#they're diff from the one I use but you might find them useful :)

[gotchibam]

Hi Gotchibam!

Your art is sooo cute! May I ask what software and brush you use? I love how soft and cozy your pieces look.

Hello anon!! Thank you for the kind words!! ;w;

I use Clip Studio Paint and the brush "JB Dry Zaghi" from the Joyful Bristle pack of DAUB brushes! (it's a paid brush set tho)

[leahrintarou]

✩₊˚.⋆ THREE MINUTES ! - rindou haitani / 10.08 / kinktober

CW: public "sex", fingering, teasing, they're best friends, female anatomy, she/her used, one-sided pleasure, that's all lol

Word Count: 1.7k

Author's Note: welcome to the fifth post of my kinktober series! i hope you enjoy. leave a like or reblog to show support. (updates this week might be off or posted on a diff day since i'll be traveling somewhere with family. if not posted on the designated day, it will be posted eventually when i get back home.)

it took a lot of pleading, a lot of pouting, and quite a bit of persuasion for y/n to finally get rindou to agree to see a horror movie with her. he’d been reluctant, as always, keeping his usual stoic expression as she begged, a faint sigh escaping him after she tugged at his sleeve one too many times.

“alright, fine,” he finally said, rolling his eyes with a small, barely-there smile. “but you’re paying for the popcorn.”

y/n’s face lit up instantly, and she practically bounced in excitement. “deal! you won’t regret it, i promise!”

now, sitting side by side in the dim theater, rindou was starting to question his decision. as soon as the movie began, he leaned back in his seat, trying to relax as the ominous music set the tone. y/n was fully immersed, her eyes wide as she clutched his arm during each jump scare, gasping and gripping his hand tighter with every loud noise and flickering shadow on the screen.

rindou, on the other hand, sat unbothered, his expression unfazed by the attempts to frighten him. he shot her a sidelong glance, noting the way she reacted to the tension, a small, amused smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. she was so easily scared, and he found it endearing, though he’d never say so.

about halfway through, he noticed something different. y/n’s grip had loosened, and her eyes, while still on the screen, had a faraway look in them. she seemed to be shifting in her seat, her legs rubbing together subtly, her face flushed in a way that had nothing to do with the horror unfolding onscreen.

rindou quirked an eyebrow, leaning over to whisper, “something more interesting than the movie going on?”

y/n’s head snapped toward him, caught off guard, and she felt a deep wave of embarrassment. “what? no, i was just... i’m watching, i swear.”

he gave her a knowing look, one that made her squirm under his gaze. “right. because from where i’m sitting, it looks like you’re a little too distracted to be paying attention to what’s going on,” he murmured, his voice low, a faint smirk ghosting across his face. “did you really just waste our money on tickets just to get yourself all worked up over nothing?”

she huffed, crossing her arms in defense. “it’s not my fault! the movie got kind of... you know, intense, and you’re here, and...” her voice trailed off, and she glanced away, clearly embarrassed.

rindou chuckled softly, his usual calm demeanor breaking just enough for her to catch it. “oh, i see. so, you dragged me out here, begged me to watch this horror movie, and now you’re not even paying attention. that’s what i’m hearing.”

y/n pouted, tugging on his arm. “rindou, come on. i can’t help it...”

he leaned closer, his face only inches from hers, his voice a whisper that sent a shiver down her spine. “can’t help it, huh?” he murmured, his tone teasing. “guess i’ll have to find a way to keep you entertained, since the movie isn’t cutting it.”

her eyes widened as he settled back in his seat, his hand casually resting on her thigh, his thumb tracing lazy circles over her skin. she shot him a look, torn between shock and excitement, but he just kept that same indifferent expression, his gaze focused forward as if nothing unusual was happening.

“rindou,” she whispered, her voice barely audible over the movie’s background noise. “people are around...”

he raised an eyebrow, not bothering to look at her, his thumb continuing its slow, deliberate movement. “you’re the one who couldn’t keep it together,” he said with a smirk. “don’t blame me for distracting you when you’re the one getting ideas.”

y/n’s heart raced, the weight of their friendship hanging heavy in the silence between them. she knew they were toeing a line, crossing into something unspoken and uncertain, yet she didn’t pull away. instead, she found herself leaning into his touch, the thrill of it mixing with a quiet fear that they couldn’t just come back from this.

she looked up at him, a small, hesitant smile tugging at her lips. “you know we probably shouldn’t...”

“probably,” he murmured, his voice steady, but his hand never moved. he glanced down at her, his usual calm exterior cracking just enough for her to see something else behind it—a question, a hesitation that matched her own. “but we’re already here, aren’t we?”

they held each other’s gaze, neither of them willing to break the moment, knowing they were treading dangerous ground. but in the dim glow of the theater, with his hand on her thigh and her fingers inching toward his, it felt like a risk they were both willing to take, consequences be damned.

"if you don’t want this, tell me now."

y/n remained quiet and rindou glanced at her, seeing that her gaze was already on him. she reached for his hand, her impatience making her guide him up her thigh a bit more. rindou's eyes widened immediately when we wasn't met with any sort of fabric at all, but the immediate warmth of her sex.

"what the hell, n/n?" he questioned, not moving his hand, but the flustered expression on his face said enough. a shiver coursed through her body as he pressed his digits against her. "please don't question it." she sighed trying to keep her voice low.

"was this your plan this whole time?" he asked and she let out an embarassed groan and rindou felt some pity at that. they'd been bestfriend's since forever and despite his attitude, rindou would drop anything in a second if y/n ever asked. she always came first in every situation, and she knew that. "so you didn't wanna watch this movie afterall?"

she looked at him, nodding her head. "i did, but..." she trailed off. "but you're too focused on this, huh?" just then, his fingers used her slick to slip his middle digit into her sex. she bit down on her inner cheek and her legs tightened around his hand. "what got you all worked up?"

y/n remained silent, avoiding the question. this piqued rindou's interest, making him slide his digits in deeper. y/n let out a shaky breath, trying to not bring attention to themselves, but the more rindou pleasured her, the more she squirmed in her seat. "are you dodging the question, y/n? if you are, I'll stop."

"no, no. don't stop." she pled, looking at rindou with glazed eyes. "then tell me. i have a feeling i know what it is." he shifted himself in his seat. trying to ignore his current situation as well. he thanked the dark lightning in the theater that caused her to not see his growing erection. "i was just wondering how you would feel inside me." she managed to get out.

"it's not very nice to have those kinds of thoughts about your bestfriend, y/n."

"can't help-" she was cut off when his in and out motions quickened. y/n lifted her lips to lean back a bit to slouch in the seat. this newfound position allowed rindou to reach deeper, caressing that sensetive spot that would drive her insane. "you're not being as discreet as you probably should, n/n." a smile appeard on his lips.

"so hurry up." she managed to glare at him and rindou rolled his eyes, focusing back on the movie in front of them. his fingers held no mercy on y/n despite the occasional whimpers that she would try to hide in her palm, the fidgeting of her legs closing around him, and the way her hand gripped his wrist with all the strength in her body. "quicker you come, the quicker you can be quiet." he muttered, tone sounding unbothered.

"i couldn’t care less if anyone figured out what we were doing, but that's all you're worried about, huh, y/n?" he taunted. "too focused on them to come?"

he reached over to y/n, using his freehand to turn her head to him. "you have three minutes. if you can't come before then, I'm stopping."

"what the fuck, rindou?" she shot him a harsh glare and a smile barely made it way to his lips but it was filled with anything but purity. he was the biggest tease ever and y/n knew this but hated that fact that she put it past him especially in situations like these. "come on, n/n. your time is wasting."

he sped his fingers up and y/n held his wrist steady before she grinded down onto his digits. he caressed that pleasure-filled spot once again and she shut her eyes, trying to turn off the rest of her senses.

she heard rindou speaking, but it all sounded muffled to her. if she listened to him, it'll feel all too real and that would throw her in for a loop all over again. his digits felt just right and she thought that if she focused on them enough, she could reach her high in no time.

that was proven to be true when she noticed that he sped up his motions even more, helping her as she continued to ride them, not caring about the other eyes around her. "rindou." she muttered through a whisper. she heard him hum, but she couldn't trust herself to speak at the moment.

instead, she tightly held onto his wrist as she balanced on that familiar edge of pure bliss. "come, n/n." that was all ot took for her to tip over. she tightened her already shut eyes, hoping that she wasn't being too loud. her sounds of pleasure came out as a moan, but it was muffled by a hand that wasn't her own. she felt the cool touch of metal agaisnt her lip and she realized it was from a ring that rindou always wore on his right hand.

"two minutes?" he smiled, watching as she carefully opened her eyes, her chest heaving with a fast pace. "i'm never doing this with you again." she muttered, looking around for a gaze that met her own.

"of course not. that would be crossing the line, right?"

y/n didn’t miss the pure sarcasm in his tone and she hated how she only clenched around his fingers once more so no matter what she would say next, he knew what she felt deep down.

♤ likes, comments, and reblogs are appreciated!

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[sincerely-sofie]

🥀

Just curious on how it was while writing your story (since it reached such a character limit lol)

And I was wondering if you had any advice for those who wish to write a story like this? (Not the exact same, just how to write characters interacting lol)

(Referencing this ask game)

🥀 An answer to a question:

It's been difficult— this year's NaNoWriMo didn't go even half as smoothly as last year! Midway through November, I decided to give up on reaching 50k words for the sake of my health. Things shook out in a way that I could take up the challenge again, but by then I had fallen behind on my target word count, and getting back on track was no small task to accomplish. But I've kept at it, and even though I don't like the way this draft is going as I write it, I don't need to. Rough drafts exist to be edited, not to be published! :>

My top pieces of advice when it comes to writing character interacting are to find a way to know how they think, know what they want (and sometimes what they're afraid of) in a given scene, and to give them more depth than the story you're writing explicitly requires.

To write character interactions well, it's important to know how your characters think as well as how they feel. Being aware of what makes them tick is something vital to making them feel like actual people as you write them interacting with others.

In Better the Wool, Narinder is extremely haughty and proud— it's a trait that he's always had, but sank into much deeper after his imprisonment, and defines a lot of his interactions. He looks for ways to boost his ego and will readily belittle others to do that. If you hurt his pride, he'll lash out in response. He always has to get the last word in an argument. He doesn't accept criticism well at all. Egotistical behavior is his bread and butter, and it's largely rooted in shame. He has to act like nothing is his fault, or if it is then it was justified, because it's how he distances himself from his problems. Knowing that makes writing him both in and out of scenes with other characters much easier, and also allows me to recognize that a scene where he strays from his stubborn pride and is undignified and vulnerable will need to have a significant reason for him to behave atypically.

