#theyre so lame i want to throw them at a wall

[sbeana]

one thing ill always appreciate about the locked tomb is how fucking funny the characters are intrinsically

[hymn-of-muse]

Not My Flower.

a Yasha x Reader requested by @botanicalbard

"tell me, bard. you've been seen with the nein quite often, you're familiar with them, yes? tell me all you know of them." a man demanded in a low tone, face obscured by shadow in the dimly lit room.

you'd left the tavern after you and your friends had a few drinks, all you wanted was a bit of fresh air as the ale started to take affect on you. you we not expecting, however, to be grabbed from behind and dragged into the alleyway next to the tavern, a hand silencing you and arms holding you firm so you couldnt run away.

the next thing you knew, you found yourself in a small room, windows covered up and the lighting too dim to make out any doorway outline, unless it was behind where you sat on a stool, ankles restrained and hands tied at the wrist around the support beam you were leaning against.

a man, clearly trying to intimidate you into talking about your friends weaknesses and secrets, stood over you with his arms crossed. you could hear someone in the corner shift, so you knew it wasnt just him here.

"i'll ask you again-"

"no i heard you" you interrupted "im just not sure what it is specifically you want to know, i mean theyre a lovely bunch, sure, but you cant just be so vague, do you want me to give you an introduction for each individual? i can do that in song!" you told him smugly

"what?" he gave a confused look upon your sudden compliance "no-no, no songs, just tell me-"

"are you sure? i got a really good one! oh! or i could sing you a tale of the mighty nein's greatest adventures thus far! what a brave and interesting party of beings they are, like this one time-"

"stop that!" the man snapped, agitated by your interruptions and clear attempt at stalling him for more time. "enough of your games, bard, just tell me what i ask of you and nothing more. if you comply, we'll consider letting you go unharmed. got it?"

"come on, you went through all this effort and all you want is a little information? why not a whole story, huh? not even one song? all you want is small talk? thats so boooring" you groaned, putting emphasis on the 'o' in boring.

the man gave a grunt of frustration as he grabbed hold of your shirt collar and got all threatening in your face. "shut up! just tell me each of their weaknesses, secrets, some information i can ACTUALLY use!"

"one, ew your breath smells. two, nah thats lame. besides, by now they likely know im gone and will come looking for me. you made a huge mistake thinking i was a good kidnapping choice." you chuckled, still smug as ever.

"yeah? what makes you so sure they'll find you?" he grumbled.

"because the barbarian's my girlfriend, and she can get really physical when shes angry"

"heh, you think youre safe? youre not going anywhere till i get something outta you" he glared, raising a fist to throw a punch just when the door swung open with a crash, breaking it off its hinges.

in the doorway now stood yasha after she'd kicked in the door, the light outside illuminating the room and as she stepped in with heavy foot falls, the anger on her face was clear as day. she gave an icy cold glare to the man who's fish was frozen in the air.

"how did you..?" the other person in the corner finally spoke up with a weak voice.

"your neighbors made a noise complaint" yasha stated, storming closer to the man who threatened you a minute before as he stumbled back and reached for a weapon to defend himself with.

when he tried to swing a club at her, she grabbed it and tore it out of his hands, tossing it to the side and grabbing him by the arm. she swung him around and threw him into the other person, knocking them both out on impact when the hit the wall.

"are you hurt?" yasha asked you as she quickly moved to undo your restraints, a gentle hand moving to the side of your face to make sure you were alright. the look of concern on her face said everything.

"i knew you'd find me" you smiled sweetly at her, leaning your head into her warm hand as her shoulders dropped in relief.

"of course i did. i wouldnt let anyone hurt you." she spoke with a light chuckle to her voice, hoisting you into her arms and walking out of the room as she carried you. "not my flower."

reblogs are appreciated! im sorry this took a while to get done! /g

[molqr]

the psycho nuts for the ask game lalala

YAUY C: i love to think of The Characters!!! X <- ask game link lalala

blorbo - fav character(s) - ouh god how could i not go for sasha and milla. its obviously them. oleander and loboto are great too but ohh those two have permenant residence in my mind. i tend to think about sasha more because he's an off-putting and very autistic green science man but theyre both great. milla makes me want to fall down on my hands and knees thinking about her for too long. no milla your swag is too strong. they'll kill you. they should watch austin powers movies together and smoke a bunt. they come as a set tbh. do not seperate!!

scrunkly - the 'babies', cuteness aggression character - half the games cast are teens/kids and raz is Literally Ten so the baby half of this is answered for!! why are you a child! anyway real answer though? no idea. i hardly see characters as the baby unless its for the bit. i want to comfort the kid versions of the adult characters you see in memory vaults though, does that count? enough horrors, lets go get you guys an oversized lollipop!!!

scrimblo bimblo - underrated/underappreciated fav - i think frazie aquato, raz's older sister, definitely has horrors and things going on and i wouldnt object to seeing her side of things during psychonaut's story. like, shes a psychic too! but she kept it hidden from her family because they hated them! and then thats suddenly flipped on its head and everything she was taught to hate about psychics, and by exstention herself, was just a big contradictory lie?? dude. i'd kill. theres more i could add onto this but the context is some pretty big spoilers so i shall zip my lipz.... i also need to think about cassie o'pia more. the tall bee lady!!! i really like her level in pn2, ive gotta dig my teeth into her story more. also her and compton qpr realness!!!

glup shitto - obscure fav - i cant think of anybody who feels obscure to me tbh! even the campers in psychonauts 1 have their own quick moments. speaking of, i'll probably go for chloe from pn1. shes just a weird alien girl!! sheegor too, she's great. a true obscure one though?

this thing. god i love the stupid lungfish baby its so stupid. it only shows up for like 5 seconds and its so fucking funny god

poor little meow meow - pathetic fav - i cant think of any favs i have that fall into the controversial category so im going for guys who are just lame. and i think loboto has plenty of those moments, it has to be coach oleander. hes really lame. i think hes just neat. i should rewatch a gameplay of the rhombus of ruin again just for him he has some great moments. sasha, are you holding the talking turtle. we love a short king etc. ...oh and maybe raz's dad just a little bit. nothing wrong with him besides being naturally flawed i just think hes a bit lame in pn2 and thats fun actually. does his wife know if hes single? i mean what. who said that.

horse plinko - character i'd torment for fun - oh theres a guy i have in mind but his entire identity is a spoiler. so, besides him, probably sasha. not because i hate him but rather i just want to throw him at the walls and see what would happen, lovingly. i mean i constantly used raz's psi-powers to attack other characters so i guess i was built for this but definitely sasha. i want to turn him into one of those gooey alien toys and throw him as hard as i can at the ceiling <3

eeby deeby - character i would send to superhell - ford cruller. why did he fucking do that. i'd let him out after a while im sure he'd be fine. also those scary children from the milkman conspiracy level because they were creepyyyy...

ask game complete!!!! thankes for reading, wahoo :3

[ahaura]

yellowjackets s2e9 lb

"the wilderness chose" I DONT THINK IT DID BUT OK!!!!

I RECOGNIZE THOSE CHORDS? GUITAR? HELLOOOOOOOO ITS BEEN YEARS

ZOMBIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

ok but like. the wilderness"" might have gotten into them but they CHOSE to do it that way like they CHOSE to let javi drown/freeze to death i think thats more them devolving into "survival on the only way know how to justify it to themselves" mode

also how insane is it that they were all willing to eat natalie 10 minutes ago and theyve all been starving and just like that your team turns on you bec "the wilderness chose' thats nuts

"give it a hunt" is this when my girl lisa dies. i will beat up misty for lisa idc

i dont mean to get personal on main but lottie's desperation...for lack of a better word... reminds me of me when i **** ** **** ***** and at that time i was just. so desperate to believe in [redacted] i was DESPERATE i was so far down i was just clawing at the pit walls like. god.

"make sure none of your people are here for this" NOOOOOO LISA

"we got over it" LIIIIIIIIIIIES

"i didnt want this" "you started this" LETSGOOOOOOO

oh this is so fucked

shauna butchered them... alone... it was her duty.... no wonder shes so fucked up

WALTERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

SO GOOD TO SEE HIM

jeff.... the cops.... bleh

NATALIE TRYING TO SAVE LISA BUT WE KNOW HOW THIS GOES

"youre not like them" "im worse" OH NAT NO NO NO NO NO

"im glad im alive" van says to travis whose brother just died because the team is starving and it was supposed to be natalie but misty saved her so javi died in his place and theyre going to eat javi and travis will have to eat his brother to survive. insane people.

"let your brother save you, travis. after everything he went through out here. dont you at least owe him that?" INSANE INSANE INSANE INSANE INSANE INSANE FUCKING THING TO SAY VAN HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT FUCKING CRAZY

walter i likeyou so much please stick around 4 life youre so funny

"youre being awfully judgy about mom considering this all started because of your lame attempt at blackmail" CALLIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE LETS FUCKING GO

i feel so bad for her. her parents suck so fucking bad her mom is fucked up and withheld love from her and doesnt love her like her dead baby brother and her dad is a pathetic dude who is like, trying his best but hes just sO pathetic and not even in a fun way. he has the spirit tho. shes gonna be sSOOOOO fucked up when shes grown up

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAH WALTER YOU LEGEND

walter and misty match made in heaven TBH

OH GOD

JAVI'S LITERAL HEART? OH GOD

is that... buffy sainte marie singing?

I KNEW IT I KNEW IT I CALLED IT KNEW IT LETS FUCKING GOOOOOOOOOO

OH MY GOD? MAYBE CALLIE?

CALLIE OR LISA WHICH IS IT

LET THE COP DIE IN THEIR PLACE DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT DO IT

jesus christ

they really never left huh

WALTER TALTERSAL YOU ABSOLUTE FUCKING PSYCHO YOU ARE SO MUCH FUN

walter fucking over this smarmy little shit cop is SOOOOOOOOOOOO fun

oh my god lottie

the wilderness left lottie...?

NATALIE????????

