#they used to give me big big anxiety when i was a preteen-teenager i was like noooo ill worry abt them 24/7

[babybarbies]

neopets don't guilt me im dying here 😭🤧😓

[autumnalfallingleaves]

WondLa (book and show) headcanons part one of two (Tumblr's character limit got me :( ) because I am, once again, as I was when I was a preteen, hyperfixated and I have so many headcanons :)

Part two

Eva may be an extrovert, but she also has very strong social anxiety and a very limited social battery, thanks to growing up incredibly isolated. Muthr did her best to combat this, but there really wasn't any avoiding it. Post-all the shit that goes down in Solas with Loroc, Eva can't be in a gathering of over six or seven people for a longer length of time without becoming incredibly anxious and having to leave the room to decompress. It helps to have a member of her family there. 

If it's one of the other kids (Hailey, Gen, Ojo [I think show!Ojo is around Eva's age, developmentally]), they'll joke around and try to get Eva's mind off of it; if it's one of the adults, they'll just chat with Eva; if it's Rovender, she's clinging. Social stuff is Hard but having a parent nearby is Good.

Since book!Eva is 13 Earth years old, she isn't even 1 by Cærulean/Halcyonus standards (they use units of 15 called trilustralus) (I don't know what other tribes on Orbona count by) so she's young in their eyes. Infant. Tiny little child. 

To that effect, once it gets out in Faunus and Lacus (and other Cærulean and Halcyonus villages but primarily those two) that the planet's savior is less than a trilustralis old, there's a lot less hero worship and a lot more taking care of a young child who is more famous than they know what to do with as a community. She's effectively Just Another Kid (positive), which means that all the adults around her are looking out for and teaching her, which is a huge boon for her integration into her adopted culture. 

(In the books, Rovender never actually got to meet/parent his unborn child, so he's just now learning how to be a parent. The people in Faunus and Lacus immediately clock this, and now Rovender is also being taught by those around him, specifically how to be a single parent. He gets a ton of support-- it's not easy, parenting a very, very famous kid, especially when they're not the same species as you. The humans who are more friendly towards the non-human Orbonians chip in, too; they actually have knowledge of human developmental cycles. There come to be many commiseration sessions with Van Turner about raising human teenagers.)

Eva, in either version of canon, never really got the chance to be a "normal" kid with a "normal" childhood. She goes immediately from survival training to actual survival to being on the run to being one of the most famous people on the planet. She's never known normalcy. So, after all the shit in Solas, when she and Rovender have moved to Lacus, Rovender does his best to keep Eva out of the spotlight (the Lacusians help with this and with treating her like the kid she is) to give her as normal a childhood as he can manage. It's not totally normal, not with that family, but it's a hell of a lot more normal than what Eva had before. She's actually a happy and carefree kid, after a while, which is something she's never actually gotten to be.

When she turns 15 in Earth years, she turns 1 in Cærulean/Halcyonus reckoning. This is a big event for Eva's family and the section of Lacus she lives in, so she gets a decently big birthday party that year. She normally has small party with just family, but the families in the area wanted to celebrate that milestone and threw a party for her. It was very cool. She got some really good gifts. 

The best gift, however, wasn't something physical. At the point Eva turns 15/1, humans (and more specifically, Sanctuary-born humans) have integrated into the preexisting Orbonian structure enough that there are now legal standards and proceedings for certain things. (There is still far to go until full integration, but there is enough for one certain thing.) After the party, Rovender sits Eva down and asks if he can formally adopt her as his child. He's got most of the legal stuff cleared, he just needs approval from the adoptee. Eva is his daughter in all but blood already, but this is a formality that will make it official with the government-- it's also a reassurance for Eva that she is wanted, that she has the family she always wanted. She, of course, accepts. 

Show!Eva's best friend is Queen Ojo. They're the two most famous teenagers on the planet; they find comfort in being able to chat and bitch to the other without judgement or expectation. Ojo doesn't have to be the queen; Eva doesn't have to be the savior of the planet. They're just two kids making blanket forts in the living room and eating junk food with bad movies. 

(Yeah, yeah. Show!Ojo grew on me. I was skeptical at first but it turns out that I really like her character and how she's an example of how Eva can inspire hope in people.)

Sometimes, Rovender will just come home some days to find the queen of the entire planet napping on the floor of his living room while his adopted human daughter sees how much stuff she can stack on the queen before it falls over and/or she wakes up. If you told him this would be his life a few years ago, he'd call you insane.

Poor guy finds himself half-parenting the queen of the entire planet, who has no parents, actually! They're dead! He teaches her a lot of practical stuff, stuff Ojo wasn't ever able to learn, growing up as royalty. Spending time in Lacus also helps her see multiple aspects of Orbona, which improves her rule, overall. The Kitts are also a very good grounding factor, and Ojo really does appreciate having a family again :)

[sockeye-run]

Content Warning ⚠️ : drug mention, PTSD, stress and complaining

We officially sold the big car yesterday. There's a demand for used and new cars right now; dealerships have been shrinking in inventory since last summer. So a local dealership was quick to offer us our asking price, which is a godsend, honestly. But I didn't feel any relief or happiness about it yesterday. I know it's going to take a huge chunk out of our bill debt, and I'm incredibly grateful we had the resource to use as needed... But I feel bad. I feel guilty about selling a very generous gift that we only had for a year. I feel stressed that we had to downsize because we can't even afford something as simple as the gas for the big car, let alone should anything happen to it. I'm stressed that we lost a valuable vehicle, as our family is ever growing and genuinely could use the extra space and power (towing, storage, etc). And I'm anxious as fuck about the financial situation still. I've been applying for jobs regularly, and without bias; I had an interview at the most depressing Aldi store I've ever seen in my life the other day. I'm willing to work in service or retail hell to keep us balanced. But I'm honestly not content with the situation. And though selling the car brings in a significant amount of monetary relief, it feels like I've just borrowed a couple more days of uneasy peace, and that nothing has actually improved.

Last night I was feeling so upset, so I took a kpin before bed. I was tired and needed the sleep, but the anxiety and stress were making my body and mind so tense that it felt like I wasn't even lying there, but instead floating out of pure tension just over the sheets lol. I did knock out eventually, but now I'm groggy and just kind of bummed out today. I have a run that I'm planning to get to soon, and that's a nice thing to look forward to. But then it's back to the job grind, taking care of the house/husband/pups, and just trying to keep moving on. I'm out of a lot of core recipe ingredients. I'm out of my DOC (coffee lol); I have black tea, so at least my caffeine addiction is placated. My husband is just as picky as his kids and prefers foods that I don't have or don't have the ingredients to make right now... And my PTSD gives me extreme anxiety when someone close to me even comes off as upset, whoops.

My goal is to just tighten all the belts and just make it through this summer. I don't want the kids to worry or feel pressured about our financial issues. It's not their responsibility or burden to carry. Unexplainably luckily, my sister and mom have offered to help with groceries while the kids are here, so that's one fewer stressor on my mind for the next two months. Granted, they're preteen and teenaged, so they eat like rabid ship rats lol, so I'm not certain how long things will last. But they do enjoy some very cheap and easy meals like pancakes and chicken and dumplings, so that's stuff I can whip up with relatively cheap ingredients. But I'll have to keep looking for work while trying to keep everyone afloat.

It's not very helpful, also, that it seems all my husband wants to talk about or watch/listen to is bad news. I realize everything is awful right now and good news is few and far between, but every day, all day, he just wants to reiterate all the awful things happening around and to us. It's just his modus operandi for processing, I think, but it really wears me down. I KNOW how fucking terrible everything is. I KNOW how corrupt the government and the powerful corporations they shield are, despite the dire needs of the very people and economy that fund their existence. I KNOW the earth is dying and supply chains are breaking down and people are being violent all the time. Even when I try my damndest to ignore anything but good news/content, the realities seep through. And having my only constant human contact and partner constantly reiterating the awful echoes of our current realities just makes me feel so pressurized. There's no true relief to be had anywhere.

Blegh. Sorry if you read all that and are bummed out now lol. I just don't have anywhere else to put this weight. Which reminds me, I'm also supposed to be looking for a therapist right now... ugh. I hope everyone is hanging in there and doing okay right now. 💙

[thereadingchallengechallenge]

Review: Sick Bay by Nova Weetman    #LoveOzYA Rating: 2/5

Since her father died suddenly 18 months ago, Meg Tower has been seeking refuge in her school's sick bay. With her mother missing in action, Meg is struggling to find food for her lunches and appropriate school clothes which has only given her bullies more ammunition. But when Riley Jackson, her bully's second-in-command and recent transfer student, starts making regular appearances in sick bay too, the two girls slowly strike up a friendship that might just make the last few months of primary school bearable.

I have a lot to say about this little novel. I enjoyed it while I was reading - I loved the characters and the Australian setting and I enjoyed reading about that scary transition from primary school to high school. I loved that this was a middle-grade novel tackling big topics like grieving one parent while the other struggles with mental illness and coping with a demanding disability like Type 1 Diabetes. But I really didn't like how Weetman handled those big topics.

Meg is clearly struggling with her situation throughout the novel and, regardless of what Weetman intended, Meg reads as mentally ill. She reads as depressed and anxious and why wouldn't she be? Her mother is barely functioning, she's being horrendously bullied at school, and she's facing the great unknown of starting high school with literally no emotional support.

So for Weetman to then turn around at the 90% mark and decide Meg was faking her panic attacks the entire time? Ableist. Unfair, lazy and ableist.

Until that point, this was a sensitive, beautiful story about a twelve-year-old girl struggling with anxiety and depression - things that affect lots of twelve-year-old girls - only for the author to rip that beautiful representation straight out of the reader's hands. It would've been so much stronger for Meg to actually be struggling with her mental health, and to seek healing alongside her mother. But instead, we have the kind of solution that, rather than uplifting mentally ill readers and encouraging them to seek help, perpetuates the harmful idea that the mentally ill are just faking it.

And then there's Riley. Riley has Type 1 Diabetes. According to the acknowledgements, the author did consult people who live with this disability in her writing of the novel but it's still glaringly obvious that this story about disability was written by an able-bodied author.

The majority of Riley's story revolves around her struggling to take control of caring for her diabetes on her own, in part because of her controlling mother and in part because of her wanting to fit in with her friends as seamlessly as possible. This was fine - it's something all disabled kids struggle with, it's something I struggled with - but the messages about acceptance that Weetman tried to shoehorn into Riley's story weren't disability-friendly at all.

Riley constantly says that her diabetes is only a small part of who she is but this doesn't come off as accepting or being comfortable with her disability. It comes off as trying to deny it, which only leads her to make dangerous choices that land her in hospital. Again, this is something lots of disabled kids struggle with, but there is not enough effort made to counter this harmful idea that rebelling by not taking care of yourself is "normal".

There's not enough pointing out the ableism Riley is encountering from her so-called friends or the fact that Riley's never been able to take charge of her own condition. Acceptance comes with access and Riley hasn't had any of that - she's barely getting dregs by the end of the novel because Weetman pays more attention to how it feels for Riley's mother to let go than to give Riley her autonomy.

But what bothered me most about Riley's story was Weetman's complete disregard for giving Riley any chance to engage with other kids who have diabetes. Riley talks about being sent on an outing with other diabetic kids and finding it so uncomfortable she's never tried it again. Her parents offer to send her to a diabetes camp halfway through the novel and she refuses that too. But Weetman never bothers to emphasise the fact that going on these activities would give Riley - and her controlling mother - the opportunity to connect with other people in her position.

I've been on those outings and those camps. And they can be awkward and uncomfortable depending on who else is there but when the stars align, they can be beautiful, uplifting experiences where you truly do not have to worry about being disabled. The greatest days of my childhood were the days I got to spend with other disabled kids without any ableism or access barriers in sight.

Disabled people need other disabled people. We need our community and this is something able-bodied people never seem to understand which is why it's so frustrating to see it disregarded in a children's book. Growing up with a disability is an endless struggle against ableism from family, friends, teachers, carers, strangers on the street. But connecting with other disabled kids through camps and activity programs are something that breaks up that tsunami of discrimination. It killed me to see Riley denying that opportunity and for Weetman to treat it like normal.

Because it's not normal for disabled people to be isolated from other people with their disability. It's not normal for preteens and teenagers to ignore their medical responsibilities to try to fit in with their friends. It's not normal for parents to control every aspect of their child's disability and refuse to teach them to care for it themselves. It's all ableism and it pains me to see all of this in a novel for kids who probably don't have access to the broader disability community to learn any different.

I was promised this was a story about friendship and self-acceptance but this is just another book by an able-bodied author who bothered to research a medical condition but not the disability community. If you want to write about us, learn what our lives are actually like because we are proud of our disabilities and that's what disabled kids need to see in the books written about them.

Warnings: Ableism, medically dangerous behaviour, bullying and mental health themes.                                              

[anyu-blue]

Been getting whiplash lately

So recently there's been a surge of Blue's clues merch at our local supermarket. Not all that strange I suppose, but with going through my trauma in therapy there's stuff I recall which the show is tied to.

Part of the whiplash is I have known about Blue's new owner for a while (though I don't recall his name, but I know his face)... While neither of my sisters did until last week. They had no clue.

Something so explicitly tied to my childhood and... Psyche... Completely overlooked by those I've grown up with- lending credence to the fact that this same show was and is NOT a big part of theirs- not linked like mine is.

Lol not a bad thing at all... But another part is the.. dare I say painful realization I never got to be a kid. I mean I knew.. but like... Just how badly we were abused and hurt still keeps boggling my mind the more and more I go back and dig into it... I have many more painful things left to uncover. I can feel it... But this one... I never realized JUST how painful it was and is.

Blue's clues was something.. I loved. Adored. So much. Yet I never, NEVER received a single gift in relation to her or the show that wasn't destroyed or taken away so soon after I got it by my mother (I'm not even sure there WERE any at all because I don't remember any, but there must have been at some point- I do have enormous gaps in my memory). The show itself was always taken away or shut off and I was punished for trying to enjoy it- and dare I say for enjoying it the older I got. 'it's for four year olds!' they'd say... Even Tevie.

Every Saturday.. I would try my hardest to sneak Saturday morning cartoons... Because we weren't supposed to watch them (or any TV at all... at the very very least without permission- and that was on a good day).. many many many mornings I turned the TV down as low as I could where I could still hear it and I would try to watch it. It was always on at the same time as Power Rangers- my eldest sister's show of choice so there were many times we would fight and get into trouble. I just wanted the small comfort that show brought me... And I imagine my sister wanted the same of hers.

We got grounded so many times... So much trouble for that one show each of ours. It's all we wanted. All we talked about. (Me Blue, Tevie Powerangers).

I found so much comfort when I could watch it... I don't know why exactly... But I feel I would still feel it if I tried to watch it now... You know, alongside the overwhelming guilt of attempting to watch children's programming 😅 especially directed at children so young.

It's a whiplash feeling in of itself... And I find myself arguing with myself....

Do.. do I want to watch Blue's clues? I'm going to be 27 in one week exactly... Why do I?

Well.. I know why. I loved it so much. Every glimpse I got growing up- as a toddler, as a kid, as a preteen, as a teenager, and even the very small bits as an adult.. oh how I would get sucked in.. how it would put my siblings to sleep every time I watched them and I just... Stared at the TV. Watching it. Enjoying it. Pretending it was for the youngest- whomever it was at the time.

...

Okay... So I want to. But the guilt. Children's programming. No children of my own. More than Old enough to have children of my own!! 😱

...

It might seem a silly question.. especially because I know the answer.. and I don't want anyone to say it to me because of my pride 😅.. but...

