#they’re about to fight the big evil bad guy they’ve been chasing since the beginning

[okcoolthanks]

“I send him skibidi toilet”

“Do NOT send him skibidi toilet every episode will be downloaded directly to his brain you canNOT”

[yet-another-saberface]

Story Headcanons: Orleans (Prelude - Section 2)

This was actually very interesting for me to write, since as I went on, I found more and more that it felt natural for Eva to be passive. At first I wasn’t sure why this felt so right, until I realized that I was having Eva dissociate herself from the present circumstances. While this isn’t a fic - so you don’t really have access to every thought going through her head, I hope that that comes across in this, even though I don’t have much personal experience with dissociation caused by past trauma.

That said, this is a relatively slow start a singularity, but I hope you guys enjoy it! I got it done a lot faster than expected, but I can’t say for sure when the next part will be done... Let’s just get to it!

Prelude

We should all be thankful that it is Fou who has taken it upon itself to wake Eva up, because if it was literally anyone else, she would likely be having a minor panic attack once again. After all, dreaming of evil Servants and people being burned alive is… Unnerving, to say the least. But she wakes up to Fou, meaning that Eva immediately tucks every disturbing theory about that dream away for later in favor of thinking about how damn adorable Fou is.

When Mash comes in, she’s surprised that Eva says she slept really well. While that’s not entirely true, since Eva was having to put up with what she’s classified for the moment as nightmares, she did go to sleep and wake up at reasonable hours for once, which is unusual. When Mash remarks that she’s glad Eva is finally getting sleep, Eva merely responds by saying that anyone with half a brain would sleep the night before they’re supposed to time travel to save the world.

Unlike many other times Eva’s had to sit through explanations, she pays extremely close attention to the entire briefing, wanting to make sure she doesn’t miss a word. She may be a theory expert, and she may have interrogated everyone she could about how Chaldea’s systems work, but there’s still room for her to screw everything up. Lucky for her, the rules around travelling to the singularities are a lot looser than normal rules for time travel that have been proposed in theory - this is because singularities will dissipate after you take away the source, which in this case is the Grail. Knowing that, Eva takes that as a permit to do whatever the hell she needs to so long as she gets the Grail out, which takes quite a bit of weight off her shoulders. Now she doesn’t have to worry about accidentally killing someone that needed to live in order for all of human history to proceed as normal.

She’s a bit concerned at the prospect of having to summon within the singularity - since there might not be catalysts, and she might be forced to do a normal summoning again - but she’s assured that if the summoning circle is properly established, she should be able to tap into the FATE system as smoothly as she does at Chaldea. Upon learning this, that concern promptly vanishes. Eva returns to being all determination.

We’re actually going to assume that Eva had been introduced to Da Vinci before this moment, since on our timeline it’s been at least a week or two in between singularities, and Eva spent a good few days of that time in the command room, not sleeping. There’s no way she hasn’t met Da Vinci yet. She accepted Da Vinci’s physical appearance really quickly, especially after hearing the reasoning behind it. To her, it makes perfect sense that a Heroic Spirit, given the chance, would choose their ideal appearance as their form when summoned. Also, for our purposes, we will be using female pronouns for Da Vinci. (I reblogged a post about trans characters in Fate recently that offers a basic explanation of why I will stay firm in this decision.)

She’s very grateful to actually have a coffin for rayshifting this time, to say the least. The last thing she wants is for there to be a mishap and for her to die in the process. So she hops in there without hesitation and and rayshifts away to save humanity.

Section 1: Land of the Hundred Years’ War

This time, Eva’s reaction upon safely rayshifting is not to panic. She’s once again glad to find that Fou tagged along - even if it means having one more life to protect along the way. And she’s very grateful that it appears they’ve landed in a very peaceful area this time - the seemingly endless rolling fields is a welcome change from everything being on fire. It doesn’t hurt to breathe, the breeze makes sure that the sunlight won’t cause her to overheat, the sky is gorgeou- The sky.

And… There’s a big ring of light in the sky. That’s not normal. However, without concrete proof on what it is, she can’t even begin to try to trace it back to anything she already knows about. Even Roman admits that he doesn’t have any real idea, which isn’t very helpful.

There it is again. She’s forgetting something. If she could just remember it she’d know what’s going on. But she can’t remember… Why can’t she just remember?

She does her best to not focus on how annoying that is, snapping back to the moment as she and Mash begin the trek towards the nearest civilization… If there is any. Fortunately, they do run into what appear to be humans - French soldiers, to be exact. She’s glad that there are humans this time around, but still warns Mash about trying to interact with them at all. They don’t know what’s going on here yet. And they don’t exactly look like they’re of the era. There’s a fairly high chance that they won’t be able to negotiate.

Sure enough, they end up having to fight them. Eva is already sick of this. It clearly wasn’t that we aren’t speaking French. We should have just avoided them in the first place. I told you we should have just not tried to approach them…

Of course, she does make sure to check in with Mash after they get out of there, since every fight leaves both of them at risk of further injury. She was fortunate enough this time to not have to do anything that put her at risk… But the same can’t be said for Mash. Things seem to be okay, though.

Why the hell would they think following them is a good idea? They just fought them. That’s a horrible idea. But she’s also not in charge, so the least she can do is follow orders and try to mitigate potential damage.

Section 2: Chase the French Soldier

Upon reaching the fort, the sheer amount of injured immediately sends Eva’s mind into overdrive. The war is supposed to be having a respite at the moment. Yes, the possibility of there still being skirmishes is still there, as Mash points out, but this doesn’t look like the result of skirmishes. Skirmishes leave people with mostly minor injuries that’ll heal, at worst, in a month or two, given the time period. Maybe some people get major injuries. Skirmishes don’t leave a fort crippled like this. Skirmishes don’t put soldiers on such high alert that they attack the second there’s even a tiny chance of a possible threat. Yes, she and Mash look strange, but they weren’t displaying hostile behavior. If the war was truly in respite… Wait. What if the war isn’t in respite?

Lucky for them, the soldiers don’t attempt to attack this time around, and her theory is confirmed, be it while bringing in another complication. There was no peace treaty, and therefore no respite. But that’s because the king got killed by evil Jeanne d’Arc. While England having retreated is good - less enemies to deal with - she starts worrying very intensely upon hearing all of this. She knew history would be screwed with but this is more than that. This is history being warped so badly that it’s almost unrecognizable.

And then there’s another attack, seemingly out of nowhere. Great. At least they didn’t provoke this one. And oh great more skeletons look at that. Kill those, make sure everyone’s okay, done. How many times is she going to have to do this? At least fighting actual servants is well… Interesting. Dangerous, but it requires a lot more thought than just bashing piles of bones.

Eva is actually somewhat skeptic about the Jeanne situation. Her coming back from the dead is something she can believe, after all, Servants exist. But for her to come back and actively attack France? That just doesn’t seem right. Heroic Spirits record heroes at their best, or what they’re remembered for. Jeanne is remembered as a saint, as a savior of France. It doesn’t add up. And then there’s the change in physical appearance the soldier mentions…  It could be linked back to it, but it could also be a dead giveaway that this isn’t actually Jeanne, but rather someone posing as Jeanne. Or Jeanne was corrupted in some way, like what happened in Fuyuki. But the circumstances here seem very different, so that’s less likely.

It doesn’t matter what the truth is, all of those are bad, and they need to save France regardless of which it turns out to be.

And then there’s the wyverns. Those… Should not be there. So let’s make them not there. At least they aren’t skeletons. Of course… They fly. That’ll make things difficult. But she can manage-

And oh great another person showed up. Not a person. A Servant. On their side. Well that certainly happened faster than last time. The stress Eva’s was feeling dies down a little at the prospect of more allies. This is a bad situation, but at least something good has happened.

And then the fight actually starts. It’s… Surprisingly short. Between the soldiers, Mash, and the other Servant, she barely has to do anything other than give orders and heal the wounds afterwards. She doesn’t know how to feel about that. Either those wyverns weren’t all they were cracked up to be, or Mash is just stronger and better prepared than she was in Fuyuki. She’d like to think it’s the second option.

Mash gets her to genuinely giggle with the mention of attacking Roman as revenge for the sweets. It’s funny to think about but well… Probably not the best idea. She might laugh, but she’ll also be sure to tell Mash that she doesn’t think it’s necessary. Of course, if Mash wants to take it upon herself… She’s free to do so, provided she doesn’t kill Chaldea’s director.

And look at that it’s Jeanne. At this point Eva really doesn’t feel like she’s… You know. There. She feels like her body is there, but mentally, she’s not. She’s not back at Chaldea either. She’s not back in the normal world. Her mind is just… Observing. It all feels foggy, like she’s drifting in a void, and just going along with what other people say because she doesn’t feel like fighting back. She doesn’t feel like being there. The last time she was there, she got hurt. The last time she really fought, it only made things worse. There’s no harm to going with Jeanne. She doesn’t seem hostile right now. It’s the only lead they have.

We’ve got tags!

@contractgreen @panyum @withanina @campanulabell @delfinaschiffer @princessaslan @armageddon25 @patproductions @xviicprc @eldritch-flowers @rankeluck @areeta9 @bitter–edge @uncommoncritter @blackcherrybombbomb @bluefiren7 @dtgvxg​ @velkiibo​

[mattzerella-sticks]

An idea for a DC comic book

So I was thinking about superheroes and teams and DC Comics, and I’m not sure if there’s a team that is exclusively made up of LGBT+ superheroes. Which got me to thinking of “if I could make a team that was strictly queer, what would I choose?”

And I have two answers, really. A wish (if DC would let me get my hands on a few characters and make head canon into regular canon) and a practical.

Wish:

1) Harley Quinn

2) John Constantine

3) Kaldur’ahm

4) Bunker

5) Steel (Natasha Irons)

6) Guy Gardner - WISH because I think given recent storylines they can easily transition him into being pansexual

7) Wonder Woman

8) and... the Flash - again, WISH, because even though I know Barry Allen is bisexual in my heart DC will never pull the trigger, Piglet.

My practical team would be the same except instead of Guy and Flash it would be the Ray and we’ll leave it at 7. But why is there 8 in the wish? Because since it is a wish I have more of a drive to craft a story around it lol. And it goes... a little something like this.

A magical rock flies down from space and encounters, first, Harley Quinn. Basically the first issue would be her trying to get rid of it until finally she grabs it and gets teleported to where John Constantine was performing an exorcism. So it continues like that, with the rock leading them to where they collect their rag-tag team selected by the magical flying rock. Whether out on San Francisco bay or to a bus stop in a random city or to a big lap with robots. But as they’re going through this they try and piece together what they all have in common and why the rock is choosing them (*hint hint* it’s because they’re gay *hint hint*) so by the time they get to Natasha they figure it out.

So the next place they teleport to is Oa. Where they are surrounded by Green Lanterns. Two zip forward, recognizing them. It’s Kilowog and Hal Jordan. They tell the assembled that this rock is collecting heroes and Hal butts in “Well then it must be here for me!” “Oh so you’re gay?” “What!” “I can definitely see it...” leads to Hal floundering and doing that, “I’m not... but it’s not like I’m saying it’s a bad things blah blah blah” it flies off and finds Guy Gardner at his bar and Hal is surprised; “Yeah,” Guy says, “I... I’ve been trying to figure out a way to come out with it - since I’ve been sitting on this for awhile...” but he agrees to join and they get zapped to the Hall of Justice.

Harley thinks she knows exactly who it is and races to find Wonder Woman. Gets stopped, but she explains her case and Wonder Woman is moved to accept. However, before she can grab it, it flies away and they all chase after it. Finding the glowing rock circling... Barry Allen. “Diana! Do you know what this thing is?”

Basically the first adventure will also serve as Barry coming to terms with his own sexuality (that he didn’t realize at first, let’s say because he ignored it - similarly to the Iceman reason - because he already felt ‘weird’ enough). So at the beginning he’s like “it has to be a mistake.” Anyway he grabs it on accident and they all (Wonder Woman included) get transported to an alien planet.

The seven are part of a prophecy (not Wonder Woman) to help free a group of people from an evil dictator and restore the rightful ruler and allow love to live freely. And throughout the adventure they grow closer and after saving Mikaal Thomas (a Starman) they decide to stay together - sort of as an LGBTQ alliance within the Justice League. Harley chooses the name - “Champions of Love!” and it’s cheesy but they don’t fight it.

And we see Wonder Woman and Harley bonding; we get more Natasha Irons (which we need); maybe Kaldur and Miguel become a thing; Guy and John Constantine become BEST FRIENDS (and fuck buddies because come on) and Barry starts exploring a part of himself he didn’t allow himself to (which is like ‘I’ve been spending so much of my time thinking about what I can do but not about who I am’) and different LGBT heroes can guest star in adventures (and become members, Harley makes laminated ID cards) and what not. And reintroduce characters who we haven’t seen in a while and...

I just have a lot of ideas and DC should hire me, I know they’ve got an opening because Dan Didio’s gone lol.

