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thefixations-ofmine · 27 days

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Buck Week 2024 Challenge Day 5, Aug. 16

Prompt: “I wonder what it would have been like if I had known sooner.” / Bi pride / Acceptance Word count: 1.5k Warnings: fluff, drinking, sexual innuendos

A/N: This is posted way later than the deadline. Again, the heat was downing and I had trouble with motivation. Sadly this is the only other day I finished. Hopefully my next challenge goes better. ✨️

Masterlist | Challenge Masterlist | AO3

“I wonder what it would have been like if I had known sooner,” Buck casually says around the patio table at his sister’s Thanksgiving dinner, downing his last sip of wine and looking at the trellis above him. He feels himself softly bounce as Tommy chuckles beneath him, the uneasy feeling of sitting in a man’s lap in front of everyone long-gone.

“You’d probably have an incurable disease,” Chim spits playfully and grants himself a backhand to the chest from Maddie. “What? That kid was on everything a couple years ago. Or under? You know what, I don’t wanna know…” He shakes his hands.

“Yeah, Chim. Don’t push it,” Hen joins. She looks through the patio door to make sure the kids are still playing peacefully in the living room and not eavesdropping.

“Hey, come on! I was always super careful,” Buck defends himself. “Those turnouts can hold a lot of stuff! I had protection anywhere I went.” There’s a shared grunt of disgust amongst the guests before Buck can realise the implications of that sentence. He goes to stutter more information but Tommy talks first.

“Listen. Evan is clean and settled now. You guys have nothing to worry about,” he says with a glimmer of pride, hand giving Buck’s thigh a gentle squeeze. “Plus, AIDs treatment have gotten much better over the years and-“

“Are you taking their side?” Buck gasps, seemingly offended. The room buzzes in laughter.

“I mean, I did ask around about you a little. After our first few dates,” Tommy corrects. He can tell Buck is still questioning his intentions. Tommy takes a sip and continues: “I didn’t want to know about all of that. I wanted to know some basic stuff so that I know where to take you out and what to do. Then all these bozos offered invasive backstories and I just couldn’t stop them.”

“Don’t try to be cute. And you guys are all being talked about in my next therapy session for dishing out!”

“Aw, you know we love and accept you, Buckaroo,” Hen reassures with a genuine smile. And he knows. Knows they would have been okay with it had he walked into the station an affirmed bi man and would have listened to his Buck 1.0 stories regardless of the counterpart.

They let the story die and Buck bends to kiss Tommy quickly, then shakes his head in disbelief as if to indicate there will be a conversation about this later. He’s still surprised every time; how vastly different the physical dynamic is for him now. He doesn’t have to crane his neck up or down. Despite being a sturdy piece of man, there’s Tommy sitting under him unbothered, unafraid of dead legs with his big hand running absentmindedly up and down his back. He remembers how dainty his partners had felt on him, how he shielded their bodies when he crowded over them in bed. And the shiver up his back at that thought is confirmation enough that Buck will always be bisexual. It’s the way Tommy makes him burn inside, how he matches him eye to eye – even more so mentally than physically – that has him coming back for more and not doubting his gut chasing love this time around. Unless Tommy drops an unpredictable bomb on him, he’s not planning on letting him go. Deeply satisfied.

Then Buck hears their conversation fade as he falls into a daydream of what could have been, had he explored his sexuality before now. It takes him to his high school years, where he would much rather have planned his next jackass move than have girls talk him out of them in exchange for a cool status. Sure, there were a few quick stolen kisses, and definitely a hot and heavy make out session in a broom closet after a bottle spin, but other than a not so serious relationship where they had held hands in the hallways and talked a little over the weekends, Buck had spent his teens trying to get his parents’ attention. College was short lived for him when he pulled the biggest stunt of his life, so far, and got kicked out for burning his tuition money on his new toy. He did get a few months in though, and that allowed for some observations.

“Evan, honey?” Tommy’s voice takes him out of his trance. “You’ve been awfully quiet on the ride home,” he adds, helping Buck take his jacket off. Buck looks at the clock; 1:25. Tommy tilts his head in search of an answer.

“Sorry, baby. Just… I got caught up on that thought.” He’s headed to the fridge for a bit of juice.

“Thought?” Tommy follows like a shadow, sensing the nerves in his boyfriend. He settles his chin on his shoulder and repeats himself.

“I don’t know. Maybe I could have been better for you if I had experience,” Buck whispers, takes another gulp. “Wouldn’t feel like I’m ten steps behind all the time.” Tommy chuckles and spins him around.

“Honey, listen. There’s no such thing as being ready for a partner. Did you feel like every girlfriend you had was the exact same?” Buck nods in disagreement. “There. They all needed and wanted something different. And so do I.” Tommy takes the glass out of his hand and finishes it before turning to set it in the sink.

“You know what I mean,” Buck adds with a sigh of defeat.

“Explain,” Tommy says, stern but it leans into his commanding tone Buck craves. He crosses his arms over his chest and undresses the younger man with his eyes. He can hear the gears grind in Buck’s mind and he smiles in delight.

“I would have known how to… prep. I don’t know.” He throws his head back to hide his blush. Unbeknownst to him, it had started creeping up his chest as well. “I would have known how to prep you. How to suck you…” The words die in intensity as if he wants to keep them to himself.

“You never prepped your girlfriends?” Tommy huffs. “I thought you were better than this, Evan.” Buck wants to argue at that, get mad and prove himself until he realizes where Tommy was taking him. Of course. Of course, Buck had already gone through hours of foreplay – loved doing it. Ate ass and prepped his partner for anal sex. He realizes now how it’s not so different, apart from the available appendages.

“I’m dumb,” Buck confesses, his head falling in shame now. Tommy takes two steps over to him and grabs his chin up and crashes his lips with his, hungry despite the copious feast they had just finished. He lets his body press into his boyfriend as if they could meld together. Buck moans into his mouth, letting his hands tug at the hem of his shirt. Then Tommy pulls back for a breath.

“You know that tongue thing you do?” Tommy whispers. Buck whimpers against his lips. “I’m pretty sure you took that from a previous lover and applied it like a good boy.” He’s back to kissing him now, letting a hand play through his longer curls, before tugging his head back to gain access to his neck. “So tell me again, why would I prefer an experienced man who’s not falling to his knees at every opportunity to satisfy me?” He kisses his collarbone. “Eager.” Up his neck. “Obedient.” Behind his ear. Buck moans in compliance.

“I get it. I get it!” Buck chimes, trying to keep from fainting on his kitchen floor. Tommy chuckles deeply.

“Prove me so,” Tommy replies and grabs his hand to guide him upstairs.

Before he knows it, Buck is spread eagle naked on his bed, cock up in attention and already sweaty without having engaged in any activity. Tommy crawls up to his hip and straddles his lap, his heavy dick falling atop Buck’s. Tommy’s hand is already lubed and ready to wrap around the both of them, eliciting a marvelous sound from his boyfriend when he squeezes their tips together. As routine predicts, Buck is already leaking heavily from the light touch alone.

“Tommy please,” Buck whines pathetically and attempts to raise his hips but Tommy is right there with his hand on his stomach preventing just that.

“Oh, sweetheart, no. You’re supposed to make me beg tonight.” But Tommy doesn’t stop his rhythm around their dicks, inherently teasing himself as well; though his age gives him that little edge for lasting longer.

“Get on your stomach then,” Buck says dryly into the air, swatting Tommy’s hand away. What would have alarmed his previous partners was a complete turn on for the big man above him. The back and forth of the dominant dynamic was always fun for the both of them to venture into, and unsurprisingly, Buck had caught on like a pro.

#bucktommy #ronnie writes #evan buckley #tommy kinard #911 abc fic #bucktommy fic

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outrunningthedark · 2 months

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Sometimes i think about how some fans can't separate what was floated vs actual canon cause like queer buck was floated end of season 4 which was taken as buddie canon s4 which very well may have been on the cards but ultimately it didn't happen. That doesn't actually mean byddie is still going canon like it may have almost happened potentially but that doesn't mean nothing now if they have decided to go another direction

Yep, idgaf what people talk about with their friends as far as headcanons are concerned, but when those same people get angry at others for providing FACTS (what happens on screen, what's said in interviews, especially by actors they claim to love and support)? That's when hyperfixation turns unhealthy. That's when many of us realize we need to speak up. Finding comfort in 9-1-1 or a character is perfectly valid, but it's not supposed to make you forget what really matters in life. None of this matters. Buck and Eddie are not real. They will never be together IRL. Someone shipping it, or choosing not to, means NOTHING when they will not be on our screens forever. When 9-1-1 ends, people will move onto another show, another ship. When it comes to "canon Buddie was floated as an option", I think it just goes back to the monoshipper mentality (not an insult because I definitely have my characters from past shows who I could only see with one person - JAPRIL my beloveds <3) of "Well, if Bi Buck almost happened then Buddie was definitely happening because I just can't see those two with anybody else." Which...fair. That's what monoshipping is. But (and this will probably get me 'in trouble' because it'll be taken as a dig at their fave) if we've got Ryan and Oliver saying they need to see realistic development between their characters AFTER SIX YEARS to justify a canon romance (particularly when Ryan is in the mindset of Eddie still being hetero, we didn't put those words in his mouth, sorry to disappoint)...what makes anybody think they would have both jumped at the chance to play Buddie as a canon couple in SEASON FOUR? Or even early season five? You know, when they both had girlfriends???

Spreading the misinformation that Buddie was shut down implies that Buddie was run by the actors as a legit option first. There's no evidence of that and I *guarantee* it never happened when Bi Buck getting the boot automatically stopped Eddie from going down the same path. Ryan playing the break up the way he did in 5x03? Definitely can be read as queer. I know I did. But Eddie was still showing off his repressive personality by refusing to admit that their relationship wasn't going anywhere out of guilt for what he thought a break up would do to his son.

#anonymous #tina speaks

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lemotmo · 1 month

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https://www.tumblr.com/lemotmo/758736308585791488/they-could-have-hired-a-new-fresh-face-to-be

I could get behind this especially the buck not being single at the time part because I will forever stand behind after all the little nuggets of info we got (and the ones we probably weren’t supposed to get) of what happened behind the scenes last season regarding actors/actresses etc and things Tim said about how he had Buck and Natalia’s story ready to go and knew exactly how he planned to lead it into their break up at the end of it, and the Tommy Eddie stuff, and that we know Marisol wasnt supposed to be back either originally and only did so because of availability.

I stand behind That the og plan was going to be Natalia back, her and Buck together still. Ultimately how serious of a couple didn’t matter. Just that she’d be back and he would be taken. Marisol bones right from the start. Eddie again wondering what’s wrong. Why can’t it work etc. I’m going to plug in some of the Chris and Shannon abandonment issues here with the hindsight of the season, and say something with all of that would have still happened (probably the episode 1 stuff at least) and it would have been part of what kicked off Eddie’s journey of this can’t keep happening, it’s hurting Chris now, what’s missing. Cue the cruise ship stuff and Tommy. Then cue the Tommy Eddie stuff. Buck being Buck like we saw and getting more and more agitated with it all and struggling to figure out why he’s reacting the way he is. It causing issues with Natalia over the course of the season because why does Buck care so much that Eddie is doing whatever with another guy? Cue the Tommy Eddie kiss. Cue Buck even more insane. Cue more issues with Natalia. And then eventually Eddie figuring out oh that’s what’s wrong and why I can’t make things work with these woman which dominoes into I’m gay which dominoes into the buck of it all. And then flip side we have Buck who would eventually figure out he’s jealous of Tommy because he wants to kiss Eddie which would domino into his oh I’m bi which dominos into the Eddie of it all while also concurrently dominoing the Buck Natalia Breakup Tim had ready to go.

But then everything happened that happened and the chess pieces got reshuffled and now here we are going into season 8 with Buck in a relationship and Eddie again single and why is nothing working.

👀👀👀👀👀

Nonny, I'm seriously eye-balling your meta, because I think you are right on the money here.

And now we are going into season 8 with Eddie trying to figure out why his relationships keep failing, while also missing Christopher. Buck is with Tommy and I so suspect there'll be some trouble in paradise between them by season 1.

I wonder how they will get Eddie to have his realisations in this new scenario, because there will be no Tommy to kiss him this time. Very interesting. 🤔

Thank you for sharing this!

#nonnies galore #buddie #buddie speculation #season 8 speculation #911 abc

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fredmundo · 5 months

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https://www.tumblr.com/thespermdonorstorylineisstupid/748050962962415616/we-also-dont-need-to-keep-having-people-writing

No no not mad at you sorry 😅 just frustrated in general. Because it has been happening since 7.4. Just the other day I went into the Ryan tag and the first thing there was a gif of Buck and Tommy Kissing. Eddie Diaz is being tagged in posts about how soft and great Tommy is with Buck. Buddie tag here and ao3 is being flooded with posts about Tommy. I saw one yesterday tagged Buddie and it was how the poster hoped they would get to see a ton of scenes with Buck Chris and Tommy, eddie not included. I told someone else this the other day that was confused why more and more people seem to be “snapping” at Buck Tommy Shippers, it’s because tagging exists for a reason. And we are all thrilled for canon bi Buck being confirmed finallyyyyy after all these years. But not everyone is a multi shipper. Which is fine. And not everyone is a solo shipper. Which is also fine. And the first few days after 7.4, a few incorrect tagging posts not a big deal. But here we are two weeks later and it’s still happening. ao3 stories are being labeled as Evan Buckley/ Eddie Diaz and then they are buck Tommy stories. They are being labeled buddie and pre relationship and then nothing even hints at romantic about buddie in the stories. It just focuses on Buck and Tommy. Here on tumblr the Buddie tag is getting influxed with I ship Buddie still BUT and then it’s an essay on why Tommy is so great and why everyone should think so to and if they don’t your suddenly phobic posts. Or posts about how people need to stop making bi Buck about Eddie while they then in turn make it all about Tommy 💀. Neither post however is actually about Buddie. So the growing frustration is coming from now even the people who are completely neutral about the Tommy of it all and still waiting for Buddie and just trying to enjoy the ride, now suddenly can’t seem to curate their experience because people won’t tag correctly. Every tag it’s becoming essentially shoved down people’s throats of how great Tommy is. And isn’t Tommy the best. And Tommy and Buck are so great and so in love and it’s the best thing ever. Like they had 1 bad date, and 1 kiss. Which again for the die hard Buck and Tommy shippers more power to ya. I am genuinely happy you get to experience this. But for the people neutral on this specific relationship or just not vibing with Tommy in general, trying to go into the buddie tag, or the Eddie Diaz tag, or the Ryan tag every day for two weeks and not seeing those tag related posts anymore and instead seeing Tommy Tommy Tommy I’m sure you can see where the frustration comes from and why it building and more and more arguments are breaking out. Buck and Tommy have to my knowledge their own tags and I don’t know if buddie shippers are going into them and doing the same thing there in which case my point stands for them as well to stop doing that and tag correctly. This got way wordier then I meant to and I have no idea if it makes any sense 😂 but basically

TLDR version: not mad at you specifically OP but would really like people to start tagging correctly again so people who want to see specific tag related posts can start seeing those again.

bruuuuuuh my adhd had so much trouble without paragraph breaks lmao took me a couple tries 😂😂

i get your point and i get your frustration if people are doing it to be dicks. i literally don't think i have seen any overtly positive tommy stuff in the buddie tag that doesn't also mention buddie. that doesn't mean those posts aren't there it just means i don't know how big of an issue this actually is.

the post i made that i think got you into my messages was literally pro buddie endgame and just saying i like tommy's character so it is tagged as such like everything mentioned is tagged.

but also it isn't that big of a deal if someone miss tags or directly tags things outside of bucktommy. if you don't wanna see it, scroll past it. if someone is on your post writing shit you don't wanna see, reblog it and delete the additions. that's what i do at least

and like im not even a die hard bucktommy shipper ???? i don't even think i would classify myself as a shipper. i just like that there is bisexual representation on my screen and lou is dorky and i collect dorks. but like i don't see them together or read fics or make edits for bucktommy.

looks like we can both be a little wordy anon<3😂

#chriss is trying her best but adhd is kicking her butt #chriss answers anon #anon writes a novel😂#this is all said with love and if it comes across as not love that was not the intention

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mad-as-a-box-of-frogs · 3 years

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what is the deal with jess mason?

Okay, I’m gonna try to keep this short and sweet, because there’s just so many ways Jess has pissed people off over the years (some bordering on the absurd) that I could never possibly cover it all in one short post. I’m sure many people could add their own personal encounters with her. The paragraphs below have sources in the underlined text.

Long story short, Jess was a Big Name Fan for many years, predominantly went by ibelieveinthelittletreetopper here on tumblr, got popular mostly because she wrote for the fan site The Mary Sue and would periodically interview cast and writers (like at SDCC), and more or less imploded that popularity somewhere around s14 (personally, I dropped her after she made a 10x21 post explaining why Charlie’s death Wasn’t Bad Actually, so that should give you some idea of what she’s like). I can’t remember exactly the order of events, but it can essentially be boiled down to her badmouthing the fans that saw destiel as something that was being intentionally written in the show (and hey, we were right!). For most, though, the final straw is when her post-SPN Finale article dropped, where she compared fandom finale conspiracies and people trying to make sense of it all to right wing nutjobs Qanon. Pissed quite a few people off with that one. And yet, as much as Jess constantly shits on spn fandom and seems to have nothing but disdain for us, that hasn’t stopped her from trying to make a quick buck at out us whenever possible (see her typo-riddled book and now the upcoming podcast).

Jess has kicked up quite the reputation for herself outside of SPN fandom as well. She wrote an entire ass article wherein she complained about lesbian stairway sex on an episode of Wynonna Earp being unrealistic, prompting thee showrunner of Wynonna Earp Emily Andras to fire back with “ If you have plausibility issues with sex on stairs I have some sad news about immortal cowboy demons.” Jess tried to defend herself, ending up bemoaning the fact that a “straight woman [had] come in and devalued criticism from a queer woman” except, whoops, Emily Andras is bi. (tweet from an earlier date). Emily Andras would later quote a tweet asking to start a fight with five words or less with “Reunion stair sex: implausible, uncomfortable.” I apologize for going on and on about this, I just think it’s the funniest thing to ever happen on the bird app. This isn’t even touching the people she pissed off by defending The Magicians after Quentin’s death or whatever squabble she got into with the Good omens fandom.

Now with all that being said, I need to make it clear that Jess’s bullshit goes beyond bad fandom opinions and internet squabbles and people finding her annoying. She wrote an article on sex workers using plagiarized research where she used tweets of real sex workers that ending up getting doxed, has been called out by her former coworkers at the Mary Sue for her antiblackness and her tone policing on racism, argued against a black female James Bond, and as Stichmediamix pointed out in this great rebuttal article to Jess’s ‘Fandom Conspiracies are just as dangeous as any other” article, has a disingenuous response to fans in SPN fandom as opposed to her compassionate attitude towards fandoms that have a well documented history of harassing Black Actors. There’s definitely a pattern of troubling behavior here, and I don’t bring any of this up to make light of it or treat it the same as fandom squabbling, but to impress upon you that many individuals have real reasons to be way of her.

So there you have it, anon. TLDR: Jess Mason is annoying and racist and has pissed off most of spn fandom at one time or another.

Thank you to Mel @lets-steal-an-archive for all of these sources. Her archiving skills are unmatched, and I’m eternally grateful, especially since I have a mind like a sieve.

