#they would have to play as close as biblical Jesus as possible and never be acknowledged as their actors for this to work

[moka-pot-official]

This is my short list of the funniest casting possible for Jesus Christ in Gomens S3

[etcnnante]

love being insane about weather report and i need to spew my thoughts about him and pucci and their stories aligning greatly with those told about cain and abel. as well as emporio being awfully similar to seth- cain and abel's lesser known younger brother. a LOT of biblical talk which i know most people aren't fond of, so it's going under a read more.

the story of cain and abel is so widely known, but i don't think most people know everything - such as the upbringing, the buildup, and the inevitable downfall of the two. the story of cain and abel have been done over and over, each told a varying degree of success, so i think it's interesting to see araki's version of it. (if he even intended the similarities to be there, which could be possible. but i don't doubt it since he is quite well versed in christianity / the imagery.) honestly, when you think about it at first ... the similarities don't seem to be there besides the obvious "pucci killed his brother and betrayed him" since weather got in the way of him achieving heaven. but the longer you look, the more you can see the similarities. so please bear with me as we try to unscramble these thoughts together and best explain the betrayal story of cain and abel, and how seth comes in to save humanity. the most striking for me is the usage and importance of weather report's disk. when cain strikes abel, he is coated in the blood of his brother and because of this- the blood of abel that's staining his clothing, cain would never be able to reach heaven and inevitably leads to his downfall. the blood of abel preventing cain's entry in heaven reminds me a lot of the final showdown between pucci and emporio- the final stretch before gaining eternal greatness, where he is stopped by emoprio's utilization of weather report's disk, effectively preventing him from achieving heaven. while not quite the same, weather report's disk act's as the perfect replacement for abel's blood- a final haunting reminder of the killing of his brethren, now stopping pucci within his tracks and being used against him despite being so close to heaven even after his endless offerings. this is also where emporio's role of seth comes into play- and, in relation to cain and abel, seth services as a replacement for abel after his death- essentially becoming abel's new mouthpiece and ushers in our current humanity. which emporio does after weather's death, acting as his mouthpiece and successfully helping joylne create a new humanity- all while the disk comes back to haunt pucci and prevent him from achieving his goal. it's beautifully poetic, in a way. while obviously not shared by blood, the bond between emporio and weather cannot be underestimated. they had a great deal of trust in each other and it's clear weather even seemingly regarded emporio as a little brother to him, going to immense lengths to keep him safe. there's a lot more in relation to weather report and other biblical allegories- such as heavy weather being triggered subconsciously by weather's hatred for humanity, turning anyone affected by the rainbows into snails. the important bit is the snails, and how snails are thought of as "the symbol of the wicked passing away" within the bible- obviously signifying how weather truly feels about humanity and how vile and "slimey" it has become when regaining his memory. he can feel at ease knowing there will be no more wickedness plaguing humanity anymore. don't know how to properly conclude these thoughts. just hoping my rambles are coherent and don't seem too far stretched, especially since i do believe, in some way, this may be araki's personal retelling of cain and abel to some extent. the man is obviously into christianity and it's aesthetic's, it's not like jesus christ isn't an actual character in the damn series unironically 😭 but i hope theres some cohesion when explaining these thoughts because whew there’s a lot of them.

[denimbex1986]

'One 2004 R-rated movie, The Passion of the Christ, holds an incredible box office record that may never be beaten. Studios tend to avoid making R-rated movies, as a film being branded with the MPAA rating immediately slashes its box office potential. As a result, studios are typically of conscious of a film's rating during production, which can lead to some movies purposely avoiding gory scenes and heavy use of profanity. However, a number of movies have been able to escape the stigma that comes with an R-rating.

The Passion of the Christ made $622 million worldwide (via The Numbers), which is a huge number for a biblical drama. That's even more of a phenomenal success given that the movie had a relatively low budget of $30 million. For comparison, despite having a much better reception from critics, Martin Scorsese's The Last Temptation of Christ made just $33 million worldwide. The Scorsese-directed movie might have been released 18 years before Gibson's The Passion of the Christ, but even taking inflation into account, the 1988 movie doesn't come remotely close to the success of the 2004 release. However, regardless of genre, biblical or not, no other R-rated movie has been able to top Mel Gibson's record.

The Passion Of The Christ Has Been The Top R-Rated Performer At The Box Office For Almost 20 Years

There have been other R-rated movies that have grossed more than The Passion of the Christ, with the most obvious being the billion-dollar-grossing Joker. However, of the 2006 movie's worldwide total, $370.7 million of that was the movie's domestic box office gross. With that number, The Passion of the Christ still holds the record of the highest-grossing R-rated movie domestically. Deadpool is a close second with $363 million. The reason Joker became the highest-grossing R-rated movie of all time is because of its appeal across the world, and it made a whole $35 million less than The Passion of the Christ at the domestic level.

Which Upcoming R-Rated Movie Could Beat The Passion Of The Christ For The Top Box Office Spot?

It seems that if a billion-dollar-grossing R-rated movie can't beat The Passion of the Christ's record, then no other movie may pull it off either, especially taking into account inflation given that the movie is almost two decades old. However, there are a handful of upcoming R-rated movies that at least have a chance at dethroning the 2004 film. The first possibility is obvious: The Passion of the Christ 2. Jim Caviezel, who played Jesus in the first movie, explained (via CBN), "It's going to be the biggest film in world history."

The second possibility is the huge box office success Oppenheimer. So far, fhe movie has made almost $230 million domestically. However, Oppenheimer has other things going against it, such as being shot half in black and white, which would put some general audiences off. The movie is over three hours long as well, which will not only keep audiences from committing to watching it. The Passion of the Christ benefited from being a lean two hours...'

[osleyakomwonkru]

Octavia as The 100′s Jesus Figure, Part 4: Bardo, The Crucifixion and Second Coming of Octavia Blake

So we’re back for a fourth part of this series, which I started after season 6, because wouldn’t you know it - there’s more to be said.

In Part 1, Origin Story and the Meeting of Two Saviours, I discussed Octavia’s origin story as the Dark Saviour and her relationship with the show’s other Saviour Lincoln, and how with his death he invested her with the mission to save all of their people.

In Part 2, Saving Humanity and the First Passion of Octavia Blake, I talked about Octavia finally accepting and understanding her mission as the Saviour, redeeming the sins of humanity, and her first Passion narrative, which was left incomplete, and thus she lived.

In Part 3, Planet Alpha and the Second Passion of Octavia Blake, I wrote about Octavia’s second Passion narrative on Planet Alpha, which led to her road to Golgotha at the Anomaly, from which she is resurrected (the Crucifixion narrative still remaining a mystery) and then meets those she knew once again, before her ascension as the Anomaly reclaimed her in the last seconds of the S6 finale.

So now, Part 4 - Here we will get into that missing Crucifixion narrative, as well as the events that come to pass with Octavia’s Second Coming, the Judgment of Humanity, and how things may have played out differently had it been Octavia who walked into the glowy ball of light instead of Cadogan, Clarke and Raven.

From Dark to Light

Before we return to that missing Crucifixion narrative, which takes place on Bardo, Octavia, along with Diyoza and Hope, land on a different planet for ten years. This planet also has its purpose in our Saviour narrative, because while the show starts on dark themes, and thus needed Octavia as a Dark Saviour, in season 7 it began to shift to a theme of light and transcendence.

Enter the appropriately named Penance.

Octavia spends ten years on Skyring/Penance/Planet Beta, healing from her pain and darkness, and thus is no longer the Dark Saviour the narrative needed her to be before to bring salvation to her people, now she can be the Light Saviour who will save all of humanity.

Her new demeanour - though I hesitate to say new because it was born of ten years of peace, plenty, family, and healing, it wasn’t new to her, merely to those who used to know her for whom time had been much shorter - is evidence of her new Light. It confuses many, because they hadn’t had the same time and healing as she had, but it is evident in every move she makes. Rather than the tornado of righteous fury that she used to be, now Octavia is the steady and calm voice of reason - to Echo, to Hope, and especially to Clarke.

But back to that crucifixion narrative.

Every Noble Crown will be a Crown of Thorns

Her peaceful world torn asunder, Octavia is taken to Bardo, and thrown into M-Cap at the first opportunity. Others have mentioned how the M-Cap headcap looks like a crown of thorns, and they’re quite right - this is where Octavia’s Crucifixion narrative comes to fruition. No one spends as much time in that crown of thorns as she does.

She fights it, at first, but when acceptance is what will provide salvation to her people (or person, in this case, being Hope), she accepts her fate and faces her past - brutal days of reliving her history as the Dark Saviour, to firmly close that chapter of her life (a symbolic death rather than just her regular baptism-rebirth cycle).

She’s freed from her crown of thorns when Hope comes. Hope, the symbol of her new Light, and the Light that she will carry with her as she returns to Sanctum to be resurrected among those she once knew, those who had believed her to be lost, but who dearly needed the Light she was to bring them.

Revelation and The Second Coming

There are a lot of different moving pieces involved in the apocalyptic scenarios of Revelation, and how these come to play in season 7 of The 100 isn’t any different. So let’s take a look at some of the other key players and how they connect to Octavia’s story.

The False Prophet, The Dragon and The Beast

Now, in my Part 3 of this series (written after the S6 finale), I predicted that Bellamy would have a large part in the revelation of Octavia’s Saviour narrative. Obviously, that part didn’t come to pass, because of Bob’s absence from the show, but you can still see hints within the narrative that suggest he would have been a part of it before Bob pulled out (most notably, the Hesperides flashback in 7x04 - this flashback is pretty pointless in the context of Hope telling Echo and Gabriel that story, but if you imagine Bellamy being there to hear about how his sister raised Hope in much the same way he raised her - then it becomes way more meaningful).

But the narrative as it played out also presents interesting Biblical allusions, by casting Bellamy in the role of false prophet, fighting on the side of the Beast (Cadogan), instead of on the side of Christ (his sister).

The false prophet is said to be the second beast to rise in Revelation 13, who has “two horns like a lamb, but it spoke like a dragon” (Revelation 13:11) who is given the authority to speak on behalf of the first Beast (Cadogan), to deceive the people so that they will worship this Beast. The false prophet having the appearance of a lamb is relevant here, because Jesus is often referred to as the Lamb of God - thus, the false prophet (Bellamy) resembles the true Saviour (Octavia), not coincidental since they are in fact siblings and thus do bear some physical resemblances.

So who is The Dragon - that is, Satan? It is easy to say that the Dragon is Sheidheda, for it is the Dragon who is imprisoned, only to be released to deceive and wage war before being finally defeated. But it goes deeper than that - The Dragon is the dark side of the Flame itself, Sheidheda’s only the last prophet of that darkness. It is the Flame that gives Cadogan, the Beast, the power he needs to rule over his people - the glimpse of the idea of Judgment Day as something for the Disciples to work towards - “The dragon gave the beast his power and his throne and great authority” (Revelation 13:2) - even when the good side of the Flame, the Humanity that Becca believed so vital, wanted to keep it from him.

The Children of the Kingdom of Heaven

Jesus says “unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven” (Matthew 18:3). Octavia’s always been tied to different children throughout The 100 narrative, first as the child herself, and then others such as Gavriel, Ethan, Madi, Rose and Hope. But the important children for the purpose of this post are the three that are the “next generation” so to speak of the leading trio of the show, and their important roles in the final battle.

There’s Jordan, the Head-centered, who takes over Clarke’s role as John the Baptist, the prophet who bore witness to the Light (Jesus) so that others would believe. His testimony shows that the Final War is instead a Test, and he’s instrumental in making sure that Octavia can stop the war and pass the test to grant humanity eternal life instead.

There’s Hope, the Heart-centered, who takes over Bellamy’s role as Saint Peter, the disciple who becomes the leader of the church after Jesus’ ascension. Hope is Octavia’s grounding force, her new rock, and her love gives her strength to continue her journey.

And then there’s Madi, the Soul-centered, who is Octavia’s next generation counterpart. It’s made clear from the start of Madi’s introduction in season 5 that Octavia is her favourite, that Octavia is the one she looked up to, and even in season 7, these parallels are there, as Madi is ready to sacrifice herself to save the others, and in more peaceful ways too, like when she’s hiding in the reactor with her two new friends, reminiscent of season 1 Octavia and her friendship with Monty and Jasper. Madi, too, meets her Crucifixion in the M-Cap chair, in an even crueler and more vicious manner than Octavia did. But when Octavia saves humanity, this liberates Madi’s soul and grants her eternal life as well.

I am the Way, The Truth and the Life

Wonkru falls apart in Octavia’s absence. There’s no other way to say it. Wonkru crumbling in 7x03 is made even more conspicuous by the fact that they don’t even mention Octavia, because they’re still denying her, despite everything she brought them. They don’t realize that she’s the one to save them all, they don’t realize that, as Jesus says, “I am the Way, the Truth and the Life, no one comes to the Father except through me.” (John 4:16) - something that they will finally come to understand in the climax of the final episode.

But it isn’t time for that story yet. First we must turn to Revelation to see what happens to Wonkru and the others on Sanctum while they’ve chosen to deny her and follow the Dragon and the Beast instead.

Here we see the different plagues that strike the unbelievers - both in Revelation 8-9 and 16.

The first to come are “ugly, festering sores [that] broke out on the people who had the mark of the beast” (Revelation 16:2) - the radiation sickness that is a marker of the broken nuclear reactor in 7x03, which claims as James as one of its first victims. If you don’t remember who he was while watching that episode, look back to 6x02, where he’s one of the people attacking Octavia in the Eligius IV mess hall. He breaks faith with her, and here suffers the consequences of that.

The second and third plagues speak of both the seas and the rivers turning to blood - references to the rivers of blood created by Sheidheda’s massacres, first of the Faithful and then of the Children of Gabriel.

The fourth plague, the sun scorching people with fire, takes us to the eclipse in 7x13, where the sky is red with the eclipse. This leads to the fifth and sixth plagues - the kingdom being plunged into darkness as Emori kills power to the reactor to bring down the shield, which makes it possible for “locusts [to come] down on the earth” (Revelation 9:3) and devour those “who did not have the seal of God on their foreheads” (Revelation 9:5).

It is only the final plague - “rumblings… and a severe earthquake… [where] the great city split into three parts” (Revelation 16:18-19) - that strikes where Octavia is, with “a loud voice from the throne, saying ‘It is done!’” (Revelation 16:17). This line from Revelation calls back to what Octavia says to Hope in 6x13 before her Ascension - “Be brave, tell him it is done” - a sign that Octavia is needed elsewhere again. And soon enough she does depart to Bardo, alongside Clarke. Meanwhile, the survivors remaining on Earth have to reunite the three groups split in the bunker - those in the rotunda (Hope, Jordan, Gaia, Indra, Miller), those in the rec room (Raven, Murphy, Emori, Jackson) and those in the bunkrooms (Echo, Niylah) - to prepare for the final war and judgment.

The Fall of Babylon

Before Octavia can bring light to the world and grant humanity transcendence, there is still one more key part of Revelation that must come to pass, and that is the fall of Babylon: That is, in this ‘verse, Clarke.

Throughout Biblical narrative, Babylon stands in opposition to Jerusalem and its righteousness, just how in The 100 narrative Clarke and Octavia have always been set as foils to each other. Now, Clarke isn’t evil per se, but she’s always been set in her ways and doubles down when questioned about her past deeds - as we see both in how she faces the Primes in 6x03 and the Judge in 7x16. She doesn’t learn, and so she fails. Clarke, like Babylon, is locked out of heaven for not learning the patience and humility that Octavia did: “For her sins are piled up to Heaven, and God has remembered her sins. Give back to her as she has given, pay her back double for what she has done.” (Revelation 18:5-6).

With Clarke fallen, it is now time to begin the Final Judgment.

Final Test and Judgment

After Clarke’s fall, someone must step in to advocate for humanity, to guide the Judge’s gaze to the righteous, to the Saviour - Raven steps through the glowing orb to do so. So which figure in Revelation is most suited here? None other than the writer of Revelation themselves, historically considered to be John of Patmos, who is given these visions by the angels as a warning for humanity.

Raven bore witness to a number of the plagues, and while not always a believer in Octavia - in fact, out of all characters around for all seven seasons, they’ve shared the least screentime with each other - but they’ve still fought on the same side. Also of relevance here is that Raven’s been granted visions in the narrative of the show, like John of Patmos has in Revelation - though hers came as a result of ALIE.

While the Judge takes Raven to the battlefield in Bardo to prove humanity to be unworthy, this battlefield is instead where Octavia proves humanity to be worthy. Indra and Wonkru follow Octavia’s lead, finally recognizing that their only way to salvation was through her (see John 4:16 above), and after the Disciples too laid down their weapons, humanity is deemed worthy and the Judge grants them eternal life in the form of transcendence - rising to the heavens in the manner of the Rapture, “We who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air” (1 Thessalonians 4:17).

Where is the Judgment of the Dead?

Now, one thing missing in season 7 compared to the Book of Revelation and Jesus’ Second Coming is the Judgment of the Dead and welcoming those worthy into the domain of Heaven.

A longstanding phrase in The 100 has been “May We Meet Again”. This is part of the Traveler’s Blessing of Skaikru, and one that they use frequently with one another even in non-death contexts. So with that phrase, a lot of people expected that the dead would also be able to be part of transcendence somehow, and that beloved characters would then also be present on the beach in the final scene as they rejected transcendence to live mortal lives.

I believe, given everything in the past posts about Octavia, that had she been the one to go into the ball of light to face the Judge personally, rather than saving humanity on the battlefield, that this would have happened.

While logically I believe the best form for the Judge to take for Octavia would have been Diyoza, since Diyoza was her greatest teacher, her mind would be more likely to choose her greatest love, Lincoln - who, if we go back to Part 1 of this series, we remember is the other Saviour of this show’s narrative.

That would have been a reunion even more epic than the Clarke and Lexa reunion that the show gave us, for Lincoln and Octavia were far closer and together for far longer. And if the Transcendents possessed the powers that they do - instant genocide by crystallization at the wave of an arm, transcendence through the blink of an eye, restoration of healthy and whole bodies if those souls reject transcendence - then surely raising the dead would’ve been a simple task.

The only reason that couldn’t happen was extratextual - there was no way Ricky would work with JRoth again, and so this extra dimension, this aspect of the narrative that could have made things so much sweeter and less bitter, had to be put aside.

Now, that doesn’t diminish Octavia’s Saviour narrative in the least - she did still save humanity. She did still bear the sins of the human race, she was still mocked, cast out and sent to her crucifixion by those who denied her. She did still return from that symbolic death, resurrected, then ascended. When she faced Wonkru again - remember, that battlefield in 7x16 is the first time the bulk of Wonkru has seen her since 5x13 - it was in her Second Coming to bring the Final Judgment to them. The trials they’d faced in Sanctum in her absence showed them the truth - that they had to believe in her again to achieve their salvation.

She was the Way, the Truth and the Life of The 100 universe, and no one would have reached transcendence except through her.

[meta-squash]

Brick Club 2.3.8 “Inconveniences Of Entertaining A Poor Man Who May Be Rich”

This chapter is so long. Here goes.

Is it normal for Cosette to have to knock to get into the house she lives in? Or is Hugo just using that as a vehicle to make Mme Thenardier meet Valjean first?

It’s times like this that I desperately wish I knew more about biblical stories and fables and things. This, a rich man in disguise as a poor man being treated poorly by innkeepers and taking something from them, sounds like a bible story or a similar type of fable. But the only two bible stories I know with similar themes are the nativity story and Sodom and Gomorrah and neither of those seem quite right. Still, this entire episode reads like a fable or fairytale.

We’ve already seen how Evil the Thenardiers are re: their treatment of Cosette. Now we are seeing their Evil in the form of treatment of the poor.

You know, that’s an interesting thing that I’m not going to get into in this longass chapter. Javert’s evil and Thenardier’s evil are different because I feel like Javert’s evil is a lot more muddied or obscured by morality and duty and things like that. Where are the Thenardiers are bad but the badness of their actions is much more black and white. I think it’s also because, technically, they never have social power over anyone unless they are manipulative, whereas Javert always has the social power. I’m not sure where to go with either of these ideas but I will look back on it for a shorter chapter.

Cosette is ugly because she’s sad. It’s like the exact opposite of Roald Dahl’s description of ugliness. I called it on the orphanage thing and kids looking years younger than they are; she looks 6 when she’s 8. That doesn’t seem like a huge difference when you look at it written down but the difference between the size and maturity of a 6 year old vs an 8 year old is surprising.

In the way that the description of the doll was a distant echo of young Fantine, the description of Cosette here is a faded echo of dying Fantine.

“Fear was spread all over here; she was, so to speak, covered with it; fear squeezed her elbows against her sides, drew her heels up under her skirt, made her shrink into the least possible space...” I’m sure this description comes from Hugo observing children in his lifetime, but I also wonder if any of this comes from his brother who had schizophrenia and was institutionalized?

“The expression on the face of this child of eight was habitually so sad and occasionally so tragic that it seemed, at certain moments, as if she were on the way to becoming an idiot or a demon.” What an interesting pair of choices. Fear and sadness either stun and numb you completely or they turn you aggressive and evil. Hugo said the same thing before when talking about Valjean’s prison time. Again, like I said before, Cosette here is Valjean when we first met him: exhausted, scared, sad, numb, hatefully terrified of the people around her; the difference is that she still has hope. She had that moment of hoping someone would rescue her, she had the moment of pausing and wondering what the doll’s paradise was like; when we met Valjean he was past that kind of hope.

(Funny that Mme Thenardier doesn’t suspect the trick Valjean just pulled, despite Valjean “finding” a 20 sous piece instead of 15 sous piece.)

I love the description of Eponine and Azelma because it’s so innocent. They as little human beings aren’t morally bankrupt at the level of their parents yet. They’re still pretty and glowing. Partly because they are well-cared for unlike Cosette, and partly because they are still innocent.

“Eponine and Azelma did not notice Cosette. To them she was like the dog. The three little girls did not have twenty-four years among them, and they already represented the whole of human society: on one side envy, on the other disdain.”

Ah, human microcosms. Hugo loves those. The Thenardier children and Cosette are the pared down, simplified version of society. It’s also an excellent example of how Privilege works in layers. The girls’ doll is worn and old and broken, but the fact of them having a real doll and Cosette having nothing is already a layer of privilege Someone else, another little girl with wealthy parents and a new intact doll would have privilege over the Thenardier girls. There are layers.

I really love this passage too because it shows the start of the zero-sum game between Eponine and Cosette. At no point are Eponine and Cosette able to be equals. But the important thing is that neither of them are aware of this. Later, when Cosette and Eponine encounter each other again in the Gorbeau house, Eponine doesn’t have the awareness to be angry about the reversal of their fortunes. She seems sad, mostly, a jealousy born from a feeling of worthlessness rather than feeling slighted. And Cosette doesn’t even recognize Eponine, so there’s no room at all for disdain on her part, unless she’s disdainful of Eponine et al due to their poverty, though that never seems to be the case. But Eponine cannot be happy while Cosette is and Cosette cannot be happy while Eponine is, because their goals occupy the same fulcrum (Marius) and they can’t both be on the same level at the same time.

Fanfiction has explored this a lot in modern AU but I wonder the kind of havoc that could have been wreaked had Cosette and Eponine met and become proper acquaintances. Their teenage personalities are two sides of the same coin. I’ve always been of the opinion that had they switched places as children Cosette would have ended up like Eponine and Eponine like Cosette. Because Eponine has the capacity for kindness within her, except that she doesn’t know how to use it selflessly; and Cosette has the same stubborn ruthlessness as Eponine, except that she is held back by convention and reduced to talking a lot in order to try and somehow glean information from Valjean or Marius.

“Now your work belongs to me. Play, my child.” This is the second (or third?) Myriel moment for Valjean. Cosette is a child, an innocent child, but her soul doesn’t need to be bought for god. As far as I can tell, for Hugo, children are always holy. Instead, he’s buying her work. But that makes sense. For Valjean, his soul needed to be bought for god because he had already lost it to sin and to evil and to doubt. Cosette still has hope; what she needs bought from her is suffering.

