#they were busy behind the scenes with all the other toys and cat furniture were was around lmao

[oediex]

Day 177 of posting a kitten until I can foster again

DID YOU KNOW that the Easter Kittens and the Adopted Kittens once took part in a fotoshoot?!

Here are Otis (who really stole the show) and Samba testing out a new fish toy.

[laughing-with-god]

Hello! Can I request a bts reaction to them hitting you playfully but their kid sees that and think that they hurt you seriously so they defend you? I think this is pure and innocent, I hope you do it 🖤

I love this reaction request say less sis.....

JIN- Jin and you prided yourself on keeping a peaceful and family oriented household. Never has your daughter witnessed you guys even so much as raise your voices at each other. The only time you daughter has ever seen Jin pressed was when he uses his ajussi voice and complains over dramatically, but that only made her laugh.( she has her dads windshield laugh btw and fondness of puns). One late afternoon, you put your daughter down for a nap and went to talk to Jin about what to do for dinner.

“Why don’t you just pick up some chicken? Me and (D/n) have been craving it lately you know...” you said mindlessly while cleaning up the toys in the living room as Jin walked up behind you.

“Yah! Is there a problem with my cooking? How dare you?! After slaving over the open flame for my family, you tell me you prefer cheap take out?” Jin jokingly scolded you using his grandpa tone before he playfully shoved you on the shoulder.

The two of you hear a loud gasp before turning around and seeing your still sleepy daughter standing in the doorway, jaw hung open. Before you guys could comprehend anything, a small fireball of a toddler flew across the room and onto Jin’s shoulders, swinging her miniature fists onto her dads back.

“Daddy, you never hit a girl! You told me that!”

Jin whined as he struggled to get his kid off of him. You laughed at the scene before you while trying to explain to your daughter the situation.

“S-sweetie, mommy and daddy were just joking around. Daddy didn’t actually hurt me.”

You pried your daughter off as she calmed down. Of course you could depend on Jin to milk this for all it’s worth.

“Yah! I practically raised you on my back! Is this how you treat your old man?! I’m your elder you know!” He complained, making your daughter and you laugh.

Namjoon- it was a rainy Sunday morning and you and your family found no reason to leave the bed.

You were on your phone on your respective side of the bed while your man Namjoon was reading a book on his side, your three year old son slept between you two.

“Nammie....” You whined playfully.

Said man looked up from his book to cringe at you. He knew you only used that sickly nickname when you wanted something. “Yes, baby?”

“You should get up and make us some coffee.” He groaned, he really didn’t wanna leave the bed.

“Let’s play for it.” He said, holding up his hand to initiate a game of rock paper sissors. You laughed and played him, only to win when he pulled paper to your sissors. He groaned while you only cackled at his luck. When would he learn that you always won?

He closed his book and reached over to spank your butt before moving to get up from the bed. This is when your three year old chose to wake up, to the sound of a slap and looking over to see his mama rubbing her backside while hissing.

Your three year old decided to defend your honor. He grabbed the book and threw it at his father’s back.

“(S/n) what was that for?!” You asked, surprised at you toddlers viscousness

“He hit mama.” You three year old shrugged before flopping over and going back to bed.

You laughed while Namjoon grumbled that his son inherited your personality and that he was the punching bag of his own family.

Later though he told his son that he was right for protecting his mom. But that wouldn’t be needed against his own father for he would never hurt you two.

YOONGI- both you and Yoongi had sarcastic and dry senses of humor. Sometimes it was borderline crude and it was taking a while for you guys to learn how to censor yourself around your child. But this was to be expected of new parents and your child was only 7 months old.

Recently though, it was Yoongi who was doing a good job of watching what he said around his child. It was probably bc he was way more protective of his son than you were.

Your son was in the living room, practicing his crawling while you were entering from the kitchen, snack in hand. However, you ended up stubbing your toe against a piece of furniture and that’s when you colorful vocab decided to make an appearance.

“Fucking shit! What kind of cunt places stupid furniture here where anyone can walk into it?!” You yelled in pain.

Yoongi was sat at the couch and when he heard your cursing and curious stares from the baby, he reached over to flick your thigh from his place from the couch.

“Babe remember what there’s tiny ears here. We dont want his first word to be the C-word.” He monotonly lectured.

But what you child say was his dad reach over to do something to his mom and the cries of pain from you. The mini Yoongi decided to army crawl his way over to the scene and mindlessly swing at his dad (of course he could barely reach or even hurt him.)

Yoongi day there puzzled, watching his own son swing so hard that the baby fell down from his own strength. “Is he really trying to fight me right now?” He asked while you just shrugged and ate your snack while cheering your ass kicking baby as Yoongi sat there, weirded out by his own fam.

HOSEOK- it was no secret that Hoseok was the aeygo king. He often tried to use this cuteness to get what he wanted but sometimes it was useless on you. Simply put, you got used to it and thus immune. Like today for example, he was attempting to convince you to let him take your 8 year old daughter out to dance practice so she can have fun and dance with her uncles whom she hasn’t seen in a while.

If it was any other situation, you would’ve gladly said yes. Knowing how much your child loved the BTS members. But tonight was a school night, she had homework and you knew how late those dance practices could be.

