#they're British unfortunately
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I always think the idea of a mute Runner Five has so much potential to be hilarious.
Like, imagine: Five has been in Abel for ten years, part of the family, surrounded by people who now know them better than they know themselves. Certain members of Abel can read their body language like a book, they know what ever facial expression means, they can tell when they're lying or when they're trying to mask their feelings. Often, especially in an argument, they can predict what Five's going to say (sign) before they even raise their hands to do so.
And yet nobody has ever heard their voice or has any idea what accent they might have.
Then one day, after somehow finding their birth certificate on Rofflenet, Sam bursts into their room like "YOU'RE GERMAN?!"
Five is just like " :D ja!" and leaves Sam doubting everything he's ever knew about them.
#this isn't canon for my five#tragically#they're British unfortunately#but Sam would be shooketh#entire worldview would be shattered#zr#zombies run#runner five#runner 5#sam yao#abel township
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Confession #191
#rwby#infoglitch#I liked that video lol#hbomberguy#youtube#This reminds me of Kpop fans actually#Like yeah it's understandable that they're on the fence because they constantly get shit on for this thing they really like and hold dear#unfortunately there's no conversation to be had when people assume you're bad faith from the start for having less than positive tone#I know im such a fake fan I don't hold RWBY that dear to me lol#also perhaps the British humour just doesn't translate well ?#he obviously isn't telling anyone to stop watching the show or saying it should get cancelled
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*sees a long post from an American comparing Cardassia to the USSR/China* *rolls eyes and keeps scrolling*
#cipher talk#It's not that I think those are bad comparisons#It's that I don't trust white American liberals to make them and when yall do it tends to leave a bad taste in my mouth#Kinda veers into orientalism (and yes this is a factor in how Americans and Western Europe views Russia for shitty reasons)#As well as a weird fascination combined with loathing towards leftists that's just gross to be around#I don't even especially like the USSR or some of China's policies post revolution#Including the tendency some people have toward Han supremacy#But Cardassia is a Mish mash of whatever is scary to white progressive men in the 90s#And includes inspiration from the Ottoman British and Japanese empires as well as the Nazis who were Not Communists#So primarily analyzing Cardassia as a communist nation really is just. Foolish? Because they're also compared to fascists#Especially because we don't ACTUALLY know anything about Cardassian economics or much detail about politics#We know they venerate the family (which rings true for Chinese Japanese and Ottoman comparisons)#We know they have a military led ruling class that tries to balance with the Detapa council; military ruling class is not really like#A communist thing it's a dictatorship/authoritarian/fascist thing. A lot of African countries have or had those#Almost none of us are 'communist' in a meaningful way. At best Nasser was a socialist and that's not the same#And you can infer there's classism even from alpha Canon as well as food insecurity#If anything I think a pretty pressing comparison to Cardassia as a whole is they're Turks.#And even that is vague and stretches a bit because they weren't DESIGNED with that much intention#They were designed to be scary and not with a specific ideology and economic policy#If they were designed with such specifics by a politically informed person you would NOT have references to the Nazis alongside references#To communism because those two things are actually the opposite economic/political policy#And the ways they commit atrocities such as genocide or extend neocolonial influence aren't the same!#China for example has a VERY different stance to the US when it does that to the point where many Africans vastly prefer#To deal with Chinese companies because there's a material benefit from it even though Africans are often not getting a good deal#This doesn't make those dealings 'good' but it goes to show how just having a political history recently rooted in communism#Impacts how a government approaches things#Any government unfortunately is capable of genocide colonialism and imperialism. Resistance to those things is not simple.
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I can't believe Nigel Farage has officially become an MP, for fucks sake
#at the very least first past the post limited reform gains to only 4 seats#so it's like they'll probably have very little tangible impact on policy#but it's possible that they'll unfortunately have huge ideological impact#because now they actually have a few elected mps their voice and platform looks somewhat more legitimate#and we've already seen how nigel farage has dragged overton's window to the right when he's outside of parliament#and because the tories lost so massively they're going to have to have a major realigning#and so farage and the reform party are probably going to continue impacting a lot of british politics unfortunately#and it's probable that they'll impact the Tories realignment and we'll see a further lurch to the right from the Tories#uk politics#darkeyedghost
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i fear i am endlessly predictable (writing new dps au which is once again fantasy with Arthurian elements)
#it's an au of the dark is rising sequence by susan cooper#(which is to say it's based mostly off of over sea under stone and the dark is rising - with hints of the grey king running through)#and also to say that really i just wanted to write an homage to a very specific genre of british children's fantasy fiction#that i grew up reading voraciously + which shaped my proclivities and tastes for literature extensively. the little white horse au also#matched this but unfortunately that one is creeping towards the unfinished wips every day#not to get into an abundance of tags but this au revolves around: todd + charlie + meeks as kids and friends on holiday together#and going on a quest to find the grail. which gets sidetracked by keating (charlie's mysterious magical great-uncle) and also#todd gaining supernatural abilities far beyond those a thirteen-year-old boy can reckon with. rip. you know how it is#i think i was just really interested in the way cooper writes will stanton he has such a brilliant. canniness to him#which i suppose is the point after he becomes an old one. anyway! enough waffling in tags!#tristan writes#dps#dead poets society#dps fandom#dps fanfiction#dead poets society fanfiction#no anderperry because they're all kids so no romantic relationships per se (other than in that teenager way -#and also they have like. the world to save and evil to defeat lol)#but neil is here and supernatural and also fun to write. there's a certain cadence#and i like leaning into a more ominous side of him especially when he's so young in this au it's really funny#strangely ethereal looking thirteen-year-old child tells you in his prepubescent voice that the Dark shall reclaim the Light in a#fierce and savage hunt known to history but the likes of which the huntsman has never seen over rushing water.#and you just kind of have to sit there and deal with that#SORRY THESE TAGS GOT VERY LONG I REALLY LIKE THIS AU
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dude i hold the circumcision guys so closely in my heart that was just such a fun moment they had on day one and it's literally stuck with me for so long. like goddamn to me i feel like charlie slimecicle's day one vod shaped how i view the qsmp as a whole bc he honestly was down with the spirit from minute one, he was just fucking elated, it was him, his half remembered high school spanish, and a google translate window against the world. like i just. like i hold that vod so closely. god. i'm going to explode.
