#they’re reall fucking dumb and i love them

[ihatetheinternetandeveryoneonit]

Only One They Fear: A Skyrim/ Keeping Up Appearances Crossover fanfic

Chapter 1: A Most Distressing Holdiay

Richard Bucket was no mere mortal, his neighbors always said. His wife would be quite proud to hear that, just so long as she didn't hear the reason.

“Richaaaard!” Her vibrato rang over the Jerall peaks, echoing back to assault his ears on all sides.

“What is it now, Hyacinth?” He couldn’t bother to hide the exhaustion from his voice any longer; the journey on the overpriced cart had been far from picturesque, as Hyacinth had incessantly reminded him.

“Don’t you see that our pony is walking with his head down? It looks quite common.” She pursed her lips, clasping her handbag.

“He’s tired, dear. We all are.”

“Yes, but does he have to show it?”

“To who?? There’s not a single soul this way from here to Helgen!”

“Well, we must keep our dignity, mustn’t we?” Hyacinth said with a pat on Richard’s knee. “We cannot grow complacent, just because the countess of Bruma rejected our company to lodge at her castle.”

“We certainly cannot,” Richard grumbled, grimacing at the recollection of the scene Hyacinth had made at that revelation.

But he needn’t dwell on his mortification for long.

“You there!”

All three of their heads snapped up to a proper dignified level at the sight of two—three-four! Four quite large armored men rounded the corner ahead, sporting scaled cuirasses, blue cloaks, and a most unsightly standard of personal grooming.

“Thank Talos!” The first one cried. “Our supplies have run dry. Had to retreat in a rush, you see.”

Hyacinth was none too pleased with the way they eyed their cargo. “I will have you know, gentlemen, that I did not skimp on luggage and I refuse to let those efforts go to waste. I won’t be outdressed by the rifraff of Solitude just because I happened upon a few ruffians on the road!”

Richard buried his face in his hands.

Unsurprisingly, this small militia band was undeterred by her words. One soldier stood by the couple, hand pointedly resting on his sword, as the rest fiddled with the luggage straps.

“Mind the china!” Hyacinth squeaked. “It’s a wedding present all the way from Skingrad!”

“Hyacinth!” Richard hissed. “Shut up!”

“What Sheridan would say if he could see us now,” She tsked. “To see his Mummy mugged and relinquished of her designer luggage. And to see Daddy unarmed to defend her honor. At least we know he’s safe up in the college of the bards.”

“Perhaps Daddy would have a proper sword if Sheridan hadn’t taken 500 gold for a third set of ‘silken pyjamas…’” Richard muttered.

A snapping branch caught their attention, as well as that of the soldiers.

“An ambush!” The man beside them cried, unsheathing his sword.

But it was too late. A bolas flew his way, the cord wrapping around his arms and the weights flying tight around him and knocking the sword from his hand.

Richard and Hyacinth turned to see the rest of their captors stumble to the ground in a similar fashion and imperial legionnaires emerge from the trees.

“Ulfric Stormcloak,” an older imperial with fine armor approached one of the larger brutes, eyeing him down.

“General Tullius,” the brute replied.

“General?” Hyacinth perked up. “Finally, someone of significance. Perhaps with my guidance, he can clear up this mess.”

Richard rolled his eyes.

“Excuse me, General!” Hyacinth held on to her feathered silk hat, jumped to her feet and hopped off the cart. “Thank you ever so much for your assistance! Seeing as my husband came unprepared, perhaps you could accompany us to Solitu—?”

A sword trust in front of her face froze her to the spot.

“Check the cart,” Tulius barked.

“Stolen goods, no doubt.” A legionnaire peeked beneath the tarp at the pile of luggage.

Hyacinth scoffed. “Well, if you do mind!”

The sword pressed against her neck.

It took several minutes of rather uncouth handling of their valuables before reporting to their superior that it was, ultimately, just some mismatch of kitch.

To that, Richard shrank into a somehow more compact size than normal beneath Hyacinth’s gaze.

“Most likely a plot to smuggle these Stormcloaks into Cyrodill.” Tullius shook his head. “Arrest them too.”

Hyacinth squawked at the sudden manhandling as the soldier tied her wrists together. “This is an outrage. A couple of our social standing? Accused of smuggling? If we were associated with the criminal world, surely it would be over white-collar crimes! You really think we would let these—these flea-ridden ruffians anywhere near my fine stationary, much less my walking daytime hats?? No offense.” She glanced aside at Ulfric Stormcloack.

“Ooh, nice!” He rolled his eyes, before the legionnaires promptly gagged him.

[banana-breadses]

Feeling so fucking.

Guess I just wanted to talk so talking into the void I go this is nothing this is nothing at all. I think I just want someone to see. Don’t vote on the poll it’s dumb

OH MY GOD I CAN EDIT POLLS NOW HOW LONG HAS THIS BEEN A THING?????? I CANT ESIT THE OPTIONS BUT I CAN EDIT THE REST OF THE POST THIS IS INCREDIBLE!!!!!!

[pettyprocrastination]

for the love of god please give us some austin powers!whiskey headcanons o queen of au's 😔we're just sluts for ur content

My mf babe boo lee validating this dumb au that i love so fucking much aksksks i have like two hours before all the thanksgiving stuff happens so if anybody wants to send me whiskey shit for this au DO IT!!!

warnings: uhh talk of sex and porn, foul language. theres zero organization or skill put into these i just threw ‘em out there lmao

So the general consensus of this au for those who dont know, is an austin powers au. Yes i said that. 

Jack “whiskey” Daniels is an statesmen from the 70’s who is hailed as a legend for all the lives hes saved and ploys for global terrorism he’d stopped. In his prime, he was cryogenically frozen until the statesmen would need him at a later date (reasoning behind this is vague, even whiskey himself doesnt remember why. He get flashes of distant memories and emotions around it all, but they're gone as soon as they come.)