“C’mon jagi~! I promise I’ll take her home early enough to do her homework and be in bed for school tommorow. Jimin and Tae even said they have gifts for her. You won’t deprive them of seeing her, would you?” He cutely argued, playfully hitting you in an effort to be adorable.

You laughed and was about to make a compromise of letting her go on the condition that you pick her up early when you a tiny body came between you and your husband.

“Daddy, I know you want me to go but that’s no excuse to hit mommy.” You daughter crossed her arms and maturely scolded her own dad. You and Hoseok held in your laughs while the both of you decided to play along.

“But sweetie, maybe if your mom didn’t try to keep you from the gifts your uncles have waiting for you, then I wouldn’t feel the need to defend your honor.” He dramatically droned while placing an offended hand onto his chest as he faked tears in his eyes. Now, your kid turned against you and was ready to argue against you too now that potential toys were on the line.

“Okay! Okay! You can go but I want her home by 7:30!” You gave up while laughing at the noisy rambles of your husband and daughter whose tactics were all to similar. (Him winking at you as his daughter switches sides)

JIMIN- Work hard, play hard. This was the park family motto. Jimin and you were practically kids yourself so instead of dishing out rules and being strict when your twin boy and girl made a mess, you guys were more likely too join in on the fun. Neither of you were the type to put an end to your kids playtime.

But what started out as a playful battle had now turned into an all out war. The kitchen was a mess and clean appliances were lost as well as family ties and loyalty.

“I loved you!” You dramatically cried, peeking over a dirty toaster. Jimin grinned evilly as his daughter provided him with more amo. She was always a daddy’s girl...

“I’m sorry Jagi. But you know I have to do this....”. Jimin told you, expression tender-hearted before he threw a handful of sloppy kimichi at your head, successfully sticking it to your hair.

A war cry was heard behind you and your son came rushing to the battlefield, you biggest ally had arrived.

“Mom! Don’t worry I got you!” He screamed while shooting his dad with a major game changer in this food fight; a water gun.

You grinned while closing in on your little girl while her dad was busy getting attacked by your son. You smiled as you watched your little soilder defend you before you snatched the little girl up, tickling her to the point of tears.

(GIF after he was sprayed with water, just watching his crackhead family)

TAEHYUNG- Tae has always been a protective man. Being his wife you knew how seriously he took the safety of his loved ones. A goofy and dorky Tae can switch into a scary and intimating man if someone ever tried to hurt you or made you uncomfortable. You witnesssed this after being cat-called once after your third date. Scary, indeed...

Although when you finally gave birth to a son (first of five kids, Tae swore) you never thought those two paths of scary Tae and fluffy Tae would cross given he was now a family man. At least, never would he switch in front of you child.

So imagine your surprise when you walked in on you husband lecturing you 5 year old boy about what it means to be the proctor of the family.

“He’s five, you psycho!!!” You had yelled at him.

“He needs to know when to protect his own mother and potentially his younger siblings” Tae had deadpanned.

You two dropped the argument but it later came up when you as a family were at the ice cream shop. You had asked your son to go get some napkins, knowing how messy eaters your boys were when Tae threw up his hood and came up from behind you, masking his face.

“What the fuck are you doing you literal crackhead?” You asked but Tae only shushed you and gave you a light but still powerful shove. Not enough to hurt you, but enough to set you back a little bit.

“Yah!” Your son came up and kicked the hooded man on the shin.

“Congratulations son! You passed your test.” Tae pulled the hood down and turned to face your son.

You enrolled your family into group therapy after this.

(GIF of him preparing to ‘attack’ you)

JUNGKOOK- your husband was a muscle pig. But when you had given birth to a beautiful baby girl, you had hopes that it would soften up his seemingly steroid headass. Boy, were you wrong.

You daughter grew up to take the traits of Jungkook. She had more interests in boxing than she did in dresses or dolls. She would even go to the gym with Jungkook and try to ‘bulk up’ which was outrageous to you.

So instead of having tea parties like you had kinda hoped, your daughter and Jungkook had wrestling matches. Right now, they were currently in one.

Jungkook playfully pinned his girl down and told her to try to get out of his hold. You rolled your eyes, this was their new thing. He would put her in weird holds and tell her to find a way out of it. It was ‘self defense practice’ as Kook called it. She loosened his grip and was able to turn over, but not enough to completely get out of his hold. Thus, they started rolling around in your living room. You heard her squeal and your motherly instincts came up when you thought it could’ve been from pain. You came closer to the rolling duo, trying to break them apart when a beefy forearm slapped you across the face.

“Yah! You hit mommy!” You daughter yelled before forming a fist and hitting her dad on the shoulder before jumping up and coming to you to check your ‘injury’.

Jungkook sat there, dazed and confused. Before apologizing to you and telling your daughter that she packed a good punch.

(GIF of him looking messed up after the fight)

Send reaction requests!!

[mikqueen12]

Week 13 Draft (Read Me!)

Sheridan Clark is a friend of mine I’ve taken a few classes with. When you look at her, you might get the overwhelming feeling that you just have to be their friend. Her quiet and bubbly personality meshes well with her perfectionist tendencies. Considering I am also quite shy, it took me forever to get up the nerve to talk to her! We went through almost an entire semester before I was giving more than a friendly nod. I learned that we were both taking our same professor the next semester, and this moment is when we both blossomed and really started chatting! 