[jq37]

The Report Card – Fantasy High Sophomore Year Ep 6

The Fall of Fabian Seacaster

OK, let’s do this.

We pick back up with Kristen and Riz who are still outside Garthy’s room. Kristen’s Detect Good and Evil from last week pings Garthy as well as the general aura of the Golden Gardens which is protected in the way a sanctum sanctorum would be but with celestial energy. Riz and Kristen improvise a not super cogent plan that involves ribbon dancing and knocking over barrels before Riz just decides to cut to the chase and ask Garthy’s guards to send for Sandra-Lynn. Once she comes out (still looked sexed up and pretty annoyed) they’re not quite sure what to ask her and Riz wants to bail but Kristen (who has cast Zone of Truth, tried to muscle into Garthy’s house, and gotten smacked down physically by Sandra-Lynn) says that she’s worried about Sandra-Lynn because she’s “not poly but [she’s] acting poly.” Being directly called out is enough to snap Sandra-Lynn out of it (and to think about Fig’s reaction) so she agrees to get her stuff and come back to the gang’s suite.

Meanwhile, Fabian is hanging out with Bill’s cult of 20-ish warlocks. They’re all super glad to see Fabian--who they assume has been sent by Bill to help them--and they want him to regale them with the tale of how he slew his father in battle. Fabian tells them the story which, as you all know, isn’t a story about besting his father in a hard-fought battle so much as it is about a story about bittersweet mercy killing. They are less than impressed, especially considering they want Fabian to defeat Captain James Wicklaw who has promised to kill all of Bill’s followers. Ego stung, Fabian says that he may not have bested his father but he did (help) kill a dragon and, more importantly, he’s gonna lead them into an ambush against Captain Wicklaw (who he sees, presumably looking for him, with 30 men).

Oh boy.

Fabian telepathically alerts the Hangman that he’s about to get into a big fight before slamming down a door and full-out attacking Captain Wicklaw. He’s able to get a good couple of attacks in and Wicklaw misses his first couple of attacks but then Fabian fails an intelligence save with a Nat 1 and gets stunned while Wicklaw tries to open his skull and eat his brain.

Meanwhile with the rest of the Bad Kids, the Hangvan alerts Gorgug that the Hangman has sped off and everyone assumes Fabian is in trouble. They all do their best to get to him as quickly as possible and, even though these scenes are intercut with Fabian’s I’m going to summarize them all at once:

Fig (w/ Gorgug in tow) Dimension Doors as close to the Hangman as she can. Then, Gorgug has the idea to try the classic pirate move of grabbing a rope, cutting the weight, and instantly flying to where on the ship you want to go. They try that and begin flying towards Fabian at terminal velocity, both dislocating their arms. Fig passably disguises herself as Jemina Joy (even with quadruple disadvantage) and tries to get a wizard to teleport her to where Fabian is but they’re going way too fast for anyone to hear her. Gorgug (also with quad disadvantage) tries to throw a hand axe and, on a nat 1, almost cuts the rope they’re swinging on.

Gilear is fully passed after a back-slap from Fig.

Adaine casts fly on Riz (because his rogue speed means he can make the most use of it) so he can go get Garthy to see if they have any teleport spells. Then, she gets on Baxter with Kristen and Sandra-Lynn (plus Tracker who follows in spectral wolf form). Kristen tries to bring up Sandra-Lynn’s relationship stuff again and Adaine casts Tasha’s Hideous Laughter on her. Adaine tries to pull from the jacket to get something to help her get to Fabian faster and she gets a Razor scooter.  

Ragh drives the Hangvan towards Fabian’s.

Riz finds Garthy who takes him to a room, pops out neon angel wings, and does some kind of teleport spell that almost seems like it moves the space closer to them rather than the reverse.

But, none of this really matters because Brennan says none of them will be able to make it to Fabian before 22 rounds of combat. Woof.

Still in the first round of combat, 2 of the warlocks manage to hit Wicklaw and break Fabian out of his grapple (right after Wicklaw says that he’s eaten many of Fabian’s siblings but let’s put a pin in that because we have so much to get through here). Fabian declares that all spells are on him for the remainder of the fight (which is maybe the last funny thing he says all night). Then, 6 of the 20 warlocks on Fabian’s side die to gunshots from Wicklaw’s men. Fabian sends his men forward then falls back and attacks with his crossbow. Wicklaw mocks him for abandoning his crew so viciously that I feel like he should have spontaneously taken a level in bard. Brennan rolls for the ten still living pirates who never got names and only one survives. Then he rolls for the named pirates (Alistair and the three I haven’t mentioned yet because this episode is A Lot--Chungle-Down Bim, Old-Young Benjamin, and Creaky McBarrel) and only Creaky dies. In two rounds, Bill’s cult is down to four (plus one guy who peaced out after Fabian said he didn’t actually brutally murder his dad).

Fabian’s tactical retreat shakes the confidence of everyone but Alistair who stays loyal (even as he gets wrecked on his next attack on Wicklaw). Chungle-Down Bim is so disgusted by Fabian’s cowardice and performance that he tries to Eldritch Blast him and misses. He says, “Yeh ain’t no pirate and Bill would spit in yer eye.” Fabian has to hold back tears. He, with a heartbreaking mix of trepidation, reluctance, and resolve, asks if there are any ropes he can use to escape. Roll a perception check. He does.

Natural 1.

Sure, Brennan says. There’s a rope that looks like it will 100% guaranteed hold Fabian’s weight. Fabian goes for it--leaving behind a stunned and crushed Alistair--and finds that it’s actually a clothesline. He goes plummeting down a quarter-mile towards the ground but, before he actually hits, he hits a bunch of other ropes and, on his last possible chance, is able to save from splatting and taking max fall damage. Lou opts to take some damage anyway because he’d feel like he was cheating otherwise.

The rest of the group shows up through their various means and all immediately assume that Fabian got jumped. Fabian is meek in a way we’ve never seen before. I’m talking Adaine with Jawbone in Prompocolypse meek. He doesn’t tell them what happened and he answers all the questions with short yesses or no’s as much as possible. The healers heal him (plus Fig and Gorgug) up and take him back to the suite. The Hangman asks if he’s alright. “No Hangman,” he says. “It’s all bad.” Cathilda brings him kippers but he feels like he doesn’t deserve them.

Garthy has a little tete-a-tete with Fig about their tryst with Sandra-Lynn. Garthy is all about getting down but not if that person is in a monogamous relationship (even though they’re against them on principle). Fig (who has been avoiding her mom since the top of the ep) says she’s only mad at Sandra-Lynn (she says Sandra-Lynn, not Mom--oof) since Garthy didn’t know better. It just sucks that this happened to Jawbone. Jawbone as in Jawbone O'Shaughnessy? asks Garthy. Turns out he’s visited (many times) and they’ve boned (super hard) which, honestly, totally tracks.  

Because she didn’t get a full night of sleep, Tracker can’t keep the Moon Haven spell up all night which isn’t great. Kristen can also gather than she’s too tired to remember anything that happened earlier in the night (ie: things about Sandra-Lynn and Jawbone). Fig, concerned that she might get mind controlled again without the Moon Haven up asks Adaine to tie her up (this actually happens before the above conversation with Garthy).

Sleeping arrangements are Fabian, the Hangman, and Riz as a bodyguard in one room and everyone else in another. Adaine trances a little early so she can regain her spells and be awake in case anything happens. Brennan makes everyone do wisdom saves. Kristen and Adaine roll high and Adaine gives her TWO (2) NAT 20 portent rolls to Fig and Gorgug. That leaves Riz and Fabian, but we’ll get to them in a minute.

Adaine wakes up from her trance and she sees Ragh get up early as well. He says he’s going to get some food. Adaine, vigilant as ever asks Ragh who his first kiss was. Ragh acts confused for a second, and then screeches and attacks her, waking everyone up. He’s been dominated. Adaine goes for a Tasha’s Hideous Laughter and subdues him. Also Fig is able to escape Adaine’s magical ropes so maybe she’s not the best person to do that next time.

Meanwhile, Fabian is having a nightmare. He dreams of Wicklaw trying to eat his brain and Chungle-Down spitting in his face and his betrayal of Alistair. He sees the ghosts of the warlock  cultists entering hell and his disappointed father. And then, he’s approached by a man. A man with a familiar, non-threatening sounding, yogurt-offering voice. Fabian, like Adaine before, feels very strongly that if he looks at this man’s face, something terrible will happen but he does take the offered yogurt and agrees to go with him without looking at him. He’s taken to a lovely, sunny, kind of museum area dedicated to Bill Seacaster. Fabian thinks it’s very nice but he starts to notice that though there are many pictures of Bill and Hilariel, there are none of him. He asks why. The man says that Fabian needs to look at him. Fabian is hesitant. The man says that Fabian really needs to look at him. The yogurt in Fabian’s stomach curdles, weakening him (and me because yogurt grosses me out on the best of days and this is not the best of days). The man turns Fabian’s face to look at him and Fabian finds himself looking at a doughy, middle-aged Fabian Seacaster. He laughs hysterically and Fabian wakes up, plunged into the sea.

Elsewhere, Riz wakes up in his room. Fabian is gone, he’s paralyzed, the Hangman has been stabbed through by Fabian’s sword and is leaking oil, and Kalina is sitting on his bed. She was able to get in with the Moon Haven spell down. She speaks to him unsettlingly casually. She sounds almost friendly as she demands Riz and his friends stop looking for the Nightmare King’s crown on the pain of their lives. Riz, a grizzled old knight to his core like all of Murph’s characters, can’t wrap his head around why she would be doing this. It’s simple. Power. She psychologically toys with him, saying that Riz throws himself into his cases (which she seems to know quite a bit about) to distract himself from how sad he is about his dead dad. Then, she says that Fabian is in massive danger and if Riz doesn’t play ball (pun not intentional but it’s staying in), he’ll die. Riz assumes she knows where the Nightmare King’s crown is and she asks why he’s sure she knows which makes him think she actually doesn’t know. Riz, who sleeps with his sword because he’s rightfully paranoid, uses it to Misty Step outside but he’s still paralyzed so he just hits the ground and breaks his arm.

Kalina meets him outside, tells him Fabian is long gone, and tries to bargain with him: information about his dad for information about what he knows. Riz counter-offers that he’ll tell her about where the Nightmare King’s crown is if she guarantees his friends’ safety. She doesn’t care about the crown. She wants to know what Riz knows about her. Riz agrees (to save Fabian) and tells her everything he knows except that he withholds the information about Adaine’s mom being involved and tries to withhold the information he got from Ragh but he accidentally gives himself away without saying Ragh’s name. That’s enough for her to put two and two together though and she leaves to kill Ragh’s mom.

Back in the sea, Fabian has to make three Constitution checks. He rolls two nat 20s in a row for the first two and is rescued two flying imp monsters (presumably sent by Kalina) who drop him off at the edge of town. Fabian, absolutely destroyed, rips off his eyepatch and takes off his Owlbear jacket as he makes his way back. He rolls one last Constitution check. Nat 1. He’s got pneumonia. Cathilda shows up in the Hangvan to pick up Fabian.

The rest of the group is still shaken up by Ragh’s attack. They snap him out of it and someone gets Garthy. Post Riz’s encounter with Kalina, Ragh bursts in, devastated and says that someone from home called and said that his mom died. The whole group is immediately suspicious because--post Gorgug/Zelda debacle--they know they shouldn’t have signal. Ragh tries to call another number and all he hears is laughing on the other end. When Riz (healed up by Garthy) looks, he sees that his phone shows 5 bars for a second. Riz, Tracker, and Sandra-Lynn also see the flicker. Possibly illusion magic. Tracker and Garthy can also now suddenly see the Shadowcat in the picture (but it doesn’t seem like the rest of the Bad Kids can). Riz thinks Ragh’s mom is in serious danger but not dead yet.

Garthy has the idea to send the group to the Leviathan Library so maybe Adaine can learn a Sending Spell to communicate with their various parents and allies in Solace. They give Adaine a note that says to let the group safely use the library addressed to one Aida Aguefort.

Fig checks in with Sandra-Lynn to see if maybe she was under the influence of something more malevolent than alcohol when she cheated. Sandra-Lynn cries, and admits that she just F’d up but that they should deal with the problem at hand for now and that’s where we end, with the bulk of the group en route to the library.  

Detention

Fabian for Everything

Oh Fabian.

Fabian, Fabian, Fabian.

I don’t think I have ever seen a series of events so driven by a single character’s careless actions.

Truly, almost every single bad thing that happened in this episode can be traced directly to Fabian losing his entire chill at the worst possible time.

All those warlocks, dead (And Alistair either dead, seriously hurt, or set on the path to show back up with a vendetta later on down the road).

Because Tracker didn’t get her 8 hours, she couldn’t do the Moon Haven properly which is why Ragh got mind-controlled, the Hangman got stabbed, and he got brain-jacked and dumped into the ocean.

It’s why Kalina got to Riz. It’s why Lydia’s in danger.

