#they're all quite lively but back then i had a friend was has low energy like me and we just kinda stay low...

[mochinon-yah]

Today's note: i went out from morning till evening (6 pm ish) and I AM TIREDDDD, i just now finished cleaning stuff (taking a bath, some simple skin care, etc), so i am now ready to eep 😻 it's not like i accidentally fell asleep when doing all that cleaning because my energy was so drained haha- yeah, definitely not-

[xjulixred45x]

Soft Yandere SatuSugu x Darling Reader: Aditional Headcanons

Genre: Headcanons

Reader: neutral/ some hints of Female

Warnings: YANDERE THEMES, Much shorter than the previous one,SOFT YANDERE GETO SUGURU AND SOFT YANDERE GOJO SATORU, UNHEALTY MINDSET, OBSESSIVE BEHAVIOR, MANIPULATION, Gojo's god complex (minor), canon Divergent (Geto doesn't get corrupted...complelty), Gojo x Geto x reader, strange amount of DOMESTIC FLUFF.

FIRST PART FOR CONTEXT

IF WE CONTINUE WHERE WE LEFT OFF, Geto and Gojo continue to take you out of the house monthly for nights out. They can even change it to daytime outings and make it a much more domestic family day with Megumi, Tsumiki, Mimiko and Nanako.

going to some amusement park, going for walks around the city, to the dog parks (you and Megumi connect a lot thanks to this)--

SHOPPING! Gojo and Geto become threats in this area, they will buy everything you, the twins and Tsumiki want. In your case you just have to look at something for too long and it's yours. Even if you try to avoid it, it's already yours ;)

(don't notice too much that they feel a little guilty for putting you in that state of depression in the first place but they are too selfish to let you go apart from the fact that you are too adorable and pure to be contaminated by the world ---)

Ejemejem EJEM....Lets continue.

They would also LOVE it if you wanted to try on clothes with them, although of course it will take a lot of effort to keep their hands to themselves.

If someone tries something on these types of outings (whether harassing or flirting with you), rest assured they won't do it again :)

although of course, they won't let you see it, but you know better than to believe it when they say "I'll be right back" that doesn't mean they're going to get water or go to the bathroom...

instead you just try to prevent the children from learning their "bad habits" translation: their possessive and obsessive tendencies, which is a difficult thing to do when 1- literally saved the lives of two of them and 2- literally saved the others for a clan of madmen, they are obviously quite skeptical at first with your warnings.

but because neither Geto nor Gojo make a REAL effort to make it seem that they are WRONG.

Mimiko and Nanako are the least suitable, but at the same time they are the ones who make the most effort to understand you and integrate you. So I don't see it as difficult for them to see through, at least, Satoru's behavior, and since before you used to have very prolonged depressive episodes. So they will be something like your allies and they were your main shoulder to cry on at the time.

Of course, they are not willing to see that Geto is not much better, but rather they are in denial.

Megumi is distant, which makes him the least suited of all of them to see what's wrong with all of this. He's barely with Satoru once he grows up, and yet he holds him in high regard, so the chances of him doing anything to help you are low to zero unless Tsumiki gets involved.

He doesn't hate you at all! You're the closest thing he's had to a stable figure, but he's not willing to risk Tsumiki for you, he's sorry, but that's the way it is.

Speaking of, Tsumiki is kind of like your best and worst option, because she IS the one who stops everyone in this house (except Geto and Gojo) from becoming Yanderes, but she can't do anything for you because she has no curse energy, she's worse than you in that regard. but she will always be there for you when you need a friend and want a tooth and nail ally (although the context is not favorable).

I also wanted to take advantage and delve deeper into Gojo and Geto in a way.

Gojo is much less condescending and more empathetic in this situation thanks to Geto, i had already said that, yes, but to make it clearer, we know that Gojo used to use Geto as his moral compass, distinguishing what is right and what is wrong.

For this reason, Gojo tends to imitate several of Geto's most pleasant behaviors when he realizes that this would be more pleasant for you until it come out in a natural way. I mean, Gojo has a lot of Geto and it is thanks to that that he is more empathetic with your situation, Geto helps him be more empathetic and kind.

While Gojo enhances Geto's positive qualities and removes possible negative qualities or thoughts that may bring them, any insecurity is CRUSHED by Gojo and thanks to this Geto is less paranoid than he could be.

Also thanks to this you are not completely isolated, because Geto fully trust that Gojo and he will protect you.

I don't need to say it, but I will, you are VERY spoiled. They are slowly turning you into a spoiled child (only without infantilization, that would be uncomfortable, they have children for God's sake) in the sense that everything you could want, you get (except maybe going out without any supervision). In general, one of their love languages is that, spoiling you.

That's exactly what they did when you first "moved" with them at first, they we're just so excited to finally having you that they wanted to do all at once, give you love, take care of you, spoil you, they even carried you from one side of State to the other just because they could.

Although at first being pampered is strange and somewhat nice, it quickly makes you feel somewhat useless by not being able to do ANYTHING yourself, add to the isolation (more or less about 2-3 whole years, you don't know, only that they graduated in that time) and you have a severe depressive episode(the one i talk about in the first part).

when you went into a that state, both of them, although they didn't show it, were TERRIFIED that you would try something....extreme, so to speak. So they spent a solid week helping you bathe, change your clothes, feed you, brush your teeth, etc.

Gojo seriously thought about giving you antidepressants, but at the same time he was scared by the possibility that they would fuck up your mind even more. That's when they made the plan and fortunately it worked.

They try to take better care of your mental health after that. Nowadays you can even go out apart from the monthly outings even with just one of them! something like more personal individual dates, for example, if you go to have coffee with Geto, chances are that that same week you will go to dinner with Gojo. Maybe these types of dates happen mainly when one is on a mission and the other stays at home.

They try to intersperse certain things to prevent you from being left alone, but when you do, they are constantly calling you or making calls on Sky. If they have to leave while you're asleep, they'll leave a joint voicemail saying how sorry they are that they can't say goodbye properly but that they'll make it up to you when they get home.

and you don't doubt that they will get home.

(You once tried to leave while they were on a mission together, but Geto's curses followed you everywhere, so nope, Even if they are physically there, you have no possibility to go out completely alone, although they are honestly not bothersome.)

When they get Home, expect the already high level of clingyness to increase and you won't be able to move all afternoon or AT LEAST until dinner time. but at least they tell you about the interesting things they did on the mission, bring you some (many) souvenirs and generally "make up for lost time" away from you.

If you had plans to start a family before, both Geto and Gojo definitely remember it and will want to know if you are still going with it. Of course, they were different circumstances, but surely you would like to start your own family with your husbands, right?

(all strictly consensual obviously, even if all this is quite shady, I REFUSE to believe that they would commit r@p3 against you)

If you don't want to, that's fine! They get it, they're a little disappointed not to see their little versions combined with you, yes, but they already have Megumi, Tsumiki and the twins, they can live with that.

If you don't want children but feel a little lonely, they can get you a pet! a cat or a dog to take care of all three but its main function is to keep you company. It's cute when they both arrive and see you snuggling with said pet (they definitely took photos and added them to the collection of cute moments)

their love for you does not diminish because you do not want children, if necessary it will multiply.

And additionally, if you take this route they would probably be filled with doubts about what would happen if they had accepted (things like possible miscarriages, postpartum depression, the possibility that you would die, etc.) and they feel WAY calmer about it.

If you decide that you are comfortable enough to have a child with each of them(and being an actual family someway)....god it would be chaos, in a good way?

Gojo would already be thinking of names, whether for his child or Geto's, it doesn't matter! He loved them the same, apart from the fact that he bought many MANY things for the children (the child was not even born and is already going to be spoiled).

You practically signed a deal with the devil, during the first months you can't even get out of bed! They practically bring you everything and are close to you 24/7.

Tsumiki gives you a hand to have some time alone at least. Megumi comes by from time to time to guard the house when Gojo and Geto leave, additionally asking you if Gojo is giving you trouble (fortunately not) and even leaving some cute stuffed animals (with protective seals).

Mimiko and Nanako are by far the most excited about this, although rather than asking Geto about the situation, they are more interested in what YOU have to say (obviously, Gojo and Geto too, but it's nice that the girls are so up to pending without being suffocating)

✨Scary Dog Privilge ✨ when everyone goes out for a drink when you start to have a baby bump, it's like a switch from "fucking scary" to "hiii sweetieeeee"

Gojo will shamelessly put his hands on your belly, but at least he'll be very careful when he does it. Geto always asks for permission, although if you say no often he will seem like a kicked dog and eventually you will have to give in.

once you have the baby, expect a LOT more gifts not only from Geto and Gojo but from their companions and members of other clans now that the Strongest have children, at least the twins, Megumi and Tsukimi take care of that while you, Geto and Gojo spend some time alone with the baby (no matter who it is).

(It goes without saying, if you have a baby, there is no WAY IN THE WORLD you can get away from them...although it's not really like you want to if you choose this route.)

I would like to say they don't teach their children their unhealty mindset, but again, they see nothing wrong with what they do bx you are happy(now) so it's your job(and maybe also Megumi's and Tsumiki's) to teach them how to love properly.

At least they won't stop you, they see it as the "old times way" but not neccesary Bad. They will still love their children (even if they're not yanderes or share the same view of love and world in general, they are their kids).

In short, they are not bad life companions at all! If only they could have started the relationship normally and controlled their jealousy, overprotection and paranoia in a healthy way......but they undoubtedly love you.

Shares, reblogs and comments are very welcome!

Hope You like it❤️

[melodiousmonsters]

Finally these things are done, pushed them off for a while and regretted it, but they're done now and I practically have the whole month ahead of me to work on this month's stuff. Anyway grumpyres. Again because I remembered to put them here stuff in italics and parentheses are author's notes and not an in universe statement.

"Ferrara hemecome average around 4ft/1.2m in average diameter with a 14ft/4.2m wingspan with the largest pair of wings. Their eye color is always blood red as there’s no pigment in them, their pupils vary from round to slit. They have microscopic scales on their wings that come off when flapped that cause a black sooty dust to surround them as they fly.

Grumpyre get most of their energy from blood, with some of their nutrients coming from small critters as a small yet important part of their diets. To feed and hunt they smell the air for the sent of living things (it’s CO2, but the monsters don’t know what chemicals are because they haven’t invented a way to detect them yet) with both their (non-existent) noses and scent receptors on the back half of their tongues, often making a weird face while doing so, well, they make weird faces all the time actually. When they lock onto a scent they follow it and determine what to do next depending on what they find. If it’s a small critter they either eat it or ignore it. If it’s a large critter like the marsh elk of the shadow lands they will follow it to its resting spot and wait for it to fall asleep. Once it sleeps they sneak up to the critter and tear a large gash into it with their snaggled teeth and lap up the blood. The wound is most often not dangerous to the critters they feed from and they can usually go about their day after the grumpyre feed. Sometimes it may get infected but that’s not the grumpyre’s fault, making them the most ethical carnivores of the monsters.

Grumpyre sleep in crevices to protect themselves from predation. To navigate tight areas where they can’t fly their sharp talons are used to clamber around caves, hollow logs, etc. They will then crawl up to the highest most out of reach area to sleep as some of their predators are quite tall and may be able to pluck them off the wall if they sleep too low. They wrap themselves up with their wings for warmth as they tend to run at a very low body temperature but prefer to be warmer to sleep.

The holes in their wings that are commonly seen are a result of parasitism. There’s a species of moths that eat holes in grumpyre’s wings called shade-cave moths as they are after the elasticin fibers that allow for their wings to stretch in flight. It has been theorized grumpyre sleep with their wings wrapped around them to minimize the amount of areas the moths can get to. 

Something they are falsely known for is having reversed emotions. Instead of having that they have unique expressions that don’t really look like any known emotion. Each grumpyre has a different set of emotions unique to it. But sometimes a parent and a child grumpyre may have the same face for the same feeling."

Varients

(F. hemecome rectadens) Jyacob’s grumpyre(Named after the Jacob's sheep)"Jyacob was just one of my friends from back in the day, they were a Flum Ox, I miss them. One of the downsides to being suspended in time is that you outlast everyone else you know. Anyways, it had some impressive horns like these grumpyre, so I decided to name them after it (I asked some of the grumpyres, they were fine with me memorializing my friend with their sub-species' common name). Their eyes are always slit and they have green to blue irises that take up the entirety of their visible eye. They also have six wings which makes them more agile fliers, necessary to keep their horns from bumping into things.

A less noticeable but important trait to them is that they have straight teeth, unlike the janky ones the commons have. This makes them a little bit worse at tearing open as many blood vessels as possible so they rely much more on small prey than blood from larger critters."

(F. hemecome alabaster) Albino grumpyre: These grumpyre are what happens when albinism affects a grumpyre, the rest of the unique traits seem to be attached to whatever causes albinism in monsters (Guess what, this guy is so wrong. Albino grumpyre aren’t albino as they have pigmented eyes. Monsters don’t know that genes do anything or even exist so they have no idea what they are talking about). Instead of relying on scent to get fed they use their massive ears to hear for breathing, they are hypersensitive to the sound of breathing and can detect it from a mile away. They also don’t have those janky teeth but instead they have hollow front teeth they sink into a blood vessel and then just drink up the blood through them like a really weird straw. 

They also don’t have enough fur to protect them from the sun, causing them to constantly have to regenerate damaged skin causing weird growths. Eventually even the growths fall off leaving dents, but they do have an increased ability to repair their skin so the dents only last a few days."

"Grumpyre live in mostly dark and wet places, so the shadow lands of the pocket dimension. Their cryptic spotting and dark colors allow for perfect camouflage in the dim dark woods. They are middle-of-the-food-chain carnivores similar to cats, which also call the shadow lands home; it seems the marshes breed those types of beasts.

Grumpyre may live in social groups or alone, a group of grumpyre is called a colony or a flock. These inconsistent social preferences are simply because of the way shadow monsters are, they are very unique compared to other monsters and even to each other in some cases. Some love being around others and some can’t stand it. The ones that aren’t opposed to living in a group will often sleep in large groups with some clusters of grumpyre that find comfort in physical contact while some will be on their own."

(A quick drawing of a grumpyre chick I did because I want to ease into drawing baby monsters for these)"Grumpyre eggs will hatch pretty much anywhere, very hardy. Grumpyre chicks are as unique as the adults can turn out. Some may start doing things very early, some will seem to be on developmental track and then regress, some will take longer. They start out with one pair of wings then grow the rest over the course of their development. Older grumpyre tend to get shaggier fur on the bottom half of their bodies."