Can. Can I watch Blue's Clues? SHOULD I?

... the adult in me is asking.. will it heal something in me? Will.. will it help me if I do? To finally.. consume the media I was always deprived of?

Can.. can I... Use my $10 end of month allowance to buy myself a... A Blue plushy/stuffie to help me sleep?

The child in me- the one so squashed and hurt and lonely... Really, really badly wants that... Even if the adult me knows it's just media and buying things is not my forte Because of my anxieties surrounding money and wastefulness. Even if the adult me knows just how childish and cringe these thoughts and desires are. How everyone could look down on me....

I'm nearly 27... Can I like Blue's clues?

And yet.. whiplashed back again... My aunt.. had/has an obsession with Tigger. Her youngest sister with Dolphins (her husband with Wolves). My adoptive mom.. with care bears. My dad with Dragons. Tevie... With Disney's Elsa. My GRANDMOTHER with... Pooh. 😵 And I mean OBSESSION. Walls and shelves and more PLASTERED with figures and toys and.. and.. I'm the only one without... I have my Transformers, but a part of my knows I only do because they're slightly socially acceptable for a 26/27 nonbinary like myself... And they're all in a big box because I'm too scared to display or pull them out.

There's something.. Something so broken in me.. so hurt and lost and scared...

If I let myself do this... Will.. will it help to bring it back? Make it warm? Help me heal?

There's so much pain there... The sudden rejection and fear of being caught when the tv was suddenly shut off mid-episode. The..

OMFG

I just remembered.

I always thought I didn't have it as bad as others and felt so ashamed for feeling like I was abused the older I got when our mother told us she always did her best and never abused us like her mother did to her and.. and...

I WAS hit... Omg... I. Forgot.

I mean I know why I forgot. I know why I was slapped and bruised and hurt. My hair pulled and my...

We'll just say 'and more'

...

If.. I get myself a Blue Plushy to hold onto... And maybe bring myself to watch some episodes... Can I make it go away? The fear.. the anxiety? Can I finally know I'm okay? ... Will it help to finally enjoy what I desperately wanted to as a child? My one comfort I sacrificed so much for?

Whiplash... Back and forth... I don't know what to do.. what is the right decision.. will it cost me more in the long run (friends, family, $, Respect) to give in? Or will I cost myself my sanity by knowing everyone else has their interests I do not judge them for while fearing judgment for mine?

[writtenbyhappynerds]

FF102: Unit 4, Writing Children

Hello! So, because we screwed the pooch and didn’t take into consideration how long it would take to write the Diversity chapter, we are giving you 2 chapters in 1 week. The second part of this week is writing kids, which came about after the many parent fics and Hogwarts/Percy Jackson fics that the Editor and I have read.

          The biggest mistake you can do, the one that really shows your lack of experience as a writer is dumbing down children. Kids are just like any other adult OC. They need growth, motivation, strengths, and weaknesses. You lose power in writing kids when you infantilize them, and you need to understand the general age brackets of how kids operate. I myself struggle with this, but kids can hold a conversation just like an adult can. They can have meaningful and profound discussions. That’s how the saying, ‘out of the mouth of babes’ came around. Now, that doesn’t mean that the children are smarter than adults, but they can absolutely keep up. For example, I had a talk with my 7-year old cousin once. She asked me if I thought of myself as funny. I said yes, and she then asked if I had to work hard to be funny or if God made me naturally funny. It was a conversation I wasn’t prepared for, but I still had it with her all the same. Think back to when you were a kid. If you didn’t talk like or do the things you’re making your child OC do, then don’t make that OC do them!

          What we usually see in child OCs is that they are cut back emotionally and mentally to the age of a common 3-year old. Pervocracy wrote a great memo on how to handle children while they worked as a childless nurse. I will summarize that memo and add my own notes as well. It will be cited below for your convenience.

          From the time of birth to a year old, the child is a baby. They can crawl and walk, and may have a few words or be able to recognize people, may know parts of the body “Can you show me where your feet are?” but they are essentially small animals. You have to be gentle and affectionate, and don’t expect them to cooperate. Babies cry, but more often than not they cry as a means to communicate.

          A child aged 1-2 years old is a bit more difficult. They have more mobility and have gained more of a voice. The “terrible twos” come in to play here and the child is able to walk and run around. Often children at this age are dependent on the response of their caregivers. If a child falls, they only will make a big deal out of said fall because their caregiver does. They cry because their caregiver has clued them in socially that they are hurt. That’s why you see a lot of moms tell their babies, “it’s okay!” or “you’re okay.” They have to reassure the child that they are in fact fine so the child does not react. Children at this age can speak, but it may still be simple sentences. They can’t get deep yet. They also will recognize strangers and want to avoid them.

          A toddler/preschool child is around the age of 3-5 years old. They are more socialized, given this is the age where most children go to daycare, preschool, or kindergarten. They are potty trained by this age. Do not write a 3-5-year-old OC and have her still in diapers. That isn’t realistic. These kids are also fully mobile, and this is the age where you can start seeing the baby’s personality. Are they a hyper child? Do they like animals? If the child dances, most dancers start pre-ballet classes at this age. Do they want to go outside all the time or are they more comfortable spending time inside? Babytalk from the child, ie: mama, dada, I want, etc. Is not realistic. Again, the child may have simple sentences, but they’ve learned enough words at this point to not have to resort to speaking like that. These kids are easily distracted and likely have been weaned off naps. Parents can still babytalk these kids, a phrase here which means speak to them in that sweet little-kid voice, but the baby will not babytalk to their parents.

          A small child is roughly the ages of 6-10. These kids in America are already in school. A 6-year old is the average age of first graders, and a 9/10-year-old is roughly a 3rd grader. They will not respond well to babytalk. These kids want to be treated like adults but may still have childlike tendencies (may still pout, whine, cry, etc.). They have been fully socialized by this point as they will have had years in daycare or school racked up at this point. They are outgoing and less afraid of strangers. Most prodigy children who play an instrument will have started their instrument around age 5 or 6 (source: was a prodigy child. Started violin at 6). They like to see cool or fun or gross facts and are eager to learn and joke around. At this age you’re still watching Spongebob unironically, so treat them as such.

          A preteen is around the ages of 11-14. The child, if it’s a girl, may experience her first period, the child, if it’s a boy, will go through puberty. Girls may develop quicker, as many boys can recall a point in like 5th grade where all the girls were suddenly taller than them. These children are fussy and frustrated because they think they know more than they actually do, but are still treated for the most part like kids. They still need bedtimes and house rules and restrictions, but they don’t want them. A child will likely learn swearwords and start using them out of sight of their parents around the age of 12. This is also where a child’s cringe phase comes in because they will be going through middle school, which is the worst time in every kid’s life and a time that they all want to forget.

          A teenager is around 15-18. These are young adults. They have freedoms, mainly the ability to drive a car, but their life experience is limited. Around this age is where a child would get a girlfriend or boyfriend. No sex at this age. Don’t do that to your OCs. In Harry Potter, we often see writers jumping the gun and having their OCs hook up with Draco Malfoy in the third year. That’s too early for a kid. That kid would still be a preteen, and their life experience is limited. They also would be incapable of giving consent for something like that. Wait until they are 15-18. In Harry Potter fanfic, that would be years 5-7. This age of OC will want some autonomy away from their parents. If they visit the doctor’s office they may want to go alone. If you offered them a sticker at the doctor’s office, they’d take it ironically. They may experience early stages of depression, anxiety, or stress that can be caused by their school or home life because they have more expectations placed on them. They may have hobbies or be involved in after-school activities. A 17-year-old or 18 year old will be thinking about college.

          Notice the progression as the ages go up. A 5 or 6-year-old won’t have the pressures of a 17-year old, but they can still hold a conversation and do similar activities to the teenager. A 1-year old will speak in baby talk, but that window is very small and narrow, and in fanfiction we often see it carry on for much longer than it should. Babies grow faster than you think. They develop faster too, and you don’t want to limit your OC’s ability for growth because you’ve shoehorned them into one specific age. Child OCs deserve character growth just like adult OCs. The fun part about writing kid OCs is that the audience can see them grow into what would be already-developed personality traits and hobbies in an adult OC. The things that would get added to your internal character bio get to grow and blossom right in front of us. If you write a child OC, give them the chance to do that. Give them the chance to grow.

          Finally, most Harry Potter or Percy Jackson fanfics start the OC off as a first-year, which luckily for us is the same age as a new camper at Camp Half-Blood. Both are 11 or 12. We had a note for young OCs in Fanfiction 101 Unit 3: Please Stop Using Emily Rudd. I will reiterate that point: these OCs are 11-12 at the start of the fanfic. You should not be describing how “strikingly beautiful” an 11 or 12-year-old is. On top of that, children don’t notice things like that. Save attraction for when they’re like 14. That’s when it’ll have a more meaningful impact.

          Next week we’ll be getting more technical. The next unit is a topic the Editor and I have a lot of experience in, and hopefully, we’ll be able to bring in some outside perspectives.

Xoxo, Gossip Girl.

Sources:

Pervocracy's Tumblr

[vermontswift]

Hey guys!! I hope you’re doing well. I decided months after the concert, and years after my first, that it was time for me to make this post. When I was 8, I fell in love with the idea of falling in love. I became infatuated with the song, You Belong With Me, and I would sit with my younger brother for hours at his computer rewatching the music video. (The only reason I found the song in the first place was thanks to a talent show at my school where two girls sang it so hey thanks haha). Quickly, I think my parents could tell @taylorswift’s music brought a lot of joy into my life. Around that time was when my parents were starting to go through their divorce process. It was hard for my 3 siblings and I, as well as my mom. I didnt see my dad for months and I wasn’t sure if I ever would or wanted to again. But slowly, things got a little better piece by piece. For Christmas that year, I got (the infamous but not infamous) hello kitty boom box along with a fearless cd. From there was where my love truly sprouted. My mom would yell at me to turn down the boom box because it was always playing so loud. The year that the Fearless tour came around it was all I could talk about. But I knew, even from that young age, that we probably wouldn’t be able to afford to go, but I was wrong. One morning my mom told my brother and I we would be driving down to MA to see my aunt for her birthday. We drove past cars decorated in paint, but I had no idea why. See being only 9 I didn’t really have a good conception of what the date was or when the concert even was. We continued our drive, and drove past a car of teenage girls screaming about Justin Bieber holding a photo of them out their window (on the high way). My brother and I thought it was the funniest thing in the world but still had no idea. Pulling up to Gillette Stadium that day, I genuinely thought that we’d gotten lost. My mom started to get my brother and his wheelchair out of the car and I asked what we were doing. I believe I said something along the lines of-wait we aren’t going are we? And when she said we were I still couldn’t believe it and I screamed and cried. I kept asking and the entire night felt completely surreal. My mom was smart enough to have brought binoculars so we could see from our seats. It was truly amazing. My memories between fearless and speak now blur together. I think I remember starting to use TaylorSwift.com more to interact with other fans around this time. I also remember watching the Speak Now announcement livestream and being so excited. I got the album for my birthday in November, and I got concert tickets for Christmas. I remember they were in a shoe box and I was like oh cool shoes, but I opened it and the letter was inside and I sobbed. There’s probably a video somewhere but I don’t know where. I also made a poster for this tour back before there was a dimension limit. It was literally like a science poster board and it said “I want to be like you, you rock!” And I drew a 13 and arm lyrics on my arm. After the speak now era of things I had began middle school (it was around 5/6 grade). It was an especially hard time for me, I didn’t have a lot of friends anymore and since my class only had 33 kids it was hard to make new friends. Despite the cliqueyness of things, and my depression, I continued on. I remember the day that the RED album was announced so well. I had been waiting for weeks and couldn’t contain myself. At the time I had a mentor(kinda like a big sibling program) and I was to hang out with her. I had to explain to her how to get into YouTube and we almost missed the beginning but I was entranced by it. She kept urging me to get off the computer and that I could watch it later but I was so excited. The first song you played brought tears to my eyes. I remember the next year at school I got all folders colored red which was my moms idea and in hindsight made it super difficult to tell which had which stuff but it’s okay I got through it lol. The RED tour I also got tickets for during Christmas and again I was extremely excited. Wow this is getting super long but for the RED tour I spent hours making my poster (which you can see in the photo above). The security guard almost didn’t let me in but we promised not to hold it up and so she let it slide. We wore lights around our necks and I did around my hat and danced all night. At one point I saw Andrea on the jumbotron (did I mention this was my first time having floor seats ahhh). And my mom and I instantly had a game plan. When you came around the other side everyone would rush to be over there so we started walking the empty side and we ran into her. I yelled Hi Andrea! And the security tightened around her. She pushed through them and gave me the biggest hug. I handed her a letter and apologized for it being wet and she laughed and said it’s okay sweetie (wow I was so nervous and cute and 13 wow). I also took a photo with her and she was overall such a sweet person. (Thank you Andrea). For 1989 it was sort of the same shabang again. I watched the live stream in Cape Cod with my best friend and I cried. I couldn’t watch all of it because we had to leave to go somewhere but I was so excited. My first time watching the shake it off video I loved it but was also afraid of the shift in your music. Regardless I loved it and listened to it on repeat. I got tickets to the 1989 tour Christmas of my 8th grade year. This is where things really changed. I started using tumblr, and eventually came across @hellagoodfellas. She was surprised I actually live in VT and we clicked instantly. She introduced me to a new group chat of people who’d be seeing the 1989 concert at Gillette (hey I also met Scott this night he was so nice as well). We started with like 25 people and slowly it got smaller and smaller. We all have grown so incredibly close and I’m thankful to have those girls in my life to this day. We were actually able to meet at Gillette and we were awkward preteens but it’s okay it was still an amazing experience. The reputation era has brought so much empowerment into my life and without it I would be lost. I’ve been struggling a lot this year with my anxiety, I’ve always had it but being a senior in high school there’s just a lot of stress. When Rep came out the summer between my sophomore and junior years it was a god send. I danced and laughed and cried. I was finally started to be alive. Some of my best memories are just from this album and this era so thank you. I was lucky enough to go see 2 shows this year which is mind boggling. Both at Gillette (of course 😉) and I got to see my best friends both nights. Without being able to spend hours creating costumes and posters, or months spent listening to the music I don’t know who I’d be. No, you and your music doesn’t define who I am, but it has shaped me into the person I am today. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for giving me (and my mom she’s the real MVP for going to all of these concerts with me) a creative outlet and something to look forward to. For the beautiful works of art you’ve created, and to the future of many more memories to come. Much love, xo, @vermontswift

[everlastinghealthcenter]

Health Care in Youngsters

When you are young, you may not think too much about going to the doctor unless you are sick or injured. But your doctor is there for you in sickness and in health. You can provide "preventive services" that can detect disease or help prevent conditions or other problems. It is important to get these services as a teenager or young adult. Many conditions that occur later in life start when you are younger. For example, about 65% of deaths in adults are caused by heart disease, cancer, and stroke. In many cases, these diseases can be prevented. Many of the behaviors that cause these diseases start at a young age. For example, teens who use tobacco are more likely to have heart diseases.