And it wasn’t just that what he did was dumb, it was also completely unnecessary. There was no plot reason for what he did and he wasn’t forced into it. It was a completely character driven decision and it was bad, y’all. It was pretty much an absolute fail parade.  

Honor Roll

Brennan and Lou for Absolutely Stellar Roleplay

Everyone had their moments this episode.

Siobhan and Zac made some clever choices. Ally brought some needed levity. Emily subtly continued her emotional threads about Fig’s relationship with her mom and her distress over her actions while mind controlled. And Murph had that absolutely stellar scene in the back half of the back half of the ep with Kalina.

But Brennan and Lou 100% carried this episode.

Brennan is such a good DM that I feel like it’s almost easy to take for granted. Like, if you visit a town, you’re gonna talk about how how cool the shops, and food, and events were. Not about how well the roads are paved. But if the roads are all janky and potholed and stuff then it’s a big issue.

This episode clearly took a major turn from whatever was supposed to happen but Brennan deftly kept pace with all of Fabian’s wild choices and made sure the roads were paved before he got there.

So much of this episode was just Brennan talking to one other person (Fabian and then Riz during the Kalina scene) and he nailed all of it. The disgust from Chungle-Down. The betrayal from Alistair. The concern from Cathilda. The quiet but sinister lilt of Nightmare Fabian. And the affable, dispassionate, Just Business evil from Kalina.

And Lou. Everything Fabian did this episode was an extremely bad idea but it is exactly what Fabian would do in the situation. Lou played him completely consistently, even when it clearly pained him to do so. 

When Lou rolled a nat 1 on his perception check for an escape rope, Brennan essentially handed him a fully loaded gun and said shoot yourself, and Lou grit his teeth and he did it.

Mad respect to both of them for keeping the tension and gravity going for a full three hours basically. That was lightning in a bottle. D&D is an amazing game.

Random Thoughts

I know there’s a significant chunk of the fandom that ships Riz and Fabian and, can I just say, RIP to y’all.

It really was narratively cool that we started out with the Sandra-Lynn plot in this crazy, over the top, comic scene and then ended with the quiet conversation between Fig and her mom on the same topic. It really was a through line throughout the episode without over-shadowing the main drama. This episode had a clear A and B plot just like a scripted show.

Also if Garthy is a powerful as Brennan is making them seem, wild that the NK and Kalina were able to bust through what is supposed to be super sanctified ground, especially since Tracker--a jr. cleric--has been keeping them at bay by herself.

Zac: This is a real Axford move.

Also Zac: I don’t understand what’s gonna happen if this goes well.

Riz and Murph Equally: We’re so stupid.

I think it’s funny how players in D&D tend to treat Zone of Truth like it forces them to spontaneously say things that are true rather than just preventing them from actively lying.

The kinda wild thing about how this whole mess started is that Fabian’s character development is part of why it happened. When he told the warlocks about the dragon and his dad, he gave everyone else their due credit, didn’t hog the spotlight, and didn’t lie/embellish the truth to make himself sound cooler. That in turn disappointed them which made him relapse into S1 Fabian who attacked Gorgug on the first day of school for absolutely no reason. I was actually going to give him major credit for that before he, you know. Made some other choices. He absolutely gushed about how cool his friends were and then invited exactly none of them to his terrible plan.

Lol at Lou being like, “I rolled to get Alistair to make a better speech?”

Bill’s cult of about 20 guys has collectively sent him like 350k gold. That’s insane! They’re all so poor!

Lou playing Fabian very confidently making an absolutely suicidal decision, and then surfacing to laugh hysterically for a full thirty seconds out of character about how he’s for sure gonna die, was such a mood. It was like Lou was being held at gunpoint by Fabian for the entire first half of the session.

Big props to Zac for trying to get everyone in on the action by suggesting the Hangvan would see that the Hangman was gone and let the group know.

OK, so now let’s talk about that line about Wicklaw having eaten many of Fabian’s siblings. Hoo boy. You know this episode was wild because that line was said and never followed up on. What might have been a headline in a different episode was a footnote in this one. No big surprise that Bill would have fathered a ton of kids. That pretty much tracks, as Adaine said last ep. I feel like this was something that was going to come up regardless, Fabian just forced it to be right then and there. This dude hates Bill so going after his kids seems like an obvious move (unless he’s bluffing I guess, but I doubt it). But, like, did Bill know about these kids? Was he fully ignorant? Willfully ignorant? Did they know they were Bill’s kids? Are there any left? Can Fabian please have a little pirate sister because I would love that so much you don’t even know.

You think Lou expected to say (loosely quoting), “I try not to cry in front of Chungle-Down Bim,” when he woke up that morning? Idk but I can tell you that I didn’t expect to hear it and feel strong emotions about it.

Chungle-Down Bim, which is short for Bimothy.

Lol, Brennan makes Emily rolls with Quadruple disadvantage and she still gets a 15 because she has a plus 11 to persuasion. No wonder she’s so quick to slam the disguise self button if there’s even a sliver of a chance it’ll work.

Adaine getting a useless Razor scooter on the way to try and help Fabian and then being like, “Well, I’m still gonna keep it,” was such a funny beat during the tenseness of that fight scene.

I need you guys to know that this is a mindflayer ability: Extract (Ex): An Illithid that begins its turn with all four tentacles attached and successfully maintains its hold automatically extracts the opponent’s brain, instantly killing that creature. Truly what was he thinking? You’re gonna eat his brain? Go ahead because he clearly isn’t using it!

You know the part of Princess Bride when Wesley is giving the “To the Pain” speech to Humperdinck? I feel like that’s what Brennan did to Fabian this episode. “Oh you think I’m going to kill you? No, that would be too easy. This fight is to the pain. You will watch your allies get slaughtered until you are forced to betray them or die. You will escape but in the most clownish fashion possible after breaking your most loyal ally’s heart. You will be beset by your concerned friends and forced to either own up to your horrible life choices or stew with them and lie by omission. You will be the reason your ultimate enemy is able to break in and attack your friends and you will be forced with your worst nightmare before being unceremoniously dumped into the sea. You won’t die. You’ll just wish you had.” Absolutely brutal.

Anyone else feeling a possible villain turn from Allistair? Dude’s a warlock so he’s already prone to dabbling in questionable power sources. And Fabian really did him dirty. I was hoping he’d at least get Kristen or Tracker to try to see if he was around anywhere for a heal but he just went into shellshock shutdown mode and they bounced. We didn’t see him die on screen so I feel pretty strongly that we’ll be seeing him again in some form.

Also, maybe I’m way off, but did you guys feel like Fabian missed a clear opportunity? I thought he was gonna ask his dad for help. Or, at least try and talk to him before the fight. Clearly it’s possible because the warlocks are doing it. Just pray for some infernal intervention or guidance or powers or something? Worth a shot when you’re in such a bad situation anyway.

Fabian never did tell the party what was going on. They all still think he was ambushed and forced into a fight somehow. I really can’t wait for the truth to come out. I wonder how long he’ll sit on that info. He better tell them before they fight Wicklaw again and they find out that way.

Every single player playing up their concern for Fabian and making a point to presume he was in the right and that it had been a wrong place/time situation to make him feel even more like garbage was *chefs kiss*.

The Hangman basically acting like a big metal dog and pressing itself up against Fabian to comfort him is weirdly adorable.

“Anyway, I’m gonna go get tied up.”/“What?”

Also I love Adaine’s reaction to being asked to do it. She’s like, “What? I mean, I’ll do it but, what?” Sidenote, Fig said she was gonna ask Riz as her first choice but that’s also a terrible choice! He has like a minus 2 strength modifier I think. Ask Gorgug!

Truly, the entire episode can be encapsulated in the fact that Siobhan was sitting there with two nat 20 portent rolls but sidelined and useless because Fabian decided to go completely rogue.

I have to give Adaine big credit for checking to see if Ragh was mind controlled because whenever I’m watching a show where a bad guy can shapeshift or possess people, I always think, “Why don’t they just have a codeword or something?” This is one of the few times I’ve seen it properly executed. Genre savviness saves lives people.

Fabian’s rolls really matched his decisions this week. It was like the dice were punishing him with all those nat 1s on crucial checks.

Also, Brennan being like, “You get pneumonia” was lowkey hilarious. Just like, insult to injury. What’s next? He’s gonna die on dysentery on the Oregon Trail?

I wonder if Fabian is considering chronomancy-ing this away? The thought for sure crossed my mind. Also, everyone was joking about everything being all a dream, but that’s something that could happen in this campaign without it being cheap because it’s been set-up that that’s the kind of bad guy they’re up against so I’m staying vigilant.

Ragh coming into the room and, voice cracking, announcing that his mom was dead cut me up so bad. And I thought it would be not as bad on my rewatch. Nope, still awful. I can’t believe I like him so much now. This is like a Steve from Stranger Things level turnaround for me. Also, the chat was absolutely blowing up when Murph was like, “I tell her everything,” without excepting Ragh’s info at first. Brennan is a nice DM for reminding him about that (despite the absolute ravaging of Riz and Fabian otherwise this ep).

Also gotta give a shout out to Murph this ep for playing Riz so well during the confrontation with Kalina. His steadfast, simple, “We can’t stop. It would be wrong. Fullstop,” mentality is so pure. Riz is such an interesting character. When he tried to withhold info, Murph said, “I have low deception.” That’s who Riz is. He’s a rogue with low deception. He’s sneaky but only in pursuit of justice. No guile at all. Kalina, who is as casual as he is wound up and amoral and he is knightly is such an interesting foil for him. I’m very intrigued to see how this develops.  

Like I said in the recap, Garthy and Tracker can now see Kalina in the picture, even though neither of them saw her when she broke in (that they know of) so the plot thickens there. I’d go into it more but I really don’t have any new theories off the top of my head and this was honestly the least of my worries re: this ep.

Also, she says that all of her abilities come from serving the NK, and she had the abilities since she was working with Pok so this doesn’t seem to be a new development. I will say though, based on the info the group got, I really thought she was gonna be a more ancient being, you know? Maybe it’s just a title and she’s just the latest tabaxi to serve him and get it? I dunno.

Truly the mood for this episode was dawning horror. Things just got progressively worse in new and interesting ways every single scene.

Speaking of, let’s talk about Fabian’s vision. First of all, Brennan did a great job real-time DJ-ing that scene. The switch to that creepy music was very unsettling. Second of all, the chat exploding when Brennan started doing That voice and everyone for a brief moment thought that maybe, Maybe, Gilear was the Nightmare King, was delicious. But, on to the important stuff: When this happened to Adaine, my guess was that if she had looked at figure, it would have been a representation of her anxiety which I think was like 65% correct based on what happened to Fabian. Her worst possible future for herself is probably herself ruled by anxiety to the point of uselessness so she would have seen that version of herself. Fabian’s worst possible future self is essentially Gilear. Which, on behalf of Gilear, ouch. But, yeah, I see why it would be. And, honestly, NK-Fabian was worse than Gilear. Gilear is pathetic, sure, but he’s pathetic in pursuit of his own goals. To be stuck in his dad’s shadow, devoid of any other purpose is the antithesis of Fabian’s whole making a name for himself thing and a sick twisting of his very real pride in his dad. It’s a real raw nerve to hit, especially right after his colossal failure that left him feeling unworthy of even his favorite snack.

I’m really glad Fabian looked at the face of his nightmare. Brennan pushed him a little (in that fantastically unnerving, cajoling yet demanding voice) but I think he would have done it anyway. Like, it’s good information for the team to have and, if anyone was gonna get hit, it made most sense for it to happen right then, when Fabian was already at basically his lowest point. Both Adaine and Fabian felt like something horrible would happen if they looked at their nightmare and I’m wondering if there’s a mechanical effect to that or if it’s just psychological. I feel like there might be some not yet revealed mechanical effect going on but, when your players are as devoted to the RP as Lou (who, again, asked to take damage from his fall even after Brennan was gonna let him off with just the shame) you can get away with just giving the character trauma and having the player hinder their own actions based on it.

Titles for this recap that I rejected include Actions and Consequences and Keyfish 2: Pirate Boogaloo (because the first part of this episode truly felt like the CritRole Keyfish incident but spread out over an hour and a half).

Yet another thing that would have been a headline item in another recap but is just a footnote here: Aida Aguefort. That’s gotta be a sibling, ex, or parent (in my order of probability). What is an Aguefort doing running a pirate library? Are they as chaotic as the other Aguefort? I think it would be very funny if Arthur is this dude in a high position in a “normal” town who is just feral and Aida is living on this insane pirate island but, like, a completely normal librarian.

Oh, speaking of Aguefort, Kalina called him out on his child soldier factory and, listen, I know she was just trying to hurt Riz but she doesn’t not have a point.

Kristen was able to discern that Tracker probably won’t remember what happened with Sandra-Lynn but I hope she keeps track of that info because if Tracker rolls high perception and finds out that she semi-willfully kept that information from her, she might be miffed.

Are all of Bill’s dead warlocks gonna work on his hell ship now? Didn’t they become warlocks specifically because they were bad at being pirates?

