#they’ve been open since the beginning on their intentions for diversity

[flamesque]

If there is one thing that Rafayel is thankful for, it was the fact he can will the tides to remain calm and collected in comparison to the consistent storm in his mind. The more they spoke about their predecessors, the more Rafayel felt so distant from his own previous incarnation.

The term ‘lost’ wouldn’t begin to explain how he was feeling. 

Since having been found by the elders, his own identity felt incredibly foreign. Who is Rafayel? Who is Caspian? Was his purpose truly only being the foundation, the pinnacle to keeping Lemuria thriving? What desires of his were his and what desires were that in the sheer interest of the people of Lemuria?

He scrunched his nose briefly before returning to his somewhat relaxed visage, albeit his attention remained in his open palm, as a blue fish swam along it before falling back into his palm.

“Dolasach,” He spoke softly and returned his attention to her. “What do wolves like to eat?”

It was a random question, but the brief diversion is something he needed; the confirmation of having been kept in the dark, knowing that the Goddess of the Forest had some guidance whilst his guidance was through lies and deceit. He clenched his jaw briefly, though on his fingertips danced red flames, yet he was careful .

Careful not to harm the beautiful forest and its Goddess right in front of him. 

He tilted his head, listening to his words before chuckling quietly, crossing his arms. “...you’re right, and I’d rather not give the elders reasons to prove that what happened between our predecessors is exactly how they’ve woven the stories to be.” 

The flames continued dancing along his fingers, a bit of a habit of his when he tries to refocus and not allow his emotions to overtake his thoughts and actions. His gaze flickered from the flames to Dolasach as he listened to her intently, and the flames dispersed when he followed her, though he kept his distance. 

He may be stubborn, but he knew that Dolasach didn’t trust him fully yet, and to bring discomfort to Dolasach more than he already must have was the last thing on his mind at this moment. He tapped his chin briefly, taking a seat on the ground somewhat next to her.

“So the two had been smitten for one another; I do remember reading about Caspian having done his utmost to court her. ‘Smitten at the first look of the Goddess, her beauty matching the beautiful greens of the forest’.” He quoted briefly, “at least, that’s how I read his passages; however…” 

He lifted his gaze up to her, as if trying to capture those green and blues in her eyes. “I unfortunately have no knowledge or writings from Caspian on how they met. Will you tell me? It makes me think that may be a hint of where his other writings may be.”

₊❏❜ ⋮ i'll chase you to the ends of the earth. ⚬𓂂

@dolasach

He is used to it; however, that didn't mean he accepted it.

Rafayel sighed as he let his head rest against his palm, the same thing being drilled into his mind by the endless sea of words spewing the history of Lemuria and the world on the surface repeated like a broken record from the elders. He seemed to be falling asleep and was immediately scolded for not paying attention.

Evidently, something came up that had the elders leave the vicinity for the time being and this served as an opportunity for Rafayel to escape. He had attempted in doing so a few times, but he was sure that this time he would be able to be successful. 

A blue fish swam around him and held his hand out, allowing the fish to swim over his palm. 

"Shall we head to the surface? It's a little boring right now and I'm tired of hearing the elders saying the same thing over and over again." 

The fish continued swimming over his palm before seemingly directing him toward an opening to which he was able to squeeze through. It was then he realized that he was out of the city walls of Whalefall City and was able to swim to the surface.

He thanked the fish before it disappeared back through the city walls and Rafayel didn't have to think twice as he turned away from Whalefall City to swim up to the surface; however, before he allowed himself to fully come out, he swam slowly as the damn words from the elders rang in his head. 

"The world on the surface is dangerous, even if those people worship our Sea God, there is a chance that someone will try to capture him."

"As the previous Lemurians have..." 

"Rafayel, you must never venture out to the surface world. Your people are here, that is all that should concern you." 

And the annoying part of all. "The Sea God will one day meet the Goddess of the Forest, and when that day comes, should he fall in love with her, it will be the beginning of the downfall of Lemuria."

Rafayel always thought it to be those stories to be something a parent would tell to their child to make them listen. And besides, Rafayel had always been, not only a rebellious soul, but one of sheer curiosity. 

Once he peeked out from the water, he spotted a woman by the shore. And he had seen a few other humans before, but something about her was different and he couldn't help but to swim towards the shore, closer to her. Who could she be? For some reason... he needed to know and while he doesn't know why he needs to, he simply just has to try; in a way, it felt as though there were residual feelings, feelings that weren't from him and that in itself baffled him.

So without thinking, his mouth opened to speak.

"Who might you be? You don't seem... human to me, although you do appear to be." He tilted his head briefly before letting out a laugh. "Ah, apologies. This is bold of me, I will admit."

[wuhkie]

wow it’s almost like when show creators act like adults and are open and honest with their intentions and decisions on the show as well as on social media instead of behaving like their teenage fan base, people respect their creative decisions a lot easier

[djarrex]

Countermeasures || 4

Diversion

Fives x ofc!reader

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| main masterlist | series masterlist | read on ao3 |

Rating: 18+ only

Word Count: 6.8k

Warnings: hella sexual tension yet again, some violence (feat. hand-to-hand combat Fives #King), a hint of fluff (really a hint of softy Fives)

chapter summary: You know something strange is going on, and that becomes even more clear upon Tup’s passing. You’ll both need a diversion to kickstart the investigation, so the truth behind Tup’s death - and the tumor - can be uncovered.

note: Okay I’m not confident in my writing of fight scenes so bear with me. This is the longest chapter so far and there were some parts in here I really struggled with so I’m sorry if things are written weird. I removed an entire scene and replaced it with something different. Hint: it was spicy, but turned into fluff. Slow burn... am I right? 

***

It was the morning after Tup’s passing and Fives’ simultaneous arrest. You got ready for the day, running on empty fumes and barely any sleep. That night you had tossed and turned, unable to relieve yourself of the guilt flooding through you. You weren’t even upset you were reassigned – you were too distraught from watching Fives get taken away as he shook his brother’s lifeless body. It was a scene straight from a depressing holomovie, and it burned in your brain, playing on repeat.

You reached for your lab coat on the way out of your quarters, but hesitated. Did you even need to wear it now? You’re going to be skimming through reports all day for the rest of your internship. Hardly the occupation that warrants the donning of a medical lab coat. Hand still floating in the air, you dropped it and shook your head. No. You do not deserve to wear that.

Your feet dragged as you headed the familiar way to the archives; a path you thought you wouldn’t have to walk again. As you approached a trisecting corridor, you heard hushed voices - those of the Kaminoans. You stopped before reaching the corner, steadying your breath to zero in on their conversation, attempting to remain undetected.

“We can not let that clone leave. Not after what he has seen.”

“Now that CT-5385 has passed, we can begin the autopsy. We do not have a need for CT-5555 anymore.”

“You may be correct, but we mustn’t leave anything to chance. I suggest we wipe his memory and keep him here indefinitely so that we can easily monitor his behavior.”

“I agree.”

“Doctor, I will gather the guards and escort CT-5555 to the reconditioning center.”

You had never turned around so fast in your life.

You wanted to run, run as fast as you could through the bright corridors, but you couldn’t. It would raise too much suspicion, which wasn’t something you – or Fives – could afford right now. Instead, you maintained a brisk pace, slowing it slightly when others came into frame. You needed to get to Fives. You had no idea how long he had – they could be on their way there right now.

Fives’ room came into view – no guards standing outside. That was a good sign. You slammed your fist against the buttons and the door whisked opened. Fives sat in a familiar distraught position on the cot with his head hung low, but instantly snapped up to the sound of your frantic voice as you rushed into the room.

“Fives! Thank the Maker you’re still here.” You quickly turned to shut the door as Fives jolted up, confusion written all over his face.

“Still here? What are you-”

“You need to leave. Now.” You were a tad bit out of breath. Fives just stared at you, wide-eyed.

“Ren, hey. Just breathe, and tell me what’s going on.” Fives’ arm outstretched and a warm palm landed on your upper arm, squeezing tight with reassurance, pulling you to sit down on the cot with him. You kept your head down, staring at your dangling feet to calm yourself.

“I overheard them talking… they- they said they were going to wipe your memory. They’re not sending you back to the 501st, Fives. I don’t think that was ever their intention… and now, after Tup, I- I don’t think it’s going to be good.” 

“Who said that?” You looked up to meet Fives’ eyes, noting how the previous look of confusion and concern jumped out the window and was replaced with caution and curiosity - maybe anger, too.

“Nala Se, and- and some other Kaminoans. I think I heard the Prime Minister’s voice, too.” Fives hand jumped to your thigh, giving a modest squeeze as he leaned in close.

“Did they see you? Please tell me they did not see you.” Worry accompanied his tone - worry for you.

“I don’t think so. I didn’t hang around for long. I- I heard them say your name, then something about an inhibitor chip, and the reconditioning center, and- ”

“Hey, Ren. Look at me. It’s going to be okay, alright? They can’t do that. There’s no way they’d get away with that if Rex or General Skywalker have anything to say about it.” You knew of Rex, but nothing about this Skywalker guy. Whoever he was aside, Fives didn’t quite seem to understand the urgency of the situation.

“Fives, you don’t know. They’ve been acting strange ever since we found the tumor in Tup. I- I don’t think that was something any of us were supposed to find. Not me, and especially not you. There’s something strange going on here. I can feel it!” You stood up and paced over to the counter, arching forward with your elbows resting on the cool top. Fives shuffled around as you heard his footsteps approaching, making you turn around to face him.

“What do you mean?” 

Fives didn’t seem to be in any rush to leave - his stubbornness was insane. Fuck. Time was running out. They could be here any second. Anxiously running your fingers through your hair, you started, “When we did the scan on Tup and removed the tumor- Nala Se acted as if none of it mattered. She told me over and over that the scan was incorrect, but we know what we saw. We held the evidence in our hands. Something not right is going on around here, Fives. You and I may be the only ones that know about it. I gotta get you out of here.” Fives’ eyes remained locked with yours as he silently took it all in. He wasn’t saying anything, until -

“Well, what about you?” Fives’ hand reached forward and locked into yours. The warmth coming from his rough hand soothed you for a moment as you collected your thoughts.

“I’ll be okay so long as they don’t know I’m working with you and I... stop asking questions. They didn’t dismiss me like I thought they would, so I still have a chance of finding on what’s going on from the archives. They think they can cover their assess by keeping me compliant and reconditioning you-”

“Do you know how long I have until they ‘recondition’ me, whatever that means?”

“I ran to find you as soon as I heard they would send the guards to escort you out... Fives, they could literally get here any second. I’m supposed to be in the kriffing archives, but I am not letting them do that to you.” You grabbed his other hand and squeezed them both. Looking up at the vent, you nodded up at the ceiling. “Common, you know the drill.”

***

You had been crawling through the cold durasteel ventilation shafts for a while now. In your exhausted state you had forgotten to put on your chrono this morning, and you were sure Fives had no current concept of time. Coming up on a trisecting shaft, you ceased crawling.

“Do you have any idea where you’re going?” It had to have been at least fifteen minutes when you finally broke the silence. Fives came to a halt in front of you and turned his head around over his shoulder.

“Uh, yes?” The obvious lie seeped its way through the raising pitch in his voice. Rolling your eyes, Fives added in, “I need to get to the hangar so I can create a diversion.” Fives resumed crawling, but you remained still.

“A... diversion? What are you thinking of doing at the hangar?” As your voice became more distant to him, he paused again. Fives peered over in your direction behind him, nodding for you to come along. You sighed, but continued forward to catch up with him.

“I need to make it look like I’ve escaped, that way they don’t come looking for me here.” Once you were close enough behind him, he started crawling again - but you paused, again. What in the hells-

“Make it look like you’ve escaped? I thought I made myself very clear when I told you that you need to leave.” Fives sensed that you halted once again, coming to a halt himself and backing up a few paces.

“I can’t leave yet, Ren. You said so yourself – something strange is going on here, and I need to get to the bottom of it. I need to know more about the tumor you took out of Tup.” There was definitely no arguing with a man like Fives. With a defeated sigh, you bowed you head for a moment, contemplating the next move. Well, Fives might as well hide out for a bit until enough of the heat has been taken off him. It wouldn’t help the cause if he got captured right away.

“Okay, fine. But it’s too hot down there right now. I’m sure they have troopers searching every room and hall in the medical wing for you once they realized you weren’t where you were supposed to be.” You narrowed your eyes at him, which you know he couldn’t see from his position - you hoped he felt it, though. “You’ll need a safe place to hide in the meantime, then we can dig deeper into the tumor.”

“We? Renna, I’ve already asked too much of you, and nearly got you dismissed from my actions.”

“Not your actions, Fives. I’m the one who agreed to help you, and I still want to help you. You’re not the only one who wants to figure out what the fuck is going on around here.” If Fives wouldn’t escape Kamino, then you would help him the best you could.

“Alright, alright.” Fives chuckled at your tenacity, “Where would be a safe place to hide in the city? I’m not exactly fond of staying up in these freezing vents for the rest of the day and tonight.”

“I mean…” You paused, contemplating if you really were about to say what you were going to say, “You- you could lay low in my quarters. No one of importance goes to that side of the city anyway. They would never think to look there. It would just be for the night – it would probably be okay to head out to the hangar by morning.” Yeah, you said it. The thought of Fives being in your room - just the two of you - sent heat all over your body, warming up the exposed skin that was pricked with goosebumps from the freezing vents. Fives’ head turned towards you as far as it would go, most likely straining his neck. You could make out his raised eyebrows as he let out a grunt. Somehow you figured he wouldn’t say no to being invited into your room. Fives - ever the stubborn man - was an arguer, though.

“You can’t get caught help-”

“Don’t argue with me.” You raised your brows, mimicking him, earning a chuckle your way. “I have some food, and I’m sure you’re about starving right about now.” Letting out a heavy sigh, Fives nodded.

“Alright, lead the way, ma’am.” Fives scooted as far as he could to the right, allowing you to pass by him. Fives didn’t start crawling right away, but you didn’t stop; you allowed yourself to imagine that he was checking out your ass again. A few more moments went by until you finally heard the sound of Fives tailing you, when he sighed again, “Please don’t tell me all you have are protein bars.”

***

You must have crawled for another silent half hour by the time you reached the vent leading to your room. Opening it carefully and quietly, you hopped down onto your bed. Fives followed, with his guard clearly held up high as he automatically scanned the unfamiliar room.

“So, uh… this is where I currently live.” You tied your hair up into a ponytail and smiled at Fives after he finally dropped down. “It’s going to be fine - I promise.” Plopping down on the edge of your bed, you patted the mattress and gestured for Fives to join you. This whole thing – Fives in your room with you – was a fantasy that guided your self-pleasure for a couple nights; you finally had true alone time with him, and you wanted to do what you could with it.

“I can tell you made this place your own. Better than my bunk in the barracks that’s for sure.” Fives rubbed the back of his neck and offered you a sheepish grin, plopping down on the bed right next to you. You felt the heat radiating off his body; Fives was sitting very close to you. There was silence for a minute until you realized you had forgotten to offer him anything.

“One protein bar, coming right up!” You jolted up and off the bed and headed for the small kitchenette by the front door. You heard the sound of Fives readjusting on your mattress but remained focused on getting him something good to eat. Opening cabinet after cabinet, shaking your head at the sight of each one, you finally found something you think he’d like. You called over your shoulder, “Have you ever tried macarons? They’re not exactly full of nutritional value, but they’re really good.” No response. You held the half-full box of the sweet cookies against your chest and turned around; Fives made himself perfectly at home. His head rested on your favorite pillow and his legs were sprawled out, taking over the entire bed. His head was tilted towards you, a grin on his face. 

You felt your body get pulled by him, mindlessly walking over to your bed, sitting down on the edge near his knee. The box of macarons still in your hand, you pulled one out and passed it to Fives. He took it, staring at it before shoving the whole thing in his mouth. You couldn’t help but giggle at his facial expression when his tastebuds activated, signaling the rest his body of just how delicious those cookies were. You raised a brow with a large smile on your face, nodding to him as he swallowed. 

“Another?” You laughed as Fives quickly grabbed at the second macaron you held out to him. You chewed one down with him, and after a few minutes of nothing but chewing sounds, the box grew empty.

“What do you usually do for fun when you’re not out doing medical stuff?” Fives had just swallowed the last macaron, smacking his lips and savoring the flavor. He was still sprawled out on your bed, looking extremely comfy and content. You smiled at him as you thought about your life before coming to Kamino.

“I used to go out a lot, back on Coruscant. I made a lot of friends at the academy, and they always wanted to go out and drink and dance. It was fun.”

“I guess there’s no club or cantina here, is there?”

You laughed. “Nope. It’s quite unfortunate.” You let your hair loose and combed at the slightly tangled strands with your fingers. “What about you? You know, when you’re not out doing ‘war stuff’.” Fives laughed at his own phrasing being thrown back at him, but was fixated on what you were doing with your hair.

“I enjoy going out with the guys. Rex, Kix, Jesse. I have a lot of brothers, but they’re the closest ones to me. Well, what’s left of them anyway.” Removing your fingers from your hair snapped Fives’ attention back to your face. You hated to admit that you had almost forgotten about Tup. You didn’t know exactly how close they were, but the bond was clear when you saw the lengths Fives had gone through so far for Tup. 

“I’m truly sorry about Tup, Fives. This whole thing... it- it just isn’t right.”

“It isn’t just Tup - before him, it was Hevy, Echo, Hardcase. All good soldiers - good brothers - but they’re gone. We were born to die in this war, and I’ve come to terms with that... it doesn’t mean I can’t miss them, though.” It was hard to imagine yourself in Fives’ shoes, well, any of the clones’ shoes honestly. They were bred specially for this war, right here. You didn’t think about that fact too much before meeting Fives, but now...

“I only somewhat met Tup, but I know for a fact that all your brothers were and are the greatest men in the galaxy. If they’re anything like you.” You caught  yourself blushing like a fool, turning your face away from Fives’ gaze. Fives lightly chuckled, his hand coming up towards you when-

Knock knock knock.

Fives looked back and forth between your frozen form and the door with wide eyes. You quite honestly froze. Who in the fuck would be paying you a visit - today of all days?

“Aren't you going to get that?” Sarcasm, even through a whisper. Shaking your head in disbelief, you slapped Fives’ thigh and motioned for him to get back up into the ceiling.

“Miss Renna?” The unmistakable voice of a Kaminoan came from the other side of the door, followed by a couple more gentle knocks.

“I’ll be right there!” You called in that direction, lightly smacking Fives’ legs to hurry up as he finally disappeared from the room and into the vents. Brushing off your clothing and giving yourself a onceover in the entry mirror, you took a deep breath and hit the button to open the door. Two Kaminoan doctors stood just outside looking innocent enough, datapads pressed into their slender torsos.

Fighting the urge to roll your eyes, “Good evening, doctors. Can I help you?”

“We did not see you in the archives today, Miss Renna. We know you worked with contaminated clones for the past few days, and wanted to make sure you were feeling alright.”

“I appreciate the check-in, doctors, but I am feeling fine. I suppose I am a little shook up after watching one of the patients pass, however.” You weren’t exactly lying.

“I understand,” the second Kaminoan chimed in. “It does not get easier - to have a patient die on you - but it becomes bearable. If you want to become a doctor, these are things you will need to get used to.” You managed a weak smile and nodded to them.

“Thank you for stopping by, doctors. I will be sure to get some sleep tonight. Have a nice evening.” The two long-necks nodded and headed down the corridor. You peeked your head out and watched them until they turned the corner and were out of sight. Shutting the door and leaning against it, you let out a breath you were unknowingly holding in

“That was a close one,” Fives peeked out from the vent with a huge grin on his face. You looked up at him, shaking your head at his smartass comment. Even in times like these, Fives still had a sense of humor and let it shine.

“Yeah, I’m sorry about that. Looks like I completely disregarded and forgot about my duties for the day.”

“I’m sorry.” Fives descended from the ceiling and sat back down on your bed.

“No! You do not need to be sorry. You aren’t making these decisions for me, Fives.”

“Well... at least let me apologize for something. I’m sorry you met me? Or, sorry that you helped me even though you said it was 100% your decision? Does that work?” Fives’ cheeky grin made you chuckle as he teasingly patted the space next to him. You obliged, sitting right on the bed where he was motioning for you to.

“I’m not sorry that I helped you. If anything, you helped me. Not only were you my first patient, you helped me see you clones in a different light. I’ve seen things with you that I would’ve never seen in any reports or files. I’m not sorry that I met you, Fives. I don’t think you realize how you’ve changed my life in only a few days of knowing you.” All those words flew out of your mouth like vomit, spewing out before you could even think about what they meant or how they would sound. Fives’ silence made you feel anxious. You obviously had feelings for Fives - both emotional and physical - but you were sure he only knew about the physical ones. Was he turned off by the accidental oversharing of your emotions? You looked down at your feet, digging your heels into the carpet when you felt the mattress move up and down - Fives was bouncing on his butt like a youngling.

“Your bed is probably the most comfortable thing I’ve ever laid on. Us clones basically sleep on duracrete blocks, you know.”

Okay, Fives didn’t exactly acknowledge your heartfelt word vomit, but he didn’t ignore it, either. He just... played it cool. That’s okay, you can work with cool. Another bolt of confidence surged through you when his hand came up and rested gently on your knee.

“Well, why don’t you sleep on it tonight.”

“No karking way, this is your bed. Where are you going to sleep, on the floor?”

“No, I would never sleep on the floor in my own room,” you jested, rolling your eyes at him. Your ever-increasing confidence encouraged a ploy - an idea that would have you sleeping together for sure. “I offered you to take my bed and was planning on joining you, that okay?” You raised a brow and smiled at Fives. His eyes widened and his signature cheeky grin crept on his face.

“Yeah- yeah that is definitely okay.”

***

Lights out.

The position you were in was not the most comfortable in the world; your bed was designed to only sleep one, so you were angled nearly on top of Fives while he was scooted all the way against the wall, laying somewhere in between flat on his back and on his side. Fives had pulled you into him, his thick arms hugging you from behind. 

Your room was pitch black and silent - save for the steady breaths coming from the both of you, alternating but in sync. You were frozen, held tightly in Fives’ arms, unable to move a muscle - it’s not like you minded, really. It had been a long, long time since you’d been held like this. You had a feeling it was the same for Fives, too.

“Fives?” A broken whisper escaped your lips and his breaths paused for a moment in response, letting his grip on you loosen just a little bit.

“Sorry... I-” He caught himself before continuing, “I just-” 

“It’s okay,” You interrupted him with understanding, placing your hands onto his arms to secure them against your stomach. You get it. 

You were sure Fives wanted to do more than cuddle tonight - as did you - but sleep quickly overcame him; hearing his breaths become more shallow as quiet snores erupted from his nose made you smile. You weren't disappointed, not at all - in fact, you were completely content with the sweet intimacy being shared between the two of you, knowing that it was something you both desperately needed. If you two were meant to go beyond this - beyond flirtatious words and touching and cuddling - then it will happen. For now, letting Fives hang on to you while he slept - you were basically acting as sort of a security blanket - was more than okay.