IS NATALIE THE ANTLER QUEEN

OH MY GOD THAT INSANE

I LOVE IT

HOLY SHIT

HOLY SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!

what is a god to a nonbeliever etc etc oh my GOD NATALIEEEEEE

"you were always its favorite" OH MY GOD???????????/

LISAAAAAAAA MY GIRL LISA LISA LISA LISA

"we tried to kill you and it wouldn't let us"

INSANE INSANE INSANE INSANE INSANE

THE ATHEIST WHO MEETS GOD THE NONBELIEVER THE TRUE RELUCTANT SAINT THE UNWILLING APOSTLE ET CETERA LETS FUCKINGGOOOOOOO?

lottie kissing natalie's hand is insane im goi g insane INSANE INSANE INSANE INSANE

the girls allow javi to die in nat's place (or the wilderness kill him in nat's place) > shauna offers travis javi's heart to eat as first dibs in honor/waiting for permission > travis eats his brother's heart > natalie is named lottie's successor as the unwilling apostle the reluctant saint the cursed etc etc > travis places her hand on his heart

NAT BEING "CHOSEN" ALL THOSE YEARS AGO

NAT THROWING HERSELF IN FRONT OF SOMEONE WHO GAVE HER FORGIVENESS TO SAVE LISA

aaaaaand radiohead to send us off eh?

NAT IS DYING OH GOD

nat :(

WHAT DO YOU EAN WE'LL SEE?

CALLIE???????

COACH TRIED TO BURN THEM ALIVE?

OH I AM SO LOOKING FORWARD TO HIS DEMISE

[sanchoyo]

danny phantom episode 4-7 Thoughts: (under a readmore because, these got kinda long!)

-the outfit danny had to buy for dash's party. CLASSIC 2000S i cannot stop laughing. And also showing up to the party and everyone is dressed like the trio is hilarious. and further proof that everyone looks good dressed goth.

-dash has a closet full of cute lil bear plushies?? LOVE that. adorable. also his response to danny trashing his room fighting a ghost was SO valid if somone BROKE MY BED IN HALF ID BE PISSED TOO.

-technus being like 'oh smart, u should be a tutor!' then later being like 'forget tutor, be a teacher!' :) supportive king <3 I also really like his upgraded suit/design. AND SPOCK CAMEO??? HELLO??

-the music in this show is super. its so funky. I looked it up and the guy who does it, guy moon (awesome name) also did music for other cartoons like fairly odd parents, barnyard, chalkzone, billy & mandy, AND some actual movies like FIGHT CLUB??? the whiplash I got from reading that)

-sam being rich explains a lot about her, actually.

-I know the moral of the episode was supposed to be 'dont ditch your friends for popular people/spend a lot of money on clothes that arent You to Fit In'. but tbh. it wouldve been easy for danny to have been like 'well, okay, ill come but only if my friends can!' but I get. that hes 14. so. not a lot to say there.

-BOX GHOST IS BACK!!!!! also, danny sitting up and wearing the dress/wig/makeup. umm thats how I dress everyday LMFAO. unironically me. (hate the jokes that boil down to 'haha funney man in dress' tho. but this is a look)

-jazz being protective of her brother once again being like NOOO YOU GUYS BETTER NOT STAKE OUT HIS (actually haunted) LOCKER!! shes aware of how people perceive him and she wants to help :( which is also probably why she told dash to invite him to that party even tho she had no interest in going!! she wants to help him out :(

-gotta say im with tucker on the whole 'should danny use his powers to get back at bullies' debate. 100% yes. let him teach kids to fight back. making dash throw his food at paulina out of the blue? no. but when hes actually about to pick on someone? yeah! for self defense? YEAH! if dash and his friends just threw food at him, I think rather than. idk doing sneaky shit with frogs he couldve just threw it back and not pulled punches if they tried to fight. I kNOOWWW its a kids show so they are like 'if u fight back ur just as bad!! violence bad!!' but. theyre HIS POWERS. WHO CARES.

-like my only gripe is that dash really isnt LEARNING ANYTHING WHEN DANNY GETS BACK AT HIM IN THE MOST PETTY INDIRECT WAYS. whatever they had to add a bully psa episode I guess. I hate it and I hate the way cartoons usually handle it because these methods simply Do Not Work. 'aND YouRE USinG YOur poWErs FOR EVill???!' this is Not Evil. even when poindexter takes dannys body, theyre only being 'nice' bc hes stealing soda for them!! bitches deserve what they get (nothing too brutal bc theyre high schoolers but damn, if they pick on danny he doesnt need to be the 'bigger person' he needs to start biting people)

-SAM TRYING TO SMUGGLE FROGS OUT OF THE BIO LAB?? girl in middle school when we had to dissect frogs we could opt out, also, they came to us already dead and preserved...

-sidney's lingo and the fact hes in black and white is sending me. also, danny is a ghost celebrity apparently for being a halfa?? ok. thats interesting to know

-the DENTIST BEING EXCITED ABOUT THE COTTON CANDY FLOOD IS THE FUNNIEST THING SO FAR.

-I LOOOVE the trope of 'wishes gone wrong'. not crazy about the stereotypical genie, or the use of the dreamcatcher looking design. (also, I KNOW theyre scientists but the way theyre handling a cold...are the fentons ANTIVAX)

-the genie. she. whitewished paulina. JKASDFHKJ. (the ghost literally just being hello kitty???? im dying) 'why do i feel that im special and wonderful? because I AM! <3' paulina ilu self worth queen. felt bad for her also getting possessed by (2) boys later who were arguing INSIDE HER. WTF.

-imagine being the guy trapped in his now flying car. he thought danny and tucker were HALUCINATIONS. imagine being trapped in a flying car with two, what you think are imaginary arguing 14 year olds convinced ur gonna die. i WOULD say this dude is gonna need so much therapy, but he seemed totally fine and excited when they landed (I would be happy too if a chicken was on my head. chickens rule) stoner rights

-sam's bat slippers??? iconic. SO cute.

-I think desiree's backstory is so :( do all ghosts have messed up sad backstories?? poindexter's was sad too...cannot imagine box ghost has any kind of fucked up backstory. but what if. his mom got pushed off cliffs by boxes...........a la cruella... anyway her 'no man may lay a hand on me' iconic. ilu

-I know danny has no concept of how much bras cost but my god dont attack tucker with some girls bra. those are so expensive.

-its really. well its not a GOOD THING he went into the portal and got fucked up, but its good danny was the one to do it rather than sam or tucker. because even tho he was being influenced by desiree and kept getting more malicious and it prob wasnt 100% him...he sucked as a ghost like most the people he 'pranked' were innocent ppl just Chillin and he didnt want to help anyone at all. I think danny is the most responsible out of them but also, hes 14 and shouldnt HAVE to feel obligated to fight every ghost. hes a good kid and wants to, but I also feel like he feels like...responsible for the portal turning on?? because his parents did give it up,, but it was an accident and not his fault (if anything, why was the on switch on the inside. why was it that easy. why was there no safety measures. that seems like smth OSHA needs to hear about). like thats my son. hes a good boy. and hes never done anything wrong in his life, ever. if anyone hurts him im killing everyone in this room and then myself. etc.

-danny's curfew is 10PM????? DUDE. when I was 14...shit I couldn't be out that late, I had to be back at like, 8 at the latest, and my parents had to know exactly where and who I was going with, AND i had to call/text them regularly...is this a case of my parents being overbearing, or the fentons sucking??? the only time i could EVER be out that late was if I was at an overnight sleepover or smth...

-the vultures have lil fezes. why do they have fezes...theyre so fuckin funny 'ask him for directions' 'I KNOW WHERE IM GOING' these ghost vultures are my new grandpas. pick them up, put them in the adopt box.

-'I wonder why those guys were trying to waste dad!' THEYRE GHOSTS. YOUR DAD HUNTS GHOSTS. why is that not a conclusion you'd immediately jump to??

-*jazz voice, clearly disgusted* WISCONSIN???

-mrs fenton with the lab coat and leg warmers and PERM. YESSS STYLISH.

-was going to say 'ew billionaire' @vlad but. super valid he used his powers to assumedly steal and cheat to get that money, thats how all billionaires do it! but ew hes a SIMP. and spending your billions on FOOTBALL STUFF?? you are Not Valid overall. I DO respect the fact you have a castle instead of a mansion. in wisconsin. if youre going to be stupidly rich might as well go all out, torches on the wall and all. I DO like his ghost form's little kitty ears. catman. and his cape! every design can benefit from a cape. and how different his forms look, like danny looks the EXACT SAME IN BOTH FORMS ASIDE FROM COLOR CHANGES. vlad's is like,, I could believe they were different people!! also I love the drama. but dude you are fighting a 14 year old. lame. also he was like, telling danny he wanted his mom and him and like, wanted him to renounce his dad?? WHAT ABOUT JAZZ?? bitch. those r MY kids and they are both important and special. I do agree they need better parents but thats not u sir <3

-I thought vlad's 'little badger' nickname for danny came from the football mascot of the packers, but google says they have NO MASCOT?? so now I'm like?? is it because his hair is sometimes black and sometimes white?? I hate to give him props but thats a PERFECT NICKNAME. theyre also tiny and vicious!

-why did I get so excited that Skulker is back!! its been like. 2-3 eps LMAO. AND THE DAIRY KING. ICONIC I LOVE HIM. hes the nicest guy ever :) more nice ghosts please. danny cannot be fighting alone everytime with no ghost buds like every ghost being hostile sucks :(

-mr. fenton knew vlad was controlling him, but a few episodes ago he had no clue danny was doing the same thing...is it something about how malicious the ghost is?? he just seemed to think his memory had gaps the first time, this time he was INSTANTLY LIKE 'GHOST'. then again in this ep when danny did it again he was just slightly confused but not immediately freaking out like he did with vlad possessing him!!

-'my parents will accept ME NO MATTER WHAT' so. so why haven't you come out to them yet, danny?? if you really think that?? if theres no harm, and you're sure??? if vlad is a real problem, wouldnt that make dealing with him easier, to expose him???? SO WHY HAVENT YOU COME OUT YET?? COULD IT BE,, MAYBE YOU HAVE DOUBTS ABOUT WHETHER YOUR PARENTS ACTUALLY WILL ACCEPT YOU??? 🤔 ... 🏳‍🌈 I get why people say He Is Trans. I totally totally get u danny.

-sorta unrelated, but it just occurred to me in one of these eps they go to casper HIGH not casper middle school??? theyre 14?? dont highschools usually do ages 15-18? (I didnt go to hs so I might be wrong, if I am ignore this...) freshmen are usually 14-15, could just be a case of them not turning 15 yet but they will sometime in the school year (I say they because tucker said he was 14 too)? I know the show has 3 seasons, so by the end of it will they be older? thatd be neat but usually cartoon characters stay the same age...I love shows where you can see the characters age and grow up, though...three seasons seems like a long time to spend on like, 1 year...