Path to better health

The preventive service you need may be a test, a vaccination, or advice from your doctor. The types of preventive services you need depend on your age, medical history, and family history. For teens and young adults, there are several key areas that your doctor is likely to focus on. These areas include:

Social and behavioral health care

Immunizations (shots)

Healthy habits

Reproductive and sexual health

Confidential care

Patient and parent information

Social and behavioral health care

Adolescents and young adults face many problems on a daily basis that affect their social and behavioral health. These problems can include violence, harassment, bullying, or drug use. These types of problems can affect you in many ways. You may experience depression, anxiety, or an eating disorder. You can experiment with drugs or have unprotected sex. It is important to talk to your family doctor if you have problems with any of these types of things. You should also speak to your doctor if you have any of these warning signs:

Agitation or restlessness

Weight gain or loss

A drop in grades

Difficult to focus

Permanent feelings of sadness

Not giving importance to people or things

Lack of motivation

Feeling tired, low on energy

Lack of interest in activities

Low self esteem

Sleeping problems

Immunization

Immunizations (also called shots) are an important part of preventive services for children, teens, and adults. They are safe and effective, and they save lives. The American Academy of Family Physicians (AAFP) strongly recommends that patients receive all necessary vaccinations at their primary care physician's office. They can protect against diseases like measles, chickenpox, and the human papillomavirus (HPV). Vaccines you may need as a teenager or young adult include the flu vaccine, the HPV vaccine, and the triple bacterial vaccine (Tdap). The flu shot is given every year at the beginning of cold and flu season to protect you against the flu. The HPV vaccine is given when children are between 11 and 12 years old, but older teens and young adults can still get the vaccine. Helps prevent the spread of the HPV virus, which causes genital warts and various types of cancer. The Tdap vaccine prevents tetanus, diphtheria, and whooping cough (whooping cough). Preteens and teens should get a single shot at age 11 or 12, but older teens and young adults can also get the shot.

Healthy habits

Health is more than the absence of disease. The AAFP says: "Health is a state of physical, mental and social well-being, and not the mere absence of disease or illness." Health is the key to living a productive and satisfying life. Developing healthy habits as a teenager or young adult can lower your chances of getting sick or hurt.

When you talk to your family doctor, you need to discuss how you can stay healthy. Talk to your doctor about:

Your physical health . Exercise regularly, eat a healthy diet, get enough sleep, and maintain a healthy weight. Take care of your teeth, use sunscreen, and don't smoke traditional or electronic cigarettes, or use tobacco.

Your mental and emotional health . Learn to manage stress and develop a good balance between school, work, and social life. Pay attention to your moods and feelings, and don't be afraid to ask for help if you need it.

Your behavioral health . Stay safe by avoiding substance use or abuse, driving safely, avoiding violence, and practicing abstinence or safe sex.

The habits you have now will really make a difference when you are older.

Reproductive and sexual health

Becoming sexually active is a big decision. Consult your doctor if you are, or are considering becoming, sexually active. They can talk about your options for preventing pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections (STIs).

There are many ways to protect your sexual health and take care of yourself. Abstinence is the only way to 100% prevent pregnancy and STIs. This means not having vaginal, anal, or oral sex.

If you decide to be sexually active with a person of the opposite sex, you should consider a form of birth control. The different types include condoms, tablets, patches, injections, implants, diaphragms, or intrauterine devices (IUDs). They can help prevent unwanted pregnancies. Condoms are the only way to prevent pregnancy and STIs.

Talk to your doctor before you start having sex. You can answer any questions about sexual health. You can also prescribe a form of birth control.

Confidential care

The AAFP believes that teens and young adults should have access to confidential health care. It is important for your health and well-being. You should be offered the opportunity to see your doctor alone, without a parent or guardian in the room. You should be able to do this whether you go to the doctor for an exam or for advice. You must have private confidential discussions about making healthy decisions.

Patient and parent information

It is important that patients and parents have access to information that will guide adolescents and young adults in making healthy choices. The AAFP encourages parents and patients to talk with their family doctor about potential adolescent health risks and how to avoid them.

Aspects to be taken into account

You may think that because you are young and healthy, you don't need to see your doctor. But it is important to see your doctor and receive preventive services. Unhealthy decisions when you are young can lead to consequences later. Preventive services will now protect you and help you make healthy choices throughout your life.

Questions to ask your doctor

What kind of preventive services do I need at my age?

Do I need vaccinations?

What kinds of birth control are available to me?

What can I do now to prevent heart disease, cancer, or stroke later in life?

How Often Should You See Your Doctor For Preventive Care?

Also visit: https://www.cirillas.com/

[vdoesbookrecs]

Welcome to the Shame Shelf #1

Blurb: Amber, Maali, Sky and Rose may be very different, but they all have one thing in common: they’re fed up with being told how to look, what to think and how to act. 

They’re not like everyone else

and they don’t want to be.

Becoming friends gives them the courage to be themselves. 

Some Stats: First published in 2016, ISBN: 978-1-4063-6582-5, 347 pages in the Walker Books paperback edition. Thirty-nine chapters, third-person limited narrator, written in past tense. Style is standard to colloquial, syntax is rather simple. Took me about five hours to get through, I’d say ten to fifteen for the average to slow reader. 

Synopsis: The story follows four girls, Amber, who lives with her two dads and is obsessed with vintage and Oscar Wilde, Maali, a painfully shy Indian girl who just wants to be able to talk to boys, Sky, who writes poetry and used to live on a house boat with her father, and Rose, who’s mother is a famous model and dating Sky’s father. All four girls feel like outcasts because they are different from the average girl. Amber decides to found a sort of secret society, the Moonlight Dreamers (inspired by an Oscar Wilde quote), and hands out ‘invitation cards’ to Maali and Sky. Rose tags along to the first Moonlight Dreamers meeting and is reluctantly accepted into the group. The girls vow to help each other achieve their dreams, which range through talking to boys to getting more followers on tumblr. Meanwhile, many problems in the girls’ personal lives come up: Sky and Rose despise each other and don’t want their parents to move in together, Rose struggles with alcoholism and her boyfriend, Amber with the strained relationship to her father Gerald, who is a self-obsessed artist, and Maali’s crush has a girlfriend. The situation escalates when Rose’s boyfriend posts a nude she sent him on her Instagram because she wouldn’t sleep with him and paparazzi begin chasing her and her mother around. Sky offers her refuge on her house boat and the girls finally reconcile their differences. Rose’s mother sees the error in her ways and she and Sky’s father decide to move apart again. Amber interviews Rose and posts the interview on tumblr, boosting her follower count dramatically. The book ends with the girls supporting Sky at her first poetry slam and visiting Oscar Wilde’s grave in Paris with Amber’s fathers, who she has also reconciled with. 

Personal Opinion: In an interview with The Guardian regarding Curham’s involvement in Zoe Sugg’s ‘Girl Online’ she states that she “love[s] writing books and [she] love[s] helping others write books. And [she] especially love[s] being involved in the creation of books that help others. Books that deal with real and serious issues such as cyber-bullying, homophobia and anxiety.” (x) to which I can only say ...really? The blurb sounds like it, but after reading this book I’m not so sure anymore. To clarify: The two major themes of this book are friendship and the relationship between a child and its parents. And I have an issue with this. Because they are not treated the way they should be. I’ll start with the parent issue: The book features two prominent examples of bad parenting bordering on emotional neglect, Rose’s mother and Amber’s father Gerald. And the thing is, emotional neglect is something that needs to be addressed, but in this book, I’d really rather the author didn’t because instead of showing a parent who unintentionally neglects a child and trying to show the reasons for that and how the issue is resolved, she uses harmful stereotypes about women and gay men as an ‘explanation’ and the issue is resolved when the characters become more ‘mainstream’. Rose’s mother is a model and shown as the stereotypical beauty-obsessed woman who’s only goal in life is to be prettier than the rest. Amber’s father is shown as the stereotypical flamboyant gay man. They are both characterised as self-obsessed because of this, leading to them neglecting their children. And this is extremely dangerous, especially in a novel aimed towards preteen to early teenage girls, because what you’re doing with something like that is saying that it’s only okay for people to be different if they still fit the mainstream mould. And, considering the target group, that implication that women are only worth being taken seriously if they don’t do typically girly stuff is downright fatal. What you’re doing with something like this is connecting explicitly negative stereotypes to femininity. You’re making thousands of little girls who like makeup or being pretty and thousands of boys who like pink and flower crowns feel like they aren’t worthy of respect, like they aren’t worthy of being seen as human beings. You’re distancing them from their peers, you’re allowing them to become easy targets for bullying, you’re isolating them from the group of ‘normal human beings’ and purposely pushing them towards ‘freak’. Same with the friendship thing. Instead of portraying a healthy relationship between four girls who all feel like outcasts for various different reasons, the author explicitly distances them from other girls, who are described as superficial and portrayed as monstrous caricatures of Instagram fashionistas. The one thing that ties this group of ‘friends’ together is not mutual (sisterly) love and respect, but an almost cult-like group philosophy based on a feeling of exclusiveness. The authors intention was obviously to assure girls that don’t identify with stereotypes attached to femininity that it’s ok to be ‘different’, but this is not the way to go about it. You’re not creating “books that help others”, to say it with Curham’s words, you’re telling a big part of your readers that they aren’t worthy of true friendship, and another big part of your readers that they are superior to other girls and shouldn’t take them seriously or associate with them. 

I’m a member of the Shame Shelf because...

...I use explicitly homophobic stereotypes in order to antagonise and ridicule a gay character instead of a realistic characterisation and actually focusing on the problem at hand, which is emotional neglect of a child by a parent.

...Instead of realistic character development leading to the four protagonists becoming friends, I distance them from the group of girls as a whole and heavily imply that, should a member of the group no longer fit the specific criteria for being ‘different’, they would no longer be allowed to be part of the group. 

...I explicitly shame girls and women for wanting to be pretty, wearing makeup, and following fashion trends.

...I characterise almost all women outside the group of outsiders as being shallow, disloyal and backstabbing. 

...I explicitly queer-code a character inside the group, showing her being repulsed by male attention, not seeing men as attractive, imply her falling in love with a woman, imply her to only be dating men because she wants to uphold an image, give her several opportunities to come out, and make all of this magically vanish when she resolves the issue with her boyfriend, implying that she only felt homoerotic attraction because they boy she was dating wasn’t the right one for her and/or a ‘real’ man. And yes, I know, she’s supposed to come out in the next book, but that still doesn’t excuse the aforementioned implication that the issue isn’t about her sexuality but her boyfriend. 

Books That Do It Better: Wild Chicks by Cornelia Funke (available in German and Polish, coming soon in English), a five-part series about a group of girls that decide to form a 'gang’, is, in my opinion, everything The Moonlight Dreamers could have been. Like Curham’s, Funke’s characters are all misfits in some way: Sprotte does badly in school, lives with her single mom and despises the new boyfriend. Wilma is an academic overachiever. Trude is bullied for being shy and fat. Melanie is hated by other girls for being pretty and liking boys and makeup. Frieda is a hippie. But instead of putting them in a group and distancing them even further from the ‘average girl’, giving them a sense of superiority over their female peers, and creating a feeling of exclusivity, they are just friends. They help each other, they stick together, they fight, they make up, they have a sometimes-playful-sometimes-not rivalry going on with the local gang of boys, they fall in love, they have their hearts broken. They’re just girls. Girls being friends. There are many parallels between the Wild Chicks and the Moonlight Dreamers, so many even, that one might think Curham has read the series. But while the Moonlight Dreamers seem to distance themselves from other girls further and further the more things happen in their lives, the Wild Chicks never claim to be better or even different in a fundamental way. There is never a need to set themselves apart from others, there is no secretiveness or group philosophy involved, no idol everyone is required to look up to. They became friends because Sprotte liked the idea of a tight-knit group of girl friends. They stayed friends because they genuinely like each other. Not because they convinced themselves that they are somehow better and different from anyone around them. 

T/W: attempted rape (graphic), invasion of privacy by the media (graphic), implied eating disorder, queerbating, homophobic stereotypes, implied parental neglect, sending nudes, posting nudes without consent

[ashafriesen]

Expert roundup

Christina Nicholson – Christina All Day 

Every ten-year-old girl is different and likes different things. Here, in my house, it’s arts and crafts. Any kind of creative gift like this is a gift that keeps on giving because it keeps her busy and is something she can use repeatedly.

Some of these gifts include colorful rubber bands and beads used to make bracelets, canvases with paints, activity books with crayons and markers, and even educational workbooks are a hit in my house.

In addition to creative gifts, games are popular because we have a big family to play games with. We also have some fun cooking and baking tools like kids measuring cups and spoons as well as cute aprons and chef’s hats to help in the kitchen.

Again, I think the best gifts are those that can be used to entertain, especially now during COVID-19 while we’re spending a lot of time at home.

Rebecca Smith – I Always Believed In Futures

I think the best gift for a ten-year-old girl right now has to be a book, especially something like Fantastically Great Women Who Changed The World, a great look at women in our history or a kid’s classic series such as the Harry Potter series.

With the world ever-changing, it is important to help our kids learn about the world around us as it is right now and the history of great people who have been. I find that young children love books and as they get older, their appetite for reading increases.

As they become pre-teens, they develop even more of a thirst for learning, and nonfiction books such as the one I mentioned above seem increasingly popular, selling out across the world.

The reason I think this is a great gift is that it will last the test of time – she can constantly go back to it over and over again as the years progress. Better still, it isn’t made of plastic and doesn’t need batteries which a lot of toys and products for ten-year-olds do.

Far too often, a girl of that age will end up with a lot of toys that are either not age-appropriate or require an obscene amount of batteries or power.

Erica Schmidt Jabali – I Spy Fabulous

There are so many great gifts for tween girls, but they can all start to look the same. That’s why I created an empowering coloring book and journal for the tween girls in my life. You Are Enough has 55 pages of encouraging quotes, coloring pages, journal prompts, doodle pages, and more, to lift up the young girls in our life.

With powerful messages like, “You CAN do hard things!” and quotes from thought leaders like Michelle Obama, Amelia Earhart, Oprah, and many more, this is a journal designed to give them the boost and make them feel as strong, smart and beautiful as they are.

Plus, with plenty of space to dream, vent, doodle, and draw, this book will be the stress and anxiety reliever they need, too. Pair this journal with a pack of fun pens, coloring pencils or markers and let her creativity run wild.

Plus, you can grab the book and a pack of pencils for around $20, making it a very affordable option for the young girls in your life. It’s a jungle out there. Give your favorite girls the gift of a safe space to be built up and share their feelings.

Allie Edwards – The Perfect Pregnancy Plan

For any 10-year-old girl that is interested in animals and or nature a photograph loaded encyclopedia especially about her favorite animals is a wonderful gift.

It’s great to be able to get something that is educational but fun at the same time. There are so many beautiful encyclopedias about whatever topic your 10-year-old girl is interested in these days.

Just this year we got my daughter an encyclopedia of cat breeds, and encyclopedia of dog breeds, a bug-o-pedia, and one of rocks and minerals!

So I suppose you don’t even have to keep the topic to animals if there is a great encyclopedia available about another of her interests.

Because we don’t need them to look up information anymore, thanks to Google, encyclopedias have taken on a whole new life from the boring ones that we, as moms, can picture from our childhoods that took up an entire shelf in our houses and at the libraries.

Encyclopedias nowadays are focused on a particular interest, loaded with pictures, and put together in a very captivating way. Broaden your 10-year-old girls’ knowledge by fostering some of her interests.

It’s amazing how much more a kid will learn and study just on their own accord when it’s something they are passionate about.

Lauren Tingley – Simply-Well-Balanced

As a mother of a 10-year-old girl and child development professional, I know that it’s important for girls this age to feel confident, empowered, and strong.

As they enter their tween years they will face a lot of pressure from peers and from themselves. That’s why it’s important to build up their sense of self and help them to develop a strong identity as soon as possible.

I always recommend The Confidence Code for Girls as one of the best gifts you could give a 10-year-old girl. It’s a New York Times Bestseller.

