#theyre like a really unhealthy kismesis i think

[driftwooddestiel]

*brings up f.r.i.e.n.d.s*

SO!!! did you know they were originally going to make chandler gay but they decided not to because matthew perry was straight….. i can never get over that WE COULD HAVE HAD IT ALL!!

and then david crane (i think?) told the writers to write him gay… but have him played/acted straight/……… insane

[defiantdreemurrs]

kismesissitude is actually good

i just saw a garbage take about how having a kismesis is apparently "incredibly unhealthy" and never before have i so quickly into someones garbage little essay realized that they have absolutely no idea what theyre talking about. as someone in a genuine kismesissitude i figure i should set the record straight. lets dive into why kismesissitudes are actually pretty healthy and good to have.

for starters, what even *is* a kismesissitude? the very first comparison were given to human relationships is "an especially potent arch-rivalry" (p. 2395). in fact this is basically the *only* explanation of it were actually given aside from an example of a kismesissitude in the form of jack noir and the black queen in their various incarnations across timelines and universes. over time it would be compared to "hate-dating" with caliginous sex often being referred to as just "hate-fucking", but arguably the fanbase has focused primarily on the "hate" aspect.

thats a valid thing to attach to as its the simplest way to explain it to humans. the red quadrants are like love and the black quadrants are like hate. the problem is, the simplest explanation isnt always the most accurate. this is especially so when the very first explanation of it within the text explicitly states that its more akin to an arch-rivalry, without any real mention of just plain hatred, unless you count the initial acknowledgement on page 2393 explaining the quadrant system as a whole expressing that blackrom is "rooted in the strongly negative [feelings]".

so then, if the spades quadrant *isnt* about just hate-fucking and hate-dating, what is it about?

i dont think i need to say it a third time, but i probably should: its a rivalry. your kismesis is not your enemy. they are your rival. they are not just someone you direct all of your negative feelings and emotions towards. they are someone you might *hate* but someone you also *respect* (p. 7490).

this is why gamzee <3< terezi is expressly described as an unhealthy example of blackrom. gamzee doesnt respect terezi. his actions in their relationship are not an example of a healthy kismesissitude but rather a deeply abusive one. in contrast though, vriska <3< tavros is also *not* a good case study of why kismesissitude as a concept is unhealthy but rather just yet another example of an unhealthy spades relationship, though one less due to a lack of respect and more due to karkats likely accurate diagnosis of tavros as being unable to actually summon enough hate for a kismesissitude to even work.

so let me properly explain what a kismesis is. a kismesis is a romantic partner who you in some capacity harbor negative feelings towards who you see as a rival. and what does a rival do? a rival challenges you. a caliginous relationship doesnt have to be particularly hateful even, just focused on challenging each other thru your negative feelings of each other. having a kismesis is about committing to mutual improvement, both of yourselves and each other, by continually providing a challenge for the other to overcome.

this is even supported by the text. look at karkats explanation to june about how having a kismesis who *didnt* "possess any qualities you [admire] on some level" is both boring and wouldnt work. the "essence of black romance" is in how you would honestly really like and get along with your kismesis if it werent for all their "infuriating flaws, and the incredible sense of frustration that causes" (p. 7490).

implying that blackrom is inherently unhealthy and pointing to the literal actual examples of *bad* spades relationships as your evidence is as flawed as pointing to an abusive human relationship and therefore deciding that all human romance is inherently unhealthy and abusive. it betrays a fundamental misunderstanding of what youre even talking about. its factually incorrect on a level beyond just being wrong about something. hell its honestly kind of insulting.

kismesissitude is beautiful and healthy as long as you understand what youre getting into and dont rush headfirst into something you genuinely dont even get. its not enough to just hate someone. its not even *about* hating someone. its about *why* you hate them. *why* you feel so strongly negative about them. its about *daring* each other to rise above your faults and learn from them so you can be a stronger, better, healthier person (or non-person if you are not in fact a person).