#they told me i was gonna have to stay on the psych ward until monday or tuesday if i wanted to see the rheumatologist

[disengaged]

i have been diagnosed with “rather severe” fibromyalgia

[bambisfuneral]

Warnings: Mentions of suicide

Ｅｎｔｅｒ ｐａｓｓｗｏｒｄ： ＊＊＊＊＊

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Ｗｅｌｃｏｍｅ Ｇｕｅｓｔ Ｕｓｅｒ

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Sunlight soon covered your half sleeping form, it made you throw your arm over your face to shield you eyes from the light. After what felt like ten minutes which was only ten seconds, you slowly sat up and stared at the bulletin board that hung above your desk. Instead of there being only two pictures, there were now four. The first one was a candid picture of you writing in her notebook, the second one was of Tendou with a wide smile holding up a peace sign and you in the background pouting at him.

“So you know how I said I used to be in your same position? I used to be a patient too, and in this psych ward. I just kinda..... I didn’t have anybody else admit me here I signed myself up, but with the way people treated me and how they talked to me, it sorta felt like they were the ones that made me sign up. It was like everything I did and said was wrong. Y’know I played volleyball when I was in school? That was where my heart was at, but people took it so serious. Like what’s the point in playing if you can’t have fun doing it?” I listened intently to everything he said nodding in agreement, it did suck being treated like you were beneath any and everybody so I knew how Tendou felt.

“That was my paradise, but my last year of high school, my team lost nationals and after that, volleyball for me was no more. Actually, all those guys you seen in the staff room? We were all on the same team, he wasn’t here but this guy Ushijima, I think he was my first true friend. He was never scared of me! To him, I was just another guy. Can you believe that? I was actually normal to somebody for once, I was never a monster. But I didn’t know that growing up, I was so used to people calling me a monster that I eventually became one........”

Tendou had stopped talking and I looked up from the food he gave me to look at him, he was looking up at the stars and he had a longing look on his face. Eventually a small smile replaced that, “I was lucky though, I healed eventually. Not everybody gets the chance to do that, so I wanted to do better and be better. So I went to college to be certified to be a doctor here, it feels nice being able to connect with people in this field. And then it feels even better knowing you played a part in making other people feel like they’re something, even if it’s just for a second”. He had looked over at me and his smile grew, “oh by the way, that’s Semi’s left overs so you might wanna thank him for that the next time you see him”.

The memory swallowed your mind and it was like you was glued to her bed as your eyes stuck to the picture of the red-haired doctor, he was an odd one. But he kept you company and was definitely a lot more accommodating than most doctors. Maybe you should just relax today. You rolled your eyes crossing your arms stubbornly. I’m being serious Y/N, you beat yourself up a lot for things that aren’t your fault. You don’t want Satori to come back tomorrow figuring out that you’re putting yourself in an unfixable predicament. “Kenma it’s fine! I told you that I got it under control, I’ve been feeling okay” Yeah Tendou’s right, you are full of shit. You watched Kenma hop up on your desk swinging his legs, “Oh I didn’t realize I was here to get tag teamed by you two” and you’re right, you’re not. You’re here to get better, but you can’t do that if you’re making yourself feel like crap all the time. I’m telling you, being around Satori’s gonna be a good change for you. You bit your lip and changed into a fresh set of clothes tossing your dirty ones in a corner.

“Hey doll, I know you’re not gonna like this very much, but I’m not gonna be here tomorrow. I got the day off and I got things I need to do, but I’ll drop you off some lunch and dinner so you don’t gotta eat the crap that they serve in the cafeteria. So.... what do you like?”

“So what am I supposed to do when he’s gone?” You muttered to yourself frowning. Ummm maybe socialize? Go eat breakfast? Maybe go talk to one of Satori’s co-workers? Kenma was talking to you like you were slow and it frustrated you but knowing he was just looking out for you, you decided to let it go. “Okay well I guess we can find that one guy I’ll Dr. Tendou was talking to in the staff room last night, it’d be easier if I could just ask around but I don’t know his-” Dr. Semi Eita, you’re welcome.

