#they were dealt a shit hand and still managed to make the most of it

[ignatius-pennyfeather-ix]

i will never for as long as i live be okay about this actually

[millersfinest]

untethered⁴ | e.w

00s!ellie williams & 00s!miller!reader

wc: 11.3k

series: chapter one, chapter two, chapter three, chapter four (you’re here!), chapter five

blurb: it’s been awhile since you’ve been back home; in upstate new york where you’ve spent most of your life waking up early and tending to the animals that moo’d and meh’d. after graduation high school, and then college, the city life has stolen most of your attention. enabling you to visit only a handful of times through the years. when your lovely adoptive parents (tommy and maria miller) invite you back for a thanksgiving dinner—a troubled old flame from your childhood manages to get your attention, despite its explosive ending.

cw: +18 CONTENT, lmao flip phones, r and ellie NOT beating the cheating allegations, more use of y/n then i would prefer, she/her pronouns, afab anatomy mentioned, vulgar language, some angst (not on ellie’s watch tho), fuckgirl!ellie (kind of), the millers, r is a writer (she doesn’t write much in this ch wink wink 2.0), r and ellie conspiring, more horndog ellie, porn w plot ig, elements of longing, ellie is #1 lesbian yearner in the world, some early 2000s references, thanksgiving, r is still very jealous of cat, hella angst, ellie has a landing strip ;), emotional cheating (from ellie), maria doesn’t play w r, repressed emotions, SMUT (r and ellie fuck nasty), dryhumping (underrated af), fingering, tribbing/scissoring, oral (e! receiving), titty sucking, little bit of dirty talk (not much because i’m shit at it), sub!top!ellie (?), dom!bottom!reader (?), they flip flop you guys idk.

note: i swear i can’t write smut for the LIFE OF ME… but practice makes perfect, right? my brain stopped working halfway through writing the smut portion of this so… if you don’t think ellie is giving sub!top than… you might be onto something. anywayyy, i have sm fun writing the reader and ellie’s dynamic!!! hope you guys enjoy this lengthy freaky chapter <3 and to my new followers, i see you, i hear you, and i stalk your accounts. bisou babiessss x

After your father gently chewed you out for taking so long—must’ve woken up on the wrong side of the bed—him and Maria took Joel to see his surprise; little Sarah. They were gonna take care of the animal work this morning, while you showed Ellie how to manage the grocery shipments. The collection of the items produced on the farm: eggs, milk and fresh vegetables. All that good stuff.

“Please, be thorough because this is how we make our money, honey.” Maria said before she followed after the brother’s, out the back door.

You swipe the clipboard off the counter that they left for you, puffing air from your mouth. Ellie followed you out the door as you led her to a trailer that kept all the products that were packaged the night before. When you lived back home, you often did the morning chores, while they did the nightly chores—although, they helped you where they could in the mornings, because you had school.

They package the eggs, milk and vegetables, but it was your job to count everything—make sure nothing was broken or eaten by bugs or tainted by anything. It was a detail-oriented job. Then, you put everything in crates and prepare them to be taken to the local shops in town. Normally, your parents dealt with that part, but not this time.

The crisp air had smacked life into you once you stepped outside. And, it was a bit of journey from the house to the trailer. The first few minutes alone, walking toward your destination, was in silence. Partially, an awkward silence. Ellie dragged her feet behind you, feigning a level of coolness that didn’t exist for her. “So, what exactly are we doing?” She questioned, peeking over your shoulder.

You peered at her, raising an eyebrow. “We’re doing a count, and a quality check of the groceries we sell to the shops at the square…” You begin, handing her the clipboard. “So, basically, a bunch of boring shit. But, at least we get to ride downtown and deliver the stuff. It’s like a fun little field trip.” Shrugging your shoulders, you arrive at the temperature controlled trailer after several minutes of walking.

“Oh…”

“This is what you signed up for, Ellie… How does it feel?” You pulled the key from your hip, unlocking the door. Naturally, you hold the door open for her, letting her walk in before you, eyeing her slender frame hidden under her sweatshirt and jacket.

She sucked in a breath, wrapping her arms around herself. Freckled cheeks turning red from the cold temperature. “Shit,” Ellie looked to you, with her eyebrows bunched together.

“Gotta keep the groceries fresh. It’s even worse in the winter. Which is where we’re headed so… Good luck, I guess.” You place your hand on her shoulder, squeezing, gently. The other hand snatching the clipboard from her hand. Keeping your eyes trained on hers, teasingly.

Surprisingly, you composed yourself enough after what you pulled this morning. Touching yourself to the thought of your past lover—it was a filthy thing to do. But, it’s not like she knew anything; at least, you hoped she didn’t. If she did, she would’ve said something by now because she was a nuisance.

Ellie jutted her bushy eyebrows upwards, humming to herself.

“All right, so,” You began, rolling your tongue in your mouth as you read down the checklist. “We should have two hundred and fifty tomato’s, one hundred and seventy-five carrots, one hundred and ten Granny Smith apples and one hundred an’ forty honey-crisp apples—“

“Wait, I’m sorry… Are we hand counting all of these?” Ellie questioned, dumbfounded.

You chortled, placing a hand on your hip. “Uh, yeah, Ellie. This isn’t a factory.”

She scoffed, looking around at all the products around her. Cursing under her breath, pushing a piece hair behind her ear. “Continue…” Ellie sighed, squatting in front of one of the crates of tomato’s. Tossing one up in her hand, examining it. “These are some pretty sexy tomato’s.” She muttered, glancing up at you.

Rolling your eyes, you hummed, dragging your finger across the checklist. “Let’s just start countin’. After each, check the list to see if the numbers match up.”

You started counting the eggs and gallons of unprocessed milk, while Ellie counted the vegetables. Later joining her with the vegetables because she was, surely, taking her time. The apples is where she found herself confused—or feigning confusion. You weren’t entirely sure, but the way she blinked at you made you consider the idea.

Perhaps, it was poor thinking on your part; locked in the cold trailer, it was inevitable for the two of you to cling to each other… For warmth. The strictness of your parents had rubbed off on you, but around her you always loosened up. Ellie was like your other half—the yin to your yang. But it always began with a luring of sorts; on her part. That's what loved about her.

Her big, earthy eyes bored into yours—penetrating you, mercilessly.

“Did you forget how to count?” You snicker, glancing between her and the fruit.

“My minds a little busy at the moment…” She sing-songed, glancing at you from the corner of her eye. There was so much insinuation in her words—you knew immediately what she was referring to. Or you were projecting like all hell.

Truth was, in those moments from her knocking on your door, to walking out in the cold to the trailer; Ellie wondered why the fuck you haven’t said anything. About the kiss, that is. The borderline makeout session that happened in that bar bathroom. What if that woman never banged on the door? What would’ve happened next? She had so many questions and curiosities that she was intending to voice.

She wasn’t mad… Just overtly interested in your thoughts beyond nobody can know about this.

You weren’t projecting at all.

Carefully, you observed her, taking in a big, deep breath. “With…?” You inquired, blinking at her, fingering the round fruits in the crate.

Ellie turned her head, slowly. “Am I allowed to speak of it while the sun’s still out?” She lightly, teased. The corners of her plump lips rising.

“Don’t be a dick.” You chuckle, narrowing your eyes. “Nobody’s around… So— speak freely, please.” Your shoulders shrugging, faking a careless demeanor.

“If you promise not to hit me…”

“Seriously?” Your features pinched, leaning back on your hands in your crisscrossed position.

She chewed on her lip. “Too soon?”

Answering her with silence was enough for her to change the subject back to what was originally intended to be talked about: the kiss.

Quickly, she recovered. “I can’t stop thinking about you— the kiss. There! I said it.” Ellie admitted, eyes searching between yours for some sort of consolation. But, she was met with none other than silence. More silence. Sprinkled with a little bit of shock—it was written all over your precious face.

Your eyebrows were stuck in a raised position, lips parted as if you heard a stranger say a foul joke over the phone. “Uhm, it’s now your turn to say: Oh, my God, Ellie! I can’t stop thinking about you, too! Let’s run away together!” She furrowed her thick eyebrows, followed by a boyish chuckle. God, that made your heart swell, then shatter.

“Fuck, Ellie… Els…” Lips gaped like a fish trying to formulate your words. That was not how she was wanting to hear you repeat fuck, Ellie—wasn’t the plan at all. Her heart completely dropped to her ass. “I don’t… Break up relationships. I’m not that kind of person. I don’t wanna be seen as that kind of person.” You explained, looking directly into her shaking eyes. Pressing your lips together, gulping, you placed your hand on her knee. “Stop thinking about me… Stop thinking about that kiss— it’s never happening again. It was a mistake.” You gently told her, with a gaze that said the complete opposite.

A mistake. That struck her like an iron ton—or like one of those comical piano’s falling from the sky. Abrupt. Unexpected.

Her lips quivered and her shoulders shrunk at your direct words. “It didn’t feel like a mistake.” Ellie muttered, clenching her jaw. “Nor did it fucking sound like one…” She followed, throwing the apple in her hand into the crate, jumping to her feet.

“Okay, can you not bruise the apple—“

“Fuck the apple…” She spoke under her breath, shutting eyes in frustration. Ellie fought the pain in her chest, inhaling and exhaling, evenly.

You looked down, pitifully. “I’m sorry—“

“Don’t be.” Ellie interrupted, shaking her head with pursed lips. “Because I don’t believe a single word that you just said.” She added, shrugging her tense shoulders.

Making a bewildered face, you stand to you feet, pushing back one of the crates you were counting from. “Well, you don’t have to believe me. Just listen to me.” You face your palms toward her, leaning forward, slightly. “I’m trying to help you, Ellie.”

She sized you up. “You think your help is what I want from you?”

“It doesn’t matter what you want, because that’s all you’re getting from me.” You told, crossing your arms over your chest. “I am not a homewrecker.”

“There isn’t a home to wreck!”

“To you, Ellie! To you there isn’t a home to wreck!” You finally raise your tired voice, ending your rushed our words with your hand over your eyes. “She worries about you, she gets two bottles of champagne because I ask for it— I’m wrecking her home, and I can’t do that. Not with a clean conscience."

A beat of silence moves through the both of you, like an elegant ribbon dancing around your stiff bodies. Trying to pull the two of you together. Ellie was standing with so much distance between you, holding herself for comfort. Cold air whistled behind your ears as you waited for some kind of response. You watched her earthy eyes search around, lip moving as she gnawed the inside of her cheek in thought. “Ellie—“ You took a step forward, reaching a hand out to comfort her.

“Did you think about that… Touching yourself to the thought of me this morning?” Ellie let the words come from her slow and full of poison, taking her time to look you in the eye. Her feet began to move, meeting you in the middle. Face to face. Chest to chest.

Words got caught in your throat as embarrassment clouded your vision and mind. “W-- What?” You stammered, frozen in your place. She was the last person you wanted to hear that; it was an accident. It just happened. Similar to that kiss you shared together. It was in her character to bring it up--you fucking knew that much, but you didn't anticipate her bringing it up so harshly.

“How would Cat feel if she found out you were fucking yourself to the idea of her girlfriend—“

“It wasn’t like that.” You tried, averting your eyes. Eyebrows pushing together, swallowing the anger building in your throat.

“Wasn’t it?” A sickening smirk spread on her lips. Chest grazing yours as she stood tall. “I heard you… Whining for me— what we did couldn’t have meant nothing.” Her voice grew gentle, hand reaching toward a warm place on your neck. Still, internally writhing with embarrassment, you let her. Leaning into her cold hand, bracing yours at the divot of her elbow.

A sigh fell from your lips, meeting her intense irises. “I never said it meant nothing.” You mumbled, breath hitching. “It just shouldn’t happen, again. We have to think of the people—“

“Can you just think about yourself for once?” Her hand slipped closer to the nape of your neck, pulling you close like you did to her. Ellie peered down at your parted lips, nearly pressing her forehead to yours. She still noticed that hesitance in your demeanor—you were talking yourself off the damn ledge. Fighting the temptation that was Ellie Williams caressing your skin. Feeling you. Tethering to you for connection.

Perhaps, there was another way she could get you to stop restraining. In order for her to give in, she needed you to decide on your own accord. Your heavy breathing wasn’t enough for her. Nor was the stressed massaging of her forearm by your desperate fingers.

“I don’t want to hurt anyone—“

“Say the word, and I’ll do as you say. Say the word... And the kiss didn’t happen…” She whispered near your lips, breathing in the air you released—which couldn’t have been healthy. Even in the face of situational rejection, she breathed you in like fresh air.

Your hand found a way to cling to her sweatshirt, bunching the material hanging around her waist. Her lips pecked the corner of your lips, moving toward your cheek, then your jaw. You leaned into her touch, whining lowly. She was suffocating in the best way. For a moment, you believed you would actually go through with it. Unable to resist her, until you spoke. “I can’t…” You mutter, with your eyes fluttered shut. But as quickly as you said it, she pulled away from you. Arms, lips—fucking everything.

There was so much hurt in her eyes, but she swallowed it down. “Please, understand.” You pleaded, automatically feeling uncomfortably cold now that her touch was gone.

“Oh, I understand, all right.” Ellie bit, dryly chuckling. She was wilting before your eyes. Just like Dina had mentioned. This is what happens to her when you’re around, and you wanted to everything to make it better. However, your morals were clouding you. The moral being: Not appearing like something you weren’t. Not even, being a homewrecker—it was worse to be seen as one, than actually being one.

Your mind was occupied by the image of her in your dreams and while you were awake—you just fought harder against it. Ellie was the exact opposite of you. She fell into you the minute she knew that she could; it was worthy of your respect in some degree. But she wasn't yours anymore. “I’m gonna go pull Tommy’s truck around…”

She swiftly left the trailer, leaving you in your abrasive thoughts. The door shut behind her and you just blinked at it. Muttering curses under your breath, tears welling up in your eyes. Your memories flashing back to what it felt like to be kissed by her. It set your skin on fire—you’ve never been more in tune with someone in your life! It scared you to take a risk as grand as succumbing to someone who was spoken for.

The one thing Ellie told you about Cat was that she didn’t inspire her. And, from her first night on the farm, the artist was back engaging in her work again. Was it conceited to assume it was because of you? Clearly, something was off between the two of them. Enough for her to be looking to you for consolation. You were her muse; there were rights that you did have pertaining to Ellie. Plus, she was yours first...

Look at you, talking yourself up to resuming the treachery that was your blooming relationship with Ellie. That burning feeling you felt seeing her features drop at your rejection was like fire up the ass; a call to action. Ellie stole that level of control from you—the idea that you could succumb or pull away whenever you wanted to.

All of a sudden, you needed her more than breath itself.

Instead of waiting by the door for her like a mannequin, you finished up the counting with quickness. Checking off the list as you finished—all the products being accurately numbered.

Ellie had pulled the freight truck around, and quicker than you thought. It was as large as the smallest UHaul truck, and packing all the crates inside wasn’t much of a hassle. The auburn-haired woman stood inside the back, taking the crates from your hands to load the products inside. Fingers grazing every other crate, but Ellie made sure not to physically pay it any mind. She was playing a game that was only entertaining to herself.

She was a warm-blooded manipulator and a very good one. Ellie believed she was using her powers for good this time, though. For true love, she believes. Her gut told her that you felt just as insatiable for her as she did for you—she fucking knows it! It makes her sick that you can’t be forthright about how you feel without worrying so much. Yeah, she should probably break-up with Cat—and, mentally, she’s been planning to for months—but right now that wasn’t the priority.

She could only set her sights on two things at a time, and that was her art and you--two things that easily coincides with one another. Like mentioned before, she’ll handle the situation between her and Cat at some point. Whenever that will be.

Ellie could feel you chipping away with every chance of connection she took from you. Finger grazes. Intentional eye contact. She would flinch every time you tried to touch her, just like you did in that bathroom. Giving you a taste of your own medicine. It felt good, although, that pouty look on your face didn't let her fully revel in it.

You drove the truck downtown to drop off the goods—trading products for checks and money-orders. The drive being the worst fifteen minutes of your life. Stuck in a stuffy truck with a woman who was pissed at you. You kept glancing over at the freckled artist, hoping she’d meet your eyes just once. But her chin was rested on her fist as she looked out the window, keeping her eyes trained on the passing landmarks.

When all of the products were delivered, you started the engine with a loud huff. Disgruntled, well within your rights. But she didn’t pay you an ounce of attention until you released an exasperated sigh, halfway down the road.

“Fine, fuck, I take it back, Ellie!” You tap your thumbs around the wheel, trying to keep your eyes on the road.

She raises an eyebrow. “You take what back?” She wanted to hear you say it; a slight smirk spreading on her lips. It worked quicker than she thought it would—you must’ve wanted her bad.

You pull the truck to the side of the road, shifting in your seat to lay your eyes on her, safely. “I can’t stop thinking about you, either…” The confession pushed from your throat, leaking with solemnity. “Or the kiss— that fucking kiss.” You shut your eyes, re-living it in your mind before her.

“Well, I already knew that… I just needed to hear you say it.” She rolled her eyes, nonchalantly, leaning forward on her knees.

“Don’t get too excited… I have a proposition.” You hold your head up high, lifting your chin. Grasping for any semblance of control that you could muster. Ellie motioned her hand for you to continue, and you did. It was difficult to say, because that meant that it was real. Your sappy, horny and sickeningly romantic feelings for her were real. “I want you, and clearly, you want me, too. So… Why don’t we just get it over with?”

A grin cracked onto her face, followed by a giggle. Freckled cheeks turning a lovely shade of red. “Get it over with? Yeah, that’s totally something a woman wants to hear—“

“Ellie, you know what I mean.”

“Do I?” She raised a scarred eyebrow. The woman leaned back in her seat, sliding down, spreading her legs apart. Ellie was thinking with a subtle smile that couldn’t leave her face. She was excited and beyond. “You wanna fuck me, y/n?” The auburn-haired woman looked over at you, tapping her hand against the passenger seats handles. “Or… Do you want me to fuck you—? I’m down for either, really…”

You scoff at her words, shaking your head. “I wanna make sure that… We’re not acting like this because of the thrill of it all… Old flings, and shit. Get this out of our system.”

“So, this is a one and done type’a thing?”

“Depends. We’ll find out, I guess. I’m willing to find out.” You shrug, flickering your eyes across her stunning face. If only you could start now…Instead of harping, you turn back toward the wheel.

Ellie releases a joyful laugh under her hand; excited beyond measure. There was a thrill to sneaking around, but she didn’t need that to be with you. “Wait… You consider this,” She gestures between the two of you. “An old fling? We were together for two years.”

“Semantics, Ellie.” You chuckled, starting to move the truck back onto the road.

She sucked her teeth. “Semantics my tits— there’s nothing old flingy about us. I’m literally in love with you.” Ellie scoffs, glancing out the window before realizing what she said aloud. Pausing with her fist covering her mouth.

Warmth gathered in your face, gripping the steering wheel to keep a restraint. “Y— You… You don’t have to say it back, but… Yeah, it’s true. I am in love with you…” Her voice trembled as she spoke, eyeing the side of your face. “This isn’t a thrill for me. But if you need to make sure this isn’t a thrill for you… I’m okay with that.”

Your heart bloomed, beating rapidly in your chest. If you could attack her with your lips while manning the wheel, you would. Choosing to be selfish was hard, especially, in a situation as taut as this one. Nobody could ever understand—you had be okay with homewrecking; you needed to figure this out. You wanted to figure this out.

It was easy to know that you were doing this for more than the thrill. But, you just had to make sure this was worth the backlash that would come of this. From your parents, from Cat, from your friends, from Ellie’s friends. It all had to be worth something.

“So… What’s the plan for this thing we’re doing? Is it, like, a date?”

You snickered, keeping your eyes on the road. “I don’t count hookups as dates. We’re gonna treat this like a one night stand… For now, at least.” You take in a breath before continuing. “My parents should be in their rooms by ten-thirty, Joel by nine— correct me if I’m wrong…”

“You’re right.” Ellie agrees, nodding her head. Peering over at you with glimmering irises.

“I’ll come get you from the back porch at eleven-forty-five— no earlier, no later.”

“This sounds like we’re about make the greatest heist known to man.” She joked, chuckling to herself.

You hummed, glancing at her, briefly. “I mean, I am stealin’ you for a night, aren’t I?”

Her cheeks immediately blushed at your words, but she looked off to the door window to hide. Pupils dilating with excitement, chewing on her bottom lip. Planning to have sex was such a juvenile thing to do—something that you used to do when you were horny teenagers. Orchestrating around your parents, sneaking around, quickies left and right. It was silly, but it had to be done; according to you, at least. And who was Ellie to object? She would do anything to feel you again.

Pulling up to your house, you parked the truck in its usual place. “I’m sure you’ll find a way to get around Cat?” You question, loosely. Somehow without that guilt that’s been creeping up your bones, imbedding into your veins.

She ran a hand through her hair, nodding with pursed lips. “Oh, she’ll be easy.” Ellie shrugged, unbuckling her seatbelt.

Your lips pull into a tight, slightly stressed smile. The artist across from you narrowed her earthy eyes, taking your hand from where she sat, leaning forward. Ellie was prepared to say some uplifting words, but she forfeited that idea as soon as her lips prepped to speak. Instead, she stood up, pulling you to the back of the truck. Where the clear windows couldn’t expose the absolute crime that the two of you were—walking moral felonies.

Her hand clenched yours, coming to stop in the dark. Your hand creeped up her forearm, pressing yourself close enough to her to be irresistible. Ellie reached for your jaw, not wasting any time to press her lips against yours. Her lips were soft and longing; as if she’s been waiting for this moment her whole life. Your hands braced at her hips, pushing hers against yours—but, she still tried to take the lead. Tongue grazing your bottom lip as an ask to intrude your mouth.

Ellie wanted to make sure that you weren’t going to change your mind. She must've not have known you as well as you thought, because you most definitely weren’t.

The feeling of her fingers creeping around your throat made you pull away. Looking at her in the dimly lit darkness of the back of the truck. Pupils dilated, completely under her spell. And she thought you were the compelling one. “Do you have any resolve?” A smile spread onto your wet, shiny lips.

“Nope!” She grinned, leaning into you for more.

Turning your face, you laughed. “Save some for later, you freak.” Ellie kissed your cheek, then kissed it again; holding your face in her hands like a delicate object. “Ellie!” You giggled, holding onto her wrists. “We can’t camp out in this truck… They’ll start asking questions.”

“Ugh, I know…” Ellie finally pulled back, but she held onto your hand because she had to be tethered to you in some way. “Do you think we’ll have any time together before later?” She was such a romantic to her core.

“Probably, not. I have to help my mom prep some food for tomorrow… I promised.” You massaged her palm with your thumb, kissing her knuckles like it was something you did all the time. It was certainly something you wouldn't mind doing all the time. “Be patient for me, yeah?”

“I can try…” Ellie pouted, rolling her eyes.

“Eleven-forty-five… You’re all mine, and I’m all yours. Just a few hours. You can make it.” You finalized before walking back to the front of the truck to exit. But not without winking in her direction, leaving her in the dark. Stuck in a paralyzed trance: You’re all mine, and I’m all yours. Was this some sort of dream?

This was really happening.

The rest of the day was spent getting ready for Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow. You helped Maria prep her biscuit dough, and marinade for the ham. As well as cutting fruit for the pie Ellie and Joel were planning on making tomorrow. It felt domestic preparing things for her and Joel--just like you used to do. Sometime during that period, Tommy and Ellie took off to the butcher shop to grab some steak—because what was a Miller’s Thanksgiving without options?

And, weirdly enough, Cat joined you and your mother in the food prep. Which totally messed up your domestic fantasy of family cooking.

She snacked on the apple’s you chopped, leaning against the corner. “Have you ever tried her apple pie?” Cat asked, taking one of the other slices that you placed on a napkin in front of her. You were trying to be nice here. “Ellie is such a great cook.” She mused, dusting her hands on the fabric of her pajama pants.

You chuckled, rinsing off the bulk of the apple slices in the deep sink. “A long time ago… It’s pretty good.”

Maria chuckled, mixing spices and seasoning into her honey ham marinade. “Bug’s a harsh critic, too. So if she says it’s good, then it’s good.”

“She does the whole sugar crumble thing. It really sets it off.” You add, dropping the sliced apples into plastic tupperware to put in the fridge.

Cat hummed, pushing a piece of her slick black hair behind her ear. “Good to know. I guess I have something to look forward to— as well as your cooking Mrs. Miller.” She complimented, sharing a friendly smile. With your head still facing the fridge, you couldn’t have rolled your eyes harder. She was so sweet it made you sick. Champagne bottles mocking you as you emotionally rejected the girl in your kitchen.

“Is there anything I could help out with?”

“No, I don’t think—“

“Of course, hon. Would you mind taking that cornbread out of the oven?” Maria interrupted you, casting you a glare that only you could notice. Jutting your eyebrows up, you scoff under your breath. She hands her mittens from a drawer to aid in the removal of the glass pan.

Sighing, you watch her remove the cornbread—the one you were going to use for stuffing. “I’m gonna go take a smoke break…” You mutter, already pushing through the front screen door.

Soon after you pulled out your pack of yellow American Spirits, placing a stick between your teeth, your mother had followed you out. With her veiny hands on her hips, staring at you like you committed some sort of crime. Upon seeing her face, you lit the end of your cigarette, jutting your eyebrows up.

“What is going on with you?” She asserted, glancing at the cigarette between your lips with disgust. Maria never liked that you smoked; she knew how bad they were for you, but you didn’t have much of a reason to care. You didn’t care when you were young, and you surely didn’t now. For a brief moment, when you and Ellie were together, you smoked less. But, after that, you picked up like you never stopped.

You puffed the smoke away from her, holding the cigarette between your index and middle finger. “I don’t know what you’re talkin’ about.”

“Uh, you don’t know what I’m talkin’ about? You think I didn’t hear all that heavy breathin’ in there?” Maria raised an eyebrow.

“Maria,”

“Don’t Maria me.” She inhaled, pointing an authoritative finger at you. “I can’t control who you like, but that girl in there is a guest in our home— and she will be treated with respect.” The blonde woman told as you leaned your head to the side like a rebellious teen. “All that sighin’ is for the birds.”

You pursed your lips, rolling your eyes. “Heard. Yes, ma’am.”

Her bright eyes softened, watching you take puffs from the stick between your fingers. “I know it’s hard to see. I understand that. But we’re not always gonna like everything— I’m sure you know that, though.”

“Yeah,” You breathe, peering at your mother.

“Why don’t you invite that Abby girl to dinner tomorrow? Ellie told us she took you home the other night.” She offered, nudging you, playfully. Record fucking scratch.

Why on earth would Ellie mention Abby to her parents? Where would she even find the time to do that? A deep sigh fell from your lips, but you covered it with a smile. “You know, what? That’s a great idea, mom. I’ll text her. See if she has any plans…”

She pinched the bridge of her nose. “This generation and their texting— give her a call, honey. I’m sure she’ll appreciate it.”

Maria squeezed your shoulder before dipping back into the house. You leaned your elbows on the bannister, hinging at your hips. Ellie telling your parents about Abby wasn’t going to put a damper on the plans tonight—however, she was going to pay for that. Stubbing out your cigarette, you snatched your cell from your hip. Decorative chain dangling from the headphone port.

Your thumb flicked open the screen, and you began to search through your contacts looking for Abs. Perhaps, you should call her—to really make the sentiment stick. After all, she was the one asking when she was going to see you again.

You clicked the call button on your keyboard, placing it on your ear. The line trilled and trilled, until a muffled sound signaled that she had picked up. “Abigail Anderson,” She greeted, as if she didn’t know it was you. But you could hear the smile in her voice.

“How formal, Abs.” She chuckled on the other end. “Do you have any plans tomorrow?”

“You mean on Thanksgiving? Yeah, I wouldn’t be in this middle-of-nowhere town if I didn’t.” She paused, shuffling on the other end of the line. Like she was shifting in her bed or something. “Why? You wanna do somethin’?” Her voice leaked with innuendo, and it actually made your stomach churn; like you were doing something wrong.

Sighing, you turned your back against the bannister. “Actually, I was wondering if you wanted to come over for dinner tomorrow… My family and I aren’t gonna eat all this food ourselves— we could use a helping hand.”

“Meeting the parents? I don’t know…”

You chortled. “It’s not like that, and you know it.”

“I said I’ll help Owen’s family with food prep… But, I should have some time to stop by.”

Yes!

“Okay, just keep me updated if anything changes.”

“I’d never leave you hangin’.”

“Right… Buh bye.” You shut the phone before she has the chance to respond. Releasing a sigh of relief. Oh, and just in time for Tommy and Ellie to pull into the gravel driveway.

You peered over your shoulder, coolly. With your bare arms wrapped around your body for warm. You watch as Tommy and Ellie hop out the truck with paper bags in his hands and two packs of beer in Ellie’s—they don’t need that much beer. But, it was a nice sight to see them laughing together. “Where’s Joel?” You question, deepening your eyebrows.

“He’s picking up a new guitar for tomorrow!” Your father responded, approaching the porch. Ellie following close behind him, looking through her lashes at you as she stepped up the wooden steps.

“Hey, Ellie.” You greeted, pressing your lips into a smile. A no strings attached smile.

“Hey, y/n.” She dragged the hey a bit longer than she should have, passing you. Tommy pulling open the screen door, holding it with his foot. But, you didn’t let her pass. Stepping in front of her with a playful smirk on your lips.

Eyeing the packs of canned and glass-bottled beer in her hands. “I hope there’s some wine or coolers in that truck a’ yours…”

She nervously chuckled, causing the blond man to raise an eyebrow. Cheeks raising and blushing. “I only have two hands. There’s two bottles of Sauvignon Blanc in there. Door’s unlocked.”

You smiled, unintentionally ogling her as she stepped passed Tommy to go inside. By the time your eyes ascended, you caught his skeptical blue ones. “I’ll go get the wine…” You mutter, trotting off the porch.

And that’s what you did. Trotted off to get the wine from Ellie’s truck. She was right, there were two bottles of Sauvignon Blanc waiting for you, and a rack of wine coolers. They spoiled you. Shutting the door with your hip, you walked back inside the house to place the items on the counter.

You didn’t notice the sight of Ellie clinging onto Cat—or it could’ve been the other way around—until you gave the room a once over. Tommy was giving Maria a chaste kiss on the forehead, chuckling against her skin. And, Ellie had her arms wrapped around Cat’s neck, pushing her into her chest. Her tattooed arms wrapped around her waist, laughing into her. That should've been you holding her like that.