The Lamb, where Narinder is defined by his pride, is defined by her need for control. She is desperate to maintain the peace and unity amongst her followers, and perceives any bump in the status quo as reflecting poorly on her own worthiness as a person. Her need to control people is rooted in a need to keep people around her, as well as herself, safe. She might delegate tasks to others on occasion, but it's a struggle that she only survives out of necessity. Her giving up control of a situation, or even worse, passing it off to someone else entirely, is a choice she would not make lightly, and that's something I keep in mind during every interaction I write for her.

On the subject of knowing what the characters want, knowing what they need in contrast is a great help when writing interactions. Even if Narinder doesn't accept that what he needs is to set his pride down and make amends instead of getting back the Red Crown like he wants, it's always going to be needling away at him in the back of his mind during every interaction he has. This is a method of character development I learned from K. M. Weiland's blog, Helping Writers Become Authors. If you want to learn more about writing a Want vs. a Need, I recommend checking her stuff out!

As for giving characters more depth than your project requires, I like applying this strategy to my OCs the most, but it's relevant in fanfiction as well. I like to think up all sorts of trivia for characters— their favorite food and why they enjoy it (one OC of mine likes brownies with a pretzel crust, but hates brownies without it, because he grew up on his dad's recipe using pretzels and thinks that plain brownies taste bland without it), their thoughts on different concepts like family being the most important thing in one's life (another OC is fundamentally baffled by this idea because her society doesn't have nuclear families and the children in it are raised communally, so it's like asking her if the city she grew up in is the most important thing in her life), etcetera, etcetera. It's a way to get into the characters' heads more and have fun while enriching your understanding of how they perceive and interact with the world around them.

[uvobreakmylegs]

So sorry you aren’t feeling well! Here are some of my own thoughts about diff Yandere taking care of a sick lil darling…I hope you feel better! I’m so sorry if this violates any rules <3

Feitan is the worst, just, not really getting it and why you need anything except a blanket or oatmeal…He thinks it’s cute but he stays away even more because he thinks you’ll start screaming or something if he makes you angry

Paku obviously treats you like royalty, Obviously wants to give you even MORE that normal. She thinks you’ll die if you move a muscle for anything that isn’t the bathroom or to stretch

Chrollo isn’t…terrible..per se, He’s still annoying but he will let you have whatever you need! As much as he loves irritating his darling he still has some semblance of care so he hops to it and gets you some basic stuff, he may let you get pretty much anything as long as you say it nicely

Uvo might not believe you at first, He thinks it’s a plot to get away from him for a moment since he can get clingy but once you start crying or throwing up or even having trouble doing things he’s immediately sitting you down on the couch near the tv with as many blankets as he can find. He might almost behead you throwing a carton of ice cream at you

Shalnark has been watching you since the moment you woke up, he knows you’re sick, he will have the stuff ready when he gets back later that day with no explanation. It’s creepy but appreciate the effort of him Atleast getting you some of those pastries from grocery stores! He could be worse :)

I really do hope you feel better, Periods are the worst! Being sick on top of that doesn’t sound very fun to say the least. Drink lots of water!

Aahhhhh thank you! I'm doing a lot better! And this doesn't violate any rules at all! I really appreciate that you sent this in❤️

Throwing in the other PT yanderes for fun since you inspired me:

Machi is at the ready with various medicines if you should need them, and she'll check in on you frequently and sit with you if that's what you want. Her only downside is that her bedside manner is a little rough around the edges

You're in pretty good hands with Phinks. He might hover a bit too much, but he's a good cook and he'll know what foods to give you that won't upset your stomach

Franklin and Bonolenov aren't terrible, but if your illness is bad enough they'd probably call up one of the troupe (Machi) to ask for advice. Franklin is ordering out foods that are safe for you to eat since he can't cook for shit and doesn't want to make your illness worse

Shizuku is good at taking care of you, but if your illness is one that's contagious, she ends up sick just as you get better on account of how often she cuddled with you during the time you were bedridden

As for Nobunaga and Hisoka...... Don't get sick around either of them. They're bad at taking care of other people and things will get worse before they get better

Bonus yanderes:

Razor and Morel have similar methods of keeping an eye on you when you're sick by way of leaving one of their nen beasts behind with you. Razor has Number Zero stay with you and Morel uses Deep Purple to form a soldier to look over you. In both situations it's good for you since you have help if you need it and if anything goes really wrong, both Razor and Morel will know immediately and can get back to you as soon as possible

(thank you again for your nice message!❤️❤️❤️)

[horizon-verizon]

Why are some people just so unwilling to admit that hotd's writing is BAD. Why do they jump through hoops trying to explain and "analyze" anything the writers make the characters do when at this point it should be impossible to ignore that the writers make the characters so whatever the hell they feel like? It's honestly frustrating because there are some people out there with some genuinely good analysis skills and knowledge about the patriarchy and "time period" but when they refuse to acknowledge bad writing at this level you see how hard they work to strrrrreeeettttch. Which would be one thing but they also tend to insist that they're more enlightened than the people pointing out the issues

I think it's bc people, generally, are not familiar, willing to become so, or deeply in tune with misogyny as it happens when it comes to framing an argument that eventually leads to a sexist or slanderous effect. The most recent example is Daemon (I am not saying we're being sexist against Daemon!) at Harrenhal with Alys. Because a lot of people hate Daemon and attribute lots of their biases against Targaryens more against him than Aemond or Aegon AND how they generalize medieval men into the same degree and persona of "sexist medieval man", they aren't very willing to think about how disengenuously Daemon AND Alys might be written. And they think that bc they understand misogyny as well as Daemon's simpleness of being a sexist, they think the writers' direction of him realizing he really isn't the shit is "complex". A modern regression of a sentimental Victorian play posing as a "deep" drama series. It may even manifest as them feeling that bc people think Daemon is less "evil" than they want to believe him to be, less intrinsically bad for Rhaenyra (themselves bc a lot self insert) both personally and politically, that the show is "making it obvious" that he is evil just for them and for the good of the "toxic ship loving" masses. And bc it is very true that some people will misapply discrimination where there is none and it's just criticism of a person with a marginalized identity (Hyuna of KPop and some people claiming it's sexist to hate her they way a lot of the world does right now), so people become even more defensive of keeping what they immediately perceived as simple misogyny finally getting its ass kicked.

Second, bc they underestimate Daenerys and magic (thus not know the diff b/t greenseeing, warging, Valyrian dragon bonds and blood magic, etc. or at least acknowledge they don't know shit) bc near-magicless Game of Thrones lulled them into an ignorant state where it's a lot easier to chalk up to the smoky, borderless force that is "magic". Daemon is dreaming? Alys is doing magic, she's a greenseer...meanwhile, they can't define or explain the limits and abilities of an actual greenseer when asked. And the lazy habit of attributing everything not properly explained or really explored in the show also goes for Helaena and her non-"dragon dreams". You don't know? Which itself comes from people used to coming up with unsubstantiated headcanons and theories to explain the plotholes the writers leave so they can excuse themselves continuing to enjoy the current show.

Third, they overestimate how GRRM creates and sets up that mystery vs this mystery. There are mysteries that are unlikely to ever be "solved", like what exactly is going on in the 4th continent--Ulthos-- of the world and knowledge of all the living creatures of Sothoryos. And then there are mysteries like the wyverns vs dragons and the blood magic of Valyrians that were made that will eventually be revealed bc it will give us specific clues as to explain how Dany is bonded w/her dragons. And people tend to lazily attribute any mystery like these as unworthy of speculation (thus they never find out any possible connections and weight them against each other for likelihood of truth); and all mysteries feel like they are the exact same kind.

Fourth, they are feening for a live representation--any live thing--for any ASoIaF story. So they underestimate the story GRRM is telling about the Dance and hot it relates to Daenerys like all the F&B stories inevitably do.

Fifth, there are "enough" genuinely well written scenes that "makes up" or misleads them into not really thinking about the implications.

Sixth, I think that people like the whole Gothic romance thing show!Rhaenyra and Daemon seem to be on...but the book likely wasn't like that, least not after they married. And they can't conceptualize that with all the incest and Daemon being so willing to have a moral value system that rests entirely on his family's existence and legacy and Rhaenyra being very proud of her standing, so they want to stick to the seemingly counter-Gothic writing. It's more digestable, people don't like gothic/gothic-inspired stories, therefore it's more "believable" that way.

Seventh, as this TikToker states, HotD loves to create character from parallel that is actually replicas rather than character from personal action. The constant contrasting and making characters when (most) of them [Helaena-Rhaena; Aegon-Jace; Rhaenyra-Alicent, but specifically that part of epi 5 where they faced men around them shutting them down] don't make sense as parallels-actually-replicas and already had foils set up in F&B. foils are different from what these writers are doing. These writers are making it such that, for example, Daemon is a negative presence in the Riverlands as well as incompetent; Aemond is also a second son and will seemingly do anything to get it, so that must mean that Daemon must have lingering feelings about the same and has the same desires....No, Daemon raised at least 2 armies for people when he didn't have to or when he easily could have used them himself and he mustered many Riverland houses without any real incidents--only the Tullys and Brackens were issues and they were taken care of. Aemond? He is the one who caused--and DIRECTLY!--many noble and peasant families' deaths when he chose to fire on them all after losing KL in Daemon's trick. Rhaena may have been something like the "odd one out" for not having a dragon, but she was hardly as on the fringes of her own family as show!Helaena was and likely kinda was in the orig story. She was actually very much an "It" girl and inherited her confidence from both Daemon and Rhaenyra, but used it in a different way from Baela. Specifically in a way that is perceived as inaccessible to men. Baela was fiery and a bit tempermental (so was Rhaena but she "reigned it in" better), down to fight, able to climb walls, not afraid of dragonfight, which are all attributed more to masculinity under a Western/Westerosi gender paradigm. Whereas Rhaena's schmoozing with lords and ladies while looking cute, Rhaenys the Conqueror-style, is seen as more "feminine" and undesirable, yet it can't be understated how her doing all this enabled her to keep important connections in the Vale and utilize Arryn/Corbray support for her brother later on so her and her family could continue to have some sort of backup against the rising Peakes. So either people never realized this, OR they saw this and resented how this brought more power in such a "unmasculine" way, a way men are not expected or cannot access or use for themselves, that they pretend/convince themselves it's not important. Which helps them to convince others totally ignorant has no value, and the writers, I fell, do not understand Rhaena's purpose at the Vale OR they have no plans to show how she and Baela work towards their family's survival and freedom away from the Hightowers 2.0. Meanwhile, book!Helaena is essentially a breeding machine for her side of the family who kills herself from her kid getting killed and being forced to essentially participate in destroying her own tiny nucleus of a family.

That bring me to the eighth thing. The bk!greens are pretty simple in terms of characterization. Now, I actually love what they did with Aegon for the most part. Have some gripes with Aemond's and many with Helaena and esp with Alicent and love Otto's. But because people have this idea of parallels the same way they thought of constant subverting in GoT, some believe that bc the greens have had rounder characters, the blacks must also...as if it were automatic without them actually thinking of how the show has actually shown that.