A fun note I didn't know where to include is that grumpyre can't taste sugar, some animals in real life can't taste it like cats, and grumpyre are based on them so they can't taste sugar.

[crabbytime]

Actually fuck it y'all get my tfa ocs too because I forgot to post them but I love them dearly (yes my ref style is inconsistent but I refuse to make it consistent)

Mini bios!

Deadweight- An Autobot defector and medic who hoards spare parts, junk, and whatever they've graverobbed. After having their conjux executed during the war for becoming a Decepticon spy and losing their entire team to a wayward alien parasite, they completely lost all joy or hope and switched sides. They don't express any sort of emotion and just let things happen, but they're as honest as they come (though it's mostly due to lacking the energy to lie). This can be detrimental if you're on the operating table, but otherwise it makes others know exactly where they stand with Deadweight. Due to their size, they tend to be used by other Decepticons as a weapon. The compartment on their back is akin to a mobility aid since it's mandatory for them to transform, and they occasionally use it for support when their leg injury acts up. The compartment also acts as a personal infinite pocket dimension, perfect for hoarding their collection! Their alt-mode is a hearse.

Diama- After the Allspark was shot out into space, the Autobot High Command wanted to find a way to create new Cybertronians without wasting too many resources. Thus, Perceptor started a new project that began and ended with Diama. Their goal was to create a completely artificial 'bot that wouldn't need too many resources to run on, and could even survive without energon. What they got was Diama. She was invented with the possibility of failure in mind, so she was made quite compact and with individual parts that combined to make her body in case they needed repair. Since they weren't sure if she'd be scrapped or not, they made her alt-mode something practical they could use were she to be shut down so their resources weren't wasted. A magnet. Her body emits a natural magnetism she has to keep low so she doesn't stick to the metal architecture of Cybertron. This also means she's fairly liable to fall apart at the slightest bit of force. Because she's completely artificial, she has no personality, the reason Ultra Magnus cancelled the project, as he deemed the sacrifice of personality too great a cost in exchange for progress. Though, because her personality is AI, her behavior is influenced by those around her, so her data keeps having to be fixed and reset by her handlers. The only reason she still "lives" is because they have her go around doing maintenance work for situations normal bots can't quite do. Perceptor likes to keep her around as his walking flashdrive.

Throwback- An unaligned amnesiac the Autobot High Command took in after finding his mangled body post-explosion. Nobody knows where he came from or what he is, considering his entire infrastructure was archaic by their standards, yet he had a spark. They had to completely recreate his outer shell while keeping his bare-bones intact, both to study and to not accidentally kill him. The damage he sustained gave him a large amount of damage on his processor and joints, but they couldn't be fixed due to his anatomy being incredibly outdated and unknown to the Autobots. Because of this, Throwback has an incredibly difficult time absorbing new information, which is incredibly frustrating for him and everyone else. He acts out as a result of that and his situation, pushing his already brash personality to its limits. He's incredibly loud and rude but turns tail at the first sign of conflict. His alt mode is a boomerang, but only his top half can turn into it, leaving his legs to their own devices. Because he keeps trying to escape his confinement, they've paired Diama with him so she can use her magnetism to pull him back when he runs.

Evolutia- Has earned the nickname "mommy issues" in my friend group and for good reason. She's as old as Alpha Trion and has both the experience and knowledge to back it up. Having lived through so many conflicts, she's gotten a distaste for it, and instead busied herself with off-planet work and exploration. Knowledge was always something she sought and she was willing to do anything to figure things out. However, an accident left her T-Cog destroyed and rendered her unable to transform. This didn't stop her, however, as she continued her research regardless. There she found that her body, though it could no longer transform, could instead shapeshift and meld to match the environments she was in. This ability was unnatural and made her fellow Cybertronians afraid of her, so she ran off before they could experiment on her. As this occurred during the Decepticon conflict, she ended up switching sides just to learn how they functioned and to study their anatomy. It was there that she took Shockwave under her wing, taking notice of his own shapeshifting abilities. She mentored him in this and various sciences in hopes that he'd use this for Cybertron's benefit, but became disgusted by him and ended up abandoning both him and the cause. She lived alone in space for countless millennia, stopping by other planets and stealing resources for her own purposes. She's even the basis for a variety of myths, legends, and rumors across countless planets as a result, thanks to her ever-changing appearance. There was always just one question she could never answer, the secret to life and existence, and she aimed to find out one way or another. So, she began building constructs to try and recreate Cybertronian anatomy using her vast knowledge of the subject. When this didn't work, she began harvesting honorable sparks from still-living bots from the shadows in order to pass their noble traits onto her new generation. She was the one to first create Throwback, not that he remembers, and she has countless other constructs wandering around the cosmos. She's incredibly patient and motherly, but once she's disappointed, you're essentially dead to her. She does not have nostalgia in the slightest and has no problem with switching her opinions around at the drop of a hat with no hesitation. Her highest priority is Cybertron's future and evolution, and she will stop at nothing to achieve her goals. Before her T-Cog was destroyed, she turned into a moon rover.

This turned into a massive infodump but I love them a lot. All of them have more info on my Toyhouse! I'm not sure how the algorithm works on this site so idk if I'm allowed to link it but my username is also Crabbytime!

[blimbo-buddy]

about the tier list, I'm really curious as to why Jake is as low as he is

You got a big storm comin'

So the thing is, I like Jake. To an extent. It's the canon and common fanon versions of him that I don't care much for

I don't like the idea that he's this great father and great friend who everyone loves. I also have my share of gripes of his appearances. Which is weird, you'd think that I'd be happy that a Kittypet has so many appearances in a book, especially if they're present in multiple books in some form.

But. I feel nothing whenever he shows up or is mentioned. and I have no clue why. But I can try and narrow them down:

I don't like how much he's put onto a pedestal by the fandom

I don't care for the friendships he makes in canon

I don't like his fanon characterization of being the number 1 dad ever

As a matter of fact, I have a wildly different interpretation of him compared to other versions. Below the cut is me going on about my version of how I interpret him. But to reiterate:

Jake being so loved by the fandom and put on a pedestal for being a "Good dad" makes me want him boiled

I feel nothing about him and continue to feel the same way about him in canon

He works better as being a good enough friend, but horrible father

Okay so without further ado:

He was simply another cat indoctrinated into following clan society, he's just doing it with extra steps

His love for the clans soured his reputation greatly in Chelford (i think we all can get an idea of why)

He had the time of his life with TallTail, loving every story he told him of the Clans. To Jake, it was like he was meeting a personal hero (even if he never knew TallTail beforehand)

He was probably chosen by Starclan to act as the perfect puppet for their meddling. So he was visited one night and informed that he could be the sire to the greatest cat that ever lived

Jake longed for a place in the world, a way that he could cement himself into history, no matter if he would become infamous to his hometown. He could finally be something in the world

So when he was given this message from the Clan's afterlife that he would sire a prophecy cat, he went right to finding cats

First, he actually met Nutmeg. She wasn't from Chelford so she never experience The Raids, meaning that she didn't hold malice towards him.

Together, they had Filou, Tommy, and Luna. But when Jake laid his eyes onto the litter, he felt nothing special, no implication that this litter was a success in creating the prophecy cat

I'm not sure if I'd either have Jake cheat on Nutmeg or have Jake and Nutmeg split up for a moment, but either way:

Jake met Quince- who he had known for quite some time in their younger years-. She was hesitant at first with being together with him due to his reputation, but she grew fond of him again

They had a three-kit litter: Socks, Ruby, and Tiny

Jake prayed that this would be the one. But as you could have guessed: It wasn't

Jake swore he could have heard a small voice in the back of his mind - Starclan perhaps?-, to just try one. more. time:

Jake left Quince and went back to Nutmeg and the two had their second and final litter: Princess and Rusty

The moment Jake laid his eyes onto Rusty, he felt a burst of energy into his body that nearly hurt like fire. Rusty was the one

From that day, Jake put every second of his attention onto Rusty, secretly telling him of the Clans in the forest and encouraging his son to be adventurous

For Jake, he finally found his purpose in the world. He now had his prophecy child who would become something far beyond extraordinary. He was Jake: Father of FireStar, the fire that saved the Clans

Here's some other posts that go over how I view him (Which also includes rewrite stuff)

Why FireStar is hated by the Clans

Firekin's familial struggle

Jake repeating the cycle of indoctrination and clan propaganda

Jake's prophecy child mission

[horuslupercal]

I desperately need to know how Konrad's life gets even worse in EISW. I'm also curious about Perturabo, but I NEED to know how it is possible for Konrad to take more Ls.

Konrad is actually one of the very few that get a change that makes their lives better, at least for a while! (Lion is about the same but considerably weirder, Perturabo hates his life which is nothing new but Emps is at least happy to have a presentable Primarch, and Khan actually gets the good end)

Konrad has a vision and wakes up in a dumpster (probably not joking) and tries to set up Nostramo for some actual success, chooses a name to try and play at respectability and (metaphorically gnawing his own fingers off about it) starts delegating. kind of. in a micromanaging boss kind of way. He is NOT popular amongst his brothers or legion cause he is a total killjoy and holy shit the leash the Night Lords are on is TIGHT (even excluding lion holding some poor night lord under a sink with a bar of soap in his other hand for swearing in his presence). He gets a really weird rep regarding it, since the Night Haunter is still him and he is the Night Haunter and do not presume his civility now prevents him from continuing his mission the way he started it :)

that said, the weird constant anxiety/stress situation of giving over even a little control regarding crime management and watching it not go the way it's supposed to really wears him down. he definitely gets a little... I don't wanna say paranoid, because that doesn't feel quite right, but he can tell when people are keeping secrets and not knowing what the secrets are means they're probably bad and something that should be dragged to the light, kicking and screaming, for Judgement. I'm still not entirely sure what happens during the heresy era, because what's a HH au without a heresy, but I DO know he straightup murders Lorgar around that time (rip Lorgar he's one of my top 5 primarchs ever, he will be missed. also not to victim blame but literally all he had to do was explain and konrad probably maybe wouldn't have killed him if he'd managed to reel his temper back in) and also probably accidentally causes at least one piece of the schism of 1054 heresy

during the heresy he spends a lot of time hunting dorn and fulgrim and taking the L on that front so hard that it adds badddd bad fractures in his composure. will get back to you on how that turns out but he might just die like an enraged sim (JOKES, if he dies it'll be a worthy end)

Perturabo is a politician. he forced himself into it because he did some evaluation and decided it was the most efficient way out of the ridiculousness that is Olympian politics and it sucksssss. he hates it because Autism.Primarch and he constantly feels like he's on the wrong footing and politics are far from low energy/easy social interaction even for people who naturally take to social endeavours. less trench warfare for him because Emps is lacking a little in the Face Man department (rip Roboute and Fulgrim and Lorgar), but somehow being a Face Primarch is just as unrewarding and even more exhausting. the primarchs yearn for the trenches (JOKE don't put him in a trench. give him some migraine meds and a bubble bath. he deserves it for consistently being the primarch that Carries in every universe)

he gets more time for his artistic hobbies, though, which is a win for him

funfact: he and Sanguinius are friends :3

[qierxing]

Obligations

Yan! Zhongli x Reader

Word Count: 2,837

How long can a man talk before he runs out of air?

Scratch that. How long can this man talk before you decide to strangle him?

"...as such, the rivers, plains, and mountains that are said to have been the remains of what is left of the dead gods remains…."

The intonation of Mr. Zhongli's voice nearly puts you to sleep at the ornate dining table, and if it weren't for the fact that you were at an esteemed establishment (even if you two were in a private room), you surely would've face planted and fallen asleep right there on the mahogany wood. But you don't, because it would be an insult to the very man (and the food) who invited you on this outing.

Mr. Zhongli is a respectable man and apparently, a good friend in your family's circles. Even though you've never met the man till now, even you're aware of his shining reputation; aunties giggling on how he's so charming and polite, cousins admiring his knowledge and strength, and other relatives likewise praising him to high Celestia and above.

And he is, you suppose, very handsome. His face is beautiful; high, defined cheekbones, molten amber eyes that glow warmly, pretty curved pink lips and nose to match. A good face, your auntie would say if she was here. An auspicious face.

“And that is how the geography of Liyue came to be...”

You're sure anyone in your position would be swooning over how his voice flowed like the trickling rivers that ran through Guili plains, but you just wished he would shut up at some point. Not even the delicious spread of food at the glass carousel wheel could distract from his tirade, and that was saying something.

Speaking of, why did he order so much food for only the two of you?

'In Liyue, you can always eat till you drop!' A saying that always echoed among the locals, and still holds true today. But even then, the intricately painted línglóng porcelain holding the remnants of steamed egg soup, roasted duck, squirrel fish, and more and more food, are way too excessive, even if he wanted to impress you.

You idly push around the Tianshu meat on your plate as he continues to drone on, wondering when you can politely excuse yourself without being rude.

-

"So, how was the dinner?" You internally groan as your mom's barely concealed excitement in her voice shows.

"Mama, we just sat there and talked." Well, Zhongli was the one doing most of the talking. But you weren't about to say that, not when you know a lecture awaits that answer.

"Isn't he a very handsome man?" Your mother's eyes gleam dangerously and a resigned sigh leaves your lips as she barrels on confidently. "Doesn't he seem like the perfect husband?!"

"Mama, it's ten in the morning…" What you wouldn’t give to eat your congee in peace.

"He is a respectable man, and quite knowledgeable to boot."

"Not you too, Baba!"

Your father merely chuckles as he continues reading the daily newspaper, and you roll your eyes as he continues chuckling behind the printed pages. Your mother swats at him to finish his porridge, turning to you with a frown on her wrinkled face. You brace yourself, knowing exactly what is coming next.

"[First Name], you're already of marriageable age, you should be looking for your future spouse! Your parents are growing old and when we die-"

"I will be perfectly fine without a husband." You cut her off, rubbing at your forehead. It was too early in the morning for this talk.

"Aiya, I don't want our only child to be by themselves! We will never know peace once we pass away, so much worry-"

You tune the rest of the lecture out, not even having the energy to refute her worries.

When you leave the house to take a walk, you meet the infamous Mr. Zhongli again.

"What a coincidence, I am also taking a walk to clear the mind. Would you perhaps like to join me?" And trapped by societal politeness, and the fact that this man did order you a three course meal the previous night, you agree.

So it's to your surprise that he does not immediately initiate dialogue as the both of you stroll leisurely through the stone gardens in Yunjin terrace, and a comfortable silence falls.