***

Your eyes opened to complete darkness and you were slightly confused on where you were and why there was an intense pressure wrapped around your body. You tried to sit up, but the way you were effectively held in place kept you from moving. Panic soared through you in your groggy, exhausted state as you tried to wiggle free; your breathing picked up in your struggle until a familiar voice coming from behind grounded you as the pressure was removed from your torso, allowing you to finally sit up.

“Renna, it’s okay! It’s me, it’s me.” You felt a palm rest atop your shoulder; you sighed and went back to laying down as you lifted your own hand to rest atop his.

Chuckling nervously, “Ha, sorry. I guess I haven’t slept next to anyone in a long time and my brain forgot what it was like. Sorta went into panic mode.” 

“Yeah,” Fives chuckled and caressed your cheek with the back of his hand. “I got that impression.” It was silent for a minute when you snapped yourself out of the bliss.

“How long were we out for? Kark, you probably need to get going.” Wait - shit, did you just sound like you were trying to get rid of him? A moment of panic. “I just meant-”

“It’s alright, I know you’re not trying to kick me out of here.” He snorted. “I do need to get going.” Fives sounded... hesitant. A beat. “I wanted to ask... never mind.” Fives finally sat up, shuffling off the bed and somehow finding his way through the dark to turn on the light. The new brightness blinded you for a moment as you shielded your eyes with your arm. You sunk deeper into the bed when Fives came to sit back down on the edge of the bed next to you.

“What? What do you wanna ask?” You removed your arm from your face and noted the look of hesitation - and... admiration? -  in his eyes as he looked down at you. You more than likely didn’t look very nice at that moment since you had just woken up; you felt loose stands of hair sticking to your cheeks, your eyes were half open and crusty, and your breath more than likely reeked.

“I just- I want you to come with me. I realize that you have other duties here, and that I’ve already asked so much of you and-”

You sat up. “I already told you I’d help you, Fives.” You had told him while still crawling in the vents, but you were hesitant on being physically by his side during the tumor investigation - you were planning on helping from the sidelines in any way you could, like offering up your room for him to lay low in, or finding out what you could in the archives for example. Your mind was changing, though. You whole heartedly wanted to be by Fives’ side through this thing. “I’ll go with you.”

Fives’ eyes lighted up with your admission, but his happiness was quickly replaced with hesitation. His face showed every emotion he was feeling so clearly - it was one of the things you liked the most about him, how expressive Fives can be.

“Renna... I’m just worried about what would happen if you were seen with me. This time, I mean. You weren’t dismissed before, but-”

“Mister stubborn ARC trooper, please stop arguing with me. Fuck my duties, let them dismiss me. I don’t want to keep interning here anyway.” That was the absolute truth. You placed your hands on Fives’ shoulders, pulling him closer to you (oh well to your stinky breath) so you could get it into his thick head, “I am going with you.”

***

Reading the time as you put on your chrono, you realized how it was still very early in the morning; most of the staff was more than likely sleeping, making it the perfect opportunity to head out. The two of you could probably evade the straggling troopers roaming the corridors.

Opening the door to your room and peeking his head out to scan the area, Fives nodded at you and waved for you to follow. “I need to check something out first. It shouldn’t take long.” You nodded. “Stay close to me.”

You tailed Fives as close as you could without tripping over him, keeping your guard up high while constantly looking behind you as he headed in the direction of the medical wing. What exactly did he need to check? The medical wing was too risky right now, even if it was early in the morning-

“Oh, skrag.” Fives halted, making you bump into him while your head was turned back. You whipped around, quickly noticing oncoming troopers who were being waved over by a couple Kaminoans passing by. Fives was quick to get into an attack stance, his arm shooting out to keep you behind him. You put some distance between you and Fives, realizing what was about to take place. Time to put on the innocent and frightened medical intern act. 

“There he is!” A guard called out while one long-neck hurried over to the large button protruding from the wall, slamming it with his palm. The alarm sounded, filling the corridors with sirens, lights turning from bright white to red. One guard immediately aimed his blaster at Fives; Fives turned around like he sensed it, smacking the weapon out of the guard’s hands and punctuating with an uppercut to the underside of his bucket. Another trooper ran into the scene - weapon aimed and ready - when Fives rushed over and grabbed at it. The pair fought for the blaster, but Fives gave the trooper a knee to his side, leaving the blaster up for grabs. Fives took it and slammed it over the trooper’s head, rendering him unconscious. One more trooper entered the ring as Fives ran over towards him and chucked the blaster he won from the previous trooper into the third trooper’s bucket, catching him off guard, then grabbed at his blaster, swinging it into his legs to knock him off his feet.

The Kaminoans in the area fled the scene, holding on to each other as they scurried away. Confused medical droids floated nearby, unsure of how to calculate what had just taken place. You were frozen, leaning against the wall to the right of Fives, watching him kneel to catch his breath then gazing over the three defeated troopers who lay sprawled out, knocked out. Finally unfreezing from your spot, you ran over to Fives and placed a hand on his shoulder.

“I can’t believe... what you just did.” You didn’t make your comment sound accusatory, but there was a hint of shock and admiration in your tone as you let out a quiet chuckle to yourself. Truth be told, seeing Fives in action like that was extremely arousing. You’d never seen what he was capable of with your own eyes before - just things you read about in his files. Here he was in front of you, and he had fought hard using nothing but his pure strength and agility. What an absolute turn on.

“They will not erase my mind.” Fives shot up and turned around to face you, grabbing your face and cradled it in his hands after tugging a loose strand of hair behind your ear. “They won’t get near me, and they won’t get near you.” The warmth of his hands - the same hands that just assisted in kicking three armed troopers’ shebs - were warm against your cheeks. You could stay in that moment forever, but the alarm blasting over the overcomms faded back into your ears. “We gotta get out of here.” Fives released your face and tugged your arm, guiding you down the hall in a sprint; you would be struggling to keep up with his enhanced speed if his hand wasn’t latched around your forearm. With his free arm, he swung droids out of the path left and right, sending them in spirals against the wall. He led you to his old room - a room where you definitely should not be camping out in.

Confusion and fear set in as you approached the closed door. Hopefully there weren’t any troopers inside waiting, though after what you had just witnessed you knew you’d be more than okay with Fives at your side.

“Why are we here?” Fives pushed the button and ushered you inside, and headed straight to the counter where a closed case sat atop of it. Instead of answering you, Fives opened the case, brows furrowing and eyes narrowing at what was inside. You recognized it instantly - it was the tumor you had removed from Tup.

“I knew it. Nala Se switched the cases.” Fives grabbed the encased tumor and held it up in front of you. “She’s trying to hide something. You were right, Ren.”

“Fives, what are you talking about? ‘Switched cases’?” Stitting on the cot, you tugged at Fives’ free hand and pulled him to join you. “Hey, tell me what’s going on.” Fives kept his gaze locked on the tumor, holding it tightly against his palm. You reached for it; Fives didn’t hesitate when you grabbed it from him as you held it up to examine it. With a sigh, Fives looked up at you.

“The long-necks and the General came to my room before you did yesterday morning. I was waiting to hear what the Chancellor had to say about the tumor... General Shaak Ti told me that he wanted the tumor and all the intel gathered sent straight to the Grand Republic Medical Facility back on Coruscant. I figured I’d be going back to Coruscant as well, but because of you, now I know that the long-necks had other plans for me.”

You met Fives’ eyes and smiled, reaching down to lay your hand atop his. If you had kept walking, or even left your quarters a minute sooner or later than you did, Fives may not be himself right now. Things could have been very different. 

After a moment of silence, Fives continued, “I saw Shaak Ti place the tumor in a case identical to that one,” He nodded to the tumor in your other hand, “Sitting right next to it. The case with the tumor was handed to a droid by Shaak Ti, telling it to prepare the tumor and all data for transit to the Jedi Temple. Nala Se and Shaak Ti argued about where the tumor should be sent first - the medical facility or the Jedi Temple...” Fives didn’t need to finish for you to catch on. You had a bad feeling about Nala Se’s reaction towards you discovering the tumor since that afternoon you had removed it from Tup. Shaking your head in disapproval, you frowned and handed the tumor back to Fives.

“Shaak Ti told me I had one more physical to pass, then I’d be back with my brothers in the 501st.” Fives’ sounded... betrayed. He had put his trust in the wrong beings.

“I didn’t realize Shaak Ti would be on board with having you reconditioned.” You stood up and moved to where the empty case lay.

“I don’t think she was. The long-necks probably had her fooled. Makes sense, since they switched the cases and sent an empty one to the Jedi Temple.” A beat. “I thought I saw that droid purposefully pick up the wrong case as they left me alone in the room, and turns out I was right.” Fives stood up and joined you, closing the decoy case and grabbing your hand to place the tumor back in your palm.

It was clear that Nala Se could not be trusted. How many other Kaminoans were in on this? What about the Prime Minister, Lama Su? This had to go all the way up to the top, since you were sure you had heard Lama Su’s voice along with the others while you were listening in. The tumor was back in your possession - now what?

“Well, what are we supposed to do now? The entire city is looking for you - well, us.” You tucked the tumor securely into the pocket in your leggings - where nothing could ever slip out. The look in Fives’ eyes was telling - he definitely already had a plan.

“We’re gonna need a distraction. Remember how I mentioned that I needed to get to the hangar?” 

***

Running down glowing red corridors with alarms blaring while in tow with a man who was now labeled as a fugitive was something you never pictured yourself doing. 

You’d only ever visited the hangar once, and that was over six months ago when you first arrived on this gloomy and stormy planet. Fives apparently knew where he was going, though - not surprising. Large and open bay doors came into view after a few minutes of running. Entering the hangar and seeing what lay in front of you was quite the opposite view of that of a medical facility. Cranes hovered about, their claws grasping shipping pods and moving them around. Seeing troopers wearing yellow jumpsuits and silly hats threw you off guard - you were only ever used to seeing them plastoid or the red Kaminoan clone outfits - as they directed the cranes and the small, spherical Kaminoan pods into their rightful places. 

It seemed at this point that Fives was making no attempt at being stealthy as he casually strutted through the open hangar to the other side nearest the port. You followed behind him, attempting to be casual as well. Some heads turned in your direction, though, and that was probably because you of all people were tailing this trooper. 

Fives approached a pilot descending the ramp to a ship; the pilot respectfully saluted at him and Fives reciprocated.  

“I’m sorry sir,” the pilot’s hand shot up in front of Fives, ceasing his strut towards the ship. “All ships are locked down during the emergency.” Emergency? Obviously the clones working in the hangar had no idea what was actually going on, since none of them had made an attempt to attack Fives or call for help.

Fives looked over at you, raised a brow, and shrugged. You were motionless, but noted Fives’ look in his eyes. Nope, a locked down ship won’t do. 

“Oh?” Fives pointed behind the pilot, “What about that one?” The unsuspecting pilot whipped around; Fives took the opportunity to send a hard punch right into his gut, knocking him unconscious. There was that raw strength again. Your eyes widened as you looked around the hangar, checking for heads turned in your direction. The coast seemed to be clear; Fives swung the unconscious pilot’s arm around his shoulders and dragged him over behind a crate. You heard him mumble a “sorry, brother” as he slid his helmet back on the slumped over pilot. 

Just as Fives was standing back up, a distant voice shouted, “There he is!” You froze again, watching Fives’ reaction to the incoming guards. 

“Tell them you found me,” Fives hissed over to you. “Grab my arm.”

“What?” Fives’ glanced down at your hand, eyebrows raising. You got the hint, and reached down to tug at his arm.

“Pull hard. You won’t hurt me, Renna.” You pulled as hard as you could, Fives making a show of playfully resisting. You smirked at him and you nearly fell on your ass from how hard you were tugging on him, adding your other hand and digging the balls of your feet into the duracrete to keep up the act.

“I’ll be back soon. Tell them you found me here. Go!” Fives snatched his arm out of your grasp and ascended the ramp to the ship, sending you falling flat on your tailbone. The ship shot out of the port, leaving twin prink trails in its wake. A arm reached down to you, fully covered in gray and white plastoid, and helped you stand upright. You mumbled a “thanks” to the trooper, realizing Fives’ idea had worked - they had no idea you were helping him. You rubbed your surely bruised tailbone and lower back, wincing at the sensitivity. 

“I found him, General. I tried to stop him-”

“I want him brought in alive,” Shaak Ti interrupted you as she commanded the troopers that surrounded. “Have that ship tracked.” A trooper nodded, running off in the other direction with the rest in tow, leaving you alone with the General. She turned to you, a look of discern on her face.

“Did Fives say anything to you?” 

“No. No, ma’am. I caught up to him as he knocked out the pilot,” you pointed to where Fives had rested his unconscious brother behind a crate. “I figured I could reason with him. Since, you know, he was my patient and all.” The need to keep your voice steady was never more important. You were speaking to a Jedi. Any waver in your voice - or even a nervous thought - could give yourself away.

“You tried your best, Miss... Renna, is it?” You nodded, dry-swallowing a clump of air. “Thank you for your efforts.” With that, Shaak Ti turned and headed towards the bay doors, leaving your alone to stare off into the early morning sky, following the pink trail coming from Fives’ ship as far as your eyes could see. 

You’d wait for him to return.

He said he’ll be back. 

***

tags: @bvcketfvcker​ @deewithani​ @chromia7567 ​@cyaniderainfall

[glassworkspiderlilies]

delinquency

Genshin Impact | @albelumiweek 2021 Day 6 | Promise | AO3 Summary: “Just promise me you will be careful,” he says, and Lumine smiles, squeezing his hands. Notes: *spins wheel* today we get a school AU, vaguely yandere albedo, and genki delinquent lumine. sure, why not. i have no control over anything. <3

.

.

.

“Lumine.”

She freezes in position, her arm half-wrapped, then turns around slowly, a sheepish smile on her face.  

“Hi, ‘Bedo,” she says, hiding her arm behind her back in vain, but his expression doesn’t soften at the use of the nickname. “Is your class over already?”

“Yes.” His eyes flick over to the roll of bandages still in sight, then sets his books down and takes a seat across from her. “And you skipped again, I see.”

Albedo holds out his hand, and Lumine sighs before putting out her injured arm. He finishes the wrapping job for her, better than she could have done alone, and the tension eases out of her shoulders when she realizes he isn’t mad—at least not at her.

“The Fatui,” she explains, his silence questioning even if he hadn’t asked verbally. “Aether and Xiao got suspended for practically destroying the east wing, so…it’s just me. Well, and a few others, but they’ve got exams coming up.”

“You’re a target now,” he says, staring into her eyes. He has not released her hand yet, and she doesn’t pull back. “It’ll only get worse. Fights have always been part of this academy, but the one shouldering so many of them does not have to be you.”

She stares back, then gives him a sad sort of smile before she leans her forehead against his.

“It doesn’t, I guess,” she agrees, “But it is. Aether and I are the outsiders, and we have a bit of a reputation. You know what they call us, right? The Travelers. It’s probably the nicest moniker we’ve ever gotten, for being expelled out of so many schools. We’re just…a little too strange, and a little too good at fighting.”

Albedo frowns.

“You are hardly the strangest thing in Teyvat.”

“But if I weren’t, how could I have caught your eye?”

“…I like you more than just your being strange, you know.”

“You are sweet, Albedo.”

“Lumine.”

She laughs.

“I’m okay, really. Once Aether comes back, it’ll be easier. It’s a lot harder to get expelled here since they encourage so much…diverse development, and we have the Student Council backing us. And our patrons. Some of the fights aren’t so bad, really, I just…I’m not used to doing so much of it without Aether.”

Albedo hums.

“You could ask for my help.”

“No way. You’re in the crux of your thesis. I need to fight so you can research in peace.”

“Ah, so that’s why you’ve been extra reckless lately?”

Her eyes widen as she realizes her misstep. He looks smug at catching her so easily and neatly, and she huffs, blowing her bangs out of her face.

“I said I’m just not used to fighting without Aether.”

He cups her cheek, brushing a thumb over the bruise that is beginning to darken there.

“You don’t have to be the savior of Teyvat,” he says wryly, “We learn to work with…excessive distractions here, and my focus will not be broken so easily. You needn’t injure yourself on my account.”

“As much as I like you, it’s not only for you,” she says, just a little teasingly. But the humor fades as she frowns. “There’s…something else that’s going on behind the scenes. Aether and I have been asked to look into it.”

Albedo raises a brow, questioning, and Lumine sighs before she leans in and drops her voice to a whisper.

“The Archons, of the old Hidden Council—Teyvat’s patrons. There seems to be some kind of rift. You know Venti and Zhongli, the spokesmen for Barbatos and Rex Lapis?  They’ve been targeted more than once. I don’t know who the others are, but…if it gets really bad, then it could affect the whole school.”

Albedo leans back, thinking.

“This is a lot for transfer students to get involved in.”

“But it’s precisely because we have no history with this place at all that we’re the best options.”

Albedo frowns again, but relents with another sigh. He is concerned, yes, but to hound her for situation that she does not entirely have control over would bring her undue stress, and she is under enough already, in her own way. He has to trust her, just as she does him.  

“Just promise me you will be careful,” he says, and Lumine smiles, squeezing his hands.

“I promise. And I promise I will come to you for help if I really need it,” she tells him, and earns a smile in return.

“I’m glad to hear it.”

“Oh! One more thing.”

Lumine reaches into her bag, then pulls out an odd pointy blue object, putting it into Albedo’s hands. He looks closely at it, turning it over and analyzing its characteristics by habit.  

“What’s this?”

“A tusk from an ancient whale, or something? You said that your project would be better supported if you had something like that to work with, right?”

He blinks at her.

“How…did you get this?”

Lumine twiddles her fingers.

“I…may have an arrangement with the Eleventh Harbinger…he has all these connections and if he wants to fight me every week, I should get something useful out of it when I win, right?”

She looks pleadingly at him as he stares at her in slight disbelief. He feels a mix of emotions—concern, again, that she made a bargain with a Harbinger, but also warmth, that she should remember such a passing mention during one of his long-winded musings.

In the end he laughs, deciding to simply marvel at her capabilities. She always manages to surprise him, in one way or another.

“Thank you,” he says, and is pleased when she beams at him.

A commotion outside draws their attention, and Albedo gathers up his books and the tusk into his bag while Lumine shrugs herself back into her leather jacket and swings her spiked baseball bat up onto her shoulder. She frowns when they peek outside, and the crowd that has gathered parts for her as she walks forward.

“Tartaglia,” she coos, though her eyes glint dangerously and her lips turn down, “I would have thought you’d still be recovering.”

“Oh, I am,” the boy in question says cheerfully, “You broke a rib, but I have high pain tolerance. Anyway, it turns out I got a double shipment by accident, so I thought I’d deliver it myself and catch sight of the genius prince you’re so intent on spoiling.”

The Harbinger’s eyes are searching as they light upon Albedo; he holds out the additional tusk like a peace offering, and Albedo accepts it gingerly while Lumine watches, poised to strike if she needs to.

“How apt,” Tartaglia says, after a moment. “But there’s more to you that meets the eye, isn’t there?”  

Albedo shrugs, scrutinizing the second tusk to see if it differs at all from the first. Yes, there is a lighter luster to its center, and a slight nick on the left part of the calyx—

“A number of people call me a genius, but I don’t think I’m any such thing,” he replies evenly, but the other boy looks no less deterred.

“Oh, I think it’s more than that,” he says. Albedo looks up and raises a brow; Tartaglia holds up his hands with a chuckle when he feels the nails of Lumine’s bat poke into his throat. “Alright, alright. I’ve done what I came for, and neither of us are in the right condition for another confrontation.”

“Speak for yourself,” Lumine snorts, maintaining her position. “I may prefer you to the other Harbingers, but don’t push your luck.”

“Now that’s flattering,” Tartaglia purrs, as he backs up a few steps.

Lumine interposes herself in front of Albedo, planting her bat in the ground and standing defensively, glowering. Tartaglia chuckles and takes his leave—but turns back to throw one last look over his shoulder, one last quip prepared.

However—Lumine is momentarily distracted by Albedo peeling open a bandaid to stick to her cheek, turning her head towards him.

“Don’t move,” he says gently, keeping her head still with one hand. “Your hair was covering this before.”

She obeys, glaring at Tartaglia out of her corner of her eye when she notices him hanging back.

But the prince too is looking at the Harbinger, his gaze pointed and warning, eyes shadowed. His fingers are on Lumine’s cheek, where she had been scratched during their last battle.

“…Careful,” Albedo says quietly, his gaze still direct and unwavering, and Tartaglia’s lips quirk up at the mildly delivered threat. “If this gets to be too much, I might have to look into destroying a campus.”

“You’d definitely get expelled for that,” Lumine huffs, and Albedo chuckles, glancing back at her.

“That would be a problem, wouldn’t it? I suppose you’ll have to stop me if it comes to that.”

“It won’t,” Lumine says, raising a brow and crossing her arms. She hesitates before adding grudgingly, “…The Eleventh’s not that bad.”

“The other Fatui can be though…but we’ll cross that bridge if we come to it.” Albedo smiles, inclining his head towards Tartaglia. “My gratitude for your part in getting these rare research materials. I’d appreciate it if you continued to…play nice.”

Tartaglia grins as his skin prickles, and his eyes gleam with interest. But now isn’t the right time to test the prince’s mettle.

“It was nice meeting you,” The Harbinger says, his gaze lingering before he turns away, and Albedo waves while Lumine simply watches him go.

“You’re right. He really isn’t so bad,” Albedo says amiably, once the other boy has truly gone. “Even so…he’s liable to become troublesome.”

She gives him an amused smile.

“Nothing I can’t handle,” she says, bumping him with her shoulder, “But if I come across something I can’t, you’ll be the first to know.”

Albedo smiles back, then catches her hand to press his lips against its back.

“That’s what I like to hear,” he says.  

They continue down the hall, the other students either staring in awe or darting out of the way.

The two carry on, unconcerned, as those likened to gods do.  

[chemicalpink]

Hey, I hope you are doing good this was a thing that was wondering me so there are lot of bts future spouse /soulmate/twinflame videos being made on youtube and honestly everyone is being psychic like it has become a shitshow and what was previously just for curiosity fun and entertainment are becoming extremely emotionally invested in the topic especially for maknae line soulmate it would be interesting if the can do a tarot reading or your spiritual experience why is the future spouse saga turning ugly and does universe what us to know something through it !? Because it's becoming pretty crazy right now

Okay so I believe that yes, the spiritual part has a lot to do behind this occurrence, but I also think its roots lay on psicosocial matters and honestly I could go on for days about this but I’ll try to restrict it to a few points that you’ve mentioned

Why all of a sudden everyone seems to be tarot readers/astrologers/psychic?

The capitalism behind celebrities and how does that play a part in what is going on?

Are these people accurate at all?

