#theyre QPPs etc etc

[sanguinewolves]

sometimes i forget romance exists like irl and i assume anyone doing romantic things is doing it in a qpr way . so i keep realizing ppl are couples and getting romance jumpscared

[rottingmelancholycake]

Introduction!

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[[[ Heya! I'm Mars, (They/them prns please) and I got struck with the Dandy's world brainrot, so here I am with a blog for my favorite toon Cosmo!! Except he's twisted and sad of course. ]]]

HEY UM I'M A MINOR. Don't be weird around me.

This is also my first time making a blog/using tumblr in general! Please be patient towards me :]

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DNI: Pedophiles, Zoophiles, homophobes 18+ suggestive etc. Don't be a NSFW blog either. basically, don't be a weirdo. ASKS:

ASKS ARE USALLY ALWAYS OPEN.

I'll post something when they close or when their back open!

You can ask these!:

SPECIFIC LORE RELATED QUESTIONS. If they get too lore things, i'll throw a devious /ooc and cackle /lh

You can ask to interract with Cosmo, like give him hugs, sweets, heavy objects he may not like all of it though.

Feel free to curse Cosmo with anything, i'll set a curse limit for 20 asks maximum. (For example, you can curse Cosmo to make him only speak backwards lol. Go wild! M!a s are really cool too...

When Cosmo does a action, his text would start out with [🖤🍰]

Ask me, Mars!! My text will be in this green colour :] (NO NSFW ASKS WITH ME NEITHER OR WEIRD STUFF AND ESPIALLY DONT SHIP ME WITH NOX EW. )

Please don't ask these:

ANY NSFW OR SUGGESTIVE THINGS. Big no.

Please no romantic things. You can ask Cosmo to give you a hug (Maybe) but no more then that.

THIS IS TEMPORARY!! But please no roleplays with Cosmo yet. The only account i'll be roleplaying with for now is @melancholichugs. I'll be sure to notice ya'll if things would change though!

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I DO NOT SUPPORT ANY OF THE PAST CO-DEV OF DANDY'S WORLD (aka Rox's) ACTIONS.

This blog won't have much ship stuff going on really, but it does have implied fruitcake (Sprout x Cosmo!!) You won't be seeing like much sprout AT ALL though so. Feel free to ask Cosmo about Sprout (or any other toons really)

ABSOUTELY DO NOT SHIP MY COSMO AND @melancholichugs's GOOB TOGETHER. They see eachother as CLOSE FRIENDS. (Platonic, even!!)

A FEW WARNINGS. This blog will include:

Lots of gore

Character death (?)

Cannabalisim

Se!f H34M

I will of course give warnings to these! Please proceed with caution...

OF COURSE I would love to thank my lovely friend and QPP Nox (Aka @melancholichugs owner for deciding to make a duo blog with me... I will do lots of art for their blog and in exchange theyre gonna do lots of writing for mine! Were a power duo fr.... 💚

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HASHTAGS:

#🖤🍰- The Ex-Baker snarls. (Cosmo responds to basic asks!) ||

#🩹🍰 - Cosmo explores. (Normal posts) ||

# ❤🍩- Confused Gargling. (Cosmo interracts with other blogs!) ||

# 💙🍰- Joy with the hugger. (Cosmo interracts/mentions @melancholichugs's Goob!) ||

#💔🍓🍰- Pained sobbing. (Cosmo interracts/mentions Sprout.) ||

# ‼🍪 - Confused screeching. (Cosmo interracts with normal toons.) ||

#💔🤎🎂 - TEAR MY HEART OUT. LET IT BLEED. (Cosmo remembers past events. This is also the lore tag!) ||

#🤎🍰 - Rotting Cake. (Cosmo..GETS CURSED??) ||

#💔‼ - Despair and screaming. (This is the tag for the trigger warnings above.) ||

#💚🐉 - The planetary gremlin yaps (Mars speaks!) ||

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EXTRA STUFF

(TW FOR ICHOR)

But yeah heres Cosmo's design!!! silly..

FEEL FREE TO DRAW HIM!! I love fanart..

Welp..Thats basically all! Hope ya'll enjoy fellas :]

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[mha-quotes-and-such]

Oooh. I hadn't really thought about KiriKami before, but I can see it! Any favourite headcanons/scenarios for them?

(And I also don't share the "big popular ships", so high five? *awkward palm up*)

Here’s a few head canons I have for them:

If you’ve seen Bill and Teds Excellent Adventure, that is EXACTLY what kirikami is to me. They’re absolutely inseparable, share a singular braincell, are so pumped to do everything together, and call each other bro/dude CONSTANTLY

They say bro/dude/no homo/etc. so often that most people are surprised to learn they’re together

Theyre also each others only impulse control. When one does something stupid theres a 50/50 chance the other will stop them or join in

They make videos of all the stuff they get up to, often featuring the rest of 1A and the bakusquad in particular. Their goal is to become the next jackass

I see them a little more as being qpp’s as opposed to having a romantic relationship. That being said, they love introducing each other in the most over the top romantic ways (for example “This is my sweet precious little angel of a boyfriend, Kirishima”) and then not acting romantic in the slightest afterwards

Someone told them guys are supposed to be gentlemen to their partners. Now the two of them have an ongoing bit of getting down on one knee and kissing the others hand as a greeting

As for a scenario, I would like to direct you to this hilarious post of their graduation photo

[rookmeo]

🐸 +🐥 for the ask game?

🐸: @ your favorite editblr blog !

@3dlove my darling qpp promotion again LOOK TO HIS EDITS NOW. theyre very aquacore :] !!!!

@hiddencircus is my mortal enemy. exploding their edits a thousand times. i do think his edits are like. Really fucking good though. Honest. i love seeing them and going "what fucking wizard shit did he do." you see one of my hobbies is like looking at other people's edits and disecting them in my head and figuring out how they did that and this etc etc lol and they're one of my main targets >:]

@cobaltpegasi just scroll through tumblr user cobaltpegasi's blog. i dont need to explain. just look.

