#theyre taking all the furniture i cant keep so i dont have to sell it!!!! and closing is in one month which means soon no double bills!!!

[justtogetthrough]

Holy shit you guys my house is officially conditionally sold! With a short closing period!

Please beg the universe nothing terrible happens during inspection and appraisal (it's been vacant all winter, checked on periodically) and that the sale goes through.

This has been an absolute and literal nightmare and I want this house out of my life 😭

[forestryfae]

so like the goal for today is to clean the kitchen to some degree, do laundry until the racks are relatively full, and ideally clean my bedroom as well, plus i gotta empty the litterboxes

and its not like i cant get it done or anything its just that im thinking about the kitchen and its just so fucking cluttered. theres shit everywhere. ive got machines and hit on the counters and table, ive got two big boxes on the floor full of stuff i wanna get rid of, i cant even reach like half of the shelves in my kitchen and i can only it so much stuff where i CAN reach, and its just so i-wanna-throw-away-everything-core like. i dont wanna have to keep utensils Just In Case i need them, im tired of having to wash plates and keeping them around just for the cats even tho i dont use them myself, its annoying to not ever have a clean tidy kitchen bench and its really easy to forget ive put soemthing on there so i keep filling the dishwasher and thinking im done and i just turn around and theres six more pots i forgot i had sitting on the other side of the room.

i cant even fit my nicer dessert bowls and such in the cabinets cus theyre full of stuff i got as gifts that i REALLY like and wanna keep but also like who needs 8 waterglasses and 8 mugs at the same time. i love all the stuff i have and i dont wanna gt rid of it but every time i go to grab a mug im instantly like "no i dont want that one i want a different one" but its towards every cup and i cant even get rid of more cups cus i like all my cups and i dont even know what i have in the lower cabinets next to where i store the pots. i NEVER use them. if i want something i use often i store it where i can actually reach it and everything else just gets forgotten so you can imagine my surprise at the dicovery that i have four breadmolds and even christmas cookie tins

and its like that with every room in the house, theres stuff in plain sight i dont want to keep, theras stuff i didnt even know i had that i cant decide whethar i want or not specifically cus im so surprised i even have it and because of nostalgia, theres gifted stuff i actually like, then theres gifted stuff i dont even want to keep cus its just utterly useless to me. like the roomba dad "gave" me because he thought itd help keep the house clean. except its a much bigger hassle than its worth and it can only do one room and its a room i dont use so why bother. i als put gave in quotation marks cus hes coming to pick it up some da, no fucking clue when cus he just said "some day", cus he wants it back so grandma can have it. like. yes fair enough shes struggling to keep the house clean but its still annoying that this keeps happening over and over why does my family keep giving me shit then wanting it back. mom gave me their toaster so i wouldnt have to buy one but she went and just took it cus she just needed it while i was in inpatient. like. ive got furniture i got from either her or dad too. a table and chair set, a dresser, some lamps, christmas ornaments and shit, a christmas tree, some bowls mom gave me so id have bwls until i could buy myself bowls, etc. like i dont use any of it and they can gladly have it all back but they do not get to complain when i try to get rid of it and they dont want it either, and i dont want them changing their mind and wanting the stuff i actually like and use back. i wanna keep that one chair dad gave me and thats non-negotiable.

like. i just really wanna start over w the house. sell or give away all the shit i dont want so i can actually manage everything without exhautsing myself and getting rid of stuff i only keep cus i need it regardless of whether i want it or not. starting over completely interior-design-wise so ill have a better idea of what stuff i actually enjoy and what i actually use and what just feels trashy or just takes up space it doesnt need to take.

anyways i cleaned the bathroom today then washed my hair so thats nice

[trademarkhubris]

dark thoughts about how good for the economy floods and other small disasters like the one i endured, or bigger ones i really dont want to think abt rn. my insurance is actually one of the less annoying out there. they'll ask for a quote from a specialist and send the money and then you can do wtf you want. for the most part.

but thats for... the pool, the walls... immovable property... anything thats furniture is reimbursed based on the purchasing price, minus 10% per year since purchase. that means if an object is ten years old, you get zilch.

my big freezer has a good 20 years behind it, it got toasted in the flood. the small summer fridge is from 2005, maybe it survived. the karsher is 15 years old, dead. the compressor is??? maybe it survived, maybe it didnt, but i saw it floating on its belly in mud water so yeah. the small oven and microwave i was keeping from a friend were his grandma's, dead. my washing machine is from at least 2010, only one button works now, it starts on its own & we cant change the programs anymore. my fridge is from the fucking fifties. its not broken *yet* but this year has not been a lucky year so far

plus two of the cars got water in... they're starting but if theres water damage thats not covered... and the vehicle safety inspection just got harder to pass... my mechanic had like 6 or 7 cars behind the garage that were just. going to the junkyard.

so will my insurance refund the time spent washing the house and garden?! or spent looking for my goldfish in the grass. or spent wondering if the cat last seen under a car made it somewhere else bc the water is now halfway to the tyres. or all the food that unfroze. or stressig over how this could probably happen again anytime now bc the environment is so fucked next week is heatwave then rain then heatwave then thunderstorm and the town doesnt care abt how shitty their water evacuation system is and the power outages did i mention the power outages bc these clowns make their live wires with ass hair

