#they’re def the type of couple that barely changes AT ALL once they get together

[cass-iopia]

i’m having thoughts about lance and his big family and how they probably weren’t very good at throwing things away, especially things that can be handed down to the younger kids and so they definitely still have gameboys and ds’s and whatnot. imagine lance bringing keith over all the time to play on these old, outdated devices to the point where they have their favorite games, controller, etc all figured out. when they start dating they still play on them just like normal but one of lances siblings makes a comment of how they aren’t any different now that they’re together than when they were just friends so their solution is for one of them to sit in the others lap but still playing their respective games behind the others back. like one would just straddle the other, hook their chin over their shoulder, and start up their game again. anyways if anyone wants to draw that i can’t get the image out of my head

[shinjaeha]

itsay ep 4 (thoughts + spoilers)

idk even know how to even start this bc i feel like i’m just a big ball of emotions, and this ep was wild. so much happened. last ep was so wonderful and almost languid with how everything played out (esp since it focussed much more specifically on the shift in teh/oh-aew’s relationship). this ep had a bit more of everything, not just the two of them in their bubble anymore. societal forces at play, and hence much more angst. again, this isn’t a  proper analysis, it’s just me ranting and raving as usual as i semi-rewatch this again. this is very long, and there are a lot more things i want to think about in more detail at some point bc i’m mostly just skating over a lot of what happened but i gotta get these thoughts in my head out of me somehow. and i’m not sure if what i’m typing will even make sense bc i MYSELF can barely make sense of what i’m feeling but here i go anyway.

so we start off with the both of them kind of awkward after the night before which is fair enough considering what happened. actually when oh-aew’s habit started playing up again, i thought teh wasn’t going to scratch his back bc he was trying not to ~go there again after the night before, but he did and i was pleasantly surprised like oh...maybe things aren’t that bad?? (YET). also, i can imagine that it would have been reassuring for oh-aew too. like things have changed, but it’s not like teh has completely abandoned him. the touch itself is comforting, like when they were kids.

teh’s mum talking about how she wants both of her sons to bring their girlfriends around (and hounding him about bringing tarn around again) is giving me war flashbacks to my own asian relatives and i can feel the way that must crawl under his skin. I HATE when family members do that (and they always do). but for teh it must be esp hard bc he’s already constantly feeling like he’s vying for his mum’s attention over his brother, and now hoon’s bought back a girlfriend so it’s yet ANOTHER thing he feels like he has to compete with his brother over. in the back of his mind, he knows that he can’t give his mum what she wants if he’s with oh-aew (he can’t ‘win’ over hoon bc heteronormativity). teh is def prone to jealousy fairly easily, but i always feel like his emotions on that base level are also very easy to understand. i’ve been in positions like that before where i’ve felt like i’ve constantly been compared to someone else, and it makes you feel like shit. but also oh-aew having to sit through teh’s mum telling him to let her know if teh and tarn are dating?? ouch.

cue teh trying to avoid what’s going on with them and oh-aew being sad :((( they’re both in so much pain and i feel it and thank god i am no longer a teenager that’s all i can say about this.

the guitar in skyline instrumental is just...making me feel some kind of way. they have so many versions of this song and they always use the right version at the right time how is that.

so the tarn scene!!!!!!!!!!!!!! first thought: holy shit she looks so cute i love her crop top where did she get it i want one. second thought: but why did they make her wear a dark bra under such a light top?? i love that i was thinking this and then it all unravelled in front of me and like...the brilliance. the contrast between the scene in ep 2 (i think?) where teh accidentally peeks at her bra through the buttons of her shirt and gets noticeably flustered, and then this one where she literally wears the same bra under a light shirt ON PURPOSE to get his attention, but he doesn’t even notice?? the way she expects him to colour the hibiscus purple, but he colours it red for oh-aew instead?? it’s so incredibly telling of where his heart is at, and how his feelings have changed. anyway, it doesn’t take a genius to figure out that he’s just not all there with her anymore, and tarn isn’t stupid...she’s been picking up on the signals since the beginning (why was he so weirdly obsessed with beating oh-aew at the start? why was he willing to wake up at 4am for oh-aew but not for her? willing to tutor the rest of his friends but not spend time with her?). the way she sees him colouring the hibiscus red and it’s her wake up call, like wtf am i DOING bc of this guy????? i love how she acknowledges that her feelings for teh have made it so she’s solely focussed on him and that she hates the things it makes her do (like wearing the bra to gain his attention). ngl i was slightly worried with how they were going to use her character during these later eps with teh being so conflicted (since girlfriends in BLs are usually handled pretty poorly), but i appreciate that she’s still as fleshed out and full of feeling as she ever was. she’s so sweet, and i just wish she had better than this, but i’m glad she called teh out on it. i know he’s confused af rn, and tbh i don’t think he’s handled this as badly (atm at least) as i thought it could have gone, but at the same time, if he doesn’t decide and set his heart on what he really wants, he’s just going to end up hurting them all. LOVE that she basically tells him to get his shit together first before coming back to her. i like her so much. and that scene of teh just walking around and around at the back feeling conflicted while she drew? really reminds me of the squiggly line timeline(?) of how ep 4 was going to go that nadao released before this ep went live. also cmbyn vibes were real in that one.

the devastation in oh-aew’s voice when he asks teh to at least reply his messages ;;; it’s like teh wants to go back to just being friends and oh-aew has kind of accepted that at this point, but at the same time, teh’s not backing that up. he says he wants to be friends, but he doesn’t know how to act ‘normal’ about it anymore, so he pushes oh-aew away instead. good on oh-aew for not taking that shit and standing up for himself too. i absolutely cannot stand seeing oh-aew sad bc pp’s sad face/voice is so good it actually pains me.

notice how teh ALWAYS uses studies/tutoring as an excuse to get closer to oh-aew again...hmmm...does oh-aew see it for what that is now too? that “you’ve never understood me” hit me like a fucking train. to think that they were so attuned to one another last ep, but now teh’s too caught up in he’s own world to realise just how much he’s hurting oh-aew. thanks, i hate it.

i know that he’s needs to figure himself out more and i absolutely stand by the fact that he needs to do that without messing around with either oh-aew or tarn (and also that he’s using studies again to get into oh-aew’s good books instead of talking through feelings and all that), but the chinese idiom book that he made for oh-aew was actually SO CUTE and romantic. all this stuff he does for oh-aew to show that he clearly cares so much, yet he can never accept it enough to get the words out...

I SWEAR THEY PLAY THE INSTRUMENTAL SKYLINE JUST TO CHOKE ME UP. the darting around each other after the neck kiss COUPLED with the skyline instrumental?? it’s like a sad beach scene 2.0. teh making the first (intimate) move this time. every time he’s trying so hard to convince himself he’s not in love with this boy, and every time he keeps coming back. i always feel such a weird mix of happy and sad when i see them together bc i love them but i know teh in particular, is just not ready yet. like the hug scene made my heart leap, BUT they did it in hiding (under the staircase). all their big intimate scenes are in hiding and that just :(((

teh saying that he loves the seawater on his back bc it holds him up, and oh-aew saying but you have to hold your breath in that posture and it gets uncomfortable so he likes letting it go and just sinking sometimes instead (obv paraphrasing but you get the drift)?? THE WRITING IN THIS. it says so much without telling the audience directly...so poetic. everything about this show is so poetic. the way they sink into the ocean and into that space of oh-aew’s where you can just let yourself go without holding back, and then and only THEN does teh finally kiss oh-aew. and it’s beautiful, after holding back for so long, but it’s also painful bc he’s let go but only within this tiny pocket of space and time. in hiding again. that bird’s eye view shot where you can’t see them at all sealed it for me. like you want to be happy, but you can’t really bc you know that they’ve still got so much more to go...like when teh’s hand grazes oh-aew’s chest and you see oh-aew realise again...like that’s partly what stopped teh the first time in ep 3. when his hands stopped at oh-aew’s chest like it hit in for him that he was a boy. anyway, love that they gave us a skam kiss but i’m also very sad. on another note, how the hell did they hold their breath for that long?????