“Okay so it’s your turn to share now, and IIIII knooow you want to ask me stuff. I can see it on your face” Tendou’s eyes to match his sly smirk and he poked my cheek repeatedly before I slapped his hand away, “I mean.... you said you weren’t mad but I’ve never seen you lash out like that and it didn’t happen until after you and that guy talked”. I watched as his smirk dropped and his eyes darkened, “Doll you’ve never seen me lash out, not even in the least. So listen to me when I say I wasn’t mad. Now what else’s on your mind?” My lips pursed to the side as I looked away from him and clenched my fists together on my lap, his hands covered mine and he slowly opened my fists. I could tell by his gaze that he was still waiting for me to answer his question.

You walked up to the marbled counter with a glass wall surrounded it, behind the glass was an older bigger woman with brown hair which was starting to grey. Her fingers cracked against the keyboards for what seemed like a good five minutes before she stopped and looked up at you coldly. The woman was looking at her over her glass before pushing the frames to the bridge of her nose, “can I help you?”. You looked over at Kenma nervously and he was leaning against the wall with a thumbs up, you just huffed and turned back to the lady behind the counter. “Yes um.....” Y/N...... I swear, you spent eight minutes in your room just trying to figure out what you had to say and you spent an extra ten minutes reciting what you were planning on saying. Stop overthinking it and get it over with. This made her eyes widen and fists clench tightly, “I was wondering if I could see Dr. Semi? I’m assigned to Dr. Tendou but he’s not here today and he said if I needed to talk to somebody then to ask one of his doctor friends”

There was a moment of silence with the lady staring at her with amusement dancing in her eyes. A few seconds passed by before she pressed one of the buttons on a metal board off to the side, “Dr. Semi? Yes you have a patient here to talk to you, so if you would just come around to the front to come get her that’d be great. She said she’s one of Dr. Tendou’s patients”

“I was wondering if tonight could be our first official solo therapy? And maybe whenever we have them, we can have them up here?” I asked meekly only to be met with silence and then a thundering laugh, “That’s all? Yeah I doubt that was the only thing that’s been going through your brain these passed thirty minutes”. My lips curled downward while I shook my head, “Obviously not but I can’t just sit here and dump all my thoughts on you all at once!” A small smile was given to me which seem like a sign of appreciation, “Okay well we can start with that solo therapy then, how’s every Monday, Wednesday, Friday, and Sunday at eight sound?”

The man from last night came around the wall next to the counter and gave you a warm smile. “Dr. Semi?” He just nodded and reached his hand out for you to grab, “You can just call me Semi, it’s fine. Let’s go into my office” you followed behind him and you looked back to see Kenma grinning to himself. He gave you a reassuring smile before turning to leave, you wanted to call out after him but you felt eyes boring into the side of your head. When you turned back to face Tendou’s co-worker, he was looking at you with a patient look but sort of threw his head motioning to go walk inside his office, so into his office you went. As soon as you walked in he patted the other end of the sleek burgundy couch he was sitting on, “so, is everything okay? Tendou told you he was off today right?”

You just nodded your head making yourself comfortable on the cold material you were sitting on, “Yeah I just wanted to know if he’s gonna be back tomorrow, and I was kinda wondering if I could have a solo therapy session with you? And maybe you could record it so you can show it to Dr. Tendou?” Semi smiled softly at you nodding. “Yeah, of course! I’m assuming that things are going smoothly with you and him because of what you just asked of me? And thank you for feeling comfortable enough to talk with me” This made you mirror the smile on his face as you dropped your hands in your lap, “Yeah! I was pretty indifferent at first, but Kenma convinced me that this would be good for me. And yeah, I figured that if Satori knew you in high school and you were still friends that you couldn’t be all that bad. Especially with how he is....... but I have a question”

Demi’s eyebrows quirked up at the use of Tendou’s first name, he barely allows anybody to use his first name so it took him by surprise, his predicament must’ve been more serious than he let on. He stayed quiet but gestured for you to continue with your question, “Last night when you and him were talking, why did he ended up so...... not mad but....” you didn’t even know what to say to described how he was and how it felt being near him during that ride up to the roof but it seemed like Semi understood what you meant because he chuckled knowingly.

“Yeah see, it’s not really my place to tell you this, but I’m sure Tendou’s already told you about him being a passed patient here. He gets a certain attachment to people easily and he used to be very co-dependent to the individuals he was attached to, it was very unhealthy what he was going through. He’s actually still bettering himself about it. So he was just telling me some things and I was trying to understand the situation and tell him that things aren’t always what they seem, then he just..... sort of became frustrated. It’s hard to explain but I hope you understand, maybe tomorrow you can talk to him about it. Now about that session, let’s begin?” You nodded and on cue he hit the recording button on his voice recorder, “So Miss Y/N, why are you here?”