I notice the group didn’t wait for Fabian even after Riz presumably told them what happened. I also notice that Cathilda was able to find Fabian right away which is interesting.

Adaine solemnly Razor scooting at the front of the party towards the library is low key hysterical.

Fig better hope it doesn’t get back to Jemina that she was being impersonated.

Also, that plan was crazy but super not the craziest thing Emily has ever done and Brennan backed her up on that. He was like, “This is good. This isn’t Hilda Hilda,” which is where the bar is because Emily is crazy.

Fig: We’re gonna fail./Gorgug: We’re gonna die./Adaine: And, more importantly, we’re gonna fail school.

Riz’s “How about no dead friends,” one-liner was so good. Unfortunately, it didn’t do anything to stop his paralysis. Ouch.

I’m assuming Kalina was asking what he knew to see if there was anyone she needed to kill because they knew too much about her? Because, otherwise, it seems like unimportant info for her. I was thinking when it was happening that she needed him to give her that information so they could take it from him and he wouldn’t have it anymore, like in a weird Fae way, but that doesn’t seem to be the case. It’s probably just the simple thing.

Garthy doesn’t leave the Golden Gardens which is probably good for game balance. You don’t want to give the players a super powerful ally who has no reason not to help them at any given time. That’s rife for PC abuse.

I have to say, after last week, I was hoping we’d be done with the pirate stuff halfway through the ep and en route to Falinel but this was such a turn. I was saying to someone last week, it’s very tempting to try and predict where a D&D game is going by using typical narrative structure as a guide but that only halfway works because you really can’t account for the improvisational nature of it. I absolutely could not have guessed that this is what this episode would be and I’m glad.

Goes without saying, this ep totally snatched the crown for Most Heart Attacks Given To Me By BLM from Family in Flames.

“The game isn’t about what you plan; it’s about what happens,” sounds like a line from an inspirational Ted Talk, and not from a man who, minutes later, said that a pirate named Chungle-Down Bim wanted to use a teenager’s mouth as a toilet.

“I feel drunk from anxiety.” Same Ally.

You wanna know how many pages of handwritten notes I have for this episode? If you guessed 16, you’re right. And I was so into the ep, I forgot to keep track of crits, which is why I had to watch it a second time.

Emily proposing “felettes” as the feminine version of fellas.

“How many HP you at?”/”I’m not telling you.”

Just, the idea of this warlock drawing on Bill’s power to try and attack his son is so raw.

Brennan, being asked by Zac if he can help with Emily’s crazy plan: You absolutely may not and, in fact, take five points of damage.”

Siobhan: What do you have to lose?/Gorgug: *Rolls a nat 1 and almost severs the rope he and Fig are holding on to*

Garthy plays the harpsichord (I have in my notes harpsichord and not harp so I’m going with that) post-coital which is definitely a choice.

The shot of levity that Brennan injected between the big fight and the NK invasion by having Garthy know Jawbone was great. I knew it was coming as soon as Fig said his name, but the comic timing was still perfect. Apparently, Jawbone’s stories are crazy even by Garthy’s standards, which is wild.

Also funny, Fig being tied up as combat started. It didn’t end up making a difference but, at a certain point, when enough bad things have happened, piling more bad stuff on top just becomes funny like, yeah. Of course. That tracks.

Ally: Sleep when you’re dead, which might be this episode.

Riz and Gorgug (and Allistair) each roll one nat 1. Kristen rolls a nat 20. Adaine has 20s for both of her portent rolls (which she gives to Fig and Gorgug). And Fabian rolled an amazing 2 Nat 20s (in a row) and FIVE nat 1s.  

Edit: Oh, forgot to say! Next week there won’t be a game because Thanksgiving is happening in the States. Early Happy Thanksgiving for y’all in the U.S. who are celebrating. I’m thankful for a week off to recover after the ordeal that was this episode. 

[Footnote: This ended up cracking 6000 words, in case you’re wondering about the ways I choose to spend my time. Shoutout to y’all for reading these and justifying the dissertation length brain dumps my dumb, former English major brain compels me to produce for absolutely no good reason.]

[ghostmartyr]

SnK 118 Thoughts

Zeke gets shot, Falco gets a hug, everyone who makes sense is out of jail, and for a brief time, everyone is united in being perfectly fine fucking Marley right the fuck up.

Minus the characters who live there.

But all told, for the first time in months, it’s a happy chapter. :)

:)

:)

In a rare turn of events, I think I’m going to specifically aim to talk about things out of order. I say this with no real sense of how I usually construct these posts, I just make blanket assumptions about how they’ve probably gone in the past without corroboration.

SO WE’RE GOING TO TALK ABOUT CUTE KIDDOS HAVING FEELINGS AND BEING DUMB.

The ones who aren’t legal adults, to be clear on the definition of ‘kiddo’ as used here.

Falco.

Gabi.

You get to go back to the hellscape that is your brainwashed existence, I’m so happy for you both.

The complications of Falco and Gabi fighting so hard to return to a world that doesn’t give a damn about them are things that... honestly, I just don’t want to do that this month. It’s a disaster. Marley’s fucked. Paradis is fucked. No one cares about the right things. Every decision is going to blow up in everyone’s face.

But Falco gets a hug from his big brother.

The youngest characters we’ve followed through this are treated with kindness.

This whole chapter is a breath of relief in the sea of unending horrors that we’ve been dragged through to get here. More on the rest later, but for the moment, we’ve got the two little ones.

Nile doesn’t even hesitate to treat Falco as a child before an enemy.

In the outside world, a man Falco tries to help is scared of being touched by him because he’s an Eldian.

Sasha’s family is still worried about the two little Marleyans they picked up and lived with for a time.

After first contact, no one needs to tell Colt not to shoot Nile. He calls the man who hands his brother over “the enemy,” and is shocked by Gabi’s actions, but Colt runs with Gabi and Falco without looking back.

Nile doesn’t follow.

Nile’s the sort of man who looks at Falco and thinks this assault might be about saving a little boy.

Colt’s the sort of young man who thinks Falco being someone who might be affected by Zeke’s scream is somehow relevant to whether or not it happens.

This story, lately, has been relentlessly cruel.

Gabi and Falco run away from home on a suicide mission to avenge and protect their loved ones after they witness the ruthless destruction of their home. Gabi watches people trying to protect her get gunned down. Falco, the kind boy who delivers letters for a wounded soldier, is the spark that enables the entire tragedy.

They reach Paradis, end up in jail because no one knows what to do with them, escape, and have to live under the constant pressure of their guilt and worldview being challenged. The destruction of Reiner’s psyche that takes a sustained undercover operation over the course of years is inflicted on Gabi in weeks, and Falco has to watch the girl he likes suffer over crimes that he aided.

Gabi watches Falco help her over and over again, and when things really start crashing down, there’s not a thing she can do for him.

They’re separated from everything they know and everyone they love, and then each other.

They make their way back to each other.

The world looks at these two tiny, traumatized children, and refuses to let anything happen to them. The world takes Gabi’s hate and uncomplicated joy in being a good Warrior and deconstructs it with kindness. The world takes a little boy like Falco, who only ever tried to help people, and lets him find his brother.

The reveal of Falco being the one who helps Eren isn’t a mark of betrayal. It’s a shared bond of pain that comes from good intentions being unfairly manipulated by people who didn’t care to be kind.

So they’re at least kind to each other.

In a tiny pocket of all this violence, things aren’t complicated. There’s a little girl and a little boy, and they deserve safety. A child who grew up in an internment camp designed to manufacture and slaughter Eldian children dreams of a world where the girl he likes won’t die, and they’ll get married and be happy.

Falco has always been kind and stable to the point of parody, but that’s honestly fine. Good. That should be allowed to exist, even if it doesn’t make total sense. The good things should be allowed to survive.

Gabi’s arc here ends with the realization that her hurt isn’t all there is to the world. Other people--other sides have their own, and they aren’t evil for that. They aren’t devils.

Falco’s trip to Paradis ends with him finally confessing why he followed Gabi to begin with.

There is something so sweet to the way Falco describes it. I hope it’s a faithful translation, because it’s my favorite thing this series has done in some time.

It isn’t just about Gabi not dying. It isn’t just about her having a long life. It isn’t just about them getting married.

Falco’s dream is for the girl he likes to be happy forever. He likes her, but the core of his dream is that she’ll live as long as she wants, and she’ll be happy through all of it.

Nothing Falco has seen in this world should give him hope for any of that.

He hopes for it anyway.

And Gabi rips off his armband.

The Yeagerists’ perverse mirror of what Marley has always done to them--what Gabi has accepted into her life in her fierce chase of changing it--and Gabi rips it off.

Their world isn’t kind. It’s cruel, and harsh.

People are kind to them.

That’s the only thing that saves them.

Naturally, it’ll be devastating when the bad things keep on coming for them, and no, sorry, this is not their finale, it’s just the finale of all the potential happiness they can have, but for right now.

For right now, kids shouldn’t be on the battlefield. So everyone fighting tries to get them out of it.

Look.

Standards.

We spend time with characters with standards this chapter.

It’s. It’s so strange. What is this.

Also, the fact that our time is spent on this instead of letting Eren and Zeke touch makes me astoundingly nervous for what’s coming next. There are very. I don’t want to say few. Uh. There are, thanks to the Founding Titan, potentially many ways for things to end not poorly.

I would say the likelihood of any of them traveling smoothly is. nil.

For instance, the entire scheme Armin concocts to explain away Eren’s behavior in this! Sounds good, sounds nice. Sounds destructive, sounds impulsive. Sounds vaguely understandable by the horrifying standards we’ve come to expect.

Sounds okay. Ish.

Still involves Eren sparking a national incident that brings a big army into their island so they can kill them all using a destructive power we’re only kind of confident in him using safely.

With the side effect of all his friends being in the splash zone.

I realize that even Armin’s kind of on the fence on that making real sense, but it’s not a bad explanation for everything. Eren’s backed into a corner when Yelena does her reveal. He’s held hostage by it, but hey, by playing along, he’s found a way to make things okay.

Even in that elaborate AU Armin came up with on the spot--

--things remain less than good.

Unless we consider most of the MPs and other top brass, the majority of veterans, and assorted civilians turning into titans and possibly dying--unless we consider all of that a good thing.

There’s a school of thought where Eren can just magic touch everything back to Okay, but the levels of Not Okay being pounced in with reckless abandon are a bit. uh. geez, what’s the word...

Bad?

There is a very good chance that this is all very bad, and running might be in their best interests.

In the non-AU version, all of Eren’s friends are scrambling to keep him alive because he has fucked them all over so horribly that literally their only chance at not dying slow (or very fast), brutal deaths comes from protecting the fucker who fucked them over.

And Armin, realizing this, digs down deep to try and find some of that good ol’ fashioned Friendship Power to bullshit all of them into agreeing to this plan of attack for reasons beyond generously optimistic pessimism.

While kind of wondering if Eren maybe wasn’t kidding about killing everyone.

Armin’s whole role in this chapter is embracing a truth that he secretly thinks might be a lie so that his friends have a prayer of feeling positive about this fuckery.

You’re trying so hard, Armin.

I am so sorry for you.

And Connie.

Like, good grief. Falco gets a hug. Someone needs to give Connie a hug. There’s been a serious shortage of Connie hugs since Sasha died, and I realize how that works, but it should really go the other way around.

Realistically, I am so happy that Connie’s the one who’s at his breaking point. He’s always been a team player, and over and over, it turns out that the people he thought had his back weren’t on his team. He’s a simple guy. This is a simple problem.

So, simply, fuck everyone who has anything to do with it.

Connie is Best Boy.

Onyankopon’s okay too.

This is the meta commentary on Yelena qualifying as a serial killer that we deserve. She is so great. All of you new characters with your new disasters are so great.

It’s a little on the nose, because bless this series, it is not subtle about most things, but thank you Onyankopon for injecting some hecking positivity in this here jail cell.

The concept of a future has been humanity’s fight all along. A better world.

Then Paradis met the rest of the world, and was all, “o fuck.”

“o fuck,” has interlaced every inch of the plot in the current day. Whatever hope there was, Eren’s decisions in Liberio tarnished them, and the rise of the Yeagerists threw it into the trash.

This chapter is kind enough to bring it back.

This is what the heroes of this world do.

They look at the impossible odds, and choose to fight. Because to do otherwise means that this is the way the world stays. This is what they’re left with, and that is unacceptable.

We’ve strayed a bit from that point, lately. It’s a relief to have it back in plainspeak.

Then there’s Mikasa, and. Aaaaah.

Armin only truly starts championing the possibility that Eren can still be a force for good when Mikasa comes back to his words about her Ackerman blood. Really, I think he does it for both of them. He refuses to believe Mikasa’s life doesn’t belong to her, so Eren has to be lying, so things have to be salvageable.

Mikasa knows him too well. She knows there’s room for doubt.

She leaves her scarf behind.

Mikasa is someone of great principle. She has a deep sense of responsibility that has been present from day one. She takes charge of Eren. She takes charge of other recruits. She feels the weight of the entire world, and fights for it. Her focus on her family has never made the burdens everyone shoulders disappear in her mind.