"You seem to have a lot on your mind." You turn to meet his gaze, and then away. Your frustration burns at you in the remainder of the morning's argument, but it dissipates at his concerned face. It is not his fault, you reason, that your mother wants you to court him for a possibility. For fortune. Despite the man's shortcomings, he is nothing but a gentleman.

"I don't want to pry but...I have heard that talking about your thoughts might ease your mind?"

You pause for a long time, breathing out your nose as you close your eyes.

"My parents want me to marry you." You've never been one to mince words, much to your mother's dismay at trying to teach you etiquette. "They think that you're a good match. And they're paranoid about me becoming a spinster."

There's silence for a moment and you open your eyes to not a face of disgust or shock, but rather one of musing.

"And you, [First Name]? What do you think?"

You turn your gaze to the water.

"Honestly? I don't know. I don't know you well enough to make that judgement. I know my parents are worried, but I don't want to get married for the sake of not being alone. I think it's rather selfish, to wish that solely for your partner."

The words tumble out of your mouth, one after another and you wonder how it is that it's easier to confess this to an acquaintance than your own parents.

"I was under the impression that people often like to pursue lasting romance in their lives. It's interesting to see this is not always true." Zhongli hums, hand coming to stroke his chin thoughtfully.

"Perhaps? I don't know. I've always been content with my friends." Shrugging your shoulders, you sigh. "Who knows? Maybe I have yet to meet the right person."

Zhongli hums again in response, seemingly in deep thought with a small frown pulling at his lips. A silence falls once again, and an awkward atmosphere falls upon the both of you.

"Oh yes, I never did thank you for the delicious dinner last night." You note offhandedly, half distracted by the swimming carp in the clear pond water. The water trails are hypnotic, and they help take your mind off the stressful morning you had.

"It was nothing. For my friend's precious child, that was the least I could do." He modestly replies, and you deadpan. It was nothing? A three course meal at Xinyue Pavillion, nothing? You know that squirrel fish did not have a low price tag.

"Regardless, I'm very thankful for your generosity." After all, not many tolerated your blunt, forthright personality, least of all the potential suitors your mother always brought before you. The memory makes you feel guilty at the irritation you had back then at the dinner. "The next time, I insist we have dinner at Wanmin--I've heard their black back perch stew is to die for. My treat."

He hums, and turns to you with a heartbreaking smile, a far cry from his previous countenance. "Is that a promise?"

You raise your eyebrow, "What are you, Morax? Yes, it's a promise, unless you hate fish, I guess."

His amused chuckles are soft but light a warm hearth in your heart.

-

Your mother is growing more daring than you remember.

She shoves you out the door as if you're some kind of fancy wrapped gift to offer to Mr. Zhongli, and there's a manic glee in her eyes as she eyes you and him standing together like a couple.

"[First Name] has been looking forward to this, haven't you, sweetie?"

The Liyuen hanfu she forced you into were a different cut than the modern cheongsam dresses of the current trends. Archaic, if you dare call it that. While some traditionalists still donned hanfu, it was not as common to see it in the streets. When she was shoving you in the under robes, she muttered about how it was something passed down in the family. Which explained a lot. These days, hanfu like this were something of a rich antiquity.

You sigh deeply, tugging your translucent pibo around you tighter as you decide to humor her, if only to get her to stop embarrassing yourselves and leave faster.

"Yes, quite."

Zhongli hums, and when you turn to face him, you're almost unnerved at how his eyes sharpen and scan over you, pupils slit like a dragon's. The moment is gone in a flash and he merely smiles at you gently before taking your hand in his gloved one.

"In that case, shall we get going?"

The nightlife of Liyue is in full swing and Zhongli tugs you closer, and there's something intimate in the way he presses you firmly into his side, the warmth he exudes sending pleasurable tingles down your body.

"Do forgive me for being so bold, [First Name]," He addresses you so tenderly, that you blush when you look back up from your joined hands, "You look absolutely radiant tonight."

How is it this man manages to say such an embarrassing thing so smoothly? What is his secret? He doesn’t seem like the playboys that often loiter around the downtown area of the harbor. You look away, unable to meet his eyes that reflect the lanterns and make his pupils glow.

"T-Thank you, Zhongli, you're too kind."

His eyes never seem to leave you, even when taking in the lovely scenery of Liyue at night. For the bright lanterns glitter and glow on the ocean waves, but his own pupils are glued to your being when you look in your peripheral.

“Is there something on my face?” Tearing your eyes away from the street in front of you, you turn to meet his gaze straight on.

He merely smiles.

“No.” He pushes a stray strand of hair behind your ear, the gesture innocuous, but leaving a burning trail where his finger tips touch your skin. “I believe we have arrived.”

Thankfully you can excuse the burning in your cheeks and neck away with the spices that the Li cuisine favors. If anyone asks, it was the black back parch stew making you look flushed and out of sorts. Never mind the fact that Chef Mao looks quite amused at the fact you’re sputtering in response to his cheeky questions about you showing up with a man to your favored restaurant.

When you look up from checking to make sure your hanfu didn’t get any stains, Zhongli is uncorking a white bottle and pouring it into your cups. At your questioning look, he replies, “Dàqūjiǔ. The Li technique ferments wheat for about two to three months. This one in particular, has a fine aroma after being fermented for a while.”

���Hoh…” You chuckle at his explanation, “You really do know everything.”

“Hardly. I cannot say I know as much as the regular scholar…nonetheless, to good fortune!”

Echoing his cheer, you raise your cup and drink.

The alcohol burns your throat, and you’re reminded of your low alcohol tolerance. Yet, your fellow friend refills your cup just as easily, and who are you to refuse him? By the time you’re on your fourth cup, your world is spinning and you’ve developed a headache.

“Ahaha…wow...everything...is...moving…” You slur incomprehensibly and slump onto the bamboo table.

“Oh dear, we best get you back. In this condition, you’re too vulnerable.”

“No way...if I go back with you...my mom….she won’t let me…!” You raise your head from the cool table, but the effort of doing that makes you groan.

Zhongli all too easily picks you up bridal style, and after bidding goodbye to Chef Mao with a hefty bag of mora, he walks down the now empty streets of Liyue.

“Won’t let you what, dear heart?” He hums, stroking your face gently with the pad of his thumb.

“Won’t let me...let...us...ugh…”

“[First Name], do you like me?”

“Mmh...yeah…” Is all he gets, but the stilted, jagged answer is enough for him. The content smile that breaks his face belies the haunting glow of his molten eyes.

-

When you step out of the door of your bedroom, you're accosted by your sobbing mother.

"Ma-Mama?! What's the matter?" You frantically ask, pushing at her shoulders.

"Oh my sweet child, oh I'm so happy for you! When were you going to tell me, you brat?!"

"Tell you what?!"

"That you're marrying Zhongli, sweetie! Oh, this is such a momentous occasion--"

You're too shell shocked that you do not hear her next words. What? Marry? Zhongli? What on Teyvat was going on--

"--Hurry up, he's waiting for you in the living room!" You're snapped out of your daze when you're ushered hastily into the room, casual robes and all, right in front of the very person you had so many questions for.

The door shutting behind you does not muffle the excited chatter from your parents and you wince when you hear your mother excitedly bantering with your father. Turning and meeting an intense gaze, you feel like you’ve stepped into an arena with a monster.

"Zhongli, why are my parents under the impression we're marrying?"

His golden eyes crinkle in delight at your blunt words, "Because we are, my dear heart."

D-Dear heart?!

"I don't understand."

"What is there not to understand?" You step back as he rises from the cozy armchair he was given. It only just occurs to you how ridiculously tall this man is, and he towers over you, like a mountain.

"I believe we share a mutual attraction. After all, last night only proved it." He leans over and you flinch as he gently cups your face with a small smile.

"We've only known each other for a couple days!" You protest, leaning your face out of his hands. His smile dips into a displeased frown, hands falling to his sides.

"Why need more time to prove what is already there?" He tilts his head. “If this is a matter about your dowry, I���m sure I can help--”

“This isn’t about mora! Zhongli, this is moving way too fast--”

“Is that so? If I’m correct, I believe that your family’s come upon some hard times, no?” And you’re left breathless, struck silent. “Not down to the pits, but just one little slip and...well, your father’s business is already taking loans, isn’t it?”

Your teeth are grinding so hard against each other to the point where it echoes in your head.

“Marry me, [First Name], and you won’t have to worry about any of that. After all, I’ve always had enough good fortune to share. Are you so willing to crush your parent’s hopes and dreams for their child?”

“I-” Your mother’s tears on her weathered face come to mind, wrinkles from stress deeply indented in her skin. Your father, weary, veiny hands covered in scars from hard manual labor, shoulders slumped from his strength sapping. And you realize with a bone chilling fear that this man, this man was threatening to destroy the very foundation of your life.

He smiles upon seeing your uncertain visage, gritted teeth, clenched fists and trembling body.

"You'll look beautiful in red and gold."

-

How numb you feel!

Having to sit there while being dressed, being fawned over by your cousins, cried over by your mother and aunties, and your father and uncles chuckling over your good fortune. All the while, you cannot bring yourself to bring even the fakest smile to your face, only being able to muster up a sheepish smile, but it is of no concern, as everyone seems to mistake it for a shy front for a person about to marry their true love.

At least that’s how your mother is spinning it to your giggling aunties. And even when the festivities are over, you know that this is not the end.

Bare fingers trace your cheeks and lift your veil as a chaste kiss is placed on your lips.

This was supposed to be a day of joy.

Said fingers begin to trail down your body, and more sobs begin to shake your body. When you think about it, this might be the first time you felt his skin touch your own. Zhongli has always dressed conservatively, even covering his hands with his gloves. Thinking about it longer makes your skin crawl.

This was supposed to be--

Zhongli hums appreciatively into your collarbone as he slips your wedding garb off your shoulders, your world collapses and dims, with only a haunting amber light as your guide.

[hillbillyoracle]

Simple Celebrations for Holidays

Please pardon the autoimmune brain fog haze I'm writing from, but I wanted to pass along what I wish I could go back in time and tell myself about planning holidays. Especially for those holidays I skipped when I didn't have friends to celebrate it with because it's totally possible to have a fun meaningful holiday without anyone celebrating with you.

When I was younger, I think I felt like solo holidays didn't count and for the ones I didn't grow up with I always felt like I wasn't doing enough. But I realize now it's so much more about what is enough to you personally and lowering your enough bar to meet what you're reasonably able to do is where the magic happens.

I also think I thought that most of the holiday had to be based in tradition or spirituality - and I will say it's great when that's an option - but I realize now that even historically that only made up a portion of a given holiday to most lay folks, not the entire thing.

Why Celebrate Holidays

You definitely don't have to be any means. I spent many years barely celebrating most holidays and wasn't adversely impacted.

But I will say as I've gotten older and adult life itself isn't quite as exciting, novel, or interesting as it once was, holidays are really nice for differentiating the time. Especially when you do something a little different from year to year it really helps to mark out which era was which. If you're younger, that might sound silly to not be able to tell the years apart but they really do start to bleed together as you get older.

Historically, people still celebrated holidays even in terrible circumstances. It gave them something to do, a way back into the rhythm of their lives, a connection to the past, present, and future. In all the chaos we're living through right now, holidays offer us the same. A little way to take some control back and connect us even when we're apart.

Also, if you're anything like me, sometimes you need a reason to get up and treat yourself because it's not something you're great at otherwise.

Pick 1 or 2 things to Cook

Bonus points if these are variations you switch up each holiday. I've been fucking loving making bundt cakes for each occasion. Pick a seasonal ingredient to feature.

Low energy? Pick a convenience food or take out that contains the seasonal ingredient or seems appropriate in some way. Our go to Epiphany meal for many years has been take out from our favorite Indian place.

Pick 1 or 2 Spiritual Activities

My go to are tarot readings and feeding spirits. If the land is active, I try to feed the land spirits outside. If the land is dormant, I focus on house spirits and ancestors. For All Souls Day or the Octave of it, we've been going to a Catholic cemetery and saying a rosary for the souls in purgatory.

Prayers, votives and petitions, some types of spell work, casting astrological charts, local folk traditions for good luck and protection, and deity work are all things I've used at some point or another.

Pick 1 or 2 Fun Seasonal Activities

I think getting outside in some way is one of the most straight forward ways to celebrate this one. There's something about just going on a long walk and seeing what the land is doing that really sets the tone. Leaf collecting and pressing is a fun one to do in fall. Flower pressing is fun in spring. Taking pictures of what you see is a treat too.

Games are a good one for this. There's a lot of affordable and fun solo table top games so even if you're celebrating alone there are options. And of course, me being me, I like seasonal solo RPGs when I'm able to decide on one; they're especially fun for the winter holidays when it's harder to get outside. I like to get off of screens but some videos games are thematically appropriate or may even have holiday events - Animal Crossing is one.

Low energy? A book, show, or movie that reflects the season or holiday meaning is a great option. I've been collecting and doing puzzles with seasonal images on them. It doesn't take a lot of brain power for me to do them. Small ones are quick to do and relatively cheap to pick up.

Bonus: If you're able, donate or volunteer.

This could be to a relevant org or just an individual who needs it. Consider writing and sending a letter for a program like Letters Against Isolation or the World Needs More Love Letters.

Bonus: Decorations

I like to bring cuttings and things I've collected on my long walks inside when I can. Origami decorations are pretty accessible and fun to make. I've decorated with handwriting my favorite seasonal poems and putting them up. 7 day candles are fairly cheap to pick up (our Dollar Tree has them) and easy to decorate and serve as a focal point.

Other Tips

Especially if you're celebrating solo, take pictures. It can be tough for holidays to feel like proper occasions when there's not other people to celebrate with but creating memories and reflecting on them afterwards is one of the main joys when I've celebrated solo. Even if you don't share the pictures, having them to look back on really solidify the memories for me. I also like journaling throughout the day for the same reason.

Small splurges add up. Back when I lived in places that actually had bathtubs (I don't know what my family has against bath tubs but there basically are none in this house) - I made a point to take a nice long bath on holidays. Even If just did that, had a nice meal, pulled some cards, and watched themed movie, it really would feel like something special after the fact since I rarely do all of those things together.

Doing something better than doing nothing. Whatever you choose to do counts. Start small and build traditions up year to year.

Example: Lughnasadh

My current plan for Lughnasadh is:

Cook: Lemon Blueberry Bundt Cake

Cook: A dish involving corn, the only local grain-ish I can eat

Spiritual: Tarot Readings

Spiritual: Feed the land spirits (preferably at dusk)

Fun: Long walk

Fun: Board games - specifically some of the ones I have with dice

Fun: (low energy alt) rewatch Tangled and do a puzzle

Donate: Child's Play Charity

Decoration: Cuttings from herbs that have flowered, maybe corn husk dolls or the like.

