#they were originally gonna be snarkier but

[misstoodles-doodles]

Arc Trooper Fives & Echo ✨

[thattimdrakeguy]

Yikes

I blocked the anon, because I got the feeling that they don’t wanna chat, they just wanna rant at me (I’ve dealt with anons before that’s had the same type of language used, and it never ended well before), but there’s a difference between development, and just ignoring how the character is to do what ever you want.

The early arc of Red Robin was character development.

I didn’t like how they tried to develop it, I felt they did for reasons that wasn’t benefiting the actual character in the long run after a while, I felt it only happened because the people that run DC seems to be obsessed with the edgy and wanted to change Tim more into their ideal, hence why my blog doesn’t focus on it despite being Tim and I love Tim, but that early arc is character development.

Had a reason, a spawning point, felt connect to Tim’s past, it’s character development.

Tim had to deal with a lot, he had a mental breakdown, he felt he was losing his sanity, but he was hopeful deep down on his belief that Bruce was alive and felt he could find Bruce, and got a little darker in the process because he felt that’s what he had to do to find him.

He’s been shown to act out before in times of high stress, and this is just that but amplified. 

When Bruce betrayed his trust after having to deal with a bunch of other bull, he got violent on a crook, and after an hour he was over it (mostly), but the events that made Red Robin happen was more than an hour, this was a life changing event, and he changed for it, but there was a spawning point for that type of behavior.

It was character development.

Rebooting the entirety of the DC universe and being unable to understand the basics of the character and instead doing what ever you want isn’t character development.

Tim’s original origin is being a naive, (mostly) neglected kid that was there when the Flying Grayson’s dropped, and later on seeing on the news that Robin was able to do the same exact trick Dick could do, put the pieces together. Later on after following Batman and Robin’s journey on the news and in the papers, he realized Batman got more violent after Robin disappeared, and Jason died. So he sought out Dick to hopefully convince him to become Robin again, and when that didn’t work out, he became Robin, because he felt Batman needed a Robin. A somewhat naive belief, but it is comics, where a man dressed as a Bat is enough to terrify criminals into crapping themselves and not just being strangely confused.

Tim’s New 52 origin is that of an Olympic level gifted athlete and hacker that came from a supporting family that had the desire to go beyond Olympic level athletics because it wasn’t enough for him and wanted to become Batman’s sidekick because he figured he could do it, so he hacked into Penguin’s bank accounts to get back at him, and that ended up with his parents nearly dying from his gang. Making his parents have to go into witness protection, and allowed Batman (who was paying attention to him and his athletics) to make him his new sidekick.

It’s an entirely different origin.

That’s not character development.

Tim’s behavior stemmed from being naive and having a big heart. Even when he got older and more mature, there was still that naive part of him that believed stuff he probably shouldn’t have. His naive judgement was just something he occasionally got lucky on like Bruce, and was more intense like with that and believing he could clone Conner back into existence. It was just more intense from spawning from depressed and miserable feelings.

On the flip side, new 52 Tim showed apathetic behavior on a few occasions, and seemed to believe he was always right no matter what. Making them quite different characters.

There isn’t even the excuse to add that it was a different time. Batman having to turn campy in the 50s and 60s was because it was a highly sensitive time to allow their kids to see and read such violence, hence it was calmed down. Even from all the way back in the 30s, the reason why comics began to slowly become more sophisticated art was because people’s tastes where becoming more sophisticated.

There was no reason like that for changing Tim’s personality and origin, only from lack of care or understanding, A.K.A. not character development., or even changing with the times. Just neglecting to care enough about the character to understand them and how they function. 

Which is why I make posts in a negative light about it, because it’s not a positive thing, and I personally feel that the character deserves better, and that DC needs to hire better writers, or at least use the right writers for the right jobs instead of continuing to not care as they seem to do.

and reading the anon ask back I’m not sure if this was even the point they were trying to make.

They seem to believe that because I like 90s Tim the best, that I ignore everything after and call it trash, but I don’t. I’m well aware I mostly talk about 90s Tim, and that is my blog theme, but that’s because that’s what I like the best. It’s not a statement on everything that came after.

My statements on the quality on the things after stem from the specific things I state the shortage of quality comes from.

