiled at him. ‘Well, they smell amazing.’ He admitted, the sweet scent of spices coming from the oven as tempting as it was seasonal. He looked up at Bucky who seemed to be trying to get his attention, and when he finally did Bucky hooked his head towards the door, indicating he should leave. Tony smirked and shook his head slightly. ‘So, Angel, can I give you a hand? Seeing as limpy isn’t much use?’ ‘Erm…’ She looked around, trying to work out what her next job had been. ‘Actually you can. Two minutes.’ She finished the tray she was doing, noting the timer was almost done when she could swap batches, and pulled a box out of a cupboard and took it to the table. ‘Open that, Mr Impatient.’ She quipped at Bucky before going back to the side and grabbing a large platter of individual Christmas tree shape cupcakes. ‘Come on.’ She took Tony’s hand and pulled him to sit beside Bucky. ‘I’ll whip up some frosting and you can decorate the cakes.’ Tony pulled a face as she walked away. He had been hoping to help her in the kitchen, just to tease Bucky because he couldn’t. ‘Actually,’ she turned back, ‘wash your hands, both of you.’ She ordered. With sighs they got up, Tony passing Bucky his crutches, and went to do as they were told. ‘I didn’t know she could cook.’ Tony complained an hour later when he and Bucky had set up their own production line with Steve, who Amelia had caught trying to sneak out once he saw Bucky frantically waving him out. ‘Problem is getting her to stop.’ Bucky murmured. ‘I used to cook all the time because it was a struggle for her. Didn’t realise she missed it this much or I’d have let her help more.’ ‘To be fair she’s damn good at it.’ Steve said as he stuck silver balls on a cookie. ‘She is, but she doesn’t need to cook all the time, I like cooking for her.’ ‘But she loves it. And it’s still a novelty that she can stand this long comfortably. It’ll get out of her system eventually.’ ‘Not too soon, I hope.’ Tony said as he crammed an entire cookie in his mouth, the only way, he thought, to make sure she didn’t spot him eating one. ‘Last batch done!’ She said excitedly as the oven timer went off again. ‘Last batch as in final batch as in you’re finished?’ Bucky clarified. ‘Last batch, final batch, all finished. Cooking, anyway.’ She confirmed with a grin and he couldn’t help but smile back. She had a small smudge of flour across her cheek and nose, her apron bearing the scars of her work. Even with her hair caught up in a messy ponytail she was the most beautiful girl he had ever seen and he started to stand to go kiss her but her grin dropped into a frown immediately. ‘Sit!’ She pointed at the chair as though it would help and he sank back down again with a groan. ‘Come on, sweetheart, let me get up, just this once.’ ‘No, because the look on your face says you weren’t planning on just getting up you were planning on getting up, coming over here, standing up longer, before hobbling back to your seat.’ She said as she came towards him. ‘And I can just as easily come to you.’ She bent beside him and kissed him softly, leaving him with a stupid smirk on his face. ‘So, my little elves, once you’ve finished what you’re doing you're free to go. Tony, why is there frosting on your beard?’ ‘Oh, uh, I…’ She laughed. ‘I never said you couldn’t have any, stupid. I made enough for half The Tower. They’re meant to be eaten.’ ‘Really?’ He looked at her suspiciously. ‘You’re not mad?’ She shook her head. ‘Of course I’m not mad. They’re better when the frosting is set though.’ ‘Can I take some to Bruce? He’s up in the lab.’ ‘Take a couple, but on a plate, otherwise the frosting will stick.’ ‘Awesome, thanks.’ He got up and did just that, speaking as he did so. ‘Don’t forget, team dinner tonight.’ ‘We won’t forget.’ Amelia promised. ‘And I will be fully out of the way well before then.’ ‘Caterers don’t really use in here.’ Tony informed her. They were having a formal dinner tonight, just in case they got any emergencies tomorrow. Crime didn’t take a vacation and HYRDA seemed to make it a habit to try and ruin them. ‘So take your time.’ He smiled, eating another cookie as he left. ‘I have a few things to finish off and the cleaning up to do, why don’t you guys go watch a movie or something?’ She looked between Steve and Bucky, who gave hinting raised eyebrows at his best friend. ‘Actually I have something I need Bucky’s advice on, just in my room, he’ll be resting the whole time, I swear.’ Steve promised. ‘Okay. I can finish these off, if you want to go.’ ‘We’ll just finish what we’re doing then get out of your hair, doll.’ As she had been speaking Bucky’s hand had wrapped around her and was rubbing up and down her back softly. ‘Okay.’ She clapped her hands together. I will come and find you guys when I’m done?’ ‘Sure.’ Steve nodded, hoping they would be done wrapping her gifts from Bucky by then. ‘Alright.’ She shrugged before kissing Bucky on the hair and going back to the kitchen, completely suspicious of what they were planning on doing but not really caring. It was Christmas Eve, everyone had been acting suspicious for weeks, hiding shopping bags and changing the subject. She had never experienced anything like it, at least not since she was at college, and nothing on this scale. It had put a permanent smile on her face and was the reason she had decided to do a bake-a-thon. She wanted to show the team how grateful she was they had taken her in and accepted her so readily. It was another three hours before she was finished with the last of her baking and cleaning. The kitchen was spotless, which was more than could be said for her, and all her baked goods were put away, a lot in pretty cellophane bags for each of the team which she would have placed in their table settings for dinner tonight, the tray of stained glass biscuits she had hung from ribbons and could be hung on the tree after dinner. Checking over the kitchen one last time she went to find the super soldiers. ‘Jeez, Buck, did you buy enough?’ Steve asked as he put the last of the gifts he had just finished wrapping into the gift bag. ‘What can I say? I love the girl and she’s easy to buy for.’ Bucky shrugged from his spot on Steve’s bed, up by the headboard so he could rest his leg, the other foot on the floor so it felt less like he was laying down, more like sitting comfortably. ‘Where do you want it?’ He stood, picking up the bag. ‘Can you stash it in the bottom of my wardrobe?’ Steve smirked. ‘The wardrobe in Amelia’s room?’ ‘That’s what I said.’ Bucky gave him a small frown. ‘Two days ago you couldn’t even ask her to move in, now it’s your room too.’ ‘Shut up.’ Bucky said, but stayed smiling. ‘Which means, as long as you don’t screw up, the arrangement could become permanent.’ Steve reminded him. ‘That’s the hope.’ ‘So don’t screw up.’ ‘Not planning on it.’ ‘I’ll be right back.’ Steve said and went about his task. On the way back he met Amelia coming to meet them and they were talking quietly as they reentered the room, Bucky playing on his phone on the bed with his leg raised. ‘He was a good boy, right? No running around? No doing stupid things that would impede his healing?’ ‘Not a thing. He was very well behaved, you know, for a jerk.’ ‘Shut it, punk.’ Bucky pulled a face at him before turning his brightest smile on Amelia. ‘You set to go home, sweetheart?’ ‘All done. Need to shower and change for dinner, but that’s all.’ She held her hands out to show just how covered in ingredients she was. ‘Then let’s go.’ He started to get off the bed and Steve grabbed his crutches for him. ‘And you rest.’ She said as he reached her. ‘Boring.’ He screwed up his nose. ‘How about…’ ‘How about no.’ She interrupted with a firm look. ‘But…’ ‘No.’ She repeated. ‘Steve,’ he turned to his friend for back up. ‘Sorry, pal, I’m with your girl. You rest now you could be out of that plaster before new years.’ ‘And,’ Amelia added, ‘if you don’t start behaving I’m going to cancel our dances until you’re healed properly.’ ‘What?’ Bucky did a double take. They danced every day, that was their thing, as long as they were together and he wasn’t on a mission. ‘I’m serious.’ Amelia glared at him. ‘The more you do stupid things, the less you rest, the longer it’s going to take to heal. And I’ll dance with Steve instead.’ ‘Wait, what?’ Steve asked in surprise. ‘Can you think of anything that might make him do as he’s told better than that?’ She looked at Steve, knowing he wouldn’t be able to. ‘I know for a fact he has been sneaking around without his crutches when he thinks we’re not looking and I’m finally putting my foot down.’ She held her hand out to Steve who took it with a small amused look, raising his arm so she turned and stepped into him, dancing her around in a circle with his other hand on her waist. ‘You know, I can’t, but this is kinda nice. Maybe we should do this anyway until he’s healed.’ ‘I don’t know. He looks kinda pissed off with us.’ She said as she rotated far enough to see Bucky’s face. Unamused didn’t even begin to cover the pout and frown he was wearing. ‘Surely that just means it’s working?’ Steve smirked at him as he came into view of Bucky’s glare. ‘Okay, enough messing around, give me back my girl.’ Steve thought about it, for about a second, then decided instead to dip her, so they could both see him at the same time. ‘Keep your pants on, Buck.’ He laughed, straightening her again. ‘But you know what you have to do.’ ‘Yeah, yeah. Rest.’ He said, somewhat bitterly. ‘Oh, my poor boy.’ Amelia stepped out of Steve’s arms and cupped Bucky’s cheek with her hand. ‘Let’s go home and if you rest just until I’m showered, which means no getting up unless the place is actually physically on fire, then you can dance with me for one short song in just my towel.’ Bucky raised a thoughtful eyebrow. ‘That works.’ He admitted. ‘See you at dinner, Stevie.’ Steve shook his head as they left, Amelia turning and mouthing; ‘Thank you!’ to him before closing the door.