Conclusion

This is obviously pretty simple on the whole, but you could easily scale up form here - and I have over the years. But this is what I had to start with in order to be able to add in new traditions that I both liked and were manageable.

Hope this gives some folks some ideas. You deserve a nice little holiday even if you're celebrating all alone.

[iovelore]

❝ MORTAL TALES ❞ ( O1 )

summary and word count: a certain fae can’t help but find amusement in the youngest elfhame’s prince‘s frustration. wc — 1493

pairings: the cruel prince!cardan greenbriar x fem!reader

contents and warnings: jealousy, hinting of threesome, mentions of knife (nothing extreme), suggestive content, mutual pining-ish, fluffy?

a/n: i used tcp cardan because i couldn’t see any context of y/n being used in a fic in the other books (i also need it for the next part </3). i tried my best to include the tail bit since it didn‘t come out right, ill add it in either part 2/3. cardan is a bit ooc (i made him a bit idk how to put it besides: sub?man whore. because i believe that’s what he is 😁). and y/n resembles jude just a little bit with the blade thing, but only a little because jude is neither very flirty or open up about her sexuality (more so in the first book) and that’s what i made y/n like.

also, since this was more in y/n’s perspective, next part will be more so cardans <3

Y/N's legs crossed as she leaned her head on locke's shoulder, while Poppy, a half-faerie: who Locke has shown great interest in— for all the wrong reasons — sat before them and told them of the mortal tales her father would recite to her every night or the ones she gathered on her own from her adventures back where the humans lived.

Y/N found them odd: how they all were almost nothing compared to the people here; they were fragile, but she found similar enjoyment in them all nonetheless — and perhaps she had the eldest duarte to blame for her obsession with all things mortal, and Poppy's tales weren't helping either — which has unfortunately gained her the harsh scowls from the youngest prince of Elfhame.

Though that was no surprise. The boy had never been kind enough for her to realise that his treatment towards her was almost cruel — not that it had mattered, because to Y/N it was a show; she knew where his feelings lay, and it was nothing but amusing. To everyone with eye sight as clear as day, he'd never liked her, but when in class, when he believes her to be ignorant of his stare or his wagging tail; she has a classmate whisper every move his body makes, and it fuelled her heart all too much.

"It's not quite normal there, unlike here, if anyone decided to walk around with it they'd get humiliated till they're six feet under," Poppy snorted, covering her mouth with the back of her palms.

Locke turned to stare behind him, catching sight of the prince and Nicasia — both pouting miserably (one much too obvious than the other), and at that, he smiled. "Oh you’re right, tails are quite odd aren’t they? More so on a prince,"

Y/N shrugged at that, "It's alright, I do think Cardan makes it quite, charming? He’s always wagging it around like some...was it a cat you called it?"

"Yes a cat," Poppy shook her head positively, "though don't say that out loud, I doubt he's as clueless on mortal knowledge as we think he is."

Locke hummed, a smirk growing on his lips as he kept his eyes trained on his friend, Y/N following suite of his gaze and sultry grinning at the boy from afar, ignoring Nicasia — causing his eyes to widen momentarily, before the scowl found home on his face once more.

"He's never quite liked you has he?" His words were soft against her ear, his lips landing gently beneath her ear-lobes, kissing it tenderly as he kept his eyes trained on his flaring friend — who if one squinted, could perhaps see smoke escape his ears, if they ignored the immense swinging of his tail.

Y/N smiled, a small amount of malice lacing her intentions, "hatred I'd say, though he doesn't think I'm that foolish does he?"

Poppy, who now stared at her feet, hands tugging the grass with a blush coating her tanned features, "he's looked like he wanted to murder Locke."

Y/N snickered, a sickeningly sweet one at that, as she lowly muttered, "it’s all working then, sweetness."

Later on, when Y/N was left with no one to keep her company — as Locke found himself adorning Poppy and Nicasia's presence, alone — she took notice of the emptiness of Locke's home. It was beautiful, nothing as extravagant as Hollow Hall, yet she found herself admiring the interior all the same.

And as her hands traced the designs etched on the walls, as if it were a reminiscence of her first time staring upon them, a deep, and rather annoyed cough fleed her from her thoughts.

she stayed in position, her back facing Cardan and only gripping the knife resting on her waist, "now what would the prince need at a time like this? Should he not be in his humble abode by now?"

"Should you not be with your lover boy? Or is it that you enjoy using people like he does?" His tone was hostile as he spat his words, however the light softness that rippled around it was evident and Y/N couldn't help her lips tugging upwards.

She turned around, staring at him — where he leaned cooly against one of the walls — with squinted eyes, faux contempt present in her stare, and he shifted in his spot at her gaze.

She swiftly walked, her steps careful as to not trip on her dress. And when she reached him, she, boldly, placed her hands on his chest, dragging it downwards firmly — and his thumping heart beneath his rib cage could be faintly heard from the short proximity between them.

Y/N titled her head when he clenched his fists, but found a smile etching on her lips when his eyes were lightly fluttering. "Do I really threaten you that much that your hatred towards me is the only thing that keeps you going? It's pathetic truly, especially for a prince."

Cardan gulped, mind hazy at the contact and his body was supported by his tail, that was wrapped roughly around one of his legs. He could not utter the next words without stroking her ego, and it was then he'd wished — though he'd never admit out loud — that he were mortal, because he needed to lie if not keep his mouth shut.

More so with her trapping him, her knees coming forward and slightly spreading his legs, so that the entirety of his body leaned upon the wall. And despite him towering over her due to one of her legs bending in-front of the other, he could not move, catching sight of the shiny blade securely placed on her hips and her rigid grasp on them.

She had been around a certain mortal for too long, he thought, and at that his sneer was present again.

Y/N gently bit her tongue to stifle the giggle from escaping her, "what, cat's got your tongue?"

His lips were tightly sealed, and though he already knew the effects she displayed were affecting him, greatly, he refused to acknowledge her — especially that any movement could cause his legs to move slightly forward and brush . . .

She shook her head with a light hearted laugh that had his heart beating just a little bit faster, just a little bit. Her hands releasing the grip she had on her blade, before placing it on his cheek and patting him smoothly.

"You're quite humorous you know, would be a shame if you wasted all that energy on 'hating' me when it could be used for something else, you decide, my prince." she said, her tone sensual and low, before gradually stepping away allowing room (only a small amount at that) for the boy before her to breathe, she let one of her fingers crawl delicately on his hollow cheek bones, that though looked sharp, were as soft as anything could be.

Cardan's eyes widened ever so slightly, now registering her words, "are you flirting with me?" He asked. The space between them now slightly obvious, and he hated it — almost as much as he pretends to loathe her.

Y/N raised her brows, crossing her arms in an unlikely childish manner before nodding, "you're quite oblivious you know? Yes."

"Well," the confirmation enabled a smirk to appear on his face, only to be dismissed by her voice, again.

"Well? Is that all? Because I have things to do, and if my offer does not interest you then I'll gladly leave and find another willing volunteer," she purred, ignoring the way his brows harshly and quickly furrowed, creating a crease, "how about Locke? We are reasonably close, and he does not have a tail — which looks a bit foolish, don't you think?"

He was blushing crimson now, red sparklings littering his pale cheeks, but then his lips curled up — however, he does not look as frighting as he's expecting to be, he knew that, especially with her knees still resting between his thighs (which is all he's trying to drift his mind from at the moment).

"I don't see anything off with it, I've been told it makes one interesting. You've spent too much time with mortals and those alike." Cardan's jaw clenched and his chest was rising a lot more than it was a few minutes before.

Y/N pursed her lips, "Well then, show me how interesting one can get." She leaned forward, her breath fanning atop his lips and he found his own hitching.

His eyes were wandering from her eyes, which he secretly adored, to her lips, and he subconsciously nodded, leaning forward.

Only then, her hands rested on his chest, pushing him away slightly and his head came in contact with the wall yet again, and he had to bite his bottom lips in hopes that she had no idea how much he’d needed her, all of her.

Y/N stepped backwards, finally standing straight. Her hands on her side once more and she gave the prince an alluring smile, "I'll see you later, cardan."

He glared at the spot she had been standing in once she’d left, and he knew that it was a silly game she’s playing.

And what is a game if it involves one player?

[ed-recovery-affirmations]

Hi ! I'm currently trying to recover, and I wanted to ask some questions !

I've been eating a bit better, and lately, whenever Ibfinish eating, I feel very lightheaded, like I'm going to faint. Each Time I eat, just as I finish. Any Idea why ?

Do you think getting in touch with an association of others recovering could be beneficial ? Would being Friend with other recovering people be a good thing ?

I'm scared that if I eat normally, I'll gain more than I weighted before. I accepted going back to my original weight, and I'm someone that's naturally lean and quite sporty, but I'm somehow convinced now that if I'm not in a calorie deficit, I'll just get out of control. However, everyone tells me I'll just get back to my normal state. Before, I ate a lot and not particulary healthy, too. So, Can I trust this ? Or not ?

Thanks for reading !

U⁠^⁠ｪ⁠^⁠U .

So I potentially have some answers for you, but regarding your first question, do keep in mind that I am not a medical professional. If you have any serious concerns for your health in recovery, you should absolutely make every effort to contact a professional who knows more about eating disorder recovery to see if this is a common occurrence.

So it's common for people who've been severely restricting for a long time to have to physically re-adjust to eating normal meals because their body has been forced to run in survival mode for so long without functioning optimally. That means that putting full portions in your belly can be hard on their bodies during this adjustment process. Some people experience feelings of nausea, bloat, or pain after eating even very average portions of mild food. Other symptoms can include feeling extremely cold and shivery after eating, or feeling very low-energy. This is because the healing body is not used to having to divert so much energy to normal digestion, and it would typically be getting that energy from existing surplus calories in the body, which someone might not have if they've been restricting for a long time. (This is why calories are an inherently necessary nutrient!) I think it's possible that your feelings of lightheadedness could be a symptom of this phenomenon as well. Still, if you can talk to your doctor about it, I highly recommend doing so. If your doctor determines that this is a part of your body's adjustment, you may just need to take time, after eating, to sit down with some blankets around you and do only low-key activities so that your body can focus on digesting and getting nutrients.

Anxiety could also be a factor. Lots of times anxiety manifests as physical symptoms, and it's not uncommon for people in ED recovery to feel anxious during or after eating a full meal, especially if they're also experiencing symptoms mentioned above.

In regards to being friends with other people recovering, I absolutely recommend it! It can be really great to have other people around who understand what you're going through, since it can feel very isolating to have such a fraught relationship with food. After all, so much of our social lives revolves around food and food-based events, and people who don't struggle with food simply can't understand. I hope you find the camaraderie you're looking for! A little bit of careful communication might be in order, though, so that you and your friends don't accidentally trigger one another. And sometimes people in active ED may bring each other down, so if your friends relapse, you may have to love them from a bit of a distance just so that you can make sure to prioritize your own healing. This is hard, but you truly cannot pour from an empty cup.

That last one is really hard to answer, because the truth is that extreme dieting does mess up your body and metabolism, and so a lot of people who have restricted end up putting on more weight than they'd originally had, as their bodies were triggered into desperately holding onto more calories. I can't say for sure that this will or will not happen, and that may be scary for you, as a lot of EDs are rooted in the need for feeling in control. But look at it this way - whatever your body does in response to recovery, it is just because it is doing its very best to keep you alive under difficult conditions. It is not a bad body for doing so. It is a body that is trying very hard to stay alive, as bodies are meant to do. A lot of people attach morality to this - I noticed you refer to the possibility of additional weight gain as "getting out of control." One of the hardest parts of ED recovery is learning to protect yourself from messages from society about weight gain as a moral failing. Lots of people gain weight for lots of reasons - hormonal shift during puberty, a pregnancy, bodily response to a separate medical condition- it's part of life and it's normal, and our society's reaction to the loss of youth and change makes it very, very hard to feel that way. Perhaps you will go back to your pre-ED weight, or perhaps there will be some fluctuation, and either way you will have to learn to look at yourself as a success for healing, and not as a failure for not maintaining complete weight stasis all of your life - because honestly, if you live out a long and full life, complete weight stasis may not be in your extended future just as a facet of life, and that would not indicate any failings at all on your part. You could speak to a nutritionist about making sure you get healthy foods, but I would absolutely not recommend you focus on that at this stage in your recovery, as that can trigger patterns of restriction. In fact, a lot of people in ED recovery really can't do any kind of dieting at all because it is such a subtle trigger for worse patterns to resurface. Just remember that ANY food is healthier than starving!

Best of luck! I hope you can enjoy all your favorite foods again and appreciate and love your body wherever it's at!

[drbtinglecannon]

001 with TOH! Or, because that one was predictable, 003 with Lilith 💜

I'm a'ok with predictable haha, I'll do both!

TOH

1. Favorite character:

This is so difficult but I'll have to say it's a tie between Eda & Darius

2. Least favorite character:

Tibbles, other vile chars (Odalia, Kikimora, Terra, Adrian) are at least fun to hate, have good designs, and contribute to good char analyses on why they're like that & the harm their abuses caused. Tibbles is just...a capitalist pig, which is a great pun but he's still boring

3. 5 favorite ships (canon or non-canon):

Raeda, Lumity, Huntlow, Gustholomule, Dariraeda. Or every char x therapy

4. Character I find most attractive:

Darius, Raine, Eda, Camila, & Steve all take turns bearing the title of "most fuckable person in the grocery store". Lilith isn't qualified solely out of respect

5. Character I would marry:

I feel like Camila would be the best choice haha

6. Character I would be best friends with:

I would've loved to have Luz as a friend in HS

7. A random thought:

A headcanon I have is that Eberwolf's a polyphyodont (his teeth continually replace themselves) like a shark. This horrified Darius at first

8. An unpopular opinion:

*sighs* Huntlow is a perfectly cute ship that's still important representation regardless if either char is queer or not, and if it ended up canon it would not ruin the queerness of the show nor would it be "horrible rushed writing". There are clear hints for a romantic angle plus it's been directly paralleled to both Lumity & Caleb/Wittewife, and after everything the show has been through & did for queer rep it's fucking nuts people are this mad over something minor. No one has to like x pairing but it's honestly depressing to see these complaints so often.