love that they gave us a further 2 more seconds of teh/oh-aew being cute (CONSTANTLY thinking about teh’s fingers dancing across oh-aew’s face and smushing his face in his hands...oh-aew holding the back of teh’s head...just a brief moment of carefreeness) before they went for the jugular. watching teh fight against himself in this way is what hurts. oh-aew begging him to just let go and accept what they are (the way he keeps going “what did i do wrong?? you feel it too!!”) but he’s so tortured he can’t do it. it’s downright fucking heartbreaking. the “one day i’ll stop feeling this way”...could have just stabbed oh-aew and it would have hurt less. all i know is i’m hurting for the both of them. the repression is real, and it just sucks. this whole thing fucking sucks for both of them (and tarn and bas too at that). idk it just gets me that oh-aew is coming out of this having been rejected once again bc teh isn’t ready yet. and i know this but it doesn’t make me any less upset. not at any of them bc it’s hard i know it’s hard...just at the situation. sometimes it feels like teh’s taking a step forward but then he takes two more back instead. the look on teh’s face when oh-aew was like let’s stop being friends...total devastation. i’m done. don’t want to think about it anymore.

i’m glad that oh-aew’s parents are so supportive of him though. i wasn’t sure how close they were based on their previous interaction but they really love him and i’m glad he has that stability to help him through this.

THE SCENE WITH OH-AEW AND THE BRA FUCKING BLEW ME AWAY. this show is always keeping me guessing, and again yet another thing that i wasn’t expecting but it was so visceral. the red of the bra in comparison to tarn’s bra with the purple hibiscus flowers on it...everything connects. oh-aew looking into the mirror with that bra on and thinking about how things would have been different if only :((( and then his breakdown when he realises that it’s not and that’s the reality of the situation. the feeling that gave me sits so deep within my chest i can’t even begin to carve it out.

teh masturbating when he sees that picture of oh-aew and to that picture of yongjian on his wall (idk why it only now just occurred to me that yongjian is always in red too)?? the self-hatred in this scene. the internalised homophobia. my heart feels so heavy.

he KEEPS reaching and it’s going nowhere bc it won’t ever be enough, and that’s not fair on himself and it’s not fair on tarn. like i understand what he’s going through, and i get that he’s extremely confused and needs the clarification, but when he asks tarn to tell her she loves him and he can’t do the same back for her...i just feel so, so, so fucking bad for tarn.

oh-aew hoping that the worksheets left for him were from teh (which would be very on brand of him), but then seeing bas :( maybe in another world, in another life (like teh and tarn)...but he’s such a sweetheart. bas, best boy ;;;

legit as soon as the gang came to see teh off to bangkok and talk to him about how oh-aew was doing terribly (and wasn’t planning on going to the admission exams) i knew where this was going to go. there’s been so much foreshadowing leading up to this, and this was also one of (if not my main theory) with how things were going to eventually play out. but tbh for some reason i thought it was going to play out later in ep 5...but like damn. damn. the way i understand but at the same time i kept going OH TEH :( throughout this. the utter STRESS this bit put me through. THE MISCOMMUNICATION.

anyway, teh’s love language is clearly acts of service. but it can really be to his detriment when he does things impulsively (albeit with care and good intentions), but he doesn’t use his words so things get lost in translation. sometimes actions just aren’t enough and you really do need words to communicate.

the confirmation scene was so tense...even now i’m just sitting here thinking about it and there’s a hole in my stomach at the thought of what teh must be going through and what he ends up doing. like when that last person on the list shows up and you KNOW it’s going to happen but at the same time it’s like a punch to the chest bc there’s just no doubt that teh’s going to turn it down for oh-aew...OF COURSE he would. oh-aew’s split moment of happiness before realising what teh’s done...the absolute dread i still have in me at the realisation of this.

the tension really kept increasing from here on in...teh coming home and his mum just being so fucking proud of him and telling everyone in the restaurant about how happy she is for him (all while teh is absolutely depleted), then tarn coming in and everything bubbling over when she realises what teh’s done too. realises that teh’s in love with oh-aew (smile is so great in this btw like WOW). the “you hurt me and i’m alright with that, teh, but right now you’re hurting yourself” broke my heart. absolutely love tarn as a character and only ever want the best for her.

when he tells his mum :((((((((((( and his mum just goes on about how hard he’s worked and how much he’s already sacrificed only for him to throw that away. he wanted her to be proud of him SO BAD, wanted to not be compared to his brother for once, only for him to give away his place bc he loves oh-aew more than he wants his mother’s praise. more than he wants to compete and ‘win’ against his brother. when she points to hoon and goes “why can’t you be more like him?” and he just loses it. like rubbing salt in the wound. i’m so glad hoon finally hugged him the way i’ve been wanting to this whole time. the banner congratulating him that teh’s mum made with all his materials from before :((( hoon giving him money for uni :((( you ever watch some things and feel like you’ll never be happy again...

okay the way that everything spiralled during the ig story fight?????? what gets me is that teh sacrificed his place thinking that oh-aew wasn’t going to sit the exam at all (he could have just talked to him and convinced him instead but ughhh i understand i get it). oh-aew thinks he did it bc teh didn’t believe he could get in himself (which of course then spurs him to give it up so he can get in through the exam instead). and when teh sees that, it’s like a smack in the face, like he went through all that only for oh-aew to reject it (him). it’s just layers upon layers of miscommunication and the anxiety of it all absolutely guts me. and then the anger mixing into devastation when he opens his book and sees how it’s all cut up. the remnants a reminder of everything he’s done for oh-aew. this boy that he adores but can’t accept he has feelings for. it’s just this mix of anger and sorrow and what have i fucking done?????? and how could he????? the cast were all fantastic but billkin really had to go above and beyond in this one and i could absolutely feel his pain throughout this.

TO PIGGY BACK ON THIS, like i said before, teh has always used studying/tutoring as a tool to get closer to oh-aew, but seeing that book with all the words gone was in part also him realising he doesn’t have that anymore. he can’t use that tool to get close to oh-aew anymore. the only way forward would be to actually get close to oh-aew without the pretences. and the saddest part of this all is that oh-aew doesn’t even NEED all of that (the tutoring, the book of idioms, the relinquishing of his uni spot)...the only thing he wants is for teh to ADMIT his feelings out loud. to admit that he feels the same way about oh-aew that oh-aew feels about him.

it’s funny bc in the last ep, the conversation that had me feeling the most nervous was when they’re talking at the cape, and oh-aew’s telling teh that he’s a rival and inspiration to him. i always KNEW this was going to come back to haunt them. like a constant circle. friends to rivals to friends to more than friends(?) to rivals. it’s a fine line. narratively, it always had to happen, and now they’re back to competing against one another yet again, and it’s going to be so tough bc they’ll have so much more competition on top of that as well.

next ep is going to be very, very hard on teh, but somehow after this ep, i just feel a lot more hopeful about it? i’m pretty convinced at this point that it won’t end in tragedy (which was the thing that i wanted least of all). of course i want both teh and oh-aew to end up together, but i can understand if they don’t. if this ends with them rekindling their friendship again, that’ll be enough for me. their relationship has been so turbulent and passionate that it needs some stability, and hopefully when teh’s in a better state of mind, when he’s at a place when he’s finally accepted all parts of himself, they’ll get there. so if that means it ends on them running to the cape together (even if they’re not technically together) fulfilling their promise to one another in the sunset, then that’s fine with me. i don’t mind an open ending if it makes sense in the context of the story, and i think something like that would. it’s like after such an angsty episode, you need a slight reprieve from it. i have no doubt in my mind that ep 5 will contain darkness, but i do think that there will be light at the end of the tunnel. so for once i feel truly hopeful about it.

i can’t believe we only have one more ep left to go...