& they also dont refund the time spent on the phone with people saying "some people have it worse than you do!" yeah thanks! if you had two cents of empathy you'd realize all the reasons why that doesn't make me feel better! but youre just doing your job so i'll shut the fuck up!

im not... we're not dirt poor... we have a money cushion rn... bc family members died... but its money im so fucking scared to touch... bc i dont have a job... my moms job is not super well paying... we have way too many animals... the *human* health insurance here is pretty fucking great but i dont have a health insurance for every pet i have... and they need to eat... and we need to eat... the house is relatively expensive to maintain and we need to put it back in shape if we want to sell it to find a smaller less costly one... and now floods... that money is something we're all in all really fucking lucky to have, and i say that knowing a beloved grandpa died for us to have it

(and on that note; i can't 100% guarantee that for my entire life bc i dont know what the future is made of, but for as long as i can help it i will not have a ko-fi or a gofundme or even an amazon wishlist. theres so many people deeper in money issues than i have ever been. i cant pretend to understand what theyre going through or that i deserve even one percent of what they need.)

anyway thats not what i was gonna say. do you know how good for economy these disasters are? i gotta buy so much shit rn. even if i get help, that money is moving around and into some rich man's picket. my mechanic is overworked (but he always is lmao its the countryside theres always a car to repair) the car carriers have so much work the one who came for us found a way to make our car work again so he could *not* transport it.

theres so much money going around rn lmao. money to the laundromat bc our washer is kaput and we used a lot of towels and drapes to sponge off the water inside, and also regular clothes. money for the new pressure wash to take care of the mud everywhere in the verandas and garages. my neighbor got like 80 cm of mud in her house and she has to remake everything. she lost everything! shes gotta re-buy all that stuff! she'll get help but it's still money moving around! yaaaay!!!!!

so yeah! the planet's so fucked up it's mud party inside my neighbor's house! but the economy fucking LOVES that shit. gobbles it up like a babybel. doesnt even take the red wax off. om nom nom nom nom

anyway im fine its fine its cool isnt it cool everythings cool and fine and awesome late stage capitalism is a dream

[cathrynstreich]