Also m/f does not automatically mean "allocishet" nor is it inherently bad, signed a queer person in a straight passing relationship

9. My canon OTP:

Lumity & Raeda are so fucking incredible and both mean so much to me, sometimes I can't believe they're canon

10. My non-canon OTP:

There's a lot of ship questions huh. So here I'll put "Darius Eber Hunter & Flapjack all live together & it's sweet chaos" because I have put a lot of HCs, writing, and energy into thinking about them

11. Most badass character:

Steve convinced a god to not care about godhood during his journey of leaving "faceless minor character status" via quietly quitting a cult. Goals

12. Most epic villain:

Belos is really the only choice, but even further Belos is probably one of the top villains in western animation, guy is unstable yet iconic

13. Pairing I am not a fan of:

Bosh//low & gold//ric were unavoidable for years (2yrs for bw 1yr for eh) it was awful

14. Character I feel the writers screwed up (in one way or another):

I don't wanna say "screwed up" bc despite any gripes I have I love almost every character, but I think Lilith got shafted esp with how prevalent she was at the beginning of S2 before leaving. I know why storylines had to be dropped but I think Lilith suffered a lot more from it than others

15. Favorite friendship:

Gus & Hunter, I had no idea what to expect going into LR and I adore every moment of it & everything that's come since

16. Character I most identify with:

Amity & Eda are both extremely relatable

17. Character I wish I could be:

Eda hands down I wish I was that trash milf criminal

--

Lilith

1. How I feel about this character:

I'm an outlier in that I always loved Lilith, even after S1 first ended and so much of the fandom hated her (for good reason tho). Her friendship with Hooty means so much to me and was so funny to see start

2. Any/all the people I ship romantically with this character:

N/A aroace queen

3. My favorite non-romantic relationship for this character:

The tragedy of her relationship with Eda is just. Ah. It kills. Lifelong damage that she can't ever take back from a moment of weakness caused by the world Belos made, but she was able to lessen the load of it and through that finally starts to really understand & sympathize with her sister and work to rebuild their relationship after decades

4. My unpopular opinion about this character:

I don't think it was bad writing that Luz so easily forgave Lilith at the start of S2, that fits Luz's character so much to think of transgressions against herself so lightly and focus more on the ones against Eda -- but since Eda also easily forgave Lilith bc that also fits her character so much, Luz would follow Eda's lead there. That said I'm gonna write a fic about the hard apology Lilith gave Luz offscreen

5. One thing I wish would happen/had happened with this character in canon:

Apologies to Luz, King, & Eda, the heart-to-heart with Gwen & Dell, the confrontation with Raine about cursing Eda

6. Favorite friendship for this character:

I think so much about how Lilith befriending Hooty is what made everyone else finally start treating Hooty with any respect or kindness

7. My crossover ship:

N/a aroace queen

[topweeklyupdate]

TØP Weekly Update #142: A Formidable Album (5/21/21)

So... how 'bout that album release week?

There's so much to cover; the release of nine new songs, the hype that's building for the World's Best Band to return to the stage, and (if we're able to come up for air) the massive speculation of what the future brings for our band.

I'm gonna get right into it, laying out my thoughts regarding this bold new album and covering all the most notable news from the week. I'll be sharing my (mostly) positive opinions about Scaled and Icy under the Read More line; I hope they're the start of a fun conversation with all of y'all who have stuck around through this last year.

Scaled and Icy Review

First, my general thoughts on the album: It's good! Really good. Do I think it's a no-skip like Vessel or a cohesive piece of art like Trench? Absolutely not! But it's also not the potential misfire that I worried that we might be getting when I first heard "Saturday" (more on that later); I think all of the songs are at least good, and some of them are downright great tracks that hold up with anything else that our band has ever released. It is also indisputably very different, but I think that generally works pretty well. Many of the songs evoke '60s rock or Britpop sounds and structures that you can tell Tyler is still trying to navigate, but I think he does a very solid job at adapting them to suit his strengths- namely his lyricism and knack for melody- rather than change to suit them. Unfortunately, this does result in a bit of square-peg-in-round-hole syndrome at times; most of the rap verses on the album feel like they're here just to fulfill an obligation to fans who would be mad if they weren't here, and most of the songs that use them are the weakest ones in the project.

"Good Day" plays a major role in getting the rest of the album to work as well as it does. Its gradual ramp-up, introducing the sound that will be used throughout the rest of the album. Its playfulness belies its message about how one can project a somewhat false optimism for oneself in the midst of tragedy: the type of dark stuff in a bright package that Tyler is so so good at. It's perhaps not an instant classic, but I am excited to see how it comes across when it's eventually used as a show-opener. 9/10

I've of course already discussed "Shy Away"; an anthemic, inimitably catchy track that I just wish had a bit more going on under the hood. Still going to be so good to hear thousands of voices scream "An 'I LOVE YOU' that isn't words!" someday. 9.5/10

"Choker" definitely took a little bit to grow on me. I think part of that was a bit of disappointment from over-inflated expectations and the environment I was in when I first heard it. With further listens, I fall more and more in love with the melody of the song... well, most of it. Like the rest of this album, the biggest weakness in the song is when Tyler tries to tick the box of having a rap verse; it just feels really out of place, unfinished, and almost amateurish, and it doesn't end the song on the note that it really should. Without it, it'd be one of my favorites on the album; with it, "Choker" is a solid 8.5/10.

Speaking of unfinished-sounding songs really hurt by their rap verse: "The Outside". There's a definite something to the vibe of the song, but that seemingly nonsensical verse is one of the two weakest parts of the entire project for me. The way the song meanders only adds to the feeling that there wasn't as much energy and attention paid to it compared to other parts of the project. It's pretty easily my least favorite track on Scaled and Icy, and the only one I might regularly skip. I've also seen plenty of people saying it's the best song on the album, so please tell me why I'm wrong! 6.5/10

"Saturday", as mentioned above, had me really nervous about this album. Like "Choker", it's grown on me a bit since I first heard it, in part because it fits better with the context of the rest of the album. However, this one really does feel undercooked lyrically and overreliant on the novelty of using a disco-inspired sound that seems to chase trends more than almost any other TØP track. The inclusion of that very sweet audio clip from Jenna boosts the song in some ways, but also adds to the disappointment in others; there are many other songs on this project that would be more worth surrendering time watching Friends. Thankfully, those come next. 7/10

"Never Take It" is fascinating. I never thought I'd hear a Rolling Stones-style song from Tyler Joseph featuring a gd guitar solo of all things, and it actually sounds pretty great. However, I also predict that this song will see some of the greatest critical scrutiny out of all the songs on the album. The lyrics seem to be Tyler's criticism of the media for playing up division in our society, but he's extremely vague when discussing which entities are spreading said division and ultimately recommends that people "educate yourself, but never too much". I'll be honest: maybe it's the fact that it sounds like something my dad would listen to, but it feels like this would get tons of play on Fox News. Since it makes specific reference to the events of last summer, it's hard not to feel like song is at least partially inspired by Tyler's brush with cancellation last year. Maybe I'm reading too deeply into it, but those reservations come from the song's lack of specificity, which is an issue of songwriting more than politics. They hold me back from truly loving a song that still manages to be one of the most exciting the band has ever put out. 8.5/10

"Mulberry Street" seems like the perfect realization of the entire album's intended tone. It is so pleasant, so lush while also simply produced, full of great lyrics, metaphors, and imagery. It really brings the whole project together, even if it's missing That One Line to really move this up to the top tier of the canon. 9.5/10

"Formidable" is the best song on the album and one of two songs I would truly rank in the top tier of the band's canon. Extremely pleasant and brimming with well-crafted lines to make your heart swoon. Jenna (and Rosie) is (are) a lucky gal(s). Or is it about Josh? Who's to say? 10/10

"Bounce Man" is just plain wild. I think Tyler's smuggling someone to Mexico to escape the feds? The playfulness of it all really covers up any frustration I might have with the clarity; it makes it clear that there's not really stakes here, just vibes. 8.5/10

"No Chances" sees the album take a turn that I'm sure the Reddit Clique is going to have an absolute field day with; it and "Redecorate" both sound quite different from the rest of the album and evoke enough elements of Trench to make me think that's it's actually possible that all this 'SAI is Propaganda' stuff might actually have something to it... until I actually pick apart the lyrics, then I'm even more confused. The song has some of the best rapping on the album, though that's not saying much (the feng shui line is a groaner right out the gate) and the gentle pre-chorus is really pleasant. I still haven't made up my mind on whether the chorus is effective or just plain goofy. This one might get worse or better on repeat listens, impossible to say for now. 7.5/10

"Redecorate" rounds out the album by opening with a Clancy quote (Tyler, you bastard), firmly setting this as a coda to Trench more than the album we just listened to. The rest of the song is really storytelling, with Tyler describing a bunch of people who are struggling deeply. The idea of "redecorating" here stands for how they are faced with the option to clean and resort their own spaces and lives or leave that to their loved ones to do after they're gone. By the time it gets to the album's name drop, you begin to wonder how much of this is potential autobiographical of the last year. It's moving stuff, a callback to some of the great strengths of the band's discography. 10/10

If I average those scores all up, this project ranks below almost every album among the Pilots discography on my rating scale, very narrowly edging out Self-Titled. That's still a very solid 8.6. Scaled and Icy is a very good album on first listen. We'll see how I feel about it after having a little more time to sit with it, but I've rambled enough: let's move through the rest of the week's news.

Other News

Of course, there was a lot else going on this week! To accompany the release of "Saturday", Zane Lowe over at Apple Music dropped an interview with Tyler. As usual, Zane did a pretty solid job of getting to the heart of the craft and the creation process. However, Tyler also wound up skirting a lot of the questions to just talk more about how much he loves being a dad, which makes me happy; if the cost of getting a little less attention and mental energy devoted to the music is that little girl getting all of his attention, that's honestly preferable for me.

The album rollout is not even close to over. Later today, the concert will be streamed live. It's our first real performance that we've gotten from the band since 2019, but the previews that we've seen have completely exceeded any of my expectations, and really anything that we've seen from the band. It appears that they've transformed the entire arena (which I think is the ol' Schott at Ohio State) into a whole TØP world, with different sets laden with Easter eggs and a cast of backup dancers. If the website can hold up to the traffic (and I acknowledge that might be a big ask), this could really live up to Tyler's promise of this being the best livestreamed concert ever.

Oh, and this guy dyed his hair pink.

What a time to be a fan. Catch you all tomorrow.

Power to the local dreamer.

|-/

[one-abuse-survivor]

before i start, thank you so much for doing what you do;this blog has given me good advice countless times and i really have to thank you for that.

my issues with my parents are that they don't take me seriously. i can literally go up to them and say: "mom/dad, i think i might be autistic or have ADHD (both would be quite likely) can i get that checked out" and list a bunch of examples why i think that and they'll just be "nah, that can't be, you don't seem like that at all" as of i didn't break my mind over it researching it and talking to people who have it to see if we've had similar experiences just to get some kind of reference as to why i feel the way i feel and why i struggle so much with things that so many other people find so easy.

but then, in the following weeks and months (after talking w them) they just randomly point out things about me that kinda annoy them, like me talking out of turn a LOT or me not looking at people or me having trouble focusing if there isn't also music and a movie going at the same time or mom saying that i seem hyperactive to her because i'm always moving my legs or pacing around or rubbing my hands or drumming on the table with pens. things like that (plus a lot more) were the exact things i was telling them about and they just put it off like it's nothing but as soon as it affects and annoys them it's suddenly very real. at this point i'm struggling to talk to my parents about anything even remotely more serious than generic smalltalk and i'm having a hard time believing myself that my struggles are in fact real and i'm not just making them up.

and also on a less related note; the thing i hate most about my parents: if i'm wearing headphones and couldn't understand what a parent was yelling from somewhere else in the house then it's my fault. but if it's the exact same situation but i'm the one calling and they couldn't hear me, then it's obviously my fault too (i kinda get the first one but srsly how could i not wear headphones when they're constantly arguing with my brother in the room next to mine) (either way if one of the scenarios is clearly my fault, then the other shld be clearly their fault bc that's how logic works)

hhhh, this got quite long. i would love to hear your thoughts about this

a continuation from the other ask about my parents not taking me seriously even when i ask them for help with my hardest problems. that ask didn't really go in the direction i had planned but there is so much going on between my parents and me that i really need to talk to someone about

background: i'm around 15-16 rn and have a brother who's 18. primary school was academically very easy for me (lots and lots of great and even perfect grades) but my brother didn't have it as easy (lots and lots of mediocre and meh grades) so my parents really just kinda let me do my thing while they were constantly busy with my brother. so i got really independant and did all of my stuff on my own bc a) i always had done it that way and b) my parents were already busy and stressed. but after my brother got his first computer and got into video games his grades dropped and my parents started constantly arguing with him and taking away his computer and stuff like that so there was always a lot of tension (and i got to a point where i can't handle people yelling; that's what i was referring to with the headphone thingy at the end of the last ask) i don't know if i can go that far and say that my parents kinda neglected me and my emotional needs in favour of saving my brother grades but that's pretty much the way it feels.

i'm now a sophomore (school works a bit different here but i'm the equivalent of a highschool sophomore afaik, here it's just 10th grade) and starting from about mid 8th grade (end of 2018) i've been struggling a lot with self care and upkeep of my already minimal social circle and academic stuff (i'm at the academically highest level of school you could be at my age without skipping any years) and also mental health.

i got quite depressive and started isolating myself and casting away friends and my grades went down a lot, which really disappointed me because my great grades were kind of my trademark thing. but i didn't feel safe talking to my parents because of the huge distance that we built by me "never" needing their help with stuff.

in that time (almost a year ago, our anniversary is in twenty days or so) i got a girlfriend and i'm hella glad that i can talk to her about everything but i feel like i can't just go dump trauma and parent issues on her forever

about last november or so i was at a pretty low point and was suicidal and that's kind of when i snapped and went to my parents to talk so being cast away and having my issues invalidated really really hurt then and made me spiral even deeper and my gf was the only thing keeping me afloat.

i'm kind of a bit better now but i have rebuilt my view of my parents from "idk we never really interact" to "trying to interact or talk is not worth the energy" and needless to say i don't like them that much

oh and i forgot about all the times i got panic attacks and sensory overloads @ school because there are so many people there (1700 students + 200 teachers) and it's loud everywhere and of course asking my parents for what to do if suddenly everything is too bright and too loud and you can't move or talk because of it didn't get me anywhere (and since i didn't know what it was called or how to describe it properly, i didn't really find any Information online either

and just typing this makes me think of so many more things that they did that aren't okay things to do (a lot of gender identity stuff for example because i'm also neck-deep in that) . but writing this has also helped a lot right now. thank you for being there and listening.

and just in case i'm ever gonna pop back in to say something i'm gonna drop a name for easier identifying

sincerely - 🌌 milky way anon

Hi, nonnie! Thanks for the kind words, I'm really glad my blog has been of help ❤️

I'm sorry your parents are making it hard to believe your struggles are real :( you deserve to be taken seriously and to get access to all the help you might need. Just the fact your symptoms are there and you're noticing them and they're interfering with your daily life is enough to get them checked, regardless of if you need a diagnosis/meds/anything else. No one deserves to live wondering if their struggles are worth discussing with a doctor or professional.