Ninth, people are very used to stories that do a lot of telling and not enough of showing, and underestimate how important and different that looks in high fantasy adult fiction vs virtually everything else.

Tenth, people love a female protagonist who is very simply bad vs good imbued with liberal anti-violent-no-matter-what sentiment (that was meant to protect the 1%ers interests), like Rhaenys-Hilary-Clinton, and they don't link anti-militance to privilege specifically in a modern, neoliberal capitalist world. Instead misapplying such a thing to feudal women. Even as they also like to say that Alicent and Rhaenys are like "ordinary" medieval noble women in terms of their internalized misogyny...which doesn't match their definition of "wise" and is both contradictory & reductive bc:

real medieval noblewomen frequently waged/plotted/initiated war and when they did peace calls it was either bc they didn't think they'd win/get out with the right sort of lives intact OR bc they were, they just aren't very much featured as fighters or political strategizers themselves unless it's in the name of a son, husband, etc., and then this works to make people ignore that these women directly participate at all----so Rhaenys and Alicent can't be nonnegotiably wary of violence while also being a "typical" medieval noblewoman

Alicent & Rhaenys frequently show how much they really care about smallfolk/vulnerable people like women, or keep them in their thoughts when they talk about "peace"....it's all ideological, not substantial, but it's played-framed as if they are being for real; the same tool of leveraging stability of male dominance that Gyldayn uses against BOTH Alicent and Rhaenyra, the show Alicent and Rhaenys but Rhaenys esp, uses against Rhaenyra as to why she should rule or have support while trying for her claim, and it's really just so false!

It's so weird, bc they say the nobles this, this, and that shouldn't be killing each other and in lieu the helpless smallfolk, but they refuse to recognize how both women still rely on violence against those ranked below them for their own ends, whether psychological or physical. And it really comes down to who is licensed to dole out and use violence and when and against who, which always turns out to be the nonconforming "instigator" of this particular ASoIaF story, Rhaenyra. And that esp comes from this bias against Targs and the belief that they somehow bring out the worst in nobles, when its actually that nobles fight for land, power, survival all the time and have since before the Targs. And there is this strange moral-victim heroine complex that people want to see in their female protagonist and mistake in as a meet replacement and worthy copy of Daenerys, the childbride/exiled princess turned self-made Queen and protector of the masses.

As for why they "insist that they're more enlightened than the people pointing out the issues", the first reason I pointed out.

[napofbluepring]

txt has always had a theme of "growing up" and the struggles that people face in the process but i think ever since the concept trailer dropped this has become more and more prevalent.

i think part of the reason why txt is so alluring to me is bc i'm the same age as them and they're putting out content that i can actively relate to and turn towards when i'm going through different struggles in life. as they demonstrate the process of growing up through their discography i'm growing up and entering adulthood with them. this isn't to say that those who are older or younger than the group won't be able to connect to their music; in fact i feel like one of the reasons why txt can be so appealing to such a wide audience is because everybody goes through the process of growing up, whether or not you relate to all the experiences, there is going to be something in their discography that's going to feel like it was meant for you.

and if it's not enough for their concept to be so blatantly revolving around the transition from childhood to adult life, their discography also features a wide variety of genres. i might be reaching but it kind of feels like this range is a musical depiction of somebody growing older and going through different phases in their life, trying to find who they are.

it's really cool to me that txt have explored so many diff genres of music while still being able to maintain their "flavour" and i've always been drawn to that, i love kpop groups that are able to explore diff genres and concepts while still still maintaining their "flavour" rather than feeling like a whole different entity every new concept. i feel like txt have been able to do that bc of their the overarching theme of growing up, something that likely won't go away as we're always growing and learning.

i was rewatching the skipping stones live clip and the song is so important to me because it reminds me that no matter what happens or what i go through, the ripples of hurt will calm down and i'll eventually be ready to face the next obstacle no matter what it is because i know i'll be get through it somehow.

in a way, i think that's why the concept trailer hit so hard. while i can see how the idea that "tomorrow" is always waiting no matter how long of a day it's been or the hardships we've had to endure, it feels like the txt is always saying that they're also waiting for us and hoping to provide comfort through their presence, their music, and their content.

while i know that authenticity and derived and there's no "true" form of authenticity when there's a camera especially in an industry as contrived as the idol industry, i still feel like txt is putting a piece of themselves into the works that they put out. even if there are curated aspects, there is still some sense of "authenticity" within their personalities and the work that they put out. obviously there are parts of their personalities and such that are played into more for the sake of entertainment but for me it feels like none of what txt does is truly empty, they really do seem genuine about their care of each other, the quality of what they put out and their appreciation for moa.

[firelightfoxes]

do you find mudi people to be gatekeepers? Before I started asking actual people I read up a lot on them on many diff breeders/ club websites and from all the info I found I thought they fit me well so I went on fb to ask… the amount of people I got telling me I do not want a mudi, that they are incredibly difficult dogs with XYZ bad traits and that I’m lying if I say I’m ok/ want that was insane. It honestly sounded like they hate their dogs?? I mentioned I wanted to dabble in sports but wouldn’t mind a dog who wouldn’t do them, and half of the comments were either jumping down my throat because ‘most mudis do not do well in sports and you shouldn’t get one solely for that’ and the other half were telling me to get serious because dabbling shows a lack of commitment and mudis need a job. I’m half thankful I’m not in the US and wouldn’t have to deal with that community if I end up with a mudi. Anyway, with all that, would you mind giving a rundown on mudis/ any resources(like sites) on their temperament? Sorry for the rant it’s just been very frustrating 😅.

hi!! this is a great ask. i'm really sorry you went through the gatekeeping bullshit, it seems to be pretty rampant. i actually made a small post on this a little while back but i'm too lazy to go find it.

so, i feel like that gatekeeping comes from one of two places, and sometimes both:

the person wants to feel really special about owning a rare breed, so they make it seem much more difficult than it really is to scare away potential new owners and keep the breed as unpopular as possible so that they can continue to be Special

the person wanted a unique sports dog that wasn't a border collie but didn't realize that not all mudis will excel in sports or even be able to tolerate a sporting environment, and they legitimately regret getting a mudi (i literally saw someone say this almost word for word).

so you kind of have two overlapping schools of thought there, and the second one is a bit more valid than the first. so, i wouldn't really advertise mudi as like, a competitive sport prospect breed. they certainly CAN excel at sports, they are quick, intelligent, and very biddable. but they also dislike repetition and can be quite sensitive, which can make it hard to nail down important foundations and also it can be hard for them to stay stable in a trial environment. ideally, a mudi would not be this unstable, but unfortunately it does happen. so like i kinda understand where a person with #2's idea would be coming from but it still is unpleasant and gatekeepy. and it's also not the breed's fault if you got one for uniqueness without taking their entire temperament into account.

either way, if you're reading about mudis and you think they might be a good fit, that's awesome! i think my number one recommendation would be to meet them before getting one if possible. they truly are unique little guys and it's hard to describe that without having met one. i think they're the perfect dog to dabble in sports with because they're most happy when they're with their person, whatever you might be doing.

as far as places to learn more about the mudi, i really like this article, and i would recommend reaching out to some breeders! Wodan Kennels and Graves Farm are two great kennels run by people who love the breed and would be happy to help you learn more about them (regardless of if you want to get a puppy from them or not).

also, i saw your other ask and no worries :) i really liked how in-depth your ask was so i intentionally wanted to answer it bc gatekeeping almost kept ME out of the breed and look at me now!! it's important to be realistic but still welcoming and some people just don't get that.

thanks for the ask and sorry that it's an essay!!

[hamliet]

You did this is from the ask from the confused anon. This is what you said "Hence, it should not surprise anyone to think that Touya associates all of them with rejecting him. Shouto defended Enji on the battlefield, after all." Shouto never once defended Endeavour on the battlefield.

Shouto defended Enji on the battlefield? I must have missed that part, when did he defend him? because it felt like he didn't speak ill of him or good of him eitherway?

Diff asks, may/may not be the same person.

I meant physically, at its most literal! Not with words! Choosing to fight to protect his father, to Touya, looked like choosing a side. I don't think Shouto inherently did anything wrong there.

Also, to the first Anon, I'm not sure if English is your first language, but "associates" doesn't mean that said association is factually correct. I'm talking from his perspective. This thing someone does can be taken to mean something else to another person because of their baggage and own understandings of the world, which may in fact be skewed.

Reality is complex. Factually, there are things that have occurred. But the actual lived experience of said occurrence can vary based on each individual who experienced it. (There's a philosophy called epistemology that I used to teach and that you might find interesting!). Now, that doesn't mean each individual's experience is correct, factually speaking. But as much as facts don't care about your feelings, feelings also may not care about facts.

For example, let's say... Jenny is running home from work. She just found out her wife is in the hospital. Taylor stopped to answer a text on the sidewalk. Jenny pushes past Taylor and tells her to stop blocking the path. Did Jenny do something wrong? Do her circumstances mitigate her rudeness?

Now, what if Taylor was a troll trying to annoy people, but didn't realize that she could actually cause problems for someone who is already enduring a lot? Or, what if Taylor is someone who was beaten by their parents every day including with their parents pushing them around and telling them that they were in the way, and Jenny then causes a massive trigger to Taylor? Does that change more or less the rightness or wrongness of what she did, or what Taylor did?

I give this example to explain how perceptions and past experiences can influence how and what a factual event means to someone.

Empathy itself is not concerned with right or wrong, and I think that's a common misconception in the world today. Empathy is concerned with perception. If you love someone, you often want to meet them where they're at, which requires empathy. Even what should be obvious isn't necessarily obvious to someone else, and when someone is so blinded by pain and mental illness that they are acting irrationally, you cannot "rational" them back into reality. You have to meet them where they're at.

Of course no one is required to do this, but many people would choose to do this if they value the person and a relationship with that person over other things. Again, there's individual choice here, wherein there isn't a right or a wrong. I think it's clear the Todofam choose Touya over hammering out precise legal details of who did what when where and why.

[what-if-nct]

My friend i havent talked to in a while told me she got into kpop while we wernt talking (bc of life getting in the way. Ahhh the mid-20s...), and it's been a few months. She also likes NCT and Stray Kids! Her biases are Yangyang and Jeongin which is funny. Both menaces both maknaes both babied. Both bite. Both considered the fashionistas of the group (Jeongin has better style tho sorry YY).

Something that's always interesting to me is spotting patterns to see the type of people your friends like/date. Like how one of my friends keeps dating the same type of person or how different my taste is from my other friends'. It's interesting because it really does remind me of differences we all have as someone who's a homebody and rarely goes out. Also, interacting w people of diff sexualities, as someone who considers themself unlabeled (i think i might be a lesbian, but maybe I also like men?). It's fun and interesting! I usually don't have these types of conversations over text bc I'm a bad texter, I'm more of a talker/caller.