I don’t think she has a better explanation for why she can’t let go of Eren than the one he’s provided.

He’s killed children. He, by Connie’s word, laughs when he’s told about Sasha’s death. He abandons them and runs off on his own, risking all of their lives. He spits hateful vitriol at them and throws them in prison, where they would have likely died without someone going behind his back.

How can wanting to protect someone like that be natural?

Her very first argument to Eren is that he wrapped the scarf around her. When the world went cold, he brought warmth and a home back to her.

How does that compare to what he’s done recently?

How could she feel warm at all when she just watched Eren murder people? How, when by his command, she killed for the first time?

She has a genetic predisposition to comply with something like that.

Doesn’t that make more sense than loving this monster?

Children are dead.

Eren killed them.

Her first instinct is still to protect him.

That can’t possibly be right.

Mikasa doesn’t defend monsters. She slays them. That’s who she is.

If she’s defending this one, there must be a reason. Something deeper than just loving her family with all her heart.

To which I’ll say, for my personal stance... sorry, Mikasa. Your love does run that deep. It’s always been at war with your principles. Protecting Eren and Armin at the expense of everything else has always put you in pain. Being willing to let Armin go during the Serum Bowl is almost as agonizing to her as watching him die.

Mikasa’s strongly held principles and strongly held love have always been in conflict, but in the background. In side remarks about overprotectiveness, interspersed with her guilt over what that overprotectiveness has led to.

Eren’s cruelty gives her the excuse.

Here’s how she can be both; one isn’t real.

Whether she fully believes it or not, it’s what makes sense, for a person like her. She shouldn’t still care so much for the fate of this monster. Caring so much is why Reiner is still alive. Caring so much is why Bertolt lived long enough to char Armin to a crisp.

Mikasa learns. Always.

She should be fast enough at taking down the monsters now that they can’t hurt anyone first.

In case I’m not putting this clearly enough, Mikasa is better than anyone in the history of ever, to the point that even she can’t believe how strongly she hold on to things.

And my last comment on the chapter is that Yelena and Armin’s song and dance continues to be firing at max cringe on every cylinder, one of you drop the pleasantries and pull a gun already.

It’s funny, but in the way Jean pretending to be a knife-wielding maniac is funny.

Just stab each other like normal enemies. Please.

So since things are hitting the boiling point here, I guess next month we’re doing a shift in perspective?

Levi and Hange try out their Super Mario 64 skills in not drowning. The results my surprise you.

Nothing good can come from any of this, but you know? Falco and Gabi got to be cute. Plus Colt and Falco hugged. It could and has been worse.

[duhragonball]

Dragon Ball Movie 1: Curse of the Blood Rubies

I wanted to cover the movies during this liveblog, so I decided the best way to do that was to try to do them as they came out alongside the episodes of the TV show.   Movie 1 premiered at the Toei Cartoon Festival on December 20, 1986, right after Episode 43 aired on television.   From what I read on Kaizenshuu.com, the idea was that Toei would run these film festivals when kids were on break from school.   So if you were a huge Dragon Ball fan in 1986, you could watch Episode 43 on TV, bug your parents to take you to see Movie 1 in theaters, and then catch Episode 44 a few days later.   But they were screening the Cartoon Festival for at least a few weeks after December 20, so I’m sure a lot of fans saw it later.   Anyway, I’m trying to replicate that general chronology. 

For my part, this was one of the last pieces of Dragon Ball anime I purchased, because it took years for an official Funimation dub to be released in the U.S.   For a long time, the rights to distribute Movie 1 and the first thirteen episodes of Dragon Ball in the U.S. were held up by KidMark, and Funimation didn’t secure the rights until about 2009 or so.   That was when they released the “Blue Brick” box sets, which included the first thirteen episodes, but not the movie.��  That wasn’t released until 2010.    So I’ve only seen this thing once before today.

Truthfully, I’m not a big fan of the movie, because it’s a sort of retelling of the original Dragon Ball storyline, only with a new villan and other new characters included.   Several later films would adopt this same formula, most notably “Path to Power” in 1996, but also the bootleg live action films “Dragon Ball: The Magic Begins” (made in Taiwan) and “Fight Son Goku, Win Son Goku” (made in Korea).   And “Dragon Ball Evolution” looks an awful lot like a retelling of the first 13 episodes of Dragon Ball, only with Piccolo as the villain and Chi-Chi as a love interest for Goku.     I get it, it’s a good story, and maybe it’s worth repeating, but I just read the original version a couple of weeks ago.    My favorite thing about Dragon Ball is how the story keeps expanding and moving in new directions, not rehashing the same stuff over and over.

We open with the Toei logo.   When you see this, you know some serious shit’s about to go down.  And the movie does start out with some really gorgeous visuals and animation, mostly setting up the concept of what the Dragon Balls are.

Then we start in the Land of Gurumes, where the local ecology is being ravaged by strip mining.    One little girl named Pansy tries to fight back by shooting a worker with a slingshot, and her father stands up to the royal guards when they try to punish her. 

But the king has stronger henchmen to keep guys like him in line.   Bongo, for example, isn’t interested in any sob stories about the EPA or sick children or whatever.   He thinks the rubies they’re digging up from the ground more than make up for whatever environmental damage is being caused.  Then he jumps in a car with his partner Pasta and they head back to the castle.

Is... Is that Kato?   Well, whatever, Bongo and Pasta report to King Gurumes that they’ve located another Dragon Ball, and he’s pretty pleased to hear that, since he’s starving to death.    According to his ramblings, only the tastiest food can satisfy his hunger, and he’s reached the limit of what the finest cooks and chefs and prepare for him.   If I’m understanding this correctly, once he eats something, it can no longer satisfy him ever again.    So he wants the Dragon Balls so he can ask Shenron to finally put an end to his hunger.   I’m not sure if he means a cure for his curse, or if he just wants to wish for the world’s most delicious food. 

Then we check in on Goku, who’s basically playing out the same story we’ve seen before.   He catches a fish, Bulma hits him with her car motorcycle, but this time, there’s a plane landing in Goku’s backyard.   Goku notices Bulma’s Dragon Ball, and she explains it to him, and then she realizes that whoever’s in the plane is trying to take the Dragon Ball Goku has at his house.  

By the time they arrive, Pasta and Bongo have already left, and they’ve dropped off a gold coin, apparently as payment for Gokus’ Dragon Ball.  Bulma whips out a plane of her own to give chase, and while she manages to take out Pasta’s Dragon Radar, they still get shot down, and Pasta and Bongo get away.  

Bulma and Goku continue their search by car, and they happen to drive by Pansy, who is being menaced by Oolong.   Bulma sees to Pansy while Goku chases Oolong away, but this leads them straight into...

...Puar, and his sidekick Yamcha.   Wait.  

Yamcha and Goku fight, just like they did in the TV seres, but with a bigger animation budget, and then Bulma shows up and Yamcha falls off a ledge, knocking out one of his teeth.   

Later, Bulma and Pansy compare notes in a mobile home.  I assume it’s Oolong’s, since it’s like the one he had in the original story, but Bulma never lost her own capsules in this version, so it might be hers.   Pansy’s plan is to seek help from Master Roshi.    According to her, King Gurumes was corrupted by the “Rich Stones”, which is what they call the rubies they’re mining out of the ground.   I can see why the English dubs refer to them as “Blood Rubies”, since that’s a much more dramatic name. 

What I don’t understand is whether the Blood Rubies actually have some sort of magic power to curse people, or if Gurumes has simply succumbed to plain old greed.  I guess you’d need a magic curse to explain his distorted appearance and insatiable hunger.   But did he eat a Blood Ruby at some point?   Pasta and Bongo want the Blood Ruby mining to continue as well, so why haven’t they been cursed as well?   Anyway, Gurumes is obsessed with accumulating more and more Blood Rubies, even though he already has tons of them in his royal treasury, and even though he’s currently suffering from his hunger problems. 

Bulma agrees to take Pansy to Master Roshi, since they share a common enemy, however, when Roshi meets them, he accuses Goku of plotting to kill him.  Turns out Yamcha was spying on Bulma and Pansy’s conversation, and he hatched a scheme to get to Roshi first and trick him into taking out Goku for him, so that he could secure the Dragon Balls for himself. 

Wait, that doesn’t make sense.  Gurumes has most of the Dragon Balls right now.  Six of them, actually.   What good would it do Yamcha to eliminate Goku now?  Well, it doesn’t matter for long, since Roshi summons the Kinto’Un to see who’s telling the truth.   When Goku proves he’s pure of heart by riding Kinto’Un, Yamcha’s deception is exposed, so he runs away.

Then Pasta and Bongo show up in a submarine and bombard Roshi’s island. Roshi gets pissed about his house being blown up and retaliates with a Kamehameha wave, which drives the bad guys away.    Naturaly, Goku wants to learn it too, and he manages to imitate it on his first try. 

At that point, Bulma notices the Dragon Ball hanging from Roshi’s neck, and he agrees to give it to her if he can touch her boobs.   So Bulma gets Oolong to shape-shift into a fake Bulma and... yeah we all saw Episode 8.   Same thing.  

Incidentally, Bulma got a haircut sometime before they arrived at Roshi’s place.   In the first half of the movie, she looks like this:

But after she arrives on Roshi’s Island she looks like this:

I mean, that’s a lot of hair to lose from one scene to another, isn’t it?  

The gang finally heads for the Land of Gurumes to take the fight to him.   Pansy asked Roshi to help them, but he said no, because as a martials arts master, he’s become too far removed from the affairs of the outside world, or some other B.S.   I’m pretty sure the real reason he doesn’t come along is because he didn’t join Bulma and Goku in the manga either, but he can’t just say that out loud. 

He tells Pansy that she’s already got a fine group of friends to help her, so everything out to work out for her.   This really sounds like a cop-out.   I think we’re supposed to believe that Roshi has wisely sensed that Goku and the others are more than enough to save the day, and yeah, he’s right, but it really makes him look like a heel.  Like, what else does Roshi have to do today?   His house is gone, so I’m pretty sure his schedule just cleared up for the next several days.

There’s a cool scene where Bulma uses Oolong’s shape-shifting powers to frighten off Gurumes’ henchmen, only they end up running into Puar, who was doing the same thing for Yamcha.   See, he’s trying to secure the Dragon Balls for himself because he wants to get over his fear of girls, just like in the original version of this story, you see, so it’s very clever. 

Really, the only interesting parts of this movie are when the new characters do things, like when Pasta attacks Bulma, and Yamcha has no choice but to rush to her defense.   He battles Pasta for a while, and does okay until her mask comes off and he realizes he’s been fighting a girl the whole time.   Then he saves Bulma from a falling rock, and I’m bored again because he saved Bulma from different things back in Pilaf’s castle in the original story.  

Goku has a decent battle with Bongo, who flies around on some sort of hoverboard, so that’s pretty cool.    Finally they all get to Gurumes’ dining hall, and he suddenly turns into a giant monster.

This is what I find really disappointing about this movie.  Gurumes looks like a pretty cool boss villan on the poster, but he spends most of the film in shadow, and when he finally does step out into the light, he’s become a hulkng, mindless brute.   And I’m fine with that development, but I wanted more of what Gurumes was before he succumbed to his mutation.   As it is, I can’t tell if Pasta and Bongo were manipulating him from the start, or if he was the true mastermind of this whole scheme, and he was too twisted and evil to realize it was a fool’s errand.  Well, we won’t get any answers now, because he forgot how to talk.

Goku tries to stop Gurumes with a Kamehameha, but it doesn’t even scratch the guy.  While that goes on, Bulma checks her radar and realizes that the other six Dragon Balls are inside Gurumes’ body.   So he ate them?   Was he that crazed with hunger, or was there actually some purpose to that?  

Bulma decides the only thing to do is toss the seventh Dragon Ball into Gurumes mouth, and summon the Dragon while they’re all together inside his tummy.   And that seems to stop him, so this is the first time Bulma beat the bad guy.   Good hustle, Bulma.   

Shenron emerges, and the whole castle is wrecked, so I would think Gurumes has been completely destroyed.  Bulma and Yamcha are too stunned to make their wish, so Pansy cries out that her people don’t want the Blood Rubies, and she only wants the land restored to the way it was before.   Shenron grants her request, and as the land transforms, all the rubies start floating out of the ground.

Pasta is horrified to see this, because it means the complete ruination of her plans.   Also, I think Bongo might be dead?  Gurumes stepped on him, and he never moved much after that.  Goku hands her back the coin she paid him for his Dragon Ball, and I’m pretty sure that’s all the money she has left after everything that’s happened.  Bulma and Yamcha find each other, because that’s what happened in the original story, yadda yadda, and then...