And you're right: if one of those things was your fault, then the other should be theirs, logically. But I don't even think it's "your fault" you didn't hear them because you were wearing headphones, to be honest. I think it's just something that happens from time to time and that doesn't warrant getting mad over; I think it's the kind of thing that simply needs to be talked about so everyone in the household knows how to communicate with everyone else without getting frustrated. It's as easy as saying "hey, whenever I put on headphones I'll just text the family group chat to let you guys know I won't hear you. If you need anything in those moments, just text me instead". I do this with my girlfriend sometimes—if we're wearing headphones and we're in the same room, we simply pat each other when we need something and wait until the other takes off their headphones to talk. It really doesn't have to be an issue where anyone is to blame. You're allowed to take steps to feel safe and comfortable in your house without getting punished for it.

But, of course, this doesn't work if the people around you choose to prioritise "being right" and proving you're wrong over a peaceful and healthy cohabitation, which is what most toxic and abusive people do.

As for your second ask, I would say if it feels like your parents neglected you and your needs because they were always focusing on your brother, then it's okay to say that they did. The fact alone that those feelings are there makes you deserving of talking about it and wanting to heal from it; the cause of those feelings doesn't have to be something major, or sound deeply traumatising when you say it out loud, in order to "count". And people whose emotional needs were consistently met don't feel like they weren't.

I've already shared this video before, but if you want some resources on identifying and healing from emotional neglect, I really recommend watching it. Please bear in mind, though, that the video says it's important to not blame parents for emotionally neglecting you, but I don't think that's the message a lot of people need to hear and I think you should allow yourself to feel angry at your parents for not meeting your needs and causing you trauma. That's pretty much the only thing I'd criticise about the video.

I'm sorry to hear you've been struggling with your grades and mental health lately, nonnie. I had a quite similar experience when I was in high school—I used to always get great grades, but my mental health and trauma put a lot of strain on them (as well as on my social life; I lost a lot of friends in those years) and it was really distressing to see the only thing that made me "worthy" crumble between my fingers like that. I'm still trying to unlearn this idea that your grades define your worth, and it's been really hard.

I'm so sorry your parents weren't there for you when you hit that low 😔 I'm glad your girlfriend could help you stay afloat in that moment, but they absolutely should've been there for you all those times you reached out to them for help with your struggles, and the fact that they didn't is emotionally neglectful of them.

I'm glad you're in a better place now ❤️ I really hope you can find out all the information you need on gender identity and sensory overload and any other issues that might be affecting you. Know that you deserve for your parents to be there for you. You shouldn't have to face any of this on your own, or even with only the support of other people your age. You deserve for them to care. You deserve to have your symptoms checked out. You deserve adult guidance to find resources to help you better understand and manage your struggles.

Sending all my virtual support your way ❤️ and happy belated anniversary to you and your girlfriend!

[natromanxoff]

Queen live at Cumberland County Civic Centre in Portland ME, USA - November 11, 1977

Not only this was the only concert where Sleeping On The Sidewalk was played (although we still have no idea if it was sung by Brian or Freddie) but something else happened as an eyewitness says: "It was the very first time Freddie had the crowd singing to Love Of My Life. I KNOW the crowd I was in that night were singing it at he top of our lungs and I DO remember Freddie looking at us in amazement that we knew all the words and were VERY loud about it."

(x)

Queen have revamped their show quite a bit for this tour promoting their new album, News Of The World. This is the first tour for which they don't bring a support act - their show is longer, running at roughly two hours a night. Visually, they now have a scaled down version of the Earls Court crown as their lighting rig, which was built in Boston.

The album was a return to basics for Queen, as most of the tracks saw very few overdubs. As a result, most of the songs translated well to the stage, and very quickly. We Will Rock You, We Are The Champions, Sheer Heart Attack, Spread Your Wings, Get Down Make Love, and My Melancholy Blues are all heard on this tour, and are most likely performed for the first time tonight. I'm In Love With My Car and Love Of My Life from A Night At The Opera are also heard live for the first time at this show. Roger sings the former as he did on the album.

In a radio interview earlier in the year, he had this to say about singing lead in concert from behind the drums: "In the context of Queen it's not an easy thing to do. I sing a lot from the drums, but to sing lead on stage, the vocalist should be focal point in concert. For the drummer to sing, I think the whole thing loses a lot somehow." Still, they gave I'm In Love With My Car a try, and it would be played nearly every night through 1981. It would never be performed completely. After the "Cars don't talk back; they're just four-wheeled friends now" line, the band would slightly extend the instrumental section of the song before coming to an abrupt end.

Sleeping On The Sidewalk, however, wouldn't fare so well. They played Brian's bluesy News Of The World number early on the tour, with Freddie on the lead vocal, but it was soon dropped after only three performances.

On this tour the show would begin with a tape of the stomp-stomp-clap of the studio version of We Will Rock You being played. A spotlight would appear on Freddie on one side of the stage where he would sing only the first verse and a chorus (with vocals from the record also being heard), after which another spotlight would be on Brian for the climatic guitar solo. They would then leave the stage amidst dry ice to perform a faster, more straight-ahead rock version of the song. This fast version of the song would prove to be a very effective concert opener, and would be played at most shows from now through the end of 1982.

Death On Two Legs has been cut down, and segues into Killer Queen as part of a much longer medley. Good Old Fashioned Lover Boy follows, as it did earlier in the year.

Get Down Make Love would always be performed with the second verse and chorus omitted. The middle section would never be performed the same way twice, featuring Brian May on the E-bow along with a harmonizer pedal, and vocal gymnastics from Freddie, creating new sounds and treading new ground every night. The Millionaire Waltz and You're My Best Friend close the medley through May of next year.

Spread Your Wings would be performed on this tour with a much more aggressive beat by Roger (in double time) during the improv at the end of the song, like the BBC version recorded on October 28. This song, along with It's Late, would rotate in the setlist in autumn 1977, but they would be heard every night in 1978 and in much of 1979.

Love Of My Life would be performed very differently on stage than on the record, with Brian on guitar instead of Freddie on piano, performed a key and a half lower. Over the years it would develop into a number where audiences of all sizes would sing along, as heard on the various live albums and videos. Although few US audiences sang along with the song, a fan who attended this show fondly recalls Freddie's surprise when some audience members were singing along (thanks to Cameron Myers for confirming). By 1979, singalongs and vocal duels between Freddie and the audience became staples of Queen's live set.

Like the A Day At The Races tour, the segment of The Prophet's Song after White Man is a vocal solo by Freddie, but on this tour it leads into a guitar solo. Brian May's solo spots during this period were his most experimental, as he created many unique sounds every night. Unlike every other tour, he was tuned to drop-D (for the segment of The Prophet's Song to come), which was at least partially responsible for making room for that creativity.

On this tour Brian used his E-bow for the first segment of his solo spot. He recalled in 2004: "It was very useful for starting off my long solo at one point. I could make long Whale-like noises by gently moving the device up to a position over a low string. Along with use of the Tremolo to zoom the pitch way down, and the delays I was using at the time, it gave a lot of scope for building up weird textures. I really enjoyed it if the mood was developing well that night. Usually at some point after a couple of minutes I would lob the E-bow in Jobby's direction, and lay into the guitar with a pick instead, going into more rhythmic areas."

At the end of the opera section of Bohemian Rhapsody, Freddie now emerges from a trap door under the stage.

Tie Your Mother Down is now the final song of the set proper, where it would remain through 1982, with a few exceptions.

The punk element of the era made its way into Queen's show, via the high-energy of Sheer Heart Attack. The song's performance would evolve over time, and soon the band, particularly Freddie, would really ham it up. For now only a small portion of the song is performed, and with a giant snare fill from Roger it merges into Jailhouse Rock. Brian May recalled in 2003: "Strangely enough it was Roger who would wince when someone suggested Sheer Heart Attack as an extra encore – it was totally draining for him to keep up that pattern, especially when we got into it and it got more and more extended in our enthusiasm."

We Will Rock You would be played once again near the end of the show on this tour, but this time the band would encourage audience participation - clapping and singing along to a song that would soon become an anthem for the band and rock music as a whole. Only the first verse would be played on the News Of The World tour. The second and third verses would be added for the Jazz tour and beyond.

John Deacon has switched back to his Fender Precision bass, which he'd use through to the end of Queen's touring days.

This is the first tour where Queen are well-off enough to afford their own private plane to travel between cities.

The first photo is from Shepperton Studios in London, where they spent the last week of October rehearsing (note that Freddie is holding the News Of The World inner sleeve, as he's still in the midst of memorizing the lyrics).

Footage of the band running through Good Old Fashioned Lover Boy and The Millionaire Waltz at Shepperton was seen at the "Stormtroopers in Stilettoes" exhibition in London in 2011. The footage, along with some of the dates on the ensuing tour, was filmed by Bob Harris and his Old Grey Whistle Test crew for a documentary intended to be aired in early 1978, but it took over 30 years for any of it to be seen. Other bits of the rehearsal footage were seen in the "American Dream" documentary on the News Of The World box set released in 2017.

The second row of photos are from a 1978 German magazine. This piece in Bravo primarily focused on the Portland show, so the photos may well be from this night.

[undertaleartistshit]

Ao3 link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23186284/chapters/60573760#workskin

Aaand the next chapter of my fanfic is out! Btw, does anyone know how to put it under a cut? Cuz idk how 👀

____________

Chapter 2: Morning Meeting

The loud, repetitive beeping of the alarm shook Ink out of his slumber. He didn't dare open his eyes, his head felt too groggy and hazy to even think about properly waking up, however his alarm didn't fail its job of annoying him awake. Despite having no true emotions and having to rely on bottles of paint to feel, Ink made it day to day acting - almost - like a normal monster. He was happy, sassy, bright, he got annoyed *very* easily, and... he was forgetful. Was that an emotion? Ink didn't know, no one ever told him. No one explained exactly what feelings were to him. Since he FELT forgetful, he just assumed it was a feeling everyone got, just like happiness or sadness or whatever else.

Ink opened his eyes to a ceiling marbled silver and gold and walls filled with papers and ideas, sketches mostly. Color peeked through every few inches, giving the room an incomplete feeling and giving Ink the adequate motivation to get up. He hated incomplete things, hated the way it made his head ache and his spine tingle and his chest tighten. He switched the alarm off, wincing at the bright red colored numbers. 6:30. He slid his legs off the bed onto the hardwood floor, not bothering to make the bed. By his logic he was going to sleep in it again in a few hours and felt no reason to waste time on tidying it. Although it was quite contradictory to his hate of incompletion, Ink just didn't have the energy to care about the bed. It wasn't like magic or a drawing; sometimes it doesn't do what you want it to. Some days the fabric is just wrinkly, for example.

He stood up slowly, careful to not jostle his skull too much, and wove his way through the stacks of notebooks and papers and whatnot, careful not to knock anything over as he made his way to the door, the only think uncovered by paper. He took his sash off of the hanger set off to the side and made his way through the house to the living room. It was empty.

Ink was then hit with the memory of the previous night, realizing his mistake far to late.

Meanwhile, Blue was already awake in his tidy room, silently scribbling away ideas and plans at his large desk. He rarely needed sleep and he considered himself lucky, for the most part. He had only slept 3 hours the night before, but he didn't dare go to the kitchen or turn on any significant light source, in case Dream was awake. Dream was like an older and overprotective sibling, however Blue refrained from considering Dream a brother.

He wrote down idea after idea, answer after question, in beautiful cursive handwriting. He was almost done when a soft alarm went off in his pocket. He took out his rather modern phone, shutting off the buzzing immediately. He sighed softly, looking at the time. 6:30 already. Unlike the other Star Sanses and despite what people thought about Blue, he preferred to keep his phone on a dark setting and color scheme. In fact, most objects in his room where either a soft neutral color or a darker color. His eyes didn't burn that way.

He stood up, putting his pen down and pulling out a sweatshirt to wear instead of a tang top. It reminded him of his battle body. He never put it on anymore. He was pretty sure he burned it or at least tossed it. In the past. He shook his head, pulling the grey article of clothing over his skull and left the room soundlessly. He wasn't in the mood to get snapped at by either of his teammates, and no amount of them saving him could put him in the mood for that.

He stopped before going into the living room, taking a second to stop and self reflect. He was still riled up from being kidnapped just two days ago, plus last night's argument between Dream and Ink, and he needed some time to calm himself. He couldn't go into battle like this or even simply have a civilized discussion without his survival instincts kicking in. He had to tell Ink and Dream about it but he had no idea how the two would react. He wanted to put it off but if something happened than he would have no choice. Despite this, he decided to wait.

Blue casually strolled into the room, sitting down besides Ink on the couch, who seemed to be just... blah. "Mornin' Blue," Ink mumbled with a sour biting tone. "Good morning, Ink. Did you sleep well?" Blue inquired softly, keeping his naturally attention seeking voice low. Ink let out a 'hmpf', and let his head flop backwards. "I got sleep but there was no quality to it, if you understand what I mean." Blue didn't quite know what he meant, but he nodded believably anyways.

Dream suddenly walked into the room with a bright and happy pace. "Up and at 'em you two! We have things to do today." Ink groaned rather dramatically, and Blue sighed in frustration. Blue was generally a bright and happy person, but... today he was just so out of it. He was recovering, for Christ's sake. He wasn't happy about being kidnapped at all, and he had a lot on his mind lately.

But, being him, Blue reflected a bit on what the other two are dealing with. First off, they were immortal GODS who needed to protect and help the millions of AUs out in their Multiverse at any cost. That was already almost a good enough reason to spare them a lecture. And Blue could see why having an active mortal ally would be stressful to deal with, especially when going up against the Dark Sanses, who are by far the most dangerous beings out there. The two Gods had to watch their FRIEND get manhandled and get beaten within an inch of his life every single time they went out to fight. It must be hard on them. But Blue had to really wonder for a second. If they cared so much about him, why would they leave him to get kidnapped? The way it happened was quite stereotypical.