How about you btw? Do you like texting or calling more? :)

someone choosing Yangyang and Jeongin as their biases at the same time makes so much sense. They're really similar and I kinda wanna see they're dynamic do they mellow each other or make each other worse. I'm going with worse.

And it's really interesting to see the patterns of who your friends date and find attractive. Like my best friend kinda surprises me sometimes cause it's so varied this has been since middle school. A while ago she said I like pretty young guys and she likes old ugly guys to describe our different types. But she has a wonderful fiance now and I feel like I have two moms when I go out with them. my type has been pretty concrete except for some outliers when I was bored. But for the most part it's tall skinny guys with long hair some have had short hair. Or they're 5'5 and lower but still long hair. Seriously it's either 5'10 & up or 5'5 & below almost never any in-between. They're also more than likely anime nerds. they just all end up being anime nerds for some reason. Or stoners, whole lot of stoners. And I think it kinda bleeds into my biases cause Chan and Xiaojun are my shortest biases. Hendery and Yuta are in the middle and the rest are 5'10 and up and almost all of them have had long hair. I blame my childhood crush on Eric Matthews for that. Also blonde guys my love for blonde guys is honestly shameful. Dated too many. They've all been pretty sweet though.

And I'm okay at texting I don't mind it but I do prefer calling or talking cause I am such a talker it's easier for me to get my thoughts across. plus my train of thought changes so much that text can't keep up. A lot of times if I don't feel like texting I just send voice memos or use voice to text which I don't use often cause my speech pattern is very "So like and like but like I mean like you know right" Which in my world that is a complete sentence. But I love a good long phone call. If I could send voice memos on asks I would.

[cosmicoceans-fr]

Personal Lore Stuff

General Edition

First a disclaimer: A lot of my lore is just gonna be tweaking things about Flight Rising/Sornieth that I just don't like/vibe with, so if that'll bother you I advise not reading further.

Disclaimer part two: Some of the stuff mentioned here may already be canonical and I either A. haven't read about it yet (in which case feel free to shoot me the relevant readings ^^), B. I'm incorporating and expanding on it, or C. Incorporating and altering it.

Punctuation usage note:

Parenthesis () are used to signify a related but seperate thought to what they're grouped with.

Brackets [] are used as a form of authors note.

Now to begin: This is largely just going to be one chaotic info dump of all the stuff living in my head rn so I can come back and organise/edit it later but also so I can link it in my pinned cause I use verbiage that relates to my personal lore and figured this'd help anyone who might be confused.

Auction House is now:

Travel Listings

Name is a work in progress but the basic idea isn't.

The current system of dragons being put up for auction didn't really sit well with me [I understand it's function as the FR game itself goes don't at me please] so after some mulling it over I settled on Travel Listings!

The general idea is that dragons who are looking to relocate either to a new Clan within their own flight (flight AH) or just anywhere on Sorienth (Site-wide AH) can post the travel costs for them to do so with their stuff. When a Clan who's willing to sponsor the fees for the dragon posts them the dragon is then able to move in with the Clan!

This helps maintain the autonomy that dragons have as established in canon lore as well as giving the world a fun "new" mechanic [in my opinion at least]. In addition is use this as a basis for my pricings. If I consider the cost listed alongside each dragon as travel costs it let's me make some base costs guides based on things like breed, gene rarity, eye rarity, and in the event of a one-on-one arranged travel fees the cost for "luggage" (ie familiars, outfits, etc. which, btw, if you arrange for a dragons travel with me directly they'll almost always come with luggage).

The above is why I might seem to price travel fees a little weirdly and while I'm ok with the prices being a little funky I do want to be fair so if I unintentionally price something outrageously please let me know! ^^

Familiars

Familiars being listed as and treated as items within the game canon bugs me a bit as many of if not most/all of the familiars are canonically described as having sentience (sentience in this case meaning being living) them being treated as items isn't great for me.

Similar to Travel Listings I'll price/talk ahout/treat familiars with the same/similar verbiage. Familiars get travel fees as well albeit less involved than dragons might.

Familiars will also be treated as thinking beings who've choosen to come stay with our Clan for xyz reasons within lore contexts.

This leads me into my next bit:

The Coliseum

I'm not 100% posi on the canon lore surrounding Coli stuffs but the stuff I've developed whilest grinding in it as follows:

The Coliseum was started by [unestablished] as a way for dragons and beast clans to, hopefully, find some common ground.

Each coli arena/area is a neutral sparing ring/arena set up in each of the diff regions.

All who come to them agree to leave past issues/agressions/conceptions at home and have acknowledged that they are there to learn from eachother, as well as to have a good time. Each person who enters the Coli area agrees to do their part to ensure a friendly and (relatively) peaceful enviroment for all participants.

To be chosen to represent your Clan in the coli is considered a high honour by most involved and the importance of its neutrality is widely established/acknowledged. In the spirit of this many participants, dragon and beastclan alike, will bring gifts/offerings for their opponents [the coli drops]. Some participants might even find that they vibe/work really well with a clan/it's members and as such will choose to return with those dragons to their clans [familiar drops].

Due to the nature of the Coli its generally frowned upon for participants fo significantly higher levels to enter a match against participants of much lower levels [lack of exp gain], the exception to this are for teams who have come specifically to share their knowledge with those at lower levels [this parts honestly just so I can grind lower levels with my lvl 25s and not feel so bad about it 🤣].

Aaaaand that's about all I've got at the moment, there's other stuff that's dragon/breed line specific that'll be its own post(?).

[ninepentz]

Full moon in Cancer at 16°18 this friday.

For more full moon details and future transits, you can find those links at the end of this blog.

This full moon will be opposing the sun and mercury in capricorn, bringing to our attention, in my opinion that we need to relearn how we nurture, care for, show love, and the way we support others. Compliments on their looks and accomplishments is nice and all but it kinda is feeding into the culture of narcissm and sending the message that you're only valued by your looks, status, appearance, material things, our egotistical selves. From a young age, we've all been conditioned to believe this, people treat you better if you look your best or fit a specific beauty standard. That's why so many people today live to impress others and keep up appearances with surgery, cosmetics, filters in anyway to make themselves look better bc they feel like who they are aside from that isn't enough..

I feel like we need to rethink how much of our behaviors, praise for others, and admiration are based on superficial things. Constantly telling people they're beautiful, handsome, talented, it's appreciated ofc, but is that all they are to us at the end of the day? Does that help them become a better person, does that validate their entire self, does it do more harm than good?

We should try to be more constructive and maybe get to know people on a deeper level. Appreciate their authenticity, their humanness, who they are at their core.

And for us moms/parents out there this new moon in cancer is also shedding light on our home life, our children, our parenting styles. Remember to not bring our traumas, expectations, egos to be tied to our children in a negative way. Little by little provide building blocks for our young ones to develop into their own person with none of our baggage attached. Don't praise or prioritize only superficial things bc we know looking good these days is so important in the world, but try to challenge ourselves to look beyond that and be more impactful with our kids. Praise kindness, responsibility, being respectful, balance out the serious/stern side (capricorn) with our emotional/loving side. You don't have to be mean to teach your children a lesson, and you don't have to be too careful and sweet either. It's more important to teach your children how to survive in this crazy world, so try your best to focus on what's important.

Pallas is conjuncting the moon in the 1st house, house of self. So we all are becoming aware of our emotional nature, matters of the home/security, maybe how we parent/nurture ourselves. Take leadership to give yourself emotional fulfillment and create environments that make you want to thrive. Even if that means cutting out/placing boundaries against the people in our lives who are reminding us of our past unhealed selves, this is family members, old friends, people and places that we have now outgrown. It's time to take matters into your own hands and live for yourself, demand a good life. With the past few years we've all be struggling, experienced death after death of loved ones. We can't keep holding ourselves back from being our purest, bravest, comfiest, emotional, messy, and authentic selves...were only here for a limited time.

A lot of people... aka me🙄, are so far gone from who we were as a child, who had no limits, insecurities, self hate, inner judgment.

So it's just something to think about.

The moon, sun, mercury will also be squaring chiron in aries so it may flare up some insecurities and issues related to our identity and how we show up in our lives. Egos will be flared, we may be stubborn and impulsive, trying hard to control everything and hide away. Regardless of it all, our insecurities are bound to be seen, you might as well just say fuck it and put less pressure on being perfect or socially acceptable. What's more important then being perfect is just being a good person, being someone who makes others feel heard, respected, safe no matter how diff we are we have the same instinctual/emotional needs.

Ceres is in libra in the 4th house opposite chiron so to me that's how I see this all.

Check what time the moon starts in your timezone below 👇

To see Astrobutterfly's interpretation of this full moon and all of January's transits, check these links 🫶

Astrobutterfly is one of my favorite go-to astrologers for consistent transit updates, she gives really good interps, keeps it fun and easy to read.

Check what Cancer and Capricorn is aspecting in your chart/which house it's in, to know how you'll be affected by this full moon. Here's a link to calculate your transits for 2023, super useful!👇

✨️Nine of Pentacles✨️

[gotchibam]

if you don’t mind me asking, what’s that brush you’re using for the ko-fi requests? i love the texture

It's from a paid brush pack of the Daub brushes! The brush is called "JB Dry Zaghi" from the Joyful Bristle pack. :D

[excaive]

WOAA POST STORY ROGER? My beloved??? head over heels, woo’d, awed, staring fourth with INTENSITY !! i really like current roger but whatever post story roger has going on? yes yes yes yes !!!! KJ and Roger are two very distinct and VERY likeable characters and i love the dynamic you’ve cultivated with them !! Roger’s upgrade is especially on a new level!! i looove it! (the eyes on his cat socks too, god!!!)

You think I could bother you for some extra post-story Roger&KJ fun facts? I can’t get enough of them!

Sorry it took a hot minute to answer!

BUT YES!!! SHAKING UR HAND I love post-story Roger sm and I'm so glad you enjoy him and also KJ :] I've worked a lot on both of them, so I'm glad when people like em 💖

But yes post-story facts for Roger & KJ!

KJ is very passionate about skating and spends a lot of time being involved with making events and such at skateparks that are open to everyone to join from kids to adults with various experiences with skating. Just a fun time overall!

KJ is slowly teaching Roger to skate, but it's less about learning tricks and more just the two of them going on a skating trip around the city or parks. It's very cute, and for the most part, Roger has bad balance on the skateboard, so he can't do anything fancy but it is a great excuse to hold KJ's hand as they roll about :p

I'm not sure if I've mentioned this on here, but Roger is a wicked parkour boy. Don't let his bad balance on a skateboard fool you, he'll climb places with ease and find shortcuts you could only dream of. Roger's balance is actually real good, but not on moving objects. I can't explain properly but like Roger would have a way easier time learning how to walk a tightrope than he has learning how to turn on a skateboard.