Cut to modern time, you’re scotch. One of the best agents who’s known for getting the job done with little to no issues, but not known to be a socializer. You are tasked as agent whiskey’s new partner as he is unfrozen and helping him adapt to the new world. 

Now lets get into the fun stuff

With adapting to the new world, you had to teach whiskey about the internet and my god was that tiring. 

He still doesn't get the point of dating apps. “I don’t need a little device to help me get laid, i do just fine with my charms and southern hospitality.” you're pretty sure he only says that because he cant figure out how the fuck to use tinder but you let it go. 

Whiskey hates porn. Like DESPISES it. This is something he decided to tell you with an “urgent” phone call at three in the fucking morning. 

“She’s faking! Thayer all faking!! What’s the point if she doesn’t enjoy it? It’s all a lie! This poor woman looks like she’s in pain!! They’ve made sex a production!! What has this world come to!?!”

You hang up and go back to sleep. 

But yeah whiskey hates it. It’s all fake and over the top and just...not what he thinks sex should be. 

To him sex isn’t a production or a race. It’s a celebration of attraction between consenting adults.  

He enjoys the ametur made stuff, where there’s legitimate attraction between those involved

This doesn't mean he’s vanilla in anyway, he just hates that porn isnt really...sex. Its not mutual pleasure, its all jarring categories, fake moaning and very sexist foundation. 

Once he finds the animal video part of the internet? Oh he’s as good as gone. He thin begins to send you links to videos' showcasing friendships between unlikely pairs, such as a sea lion and a horse, or a monkey and a ferret. You don’t tell him that you watch them all late at night when you cant sleep.

He fucking loves nature documentaries. Especially deep sea ones, focusing on fish that light up or are see-through and shit like that. 

If you watch them with him you admit its...kind of adorable. Like seeing a kid all wide-eyed at the aquarium. 

“You know what’d make this really interesting??”

“We aren’t doing lsd while watching blue planet, stop asking me that.”

He’s done drugs, like, a lot back in the day. Statesmen is stricter now, with regular mandatory drug tests so whiskey cant go out, partying like a madman and taking whatever he pleases. 

Whiskey is bisexual . As is basically everybody i write so when you tell him same sex marriage is legal in all 50 states he legit tears up. 

“Never thought I’d live to see the day.” hes so overjoyed at the news. He knows there's still a long way to go but seeing that, something he’d only dreamed and fantasize about while drawing shapes on the chest of his lover? Oh it makes his heart soar. 

Whiskey is a man with brazen sexuality but of course aware of boundaries. First day you met him you turned down his advances, he accepted this and then decided to latch on as your best friend AND wingman! :D

You cannot escape this fate you're stuck with him now. 

Anytime you go out to a bar he scouts for potential suitors. “How about the blonde at the counter, they're your style!” and before you can tell him NO he’s already swaggering over and chatting you up to them. 

Whiskey, although you hate to say it, is a charming man. Hes kind and suave and will sing the praises of somebody hed only just met and have them melting in a puddle right in front of him. It’s annoying really. You have to listen to all the women at work swoon over him and talk about how youre soooo lucky to be working with him. He must be such a dream in the field. What's it like?

You plainly tell them that the other day you saw him get stuck in a revolving door and he asked for your help.

To get out

Of a door. 

You will NEVER admit this to him but when you were a green agent?? Just starting out?? You had a major crush on the legendary agent whiskey. You’d only seen the photos and heard the stories but god you thought he was amazing. 

Then you became a skilled agent yourself (perhaps also talented with a whip and lasso) and finally met the man himself when he was unfrozen. 

Whiskey calls you “little filly” and will make jokes about how you need to respect your elders. You know since he’s technically like 89 years old lmao. 

Whiskey hates that women gotta shave, he thinks you should do it if you want but the societal pressure of it? He hates it. 

And lets be real, he’s a man of the 70’s so he fucking worships bush. (the pussy not the president) (i have a lot of thoughts on this)

He can and will go down for hours on end, almost selfish with it because he gets as much pleasure from it as you. Pressing kisses and nips on your thighs, mumbling praise against you, homeboy gets straight up pussy drunk and doesn’t know how to speak coherent sentences anymore. 

He’s a cuddler. Even before you started dating he was just very affectionate and touchy. You once had to sleep together for warmth on a mission where you were stuck in the middle of nowhere during winter and he nuzzled and cuddled you all night long with a dazed smile. (he’s also your own personal space heater so that’s nice)

You thought you were over the hype and worship of agent whiskey,and you are, but when you get to know him as a friend and not an agent. As Jack, the fool who cuddles and tries to pair you up and sings out of key while cooking? God help you, your heart starts beating when you see his dimples and big goofy smile and all you can think is. “Oh fuck.”

anyways i reall y love this au and have many thoughts please sedn requests or hcs or anything you want me to expand on <3

[lofitojii]

ONE SHOT: A Simple Crush

♡•♡•♡•♡•♡•♡•♡•♡•♡•♡•♡•♡•♡•♡•♡

Summary: You’re a costume designer for Pro Heroes, pretty well known in the industry. You take on a new Pro Hero as a client, doing your best to make sure all of your costumes are up to hero level. You start to think that you’re doing something wrong with your designs when Red Riot, the new Pro Hero, keeps coming back with a damaged costume only to find out, it was his excuse to see you. 

♡ Word Count: 2.8k

♡ Content: Fluff

♡ Kirishima x Female Reader

A/N: this was so much fun to write. It’s a little different than some of my other work, being similar to the Hawks one shot. Tbh, if I were in the MHA world, I would be best friends with Kirishima and Kaminari just based on personality. I hope you enjoy! :)

KIRISHIMA POV: The cool thing about being a Pro Hero is well, okay there’s a lot of cool things. Like the whole saving people, fighting bad guys, the media recognition thing. To be honest, I think all of it’s cool, but let me tell you how excited I am to have my hero costume designed by none other than Y/N. Ah man, she’s so badass at what she does and makes some seriously insane costumes. But that’s not the main reason why I asked for her to do it. I mean yes it’s going to be awesome to have a high tech costume, but I really did it to get to know her. 