It burned like all hell. And, frankly, it pissed you off on the lowest degree.

Catching a glimpse of Cat’s dark, almond eyes, you flinched. They weren’t sweet anymore, they reflected a level of competitiveness you have yet to see from her. It was completely and utterly random. Has she caught on? Did Ellie say something? Worry bunched in your eyebrows, but you averted your eyes.

Suddenly, you felt the need to write. Work on that chapter you started the other day.

“Hey, I’ll be upstairs… Gotta get some words outta my head.” You tapped your father’s arm as you passed him to head upstairs to your bedroom. “Call me if you need anything.” The words rush out of your mouth, before jog up the slippery wooden stairs.

When you shut yourself in your room, you fell onto your unmade bed, screaming into your pillow. Clutching the feather-filled sack with so much vigor, it could've popped in your grasp. That one glance had made the actions you were planning to do make a lot more sense, and you didn't feel as bad. You didn’t care if you were perceiving it wrong. There was always an inkling that Cat wasn’t as perfect and sweet as she let on. Why would she ever add her girlfriend’s ex on MySpace, anyway? Was she crazy? Most definitely.

You pulled out your computer to do as you said, opening your developing documents. Instead of focusing on the possessive eyes of Ellie’s girlfriend, you focused on your work—because, above all else, that was most important.

Eventually, Ellie went back to the guesthouse. Leaving Cat behind, since she was having so much fun around Maria and Tommy. It felt weird leaving her behind in a house that wasn’t familiar to her—mainly because the house was yours. Ellie knew you didn’t like her, but she wanted to finish the portrait she was working on. And she could only do that when her girlfriend was either occupied with work, sleep or pure mindlessness.

She tied a oil paint-stained apron around her neck and waist, before sitting down before her easel. She flipped over the breathable sheet she hung over it to protect the identity of the model. Then, she began painting—filling in the deep colors of the shed, then adding highlights to your painted frame. You were the first silhouette she added color to on the piece.

Time didn’t wait for either you—slipping by like it didn’t even exist. It was around eleven when you began searching for something cute to wear for Ellie. For Ellie—that was such weird thing to think about. There was old lacy nightgown that you used to wear, but the hems showed that you wore it to the ground. After a lot of shifting through drawers, you decided on a lacy pair of cheeky underwear and no bra—you could never go wrong with that. And, of course, a pair of boxer shorts and a large gray t-shirt. It was no sexy set from Victoria Secret, but it would do.

Ellie had always been a simple girl, just as much as you. She preferred nakedness over anything, anyway.

For the next twenty minutes, you pulled your legs up by your reading nook, scanning the pages of a hardcover book. It was a classic—something you were obligated to read in high school. You always loved books like that. Victorian. Regency. It was all so romantic.

The next time you glanced at the alarm clock on your beside table, it was eleven-forty-one. Meaning it was time to make your way down the stairs, checking for any lingering presences on your way.

Just like you thought, Joel and your parents were in their bedrooms. The kitchen was completely down for the night. The only light that was on was above the clean, silver gas stove. Shuffling toward the back porch, you cut the light on to check if Ellie was out there—and she was. With her hands shoved into the pockets of her sweatpants, hoodie over her head to keep her ears warm. They were matching tones of a light gray.

Opening the wooden door, you pushed open the screen door, eyeing her slender frame hidden under all that cotton. “Is this your incognito costume or…?” A smile pulling onto your lips. She narrowed her eyes at you, walking in with a slight sway in her shoulders. Ellie was illuminating with the confidence of someone who was about to get laid. The skip in her step didn't go unnoticed.

“Everyone’s asleep?” She questioned, swinging her arms at her side, waiting for you to shut the doors behind you.

Shutting off the porch light, you turn back to her, nodding. “Yeah. Just like I anticipated.” You watched her pull off the hoodie, mussing up her damp auburn hair. Olive eyes looking for you in the dark, expectantly. You take her hand with both of yours, walking backwards toward the stairs. “Come on,” You whispered, sweetly. Voice honeyed with anticipation and excitement. Fucking hell! Neither of you could believe that you were doing this.

“Be careful. The old wood creaks.”

“I know…”

Ellie followed behind your steps exactly, as you were trying to evade all the extra cracking from the staircase. It wasn’t a perfect journey from the first floor to the second, as some creaks couldn’t be evaded. But, nonetheless, you pulled her to your bedroom. Her hand growing clammy in yours, but you didn’t care.

As you shut the door behind you, Ellie began to look around your room. Noticing how it hadn’t changed much since the last time she was in there. The posters may have been different, but they were still there, barely peeling from the dull pink walls. And, hell, the catwoman figurines on your dresser were still in place. Collecting dust just like the sum of her own collectables at Joel’s place.

When she noticed you staring at her, the heart in her chest began to wildly beat in her ears. Her cheeks flushing a bright red, eyeing your frame.

You harbored a level of nervousness, but you were ready. Thinking in a happy medium of logic and emotion, you wanted to feel her. It was borderline nostalgic to the first time you were with her so intimately.

“This feels so formal.” Ellie walks up to you, placing her hands at your hips. Feeling the ridges of the waistline of your boxers over your long t-shirt. “Worse than a one night stand…” She chuckles, inspecting your features with anxiety. The moment she’s been wholly desiring was within her fingers, but her nervosa was getting the best of her.

You pressed your lips into a smile, placing one hand over hers on your hip, and the other on her cheek. She nuzzled into your touch, searching for comfort. It wasn’t hard to find, either. Since your thumb caressed her freckled skin—palm exuding nothing but warmth. “It doesn’t have to…” You began, voice purring. “This can be whatever you want it to be.”

Finding the softness of her throat to be alluring, you waste no time pressing your lips against her jaw. “Whatever you want it to be, Els.” You repeat against her skin, trailing down to her neck. Slowly plotting your lips against her throat, pushing soft breaths from her. Fingers squeezing at your hips, pressing them against hers. It was natural for you to take the lead with her—she was so bashful at times.

She’d spend the day tempting you with big eyes and deep kisses, only to turn to absolute putty in your hands when you took it to the next level.

Her body trembled under your touch, but the more she leaned into you the more relaxed she became. Your hand began to imbed itself into her hair, tips of your fingers grazing her scalp. A shaky sigh, borderline moan, came from her parted lips, legs wobbling to keep her standing on her feet. Did Cat ever make her feel this way? You were barely touching her and she was already making so much noise.

Tugging at her sweatshirt, you eyed her. “Take this off.” You breathily commented, sliding your hands under it. Quickly, she pulled the sweatshirt over her head, leaving her in a tight tank top, shaggy bangs spreading over her face. You push the strands from her eyes, glancing at her lips. Ellie dropped the sweatshirt at her feet, locked in a trance.

Your eyes glaze over in awe at her flushed features and expanded pupils. Drifting your middle finger over the beauty mark under left eye, drinking her in. “You’re so beautiful, Ellie.” Your voice wasn’t any higher than whisper, analyzing her twitching features. Her hand reached for your wrist, pulling it to plant her lips up your forearm.

“Says… You…” She speaks between each kiss, looking at you through her thick eye lashes.

A giggle sounds from you, watching her worship your skin, leading all the way back to your lips. Wrapping your arms around her shoulders, you get as close to her as you can. Her tongue timidly entered your mouth, causing you to release a moan of approval and affirmation.

She walks you toward your bed. The end of the mattress catching the back of your knees, causing you to fall. Keeping your eyes locked with hers, you scoot back into the middle of the bed. Ellie dropping her knees onto the mattress, crawling up to meet you. She pushed your shoulders down, collapsing atop of you to meet your lips again. Slotting her thigh between your legs, pulling up your shirt.

Her cool hand grazing over your ribs, just under your breast that hadn’t yet been exposed. Hips rolling against your thigh, sweats bunching in her crotch. “Fuck,” She groaning in your mouth, clenching the material of your shirt in her hands. Her sexual frustration beginning to take over. “I need you so bad, baby.” She whines, lips trailing to your jaw, nipping at you skin with her teeth.

One hand latched onto her hip, the other bracing on the mattress as you flipped her over. Positioning yourself on top of her, straddling her boney hips. Her wide earthy eyes peering up at you, full of desire. Boldly, you crossed your arms to pull the loose top from your body, throwing it across the room. “You have me...”

Slender fingers gripped your hips as you began to grind yourself on her. Breasts moving with every roll of your waist. Ellie reached a hand up to grope your chest, pinching your nipple with her thumb and the side of her finger. Abruptly, she sat up to plot her lips across your warm collarbones. Leading to where she could wrap her lips around the same sensitive nipple she was playing with.

A low gasp fell from your lips, falling into her, gripping the roots of her hair. “Ellie…” You sigh, rolling your eyes back—finding yourself overcome by her touch. You were trying to tease her, rubbing yourself against her like an animal in heat. But, you were just as greedy as her.

“Keep going…” She muttered against your skin, gripping the front of your boxer shorts and underwear. “Please. You look so fuckin' hot like this."

Her words shot right to your pussy, urging you to grind yourself against her harder. “Fuck… Ellie.” You cursed with your face in her hair, smelling the sweetness you craved. Her lips spread into a smile, hearing the words she's been waiting to hear. She nips your nipple with her teeth, before laying back down onto her back.

Bracing your hands on her stomach, you increase in speed, whimpering from the lack of skin to skin contact. The both of you restrained yourself when it came to noise—this was still forbidden. Something nobody other than yourselves could bare to witness and experience. But the squeak of your old bed frame knocking against the wall gave it away to peeving ears.

The brushing of you against her clothed clit, made her pant for you. Holding onto your hips, making you go as fast as you possibly could—gripping the fat of your ass through your shorts. Watching you shut your eyes in concentration, using her; trying to reach a high that she wanted to be the reason for.

She flipped you over, causing you to let out some combination of a gasp and giggle. Sprawling your arms beside your head, laying over your pillows and stuffed animals. Her earthy eyes glanced at them, picking one up. “You sure you want ‘im here for this?” Her long fingers squeezed the stuffed teddy bear.

You narrowed your eyes, wrapping your legs around her hips. “Nothin’ he hasn’t already seen.” Taking the bear from her hands, you toss him over the bed, pulling her down with insatiable desire. “C’mere,” You purr, bringing her down to your lips. Sloppily, you merge your lips together. One of your hands pulling up the white tank top that clung to her toned abdomen.

She obliged to your movements, briefly separating from your lips to remove her top. Freeing her small perky breasts. Connecting her lips back to yours, she groaned at the contact of your skin. Finding herself more intoxicated by you the more to she felt you, touched you, tasted you.

Trailing her lips down your jaw, to your soft throat—nibbling and sucking—then, to your heated chest; her hand was her guide. Slipping down your body before her lips did, tugging at the shorts and underwear that clung to you. They had to go! Her determined irises looked up at you while she licked her tongue around your areola before sucking your erect nipple into her mouth. Ellie was really making a show of it.

“You gonna let me take care of you?” Her voice was silken, moving to your other breast to give her some attention. “Prove to you… How real this is?” Instead of continuing to tug on your shorts, she slipped her hand inside. Her soft touch making you jump at the feeling of the pads of her fingers, spreading your folds.

Locking your eyes with hers, furrowing your brows, you nodded, feverishly. “Uh huh,” You breathed, rolling your hips against her touch. It was like you could feel the effects of her spreading through your muscles—as they tightened and loosened. Wilted flower, she was no more, playing with your dripping core. Marveling at how wet you were; it was surreal.

Ellie pulled back, sitting up on her knees. Her fingers hooked into your bottoms, yanking both your shorts and underwear down. You pouted, clamping your legs shut. She completely missed out on seeing the only cute lace number that you had. “I wanted you to see those.” You whined, peering up at her with a pair of eyes that just screamed: fuck me!

She kissed both of your knees before spreading them open, chewing on her lips at the sight of your glistening cunt. “I’ll see ‘em later.” You were so appetizing to look at—naked as the day you were born, clenching and trembling for her. She couldn't care less about the lacy number that was separating you from her. Ellie faltered for a moment, unsure where to start. That confidence that shot through her like a syringe of adrenaline was already fading.

When it came to sex, she always knew what to do—it was simple. At least with Cat it was. But, this was you she was working with. Her first love who was managing to give her a second chance after fucking everything up—she couldn’t mess this up. “Tell me what you want from me, baby.” She told, voice, slightly shaking. “Please.”

You furrowed you eyebrows, finding her nervousness endearing. Taking her hand, while keeping her eyes embraced by yours, you place her hand over your throbbing pussy. “I want you here…” You release a breath that comes from your diaphragm. Adding fuel to fire, you began rolling against her palm. “I wanna feel you…” Taking your other hand, you pull her down to speak in her ear. “Inside of me.” You moaned, airily, getting lost in the touch that you orchestrating. Pushing your head back into the fluffy pillows lining your headboard.

Her arms weakened, falling atop of you. She situated herself, straddling one of your legs to keep them open. Scissoring your clit with her middle and ring finger, warming you up before she inserted a finger into your weeping slit. Exhaling, shakily, at the feeling of your tight walls gripping her middle finger—you basically sucked her in.

Plotting your lips along her jaw, you couldn’t suppress expressions of pleasure that trickled from your mouth. Moaning against her pale, freckled skin as she curled her fingers inside you at a sickeningly slow pace. “Fast— ah… Faster, Els.”

She locked her eyes with yours, ingesting that blissed look on your features. “I wanna take my time with you…” Ellie kissed your lips, savoringly. “Wanna remember every sound, every look on that pretty face…” She kissed you, again. Deeper and full of unbridled passion. You could’ve came right there, looping your arm around her neck, trying to find something to hold onto.

Her touch lit your body on fire, and still, tried to restrain the sounds you made because of it. Sweat beaded in the crevices of you body, but she licked it up like sweet saccharine fruit juice. Truly, you believed she’d be at your mercy, writhing underneath you—first, at that! But, the minute you guided her, letting her know that you really wanted her; she completely gave in. Making you the one to writhe and call out for her.

Her firm ministrations felt like hours, adding another finger, brushing that spongey place inside of you enough to cause endless shaking and trembling. Borderline convulsing. There was such love in her eyes, watching you yelp and whine for her. Not even her sloppy, filthy kisses could completely hide the sounds you were making.

Clenching her hair in your hands, you felt your walls clenching around her fingers. “Fuck, Ellie… Just like that.” You whisper, proceeding it with guttural moan against her skin. The sound of your wetness filling your ears, pushing you closer to that edge. “Jus— ah f-fuck.” You cursed, rolling your hips against her.

Focusing her olive eyes on your face, she rolled your clit with her thumb. Making you grip the pillow behind your head with one hand, while your other gripped her hair hard enough to cause her a bit of pain. She whined at your touch, unable to look away from you. Freezing the frame of your mouth parted, making an ‘O’ shape, as she made love to you.

When that knot snapped in the pit of your stomach, she jumped to swallow your loud moans. Still, fucking her fingers into you to ride out your high. Your free leg snapping shut, clamping her fingers between the strength of your thighs. She pulled her fingers from your cunt, leaning back from your lips to eye the slick surrounding her fingers. Licking from the base of them, she sucked them into her mouth.

You watched her in awe, rubbing your legs together, still throbbing for her. Ellie was an absolute pervert when it came do you—could you get anymore turned on? She had no resolve, just like she said. You smash your lips against hers, growling at the taste of yourself. Your fingers begin to yank at her sweats, with the remaining amount of strength you have. “Why are these still on?”

“Because you didn’t take ‘em off.” She panted against your skin, falling back onto her back.

You chortled, pulling the pants from her hips. Musing at the striped boyshorts that clung to her, ogling the wet spot that seeped through the cloth. Your fingers lightly rubbed over the spot, grazing her erect clit on purpose accident. Her hips bucked up at you, a soft sigh leaving her parted lips. “These are cute.” You say before pulling them down her legs, flicking them off the side of the bed. “That’s me acknowledging your effort. See how easy that was?"

“I did acknowledge your effort…” Ellie whined, feeling your soft lips against her chest leading to her breasts. When you sucked her nipple into you mouth, pinching the other, she gasped. You hummed against her, slotting your leg between hers. She couldn’t help but grind herself against your thigh, groping your ass in the process.

Switching to the other lonesome breast, popping the right from your lips, you spoke. “No worries, baby, I forgive you.”

Impatiently, she humped your leg, panting under you as you suckled on her. Slowly, moving down her toned abdomen—licking and nibbling on her freckled skin. As if she were some sweet dessert on a silver platter all for you; taking your time. Popping your lips from her, you pressed her hips into the mattress. Ceasing her needy thrusts. “It’s my turn now, Els. Gotta be patient f’me. Can you do that?” You look up at her through your lashes, grinding against her glistening cunt.

Similar to how one would dangle a treat before a puppy—to get them to do what you want.

Her scarred eyebrow furrowed, nodding her head, feverishly. “Uh huh... Yeah,” Ellie’s breath hitched in her throat, watching you trail your lips closer to where she really wanted you.

She spread her legs for you, as you kissed around her mauve pussy. Gripping her firm thighs, prolonging that feeling of anticipation. Ellie threw her head back into the pillows, groaning in frustration. But she knew she couldn’t rush you—you never liked to be rushed.

Leaning your head on the inside of her thigh, you ran a finger through her wet folds, snickering to yourself. Did Cat ever make you this wet? You thought, sliding her slick over her clit.

“Never…” Ellie responded, leaning on her elbows looking down at you between her legs. You paused, not realizing that you said your thoughts aloud. Her swollen lips pulled into a shit-eating smirk; she was egging you on. It was villainous, nefarious even, to bring up her girlfriend during this moment. That may have not been your intention, but Ellie couldn’t have cared less.

All she cared about was how your fingers played with her, dredging moans from the lowest parts of her stomach. Making her have to cover her mouth with her tattooed forearm--Cat never made her do that. Not often, anyway.

You slung one of her legs over your shoulder, pushing the other against the mattress—diving into her cunt with your tongue. She was just as sweet as your remembered, like tree sap, and you sucked her up as such. Switching between thrusting your tongue into her hole, and suckling her clit; popping it from your mouth like it was candy.

She writhed because of your touch, lifting her hips off the bed as if she wanted to get away from you—but both of you knew that wasn’t true. You just pressed harder into her, making out with her pussy. Time was nothing but a construct to you between her legs; you had all the time in the world to make her feel good. Fingers grazing the strip of auburn hair leading to where your lips met—a landing strip.

You couldn’t have been happier, pleasing her so!

Sweet, pitchy moans came from her, the ones that slipped from around the forearm she bit—trying to be mindful. But, when you slipped two fingers into her, keeping your lips wrapped around her throbbing bud, a high-pitched shriek released. You moaned into her pussy, fluttering your eyes shut at the sounds she was making. It was music to your ears.

Feeling her eyes on you, half-lidded and dark than usual, you look up. “S— So fucking g— good… Uh!” She stammered, breathing heavily as she neared her climax. Collecting spit in your mouth, you dribbled it from your mouth. A glob of saliva mixed with her cum falling onto her blushing bud. Ellie moaned your name in a way that sent chills down your spine. Curling your hips into the mattress.

Her inner walls tighten around your curling fingers, letting you know that she was close. But that’s when you pulled away, massaging her tense thigh. Ellie sobbed, banging her fist against the bed. “You’re being such an asshole, baby. Nothing's every straight forward with you." She complained, rolling her hips against nothing as you switched positions.

Baby, baby, baby… You loved when she called you that. Even when you were the one calling the shots.

“Am I really…?” You breath, crawling up her body. Intertwining your legs, your pulsating buds meeting at the center of you.

“Ngh…” She whined at the contact, looking between the middle of your glistening bodies. “You're fuck-- fucking insane... Uh...” Ellie pleaded, words breaking up as you began rutting against her. Her wide eyes looking up at you as a grin stretched onto your lips; riding her into next fucking week.

Gripping onto her thigh, juices mixing at the center of you. You lifted her leg over your shoulder, surprising yourself with how flexible she was. Sloppily, you dragged your lips against her calf, unable to hold the sounds of pleasure coming from your throat.

“F— Fuck, yeah… Yeah!” Her orgasm hit her like a ton, causing her to shake under your quick rutting. Ellie’s eyes squeezed shut at the overwhelming feeling of her climax, sucking in a taut breath—not realizing that you weren’t stopping.

She began to squirm under you, gripping your thigh, trying to push you off. Whining and sobbing, but when you leaned down, hooking her leg under your arm—pressing your chest against hers, delicately kissing her flushed freckled skin; Ellie held onto you. One hand supporting your rutting hips, the other gripping your hair; moaning and breathing into your ear as a personal boost.

Although, she was overstimulated, she begged you to kiss her. “Please, kiss me— I wanna kiss you, baby…” Ellie babbled, wanting that intimacy of skin to skin—she wanted nothing but your lips as you came undone; just like the first time.

The rhythm of your hips began to falter, hinting at your release. Inhaling, sharply, you whined against her lips. Finally slowing your hips down to a sensual roll. You released her leg, settling comfortably between her thighs—lazily making out with her. Her hands cradled your back, holding you with a sort of gentleness only she could harbor.

She began to pepper kissing at the corner of your lips, toward your cheek. It was innocent and full of… Love.

This wasn’t for the thrill of anything but reuniting with a first love again.

Your eyes were shut, melting into her sweet touch. “Ellie,” You chanted, furrowing your brows. Uh oh. “Ellie,” You repeated, trying to get her attention.

“Mhm.” She answered, finding your eyes with her round ones. Looking up at you like you were the only woman in the world. Despite all of what you just did, there was so much innocence in her deep, evergreen eyes.

Your features grew hot under her gaze, eyes welling up with hearty tears. Lips quivering, working a sob up in your throat. Crawling off of her, you stuff your face into your pillows—trying to cover up the embarrassment that was crying after sex.

The only thrill that was apparent was your love for her. She made your heart jump and skip a beat—nobody else could do that. You thought that hooking up would’ve made things easier, but it was the total opposite; things just got so much harder because now there’s so much more to hide.

“Woah,” Ellie turned on her side, reaching for you as you hid from her. Her hands massages your shoulders and caressed your skin to soothe you. “Sex with me is so bad that I made you cry?” She rasped, chuckling under her breath, joking.

You peer over your shoulder, sniffling. “What? No. No, Ellie, you were perfect— more than perfect.” Gaining some courage, you turned on your side to face her. And, Ellie couldn’t keep her eyes off you, or her hands.

Lightly, she collided the palm of her hand with the side of your ass, squeezing your warm flesh. “Then, what’s the problem? You know I don’t like seeing you cry…” She spoke, wiping away the tears that were staining your cheeks.

Seeing how gentle she was with you only made you want to cry more—sob into her actually. “It’s just… When you leave my room tonight… You’re going back to her— to Cat.” You mutter, holding onto her wrist that connected to your face. “I’m being selfish, Els— just like you wanted. I don’t want you to go back to her.”

She scooted closer to you, looping her arms around your neck. “I thought you were going to reject me, again.” Ellie chortled, placing a chaste kiss on your nose. You rolled your eyes, leaning into her arm. “You know, for your appearance and shit—“

“Ellie, shut up. I’m trying to be serious.”

That lovely boyish laugh came from her as she tucked her head into your neck. Clinging to you like a bear holding onto a stiff tree. Ellie had always been a bit of a cuddle bug. “I’m being serious, too. But… Go on, babe.”

You dragged your fingers along her back, causing her to shift a little bit. She was awfully ticklish. “I thought we were done for good after your seventeenth— I thought I stopped loving you because of it… I guess that isn’t true, like, at all.” You scoffed at yourself, nuzzling more into your touch. Squeezing your eyes shut as if she were going to slip from you. However, Ellie wasn’t planning on going anywhere—whether you were on top of her, beside her; hell, across the fucking room! She wasn’t going anywhere.

Tears began to well into your eyes again as you clutched her. “I’m so sorry for hitting you, Ellie. I’m so sorry.” You weeped into her shoulder, allowing her warmth to nurse you. “I shouldn’t have done it… I wish I could take it back." You couldn't help but wonder what life would be like if that never happened. Would the two of you still be together?

“It’s okay… I shouldn’t have pushed you like that. Listen, hey,” She pulled back to meet your trembling eyes, still finding ways to wipe your tears. “I know you like the back of my fucking hand. You would’ve never done that if I didn’t say what I said— I should be the one saying I’m sorry. And, I am very sorry.” She spoke from the heart, as your hearts held each other—chest to chest you were; skin to skin. It was all so intimate.

A smile spread on your swollen lips, pushing pieces of her hair behind her ear. “If it makes you feel any better… Joel adopting me is one of the best things that’s ever happened to me.” She leaned in toward your lips, peering at them, entranced. “The other was meeting you.” Her lips met yours, kissing them languidly. You opened up for her, allowing her to explore your mouth with the utmost of trust. Running your hands along her scalp, tugging.

She was such a charmer. The truest of charmers—full of nothing but endearment.

“Are you gonna break up with Cat—?” You pulled back, only a few inches from her face. “That’s not a question, actually… I need you to break up with her.” The truth was, after this spontaneous little hook up, you’ve come to the conclusion of a fundamental truth: Ellie was yours, and you didn’t want to share. First dibs, right?

“I mean, now wouldn’t be the best time. But, I do plan on breaking up with her— how else could I spend more time with you?” She attempted to smooth her words over.

You stiffen, scooting back a bit more to see her. “Okay, so… Can I get a timeline, Ellie?”

The artist sighed, averting her eyes. “I don’t know a timeline, right now— after Thanksgiving? I don’t know.” A wrinkle formed between her thick eyebrows, responding to your charged words. Her tone leaked with defense and it pinched a nerve within you.

“You don’t know?” You questioned, weakly. Quickly, you parted completely from her, swinging your legs over your bed. This wasn’t going to be a mistress situation—you refused for it to be that.

She called your name, sitting up on her elbow and forearm. “Baby, don’t be like that—“

“I’m not being like anything, baby.” You mock her, standing up to walk over to the shirt you threw to the side. Ellie couldn’t help but ogle your naked frame, sitting up the bed. She even watched you slide on those lace panties she barely noticed before.

“Hey! I was gonna keep those!”

“You snooze, you lose—“ You pick up her clothes, tossing them in her direction. “Get dressed, Ellie.”

Your demeanor had completely changed; it hardened because of her uncertainty. Ellie had been planning to break up with Cat for a long time, but now the pressure was on. Believe it or not, she didn’t want to drop a bomb on her partner during the holiday’s—and they still lived together. Certain arrangements had to be made before she could just break it off. She wanted to be with you, only you, but there was still a lot to think about.

You stand with your arms crossed, raising an eyebrow. “Get dressed, please. We have a long day tomorrow-- actually, today.” You gestured you hand: Hurry up, after correcting yourself, glancing at the alamr clock. It was one-something in the morning. Ellie scoffed, shaking her head. She slid on her sweatpants, purposely leaving her boxer shorts behind—slyly tucking them under your pillow. Maintaining eye contact, she pulled her tank top on, attempting to do that thing she always did—lure.

“You can’t seriously be mad at me, y/n…” She pouted, meandering toward you. Placing her hands on your hips, pulling you flush against her. “You can’t possibly want me to break up with her on Thanksgiving.”

“I didn’t say to break up with her today, but an estimated time would suffice.” You assert. “I’m not some side chick, or— or some mistress, whore, or whatever.”

She nodded, pursing her lips, squeezing your hips as an affirmation of want. “You’re right. You’re not any of those things. But Cat and I live together and a good portion of my stuff is under her care— I can’t just break up with her all willy nilly."

“Wow, so now you’re being super thoughtful.” You roll your eyes, scoffing.

Ellie chortled. “I guess you could say… I got some things out of my system.” She leaned toward you, glancing at your lips. But you didn’t press forward, at all. You just stared at her with a raised eyebrow and a subtle smirk on your lips.

“Ha ha. You’re so funny— I’m dying of laughter.” You intone, pulling her hands from your hips. “I’ll walk you down. You have a girlfriend to get back to.”

She rolled her eyes, sliding her feet into a pair of slippers. Opening your door, you led her out of your bedroom, taking the same path down the stairs you made going up. Hoping that the creaking would cease for a moment. “This was supposed to help us, not hurt us…” Ellie whispered, slightly saddened, holding onto your hand.

You sighed, looking over your shoulder. “It didn’t hurt us. I’m just irritated, okay?” When you appeared in front of the back door, you turned on the light. Unable to leave her completely, you walked out onto the porch with her—hand still in yours.

“Don’t be mad at me.” Ellie tugged you close, placing her hands on your shoulders. Sliding up the softness of your neck and jaw. You responded with a shrug, reaching up to hold her wrists. Thumb caressing the soft thin skin, feeling the lumps of her pulsing veins.

The freckled artist leaned forward to plot her lips on yours again, but you spoke before she could do so. “Abby’s comin’ to dinner tonight…”

She paused, dropping her hands from you, immediately. “What the fuck?”

You ran your tongue over your lips. “Consider that me getting you back for; one, bringing her up to my parents, and two, not giving me a timeframe for your stupid breakup with Cat— you’re on thin ice, Ellie Williams. Thin. Ice.”

The auburn-haired woman scoffed, peering off into the dark. “What? You think I care about her? I don’t even know who she is.” She was too stubborn to admit the amount of irritation that boiled inside of her at the sight of that blonde bit--

“Don’t think I didn’t notice how you were looking at her at the Tipsy Bison…” You told, crossing your arms. “The quicker you get rid of Cat, the quicker I get rid of Abby— simple.”

She pinched the bridge of her nose, shaking her head. “You’re so childish.”

“I prefer to call it… Whimsy.” You sneer, sizing her up. “Goodnight, Picasso.” You turn to walk back into your house, but her hand reaches for your wrist.

“I love you… Okay?” It was spoken with an airiness that made your knees weak. Ellie was trying to words on her tongue, feigning confidence. Even though, she was still so unsure about how you felt. The slight, twitching furrow in her brow tugged at your swelling heart.

Your other hand grazed hers, comfortingly. “I love you.” The words came from you with certainty, caressing the exposed skin of her hand. “See you later, I guess. Since it’s morning.”

“Yeah, see you later.” She kissed your hand before hopping off the porch.

You watched her jog back toward the guesthouse for a few minutes before entering the house. Shutting the doors behind you, your body filled with giddiness the moment that you were alone, not realizing there was another presence in the dark kitchen.

On cue, he cut the lights on, standing with his strong arms crossed over his chest. Your breath hitched in your throat, freezing in your bare-footed steps. “I don’t wanna assume nothin'… So, I suggest you start explainin’ what in the hell’s bell’s is goin’ on here.”