Bucky got his dance, rested like he was supposed to and dinner was a very festive success. Everyone loved their cookies and after dinner they all sat around the rec room, hanging the biscuits on the tree with Christmas music playing, drinking wine and some impromptu dancing and singing, not including Bucky who had to make do with watching, Stark doing his best to irritate him by dancing with Amelia whenever possible. Bucky knew it was deliberate, Tony treated Amelia like a kid sister not a romantic interest, but he did still like to make trouble, playful, but still trouble. Part of him was glad when everyone called it a night because he felt like a spare part; as much as the atmosphere was lively and fun he wasn’t actively joining in, reduced to being an observer. This wasn’t how he had pictured his first Christmas with Amelia, let alone with the team. They crawled into bed together, looking forward to the team just hanging out the following day, eating leftovers and watching movies, but they should have realised it wouldn’t be that simple. The alarm went off at three am. Earthquake. Nothing too serious but they had been asked to help at the scene and it was several hours away. Amelia made Bucky stay in bed and said to call her when he woke properly. She headed up to the lab and helped where she could but with it not being a standard mission there was little data to go over and she soon fell asleep at her desk, which was how Bucky found her at just after eight. He stroked her hair where she had it caught back in a loose braid, her head rested on her arms on the desk beside her laptop. ‘Hey, darlin?’ He said quietly as she began to stir. ‘Merry Christmas.’ ‘Hmm?’ She murmured, raising her head slowly as she blinked sleep away. ‘Oh, hey, Buck. What time is it?’ ‘Time you left the lab and had some breakfast, sweetheart.’ She rubbed her eye, remembering why she was asleep in the lab, not that this was the first time, then turned to Bucky. ‘Where’s your crutches?’ ‘Right there.’ He pointed to the against the desk behind him. ‘You walked all this way?’ She said in disbelief, getting out of the chair and nudging him towards it. ‘I didn’t put any weight on the leg, darlin’, I promise.’ He said but took a seat anyway to keep her happy. ‘Are you going to make me push your heavy arse back to our room in my chair?’ He gave her an amused smile, pulling her into his lap. ‘Maybe I’ll just rest here for a minute and give my girl Christmas kisses.’ ‘So that’s a yes.’ She replied leaning in to kiss him. ‘And Merry Christmas to you too.’ ‘Can we go back to bed and unwrap gifts?’ He asked quietly as he slipped his hands under her t-shirt, caressing her skin with his fingertips. ‘Gifts yes, no unwrapping anything else.’ She caught his wrists and moved his hands out from where they were slowly tracking upwards. ‘Oh, doll, come on. If I’m in bed I’m resting.’ He argued. ‘Not with what you’re planning.’ She got off him again and passed his crutches before closing and unplugging her laptop. ‘FRIDAY, could you let me know if I’m needed back on the comms, please?’ ‘Of course, Angel.’ ‘Thank you.’ She sung before putting her laptop in Bucky’s lap and putting her hands on the arms of the chair and giving it a shove to start it wheeling. ‘Damn, you are heavy!’ ‘Sweetheart, stop, you’re going to hurt yourself!’ He complained, putting his one good leg down to stop her. ‘So are you!’ She argued but stopped all the same. ‘We aren’t going to get far like this.’ He pointed out. ‘Let me use the crutches and I’ll rest all day, I promise.’ She sighed. ‘Okay, fine.’ She took the laptop off him again. ‘I’ll make us breakfast and we can go hibernate in our room. Deal?’ ‘Deal.’ He agreed. Bucky was starting to feel this deal sucked. Sure, she made breakfast, and they stayed in their room most of the day, but she literally made him stay in bed, and not in a fun way. He was allowed out of bed long enough to get the gifts Steve had hidden yesterday and, after breakfast, to go use the bathroom, brush his teeth and the like, but then she was being a serious taskmaster, and he really didn’t like it. Sure, there was nothing wrong with laying in bed and watching movies, it was one of his favourite things to do with her, mostly because she cozied up with her head on his shoulder, or sometimes he would lay his head in her lap and she would play with his hair, but they wanted a snack; she got up and fetched it. He needed a drink; she got up and fetched it. He wanted to tie his hair back; she…you get the idea. It was frustrating! When she went to make sandwiches for them he knew he had around ten minutes, just to get up and stretch, maybe remake the bed a little, she couldn’t be too mad about that. He moved around some of their gifts, stacking them under the desk out of the way, and it felt good to be moving around, even though he leant on the furniture to take the weight off. He figured she might complain a bit but it would be too late and it was only some light exercise and he was a super soldier. It would be fine. Amelia realised she had forgotten to ask Bucky if he wanted white or brown bread. Of course when she reached the bedroom door and could see him bending down sliding a few things under the desk she was less than impressed. ‘What do you think you’re doing?’ She asked harshly, making him jump, which resulted in him banging his head on the underside of the desk, a glancing blow to his temple hard enough to make his head spin for a second and he stepped back, his foot catching on a water bottle that had fallen off the desk. Amelia watched in horror as his arms windmilled and he stepped back with his other leg to catch himself…his broken leg. His eyes went even wider than they already are and he swore as pain shot through is leg, his instinct to raise it being an incredibly stupid thing to do, his momentum sending him barrelling backwards into the bed. He caught it at an angle, shifted it about a foot backwards, before bouncing off the mattress to land in a heap on the floor. Amelia just stared at him in disbelief while he groaned and pushed himself to sit up, rubbing his temple, his face in a grimace. She sighed and went to him, kneeling beside him and pushing his hand out of the way to see a faint cut that probably would have been a lot worse on anyone else. ‘What do you say?’ She said to him as she crawled to the desk, took a tissue from the box, and crawled back again before wiping at his head carefully. ‘Ow.’ He winced, even though she was gentle. ‘No, not ow.’ She pressed harder. ‘Something else.’ ‘Uh, sorry?’ He tried to move away from her hand but she pursued him and caught the back of his head with her other, holding him still. ‘Better. What the hell were you doing under the desk?’ She asked in exasperation. He pulled an embarrassed face. ‘Putting stuff away in case you tripped on it when you came back.’ She lowered her hand and looked at him. He looked so ashamed of himself and his reasoning was just so…she laughed. She full on giggled as she leant into him and pressed a soft kiss to his lips. ‘You are such an idiot.’ ‘I know. Forgive me?’ He asked, giving her puppy dog eyes. ‘Get back on that bed, stay there, then I’ll consider it.’ She got to her feet and offered him a hand, helping him up. ‘Yes, ma’am.’ He saluted her before doing as he was told. She sat beside his hip and wiped the last of the blood off his skin. ‘I think you’ll live, soldier.’ ‘You sure? I think I need a physical.’ He grinned hopefully. ‘I’m mad at you.’ She poked him in the chest. ‘I only came back to see if you wanted white or brown.’ ‘Brown, please, sweetheart.’ ‘Don’t “sweetheart” me, Barnes.’ She got to her feet again. ‘I’ll be back with sandwiches and you had better be in the same spot or so help me…’ She couldn’t think of how to finish her sentence and he seemed to realise that, smiling up at her. ‘Or so help you you’ll what, doll?’ ‘I’ll think of something.’ She said frustratedly before lowering her head and kissing his cut softly. ‘Better now?’ ‘You’ve got magic in those lips, doll.’ ‘You definitely bashed your head.’ She rolled her eyes. ‘You want a glass of wine with dinner?’ ‘Sure, why not?’ ‘This time don’t move.’ She waved her finger warningly. ‘I swear, doll, not moving.’ He raised his hands in surrender. ‘You’d better not.’ Bucky didn’t get off the bed again other than for essential reasons and when they finally got ready for bed that night the team were on their way back home. It wasn’t the most conventional Christmas Day and certainly wasn’t one Bucky could have guessed at if he had tried, but for all it’s anomalies it was the best he could ever remember having.