Before Blue could start becoming self conflicted, and start another argument within himself, a screeching ringing startled the three skeletons out of any security and peace they'd found in the last few minutes. Dream flinched harshly and wiped his head to the side and glared at the telephone with an intensity that could slice diamond. Blue had a deep blue bone club materialized in his hand in an instant, his stance tense and ready to strike at a moment's notice. Ink had his paintbrush in hand, his eyes already red, pointed and alert, his body language radiating an aura that could startle the most conditioned soldier.

But it was just a telephone call. After a few moments of just sitting there staring daggers and curses into the poor phone, Blue huffed and flopped back down on the couch with a soft thud and dissipated his club. Ink relaxed soon after, not dismissing his brush yet, and Dream grabbed the phone swiftly, not wasting another second. "Hello?... Uh, yes, we have plenty of time... Yes, we're all here toge..." Dream trailed off and his eyesockets widened, a glimmer of happiness dancing across his face. Blue and Ink looked curiously at their teammate, the two sensing either mischief or pure and utter relief and joy coming their way. Or maybe both.

"OHMYGOSHYESI'LLTELLTHEMASAP" Dream blurted, looking at Blue and Ink with a stupid wide grin. "Core found a lot of useful information about the concert thing. They said that they are actually pretty proud of their work!!" Ink cocked a bone brow in confusion and spoke with a cautious tone. "It's great they found that but... what do you mean that they're 'actually proud'? Core loves all the things that they help with."

Blue looked at the two skeletons with a tired glance. "Nevermind that Ink, make a portal already," Dream snapped and quivered with excitement. Ink rolled his eyes and and stood up with his brush, making a portal to Core. Core took a step into the room with a stack of notebooks, binders, and papers and smiled politely. "Nice to see you all again. I have some useful info."

The Star Sanses all smiled softly, except Dream, who was practically vibrating with pure euphoria. "Please sit down on the couch, Core!" Dream grinned as he ushered the monochrome seer to the couch. Dream wedged his way between Ink and Blue, hissing at the latter quietly to scoot. He patted the remaining space besides him for Core, who smiled brightly and laid their stuff out on the empty coffee table in front of them.

Blue blinked a bit, listening as Core started to explain and habitually ignoring Dream's rude gesture. It wasn't a full on conversation, so it was somewhat easier for Blue to follow. Everyone settled in, patiently listening. "So," Core began.

"I have gathered some information about the concert, and although it isn't much to go off of, it's enough to give an idea about how... well, in honesty how thought out this entire event is. First off, general stuff. The place is set in an empty AU, titled "\\\\\tale" and has 3 fixated portal ports, presumably for crowd control. It is accessible by every AU, which may be a problem with culture clash and whatnot. And the date and time is pretty straightforward, maybe they rely on people to translate timezones? We may need to do our part in sending out important points to others if that's the case. The music selection will mostly consist of EDM, house, alternative rock, electro, and remixes of all sorts of other things. Any more info is in these files here."

Ink interrupted quickly. "Uh, I've never heard of \\\\\tale. What is it?" Core hummed for a second, than reached towards a binder, flipping through organized pages filled with notes and a greyscale color spectrum. After a while, Core ran their finger across a line or two, their lips moving ever so slightly in sync. "Oh, it's just an empty copy. Nothing dangero-"

Ink coughed, and pushed away from the three on the couch, and puked putred black ink all over the light colored carpet. Blue made a somewhat frustrated, somewhat skeptical grunting sound, and raced to the closest closet to grab cleaning supplies before the ink stained the carpet. Well, badly, anyways. Dream rushed over to Ink, holding him up a bit while Core sped off to the kitchen with a pitiful "oh dear".

Core scurried back to the living room with a rag and a glass of water in tow. Blue waited until Ink was safely seated on the couch before he began cleaning the carpet vigorously, spraying anti-stain detergent onto the pale flooring, and not holding back with scrubbing. This almost reminded him of the honey-stained floors of his bro's... Blue resisted the urge to knock on his head to erase those past-thoughts out.

Ink rubbed his head, mumbling a soft apology. "Uh..." Ink started slowly. "What were we talking about again..?" Blue sighed, and muttered quiet annoyed curses to himself. Before anyone else could react, Ink glared at Blue, albeit hazily, and he growled defensively. "What's *your* problem..?" Blue glanced up at Ink with a blank expression. "Ink, I'm sorry, but the last few days have been a bit hard on me, and you and Dream as well. I didn't want to deal with your... uh... condition, so to speak on top of everything else."

Ink paused, his facial expression unreadable. Then, slowly but surely, it twisted into confusion. "What the heck happened? And you mean the puking thing right?" Blue sighed and inquired with a gentle but firm tone, balancing between patient and angry, "Do you remember ANYTHING about the concert?" Ink's eyes narrowed in suspicious perplexity, and he shook his head. Blue huffed, picking the cleaning supplies back up and placing them back where they belonged.

Dream sighed softly, putting his hand on the back of his fellow immortal. "Ink, I'll fill you in on what happened." Blue sat down in his spot, Core sitting down next to the former. Ink stared at Blue for a second, as Blue stared at nothingness with an exhausted expression. "Blue...?" Dream asked after noticing his teammates vacant air. Blue looked at the people on the couch with him, and slowly voiced his concern. "We need to work on Ink's memory." Ink looked somewhat offended, but before Blue could elaborate his reasoning, Ink blurted out in outrage.

"Yeah, you think I haven't tried?! I've tried taking notes, sending it on my phone, using connections to things or whatever!" Blue blinked at the outburst, surprised Ink got furious about such a thing. He wasn't exactly a self conscious person... maybe feelings from the fight with Dream last night were putting pressure on his already poor self control. "Well, uh... maybe there's something we haven't tried yet..?" Blue suggested. Blue felt rather helpless. Maybe he should have waited until Ink was filled in on the situation before pointing out the age-old nuisance that plagued his mind.

Ink scoffed, averting his eyes from Blue, with a shaky hiss. "Even if there were alternatives... I don't want to hear them right now. I. Don't. Care." Blue stiffened at the tone, that phrase always seemed to bring back memories after all. He took a deep breath, and-

"Ink, please calm yourself!" Dream begged. Blue blinked and nodded in agreement. "Please?" Ink glared at Blue and Dream. An eternity of silence and harsh tension passed. There was only hostility and anger in Ink's gaze. He was truly offended that Blue thought that it was an easy thing to fix.

Blue was... not in a good mindset. He wanted to smack Ink for not using his brain, he felt like crying or screaming. He wanted to snap at the others for not prioritizing such a huge problem that really needed to be fixed. He was so frustrated and stressed, and he was just so overwhelmed. He was sad and hurt that Ink turned on him so fast as well.

Dream and Core sat helplessly as Ink continued with his rant. "You know what? NO!" he screamed at Blue, grabbing his upper arm with a steely death grip. Dream gasped, reaching out to Ink to make him stop, but Ink pushed him back down. "Dude what the-" Blue panicked. It was too familiar. Too close. Too parental.

Core sat uselessly on the couch. They were worried out of their mind, as well as Dream, but they simply didn't know any of the skeletons, besides Ink, to do anything for them in the situation. If they said something, they were truly worried about the repercussions that would stem from Ink later on.

Blue struggled to get away from the Protector's angry grasp, his mind tittering between pure panic and a sense of normalcy. Ink dragged Blue to a back room. Dream sprinted after the two other skeletons before jumping and holding Ink in place. He could sense that all Ink wanted to do was to hurt Blue, and it made Dream *sick*. Blue released himself from Ink, running to his room before he had the chance to get caught again.

"ALL I WANTED TO TO WAS TALK TO HIM IN A SEPARATE ROOM!" Ink screamed at Dream and he tried to struggle out of his companion's grip. Dream held on tighter and said in a calming voice. "No, you didn't. You wanted to hurt him all because he wanted to get rid of your memory problem. He didn't know it would offend you." Ink still struggled, although too a much lesser degree. "C-c'mon Dream! That was a horrible time to bring it up though! Give me some credit here!" Dream squeezed tighter. "You don't deserve credit here, Inky. Calm down, please." Ink stopped struggling, and began to melt into the tight grip. "I... I'm so sorry..." he whispered. "You need to apologize to Blue, not me. But I forgive you anyways! And, uh, give Blue a minute to cool off before talking. He's probably really mad." Dream released his hug, and looked at Ink as Ink smiled. "Ok.."

The two walked back to the living room where Core was sitting. Dream was beginning to shake as he sat down on the couch, and Core noticed. "Dream..?" Core asked fearfully. "I'm fi... fine..." The sentence started out confident, but then Dream shivered and collapsed on Ink, who was beside him. Ink flinched, as he started to panic as well. "Uh??" Ink's confused voice rasped. "Oh. Uh. Dream probably passed out because of the abundance of negative emotions," Core commented calmly. "It would make sense after all."

Ink nodded, getting up after shrugging Dream off of his side onto the couch so that he was laying where Ink was formerly sitting. Core got off of the couch, lifting Dream's legs up and helped Ink shift Dream's unconscious form into a seemingly comfortable position. A blanket was draped over Dream, and the Guardian of Positivity's golden crown was removed and placed on the table.