Fuck.

taglist: @autisticintr0vert , @liasxeatt , @hopingforgoodblogs , @lia-winther , @macaroni676 , @tobiotruther , @anewkindofloove , @fatbootymuncher , @maiaska , @culuvr , @0phantom0 , @onlinelesbo , @bbnbhm , @lovelaymedown , @lamorenita , @scatapple (some of these weren't showing up but i hope i got everyone who asked)

[twstfanblog]

*~Period Drama~* Tuesday

A/N: SCREAMS. I am...SO SORRY THIS TOOK ME SO LONG. We had to do double time to move out of our house since our landlords decided to fucking sell the property so we had to LEAVE. But it's done and I'm very happy with it and I hope you like it too. Enjoy~! Word Count: 6.7K Warnings: She/They Pronouns OC, Lilia does look and poke at Yuu's genitals Pairings: YuuxJamilxAzulxMalleus (Poly), (Sebek/Silver in the corner) ~Taglist (At this point I'm just adding everyone I've found who was interested in the fic XD) @twistedcece @deltrea @krenenbaker @koebishrimpuwu @cat100200 @emyluwinter @obsessionswithfandoms @ady-hilborn @lucid-stories @girl-nahh-two @itz-hydrodeptus-foxy7 @chyluna @riddlesimps @death-the-jo @a-twistedheartslonging @qixlin @chaosistheonlyway @welcome-to-my-horde @abell2029cluster @kirans-wonderland @coffee-or-hot-cocoa @the-ace-reader @iamsoconfusedallofthetime @chroniccorvus @marvelous-maxi @prolonged-eyecontact @lozplayer @jabberwocky-warrior @thateldribitch @bun-lapin @mel1rose @ladyraeka @ladyzsgolla Start, Part 1 (Octavinelle), Part 2 (Heartslabyul), Part 3 (Savanaclaw), Part 3.5 (Diasomnia pt.1), Part 4 (Here), Part 5 (Pomefiore), Part 6 (Scarabia)

Malleus almost always forgot he even owned a phone, meaning he basically never texted Yuu. So when his personalized text tone played Yuu was quick to stop their sobbing and open his message.

‘May I see you tomorrow?’

Short, simple, sweet, and weirdly formal. Yuu smiled, typing back quickly before the horned fae forgot he owned a phone again.

‘Sure babes. Sorry ive been mia the past few days. Not feeling well. Ill explain when i see you tomorrow.’

‘I should hope so.’

Okay, vaguely rude.

When Malleus had said tomorrow, Yuu assumed he meant during lunch or after classes. Instead, he showed up on their doorstep with his whole family unit and a grumbling Grim in tow at 8am in the goddamn morning. None of them were in uniform, clad in casual comfortable clothing. They clearly planned to spend the whole day with her instead of a simple visit.

She blinks, almost overwhelmed at the sheer…something of the current event, “Hi…It's…really early.”

Lilia smiles, tilting his head as he holds up a large and slightly weathered first aid bag, “We brought gauze!”

Silver holds out his arms, the dire beast scowling but unmoving in his grip, “And Grim.”

“Oh, what beautiful treasures…”

“Enough beating around the unwanted bush.” Malleus steps forward, hands reaching to clasp around Yuu's. Looking into their surprised eyes with determination, “What is this illness and how can I help ease you of it?”

Yuu snorted, closing her eyes in an effort to not start laughing at how seriously Malleus was taking their ‘ailment’, “It'll…It'll pass with time, Malleus. But, luckily, I'm actually feeling a lot better than yesterday.” They step to the side, managing to pull a hand free from Malleus's grip to gesture for the Diasomnia family to enter.

Silver nods his head in thanks, walking into the hall to place Grim down. The cat quickly running further in the house, remarking Yuu still smelled weird, “That's good to hear. Did you use a form of medicine to ease your symptoms?”

Yuu closes the door behind them, Malleus already firmly attached to their side. No doubt the smell of their blood making him hyper-aware of their every movement, “Yeah. Crewel gave me a lecture and a pain potion when he brought me dinner last night. Plus the guttural sobbing I've been doing. But, I think it was mainly because I finally took that body cleansing shit…”

The beat of silence almost makes Yuu burst into laughter again, the four males all looking a level of stunned before Silver shakingly spoke.

“A-ah…That's...good?”

“Yeah, it really realigned my chakras or something.”

“Okay?”

“Yuu, could you tell us exactly what is going on?” Lilia's smile was strained. He had spent most of last night racking his memory of various illnesses. Any that he knew of that dealt with bleeding were things that would have killed Yuu within the hour if they had reached that stage. But to know they'd been bleeding for days? Whatever they had managed to catch was cause for concern. But now knowing it was causing other ailments…it was either a truly deadly disease or it was evolving into one…

“Oh, it's nothing serious. Just the muscles that are causing all this-” Yuu makes a vague gesture to their lower anatomy, “- are the same muscles that handle pooping. So…it was expected to happen…”

There was another beat of silence, each male looking at Yuu's stomach, placing the pieces together slowly as they realized she gestured below her stomach.

“Why…why did you…gesture…down there?” Silver spoke slowly, eyes making quick glances between Yuu's crotch, then to Malleus's blank face, then to Sebek's tearfully bewildered expression. Is…are they…?

Malleus says what all of them were fearfully thinking, “Is the blood coming out of you from your nethers!?”

“Ye.”

Lilia stood still, eyes wide as he openly stared at Yuu's crotch. This was…he had never heard of such a thing…

Malleus's hands quickly grabbed at Yuu's hips, magic flowing from his fingers in his panicked attempts to heal what he could only fear was internal ripping, “Why did no one tell me!?”

“I don't think you should be bleeding from there, Yuu?”

“Silver. Words can not describe how badly I wish I wasn't. But, sadly, yeah, this is completely natural for me to do. I wish I wasn't. I am so full of fucking hatred right now, I am a literal danger to my and everyone else's safety.”

Lilia made quiet work of prying Malleus off of Yuu, though he was clearly still concerned himself, “It's natural to bleed out of your nethers?”

“Where I'm from? Unfortunately yes.” Yuu shrugs, holding Malleus's hand as the horned fae tried to reattach himself to their side, “The pussy is a curse and the price must be paid in blood sadly.” They say it with a level of nonchalance that only has the Diasomnia crew looking at them in worry.

Malleus grips tighter to Yuu's hand, raising it to press a gentle kiss to their knuckles, “Please, there has to be something that can be done to ease this curse…”

“...” Yuu pulled Malleus to the living room, showing the plethora of blankets and pillows on the floor. Empty bottle and snack wrappers pushed to a corner of the rug in an effort to keep the cozy area of the floor clear. Yuu gestures to the darkened room, heavy curtains closed to enhance the perfect sleep environment, “You guys can do whatever around the house. But, if you wanna join me, I was about to lay down in the dark listening to sad music and take a nap.”

Sebek sneers, eyes squinted as he mumbled out, “It's 8am…?”

Yuu whips around, ignoring Malleus's worried fretting for their neck, “Hey, Sebek? You don't need to fucking be here.”

Sebek's sneer turned into a deep frown, his expression clearly showing how badly he wanted to yell back. But with their ‘illness’, plus Malleus's protective stance, he knew he'd quicker be scolded than actually get a sentence out.

“Wow, you are more full of hate. You normally let Sebek get at least four sentences out before telling him to be quiet.” Silver moves to sit on the couch, only to realize that Yuu had removed all of the larger cushions and used them as padding for the floor.

Malleus looked over the sad state of his lover's nest, frowning before he pulled Yuu closer to ask them quietly, “Would you mind if I fixed your nest? This looks…barely functional.”

Yuu smiles, bringing a hand up to pat Malleus's face gently, “Do as you please, Peligroso.” 

Malleus kisses their palm before moving toward the mash-up of cushions, blankets, and - to his distaste - bloody towels. He first deconstructed the mess, organizing the materials he had before coming to the conclusion he needed more.

No one tried to stop Malleus as he walked out of the room, his pupils dilated as he busied himself in nest-making.

“Beastie, are you really well? Mundane for you aside, losing that much blood at a steady pace can't be good for you…” The scent of blood was off at that. Fresh blood was concerning enough, but the smell of old blood was not good if one was actively bleeding.

Yuu waves their hand, sneaking a towel from Malleus's separated piles to sit on, “No need to worry Lils; Crewel’s made sure I've been taking iron supplement potions, plus I'm still taking the multivitamin Riddle demanded I start at the beginning of the year once our beef ended.”

Malleus returns, bulks of blankets and pillows floating behind him into the room. He quickly turns a sharp eye toward Yuu, seeing one of the cleaner towels had been taken from his nest piles. But at seeing their smile, he could only sigh and begin building.

Lilia clicks his tongue, holding the old medical bag in his hands, “Well, I'm not sure how useful this gauze is going to be then if it coming out from such an area…I'm not sure you're open to the idea of it…being inserted.”

“I'm not.”

“Fair.” Lilia removed the bag from his shoulder, allowing it to drop to the ground. Walking closer to Malleus, yet still a few feet away, he started to teasingly offer his unwanted opinion of how his ‘mate’ would like the nest to look.

Silver and Sebek took seats on the ground closer to Yuu, the second year pulling the medical bag into his lap as he started to look through it, “While the gauze may be useless, I think there's some pain ointment still in here. Possibly a potion but it's long bitter by now…Oh.”

From inside the bag, Silver pulled out a simple arm cuff attached to a hand pump and dial. It looked old, but the metal holding it together still shined, “Lend me your arm, I want to check your blood pressure.”

“My blood pressure? Why?” Yuu still held their arm out, letting Silver gently clasp the cuff to their lower bicep, “I haven't felt light headed.”

“You might not have noticed if you've been bleeding as long as you have…” he starts to pump the bulb, the cuff growing tighter, “Just see it as a way for me to get peace of mind…”

Silver and Sebek watch the needle, their expressions slowly turning concerned at the reading.

Sebek whispered under his breath, one of his eyes twitching in annoyance as he reread the result, “Why is it high?”

Yuu blinked, looking at the dial before turning to Silver, “Yeah, that's…normal.”

“...Really?”

“I don't know, man. I'm 16, I've never had to know what my normal blood pressure is.”

Silver sighed, deflating the cuff and removing it, “Did you never take notice of it when you went to the doctor for check ups?”

“Silver, baby boy, I haven't been to the doctor since I was in elementary school. Do you not know how expensive a doctor appointment is?”

“I really hate when you say things like that…” Silver still didn't understand how a simple doctor's visit cost money. It was a universal service, all they'd have to do was walk into the nearest office and simply wait.

Yuu hummed, nodding her head, “I forget that you guys have free healthcare here…I kinda just conditioned myself to be ok with dying since the doctor was so expensive where I'm from.”

Silver sighed, fingers pressing against his temple, “Please, curb that habit. For all of our sakes…”

“You got a will to live in there then?”

“...” Silver looks through the bag, managing to pull out an antique-looking locket that held a graying, grainy photo of a confused-looking Malleus on one side and a more vivid photo of a sleeping infant Silver on the other, “I think this is what father uses?”

“Oh my god?” Yuu couldn't stop the bubbling laughter that started when they spoke. They cover their mouth and gently bring the locket closer to look at the photos. Only now do they realize Malleus in the photo has a small circlet of a crown on his forehead. There was no telling how old the photo was, possibly in a time the first camera was even made and Lilia got his hands on one.

They snort, letting the locket swing from their hand and allow Silver to place it back in the bag, “Ok…that works. I now have the strength to carry on.” From the corner of their eye, they can see Sebek's stern gaze staring into the side of their face, “Yes, Sebek? Can you be helped?”

The half-faes's face pinches together harder, lip curling up into a scowl as he looks away briefly. His mild avoidance was short-lived, turning back to Yuu with an expression of concern, “You're…You're okay now, correct?”

At Yuu and Silver's stunned expressions, Sebek grows more timid, thumbs twiddling together as he clasped his hands, “Ace’s texts didn't give much info. But even knowing that…that didn’t transpire, this is still a worrying state of affairs.” Sebek looks up from his hands, staring into Yuu's eyes with steady resolve, “We have our differences more than anything. But I count you as my comrade in ensuring Waka-Sama’s happiness. Your continued good health would be in the best interest of all!”

It was no secret that Yuu and Sebek did not get along. Their first official meeting was a brawl that neither walked away from unscathed (and Sebek left the fight with a secret he'd be taking to his grave under Lilia's instructions). They bickered, fought, and openly slandered each other every chance they got. Truely, the only things keeping them from killing each other were the facts they shared the same friend group and that Yuu was romantically involved with Malleus. Yuu was sure without those factors, Sebek would have actually declared them an enemy of Briar Valley itself.

So to see and hear the other first-year state that he was concerned was jarring at best. 

Yuu stared at Sebek, the half-fae looking at them with an open and vulnerable expression as he waited for their truth. Honestly, were they ok? It'd been only a few days but this felt like the worst period Yuu had ever had. And seeing how their flow wasn't easing as it normally would, they were sure it was going to be longer than normal too. They were in pain, everyone was treating them as though they would shatter at the slightest inconvenience. They were free bleeding of all things…but, their friends cared and were each trying to make things better. 

Azul and the Tweels had basically tried to cater their every meal, though they kept their distance; mer noses were so sensitive to blood after all. Crewel would come in the evenings with medication and conversation. Riddle was compiling a list of some kind with Jade, but he was using info from their “interview” to figure out ways to ease their symptoms. Ace and Deuce had both swore to actually take notes for once so that they wouldn't fall behind in their classes. Trey had texted a number of times, sneakily trying to gauge their temperament so he could ambush them with baked goods. Cater had sent several photos of wet, angry, disheveled-looking cats with the caption ‘this u?’ whenever they were in a bad mood.

Even just yesterday, Jack had basically appointed himself as their bodyguard, not allowing anyone closer than 2 feet from their person. Ruggie had gone into nursemaid mode and Yuu was mildly terrified at how prepared and willing he was to help them deliver a baby. Even Leona's lazy ass had helped. Held them while they cried all the way to their dorm, calling them at midnight just to check if they were sleeping and not up alone with their thoughts.

And now, the Diasomnia family unit had brought them a first aid kit. Not the correct move, but a show of concern either way. Looking into Sebek's face only cemented how cared for they were by their forged family. Yuu opened their mouth slightly as though to speak, waiting as Sebek perked up, leaning closer to fully hear what they were about to say.

Instead of words, all that escaped Yuu's mouth was a burp that traveled directly into Sebek's face.

The half-fae sputters, annoyance growing at Silver's near silent ‘Excuse you’ to the other human. He wiped at his face as though he could remove the air, growling before he pointed a finger at Yuu's smug little grin, “You should have been killed when your mother birthed you!”

“Sebek.”

Sebek quickly placed his hand in his lap, frowning hard as he looked down in an odd mixture of shame and anger. Malleus had turned around and scolded him almost instantly. The dragon fae was frowning, eyes filled with a disappointment only an older sibling could give. He stared long enough until Sebek finally relented and spoke through gritted teeth at Yuu.

“My deepest apologies. You are injured and I have no reason to…antagonize you. Please, forgive me…”

“Did that hurt to say, Sebek?”

Silver placed a hand on Yuu's shoulder, trying to not sigh or laugh their antics, “Yuu…”

Yuu smiled, tilting their head and nodding, “Apology accepted, Sebek. Just don't be mean to me, okay~?”

Translation; I'm going to milk this for your whole visit.

Sebek's frown curled so tight it could only be called a pout. But seeing how he didn't speak further, Yuu turned to speak directly to the 3rd years only to choke mildly at the new impressive structure taking up space adjacent to the fireplace.

What was once their sad faux floor bed set up was a large blanket nest. Pillows tastefully lining the sides for support and comfort, blankets laid together to cover the couch cushions while some were still free to wrap in. A large throw blanket suspended in the air by magic cloaks the whole structure like an open tent. It looked cozy, it looked inviting. Yuu almost hated how proud Malleus looked of his work.

“...” Yuu rolled their eyes, trying to hide their blush as they turned away from Malleus's increasingly smug face, “Ok, your nest is very impressive. Are you proud of yourself?”

“Not until you are in it.”

Lilia spoke quietly, eyes giving Malleus a playful warning look as he chuckled, “Remember you two, we're here with you…”

Yuu laughs, standing from their towel and stretching, “Alright, nap time.” They take care to place down the towel, climbing into the nest and making themselves comfortable in the structure. They had no actual animal-based DNA, but they felt the need to curl up and sleep for DAYS from their new cozy spot. Malleus had built the nest well.

Opening their eyes, they could barely stop the snort that tried to escape them. Malleus was pressed against the side of the nest, eyes wide and focused on them. Yuu tilted their head, smiling widening as Malleus tilted his head in response, “You wanna join me?”

The question makes Malleus lean back, eyes almost bulging out of his head before he manages to school his features, “So bold…As always.” He laughs from behind his hand, “I’m happy to see you are in better spirits compared to yesterday.”

Yuu casts him a confused glance, wondering just when the dragon fae had seen them yesterday. While Malleus made himself comfortable beside them, they looked at the remaining Diasomnia unit standing at attention around the nest, “You guys coming in?”

Lilia snorts, ignoring Mallues’s glare demanding they refuse Yuu’s invitation, “Are you sure, Beastie? We wouldn’t want to intrude…” His eyes lock on Malleus’s, communicating silently that if Yuu invited them into their nest, it’d be rude to deny their request.

“I mean I invited you in the first place.” They gesture to the empty space beside them and Malleus, “Plus, this thing has room for like four more people…”

Malleus mumbles under his breath, an arm wrapping around Yuu’s middle and bringing them closer to his body to nuzzle into their hair, “Or eight children…”

“What?”

“Hm?” Malleus pulls from their hair, smiling at their confused face before making himself comfortable against them again.

Lilia actually laughs this time, “Well, if you insist.”

Everyone climbs into the nest; Lilia pressed against Malleus’s side with Silver beside him already half asleep. Sebek had begrudgingly made his place beside Yuu, huffing as the human offered their hand to hold. Neither of them speaking when Sebek does grip their hand gently. Once everyone had seemed cozy, Yuu retrieved their phone from their pajama pants pockets, opening their ‘sad times’ playlist to start playing music. But the sound of a thud rings out from the kitchen, everyone turning to the noise in mild suspense. Soon, Grim enters the room with a bag of cookies clutched in his mouth.

Yuu raises an eyebrow but helps Grim climb his way into the nest, the cat curling up against their side squished between them and Sebek, “Was that you? Did you fall off of something-hold on.” They grab the bag of cookies from Grim, frowning once they realize what they were holding, “Are these the good cookies? You little shit, you said you ate the last of them!”

Grim grumbled, curling up tighter to Yuu’s side and swatting at their hand tugging on his ear, “I lied! You always hog them so when you left one day I hid them to snack on myself…But…” He huffed, looking at them from the corner of his eyes, “I think you need them more than I do…”

“...” Yuu sniffled, fanning their face as tears started to build in their eyes, “Grim…Grim…” They take a shuddering breath, ignoring the others watching them in worry, “I already threw up like twice yesterday from crying so hard, I’m not doing it again.”

“Parden?” Malleus’s brows creased. When did they throw up!? Just how severe was this illness?

Yuu waves his concerns off, tapping onto their ‘Sad Vibes’ playlist, setting it to shuffle before they connect to the lounge speakers, “It's not important, Malleus. I'm not gonna cry. We're gonna lay down in the dark and listen to sad songs and sleep.”

Sebek mumbles from beside Yuu, his free hand petting a softly purring Grim, “That seems to be the perfect setting to cry in…?”

Lilia gives Yuu a worried glance but doesn't agree nor disagree. He instead places a hand on Malleus’s shoulder, a silent effort to calm the dragon's fussing, “Well, if we're going to listen to music, just none of that Mitsuki woman please…”

Silver blinks his eyes open, tiredly looking to Lilia, “But I like the dog song.”

“...” Lilia sighs, his arm moving to wrap around Silver's shoulders and bringing him closer, “I…I know…”

Yuu tearfully laughed, laying their head onto a softly fretting Malleus. Their weak laughter breaks from teary into genuine amusement as the first song starts.

My baby, my baby…

Leaning over Malleus, snickering as the dragon fae gently presses her head back down to his chest as a silent command to sleep, Yuu whispers to Lilia, “I’m sorry…”

Lilia’s smile is strained, his grip on a sleeping Silver slowly increasing as he fought against his own emotions, “No you're not…”

The nap lasted far too long, Malleus thought to himself. The dragon fae didn't actually sleep, but he kept watch of his family as they did. Silver of course slept, curled up in Lilia's intense embrace before the bat general eased into a light sleep. Though Sebek had been the most against the nap, he had dozed off not long after Silver. One hand still gripping onto Yuu’s while the other resting on a snoring Grim's back.

Yuu was out almost immediately after Sebek, a content smile on their face as they curled up to Malleus's chest. A smile he watched slowly fade through the hours. A common occurrence as one slept, something he's learned from years of watching Silver. What concerned him were the twitches and grimaces of pain that started to increase the longer they stayed asleep. He didn't want to wake Lilia to ask for advice, the older fae having spent most of his night in worry over Yuu's condition and it didn't help he wasn't a morning person normally.

But if the discomfort was enough to affect Yuu's sleep, it was no wonder they felt the need to nap so early in the morning. They possibly hadn't slept the night before from pain alone. He had spent a few moments thinking how he could help, an arm around their waist and a hand pressed to their lower stomach to ease magic from his fingertips. His healing magic wasn't nearly as refined as he wanted. No matter how much magic he poured in, there were no wounds to be closed on the surface. But he could feel how Yuu would curl into his palm, almost trying to trap the heat close to them.

So for the past two hours he laid in a nest with his fiancé, his father, his brother, his brother's ‘friend’, and a cat; palm pressed just above his lover's mysteriously bleeding anatomy to act as a glorified hot water bottle.

Though he had no true method of knowing, he felt as though his grandmother was laughing at his predicament.

And while he did find the lyrics and vocals of Miss Amy Lee to be rather enchanting, he felt relieved to hear the music stop playing abruptly and a shrill beeping take its place. He couldn't help but smile, listening to everyone minus Silver groan at the sound of the alarm. Lilia huffed, snuggling his nose into Silver's hair while the human knight remained perfectly asleep. Sebek had pouted but still sat up, blinking in mild confusion as to where he was. Yuu had tried to bury their head in the space between his arm and chest, a hand reaching out blindly to no doubt silence the alarm.

As much as Malleus enjoyed his loved ones sleeping peacefully around him, he didn't think letting them sleep anymore was the correct choice. He smiled, easily catching Yuu's hand to gently kiss their knuckles, “My dear. I do believe your nap is over now.”

Yuu groans, but doesn't try to pull away, “At least turn the alarm off…”

Lilia clicks his tongue, finally pulling away from Silver to sleepily reach for Yuu's still blaring phone, “I got it…”

“Thanks-ack!” They were batted in the face by Grim's increasingly annoyed tail, the dire beast fighting to stay asleep from the rising noise. A move that had Yuu sneezing after a few moments.

The fae and Grim instantly snapped to attention. Yuu's sneeze was quickly followed by an overwhelming scent of blood. The sudden change in the atmosphere instantly waking Silver. Sebek had tightened his grip on Yuu's hand, almost as though he were helping them to brace against pain. Grim scrambled away from their side, moving to frown and shake from the other side of Sebek.

Malleus brought both his arms to wrap around Yuu's body. How could he let his guard down in such a way? They were sick. Why did he assume a nap was the correct choice to make? They should be in the care of a professional. Now they had clearly torn something, or something had hemorrhaged and they were bleeding out internally-

Lilia turned the alarm off, quickly kneeling and placing his hands on Yuu's knees, “Yuu, I know you said this was natural. But this is concerning. As your future midwife, I implore you allow me to check there isn't actual damage to yourself.”

“I- Lilia, I'm fine. I just sneezed.” Sneezing on one’s period was never nice, sure. Yuu fully felt as though they just forced out half their bladder even though they knew that wasn't the case. “It happens sometimes. The clenching just makes blood come out.”

Malleus growls, his arms tightening around Yuu's body. Lilia was right. No matter how much Yuu claimed it was normal and routine, they shouldn't be bleeding like this, “My love, please. Let him check. Lilia has more medical training than possibly anyone on campus. Just allow him to check.”

“Malleus-”

“Please…” Malleus pleads, concern clear on his and the other's face.

“...” Yuu rolls their eyes but starts to shimmy their pajama pants down, “Fine. If it'll calm you down.”

Sebek and Silver instantly look away, though both shuffle closer in an act to box Yuu in so that no one else could see the human’s privates.

Lilia was quiet, eyes looking unblinkingly at what he could only describe a mess. He was careful, only touching Yuu's anatomy for brief moments to send pings of magic through the flesh to search for opened wounds. But other than the blood he couldn't find anything that would call for concern. Leaning back he sighed, bringing the back of his hand to rub at his eyes, “By the Seven, this is a mess…”

“Wow, Lilia. I'm so happy you're here to stare into my abyss and call it a fucking mess.” Yuu glared, hoping their voice carried just how annoyed they were, “Really, I'm so glad.”

“My apologies, Beastie. I just haven't seen a vagina in this bloody a state since Sebek was born…”

Sebek half turned around, expression vaguely disgusted and horrified, “What?”

Yuu snorts, shaking Sebek’s hand still holding theirs in a way of gaining his attention, “Wow, Sebek, way to wreck your mom’s pussy.”

Sebek retaliated, using their still joined hands to twist and force Yuu’s arm into a painful bend. Yuu had quickly tried to escape his hold, both by wiggling their trapped arm and also using their free hand to slap at Sebek’s face while making repeated yelps of pain. Sebek had managed to dodge only a few hits until a bolt of lightning hit just outside, the flash sending the room into a blinding state before the light faded. Malleus glared down at Sebek, silently demanding the half-fae release his fiance.

Once freed, Yuu instantly pointed toward Sebek while looking at Lilia with wide eyes. Their tone coming out vaguely whining and childish, “He twisted my arm!”

Sputtering, Sebek looked between Yuu and Lilia. Pointing back at her while he looked at Lila pleading that he hears him out, “She talked about my mother’s vagina!”

“...” Lilia sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose before speaking, “Sebek, don’t twist Yuu’s arm; she’s already in pain. Yuu, don’t talk about Sebek’s mother’s vagina; you know he doesn’t like that.”

“Did that hurt to say?” Silver looked at his father, half joking but delivered in such a painfully serious way that Lilia could only sigh harder.

Malleus’s expression only grew more concerned, arms wrapping tighter around Yuu and allowing his palms to heat a bit more. He only relaxed as Yuu themselves eased a bit more in his hold, “Yuu, please. Tell me what is causing this, If not for your own sake, but my own, I need to know. I have never been more distressed and on edge than these past few days. It isn't helpful either that you continue to be nonchalant, I dare say you've hurt my feelings with how you've been handling this…

“...” Yuu takes their time to pull their pajama pants back up, moving to sit up fully to look at Malleus directly, “Malleus, you're completely valid for feeling upset with me about all of this. In hindsight, I really should have just told you guys instead of disregarding Crewel’s attempts to keep this on the downlow for the sake of campus sanity. I fucked up, I will take that L. But I want you to know and consider that I have been in pain, tired, sad, and enraged both consistently and erratically for days. Do you really think the correct choice right now is to complain to me…about how my period…is making you feel?”

…

Malleus blinked, eyes darting to Lilia who only shook his head at Malleus's silent question. He looked down, then back to Yuu who was staring at him silently, almost waiting for him to answer incorrectly, “...I would still like to discuss this at a later date…when you are well again.”

“I'll make sure to set a meeting up with Azul, so that we both remember. Thank you for understanding…” Yuu's mood does a 180, now smiling and trying to stand from Malleus's arms, “Anyway, it's like noon now right? I know I have a bunch of stale tortillas and shredded cheese in the kitchen so we can make quesadillas-”

Malleus refused to remove his arms from around Yuu, basically pulling the human back into his lap, “I would like to speak about why you're dodging my question though.”

Yuu hummed, looking up to Malleus's face as they slowly twisted a strand of their hair, “...What are you talking about?”

“You are…well aware of what I've been asking you.”

“I'm really not.”

“Yuu-”

“You're sounding crazy right now.”

Malleus scoffs, rolling his eyes playfully, “Don't attempt to gaslight me. I keep asking you what caused this ailment or how I can ease this plague and you…don't answer me.” Malleus narrows his eyes, arms wrapping tighter against Yuu's body when they subtly tried to move away from him again, “Do you simply wish to…not tell me?”

“...” Yuu sighed, resting their head against Malleus’s shoulder. They smile, looking up into his eyes with a soft affection, “You know I love you right?”

“Your feminine wiles aren't getting you out of this. Answer my question.”

Silver speaks up, still rubbing the sleep from his eyes, “Malleus, they may not have an answer as to what caused it…”

Sebek grunts from Yuu's side, eyes casting a worried look back to the other freshman's covered anatomy, “If they don't know what caused it then that's even more concerning. This could be a serious medical emergency and we're all twiddling our thumbs because the one who's ill says they're fine.”

“I am fine. I just…don't wanna say why this happens…”

Lilia perks up, raising an eyebrow as he rests his chin on Yuu's now pressed together knees, “So this illness is triggered?”

“Yes? No?” Yuu huffs, raising their hands in a form of defeat, “It just happens man. But like…for a reason.”

Malleus frowned, almost pouting as he gently moved Yuu's chin to make them look directly into his eyes, “Yuu. My dear. I'm deeply concerned. Please, just tell me what causes this so we may prevent it…”

“...” Yuu sighs, closing their eyes before opening them, “...This happens when I don't get pregnant.”

…

Silver fully turns to Yuu, eyes focusing on the other human as though he could physically see through what he begged was a lie, “Are…Are you serious?”

“Like the fucking heart attack that will take Sebek out one day.”

“Hey-”

“Oh!” Malleus smiles, his eyes shining to the point Yuu was certain they were glowing, “This is easily fixed then.”

Yuu continued to smile, shaking their head knowing what the dragonfae was going to suggest, “...Malleus…”

“I simply need to impregnate you. Then you won't be affected by this plague again.”

“...” Yuu sighed, “No…”

“...” Malleus's expression falls back into an angered pout, “Why not?”

“It doesn't work that way…”

“...” His expression deepens, “How does it not ‘work that way’ exactly?”