[cdfreak]

ghost, shaved ice, scissors, gear, and heart w/ arrow for red! :P

wait also crying, sleeping, bday cake, spider, and all the -no-evils (also for red, but also for mara)

ok im doing all of these for both red and mara because im insane <3

👻 GHOST - do they believe in ghosts? what are their "ghostly experiences", if any?

MARA - mara definitely believes in ghosts, she thinks its a bit silly for a grown woman to be like superstitious so she doesnt talk about it much but she definitely believes in them!! RED - in 101 she thought she was too cool to believe in something stupid like ghosts but she was secretly kind of scared of them lol and once she got to the wasteland she definitely started believing in them. the wastes are so haunted !!!

i dont really know if either of them have had really like ghost like experiences other than mara being like omg something got knocked off a counter its ghosts... when it was like . her dog LMFAO but theres definitely a kind of overwhelming ghostly haunted feeling for them in some places. its strongest for mara when she sees like old buildings or landmarks she remembers from her childhood/prewar life but theyre like rotting and empty now, and for red when she has to explore old abandoned vaults

🍧 SHAVED ICE - do they still have any objects from their childhood? what significance does it have to them? what would their reaction be if they lost it?

MARA - mara lost everything from her childhood, she didnt have time to take any keepsakes from her house before going to the vault :(( shes really upset about it honestly there were obviously a lot of really important things to her

RED - red has her old baseball cap from the vault and her baseball bat!! that baseball cap is so fucked up oh my god its been patched up and repaired so many times but i think if it was ever like fully destroyed beyond repair she would not recover for months. same tbh to a greater extend with her bat old girl that thing is like. she sleeps with one hand on the grip and she lovingly repaints it and carves into it she would literally scream and throw up and kill herself and explode a building and kill herself again if she lost it

✂️ SCISSORS - what is the "last straw" for them to cut someone out of their life? how easily do they let go of people?

MARA - mara tries really hard to give people second chances but if they are hurting people she loves or if they are like . fucking evil like support the institute or hate ghouls or something she is Outta there. its not necesarilly easy for her to cut people out of her life but shes like mature and can do it without too much strife - although depending on how close she was with them it would take her like forever to get over it lol

RED - red will cut people off at the drop of a hat she does NOT care. if they are like annoying or slightly too mean to her loved ones she is like ok bye. get out. thats because umm she has a lot of walls up and refuses to get close to anyone other than a select few so its easy for her to cut off relationships she was never very invested in anyway but she will still like not let go of it and be kind of upset for a while

⚙️ GEAR - what are your ocs thoughts on science & art? which do they give more importance to? how much value do they place on each?

MARA - mara loves science and art so much!! shes not super great at science but she thinks its REALLY cool and she was like daydreaming about doing those little science kits for kids with shaun once he was a little older😭😭😭 and obviously she loves art shes an art teacher LOL i think she values them a lot!! she is of the opinion that art and science arent nearly as different as people say they are and art can be argued to be a bit of a science and vice versa!! she doesnt really put more importance on either

RED - red thinks that art is kind of lame and not as important as science but she secretly kind of likes it <3 she doesnt like want people to think shes soft though so she doesnt show it. red is frankly fucking insane and puts up such a tough guy show and thinks the weirdest things will make people think shes weak

💘 HEART W/ ARROW - what traits do they look for in a relationship? do they believe in love at first sight?

MARA - mara really values like mutual respect and compatible personalities and similar values. she thinks there can definitely be like an attraction at first sight but not actual like Love

RED - red will have an intense relationship with any girl who looks at her its awful

😭 CRYING - what makes them cry? do they cry easily?

MARA - mara doesnt cry very easily but she gets very emotional about like families and children and loss <3

RED - red cries when she gets angry which is often but she tries a lot to hide it

💤 SLEEPING - do they fall asleep easily? what helps them sleep?

MARA - mara likes to have something to hold onto while she sleeps!! one of the first items she picked up in the wastes was a teddy bear lol although she will cuddle with dogmeat if theres room ^-^ she fell asleep pretty easily before the war but during the events of fo4 it became harder and harder for her tbh she was under a lot of stress trying to find shaun and run the minutemen and keep the railroad from getting exploded and also she was #traumatized BUT after destroying the institute and getting her little break from like world saving responsibilities she became more comfortable and calm and sleeping got easier:)

RED - red will NOT be able to sleep if she is in a room alone its literally impossible and she hates it. in the vault it was because she would sleep in her dads room a lot/probably shared a room with cyan for a while but once she made her way into the wastes it was also just like a safety thing yknow. especially after being kidnapped by the enclave and developing like paranoia issues lol <3 also she hates the cold and sleeps a lot better if shes warm. when shes comfortable its really easy for her to sleep though she will just like take naps if she has nothing else to do

🎂 BIRTHDAY CAKE - when is their birthday? do they like celebrating it?

MARA - november 20th !!! she likes celebrating it a lot its a fun time for her :) her first birthday in the wasteland was kind of scary but nick and cait and preston and codsworth threw her a little party and it was really sweet and she cried about it RED - july 13th also <3 i think she liked celebrating it when she was younger but she was like mad she had to share with cyan LOL... she like got over that when she was 10ish though and just thought it was fun to hang out with her brother and friends <3 although it always made her a bit sad cuz of her mom u know. n then after red n cyans dad died on their birthday she like hated it lol

🕷️ SPIDER - what is their biggest fear? do they have any irrational / mundane fears?

MARA - mara is so so afraid of losing more people um its so deeply sad <3 shes also scared of the ocean lol

RED - red is afraid of being alone and left behind :( also mirelurks freak her out so bad

🙈 SEE-NO-EVIL - whats a side of your oc that they don't want to show other people?

MARA - mara feels bad when she gets very angry and snaps at people :( only people she cares about though shes fine snapping at assholes

RED - red does not like it when people know she has like emotions other than anger she is like batman from the lego batman movie

🙊 SPEAK-NO-EVIL - what is something your oc will refuse to stay quiet about?

MARA - she will not stay quiet about like anything that she sees as unjust and it gets her in trouble Often lmao

RED - she likes getting into bos discourse lol

🙉 HEAR-NO-EVIL - what is the worse thing your oc could hear from someone?

MARA - if someone close to her like curie or nick told her she was like. not doing enough to help i think that would break her

RED - if someone in her family said she was weak or that they didnt like her she would die actually

[chat-noir-always-here]

I rewatch Miraculous—The Bubbler

Okay here we go time to dive back into French Sailor Moon aww hell yeee

(J.K. I’ve never sat through a single episode of SM in ma life)

•Tikki’s face when Mari is trying to kiss the Adrien collage wallpaper is low-key funny

•plagg lacks toe beans

•how do you “accidentally” come across your childs emails when cleaning their room? Mari’s mama is devious.

•Adrien is that a cookie keeping your breakfast crescents company? Just like Adrien to have cookies for breakfast.

•Adrien’s pained expression after Nathalie tells him happy birthday😭😭😭poor cinammon roll child

•nino: “You’d think he at least remembers to be young and wanna party a little!”

Adrien: “No Im pretty sure he was a downer back then too.”

LOL roast him, Adrien. Here Gabriel have some ice for that burn.

•Why does Nino’s shirt remind me of Goofy’s Monsters inc. appearance from Kingdom Hearts 3?

• “Am i seeing what I think I’m seeing? Dont tell me its Adriens birthday!” Girl you been his friend since childhood you cant remember it on your own?

• “Dont be a pushover! Literally!” Yeah that goes for Sabrina and Adrien too. You two let Chloe do whatever she wants with you? Yeesh.

• “Ring the doorbell.” Yeah for real ring the doorbell thats what its there for. 🙄🙄🙄

•Mari been forgetting to sign notes since episode one

Facepalms

•Bitch please you cant buy your own son a birthday present instead of bullying Nathalie into stealing Mari’s???

•that fucking painting hanging on the wall right where the staircase in Agreste Mansion forks. Can we just... Can we just burn that painting? Reduce it to fucking ashes. Seriously how can people look at it and not call the French CPS that piece of “art” is the most distubring piece of possessive B.S. i have ever had the displeasure of seeing. My brain hates my eyes for seeing it every time its visible in the show

•Im sorry Nino. Im sorry this dumbass bitch said that to you. (For real tho were you expecting anything different?)

•”Adults ruin everything all the time.” Kiddo your about four-five years from being an adult maybe check yourself

•for real check yourself cuz Gabriel is an ass and said that to you just so he could akumatize you

WORST.

PARENT.

EVER!!!

•i havent played with bubble wands since i was like ten. Are tbey more popular in Paris or is it just Nino’s thing?

•Nino’s akumatized form is so ridiculous, still. First time around it nearly drove me away from this show.

•something else i found ridiculous first time around is bubbling the adults. Its a bit more frightening though when you think about how they only have so much air in their bubble. If LB and CN failed to free them they would have all suffocated to death and Paris would be populated solely by orphans.

•LB you seriously just gonna entrust a couple of kiddos to a stranger? I know you dont really have a lot of options but still. If this were a crime drama or a D.C. movie those kids might not have faired as well.

•”Wow. That was a birthday lunch break to remember. Yaaay.” Kiddo you sound so sarcastic i love it. 🤣🤣🤣

•that little pompom or whatever the hell on top of akumatized Nino’s head jiggles a little every time his head moves and im just. Ugh. Cmon couldnt they have given him a better outfit or at least something less uncomfortable????

•Plagg is literally that little devil Kronk from “The Emperors New Groove” that sits on Kronk’s shoulder and tells him to do bad things. Or in this case, sits on Adrien’s shoulder and tells him to do bad things. “Its fiiiiine shirk your responsibilities for a hot minute and dance with your buddies. Its not like theyre here under suspicious circumstances or anything.”

•Adrien, honey, if you dont want her to kiss you you should say something. I mean i get cheek kisses mean something different in France but Adrien looks really uncomfortable.

•MAAAARRRIIII you just wasted a good deal of transformation time in a fit of jealousy for what i wish i could say was the first and last time 😩😩😩

•Tikki being a good guide and scolding Mari 🙏🙏🙏

•ugh are those storebought cookies? I can practically taste those things. I hope for Tikki’s sake they’re homemade or at least warmed up.