#also i'm going back to purgatory vods gksjxjfksjhd#qsmp#there is a pipeline with me and it always goes 'i miss qsmp' -> straight back to purgatory#shut up vic#block game brainrot#also now that we're alone...... the vod was also a favorite for a different reason#towards the third quarter of the vod slime jaiden and the british man are basically doing a building podcast#where they're chatting about things like language and their skill or lack thereof#and that was once among my favorite parts of the vod (although not the server) just bc of the conversation#unfortunately the british guy did have some insights abt languages and learning that i kinda agree with#and so it was nice to hear them chat and nod along cause. to me that's some of my favorite stuff#just hearing people chat. that's why that stream where bad foolish and quackity were helping with copacabana was another fav of mine#bc it was them chatting and getting to know each other; it was really interesting#and is also why i like purgatory; being constantly in call while grinding gives opportunities for shit like the breast milk#idk i'm just fascinated by people. i like seeing how people think#anyway this was a tangent idk what i'm saying#i guess the moral of the story is I Miss QSMP
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making a linocut and i got so excited about it that i just had to show y'all before cutting a single thing lol.
#having so many chosen family feels lately... i'm doing really well and i just really love my neighbours and my friends!!!!!#yes i will spell it the british way forever#sketch#linocut#lino carving#also yes my phone camera has an unfortunate case of “i'm so old and so bad all the pictures i take look like they're from 2011” disease#it's incurable
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unfortunately i can't share anything wales related without it being as down the middle as you can possibly get. while there are politicians that demand wales get involved (as some say 'international affairs are outside of the welsh governments remit.') those politicians are demanding hamas recognise the state of israel in order to for gaza to be given aid. so.
#palestine#wales has a long history with israel and palestine#so im not surprised they're acting this way#there were many welsh soldiers stationed in palestine#and wales is unfortunately deep into english brainwashing and has been for a very long time now#despite how the general public fucking hate the english lol#scotland isn't as bad but#don't count on the british
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Why are so many people putting like 'No drivers license' on so many of those oddly specific polls? Guys, idk about you but a drivers license didn't magically spawn into my hands the minute I turned 17 / whatever the legal age to start driving is in your area is. That isn't weird or something that is out of place, that is a pretty big chunk of the population
#Maybe it's a comulation of America being so car-centric and impossible to live with a car#And the fact that Americans on the Internet forget that they're not the only people that exist#That is a generalisation obvs not applying to every American ever wahhg#But as someone who is unfortunately British. I don't really want to learn to drive ever and my environment allows for that#Public transport is decent enough. I can get to most places I need to go without a vehicle.#I'm not an oddity for not having a drivers license :sob:#Weird rant sorry sjsjsjs#Android.txt#Unless this is some weird tumblr injoke I've managed to miss#Which it very well could be
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hey writers we have to talk.
if you've read any romance or fanfic in the past twenty years (i know you have), you know that there are a certain number of scents associated with hot dudes. you can probably recite the list of Things Men in Fic smell like in your sleep: leather, black pepper, pine, sandalwood, "something uniquely him", clean sweat, and if the character has ever fucking been within 50 yards of a firearm, something called "cordite".
here's the thing.
NO ONE SMELLS LIKE CORDITE.
cordite was a highly specific type of smokeless gunpowder developed in the 1890s by england specifically and used mostly in wwi.
if your good-smelling guy is not (a) english (b) using a very specific type of british rifle (c) dying in a trench in flanders, he does not smell like cordite. technically even if he does meet all those conditions he still doesn't smell like cordite because he smells like trenchfoot.
the point is, cordite is so far from universal that no one but the most hardcore gun nerds give a single shit about it. making your Sexy Hero smell like cordite is like naming a cassette-only bootleg live recording from the 1970s as your favorite grateful dead album. everyone at the party hates you immediately and knows you're doing it for clout. also, it's just factually... wrong. please stop. i know everyone else is doing it, but you can do the right thing here, i believe in you.
so what do people who are using guns smell like?
well if your story is set before the late 1880s, the smell of a fired gun is black powder, which, unfortunately, smells like seventeen flatulent cows have been shoved in a tire factory. trust me, you do not want your Hot Dude to smell like black powder. it's b a d.
if your story is set after the late 1880s, guns are using some variety of modern 'smokeless' powder - which speaking broadly doesn't really have a ton of scent when used. it does have some, but it's sort of non-descript: the best way i can describe it is the sweet, ozone, hot-plate smell of popping your car hood with a warm engine.
people who use guns a lot don't smell like fired guns all the time anyway, so while those scents might work in a fight scene, they're not realistic all the time. but there are some things that your Sexy Shootist will smell like basically 24/7 and that's metal and gun oil. metal you can go and sniff (i recommend non-stainless steel), but if you want a reference, most gun oils have a sharp, organic smell that's not dissimilar to canola oil but muskier and with a tang overtop. it's not unlikely leather is in the mix as well due to routine handling of leather equipment and gear. modern gear also tends to have a certain smell although it varies by production country and storage conditions - lots of opportunities there.
in conclusion: gunslingers and hired killers and military folks can be sexy and smell great on page, but i am begging you not to say "cordite" when you mean "gunpowder" ever again. we can do this. we are writers and therefore pedants. i believe in us!
#i will kiss the first romance writer who makes their MMC smell like cosmoline on the mouth#(actually don't cosmoline smells fucking awful)#firearms#romance novels#fanfic#meta#writing reference#also if anyone has a hypothesis about WHY cordite took off i would love to hear it#historical firearms#nb4 the gun nerds show up yes this post does contain sweeping generalizations about the history of gunpowder
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summer christmas II a.russo
third little christmas fic installment! summer christmas II a.russo
"less, you're being a little bit dramatic." you chuckled, laid on the bed watching your girlfriend rifle through her suitcase grumbling and mumbling under her breath. "i am not! this is just wrong, its all wrong." the english woman shook her head with a huff as you merely smiled in amusement.
"baby you're just hot and bothered, you'll adjust in a few days! you've barely been here twenty four hours." you assured, pulling yourself to sit against your headboard and crossing your legs underneath you.
"exactly, and in that twenty four hours i've slept for about two of them!" the normally soft spoken blonde snapped, yanking a red bikini out of her bag and tossing it into the ever growing piles of clothes on the floor beside her.