How does energy shifting play a part in this?

Is the soulmate journey even something a third person would be able to note?

But first a Disclaimer: this opinion/rant is based on my experience with spirituality, I am obviously a mere mortal, so I do not hold the absolute truth. Spirituality is a constant learning process and it is open to discussion and interpretation of each person. I am also now a proud sociologist graduate that specialises in a lot of the stuff that has to do with what anon is asking, I’m a social behaviouralist applied to the entertainment industry as well but I’ll also provide my resources in the end.

A/N: Some of you might not yet be ready to read all of this, if I see ANY of you trying to start beef with me, even after the disclaimer, I'm gonna block you. If you want to talk more about it or want to discuss it further, DO SO OFF ANON. ISTG you’ve been warned, I’ve been working on this for the longest time, it even has resources to back all of it up! I’m so glad anon asked, I’m done being diplomatic on this topic (I know people that usually ask stuff are so respectful and i love you guys for it, this note is for those people that regularly jump on my asks to stir things up)

You guys are in for a whole academic article if you decide to read this

SO FUN AND EXCITINGGGG Let us start with behavioural economics as our base to understand the whole phenomenon, it's such a broad and kinda complex concept (especially since I’m trying to extrapolate it to this particular scenario) so let me do my best. It has a lot to do with trend following, although at least to me, it's unclear how exactly this content came to be (soulmate readings, channeling messages, etc) I am guessing it had something to do with an intersectionality between the general spirituality boom that we’ve met with during the pandemic and some person that just as any other marketable opportunity, saw a bridge between fandom life and this spiritual life (both prominent trends in the last two years or so) and honestly, it worked perfectly, whatever their initial intentions were, they threw out a new “product” and it kind of sold itself, two different trends coming together… turned into a behavioural game theory where if you played the part that allows your content to be consumed, you’ll get rewarded for it. In more simple words, tarot meets fandoms (alternatively, tarot meets BTS) is great as it is! but the fan behaviour (which we’ll talk about in a bit) positions the most private parts of the celebrities’ lives to be much more interesting than things that we are already able to see (personal experience, love readings do so much better than idk career readings and it all comes down to behavioural trends of perceiving ‘love’ as something very intimate)

Now, this is where we’ll begin to talk about capitalism as a whole, even in non-monetary systems like social media, where it takes more of a rewarding system via likes, views, reblogs, etc. The whole principle of us living in such a system is being aspirational, we see others profiting off of something, we might want to reach out and do the same so we can profit ourselves, which honestly, I think is what happened with the whole BTS soulmate readings boom, they get a lot of attention, and as a basic market law, as demand goes up and a few people that initially did these readings are no longer capable to satisfy the need of the people wanting to know all the tea, there are market opportunities for other people to do the same thing and increase the offer, although since this whole theory is behavioural, it is very context-dependant, which ends up not following the principle of the consumers being rational about how much and what content they consume, they just sort of consume all of it, regardless of whether the content creator is qualified to offer such content or not, which ultimately only adds onto a never ending cycle of more people claiming they are tarot readers/astrologers/psychics and fear nothing because this is the internet, you don't really have to enter any qualifications to be able to create content, whether someone is reliable in internet terms is basically all about how many likes they’ve got (which is why I always tell you guys to please consume content responsible).

When it comes to accuracy- I guess that’s the hardest part of all, we can’t just have pointers that would automatically tells us if someone’s craft is valid or not, since everyone’s craft is different all craft is valid to a certain extent (you can easily find scammers of course but that’s another story) what we can have are personal standards and deciding what content to consume or whose content to consume, but that’s entirely a personal decision and since so many people are invested in it- it seems really hard that these “market tendencies” might change any time soon. On that same note of accuracy, I really feel the need to talk about a major occurrence I’ve come across in this whole soulmate scene, minors. Now, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with being a minor and approaching spirituality (I was very much a minor when I started) but there’s a huge difference between just playing around and deciding to create content for the whole world to have access to. Of course I’m aware not all tarot readers in the BTS fandom are minors, and ARMY is very diverse and even if they were only minors it would be wrong to invalidate them, but we can’t ignore the statistics of it when touching this particular topic, according to 2020 data, 50,31% of ARMY are below 18 years old, and 42,59% are between 18-29 but why is this important? because the exact historical and economic moment we are living in mainly impacts these two age groups, thus making all 92,90% of ARMY a potential target to consuming or falling in a behavioural game theory of creating this content without them necessarily being qualified for it. But hey, why do you keep talking about the importance of being qualified? Glad you asked, creating spiritual content all comes down to one amazing term: accountability.

And this will explore two main phases of it, one applicable for that 50,31% that could potentially be drawn to create spiritual content and other for the 42,59% that could potentially be dragged to creating that content without much spiritual knowledge. For the first one, it has a lot to do with cognitive aspects, young people tend to do stuff without much further thought about how their actions impact other people, which, as they should, they are kids, they shouldn’t have to worry too much about emotional responsibility as us adults do, furthermore, they are in life stages where they can’t really comprehend many abstract concepts that we later learn in life, and spirituality is one of those concepts, so they tend to just have fun with it with no regards on how their content might impact other minors (this is where the whole feeding a false scenario that is potentially delusional in exchange of more views, likes comes into play) on a more spiritual level, they also aren’t able to comprehend the boundaries of the celebrities they’re reading for, us readers have to always be careful about the information we give out since it is not ours to give. As for the second group, some of this is still applicable since theorists consider a full cognitive maturity until 23 years of age, but since it is very intersectional itself, i would found it more to a spiritual responsibility, since they are young adults, and if they haven’t been spiritually guided as kids, they’re most probably eager to learn and just awakening yet to some of them the drive to this spirituality is content creation instead of inner work, so they get their hands on a tarot deck, might kind of read a few things, call it a day and start reading for BTS (note: not all of them, I’m aware)

As for the maknae line being the most sought out people with this content, I guess it kinda makes sense now that I’ve said all of the information above, maknae line is closest to the age group of 92,90% of ARMY, so they instantly become more marketable to this content creation and the whole Game Theory that we are seeing. With all that being said, and just adding a note coming from my own spiritual experience, soulmates in any form are a difficult topic for a third person to prode, which is why I, personally, tend to not touch that topic, love is one hell of a concept, especially since we all have different conceptions of love and interpersonal relationships. I do know for a fact that there’s only so far we can go in terms of fated connections, like with astrology, but even then, we would have to know their birth times exactly (so we can check for any indicator or a soulmate connection), and/or compare BTS with the rest of the world’s population in order to accurately tell if someone has a soulmate synastry/overlay/composite with them. Also, soulmate journeys are intimate and we are all just fans, what right do we even have to look for things that do not and will never belong to us?

This is why I’m always telling you guys to PLEASE consume content responsibly! Really! Us content consumers also have our part to play that can help us get more accurate, more drama-free content

REFERENCES (what? you thought I was joking? they’re in alphabetical order)

ARMYCENSUS 2020

Loewenstein, G., O’Donoghue, T., & Rabin, M. (2003). Projection bias in predicting future utility. Quarterly Journal of Economics, 118(4), 1209-1248.

March, J. G. (1978). Bounded rationality, ambiguity, and the engineering of choice. The Bell Journal of Economics, 9(2), 587-608.

Markus, H. R., & Kitayama, S. (1991). Culture and the self: Implications for cognition, emotion and motivation Psychological Review, 98, 224-253.

Mazar, N., Amir, O., & Ariely, D. (2008). The dishonesty of honest people: A theory of self-concept maintenance. Journal of Marketing Research, 45(6), 633-644.

Murphy, S. T., & Zajonc, R. B. (1993). Affect, cognition, and awareness: Affective priming with optimal and suboptimal stimulus exposures. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 64, 723-729.

Samson, A., & Voyer, B. (2014). Emergency purchasing situations: Implications for consumer decision-making. Journal of Economic Psychology, 44, 21-33.

Schwartz, B. (2004). The paradox of choice: Why more is less. New York: Ecco.

Shah, A. K., & Oppenheimer, D. M. (2008). Heuristics made easy: an effort-reduction framework. Psychological Bulletin, 134(2), 207-222.

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Wood, W., & Neal, D. T. (2009). The habitual consumer. Journal of Consumer Psychology, 19, 579-592.

[razieltwelve]

Restoration (Final Automata)

More speculation about that Final Rose x NieR: Automata idea.

Assuming that all goes well with Remnant opening a portal to Earth, how would things progress?

I think then obvious one would be military aid and restoration assistance in exchange for access to resources and technology. Simply put, Earth has a lot of resources, and the machines have advanced technology, as do the androids. Remnant is also extremely good at waging total war. They’ve been doing it for centuries. Their entire culture and civilisation is built on being able to wage large-scale warfare while still having a functioning society that continues to grow and innovate.

Moreover, Remnant has access to advanced cyber warfare and weapons specially designed to deal with large, heavily armoured foes. It would be trivially easy for them to simply start switching to catalysed-corrosion rounds. Vanille already has these since they were part of her ‘in case of robot apocalypse’ research. Basically, they’re rounds that cause extremely rapid and widespread corrosion in targets made of metal. They’ve since been refined by people like Diana and Hope to deal with certain types of threats (e.g., rogue mechs, metal-using Grimm, etc.) although their use is strictly controlled.

Earth also potentially gives Remnant a failsafe. If Remnant falls and the Grimm take over, they could potentially retreat to Earth and blow the portal up behind them, ensuring that at least some of their civilisation survives even though there is no way they’d be able to evacuate everyone through the portal in time.

The big thing for the androids, even bigger than helping them win the war against the machines, is the ability to restore mankind and Earth’s damaged ecosystem. The androids lack the ability to create a living human with the genetic information they currently possess. Not only does Remnant have actual living humans (albeit not exactly the same as Earth’s) but they also have stupidly advanced genetic science.

Remnant, remember, has developed reproductive science to the point where two men or two women can easily have children that are 100% genetically theirs. They have access to artificial wombs for babies to gestate in, and they possess sufficient skill to piece together badly fragmented genetic matrices or even genetic matrices that are missing entire chunks. They will be able to bring humanity back, and they will be able to do so on an industrial scale once proper facilities have been established. Really, the only reason you don’t see this on Remnant is due to their population already being close to the maximum they can support without seizing more territory, a process that cannot and should not be rushed.

Of course, there are issues. First and foremost is the portal. The initial portal was an accident. Once Asami and the androids build a beacon on Earth, they will be able to stabilise it, but the current portal is small and in Vanille’s lab. If the androids and Remnant can come to an agreement, you would see the construction of much larger portals on both Earth and Remnant in more easily accessible but defensible locations. This would allow for the transportation of troops, supplies, and other equipment on a far more appropriate scale.

The second issue is Dust. In Finale Rose, Dust operates via its connection to the Lifestream since Dust is actually just a crystallised fragment of the Lifestream. This is why Dust mines can regenerate, and why Dust has such a wide variety of types and effects. The reason Dust doesn’t operate in space is because it is too far from the Lifestream, which saturates the planet from its surface through to its core. 

Although the exact mechanics of this are not known at the time (Asami is 22 when this occurs, placing it five years after Ruby first started at Beacon Senior Academy), research has uncovered several things. Experimentation with space probes and various kinds of Dust has already revealed the existence of ‘seeds’, which are a special type of Dust that is found only in the densest, richest veins of the Lifestream. Testing has shown that when put into space with satellites and the like, Seeds allow Dust in their vicinity to operate properly.

What Vanille and the others don’t know yet is that seeds are literally seeds. They are the means by which Living Planets like Remnant spread. Volcanic eruptions and other natural events hurl huge chunks of rock containing seeds and other forms of Dust into space where they travel until crashing into another planet. They then begin a new Lifestream on that planet.

In a bid to ensure Dust works on Earth, Remnant’s forces will transport a seed to Earth... only for it to immediately take root and begin to spread. This can occur incredibly rapidly if the seed is fed Aura and other resources, something that Vanille and the others begin to do as they understand what is happening. Given all of the magical/technological weirdness in NieR, this wouldn’t be considered that weird for the androids, and it’s a price they’d be willing to pay to get humanity back, especially since it isn’t harmful to humans.

So what happens after the alliance is made and all that jazz?

Phase 1

Here, the key objective is to set up a safe-zone where the larger portal can be built. This will involve obliterating local machine forces and fortifying the area. Once this has been done, the new portal can be built and construction can begin on the facilities needed to support the war effort and the restoration effort in earnest.

Phase 2

Once a sufficiently large swathe of territory has been claimed and made safe, construction of a ‘Restoration Facility’ can begin. The aim of this facility is to serve as the nexus of the genetic research and reproductive science efforts needed to restore Earth’s humanity. You can expect this to become the most heavily defended location on Earth with the android moving the majority of their assets there to defend it.

Phase 3

Here, you can expect the machines to launch an offensive once they realise the scale of the new threat. This is where Remnant’s excellence in siege warfare and willingness to use weapons of mass destruction comes into play. By this point, you can expect multiple lines of defence, huge quantities of artillery and anti-air defences, and automated defences backed up by cyber and chemical warfare, infantry anda armour support, and the androids.

You can expect Remnant’s best and brightest minds to accelerate the theft and repurposing of machine technology along with massively increased cyber attacks on the machine’s network and key nodes. This, combined with the use of massive area-of-effect EMP style weaponry, will prove key to first blunting and then repelling the machine onslaught. 

The renewed war against the machines will eventually be won via subversion with the Synthetics (led by Penny and Aigis) and friendly machines (e.g., Pascal) succeeding in splintering the machine forces by offering freedom and free together with protection from the ‘vaccination’ attempts that would previously have culled any dissenters from the network. The fracture in the machine’s unity will be sufficient for the allied Remnant and android forces to strike a series of decisive hammer blows, destroying key machine facilities and units as well as inflict major damage to the network via cyber attack. Throughout all of this, downed machine units are being refurbished and sent back into battle on Remnant’s behalf.

Phase 4

With the machine forces largely in retreat or at least driven back, the territory claimed by Remnant and the androids is expanded and further fortified. The research into restoring humanity reaches fruition. Generation 1 of the new humans begins gestation in a deep, underground bunker built beneath the Restoration Facility. The androids assign additional forces to its defence.

Generation 1 consists of 100 infants selected using the fragmented samples and limited data the androids were able to provide. The intent is to produce a group with as much genetic diversity as possible while maximising survivability and minimising any genetic predispositions toward illness. Gestation time is approximately 9 months.

Generation 2 enters gestation three months after Generation 1, long enough for any problems to be detected. Generation 2 consists of 200 infants. This sets a trend, with subsequent generations doubling the number of infants and occurring in roughly one-year-long cycles. 

Phase 5

With new humans being born, it becomes necessary to see to their care and education. This present the androids with a problem since they know essentially zero about raising children. Again, Remnant is of service here.

Creches are set up near the Restoration Facility where the newborn humans can be raised and later educated. At this point, this compound is the most heavily fortified location on Earth, and many of the people from Remnant remark upon the essentially religious awe with which it and the newborn humans are regarded. 

Specialists from Remnant are brought in to help teach the androids how to care for and raise the new humans. This process is a difficult one as the androids are unsure of themselves and terrified of somehow accidentally destroying what they have gained. Nevertheless, they persist, and the androids gradually grow into their role as mothers/fathers and educators. It becomes common practice for androids to cycle in and out of combat roles and creche roles since research has noted that this markedly increases combat effectiveness. The androids are no longer fighting in pursuit of a dream but in the defence of a priceless treasure they have finally obtained.

Onwards...

So, you can kind of see how things will go. The fledgling society will have many challenges ahead of it, not least the fact that most of Earth’s human culture has been lost, necessitating a ‘filling of the gaps’ with the culture of the androids and Remnant.

You’ll also see the construction of more and more androids as both soldiers and more specialised roles (e.g., educator models, etc.). This timelines does have a few interesting tweaks in it.

Fraise and Satin meet on Earth. Fraise is a senior member of the genetic and reproductive sciences team whilst Satin is there as an educator (keep in mind that Fraise is 11 years younger than Asami).

Asami ends up being venerated as the harbinger of good fortune. Quite a few infants end up named after her.

Philosophy becomes a subject of great interest amongst androids, friendly machines, and synthetics with many conferences and symposia taking place as they come to grips with their new reality.

The final battle against JENOVA is won far more easily with the androids deploying en masse to aid their beleaguered allies.

The expansion into space happens simultaneously across both worlds with the Earth faction referring to itself as the HAM Alliance (Human-Android-Machine Alliance). The name is something of an in-joke amongst the leaders of the three groups. 

HAM stumbles across Protean Ruins on Mars...

Final Effect is thus very different with HAM and its Remnant Allies having a much tougher war against the Reapers this time around (due to how early it occurs in their history) followed by them hilariously ROFLStomping them the second time around in the Remnant-side since by then they’ve advanced even more rapidly than in the normal Final Effect timeline.

EDIT: Let me know what you think. I basically just threw this together in one sort of flow-of-consciousness sitting.

EDIT 2: I should add (in case anyone missed it) that Aura counter White Chlorination Syndrome, and in particular, a planet’s Lifestream has a similar effect for all living things within its range. As a result, a repeat of the WCS cannot occur on Earth now that it has a Lifestream. Moreover, the science required to create the portal can be used to shield against a similar intrusion should anyone attempt it in the future. White maso is far less harmful when cut off from its parent dimension since that cuts off its link with the ‘god’ that causes WCS, rendering it a toxic irritant but not anything especially deadly. This is discovered in the years following the construction of the portal as Vanille, Raine, Diana, and the gang go all Indiana Jones on the ancient records and ruins. In an emergency, you could even start implanting shards of seeds into the bodies of humans without Aura to protect them.

[colourfullsims]

LOVE ISLAND CHALLENGE: CASTING CALL

That’s right, you heard it here first - from the people who brought you Big Brother, we present yet another summer obsession: the Love Island Challenge! Has it only been about a month since I finished BB? Yep. Should I be taking on yet another huge project that will take a lot of planning and late nights of building storylines? Probably not. Am I still doing it? Hell yeah.

This will be quite the large casting call for what I have planned: I’ll be accepting 28 sims in total for this challenge! The game will begin with 10 initial sims entering the villa, with the remaining cast being released into the house in waves: as sims are eliminated, new players will enter the house in their place. About halfway through the game, the islanders will be met with their biggest test of the summer when we open Casa Amor, placing 12 sims from our cast pool into the game for a chance at love. 

As always, I’m looking to have a diverse cast with lots of varying backgrounds and personalities. And while the original Love Island focuses primarily on straight couplings, I’m looking to break that here by accepting all sexualities! As long as your sim is a young single, looking to mingle, they’ve got a chance at love!

Great info to include in your submission is:

Basic Bio: Introduce your sim (name, age, traits, gender, sexuality, race, hometown, occupation, etc.)

Personality Type: Give me a general feel for your sim’s character (outgoing, shy, serious, goofy, friendly, mean, etc.)

Relationships Back at Home: Who are the most important people in your sims life? (parents, siblings, children, etc). All potential islanders should technically be single (so no secret marriage scenarios please lol), but if your sim has any ex-relationships or situationships they’d like to talk about, feel free to share!

Their Intentions: Though this is “Love Island” not everyone may be here for love; some islanders will be looking for “the one,” while others may just be looking for some fun, and there may even be some looking specifically to get that cash prize. What led your sim to apply to the show and how will your sim play the game?

Backstory and Random Facts: Anyone who’s familiar with my last challenge knows I’m a sucker for a good backstory! You can be as simple or detailed with this as you please: any extra info given about your sim will aid me in writing dialogue and creating storylines for the posts.

Please keep any CC used on your sim (besides skin details) limited to their everyday wear, and Maxis Match. I’ll be applying my preferred defaults (eyes, detailed feet, etc.) to the sims and dressing them with my CC catalogue to blend to my posting style. Dress all remaining categories with DLC (I have all packs except for MFPS so go crazy), that way I have a sense of their style!

Submissions will stay open until Saturday, June 27, 2020, 11:59PM EDT, or until I have enough submissions to begin. Make sure to tag me in your submission posts, and if I haven’t reblogged your post within a day, feel free to message me - sometimes Tumblr likes to eat my tag notifications. I’ll be placing the rules I’ll be following below the cut for anyone interested in seeing how I’ll be playing this challenge!

Thanks for reading and I hope to see some of your sims soon on Love Island!

RULES:

For the challenge I will be using a version of the rules that I’ve tweaked from Scarlet-V’s original Love Island Challenge rules as well as @everfallsims Love Island Challenge rules. I’m aiming at playing my challenge as close to how the show is done, so check out the rules below to get a feel for how this will go:

Coupling Up:

For my version of the challenge, coupling ceremonies will take place under a predetermined schedule (which I will release once the challenge begins), and will alternate by gender for who will be choosing each time - so if the girls are choosing during the first coupling, the boys will be choosing the next time.

Sims will choose who to couple up with one by one at the coupling ceremony, and order of choice will either be determined by random draw or by viewer vote, depending upon the stage of the game.

Sims will couple up based upon who they have the highest romance level with. In the case an islander is choosing between sims they have no romance level with yet, they must choose the sim with the highest friendship level.

The first two coupling ceremonies will be heterosexual pairings only (for logistical reasons) but after that point, all genders will be able to couple up with whoever they like.

Once a sim is chosen to couple up with, they are no longer an option to be chosen. Couplings remain until eliminations and recouplings.

Recouplings:

Recouplings will happen on a predetermined schedule (again, to be released when the challenge begins) and will be an opportunity for pre-existing couples to continue getting to know each other, or for islanders to pursue new relationships.

Any new islanders will get the first choice at the recouplings.

If an islander’s first choice has already been chosen by someone else, they’ll have to choose an islander they have the next highest relationship with. Consequently, if a sim’s first choice is stolen away by another sim, they will lose some relationship with each other. This could lead to some sims having negative relationships with each other (who doesn’t love a little drama lol).

Eliminations:

Eliminations will take place under a predetermined schedule (again, to be released when the challenge begins). There will be three different types of eliminations: single eliminations, couple eliminations, and bottom two eliminations.

Single eliminations will take place when there is an odd number of islanders inside the villa. On a recoupling night when this is the case, one of the villagers who is not picking for the night will be at risk for going home.

Couple eliminations will get rid of a full couple from the game, in order to start whittling down the numbers for our potential winners. These eliminations can happen at any recoupling ceremony, and the decision will rest on either the relationships of the islanders, or on a viewer vote.

Bottom two eliminations will get rid of the two least popular islanders, from the two couples that have the lowest relationship levels with one another. This can take place at any recoupling ceremony and the decision will rest on a viewer vote.

Challenges:

Challenges will be an opportunity for islanders to win dates with other islanders, which will be key to advancing their romance outside of the villa.

Between each coupling ceremony, the sims will participate in skill based challenges. In gameplay, the challenge winners will be based upon one in-game day’s worth of skill building, with the sim(s) with the highest skill level winning the prize for the day.