If he ever figures out how to jump on a rail with a skateboard, he'd flawlessly grind along the rail, and then land ungraciously.

honestly i think roger would be way too powerful if he mastered the skateboard. he'd absolutely be skating on rooftops and do tricks that would kill a normal man if fucked up.

Both Roger & KJ enjoy being active. One thing they'll do sometimes race each other - KJ with their skateboard and Roger utilzing his parkour skills. They both know the layout of the region they live in pretty well, so it turns out to be a tight race to the finish line, even with the pros & cons they both face with the routes they take. Doesn't matter who wins, they're just having fun :3

Roger and KJ and Cass live in the same apartment!

Cass is studying tho and does have like a place close to the uni where she stays with a few other students, but she usually comes home in the weekends or whenever she's able.

It was a bit rocky at the start between KJ and Cass when they got to know each other, but they're real homies now and team up to be a menace to Roger (affectionately). They'll get Roger on board with silly ideas bc how can he not with his two besties <3 even if he'll realize it was not a wise idea - here's an example

Roger trust em both but KJ loves a little chaos <3 (and Roger literally won't fall bc Cass is stupid strong and KJ is way stronger than they look, so they'd only fall if Cass slips or trips on anything :p)

Out of the two, KJ is more inclined to use petnames for Roger. They'll go "where's my carrot??" "my dear/sweet/love/beloved!!! check out this rock i found, touch it it's so slimy, isn't it gross??" "aw don't worry babe!! not everyone can handle the truth that the right way to eat peanuts is with the shell on <3" etc. stuff like that

KJ is very physically affectionate and loves hugging or kissing Roger's face whenever. Sometimes if Roger is just talking about something, KJ might decide to just. Pick him up to hold. Despite being used to this Roger usually loses his train of thought because KJ is way stronger than you'd think and they can easily just pick him up 😳

Because of this, Roger will also purposefully fall asleep on the couch so KJ will scoop him up to tuck into bed <3

Generally for romantic gestures, KJ will take Roger different places for dates. Whether it be dining out, going to the cinema, skating, shopping etc. KJ loves going places with him and also just getting Roger things or taking him places he's been wanting to go to but haven't for whatever reasons.

Roger's gestures are more present at home. He'll cook/bake things KJ likes, do crafts to make something for them, and he's pretty verbal about how much he appreciates KJ and tells them whenever something reminded him of them.

He's also the one who primarily initiates more intimate moments because KJ hasn't been in love with anyone before Roger, so they tend to feel self-conscious about being a freak (or more specifically they are very new to being open and vulnerable with Roger and also their friends) so they worry they're too weird - even tho Roger has been crushing on them for like [checks notes] like 3-4 years before they eventually get together. He likes KJ because they're fucking weird and care about people a lot. If KJ's mouth tendrils or enjoyment of messy makeouts deterred Roger, he wouldn't constantly find opportunities to kiss them :p

I can easily go on but it'll take forever if I do, and you guys can always just ask more, I love talking about my ocs 💖

[kewltie]

contains: emotional/verbal abuse & intimate partner violence but not b/t bkdk

izuku left japan to find himself after the death of AM then he come back yrs later, happier and with a new boyfriend, who is completely attentive and devoted to him; he's so good to izuku... too good.

izuku introduces his bf: isao hiroto who is quirkless, working a teacher and is completely normal much to the surprise of everyone because they assume izuku would would to date someone in their hero work but izuku was simply looking for someone who pay attention & care for him. he wasn't looking for anyone special just someone who loves him as much as he loves them ya know? the fact to hiroto is quirkless is a plus because they can relate and understand each other better and hiroto is so kind and sweet to him. he never ask for more then what izuku can give him. so izuku cant be anymore happier then right now because he's quickly making his ways up the hero ranking, he's back home with his friends and family again, out there saving and helping ppl, and he got the world's most perfect bf who is so supportive and understanding of him.

they met when izuku was doing a talk about quirk discrimination at a hero training school in vietnam and hiroto was one of the teachers there. hiroto approached him about his lect on quirklessness and being isolated and mistreated in society and they connected from there. hiroto is also a huge fan of All Might and if he wasn't quirkless he would have followed in AM's steps, becoming a hero and maybe AM wouldn't have die then because he would have the power to save him... if only he had a quirk, if only he was AM's successor which was a red flag if an, but Izuku didn’t see it back then! he thought hiroto was one of AM's many fans like himself and his weird thing about quirk vs quirklessness was just someone who had to worked v v hard to get where he is because the world favors those in power and hiroto had suffered under it like izuku had. so yea izuku felt like they had a lot of in common and they could relate to each other because if izuku hadn't gain OFA, maybe he would have ended up like hiroto, working some place close (training heroes) but far from his dream. they bonded and izuku thought he met his true love.

it couldn't be any more perfect for izuku because this is the life he has always dream of, doing what he loves,surrounded by friends and family and a great and loving partner by his side but the more success izuku has in his career the more chinks in his fairy tale romance is reveal. it started out w small things: hiroto being annoyed when izuku come home late or when he has an emergency at work & cancel their plans, hiroto making lil digs about izuku's friends & colleagues because they're heroes they dont understand the plight of ordinary citizens like him.he e would put a friendly exterior for izuku's friends but criticize them behind their back. izuku felt like he was stuck b/t a rock and hard place because he understands where hiroto is coming from someone who used to be powerless but they're his friends & he KNOWS THEY'RE NOT BAD PPL. so izuku felt like he was balancing two diff lives the him who is out there saving lives and making a diff, a larger then life figure, and the him he was pretending to be an ordinary person with an ordinary bf but both felt neither like him and hiroto doesnt make it easier either.

when izuku missed too many date nights and was supposed to hang out with hiroto and his friends but had to bail midway because of emergency situation that needed him, they had a big blow out about it. izuku explains that they needed him out there so he couldn't leave them hanging.

hiroto spits back ,"I needed you too or am I not important enough for you because i would never bail out on you because of my job!"

izuku says, "that's not the same thing. innocent lives are at stake for me."

and that's when hiroto's eyes darken to something imperceptible. “oh, you're saying because you have a quirk you're so much better than me. what im doing is isn't as important as you!" he shouts, banging his hand on the table so hard it shake.

izuku flinches because even though he's used to seeing violence in work but in his own home is something else.it was just an outburst, hiroto doesn't mean it, izuku reasons, just like how he didn't mean to hurt hiroto with his words. it's a misunderstanding.

it happens all the time because right afterward hiroto looks regretful. "im sorry i shouldn't have yell. i promise i wont do it again." he hugs izuku and whispers platitudes and apologies into his ears until all the warning bells in izuku are silence and all izuku knows are the love and warmth in hiroto's arms because sometimes the ppl we love hurt us but they dont mean to, it was an accident. it's ok, THEY'RE OK.

the thing is it's not like hiroto doesnt know what it's like to date a hero or that izuku cares deeply about his work and about the ppl he help but hiroto twist it into something that izuku has to feel guilty like for not being able to be a hero properly and keep his bf happy. izuku feels so much guilt about it that he takes hiroto to AM's grave and revealed his secret to him about AM, how he didn't get his quirk late but he inherited his quirk from AM so he always feel like he got something to prove like he's carrying AM's legacy on his shoulder. that's why he cant devote so much time to being there for hiroto. he hopes his explanation would bridge the distance b/t them and come to an understanding why izuku is the way he is... but hiroto upon finding the truth that IZUKU was quikless like him BUT got lucky to be chosen.

the inferiority complex, that hiroto quietly tucked inside of him all this time, stirs because here is izuku who was born quirkless and dream of becoming like a hero like their idol all might but was lucky enough to be pick by AM and became one of the best heroes in the world. izuku is famous and much loved by the world, he gets to save ppl and ppl KNOW his name and how he is just because izuku was lucky... while hiroto had to work super hard just to get where he is and even then he couldn't ever become a hero because he wasn't LUCKY. HOW IS THAT FAIR??!!!!

zuku had hoped by revealing (some of) his secret, he would be able to connect with hiroto and have him understand him better, it would smooth out the wrinkles of their relationship except it make it 100% worst now because hiroto feels izuku doesn't deserve the life he is given. he loves izuku's kindness and empathy but he resents the status and privilege his quirk had given not even recognizing what kind of horror and trauma a kid like izuku had gotten into when he inherited AM's legacy on his small shoulders back then because hiroto is fucking narcissist.

so it begins: hiroto plays into izuku's guilt and weakness, making izuku feels like he's not a good lover, that he doesn't put any effort into their relationship, that hiroto is doing all the work and that hiroto loves him but izuku doesnt do enough. it's manipulative AF. the thing is izuku cant see the red flags when hiroto never hits him. he'll yell when he get angry but who doesn't yell when they're angry riiiiight?? and he'll slam the door or punch the wall but NEVER hit izuku so how can he abuse izuku when all he does is make izuku feels bad. he'll guilt trip izuku when izuku want to hang out with his friends and doesn't invite hiroto along even though hiroto make it very clear that he doesn't like izuku's hero-friends because he think they're looking down on him because he's a civilian and quirkless, inferior to them.

so izuku hang out with his friends less and less because he doesnt want to upset hiroto. hiroto takes care of the house, making him dinner, and does so much work for their relationship so why cant izuku CATER to him just this once? it's not like hiroto is asking too much. even when hiroto is angry, he does it because IZUKU MADE HIM DO it if only izuku didn't make him so upset look at how much izuku HURT HIM by not listening and obeying him... all these things fucked with izuku's head, have him believing that hiroto is trying so hard to make them work.

after every fight, hiroto is always extra kind and attentive to him. he would take him out on a date, buy him a new AM figurine, and watch the new hero flicks that izuku always wanted. "sorry, you know i love you. i really dont mean all those things i said." his apologies always sound so sincere... but it happens again and again. the tension build up b/t them, he get increasingly hostile then their bubble burst into shouts and broken vases and "this is all your fault, you did this " then the "im sorry, i love you, you know". its a cycle and izuku doesnt know how to get off of it because 90% of the time hirito treats him really well it's just when izuku doesnt do as he say, then he'll get pissed and izuku feels like he's walking on eggshells around him because he doesnt want to make hiroto unhappy.