“So doll, are you gonna tell me why you’re here? Did you sign yourself up orrr....” Tendou didn’t finish the last part to his sentence but I understood where he was going with it, “um..... okay so I was actually signed up by my parents, back in my first year of high school. The doctors at the ward I was assigned to said nothing was wrong with me, but then my parents told them about my habits, how I acted, what I did, all that fun stuff, and so the doctors deemed me to have a type two bipolar disorder, schizophrenic, aaaand a compulsive liar”. I seen Tendou grinned to myself and my brow raised in confusion, “Yeah I seen the compulsive liar part in your files and I started questioning that, cause you haven’t been showing any signs of being a liar”

I huffed and rolled my eyes in irritation, “it’s because I’m not! My parents were so hellbent on trying to convince them that I was suicidal, but I’m not and I never was! I just know my life’s gonna be cut short eventually. But it’s life, it happens to everybody eventually so I was never phased by it and they just deemed it as me being suicidal...... okay so I lied, I was suicidal but that wasn’t until after they prescribed me Zoloft because of my bipolar disorder. After they started making me take Zoloft I was in a very dark place. I wouldn’t take showers for days, I never wanted to get up, I woke up everyday not seeing the purpose in life so I never wanted to do anything....... I was at the lowest of the low and I didn’t know what to do.”

I looked over at Tendou trying to read his face but he just smiled at me almost innocently which gave me the confidence to keep talking, “okay so this went on until I graduated high school. They had me taking online courses which didn’t go too well. But guess what? It turns out that the doctors at that specific ward were giving all the patients that were showing even a minor sign of being upset Zoloft because they knew that the patient would eventually commit suicide. So the ward shut down” the disgusted look on Tendou’s face matched mine and he frowned deeply. “It took..... three years for them to get that piece of shit ward to get shut down? That’s beyond me” I just exhaled a breath and pursed my lips, “Yeah I know, but they just ended up transferring me to a different ward but I was legally an adult so they gave me a choice and well..... I have a friend, he’s actually in this ward also! He actually convinced me to stay, but not for him. It was for my own benefit, me and him have been friends since elementary school!”

Tendou had a look of shock and confusion on his face, “oh..... really? What’s his name?” I nodded my head happily and smiled widely. “Kozume Kenma!”

Ａｒｅ ｙｏｕ ｓｕｒｅ ｙｏｕ ｗｏｕｌｄ

ｌｉｋｅ ｔｏ ｓｉｇ�� ｏｕｔ？

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Ｗｅｌｃｏｍｅ Ｄｒ． Ｔｅｎｄｏｕ

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Tendou had just walked you back to your room and he was headed back to the staff room with long and fast steps, when he reached the door it swung open due to the force of him pushing against it. It slammed against the wall behind it and his friends were once again still sitting down at the table bewildered, “Tendou? What’s wrong?” He shook his head conflicted before pointing at his silver haired co-worker. “Come with me”

He led him into his office and walked up to his computer without closing the door behind him or sitting on his chair, he just pushed it out of the way. His fingers slammed against the keys rapidly, “What’s wrong now Tendou?” Semi came up behind him with a puzzled expression. Tendou just stayed quiet and kept typing on his computer, “Okay so look, Y/N said that she has a friend at this ward right? But if you look in our files, there are no results for a Kozume Kenma” Tendou mocked Y/N’s voice when he said his name, “She also mentioned that he was roomed with her. Buuuuuut if you got to the files of the first ward she was at, their files say a guy named Terashima was roomed with her”

Semi sucked a breath in before thinking silently, “We could make a call to the second ward she was transferred to and ask the big guys that work there about her” Tendou nodded deep in thought. “Yeah.... yeah that could work” it was silent as the phone line rang, Tendou tapped his fingers against his desk timidly and Semi was sitting down on the previously unoccupied rolly chair. The phone rang a few more times before a deep voice answered, and Tendou made eye contact with Semi. “Yeah this is Doctor Tendou Satori at the Shiratorizawa Psych Ward, who am I talking to?......Alright Mr. Kuroo, well I’m assigned to this woman, L/N F/N, that was recently transferred from you guys. She told me about a Kozume Kenma but there are no results of one in your files?”, Tendou hit the speaker button and the voice on the other line inhaled deeply before letting out a long sigh.