It’s an interactive book with fun quizzes, comic strips, and stories from real girls that will encourage your daughter to become her most confident, amazing self.

Abbie Alter – Plano Moms

I have a 10-year-old daughter and recently gifted her a Kindle Unlimited subscription, so she can download books to her iPad (and read using the Kindle app).

A 6-month deal is currently less than $50, and $10 per month thereafter. They also offer a 30-day free trial which gives the chance to really try it out at no risk. The alternative to this type of subscription is to download each book separately (the cost adds up quickly!).

I have an app that checks what she is using and how much time is being spent on different activities online.

So, when YouTube Kids and Roblox time is restricted, she can read a number of different books without trips to the library to pick up books curbside.

There are thousands of amazing kids’ books. I spotted Artemis Fowl, Harry Potter, Fantastic Beasts and so many more.

If your 10 years old prefers to listen, they also have a great selection of books that they can listen to on the Audible app too. This is helpful on long car journeys or road trips, where we can listen to books together to pass the time!

Melinda Ashley – Unfrazzled Mama

Ten-year-old girls are hard to buy gifts for because they’re in a period of such transition. They’re no longer interested in the “kiddish” toys that they may have enjoyed a year or two ago, but may not yet be mature enough for the products geared towards teenagers.

Though this age is tricky, you can never go wrong with a good book! Books make great gifts for a preteen girl because it doesn’t matter if they’re totally into hair and makeup or still love to play with their stuffed animals.

There’s a good book out there for everyone. I love to give books as gifts because they provide hours of screen-free entertainment, and they are relatively clutter-free as well!

My top pick for a gift for a ten-year-old girl would be a book subscription from a company like My First Reading Club or Reading Bug Books. What’s better than new, age-appropriate books arriving in the mail every month?

The great news for the gift-giver is that you don’t have to try to figure out what books she enjoys. The curators of these subscription boxes know what kids like and do the work for you. With fantastic books arriving each month, it’s practically a guarantee that the recipient of your gift will find at least one book or two that she loves!

A book subscription is a gift a young girl can look forward to receiving and enjoy for months to come!

Barbara Nevers – NeoLittle

Ten-year-old girls are on the stage of great curiosity. They can understand a lot of things already, and are keen to discover everything that they can see. They are also starting to play a lot with other children and are learning how to adapt to different kinds of environments.

As for me, here are three of the best gifts that I would like my ten-year-old girl to receive: 1. Walkie Chalk Stand Up Sidewalk Chalk Holder. This is great for outdoor activities. They can draw a lot of things on the road, and play with their playmates outside.

This chalk holder will also make you join them and not worry about back pains. This can also develop their physical and writing skills while playing.

2. Books about Family and Friendship. Since they can understand most of the things happening around them during this age, you can start giving them good books to read. This can help them to acknowledge and appreciate different relationships in her life.

3. A set of Coloring Materials / Gel pens For them, these will be one of the coolest gifts ever! They will get giddy and excited about coloring, drawing, and sketching. This will help them develop their creativity and express their feelings through art.

Jo Middleton – Slummy Single Mummy

I’ve actually just bought a birthday gift for my niece – ‘Escape This Book! Titantic’

It’s a bit like a classic choose your own adventure book, which I absolutely used to love as a child, with a bit of escape room thrown in!

As well as just solving puzzles, there are interactive activities to complete like doodling and drawing elements, and it would be perfect for taking on trips or holidays as it’s so lightweight and doesn’t need any extra pieces or batteries.

I’m a sucker for a mystery myself and I love that I can nurture this same love in her.

Claire Thrifty – Thrify Parent

Our gift idea for a ten-year-old girl is SmartLab Squishy Human Body Model.

It’s not your standard ‘girls toy’ but for those girls that don’t want to be a Princess or dress like a unicorn (not that there’s anything wrong with unicorns or princesses!), this is great.

It’s fun, educational, affordable and it teaches them something (the kids’ parents will love you!).

No batteries required, this 12″ model comes with 21 removable bones and organs, that then have to be reassembled in the correct order.

It’s a terrific gift for a budding young doctor or surgeon – or just a girl that loves science, biology, and finding out how stuff works!

Evan Porter – Dad Fixes Everything

We desperately need to encourage more young girls to get involved in STEM fields. In my opinion, the best gift for a 10-year-old girl would be one that helps her learn skills like coding, engineering, or science.

I love play robots like the Wonder Workshop Dash Robot that allow kids to program their own commands and functions.

It comes ready to use right out of the box and girls can work their way up using different apps to enable basic behaviors all the way up to more advanced sequences, depending on their age and how quickly they pick up the programming language.

This robot (and others like it) are used in schools all over the country to introduce kids to science, engineering, and coding — and they work so well because they’re actually fun to play with!

This toy comes with a rechargeable internal battery so kids can use it again and again and again.

It’s an awesome first step for girls that will give them the confidence to keep pursuing STEM as they grow into middle school and beyond.

Balint Horvath – Project Father

Well, as you know, just a few days ago a historic event happened: SpaceX and NASA launched astronauts to the ISS. This is a major event that sparks the curiosity of not only many adults, but also children. It’s easy to see that almost all children are fascinated by the night sky and at some point, many of us wanted to be astronauts.

It’s a shame that at some point during a girl’s development, her attention shifts to activities that are supposed to be reserved for girls only. They play with dolls, they want to help mummy cook. That’s all nice, but what about science or engineering fields where there’s a severe lack of women?

My recommendation for a gift for a 10-year-old girl is this toy. It includes 4 women astronauts, showing girls that their dreams can become true even if they are girls. Not only boys can dream big. Needless to say, since it’s a LEGO toy, it offers other benefits, too which boosts kids’ creativity.

Leisa Papa – Little Kids Business

If you have a ten-year-old girl’s birthday on the horizon you will know that every girl is different however most have one thing in common and that is the love of creating music.

What better way to give the gift of music and enable your child to create learn along the way. Smartivity Mechanical Xylofun Music Fun – Let’s make music is one of the coolest and latest S.T.E.M toys.

Affordably priced, with learning based on a D.I.Y. kit, your child can create their very own music for every ear. This gift includes all the elements required to build a music machine, including pegs for arranging and rearranging notes.

Once assembled, children learn about music notations and can compose their own tunes by placing the pegs in different slots.

For those a little nervous, there are easy to read instructions for composing two simple tunes to allow children to explore the magical and wonderful world of music.

For Ages: 8 years and older, this gift will take approximately 90 min to build with no batteries required. With the ability to develop unlimited Analytical, Creative, Motor and Practical Skills, children will love to actually compose their own music tunes on something they made. Show and tell is going to be exciting.

Denise Lisi DeRosa – Cyber Sensible

Get Girls Tech!

More and more our lives, relationships, knowledge, education, and careers are centered around technological literacy so I say, get the girls some tech!

My suggestion is to start with video games. This may seem counter-intuitive given that much of our discussions about technology center around screen time overuse concerns and gaming addiction.

So, why am I suggesting video games? Studies have shown that girls’ interest in STEM diminishes due to the lack of digital products marketed specifically to girls.

We need to make sure that girls are provided the same on-ramps to the tech industry as boys. This starts with games that are created with girls in mind.

For 10-year-old girls, I suggest the Nintendo Switch. There are a number of games that can be played together with family or friends and several titles are geared toward girls.

In addition to popular games like Animal Crossing, Minecraft, Super Mario Party or Pokemon are titles like Just Dance, The Legend of Zelda, Gris, Spyro Reignited Trilogy, and Ori and the Blind Forest.

If we encourage girls to enjoy tech when they are young, maybe they’ll become the powerful tech leaders of tomorrow.

Mikaela Walker – Orlando Parents Magazine

The best gift for a 10-year-old girl is a Nintendo Switch Lite (my daughter will be getting one for her birthday). At this age, girls seem to have grown out of pretty much everything except electronics, so a Nintendo Switch Lite is a perfect choice, as she will still be delighted with it, but it is much cheaper than a tablet or a computer.

She will be able to take the Switch Lite in the car with her on longer car rides or on road trips. This will keep her fully occupied so that the travel time will fly by. Parents will no longer hear the dreaded words of I am bored and how much longer until we get there.

The Nintendo Switch Lite is also perfect for taking along on plane rides, as it is compact and won’t take up too much space in a carry-on. Your daughter won’t care how long your layover is or how the flight takes as she will have something to entertain her.

Claudie Pomares – Mendability

The best gift for today’s ten-year-old girl is a smartphone without a plan but with Facetime style apps.

Ten-year-olds do not yet have a clear sense of identity and they define their universe by parents’ approval and peers’ acceptance. They are not anxious to grow older and mimic the look and behaviour of adults which is still too confusing and beyond their psychological horizons.

They surrender to cravings, only exercise if their lives depend on it and are happy in their temporary cocoon.

The magic of childhood which gave life to dolls and plush toys is fading rapidly and they rarely find interest in what demands steady focus or effort.

The first feminine trait to blossom in ten-year-olds is the imperative need for unending chatter with other little girls, nose-to-nose, joy to joy, jumping from whispers to shouts in an adorable frenzie.

Little girls of today only envy one thing their older siblings possess: a phone which opens wide the wonders of timeless and location free conversations with all their best friends.

They will become egocentric teenagers soon enough. It is best to provide a phone early, at an age when they still can be taught about the safe use of the inernet.

Christina Cay – C’MON MAMA

For a 10-year-old girl, the best gift is one that gives her a sense of autonomy. Ten years old is a key age in terms of overflowing curiosity & the desire for some level of independence.

Her own digital camera is one of the best gifts you could give a 10-year-old girl! It is something she can easily learn to operate on her own, it fosters exploration, and it will enable her to share how she sees the world with others.

A digital camera is also a “nice” gift that will make her feel special & important, and a gift like that will encourage her to take care of her things. She will also learn to make sure it is charged before she intends to use it, which further teaches personal responsibility.

But the bottom line is—she’ll love it.

Bonus points if you throw in a tiny photo printer she can keep in her room & operate independently so she can print her favorite snapshots on demand. We used to decorate our walls with posters—how about decorating her wall with pictures & portraits she took herself?

We often say if only we could see the world through a child’s eyes. Let’s give them the tools to show us.

Jane Wilson – Modern Housewives

In my opinion, the perfect gift for a 10 years old girl, is an Instax Mini 9 Instant Camera. It’s a great gift because it’s cool and classical at the same time.

It’s not a digital camera, but the pictures get developed instantly, which is pretty awesome and impressive.

She can run around, make memories, and get cool images she can later on present as cards or just glue them to a notebook or anything else she likes.

These cameras also come in many nice and vivid colours, like flamingo pink or lime green. You can see the product here.

Tracy Murdock – Your Twin Mom

A camera would be a fun gift for a ten-year-old girl.

She could take photos of nature or family. She could create a collage of pictures. She could add pictures to a journal to create a story.

She could set up a photoshoot with her favorite dolls dressed up. She could create a keepsake journal of fun memories with her family that summer.

She could take pictures of animals she observes and adds them to a science journal with animal reports.

Lauren Schmitz – The Simple Homeschooler

We are actually celebrating a birthday for my oldest daughter very soon, so I have been doing a lot of gift shopping lately.

I think the best gift you can give a 10-year-old girl is lego sets. They are an incredible screen-free way to get your girl thinking, building, and creating!

There are endless options to pick from – your daughter could build a palace, a treehouse, or a rocket ship! She will be amazed at what she is capable of building by just following the step by step directions.

Once she has put her lego set together, she can display it – or more likely, take it apart and make something completely different!

She is challenging herself, learning so much, taking pride in her work, and having so much fun!

Definitely a win-win!

Dave Pedley – Your Cub

Finding good gifts for a 10-year-old girl can be challenging, it’s that in-between stage where they’re “leaving” childhood and entering the tricky pre-teen years.

They’re probably seeking more independence than usual and forming their specific tastes and styles.

Personally, I love crafting kits. These kits come in a variety of ways and you’re sure to find an option suitable for the girl you’re gifting… it’s a great activity that doesn’t involve the screen, she can get her friends involved and you have an end-product that serves as a great memory.

Dhanya – Parenting Passage

I believe that gifts for children should have an educational aspect as well as being fun. The best gifts are those that allow children to apply knowledge learned in school to real-life activities that they enjoy.

At 10 years old a child can be enrolled into a PADI Scuba Diver certification course. At school, they will be starting to learn about biology, physics, and the environment. During the course, they will cover all these subjects and put them into practical use in the water hopefully seeing Nemo at the same time!

The course has 3 parts:

– 3 Knowledge Development Sections (eLearning, independent study or in a classroom) to understand basic principles of scuba diving

– 3 Confined Water Dives to learn basic scuba skills which can be done in the pool or in swimming pool-like conditions

– 2 Open Water Dives to use the skills and knowledge to learn and explore the underwater world.

The Open Water dives can be completed on holiday in warm water within a year of passing the first 2 parts. This really is a sport that keeps families holidaying and taking breaks together for years and spans generations.

Shannon Serpette – Mom Loves Best

I’d recommend a Razor A Kick scooter for a 10-year-old girl. My daughter got so much use out of her scooter at that age. Whenever she’d want to go to a friend’s house, she’d hop on her scooter and get there faster.

You don’t need any batteries for this product, and there are several color choices. If your daughter doesn’t like pink, she can opt for other less-girly colors.

They are much more affordable than bikes, less intimidating for kids to try, and they take up far less storage room.

Also, it’s a gift that will help kids stay active and keep those unwanted pounds off. It’s a good exercise for kids, and it can help teach your child how to ride a bike when all else fails.

After a year of riding her scooter, my daughter, who had never learned how to ride a bike, hopped right on a bike and was able to ride it with no problems.

Katie Green – Green Active Family

To me, the best gift for a pre-teen girl is one that’s going to get her away from screen time and outside to enjoy sunny, active days.

To this end, I’d recommend an age-appropriate kick scooter that’s going to grow with her throughout her teen years, too. Scooters are a great gift because they can be used independently or with friends.

They’re a good option for encouraging an active lifestyle on days when friends aren’t around to hang out. She’ll also be able to scoot with friends, either by sharing her own scooter or with friends who have their own.

Scooters are also super practical for getting to and from school and after school activities – doubly so for parents who might be concerned about germs spreading via a school bus. Just double-check your school’s policy before bringing the scooter for the first time.

When shopping for a scooter for a 10-year-old-girl, look for a model that’s going to last a few years, at minimum. Most pre-teen and teen scooters will be suitable, in terms of weight and height, so look for something with good reviews in relation to the price point.

Personally, I like Lascoota’s teen scooter. Despite the name, it’s suitable from ages 8 and up. The handlebar is height adjustable, so this scooter should last well into her teen years.

Joel Flynn – Gentleman Zone

Girls are very tricky at this age. Dolls and construction playsets won’t work on your typical 10-year old.

In their heads, they see themselves as “almost teens” and you just can’t argue with their logic.

If the kid is into sports, your best bet is going to be a skateboard or bicycle.

If she is on the artistic side, a secret diary or a fancy fashion coloring book is the way to go.

Also, a pet is always a good alternative – there isn’t a kid on this planet that won’t be happy with a hamster.

Whatever you do, DO NOT buy her a stuffed animal – you won’t hear the end of it.

Scarlet Paolicchi – Family Focus Blog

I would say that the best gift for a ten-year-old is one that encourages her interests. This lets her know that you pay attention to what interests her and that you value her thoughts and feelings.

So if you notice she is quite the reader, some nicely bound copies of books in the genre she enjoys would be perfect.