Like New 52 Tim, Rebirth Tim, out of character moments, etc.

but I’m assuming this guy wanted to take it the wrong way enough to send me an ask to insult the character I like, and make irrelevant statements as if they sent it to the wrong guy.

and if you don’t like Tim as a character.

I genuinely do not care. I don’t think someone that’s gonna send me a snotty as that doesn’t understand the person they’re talking too’s reasoning is gonna make me really question my opinion as much as you try to gaslight me.

There’s a difference between a disagreement, and just saying buzzwords and insults stemmed from your subjective viewpoint to try and upset people that happen to disagree with you.

I just genuinely think Tim’s a great character.

There’s something about a character who’s just trying their dang best to make people that they adore happy, even when they don’t have the natural talent because they think it’s the right thing to do. To see a kid and his naive beliefs get tested as he goes on life threatening adventures, is very interesting and fun to read for me. To see how this insecure dorky kid deals with not being the best fighter in situations that require good fighting, can be fun, and to see how he deals with failure when he has so much weight that he puts on his shoulders is interesting for me.

To see them struggle to do what they want, trying to move along despite the pains their personal life can give them, all while being a relatively normal kid with school and friend groups that adds light drama on top of it, is something that I enjoy reading, because it gives me something to attach too and read forward to see more of.

He’s like Peter Parker in a lot of ways, does what they do because it’s the right thing to do in their heart, they’re geeky so they’re relatable to the audience that can either look back on their time as a kid and relate to it or are still a kid, they have their personal lives that get in the way of their hero life which causes some headache inducing problems for them, but despite the struggles they continue to try and move on as it takes more of a toll on them.

Peter Parker’s still snarkier, Tim’s more internal, Peter’s more confident as Spider-Man, Tim’s more insecure, Peter’s normally by himself with no one to look up too besides his Uncle Ben, Tim looks up to two heroes that are always looking out for him and have legacies he has to uphold.

But in the ways that made them engaging reads for people, they’re similar, and Tim back then was very successful, even if he was just a sidekick.

You just don’t seem to like that kind of character.

Or you couldn’t attach yourself to Tim the way I have.

and you know what?

That’s okay.

People have different tastes all the time. Some people like edgier characters, some people like the more cartoony ones, and other ones like the obscure versions of characters that don’t correlate with the rest of their character history.

It’s just how people are.

But don’t come into my ask box to come off like you’re acting like you’re superior for saying a couple of vague statements that are completely irrelevant to me, just to insult my favorite character in the end.

You won’t see this, I blocked you, but it’s a nice lesson to learn about how to act to people online.

You aren’t superior because you treat yourself as so.

You’re just another guy online without a face people can see.

[sorceressmidnight]

Midnight Sorceress

Chapter: 2/? [1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - ?]

Chapter 2: You’re Gonna Get Yourself Killed

Words: 2265

Warnings: Some cursing, mentioning depression and medication

Primarily following the events of the Marvel Cinematic Universe, it revolves around an original character.

Description as posted on ao3:  A member of SHIELD is forced to struggle with her mental stability and keeping her secret as the craziness surrounding the Avengers crashes around her. She ends up befriending Tony and Pepper, who help out her mental health a great deal, but will they be able to help her with her secret? Something that could destroy her if she uses it too much… What will happen when Tony tries to convince her to use it to help the Avengers?

Read on ao3: here

Tags: @txnystarkimagines @h0bsyrup

Hit me up if you want to be tagged in future chapters.

This chapter takes place a bit before, during, and a bit after Iron Man 3.