I saw her on TV one time, she did an interview with Hawks about his costume design and I couldn’t tell you what the interview was about because I was too busy just staring at her. That sounds super creepish but I promise I’m not trying to be creepy. You get it, right? Like you see someone on TV or something and you fall in love like, almost immediately? Yeah, that’s how I would explain what happened. I have a crush and thank god I’m a Pro Hero now so I have a reason to talk to her. 

I stood outside the office building that was towering over the city. It was huge, her floor being on the 18th. I was fidgety in the elevator, trying to think of what I was going to say to her. God, I’m so nervous. Watch, knowing me, I’m going to say something stupid and she’s gonna think I’m an idiot. 

“Hi, how can I help you?” I walked up to the front desk, letting the clerk know I was here for Y/N who was running behind due to a meeting. That’s fine, I’ve got all the time in the word to wait for her. This just gives me time to think of what I want to say. 

“Hey there beautiful!” No. Too forward. 

“Why hello there. Come here often?” What the fuck? She works here. 

“Hi.” Oh my god, I’m going to make a complete fool of myself!! 

While I waited, I decided to flip through the meaningless magazines that were placed on a side table. I’m too nervous to focus on anything but if I just sit here, people are going to think I’m a weirdo for fidgeting so much.

The elevator made its dinging noise, signaling that someone was about to walk out. My heart is pacing so fast, it feels like it’s going to burst through my chest. When you walked out, it felt as if time froze, my vision blurring out the surrounding area, leaving you clear as day in my eyes. “God, you’re so beautiful.” 

“Haha, thank you sir,” you giggled. GIGGLED! My heart is literally about to jump out of my throat. “You must be Kirishima, it’s nice to meet you! I’m Y/N. If you would follow me this way, we can talk in my office.” I was actually speechless, at a loss for words as I stood there in front of you. I feel so dumb, say something you idiot!!!

“I’m sorry, about that out there,” I nervously scratched the back of my head. My cheeks felt so warm, not to mention I can feel myself sweating. Holy shit, this is weird, I’ve never felt like this before. “I’m just a big fan of yours.” 

“Don’t think too much about it,” you waved your hand, a smile still spread across your face. “You’re too kind, really. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t blush a little bit.” I made YOU blush? This day just keeps getting better. “Now, Kirishima, you didn’t fill out our form and the one from UA is rather old. What were you thinking, design wise?” 

“To be honest, I chose you because I feel like you’d know better than I would. I really liked the one I got from UA, that’s why I just attached it to your form.” I am so nervous, my hands are so clammy and I feel rather embarrassed I didn’t fill out your form, but honestly I’m just trying to draw out the time I spend here. 

“Not a problem. I already have your measurements,” you said, tapping your temple, referring to your eyes, I’m assuming. “My quirk let’s me take measurements of every body part. I see the numbers as soon as I make eye contact with you.” Wait, did you just say EVERY body part? You began to laugh, noticing my change in mood after you explained your quirk to me. “Don’t worry. I don’t measure down there.” 

“What? I mean, no! That’s not- You can if you- I mean-” Oh my god, I sound like a babbling idiot. I’m doing a really good job at keeping my crush a secret, aren’t I? You were still laughing, your laugh so infectious. You really have such a beautiful laugh, I want to hear it all the time. 

“Oh Kirishima, I’m excited to work with you. I’ll give you a call once it’s ready for you.” And like that, our meeting was done. I made a complete fool of myself but you said you were excited to work with me, and that was enough for me to leave feeling confident. 

You called me a couple days later, giving me the OK to come back in to try on the new costume you had designed for me. I showed up more excited about the fact I get to see you, and yeah, the costume is cool too, I guess.

You came up with such an awesome idea, the material being durable, room for the growth of my quirk. It was everything I expected and more, but honestly that doesn’t really surprise me. You’re quite amazing at your job. With this being said, with my costume being done, times I get to see you are very limited, so I have to take matters into my own hands on this one. 

“Hey Y/n,” I said, walking into your office. You look so cute today with your black business suit and that slicked back pony. You look so professional and business like. I wonder what a normal day is for you. I bet everyone thinks highly of you, I mean how could they not?

“Hey Kirishima! How can I help you?” You looked up at me with those beautiful, glossy eyes of yours. I could barely make out the crosshairs in your left eye but the slight discoloration made it a little easier. 

“Bad news,” I scratched the back of my head, placing the ripped costume on your desk. You jumped up, holding the torn fabric in between your fingers. You furrowed your eyebrows together, giving me a small glare that both excited and scared me. 

“What did you do?” 

“Ripped it?” 

“Kirishima…” 

“What!? You’re literally holding it in your hands. I don’t know how else to put it when the evidence is right there.” You let out a deep sigh, shaking your head. 

“Alright well I guess we’ll give you the second design. This one was so good though, how did it rip?” ‘Cause I ripped it in battle on purpose so I had a reason to come and see you. Wasn’t about to say that out loud, but that’s my truth, Y/n. 

You handed me the second design, warning me to be careful with this one but to be honest, I don’t care how much money I spend on these damn things. This time, I’ll wait a little longer to come back. I waited a whole two weeks instead of one so you wouldn’t pick up on my little plan here. 

“Don’t tell me…” You crossed your arms, this time you were in more of a laid back outfit. Leggings and a hoodie and holy shit, do you look incredible. Not to mention your ass- “Kirishima, what on earth do you keep doing that you keep ripping your outfits?” 

“The guys I’ve been going up against have all happened to have sharp like quirks?” 