[cattles-bians]

damie vibecca exes au pt 9

post directory

obsetress: ready ok ot4 hc incoming

em: ot4! ot4! ot4

obsetress: after dani breaks up with her viola cuts all her hair off n it's the first impulsive thing she's ever allowed herself to do in her whole life (which should also tell you exactly how fucked up she was by it) n so then we have

obsetress: short curly hair viola

em: what is wrong with you

em: oh i love a dramatic haircut as a motif

obsetress: by the time she and rebecca start hooking up it's grown into a long bob and she keeps that for a while tbh because like

obsetress: viola has impulses all the time but she either: suppresses them, or thinks about them and then does them to the point where they can no longer be considered impulsive

obsetress: vs um

obsetress: dani has impulses all the time and used to suppress them but then fully leaned into

obsetress: charging headfirst into whatever the fuck (vp speech ref sheds a tear)

em: OTP: dont you wanna go apeshitt

obsetress: and thinking about how people change u and rub off on u for the better even after they leave

obsetress: viola: wants to go apeshitt

obsetress: viola: thinks about going apeshitt, thinks about all the ways it would benefit her, thinks about how she would enjoy it even if it did not in any way benefit her

obsetress: viola: yes ok don't you wanna go apeshitt

em: no but i am i am thinking abt like. dani and viola as both sort of? dragged into being housewives and homemakers because Women n viola didn’t really have the power to change her situation (even if she got isabel out of it!) and dani actually managed to call it off

obsetress: YEAH

obsetress: grits teeth

obsetress: once again crying over very intentional very deliberate danvi parallels that no one else wants to talk about and i think even in this au right

obsetress: viola is socialized in such a specific space that this can very much still be true

obsetress: and i think like part of what draws her to dani is exactly that––that dani had the freedom to do that much sooner––but also she resents dani for exactly that too

obsetress: even when they're together, and that's the possession piece too

obsetress: i think a part of her thinks if she can't do it for herself she can have it for herself and that's close enough

obsetress: like she v much covets dani

em: ah the unique way that lesbians fuck each other up bc of living in a homophobic and misogynistic society

em:i mean who doesn’t covet danis ass

obsetress: literally and metaphorically

obsetress: and part of dani definitely knows that but part of dani (at least until she doesn't) likes it

obsetress: (also this is kinda what i was getting at w my insane lil pwp alfjadslf but i think it tracks here too)

obsetress: because she's like "well this is what it's supposed to be but it didn't work with eddie because i don't like men but now i'm with a woman and this is how it's supposed to be"

obsetress: "and i like being wanted it's nice to be wanted by someone i want for once"

obsetress: but yeah thinking a lot about the danvi dynamic once again

obsetress: viola short curly hair to viola long bob

obsetress: YEAH I JSUT

obsetress: WENT TO HER INSTA TO FIND

obsetress: AND THEN GOT

obsetress: SO DISTRACTD

[em note: edited out a 30 minute tangent going through pictures from kates instagram]

obsetress: so anyway the whole point of this. long bob viola

obsetress: rebecca loves long bob viola she rly loves um. sitting on her lap and running her fingers back through her hair

obsetress: when she and dani see each other again for the first time dani's all "oh. you cut your... hair" and vi's like "i did" and dani's like "it, um. looks... it looks... good?"

em: i think it’s nice when viola does something for herself :)

obsetress: it's nice :)

obsetress: i'm happy for her :)

obsetress: wish she didn't have to look so much hotter though :)

obsetress: don't make that face, babe, it's fine :)

obsetress: you know i love you :)

em: WAIT

em: dani had a fucking moment. she’s like

obsetress: oh dani likes her girls w curly hair huh

em: counting on her fingers. how many ppl has she dated w

em: YEAH

obsetress: YEAHDLKFJSLDFDFJSLDFj

em: CURLY BROWN HAIR

obsetress: OH MGOD EDDIE TOO

obsetress: NOT JUST GIRLS

obsetress: aw baby has a type

em: so actually it is DANI who ends up w the strongest routine

em: just short bob hair viola sitting next to jamie and dani has a fuckjng. out of body experience. perceives herself a little too hard

obsetress: she's just. staring

obsetress: mouth def hanging open

obsetress: then someone's like "dani? dani?" and she's blinking like five times in a row and sitting up straight

obsetress: but she does def have that moment at brunch

em: jamie doesn’t twig it

em: violas like. violas got a keen eye for anyone ‘copying’ her style. raises one devastating eyebrow

obsetress: dani and vi devastating eyebrow partners n crime

obsetress: later that night, in bed: jamie?

jamie: wot?

dani: do i have a type?

obsetress: jamie immediately wants to jump to no because how could she have anything in common w––

obsetress: oh. oh

em: jamie’s lil wispy premature greys set her apart

em: ‘jamie HATES it when she has things in common w viola’ is my favourite bit sjddkhd

obsetress: jamie "not sure how viola has no greys n she's how much older than me again" taylor

em: dani realises she actually has. no idea how old viola is

em: barely even knows a birthday

em: maybe viola even has like. a decoy birthday

em: queen of being mysterious for the drama of it all

obsetress: "she's just too stubborn to grey is all" "i'm stubborn!" "mm" "wossat supposed to mean" "you're..." "i'm what" "you like to... pretend? you're stubborn" "pretend i'm–– i am!" "jamie, i asked you to repark the car because i didn't want to get out of bed and it's street cleaning day and you immediately jumped up to do it even though you can barely parallel park"

em: WHIPPED

obsetress: jamie's quiet for a long time then, softly: "can parallel park just fine"

obsetress: "mm"

obsetress: whipped as hell

obsetress: this led me to everyone making dani or viola parallel park all the time when they go anywhere

obsetress: hc dani is a Very Good driver. idk why but it tickles me

em: i think um. dani is v independent and wants to be able to do things herself

em: and i think she probably got her license before eddie, but as soon as eddie got his....

obsetress: and dani's better than him n got a better score than him, and yet

em: and yet!

em: they swap out being deso driver if they’re gonna be drinking. or jsut call a taxi lmao

em: i’m so endeared by Extremely Good Driver Dani

em: dani does a reverse park without thinking

obsetress: viola loves her martinis n dani is drunk off of half a glass of sangria

obsetress: same!!!!!!!

obsetress: also just like. imagining

obsetress: dani checking all her mirrors

em: no

em: HANNAH

obsetress: and adjusting everything so fastidious

obsetress: OH GOD

obsetress: i didn't––

em: i jumped

em: phew it’s actually cute

obsetress: yeah! dw i'm not sick

em: well

obsetress: she just goes through her whole lil checklist and is so meticulous and precise

em: jamies like ‘we’re the same height’ and danis like ‘well.’