And here is where the parallel continues. Cosette up until now has been Valjean as we first met him: sullen, suffering, scared, dulled, close to becoming “an idiot or a demon” and now, like Valjean’s soul, her work has been bought so she can be free.

I think it is within the walls of the convent that their parallels will catch up to each other and they will become more equal.

I feel as though the cat in a dress vs the sword in a dress must be some sort of parallel to Eponine and Cosette’s personalities but I’m not quite sure how to pull the meaning out.

“A little girl without a doll is almost as unfortunate and just as impossible as a woman without children.” Ugh. Gross, Hugo. This whole chapter was so lovely and then this misogynist bullshit.

I can explain the “water on her brain” line! Mostly because it’s a medical condition I actually have! So, “water on the brain” is another term for hydrocephalus, which is a buildup of cerebrospinal fluid in the ventricles of the brain. It can be caused by being born prematurely (like mine was) or by infections/head trauma. Nowadays they can put a shunt in your head that pumps the fluid into the abdominal cavity (which is what I have), but obviously they didn’t have the technology back then. So what happens to the head if the fluid doesn’t drain, is the head will start to increase in size, and the fluid buildup will squish the brain against the sides of the skull, causing seizures and brain damage/intellectual disabilities and vision problems and other such things. I function perfectly fine except for mild dyscalculia and ADHD (which might have been genetic anyway) but back in the 19th century hydrocephalus probably would have resulted in either mild-to-severe disabilities or death.

Cosette doesn’t have hydrocephalus, but what she does have is severe malnutrition, which can make a person’s head look much too large for their body. So Mme Thenardier is likely using Cosette’s appearance due to neglect to fake that she has a neurological problem and explain why they have to “take care of” her.

Jesus fucking christ this next bit is so much. There’s so much going on. Mme Thenardier is talking to Valjean about Cosette’s mother, the drinkers are singing vulgar songs about the Virgin Mary and baby Jesus, and Cosette is under the table singing “My mother is dead.” to herself. Woof. It is, yet again, an instance of the memory of “Fantine” (in the symbolic, saintly form of the Virgin) being sullied both by the foul songs of the drinkers and the callous, flippant commentary of Mme Thenardier. And Cosette is there under the table, staring at the fire, suddenly playing the role of her own mother, rocking the sword-baby (herself) to try and comfort herself from the shock of this new knowledge that her mother is dead.

(Anyone else read As I Laying Dying, by the way? All I could think of when I read that line was “My mother is a fish.”)

We start to see Cosette’s bold personality come out in fits and starts. She’s brave enough to sneak out and grab the doll Eponine and Azelma have abandoned. But it’s also an example of how desperate she is for something pleasurable and good, considering she’s doing that at the risk of a beating.

For the second time, we see Cosette so absorbed in her moment of “I Want” that she doesn’t see or hear anything else. Again, this seems unusual considering her constant hypervigilance. But her success in getting the doll and her increased confidence due to Valjean’s presence probably have something to do with her lack of awareness.

Cosette is caught with the doll. Is this the parallel of Valjean being caught with Myriel’s silver? Mme Thenardier says “That beggar has dared to touch the children’s doll.” The gendarmes don’t say as much when they return Valjean to Myriel, but it’s pretty obvious they’re thinking something similar.

“We are forced to add that at that moment she stuck out her tongue.” COSETTE IS SO CUTE I LOVE HER SO MUCH SHE DESERVES THE WORLD. Also I just love the way Hugo writes children, it’s so real.

Why did Hugo choose Catherine for the name of the doll? Is it to do with St Catherine? She (the saint) became Christian at 14 and converted hundreds of people before being martyred at 18 after rebuking the Roman emperor for his cruelty and winning a debate with his best philosophers.

“This solitary man, so poorly dressed, who took five-franc pieces from his pocket so easily and lavished gigantic dolls on little brats in wooden clogs, was certainly a magnificent and formidable individual.” Valjean is now Myriel. Outsiders are fascinated by him because he dresses so shabbily and yet is so benevolent and charitable with his money. Again, the difference is that Myriel’s name is always known, and Valjean’s is never known.

I know I say this so often but the distance with which Hugo treats Valjean is absolutely fascinating to me. Valjean has this incredible power to just go inside himself and not move, but we never get that kind if internality unless it’s really really important (like with the Champmathieu affair). Otherwise, Hugo keeps a respectful distance, and even when we get Valjean’s emotions described to us, I feel like Hugo is always holding back a little, like he’s not letting himself see all the way into Valjean, or Valjean isn’t letting him in.

Valjean asks for a stable; I think this is the first time we see his whole thing about sacrifice of physical comfort. Things like this asking for the stable and sleeping in the shed behind the house at Rue Plumet and not having chairs and only eating black bread etc. This is the first example we see of him feeling unworthy of physical comforts to such a degree.

(It’s interesting to me that we don’t see this characteristic when he was mayor, or at least not to this extreme. Is it because it would be unbecoming of a mayor and therefore would blow his cover? Or did going back to prison hammer in that feeling of worthlessness and lesser-than and warp his perception of what he is compared to others?)

“What a sublime, sweet thing is hope in a child who has never known anything but its opposite!” We’ve said this already, but Cosette is full of hope and life and light and that is Important because it is exactly what Valjean did not have when he was in her position. But it means that she doesn’t have to work as hard in her ascent towards happiness and goodness.

And, lastly, I love that the placement of the gold Louis in Cosette’s shoe isn’t just a sweet Christmas gesture or a gesture towards Cosette: it’s also an echo of M Madeleine breaking into houses to place gold pieces on the table.

Wow. Long af post for a long af chapter. Congratulations if you read through all of my rambling thoughts.

[angelthefirst1]

The three missing weeks after Grady, Beth's funeral and Daryl's delusion all in 1018.

Okay so I've taken my time with posting any analysis of 1018, mainly because I was trying to figure out exactly what's being repeated (beyond the obvious Alone and Still repeats) and also understand the weirdness of the episode and how the loops will play out going forward. Since I first watched 1018, I realised they are showing us a representation of the three missing weeks after Grady, and Daryl's mindset (He goes a little cray cray) during his second search for Beth (her body anyway) This episode will have future and past fulfillment when/if we finally see the missing 17 days and the attempt at Beth's funeral-during which her body is going to go missing... Emily's song Omaha hotel holds clues about Beth's (attempted) funeral and the outcome. Go listen to the song if you haven't...

The group is going to take Beth to a church-most likely this one...

To give her a proper funeral-which as Daryl knows, Beth found it beautiful that someone dressed the walkers up (as dolls he says) to give them one. So...the group will want to do this for Beth.

She will be left in a car park (probably left in a car for a bit) to “watch the bugs fly around in the parking lot lights”. They will change her into a nice dress with flowers and make her all pretty, repeating what happened with the funeral home walkers-they get dressed up and even had makeup on. They could possibly put her in a coffin like Daryl was in the funeral home... As they go to dig the grave a massive storm will roll in (there has to be another storm, because it will be fulfillment of the music box "waking up" or playing again, and the storm from 510) During this storm walkers will come, taking the groups attention and Beth will "Step away for a minute" leaving before they can bury her. Daryl will try to track her, thinking she's a walker, but her footprints will be washed away in the storm, causing a repeat of this moment...

The map Daryl is using to find Rick will be repeated as Beth's "footprints" being washed away, causing him to scream and start to lose it. The rain and it pouring/flooding with water is symbolic of Beth's return representing Jesus the the living water.   Daryl in 1018 is screaming one minute in the rain, and smiling the next. 

Showing him both losing Beth in the rain and finding out she's alive on two different timeliness. Carol will most likely have played a role in going with Daryl to search for Beth after her "funeral", repeating their search from Consumed. The going fishing/fish symbolism in this episode is a play on the biblical concept of fishing for men (finding/saving the lost) As others have already mentioned, I also believe Leah to be either in part a hallucination or completely.

But Daryl did not have a romantic relationship with her.

Just as the 'oh' funeral home scene hinted at a potential romance, we never actually got to see it. Only a hint of it... They have repeated that here, and it's almost as if Daryl is on the outside looking in at his own past story. But this is Beth's story not Leah's and they haven't repeated almost every major Beth scene only to give it to Leah now... There is WAY to much weirdness in this episode for everything to just be as we see it, they are misdirecting us. 1018 heavily repeats both Daryl's search for Sofia and Rick losing Lori. This is about Daryl losing his future wife...Beth not Leah. Rick hallucinates Lori in this white dress next to some graves...

This will be inverted with Beth in her funeral dress, walking away from her grave, and just like Rick, Daryl can never quite reach her, even though she is alive. Rick started going crazy after losing Lori, when Maggie (Beth's sister) delivered or “birthed” baby Judith. Lori dies and Judith became Beth's...

Do you see the twist from this scene with Leah, talking about losing her son whom her sister gave birth to, or birthed? When Rick is outside the prison because he keeps seeing Lori he says to Hershel he has "Stuff and things to do" so he won't come back. Same as Daryl says to Carol when she tries to get him to stop looking for Rick, Daryl says "I've got stuff to do", once again hinting that this is some kind of mind trick, with Daryl seeing Leah not the real Beth...

Just like Rick was seeing-not the real Lori... The same episode Rick loses Lori, shows Maggie and Glenn in the watch tower messing around and Daryl crassly yells to them "Are you coming?"

They have actually used this with Daryl and Carol in the beginning of 1018, twisting it with Daryl saying "You want to come right?" And "I didn't say you could come". 

Daryl even closes the one eye, because of the glare. Exactly the same in 304 and 1018.

Now don't freak out this will find fulfillment in the future with Beth and Daryl, and yes...most likely on a motorcycle. I don't usually get crass but that's what they are repeating and lining up for the future here, so I wanted to point it out. The previously on clip from 1018 shows Daryl say "We just got Maggie (and little Glenn) back"

Around the same time Rick loses Lori and he is having his breakdown, Maggie and Glenn get taken by the Governor and as soon as they get back, that's when Rick starts "seeing" Lori. Fulfilling the "We just got Maggie (and little Glenn) back line". In 304 Daryl jump starts his bike while Axel looks on saying it needs a tune up. Repeating the beginning of 1018 when he can't start the bike. 

Another call back is when Daryl and Carol come across a dead deer in 1018, it's bitten in an almost identical way to a deer that is shown in the opening of 304 (The episode Lori dies)

Carol also gets lost in the tombs during this episode, and eventually gets an empty grave with cross allocated to her, even though she isn't dead. So Leah could well be symbolic of both missing Carol and Missing Beth combined. And the cabin crosses a reminder of them both...

The repeating themes from around the time Rick loses Lori are very obvious if you go re-watch that story line. One particular location that they visit on the way to rescue Maggie and Glenn from the Governor is a cabin, that very much reminded me of Leah's cabin...

It’s next to a river...

And has taxidermy fish on the walls, and pots and pans too.

But most significantly is a dead pet dog inside...

Before they see the dog, they smell him and Daryl says "What's that smell?, it's got to be a dead fox or what's left of one" Leah wears a dead fox around her neck and has a pet dog, so this repeating could actually point to Leah being a walker/hallucination...

I have been trying to remember any past fox symbolism in this show to explain Leah's fox fur, but couldn't think of any other instances, so this is a really interesting clue to the fact that Daryl mistakes a dead dog for a dead fox. The dead dog is on a blanket similar to the one Dog sits on when Leah has Daryl tied up. And it's collar looks to say Hunter!

The owner in this cabin also has a shotgun like Leah and points it at Rick and Daryl when they first enter.

He gets killed almost straight away because he keeps marking noise and drawing walkers. The very next scene shows Andrea standing in front of a painting with a boat, repeating the boat symbolism from 1018. And the clock just happens to say 10.10

Daryl is also seen collecting fire wood, just like in season three with Rick and Glenn...

When walkers come, Leah shoots some of them (Lori shoots some in season 3) and motions Daryl to follow her somewhere safe, repeating this moment with Beth and Hershel from the episode Rick loses Lori...

The scene where Daryl gets knocked down and his ears start to ring is pivotal because it's a repeat of Daryl's other great search-his search for Sofia.

During which he falls down into a river and starts hallucinating his brother Merle..

So while 1018 is showing him searching for and losing Beth's footprints in the rain and screaming in anger about it, the moment when he gets knocked down by a bolt of lightning and his ears start to ring, the story becomes a weird mix of Beth and Leah. This is a representation of Daryl passing out after falling and some kind of injury, just like he did when searching for Sofia. Repeating but inverting his search for Sofia, where he fell into a river bed, had a head injury/concussion, hallucinates about his brother and finds Sofia's doll not the real Sofia... So Leah could also be a representation of finding Sofia's doll. The doll represents a walker, just like Daryl said in the funeral home. Sofia was lost on a road/highway, goes into water in a river but disappeared and was then found dead coming out of a barn. Beth however is the opposite, in that after her funeral she will end up in a body of water/river because of heavy rain, then the barn in 510, she is represented as being alive coming out of it.

And lastly Daryl says to Beth in Alone "Go up out off the road, I'll meet you there". Which is where they could well meet again-on a road. (Saying meet you up the road, also indicates a lengthy time period) All this would in fact make Beth, Sofia 2.0 but with the opposite outcome. In 1018, once Daryl falls down and his ears ring, he is effectively passed out and dreaming from that point on. We see him then pick up his crossbow and smile in the rain, because what comes next indicates he finds Beth (Leah) When Daryl hallucinates Merle, he tells him that he is looking for a girl and Merle says "You got a thing for little girls now?" and "You going to die out here looking for her?" Merle gets mad that Daryl isn't looking for him. They have switched it in 1018, in that Daryl is looking for his brother Rick now by a river and hallucinates a version of Beth (Leah) who gets mad that Daryl keeps looking for Rick.

Merle, during the hallucination also mentions Daryl's Chupacabra (a mythical blood sucking dog) he apparently saw, which could be a representation of Leah as the dead fox/dog/walker or him seeing Beth and thinking Beth is a walker. 

Merle questions whether Daryl really saw this Chupacabra because Daryl apparently ate some special mushrooms...

So I see these possibilities... Daryl is reliving his search for Beth in his mind because he is injured causing him to hallucinate Leah, as a less painful substitute. Like Rick hallucinates a dressed up version of Lori to cope with the pain. Daryl has been poisoned or eaten something/drank something (like the mushrooms) to make reality and fantasy mix, causing a repeat of the Merle/walker situation. Where Leah may be real but Beth memory's are mixed with reality. Just like Merle was not real but the walker was. Leah is a walker (dead fox/dog) who looks like Beth to Daryl, and while trying to put her down he is knocked out, starting a weird mixture of memory's. I will leave it here for now, there is always more I could go into but this is way long enough for now...

Beth is coming!!!

[giftofshewbread]

Close Encounters of the Fake Kind !

 By Ed Wood     Published on: July 6, 2021

A Short Reflection on Terry James’ Skywatch article “Alien Deception”

I just read Terry’s article “Alien Deception” in Skywatch that was featured at Rapture Ready on July 1, 2021. I think he has it absolutely right. I, too, would like to share some thoughts on this topic.

Right up front, since I consider the Bible as the most reliable witness of all, then intelligent entities are either:

A) God, the ultimate intelligence of all

B) Angels (good or evil)

C) Humans

Now, if there really were sentient ET’s out there, I believe such a thing would be important enough to be mentioned in the Bible. I can’t think of a single instance of that, so that takes care of D), as far as I’m concerned.

Also, in the Bible, God or the angels never appear as coming to Earth in some kind of vehicle, though some people have considered Ezekiel’s exotic visions as UFO accounts. Seems to me more like a case of the prophet describing a vision of heaven which simply cannot be encompassed by mere words. It is unreasonable to think that God or that angels sent by him need some kind of machinery to make an appearance. They just appear in a manner and at a time that’s the most appropriate when required.

So, that leaves the source of UAP/UFO’s as either human or demonic.

In the first case, I think it’s possible that there is top-secret human-based research which could be the source of some of these sightings. I’ve seen the B2 in flight and, if I didn’t know humans built it, I sure wouldn’t exclude the possibility that it was extraterrestrial.

If some of these weird sightings aren’t of human origin, then that leaves only the second case.

The Bible tells us that the Antichrist and False Prophet will tap into Satan’s dark treasure chest to help fool humanity during the Tribulation. We also know that when people play around with the occult, it opens them up to the works of the devil and his demonic allies – hence the biblical prohibitions against such activity. Since deception is Satan’s accustomed and biggest weapon, why not create the UAP/UFO phenomena we now see to lead people astray?

What does puzzle me is this: Why has everything released to the public so far been such a lousy job of special effects? I have yet to see a really clear picture of a supposed alien spaceship or someone producing a piece of exotic hardware that could never have been made on Earth. Could such things be successfully hidden from the public for decades, at least?

I just don’t see how this sort of thing could be suppressed for this long. I mean, Nixon finally got caught concerning Watergate, and this would be an exponentially bigger story. What about that recent report that just came out? Doesn’t seem to tell us much more than, “Well, we don’t know what these things are.” It is a big “Much ado about nothing” deal, as I see it. It reminds me a lot of the current Covid-19 situation, which has shown us just how many people can be led astray on pretty flimsy and contradictory “evidence.”

That being said, imagine how these same people would react if the devil decides to deliver up some serious “Close Encounters of the Third Kind” special effects in the days ahead. But maybe he can’t while believers are still around, his ability to do so being inhibited by the presence of the Holy Spirit which indwells them.

What about after the Rapture?

Using the Book of Revelation as our guide, it would not surprise me at all for something exactly like this to happen along with all the other false miracles the” Man of sin” and False Prophet will produce to make most of the human race fall on their knees before them.

Blessing, those of us who have accepted Jesus won’t be here for those last terrible years.

[dailyaudiobible]

02/17/2021 DAB Transcript

Leviticus 4:1-5:19, Mark 2:13-3:6, Psalms 36:1-12, Proverbs 10:1-2

Today is the 17th day of February welcome to the Daily Audio Bible I’m Brian it’s great to be here with you, hump day, as we move to the center of one of the 52 weeks that we have. I guess there’s 52 hump days, 52 centers of every week and here we are at another one crossing through the middle, heading into the back half. It's wonderful to be able to share some time together around this Global Campfire to just step in, step in and out of all the other stuff that's going on, and just take our place, relax, exhale, allow God's word to speak into our lives. And, so, let's continue the journey. We began the book of Leviticus yesterday. We will continue that journey today. Leviticus 4 and 5 and we’re reading from the Common English Bible this week.

Commentary:

Okay. Well…I got a great idea. Let's talk…let's talk about something we like to talk about. Let's talk about sin. Let's talk about sin, our probably favorite, one of our top favorite subjects to talk about, right? Sin. It’s like a confusing word. We know when we've done but it but it's unclear like exactly what the parameters are. So, let's begin by just trying to come to some sort of maybe common understanding about what we’re even talking about because there’s plenty of definitions for sin and…but…but it seems like from a biblical perspective sin is basically doing what we know we’re not supposed to do before God. And maybe even a better way of understanding that is simply asking ourselves, “could I have done that in the name of Jesus? Like, could I have done that representing the king and the kingdom?” And that makes it stark enough for us to go, “okay, now I know what we’re talkn’ about. Now I have some handholds here to understand what we’re talking about.” God has an order to things. We see it in the Scriptures, but we see it in the natural rhythms of life itself. And this perfect order, like if we were to say, “the way things were supposed to be” or “the way things that…the way things are supposed to be”, like perfectly in order according to the Lord's will, then that would be called shalom. So, in effect. Sin is willingly interrupting shalom, whether in our own lives or whether in the lives of others, but sin is destructive, it leads to destruction because it separates us from God. And, so, if we want to perpetually live separated from God, then we are talking about the worst possible scenario that could ever happen. So, it actually is a big deal, it will kill us and separate us from God. So, kind of like a very, very toxic poison. If you have children you probably…like if they’re young children, like toddlers, you probably don't let them play under the kitchen sink, right? Probably because there's some toxic poison under there of some sort that is to be used for different purposes besides ingesting. And, so, we would want to impress upon our toddler that that's off limits, that opening those cabinets is not allowed and if they persist we might even spank their hands, or we might even put them in a timeout, like we might punish them in some way so that they get clear because if they get into that cabinet and we don't catch it, and they drink that poison it's gonna destroy them. So, hopefully we’re kind of on the same page here. This is largely what we’re talking about in the book of Leviticus today. It just comes in the form of sacrifice, and we just have no way really to relate to animal sacrifice in most of the cultures that we live in. And, so, we come to this point in the Bible, this kind of notorious point in the Bible we’re you’re like, “what is going on here? I don’ relate any of this. What does this have to do with my life? This is so boring. This is like laws and rules and customs that nobody lives by anymore. What's the big deal here?” And, so, this is where a lot of checking out happens and so we miss what's actually going on, a discussion about the results of sin. And as God is weaving this into the culture it's tedious, it's a tedious thing. So, we can just glaze over, yawn, and go, “I don't…we don't have to sacrifice animals. Thank God. Jesus is the last sacrifice” and just brush the whole thing off not understanding that there’s something really really deep going on here. Imagine that you did discover that you were…you were sinning whether unintentionally or whether you absolutely in rebellion did something that you knew you were not supposed to do and that you definitely could not do in the name of God. If…I…I mean I was gonna use like our…our…our pets as an example because that would be the closest example, we can get to to bring context, but let's just skip that. Let’s just say we had goats or we had sheep or whatever and we fed them every day and we talked to them every day and we brushed them and we knew them and they were kind of part of the fabric of our family culture and they were…they were part of the story, like we got milk for our children or we made cheese whatever…whatever…whatever. Imagine that you have to go select one and that you…you have to select the perfect one, like your favorite one, like the best one, the most perfect thing of them all, and you have to take that and you have to put your hand on it before the priest, you have to put your hand on its head, and you gotta take a big blade and you have to slice its throat, right? And you have to bleed the blood out and the life leaves them and then…then it's brought before the altar. Like if you had to do that it would be a stark reminder that sin is costing something. It's costing something beautiful and perfect. It's costing because it's…because it's destroying. And, so, this animal serves as a stand in for what is deserved. So, I don't know how to make this more clear other than like that would be hard to do right? Sin is the blade at your own throat. We’re not beginning to read the story of the bloodthirsty, angry, vengeful God. We’re reading the story of a God who wants us to starkly, clearly understand what will destroy us and separate us from Him, which is the last thing that either one of us wants. It's a deterrent. It's a…it's like a road closed sign - don't go down this path that leads to destruction. And let's remember, nobody had to sacrifice anything if there wasn't sin. And let's remember that that is the work of Christ. And we can think about animal sacrifices as barbaric, but didn’t we just read the crucifixion a couple days ago in the book of Matthew for the first time this year? How much more barbaric can we get? And what we are observing is the last sacrifice for sin once and for all. So, as we continue this journey let's…let’s do…let’s stay rooted to the story. Like, I know we’re reading the law in the book of Leviticus and I know that the law is like I said, it’s not riveting reading, but it is not purposeless reading either. So, let's stay rooted to where the journey is taking us and where God is leading us.