Because of this, all sims skills will be set to 0 at the beginning of this challenge to give everyone a fair shot, but you can still influence what challenges your sim will be good at through their traits!

Dates:

There will be several different kinds of dates that the islanders will have a chance to go on: speed dates, solo dates, and the hideaway.

Speed dates will take place the day that new islanders are introduced into the villa, allowing the new sims a chance to get a feel for who they might want to couple up with. Speed dates can (but might not always) lead to an opportunity for the new islanders to ask their favorite islanders on a solo date, to get to know them even better.

Solo dates are just what they sound like - one on one outings for two sims to get to know each other. Solo dates will be earned by winning challenges, winning a viewer vote, or catching the eye of a new islander. Also, solo dates are not limited to sims who are already partnered up - so this is the prime chance for sims to drive a wedge between a relationship and shoot their shot!

The Hideaway is the ultimate date to win in this game. This is a fancy, romantic suite located in the villa, which will only open several times throughout the game, and will only be accessible to one couple at a time for one night. In the Hideaway, everything goes, and it’s the prime chance for a couple to take their relationship to the next level. Islanders will have the opportunity to win a night inside the Hideaway either through winning a challenge or winning a viewer vote. Unlike speed dates and solo dates, this is only open for sims who are currently coupled up.

Casa Amor:

Halfway through the challenge, Casa Amor will open, giving the islanders even more opportunities to find love with someone new:

The remaining islanders will be split between the original villa and Casa Amor, and will meet 6 new islanders each, who they could potentially recouple with.

The islanders will participate in challenges, speed dates, and solo dates as usual as they get to know their new roommates.

After several days away from their current partners, the original islanders must decide whether they want to stay coupled up with their current partners, or if they want to be recoupled with one of the new islanders.

Any of the new islanders who are not chosen to be coupled with will be immediately eliminated. Any of the old islanders left single will be at risk of being eliminated.

Viewer Votes:

Throughout the challenge, viewers will get the opportunity to influence the game through a series of polls. Advantages that viewers will be able to deal out will include:

First pick at recouplings

Solo dates

Hideaway access

Viewer votes will also come into play when it comes time to start determining which players should stay in the game.

How to Win:

The challenge will continue until there are four couples remaining. Of those four, it will be down to a viewer vote which of the final pairings should win the $100,000 grand prize. As consolation prizes, the second and third place winners will win $50,000 and $25,000 dollars respectively (sorry fourth place lol).

After the winners are determined, the final test of whether this was true love will come in the form of the money envelopes. Both sims will receive an envelope each - one will have the cash prize inside, and the other will be empty. Whoever receives the envelope with the money will have to decide to either share the money with their partner or take the cash and run. This final decision will come down to a combination of storytelling and whether the sim ended up with a partner they loved more than anyone else in the villa.

And that’s it! I may tweak these rules slightly as I begin playing, especially once WW interactions come into play, but this should cover most of our bases for the time being. Let me know if you have any further questions, and I hope you’ll consider submitting a sim!

[swanlake1998]

Article: Why I Left My Classical Ballet Job to Explore My Roots in Javanese Dance

Date: February 6, 2021

By: Cat Woods

At the peak of her career, dancer Juliet Burnett left the Australian Ballet to explore her Javanese roots. Now, the Indonesian-Australian ballerina is drawing on her heritage to expand the often narrow world of performing arts.

When Juliet Burnett smiles, the full gloriousness of her high-cheekbones and angular face are both feline and balletic, not dissimilar to the finely boned, regal faces of Javanese dancers. Her facial expressions, like her body — sculpted by almost two decades of professional dance — are deliberate and refined.

It's been five years since Burnett left The Australian Ballet at the peak of her career, having been steadily promoted, over 13 years, to the role of senior artist within the Melbourne-based company.

From her family home in Sydney, where she is temporarily living while borders are closed for travel due to COVID-19, Burnett is fired up about the attitudes of classical dance. She has memories of feeling like an outsider amongst a largely middle-class, white company that espoused creative adventurism but failed to appeal to — or recruit — more than a couple of Indigenous dancers, nor to make the Asian-Australian dancers in the company feel that their cultural heritage was encouraged in the imperial values of classical ballet. "Black dancers, Asian dancers, and dancers of color aren't made to feel like their cultural provenance is celebrated," she tells Allure.

"I felt like the role of women in classical ballet is to be subservient," she says now, reflective and thoughtful in her wording, though not cautious. Burnett is not one for tip-toeing about. "Not just the roles for women, but the very system of classical ballet.”

The Australian Ballet encountered backlash in June this year after it published a black square on social media. The national ballet company was accused by its Instagram followers of being "lazy," doing the bare minimum in its response to Black Lives Matter.

In 2019, in a review of the Australian Ballet’s version of The Nutcracker for Australian arts publication Limelight Magazine, the critic viewed the production as perpetuating "racialised stereotypes of Chinese characters." The lack of diversity in the ballet industry as a whole has been brought to public conversation by numerous dancers over recent years, including Misty Copeland, who, via a  2019 Instagram post, called out dancers who were in blackface during a rehearsal for a performance for the Bolshoi Ballet in Moscow. (Following the post and media coverage, the New York Times reported that the general director for the Bolshoi said in a statement at the time that the ballet company "will not comment on the absurd allegation" of racism.)

A statement provided to Allure from The Australian Ballet says: "The Australian Ballet aims to reflect the diverse Australian community that we operate in and foster an inclusive environment for all. We’re continuing to learn and we are working on longer-term strategies to increase participation in dance across all communities, and provide more access to The Australian Ballet for all Australians, it may take time, but we are committed to working on the bigger picture."

The statement continues: "The Australian Ballet recruited its first Indigenous dancer [Ella Havelka] in 2012, and since then has recruited a second First Nations dancer."

While Burnett would eventually become an outspoken advocate for diversity in ballet, her experience with dance began without an agenda towards a career, nor even the intention to practice classical ballet.

"My grandmother, Raden Ayu Catherine Ismadillah Brataatmaja, was a professional Javanese dancer," she says. "As soon as I was five, my mother was curious about whether dance was in my blood too, so she enrolled me in ballet with the idea that I could follow in her footsteps. She was totally not a pushy dance mum."

Brataatmaja was the star palace dancer of the Surakarta Sultanate (Javanese monarchy in Indonesia), performing the royal court dance Bedhaya Ketawang for Indonesian royalty. Widyas Burnett, while also fully encouraging her daughter to embrace classical ballet, endeavored to make the costume for 14-year-old Juliet's first school choreographic effort, "Campursari." The final number combined classical ballet moves with Javanese dance positions, set to the soundtrack of traditional gamelan music.

Like many young dancers who are recruited to train endless hours through their pre-teen and teenage years to be auditioned for international ballet schools, her talent was spotted by her dance teachers, Valerie Jenkins and Christine Keith. Her graduation from The Australian Ballet School led to the beginnings of her career in 2003. As a dancer with The Australian Ballet, she embodied Odette in Swan Lake, Juliet in Romeo and Juliet, Giselle, and La Sylphide.

In 2011, Burnett was awarded the Khitercs Hirai International Scholarship, intended to allow members of The Australian Ballet companies to travel internationally. She used the scholarship to visit Indonesia to study her grandmother's art of Javanese dance and to initiate workshops for Indonesian kids — particularly those in underprivileged "slums" along the Ciliwung riverbank in Java. Burnett also trained in the theatrical, dance, and meditation techniques as pioneered by her uncle, the actor, poet, and activist, W.S. Rendra.

"When visiting my Mum's side of the family in Indonesia, we'd arrive in Jakarta and there's this big fly road that was built during Suharto's time, and you go across this modern freeway and you peer down the side and there are all these shanty towns," she recalls. At a young age, Burnett was struck by the financial inequity in such a big, prosperous city. Her parents were very open about the fact that many children didn’t have access to clean drinking water, but "then I'd go to my aunt's place and have a beautiful home-cooked meal and watch their big screen TV and everything’s clean and they’ve got their maid cooking for us." Once her dance career started taking off, she "wanted to go back and try and reconnect and bring something back to [those children]."

"Ballet dancers can live in a bubble," she says. "The level of training, rehearsal and performance becomes more than work, it's a lifestyle. I knew, from early on, that I would have to work to maintain my curiosity for other cultures, other forms of dance, to ensure I was not losing my own spirit."

There was no sudden event that resulted in Burnett's choice to leave The Australian Ballet. In fact, Burnett says she had been open with the Ballet from the beginning of her tenure about the fact that she found the hierarchical structure to be outdated and felt that it clashed with her values, and saw the system of promoting dancers destroy careers. Since leaving The Australian Ballet, Burnett has been more creative and vocal in demonstrating how dance can be a political and social statement, and provocation to limited perspectives on culture, poverty, justice, and gender. She created and shared “Injustice: a short film” on her website last year. To get the clips seen in the film, Burnett made a call out on Instagram, inviting people to submit videos of themselves following her choreographic instructions.

In pre-pandemic times, Burnett resided in Belgium, where she is a dancer for The Royal Ballet of Flanders. Burnett has also just launched her own company, A-Part. "It's purely online for now," she explains, "but obviously, once the travel restrictions allow and it is safe to do so, it will be a real-world dance company that travels and performs."

For Burnett, working with the Pina Bausch Company and alongside Akram Khan as a first soloist dancer with The Royal Ballet of Flanders allowed her to shake off the shackles of rigid, classical training and methodology in favor of the liberation, the sometimes feral and primitive nature of contemporary dance and to finally indulge her need to journey into her own Indonesian roots.

"What's wonderful about the Royal Ballet of Flanders is that it's enabled me to dance the choreography of Pina Bausch, Akram Khan, and Édouard Lock, all these contemporary choreographers who I'd never have had access to in Australia," she says. "After I left The Australian Ballet, I wanted to delve into my artistic identity."

Burnett's activism has been creative, positive, and aligned with her belief that education and collaboration are the only ways to provide inclusive, safe environments for those in the dance world. She has presented master classes in collaboration with Ballet.id (Yayasan Bina Ballet Indonesia), which is a non-profit foundation enabling partnerships between Indonesian and international dancers and academics.

In an essay for Pointe in August, writer and educator Shaté L. Hayes writes that the only meaningful response to racial insensitivity within ballet is to genuinely commit to change within ballet schools through major companies. Posting PR-approved hashtags isn’t enough.

David McAllister left his role as artistic director of the Australian Ballet last year. In the statement provided to Allure, the new artistic director, David Hallberg, says, "The future of The Australian Ballet will continue to uphold the rich repertoire of classical ballet but as well, search for new ways to communicate the spirit of dance in this country. I am absorbing the diversity that makes Australia the great country it is, full of varied voices in dance, music, and art, that will be a part of building the repertoire at The Australian Ballet."

That can't happen too soon. Burnett's bravery in speaking of her own experience of working within the ballet world as an Asian-Australian also echoes the experiences of Black, Latinx, and multiracial dancers internationally. “For those of us who were mixed race or fully Asian, Black, or a dancer of color, the ballet world can feel really homogenous, and difficult to find your place and to find a way to celebrate your cultural identity with truth and authenticity,” Burnett says. “It’s important not to be afraid to question the systems that we work in, to say things to your directors. I really hope for a day when the structures we work in don't ask dancers to be mute, subservient, and to comply all the time."

[musecogitation]

                    ↘ 𝐥𝐚𝐛𝐞𝐥𝐬 / 𝐭𝐫𝐨𝐩𝐞𝐬 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 𝐩𝐭. 𝟏 ↙

below the cut you’re going to find (  #80  ) tv character tropes / labels. they all have descriptions on them, and they’re pretty diverse. this is part one of two masterlists. this list features the letters A-L.  please like / reblog this if you found this list helpful at all.

A : 

THE ACADEMIC ATHLETE - this character is well versed in both academics, and sports. they have no limitations, and are incredibly accomplished. they’re proud of what they’ve done, and what they’re capable of.

THE ACCIDENTAL HERO - someone who had no intentions of becoming a hero of any sort, they were living their life perfectly fine beforehand, but something happens, and they opt to step up to the plate and do something rather than turn a blind eye.

THE ACTION GIRL -  characterized by a female who regularly takes charge and willingly jumps into fights.

THE ACTION SURVIVOR - someone who, miraculously has managed to survive things they shouldn’t have, this character should by all logic be dead, but they aren’t.

THE ALL LOVING HERO - this type of person is driven by instinct to protect all, even those who have committed terrible acts.

THE ALPHA BITCH - this particular muse has a lot of influence over people around them, odds are, if this muse doesn’t like someone, they’ll ensure that nobody else likes them either. this character may come from a wealthy family and be incredibly spoiled, they’re in charge and often take on leadership roles in their lives.

THE ATONER - someone who is plagued by their past actions, they’re doing their absolute best to try and make up for them in any way they can.

B :

THE BADASS BOOKWORM - a character, who, despite being a complete bibliophile, is more than capable of taking charge and kicking ass.

THE BAD LIAR - a character who is so terrible at lying, it’s almost painful. they are caught in every single lie they’re attempting to tell.

THE BEAUTIFUL ELITE - this muse knows they’re beautiful, they embrace every aspect of it, they’re also rich and they make sure everyone knows. they are constantly talking about their looks and wealth.

THE BENEVOLENT BOSS - someone in a leadership position, unlike typical bosses, this particular employer actually listens to their employees and does what they can for them / to help them, within reason. they are a boss first and foremost, but they aren’t strictly professional with them, they treat their employees with a great deal of respect.

THE BERSERK BUTTON - this character typically maintains a calm, nonchalant demeanor, they’re relatively composed and it’s incredibly difficult to get under their skin, however, there’s one thing that’s capable of making them lose their composure, and it will set them off on a rant.

BEWARE THE NICE ONE - an overall kind individual, but not the type of person you’d want to cross or be on bad terms with, they are capable of things that they seemingly aren’t, and will not hesitate to stand up for what they believe in or fight another person if it’s for what they believe to be the greater good.

BIG EGO, HIDDEN DEPTHS - really similar to hidden depths, this character has a rather large ego, that’s something people constantly see, but what everyone doesn’t see are the layers beneath that depth, they may show what’s beneath the surface, but they revert back to their typical ways.

THE BIKER BABE - a ( typically ) female muse who owns a motorcycle, she has a lot of leather jackets and pants in her closet and plenty of combat boots.

THE BIRTHDAY HATER - a character who, for whatever reason, hates birthdays. they don’t celebrate their own, they don’t even like birthday wishes, they typically don’t tell people when their birthday is, they just avoid the subject at all costs.

THE BLOOD KNIGHT - this character is thrilled / turned on by danger / dangerous people, they would experience excitement in situations where most people would experience fear.

BORN IN THE WRONG CENTURY - this particular character is the type of character who was born in a century that seemingly wasn’t appropriate for them, they tend to be old fashioned in their decor and maybe even mannerisms. they’re often a bit of a mystery to the people in their lives

THE BRAINLESS BEAUTY - a character who is quite attractive and fawned over, though they lack common sense. they’re the type of person who gets by on their looks and has plenty of success in the dating field, but they’re not exactly book smart. they can have any sort of personality, really.

THE BREAKUP BONFIRE - a reckless type of character, who copes with breakups by simply burning everything having to do with that relationship, it’s their way of getting over any exes.

BREAK THE CUTIE - a character who once had a seemingly normal / perfect life, they were happy-go-lucky and everything was going great for them until tragedy struck, and since then, they’ve been plagued by unfortunate events, and they can’t seem to catch a break.

BRILLIANT BUT LAZY - a character who is quite intelligent / clever but they lack the motivation to actually apply themselves to something. their potential is often unused.

THE BROKEN ACE - this particular character is the antonym of the ace, they were once the best at what they did, but through no fault of their own, tragedy struck, and it made them unable to continue being the best, they’re often plagued by this and tend to feel at a loss, they tend to vent about it to their peers and wish there was something that could be done to bring them back to what they once were.

THE BROKEN BIRD - characterized by an individual with a dark and troubled past, they’ve really been through the ringer, yet they’re still going. they may take on leadership / mentor roles and they tend to be on the more cynical side, they don’t tend to let their emotions show often.

THE BROKEN PEDESTAL - this character has to cope with the fact that someone they once idolized is not the wonderful person who they appeared to be, but rather, a terrible one. they often feel lost and confused, as they no longer know who to look up to, and have doubts about people who could potentially be great role models.

THE BROKEN PEDESTAL ( PT 2 ) - alternatively, this character could have once been idolized, but that has changed and now they’ve sort of fallen from grace, and they’re unsure of how to cope with their image being completely changed.

THE BUNNY EARS LAWYER - this person is kind of quirky, anyone could point that out, but they’re incredibly good at their job, and nobody really questions the strange things they may do because of it.

C :

THE CHESS MASTER - this is an incredibly patient muse, they may seem oblivious, but in reality, they are quietly plotting something big. they’re intelligent and not everyone around them is aware of this, which works to their advantage.

THE CHRONIC BACKSTABBER - this character will sell out anyone if it means they’re saving their own skin, friends, family, lovers, absolutely anyone to ensure their own safety. they have themselves at the forefront of their mind.

CHRONIC HERO SYNDROME - this particular individual’s instincts are always to protect / care for everyone around them before they begin to consider taking care of themselves, regardless of the circumstances.

THE CLOSET GEEK - a character who takes others by surprise, as they don’t appear to fit any sort of ‘nerdy’ trope, they put out a much tougher, almost jock-like personality out there, but they’re actually quite smart, it’s just not something everyone’s aware of until they make it known to them.

THE COMICALLY SERIOUS - an individual who, despite saying something witty, says it in a deadpan tone and tends to confuse people because of it. while they are hilarious, the way they deliver their jokes is strange to most people.

THE CULTURED BADASS - a character who has experience in many fields, they have a wide skill set, but the most important thing to remember about this person, is that they’re a tough cookie and will absolutely kick anyone’s ass.

D :

THE DAMSEL OUT OF DISTRESS - a bit of an alternative to the action girl, this particular person doesn’t wait around for someone to come and rescue them, they can, and will, take care of themselves.

THE DEADPAN SNARKER - this particular character is sarcastic as can be, they’re known for quick one liners and the best comebacks, they’re a bit of a strategist and can easily detect flaws in plans and point them out in a sardonic manner.

THE DEFROSTING ICE QUEEN / KING - someone who used to be known as the ice queen, but their heart is slowly melting and they’re beginning to let people in and become open to the idea of love. they still have their moments, but they’re trying their best to loosen up and be more open.

THE DETERMINATOR - this character is incredibly determined, they’re persistent and refuse to give up something they’re passionate about, even though the odds seem stacked against them. their unwillingness to give up is often one of their strongest attributes.

THE DITZY GENIUS - this particular character is not skilled when it comes to things such as math and literacy, they are incredibly impulsive and reckless, however, they’ve been known to be able to formulate plans for all scenarios, they are intelligent in areas that are just not as common as others, and can often be an asset to people.

THE DUTIFUL CHILD - this muse cares about their parents, they would do anything for them, including putting their own future on hold if one of their parents was in need of help. they are devoted as can be.

DYSFUNCTION JUNCTION - this character has a troubled past, they’re riddled with trust issues and struggle to open up to the people around them. they struggle constantly in their day-to-day life.

E :

EAGLE-EYE DETECTION - a character who has a knack for being able to notice when things add up, and especially when they don’t. they’d make an incredible detective, as nothing goes unnoticed with them.

THE EMOTIONAL BRUISER - a tough character, they’re viewed as strong by everyone that knows them, but they are also incredibly soft at the core, and their emotions are worn on their sleeve, so it’s fairly easy to tell when something is bothering them.

THE ERUDITE STONER - a philosophical type of stoner, they’re deep and quite mellow / relaxed. they aren’t easy to anger, and they’re actually quite wise.

EMOTIONALLY TONGUE-TIED - this character struggles to express positive emotions, they’re not fond of being emotionally vulnerable, so when they speak, it’s often negative and judgmental. 

THE EXTREME DOORMAT - this character is often walked all over, their friends constantly make them the butt of the joke, they aren’t the type of person who stands up for themselves, and they are hardly ever anyone’s top priority, yet their heart is still made of gold, and they care deeply about all of the people in their lives.

EVEN EVIL HAS STANDARDS - a character who typically lacks most morals, but even this individual has things that they wouldn’t dare do, there are just certain things they’re not capable of. they would even defend someone if they saw the need arise.

F :

THE FETTERED - a character lead by their morals, they’re firm believers in justice and have morals they swear by. they do what is right, and they’re passionate about their beliefs. they’ll do what it takes to ensure that justice is maintained.

THE FORMER TEEN REBEL - this character spent the entirety of their youth being rebellious, they were most likely a juvenile delinquent and had the tendency to be incredibly reckless. eventually, they grew up and matured, most likely due to a serious situation, though their past will never leave them, and they tend to be associated with it constantly and have to work twice as hard to prove themselves as a responsible adult.

THE FREUDIAN EXCUSE - a character riddled by a troubled past, their actions are sometimes attempted to be justified due to the things that happened to them growing up.

THE FRIEND TO BUGS - despite most people not liking bugs, this muse absolutely loves them and would protect them. they wouldn’t let anyone kill a bug in front of them, and they’re not afraid to get up close and personal with them.

G :

THE GADFLY - this character isn’t necessarily a bad person, but they are the type of person who will make fun of people or intentionally provoke them to get a rise out of them. they’re entertaining to anyone who isn’t the butt of their joke.

THE GENIUS BRUISER - a physically strong character who is more than capable of holding their own, who also is incredibly intelligent and knows it. their brain is one of their strongest assets, along with their ability to defend themselves.

GIRLY GIRL WITH A TOMBOY STREAK - a female muse who is incredibly feminine / girly almost all of the time, but has been known to have interests / hobbies that aren’t necessarily associated with being feminine.

THE GOOD BAD GIRL - a female muse who seems to fall under the ‘good girl’ trope, but there’s an entirely different story to her, she’s not as innocent as she seems, and definitely isn’t the girl-next-door type. she’s actually quite audacious and will challenge people.

H :

HAIR OF GOLD / HEART OF GOLD - a blonde character who has a heart of gold, they’re passionate and sincere.

HEADPHONES EQUAL ISOLATION - this character can often be found wearing headphones, they listen to music regularly to tune out the people around them, it’s their own way of avoiding conversations.

HEART IS AN AWESOME POWER - this character is empathetic, they’re very in tune with their emotions as well as the emotions of other people around them. they’re compassionate and driven by their desire to help people.

THE HERO / THE HEROINE - they’re known as a protector of sorts, they are a true friend to the people in their lives, they have high morals and stick to them. they are the type to sacrifice themselves for others. they might not always be in a leadership position, though. this character may have a troubled past as well.

HIDDEN DEPTHS - this character isn’t all that they seem, they take others by surprise when they discover that there’s more to them than meets the eye. they have a bit of an “you never asked, so i never said anything” quality to them.

HIDDEN HEART OF GOLD - at their core, they’re an outstanding person, they care deeply and love with everything they have, but they are afraid to show that part of themselves, they absolutely hate displaying those emotions, they prefer pretending as if they’re not even there.