@rozealia i found them recently i think and theyre not getting enough notes i think so please give them 1 billion rbs ty

@pink-sugar mortal enemy no. 2. i think his edits have an ori specific charm to them hehe

@utaicon YEAHHHH very cool edits

@gothpoke my friend!!! brian!!! i also dont need to explain brian just look at his edits.

@lovesick-level-up urjensishdud i love their edits a lot one of the people that made me start editing skdjfjdkdksmdjdk :]

+ more i forgor. im the loverrr but im also forgetful as shit 😭

🐥: what is your favorite blog theme you’ve had ?

anything thats purple. i think my old diana theme was also pretty slay. my old qiqi theme is also iconic to me bc it was made by a mutual who left tumblr augj. i also like my current theme a lot!

[seased]

alright there are gonna be slashes in this post because i shant want it found by those who dont already know my madness…

while i am now an aroace ded truther (i think it pairs with thier character in an interesting way; singularly focused eccentric genius, trouble w expressing their feelings, isolationist, etc), if we suppose a world where we have to ship d/edf1sh, i dont think id pick c/allie

the more we get to know d/edf1sh’s personality AND the further away we get from splat2 sadstuck c/allie, the less sense c/alf1sh makes to me… if i had to guess, a lot of newer fans just consider it a fandom default now, they dont really get that the original appeal was the pair being post-mind control angst/recovery fic about it. usually ppl cast agent 3 on this shit now. (tangent but that really dates c/alf1sh as something we invented like between ded’s announcement and OE actually coming out lmao). we’ve got a whole games worth of content of c/allie between then and now and girls just not troubled like that anymore because nintendo hates status quo change. beyond that, we have a ded that is dry and sarcastic, or criminally subdued. more of a hater than previously reckoned.

my thesis statement is thus: perhaps it should be m/arie. marf1sh. depending on the translation she is also dryly sarcastic or criminally subdued. if we’re just sticking c/allie and ded together bc theyre both “single” isn’t m/arie single too? her most popular ship is m/4rie which is considered taboo by like half the fandom, so shes obviously not doing too hot lmao. plus, green and green. and, goths.

my own counter thesis is: harmony. because ded and harmony are the same character. girl dj weird personality hat oversized t shirt. they could sit in the same room and have incredibly loud color palettes together… in fact i bet you could lean harmony to CMY to match ded’s RGB and it would be horrible. plus, i think there’s some qpp-type specific potential here

ya know and a tangential primary thesis: if we have marf1sh, what about calmony? harmony’s brand new personality is very similar to fandom ded; empty headed music freak, with a manic pixie dream girl and/or tsundere bend. and theyre both pink. if the person callie dates is only to be used as a sponge for her emotions, i think the truly empty head is a better fit now that ded has shit in there.

[dropoutparty]

Would you mind explaining your Arts and the crafts au? I’m interested

IM SO SORRY THIS ANSWER IS SO LATE BUT HERES THE RUNDOWN LOL

basically it started with me just imagining the show but with certain things that bothered me omitted or changed to fit my preferences, then i started incorporating some elements/characters from the games, and then it just evolved into a whole au with a plotline LOL! the characters i chose to include feel really random and unrelated when i just list them out but i promise there was SOME kinda logic to it,,, probably just jokes that were made between me and my qpp that i just decided to include for real lol! obviously theres adeline and ribbon (whos designs ive already posted here), but they come into play way later in the story lol. the main people i added are prince fluff, gooey, dark matter blade, drawcia, yin-yarn, and zero. queen ripple is also here too but she plays a pretty minor role lol.

it takes place pretty soon after the anime, specifically during the rebuilding of cappy town after it was destroyed in the finale. basically, drawcia shows up with gooey and dmb (they are her sons) and yin yarn shows up with fluff (his doll son he brought to life with magic). yin and drawcia meet and eventually get together because theyre both strange and offputting (affectionate). the name "arts and the craft" actually is a reference to them, since "arts and crafts" could be a term used for both knitting and painting, and "the craft" is a term used for magic :3! pretty soon after they arrive, weird stuff starts happening around town and its discovered that 3 girlies were sent to cappy town to generally cause a commotion. these girls are the 3 dark matter sisters that appear in kirby 64 (aka the ones that possess waddle dee, adeline, and ddd in-game)! later zero shows up and i thought it would be really funny if i just made him like the most divorced guy ever so hes literally just here to get drawcia back LOL??? she says no of course so he gets real mad and a fight breaks out. our heroes win of course and boom thats the plot babeyy!!! i was also gonna have some character arcs going on in the background of all of this (like ddd becoming a slightly better person, escargoon figuring out how to hate his life a little less, meta knight fully coming to terms with his past and healing from it, etc.) but thats the gist of things :3! looking back at my drafts and stuff i think its a bit too serious at times so if i decide to work on it again im definitely easing up on the drama LOL!

ty for ur interest :D! its nice to know that people wanna know more about my silly little story ideas <3

[boylikermenlover]

explain yr ocs!! :)

HI HI I LOVE U. okay so i'll be talking abt my Robots ocs !! (theyre not all robots, thats just the name i use for the universe(?) theyre in !!)

Ok so the first ones i made was ROS-4 (Rosa, 'pink' in portuguese) and 4-ZUL (Azul or Zul, 'blue' in portuguese)

Rosa(left) is a demigirl (she/it (lol)) robot !! Shes a type -4 robot which means the bigger type, usually used for strengh needed activitities !!!! Shes like 2 meters tall or smthing.