On the day of the interview, I picked her up at campus. I had already heard that she doesn’t like driving places she doesn’t usually go, and I can relate entirely. I had to grab gas at the nearby gas station, and it was right at 5:00. After struggling with my gas cap and pumping gas, we prepared for take-off. I went to turn left on a busy road and instead turned right, defeated.

“Oh, well I should have known that wouldn’t work during rush hour. I’ll just make a u-turn up here. That is if I can…” I drawled off. Sheridan pointed out the sign and said “There it is! Canada has some weird laws dealing with u-turns.” “Oh, really? I thought you said you were like 3 when you moved down here, how do you remember?” 

“That’s a good question,” she says as she laughs with me. “I guess sometimes you just remember random details for life.” 

I must have made a grimace, because Sheridan and I broke out into a little laughter. “How long have you lived in the U.S.?” 

“Uh, for about as long as I can remember. I think for about 17 years?” She ended her sentence, as if questioning if she was fact checking herself. When I asked her about her memories of Canada, most of them involved her family. 

Sheridan was not a U.S. citizen, and had never had been. One time in class we all showed younger pictures of us (old drivers license photos and such) and we all saw child Sheridan on her green card. She’s a passionate Canadian, usually representing her country with a little button on her hat. The rest of our conversation was rambles about classes and any little thing we felt like talking about. 

The apartment isn’t the cleanest one you will ever see, but it is far from dirty either.  The bar separating the kitchen and the living room tries to fool you that people use the common space. The wax warmer was turned on, illuminating the side of the wall with good lights and a slight cherry smell. The key rack is varying shades of blue, it looks as if it was painted with care at home and was hung up with an off colored green string. It was at an angle and the wall behind it had a few scuff marks, showing continuous use. However, the unopened mail and the red money gun that gets used only when guests are over begs to differ. It seems things are tidy simply because the common space isn’t usually used. Two wood panels hang above the TV in completely different styles. The first looks rustic with blues and beiges. It states “The more people I meet, the more I like my cat.” The second one would be an important item in a mystery video game, if the game was about this apartment; it is brightly colored with orange, turquoise, pinks, and purples and says “Stay Salty.” 

We sat on opposite couches, which faced each other perfectly for this type of activity. The lamp behind us helped fill the room, both with light and space. The furniture in this apartment doesn’t match, but it doesn’t look completely out of place either. The dark brown coffee table housed a few figurines: a snowman left behind from Christmas storage, handed-down coasters holding our halloween cups, and a very round green frog wearing sunglasses playing a saxophone. The TV stand was located in front of us, and held some of my artwork from classes we shared. A pumpkin was painted with a panoramic view of the night sky, with a cat walking on its fence. A metal bust of a cat with his tongue sticking out hides beneath my favorite 3D art. Made of only foamcore, masking tape, and a little glue after it was turned in, these triangles scream activated space. Activated Space was a meme from our 3-D design class, threatened to become a T-shirt design several times.

Sheridan would have a lot to say about this scene. When asked “What do all of your buttons on your bag and hat say about you?” She responded with the idea that it’s a way to learn alot about someone right from the beginning. If you look at her beanie, you’ll see LGBT+ pins, Twenty One Pilot pins, Canada pins, and many more. This shouldn’t be the only way you learn about someone, but you can find out if you will get along if you see some of these little signs. I can relate to this, as I watched back the interview footage I noticed I was wearing a flannel I have dubbed the “Bi Shirt” due to its color scheme. Nods to things like these can go unnoticed, but can become a conversation starter if one wishes.

Expressing yourself is one of her favorite qualities. This can be done through everyday life, but it can also be expressed through art. I once in the interview asked her, as a fellow artist, how she is able to express her emotions so well in her art. As children become teenagers, they obtain more vocabulary to express how they feel. One study done by Nancy Johnson took school age kids and asked them how to answer the question “What is art?” or “What do you think art is?” (61). The younger the child, the more their response would have been like this: something fun to do, making something, using clay, etc. As the grade levels rose, so did their responses. Once you ask the third graders, they began to use emotions along with actions. One student said “it’s just something you have fun with!” and others art as beautiful or playful (Johnson 63). High schoolers who were asked these questions responded with things that please you, an opinion, something that is relative, and other answers (Johnson 64). As we get older, we can describe our feelings better, and Sheridan is very in tune with her feelings.

Back in Professor Peterson’s class, our classmates were shy. However, by the end of the semester, we were all cracking up. The class was Concepts, Creativity, and Studio Practices. This class had little rules; the first project was simply to “make a time machine” and no further explanation was given. The last project was a research art project. It followed the usual frame of do whatever you want, no restrictions. This allowed everyone to create what they wanted, and the class had varying projects. Mine was a poster I created to advocate for the cats on the Marietta campus, and call for them to be TNR’d (trap, neuter, return). 