It’s like when ochako invited him out to celebrate her making into the top 20 and hiroto doesnt want him to go even tho all his friends are there. izuku wants to see them badly but hiroto make it clear it's her or him. it's extremely tough but izuku chose his friend in that moment. he only went there to congratulate her and hang out for like 30mins then make an excuse to leave just because he didn't want to upset hiroto any further, saying goodbye to his LONGTIME FRIENDS who are all looking increasingly distressed by izuku's strange behavior lately. izuku goes so HARD to accommodate hiroto's feelings too but it's still it isn't enough because the moment he got home their bedroom is a mess and all his stuffs are outside because clearly izuku CHOSE his friends over their relationship; he doesn't care about hiroto at all.

izuku tries plead with him like he's the one in THE WRONG while hiroto is like, "you're always like this. you dont care about our relationship and don't put any effort into it so how can anyone love you? you're so lucky that i even care at all because who would ever put up with you?"

it dregs all izuku's fears & insecurities up because hiroto knows exactly where to twist his knife deeper because he believes no matter how much success izuku has he will always be that anxious, insecure and helpless boy before all might found him. he didn't have anything before ALL MIGHT. the thing is hiroto is WRONG v v v v wrong because izuku's strength and courage was enough to moved all might but hiroto doesnt know that and doesn't want to believe that izuku was worth something for all might to choose him out of everyone else... even hiroto himself.

if this was any other situation or any other time in his life before hiroto he wouldn't have easily believe in those filthy lies but hiroto had dig his claws into him and made him feel so worthless and helpless that izuku believes in every damaging single word that hiroto had spoken. so with the words "who would ever put up with you?" playing in his head, izuku tries desperately to repair their relationship and make promises that obey hiroto next time because isn't that what it means to be in love, to accommodate each other's needs and accept their flaws?? which IS BULLSHIT but izuku is too far gone and warped by hiroto that he believes he wasn't being a good partner and nobody else could ever love him like hiroto who DOES SO MUCH for him already. he's just not doing his part so he got to work harder to please hiroto and do better.

so izuku becomes more withdrawn from his friends and family. he goes to work then hurry back home to hiroto. he lets hiroto monitor him his cellphone just to know where izuku is at all time so he doesn't worry ya know..?? and ask hiroto permission just to eat lunch w his friends. his friends start to notice it ofc and one day when ochako and tenya forcibly corners him to talk to him alone. "tell me you're alright," she demands. they want to know what's going on with him and his bf and hiroto has done anything to him??? and izuku just laughs it off.

how could hiroto ever do anything to him??? hiroto may get mad and hit things but never HIT him and every little words that hiroto sharpens the knife against him may hurt but he isn't wrong. izuku just need to be better. and his friends immediately realized how toxic that is. they tell him to break up with hiroto because IT'S UNHEALTHY AND SHITTY the way he makes you feel. a relationship shouldn't be built on who put the most effort and what can you get out of it, he's making izuku miserable and dependent on him and izuku doesnt even realize it. izuku argues that's not true because HIROTO LOVES HIM. he does so much in their relationship and izuku cant even do one little thing like going home early to him is just izuku not committing to their love, but his friends ask him sincerely w all their heart: "are you happy like this?"

and izuku stops, eyes wide and he chokes with so much emotion. "i-i dont know." he shakes his head. "i dont remember what that's like anymore. i always feel terrified when im home like im going to do something to set him off because everything i do is wrong."

his friends sigh and drag him into a hug. "it's okay, it's okay. we'll figure this out." izuku for the first time feels like at ease in the arms of his friends.

then he got back home later that day and hiroto is FUCKING pissed because izuku didn't txt him where he was the entire time. izuku tries to say he had an emergency at work so that's why but hiroto can read him like a book just demand where he truly was and when did izuku got use to lying to him even tho this WAS the first time but he's like you lied this once so who said you never did before. so it put the guilt back onto izuku's shoulders.

izuku tries to say i was just meeting my friends it wasn't a big deal but hiroto is like YEA your FRIENDS WHO HATE ME, they prob told you to break up with me right??? izuku flinches and hiroto smiles like a shark scenting blood.

"i knew it," he says, "your friends just want to ruin us. they see the two of us together happy like this and they want to get rid of me because they think im not a good match for you because im quirkless and not a hero like them. they're fucking prejudice against ppl like me."

"that's not true," izuku argues. "they're not like that at all! they're good ppl who are worry about me." hiroto just stares at him. "why should they be worry, huh? do i hit you? or hurt you physically in anyway? how can i a quirkless nobody like me ever touch the no.1 hero?"

"you could easily fling me to wall and break my bones with just your fingers. Im defenseless against you. i cant even do anything to stop you. you're the one who has all the power in this relationship, izuku," hiroto tells him. "im just doing my best to love you but you like to make me into the bad guy."

"it's because you love playing a hero so much that there must always be a bad guy for you, huh?" hiroto demands, stalking toward him. "this is why it's impossible to love you, izuku. you make is SO DIFFICULT but i put up with it because i love you but it isn't enough for you right?"

izuku steps back, eyes downcast. "n-no, i never thought it like that. I just wanted to see my friends and they said." he pauses. "they said we're not good for each other, but i-" he hears a crash and looks up to see hiroto threw the AM's figures he bought to the floor.

"WE'RE NOT GOOD FOR EACH OTHER?" hiroto shouts. "your friends think we're NO GOOD?? THEY DONT KNOW ANYTHING about us so what right do they have to assume this?!" he starts breaking more and more stuff around their room and izuku feels helpless like he cant do anything to stop it.

izuku is the no.1 hero, fought so many villains, and has the most powerful quirk in the world but still in this moment right here: he's afraid, terrified that he's going to piss hiroto up more because that's how much influence hiroto over him. it's not about strength it's about power.

there's a clear and distinctive power imbalance b/t them. to outsiders izuku's success, fame, and fortune make it seems like he has the upper hand and dictate the pace of the relationship but in reality hiroto is the one who has all the power and control over izuku's life.hiroto manipulated and fucked with izuku's head enough that he thought he was choosing to give up all but it wasn't never a choice, it was coercion. he made izuku thinks he's doing all of this out of love that he cares so deeply so why cant izuku does this ONE lil thing for him.

"I'm sorry, im so sorry hiroto. i promiose i wont listen to them because i know you love me and i love you and we're going to get through this together," izuku begs, putting the blame on HIMSELF even though its not his fault and that's how he has manage to keep izuku in line.

so later, izuku in order to please hiroto tries not to engage w his friends outside of work and avoid hanging out w them which is one of the isolating measures that make izuku feel increasingly alone like there's nobody else he can turn to and develop a dependent on hiroto alone. when his friends prod him about it, izuku says: "we're trying to work it out so pls do not interfere." which is a huge red flag but hiroto hasnt done anything 'illegal' technically because he hasnt hit izuku or lock him up so they may not like what hiroto is doing but it's not illegal. a lot of what constitutes as abuse is still perceive by many ppl as more a physical issue so izuku not have any bruises or cut on his body just make him not a victim in other ppl's eyes even though THERE'S CLEARLY A PROBLEM and izuku is being emotionally and verbally abuse.

so izuku's life now revolves around his work, hiroto and occassoinaly he gets to see his mom. now, hiroto has no problem with inko as she's just a civilian even w a quirk and her quirk isn't even that 'special' so she doesnt pose any threat to him or his place in izuku's life. they often visits her and they just have dinner together where hiroto plays the part of the perfect bf and son in law. he's kind and generous and willing to do anything to make izuku happy, so how can inko not be moved? and he's quirkless so he understands where izuku came from. when they're with inko are like the perfect couple together so sweet and loving that inko never notice that there's anything wrong. it's not her fault for not noticing the signs that her son is trapped in a volatile and toxic relationship because they convince her they were happy.

izuku doesnt want to lie to his mother but he cant bear to tell her how miserable he is and how hiroto is basically running his life and he feels like a puppet under his strings because she looks happy about his relationship... but it's only because she thought he WAS REALLY HAPPY too. at home he feels trapped & walking on barefoot on broken glass in his own home as he dance to the tune that hiroto sets in order to please him. then when he's w his mom he feels like a doll propped to act out a lie in order to sell his mom the story of this perfect happy couple. only at work when he's out fighting villains that he feels a sense of safety and comfort because hiroto can't touch him here so he throws himself into work because it all he has left and katsuki starts to notice izuku's increasingly erratic and almost suicidal behavior in battle.

the thing is it wouldn't take katsuki this long to notice izuku's strange behavior if he didn't spend most of the months that izuku came back transfered to another region because he couldn't stand the sight of hiroto and izuku together as he is in love with izuku. katsuki wanted to confess to izuku right out of UA but izuku went overseas to figure himself out and be the hero he wants to be so katsuki was willing to wait for izuku come back to properly confess and chase after him but izuku came back with hiroto and that ruined his plan lol.

unlike izuku's friends & colleagues who really doesnt have any particular strong feelings toward hiroto, he's just a normal nice dude, positive or otherwise, katsuki made his dislike of hiroto v v v clear to everyone because he sees right through hiroto's nice guy image and bullshit. a scum can recognize another scum, katsuki thinks bitterly. he knows he doesnt have any right to izuku as he yet to earn it but this bastard is such a fucking fake. he pretends to be a gentleman in front of them but his eyes look upon them with contempt and thinly disguised hate.

despite how pissed he is about izuku's new bf, he's trying to be a better person to deserve izuku so he had to separate himself from the couple and go to another region to cool off and not like ruin izuku's happiness even tho during that time katsuki left izuku became miserable. if izuku can go oversea to find himself so why cant katsuki temp take resident in another region to sort out of his feelings and come up with a plan to win over izuku's heart without like murdering hiroto lol. he's not running away or giving up!!! izuku is basically it for him.

once he make up his mind one something/someone not even heaven or hell can move him from it. he's a stubborn old dog with his fav chewed up toy that he didn't know how to treasure back then and now it belonged to someone else but he cant let it go either, or doesnt want to. so he spent more than half a yr traveling around japan and working with different agencies and heroes just to grow and improve himself enough to come back as someone worthy of izuku. katsuki is thriving in the new environment and learning so much that he's ready to come back now. except when he came back it's to an empty eyes izuku who seem lost all life in him. he's so, so pissed because he's been gone for half a year and this shit happened without him there. none of their friends could do anything to stop it?? he's just so angry at them but mostly at HIMSELF.

if he was there he could have put a stop to this shit, he thinks as though to reassure of himself that he hasn't fail izuku too. his first thought is to immediately confront izuku and demand him to leave hiroto already because clearly hiroto is rotting izuku from the inside out. he's not good for izuku!! katsuki so angry that he, himself, had LET hiroto fucked with izuku's head like this as though izuku is his responsibility.

"break up with him," katsuki insists, having corner izuku one day after right after work. "cant you see he treats you like shit!"

"kacchan, what right do you have to demand me to break up with my own boyfriend?" izuku asks, voice unflinchingly steady but his words are sharp as a knife because the truth cuts deep and bloody. "you weren't here all these months so how can tell me you know he mistreat me?"

startles, katsuki is taken back by the coldness in izuku's words. in that moment he doesn't look like someone who was emotionally beaten down by his bf. he was deku, the no.1 hero, all might's heir, and the greatest of their generation yet... katsuki sees the tremor in his hands.