•”You were right Tikki i never should have waited this long.” In other words you shouldve fixed the problem the first time around not wasted your transformation in a fit of jealousy like you did? Correct.

•upon hearing the truth from LB, Adrien immediatley runs off to transform. Good boi didnt know how serious the situation was, is all.

•that look LB gives CN after her yoyo bounces off his head. Giirrrrrl he boyfriend material you knoooowww itttt admit itttt~~~~

• “Kids need adults!” The way Mari says this makes her sound like such a goody two shoes, i really cant stand it for some reason. Oof am i channeling Lila?

wipes my hand on a towel then throws towel away

• LB: “Adults keep children safe and protected! They care for their kids, they love them!”

CN: “Most adults do anyhow.”

Behold the difference between their respective households summed up in two seconds. Poor Kitty boi....😿😿😿😿

•Aww the way LB is hugging her kitty as he tries to kick at it ❤️❤️❤️

• “couldnt you have said that 500 feet ago?” Sarcastic chat noir is wonderful

• LB: “we cant stay stuck in this bubble together forever!”

CN: flirty looks

In other words theres something they could do together in their bubble.

asdfghjkl🤣🤣🤣

•the kids’ bubbles look smaller than the adults bubbles. So they are more cramped and have less air. Unfair much?

• “pound it!” Theres a joke in there but i wont. F.Y.I. In French they say something like “good job” so the joke is lost in that version teehee

•”did my son like his gift?” Again bitch PICK IT OUT YOURSELF

• “hey nice scarf Adrien! Off the chain!” Alya honey where DO you get your phrasing from? The late nineties?

• “can you believe my dad got this for me? Its so awesome he’s given me the same lame pen for three years in a row.” What the hell kinda parent gives their child a flipping pen for his birthday??? F.Y.I. In French Adrien says that his father forgets his birthday every year and gives him nothing.

Annnnnnd that wraps up episode one. Ill do episode two some other time.

[emilyjunk]

hi im sad do you have an hcs about bemily meeting at an ice cream shop?

during beca’s senior year of high school her dad makes her get a job and the only place hiring is fucking baskin robbins so... beca starts working at baskin robbins

she hates it obviously... people suck and they’re always dropping their ice cream and she has to clean it up ://///

also sometimes people come in and get like twelve samples and then end up picking vanilla and becas like wtf why??? vanilla is the most boring flavor on the whole dumb menu????

anyway the WORST is when they get HUUUUGE groups coming in like after sporting events and things... it’s so busy and chaotic

the second worst thing is when she sees people from school because that’s embarrassing. beca always pretends she doesn’t know them.

the ultra worst thing is when people from school are in a huge group

and thats what happens every fucking saturday afternoon

this huge group of girls from school comes in after their soccer game. every saturday without fail. they’re obnoxious and always make a mess and never can decide what they want

and beca like, totally doesnt even like any of them because jocks are so lame? theyre dumb and usually dicks. the soccer girls aren’t the worst but they also arent that great

so one day beca is stressing because the soccer girls are gossipping in line and becas just fucking standing there waiting for them to pick an ice cream flavor and her shift isnt over for another hour so everything just sucks... and then... then it doesnt suck so much. bc then one of the girls is like “hey guys... let’s order and take this outside so we dont hold up the line!” and she gives beca a knowing smile... so pretty and soft and empathetic

beca recognizes her, but isn’t one hundred percent sure of her name. she’s in the grade under beca, about to be a junior, and they’ve never had a class together. but beca recognizes her face from the halls.

beca decides this girl doesnt completely suck. at least as much as the others. 

after that, beca starts seeing her around all the time. she sees her in the halls at school, talking with friends at her locker. she sees her saturdays after soccer games at baskin robbins. she even sees her once at the movies when her stupid neighbor jesse drags her along to the newest superhero flick

it gets to the point where beca randomly thinks about this girl she doesnt know on and off throughout the day, and it makes her roll her eyes at herself but whatever. the girl is nice and she’s pretty and beca’s never had a gf, but she knows she really likes girls, and so just... whatever. she can think about people in her head alright? it doesnt mean anything!

“look,” cynthia rose says when the soccer girls come every saturday. “it’s beca’s crushtomer.”

“my what?” beca asks the first time this happens.

“crushtomer,” tssks her manager aubrey. “it’s when you have a crush on one of your regulars. and it’s obviously unprofessional beca.”

“she’s not my... crushtomer.”

“please. we can see your custoner from space.” beca stares and aubrey rolls her eyes. “customer boner. obviously.”

“you guys are weird.” beca scoffs.

but then the girl’s ordering and becas smiling... yeah... smiling wtf... as she scoops vanilla ice cream onto a waffle cone and god fucking dammit... she totally has a crushtomer.

alright so whatever beca has it bad for this customer but it’s whatever. she doesn’t even know the girl’s nam-

“emily!”

the girl whips her head around as her teammate comes jogging up to her and fine!!! beca knows her name.

it wouldn’t be that crazy or anything, until one time at school in the hall they make eye contact and emily is like “hey beca” and beca totally freezes.

“uh. hi emily. you, like, know my name?”

emily tilts her head to the side, her cheeks a pretty pink. “oh. yeah... i mean ive seen your nametag at baskin robbins.”

“oh.”

“i just thought i’d say hi.”

beca never thought they’d speak outside of the obligatory ice cream order and cash exchange so she’s not really sure what to do next in this situation. “uh. hi. but uh..... gotta get to class so um. bye?”

emily laughs, so cute and nice. “okay. see you around.”

and then beca is walking away and hearing giggles behind her as chloe beale whispers something in emilys ear and emily swats at her playfully. becas pretty sure she’s being laughed at, but she books it out of there too quick to care.

the next saturday, beca hates to admit it, but she’s kind of looking forward to seeing the soccer girls. it’s NOT because of her crushtomer though, okay? it’s because her shift is boring as fuck because it’s raining outside and nobody is coming in. so at least she’ll have something to do when they come

so beca waits in anticipation as her shift passes, the clock ticking down to her clock-out time... and they never come. beca finds herself almost disappointed to get off work... then she shakes out of it. fuck work. wtf?

the next saturday, beca initiates her very first small talk with emily. “so, you guys didnt come in last week. it was weird not seeing you.”

“oh,” emily pouts. “our game got rained out.” then she tilts her head, looking at beca curiously. “aw, did you miss us?” she teases.

beca snorts. “no.”

“Just me then right?”

and beca knows she’s teasing, but she feels the heat of it in her soul... and she blushes. “very funny.”

emily laughs, so bright and bubbly, the kind of laugh beca would normally hate. but she doesn’t. god she doesn’t.

emilys teammates have already all paid and taken their cones outside and it’s just beca and emily there at the register. plus CR down the counter mopping the floor but whatever, she has headphones in as she cleans so it may as well just be beca and emily okay?

“anyway.” beca says, clearing her throat. “that’s uh. $3.49.”

emily freezes, her eyes widening. she looks down at herself, pats her thighs where her pockets would be if soccer uniforms had pockets. 

“shoot,” she whispers, looking around helplessly. “one sec i forgot my wallet in my car i gotta go grab it.”

“oh,” beca says. “no, it’s cool, it’s uh... on me.”

“what? no, it’s okay. i can go get it.”

“no,” beca says, already putting her employee numbers into the register. “we get free ice cream every shift and i uh... don’t need it. so you can just use my free one. it’s cool.”

emily beams at her. “wow that’s so nice. oh my god.”

“it’s nothing, no problem.”

“no, i have to make it up to you now.”

“that’s really not necessary.”

“beca.”

“emily.”

“let me.”

beca hesitates but emily is giving her this look like a fucking puppy, all cute and persuasive. “...alright... how?”

“are you working tomorrow?”

“um no?”

“let me buy you lunch.”

beca blinks. “this was literally 3 dollars. you wanna go to like mcdonalds or something?”

emily laughs. “no i think i can afford more than the dollar menu. consider it interest.”

“what the hell? what is this? wolf of wall street?”

“oh my god beca.” emily grins. “im trying to hang out with you.”

beca stares. “hang out... with me?”

“yeah? like friends?”

“oh.”

“so...?” emily leans forward, her long ponytail swishing over her shoulder. “lunch tomorrow?”

“uh... yeah okay.”

emily gives beca her phone and beca inputs her number in some kind of daze. 

it’s not a date, beca reminds herself all during the lunch. even if emily pays and holds doors for her and is super touchy feely. it’s a friend thing. it’s just hard because they really get along. beca wasnt sure they would, because emily is smiley and nice and into sports. beca is surly and rude and fakes sick to escape gym every other week. 

but they do get along. they get along great... emily is into music and beca shows emily the mashups she makes in her free time and they bond over bands they like and beca learns emily plays like 5 different instruments.

emily is also funny, in a weird way, and her smile makes beca’s heart do weird things that hearts probably shouldn’t do.

after, emily gives her a hug and beca totally isnt a hug person but it’s the best hug she’s ever had and emily smells good, like scented girly lotion.

after that, they’re kind of friends for real. they hang out sometimes, and beca teases emily about her ice cream order (vanilla... the most boring flavor on the menu), and she even drags jesse to one of the girls’ soccer games and they text here and there, sending song recs back and forth. once emily sends beca a recording of her playing the guitar and beca swears she falls in love a little with emily’s singing voice. 

so yeah, they’re friends. then one day ... everything changes

becas just getting off her shift at baskin robbins and the soccer girls are hanging out at the tables outside, chatting and enjoying their ice cream. beca waves at emily as she walks to her car.

“beca, wait!”

emily jogs up and beca has to pretend she doesn’t think emily’s athleticism isnt the hottest thing she’s ever seen. they’re friends, she reminds herself. friends, beca. friends.

“sup?”

she throws her work bag in the back and shuts the door, turning to look at emily.

emily has a strange expression on her face. almost nervous. which is weird because emily is outgoing and friendly and talking to people doesnt really make her nervous.

“um, so.” emily glances behind her and beca peeks over her shoulder to see all the other soccer girls staring at them. emily frowns, pulling beca to the other side of her car by the arm so they’re out of view. “can i ask you something?”

“uh... sure dude?”

“what’s a crushtomer?”

beca literally almost dies on the spot. “what?”