“Yeah..... there was no Kozume Kenma in our ward. But the three of us were friends growing up, Kenma actually committed suicide when we were in secondary school. That was when Y/N started showing major signs of depression and schizophrenia, she started seeing and hearing Kenma everywhere she went but when she transferred to our ward, I made sure that I was the one assigned to look after her. It seemed like she was getting better but I could tell being around me was holding her back from fully healing, so I transferred her again.” It was like Tendou and Semi were having a staring contest the entire time, Tendou’s lips were parted with a loss of words.

“Oh..... alright thank you for this new information, well have a good rest of your ni-” He was cut off by Kuroo, “Hey listen.... Tendou was it? How’s she doing? How is Y/N?” Tendou sucked air through his teeth feeling lost. “I thought it was going pretty good, but with what you just told me? It’s like I’m back at square one with her” The line was silent before a knock was heard on the other side, “Okay look, I gotta go but I’ll email you my personal number alright? We can talk more about it if you want, and maybe.... you can keep me updated on her?” He just nodded like the man was right in front of him to see.

“Sure thing, alright I’ll let you go. Have a good one” The phone clicked and Tendou sighed letting his head drop, “Semi?....... I gotta do it” he turned his head to the side to meet eyes with his friend and Semi just sighed crossing his arms. “Only if you genuinely feel like it’ll better her wellbeing”

Ａｒｅ ｙｏｕ ｓｕｒｅ ｙｏｕ ｗｏｕｌｄ

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[petrichoravellichor]

Warmth (a Gabriel x Meg ficlet)

Tags: AU, Oh my god they were roommates, established friends(?) with benefits, cuddling

Rating: T

Wordcount: ~1.4k

*****

Come Monday, Meg decided, she was going to kill Sam Winchester.

It was only fair when you thought about it, and she’d had all last night to think about it as she’d coughed and sneezed and not fucking slept due to being unable to breathe through her nose, all thanks to Sam “I-Come-to-Work-All-Week-Even-When-I’m-Sick” Winchester. The fact that he’d shown up at the office on Friday smiling and looking ninety-five percent back to normal just added insult to injury: while she spent her Saturday bundled miserably on the couch watching reruns of CSI Miami, Winchester was probably out enjoying himself, running six marathons or whatever the fuck someone who ate a kale salad for lunch every day did for fun on their days off. Bastard.

It didn’t help that it was the middle of winter and the building’s heat was out, and Meg had lived there long enough to know that it wasn’t getting fixed any time soon. Chuck wasn’t an asshole the way some of Meg’s previous landlords had been, but he was flaky as hell and seemed more interested in drafting his weekly newsletter than actually managing the property. The only plus side was that he often forgot to collect rent until mid-way through the month, a notable perk when you were living paycheck to paycheck.

Snatching a tissue from the box at her side, Meg blew her nose for what felt like the hundredth time and tugged her blanket closer. The living room got a bit more direct sunlight than the rest of the apartment and was therefore slightly warmer than her bedroom, but even so, she was practically shivering. For a moment, she actually contemplated relocating to Gabriel’s room, which was usually the warmest in the apartment, before ultimately deciding she was better off staying on the couch.

Gabriel had been her roommate for the past four months, ever since Meg had broken things off with her cheating ex and subsequently found herself unable to afford rent on her own. After interviewing what felt like half the city’s psych ward, she’d settled on Gabriel Milton, who was new to the neighborhood and looking for a place close to the soul food restaurant he’d just gotten a job at. Meg’s first impression of Gabriel was that his perpetual lopsided smile would get real old real fast, but he’d been the first person she’d met with who had both a steady job and no police record, so she’d figured what the hell and told him to move in his stuff.

And if they had hooked up since then, well, that was neither here nor there.

It was a one-time thing, she’d said; of course, he’d agreed. That it had been a one-time thing three times now was something Meg refused to think too much about and which Gabriel thankfully never seemed to feel the need to remind her.