If you notice she is a writer, a pretty journal and some fancy calligraphy pens may be just the ticket.

If you have a budding scientist on your hands, a telescope, chemistry kit, or crystal making kit may be perfect for her.

If you don’t know the girl well enough to know her interests, I would suggest a craft kit a great all-purpose gift. Crafts are great for encouraging creativity and can be personalized by the girl to suit her style.

They also involve a lot of elements that are great for children, following directions, often learning new skills, problem-solving, and more.

There are all kinds of fun craft kits available or you could even create your own if you have a particular ability you’d like to share such as jewelry making, crocheting, etc. A craft gift is a great experience gift that they then get to keep as decoration.

Pinky McKay

I bought my granddaughter a sewing machine for her 10th birthday, she had been sewing with me when she visited, asking to sew every time she stayed overnight.

She had started making dolls clothes, scrunchies, a reusable bag and a baby carrier for her dolls, we have drafted patterns together, she has learned how to create and follow a pattern, use various seams eg french seams when she made her doll’s pants.

A sewing machine is a vehicle to encourage creativity, confidence, self-sufficiency, and self-esteem as the ten-year-old learns useful, practical life skills.

Erum Zehra – Muslim Moms

I recommend these card games as gifts for ten-year-old girls.

Mad Dragon: An Anger Control Card Game

Young children often have trouble understanding their feelings and emotions and what causes them. This makes it harder for parents to understand and deal with them as well. These card games help children understand emotions, express them and communicate them while playing a game with their parents.

This results in a therapeutic experience for both the parent and the child and they are able to understand each other better and communicate better.

Helen Wills – Actually Mummy

I would say every 10-year-old girl loves glitter! And as girls around this age are starting to become interested in making their own fashion statements, experimenting with face glitter and gems is a wonderful way to let them unleash their creativity.

These Gypsy Shrine face jewels are fun for tween girls who want to dress up for a party, or for creating ‘looks’ on a sleepover. They can go for the full face or hair-parting glitter look, or just use a crystal teardrop for a bit of dazzle. They stick really well and come off with normal makeup remover.

I don’t think parents should be worried about their daughters experimenting with makeup at this age either.

My own daughter became very interested in makeup techniques from YouTube tutorials and started appearing with beautiful eye makeup that was totally beyond her years.

I worried for a long time, but eventually, she stopped, and now at 15 goes for a very natural look.

My point is, it’s just creativity – basically colouring and craft for older girls! Let them enjoy creating fun looks for parties with glitter and gems, and they will love you for it.

Samantha Radford – Evidence-based Mommy

My daughter loves figures from the Schleich Bayala set. These beautifully crafted figurines include elves, unicorns, mermaids… everything from a little girl’s fantasy world! These realistic toys contain a lot of detail, making them super fun to play with.

The Glittering Flower House (with a stable for the horses) comes with a tiny kitchen, a dining area, and more. In addition, you can buy several separately sold unicorns, elves, and dragons to build a whole universe.

The best part about the Bayala set is how it inspires imaginative play. I love listening to the adventures my daughters come up with while playing with their unicorns and fairies. The girls have the fairies cook, ride their unicorns (each fairy and unicorn pair have magnets to make sure they stay together during play).

Schleich toys are beautifully made. My daughter knows that these figures are special toys and takes care of them.

And if your daughter isn’t into unicorns and fantasy, Schleich also offers other playsets – including all sorts of animals, dinosaurs, horse stable sets… There are a lot of options out of this company.

In a world where most toys are electronic and we’re pushing kids to grow up faster and faster, I love that these toys don’t require batteries, just creativity. They’re a great way to get your kids playing and actually enjoying childhood.

Christopher Byrne – The Toy Guy

Tie-Dye is back in a big way. Major designers like Prada and Burberry have been showing the treatment on the runway.

It was featured in a huge Project Runway episode earlier this year.

10-Year-Old girls are aware of fashion in the larger culture, and, of course, want to be cool.

Highly recommended for the opportunity for creativity and self-expression, plus the fun of wearing (or sharing) something you made yourself.

Plus, this combines creativity, fashion, sharing, and social play (Probably just within the family for now.)

This is very easy to use. Tie up the fabric (like a t-shirt up to a Men’s L) put it in the spherical container. Mix up the dyes. Turn the crank, and squirt in the dyes from the one-direction openings, which means NO MESS.

Easy to rinse, wash, wear, and share.

You can make multiple designs with the materials provided, and the instructions show kids how to tie up their fabrics for optimal results.

Plus, it’s a great value at $19.99.

The only drawback: It’s selling out as fast as they can get it in stock! Truly one of the hottest toys for the first half of the year.

Oh, and boys can play, too!

Available at Target, Walmart, and Amazon.

The post Expert roundup appeared first on Parent Center Network.

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[95liners3rdmember]

Worth It

Chapter Ten: What now? (Part 1)

Word Count: 3568

Chapter Nine: Thank you

My heart pounds as I look down the dark hallway in front of me. Sweat drenched my skin from the endless running. Voices fill the void around me as I shuffle in the darkness looking for a way out. My hands reach forward and I grab onto a doorknob. Turning slowly, the room lights up slowly as I peek inside.

“She will never make anything of herself doing this stupid dance career.”

“She should’ve just stayed in school and at home for that matter.”

Tears well in my eyes as I open the door fully and I’m transported back to my grandmother’s kitchen. Looking around I suck in a harsh breath and look at the man in front of me. The anger in his eyes make me want to cower and run. But instead my body freezes.

“No daughter of mine is moving halfway around the world just for some dance gig.” The venom in his voice shakes me from my frozen state and I work up the courage to push past him. Grabbing onto my carryon, I turn just enough to look him in the eyes.

“I haven’t been your daughter for a long time.” Turning on my heels I reach for the doorknob, stepping over the threshold I pause when I hear him speak again.

“You’ll fail, that boy band will fail and you’ll be begging to come home.” Not even offering him a response I slam the door shut behind me with more force than I ever thought possible. I’ll show him.

Shooting up in my bed, I’m covered in sweat and panting for breath. Anger is boiling my blood as I look over at the clock. It’s barely 5 in the morning and I’m already done with today. If my dream is any indication of how this phone call is going to go then I’m ready for it to be tomorrow already. Looking around the room I noticed Natalie sleeping peacefully next to me, her headphones peeking through from under her hair. Good she didn’t hear me.

Might as well get up and start my day, reaching for my phone I shuffle into the bathroom. Carefully I shut the door and turn on the light, my sight is blurry but even through that I can tell that I look exhausted. Deciding to switch the contacts for my glasses I get a better look. There’s a cold sweat covering my skin and I’m blotchy. If I don’t put on some type of makeup Natalie and the stylists are going to be all over me. Or worse, the boys.

Throwing my hair into a messy bun, I sneak out of both rooms into the safety of my kitchen. My first stop is to make a nice big cup of coffee, it’s going to be my lifeline today. Before I know it a large, hot cup of coffee is nestled into my hands. Times like this back at home I’d go outside and sit on the porch to just enjoy the quietness. My next best option is the patio. Snatching a thick blanket off of the couch I settle into one of my chairs, wrapped in the blanket and coffee in hand.

The sun has started to peak through yet the city is quiet, for once. Steam from the cup warms my face as I drink the hot liquid, the burning is welcomed as I relax into my chair. Sitting the cup down I unlock my phone just so soft music can serenade me, my own relaxing method.

But I can’t help but think back to the day I left, to think of the words my ‘father’ and ‘friends’ said to me. Friendships were cut off because they thought I was making a complete fool of myself for moving to another country, that I was wasting my life chasing music and dance. The day I told them I was leaving they all basically said to lose their numbers in a more polite way.

My father on the other hand… we’ve had a rocky relationship since I was in middle school. At first it was the typical preteen and teenage issues, not wanting to go to family functions or doing chores. But the moment he told me I was going to have to quit dance I moved in with my grandmother. Ever since then we’ve barely been on speaking terms. His wife doesn’t make things any better either. I guess that comes with the territory of step parents, they want to be treated like the parent even though it would never happen.

I think the toughest this is that I remember how he used to be with mom. Nikole and Natalie aren’t old enough to remember how he was before meeting Karen. Mom had all three of us within a year of each other which I thought was completely crazy. Maybe that’s why she had so many problems after Natalie.

Slumping into my chair I hear my phone buzz and I slowly reach for the device. It’s another text from my father reminding me to call him soon. I guess he doesn’t realize the time difference. I’ll just give a call from the photo shoot set, he can wait a few more hours.

“You’re up early…” Natalie’s voice is thick with sleep as she manuavers her way into the chair beside me. Her blonde hair is sticking up in every which way as she’s wrapped like a burrito in a pink blanket. From here I can see that her eyes are puffy and lips are puffy from just waking up. Natalie must’ve stayed out late last night with Jungkook and knowing him he’s not faring  better.

“Yeah ...I just have a lot on my mind.” It’s not a complete lie but it’s far from the truth. If Natalie knew that our father texted me last night she would lose it. Out of the three of us, Natalie has always been the one to flat out stand up to our father. I don’t have the energy to do it and Nikole has a someone friendly relationship with him, not quite hatefully and not quite father/daughter either. Nikole keeps in frequent contact but nothing too personal.

“I need to start getting ready soon.”

“So do I. Apparently Bang PD wants me on set today for some reason.” I’m still trying to understand why he wants me to tag along. I’m just going to be sitting around in the way while they are trying to work. Natalie’s eyes widen a little as she reaches for my coffee cup with a smug look. The cup covers half of her face but I can see the slight wiggle of her brows. She’s certainly gotten more smug since I left home, must be from hanging around Nikole all of the time.

“If you’ve got something to say, then say it Natalie.” Reaching out, I snatch my coffee back and chug the remaining luke warm substance. Now the real question is if she will say anything, Natalie has a really bad habit of making side comments but not going further with them.

“It’s nothing. Look at the time, it’s shower time.” She glances down at her phone and wiggles her way back into the apartment. The sound of car horns and engines snap my attention back out to the city around me. Looks like it’s time for me to join the chaos.

After spending what felt like a lifetime getting ready, of course Natalie dressed me again, we had to meet with everyone at the company before driving over to the set, Natalie was too excited to wait for me and she just rode in with the stylists. My ride over was spent contemplating when to call my father. But the moment I walked into the large building all of those thoughts went to the wind. I never thought that their photoshoots were this...eccentric. There’s seven separate stations set up for each member to be styled. Natalie is working with the eldest stylist, that way she’s able to see the years of experience in action.

They still have a few hours to finish getting ready before shooting begins, this is my chance to call my father. My stomach churns as I walk into an empty section of the building. With shaky hands I click on his name and press speaker, the phone feels heavier with each ring. Maybe I’ll get lucky and he won’t answer.

“About time you called.” My luck just ran out. With a silent sigh, I lean against the wall and look out at everyone else. Clearing my throat I clear my brain so I can focus on not speak Korean to my father, that’s the last thing I need right now.

“Sorry, I’ve been busy all day with work.” My tone matches his, uninterested and uncaring. Even through the phone he sounds so cold towards me.

“You better be taking care of you sister.”

“I always take care of her.” Does he really think that I’d let Natalie do something that would hurt her? I mean seriously, I've been more of a parent to her than he has.

“I heard from Nikole that you’ll be home some time next year with that boy band.”

My blood boils in my veins, he’s such an ass for no reason. Turning my back to everyone I start walking in circles, my anxiety rising to the roof. I’m going to need a drink after this.

“I’ll be in town with BTS for work. It’s not like I’ll be home to visit.” I make sure that the annoyance is clear in my voice. Honestly I didn’t really plan on going to visit while I was home, instead I was going to have them come to me. I already planned on buying them tickets to come to the show and possibly get backstage passes for the sound check.

“Nikole also told me that you are going to get her, Natalie and your grandmother tickets for the concert. I don’t know whether I should be upset or grateful that you didn’t offer to get your father and mother any.”

Something inside of me snaps as I let out a huff of annoyance, I knew that this phone call was going to be a train wreck but nothing compares to this. Storming off to the empty break room, I drop my phone down on the table as I pace back and forth with my anger rising with each second.

“She’s not my mother. My mother passed away years ago. And I didn’t get you or your wife tickets because I knew that you didn’t want to come. As a matter of fact I don’t want you there.” The words come spitting out of my mouth with pure anger. Ever since that woman got her claws into my fathers he’s turned into such an ass.

“Watch your tone. Karen has been there for me. Speaking of having someone there for you, has Robert tried to reach you? I talked to him the other day, he said he was missing his girl.”

He doesn’t skin a beat and I freeze, it’s like I saw a ghost. The color drains from my face and my blood runs cold.  Every hair in my neck stands tall and I can physically feel myself shrink smaller. Why in the fucking world would he bring Robert up at a time like this? The last person on this planet I want to be near is that bastard.

“Even if he did, I would NEVER answer him. I can’t believe you still talk to him after what he did to me, but then again you’ve always had a soft spot for him.” My accent starts to thicken up as I start to get angerier. The attitude I’ve tried so desperate to hide peeking through, the bad habits from hanging around the wrong people I thought I had broken are resurfacing and it’s pissing me off. This conversation just went from bad to worse, the only question is where else can it go.

“He’s like my son, I just had dinner with him and we started talking about you. He kept calling you his girl. You should’ve just stayed here with him. Maybe he could make an honest woman out of you instead of some girl that’s out there working with seven men. Lord only knows what you’re doing with them.”

Turning in a circle while pulling at my hair, of course he would call him his son. In my father's eyes Robert can do no wrong. I pause in my tracks as I see eight people standing behind me, all seven members look confused and my sister looks mad as hell. Namjoon’s eyes turn dark as he stares down at the device on the table, processing what’s just been said. Namjoon places a hand on my sister’s shoulder so she won’t lunge for the phone. In hushed whispers Namjoon quickly translates the words to catch them up, all of their brows furrow and their presence change. The air around us is thick with tension, a tension they don’t need right now since they have work to do. Holding my hand up to them, I turn back to the phone.This train wreck has now been derailed and lit on fire.

“First of all, I’m NOT his girl. Not now and not ever again. Second, I work for and with BTS. By no means am I doing anything unprofessional with them. So you might want to check your facts. Third, this is the reason why I didn’t want to invite you to the concert. Because by any chance I manage to get Nana, Nat and Nikole backstage I would never want you there. You’d mak-” I cut off mid sentence as Namjoon leans into my ear, whispering softly in Korean so my father couldn’t understand.

“Invite him.” What the...has Namjoon lost every IQ point he owns. Shaking my head no, he only insist to keep inviting him. Absolutely not. Namjoon clearly knows what my father is insinuating, I mean after all he knows more about this conversation than the others since he’s one of the two in the room that know who Robert is and why I don’t want to speak to him.

“Hello Mr. Y/l/n, I’m Namjoon. We would love to meet you when we come into town. I can get it arranged through y/n to get tickets and passes sent to everyone.”

Namjoon’s tone may seem nice and sincere but his eyes tell a different story. There’s a plan forming in his mind, anger and annoyance ever present on his face. Namjoon has never had a good feeling about Robert, which of course turned out to be justifiable. Which is not a good combination for someone like Kim Namjoon. Also I never, ever, EVER wanted them to meet my father. He’s a complete prick and stuck up.

“Seems like someone has some sense around there, thank you. We will need three more passes on top of the three my daughter was originally going to get.”

“Consider it done, now if you’ll excuse us we have some work to do.”

“Goodbye y/n.”

“Bye.”