"that's just the jetlag babe. it was the same when you came here last time, unfortunately the flight and the time differences don't change lessi, i tried speaking to someone about it but apparently mere mortals can't change geographical lines and locations." you teased gently with a grin, perfectly manicured eyebrows furrowing together in a scowl sent your way shortly after.
"it wasn't anywhere near this hot when we were here in august, i'm going to melt!" the girl groaned, kicking her case closed and flopping down backwards on the end of the bed, face buried in her hands.
"thats because again its summer right now less. i also spoke with mother nature but she won't drop the temperature, turns out she's nearly as stubborn as you." you sighed sarcastically, laying down so your head was near hers as she rolled onto her side.
"you are not cute." the blonde warned as you winked, poking her nose as she smacked your hands away and rolled onto her back again.
"this is like opposite day on repeat! its supposed to be freezing cold and you wear hundreds of layers and drink hot chocolate and get cosy and have a fire and chop down a tree an-" your british girlfriend rattled off her regular traditions, ticking them off with her fingers.
"we can still do that stuff! well maybe not all of it, but we can watch christmas movies and go look at lights and have iced chocolates! we can take my nieces to the carols in the park, we can also go to the beach everyday and out on my brothers boat and we can stay out later because the sun doesn't set till after nine, and my mum got us all matching pyjamas! they're just...summer ones." you tried to assure, moving onto your stomach and looking down at her with a few encouraging nods.
"but its not the same! i've never had a hot christmas, all of its just wrong." alessia moaned, arms covering her face as you deflated a little and wriggled back to sit up, fiddling with your fingers in your lap for a second as doubts began to swirl around in your head at her words.
the two of you played at arsenal together and quickly clicked when alessia transferred, having met at a few social events the last couple of years you'd been in england and gotten close with some of your english teammates who'd gone above and beyond to make you feel welcome.
it helped having steph and caitlin around, and then now kyra, plus the rest of your matildas teammates scattered throughout london whom you regularly made efforts to catch up.
you and alessia had only been seeing one another for about a year and a half now but if you asked anyone who'd spent time with you during that period they'd tease you acted as if it had been much much longer.
last year you'd spent your first christmas in england with the russo family, finally having a reason not to go home which as much as it broke your mums heart she was overjoyed you'd met someone, bonus being it someone as kind and thoughtful as alessia was.
but this year you'd promised to come home for christmas, not having much of a chance to see your family all season between the olympics, international games, league games and champions leagues matches that had kept you more than busy the last twelve months.
you'd not expected your girlfriend to come with you, the two of you more than accustomed now to having to spend time apart playing for different countries. but when alessia teasingly floated the idea over dinner, feigning offence you hadn't asked her, it had all blossomed from there and now here she was.
you were much more used to the long haul flight home than the blonde was though, having done it dozens of times over the years for international commitments among the league games in england.
you'd come home pretty much the very day your break started, just under a week earlier than alessia to allow her to spend a little bit of the december break with her own family before she flew herself to australia.
but ever since you'd picked her up from the airport yesterday you could tell she was rather miserable.
there'd been turbulence and two screaming babies on the flight despite the fact the striker had flown business, which meant she'd not slept anywhere near as much as planned, and adjusting to the time difference hadn't been kind.
so slowly those doubts that you'd made a wrong choice asking her here grew louder and louder, until you just had to say something or else it felt as it you might burst.
"do you wish you'd stayed in england?" you asked quietly, attempts to mask the insecurity in your voice null and void as your girlfriend shot up, guilt written clear all over her face which sank as it caught the obvious nerves in your features that she regretted her choice to come home with you for the holidays during break.
"what? baby no of course not. i'm so excited to finally meet your whole family and spend time with them and with you, i'm so sorry for being so negative. i'm just tired and grumpy but that is not at all fair to take out on you." the blondes hands moved to settle either side of your face, bright blue eyes scanning yours as you gave a small nod, clearly not believing her.
"oh my love, really i am excited! we're going to do all that stuff you just said and i want to learn about your traditions and what you like doing for christmas. a summer christmas is just new for me thats all! but new things aren't bad things." alessia pushed, thumbs stroking your jawline and feeling the obvious tension in your body drop just a little at her words.
"less are you sure? it wouldn't be easy but we can find a flight back for you before christmas eve." you questioned, the taller girl nodding enthusiastically and leaning in to press her lips sweetly against yours a few times.
"more than sure, there's no need for that at all. this is no different to when you stayed in england with me and had a winter christmas last year, and you were nothing but cheerful and sweet and lovely the entire time." the blonde promised with another nod, stealing a few more kisses as the corners of your mouth upturned a little.
"mm theres that smile, welcome back." the striker grinned happily, a laugh finally leaving you as she practically tackled you back to the bed, moving on top of you as her hair fell around the pair of you like a curtain.
"i wasn't the one with the smiling problem russo." you poked her as she winced sheepishly. "i know. but from now on, i will embrace these new experiences with open arms!" the english woman announced, laying down on top of you and kissing all over your face.
"i'm happy to hear that." "yeah? i'm happy to say it." "good, because its thirty two degrees outside right now and the air cons only in the living room." you scrunched your nose up as the blonde faltered, taking a deep breath and exhaling.
"thats fine! i'm fine. lets just go to the beach!"
~
it turns out you and your girlfriend clearly had different expectations of what open arms and a beach day meant, as alessia lay on the beach recharging herself in the sun and you'd spent the entire time begging she get in the water with you.
"lessi come on! what happened to being open to new experiences?" you groaned, stealing her sunglasses and slipping them over your nose as she squinted up at you, sheltering her eyes with her hand.
"give!" the blonde demanded, making grabby hands as you shook your head and shuffled back on your knees. "swim!" you countered, smacking her thigh gently as she sighed heavily.
"swimming in december feels illegal." "not going in the water when you're at the beach is illegal." "babe the waves are huge, i'll get...what did you call it again?" "mm, dumped? we're not going surfing alessia!" you laughed, pushing her hand away where she reached for her sunglasses back again.
"but tanning feels so nice!" the blonde whined, arms covering her face. "you'll have plenty of time to get sunburnt like a little lobster baby, i promise." you cooed sarcastically, your girlfriend shoving you and finally sitting up on her towel.