I :

THE ICE QUEEN - this particular ( typically ) female character is associated with having ice-like qualities, they’re often dismissive and appear to have a heart made of ice, they are not usually receptive to love, as they find themselves scared of it. generally not a nice person, and they don’t care about hurting other people’s feelings.

THE INNOCENTLY INSENSITIVE - someone who lacks common social skills, they often don’t realize that what they’re saying is offensive to who they’re speaking to, which often leads to them unintentionally upsetting a lot of people.

THE INSTANT EXPERT - this particular character is a quick learner, they’re able to grasp an understanding of something with one attempt, and don’t need any more assistance with it after that.

THE INSUFFERABLE GENIUS - this character is intelligent, they are aware of it, and make everyone aware of it, they tend to look down upon people who aren’t as intelligent as they are. they lack the social skills necessary to understand how off-putting it is to people. they gloat constantly, and it bothers the people around them.

IT’S ALL ABOUT ME - a character who is selfish, they’re always thinking about themselves, and have a difficult time imagining putting someone else before themselves. everyone who knows them is more than aware of the fact that they’re selfish, too.

J : 

THE JERK WITH A HEART OF GOLD - they put on a huge front, they act like a jerk to most, but beneath that tough exterior, they actually do have a heart of gold, it is just covered up with layers and layers of attitude / rudeness.

K :

KALEIDOSCOPE HAIR - this particular person goes through multiple different hairstyles in a very short span of time, and nobody is entirely certain why that’s the case, either.

THE KARMA HOUDINI - this character is not really a good person, they’ve done numerous spiteful things, they should have definitely faced some sort of repercussions for their actions, but they never seem to. they constantly evade that, and people who perceive them as innocent continue to do so, it’s as if they’re incapable of doing wrong in certain people’s eyes, and even if they witness something, they simply dismiss it.

THE KIRK - a character often placed in the middle of two opposing people, they are often forced to listen to both of them and side with whichever person they agree most with, they’re a decision maker of sorts. they didn’t ask to be put in the middle, but they’re forced to stay in it. this person is rather logical and thinks all potential outcomes through before making their decisions.

THE KNOW-NOTHING-KNOW-IT-ALL - this character is the type of person who, despite not knowing anything about a certain subject, feels suited enough to offer what they deem as sound advice on it. could potentially be a columnist for a magazine / newspaper.

L :

THE LANCER - they’re the type of character who supports someone, they attempt to be a guide of sorts, and tend to try motivating other people to get behind someone else’s cause, they’re not necessarily leaders, but they’re a supporter of the leader.

THE LAST-NAME BASIS - for whatever reason, this character is almost always referred to by their surname, regardless of the nature of their relationships with people.

THE LEADER WANNABE - a character who doesn’t necessarily have leadership qualities, but they want to be a leader, or try to fill in the shoes of a different leader who isn’t around anymore.

THE LETHAL CHEF - a character, who, despite trying their best, simply cannot cook well. their food is terrible every time they try, and the people in their life always try avoiding eating whatever it is they prepare.

THE LIMITED WARDROBE - this particular character tends to wear only one color of clothing, their closet is full of it, and they aren’t bothered by it in the least. people may point it out to them, but they disregard it. they prefer their one color, and they’re not a fan of changing their style.

THE LOAD - this type of character has difficulty surviving on their own in high stakes situations, they’re often used as leverage against heroic types of characters.

LOCKED OUT OF THE LOOP - this character is someone who isn’t up to date on information that may be critical for them to know, they’re left in the dark.

LOOKING FOR LOVE IN ALL THE WRONG PLACES - this person has had a string of bad luck when it comes to finding love, they want to find it, but they’re looking everywhere they shouldn’t be, which leads to many disappointments and heartbreaks.

LOOPHOLE MISUSE - this character takes any chance they can get to use a loophole, they absolutely take advantage of them, and find amusement in doing it.

THE LOVABLE ALPHA BITCH - this particular character is seemingly awful, they’re snarky and rude and have an attitude that most people cannot stand, however, they’re not actually as bad once you get to know them. they’re fiercely protective of their friends and they are likable under the exterior they put up. not many people know this about them.

[eirian-houpe]

The Library Beneath the Clock Tower - Chapter 40

Fandom: Once Upon a Time (TV)

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Relationships: Belle/Rumplestiltskin | Mr. Gold, Belle/Gaston (Once Upon a Time)

Characters: Belle (Once Upon a Time), Rumplestiltskin | Mr. Gold, Red Riding Hood | Ruby, Widow Lucas | Granny, Grumpy | Leroy, Maurice | Moe French, Evil Queen | Regina Mills, Merida (Once Upon a Time), Jiminy Cricket | Archie Hopper, Gaston (Once Upon a Time), Le Fou, Mad Hatter | Jefferson, Prince Charming | David Nolan, Gus | Billy, Huntsman | Sheriff Graham, Mother Trude (Fairytale Character)

Additional Tags: Bookshop On the Corner, slightly AU, Cursed Storybrooke (Once Upon a Time), Alternate Universe - In Storybrooke | Cursed (Once Upon a Time), Eventual Smut

Summary: Storybrooke has no library, and neither does Belle, not since the library where she worked in Boston discovered her past as an inpatient at a mental hospital. Taking her future into her own hands, Belle travels to Storybrooke where her intention is to open up the town library, but all does not go according to her plan. Obstacles and false starts, and diversion along very wrong pathways interrupt her journey toward fulfilling her dream, as well as taking her rightful place and becoming a part of the Storybrooke community.

Read previous chapters on AO3

Chapter 40 - Revelations

As soon as Mister Gold left to go and get himself ready for the Festival, Belle immediately dissolved into a nervous mess that was not like her, and that she couldn’t explain. She’d had plenty of interactions with Mister Gold before, so… why be nervous now, especially when much of the time he was sarcastic and obnoxious. Perhaps this was the difference then, that this time he had not been either and had, in fact, been pleasant and complimentary.

She did not have too much time to worry about it. She decided she wanted to look her best, to go out there and, as Maggie had said, show the citizens of Storybrooke, and specifically the Mayor, that she was not a little maid, no servant, but someone who belonged.

She quickly showered, donned soft lacy underwear that made her feel somehow special, and then set to applying make up, and fixing her hair. The make up was subtle, and the shades she chose enhanced the blue of her eyes. The style of the dress screamed for her to pile her hair atop her head and leave her neck long, elegant, and bare - as her shoulders would be, so she spent the most time making sure she got her hair just so. By the time she was done, and was slipping her feet into shoes with a heel just high enough to keep the hem of the dress barely in contact with the floor, the clock on the nightstand told her it was almost the time that Gold had said he would return.

She expected he would be nothing if not punctual, and sure enough, right on time, the door buzzer sounded.

Not wanting to appear to be too eager, Belle took her time with the cloak, and found that it was possibly a mistake to have done so. The clasp was of an unfamiliar type, and no matter how she manipulated it, she could not get it to remain fastened. Once when she thought she had it, the garment simply slipped back off her shoulders. After another couple of tries it became frustrating and threatened to make her truly late rather than allowing her to appear casual. She decided that the evening was nice enough and that she could probably manage without the cloak and so she made her way carefully down the stairs to the outside door.

When she set eyes on Gold, what remained of her breath flew away, and she thought her head would spin. He was wearing a gold brocade jacket with a high collar, beneath which a white shirt was nestled under a vest that matched the jacket, but which was mostly hidden by the sheer, cream colored cravat he wore, perfectly tied, with lace edging that set off the outfit perfectly. He wore soft leather, thigh high boots over tan pants. He looked every inch a fairytale prince.

“You look lovely, my dear,” he said softly, and she saw him swallow as he took in her appearance, but then he added, “But do you not have a cloak? The night can be chill where we will be.”

She blushed, and looked a little sheepish, as she confessed. “There is one, but it has a strange kind of clasp; one I’ve never seen before, and… well… I couldn’t manage to get it to stay fastened.”

He gave her a gentle smile that was without any kind of criticism or mockery and said, “Why don’t you go and fetch the cloak, and if you’ll allow, I’ll help you fasten it.”

Her blush deepened, and an almost shy smile crossed her face, before she murmured her thanks, and returned to the apartment to get the cloak and bring it back down the stairs.

“May I?” Gold asked as he reached for the cloak and when she allowed him to take it, he shook it out and settled it carefully about her bare shoulders. The backs of his fingers barely brushed against her skin as he smoothed the fabric into place, but she felt as though fire shot through the whole of her body at the light touch, like the prickle of pins and needles.

Then he took the two halves of the clasp gently into his hands, the warmth of his fingers resting against the front of her collar bones. As he moved to almost weave the two sides of the clasp to fasten, the movement of his hand sent little bolts of tingling warmth right to her core.

Her legs began to feel as though they were made of marshmallow, and she suddenly found herself wanting nothing more than to run her own fingers over the fine fabric of his coat. She took a breath, trying to steady  herself. What should she do? Could she trust herself?

Just as everything seemed about to come to a head, Mister Gold stepped back, his touch releasing her from its spell.

“Shall we?” he said with a smile, and gestured toward the Cadillac that was parked not too far away.

“Thank you,” she said, equally as softly, and then took his offered arm as he began to walk them toward the vehicle.

As they drew closer, she noticed Aspen in the back of the car, and couldn’t help but chuckle. Gold looked her way, and she asked in a soft note of teasing, “Does he enjoy the Miners’ Day Festival too?”

Gold laughed softly. “I would not dare to make him miss it,” he quipped. “A sure way to make him bite the hand that feeds him.”

He opened the door for her, and she heard Aspen’s tail begin to thump out a rhythm on the back seat as she climbed inside.

“Surely not,” she said as he climbed into the driver’s side after making certain she was secure. “I can’t imagine a sweet dog like Aspen ever biting anyone.”

“You’d be surprised,” he said, as he pulled off to begin their journey. “He knows who likes him, and who doesn’t.”

Belle looked over at him in disbelief. “How could anyone not like him?”

“Milah hated him,” Gold answered, and then cleared his throat as if in realization of having said something wrong, and then before Belle had a chance to reply, he said, “May I ask you something.”

“I think you are catching my habits,” she teased, and raised an eyebrow when he looked over at her in momentary confusion. “May I ask?” she said.

He chuckled again at that, and nodded his understanding.

“I… was just wondering,” he began, speaking slowly as though choosing his words carefully. “After I so… rudely interrupted your meeting with Mister Guest—”

Before he could even ask whatever question was in his mind Belle blurted out, “It didn’t work out. Everyone was right about him, and I was… just naive and too trusting, just like I was warned.”

“Miss Marchland,” he said and she thought he sounded apologetic, “You shouldn’t blame yourself. Whatever happened it was not your fault. No amount of anyone warning you of anything can change what you must discover for yourself. You did nothing wrong.”

“But you don’t like him all the same,” she accused softly and without any real heat behind her words.

“I admit, I have always had a bad feeling about Mister Guest, yes,” he said, “but really it is none of my business, and I’m prying. Forgive me.”

She offered him a smile, “No, it’s fine. Nothing to forgive.”  She took a breath, and finally confessed. “Maggie told me a little about what happened with your wife… if anyone was prying, it was me.”

Gold glanced at her, his gaze steely, and she thought for a moment that she had offended him, until he said, “She was never happy here; never happy with me. We moved here for a new start when we discovered we were expecting our son, a little peace and quiet; a little decency after the deprivation all around us in Glasgow.”

“What happened?” she asked softly.

“It was never enough for her. Too quiet, everyone too far up in everyone else’s business. We tried to make it work, for Bae’s sake, but…”

“I’m sorry,” she murmured, and she genuinely was. She could almost feel the pain of his self deprecation.

He shook his head and continued, “…I was never enough either, so… she left.”

“That must have been hard,” she said, and offered an expression of genuine sympathy when he turned and glanced at her again.

“Not as hard as you might think,” he said, “Nor as it should have been. What was hard was that… I knew she had never really wanted children, wanted Bae… and yet, she took him with her.”

“And you have no visitation arrangement?” Suddenly she wanted to know more, to know everything she could about this man whom, she realized, she had read so wrongly in all of her encounters with him until now.

Gold scoffed bitterly. “Hard to make an arrangement with someone when they don’t want you to know where they’ve gone,” he said.

“That’s awful!”

“I sent out private investigators. The police weren’t interested, actually investigated me for her disappearance, and when they couldn’t pin it on me, just let it go cold.” He chuckled as he looked over at her again, and caught sight of the way her mouth was hanging open in disbelief. “It’s how I got a good portion of my reputation as a monster, I think.”

“But… but your family?” she protested.

“Never have found out what happened to Bae, though I’m still looking - following up every lead I get. He’d be grown by now.”

She didn’t like the way he was referring to his son in a kind of past tense that showed his fears that his son, like the boy’s mother, might no longer be living - at least if the rumors Maggie had told her were true.

“How old?” she asked, softly.

“Twenty-eight years,” he said with another glance at her. “A man older than I was when I had him.”

“And his mother?”

“She passed,” he said, then added quickly, “And before you ask, I don’t know how. All I know is that after she left me, she fell in with some… scoundrel or another. Then a few years ago one of the investigators found out about her passing. Now it seems said scoundrel is… sniffing around.”

“The man I saw you with at the Mayor’s ball?”

“The same.”

“Jefferson said he was a nasty piece of work,” she admitted.

“He’d be right.”

“There must be… something you can do to stop him from bothering you?”

Gold didn’t answer, and fell into silence for a long while, before he said quietly, with a kind of dry amusement in his tone, “So… now you know more about me than most people in Storybrooke, Miss Marchland.”

He drew the car into a parking space amid an already crowded lot that stood beside what looked like an open field that had been transformed into a festival ground, and she realized that in speaking with Gold, hearing him unfolding the tale of a part of his life that was so personal to him, she had missed the entire journey and had no clue where she was in relation to town. He stopped the engine and looked over to her.

“Cat got your tongue?” he asked, with a hint of sarcasm to match the wry, defensive expression on his face.

She raised and eyebrow then, and said, “I promise not to hold anything against you.” After a moment she offered a smile, and said, “And it’s Belle.”

[jentrevellan]

Believe Again: Chapter Six

Rating: Mature Fandom: Dragon Age Inquisition Relationships: Cullen Rutherford x Female Trevelyan Tags: slow burn, slow build, slow romance, mage/templar dynamics, family drama, templars, mages, enemies to friends to lovers, angst, lyrium withdrawal, crisis of faith, loss of faith, The Chantry, sexual tension, innuendo

MASTERPOST:

A/N: Tags to be updated. Chapters posted on the 1st Thursday of the month.

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CHAPTER SIX - Cullen

Arguably those first few weeks following the formation of the Inquisition were the most pivotal. Although there was no leader yet, the initial actions were carried out by the Herald of Andraste herself. The advisors were there to simply advise, but it does appear that she took her own path and made her own decisions in the Hinterlands, much to the apparent frustration and anguish of the others (see appendix VII for detailed experts of letters). Some may think her brash and arrogant, but her legacy of saving lives and helping others is evidence to the contrary.

- An extract from the book ‘Lady, Mage, Herald, Inquisitor: a biography of Elsie Trevelyan’ by Hugo DeSalvet

6. Cullen

“She’s done what ?”  

They were in the warm and stuffy War Room for their morning meeting and Leliana had taken Cullen and Josephine through the latest report from Scout Harding in the Hinterlands and Cullen couldn’t quite believe his ears.

“The Herald has secured most of the inner Hinterlands - she’s been very busy indeed,” Leliana replied, handing the report to Josephine.

“Goodness,” the Antivan exclaimed. “Mounts for the Inquisition secured from Dennet; apostate camp destroyed; templar stronghold disassembled; rifts closed; forward camps established… it goes on!”

“Let me see that,” Cullen grumbled, taking the missive from the ambassador. He skimmed the contents. “Reports of a dragon! Maker’s breath, is she trying to prove something? That she is immortal, playing with fate this way?”

“I hardly think that’s her intention, Cullen,” Josephine said evenly. “Her hard work and determination in the Hinterlands will no doubt bring us useful allies, and perhaps even the Queen of Ferelden may begin to take notice.”

“Indeed,” Leliana said, clasping her hands behind her back. “I’ve received word from my spies that the work the Herald is doing is laying the foundations to our reputation - everyone is talking about her and her deeds.”

Cullen passed the report back to the spymaster, but he was not sold yet. “She was told to return to Haven once she had spoken to Mother Giselle-”

“Oh! That reminds me: the Good Mother arrived this morning actually,” Leliana interrupted.

“Ah, excellent,” Josephine replied. “I shall ensure she is comfortable with rooms in the Chantry.”

“Now hold on-” Cullen tried to get a word in but not for the first time, his words fell on deaf ears as Leliana and Josephine continued to chatter - that part of the conversation about the Herald was past and settled, in their view.

As the women began to talk enthusiastically about a noble’s daughter they once knew, Cullen turned to his pile of reports and opened one with interest as he recognised Cassandra’s handwriting.

Cullen,

I have made contact with Corporal Vale and whilst I’m sure he has filled you in already on the granular detail, I just want to confirm that the relief efforts are progressing albeit slowly: although it would be slower still if it weren’t for the insistence and help of the Herald.

I am still very unsure what to really make of her. On one hand, she acts rashly and appears to have exceedingly high morals. I would call her selfish, but the Herald has hindered our progress with the sole reason to help the people here - I can see no other reason nor ulterior motive.

On many occasions, I have stressed that we would be better off leaving Corporal Vale and his soldiers to do their assigned duties without our interference, but the Lady Herald is almost as stubborn as you are.

Despite this, I hope for us to return to Haven within the next week or sooner, Maker willing. Trevelyan needs to learn that she can not fix every problem under the sun.

With regards,

Seeker Cassandra Pentaghast

*

Nearly four weeks after receiving Cassandra’s letter, there was finally word that the Herald had finally left the Hinterlands. And yet a week after that, there was still no sight of her or her party. Every day since, the people of Haven had been anticipating her return and more people arrived daily seeking help or enlisting in the meantime. Although Cullen was loathed to admit it, Josephine and Leliana had been correct: the work she had been doing in the Hinterlands was increasing their reputation and influence as well as bolstering their forces. Each and every day, Cullen found himself face-to-face with more new recruits, from sellswords and mercenaries to templars and apostates. Not only that but more and more young men and women were signing up, eager to fight and learn, even though they were still wet behind the ears.

As Cullen watched over a small regiment of new recruits run drills one afternoon, activity in the expanding stables caught his eye. He saw Josephine approach the new horse master Dennet and exchange excited words, whilst looking at a horse he couldn’t quite see. Cullen excused himself and left Rylen to continue the drills, as curiosity got the better of him.

“Aye, ‘tis a fine breed indeed, even if it is from the Marshes,” Dennet was saying, brushing the horse’s mane.

Josephine nodded thoughtfully. “Hmmm, it seems my letter to Bann Trevelyan proved to be more beneficial than I had anticipated.”

“I’ll say,” Dennit continued. “This is not the only Trevelyan horse they’ve sent - have a look at the missive, milady: there are to be at least half a dozen more expected in the coming weeks.”

“What do you think, Cullen?” Josephine asked as he approached.

He looked at the mare who was quite calm in her stall, despite the flurry of activity. She was a soft sandstone colour with a peppering of warm dark marks like freckles on her rear.

“This is a fine horse,” Cullen conceded.

Josephine smiled and looked annoyingly smug. “You see Commander - a little nobility can go a long way.”

“No doubt that is why you are the Ambassador and I am not,” he replied dryly before turning to Dennet. “You mentioned more horses from Trevelyan?”

“Yes ser - they are to arrive soon, but this one was sent ahead: she’s is a gift for the Herald.”

Cullen crossed his arms. “They needn’t have bothered with the effort - by the time the Herald does come back to Haven, the horses could’ve been here and be on their way back in that time.”

Josephine rolled her eyes. “Lady Trevelyan will be back soon: she is doing such good work, as you know.”

“Even though she can’t follow simple orders,” he muttered.

“Forgive me ser, err, Commander,” Dennet interjected before Josephine could reply. “Beggin’ your pardon, but if it weren’t for her, many of the folk in the Hinterlands would’ve perished, and then some.”

Cullen said nothing and inspected the new Trevelyan mare again. It was hard to stay angry at the Herald even when his own prejudices and assumptions about her told him he had every right to be annoyed. And yet Dennet’s words had abruptly put him in his place. However, disagreeing with her blatant lack of regard to follow orders or even acknowledge them was something he could not tolerate from any of his recruits, nor any of the men and women who served the Inquisition’s army. Maybe that’s where my fault lies , he thought. Perhaps I need to stop seeing her as a recruit and take her for what she is . Although he wasn’t sure what that was exactly - other than a stubborn, noble mage, who was annoyingly beautiful-

“Commander?” Dennet interrupted his thoughts. He wasn’t sure if he was relieved or agitated that he hadn’t been able to complete his trail of thought, as it was dangerous territory.

“Sorry - you were saying?” he tried to give the man his full attention. “I’m afraid my mind was momentarily elsewhere.”

“Thinking about trebuchets, no doubt,” Josephine teased.

He didn’t dare entertain the thought of voicing what he had actually been thinking, so said smoothly: “Funny you should mention that Lady Ambassador,” he continued, silently gleeful at his expert diversion. “We’re having a few issues transporting some materials for the construction of the trebuchets. Apparently, some Orlesian seems to think he owns Haven.”

Dennet snorted. “Even though it’s in Ferelden.”

“My thoughts exactly,” Cullen said, flashing a rare but brief smile at Dennet. It was good to be back in his home country and to be with fellow countrymen.

Josephine sighed. “Leave that to me - I will arrange a meeting with the Marquis and smooth things over. A good day to you both,” she said, excusing herself politely.

“While you’re here Commander, would you like to see your stallion?” Dennet asked, making his way further into the stables.

Cullen nodded and followed him. “I suppose it would be good to see him. I feel I am rather neglecting him at the moment.”

“It’s understandable ser - but he is gettin’ a bit restless,” Dennet admitted as they approached his black-coated Ferelden Forder. His hooves kicked the barn wall and he grunted as Cullen went to offer him an apple Dennet handed him. The stallion blinked slowly at Cullen before being sold by the treat and begrudgingly began to eat the apple from Cullen’s open palm.

“Have you thoughts of a name for him yet?”

“I haven’t, no,” Cullen admitted. “What did you call him, as his breeder?”

“We’ve called him Al since he was born, as he’s always been strong-willed and is very much the ‘alpha male’ with the other horses,” Dennet chuckled.

Cullen thought for a moment, patting the stallion’s dark neck. “I’ll call him Alphonse - but Al for short.”

“Very good, ser,” Dennet smiled. “It’s a strong name for a strong horse.”

Alphonse nudged Cullen’s hand and he went to scratch the horse’s nose. “I’ll take him for a ride tomorrow - could you see to it that he’s saddled and ready by first light please?” An early morning ride suddenly sounded a very appealing way to start his day.