20 Step Checklist to Prepare Your Home for Real Estate Photos

If youve ever sold a home, you would probably agree that the daynbsp;the photographer arrives is one of the mostnbsp;anxious times of the entire selling process. Everything has to be completely ready by the appointment time. Its a lot of stress. As a photographer, its common for me to show up on the day of a photo shoot to find the sellers frantically trying to finish the last steps of their cleaning amp; staging process. If youve ever been in this position, you understand the stress. The struggle is real. Our Realtors work hard to help our clients get to this point of the selling process without much chaos. We use checklists and coaching visits from stagers, cleaners, and experienced agents to create a clear scope of work that makes our sellers homes look amazing BEFORE the photographer shows up. I emphasizenbsp;BEFORE the photographer shows up because there are sellers who think that the photos, videos, 3D tours, Floorplans, and marketing are just a small piece of the selling puzzle. They plan to have it all done before showings, but may not take the deadline before photos as seriously. In reality, these marketing strategies are the MOST IMPORTANT piece of the puzzle The marketing of your home will dramaticallynbsp;impact your buyers opinion of your house, and your sales price. The understanding of this is why real estate marketingnbsp;has changed so drastically over the past few years.nbsp; Its important for home sellers to understand the role of the photographer/videographer and how valuable they are to home selling success. One of the most important things to know about your professionalnbsp;real estate photographer/videographer is that they are truly artists. They can make your home look absolutely amazing with their skill sets. When your photographernbsp;shows up, they are going to walk the house and spend some time searching out the most important aspects to highlight for potential buyers. Seasoned professionals have developed a uniquely honed in ability to identify the pros and cons of the home, and know how to showcase the best parts ofnbsp;the property to lure buyers in. Their experience and trade tools allow them to manipulate light and space to make your home look as big and bright as possible. Since your photographer/videographer is an artist, you will get significantly more out of their services if your house is completely ready when they arrive. Artists can get distractednbsp;if they have to rearrange and tidy rooms before a shoot. After all, thats not exactly part of their job description. You want their attention to be focused on a bright amp; tidy home, not on the work it takes to get the home to that point. Theyre often on a tight schedule, and time spent doing your job is time they cant spend doing theirs. To get the most out of your professionalnbsp;real estate photographer, follow the checklist below. It will help ensure that your house is photo ready and welcoming to the artist coming to film/shoot your house. It will help the photographer/videographer emotionally connect to your home, allowing inspiration to flow freely, enabling them to make it look as alluring as possible. This translates to more money in your pocket when you sell your homenbsp;nbsp; Heres a checklist of the top 20 items to prepare your home for photos. (Each item is explained in more detail below the infographic.) nbsp; Clear amp; Clean Kitchen Counters amp; Sink When the kitchen counters are completely cleared off, it makes the kitchen look bigger, and buyers can imagine how they might use the space. Coffee makers, mixers, and decorations only distract buyers, and often make the kitchen feel cluttered. Remove everything but perhaps a few decorative items from the countertops and clean all surface areas, including the appliances, kitchen sink and back splash. nbsp; Clear amp; Clean Bathroom Sinks, Tubs, and Showers Place all of the shampoo bottles, soaps, shaving razors, and other items into a bin that can fit underneath the bathroom sink. Take everyhing off of the bathroom counter as well. You want the bathrooms to appear vacant. Clean, neatly folded towels on towel racks are fine. Replacenbsp;Burned Out Light Bulbs This is one of the most overlooked items on the list. Be sure to check all of the ceiling lights, as well as extra lamps and exterior lights to make sure that they all work. If there are dark areas in the homes, such as a basement, add a few extra lamps to brighten them up. Floor lamps that provide up-lighting are great The more light, the better nbsp; Turn Onnbsp;ALL Lights Throughout The Entire House Lighting is one of the most important aspects of photography. Its important to have as much light at possible. Turn on all of the lights in the house, including lamps and exterior lights. Your photographer will be happy to find your home in its brightest light when they arrive. nbsp; Open ALL Window Treatments Natural light from windows brings life and emotion into real estate photos. We recommend opening all of the window treatments throughout the entire house to let in as much light as possible. If its too bright outside, your photographer will alter your shades and curtains to balance the shot. Dont forget to clean the windows nbsp; Remove Unnecessary Furniture amp; Decorations This is probably the most difficult request for sellers, but its one of the most important items on the list. Removing and storing excess or large bulky furniture can be challenging, but it opens up the floor space and makes the home look much larger. Its wise to consult a professional stager to determine which items should stay or go. This is truly one of those situations where less is more. nbsp; Remove Floor Mats and Runners Floor mats and runners are great at protecting your floors, but they can make the overall floor space look smaller, which in turn makes the room look smaller. Make sure to roll up and remove all of the floor mats in the bathrooms, kitchen, and laundry areas. If you have any rugs, consult a stager to determine whether or not they should stay. nbsp; Turn All Ceiling Fans, TVs, and Computer Screens Off Most photographers use HDR photography, which takes multiple light exposures for each photo and combines them into one final shot. Any moving items like ceiling fans or active TV/Computer screens look very strange in HDR. For this reason, we recommend turning off anything that moves or causes motion blur. nbsp; Clear Appliance surfaces of Magnets andnbsp;Clutter Its common to keep magnets, notes, reminders, and other personal information on the refrigerator. We ask our sellers to remove all magnets, calendars, and personal items from the refrigerator and any other place where they place notes.nbsp; It will not only make your home appear tidier, it keeps your personal info safe from the general public. nbsp; Make All of the Beds This is an obvious one that surprisingly gets overlooked often, especially in the secondary bedrooms. Be sure to make and decorate all the beds with matching sheets, blankets, and pillows. Use bedding that covers the entire bed and fits the mattress correctly. Use decorative pillows to brighten up the bed, if possible. If a room is clean, and the bed isnt made right, it makes the whole room seem off. nbsp; Remove ALL Personal Photos and Items Its hard for buyers to visualize themselves in your house if your personal items are everywhere. Since you want your buyers to focus on the house and not on you, youll need to remove all personal photos and items from the entire house; including patios, porches, and garages. nbsp; Put All Shoes amp; Jackets in Closets When buyers see shoes and jackets on coat racks and entryway floors, they subconsciously assume that the home lacks storage space. Its best to remove all jackets and shoes from anywhere that they can be seen throughout the entire house. Store away any loose items to remove all distractions. nbsp; Clear All Night Stands and Dressers Night stands tend to accumulate items naturally. Half-read books, prescription bottles, tissues, and electronic devices will quickly clutter these areas. Remove everything but a lamp and one decorative item, such as a small floral arrangement or decorative book to make the area look clean and presentable. Think of a freshly cleaned hotel room. nbsp; Remove ALL Pet Items Not everyone has pets. In fact, some people are severely allergic to animals. Its extremely important to make sure that your house shows no signs of pets; especially pet smells. Spend some time getting this part right, as it is one of the biggest factors in home price reductions and negative feedback from home buyers.nbsp; Consider that you could be nose blind to the smell, as you live in it every day.nbsp; Ask a neutral party for their honest opinion before listing. nbsp; Tidy Up the Yard amp; Landscaping First impressions are very important, so make sure that the front yard is cleaned up and all of the landscaping is trimmed back and tidy. The first picture that people will see of your home will be the outside front yard shot, so it really needs to be presented in its very best condition. nbsp; Sweep up the Porch/Patio/Deck This step is imperative in the Fall when leaves accumulate daily. Make sure that the entire front and back porches are swept clean, and remove any items that you can live without. If possible, stage these areas with flowers and decorative items to create a relaxing space that invites home buyers in. nbsp; Clear All Cars from Road amp; Driveway Its never good to have cars in the driveway during real estate photos. Always remove all cars, trucks, RVs, and trailers from the driveway and front of the house. If you are friends with your neighbors and feel comfortable doing so, you could even ask them to move their cars from the road to make the street look quiet and inviting in your photos. nbsp; Hide All Garbage Cans amp; Lawn Equipment Large garbage cans and unsightly lawn equipment can be very distracting in real estate photos. Put all of the trash cans in the garage, along with garden hoses, lawn mowers, and other yard maintenance tools. Keep the lawn free and clear of any small toys and pet items as well. nbsp; Remove Outdoor Cooker Covers Its time to show off that awesome bar-b-que grill, not hide it Smoker and grill covers should be removed so that cookers are exposed and ready for use. If its an old grill that needs to be covered because its rusty and unsightly, its better to just remove or throw it out completely. nbsp; Open Up Patio Umbrellas If its not too windy during your photo shoot, be sure to open up any patio umbrellas to stage the area. Dust off chairs and set up the area as though you are going to enjoy it with friends later. Fresh outdoor pillows and flowers will create an inviting space for your photographer to highlight while theyre in your backyard. nbsp; A Few Extra Things to Be Aware Of: Be Prepared to Reschedule Most photographers work around the weather because it has such a strong impact on the final marketing materials. Its impossible to fly drones and get footage if its raining or extremely windy. Be prepared to have your agent call and reschedule your photo shoot if the weather takes a dramatic turn for the worst. If a professional determines he/she should wait, trust them that its for the best. Be Prepared to Leave for a Few Hours At Great Colorado Homes, we use 3D imaging technology that will scan every part of the home, yard and garage. If you have pets or kids running through the house during a photo shoot, they are likely to be in the 3D tour somewhere. This is a big problem. Its best to plan to leave your home and give the photographer a non-occupied space to work with. It also helps them to not get distracted. Even if youre just shuffling from room to room to stay out of the way, its very distracting. You will get the most out of the process if the home is unoccupied. Leave Instructions for the Photographer to Lock Up When your professional photographer/videographer is finished, they will usually message the Realtor who scheduled the photo shoot to let them know that they are done. If youve followed our advice and arent home, leave a key and/or instructions to let the photographer know your preferred method of locking up when they leave. nbsp; Final Thoughts: The marketing of your home is the most important piece of the selling puzzle, and it begins with your preparation paired with a great photographer/videographer.nbsp; Having the items on this checklist completed will ensure that your home will be ready before they arrive, which will enable you to get the most out of their time and talent.nbsp; Youve likely done a lot of work to get your home ready to sell; dont fizzle out at the end when these details matter the most Remember, great marketing leads to great offers nbsp; 20 Step Checklist to Prepare Your Home for Real Estate Photos published first on https://thegardenresidences.tumblr.com/