Kiana pulled her hair behind her ear as she stared at the door quietly, sighing and lifting her hand to knock against it anxiously; she wondered if he would even answer. There was a minute or so of silence before she could hear shuffling inside and footsteps towards the door. It opened up to a disheveled Tony Stark, but not in the ‘I just had sex’ way she might have expected. He didn’t look like he had just woken up from a night of fun or the likes, but rather… he looked almost… afraid? Her chest tightened, recognizing the oh so familiar look immediately. “Hello? Oh… Hi.” “Kiana.” “Hm?” he questioned quickly. “My name is Kiana. Everyone calls me Kiki.” “Oh… Well, what brings you here, Kiki?” he seemed to straighten himself up a bit as she stood there, brushing through his hair with his fingers and adjusting his shirt so it fit on him a little better. “I was hoping that maybe I could sit down and talk?” She offered a small smile, fidgeting with the edge of her shirt. “Sure, but I dunno what you’d wanna talk to me about.” He held his arm out, gesturing for her to come inside, letting her walk in first before closing the door. She made her way over to the couch and sat down, patiently waiting for him. Tony put himself down in a chair across from her, leaning forward a bit while resting his hands in his lap. “So…” she began, extending the length of the sounds for both the s and o. “So.” “What’s up?” That was the dumbest question she could have asked at the current moment in time. It didn’t relate to anything she actually wanted to talk about, let alone give any sort of actual reasoning as to why she came. A heavy sigh heaved from her chest, licking her bottom lip as she struggled to form her thoughts into audible words. Her brows knitted together, opening her mouth a couple of times only to close it once again. “Do you know what a panic attack is?” she finally managed to get out. His own brows arched slightly as her eyes met with his, pursing his lips in brief thought, “You mean… like when people start to freak out… and rock back and forth? Screaming or crying kind of thing…?” “That’s the neurotypical way to talk about it, Tony,” she gave a soft smile, “panic and anxiety attacks are different per person. For instance... some people end up crying uncontrollably, struggling to breathe, shaking, chest tightening, while their thoughts are racing yet not making any sense. While for some… they struggle to move, the world seems like a blur, slurred speech, nothing happened but everything’s wrong... ” Her words held a certain tone to them, swallowing harshly as she avoided eye contact with him. “That sounds like it’s from personal experience,” he said, his tone a bit softer than his normal snarky one. She sighed, looking back in his direction, “Yes. I personally experience panic attacks, as well as anxiety attacks. Let me tell you, just the two different emotions cause severely different reactions… The first I described was how I experience a panic attack… while the second is how I experience an anxiety attack...” He paused, staring down at his hands and taking a minute to think over what she had explained to him. It… sounded so familiar, but different. What she said resonated with him on a level he didn’t expect it to. “I’m sorry…” he finally responded. “For what?” “I’m sorry you’ve had to go through something to cause that…” “It kind of happens when you experience trauma… One thing that’s caused mine have been near death experiences… So I… I kind of know how you might feel…” she gave an awkward smile. “To be fair, I’m sorry for what you’ve been through… I know you’ve lost a lot and almost died a number of times… Aside from my near death experiences… I’ve had a decent life growing up, but I know no matter how hard you try, mental problems tear you up without hesitation.” “I see… What’s all this about, though?” he asked, curious to get down to the point. She was here for a reason, but he wanted to know why. “I guess... I just wanted to let you know that you have someone to talk to when you’re feeling overwhelmed… I’m not a therapist, but I am a good listener.” “Well,” Tony began, standing up, “I appreciate the sentiment, but I don’t need it. If I do, I’ll keep that in mind.” He extended out his hand, offering to help her up as he added in, “In the meantime, care for lunch?” “At least you’ll consider it,” she sighed. She reached up and took his offer, pulling herself to her feet. “Lunch sounds great,” she smiled.

I… I tried talking to Tony, but he’s definitely not willing to open up and talk about his problems… not yet, at least… I just hope he realizes he needs to talk to someone about all of this before something stupid happens, since that seems to be a common theme with him… I suppose I’ll have to keep an eye on him for the time being, just to see how he’s faring...

It was shortly after Tony taunted the Mandarin on television, giving out his home address that he received a call from an unfamiliar number. “Hello, I don’t remember giving my number out to blocked ID.” His tone was snarkier than normal, a little more than annoyed at the current moment. “Oh shut it with the snarkiness, Tony! Why the hell did you give out your address like that?! I’ve already set up a safe house for you and Pepper to go to, and I’ll be sending an agent to come help with picking up your things!” her tone was mostly annoyed, with undertones of concern. “Don’t even bother, Kiana,” he grunted, clearly annoyed, “I’m not leaving and that’s final.” “You’re going to get yourself killed, you stupid piece of--” *click* He put his phone on silent, rolling his eyes and continuing his drive home.

Kiana glared forward, mouth agape as she was in the midst of talking, anger boiling inside of her veins. She gripped her phone tightly and threw it against the nearby couch, letting out a muffled scream. “That stupid little… AUGH. I’m gonna kick his snarky little prideful ass from California all the way to New York!!!”