#idk how to tag this #If you think I didn't handle the racism section well enough please let me know!!#I know these are not my experiences but I didn't want people walking away thinking it was just fandom drama

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piratefalls · 2 years

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threw this together very hastily, so it’s limited by what was in my bookmarks/how it was tagged (pay attention to the tags on some of them), so if some are listed twice well... you’re welcome. this is longer than i thought it would be. happy pride, y’all!

masterlist

asexuality spectrum

can't be undone by dottie_weewoo

“What?” Buck coughs, his voice suddenly so loud in Eddie’s ear that he winces and pulls the phone away slightly. “You what?”

He picks at the washcloth in front of him, rubbing the rough fabric between his fingers. The kitchen is dark and quiet around him, Chris long put to bed, but he still blushes and hunches his shoulders, feeling a little hunted. “Uh, I—”

Almost like he can’t stop himself, Buck interrupts, “I mean. Nothing? H-how?”

“How?” Eddie repeats hesitantly.

“How not?” Buck asks, sounding genuinely confused. The note of it in his voice only makes Eddie tense further. “What do you even mean, you don’t have any fantasies?”

Coming Up Aces by SquaresAreNotCircles

“Earth to Eddie,” Buck says. He laughs, but it sounds confused. “You’ve been staring at me all day, man. Do I have something on my face?”

“Your nose,” Eddie says. Christopher still thinks that one’s hilarious.

Or: Buck comes out as bi, which triggers a series of events that cause Eddie to realize that maybe, just maybe, he’s in love with Buck. Except logic dictates he can’t be. Except he definitely is. It’s complicated.

Cowboy Take Me Away by HMSLusitania

Figuring out he's demisexual is somehow the least troubling part of Eddie's month.

No, no, that award goes to finding out he's got a ...thing... for Buck as a cowboy.

my hands, your heart by ZainClaw

“I like being the one who gets to do it with you.” His heart throbs at his own words. “The one who gets to see you like that. I like that I’m the one you want. The one who makes you feel good. Even if I can’t feel the same thing you do. I like that I’m… the reason. It makes me feel—”

He searches for the right word, but there’s really just one that sums up what he feels.

“—happy.”

hate to say i spent it all on masquerades by hattalove

“It’s also that I like sex,” is what he says instead, and hates how pathetic it sounds. “And it’s fun, but it’s like—unless it’s with someone really important, it’s kind of the same level as going to the movies?”

Eddie smiles at him. Somehow, impossibly, it’s even softer than the last time, sweet at the edges.

“What if it is with someone really important?” he asks, and squeezes, his fingers pressing into the hollows between the bones of Buck’s hand.

or: buck picks up a pamphlet, has an existential crisis, and shows up at eddie's door, in that order.

crystal clear on a starlit night by eddiesdiaz

All his life, Eddie never realized that there was an explanation to the way he felt about sex. He had no idea there was a word that encompassed all the feelings that had always been too big and overwhelming for him to name.

He’d always assumed it was just another thing that was wrong with him. His list of flaws and shortcomings had always been a long one, after all, so it was easy to believe this, too, stemmed from being fucked up and broken beyond repair.

once bitten, twice shy by lecornergirl

“Can I tell you a secret?” he mumbles, mostly in the direction of the tabletop.

“Sure,” Hen says, and, inexplicably, glances across the bar to where Buck is playing a very intense round of darts with Chimney.

“I don’t get sex,” Eddie says, and keeps his eyes trained on the table, because he doesn’t want to see Hen’s reaction.

“Uh, you have a child,” Hen says. “Please tell me you don’t need me to explain how that happened.”

Eddie huffs a laugh. “Obviously, I understand how it works, mechanically,” he says. “I just… I don’t know, I don’t get why everyone’s so obsessed with it. Like, I think I could probably go my entire life without having sex again, and it wouldn’t be an issue.” He takes a deep breath. “I think that’s why Ana broke up with me.”

Turn Off the Heart by ElvenSorceress

It was only a favor. What Buck offered him. A good first kiss. A memorable one.

People talk about it, romanticize it, write songs and stories and poems and whatever else. The sparks, the fireworks, the moment where the world fades away and there’s nothing but the person in your arms and the taste of their mouth.

It always sounded overrated. Ridiculous even.

But. He felt it.

Buck kissed him and the world suddenly had color. Eddie saw everything through faded, foggy lenses. It was dull, muted, and the only thing that was ever vibrant were moments with his son.

But that kiss was bright, vibrant, freeing, sweet like nothing else, too.

~~~

Early s2, newly divorced Eddie asks Buck for help figuring out his sexuality.

you get me closer to god by dottie_weewoo

“I want to blow you,” Eddie blurts out.

“Um,” says Buck.

Oh for fuck’s sake, Diaz, Eddie thinks to himself. Way to ease him into the idea.

crystal clear on a starlit night by eddiesdiaz

I Hate Accidents (Except When We Went From Friends to This) by morganofthefairies

“You should just move in,” Eddie said one night. They were already laying in bed, Buck’s face half-buried in his pillow.

“Where would I sleep, Eddie,” Buck deadpanned, sleep heavy in his voice.

“Here,” Eddie said, not entirely sure how Buck missed that part. “The same place you’ve been sleeping.”

Bobby raised an eyebrow when Buck updated his address on all of the necessary paperwork, but Eddie wasn’t entirely sure what the big deal was.

~~~~~~~

Buck and Eddie had always been unconventional. Neither of them gave it much thought – they were just them. Buck and Eddie - partners, best friends, co-parents – just as entangled in each other’s lives as any actual couple in the 118.

Or, the story of how Buck and Eddie went about their relationship in entirely the wrong order.

The Aftermath of Liberation and Love Confessions by ElvenSorceress

After a very long year of one terrible thing after another, Eddie has a brand new life strategy. It’s called not giving a shit.

There’s the fire of a challenge in Buck’s eyes and a clench in the set of his jaw, and come on, it’s not as if Eddie forced Buck into dating the reporter. Not like he pays it any mind whatsoever. It was doomed from the start. She’s not good enough for him. She’s a terrible fit for him. Buck’s clearly been miserable for months.

Still, Buck says, “Yeah, Eddie. Why don’t you teach us. What would you say if you were professing your love?”

You mean something besides, “In the event of my untimely death, I made you legal guardian of my child”?

Eddie stares back at him. He breathes deeply, and since his renewed life philosophy is not giving a shit and not being ashamed and finally reaching freedom, why the fuck not...

~~~

In which Eddie comes out, sexuality is complicated but coffee is not, Buck makes an excessive salad and is also roasted, everyone has a love confession, and December is the most dramatic time of year.

tread lightly on my ground by lecornergirl

“Do you want to stop?” Buck asks.

“No,” Eddie says again, and tilts his head back to look at the ceiling. Maybe it’ll be easier to say it out loud, he thinks, if he isn’t looking directly at Buck. “I want this—god, Buck, you have no idea how much I want this.”

“I feel like I have some idea,” Buck says, and shifts his hips against Eddie’s with a smirk. The contact sends sparks down Eddie’s spine, and Buck grins at the noise he lets out.

“Yeah, okay,” Eddie allows, and huffs half a laugh. “It’s just—I’ve never, with a man—what if—”

grooves otherwise unseen by extasiswings

The thing is…Buck knows people have always wanted him. When he was a dumbass trimmed down college kid with vanity muscles and a reputation for eating out like a champion. When he was in the academy. And definitely now. He can walk into a room of single people and pick someone up in ten minutes—not that he would anymore, not that he wants to, but…people want him. Or at least, they want to sleep with him.

He’s old enough now to know that those two things aren’t equivalent. Which, maybe, really should mean he should love this.

bisexuality

everything (nothing) has changed by zeppazariel

After Eddie gets shot, Buck confesses his love. From there, things get a little out of hand.

***

Buck breathes for a moment, then sets his shoulders. "Eddie, there's something I have to tell you."

"Do you?" Eddie asks flatly, still alarmed and doing his best to hide it. "I would've never guessed."

Buck swallows. "Eddie, I love you."

"Are you softening the blow, or buttering me up? Because, I've got to tell you, I'm still very worried regardless," Eddie tells him.

"No, you don't understand. I love you. I'm currently in love with you," Buck says as evenly as possible, and even then, his voice wobbles precariously there for a moment. He exhales. "You don't have to worry about it, though, because I've processed it and decided to—to find relief in telling you before moving on and moving forward."

Eddie stares at him. No response at all.

Well, at least he's not freaking out.

I Know a Place We Can Go by maybeamystery

“Well, that was heartwarming,” Chimney says loudly. “Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, let’s go save some lives. In WeHo. Where Buck goes to gay bars because he is apparently a bisexual now.”

“I’ve always been a bisexual,” Buck sniffs. “You just didn’t notice.”

“There are gay bars outside of WeHo,” Hen adds. “Just saying.”

[5 times Buck and Eddie get hit on in West Hollywood and 1 time they definitely do not]

Your Kiss Might Kill Me (So Won't You Kill Me) by morganofthefairies

Buck hadn’t been a virgin by the time he’d hit Peru – not even close. He still considered Peru a critical point in his sexual history, though, because Peru had brought him Fiona, and he was pretty sure he could credit her with like 80% of his sexual knowledge.

None of that was the point, though. The point was that, six years later, when Eddie called for the jaws to get to a woman pinned in her car while responding to an 8-car pileup, and absentmindedly called him a good boy as Buck handed them over, he had a totally normal reaction to it.

you can shake the world by autumnchills

When Buck lacks the words of comfort he wishes he had for his friends, he turns to his other newfound talent— drawing. Though he's no artist, he's about to give it all he's got to put some pep in his friends’ steps.

Alternatively, 5 times Buck gives a special post-it note to someone in the station and 1 time someone gives one to him.

Coming Up Aces by SquaresAreNotCircles

“Earth to Eddie,” Buck says. He laughs, but it sounds confused. “You’ve been staring at me all day, man. Do I have something on my face?”

“Your nose,” Eddie says. Christopher still thinks that one’s hilarious.

Reset the Clock by ElvenSorceress

It’s been seven months, two weeks, and five days since he’s kissed anyone.

Not that he’s keeping track. It’s a long time. He’s hard up. He’ll admit it. He’s lonely. Even Hen and Chimney say Eddie is hot. It’s not a big deal. It’s completely objective. Maybe what he thought about Abby, what he felt and longed for, maybe it wasn’t… Maybe she didn’t…

Maybe no one has ever loved him.

But he doesn’t want to think about that. She’ll come back eventually. She will. They’re still together. She’s just busy. He’s fine waiting.

He’d wait forever if it meant someone would love him.

right here waiting by blackandwhiteandrose

Buck's new girlfriend is kind of perfect.

As much as Eddie knows he should like her, he just… can’t.

Of course, he wants his best friend to be happy, but this -her - it’s too much.

He’d thought maybe they could finally get their shit together. Maybe they could get together. He’d been waiting for a chance. He’d been willing to try. He even made a plan.

Then she showed up.

calling out for somebody to hold tonight by lecornergirl

Buck’s going to find that person, one day, and Eddie’s destined to live the rest of his life watching someone else have the life he so desperately wants.

He peels his forehead off the bar and props his chin in his hand, signalling the bartender and asking for tequila.

“Everything okay?” the bartender asks.

“I’m in love with my best friend,” Eddie admits, just for the novelty of saying it out loud. It’s not like he’s going to get many other chances. Then he downs the shot.

The bartender winces in sympathy. “And you don’t think—”

“Oh, never,” Eddie says, with a laugh that sounds hollow even to his own ears. “Can I get another tequila?”

Cowboy Take Me Away by HMSLusitania

Figuring out he's demisexual is somehow the least troubling part of Eddie's month.

No, no, that award goes to finding out he's got a ...thing... for Buck as a cowboy.

I Want To Know Your Plans by morganofthefairies

Eddie wasn’t as oblivious as everyone seemed to think he was. That isn’t to say he was the most observant person in the world, but this thing with him and Buck? He saw it.

That isn’t to say he knew what to do with it, but he at least knew there was something more than friendship between them.

~~~

I was inspired by jealous!Eddie from last night's episode (s4e12: Treasure Hunt), but this turned out less angsty than I intended. Poor Eddie is just too confused to be properly angsty.

burned, about to burn, still on fire by charliesarrows

Buck is tired of chasing after people who don't want him. Eddie is tired of wanting what he's too afraid to chase.

fell on hard times a year ago (was hoping you would let it go) by ShyAudacity

He doesn’t get more than five feet away before someone- an overly dressed man in a suit with a pink purple blue heart-shaped pin stuck to the lapel of his jacket- is stopping Buck on his way to the bar and asking if he’d like to dance.

And for a moment, Eddie is so struck with jealousy that he can’t think of anything else.

“Sorry,” Buck says with a smile. “I’m accounted for, but that’s very kind of you.”

Eddie doesn’t hear anything after that. Only the roaring of his own heart in his ears as it begins to beat in triple time. The overwhelming envy from a minute is still lingering, only adding to the absolute, all-consuming panic that is flooding his system. He can’t see Buck anymore and he doesn’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing.

Why am I jealous? Am I jealous? That guy was probably harmless, what does it matter if he wanted to dance with Buck? Do I wanna dance with Buck? Why would I want to dance with Buck I’m not even-?

Oh shit. Oh God, how did I not see it?

Eddie learns something about himself and takes a minute to get used to it.

you're a real life fantasy by ColorMeParanoid

"Would you fuck me?" Buck asked so suddenly that Eddie nearly choked on his coffee. Chimney, who was walking up to join them in their little rec room area turned on his heel and stumbled down the stairs in an effort to avoid this upcoming conversation. Eddie couldn’t even blame him for running away. This was a lot, even for Buck.

"What?"

Not deterred in the slightest by Eddie’s obvious shock, Buck said, “Not to sound vain or anything, but I work hard to keep my ass in shape. And yet, nobody seems to care.”

(Or, the one where Buck wants to fulfil a certain fantasy and Eddie is more than happy to lend him a helping dick)

burned, about to burn, still on fire by charliesarrows

Buck is tired of chasing after people who don't want him. Eddie is tired of wanting what he's too afraid to chase.

After Everything I Must Confess, I Need You by 13zepptraxx

“And Christopher? Would he be okay?”

Buck shakes his head. “Don’t do that. Don’t hold him over me.”

“If you’re gonna talk about sacrificing yourself, then yeah- I do need to do that.” Eddie snaps. There’s a pause as Buck shuts his eyes and takes a breath. When he opens them, a tear falls from his eye before he can stop it. “If you’re gone, and something happens to me-”

“You can’t just bring that up every time I do something that’s maybe reckless.” Buck snaps back, and Eddie’s breath catches in his throat. “I didn’t realize when you made me Chris’s guardian that it was just a failsafe to keep me from doing stupid shit.”

The undone and the divine by justhockey

He hasn’t set foot inside a church since he left home and never looked back.

It feels like a lie, now. To walk inside such a hollow building and have his trauma fill every open space until there’s no room left for Buck to breathe. He feels like a fraud for being here, like everyone who sees him will know he doesn’t belong.

Actually, Truly by MilenaDaniels

Isabel calls to tell them Eddie's been shot on a Thursday afternoon and by lunch on Friday Helena and Ramon are landing at LAX. When they land, they learn Eddie's already home recovering and has been for two weeks.

----

Or, Helena (and Ramon) tries to find a way back into Eddie's life and doesn't know what to make of finding Buck around every corner she turns.

if I can't have you I'll walk this life alone by ShyAudacity

Buck must be cheating on him. That’s the only explanation Eddie can come up with as to why Buck’s been so secretive lately.

Eddie would bring it up- ask Buck if something’s going on that he doesn’t know about- but a part of him doesn’t want to know the answer. For now, Eddie would rather just pretend that things are fine. The potential destruction of his relationship can wait until after the new year.

He wants to hold onto this for as long as he can. Whatever is left of it, anyway.

Buck is hiding something from Eddie (but it's not as bad as he thinks).

A Life in Your Shape by thelightwitch

“I’m not talking about the team,” Eddie says, and his voice sounds oddly quiet. “I’m talking about me and Chris. We’re your family.” “I appreciate you saying that, man. But you don’t mean it… not the way I want you to.” “How do you know?” Eddie asks softly. “Because.” Buck looks up, and Eddie’s warm brown eyes are so close, practically inviting him to get lost in them, the way they do every time Eddie gives him his undivided attention. “Because you mean it like I’m your best friend and I’m Chris’s favorite babysitter. And I love being those things, but I want more. I – I wanna be an actual family.” “Okay,” Eddie says slowly. “Okay, let’s be an actual family.”

In the aftermath of Red's death, Buck and Eddie find their way together.

where the shadows can’t follow by autumnchills

And what are you two getting up to?” Athena asked. “Did she rope you into this?”

“No,” May said, assertion heavy in her tone. “We’re dismantling the patriarchy.”

“Oh?” Athena raised an eyebrow and shared a look with Bobby.

“Mhm,” May hummed. “One nail at a time.”

—

On his day off, Buck goes over to the Grant-Nash household for lunch. In the evening, Eddie comes over for dinner. Somehow, all of that turns his day into painted nails and unconditional love.

no kingdom to come by waywardrenegades

Family, FaceTime, guilt trips, phone calls, church, heart healthy meals, and learning how to let yourself be happy. Whatever that looks like.

or; when his father experiences a health scare, Eddie flies to El Paso.

i'm begging for you (to take my hand) by sirencalls

Buck hadn’t wanted someone to tell him that he’s in the right, that it’s not his fault. Because everything with Daniel sure as hell feels like it’s his fault. He tells himself that if his genes would have been just a little stronger, if they would have matched just a little better, then maybe his parents would have loved him.

(AKA the breakdown after 4x05 that Buck deserved to have.)

of men and of angels by extasiswings

For now we see in a mirror, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know fully even as also I was fully known. - 1 Corinthians 13:12

Eddie Diaz learns a lot as a kid.

Boys aren’t soft.

Boys don’t cry.

Boys don’t kiss boys.

As he gets older, he realizes that everything has exceptions. Boys can be soft sometimes. Boys can cry sometimes. And some boys kiss other boys.

But Eddie likes kissing girls. And since he likes kissing girls, that’s the end of the story.

Isn’t it?

[Or: the one with all the repression]

a rush, a glance, a touch (that sends you reeling) by melancholicslaughter

Someone’s definitely gonna see… you sure you wanna do it here?”

“Yeah, it’ll be fine,” Eddie said dismissively, hands already roaming up Buck’s arm to his chest, lightly dragging blunt nails across pectoral muscles clothed in the dark cotton work shirt, the motion reminiscent of clawing, desperate and primal. “Besides, I need you… right now,” he whispered, voice low and suggestive.

And despite all of the red flags, the obvious warnings lining the road to the ambulance doors, Buck grinned back at Eddie, bit his lip, and opened the door. “After you.”

---

The one where Buck and Eddie hook up around the firehouse and think they're going to get away with it, but don't (featuring Hen and Chim being iconic).

Coming Out

waiting to welcome you home by elisela

Even if Eddie hadn’t thought he was the most attractive man he’s ever seen, how was he not supposed to fall in love with someone like Buck?

you can shake the world by autumnchills

Alternatively, 5 times Buck gives a special post-it note to someone in the station and 1 time someone gives one to him.

Dear Maddie by holyfudgemonkeys

Maddie fears the worst when Buck's letters and postcards stop coming.

Six months later, another turns up.