Lilia patted Yuu's leg, flicking his head toward the entryway of the lounge as a silent command to Sebek and Silver, “We're gonna go…”

Yuu turned away from Malleus, blinking at Lilia in astonishment as the fae and other Diasomnia pair stand up, “Now why the fuck would you do that?”

Silver was kind enough to scoop Grim into his arms, the dire beast still shivering from the sudden scent of blood, “We’ve come to an agreement that we’d leave the room when you two start fighting.”

“We aren’t even fighting…” Yuu muttered under their breath, making a point to not look toward Malleus’s upset face. They’re pretty sure they’d start giggling at how frustrated he’s being about this.

Sebek shakes his head, already walking out of the room, “You become incredibly uncivil to everyone when you and Waka-Sama have disagreements. Lilia-Sama is right in having us leave the area before you two really start…”

“We aren’t fighting?”

“We’re fighting a little…” Malleus mutters under his breath, glaring off to the side.

Yuu glares over their shoulder, “No, we aren’t.”

Lilia walked behind Silver, holding his hands up as they left the room, “We’re gonna go. We'll make you two those quesadillas!” He ignored Yuu’s wide eyed stare, closing the doors of the lounge behind him and leaving Yuu and Malleus alone in the room.

The silence was loud, the two of them sitting comfortably in the nest. After a few more moments of quiet, Yuu sighs loudly, tucking their head to Malleus's chest and nuzzling into him gently.

Malleus sighs himself, leaning down to press a kiss to the crown of Yuu's head, “My love…please. You're hurting and I don't understand why you won't let me help in the best way I can…”

“Because it wouldn't actually help, Malleus.” They felt bad. It hadn't really hit them just how out of the realm of reality their period was to everyone. Sure the event itself could be scary in their old world, the amount of first period horror stories only grew as the years went on. But to have no frame of reference… the concept of a period sounded downright terrifying.

“How?” Malleus huffed, an air of frustration growing. Were they joking around? Deliberately speaking in circles to annoy him as a tease? “You said this happens if you don't get pregnant. If you get pregnant, then you will not have to deal with this ailment.”

At Yuu's own frustrated sigh, Malleus's eyes widen, “Is…is it too late?” A feeling of guilt starts to grow in him. Were they meant to be impregnated at a specific time? Had a window of opportunity been missed? Was this the rest of Yuu's life now; bleeding out of their intimates and crying so hard they were forced to purge?

Yuu couldn't help but chuckle at Malleus's face, reaching up to bring the worried fae closer for a gentle kiss. They speak as they pull away, “Calm down. This isn't going to last forever and I'll be back to normal by the end of the week at worst.”

Malleus curls around them, his hand still a gentle heat on their lower stomach, “But why wouldn't we simply skip this and just…start our agreement now? If the trigger for this ailment is that you weren't impregnated, why can't we have our child now so that you won't have to suffer this way.”

“I'll be honest with you, Malleus. It's literally because I don't wanna be a teen mom; that's the main reason. But also…there's no guarantee my period would stop during a pregnancy. Plus it'll still come back like a few months after having the baby…”

“...” Malleus pulls away from Yuu, staring at them in a silent state of confusion but his eyes were screaming, “Why…would you get the period…if you're pregnant? Isn't that…you stated you get your period if you don't get pregnant?”

“That is correct, yes.”

“...But…you could also…get your period…if you are pregnant?”

“Ye…”

“...”

Another long stretch of silence passed in the room and Yuu felt as though they could physically see the gears turning in Malleus's head. Double checking the math one would say.

“...Then what's the point of it?”

Yuu snickers under their breath, “Well, I don't think I'm knowledgeable enough to really give you the TED talk about the Tree of Knowledge and the original sin…”

“...” Malleus placed a hand on their forehead, “Are you…have you gained a fever? Is delirium a symptom of your period?”

“I'm not crazy, shut up.” Yuu pushes Malleus's hand off of their face with a grin. Cozying back into his embrace, one of their hands resting on his pressed to their lower stomach, “Periods are weird and horrible and I do not have the answers you're seeking sadly.”

Malleus could only sigh, feeling a pit growing in his mind and heart as he felt his uselessness to his love in this situation, “Is there anything you'll allow me to do? I only wish to help you during this…”

Yuu hums, reaching up to gently cupping Malleus's cheek, “This is plenty. Just…hold me and tell me you love me…”

“I love you, dear.” Malleus smiles, soft and kind as he nuzzled into Yuu's palm, “Though I'm loathed and disconcerted, I'm delighted to know I can at least help in this way…”

“I am too. You surprisingly make a great heating pad.”

Malleus moves to remove his hand, “Oh, is my hand too warm-”

Yuu quickly grips at Malleus's hand, face still calm and content but their fingernails bite into the fae's skin, “If you take this hand off of my body I will rip your spine out of you through your asshole.”

“Ah…”

They sat in comfortable silence, Malleus only mildly terrified at the visual of his spine being removed from his body by force. Their serene atmosphere half ended by Lilia happily bursting into the room with a plate of slightly charred quesadillas.

“Lunch time~!” Lilia walked to the nest, kneeling down and holding out the least burnt tortilla to Yuu's face, “Pspspspspspsps.”

Yuu's eyes snap open, a wild smile on their face as Malleus chuckled and kept them locked in his arms, “Lilia Vanrouge, I will break the fucking bones in your ears. Did Cater tell you to do this!?”

[sleepingdeath-light]

lashing out at younger sibling figure reader hcs ; angel dust

requested by ; anonymous (13/12/22)

fandom(s) ; hazbin hotel

fandom masterlist(s) ; here

character(s) ; angel dust

outline ; “Would you be willing to write a light angst request?

(If yes, keep reading, If not, then ignore or delete this ask ^^)

Platonic!Angel Dust x fem!13 y/o!reader,

In wich the reader has very bad trust issues (because, she is in hell ¿Who WOULDN'T have trust issues there?) but somehow managed to form a strong fraternal bond with Angel.Ç

Or that's until one day Angel comes pretty bruised up to the Hotel thanks to Valentino and when reader tries to help him he snaps and yells at her/throw something her way paralizying the reader in her tracks and then she just starts taking step backs with her scared expresion trying to get away from Angel because he scared her???

And when he tries to reach out for her to reassure her it was just a reflex action the reader runs away from him practically crying because she thought he was going to hurt her???”

warning(s) ; canon typical violence, referenced (canon-typical) sexual abuse and sexual exploitation, implied child abuse

note ; this request actually confused me a little bit so the content below the cut might not be a 1-to-1 match for what the anon intended — also shaky characterisation as the show technically isn’t even out yet…

when you first met you’d been so alone and afraid, freshly dead and freshly freed of the horrors you’d faced in your short life only to be faced with a new sort of hell

body new and changed and not fully your own but still yours as you regained control of your limbs — dead heart thumping, aching lungs burning for the pungent hell air, legs and arms trembling, new eyes watery and blurred as you stumbled and fell and stumbled some more

sobbing and scared and alone until you caught sight of a limousine and a figure that would become the most important person in your life

angel was curt and uncertain when he noticed you, panicking and stumbling over his words as he slowly approached you and helped you to your feet — talking you down from your fears as he helped you adjust to your new body

‘one step at a time, kid, there we go,’

‘you’re okay, it’s alright,’

‘shit… you look so young,’

‘take my hand — any of them, just pick — and i’ll help you up,’

‘left, right, left, right, there you go,’

his words were encouraging and his voice was unusually soft and once you finally got the hang of walking you didn’t let go of his hand and the two of you stood on that street corner and spoke

you asked him who he was and where you were — he sighed and answered and held you as you cried, his fluff comforting and soft as he hugged you

he asked you who you were and your age and you answered, sobs getting louder as you realised what had happened and his hold on you got even tighter

he told you to wait and promised to take care of you whilst he dealt with his last client — making you sit down somewhere safe in the interim until he could come and collect you properly

then, once he was done, he took you back to the hotel with him and made the others promise to look after you — to not hurt you

and once he told them your age you swore that the room got a lot heavier

but they let you stay, putting you up in the room across from angel’s since he seemed to be the only one you really trusted

(being cautious about talking to the others and fearfully refusing any help offered by nifty or charlie — which broke their hearts but they left you be)

and things stayed that way for a while: living in the hotel, gradually starting to trust the others (very gradually), and getting closer to angel — who you’d started to refer to as your big brother

(which he adored and would return in kind — he felt good being able to take care of someone else, honestly, and you reminded him a bit of his sister, how she was when they were alive anyway… he hadn’t seen her in decades)

it was the most peaceful time of your life (afterlife?) and you were so grateful for having been able to find something so stable in somewhere like hell — until it all came crashing down after seven blissful months

until angel came back to the hotel after being out of contact for a week, covered in bruises and blood and cuts and black eyes as far as you could do

unable to walk without aid and stumbling with each step like a new born or a drunk

unable to let out a shuddering, wet breath without coughing up phlegm and blood

grasping at his chest and wincing with every small movement of his body

a broken man… well, even more of a broken man

of course you wanted to help him — you loved your brother after all — so you can up to him and held his arm to stop him from falling over

your touch light but firm enough as you smiled shakily and offered to help him — only to be met with a sharp glare as he pulled his arm from your grip and stumbled off

then you followed with questions, brows furrowed in concern as you asked him if he needed anything — any medicine, bandages, food, drink, anything

just let me help

and that’s when angel snapped, short temper directed at you as he yelled and screamed and belittled you, top arms flailing wildly — violently — whilst the bottom two clutched at his torn clothes and his aching chest

‘are you fucking blind?’

‘if i needed something i’d ask — do you not understand that?’

‘what the fuck is wrong with you?’

‘shut the hell up and leave me alone already!’

his outburst left you frozen in place, venomous words and angry gestures mirroring the buried shadows that haunted your memories

violent arguments

slamming doors

angry voices

no no no no no

not again please not again

your face was twisted into an expression of pure fear and shock as you stared and silently sobbed into your hands — mind here and away as angel realised what he’d done

he stops and sees you — really sees you — for the first time in a week and reaches out to you, heart breaking when you flinch and back away from him

matching his every step as he apologises and stumbles over himself trying to explain

but he only gets as far as the first syllable of valentino’s name before you’re off like a whippet — flying away like you’re shoes are on fire and running out into the streets

and angel’s eyes water from pain and guilt as he clutches his chest and takes the spare blanket from vaggie to cover himself — feeling charlie’s hand clasping his shoulder as she tells him to get some rest, that they’ll go and get you

and he doesn’t even fight it, too tired and weary and guilty to try, instead just swaying on aching legs as vaggie reluctantly helps him back to his room

his own words echoing through his head as he realises just how much like his father he had been

christ he hoped they found you soon, he knew all too well what would happen if one of the overlords found you — and he just wanted you to be safe

you were just a kid, he was just a kid, and he doesn’t want you to end up like him

[dev1lm4n]

untold

pairing: post-outbreak!joel miller x brothel worker!reader

summary: fragments of memories during your gradual (and rather horrendous) infatuation towards your number one frequenter, joel miller.

word count: 3.8k

warnings: explicit (18+) mdni, oral f receiving, sorta dark undertones but honestly joel's a sweetheart

notes: do reblog or comment if u enjoyed it! don't be shy to hit my ask box as well ;)

Love is stupid.

It’s lawless and frankly, holds no value in the realm you’re familiar with. Love could only exist in a world of unsullied brilliance, orderly conversations, washed hands, clean clothes, and good manners. Untarnished by the hands of the wicked, of the seven deadly sins; where birds sing out morning hymns and festive lights strung out wintry nights. Only then can love flourish. To think that such an innocent tenderness could exist within your barely nine feet by six room would be utterly idiotic. 

“You gotta pack the cigs first.”

“Huh?”

“God, you’re helpless.”

You didn’t even realize he’s tucked in a crisp stick on the very corner of your lips. His brown eyes gentle on yours as he flicked his lighter on, effectively igniting the tobacco-filled end in a slow drawl. Inside Boston’s most popular brothel after the end of government and the start of flesh-eating monsters, it was never brighter than the gathering gloom of dusk. Even at midday. It was always bleak. The bed was a plank of wood on legs, thin quilts and a ragged blanket hardly helping you through winter. But with him, it’s always a warm furnace. 

His rough fingers were quick to snatch the worn-out box of Marlboro from your loose grip. Exquisitely, he proved his familiarity with the product by ‘packing’ the filter against his palm. You weren’t sure what the action provoked, but it still had you looking up at him with stars in your eyes - twinkling fondly as if he’d just pulled out a magical rabbit out of a top hat. He looked down at you with such reverence, a little too much respect for the common whore you were, though you undeniably basked in it like fresh summer air.

Joel Miller was your light at the end of the alley. Your beacon of hope. 

“Breathe, girl.”

He chuckled oh so lovingly.

“You’re strugglin’ like a damn rookie. Come on, girl. I know you got this,” he spurred on like a goddamn sports coach.

Ungracefully, you retched on the new stench entering your airway. The taste proved to be unsuited to yours as it left some sort of disgusting filament sheet over your taste buds, yet you struggled to keep it on the edge of your lips.

Whatever Joel gifted you needed to be preserved or consumed in the finest way possible; it was a rule consistent to every paying patron you’ve dealt with, though it’s a compulsory need to be met when it comes to him. He was so engrossed in the entire fiasco playing out that he failed to give you the next crucial step to smoking a cigarette - to inhale.

“It tastes like shit, Joel. This is worse than Johnny’s battery acid cum.”

“Yeah? What ‘bout mine?”

Without giving you a much needed warning, Joel let his fingers tentatively slide along your neck. He was moving with such expertise, as if he knew exactly where the windpipe is, where you’ve been struggling terribly to inhale. He dragged his forefinger down a straight line before finally cupping the base of your neck in a firm grip. Commonly, when a customer manages to get you in a situation that’s prone to escalate dangerously, you’d be quick to retaliate. With him, it was.. different. You felt at ease, even when he’s practically in the position to strangle you.

“You taste good.”

You grinned sheepishly. Joel’s eyes traveled from where red consumed the wilted edge of your cigarette to your heaving chest. Still bare with prominent buds making their grand appearances, though the sweat from your previous endeavors had finally dried down into a light sheen. You’re undeniably angelic in the midst of all the monstrosity occurring all around him, in a way that cleared his mind and freed him of his terrors, and it sparked a feeling of guilt deep within him. You didn’t deserve this. Any of this.

“Another go at it then?” 

“Joel!”

It was the fourteenth of February.

Not until Joel Miller came prancing around with a fucking bouquet. 

Valentine’s day used to be a big deal around Boston. You could still conjure up images of the old world; a symphony of vibrant colors. Streets were adorned with heart-shaped decorations and shops showcased a dazzling array of chocolates, obnoxious bouquets, and greeting cards. The smell of cocoa and vanilla was still vivid, embedded in the back of your head even after years of being exposed to the reeking stench of sex and sweat. Working in a brothel, you learned to exploit people’s needs for romance and affection, even so, no madman has ever gone out of their way to put some thought into romancing a whore.

“Mmph.. oh.. right- right there.”

“Please, Jo- Joel. My clit. It’s right- please, no.”

Your eyes fleeted down towards where he’s located - right between your trembling thighs. He nestled his tongue towards where your natural heat is radiating from, effectively lapping up every spurt of wetness that managed to escape from your twitching hole. His tall nose constantly nudged at your bundle of nerves, each time causing your back to arch and your pelvis angled directly to where his sloppy muscle is located. You’ve told him your worries; that you were a hooker for fuckssake, you fuck guys for a living and that’d instantly make you deem unworthy of being eaten out.

Joel didn’t care one bit. Not when you’re making such sweet noises at his ministrations.

“Gotta be patient, pretty girl.”

He’s making a show out of it and it drove you insane. You averted your gaze away from him, head lolling to the side to meet his handmade bouquet propped up loosely on the small bedside table. They were fresh, some open and others in bud; you’re a little bummed you’d never get to see the ones in bud flourish as your little room was equal to a jail cell, lacking natural light. A prudent shade of pink caressed each petal, yet the kind of color that feels confident, proud to bring a newfound radiance to the shabby furniture.

The flowers felt like a mockery, a tongue stuck out to your face, everybody knew he was a madman for bringing you such gestures.

“Pay attention.”

He demanded, a carnal need for more laced in every syllable that dribbled off his lips. Joel’s eyes stuck to yours and in that moment of truth, you’re both spellbound under each other’s magic. Times like these made your brain race into untouched territory; of whether he loved you beyond the messy sheets and hushed whispers, of whether you’d escape the brothel and strive for your own. He was quick to ground you as he caressed the sides of your vulva with his ring and pointer fingers, tickled the needy hole with his middle, and pressed his thumb along each and every groove as he sought for where you ached the most.

A gentle lick upwards initiated a sharp jolt that could only be described as electrical. He pressed the end of his tongue flat against it again, then twirled gentle circles around it, and all you could do was twist the worn bedsheets in a messy crumple, splay your legs out more, and submit to his wishes. This was your gateway to heaven. He brought you the only kind of heaven you’d beg on your knees for - not the ones of unadulterated truth and clarity, but the one that’s true to the shrill, sullen, and violent world you’re living in.

It was beautiful. A moment you’d like to snap and pin with a red magnet to the refrigerator door, but it’s fleeting nonetheless.

Fuck Joel Miller and the way he’s making you feel.

“Don’t stop. Please.. please.. oh, please.”

You pleaded with all your heart, body, and soul. Nirvana was near; you could see your salvation in front of your two frantic eyes, presented among the stars scattered everytime you closed your eyes, but he cut his little performance short.

“Not yet, sweet girl.”

“You’re just my kind of man.”

Stuffed inside a dimly lit alley, amid the patronizing starlight and the warm milky glow of the moon, you leaned idly against a chipped cobblestone wall. Your figure was clad in a worn-out dress, edges tattered and stitches pulled from extended use, that hinted at both vulnerability and resilience. The night air carried a symphony of whispered conversations, muffled laughter, and faint clinking of glasses from underground taverns. It was humiliating the way your hopeful eyes met fleeting glances of passerby, assessing each one for a spark of interest, but this was your way of living. Your way to survive.

A tug on your rod, a salt and pepper man approached you with hesitant steps. You recognized the look in his old wearied eyes easily: curiosity and guilt.

“You really are. I’m really good, you know, Cherie.”

With practiced ease, you mustered a welcoming smile and gestured him to come closer in a way that made it seem like you’re withholding the world’s biggest secret. You had a certain charm when it came to attracting patrons, choreographed mannerisms that portrayed you in the sweetest manner possible. A small shy shrug here and a gentle tug of your lacy sweetheart neckline, you became a femme fatale. A true enchantress on the prowl. 

It’s one of those nights where you’re eager to make a score. Joel Miller, your number one frequenter and main source of income hadn’t popped his nose in for a whole week, and despite your thriving loyalty to him, you’d rather stash up on credits than starve. The need didn’t necessarily sweep off the guilt. You felt wrong for scouting strangers from the street to offer your services, to cater to their curiosity and help them crush the weight of societal expectations, to return their diminished ego. It felt like you’re betraying him. Another stupid thought of yours that hit the curb as soon as the older man caressed your side, his grimy fingers dirtying the pure cotton.

You felt disgusted, but really, it’s just like every other day.

“Everybody says I’m pretty.. and all the other men like me.”

He’s falling. You could watch the exact moment in real time as he weighed out his options, making peace with his moral compass.

“Don’t you like me?”

“How much-”

Bingo! Bells dinged above your head. Jackpot.

“She’s mine for the night.”

What you saw first was his thick finger, dug upon the male’s shabby shirt, forceful enough that the fabric underneath crinkled in an uncomfortable manner. Dirt underneath his nails, fingertips coarse from all the physical work he’s exerted, and everlasting scabs decorating the ends of his knuckles. You knew who it was before he brought his face to light - onyx orbs oozing off disdain as he peered from your potential patron’s shoulder. Joel could kill a man from how tightly he’s eyeing you, up and down, side to side as if trying to reason with your misdemeanor.

You watched as your ‘Cherie’ scurried off into the dark, a slow whistle drawed out of your jutted lips.

It was pissing you off. His fucking audacity.

“I’m not yours for the night,” you chimed stubbornly.

“Yeah?” Joel closed any visible gap between the two of you, trapping you between the chilly wall and his heaving chest. Your eyebrows knitted with jeering derision and in return, he scooped up every last flaky ration card from his pocket and stuffed it in your balled hand. “Now you’re mine.”

“You’re always mine. Morning, day, and night. Fuckin’ remember that in your pretty little head,” his voice taunted each and every part of you as his scruff made sweet contact with your helix. You shuddered, rocked with adrenaline. “Can you do that for me, girl?”

“Yes.”

“What’s this from?”

You sat by Joel’s relaxed knees, prim behavior with your calves tucked underneath your thighs. Gentle eyes illuminated by the gentle sway of brilliant gold. By the flickering yellow the room is dark, the shapes of the furniture distinguishable but the colors were so muted that they are almost gray. It was a different kind of night; there was a prominent uneasiness in the way he’s studying you, the lines he’s provided as guidance slowly blurring away with each and every flicker of amber. He’s never done this before. Laying loose in front of you, letting you unbutton his flannel, having you set the pace - you weren’t sure what he’s trying to convey with the sudden acceptance.

Joel is a man of closed doors, and so the prospect of seeing what’s behind thrilled you.

You looked up at him. Eyes interlocked in some kind of mutual understanding as your hand extended, cold fingers ghosting over his bare skin, and only when he gave you a hesitant nod did you let it crane down. He jolted ever so slightly, a twitch in his hooded eyes. Your thumb ran over the expanse of his lightened scar. It felt odd. Not in a weird way - just in a different, intriguing way. In a way that kept you tuned to the intimate aspect of the exchange.

The most you’ve seen from him was his pelvis bone, the thick of his unshaven bush, and his cock. He’s always made sure it’s all about you, despite being the one paying. And you respected that, all the time. Though it’d be a lie if you said you didn’t want to tear at his clothes, tug at his remaining buttons, unbuckle his belt with both hands to see all of him.

You refrained nonetheless. It looked like it was taking all of him to be this open, you wouldn’t want to scare him off with your rashness.

“Got bitten by a very scary zombie.”

He lied, adorably, was he trying to make you smile?

“Joel.”

He’d die happy at the sight of you right now.

“I thought we’re tryin’ to make this fun?”

“Fun, sure. Not absurd!”

“Okay, okay, it’s uh.. I wasn’t careful with a knife.”

You hummed softly. Not entirely sure if it was more so a mundane kitchen injury or a mugged-in-the-street injury. Your eyes traced the contours of his chest, a canvas sculpted with strength and tenderness. With sweet delicateness, your fingers continued their journey; gliding ever so softly over his warm, smooth skin up to where his gallbladder is supposed to be. Speckles of gray and black coarse hair trickled over your adventure. Each sensation rippled through your fingertips, awakening your senses to the subtle textures. Every stroke was a personal exploration, an expression of gratitude. This was where you found your solace.

“This one?”

“A trip over to Vermont gone wrong.”

“Drugs?”

He hesitated. A beat of silence from the two of you emphasized the noises from beyond your thin walls: a myriad of moans, foul words, and skin slapping.

“Somethin’ like that.”

And so, your voyage proceeded, each movement a testament to the admiration you held towards him. You wondered if he felt the same way. If he’s ever thought of the fruitless hopes you held towards him. If he’d ever longed for your existence the way you did everytime he missed his scheduled visits. You need him in the most desperate way possible, beyond the way he buried himself inside you, beyond the amount his physical existence could give. Lost in your own thoughts, you let your fingers lower.

Lower.. lower.. and lower until it rested over his clothed cock.

“And what’s this from?”

“You.”

Joel Miller has an odd habit.

Every girl in your brothel knew that he’s a peculiar one; no man has ever been this dedicated to a hooker before, to the extent where you’ve had some curious questions, wondering if he’s proposed to you or do something of the sort. Men are greedy pigs who could only take and take, every whore has established that, so the sight of his reverence astonished them. He’s too good to be true. A once-in-a-lifetime abnormality. What they’ve yet to discover was of his equally peculiar habit.

Joel loved leaving a small reminder of him everytime he’s forced to leave in weird hours of the night. A small, brightly colored post-it that’s frequently left with a stack of ration cards - always insanely over the common charge - and a trinket of some sort if you’re lucky. What he wrote consisted of a broad variety. An extension of his intrinsic need to capture and remember fleeting thoughts, to show his deep fondness of you, to let you feel the parts he’s too afraid to reveal. You’ve always chalked it up to sympathy. A poor whorehouse girl like you needed pitying and he’s doing that to fix his torn morals. 

You’d rather die than commit to the thought of him being in love with you.

He couldn’t possibly be. He’s him and you’re you, the two of you have established that.

Out of the many he’s left in your shoebox-sized room, the first one will always be the most memorable one. You remembered that it was in the peak of summer, heat almost seared your skin off your bones as a group of cicadas screamed their hearts out. The establishment is finally quiet at four in the morning. Most guests have finally stopped their endeavors and spent the night holding their pretty whores or leaving satisfied, and so you finally have the time to yourself. To relish in the satisfying silence. You lit a new candle and saddled it in its special nook - a spot on your bedside table that’s garnished with remnants of wax.

Your eyes met your pay. A good stack that was equal to three days worth of food and a place in the brothel.

Satiated, you reach over to make a proper count. That was when you discovered the vibrant yellow square, greeting you with a mystifying aura. Scribbled with a smudged wet ink, you predicted he used some kind of ballpoint pen to write the remark. Your first thought was of how corny it is. A snort uncontrollably left your lips as you observed the object closely. Never in a million years would you expect a brothel visitor to leave behind a hearty “Thank you for being here tonight” note.

You used to consider them strange, but over time you found yourself looking forward to the trivial gesture.

“Stay safe” was a quick and easy one. 

“You reminded me that life is full of surprises” bore through your heart even when it made you cringe. 

“Smile for me, pretty girl” had you by the throat.

“Can’t wait to fuck you good” elicited warmth between your thighs. 

“I’m gonna miss you” made you long for him.

This morning was the same as every day. You rose from your slumber at exactly four in the morning, grumbled at the sharp sensation down your bad back, pulled your sheets at every edge, lit a lone candle, only then could you finally relish in the daunting silence. It was so quiet you could hear every beat of your heart, every time you inhaled coldness and exhaled warmth, every time your heart squeezed at the fact that he’s not here. Just like every other day, Joel Miller left you alone. In the dark.

Your line of vision moved from where your legs were planted on the freezing wooden board, to the very top of your bedside table. This was where he first broke the sacred routine, because there wasn’t a thing on top of the rotten wood. Your pay’s not there and moreover, his post-it notes were nowhere to be seen; it’s humiliating to admit you’re a lot more concerned about the latter.

Colors drained from your face. The pink from being so deeply enamored with his gentle affection, the red from being wrapped up in a lustful haze over him, the blue from being left in the dark when he knew just how much you despised it - each and every last emotion mingled into a puzzled mess. In frantic panic, you kneeled onto your knees to try and see if it dropped down underneath, but nothing met your hand other than a glob of dust and hair. Your hope slowly began to dwindle, tears welled up in your eyes at the thought of being swindled. He wouldn’t do that, would he? That was until you made the decision to pull at your drawers with a sharp tug.

What you saw was even more baffling.

Your tongue went dry.

There were stacks upon stacks of ration cards. Every single color available at your disposal: grass green, tan, olive, and faded salmon. You’ve never seen that many officially-issued ration cards in one place before. It exceeded the amount held by soldiers when giving out pay, exceeded the best tip you’ve received in the whole year  you’ve worked, exceeded foolish dreams you’ve had of it. You let your fingers run through each fold, instinctually counting the number in each band when you knew for a fact that it’s much more than you’ll ever need. There’s a catch to this. 

You continued to rummage through your drawer, searching for his note, anything that might give you a clue to what the sudden influx of pay may signify. What met your fingers next was something blunt. Hard, stiff, and cold so it must be a metal of some sort. You took hold of what you could only assume to be the handle. Lo and behold, you’ve just discovered a revolver, it’s metal surface tarnished with age. Your heart raced as you gingerly picked up the weapon, the weight of it unfamiliar and dangerous. Joel has always hated when you interfere with his world, of guns and drugs, of robbery and murders, so what’s with the change of heart?

Beneath where the revolver was hiding was the item you’re looking for.

His note.

“I’m heading West. Tommy needs me.”

He’s not coming back. He doesn’t have to say it word for word.

“Ration cards will last you three months at best.”

Droplets of salty tears started dirtying your cheek as you clutched onto the note. Your heart shattered with each and every word, his instructions painfully etched deep in your wounded soul. You need him, you breathe him.

“Gun’s loaded. Use it to keep you safe.”

The words on the paper, though seemingly innocent and void of any emotions, held a sanction of finality.

“Leave the brothel. Find some place safe.”

Time seemed to stand still as you retreated further into yourself. This was your way out, yet it stung like shards of glass.

“I lo-”

Your eyes glazed upon the tear on the very edge of his note. A sign of cowardice. You knew what he meant to say, you knew what he tore off the page better than anyone else.

Fuck Joel Miller and the way he made you feel.

[sashaisready]

This Must Be The Place: Chapter 4 - Pick me up

Biker!Bucky x Femme Reader

Back at your beloved late grandmother's home to pack up her house, you have a run-in with the town's biker gang 'The Howling Commandos' and find yourself entangled with the metal armed President.

Series Masterlist

Warnings: Brief mention to reader’s (small) injury, references to past motorcycle accident and life changing injury.

Thanks so much for the response to this story so far, I'm aiming to update at least once a week - hopefully more some weeks - but life is quite busy at the moment. All your reblogs and comments are so appreciated, thank-you!

You sat awkwardly on a rickety old desk in the backroom as Bucky carefully pulled the tiny shards of glass from your arm with a tweezer. He’d already checked out your head injury, which was barely an injury at all really, a mere scratch and small bump. After a few tests he seemed satisfied you weren’t concussed, so he’d moved on to the glass wound.

He still seemed mad, so you kept quiet, trying not to concentrate on his proximity. His fingers moved agilely and delicately despite his hefty frame, but you supposed it made sense that someone who worked on cars and motorcycles most of the day would be good with their hands.

Your mouth pulled into a grimace as he pulled another shard out and then quickly cleaned the area with antiseptic, causing you to hiss.

“Almost done…” he said monotonously.

“Thanks” you replied.

Your tone was sheepish, you felt a little embarrassed that he was now patching you up after you’d clapped back at him. Your mouth sometimes got ahead of you like that. But it was hard not to feel aggrieved when he was also making you feel like a kid who’d been sent to the principal’s office.