Her stomach rumbled, and she was just contemplating dragging herself to the kitchen to see what she might be able to scrape together this late in the month when the front door unlocked with a click and Gabriel entered, a few errant snowflakes still clinging to his clothes. He took one look at her, wrapped up from head to toe in her bed’s thickest blanket and surrounded by a nest of used tissues, and grinned.

“Well hey there, Sleeping Beauty,” he said, turning to hang his beanie and scarf on the rack by the door, “finally managed to slay that dragon you were fighting last night?”

Meg gave him a withering glare. “Yeah, and I’m still in a killing mood, so go ahead, keep talking.”

“Fine, fine, have it your way,” replied Gabriel, still smiling as he set down his messenger bag to strip off his coat. “I mean, I was going to tell you that I brought us dinner, but if you’d rather I keep that bit of information to myself…”

Damn it. Well, no point in giving in easy. She gave a dismissive shrug. “Depends what you brought.”

“Fried chicken, mac and cheese, and enough cornbread to use as a pillow.” Gabriel held up a finger in a gesture of “but wait, there’s more!” and pulled a small plastic container out of his messenger bag. “Even whipped up some peach cobbler for dessert.”

Meg arched a brow, grudgingly impressed. “Aren’t you worried they’re gonna fire you one of these days for all the free food you take?”

“Eh, not really,” said Gabriel, picking up his bag and moving to the kitchen. “Missouri loves me, says I’m the best cook she’s ever had. Besides, she’s the one who tells me to take it.”

“Really.”

“Swear to God! Apparently, I look ‘underfed’.”

Meg scoffed, twisting to look over the back of the couch as Gabriel bustled about the kitchen. “Well, you are kinda short.”

“I prefer ‘fun sized’,” said Gabriel, throwing her a wink as he spooned food onto two plates. “And anyhoo, you try saying no to her. Pretty sure she’d just stash food in my bag when I wasn’t looking.”

They ate on the couch, Meg doing her best to appear indifferent about how good the food tasted even as Gabriel gave her that annoying pleased look that made her feel like saw right through her. He told her about some of the more interesting customers he’d seen at work that day, such as the mother-son combo who had bickered like an old married couple (“But man, she was a looker! Had an accent, too.”) and the friend of Missouri’s who had stopped by for lunch (“A blind palm reader, believe it or not.”) and the two men in suits who had apparently spent more time looking at each other than eating their food (“I swear, I was this close to sticking my head through the food window and telling them to just kiss already: that was some serious eye-fucking they had going on.”). Meg rolled her eyes at the last one, wondering how anyone could be that oblivious to something right in front of them.

“So how’re you feeling?” Gabriel asked as they finished their cobbler. “Heard you coughing lots last night. You actually get any sleep?”

Meg sighed and shook her head. “Couldn’t get comfortable.”

“Make up for it today, at least?”

“No, but I did come up with about fifty ways to kill the idiot who got me sick.”

“Fun!” said Gabriel, standing and collecting their empty plates. “Care to share the highlights?”

“Current favorite involves shoving him into a giant salad spinner and cranking it until the Gs get him.”

Gabriel nodded in approval as he disappeared into the kitchen. “Creative, I like it.” Meg heard the sound of plates being put into the sink and soaked; a moment later, Gabriel emerged and resumed his seat on the couch. “What else you got?”

Meg shrugged, tugging her blanket tighter. “Could just stick him in here and let him freeze. Maybe that’ll be enough to make Chuck fix the fucking heat.”

Gabriel peered over at her. “You cold?”

“No, genius, I’m shivering from murderous excitement,” she deadpanned, but Gabriel just laughed.

“‘Genius’, huh? You know, I think that might just be the nicest thing you’ve ever called me,” he said wistfully, and before Meg could respond, he’d shifted to sit with his back against the arm of the couch and was extending a hand in her direction. “All right, Murder Queen, bring it in.”

“What for?”

“Because the murderous excitement part might have been a lie, but the shivering part wasn’t, and you know I tend to run hot. Probably due to my sunny disposition.”

“That, or you’re just full of hot air.”

“It’s charm, actually, but hey, points for trying,” quipped Gabriel, before tilting his head to regard her with a more earnest expression. “Seriously, though, come ’ere.” He waggled his eyebrows and added, “Promise I won’t bite unless you ask me to.”