“Even so, I designed it so it was a lot harder to rip. I specifically designed this one so it would withstand your ultimate move so it doesn’t make sense…” 

“I don’t know, I just fight ya know?” You were closer today, but you still couldn’t figure it out, even though you looked like you were deep in thought for most of our meeting. I promise you Y/N, I’ll tell you when the time is right. I just need excuses to come and see you until I have enough courage to ask you out. 

“Okay well are you able to stay a little longer today? Maybe do a few test runs of these other designs?” I nodded in agreement, following you to the testing center. I would’ve stayed longer to help you with anything, even taking the garbage out. You seemed frustrated but in the grand scheme of things, I’m doing all of this until I feel like I’m ready to ask you out. I’m not really good with talking to girls, let alone asking them out. I’m just nervous, I really don’t want to screw this up with you because I’ve truly never felt like this before. You make me feel different, every time I’m around you, I get mad butterflies. That’s not normal for me. 

“Alright Kirishima, go ahead and use your quirk as much as you can. I don’t want you to exhaust yourself.” I did what you said, the costume holding up to my power. I even pulled out my ultimate, the costume returning to my size when time ran out. You are truly incredible at what you do. “Good, now we’re gonna send out some testing bots. Don’t worry about breaking them, that’s what they’re for. The lasers do hurt though, so please be careful.” 

“No need to worry about me,” I said, crashing my fists together. You let the robots out, immediately shooting out lasers as they had me in their vision. You were right, the lasers do hurt, but they barely made a mark on the new costume. Damn it Y/N, you’re just too good aren’t you. 

The tests ran for a couple hours, and during that time I tried my best to warm up to you, or I guess have you warm up to me. I did everything I could to make you laugh, to really make you notice me other than just another hero here to get their costume made. I love your laugh, Y/N. I want to hear it all the time. Today was so special in my eyes, I think we made really good progress, but next time I don’t think I can come back due to a ripped costume. This one was perfect, you really went all out. It had to be more of a pride thing, but then again I’m just assuming. 

The next time I went back, I asked for you to add a belt for small weapons like a net or something to help restrain villains. I didn’t want to upset you by damaging my costume again, I think it was actually hurting you inside to see the costume destroyed like that. I get it Y/N, you take a lot of pride in your work. The time is coming close though, I really think we’re getting to a point where it won’t be awkward if I asked you out. 

“I didn’t mean for this to take this long,” you apologized as we waited for the belt to be made. I didn’t do anything this time, it was the machine’s own issues that prolonged my visit, which I’m not complaining about. “If you wanted, you can leave and come back tomorrow to get it.” 

“No it’s okay,” I assured you. “I don’t mind waiting. Plus it’s getting late, I don’t want you walking out there by yourself.” You were shocked by my offer, my comment making you… Blush? No way, did I just make you blush? Without having to call you pretty? Oh my god. 

“Thank you.” You were shy. I caused you to get all shy! I know this sounds so lame but this means that I’m on the right track! Or at least, that’s what the internet told me. 

It took about an hour for the belt to be completed, but within that time, we talked. We actually had a conversation. I told you about my UA days, talked about my family and my friends. The whole time, you seemed so invested, asking questions, referring to earlier topics letting me know you were actually listening. And when you told me about your life, I was in awe. You were incredible, every memory you mentioned being more exciting and interesting than the last. You told me about how you haven’t dated anyone in years because you were so focused on your career. You had made it though and I knew you were upset about not having someone to love. The way you spoke, so poetic and honest. You didn’t have to tell me you were upset, it lingered in your emotion, even though you ended your statement with a smile. 

“I haven’t dated anyone either,” I admitted, adding on to your subject. “To be honest, I’m not very good with talking to girls.” 

“That’s not true. I mean I’ve had a wonderful time talking to you.” 

“Me too, actually.” My palms were sweaty, clammy to the touch. My face was heating up, I could tell you noticed, your own cheeks becoming rosey. This was it, this was my chance. “Hey Y/N, can I tell you something?” 

“Of- Of course,” you stuttered. I let out a deep exhale, squeezing my thighs as I tried to form what I wanted to say. I could tell you were just as nervous. Stop that, I’m going to choke on my own spit if you keep staring at me with those big doe eyes of yours. 

“The last two time I ripped my costume? Yeah that was on purpose.” You just laughed, shaking your head in response. 

“I kinda figured,” you replied. “I didn’t want to assume anything so I just didn’t bother questioning it.” 

“Yeah well, I did it cause I needed some kind of excuse to come and see you.” I couldn’t make eye contact. I was both nervous and embarrassed and I really didn’t want to upset you, please understand.

“Kirishima,” you took my hand in yours, rubbing your dainty fingers across my bruised knuckles. “You could’ve just asked me out. I was excited every time you came back and not to mention our first interaction was you calling me beautiful.” 

“You remember that?” 

“And why wouldn’t I?” It went silent, I couldn’t pull my hand away. You were so shy, and to be honest I was nervous as hell. But I did what any courageous hero would, I leaned over and kissed you. In that moment, I kind of blacked out, nerves really taking over my entire body. I was surprised by your actions though as you leaned back into the kiss, your hand that was once holding mine found its way up to my cheek. You were so gentle, your hand and lips so soft. I couldn’t believe what was happening, it all felt so surreal. But here you were, here I was, kissing you, you kissing me back. 

You pulled away, your cheeks completely flushed. “I’m sorry,” you apologized, turning away from me. 

“Hey,” I whispered, turning your head back so I could reassure you. “I kissed you first because I wanted to.” You didn’t answer, you were too flustered, holding back whatever it is you wanted to say to me. So I took a shot in the dark, if you could even say it was in the dark with how you reacted to my kiss. “Y/N, can I take you out?” 

“Rip another one of my costumes and I’ll beat your ass,” you joked, pointing your finger in my face. “But yes, I will.” 