Blueberry Math by middyblue

In which Buck shows up on Athena's doorstep in the middle of the night again, eats some blueberry pie, and comes out.

without losing a piece of me (how do i get to heaven?) by wafflesofdoom

eddie diaz had been baptised at six weeks old, born into a devout catholic family - the kind that went to mass every sunday, and enrolled in sunday school. it had defined his childhood and in so many ways it defined the adult he'd grown to become and maybe that had been the root of the problem, all along.

(he wasn't gay. no - of course he wasn't. he'd have known - wouldn't he?)

- or, eddie comes out. with a side serving of good old fashioned catholic guilt, pining, and hard conversations.

i just wanna tell you how i'm feeling by probieravi

Buck thrusts his phone into Eddie’s hand, opened to their text thread, and—oh. It’s a picture that Ravi sent him that Eddie obviously sent to Buck immediately, because it was—actually, he doesn’t really know why he sent it to Buck. Ravi sends him random shit like that all the time, from memes to TikToks, and usually, Eddie just reacts to the messages with a laugh or a thumbs up and leaves it at that.

But Frank’s been telling him to express himself without words, since Eddie is, according to Frank, emotionally constipated sometimes, and so—he just sent it without thinking.

Eddie glances at the picture, mouth quirking a little in the corner.

“It’s a meme,” Eddie says, raising an eyebrow at Buck. “I know you know what that is. You’re the one who taught me what they were.”

or, healing through shitty memes sure is cathartic.

the stars shine for the two of us by lecornergirl

“So you hate kissing booths then?” Hen asks, fixing him with a curious glance that darts to Buck and back so fast he thinks he might be imagining it.

Not exactly. But there’s a reason he doesn’t want to do the kissing booth, and it’s not a reason he’s about to say out loud to his entire team. So he jumps on it.

“Yeah,” he says. “I just think—kissing should be for a reason, you know?” Which isn’t even untrue.

“Cute,” Chimney says. “I always knew you were a romantic.”

“Is raising money for charity not enough of a reason for you?” Hen asks.

“I just—” Eddie says and chances a look at Buck, hoping no one catches it. Buck’s face is impassive, revealing nothing, but Eddie’s pretty sure Buck hasn’t looked his way since he said the words kissing booth.

So that’s something.

an unplanned proclamation by autumnchills

Buck isn’t always one for planning. If it involves others or things outside of his expertise, he will, but otherwise, he’s always been a wing it sort of a guy— and he’s good at it. He’s always prided himself on that. He was the friend that people looked to for an adventure— it’d never been a bad thing. He just hopes that this specific unplanned thing plays out in his favor.

See, Buck didn’t wake up with the plan to come out to all of his friends today, and yet here he was doing it anyway.

we'll survive, cause parents ain't always right by squidded

His accomplishments aren't something to be shrugged off; he's a decorated veteran, he's a good father, he's a good brother, he's a good firefighter and if the encouragement is anything to go by, he's a great partner.

But that's the crux of it.

He wants to be a good son too. He wants his parents to be proud, to approve, he wants them to smile and clap his shoulders and say well done. It's not that he doesn't think he's doing a good job, he knows he is, it's just that he wants them to see it too, to tell him they see it.

--- Therapy has helped Eddie come to certain understandings within his life. It's time to inform his parents.

Hopeless Times Call For Rainbow Sprinkles by znks

"Buck didn’t look Eddie in the eye as he slipped out of the room, just in case he accidentally blurted something out like ‘hey, by the way, your son somehow knows I’m in love with you and he’s dropping some heavy hints that he’s chill with it’.

Christopher kept coming back from the library with rainbow books, he’d added kids’ movies with same-sex parents to their queue, and he’d looked Buck right in the eye when he’d picked a balloon that said ‘pride’ on it at a fair."

Or, Christopher has run out of goddamn patience so he's taking matters into his own hands.

call me by your name by ipretendtobesane

5 times someone calls buck 'diaz' not knowing he was married and the 1 time they call eddie 'diaz' too

Finally found it right here by justhockey

He just wants to sleep. But then Eddie is placing a gentle hand on his shoulder and shaking.

“Buck, what did you just say?”

Buck huffs out a sigh. “I said Maddie is in lab-“

Oh fuck.

you're on the tip of my tongue by winteryknights

aka 4 times Buck and Eddie try to tell their friends about their relationship + 1 time they all figure it out on their own

The Doctor is In by stellarmeadow

Eddie took a deep breath, letting it out slowly before he said, “Okay, maybe it’s my brain that’s too loud for me to sleep.”

“So what’s rattling around in there?”

“How did you—” Eddie closed his eyes for a moment, then opened them again. “No, when—I mean…did you always know you were gay?” he got out at last.

Gay

give me five more minutes, baby (i'm not finished loving you) by lecornergirl

This is a mistake. Buck has made a giant fucking mistake, because he’s kind of catastrophically in love with his best friend—who, apparently, wants someone else—and now he’s about to spend an entire day with him looking like that and pretending to be his boyfriend.

He barely survived Eddie calling him hot, patronising and obviously joking as it was. He doesn’t know how he’s going to get through the wedding ceremony, and the reception, and another night in the same bed lying so close yet so far away. He’d woken this morning with his arm draped across Eddie’s waist, nose pressed against Eddie’s shoulder—they’d fallen asleep facing away from each other but come together in the night regardless, and there’s something poetic about it that Buck can’t think about too hard or the words stuck in his throat might spill out.

burned, about to burn, still on fire by charliesarrows

Buck is tired of chasing after people who don't want him. Eddie is tired of wanting what he's too afraid to chase.

said i couldn't stay, but it's different now by hattalove

“I think,” he says, watching Karen pull Hen out onto the dance floor, their eyes never leaving each other’s, “I think I’m just—sad.”

Maybe. That feels like a close enough word to describe this gaping maw right in the center of his chest. It’s only really there sometimes, taking little bites out of him, easy enough to ignore, but today is worse.

“About being single at a wedding,” Eddie says, not a question.

Buck shrugs. “Sounds stupid when you put it that way.”

or, the one with the four weddings (feat. a drunk karen wilson, shania twain, a single cheerio, and some confessions over cubed fruit).

the stars shine for the two of us by lecornergirl

“So you hate kissing booths then?” Hen asks, fixing him with a curious glance that darts to Buck and back so fast he thinks he might be imagining it.

Not exactly. But there’s a reason he doesn’t want to do the kissing booth, and it’s not a reason he’s about to say out loud to his entire team. So he jumps on it.

“Yeah,” he says. “I just think—kissing should be for a reason, you know?” Which isn’t even untrue.

“Cute,” Chimney says. “I always knew you were a romantic.”

“Is raising money for charity not enough of a reason for you?” Hen asks.

So that’s something.

why don't you move into me by thoughtsickles

Eddie’s mistake is bemoaning the state of his house, how now he can’t even do the dishes or anything. He glances at Buck and catches a fervent sort of expression. The expression Buck wears when he’s about to jump into a burning window. Eddie doesn’t need Buck to save him, not from this.

He fears he doesn’t really have a choice.

Eddie injures his arm, Buck helps him out.

what my heart used to dream of by soyxunxperdedor

Two weeks to the day that Eddie returns from Texas, Buck shows up on his doorstep with a duffel bag and a nervous smile.

“Why did you knock?” Eddie asks suspiciously.

“Because letting myself in with my key feels a bit presumptuous when I’m here to ask if I can crash on your couch for an indeterminate amount of time.”

Eddie bites back the gut instinct to say as if you have to ask. “Of course you can. Why, though?” He adds as he steps aside.

Buck heaves a world weary sigh as he drops his bag next to the couch and then plops down on the cushions.

“Taylor and I broke up.”

(when it's you and i) i'm always home by lecornergirl

Eddie lets his hands slip lower until they’re under Buck’s waistband, just resting against the warm skin of his lower stomach. If he spread his fingers, his pinky would just reach the crease of his thigh. “I have an idea,” he breathes against Buck’s skin, against the spot just behind his ear.

“I’m in,” Buck says immediately, turning his head to press his lips to Eddie’s jaw.

“You don’t even know what my idea is.”

“Pretty sure I’m gonna be into it.”

“Oh, good,” Eddie says, pulling his hands free and taking a step back. “There’s so much laundry to fold.”

lucky just to linger in your light by hattalove

“And it always—I always get all red and stupid when he smiles that way—”

“I'm aware,” Hen cuts in.

“And I just had all these feelings. I had to tell someone, and I can't tell Buck or Chris, and I want you to actually stay my friend, so.”

“So you told the biggest newspaper in the country.”

Eddie sighs. “Second biggest,” he says, one of the many things Buck has taught him over the years. “But that's—yeah. That's definitely a thing I did.”

in which eddie accidentally waxes poetic about buck to the new york times.

never know what you might find (when dreams come true) by lecornergirl

“Fuck, it’s so stupid,” Eddie says. “It’s embarrassing. I mean, I had one dream about the guy—okay, two dreams, whatever—and now I’m, fucking, tripping over my own feet and knocking things over, and like, my pulse is racing and my mouth goes all dry and—”

“And you’re sure you’re not attracted to him?” Frank asks.

“I—uh. Maybe?” Eddie says, and feels a little like the floor is, actually, opening up and tipping him into free-fall. Because the things he’s just described… they don’t not sound like attraction, if he thinks about it.

“What the fuck,” he says. “Am I—Frank. Am I gay?”

Non-binary/Gender Related

I Feel Pretty by rebeccaofsbfarm

After Buck's curiosity is piqued when Eddie screenshots one of his snaps, he enlists Maddie to help him feel *pretty* for Eddie. When she's finished with him, he's surprised by how comfortable he feels in the gray area of gender expression.

Let your heart bloom by secondhandsunlight

Buck’s just out shopping for some new t-shirts when he sees it. It pulls to the surface a piece of himself he’d pushed so far back in his mind he had forgotten about it. The fabric is soft underneath his fingers, and he’s struck with a want he hasn’t felt in years. It’s so strong it almost knocks the breath out of him.

princesa chronicles by eddiegirl

Buck feels… pretty.

He likes feeling pretty. He’s just worried maybe Eddie will think he’s weird for it, that maybe Eddie won’t be attracted to him any longer.

Pride Related

LA Pride by natural_singularity

Every year, the LAFD is invited to join the Los Angeles Pride Parade in West Hollywood. And every year, the LAFD asks stations to volunteer to represent the department, and they choose a station at random. The 118 has volunteered every year since Bobby was made captain, but has never been selected. This year is different.

waiting to welcome you home by elisela

Even if Eddie hadn’t thought he was the most attractive man he’s ever seen, how was he not supposed to fall in love with someone like Buck?

Coming Through the Fog by matan4il

But Pride isn’t an event for Buck.

i realised, ain't gotta hide this heart of mine by prettyboybuckley

Eddie has never been to pride before.

He's never had the guts to go, not even as an ally. He knows that Buck has been going with Hen and Karen ever since he joined the department and that two years ago Maddie and Chim also joined. Actually, he's pretty sure that May also went last year.

But over the past year Eddie has done some self-discovery.

OR: Eddie comes out - even if he hasn't quite figured everything out - goes to pride and gets his man

Queer

i just wanna tell you how i'm feeling by probieravi

But Frank’s been telling him to express himself without words, since Eddie is, according to Frank, emotionally constipated sometimes, and so—he just sent it without thinking.

Eddie glances at the picture, mouth quirking a little in the corner.

“It’s a meme,” Eddie says, raising an eyebrow at Buck. “I know you know what that is. You’re the one who taught me what they were.”

or, healing through shitty memes sure is cathartic.

Trans

When You Find a Name by aroofstories

Evan took another deep breath and then just said, "Could you please call me Evan? At least when our parents aren’t around."

"Sure?" Maddie said, but it came out sounding like a question. "But why?"

Evan sat up at that and turned his gaze to the floor, not able to look at his sister as he said in a small voice, "Because I’m a boy."

"Oh," Maddie said, taking a moment to think about it. Then she pulled Evan into a hug and said, "Okay, Evan."

Evan sighed in relief and let the hug comfort him.

OR 5 times Buck asked to be called Evan after joining the 118 plus 1 time he got a new name.

exhale by transbuck

Now, Buck had wanted to see his sister again, but he never wanted the first time he sees her in three years to be when they're both completely naked. To be fair to himself, though, he had literally no reason to think that the woman in his shower was anyone but his estranged girlfriend.

Focus by transboysora

The reasoning behind the intensity is just under his tongue now, lingers unendingly beneath the skin of his hands like an itch he just can't scratch. Constant as his own shadow.

And dear god, is Eddie the sun.

Honey on the Vine by sirencalls

Buck wakes up to an Eddie with stubble for the first time in months and refuses to let a good opportunity to go waste.

Signo de los Tiempos by EtoileGarden

He’d had low grade nausea all morning, but had powered through it anyway, going for a jog, drinking a smooth, showering, dressing, heading to work. When he’d stepped into the station and smelled bacon cooking up in the loft upstairs - Bobby already hard at work on making breakfast for the shift - Buck’s brain had done a little complicated maneuver in which it attempted to tell him something like, mm bacon, but instead had tripped him up with an alert warning that he was about to evacuate his smoothie from his stomach.

#buddie #Eddie diaz #Evan buckley #buckeddie #911 #911 on fox #911 fic #fic rec

80 notes · View notes

anon911andbuddie · 3 years

Note

May and Buck are spending an afternoon together and start talking about friends and college and they end up talking about Eddie and a girl who is May's friend. They point to eachother that their crushes are showing. Cue to bi panic!

Claimed by Red

Warnings: Bi panic (from experience), feelings

Coffee with a Dash of Panic (Part 2 here)

Buck was excited. Today, he was taking May out for coffee and they were going to talk about anything and everything not related to work.

Buck bounded up the steps to May’s apartment, knocking bright and chipper. It took a minute for May to open the door, where she met the blinding smile of Buck. “Just give me two seconds and I’ll be ready to go,” May spoke as she walked back into her apartment.

“No worries, I’m early,” Buck responded, stepping into the apartment and closing the door behind him. He glanced around, smiling as he took in the home-y feel of the apartment, “this place is really nice, May. It looks a lot better without all the boxes lying around.”

May laughed as she exited her bedroom again, “that’s what Mom and Bobby said a few days ago. I like it, it feels like my space now.”

“I’m glad...no one’s given you any trouble, right?”

May rolled her eyes as she grabbed her purse and faced Buck, “no Dad, no one has given me trouble. All my neighbors have been nice and welcoming.”

Buck gave a playful scoff and raised his hands placatingly, “sorry for trying to make sure that my little sis was doing alright.”

May laughed, lightly hitting his chest as she opened the door to let him out. “Shut up.”

Coffee Shop

Buck sat quietly for a moment, May was laughing at a joke he’d just told. She looks good, happy...Buck’s excited for her to be entering this new phase of her life. When May stops laughing, she smiles at Buck, posture relaxed. “What,” she asks with a little chuckle.

“I’m just so proud of you...and so excited for this next chapter of your life.”

May’s smile became more private, just for the two of them. “To be honest, I’m still nervous. I know I’ve been in college for a few months, but I keep feeling like things might, I don’t know-”

“Come crumbling down?” At May’s nod, Buck continued, “that’s how I felt when I first went to college. I was fresh out of my parents’ house and I kept thinking that they were going to show up and drag me back home...then I blew my college money on a motorcycle for attention and I began traveling the world, tying to join the SEALs and eventually made my way to where I am...so I had to do something right. Because I found the family I’ve always wanted.”

May lightly hit his arm, “and that’s supposed to make me feel better? You just told me that you blew your college fund on a motorcycle and aimlessly wandered the world for years.”

“But eventually I got to where I needed to be! That was the point of the story,” Buck laughed lightly. “It wasn’t all bad, the college that I went to. The course work was relatively easy...but that’s because at that time, I absorbed just about any fact or lecture given to me. I met someone I thought I would spend my life with...but she turned out to only want the ‘fun times’ and nothing else. I made some friends, I still keep in touch with a couple of them...this is a great age, May. You get to meet people from all different backgrounds, grow in your knowledge of the world...maybe you’ll meet your ‘special someone’.”

May’s eyes turned to her drink as her finger trailed the rim of the cup. “In my History 201 class, I met this girl...she’s probably my best friend out of everyone I’ve met...I always want to spend my time with her and we’re both thinking about the same major, so we’ll be in pretty much the same classes for the rest of our undergrad.”

Buck bit his lip to keep his smile from blooming his face. “Best friend, huh? Tell me more.”

May glanced up before immediately looking back at her cup. “She’s sweet, absolutely beautiful...probably the goddess Aphrodite reincarnated. She’s down to Earth, one in a million...she makes me laugh even when I’m feeling down and I trust her like I’ve never trusted anyone before. What is that you told me about you and Eddie? You have each other’s backs?”

“Yeah, after we removed a live grenade from another man’s leg, we promised to have each other’s backs...and that’s transpired past work and into our personal lives. I don’t think I’ve ever trusted anyone more than I trust Eddie. If you’ve found that with your friend, I’m so happy for you.”

“I think I have...she’s honestly the best. I’d do anything for her...I always want to spend time with her...hell, she was over at my apartment last night because she’d never seen the original Star Wars trilogy so we binged all three movies.”

“Having a best friend is like that...it’s how Eddie and I are...he’s slowly educating me on all the movies Chim teases me about not knowing.”

“I feel like we’re two halves of the same soul.”

“I think your crush is showing, May...but I know what you mean.”

“What? I don’t have a crush,” May spluttered. “She’s just-she’s my best friend!”

At Buck’s amused smirk, May glared at him, “if my crush is showing, so is yours! You said your situation with Eddie is the same!”

“I don’t have a crush on Eddie,” Buck denied, “we’re just-”

“Coparenting his kid? Constantly spending time together? Constantly in each other’s space? Sending heart eyes at the other when they aren’t looking?”

Buck gaped, his face beginning to flush. “At least I’m not gushing about how beautiful Eddie is and calling him Aphrodite reincarnated!”

It was May’s turn to become bashful, “that’s a totally platonic thing to say! I’m platonically telling you how beautiful she is!”

Buck and May stare at one another, eyes widening further. “We’re in love with our best friends,” they spoke together quietly.

“What do we do,” May asked.

Buck shook his head, “I don’t know...I’m 30 years old for fuck’s sake! I’m too old to have a sexuality crisis,” he hissed.

May was quiet for a moment. She pulled out her phone. “What are you doing,” Buck asked.

May held up a finger, shushing Buck. “Hey, Dad...can you meet Buck and I at the Coffee shop on Main?” May listened for a moment, “no, no emergency...we just-you’ll understand when you get here....yeah, thanks...Love you too.”

Buck gaped at May, “no! You did not just call your dad down here to talk to us about our Bi Panic!”

“Our ‘Bi Panic’? Is that what we’re calling it?”

__________________

“So you called me down here because Buck, a 30 year old grown man, is having a sexuality crisis because of his feelings for his best friend, Eddie....and because you are also having a crisis over your best friend, Destiny?”

“What do we do, Dad?”

Michael sighed, sitting heavily in the chair between the two. “Okay, here’s what you’re going to do...”

#Buddie #Evan Buckley x Eddie Diaz #Eddie Diaz x Evan Buckley #Evan Buckley #May Grant #May x OFC #by red #Coffee with a dash of panic #prompt fill #Michael Grant #Michael is their savior #no #I'm not taking any criticism #Michael Grant to the rescue #eddie diaz

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jamie-leah · 3 years

Text

War of Wolves (22) Finale

Season 1

Episode 22 - Everything Has Changed

Bucky x Reader

Summary: You have been on the streets for the past two years, ever since your accident that left you with the ability to tell if someone is lying. You work as an informant for the white wolf and his mob but you had never met him…until you overhear a phone call that leads you to saving his life. Now he wants you to work for him. Its an offer you couldn’t refuse…right?