[samanthasroberts]

‘It’s flavourful as hell’: welcome to Hawaii’s annual Spam festival

In Britain its a joke. In Hawaii its a delicacy. Why does the luncheon meat have such a cult following?

Not even the drizzle can deter the crowds unspooling along Hawaiis Waikiki Beach. As late April showers fall upon Kalakaua Avenue, the roads are lined three-deep with sunburned tourists, surfer bros and silver-haired pensioners. Their colourful T-shirts, flower garlands and fancy dress costumes are soaked by rain, but eagerly they wait. Suddenly, a chorus of tiny ukuleles starts to play. The procession begins. Are they waiting to pay homage to a visiting dignitary or religious leader? No. Theyre here to celebrate Hawaiis favourite food: the immortal luncheon meat called Spam.

I join snaking queues for seemingly endless food stalls, each dish more absurd than the last: Spam pizza, Spam fried rice, Spam crackers, Spam pho, deep-fried mac and cheese bites (with Spam) and, of course, Spam fritters. I spot some Spam-infused macadamia nuts, and a slab of grilled Spam atop sticky rice, doused in soy and bound with seaweed: Spam sushi. Theres even Spam dipped in chocolate.

Serious Spam fans are focused on buying up rare flavours such as Spam Mezclita, Spam Tocino and Spam Portuguese Sausage. Others snap selfies beneath a giant arch of Spam cans, or gawp at a catamaran festooned with Spam tins. Kids try their luck at the Spam wheel of fortune, hoping to take home a branded T-shirt or headphones. I stumble into a king-sized Spam can made of foam, with human arms and legs sticking out. Inside is Honolulu Foodbank employee John Valdez. What would Hawaii be without Spam? he shouts through the costume. It would be boring!

Welcome to Spam Jam, the largest gathering of tinned pork enthusiasts on Earth. Today, I am one of 20,000 fans at the 15th annual event. The residents of Americas 50th state eat more Spam per capita than anywhere on earth, with Hawaiian steak found on five-star restaurant menus and at McDonalds. Last year, 8m cans were sold here and thats just the regular-sized ones, not counting Spam Singles, Spam Spread or smaller tins. But its not just Hawaii that adores Spam: in time for Spams 80th birthday on 5 July, global can sales topped 8bn.

Cans of Spam on display at the Spam Jam. Photograph: Marco Garcia for the Guardian

In Britain, Spam is derided as fish bait, furniture varnish or gun grease; there have long been rumours that it contains pigs lips, snouts, trotters and tail. In fact, it lists just a half-dozen ingredients: pork with ham (Two cuts of the pig. One perfectly tender and juicy flavour), water, salt, sugar, potato starch and sodium nitrite. Spams makers are keen to point out that theres no hidden scrapings or useless bits of pork, and that its all from the shoulder or rear. In fact, at 90% pork, Spam rivals some luxury sausages. Yet in the UK its reputation is up there with Turkey Twizzlers, while its high salt and fat content make it the kind of processed food we now avoid for our health. If Spam is known in Britain as a culinary punchline, why is it so popular across the Atlantic?