I haven’t heard from Tony since the phone call, but I’ve been paying close attention to everything revolving around him. Dummy always rushes off when his emotions get the better of him. I just hope that he doesn’t do anything to get Pepper in serious trouble, or anyone else for that matter. I hope he comes to his senses soon…

“I’ve been getting migraines since I’ve been on these new pills… Do you think I should get that checked out?” Kiana rubbed her forehead, taking a pain reliever with water. “That depends, is it a serious side effect of the pills?” Sammy mumbled while munching on a strawberry. “I dunno.” “You should see if it is, if it isn’t serious I’m sure it’ll go away. If it’s not a side effect at all, you might wanna go in. Strawberry?” Kiana sighed and took the fruit that had been offered, biting down into half of it as she silently contemplated on what to do. There was a short pause as the two sat in silence, thinking or reading over their own different things. “What’re the pills for?” Sammy finally piped up again. “Depression.” She sighed. “About time. I thought I was going to have to bathe you in alcohol.” “Shut up,” she rolled her eyes, “I was forced to go on a temporary leave after pushing myself too far mentally. I saw a psychiatrist and I’m now in therapy. I just… never had time before.” Sammy sat up and shoved another strawberry into Kiana’s mouth, “bullshit. You were just afraid to get help.” Kiana coughed and struggled to swallow the strawberry, “so are cough you!” “... That’s different.” “You don’t have to be afraid of him…” “I’m not afraid! He’s my dad! I have to listen to what he says!” “Sammy…” Before Sammy had a chance to respond to her, there was a knock on the door. Kiana sighed and stood up, walking over to the door and opening it. On the other side of it was a messy Tony, not disheveled and stressed out like the last time she saw him. “Can we talk?” his eyes peered in towards Sammy then back at Kiana, suggesting they go somewhere else. “Uhm… sure…” she quickly told Sammy that she would be back a bit later, getting a raised eyebrow from her in response. She then turned back towards Tony and walked out the door, closing it behind her and falling him towards somewhere with more privacy. The walk was silent as he led her to another room, Tony flippin on the light and swiftly closing the door and blinds. “I didn’t know we were on these terms,” she half joked, trying to break through the awkward silence. “You were right,” he responded rather quickly with a sigh, “what I did was incredibly stupid and I almost lost Pepper. Both you and Pepper wanted me to leave, but I was too stubborn to agree. I-I…” She gently put a hand on his shoulder, looking up at him with a soft smile, “You didn’t lose Pepper. I think this is just a harsh lesson that needed to be learned. I know you’re never going to be done with the tinkering, but… maybe just take it a step down on the reckless behavior. Use this,” she poked his head, “to reason out this.” She lightly pressed her hand over his heart. “I guess you’re right… Maybe I should take you guys out for dinner.” “So Pepper and I can make fun of you?” He pursed his lips in thought, laughing softly, “Maybe not then.” “I’m kidding! I dunno about Pepper, but I am always on my best behavior,” she stroke an ‘innocent’ pose causing him to shake his head and laugh. “Alright, alright. I’ll send someone to pick you up later,” he opened the door of the room and offered for her to exit first. She strode up to the doorway, stumbling a little, Tony catching her before she had a chance to fall. “You okay?” his brows arched, looking down at her concernedly. “Yeah… I’m just on some new medication. I always get a little weird when I start something new…” “Alright… Just make sure you take care of yourself, got it? We’ll need you around if the world needs saving again.” He winked at her, forcing her to stare quietly at him. The twinkle in his eyes made her realize as she gently punched his chest. “You did not!” “I did. You didn’t strike me as British… or blonde for that matter.” “Oh god, shut up. We’re not talking about that ever again, got it?” She grunted and stood up straight, leaving the room. “How much can you drink before you get drunk?” “I don’t drink, Tony, nice try.” “Really? You should try it makes my life a lot more tolerable,” he chuckled as he closed the door behind him. He walked her back to where she was hanging with her friend before messing her hair up before reminding her of when she needed to be ready by to be picked up. “Yeah, yeah, whatever, dad,” she scoffed, stifling a giggle. “That kind of talk is saved for the bedroom, so~ unless you want to convince Pepper to try being poly…--” “Stop. Anyway, go on before I kink shame you.” She held her hands up in an attempt to shoo him. “So rude, I wouldn’t kink shame you.” “You’ll never know my kinks, so that’s fine.” With each response, Tony got a little further down the hallway, until he finally said “Challenge accepted, then!” from the other end of the hall. This only caused her to shake her head, murmuring ‘oh my god’ under her breath. She went back in the room to find three pizzas on the table with one open next to Sammy, a few slices missing. “Who is buying this time?” she sighed, knowing that she probably spent around thirty to forty bucks. Sammy looked at the card, squinting to read it. “Robert Smith. Remember when I went to the store yesterday? Yeaahh.” “You make a decent amount of money… I have no idea why you feel the need to steal.” “Iunno,” she shrugged, “Two of those are for you, though. Some for now and some for later. I got your favorite~” “That’s like four meals for me.” “Then some for breakfast and lunch tomorrow. Anyway, I heard you’re going on a date with Tony?” Her brows arched, munching on the slice that was currently in her hand. “You said you couldn’t stand him.” “Ohmahgod. First of all, how dare you. Secondly, he’s taken. Third of all, he’s old enough to be my dad. Fourth, well… he’s not a terrible person…” “Hey, ya never know. I know a lot of people younger than you who wanna do all sorts of crazy things with Thor, who’s even older than Tony.” “We’re through with this conversation, Sammy,” before the other could respond, a different piece of pizza floated into her mouth and successfully stopped her from talking for a short while.