“Hold still…” he scolded.

Yeah…just like that.

“I am still”.

“No…you’re moving. Cut it out”.

“You cut it out!”

He sighed heavily. “Whatever…”

The two of you stewed in silence for a few more minutes until he pulled the final piece out and cleaned and bandaged the wound, then meticulously packed everything back into his medical kit. You thanked him and kept your head down, running your fingers across the bandage as you wondered what to say. You didn’t normally feel shy around Bucky, but the incident with the customer and your subsequent squabbling had thrown you off. Your general feelings towards him seemed to oscillate between sheer lust and intense annoyance.

“So…I guess you’ll be quitting then” he said glumly as he turned around and put the kit back into a desk drawer.

You looked up, surprised. “Huh?”

“After this, I mean” he cleared his throat. “I guess you’ll be quitting the job”.

“Why?”

He turned towards you; confusion and annoyance evident on his face. “…Because you got assaulted by a customer and I didn’t stop it?”

You tilted your head in sudden understanding. “That’s why you’re being so pissy? You think I’m going to quit?”

He frowned; his tone clipped. “Why wouldn’t you? You don’t need this shit on top of all your house stuff”.

Well…he was sort of right. You didn’t really need the money (although it helped), and you really didn’t need to be dealing with drunk guys trying to bottle you…but…in all honesty? You’d dealt with worse over the years. A drunk guy with bad aim wasn’t pleasant, but you liked this job – you liked the MC, you liked the regulars, you liked that it gave you something to do in the evenings rather than aimlessly wander Granny’s house, you liked…Bucky.

“I’m not quitting, Bucky” you told him defiantly.

He looked genuinely surprised, his blue eyes narrowing. “What? Look…I’d understand, we fucked up – we should’ve been there to protect you and we were fuckin’ around playing pool”.

You frowned. “Look…don’t feel guilty. I should’ve called you over and not tried to manage him by myself when he started getting rowdy…I guess I just, didn’t want you to think I couldn’t handle it…” you told him quietly.

He chuckled fondly. “Sugar…I know full well you can handle it. I’ve seen the way you can handle yourself. But drunks can be unpredictable. You need to tell one of us if things get ugly, okay? That’s why we’re here”.

You nodded. “Alright”.

“Promise me you’ll call me or one of the others over if someone so much as raises their voice to you”. His tone was stern, he was clearly very serious about this.

“Scout’s honour” you replied sunnily as you held up your fingers in a mock salute, trying to ease some of the strange tension that was in the air.

He nodded, seemingly satisfied with your answer, but the stern look on his face was still there.

“And you’re really staying? Because if you wanted to quit..”

“No…Bucky, I’m staying”.

The silence hung awkwardly between you until you cleared your throat, looking over at the cabinet where he’d put away the kit.

“So uh…I didn’t think you’d have First Aid training”.

“You learn a few things after you come off your bike a couple of times” he sighed gruffly.

You nodded silently in response, but he caught your eyes briefly darting to look over at his metal arm.

“Yes…” he wiggled his metal fingers. “That was one of those times…can’t fix that with our First Aid box though” he muttered.

“Oh God, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean-”

“It’s fine,” he softened. “I don’t mind talking about it. Really. Long time ago now. Got knocked off my bike by a truck and got pretty badly mangled. They couldn’t save it…”

“Jesus, Bucky, I’m SO sorry. I had no idea…”

“It’s fine,” he said pragmatically. “Accidents happen. Life goes on. Besides, got an upgrade out of it…” he smiled grimly and flexed the robotic arm.

“And you still get on your bike every day, even after all that?” you asked with disbelief.

He nodded, a smile lighting up his face. “It’s what I love. Nothing could stop me doing what I love. Yeah, I was a bit shaky at first. But you adapt. That’s what life is about, isn’t it?”

You smiled back at him. He was like regular Bucky again. You admired the way his face lit up when he spoke about his passion, quietly impressed by his determination to get back in the saddle. You wished you could be more like him in that way, rather than cowering in your indecision when things went south. You looked back over at his metal arm.

“I mean…it’s amazing. So intricate. I’ve never seen a prosthetic like it. How do you even go about getting a robot arm?”

“Friends in high places,” he tittered. “Tony Stark threw it in as part of a deal…”

Your eyes widened. “Tony Stark…the weapons magnate?”

Bucky just winked in response.

“Why would you and Tony Sta- No…you know what? I don’t need to know…”

“Yeah…probably for the best,” he laughed.

You rolled your eyes, but you were secretly relieved that the tension between you both had eased. Back to dumb jokes and sassing each other.

He smiled back at you for a second, but it faded so quickly that it made your stomach flip. He looked over at you forcefully, his eyes dark. It was a look you hadn’t seen before.

“Bucky…what is it-”

“I’m sorry again…that you got hurt,” he said gravely. “I would never…if I’d known…” he sighed. “I just mean…the last thing I’d ever want is for you to be in harm’s way…”

You paused, struck by the sincerity in his voice. You stared back at him, nodding sluggishly as he moved closer to you, unable to tear your eyes away from him. Time seemed to slow as he leaned towards you. Your eyes widened as he tilted his head, his expression intense. He leaned in closer and closer, and you found yourself moving too, like a moth to a flame. As his lips met yours it was like a lightning bolt, your breath caught in your chest as you suppressed a gasp and let yourself melt into him. His tongue was in your mouth before you knew what was happening, and you reciprocated greedily. Suddenly his hands were on your thighs, moving up your hips, your waist. The heat of his touch searing. Your own fingers grabbed at his kutte, pulling him closer and closer but still never close enough as his mouth moved to your throat. You practically mewled as his lips met the flesh of your neck, you tilted your head back to allow him full access. Your eyes closed as you bit your lip, his mouth ghosted over your skin and-

The heavy knocking sent you crashing back down to earth with a cruel bump, a tiny gasp escaping you as he pushed you back down against the wood.

“Buck…” came the muffled voice from behind the door. “We need to go. Sorry. Does your best employee need a ride home?”

“What is it, Sam?” Bucky snarled as he stood and moved towards the door.

“Rumlow…he’s apparently making a move…”

Bucky exhaled, he turned to look at you for a second, opening his mouth to speak before shaking his head in silent apology. His eyes said more than his lips ever could. You nodded in return.

He swung the door open and Sam stood there. He didn’t seem to be embarrassed or awkward to interrupt, so he was either being polite enough not to mention it, or simply hadn’t picked up on the slight heaviness in your breathing, or the way you were somewhat splayed across the desk.

“Goddamn. Alright. Let’s go,” Bucky instructed. “Sugar…you need a ride?”

“N-no. I drove. All good” you stuttered as you regained your composure.

“Sam…have someone ride back with her. Just in case”.

“Bucky I’m fine I-”

He looked at you warningly, raising an eyebrow.

“Alright…” you sighed. “Give me the motorcycle escort”.

His hard expression softened for a split second; a hint of a smile sent your way. The beginnings of a sparkle in his baby blues.

And then he was gone.

[dylan-o-yumm]

Little Moments - Leon S. Kennedy/reader

It has been a hot minute... I’m sorry I’m not making an amazing come back with DMC or Nero content, but hey at least it's still Capcom? Anyway, Leon is babygirl 

Also read here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/46338547

Words: 6.6k Summary: Leon rescued both you and Ashley from the events of RE4, now the thereof you are "relaxing" in a hotel, unwinding before Leon has to take you both home in the morning.

Part 1, Part 2

“I could sleep for a year.”

“Just a year? Rookie numbers.”

“Are you guys kidding me? I don’t think I’ll be able to sleep a wink after everything I’ve seen over the last few days.” Ashley wrapped her arms around herself and looked wearily around the cozy hotel room, as if a crazy, plaga-infected Spanish person was going to jump out from the shadows. You couldn’t blame her for being so on edge, you’d be the same if Leon wasn’t there with you.

Ashley was the president's daughter and you were… just someone who was in that damn village at the wrong damn time. Leon was a special agent of some sort, somebody the president sent to find his daughter— but Leon just so happened to find you first. He saved you. And then he saved you again. And again, and again. No matter what happened, you knew Leon would be there like a knight in shining armor.

He made you feel safe but, the poor guy looked like shit and needed to finally rest. He had done so much work, busted his ass for— fuck, was it really only a day? Two days? You can’t remember how long you were there, let alone how long Leon was there looking for Ashley — and by proxy, you as well.

“Ash, it’s fine. We’re out of the village now. And even if some of the Iluminados freaks managed to escape, well… you saw how they were after their lord and savior kicked the bucket.” You turned to face Leon, gesturing for a little reassurance to come from him. Hopefully hearing it come from Leon would calm Ashley’s nerves somewhat.

Leon blinked and his lips parted as if he hadn’t been listening to a single word that had been said since he commented on how you wanted to sleep for a year. However he snapped back to hero mode rather quickly, looking around the room while he stretched his back muscles.

“I’ll stay up and make sure you’re safe. My job isn’t done yet.”

You and Ashley both shared a look.

“I think out of all of us, you need sleep the most, Leon.” Ashley told him with a concerned look on her face and you nodded in agreement. You opened your mouth to add your insight but Leon raised his hand to stop you, already knowing that you were going to demand that he sleep before you knock him out with a frying pan.

“I dozed off a few times at the village, I’ll be fine.” He shrugged as if it really didn’t bother him but you could see the exhaustion all over his face and in his shoulders, his muscles. Hell he had an aura around him that beamed like a bright neon sign that made you tired just by looking at him.

“It’s just one night. I’ll take you both home tomorrow and then I can go home and sleep for as long as I want, how’s that sound?”

“Leon…” Ashley sighed but you beat her to the punch.

“I’m too tired to argue. Just, at least sit down or something. I’ll make you some coffee,” you sighed and rubbed your forehead where a sharp headache started to irritate you. You dealt with too many loud noises; explosions, gunshots, too many bright lights from flash grenades and fires from molotovs, and the screaming and yelling of the Illuminados or Ashley or yourself. Everything from that damn village and the island, up until the point of getting out of the ocean after a long, loud and bumpy ride on a jet ski, was all building up into one big headache.

Leon didn’t have anything else to say after that, opting to do as you said and taking a seat on the couch by the window. You moved to the small kitchen and started boiling water while Ashley said she was going to go have a shower.

The three of you were still pretty filthy. The ocean water washed some of the grime off, but the stench still lingered and you all had scrapes, cuts and bruises. Your body ached from all the running around and getting thrown about and whacked and hit and kicked by the crazy villagers. Leon took the brunt of it all though, which is why you were worried about him the most. He really needed to rest. For a week. Or in your words; a year.

You all did.

Once the coffee was made, you brought a mug out for Leon, pausing for a moment to watch as he yawned so intensely his eyes started watering. Though, when he noticed you looking at him, he quickly shut his mouth and rubbed his eyes, pretending he hadn’t just been fighting off the urge to sleep. He gave you a little half smile and went back to unwrapping the bandage from his arm to check one of his many wounds.

You could have teased him for yawning, you could have angrily told him to get some sleep. But you didn’t.

“Need any stitching up?” You asked as you placed his mug on the coffee table in front of him, holding a second mug in your hand and moving it to your lap as you sat down on the couch beside him. The heat from the mug warmed your hands and made you feel more at ease.

”No. I could do with a good massage though,” he replied with a small grunt, rolling his shoulder out and you got a good look at his bicep. There was a scratch from an ax being thrown at him that, thankfully, only just nicked him. A long, but thankfully, not deep gash from his battle against Saddler. And finally a large bruise that spanned from his shoulder down to his elbow in an odd splotchy pattern. You weren’t sure what that one was from but you could take at least a dozen guesses.

You weren’t sure if he was asking you to give him a massage or not— he sure did like his cheesy one-liners and little quips, maybe this was one of them?

“Get in line, buddy. I don’t think I’ll physically be able to get out of bed in the morning,” yeah, that was a good common ground to avoid any confusion and possible embarrassment.

“It will be tough, yeah…” you could tell he was speaking from experience. How many crazy missions like this had this poor man been through? “You handled yourself well out there. I want you to know that.”

He turned his gaze to your direction but he didn’t quite meet your eye. He sounded genuine though and it made your heart skip a beat.

“You mean by… running, hiding, screaming. Oh yeah I handled myself very well,” you chuckled sarcastically and brought your cup of coffee to your lips, taking a sip.

“Hey, just because you didn’t kill anything, doesn’t mean you weren’t tough or brave,” now he finally met your eye. His own eyes, so incredibly blue that it was hard to remember them glossing over and turning a dull red from the plagas only a few hours ago.

Was that a few hours ago? It felt like it had been days since that happened.

You didn’t know how to respond, and thankfully Leon spoke up again before you could.

“Are you drinking coffee?”

“Maybe.”

“You’re not trying to stay awake, are you?”

“I don’t think even coffee could help me stay awake at this point.” Was it a lie? No. Was it a small truth that you admitted so that you didn’t have to reveal the big truth? Possibly. You were definitely too tired for coffee to keep you awake, but you were also trying to stay awake, at least a little longer, so that Leon wouldn’t have to suffer through the night alone. You couldn’t imagine what kind of thoughts he must have when it got quiet, when he wasn’t busying himself by running around castles or villages, or killing monsters.

You were tired. But so was Leon and this was the least you could do for him… You just couldn’t tell him that’s what you were doing, or he would probably knock your ass out.

You’re not a fighter. You’re not a cool secret agent with gadgets, nor were you a military trained soldier who could turn anything into a weapon. You couldn’t do the things Leon could do, you couldn’t protect him, you couldn’t save him from monsters…

Staying awake for a night just to keep him company so that he didn’t have to suffer alone? It wasn’t grand, it was nothing like the magnitude of favors and rescues he had done for you over the last however many days. But it was something. You couldn’t really do much else.

Maybe you should give him that damn massage.

“So why are you doing all of this, Leon?” You asked, wanting to change the subject so he wouldn’t figure out your little plan. He raised an eyebrow at you over his cup of coffee and you elaborated. “You came to the village because of the president's orders, right? To save Ashley… So what made you want to work for the president of all people? Or is that classified information?” You teased, knowing damn well it could definitely be very classified.

Leon chuckled.

“It’s a little classified, yeah. But I will tell you that… I met a girl a few years ago. And I want to make sure she’s safe,” he nodded softly to himself, as if reminding himself why he just went through all the horrors of the village. His already soft features softened even more as he thought about this girl.

“Is she your girlfriend?”

“I think that’s illegal considering she’s a child,” he smirked slightly, as you looked down at your lap in embarrassment. “She escaped Raccoon City with me and another woman named Claire.”

“Is she your girlfriend?” You asked again, emphasis on the ‘she’ and a little teasing smile on your lips.

“Suddenly interested in my love life, huh?”

“Maybe I’m just trying to be a good wingman for Ashley. You know she’s crushing hard for you.”

“Oh this is for Ashley, huh?” His lips curl in amusement and you shrug, playing innocent. You both smile at one another as the world seems to stop spinning for a moment. Everything was quieter, the sound of rushing water from Ashley’s shower had even been drowned out, and now it was just you and Leon. You could breathe, you could take your time and just look at him, taking in the fine details of his face; the color of his irises, the sharpness of his jaw, the dip of his cupid's bow, the pinkness of his lips and the strongness of his chin.

Beautiful.

Inside and out, this man was… beautiful.

He was looking at you too, but it was different. His eyes dimmed, no longer shining along with his smile… it was like a part of him had left and gone somewhere else, no longer sitting right beside you. He looked through you, barely seeing you at all as he reminded himself of his job and why he was here. His smile faded and his eyes dropped, refusing to meet your gaze anymore.

You were admiring everything about him, and he was slowly drifting away from you. Like two ships passing in the night.

“Look… I can’t— I can’t have someone—“ he sighed and scooted closer to you on the couch, resting his gloved hand over the top of yours that was still holding your coffee mug. He was warm, even the leather of his glove was warm and it grounded you– it was a little prickly from where it had torn and frayed a little, from welding guns and knives all day long. His hand squeezed yours once, his pinky resting against the pulse point on your wrist. “I just can’t. Sorry...”

He was definitely not talking about Ashley anymore. You were only teasing and joking around about his relationship status, and you knew that he was far too good for you. Thanks to your low self esteem, and your confidence in Leon never being capable of looking at you the way you looked at him… that ship sailed hours and hours ago, practically when you very first laid eyes on him… But his words still felt like a knife to your heart for some reason.

You blinked once, shaking yourself out of the trance you had put yourself in, and your lips parted. You weren’t sure if you wanted to say something, or if you were going to say something, or if you should have said anything at all. But thankfully—

“Leon! Your turn! You stink. Who knew saving some damsels in distress was such tough work, huh?” Ashley teased as she burst out of the bathroom looking completely refreshed and clean. Her hair was twisted up into her towel while she wore the same clothes she wore in the village. Maybe you could go in search for some robes the three of you could wear or something— at least just for the night. You could go buy some clothes in the morning before the three of you headed back to your respective homes.

You and Leon jumped apart and refused to look at one another, as if you had been caught doing something naughty by your parents. If a hand on yours was considered naughty then you never wanted to be pure. Leon took a final sip of his coffee before placing the mug back down on the coffee table, and when he stood, he looked at Ashley, vaguely gesturing towards her. “Will you two be okay while I’m gone? I’ll only be a few minutes.”

“Leon please. The only thing we’re in danger from right now is your body odor,” she teased even more, skipping over to grab Leon’s arm and ushering him towards the bathroom. “Im stronger than I look, don’t make me wrestle you into the shower, Leon.”

You blushed at the thought of Ashley and Leon anywhere near a shower together.

“Alright,” he chuckled but paused in the doorway of the bathroom, finally looking towards you again, but you were silent and didn’t quite know how to feel or react. “Yell if you need me, okay?” It was directed towards the both of you but his eyes were burning a hole into your face.

You simply nodded. And Leon disappeared behind the bathroom door.

———————————————————

“Need me to tuck you in or something?” Leon asked teasingly as he walked over to you. Ashley was fast asleep in one of the single beds, having passed out when you went for your shower after Leon. The three of you were clean, dressed in robes (well Leon wasn't), all comfy— but very tired. No amount of coffee could help.

You were sitting on the armchair by the second single bed, (there were only two but Leon said he was fine sleeping on the couch— this was obviously before he stupidly agreed to just not sleep at all for the night) a book in your lap, one that the hotel just had laying in the small bookshelf. It was terrible and not your idea of a good time at all, but there wasn’t much else to do. You could watch tv but you didn’t want the noise to keep Ashley up.

“Tell you a bedtime story?” He offered once you didn’t say anything to his first teasing question. “I don’t know how good of a story teller I am…”

“I'm fine, Leon. Thanks though,” you smiled up at him. You weren’t mad and you weren’t holding a grudge, you were just confused and felt a little awkward from your previous conversation with him. And with you acting awkward it only made things even more awkward— it… had been a rough few days.

“Okay…” he watched you skeptically for a moment. “Are you worried about falling asleep? I had the same problem after Raccoon City.”

“No-“

“Because I don’t mind staying up, and I can sit closer to your bed if it makes you feel any better?”

“Leon-“

“Ashley’s already knocked out so she won’t mind if I’m keeping an extra close eye on you until you fall asleep.”

“I'm fine. I swear. I just don’t feel like sleeping right now is all…” You looked up at him and smiled, closing your book to lightly wack his stomach with it. He took a step back and placed his hand over the spot you just walked, looking down with a faint smile.

“Right…” he nodded, sighing as he fell back onto your bed, spreading his legs like all men do, and resting his elbows on his knees. His upper body was leaning towards you where you sat on the armchair in between the window and the bed and, feeling a heat make its way onto your cheeks, you quickly went back to reading your book.

“What are you reading?” His voice was lower and softer than it was just a second ago, it sent shivers down your spine.

“I couldn’t tell you. I haven’t taken in a single word since I picked it up,” you looked back over at him and smiled with a small shrug as if to say ‘what can you do?’

“Riveting stuff. I guess it’s better than fighting monsters though.”

“I wouldn’t know, you fought all the monsters for me,” you sassed, as if you were disappointed that you didn’t get to fight anything, when in reality, you know you would have died if you had to go up against one of those crazy villagers. And Leon was taking on half of Spain it felt like, plus those that grew into large monsters with tentacles and big yellow eyes and slime and spikes and goop.

“Well hey, you threw a flash grenade at that Mendez guy for me.”

“I forgot to pull the pin…”

“Yeah, but he looked pretty pissed off when it hit his shin. It was a good throw,”

“I was aiming for his head…” You bit your lip.

Leon sighed and looked down, not knowing how to find the bright side of that little tidbit. A beat passed before you started to chuckle, and so did he. “I know one thing you did that saved my ass.”

“What’s that?” Your tone was humorous, thinking he was going to tease you again. It wasn’t like you did much, especially compared to Leon. Just the fact that he said ‘I know ONE thing you did that saved my ass’ is proof that you obviously didn’t do enough. However, maybe that’s for the best as you definitely would have gotten into even more trouble if you started being reckless.

“Luis’ lab…” he looked down at his hands as he spoke.”I was losing it, I could hardly see, I couldn’t move my body properly. I think I even started hallucinating.” His eyebrows jumped a little as he recalled those moments in his head. It wasn’t very pleasant for you either, but Leon had a lot more of those moments than you did. “I don’t think Ashley and I would have made it if you weren’t there,”

“I think I was just yelling at you the whole time. I was scared.” It was true. You were scared of losing both him and Ashley, and having to find a way off the island on your own. You recalled yelling at Leon while he stumbled through the hallways with an unconscious Ashley in his arms. ‘Hurry the fuck up, Leon!’ and ‘don’t fall down! Get back up! Now!’

“Your yelling got me to keep moving, gave me something to focus on.”

“Well... You’re welcome,” you whispered, looking down at your lap bashfully. Your teeth worried your bottom lip, making it feel a bit tingly and numb. Once you gained the courage to look back up and meet Leon’s gaze — his eyes already on you, watching you intently — you exhaled slowly through your nose and faintly shook your head.

“You’re so annoying,” you whispered.

“Yeah,” he whispered back.

He didn’t look amused, more like... he was agreeing with your statement. He didn’t even look like a kicked puppy, he had just accepted that it was his time to be knocked back down a couple pegs.

His eyes focused on yours while yours focused on his lips. God he was so annoying. And it was even more annoying knowing that he wasn’t doing any of this on purpose. He was just... like that. It was impossible not to like him, not to dream up some fantasy of you and him being closer, more intimate. Impossible not to imagine how soft his lips might be and how his hair might feel between your fingers, and how his rough hands might caress you so gently.

A heart breaker. That’s what he was.

Even Ashley was in the same trap as you — could you even call it a trap when Leon wasn’t aware he had set it, and you and Ashley had both practically willingly jumped into it? You heard her little hints, her little compliments. Calling him dashing and trying to get him to work with her once his mission was over. And you couldn't even blame her! You wanted more time with him as well.

“I wish I never met you,” you whispered, more softly than you had previously been speaking.

“Where would you be without me?” He whispered back just as gently.

His pearly whites faintly peaked out from behind his lips, barely visible but just enough to know that he was fighting off a smile. The corners of your lips twitched upward slightly as you fought off your own smile.

You leaned in.

He didn’t move away.

You leaned in more.

The hint of a smile had left his face and his eyes dropped down to your lips. His own lips parted and his brows twitching- itching to pull together, as he fought with himself. You could see it all — how he wanted to run, how he wanted to pull away, how he was worried and maybe even a little scared. But that wasn’t all, you could also see how he wanted to lean in and give you exactly what you wanted, because he wanted it too.

Conflicting.

You moved in gently and cautiously, your eyelids slowly closing. You weren’t sure if he moved in towards you, or if you managed to get closer to him in your eagerness, but you could feel his breath against your skin a second after your eyes closed. Your noses were the first to touch.

You breathed in, and Leon let out a shaky breath that you couldn’t only feel, but hear as well since you were so close to him. You angled your head to the side slightly, feeling your way out with the tip of your nose as it slowly and gently slid down the side of his nose bridge and poked the inner corner of his cheek.

Your lips ghosted his, feeling him ever so slightly. The softness, the warmth. You shuddered.

Your lips parted, so did his. Your lips pressed softly against his top lip while his pressed against your bottom lip, delighting yourself in how soft his lips were and how inviting they felt. You could only hope you had the same effect on him. He wasn’t pulling away, he leaned in closer, much to your surprise and his hand slowly reached out to lay flat against your knee.

You applied just the tiniest amount of pressure with your lips before pulling back, needing air. Your cheeks were warm, your eyes glossy, and your lips just a little wet from where Leon’s lips had pressed.

You licked your lips, wanting to taste more of him. He did the same. The both of you staring into each other's souls, eyes flickering to each other's lips, then eyes, then back to lips. Not a word was uttered between you two before he leaned forward this time and pressed his lips against yours.

Your heart skipped a beat.

His kiss was just as, if not more, gentle than yours, thinking he would be a little rough or just— anything but so gentle. As if you were more fragile than glass, more fragile than the finest porcelain. Like you were thin paper sat out in the rain, and one little breeze would tear you to pieces.

He kissed you. He wanted this. What was he talking about earlier with his ‘I can’t’? He was doing it right now and you never ever wanted him to stop.

Keeping your lips connected to his, you slowly rose from your seat, hands coming to slide over Leon’s shoulders. He leaned backwards — only his lower body, while his lips refused to leave yours, as he gave you space to sit down with him on the bed. His large, warm hands slid around your waist, pulling you closer and keeping you close.

Your lips parted for a short breath only to close around his bottom lip a second after. But when his lips parted, he didn’t bother gaining more air, he simply worked your mouth open and found your tongue with his own. The sound of wet lip smacking soon filled the room, along with faint panting and pauses for quick breaths — gulping down air when you had the chance.

His hands squeezed your hips and yours fisted the collar of his tight shirt, pulling and not letting him go. A way to ground yourself. Just an hour ago you were so content with the idea of him being too good for you. Knowing that he would never see you the way you saw him. But now here he was, kissing your lips so softly but so desperately.

Your heart was beating so fast inside your chest, trying to explode out of you.

“Leon...” you panted breathily against his mouth, having nothing else to say besides his name. A name you never thought you’d have the opportunity to whimper out like that. You whimpered it once before when you rolled your ankle after running away from a crazy wolf-dog thing, and needed to use Leon as a crutch for a moment, but this was different.

You weren’t sure if you leaned forward or if Leon pulled you closer but he slowly fell back down on the bed, and you followed pursuit. The pillow sunk beneath his head and his hands slid from your hips to your lower back, sending goosebumps all over your skin. You’ll never understand how someone can kick open doors and barrels and people’s heads, and also be so tender and gentle behind closed doors.

He was firm, sturdy as you laid on top of him. You could feel his heart beating against your chest and he could probably feel yours as well. His heart was beating fast, but strong and mighty, and even when he was distracted like this — not alert and ready to defend, you still felt so incredibly safe.

Your tongue pushed its way into his mouth, exploring and massaging where you could. You were thankful that you brushed your teeth when you had a shower earlier, and considering the fact that Leon tasted minty and refreshing, you could only assume he did as well.

His tongue slid against yours, flicking against the roof of your mouth before he pulled back to refill his lungs. You didn’t even have time to share a look before he was back to kissing you.

One hand slid into his sandy blond hair, pulling a sweet and quiet moan from deep within his chest. Your fingers slid against his scalp and teased the roots of his hair, while your other hand laid flat over his pectoral, feeling his muscle and firmness and his strength.

Your movements were slow and steady, like liquid pouring over his skin, there was no rush, there was no danger. It was just you and Leon, sharing kisses and slowly morphing into one being. If love wasn’t this then you didn’t want it.

“Leon... hmmf,” saying his name for no apparent reason other than to just say it. Your robe slipped as you raised your leg and bent your knee, hugging him with your thighs. Leon’s gloved hand slid down to feel the soft, exposed skin of your thigh and you gasped into his mouth. The feeling of his soft fingertips with the scratchy leather sent a heat all throughout your body.

He, of course, didn’t take a robe from you earlier, opting to stay in his filthy clothes since they were more practical for if he needed to defend you and Ashley again. You didn’t think he would have to defend the two of you at all, now that you were off the island and away from the village… but neither you nor Ashley were back home just yet, so he couldn’t afford to take any risks. He was sure determined and that alone made your insides all warm and fuzzy.

His hand gripped your thigh, but his lips stopped moving. You took the opportunity to worship him; to press kisses to the corner of his lips, then two on his cheek — one right beside his ear and the other closer to his jaw as you moved down to his neck.

His skin was so soft, save for the few cuts and scrapes. He lifted his head, giving you more room and you eagerly obliged, leaving soft pecks and wet, open mouthed kisses, little licks and faint nibbles. He hummed in pleasure and it made your whole chest flood with pride.

Pressing a kiss against his adam's apple, you went to move to the other side of his neck, wanting to give his right side equal treatment, but he turned his head. You weren’t sure if he was trying to stop you or not, so you pulled back just to make sure he was okay.

He looked perfectly fine. His cheeks were a soft shade of red that you would now commit to memory for the rest of your life– probably your new favorite color.. His eyes were half lidded and a little glossy, making the different shades of blue in his irises shine brightly even in the darkly lit room. It was impossible to have a fear of drowning when you looked into them.

Though he wasn’t looking at you.

His head was turned to the side, looking over at Ashley who was still sleeping like a rock. Her lips were parted and she breathed heavily, close to snoring but not quite.

It was only when you shifted your body a little, wanting to back off a bit in case he was uncomfortable, that you felt your effect on him. Your thigh felt his excitement, he pursed his lips together and closed his eyes for a moment to focus on his breathing.

Was this really happening?

“She won’t wake up,” you whispered to him and his eyes opened, looking cautiously into your eyes, then back to Ashley, then back to you one final time. You wanted him, and he wanted you, and you had both survived the horrors you encountered over the last few days. You both deserved a break. You both deserved this.

His brow furrowed knitting together tightly. Though the slight upward angle in his brows made him look like a wounded puppy.

“My job isn’t done yet,” he swallowed, his adam’s apple bobbing. “I need to stay focused.”

You deflated.

“Right.” You nodded once and crawled off of him. Maybe it was for the best, you didn’t want to go too far with him after knowing him for only 48 hours. Though going through copious amounts of trauma together did make for a great bonding experience and therefore it felt like you had known him for months.

You sat on your ankles, hands on your knees. Your robe was open just enough to show your legs but the rest of you was covered. One hand left your knee to wipe your swollen and wet lips, basically wiping away Leon’s kiss, before you tucked your hair behind your ear.