And I use that as a dovetail. Can we talk about something else for a quick minute? I know we’ve been talking already for a few minutes but today…today is a very important day that ties in with all of this, a very important day on the Christian calendar. Today is known as Ash Wednesday and this inaugurates a season known as Lent, a season that leads us right up to the day before Easter, 40 days from now. And most years I point this out and I say generally the same story, which is I didn't grow up knowing anything other than the name Lent. And Ash Wednesday, I mean, I grew up seeing people with black smudges on their foreheads, occasionally moving around a city or a store or whatever, but not really even understanding what the point was. Maybe you have that smudge on your forehead today because you’ve gone to an Ash Wednesday service somewhere or maybe you're familiar with the fact that this day inaugurates a season of repentance and lamentation of considering deeply what sin cost and where it leads. Everything that we just talked about. Jesus becoming that final sacrifice, that it cost the life of the precious beloved Savior is something that we should contemplate and meditate upon because it's our sin. So, for centuries and centuries and centuries brothers and sisters all over the world have entered into this time of lamentation of fasting of repentance. And we may…you know…if we’ve never observed Lent or ever even understood really what the…what's going on, then we may consider…well…it's when you fast something, right? You decide you’re…you’re not gonna eat chocolate. That was like the most popular thing that…that I had I ever heard…like I’m not gonna eat a candy bar, I’m not gonna eat sugar for Lent. Or fasting social media for Lent. Or I'm going to fast certain foods for Lent or certain behaviors for Lent. That's great, that's fine, it's important even. When we fast something that we crave then every time we crave what we are fasting it is an inherent reminder of why we are fasting, and we can press in to that. But I have to tell you, it's maybe even less about fasting candy bars and more about understanding that this is a season in the year that is leading us to resurrection day. And resurrection day represents all things being made new within us again, that the resurrection power that raised Jesus from the dead, restored us to God, but sin separates us from God. And, so, really, to embrace Lent is to put everything on the table, not just candy bars. It’s to put everything on the table with open hands and say, “God I embrace this season that is leading me to all things being made new, but a season that reminds me that sin leads to death. And, so, I'm opening my hands and I'm loosening control over my life and saying what is here that is separating me from you? Identify that and show me how to walk away from it. Even things that I think, or thought were good habits and behaviors. Like Anything that is distracting me in some sort of way. I'm…I'm allowing you to take out of my life whatever needs to take…be taken and I'm allowing you to put into my life what needs to be there. And I'm allowing you to rearrange the things that are in my life so that they are aligned with the way that you would have me go in this next season of life.” So, this is a season to slow some things down and not be so frantic, to give some space to contemplation, some space to consideration, quiet consideration about what it took to give us the freedoms that we take for granted and still understanding that sin only leads one place and that is death. So, that's a little about Lent. Maybe you've never observed Lent in any way before, it was a little weird or whatever. Maybe it's not so weird. Maybe that the trajectory that the Christian calendar gives us, to contemplate the…the important parts of our lives helps us after the same fashion that the law that we’re reading the book of Leviticus, where everything that these people do reminds them of something deeper. Lent actually does this. And, so, maybe something to consider as we move through the next weeks toward new life toward resurrection through the end of the winter and moving into the springtime here in the northern hemisphere. Lent let's us sit with where we are and hope for where were going.

Prayer:

Jesus, we thank You. We thank You in advance, we thank You continually for Your sacrifice, for Your love that is so profound that it is really impossible to articulate. We’ve been trying to find the right words for thousands of years and we've said many many beautiful things, but it's still beyond us, Your beautiful life sacrificed in exchange for our rebellion. And as we enter into this season, we want to sit with it. We…we ask Your Holy Spirit to make it stark and clear to us what's happening when we when…when we participate in sin, because when we participate in sin against our brothers and sisters, against You, we are perpetuating darkness, we are bringing the darkness and allowing it to have its way with us. Your sacrifice informs us that that is not how it has to be. So, come Holy Spirit. Show us where we are. Show us what's going on inside. Show us the things that are drawing us away from You and toward destruction. Help us to own these things instead of blaming somebody else or some other set of circumstances. Help us to own our lives, own our sin and repent because we know that we are ashes to ashes and dust to dust. We pray this in the name of Jesus. Amen.

Song:

Worlds Apart - Jars of Clay

I am the only one to blame for this Somehow it all ends up the same Soaring on the wings of selfish pride I flew too high and like Icarus I collide With a world I try so hard to leave behind To rid myself of all but love, to give and die To turn away and not become Another nail to pierce the skin of One who loves More deeply than the oceans More abundant than the tears Of a world embracing every heartache Can I be the one to sacrifice Or grip the spear and watch the blood and water flow To love you - Take my world apart To need you - I am on my knees To love you - Take my world apart To need you - Broken on my knees All said and done I stand alone Amongst remains of a life I should not own It takes all I am to believe In the mercy that covers me

Did You really have to die for me All I am for all You are What I need and what I believe are worlds apart And I pray To love you - Take my world apart To need you - I am on my knees To love you - Take my world apart To need you - Broken on my knees On my knees I look beyond the empty cross Forgetting what my life has cost Wipe away the crimson stains Dull the nails that still remain More and more I need you now I owe you more each passing hour Battles between grace and pride I gave up not so long ago So steal my heart and take the pain And wash the feet and cleanse my pride Take the selfish, take the weak And all the things I cannot hide Take the beauty, take my tears Sin-soaked heart, make it yours Take my world all apart Take it now, take it now And serve the ones that I despise Speak the words I can't deny Watch the world I used to love Fall to dust and blow away

I look beyond the empty cross Forgetting what my life has cost Wipe away the crimson stains Dull the nails that still remain So steal my heart and take the pain Take the selfish, take the weak And all the things i cannot hide Take the beauty, take my tears Take my world apart, take my world apart I pray, and I pray, and I pray Take my world apart Worlds apart

[slash-em-up]

Marry Your Monsters pt. 4

Husband and wife get reacquainted... biblically. Very NSFW!!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sleeping in Jesse’s embrace again was beyond comforting, and Miranda was incredibly reluctant to leave, even when her stomach or bladder needed relief.

She’d spent the better part of her pregnancy without someone there to anchor her, and she resented her body’s betrayal at making her leave now that she had it.

Jesse took her periodic departures in-stride and did little more than turn in the bed and drape his long arm back over her when she returned.

The analogue clock on the wall read 10:17 when Miranda woke to find herself alone in the cot. Whether that was AM or PM was harder to determine; but her internal timer said it was probably night.

Running a hand through her hair, Miranda scooted to the edge of the bed and reached for her purse, pulling the leather bag to her and rooting around for a hair-tie.

Locating one, she quickly put her blonde bob into a tail and meandered through the small room towards the bathroom.  

Damn, her back ached.  

She’d never take being able to bend over and crack her spine for granted ever again once this little terror was out of her.

Splashing some cold water on her face from the faucet, she took stock of the spartan quarters. There was no mirror in the bathroom, oddly enough – the medicine cabinet was laid bare, but filled with everything you might need for first-aid.

Which turned out to be very useful a few moments later, as Jesse strode back into the room with blood on his hands.

“Jesus, Jesse... are you ok?”

He shrugged before crossing behind her, still reluctant to have her look at him head-on.

He ran his hands under her arms, pressing lightly to her sides in an effort to distract her with his touch as he turned the faucet back on, running his knuckles under the stream.

“Did you punch someone? Fuck – you're bleeding pretty bad... Let me tape that...”

Miranda could feel Jesse’s chest expand and contract against her as he huffed in amusement.  

He’d often joked that she was like a mother-hen, and she continued to prove his playful teasing completely accurate as she inexpertly placed some gauze and surgical tape around his wound.

His long fingers wrapped around her hand for a light squeeze before coming up to tug at her ponytail questioningly.

“I had to get that rats nest out of my face for a bit... I didn’t see a blowout salon on my way in, so get used to it.”

In response, Jesse slid the tie down - freeing her locks before running one large hand across her scalp.

Miranda shivered a bit at the light scratch of his blunt nails against the back of her neck.  

It had been so long since anyone had touched her like that, that even the smallest hint of the passionate caresses they used to share was enough to fluster her.

She audibly gasped – the noise echoing through the small room – as Jesse’s hand moved to gently curl around one of her breasts through the thin linen of her dress.

Miranda’s back stiffened at the contact, causing Jesse to withdraw immediately.

A soft “No...” left Miranda’s lips at her husband's retreat.

Jesse paused – hands hovering by her sides – ready to remove himself completely at her prompting.

Slowly, her hand left its place clasping the sink, rising to guide the strong hand in front of her to one of the straps of her dress.

She licked her lips, listening to the heavy breathing of the man behind her.

Guiding his fingers, Miranda helped him lower the black fabric, baring one of her shoulders to his gaze.  

His chest rumbled with a silent groan, making her smile.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Needing no further prompting, Jesse made short work of the rest of her top and she leaned her head back into his chest at the feeling of the cool air on her breasts – heavier than Jesse remembered as he once again cupped them in his palms. A lovely side-effect of pregnancy.

Her nipples pebbled as the A/C turned on above them.

Miranda moaned and ground her hips back against him as he pinched and worried her soft, sensitive skin.

Jesse was delighted with her reaction – he'd always loved playing with her tits; but whether because of their time apart, or the additional sensitivity of her condition, Miranda was nearly panting from how wonderful his hands felt.

He’d deny it until the day he died; but having a gorgeous woman come apart in his arms – at his touch – while his face was the shambles it had become, was cathartic.  

And he was determined to express his appreciation by making his wife cum as hard as she could.

One part of him was furious that he couldn’t bury his face between her thighs or suckle at the milk starting to well from her breasts; but he pushed that aside in favor of ripping the seam of his wife’s dress until she stood nearly naked in a pool of black.

Maybe the underwear she was currently sporting weren’t the sexiest he’d ever seen her in... but the way she was panting and rubbing her thighs together, desperate for any bit of friction, made her more attractive to him than ever.

She was still turned against the sink; but he could see one curious blue eye peering at him over her pale shoulder.

He wished she knew how widely he wanted to grin as he slowly slid her panties down her hips, making sure to run his thumbs over her ass as he went.

She’s always been his queen; but standing before him like this she was closer to a goddess. All those supple curves softened by her pregnancy; sensitivity heightened until she nearly wept for his touch...

He wished he could marry her all over again.

Jesse was still trying to determine why Preston had brought her here – knowing the man, it wasn’t for anything good; and likely it would have been better if she’d stayed exactly where she had been – for both of them... but fuck if he wasn’t ecstatic when she pushed her hips back with a whine, moaning at the feeling of his erection against her.

Reaching back, he quickly undid the ties holding his hospital gown together and let it join the remnants of her dress on the floor. If he couldn’t get his mouth on her then by god, he was going to get as close to her as he possibly could, in whatever ways he could.

Miranda whimpered as he bent her further over the sink, constantly mindful of her stomach, making sure the precious bump wasn’t pressing against anything harmful.

He didn’t even need to prompt her to spread her legs; she wanted him inside her, connecting them both in ways deeper than words ever could.

Though tall for a woman, Miranda still needed to hoist herself up on her toes to get her pelvis closer to Jesse’s - no mean feat with the extra weight around her middle.

The slick running down her thighs cut short any teasing Jesse might have started at her desperation, but he couldn’t resist running one of his hands between her legs – feeling that warm velvety softness tremble and give beneath his roaming fingers.

“Jesse... Please!”

She writhed and moaned as he slid one, then two long digits into her dripping hole – prepping her for his cock.

Her insides gripped his fingers tightly, holding him in as if her cunt had missed him just as much as she had.

He curled his body over her, pressing his chest to her back and inhaling the sweet smell of her sweat – her sex – everything uniquely Miranda.

This new position gave him space to curl his fingers inside of her and rub at that delicious gland that made her buck and cry out as he pressed it mercilessly.

She was gasping like she did when she was getting close to her finish, and Jesse refused to stop until she did.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Miranda went rigid and her breath caught as Jesse brought her to orgasm.

He hadn’t even touched her clit, the bastard.

His wrist rolled in time with her hips, keeping constant pressure on her g-spot until she was sure she was about to black out from pleasure.

She batted at his hand until he let up and as she sucked in air like a drowning woman he pressed his mask lightly back into her hair, inhaling deeply.

“...Fuck...” Miranda gasped.

She pressed herself into a standing position, and Jesse moved to accommodate her; backing up and turning ever so slightly as she moved to face him.

His remaining eye was blown wide, and his considerable erection pressed eagerly against her with every inhale.

She brought up her hand to caress the side of his neck, and after a moment of hesitation he softened into her touch.

“I want to ride you... I want to watch you cum inside me... please...”

Jesse paused, considering.

Damn, he could never deny her anything...

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Fucking son of a bitch...”

Preston muttered the insult under his breath as he raised the glass of ice up to his jaw.

The bruise from Jesse’s fist driving into his face was already looking pretty spectacular and would probably only get worse – but it was proof-positive in his mind that Jesse was losing his touch.

Going soft.

Even taking liberties with a woman like his wife shouldn’t have driven the man Preston had kiss-assed to for years into such a public and emotional explosion.

Though Preston had to admit, Miranda was a fucking wildcat, even with that nasty parasite growing in her.

Lowering the tumbler, Preston zoomed in on the naked bodies moving together on his computer screen.

His eyes flicked over the scene as he quickly unzipped his pants and palmed his cock.

Jesse Cromeans was finished.

He just didn’t know it yet.

[floorbed]

pen playlist tiem. brain full of thoughts i think this is my longest playlist ever . lyrics and annotation and sections under the cut for funsies heh

home

me and my husband - mitski

and i am the idiot with a painted face / in the corner taking up space / but when he walks in i am loved / i am loved / me and my husband we’re doing better / it’s always been just him and me together / so i bet all i have on that furrowed brow / and at least in this lifetime we’re sticking together

turf war - momma

the kings and queens are on the court / they’re sitting pretty on the floor

this charming man - the smiths

a jumped up pantry boy / who never knew his place / he said return the ring / he knows so much about these things / he knows so much about these things

utopia - cowgirl clue

living in a great utopia is quite nice is quite nice / living in a great utopia you pay the price you pay the price / living in a great utopia roll the dice kiss goodbye / living the dream living the dream living the dream

bubblegum bitch - marina and the diamonds

got a figure like a pin up got a figure like a doll / don’t care if you think i’m dumb i don’t care at all / candy bear sweetie pie wanna be adored / i’m the girl you’d die for / i’ll chew you up and spit you out / cus that’s what young love is all about

…

oh dear diary, i met a boy

(do the) act like you never met me - tv girl

the hidden kisses / the clumsy conspiratory glance / but i don’t really mind it no / i always liked the way you danced

it will come back - hozier

don’t give it a hand / offer it a soul / honey make this easy / leave it to the land / this is what it knows / honey that’s how it sleeps / don’t let it in with no intention to keep it / jesus christ don’t be kind to it / honey don’t feed it it will come back

real men - mitski

little boys cry and look around for comfort and / always get what they want

song against sex - neutral milk hotel

and he said oh boy you are so pretty / enough to wrap tight in rice paper string / and when i finally kissed him / the whole world began to ring / lost like a bell that’s tipping over / with two cracks along both sides / and i knew the world was over / so i took a look outside

(running away before the trial and seeing the world for the first time vibes!)

exile, early party

april and the phantom - animal collective

i’m sorry april / but you’ll be fine till then / i’m the phantom / i’m the phantom / i’m the phantom

(Pens First Summoning Dot Mp3)

insects are all around us - money mark

(from pens very first introduction in session 1 when he was walking in the woods and was described like looking like a lil insect)

bug - alex g

and when you go there / you stay there / bug in the crosshair / you stay there

king of carrot flowers pt 2 & 3 - neutral milk hotel

i love you jesus christ / jesus christ i love you yes i do

you’ll miss me when i’m not around - grimes

if you don’t bleed then you don’t die / cross my heart and hope to fly / if you like it then you’ll make it out alive / if they could see me now / smiling six feet underground / i’ll tie my feet to rocks and drown / you’ll miss me when i’m not around

rich bitch juice (HANA remix) - alice longyu gao

don’t you dare talk to me / bitch

fool - moonbounce

you could’ve let me think im right / i could’ve tried to keep my cool / i could’ve followed my own rules / i could’ve used you like a tool / i could’ve played a fucking fool

isle

hooped earrings - the front bottoms 

and you have gotta do this now or you can never come home again / yeah you have gotta do this now or you can never come home again / and there are not so many options / there’s not so many ways that this could possibly end / so you have gotta do this now or you can never come home again

wicked boy - alex g 

real men walk / on the outside / on the outside / on the outside / and they take it for the team

black hair - alex g

it’s not what you are / it’s just what you did / don’t hang up the phone / i love you to death / eternal return / eternal return / eternal return / eternal return 

rabbit heart - florence & the machine

this is a gift it comes with a price / who is the lamb and who is the knife / when minas is king and he holds me so tight / and turns me to gold in the sunlight

oh ana - mother mother

i’ll fake god / i’ll fake god / i’ll fake god / i’ll fake god today / hop up on a cloud and watch the world decay

i am my own hell - teen suicide

i’m learning all kinds of tricks / how to drain the blood from my face

brick - alex g

i know that you’re lying / you think i don’t but i always fucking do

come back - alex g

made my promise and i’m keeping it for kicks / yeah i really didn’t think that it would stain like this / yeah i really didn’t think that it would stain like this

river of the night 

trick - alex g

(this is what his Contract Signing Dream sounded like that’s all)

call this # now - the garden

call this number now / if you wanna check it out / well just do yourself a favor and just call this number now / call this number now 

long way down - teen suicide

you’re a spoiled kid who’s never gonna get / anything that you deserve / i know this life’s gonna be just fine / but with any luck you know the next one’s gonna hurt

business man - mother mother

talkin bout the business man / devil with a sunday plan / buddy with a stupid laugh / just talkin bout the business man / pretty little baby / pretty little monster / went to the good school / left with honors

king rat - modest mouse

deep water / deep water / senseless denial / i went down like a rag doll rat of a child

oh lucky lucky lucky lucky me again / i said it looks like i’ve got to use my feet again / well i just spent my last one hundred dollars / god i’ll pay my bill again 

after dying and being saved

new gods - grimes

hands reaching out to new gods / you can’t give me what i want / but what do i know? / i wanna i wanna i wanna let go / i wear black eyeliner / black attire yeah / so take me higher and higher and higher

…

only brand new gods can save me

home again - carole king

sometimes i wonder if i’m ever gonna make it home again / it’s so far and out of sight / i really need someone to talk to and nobody else / knows how to comfort me tonight / snow is cold rain is wet / chills my soul through the marrow / i won’t be happy till i see you alone again / till i’m home again and feeling right

miracle - paramore

and have i told you / i’m not going / cuz i’ve been waiting for a miracle / and i’m not leaving / i won’t let you / let you give up on a miracle / when it might save you

(Pen And Ori. Pen Telling Ori He’s Not Going To Stay At The Castle [Bc He Couldnt Imagine Not Seeing Her Everyday.] Pens Naive Optimism + His Want T.o Make Her Feel Better Abt The Future and The World And Everything)

dinner and diatribes - hozier

i knew it from the first look of / the look of mischief in your eyes / friends are a fate that befell me / head is the talking type / i’d suffer hell if you’d tell me / what you’d do to me tonight

(Pen And Juni Anthem)

funny - the scary jokes

and i laughed and i laughed and i gasped and i cried / and i tried not to think of my love as a punchline / but i knew the truth would catch up with me sometime / and oh what a funny joke am i

(pen crying on the bed in castle ravenloft dot mp3)

pretty funny - dogfight (lindsay mendez)

isn’t it funny?  isn’t it funny?  aren’t you funny? / pathetically naive and desperate to believe you could always find some good / well you misunderstood or you’ve been dreaming / cus people are just cruel

(pen crying on the bed in castle ravenloft dot mp3 Part 2)

until it goes - john congleton

oh my vengeance i swear will be biblical

…

my bride my bride how do i silence / this restlessness inside me / inside i see it kneeling through keyholes / my bride i need no absolution / on this day of my execution / just stay with me stay with me stay with me stay with me until the horror goes

(abandonment issues pen be like *stay with me stay with me stay with me stay with me noises*. also one day i want pen to hurt everyone who has severely fucked with him and thats all [m****** and d******])

beautiful - carole king

you’ve got to get up every morning / with a smile on your face / and show the world all the love in your heart / then people gonna treat you better / youre gonna find yes you will / that you’re beautiful as you feel

don’t ask me to explain - of montreal

i’d like to marry all of my close friends / live in a big house together by an angry sea / am i the devil’s marbles don’t move on without me / who will be watching my body when i sleep / who will i believe in

(Pen Be Like I Love Ori And Juni And Alba And That Is My Disease. )

100 years - florence welch

i believe in you /and in our hearts we know the truth / and i believe in love / even the darker it gets the more i do / you try and fill us with your hate and we will shine a light / and the days will become endless / and never turn to night

...

a hundred arms / a hundred years / you can always find me here / and lord don’t let me break this / let me hold it lightly / give me arms to pray with / instead of ones that hold too tightly 

[pamphletstoinspire]

25 Quick Tips to Improve Your Confession

In Sacramental Theology there exists an all-important concept for the efficacious reception of any of the Sacraments. This is called Dispositive Grace or Grace of Disposition. What this concept means is simply this: the graces that you receive in your reception of the Sacraments are in direct proportion to the disposition of your soul at the moment of the reception of that specific Sacrament.

In the Sacraments, Jesus touches us directly, in the most personal and powerful way that we could possibly imagine.  The Church is the Mystical Body of Christ and Christ unites Himself with us through the Sacraments.

Receiving a Guest

One of the easiest analogies to understand the concept of Dispositive Grace could be the example of inviting a guest to dinner.  There is a whole gamut of ways that the guest could be received, from totally poor to excellent.  In inviting a guest, you might even forget that you invited him—pretty shabby!  Or the guest might come and the door is open, but there has been no prior preparation.  Still again, the guest might be received with a meal prepared, but all is done in a rush, in which the guest feels as if he were a burden.  Then, there might be preparation for the guest with a welcoming committee, a good meal, and great desert.

Finally, it might be such that the house was cleaned the day before, the favorite food of the guest has been prepared, the guest’s favorite music is playing in the background, and then at the end of the meal the family offers the guest a special gift that the guest really likes!  Obviously, every scenario is different.  This can be applied with respect to the concept of Dispositive Grace, most specifically to the reception of Jesus in the Eucharist. He could be received very poorly or with an excellent disposition.

Frequent Sacraments

There are two Sacraments that we should receive frequently until we die and meet the Lord—Confession and the Holy Eucharist.  In this article we would like to highlight specific ways that we can enhance the graces that we receive in the reception of the Sacrament of Confession, sometimes called Penance or Reconciliation.  The suggestions will be very short, but we hope very useful to upgrade your reception of the infinite mercy of Jesus that comes through this Sacrament.

1. Trust. We must have s limitless trust in the infinite love and mercy that comes to us through Jesus in the Sacrament of His mercy, Confession. May this prayer issue forth from our hearts time and time again: Jesus I trust in you!

2. Read Luke 15. An excellent means to prepare us to receive the Sacrament of God’s mercy is to read and meditate upon Luke 15, sometimes called the Lost and Found Chapter.

3. Parables of Mercy. In Luke 15 we encounter the lost sheep and the sheep that is found, the lost and found coin, and the lost and found son—the Prodigal Son.  Confession is being found and loved by our merciful Father.

4. Just do It. The modern phrase found on many young people’s T-shirts is Just do it!  The devil will prevent you from going to confession.  So, kick the devil in the behind and Just do it!

5. Priest-Christ. We must renew our faith that by going to confession to the priest we are really confessing to Jesus, the Eternal High Priest.

6. Biblical Truth. Recall the words that Jesus used in instituting the Sacrament of Confession, the 1st Easter Sunday night, when the Apostles were in the Upper Room.  “Receive the Holy Spirit; whose sins you forgive will be forgiven; whose sins you retain shall be retained. (Jn. 20:21-23)

7. Confess ASAP. If you have had the misfortune of falling into mortal sin, in which you have lost sanctifying grace and friendship with Jesus, do not wait, but go to Confession as soon as possible!  If your house were on fire, you would not wait. What about your soul in danger of eternal perdition, do not wait!

8. Prepare Well. As said earlier expressing the concept of Dispositive Grace, the better the preparation, the more abundant the graces.  The fault is never in the Sacrament but in the poor disposition of the recipient of the Sacrament.

9. How? Get a good booklet explaining the Ten Commandments in detail and read through it; better said, pray through it.  Jesus said to the rich young man that salvation comes through observing the Commandments.  Indeed, they are Commandments and not Suggestions!

10. Write it Down. It could be very helpful to actually write down your sins on a piece of paper; this will prevent memory-loss in the moment you go to confession. However, after confession, trash the paper and the sins.

11. Grace of True Sorrow. Of paramount importance in making a good confession is begging the Holy Spirit for the grace of true sorrow for your sins. Imperfect sorrow is called Attrition, which is Fear of the Lord, which is the beginning of Wisdom. It is also one of the seven Gifts of the Holy Spirit. Imperfect sorrow is fear of going to hell. This is enough to receive forgiveness for our sins.