[arvandus]

6) something you would go back and change in your writing that it’s too late/complicated to change now

OH MAN. I would go back to the first four chapters of Touch and make Dabi a little meaner/snarkier, and make him more emotionally distant. Like he wouldn’t slip into caring so soon. It’d happen eventually, after chapter 6 happens, but reading back through it I feel like it’d take more time and he’d need that catalystic event to happen first.

But this is also where I remind myself that the first 4 chapters were practically a different story. I originally started it out with the intent of it being an 8-part fluff story that culminated in a soft smut piece. At the time I wasn’t as worried about OOC stuff cuz it was pure shameless self-indulgence that got inspired by a song I heard. 😆

Now it’s transformed into something entirely different. As the chapters progressed, I saw an opportunity to really explore Dabi’s character and ran with it, which is how we got here.

But yeah. I really wish I could go back and change stuff, but I think many of my readers would be sad about that because we’d probably lose some of those early soft moments. So for now I just keep it all in my head. Maybe one day I’ll play with it on my private word docs. But for now I’m just gonna move forward with the story.

This got way longer than intended, oops! Thank you for the ask though, I loved answering!

Feel free to send in more asks!

[theworstbob]

yellin’ at songs: 5.12.2007 & 5.13.2017

the songs that debuted on the billboard chart this week and this week ten years ago

5.12.2007

6) "I'll Stand by You," Carrie Underwood

I completely understand why so many people bought this. I don't think my life was improved by having heard this? But, y'know, it wasn't as melodramatic as I was expecting, maybe I picked the wrong video but it's just a nice well-sung acoustic cover of a song which I'm sure was construed as inspirational for the Idol Gives Back thing (and remembering that this was Idol Gives Back this week, yup, mm-hmm, definitely watched the wrong video), I'm glad there wasn't a thousand things happening, but like 2007 is supposed to provide a nostalgic rush, either consider a song we all knew and loved/hated back in the day or uncover a classic, and listening to this is just... Unnecessary?

8) "Never Again," Kelly Clarkson

The first line of this song is, "I hope the ring you gave to her turns her finger green," which is a hell of a thing to say. One can assess all the reasons why this is the only Kelly Clarkson single to chart in 2007 -- hey remember ten years ago when a record label could win a PR battle with a female artist seeking creative autonomy? Good times! -- but honestly, there's nothing wrong with this song on its own, this is a pretty superb, dark-as-hell break-up song, but it's also the sixth or seventh consecutive Kelly Clarkson breakup song? Like, her discography to this point is "A Moment Like This" and then a shitload of break-up songs, some anthemic, some mournful, and while I get why they would be sick of Kelly Clarkson break-up songs -- worth noting her next big hit was “My Life Would Suck Without You” -- if the 2007 public wasn't willing to hear the dark version of the kind of song Kelly Clarkson does extremely well, that's on them. This song is rad, and while I'm probably not gonna go back and listen to My December, I'm figuring that album is prolly a jam.