Word Count: 1634

Warnings: Cliffhanger, swearing

A/N: Its the end Lovelies, I can't believe the journey its been with these characters! If you don't like cliffhangers I would advise not to read this part and take the previous episode as the last. I want to thank you all for the love and enthusiasm for this series and for loving them as much as me.

<---Previous Episode

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The weeks of recovery were long but you knew you were in the best hands. Bucky put work on the back foot to look after you despite your protests.

You had been having a hard time sleeping though, ever since waking up and finding Bucky in the hall. Dreams of the past and a future that sometimes scares you.

It got so bad that you went to med bay to talk to the Doc about it, to see if he could give you anything. He was reluctant and I was too. He suggested talking about it, professionally. But no matter who you chose, you didn’t think they would quite understand the type of life you lead. You could never be totally honest with them and that would defeat the point.

You didn’t acknowledge how bad or strange it all was until you woke up with a start. The room was bright, the one you shared with Bucky. He was nowhere to be seen but a note was left on his pillow

“Come to the reception room when you’re awake”.

Which is odd, we only usually use that room for certain Client’s. Either way, you were distracted. You had a dream last night that felt more than a dream and it was starting to become troublesome.

The dream itself was nothing bad, in fact it was happy, lovely. Bucky had thrown you a surprise party, balloons and friends and family celebrating your recovery. It was lovely, one of the best dreams you had had for a long time, but it still left you with a sense that something was off.

You get dressed and make your way to the reception room lost in thought, that’s why when you open the door and hear “SURPIRSE!” you almost scream the place down.

Hand on chest, you take in the sight of balloons, banners and food. Everyone you love a few others were smiling broadly at you, Steve, Sam, Peggy and the kids, Darren even made an appearance. But your eyes were on Bucky and his wolfish grin.

“Did you do this?”, you ask.

Bucky shrugs casually, “maybe”.

Bucky walks across the room to you, holding you close and leans you down in front of everyone to kiss you deeply. Love and passion sweeping across the both of you, the sound of howls, whoops and cheering the only thing keeping you from tearing into each other.

Bucky pulls back with a broad smile before lifting you back up and turning to the crowd, “everyone, as you know we’ve been through a lot over the last year. We’ve lost good people, and parts of ourselves while trying to keep the organisation going and keeping each other safe. But we’ve also found new love, and welcomed another member into our family, Tommy”, Bucky gestures to the sleeping baby in Peggy’s arms.

Everyone cheers at the shout out before Bucky continues, “I wanted to celebrate Y/N’s recovery. I wanted to celebrate the people that made it possible for her to be here today. I also wanted to give everyone a reprieve. Things will only be more difficult for a while. We have Isaac and Harry to track down and we have other enemies to prove we’re still the strongest enterprise out there. They will be coming for us, but I wanted to take this moment to say we’ll be ready. I also wanted to take this moment to thank you all, for standing by me through it all.”

Bucky looks down at you with something fierce in his eyes, a love and devotion that you’ve never seen in another human being before, “to us!”, he shouts as he raises a glass to the room.

You wake up with a start, panting from feeling yourself trying to wake up. The dream was so vivid, it felt real…

You look to the pillow next to you and you see the note from your dream, the exact placing, the exact wording from Bucky.

You don’t even bother changing out of your pyjamas as you rush from the room. You make your way to the reception room as fast as possible, almost bashing into people trying to get to your one goal.

You mumble apologies until you make it to the doors of the reception room holding your breath. You hesitate with your hands on the knobs, you didn’t want this to be true, but hiding from it wouldn’t make it not true either.

You swallow despite your dry mouth and swing the doors open to “SURPRISE!”…

All through the party you convince yourself that it’s a coincidence. You don’t tell anyone, not even Bucky what you’re thinking but its all you can focus on until Peggy catches you on your own.

“Is everything okay?”, she asks, concern etched into her friendly face.

You nod, “yes”, and distract her by fussing with Tommy for a while.

By the end of the day, as night creeps in you feel exhausted by going through all the possibilities in your head.

Bucky takes you away into a private corner with another grin on his face just like he did with the surprise and for a moment you forget your troubles as you smirk back, “what is it Buck?”, you ask.

He grins wider, “I have another surprise for you.”

You shake your head with a small smile, “I don’t think I can handle any more surprises right now Bucky.”

He strokes your cheek for a few moments before saying, “I came close to losing you and having you here, happy and healthy is something I wanted to celebrate with everyone but I also wanted to celebrate with just us…so I booked us a night away in a hotel underwater.”

Your grin splits into a dazzling smile as you jump on Bucky murmuring your gratitude and love.

You arrived at the underwater hotel the next day. Checking in with Lisa at the counter as Bucky finishes checking in he asks her, “the extras I asked for…?”.

Lisa didn’t look up from the computer in front of her as she answers, “they should be in your room.”

We make our way to the room, our overnight bags in hand. Bucky steps into the room first looking around at everything.

But you barely pay any attention as you look out into the water and all the fish, your fingers are touching the glass when Bucky comes out of the bathroom, “none of the extras are in here”, he says with annoyance lacing his tone.

He starts towards the door before turning back to you, “did you detect the lie at all?”.

You shrug, “she probably believed it, so go easy on her Buck”.

You hear the door close behind you and you pray for a normal night of sleep or perhaps you could convince Bucky not to sleep at all. You stand there thinking about all the ways you and Bucky could ruin the room when you finally hear the door open.

You turn as you say, “hey Buck, I was thinking-“

Bucky is looking at you with shock and confusion on his face and that horrible feeling you had the night of the crash comes back in the pit of your stomach.

He doesn’t say anything for the longest time as he stares at you. Finally, you couldn’t stand anymore silence as you say, “what?! What is it Bucky? What’s happened?!”.

He clears his throat, “she knew the stuff wasn’t in the room.”

You pause before laughing at his statement, “Jesus Buck, I thought something was seriously wrong, like danger level wrong. You need to stop giving me heart attacks.”

But Bucky never starts laughing and so the smile slowly fades from your face as you say, “okay…so what if the extras aren’t in the room, we can ask for them or you can get a partial refund.”

He shakes his head as he finally steps in the room and closes the door behind him, “you’re missing the point Doll, she lied.”

You scrunch your face up, “yeah Buck, people lie-“

You stop the sentence dead in its tracks as you look at Bucky in alarm, finally realising what he’s getting at.

You have no words. Bucky is the one to fill the silence, “I’ve noticed it a few times over the last few days. The fact that you haven’t clocked some lies and have become more shocked at some of the things that happen around our home. I thought it was just because so much was going on. Your recovery, us never getting moments alone these days, but you never picked up the lie today, you even said so yourself.”

You shake your head, “wait a minute, we’re jumping to conclusions here, this is a new place and I wasn’t paying attention-“

Bucky interrupts you, “my favourite flavour of ice cream is mint, I’m wearing boxers under my pants, my mothers name was Sarah.”

He says all the lies he told you when you first met in quick succession and you never detect a single one as a lie even though you know they are.

Your stomach lurches and you feel your hands shake by your sides, you look up at Bucky as tears well in your eyes, “I’ve lost it Buck, I’ve lost my ability to detect lies.”

You sink to your knees before Bucky can reach you. He joins you on the floor as he wraps you in his arms trying to protect you from the truth that has become a truth in a long line of truths in a never ending nightmare.

You try to will this not to be true as you question your worth not only as a member of Bucky’s organisation but also as his partner and your ability to keep him safe. And you know, everything has changed.

WoW Taglist: @a-really-bi-girl @crazyblonde124 @summerwelsh @scuzmunkie @loving-life-my-way @pequenaguaxinim @paranoid-borderline-insane @lilsonbucky @somanyfandomsblog @broco8 @inquisitor-selvala @mad-red @k-n-e @rinkashirikitateku @duhh-danielly @boundtomyfate @kalesrebellion @booktease21 @whatinthyworld @flyingbabyunicornnamedangel @asapkyndall @yaszx @amoredashley @aveatquevale- @putinovertime @melimelbean @valsworldofcreativity @lokilokilokilokilokilokilo-blog1 @vesper852 @littlenerdgirl16 @wiccanmetallicrose @aya-fay

I have an entire plan for Season 2 and written some too. If you want to see more of this please let me know. The more people wanting more the more likely it will happen. Taglist for all things Season 2 are OPEN <3

#bucky barnes #bucky x reader #bucky #bucky fanfic #bucky x you #bucky fandom #bucky series #bucky fic #bucky x y/n #james buchanan barnes #mob!bucky #mob!au

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lemotmo · 4 months

Note

Love reading your takes. I like the way you think. Keep them coming.

Sorry for being negative, but my biggest fear is that since Eddie’s coming arc as been stop twice before, it’s hard to believe it’s still coming. I fear that now they have Bi Buck, they won’t trouble themselves with Eddie.

The way the left Eddie at the end of the season, there is so much they can do with him in the upcoming season. I just hope they take the chance to tell his story which would be so impactful to a lot of people and feels natural to his character. To be honest, I don’t know what else they can do, if they keep throwing woman at him, they have literally shown it’s not working.

You can see the way the tune changed in the middle of the season with those interviews. Is it because they know they got a renewal or they completely put the brake to 'buddie'?

I’ll keep hoping for the best. Tptb, please surprise me. Season 8 will make or break it. I don't see people staying past season 8 if nothing significant happens. I'm pretty sure they know, but why be so afraid. Argh ..

From an Eddie fan that’s fed up with the way they treat his character.

Hey Nonny! Thank you for the lovely compliment. I'm just another fan with some opinions, but I'm glad you like reading about them so much.

No no, I get it. I do. I get the negativity. They were so close to finally going where the story has always been going and then they backed off in the middle of the season. Even the interviews changed. It was clear that Oliver wasn't pleased with the way things were going bts either. And I have the feeling Ryan wasn't happy either. Every single interview he had to think about what he was saying and if it wasn't too much against Buddie, but also not too much pro Buddie. It was hard to see him struggle so much. That's probably why some of these interviews contradicted each other as well.

I really do believe they changed the timeline of the story when they heard about the renewal of the show. They realised they could take their time to give Eddie's coming out story the screentime it deserved. However, now they had to find a way to get Eddie to a place where he would have nothing left. No Chris, no ghost Shannon hanging over his head, no girlfriend... just him and his thoughts. This is the first time in life that Eddie is on his own and it's going to lead to some big time self-reflection.

The consequence of the decision to push the Eddie storyline to season 8 is of course Buck now being stuck in this stale relationship with Tommy.

I have read the interviews Ryan has given after the finale and they do fill me with hope and -dare I say- confidence? The way he talks about Eddie's upcoming struggle and journey very much reads as someone realising they're not as straight as they thought they were. He also stopped talking about Eddie being 'hetero' and started using a lot of gender neutral terms when he talks about a possible future partner for Eddie. So yeah, that is a very good sign to me. A feel like a switch has been flipped now and he is more certain where the story is going.

I agree that it would be the most natural way to explore Eddie's character. He has always been queer-coded, since day one. In my opinion even more than Buck. I was always more convinced of Eddie's queerness than of Buck's. So yeah, it is definitely the best, if not the only, way to go with his character.

And yes, I agree again, if there is no progress in Eddie's storyline and he is once again waylaid, keeping him locked up in that closet, put into another dead relationship with yet another female love interest, put through pain again for no reason whatsoever? A lot of people will give up on the show as a whole. Tired and exhausted that Eddie once again was the victim of bad writing. And if they dare to keep Buck in a relationship with Tommy? They will lose even more viewers.

I myself will retreat back into fanon-land where Buck and Eddie will be happy together forever. I might keep on watching the show from afar, only the parts that interest me. Basically because I love Eddie so much and I only want the best for him. I also love all the other characters and I want to see what happens to them. So I don't think I could give up on the show completely.

However, I really don't think it will have to come to that. I don't know for sure of course, but I do know that this time the odds are in our favour and we have a really good chance to get exactly what we wanted for years now: Eddie coming out in season 8 and eventually, when the dust is settled, Buddie.

#nonnies galore #buddie #eddie diaz #evan buckley #season 8 speculation #buddie speculation

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whump-town · 4 years

Text

If The Lord Don’t Forgive Me

Bi!Hotch returns

I brought Charlie around for round two because sometimes you just need sweet, wholesome gay love. And it’s sweet baby (okay sweet like sour gummy worms but it is sweet and, hey, I cut the whump out just to keep it that way so you’re welcome)

There is cussing, the slight implication to sex (but not graphic and far more like “men sometimes have sex”), homophobia (I know, I know why can’t I let them live in peace?? but I have to get something out of this too and I LOVE angst), child abuse (ugh... :( sorry Hotch but if you’re showing that pretty face in a fic, I’m gonna bring up the fact that your dad hit you...), and probably something else but I doubt it’s that bad

Anyways-- cut to the gay shit but let me hit it off with some “Work Song” by Hozier because... I’m the author and I can do what I want

My baby never fret none About what my hands and my body done If the Lord don't forgive me I'd still have my baby and my babe would have me

Despite it only being eight o’clock in the morning, Aaron Hotchner feels today has aged him immensely.

The morning started with Emily knocking over an entire bookshelf. The decision to move her into his apartment was stupid and on a whim but he’s never truly felt the consequences of that until today. Which is good considering she’s been living there for nearly three years (straight from “dead” in London to living in his house) but that is not where the focus should be placed. No, it should be placed on the fact that the crash caused him to jump. A normal, knee jerk reaction but not good when in the middle of shaving.

So, he’d come running out of the bathroom-- face stinging because he’s just jerked a razor across it-- to find the living room in shambles. Emily standing on the other side of the room looking to the point of tears but only managing the barest morsel of containment and Jack, school clothes covered in milk from his cereal, lower lip trembling, and little fist clenched for some semblance of control over the tears pouring down his face.

Standing there, the three of them each taking each other in, had felt surreal. Bit by bit, they all came together. Emily wiped her nose and rubbed the tear that fell off her face. She went to get him a band-aid and he went to Jack. That setback was only a step in the wrong direction.

Truthfully, that old bookshelf needed replacement about twenty-years ago when he built it. Its bitter fall was only a matter of time and he has yet to mourn it. The mess of the shelf was easy to clean up. He’d need to take the larger pieces to a dump or ask Morgan if he knows what to do with it. The books just got stacked on the floor and the wood splinters swept up and Jack advised to stay away from there until he or Emily could really go at it a little better and make sure there was nothing left.

The hard things came afterward.

Fighting with Jack to wear other clothes. He’d picked his current milk-soaked clothes out and Jack is reliant on a schedule. Changing clothes is a deviation and no matter how patient Hotch had tried to be, he was finding it hard to keep his cool. So he’d caved rather than lose his temper over something as simple as a second grader’s clothes. So, Jack went to school today in green overalls and blue rain boots that are a little too big. He’d looked silly but he’s seven so it’s technically still cute for him to do.

As for the nice cut he’d dug into his jaw, Emily had come to inform him that the only band-aids in the house are scooby doo. So, he has wood splinters in his living room, blood all over his shirt, Jack in poorly matching clothes, and a fucking scooby doo Band-Aid on his face.

Coffee is the only thing he knows can fix this.

“Uhm--” Leave it for today to also be the day he is confronted head-on with the very repressed sexual attraction he feels for men. “Can I--” his palms are embarrassingly damp. “Can I just get a-- a large black coffee?” The muscle in his forearm flexes and he can’t really force his fingers to grasp his wallet.

The man in question raises his eyebrow but takes the order. “Alrighty,” he answers. “Do you want creamer? Sugar?”

Hotch can feel his throat tightening in and his face heating up. Thank God he’s never been the type to flush visibly or else he’d be in some trouble. He forces his eyes on to the nametag pinned to the apron over the other man’s chest. Charlie, it reads. Hotch glances back up. “Yes-- Yes, please.” If he were a blusher, he’d be beet red.

Charlie smirks at the stammered manners. It’s cute. “You got a name, suit?”

“Ho--Hotch.”

Charlie raises an eyebrow at that but he’s not going to comment. It’s unprofessional and Hotch is more than likely a nickname. He lets it go. “Hotch” comes in enough that Charlie gets used to the strange nickname but to the staff of his shop he refers to the cute stuttering agent as “suit” and it’s easy to understand why.

“A-- A date?”

Charlie is gay but he’s not sure what “suit”/”Hotch” is. He’s thinking at least a little curious because getting the poor man into a stuttering puddle of anxiety and stammering is as simple as deviating from their typical “cream and sugar” discourse.

Charlie smirks, he thinks the stammering is cute. “Suit” is such a composed guy that it is cute. “Well, yeah. Unless the terminology has changed, yeah, suit, a date.”

Hotch’s throat feels impossibly tight. He’s aware of Charlie, very aware of him and his jaw and how hard the pads of his hands are and-- “I’m--” I’m not gay “Ugh, wh-when?”

Oh. Well, he wasn’t expecting it to be that easy. “Hmm, good question. I hadn’t thought that far ahead.” Charlie sucks his lip into his mouth, thinking. He snaps his fingers with a sudden idea. He bites the Sharpie’s lid off (the one he uses to write names on the cups) and hurriedly scribbles something on a napkin. “Here’s my number. Text me and we can work that out.”

That was… months ago.

Things have been steady. Good.

Pulling in a deep breath, Aaron Hotchner plunges his head under the luke-warm water of his bathtub. Goosebumps have broken out across his skin but the cold kills the ache in his overworked muscles. Besides, he’s entirely too distracted by two things: (1) he’s too fucking big to fit comfortably in this bathtub. Knees bent, his thighs are out of the water making this bath entirely useless. (2) The very unnervingly attractive coffee shop barista who’s shop he goes to, all the time. Who just so happens to be on his way over right now, for dinner.

“Wow.”

Startled by the sound, Hotch jerks and gets a mouthful of water and suds. Coughing and pulling at his burning nose, Hotch scowls at the intruder. None other than Emily Prentiss standing at the side of the tub, one hand on her hip, and the other extending a towel to him. “Emily!”

She raises an eyebrow of indifference as if he’s the one acting oddly. “You can hold your breath for an impressive amount of time,” she says. She moves the towel in front of him, trying to get him to take it from her. He won’t move his hands from where he’s placed them over his groin.

“Emily, get out!”

“Why are you making this a big deal?” she groans, rolling her eyes. “Hotch I have seen you naked!.” She puts the towel near the edge, where he can reach it without it falling into the water or to the floor. She makes a show of planting her hand over her eyes and turning her back. “Such a baby,” she mumbles. “What is the big deal?”

He ignores her.

She hears the water moving with him as he stands, large splashes as he disturbs the surface. “You’re welcome by the way,” she mumbles. She’d thrown the towel in the dryer so it would be warm for when he got out. Contrary to his dramatics, she does love him. He’s her friend and in the same ways that he takes care of her, she makes sure someone takes care of him. “Besides,” she says, turning around despite his disapproving huff of a sigh. “I came to tell you Charlie is here.”

Hotch freezes. Ah… that’s why she’d come in. That deer in the headlights look that she doesn’t see nearly enough of. It’s silly, if not endearing, that Hotch gets so nervous for these dates. Charlie is pretty clearly head over heels for him and it’s a little surprising. Charlie all bright and cheery, a hard extravert. Perfect, always early to their dates, Charlie.