Chapter 60

[longislandweekly-blog]

To some people, the very idea of food and drink pairings conjures up images of snooty high-brow types sipping from tea cups with pinkies proudly protruding. The more modern day stereotype is that of a bearded, flannel festooned hipster braying on and on about how perfectly IPA’s bouquet pairs with his artisan, grass-fed duck bacon. Well, here’s what I say to that—the tea drinker and the hipster, they are both right.

Pairing food and drink for a miraculously complementary bite is not only a taste-enhancing way to approach meal time, it is also the smart way to eat. Think about it. You sit down in front of a plate piled with squares of dark chocolate brownies. You eat one, then another, then another. What are you reaching for to wash it all down? What is the ideal beverage that will not only save you from choking, but also tastes great with a mouth full of rich chocolate? Is it tomato juice? Probably not. Perhaps a nice mug of thick clam chowder?

Wrong again.

If you said “milk,” then congratulations, you’ve just joined the illustrious food and drink pairing club.

It is that very same concept that goes into pairing certain drinks that enhance the flavor of particular bites of food. Whether it’s red wine and steak, white wine and fish or any beer with 20-or-so buffalo wings, drinks have helped food reach the next level of culinary exuberance ever since the first enterprising foodie decided that it was an art worth supporting some 50 to 1,000 years ago.

And now, with New Year’s Eve bearing down on us all—and with it, the end of another middling year and (gasp!) an entire decade of our lives, it’s perhaps the auspicious time to sit down and figure out what food and drinks will drop down your gullet when the ball drops in Times Square. Let’s take a look at few of the more audacious ways to eat and drink your way into oblivion this New Year’s Eve.

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Jägermeister

Have you ever felt like the ultimate golden god, completely impervious to both physical and emotional pain? If you answered yes, then you, my friend, have downed a few shots of Jägermeister on New Year’s Eve. This bitterly spiced and viciously viscous beverage, at its best when it’s pulled from the depths of your freezer and drank entirely in one gulp, is the ideal way to begin your New Year’s festivities. But since it’s a notoriously abrasive drink, it craves a rich food, specifically covered in sauce. Perhaps an extra sloppy serving of pulled pork with sticky and sweet barbecue sauce on pillowy potato buns. Another great option would be spare ribs or baby-back ribs or maybe even a cauldron of extra dark chili made with multiple cuts of meat.