Okay, so King Gurumes is back to normal?   I guess?   How the hell did he survive Shenron coming out of his body?   His castle sure didn’t.  And why does he look like that?   Was he always that ugly, or is he still changing back?  Maybe he suffered some permanent damage from the curse?   Anyway, he’s still hungry, so Pansy hands him an apple, which he finds surprisingly delicious.   Pansy’s dad gives him shit about it, as if the apple had been the solution to his problem all along, if only he hadn’t been corrupted by his own greed.  Maybe that was the moral of the story, but I’m betting Gurumes has eaten apples before now.   I think he’s ony confused because the curse has finally been lifted.  

But why was it lifted?  Is it because Shenron removed all the Blood Rubies?   Was that all Gurumes had to do?   Just chuck them in a dumpster?   Where did Shenron put all the Blood Rubies?  Did he throw them into the sun?   Did he bury them in some other king’s backyard?    This is how you get Curse of the Blood Rubies II, you know?

The movie ends with Goku running off on his new flying cloud, and thinking about how big and interesting the world it, yada yada.  It’s a decent movie with some breathtaking animation in places, but it’s not very satisfying when it borrows so much from other material that we’ve already seen before.   I really wanted to see more of Pansy, Gurumes, Bongo, and Pasta, but we couldn’t get that because we had to go over Yamcha’s motivation one more time, and remix the story of how Master Roshi gave Goku the Flying Nimbus. 

[fanfic-inator795]

Lego Batman Oneshot: Songbird

Plot: Being a crime fighter can sometimes be a balancing act. But every once in a while, things do manage to work out. 

((I've got another one! ^v^ Hope you guys enjoy!))

Batman glanced down at the screen. Just above the map that was displayed on it, the digital clock read 7:25 PM. He scowled slightly. Sure, he was used to busy nights, but usually they didn’t really get going until later, usually around midnight. “Ugh...” Of course tonight of all nights had to be the rare exception-

“Dad! He’s-!”

“I’ve got it!” Slamming his foot on the gas, Batman flew passed the alleyway that their target had just turned into, deciding to instead take a sharp turn onto the street just a few buildings ahead of it. And, thanks to the Bat-Mobile’s speed and Batman’s skillful driving skills, they made it to the other side of the alleyway, just as the fiend was coming out of it.

The car screeched to a halt in front of the alley, causing the villain to freeze in his tracks. “There’s nowhere to run, Condiment King!” Batman told him, both he and Dick giving the pickle-headed man a stern glare.

But Condiment King sneered back at him. “Hmph, that’s what you think, Brät-Man!” As strange (and lame) as he was, the Condiment King certainly wasn’t about to go down without a fight! With that, he turned and tried to run back down the alley. 

Unfortunately, after no more than a few steps forward, he felt something grab onto the back of his haul (Gotham’s entire supply of hotdog carts stuffed into a shipping container with wheels on it), trying to pull it away from him. But before he could try to pull it out of their grip, the villain then felt the hit of a well-aimed bat-a-rang sweeping him off his feet. 

“Got it!” Dick grinned, pulling the container away while Batman just smirked. Another victory for the father-son dynamic duo, and since the cops probably knew what had happened and would be there soon, at least they wouldn’t have to spend too much longer there. 

“You’ll regret stopping me!” Condiment King insisted as the dark knight tied his wrists to a nearby lamppost, wanting to keep him place until the police arrived, “Anyone could see that those carts were an abomination! I mean, what kind of hotdog cart only has ketchup and mustard?! No pickles? No onions? No sauerkraut?!”

“Uh, doesn’t sauerkraut usually go on bratwurst?” Dick questioned, which earned in him another glare from the villain.

“It can be put on hotdogs too! See, people like you just don’t understand the importance of good condi-!”

“Yeah yeah,” Batman interrupted, rolling his eyes, “I’m sure they’ve got plenty of condiments in prison. So, enjoy!” With that, the two heroes started to head back towards their car, but stopped when the sound of an alarm rang out. “What the-?” 

“Look!” Dick pointed towards a shop just across the street from where they were standing. A pawn shop, to be specific, with plenty of valuables inside. With the alarm still blaring, a trio of criminals rushed outside - and froze when they saw the infamous Batman and Robin staring right at them.

Batman however, just gave them a flat look. “...Really, guys?”

Of course, the criminals didn’t reply. They just made a ran for it as fast as they could.

Dick wasn’t discouraged however. “Come on, Padre! Let’s get them-!”

“Wait.”

The boy stopped, giving his father a curious look. “I’ll get them,” Batman told him, “while you get going.”

“Huh? Wait, but-” “Hey Condiments, what time is it?” Batman asked, turning to look at the villain.

“Uh-” Condiment King twisted his wrist a bit to take a look at his watch. “7:40? Wh-?”

“Exactly,” Batman nodded, looking back at Dick, “You don’t have as much time to get there as I do. Didn’t they say they wanted you there early?”

“Well yeah, but...” Dick frowned. As much as he knew that his father was right, he still didn’t want to just leave him. They were a team, after all. He didn’t want to miss out on any of the crime-fighting fun, nor did he want his father to fight alone...

Batman’s gaze softened a bit. “Look, they’re just a few thieves, alright? So it’s not like you’ll be missing out on much. I’ll just grab them, get back whatever they stole, and then I’ll be on my way, okay? Promise.”

“...” Slowly, Dick gave a small, slightly reluctant smile. “Okay...” 

"Good,” Batman nodded, handing him his Bat-Grappling Hook. 

“Good luck!” Dick told him before launching the hook upwards, It hooked onto a high-up corner of a building, and within seconds he was rising up into the air (giving a small “Wee!” as he did so). As for Batman, he stayed just long enough to make sure his son had reached the top alright before racing across the street. 

Even with three criminals on the run from him, it hadn’t been too much of a challenge - especially since they hadn’t been smart enough to split up. Once he found their trail, it was just a matter of catching up to them - which was pretty easy, despite the thieves getting a head start. ’Heh, who needs super speed when you’re Batman?’ the hero thought to himself.

A quick chase and a few more bat-a-rangs and punches later, and it was all over. It had been just as easy as Batman had predicted, and by the time he dragged the thieves back to the pawn shop, the police were already there, looking over the damage to the shop and arresting a ranting Condiment King. 

Accepting their thanks as quickly as he could, he handed the criminals over and jumped back into the Bat-Mobile. ...Where the Bat-Phone was already ringing. Groaning, Batman reluctantly answered it. “Whaaaaat?”

“...Um, Sir?” a familiar voice answered after a moment.

“Oh. ...Uh, hey Alfred,” Batman replied, “What is it?”

“Well, Commissioner Barbara and I are here, as well as Master Dick, who just arrived a couple minutes ago. Though, he told us that you would be held up for a bit, and I just wanted to make sure that-”

“Don’t worry Alfred, it’s cool,” Batman insisted as he started up his car, “I just had to stop a few extra criminals, no big deal.” He looked at the digital clock again. 8:02 PM. He smiled. “I can get there in ten min-!”

Suddenly, a loud explosion in the distance interrupted him. Turning around, he could see a huge cloud of colorful smoke from several blocks behind him. There was only one villain around that could make their explosions that colorful... However, rather than being concerned, Batman just scowled. “Seriously?!” he shouted, as if his enemy could hear him. 

“Master Bruce?”

Remembering he was still on the phone, the annoyed hero sat back down. “Ugh... Maybe you should add an extra five minutes onto that. Just, save me a seat, alright?!”

“Will do, Sir...” Not wanting to waste a second, Batman hung up the phone and slammed on the gas, making a quick U-Turn and speeding towards downtown. It didn’t take him long to hear that familiar laugh...

“Ah, nothing like adding a bit of color to our dull lives!” the Joker grinned as he launched another paint cannonball at a building. Along with covering it in a huge splatter, it managed to knock off several pieces, nearly causing it to collapse. “Or rather, to MY city!”

“And to think, I thought nothing could be more fun than smashing stuff,” Harley added as she skated around with her paint-ball bazooka, hitting nearly everything in-sight, “But smashing WHILE coloring is the best!”

The Joker giggled. “Of course it is! Buuuut-” He could hear the familiar sound of speeding tires and roaring rocket-engines coming towards them. “I have a feeling the real fun’s about to begin~” 

Sure enough, the Bat-Mobile soon made its way onto the scene, its driver managing to dodge every single drop of paint that flew towards it. Of course, the Joker wasn’t discouraged. 

“I really was hoping you’d join us,” he started to say as soon as Batman jumped out of the car (landing in a traditional superhero pose, of course), “I mean, after hearing that you had to chase down ol’ Ketchup and Mustard for Brains earlier, I just thought that I’d come in and give you a REAL fight~!”

“Listen-” Batman started to say, but the Joker just kept talking.

“And you know, Bats, while the yellow definitely isn’t bad, you really could use some more color-”

“Joker-”

“-Your birdy sidekick’s definitely got the right idea! Buuuut knowing you, you’ll want to stick to your dull, boring, no-fun black. Though-” Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out one of many paint bombs he had and brought his arm back, “I’m sure I could ‘help’ persuade yo-”

“JOKER!” Batman shouted, giving the clown a hard glare and not flinching at the weapon pointed at him whatsoever.

“...” Slowly, the Joker’s manic expression turned to one of annoyance. “What?” he asked, lowering the bomb.

“Look. Can we just... do this later?” the dark knight slowly asked, “Maybe just, wait until tomorrow night?”

The Joker gaped at him. “ExCUSE ME?” he asked, clearly offended, “Evil and creative masterminds don’t just postpone their amazing crimes just because their hero isn’t in the mood!” He lifted his arm again, taking aim, but his enemy remained persistent.

“It’s nothing personal!” Batman argued back at him, “I just have somewhere I need to be! So, from your greatest enemy to my greatest enemy-” The Joker paused, lowering his weapon a bit. That definitely caught his attention. “-could you just leave quietly and wait until tomorrow to continue this? And if you do that, I can promise you that tomorrow, I’ll give you an all-in, completely focused and one hundred percent epic fight! One that we’ll always remember!”

“...” The Joker hummed, biting his lip slightly. Honestly, that DID sound pretty tempting, but even so... “Just what is this other thing you have to be at that’s just soooo important?”

Batman sighed slightly, knowing fully well the Joker wouldn’t back down if he didn’t tell him. So, he gave him an honest answer. 

...And honestly, the Joker didn’t really know what to say to it. “Oh, wow... Uh, well-” At least he wasn’t going off to fight another villain instead. And, really, even as a villain, the Joker could still sort of understand. “Well... I GUESS I can wait until tomorrow to continue all this. Maybe take some extra time to make sure I’ve got plenty of toys for you to play with. And I guess it’s for the best, since fighting you while you’re all distracted and just trying to rush through it would be the worst.”

“Right,” Batman said simply, giving the clown a small nod in an attempt to show just a bit of appreciation. 

“So, I guess I’ll see you tomorrow night. Just make sure you don’t disappoint. And don’t be expecting me to do stuff like this all the time, Batsy!” the Joker scowled, “Greatest enemies aren’t usually this nice! You’re just lucky that I have some standards!”

“Hmph, got it,” Batman nodded again, smiling slightly. Despite everything, the Joker smiled back while Harley reluctantly skated towards their car to put away her bazooka. 

Seeing that they weren’t going to try anything funny (no pun intended), Batman got back into the car, and- “Gasp!” It was already 8:19 PM?! “’Puter, enter into Autopilot Mode and get us to the Gotham Concert Hall ASAP!” he ordered.

“Yes Sir,” the computer answered. Tires screeching, the Bat-Mobile turned back around and shot forward as it morphed into it’s jet-plane form. As this was being done, Batman got into the back seat and started to change outfits as quickly as he could.

By the time they landed and the Bat-Mobile morphed into it’s ‘civilian mode’, Batman had changed into his usual white tux and was ready to go! Though, before he got out, he quickly realized that he still had his cowl on. “Ugh, right.”

Not wanting to waste anymore time, he simply pulled it off and tossed it onto the floor of the car before making a run for it. His hair popped back into place just as he reached the front door, and when he arrived at the volunteer-ran ticket table, he simply put down a huge stack of bills.

“Keep the change,” he said simply, taking a moment to flash his infamously charming Bruce Wayne smile. The woman at the table, while clearly surprised, still smiled back at him as he handed him the ticket. “Thanks!” he told her before racing into the theater. “Okay, now where-”

“Oh, Master Bruce!” “There he is, finally!” 

Thankfully, it didn’t take him long to spot Alfred and Barbara waving him over to their seats. “You were almost late,” Barbara told him.

“I know I know, I’m sorry,” Bruce replied, “But, hey, I still got here in time.” He made it, just like he said he would. And in his opinion, that was all that mattered.

And, as it turned out, he had made it with just a couple seconds to spare. The moment he sat down, the lights dimmed and the curtain in front of them opened up, revealing the Gotham City Children's Choir - consisting mostly of orphans, with all of the kids wearing baby-blue suits and dresses.

Of course, it was pretty easy to spot Dick among them, and while the boy started off with a bit of a frown, as soon as he saw all three members of his family in the audience smiling at him, there was nothing he could do to stop himself from grinning. 

The piano started playing, and after a couple seconds, the kids happily began to sing.

()()()()()()()()()

“So did you all like it?” Dick asked.