“He’s early,” Hotch stammers.

Emily nods. The date is at seven-thirty and it’s not quite six. “He knows,” she informs him, settling her hips back against the sink. She’s not watching him throw on his boxers but she’s just… standing there, talking as he drops the towel and makes quick work of drying himself off and pulling his legs into pants. “He also knows you’re in the bath so don’t go breaking your neck. I don’t want to tell your seven-foot-tall, beefcake of a boyfriend that you’ve managed to kill yourself in here.”

Hotch huffs, rolling his eyes. It would be just his luck that he breaks his neck in here while buck ass naked, with Charlie in the living room no doubt. Though, that is a bit of a ridiculous thought to care about. Here Emily is standing, casually watching him pull jeans over his boxers, having already seen him in his full glory. Charlie, even, has seen all of what he has to offer. He’s spent the majority of his life in the company of Jessica. She’s seen him in hospital gowns, bare assed which is strangely humiliating (and there’s the bonus of the repressed memories of Jessica catching him and Haley multiple times).

They’ve all seen him naked but that’s still not something he wants to deal with.

“You really do look strange in jeans,” Emily informs him as he’s shrugging on his shirt. Charlie had warned him against his more traditional polo. Evidently, he’d look like a “stiff” if he chose to wear a polo to the park. He shoots her a glare but it’s true. No matter how many times she sees him in regular clothes… she just can’t get used to it.

Charlie isn’t mean to him when he wears jeans though.

“There you are,” Charlie greets when Hotch steps out of the bathroom. The strange, beautiful thing about Charlie is that he doesn’t really care that Hotch’s life is crazy. He’d been unsettled by the grisly things that seem to occur so brutally to Hotch but he was quick, startlingly so, to remind Hotch that none of what Charlie had just been told sounded like it was Hotch’s fault. Despite Hotch’s swayed narration.

He’d thought it might be a bit strange to have Emily living in his apartment but Charlie also knew about the details leading up to that decision. The loss of Haley putting a strain on Jack’s independence and pattern of life. Being a single parent and a federal agent pulling Hotch every which way. Haley’s father, Roy, falling ill and commanding more of Jessica’s attention. Then, the fateful fall out with Ian Doyle, Emily moving to London, and the internal bleeding that had almost killed Hotch.

The last of which had been the end all be all. Emily came home and she found herself drawn back here by the less than stellar track record of her family. The abrupt decision landed her here, with Hotch, and it’s been beneficial for everyone involved.

Charlie feels a little safer knowing that when he has to go back to his own apartment, Hotch has his own apartment full of Jack and Emily waiting up for him. Even though he’s only been with Hotch a short while, he’s becoming more and more aware of the trouble that seems to follow his partner.

“Your hair is still wet!” Charlie kisses Hotch, fingers slipping easily through the soaked hair at the back of his head. “I won’t take you out in the cold until you’ve dried it. The last thing I need is you getting sick on me.”

Jack nods seriously hearing this. He’s seated beside Charlie on the couch, the two having been discussing superhero comics. It was turning into an argument when Hotch had come out (who would win between Batman and Ironman-- Charlie says Ironman and Jack Batman). “You can’t get sick,” Jack informs him firmly. “You promised you’d make pancakes for breakfast Saturday.”

Hotch raises an eyebrow, shaking his head. “All I’m good for to you people is my cooking skills.”

Charlie sucks in a breath, making a I don’t know about that, sort of face. “Just your pancakes, Aaron.” Charlie pats Hotch’s thigh the opposite of tender just downright taunting. “I love you but you can not cook or bake. You literally burn everything.”

The chorus of grunted seconding of that statement behind him feels like a betrayal but he really is bad at cooking. And math. And remembering general the most basic things. So, true but hey! “I’m going to go dry my hair,” Hotch announces, shaking his head. Sure, laugh it up now. They all need him. It’s funny now… brats.

“Get some gloves! There’s a wind chill!”

Emily huffs a laugh and Hotch turns around to catch it. He smirks at the sight of his living room, melancholy swelling in his throat. His family genuinely looks like his lesbian best friend, his ex-wife’s older sister, his son, and his 6’5 ex-college football player turned coffee shop owner boyfriend. It’s a little crazy and yet… comforting because at eighteen when he’d packed up his meager belongings to go to college, he didn’t think he was capable of having any of this.

As Charlie pulls him out the door-- hair dry-- Jack’s actively talking to them both. Something pointless but childish and so, by reason, very important. Emily’s reaching into his jacket and stuffing a pair of gloves into his pocket, throwing a scarf at his head. Jessica’s calling after them too and as soon as the door shuts Hotch pulls in a deep breath.

“They’re smothering,” Charlie informs him as they step off the porch. He offers his hand out to Hotch, scowling down at the icy steps.

Hotch hums in agreeance taking Charlie’s hand out of necessity for touch not help. “You’ll get used to it.” The implication of his statement comes to hit him centerfold but Charlie seems unaffected and Hotch is reminded that not even ten minutes Charlie had said that he loved him. “I love you but you can not cook or bake. You literally burn everything.”

I love you. I love you. I love you.

“Aaron? Did you hear me?”

Hotch blinks stupidly, looking up, and shaking his head. “No,” he mumbles regretfully.

Charlie shrugs it off. “I asked if you were hungry, yet.” Though a year is not altogether that much time, especially when compared to their ages, Charlie would like to think he has an understanding of Aaron. He does know that for certain, actually. He squeezes Aaron’s hand within his own and smiles over at him. He’s got layers, Aaron, and you have to pay a price to understand each and every one.

Somehow, that enchants Charlie. He loves it. There’s nothing he wouldn’t give up to have another layer.

“No need to pretend to be,” Charlie explains as they separate to get into his car. “You either or you aren’t. I just wondered if you wanted dinner now or after the walk.” Charlie wants his opinion. He desperately wants to understand what is going on in Aaron’s head. The thoughts he has when he gets silent like this, his restless fingers digging and rubbing.

Hotch hums, reflexively drawing his arms to his chest after he buckles himself into the car. He fidgets anxiously as he tries to figure out the correct answer. What it is that Charlie wants to hear. Charlie likes to eat early, that’s something he’s noticed. However, if Charlie’s asking him then maybe he doesn’t want to eat early. Would Charlie be hungrier after a walk? If they eat now it’ll be cold outside by the time they can get to the park. Then Charlie’s going to be mad at him because it’ll be his fault for having chosen to eat early and go to the park late. Maybe then Charlie will finally realize how stupid this whole relationship is, that he can do better, someone who isn’t like him, and--

“Hey.” Charlie doesn’t reach out and touch him. That’s a lesson he’s learned over the last few months. Hotch doesn’t mind physical touch but he’s easily unnerved by it when he doesn’t know it’s coming. Considering how lost in thought he just was, there is no way he would have seen it coming. “We can just go after, okay?”

Hotch immediately calms, “okay.” His shoulders fall from where he’d slowly, stiffly brought them up. He nods his head, looking down to his lap, while Charlie drives. He has to calm down.

He looks over, catching Charlie’s smooth movement. His arm is on the center console, palm up in a common gesture waiting for Aaron to take his hand. He blinks for a moment, mind slowly turning over exactly what this is. Glancing at Charlie, Hotch slowly lifts his hand up and shyly slots his fingers between his. Smiling when Charlie doesn’t even react much more than a pleased grin.

Oh, he thinks calmly. He likes holding Charlie’s hand. He likes Charlie. The way that he just fills the silence without ever expecting Hotch to return the vigor. Simply requiring Hotch remain engaged with the occasional hum of understanding or scowl of confusion. And Hotch loves that so much more-- that he never has to find the words to explain that he doesn’t understand. Charlie just knows.

“You can’t.”

Charlie frowns, turning to glance at Hotch. “What do you mean?” That’s where the compensation occurs-- Charlie is awful at remembering things. He forgets his dry cleaning, appointments that he set up, holidays, birthdays, weekend plans-- everything. Hotch seems to forget nothing.

Hotch looks out the window of the passenger side, feeling the cold seeping in from the door, but docile and contently closes his eyes to narrow his attention to Charlie’s thumb rubbing lazy patterns on the back of his hand. “On the twenty-third you have interviews for waiters. Your morning, at the very least, is packed.”

Charlies frowns, well shit. “You know,” he says, giving Hotch’s hand a little squeeze. “If you just came to work with me, I wouldn’t have to have those interviews. It would fix so many of both of our problems.”

Hotch turns his head, smirking at Charlie. Not true. It would fix some of their issues-- how much time Hotch’s job steals from them, Charlie’s need for more staff. However, Charlie just wants him working there because Charlie thinks Hotch would look hot in the apron (actually, he knows Hotch is hot in the apron).

They arrive at the park and the two get out. Charlie immediately regrets coming out in this weather.

The grass crunches under Hotch’s feet but he enjoys the way the snow muffles so much of the noise around them. Leaving nothing but the few courageous birds watching them from their perches. It’s a safety Hotch finds entirely enrapturing. Enough to not mind the cold at all and how Charlie’s been fussing with his own clothes since they set off.

Hotch is just walking along. His hands are cold but not enough to ache and with Charlie’s covering the majority of his right hand, he can slip the left into his pocket. It’s not until Charlie squeezes his hand to get his attention that they stop, that Hotch pulls his attention to his partner and away from the scenery.

Charlie pulls him by the lapels of his dark jacket, turning him so that they’re standing facing one another. The toes of their shoes bumping together. “Come here,” Charlie instructs, words a cloud of condensation around them. He wastes no time in pulling the hat off of his own head to pull it down over Hotch’s. Smiling when it smushes his overgrown bangs against his forehead. “I don’t want you getting an ear infection out here. Gotta keep you healthy.”

Hotch shyly grins, looking down at the ground, “I’ll be okay.” He still turns his cheek into Charlie’s palm, letting him wrap that hand around the back of his neck, turning his chin up to kiss him. His lips are cold and the tip of his nose feels frozen. “It’s not that cold.”

Charlie shrugs and Hotch doesn’t pull the hat off.

“You outta be disgusted by yourselves.”

Hotch flinches, recoiling from Charlie and bowing his head rather than to look up and see who it is shouting at them. But Charlie is not new to this little game and he straightens his back and raises a questioning brow. “Oh? Should we?” He glares down at the woman on the track, it’s clear she’d been running before she decided to come nosing her way into their business. “I’d appreciate it if you left us alone, ma’am. We aren’t hurting anyone.”

She scoffs.

Charlie stands still, unwavering. They’re big men. Hotch may be a force to be reckoned with but Charlie is not, by any means, small. They’re the same height and the woman in question is a petite blonde. They’re intimidating. She rolls her eyes, shaking her head disgusted but stalks off. Whispering under her breath about hell and how their time will come.

“What a hag,” Charlie grumbles, rolling his eyes and reaching down between them to take Hotch’s hand. He steps to move on but he feels the resistance in Aaron. His hand now loosely holding on to Charlie, fingers lightly hooked together. “Aaron--”

Hotch forces himself to take a steadying breath-- drop his shoulders, unclench his jaw, inhale slowly. His eyes peel up off of the ground and he knows he hasn’t moved fast enough. Creases of worry have broken up Charlie’s handsome face, tension that doesn’t belong there. “I--”

Charlie shakes his head, discouraging Hotch’s lame excuse. “What she said…” Charlie can’t tell Hotch that what she said shouldn’t affect him. That he should brush it off and not worry about what a small minded bitch has to say about them but that’s not fair. None of this ever really is. Not when it comes to Aaron. “She doesn’t matter, Aaron. You. You matter to me, okay?”

Hotch furrows his brows, letting out an aggravated puff of air as he fails to work through the shame burning his chest.

Charlie looks around them, tapping his fingers as he contemplates what he should do. “Do you--” How, in all of Virginia did he manage to get the one DILF, Unit Chief with the inability to make a decision or admit what he needs? He means it fondly, of course, but sometimes he’d like to lovingly shake some sense into this man.

Taking a calming moment, Charlie knows that his ability to play out this next scene is vital to his afternoon. If Aaron detects even a fraction of impatience, anger, or frustration he’ll shut down and then Charlie is going to have to spend days if not weeks working Aaron back to where he is now.

“It’s cold out here,” he states calmly. Aaron glances at him, sniffling and rubbing at his wind burned nose. “I’m hungry, I-- I forgot my lunch at home this morning.” Even though Aaron bought him a bright, hunter’s orange lunch box that sits painfully on his kitchen counter so that he has to see it. “What do you say we turn back for the car and surprise Jack with an early return? Order pizza? Watch some Scooby Doo?”

Aaron sniffles again, glancing at Charlie and then to the path they’re clearly meant to be headed on. “But…” he clears his throat. He can’t stand being like this. The anxious partner. The fucked up partner. He was with Haley. Now he is with Charlie. And, well, everyone knows how Haley played out. “You-- You wanted to walk.”

Charlie shakes his head, smiling and playfully poking Hotch’s chest. “No, I want to spend time with you.” Though he’s terrified Aaron will recoil from it, he makes the careful decision to touch him. Smiling when Aaron just looks back at him, searching for something but Charlie isn’t mad so Aaron won’t find what he’s looking for. He strokes Aaron cheek, “I’m cold. You’re cold. We can walk if you want but…”

Hotch looks back down the trail and shakes his head. No, he doesn’t want to walk.

Charlie feels pretty proud of himself. He’s pretty good at this.

And Jack is thrilled to have them back.

Hotch feigns hurt when Jack runs straight past him to Charlie. “Am I chopped liver?” But his light, fluttering chest betrays him and he can’t help a soft smirk as Jack holds Charlie’s hand. Charlie nodding, listening to Jack as he kicks his shoes off.

Emily appears at the mouth of the hall, frowning at the sight before her. She’s in different clothes from when they left. One of her dating apps having finally come through and delivered her plans for this lovely evening. She was just about to call Hotch to tell him she was going to have to call Jessica to watch Jack. “What are you doing back?”

Before Hotch can overthink the question Charlie smirks and motions over his shoulder, “it’s like ten degrees out there. Way too cold for a walk, don’t know what I was thinking.”

Good enough excuse for Emily, she doesn’t care. She has other things on her mind. “I have a date.” Both Aaron and Charlie look surprised. Which is annoying but she won’t engage them in conversation because she’s better than that. “So, I will be out of your hair this afternoon.”

Well, kind of. She steals some of their pizza before she leaves. Even sits down for an episode of Scooby Doo before her date texts and says she’s ready.

“Well, boys,” she leans down and kisses the top of Jack’s head. Wishing him a good night and a whisper to make sure he’s extra good for his father when Hotch puts him down tonight. “I’m off. I will see you in the morning.” She offers Charlie a cordial head nod and Hotch gets his hair messed with as she passes.

“Be careful,” Hotch calls as she shuts the door.

It doesn’t take long for Jack to fall asleep and Hotch can feel himself slipping with Charlie leaning against him, his hand on the inside of Hotch’s thigh. Warm and comfortable, he doesn’t want to get up. But he manages to get Jack to bed with minimal fighting-- they agree to keep his nightlight, the hall light, and the bathroom light on. Emily even sends a text to confirm that she hasn’t been murdered by her date, he rolls his eyes but appreciates the sentiment.

It’s a good night, all things considered.

For a while, at least.

He’s in bed. Boxers shifted low on his hips as lays atop his beaten, threadbare comforter. The thick, heavy heat of an August night settling thickly over his bones. A blanket of sweat shining on his chest, just barely visible from the light of the hallway peaking into his cracked door. Downstairs, his parents roar on. He can make out every word spoken but if he hums just enough and presses his fingers into the thin mattress until it hurts he can numb out the world.

Nothing.

He thinks about Scott from his biology class. His booming laughter, already having hit his growth spurt and though only sixteen standing over them all in a man’s body. Thick with muscles that Aaron had felt when Scott had pulled him in for a tight, jovial bear hug. Perhaps he’d imagined it but for a split second Aaron had seen a flash of something-- warmth that he, himself, still can not name.

Closing his eyes, he brings back the heat of his stomach. A smile pulling at his lips as he thinks about how it felt pressed to Scott’s chest. Swallowed by the other’s boy’s body. The ache between his hips increases. It’s bad and it’s ugly but it’s Scott that he thinks about. It’s Scott that he wants.

“What the fuck are you doing?”

Aaron scrambles upright, both hands planted on the bed as he scurries away from its edge and anywhere near where his father might be able to grab one of his frantically moving limbs. Still, a rough hand is thrown out and Aaron yelps in surprise as his body is yanked to the edge. He can’t hear the words being thrown at him, just looks at his drunken father screaming. Sees his mouth move but knows nothing of their meaning.

He’s wrenched up and out of bed, scrambling to keep up with the direction in which he’s pulled down the hall. To the large, cast iron clawfoot tub in the bathroom. He’s thrown chest first into it’s cold edge, his fingers wrapping tightly around the biting cold of the rim. He knows his fate long before his father’s broad hand grabs onto his hair and hauls him up just enough to push him down into the cold, soapy water.

His ringing ears hearing the slurs being thrown at him. Faggot. He screams as his father punches his exposed chest, causing him to gasp, the bubbles of air hitting his face. He’d used that word before. Thrown it at another boy the way rocks had been thrown at him for doing the same thing-- being too small, wearing weird clothes. He wonders exactly how it is that he can change because he tries. Good Lord, he tries so hard.

“Aaron.”

His vision blacks out for a moment and he’s lifted from the water. Everything feels strangely familiar. He can’t feel the cold water. Can’t feel the water dripping down his face.

“Aaron!”

He can’t expel the water in his throat. The hand on the back of his head tightens as water and his dinner come up, hot and wet against his chest as he’s moved mid-choke. His head goes under and he screams, grabbing frantically at his father’s hand on his head.

“Aaron--”

Screaming Aaron fights weakly against the hands touching him. It takes a moment for the uncoordinated sweeps of his arms to connect with nothing. For him to get a proper amount of space to breathe. The ringing numb of his ears slowly dies and he feels the world creeping back in around him. He blinks into the darkness, chest heaving First, the dull clicking of fan in the corner of the room. It sweeps left to right, pauses, and comes back right to left. Then the hobbling, swinging of the fan above him. Cold air.

He’s not there in that tiny, suffocating town. In that too-big house with too many places to be seen and not nearly enough to hide.

“You fucking scared me,” pants someone behind him.

A large hand plants itself between his shoulder blades, the bed dipping as weight is moved across it’s top. His body flinches but he’s only minutely aware of the physical movement and, slowly, the rest of him leans into the warmth of the palm. Tears swell as he turns over his shoulder, eyes closed, and going blindly where he knows arms will enclose him. Protect him. “Charlie,” he finally recognizes. His face finds the other man’s shoulder and he feels, rather than hears, the sob that leaves his grimacing lips.

Charlie wraps his arms around Hotch’s shoulder, pulling him closer.

Hotch gives himself over, leaning completely into him. Gently, Hotch feels Charlie moving parts of him to adjust them back onto the bed. “Do you want to talk about it?” Charlie lays back, pulling Hotch’s knee so his hips cant against Charlie’s. The inner side of Hotch’s thighs lies laying across his. There’s no need to open his eyes, to fight. He knows he’s safe.

His tears have slowed but there’s no denying something big has happened. Lately, Hotch has noticed Charlie pushing for him to open up more but Charlie and Hotch’s childhoods are nothing alike. It’s hard to tell him about the dozen times his father put him in the hospital, each time with a better story than the last, and always Hotch’s fault. Had the whole town believing Hotch to be some miscreant kid.