The smugness in his voice makes me curse out loud as I end the call. Namjoon just let my father win. Now I have to worry about the members meeting my father, his wife and Robert…

My heart continues to beat out of my chest for multiple reasons. One, I can’t believe he brought up my ass of an ex. Two, one of those passes are going to be for said ex and that’s where I will lose my mind. Knowing how Robert is he’s going to do or say something to set one of the seven members off. Being polite is not one of his strong suits. Third, I can’t believe my father actually accused me of doing something with the members like I’m some groupie. I knew, deep down, I knew that I shouldn’t have called him, or even read his message last night. All he ever brings me now is trouble.

I’m so angry that tears start to form in my eyes, my fists curling up into tight balls with my knuckles turning white. My gaze is locked on the floor as it blurs out, tears streaming down my face. If this week wasn’t already stressful enough, that phone call just added three years worth of stress on top of it.

“Y/n…”

Waving off the voice, I sniffle as I wipe my face with the back of my hand, “Go back to work. I need a minute.”

The room stays quiet as I sniffle again. No one has moved a muscle, they’re even keeping their breathing to a minimum to keep the peace.

“Please, go.” My voice cracks as I gather enough energy to turn back to the table. My body struggling to contain a sob, my anger slowly fading and being replaced with sorrow and pain. Sorrow because I knew that a good thing like this wouldn’t last forever. And the pain is from previous years. Pain from the years I spent caring what those two men said about me.

One by one it seems they all leave and when the door finally shuts, I let out the body shaking sob. Tears continue to trail down my face, no doubt causing my mascara to smear. Wiping my face with the cuff of my hoodie, I hear footsteps coming towards me and I whip around. My eyes widen to find Jimin standing in front of me, his face expressionless and emotionless. Every fiber of my body wants comfort, reassurance. To know that it’s going to be okay. For once I’m going to break my own personal rules and look for comfort in Jimin.

My body reacts on its own as I find myself becoming tangled with Jimin. His chin propped on top of my head as a hand traces small circles against my back. My nose picks up on a hint of peaches, a smell I wouldn’t associate with Jimin, as I bury my face into his chest. Good thing he hasn’t changed out of his plain black t-shirt yet because my makeup would’ve ruined anything nice.

Slowly the sobs seize, taking in a deep breath I back away and wipe my eyes again. No doubt I look completely insane right now. I took Sejin’s words to heart, dressing in an oversized navy sweater with leggings and my hair thrown up into a messy but cute bun. By now I look like someone who’s just finished having a breakdown, which is almost accurate.

Slowly, my sight clears and I find myself looking for courage to meet eyes with Jimin. I figured Namjoon or Natalie would’ve stayed behind, but I’ve been wrong plenty of times. Okay, I can do this. I have to do this, after all Jimin has a shoot to do today and the last thing he needs is to be stuck with me. My heart hammers in my chest as I slowly bring my gaze up to his face and I feel some of my anxiety vanish. A gentle smile greets me, his eyes look softer than earlier too.

“Thank you.” My voice sounds strained after the crying session. Normally I would feel better but honestly I just want to go home and curl into a ball on the couch. Maybe I could leave and head home after lunch, call it an early day. Or even say that I was feeling sick.

“Does your father really talk to you like that?” His voice is soft but I can hear the annoyance and concern. I can understand why they say Jimin is scariest when he’s mad. This is a side I definitely never want to be on.

“Yeah...well it’s complicated. You should go get ready, I’ll be fine now.” Backing away I turn to pick up my phone, sniffling away the last of my tears.

“But your his daughter, he shouldn’t talk to you like that.” I don’t expect Jimin to understand, he has a fantastic relationship with his parents. We all don’t get that lucky. Sighing, I feel my body start to get heavier as I slide my phone into the side pocket of my leggings.

“It’s not so black and white when it comes to my father and I. Maybe one day I’ll tell you all about it but for now you need to get out there and get ready.” Turning on my heels, I plaster a fake smile on my face as I start to show Jimin to the door. The last thing I need right now is to get him in trouble with anyone for being late. He fights against me as we get closer to the door and I feel the final straw inside of me snap.

“Jimin, please don’t fight me right now. If this really bothers you so much then come by my apartment tonight. I promise I’ll tell you the whole story.” I’ve given up, this is something I haven’t talked to Namjoon about. But at this point I don’t have enough fight left in me.

“Deal. I’ll see you tonight.” With his words, Jimin walks out the door and I’m left in an empty room. Fuck...what am I going to do now?

[thoughtsofthee]

Healing in Stages

I hadn’t really registered this possibility until recently, thanks to a good friend of mine. Even so, I battle with the idea that I’m not done with that chapter. Or, as it seems, this is a different stage of that chapter. A “To be continued” I hadn’t anticipated. This all probably makes no sense, not even to me right now so I’ll add some context.

I once suffered from Major Deppresive Disorder, Sever Anxiety, and PTSD. — why I capitalized is because they are or were as serious as they look when written as such. Once having a serious mental breakdown, due to an unexpected panic attack because of an unveil that occurred which I didn’t understand at the moment but that’s a whole other dimension to get into— literary. Point is, all these things I was battling and not quite getting the right help for just kept accumulating until I exploded...

But then He found me. Jesus saved me from the most horrid of experiences I’d ever had to witness. Then came forgiveness, of self, of others, then peace, and love, and a deeper understanding as to why. I was healed. Goodbye anxiety, goodbye depression, goodbye PTSD.

In fact, just recently I went to a faith gathering and I was filled with such joy— an unbelievably, unexplainable joy. I was laughing while crying— like God was right there and we’d finally made it to Heaven and eternal abundance of life. It was perfect.

So what happened? I was triggered in the most subtle way and I hadn’t known the cause of this sudden outburst until about yesterday. I work in a male dominated field, that which I was most likely unable to do during my diagnosis a few years back of course. My PTSD was due to some childhood trauma involving sexual harassment and molestation— but I was healed! So working around the male type NOW was no longer a problem— until someone decided to cross a line.

I’ve been working there for a year now, & I recall this same person —who crossed a line that has now sent me on this swirl of sinking sand— had attempted to hit on me months ago. Via text, he tried hinting at the fact that he was single. Umm, yeah. Awkward. Not to mention he’s between 40-50 years old. Anyway, that didn’t affect me much but last week there was this Holiday Breakfast the company had prepared for everyone. It was a really cold morning and so everyone was told to go upstairs to this big conference room to partake in technician fellowship so to speak. Walking the halls, right before the entrance to the conference room, I saw my supervisor was there with the person, having a conversation about something silly that had happened. I didn’t want to interrupt their conversation so I just kinda stood near by waiting to greet them. I’d finally said hi to my supervisor, then this dude, much taller and bigger than me decides it’s okay to hug me and lift me up!! It all happened so fast and so unexpectedly, I didn’t have the proper time to process or react afterwards. I kind of just awkwardly walked away.

I realized however, that being in that room surrounded by men had suddenly made me anxious. After I got my plate of breakfast, I felt my leg tapping. You know, that anxious shake your leg does when you’re — well, anxious. I noticed it physically, but my mind hadn’t registered what was happening or why. I remember telling myself, “Why are you anxious?, you’re okay” and I said the name of Jesus a few times and the shaking stopped. I had initially blamed it on the coffee I had just an hour ago that morning. The very next day however, this individual approaches where my supervisor and I were greeting one another before beginning the day, and so as a means for boundaries I extended my hand for a simple handshake... This man does the most childish, yet perverse thing anyone could do at that moment.

I don’t know where you’re from, but if you grew up in the hood as a teenager or maybe even preteen. There was this thing boys used to do tell you they wanted to have sex with you. Whether they did it jokingly or intentionally. — He shook my hand, and with his finger rubbed on my palm. It may seem stupid, which it was, but I felt so uncomfortable and so violated. It was so unnecessary and so disrespectful— but yet again, it happened so unexpectedly and I didn’t or couldn’t react. I’m not the kind of outspoken person to come off rude or embarrass someone publicly. I just walked away. And I’ve been spiraling down ever since, along with everything else I’m currently fighting within my mind.

Yesterday after work my supervisor said he wanted to talk to me about something. We went into an unoccupied office and he brought up the hugging/lifting incident that had happened the morning of the company breakfast. He said he wanted to make things clear, in case anyone said anything, he had taken initiative and confronted dude about his actions and how unacceptable it was even if we were like the best of friends— which we’re not.

I told him how awkward and uncomfortable that was for me and how I am not confrontational to get upset and go off on him and seem psycho or anything so I just walked away. I really appreciate my supervisor for looking out. He really has no idea about anything regarding my past and how difficult that simple incident has made life for me recently. I didn’t tell him about the handshake. I don’t want anyone to get fired over something so dumb. I’ll just keep my distance, although now I have to figure out how to break this curse again. Lately I feel suffocated, like I can’t breathe and on the brink of having a panic attack whenever I’m surrounded by too many men. Lord, help me.

So stages...

I had read somewhere about PTSD and how it’s not entirely curable. It’s manageable. Although this may be true, clearly in my obvious case, I know I serve a God who can do anything. As I had written in my first post, “there is a purpose in the drowning”. He would not allow this if it didn’t have purpose. Gotta take this test, and school exams ain’t got nothing on these life exams God be refining you through...

It’s not easy, but I don’t wanna give up. I was wondering however if maybe I could take a leave of absence... get away to clear my mind or something.

[moddisms]

Wilson, Mara. “‘Worse Things’: Sandy and Rizzo and Me.” Blog. The Toast, May 3, 2016. http://the-toast.net/2016/05/03/grease-sandy-and-rizzo-and-me/.

(Times New Roman, size 12, double spaced.) Finding this article was an adventure in coming across something deeply sensitive in a bizarre context.  I found this blog post after exploring Autostraddle, a website for queer and feminist narratives (of which I belong to both), and finding a post talking about “all the gays loving Grease”.  I am an Incorrect Gay because I have never watched Grease.  The mass impromptu studying of Grease during my five-hour shift at work last night may, however, have changed my desire from “none” to “obligatory”.  

I also found another fantastic article on Thursday – reviewing Assasin’s Creed, a game that has completely infatuated me within the past few weeks.  So much so, that I almost chose a night of PS4 over obsessively going to the gym (EDNOS being one of my fond trauma coping mechanisms).  Assassins Creed and the wonderfully funny review of it will get a blog post of its very own in time (right, Michaela?) but for now I want to focus on “Worse Things”.

First:  the author of this blog post is of deep, personal significance.  Mara Wilson is the child star actor from Matilda, and one of the few child actors that can have the title of having grown up mostly alright (as far as the forward presentation can tell).  Little Matilda and Little Michaela have lots in common.  From being a bit weird, hyper-intelligent and self-ostracising to having the same haircut and big brown doe eyes.  She leans on the “cute” side of such accessories while I comfortably sit closer to “Holy Fuck, is that a child or a frog?”.

I only thought to google the author’s name after finishing her beautiful essay, in the hopes to find more of her writing.  Fortunately for me, I believe that Mara Wilson has continued to write, though less-so in the easily accessible world of online essays and more in the realm of “pay money to read this” books.  That is ok. I would happily give her my money if and when I have any.

“I was nine when I first saw Grease, and I had no idea why I hadn’t seen it sooner. Not only were musicals my favourite kind of movie, this was a musical about teenagers. Maybe it was all the grown-ups telling me I’d “grow out of” everything that caused me grief as a preteen (anxiety attacks, earaches, my potbelly — none of which I ever did grow out of) or seeing all the cool things my three teenage brothers got to do, but I wanted desperately to be a teenager. I wanted to believe Grease was an accurate portrayal of what it was to be a teen.” (Mara Wilson, Worse Things) When I was a child, I did not have any interest in being a teenager.  It looked shitty.  I was right.  It was shitty.   However, by the time sixteen-seventeen rolled around, I was being bathed in all of the “Teenagerisms” you could imagine.  I was living as per Katy Perry’s lyrics the Teenage Dream.  I was going out into the night, drinking cider, skinny dipping in the ocean.  I was kissing a handsome boy.  We swept the girl-crushes under the rug for a little while longer; they had no place, yet.  

While trauma has mitigated much of the joy of those years, I do not deny that they were aesthetically stunning.  A bunch of young almost-adults, set at night time on a sub-tropical island, diving off a pier without an adult in sight.  Kissing, laughing, being young and daring and stupid.  The somewhat real threat of stepping onto a manta ray or disturbing a shark adding to the chaos thrumming in our collective hearts.  There are still a million pictures in my mind, waiting for me to draw them.   

People have written films, poems and books trying to get close to encapsulating what it feels to have these quintessentially “teenage liberty” moments.   Much of being young 20s has been making peace with the fact that, in the context of my life, those moments are for the most part over because I have responsibilities now and my hormones are more distant relatives than constant gremlins.  I don’t go out all night because I have pets and flatmates to leave behind worrying.  I had pets and parents to think about when I was a teenager too, but my teenager status made me an asshole.

In spite of the difference of experience, I deeply understand Mara’s perspective of finding a literary work and idolising the message of what it says a “teenager” is.  So much (problematically adult-written literature) is concerned with illustrating that.  I hope that I am still close enough to the whispers of teenagerdome that I can appropriately tell my teenaged story.  I hope I can offer another narrative of what it was – but maybe an uglier one.

     Why does Mara Wilson’s essay affect me so deeply?

She talks about seeing herself within Rizzo, the aggressive leader of the female-gang within Grease.  Mara also identifies that Sandy, the sweetheart who turns bad to “get the guy” is her least favourite character – the reason being that she sees herself within Sandy, too.  

It is not the content of the essay (Grease) that affects me so deeply.  It is Mara’s voice.  She time and time again makes it clear that this essay is about her engagement with Grease, not what has been interpreted en-masse. 

“They’re never sure what they loved about it in the first place. I don’t know why they loved it. I only know why I loved it.“   

  As a reader, I am also a deep fan of embedded quotes.  Not the little ones that run seamlessly along the lines of an essay, as per my NCEA instructions, but the blocks of thought or feeling that the author then spends two paragraphs unpacking.  

I love that stuff.  

I love personal interpretation.  

I think it is calming and refreshing to me to see people unafraid of their engagement to something, in a social climate where we are just recovering from the era of feeling like we needed to “not give a shit” to be accepted.  It was easier to control us when that was how we felt.

(To see this as God intended, please https://docs.google.com/document/d/1xkrwYQMIynDpiT6d_sOHpVHh8H8AsbG8hvWJsZQSaJA/edit?usp=sharing.  Here we have sexy Times New Roman)

[joecasualnerd]

Number 6: Alone Together

It feels good to be back on schedule, even though I technically was only late for one day. I was at a good run doing these on time, so doing one late was actually a bit sad for me personally.

I am back to doing these at my usual time though, and we are getting much closer to the vaunted top 5, which is a prestigious honor to only me because this is my list and my opinion.

Before we get into the top five, we need to talk about number six, which is a great episode in its own right, but only just missed making the top five.

Welcome back to the 25 Days of Stevenmas (name pending) where today I’ll be talking about Season One Episode Thirty-Seven, Alone Together.

Premise

The episode begins, not as a continuation of last episode which must be refreshing to some, but it does begin with the Gems giving Steven some fusion training.

He tries to dance like them, but that doesn’t seem to work. Steven laments on how he can’t fuse, and Pearl brings up the possibility that it is because he is half human.

Amethyst jokingly says that Steven can fuse, while Garnet has the fullest confidence that he can, which has Steven worried.

Later that day, Steven is at the beach with Connie and the two are discussing how Steven could get the hang of fusion. Connie suggests that the Gems write out the steps, but Steven says that it’s more than the dancing, making the point that his body probably can’t become light like the Gems.