"that was one time." "lessi its every time, you refuse to wear sunscreen!" "sun cream, and because it feels...sticky." "well does crying about how much it hurts to shower and peeling off your burnt skin feel better?" you countered quickly, the striker opening and closing her mouth.
"come on!" you hopped up to your feet, holding out your hand toward her and wiggling your fingers impatiently. "you know your persistence is incredibly irritating." alessia gave in, grabbing your hand as you pulled her up to stand.
"and here you used to find it endearing." you teased, the blondes hand smacking against your ass as you blushed and pushed her. "theres families here!" you warned as the girl smiled, simply shrugging and interlocking her fingers with yours as you tossed her sunglasses onto her towel and lead her down to the waters edge.
"how do you get in without being smashed by the waves?" her grip on you tightened as another set came rolling in. "timing. you see how the waves all crash here? thats the breaking point, once the last wave crashed you move past that, and then you just duck dive under the big ones until you get out the back!" you explained, the english woman staring on clueless as you laughed.
"come on, on three we run into the water. one, two..." again her grip on your hand tightened but she nodded none the less. "go!" you raced off but felt her hand slip out of yours, glancing back as alessia shook her head and remained rooted in position.
"how is it thirty five degrees and the water is freezing cold?" the striker scoffed having stepped one foot in and recoiled immediately as you grinned at her from the shallows.
"i swear babe if you say something about mother nature when i get out there i'll drown you!" the blonde warned seriously as you held up your hands, glancing over your shoulder.
"okay now, go baby!" you encouraged, waving for her to run to you, a moments hesitation passing before she gingerly waded in, wincing every few steps until finally she'd made it past the break point, the water barely up to her hips.
"jesus christ i'm going to get hypothermia!" the older girl wrapped her arms around herself with a shiver making you roll your eyes. "but i'm the dramatic one?" you questioned in disbelief. "no not dramatic baby, sensitive." the girl patted your cheek condescendingly with a pout as you narrowed your eyes at her.
"dickhead." you poked her with a shake of your head. "do you want to know a secret to adjusting to the water faster?" you asked as your girlfriend nodded eagerly.
"well its quite simple, you just get your head wet!" you grinned and before the taller girl could blink you'd barreled into her, sending her toppling over into the water as she surfaced with a gasp.
"oh you're dead." you squealed as you were tugged down into the water with her, plunged in head first before you popped back up with a cough, having swallowed a lungful of water in the purpose.
"hey you said snowball fights was a big thing in england?" you questioned, the two of you moving into water a little deeper as alessia nodded. "well we can do that too." you promised as the girl looked at you clearly confused.
"how? theres no snow." "no, but there is sand!" you grinned, smacking a handful of wet sand from the ocean floor into her hair as she gasped.
"are you fucking kidding-" "wave! duck!" you interrupted, grabbing her by the arm and pulling the pair of you under, tugging her out to swim even deeper past where the waves started and you could relax a little more.
"it was a joke!" you laughed as your girlfriend launched at you once you did, latching onto you and forcing your head back underwater with a grunt, the two of you wrestling in the water before you yelled for a truce.
"maybe this isn't so bad." the blonde admitted, swimming up behind you, arms circling your waist and her chin making a home on your shoulder as the pair of you stared back toward the beach, the water now calm and bright turquoise, sparkling where it was hit with the sun.
"thank you for agreeing to come." you turned your head, capturing her lips in hers with a soft smile. "thank you for asking me to come." alessia squeezed you appreciatively before you both turned back to your people watching.
"are they playing...cricket?" your girlfriend asked in bewilderment watching a young family race back and forth across the sand. "yeah! beach cricket, an aussie classic. but not surpassed by backyard cricket, which you'll get to experience on christmas day." you explained as the blonde hummed curiously.
"really?" "yeah! we have a tournament every year with the whole family even my nan and pop, between lunch and presents." "so we do christmas lunch, not dinner, right?"
you nodded, answering a few more questions about what the next few days had lined up for the pair of you, stopping your explanation of why santa was left a beer and not milk when familiar lips started to trail across your neck.
"you're going to get us in trouble if you leave a mark russo." you chuckled in warning, relaxing in her hold as the striker merely hummed, your eyes closing as your face was bathed in sunshine and soft kisses were peppered down your jaw.
"well your mums already made it very clear that i have permission." you groaned at that, pushing her away and pulling a face. "well you've ruined the mood with that haven't you." you huffed, starting to wander back in until fingers hooked into the sides of your bikini bottoms and tugged you backwards.
"i'm sorry! i've just never met a woman who took such healthy interest in her daughters sex life." alessia teased, your response swallowed with her mouth pressing to yours with a cheeky grin.
"its not funny! its humiliating she has no boundaries and we're stuck with her for the next week." you groaned, head resting against her shoulder as the girls thumbs traced circles against your hips, the two of you staying in your childhood home where everyone would be gathering for the holidays.
"baby its not that bad. she's just very...progressive! and supportive." "you know i think if you were a boy she'd have left condoms on the side table and the book of karma sutra on the bed."
~
"santa came get up get up get up!" you groggily lifted your head feeling three little bodies jump up and down on top of you, alessia stirring next to you with a tired exhale.
"are you awake yet? wake up!" one of your nieces shouted in your ear as you tiredly lifted a hand and made a thumbs up, the three young girls belonging to your older brother taking that as a yes and jumping down, racing off to wake up the rest of the family.
you exhaled tiredly, dragging your hands down your face and jolting as your door swung open again. "hope no ones naked! merry christmas girls, up we get!" your mum sung out, flinging open your blinds as you groaned.
"jesus christ mum come on!" your cheeks flushed red at her brash words feeling alessias body vibrate with a small chuckle beside you as the woman shrugged, flicking on your light and striding on out again.
"i think i'm adopted." you grumbled, rolling over and burying your face in your girlfriends shoulder. "well thats quite the wake up." the brit rasped out with another chuckle, hand rubbing up and down your back soothingly.
"merry christmas less." you pulled back and rested your head on your pillow again, bright blue eyes and a tired smile staring back at you. "merry christmas love." she repeated, pecking your lips quickly given neither of you had brushed your teeth yet.
"get up!" you both winced as a hand smacked against the wood of your door, your brother flipping you off in the doorway as you rolled your eyes and forced yourself up into a sitting position, alessia rubbing her eyes and exhaling, face still puffy with sleep.