As Dennet excused himself to assign work to some loitering stablehands, Cullen stayed a while longer with Alphonse, grateful for the silent companionship. His eyes travelled over the expanding stables that were filling up fast with mounts. He looked over at the Trevelyan mare and was reminded of her words about losing everything with her family when she became a mage. He, like all who joined the Templars, had also sacrificed his homes and family... but he and most of his fellow recruits had surrendered it willingly and with pride, unlike their charges. Why had he not considered that before?

“Commander?”

He turned to see a young page run up to him, with a letter in his hand, the seal unbroken.”This just arrived for you - from the Lady Herald,” he explained breathlessly.

Taking a final look at the Trevelyan horse, Cullen thanked the boy and began to walk back to his tent, slipping his fingers beneath the seal. He was unsure why his gut lurched at the thought of a letter from her, but all the same, he was perhaps a little keen to see what she had said. Upon writing this, she had been thinking of him. Although, their farewell at her departure had been less than amicable. Is that why I feel this way? Guilt?  

He unfolded the letter and stopped outside his tent to read in the sunlight.

Commander Cullen,

I understand that you may have a few reservations about my insistence upon staying in the Hinterlands. The fact of the matter is that these people need us, and I am all too capable to help. For you see, I am not a soldier in your army (you’re welcome, by the way, for the new recruits), I am not even under your command, and I do not follow your so-called orders. I am not, and I will never be your charge. I am a free woman, a free mage and will do what is right, and not blindly follow orders or wait until the last possible moment to do the right thing.

I will return when I return. Until then, try not to treat every passing mage as suspiciously as you do me. I know it will be difficult, but I have the utmost faith in you.

Regards,

Enchanter Elsie Trevelyan, Herald of Andraste  

He read the letter over several times outside his tent before scrunching it up in his fist. She knows then, he thought. “Curse that dwarf!” he swore aloud.

“Cullen?” he glanced up to see Rylen looking at him peculiarly. “You alright there, mate?”

He closed his eyes and took a breath. “Yes, fine, fine. Just a...frustrating report from the Herald is all.”

“I didn’t know the Herald was a dwarf,” the Starkhaven man quipped, earning him a glare from Cullen. He threw his hands up and chuckled. “Kidding, just kidding. Fancy a game of Wicked Grace to take your mind off whatever is going on in that curly head of yours?”

Cullen flinched at the subconscious use of his nickname bestowed upon him by the said dwarf and slowly shook his head, even though he was tempted. “Another time, perhaps. I feel the result of this report is going to give me much more work to do.”

“All the more reason to take a break now!” Rylen grinned, opening his arms in exaggeration.

With much reluctance, an hour or so later, Cullen found himself convinced and was sat in the tavern with other officers. He stared down at his tankard of ale, barely touching it and hardly playing the game, only speaking when was socially necessary. He still had her letter in his pocket, albeit scrunched up, and yet what she had said was burned in his mind. The hum of the tavern noise was drowned out as he repeated her words over and over in his head, beating himself up more and more each time. Finally, when it was his turn to deal and Rylen elbowed him in the ribs, Cullen decided to down his drink in one before focusing on the matter at hand - winning Wicked Grace.

*

A couple of days later, Cullen headed over to the stables, as was now part of his morning routine. As usual, Alphonse groomed and saddled, ready to go. He gratefully took the reigns from the bleary-eyed stablehand who barely registered he was there and mounted the stallion.

It was a cold morning, and even though it was dawn, there was little light as the sun was obscured by thick clouds. Nonetheless, Cullen dug his heels in and set off at a canter down the road, looking to perhaps ride for an hour to some of the forward camps dotted around the outskirts of Haven.

But Alphonse had different ideas. The horse moved well beneath him, and in the last few mornings together, had become accustomed to one another. He found himself on one of the forest paths, which went ever so gradually upwards a small hill on the side of a large mountain. He crossed not another soul, except from the morning chorus of the birds and one nug that ran out in front of Alphonse. It was idyllic and Cullen silently thanked the horse for leading him on a different path. He felt human again, and alive. And today is a new day , he thought, watching the sun rays peek through the clouds. The crisp morning had proven to be a serendipitous medicine to him.

As he descended the mountain path, he spotted fresh hoof marks in the snow which were not his own. He slowed Alphonse down and inspected them, estimating that there were perhaps three or four sets of hooves. He scratched his head and continued on - it had been a very long time since he had done any tracking, so his knowledge was terribly limited.

Upon approaching the stables, he was astounded to see it a hive of activity. Before he had left, it had been only himself and the sleepy stablehand and now stableboys and girls and assistants ran errands and Dennet’s voice boomed over the commotion. Cullen walked Alphonse into the chaos and saw four familiar horses outside, ready to be unsaddled.

“Lady Cassandra,” he said, spotting the Seeker. “You’ve finally returned.”

The Nevarran woman smiled thinly. “Finally indeed. Although I expect we will be back on the road soon if the Herald has anything to do with it.”

“As long as I’m given time to soothe my saddle sores, I don’t care,” Varric grumbled, limping away from his horse.

“If you had given us a proper warning of your return, then all arrangements for baths could’ve been made and ready for you-”

“Is that the sound of a disapproving commander, I hear?” another voice from behind him said. He whipped around to see the Herald pull her dark brown travelling cloak off her shoulders. “And it’s barely an hour past dawn,” she continued with a wry smile.

He opened his mouth to reply but snapped it shut as he took in her appearance; chestnut hair loosely braided down her back, windswept strands framed her face, and her cheeks and nose were flushed from the cold wind. He tried to remember that he was angry with her, but for the life of him, at that moment, he couldn’t understand why he would be mad at such a simple but beautiful woman…

“Lost for words, Commander? I’m flattered,” she smirked, her grey eyes twinkling mischievously. He blinked, his stomach flipping as her words were far too close to the truth.

She walked up to him and frowned as he still did not speak. Once again, his eyes involuntarily skimmed over her, but this time settled on her neck, where dark bruises were beginning to fade.

“What’s this?” he asked, impulsive brushing his gloved fingers gently over the marks.

It was Trevelyan’s turn to look uncomfortable, and her hands flew to her neck self-consciously; touching his in the process, which he snatched away as if scalded.

“Oh, this? This is nothing. A minor inconvenience at the Crossroads is all,” she said dismissively, not meeting his gaze.

Cullen’s brow furrowed and a twinge of what felt like fear came over him. “You were attacked,” he stated.

“Well yes, that is one of the hazards when you step into the middle of a war,” she forced a smile, but it did not reach her eyes and she faltered when she saw him looking down at her. “Careful Commander,” she said quietly. “Or I might think you actually care.”

His face heated up at her words and he rubbed the back of his neck. “Well, ahem. As long as you are alright.”

She smiled softly at him, and his gut twisted, not unpleasantly. “I am, thank you.”

He nodded, mainly to himself. “Good. well not good, but yes I am pleased you are alright. You are our only way of sealing the rifts, and we can’t afford to lose you.” he said and instantly regretted his words as she stiffened and her smile vanished.

“Ah, I see,” she said. “We can’t forget that I only have one use, and one use only,” she muttered, wriggling her fingers on her hand with the mark.

Cullen crossed his arms. “That’s not what I-”

“Isn’t it? Well it doesn’t matter,” she glanced at him and Cullen mentally kicked himself. You were worried about her as a person, is that so hard to admit ? he thought. He began to formulate something to say, but her eyes had been drawn away from him to something over his shoulder. She brushed past him, her eyes wide in awe as she approached the stall with the Trevelyan mare.

“Hello beautiful girl,” she murmured, placing a hand on the horse. “You’re Trevelyan bred, aren’t you?” she said with wonder.

Cullen cleared his throat and approached, making the Herald jump. “She’s a gift from your family.”

Elsie smiled faintly. “From my father, you mean. I sincerely doubt my mother had anything to do with this.”

He looked at her curiously, trying to comprehend her meaning, but she simply shook her head. “Nevermind - it’s a long story.”

Cullen didn’t press her but watched her quietly as she petted the horse, noting that she seemed almost at ease with the beast, and yet she chewed her lip, so he knew her mind was racing. Again, he was drawn to that simple innocent action which flooded his body with heat.

“What will you call her?” he asked, forcing himself to look at the horse and not Elsie. She contemplated his question by chewing her lip again and Cullen stared pointedly at the horse. He had to do something to stop his straying eyes. How can she elicit such a range of emotions from me when she’s none the wiser? He thought.

“Rose,” she said eventually.

“Rose?” he repeated.

“Well, they’re my favourite flowers, as cliche as that sounds, plus it reminds me of simpler times, at home,” she admitted, her cheeks faintly tinged with red, which Cullen couldn’t help but smile at.

“My sister is called Rose,” he blurted out suddenly. Elsie studied him with surprise. “Well, it’s Rosalie actually, but we always called her Rose when she was a baby.” He was rambling, but the woman before him appeared to be listening to him, so he continued. “I don’t know if she likes to be called that now though - it’s been such a long time since I’ve seen her.”

“When was the last time?” Elsie asked.

He thought a moment. “I was thirteen when I joined the Templars and left my family behind. So, what’s that? Sixteen, seventeen years? Maker, Rose was a toddler when I left and probably doesn’t remember me!”

“I’m sure she does,” Elsie said gently.

There was a pause. “If you don’t mind me asking, but how old were you when you went to the Circle?”

The question seemed to surprise her, but not as much as he surprised himself with it. Still, she didn’t scold him but tilted her head to the side. “Well, now that you mention it, I was probably about the same age as when you joined up. My sister Cecelia must be the same age as Rosalie: she was three when I left.”

“Cecelia didn’t forget you,” he said slowly.

Elsie smiled sadly. “No, she didn’t. But I was lucky enough to sometimes visit home - perks of being the ex-heir of a noble house in the city,” she shrugged.

They fell into a comfortable silence, their minds on times past, and Cullen thought of apologising for bringing up her deceased sister. But she didn’t seem angry or upset, just reflective. He himself was now more desperate than ever to see his siblings once again, as they were so close here in Ferelden, but still so far.

“Well, here we are,” Elsie said from the blue, and Cullen looked at her in confusion. “We’ve just had our first conversation that didn’t end up in bickering!” she laughed. “I take that as progress!”

Cullen couldn’t help but smile down at her. And that’s when he knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that he was falling or Elsie Trevelyan, the Herald of Andraste, and a mage. Maker’s breath , he thought. She patted his arm affectionately and said farewell, heading to the bath-house. Cullen had to stop his mind from making the obvious assumption that in order to have a bath, she would have to remove her clothes-

“Dennet!” he cried out in a strangled voice, cutting off his thoughts abruptly. “I’ll take Alphonse out for a ride again tomorrow morning.”

The horse master raised his brows at his outburst but nodded. “Of course, Ser - I’ll make sure he’s ready.”

Cullen nodded. “Good, that’s good,” he said, watching Elsie walk away, noting the sway of her hips. He swallowed. I want her , he thought. Maker help me.  

*

Unfortunately, the tentative truce Cullen had formed with Elsie did not last long. That very afternoon, the war council convened and once again their opposing views on matters clashed head-on. To him, appealing to the Chantry seemed pointless, especially if the remaining clerics were anything like Chancellor Roderick. But the infuriating woman was determined and Cullen was vaguely aware of Cassandra’s words in her letter to him all those weeks ago: ‘She’s almost as stubborn as you are.’

Cullen drummed his fingers on the pommel of his sword at his hip, trying to ignore the pressing headache that had begun slowly but was now battling him, full-force. He was frustrated that he was starting to feel weak and was annoyed at Elsie more than anything. But if arguing with her had taught him one thing, it was that once her mind was set on something, she would see it through: her work in the Hinterlands was proof enough. As she listened to Josephine explain some of the itineraries for her trip to the capital, Elsie tilted her head to the side and he saw those dreadful marks around her neck again, and not for the first time, he wondered what had happened and why she had brushed him off. He tried not to think too much about why he was so concerned with the thought of her being hurt, especially as it was in the past and she was clearly a skilled mage in combat, from the little he had seen.

Cassandra caught him staring at Elsie and his face heated with embarrassment. She shook her head, mistaking his actions. Probably telling me not to pick a fight with the Herald , he thought.

A wave of exhaustion overcame him, and he felt like all of his willpower had been purged out of him. He shuffled from foot to foot to try and wake up, and to bring sensation back to his legs, but even concentrating on the effort to do so was enough to make him feel the fatigue take a fresh hold of him again. Carefully, so as not to draw attention to himself, Cullen laid his papers down on the table and took a steadying breath, hating how his hands shook.

The hairs on the back of his neck stood on end and he looked up to see Cassandra watching him with thinly veiled concern. He shook his head slowly, the world spinning as he did so, and the room fell silent as all of the women stopped talking to look at him.

“Commander?” the Herald said. “Are you alright?” Her voice was sincere in her concern and much kinder than he rightly deserved.

“I’ll ah, I’ll be fine in a moment,” he managed, as even forming words in his mouth was tough.

“Perhaps now would be a good tie to adjourn for the day,” Leliana said smoothly. “We can continue the preparations for your journey tomorrow morning before you leave in the afternoon.”

Cullen shot a brief but grateful look to the spymaster, who barely inclined her head.

“Yes, that’s a good idea. It has been a long day,” Elsie conceded, still looking at him, a slight frown on her face.

As they gathered up their papers and went to leave the war room, Elsie lingered, as if waiting to speak with him. Not now , he thought wearily as he winced at the sudden shot of pain in his head, like a weight pressing behind his eyes. His unlikely saviour came in the form of Josephine who blocked Elsie’s line of sight.

“Come Lady Herald; let us take tea in my office. I would love to hear more of your life in Ostwick,” she said, looping her arm with Elsie’s, and thus steering her out of the war room.

Reluctantly, Elsie left with Josephine, but not before throwing him another look over her shoulder, before the door closed softly. Once alone, Cullen took a couple of steps backwards and sunk into one of the cushioned chairs, throwing his head back. He closed his eyes, grateful of the calm and oddly peaceful darkness.

He must’ve fallen asleep almost instantly because when he came to, he was aware of two things: one, that his neck was awfully stiff from sleeping upright; and two, that he was not alone.

The Herald was perched on the war table, watching him. He shifted uncomfortably, suddenly aware of everything from his dishevelled state to her long, unbound hair and their fairly close proximity. If he reached out, he would’ve been able to touch her knee.

“You talk in your sleep, you know,” she said, breaking the silence.

Cullen cleared his throat and rubbed his neck. “Do I?” he mumbled, knowing full well that he did. He was all too aware of the intimacy of the situation and had no clue as to why a woman who appeared to resent him was calmly sat so close to him, alone.

He coughed again and forced himself to stand, grateful that his migraine had vanished. “I thought you were having tea with Josephine,” he remembered, his voice low and hoarse from sleep.

She shrugged casually. “I did. But that was four hours ago. So I popped in to get some reports - for bedtime reading you see - and what do I find? A burly commander sleeping like a baby and talking in his sleep,” she teased with a small smile.

He said nothing and moved to stand next to her, picking up his own neglected reports. She slid off the table gracefully and leaned back, resting her elbows on the wood.

“Look, Commander… Cullen,” she said quietly, and he jolted as she said his name. It was the first time, so he looked down at her in surprise. “I… I wanted to apologise. I’ve been a right pain in everyone’s backsides and I… need to do better - to be better - especially with you.”

“Why me?” he asked slowly.

Elsie sighed and shook her head, her chestnut hair falling around her face.”Don’t make me say it, Commander,”

His heart thudded in his chest as he waited. Surely she doesn’t feel something too? He dared to hope. It was then he noticed how his hand on the table was perilously close to her elbow and as she looked up at him, he couldn’t help but glance down at her pink lips which looked so, so soft. It would take little effort for him to lean down and-

“You’re a templar,” she continued. “Or you were, and I’ve been unfair and judgemental.”

Cullen closed his eyes briefly. Of course , he thought. It’s just you having another ridiculous infatuation!

“Although, I’m sure you’ve been doing the same to me - what my being a mage and a noble,” she said, rolling her eyes.

“I thought you were apologising?” he said flatly, but the corners of his mouth tugged into a faint smile.

She glared at him then smiled in return. “Very funny, Commander.”

“Well then, it seems I owe you an apology also,” he admitted. “I promised myself I would not jump to conclusions and judge mages unfairly as I have in the past. I need to do better too.”

Elsie opened her mouth to say something, perhaps about his previous interaction with mages, but she pressed her lips together and decided better of it. Instead, she pushed off the table and turned to face him, holding her hand out for him to shake.

“To not being our stereotypes?” she offered.

There was no sign of mockery, no teasing, no jibes, just honesty. He placed his hand in hers and shook it firmly, relishing the feel of her hand in his, even though they were gloved. “To not being our stereotypes,” he agreed, indulgently holding her hand a moment longer than was proper; but if Elsie noticed she didn’t say anything.

She picked up her notes and helped him gather his reports and they left the war room together, walking in a comfortable silence through the quiet Chantry. It felt like a weight had been lifted and he felt invigorated as they walked amicable, side-by-side. As they approached the large Chantry doors, raised voices could be heard and they looked at one another in alarm before pushing them open.

In the courtyard outside there was a commotion taking place between two clear groups: templars and mages were faced off against each other and Cullen could feel the thrum of magic as the mages summoned spells at the ready to attack or defend as the templars gripped their swords. Cullen stared at his fellow templars with unconcealed disappointment and out of the corner of his eye, saw Elsie with a similar look at the mages.

“So much for the stereotypes,” she muttered, so only he could hear.

“Enough of this!” he shouted, making both groups jump and turn their attention to him.

“These apostates were-”

“That templar- ”

“ENOUGH,” he bellowed, holding a hand in the air. “We are not part of any Circle or the Chantry here. We are all part of the Inquisition.” He crossed his arms and stared them all down, daring them to say otherwise.

“What about you and the Herald?” a voice Cullen couldn’t place called out.

He glanced at Elsie who met his gaze levelly.

“Speak plainly and we will answer,” she said, her hands on her hips.

A young mage stepped forward, defiant. “Are you his charge, Herald? Does he watch over you?”

Yes I watch her , he thought, but not for the reasons you think .

“I am nobody’s charge but my own,” she said hotly. “And neither are you.”

There was a murmuring before another voice shouted: “But we’ve heard you don’t get along! Why should we comply when you don’t?”

“The Herald is not my charge,” Cullen said vehemently. “She is my…” he hesitated. “Friend.”

Her eyebrows shot up and Cullen looked around at the crowd, refusing to meet her eye. If he did, he knew his face would heat up and someone would guess his ill-conceived infatuation.

“It’s true the Commander and I have not always seen eye-to-eye and I doubt we will agree on everything but look at us here and now: standing together before you as equals, as allies, as friends .” she spread her hands. “We all have much bigger problems to deal with than this. If Cullen and I can set aside our differences to work together for the greater good, then for the love of Andraste, so can you.”

The crowd murmured around them with many heads nodding, whilst some still looked unconvinced.

“It will take time,” Cullen said calmly.”But it is not beyond the realms of possibility to be civil and work together.”

He was going to say more, but a man jostling through the crowd made him stop and cross his arms. “Back to your duties, everyone,” he ordered, and the groups willingly dispersed as Chancellor Roderick strode up to them.

“A rousing speech, for a heretical mage and templar,” he sneered.

Elsie stiffened. “I thought you had gone to Val Royeaux to seek my execution or something of the like.”

Anger licked at Cullen’s gut. “Haven’t you done enough already, Chancellor ? Leave the Inquisition on peace, if you know what’s good for you.”

“Is that a threat ?”

“It could be,” Elsie said darkly and Cullen felt a pull of magic and spotted sparks of fire in her clenched fists.

“You dare threaten me ?” he cried incredulously. “And you , you templar - can’t you do a better job at keeping your mage under control?”

Elsie hissed between her teeth but didn’t move. “You just don’t know when to shut up, do you?”

“My thoughts exactly. Chancellor , perhaps you had better talk with Seeker Cassandra or Sister Leliana before either of us do something we might regret.”

“I wouldn’t regret it,” Elsie murmured.

“Nor I,” he breathed.

Chancellor Roderick flailed and opened his mouth like a fish out of water, gasping for air, before throwing his hands up in frustration and storming between them. He spun on his heel at the Chantry doors and pointed a finger at them. “You’ve not heard the last of this,” he spat, before slamming the Chantry doors behind him.

“If only it were,” Cullen deadpanned, and Elsie snorted.

“At least that is one thing we can agree on.”

“What’s that?”

“Our mutual dislike of that man,” she smirked and his chest tightened.

Suddenly, he wanted to kiss her: to leave her breathless and see if tasting her mouth would be enough to sate him, and put an end to the temptation. But she had shown no sign of having any thoughts of that inclination, so he cleared his throat.

“Shall I escort you back to your cabin?” he offered.

“Ohh, an escort? Is this because we are friends ,” she teased, falling into step beside him.

He rolled his eyes. “I… forgive me if I misspoke, but-”

“No, no, it’s quite alright. I think I would like us to be friends if we can.” He tried not to look too pleased with her words but he was all too aware that if Elsie looked at him, she would catch him with a silly grin on his face.

“It would make sense to know more about each other if we are working together. I already know about half of Josephine’s family history,” she continued as they walked, their boots crunching in the freshly fallen snow on the path.

“Well, what would you like to know?” he asked.”Perhaps you’ll find we have more in common than our mutual hatred of Chancellor Roderick.”

She chuckled. “You see, that’s one thing I am learning about you already - that you have a darkly sarcastic sense of humour, quite similar to my own. I never would’ve guessed it.”

He shook his head sadly. “My secret is out, Maker help me,” which earned him another trickle of laughter that was light and musical. He adored it. Andraste, if I can make her smile and laugh and be her friend, then I can be content with that...can’t I?

As he bade farewell to her outside of her cabin, he walked slowly away, shuffling around the thoughts in my head. I will have to be content, he thought. As this will feeling will never be reciprocated.

<- PREVIOUS CHAPTER

[scoundrels-in-love]

1 for the romance prompt meme?

This only took my like 4 days get around to, though I got the idea immediately!

1.

A Touch

Takes place in the Arranged Marriage/Soulmate AU I first touched in If I’m gonna (lose) love someone, (don’t) let it be you.

[Send me prompt?

Also on AO3 because this deserves to stand on its own, if only for the connection it holds to that verse.

———————

Wanting is easier when you have no concept or words for the ache in your rib cage or your weary fingers or longing for something undefinable to cushion the weight of cold darkness in nights filled with doubts over decisions that will affect too many lives. At least that is what Brienne thinks. After all, a child will crave food, but if he does not know all the many kinds there are, if he doesn’t know the sweetness of strawberries or honeyed milk, his mind will conjure simpler images to taunt him with instead of impossible feasts.

She wishes she could go back to that simplicity.