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Whiskey

Whether slowly sipped with the cadence of a regal head of state or furiously guzzled like someone whose New Year’s date just disappeared into a crowd with some other guy, whiskey is that smoke-kissed, woodsy beverage that is equally at home on the rocks or neat. And those flavors of the outdoors are elevated with foods that are naturally salty, like cured meats and cheeses on a charcuterie board or bacon-wrapped scallops or stone crab claws with drawn butter. Of course, whiskey also finds a home paired with simply a salted and seared porterhouse or rib-eye steak; just be sure to just say no to any thick steak sauces, which would put you back into the cross hairs of our friend Jägermeister.

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Tequila

Like that one friend who shows up to your New Year’s party who you just know is going to cause all sorts of mayhem, tequila has the power to destroy friendships, render romantic relationships dead on arrival, and quickly transform minor disagreements into knock-down, drag-out fights. What does tequila taste like? Mostly like regret, with undertones of failure and hostility. When tequila enters the party, you’ve officially reached the part of the night where you no longer care what you put into your system—but if you absolutely must pair this mind eraser with food, definitely reach for something spicy and acidic, like grilled steak or pork tacos with hot peppers and a squirt of lime. The assertive flavors and heat of the tacos have the brawn needed to stand up to brash characteristics of tequila, especially the gold version.

Champagne

All good things must come to an end. As the final countdown begins and the seconds tick away on yet another year, chances are everyone at your party will have in their hand a champagne flute or maybe a red Solo cup filled with whatever cheap version of champagne you decided to buy for twelve bucks. At this point in the night, no food pairing is going to fill the void in your soul. And in that split second before the clock strikes midnight, when it’s just you, your drink, and your life’s choices, grab whatever is food within reach, and continue your brave but ultimately futile march toward the year 2020.

Party Pairings: Long Island Weekly's Steve Mosco shares foods and drinks to ring in the New Year with. To some people, the very idea of food and drink pairings conjures up images of snooty high-brow types sipping from tea cups with pinkies proudly protruding.

[joannaarobinson]

Day in the Life |Katelyn Bellefontaine

Welcome to our “Day in the Life” series! We feature wedding and event planners from around the world with many different levels of experience. If you would like to be featured, download our questionnaire here and email your responses and photos to info@plannerslounge.com. We are excited to feature Nova Scotia wedding planner Katelyn Bellefontaine today!

Name: Katelyn Bellefontaine

Business Name & Location: Elegant Productions Inc. Halifax, Nova Scotia Canada

Years Working in the Event Industry: 10 years

Years Owning Your Event Planning Business: 7 years

Website: www.elegantproductions.ca

Business Facebook Page: Elegant Productions Weddings and Events

Instagram: @elegantproductions

What is your typical day like?

My typical Monday through Friday, during our off-season (October through May), begins with coffee, emails, and a quick browse of social media. I try my best to stay off my emails in the evenings when I am spending time at home, so my mornings begin with reading through emails that have accumulated over the past 12 hours, getting a quick dose of inspiration via social media, then taking on the days tasks.

I consider myself to be an “email ninja” – I make a serious effort to hit inbox zero at least once at the beginning of the day, and then again at the end of the day. I always leave myself a lot of time first thing in the morning and late in the afternoon to tackle my inbox.

Once emails are done for the day, I’m typically heading into my day’s meetings. On Tuesday’s we host our weekly team meetings, the first with my team of four wedding planners, and the second with my marketing and stationery colleagues. The rest of the week my meetings are typically with perspective couples or current planning clients. On slower days, I make a point of scheduling time with my industry colleagues or working on marketing projects for my wedding planning company.