Zul (right)is agender-boy (he/she) and a type 4 robot, which are the tinyest types !! Usually made to be babysitters or preschool teachers (Zul's case) because the shorter they are (zuls 1,60 something meters) the safer kids feel with them etc etc

Theyre romantically dating !!!!

ok so lets talk abt the two important humans from the Robots

Lara(left) (she/they) is a robot programmer and mechanic !!!! She has a store where she fixes robots and sells parts etc !! Rosa works at her store sometimes helping her !! Her names Lara cus laras moms favorite fruit were oranges (which in portuguese are called LARAnjas) (she didnt tell lara the reason) funnily enough orange (also laranja in portuguese) is laras favorite color lol

Morte (means 'Death' in portuguese) or Mor is a trans woman (she/her) human !! She has a preschool (dont know the word for that in eng sorry) and Zul works for her there !!!!

She and Lara are dating <33

Also Mor Lara and zul are in a qpp

theres also others like Tuli (they/it), Dália(no pronouns/use dálias name), perse/echo (he/they/it/she) robots and Guy (he/they) and China (she/he) humans ! Also paloma (they/she) human

Also i could talk abt how rosa and zul met and how perse and tuli met (theyre dating) or how abt their and dálias gender or abt guys sexuallity or his and chinas ralationship or chinas gender etc

Or abt how robots work how their gender work (most of them are nonbinary (lol) for a reason 👀 👀) or or etc <33

But thats it for now

THABKS A LOT I LOVE YOU I WOULD DIE FOR YOU 😍😘🥰💘💓💖💕💗💝💞

[eldritchmochi]

so the kind of relationship that @catgirlhell describes is literally my polycule, despite everyone involved being aspec to at least some extent

i am married to a good friend i met thru fandom 12+ years ago. we have an entirely nonsexual platonic marriage. we got married because we have a lot of the same life goals (house, fostering/adopting kids, etc) and we work really well as living partners, plus theyre in the medical field and i have really complicated health, plus their mom is the sort to badger about marriage and kids, plus i am estranged from my family, and u get a ton of great tax benefits from being married so we were like hell yeah why not

and its GREAT. i have Designated Family in one of my best friends whom i love with my whole heart, they get less pressure from their mom, we both benefit from the legal relationship status... ITS GREAT

and the rest of my polycule is also aspec too; my boyfriend and i do share mutual sexual and romantic interest in each other as incredibly demi folk, and my gf has a partner with a similar dynamic, but despite calling my gf "girlfriend" in casual settings, like my wife, its platonic. my other bean is also a qpp and boy did my heart flutter when they named us that because like, yeah, its a platonic relationship but it is also a statement of wanting to be in each other's lives for the long haul, thru sickness and in health, thru kids and cats and shitty roommates, thru birthday cakes picked to fit everyone's dietary needs, thru adopting rituals to soothe ur loves anxiety. its LOVE, full stop.

i have one "standard" relationship that includes mutual romantic and sexual interest. i have no want to try and chase after more, cos its so incredibly rare for me to experience that kind of attraction, but that doesnt mean the close, important, loving relationships i have with my other partners are lesser because they are platonic, nor does it mean my web of close, important, loving relationships arent a polycule cos im only fucking one of them

n e wai, qprs are valid as hell and more people should marry their best friends for tax benefits, thank u catgirlhell for taking time to research and understand, thats hella cool and you hit a clean bullseye 💜💜

I can’t get over this lmaooo

[nether--prince]

for the tav questions: 1, 2, 4, 5, 14, 22, 23, 24, 27, 29, and 30!

oh ive b33n exploded

1) what's your tav's name, class, and race? lux, fiend warlock, asmodeus tiefling. boring but it me

2) which background do they have? how does it play into their story? guild artisan! mostly it's an excuse for being kinda awkward, kinda sheltered, but also manipulative when it n33ds to be

4) favourite weapon type to beat away goblins with? dual scimitars. yes i read drizzt as a kid. no scythes in bg3 ;^;

5) for the spellcasters, what's their favourite spell? im a warlock. eldritch blast baby. but also hunger of hadar is really good

14) what was your tav's life like before they got kidnapped by the mindflayers? on average days, it was just an artist doing work for the local guild, helping draw fancy chalkboards for restaurants, etc etc, while doing little things for its patron, mostly fetch quests and giving him links to the material plane

22) who was your tav's family? did they have any? it was very, very, very alone aside from its patron. (unless this is the au with you, in which case it had its sister ::33)

23) did your tav's dream visitor manifest as anyone in particular, or someone random that they've never seen before? someone random; a big hunky drow. an outcast who was strong and kind and gentle. aka catnip for the lonely loser

24) what was your tav up to in baldur's gate? did they live there, or were they in the wrong place at the right time when the mindflayer ship came through? i think im gonna contradict myself potentially and say it had moved there for seasonal work, maybe a relation betw33n the neverwinter artisan guild and the gate's. maybe there for like a month, enough time to be comfortable going out alone, and then... yoink

27) how does your tav react to wyll's pact and patron? if they're a warlock, was there anything specific? it's SO FUNNY because lux is totally besties with its patron. theyre so close its almost romantic. like qpp level. and its so annoyed with mizora for being a bitch and making it this stereotypical shitty patron relationship and annoyed with wylls dad for being an asshole but it cant say anything because how do you say 'nah man my patrons cool you just got the shit end of the stick'

29) after baldur's gate is saved, what will your tav do? during the rebuild, it lives in the gate with astarion. he's not ready to leave where he's lived for almost 250 years, even with the bad memories attached. but they go on adventures together to look for remedies for his negative vampire traits and visit the underdark and halsin. way in the future i could s33 them moving to outer neverwinter together and having too many cats and being very domestic

30) who's their favourite animal companion at camp? evil question. but it's the cub. tawny is its big baby.