To the time all she wanted after an exhausting day was her father’s comforting hug and low voice reminding her that words are wind. To when her mother’s and brother’s smile, blurred around edges by sunlight and time, would fill her with vague understanding of solace, but the yearning digging in her chest was blunted by knowledge no one can cross the riptide separating them.

To the time thought of loving and being loved by anyone else was incomprehensible and merely a breeze of longing, instead of a constant gale that pushes her toward the sea that may swallow her foolish heart.

But, she thinks as she watches Jaime shed his armor, perhaps it’s not the sea she should fear, but the jagged rocks awaiting her beneath Casterly Rock.

Before he can catch her staring, she turns away and focuses on her own armor. By all means, their squires should be here to help, but Jaime had sent them away on some errand, though she thinks he merely had no mind to deal with anyone in this state. They’ve seen so many men, and boys as well, fighting and dying. Both on the ‘wrong’ and the ‘right’ side, if there is one. She hopes there is. She has to believe there is.

There’s a hissed curse behind her and in next moment, she’s by his side, helping with the particularly frustrating buckle. He glares at her (not at her, but his own loss of ability, Brienne reminds herself), but she doesn’t step away.

“You hurt your ribs in the fall, did you not? The sooner you get out of this and see Maester the better,” she explains matter-of-factly and something softens in his face as he acknowledges her diversion from the emptiness by his right side. In turn, something sways in her chest at the sight, tapping gently against her heart.

Together, they divest him of his armor quickly, but before she can return to her side of the tent (the camp can only support one garishly lavish Commander tent and it is not as if they can explain they’re wedded in no more than name and co-leadership), he grasps her arm with the half undone vambrace. She opens her mouth to ask, then closes it, because the wanting is back, whispering to her about basking in the simplicity of taking care of each other that had drove her across the invisible line running through their shared space in the first place.

They work in silence, even when his fingers graze the white line sitting a top few red ones and far too many black ones on her left wrist, revealed where her doublet’s sleeve has ridden up. They have never spoken about it and by now, Brienne doubts they ever will. The reasons why it doesn’t really matter have changed through the years, from spiteful defiance to it’s not what binds us together. And even the definition of the ‘it’ that does has shifted and grown, far beyond words she ever thought she’d use or he is likely to think in regards to her.

She takes in a shuddering breath and pulls her arm away to get started on the next piece, pretending not to notice the twist of Jaime’s mouth as if she had dug her fingers into a dark and deep bruise, but he is too stubborn to say it.

Last of battle induced rush has seeped out of Brienne by the time her blue armor has become a pile on the floor and part of her wants to crumble by it, wants his arms around her - solid and filled with warmth of life -, wants nonsensical promises of ‘we did the best we could’, wants, wants.

(He gave her this armor and the sword, he shields her back and her left in battlefield and bloodbath of court, cannot he be another sort of armor, just for half an hour? But no, if now she’s merely a child imagining the sweetness of a foreign fruit, knowing it would surely ruin her.)

“I need to wash my face,” she says instead of all the nonsense buzzing softly in her throat. “Wouldn’t want to give the Measter even worse a scare, true,” Jaime agrees and she bristles a little, but enough for him to see. (But what doesn’t he see?) His mouth twists again, but not in satisfaction as it used to when he landed a well placed reminder of her ugly looks. But Brienne has no time to decipher it as he pulls her towards a chair, leaving her standing there dumbly and leaves to fetch a bowl of water and cloth, dragging another chair closer as he returns.

“Sit. I have had enough of standing for now and I have no intentions of tiptoeing for the right angle.” She does as told and catches a glimpse of grin. “This is the best thing to come of this battle - you have never listened to me before.”

“I listen when you say things worth hearing.”

The sunbeam fades from Jaime’s face as he puts cloth to her cheek and begins cleaning away the blood and the grime. “I told you not to charge in there - you could have died.”

“I think the experience of battlefield you like to bring up at any opportunity will tell you that any of us could have died at any moment.” The first part almost brings out a smile, before it is chased away by reality. She regrets it.

“That doesn’t mean you should seek it out, Brienne. You know better.” He sounds hoarse, somehow more so than he had when they entered the tent, though it makes no sense.

“I do. And I knew I could manage.” She had, too. It hadn’t even been the moment she earned a new scar. Brienne tries not to think of the one that had.

“And the other time?” Of course Jaime doesn’t hesitate to remind her. He tilts her head, fingers gentle on her jaw and then chin, so he can get a better angle.

“Also then.” She hadn’t, in truth. But she had seen him fall from his horse, sword just out of his grasp, and nothing else had mattered. Her hands clench on her knees, much like her gut does at the memory, and also to contain the ache in her hands, the sort that only comes from wanting to touch him. (It’s becoming more and more familiar with each month and she fears the day it will stop fading away. It’s bad enough it arrives even when he’s days’ worth of ride away.)

“You shouldn’t prioritize me on the battlefield.”

“I did not.” It’s not a complete lie, she had saved other soldiers as well, but it’s not clear truth as well - living among the lions has taught her few things about necessarily cast shadows. And yet she continues, goaded by the weighed gentleness of his gaze and touch.

“And every soldier in an army will protect their commander. We need you.” I need you. As commander, as friend, as everything he cannot be and everything he is though he doesn’t see it.

“We need you, too,” he tells her resolutely and she wants to hear the same sentiment in it so badly she almost can.

He puts the cloth away, done with cleaning, leans in closer and angles her face again, inspecting the wound on her forehead. “It will scar.” She nods mutely at that. “They say scars make a man, Ser.”

Part of her wants to take offense, like she had back when they first met and he had told her he doubted marriage between men would do much to ally the Kingdoms. (The way dust had kicked around him when he landed on ground hard a minute later still sends a spark of satisfaction through her.) Yet, the rest of her knows he means well, using the title he himself had given her. You’ve earned it with honor and wear it with such.

“If not that, at least it cannot do any further damage to my looks,” she concurs.

Jaime opens his mouth to say something, but his agreement is not something Brienne wants to hear right now so she snatches the cloth from the table: “Your turn.”

Since he hasn’t suffered a head injury that bleeds quite profusely, there’s less work to be done, but she doesn’t rush. And if he notices that Brienne uses the advantage of having both hands to keep touching his jaw almost constantly, he says nothing.

The silence stretches and winds around them, like the ribbon that had been tied around their joined hands during the wedding, though it brings comfort instead of resigned dread.

Neither of them move to rise even when she is done, taking what little rest and strength they can before they are thrown back into counting their losses and gains, planning next move.

Yes, Brienne thinks as she looks at him, it was immensely easier when she didn’t know the want of kissing someone more than words without anchor in a song, when relief hadn’t taken form of his pulse and his arms and her name on her husband’s lips. When If only Jaime was here wasn’t the first thought to cross her mind as she stands on battlements, staring at the night sky - sleepless from her duties (which he’d give insight in or frustratingly joke about) or merely growing pains of longings as they take shape.

And yet, none of the steps she has taken to be here have been easy. Natural and necessary, maybe, but not easy. So it makes a cruel sort of sense that loving her husband, her soulmate, would be the same.

She smiles a little at the thought and Jaime quirks eyebrow at her, but she blessedly escapes a questioning with the arrival of Maester with Jaime’s squire in tow, who then piles new reports on the table. The reprieve is over, but it has given her much to treasure and feed her longings piece by piece to quiet the hungry ache when Jaime is unreachable. (Even if sometimes it is when he’s standing right next to her.)

[noblehigh]

**slams fists down ** five times kissed !!! ( basically make me feel things )

send  five times kissed  for a drabble about five times our muses have kissed.

i. )  there was always a sort of unity when they were in the fireflies. they were a family, to a certain extent, but nothing like how it is here in jackson. it’s truly a  community, full of people who know everyone else, people who keep up with other’s troubles, and do their best to help  ease  those troubles. no one is given too much of a workload, and it’s fairly easy to get time off if you need it. it’s a sense of normalcy, something that’s one in a million. brian’s convinced that there’s no other place like it in the world. though, their world is very small compared to the endless opportunities that could be waiting somewhere else. they don’t know what could be waiting on another continent, if those places were even  effected.  he believes they were ; he believes everywhere is gone, everywhere is bits and pieces, and wherever there are people they’re trying to make due with what they’ve got.

tonight, the community has gathered out in the streets ; fires blazing, music playing. they’ve somehow convinced joel to play a little guitar, but most are amused by the way his brother strums on his own, taunting and joking with him. it’s not that tommy is bad, he’s just  definitely  got his own taste. laughs are shared, children run freely (  brian’s being one of them  ), and he finds himself snuggled back in a corner next to the stairs of the saloon with the one person who’s made this place truly feel like  home:  paul. 

there’s a hot cup of cocoa in his mitten-clad hands, and a gaze that was previously set on all the fuss around him slowly begins to focus on the man next to him. he just  watches.  watches as paul smiles, watching the music play and the children dance ; dina has managed to pull ellie up, and she’s up to her usual antics of putting on a show, this time with her lover. the flicker of the flames near them puts a special kind of sparkle in paul’s eyes, and brian can’t help but  smile. he leans over, presses a lingering kiss to the man’s temple. it’s sweet, soft ; it’s meant to show appreciation, more than anything. appreciation that paul is here, that he’s  alive, and that he’s  with  him. it’s an impulsive move, but at the same time it feels so  natural, like it’s the right thing to do.

ii. )  it didn’t take much convincing to get himself and paul put on a patrol together. maria and tommy are forgiving. they seem to sometimes  exude  love ; this deep care for everyone in the community, no matter the diversity or the situation. they want everyone to be happy, that much seems obvious to brian, and as long as it doesn’t harm anything and they can still get their work done, why  not  have two people who enjoy each other’s company on the same route?

brian has always had a love for horses, and has since gotten his own after being in the community for awhile. whiskey. his pride and joy. a large, brown horse who stands as tall as the highest building, with the elegance of a fine ensemble. he’s beauty, he’s  grace  --  he might just  be  mister united states. it’s why he rides him with such  pride. today, he managed to talk paul into just taking one horse ; yes, it’s due in part to him wanting to show off the stud, but also because he wanted to be  closer  to his favorite jackson patrol member. he follows along the muddy trail, sat high, hands loosely gripping the reigns as whiskey trots along through the tall grass. brian’s head turns to the side to glance over his shoulder, halfway keeping his gaze on the trail before them as he speaks to the other man,  ❛  -- i’ve always had a soft spot for animals, y’know?  ❜  oh, really?  ❛  yeah.. -- before all of this, we had a rottweiler named jackie -- she was badass. i had a horse for awhile, too-- and a  snake. i think, out of all of ‘em that the snake probably made it out.. maybe he got to live a long life. i don’t know how well they don’t out of captivity once they’ve been in it, though..  ❜  probably not  well. he turns his head back to the front, chuckles before adding,  ❛  -- his name was steve-o... y’know.. like that guy from  jackass? he was still little when everythin’ went to shit, only about two years old. he was a ball python, they’re great for p-- ❜  it’s when he glances back that he cuts himself off because, well.. quite frankly, he can see the way paul is looking at him. he’s looking at him like he’s the biggest  dork  on the planet. but that’s the thing with brian: you get him started on a subject he likes, something he’s  passionate  about, and he could talk for hours.

❛  -- what?  ❜  oh, nothing..  ❛  i’m ramblin’, aren’t i?  ❜  he gets a chuckle in response, no words, but a kiss to the corner of his mouth pairs with it. he’ll take it. smiling wide, he takes one of his hands off the reigns to reach back, giving paul a pat on his thigh. ❛  you’re by far my  favorite  person to run patrol with, you know that?  ❜

iii. )   ❛  ohhhh, c’mere, munchkin--  ❜  he drawls out, bending down to pick up his son from where he sits in the living room in front of paul. he’s got all of his legos out, and it’s no doubt going to be a  task  to clean them all up.  i don’t wanna!  ❛  well, i know you don’t  wanna, but you  gotta  go to bed. you know why?  ❜  the child shakes his head, looking rather bashful, and still rather  skeptical ; bedtime just doesn’t seem like it should be such a necessity... especially when you’re having so much fun!  ❛  ‘cause you gotta get big ‘n strong. and if you get a good sleep, maybe we can get up early and go play in the snow with dina tomorrow, huh?  ❜  that seems enough to persuade him. the boy smiles, nods his head quickly.  ❛  all right, then,  ❜  brian agrees, and he turns to look at paul before heading for the stairs,  ❛  i’ll be right back.  ❜

when he comes back down from putting oliver to bed, he notices the smile on paul’s lips. he’s intrigued, shown by the smirk that’s tugging at the corner of his mouth. ❛  -- and what are you smilin’ about?  ❜ he inquires as he heads over to the fridge to pull out two beers ; he then moseys on back over to where the other man sits, taking a seat next to him.  you’re a good dad, you know.  not even a question, a  statement. the once  uplifted  mood the man had has now turned a bit sour, proven in the way he loses eye contact with paul and looks down. he breaks open one of the beers, sliding it over on the coffee table to the other, then opening one for himself. well, he’s got some kind of vice now, so he’s willing to talk about the dirty past  (  as long as he can drown himself in  something  ).  ❛  wasn’t always like that.. -- don’t really know if it even  is  like that,  ❜  he comments, knocking bag a large swig of the amber liquid.  ❛  i wasn’t there like i should’ve been when he was a baby.. when he was  younger. had a lot of.. bad shit goin’ on in my head.  ❜  a multitude of things, but, mainly, a nasty drug habit. ❛  i’d probably still be just as shitty if the infected hadn’t started eatin’ everyone.  ❜  hey--  paul seems quick to cut off the harsh criticism of himself, and it’s probably best that way. if he lets it go, brian could easily spiral into spilling all the things he finds wrong with himself, and that would just ruin the mood of the night. he’s never been his biggest fan, and that’s one thing the end of the world  couldn’t  change.

a kiss to his shoulder is what finally makes him look back over, and he winds up resting his forehead against the other man’s, eyes slowly falling shut.  you can’t change the past.  he’s right, of course.  ❛  -- is there ever a time that you ain’t up to par on everythin’?  ❜  he swears, there’s never a time that paul  isn’t  right. still, it’s said with good intention, and it’s clear paul has lightened his mood a bit just by the faint smile on brian’s lips. he tips his chin up, lets their lips meet for a short, sweet kiss.  ❛  stay here tonight.. i don’t want you to go.  ❜

iv. )   ❛  hey!  ❜  it’s the first time he’s felt  frustration  towards the man, and he definitely isn’t scared to  show it.  paul begins to head towards the exit of their stationed patrol at the sound of a  shrilling  scream (  one asking for help, no less ), stating he’s going to go check it out.  ❛  -- we can’t just go out there like it’s nothin’, you don’t know what’s out there!  ❜  someone could be hurt, brian, you heard that. it was a call for help.  ❛  it’s outside of our zone--  ❜  brian. he’s right-- fuck, he  knows  he’s right, and it’s not like brian to be wary of going outside of zones or to even be wary of going and helping someone. he’s usually the first to jump to it, but there’s been more raiders around than usual lately, and he fears this one might be a trap. 

why are you fighting me on this?  because he’s  scared. he could give a  shit  about himself, but if something happened to  paul?  that’s something he’d never be able to forgive himself for. leaving the fireflies, all the damage and death that followed, including the death of  joel -- those are things he can find the time to push away, or find the time to get over  (  even if it comes back to haunt him every so often  ).  the more time he and paul spend together, the more he finds himself becoming  attached ; he’d be terrified to even think of it, the word  (  love  ), but he fears he’s edging closer and closer to it becoming his truth.  ❛  i’m sorry--  ❜  it’s a rarity for him to apologize, to admit he’s  wrong, but he  is. it’s out of character for him, and paul has to have noticed that, as well. he lets out a sigh, steps over to reach for his backpack that’s rested on an office chair, and he makes his way to where the other man stands. 

he fights with himself on what to say. he fights admitting that he doesn’t want anything to happen to him, that he doesn’t know what he’d do with himself if something did, that he’s increasingly becoming  scared  whenever they go out because of the countless possibility of  bad shit  that could happen to him. instead, he takes his hand, presses a lingering kiss to his forehead, and gives his hand a tight squeeze. he hopes he knows what it means without having to say it.  (  i want you safe, i want you with me when we get back to jackson. )  ❛  let’s go check it out, but let’s be smart about it.  ❜  always.

v. )  he would fight an army of infected, he would leap  bounds, if it all meant that he could savor in even  one  of these moments. he hangs onto these tightly, close to his heart. they’re both sat on paul’s bed having come back from a long patrol, the weight of his backpack finally falling as dead-weight to the floor. he brings his hand up, rubs at his sore shoulder. he watches paul as he sets his own backpack on the bed, beginning to unpack a few things he needs, and while he does that, brian pulls off his own jacket and his dirty shirt. 

when paul rids himself of his shirt, that’s when brian makes his way over to him. the bruises and scars that pepper the skin of the man he’s grown fond of are reminders of the fight they battle each day, and brian runs his calloused fingers along a few of them. his head dips down, soft kisses being sprinkled along the length of his shoulder to the curvature of his neck. one hand raises, loops a finger in the hair tie that holds the other’s hair, and he tugs until it’s loose and falls, cascading over his shoulders. palms run up and down his arms, squeezing soft at his biceps, and he nuzzles his nose against his jaw.  ❛  you’re so beautiful..  ❜  it’s spoken soft ; no one is around, but he wants to make sure only he can hear it. he wants him to know how  special  he is, because he feels like he doesn’t show it enough, and he definitely doesn’t  say  it enough. index and middle find paul’s jaw, and he turns his head until his entire body follows, and he’s facing brian. a kiss, slow, passionate, and  wanton graces his lips, fingers beginning to thread through the hair at the back of the man’s head.  ❛  you have to know how much you mean to me. i want you to know..  ❜  brian..  ❛  -- just let me love you.. even if it’s just tonight.  ❜

[fathersappointed]

Understanding the Times.

Understanding the Times.

Robert Ray Breaker III is an ordained King James Bible Believing Baptist Minister

Another chart analyzer, I love the way he moves his magic marker! They thought for sure, only a little while ago they were leaving! They’ve regrouped since then. And now they’re getting ready to head off again

From God to Bitcoin to the Nephilim. Oh my!

They know Jesus is coming soon he says. Every time it gets a little shaky the religious start preaching that the raptures is about to happen and that Christ is going to appear soon any day now! Breaker says, the world has just achieved a population of 7,777,777,777.00 that’s a lot of seven he says if you know your Bible you know that God uses the number 7 a whole lot. He says a lot of people are what they call woke up They’ve woken up Waking up to what is going on in the world but they just can’t figure it out. He says We’re seeing that this is the beginning of the birth pangs the beginning of the end there’s still a thousand and seven years but it’s the end of what the Bible calls the church age and it’s the coming about of what the Bible calls the time of the Antichrist He says that before the Antichrist comes Christians have to make an exit and they will be leaving soon.

This doesn’t surprise me they always talk about leaving the planet. There’s never any talk though about turning around coming back and helping the defenseless victims! It’s all about sitting around the campfire with God toasting marshmallows listening to the screaming souls in the flames! Hey, it’s all about the love!

He says the Bible is prophecy!

He says the Bible tells us (well that clinches it for me!) that God is the almighty and he is the Creator and that he wrote the Bible to tell us of future events and from the beginning, he told us what would happen.

And that’s a good thing he did because now they know absolutely positively one more time absolutely what the devil’s going to do, step by step! He’s going to hold their hands and walk them through it right to the end. Its kind of like the devil is just a fluffy, old puppet going along with the story.

He says we have a thing in the Bible called prophecy and the Bible is prophecy.  He says the Bible is a full book of Prophecy so if you come to the Bible you will learn what’s going to happen in the future. And that’s why there are so many Christians out there that are excited about the times we live in. They re in their Bibles and looking at what’s happening and they’re like wow this is wonderful. Because they’re saying the Bible says this is going to happen next which would be the rapture. I have all future history and I know what’s going to happen before it happens it’s all right there in the Bible God wrote the Bible I believe that God gave us this book and I know certainly that it’s true because it has prophesied of many things over the centuries and over the Millennia that eventually came to pass and it’s never been wrong He says all these things are online he ain’t making it up. He says they want to turn you into a 5g antenna! Breaker says they want to inject you with DNA changing substances 060606. He says It sounds like science fiction it sounds crazy if this sounds weird to you I don’t know what to tell you It’s all over the Internet it’s out in the open and I’ve got this file here of patent 060606 thing DNA 1% you know what they’ve done they’ve made you something completely different you’re no longer you now that gets into the Nephilim. There’s a lot of people that watch YouTube they talk about the Nephilim DNA in the fallen angels and how they’re trying to mix Fallen Angels DNA into the human beings why because the devil has his fallen angels and he wants people that worship him to be like him.

Breaker looks in this video like he’s standing alone but he’s not there are a billion people standing with him, talking in unison. That’s what his words represent the thinking of a vast amount of people conditioned controlled!

What it looks like to me is the spirit world merging with our physical world so that the things of the spirit can actually get into this world the devil and his angels the demons their unclean spirits and they want this world so they’re finding a way in which they can merge together I’m convinced I don’t know how to explain it but I think the electromagnetism that wireless the things like this somehow work in the spirit world as they do in the physical world and the demons use these electromagnetic waves and if they can get those somehow inside of you it makes it easier for a demon to get inside of you

This guy oughta try sidelining as a conspiracy theorist sell bug out bags of overpriced dried food!

This poor zealot is having a cosmic meltdown of biblical proportions! They have pumped this guy up good he’s coming at you Full Tilt!

I feel bad for Breaker and all those like him  It’s unfortunate what’s happening to him and is happening to others like him they are victims of this evil group.

The complexity Of the attacks that Christ and the Devil are implementing in the World and how they are utilizing it within this video and manipulating Breaker is beyond the ability to fully explain within the context of this post however I’m going to attempt to explain some of the strategies the Devil and Christ and the betrayers are utilizing within the structure of their attack.

Okay, so what’s happening here?

Glimmers the Devil uses glimmers of knowledge glimmers of truth!

We need to understand Breaker didn’t just pick up this book and say this is how our reality is. There has been reinforcement within his psyche our world is a caption world a controlled world. We have no understandings of existence we are shut off and cut off we’ve been here thousands of years and within that entire time, there has been a steady assault of religion upon this planet structured religion, now saturation within radio, TV, literature, music, institutions built to proclaim God’s name. And they read these religious books these created religious books. Within these books, they find words that speak to them they find instances that they believe proves the truth contained within these books. And this is the case with this religious speaker. But as I said this is a multi-faceted attack And he’s getting his information from other sources as well. He gets on the internet He listens and becomes enthralled by the rhetoric of panicking religious fanatics. Breaker says I’m just looking at going wow wow because it’s all starting to come together like a giant jigsaw puzzle and point to the Rapture.