And he was bad but not the sense that was ever true. He’d smoked and drank but that was small-town stuff. Everyone gets into that sort of thing one way or another. He’d had sex but no one he and his partners knew about that, his male partners, anyhow. The first time he’d slept with Haley he’d been proud to have fallen for a woman.

There was an old run-down barn that he’d take boys out to. There was one wall, facing the woods, that was strong enough to support weight and you could lean up against it. He’d been caught only once and the old farmer had beaten him with the wooden end of a rake. The other boy had managed to run off. Hotch’s pants had pooled against around his ankles and the other boy hadn’t taken his completely off his hips. That was a mistake Hotch only made that one time. Not that it would have mattered.

After that day, everyone knew what he was.

Which is what bred his nightmare. Though, that night had gone nothing like his dream. He’d come home with welts and broken ribs from the beating that old farmer gave him. As soon as he opened the door, he knew what was waiting for him. It was from the first floor that his father had dragged him, by his hair, to the second floor. Where Sean’s dirty bathwater sat cooling all afternoon.

But Hotch won’t tell Charlie about that day. It’s not worth it. So he changes the subject. “We need to clean the sheets,” Hotch finally sniffles. His voice is rough from the night’s activities and he remembers what they’d done before he’d fallen asleep and knows that surely did not help. Under his left hip, there is dampness to the old cotton sheet, like something wet has been drying. Sheets probably should be replaced but these are the back-up sheets and the goods ones are in the dryer.

Charlie hums, a vibration that Hotch can feel all the way down to his toes. “That would be your mess,” Charlie informs him matter-of-factly. Pressing his lips to Hotch’s forehead. “I did try to clean you up if you recall.” Charlie’s fingers have wrapped protectively around Hotch’s body, thumb lazily rubbing back and forth over his bare hip. “You told me to fuck off so…”

He remembers. He was still sensitive, shaking with exertion, and hadn’t taken kindly to Charlie dragging a slightly too cold wash rag over his ass. First of all, it was way too wet and secondly, it was cold. What was he to do other than protest?

Charlie’s chest shifts underneath his head as he bends to look at the clock. Yawning deeply Charlie pulls the blankets back over them both, rubbing at Hotch’s hip. “Let’s get some sleep,” he mumbles around another yawn that manages to overtake his breath. “Don’t be afraid to wake me up,” Charlie mumbles. “I want you to wake me up, capeesh?”

Hotch closes his eyes and turns a little more into the warmth of Charlie’s body. Trying to think of nothing. To slow the rapid progressions of his thoughts. There is no way that this was a good idea. A relationship. A life. He brought Haley into his world and looked at what happened. He’s a swirling storm of trouble, sucking in the best parts of the world and ruining them. He’s a liar.

“I love you, Aaron,” Charlie whispers, straining his neck to kiss the top of Hotch’s head. His hand holds Aaron still against him. “I don’t want you to be lying here suffering afraid to talk to me.”

I love you. I love you. I love you. That’s not good. It can’t be. He’s not worth that. Charlie is great. He’s gentle and he’s kind and he’s loving and Hotch can’t even decide when they should eat. If a walk in the park is better than a movie.

“You have not tricked me.” He wonders how Charlie sees so clearly into his mind. It’s not mind reading, Charlie can feel his pounding heart and tense muscles. He’s always so tense. “I love you completely, entirely, enchantingly by choice.” Charlie sighs softly. Content. He wishes desperately to bring Aaron the same peace that Aaron brings him. It's a content, pleased sigh that leaves his mouth and that confuses Aaron so much. No louder than a whisper, seemingly more to himself than to Aaron Charlie whispers. “There are worse life sentences than to be tricked into falling in love with you.”

#criminal minds #aaron hotchner #emily prentiss #jack hotchner #bi!hotch #tw homophobia #tw child abuse #criminal minds fanfiction

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parkersharthook · 3 years

Text

Love For All

Peter Stark-Rogers & Stark-Rogers!reader (twins)

warnings: mentions of drinking/being drunk, pretty fluffy

1.8k+ words

series masterlist

a/n: happy pride month (lol I queued this in february just so I didn’t forget to post it) anyways im bi and pls know my page is a safe space for everyone 💗💜💙

Fluffy piece where Tony and Steve are chosen as the grand marshalls for the pride parade and it becomes a family affair.

“this just in, you all officially have the coolest dads in history!” Tony bellowed as he dramatically entered the common space, Steve right behind him with a plethora of eye rolls.

Right as you were about to protest, Bucky chimed in, “neither of you are my father.”

“with the way I’ve saved your sorry ass? Might as well be.”

“saved my sorry ass? Oh Stevie, have you forgotten who pulled your ass out of every back alley fight you got into? Or have the years 1932 to 1941.”

“I did not start a fight in 1932!” Steve argued back, hands placed firmly on his hips.

“bullshit! 5 years old, playground 2 blocks over, Arthur Williams.”

Steve frowned slightly, “damn I forgot about that.”

Beside you Peter snorted, “you got into a fight when you were 5?”

“Wow darling, you came out of the womb with righteous indignation didn’t you?” Tony added with a small smirk as he moved to rest against the back of the couch.

Steve threw his hands up in defeat, “oh haha laugh it up. Yes I’m old, yes I’m stubborn. Can we please just go back to how we’re cool?”

“Wait before that, back to the ‘not my fathers thing’ does this mean you see yourselves as the team fathers? Because if you’re adopting more people, I want in!” Clint said cheerfully.

“Sorry we capped out at four.”

You stuck your tongue out at Clint with a little ‘ha ha’ because you were mature like that. “anyways… why do you think you are the coolest dads? I wanna get my rebuttal in soon.”

Tony bopped the back of your head playfully as he dropped a very rainbow piece of paper into your lap. Peter instantly leaned into your space to read it. You pushed him back with a shove to the forehead. “relax nerd I’m gonna read it out loud.”

“hurry up I’m getting antsy.” You threw an unimpressed look at Clint who had practically crawled into Bucky’s lap to get closer, not that Bucky minded.

“Chill.” You smoothed out the paper and held it up, “All hail the next Grand Marshals of NYC Pride, Tony Stark and Steve Rogers. We are happy to formally announce the two superheroes and super husbands as our fearless leaders of the float parade this year.”

“That’s the public announcement they put out, turn it over to read the letter they sent us.”

“Dear Mr. Anthony and Steven Stark-Rogers, we are so excited to welcome you into our NYC Pride Parade family. As this year’s appointed Grand Marshals it is both our duty and pleasure to pass the Pride Baton over to you. Included in this letter you will find the rules and expectations of our Grand Marshals, as well as what is permitted for first floats. We would love if you extended this invitation to your entire circle of family and friends to join you in the parade and on your float.”

You put the paper down and tilted your head back to stare at your dad, “you? Grand Marshal? Really?”

“What’s so shocking about that?”

“umm…. You’re old and not cool.”

Bucky sputtered a laugh beside you as Tony bopped you on the head again.

“Was this your way of telling us to come to pride with you?” Peter asked.

Steve shook his head as he flopped into a nearby loveseat, “actually this was our way of telling you that we need your help coming up with ideas for the float and how to decorate it. But of course we want you to join us on the float, we’ll be inviting the rest of the team as well.”

“I’ll help decorate but Bi-derman is making another appearance this year.”

Tony slapped his forehead, “can you take your old suit at least? The paint was a bitch to get off last time.”

Peter rolled his eyes, “the old suit chafes.”

You grimaced, “I hate this conversation.”

“I think you should do a dog themed float, Lucky can be our mascot.”

Bucky sighed, “of course that’s your suggestion.”

“what about the history of pride? Recognizing the Stonewall Riots and the two black transgender females that started it all. Plus then we can also advocate for Black Lives Matter. Make it clear that to support one, you have to support the other. Educate and entertain.”

Tony smiled, “that’s not a bad idea y/n.”

Steve looked at you with hopeful eyes, “are you willing to help organize and coordinate?”

“can I invite friends to help?”

“yes.”

You smiled, “then yes.”

------

“when I said organize and coordinate, I didn’t mean take over the conference room we use regularly for avengers meetings.” Steve said with a deep sigh

“it’s the only one with a vending machine.” MJ helpfully pointed out, taking another large bite of her pizza slice.

“yeah it was the only way to get Clint to sit through meetings without leaving to get food.” Steve explained as he stepped into the room and took in the large array of papers everywhere. The four teenage girls that occupied the room were all busy with one thing or another, looking intense and determined.

MJ snorted, “figures.” Her hand ghosted over the page again, dragging the pencil with it and creating another addition to her sketch.

Steve’s brow furrowed for a moment and he took a step closer to get a better look, “is that me?”

MJ nodded coolly but offered no other explanation. Betty huffed a laugh, “we’re trying to design both you and Mr. Stark crown-like head pieces.”

“crowns?”

You rolled your eyes, “Pops, you really do only hear what you wanna hear. Crown-like head pieces. I know dad would go for a full ass crown but I knew you wouldn’t and we want you two to match.”

Steve studied the photos of celebrities that were projected on the wall. “and that?”

“The 2018 Met Gala. Theme: heavenly bodies. There were a bunch of great head pieces that night, we’re using it for inspiration.” Gwen supplied, “let us know if there’s any you like.”

“I wanna go in a Cardi B direction.” You stated without taking your eyes off your computer screen, you’ve obviously already committed every possible headpiece to memory.

“don’t taint his selection with bias!” Betty cried

MJ waved her off easily, “there’s no way he knows who Cardi B is.”

“thanks for the confidence MJ.” She just smiled cheekily at him.

“I think he should choose something like what Frances McDormand was wearing.” Gwen stated with a small smile

MJ laughed, “as much as I think that would look amazing, there’s no way he’s picking that.”

“who’s this?”

You barely had to glance at the photo to recognize the red and gold dress and of course the iconic headpiece, “Black Lively.”

“Okay well I like that, it’s simple.”

“what about…” Gwen drawled as she typed something and new photo, a larger one, took over the whole wall, “Something like SZA’s?”

Steve took a step back and grimaced slightly, “it’s kinda… big.”

“But if it were smaller?” Gwen pressed politely

“I suppose.” Steve glanced around at the four girls. “You guys have a lot of stuff planned.”

“Oh yeah.” You looked up with a big grin, meeting your dad’s eye. “It’s gonna be great.”

“You’re not designing us costumes too are you?”

“Well Tony specifically said not too and that he already had something planned.” MJ said before eyeing Steve up and down with the critical eye of an artist, “But we could design something if you wanted us too.”

“No, I kinda of already have a plan too.”

You rose a questioning brow, “oh yeah? Please tell me you’re not going to be wearing something boring.”

Steve rolled his eyes at you and obnoxiously bumped his hip into your side as he walked out, “I’m not clueless on how to dress for Pride. Plus, I like dressing up for it, it’s fun. And it’s not something we got to do back then. I’m planning on taking full advantage.” And with that he walked out dramatically and closed the door.

Betty laughed slightly, “ten bucks that he paints the shield.”

Gwen shook his head, “No way. I think he’s gonna wear one of the flags as a cape.”

MJ clicked her tongue, “I know for a fact he’ll be wearing his ‘trans rights are human rights’ shirt.” Pause. “and probably his rainbow pants.”

You looked at MJ with a perplexed expression, “why do you know about my dad’s rainbow pants?”

MJ smirked slightly, “he wore them to pride a few years ago. Plus, me and peter talk about things. You’re not the only Stark-Rogers twin I hang out with.”

Gwen obnoxiously nudged Betty with her elbow and a large wink, “Oh yeah… she talks to Peter.” MJ scowled at the two as you snickered behind your hand.

MJ grumbled slightly, “let’s just get back to work.” It was silent in the room until the three other girls heard MJ mumble, “I never have to deal with this at college.”

You burst into a fit of laughter.

------

Pride was without a doubt a 100% success.

The float looked great. The area had already been swept for trouble. One Grand Marshal was moderately drunk. And Everyone was dancing and partying. Perfect.

Even the float attendees looked great. Clint was the brightest of the all. With no shirt on, glitter all over his chest, a rainbow tutu around his hips, tight purple booty shorts underneath, knee high socks with the pan pride flag on them, plus his signature purple converse… he looked good.

You’ve been snickering every time you catch Bucky not so subtlety looking Clint up and down. But that being said, Clint was doing the same to Bucky because he had someone managed to get the stoic and whiney super soldier into a rainbow button down. Nothing else, as that wasn’t Bucky’s jam. He paired the shirt with simple jeans but you were sure that he would be covered with glitter later.

Peter had been swinging around the parade, his first Stark suit now painted a vibrant pink, purple, and blue. Plus there was a large, messily painted on heart over where the spider sat in the middle of his chest.

You and all your friends had taken up the dance floor on the float, and if you said so yourself, you all were killing the dance moves.

Tony was more than tipsy because Bruce was on babysitting duty tonight for Morgan, so he let himself go and lean heavily against his husband, who just grinned at him all lovingly.

In the end, it was a good day. You threw beads and candy to the crowd, joining them at times for drinks and dance parties. You laughed endlessly with your friends and your family. And yeah… it was a good day.

Plus, all your friends had been correct.

Steve wore his trans shirt in solidarity with the ongoing movements and the float.

He wore his rainbow pants because they were “super fashionable y/n” and to support everyone.

He painted his shield purple, blue, and pink to show off his own sexuality and support Peter.

And he had a pansexual flag tied around his neck to match with Tony’s pink, yellow, and blue shirt.

He looked great.

#marvel #spiderman #reader #peter stark rogers #peter parker #superfamily #reader insert #peter parker & reader #peter parker fanfiction #peter parker imagine #superfamily fanfiction #superfamily imagine #reader fanfiction #reader imagine #marvel fanfiction #marvel imagine #stark!reader #stark-rogers!reader #emma writes

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wordynerdygurl · 4 years

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Skin Deep ~ Part 4

Author’s Note: Hi everyone! As @that-one-person reminded me, we were overdue the next chapter of Skin Deep! I hope this has been worth the wait. As always, if you’d like to be added to my tag list, let me know! Also, requests are open and I love when you re-blog and like my work! Thanks for all your kindness!!

This is the 4th Part of our Story with links below to the previous chapters! ENJOY!

Skin Deep Part 1

Skin Deep Part 2 Skin Deep Part 3

Pairing; Loki x Reader, Steve x Reader, Bucky, Natasha, Nick Fury, Thor and Valkyrie round out of cast! Summary: Picking up where Part 3 ended: You’re on the run with Loki, who wants answers. Steve comes clean to an old friend, Natasha and Fury make a plan. Warnings: References to violence, smut, intergalactic travel, and some kissing!

From his vantage point at Steve’s grill Bucky noticed the almost frantic vibration coming off his oldest friend from all the way across the lawn. And Steve wasn't carrying any champagne. In fact, he was whispering furiously to Natasha, shaking his head.

Looking to the skies, Bucky smelled the electricity in the air. It made the hairs on his human arm rise, antenna to trouble, tuning into the wrecked wavelength his friend was putting out. It was about you, of that Bucky was certain, and with your own strange behavior tonight, he knew trouble was en route. He had let you sneak away, sensing your breaking point, knowing your need for a minute alone. It was the reason you were such great drinking buddies. You let Bucky be himself and he returned the favor. Besides, something in Steve was different these days, something Bucky didn't exactly like. His friend, Captain America, hero to the weak, was pushy. Aggressive. Angry.