"you cant tell me this is what you want." katsuki sneers. "when was the last time you hung out with your lil nerd squad? do you even have a fucking life outside of your asshole of a boyfriend? and dont think i didn't notice you recklessly throwing yourself at every villain. you're deku! you dont have to settle for this crap!" katsuki says. "you can leave him anytime. you dont have to let him hurt you." which has good intention but ripe with victim blaming mentality because it implies that izuku willingly accept is situation and chose to live like this.

most of the time the ppl around us who loves us means well but they're not in the our shoes so they dont understand what it's like to be emotionally entangled and manipulated like that. there's so much more to it then 'just leave' because they got it your head and convinced you cant.

Izuku's eyes are watery against the accusatory tone of katsuki's words. it may not be what katsuki meant but it's all he hears. you deserve it. you brought this on yourself. you can leave anytime but you CHOSE to stay with him. this is your fault. you deserve to be unhappy. "kacchan, while i appreciate your thoughtfulness but you don't know anything. please dont interfere with my life anymore. you're just an outsider," izuku states. he's so angry and hurt but even when he's that upset he gently and cruelly let katsuki down; it's kindest rejection.

katsuki is left stunned as izuku walks out. he didn't stop him. he legs wont move and the words are clogged in his throat. he felt he has been majorly wrong and misunderstood izuku but he cant refute what izuku had said; he has no right to interfere with izuku's life. they're (ex)childhood friends, classmates, & colleagues but what else? nothing really. he's not one of izuku's idiotic bffs or his partner on the field like todoroki. in some way hes no better than a stranger but he couldn't leave this well enough alone. couldnt leave izuku alone.

so he go at it another way, going right to the fucking source and uproot it. he stalks hiroto's school and pulls him right out in the middle of class much to the shock of everybody. he drags him up the roof of the school and demands him to, "stay the fuck away from deku."

katsuki is all grown up now, he'd learned his lessons and can claim maturity as his badge of honor after so much hard won fights but in some way he's still that dumbass reckless rid w zero thoughts in his head because only deku can reduce him to this lvl of juvenile and instinct.

“Or?" hiroto asks, unimpressed even in light of katsuki's anger. "I'll kill you," katsuki threatens because he's a dumbass and the thought of a person of his rank and stature threatening a civilian doesn't even hit him because he's too furious to care. "i dont want to see you near him."

hiroto smiles thinly. "you dont get to make that kind of demand. this is mine and izuku's relationship, we get to decide. there will be third partying here."

"you fucking dont deserve him," katsuki growls. "you're a pile of shit trying to stain the sky with your stink."

"A monster in a human suit pretending you're better than all of us but we all can see the ugliness that runs underneath. you don't have any right to stand by side deku." katsuki sneers.

hiroto's eyes darken and he clenches his fists, but the smile never left his face."oh, if im a monster than what are you? because I know what you did Bakugou to him in jr high," he says coolly. "izuku had told me about it. we're more alike than you think."

Katsuki freezes, feeling like an exposed nerve. "i'm not like you at all, you sick fuck," he protests.

"ah, your wrong then," hiroto muses. "from one monster to another, i can why you loved hurting him. izuku cried so prettily doesn't he? he must have cried so many times because of you. i wonder if i was the one who told him to jump back then would he have done it instead."

witho hesitation katsuki punches hiroto right into his arrogant face. the hit sends hiroto to floor and blood spurts all over as katsuki breathes heavily, adrenaline running still as bloody grins stretches across hiroto's face. hiroto got him, read him like a damn open book.

the door suddenly slams open as several ppl rushes in. "Dynamight-san, what are you doing to Isao-sensei?!" they demand, catching the sight of hiroto's bloody face and katsuki's raised fist. and it's in that moment that katsuki realizes he played right into hiroto's hands. fuck.

katsuki forget that someone like hiroto who managed to trapped izuku and kept him away from everyone is really, REALLY good at manipulating situations to his advantage. hiroto has no quirk and isn't capable of even defending himself against him but he's fucking smart. he understands ppl on a very personal and intimate level as though he can pick out all the little cracks that ppl try to hide. that's how he got into izuku's head. it's not that izuku is mentally weak that hiroto managed to do it but he preyed on the weakness in ppl's heart. just like what had happened to izuku, he's doing the exact same thing to katsuki, just in a very different way. he dug into katsuki's biggest regret and the scar that had never heal even though izuku had long forgiven him for it. hiroto knew exactly what he was doing to hurt him.

so katsuki had punched him in a fit of anger and got arrested for it because even if he's the no.2 hero, you cant go around PUNCHING PPL that's an assault. katsuki is taken to the police and questioned why he would punch a seemingly harmless teacher but he remains silent. if hiroto press charges he could easily be punish by the hero commission, greatly fine and even have his license suspended temporary, and his stellar reputation get marred by the fact that he ASSAULTED A CIVILIAN because who can trust a hero who go around punching innocent ppl?? but katsuki doesn't say a single word in his defense. "that bastard deserves it," are his only words because he doesn't want to implicate izuku in any way. izuku's story shouldn't have to be made public when he already had his choices taken from him so this shouldnt be one of them.

so katsuki expecting there will be significant consequences for his action but he was released from jail later that day with no charges press much to his shock. when he's finally out of the station, izuku is right outside waiting for him. "are you alright?" he asks, looking katsuki over.

katsuki had expected anger from him at least after how shitty their last interaction went and the fact that right after that he went and punched izuku's boyfriend... "aren't you pissed?" katsuki says instead.

"that you hit my boyfriend or that you interfered after i specifically ask you not to?" izuku tilts his head curiously, a small smile cresting on his face. last time izuku had smiled at him it right before it cut him opened with his words but this time it feels real, whole.

"yea," he says, no point denying it now. he was reckless and stupid. he'll do it all over again if he could and he says: "i regret that i hurt you but i dont regret punching him."

izuku's smile spreads wider. "though i wish you didnt but i dont any expect less from you, kacchan."

somehow those words relieve whatever heaviness had lingered in his heart. he wasn't afraid of what his actions would mean for his career or image, but he was dreading having to face izuku's disappointment. that look could cut a grown man down, and it had done that with katsuki.

"you're not angry then?" he presses just to make sure.

"oh, im angry alright," izuku says, and it quickly dashes any further hope that katsuki had. "but im more angry at myself for putting you in this awkward situation where you felt like you had to take action. it's my fault."

katsuki feels the horror set in as though he's watching the demise of his own heart. "don't," he says, shaking his head. "you're not responsible for my own stupidity stop trying to make excuses for me. i fucked up i know but i'll pay whatever consequences come my way."

"well." izuku smiles wistfully. "you don't have to worry about that now. hiroto wont be press any charges now or in the future."

katsuki cant contain the surprise in is voice. "are you fucking serious? that bastard doesnt look like the type to give up an advantage point."

“hiroto and i came to an agreement so he dropped all charges against you," izuku explains as though it was that simple. Katsuki catches old of izuku's wrist. "what did you promise him?" he pauses. "what the fuck did you have to give up?!" he demands, heart beating frantically.

izuku looks down at the hand wrapped tightly around his wrist. "he give me 6months to tie all my loose ends before we go oversea. he doesn't want to stay here in japan anymore so we'll be leaving again."

Katsuki lets out a shuddering breath. "do you /want/ to go with him?"

"does it matter?" izuku responds, voice low as he gently removes katsuki's hands from his wrist. "i can help people anywhere. it doesnt have to be only in japan."

"yes, it fucking matters," katsuki hisses. "he cant take you away without your permission. I--" he chokes. he wants to say, i cant bear to see you leave again. those years you were absent didn't dull the feelings. stay. please stay. but he knows those words would only shackles izuku instead here instead of a choice out of his volition. katsuki wants izuku to stay because he wants to.

so he keeps his mouth tightly shut even though his hands burn with the urge to reach out and touch, anchor izuku here with him again. being an adult is so fucking hard sometimes because what he want isn't always something he can have. and he never want to force izuku to choose. izuku already had so many aspect of his life controlled and choices taken from him that katsuki doesnt want to be another monster lurking around him. sometime he wonder if he's any different to hiroto but then he think of this moment where he let his silence speak for itself.

"if you want to go abroad again then at least tell me it's of your own choice," katsuki says. izuku shakes his head.

“i'm not leaving. my career and life is here so are all my friends and family." his eyes soften at katsuki. "and you're here too kacchan. I dont want to go."

"then what about your deal with hiroto?" he asks, breathless with the thought of izuku choosing to stay even if it wasn't for him. "you said you promised to leave with him in order not to press any charges against me. are you telling me now you're not going to follow it through?

"do you trust me?" izuku asks suddenly, voice dropping an octave in urgency.

katsuki nods like it's as easiest thing to do and many way it is. izuku already has katsuki's heart even if he doesnt realize it yet so trust comes to him as easy as breathing if nothing else.

"you were right before," izuku admits, lips curling into a pitiful excuse of a smile as his arms go around himself. "im not happy and i cant keep living like this under hiroto's thumb. i want my life back, so give me some time and i'll seize it from hiroto's grip. I /will/."

katsuki has been witness to izuku's many hard earned scars and seen him at his best out in the field fighting countless of villains but in this moment right here, his small figure holding himself tightly with a resolute gaze; izuku has never look stronger. he doesnt doubt him.

But it doesnt mean he has like it, esp knowing that izuku is going at this alone. he ruffles his hair irritability and heaves a reluctant sigh. "ok, but you have to tell if you need any help. i dont care what the fuck it is, you have to let me know. promise me," he insists.

izuku seems taken back by vehemency in his voice, but he readily agrees if only to get katsuki to stop worrying. "alright, i promise." this is enough for now. izuku had ask for his trust and he'll give it even as he watches izuku's back getting further away from him.

the days and weeks after that katsuki and izuku never interacted again outside of civil conversations in a professional capacity out on the field. hiroto often come to izuku's agency to drop or pick him up. they're not always together but hiroto always make his presence known. to the outside world the hero deku is in a loving relationship with a humble and sweet teacher and he's still dominating the jp hero ranking but to katsuki and the rest of their friends have to quietly watch izuku become an island onto himself of only him and hiroto.

it was difficult to stay away and not interfere with izuku's relationship as promise but katsuki gris his teeth and force him to do the same. he quietly keeps an eye on izuku just in case because he may trust izuku but he doesn't hiroto to not go complete fucking psycho one day. patience has never been katsuki strong point but best thing in life take a whole lot of patience and effort and katsuki has already made his commitment to izuku till his last breath, so he waits and waits as promise until one day izuku's ordeal is finally bare out to the world.

it starts and ends with a press conference. no.1 rank hero deku calls upon them and the reporters and news agencies flocked to him for any enticing news that deku could release except what he says there on that day shock the entire world because it was so COMPLETELY unexpected.