Connie remarks on how she thinks that it’s amazing that Steven could dance with the Gems at all, saying that she has always wanted to go to a dance, but was scared that everyone would be staring at her.

Steven says that no one is staring right now, Steven obviously staring, and Connie makes this point as well. Steven, having inherited his father’s abilities of being smooth like butter, takes out his phone, plays a song, covers his eyes with his arm, holds out his hand, and asks Connie to dance with him.

The two then begin dancing with each other, each blushing but having a good time nonetheless. Steven slips, but Connie catches him like she was dipping him and the two laugh while being enveloped by a pink glow.

In the two kids place, there is an older looking person, with the features of both Steven and Connie.

The two have fused, and they are elated and immediately go to tell the Gems.

All three Gems are surprised that Steven and Connie fused, with Pearl thinking it’s unusual, Amethyst thinking it’s awesome and comes up with the name Stevonnie for the fusion, while Garnet looks giddy.

Pearl suggest that the two unfuse, and Stevonnie makes the point that the Gems were trying to teach Steven how to fuse, and that they thought that the Gems would be proud of him.

Pearl, very unsure of how to deal with the situation, asks Garnet for assistance. Garnet then gives the advice that Stevonnie is no longer two people, or one person, but rather an experience. She then says that Stevonnie should make it a good experience, and Garnet tells them to go have fun.

And Stevonnie goes up for that, running around, cliff diving into the water, and overall having a good time. Their stomach rumbles and they decide to go to the Big Donut, where Lars and Sadie are immediately smitten with them.

When Stevonnie tries to pay for their two donuts, Sadie says that they are on the house, and Stevonnie remarks that it isn’t a good business practice in doing things like that.

Stevonnie finds a bench and is happy to share the two donuts with…themselves. The realization that Stevonnie isn’t just Steven and Conie hanging out seems to dawn on them, and there is a short conversation that goes on that is one part of the fusion, presumably Steven, asking Connie if she is ok, and that they can stop if she wants, but Connie says that it’s fine.

Stevonnie begins to eat their donuts when they are approached by Sour Cream, who is also smitten, who invites Stevonnie to go a rave that he is DJ-ing, and Stevonnie accepts.

When they arrive at the rave, it seems to be small affair with a few people around, including a guy who doesn’t look like he’s having fun. I don’t blame him since he is next to Ronaldo.

Stevonnie takes to the dance floor and proceeds to murder everyone with their amazing dance skills. When they are finished dancing, they realize that they are being stared at, which ignites Connie’s original fear which was set up earlier.

Stevonnie has a panic attack, and is approached by the guy from earlier, Kevin. Kevin dances to get Stevonnie’s attention, but Stevonnie runs away to get some space.

Stevonnie remarks that they wish that they could be separate and together, but in the fusion they are together, but alone in a way.

Kevin comes back, affirming his status as a scumbag by continuing to try and get Stevonnie to dance even though they said no multiple times and calling the other people at the rave garbage people.

Stevonnie angrily relents, dragging Kevin to the dance floor and dances violently, freaking Kevin out a bit, and then finally defusing back into Steven and Connie.

Kevin remarks how Stevonnie was two kids and bails, while Steven and Connie look at each other and start laughing.

While Sour Cream throws glowsticks everywhere, no idea what’s going on probably, Steven and Connie start dancing, ending the episode.

Discussion

Ohhh boy, this episode can be some tricky territory to deal with.

Let’s start with the easiest thing, and that’s the metaphor for puberty.

Stevonnie, while primarily using they/them pronouns, is seen by several characters as being coded female, and this is the perspective of a straight male talking here, so no complaining.

The way that Stevonnie acts is very much akin to how most teenagers, regardless of gender, feels when going through puberty. Your body changes, people seem to look at you different, and there are some people that approach you that you are not entirely comfortable with.

There are times when you can rock the scene, like when Stevonnie was at the Big Donut. Stevonnie was very clearly confident in themselves, giving a pretty confident remark about how giving free donuts is a bad business practice. It could be that Connie borrowed some of Steven’s boundless confidence to do something that she has always wanted to do.

However there are other times when you can break down because when you get older, anxiety hits you like a freight train filled with tons of bricks, like the panic attack at the rave.

It is a very awkward time in everyone’s lives and one that most people wouldn’t want to reexperience, I would think, but it is one that pretty much anyone who has gone through puberty can expect and relate to.

This aspect is one that isn’t seen often in television, let alone an animated program that is primarily aimed towards children. I can respect the creators in taking that approach to Stevonnie.

Another thing that I must give major props for is the importance of consent.

There were two scenes that showed this, the scene with the donuts and the whole Kevin scene.

The way I interpret the donut scene is Steven asking Connie if she was comfortable being a fusion, to which Connie replies that she is. Fusion, again while not technically being sex, is still a very intimate thing for anyone.

Combining your entire being with another being is something that no human had experienced before, and the fact that Steven can do it and did it with his best friend/potential love interest can be an allusion to two young teens going out on their first real date.

It is fun at first, but when things get more intimate, Steven, being the very considerate person that he is, can tell that Connie isn’t completely comfortable with the situation and gives Connie the opportunity to stop.

Connie, while enjoying being with Steven as a fusion and pushes on with it, would much rather be with Steven while they are separated, and honestly, I can’t blame Connie.

Trusting someone with literally everything that you are is a huge deal, and these two are still preteens (technically), so they don’t really understand all the things that they are feeling.

I know I didn’t when I was their age.

Steven throughout the entirety was considerate of Connie’s feelings, but you know who wasn’t?

Kevin.

The exchange between Kevin shows the darker side of growing up, that there are assholes out there who only see beautiful people as a conquest, or a way to show off to others. They aren’t considerate to how the other person feels, and this was clearly shown when Stevonnie refused Kevin’s invitation to dance several times, and he persisted.

Kevin was immediately vilified because he wasn’t being respectful to Stevonnie having a panic attack, which by the way was a very wonderful bit of visual storytelling, showing how it feels to have a panic attack, kudos.

More kudos should also go a pair of people I haven’t mention, Aivi and Surrashu, the musical duo behind the music for the show.

The track “Alone Together” is one of my favorites in the entire series, and that is because how sweet it sounds. It perfectly encapsulates Steven and Connie’s relationship, and I would have it as my ringtone if it didn’t bring up some personal stuff I’m dealing with (long story).

The only thing I haven’t touched on yet is the Gems, whose reactions were what would be expected of them, with the exception of Garnet.

This was one of biggest pieces if evidence for Garnet being a fusion, because this had Garnet being excited for a fusion, and especially the line where Amethyst mentions that fusion is hard for Gems and Garnet responds with “Not for me.”

Looking at older posts and theories on the matter, this was a huge log for the Garnet being a fusion theory, but its was still only one line of dialogue and could be extrapolated in a dozen different ways.

Of course, now we know Garnet is a fusion, and I find it to be fun when I show the series to new people where the idea that Garnet is a fusion starts to become more concrete when this episode pops up.

This episode dealt with a wide variety of topics, but was also enjoyable to see Steven and Connie be together while not being together in a relationship per se. Love takes time and so on.

Until next time, thanks for reading and have a pleasant time.

Peace.

[ashafriesen]

Expert roundup

Christina Nicholson – Christina All Day 

Every ten-year-old girl is different and likes different things. Here, in my house, it’s arts and crafts. Any kind of creative gift like this is a gift that keeps on giving because it keeps her busy and is something she can use repeatedly.

Some of these gifts include colorful rubber bands and beads used to make bracelets, canvases with paints, activity books with crayons and markers, and even educational workbooks are a hit in my house.

In addition to creative gifts, games are popular because we have a big family to play games with. We also have some fun cooking and baking tools like kids measuring cups and spoons as well as cute aprons and chef’s hats to help in the kitchen.

Again, I think the best gifts are those that can be used to entertain, especially now during COVID-19 while we’re spending a lot of time at home.

Rebecca Smith – I Always Believed In Futures

I think the best gift for a ten-year-old girl right now has to be a book, especially something like Fantastically Great Women Who Changed The World, a great look at women in our history or a kid’s classic series such as the Harry Potter series.

With the world ever-changing, it is important to help our kids learn about the world around us as it is right now and the history of great people who have been. I find that young children love books and as they get older, their appetite for reading increases.

As they become pre-teens, they develop even more of a thirst for learning, and nonfiction books such as the one I mentioned above seem increasingly popular, selling out across the world.

The reason I think this is a great gift is that it will last the test of time – she can constantly go back to it over and over again as the years progress. Better still, it isn’t made of plastic and doesn’t need batteries which a lot of toys and products for ten-year-olds do.

Far too often, a girl of that age will end up with a lot of toys that are either not age-appropriate or require an obscene amount of batteries or power.

Erica Schmidt Jabali – I Spy Fabulous

There are so many great gifts for tween girls, but they can all start to look the same. That’s why I created an empowering coloring book and journal for the tween girls in my life. You Are Enough has 55 pages of encouraging quotes, coloring pages, journal prompts, doodle pages, and more, to lift up the young girls in our life.

With powerful messages like, “You CAN do hard things!” and quotes from thought leaders like Michelle Obama, Amelia Earhart, Oprah, and many more, this is a journal designed to give them the boost and make them feel as strong, smart and beautiful as they are.

Plus, with plenty of space to dream, vent, doodle, and draw, this book will be the stress and anxiety reliever they need, too. Pair this journal with a pack of fun pens, coloring pencils or markers and let her creativity run wild.

Plus, you can grab the book and a pack of pencils for around $20, making it a very affordable option for the young girls in your life. It’s a jungle out there. Give your favorite girls the gift of a safe space to be built up and share their feelings.

Allie Edwards – The Perfect Pregnancy Plan

For any 10-year-old girl that is interested in animals and or nature a photograph loaded encyclopedia especially about her favorite animals is a wonderful gift.

It’s great to be able to get something that is educational but fun at the same time. There are so many beautiful encyclopedias about whatever topic your 10-year-old girl is interested in these days.

Just this year we got my daughter an encyclopedia of cat breeds, and encyclopedia of dog breeds, a bug-o-pedia, and one of rocks and minerals!

So I suppose you don’t even have to keep the topic to animals if there is a great encyclopedia available about another of her interests.

Because we don’t need them to look up information anymore, thanks to Google, encyclopedias have taken on a whole new life from the boring ones that we, as moms, can picture from our childhoods that took up an entire shelf in our houses and at the libraries.

Encyclopedias nowadays are focused on a particular interest, loaded with pictures, and put together in a very captivating way. Broaden your 10-year-old girls’ knowledge by fostering some of her interests.

It’s amazing how much more a kid will learn and study just on their own accord when it’s something they are passionate about.

Lauren Tingley – Simply-Well-Balanced

As a mother of a 10-year-old girl and child development professional, I know that it’s important for girls this age to feel confident, empowered, and strong.

As they enter their tween years they will face a lot of pressure from peers and from themselves. That’s why it’s important to build up their sense of self and help them to develop a strong identity as soon as possible.

I always recommend The Confidence Code for Girls as one of the best gifts you could give a 10-year-old girl. It’s a New York Times Bestseller.

It’s an interactive book with fun quizzes, comic strips, and stories from real girls that will encourage your daughter to become her most confident, amazing self.

Abbie Alter – Plano Moms

I have a 10-year-old daughter and recently gifted her a Kindle Unlimited subscription, so she can download books to her iPad (and read using the Kindle app).

A 6-month deal is currently less than $50, and $10 per month thereafter. They also offer a 30-day free trial which gives the chance to really try it out at no risk. The alternative to this type of subscription is to download each book separately (the cost adds up quickly!).

I have an app that checks what she is using and how much time is being spent on different activities online.

So, when YouTube Kids and Roblox time is restricted, she can read a number of different books without trips to the library to pick up books curbside.

There are thousands of amazing kids’ books. I spotted Artemis Fowl, Harry Potter, Fantastic Beasts and so many more.

If your 10 years old prefers to listen, they also have a great selection of books that they can listen to on the Audible app too. This is helpful on long car journeys or road trips, where we can listen to books together to pass the time!

Melinda Ashley – Unfrazzled Mama

Ten-year-old girls are hard to buy gifts for because they’re in a period of such transition. They’re no longer interested in the “kiddish” toys that they may have enjoyed a year or two ago, but may not yet be mature enough for the products geared towards teenagers.

Though this age is tricky, you can never go wrong with a good book! Books make great gifts for a preteen girl because it doesn’t matter if they’re totally into hair and makeup or still love to play with their stuffed animals.

There’s a good book out there for everyone. I love to give books as gifts because they provide hours of screen-free entertainment, and they are relatively clutter-free as well!

My top pick for a gift for a ten-year-old girl would be a book subscription from a company like My First Reading Club or Reading Bug Books. What’s better than new, age-appropriate books arriving in the mail every month?

The great news for the gift-giver is that you don’t have to try to figure out what books she enjoys. The curators of these subscription boxes know what kids like and do the work for you. With fantastic books arriving each month, it’s practically a guarantee that the recipient of your gift will find at least one book or two that she loves!

A book subscription is a gift a young girl can look forward to receiving and enjoy for months to come!

Barbara Nevers – NeoLittle

Ten-year-old girls are on the stage of great curiosity. They can understand a lot of things already, and are keen to discover everything that they can see. They are also starting to play a lot with other children and are learning how to adapt to different kinds of environments.

As for me, here are three of the best gifts that I would like my ten-year-old girl to receive: 1. Walkie Chalk Stand Up Sidewalk Chalk Holder. This is great for outdoor activities. They can draw a lot of things on the road, and play with their playmates outside.

This chalk holder will also make you join them and not worry about back pains. This can also develop their physical and writing skills while playing.

2. Books about Family and Friendship. Since they can understand most of the things happening around them during this age, you can start giving them good books to read. This can help them to acknowledge and appreciate different relationships in her life.

3. A set of Coloring Materials / Gel pens For them, these will be one of the coolest gifts ever! They will get giddy and excited about coloring, drawing, and sketching. This will help them develop their creativity and express their feelings through art.

Jo Middleton – Slummy Single Mummy

I’ve actually just bought a birthday gift for my niece – ‘Escape This Book! Titantic’

It’s a bit like a classic choose your own adventure book, which I absolutely used to love as a child, with a bit of escape room thrown in!

As well as just solving puzzles, there are interactive activities to complete like doodling and drawing elements, and it would be perfect for taking on trips or holidays as it’s so lightweight and doesn’t need any extra pieces or batteries.

I’m a sucker for a mystery myself and I love that I can nurture this same love in her.

Claire Thrifty – Thrify Parent

Our gift idea for a ten-year-old girl is SmartLab Squishy Human Body Model.

It’s not your standard ‘girls toy’ but for those girls that don’t want to be a Princess or dress like a unicorn (not that there’s anything wrong with unicorns or princesses!), this is great.

It’s fun, educational, affordable and it teaches them something (the kids’ parents will love you!).

No batteries required, this 12″ model comes with 21 removable bones and organs, that then have to be reassembled in the correct order.

It’s a terrific gift for a budding young doctor or surgeon – or just a girl that loves science, biology, and finding out how stuff works!

Evan Porter – Dad Fixes Everything

We desperately need to encourage more young girls to get involved in STEM fields. In my opinion, the best gift for a 10-year-old girl would be one that helps her learn skills like coding, engineering, or science.

I love play robots like the Wonder Workshop Dash Robot that allow kids to program their own commands and functions.

It comes ready to use right out of the box and girls can work their way up using different apps to enable basic behaviors all the way up to more advanced sequences, depending on their age and how quickly they pick up the programming language.