"how is it already hot?" the english woman groaned in disbelief, the two of you sleeping under a thin sheet and even then barely able to touch one another bar a bit of hand holding when you were dozing off due to the thick humidity of your childhood bedroom.
"welcome to your first summer christmas." you laughed, running a hand through her hair as she hummed, the two of you gradually getting out of bed and already hearing the commotion of your family downstairs.
"mum no photos! its seven in the fucking morning." you groaned, wincing at the obvious click of her phone camera shoved in your face as you and alessia stumbled into the kitchen.
"oi you watch your fucking mouth!" your dad chimed in with a point making your girlfriend laugh and your eyes roll as the pair of you followed everyone into the living room.
"look look! this ones for me!" your eldest niece gasped, all three of them already riffling through the mountain of presents as you sent her an encouraging smile and collapsed onto the corner of the sofa.
alessia took a seat beside you as you slung one of your legs over hers, the pair of you exhaling in relief at the air con blasting right above you and wishing a merry christmas the rest of your family who were lounging around the room, your dad taking charge to handing out presents.
"oh thank you!" your girlfriend smiled appreciatively as he handed the pair of you one each, labeled from santa which you knew meant they were from your mum which was what you whispered in the blondes ear who chuckled and squeezed your knee.
though as you began to unwrap yours you realized very quickly you may have been a little too quick with your excitement, catching the word 'dental dams' on the side of the box and stuffing it down the side of the sofa before anyone else could see.
"oh my god mum!" "what? santa just wants you to be safe darling!"
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felix catton x fem!reader
| he falls hard for you
📎 tags : fluff, female reader, felix being older than you by a year, fanon of felix bc i’m such a bad writer guys, bad orthography, (my first post…), felix being a fucking cutie patootie, (y/n) not mentioned
📎 words count : oof idk but not a lot 💀🔥🔥🔥😜😜😜
📎 author's note : this is my first post (so first story), don’t hesitate to comment to help me to progress! english isn’t my first language, idk if felix is fanon but i tried my best to write him like i how i see him
felix was a charming, flirty, wealthy and captivating man. everyone loved him. everyone wanted to be around him. it exhausted him. people just wouldn't leave him alone. especially the girls. but he didn’t care about them, you were the exception.
you've only known felix for 6 months, but that hasn't stopped you from liking each other's personalities —and physiques. you're a new student from california studying at oxford, and the handsome british guy hasn't stopped coming to see you to find out more about you.
it all started with a laugh he heard in the hallway. a cute one he thought. and that's how he first saw you.
"hello?" you called loudly when you noticed eyes on you.
the sunlight illuminated felix perfectly as he met your gaze. you were just too cute. your doe eyes watching him while scanning him up and down due to his height.
"hey sorry- ive never seen you here before, are you new?" he asked.
as you were telling your friend to wait for you, an other guy appeared besides the stranger.
"felix where the fuck have you been mate??" a man with curly hair said.
"dude i’m busy let’s talk later" felix replied.
"hey sor-"
and you were gone.
felix didn’t even catch your name and it disappointed him. he likes to meet new people, even more when they’re cute like you.
a month passed after this rather short meeting. as you were revising in the library, a voice called out to you.
"oh hey arent you the new student?"
felix. you heard about him, only good thingd though. you’ve met him but his — pretty face, made you speechless. you felt shy in front of him. now there you are, sitting like an idiot and saying nothing. gosh.
"oh — uhmm hey!" you relied a bit nervously.
"hey! sorry i think we'd met before but hadn't talked more" he said.
"yes i remember." you introduced yourself and smiled.
"i’m felix catton nice to meet you as well" he smiled in turn.
"yeahh i heard about you, felix" you smirked and closed your book.
"oh yeah? i hope you've heard good things about me haha" he said.
"mmhh who knows?" you teased him.
while there was a small blank, he glimpsed your book.
"wait aint no way you’re reading harry potter?!" he said, trying to whisper as much as possible so as not to disturb the other students.
"way. i really like reading books. they're better than movies. and this is not the first time that i’m reading it." you replied.
"it’s my favorite book and it feels good to meet someone who thinks the same about it." he said with a big smile on his face.
it was getting late and you had to get back to your dorm to phone your best friend, who unfortunately wasn't at the same university as you. you exchanged phone numbers and then left.
one day.
one fucking day.
you two were apart for only a day. he sent you the first message and you answered them. he couldn't stop thinking about your smile, your eyes and your voice. it was the same for you.
even though you'd only been messaging each other for 2 weeks, he asked you if you wanted to go out somewhere. of course, you agreed and offered to go for a coffee to take a break from studying.
you put on a beautiful white summer dress that showed off your body.
‘i hope i’m not overdoing it...’ you thought.
03:17PM
"i’m so sorry for being late—…" you whispered to the man with a glass of soda against his lips, letting him know you were tired and done with the conversation. your eyes sparkling with joy, your lips curling up into a gleeful smile when you locked eyes with the person you had been craving to see all evening. he hadn't missed one night, not a single one. he was right on time. right there to stay with you, make you feel comfortable, talk to you all night.
you'd laugh, he'd watch.
he'd talk, you'd listen.
"no no don’t wo—" as he turned to answer you, he was stunned by your beauty.
his eyes wandered up and down your face. you noticed him and smiled at him.
‘i hate the way you make me feel — my chest begin to tighten when my eyes lock onto yours, yet i find it merely impossible to look away.’
#felix catton x reader#felix catton#felix catton x y/n#saltburn#saltburn x reader#felix catton x fem! reader#fluff#felix catton fluff#fanfic#jacob elordi x reader#jacob elordi#one shot
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Photo-spoiler free PEOPLE article
wonderful article by the amazing Raven Brunner, but it unfortunately includes extremely cute photos of dnp on stage and in their stage outfits. So here's the spoiler free version for all you hardcore spoiler-fighters
Dan Howell and Phil Lester Say Seeing Fans on Tour Now That They're 'Older and Bit Gayer' Has Felt 'Radical and Freeing' (Exclusive)
Dan Howell and Phil Lester are currently one month into the North American leg of their tour Terrible Influence and PEOPLE has an exclusive first look
By Raven Brunner | Published on November 1, 2024 11:00AM EDT
Dan Howell and Phil Lester are cruising through the United States!
The two British YouTubers are currently one month into the North American leg of their third joint tour Terrible Influence – and PEOPLE has an exclusive first look.