obsetress: oh god the four of them driving to the seaside for a vacation together (lots of content to mine here, will have to put a pin in most of it because i am getting sleepy) but they end up taking the truck much to vi’s chagrin just because it can hold the most

obsetress: (like viola doesn’t have a range rover but listen it needs to be dani n jamie’s car for this to work)

obsetress: and vi and rebecca are sitting in the back and then rebecca’s frowning and blinking and digging a headband out of the seat between them and viola immediately just. knows

obsetress: she’s like “dani?” “mm?” “you and jamie... have cleaned your car recently, right?” (jamie’s chiming in: “i’m right here, vi, you can address me too,” viola pointedly ignores her) “um... maybe a couple months ago? why?” “well,” and vi pokes her disdainfully with the headband, “can you at least tell me you’ve had it cleaned between whenever this got stuck between the seats and rebecca and me sitting here now?”

obsetress: dani just GRINS sheepishly

obsetress: “i could tell you that, but...” “but?” dani mumbles “it would be a lie”

obsetress: anyway dunno why vi’s that upset about having to sit in the backseat where dani n jamie hooked up, like, last week when it’s not like she and rebecca haven’t been inside the two of them respectively but it’s absolutely the kind of contrarian shit she’d choose to be pressed about and it makes me laugh so

[leavetwn]

* AMANDA CAMPANA, NOBINARY + SHE/HER/THEY/THEM  | you know RAMONA GALLO, right? they’re TWENTY-THREE, and they’ve lived in irving for, like, TWENTY-THREE YEARS? well, their spotify wrapped says they listened to CRYING ON THE BATHROOM FLOOR BY MUNA like, a million times this year, which makes sense ‘cause they’ve got that whole COLD PIZZA AS A HANGOVER CURE, TALKING SHIT ABOUT CUSTOMERS IN THE BREAKROOM, LONGING FOR WHAT COULD'VE BEEN,  thing going on. i just checked and their birthday is AUGUST 17TH, so they’re a LEO, which is unsurprising, all things considered. ( claire, 22, est, she/her )

HEY , BESTIES ! happy new year (the way it’s 11:55pm here so barely) !! my name’s claire and i’m 22. i’m livin in the est timezone, and my pronouns are she/her. i’m bringing y’all a mess of a muse 😈 because well  ,,, it’s what i’m best at. if you’re feelin ramona & wanna plot, just go ahead and like this & i’ll hit you up. i usually plot on discord, but if you prefer the tumblr ims, that’s no problem at all. anyway, lemme stop waistin time and get to introducing you to ramona. * tw: mentions of cheating & alcohol. 

𝐈. ━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐬 .

full name: ramona gallo.  nickname(s): anything your muse wants to call her tbh. age: twenty-three. date of birth: august 17th. zodiac sign: leo. gender/pronouns: non-binary, she/her/they/them. sexual orientation: bisexual. romantic orientation: biromantic. hometown: irving, north carolina. current residence: irving, north carolina. occupation: employee at zoinkies currently,  a lifeguard during the summer. eye color: brown. hair color/style: had long hair up until her breakup then had one of those breakdowns and cut her own hair into a bob and then her own bangs. i bet it was a mess lol so she probably called her friends or went to a salon the very next day to get it fixed. also highlighted the ends red but her natural color is brown. height : 5′5″. clothing style: simple and comfortable. t-shirts, croptops, turtlenecks, all usually paired with either jean shorts or jeans in general. she prefers to feel cozy rather than cute. tattoos: yes. a small one on her wrist. wants more eventually. piercings: both ears peirced & a navel piercing that she did herself against better judgement lol.

𝐈. ━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ 𝐪𝐮𝐢𝐜𝐤 𝐡𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐲 .

you were born on a scorching hot day in irving , your father says so, anyway. you’re convinced he’s being dramatic. your birth went smoothly; after two previous children, your parents had become disillusioned by childbirth. just another one to add to the bunch, and one that was meant to save a dying marriage. still, they loved you nonetheless. your father, to this day. your mother, until you were ten, and then she up and left without a warning. 

your father keeps food on the table by fixing cars. you spend your days in the hot sun watching him replace parts and continuously try to crank vehicles until they run. he fist pumps every time one does. ‘ how lame, ’ you think, but it’s inspiring how hard he works to take care of three kids. and he does a good job. 

therefore , you spend much of your early life trying to make him proud. you’re smart as a whip, and all your teachers have good things to say about you when it comes to academics. you’re a bit of a troublemaker, though. your father doesn’t mind that too much; he was the same at your age. and he’s proud  —  proud to see you work so hard. 

you spend your teenage years doing much of the same. though , you begin to come home a bit later than usual, and your excuse is that you’ve been at ashley’s or samantha’s, but really all three of you were out partying. you don’t think your father would care (your grades are fine & he wants you to live like a normal teenager) ,  but you still lie about it. why ? well, who knows, maybe you like the adrenaline rush it gives you. like most things, you do them for the thrill. 

you join the swim team. you’re kind of bad , but that’s okay. just like always , you work hard, and you realize that you’re kind of a natural. your father cheers louder than anyone else in the stands. it pushes you to do better. with your good grades and athletics , your guidance counselor tells you you’re a shoo in for a scholarship from whatever university you want. you apply to several. if it’s one thing you hate, its this town. you can’t wait to make it out, and you figure, this might be your only way. 

you’re eighteen, and you’re in love. it’s crazy how love can make you see things differently. suddenly , this town doesn’t seem half bad. all your friends find it cute , and you tell them everything. the things he tells you or the way he makes you feel. it’s a crazy feeling; you never want it to end. 

you throw your cap in the air. finally , high school is over. college is looming. you’ve been accepted to several & received scholarships from at least a few. you lie in bed thinking about it. now, you suddenly don’t want to leave so bad. don’t want to leave him behind. how could someone leave another they love so easily? it makes you hate your mother more.

for the first time, you disappoint your father. you don’t go to college. you don’t give a damn. you want to stay where love is. you’re addicted to the feeling. this lasts for three years. now, you’re twenty-one; you’ve gotten a job at zoinkies, and that keeps you away for most of the day. you randomly decide to visit your boyfriend during a lunch break one day. you find him in bed with someone else. suddenly , you realize love isn’t as addicting as you once thought. what once made the world beautiful now made it hideous. what once made you feel so high had somehow made you feel so low. it was horrible, and you’d realized your mistakes. 

you threw away your future for love. something as rotten and twisted as love. something you swore you’d never let yourself feel again. something that you put away in a locked box with no key. irving was the same place you’d always known it to be. boring, drab, familiar. at least you had your family. that was barely enough to keep you sane, though, and it was hard to feel normal.

you turned to the thing that help. alcohol, partying, any escape at all. you lacked coping skills   —  that much was clear, but you didn’t care. you blamed it on something else entirely. just as your teachers had said, you’re a bit of a troublemaker. you do anything to make yourself feel alive, to make yourself feel free of the hurt. 

it’s two years later now. you’re still not over it in some ways, as regret turns to anger and resentment. you’re bitter. who wouldn’t be? but you feel like you’ve had time to mourn. maybe it’s because you never acknowledged it in the way you should’ve ( it’s still locked away in that box. ) you still have your bad habits. you still work at your stupid job that you hate. you’re lost, but you’ll figure it out. you always do. so, you continue to float , seemingly stuck in the town that you never let go of, and you wonder what comes next. only time will tell.

𝐈. ━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ 𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐜𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐞𝐨𝐮𝐬 .

still swims but doesn’t have as much time for it. probably not as good, but since she spends the summer lifeguarding, she uses that time to practice & try to get back to where she was. also kinda jaded asf so even if she says she wants to get back into it, she probably won’t lmaoo.

is a horrible driver. how did she get a license ?? not even she knows. def the type to like have a leg up on the dash board, hand out the window, and only one hand on the wheel while speedin idk how she makes it out alive

can take a car apart and put it back together again thanks to her dad. also changes her own tires so let her change your tires. im just sayin 

stays up way too late & would sleep until 2 pm everyday if she didn’t have to work. should probably work on being an adult and going to bed at a normal time but just half the time doesn’t give a fuck so she’s probably sleep deprived a lot. therefore also has a 

character parallels: alice ayres/jane jones (closer, 2004) , clementine (eternal sunshine of the spotless mind, 2004) , fiona gallagher (shameless, 2011-present) , more to be added.