God, you’re so beautiful.

[itsybitsylemonsqueezy]

So I finished watching Yakuza 7: Like A Dragon. Spoilers under the cut. 

(Mainly positive take, some criticisms. C+/B I’d give it.)

So, first of all, I didn’t play it, I just watched people on youtube so my perspective of gameplay should be taken with a grain of salt. But I really liked the turn taking fighting style! Like a real JRPG, I thought it was fun, it seemed fun anyway, and the strategies to JRPG make more intuitive sense to me than fighting games, which I don’t know at all. I did end up missing the hand-to-hand combat like... aesthetically and it kinda breaks universe rules a little. But, like, Ichiban seeing combat as a sort of heightened fantasy reality actually helps with that and the plot still treats us like average combatants. Like, there’s still no murder, despite a lot more weapon use, including guns. So... it’s a little sad and weird universe-wise, but seems fun to play. 

Ichiban is a great protag! Definitely not Kiryu! He has two dads, like 8 spouses, a lot of hair... He’s only 7 years younger than Kiryu and that’s... that’s a choice ^^; But he’s got a lot of good things going for him and I like his build. Interesting rage-grief he has going and a thing about revenge that Kiryu never had. And I like that actually, I like that Ichiban gets hit with different things than Kiryu did, but he still has flaws. Kiryu was never blind with rage the way Ichi got, but then, Kiryu also didn’t save his brother. Like, they have VERY different shit going on, which is GOOD. So I’m kinda annoyed that in the end we took Ichi’s dad and brother, just like Kiryu’s? Like... damn :/ Lame. Lazy. 

I love Ichi’s team! I love Adachi, Nanba, Saeko, Joon-gi, Zhao. Top notch peeps! I like that they all just like him and are here for a fun adventure with him. They’re all here for something different, which is also really cool. Zhao is sort of redefining who he is in... retirement I guess? Trying out being a companion rather than a leader. Saeko is longing for family, connection, a place to belong. Adachi was here to accomplish a goal, to restore his honor and provide justice. And Ichi’s been a big help to that. Joon-gi is... a whore. I’m sorry! He’s just this beautiful, obedient man who’s just here on lend and he does whatever the fuck you say. Do not put him in charge of decisions, he’s terrible at them, but he knows a lot and has a vast network. But he appears just to be here to serve everyone’s needs, so to speak, and to moon after Ichiban like everyone else. And Nanba. Nanba hates adventures. He hates germs. He hates people and friends and danger and doing things. But he’s here. Because Ichi makes him hate things a little less. Nanba is a cynical, cowardly bastard, and Ichi’s a fucking sunshiney idiot always trying to fix shit that isn’t his problem. And he makes Nanba get up and fight. He makes Nanba believe in tomorrow. Nanba doesn’t trust people, Nanba doesn’t hope. He’s a pessimist and lives only to complain. But he is first in line to get shot for Ichiban every fucking time. He’s always the first to Ichiban’s side when he’s in trouble. Leaving and betraying Ichiban broke his fucking heart and my ship is probably showing A LOT here but I don’t care. I fucking love Nanba, I love his arc, I did NOT see it coming. And they are definitely my ship out of this. The fact that Nanba without fail is always the first to put himself in danger for Ichiban guts me. With how much he doesn’t believe in good things ever happening, it destroys me that he’ll dare it all for Ichiban. Fucking wild. 

I thought it was cool to bring up a political villain, but... we didn’t really carry through on Bleach Japan’s thematic importance. We revealed them to be cruel and hypocritical, but we didn’t end up actually saving the slums or proving why the slums needed to be saved and that’s... kinda lame :/ 

I was really hoping that we might make a stand on why grey spaces were needed, on why organizations like the yakuza are needed but instead we... disbanded? And I don’t even know why? 

Like, it was to fuck over Ryo Aoki. But... he was a TEMPORARY problem. All you had to do was move the organizations underground until he was unseated, which the Tojo already was??? 

But instead... we brought down Tojo and Omi and... WHY?! Like, SERIOUSLY, can ANYONE tell me WHY! Because I have a LOT OF FEELINGS about why that’s a BAD CALL.

What are all those guys going to do now? “Oh, we’ll just make a security company” YOU’LL WHAT?! THOUSANDS of guys used to shake downs will now be hired to patrol rich estates and cover banks and business buildings?! Fighting WHO, themselves?! A LOT of that job is just watching some fucking cameras, what... what the fuck are you talking about Watase?! 

But I guess that’s still better than Daigo’s “I have no fucking idea” plan

NO WONDER Majima’s depressed at that funeral you JUST TOLD HIM his new job is BABYSITTING SOME RICH FUCK’S BUILDING. Fuck you guys! 

And HAVE WE LEARNED NOTHING ABOUT POWER VACUUMS?! CRIME doesn’t disappear just because there’s no one there to manage it! That just means it gets worse! And rasher, crueler people grab power in the interim. Smaller but rougher groups will appear. More and worse crimes will happen now. You just disenfranchised thousands, not all of them are going to come with you to play security detail and not all of them WANT to. So why EXACTLY did we disband the yakuza? What problems did that solve??? 

What about all that shit about the yakuza being a home for people who didn’t fit in? What about people who fell through the cracks in the system, who don’t have anywhere else to go? 

If the yakuza, as an idea, was so fucking bad, WHAT WERE THE LAST SIX GAMES ABOUT?!

You can’t have an established series that accepts the idea that crime and violence are sometimes necessary or are even good things and have a compelling protag who does that, ONLY to turn around at the last second and pretend like it was always wrong!

If you were gonna act like the idea of organized crime is a Bad Thing, THEN THAT NEEDED TO BE A CONFLICT FROM THE BEGINNING

But you didn’t even do that!