“a crushtomer.” emily blushes, her fingers tugging at her ponytail nervously.

“oh. um. it’s like......... it’s stupid really, just some made up term thats like when a worker has a crush on one of their regulars, you know? it’s totally lame.”

“huh.” emily nods, her lips twisting. “so like, if i accidentally heard cynthia rose say im your crushtomer, then..............?”

beca really wishes she could crawl in a hole and die. “oh. you... you heard that.”

“yeah.”

“it’s just like... i mean.. we’re friends and stuff,” beca stammers. “you know, they know we’re like... fond of each other or something.”

“i see.” emily tilts her head to the side, looking beca up and down. “so it’s just a friend thing.”

“um i mean, well--”

“because like, say i didn’t want it to be a friend thing. say i wanted it to be a crush thing, like what would that mean?”

beca nearly stops breathing. “what?”

“like say maybe i think you’re cute and i like being your friend, but maybe i also have... once or twice thought about being more than friends and i dont know if you even like girls or anything and if you dont im really sorry like sooooooo sorry for making it awkward but it’s just i overheard that and i thought well just... what if it wasnt a friend thing but a real crush thing and just...” emily blushes cutely, glancing away quickly before looking back at beca. “the term is CRUSHtomer i mean it implies a romantic crush, i don’t know how to make this clearer so please just shut me up now”

“okay just... wait,” beca says, her heart going a mile a second in her chest. “You want to be my crushtomer. in a liking girls romantic way type of thing?”

“i mean...” emily shrugs. “only if you mean it that way. otherwise forgetting about this would be amazing and we could still be friends because i... i really like being your friend.”

“yes,” beca interrupts as emily opens her mouth to keep going. “no god yes. it’s stupid. crushtomer is stupid okay but yeah fine you’re my crushtomer. like... in a crush way. it’s a stupid term.”

emily stares at her for the briefest of seconds. then her face breaks open in the widest smile beca’s ever seen. “i think it’s cute.”

“it’s dumb” beca snorts.

“you wanna like, go out then?”

beca’s whole body is warm. “yeah. that’d be... cool.”

“hm.” emily is so smiley it kills. she scrunches her nose at beca. “i mean i kinda feel like we already were going out. i mean, you showed me your mixes,” she teases. “so romantic.”

“kay,” beca rolls her eyes, but she can’t stop smiling. “whatever. cant believe im gonna go out with a jock.”

emily laughs, her hand coming out to grip the top of beca’s car and effectively sandwiching beca in. “you ever kiss a jock before?”

“no,” beca murmurs, trying to keep her voice from squeaking, but emily is like, really close and holy shit she’s so pretty oh man... 

“you want to?”

beca’s breath gets caught in her throat. “yeah.”

all beca can think when they kiss is that emily tastes like ice cream and for the first time in her life, beca maybe just maybe thinks vanilla might be the most exciting flavor on the menu

[victoriayagami-blog]

BNHA VILLAIN AU

Continuation

As kurogiri stop and looked at the person who called him

"Oh. What a pleasant surprise. " as he smirk on him

"A former hero I see welcome...."

As kurogiri gesture him to enter the abandoned building the devilish smile didn't fade as he say its name.

"Mashirao Ojiro"

Deku...

A villain that is unknown, never found or at least maybe never seen in person. Now Killing few pro heroes by himself in secret...

Even tho he still keeps a smile on his face...it was cold and dark...

"Tsk...Cant even keep up? And u people are called pros. I can't believe I was inspired by you worthless pieces of shit. You're all the same like fucking all might!!

HAHAHAHAHA.... hah ...

This is getting boring but this is all I can do for now"

He Grins evily.

"Speaking of heroes. I wonder how kacchan is. He was right. I will never be hero, but I can't I'll get rid of you and the REST OF THESE WORTHLESS HEROES."

As he roam aimlesly, he sees a poster of a villain his age and grab it.

"Oh? How surprising? Well. For me to get rid of this pests I need to team up with these other villains." He crumpled the poster and throws it behind him

"Where could they be tho?" He asked.

He hums and skips around the dark halls of the city "Hmm beside that brown haired girl" he said "She seems interesting!" He looks through his notebook and writes her name down "Perfect! Soon i'll be having more and more people to company me in this hellish place full of heroes!"as he rage his anger, he stops skipping and said to himself "But that means I wont have any fun for my self. We'll have to find out then."

Back to where Toshinori went to Aizawa's home. Toshinori was taken aback at Aizawa's outrage. "Don't you dare blame yourself Aizawa!!!" He answered irately. He himself was very much infuriated at the situation, and Aizawa's rage didn't help out at all. "Goddamit, if I hadn't been injured and forced to retire permanently, I could have prevented all of this!!! I also take all of the blame of whatever consequences that our previous students actions might bring." Toshinori declared.

"pretty"

that's the only thin Monoma Neito said when he looked at Uraraka. He slid the dagger to it's case at the back of his pants and offered his hands to her as they walk to the entrance of the building.

"A lie"

Uraraka chuckled, blushing at his compliment, taking his hand as they walked inside the somewhat eerie building. Entering a bar, theyre greeted by the presence of guy, blond and the other a purple warp.

"Hah. How do a villain knows my name?"

Ojiro smirked thinking he was watched all over his years of living.

"Are you spy or something? Or maybe you know the lost of people I kill hmm? Wonderful, wonderful! So its just us. I remember the news saying the there this guy with hands around he with you?"

He asked hypothetically with a smirk.

"And who you calling hero? I was never treated as one. A guy with tail? Who would love someone this lame?"

As kurogiri was about to guide Ojiro to the abandon building he notices a presence at the entrance.

"Well this is a surprise." As he look at the person behinds him and ojiro.

"One of the former heroes I guess"

And looks back at ojiro to answer his previous question.

"Well I have many intels regarding to the destroyers of peace"

Ojiro sits down on one of the tables.

"Do you mind?" He asked.

While Kurogiri serve Ojiro a drink at the bar.

"Well some of your comrads are coming here to gather anyways."

Kurogiri said and hands over a drink to him.

"Ohoo I can sense they're here. " as looks at the closed door.

"Are you not supposed to go inside fellow guests?" And the door open.

"Just when I thought I taught them well, this happened. Shino I am out of words and reasons. I'm out of words to explain. This is not what I wanted for them." The raven gasped to catch his breath, tearing the bedsheet that he was gripping the entire time. "These are my children! These are my kids! I'm so furious! How come they had to take the other fucking way and not stick to what is right? I can't do this.. I can't..."

Aizawa heaved a sigh before screaming his lungs out. The pain of losing his students was cutting deep inside him. At this point, he didn't know how he would face his former students. The former symbol of peace knew how painful it was to watch them lose their way. But he had to do something.

"Gather all the teachers and pro-heroes. Gather all the remaining 1-A students. We will end this monstrosity right here and then."

Aizawa's voice was firm, filled with anger and resentment.

"This is gonna be my final lesson to them. I don't care if I die, so long as I can fulfill my job as their teacher and father."

While Deku was looking for a victim he removes his left glove with his bare teeth and grabs his switchblade and cuts himself.

"OH SUCH A GREAT FEELING! Its feels greater when I hear the screams of my victims tho..."

He took out a pic of him and bakugou when they were kids and slams it on the wall.

"Oh kacchan what happened to that innocent face of yours? After you recieved your quirk you changed~..."

He stabs the pic onto the wall devilishly smiling while letting out his anger.

"I'LL NEVER FORGIVE YOU SHIT! I HOPE YOU DIE ON HELL AND SUFFER"

And smiles more insanely.

"YOUR NEXT ON THE LIST KACCHAN! LET ME FEEL YOUR QUIRK ONCE I GET MY HANDS ON THOSE ARMS OF YOURS HAHAHAHAHAHAHA"

"No quirk no problem!~"

He stares at the photo on the wall

"Its better to kill them slowly with my bare hands as their eyes slowly roll back..Oh im getting distracted! I must find those other villains yes?~"

He took his switchblade back and left as the photo of the forgotten childhood friends falls slowly down to the floor.

[hmspogue]

Stranger Things Season 2 Trailer Shot by Shot Rundown Pt 2

  A week late but here you go (the first run down can be found here)

disclaimer: i own nothing, all shots and scenes depicted belong to Netflix

it should also be noted that these are just MY theories and opinions. I am by no means an expert, and you are absolutely entitled to your own thoughts and theories.

without further adieu here we go-

MY BABY IM SO READY FOR YOUR RETURN

as long as she has her eggos and is safe that’s all that matters :’)

i hope shes warm enough

that person is me running away from all the shit that’s about to hit the fan

so i’m assuming this season is really going to focus on the lines between dimensions blurring around Halloween thus why Will is struggling so hard rn yada yada yada nothing new

i want to know why this monster is just now on the radar you know? like while Will was in the Upside Down did he know about THIS thing or just the demagorgan

dang i guess trick or treat is ruined then?

yyyyyyiiiiiiIIIIIIIKKKKKKEEEEESSSS i CANT EVEN TELL WHERE ITS HEAD IS WTF IS THIS THING

??? where are they? and who is that random man with them? it kind of looks like a lab or some place underground. also i’m screaming bc 

NOTE: their outfits here are different from the ones they’re wearing in the shot of them staring at the wall i love detective legends WHO GO OFF AND RESEARCH THE SUPERNATURAL by themselves how interesting 

no really who is this guy and who is he keeping tabs on (see: the white note cards to the left)

WHO YOU GONNA CALL (i made this joke in my last rundown i’m sorry i’m so lame)

i think i mentioned this in the last run down, but even though i’m not a huge fan of Steve atm, i’m intrigued by this dynamic of him and the kids they’re going to be doing

does every small town in tv shows have a lookout point where the core group congregates to see shit go down?

this is such cool cinematography if they did, in fact, make one side of the road green and the other dying on purpose

i’m ALSO SO EXCITED TO SEE THIS FRIENDSHIP DYNAMIC THIS SEASON (just bc Will was MIA last season, we didn’t really get to see much about his relationship with the other three aside from how much they wanted him back, and towards the very end of the final episode)

ok even though this new monster is creepy as hell and i’m so upset will has to suffer again this season..........this kid is a hella talented artist way to go Will you’re doing great

omg please stop hurting mah boy...but also wtf why do I have to deal with another slow burn ship this season screw this