12. Perfect Sorrow. However, we want to arrive at perfect sorrow. This means that we are sorry for having sinned because our sins have hurt the One who loves us so much and the One we should love in return—Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

13. Beg for the Grace.   We should beg for the grace to attain both imperfect contrition, as well as perfect contrition.  Saint Augustine put it concisely: We are all beggars before God.

14. Firm Purpose of Amendment. What necessarily flows from true and sincere contrition of sorrow for sin is a firm purpose of amendment. In concrete this means that we are ready and willing to avoid any person, place, or thing that can lead us into sin.

15. Don’t Play With Fire. In other words, we should not play with fire.  We should not walk on a slippery moral slope. We should not walk on thin ice. Often we sin because we place ourselves in harm’s way.  We must be firm in avoiding all near occasions of sin!

16. Use images.   Of great utility could be as you prepare yourself for confession, as you examine your conscience and beg for true sorrow, to pray before images that raise your mind and heart to God. Three in specific: The cross, aware that our sins nailed Jesus to the cross; Divine Mercy, so that our trust will be infinite; finally, Our Lady, to whom we pray as such: Hail Holy Queen, Mother of mercy, our life, our sweetness, and our hope.

17. Pray for the Priest. On one occasion, Saint Faustina left the confessional without peace and she wondered why.  Jesus revealed to her the reason: she forgot to pray for the priest before she entered the confessional.  So pray for the priest (a Hail Mary or a prayer to the Guardian angels—theirs and yours) and the confession will flow more smoothly!

18. Qualities of a Good Confession. Jesus also revealed to Saint Faustina the three most important qualities of a good confession: transparency, humility, and obedience.  To be a good penitent, we must express our sins with great clarity.  Then we should make no excuses when we confess our sins or blame others.  Finally, we should obey what the priest tells us.

19. Start Right, Close the Door, Begin. Upon entering the confessional make sure that you close the door.  Then start with the proper formula: Bless me, Father, for I have sinned.  My last confession was… (for example, a month ago).  These are my sins…

20. Stay on Topic. In that famous TV Program Dragnet, we heard those all-important words from Joe Friday:  Just the facts ma’am, just the facts.  So in confession the priest wants to hear:  Just the sins, mam, just the sins.  Cut to the quick and tell your sins; that is the essential matter for confession, and of course a true and repentant heart!

21. Acts of Contrition and Absolution. The Sacrament concludes with you, the penitent, praying with great sincerity and fervor your Act of Contrition. Then the priest imparts absolution. With the words of Absolution through the ministry of the priest, the most Precious Blood of Jesus washes your soul clean, as white as the snow!

22. An Attitude of Gratitude. Thanks the priest, as you leave thank Jesus for His infinite love and mercy that you have received in this wonderful Sacrament! Give thanks to the Lord for He is good; His mercy endures forever.

23. Penance. The last a final step of making a good confession is to carry out the penance that the priest gave you.  Once my spiritual director made a suggestion on the penance.  He said always try to do double what the confessor gives you (not that this is absolutely necessary).  However, it is a sign of good will and the sign of a really good grace of disposition.  God will bless you all the more!  God can never be outdone in generosity!

24. Healing the Wounded Heart and Soul.   The specific sacramental grace of Confession is that of Healing.  Sin wounds our soul, but Jesus heals us.  As Jesus healed the many sick and infirm in the three years of His Public life, so He continually heals us through making good confessions.  Rejoice in being healed!  Indeed, Jesus is the Wounded Healer!

25. Be An Apostle of Confession!   You have received so much peace, joy, happiness, love, and mercy through having received the Sacrament of God’s mercy, Confession, now go out and proclaim the Good News!  Bring others to this infinite Font of God’s mercy!

FR. ED BROOM, OMV

[blackkudos]

Martin Luther King, Jr.

Martin Luther King Jr. (born Michael King Jr.; January 15, 1929 – April 4, 1968) was an American Christian minister and activist who became the most visible spokesperson and leader in the Civil Rights Movement from 1955 until his assassination in 1968. King is best known for advancing civil rights through nonviolence and civil disobedience, inspired by his Christian beliefs and the nonviolent activism of Mahatma Gandhi.

King led the 1955 Montgomery bus boycott and later became the first president of the Southern Christian Leadership Conference (SCLC). As president of the SCLC, he then led an unsuccessful 1962 struggle against segregation in Albany, Georgia, and helped organize the nonviolent 1963 protests in Birmingham, Alabama. He helped organize the 1963 March on Washington, where he delivered his famous "I Have a Dream" speech on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial.

On October 14, 1964, King won the Nobel Peace Prize for combating racial inequality through nonviolent resistance. In 1965, he helped organize the Selma to Montgomery marches. In his final years, he expanded his focus to include opposition towards poverty and the Vietnam War. FBI Director J. Edgar Hoover considered him a radical and made him an object of the FBI's COINTELPRO from 1963 on. FBI agents investigated him for possible communist ties, recorded his extramarital liaisons and reported on them to government officials, and, in 1964, mailed King a threatening anonymous letter, which he interpreted as an attempt to make him commit suicide.

Before his death, King was planning a national occupation of Washington, D.C., to be called the Poor People's Campaign, when he was assassinated on April 4 in Memphis, Tennessee. His death was followed by riots in many U.S. cities. Allegations that James Earl Ray, the man convicted of killing King, had been framed or acted in concert with government agents persisted for decades after the shooting.

King was posthumously awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom and the Congressional Gold Medal. Martin Luther King Jr. Day was established as a holiday in cities and states throughout the United States beginning in 1971; the holiday was enacted at the federal level by legislation signed by President Ronald Reagan in 1986. Hundreds of streets in the U.S. have been renamed in his honor, and a county in Washington was rededicated for him. The Martin Luther King Jr. Memorial on the National Mall in Washington, D.C., was dedicated in 2011.

Early life and education

Birth and name change

King was born Michael King Jr. on January 15, 1929, in Atlanta, Georgia, the second of three children to the Reverend Michael King Sr. and Alberta King (née Williams). King's mother named him Michael, which was entered onto the birth certificate by the attending physician. King Sr. stated that "Michael" was a mistake by the physician. King's older sister is Christine King Farris and his younger brother was A.D. King. King's maternal grandfather Adam Daniel Williams, who was a minister in rural Georgia, moved to Atlanta in 1893, and became pastor of the Ebenezer Baptist Church in the following year. Williams was of African-Irish descent. Williams married Jennie Celeste Parks, and they gave birth to King's mother, Alberta. King's father was born to sharecroppers, James Albert and Delia King of Stockbridge, Georgia. In his adolescent years, King Sr. left his parents' farm and walked to Atlanta where he attained a high school education. King Sr. then enrolled in Morehouse College and studied to enter the ministry. King Sr. and Alberta began dating in 1920, and married on November 25, 1926. Until Jennie's death in 1941, they lived together on the second floor of her parent's two story Victorian house, where King was born.

Shortly after marrying Alberta, King Sr. became assistant pastor of the Ebenezer Baptist Church. Adam Daniel Williams died of a stroke in the spring of 1931. That fall, King's father took over the role of pastor at the church, where he would in time raise the attendance from six hundred to several thousand. In 1934, the church sent King Sr. on a multinational trip to Italy, Tunisia, Egypt, Israel, then Germany for the meeting of the Baptist World Alliance (BWA). The trip ended with visits to sites in Berlin associated with the Protestant reformation leader, Martin Luther. While there, Michael King Sr. witnessed the rise of Nazism. In reaction, the BWA conference issued a resolution which stated, "This Congress deplores and condemns as a violation of the law of God the Heavenly Father, all racial animosity, and every form of oppression or unfair discrimination toward the Jews, toward coloured people, or toward subject races in any part of the world." He returned home in August 1934, and in that same year began referring to himself as Martin Luther King Sr., and his son as Martin Luther King Jr. King's birth certificate was altered to read "Martin Luther King Jr." on July 23, 1957, when he was 28 years old.

Early childhood

At his childhood home, King and his two siblings would read aloud Biblical scripture as instructed by their father. After dinners there, King's grandmother Jennie, who he affectionately referred to as "Mama", would tell lively stories from the Bible to her grandchildren. King's father would regularly use whippings to discipline his children. At times, King Sr. would also have his children whip each other. King's father later remarked, "[King] was the most peculiar child whenever you whipped him. He'd stand there, and the tears would run down, and he'd never cry." Once when King witnessed his brother A.D. emotionally upset his sister Christine, he took a telephone and knocked out A.D. with it. When he and his brother were playing at their home, A.D. slid from a banister and hit into their grandmother, Jennie, causing her to fall down unresponsive. King, believing her dead, blamed himself and attempted suicide by jumping from a second-story window. Upon hearing that his grandmother was alive, King rose and left the ground where he had fallen.

King became friends with a white boy whose father owned a business across the street from his family's home. In September 1935, when the boys were about six years old, they started school. King had to attend a school for black children, Younge Street Elementary School, while his close playmate went to a separate school for white children only. Soon afterwards, the parents of the white boy stopped allowing King to play with their son, stating to him "we are white, and you are colored". When King relayed the happenings to his parents, they had a long discussion with him about the history of slavery and racism in America. Upon learning of the hatred, violence and oppression that black people had faced in the U.S., King would later state that he was "determined to hate every white person". His parents instructed him that it was his Christian duty to love everyone.

King witnessed his father stand up against segregation and various forms of discrimination. Once, when stopped by a police officer who referred to King Sr. as "boy", King's father responded sharply that King was a boy but he was a man. When King's father took him into a shoe store in downtown Atlanta, the clerk told them they needed to sit in the back. King's father refused, stating "we'll either buy shoes sitting here or we won't buy any shoes at all", before taking King and leaving the store. He told King afterwards, "I don't care how long I have to live with this system, I will never accept it." In 1936, King's father led hundreds of African-Americans in a civil rights march to the city hall in Atlanta, to protest voting rights discrimination. King later remarked that King Sr. was "a real father" to him.

King memorized and sang hymns, and stated verses from the Bible, by the time he was five years old. Over the next year, he began to go to church events with his mother and sing hymns while she played piano. His favorite hymn to sing was "I Want to Be More and More Like Jesus"; he moved attendees with his singing. King later became a member of the junior choir in his church. King enjoyed opera, and played the piano. As he grew up, King garnered a large vocabulary from reading dictionaries and consistently used his expanding lexicon. He got into physical altercations with boys in his neighborhood, but oftentimes used his knowledge of words to stymie fights. King showed a lack of interest in grammar and spelling, a trait which he carried throughout his life. In 1939, King sang as a member of his church choir in slave costume, for the all-white audience at the Atlanta premiere of the film Gone with the Wind.

On May 18, 1941, when King had snuck away from studying at home to watch a parade, King was informed that something had happened to his maternal grandmother. Upon returning home, he found out that she had suffered a heart attack and died while being transported to a hospital. He took the death very hard, and believed that his deception of going to see the parade may have been responsible for God taking her. King jumped out of a second-story window at his home, but again survived an attempt to kill himself. His father instructed him in his bedroom that King shouldn't blame himself for her death, and that she had been called home to God as part of God's plan which could not be changed. King struggled with this, and could not fully believe that his parents knew where his grandmother had gone. Shortly thereafter, King's father decided to move the family to a two-story brick home on a hill that overlooked downtown Atlanta.

Adolescence

In his adolescent years, he initially felt resentment against whites due to the "racial humiliation" that he, his family, and his neighbors often had to endure in the segregated South. In 1942, when King was 13 years old, he became the youngest assistant manager of a newspaper delivery station for the Atlanta Journal. That year, King skipped the ninth grade and was enrolled in Booker T. Washington High School. The high school was the only in the city for African American students. It had been formed after local black leaders including King's grandfather (Williams), urged the city government of Atlanta to create it. King became known for his public-speaking ability and was part of the school's debate team.

During his junior year, he won first prize in an oratorical contest sponsored by the Negro Elks Club in Dublin, Georgia. In his speech he stated, "black America still wears chains. The finest negro is at the mercy of the meanest white man." On the ride home to Atlanta by bus, he and his teacher were ordered by the driver to stand so that white passengers could sit down. King initially refused but complied after his teacher told him that he would be breaking the law if he did not submit. During this incident, King said that he was "the angriest I have ever been in my life."

King was initially skeptical of many of Christianity's claims. At the age of 13, he denied the bodily resurrection of Jesus during Sunday school. At this point, he stated, "doubts began to spring forth unrelentingly." He concurrently found himself unable to identify with the emotional displays and gestures people would make at his church, and started to wonder if he would ever attain personal satisfaction from religion.

Morehouse College

During King's junior year in high school, Morehouse College—a respected historically black college—announced that it would accept any high school juniors who could pass its entrance exam. At that time, many students had abandoned further studies to enlist in World War II. Due to this, Morehouse was eager to fill its classrooms. At the age of 15, King passed the exam and entered Morehouse. He played freshman football there. The summer before his last year at Morehouse, in 1947, the 18-year-old King chose to enter the ministry. He had concluded that the church offered the most assuring way to answer "an inner urge to serve humanity." King's "inner urge" had begun developing, and he made peace with the Baptist Church, as he believed he would be a "rational" minister with sermons that were "a respectful force for ideas, even social protest." In 1948, King graduated at the age of 19 from Morehouse with a B.A. in sociology.

Religious education, ministry, marriage and family

Crozer Theological Seminary

King enrolled in Crozer Theological Seminary in Chester, Pennsylvania. King's father fully supported his decision to continue his education and made arrangements for King to work with J. Pius Barbour, a family friend who pastored at Calvary Baptist Church in Chester. King became known as one of the "Sons of Calvary", an honor he shared with William Augustus Jones Jr. and Samuel D. Proctor who both went on to become well-known preachers in the black church.

While attending Crozer, King was joined by Walter McCall, a former classmate at Morehouse. At Crozer, King was elected president of the student body. The African-American students of Crozer for the most part conducted their social activity on Edwards Street. King became fond of the street because a classmate had an aunt who prepared collard greens for them, which they both relished.

King once reproved another student for keeping beer in his room, saying they had shared responsibility as African Americans to bear "the burdens of the Negro race." For a time, he was interested in Walter Rauschenbusch's "social gospel." In his third year at Crozer, King became romantically involved with the white daughter of an immigrant German woman who worked as a cook in the cafeteria. The woman had been involved with a professor prior to her relationship with King. King planned to marry her, but friends advised against it, saying that an interracial marriage would provoke animosity from both blacks and whites, potentially damaging his chances of ever pastoring a church in the South. King tearfully told a friend that he could not endure his mother's pain over the marriage and broke the relationship off six months later. He continued to have lingering feelings toward the woman he left; one friend was quoted as saying, "He never recovered." King graduated with a B.Div. degree in 1951.

Boston university

King began doctoral studies in systematic theology at Boston University. While pursuing doctoral studies, King worked as an assistant minister at Boston's historic Twelfth Baptist Church with Rev. William Hunter Hester. Hester was an old friend of King's father, and was an important influence on King. In Boston, King befriended a small cadre of local ministers his age, and sometimes guest pastored at their churches, including the Reverend Michael Haynes, associate pastor at Twelfth Baptist Church in Roxbury (and younger brother of jazz drummer Roy Haynes). The young men often held bull sessions in their various apartments, discussing theology, sermon style, and social issues.

At the age of 25 in 1954, King was called as pastor of the Dexter Avenue Baptist Church in Montgomery, Alabama. King received his Ph.D. degree on June 5, 1955, with a dissertation (initially supervised by Edgar S. Brightman and, upon the latter's death, by Lotan Harold DeWolf) titled A Comparison of the Conceptions of God in the Thinking of Paul Tillich and Henry Nelson Wieman.

An academic inquiry in October 1991 concluded that portions of his doctoral dissertation had been plagiarized and he had acted improperly. However, "[d]espite its finding, the committee said that 'no thought should be given to the revocation of Dr. King's doctoral degree,' an action that the panel said would serve no purpose." The committee found that the dissertation still "makes an intelligent contribution to scholarship." A letter is now attached to the copy of King's dissertation held in the university library, noting that numerous passages were included without the appropriate quotations and citations of sources. Significant debate exists on how to interpret King's plagiarism.

Marriage and family

While studying at Boston University, he asked a friend from Atlanta named Mary Powell, who was a student at the New England Conservatory Of Music, if she knew any nice Southern girls. Powell asked fellow student Coretta Scott if she was interested in meeting a Southern friend studying divinity. Scott was not interested in dating preachers, but eventually agreed to allow Martin to telephone her based on Powell's description and vouching. On their first phone call, King told Scott "I am like Napoleon at Waterloo before your charms", to which she replied "You haven't even met me". They went out for dates in his green Chevy. After the second date, King was certain Scott possessed the qualities he sought in a wife. She had been an activist at Antioch in undergrad, where Carol and Rod Serling were schoolmates.

King married Coretta Scott on June 18, 1953, on the lawn of her parents' house in her hometown of Heiberger, Alabama. They became the parents of four children: Yolanda King (1955–2007), Martin Luther King III (b. 1957), Dexter Scott King (b. 1961), and Bernice King (b. 1963). During their marriage, King limited Coretta's role in the civil rights movement, expecting her to be a housewife and mother.

Montgomery bus boycott, 1955

In March 1955, Claudette Colvin—a fifteen-year-old black schoolgirl in Montgomery—refused to give up her bus seat to a white man in violation of Jim Crow laws, local laws in the Southern United States that enforced racial segregation. King was on the committee from the Birmingham African-American community that looked into the case; E. D. Nixon and Clifford Durr decided to wait for a better case to pursue because the incident involved a minor.

Nine months later on December 1, 1955, a similar incident occurred when Rosa Parks was arrested for refusing to give up her seat on a city bus. The two incidents led to the Montgomery bus boycott, which was urged and planned by Nixon and led by King. The boycott lasted for 385 days, and the situation became so tense that King's house was bombed. King was arrested during this campaign, which concluded with a United States District Court ruling in Browder v. Gayle that ended racial segregation on all Montgomery public buses. King's role in the bus boycott transformed him into a national figure and the best-known spokesman of the civil rights movement.

Southern Christian Leadership Conference

In 1957, King, Ralph Abernathy, Fred Shuttlesworth, Joseph Lowery, and other civil rights activists founded the Southern Christian Leadership Conference (SCLC). The group was created to harness the moral authority and organizing power of black churches to conduct nonviolent protests in the service of civil rights reform. The group was inspired by the crusades of evangelist Billy Graham, who befriended King, as well as the national organizing of the group In Friendship, founded by King allies Stanley Levison and Ella Baker. King led the SCLC until his death. The SCLC's 1957 Prayer Pilgrimage for Freedom was the first time King addressed a national audience. Other civil rights leaders involved in the SCLC with King included: James Bevel, Allen Johnson, Curtis W. Harris, Walter E. Fauntroy, C. T. Vivian, Andrew Young, The Freedom Singers, Cleveland Robinson, Randolph Blackwell, Annie Bell Robinson Devine, Charles Kenzie Steele, Alfred Daniel Williams King, Benjamin Hooks, Aaron Henry and Bayard Rustin.

On September 20, 1958, King was signing copies of his book Stride Toward Freedom in Blumstein's department store in Harlem when he narrowly escaped death. Izola Curry—a mentally ill black woman who thought that King was conspiring against her with communists—stabbed him in the chest with a letter opener. King underwent emergency surgery with three doctors: Aubre de Lambert Maynard, Emil Naclerio and John W. V. Cordice; he remained hospitalized for several weeks. Curry was later found mentally incompetent to stand trial. In 1959, King published a short book called The Measure of A Man, which contained his sermons "What is Man?" and "The Dimensions of a Complete Life." The sermons argued for man's need for God's love and criticized the racial injustices of Western civilization.

Harry Wachtel joined King's legal advisor Clarence B. Jones in defending four ministers of the SCLC in the libel case New York Times Co. v. Sullivan; the case was litigated in reference to the newspaper advertisement "Heed Their Rising Voices". Wachtel founded a tax-exempt fund to cover the expenses of the suit and to assist the nonviolent civil rights movement through a more effective means of fundraising. This organization was named the "Gandhi Society for Human Rights." King served as honorary president for the group. He was displeased with the pace that President Kennedy was using to address the issue of segregation. In 1962, King and the Gandhi Society produced a document that called on the President to follow in the footsteps of Abraham Lincoln and issue an executive order to deliver a blow for civil rights as a kind of Second Emancipation Proclamation. Kennedy did not execute the order.

The FBI was under written directive from Attorney General Robert F. Kennedy when it began tapping King's telephone line in the fall of 1963. Kennedy was concerned that public allegations of communists in the SCLC would derail the administration's civil rights initiatives. He warned King to discontinue these associations and later felt compelled to issue the written directive that authorized the FBI to wiretap King and other SCLC leaders. FBI Director J. Edgar Hoover feared the civil rights movement and investigated the allegations of communist infiltration. When no evidence emerged to support this, the FBI used the incidental details caught on tape over the next five years in attempts to force King out of his leadership position in the COINTELPRO program.

King believed that organized, nonviolent protest against the system of southern segregation known as Jim Crow laws would lead to extensive media coverage of the struggle for black equality and voting rights. Journalistic accounts and televised footage of the daily deprivation and indignities suffered by Southern blacks, and of segregationist violence and harassment of civil rights workers and marchers, produced a wave of sympathetic public opinion that convinced the majority of Americans that the civil rights movement was the most important issue in American politics in the early 1960s.

King organized and led marches for blacks' right to vote, desegregation, labor rights, and other basic civil rights. Most of these rights were successfully enacted into the law of the United States with the passage of the Civil Rights Act of 1964 and the 1965 Voting Rights Act.

King and the SCLC put into practice many of the principles of the Christian Left and applied the tactics of nonviolent protest with great success by strategically choosing the method of protest and the places in which protests were carried out. There were often dramatic stand-offs with segregationist authorities, who sometimes turned violent.

King was criticized by other black leaders during the course of his participation in the civil rights movement. This included opposition by more militant blacks such as Nation of Islam member Malcolm X.. Student Nonviolent Coordinating Committee founder Ella Baker regarded King as a charismatic media figure who lost touch with the grassroots of the movement as he became close to elite figures like Nelson Rockefeller. Stokely Carmichael, a protege of Baker's, became a black separatist and disagreed with King's plea for racial integration because he considered it an insult to a uniquely African-American culture.

Albany Movement, 1961

The Albany Movement was a desegregation coalition formed in Albany, Georgia, in November 1961. In December, King and the SCLC became involved. The movement mobilized thousands of citizens for a broad-front nonviolent attack on every aspect of segregation within the city and attracted nationwide attention. When King first visited on December 15, 1961, he "had planned to stay a day or so and return home after giving counsel." The following day he was swept up in a mass arrest of peaceful demonstrators, and he declined bail until the city made concessions. According to King, "that agreement was dishonored and violated by the city" after he left town.

King returned in July 1962 and was given the option of forty-five days in jail or a $178 fine (equivalent to $1,500 in 2019); he chose jail. Three days into his sentence, Police Chief Laurie Pritchett discreetly arranged for King's fine to be paid and ordered his release. "We had witnessed persons being kicked off lunch counter stools ... ejected from churches ... and thrown into jail ... But for the first time, we witnessed being kicked out of jail." It was later acknowledged by the King Center that Billy Graham was the one who bailed King out of jail during this time.

After nearly a year of intense activism with few tangible results, the movement began to deteriorate. King requested a halt to all demonstrations and a "Day of Penance" to promote nonviolence and maintain the moral high ground. Divisions within the black community and the canny, low-key response by local government defeated efforts. Though the Albany effort proved a key lesson in tactics for King and the national civil rights movement, the national media was highly critical of King's role in the defeat, and the SCLC's lack of results contributed to a growing gulf between the organization and the more radical SNCC. After Albany, King sought to choose engagements for the SCLC in which he could control the circumstances, rather than entering into pre-existing situations.

Birmingham campaign, 1963

In April 1963, the SCLC began a campaign against racial segregation and economic injustice in Birmingham, Alabama. The campaign used nonviolent but intentionally confrontational tactics, developed in part by Rev. Wyatt Tee Walker. Black people in Birmingham, organizing with the SCLC, occupied public spaces with marches and sit-ins, openly violating laws that they considered unjust.