The duo will continue with stops in Chicago, Toronto, New York City, Nashville and more, before bringing their show to Australia in December.
"Being able to see our audience in real life, now that we're all older ... and we're a bit gayer, feels so radical and freeing," Dan and Phil said in a statement shared with PEOPLE. "We've had so many people joke [that] this tour has felt 'healing' and to see people from all different walks of life feel like they are welcome at our tour makes us so happy."
They added, "Getting to perform a new show that contains so many spicy personal and professional revelations is a thrill. It's truly a DGAF new era and to see people hollering at some of the controversial moments and shedding a tear at the end makes it feel so good every night."
When it comes to traveling the states, the two continued, "The U.S.A. is so huge, we can't believe driving across the middle takes so long. From Texas and the midwest to the upcoming east coast leg - our propaganda is spreading across the nation and we're so happy to be here saving democracy, one brainwashed viewer at a time."
The show sees Dan and Phil on tour together for the first time since their 2018 hiatus from their shared YouTube channel DanandPhilGAMES, during which they both came out as gay and grew their personal brands. During this time, Dan wrote the #1 New York Times bestselling mental health book You Will Get Through This Night and embarked on a solo comedy tour We’re All Doomed, while Phil continued to grow his own YouTube channel AmazingPhil.
In an exclusive interview with PEOPLE ahead of their arrival in the U.S., the two – who have been on YouTube together for over 15 years – spoke about the reactions to their first few shows as they began their tour in September with a stop in Belgium.
"We have had so many funny memes and reactions to it," Phil, 37, told us at the time. "Seeing the buzz on social media the first night we did the show, because no one knew anything about it or what it was going to be, was just a reminder of how hilarious our audience is.”
Dan, 33, added that the show is helping people come to terms with their past and also their future.
"It has also been amazing seeing all the different kinds of people that come to the show because we have had people that are like, 'I’m old now and identify as a real person' – not someone that spends all their time on YouTube," he said. "All these people have grown up and gone on so many different journeys in the direction of their lives, and yet it feels like they all got to come together and feel like they were welcomed."
Dan continued, "They all got to laugh and feel like they could have some weight taken off their shoulders for who we were, for who they used to be [and] for how scared they should feel about the future. The fact that everyone’s left feeling invigorated about themselves for what the next chapters of their lives could be, I think we are really proud of that."
The new territory of the show also poses new "danger," as Dan said.
Phil has experienced two accidents while working on the show, the first of which occurred during a rehearsal and resulted in a broken rib. Then he fell off the stage during a tour stop in Sweden, after which he wrote on social media, "people think ‘phil is going to fall off the stage’ is an old joke until i actually fall off the stage."
"We joke about this,” Dan explained. “People are like, 'Dan and Phil need to stop exaggerating.' But you don’t even know the extent to which we don’t tell people half the stuff Phil has done."
"I need to be wrapped in bubble wrap at all times," Phil agreed, before adding, "To be fair, it is very dark on the stage. I thought I was leaning over the edge. There was no edge. I did a very stylish barrel roll off the front of the stage and thankfully it wasn’t very high."
He continued, "But the rib was another thing. I won't say much because it'd be a spoiler, but we were rehearsing a very active part of the show and I bent myself in a way I should not have bent myself."
Beyond the challenging physical aspects of the show, Dan noted that the specific scene also includes an emotional element where they are "jokingly being quite confrontational about a lot of things that would have, in the past, been considered sensitive topics – whether it is about us and our audience, or just like people on social media and what this culture is."
As for what the duo enjoys most about touring the United States, Dan quickly noted that "Phil is looking forward to sugar."
"Yeah, I have a sugar issue,” Phil confirmed. "Everything in the U.S. has more sugar in it. So that’s always quite exciting. The pancake stack I am going to get as soon as I arrive in America is going to be legendary."
Dan added, “You’ll find that’s essential. If someone wants a free selfie with Phil, just turn up to the local IHOP at 2 a.m. and see Phil just going, 'More maple syrup.'"
The two shared a story from their 2018 tour Interactive Introverts where their bus broke down "in the middle of Texas" and the only place nearby was a Denny’s. "So we ended up going there having a Breakfast Slam at like 3 a.m. I was like, 'I think I get American culture,' " Dan explained.
"This is it. The Slam,' " Phil added.
Meanwhile, Dan is most looking forward to "bus life."
"A lot of people go, ‘Touring! Don’t you just hate it? Imagine being on a bus cramped up with all those people?' And I’m like, 'I love it.' Get me out of the house," Dan shared. "We are not meant to just be spending all day in our head, being anxious about stuff. We are meant to go outside. And I found that the only way I can do that is to book a tour and commit to dragging myself outside of the house.'
Following their return to YouTube and their joint brand, Dan said that they are living "in this radical present where we are just seeing how things go." However, they are still aware of the demand for them to take on more big projects, particularly in relation to their former jobs as presenters on BBC Radio 1 where they hosted a weekly radio show and interviewed A-list celebrities like Taylor Swift and Fall Out Boy at special events.
"Yeah, that was really fun," Phil recalled. "I think there was a lot of anxiety for me doing the radio because you have to press a lot of buttons, you are live – so I can say anything. Anyone knows that me, unfiltered and live, is a dangerous mix, especially when you are the BBC."
Dan added, "People keep asking us. They are like 'Dan and Phil, we need you to get back doing these presenting jobs. You want to come back? Do the radio, do this award show.' We are like, 'Oh, my! Maybe we’ll do it for the people.' "
He continued to note that people are also "begging" him to return to his solo YouTube channel, but for now, they are focused on the tour.
"This Dan and Phil comeback was so lowkey," Dan said. "Literally we had no plan for it. Phil was like, 'Just sit down, play The Sims, play a little card game,' and it is the most light, casual content ever. People were so enthusiastic about it and now they are like, 'What is the future?' People are begging us to do radio, they want us to do a podcast, they want us to do all this other stuff that their favorite YouTubers are doing. So now, we are like, 'Okay, we hear you, Dan and Phil 2.0 when we get back from this tour.' Honestly, it sounds like a threat."
"Yeah," Phil agreed. "What is it going to be? We are not sure but we are excited about it."
Tickets for Terrible Influence are now on sale.