Even sunshine will eventually meet rain. Sheridan briefly mentions that she meets with her therapist to manage her anxiety and depression. One of the things that I can resonate with her the most on is these topics. Just by looking at her, I can tell she was called “mature for her age” as a child. When I was smaller, I took it as a compliment, thinking I was one step closer to being an adult. However, as I got older, I started realizing it was a soft way of saying “you’ve been through some stuff, and it’s made you into a peacemaker.” Despite the origins, Sheridan appears to be one of the most peaceful people I have ever met.   

However, Sheridan’s project was a real show stopper. She chose to research some of the most common mental illnesses and recreate them in her own way. The below piece she named “Anxiety.” The eyes everywhere to her represented the feeling of anxiety, and other ways of expressing that feeling. She also created 3 more types, with her interpretations of depression, schizophrenia, and bipolar disorder. Her determination for a perfect project-- or 4 for that matter, is prevalent here. This piece represents the feeling of being anxious in its entirety; sometimes when we feel anxious, we might wonder if we have general anxiety too. That’s what the research done by Takeshi Hamamura and Christian Chan focused on. The mere concept of being anxious correlated with increased googling “symptoms of anxiety” and reports of self diagnosed anxiety rise as well (Hamamura and Chan 2). The good thing about Google is how soon we can pull up information, and in this case someone might be able to schedule an appointment if they need to. (Hamamura and Chan 1). If not, researching the symptoms can give you some piece of mind!

Something I envy about my interviewee is her determination to have a perfect, well, anything. This expresses itself most often in the form of art projects. For example, in our 3D Design class we had a project called “Paper and Metal.” The goal was to make a casting of pewter and have it suspended in air only by paper and glue. The class met 6 hours a week, and she never had a moment of downtime; she was always creating the paper trees, grass, or leaves for her project. Whereas I only spent about 7 hours on my project (pictured below so you can get the idea) outside of class, I’m fairly certain she spent twice that on hers. Hard work pays off, and I hope she got a well deserved break after the completion of this pristine project. 

Sheridan doesn’t stop at expressing herself through art, or style. She also has a new hobby: Furbys! In the interview, she described them as the toy she always wanted until right before Christmas, when she forgot it existed. Now that she’s out on her own, she has more freedom and goes to  buy them, clean their fur, and revamp them! The tech that hides within these furbies is quite impressive. The article “There’s a lot of smart electronics inside a furby” describes this perfectly. For example, furbies are programmed to begin speaking “Furbish” and progressively learn English. (Edgar 28) To a child (or even me until I read this article), it would look like the Furby is learning directly from you! The realism packed into the fury creature is shocking, as many of its responses don’t seem to have a rhyme or reason. If you hold a furby upside down at first it will giggle, but if you keep holding it upside down it may say “I’m scared.” (Edgar 29)

Out of all the furbies I’ve seen, Cabbage is the one I’ve seen the most. But she has a variety, ranging from Big Mama, Shifty, and Maw. Since most of the ones she owns are ~15-20 years old, few of them work. She enjoys taking them apart, “deskinning” them and attempting to fix them. A project she’s had in the making is to make a rainbow pride furby by dying their fur. This furby is beginning to come together as of me writing this, and has been named June. Although Cabbage doesn’t work yet, I still have hope for him! 

Being LGBT+ is an important part of both of our lives, and we both identify as Bisexual. A paper that Sheridan is writing this semester focuses on more education for LGBT+ students as well as just acceptance in schools. When I went to look up this topic, I found this research that came from Canada and thought it was fitting. Catherine Nash and Kath Browne talked about the importance of these topics being taught in school. With LGBT+ issues being more accepted and acknowledged, we have to remember that our society is centered around a hetronormalitive lifestyle. It has to be remembered that “The drive for LGBT integration often works in concert with broader efforts to teach multiculturalism, diversity and inclusiveness.” (Nash and Browne) School is the place where you can learn things you wouldn’t have at home, and these schools need to be a safe environment where a student won’t feel judged. Not only in Canada do LGBT+ students in school feel they are not accepted or wanted. If the environment you learn in isn’t a good one, there is a likelihood this student may not want to do work. 

In the end, I feel I got to know Sheridan on a more personal level than I did from small talk from class. It’s important to listen and understand in friendships and relationships, and if you do it might help you grow. It reminded me that expressing yourself is important, and perhaps you should consider more ways than one. Picking up a hobby that others might think is quirky might just be the thing you need to ease your mind at the end of the day. If asked “Who is Sheridan?” I feel that I can confidently answer this question. Sheridan is the single beam of sunshine that sneaks through your window to wake you up gently. She is wise beyond her years, and typically acts as a “Mom Friend” in her friend group. She won’t let herself get walked all over, and she will find a better way to live! Sheridan is the definition of expressing. Whether it is through art, furbies, buttons, music, or plants, you can find a bit of Sheridan everywhere. 

[iwrotemywayto-revolution]

Our kids are pretty great

Request: could do an imagine where Herc and the reader have a lot of kids and eliza and the reader go on a girls day so it's up to herc and alex to watch all kids.

Pairing: Hercules Mulligan x reader, side Eliza x Alexander

Warnings: children being mischevious

Word count: 1,353

A/N: Meet an endless variety of children! You and Herc have three kids- Sabrina, Zoe, and Cecily and Alex and Eliza only have Phillip and Angelica so far. Also I didn’t know how to end this so sorry it’s late (not proofread so if anyone sees any mistakes let me know)

askbox || masterlist

--

“You’ll be alright?” you asked, dithering in the doorway. Eliza waited patiently behind you, watching you fondly.