28) "Icky Thump," The White Stripes

...Do I have to like this song? I get that I agree with it, and I get that The White Stripes area thing people who like music tend to like, and this is the most I ever enjoyed The White Stripes' whole, y'know, thing (this and “My Doorbell”), but I don’t want to like this song. It’s just, I dunno, Jack White’s this whole person, and I don’t like engaging with that person?

56) "Up to the Mountain," Kelly Clarkson ft./Jeff Beck

yes just like the carrie underwood thing this was a very good american idol performance and like i wanna be snarkier but last week 2007 handed me seven country dude songs and, just, i would take a thousand american idol performances before another week with that many country dudes. given the alternative, this is the greatest thing i could have ever possibly heard.

65) "Signal Fire," Snow Patrol

So like, I graduated high school in 2007, right? That's kind of the connection to these songs, like, these songs would have been the soundtrack to my high school experience if I had friends who listened to pop and/or rap radio. (Hence all the buttrock appreciation in these posts. Like, real talk, Shinedown is a terrible band to which I have such a profound nostalgic connection that I routinely have to rewatch their videos just to be 100% sure that particular Southern rock band doesn't have any Confederate flags in them.) So there's a 10-year reunion coming up which I'm probably not going to go to, but like imagine a 10-year high school reunion. You see your friends. You love your friends! You are all very successful and beautiful! You see the people you hated. You greatly enjoy how fat they got and cheated on they were! You go to the punch bowl for some delicious, fruity punch, and you see the person that sat behind you in chemistry. They seem OK. You mention the crazy weather you've been having recently, and they agree, the weather is crazy. This song is that social interaction. It's a nice Braffcore song that I wasn't thinking about then and am not presently thinking about now.

78) "You Raise Me Up," Josh Groban & The African Children's Choir

...Yeah, so like, no? Thank you! But, no, I'mma sit this one out. I understand that we want different things out of life. I will not get in the way of this song's goals, and I will not invite it to impede mine. But thank you so much for bringing this to me!

84) "If I Was Your Man," Joe

I refuse to actively engage with this song on the grounds that even coming up with this angle for a capsule review required more thought and effort than was put into the writing and recording of this song. This is a middle slider in song form. They couldn't even be bothered to give this artist a name. "Joe." Joe doesn't even stand for anything, he's just a fucking guy named Joe who wants to date someone and enjoy all the attendant benefits. Sometimes, you hear a song, and you're taken to an amazing world or shown a new aspect of life or filled with the inspiration needed to tackle the day's problems, and this song is like, "Meet Joe! Joe's a dude who has a crush on someone," and Joe doesn't say anything or even wave his hand to acknowledge you. He just sits there, moving nothing.

93) "I Don't Need a Man," The Pussycat Dolls

"I don't need a hand if it only wants to grab one thing." In addition to the world, the 2016 presidential election also ruined my ability to enjoy a 10-year-old Pussycat Dolls song. Also, Kara DioGuardi. It makes sense that Kara DioGuardi and Donald Trump would describe the female anatomy in equally clumsy ways. Maybe there was no way for Kara DioGuardi to know that, ten years after this song was published, the term "grab" could reference something other than the ass when used in reference to a woman's body, but she's bad and this song is trash so I'm definitely going to hold it against her.

99) "Sexy Lady," Yung Berg ft./Junior

...I am going to applaud this song for having the audacity of using a "Diamonds Are Forever" sample. Like, Kanye doesn't own the rights to the song, and it's a completely different beat, but it's still kinda weird to turn on a song and say, "Oh, hey, someone used that song as a sample in a song I like a lot more!" And like how are you going to use the "Diamonds Are Forever" sample on a song that isn't about diamonds at all? The song doesn't mention jewely of any kind. Like, I don't know, maybe Yung Berg has always been famously anti-consumerism and I just never bothered learning that about him, but if you're a pop/rap artist in 2007, and you're going to take a sample from an iconic song about material goods, hey, I'm not a songwriter, but maybe write verses about material goods? This is as weird as a song can be without having an ounce of originality.

100) "Wipe Me Down," Lil Boosie ft./Foxx & Webbie

One weird thing about 2007 songs is, so like, when I listen to a song with, say, Lil Yachty on the track, I hear every single disgusting thing Lil Yachty has to say about the things he wants to do to a woman, and which parts of the woman he would prefer to do them to. And then you listen to a 2007 track, and there'll be half a verse missing because the record label was scared that their video would be deleted from the internet if they said the n-word. Apart from the unnecessary censorship, I dunno, this was kind of the standard Southern-pop/rap song. Repetitive to the point you just give in and enjoy it, not really about anything in particular, just annoying enough to be memorable but not annoying enough to be appreciated ironically. There were always gonna be dry spells. 2007 is very much in one, Kelly Clarkson notwithstanding.