“Of course we did!” Barbara told him, giving the boy a quick hug.

“It was a very lovely concert, Master Dick,” Alfred added, “And you should be very proud of your performance.”

“Yeah,” Bruce smiled, patting his son’s shoulder, “Great job, kid.” 

Dick smiled back at them, giggling a bit. “Thanks guys! You’re the best! And, thanks again for coming.” As much as he always liked singing in front of others, it was nice to have actual family in the audience.

“No problem. So, how’s about we get you some ice cream for a job - er, concert - well done?”

“Yeah!” Dick cheered. Though, after a moment, he added, “Hey Dad? Afterwards, do you think maybe we could go out on patrol again for a couple hours?” Knowing Gotham, it wouldn’t stay quiet and peaceful for long. The city would need its heroes again soon enough.

But despite knowing this fact as well, Bruce couldn’t help but be a bit surprised at the fact that Dick was the one suggesting it. “Wait, really? Even after-?”

“Yeah!” his son nodded, still smiling brightly, “Why wouldn’t I want to?”

“...Heh.” Bruce gave a soft smirk. “Good point...” Even with the occasional frustrations sometimes involved with it, it looked like Dick had the same passion for crime fighting and saving the day (and night) that he did. And, while it maybe wasn’t the best thing to encourage a child to do, Bruce still couldn’t help but find it a bit comforting.

“Hey, it’s really not that late,” Barbara spoke up, giving a small smirk herself, “So maybe we could even join you guys? Four heroes are better than one, after all.” 

Of course, Dick had no objections to that, and neither did Bruce. “Sounds good to me. But ice cream first,” he told them as he started walking forward.

“Heh, yeah!” His son agreed, “With some whipped cream on it, maybe?”

“Ooh yeah. And if you’re going to have whipped cream, you might as well add chocolate syrup.” “Right! And caramel!” “And chocolate chips.” “And-!”

“Don’t make yourselves sick,” Barbara told them, though her concern didn’t stop her from looking amused at the whole conversation. 

“Yes,” Alfred added, “trying to fight on a full stomach could be, erm, disastrous...”

“Don’t worry, we’ll be fine!” Bruce insisted as he opened the theater lobby door, “It’ll take more than some sweets to bring us down!” “If you say so...”

As the family of four exited the building, none of them noticed the tiny drone watching from a corner...

“It is sorta cute to see, don’cha think?” Harley asked, still smiling at the tablet screen.

“Eh, I guess,” the Joker shrugged, trying to seem indifferent even if he was smiling slightly as well. Honestly, he had only flown in a drone just to see what all the fuss was about. And, while he still understood why Batman had chosen it over him, he still couldn’t exactly call it a ‘good’ choice.

“Those kids though, they should really try to liven up their song list,” he told her, rolling his eyes a bit, “I mean, a couple of them were alright but, where’s the silly and fun songs? The nonsensical songs? The songs that sound innocent but are actually dark when you think about the lyrics too much? You know, the laughs!”

“Aw well. I guess not everyone’s as good of a showman as you are, Mister J,” Harley told him.

The Joker chuckled. “That’s definitely true... And speaking of which-” He stood up from his chair. “Come on, Harley, we should get preparing for tomorrow’s show~”

Sure, the night had admittedly been fairly disappointing, but that was now the past. It was time to look to the future, the Joker was going to make sure that the following night would be a real hoot! But really though, there wasn’t much doubt in the clown’s mind that their postponed battle would be just as great his enemy insisted it would be.

After all, Batman always keeps his promises.

THE END

((I like the idea of Dick still being in that choir that we saw at Commissioner Gordon’s gala, even if he’s not an orphan anymore. He just seems like the kind of kid who would still enjoy being in it ^v^ Anyway, hope you guys liked this! And also, thanks again for all the likes and reblogs on my last two Lego Batman fics. You guys are awesome!))

[moonlightreal]

Winx Club Season 8/5

In which there is a lot more Musa/Riven content than I was expecting.

5 Orion’s Secret

The black hole is drawing Puripla in. Valtor gloats about how he’ll ‘absorb Purripla and everyone on board—into the void!”  does that mean he’ll steal all their powers?  

Love the animation here.

But on Puripla, nobody realizes they’re in danger!  The winx just restored the core and lumens are cheering!

Then, whoops, black hole alarm!  We’re in danger after all!

In their wrecked ship—which is named the Owl!  I love it!--anyway, it crashed.  It’s not going to fly anytime soon.

Orion is wandering Puripla’s halls, keen to steal the ruby before the whole star is pulled into a black hole.

Tecna’s helping the lumens with their computer, plotting how to escape.  Lumens rush around the core, feeding it energy.  Twinkle cheers them on.

It’s not enough!  We’re going in! Valtor gloats!  He’s finally defeated the Winx!

The lumens are too tired to keep powering the core, but Bloom has an idea.  The Winx use their Cosmix power to boost the lumens’ strength.  Puripla glows pink and begins to pull away from the black hole.  Watching on his asteroid Valtor rages and feeds his evil power into the black hole, making it grow bigger!

But good triumphs.  Puripla escapes. All is well!  Bloom comments it’s lucky the ruby was able to ‘channel and absorb all that power.”  so it’s like an add-on to the star core I guess.  And it exists just for Orion to steal ‘cause here he is lurking around waiting to do just that.  

Valtor walks out of a portal complaining that the Winx got away again!  Wait, did he just portal from one room of his fortress to another for dramatic effect? Obscurum tries to cheer him up but just ends up pissing him off.

Valtor: ‘The Winx are still fluttering around happily in the magic dimension!”  there’s a line.

The Winx and lumens giggle, then the captain asks Twinkle for an explanation.  Twinkle says the Winx aren’t just musicians, they’re fairies on a mission.

Bloom: ‘Our mission is to save the stars from Valtor, an evil sorcerer.”  She makes the funniest evil face here.  Lumens gasp in fear.  But Stella says they can still put on a concert, and that cheers everybody up.

Orion is still luirking, which would be tough in a star full of… waaaaaait, this star is the home of lumens who are about six inches tall, but its hallways are wide enough for a group of humans, with high ceilings.  Maybe the halls are like streets, and the lumens each have tiny sized houses somewhere else? Ah, I wanna know everything about lumen culture!  Or make it up, that works too!

Then Orion hears someone coming and uses a really cool power.  His suit has an antigravity thing, he goes weightless and floats up to the ceiling, where he camouflages into invisibility.  Neat!  Unfortunately he dropped a Clue—his telescope that fell out of a pouch on his cool steampunk belt.

The boys are the ones to find it, they’re coming on board.  Riven picks up the telescope and recognizes that it isn’t lumen technology.  But he doesn’t see Orion floating on the ceiling, so the boys go on.

Reunion!  Hugs!  

Riven waves at Musa, who looks away.

Sky has a surprise for Bloom, what could it be?

Orion drops from the ceiling with a cocky grin.  His voice is better than the specialists’.  I couldn’t say exactly how it’s better, it just is. 

Cut to the concert stage where Tecna is talking about how Bloom’s idea saved the ship--”like always.” Self awareness of Bloom’s Sueish status?  Lumens come racing in to get Bloom.  She follows them to… this really cool geodesic dome on the front of the star.  The lumens swirl above Bloom’s head and her clothes change into a ballgown.  And there’s Sky at the door of the dome, dressed in… well it’s not the worst prince outfit ever, I guess.  Purple jacket, the cut isn’t awful, and he’s got a medal.Maybe he won it for defeating a hundred monsters.

They dance in the dome, which has no gravity so they float into the air.  Giggling.  Sky’s laid out the picnic in midair.    They dance some more, with magical-girl lights drifting around them.  Not terrible, for a romantic scene.  Points.

Back at the stage everyone’s hangin’ out waiting for Bloom to get back so they can have their concert, I suppose.  The girls are sitting near their boys.  Riven and Musa are sitting not-near each other.  He’s looking at her; she’s looking at the ground.  

Can I digress again?  Riven needs to quit this and just frankly ask Musa if she wants to give their relationship another try or not, instead of constantly aiming hopeful looks at her while surrounded by their very paired off romantic friends and trying to “prove he’ll always be there for her” without asking if she wants him to be.  It’s not that this is a 100% bad ship forever, but right now all signs point to ugh.  I ship Musa/Orion and Riven/a clue. 9_9

Riven comes to try and chat with Musa, asking if she’s picked the opening song for the concert and if she wants to give it a test run,.  She is beyond unenthused, looks away from him, says, “Fine.” in the most “why are you not reading my go-away vibes?” voice.  

But there’s Orion!  Ducking behind something outside.  Only Riven saw him.  He goes running after the interloper.

Aisha comes over to Musa.  “Are you ok?”

Musa: “I just… can’t understand him.”

I don’t know what that means.

Chase!  Cool design of the halls of Puripla!

Concert!  Happy lumens!  Transforming instruments!  New song!  I think it’s new, honestly they kinda are the same.  Cute but not memorable.  Beautiful visuals though.

But while the lumens are at the concert, Orion made it to the engine room and grabbed the ruby! Riven realizes his quarry is invisible and uses a smoke bomb to smoke him out.  Fight!… only Puripla hits some asteroids and shakes and Riven loses his balance just long enough for Orion to run for it.

Orion can make holograms of himself too.  And super-jump.

And then he throws himself off the side of the ship into space.  Riven freaks seeing this guy basically commit suicide, but of course Orion was jumping onto his invisible ship.  And away he sails!

But we’re in trouble again.  With the ruby gone, Puripla’s engines are down, and the star is drifting into an asteroid field!

Lumens = too dumb to leave anybody to watch the engines?  ‘Cause apparently they’re all at the concert. But I guess if this is only the second time they’ve ever heard music it makes sense maybe.  It’d be a big deal.

More singing as we approach our doom. On no!  Asteroids!  We’re doomed twice in twelve hours!  Without the ruby Puripla is drifting out of control.  

The Owl is fixed and the specialists take off after Orion while the Winx take off in Cosmix form to… push asteroids out of the way I’m guessing.  I like this!  This is a solid plan to fix a problem!

But leave it to Valtor to ruin it.  He enchants some asteroids into a space rock monster.  Battle is joined!   The Winx aren’t having any luck against it.  But Valtor’s running out of steam too.  He’s done a lot of magic today, growing that black hole, and creating a rock monster’s worn him out.  He drops to his knees but pushes through in hopes of destroying the Winx finally.

Bloom realizes they have a chance to attack when Valtor’s magic falters.  They blast the monster at the right moment and it falls apart.

The most powerful sorcerer in the magic dimension is left flat on his back.

The specialists stealth their ship to sneak up on Orion, who’s gloating over his new ruby in a bronze-and-gears flight deck scattered with a bunch of other rubies. He’s really happy to have it, he’s going to… “restore Invidia’s light?”  Is that what he said?  Then the Specialists bust in through the ceiling.

Then we cut back to puripla, which is still in danger.  it’s about to crash into a planet!  The captain calls it… Perlisha?  Doesn’t matter, probably.  Because the boys are back with the ruby!

And Orion!  Yay, explanation!  Orion is an “astroscientist” and the planet below, Perlisha, is his home world.  Its star, which I think is Irridia not Invidia, has gone out and Orion steals rubies hoping to get it going again before all the plants wither.

Musa: “And for that you’d set Puripla and its crew adrift?  Kind of selfish don’t you think?”

Orion says he pretty much had no choice, he’s trying to save the people of his planet from starving.

The girls ponder-- can they trust him? They decide they can.  Bloom says the Winx will help him.  Orion is delighted.

Riven: “You’re willing to help a thief?”

Musa: “Something wrong with giving someone a second chance?”

The gang decamps, the boys to return the rest of the stolen rubies, the girls and Puripla will, I guess, follow Orion to his star.

Riven: “Musa, be careful.  I don’t trust him.”

Musa: “What’s that?  You wouldn’t be jealous would you?”  She looks SO catty.

Riven: “Of a thief and a liar?  Of course not.  But you’ll see I’m right.  He’s no good.  You’re setting yourself up for disappointment.”

Musa: “Don’t worry.  I know what it’s like to be disappointed.”

Soooo much what.  Does Riven think Musa has a thing for Orion?  Because the Winx are just going to help him like fairies normally help people.  I mean I’m making shipping jokes from the other side of the fourth wall but in real life it’s not like an unattached person falls for a new person just automatically.  And what is Musa even talking about disappointment, does she mean Riven’s leaving or the annoying way he’s been acting since he got back? What does she even want him to do?  I railed on Riven for handling things badly but Musa isn’t doing any better!  Don’t make remote hints that you want something from a guy while snubbing him!  Just say he’s got no chance or you need some time or whatever and get things clean between you.

Boy that was a lot of Musa/Riven drama for one episode!  I guess at least it’s better than Bloom/Sky drama!  (though I hear that’s coming later...)

[peanutdracolich]

Peanut Dracolich Watches Horror: Child’s Play

So besides knowing that this was the movie that introduced Chucky and vague knowledge that Chucky was a murderous doll, and one of the big horror franchises (though not one of the best regarded) I went into this blind.