You couldn’t tear your eyes away from your lap, feeling embarrassed and maybe even a little ashamed. Were you wrong to think Leon was into it? Into you? It definitely felt like he was, but maybe he snapped out of it once he realized you weren’t that lady in the red dress and the high heels.

As if he could sense your downward spiral, Leon’s hand found yours, the one still resting on your knee, and squeezed it reassuringly. “But I can… stay here?”

You finally looked up and met his ocean blue eyes. He had sat up somewhat, his back resting against the headboard of the bed. He looked just as unsure and nervous as you did. He obviously didn’t have much experience with this sort of stuff, which only made him even more endearing. The poor guy just fought monsters for a living and never had time to slow down and relax.

“While you fall asleep,” he added gently. He wanted to stay with you? In bed? Did that mean he wasn’t just using work as an excuse to not go further with you? He really did just want to stay alert and not have any distractions while the president's daughter was in his care.

“If you want?” He pressed one more time. He was giving you big, puppy dog eyes— knowing him, it was unintentional too. Even if you didn’t want him to stay with you, there was no way you could refuse him when he gave you that face. But you did want him to stay of course.

You didn’t need to say so.

You curled up beside him, sliding your body under the covers. Leon didn’t smell great, but he was at least clean enough— his clothes weren’t covered in blood and dirt but the smell lingered a bit. You weren’t sure if his sweat or the seawater from the jetski ride over was what rid his tight shirt of all the muck. Or maybe he washed them in the shower and dried them quickly afterwards. That would be nice.

Your hand splayed over his chest, feeling his heartbeat. Your nose pressed against his ribs, finding an odd sense of comfort in the smell that lingered. It was Leon after all, it was proof he was there with you, reminding you you were safe even when you had your eyes closed.

His arm was around your neck, letting you use his bicep as a pillow. His heart was beating rather fast as you snuggled into his side but after a few minutes it slowed back down and fell in tune with the steady rise and fall of his chest. Leon turned his head and pressed his lips against your forehead, letting them linger for a moment. And his arm, the one you weren’t laying on, moved over towards you, his hand stroking through your hair.

Cocooned in Mr. Leon S. Kennedy’s arms.

“Get some sleep. I’ll look after you.”

And there go your plans to stay awake with him.

—————————————————————

After waking up in Leon’s arms, you got up and did your morning ritual with Ashley. Breakfast, brushing your teeth, brushing your hair, getting dressed, etc. Leon stood by the door rushing you both as it got close to 9am. A tired but teasing “come on, ladies” came from him as he ushered you both out the door.

Ashley was the first to go home. Being the president's daughter and all. You said your goodbyes to her in the car, opting to not go into the big building with all the security guards. Leon escorted her back to her father — after you and Ashley exchanged emails of course, and by the time she had been delivered home safely, it was already dinner time. The flight from Spain to America chewed up a few hours.

You and Leon didn’t really have a chance to talk when Ashley was around. Though you thought that once it was just the two of you, he might mention something from last night or maybe even be a little more touchy feely. A hand on your thigh while he drove or maybe he would reach for your hand. Maybe press a kiss to the back of your palm once in a while or lean over to kiss your cheek at every stop sign and red light.

He didn’t do any of that.

He barely spoke. You barely spoke. Maybe it was because these were your final moments with him, that you didn’t know what to say or how to act or what to do. How do you say goodbye to someone who saved your life time and time again? How do you just watch him leave without somehow repaying him? Why did he have to leave at all? Why did you have to go back home?

You just did. He just did. It just had to be like this.

Finally once you arrived at your home, Leon got out of the car first, coming around to let you out of the passenger side like a gentleman. You smiled and stepped out, awkwardly hugging yourself as you walked with him to the front door.

This was it wasn’t it? The final goodbye.

You bent down to flip over the corner of the welcome mat, picking up your spare house key and unlocking the door. You hadn’t been home in weeks. Everything was dark and dusty and that homey scent had faded away until you barely recognised where you were.

The door was open but you were yet to step inside. You turned to face Leon first, your hand gripping the door handle tightly until your knuckles turned white.

“…Do you... wanna come in?” You asked hopefully, just wanting to spend more time with him, wanting to feel safe for just a few minutes longer. You wouldn’t be able to feel safe once he walked away. And that foolish little part inside you hoped you could pick up where you left off last night.

But Leon pulled a face. Not out of disgust or hatred or anything bad, he was just… his face was saying ‘no.’ The awkward smile that wasn’t really a smile, more like a ‘man, I’m about to hurt your feelings even though I don’t want to,’ smile.

“I guess not, huh?” You looked down and nodded distantly, realising that this really was goodbye then. Part of you wanted to be angry, for everything that had happened last night, for the feelings you had developed. However, Leon’s ocean blue eyes and his silly floppy hair with those pink, kissable lips... how could you be mad at that?

“It’s been a long couple of days. I should get home.”

“No, yeah. Of course,” you awkwardly shuffled on your feet, avoiding eye contact.

“I’ll probably have another mission lined up for me when I get back to work.” Leon’s voice was quiet and his shoulders were tense. You couldn’t tell what he was thinking or feeling but he definitely didn’t look comfortable.

“Yeah.” You nodded slowly, keeping your gaze on your shoes that inched closer towards the inside of your home, wanting to run away and hide.

One beat passed. A sigh left both of you at the same time.

“I’ll see you ‘round, (Y/N)...” you blinked. He was leaving already? Just like that? You finally looked up to meet his eyes, wanting a look at those pools of blue one more time... but he had already turned around and started walking away. He was clearly eager to get away from you, eager to get home and back into his work.

You wouldn't cry over someone you couldn't have...

“Goodbye, Leon.”

You stepped inside your home and closed the door behind yourself.

[azrielwingspan]

THE CHOICES WE MAKE - PART 2 (AZRIEL X READER)

Summary : Things escalate as you hastily try to find a solution.

Warnings : Swearing

PART- 1

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

(Vallahan council chambers)

"I've given you one duty, Y/N. Just ONE." your king seethed at you as you stood in front of him with your head bowed. "How could you be so ...useless?" The words sent a sharp pain through you, but you ignored it. Later, you'd let it hurt you. "The border is nothing more but rot as far as the eye can see. What are you going to tell those who've lost their homes?"

You stood in silence, head hung in shame, taking the verbal blows. Pathetic. That's how you felt.

"Get out. I'll deal with you after I've dealt with this." You left obediently, not letting him see the tears lining your eyes. People had lost their lives because of your inability to do your job. Silence echoed in your mind as you tried to think of something...anything.

There was only one thing left to do.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(The River House, Velaris)

"I don't care about the cost. I need the book, Rhys. PLEASE"." you almost begged. You could see the conflict in his eyes. He was hiding something, you were sure about it.

"Y/N..." taking in a deep breath, he blurted out "it's a trap. Koschei, he...wants the book. He's trying to lure us."

You let the words sink in, understanding dawning upon you. "We're just supposed to watch people die then?" He didn't respond, choosing to look away.

"W-we'll prepare for it. We'll set up a legion to stop---"

"He's too strong. A legion won't be able to stop him. I didn't want to say this Y/N...but the lives of a few over the lives of many is a tough decision I have to make."

A beat of silence passed, the words sinking in. Your vision turned red, the words spewing out of you like wildfire "A TOUGH DECISION YOU HAVE TO MAKE?! I have blood on my fucking hands, Rhysand! I stood and watched as my people were fucking slaughtered. DO THEY NOT DESERVE TO FUCKING LIVE?!?!"

He almost flinched as you raised you tone. You didn't feel guilt though. You felt pure undiluted anger coursing through your veins at the entire situation. "The most powerful high lord cant manage to save a couple of people ?! Fucking pathetic. You sit here in your nice little city watching over your people that aren't fucking aware of anything, those shit---"

"THAT IS ENOUGH." Rhysand roared, a pulse of his power rushing through the room. It washed over you, momentarily stunning you into silence. "Don't you dare bring my people into this. They don't deserve your anger."

The door to Rhysand's office burst open revealing Azriel, Nesta and Cassian.

"What's going on?" Azriel asked, eyes flitting between you and Rhys.

"Your darling brother just told me to stand by and watch my people die." you sneered.

"Y/N, we'll figure out another---" Rhys started.

You raised a hand to silence him. "I know where your loyalties lie Rhysand. If it were the people of Velaris, you wouldn't have thought twice."

"You're right." Nesta spoke up, eyes brimming with a challenge. "Then why are you still here?"

"Ness!" Cassian admonished her, which she ignored.

"Watch your fucking mouth." you said flatly to her turning your gaze back to Rhysand. "You told me you'd always be there no matter what. I see there was a limit to it."

"Y/N, please." Azriel followed you out the door, pushing past Cassian. "Just calm down and listen.."

You whipped towards him , anger flaring again "Calm down?! Do you know what I've been through the past few days Azriel? Everyday I wake up to a list of dead fae. They died because I didn't do anything. They died because I had a solution and I couldn't carry it out because your shithead of a high lord and your fucking sister in law would not let me. So no, Azriel, I will not calm down."

"Hey...hey.." he stepped closer to you cupping your face in his hands. His warmth and scent did nothing to calm you but you let him speak. "I'm sorry. I will never stop asking for your forgiveness for this moment but I need you to keep a clear head. I promise I'll help you out. We'll find another way okay? If not, I'll speak to Rhys again. He'll understand."

"Just...leave me alone. I don't need false promises." you walked away from him not paying attention to the hurt splashed across his face.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(Your private chambers, Vallahan)

"It's a bargain." The sting of the bargain across your skin filled with you hope once again. You'd found a solution.

"I hope you won't go back on your word Lady Y/N." the male seated across you spoke, a tinge of suspicion in his voice.

"I couldn't even if I wanted to." you wiped the blood on your palm with a wet cloth and traced a finger along the cut across you palm.

"Very well." he stood up "you have a week to fulfill your side of the bargain."

"You have a day." you say flatly, not wanting to extend the conversation any further.

A dark chuckle echoed through the chambers, the fire casting eerie shadow across the walls. "It shall be done."

Footsteps walked away from you, each one in sync with your thudding heart. It had to be done. You had no choice. You told yourself repeatedly.

"Oh and Y/N...." you turned to face him at the sudden change in his tone. "when you're done breaking the shadowsingers heart, come find me. Your fire is best suited for the Autumn court."

You almost scoffed at his offer but instead chose to stay neutral.

"Goodnight, Eris."

He gave you a mocking bow and left the chambers, his red hair glinting in the firelight.

TAGLIST:

@lilah-asteria @anuttellaa @paankhaleyaar @blackgirlmagicforever @thebeautifulmysteriesoflife @fxckmiup @koffeevibes @starryhiraeth @mx13sworld @mp-littlebit @brieflyclassymortal

[elysianavenue]

Not Alone

Spike Spiegel x Reader (no pronouns)

Warnings: injury, lots of mentions of blood, reader has trouble asking for help.

Summary: Before you met Spike, you had gotten used to dealing with things on your own. When you get hurt, Spike tries to get you to realize that you're not alone anymore.

Word Count: 1008

Maybe he just didn't know you as well as he thought he did. It was funny, almost. After 3 whole years of being with you, he still couldn't tell when you were hurt. Maybe it wasn't him. Maybe you were just too damn good at hiding it, after years and years of being alone.

To you, it had just become a habit. To deal with injuries on your own, constantly feeling as if you'd be a burden to anyone who'd be so kind as to offer the tiniest amount of help. That just wasn't you. You couldn't do that to people when you were fully capable of patching yourself up.

So when a target worth quite the amount of woolongs manages to get the better of you, you didn't give the burning pain on the left side of your waist a second thought. There were more important things going on, after all.

Luckily, you had your partner in crime with you. Spike had taken down the guy, and the two of you were very eager to retrieve your reward, the injury on your side already being forgotten. That is until you and Spike made it back to the Bebop.

The pain, which started off as a burning pain, then a throbbing pain, was now both of those and before you knew it, you were limping from the pain.

The thought of burdening Spike made you uneasy, so as best you could, you pushed through the pain and walked towards your room, ignoring the comments from Spike and Jet, both of which were asking where you were going.

"I'm tired, I'm going to lie down for a bit." Was all you said before disappearing.

Spike lied back on his yellow couch, arms resting under his head as he tried to push back the nagging thoughts that were telling him something was wrong with you. You'd tell him if something was wrong...Wouldn't you?

"Something happen?" Jet asked, his attention back to the tall man on the couch.

"We had a little bit of trouble with the guy, but I don't think anything more than that happened," Spike shrugged, lighting the cigarette he put between his teeth.

"You don't think?" Jet deadpanned.

Spike sighed and sat up, now wondering if maybe something more had happened. The guy was holding a knife...No, you would've said something. Or would you?

Deciding enough was enough, Spike stood up, dropping his cigarette and ignoring Jet's remarks that the ship wasn't his personal ash tray. He didn't care. He had to make sure you were okay.

Meanwhile, you stood in front of your mirror with your shirt off, blinking back the tears from the pain. It was a nasty wound. It was a deep cut and the amount of blood made you sick to your stomach.

Your shaky hands were busy cleaning the cut while your teeth were sunk into your bottom lip, trying to hold back the cries that so desperately wanted to escape.

A knock on your door made you yelp and before you could get a single word out, none other than Spike Spiegel let himself in.

"I just wanted to know if you were...," He trailed off, his eyes widening at your current state. Not to mention, the amount of blood.

"Shit, Y/n." He ran over to you. You turned away from him, almost as if that could stop him. You didn't want him to see you like this.

"I'm fine, Spike. It's just a scratch," You said frantically. Definitely not fine, and most definitely not just a scratch.

"A scratch? Are we looking at the same thing?" He replied, possibly just as frantic. It was odd to see him react in such a way. Normally Spike didn't lose his cool over situations like this.

"Okay, yeah, it's bad. But I can handle it, trust me, I've dealt with worse," You kept trying to push him away.

At those words, I've dealt with worse, Spike realized he didn't know you as well as he thought. What could you have possibly gone through alone?

"I have no doubt you can handle this, but you're not alone, so please let me help you with this," He held onto your shoulders while he crouched down to your height so he could look in your eyes.

You were at a loss for words as he spoke. You're not alone. It's true, you weren't alone, but you couldn't shake the feeling that you were burdening him.

"I don't want you to go out of your way for something like this," You gave one last futile attempt to deal with it alone.

He gave you a look. One that said "are you kidding me?" It made you want to hide in the corner like a little kid.

"Let me tell you something, Y/n. I'd go out of my way to help you with a goddamn paper cut, cause guess what, sweetheart? I kinda love you or something, all right? The last thing I want is for you to feel like you have to hide things like this from me because you're worried I'm going out of my way," He didn't look away from your eyes the entire time.

He loves you. You couldn't help the blush that appeared on your cheeks as you repeated his words in your head.

"So how 'bout it? Will you let me take care of you?" He asked, flashing you a comforting smirk. You sighed, unable to turn him down, even showing a small smile. "I suppose."

So he took care of your wound, apologizing every time you winced in pain, cleaned up the blood, and handed you a clean shirt to change into. Once you were fixed up, he pressed a kiss to your forehead and ushered you to the bed.

It was foreign to you, being taken care of like this. But you told yourself that if you were able to get used to dealing with things alone, then you could manage to get used to Spike helping you out once in a while.

A/n: just a lil something i thought was cute since ive been multitasking with anime and rewatching cowboy bebop at the same time im watching one piece and black clover teehee. very overstimulated. anywaysssss.

[hakkusan]

One thing I noticed (out of the many things to be noticed in the trailer) is the way Wille seems so different from the boy we got to know in the first season. Which, of course, is to be expected after everything he's been through, all the pressure he's under and the expectations he's trying to meet. Anyone would crumble. And it's so unfair because he's not just anyone and so he is not allowed to crumble. He has to change and adapt and try his damned best to stay in control of things that he has absolutely no control over. The prince was a frustrated and lonely, yet awkward and endearing boy who yearned for freedom and managed to find it in Simon. The Crown prince is now a hardened version of the boy he once was; we see him fight for what he wants, yes, and we are proud of him for it, but we barely see him smile anymore and even Simon, who was once an escape for Wille, is now shackled by the same chains as him.

Season one and two brought about many changes for Wille and we watched him become more resilient and proactive in the way he deals with the hand he's been dealt. But along with that comes the loss of the childlike innocence that most teenagers still get to hold on to. I think Simon has always represented that for him; a glimpse into a different world, one of innocence and candor and purity. A world where his happiness never has to come second to his obligations. It feels as though Wille is trying to figure out how to reconcile the two worlds he exists in: the one of love and the one of duty. And it seems as though he's completely aware that he won't be able to split himself into parts so that he can live in both. He's going to have to choose. And I cannot even imagine how absolutely terrifying it is having to make that choice.

I'm rambling. I'm scared. I miss our season one boys who were all giggly and soft and pure and did not have to deal with all this shit.

[touchtheinvisiblestars]

Imagine Javier when he finds out you went out alone against his orders.

***

The perpetually stressed man marched through the corridor, looking inside each office as he passed. Each room he looked in, he was left with a more and more unsettling feeling inside.

Where the hell are you?

When he reached the end of the corridor he paused. Trademark hands on hips stance, deep in thought.

Walking back to his own office he had a mind to ask Messina where you'd gone. Settling on grilling Steve first, he entered the office and made a beeline for the blond nose deep in a file.

"Murphy, where is she?"

"That's a can of worms I'm not getting into." He barely looked up from the file.

"Murphy." Pulling a chair next to his desk and sitting down, still staring at his colleague with disdain.

"Hm?"

"Tell me."

"She told me not to, kind of made me promise. Want me to start breaking promises now do you?"

"If she's doing something stupid, it'll be on you when she gets hurt and none of us were there to help her."

"Ahh, fuck- fine. She got approval to go investigate a tip we got."

"Where?"

"Over in Tequebusa, the got word of a disused school being used by a few of Escobars guys."

"Fuck. " Javier shot up, making Steve jump a little and stormed out of the room.

Following him, Steve was pulling on his jacket, "you can't go after her. She left fourty minutes ago and its an hour drive. By the time you get there she'll probably be on the way back"

"Do we have any way of contacting them?"

"No, they told us they would get into contact once they knew what was going on." Javier paused, stopping in the hallway to face Steve.

"Who the fuck agreed to that?!"

"You know who."

Javier thought for a moment. Weighing up his options.

"Fuck it, I'm going." He decided, taking off again.

Steve let out a sigh, "shit, I'll come too."

The pair rushed down to Javier's car, exiting the compound as fast as they could.

Speeding most, if not all of the way Javier found he couldn't stop worrying. Fuming at the same time that she was allowed to go with such a small team. Stetner knew they were still researching the scale of the activity going on there. That it was far too soon to move in on the lead they had been given.

Making up almost twenty minutes of time. They arrived, and as expected it was already done. The scene looking like a total disaster. Emergency services all over.

Stopping the car, Javier was out in an instant. Lighting a cigarette out of habit, and stress.

"Fucking hell, this is a shit show." Steve huffed, looking around it was hard trying to recognise anyone in the evening light.

"What the fuck happened". Steve asked one of the armed guards, who was covered in blood.

"It was a shitshow from start to finish. They knew we were coming and were waiting for us. First car got blown up as soon as it crossed the perimeter line. We managed to get a few of them. But it wasn't easy. Y/Ns in that ambulance there." He motioned to one of the ambulances.

Javier didn't need another invitation, he stormed over to it. Fearing the worst.

There you were, laid up on the bed, wincing as you were dealt with by the EMT. One of your arms bound in a sling, the EMT was trying to clean the wound on your leg

"Y/N. What happened. Why the fuck didn't you tell any of us?" Javi scolded as he stepped into the ambulance.

You winced as the paramedic pressed a bit too hard on your leg, "I got a classified letter with all the details on it. I was told you guys weren't needed as there was already a team here. Get here and we get fucking ambushed."

"So they're baiting the mail now. Fuckers."

"I rang Stetner, he told me the info was legit, when I suggested joining the team here, he was all for it." You explained. "I'm going to give that fucker a piece of my mind when I get back there."

"That's if there's anything left for you to shout at after Javi's done with him," Steve snickered, Javi shot him a sour look.

"All cleaned up. Ma'am I don't think that shoulders broken, but you should get it seen to by a doctor in the morning. It may just be a sprain, but better to be safe than sorry. You also need to rest that leg. It's only a minor burn, but you need to clean it and redress it twice a day."

"Thanks, uhh, can I have some painkillers?"

"Of course," the EMT reached into one of the ambulance compartments and pulled out a box, reading the contents before handing it to you, "two a day maximum, and there's 10 in there."

"Fantastic."

You slowly pulled your legs over the side of the gurney and stood up, trying to lean on your uninjured leg as much as possible. Javier watched as you limped to the steps, Steve already there to help you down.

"Come on, I'll drive you home," Javier joined your other side, hovering in case your leg gave out, "have you got food at home?"

"You think I'm taking medical leave? Javi, I've got paperwork to do and a boss to murder."

Steve gave Javi a perplexed look, "Y/N you can't just go back to work. Messina will send you home as soon as you sit down at your desk. You need to rest."

"I'm not going to win this argument am I?" You asked the pair of them.

"Nope." They both said at the same time.

[annievrse]

western nights

eren x fem!reader —ᡣ𐭩 fic summary: western nights by ethel cain, but make it eren w/c: 2.2k warnings: elements of a toxic relationship, mentions of sex (mdni), theft, drugs, a bar fight

Glass sprayed in all directions. It sparkled in the dim yellow light and settled on the dark, damp carpet below. It would have been mesmerising if the blood that followed hadn’t tainted the glistening and turned it into something more ominous. 

Patreons gasped around the room, but many left before the bottle was in his hand. You’d seen it happen from behind the bar but paid no mind, wiping down the counter before you from the drinks people spilt when they jumped at the sound of glass on bone. 

You hated saying you were used to it, but it was true. Eren Jaeger showed affection for you through bruised skin and bloody fists—and in this case, a beer bottle. To say it was love would be the truth; in some twisted way, it was his version. 

Slurred shouting from the man who had said vulgar things to you an hour earlier echoed in the small bar. But Eren didn’t let up; he never did. "Who raised you? You don't say shit like that to a woman! Piece of shit."

You didn’t dare lift your eyes from the sink as chaos ensued, as Eren kicked the man while he was down. People yelled at them to stop fighting—who were they kidding? Eren stopped when he wanted to.

Swallowing, you peeked at Eren. His dark expression and fiery eyes were focused on the man on the floor, whose blood was pouring out of his nose and the wound on his temple at the same worrying rate. A blow to his left eye was the only damage to Eren’s face; the red would soon turn purple, black, green, yellow. You’d seen enough on his skin to know the cycle. 

The grandfather clock behind him chimed. Midnight. 

A clap sounded behind you. “Alright! Everybody out!” 

Your manager looked the other way regarding fights in his bar, so the man on the floor received no pity, and Eren was dealt no punishment. 

“Go home,” he said to you, patting your shoulder. “And clean up your shit of a boyfriend.” 

You pursed your lips and nodded once, untying the apron at the base of your back. “Thanks. I will.” 

The bar door closed behind you and you spotted Eren in the parking lot, leaning against his pickup.

He was so devilishly handsome you felt you may have sinned if you dared a look at him. Eren blew smoke through his lips, drawn from the cigarette hanging loosely from his fingertips. Leather hugged his biceps, and his hair was tied in a bun–your favourite. 

As you walked toward him, Eren flicked the cigarette somewhere to his right and gave you a knowing look. The skin around his eye had already faded to purple, and a small cut you missed before sat high on his cheekbone, dried blood flaking off beneath it. 

“Thank you,” You mumbled as you wrapped your arms around his waist. Anything else would result in an argument, and you were too tired to deal with his bickering. 

Eren pressed his lips to the top of your head and hummed. 

You said nothing and leaned back, tilting your head at his injury. Your fingers traced the mark, and he didn’t pull away. “Does it hurt?” 

He shook his head and shrugged with one shoulder. “Anything for you, you know that. The son of a bitch deserved it.”

His hands held your elbows with such softness you’d often wondered how they could maim someone so easily. The same strong hands that held you close in the most intimate moments. The ones that caressed your cheeks when you’d cry. And the ones that would zip up your jacket when the wind blew chilly air from the North. 

Your eyes watered at the sight of his busted knuckles. You held his right hand between your own and kissed each split. The hands that would never cause you harm. 

“Let’s get home,” He whispered, touching your hair. 

Stay in the car, he told you. It’s just a quick stop. 

It was past 1 o’clock, and Eren still hadn’t returned from the gas station. He’d parked the pickup down the street, and you rested your head against the window. At this hour, nobody was on the small town's western roads. The stray black cat that lived in the barbershop on 4th Avenue was the only movement on the sidewalk, along with an empty soda can. You had a headache from the dim flickering street lamp above the car, so closing your eyes was the best option to keep the throbbing at bay. 

Your head bumped the window softly when Eren slammed the car door closed. Eyes opening, thick with sleep, you turned to see him hastily turning the key in the ignition. 

“Hey,” You mumbled groggily—when had you fallen asleep? 

“Hi, sugar. Sorry, I didn’t realise it would take so long,” he pulled the car away from the curb.

You knew what Eren got up to during these quick stops at the gas station. You first noticed when he’d spent an obscene amount of money on a gift for you and again when the shared one-bedroom house you lived in had no AC for the entire month of June. Random spurts of wealth were the confirmation you needed to know he’d been breaking into the ATM at the gas station for months. It was the run-down one on the corner that nobody really cared for, but the ATM was one of the only in town. An easy target: no security cameras, nobody worked there after 10pm, and it was on the shit side of town. 

Eren didn’t know you knew. Sure, he had odd jobs, but he wanted to move away from here, get into the city, and give you a good life. It was wrong, but his intentions were enough for you not to say anything about it. 

He loved you in his own way. 

The following morning, the familiar white and blue of the sheriff’s car sat parked outside. 

“Shit,” You muttered, noticing Eren wasn’t in the bed beside you. 

Chatting in the kitchen stopped you from running in there with only Eren’s t-shirt on. It confused you. Why would he laugh with the Sheriff in his home if he was in trouble?

Your mind was going a mile a minute, thinking through everything that had happened in the past week, month, year, and if the police knew about the fights, the theft, and even the drugs Eren had been selling to get you through the Winter nights with a heater. 

Eren had never asked you to do anything illegal for him—he had never thought about it. He would never put you through something you didn’t want to. But, you know you’d hold the gun if he told you to—you’d do anything for him. You trusted him. You loved him. 

So, you went back to your room. The TV in there was old and only had one channel, but you couldn’t handle the news then, so you turned on one of the others. Static echoed in the room, and you cried. 

Tears rolled down your cheeks, but you made no sound. You drew your knees to your chest and hugged them tight. In the corner of the bedroom, sat a girl who was drained, and confused, and lost, but so, so in love. 

The front door closed after there was a murmur of cheerful goodbyes, and then heavy footsteps made their way to the bedroom door. 

“Sugar? You okay?” 

You sniffled quietly, and nodded. “Yeah, Ren.” 

The door creaked as it swung on its hinges and you lifted your head from where it rested on your knee. The room was bright and Eren could see the Sheriff’s car drive down the street out the window. 

You remained in your spot, the wood floors were uncomfortable but you couldn’t move—frozen in fear of what-ifs. Eren tilted his head and slowly made his way toward you. 

He said nothing when he sat next to you, trying his best to pull his knees to his chest too. The sight made you laugh. 

“There she is,” Eren whispered, tipping your head up by your chin, his fingers gentle. “What’s wrong?” 

You shook your head. “Nothin’, just being silly.” 

“S’not silly if it’s makin’ you cry.” 

Your eyes traced every pore on his nose and every line on his forehead. The black eye he doned was worse in the morning light and you wondered if the Sheriff had asked about it. 

“Can’t say.” 

Love was never easy between you. Voicing it was the most difficult part, because love that ran as deep as it did between you and Eren was something you didn’t have to make known. 

“I know,” he mumbled, his eyes lazy as they flickered between yours. “You mean so much to me, baby, never forget that, okay?” 

You wiped your nose with the back of your hand and nodded. 

“Good girl,” Eren leaned down to press his mouth against yours. "We're gonna be free one day, and I'll give you everything."

And that morning, the neighbour’s hose sprayed at your bedroom window, like it did most days in the week. You weren’t silent when Eren touched you like that, when he hit that spot so deep inside you. You could scream how much you loved him. You never did.

But with your face in the sheets, there was nothing you cared more about than him. There was no telling where you ended and where he started. Eren was you, and you were Eren. 

He never told you why the Sheriff was in your kitchen.

“We gotta go,” was the only thing Eren said when he returned home. It was October. The days were getting shorter, and the chill from the North was making itself known in the West. 

You furrowed your eyebrows, arms elbow deep in the soapy sink. “What?” 

Eren raced around the house, the floorboards creaking concerningly. You heard the hangers in the wardrobe clinking together as Eren pulled clothes off them and into what you could only guess were the numerous duffle bags that sat abandoned at the bottom of the closet until now. 

You quickly dried your hands on the teatowel over your shoulder and hurried into the bedroom. You were right about the duffle bags. 

“Get all the shit you wanna take and meet me at the car,” he said while zipping up the bags and throwing them aside to fill another one. 

Your mouth was open in confusion, your breathing rapid. “What’s going on, Eren?” 

Eren shook his head in dismissal and with the flick of his hand, you went to the bathroom to get both your toothbrush and Eren’s, your face wash and body soap—the only things you’d need if you were right about what was happening. 

You were moving again. Crossing state lines where Eren couldn’t be caught for what he got up to at night. 

Walking back into the bedroom, Eren was gone, and so were the bags. You rushed into the kitchen to grab your sweater, and into the living room to grab your cell phone charger, and took one last look around the house you’d called home for a year and a half. You couldn’t believe you’d lasted this long here anyway. 

Quickly, you ripped a page from the notebook that sat on the round dining table and scribbled a note for your manager. He would be disappointed that his best bartender was leaving. 

You folded the page and shoved it in the back pocket of your jeans. Gathering everything you’d collected, you flew out the front door after turning the lights off, and were met with the harsh cold. 

Eren’s pickup was already running and you inhaled sharply through the Winter air that was already upon you. 

The passenger door was already open, so you jumped in and pulled the door closed. The wheels of the pickup squealed as Eren reversed back and took off down the street. 

The interstate wasn’t that far from the house, but you demanded one stop at the bar to stick your note through the mail slot. 