And when Steve looked at you, there was a gleam, a spark of possessiveness that gave Bucky pause. Sure, you were amazing. Funny, smart, undeniably sexy in a way all your own. Bucky understood wanting you, he even got the need to have you, hold you, lock you down with a ring. If only Steve could see how unhappy you were. Each time Bucky saw you, the strain had pulled more of your joy away. Sure, you baked pies, smiling the whole way, chirping platitudes and teasing Steve. That happiness, though, it never reached your eyes. Telling Steve that an engagement ring was too much, too soon, Bucky had tried in his very stoic way to prove that you weren't ready. Never fully able to give his buddy his blessing, Bucky had opted instead to provide you a shoulder to lean on. And lean you did. Slugging back vodka shots at all these parties, in the quiet and seldom used spaces of kitchens and dining rooms, you had talked easily with Bucky. No topic was too wild or off limits, with the exception of Steve. Anytime the name of your new love came up, the subject would change. You'd deflect and Bucky let you. Maybe he should have pushed harder, he thought as Steve stomped his way. Maybe Bucky should have forced you to talk about whatever issues you and Steve faced, tried his hand at advice, or offered excuses for his best friend’s erratic behavior. If Bucky had done that, then perhaps the stifling stench of trouble wouldn't be pooling around the party, pulsing through all the high energy people gathered together. “Buck… come here, would ya?” Sure, Steve sounded like himself. Jovial, a little concerned in that serious way he had, but not mad. For some reason, it reminded Bucky of the way Steve’s father would talk, just before he’d beat the ever loving hell out of Sarah… or Steve. It soured the stomach of battle tested Sergeant Barnes. War was coming. “Sure thing, punk.” Cocking his head, Steve couldn’t quite look his friend in the face, opting instead to focus on the open back door of his farm house. Would you come strutting out of it, unaware and un-phased? Steve prayed for that, even if his gut told him otherwise, “Bucky, you said my girl was in the ladies’ room?” Tucking his hands in his pockets, nodding solemnly, “Yea, Stevie. Yea. She had to piss. It happens.” Waiting for the battle was exhausting and Bucky just didn’t have the patience to stew in the slow burn of Steve’s anger. Clapping a broad hand along the neck of the Winter Soldier, Steve pulled his friend close. To anyone looking, the embrace would seem brotherly, kind. What they couldn’t see was the tight grip used to keep Bucky contained, or hear Steve’s heated harsh whisper, “Where the fuck is she, Buck? I know you know. So tell me.” Reacting instinctively, pulling against the restraining hook of Steve’s palm, “I don’t know what you’re talking about… she went to the bathroom, I came out here.” “Well she’s gone now and so is Loki-” Stepping back out of Steve’s reach, “Wait. Loki was here? I thought you said he left. Opened the Bi-Frost or whatever. Disappeared.” Almost growling, Steve ran desperate hands through his blonde hair, ignoring Bucky and turning to Natasha, “We need to let Fury know. Set a perimeter. Loki won’t be able to get off the planet, not without help anyway.” “Fury’s involved? Steve, what is going on?” Jabbing a finger into the chest of his best friend, Steve spun, spitting, “You let Loki kidnap my fiance, that’s what’s going on! And now I have to find her and rescue her before that greasy alien asshole does something else to the woman I love!” Rearing back, Bucky inhaled, lifting his shoulders. If you have to fight a friend, fight fair, he thought. Already Bucky could read violence in Steve’s muscle movement. The graceful way Steve bounced on his toes to build momentum into his fierce throw was minute but effective. Dropping his right arm, just a touch before stepping into his swing, Steve's eyes screamed murder and they were locked onto James Buchanan Barnes. A swish of air brushed at Buck's dark hair as the blow missed. Bucky easily blocked the punch, grabbing his pal at the wrist and twisting until his chest was pressed into Steve’s back. It was as fluid as the ballet you had forced them to attend a few months back, quick and clean movements, executed flawlessly. Bucky felt Steve spin in his grasp, planting his feet, preparing to toss the Winter Soldier on his ass. His counter maneuver was a leg sweep, one Bucky was ready to use, when Steve went limp in his grip. Natasha had sucker punched her mission partner in order to get his attention, “Steve. You gotta relax. Bucky didn’t know and you’re drawing attention. Too many eyes around here, ya know?” Natasha waved to Tony, a gesture that said, no worries, everything is ok over here. It was enough to satisfy the playboy, who turned back to his cocktail and conversation with Rhodes. “I'm fine. It's fine. I’m just…” unable to find the right word, spiraling, Steve sagged towards the ground. Catching him at the waist Bucky steadied his woozy friend as Natasha brushed off help from the other guests. Returning to the pair of soldiers out of time, The Black Widow, barely containing her disgust, “Bucky, get him inside. Steve, I'm sending everyone home, then I’m going to make a call.” True to her word, Natasha whispered something to Tony and Pepper, Bucky clocking their reaction of concern for both you and Steve. It was very clear to the Sergeant that The Avengers were not in on this mission. None of them were permitted to hang around the farm house with Nat going so far as to walk out with Clint and Rhodes. Bustling Steve into the kitchen, Bucky kicked a chair free from the table, dropping his buddy on his ass. Still a little amped up from the almost altercation outside, Bucky decided to put a bit of distance between him and his childhood friend, resting his hip against the counter, "What the hell was that, Steve?" "Stay out of it, Bucky." "It's too late for that, punk. Either you start talking or we take this back outside." Side eyeing the super soldier with a metal arm, Steve tugged at the corner of a pretty place mat sullenly, "Fuck you." "Language!" "You think I give a shit about bad words? Now? No… things are too far gone." Waving his hand, begging for more, "Care to elaborate, Cap?" Steve had a second to consider his options. He could let Bucky in, tell him what was going on, hear his opinions on the situation at hand. Or… not. "You don't need to be involved. Once Nat gets back, it's best if you go." Thunking into the opposite seat, Bucky leveled his grey gaze on his pal, "And if I say no?" "Look, it's an off the record thing. Tony, the rest of them? They know nothing. I don’t need you sticking your nose in-" That was all it took for the dam of Bucky’s own outrage to burst. With a wood rattling slap to the custom built dining table, open palm connecting enough to make Steve jump, "Damn it, Rogers! My nose is in this already. Hell, you were ready to half kill me over this… over her, not fifteen minutes ago!" Sighing, hard and heavy, Captain America pressed back in the wooden chair. He saw the questions in Bucky's look, the need to unravel this mystery, the desire to find a way out for his friends. And Steve realized that to accept his buddy's help, Bucky would need the full story. The truth hurts and Buck's words stung Steve. Bucky was right and in the end, he reasoned, they might need him to help bring down Loki. After a second of consideration, a rough hand sliding through his blonde locks, "Fine. FUCK! Fine. What do you know?" Crossing his arms over his chest, stern voiced but curious, Bucky started, "Just you and Nat reporting to Fury? Small team." "Small mission. At least, at first." Trying not to give anything away, making Bucky work for it felt good, almost like a return to his life before Loki, before you. Tapping his metallic finger on the table, Bucky resumed his questions, "So, how does Loki figure into this?" Leaning forward, Steve lowered his voice, “Weapons tech. Power. More than when he attacked New York. He’s been off world gaining followers, an army, and a throne.” “So the plan was to keep Loki away, right?” Nodding, Steve’s inflection solemn, “By any means necessary.” Rocking his head back, as if slapped, Bucky’s eyes widened. Just the implication of those words, by any means necessary, used by Nick Fury meant that this mission was crossing a line from mundane into murderous. "And she was your way in." It started to take shape, the whole sorted plan, Natasha’s involvement and Steve’s role in it all. Bucky felt that prickly sensation again. Bowing his golden head, Steve shook it yes, "Only… I wasn't brought in… I… volunteered." "Ok, but why?" Inching closer to the truth, waiting out the Captain, Bucky nodded for him to continue. When Steve wasn't forthcoming, Bucky nudged his foot with a sharp kick, eager to accelerate the story. For a second that frantic, frenzied energy flashed through the room again, pulling on Bucky's sixth sense, "Because I wanted what Loki had… who Loki had. I wanted her, so bad Bucky. So bad." “Steve… come on, man. There are other girls out there-” Cutting his friend off with a shout, “Why should that asshole have her? He doesn’t deserve her. Before he left, she was always so sweet, so cute… then he… abandoned her! Left her! Man, that was… just so hard to see.” “Yea… I know. I mean, I remember when she and Loki were together. And I know his leaving was hard on her.” “Hard on her? She… she stopped eating, stopped sleeping. God, I could hear her crying all night. Know how hard it was to keep away? To know that Loki had forgotten her?” Steve kept talking, about you, about loving you, and the lengths he went to in an effort to court you. He followed up with all the ways you denied him, over and over, until Natasha intervened. That all of it played into Fury’s plan was a convenient cross-point, coincidence, until things had gone wrong this afternoon. Bucky let him tell his story, knowing full well it was merely a version, a fairy tale wrapped around the rotten apple of truth. In Steve’s world he was the hero, wronged by fate, Fury and Loki Odinson. His path had been paved with good intentions and pure hearted motives. It was everyone else who misunderstood, miscalculated and mistook his actions. Could Steve be blamed for that? Of course, this edition of Steve’s tale didn't include beating up a cuffed prisoner. It also omitted the fact that Steve had been pursuing you while actively lying about Loki's whereabouts. Glossing over the details allowed Steve to paint a picture highlighting the best of him, but Bucky had known the little punk a long time. During a long pause that found Steve with his head in his hands, Bucky took a deep breath and asked, “And how did you and Fury know what Loki was up to?” “He was sending mission reports weekly. Loki had been tasked with helping promote peace across the Nine Realms. That he gained so much was the tipping point. Fury felt like a return to Earth would be 2012 all over again, only this time… total annihilation.” Something was still nagging at Bucky, “Had Loki made any threats?” A guilty look passed over the face of Captain America and his normally solid voice wavered, “Not that I was told about.” “So, Fury...?” “Fury needed… no, that’s not right. He wanted to keep close tabs on Loki, monitor his return, his mood, his movements, if he ever came back.” “And since she was his lover, she was a potential point of contact… the entry point?” “A possible one.” “If you were dating her and Nat was posing as her friend, then you’d know if Loki reached out, spilling the details on his plans, and be able to head him off at the pass.” “Exactly!” Oddly proud, Steve was almost happy that he no longer carried the burden by himself. Sure, Natasha knew, had even engineered some of it, but having a friend on his side made Steve feel better. “But Loki didn’t do that? He surprised you today?” Blowing out a frustrated snort, “Natasha went to meet him at the base. Apparently, the high and mighty Prince expected to be greeted by Fury and his forgotten lover.” “That didn’t sit well with the God of Mischief?” “Nope. Somehow he froze Nat. Confined her, I don’t know… Anyway, he came here and…” Trailing off, Steve could still picture his lady’s body, your body bent under his own, your eyes pressed shut in ecstasy. How you ground against what looked like his own sculpted skin, moaning through an orgasm that appeared amazing, and left you with shaky legs. Going silent, Bucky didn’t push, not this time, but he did feel the moment Steve surrendered fully. His shoulders let go with a deep inhale, his voice sounding like that scrawny kid from Brooklyn after a bad scrape, "She loves him, man. And I fucked up. Loki’s got my girl and I don't have any way to find her or fight him." Tears? Sighs? This wasn't Steve. No, Captain America was an unstoppable, unflappable hero. Spinning out was Bucky's move, not Steve’s. Putting his fleshy hand on Steve’s shoulder, trying to console the broken man in front of him, "Come on, kid. There's always a way to win. It's what you and I have been doing for over a century." “Not this time, man.” "Why not? Did you come clean? That’s why she left, isn’t it? You told her what was going on and she went after Loki." Shame filled Steve’s heart, his cheeks burning, "I… I didn’t get the chance. She left here, but not alone." "She'll be back." Words, pathetic platitudes, were all Bucky could offer. He had seen you tonight, skittish and jumpy. He saw Steve’s reaction to your disappearance, angry and hurt. Bucky thought that a snowball in hell stood a better chance than you're returning. "Not happening. I lost it on her, Buck. Smashed up mom's dresser, yelled… It was like being outside myself, watching myself do and say these terrible things. And it wasn't her fault. Not really. I mean, yea, she fucked him but he was me, so-" "Whoa. Stop. Say that again?" Steeling himself to relieve this afternoon’s nightmare again, Steve swallowed hard, "Loki, you know how he can… shape shift? Well, he came here as me and I walked in on myself screwing my girl!" Bucky's eyebrows lifted, his full lips curling into a cockeyed grin, "Wait. You're telling me that you came home and saw yourself banging your future fiancé?" Pausing, catching Bucky barely holding back a smirk, "Yea… why?" And for some reason, after all the incredible things Steve had shared tonight, it was the idea of Steve catching himself balls deep in your naughty bits that made Bucky laugh. Once he started, Bucky couldn't control the mad giggles from overtaking him, much to Steve’s astonishment. But then Steve laughed, too, "I guess it is pretty funny, when you think about it." "I mean, your face must have been priceless!" Clutching his stomach as the laughter grew stronger, Bucky had tears running down his cheeks at the image Steve described. Sure, it was a horrible thing, but who could say that they watched themselves having sex like that without being in porno? It took them both a minute to calm down, with Steve settling enough to counter, "Shit, Buck! I was pissed! I probably looked crazy." "That I do believe. What did you say to her? Them?" Now his face flushed scarlet, burning with embarrassment. The lie was just easier to get out, "Um… I don't really remember. I know I surprised Loki and well, my girl fainted from being used by him. The shock of it not being me, ya know?" Bucky didn't buy it, but he let his friend sell the story anyway, "Must have been scary for her. And that's when you secured Loki in the locked shed? And set Nat as your watchdog?" "Yup." Unable to meet his friend’s stormy stare, knowing that it would undo him completely, Steve focused on the edge of the table, running his fingers back and forth along the rough wood. If this were an interrogation and Bucky were sitting across from a suspect and not his best friend, he’d have no problem beating the guilty man into submission. But Steve was his strongest connection to this world, this time, and it was hard to walk away from family, even if they didn’t deserve the benefit of your doubt. To that end, one thing still bothered Bucky, "Why not cancel the party, man?" "Because I still want to marry her." Pulling the small black box from his front pocket, Steve toyed with the thing, his vision of a future with you still so close to realized. Whistling at the size of the sparkly rock enshrined in white gold, "Fancy. What do you think your chances are? Think she'll say yes?" "My chances went down to zero the second Loki dropped down to Earth. As for her answer… Dunno. I… I hope so, but now…", Steve faded off, knowing there was little hope for your romantic reunion if he didn’t have a clear idea of where you were at the moment. "Now Loki’s back." "Right." “And they’re gone, together.” “Right.” “And Fury’s on his way.” Striding in on impossibly high heels, Natasha folded her arms over her chest, eyeing the two gossiping men in front of her. It was going to be a long night. --- Somehow you had made it to the treeline undetected, using the orchard as a shield, ducking behind trunks as you and Loki scrambled toward the edge of the property. You couldn't help looking over your shoulder, checking for pursuit, worrying that Steve or Natasha were going to find the pair of you. There was no possible way they would let you get away, not after today, not with Loki. It was a bit treacherous, though. There was only natural light to guide you through twisted branches and raised roots, so your progress was slower than you wanted, but Loki was with you. Even beaten and bruised, he radiated calm, a soothing balm for your frayed nerves. Something about that made this whole situation seem better, manageable. You were no longer alone, Loki was here, holding your hand, not directing you but consulting. "Pet… the roadway is up ahead. Stay here, tucked out of sight." Pulling your long lost lover close, a small kiss passed between you, a passionate promise to sit still. Stepping tentatively out onto the gravel filled shoulder, Loki surveyed the highway quickly. When he was satisfied that the coast was clear, Loki waved at you, motioning you forward. Striding confidently at your side, Loki stopped in the dead center of the yellow lines, his grounding arm around your waist. A car, low, black, expensive, came racing round the bend, barreling towards you. Tucking your chin to Loki's chest, you gripped him tight, readying for the car's impact. A roar of wind swirled around you, grabbing at your skirt, whipping around your legs. For a second you thought you'd been struck. Breathless, your lungs emptied. There was nothing solid under you, just the feeling of Loki and a current of warm air. Next, you felt the impact of hard earth under your feet, vibrating through your shins, then Loki's grip loosening a touch, "Ok, darling?" Peeking from under his arm you saw lights everywhere. A bar was to your left, filled with noisy drinkers, barely discernible from the traffic around you. Honking horns made you jump, "Where the hell are we?" "Cleveland. I can't yet take us off world. I'm still a bit weak, I'm afraid… but at least we have a bit of a head start on Rogers and Fury." People pushed past you on their way to dinner, chirping happily, not seeing you in their tunnel vision. Being anonymous was a nice change, welcome even, as your personal life had been lost to Steve's intergalactic presence. On the busy streets of Ohio no one took notice of the two well dressed people standing on the damp sidewalk. "Um, you changed?", no longer sporting his battle gear, Loki was dapper in a black suit with an ebony tie. Leaning closer you straightened it, not because it was crooked, but because you needed to feel it… him. The whole look was just shy of too much, but that was the space Loki filled best and honestly, looking at him made your heart swell. Loki was back, and yours. After more than two years, having him close again felt natural, easy. In so many ways, the opposite of your life with Steve. As if somehow sensing your tug into nostalgia, Loki knuckled your chin up, "Just keeping up with you, love." His nose brushed against your own, so weirdly intimate and innocent for a man who had slapped your ass red only hours ago. Resting his forehead to yours, you inhaled that magical combination of burning sparklers, broken in leather with just a hint of honeyed citrus, "God, I forgot how great you smell." "Hmm… dove, there is nothing on Asgard that smells or tastes as wonderful as you. Believe me. I looked." "Careful Loki… people will say we're in love." At your cheekiness, Loki claimed your lips, his hands sliding over the soft fabric of your dress. Clinging to him, unwilling to let go now that he had returned, you puffed out a pouty sigh as Loki withdrew. “Norns. You know how badly I want you again? I can barely think straight for wanting you.” Oblivious to everything around you, lost in the sweeping pools of Loki’s desire filled expression, you toyed with his collar, “We have a lot of catching up to do, for sure.” “I’d love to get reacquainted-” here he paused to lick over his full lower lip, hunger for you dripping from every word, “-but we are on the run from the Earth’s mightiest heroes.” Snickering, you rolled your eyes at the thought of the Avengers, hours away eating charcuterie in Steve’s backyard. Stepping back, you sighed, “You’re right. So, have you got a plan?” Hanging in the air, your sentence had just left your mouth, your tongue still savoring the syllables when a sizzling crack snapped next to your ear. Swinging you away, forcing you to the sidewalk, Loki spun in a blaze of green. Crouched over you, snarling, “Fury! Always a pleasure to see you.” Stepping from the blazing golden circle supplied by Dr. Strange, Fury crossed onto the Cleveland sidewalk from your now empty garden party, weapon trained on Loki’s broad chest. “Wish I could say the same, Loki. You know it’s time to end this. Let’s take our… deliberations back to the office. Talk about this man to man.” A barking laugh left your lover, “Man to man? I am a GOD! And you… you are pathetic. Your attempts to keep me off Earth, imprisoned, away from my woman have all failed.” “Where are you going to go? You can’t get off the planet without help. My help. And it’s yours, Loki, if-” “If I come quietly? Tail between my legs, submissive and compliant?” As the words left his mouth, you watched, focused on the way Loki was shifting closer to you. The long fingers of his right hand were visible, reaching back for you, a silent signal of his escape plan. Fed up and furious, Nick Fury’s voice was flat with frustration, “Loki. Enough. Let’s do this somewhere people aren’t.” “Oh, I don’t know, this seems as good a place as any!” Circling Loki, edging nearer, Fury tried reasoning, “Endangering civilians isn’t going to make things easier. You know that.” “You know, I’d love to talk about how you betrayed me. How you stonewalled my lady… how you put Captain America in my place, as if he could ever be worthy of her. But, I’m a little busy at the moment.” Snapping his fingers, you jumped to your feet, grabbing for Loki’s outstretched hand. The second your palm connected that feeling of floating overcame you once more. This time you were ready for the roar of traveling through space by Loki’s magic, the push of meeting the ground, the curl of Loki’s body against yours. Blinking, you opened your eyes on new scenery, the chill of a beautiful sea soaked morning breaking around you. Straightening the coat of his pristine suit, Loki smiled at you as his fingers wove between your own, “New Asgard. My brother’s realm, now ruled by Valkyrie, by his abdication. We need to find him. He has a lot to answer for.” --- "Just what in the hell happened? I thought I was very clear about avoiding this exact problem." Pacing, hands firmly on his leather belted waist, Nick Fury growled at the bent head of Steve Rogers. "Now Loki’s on the run, dragging your… Well, what is she exactly Captain? Girlfriend? Fiancé? Mark? along for the ride." At those harsh words, Steve started, ready to focus his own anguish somewhere, anywhere. Fury was as good a target as any, as far as Steve was concerned. Pushing off the paving stones, he was stalled from rising by Natasha's firm hand and quiet words, "We have an idea-" "I don't want ideas. Not from you two. What I want are answers, Romanoff, and I want them now." Sitting on the emptied bench of the picnic table, still covered with your pretty tablecloth and jars of peonies, Natasha sighed, "I didn't have time to alert Steve. Loki made it here first and… reconnected-" "Is that what we're calling it?" Snapping, Nick glared from his good eye, his last name never more appropriate. Exhaling deeply, Natasha Romanoff squared her shoulders, "Sir, Loki… manipulated the circumstances." "Just what in the hell does that mean?" All three available eyes locked onto Steve, “What it means, Fury-” lifting his golden head with a jaw clenched tight, “- what it means, is that the son of a bitch showed up here and had his way with my woman. “After Loki… took advantage of her, I had him. He was contained, here, in my shed. It was modified with the restraints Tony provided with Thor’s direction.” “And still, he got away?” Disbelief clouded every syllable from Fury. That his two top agents had failed and so badly, had the normally stoic director steaming. Standing now, Steve was almost chest to chest with the man who’d been pulling the strings of this entire operation. Natasha, watching closely, knowing that she would only be able to subdue one of them if it came to it, gently palmed the dagger concealed in her waist band. Steve thrust forward, brushing past Fury before facing him once more, “Yea, Nick. He did. He got away.” “Do you know how?” Fury’s fingers were curled around his pocket taser, just in case Captain America needed a jolt, reminding him of who was calling the shots here. It wouldn’t do much except give Nick a head start, but with the Captain looking so rough and so raw, the SHIELD director would take any advantage available. “We believe that… he was set free.” Natasha didn’t want to say the words. You had let Loki go, that much she knew to be true, and she supposed that it made some sort of sense. Steve had been right all along. You and Loki did have some cosmic connection that even time and distance couldn’t eliminate. Intervening for the sake of Fury’s mission and Steve’s pining heart, Natasha had no qualms about why she’d guided you into a relationship, in fact, she still believed that he was a better man for you than Loki. But no. No matter what Rogers did, you had never let go with him like you had with the younger son of Odin. Not that you complained. You had taken all of Natasha’s words of praise, her seemingly well intentioned advice, her flat out advocating for Steve in stride. Sure, your friendship suffered for it. Natasha, never having been one for close ties to anyone, had enjoyed the talking and gossiping. It was nice to have a girl around the tower. One who understood period cramps and cravings. A person who would put on high heels and makeup for a night of dancing then suggest hoodies and shorts for watching Pride and Prejudice. That was over now. When she had been, well, frankly, overpowered by Loki and his new paralyzing weaponry, Natasha knew the plan for a peaceful capture of the prince was over. Having seen the aftermath of your reunion with the space god, having seen Steve’s seething anger, the Black Widow felt her own ire spike. Didn’t you know how hard she had worked? How tireless her efforts had been to keep you and Loki apart? Just how invested she was in joining you and Steve together? It was like you wanted to throw all of that away, squandering those bonding moments where you had become something more than a mission, those times when you were Natasha’s only real friend. Couldn’t you just go along with the plan, unknowing, quietly? She knew you couldn’t, wouldn’t. It wasn’t in your nature. So, channeling that frustration into the cold facade that so many had seen just before they met their end, Natasha had to compartmentalize the “you” she cared about away from the “you” she was responsible for trailing. Both had pissed her off. Now, hearing the gruff grumble of Director Fury bearing down on her, Natasha could only accept the berating tone of his hard words. He wasn’t wrong. She and Steve had fucked up royally, the whole mission was blown, and while Bucky had certainly aided in your escape, he was blameless collateral damage. The consequences fell to you and the Captain. Killing you was going to be hard for them both, but if it had to be done, so be it. Shrugging, Natasha started again, “Nick, we have a tracker on her. We know that she and Loki made it to Cleveland, but he can’t get away from Earth without some aid.” “Well, that’s good to know, if only it was some new intelligence. You’re tracking her? Great! Where is she now? Don't know huh? Well, she and Loki tele-ported from a city sidewalk, in front of me and hundreds of civilians, with no word on their next destination. “And make no mistake. Loki will find a way off of this planet and when that happens, there’ll be nothing else we can do.” “So what? Let him go! He’s won, Nick. It’s over.” Throwing himself down onto the bench, Steve’s dejected voice breaking, he slumped over his feet. “That’s not an option Cap. Loki is more powerful now than he’s ever been. You both read the reports. He wasn’t just hanging around on Asgard. No, Loki was negotiating peace between his native realm of Jotunheim and his adoptive home. He was gifted with tools and technology that no human could hope to wield. Earth ending stuff, Captain.” “Whatever plans you had of making peace are over now. There’s no way Loki gives us any help… and why would he after all this?” “Rogers, I’ll do whatever I must to keep this planet and the creatures on it safe. Loki is a threat to that, just by existing. With his new powers, high placed connections and intergalactic royal title, he had the potential to be unstoppable.” Seething breath puffed out the chests of the two men standing toe to toe. Machismo made Natasha want to vomit. Men. “Look, I’ll go after them. Steve, stay here, in case she reaches out. I’ll take the quinjet and trace their path.” Standing now herself, Natasha turned to the depressed super soldier, patting his arm, “Bucky’s still here. I’ll let you know when I’ve found anything.” “No. Nat, I can’t let you go alone. It’s my fault, too.” “You’re no good to me like this, Rogers.” “But, She’s-” Cutting him off, Natasha stepped closer to Nick, “I know, but you’re too involved. If tough choices need to be made, can you?” Gulping hard, passing a rough hand over his face, Steve frowned, “I can do my duty, if that’s what you’re asking.” “Steve.” Her tone said it all the words she wouldn't vocalize. I don’t trust you, not now, not like this. I don’t believe you will have my back at the cost of the woman you claim to love. I don’t think you can do the job. Fury didn't allow her the chance to elaborate, jumping in with his definitive voice, “Natasha’s right, Rogers. You’re staying right where you are, on the bench. Romanoff and I are going to resolve this issue without any further problems.” Half hearted, strength sapped, Steve raised his eyes to the leather clad figures before him, “Please. Please, Nick… Nat. Don’t hurt her.” “I promise, Steve. I won’t.” And in the second, all three knew she was lying.

