#theyrehot

[fatphrodite]

you’re not an advice blog or anything but i just like the vibe you give off so maybe you’ll understand my problem? i’m a fat girl who feels like i’m not “correctly” fat, you know? like, my face is fat and my hands are chubby and our bodies are similar but you’re just a million times more beautiful than i am. do you ever feel that way, or do you know what i mean? my body just naturally IS this way and i don’t know how to feel better about it.

I wish I could respond to asks like this with something obvious and concise that could fit on a bumper sticker, but I feel compelled to touch on the weird messy tangled super tangential psychology which results in these kind of feelings, maybe in an attempt to help people who feel this way also get to the root causes and deconstruct them. I want to be thorough and wholly understood, and candid about my own experience! but i’ll spare mobile users by putting everything under a cut.

i rarely feel the sensation of seeing someone who looks like me, thinking theyre beautiful, while thinking i am not, anymore, and that has a lot to do with rewiring my brain over the years. instead i see someone who looks like me and I think theyre hot then my brain’s response is “if (theyreHot) {me=Hot;}" BEEP BOOP

I do still sometimes feel “incorrectly” fat because...…. im covered in old stretchmarks, my boobs sag, my belly sags, even my arms sag, im riddled with cellulite, my face is chubby and I have a double chin. the feeling of being “incorrectly” fat is absolutely the result of a definite beauty standard even in spaces that have an alternative ideal to our overall society’s beauty standard. we’ve all been poisoned aight, standards are being reinforced everywhere, like even the actual chunky/fat plus size models, who aren't just straight-sized models with padding, don't have double chins. even though youd be hard pressed to find an average person their size without one. popular plus sized Instagram models have the “acceptable” amount of cellulite, do NOT have fat faces, tend to be the “acceptable” hour glass shape naturally and/or get liposuction to be “idealized plus size” in the body and in the face. so how do you accept your body when youre unconsciously consuming constant reinforcement that it has “flaws” and have consumed that reinforcement for decades?

I think the answer is going to vary from person to person, and for me it varies even moment to moment. There are moments where the only way to cease those thoughts is remembering that this vessel DOES NOT EXIST for visual consumption, it DOES EXIST for piloting me thru Disney world + experiencing the tastiest of foods, and as long as I can do that, nothing else matters. which is you know, objectively true,  but I also do very much have a strong desire to FEEL pretty, to FEEL acceptable, to FIT IN THE BEAUTY STANDARD, because of so many years of being punched down and made to feel inherently ugly/unacceptable. It’s hard to feel pretty and accepted not only because mainstream society sees your body as inherently ugly, but also you simultaneously feel like youre not even ideal in the realm where youre “supposed” to be ideal (such as fat admiration communities). 

So these are the things which continue to help me accept myself, my perceived “flaws”, and feel good about myself -- 

 : focusing on surrounding myself with imagery of beautiful fat people who share the traits that fall outside of the existing plus size beauty standard. I intentionally avoid reblogging too many irl plus sized people with thin faces, super perky rounded fat, smooth hourglass shapes, minimal cellulite, flat tummies, because I don't want to reinforce those toxic ideals for my followers OR my own subconscious. as a side note, I also enjoy makeup and makeup videos and I gravitate towards makeup youtubers with rounder faces and plus sized bodies, like smokey glow and rawbeautykristi, like damn i can be glamorous with a beat face AND have a double chin! it also helps that theyre both entertaining AF to watch and listen to.  

 : involving myself in an FA/fat positive community. whether that's posting pictures of myself or dating or otherwise engaging with people in the community. as ive said before you should not hinge self esteem on other peoples opinions of you, but when you believe you as a whole or some trait you have is inherently ugly or unacceptable, having verifiable proof to the contrary, in the form of other peoples opinions, can aid in rewiring your brain to think more positively about yourself. I personally can assure everytime *I* see a double chin or chubby hands (among several other specific traits) it makes my heart flutter because of the cuteness. no matter what shape, fat distribution, whatever your vessel exists in, there are hundreds and thousands of people who will genuinely, wholeheartedly remind you how lovely it is, and many more out there who look like you who want to be able to see themselves represented as a figure of beauty (if that at all makes sense). Parts of me that were once difficult to accept or I used to overly-criticize have become either things that no longer even cross my mind or things that are specifically viewed as attractive/positive traits because of community involvement. and on that note, straight up I would never date like, a normie, and by that I mean someone who doesn't love fat bodies. special, positive, loving attention towards the parts you've been conditioned to think are wrong or conditioned to be ashamed of, is healing. I could not be with someone who liked/was attracted to me despite my body.