The Top 20! With infinitely more Kelly Clarkson than ever before! 20) "When I See U," by Fantasia (4.21.2007) 19) "Movin' On," by Elliott Yamin (3.17.2007) 18) "U + Ur Hand," by P!nk (1.13.2007) 17) "Doe Boy Fresh," by Three 6 Mafia ft./Chamillionaire (1.20.2007) 16) "Breath," by Breaking Benjamin (4.14.2007) 15) "Stolen," by Dashboard Confessional (4.21.2007) 14) "Beautiful Liar," by Beyonce & Shakira (3.31.2007) 13) "Cupid's Chokehold," by Gym Class Heroes ft./Patrick Stump (1.13.2007) 12) "The River," by Good Charlotte ft./M. Shadows & Synyster Gates (2.10.2007) 11) "Say OK," by Vanessa Hudgens (2.17.2007) 10) "Alyssa Lies," by Jason Michael Carroll (1.13.2007) 9) "Never Again," by Kelly Clarkson (5.12.2007) 8) "Get Buck," by Young Buck (4.14.2007) 7) "And I Am Telling You I'm Not Going," by Jennifer Hudson (1.13.2007) 6) "Thnks fr th Mmrs," by Fall Out Boy (4.28.2007) 5) "Candyman," by Christina Aguilera (1.13.2007) 4) "Because of You," by Ne-Yo (3.17.2007) 3) "Umbrella," by Rihanna ft./Jay-Z (4.28.2007) 2) "Dashboard," by Modest Mouse (2.17.2007) 1) "The Story," by Brandi Carlile (4.28.2007) Alright. 2007 had a bad week. 2017 didn’t fuck up Kendrick week. Is it gonna fuck up Paramore week?

5.13.2017

44) "There's Nothing Holdin' Me Back," by Shawn Mendes

So before I even listen to a single note, the inconsistency of the title's abbreviations has me peeved. Why would you abbreviate one word but not the other? Is one g much more special than the other? Does Shawn Mendes pronounce the g in nothing, but not the g in holding? Because I've heard Shawn Mendes sing, I'd be surprised if he hits the "th" and the "ld" in those words. /// You know what? I'll give it a "not as bad as the title." I don't come away from this song having made any new conclusions about the world or Shawn Mendes as a person, so I can't really argue that this was worth the three minutes of my life it took, but it's not Joe-level nothing, so hey! It has that going for it!

64) "Lust for Life," by Lana del Rey ft./The Weeknd

I'm not here to make a judgement call about the modern adolescent experience in relation to the one I went through. I think this song is fine, it's actually kind of great in a way I'm not gonna bother to place, but I think that it's worth noting that the modern teen's "Hot in Herre" is this. There's a lot of value in a sad song with the "take off all your clothes" refrain, again I dug this, but I didn't dig it enough to try to figure out why that might be, because I'm just thinking about what a jam "Hot in Herre" is and how I think I've heard like maybe two great party jams over the course of this project. We had "Run Up," you guys. The teens don't want to party. And, I mean, why should they, it's rough out there, maybe they deserve to just shrug when they see their boyfriend approach and say, "Huh, he got a little cooler. Le sigh."

68) "Attention," by Charlie Puth

Not gonna lie: when I saw that Shawn Mendes and this dude were on the ledger for this week, I thought the milquetoast white boy army was gonna ruin this W for Paramore. I thought the weight these two idiots would add to 2017 would give the W to a week in 2007 with a Kara DioGuardi joint. But just like the Shawn Mendes song, this was acceptable! In fact: I would give this a B-! It's not as drastic a zag as when Ed Sheeran dropped "Sing," but this is reasonably funkier, a degree of funk which I never would have thought Charlie Puth capable of achieving. I think this song might be his ceiling, I can't imagine having as good a time with Charlie Puth as I did with him here (especially now that the element of surprise won't be in play), but, y'know, solid three and a half minutes. Not the worst!