Meanwhile, Blue laid on his bed, experiencing one of the worst panic attacks he's ever had. He was in the past, and the present and future paid him no mind.

~~~[]~~~

Hate, worry, apprehension, fear, anxiety, panic, frustration, anger, nervousness, sadness, and betrayal.

Nightmare's single resting eye opened from his slumber. He took a deep breath, relieved at the singular negative emotions coming from an unknown source. He stood from his simple bed, leaving and walking towards the kitchen, where his fa-... minions were eating breakfast.

"Mornin' Boss!" Cross grinned. "Good morning everyone," Nightmare greeted, walking to the coffee machine, by which Horror was leaning on the counter, his singular eyesight fixated on the filling pot. "What's gotten you up so early?" Horror inquired, slowly. He was never a quick speaker, and the gang respected that. "You're one to talk," Killer snickered. Everyone responded with various levels of laughter and chuckles. "Well," Nightmare began. "I woke up because there was a huge influx of negative emotions from some random unknown place. And I have a feeling that if we go there, we can really fuck up whoever has those feeling, y'know?"

Dust grinned creepily. "Soo you're saying this isn't a slaughter, but a torture?" Nightmare chuckled, "That's one way of putting it. I have the coordinates so we can go right after breakfast. I've never seen code like it before though, we should be careful." All the Sanses agreed, as they began to cook and sip on their preferred drinks.

Little do they know...

[punkscowardschampions]

Savannah & Jac

Savannah: [sends her like a voice memo of a scottish lad talking because she said she likes the accent] Savannah: I found one! Jac: You must've 👀 high and low Jac: I swear I've only met the poshest English kids tonight Savannah: they're like 🦄✨ Savannah: aren't you happy? 😊 I want you to be happy Jac: I'm happy Jac: hungry though, there was not enough food Jac: are you happy? Savannah: if you are, of course I am Jac: I want you to be too Jac: I don't know if I said it Jac: but I'm sorry, for all the time you weren't Savannah: you don't need to, I can tell you're sorry Savannah: even if that makes me feel sad Jac: You don't have to be sad Jac: I'm only sorry about things I should be Savannah: you shouldn't have to feel bad about it any more Savannah: that's not what I want Jac: What do you want? Jac: 🦄✨ allowed Savannah: 🌷 🌹 🌺 🌸 🌼 🌻 Savannah: happy you, like when we first met Savannah: 🌞💛 Jac: Okay Jac: I'll try really hard Jac: I think I can be that here Jac: 🤞 Savannah: I hope so Savannah: I almost didn't come Jac: 👢👗? Jac: Why? Savannah: no, here Savannah: like I almost took a gap year Jac: I'm glad you're here Jac: really glad Savannah: I thought you'd be really upset Savannah: you blocked me Jac: I know Jac: I had to, at the time Jac: it was a solid 70% for myself but I was kinda a mess in that time Jac: I didn't need the opportunity to drunk text you or, god knows what Savannah: would that have been the worst thing ever? Jac: I probably wouldn't have been very nice Jac: upset, like you said Jac: it didn't seem fair, to take that out on you Savannah: I wasn't very nice to you when we last spoke, so I think it's fair Jac: You had some valid points Jac: it was bad timing Jac: you leaving, made it seem more hurtful, you know Savannah: did I? I don't know Savannah: but there's a lot of reasons I shouldn't have left Savannah: I'm sorry for them all Jac: It was so long ago, not to say I don't remember, that would be a pointless lie Jac: this will sound weird and I don't wanna upset you Jac: but when I was talking to my brother about meeting you again, he said, about your mum Jac: I'm really, really sorry, that I didn't know Jac: that I didn't check in on her, or on you and Jac: yeah Savannah: of course he knows Savannah: literally nothing escapes the coffee shop gossip grapevine Jac: it's how he writes such #relatable lyrics, I guess Savannah: there does need to be more songs about divorce, I guess Jac: no one talks enough about how rough it can be, on the kids and the people going through it Jac: nothing after the happily ever after Savannah: she did, I just wasn't listening Jac: when you aren't meant to take sides, but you also are Jac: that's Jac: you were in a really impossible position Jac: they were still your parents, both of them, no matter what went down Savannah: I thought it was all her, being so impossible, so EXTRA, until I lived with him too Jac: Have you been talking more now? Jac: It's never too late Jac: she clearly loves you and Sienna like mad Savannah: It almost was too late Savannah: but we're trying Jac: That must've been so scary Savannah: even when it was happening I was awful to her Savannah: like anyone would go that far for attention Savannah: I didn't learn anything from Isabelle, clearly Jac: You seem like you have Jac: give yourself some credit Jac: you deserve it Savannah: I can't ever make up for what I did to my mum or you or Is Jac: Well, you can forgive yourself for me, seriously Jac: I can't give you that for them Jac: but I know you being a better person and putting your energy into that as opposed to guilt, will not hurt either of them, anyone Jac: and it'll make you feel much better too, in the long run Savannah: you're so nice Savannah: the best person Jac: I'm really not Jac: but you should know that Jac: and I mean it Savannah: well, you are to me Jac: Sav Savannah: you don't believe that I mean it, do you? Jac: I believe you're that nice too Savannah: you're so important Jac: You're special Jac: you know Savannah: I know that you're too special to lose for a second time Jac: That doesn't have to happen Jac: I still want to go on this adventure with you Savannah: me too Jac: Then that's settled Savannah: that makes me feel so happy Savannah: I've really missed you Jac: That's what I'd write on your cast Savannah: would you? 🥰 Jac: Yeah Jac: now you don't have to break any bones to hear it though Savannah: That's probably for the best Jac: You've already got a top rep Savannah: Do you think so? Jac: Yes Jac: you're the prettiest fresher Savannah: No way! You're here Jac: 😊 Jac: I'll happily take 🥈 Savannah: but you seriously deserve 🥇 & you have to take that Jac: You can be my champion and I'll be yours Jac: how's that? Savannah: 😊 okay Jac: what did you think Jac: our first social event Savannah: I didn't meet any 🤴🏾🤴🏼🤴🏿🤴🏻 I think that means I'm supposed to be utterly devastated Jac: just distant relatives with no chin Savannah: 😄 Jac: there were some American girls 😭 in the bathroom over the same thing Savannah: of course there were Jac: neighbours? 😏 Savannah: I swear to god, every girl in my halls is Jac: they had the 🍾🥂 flowing at least, so that's one perk Savannah: 🙌 Savannah: but tomorrow it might not feel like one Jac: the 🥪 are apparently a decent hangover cure Savannah: oh good Savannah: because I don't have anyone to take care of me 😢 Jac: do you miss him? Savannah: no Jac: just having someone ready with the aspirin and OJ? Savannah: I wish someone was there to hold me, but it's fine, because my bed is SO small anyway Jac: I think we'll feel less alone when we settle Jac: I almost did a room share but Jac: casual bit of ptsd Savannah: Oh my god! you do not need to put yourself through that again, baby girl Jac: I'm glad I didn't Jac: could get a total Delia roommate Savannah: 😬 Savannah: how do you think her orientation week is going? Jac: I hope she's found her own group of show-offy tryhards Jac: I told you, so changed, so 👼 Jac: 😂 Savannah: you were always an 👼🏻 Savannah: but that's one of the things I hope doesn't change so I'm glad you're embracing it Jac: The only thing Jac: or Savannah: I said one of Jac: don't mind me, that time of the night where I desperately need validation or something 🥳 🥴 Savannah: I want to be someone who gives you what you need Jac: You just really like 💗 🌷 🌺 🌸 💗 Savannah: yes, but you look good in any colour Savannah: being BEYOND beautiful has it's advantages Jac: says you Jac: you look so knockout tonight Savannah: oh you've unblocked me 🥰 Jac: Imagine the absolute rudeness if I hadn't Savannah: I did say whatever you need Jac: I wanna see you Savannah: [a pic that's probably blurry af because she drunk but hello] Jac: [sends a 👋 one back 'cos adorable nerd] Savannah: 🥺 Jac: Your eyes are like that constantly Jac: it's like a superpower Savannah: You have way more power than I do Savannah: making me get 🦋🧡🦋🧡🦋🧡🦋🧡🦋🧡🦋🧡 Jac: If I had real power, it'd be tomorrow night so I can see you again Savannah: If I did, you'd be my roommate so I could always see you Jac: 🥺 Savannah: I totally took for granted how often I used to wake up next to you Jac: and double beds Jac: we can still have sleepovers now Jac: I can deal with the floor Savannah: if you're sleeping on the floor, I am too Jac: ❤ Jac: we can pool ALL our blankets, it'll be cosy Savannah: 🤗 Savannah: You have to stay over tomorrow! Jac: That'd be perfect, after our psych night Savannah: ^^^ because I have to share you with them all Jac: So far, you're definitely my favourite 😉 Savannah: everyone already LOVES you though & I have to tell myself Savannah 🚦 ⛔️ 🚫 ‼️ so I'm not like I loved her first Jac: you're going to be campus 👸🏾 though Jac: no 🤴🏾 necessary Jac: you're ✨ Savannah: 👸🏾✨👸🏻 me & you together Jac: Deal Savannah: Do you like anyone though? Jac: Like like wanna be friends or like like 😍? Savannah: well, I obviously meant as friends but of course you have to tell me if you're falling harder than that Savannah: I believe in the power of first impressions & love at first sight Jac: I'm not 😍 over anyone new Jac: not just 'cos my eyes are 🥴 rn Jac: I wanna get along with the people on our course, and I'm hopeful about it though Savannah: Awh baby, you need someone to take care of you too Savannah: at least wellies are easy to take off, unlike our 👗 Jac: like any man knows how to take off a bra Savannah: 😄 SO true Savannah: I always have to do it myself Jac: Me too Jac: but by choice, I guess Savannah: I'd allow it if they offered to take my makeup off instead, especially tonight Savannah: it's going to take forever Jac: being BEYOND beautiful has it's disadvantages too Savannah: 😴 Jac: Honey Savannah: Sligo's nightlife has done nothing to prepare me for St Andrews, HUGE shock, I know Jac: You're adorable Jac: and you'll still glow even if you wake up in last night's mascara Savannah: aren't you sleepy? Jac: I'm pure adrenaline and caffeine still Savannah: Oh okay, I remember now Savannah: how you are Jac: Haven't kicked those bad habits quite yet, soz Savannah: It's another reason why he reminded me of you Savannah: there's so many actually Jac: Is that as bad a thing as it sounds? Savannah: You're perfect, how could it be bad if he's even slightly like you? Jac: I guess because he's your ex, so if I'm even slightly like him Jac: I don't wanna be a painful reminder, like Savannah: I'm over it & even if I wasn't, he's my ex because of all the ways he's different to you Jac: Good Jac: I don't want you to want someone who doesn't want you as much as you deserve Savannah: this is exactly what I mean Savannah: you're so much kinder than him Savannah: or anyone Jac: I just care about you Savannah: I love you Jac: It's been forever since you said that Savannah: 😢 I hate that Savannah: I don't want it to feel like forever Jac: now you've resaid it, so it doesn't Savannah: I thought about you every day Jac: I thought about you so much Jac: what you were doing, how you were Jac: if you missed me too Savannah: ^^^ Savannah: literally ALWAYS during school I'd be wondering how my JJ was, especially during exams because, of course, you'd have the answers Savannah: but there'd be something I wanted to tell you or show you most of the time Savannah: it was definitely my most painful break up so far Jac: I should've been braver Jac: stayed in touch Jac: for both of us Savannah: No, you had to protect yourself because I was being a bad friend & I didn't protect you Jac: We were both bad friends, to Is Jac: I think it was our karma Jac: instant Savannah: you're right Savannah: it already wasn't fair to her that I just wanted you to myself, I should've been kinder about it Jac: it's what I wanted too Jac: it felt like just one too many ways to split my attention Jac: if I didn't want to, I should've at least been honest with her about it Savannah: but honesty is hard with someone like Isabelle Savannah: particularly if you know it'll hurt her Jac: exactly Jac: and even if it made sense to me, was what we wanted Jac: to actually have to explain it to someone else Jac: it seemed impossible, no excuse but Savannah: ^^^ Savannah: It was kind of a relief to have so many other things going wrong in Sligo, so I didn't have to explain what being without you felt like Savannah: Milo would NOT have understood any of it Jac: Tyler didn't, either Jac: I talked to him, like one time after Jac: disastrously drunk, obviously but I remember Savannah: oh no Savannah: I tried to ignore the fact that you'd still have to see him Savannah: it's still funny to me though, you're the only person who calls him that Jac: I'm the only one allowed a monosyllabic name, Tyler 🤷 Jac: it was shit, for a while, long while Jac: seeing them all Jac: but I was alright Savannah: 😄 your name is cuter anyway Savannah: but I'm so sorry Jac: No offense, but your exes names REALLY suit them Jac: 🤓 Savannah: 🤭 Jac: was the new one smart? Jac: Tyler wasn't, really Savannah: academically, yes Savannah: I avoided basketball players like Ty for obvious reasons Jac: no point repeating mistakes Jac: more fun to make new, better ones, every time Savannah: but I did keep checking on him, literally until he got that new girlfriend, please don't judge me Jac: he was your first love Jac: that's to be expected Savannah: are they still together? Jac: I honestly have no idea Jac: I was so focused on school by the end Jac: they were for ages though, like you guys Savannah: I hope he's really happy, with her or not Jac: I'll look for you, when I'm not at risk of a double-tap Jac: doesn't deserve my ❤ Savannah: no boy does Jac: it's unlikely Savannah: you and Cillian did look perfect together though 👼🏻 Jac: It wasn't a real thing Savannah: he wasn't so impressive up close? 😔 Jac: just not for me Savannah: was there anyone else for you? Jac: Nah Savannah: 😢 Jac: Don't be Jac: I wasn't Savannah: of course, you never were Savannah: they're just boys Jac: I don't like boys Savannah: I wish I didn't Savannah: they can be so disappointing Jac: my condolences Savannah: 😄 Savannah: maybe it's me, I am a high maintenance girl Savannah: it can be a lot to ask of them Jac: it's not you Jac: you're a good girlfriend Savannah: you always used to tell me that Savannah: more than they EVER did Jac: See Jac: it's them, not you Savannah: Or it's you Jac: Maybe Jac: it can be both of us Savannah: 😊 Jac: you want to get brunch tomorrow Jac: to plan and stuff Savannah: Yes! Savannah: I'll be 🥱 though so you have to promise to still love me Jac: Of course Jac: how could I not Savannah: can I tell you something? a secret Jac: go on Jac: 👀👂 Savannah: okay, I'm nervous Jac: I'm never going to judge you Jac: or tell anyone Savannah: I just want tomorrow to go well, you know? Jac: I feel the same Jac: first impressions, proper impressions Jac: but I know everyone is going to love you, so I'm not worried for you Savannah: don't be worried for you Jac: it's the only fresh start I've had Jac: I don't wanna fuck that up Savannah: you couldn't Savannah: I told you, everyone already loves you so much that I'm jealous Jac: You're just protective Jac: I love that about you Savannah: I love you & I don't ever want you to get hurt again Jac: You're very sweet and very drunk Jac: not to mention 🥱 Jac: are you ready for bed yet? Savannah: 🥺 I 🥺 still 🥺 need 🥺 to 🥺 take 🥺 my 🥺 makeup 🥺 off 🥺 Jac: Hold on then Savannah: are you sending me the energy? Jac: No, but I'm coming to do it Savannah: oh my god Savannah: seriously? Jac: I told you your 🥺 are your superpower Jac: I'll be about, 15, I think? Savannah: you're a superhero Savannah: & actually saving my life Jac: saving your pores, anyway Savannah: I won't get royal attention otherwise Savannah: my glow is very important Jac: You don't need to convince me Jac: wellies are back on Savannah: you do make them look good somehow Jac: can't take the country out of the girl Savannah: that's not true of like half of Sligo though Savannah: Milo had a posher voice than me Jac: You can see it Jac: in their faces Savannah: You don't think he was pretty? Jac: Not really Jac: not ugly, obviously Savannah: 😄 he'd be BEYOND offended Jac: as was Tyler 🤷 Savannah: is that what you talked about? Jac: it came up Jac: it was more of an argument than a chat though Savannah: he better NOT have been mean to you because I will break the mutual silence between he & I Jac: nah, it was all fair Jac: and I was drunk enough it was mutual Savannah: I still don't like it Savannah: how dare he Jac: I definitely started it Jac: another not my finest hour moment Savannah: he didn't have to retaliate Jac: it was really soon after you left Jac: we were all a mess, right Savannah: 😔😢 Savannah: I think I'm still a mess Jac: Not for long Jac: cleanser incoming Savannah: ✨ Jac: we're going to make this fresh start work Savannah: of course Savannah: I can do it with you Jac: ❤ Savannah: we can make anything work now Jac: I believe that Jac: I believe you Savannah: my nerves are gone Jac: Good Savannah: will you stay? Jac: I could Jac: if you don't mind Savannah: I'll mind more if you don't Savannah: please 🥺 please 🥺 please 🥺 Jac: You're going to kill me Savannah: I would never Jac: Not on purpose Savannah: I just don't want to miss you any more Jac: I know Jac: I want what you want Savannah: I need you back Savannah: forever this time Jac: [I better let you get there before you say anything more] Savannah: [when you're BUZZING to see your bae like it's been a thousand years] Jac: [so blushy] Savannah: [that's adorable and she'd be making it known how cute she looks and is] Jac: [just trying to busy finding the relevant skin care like oh hush you but not mad, obvs] Savannah: [good luck babe because she is too drunk and distracted to help you] Jac: [just like what is life/is this happening still lowkey] Savannah: [I dread to think how much gay and extra this is gonna get, god bless] Jac: [just like sit down babe] Savannah: [for this moment of intimacy and ridiculous closeness] Jac: [try (and fail) not to swoon with how hard you have to look at her rn] Savannah: [thank god her eyes are closed for some of the time to get all that mascara etc off] Jac: [have a secret moment] Savannah: [you need it cos she's gonna be smiling at you the whole time because happy and because it obviously feels nice] Jac: [just boop her nose when you're done 'cos don't even know what to say] Savannah: [a cute lol to kill you more gal] Jac: [when you left before she said sleepover so I hope you've changed into something you can sleep in but you might've not yet lmao] Savannah: [you can wear her clothes lbr you're that coupley already] Jac: [we all know it, just have a debrief of your nights in detail ladies] Savannah: [slag off all those posh lads] Jac: [it would've been such a culture shock Savannah: [yeah exactly and a reason for Savannah to be as drunk as she is because who do you know girl] Jac: [everyone is terrified freshers, that's the tea] Savannah: [mhmmm stick together ladies] Jac: [and you shall we all see it lol] Savannah: [the levels of gay are so strong in you both] Jac: [and will have all your classes together it's not even a different course moment] Savannah: [literally and all the same clubs etc we know you're into all the same things] Jac: [like you're forgiven for thinking you're fated 'cos well] Savannah: [it's hilarious that you weren't intense besties before you were tbh] Jac: [truly how] Savannah: [the world was not ready] Jac: [speaking of, did marianne ever have friends, she lived there her whole life, hmm] Savannah: [I think it was supposed to be no but like surely when she was younger she would've] Jac: [been alone forever, that's so sad] Savannah: [I think that was meant to be the vibe cos like her fam, you wouldn't want to have friends over, honey I relate] Jac: [mhmm, there are those kids I suppose but no wonder she was so fucked up, also this has nothing to do with this lol] Savannah: [it's so sad] Jac: [but also y'all don't have enough blankets for the floor so enjoy that single bed life] Savannah: [your parents would be proud babe] Jac: [is there anything we wanna say or do or have we covered the vibe?] Savannah: [I think we're probably good because the vibe clearly is that she falls asleep and Jac is left to die because not tired just like when your parents were fake dating except they were both suffering] Jac: [👍]