[vivid-badsquad]

here to dump my inzane vbz lgbt hcz (and general) becauze im fucking right oka!! /zilly

kohane:

he/zhe tranzmazc lezbian (alzo dating an bee tee dubz!)

cutz her hair like rlly zhort (like pixie kinda zhort?) when he getz older and feelz ZO much better abt her appearance!!!! alzo haz a more mazculine kinda clothing ztyle but itz more or lezz the zame ZTYLE of clothing

dyez partz of her hair a kinda peachy-pink colour

GROWTH ZPURT TALLER THAN AN IM ACTUALLY ZEGA!!!! prob like 5'5/5'6? tallezt 5'7 but around the 5'5-5'7 height range alzo he totally teazez an about it

an:

they/them nonbianry ace and Queer (that one card iz all i need 2 prove that theyre ace... bro wearing a whole azz ace jacket) (i feel like they wouldnt uze an actual zexuality label but they wouldnt date a man)

putz their hair in a ponytail a LOT more bcuz it "getz the hair out my face" (they want to look cute. it workz)

u cant tell me thiz bitch grew? nuh uh bro ztayed 5'3 their whole life after 💀

from zomewhere in the country and never really lozt the accent

akito:

he/him ciz n bi (came over hiz internal homophobia im zo proud of him <3 hez ztill a ztinky man to me tho i hate him w my whole heart <3) (touyaz qpp)

def kept zomething zimilar to hiz hair w the green ztreakz zayz it "makez him look cooler" (it makez him look like he haz znot in hiz hair (an remindz him of thiz daily))

bpd little man

touya

he/they demirom ace (akitoz qpp)

tizm

i dont have many hcz for him tbh...

general vbz:

eventually move in together (akito iz totally the one to keep everything (cupz etc) in hiz (zhared with touya)room)

they all playfully bully eachother after a few yearz

[autistic-mandalorian]

Here are my two newest! Meet Storm (et/ets/ou/oum/she/her) and Shelt'nell (ae/aer)!

Storm is a Coruscant Guard Medic and Shelt'nell is a Temple Guard; they kept getting assigned to the same political showoff unnecessary bodyguard duties and developed a friendship, and later became QPPs.

Storm ended up on Coruscant after stepping on a landmine and getting ets leg blown off & losing ous hearing in her left ear (also where the scar is from). It was only through intervention by Akera Ragrotu (another OC of mine) that et was transferred to Coruscant and not sent back to Kamino. Et has a very "I Cannot Flinch Even Once In The Face Of All Of The Horrors Or Else I Will Lose" attitude, and is a very stoic and competitive person in general. Ou has a special interest in meteorology and is very committed to the theme of her name; she does not like dressing in CG red and would prefer to wear blues and grays all of the time. Aroace.

Shelt'nell is a Selkath Jedi Temple Guard with a congenital limb difference (right arm ends just below the elbow) and one lost eye from a bad fall as a kid. Ae spends most of aer time as a Guard being a steward for the Temple: tending the gardens, cleaning the floors and windows, painting the walls, watching over the children, cleaning the water in the aquatic areas (Selkath are amphibious), etc. Ae is a somewhat socially awkward person and tends to compensate with over-the-top kindness and hospitality. Ae likes the anonymity of being a Guard and enjoys putting on a little persona when under the mask; ae also likes to blow off steam by hooking up with people under different personas and pseudonyms. Ae prefers to always have something to do with aer hands, and likes moving meditation (especially swimming). Bisexual.

These two have a whole storyline where they become queerplatonic partners during the war, with each knowing (but pretending they don't) that it can't last because Storm hates Coruscant and wants off as soon as the war ends, and Shelt'nell loves and has devoted aer life to the Temple and could never leave it; plus, with them being a Jedi and a clone, the inherent power imbalance is... eeeesh... so they ignore it. During Order 66, Storm's chip causes et to believe that Shelt'nell has betrayed her (ous interpretation of the All Jedi Are Traitors message), and because of how few people Storm trusts and how deeply she bonds, et is destroyed by this belief and immediately breaks rank and makes ous way to the Temple to personally kill aer in revenge.

When Storm manages to find Shelt'nell, ae is helping a few Jedi to escape the massacre. The threat Storm poses, as well as aer own unwillingness to kill oum, forces Shelt'nell to basically shove the Jedi out a side door with instructions to a private speedcar (or whatever theyre called, I hate star wars words). From there, the two fight until Shelt'nell is able to incapacitate Storm by throwing her against a wall. Ae gets the hell off of Coruscant with the help of a sympathetic Space Bus Driver and manages to hold Storm in unconsciousness until ae can get them both to a random backwater planet.

On that planet, Shelt'nell makes the very heavy devision to sell aer lightsaber in order to hire a medical droid to remove the "tumor" in Storm's brain (found with the help of the Force). After the operation is successful, the two spend the remainder of their lives hiding out on a tiny farm on the outskirts of the city they landed in.

The main theme of Shelt'nell's story is Change and Choosing to Change. Ae made an oath to protect and steward the Jedi Temple, and to follow the Jedi Code. But then ae was thrust into a war that broke half the tenets of the code, ae fell in love with someone whose life goals were diametrically opposed to aer oaths, and then everything ae ever pledged aer life to was burned to the ground around aer. The confrontation with Storm is basically the narrative asking Shelt'nell: "Will you hold to your oath and die a Guard, or will you break your oath and live in a world where the Order you pledged yourself to is gone?"

The lightsaber is an affirmation of this choice. Will you hang on to the one thing you have left of your oath, your order, your temple, or will you choose to save the person you never could have been with if you had kept your oath? And Shelt'nell chooses Storm, again.

And Storm's story is about finally choosing etself. For so long she kept her head down, tried not to make waves, took care of ous siblings as best as ou could, refused to let anyone in, refused to Lose, to Crack, to Flinch. Shelt'nell was the only thing she really Chose for etself, and that choice was paid back in kind in ous time of need. Storm was the one who decided to buy the farm they end up living in, so that et could observe the planet's weather patterns without light pollution. Despite the horror of it all, Storm gets to know peace.

btw guys. guys. can you tell me about your star wars ocs? guys.

[spicycreativity]

Remus Sanders de Cyrano de Bergercock, or: Post-PoF but Make it Valentine's Day

4k; content warnings for crude sexual jokes and references (Remus) and one short make-out scene 😌

I tried a new narration style this time just for funsies

Happy Valentine's Day!