King's intent was to provoke mass arrests and "create a situation so crisis-packed that it will inevitably open the door to negotiation." The campaign's early volunteers did not succeed in shutting down the city, or in drawing media attention to the police's actions. Over the concerns of an uncertain King, SCLC strategist James Bevel changed the course of the campaign by recruiting children and young adults to join in the demonstrations. Newsweek called this strategy a Children's Crusade.

During the protests, the Birmingham Police Department, led by Eugene "Bull" Connor, used high-pressure water jets and police dogs against protesters, including children. Footage of the police response was broadcast on national television news and dominated the nation's attention, shocking many white Americans and consolidating black Americans behind the movement. Not all of the demonstrators were peaceful, despite the avowed intentions of the SCLC. In some cases, bystanders attacked the police, who responded with force. King and the SCLC were criticized for putting children in harm's way. But the campaign was a success: Connor lost his job, the "Jim Crow" signs came down, and public places became more open to blacks. King's reputation improved immensely.

King was arrested and jailed early in the campaign—his 13th arrest out of 29. From his cell, he composed the now-famous Letter from Birmingham Jail that responds to calls on the movement to pursue legal channels for social change. King argues that the crisis of racism is too urgent, and the current system too entrenched: "We know through painful experience that freedom is never voluntarily given by the oppressor; it must be demanded by the oppressed." He points out that the Boston Tea Party, a celebrated act of rebellion in the American colonies, was illegal civil disobedience, and that, conversely, "everything Adolf Hitler did in Germany was 'legal'."

St. Augustine, Florida, 1964

In March 1964, King and the SCLC joined forces with Robert Hayling's then-controversial movement in St. Augustine, Florida. Hayling's group had been affiliated with the NAACP but was forced out of the organization for advocating armed self-defense alongside nonviolent tactics. However, the pacifist SCLC accepted them. King and the SCLC worked to bring white Northern activists to St. Augustine, including a delegation of rabbis and the 72-year-old mother of the governor of Massachusetts, all of whom were arrested. During June, the movement marched nightly through the city, "often facing counter demonstrations by the Klan, and provoking violence that garnered national media attention." Hundreds of the marchers were arrested and jailed. During the course of this movement, the Civil Rights Act of 1964 was passed.

Selma, Alabama, 1964

In December 1964, King and the SCLC joined forces with the Student Nonviolent Coordinating Committee (SNCC) in Selma, Alabama, where the SNCC had been working on voter registration for several months. A local judge issued an injunction that barred any gathering of three or more people affiliated with the SNCC, SCLC, DCVL, or any of 41 named civil rights leaders. This injunction temporarily halted civil rights activity until King defied it by speaking at Brown Chapel on January 2, 1965. During the 1965 march to Montgomery, Alabama, violence by state police and others against the peaceful marchers resulted in much publicity, which made Alabama's racism visible nationwide.

New York City, 1964

On February 6, 1964, King delivered the inaugural speech of a lecture series initiated at the New School called "The American Race Crisis." No audio record of his speech has been found, but in August 2013, almost 50 years later, the school discovered an audiotape with 15 minutes of a question-and-answer session that followed King's address. In these remarks, King referred to a conversation he had recently had with Jawaharlal Nehru in which he compared the sad condition of many African Americans to that of India's untouchables.

March on Washington, 1963

King, representing the SCLC, was among the leaders of the "Big Six" civil rights organizations who were instrumental in the organization of the March on Washington for Jobs and Freedom, which took place on August 28, 1963. The other leaders and organizations comprising the Big Six were Roy Wilkins from the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People; Whitney Young, National Urban League; A. Philip Randolph, Brotherhood of Sleeping Car Porters; John Lewis, SNCC; and James L. Farmer Jr., of the Congress of Racial Equality.

Bayard Rustin's open homosexuality, support of democratic socialism, and his former ties to the Communist Party USA caused many white and African-American leaders to demand King distance himself from Rustin, which King agreed to do. However, he did collaborate in the 1963 March on Washington, for which Rustin was the primary logistical and strategic organizer. For King, this role was another which courted controversy, since he was one of the key figures who acceded to the wishes of United States President John F. Kennedy in changing the focus of the march.

Kennedy initially opposed the march outright, because he was concerned it would negatively impact the drive for passage of civil rights legislation. However, the organizers were firm that the march would proceed. With the march going forward, the Kennedys decided it was important to work to ensure its success. President Kennedy was concerned the turnout would be less than 100,000. Therefore, he enlisted the aid of additional church leaders and Walter Reuther, president of the United Automobile Workers, to help mobilize demonstrators for the cause.

The march originally was conceived as an event to dramatize the desperate condition of blacks in the southern U.S. and an opportunity to place organizers' concerns and grievances squarely before the seat of power in the nation's capital. Organizers intended to denounce the federal government for its failure to safeguard the civil rights and physical safety of civil rights workers and blacks. The group acquiesced to presidential pressure and influence, and the event ultimately took on a far less strident tone. As a result, some civil rights activists felt it presented an inaccurate, sanitized pageant of racial harmony; Malcolm X called it the "Farce on Washington", and the Nation of Islam forbade its members from attending the march.

The march made specific demands: an end to racial segregation in public schools; meaningful civil rights legislation, including a law prohibiting racial discrimination in employment; protection of civil rights workers from police brutality; a $2 minimum wage for all workers (equivalent to $17 in 2019); and self-government for Washington, D.C., then governed by congressional committee. Despite tensions, the march was a resounding success. More than a quarter of a million people of diverse ethnicities attended the event, sprawling from the steps of the Lincoln Memorial onto the National Mall and around the reflecting pool. At the time, it was the largest gathering of protesters in Washington, D.C.'s history.

I Have a Dream

King delivered a 17-minute speech, later known as "I Have a Dream". In the speech's most famous passage—in which he departed from his prepared text, possibly at the prompting of Mahalia Jackson, who shouted behind him, "Tell them about the dream!"—King said:

"I Have a Dream" came to be regarded as one of the finest speeches in the history of American oratory. The March, and especially King's speech, helped put civil rights at the top of the agenda of reformers in the United States and facilitated passage of the Civil Rights Act of 1964.

The original typewritten copy of the speech, including King's handwritten notes on it, was discovered in 1984 to be in the hands of George Raveling, the first African-American basketball coach of the University of Iowa. In 1963, Raveling, then 26 years old, was standing near the podium, and immediately after the oration, impulsively asked King if he could have his copy of the speech. He got it.

Selma voting rights movement and "Bloody Sunday", 1965

Acting on James Bevel's call for a march from Selma to Montgomery, King, Bevel, and the SCLC, in partial collaboration with SNCC, attempted to organize the march to the state's capital. The first attempt to march on March 7, 1965, was aborted because of mob and police violence against the demonstrators. This day has become known as Bloody Sunday and was a major turning point in the effort to gain public support for the civil rights movement. It was the clearest demonstration up to that time of the dramatic potential of King's nonviolence strategy. King, however, was not present.

On March 5, King met with officials in the Johnson Administration in order to request an injunction against any prosecution of the demonstrators. He did not attend the march due to church duties, but he later wrote, "If I had any idea that the state troopers would use the kind of brutality they did, I would have felt compelled to give up my church duties altogether to lead the line." Footage of police brutality against the protesters was broadcast extensively and aroused national public outrage.

King next attempted to organize a march for March 9. The SCLC petitioned for an injunction in federal court against the State of Alabama; this was denied and the judge issued an order blocking the march until after a hearing. Nonetheless, King led marchers on March 9 to the Edmund Pettus Bridge in Selma, then held a short prayer session before turning the marchers around and asking them to disperse so as not to violate the court order. The unexpected ending of this second march aroused the surprise and anger of many within the local movement. The march finally went ahead fully on March 25, 1965. At the conclusion of the march on the steps of the state capitol, King delivered a speech that became known as "How Long, Not Long." In it, King stated that equal rights for African Americans could not be far away, "because the arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends toward justice" and "you shall reap what you sow".

Chicago open housing movement, 1966

In 1966, after several successes in the south, King, Bevel, and others in the civil rights organizations took the movement to the North, with Chicago as their first destination. King and Ralph Abernathy, both from the middle class, moved into a building at 1550 S. Hamlin Avenue, in the slums of North Lawndale on Chicago's West Side, as an educational experience and to demonstrate their support and empathy for the poor.

The SCLC formed a coalition with CCCO, Coordinating Council of Community Organizations, an organization founded by Albert Raby, and the combined organizations' efforts were fostered under the aegis of the Chicago Freedom Movement.During that spring, several white couple/black couple tests of real estate offices uncovered racial steering: discriminatory processing of housing requests by couples who were exact matches in income, background, number of children, and other attributes. Several larger marches were planned and executed: in Bogan, Belmont Cragin, Jefferson Park, Evergreen Park (a suburb southwest of Chicago), Gage Park, Marquette Park, and others.

King later stated and Abernathy wrote that the movement received a worse reception in Chicago than in the South. Marches, especially the one through Marquette Park on August 5, 1966, were met by thrown bottles and screaming throngs. Rioting seemed very possible. King's beliefs militated against his staging a violent event, and he negotiated an agreement with Mayor Richard J. Daley to cancel a march in order to avoid the violence that he feared would result. King was hit by a brick during one march, but continued to lead marches in the face of personal danger.

When King and his allies returned to the South, they left Jesse Jackson, a seminary student who had previously joined the movement in the South, in charge of their organization. Jackson continued their struggle for civil rights by organizing the Operation Breadbasket movement that targeted chain stores that did not deal fairly with blacks.

A 1967 CIA document declassified in 2017 downplayed King's role in the "black militant situation" in Chicago, with a source stating that King "sought at least constructive, positive projects."

Opposition to the Vietnam War

King was long opposed to American involvement in the Vietnam War, but at first avoided the topic in public speeches in order to avoid the interference with civil rights goals that criticism of President Johnson's policies might have created. At the urging of SCLC's former Director of Direct Action and now the head of the Spring Mobilization Committee to End the War in Vietnam, James Bevel, and inspired by the outspokenness of Muhammad Ali, King eventually agreed to publicly oppose the war as opposition was growing among the American public.

During an April 4, 1967, appearance at the New York City Riverside Church—exactly one year before his death—King delivered a speech titled "Beyond Vietnam: A Time to Break Silence." He spoke strongly against the U.S.'s role in the war, arguing that the U.S. was in Vietnam "to occupy it as an American colony" and calling the U.S. government "the greatest purveyor of violence in the world today." He connected the war with economic injustice, arguing that the country needed serious moral change:

A true revolution of values will soon look uneasily on the glaring contrast of poverty and wealth. With righteous indignation, it will look across the seas and see individual capitalists of the West investing huge sums of money in Asia, Africa and South America, only to take the profits out with no concern for the social betterment of the countries, and say: "This is not just."

King opposed the Vietnam War because it took money and resources that could have been spent on social welfare at home. The United States Congress was spending more and more on the military and less and less on anti-poverty programs at the same time. He summed up this aspect by saying, "A nation that continues year after year to spend more money on military defense than on programs of social uplift is approaching spiritual death." He stated that North Vietnam "did not begin to send in any large number of supplies or men until American forces had arrived in the tens of thousands", and accused the U.S. of having killed a million Vietnamese, "mostly children." King also criticized American opposition to North Vietnam's land reforms.

King's opposition cost him significant support among white allies, including President Johnson, Billy Graham, union leaders and powerful publishers. "The press is being stacked against me", King said, complaining of what he described as a double standard that applauded his nonviolence at home, but deplored it when applied "toward little brown Vietnamese children." Life magazine called the speech "demagogic slander that sounded like a script for Radio Hanoi", and The Washington Post declared that King had "diminished his usefulness to his cause, his country, his people."

The "Beyond Vietnam" speech reflected King's evolving political advocacy in his later years, which paralleled the teachings of the progressive Highlander Research and Education Center, with which he was affiliated. King began to speak of the need for fundamental changes in the political and economic life of the nation, and more frequently expressed his opposition to the war and his desire to see a redistribution of resources to correct racial and economic injustice. He guarded his language in public to avoid being linked to communism by his enemies, but in private he sometimes spoke of his support for democratic socialism.

In a 1952 letter to Coretta Scott, he said: "I imagine you already know that I am much more socialistic in my economic theory than capitalistic ..." In one speech, he stated that "something is wrong with capitalism" and claimed, "There must be a better distribution of wealth, and maybe America must move toward a democratic socialism." King had read Marx while at Morehouse, but while he rejected "traditional capitalism", he rejected communism because of its "materialistic interpretation of history" that denied religion, its "ethical relativism", and its "political totalitarianism."

King stated in "Beyond Vietnam" that "true compassion is more than flinging a coin to a beggar ... it comes to see that an edifice which produces beggars needs restructuring." King quoted a United States official who said that from Vietnam to Latin America, the country was "on the wrong side of a world revolution." King condemned America's "alliance with the landed gentry of Latin America", and said that the U.S. should support "the shirtless and barefoot people" in the Third World rather than suppressing their attempts at revolution.

King's stance on Vietnam encouraged Allard K. Lowenstein, William Sloane Coffin and Norman Thomas, with the support of anti-war Democrats, to attempt to persuade King to run against President Johnson in the 1968 United States presidential election. King contemplated but ultimately decided against the proposal on the grounds that he felt uneasy with politics and considered himself better suited for his morally unambiguous role as an activist.

On April 15, 1967, King participated and spoke at an anti-war march from Manhattan's Central Park to the United Nations. The march was organized by the Spring Mobilization Committee to End the War in Vietnam and initiated by its chairman, James Bevel. At the U.N. King brought up issues of civil rights and the draft:

I have not urged a mechanical fusion of the civil rights and peace movements. There are people who have come to see the moral imperative of equality, but who cannot yet see the moral imperative of world brotherhood. I would like to see the fervor of the civil-rights movement imbued into the peace movement to instill it with greater strength. And I believe everyone has a duty to be in both the civil-rights and peace movements. But for those who presently choose but one, I would hope they will finally come to see the moral roots common to both.

Seeing an opportunity to unite civil rights activists and anti-war activists, Bevel convinced King to become even more active in the anti-war effort. Despite his growing public opposition towards the Vietnam War, King was not fond of the hippie culture which developed from the anti-war movement. In his 1967 Massey Lecture, King stated:

The importance of the hippies is not in their unconventional behavior, but in the fact that hundreds of thousands of young people, in turning to a flight from reality, are expressing a profoundly discrediting view on the society they emerge from.

On January 13, 1968 (the day after President Johnson's State of the Union Address), King called for a large march on Washington against "one of history's most cruel and senseless wars."

We need to make clear in this political year, to congressmen on both sides of the aisle and to the president of the United States, that we will no longer tolerate, we will no longer vote for men who continue to see the killings of Vietnamese and Americans as the best way of advancing the goals of freedom and self-determination in Southeast Asia.

Correspondence with Thích Nhất Hạnh

Thích Nhất Hạnh was an influential Vietnamese Buddhist who taught at Princeton University and Columbia University. He had written a letter to Martin Luther King, Jr. in 1965 entitled: "In Search of the Enemy of Man". It was during his 1966 stay in the US that Nhất Hạnh met with King and urged him to publicly denounce the Vietnam War. In 1967, Dr. King gave a famous speech at the Riverside Church in New York City, his first to publicly question the U.S. involvement in Vietnam. Later that year, Dr. King nominated Nhất Hạnh for the 1967 Nobel Peace Prize. In his nomination Dr. King said, "I do not personally know of anyone more worthy of [this prize] than this gentle monk from Vietnam. His ideas for peace, if applied, would build a monument to ecumenism, to world brotherhood, to humanity".

Poor People's Campaign, 1968

In 1968, King and the SCLC organized the "Poor People's Campaign" to address issues of economic justice. King traveled the country to assemble "a multiracial army of the poor" that would march on Washington to engage in nonviolent civil disobedience at the Capitol until Congress created an "economic bill of rights" for poor Americans.

The campaign was preceded by King's final book, Where Do We Go from Here: Chaos or Community? which laid out his view of how to address social issues and poverty. King quoted from Henry George and George's book, Progress and Poverty, particularly in support of a guaranteed basic income. The campaign culminated in a march on Washington, D.C., demanding economic aid to the poorest communities of the United States.

King and the SCLC called on the government to invest in rebuilding America's cities. He felt that Congress had shown "hostility to the poor" by spending "military funds with alacrity and generosity." He contrasted this with the situation faced by poor Americans, claiming that Congress had merely provided "poverty funds with miserliness." His vision was for change that was more revolutionary than mere reform: he cited systematic flaws of "racism, poverty, militarism and materialism", and argued that "reconstruction of society itself is the real issue to be faced."

The Poor People's Campaign was controversial even within the civil rights movement. Rustin resigned from the march, stating that the goals of the campaign were too broad, that its demands were unrealizable, and that he thought that these campaigns would accelerate the backlash and repression on the poor and the black.

After King's death

The plan to set up a shantytown in Washington, D.C., was carried out soon after the April 4 assassination. Criticism of King's plan was subdued in the wake of his death, and the SCLC received an unprecedented wave of donations for the purpose of carrying it out. The campaign officially began in Memphis, on May 2, at the hotel where King was murdered. Thousands of demonstrators arrived on the National Mall and stayed for six weeks, establishing a camp they called "Resurrection City."

Assassination and aftermath

On March 29, 1968, King went to Memphis, Tennessee, in support of the black sanitary public works employees, who were represented by AFSCME Local 1733. The workers had been on strike since March 12 for higher wages and better treatment. In one incident, black street repairmen received pay for two hours when they were sent home because of bad weather, but white employees were paid for the full day.

On April 3, King addressed a rally and delivered his "I've Been to the Mountaintop" address at Mason Temple, the world headquarters of the Church of God in Christ. King's flight to Memphis had been delayed by a bomb threat against his plane. In the prophetic peroration of the last speech of his life, in reference to the bomb threat, King said the following:

And then I got to Memphis. And some began to say the threats, or talk about the threats that were out. What would happen to me from some of our sick white brothers?Well, I don't know what will happen now. We've got some difficult days ahead. But it doesn't matter with me now. Because I've been to the mountaintop. And I don't mind. Like anybody, I would like to live a long life. Longevity has its place. But I'm not concerned about that now. I just want to do God's will. And He's allowed me to go up to the mountain. And I've looked over. And I've seen the promised land. I may not get there with you. But I want you to know tonight, that we, as a people, will get to the promised land. So I'm happy, tonight. I'm not worried about anything. I'm not fearing any man. Mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the Lord.

King was booked in Room 306 at the Lorraine Motel (owned by Walter Bailey) in Memphis. Abernathy, who was present at the assassination, testified to the United States House Select Committee on Assassinations that King and his entourage stayed at Room 306 so often that it was known as the "King-Abernathy suite." According to Jesse Jackson, who was present, King's last words on the balcony before his assassination were spoken to musician Ben Branch, who was scheduled to perform that night at an event King was attending: "Ben, make sure you play 'Take My Hand, Precious Lord' in the meeting tonight. Play it real pretty."

King was fatally shot by James Earl Ray at 6:01 p.m., April 4, 1968, as he stood on the motel's second-floor balcony. The bullet entered through his right cheek, smashing his jaw, then traveled down his spinal cord before lodging in his shoulder. Abernathy heard the shot from inside the motel room and ran to the balcony to find King on the floor. Jackson stated after the shooting that he cradled King's head as King lay on the balcony, but this account was disputed by other colleagues of King; Jackson later changed his statement to say that he had "reached out" for King.

After emergency chest surgery, King died at St. Joseph's Hospital at 7:05 p.m. According to biographer Taylor Branch, King's autopsy revealed that though only 39 years old, he "had the heart of a 60 year old", which Branch attributed to the stress of 13 years in the civil rights movement. King is buried within Martin Luther King Jr. National Historical Park.

Aftermath

The assassination led to a nationwide wave of race riots in Washington, D.C., Chicago, Baltimore, Louisville, Kansas City, and dozens of other cities. Presidential candidate Robert F. Kennedy was on his way to Indianapolis for a campaign rally when he was informed of King's death. He gave a short, improvised speech to the gathering of supporters informing them of the tragedy and urging them to continue King's ideal of nonviolence. The following day, he delivered a prepared response in Cleveland. James Farmer Jr. and other civil rights leaders also called for non-violent action, while the more militant Stokely Carmichael called for a more forceful response. The city of Memphis quickly settled the strike on terms favorable to the sanitation workers.

President Lyndon B. Johnson declared April 7 a national day of mourning for the civil rights leader. Vice President Hubert Humphrey attended King's funeral on behalf of the President, as there were fears that Johnson's presence might incite protests and perhaps violence. At his widow's request, King's last sermon at Ebenezer Baptist Church was played at the funeral, a recording of his "Drum Major" sermon, given on February 4, 1968. In that sermon, King made a request that at his funeral no mention of his awards and honors be made, but that it be said that he tried to "feed the hungry", "clothe the naked", "be right on the [Vietnam] war question", and "love and serve humanity."

His good friend Mahalia Jackson sang his favorite hymn, "Take My Hand, Precious Lord", at the funeral.

Two months after King's death, James Earl Ray—who was on the loose from a previous prison escape—was captured at London Heathrow Airport while trying to leave England on a false Canadian passport. He was using the alias Ramon George Sneyd on his way to white-ruled Rhodesia. Ray was quickly extradited to Tennessee and charged with King's murder. He confessed to the assassination on March 10, 1969, though he recanted this confession three days later. On the advice of his attorney Percy Foreman, Ray pleaded guilty to avoid a trial conviction and thus the possibility of receiving the death penalty. He was sentenced to a 99-year prison term. Ray later claimed a man he met in Montreal, Quebec, with the alias "Raoul" was involved and that the assassination was the result of a conspiracy. He spent the remainder of his life attempting, unsuccessfully, to withdraw his guilty plea and secure the trial he never had. Ray died in 1998 at age 70.

Allegations of conspiracy

Ray's lawyers maintained he was a scapegoat similar to the way that John F. Kennedy's assassin Lee Harvey Oswald is seen by conspiracy theorists. Supporters of this assertion said that Ray's confession was given under pressure and that he had been threatened with the death penalty. They admitted that Ray was a thief and burglar, but claimed that he had no record of committing violent crimes with a weapon. However, prison records in different U.S. cities have shown that he was incarcerated on numerous occasions for charges of armed robbery. In a 2008 interview with CNN, Jerry Ray, the younger brother of James Earl Ray, claimed that James was smart and was sometimes able to get away with armed robbery. Jerry Ray said that he had assisted his brother on one such robbery. "I never been with nobody as bold as he is," Jerry said. "He just walked in and put that gun on somebody, it was just like it's an everyday thing."

Those suspecting a conspiracy in the assassination point to the two successive ballistics tests which proved that a rifle similar to Ray's Remington Gamemaster had been the murder weapon. Those tests did not implicate Ray's specific rifle. Witnesses near King at the moment of his death said that the shot came from another location. They said that it came from behind thick shrubbery near the boarding house—which had been cut away in the days following the assassination—and not from the boarding house window. However, Ray's fingerprints were found on various objects (a rifle, a pair of binoculars, articles of clothing, a newspaper) that were left in the bathroom where it was determined the gunfire came from. An examination of the rifle containing Ray's fingerprints determined that at least one shot was fired from the firearm at the time of the assassination.

In 1997, King's son Dexter Scott King met with Ray, and publicly supported Ray's efforts to obtain a new trial.

Two years later, King's widow Coretta Scott King and the couple's children won a wrongful death claim against Loyd Jowers and "other unknown co-conspirators." Jowers claimed to have received $100,000 to arrange King's assassination. The jury of six whites and six blacks found in favor of the King family, finding Jowers to be complicit in a conspiracy against King and that government agencies were party to the assassination. William F. Pepper represented the King family in the trial.

In 2000, the U.S. Department of Justice completed the investigation into Jowers' claims but did not find evidence to support allegations about conspiracy. The investigation report recommended no further investigation unless some new reliable facts are presented. A sister of Jowers admitted that he had fabricated the story so he could make $300,000 from selling the story, and she in turn corroborated his story in order to get some money to pay her income tax.

In 2002, The New York Times reported that a church minister, Rev. Ronald Denton Wilson, claimed his father, Henry Clay Wilson—not James Earl Ray—assassinated King. He stated, "It wasn't a racist thing; he thought Martin Luther King was connected with communism, and he wanted to get him out of the way." Wilson provided no evidence to back up his claims.