Meg rolled her eyes. “Fine.” She crawled forward, shifting with Gabriel until she was lying between his legs with her head tucked under his chin, the blanket now wrapped snugly over them both. Gabriel wrapped his arms loosely around her waist, and Meg closed her eyes, suppressing a contented sigh at how good the warmth felt.

“There, see?” came Gabriel’s voice, and she knew without looking that he was wearing that damned pleased-with-himself smile. “This is nice.”

Meg gave a sleepy, noncommittal grunt. “Yeah, well don’t get used to it,” she mumbled, feeling herself start to drift off. “This is a—” yawn “—a one-time thing.”

Gabriel chuckled. “Of course,” he said, and if she felt a little extra warmth at the soft kiss he pressed to the top of her head, well, that was neither here nor there.

[spiremint]

hi guys im here to write a Deep long birthday post that really goes off tangent

first off: i’m gonna mention hospitalization/institutionalization in this post and some depression shit, so content warnings for that. like we’re about to unlock a slice of real-ass Spire Backstory in here.

alright so ive been wanting to write this all day cause i have a lot of feels about today i guess, mostly because i’m just glad to be here. i’m glad to still exist, in this year of 2017. i’m glad i have survived long enough to see 24 years old cause i sure as hell almost didn’t. for all you fellow anxiety/depression friends out there: you know that whole thing where your anxiety is terrified that you’ll die young, and then your depression chimes in like ‘ok yeah but wouldnt it be liberating if you did?’ yeah its that kind of backwards shit.

see what usually sucks about my birthday is that it’s in the middle of the winter, and the winter is when my health is at its absolute worst. my birthday is usually the beacon of hope that winter is 2/3 over. i’m almost out of the dark. 

but around this time in 2015, the depression was piled especially deep. it was the right mix of the SADs and the existential dread from being closeted trans. [side note: STILL closeted, but handling it better now.] i pretty much didnt know how to translate my existence to the plane of reality anymore. so one day i woke up and i could not move. i could not. everyone thought i had a stroke, and ara took me to the hospital.

they sussed out that it was a severe bout of anxiety. essentially i was having the most hardcore dissociation ive EVER had in my life and i still havent experienced an episode of that magnitude before or since. once i could actually get my hand to move, i communicated by writing in my sketchbook bc i was completely nonverbal. but i made the critical mistake of admitting i had suicidal thoughts.

i call this a critical mistake because then the hospital held me until they could find an opening in a local psychiatric ward. i had consented with going, but based on later stories i heard from other patients, if you disagree they will threaten you with forced admittance instead, and that’s a MUCH bigger tangle to work with.

when i arrived at the psych ward i was told my stay would probably be 3-5 days. and then i’d go home, most likely over the weekend or the next monday.

i was there for 2 weeks.

this was one of the most traumatizing months of my life, and it wasnt all thanks to my own illness- it was thanks to the ward, and some of the staff in it. this experience was so bad that it has become a milestone in my life that i now measure other things against as a metric.

i’m here today on my birthday because when i was in that ward i vowed to get back on my feet so i could get Out of there and never end up in a ward again. i’m here on the sheer determination and spite i had in those 2 weeks. i’m a stubborn piece of shit.

my birthday today was amazing, to throw some more spite in there. i got spoiled by one of my bestest friends in the whole wide world. i got so many wishes from all you guys. my mom wouldn’t stop texting me candy emojis. i saw an owl tonight. i got awesome stupid balloons that say “its a boy!” because some gender validation is always a good present. i even got misgendered today, but thats ok, because i knew i had that balloon floating around at home that says “its a boy!” thats right, its a boy. and he’s 24 years old and so grateful to be here.

[canaryatlaw]