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hi freaks of tumblr . here's my introduction post teeheehee <3
my name is aiden ! i am an eighteen year old queer trans man - pre-op and pre-t unfortunately ... but whatever im still hot. giggles and twirls hair.
more about me :3
☆ freakiest virgin you've ever met. i'd like that to CHANGE but uhhghhh the most i can get is freaks on tumblr (hit me up lalalala)
☆ real life prince charming pupboy :3 !!!
☆ literally not an ounce of dominance inside me at ALL i'm very submissive!!!! to an insane extent!!!
☆ bottom.
☆ perpetually in heat actually. need that to be rectified
☆ bst timezone. british twink moving like Oh Good Heavens... Oh My... Good Grief...
☆ my asks are open all the time to anyone! dms are open for mutuals only (i'm totally open to conversation & sharing things with moots as long as ur respectful!!). i prefer getting asks; i'm bad with managing messages. also feel free to dm or ask me stuff if you just wanna be friends!!! blank blogs do not message me it weirds me out x
☆ i'm a writer! my posts may tend to get real descriptive if i'm not hornied-out beyond all comprehensive thought!!
☆ i am transgender and a lot of the stuff i post will focus on this :3 !!! my posts will reference fem biology but i'm not a girl don't call me one or i'll rip my hair out and die.
☆ im a queer man !! still fully figuring out where my attraction lies but i do know i have a very heavy male pref. please don't repost my stuff if you're a cishet blogger or a 'men dni' blog im literally a. man and i love men and i talk about loving men and im the antithesis of everything u stand for . all queer freaks (including. wlw!!!) can do whatever they want with my posts :3
☆ some of my non-freakish interests include acting, literature, writing, baking, reading and certain fandoms that i don't want to explicitly reference in case this post appears to them uhm feel free to ask me about them!!!
claimed anons: 😵💫 ; 👾 ; 🪰; 🍁 ; ⚒ ; 🍓 ; 🐈⬛ ; 🎈
dni: minors, MAPs, bigots of any kind, trans fetishisers, ed & sh blogs, ageless blogs, weirdo freaks of the bad kind!!
tags
#☆ aiden's corner -> silly thoughts of mine!! sometimes they r Slightly lesser hornyposting... sometimes they're just funny things ithink of. sometimes its just me talking about whateva welcum to aiden's corner !!
#☆ aiden's freakish thoughts -> hornyposting to the maxxxx.... under this tag im a FREAAKKK
#☆ aiden's pics -> me lawl. usually just tummy :3
#☆ aiden's audio -> aiden whines like a bitch
#☆ reblogs -> stuff i find relatable or stuff i find super duper hot . perhaps both at the same time!!
#☆ anon -> answering anonymous asks!
#☆ asks -> when used alone, answering non-anon asks! also used in conjunction with #☆ anon :3
me if u even care
okay thats all i can think of rn ummm anyway. stuff i'm into & limits under the cut :3
i looove >_< !!!
praise, degradation, breeding, petplay, major voice kink!, exhibitionism, voyeurism, humiliation, objectification, free-use, cockwarming, royalty, dumbification, somnophilia, forcemasc and ummm probably more you should totes talk to me so we can find out!
limits >:[ !!!
detrans/misgendering, forced feminisation, scat, bestiality, watersports, blood, basically any bodily fluids that aren't cum or spit, intox related to alcohol specifically, anything to do with feet, feederism, weight gain/weight loss, incest/fauxcest, ageplay, rape, daddy/mommy, pregnancy, basically everything else that's super fucking weird and unethical. -> if you're into these things that's totally fine!! i'd just prefer they're not brought up in regards to myself ^_^
bodily terms for myself :3
not on t nor have i had surgery so i still very much have female parts and im fine with them being referred to as such!!! acceptable terms include cunt, pussy/boypussy, slit, hole, clit, chest, tits, (t-)cock& (t-)dick !! all i ask is that the term vagina is not used.
things i like being called >_<
please refer to me with masculine or neutral terms, nothing feminine. degrading terms like whore, bitch, slut and any other varieties (cumslut, etc.) are 100% okay! in fact please call me them!! praising terms like good boy are wooonderful. call me puppy/pup and ill explode and die (in a good way!!!) tbh literally call me anything as long as its not feminine and i'll love it. lalalalaa
#about me#mlm nsft#trans nsft#ftm nsft#ftm mlm#suppose i should put a little navigation here too ->#☆ aiden's corner#☆ aiden's freakish thoughts#☆ aiden's pics#☆ aiden's audio#☆ anon#☆ asks#☆ reblogs
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Despite Sam's little outburst at Dean, that Dean doesn't care about Madison bc "part of her is evil" and that Dean isn't willing to kill Sam but will just "blow her away" -- Dean is broken up about Madison. He calls her a "sweet girl." He feels bad that she is unaware of her actions when she turns. But he's also being realistic. One of them has to be. If she can't control herself from killing people then there's only one way to stop her, unfortunately. It's not like he's against other options. There just aren't any. And Sam is naively holding out on some miraculous cure showing up but Dean has to be the realist and point out that no one has ever found a cure in all this time.
Then when Sam wants to keep the truth from Madison to keep her hoping, Dean again has to be the honest one, as much as it hurts, and tell her there aren't any other options, aside from locking her up at night, which isn't a foolproof solution.
DEAN: Well, we could lock you up at night, but … you bust out, and some night you will, someone else dies. [pause] I’m sorry. I am. MADISON: [crying] [exhales] So, I guess that’s all there is to it, then.
What often gets overlooked in discussions about Dean and Monsters, is that the big issue for Dean is less about the fact that they're supernatural beings. The sticking point, the problem with most monsters they hunt, is the fact that they're hurting and killing people. If Sam and Dean are rolling into town that usually means the monster had killed someone. They're not going around preemptively killing monsters simply for being monsters (one of my big issues actually with Last Holiday and the "monster radar." They usually don't just go kill monsters for existing. They usually have to have hurt someone first. It's the (British) Men of Letters that seem more interested in eradicating all monsters simply for existing)
Anyways! Most of the time, the monsters they hunt are not simply killed for being Other (which is why many blanket metaphors about monsters on SPN leave me cold. No, every monster does not actually represent "minorities" or other groups society deems "undesirable"-- in fact many monsters on the show actively prey on real minorities and those on the fringes of society). Anyway, it's not the monsters being Other, or their mere status as monsters that is the issue. And for Dean especially, being supernatural is not a prerequisite for being a "monster." Dean has no trouble considering humans just as capable of monstrosity. It's about hurting / killing innocent people. That's what consistently is the sticking point for Dean. The "saving people" part of the phrase is Not incidental. It's the whole point.