“I’ll be fine,” Hercules promised, cupping your cheek. “Alex and I can handle this, I promise.” 

Behind him, you saw Alex had managed to get Cecily and Zoe onto his lap for a story. Phillip, little Angelica, and Sabrina were engaged in a dramatic battle, their foam swords clashing as they chased each other. 

“You have my phone number and Eliza’s,” you checked, pulling your phone out, “and the doctor’s number is on the fridge-”

Herc laughed and kissed you. You melted into it for a moment. “Trust me, darling,” he murmured before you could start talking again. “Now go,” he gave you a little push out the door, “and have fun.”

You sighed and linked arms with Eliza. Eliza giggled and tugged you down the street towards her car. “Don’t worry,” she said, “lets have fun.”

--

Herc locked the door and turned back to the sitting room. You had told him you would be back in time for dinner, so he only had to make sure nothing went wrong until then.

“How’s it going, Alex?” he asked, plucking a spare foam sword from the play basket. 

Alex looked up from where he was reading a Thomas the tank engine book to Cecily and Zoe for the third time. Cecily reached up to tug on his hair when he stopped reading, making sad and complaining noises. “It’s all fine- did you get Y/N to stop fussing?”

He laughed, “Eventually.” 

Sabrina tugged at his jeans, looking up at her with her big brown eyes. The tip of her sword dragged along the floor and her plastic tiara was slipping down on her head. “Daaaaad,” she said, “will you be the wizard?”

“Course,” he grinned. They had a wand and a pointy had in the play basket from Halloween. “I’ll turn Phillip into a unicorn for you, shall I?”

Phillip stopped running after Angelica and paused to glare at Herc. “I don’t wanna be a unicorn! I want to be a dragon!”

He pretended to consider it. Cecily was squirming on Alex’s lap, babbling about being a princess. Alex set her down and she toddled over to Angelica, tugging her soft blue blanket up as a cloak and tripping over it a little with every step.

Herc reached into the play box and pulled out one of the wands and waved it and then tapped Phillip gently on the head with it. “Abracadabra Simsalabim! Make Phillip into a dragon”

Phillip roared and flapped his arms. “I can breathe fire!” 

Sabrina put her hands on her hips. Her fairy wings slipped down a little and she stamped her foot. “No you can’t,” she argued. 

Hercules laughed and headed over to Alex, slumping down beside him on the sofa. Phillip chased Sabrina past and nearly knocked over Angelica, who was trying to do a puzzle. Alex turned the tv on and clicked through the channels until he found some sort of quiz show.

“Our kids are pretty great,” Alex marvelled, grinning.

--

Things got suspiciously quiet after the kids disappeared upstairs. Herc had started cutting up fruit and making sandwiches for lunch and Alex had gone down into the cellar to find some Capri Sun.

He had been able to hear Phillip and Cecily quite clearly until a moment ago, when everything abruptly went silent. Alex came back upstairs, six capri suns in his arms. 

“It’s suspiciously quiet up there, isn’t?” Herc pointed out. He set aside the peanut butter sandwich he had made for Angelica and looked up at the ceiling, frowning.

“Shall I go up?” Alex asked.

“Nah, it’s alright,” Herc shrugged, brushing his hands. “I’ll go.”

Alex followed him up anyway as he crept up the stairs. At the top of the stairs there was a new addition to the furniture: a small wall built out of picture books and pillows. Herc chuckled and stepped over it.

He could hear whispering from the room Cecily and Zoe shared and headed towards it. Alex knocked over a book coming up the stairs and froze, one foot in the air. 

“What was that?” they heard Angelica whisper, followed by a few sets of footsteps coming their way. 

Sabrina poked her head out of the doorway and Hercules had to choke back a laugh. Her black hair was hidden under one of his old baseball caps and there was orange paint on her face. 

Phillip peered out behind her and Alex let a chuckle slip when he saw Phillip was wearing one of Cecily’s t-shirts like a crop top and had cat whiskers painted on his cheeks. 

“You’re not supposed to be up here,” Sabrina said. “You’re grown-ups.”

Alex put his hand over his heart. “I’m so sorry,” he apologised, “it sounded like we were missing out on the fun.”

Sabrina nodded. “Yes, you are. We’re playing Magic Land. I’m the King and I’m a tiger.” She growled and batted at Phillip, who just giggled and darted out of her way.

“And I’m the princess,” Phillip twirled and did a wobbly curtsy. “But I’m also a cat.” 

From inside the room, Herc heard Cecily imitate a wolf. A moment later, Angelica appeared in the doorway. She wore a cloak and one of your t-shirts as a dress. “I’m the Queen,” she said, holding herself tall. Zoe was tucked under her cloak holding an umbrella as a sceptre. “And I say we kidnap them!”

--

You unlocked the door and stepped inside, wiping your shoes on the matt quickly and stepping aside to let Eliza inside. You put your bags down. “We’re back!” you called, and heard a chorus of shouts upstairs.

Eliza slipped off her shoes. “Shall we go and find them?”