Janus was doing it again. The teacups on the table had long since been emptied and now the dregs sat cold and still smelling faintly of Thomas' anglophile phase. Two teacups. One for Janus, one for Patton (and still smudged with his strawberry-flavored lip balm). Remus had pointedly been left out of the equation, having been shooed out of the room with a 'behave' that held all the menace of a teenage girl warning her parents not to ruin her first date.

Now the little meeting was over and Remus had been unleashed and Janus was just staring at the teacups in the least dangerous silence Remus had ever known.

Most of Janus' silences came with a bold warning spelled out in crossed arms and furrowed brows: disturb me and perish. But this. This was something Remus had never seen before, something that would have made Virgil (the old Virgil) cackle with friendly schadenfreude: Janus sat with a flush on his cheek and a small smile on his lips as he stared dreamily at the spot Patton had occupied not five minutes before. Even as Remus observed him, he sighed and tilted his head, more Disney prince than man. (Somewhere on the other side of the subconscious, Roman suffered a shooting chest pain.)

Beads rattling, Remus got a running start and threw himself onto the couch beside Janus, jostling him out of his lovestruck stupor. "You're mooning," said Remus, kicking his feet up on the coffee table. The cups and saucers rattled, wafting up the smell of earl grey and Louis Tomlinson.

"I'm not mooning," Janus argued, more out of habit than anything. A millisecond later, the teasing clicked and he straightened his posture, his face falling into picture-perfect incredulousness. "Over Patton?"

"You're moonier than a college football game." Remus reached for his fly to give a demonstration, but Janus stopped him with an outstretched hand. Remus sat back to allow the mental image to sink in instead.

He'd had a sneaking suspicion something like this might happen, hammered home by how excruciatingly one-note Janus had been lately. Every other sentence was about Patton somehow, whether to complain about his taste in food/movies/philosophical ideologies/friends or to recount some 'utterly stupid' thing Patton had said about food/movies/philosophical ideologies/Remus. It was a textbook crush with all the signs and symptoms of someone too emotionally stunted to tell they had a crush. This starry-eyed, gooey, abhorrent Janus was simply the final nail in the coffin of the dead horse. Crushes like these were the reason Disney had invented the word 'twitterpated.'

"Look," said Janus, lacing into his metaphorical tap shoes, "if this is because I kicked you out, I genuinely don't think you would have enjoyed yourself—"

Remus pulled up his sleeve to check his watch, which he had imagined into existence as soon as it was necessary for the gag. "Uh-huh, uh-huh."

"If it's really that important to you, I'll invite you next time and you can sit right next to me and listen to Patton talk for three hours about his conflicted feelings on pugs."

Remus ran a hand through his hair to hide the manic grin yanking on either corner of his mouth like he'd been caught with fish hooks. "How does Patton feel about pugs?"

"He thinks they're cute, but he hates that they have such severe breathing problems," Janus answered automatically. The flush had crept into his cheek again, a dainty shade of pink that made Remus' toes curl inside his boots. There was a softness in Janus' eyes that Remus had never seen before, not even when Janus was talking to him about Thomas, whom Janus valued above all else.

He was lost.

Something must have shown on Remus' face, because Janus slammed the door shut on everything too early, and his face was a blank mask ready to be molded into an expression he hadn't chosen yet. Remus took the opening, watching Janus decide on an expression as he talked: "I bet he likes you back. He's always coming around to visit and you're always locking me away in the chokey!" He threw himself against the back of the couch, raising his arms as though he'd been chained to a dungeon wall. "Augh! The indignity!" He made a whip-crack sound with his mouth and pretended to flinch. "Harder!"

"Are you done?" Janus asked, having settled on annoyed incredulity.

"Will you admit that you were all moony-eyed for Patton just now?"

"I was thinking—"

"About Daddy Patty's 9-inch c—" With a subtle motion from Janus, Remus' hand came up to cover his own mouth.

"Look," said Janus with a heavy sigh. When Thomas wasn't forcing him to the forefront of conscious thought, when his features belonged wholly to himself, he was the shortest of all of them. He looked especially small now. "Even if I had an interest in Patton, which I don't, pursuing him, which I don't want to even do, would just make things harder and more complicated for him. So even if I wanted anything to do with him, it would be far kinder to just keep it to myself."

"Or," said Remus, his hand finally dropping from his mouth, "convince yourself you don't even have feelings for him in an act of self-delusion and cognitive dissonance to allow yourself to not think about the fact that you, the embodiment of selfishness and self-preservation, are committing an act of pure selflessness that defies your function? Hypothetically?"

Janus sighed so heavily that it sent a shiver down Thomas' spine. "Sure, Remus."

A thousand thoughts raced through Remus' mind until his brain (imaginary, metaphorical, or otherwise) threatened to shut everything down and send him floating into the gentle waters of dissociation. "Interesting," he said as the water began to lap at his ankles.

"In that case," Janus said in a slow, guiding tone, "it would be better for you to just leave it alone. Do you hear me, Remus? Say it with me now: Leave it alone."

But Remus was gone, swept away on the tide.

-

Janus really was a bad liar, when you thought about it. His real talent lay in obfuscation, namely, in keeping his mouth shut when it really counted. Once you got him talking, the truth practically ran out, but it ran out backwards and usually tripped and fell on its ass. If Janus succeeded in smoothing everything out, it was usually through more obfuscation.

But this time, he had failed to obfuscate the truth. Remus, with his persistence, was uniquely well-suited to weaseling the truth out of Janus. And so it lay naked and tantalizing before him: Janus was head-over-heels for Patton. And it was making him miserable. That couldn't be allowed. Remus had to fix it.

In many ways, Remus served as Janus' opposite; blunt and aggressive, he got his way through the repeated application of verbal force. He was a living wrecking ball with an experienced hand at the controls. Probably some old Italian guy named Vito who smoked cigars on his lunch break and thought OSHA was a small town in Wisconsin.

Anyway.