 : therapy. this solution may not apply to you at ALL or you may not realize that it applies to you. it depends on the degree to which you struggle with self image. you might not even know you have something like body dysmorphic disorder (which will cause things like hyperfocus on perceived traits) or you might not realize youre committing self harm (mentally bullying yourself, scrolling through Instagram/social media to torture yourself, starving yourself/overexercise, obsessive mirror checking and self-criticizing, among other behavior). the things ive already said can also aid you in stopping these types of self harm (personal experience: unfollowing/blocking any social media that i used to torture myself, fat positive/FA communities helped me to stop exercising myself to death, wg/eating kinks helped with eating disorders) and i know there are quite a few other people who have healed from doing similar things. 

something specific id like to note about my experience with therapy and the concept of self acceptance. a piece of advice given out by a LOT of fat bloggers to aid self confidence is “fake it til you make it” right. and that's also like, a version of a real thing I learned in real therapy. shutting out negative thoughts and replacing them with a contrary, positive mantra until your brain rewires, until you believe it. its a tool you can use in accepting the parts you struggle to accept, and beyond the neutral implication of that, glorifying them. the human brain has an interesting reaction to repetition. the more you repeat something the more you believe it. whether that's something negative or something positive. its a lesson to keep in mind even if therapy isn't something you want or need. 

[aluxproblem]

Very cool #JimmyChoo - These just dropped from $331 to $228, which is the lowest they have ever been. Grab them while #theyrehot on #LavishLabel

[lifesizehysteria]

I was thinking that it was implied that only Stef was the strap-on type. My bad. lol And I do agree that Lena is very oral as well. #totallyacanonthing #notnecessarilylookingtotalkaboutpussy #hardtonottalkaboutwiththesetwo #theyrehot

Oh, no, honey so far I’ve only written them using a strap on once and it was totally Lena wearing it so. Definitely not implied from me, anyway. 😉

Do you know what I would give to just have just the implication of either of them going down in canon? Just like one of them traveling downward until their head disappeared from the screen or one of them traveling back up and appearing on screen after the fact? Like, I appreciate that they let them be sexual at all but we only actually got one love in the whole series. The rest were all only implied with kissing and while the kissing was great (really great!) they definitely could (and should) have pushed it. 

Sorry for the tangent but I really wish we could have gotten a little more.

[you-may-say-im-a-dreamer11]

This is how I started my 23rd year and I wouldn't have it any other way #mygirls #theyrehot #shenanigans

[pinkbutpoison]

Best Halloween with my favorite people! Can Halloween come back this weekend too?! 💀👻🎃#Love #Boyfriend #Sister #Amazing #Theyrehot

[stained-shattered-glass-blog]

If you have hot friends does that make you hot?

[nottheaveragegrl]

Kendall and Justin for Vogue Magazine #weloveit #dontjudgeus #theyrehot #kendalljenner #justinbieber (at www.nottheaveragegirl.com)

[anditjustkeepsongoing]

MY BABIES ALL TOGETHER ❤️ Super thankful to have these ladies in my life. Keeping me together @karyoungs @truth_or_clairee #ignoremyface #watsonladies #theyrehot #loveyou #FF 🔥

[pinkbutpoison]

My sexy ladies and brewski woo woos. ❤️👯🍻 #friends #love #theyrehot #wheresbernard

[useless-lesbian-werewolf]

Typical 4th of July sparklers photos with @faazybear and Alex C! #theyrehot #ow

[metaphoricallymo]

#tct #bestfriendweek #theyrehot

[quinnievibing]

#tbt this was a great night ⬆️☁️ 💗 #theyrehot 😍

[dreezydrea]

My fantastic four 👭👭 #gameday #lindsborgks #mybabies #lovethem #theyrehot

[the-way-we-werewhen-we-were-blog]

#ThuglifeThursday my boys! #clique #thuglife #theyrehot @darrylcalloway1 @dylanb__

[juli-in-reverse]

obviously. lol

[nofxcksgivenchy]

#wcw #womancrushwednesday #caradelevingne #models #theyrehot