King researchers David Garrow and Gerald Posner disagreed with William F. Pepper's claims that the government killed King. In 2003, Pepper published a book about the long investigation and trial, as well as his representation of James Earl Ray in his bid for a trial, laying out the evidence and criticizing other accounts. King's friend and colleague, James Bevel, also disputed the argument that Ray acted alone, stating, "There is no way a ten-cent white boy could develop a plan to kill a million-dollar black man." In 2004, Jesse Jackson stated:

The fact is there were saboteurs to disrupt the march. And within our own organization, we found a very key person who was on the government payroll. So infiltration within, saboteurs from without and the press attacks. ... I will never believe that James Earl Ray had the motive, the money and the mobility to have done it himself. Our government was very involved in setting the stage for and I think the escape route for James Earl Ray.

Legacy

King's main legacy was to secure progress on civil rights in the U.S. Just days after King's assassination, Congress passed the Civil Rights Act of 1968. Title VIII of the Act, commonly known as the Fair Housing Act, prohibited discrimination in housing and housing-related transactions on the basis of race, religion, or national origin (later expanded to include sex, familial status, and disability). This legislation was seen as a tribute to King's struggle in his final years to combat residential discrimination in the U.S.

Internationally, King's legacy includes influences on the Black Consciousness Movement and civil rights movement in South Africa. King's work was cited by, and served as, an inspiration for South African leader Albert Lutuli, who fought for racial justice in his country and was later awarded the Nobel Prize. The day following King's assassination, school teacher Jane Elliott conducted her first "Blue Eyes/Brown Eyes" exercise with her class of elementary school students in Riceville, Iowa. Her purpose was to help them understand King's death as it related to racism, something they little understood as they lived in a predominantly white community.

King has become a national icon in the history of American liberalism and American progressivism. King also influenced Irish politician and activist John Hume. Hume, the former leader of the Social Democratic and Labour Party, cited King's legacy as quintessential to the Northern Irish civil rights movement and the signing of the Good Friday Agreement, calling him "one of my great heroes of the century."

King's wife Coretta Scott King followed in her husband's footsteps and was active in matters of social justice and civil rights until her death in 2006. The same year that Martin Luther King was assassinated, she established the King Center in Atlanta, Georgia, dedicated to preserving his legacy and the work of championing nonviolent conflict resolution and tolerance worldwide. Their son, Dexter King, serves as the center's chairman. Daughter Yolanda King, who died in 2007, was a motivational speaker, author and founder of Higher Ground Productions, an organization specializing in diversity training.

Even within the King family, members disagree about his religious and political views about gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people. King's widow Coretta publicly said that she believed her husband would have supported gay rights. However, his youngest child, Bernice King, has said publicly that he would have been opposed to gay marriage.

On February 4, 1968, at the Ebenezer Baptist Church, in speaking about how he wished to be remembered after his death, King stated:

I'd like somebody to mention that day that Martin Luther King Jr. tried to give his life serving others. I'd like for somebody to say that day that Martin Luther King Jr. tried to love somebody.

I want you to say that day that I tried to be right on the war question. I want you to be able to say that day that I did try to feed the hungry. I want you to be able to say that day that I did try in my life to clothe those who were naked. I want you to say on that day that I did try in my life to visit those who were in prison. And I want you to say that I tried to love and serve humanity.

Yes, if you want to say that I was a drum major. Say that I was a drum major for justice. Say that I was a drum major for peace. I was a drum major for righteousness. And all of the other shallow things will not matter. I won't have any money to leave behind. I won't have the fine and luxurious things of life to leave behind. But I just want to leave a committed life behind.

Martin Luther King Jr. Day

Beginning in 1971, cities such as St. Louis, Missouri, and states established annual holidays to honor King. At the White House Rose Garden on November 2, 1983, President Ronald Reagan signed a bill creating a federal holiday to honor King. Observed for the first time on January 20, 1986, it is called Martin Luther King Jr. Day. Following President George H. W. Bush's 1992 proclamation, the holiday is observed on the third Monday of January each year, near the time of King's birthday. On January 17, 2000, for the first time, Martin Luther King Jr. Day was officially observed in all fifty U.S. states. Arizona (1992), New Hampshire (1999) and Utah (2000) were the last three states to recognize the holiday. Utah previously celebrated the holiday at the same time but under the name Human Rights Day.

Liturgical commemorations

King is remembered as a martyr by the Episcopal Church in the United States of America with an annual feast day on the anniversary of his death, April 4. The Evangelical Lutheran Church in America commemorates King liturgically on the anniversary of his birth, January 15.

UK legacy and The Martin Luther King Peace Committee

In the United Kingdom, The Northumbria and Newcastle Universities Martin Luther King Peace Committee exists to honor King's legacy, as represented by his final visit to the UK to receive an honorary degree from Newcastle University in 1967. The Peace Committee operates out of the chaplaincies of the city's two universities, Northumbria and Newcastle, both of which remain centres for the study of Martin Luther King and the US civil rights movement. Inspired by King's vision, it undertakes a range of activities across the UK as it seeks to "build cultures of peace."

In 2017, Newcastle University unveiled a bronze statue of King to celebrate the 50th anniversary of his honorary doctorate ceremony. The Students Union also voted to rename their bar 'Luthers'.

Loss of materials

On June 25, 2019, The New York Times Magazine listed Martin Luther King Jr. among hundreds of artists whose material was reportedly destroyed in the 2008 Universal fire.

Ideas, influences, and political stances

Religion

As a Christian minister, King's main influence was Jesus Christ and the Christian gospels, which he would almost always quote in his religious meetings, speeches at church, and in public discourses. King's faith was strongly based in Jesus' commandment of loving your neighbor as yourself, loving God above all, and loving your enemies, praying for them and blessing them. His nonviolent thought was also based in the injunction to turn the other cheek in the Sermon on the Mount, and Jesus' teaching of putting the sword back into its place (Matthew 26:52). In his famous Letter from Birmingham Jail, King urged action consistent with what he describes as Jesus' "extremist" love, and also quoted numerous other Christian pacifist authors, which was very usual for him. In another sermon, he stated:

Before I was a civil rights leader, I was a preacher of the Gospel. This was my first calling and it still remains my greatest commitment. You know, actually all that I do in civil rights I do because I consider it a part of my ministry. I have no other ambitions in life but to achieve excellence in the Christian ministry. I don't plan to run for any political office. I don't plan to do anything but remain a preacher. And what I'm doing in this struggle, along with many others, grows out of my feeling that the preacher must be concerned about the whole man.

King's private writings show that he rejected biblical literalism; he described the Bible as "mythological," doubted that Jesus was born of a virgin and did not believe that the story of Jonah and the whale was true.

Nonviolence

Veteran African-American civil rights activist Bayard Rustin was King's first regular advisor on nonviolence. King was also advised by the white activists Harris Wofford and Glenn Smiley. Rustin and Smiley came from the Christian pacifist tradition, and Wofford and Rustin both studied Mahatma Gandhi's teachings. Rustin had applied nonviolence with the Journey of Reconciliation campaign in the 1940s, and Wofford had been promoting Gandhism to Southern blacks since the early 1950s.

King had initially known little about Gandhi and rarely used the term "nonviolence" during his early years of activism in the early 1950s. King initially believed in and practiced self-defense, even obtaining guns in his household as a means of defense against possible attackers. The pacifists guided King by showing him the alternative of nonviolent resistance, arguing that this would be a better means to accomplish his goals of civil rights than self-defense. King then vowed to no longer personally use arms.

In the aftermath of the boycott, King wrote Stride Toward Freedom, which included the chapter Pilgrimage to Nonviolence. King outlined his understanding of nonviolence, which seeks to win an opponent to friendship, rather than to humiliate or defeat him. The chapter draws from an address by Wofford, with Rustin and Stanley Levison also providing guidance and ghostwriting.

King was inspired by Gandhi and his success with nonviolent activism, and as a theology student, King described Gandhi as being one of the "individuals who greatly reveal the working of the Spirit of God". King had "for a long time ... wanted to take a trip to India." With assistance from Harris Wofford, the American Friends Service Committee, and other supporters, he was able to fund the journey in April 1959. The trip to India affected King, deepening his understanding of nonviolent resistance and his commitment to America's struggle for civil rights. In a radio address made during his final evening in India, King reflected, "Since being in India, I am more convinced than ever before that the method of nonviolent resistance is the most potent weapon available to oppressed people in their struggle for justice and human dignity."

King's admiration of Gandhi's nonviolence did not diminish in later years. He went so far as to hold up his example when receiving the Nobel Peace Prize in 1964, hailing the "successful precedent" of using nonviolence "in a magnificent way by Mohandas K. Gandhi to challenge the might of the British Empire ... He struggled only with the weapons of truth, soul force, non-injury and courage."

Another influence for King's nonviolent method was Henry David Thoreau's essay On Civil Disobedience and its theme of refusing to cooperate with an evil system. He also was greatly influenced by the works of Protestant theologians Reinhold Niebuhr and Paul Tillich, and said that Walter Rauschenbusch's Christianity and the Social Crisis left an "indelible imprint" on his thinking by giving him a theological grounding for his social concerns. King was moved by Rauschenbusch's vision of Christians spreading social unrest in "perpetual but friendly conflict" with the state, simultaneously critiquing it and calling it to act as an instrument of justice. He was apparently unaware of the American tradition of Christian pacifism exemplified by Adin Ballou and William Lloyd Garrison King frequently referred to Jesus' Sermon on the Mount as central for his work. King also sometimes used the concept of "agape" (brotherly Christian love). However, after 1960, he ceased employing it in his writings.

Even after renouncing his personal use of guns, King had a complex relationship with the phenomenon of self-defense in the movement. He publicly discouraged it as a widespread practice, but acknowledged that it was sometimes necessary. Throughout his career King was frequently protected by other civil rights activists who carried arms, such as Colonel Stone Johnson, Robert Hayling, and the Deacons for Defense and Justice.

Activism and involvement with Native Americans

King was an avid supporter of Native American rights. Native Americans were also active supporters of King's civil rights movement which included the active participation of Native Americans. In fact, the Native American Rights Fund (NARF) was patterned after the NAACP's Legal Defense and Education Fund. The National Indian Youth Council (NIYC) was especially supportive in King's campaigns especially the Poor People's Campaign in 1968. In King's book "Why We Can't Wait" he writes:

Our nation was born in genocide when it embraced the doctrine that the original American, the Indian, was an inferior race. Even before there were large numbers of Negroes on our shores, the scar of racial hatred had already disfigured colonial society. From the sixteenth century forward, blood flowed in battles over racial supremacy. We are perhaps the only nation which tried as a matter of national policy to wipe out its indigenous population. Moreover, we elevated that tragic experience into a noble crusade. Indeed, even today we have not permitted ourselves to reject or to feel remorse for this shameful episode. Our literature, our films, our drama, our folklore all exalt it.

King assisted Native American people in south Alabama in the late 1950s. At that time the remaining Creek in Alabama were trying to completely desegregate schools in their area. The South had many egregious racial problems: In this case, light-complexioned Native children were allowed to ride school buses to previously all white schools, while dark-skinned Native children from the same band were barred from riding the same buses. Tribal leaders, upon hearing of King's desegregation campaign in Birmingham, Alabama, contacted him for assistance. He promptly responded and through his intervention the problem was quickly resolved.

In September 1959, King flew from Los Angeles, California, to Tucson, Arizona. After giving a speech at the University of Arizona on the ideals of using nonviolent methods in creating social change. He put into words his belief that one must not use force in this struggle "but match the violence of his opponents with his suffering." King then went to Southside Presbyterian, a predominantly Native American church, and was fascinated by their photos. On the spur of the moment Dr. King wanted to go to an Indian Reservation to meet the people so Reverend Casper Glenn took King to the Papago Indian Reservation. At the reservation King met with all the tribal leaders, and others on the reservation then ate with them. King then visited another Presbyterian church near the reservation, and preached there attracting a Native American crowd. He later returned to Old Pueblo in March 1962 where he preached again to a Native American congregation, and then went on to give another speech at the University of Arizona. King would continue to attract the attention of Native Americans throughout the civil rights movement. During the 1963 March on Washington there was a sizable Native American contingent, including many from South Dakota, and many from the Navajo nation. Native Americans were also active participants in the Poor People's Campaign in 1968.

King was a major inspiration along with the civil rights movement which inspired the Native American rights movement of the 1960s and many of its leaders. John Echohawk a member of the Pawnee tribe and the executive director and one of the founders of the Native American Rights Fund stated:

Inspired by Dr. King, who was advancing the civil rights agenda of equality under the laws of this country, we thought that we could also use the laws to advance our Indianship, to live as tribes in our territories governed by our own laws under the principles of tribal sovereignty that had been with us ever since 1831. We believed that we could fight for a policy of self-determination that was consistent with U.S. law and that we could govern our own affairs, define our own ways and continue to survive in this society.

Politics

As the leader of the SCLC, King maintained a policy of not publicly endorsing a U.S. political party or candidate: "I feel someone must remain in the position of non-alignment, so that he can look objectively at both parties and be the conscience of both—not the servant or master of either." In a 1958 interview, he expressed his view that neither party was perfect, saying, "I don't think the Republican party is a party full of the almighty God nor is the Democratic party. They both have weaknesses ... And I'm not inextricably bound to either party." King did praise Democratic Senator Paul Douglas of Illinois as being the "greatest of all senators" because of his fierce advocacy for civil rights causes over the years.

King critiqued both parties' performance on promoting racial equality:

Actually, the Negro has been betrayed by both the Republican and the Democratic party. The Democrats have betrayed him by capitulating to the whims and caprices of the Southern Dixiecrats. The Republicans have betrayed him by capitulating to the blatant hypocrisy of reactionary right wing northern Republicans. And this coalition of southern Dixiecrats and right wing reactionary northern Republicans defeats every bill and every move towards liberal legislation in the area of civil rights.

Although King never publicly supported a political party or candidate for president, in a letter to a civil rights supporter in October 1956 he said that he had not decided whether he would vote for Adlai Stevenson II or Dwight D. Eisenhower at the 1956 presidential election, but that "In the past I always voted the Democratic ticket." In his autobiography, King says that in 1960 he privately voted for Democratic candidate John F. Kennedy: "I felt that Kennedy would make the best president. I never came out with an endorsement. My father did, but I never made one." King adds that he likely would have made an exception to his non-endorsement policy for a second Kennedy term, saying "Had President Kennedy lived, I would probably have endorsed him in 1964."

In 1964, King urged his supporters "and all people of goodwill" to vote against Republican Senator Barry Goldwater for president, saying that his election "would be a tragedy, and certainly suicidal almost, for the nation and the world."

King supported the ideals of democratic socialism, although he was reluctant to speak directly of this support due to the anti-communist sentiment being projected throughout the United States at the time, and the association of socialism with communism. King believed that capitalism could not adequately provide the basic necessities of many American people, particularly the African-American community.

Compensation

King stated that black Americans, as well as other disadvantaged Americans, should be compensated for historical wrongs. In an interview conducted for Playboy in 1965, he said that granting black Americans only equality could not realistically close the economic gap between them and whites. King said that he did not seek a full restitution of wages lost to slavery, which he believed impossible, but proposed a government compensatory program of $50 billion over ten years to all disadvantaged groups.

He posited that "the money spent would be more than amply justified by the benefits that would accrue to the nation through a spectacular decline in school dropouts, family breakups, crime rates, illegitimacy, swollen relief rolls, rioting and other social evils." He presented this idea as an application of the common law regarding settlement of unpaid labor, but clarified that he felt that the money should not be spent exclusively on blacks. He stated, "It should benefit the disadvantaged of all races."

Family planning

On being awarded the Planned Parenthood Federation of America's Margaret Sanger Award on May 5, 1966, King said:

Recently, the press has been filled with reports of sightings of flying saucers. While we need not give credence to these stories, they allow our imagination to speculate on how visitors from outer space would judge us. I am afraid they would be stupefied at our conduct. They would observe that for death planning we spend billions to create engines and strategies for war. They would also observe that we spend millions to prevent death by disease and other causes. Finally they would observe that we spend paltry sums for population planning, even though its spontaneous growth is an urgent threat to life on our planet. Our visitors from outer space could be forgiven if they reported home that our planet is inhabited by a race of insane men whose future is bleak and uncertain.

There is no human circumstance more tragic than the persisting existence of a harmful condition for which a remedy is readily available. Family planning, to relate population to world resources, is possible, practical and necessary. Unlike plagues of the dark ages or contemporary diseases we do not yet understand, the modern plague of overpopulation is soluble by means we have discovered and with resources we possess.

What is lacking is not sufficient knowledge of the solution but universal consciousness of the gravity of the problem and education of the billions who are its victims ...

Television

Actress Nichelle Nichols planned to leave the science-fiction television series Star Trek in 1967 after its first season, wanting to return to musical theater. She changed her mind after talking to King who was a fan of the show. King explained that her character signified a future of greater racial harmony and cooperation. King told Nichols, "You are our image of where we're going, you're 300 years from now, and that means that's where we are and it takes place now. Keep doing what you're doing, you are our inspiration." As Nichols recounted, "Star Trek was one of the only shows that [King] and his wife Coretta would allow their little children to watch. And I thanked him and I told him I was leaving the show. All the smile came off his face. And he said, 'Don't you understand for the first time we're seen as we should be seen. You don't have a black role. You have an equal role.'" For his part, the series' creator, Gene Roddenberry, was deeply moved upon learning of King's support.

State surveillance and coercion

FBI surveillance and wiretapping

FBI director J. Edgar Hoover personally ordered surveillance of King, with the intent to undermine his power as a civil rights leader. The Church Committee, a 1975 investigation by the U.S. Congress, found that "From December 1963 until his death in 1968, Martin Luther King Jr. was the target of an intensive campaign by the Federal Bureau of Investigation to 'neutralize' him as an effective civil rights leader."

In the fall of 1963, the FBI received authorization from Attorney General Robert F. Kennedy to proceed with wiretapping of King's phone lines, purportedly due to his association with Stanley Levison. The Bureau informed President John F. Kennedy. He and his brother unsuccessfully tried to persuade King to dissociate himself from Levison, a New York lawyer who had been involved with Communist Party USA. Although Robert Kennedy only gave written approval for limited wiretapping of King's telephone lines "on a trial basis, for a month or so", Hoover extended the clearance so his men were "unshackled" to look for evidence in any areas of King's life they deemed worthy.

The Bureau placed wiretaps on the home and office phone lines of both Levison and King, and bugged King's rooms in hotels as he traveled across the country. In 1967, Hoover listed the SCLC as a black nationalist hate group, with the instructions: "No opportunity should be missed to exploit through counterintelligence techniques the organizational and personal conflicts of the leaderships of the groups ... to insure the targeted group is disrupted, ridiculed, or discredited."

NSA monitoring of King's communications

In a secret operation code-named "Minaret", the National Security Agency monitored the communications of leading Americans, including King, who were critical of the U.S. war in Vietnam. A review by the NSA itself concluded that Minaret was "disreputable if not outright illegal."

Allegations of communism

For years, Hoover had been suspicious of potential influence of communists in social movements such as labor unions and civil rights. Hoover directed the FBI to track King in 1957, and the SCLC when it was established.

Due to the relationship between King and Stanley Levison, the FBI feared Levison was working as an "agent of influence" over King, in spite of its own reports in 1963 that Levison had left the Party and was no longer associated in business dealings with them. Another King lieutenant, Jack O'Dell, was also linked to the Communist Party by sworn testimony before the House Un-American Activities Committee (HUAC).

Despite the extensive surveillance conducted, by 1976 the FBI had acknowledged that it had not obtained any evidence that King himself or the SCLC were actually involved with any communist organizations.

For his part, King adamantly denied having any connections to communism. In a 1965 Playboy interview, he stated that "there are as many Communists in this freedom movement as there are Eskimos in Florida." He argued that Hoover was "following the path of appeasement of political powers in the South" and that his concern for communist infiltration of the civil rights movement was meant to "aid and abet the salacious claims of southern racists and the extreme right-wing elements." Hoover did not believe King's pledge of innocence and replied by saying that King was "the most notorious liar in the country." After King gave his "I Have A Dream" speech during the March on Washington on August 28, 1963, the FBI described King as "the most dangerous and effective Negro leader in the country." It alleged that he was "knowingly, willingly and regularly cooperating with and taking guidance from communists."

The attempts to prove that King was a communist was related to the feeling of many segregationists that blacks in the South were content with the status quo, but had been stirred up by "communists" and "outside agitators." As context, the civil rights movement in 1950s and '60s arose from activism within the black community dating back to before World War I. King said that "the Negro revolution is a genuine revolution, born from the same womb that produces all massive social upheavals—the womb of intolerable conditions and unendurable situations."

CIA surveillance

CIA files declassified in 2017 revealed that the agency was investigating possible links between King and Communism after a Washington Post article dated November 4, 1964 claimed he was invited to the Soviet Union and that Ralph Abernathy, as spokesman for King, refused to comment on the source of the invitation. Mail belonging to King and other civil rights activists was intercepted by the CIA program HTLINGUAL.

Adultery

The FBI having concluded that King was dangerous due to communist infiltration, attempts to discredit King began through revelations regarding his private life. FBI surveillance of King, some of it since made public, attempted to demonstrate that he also had numerous extramarital affairs. Lyndon B. Johnson once said that King was a "hypocritical preacher".

In his 1989 autobiography And the Walls Came Tumbling Down, Ralph Abernathy stated that King had a "weakness for women", although they "all understood and believed in the biblical prohibition against sex outside of marriage. It was just that he had a particularly difficult time with that temptation." In a later interview, Abernathy said that he only wrote the term "womanizing", that he did not specifically say King had extramarital sex and that the infidelities King had were emotional rather than sexual.

Abernathy criticized the media for sensationalizing the statements he wrote about King's affairs, such as the allegation that he admitted in his book that King had a sexual affair the night before he was assassinated. In his original wording, Abernathy had stated that he saw King coming out of his room with a woman when he awoke the next morning and later said that "he may have been in there discussing and debating and trying to get her to go along with the movement, I don't know."

In his 1986 book Bearing the Cross, David Garrow wrote about a number of extramarital affairs, including one woman King saw almost daily. According to Garrow, "that relationship ... increasingly became the emotional centerpiece of King's life, but it did not eliminate the incidental couplings ... of King's travels." He alleged that King explained his extramarital affairs as "a form of anxiety reduction." Garrow asserted that King's supposed promiscuity caused him "painful and at times overwhelming guilt." King's wife Coretta appeared to have accepted his affairs with equanimity, saying once that "all that other business just doesn't have a place in the very high level relationship we enjoyed." Shortly after Bearing the Cross was released, civil rights author Howell Raines gave the book a positive review but opined that Garrow's allegations about King's sex life were "sensational" and stated that Garrow was "amassing facts rather than analyzing them."

The FBI distributed reports regarding such affairs to the executive branch, friendly reporters, potential coalition partners and funding sources of the SCLC, and King's family. The bureau also sent anonymous letters to King threatening to reveal information if he did not cease his civil rights work. The FBI–King suicide letter sent to King just before he received the Nobel Peace Prize read, in part:

The American public, the church organizations that have been helping—Protestants, Catholics and Jews will know you for what you are—an evil beast. So will others who have backed you. You are done. King, there is only one thing left for you to do. You know what it is. You have just 34 days in which to do (this exact number has been selected for a specific reason, it has definite practical significant [sic]). You are done. There is but one way out for you. You better take it before your filthy fraudulent self is bared to the nation.

The letter was accompanied by a tape recording—excerpted from FBI wiretaps—of several of King's extramarital liaisons. King interpreted this package as an attempt to drive him to suicide, although William Sullivan, head of the Domestic Intelligence Division at the time, argued that it may have only been intended to "convince Dr. King to resign from the SCLC." King refused to give in to the FBI's threats.

In 1977, Judge John Lewis Smith Jr. ordered all known copies of the recorded audiotapes and written transcripts resulting from the FBI's electronic surveillance of King between 1963 and 1968 to be held in the National Archives and sealed from public access until 2027.