Remus' impulse had been to swagger on down to Patton and tell him outright just how badly Janus wanted him. But, contrary to prevailing belief, he was sharp enough to know how that would end. As much as Patton insisted that everyone needed to tell the truth, he sure wasn't equipped to handle it, at least not until it had been wrapped up in pleasantries. Like wrapping a pill in lunch meat for a stubborn dog. No, Remus needed a subtler plan, a plan that slithered and crooned like that creepy snake from The Jungle Book. Remus was going to have to act like Janus.

So. WWJD? Probably something old fashioned like— The speeding semitruck of an idea struck Remus full force: Love poetry. Some flowery, hand-written little rhyming missive, scented paper, swirling calligraphy. A piece of paper appeared on the desk before him and a pen jumped into his hand.

Huh, when had he gotten to his room? Maybe Janus had taken him once it became clear that Remus was having a trip.

Eh. Did it matter? Taking up the ballpoint, he scribbled 'Draft 1 Love Poem, Remus de Bergerac.'

No.

'Cyrano Vaginerac.'

He could do better 

Ooh. It was coming to him. Cyrano de Berger-cock, the porno parody, and instead of having a big nose, Cyrano was cursed with a 12-inch monster—" Knock.

Knock knock knock.

Remus' paper had turned into a screenplay without his realizing. He flipped it over as he went to answer the door, humming The Police's Roxanne on his way. Deception was the name of the game. No hints.

Janus stood in the doorway tapping his forefinger against his thumb. Remus beamed at him. "How goes it, Romeo?"

Janus made a face like Remus had just inserted a slice of lemon into his mouth. "I was just coming by to ask you to keep it down. You've been awfully noisy since this morning."

Remus spotted the concern buried in the sarcasm and the truth sprang to his lips before it could even occur to him to lie, but he caught it by the tail in the nick of time: "I'm okay. I'm just working on—" He stared at Janus, wide-eyed and smiling in cornered-animal frustration. The silence stretched out before them and his imagination, which he had previously thought boundless, delivered no lie. Well, there went that.

What Remus did not know: The look of feral panic on his face was nigh-indistinguishable from the expression of manic excitement that tended to overtake him when he was immersed in a project. That he had gone silent was of no concern to Janus, who was merely waiting to be polite. He waited a few seconds longer. Remus' left eye began to twitch. "Can I come in?"

"But of course!" Remus said, snapping back into himself. Acting against his function was hard and it kind of hurt in the same way it hurt to focus on something he didn't find interesting. Janus suppressed him a little as he came in, a small exertion of denial to keep the effects of Remus' room at bay. "Business or pleasure?"

"This place is filthy," Janus said like that was any sort of revelation. Remus threw himself backwards onto his bed to wait. Janus would get to his point in time. "Look, you'd tell me if you were upset, wouldn't you?"

"Upset?" Remus sat up, but Janus was busy pretending to care about Remus' DVD collection.

"About certain conversations we might have had this morning?" Janus prompted.

"Do you like Patton better than you like me?"

The answer was not immediate, which was how Remus knew to trust it. "...Of course not."

"So why would I be upset?"

"Oh, you know, I've heard tell that some people can get jealous when, uh…" Janus broke off, having lost himself. "If I had a thing for Patton, I might expect you to be slightly…" He gave up with a sigh and looked plaintively at Remus. "So you're not jealous?"

"Please!" Remus spread his arms out wide. "I may be green, but not with envy! You can get back to your mooning guilt-free."

"I'm not—" Janus gave up with a huff. "I think I'd better go. I'm going to be very busy with important work, so try not to disturb me." He swept out, leaving the invitation floating in the air like fine cologne.

Remus waved it away. Unlike Janus, he did have work to do.

A new stack of paper was waiting for him at his desk. He sat, one leg folded with the ankle resting on his opposite knee. If it were up to him, he would write something to the point like 'Roses are red, violets are blue, rhyming is hard, let's bone.' But Janus would never say something like that in a million years and the point was to sound like him.

The subtle feeling of discomfort was back. It just wasn't in his nature to imitate and skirt around things like this. But if it was for Janus, he would endure it.

Such a declaration was easy to make, but much harder to stick to. Remus wrote two stanzas of a sestina before the fraying high-wire of his attention span snapped and the unicycle-riding clown driving his thought process plummeted to a gory death in front of a crowd of sickened onlookers. Well, that was fine. It wasn't like Janus was some master poet. Poetry didn't suit him, anyway. These two stanzas would have to be enough, plus an envoi tacked on for a feeling of completion. Writing in iambic pentameter was hard enough on its own, it's not like Janus would really put in the extra effort to make it all rhyme, right?

Janus' pen of choice was the Monteverde Invincia in brass, a suitably pretentious pen that matched his aesthetic. Thomas had seen one once in a boutique stationery shop and Janus had seized the memory in all six of his yellow-clad hands. But Remus didn't know that, only that Janus had some sort of a fetish for fancy pens, and what was fancier than a quill pen?

After a few failed attempts at cursive, he came to realize that writing neatly with a quill on was about as intuitive as performing a kickflip in stilettos. Ah, well. Rollerball, then.

Once done, he surveyed his work and felt oddly proud of the result. His looping cursive looked good on the cardstock he'd chosen, shiny gold against matte black. Remus had, against all odds, done a good job impersonating Janus. (Or so he thought).

Remus' poem read thusly:

With one deft thrust, you opened up my chest

And there exposed my bleeding, beating heart

Will you gasp when you find it burning up

Or hold it in a one-handed embrace?

Just one touch has left me open for you

Panting, trembling, waiting for your next move

Oh, oh, oh! how I long to make you move

And meet you face-to-face and chest-to-chest

With no one in our way, just me and you

And in the silence you would hear my heart 

You would feel the pounding as we embrace

In this sweet moment, you would take me up

Know the rabbit-fast movement of my heart

Eat me up within our tangled embrace

Eyes, chest, feet, mouth: yours. I belong to you.