Ugh, today was fine, even good, I'm just tired and in weird head space right now likely the result of me fucking up taking my medication last night and stopping (or lowering) the Xanax intake, but HEY I didn't fall asleep somewhere between 10:30 and 11 am today so we're probably correct there, which is good because we were at a placement at that point doing an interview and that would've been hella awkward. But anyway. Alarm at 7:40 because we were leaving straight to go to an interview which shifts time a bit so I was supposed to meet my boss outside the courthouse at 9:30. Last time we were set to do this I FUCKING FELL ASLEEP ON THE BUS and missed my stop so I was especially worried about being late, which is dumb because she is chronically late. So I was there at 9:25 ready to go, lol, she however took some longer time to get there (more like 9:50 but she at least texted to say she was gonna be late) but whatever at least it was nice out at that point, it's back to fucking freezing now and I'm so not happy about it. So we were going to what's called a TLP, or temporary living placement, which are basically DCFS controlled placements for wards who are in between 18 and 21 (since Illinois can keep kids in the system until they're 21, which, for all the system's issues, is a much better plan that dumping a newly minted 18 year old out on the street with no resources) where it's somewhat like a dorm, there's a staff person but they can come and go as they please as long as they follow rules and such. We were going like, super far south, like down to 111th street (and if you're familiar with Chicago's street system you know the numbered streets don't even start until you're south of the loop and I live way north of the loop) and yeah, basically the further south you get the worse the neighborhoods get (I could've sworn they filmed a few scenes from APB at the park across the street from this place. I don't want to be too loose with personal details for obvious reasons, but this girl had very good reason to want out of the neighborhood for her and her 2 year old son (whose father was shot and killed at the end of April). Her son was very cute though. And she's honestly doing better than a lot of "kids" in her situation would be, she has a decent amount of her shit together so it'll probably be just a question of following through. So after that interview we stopped at Potbelly for sandwiches and so my boss could get her Mountain Dew fix (she's like addicted) and then she got upset that their syrup to fizz ratio was messed up on the fountain soda machine and complained and I was laughing really hard because I was very amused. From there we went back to the office where I finished off the DCP summary I was working on then started digging into the case file for the permanency hearing I'm doing on Monday. I started with the DCP packet since that's generally the start of the case, and it came in as a lock out but at trial they ended up getting no-fault dependency findings (what we refer to as dep-c) meaning she was taken into care because her parents couldn't handle her mental problems, not because her parents refused to let her back in their home (which, for the record, is abuse and neglect when your kid is 13). We tend to argue against these findings a lot since they're generally not in the kids best interest so I was kind of irritated to find out they got only a dep-c finding at trial when her parents fucking locked her out, like that's not a dependency case IMO. But anyway. That was several years ago, since then she'd gotten to return home and then was sadly brought back into the system. I'll have to read the attorneys notes to figure out the logistics of why (other than her parents couldn't handle her behavior again), I was going through the orders on the case to see the legal status when my boss showed up and asked the lady with the office across from mine if they were allowed to bring law clerks to psych hospitals for interviews, so of course my ears perked up at that, and pretty soon after we were going off to interview a 17 year old boy who had been on run for like, a year (the system SUCKS and teens literally just run away and don't get found for months upon months). The report we got said he had told a police officer he was having suicidal ideation which brought him to the psych hospital, however upon arriving he had a different story which I won't get too much into for privacy reasons but he really did not want to be there anymore and was like "I told the cop I was slightly depressed but I wanted to go to a shelter to get back into placement" which I'm sure he played down some for our sakes but while he was kind of worked up when we got there for the duration of the interview he presented as rational and really not struggling from any immediate signs of mental illness, so I really don't know if he did need to be there. He kept saying he doesn't feel safe there because he watched the staff have to restrain a kid and he described it as them just beating the crap out of the kid, and like that's a fine line because you're generally brought to a psych hospital for your own safety, but by doing so are also surrounded by individuals who could compromise your safety. They're having an emergency staffing for him on Monday though and hopefully they can get him into a TLP (and if not probably a residential facility, but that's where he went on run from so that'd be less than helpful). He seemed fairly determined to get his act together so I hope he succeeds there and doesn't lose it on any of the staff there in the next few days (which yes I know all have challenging jobs, but there were a few comments I overheard that I did not feel particularly comfortable with). But after that we headed back and I just had my boss drop me at the loop because I had to grab my prescriptions from target (my high dose acid reflux med and the new one my psychiatrist just prescribed) then I was meeting up with my roommate being that she works downtown too. Not gonna lie, sitting in the hallway of the psych