𝐈. ━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐧𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 .

ok but plots really do be making my world go ‘round. 😳 i love em, so literally hmu with anything you’re feeling, and i’ll be down. just wanna plot & write with everyone 💕 but here’s a couple of wanted connections for y’all. i’ll prolly have a most wanted tag sooner or later & i’ma be make a plot page soon.  

* the unholy trinity  — these two are the friends she cherishes most. i’m assuming they’ve been friends since at least early high school , maybe earlier. they went through a lot together. these two were with her through all her relationship troubles. true ride or dies. she’s do absolutely anything for them, and she trusts that they feel the same way. they’re rowdy & wild, do whatever they want, and have a damn good time doin it. also have a gc where they just talk shit and send tiktoks idk just gimme this plsss 🥺

* friends with benefits / one night stands  —  this would probably be the extent of ramona. clearly not over what happened to her the last time 😭, so she’d have plenty of these tbh. she probably wouldn’t think too much about it, but it could be awkward for you muse maybe, etc. 

* unrequited love / crush  —  here’s a toast to the ones who crush on ramona. it would be an absolute tragedy lmaoo. she’s not really mean about it, but she is 100% certain she’s not looking for any type of relationship. could be really dramatic and messy and those are tha best kind. literally this

* former friends / enemies  —  she’s lived here her whole life, so she’s at least got one. these two just don’t get along/no longer get along for whatever reason that can be plotted out. 

* coworkers   — she works zoinkies throughout the year and picks up shifts as a lifeguard during the summer so your muses could know her from that. could delve into a close friend territory too lmao. they probably just sit in break rooms and talk about rude customers or bossy managers lmaooo.

* literally anything your heart desires — a lot could work. we could even just start from nowhere & have them meet for the first time if they’re newer/just to town. 

[fmjoanna]

hola , mamakeishas ! 😍 i’m claire, and we love a good repurposing of intro posts. no but seriously, i’m really excited that this is finally open. i’m also really excited to meet all of your muses & write with youuuu. so without further ado, lemme introduce you to jo. aka my stupid, stubborn child who i love so much.  like this & i’ll swoop into your dms for some plots. 👉👈

☆ . · . cindy kimberly, twenty-one, cisfemale, she/her . · . ☆ JOANNA “JO” VASQUEZ lives in that huge mansion over there! no, not that one. look for PERFECTLY TRIMMED HEDGES and that’ll be it. the ACTRESS has offered occasional glimpses of MAROON walls and an impressive collection of WINE in the background of social media posts, but all of that is nothing compared to seeing the opulence in person. they’ve remained DILIGENT as ever since moving to tercet court FOUR MONTHS AGO, but it seems like they might’ve gotten a little more RESERVED too. maybe that’s why they’re rumored to have such a CAUTIOUS relationship with everyone else who lives on this street.

* BACKSTORY .

tw. mentions of drugs & death.

from  the  beginning  ,  it  was  never  jo’s  dream  to  be  famous.  while  most  girls  were  at  home  playing  with  toys,  jo  was  getting  prepped  for  auditions  by  her  parents.  they  had  ambitions   ————  to  get  filthy  stinkin’  rich  off  the  back  of  their  daughter,  and  for  the  most  part,  it  worked.

jo  landed  a  major  role  in  a  disney  show  (  think  like  hannah  montanna  or  wizards  of  waverly  place,  that  kinda  cultural  impact  ),  and  quickly,  she  became  one  of  america’s  sweethearts.  that  was  a  lot  for  one  kid  to  handle, with  all  the  filming,  press,  etc.  her  parents,  of  course,  ate  up  the  attention  and  capitalized  off  it  fairly  quickly.  brand  deals,  interviews,  anything  you  could  find  a  child  star  on  at  that  time.  it  pretty  quickly  became  overwhelming,  but  she  was  definitely  raking  in  the  dough.  that  meant  she  was  to  continue,  no  matter  how  tired  of  it  she  was.

which  is  where  her  perfectionism  comes  in  to  play,  she  had  a  lot  of  people  relying  on  her  ————  her  parents,  who  she  loved  regardless  of  the  stress  they  put  her  through,  director,  costars,  company,  etc.  jo  was  definitely  a  natural  when  it  came  to  acting.  she  knew  how  deliver  line  after  line,  emote,  and  successfully  pull  off   a  comedic  moment.  on  screen,  she  played  a  charismatic,  social butterfly,  which  was  the  exact  opposite  of  who  she  really was,  a  quiet,  nervous  girl  who  valued  her  privacy  and  just  wanted  to  live  a  normal  life.

which  began  to  take  it’s  toll  on  her.  the  older  the  she  became,  the  less  she  liked  being  seen  as  the  sweet  girl  next  door,  so  she  completely  had  a  breaking  out  of  that  mold  phase ( ala  like  miley  cyrus  or  britney  spears )  around  the  time  her  disney  show  came  to  an  end.  much  to  her  parents  dismay,  she  became  known  more  for  her  off-screen  antics  than  her  onscreen  one  &  definitely  kept  the  paparazzi’s  pockets  fat.  “jo  vasquez  spotted  (fill  in  the  blank  with  something  controversial)”  filled  the  pages  of  magazines  for  a  lot  of  her  17-18  years,  and  she  went  from  america’s  sweetheart  to  probably  one  of  america’s  most  hated lol.  it  had  a  negative  impact  on  her  career  as  well,  which  she  was  happy  about  for  awhile.  that  is,  until  she  realized  that  most  of the  money  she  made  as  a  child  was  collected  by  her  parents  &  not  her.

with  no  money  coming  in  &  the  relationship  with  her  parents  souring,  she  left  home  &  avoided  the  spotlight  for  around  three  years.  probably  lost  contact  with  a  lot  of  people  then  too.  she  thought  a  nice,  quiet  time  by  herself  &  without  paparazzi  following  her  24/7  would  be  healthy.  

&  it  was.  jo  used  the  last  bit  of  her  childhood  savings  to  fund  her  time  away,  but  with  money  tight ,  she  was  a  bit  unsure  of  what  was  left  to  do.  that’s  where  her  great  aunt  came  in.  her  great  aunt  had  gotten  rich  of  her  stocks  in  a  successful  makeup  line  when  she  was  in  her  late  30′s  ( something  that  joanna’s  parents  were  super  jealous  of ).  with  that  kind  of  money,  she  was  able  to  move  to  the  hills  and  purchase  a  beautiful  home.  joanna  had  met  her  only  once  or  twice,  but  there  was  definite  tension  between  her  parents  and  her  aunt.  the  only  thing  she  really knew  about  her  was  that  she  was  wealthy  and  lived  alone,  no  kids  or  significant  other. 

unexpectedly,  her  great  aunt  passed  away,  news  that  didn’t  reach  jo  until  she  got  a  letter  from  her  aunt’s  lawyer,  saying  that  since  her  great  aunt  didn’t  have  kids  &  didn’t  want  to  leave  her  belongings  to  her  niece  (  jo’s  mother  ),  she  had  left  everything  to  jo.  it  completely  caught  her  off  guard,  and  she  considers  herself  pretty  lucky.  

she  knew  that  she  couldn’t  stay  in  the  hills  forever  without  some  income,  and  because  she  feels  like  acting  is  what  she’s  best  at,  she  decided  to  contact  her  old  manager,  and  together,  they  came  up  with  a  plan  to  revive  her  career.

sooooo ,  now  she’s  back  in  los  angeles.  media  has  def  heard  of  her  return  (  apart  of  her  manager’s  plan  )  &  there’s  been  a  small  amount  of  buzz  around  it.  she’s  more  of  a  former  a-list,  so  she’s  really  not  that  in  demand.  however,  she  did  manage  to  land  a  supporting  role  in  a  major  blockbuster  (   something  like  a  marvel  movie  probs  )  so  she’s  hoping  that’ll  change  fairly  soon.