You nodded and the two of you headed upstairs. The stairs were littered with books, clothes, and stuffed toys. You stepped over some of them and picked up a few, with Eliza doing the same beside you.

At the top, Zoe appeared. She was holding an umbrella and she threw herself into your arm, squealing “Mom!” as she did so. You laughed and hugged her to you, noticing the streaks of green paint in her hair. 

“Did you have fun?” Eliza asked, and Zoe nodded enthusiastically. You headed towards her room and paused in the doorway. You took in the scene and had to try hard not to giggle.

You and Eliza’s husbands were sitting in the middle of the room. Phillip was busy doing Alex’s hair while Cecily was working on his makeup. Sabrina was doing Hercules’, and Angelica was giving them both jewellery.

“You look lovely, darling,” you teased from the doorway. Herc looked up, face lighting up when he saw you. 

“I feel like a princess,” he grinned, his lips messily smeared with bright pink lipstick. 

You headed over, dropping Zoe onto her bed and sitting down beside Herc. You leaned in and kissed him softly, ignoring the disgusted sounds the five kids started to make. You knew you probably had lipstick all over your face but you didn’t care. 

Eliza lifted Cecily off Alex’s lap and helped him up. He had a flattering gold eyeshadow and matching lipstick on, and Phillip had put his hair into two messy pigtails. 

“C’mon,” you said, clapping your hands, “lets clean up and go get ice cream.”

All of them stopped complaining about your intervention and got up. Only Sabrina hesitated. “Only if we can do you later,” she insisted.

“Of course,” Eliza said. Cecily was perched on her hip, half asleep on her shoulder. Alex held onto her, watching her with adoration in his gold-painted eyes. 

Sabrina smiled, satisfied, and ran downstairs. Herc took your hand and you both got up to head downstairs. “Did you have a nice day?” he asked you as you left.

“Lovely,” you told him, glancing at Eliza, who had gold lipstick marks on her flushed cheeks and held one of your daughters, asleep, in her arms. Your little family, in all it’s messy glory. “But it’s good to be back.”

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[placetobenation]

Welcome to Seinfeld: The PTBN Series Rewatch! On a regular basis, JT Rozzero, Aaron George, Andrew Flanagan, Jordan Duncan and Jason Greenhouse will watch an episode of TV’s greatest sitcom and provide notes and grades across a number of categories. The goal is to rewatch the entire series chronologically to see what truly worked, what still holds up today, what feels just a bit dated and yada, yada, yada it will be a great time. So settle into your couch with the cushions flipped over, grab a Snapple and enjoy the ride!

Best Character

JT: Kramer was amazing throughout this whole thing. The start of the story was a bit contrived but once he got that old TV set into his apartment, the magic flowed through him. It was an inspired performance as he lived inside his own little old school TV world, creating an entire production out of nothing that eventually became too much to handle. Dance like nobody is watching, they say? How about cos-play Merv Griffin when nobody is watching, budro.

Aaron: As the sole member of the adult cast that doesn’t participate in the toy fiasco, Kramer walks away with this one. I feel I’ve been railing against the character turns in the last few episodes, but as absurd as it is the whole Merv Griffin business seems to work for the K-Man. For years he’s been a psychopath. He assumed he was Batman after driving one bus, he selfishly burned a cabin to the ground; there’s no doubt that he would fish a dirty set out of the trash and begin to question his friends as though they were guests.

Andrew: I’ll give it to Elaine this time. To me it felt like she was having the most fun in this episode, particularly when it comes to the gestures and looks that elevate otherwise mediocre storylines. For example, her laugh at Kramer’s talk show flirting really clinches the whole scene. Kramer was excellent as well, but Elaine’s work really stood out to me.

Jordan: Kramer. I love everything about the Merv Griffin show. His fascination with the set, his sleeping “backstage”, finding Merv Griffin’s cigar in a dumpster. Maybe the best part is when he decides to take a short break while everyone is over, and he just stops to eat some chips and drink a Coke, then says, “We’re back!” This is one of my all time favorite Kramer storylines.

Best Storyline

JT: This was a nice bounce back across the board but the Merv Griffin stuff takes it for me. Kramer was awesome as he went through all the stages of hosting a talk show, from excited, to serious, to depressed to… edgy? All of his small tics and quips while navigating through the every day updates of his friends carried the episode. It was a fresh, unique idea that still fit within Kramer’s personality.

Aaron: The evolution of Kramer’s show from basic interview program to “Scandals and Animals” was nearly perfect. George staggering unto the set to that triumphant music is an all time moment.

Andrew: The Merv Griffin stuff was easily the best part of this one. It’s a really good showcase for Kramer, and it’s definitely the best plotted story, with the most satisfying payoff of the episode. I thought that framing a lot of the expository dialogue as talk show banter was a nice touch, and the show’s devolution into a Jerry Springer style confrontation series was pretty inspired.

Jordan: It’s the Merv Griffin stuff and it’s not even close, for a couple reasons. First – The Merv Griffin storyline is really, really funny. But also, the other ones are… not so great. Jerry drugging a woman so he can play with toys is stupid and doesn’t age well thanks to Bill Cosby. George and the pigeons doesn’t really do anything for me either. Elaine and the sidler is fun enough, but it doesn’t hold a candle to Kramer digging old furniture out of a dumpster and turning his apartment into a talk show set, complete with guests and music.