And soon, you were flying down the freeway, headlights low and dangerous. 

The windows of the pickup were down, and Eren’s hair was loose. Your hand rested amongst the locks, and his right hand caressed your thigh. 

It was 2 days into the drive. You’d stopped 4 times for gas, one night in a motel, and had eaten dried meat and gas station sandwiches for meals. But nonetheless, you wouldn’t trade it for the world. 

With Eren’s eyes on the road ahead and yours on his side profile, a tear dripped onto your chest. You weren’t sure if it was exhaustion or if you were truly losing your mind, but you were happy. Happy to follow him anywhere, happy to be the one person he chose to do this with, happy to be his partner for life.

Eren could feel your eyes on him and smirked. “Staring's rude.” 

You laughed waterly and wiped your cheek. He heard the emotion in your voice and glanced over, expression furrowing with concern at your red eyes. 

“What's wrong? You hungry?” 

You laughed again and shook your head, scratching his scalp softly. “I’m just so happy.” 

Eren scoffed playfully. “Baby, sorry, there's no way you’re happy with what I’ve given you so far.” 

But you nodded and leaned over to press a kiss to his cheek. “I’m happy wherever you are. I always will be.” 

His lips twitched and he turned his head to kiss you on the mouth. 

And Eren knew you loved him. He was terrified, but he trusted you. He loved you. Because you’d shoot the gun if he asked you to. For him, you’d do anything. And he'd do the same for you.

[aerodaltonimperial]

It’s nearing mid-December, I’m loopy as shit due to being heavily medicated for preschool germs that finally took me out, and that means I am gonna be REALLY SAPPY about fandom and fic and stuff for a hot minute, sorry in advance lol.

When 2024 started, fandom was, for me, kind of a shit show. We still didn’t know what was happening with Jack or if he’d ever come back to AEW and were heading into month five of his complete social media exile and disappearance. I had lost most of my OG fandom group after I deliberately walked away from the pairing I’d built my entire fandom reputation on. I was really feeling the effects of the overall decline across all fandoms of engagement and interaction, as things became less community-oriented and more of the (still true) TikTok content creation expectation that we’re still struggling against. It was a tough time! I really wasn’t sure I would stay! (In fact, in January of ‘24, I actually did step away for awhile, thinking I was probably done.)

The year 2024 starting saw me in this fandom writing almost solely for a pairing that A) did not exist prior to me getting obsessed with them in the spring of 2023, B) had not interacted in canon since May of 2023, C) half of whom was not even known to be ALIVE as the new year rolled over, and D) had never, ever been fandom darlings, let alone an actual thing beyond me dragging a few friends into rarepair hell with me.

That’s a really difficult way to be in a fandom! It can get lonely and difficult to keep motivation, and I feel like wrestling in general is hard anyway, simply because of the sheer number of characters and pairings and every single person in this fandom has attached themselves to something different. It’s a tough fandom to be in if you are creating, for sure, because you are really at the mercy of so much outside your control, haha.

We are ending 2024 in a way I never could have predicted, and I’m just so grateful for everyone who has been here or joined in this year or just supported me continuing to write the same crap all the time even if you don’t care much for them! 💚 Thanks to the feud I could not possibly have anticipated actually getting in canon, I was able to find so many new friends this year in fandom. We hit 100 works in the pairing tag before my birthday! I know it’ll never hit the numbers that the OG pairings in this fandom have, but that’s okay, and that was never anything I even expected. I’m just so happy that people are still open to reading my stuff and that I’ve got so many new people to flail excitedly with!

That’s really the part of fandom that matters to me: community. I love flailing with people, and being excited about stuff with people, and bouncing ideas off people. I love creating with people, because for me, that’s what it’s always been about. Being the sole creator gets really isolating, even if you love what you’re doing. And losing my original group I created with definitely factored into how tough I found times this past year and a half.

I didn’t get into this fandom expecting to make waves or anything, haha. I’m still kind of surprised that this rarepair ever took off and got as big as it has managed to, given everything. I wrote a shit ton of words this year as I dealt with the aftermath of finally admitting I failed at traditional publishing, and I’m beyond grateful that people took time out of their lives to read my silly fics. Sometimes people tell me that my fics made them smile on a bad day, or that they go back and reread old ones because they really like them, and I’ll never be able to explain how much that means to me to hear. I am so, so glad that I can make a handful of people happy with what I write. 💚

2024 was a weird year for me. My relationship with writing has fundamentally changed, probably forever, in the wake of failure. This fandom has had some real ups and downs for me that have changed the way I interact with people here. But I’ve also written some things I’m really, really proud of this year. And I’ve made some new friends who are so important to me through fandom. In the end, I’m still here, and I’m still finding joy in creating (when the depression isn’t bad), and I’m just really glad that you are here, too. Thanks for being part of things with me, everyone. 💚

[saintsenara]

happy birthday ginny, here's a fic with you and both of your dark-haired orphan simps.

Nerve

When she was five, Auntie Muriel had given her as a birthday present a small china figurine of a cow.

And, since she was five, and all she wanted to do was ride brooms and fall out of trees and throw gnomes at Percy, she had laughed derisively the second she opened the gift and called it ‘a bit rubbish’.

Mum had been furious, and the telling-off Ginny had received - as Muriel stormed out of the house with her nose in the air, ‘Weasley children are ungrateful whelps, the lot of them’ ringing around the Burrow - had managed to impress upon her an important lesson: no matter how shit a present is, pretend you like it.

---

- and Percy got a brand new owl when he was made a prefect, and that happened the day before I turned ten, but I didn’t get anything new that day, it was all second hand. Except my Auntie Muriel gave me a box of drawing pins. But who wants a thing like that?

That sounds ghastly.

It was! Obviously I wasn’t rude. I just -

I know it sounds really silly, but I just want my own things. I want to be special. I want everyone to notice me. Nobody notices me.

That doesn’t sound silly at all.

You’re sweet :) 

---

The lesson had held for ten years. It was fracturing today, as she turned fifteen and unwrapped Fleur’s gift to her - presented with a beatific, ‘I ‘ope you will like ‘ow it stops you being so - ‘ow you say - disorganised’ - and saw the embossed scarlet leather cover, her initials on it in gold, of an extremely beautiful and obviously stupendously expensive diary.

‘Oh,’ said Ginny.

Fleur seemed happy enough with that, leaning into Bill’s arm - wrapped around her shoulders - with a contented (read: smug) look on her face. Harry and Ron were both shovelling birthday cake into their mouths, but Hermione was looking at her with the sort of stricken, wobbly expression which made Ginny nervous.

‘Cheers. It’s great,’ she said to Fleur, in an effort to communicate to Hermione that she needed to keep fucking quiet and not bring up my previous diary-related fuck-ups at the dinner table. Fortunately she got the hint, although Ginny knew there’d be plenty of whispered nagging about whether she’d ‘properly dealt with everything’ later.

But she couldn’t help staring at Bill, as if to say, ‘thanks for not spilling my most embarrassing secret during your pillow talk’ and ‘hey, you know how there’s a war on? Maybe you should tell your fiancée that your sister was fucking possessed by You-Know-Who for a full year, so she knows exactly what sort of mess she’s getting into.’

He just looked at his cake instead.

---

- and I told mum I didn’t want a victoria sponge cake. But she made one anyway, because it’s dad’s favourite. But it was my birthday. I wanted a chocolate cake.

Does that make me sound really spoiled?

It does, doesn’t it?

What kind of birthday cakes did you have, when you were my age?

I have never had a birthday cake.

WHAT?

How???

I was born in an orphanage. That’s a Muggle institution for children whose parents are dead. There was hardly enough to go around normally. Birthdays were out of the question.  

Oh.

I’m sorry.

I survived.

Harry’s an orphan as well.

Is he indeed?

---

‘I’m so sorry,’ said Hermione later, bustling around Ginny’s room brandishing a hairbrush like a wand. ‘The nerve of her! She had no right to do something like that.’

‘She didn’t know.’

‘But Bill should have told her.’

‘Yeah. Maybe.’

Hermione sat on the end of Ginny’s bed and looked at her earnestly. ‘You can say if you’re upset, you know.’

‘It’s fine.’

‘I mean, I’ve never thought you’ve ever properly dealt with everything, and I -’

‘I said it’s fine, Hermione. For fuck’s sake, give it a rest.’

---

Hermione was still in a mood the following morning.

The diary sat on Ginny’s bedside table, the cover shimmering softly at her.

‘I suppose the colour was meant to be nice - Gryffindor, you know - but it’s just ended up being another cruelty,’ sniffed Hermione, when she’d decided she was no longer angry with Ginny and she ought to have another go at nagging her about her life.

‘What d’you mean?’ said Ginny, round a mouthful of chocolate frog.

Hermione looked at her as if she was as dumb as Goyle. (Ginny could see why quite a few people didn’t like her). ‘Well, it’s like his eyes. Isn’t it?’

She looked so convinced she was onto something that Ginny didn’t have the heart to tell her that her him had eyes the same polished tortoiseshell brown as Hermione’s own.

---

I could make him a valentine’s card, couldn’t I?

You could.

I could say he has nice eyes. He does have nice eyes.

So you’ve said.

They’re very green. I could say that. ‘You have very green eyes.’

That’s not very romantic, is it?

I could say, ‘you have eyes so green they’re like…’

I dunno.

A fresh pickled toad.

Or an emerald.

Pick the emerald.

I like the toad.

Pick the emerald.

They aren’t emerald green, though. They’re fresh pickled toad green.

I just think -

I’m going to say that his eyes are as green as a fresh pickled toad.

Or do you think he’d hate that? 

I think you should say his eyes are like emeralds.

He will hate it, won’t he?

Would it matter if he did?

YES.

Picture me rolling my eyes.

Tom. I’d DIE.

Imagine if he laughed at it. 

And if he didn’t?

That isn’t possible.

Ginny.

Anything is possible if you’ve got enough nerve.

---

She dropped a blob of ink onto the page and waited for the inevitable.

She realised she had been staring at it for hours when mum called her down for dinner.

---

She could never have explained to the other three why nothing happening was as much of a disappointment as a relief.

They were bound together so tightly you’d have thought they were one-and-the-same. It didn’t seem to occur to them that their friendship was abnormal. Or, maybe, that hers were. That, maybe, it isn’t normal for a fifteen-year-old to not see her boyfriend all summer, or not to have friends visit, or not to Floo off for house-parties and trips to Diagon Alley. That, maybe, her position in a clique of ‘popular’ girls was tenuous, something light and meaningless and easily discarded.

That, maybe, the best friend she’d ever had was a piece of disembodied soul which had very nearly succeeded in killing her.

---

I don’t think anyone understands me like you.

You’re my best friend in the whole world :) 

I’m delighted to hear that. The feeling is mutual.

Now. I need you to do me a favour.

Anything :)

You will walk down to the gamekeeper’s hut.

I will walk down to the gamekeeper’s hut.

---

‘I don’t think Harry will get back together with Cho,’ said Hermione one evening.

Ginny snorted. ‘Yeah, obviously. He fucked that right up.’

‘Dean’s nice.’

Ginny tried to ignore the jittery feeling in her stomach. ‘Yeah. Yeah, he’s brill.’

Fortunately Hermione was already yawning into her pillow. ‘Did you have a nice birthday, by the way?’

‘Yeah.’

There was a brightly-coloured bang from outside.

Hermione jumped up, brandishing her wand. ‘What on earth was that?’

---

I wish I was with mum and dad for Christmas. On New Year’s Eve we always have hot chocolate and watch the fireworks from the village. You can see them really well from our garden.

I spent all evening crying. And now I can’t sleep. 

Are you awake?

Is it New Year’s Eve today?

Yes.

Ah.

It doesn’t feel very festive though.

Go to the North Tower, and - just before the Divination classroom - you will see a painting of three house elves wearing a trench coat. Poke the middle one on the nose and the painting will swing open to reveal a window. Climb through the window and you will find yourself on a flat bit of roof, with an uninterrupted view towards Hogsmeade. At midnight, there will be fireworks to celebrate the new year. 

But there will be nobody else around, and they will feel as though they are for you.

---

‘Relax, Hermione. It’s just someone letting off fireworks.’

‘God. I thought it was the Dark Mark or something. Honestly, who lets off fireworks in the middle of August?’

‘You never know. Maybe they’re for me.’

[achaotichuman]

Heaven Help A Fool Who Falls In Love

I found this in the depths of my WIPs and finished it to make myself feel better. Hope you like it.

“Tamlin!” Lucien slammed open the door, eyes blazing. He chewed on the inside of his cheek, trying not to lash out. They had a meeting going on. Right. That. Second. 

Tarquin and Helion were waiting downstairs, wondering exactly where the High lord of Spring was. Tarquin had organised the meeting, picking the options dealt to him that were most likely to accept alliances. After talking the matter over with Lucien, Tamlin had eagerly accepted, followed by Helion. 

Now they were in Tamlin’s study, sitting by the desk growing more agitated by the second. Lucien might have been more pissed about the situation than them, because where the fuck was his High lord hiding this time?

Tamlin wasn’t exactly great at keeping track of time, but this meeting they had been speaking of non-stop for weeks. It was their chance to forge the bonds ruined when Feyre came for them. Spring had mostly been rebuilt and most of the population had returned after careful reconstruction of the Court, but they needed back their allies. 

Lucien angrily scanned the room, his metal eye clicking rapidly. It was shrouded in darkness as the curtains were closed. Through the dark he spotted a Fae sized lump hidden under the covers on the bed. 

Lucien nearly lost his mind. He stormed over to the curtains and threw them open, letting the sunlight flood the room. He heard a quiet, muffled groan from the bed and clenched his hands into tight fists. 

“Tamlin I swear to the Gods, if you are not dressed and ready under those covers I am going to burn you to death, Tarquin and Helion are waiting downstairs we don’t have time for this!” Lucien opened the window, allowing the cool breeze to hail through. 

“Meeting?” Tamlin croaked. 

Lucien went still, ears perked. 

His voice was eerily quiet, scratched and raspy. 

Lucien turned around and… God Gods. 

Tamlin looked like death itself.

His skin was pale and pasty, a flush of red spread across his near white skin. His hair was knotted and wet, sticking to the sides of his face from sweat. He sat up, arms trembling and swaying like he might pass out. 

All anger immediately dissipated, “Tam.” Lucien rushed out, half crawling onto the bed. 

“Tam what’s wrong.” Lucien asked.

Tamlin could only groan as he closed his eyes, just managing to sit up straight. He was still in his sleep clothes despite it bordering on afternoon. 

Lucie put a hand to his forehead and hissed in a breath as he drew it back, “Fuckin Cauldron, you’re burning up.”

“Luce..” Tamlin moaned quietly, swaying to his left, looking as though he was about to collapse. 

“Shit. Shit, shit, shit.” Lucien wrapped his hands around Tamlin’s too hot arms and Tamlin fell into his chest. Burying his face in the crook of Lucien’s neck. 

“It’s so cold in here.” Tamlin mumbled, his voice quivering. 

“Cold?” Lucien questioned, running a hand down Tamlin’s back, his shirt was utterly soaked. Still he took in too tight breaths, rasping, shivering in Lucien’s arms. 

“Lucien.” Tamlin whimpered like it was the only word he knew. He whined as he pressed himself closer to the Fox, “Everything hurts.”

“Okay. It’s okay.” Lucien murmured quietly. He pulled Tamlin into his arms and let the male drape himself against his friend. 

“Lucien, High lord.” Lucien looked over his shoulder to see a small servant girl standing in the doorway, “The High lords are growing impatient.”

Tamlin snapped his head up as he gasped in a breath, “Fuck the meeting, I need to-”

Tamlin tried to get up from the bed, but Lucien grabbed his waist and hauled him down to sit in his lap. Holding him there, Lucien called to the servant girl and told her, “Please run a bath, summon a healer, prepare new bedding and fresh sleepwear. And tell the kitchens to make up a soup. I’ll deal with the High lords in a moment.”

She straightened and curtsied low, “Of course my Lord.”

She left, shutting the door silently. Lucien breathed in slowly through his nose, then Tamlin tensed. 

“Fuck, I’m gonna throw up.” He gasped out. 

“Oh shit.” Lucien only took a second before he jumped up and hauled Tamlin to his feet, forcing the male to move with him. Tamlin closed his eyes and bit down on his lip. His arms wrapping around Lucien’s neck and his fingers digging into his back. 

Lucien considered throwing the male over his shoulder and just carrying him, but Tamlin sucked in a breath then ran to the bathroom himself. Lucien stood rooted in place, unsure of what exactly to do as retching sounds filled the room. The Fox awkwardly scrambled to the threshold and watched as Tamlin gripped the seat, near doubled over as he emptied the contents of his stomach. His blond hair a bird’s nest like mess. 

The firelord walked into the room and put a hand on Tamlin’s shoulder, getting down on his knee next to him. The Spring Lord retched again, but shooed him away with the hand closest to Lucien. 

“Fuck off!” Tamlin told him in between gagging. 

“I’m helping you Tam-”

“Don’t need your fuckin pity.” Tamlin croaked out. 

“Oh Tamlin.” Lucien murmured. He moved to sit behind him, the Spring Lord attempted to swat at him again. To get him to go away, to leave, to not see him in such a vulnerable position. 

Lucien just gently pulled his sweat soaked hair away from his face and tied it up with a leather strip in his pocket into a messy bun atop his head. 

Tamlin rolled his eyes, then dry heaved, his body out of fluids, but still purging. Lucien rubbed his back, murmuring about mundane things. The tiles, the lights, the weather, Helion’s over the top entrance into Spring on a carriage of Pegusi. 

Tamlin had laughed, then heaved again, before he finally fell back against Lucien’s chest. Gasping in breaths and coughing. Lucien ran his hands up and down Tamlin’s sides, gently soothing him. Whispering into the skin of his neck. 

Two servants entered the room, they didn’t look at the two on the ground for more than a second before they both went for the tub and filled it with lukewarm water. As they puttered around, Lucien managed to get Tamlin on his feet once again. The Spring Lord practically being carried by Lucien. 

Lucien led him to the sink and helped him to wash his mouth out. Then he wrapped a strong arm around the backs of his thighs and hefted him up onto the sink counter. He then tugged his shirt up. Tamlin lifted his arms with no resistance, allowing Lucien to take complete control and manhandle him as he pleased. 

“The bath is drawn, my Lords,” A servant said, a female with curly hair and green eyes told them. The other servant waved his hands and a small pile of fresh, folded clothing appeared. 

Lucien nodded to them, then jutted his head towards the door as he took the clean clothes from the male's hands, they both nodded and left quickly. 

At this point Tamlin had tipped his head back with his eyes closed, swaying again, too out of it to know what was happening. 

“Hey Tam.” Lucien murmured, walking back over to stand between his legs. Tamlin lazily moved his eyes downward, his pupils moved quickly back and forth, murky and unseeing. 

“You need a bath, okay. I need to take off these.” Lucien told him, talking slowly, as he pulled gently at his pants. 

Tamlin seemed in the moment enough to just nod his consent before tipping his head back, near unconscious already. 

Lucien snapped his fingers and the lower half of his friend’s clothing was gone, the male flinched slightly, but Lucien took him back into his arms and pulled him off the counter and then towards the bathtub. 

When they reached the edge, Lucien didn’t bother to try and lead Tamlin in on his own two feet. He swept an arm underneath his legs and around the back of his chest, lifting him off the floor. 

Tamlin didn’t care for the sudden change, he just nuzzled his face against the crook of Lucien’s neck. The fire lord pressed his nose into Tamlin’s kiss, grazing the too hot skin with his lips. 

He lowered Tamlin into the water. Tamlin gasped sharply, pulling up, back arching as he grabbed at Lucien’s shirt. Lucien whispered sweet nothings in his ear, gently pushing him down into the bath.

“You need to wash up. It’ll be alright, just a few minutes lovely. Then we’ll get you into some clean, dry clothes.”

Tamlin shuddered, wrapping his arms around Lucien’s neck and nearly dragging him into the water with him. Lucien kneeled on the floor beside the tub and quickly grabbed a bottle of rose-smelling soap and began to rub into the High lord’s skin. Tamlin made a small sound in the back of his throat as his eyes closed and his head tilted back. 

He mumbled something, words slurred and voice too quiet for Lucien to make out what he said. It didn’t sound happy but not uncomfortable, so Lucien just hummed in response, continuing his gentle ministrations. 

Tamlin’s skin began to cool off, but there was still a distinct heat to it. Regardless he was clean, and the water was old and grimy. Lucien slipped his arms around the Lord and quickly lifted him out. Tamlin gasped, a breathy, throaty noise, tightening his arms’ grip around Lucien’s neck. The Fox murmured sweet nothings in his ear as he drew up a drop of flame and caused the water on his skin to instantly evaporate. 

Tamlin sighed at the sudden warmth and the lack of chilling water all over his body. Lucien tried whispering his name but the High lord was barely able to respond, only managing more mumblings while his head lolled onto Lucien’s shoulder. His green eyes fluttered open, those long, gorgeous blonde eyelashes shading the piercing green underneath them. Lucien watched as Tamlin’s bottom lip stuck out just slightly in an almost pout. The Fox couldn’t suppress the quiet laugh that left his throat. 

“Time for bed,” Lucien said, Tamlin mumbled something in response, and Lucien kissed his forehead. 

With a touch of magic, Tamlin’s clothes were on his body, wrapping him in layers of warmth. Lucien walked back to his bed to see that the bedding had been changed. Gently, he lowered Tamlin down onto the mattress, then pulled the blankets over him. 

As Lucien pulled away, Tamlin whined, a high sound from the back of his throat. Lucien was beside him again in a second. Hands running through his blond hair. Tamlin grabbed Lucien’s wrist, holding as tightly as he could, though that wasn’t very tight, as his energy had been drained. 

“What’s wrong sweetheart?” Lucien murmured. 

“Please don’t leave.” Tamlin managed to say, eyes falling shut and grip becoming looser on Lucien’s wrist. 

Lucien loosened a breath. 

Fuck. 

He stood up and Tamlin whined again, but he quickly pressed a kiss to his hair, making Tamlin’s eyelashes flutter. 

“I’ll be right back.” Lucien whispered, then quickly strode off. 

“Wait! Lucien!” 

Lucien so desperately wanted to go back, Tamlin was feverish and out of it. But he had something he had to do first. 

He near ran down the staircases, blazing past the servants, Alis caught his hand and pulled him back, “Lucien what is-”

“Tamlin’s sick.” Was all Lucien told her. 

Alis’ eyes widened by a fraction, then she quickly nodded and fled off to do whatever it was that Alis did when the High lord was sick. Lucien didn’t ponder on where she went for long. He walked into Tamlin’s office. 

Tarquin was playing with one of his white braids, Helion was staring at the ceiling, both looking oh so bored. 

“I’m sorry my Lords, but we will have to reschedule this meeting.” Lucien clapped his hands as he walked in, already anticipating the reaction. 

Tarquin’s eyes went wide with indignation, before his face quickly smoothed over. Anger edged on Helion’s face. Lucien remained stern, back ramrod straight, eyes set and hard. 

“We have been planning this meeting for weeks-” Tarquin started. 

“Unfortunately our planning did not account for illness, Tamlin is unable to so much as move from his room, we will have to reschedule.” Lucien said, with no room for argument in his voice, the only goal in his head was to get back to Tamlin as quickly as possible, with as minimal aggravation from the High lord’s as possible. 

Tarquin blinked, and Helion swivelled his head towards the door like he could peer up at Tamlin’s room. 

The Day Lord asked, “Tamlin’s sick?”

Lucien quirked an eyebrow, “Unfortunately.”

A sigh escaped the Summer Lord’s throat, as he tossed one leg over the other, “Perhaps next time lead with ‘Tamlin is sick’ otherwise arguments may ensue, Lucien.”

Helion grinned at Tarquin, “I was just about to ram him into the floor for making me come all this way just to not show.”

“Yes, wouldn’t want all the money you spent on that unnecessary dramatic entrance to go to waste would you.” Tarquin rolled his sea-blue eyes. 

“Unnecessary or not, you were impressed.” Helion accused. 

“Your Pegusi would be put to better use running about their arena’s than having to carry you here.” Tarquin threw back. 

Between the two lords a small argument ensued. Lucien loosened a breath, thankfully he was dealing with the most level headed Lords in Prythian, second maybe only to Thesan, who couldn’t make it due to mix-ups with meetings. Though Lucien was glad for it now. 

The Fox slipped quietly away from the meeting room, giving quick instructions to an attendant nearby to allow the Lords the choice to stay for the night. It was out of pure apology for their time having been wasted, but given Tarquin’s fear of anything germ related and Helion’s increasingly annoyed Pegusi wishing for flight, Lucien doubted either would take up the offer. 

With nimble feet, Lucien quickly fled back up to Tamlin’s room. Arriving by the large wooden door in just a few short minutes that felt like hours. 

The door was ever slightly ajar, when he pushed it open, soft light from the afternoon flooded his sight. Immediately drawing his gaze to the bed was a certain bark-skinned lesser Fae. Sitting on an emerald chair by the bed, stroking Tamlin’s golden hair away from his face. Alis watched with a mother’s loving gaze as the High lord shifted ever so slightly in his sleep. A bowl of warm water, with lavender and eucalyptus oil sat on the bedside table. Every so often Alis lightly dipped a washcloth into the water and ran it over Tamlin’s forehead, chest and hair. 

Lucien may have been able to stand there for several hours and Alis would not have even slightly noticed him. He considered leaving for a moment, but then remembered that he absolutely did not want to still be gone if Tamlin woke up. 

So the fox silently pushed open the door, and Alis looked up. Her Fae senses picking up on the sudden movement. She laid eyes on Lucien and smiled, eyes dipping back down to her adoptive son. 

“How did the High lords react?” She asked, running the washcloth over Tamlin’s forehead again. 

“Well, surprisingly well,” Lucien answered, Alis hummed in response, her rough fingers skirting over Tamlin’s temple. 

“How is he?” Lucien asked, closing the door and walking over. He slipped onto the bed, running a hand lightly down Tamlin’s side, ending up with resting his palm over the curve of his waist. As if sensing Lucien’s warmth returned, Tamlin made a small pleased sound which made Lucien and Alis laugh. 

“Not great, but he’ll be fine in a few days, so long as he rests.” Alis answered, “I’ve already called for a healer, she’ll be here in a few hours time.”

“What do you think it is?” Lucien asked, “A cold?”

Alis pursed her lips, then made another humming sound, “I don’t think so. I think he’s just run himself into the ground.”

“Again.” She added with an eye roll, then pinned Lucien with a glare he nearly flinched from, “Which is something you do to. Do you see what happens, Lucien, this is why we take breaks, no one needs you both sick from your own unwillingness to stop working.”

Lucien rolled his own eyes, then threaded his fingers through Tamlin’s hand, gently working the knots out of the blond strands. 

Alis put a hand on his, Lucien looked up as she moved his hand to face up and placed the washcloth in the centre of his palm. He raised an eyebrow, she said, “I have to go take care of my duties, you take care of him.”

The Fox blinked, then quickly nodded his head, “You go do what you need to do.”

Alis smiled, then leaned down and kissed Tamlin’s head, before quickly getting up, collecting her skirts and leaving. The door clicked shut, and Lucien was alone with Tamlin. 

Loosening a sigh, Lucien settled into the covers beside his High lord. Laying on his side, his head propped up by his hand. Free arm gently running the oils and warm water through his hair. 

A few minutes of silence passed, Lucien took in every line and curve of Tamlin’s form. The dip of his waist, his broad chest expanding with every breath, his long hair, damp and dark gold laying across the emerald sheets. 

Then he stirred, opening his eyes, Lucien startled slightly as Tamlin moved to lay on his back. Staring up at Lucien with bleary eyes. His pupils dilated and moved too quickly, not really focused on anything. 

“Hey sleepyhead.” Lucien murmured, placing the washcloth on the bedside table, before gently cupping the side of Tamlin’s face. Stroking his cheek with his thumb. Finally Tamlin’s eyes focused in on Lucien’s face, darting around his features before settling in on looking into his eyes. 

Tamlin mumbled something too quiet for Lucien to catch, the Fox chuckled, and pressed his forehead to Tamlin’s, “What was that, pretty boy?”

Tamlin breathed a laugh, “Pretty boy?”

Lucien bit down on his lip, trying to contain his grin, he was unsuccessful, “Yes, pretty boy.”

“Okay, handsome man.” Tamlin replied. 

Lucien’s face flushed bright pink, he ducked his head, laughing. Trying to hide his blush by pressing his face into Tamlin’s chest, hearing the strong heartbeat behind his ribs. Lucien’s right hand moved to grasp at Tamlin’s left, threading their fingers together. 

“Mhmm, my head hurts.” Tamlin moaned, eyes falling closed as his head tipped back. 

Lucien lifted his head, seeing the uncomfortable flush spread across the High lord’s skin. He shifted to sit up beside him. Tamlin opened his green eyes, duller than normal, no doubt a result of his exhaustion. Lucien hummed in sympathy as he tugged Tamlin by his arms, gently coaxing him into sitting up. Tamlin followed the motions, looking a little confused but far too tired to argue. 

Lucien put his hands on Tamlin’s waist and moved him to sit in his lap. His back to Lucien’s front, in between his legs. Tamlin furrowed his eyebrows, but Lucien put a hand on the crown of his head and lightly pushed his head back, to rest on his shoulder. Tamlin let out a content sigh as he finally relaxed against Lucien. 

Then the Fox put both hands into hair, firmly pressing the tips of his fingers into his scalp and rubbing circles into his head. Tamlin’s lashes fluttered as his eyes rolled back and a soft noise escaped his throat. 

“Like that, pretty boy?” Lucien asked with laughter in his voice. 

Tamlin smiled, beginning to slip back into a delirious state as sleep took hold again, “Yes, handsome man.”

Lucien bit his lip as he grinned like an idiot. Continuing his ministrations as Tamlin’s head rolled and he started to fall asleep. Tamlin’s lips pressed into Lucien’s neck as his breathing slowed into a deep, constant rhythm. Lucien’s head pressed back into the fabric headboard, watching his fingers work firm motions into Tamlin’s scalp, as the male shivered in unconscious pleasure when the emissary moved his fingers just right. 

“Such a pretty boy.” Lucien whispered in his ear. Tamlin didn’t respond, fully and utterly asleep, lost to his dreams, whatever happened there. Lucien smiled as he shifted, so he wasn’t stuck behind Tamlin. Wrapping an arm around him, and one slipping underneath his knees, Lucien effortlessly picked Tamlin up, the male groaned in frustration at being jostled so, his eyebrows furrowing slightly, but no less than a few seconds later, Lucien placed him back down onto the bed. Tamlin sighed at being in amongst the soft sheets again. 