* PERSONALITY .

probably  fake  lol.  let’s  just  be  honest.  kinda  hates  the  celebrity  lifestyle  &  is  cautious  when  it  comes  to  other people  in  the  industry  so  yeah,  she’s  the  type  to  smile  in  your  face  and  then  glare  when  your  backs  turned.  she  knows  how  important  connections  are  in  this  business  &  word  travels  fast  so  she’s  probably  not  “real”  except  with  the  people  she’s  closest  to.  also  the  type  to  be  like  “OMG ofc  i  know  what  that  is. 😍  it’s  my  fave”  but  then  have  absolutely  no  clue  what  the  fuck  it  is  lmaoo  a  tragedy

she’s  a  hard  worker  &  def  a  perfectionist.  everything  has  to  be  perfect,  and  she’ll  do  as  much  as  she  can  to  get  it  right.  it’s  probs  the  reason  she  stuck  with  acting  b/c  the  trial  and  error  of  learning  something  new  would  be  way  too  much  for  her  lol.

but  also  enjoys  time  out  a  lil  too  much  prolly.  is  a  regular  to  night  life  &  partying  (  more  under  wraps  now  than  back  in  the  day  )  &  will  out  drink  just  about  anyone  you  know.  it  makes  her  a  bit  more  brave  &  she  believes   ppl  bare  their  souls  when  they’re  inebriated  so  it’s  easier  to  get  to  know  ppl.  what  a  weirdo.  also  partakes  in  her  fair  share  of  prolly  just  weed.  no  hard  drugs  tbh  she’s  not  the  one

your  average  gal  just  looking  to  have  fun ,  but  could  def  potentially  catch  feelings  that  she  would  deny  til  she  can’t  anymore  or  until  it’s  too late. 🤪  lowkey  wants  someone  to  just  sweep  her  off  her  feet,  but  she’s  blind  to  the  reality  that  she  always  be  making  things  complicated.

behind  the  facade,  she’s  a  bit  stubborn.  probably  also  a  side  effect  of  being  a  perfectionist  &  also  her  need  for  control  ( since  she  lacked  that  when  she  was  young )  so  be  prepared  for  that

* WANTED CONNECTIONS .

ok  but  plots  really  do  be  making  my  world  go  ‘round. 😳 i  love  em,  so  literally  hmu  with  anything  you’re  feeling,  and  i’ll  be  down.  just  wanna  plot  &  write  with  everyone 💕  but  here’s  a  couple  of  wanted  connections  for  y’all.  i’ll prolly  have  a  most  wanted  tag  sooner  or  later  &  i’ma  be  make  a  plot  page  soon.  

best  friend  /  friend  group:  there’s  no  way  jo  could  function  without  friends,  so  pls  give  her  some  good  ass  platonic  tingz.  these  are  the  people  she  can  be  herself  around,  so  she  holds  them  really  dear.

people  from  the  past:  someone  she  knew  from  the  past.  could  be  friends,  enemies,  lovers,  costars,  etc.  she  didn’t  really  let  that  many  people  know  that  she  was  leaving  so  now  that  she’s  back  it  could  be  like  👀  dramatic.

unrequited love / crush:  these  are  fun.  joanna  doesn’t  really  know  how  to  handle  her  romantic  feelings  so  it’d  probably  be  her  getting  the  cold  shoulder .

hookups / fwb:  past,  present,  future.  fwb  would  probs  get  messy.  maybe  she  caught  feelings  or  sumn.

former  friends:  something  happened  &  they’re  no  longer  friends.  we  can  plot  it  all  out . :^)

childhood  friends  to  lovers  to  exes  that  ended  on  bad  terms:  saw  this  on  a  plot  masterlist  &  it  sounds  fun  so  i  thought  i’d  put  it  here lol.

literally anything  your  heart  desires: a  lot  could  work.  we  could  even  just  start  from  nowhere  &  have  them  meet  for  the  first  time  b/c  jo’s  only  been  back  for  a  couple  of  months.

[ritingsandwramblings]

Camp Headcanons (Evan Hansen x Reader)