I’m going to give the final overview first, since it’s not got as many spoilers (though a spoiler for the final overview I didn’t like the film that much), and then the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly of it before my play by play reactions.

Overall: I was not impressed. The film was almost so bad it's good; like it might be fun to watch and laugh at with a group of people. But as a horror film nah. 0 feet raised with fright (like with Alien 3). Honestly I think Alien 3 if you stopped near the hour and a half mark (the length of Child's Play) is a better horror film, and it was strictly a mediocre film even with Charles Dance. This one... well I enjoyed it more than Halloween, but I personally hated Halloween, and I'd put this well below Ft13... and I don't like Ft13; though on the 13th I will be watching Ft13 part 2 if all goes according to plan.

Still the film relies upon Adult Fear, but is not enough of a psychological film to truly capitalize on it. You've just got a killer doll that, as far as killer dolls go is relatively non-creepy. As a concept the story is good, but the idea is far better than the implementation.

My final verdict is... I wasn't scared. It plays on adult fears, but it also has enough bad moments. I'd say watch Fright Night (by the same director) over Child's Play, while also not scary it was a much more fun movie; or watch Child's Play with a group to enjoy the bad. It was in fact bad enough but in good enough ways to maybe be so bad it's good. Still if I was rating it out of ten it'd not do too well.

The Good:

Adult fears are scary. It is a natural thing to be concerned about child endangerment. Kudos on using it.

Chucky’s penultimate fight. This is actually a pretty good fight, that puts me in mind of the Terminator and when Chucky is by and far at his most bad ass. It’s a good and enjoyable scene.

The Bad:

Adult fears are mitigated by the heavy supernatural. Child is left alone with dangerous thing, scary. Child is wandering downtown alone, horrifying. Child has a killer doll chasing him to steal his soul... actually less scary than if he was chasing an adult because the movie has managed to convince you it will stick to the standard ‘no child will be harmed’ rule.

Chucky’s final fight. His threat has been narratively void for a while now. This is just padding the film an extra 10 minutes. Die already doll.

The Ugly:

Adult fears make me feel worried in an unclean and unfun way. The final fridge horror of ‘they’ve got no proof it was the doll, everyone will still think it was the boy’ leaves a bad after taste.

Chucky’s other fights. The special effects are admittedly good. The basic filming choices and choreography of people’s interactions with the doll when they are not in full use is bad, and even with good special effects half of Chucky’s fights look comical, and only one of them doesn’t leave me taken out of the atmosphere of horror (a bad thing). I think the director would have been better off making a more openly comedic film that more directly poked fun at the horror genre... like Fright Night... which was made by the same director 3 years earlier.

The Play by Play:

I know nothing about Chucky. Dolls are creepy, but as a child Chucky always seemed to be trying to be creepy too much and didn't look normal enough to be creepy in that way. Dolls were admittedly less creepy as a child, but the commercials (admittedly for later films in the franchise) came off as rather humorous and not scary.

So while I'm gong on about how the later films looked, from commercials, to be child friendly entertainment about a doll murdering people (I can't remember how old I was when I first watched evil dead, but given things I watched as a child... I found films with death to be child friendly), the film has been playing. Eddie has ran off on his partner, and the partner has been shot, and the criminal is now... praying to Satan? I think he's praying to Satan to becme a doll. This is simultaneously better than expected, and silly and something I'd have totally enjoyed as a child (though I'd have taken it as just a magical chant). A quick google tells me he's praying to a god from voodoo which actually makes it a little less fun (in the same way if he was praying to Zeus it'd be less fun for the demonization factor).

So already this film is much scarier for me now than it would have been as a small child. The Good Guy is the kid's TV show hero, he has Good Guy cereal, he dresses like the character from the show, so that makes it extra scary... as an adult. As a kid I'd have noticed less. And oh the kid is not making his own breakfast, he's making his mom breakfast in bed at 6:30 AM. This makes it less terrifying that he's being made to feed himself given he obviously cannot.

Lot's of adult fears, not managing to get your child what he wants for his birthday, having to work through it to make ends meat, having... That doll is such an ugly doll. It's not a creepy doll that feels like it's watching you, ready to eat your soul, it's just a bad looking doll. It does look better than my memories of commercials as a kid, less beat up and repaired.

The doll is trying to make the small child help him. And the babysitting friend of his mom is really careless of his new toy, hitting its head into everything while walking. No wonder the doll turns murderous. I mean that's just not how you take care of a new toy.

And Chucky is now watching the news as he wanted... Maggie (babysitter) assumes that this is Andy (small child) doing stuff. Still we're almost 20 minutes in and something scary needs to begin.

And as I type that, there is the pitter patter of Chucky feet after the child has been put to bed and the babysitter is alone in the other room. We start getting music to put nerves on end, a scene made for it at last. Pacing wise I feel less primed than usual, the opening didn't prime for horror, but still the scene is doing well and a priming isn't actually necessary.

Still this is so putting me in mind of Scream and the films it was mocking the sort of 'something has fallen' 'phone rings' scares without the general build of terror of something like Alien or Evil Dead. I am startled, I am physiologically affected (the music and Maggie's panic does that and I'm trying to let it affect me). And then Maggie is hit by the hammer and for a moment I feel fear... when she stumbles into a wall and then redirects herself towards the window to fly out of it I just sort of laugh because it makes no sense for that to have knocked her out of the window given the scene from the front. I am not scared because special effect fail that while not actually as bad as the xenomorph rotoscoping, is just something that pulls you out of the film with its ridiculousness and makes things... Farcical.

I will try to get back into the horror mood. I mean it's not late enough I'm getting sleepy, but I am alone, in a dark room, with a cat occasionally moving about in the darkness to make sounds of something creeping towards me... I am doing my best to be in a horror mood, but it's more adult fear that the detective thinks that the small child might have done it than horror fear. In fact the cool down scene has not made getting into horror mood after that fail easier.

Still the adult fear becomes a horror fear when the music changes and Andy looks at chucky's feet and sees the flour. Andy must die now. The film relies on adult fear, which is not a bad thing, but does mean it would not have scared me as much as a child.

Andy's mom does not believe that Chucky is alive. Poor kid, and silly woman. Not only is he alive but he has massively superhuman strength, and the ability to strike someone so that they fall backwards into a wall and thus fly out the window beside their shoulder. The choreography was bad.

Now it's time for a day of school... except that Chucky has Andy sneaking out. Yay adult fear! The child is now on a street full of drug dealers, and the homeless, and... I'm just sort of worried for the child.

Andy goes to go pee, and Chucky goes to kill his former partner. The Chucky PoV is sort of nice. The rats are cute, the murder method (stove gas + fire) is one that doesn't have the issue of Maggie's death and thus works better for horror as it doesn't pull you out, and with an armed escapee and a kid in close proximity the adult fear is strong. Kid don't run towards the sound of gunfire! Kid stop! No! The armed, drugged out dude does NOT fire on the kid while trying to figure out who is in his run down hideout, and the kid walks away before he does fire causing an explosion. Is this the most realistic explosion? I can't say off the top of my head, but it doesn't pull me out like Maggie's death (or most of the death scenes in Halloween) so kudos. The fact that I'm still thinking about Maggie's death does however pull me out.

And now Andy is being questioned by the police at the precinct. He says that Chucky scared Maggie out of the window. His mom is terrified that they're going to take her son away. The adult fear is palpable. Kid tells about Chucky and the psychiatrist asks to take him for a few days. Of course kid did say that Chucky would kill him if he told so... ADULT FEAR.

We go home and the mom realizes something. The batteries aren't in. Maybe he son is telling the truth and it really is a demon doll. And we get a legitimately good moment when she goes to confirm. For the first time in the movie I truly feel tense and my attention engages. And... So there's a traditional issue of horror movies about showing the monster. The murderer in Friday the 13th is sinister until we learn he's an aging lady. Michael Myers is scary until he picks up a dude and gets ninny slapped. Alien is very sparing in showing the xenomorph. Frankenstein holds back on overusing Boris despite his pure menace. Chucky is almost scary until his physics defiant struggles look more comical (as they don't look like they're supposed to be physics defiant) than scary. How the monster is shown can make or break a movie, and Chucky has, when shown, not helped the movie much.

As we shift to the mother's battle, and attempts to get the detective to believe her, the adult fear is actually fading and wiht that fading... there's just not much fear. The music and general scene dressing is supposed to be scary, the fact that she's in a horrible part of town, but... There's just not a lot of fear. Well to be fair it's supposed to be prepping, but it doesn't prep well. And attempted rape time, only to be saved by the detective man.

So this brings up a comparison to Alien 3 and its attempted rape scene with someone saving the heroine. I liked that one better. It was a moment that established character for both the convicts and her rescuer, character that we had been hinted at but which still established things. Here it lacks some of its strength. You know it's not going to be gone through with (it's not that sort of film) and it doesn't really further anything except a brief attempt at using rape to do a quick and easy scare because rape is scary and traumatic. Over all it feels cheap here, cheaper than in Alien 3.

Still we get a good scene soon to make up. Again the more they show of chucky the less scary he is, but when he's almost entirely shadowed and rising up in the car to murder someone he's scary. When he is poorly stabbing at someone with no success... I think it's actually supposed to be funny. I don't know but I'm laughing. I have laughed more at this movie than been scared of it. But hey the detective is now a believer, it only took a doll trying to murder him a lot from inside of his car while he was driving it.

We see Chucky's old home which fits the serial killer he was supposed to be and has what I assume is (at least the movie's version of) Voodoo imagery, especially once it becomes blatant voodoo imagery. And someone is coming up behind the mom. It's obviously the detective but he's still scarier than Chucky. They must look for the Voodoo Priest.

The Voodoo Priest considers Chucky an abomination, and the Voodoo Priest prepares to... um... call the cops? He picks up a phone to stop Chucky, not you know using magic of some sort, but... phone. Still Chucky has prepared he has Voodoo Priest's Voodoo Doll of Voodoo Priest. Why he has a voodoo doll of himself I'm unsure, maybe there's a reason? It seems silly from most depictions of voodoo and I have always heard that voodoo dolls aren't really from voodoo so it just seems reeeeaaaaly stupid. Still Voodoo Priest sics him on Andy telling him that he can only get out of the doll's body (which is becoming human and vulnerable) by transfering his soul into Andy's... Chucky then finishes him off because of course he does.

Adult fear is supposed to have returned. Especially when Chucky starts breaking into the mental asylum (I think, I mean it's a place for mentally unwell... small children? with doors that only open from the outside and bars on the window and... surgery rooms for... dissecting them?) the kid is in. He gets into Andy's room and... Andy tricks him with pillows under the bed. This place creeps me out with the amount of scalpals just laying about the place, and low security for... wait if you're in the hall you can just go into the OR where they have an electroshock machine that uses lethal voltages? I... I... I don't know whether to laugh at this film for being so what the bad place, or try and take it seriously. I'm not sure I can, but I think it expects me to. I can't speak for the rest of the series, but I think this one expects me to take it seriously.

The film's reliance upon 'oh excrement he's after the child' is undermining it a bit here in that... I don't honestly believe anything bad will happen to the kid. And then just as I'm trying to get back into the horror it shows Chucky's knife that looks rather colorful (red and white pattern on the blade, a pattern that looks almost plastic) and I start to laugh a bit. Of course Chucky does manage to hit the boy on the head with a bat and knock him out which ought to be putting the child, whose body he hopes to inhabit, in some serious danger. But it's hollywood head wounds and that's an 'acceptable break from reality'. The artificial thunderstorm looks silly but that too is acceptable, and the ritual actually has some tension and horror to it... except that you can't believe he'll succeed on a child; the rule is children don't die. There are films that make exceptions to this. That gets terrifying. This film doesn't seem to be one.

Now that it's the nice detective hunting Chucky in the house after the ritual you feel a bit of fear for the detective. Though there's enough of a romance subplot you expect the mom to save him when he gets in trouble and that's exactly what happens. Chucky continues to be more comical than scary the more they show him, and the mom looks more inept than struggling which again undermines the horror. Andy gets a good pre-killing one-liner and the doll burns.

But because they don't check the body well, this isn't the end. Horribly burnt the doll comes for one last attempt, and looking like Freddy Krueger's midget cousin Chucky is finally almost scary. All the doll horror is gone. He's just a burnt undead midget. Who stops stabbing halfway through a door, because... um... stabbing the part the screams are coming from is a bad idea? He's an incompetent one. Still Chucky's undead body being shot piece by piece is almost a good scene. I say almost because it lacks the build up to make it so. While in theory the events have happened, they've made me laugh too much.

And when the film doesn't end and the detective man's partner comes you know the doll has one more one last return from death. Yes I know Jason and Freddy do this, and they were told they had to get the heart, but... eh it just feels like they're stretching it to make it an hour and a half at this point. Like the killer doll, the movie has outlived it welcome but just won't stop.

The kid leaves the room, waiting and watching for the sign that the doll is still in fact alive, just like the viewer is, and it ends with the child's face.