Smiling, Lucien climbed back in beside him, moving to lay right beside him. Seeking out the warmth of Autumn fire, Tamlin shifted to face Lucien. The Fox wrapped both his strong arms around Tamlin, pulling him close. Tamlin hummed happily, burying his face into Lucien’s chest. Encased in warmth, their legs intertwined, Lucien pulled the duvet over them both. 

Lucien’s lips found Tamlin’s hair and temples, then his cheeks and forehead, kissing wherever he could. Rubbing his hands up and down his back, running his fingers through his hair, Lucien touched and kissed everything he could. As much as he could. Pouring every ounce of love he held for his High lord into each gesture.

“I love you,” Lucien whispered, “I love you, and I need you.”

Tamlin’s breath stuttered ever so slightly, Lucien murmured, “I need you like blood, my dear.”

“I love you too.” A croaky voice whispered back, into the planes of his chest, “I need you too.”

Redness creeping up his skin, Lucien bit down on his stupid smile and pulled Tamlin closer. Wanting to press into his skin and become one, nestled with each other in the dark forever. 

“My pretty boy.” Lucien whispered. 

“My handsome man.” Tamlin murmured, with laughing eyes as he looked up at Lucien. 

He could barely take it, his skin was bursting and he felt himself coming to pieces. Moving his hands, Lucien cupped Tamlin’s face. They were so close Lucien could see every little detail on his face, the freckle on the bridge of his nose, the tiny cut under his lip from a knife at training a few days ago, the pure love and adoration in his eyes when Lucien looked at him. 

“Tamlin.”

“Lucien.”

Neither remembered, nor cared who pressed forward first. Just that they did, and that brush of their lips was Lucien’s final string undone. He rolled them over, straddling Tamlin as he cupped the back of his head and pressed them closer together. Tamlin’s eyes rolled back, as Lucien kissed him like he was tasting heaven itself. Tamlin wrapped his arms around Lucien’s neck, kissing him back as slowly, but as deeply as the other. 

The Tamlin suddenly pulled back and Lucien was startled, for a moment fear flickered through him that they had gone to far, but Tamlin just sat up quickly, nearly pushing Lucien off of him as he sneezed into his elbow, groaning as he put a hand to his head, the headache returning in full. 

“Shit, right, you’re sick.” Lucien laughed, in the heat of that second he had forgotten everything except Tamlin’s lips on his. 

“Yeah.” Tamlin laughed, though his voice sounded sore and blocked, “Just a bit.”

Lucien smiled, then took his hands, “C’mon, let’s get you to sleep, pretty boy.”

Tamlin grinned, “Whatever you say, handsome man.”

[x-bluefire-heart-x]

Shit, Dealt With

Okay, So I am back with the next chapter of Grumpy ADA and the Detective. It took a while but I did it.

Warnings: mentions of sexual assault, an anxiety attack, death, violence, drugging, kidnapping, swearing, leering creepy suspect. It isn’t explicit but is discussed more than it was in the previous chapters. I'd say it was universe typical.

Master list

Prompt List

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Six

Tag List: @profoundtyrantharmony @wanniiieeee @zizzlekwum

Two weeks, that was how long this case had been going on. Two more bodies had turned up, all similar in age and body type. And all with the same type of injuries, the unsub was smart, there was no way to identify the bodies except hoping that their DNA or fingerprints were in the system or someone had reported them as missing and as they were all disposed of in bodies of water any traces of DNA were either washed away or so corrupted there was no chance of getting a match. You had managed to get a working profile of the Unsub but without any information on the three victims the profile wasn’t fully complete.

“Male, late 30s to early 40s, gay or at least bi,” you muttered staring at the crime scene images. “Probably attractive and charming enough to lure these men to them, with the specific location of the attacks there is a massive chance of internalised homophobia, but that could be on the victims side just as much as the Unsubs side. Definitely a sadist.”

“Is it a terrible thing that I am hoping for another body?” Amanda asked coming up beside you.

“I’m hoping for the same thing,” you answered turning to look at her. “But as of now, we have nothing to go on. Surely someone has missed our victims, there is no sign of them having been homeless. Their teeth were all in good condition, hair was looked after and treated, their bodies showed clear signs of steady meals and exercise.”

“Maybe they were all loners, who didn’t connect with many people?” she suggested. “Especially, if they didn’t always like who they were.”

“True, which is going to make this even harder,” you signed slumping in your chair. The only good thing to come from this case being difficult was you had no need to go the ADA for anything or for him to come here. At most the two of you shared strained polite smiles and boy did the room fill with tension.

Amanda nudged you when she noticed Rafael walking into the squad room making his way to Cragen’s office. Finn and Olivia were both off on lunch leaving you, Nick and Amanda as the only other detectives in the office. You subtly tracked him as he entered the Captains office and closed the door. Your chest squeezed at the sight of him, but it didn’t feel anything like what happened two weeks ago, it was a very different feeling.

“You okay?” Amanda asked stepping into your line of sight.

“Yeah, I will be,” you answered. “Um, would you tell the Cap-”

“Viper, could I see you for a moment?” Cragen interrupted you, motioning you to enter this office. You froze, body going a little cold, sending a wide eyed look to Amanda.

“You’ll be fine, just leave if you need to,” Amanda squeezed your arms, getting you moving. You nodded taking a deep breath and counting to ten before entering Cragen’s office.

Rafael was standing to the side near the observation window into the interview room, his shoulders were tense but that was before you had even entered so you figured it wasn’t necessarily because of your presence. You focused solely on Cragen who had a folder in his hand.

“You needed me?” you asked.

“Yes, it’s well, it involves a case that you worked on before you went undercover,” Cragen started. “Actually, it’s the case that caused you to need to go undercover.”

“Oh?” you felt your breathe freeze in your lungs, you crossed your arms and shifted from foot to foot unable to stay still as an anxious energy filled you. “What-what about it?” You could feel Rafael’s eyes on you, you didn’t even want to know what the look on his face was, you refused to look at him.

“Zac Cooper is demanding he speaks to an ADA about a deal to change his sentence,” Rafael answered for Cragen, bringing your attention to him.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” anger filled you as you turned to Rafael, disbelief clear as day on your face. “That son of a bitch hurt so many women, what could he possibly have to offer that would even make us consider lessening his sentence or anything else.” Rafael was not surprised by your reaction, he had read over the case notes and when he got to your reports and your testimony from the trial he was suddenly hit with guilt for how he responded to your apology and how he hadn’t made any effort to close the distance that was between the two of you.

“That’s why I wanted to talk to you,” Cragen brought your attention back to him, holding a hand up stalling Rafael from answering you. “I wanted you to go with Barba and speak with him.” The anger that was billowing inside, slowly simmered back down at the thought of being in the same room as that man.  You breathed deeply looking at Cragen.

“Me?”

“I know that this case was difficult for you but you know it best, you’ll have a better idea of the relevance of the information he has,” Cragen answered. “If he knows-”

“I get it,” you interrupted. “I’ll do it. Counsellor, when would you like to leave?”

“Now if possible,” Barba answered.

“I’ll grab my things, I’ll drive,” you looked back at Cragen, getting the nod to leave.

“A word Counsellor,” Cragen stopped Rafael from leaving. “This will be difficult for them. I ask that you keep an eye on them and if Viper looks like it is getting to much for them please remove them from the situation.”

“I’ve read the police reports and their testimony,” Rafael admitted. “I will keep my eye on them, but I doubt they will listen if I try to make them leave.”

“You’d be surprised,” Cragen smiled. “Viper isn’t necessarily scared of Zac Cooper but it is the closest I have seen. Perhaps, you could use the drive to put this tension in the past, and get to know them. I would rather like to no longer have to deal with the two of you. As would Olivia.”

“Noted,” Rafael nodded. He left the office noting that you were talking to Nick whose face was pinched and angry. He looked over your shoulder and glared at Rafael. “Detective, I shall wait at the elevator for you.”

“You shouldn’t have to do this,” he overheard Nick imploring you. “Especially with him.”

Rafael shook his head once he was out of sight, he had noticed that Nick had been hovering around you anytime he had been at the station in the past two weeks. Even with as little interaction that the two of you had, he knew that you wouldn’t appreciate the hovering, you seemed like the type of person who appreciated people showing that they cared and were concerned but not overdoing it. Rafael leant against the wall, scrolling through his phone in an attempt to get the image of you from Cragen’s office out of his head. He had never seen you like that, it looked like you had frozen at the mention of Coopers name and the thought of having to see and speak with him. But when you had heard that he wanted a deal that fire was back, your face was so expressive that Rafael could see the rage but also the trepidation that you were feeling. He had to admire your dedication to the job that you were willing to accompany him to speak with Cooper, even though what Cragen said was correct, you had the best chance at knowing if Cooper was bullshitting.

“I’ll be fine Nick,” you said, a hard edge to your voice from his comments before Rafael had walked past. Implying that you needed someone else to be with you to handle Cooper. “I know what I am doing and I don’t appreciate you acting like I’m so fragile.”

Nick raised his hands, face open and pleading but you wanted nothing to do with him at the moment. You were getting a little tired of Nick coddling you, he didn’t do it all the time but when he did it was almost too much. You knew you had kinda lost it in-front of him but if he truly wanted to help you he’d ask you how, not assume you needed your hand held or to be protected. You walked away, knowing you needed to be calm for the trip to were Zac Cooper was being held, and for your interaction with him. But most importantly you didn’t want to make the situation between you and Barba worse. You walked around the corner to see Rafael leaning against the wall next to the elevators, one hand in his pants pocket and the other tapping away at his phone. You faltered in your next step at the sight before shaking your head lightly and continuing towards him. He looked up hearing your footsteps, putting away his phone as he faced the elevator and hit the button.

“It’s a bit of a drive, have you had lunch yet?” you asked, voice a bit tense. Rafael glanced at you from the corner of his eye, noting the tension in your shoulders and your hands periodically clenching, fingers rubbing against your palm. He had noticed a similar motion just before you had testified on the stand during the O’Neil case, he found his eyes trailing back up your arm, scanning your neck noticing a small freckle just under your jaw. “Counsellor?”

“Not yet,” he quickly answered focusing away from you, ignoring the feeing in his chest. “Maybe we could get some quick take away and eat in the car?”

“Yeah, that sounds good. Sandwiches? There’s a good place just down the road?” you both stepped into the elevator having to crowd a little close due to there being a few people in there already.

“Sandwiches are good,” Rafael felt extremely awkward being pressed so close to you. He wanted to try and talk about the tension but figured it might be better to do that in the car rather than a crowded elevator or perhaps it would be better to not do it at all. “I’ll buy.” You turned your head to look at him over your shoulder, not realising how close the two of you were, the action bringing your cheek rather close to his lips.

“You don’t have to do that,” you whispered, a little red darkening your cheeks. You couldn’t turn your head back, eyes stuck on his, your gaze flickered down and noticed that his cheeks were tinged with red. His chin also showing signs of stubble, making you wonder if he hadn’t had time to shave that morning. A small part of your brain thinking about the way it would feel and you cut that train of thought right off.

“I know,” Rafael nodded. “But you’re driving.” Good, a distraction.

“And that equals to you buying lunch?” you raised an eyebrow a teasing lilt to your voice that Rafael had only heard when you talk to the others. It had never been directed at him before and frankly he didn’t quite know how to respond to it. You grinned when he didn’t answer before the doors opened. “Come on Counsellor, cars this way.” You walked towards your car, not looking back to see if he was following.

Rafael felt a smile slowly pull at his lips, he had noticed Viper’s cheeks had turned redder before they turned away. Maybe it wouldn’t be as difficult to work past the last few weeks of tensions and misunderstandings. Even if they could only become civil with no tension suffocating any room the two of them were in, would be progress. He continued to ignore the pleasant warmth that started in his stomach when they had been pressed close together, just as he had ignored every other odd feeling after seeing the detective and the splash of disappointment when they ignored him or left the building entirely when he had gone down to the station.

--

Rafael did end up paying for lunch refusing to take any cash from you or take your card, he chuckled when he got back in the car and you were pouting as you drove away.

“Do you want yours now?” he asked holding your sandwich in his hand.

“Ah, maybe wait till I’m out of the city, less likely to need both my hands on short notice,” you responded sending him a tight lip smile.

“Smart, wouldn’t want to crash,” he nodded. “Do you mind if I start?”

“Course not, go nuts,” you smiled voice lined with amusement. “Would you mind opening my drink though? Little thirsty.”

Rafael nodded twisting the lid of your lemonade off and handing it to you, replacing the lid after you handed it back. Rafael started eating, and he knew that he would have to go to that little deli more often, this sandwich was one of the best he had had in a while. He watched the traffic as you expertly got them out of the city and onto the road to the prison, your fingers tapping the steering wheel intermittently. He reached down into the bag pulling your sandwich out and undid the wrapper enough for you to be able to eat it without too much difficulty.

“Here, should be okay for you to eat now,” he suggested holding it out. “And you should eat something.” You looked over at him briefly, noticing a different look in his eyes from the other few times you had seen him. You sighed but nodded and took the sandwich.

“I’m guessing Cap and the case files gave you a little understanding of how much I do not want to be in the same room with Cooper,” you muttered taking a bite of food, hand on the wheel tightening its grip causing your knuckles to go white.

“A little, he did tell me to keep an eye on you and remove you from the room if it looks like it’s too much,” Rafael answered, deciding honesty was the way forward between the two of you.

“Hmm, that sounds like Cragen,” you nodded. “Though…rather honest of you to tell me that.

“Figured you would have some idea that Cragen told me to if I needed to remove you,” he shrugged. “So, why bother keeping quiet about it, makes no sense.”

“Fair enough,” you snorted taking another bite of your sandwich. You felt your stomach rebel against the food that was in your stomach and started trying to wrap it back up before two hands took it out of yours and wrapped it back up. “Thanks.”

You weren’t entirely sure what to make of this Rafael, the one that was nice, you figured this side of him was what Olivia mostly saw but you weren’t entirely sure why now of all times he decided to show you that side, unless it did make perfect sense cause he read the case files. You hoped that he wasn’t being nice to you just because of what he read, you didn’t think that was the kind of person he was but you weren’t sure. At least maybe this could be how the two of you become civil at least, you just weren’t sure how to respond to his kindness. Your skin tingled a little from where his fingers had brushed yours when he took your sandwich, and the close proximity in the car wasn’t helping whatever happened in the elevator to disappear. You had determinedly ignored how you reacted to his presence since the night you got drunk, you also refused to acknowledge whatever happened between you and Nick. Which definitely wasn’t helping with the whole Nick situation and his hovering either. You were never any good at that kind of thing and you hoped it would just pass and frizzle out.

“You ate more then I thought you would,” Rafael smiled handing your drink over to you without having to be asked. “Drink a little more might help.”

“Thanks,” you stook took small sips before handing it back. “Look…the thing with Cooper isn’t just because of what is in the case files but also what happened as a result of that case. That year undercover was…difficult and I’m worried that I will fall back on some habits I created during that time.”

Rafael blinked, a little surprised that you were being open about the issue, especially since it regarded the undercover job that everyone else had said you rarely talk about. But he remined himself that in your first meeting you had fallen back on one of those habits and he wondered if you wanted him to know a little bit more about that. Rafael bit his tongue holding back the snarky response he so desperately wanted to say but a voice in his head that sounded suspiciously like Olivia told him to hold it that progress was being made and until that progress had been finalised perhaps being snarky wasn’t the best idea.

“Olivia said you rarely talk about that time,” Rafael said instead. “I can’t even begin to imagine what that must have been like. What kind of habits?”

“Really, really bad ones,” you took a deep breath. “I was…an enforcer for a lack of better word. Meant to keep the women…girls in line and eventually some of the other enforcers as well. To get to that position took time and I had to show the boss that I was tough enough to handle men as well as the women, I couldn’t show that what was happening, what I was allowing to happen got to me. I had to become a cold hard bitch, who could intimidate anyone and who wasn’t afraid to dole out punishment. The FBI was aware of the lengths I would have to go and ensured me that I was covered. They were looking to take down a massive operation that was starting to look at going international big time, instead of just taking girls from other countries they were looking at having rings in other countries and taking girls from the US to those countries.”

Rafael was not expecting you to be that open with him, to hear your voice go dead as you talked about your role and why you had to create these bad habits you keep talking about. He felt dread swell in his stomach as you changed and he wondered if this was a glimpse of the person you had to become.

“Viper, you don’t have to talk about this if you don’t want to,” Rafael’s voice had turned incedingly soft. You hadn’t ever heard him refer to you as Viper before and that jolt managed to bring you back.

“It’s fine, my psych said it would be good to allude to some of things I had to do to others, the only people outside of the team of FBI agents that knows anything about it is my psych and Olivia,” you told him risking a quick glance at him. “Not even Cragen, sure they can all at least guess but I have never point blank told them.”

“Why me?”

“Honestly? Probably because you don’t know me, and you didn’t know me before so you are the least likely to look at me differently and even if you did…it wouldn’t hurt as much as the others,” you explained. “Finn and Nick have done undercover work but…I don’t think….honestly Cassidy would probably understand better than them but I don’t really get along with him and he doesn’t like to talk about it either. Olivia doesn’t look at me differently, but honestly I think Liv is, well, she’s…”

“Liv,” Rafael offered.

“Yeah,” you nodded.

“I think I get it, well, mostly,” Rafael turned to look at you fully. “Can I ask how the case with Cooper led to your undercover job?”

“Cooper was a supplier to these guys,” you explained. “The FBI had been watching him but it dropped off after a while as they considered other suppliers to be more….important in taking down the operation. We had no idea about any of that, we had a girl brought in by an off duty nurse she had signs of serve abuse and markings on her wrists that indicated she had been chained. We got her to talk and she eventually gave us Coopers name and the name of the woman who was to take her to the boss.

‘We got the both of them and apparently she was going to be a new enforcer and no-one from the group had met her before. Apparently the enforcer was meant to bring a number of new girls with her and it was going to be a test to see how well the girls behaved when they were brought in. The enforcer was killed in the take down and the FBI came storming in and demanded to know what we thought we were doing, because of course they did. When we worked out that none of the girls had seen the enforcer the FBI decided it was an opportunity and I volunteered to do it.”

“So, Cooper might have more information on the group?” Rafael asked.

“Maybe but he was significantly low down on the totem pole, he was the one they went do for girls when they were desperate,” you explained fingers tapping faster against the steering wheel. “The only reason I can see him wanting to tell us something he held back before is because he heard about the take down and is worried that if any of them ended up in the same prison as him they’ll retaliate. Since technically he is the one who sent me there.”

You could feel your chest starting to tighten as you struggled to breath, your vision started to narrow down and you knew immediately it was another panic attack. You swiftly pulled off the road and killed the engine, your hands clenching the steering wheel so tightly that your knuckles turned white.

“Viper?” Rafael’s voice was confused from the sudden action, he turned towards you, hands poised in the air, unsure if he was allowed to touch you, he recognised the signs of a panic attack, having aided Olivia through some before but he didn’t know if you would welcome his help all things considered.

“So-sorry,” you gasped out eyes tight as tears started to fall down your cheeks. “Give-give me a mo-moment.”

“It’s okay, take your time,” Rafael’s voice still had the same soft cadence that it had during your previous conversation. Seeing that you were still struggling to control your breathing he decided to through caution to the wind. You could yell at him later, which would be a significant improvement from this. He reached out slowly, his long fingers gently wrapping around your wrist closest to him, his other hand gently covering yours over the wheel. He eased your grip off and brought your hand towards himself, eyes never leaving your face.

 When Rafael first touched you, you thought he would tap out a rhythm like Liv had done to help you focus on something else, and to try and match your breathing to. But that wasn’t what he did. You felt your breathe stutter even more in your chest when he placed your hand over his chest, right above where his heart was beating. Covering your fingers with one of his hands, his other placed itself over the back of your hand and finally tapped his fingers in time with his heart beating under your hands. You slowly turned your head towards him, shocked by the softness of his eyes as they searched your face looking for signs of something.

Tap. Tap. Tap. Steady strong presses of his fingers forced your attention to his hands. Your eyes slowly moved away from his and focused where you could feel a steady beat. Rafael closely controlled his breathing, exaggerating as he pulled air into his lungs and held it for five seconds before releasing it. With your hand on his chest you could feel the raise and fall as he breathed, that combined with the tapping and the sound of Rafael’s breathing allowed your focus to zero in on him. And as your breathe slowly started to match his, as your vision slowly come back in focus and you felt the constriction on your lungs release you noticed a few other things. His scent, you had never been close enough to notice it before but the cologne he wore filled your nose as you breathed. It was a little bit spicy and under the cologne there was something distinctly him. All Rafael. And you couldn’t help but think how nice it was. How almost warm and welcoming the scent was as you came back. Your cheeks heated up even more, as your eyes lifted away from your hand and back up to his soft warm eyes, that were watching you in concern.

“Hey, there you are,” his voice soothed you. “How are you?”

“Better,” you nodded. “Um…thanks.” You tugged a little on the hand he still held oh so gently against his chest. He seemed to startle a little, his cheeks tinging pink a little as he let go. You except him to release your hand as if he had been burnt but instead he let it go and placed it back in your lap for you.

“Of course,” he smiled.

“I…I don’t normally, I mean,” you groaned rubbing your face to remove the left over tears. “I have only had on other attack like that and Liv helped me through it. She said I should keep an eye out for things that are similar when I have them.”

“If it would help, maybe we could discuss it,” Rafael suggested. “Try and see if anything was similar this time. What was happening when you had your first one?”

You opened your mouth before remembering exactly what had been happening when you had your first attack a few weeks ago. You bit your lip, looking over at him, and his earnest eyes. You felt like telling him could cause whatever had been happening on this drive to go backwards.

“Um, well, it was when I was at the squad room with the others, just before we got a call for the first victim of our current case,” you started fingers twisting around themselves. Rafael nodded about to say something before he stopped, thinking back to that day and realising that that was when Liv had come to him and talk about how he had reacted to your apology.

“Had Liv just told you about her conversation with me earlier that day?” he asked, gut clenching at the thought that he had caused you to have an attack. You couldn’t answer that, at least not with words, so you just nodded. “I’m sorry-”

“Don’t, you don’t have to apologise,” you interrupted. “Don’t think it was just that.”

“Oh?” Rafael didn’t know what else to say, his eyes searched your face the look in them caused you to look away quickly. Your hands scrubbed your face hard taking in a deep breathe. “Does it have something to do with Amaro?”

“What?!” your voice was a little shrill causing Rafael to snort before quickly covering it with a cough. “No, I, why would you? No!”

“Alright, alright,” Rafael laughed. “I just thought, he had been around you a lot in the last few weeks.”

“Hmm,” you couldn’t answer more than that, not wanting to think on it. You leaned back against the head rest closing your eyes and taking a deep breathe. “We should continue on.”

---

You  handed over your gun, hands trembling a little. Rafael, stood behind you watching you carefully, as you were both lead to the interview room. Rafael watched in fascination as you closed your eyes, taking long deep breathes, your fingers tapped against your thigh in what he thought was a random pattern. Taking one last breath you squared your shoulders, just as the guards led Cooper into the room.

“Well, well, Detective, you look good,” Cooper grinned looking you up and down which caused your stomach to squirm. Rafael felt his anger flare a little at the predatory look on Coopers face as he leered at you. He opened his mouth to get his attention away from you and to try and get this over with as quickly as possible.

“What’s this so called important information you have?” Rafael’s eyes shot back to you at the tone of your voice. Your face was blank, eyes cold with a simmering of anger in them.

“I want a deal,” Cooper demanded.

“That will depend on what you have to tell us and if it is useful,” Rafael stated, causing Cooper to focus on him. His eyes looked him up and down taking in the three piece suit, before they dragged away again dismissing him quickly, a cruel twist of his lips told Rafael exactly what this sick man thought of him. Cooper turned his back on them both walking around the table to the side facing the wall.  

“Aw, you must be the lawyer,” Cooper grinned taking a seat at the table, Rafael frowned. This man seemed to believe this to be a joke. “Well, before that. I want a transfer to a low security prison with protective detail.”

“You’re a violent sex trafficker low security is not going to happen,” Rafael scoffed, taking a seat opposite Cooper. “Protective detail can be arranged and we can consider a transfer to a different prison but it will not be low security.”

You had stayed standing but had moved closer to the table standing next to Rafael eyes zeroed in on Cooper watching his every move, muscles coiled and waiting in case he makes a wrong move. Rafael glanced up at you before focusing back on Cooper, he took out a writing pad and a pen.

“Come on lovely, you know I am not that violent,” Cooper cooed leaning forward on the table towards you.

“You cracked open a sixteen year old girls skull,” Viper stated. “I’d say that’s violent. And you’re stalling. I doubt you have anything of value to tell us.”

“I have information about the people in charge,” he pouted. “And you don’t think that’s value. Detective, shame on you.”

“Oh really?” you asked raising an eyebrow. “You were a trafficker that the ring went to when they were desperate. You were so low on the totem pole that the FBI deemed you unimportant.”

“Well, if you believe that that means the plan worked,” Cooper smirked leaning back in his chair, folding his arms.

“Plan?” Rafael asked, sharing a glance with you.

“Yeah, they knew the FBI were on to them and they wanted to make them believe I wasn’t important-”

“Bullshit,” you interrupted with a snort. “I was with that group for a year and all they did was insult and demean your name. You were a laughing stock.”

Cooper’s smirk fell and his eyes narrowed as he lent forward again staring you down. Rafael felt a tension in the air, he glanced behind him checking to ensure that there was still a guard somewhere close by.

“So you have nothing,” you snarled. “You are just a coward. Counsellor this was a waste of our time.”

Rafael stood up collecting his things as you moved around to his side stepping slightly in-front of him as he started to walk towards the cell door. He glanced back to see that you were walking backwards, keeping Cooper in your eyesight the entire time, as he had stood up from the table and had edged around the corner. Rafael motioned for the guard to open the door.

“We’re done,” he said.

“No we are not!” Cooper snarled taking a few steps forward. The guards quickly entered holding Cooper back and cuffing him again. “Listen you fuckers we are not done here! You will pay for this detective!”

“Not before you,” you smirked before walking away with Rafael. The shouted insults from Cooper grew quiet the further you got.

“Well, that was…” Rafael trailed off.

“Yep, sorry you had to make a wasted trip,” you muttered as you collected your gun.

“It happens,” Rafael shrugged, the two of you making your out of the prison to where the car was parked. “Do you think he really believed he had something?”

“I think he was hoping he could trick us into thinking it. He had no idea just how deep I gotten into that ring,” you sighed rubbing the back of your neck. “Part of me wishes he did have something but another part of me is glad he didn’t. That same part wishes that one of the members will be put in this prison with him. So he can feel even the smallest bit of fear. Fuck, I hate that I feel like that.” You leant against the side of the car, hands rubbing your face before running through your hair and pulling it lightly.

“You shouldn’t, he’s a horrible person but it shows the kind of person you are that you feel that way,” Rafael reached a hand out, hesitating only slightly before placing it on your arm and giving it a light squeeze. He felt the muscle under his hand and couldn’t help squeezing again without realising it. You lowered your hands, looking briefly at the hand that was still on your arm before following to the owner who was once again staring at you with those soft green eyes. The way he was looking at you made you feel warm, safe and…cared for.

“Thanks,” you smiled, cheeks once again heating. You were starting to get a little tired of that occurring around this man. Rafael smiled softly, squeezing your arm one last time before letting go, already you missed the warmth and the feel. You coughed a little pushing away from the car and standing up straight. “We should probably start heading back, let the Captain know there was nothing of value.”

Rafael nodded walking around the car, his hand that had been touching your arm flexed he could swear he felt a little tingle but shrugged it off. The smile was still on his face, although the reason for the trip up here was a waste of time he didn’t think the trip itself was a waste of time and he knew that Cragen would also see it that way. The tension between you two appeared to be gone and he just hoped it would stay that way.

“Well, maybe it wasn’t an entire waste of time,” he shrugged wanting to test the waters, and also to see if he could get that teasing lilt back.

“Hm, no I suppose not,” you agreed, a small cheeky grin on your face. “We didn’t kill each other on this trip, so the others will be disappointed. Except for maybe Liv, she definitely bet on us dealing with our shit.”

“Oh, she definitely did,” Rafael laughed. “Part of me wants to mess with them a little but I believe Liv may actually kill me if we did that.” You shot him a look as you pulled out onto the road, seeing the mischievous glint in his eye. You snorted, rolling your eyes and focusing back on the road as the traffic was a little busier than normal.

“I reckon we could take her,” you added after a few minutes of silence.

“We?” Rafael asked, eyes still watching your face, revelling in the banter. He was excited, banter was something he adored, a way in which he communicated often, and being able to do that with you after the weeks of issues the two of you had had him almost bouncing for joy. It was a similar feeling he got when the other detectives joined in on his banter but there was something else, something he couldn’t put his finger on when you turned to look at him, the cheeky grin now a smile. He felt his heart almost stop when you winked at him before looking away.

“Duh Barba,” you snarked. “Of course, you would be sacrificed for my survival but it would be a team effort.”

“Sacrificed?” Rafael barked.

“Hmm, I would proclaim my innocence. ‘No Liv, I had no idea he was going to pretend we still wanted to kill each other, I swear,’” your voice went up a notch.

“Very convincing,” Rafael drawled. “Liv wouldn’t buy it.”

“Yeah she would. Liv adores me and I am the picture of innocence,” you protested.

“Right, the picture of innocence who looks like they could kill someone with their finger,” Rafael teased.

“…Well, I never,” you pouted as a giggle bubbled in your chest.

“Amaro would probably save you anyway,” Rafael spoke without thinking. He bit his tongue hoping he hadn’t just pushed to far, he just remembered the way you reacted the last time Amaro was mentioned.

“Don’t need him saving me,” you scoffed, the teasing tone sounding more forced now.

“Can’t imagine you would,” Rafael agreed trying to salvage the moment. “You could run rings around him with your eyes closed.”

You didn’t respond to that but your smile was a little less forced then it was before and Rafael counted that as a win. He let the conversation drop, not one to force a topic to continue once it had reached it’s natural conclusion. The smirk on his face didn’t fall as the silence filled the car, it wasn’t awkward, wasn’t necessarily the type of comfortable he has with Liv but it was nice. It was a start.