Anon. requested: "This could be hc or a fic but reader and Evan go to a wilderness camp (trees!!) (they don't know that the other is going) they end up thinking Evans name is a girls name (like evana or something like that idk) and you get put in a cabin together (like each cabin has two people or something ) and it's too late to change so you spend the summer basically living together and find out you actually really like each other maybe smut idk" THIS IS REALLY LONG SORRY I liked this a lot!!! So here's my first headcanon feel free to request more!!! *fem!reader btw Warnings: smut smut smUT SMUT •••• -Heidi probably saw the camp on Facebook and signed Evan up bc "you need to get out of the house" and "you'll like it look at all the nature!! Trees!!!" -hes low key hype bc there's so many new trees!! he's only seen pictures of them!!! now he'll get to go and see them irl!! -but also high key anxious™ because he knows he'll have to interact with all new people -and he's not all excited about having to share cabins with people but hey at least it's boys with boys and girls with girls, right? (wrONG) -you're going bc you wanted a change of scenery -you're v outdoorsy and have unfortunately already seen everything to see in your town nature wise, and even been on hikes and walks outside your town. -you saw the camp and were like "why not, new people, new scenery" -you and Evan go to the same school btw you know each other but don't talk. You've seen him around and smile at him in hallways and class and such but it's just bc you're nice. -usually he tries to smile back but just averts his eyes and walks -you're just so nice to him?? and he doesn't understand but he definitely has a low key crush on you -like you know what I mean he isn't pining after you very much but he low key would date you and wants to ask you out but he's so anxious and you're so pretty? -you get to the camp first and go to information station and get ur cabin # and roomie name -it says Evana Hansen (eh-vawn-uh) -"wow what a cool name hehe that sounds a lot like that Evan kid at school wonder if they're related" -"wow that would suck if they are why would you name your kids so closely" ((side note fun fact my friends Mom almost named her and her twin Alexander and Alexandria yikes)) -so you go to the cabin and choose a bed and start putting some clothes in the dresser and closet on that side of the cabin -door opens, you turn around to greet evana -ur met with a very red, shocked, Evan -"oh, hey? I think you have the wrong cabin, sorry?" -"n-no so-orry they, uh, they had my n-name as E-evana? A-and though I-I-I was a girl I g-guess, sorry" -"oh, haha, that sucks. Well, hey roomie, I'm y/n" -hes just so shook bc you're not like freaking out?? He thought you'd say he was a creep and that he probably hoped they'd think he was a girl and put him in a cabin with a girl or something -but you're so nice to him and you introduce himself and then the whole "I know" scene happens" -"you know?" "Yeah well I've just seen you in science class and you know a lot about nature and trees and stuff and I just really like trees" or something along those lines -you ask him his favorite tree and he's so shocked bc!! That's like such a weird thing for someone to have and you actually thought he might have a fav tree!! And he does!! -you guys talk for a while about trees and nature in general until it's time for dinner and then he's all nervous about it -so he's definitely fidgeting with the hem of his shirt and you notice and recognize his tick and carefully take his hand in yours -he jumps a bit and at first you're like "ah shit sorry I should've asked you just looked nervous i was trying to help calm you" -and he just kinda stutters that is okay but he's blushing so much -so for the next couple weeks of camp you guys have this best friends relationship and talk and hang out even when you don't have to and stay up late talking together -and then there's a few movie events at camp where you can lay out a blanket on the lawn and watch horror movies (mostly cabin in the woods type bc teenagers are fucking masochists) on a big screen -you love horror movies and were hype to go and Evan is like meh not so much but he's still gonna go he's just gonna probably cry a lil bit -but he ends up getting the courage to ask you out to go -"do y-you maybe wanna, go to th-th-that, uh, that horror m-movie, uh, to-together? I mean I guess we're already going together but like together together like as a d-date" he speaks hella fast and ur just -"Evan, honey, calm down, yes I'd love to go on a date with you" and he's just a happy blushing mess -you kiss his cheek and go out to the dining hall and he blushes again -he doesn't know you heard him go "yES!" when you left but you did and giggle until he catches up to you. -low key holding hands under the table from now on -so Evans a nervous wreck during the movie bc it's scary and creepy -and it's Friday the 13th so he's all kinda of freaking out bc there's a big lake near the camp you're at -(you notice he tries to stay far from the lake there ever since y'all watched the movie) -you see this and stroke your thumb on his hand -jump scares definitely scare and make him jump and he squeezes your hand a bit each time so you just lay your head on his shoulder and kiss his cheek every once in a while -he's hella blushy at the nude scenes -but y'all survive the movie and hold hands walking back to the cabin -and you get there and he's still hella freaked out so when you come out of the bathroom after putting in pajamas you see him sitting on his bed fidgeting and sit next to him and just hug him -after a few minutes you get up to go to your own bed and he just holds on -"p-please don't l-leave" -so you cuddle all night and it's kinda awkward and clumsy but it's still so warming and comforting -you guys keep going to some of the movies but none of the really creepy cabin in the woods ones (no matter how much you want to) -you take the time that almost all of camp is at movies to go on cute little dates and walks together and you just talk and maybe make out a little (you guys had your first kiss the morning after that first movie and like two weeks later he got comfortable enough to do some light making out) -and then sometime a month and a half after y'all do the nastayyyy -okay but they're playing Nightmare On Elm Street and you both decided the last thing Evan needs is to be afraid to sleep so you guys definitely skip this one. -You chill out at the cabin instead and just talk and cuddle -you guys kiss and start to make out -you were both sitting on his bed (which is both of yours now lets be real yall fall asleep cuddling there like every night) at first but after like five minutes you're straddling him and sitting in his lap with your arms around his neck loosely. -you can definitely feel the tent in his pants get bigger after you've been sitting in his lap for a while and moved a bit to adjust your position and pull back -"o-oh go-od i-I'm sorry I-I get it I-if y-you wanna dump m-me and g-get a n-new cabin n-now" -"Evan it's fine... do you want me to, maybe, help you out?" ;)) -"oh, uh, y-yeah, I-if you want though" -so you go back to making out and slowly make your way to his jawline and neck and start with kissing lightly but after a moment you're giving him hickeys around the neckline of his t-shirt. -he just mOANS but he's so embarrassed by it and blushes -he's rolling and unrolling the hem of your shirt now and you pull back and put your hands on It like you're gonna take it off -you look at him like 'is this okay?' And he just nods (a little excitedly and it's just so cute' -so you slowly take your shirt off and fling it onto your bed and he just doesn't know what to do so you slowly take his hands, again checking to make sure it's okay, and direct them to your chest. -at first they just sit there but eventually he starts to slowly massage them -you bite your lip and ur slightly holding back a moan but also wishing he would pick up the pace a bit -you reach for his shirt and he tenses but give you the okay and you take it off and fling it to yours -your hands instantly rest on his chest and you're just shook because he seems like he'd be a baby and have like no hair but he's got a hella hairy chest -and it def turns you on a bit more -after some more making out he eventually lets his hands travel to your back and he fumbles with the clip but gets your bra off pretty fast -Youre hella impressed like that was good for his first time -he kisses your lips and slowly and hesitantly travels down to kiss your jaw and then collarbone and then the top of your breast -he leaves a hickey there and you just let out a moan and man that turns him on -this boy definitely could get off to your pleasure and moans -after a while you stand to take off your shorts and he slips his off too real quick -you push him to lay back on the bed and climb on top and straddle him again -you grind down a bit and he lets out a groan and it's so deep and turns you tf on -you lean down and kiss his Adam's apple and then down his neck and leave more hickeys on his his collarbone and he moans and rests his hands on your waist -he's rubbing the fabric of your panties between his thumb and finger and you can tell he's low key itching to get it off so you stand up to do so and he has this look of realization -"uh, do you have a condom?" -at first you're like shit and upset but remember you have a few still in your backpack - thank god ou never empty the small pockets and you brought this bag -hes so relieved and watches as you take your panties off and walk over and slowly pull his boxers down -hes leaning against his elbows (and looks hella hot with the amount of hickeys and his swollen lips and bare chest) and blushes when his member springs free -youre kinda rushing and rip the condom open and quickly put it on his cock and he's just biting his lip -"have you ever done this before?" "N-no, sorry, I-is that a problem?" "No, it's fine, babe, I'm just gonna take the lead" -climbing on top again you give him a gentle kiss and sit up, slowly lowering yourself onto him -he suppressed a moan and you bite your lip, making sure he's okay before you start riding him -hes a groaning mess and he slowly stars to thrust up every time you slam down onto him -your hands travel to his hair and you lace your fingers through it -he definitely finds this hot and has a kink like this, not necessarily hair pulling but just running fingers through his hair -your eyes are closed so you don't notice his hands move to rest on your waist until they're there and then his thumb is at your core -you shudder a bit at the contact and he slowly starts to rubs your clit a bit and you moan so loud -you both come within a minute after that and when your done you tie up and throw the condom away and cuddle -after putting on underwear at least because you both agree sheets and blankets on your dick/vagina is hella weird feeling -needless to say you both are very glad you came to camp :) ;) -youre both glad you came to camp because you both came at camp ((BRB DELETING MY BLOG IM SORRY FOR THAT))

[elmuchodee]

Why falling out of love was the best thing that happened to me...

the title seems a bit ironic but bare w/me as I explain how simple it really was for me. i’ma hopeless romantic when the right person brings it out of me otherwise I'm deemed an “asshole” or “childish”; neither being false lol. ultimately I believe in love way beyond what social media has hyped it up to be now.. I believe in the kind of love that wants for nothing but gives soooo much more than just physical attraction. lol that doesn’t seem likely coming from me and my lack of seriousness(?) but I've always said I'm serious when it’s needed and when I'm “in love” is one of those times. on the outside I'm awkward, goofy and sometimes just extremely shy...on the inside well I'm the same lol except all the words/feelings come out smooth and I don’t fumble like a kid asking their mom for snack money -__-. but as I've grown older through age and through relationships I've become way more comfortable being “awkward” and “introverted” cause those things kind of tie into how I love. it’s a bit unique but also very old school. I grew up w/A LOT of r&b in my family so a lot of my “love influences” stem from that although at the time I never knew I'd be like this but I always felt like love was really special at some point in my life lol. I mean I'm obsessed w/90′s r&b, I listen to Jon B, SWX and Xscape daily and not cause I'm sad lol, it’s everyday music for me. it’s what I love. it also soothes me and puts me in a place where my fairy tale love life exists lol. 

