#theyre just so.... ppffhdsjhf

[nicosraf]

I loved your book! Where and how do you get the idea of writing a queer retelling of the fall of Satan? And is there any particular reason that out of all angels it is Michael that Lucifer fell for?

Hello! Thank you so much for reading! I'm happy you enjoyed :] <333

I wrote a long post about why I wrote the book and where it came from but TLDR: I have a lot of trauma regarding my gender/sexuality and Catholicism from growing up in a very Catholic Mexican community and from the couple months in a Christian conversion therapy situation. Queerness was forcibly associated with the devil in my brain, which I still have trouble shaking off, and I basically said, "Ok, let's say Satan is queer then–"

(I should also mention I was really amused by how queer a lot of angel-related texts were – Paradise Lost Book 8, for example, implying all angels are male-ish but have weird sex with each other.)

I'm not sure if you're asking why Lucifer fell for Michael in the story or why I decided to make Michael the love interest. If you're interested in why I choose Michael, I briefly talk about that here!

As for why Lucifer fell for Michael? Well, Lucifer obsesses and loves a lot of things in ABM - God, Earth, Michael (and all those things are a lot more similar than you might think). Michael was a lot to Lucifer – not just the person who told him to love himself but also a representation of a thousand things – power, leadership, strength, confidence and even god-ness.

Lucifer lied to himself a lot – ("He was happy, happy, happy. What else could an angel be but happy?") – and so you have to ask yourself how much of Lucifer's nature in Part 1 was genuine, how much of his want to submit ever was. (This isn't to say Lucifer was wickedly tricking the reader, just that he was insecure, he didn't know what he wanted. He was young.) Lucifer was ashamed of himself. It's said over and over, and surely it's true because he cries so much about it. But didn't he secretly want to be seen too, particularly as he aged? He dressed up for the feast at the gallery and painted his lips with pomegranate. He said he was happy serving God, but then he climbed trees and stared upward, waiting for Michael to return with a universe on his back.

Then Michael did return, and he pampered Lucifer and inflated the ego that maybe always wanted to be just a little bigger, wanted to be guided there. Plus, Michael is really hot. I'm serious. And it goes both ways. Michael fell in love with Lucifer instantly when he saw him from afar because of his beauty. They're both a bit self-absorbed for this: Lucifer wanted the strongest angel to love him, and Michael wanted the most beautiful.

But Lucifer loved Michael's pride, that he did more than just desire him, shyly, from afar: "But [Michael] looked at [Lucifer] differently, calling for him always differently, uttering his name fearlessly, taking and grabbing Lucifer in a way no other angel had the pride to do... 'You do not desire me.' ... 'Because you know I'm already yours." They're both full of themselves, really, but they like it in each other.

And, lastly, "Michael" derives from the Hebrew for "who is like God?". On one hand, Lucifer falling so fast and hard for Michael is just a continuation of his adoration of God (and a much better fit, because Lucifer can speak to Michael like an equal, he can relate to him, he can love him sincerely). And there's something really poetic, too, about Lucifer kissing and embracing and wanting to intermingle with this question of who is God. It's like he's answering it, like he's trying to say, "Me. It's Me."