Ethical Dilemma of the Week

JT: Should you drug a woman to play with her toy collection? That would be a no, Jerome.

Aaron: GI Joe or Army Pete? Obviously Joe would bust down Pete’s door and have his way with him while his family watched on in terror. Seeing their father taken to brown town across the same table that Mama Pete had her stroke on would surely be enough to push those little Petes over the edge. The rest of their childhood would be a haze, leading to a snake-filled life of crime and terror. Sometimes you have to sleep in the bed you made Joe.

Andrew: At what point should George have cut his losses and let Miranda go on thinking he was an animal hating sociopath? Once the vet bills hit triple digits, I would think.

Jordan: Is George really a monster for hitting those pigeons at the beginning? I will swerve for an animal on the ground – dogs, cats, rabbits, squirrels. But I think I’m with George here – if it’s a bird, I assume it can fly away. Those birds were suicidal, and George was simply helping them end their life.

Relationship Scale (Scale 1-10)

JT: I am glad they didn’t have Elaine just start hooking up or falling for Lou. It was nice to see her in a non sexual relationship storyline for a change. Relationship Grade: Tic/Tac

Aaron: Both relationships we’re shown involve a reasonable person dealing with a god damn monster. Remember when Jerry was just upset over peas not being eaten properly? Relationship Grade: It’s enough.

Andrew: Once again, any storyline featuring a metaphorical sexual assault does not age well. Everything in the Jerry and Celia relationship felt gross, and there is no way Miranda was worth all the hassle. Relationship Grade: Still getting nothing/10

Jordan: Jerry is seriously gross here. No, he’s not sexually assaulting her, but it’s still assault. This one is much worse with age as well. And he brings George in on it too! And Elaine! What a scumbag! It is NOT a victimless crime. GI JOE WOULD NEVER DO THIS/10

What Worked:

JT: I enjoyed the inane Cain and Abel conversation to open the show; “Merv Griffin’s cigar” cracked me up too; Jerry cutting Celia’s sad story off to celebrate her toys is perfect Jerry; Kramer immediately acting like a TV show host is tremendous; Kramer hitting zingers and playing the entrance music cracks me up every time; And then him sitting and having a snack during “commercial” and saying “ok we’re back” is an all timer; Peterman trashing Lou’s work was funny; George was vintage Costanza at the vet office: cheap and whipped; As dark as the whole thing is, the scene with George and Jerry force feeding Celia wine and turkey was well executed; Newman’s wax bean tale; George getting changed by his parents on the home movie

Aaron: Pretty much everything with the Merv Griffin show was gold. What made the whole thing work, though, was how everyone is visibly uncomfortable with it. Elaine demanding “what ‘s wrong” with Kramer is the only sane question anyone should be asking. Michael Richards nails everything. The one-liners, the snide looks to the “audience.” It’s a near perfect Kramer performance, right down to lauding the sound of gravel. If ONLY he had tripped and destroyed the set! George denouncing the “deal” with the pigeons is also wonderful. We know the man is a murderer and this one takes it a step further. Cheap, angry and full of feathers. I never knew this was the George I needed. Peterman’s fear of Elaine possibly being undead hit nicely, as did Frank fostering George’s trauma in the four hour home video. I don’t know what Haitian Voodoo Rattle Torture is, but I want to learn how to do it to my wife. Finally Jim Fowler and his Hawk ended up being a tremendous straight man to George and his invalid squirrel.

Andrew: The Merv Griffin stuff is kind of the platonic ideal of late Seinfeld storylines: an admirably wacky idea, with solid escalation (I especially liked Newman as sidekick, and the “shut down and retool”) and a fun ending. I thought Elaine and Kramer gave excellent performances in this one, Peterman is solid as well, and the cast playing with children’s toys is funny. And putting the allusions to date-rape drugs aside, Celia repeatedly gorging herself on wine and turkey and passing out on the couch is a pretty good gag, and Jerry’s complete lack of shame is a funny way to play it.

Jordan: “El Paso, I spent a month there one night!” – what a great line. Seriously, the Merv Griffin stuff is an all timer for Kramer. It makes no real sense, yet it makes total sense as it plays out with the theme music, Newman as a sidekick, it’s just all perfect. Jerry and Kramer not knowing the story behind Cain and Abel is pretty fun, especially Kramer thinking it was Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. I don’t really care for the storyline with George and the pigeons, but George actually makes it work fairly well. The squirrel turn works out pretty well, with George having to care for a wild invalid that knows he tried to kill it. The lengths he will go to for an OK looking woman is commendable. Dead Tooth is a nice little side venture for Elaine, and it gives us some Peterman! She can sidle up to me any time she’d like. “Well Stinky, this is your lucky day!” was a good line from Elaine. Jim Fowler wondering where the cameras were is a nice line.