hospital was a weird feeling for me. It feels like a lifetime ago that I was dealing with my best friend being locked in one for a week with no contact and me 500 miles away and completely helpless. The story doesn't hurt as much anymore, but sitting there today it just felt a million miles away from where I was now. The girl from this morning was 20, I mean, I'm only 5 years older than her....that's not a lot. Idk where I'm going with this, it was just weird I guess. I never really got close to getting psych hospitalized (mostly because I didn't tell anybody I knew would get me in one that I was suicidal) but I have had multiple friends in them over the years and I know they're not great places to be in. So all of this was kind of playing in my mind as I picked up my psych meds. From there I walked over to the building my roommate works in since she didn't get off till 5:30, so I chilled in the lobby of her office for like 15 minutes while guys in suits walked in and out and made various jokes, lol. She's a receptionist and she says she doesn't do much except watch tv and process bills sometimes but it sure as hell pays a lot better than Starbucks and she's got some acting stuff in the works so hey good for her. When she got off we took the train a few stops to right where my old apartment was and went to a pizza place by there that was pretty good. From there we caught a bus a few streets over and took that down to the movie theatre to see guardians of the Galaxy 2. We were almost the only ones in the theatre, but a couple other people showed up once the previews started (I don't think I've seen any of the planet of the apes movies, but I'm kind of awed at their ability to keep coming up with new ones by just adding two words in front of the title) and then we were going. It was good, different than I expected but I don't really know specifically what I was expecting, probably just something that would tie in more with marvel's infinity wars end game here with the infinity stones and such, since they seem to be pulling that end of it into the final battle for the universe they're gonna wind up in. The weird gold people they end up making enemies of were odd, and it kind of had my wondering if whatever that douche who's a top guy at marvel that did all the hydra captain America nazi shit (Nick Spencer? Is that his name? Idk) had something to do with their characterization as his vilification of people being overly politically correct, but I doubt that was actually how that happened. It was a lot more emotional than the first for obvious reasons, and the general type of story was different. I liked Nebula and Gamora's story arc, as awful as their childhoods had been I'm glad they were still able to find reconciliation with each other (even if Nebula is still out to kill Thanos, if that's a possibility). The whole final battle sequence was pretty good, obviously weird setting but I think they did it well. FUCKING BABY GROOT WAS SO DAMN CUTE and they better be making stuffed animals of him because I want one immediately. I really couldn't get over though how the ravager that ends up staying with them was Kurt from Gilmore Girls and that actor has obviously aged quite a bit but he still looks JUST like Kurt and I placed him immediately, and then I felt kind of bad for the guy that he'll probably never have another acting job where people don't immediately think "oh, it's Kurt from Gilmore Girls). It's probably good his character ended up being a little nutty. I can't fucking remember the blue guy's name (my life, even though I was trying to commit it to memory) but I actually really liked how they did his redemption arc which I didn't really expect because I really wasn't a fan of his character up to this point, but they managed to paint it really well in the comparison of oh you think he kept you away from your great dad to help you steal things to oh he was protecting you after knowing what happened to the other kids. DAMN THOUGH, Kurt Russell (not gonna lie, I thought that was Jeff Goldblum up until looking it up on IMDb right before writing that) was so good as being the great and powerful god at first and then he turned so quickly and DAMN was he a creepy as fuck villain. The moments Nebula and Gamora find the caves full of bones and then when Mantis (who btw the only thing I could think about while watching her was how minus the weird buggy things her costume was totally the female version of the smallville green arrow costume) said they were his children it was such an OH SHIT moment I was like getting chills. I think that's most of what I wanted to say. I'm sure they'll make it mean something in the continuity of the marvel universe, but it didn't seem to add much to the infinity stone centered plot at least (which was pretty much the entire plot of the first). Also, when they were in the battle scene and Gamora and Nebula kept getting like, whipped back and forth, all I could think was well this is not the same marvel universe where Gwen Stacey dies because obviously their physics are on a whole other level (that was mostly a joke though, I don't know enough about that series to make an actual comment). When we got out of th movie it was back to being COLD AS FUCK but we ended up in an uber pool because it was cheap, so it was the two of us and some college kid (or maybe grad, idk I wasn't paying attention to his conversation) and a driver that was pretty good with conversation up until the end it got a little ermm but he got most of the way at least. And then I got ready for bed because my head still feels weird but I clearly had to get all of this out or I wouldn't be able to sleep. I think I realized the headspace thing somewhere during the movie because at first I just thought that like we were sitting too close to the screen or maybe I was developing eye problems because it was like hard for me to track their movements and bring it into focus, but I'm at least glad that my eyesight is still ok. Okay, I'm done now. Yay for tomorrow being Friday. Goodnight pals. Happy Friday.