.......you........you’re to blame

who are you and what are those glowing light cylinders doing in front of you

NOTE: i actually think this is Hop in the same scene as a clip you will see later in the trailer...you can look there to see my theory on why he is doing this stay tuned

pictures???? of what I can’t tell. why are they showing these to him while hes in the hospital? (peep the gown)

someone help this kid pls

are they at an ER or a police station?

big mood Joyce (ugh I hate how she has to suffer through this again just let the Byers live please)

can’t even tell whats going on here other then the fact that it looks like the upside down next slide

what are all these wires yikes

this doctor seems like (based on what I saw this trailer especially) he’s going to become a new reoccurring character...interesting...he better not back stab any of my children or i will stab him in his back

DONT BE SAD MIKE SHES ON HER WAY BACK TO YOU 

oh my god a conversation between Will and Mike where Mike fills him in and tries to explain his feelings for Eleven HERE FOR IT PLEASE LORD

RUN MY CHILD FLEE I WOULD PROTECT YOU IF I COULD

I REALLY HOPE SHES OKAY OH LORD

MIND POWERS ARE BACK OH HELL YEAH

ummm...??????? first of all whose house is this, I dont reconize it and second of all...

why does she look so angry now i’m kind fo concerned WHOSE HOUSE IS THIS?

halloween dance maybe? i’m just confused as to why people are at the school in the middle of the night, i think this is mainly wishful reaching on my part

what’s interesting to me about this shot is not even so much the drawing (which i discussed in my last rundown), but the fact that Joyce has the phone next to her again? last season she had it in hopes of communicating with Will, which causes me to question who she is waiting for this time?

a portal i’m guessing?

NOTE: I think that Steve and Dustin are going to be the main friendship focus out of the kids and Steve. i think it’s going to be Will off having problems of his own, Mike with Eleven when she comes back sorting things out, and Max and Lucas...which i’m guessing is going to be the love interest for max they’ve been hinting at and if any of the crazies out there start trying to SHIP Dustin and Steve I will come for your throats

jeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesus please mAKE THIS STOP

IT LOOKS LIKE LITERALLY ALL OF THEM ARE CONGREGATED WHY AM I LIVING FOR THIS

nope ignore, next

IGNOREING THE FACT THAT THIS LOOKS LIKE A PARALLEL TO HOP WHEN HE LOST HIS DAUGHTER. NEXT

how many dang trips is Hop taking to the Upside down this season?

edit: see further down for the theory

see: my last statement 

who are you odd doctor man?

well he kind of looks as out of the loop as the rest of us so i think we can trust him...for now...

*heavy labored breathing*

oh boy...

excuse me while i scream until my lungs concave (OK BUT THE BED ROOM SHARING TROUPE PARALLEL??? CANT I JUST CATCH MY BREATH FOR FIVE SECONDS BEFORE BEING ATTACKED AGAIN?? okay but it kind of looks like theyre in a hotel???? why????????????)

Holes (2003) that should be Hopper behind her

this scene was in the Comicon trailer and it doesn’t concern me any less now 

me too steve...me too...

...will the real Karate Kid please stand up

actually, the more i think about it, the more i’m thinking Hop making all these weird trips to the Upside Down has to do with that deal he made with the scientists last season...like his end of the bargain was basically doing all the dangerous dirty work everyone else is too afraid to do 

that or he’s being sent to locate Eleven but I’m choosing to ignore this theory

YIKES (Part 18937487002)

lowkey think this is going to be that weird pet thing Dustin eventually gets but watch me be wrong

classic Samwise Gamgee

nothing but respect for my sons (if their love triangle causes any sort of animosity between these two this season I’m burning something)

i reeeeeeeeeeaaaaallllllyyyyyyyyy want to like Max this season and I hope shes more like cool and reserved and not annoyingly angsty and rude like so many tv franchises like to paint preteen girls. but Stranger Things has not failed me yet so I’m going to give them the benefit of the doubt

interesting that Will and Mike aren’t there doing whatever the heck they’re doing, but Steve and Max are? idk if it means anything, it’s just interesting. makes me wonder if Will and Mike are going to be off figuring out whats happening to Will, while these four focus on something else? but what?

Dustin is ready to throw down (I think that this has to do with his “pet” they’ve been teasing this season. like idk maybe he’s trying to tame it or something)

everyone in this show is about to be in the best damn shape of their lives with all the running they seem to be doing my god

oh my god??? so it looks like they’re sterilizing him for something, but Hop looks like he’s in pain so I’m completely against whatever the hell is going on in this scene

NOTE: this is probably in reference to him paying off his end of the bargain with the lab

can this monster just calm tf down and give these mf kids a chance to take a BREAT?????????????? LEAVE

this whole trailer consisted of horrified looks, people in pain, and running

so maybe Hop is being used to test weapons for the labroatory on the monsters in the Upside Down? and that was the deal he made?

the amount of panic and seeming lack of experience these people working at the lab have expressed on multiple occasions makes me doubt their credibility as scientists to begin with

she looks terrified and sweaty this is not a good combination (also did you know that Nancy Wheeler could run me over with an 18 wheeler and I would say “thank you”?)

that looks like Nancy’s gun so looks like the core group is getting ready to rumble 

can’t tell if he looks suspicious, seductive, confused, or constipated in this shot so MOVING ON

??????????????? who tf are you? (based on the pictures on the walls, he’s in the Byers house?)

anD HES PUNCHING JONATHAN BYERS ABORT ABORT THIS JUST TOOK A TURN I THINK TF NOT YOU TRICK ASS BITCH

I don’t think I’ve ever hated an idea more than the idea of my bois going into the upside down themselves no thanks

does anyone know this guys name? i can’t keep calling him Samwise

wiLLIAM PLEASE NO

a raid of sorts? but on what because this doesn’t look like the upside down so...the real world?

again with these inexperienced scientists working on what is apparently a very important government project. this staff need to be reevaluated

*Teenager by My Chemical Romance plays in the distance*

(the relevance behind this shot makes me curious, because from what i can tell which obviously isn’t a lot with the mask and such, its not anyone we know yet...and it’s just a bunch of teenagers sooooo)

i think it should be noted that Dustin is wearing the same outfit and headset from that scene from the previous trailer where he’s screaming “ABORT ABORT” so my guess is we are just going to have one episode where the kids venture into the Upside Down for a mission of their own (in which they ALL better return safely or I will be making some calls)

i’m confused now, because previous to this, it looked like Dustin was outside with the headset kind of running point, but here it looks like he’s in there with them??? idek anymore

i’m so sosososoososososososo really for this show down scene

HELL YEAH

this pretty much confirms for me my theory on how the love triangle pans out (Lucas and Max end up together) 

*sigh* at this point, i’m officially worried for every single one of the main characters 

LOOKS LIKE JOHNNYBOY HIT BACK(look at that bloody nose) OOooOOooOOOOOoO (also i can’t wait to hate you whoever you are we’re just going to call you Crusty for now)

hmmm....this is the same van that those teenagers in masks were getting out of a few scenes back...interesting

WHO ARE ALL THESE NEW PEOPLE

she literally looks so angry this trailer oh man...though this one she also looks more...upset maybe?

correct me if i’m wrong but is that not the woman who we’re pretty sure is Eleven’s mom? the distortion around the camera also kind of makes it look like a vision/ flashback, so this could possibly be something Eleven is seeing and explain why she’s so upset?

this looks like the same scene where she’s yelling and looking pretty mad. also noted: this is the same outfit she’s wearing when she appears in that unknown door way looking so angry 

NOTE: i’m also confused about her hair? like yes, i know they let Millie grow her hair out this season, but in a recently released short clip where Eleven busts out of the wall into the middle school, her hair is still buzzed. so does this suggest a time jump? if so, how much time has passed? does this also suggest that she came through the upside down a while back and has been living on her own long enough for her hair to get THAT long? which would mean she didn’t go to Mike or the others for help, she just has been roaming around doing whatever it is they’ll have her doing...

solidifies my belief that Dustin and Steve will be the main friendship they will be pushing this season 

NOTE: ....??? why does Dustin have flowers? i lowkey think Dustin is going to awkwardly go to Steve as like a big brother figure to give him advice on his crush on Max

eternal mood

oh okay wow...so this is actually right before all the shit with the kids going into the upside down all happens (Dustin’s shirt and headset)

all of these scenes with the same outfits makes me wonder how long of a time period this season spans over...honestly my guess would be like three days

lol why does Steve seem so confused by the contents of his own trunk

NOTE: whoa whoa whoa this just went from day to night...so the whole “do you still have the bat” scene is different from Steve actually removing the bat from his car

why does Steve have the bat to begin with? I thought it was Jonathan’s?

i’m betting said shit just officially went down

aaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I’M REALLY NOT READY GUYS THIS SEASON IS GOING TO SHAKE US ALL TO OUR CORES 

QUESTION: is there anything you guys want me to do when the episodes are released? maybe like an episode rundown w/ my thoughts and opinions? idek leave a comment if you reblog and have an idea

AND THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH FOR 3K YOU ALL ROCK MY SOCKS OFF LOVE YOU ALL 

[patchworktail]

ITS 4:30 AM AND I DONT FEEL LIKE SLEEPING so I’m gonna do this meme that i got tagged for twiCE and totally forgot to do til now!!!! (i had 2 dig through your blogs to find them omg)

ANYWAY i was tagged by both @mooitstimdrake​ and @cynessie​ (I MISS U BOTH BTW ❤)

RULES: Share 11 facts about yourself, answer 11 questions provided by the tagger, tag 11 awesome people and leave 11 questions for them to answer!

(I’m gonna skip tagging people/asking 11 questions - 1) because I’m lazy 2) because a lot of people who I would tag either have already been tagged or woN’T DO IT and 3) I have to answer two sets of 11 questions anyway so I’ll let one of those sets take the place of my 11 questions!!)