What Didn’t Work

JT: Lou Filerman… eh; Fuck Jerry for mocking Hakuna Matata and Cup O’ Soup; I love the concept and it goes glorious places but how does Kramer fit the entire TV set in his living room?; Miranda is annoying AF, George should have just bailed; Celia had to catch on to this scheme at some point, right? How much turkey and wine can she ingest before it clicks?; Also, I appreciate them trying to tie everything together, but Elaine bringing Lou to Celia’s was overkill at the end and made Celia look even dumber

Aaron: I hated the playing with toys storyline, and not for the metaphorical rape. I get that they’ve presented Jerry like a man-child for nine years but this is fucking ridiculous. He REALLY needs to step away from a woman who’s giving him “crazy” sex to go “Pew Pew” with Army men? They aren’t even interesting toys! One is a wind up monkey.  And how stupid is Celia? She knows she was drugged for her toys with turkey and wine then the very next night she’s being force fed again to get some Mickey Mouse gum. Just break into her house at night and steal from her you morons! How many canker sores does Fillerman have and why do I have to hear about them. Peterman would have called this incoherent drivel!

Andrew: I can talk myself into George going through all the trouble to save the squirrel (he has a documented need to be liked), but they don’t ever bother showing any motivation for the character, so the effort seems unjustified and the whole storyline ends up feeling kind of pointless. Elaine’s “sidler” isn’t especially inspired or memorable, but it does give her and Peterman a chance to land some good lines. I’m not sure the “playing with a woman’s toys” and “forcing a woman into sex” parallels were ever a good idea, but they sure did age badly.

Jordan: It’s the toy storyline. I honestly couldn’t watch it and think of Bill Cosby, so it hasn’t aged well at all. Still, I tried to imagine it from a 1997 perspective… and it’s still stupid. Know why? Those toys are stupid! Someone tell Jerry and George that, by this point, Playstation is out and they can play better football video games. Jerry showing zero remorse fits the character I guess, but it still sucks. At least it had a nice finish with Kramer bringing her in as a surprise guest.

Key Character Debuts

– Miranda

Iconic Moments, Running Themes & Memorable Quotes

– “Look at this. Boy, one minute Elliot Gould is sitting on you and the next thing – you’re yesterday’s trash.” – Kramer

– “Oh, the sex is wild but she’s got this incredible toy collection and she won’t let me near it!” – Jerry

– “Wha-You never see him. He sidled me again in my office. I was sitting there making Cup-A-Soup singing that song from “The Lion King”. – Elaine “Hakuna Matata?” – Jerry “I thought I was alone.” – Elaine “That doesn’t make it right.” – Jerry

– “You, sidle? Y-You … you stomp around like a Clydesdale!” – Jerry

–  “I don’t get these birds! They’re breaking the deal. It-it’s like the pigeons decided to ignore me!” – George “So they’re like everyone else.” – Jerry

– “So when I saw George on the street with an 18 pound turkey and a giant box of wine, I thought: … What a coincidence. We’re just about to eat.” – Jerry

– “Lately, though, I’ve been, uh, – I’ve been buying the generic brand of waxed beans. You know, I rip of the label… I can hardly tell the difference.” – Newman

– “Oh, we’re discharging the squirrel. We think he’ll be better off at home.” – Doctor “He has no home. He’s a squirrel.” – George “Hmm-hm. Your home, Mister Costanza. Just make sure he gets his medicine six times a day and keep his tail elevated.” – Doctor

Oddities & Fun Facts

– Wild Kingdom’s Jim Fowler plays himself on the set

Overall Grade (Scale 1-10)

JT: Last episode we talked about how the characters were doing stuff outside of the scope of their normal behavior. That was all corrected here as even though these stories were a bit outlandish, all of the actions were solidly within their personalities. Jerry is definitely the type of man-child that would go to great lengths to play with toys. George is the type of pussy whipped loser that would become caretaker to a squirrel just to be with an attractive woman. Elaine dealing with workplace nonsense is right in her wheelhouse and Kramer, well, this storyline was perfect Cosmo. I am prepared to be told I am overrating this one, but the Merv Griffin stuff is some of all time favorite Seinfeld foolishness: in that sweet spot of nonsensical but sensical within the universe. Kramer was pitch perfect throughout it all and this may be one of his finest episodes as a character. Final Grade: 8/10

Aaron: So, way better than the last few weeks. This may be a ten with a better Jerry segment, but as it’s sheer stupidity I can’t go near the full monty. The toys storyline is like the AIDS that GI Joe gave army Pete. It poisoned everything until his children were forced to build something called a Trouble Bubble. Final Grade: 8/10

Andrew: This is a tough one for me to rate, as my memories of it are a lot fonder than my reaction on rewatching. I’m not overly impressed by the writing, the majority of the storylines are disappointing, and the date-rape allusions really cast a pall over the whole thing. Any yet, when I recall the image of George running over a bunch of pigeons, or getting clawed by a hawk on a talk-show set, I chuckle. Maybe that says more about me, actually. I think the important thing to remember here is that the Merv Griffin stuff rules, and this is a big improvement over last week. Final Grade: 7/10

Jordan: I love this one, and have some personal affinity to it as my dad loved it a lot, so I always think of him when I see it. Still, it’s carried heavily by the Kramer stuff and the rest kind of drags, but not so badly that it ruins the episode. I really just don’t like the Jerry stuff, where the George and Elaine stories are just forgettable. After last episode, forgettable is a bounce back, and an all time storyline vaults this even further. Grade: 8/10