This robot (and others like it) are used in schools all over the country to introduce kids to science, engineering, and coding — and they work so well because they’re actually fun to play with!

This toy comes with a rechargeable internal battery so kids can use it again and again and again.

It’s an awesome first step for girls that will give them the confidence to keep pursuing STEM as they grow into middle school and beyond.

Balint Horvath – Project Father

Well, as you know, just a few days ago a historic event happened: SpaceX and NASA launched astronauts to the ISS. This is a major event that sparks the curiosity of not only many adults, but also children. It’s easy to see that almost all children are fascinated by the night sky and at some point, many of us wanted to be astronauts.

It’s a shame that at some point during a girl’s development, her attention shifts to activities that are supposed to be reserved for girls only. They play with dolls, they want to help mummy cook. That’s all nice, but what about science or engineering fields where there’s a severe lack of women?

My recommendation for a gift for a 10-year-old girl is this toy. It includes 4 women astronauts, showing girls that their dreams can become true even if they are girls. Not only boys can dream big. Needless to say, since it’s a LEGO toy, it offers other benefits, too which boosts kids’ creativity.

Leisa Papa – Little Kids Business

If you have a ten-year-old girl’s birthday on the horizon you will know that every girl is different however most have one thing in common and that is the love of creating music.

What better way to give the gift of music and enable your child to create learn along the way. Smartivity Mechanical Xylofun Music Fun – Let’s make music is one of the coolest and latest S.T.E.M toys.

Affordably priced, with learning based on a D.I.Y. kit, your child can create their very own music for every ear. This gift includes all the elements required to build a music machine, including pegs for arranging and rearranging notes.

Once assembled, children learn about music notations and can compose their own tunes by placing the pegs in different slots.

For those a little nervous, there are easy to read instructions for composing two simple tunes to allow children to explore the magical and wonderful world of music.

For Ages: 8 years and older, this gift will take approximately 90 min to build with no batteries required. With the ability to develop unlimited Analytical, Creative, Motor and Practical Skills, children will love to actually compose their own music tunes on something they made. Show and tell is going to be exciting.

Denise Lisi DeRosa – Cyber Sensible

Get Girls Tech!

More and more our lives, relationships, knowledge, education, and careers are centered around technological literacy so I say, get the girls some tech!

My suggestion is to start with video games. This may seem counter-intuitive given that much of our discussions about technology center around screen time overuse concerns and gaming addiction.

So, why am I suggesting video games? Studies have shown that girls’ interest in STEM diminishes due to the lack of digital products marketed specifically to girls.

We need to make sure that girls are provided the same on-ramps to the tech industry as boys. This starts with games that are created with girls in mind.

For 10-year-old girls, I suggest the Nintendo Switch. There are a number of games that can be played together with family or friends and several titles are geared toward girls.

In addition to popular games like Animal Crossing, Minecraft, Super Mario Party or Pokemon are titles like Just Dance, The Legend of Zelda, Gris, Spyro Reignited Trilogy, and Ori and the Blind Forest.

If we encourage girls to enjoy tech when they are young, maybe they’ll become the powerful tech leaders of tomorrow.

Mikaela Walker – Orlando Parents Magazine

The best gift for a 10-year-old girl is a Nintendo Switch Lite (my daughter will be getting one for her birthday). At this age, girls seem to have grown out of pretty much everything except electronics, so a Nintendo Switch Lite is a perfect choice, as she will still be delighted with it, but it is much cheaper than a tablet or a computer.

She will be able to take the Switch Lite in the car with her on longer car rides or on road trips. This will keep her fully occupied so that the travel time will fly by. Parents will no longer hear the dreaded words of I am bored and how much longer until we get there.

The Nintendo Switch Lite is also perfect for taking along on plane rides, as it is compact and won’t take up too much space in a carry-on. Your daughter won’t care how long your layover is or how the flight takes as she will have something to entertain her.

Claudie Pomares – Mendability

The best gift for today’s ten-year-old girl is a smartphone without a plan but with Facetime style apps.

Ten-year-olds do not yet have a clear sense of identity and they define their universe by parents’ approval and peers’ acceptance. They are not anxious to grow older and mimic the look and behaviour of adults which is still too confusing and beyond their psychological horizons.

They surrender to cravings, only exercise if their lives depend on it and are happy in their temporary cocoon.

The magic of childhood which gave life to dolls and plush toys is fading rapidly and they rarely find interest in what demands steady focus or effort.

The first feminine trait to blossom in ten-year-olds is the imperative need for unending chatter with other little girls, nose-to-nose, joy to joy, jumping from whispers to shouts in an adorable frenzie.

Little girls of today only envy one thing their older siblings possess: a phone which opens wide the wonders of timeless and location free conversations with all their best friends.

They will become egocentric teenagers soon enough. It is best to provide a phone early, at an age when they still can be taught about the safe use of the inernet.

Christina Cay – C’MON MAMA

For a 10-year-old girl, the best gift is one that gives her a sense of autonomy. Ten years old is a key age in terms of overflowing curiosity & the desire for some level of independence.

Her own digital camera is one of the best gifts you could give a 10-year-old girl! It is something she can easily learn to operate on her own, it fosters exploration, and it will enable her to share how she sees the world with others.

A digital camera is also a “nice” gift that will make her feel special & important, and a gift like that will encourage her to take care of her things. She will also learn to make sure it is charged before she intends to use it, which further teaches personal responsibility.

But the bottom line is—she’ll love it.

Bonus points if you throw in a tiny photo printer she can keep in her room & operate independently so she can print her favorite snapshots on demand. We used to decorate our walls with posters—how about decorating her wall with pictures & portraits she took herself?

We often say if only we could see the world through a child’s eyes. Let’s give them the tools to show us.

Jane Wilson – Modern Housewives

In my opinion, the perfect gift for a 10 years old girl, is an Instax Mini 9 Instant Camera. It’s a great gift because it’s cool and classical at the same time.

It’s not a digital camera, but the pictures get developed instantly, which is pretty awesome and impressive.

She can run around, make memories, and get cool images she can later on present as cards or just glue them to a notebook or anything else she likes.

These cameras also come in many nice and vivid colours, like flamingo pink or lime green. You can see the product here.

Tracy Murdock – Your Twin Mom

A camera would be a fun gift for a ten-year-old girl.

She could take photos of nature or family. She could create a collage of pictures. She could add pictures to a journal to create a story.

She could set up a photoshoot with her favorite dolls dressed up. She could create a keepsake journal of fun memories with her family that summer.

She could take pictures of animals she observes and adds them to a science journal with animal reports.

Lauren Schmitz – The Simple Homeschooler

We are actually celebrating a birthday for my oldest daughter very soon, so I have been doing a lot of gift shopping lately.

I think the best gift you can give a 10-year-old girl is lego sets. They are an incredible screen-free way to get your girl thinking, building, and creating!

There are endless options to pick from – your daughter could build a palace, a treehouse, or a rocket ship! She will be amazed at what she is capable of building by just following the step by step directions.

Once she has put her lego set together, she can display it – or more likely, take it apart and make something completely different!

She is challenging herself, learning so much, taking pride in her work, and having so much fun!

Definitely a win-win!

Dave Pedley – Your Cub

Finding good gifts for a 10-year-old girl can be challenging, it’s that in-between stage where they’re “leaving” childhood and entering the tricky pre-teen years.

They’re probably seeking more independence than usual and forming their specific tastes and styles.

Personally, I love crafting kits. These kits come in a variety of ways and you’re sure to find an option suitable for the girl you’re gifting… it’s a great activity that doesn’t involve the screen, she can get her friends involved and you have an end-product that serves as a great memory.

Dhanya – Parenting Passage

I believe that gifts for children should have an educational aspect as well as being fun. The best gifts are those that allow children to apply knowledge learned in school to real-life activities that they enjoy.

At 10 years old a child can be enrolled into a PADI Scuba Diver certification course. At school, they will be starting to learn about biology, physics, and the environment. During the course, they will cover all these subjects and put them into practical use in the water hopefully seeing Nemo at the same time!

The course has 3 parts:

– 3 Knowledge Development Sections (eLearning, independent study or in a classroom) to understand basic principles of scuba diving

– 3 Confined Water Dives to learn basic scuba skills which can be done in the pool or in swimming pool-like conditions

– 2 Open Water Dives to use the skills and knowledge to learn and explore the underwater world.

The Open Water dives can be completed on holiday in warm water within a year of passing the first 2 parts. This really is a sport that keeps families holidaying and taking breaks together for years and spans generations.

Shannon Serpette – Mom Loves Best

I’d recommend a Razor A Kick scooter for a 10-year-old girl. My daughter got so much use out of her scooter at that age. Whenever she’d want to go to a friend’s house, she’d hop on her scooter and get there faster.

You don’t need any batteries for this product, and there are several color choices. If your daughter doesn’t like pink, she can opt for other less-girly colors.

They are much more affordable than bikes, less intimidating for kids to try, and they take up far less storage room.

Also, it’s a gift that will help kids stay active and keep those unwanted pounds off. It’s a good exercise for kids, and it can help teach your child how to ride a bike when all else fails.

After a year of riding her scooter, my daughter, who had never learned how to ride a bike, hopped right on a bike and was able to ride it with no problems.

Katie Green – Green Active Family

To me, the best gift for a pre-teen girl is one that’s going to get her away from screen time and outside to enjoy sunny, active days.

To this end, I’d recommend an age-appropriate kick scooter that’s going to grow with her throughout her teen years, too. Scooters are a great gift because they can be used independently or with friends.

They’re a good option for encouraging an active lifestyle on days when friends aren’t around to hang out. She’ll also be able to scoot with friends, either by sharing her own scooter or with friends who have their own.

Scooters are also super practical for getting to and from school and after school activities – doubly so for parents who might be concerned about germs spreading via a school bus. Just double-check your school’s policy before bringing the scooter for the first time.

When shopping for a scooter for a 10-year-old-girl, look for a model that’s going to last a few years, at minimum. Most pre-teen and teen scooters will be suitable, in terms of weight and height, so look for something with good reviews in relation to the price point.

Personally, I like Lascoota’s teen scooter. Despite the name, it’s suitable from ages 8 and up. The handlebar is height adjustable, so this scooter should last well into her teen years.

Joel Flynn – Gentleman Zone

Girls are very tricky at this age. Dolls and construction playsets won’t work on your typical 10-year old.

In their heads, they see themselves as “almost teens” and you just can’t argue with their logic.

If the kid is into sports, your best bet is going to be a skateboard or bicycle.

If she is on the artistic side, a secret diary or a fancy fashion coloring book is the way to go.

Also, a pet is always a good alternative – there isn’t a kid on this planet that won’t be happy with a hamster.

Whatever you do, DO NOT buy her a stuffed animal – you won’t hear the end of it.

Scarlet Paolicchi – Family Focus Blog

I would say that the best gift for a ten-year-old is one that encourages her interests. This lets her know that you pay attention to what interests her and that you value her thoughts and feelings.

So if you notice she is quite the reader, some nicely bound copies of books in the genre she enjoys would be perfect.

If you notice she is a writer, a pretty journal and some fancy calligraphy pens may be just the ticket.

If you have a budding scientist on your hands, a telescope, chemistry kit, or crystal making kit may be perfect for her.

If you don’t know the girl well enough to know her interests, I would suggest a craft kit a great all-purpose gift. Crafts are great for encouraging creativity and can be personalized by the girl to suit her style.

They also involve a lot of elements that are great for children, following directions, often learning new skills, problem-solving, and more.

There are all kinds of fun craft kits available or you could even create your own if you have a particular ability you’d like to share such as jewelry making, crocheting, etc. A craft gift is a great experience gift that they then get to keep as decoration.

Pinky McKay

I bought my granddaughter a sewing machine for her 10th birthday, she had been sewing with me when she visited, asking to sew every time she stayed overnight.

She had started making dolls clothes, scrunchies, a reusable bag and a baby carrier for her dolls, we have drafted patterns together, she has learned how to create and follow a pattern, use various seams eg french seams when she made her doll’s pants.

A sewing machine is a vehicle to encourage creativity, confidence, self-sufficiency, and self-esteem as the ten-year-old learns useful, practical life skills.

Erum Zehra – Muslim Moms

I recommend these card games as gifts for ten-year-old girls.

Mad Dragon: An Anger Control Card Game

Young children often have trouble understanding their feelings and emotions and what causes them. This makes it harder for parents to understand and deal with them as well. These card games help children understand emotions, express them and communicate them while playing a game with their parents.

This results in a therapeutic experience for both the parent and the child and they are able to understand each other better and communicate better.

Helen Wills – Actually Mummy

I would say every 10-year-old girl loves glitter! And as girls around this age are starting to become interested in making their own fashion statements, experimenting with face glitter and gems is a wonderful way to let them unleash their creativity.

These Gypsy Shrine face jewels are fun for tween girls who want to dress up for a party, or for creating ‘looks’ on a sleepover. They can go for the full face or hair-parting glitter look, or just use a crystal teardrop for a bit of dazzle. They stick really well and come off with normal makeup remover.

I don’t think parents should be worried about their daughters experimenting with makeup at this age either.

My own daughter became very interested in makeup techniques from YouTube tutorials and started appearing with beautiful eye makeup that was totally beyond her years.

I worried for a long time, but eventually, she stopped, and now at 15 goes for a very natural look.

My point is, it’s just creativity – basically colouring and craft for older girls! Let them enjoy creating fun looks for parties with glitter and gems, and they will love you for it.

Samantha Radford – Evidence-based Mommy

My daughter loves figures from the Schleich Bayala set. These beautifully crafted figurines include elves, unicorns, mermaids… everything from a little girl’s fantasy world! These realistic toys contain a lot of detail, making them super fun to play with.

The Glittering Flower House (with a stable for the horses) comes with a tiny kitchen, a dining area, and more. In addition, you can buy several separately sold unicorns, elves, and dragons to build a whole universe.

The best part about the Bayala set is how it inspires imaginative play. I love listening to the adventures my daughters come up with while playing with their unicorns and fairies. The girls have the fairies cook, ride their unicorns (each fairy and unicorn pair have magnets to make sure they stay together during play).

Schleich toys are beautifully made. My daughter knows that these figures are special toys and takes care of them.

And if your daughter isn’t into unicorns and fantasy, Schleich also offers other playsets – including all sorts of animals, dinosaurs, horse stable sets… There are a lot of options out of this company.

In a world where most toys are electronic and we’re pushing kids to grow up faster and faster, I love that these toys don’t require batteries, just creativity. They’re a great way to get your kids playing and actually enjoying childhood.

Christopher Byrne – The Toy Guy

Tie-Dye is back in a big way. Major designers like Prada and Burberry have been showing the treatment on the runway.

It was featured in a huge Project Runway episode earlier this year.

10-Year-Old girls are aware of fashion in the larger culture, and, of course, want to be cool.

Highly recommended for the opportunity for creativity and self-expression, plus the fun of wearing (or sharing) something you made yourself.

Plus, this combines creativity, fashion, sharing, and social play (Probably just within the family for now.)

This is very easy to use. Tie up the fabric (like a t-shirt up to a Men’s L) put it in the spherical container. Mix up the dyes. Turn the crank, and squirt in the dyes from the one-direction openings, which means NO MESS.

Easy to rinse, wash, wear, and share.

You can make multiple designs with the materials provided, and the instructions show kids how to tie up their fabrics for optimal results.

Plus, it’s a great value at $19.99.

The only drawback: It’s selling out as fast as they can get it in stock! Truly one of the hottest toys for the first half of the year.

Oh, and boys can play, too!

Available at Target, Walmart, and Amazon.

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