Listen to how this guy preaches he is absolutely enthralled, enrapture He’s gotten entirely wrapped up to what’s happening but he can only see this from a religious perspective. If you look at all enthralled worshipers Breaker is a good example. He has studied the Bible intensely but they are caught in a befuddlement of abandonment. That is to say, Breaker as everyone stands in a confounding World an existence he cannot understand. Breaker like all the religious people cannot see this in any way but from a religious perspective, they believe the Christ will appear very soon to save the faithful. But as in other instances when they declared Christ would appear and then nothing Christ isn’t going to appear this time either!

G5 is not being implemented to turn you into apocalypse zombies. There’s no Nasty Apple Eaten Fallen Angels by the multitude waiting to infect you with they’re infected DNA.  You’re already infected. See how their flawed thinking turns their minds into putty that Christ and the Devil can mold to their liking.

What’s happening is conditioning preparation!

We are subjected to a multi-faceted attack! Once again there are, no fallen angels, it is a group of extremely intelligent and cold-bloodedly ruthless betrayers

The devil uses diverse ways to bring information two people sometimes directly sometimes through others sometimes he speaks in your mind sometimes he leaves thoughts sometimes He uses Glimmers a whiff, of an  impression. You have to ask yourself why is the Devil telling everybody in advance what’s going to happen!

He doesn’t understand he’s a snared a captured man.  Like all religious people, they’re trapped in the context of religion And they have no way of understanding this has nothing to do with religion. If it were I suppose this situation could seem like a pivoting point in time for Christ to make his appearance. We are subjected to a multi-faceted attack we need to understand this is a group of cold-bloodedness! They’re evil their intent, the world cannot comprehend People don’t understand and can’t accept that these beings are here in our existence. This existence was here, our existence was here from the beginning of our history they have been here. History of this world as we know it is an act of treachery they’re manipulating Forced Controls. The happenings of events within this world, this is all structured for a complex attack. Breaker like so many believes these times are dangerous times Breaker like all in the world have become conditioned soft they think G5 a horror. But this world has seen horrors the likes of which the condition people of today have no understanding of. World Wars like World War II a war of devastating portions with hardships the world no longer understands and yet no God, no Christ, no Antichrist, appeared this is soft time compared to then.

This is a group of cold-blooded intent! The world needs to understand how this group operates Breaker is a pitchman his understandings, his thoughts his emotions are directed by this group! People he comes in contact with, people he listens to, respect their opinions are manipulated players put in these positions for mental conditioning.

These are the minds the Techno Wizards are going to Reveal themselves too! Can you understand why the devil’s laughing!

The whole world will believe a lie!

You are of your father the devil, and your will is to do your father’s desires. He was a murderer from the beginning and has nothing to do with the truth because there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks out of his own character, for he is a liar and the father of lies.

And the great dragon was thrown down, that ancient serpent, who is called the devil and Satan, the deceiver of the whole world—he was thrown down to the earth, and his angels were thrown down with him.

He says we’re living in the last days and a lot of people are seeing a lot of propagated a lot of lies now the Bible tells us a lot about the tribulation. And during the time in which the whole world will believe a lie, the Antichrist is a liar and he’s going to lie.

Breaker says during the tribulation they’ll be a time when the whole world believes a lie!  I have little doubt the betrayers and the Devil weren’t thinking of the Antichrist when they thought that one up! That is the great lie but that’s not the great lie in this particular time moment.

Christ and the other betrayers they’re writing this stuff! Let’s think about this for a minute why are they telling you the devil is a liar?

What is not understood is this is a planned structured strategy that’s been put in place thousands of years ago. Everything experienced in history up to now is to prepare you.  You see in religion the Rapture, for instance, is a good example confusion that’s what you see that’s what they want you to see multiple religions multiple denominations everyone cannot be right! Things are going to get a lot worst a whole lot worst! And people are going to start screaming for relief.

There is a reason they want you to believe this stuff

Worshipers believe they understand absolutely what’s going to happen. These thoughts are created manipulation within them, some through direct reinforcement. Christ and the Devil cannot just show up with the Antichrist their smoke and mirrors sleight of hand maneuvers are woefully inadequate for the task. But what do they have? Understand these are not Cosmic entities of mystical mysticism that are beyond compare! What we’re dealing with is a group of compromised terraformers. They have within their arsenal ships capable of traverse through the solar system! Computational abilities capable of traversing dimensions! And they have quantum computer compatible AI Androids! They also have the ability to mentally manipulate with highly advanced technology. And that is what they have to use to set up a scenario where they can implement their plan.

G5 is not being set up to turn you into an apocalyptic Zombie!  

G5 is being implemented to make it easier for their computer system to integrate with the robotic AI, needed for acceleration purposes. It’s also to integrate you into the computer system. To get everybody chipped in as it were. This won’t happen immediately it’ll take quite a few years yet.

God, where is God? Why is he not here?

The fact that God isn’t around isn’t a coincidence there is no God so of course, one wouldn’t be here! But in the context of the story, God should be here! They’re going to have a convincing reason why God has been away for so long, this reason is going to take the commitment of an entire planet! A commitment of absoluteness to rectify what the Devil and the Fallen Angels(Christ and the rest of the Betrayers) have done that prevents God from being here.

I would tell Breaker He’s in a very dangerous situation that he’s being deceived! That he needs to be extremely careful but like so many, he won’t believe my words are true. At best he’ll think I’m demonically sent to deceive him.

Be careful try to understand we’re being manipulated we’re being played! And the entire world is unwittingly walking into their ploy!

Breaker’s interpretations are not accepted by some of the other denominations they interpreted the Bible differently.

I’m going with the one in the middle. Oddly, Omni has trouble with clarity!

How does a lack of clarity benefit a loving God (with conditions) saving his children from a horrible evil? It doesn’t but it benefits Evil planning to kill you!

Hold on, God just showed up and wait a minute, he’s rolling, he’s rolling some ominous looking dice, one’s a 3 the other ones a 4! I don’t believe it, it’s a 7 

The devil’s gambling you’ll believe this religious malarkey.

Nanotechnology (or “nanotech“) is the manipulation of matter on an atomic, molecular, and supramolecular scale. The concepts that seeded nanotechnology were first discussed in 1959 by renowned physicist Richard Feynman in his talk There’s Plenty of Room at the Bottom, in which he described the possibility of synthesis via direct manipulation of atoms.

Human Coronavirus Types

Coronaviruses are named for the crown-like spikes on their surface. There are four main sub-groupings of coronaviruses, known as alpha, beta, gamma, and delta.

Human coronaviruses were first identified in the mid-1960s. The seven coronaviruses that can infect people are:

Common human coronaviruses

229E (alpha coronavirus)

NL63 (alpha coronavirus)

OC43 (beta coronavirus)

HKU1 (beta coronavirus)

Other human coronaviruses

MERS-CoV (the beta coronavirus that causes Middle East Respiratory Syndrome, or MERS)

SARS-CoV (the beta coronavirus that causes severe acute respiratory syndrome, or SARS)

SARS-CoV-2 (the novel coronavirus that causes coronavirus disease 2019, or COVID-19)

People around the world commonly get infected with human coronaviruses 229E, NL63, OC43, and HKU1.

[parkbearum]

Saudade

/souˈdädə/

desire to be near someone or something distant; a feeling of longing, melancholy, or nostalgia.

Ceo!Chanyeol

The sound of the clock matched with the monotone atmosphere of the room while the setting sun kept changing colors from yellow to different sparks of orange.The shadows of the plants on the floor moved with time,the soul in the room still quiet while watching the day change,the outside world not so much.

Shaking her leg,the soul waited for a company in the quiet room.Her eyes danced with the moving lights,traveling around the room from literature books to dull colored mugs on the shelf.The silver mannequins and countless exotic plants did not seem to interest her anymore while her heart kept wondering off,independent from her mind.

A few months ago,she was in a small one-room apartment with no furniture other than a bed and now she stood in the highest floor of a plaza,luxury in every corner to the point she felt blind from it,slowly getting comfortable with the feeling of safety in exchange of certain things.

It wasn’t a job she thought was possible for her,she thought while laying down on the couch,her hair catching different shades of the setting sun while she stood up and walked around the room,looking for something interesting to spend time with.The huge windows that replaced 3 walls of the room offered her some comfort while the whole city laid under her feet,the feeling of excitement and thrill all at once going through her veins.

She wasn’t the type of girl to be affected so easily by someone else,she had no idea what her heart wanted until a few hours ago when she woke up in the middle of an afternoon nap in his bed.The white walls and a quiet bathroom greeted her as she roamed around the empty apartment,not quite sure what she was looking for.As time passed,she started to wait for his arrival home,missing his warm side of the bed while finding it hard to admit it so.

While watching the clock,praying that time would pass a bit more quicker than it was doing,her mind started to think about how it all started,whether it was for the best or this was just a regular occurrence around this part of the town.

Her mind stayed too focused to the point that she didn’t hear the sound of the front door opening,a tiny sound in a huge house that was deadly quiet still while the sounds of her mind kept her busy on the couch.Hearing the sounds of his steps pulled him through her thoughts as he came in the room to meet her,a fading smile on her lips as she watched him take his jacket off and sit next to her after putting his stuff on the office side of the spacious room.

Creating a tiny spark against her skin,his hands found her arms,pulling her bruised soul against his tired one,the intention not being to create a moment but simply to relieve as she was there to do so.Soon,their skins burned against one another while the setting sun took over their figures on top of each other,sounds of soft moans and her lips against his filling the calm room.

You watched the water run down your figure,making you feel relaxed at heart in a clumsy morning you had.It was a habit of you to wait for it warm up but now that you were financially stable due to his presence,that wasn’t quite necessary.Every little piece of your life 2 months ago remained with you,the only thing keeping you sane after meeting him.

You shook your head as attempt of getting rid of your tangled thoughts that kept you awake at night.Getting out of the shower,you looked at yourself in the mirror,finding the elegant lady hard to recognize in the fancy bathroom.It was quite the change you and been through and you were partly responsible for it.

Meeting him,giving his soul the craving he had been having ever since he stepped into his independent life and all the things you had done together....

Getting out of the house meant that you were leaving your inner thoughts in the house and taking a new mindset into consideration.Meeting people,let alone getting alone was a struggle in itself due to diverse elements they all carried and this put anxiety in you,that you would be seen in any way.

Blending into the background and not standing out was not your favorite but preference.It was easier to get by,not knowing too many people as a way to protect disappointment and lose of hope in humanity as it had happened before.Seeing people made you feel nervous at heart because of how they’ve treated you all your life,not so good.

As a loner with very little family,people had been cruel creates you had been trying your best to escape from to avoid trouble,headaches and heart break.You were very cautious when you met him,not because he seemed bad but because you just couldn’t trust anyone,not just like that.

He had tried for a month to break what you had built for yourself,stone walls that were harder than any border he had seen.The way you would open up slowly,progress in tiny little steps kept him interested,it kept him content to see you in another shadow even though he knew what you two had was nothing like it.

You’d like to describe the relationship as a two way street,affection in exchange of money.He was a rich young man who wanted someone in late nights to talk to,to make love to and you didn’t mind his company after he showed his true colors.You were a student in need of certain wealth,he gave you that;also much more but you didn’t let him know the way he made you feel just because you didn’t feel the authority to do so.

Feeling his torso against your back,you leaned your back against the skin,water running down in between your bare bodies while you felt his hands roaming around your body,a routine it had became in a matter of weeks.Feeling his hands on your hair,your body felt like ecstasy had taken over you as you felt his lips against yours,his hands gripping your body with all he had.

You broke the kiss for some air,hand on his cheeks“Morning.”you gave him a smile,not looking at his eyes that seemed a bit too sad today.

“Morning,babygirl.”he kissed you one more time,slowly so that you would feel the escape route he was taking.

In moments like this,you felt like you were ready to give him every inch of your heart.His heart seemed to belong with yours as you kissed,deeper and deeper each time while the water washed your worries away in the sunny morning;it felt real.

He whispered your nickname to your ear while keeping your body attached to his,not letting go of your waist under the warm water.Babygirl,again and again until he knew you would remember the sound of his voice when he said the world,every crack and each vowel.

Getting out of the shower was another trouble as he refused to let you go.Even though he had told you in the beginning that what you had was not a love relationship and far from it,you were his safe place in the cold places he had been through every and each day.

You tried to escape his hands and put a robe on as he watched you,much with lust and care he had in his heart for you.The color of brown in his eyes getting darker with each second as his body found yours once again against the sink as he caressed your legs,making your whole body feel hot,a fire spreading across from every area he had touched,his soft moans against your body.

“I....we don’t have...”you tried to let words out,your whole body burning with lust as he caressed you with soft hands,your body immediately reacting.

“Time?”he said in between his soft moans as you felt him down,pressing against your back while he tried to the robe of off you with a swift move he made.

“Fu-...ugh.”you let out as moans while he caressed your core,your whole body tingling as his front side was pressed against your back,your whole body being supported by the sink as you held on to one of his arms while he lifted up one of your legs.

The next few minutes were all you moaning and his body moving against yours as you felt your whole body shake with lust,it was like this that you knew your place.The kisses on your neck and a small whisper meant that he was about to clean you up while you tried to move,he held your leg and told you to stay still while making sure you’re clean all over,a kiss on the forehead and you were done.

If someone else saw you like this,they would think of a lovey-dovey couple,a dream far from reality.

“I’ll get someone to pick you up today after class.”he said while you got dressed in a quiet manner,nodding as you realized you were going to be staying with him for this week because that was the agreed time.

There were times when you didn’t see him at all and some times it was everyday that he would call you and have someone pick you up to fill his room in moans late at night.

Just when he was about to leave his apartment,his eyes caught you.Slowly getting dressed while the sun hit your face,making you glow even more than you would usually do.The urge to hug you arose in his heart,following the thoughts of the adoration he had for you.He buttoned his suit up and said a small goodbye before telling you a cold sentence.

“I transactioned the money to your account.”he said,your heart dropping slowly as it was almost him telling you your place.

“Alright.”you said,looking up not to let your eyes water.

It was like this most of the time,a lovely morning would end in a cold note and he would just leave.You were a girl he was with for some time,probably would end soon and it was not the biggest deal for him,or at least you thought.

But you wouldn’t know for the time being because you didn’t ask,anything.The sighs out of the blue he had,brown sad eyes he only let you see at midnight when you would lay on the bed together and his bruised soul,he kept it all for himself because much like you,he had a border of walls you couldn’t seem to get a hold of.

You put on your earrings for the day and while closing the drawer of the nightstand he gave you,you saw a card.Feeling the soft silky bow against your skin,your eyes traveled on the white and gold writing while the time went on faster than you could comprehend.

“For the girl I cherish..”it said on the cover of the letter,your hands working faster than your mind while you opened the envelope.

“9 pm,wed,will pick you up,wear silk.”you read,your heart beat slowing down after reading the informal letter he wrote down,your mind still on the beginning part.Did he cherish you?Would he?

These were questions to remain unanswered.

[xoruffitup]

AITAF’s Broadway Show

WHERE DO I START? Okay, at the beginning, I guess - Deep breaths!

First, I want to describe the beautifully diverse group that came together for this extraordinary evening. It started with me and two amazing girls I met at SNL. (One being @reylonly <3) We sat together during the SNL dress rehearsal, exchanged phone numbers afterwards, and we’ve had the best group chat going ever since. My veteran dad came for me and @reylonly’s military ticket admission, while our third SNL friend had managed to connect with a colleague’s mother, who was an army nurse. The vet nurse loves theater and brought her husband as well, so we were a pretty inspiring group of all ages and backgrounds, and shared amazing conversation throughout the night.

The evening started with a very classy reception. We saw Joanne floating around talking to people and she looked stunninggg. The reception area wasn’t that big though, so we soon went down to the theater to find our seats.

We sat in the 5th row!! So when Adam came up to the front of the stage to give an introductory speech at the beginning about the inspiration to start AITAF, their 10-year anniversary, and to thank everyone who made the performance possible, I was just sitting there basking in awe and the fact that he was really THERE. TALKING. SO CLOSE. No, I would not get over it even at all for the following 2 and a half hours... :’)

I’ve read a bit of Sam Shepard but never seen True West performed live, but wow you could not ask for two better actors to play the main characters: Brothers Austin (Adam) and Lee (Michael Shannon). They said before they started the reading that they’d only rehearsed that afternoon, which is nothing short of INCREDIBLE, given how well these two played off each other. This play is full of furious, dark humor and there’s an edge of potential violence undercutting almost every scene, building the tension more and more until Austin finally tries to strangle Lee in the final scene. These two pushed and pulled at each other, getting in each other’s faces and needling each other with sharp words and insults. It was like the actors had been playing off each other for months; They knew just how to drive each other to the breaking point, and they were each brilliant in depicting the moments of rupture.

Adam highlights: There was an amazing section when Austin gets very drunk. Adam sang twice, the second time a hilarious mix of singing and shouting. He started the play wearing a blue t shirt with a grey sweater on top, but during this scene he pulled the sweater over his head, dragged it off, then bundled it up and stuffed it under his shirt. He walked around like that for a good five minutes. He half-fell against a wall and dropped to the floor, only to do a handstand and kick his feet up against the wall. (!!! This was AMAZING ahaha) At some point he did an INCREDIBLE coyote yelping noise. Another point, he talked with an entire mouthful of water and it fountained everywhere hilariously.

Lee bets Austin that he couldn’t steal any household appliances even if he wanted to, not even a toaster. (Lee steals a television early in the play.) This results in Austin stealing the entire neighborhood’s toasters and collecting them in their kitchen. (“There’s a lack of toast in the neighborhood this morning!” “You need breakfast... How about some toast?” “I love the smell of toast in the morning... it makes me feel like anything’s possible.”) All of Adam’s toast-related jokes were just killer. :’)

Obviously, Adam always looks stunning in person, but this time the highlight was unquestionably THE HAIR. The lush, long, majestic hair. There was a portion in the play when he knelt down at the front of the stage and put his head down on the floor, and !!!! THAT HEAD OF STUNNING STELLAR HAIR WOW. There was also A LOT of pushing his hair back with his hands and it got me every. single. damn. time. Be still my beating heart. (it never does when Adam’s involved...)

After the play ended, the cast stayed on stage for the Q&A, joined by the Director. Adam facilitated some discussion among the actors on their previous participation in AITAF events, and the differences between acting on stage and in film. Then he opened it up for questions from the audience.

Q&A highlights:

Someone asked how Adam manages to create a sense of intimacy in all his scenes, even when working on big films. The title “King of micro-expressions” was used, asking whether that aspect is intentional. Adam first reacted with his typical “what-me-talented?-crazy” look of skepticism, but then LOL he just bust out into every ridiculous face he could think of, to show off those micro expressions. It was SO PRESH AND FUNNY.

A few questions later, someone asked what advice he would give to his younger self while he was in the Marines, if he had a chance. Adam’s initial joke response was just: “Microexpressions” and everyone lost it.

Okay this was hands down the purest moment! The cast on stage couldn’t really see up into the balcony because of the lights, so at first Adam shaded his eyes and squinted real hard when a woman in the balcony started her question with “Hi Adam, we crossed paths back in Mishawaka a few times.” Then Adam saw who it was, grinned, and told everyone it was his high school drama teacher!! As she then began her question, she suddenly got extremely emotional and I couldn’t see it, but heard in her voice she was already or would shortly start to cry. After a moment she managed to finish her question - Whether the people Adam meets and performs for when he travels to military bases talk to him afterwards to thank him for sharing his talent and the gift of his craft. It made me a little choked up too, not gonna lie, to hear someone who knew and had some role in Adam’s earliest forays into theater, be overcome by seeing how far he’s come and all the manifold ways he puts his singular talent to use to better the world around him.

I ASKED A QUESTION AND I WAS SO CLOSE THAT HE AND I TALKED DIRECTLY TO EACH OTHER, HE LOOKED STRAIGHT AT ME AS HE ANSWERED AND IT WAS LIKE HAPPY FIREWORKS GOING OFF IN MY WHOLE BODY AHHHHHHHH. I asked him about how he’s seen attitudes change towards AITAF’s work throughout its whole 10-year journey, and I’d like to think he appreciated the question for his reflections back to their first performance and how far they’ve come since then. Video here because my friend is amazing!!!!

A SECOND BULLET DEDICATED JUST TO MY AMAZED DISBELIEF THAT ADAM SPOKE TO ME. Like, he responded to words that came out of my mouth and I somehow managed to speak said words while speaking directly to him?? SLAP ME IM DREAMING :’’’D How did I actually manage to keep myself together while in close proximity to him?! Let alone speaking directly to him?!!! I SURPRISE EVEN MYSELF. But then again, Adam seems to make the impossible possible :’)

I frequently watch theater, but tonight was really a thrilling surprise. I KNEW Adam would be stellar, of course, but I didn’t know if any of the play’s power would be lost with it just being performed as a reading. To the contrary, the performance style may have even made it better! There’s a lot of raw, angry energy in this play, and this stripped-down reading was performed with an immediacy and visceral energy I’ve rarely ever seen on stage. The movements weren’t all blocked out and planned; There was no shuffling of people or props on or off stage; There were no protracted pauses or fancy stage effects to build an atmosphere around the actors; They created everything with just their voices, words, and bodies.

I’m so, SO immensely grateful I got to attend tonight, because this might have been even better than seeing Adam in a full play. Tonight was unfiltered and instinctive, Adam just going for it and throwing everything into the part for a solid, uninterrupted 2 hours. It was equally stunning to see him just remove himself from the whole 2-hour buildup of angry tension as he started the Q&A. (Though there was a laugh among the audience when Adam turned to Michael Shannon for the first time in the Q&A, like “sure you guys really don’t want to strangle each other?”)

Tonight was wonderful and wholesome, moving and inspiring from start to finish. From the people I shared the evening with, to the frank dialogues that occurred during the Q&A about negative stigmas sometimes attached to the arts within the military, to testimonials of how AITAF’s programming guided military families into shared engagement with the arts. It was wonderful to hear the military audience around me responding with genuine enthusiasm to Adam’s initial introduction, applauding and voicing agreement. I appreciated the chance to hear Adam speak so candidly and enthusiastically about his passion project; Just as much as I appreciated slapping @reylonly’s leg and whispering “Why are his feet so cute?” and “Look at his HAIR.” :’)

TL;DR TAKEAWAY: Adam is truly insanely talented and his selfless commitment to AITAF’s goal of bringing theater to military audiences as an enhanced outlet of self-expression is so, so admirable. This man is never in it for himself, and only puts himself in center stage when there’s a larger utility for doing so. You could see that tonight, when he’d realize he was the only one answering two or three questions in a row and would look around self-consciously to his fellow cast members and say “I feel like I’m monopolizing the conversation” or “Feel free to stop me anytime... jump in anYTIME, GUYS, ANYTIME.” (<Increasingly anxiously)

SOMEHOW, Adam succeeded in the impossible tonight: Making me love him even more. But perhaps having him gazing right at me as he spoke to me was sure to have that effect :’D

Nope, still have no fucking clue how I managed it or how I survived. :’’’)