Discerning readers will spot anywhere from 7 to 10 sexual innuendoes in the above. Luckily for Remus (and maybe Janus too), Patton had an endearingly obnoxious (or obnoxiously endearing) habit of taking everything at face value.

Remus signed the bottom of the paper with a shiny, swooping 'J' and set off for Patton's room.

The following hour was an ecstasy of agony, all trembling limbs and giddy anticipation. Remus paced and bounced on the balls of his feet, even going so far as to make a few passes by Janus in the living room but never quite daring to show his face. He was too nervous right now; his honest face would give away the game faster than Virgil could jump to a bad conclusion. So he paced until his thudding heel strikes summoned Janus, who was doing a passable job of pretending to be annoyed, anyway. He had his arms crossed over his chest and his hip cocked just so, but the furrow of his brow hinted more at concern than he would have preferred. But that was alright. Good lies weren't necessary with Remus. "If you're trying to wear a hole in the floor, you're going to get bored before you get anywhere with it."

"Not if I wear really heavy shoes," Remus said, but he was too distracted to summon up a pair of cinderblocks to demonstrate his point. Instead, he leapt forward and turned, slinging one arm easily over Janus' shoulder. "Let's go play Pokémon Stadium."

-

Remus sat in the discomfort of lying for the next few days, shimmying and stamping his feet when the unfamiliar sensation got to be too much. Janus remained none the wiser, too caught up in a pink-tinged and distinctly 1950s-inspired love fantasy. He kept having dreams about sharing strawberry sodas with Patton and waking up with a craving for strawberry-flavored kisses. Beyond that, nothing happened. So much nothing, in fact, that it was starting to get unusual.

"Where's the Foxy Froggie?" Remus asked on the third morning after his illicit delivery, inadvertently startling Janus out of a daydream wherein Patton asked him to go steady at the roller rink.

Janus stiffened and said, slightly too casually, "Am I Morality's keeper?"

Well, damn. He hadn't snuck into Janus' bedroom in the night and, in the immortal words of Conway Twitty, laid him down and whispered pretty love-words in his ear. Remus tucked his feet under him on the couch and began to work. "You killed him with a rock?"

"Don't be uncivilized, Remus, obviously I used poison."

"The coward's weapon." Remus waved a hand, grinning behind it.

"'Coward' in one font is 'pragmatist' in another," Janus said lightly, glad of the distraction. Patton's absence was unusual and it weighed on him.

"Sorry," said a voice that was neither Remus' nor Janus', "is this a bad time?"

Remus sprang to his feet in delight, unable and unwilling to keep the deranged grin off his face. "Not at all!" he said. Then, regrettably, he threw his head back and cackled like an asthmatic hyena.

Patton (the voice belonged to Patton, if you hadn't already figured that out) took this in stride. Sort of. "Uh, great!" he said with an expression like an underpaid worker who'd just found out he was getting a pizza party instead of a raise. "Thanks."

He was holding, Remus noticed with delight, a small, white envelope. "Shall I leave you two alone together?" he crooned, leering at Patton. This was it! His master plan, deviously woven, was all coming to a toe-curling climax. Move over Janus, there's a new Lord of the Lies in town. And his name? Remus de Bergerac. No, wait. Berger-cock. 

"Ah, Remus?" Janus gave a restrained little wave that the untrained observer might have mistaken for polite. 

"Oh, don't mind me!" said Remus, laying it on thick. Like, 'artificially-flavored maple syrup that's been congealing on the back table at IHOP for 6 years' thick. Sticky, too. "Pay no attention to the rat behind the curtain." Raising his hands in surrender, he backed away, hit the coffee table, did a fantastic Gene-Wilder-as-Willy-Wonka-style pratfall that went unappreciated, and finally left the room. He stayed close enough to eavesdrop, of course.

"That was…" Janus hesitated, base instinct to lie getting tangled up with his inability to choose a word to describe Remus' unusual behavior. "Well."

"Yeah." Janus and Patton met eyes, each of them blushing and breathless and starry-eyed. In the hall, Remus stuck out his tongue and gagged. Patton gave a shy smile. "Hey, Janus."

"Hey," said Janus, smelling strawberries. Then he remembered himself. "By all means, let's just stand here and stare at each other."

He motioned at the couch, but Patton shook his head. "This is okay. I just, um. I wanted to apologize for how long it took me to get back to you."

"That's alright," Janus said slowly, feeling the first subtle pinch of wrongness, that he might be missing something.

"I guess I was just panicking, because it was something I didn't even know I wanted until I had it. And I wanted to do something equally as special for you."

"Uh... huh…" said Janus, Lord of the Lies, Subterfuge Specialist, Master of Mendacity, Captain of— Well, you get it.

"So," said Patton, holding up the envelope and taking a deep breath, "I wrote you this:

Self-Care is yellow

Morality is blue

Poetry is hard

But I like you, too."

Around the corner, Remus stamped his foot. He'd really put way too much effort into this little scheme, hadn't he?

Janus blinked, excavating bits of the truth from the situation. The emerging fossil was starting to look distinctly Remus-shaped, but it was no good to jump to conclusions quite yet. "You like me?" he repeated. His lips tingled.

"I'm sorry I couldn't put it as well as you did." Patton looked down at his feet, blushing like an anime schoolgirl. "But all that stuff you said… I want to be yours, too. And I want you to be mine."

"This is a love confession," Janus said out loud. He'd been caught on the back foot before, but never quite like this. Unsure of what else to do, he borrowed a trick from Roxy Hart and swooned.

"Whoa!" said Patton, catching him in the least-romantic way possible, which is to say he grabbed Janus under the armpits and set him back on his feet like a toddler.

Annoyed, Janus grabbed him by the collar and kissed him. Patton was wearing strawberry lip balm, and a surge of vindication made Janus' heart hammer in his chest. The third-act twist could wait; everything could wait. Reality gave a thrilling shudder and turn as Patton bent at the waist and picked Janus up under the knees. Janus wrapped his arms around Patton's shoulders to keep from toppling backwards but broke the kiss, instead touching their foreheads together. And face-to-face, chest-to-chest, Patton felt the rabbit-fast pounding of Janus' heart.