11 Facts

I was supposed to leave to move into my college 3 days ago but since my college is in Savannah they pushed off move-in/orientation for a weEK BECAUSE OF HURRICANE IRMA AND I’M STILL UPSET/DISAPPOINTED

That being said I’m about to start as a college freshman at art school, planning on majoring in animation! :D

I binged all of Buzzfeed Unsolved in like 2 days and I fuckin LOVE IT

Also BNHA is like my current main obsession???? I fell in love w that anime and uhhhh I’d Die For My Kids

I almost never use skype anymore - I’m always on Discord now (mutuals may add me just message me if you want my tag :3c)

I loooove creating OCs and my main OC is a forest elf named Rally and he’s precious and I LOVE HIM AND COULD TALK ABOUT HIM FOR HOURS (also my best friend @/harpxer and I have a huge ongoing rp with him and her mountain elf oc, Kahl!! they’re really gay)

Hmmm fun fact I guess I’ve been involved with internet communities since I was 10 years old and I made my very first internet friend when I was 10 and we’re still great friends and talk p much every day to this day (hi @/fiishr)

I want a tattoo super bad but idk what I’d geT

I worked at a jewelry engraving stand at an amusement park this summer and one night I accidentally gave myself a 1st degree burn on my finger from the hot glue gun and it hurt So Bad

I had my graduation party this July and it was really fun but the best part was when 14 of us played this giant game of spoons and it got really intense, made worse by people randomly screaming during it, and then we collectively decided to blast hardcore rap music from the speakers and Let Me Tell You i have not been involved in a more stressful card game in my LIFE

I’ll always always always fall for the hero/happy character/protagonist basically....idk what it is about me but I’m so Predictable...I love cute optimistic brave characters who just wanna do Right.....I don’t cARE IF PEOPLE THINK THEY’RE BORING I THINK THEY’RE PERFECT AND AMAZIGN AND I LOVE THEM

AS FOR AN EXTRA 12TH FACT ABOUT ME AS U CAN SEE I WRITE WAY TOO MUCH AND ALSO I’M THE BIGGEST OVERSHARER E V E R IT’S SO BAD SOMEONE STOP ME

ANYWAY ONTO THE QUESTIONS :3c

@mooitstimdrake​‘s Questions:

If you were to make a new blog dedicated to one single thing (fandom, hobby/activity, etc) what would it be? Honestly, right at the moment probably BNHA!!!! it’s legit my most recent big obsession and I love it?? so much???

If you could have any kind of animal as a pet, what would you have? A RACCOON!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE THEM SOSOSOSOSOS MUCH and some people actually do have them as pets! They can be difficult though but WORTH IT

Who was your favorite teacher and why were they your favorite? OH BOY......I’m gonna say it’s a tie between my AP studio art teacher and my AP US government teacher from this past year, my senior year! My AP art teacher because our class was super tiny, 12 kids, and it really felt like a family?? She was a-okay with letting us all goof around and say weird shit, she was really chill and funny and like. part teacher, part friend, which was always nice. As for my AP gov teacher, he was SO. FUCKING. FUNNY. OH MAN. NOT EVEN ON PURPOSE he just like? put up with SO MUCH? we had some real character kids in that class and my teacher’s reactions were HILARIOUS. he had a sarcastic streak too so his responses were equally as funny when someone did something weird. He would say the funniest stuff just ask @/harpxer I would tell her so many stories from that class sohboshrb. Aside from the humor that class was really interesting, and he’s a really good, invested teacher - he wanted us to learn, he’s super passionate about government and history, and he always started off each class with 2 current events which was really nice and helped me learn more about things happening in the world too!!! overall that was like my fav non-art class I’ve ever taken!!!!

What’s your guilty pleasure (and I’m challenging you not to say some kind of food)? HMMMMM. Honestly I’m gonna go ahead and say really cheesy or lame movies/shows (like, Disney channel movies, dumb shows - like the one summer I watched all of Glee LOL, stuff like that). Like yeah I know 90% of it is terRIBLE but it’s still amusing/lighthearted stuff that makes me happy KLSDJVLSDHB

Favorite pizza topping? EXTRA CHEESE IF THAT COUNTS, if not then pepperoni!!

What’s the last thing you bought (that wasn’t food)? I’ve actually been buying a lot the past few weeks in prep for college/spending a little money for ONCE since I worked all summer. I got a bunch of boring stuff but the things I’m most excited about are: two posters I got for my dorm (The Office is one and one is Lord Huron), a giant wall tapestry (it’s Up themed!!!), tWO BNHA/POKEMON CHARMS THAT CAME TODAY AND EVERY TIME I LOOK AT THEM I START CRYING BC THEYRE SO CUTE, and oh my GOD I BOUGHT THIS GIANT PILLOW FROM TARGET AND IT IS THE SINGLE SOFTEST THING I’VE EVER FELT AND IT’S HUGE AND IT IMMEDIATELY BECAME MY #1 COMFORT OBJECT AND TOP FIVE FAV THINGS IVE EVER BOUGHT!!!!!! I guess MOST recently though I just bought Clip Studio Paint online today (art program) since it’s on sale for 50% off and I’ve heard great things about it!

What upcoming movies/tv shows are you looking forward to? UHHHHH as for movies... justice league part 1, the incredibles 2, kingsman 2, the neW POKEMON MOVIE I CHOOSE YOU, probably a lot more I can’t remember rn. AS FOR SHOWS HMMM I’m...excited for the next season of the good place and izombie, and oh I’m excited for the punisher netflix show!! and the next season of voltron of COURSE!!! and next season of stranger things!! probably more I’m forgetting too tbh

Any recommendations (this could be anything just throw your best pitch at me)? JFISDJKLBJ I DON’T KNOW OMG tbh rachel you watch a lot of the same things I do already LMAOOO

What’s your favorite thing to wear that you own? OH FUCK I DUNNO HMMM I really like wearing my various leggings and scarves, but as like a Single Item....I like wearing....uhhhh I have this giANT sweater like it’s WAY too big for me but it’s so COMFY and I love it. I also love wearing my Star Labs sweatshirt bc it’s soft and comfortable

What was your first pet? my cat!!! we took her in as a stray kitten living in our backyard when I was like. 2 or 3 and so we’ve basically had her my whole life!!

If you could learn any language, what would it be? UHHHHHH honestly probably spanish - I took it 4 straight years and was okay at it in class but one year went by with me not taking it and I forgot everything LOOOL I’m...bad....at languages....

@cynessie‘s Questions:

Where is the coolest place you’ve ever been? I haven’t been many cool places :( I guess the coolest isssss I dunno it depends? Lake George is where I go on vacation every year, I LOVE NYC, I love Savannah too and it’s where I’m gonna be for college so?? ?? ?  ? I’VE NEVER BEEN OUT OF THE COUNTRY AND I’M SAD BUT I’M POOR AND CAN’T AFFORD IT

What was the first thing you remember wanting to be when you grew up? veterinarian!! 

Look to your right. What do you see? a dirty plate on my desk, my bed just past that, and my CHARMS THAT CAME TODAY THAT ARE SO CUTE I CRY EVERY TIME I SEE THEM

What are you procrastinating on? ajkldjboidj lik e 4 art commissions,,,, and 7 MAP parts,,,, and my pre-work for 2 of my classes,,,,,,,and cleaning my room,,,, and sending thank-you notes to relatives,,, SOMEONE KICK MY ASS AND MAKE ME DO SHIT

Which family member are you closest too and what is their name? UHHHH.... I guess my younger brother Luke? or maybe my mom? I’m not on bad terms with anyone though, I love both my older brothers too and we all have a good sibling relationship I just talk more with my younger bro I think - second closest would be with my second older brother Connor!

What’s the last song you listened to? I’m listening to Ultralife by Oh Wonder right now :3c I’ve been on a huUUGE Oh Wonder kick lately!!

What do you generally carry in your bag/pockets when you go out? my wallet (w my license and money and debit card and all), travel size lotion, phone, and chap stick!!

What is one thing you are excited for? FINALLY GETTING TO COLLEGE NEXT WEEK AND STARTING CLASSES FJIODFHINBDFHBNSBO

Do you believe in ghosts? I’m gonna hesitantly say YES but I’m not 100% convinced I don’t think

What is a skill you want to learn? MAYBE THIS IS WEIRD but I think learning how to act would be kinda neat. On a more realistic note I wish I could learn to exercise without dying

Tell me a joke. I’M BAD AT JOKES DON’T DO THIS TO ME NESSIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SO YEAH THAT’S ALL FOLKS it’s 5am now...Nice..... :’) I love my ability to stay up obscenely late while also getting Nothing Done JLSDNVDHAGHVDLAK

[mssenecarose-blog]

SHOWER

~this scene takes place in a fictional female sorority house based off of one I visited in Utah~

Samantha: alright so downstairs is where you’ll be staying. Right now we’re on what we consider the second floor even though it’s technically the first. But through our odd way of functioning you’re staying on the first floor so if you’ll follow me I’ll show you your room and let you know how things work around here.

Amy: Ok sweet

Samantha: there’s actually quite a lot of your fellow sisters here right now so if we run into any of them they’d be happy to meet you. You’ll be staying in this room here. I know it’s perfect, we put you right in front of the bathrooms. Couple of stalls ,sinks and little girly items to freshen yourself up with if you need them. Nothing special. We try our hardest to keep these things clean but to be honest being in your room is a bit of a task sometimes, let me just warn you. We won’t make this hell for you though.

Amy: awesome I’m just like glad I didn’t get grouped up into a house with a bunch of boys you know

Samantha: yea that’s not cool, idk what fucking times the school thinks we’re living in, that shit was super lame😒 I’m just glad we heard about what you were dealing with and were able to do what we could to get you here Amy like seriously you’re one of the girls don’t let anything steer you off that.

Amy: Thanks Sam

Samantha: hah! Don’t you dare let anyone hear you call me that 😅 if anyone knew I let you get away without calling me Big Sister they’d throw a class A Bitch Fit.

*they share giggles*

Samantha: Anyways showers are a bit further along down this way. Come on I’ll show you. Our shower room has 4 shower heads 2 on each of the walls opposite to one another. The rack on the middle wall is where you can keep your shower toiletries and anything else you’d want

Amy: 😕hmm

Samantha: yea don’t sweat too hard this is just how the house was built and the system is if you and another sister happens to share shower schedules theyre allowed to join in and if you’re a bit uncomfortable with that you can just politely say be out in a minute or something. But honestly it’s a lot weirder said than done, make sure you’re being gracious with your shower time if you’re not feeling generous to share share it.

Amy: Thanks Sam

*new character sticks head into shower room.

Yani: Did she just call you Sam?

*girls can be heard making comments about Samantha’s strick preference of being called Big Sister*

Samantha: Get over it , Get over it. Since everyone seems to be within earshot all of a sudden just meet upstairs for a second so we can get everyone acquainted with our new sister.