And Dean wishes he could also save Madison here. But they can't. There's no cure. And Madison, too, is horrified by the possibility that she will continue to kill people. Dean even offers to do the hard part. To kill the sweet girl they can't save and spare Sam the hurt and trauma of it. The whole time Dean is taking the brunt of being the "bad guy" here. He had to deliver the harsh truths. He has to be the realistic one. And he'll be the killer too, to spare his brother from having to do it. But Sam insisting on doing it. And Dean?
[DEAN, now alone, lets a tear roll down his cheek. He flinches as he hears a single gunshot from the next room.]
He's not heartless. A monster is not always a monster. Not every monster deserves death. He cries for Madison. For Sam. For not being able to save her. He cries because it's not fair and their job is rarely easy.
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Are y'all ready for a mildly unhinged character comparison?
(It makes sense when you think about it, trust me)
William Afton and Doctor Morocco. One is an undead serial killer from a mascot horror game. The other is a villain from a cartoon targeted to preschool-age children who doesn't even have a body count (at least, not one that's mentioned on-screen). On the surface, all they have in common are their British accents and general disregard for public welfare. But, these two are actually far more similar than you might think.
First, they are both inventors, and experts in robotics. While it is unclear exactly how many animatronics Afton himself built, we know from Sister Location that he designed the Funtimes by himself, and he worked very closely with Henry Emily for earlier animatronics (not even gonna try researching specific numbers because FNAF). Morocco is shown working on many projects, from submarines to a machine that controls ants, but his most famous invention is the MorBot, a non-sentient transforming robot.
Early in their careers, they both met fellow genius inventors; Afton with Henry Emily, and Morocco with Jules Verne. They became best friends, and began working together on projects. Unfortunately, both of these friendships were more one-sided than they seemed.
Admiration of Emily and Verne soon turned to jealousy, leading Afton and Morocco to betray them. Afton, either grieving the loss of his own child(ren), or just at his breaking point depending on what timeline you use, killed Henry's daughter, Charlie. After being gifted a prototype Verne device, Morocco disagreed with Verne on how the technology should be used, and disappeared to develop inventions which fulfilled his own selfish desires. Although they are not equal in magnitude, both betrayals hurt the recipients deeply.
At some point, both became obsessed with the pursuit of eternal life. This led Afton to continue killing children to harvest remnant from them, even creating the S.C.U.P., better known as the Scooper, to aid remnant extraction. Morocco used his Verne device prototype to create his Chamber of Youth, a glass pod with anti-aging properties. (Picture of Burntrap's charging pod included for comparison with the Chamber of Youth, and because I couldn't find a better place to put it.)
However, time waits for no man. Although Afton "survives" injuries that should be fatal, and Morocco barely looks a day over 40 at 200, neither of their situations are perfect. What's left of Afton is trapped inside an old Spring Bonnie suit, and Morocco must make frequent trips to his Chamber of Youth to avoid aging rapidly and dying.
Eventually, Emily and Verne decide to end their former best friends' reigns of terror. Emily builds a fake pizzeria to trap Afton, and all of the haunted and/or sentient animatronics, and burns them to the ground. Verne takes a (relatively) pacifist approach, erasing Morocco's memories of being evil and bringing him to future Paris, where he will hopefully live out the rest of his days in peace. So goes the ends of two great villains…
…until SOMEONE decides that the characters are too popular to die, so they're brought back, but it's not really them, it's just viruses that look and talk and act and think like them that were created by the real Afton and Morocco at an undisclosed point in time because why wouldn't they do that? These viruses appear in experimental VR games, Glitchtrap in the Freddy Fazbear Virtual Experience, and the Morocco virus in Griffin Rock Element Quest 2.0. They both have the ability to alter the games they originated in, Glitchtrap adding the tapes and Bonnie plush, and Morocco virus creating entirely new levels. They also have the ability to control other machines, and even humans, under the right circumstances.
Both viruses manage to transfer themselves into physical bodies, and continue to cause chaos. (For this example, we are assuming that Burntrap is the Mimic infected with the Glitchtrap virus and pretending to be William Afton, NOT Afton himself.)
Vanessa and Gregory trap the Mimic in an even lower level of the basement, and the rescue team traps Morocco virus in a block of ice. After they are captured and imprisoned, they decide that they should update their character designs at the earliest convenience to be more easily distinguishable from their human designers, sell more merch, and, in Morocco virus' case at least, grow more powerful. Mimic basically just stops cosplaying as Ourple Guy (and starts cosplaying as a circus creature amalgam depending on the ending), but Morocco upgrades to a MorBot, rivaling the Rescue Bots in every physical aspect.
It is unknown whether or not either of these viruses, or their creators, will be threats in the future. With the Morocco virus stuck at the bottom of the ocean, and the doctor himself nowhere to be seen in Rescue Bots Academy, the reign of Morocco has likely come to an end. It seems as though William Afton has finally died, too, being replaced by the Mimic as FNAF's main antagonist. To know the Mimic's fate, we'll have to wait until Secret of the Mimic, or maybe even a game farther in the future.
Aaaaand I think that's it! There are a few smaller details that I didn't mention (i.e. Morocco's shirt button/brooch thing is ourple?!?😱😱😱), but these are all of the big connections between these guys that I saw. I haven't seen anyone else make this comparison (for good reason lol), so I thought it would be nice to share my thoughts. Let me know what y'all think, and feel free to mention things that I missed, or let me know your own mildly unhinged character comparisons. So, uh… yeah. Thanks for coming to my TED Talk.
Edit: I fixed the typo in the image description for the picture of Morocco and Verne meeting.
#fnaf#five nights at freddy's#transformers#transformers: rescue bots#tf#tfrb#william afton#fnaf william afton#fnaf purple guy#springtrap#fnaf 3 springtrap#glitchtrap#burntrap#doctor morocco#dr. morocco#tfrb doctor morocco#tfrb dr. morocco#morocco virus#henry emily#morbot#fnaf mimic#character study#character comparison#i spent too much time on this lol
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