--- Finding Thor’s shanty was easier than you expected. A friendly fisherman was only too happy to point you in the right direction. What you saw upon arrival was not entirely what you had expected when visiting Loki’s brother. It was a beat up looking cottage, surrounded by empty cases of cheap Midgardian beer, crumpled take out containers, and a collection of well fed seagulls situated near the edge of the village, “Ugh. What a pig.” “Loki! It’s… charming?” Your admonishing whisper turned the statement into a question at the sight of Loki’s disgusted face. For a second you just stood at Loki’s side, staring at the weather beaten front door, your hand clasped in his strong one. “It’s disgusting.” Agreeing with a small nod, “Um, yes. Yes, it is. But, this is your brother’s house and you said we needed to talk to him. Step one is ringing his bell.” “No. I won’t do it.” You had forgotten about this side of Loki. Fastidious, precise and obstinate, Loki could cop an attitude that had the ability to drive someone crazy. Someone like you. Over the last two years it had been easy to forget all the little things that made Loki prickly. It was even easier to forgive him. Since he’d left, you had looked at your life together through rose glasses, through a gentle fog of missing him, and those elements of your relationship that were less than perfect had been abandoned. Now, standing outside the hovel that Thor called a home, as a fresh day dawned over New Asgard, you were reminded of all those imperfect things that came with loving Loki. A wave of need, love, and longing for him rolled over you. All of those imperfections made you perfect for each other. Rising up on your toes you pressed a small kiss to Loki’s pout, taking the tall God by surprise, “What was that for?” Shyly grinning, you bit into your bottom lip, “I missed you… missed kissing you.” “Then perhaps you should come over here again?” That was all the invitation you needed. Stepping into Loki’s space, your chest resting against his own, you savored the nearness of him, as himself. He wasn’t playing at being Steve. Loki was here, he was with you, and if you weren’t mistaken his hands were drifting down your backside. The rush of it, well, it was familiar and new at the same time. How Loki seemed to inhale your breath, inhale you, as his mouth opened to accept your lips. His gentle exhale, a moan, as his tongue licked over your own. It was overwhelming. It was wonderful. Stepping back, you started to pull away, only for Loki to wrap his arms around your waist, “Not so fast, darling.” Losing yourself, you focused solely on the firmness of his body, the weight of his hands on your hips, the intensity of Loki’s desire. Intoxicating, heady, you leaned into those feelings. Kissing Loki back, you tangled his hair in your hand, earning another one of those sultry sounds that made your legs weak. How had you lived without the passion and pleasure he provided for so long? A smashing crash broke the quiet morning causing you to jump in Loki’s embrace, “What the hell was that?” Immediately on the defense, Loki pushed you behind him, crouching into a protective stance. From over his broad shoulder you watched, worried about the new danger coming your way, unsure how to help your reactive lover. Another rattle had Loki palming his dagger, anticipating an attack. That’s when a raccoon, bigger than your childhood terrier, scuttled from under an overturned trash can carrying what looked like a half eaten slice of pizza in its mouth. “Appalling! Mother would be modified!” Loki cursed as he offered you his hand, kicking away an empty glass bottle, "Why is he living like a dirty animal, surrounded by trash? One would think they were back on Sakaar!" “I don’t know what’s going on with Thor, but we came here for a reason. Let’s get it over with, ok?” Loki shook his head, refusing to step any closer, “He’ll have to come out here. I won’t go inside this… dilapidated shit box.” Sighing, “Fine. Fine, I’ll do it.” Stepping around a pile of broken electronics, you carefully picked your way to the front door, gracefully knocking on the splintering wood. After an answerless few seconds, you tried again, rapping lightly with your knuckles before turning to flash Loki a small smile. That’s when you noticed the striking woman striding towards you and your returned lover. “My, my… is that pretty Prince Loki I see?” Even her voice was sexy, you thought, as the sarcastic words dripped from her full lips. The swaggering stranger radiated cool, calm, sensual energy. Otherworldly energy that made you feel mortal and boring. You couldn’t help tugging your skirt straight and fluffing your hair as she got closer. “Ah… Valkyrie! How are you?” Hugging her tightly when she opened her arms, Loki found that he was genuinely happy to see the fierce, battle tested warrior. Smirking at your man, she countered, “That’s King Valkyrie to you. Your brother crowned me, or have you forgotten?” “On the contrary. It seems like he finally realized what I’ve known all our lives.” “Which is what, exactly?” “He’s not fit to be the ruler of Asgard, obviously.” Drawing right up to Loki, hands on her hips, Valkyrie leveled her dark eyes at his, “What would you know about ruling, Mischief?” “Enough to know that you’re good at it. Enough to know that I no longer want to be the King of Asgard.” “Is that so? And what’s changed your mind?” At those skeptical words, Loki wound an arm around your waist, tugging you close, “I’ve got more… important concerns these days.” Looking you over with her shrewd, searching gaze, but speaking to Loki, “And she likes you? Are you sure?” Laughing, the sound deep and rich, “As much as you like fighting and drinking.” “I hardly drink anymore. As King I have mead only on important occasions, I have to keep my wits about me the rest of the time.” Sharing a laugh, the two shared another small hug before Valkyrie turned to you directly, “Alright. Who’s this then?” Loki started to respond but you cut him off, extending a hard towards the newly crowned King of Asgard, “Uh, I can answer for myself, thank you, Loki. Valkyrie is it? Nice to meet you. And, yes, I love Loki.” Making a face that was part disgust, part pride, Valkyrie smirked, “Love? Oh no. Hasn’t anyone told you yet? Loving the Odinson boys is hard on a girl.” Pulling Loki in for a small kiss, taking him by surprise, “I’ll take my chances.” Shrugging nonchalantly, “Suit yourself.” Focusing on Loki once more, Valkyrie shifted on her feet, “Listen, if you’re looking for Thor, he’s not here.” “Oh? And where exactly is the lovable oaf?” Hitching a thumb over her shoulder, pointing up the hill, “At the palace… the new palace, that is. You can come and, please, don’t forget your girlfriend.” Falling in line behind the King, Loki couldn’t help but add, “You know Val, I think I liked you better when you were drunk.” Snorting in response, “And I know I liked you better when I was drunk, weird right?” Bringing up the rear, your own sarcastic comment dying on your throat when the Palace of New Asgard came into view. Banners of gold shimmered in the light of the rising sun, flapping in the breeze of the young morning, beckoning you closer. You hugged Loki’s arm tighter, excited and exhilarated by the sight before you. “Home is a people, not a place. Those were some of my father’s last words to Thor and I… and while I can never take you to the place where I grew up, this… this is the home of my people.” “Loki… it’s beautiful!” Valkyrie, stopping so you could both catch up, “It’s getting there. Thor’s been a huge help. Come on, let's show you around the palace and let your brother know you’re here.” ---To Be Continued!

My minxes: @sammy-jo1977 @vodka-and-some-sass @just-random-obsessions @brokenthelovely @lots-of-loki @thefallenbibliophilequote @iamverity @iluvsumbucky @unadulteratedwizardlove @wolfsmom1 @procrastinatinglikeabitch @mizfit2 @shxdowofdarkness @nonsensicalobsessions @ahintofkiwistrawberry @alexakeyloveloki @jessiejunebug @rorybutnotgilmore @crystalizedcaramel @lokislittlecorner @scrumptious-finicky-illusion @capcapcapsicle @jamielea81 @caffiend-queen @thenatalie @otakumultimuse-hiddlewhore @jenjen8675309 @that-one-person

#loki x reader #loki x you #loki fanfic #loki smut #loki multipart #MCU fanfiction #mcu x reader #mcu x you #steve rogers smut #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers x you #bucky barnes #valkyrie #thor

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angelsswirl · 4 years

Text

Whatever Makes You Happy

Chapter 7: who are you to judge me

I wonder what she thinks of me when you stay awake

After you make love to her, but I'm still on your brain

You watched as Lisa grumbled around the penthouse disgracefully. Kijung and Dohyung seemed to notice as they eyed her oddly and stayed closer to you.

After her fourth time slamming a cupboard shut you had finally had enough.

"Lisa. Is something wrong?" You asked.

She gave you a look that clearly said 'What gave that away?'. She looked like she was about to speak before she turned and realized her kids were within earshot.

You got the hint, "Ki, Doh, did you clean your room like your mother asked earlier?"

"We know this is a ploy to get us out of the room so we don't hear your adult talk." Kijung got up from where he and his twin were playing video games on the livingroom floor.

"But we're running a bet to see who gets in trouble the least this week. So, we'll go." Dohyung continued. With that, they both left the room.

Lisa made a face, "They didn't get that from me." She raised her hands in surrender.

You rolled your eyes playfully.

"Anyway. What's got you all worked up today."

Lisa sighed dramatically before falling onto the couch, letting her body be taken with the momentum.

"My parents want to push up the wedding."

You froze in your seat, not that you had been moving anyway. But you had almost definitely stopped breathing.

You try to tell yourself this isn't a big deal. That Lisa was never yours to begin with. You haven't even had sex or anything like that.

But now, you definitely won't get to.

"Why?" It's soft and croaky and your mildly embarrassed.

"Money. Publicity. Same thing it always is. I thought I was being nice by letting my artists take breaks. Visit their families. But stocks are plummeting."

You fiddled with your fingers, "Then what does that mean..."

Lisa looked at you forlornly and sighed, "Who were we kidding, Y/N..."

That pissed you off.

She was kidding herself. She was the one who got you into this mess. She was the one who hired you on a whim, because she was horny and could probably sense that you were to.

She was the one who gave you false hope. Convinced you that maybe there could be something between the two of you.

And now...nothing.

"I'll be back in a little bit." You said without looking at Lisa. You trudged to the door and grabbed your jacket.

"Where are you going?"

"Taking a day off. Don't wait up."

"Y/N-"

You didn't stay to hear her beg or reason or whatever it was she planned to do.

You just closed the door softly behind you.

~•~

About after thirty minutes of wandering aimlessly, you find yourself at the counter of a medium decency bar.

Your tequila dribbles bitterly over your tongue, but you don't exactly care.

"Hard day?"

You almost flinch out of your skin at the words. You turn toward the voice with a raised eyebrow, and proceed to almost spit out your drink.

The woman is gorgeous. Her soft brown eyes glint with a mischievousness you're mildly terrified of. And yet you feel compelled to talk to her.

"Uh yeah, I guess you can say that."

The woman nodded resolutely, "I've been there. Want to play a little game with me? I promise it'll cheer you up." That mischievous look is back with a vengeance, but you'd be lying if you said you weren't interested.

"...Sure."

"Nice. I'm Jennie, by the way." She held out her hand for you to shake.

"Y/N." You took her hand and shook it.

"So, Y/N. How much do you want to bet that I can get that hot bartender over there to kiss me?" Jennie nodded in the direction of the bartender with a tilt of her head.

You eyed the bartender that was currently at the other end of the bar. She was gorgeous as well and you could see why Jennie would want to kiss her. But if judging by the way she dealt with the rowdy men at the bar, you didn't think she would want to kiss Jennie back.

"Fifty bucks says she laughs in your face." You say. The tequila is definitely kicking in now.

Jennie raised an eyebrow and seemed to hesitate for a split second, before smiling devilishly again.

"Deal."

Jennie scooted closer to you, "I'm going to need to use you for this next scene, if you don't mind."

You shook your head. Jennie nodded and threw her arm around your shoulders. You leaned toward the bar and waved her hand in the air. Grabbing the bartender's attention.

You've never seen someone roll their eyes harder in your life.

"Can I help you?"

"Yes, can you please get this fine woman next to me and I a few shots?" Jennie swayed a bit, playing up her inebriation.

The bartender just stared blankly, "Jennie. This better not be another one of your ploys to make me jealous."

Jennie threw her hands up into the air in exasperation, "Babe! You ruined it. I almost just made you fifty dollars in tips. All you had to do was kiss me."

The woman rolled her eyes again. She turned toward you, "Sorry about my girlfriend here. She turns into a con artist when she's drunk and bored. I'm Jisoo."

You laughed at the situation, "Y/N."

"Nice to meet you, Y/N. What brings you into a moderately dingy bar at 1 am?"

Jennie looked at you as though she wanted to know the answer as well.

You debated telling them, you couldn't really. At least not in great detail. So you resorted to the basics. Maybe, you could finally start to move on if you talked about it with someone.

"Um, there's this girl...I really like her but a relationship is out of reach at the moment and sort of always will be. I guess I always knew that but it didn't really hit until today, y'know?"

Jisoo nodded, "Why's a relationship out of reach if you don't mind me asking?"

You stared down into your empty glass, "Because she's already in one."

"Oh, I can see how that would be a problem." Jisoo slapped Jennie on the arm lightly. Jennie pouted exaggeratedly.

"Okay...what do you like so much about this chick?" Jennie asked as she rubbed her arm.

That's as easy a question as you've ever been asked.

"She's driven, hard working, passionate, strong, funny-"

"She's hot?"

You chuckled, "Very."

Jisoo swiped at the bar counter top.

"It sounds like you really like her..."

"I do." You shook your head tiredly.

"Does she feel the same way about you?"

Lisa was hard to read, but there were somethings even she couldn't hide.

"I believe so."

"...I would like to preface what I'm about to say by emphasizing that I in no way condone cheating. And if anything bad happens, I get plausible deniability. It sounds like you need to listen to your heart."

"What does that mean, Jisoo?"

Jisoo smiled, "Whatever your heart tells you it means."

You blinked at her, so did Jennie, "Thank you for the help, Jisoo." You were only being slightly sarcastic.

She rolled her eyes for the umpteenth time that night. She turned around and grabbed a bottle of some expensive alcoholic drink, "You'll get it in due time. In the meantime, drink up. It's on the house."

You didn't have to even think twice at that demand.

~•~

"Jen Jen.... you and chu are sooo HAWT together...caniwatchsometime." You slinked against Jennie's body and slurred your words together severely.

Jennie had been lucky to get your address out of you. She knocked on the door of the penthouse with a grunt.

"You forgot to mention you were rich." She mumbled.

"I'mnot riiich it's my bossy!"

Before Jennie could ask you to elaborate, the door opened, and that was just about all the elaboration she needed.

You looked from where your head was placed precariously on Jennie's shoulder, "LISSSSAAA! imissedyou. I mean I'm mad at you. Buti did miss you a little bi. I'm drunk."

Jennie pretty much let you fall into Lisa's arms unceremoniously.

"You smell great."

"What did you do to her?" Lisa said rather accusatory.

You can practically hear Jennie cross her arms and roll her eyes even in your state.

"If I did this to her do you think I would bring her home?"

Jennie raised a fair point.

"Fine. Sorry. Thanks for bringing her back..." Lisa sounded as though she would rather poke her eyes out then apologize, but she did anyway. She squeezed the bridge of her nose with the hand that you weren't slung across.

"Jennie. And don't worry. She's my new best friend. She's too good a person to let anything bad happen to." Jennie said pointedly.

"Yeah... Okay. Bye." Lisa attempted to close the door.

"Wait."

"Yes?"

"She's in love with you, y'know?"

Lisa sighed heavily, "I had an idea."

"Look, I know you don't know me. And her and I just met. But I gave her my number and if she calls it and says she's heartbroken over you, because you led her on and let her believe in something that was never obtainable...I don't care if you're some all big and powerful and rich industry mogul, I will ruin your life." Jennie stuffed her hands into her pockets casually.

Lisa ground her teeth together, "Is that a threat?"

Jennie chuckled humorously, "No. It's a promise. It was nice to meet you, Lisa. Take care of her for me."

With that, Jennie turned on her heels, and strutted back down the hall.

Lisa only sighed again and shifted you in her arms.

#whatever makes you happy #jesssica's fanfic #blackpink fanfic #blackpink #lisa x reader #lisa fanfic

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