so ultimately I've always known I'd be a hopeless romantic but of course from 17-20(ish) I said I'd NEVER fall in love....lol. of course that was far from true but I was a kid figuring out not only my sexual preference but also figuring out who I was. my lack of emotions/outright feelings caused girls to really doubt if I'm serious bout them, little do they know not many had the luxury (yeah I hyped myself there lol) of being TRULY LOVED by me. at the age of 26 I’ve loved two people but only truly loved one...looking back I would've never saw myself at that point. and when I say “loved” and “truly loved” I mean loved as someone id did a lot for, made me happy and seemingly reciprocated the feelings. now truly loving someone is a bit different...that for me was taking a relationship into real longevity which I never do. I think in the moment, I don’t really picture a future w/people (even tho I say I do lol, but who hasn't once or twice?) cause I was never big staying in long relationships and def not marriage. well the person I truly loved changed my whole perspective on everything I just said...but in a good way that benefits me even now long after we’ve gone our separate ways. basically truly loving someone for me is experiencing a type of love that is unlike any other feeling you’ve ever felt that makes you want to be one w/this other person and do everything possible to create this reality of love for your relationship. I'm sure everyone has a variety of ideals but that’s mine based off my personal experiences...

as it turns out truly loving someone is the greatest/worst feeling one can encounter. I say that cause the initial feeling of reciprocated [genuine] love is unmatched and really overtakes you w/excitement and butterflies. but the worst comes when that love is hard to keep together when things go sour or everything isn’t so rosy anymore...the feeling of losing that love is depressing. again personal experience...I took it SO hard I became a person I never knew existed and honestly never wanna see again cause that me was down and out everyday 24/7 and constantly forced love on someone that didn’t care anymore. it was hard to look at myself as I was breaking down but I had to in order to grow and move outta the slump it had me in. I love love in every way possible. I love seeing people in TRUE love, genuine shit. I despise instagram love or “goals posts”....it boasts that love is perfect and fixated around material things like matching outfits and shoes as a sign of real affection when those things aren’t close to what real love is. I guess that’s why I decided last year I'd do all I could to keep my personal life off any social media once I started dating again simply because the hype of being the new “it couple” becomes so stupid you argue/fight over literally nothing all the time; it’s mind blowing. so that love I can def do w/o any day but the rather of effortless love I really adore. I've always said love is effortless, it should want for nothing but genuine vibes and reciprocation....if it can't give those things at the MINIMUM it’s lust. you’re forcing yourself into someone’s life or you’re forcing a happy that doesn’t exist. for that I'd rather be single and happy. but while dating someone the less those things are seen the more apparent the love is fading....the hardest part is accepting that. it was for me at least. I knew deep down it wasn’t working but I wanted it to work so bad but didn’t know why. was it because she treated me so great? because she was there whenever I needed her and even when I didn’t? or because she understood my struggles when sometimes I couldn’t? unfortunately the answer was no to all those questions....I was stuck in comfort. I was comfortable dating her but also tired of constantly fighting and arguing w/her over nothing....it was weighing on me mentally, physically and emotionally. the worst thing I did to myself was settle for less when I deserved way more and when I was giving way more. it happens to the best of us I know but at that point I believe in my heart we all know it’s going nowhere but cause of comfort and content we persist on forcing a “fake love” that makes neither person happy, just miserable.

w/that being said I was fairly happy when the love was actually love but when it turned to lust I was depressed, my anxiety skyrocketed and I never felt good enough. I brought myself down a lot to appease or to decrease arguments but to no avail as they would ensue regardless of what I did. I say those things not to pity myself but to highlight how much of pity party I was throwing myself at the time....I was hopeless thinking I'd never love again cause that one didn’t work out. I was hurt of course but I was also borderline bitter cause of the things that happened afterwards. at times I acted less than my age and even got out of character but I can’t apologize for my actions cause they were how I really felt at the time. eventually I would see that instance paved the way for so many better things I couldn’t come close to being mad or upset w/the relationship outcome anymore. you might wonder all this sounds good but what the fuck does have to do w/being happy bout falling out of love? lol well it actually foreshadows how much I began to love myself more but also my ways/flaws/awkward moments. the person I had once envisioned myself marrying, like wearing bands and everything (if you know me you know I don't do rings or marriage for that matter lol), starting a new life w/became just another person to me before the end of 2017. as time passed after our original break in 2015 and somewhat of trying again last spring it was quite apparent that one big thing had changed: me. I wasn't the same Dee... I wasn’t putting up w/the same shit I had before and I wasn’t allowing her to treat me any kind of way. I had actually grown up (a little) and matured in the time we were apart and she had stayed the same really....her mindset/mentality was no different than before it showed in all our conversations. I was moving into a bigger part of my life and jumpstarting a promising career and she was holding on to a time that no longer existed. it’s impossible to date or rekindle anything w/someone that won’t allow themselves to grow and also won’t change their mentality cause they're set in their ways. at that moment it clicked in my head like a lightbulb that she def was not “the one” and def wasn’t the one for me...but I tried again cause I had things I needed to say and to finally get closure. but as time went on and our conversations slowed down I realized there was really nothing else I wanted from her, not even an apology or coming to Jesus moment, I wanted nothing but to be done w/her. that’s when I knew I had reached my limit...I had done all I could w/her and I wasn’t and didn’t wanna continue to go any further w/her. at that point I was comfortable coming to terms w/that and telling her, I had nothing to lose or gain really lol. I was just ready to get back to being the best Dee possible and focusing on myself w/o the extra shit.

so here’s the part you read or skimmed for lol....how could falling out of love possibly be good? well now answering that question is easier than it’s ever been. I fell out of love w/someone who was toxic in more ways than one and also toxic to herself. loving and caring for someone that only sees the negative in every situation is purposely holding on to you to support their negative spree, they need a positive person to feed off. that’s where I was...I was moving forward in life, growing within myself and really working on becoming a better me in good/bad situations. whereas she was stuck in a mentality/mindset that was so frustrating it would bring the calmest person to rage. she was filled w/bitterness, a bit of resentment and just plain mean. I’ve always said people that complain just because and constantly have negative shit to say don’t want to be happy. it’s THEM! they don’t really wanna be happy because they’ll find a reason to discredit why the happiness is occurring then find ways to sabotage it due to overwhelming insecurities. realizing she wasn’t brining me no good vibes I assessed the situation. doing that made hella easy to see that it wasn’t me nor my ways but it was her. it was her mentality, her negativity. her attitude. at that point she was truly poisoning me more than ever. in a lot of ways I'm happier than ever that we didn’t work out and that she was blowing me off....not too many people are selfish enough to show their TRUE colors to the same person twice but she was. She showed me things in myself that could never waiver cause of one person holding you back...she was a victim and I was tired of being the abuser. 

as heartbreaking and deep as it sounds letting go was much easier the second time than the first. the first I was stuck in love and couldn’t find my way out of my feelings, I was hurting myself by constantly replaying my wrongs. the second time was a bit different..we were different people on the exterior but she was the same on the inside. I saw different things in her, I saw uglier ways than I wanted to and ultimately I saw someone that was more selfish than ever. so falling out of love was easier than I would've thought. in a lot of ways she pushed me away and she honestly forced me to see her for who she truly was. love is a blessing and a curse at the same time.  

love is so fuckin amazing man I would never blame love as the reason things didn’t work out. I fell out of love cause it allowed to love myself way more than I ever have. not only that it gave me the freedom and confidence to truly fall in love w/ME. in the midst of all the was going on I was showing love to everybody but myself. investing in self love/self worth is top five greatest things I've done so far. because I started loving myself better than ever it was easier than ever to fall out of love. falling out of love was the best thing that happened to me and I couldn’t be more grateful..