In May 2019, FBI files emerged indicating that King "looked on, laughed and offered advice" as one of his friends raped a woman. His biographer, David Garrow, wrote that "the suggestion... that he either actively tolerated or personally employed violence against any woman, even while drunk, poses so fundamental a challenge to his historical stature as to require the most complete and extensive historical review possible". These allegations sparked a heated debate among historians. Clayborne Carson, Martin Luther King biographer and overseer of the Dr. King records at Stanford University states that he came to the opposite conclusion of Garrow saying "None of this is new. Garrow is talking about a recently added summary of a transcript of a 1964 recording from the Willard Hotel that others, including Mrs. King, have said they did not hear Martin’s voice on in. The added summary was four layers removed from the actual recording. This supposedly new information comes from an anonymous source in a single paragraph in an FBI report. You have to ask how could anyone conclude King looked at a rape from an audio recording in a room where he was not present." Carson bases his position of Coretta Scott King's memoirs where she states "I set up our reel-to-reel recorder and listened. I have read scores of reports talking about the scurrilous activities of my husband but once again, there was nothing at all incriminating on the tape. It was a social event with people laughing and telling dirty jokes. But I did not hear Martin’s voice on it, and there was nothing about sex or anything else resembling the lies J. Edgar and the FBI were spreading." The tapes that could confirm or refute the allegation are scheduled to be declassified in 2027.

Police observation during the assassination

A fire station was located across from the Lorraine Motel, next to the boarding house in which James Earl Ray was staying. Police officers were stationed in the fire station to keep King under surveillance. Agents were watching King at the time he was shot. Immediately following the shooting, officers rushed out of the station to the motel. Marrell McCollough, an undercover police officer, was the first person to administer first aid to King. The antagonism between King and the FBI, the lack of an all points bulletin to find the killer, and the police presence nearby led to speculation that the FBI was involved in the assassination.

Awards and recognition

King was awarded at least fifty honorary degrees from colleges and universities. On October 14, 1964, King became the (at the time) youngest winner of the Nobel Peace Prize, which was awarded to him for leading nonviolent resistance to racial prejudice in the U.S. In 1965, he was awarded the American Liberties Medallion by the American Jewish Committee for his "exceptional advancement of the principles of human liberty." In his acceptance remarks, King said, "Freedom is one thing. You have it all or you are not free."

In 1957, he was awarded the Spingarn Medal from the NAACP. Two years later, he won the Anisfield-Wolf Book Award for his book Stride Toward Freedom: The Montgomery Story. In 1966, the Planned Parenthood Federation of America awarded King the Margaret Sanger Award for "his courageous resistance to bigotry and his lifelong dedication to the advancement of social justice and human dignity." Also in 1966, King was elected as a fellow of the American Academy of Arts and Sciences. In November 1967 he made a 24-hour trip to the United Kingdom to receive an honorary degree from Newcastle University, being the first African-American to be so honoured by Newcastle. In a moving impromptu acceptance speech, he said

There are three urgent and indeed great problems that we face not only in the United States of America but all over the world today. That is the problem of racism, the problem of poverty and the problem of war.

In addition to being nominated for three Grammy Awards, the civil rights leader posthumously won for Best Spoken Word Recording in 1971 for "Why I Oppose The War In Vietnam".

In 1977, the Presidential Medal of Freedom was posthumously awarded to King by President Jimmy Carter. The citation read:

Martin Luther King Jr. was the conscience of his generation. He gazed upon the great wall of segregation and saw that the power of love could bring it down. From the pain and exhaustion of his fight to fulfill the promises of our founding fathers for our humblest citizens, he wrung his eloquent statement of his dream for America. He made our nation stronger because he made it better. His dream sustains us yet.

King and his wife were also awarded the Congressional Gold Medal in 2004.

King was second in Gallup's List of Most Widely Admired People of the 20th Century. In 1963, he was named Time Person of the Year, and in 2000, he was voted sixth in an online "Person of the Century" poll by the same magazine. King placed third in the Greatest American contest conducted by the Discovery Channel and AOL.

Five-dollar bill

On April 20, 2016, Treasury Secretary Jacob Lew announced that the $5, $10, and $20 bills would all undergo redesign prior to 2020. Lew said that while Lincoln would remain on the front of the $5 bill, the reverse would be redesigned to depict various historical events that had occurred at the Lincoln Memorial. Among the planned designs are images from King's "I Have a Dream" speech and the 1939 concert by opera singer Marian Anderson.

[rogerthat-taylor]

Ostentatious Drumming

Summary: Roger Taylor approaches you at the pub they had just played in, of course hoping for a lovely shag, but his itinerary changes into an extraordinary night of him walking you home and you in turn unknowingly dissing on the drummer - you hadn’t realised that it was him behind the drums.

Words: 2.4K

A/N: This is set to happen when Queen was just starting out, I guess. I really wanted to come up with something short and pretty simple til I came along a prompt I found: “He walks you home” or something like that so I thought of this. This has been in my drafts for quite some time now (just as all my other scrapped writings are, yikes) and I really didn’t plan too much on this one cause I just wanted to write what came to me so I hope it’s alright. I imagined early 70′s Roger for this but Ben!Roger works too! (ooh ooh! and the 2nd photo was something i pulled out from my photography assignment cause i thought it seemed fitting & i couldn’t find any other appropriate visuals for this so)

ostentatious

/ˌɒstɛnˈteɪʃəs/

adjective

characterized by pretentious or showy display; designed to impress.

You downed your third shot of the night and if you were to be completely frank, you were already tipsy and possibly even drunk but how would you know; that had only been your first time actually drinking. It was your sister’s clever idea to celebrate your birthday in a pub - but more importantly somewhere with alcohol or with drunk horny men. Which was more vital? You weren’t quite sure but what was indeed certain was that this had turned out to be the worst birthday ever and you just wanted to get home. This wasn’t your scene, not even close. You were a straight A’s student who was in the school’s marching band and even though that sounded like an insinuating stereotype you always enjoyed the comfort of piping hot tea simmering at your bed side with a book in hand wrapped in a blanket and clothed in the softest pyjamas. So to hell with stereotypes.

“Would you like another drink?” A dashing young man who seemed to be your age popped by right next to you and drunk or not, he seemed like trouble. The long hair and devious smoulder written on his face said enough. He did seem familiar so perhaps you had seen him in school.

“Not really,” you slurred, “I don’t think so.”

He chuckled, “Come on, it’s on me!”

“I really should be looking for my sister,” you insisted because as much as you’d like to deny the attraction to this blonde beauty, you knew he was up to no good and it would be best for you to leave.

However, your sister wasn’t around she had already left half an hour ago with some guy and God knows where she could be right now.

You stood up from your seat but the moment your foot landed on the floor, you found yourself stumbling and leaning on the seat for support. To this, you heard laughter and sneering around you which only intensified whatever frustrations and anger you felt towards being left abandoned alone somewhere you didn’t even wish to be in on your birthday.

“Why don’t I walk you home,” blonde beauty sighed and offered his hand to help you up.

You looked up and as much as you wanted to trust the trace of empathy written in his gaze, you knew better than to fall for his deceiving charm in attempts to get you into bed. Besides, that had to be the only reason he was treating you so nice … right?

“I’m fine, thank you,” you managed to prop yourself up so you were standing quite rooted but occasionally swaying thanks to the little alcohol that you had.

“Rog, leave her be, you’re better than this,” you turned to find a tall man with a long mop of curls, shot a stern look at Rog, the blonde beauty.

Yes, you either referred to him as Rog (as how Curly addressed him) or blonde beauty. Both of which seemed quite accurate.

“I’m not planning anything like that,” he defended, “I’m actually serious about sending her home, she doesn’t belong here.”

You walked off wanting nothing more than to be home, you were fortunate, though, that you lived nearby, so near that there wasn’t a need to take a cab home and if you had it would just be ridiculous because of how close you lived. You managed to squeeze your way out, occasionally bumping into sweaty figures but once you were out, you were greeted by the calming waft of London air woven with the light summer breeze. The sky was indigo dark but was remarkably glittered by the stars. You had been looking up which was ideal, at least you thought, that way you wouldn’t feel as dizzy.

You felt yourself stumble down from a curb but you managed to retain your balance. That was until you felt someone tugging at your arm and next thing you knew, no longer were you in trance with the indigo sky but rather lost in identical steel blue orbs that you had soon recognised to be Rog’s or blonde beauty - whichever he was.

“Are you out of your mind?” He grunted irritably, still holding onto your arm, keeping you up.

You had stumbled out of the pathway and into the road where a car just drove past and you hadn’t even noticed, thanks again to the bare minimum alcohol that was enough to send you, a first timer, drunk.

“To be at some pub on my birthday alone instead of being alone in my own room tucked away with a book?” you babbled incomprehensibly, “Yes, i’m out of my sodding mind, thanks for the clarification.”

You pulled your arm away from his hold and continued on walking, focusing on your every step because perhaps if you just focused on walking, you might manage to get home safely on your own.

“A thank you would have been nice,” he said, trailing you behind.

“What do you want from me?” You turned around a little to abruptly that you stumbled a few steps back only to find out that instinctively, his arms were held out in preparations to catch you even though you hadn’t. Instead, you throw your hands on your waist, to brush off the humiliating past five seconds that had just occured.

“I’m not after anything, I would just like to make sure you get home safe,” he stated, not breaking any eye contact, “and happy birthday, I guess.”

“Why do you care so much?” You questioned.

You noticed his hand fidget as he brought it closer to his lips as if biting on them, you weren’t too certain but whatever it was, you’re intoxicated mind found it irresistibly adora- you meant annoying.

“Because,” he started but paused for he too didn’t know why he had cared so much knowing fully well that he wasn’t going to get anything out of this (which was quite a rare of occasion in the history of Roger Taylor), “it was getting too stuffy in there and besides I wanted to take a walk. So if you’d let me, may I walk you home?”

Your brows fused together in complete confusion. You didn’t know why an attractive boy was insisting on walking you home, you never got this attention from school or anywhere really - in fact, you didn’t get any attention at all so perhaps this would be nice for a change. So you nod slowly and spin back to the direction you were first headed to.

“So,” you heard him pick up his pace to catch up to you, “how did you find the band?”

“They had an interesting sound,” you spoke, “When they introduced their song ‘Jesus’ I was shocked to find it rather biblical. I was honestly expecting it to be a punk attempt to spite on some religion.”

They. From having the ability to talk up to any girl as soon as they get down the stage to not being recognised at all; this was a peculiar and a rather humbling experience for Roger. You had no clue that he was part of the band.

“They were great really,” you continued, “probably the only highlight of this terrible night - oh but wait, I do remember the drummer missing a beat or something, there was one part when he just seems so off, like he went a little too fast. Don’t you agree?”

“Excuse me?” Roger’s eyes widened, deeply aggrieved.

“I’m in a marching bland and I play a bit of the snares - but anyway, there was one guitar solo but then the drums kinda filled in and it just seemed ostentatious,” you shrugged, tucking your palms into your jeans.

“Ostentatious?” he repeated with a tone.

“It means-”

“I know what it means,” he grumbled, “You thought the drumming was ostentatious?”

No longer were you only clueless that he was part of the band, let alone the drummer himself, you were now unconsciously calling his talent out and it took everything in him to bite his tongue from introducing himself as sincerely, the ostentatious drummer.

“A little bit, yeah - but only at one point,” you nodded clearly naive on what was going on, “but other than that they were smashing!”

He held out his arm in front of you as you aimlessly walked without knowing that both of you had reached a traffic light in an attempt to prevent you from crossing. You shoot him an apologetic look, ashamed.

“I’m Roger, by the way” he said, holding his hand out with a smile on his face to brush of the fact that you had just insulted his drumming.

You looked at him and then his hand before shaking it in response.

“And I’m drunk,” you chuckled, “which is a first I believe.”

“You’re joking,” said Roger.

“I wish I was. Unless I’m not really drunk, maybe I’m just tipsy but whatever it is, I feel loopy.”

The lights glared into a bright green signalling for the both of you to cross and so you did and the moment you took the step off the curb, Roger latched his arm into yours so that you were both walking side by side, arms brushing against one another. You hated to admit it but this was as intimate as you have ever gotten with anyone.

Whether it was the glittering sky and its peaceful glow, the headlights from the one car that awaited for the both of you to get to the other end or your intoxicated mind that was falling agonisingly deeper for this man, you noticed a kind of glimmer in his eyes as his lips trembled slightly as they continue to widen. You could tell that you weren’t alone in enjoying this simple form of intimacy.

“I reckon I’d still be able to cross even if you hadn’t done this,” you managed to say out feeling immense heat and tingling on your cheeks.

“Are you suggesting that I let go?” he turned to you with a bold smirk.

“Not necessarily,” you responded, turning away in an attempt to hide your blushing state.

At this point, you were both far off from the traffic light which made the arm-latching deem pointless but nothing has changed except for the fact that you were slowly getting accustomed to walking like this and with him. You enjoyed the warmth and hell, every part of it.

“So Roger,” you started, “What were you doing at the pub tonight?”

This was it.

“Decadent drum-playing, apparently,” scoffed Roger, “or so I’ve been told.”

Your posture straightened just as your eyes widen. It made sense now why he had been so familiar, you noticed him up on stage when the band was playing.

“So you’re the genius behind the impressive drumming,” you blushed.

“We’re calling it impressive now?” he chuckled.

“Well, impressive is synonym to osten-”

“Alright, alright,” he cut you off laughing, “Would you like to tell me your name or would you rather be addressed as my walking dictionary?”

“My?” you wondered, in denial of how ecstatic you were upon hearing the word.

“Well, seeing how you’re latched to me, at least physically, it seemed appropriate, I guess. Using The would be too objectifying so my it is.”

You jumped as you heard a loud bark on your left which had been timely for if you hadn’t heard it, you wouldn’t have realised that you had reached home. It was your dog.

“Right,” you snapped from your thoughts, slipping your arm from his hold, “this is my stop - I mean my house.”

He turned baffled at first until it has registered that this was the end of his lovely exchange with you. It had been so surprisingly enjoyable that he forgot the whole point of taking a walk was so that he could smoke.

He sighed, “alright.”

You stood still, knowing you had to turn and take a step closer to what was once the place you desperately wanted to be in but not so much at the current moment; not when the universe had gifted you Roger. The dashing intellect who was equally talented with the drums (granted he might have been off at one point but who’s to say you were absolutely right about that) as he was genius with his vocabulary. A feature you found extremely attractive as a lover of literature.

“Thank you, Roger,” you said, “for sending me home and being a complete gentleman.”

“I wouldn’t say complete,” he chuckled nervously, taking a step closer while he scratched the back of his neck.

The distance between you and him had closed once again only this time you were both facing one another, so close that you could almost feel him. You ought to step back but you didn’t, you enjoyed this - in fact you were baited for what was going to happen. Whatever guards or walls you built to defend yourself from falling for him have completely crumbled, you didn’t care what his intentions were you just wanted a taste of what it was like to be wanted.

You closed your eyes and felt yourself gravitating closer to him which he read almost instantaneously as a signal. His warm and calloused hand made its way to the back of your neck and at the base of your skull almost cradling it gently all whilst pulling you closer to him. His lips grazed lightly on yours right before parting and moulding into yours and before you could even process it, he had been kissing you and it was beautiful. It was inexplicable, you found yourself mentally dumbfounded, unable to put together a string of words to reflect on what was happening as you would normally do so instead you allowed your senses to take over. His lips were delicate but all the more fiery with occasional lip biting here and there. It was striking how he found the perfect balance in-between the two polar opposites.

The kiss wasn’t too long perhaps it had only happen in mere seconds but it felt longer. You rubbed your lips nervously with the back of your hand and take a step back, the tingling sensation creeping back to your cheeks.

“See,” Roger chuckled, his fingers hovering his lips, “not a complete gentleman.”

“I think I like it better that way,” you said before turning around finally to head inside.

“Wait!” Roger called out, his hand even held out, “I never got your name.”

You smiled and replied, “Y/N.”

You saw him mouth your name right before his lips pulled into a smile as he slowly walked away.

“Happy birthday!” he yelled, “Come see us play again on Friday night same place and same time. Be there before I personally fetch you.”

[girlobsessed21]

The 100 6x03 review and predictions

Another magnificent episode. So far, season six has yet to disappoint. It gets more interesting and thought-provoking as we dig. It might just turn out to be my favorite so far.

“We’re from earth, we come in peace.” Clarke takes the lead as her natural proclivity kicks in, while Bellamy barks orders to everyone else on how to behave. This power duo, tried and tested, works. Bellamy and Clarke are like two elements with perfect binding properties that create a vigorous chemical.

We see a black toxin slurring through Murphy’s veins before Russel declares him dead. Bellamy’s face falls; he realizes he’s responsible. And because cockroaches can’t die, there’s a cure for being exposed to seaweed during the red sun. Now, we learn of a new danger that will surely come back into play.

A hideous snake has to be some sort of symbolism. I love all the Biblical references in this show. In season 5, Eden was destroyed forcing our heroes to leave earth. Genesis tells the story of the snake (Satan) causing Adam and Eve’s shun from the garden. Here, that “same snake” gives life. Oh hell no, is our beloved Murphy crossing the veil back to the dark side? My fear for this is strengthened by, “I’m pretty sure I’m going to hell.”

The allusion deepens with the episode’s name and Russel’s mention of the demon Gabriel believing he could walk on water. Gabriel was the angel that delivered the news of Jesus to mother Mary. Demon Gabriel - an oxymoron, so is cold sweat and only choice. Mmmm, I think our sanctum leader is the only evil spirit here. He is shady as hell (no pun intended).

The Blakes

So far, Echo has had no purpose but to end the war between the siblings. Bellamy’s furious and as much as I love Octavia, he has a good reason to be. In the previous episodes, we’ve seen the logic behind her decisions. I understand where she’s coming from, but her wicked side has to be tamed before she can be trusted completely.

There’s an aching need for Bellamy’s approval that comes to show, yet she cannot discard of Bloodreina. This becomes clear when Octavia ignores her brother’s pleas not to engage when they encounter the “outsiders”. I felt for both of them when Bellamy scorned her, but he did that for her own good as well as his people. Here we see “the heart and the head” clearly. No way the heart would have closed that door on his sister. When he tells her, “My sister died a long time ago.” I believe that was him begging her to return to him.

After the incident, Echo offers him some awkward comfort while he sheds a tear. Please, give this character something else to do besides being Bellamy’s lapdog. She used to be a spy, now she’s reverted to a loyal girlfriend with little identity.

Jordan and Delilah

I’m not usually interested in relationships that are sprung onto me within two seconds, but this one is unique. Jordan has never been off the ship and seeing a beautiful girl, whom he has heard no stories of, has his heart bouncing in all directions, obviously. There are chemistry and adoring looks and I’m all for it. That is until I realize Delilah is another name taken from the Old Testament.

Jordan is, in Gollum’s voice, my precious. I want to protect him at all cost. The innocence and purity he radiates is inspiring. At the age of twenty-six, he deserves some good old lovin’. But of course, the girl uses this to trick him into revealing secrets about his people.

Not too sure whether there’s a real connection between them or this was pure betrayal. She still wanted to be with him after the info was retrieved, guess we’ll find out. But that face, when she undresses and crawls on top of him, deserves to be framed.

The primes

I’ve had the suspicion of Clarke becoming a host for Josephine for some time now and this reveal enhanced that idea. So, the founders of the settlement were four families, considered royalty. Russel Lightbourne is still their leader - referring to the previous episode: “Sanctum is mine!” He will do whatever it takes to remain in power. 

A lot of people speculated that Josephine survived since she wrote the book, but I doubt it. Russel, in my opinion, developed some presence manifestation device, such as the flame, to transport their beings from one person to the next. Only those with nightblood of course, which led me to believe this is what the naming ceremony entails. The “chosen ones” are blessed with the spirits of their forefathers.

Russel’s daughter died six years ago, thus no host available for Josephine, making Clarke the perfect candidate. The way he looks at Clarke when he discovers she’s a nightblood revelas a novel’s worth of plans. She’ll co-operate to pledge her loyalty to her new home and protect Madi.

I’m all for this idea and cannot wait to explore the possibilities. Josephine captured my heart in one small flashback, I think she’s gonna be good for Clarke, maybe even help her with the Bellamy situation.

“Princess Clarke, perfect.” Yes, Murphy that is perfect. Here’s to hoping Bellamy calls her that again.

Or she’ll discover the evils of Sanctum through Josephine’s eyes. We’ve seen the love she had for Gabriel, perhaps the girl will show her that they are indeed the good guys.

“There are worse things in this world than eclipse induced psychosis, most of them are outside the shield.” I highly doubt that, I believe their inside. Madi refers to Clarke needing her help, meaning she’s currently in danger, in Sanctum.

Bellarke

When asked if Clarke’s the leader and Bellamy chimes in with, “She is. She can speak for us.” That needed loud applause. The parallel to 5x03, the trust in his co-leader, everything was perfect. And Russel, being no idiot, recognizes their bond immediately. 

Bellamy promises to bring Madi back and Clarke agrees. Their past differences have been pushed aside; she trusts him to take care of her child. The affinity with which they look at each other from afar proves their deep connection. 

The rest of the episode

Raven and Murphy's insults are getting old, can we please move on from this. Clarke, on the other hand, is amazing. Her adversity towards Murphy, reminding him he did bad things too, deserves a pat on the back. The refusal to bow before Russel earns her instant respect. She’s strong, fierce and vibrant and you’ve just got to love her. As well as Sanctum’s breathtaking landscapes, except for the clear atrocity it hides.

Our female lead’s first encounter with a dog was the cutest thing ever and then she descends the steps in a red dress. Clarke (or Eliza Taylor) is gorgeous and I’m willing to bet the blue one will ensure even more dropping jaws, hopefully Bellamy’s as well.

She handles the dinner with Russel with easy diplomacy, which she lacked when confronting Indra about the worms. Until she’s ambushed with her morally grey past. What does one say to this? Ultimately they decide the earthlings are dangerous based on stories they haven’t witnessed firsthand. I guess that’s reasonable.

Just a side note, I haven’t liked Abby for a long time, but her nurturing and pep talks are starting to change my mind. We’ll see how it goes.

On the dropship, we learn about the dark commander, whom we’ve already encountered in the trailer. I can’t place him in a box just yet, need some more information. Madi’s sarcasm towards Diyoza is delightful, seeing as Diyoza is the queen of quip. 

The Colonel’s skills and observations never cease to amaze. That knife throwing accuracy - wow! She is one of my favorite characters and I’ve bought a front-row seat to the Octavia/Diyoza partnership now that they’re both outcasts.

Gabriel’s children seem harmless, albeit weird. They want the old man to return and yell, “Get the prime, get the prime!” Now, I’m assuming they require a nightblood to bring Gabriel back; the reason why they abduct Delilah and Rose, but I can’t figure out the second moon’s function.

Luckily, Clarke takes action and saves Delilah but the outsiders run off with Rose. I wish I could say the rescue mission is the reason Russel is letting them stay, but I believe it’s her blood. He has his eye on her and if that requires salvation for her people, he’d gladly bestow them.

Term and conditions apply. No more of them, which includes Indra who is still in cryo. When will she make her appearance? I miss her. And what will happen to Diyoza’s baby?

To wrap up, I’ve seen a lot of people’s comments on Bellamy’s reluctance towards Echo’s hug at the end. I see him smiling at her? I’d love to hear your thoughts and theories.

[thehauntrpg-blog]

Name: Reilly Joseph Carmody Age Range: 32 Gender: Male Pronouns: He/Him Occupation: Priest at the Church of St. Anthony of Padua Status: TAKEN by jules

You are a Shepherd of God’s flock, and you lead yours lovingly, no matter how small your flock may be, no matter how far they stray. Sallybrook is a town further from God’s light than you had ever thought possible, but nevertheless, you persist. You always thought your faith unshakeable, a concrete foundation built on the skeletons you hide, protecting you from the world — God’s light keeps you pure. Following the Godly path was the less frightening of two evils, and you’ve always been more petrified of telling the truth than preaching it. You wrapped yourself in a clerical collar and locked out any truths you couldn’t bear to face. Maybe that makes you a hypocrite, but you’re still doing good work, God’s work. You want to save souls, but this place… this place is wicked, wickeder than you’d ever imagine, and when tragedy strikes, a tragedy that, for a town like this, is as inevitable as the sunrise, you start to wonder if there are shadows even He cannot reach.