In the hall, Remus punched the air. 

"I have to tell you something," Janus murmured, unable to keep from imagining his gloves away so he could run his fingers through Patton's hair.

"Oh, yeah?" Patton's grin was distinctly boyish, so unlike the fathering persona he wore around his shoulders like his cardigan.

"No— Really, I have to tell you something. But. I need you to know that this isn't going away."

"This?"

"Us."

"Why would we?" Patton asked, tilting his head. "Is it bad news?"

"I'm afraid you'll have to decide that for yourself." Janus wiggled out of Patton's grip and snapped twice. "Remus!"

Remus slunk in like a guilty dog, pouting up at Janus and Patton and flinching like they might hit him. "Yyyeeees, Janus?" he said in a whine.

"Is there something you'd like to tell us?"

Remus dropped the act. "You know it!" He sauntered over to Patton, displacing Janus, and leaned hard on Patton's shoulder. "Janny-Bananny is really in love with you, y'know. He's been pining like a tree ever since you stood up for him way back when."

"That's totally what I meant," Janus huffed, crossing his arms over his chest and drawing into himself. 

"But…" Patton looked at Remus, then at Janus. "I know. You told me so in that poem."

"Oh, that!" Remus smacked his forehead so hard his head snapped back, feigning forgetfulness. "I wrote that."

"You wrote that?"

"He wrote that," Janus confirmed. "Without my knowledge or permission, I might add."

"But…" Horror dawned on Patton's face. "So I just…"

"Well for Christian's sake, it wasn't like he was going to tell you," Remus snapped.

"Christian?" Janus' eyes widened almost imperceptibly. "Oh my God, Remus, you do know that Christian and Cyrano both die, don't you?"

"Really?" Remus shrugged and bounced on his toes. "Maybe I should actually read Cyrano de Bergerac."

"Oh!" said Patton suddenly, reaching behind Remus so he could hold Janus' hand. "This isn't going away."

"No," said Janus with a sigh of relief. "Yes. Whatever."

"I get it." Patton beamed and then, dropping Janus' hand, wrapped both arms around Remus and bear-hugged him so hard his feet left the floor. "Thank you, Remus."

"Oh my God," said Remus, wriggling fruitlessly like a worm freshly removed from an apple (get it?). "Approval. Ew, ew, ew, get it off, get it off! It burns!"

Patton winked at Janus over Remus' shoulder. Janus smiled back and joined the hug, squeezing Remus from behind. "Yes, thank you, Remus. We owe everything to you." Ignoring Remus' protests, he stood on his toes and kissed Patton again.

Revenge was sweet, but Patton's strawberry lip balm was much, much sweeter. 

[8lah8lah]

made an oc and realized shes just 0rochimaru and gog-ag0g merged leaning towards gog-ag0g but with slime/creepy and wetness instead of worms. oh well play the cards im given

[cornflowercanine]

a8solutely inconsola8le thinking of platonic rel8ionships and love and dynamics and aouuuuuuugh

[walking-fnaf-encyclopedia]

ok anything for u hearts :3

chica and freddy* in Literally Any Game but especially security breach theyve stuck together through everything and they wouldnt be able to keep going w/o the other. theyre soulmates in a gay not romantic but not platonic way do u feel me. freddys been there the whole time and chicas a damn close second with her only disappearance being SL and she still existed then she was elsewhere. i think if they couldve theydve written sappy letters to each other about how much they miss the others presence. whenever they were both hired for a party they were so excitedto see it on their schedules. plus mother hen and papa bear <3 i like the idea that their code is reused every single time** and all the animatronics are basically same software new hardware (so toy/glamrock/funtime/etc are all just, theyre the same guys. dont ask how that works it just does).

*theyre t4t. btw.

**ft freddy is a weird case but im a firm believer in SL being a weird state for everyone there including him. hes a little insane cause hes been kept from his boo dw hell be back to normal soon. it killed chica to know he was like that. or maybe she didnt maybe she thought he was decommissioned maybe maybe maybe

okay next spring fronnie? absolutely. theyre t4t nb4ftm. they were all the other had for a very long time!!!! are they brothers? are they best friends? are they dating? does it matter? theyre best friends they would kill and/or die for each other in a heartbeat. they will rot together for eternity after theyre discontinued. who cares what happens to them as long as theyre together. they love each other.

okay this one i go back and forth on a LOT bc i like them being best friends but my line between best friends and qpp is veryy blurry personally but evan and gregory. hear me out. theyre best friends and theyre brothers and they know each other they know what scares the other and what will make them laugh they can push any of the others buttons and they trust each other with everything and anything. gregory can and will kill for evan and evan would bail him out of jail in a heartbeat (and chew him out, but still). they dont really consider themselves dating (sounds romantic) but they might just crash if they were separated. they call every day when theyre younger if one has trouble sleeping or a nightmare or when they just want to talk. and they live together when they get older and they love each other but theyre not in love like that but it doesnt really matter they dont need to define things like that they just know. you know. it doesnt matter to them if its romantic or platonic it doesnt matter what other people call it they just Are.

i rarely ever ship anything ever but sometimes i see two characters and get the overwhelming urge to make them qpps

[fledglingofthestars]

reminder that u dont have to view your cg as a parental figure, or have ur cg be a romantic partner to be valid!

i feel like the agere community has romanticized caregivers alot to where theyre solely viewed as romantic partners when its more than that! your caregiver can be a family member a friend, a parent, a qpp, etc! there is no one way to experience regression

you dont even need a caregiver to be a valid regressor, you can be 100% okay w regressing alone n thats fine! the obsession w finding a cg/romantic partner in a community stemmed from a coping mechanism is a lil strange ngl

sorry 4 the rant, but i just think alot of ppl should know this!