87) "do re mi," by blackbear

Ah, so THIS is where we were keeping the unexceptional white boy! I knew he had to be hiding somewhere! This is the song you write you have completely purged your life of everyone who told you that you weren't clever. This is the song you write after having no one around to tell you that the fact of a curse word isn't edgy on its own. "Do re mi fa so fuckin' done wit' ya" is a garbage line because the shock is being solely derived from the use of the f-word, and that can only get ya so many times; by the time he repeats it for the sixth time, you'll think it's do re mi fa so lame he couldn't think of anything cooler to do with the conceit than recite the scale then swear. You're a songWRITER, dude! You tellin' me you could only think of one pun based on the scale? OSCAR HAMMERSTEIN AIN'T GOT THE MONOPOLY ON SCALE-BASED PUNS, YA KNOW. SO MANY OTHER WORDS BEGIN WITH FA. TRY HARDER.

90) "Hard Times," by Paramore

gosh this song fucking rules. y'all mind if i'm just a boy writing a diary for a second? because this is a song about me. i'm someone with a defeatist attitude, i'm the exact sort of person who meets hard times by giving up, and that's what this song is, it's a song about giving in and feeling defeated. they're not looking back on low points in their life and saying, "gosh, can you believe we made it?" they're sinking deeper and deeper still into a depression and saying "how the fuck do we survive," and that's such a beautiful sentiment, especially in the trump era, where i'm sure a lot of us are still shellshocked and feel the task is too tall. but they're putting this happy, energetic face on it, this song is this bouncy uptempo jam about being incredibly depressed, because it's easier to pretend you don't need help than it is to ask. i love this song. i don't care if it falls off the chart next week, it's the new #1.

93) "My Girl," by Dylan Scott

...I think I'm just feeling generous today. I'm willing to give this a "didn't mind it." Am I amazed that they just keep finding new dudes to make this exact country song? Yeah. But, it's like the Shawn Mendes song, there just isn't enough in here for me to react negatively to. The Eminem reference is probably the most exotic shoutout in country music going, and especially refreshing because I'm still angry at "Johnny Cash" from last week, and the dude has the bass country voice going, he has that earth-shaking twang instead of that nasal fuckboy twang a lot of these dudes got going on. It wasn't as engaging as that "Hurricane" thing from a couple months ago, so I'm still gonna call it bro country, but this is probably the least I'll ever mind bro country. Congratulations, Dylan Scott! Of all the bro country chucklefucks, you have emerged as the least chucklefucky!

Top 20! Only one new entry! It’s an important one. 20) "Guys My Age," by Hey Violet (2.11) 19) "Heatstroke," by Calvin Harris ft./Young Thug, Pharrell Williams & Ariana Grande (4.22) 18) "Yeah Boy," Kelsea Ballerini (3.4) 17) "You Look Good," by Lady Antebellum (4.22) 16) "The Heart Part 4," by Kendrick Lamar (4.15) 15) "Selfish," by Future ft./Rihanna (3.18) 14) "Slide," by Calvin Harris ft./Frank Ocean & Migos (3.18) 13) "Now & Later," by Sage the Gemini (2.25) 12) "DNA." by Kendrick Lamar (5.6) 11) "It Ain't Me," by Kygo x Selena Gomez (3.4) 10) "Craving You," by Thomas Rhett ft./Maren Morris (4.22) 9) "That's What I Like," by Bruno Mars (3.4) 8) "Chanel," by Frank Ocean ft./A$AP Rocky (4.1) 7) "Run Up," by Major Lazer ft./PARTYNEXTDOOR & Nicki Minaj (2.18) 6) "Green Light," by Lorde (3.18) 5) "ELEMENT." by Kendrick Lamar (5.6) 4) "Despacito," by Luis Fonsi ft./Daddy Yankee (2.4) 3) "Issues," by Julia Michaels (2.11) 2) "iSpy," by KYLE ft./Lil Yachty (1.14) 1) "Hard Times," by Paramore (5.13) May you last longer than “Run Up,” “Hard Times.” 

Who won?

2017. Neither had a great week, apart from one exceptional song from both sides. “Hard Times” is simply better than “Never Again,” is what it comes down to. And now: 2017 has the lead for the year! 2017: 4 2007: 3 Looking into the future, 2007 has four songs. 2017 will be entering “Young and Menace” probably. ...I already don’t like next week.