How did you get started in the industry?

I have an undergraduate degree in Public Relations from Mount Saint Vincent University here in Halifax. I went into the PR program, thinking that would be a great undergrad for law school, but thankfully got lost along the way of becoming a lawyer and got wrapped up in my love of event planning. Having worked both as a corporate event producer and as a vendor participating in multiple large-scale events, I was able to learn what makes a great event from both perspectives.

My hope out of University was that I would land a corporate job that allowed me to work on large scale events, and as a creative outlet would plan weddings for fun on the side. I secured the corporate job and in the same month, registered my wedding planning business, Elegant Productions.

One year later, I planned over 16 weddings in my first season. I was booking weddings into the next two years and with enough money in my bank account to pay the bills for three months. On a whim, I quit my full-time day job and took Elegant Productions full time. It’s been exactly six years since I left the corporate world behind and not once have I looked back.

Prior to starting Elegant Productions, I became a certified wedding and destination wedding planner through the Wedding Planners Institute of Canada. I have also attended multiple conferences across Canada and the United States. I have worked with mentors both locally and afar to assist me in growing this business.   

What inspires you?

When thinking about what inspires me, I have to say, my main source of inspiration is my clients. As much as I love scrolling Instagram or getting lost in the world of Pinterest weddings, I find my excitement factor always rises when I know I am planning and designing a wedding that is a true reflection of the couple themselves.

There is nothing better than hearing a wedding guest talk about how this wedding is “so them”. We have been incredibly blessed with amazing clients who allow us the creative freedom to push design concepts in one direction or another, but it’s most fun when the client has a specific vision or style of their own in mind.

I always tell my clients that I’ve already had my own dream wedding. It’s my job to help them discover exactly what speaks to them personally and then bring that to life on their wedding day.

Lastly, our beautiful part of the world inspires me. One constant that has remained over the past seven years of wedding planning and what I truly believe will never grow old, is taking inspiration from the coastal, rugged beauty of Eastern Canada. There is a strong sense of Maritime hospitality that runs deep in our bones and is naturally infused in our couples wedding days.

What are your favorite online resources for your business?

Internally we use Asana as our client project management tool. Asana helps keep all of our wedding related tasks in one place and is an amazing resource for sharing information from one team member to another.

Gmail has so many amazing features that we use on a daily basis. Our inboxes and client folders are organized in a similar fashion. Our team uses template responses and our systems are incredibly streamlined across the board. This allows us to confidently plan our client’s weddings in a cohesive and consistent manner.

I personally enjoy business and life advice shared by Marie Forleo, Jasmine Star, and my all-time fave Tony Robbins. I am constantly inspired by new planning and design techniques shared by Steve and Jamie of Sinclair & Moore.    

Aside from wedding and event planning, how do you spend your time?

When I’m not planning weddings or working on my business, I spend my time with my high-school sweetheart, turned husband Andrew. We were married three years ago on New Year’s Eve (which was truly magic), built our home one year later, and now enjoy every day with our five-year-old Golden Retriever Buddy and two cats.

As an only child, I am incredibly close with my family. I love hanging out with my Mom, even if we aren’t doing anything. I enjoy getting together with my girlfriends, drinking tea or wine, and simply catching up while the guys are off playing hockey.

Andrew and I are total beach bums and whenever we get the chance, opt to vacation in the Caribbean for a week of rest and relaxation on the beach. We are so lucky to live in Nova Scotia where our summers are full of amazing sunny beach days and our winters can be spent on the ski slopes.

Katelyn, thank you so much for taking the time to share your story and a day in your life. If you are an event planner and would like to be featured, download our questionnaire today and email it to us along with a photo. If you aren’t sure about being featured, take a few minutes to read how it can help your business.

from Event Planning Essentials https://plannerslounge.com/wedding-planner-life-katelyn-bellefontaine/ via http://www.rssmix.com/