We DIDN’T disband the yakuza because organized crime is inherently morally corrupt, no we disbanded because some prick thought he could use us! A PRICK WHO IS NOW DEAD! THE FUCK?! 

And DON’T GET ME STARTED on how this reframes Kiryu’s narrative. KIRYU WASN’T RIGHT FOR LEAVING YOU FUCKING BASTARDS. 

THE WHOLE POINT OF KIRYU’S ARC WAS THAT HE WAS FUCKING WRONG TO ABANDON HIS RELATIONSHIPS I- *screams into pillow*

AND why does Kiryu need to be dead now?! There is no more yakuza! Who does he need to hide from?! 

OH no wait, my mistake! We didn’t disband ALL the yakuza, just Omi and Tojo! You know, the two biggest cities in Japan. I’m sure THAT won’t have Fucking Consequences. But Kiryu still has to be dead for uh... Reasons.

This was just such a fucking dumb universe-building move. It’s not been thought through, it betrays the whole point of the franchise up until now, and I’m honestly just mad that they didn’t even feel the need to address it? Like, the yakuza’s just gone now, but it’s whatever. Who would even care about that. Like, that’s not going to be a plot point next game. It won’t matter, at all, I promise you. All of the in-universe implications this has, none of it matters. And I’m not even mad I’m just... tired. And annoyed a little. that you can’t be bothered to tie up your own rules. You won’t give your own writing decisions weight and that’s just... kinda sad. It’s just lazy and sad that they don’t care enough to connect the pieces. But I’ve had my heart broken enough by yakuza writing decisions. Of course they would do this, of course they haven’t thought enough about their own series to really consider what ending the yakuza would mean. Why would they? 

I’ll still watch the next game. Like, Ichiban is likeable enough and I’m interested in his arc enough that I’d play or watch next time. But... *sigh* We’re the Yakuza series with no yakuza. And y’all gonna act like that’s a good thing or pretend it doesn’t even matter. And I really don’t know what to do with that since you haven’t bothered to examine it either. 

On a nice Kiryu note, I did like that he was scaled appropriately, I like that Ichiban is Wiped Out after almost every fight. He’s a good fighter, but he has human endurance. Kiryu’s still god. He hits the hardest out of anyone you fight and you Don’t win and that’s As It Should Be. I’m REALLY glad they at least let me have that. I’m glad they let us fight Kiryu and we passed and it was a cool passing of the torch. I was so worried they were going to destroy Kiryu’s legacy and at least they didn’t do that. 

The coin locker baby thing... it was cliche and convenient, but in the way that Yakuza is cliche and convenient and melodramatic and over the top. It was sort of fitting and familiar that way. Shame we ended Swashiro like that, I think we could have done more and cooler shit with him but, eh. 

SPEAKING OF MORE AND COOLER SHIT

...all that effort, just to kill him? Alllllll that long time, that hard conversation, that break down with Ichiban... just to kill him. Just to make him Nishiki, all over again. 

I... fuck you. 

Why do you refuse to write a goddamn redemption arc

Fuck, you don’t even have to write it, have it happen off-screen if you’re so fucking afraid of it. Just have him recuperate in a goddamn hospital and, I don’t know, by next game just show that he’s doing better and is getting therapy and whatever.

Jesus fucking christ, he doesn’t have to MATTER in the next game just... don’t kill him. Jesus. Please.

All that fucking work and you’re STILL going to give Ichiban the trauma of losing someone he was trying to save. 

I just... it’s really gutting how much you don’t like your characters and you don’t like to write and you’re cowards. You won’t take risks. You’re too afraid of fucking up so you won’t do what the narrative calls for. 

Killing Masato was lazy-ass, punk-ass, coward shit and I wont’ stand for it. I did not expect to care about his ass by the end but you guys REALLY made an effort in making him a three dimensional character there at the end and explaining why Ichi would care about him and I was willing to come with you! I was willing for us to invest in this dumbass. We walk him all the way up to the edge and step him back. We let him let go. And then you just. fucking. gave up. You goddamn cowards.

I’m so tired of this shit

For all that, it was genuinely a really fun game and a really fun story with a lot of likeable characters. I think a solid C+, even a B. I really did enjoy most of it. It’s just... in usual Yakuza style, they only fucked up 2 things but they were a REALLY IMPORTANT 2 things. 

Oh and I did like the fact that Ichiban Still Doesn’t Know. No one tell him.

[aniaintok]

elysethrillems replied to your post “elysethrillems replied to your post “elysethrillems replied to your...”

the rest of the crew: [John Mulaney voice] you know those days where you're like "well, this might as well happen?" that's them about Obikin handling their hurt feelings about each other. I love supportive friends through endearing annoyance tbh. Like I bought the dlc for da2 and I've never had that before so there's! a dog! who I panicked when a name prompt came up and "Korkie" was the first-- --name I thought of lmao. but still the thought of that big ol Mabari dog squeezing themself in Obi's bunk in Lowtown when Quinlan has left for the night. Obi convinced him he'd be okay, but dogs /know/ their stuff and so his doggo comes in for the comfort part 2.                   I LOVe the idea of Ashoka leaving Ani with the food and just looking everywhere except him/the food. like. the mental imagine of it made me laugh. she's like "I hear the ocean calling me away, I must listen" or something witty coz isabela's dialogue really is top notch tbh. she probably loops back around the place and peaks through a window to make sure Ani is actually eating the food tho.                    I reall wonder how Obi and Ani will get back on good terms?? Like Quin and Ashoka get them back on their feet separately but I wonder who is the first one to go over to the others' place and apologize. Or. omg. better. Quin and Ashoka almost like "parent trap" them in the same location at the same time just so they can see each other and interact. Once Ani and Obi are together Quin and Soka--                    --suddenly have elsewhere to be so it's just the two of them left there. At that point neither of them want to be rude and walk away from the other because they know things needs to be repaired between them but just that /first/ step to it is difficult and theyre tripping over small talk and awkward silences at first.                    and yeah with dao I kinda thought it was like skyrim-ish where whatver you had equipped you'd level up that skill. I was wrong lol. but it did make for a fun oc at the time where I was just like "well. she's a jack of all trades now." coz I really enjoy making game bugs/mechanics into traits for my ocs.      oh! but after obi and ani come to terms with things together I can see obi still using that basic staff and lowkey on the magic because, well, kirkwall and people generally are quite shitty to mages still and Obi's got to hide from the templars still. he just might be a little more liberal with using magic in battles after that point especially if they're away from the city/watchful eyes.                    OH BUt also I honestly was a little torn between Obi using a staff or a sword just so he could hold the sword in his signature pose with his lightsaber. bonus points. someone breaks the staff or disarms Obi, and they think he can't do magic, but Obi actually ALSO learned how to use a sword.  maybe not that big ol great swords but like the ones with the dual wield sword&shield. jst food fr thought                    