[joannawillshrink]

shower thoughts

only this is a thought coming up while watching a Dr Who special called the end of the world part two. 

Which I think is a humorous title. End of the world, PART TWO. anyway

The Master character is the baddie and he has a drumming in his head, constantly, driving him crazy. The Doctor says he could help. And the Master replies in a misty voice, “I dont know what I’d be, without that noise.”

Made me immediately think about myself and current life, without my Mom. Like when people lose someone close to them, common advice or like, motivational talk is “go make them proud” and whatnot. And I’m thinking, I wonder if she can see me and see what I’ve become. So bored and depressed and stagnant, different. Because I really do feel very very different. I’m changed. And I dont like it. 

But I then went on to think about myself in a break up. How I want the other person to miss me. How I, in a twisted way, think its kindof flattering when someone is fucked up after losing me. Which is partially why I’m having a hard time knowing Jesse is fine and has moved on. Because I want to be mourned more. I want to have more visibly affected him. 

And I wonder if, and I’m not saying that my Mom is in any way twisted, or thinking maliciously... this is just my weird thought trail, 

But like, if I died and my family were really “fine” quite quickly afterwards, I feel like I’d be a bit bothered! Is that so immature of me? Like of course I’d want them to be functioning and get out there and do their thing, but not like... too soon! I guess everybody copes differently... I feel very out of touch with what other peoples’ lives are actually like. But just, I feel like my world is much more shattered than I was ready for. But is that my fault? For not “getting over it” faster? But Mom was everything, beyond words of worth or value, her love was like gravity. And it was August 9th, 2015 when it happened. Wow, I just had to look up the year. I guess its been longer than I thought? I dont know. I just feel like my processors are broken. 

Anyways. I feel like I have so much to unpack about this. “I dont know who I’d be without that noise.” Like, I am now a girl without her Mom. I am Joanna without my Mom. And I dont know who I am. I held on to what I thought was normal, with my relationship with Jesse. But now that ending obliterated the false bonds I had convinced myself were working. The phantom ties. 

Theyre gone, and I feel untethered. More purposeless than ever. 

When I didnt know who I was before, I leaned against trying to be a good daughter. That was a wall of my definition of self. But now that wall is gone, with her. I still want to be a good daughter, but showing up for her and having her love and friendship is gone. I know the tra-la-la “she’s always with you” but I mean, in real-time, its gone. 

And its like, a break up. If you get over it too easily, it kindof seems like it wasnt that big of a deal to you. 

But unconditional love is different, right?

I dont even think I know what unconditional love means. I dont think humans are that perfect. I dont think its genuinely possible to unconditionally love someone. 

I find it hard to believe that Jesse cared for me that way. I dont think he thinks of me, I think he nothings me. You know? When its like, I dont like you, but I dont dislike you. I nothing you. 

I wish I nothing’ed him. I dislike him right now. I dont want bad luck to befall him, but I wish I didnt have to witness his happiness. Because I’m jealous. I want to be happy. When I’m upset and other people are happy I feel like theyre bragging about it, rubbing it in my face. Especially when its a partner or friend, and especially especially when its an Ex. 

I used to fear talking to my mom on the phone because if I was sad and needed help or support, she was always more sad. Sadder. And needed MY help. Or if I was happy, and wanted to share it, I was afraid it would sound braggy or she’d feel lesser-than compared to what I had going on. Like, at the beginnings of things with Jesse, I’d mention a detail about kissing or holding hands or something, and she’d get weird about it and throw in some comment about “I wish your father still kissed me” or “goodness, I miss that”  or something. 

I worry thats rubbed off onto me. If I’m upset, like, deeply bothered, I dont want other people around me to be good at walking away. I want to be seen, and to effect others. If I’m crying I want someone else’s mood to change if they see me or hear my story. I want to be respected for enduring the things that are happening. I feel like when people hear a sad personal tale or listen to what youre feeling at the moment, and get up at the end and are fine and just walk away, its incredibly rude and unfeeling and gross. Offensive, even. Maybe thats playing too much of the victim. 

The lawyer in me immediately says “stop wasting your energy trying to get other people to be sad like you, to see you for how sad you are, and use that energy to do something about your own sadness” 

but if youre sad, and just put in the energy to make it go away, is that fixing it? or just ignoring it? 

is ignoring pain the secret to success? just, get on with it? never let it catch up to you?

I wonder if thats everyones suppressed secret. That they ARE in pain, but just running from it. 

I want to be heard and to share my story before I can move on from it. Its like airing out a ghost. Giving it its proper attention and respect so its existence is justified, giving it love, really. I want even the sad parts to be loved. 

So when someone just gets up and walks away unphased from a story I’m explaining, I dont feel love or connection or anything at all. It almost adds to the pain itself. Setting it further back down the hill with even more to climb to escape. 

I stay in bed a lot. I’m not sure how to air out being upset about my ex Jesse. I want to run my mouth about the shit he was in our relationship. I was lousy too, but different. Definitely no saint, but I understand the quiet spectrum in the motivation of cheaters. Not all cheaters. But I get why some do what they do. Because I seeked out attention from other men, men from my past, because I needed more, but didnt want to give up what could maybe be built with Jesse. I was scared to lose the potential of him. But he behaved so coldly, often cruelly emotionally to me, both in obvious but also very quiet subtle ways, that I needed to be around the energy of men who knew me before all that. Old friends who knew my sparkle. Because I needed to remember it, myself. I wished and wished and wished Jesse saw my sparkle, at the beginning of our relationship I thought he did. Which is why I decided to move to his city from my own, and really give it a try. 

But I felt like just another hobby in his life, another thing that needed his precious time. I felt juggled between work, his band, and his motorcycle. Literally, if I saw his eyes light up because he ordered another guitar pedal or motorcycle part, I knew it meant less time/money/enthusiasm for me or our time together. This literally happened, time and time again. 

And after losing the one person in my life who I knew I was their everything, 

I needed to be loved more. I needed to be loved more than a new amplifier. I needed to have someone look at me and get excited like they would when something new would arrive from Amazon. 

I needed to be appreciated for more than just when I was game to have sex. 

I needed to have my sparkle be seen and fanned. 

So I diminished, and I felt, after a while, that he didnt deserve me. That he didnt deserve my best. So when I traveled or was around old flames or friends who I knew understood me and made me feel great just being me, I gave THEM my best. Which, in black and white on paper, is cheating, and isnt cool. 

But my heart needed it. I shouldve broken up with Jesse so much sooner than I did. 

But now, we ARE broken up, and I’m super fucked up about it still. I’m glad we’re not together, but in a way like...  he treated me this way when we WERE together. Indifferent, not seeing how special I am. How great we could be. 

So its like... I guess he’s acting exactly the same. It hurt this much within the relationship, too... but when we were together at least I could yell at him about it. It felt good to yell at somebody for what hurts. His lack of attention still hurts, but now I have no right to get into a fight with him about it. 

Its all to be expected. His behavior. He left his wife to be with me. Someone of 8 fucking years. And he never talked about her really. So why should I be surprised that he doesnt talk about me, or miss me, or seem forlorn. He didnt seem forlorn for her. He was barely single. He wasnt single. He jumped right from her to me. And now he’s very shortly on to the next. I really shouldnt be surprised. 

It would be easier if he wasnt so entrenched in all the people I know. 

Theres always a risk of seeing him out. I wish I was more mature about this. But honestly I’d feel the same even if we were just friends from the start. Its like seeing someone you just simply dont like, regardless of context. If someones a jerk, you dont want them to be where you are. 

I may leave Austin. Its weird, being trapped by comfort. My house is pretty good. Like, the shape of the house itself is cute. Theres a porch. Theres a patio, and a coffee shop across the street. 

But I dont feel happy here. I have no idea where I’d go. But I’m sick of living in a pot house. EEEVery day its bowl bong weed pot cough cough sneeze laugh lame joke bong bong lame joke bad pun leaving dishes fucking everywhere hoarding objects and never using them leaving dirt and coats and shoes and opened mail and bullshit all over the place. 

I feel like I cant bitch because I dont have a job. I’m lazing around sleeping 80% of the day because... of what? Because of sadness, because I dont really want to go out there. I dont want to interact with my roommates who I find annoying. I dont want to take a walk around the neighborhood that I think its pretty boring. I dont want to go to bars and feel less than my past self. Fatter. Older. Uglier. I dont want to go feel my inadequacy proven right. Jesse treated me that way. I moved here five months after my Mom died. Brand new city. 

And I didnt get a job. I didnt do a whole lot of anything. And he hated me for it. He didnt understand and it leaked in. It absolutely showed. 

So now its February 2018. So many months have passed. And I’m still not doing anything. I just dont want to. I dont know where to get a job here, I dont want to commit my time to something that doesnt feel like anything. I want to exercise but it requires a 15 minute drive to get there. I want to cook but our kitchen is so fucking cluttered it drives me nuts. 

Am I too uptight? Like, is this coming off like I cant function unless somethings perfect? 

Im sure it sounds that way... I just... feel no spark. When my new roommate cleaned the bathroom and had music going and was doing the shit I normally do, I felt so pleased and relatable, it was marvelous. But then other two roommates come home and toss their coats all over and smoke weed and plop down watching stupid shows, and it just.. 

Should I try to be more of a leader? Force my way through it and burn my own trail? If theyre watching dumb shit, suggest something better? Take an active interest in life?

I definitely have been passive. I want other people to be interesting. I want to be intrigued by someone’s starting something. Somebody to already have the breadcrumbs laid down and I get to follow them and add to the adventure. I dont know if I have the energy to take the risk of being bold and leading the way, not knowing the caliber of people I’m talking to or bringing with me. Like, I want to spend energy being great around someone I already think is great. I miss having crushes. If I think someone is awesome, I feel like I then get to be super awesome too, in hopes that showing my favorite self, enjoying my own shine... that they’ll notice and enjoy it too. 

But like, why shine for boring people? I dont have any interest in that. I dont want to impress people that dont impress me. 

That sounds super bitchy but whatever. 

Anyways. I’m way off track. 

I just remembered that I need to call my Aunt Carol, who I think is mad at me, because she retired today and I’m overdue to call her. I really dont want to but it needs to be done. Calling a family member that you know is disappointed in you is NEVER fun. I feel the weight on my chest already. Okay, gonna call her. I’ll write again soon.