In Austin, Minnesota, population 24,716, all roads lead to Spam. Spamtown USA, as it is sometimes known, is a cutesy, model version of a city, all straight lines and artificial lakes. It was here in 1891 that George A Hormel founded a family meatpacking firm that would one day become a Fortune 500 mainstay, employing one in six of Austins inhabitants. Hormels got his feet sticking out the window again, schoolchildren used to say, when the porky odour floated out factory doors.

Georges son, Jay Hormel, was a born opportunist: as a child, hed pay two cents for housewives unwanted sink grease, then hawk it to his fathers soap-making divisionfor twice the price. In 1929, he succeeded George as president and soon came up with a way to make use of rarely butchered pork shoulder meat. He adapted a Napoleonic food preservation technique, adding salt and sodium nitrite to keep it pink and ward off botulism, and at the same time making it indefinitely edible. By 1942, Hormel Foods was selling $120m- worth of Spam a year.

Anne and Mark I Love Spam Benson are in town to marry at the local Spam museum. Photograph: Marco Garcia for the Guardian

Hormel-owned structures still dominate Austins skyline. Theres the stinky plant, rolling office blocks and the Hormel Institute, a biomedical research centre. The apex of the citys microscopic tourist industry is a newly revamped Spam museum, an Ikea-coloured time capsule of social, military and pop culture history. With Spam print beanbags, touch-sensitive screens and a jungle gym, the museum is aimed at the meat lovers of tomorrow, but when I visit it is also packed with elderly locals and Mormon missionaries. Inside, a bespectacled tour guide finds everything Spamazing, including a production line of cans that whizz overhead like Scalextric.

It is the meat that won the war, my guide cheerily informs me. During the second world war, allied soldiers consumed 68,000 tonnes of Spam, but Jay Hormel was devastated by the hate mail he received. The language people use! he told the New Yorker in 1945. If they think Spam is terrible, they ought to have eaten the bully beef we had in the last war. Hormel died in 1954, before President Eisenhower sent a letter with a personal pardon. I ate my share of Spam Ill even confess to a few unkind remarks about it, he wrote, on the firms 75th anniversary in business. But as former commander-in-chief, I believe I can still officially forgive you your only sin: sending us so much of it.

Spam couture. Photograph: Marco Garcia for the Guardian

Today, the Spam museum is hosting its first wedding. Tying the knot are an eccentric British couple, Anne Mousley, 33, and Mark Benson, 42. A smiley care worker from Liverpool, Benson recently changed his middle name by deed poll to I Love Spam.His grandfather worked in Liverpools Spam factory after the war. No prizes for guessing the wedding buffet. Its like nothing else, says Benson of his favourite food, which he eats at least twice a week. Bit of a bacon flavour, bit of a porky flavour. Its totally unique. Spam aficionados of such calibre are rare, although I do learn of one Nebraskan man who in 2007 survived a 30-day Spam-only eating challenge.

Meanwhile, in South Korea, second only to America for Spam consumption, profits are booming. During the lunar new year, Spam is given as a gift, and budae jjigae, a Spam-infused army stew from the second world war, remains popular.

I learn that island territories such as Guam and Micronesia see Spam as a life-saver. During extreme weather, Spams limitless shelf life makes it a Pacific Islanders best friend. Later, I speak to a wild-haired Spam celebrity in rural Alaska, known as Mr Whitekeys. For 26 years, he ran a Spam-themed bar, complete with frequent Spammer cards buy 10 meals, get one free. If you want meat, you gotta have Spam, he says via Skype. Why? You cant get fresh supplies in large amounts, and half the time you dont have refrigeration.

Back in sunny Hawaii, breakfast beers are noisily slammed on a plastic folding table. Three miles from Waikiki Beach, I am mingling with professional chefs at the esteemed Kakaako farmers market, surrounded by organic produce and artisanal pasta. Keen to know what islanders really think of Spam, I talk to chef Mark Gooch Noguchi, 43, who runs the Pili Group, a culinary movement based around healthy, sustainable food. The opposite, one would assume, of Spam.

Spam-based dishes on display at Spam Jam 2017. Photograph: Marco Garcia for the Guardian

But I love, love, love Spam, Noguchi tells me, unprompted, between swigs of beer, dressed in shorts, flip-flops and a loud flowery shirt. We grew up on it, he explains, passing me a pan-fresh beef taco. I remember when I was cooking in New York, other chefs would joke with me, like, Ha, you guys eat Spam, he says. But our parents had gone through the second world war. The big joke among local people is that if you visit your grandparents and look downstairs, theres six cases of toilet paper, four cases of paper towels and three cases of Spam. In Hawaii, Spam is the cement that bonds its many cultures from Japanese, Filipino and Hawaiian native, through to mainland United States. Noguchi proudly boasts that locals can tell Spam from its canned-pork competitors Tulip and Treet. Elsewhere, Spam is slowly being appropriated by hipster culture, just like scotch eggs and avocado before it. Its both an indulgence of nostalgia and two fingers up to eating clean. In Londons Soho, Jinjuu restaurant makes a Spamarita cocktail, mixing Spam-infused Ocho tequila with mezcal, pineapple, citrus, mandarin orange and agave nectar. And Saint Marc, an upscale restaurant in Huntington Beach, California, has a hidden Spam speakeasy known as the Blind Pig.