FIRST OF ALL i’m sorry my reply is late!! and also in p i e c e s oh lord, pls bare with me, in light of not having a full WALL of text bombard you i’m gonna split up my replies a bit, or at least i’m gonna try LMAO

both the da2 group and pretty much, all of star wars, is just “found family begrudgingly puts up with all the bullshit that comes along with life, but they do it TOGETHER” and honestly, i live for it. it really it just that john mulaney, resigned sigh, “this might as well happen” lmaooo it fits too well!! like, they’re all a god damn mess, but fuck it it’s alright, they’ve got each other. and YEA quin and ahsoka and the rest delight in making fun of obikin for being uhhh, giant idiots, but they’re also endearingly protective of the two and are just happy that they’re happy tbh (which makes them even more frustrated when the two of them are being dumb and fighting)

but omg, yes, i forgot about the dog too!!! and im cackling at the fact that you panicked and named the mabari Korkie is sending me into orbit. but yes, deadass, korkie kenobi has the protectiveness thing on LOCK, he can and will hold obi-wan hostage inside until he eats something and takes care of himself, don’t test him. (that big ol’ mabari is also definitely the best cuddle buddy, 100%)

yess i love isabela’s witty dialogue!! ahsoka just dropping the food, refusing to acknowledge it, and then just fucking dipping is absolutely my favorite thing. Ani doesn’t even know how to react to, any of that, he just sits there looking at the pile of food like “???” and god, yes, ahsoka and quin are TIRED after weeks of taking care of these two idiots separately. they’ve tried to wait and get them to patch things up on their own, have encouraged them to go see each other, talk things through, but they’re both stubborn, so eventually ahsoka and quin just makes plans to lug the two of them out somewhere -- probably the wounded coast?? -- and leave them alone to force them to talk. conversation starts with the two of them complaining about it, obi-wan cursing about how quin is worse than qui-gon when it comes to acting like an overbearing parent, and then anakin is shaking his head like “oh you think thats bad?? ahsoka won’t stop feeding me, i have more food than i could eat by myself and she just won’t stop, i don’t even know how she gets in, i keep boarding up the windows!!” and the two of them are just, laughing together for a moment, lost in that old banter, but then it hits them both that it’s the first time they’ve talked since everything happened.

dude, i love that tho!! a jack of all trades OC sounds super fun, you get to explore a little bit of everything! and yess all the content of obi-wan wielding a sword is good fuckin food. i didn’t even think about his classic pose!! but yes, i could totally see him going for smaller, one handed blades so he can wield it like he does a lightsaber, fighting with a form fit for a sword and shield. maybe he does train with a shield too?? but i think it could be cool too if he keeps that hand open for magic, or defensive spells -- still takes the role of a shield without physically having own. but yea, i think he’d probably be able to fight both ways, depending on how much he wants to or thinks he should be hiding his magic!

i think it’s interesting too, thinking about their dynamic in canon between obi-wan and qui-gon, i feel like qui-gon would be mindful of hiding his magic but he’d take that as just learning to be less obvious when casting versus where obi-wan makes it a point to learn non-magic combat tactics, trains with a sword and learns how to use all sorts of different weapons, where qui-gon I feel would rely more on a staff. knows how to use a broadsword, and when they’re traveling through kirkwall proper he carries one instead, but i feel like he’d be a lot less cautious than obi-wan

[the-one-blog-to-rule-them-all]

KRISTIAN LIVEBLOGS THE ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW: LET’S DO THE TIME WARP AGAIN 2016 MOVIE

don’t go in here if you stan for the actors bc i shit on them except for like two of them LMAO but not a bad experience all around