"My name is midoriya izuku," izuku begins, "or deku as you know, and i am an abuse victim." he pauses, then, corrects himself, "an abuse survivor and this is my story." he starts telling how he met hiroto, the red flags he didn't see, and how hiroto had him and the world fooled.

the entire conference last 2 full hours as he go into explaining his relationship and the falls out of it to a stunned crowd. he had video, audio recordings, and txt msgs that date every incident between them all in vivid details. it was ugly, raw, and izuku's life out in display. the threats, emotional damage & verbal abuse he had endured. the lies that hiroto fed him that no one could ever love him and how nobody would ever believe his story if the truth ever got out because how could the most powerful hero in the world ever be abuse by a quirkless civilian? that's the first lie they'll ever tell that you have to be fall into a certain demographic and stereotype to be a victim but anyone can be abuse. it's not about physical strength, gender, class, or quirk but it's about the power and influence the abuser wields over their victim.

izuku explains that he has never been physically assaulted by hiroto but the emotional scars that he'd left behind on izuku cuts just as deep as any wound. the way ppl assume that abuse only happens when someone kick another is wrong because there's so much more than that. the abuser can get into your head and fucked with it, make you feel worthless and helpless without them so you're dependent on them for security and happiness. they dig into every little insecurities and weakness that you have so that you feel like you cant live without them. he take control over your life till you dont even know the decision your making is out of your own volition or to please him. everyday you live as though you're about to drown & he's the only thing keeping you from it but he's also has his hand around your throat the entire time.

this was what it's like to live with an abuser. this was izuku's life up until 3 days ago when izuku gathered all the collected evidence he had and reported hiroto to the police. so he's here today to to inform ppl that izuku is not alone in this, theres plenty of cases like him. not all of them will have an ending like his or maybe they haven't gotten out of their abusive relationship yet so he wants them to listen to his story and hope that they too can find the courage and strength within themselves to seek help and remove themselves from that toxicity.

the silence that followed izuku's story is deafening, but his story is an unvarnished truth in its sincerity. izuku never stumble or hesitate over his words but the way his eyes are drawn downcast and he tried to hide the slightest tremors at the most explicit part of his story. those are hard to fake, harder still is the fact that anyone in izuku's position of prestige and fame would ever lie to being a victim especially as soon as soon the story came out there's an outcry of disbelief and the mentality of someone of izuku's caliber can be ABUSE.

everyone has their opinion on it. there will be supporters as well as doubters and those who has yet to make up their mind but izuku doesnt care because his story isnt meant for public consumption is for those ppl who are quietly suffering like he did, it's they he want to reach.

after watching the conference in his own home, katsuki desperately wants to reach out to izuku but doesnt know if it's ok or if izuku even want to talk not after literally exposing his scars out in the open for everyone, but before he can make up his mind izuku decides for him. someone is at his door and katsuki goes to open, annoyed at being disrupted, only to see izuku and with his bag of carry-on.

"hi, kacchan," izuku greets. "can i stay with you for a couple of nights?" he looks nervously past katsuki's shoulders. "i didn't have anywhere else to go. Ochako and tenya had offered me to stay with them but i couldnt trouble them since they worry about me enough." he press his lips together for a moment. "but i think in reality i couldnt stand to see them look at me with pity. i dont want them to be careful around me.”

"and you think i won't do that either?" katsuki asks like a total idiot even though that isn't want he meant to say at all. izuku smiles sheepishly. "you can be kind but you're not gentle at all." Katsuki frowns as though not understanding, but he drags izuku in anyway.

and that's how bkdk ends up rooming together as izuku takes a break from work to slowly recover from his ordeal and escape the hyper spotlight on him currently. his friends and family often visit him and katsuki is always, always there by his side supporting him through it. his week is spread out with morning walks, a therapy session, a domestic violence support group, visit to the bookstore to read on the latest books, and then he goes home to katsuki preparing dinner and ranting about some stupid villains fucking up. it's quiet and lovely.

there's no specific law aim toward ppl like hiroto because the domestic violence doesnt really apply to manipulation, gaslighting, and emotional abuse witho 'physical' proof but izuku has a restraining order against him and made sure hiroto's face and name is recognizable as his own. hiroto always wanted izuku's fame and now he has it as the entire nation knows him now not just as deku's ex boyfriend but his abuser. he cant work or do anything without ppl recognizing him. this is izuku's punishment for him even though katsuki thinks that's a little too easy.

if katsuki has his way with hiroto he would be 6ft under LOL but even though izuku had been through so much shit by hiroto, he did used to love him after all and this is his final act of mercy, but maybe that's another weakness in him that hiroto managed to dig his claw in.

“do you think im weak for letting him off that easily?" izuku asks katsuki one day as they take an evening walk around katsuki's apartment. it's becoming their thing now, just walks as they share about their day. katsuki doesnt need to know who the 'he' in this question is.

he stops, frowns, and pinches izuku's cheek. "you fucking idiot, who said that? the fact that you are able to not completely destroy him like i would have done make you stronger than any one of us. not a lot of ppl would find the strength to show mercy to the one who hurt them."

izuku rubs his redden cheek and smiles softly. "kacchan, when did you become so nice."

"im always nice." he snorts. "you said so." I

izuku laughs, easily and lighthearted that it feels like he can breathe for the first time in a long time. "i did say that, and i truly mean it."

"thank you, kacchan," he says, looking at katsuki's sheepish face. "im thankful that you let me stay beyond the first week after what had happened. you didn't have to do that. i know you didn't sign up for this."

"shut up," katsuki snaps, but his tone is undeniably gentle. "nobody can predict that your ex would turn out to be a complete psycho, so yea i didn't sign up for this but im here and i want to be," he snarls, then he looks away as his face heats up with his next words. "and you can stay however long you like... forever even."

izuku's breath hitches. he suddenly drop his gaze to the ground and fumble with his fingers. "i-kacchan, i'm-" katsuki clasp his hand over izuku's own. "you dont have to give me an answer now. i can wait. i've been waiting since UA so i can wait however long you need."

it's not a proper confession and izuku is still full of scars and wounds that has yet to heal but katsuki will wait. recovery is a long winding road and katsuki will be him in every way as long as izuku allows him. love will come after, step by step and breath by breath.

[grokebaby]

@flowerrose14 (Pt. 1)

Lassi: Oh believe me I'm... Very used to being manhandled by giants at this point. It's fun if they're aware of how small and fragile I can be.. Or uh am, to them. I would have a bingo of being held by all the High judgements if Xerxes ever picked me up but, alas

"I do find Hart very fun admittedly, I don't think of myself as easily phased.. Although that uh, may have been tested when I first encountered it back in my early days on this job. Don't get me wrong, I'd seen many a strange creature by then but nothing quite like.. That. A true lovecraftian entity, and it just appeared one day in the office without warning. I'd heard very vague things about Hart up until then but they were the last high judgement I'd yet to meet. Much more sociable than either of the other two, no offense Delilah. Sure, obvious things are obvious, Hart is very quirky, but I really don't care for turning your nose up at people you deem 'weird'. Besides, some old people are just like that. I can see where it's coming from even if I also think some of it's messing around is a nuisance.. Also, Hart is thus far one of the few people I've met who speaks my language. My, first language that is."

Xerxes: Yes yes, I am.. Managing just fine, thank you. Although Void judge Hart has certainly given me gray hairs. I fail to understand how they can act so-so- how do I put this delicately.. Hart seems to treat.. Life, like a game sometimes. I don't think it lacks self awareness per se, but against the better interest of us judgements, it sometimes just does things that it wants, simply for the zest of it, I suppose. Me and them don't get along the best, my biggest issues mostly boil down to being purposefully disruptive and trying to actively get on my nerves. Even that would be fine if they weren't partially responsible for my hearing declining.. Sigh, take that last bit with a grain of salt, to be fair the Wrath district is very loud all in all. Despite our personal differences I assure you that I greatly respect Hart as a peer and as my elder, they're a very competent High judgement despite all, and they've looked after me and Delilah since day one. My opinion of them is rocky but unproblematic. Besides, between me and you, I get the feeling Hart may be due for retirement. I don't like how Delilah talks about it, using the word senile, but I do think there is cause to believe Hart's.. Assistance needs, have increased in the last few years. Me and Delilah already have accommodations for our health struggles, those being physical of course, but I see none for Hart, who might require more psychological assistance. It is nothing to be ashamed of, certainly, they deserve the help just as much as anyone else, but the topic is a bit diff-

Hart: TALKING ABOUT MEEEEEE?

Xerxes: -Uah!

Bonus:

Lassi, thoughts: Would it be weird to ask him to pick me up now that we're both here..?

[iichaeyj]

Hii Chae ^_^ this is just a suggestion for a moot game, maybe you could do like what would they do when travelling / going to a diff country or by plane like who hasnt packed yet, doing nothing, the one who will drive to the airport, the one who is packing for everyone etc.

yes this is so cute!! :D

fae (@jangwonie)

i feel like fae is just always weirdly prepared tbh,,, like maybe she just senses it or she's just lucky, but she's always ready. so, i think that fae definitely packed like a few days before the trip and is just ready to go when the time comes 😋 she probably just packed the essentials + a bit more. like she packed extra clothes and stuff just in case! and she's probably the first to get picked up by the driver bc she's always ready!

sai (@coffeewon)

i feel like sai would sorta like try and prepare the major things ahead of time, like they would know which clothes they wanna take and prepare the suitcase. but i think that they would do a majority of packing the night before. but i also think that sai wouldn't panic at all 😭 like they know what to do and they're not stressing over anything. would probably pack just the basics, like clothes and money and that's it. might be the last one to get picked up, but is ready when the time comes!

gigi (@seungiepup)

ngl i do think that gigi would lowkey be stressing 😭 like they wanted to prepare ahead of time, and maybe sai was the one who kept telling them to, but gigi might have forgotten or just didn't feel like it </3 and would definitely be rushing around the night before trying to pack everything. like they're flipping through their closet trying to find the things they want. but i do think that they'd get everything ready in time and would be rushing out of the house the next day!! i also think that maybe gigi would be the driver? so they can't be late cause they're the one who has to pick everyone up 💀

sia (@wonieleles)

hmm lowkey i think that you'd prepare half of your stuff the night before and half the stuff the morning of 😭 like it was late the night before the trip when you started to pack, so you tell yourself that you'll just do the rest in the morning. but when it's the next day, i imagine you waking up late and just running around your place trying to get everything 💀 and you're maybe the second or third to get picked up?? and gigi is honking bc ur late and disturbing the neighbors in the process 🧍‍♂️

shy (@nvertheless)

i sorta feel like you'd be very cautious when you travel?? like you're scared that you'll need something even though you've never used it before in your daily routine iykwim 😭 and so i believe that you packed maybe a day ahead and you feel like you're ready, but when it's finally the next day and you're getting ready to go, you suddenly feel like you need to pack more. you're picking up random clothes you've never worn before and adding it into your suitcase 🤕🤕 and so gigi probably honks at you, too, cause you're probably gonna be running late from that </3