Flipping Spam burgers. Photograph: Marco Garcia for the Guardian

Its revered, man, says Nina Pullella, 36, a chef I meet at Kakaako market. I think its the challenge of taking a can off the shelf this strange food from the second world war and doing something spectacular. Pullella is a vegan, from New Jersey via Italy, yet she still oozes praise for Spam as an ingredient (Its flavourful as hell, right?). After three hours at the market, I find just one person down on Spam. And she wont talk on record. Are you kidding? Ill have the whole island on my back, she whispers.

Night falls on Waikiki Beach. As the raindrops evaporate, a female rock band loudly tests the suspension of a flatbed stage. There is a snaking queue for OnoPops, an ice-cream company that flogs a Spam-based popsicle. Its a heartstrings thing, explains owner Josh Lanthier-Welch, 46, a stout man with a goatee. Though a Spam devotee, he warns of the dangers of excess: The Spam musubi [sushi] is a symbol of whats wrong with the local diet. It is so beloved, but living on Spam, white rice and nori will kill you.

As the festival comes to a close, I decide to break my 20-plus years of Spam abstinence (I havent touched the stuff since childhood). Im handed a skewer of cold cubed Spam and crunchy vegetables. I sink my teeth into the soft meat, and am transported back to my youth. The salty, pork-ish flavour wafts up my nostrils. I feel dirty and a little bit sick. Next I try a hot Spam katsu sandwich, from Hula Grill. I take a small bite. Then a larger one. It has a deep, smoky bacon flavour, offset by rich katsu sauce. It is, Im almost embarrassed to say, tremendous. Spam tempura fries, Spam corn dogs and Spam dim sum soon follow.

As I chew, I wonder if Spam deserves its reputation. Perhaps Brits just lack the imagination to cook Spam right. Or maybe, like KitKats in Japan or David Hasselhoffs mega-stardom in Germany, Spam should simply remain a pop culture anomaly the American Marmite that one either loves or hates.

Spam-flavoured macadamia nuts. Photograph: Marco Garcia for the Guardian

Spam fritters

Serves three.

340g Spam (ie, 1 can) 150g plain flour 225ml cold water 3 tbsp olive oil Buttered roll (optional) Cut the Spam lengthways into six thick slices. Put the flour in a mixing bowl and slowly introduce the water, whisking, until you have a smooth batter.

Heat the oil in a large frying pan. Dip each slice of Spam in the batter mix, shake to drain off any excess and lay in the hot pan. When its golden and crisp on one side, flip and repeat until its brown and crisp on both sides.

Serve in a buttered roll, if desired, with chips and peas on the side.

Source: http://allofbeer.com/2017/10/08/its-flavourful-as-hell-welcome-to-hawaiis-annual-spam-festival/

from All of Beer https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2017/10/08/its-flavourful-as-hell-welcome-to-hawaiis-annual-spam-festival/

[nebulous-walkabout]

sands of identity falling thru an hourglass

driving past danny bonaduce’s house everyday looking at the uncut grass and dereliction that was his property and feeling the dread that the life of the washed up dj on '104.3 the golden oldies' in chicago is one of the first emotions i remember feeling tied to music. the stale decaying music that got played over and over for people that wouldnt try anything new, to me seemed destructive and soul crushing. thats generally where we first experience music though, in the back seat of our parents car. and my mom loved the oldies. of course it wasnt until a decade later when he would come out as a crackhead on celebrity rehab that it really made sense why the red headed kid from the partridge family wouldnt mow his lawn. for some reason that i cannot find though, this feeling i got when i would drive past his house with my mom while listening to his radio show, is still the feeling i get when i hear most old music. my musical taste is shaped by what i would absorb in my first few years on earth. they were a strange time for me, like most awkward kids. and we moved a few times, like most awkward kids. but we also moved stratospherically thru the socioeconomic structure when i was too young to understand it. when i was 6 or 7 in the first house i remember, we got a bose cd player and i discovered my parents cds. one of the first ones i remember playing over and over was smashing pumpkins' mellon collie and infinite sadness. i remember springsteen albums everywhere. live. even 4 non-blondes. rolling stones. that stuff laid the foundation for how i would unconsciously receive music and form my own taste. of course after you discover your parents music, you hunt out your own. and in the early 90's that was all about MTV. sure when youre 8 you dont understand it. but you know what other people think is cool. and i think that was the point. i dont know how the older kids consumed their mtv, but i can tell you 90's kids and later were all told exactly what they should like and listen to by VJ's we wish we were still dressing like. thats what informed us. taught us what kind of music we should explore, so later when we were old enough to peruse the aisles of tower records alone we could actually find what we like. the thing that made mtv better than the radio early on was it was selling an entire culture, not just pop hits. all sorts of atrocities from the faux fashion world of 1994 were pushed into the minds of millions of kids who let it define their childhoods. from mtv you found the sound, then you went out and tried to find it again in something else. after school most days i would hang out at my neighbor's house, he was older and actually my brothers friend, but i remember coming into possession of a Green Jelly CD at his house one day and my world changed. it was something i thought was uniquely for me, but how could it be? thats what music was about back then, buying into the idea that youre cool for liking this thing that everyone else likes too. quickly after that you start in on green day, and you love dookie, but you love it more because you think the secret song is just for you. and its a treat. and you use the music to make you louder. and you scream. but everyone is screaming. and no one else can hear you. i remember where i was when the news came on and told the world kurt cobain died. i was in the living room being forced to eat macaroni and cheese by my older cousin. i can still remember the carpet, but not the furniture. and its not so much that as a nine year old that i cared so much that kurt cobain died, because as a kid you dont really know who he is, you just know hes nirvana and hes cool. and your parents want to keep you away from the tv bc they dont want you thinking about hot guys killing themselves. fine. but that only made you like nirvana even more. then thats the sound. all i ever knew was that i really liked loud music, and thats all i ever liked. you start hating that youve been listening to B96 with all the girls that would grow up to be wannabe valley girls. you run around thinking you like music before you really know what it is. your identity at this age starts to be formed by it, although at this age its formed around the cool shit you do on your bikes when youre with youre friends. it relies upon how long you hold the controller before you die and have to let your friends play whatever video game you just got.