Isaiah: You hate to think of anyone as a “black sheep”. No one is truly lost, just… led astray. And to you, they’re a member of your flock that’s wandered, that’s gotten lost, that needs love and guidance and faith to come back to Him. You’ve got a little collection of stray sheep, and it started with them. Your door is always open, and they’ve crossed that threshold several times, looking for spiritual guidance, spiritual conversation… solidarity. You can’t offer them as much as they need. You can’t offer them everything you have, and that makes you feel guilty — and you think, maybe they can see through you. Not clearly. You’ve learned how to keep different things close to chest, smothered under your clerical collar, but you think they’ve spotted some of your hypocrisy. If you want to serve Him, you have to bring them back to God, but you don’t think you can bring them back to God without betraying Him, and that’s an impossible choice to make.

Alice: They welcomed you to Sallybrook with open arms, making you feel at home in one of the most alienating places you’ve ever been. You held their hand while they held his, and handed them the paper that would make him theirs; you also held their hand as they waited for him to return, letting their nails dig into your skin when he didn’t. They’re devout, and that draws them to you, but you’re the same and worlds apart all at once. They shook your faith, and now, you can’t preach honestly. You've never hesitated in telling your flock that God is Good, God is Kind, God is Gracious — but how can you look them in the eye and say that when you know, firsthand, that what they've experienced is a Godless act?

tw: Internalized homophobia, religious homophobia, religious conflict.

You were the fourth of seven children — “Seven’s a lucky number, you know,” is what your father said when someone commented on his brood. Seven might’ve been lucky, sure, but it was an odd number, and you were the odd one out as long as you can remember. Your eldest siblings, Kiara and Dylan, the twins, were closer than close. Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum, your mother would tease affectionately. You remember hours of car rides spent listening to them bicker about which one Dum was. Your older brother Jamie was always popular, well-loved and athletic, playing hockey and football as soon as he could walk. Your little brother Conor was quiet but intense, as good a hockey player as Jamie, and took to mechanics even better than your dad. And then your two little sisters, Catherine and Chloe, close in age and in general, were too young for you to really relate to, and even if you tried, they seemed to speak their own language. So you stood alone.

Growing up, you weren’t… good at making friends. Not with other kids, at least. You were too sensitive and too independent for your own good — you sat inside with your Sunday school teacher, doing advanced bible study by yourself, while the other kids played outside, laughing and screaming so loud you thought it’d make your head explode. You always got along with older people, though. Your Sunday school teacher, your reverend, your regular teachers and your boy scout leader — they all adored you. But other children thought you were strange. When you were seven, your father told you why, and you’d never forget what he’d said: “You’re too soft. You’re too sensitive. You’re too… you. Be a little more like the rest of them, think a little more like the rest of them, that’s how you’ll get on.” He was right.

You were too sensitive when you were little, but you were smart enough to learn how to use it. Feeling for others was overwhelming, until you turned the dimmer down on your feelings; you built up a dam to stop it from flooding you. You quickly discovered that there was a power in knowing how others felt without feeling it yourself. You learned how to blend, how to act like they did, smother your own impulses and desires to follow the crowd, and combined with your quick mind and quirky charm, you started to lead the pack. You were never good at sports, but you were good at other things, and got as much as you could out of that — your magnetism and wit made you an ideal class president, and you were, six years running, all through middle and high school. You lead the school’s bible study, and was the go-to tutor for Religion class, your own devout nature making you a walking encyclopedia when it came to Biblical questions.

Devout was both an understatement and an overstatement, a duality that’s split you open your whole life. You were, unquestionably, a Catholic family growing up. Big, Irish, Godly. Church every Sunday, Confession like clockwork. You always had your shoes shined the shiniest, your hair the neatest, your smile the brightest of all your siblings, and your parents loved you for it. As far you fell short of their expectations, you were always their most faithful son. You’d never tried to miss Church, and you were always more than happy to participate, going from altar boy to leading the youth ministry. And you were a believer — how could you not be? You were raised to. God was in everything; He was ingrained in the fabric of your world. You truly believed, and you wanted others to feel as strongly as you did. But — you were also good at it.

You liked reading the Bible growing up. Your father’s den had a massive bible on this ornate golden stand, one you’re certain he rarely read, but one you spent countless hours flipping through. You liked hearing about Jesus’s teaching, liked reading the stories and learning the lessons. More than that, though, you liked the rules. You were the boy who always read the instructions booklet before starting a board game, who read the whole manual before daring to take a new toy out of its box — you liked to know. You liked boundaries, you liked guidelines, you liked how every piece of life could be codified, an answer to (almost) every question — it made sense, and it made a complicated, frustrating world make sense.

You were good at it, and you liked it, too. The pews of your church was more home to you than your living room couch. You never truly felt like you were part of your family — your father and siblings made sure of that. You were close with your mother, but she was exhausted, raising seven children, and only had so much time. But you were the only child who showed up early to Mass and returned late, just because you wanted to talk to the reverend for a little while longer. The parish staff became a second family; Mrs. Byrne taught you how to play the piano like she did for each hymn, and you would talk through lunch and halfway to dinner with Father Murray, asking question after question about anything you could think of. They paid attention to you. You realized you could find love, family, acceptance through the Church.

It was hardly a surprise when, at only fourteen, you first brought up entering the priesthood. It was a big decision, but it seemed almost natural for you, a born Biblical scholar. Your parents were encouraging, though your mother hesitated before embracing the idea fully. She, more than your father, asked you to consider your options carefully; to become a priest was not a decision to be taken lightly, it wasn’t just some job. She told you not to make any choices until after high school at least, though urged you to wait until you finished college before committing fully. You took her concerns to heart, and spent most of your four years of high school trying to make up your mind.

The final push came when your childhood best friend came out as gay. There’d always been something between the two of you — you had few friends, but he was your first, if only because of proximity. It started as the inevitable friendship of same-age next-door neighbours, but blossomed into something more; a meeting of kindred spirits, maybe. He was bookish and smart like you, but sweet, more easygoing than you’d ever been. You complimented one another, and that’s what made your friendship good. You first kissed at fifteen, tearful and afraid on the floor of his bedroom, door blocked by a chair. It was grazing touches, close-lipped kisses, so innocent it made you feel perverse. You couldn’t handle it. You couldn’t handle him telling people about him, because it could trigger assumptions about you — and if that happened, everything would come crashing down. The framework of your world, the rules you organized yourself around, would fall to pieces. For years, you kept the part of you that loved him and the part of you that loved Him completely separate, but when he came out, you had to give one up. You sacrificed him to stay in God’s light.

You’ve only acknowledged yourself as gay once. It was in your last year at Brown, applying to Harvard Divinity School. You were both an obvious Ivy Leaguer and absolutely not made for it at all. Your classic, Christian, all-American look and solemn, bookish nature masked the desperation you suspect lived in all of your classmates, the need for acceptance and prestige and recognition. You needed to go to HDS. You needed to become a priest. It was a key part of maintaining the elaborate net that was your life — if any strand broke, it would send you plummeting. You put a pen to paper, and for the first and only time in your life, you wrote: “I’m gay.” Maybe it was bullshit, pulling out your sob story, trying to use it to maneuver yourself to where you wanted to be, but that’s how you operated, and it worked. It worked, because you built from a kernel of truth. You did want to know how to balance your Catholic faith and your gay identity, you wanted to know how you could love God and He could love you when you also loved other men, you wanted to ask if there was a place for gay men in the Church, in the ministry, in the pews or in front of the parish. You wanted to know if there was any way for you not to hate yourself without losing your faith.

You wanted to know all of it, and that, you think, is why they let you in, but you weren’t brave enough to be the one to ask those questions.

Still, you excelled, and once you graduated with your MDiv, you started working in congregations around Massachusetts. Your first was in Cambridge, as a youth minister in one of the churches you did your practicums in; they loved you so much they demanded you do your practical training there. You excelled, your focus being reaching out to at-risk youth, providing programming, support and resources. From there, you moved to a congregation in Boston, and started an at-risk youth program that provided housing, food and educational supports in a faith-based environment. Your interest in social justice and social work made you a natural fit for that kind of environment, and you led with grace. Your superiors recognized your natural aptitude for working in difficult environments, and commended you for letting your faith lead you to those who needed you most. The first time you led a sermon on your own, your entire family drove all the way to Boston to see you, to pray with you, and you’d never seen your father so proud. It filled you, reinforced the feeling that you were doing the right thing. You saw your parents, your brothers and sisters, your nieces and nephews, all sitting in the pews, looking up at you with so much pride, and you realized this was the only path you could’ve taken. There never was any other option.

You spent six years in Boston, and whenever you came home to visit, you were your family’s pride. After all, there was no greater joy in a Catholic family than to have a priest for a son. You devoted your life to fulfilling a Godly path — and it wasn’t like your parents ever had to worry about grandkids, your siblings more than happy to take that on. The heat was off of you. As long as you kept the collar on, you would be the best son they could ask for.

Last year, your Bishop pulled you aside to speak privately. You felt a rush of panic when he asked to speak to you in confidence; while you’d gained the attention of your superiors within your church, you’d never been singled out by someone so powerful in that way, and for just a brief moment, you were afraid. You were afraid they found out… what? You were afraid they found something, anything, that could bring it all down — but it was just the opposite. Despite your youth, they wanted you to lead your own parish. The reverend of the congregation in question had just retired unexpectedly, and this church was… a special case. It required a delicate hand. Terrible things happened in this town, ungodly things. Witchcraft and devilry abound. You were surprised; you didn’t think this could possibly still be an issue anywhere in America, but he was gravely insistent when he asked you to take it seriously, and consider whether you were spiritually prepared to take on such a difficult task. You’d seen fifteen-year-olds come to you overdosing, helped countless homeless kids, watched your flock disappear to the streets or worse. You’d seen some terrible things, and you were still stronger in your faith than anyone thought possible. You were the only one they could think of to take on the Church in Sallybrook, and you agreed.

When you moved to Sallybrook, you weren’t expecting it to be… what it was. It was a normal town, sleepy, picturesque. But you knew what they meant. This place was out of God’s light. You felt a darkness as soon as you stepped foot in your new parish. But a woman greeted you, introducing herself as Alice, telling you she’d be your guide. She was your first friend, and helped you fall in step with this little town. You got to know your congregation quickly, and realized that it was an uphill battle you had to fight. People were afraid, they were grieving, they were hurting, and you didn’t understand any of it. You weren’t privy to a full understanding of the Haunt until it happened. By then, it was too late. You’d become entangled in Sallybrook’s weeds, and you couldn’t leave. Not after he disappeared.

Sam Davis was a sweet boy, one you saw often in Mass, heard running around the school. He’d grown close with Alice, and because of that, you got to know him too. He was part of the Church’s foster program, and it was your approval (in a committee, of course) that allowed Alice to adopt him properly. You handed her the papers yourself. And then, he disappeared. Whisked away, vanished without a trace. Gone, like he’d never been here in the first place. You stared at his empty seat in the first row of pews, the first Sunday mass after he went missing, and your voice shook. You spoke about God’s strength, His love, His plan — but for the first time in a long time, you questioned your faith.

It took you the year to build yourself up again, but now, you feel the same creeping fear as the rest of Sallybrook. You might not know quite what it is, or believe in the stories surrounding it, but you know it’s getting closer, and it’s going to take another child, ruin another family, whittle away at the hope and faith of this town. You’ve never known loss like this, and you can hardly bear being embroiled in it. You don’t want another one of your flock picked off. You don’t want to lose them. But you don’t know if you’re strong enough to lead.

[sharingshane-blog]

Why the Bloody Hell a Christian!?

I am religious, self-identifying Christian.  This part of me has had significant influence in whom I am today.  It is not something that I discuss often; yet, it is also not something I keep secret either.  It does usually take people by surprise to learn this fact about me.  I just finished writing a blog post about one of my idols, Emma Goldman, who was a staunch atheist.  I am transgender and bisexual, and I believe it is okay for me to live fully and authentically as myself.  I have date men, women, and non-binary folks happily and without remorse.  I am a steadfast leftist and a large critic of the church not just in the United States but around the world too.  I am also a critic of organized religion in general. I usually advice against looking for savior figures.  That is in part how dictators come to power.  I have extremely close atheist and agnostic friends.  I also have Muslim, Jewish, and even Satanist friends. I have also suffered abuse and ostracization from my church growing up which contributed to a lot of the psychological issues that I possess today.  I do also agree that the Bible does contain homophobic, ethnocentric, sexist, and genocidal content.  It also contains slave apology, human sacrifices, and rape defenses.  So, the question that may be running through your head at this point may be, “Why would you identify as a Christian?”

Well, let me start with why I do not talk about my Christian faith that often.  It is rooted solely in the way people perceive me when I talk about my faith than what I say about my faith.  Since Christianity is so mainstream in the United States, there is already widespread knowledge about the basics of the religion.  When Christians give out little booklets saying, “Did you know Jesus—?” it comes off like they are insulting the intelligence of anyone who is not perceived to be with the “in-group.”  I think sometimes many Christians lose sight of the fact that anyone outside their small group of other think-alike Christians are just as human and capable of cogitative reasoning as them.  Many people outside the realm of Christianity know the basic tenets of the Christian faith, and many even know and understand the Bible better than most self-identifying Christians.  Evangelism in the sense of educating people about the basics of the faith is essentially unnecessary in the United States, and I want to avoid coming off as an evangelist to other people.  When I speak about my faith, I do not want others to perceive me as that evangelist.  I want to communicate that I believe they are intelligent individuals with their own interpretations of spirituality that are completely based on valid perspectives of the world.  It is demeaning and degrading the way most Christians interact with others outside their little Christian in-group.  

Furthermore, there is a level of stigma growing against Christians on the left.  I am a leftist and potentially communist even.  Most of my friends are self-identified as atheist or agnostic.  Also, many of them have dealt with real abuse from the church in the past.  This is also true of my LGBTQ+ friends.  Unfortunately, in these groups, sometimes I must minimize my references to the Bible because it could potentially trigger traumatizing memories.  I can empathize since have also experienced trauma from the church, and I have a difficult time with Christianized language and contemporary worship music. I rather speak of Christianity in a deep philosophical way or in an extremely pragmatic way.  Enough with the bullshit abstract concepts with no explanation redundantly displayed in every single church!  I get that Jesus loves me, a basic tenet of Christianity.  But what does it mean for him to love me? What is love?  Does his love have limits?  But back to the trauma stuff.  Since the church has hurt these communities quite repeatedly in the past, it is absolutely understandable that individuals in these communities have built a stealthy resentment towards Christianity as a whole.  I have been an agnostic twice and sometimes I really do doubt whether I want to be associated with the label “Christian.”  I do possess strong convictions despite minimizing how much I discuss it.  It does still play an instrumental role in my life.

Back to the original question, “Why the bloody hell am I still a Christian?”  Before I move forward, I will not and cannot give objective evidence for the existence of God and specifically the Christian God.  I am aware that many of my views are dogmatic and originate from anecdotal observations rather than factual content.  Many intellectuals cannot agree on a solid argument for the existence of God, so do not expect such an unrealistic feat from me.  If you were to go down the route of a strictly logical path I would say that agnosticism is probably the most reasonable conclusion based on factual evidence.  The best arguments from the perspective of theism are abductive arguments, arguments that attempt to give the best possible explanation for a phenomenon.  Occam’s Razor, the simplest explanation taking into account all the facts is the best explanation, is the method in which to find the best possible explanation for a phenomenon thereby strengthening an abductive argument.  For example, our ability to comprehend and discover science is one such phenomenon in which arguably the best explanation could be the existence of God or at least intelligent designer.  However, there are also many evolutionary explanations for the phenomenon as well.  Next is figuring which is the simplest explanation that also takes into consideration of all known facts.  Abductive arguments never prove that something is objectively true but merely most likely true.  The conclusion is subject to change based on new data that may arise every day.  Only deductive arguments if the premises are true and the conclusion necessarily follows from the premises can give objectively factual conclusions. (Example of a Deductive Argument: If A then B; if B then C, therefore, if A then C).  All of scientific reasoning exists outside of deductive argumentation even scientific discoveries that are blatantly true.

Sorry, I was once a philosophy student, and I hope to return to school again at some point soon (which, by the way. much of my philosophical curiosity stems from my religious background).  My reasons for being a Christian are not objective and not reasons for which you should become a Christian yourself if you are considering the possibility. They are merely justifications for why I consider myself a Christian.  For starters, I deal with intense abandonment issues and chronic feelings of loneliness due to my extensive history of trauma.  The belief in a loving and caring God who will never abandon me has helped fill those gaps.  Of course, that does not mean that I don’t question the reason I have experienced so much evil if such a God exists unless I potentially deny his omnipotence.  That is a valid question.  I remember though, years ago, I was dangerously suicidal and was taken to the hospital. While waiting for a bed to open in the psychiatric hospital, the doctors put me in a secluded room with no intellectual stimulation, just blank white walls, for about 22 hours.  About maybe 16 to 18 hours in and eventually someone gave me a magazine that I would normally not have expressed any sort of interest in except under dire circumstances such as that.  My friend who dropped me off at the hospital is Catholic (one of the good ones) and she gave me a rosary as a source of strength.  I hid it under my scrubs so as the cameras that were watching my 24/7 would not pick it up.  In the room next to me, there was an older man who was belligerent and violent against the nurses.  He made quite a ruckus all night, and it was frankly triggering and disturbing.  I thought I was losing a sense of myself. I clutched tightly to that rosary all night long.  After an ambulance transported me to the psychiatric hospital the next day, two nurses stripped searched me which of course meant that they took the rosary from my hands.  I cried profusely because I felt like that was the only part of myself that I had left. So, there is definitely a sense of identity and strength I get from being a Christian; it is at the very least useful or practical for me to identify as a Christian.  Christianity, particularly the scriptures involving Jesus, is also the reason why I am a leftist today.  It is also surprisingly the reason I became more accepting of the LGBTQ+ community after my extremely conservative upbringing.  Acts describes the early church, pre-Constantine’s conversion in 312 A.D., as being strongly communally based.  People shared food, shelter, and clothing with one another and no one went without.  This strikingly sounds like an anarcho-communist utopia.  The understanding of Jesus as the Son of God was of the upmost importance, and Jesus’ denouncing of the ethnocentric ideology of Jewish religious leaders telling his disciples to go out and tell the world about him brought the gentiles into the community with him.  One of the first recorded converts in the Bible was a eunuch from what is modern Ethiopia.  It was not only a gentile but also a sexual minority.  Jesus had a strong message about community and non-judgmental stance towards others.  He rebuked people who valued power and wealth over other people.  This particularly included the rich, religious leaders, and other people of power.  He told a rich man to give away all his possessions to enter the Kingdom of Heaven which the man left distraught.  He healed the servant of the Roman centurion and it is highly likely according to Biblical scholars that they were in a homosexual relationship given the historical precedent of that time.  Jesus is crucial and central to the Christian faith.  Christianity does not exist without him.  Why else would it be call CHRIST-ianity?  And of course, modern-day Jews and Muslims at the very least recognize Jesus as a great prophet (The Koran also states that Christians and Jews will also be rewarded in heaven alongside Muslims).  What sets Christianity apart is that one of the most basic tenets of Christianity is the belief in the divinity of Jesus Christ.  When looking at Christianity, what is essential is looking through the lens of Jesus when interpreting the rest of scripture, what is human-informed and what objectively divine.  I believe that much of the Bible is divine to an extent but at times grossly misconstrued by human beings.  Christianity has been interpreted in ways in which have wielded immense good and immense harm today.  In other words, it is easy to imagine that this would be true for the history of the Judeo-Christian faith.  It has been used today to justify genocides, but it has also been used to build free clinics for people who do not have access to healthcare (the church I have been attending).  Religion can be extremely dangerous if interpreted in a grotesque way with self-interest plaguing one’s reasoning.  I do not think; however, it is something necessarily intrinsically wrong with religion.

I will probably do more blog posts on this topic, specifically on queerness and the Bible.  With how I interpret the Bible, I can easily justify living openly queer.  I will give a brief synopsis in how I justify the way I live in light of being a Christian.  Most of the verses which speak against homosexuality are in extremely specific sections with absurd rules such as never defend your husband in a fight by grabbing other man’s penis or washing yourself three times after a nocturnal ejaculation.  Maybe, the most substantive verse would be from Paul in Romans and Corinthians; however, Paul has also said that women should never speak in a place of worship which even by most conservative Evangelical Christian standards is too sexist.  We are talking about an extensive history of patriarchy and ethnocentrism, wanting desperately to separate their culture from other cultures by committing genital mutilation and refraining from homosexual acts plaguing the society for many centuries.  The Bible was exclusively written by men in this context trying to interpret something divine.  I do not believe the Bible is inerrant.  The Bible gives little insight in terms of varying gender identities.  It speaks against transvestitism a “crime” one cannot commit if they identify with the gender that they are attempting to express. Transvestitism does not equal transgenderism and equating the two would be an invalidation of a person’s gender identity since you are insinuation that a transgender man for example is really just a woman presenting as a man instead of a man in his own right.  But furthermore, with the increased greater understanding that sexual orientation and gender identity is rooted in one’s being and not a lifestyle which someone follows by their own volition, one must consider the idea of whether anyone could be excluded from Jesus’ community based on some uncontrollable trait.  The obvious answer to this is no, and most conservative Christians would agree with the premise.  However, they either deny queerness is an innate trait, or that it is a mental illness, or a trait that must be suppressed.  The third is absurd, because you would never tell someone to be a specific race in order to be accepted in the Christian community.  It a trans-woman is a woman, then there is no way to change the fact that she is a woman.  Even if she dresses masculine and never medically transitions, she is still a woman. She would actually be cross-dressing technically!  Since gender has to do with one’s internal identity and not necessarily one’s presentation, no matter how much she tries, even if she comes off as a man is not a man. Telling people to suppress their identity has only led to a mental health crisis in the queer community and high suicidal rates.  Is a God who tells people to suppress a portion of themselves that he presumably created for no other purpose but the prospect of getting to heaven one day truly loving?  I would argue not.  I would go as far to say that if you do believe that queer people should suppress themselves, there is the insinuation that God wants to make certain people suffer unnecessarily (unnecessarily is key here, not that we should never have challenges, but we should never have to suffer unnecessarily) and does not truly love certain people.  That last bit is a heretical statement.  

Phew!  That was a lot and thank you for bearing with me through all of it.  Thank you for your time and your patience when reading all of this.  Sorry if it mostly sounded like a bunch of thoughts loosely stringed together.  That is essentially what my life is at this point. I hope from this you may have been able to get a different perspective of what it might mean for someone to be a Christian or why I am still a self-identified Christian.  I also hope that you have been able gain a better understanding of me.  Maybe you have more respect for me or maybe you have lost all respect for me.  Either one is fine.  You may have whatever opinion you want of me.  I have heard it all: delusional, deceived, misled, crazy, etc. That is okay.  It is sad though in the midst of trying so desperately to fight for a completely egalitarian society.  I am comfortable for the most part with the label.  I have found a church that accepts my gender identity using correct name and pronouns.  I had the fortune of being in the church when I came out, so most of the parishioners knew my birthname but still switched out of respect for me at the very least. The official church directory has my preferred name there.  Not every individual is accepting, but the vast majority are including the priest who defended me when someone made some transphobic comments using scripture.  The church has been a source of slow healing for me from all the abuse and trauma I have experienced, and they have helped me during some dark times such as when I was homeless and hungry.  That is what the church is meant to be, a place of safety and love.  I have broken down in tears before during some of the services out of being so overwhelmed by the kindness and acceptance I got from them as opposed to people in my past. In fact, they were more accepting of me than my job who just cut my hours more and I eventually lost the job soon after coming out publicly.  After my abusive ex-boyfriend from back when I thought I was cisgender and straight became a full-blown fascist, I decided to dedicate my life to loving others. This is where it has brought me so far, a staunch Christian leftist.