i'm gonna try hard not to be a bitch this whole time but my first thought on this is that it's too clean cut LMAO this bitch is talented at singing but i'm not interested in her perfection also i think it's cute intro bc of the posters of the movies also the aesthetic of the movie goers is good girl in the background looked like the ugly chick from crybaby..... hatchet face?? there's like SIX PEOPLE IN THIS THEATER but it's a nice theater she didn't turn her flashlight off lmfao @ them for thinking people would rly be that excited about this movie coming on SORRY I'M NOT BITCHING yo brad is mcFucking cute as hell "she said i do, now i'm doing" put that on my car if y'all don't run after my car like that .... smh yo brad is MCFUCKING CUTE it's those brown eyes i swear lol her struggling to get the glove off, that was cute once again the music is waaaay too polished that's gotta be frank under that cloak GRAVE IN THE BACK SAYS COTTON CAHTUN... THICK CLOUDS OF CAHTUN this funeral procession is following their ass everywhere wth THAS MY BOY!!! THAS TIM RIGHT THERE!!! the audience going wild for this part actually makes sense "life is pretty cheap to that type" good work on the line bitch.. u had a blowout?? i know that feel binch!!! i like their delivery in this scene it's so on the nose LMAO mood they're BOOKIN it to this house LMAO WASTE NO TIME WE GOTTA GO!!! EMO RIFF RAFF LARKGJLARJGKLAJER DOES HE HAVE STREAKS IN HIS HAIR wow his voice is killer tho he's putting his heart into that scene LMAO yo i'll say it again brad is way too cute holy fuck oh shit !! is the castle an old theater or something?? that's interesting okay lady in the bg who is that behind tim i'm not super into her presence and that scream LMAO Riff raff is me "yesh" riff raff is reall doing his best WOW BRAD IS CUTE that riff raff hair is killing me inside BLUE MOHAWK IS DOPE I LIKE HIM this is the most lifeless version of time warp i ever heard in my life this is a really diverse crowd tho which is neet columbias delivery on her part was really good tbh riff raff shredding on a guitar lmfao god brad is mcfucking cute "until IIII GET TO..... a phone" cute HERE COMES FRANK BOYS! laverne bitch you know i love you but this singing is so lifeless wtf is with everyones singing in this movie her dancing is great and facial expressions are great like she's putting life into the movements but the singing ain't shit "could we use ur phone?? :^))))" "antici................................................................................................................pation" i do like columbia she's got this really bored personality but she does it so well victoria justice was so cute right there LMFAO brad trying to GET INTO HIS SHOES i barked LMAO this scene is fun as hell laverne is enjoying the fuck out of it the snapping tho i don't get FROSTED TIP HAIR he looks like the guy from american horror story boxers..... ? i'm disappointed smh WOAH good jump rocky once again like the singing is lifeless LOL BRAD GONNA KARATE CHOP HIS ASS i'm thoroughly enjoying the comedy brad brings to this role "heh heh yes..." LMAO i loved the delivery laverne really is doing a good job except the singing part her delivery is enjoyable charles ATLAS SONG!!! DO ME GOOD PLS I BEG OF U that low laugh LMAO EDDDIIIIIEEEE aslright adam lambert is killing it as eddie he's putting a lot into the performance the weird sideburns are doing a lot for me on his face one thing i don't like about columbia is that she's lost the fun spirit she has in the original but i don't hate the big character change so i'll live LMAO GET HIM FRANK!!! BITCH !11 bye eddie the guy playing rocky is doing great playing stupid YESS SHE CHOKED THE "HOT" PART i appreciate it LMAO janet looking at rocky "going down" nice i like how much brad and janet ham up their lines LOL this scene is so cheesy they're having so much fun WHY DO THEY HAVE ROCKY IN THE SHITTY BASEMENT GOOD GOD rocky runs like me when i have to shit magenta is super cute god I wish that were Me.jpg because brad is so mfUCKING CUTE HES SO EXTRA I LOVE THE HAMMINESS aww poor rocky i always feel so bad for him rocky looking for camera lmao rocky is so lovably dumb WHAT WHY IS THIS A POP SONG LMFAO but i don't mind this song as much as i do the others bc i'm a pop bitch "congratulations janet" laverne this is a look GOD BRAD IS SO MCFUCKING CUTE "bread" is how she pronounces his name and it's amazing dr scott looks like a muppet with that hair the audience participation parts are taking me out of the movie so much magenta is MAD CUTE jesus christ it's the last supper MEAT LOAF AGAIN LMAO I LOVED THAT SCENE listen the awkward tone of dinner and the stopping of singing the song in the middle fucking gets my goat every time LOL BRAD LOOKING AT THE CAMERA rocky is me at dinner chowing down dr scott dancing in his chair to the song i always thought they said "when eddie said he didn't like his DADDY" whoops that's my bad i love dr scott in this omg BEST SONG BETTER DO IT RIGHT LAVERNE I SWEAR the little snap with "bell ring" was cute once again like she's killing it with character in the moves and face but i'm getting nothing from the singing ://// "MENTAL MIND GAME" WEAK WEAK WEAK WEAK WEAK LET FRANK N FURTER SAY FUCK YOU COWARDS that's the best part of the sONG even smiling makes my face ache ahhh the floor show omg best scene i've already seen this scene LOL but i'll express my disappointment with columbias outfit rn becasue it's sOOOOOO BORING LET COLUMBIA WEAR LINGERIE COWARDS but the singing in this whole scene is amazing rocky dances like me in my head BRADDDD INNNNN THE SEXY LOOK OMG THIS IS MY FAVE PART I SWEEEAR WE'VE GOT THE LEGGINGS AND THE TOP AND THE HEELS AND THE GLITTER AND THE GOLD AND SPARKLES WOAH I'M GOOD WITH IT AND THE DANCING AND SINGING KILLS IT BRAD FUCK IT UP JUST rewound it because i love it so much god damn so good even janet is great yo i swear this is the exact same fanfare from the og movie i'm not kidding i don't think they remade it i think it's the same one IT TOTALLY IS OMG that's cool awww man this is bummin me out bc tim curry makes me mad emotional in this scene with the song but her voice hasn't got the life in it actually... we're pickign up now and she's getting better but still hit the notes do it do it GET THE POWER aw FUCK YOU WEAK WHAT A LET DOWN LOL dr scott is a really great actor he's got such personality god i wish that were me.jpg my eyes are literally GLUED to brad who was that SNAZZY MAN the guy playing riff raff is really giving it all he's got and he's super killing it magenta is really me during this scene that columbia death was mad extra LMAO brad like bitch we gotta get the fuck out of here THEY DIDN'T LIKE ME, THEY NEVER LIKED ME yo dr scott is literally the best character omg oh brad you look so pretty they're wrecking this song whcih blows because it's like the PERFECT ending song and always gets me like "damn... what a tragic and wild story..... emotions now" ALRIGHT SO FINAL SYNOPSIS not horrible honestly like they had a lot of fun and it shows and they put a LOT into their acting and everything but the music is just boring as hell aside from a couple songs but not a regrettable hour and a half