and then you move. youre alone. youve gone from this world you knew, and had a place in, to a very different place. for me it was even stranger, moving from a normal neighborhood with friends next door, to a place where you couldnt see your neighbors house, and your friends were always a car ride away. the houses were huge. the land was massive. and youre alone in the center of both. you become dependent on finding ways to occupy yourself. you start making your own mixtapes off the radio. you continue to make them better, tape over the songs youre tired of. you steal your older brother cd's. and then my parents had one of these giant motorized satelite dishes installed. it got everything. my new source of new kinds of music was movies on tv. movies like bio-dome changed my musical course. you hear a different kind of punk. and sure now you look back and its shitty, but back then it represented a change. and you felt good, and you want to be pauly shore with stephen baldwins terrible dreadlocks. and you want to dye your skin blue and skydive strapped into a drum kit. so you start taking drum lessons. and then you realize youre the weird kid. i didnt care. i liked what i liked, i didnt fit in with the way the rest of the rich kids liked to be. sure i had friends, but i had more than enough time to sit at home alone and absorb the world i thought i wanted to be a part of. for the last couple years before the internet descended from the heavens my musical taste was almost entirely forged by movie soundtracks. empire records, dazed and confused, and trainspotting. ever since then the joy i feel watching a movie depends almost exclusively on what im hearing behind the the people talking. my choice of movie relies on music, and to some extent the reverse is true as well, although i can enjoy music without a movie, but i cant enjoy a movie without music. this is something that has remained true throughout the rest of my life up until today.  in fact, thinking back, it is probably the reason i love so many terrible movies, because if it has a good soundtrack i dont really care how bad the story is. i would find myself more and more trying to find music from movies when walking the aisles at tower. i always wished i had a tower closer to my house, so my trips were not as frequent as i would have liked. instead often times i was marooned at home watching the golden age of music video technology. a period in time where who was making what video was news. the last couple years of mtv's usefulness was a weird time, in that trl and the rest of its programming was pointing us all towards a very specific set of music and videos again. it was like we jumped back in time 10 years and all we were given access to was the top 10, just like the radio had been doing for years. but then something changed. and it was everything. all the sudden your reach was limitless with a computer. all of the sudden it didnt matter that i was sitting alone at home. i had a computer, and for the first couple years the music came to me at 56.6kbps over the phone. i would sit up in the office under my moms painting studio on the other side of the house and just watch those status bars slowly fill in while i waited for my music. there was no limit. you would hear bands on mtv, early in the morning or late at night, or youd watchsnl or conan or kilborn. you never knew any of the bands but they informed your musical zeitgeist. and after you heard something you would know if it was 'it' or not, and if it was, you put it in queue to download. next thing you know youre listening to narcotic by liquido. your infinite musical catalog in the year 2000 was only limited by one thing: your drive to find new music. and so thats the way its been for almost 20 years. with endless new music at my fingertips, im still always floored by certain songs that i love but almost never hear anymore. part of the joy comes from knowing people would laugh at me if they came across me listening to certain things i like. in most cases these songs are terrible and im in the minority for loving them but theyre a part of me. and if you can listen to 'give it up' by cut'n'move without getting into it, youre a robot. by the time i was a teenager i was just another white kid living in a whitewashed world all day, anytime i left my room i was surrounded by people walking around with starched collars. but at home and in my car i could listen to my music as loud as i wanted, i made an obnoxious effort to let people know i was them. i would drive around in a range rover, with the harmon/kardon sub in the back turned up all the way, didnt matter where i was, school, the park, practice, the country club, they all heard what i was listening to, it didnt matter if it was pearl jams' crazy mary or the st lunatics. our world changed when our ability to freely pick out our own music tailored by our own tastes and informed by exposure to stuff like thestraightdope.com or whoever's music was playing in the background of kurt loders news updates. since then ive used peoples taste in music against them. it wasnt that i really cared what they listened to as much as what they wouldnt listen to. its a good barometer in my eyes. people that cant discern good music for themselves generally cant do much at all on their own. its my firm belief that if youre open about not liking something then you should at least have a reason. were living in a time where every thing you see or do is interrupted by someone trying to sell you on their idea.  the freedoms to be yourself appear to again be fleeting. the last bastion of personal freedom is quickly becoming monetized in a way it hasnt been before. the same way mtv turned into the channel that plays teenage mom all day, people are finding ways to sell people the same generic package again. you have to fight hard to find your personal space in this world and be yourself. while my musical taste is a representation of me and me alone, its sort of like a batch of cookies. my cookie might have more chocolate chips but all the dough came from the same bowl.

[forestryfae]

like i LITERALLY JUST want to be able to get rid of the house. i just wanna get rid of it and not have to keep paying for i ad i wanna move somewhere i will actually like living and im not stuck at home unless someone "graciously" drives me, and get a job so i actually have money and can afford to save up money for thing i genuinely want and havent just taught myself to want because its cheap and its decent so i should like it, and to actually have a nice clean tidy house, and a car so i can buy some FUCKING boxes and plasic bags so i can get rid of all the shit i dont want and maybe even just straight up sell or give away the nicer stuff i dont want. like thats it. but i just straight up dont have that option cus i gotta make food for myself so i dont starve and i need to relax too so i dont literally burn myself out and i need to sleep and i have to shower and pee sometimes too like i JUST want to be able to clean the house non-stop for like a week straight. i just wanna put shit in garage bags and throw them out. noones gonna want fucking 1 year old hairdye or unused makeup or three identical mugs or a fuckton of reuseable straws and i dont think i have the patience to sell a bunch of clothes even tho theyre perfectly fine and barely used. unless people come pick up the shit themselves, in which id be more than willing to just give shit away if they did that so i dont have to deal with the fucking transport or shipping.

i just have SO MUCH SHIT and its mostly garbage or shit i dont want or use anymore. or its fucking gifted shit i dont want anymore because frankly, why is my only option to get any furniture always to either buy thrifted shit or be given secondhand shit from my family. its one thing if i want it but they dont even ask or show it to me first and they dont help me when i want something new and actually useful. they just show up and theyve brought me something and we thought maybe youd need it so well just leave it here and you can get rid of it if you dont want it. I PHYSICALLY CANT GET RID OF IT. I DONT HAVE A CAR. and im not throwing perfectly useable but ugly lamps in the regular trash. take it to a fucking thrift store you morons. get rid of some of your shit instead of giving it to me. if you cant manage to get rid of it without giving it to someone so youll know its safe or whatever the fuck then just. dont get rid of it. keep it yourself. dont give shit to me so i can borrow it indefinitely. like i JUST. want MY OWN PLACE. THAT I CAN FEEL OKAY IN. and not feel like its a pissing contest every fucking time someone comes over cus they GOTTA fill my house with shit, they just HAVE TO do shit without even discussing it with me, i literally cant say no i dont want visitors today without them showing up and throwng a bitchfit when theyre not welcome the one day i said i didnt want to see anyone, they dont take a no i dont want help with that as an answer and do it anyways, i cant even buy my own shit cus they take over and do everythig for me.

no fucking independence or control or boundaries or respect or basic fucking decency and absolutely no empathy or compassion at all.

i have to BEG them to come visit me and they still wont do it, but when i go grocery shopping and need a ride i dont get home until after 9pm and more often than not close to 1 am, and the ONE time i explicitly said i didnt want visitors was the one day mom showed up and threw a bitchfit cus i was upset. i told mom i spent literally hours every day crying and feeling anxious and awful and she just ignored it and forgot to call the doctor the one time she offered to do it for me. i dont even get to be a part of renovating the house cus mom and stepdad took over and wont talk to me and spent all the money and wont even talk to me about the money or tell me whats in the bank accounts unless someone else asks on my behalf. noone is willing to teach me to drive even tho mom nagged me when i was 17. i can literally not talk to anyone about my feelings or shit im worried about, i literally only hear about how its my fault somehow, or i get some useless advice that doesnt help cus it doesnt fucking apply, or i get an empty promise that theyll help and then nothing happens and im selfish for asking and nagging them cus they have their own lives and their lives cant revolve around me. which is so fucking ironic cus i dont even get a phonecall once a month to see how im doing or talk about things and i certainly dont get visitors unless its got to do with the house or that one time mom had a day off and apparently that means she can come visit with no heads up just so she can sit there and bitch about my dad or my brother. she doesnt ask how it was like living with them or how i feel about the situation or anything, its all them and their fucking feelings. its never about me and im made to feel stupid and embarrassed and childish and like a fucking moron any time i have emotions they dont want me to have.

and on top of all this i didnt even get talked to as a kid. i was practically useless and just something they leave unattended until they felt like yelling or screaming at me or wanted me to do chores or some other boring fucking activity that i didnt want to do. asking me how my day was or having a conversation or talking to me about something i liked or just regular conversations about stuff? nah fuck that do your homework and also dinner today is a fucking sandwich cus i wanna be in the garage doing my hobby and fixing cars.

and then i come home after having had a really good time at the inpatient unit im at, and its a mess and theres shit in places its not supposed to be and im up to my fucking neck in laundry and dishes and shes done something i didnt want her to do again, and i cant even complain cus i risk not having her help with the shit i actually need help with that i have no option in asking for, like grocery store rides or someone to feed my cats while im away or help renovating the house. i cant even ask for help to buy some fucking boxes or i risk never getting them.

like i JUST want a fucking car and license and i wanna get rid of this house and i want some godd damn boxes. literally the only things i need in life to be happy rn.