#they should make it right before the end becaouse no one would be able to write it well

[finaledenialist]

contreversial spn takes: I'm glad that the confession was done towards the end of the spn, because I don't trust the writers to actually write good destiel relationship.

OMG YES!  as much as I wanted destiel to be canon since I started this god forsaken tv show, when I really think about it??? I would trust NO ONE to actually write dean and cas as a canon couple, can you even imagine? They confess before 10x22 and Dean just beats the shit out of Cas, who he canonically loves? NO. they wouldn’t be able to write it but they at least should have acknowledged it </3

(send me controversial spn takes  👀)

[lanzhanhoe]

Smile

Since a very young age, Lan Zhan always had a expressionless face. He possesses a face with pale and soft skin, with handsome features, black and long hair, and beautiful golden eyes. People always thought it was such a shame not being able to see that beautiful man smile even once.

Lan Wangji did not care at all. He never considered himself as someone handsome or beautiful, much less cared about someone else's opinion about his looks. It was hard for him to express what he felt with gestures or words, so he does not try unless it was strictly necessary, never bothered if others thought he was constantly indifferent or bored.

He knew that this brought a lot of misunderstandings, people was often intimidated by his indifference or thought he was an arrogant boy and did not bother to try to get close to him, so, as a kid, he was always alone. Lan Zhan enjoyed being alone, so he never complained.

Little Lan Zhan thought it was quite convenient to be like this.

His uncle and brother were the only ones able to read what, Lan Xichen being a master of it. They worried about him, Lan Zhan knew that, but he was okay, not happy, but it was all right. The silence and tranquillity of the jingshi was something he really enjoyed, even though boys of his age should be outside, talking, making new friends, training, laughing. Having a good time.

No one understood that Lan Zhan never saw the fun in those things.

Being alone means not being bothered, not letting anyone in means not getting hurt, not talking meant being in his comfort zone, because Lan Zhan is bad a talking, because Lan Zhan is not supposed to be talking.

Because no one cared about what Lan Zhan had to say. Everyone he thought cared about his opinion, left. His mother was gone, he never saw his father, there was no point.

In his youth, Lan Wangji was good with the sword, was the best of his generation, had an exemplary behaviour, perfectly played the guqin. He was strong and perfect, was respected and admired. Lan Wangji was fulfilling all that was expected from him.

Until Wei Wuxian happened.

He was an obnoxious young man, shameless and disrespectful. Made Lan Zhan feel so much it scared him, used to be calm and composed all the time.

It amazed him how different he was from him, charismatic, carefree and friendly, always full of energy, teasing someone and having fun. Wei Wuxian was so expressive, talkative and easy going, but at the same time intelligent and strong.

Lan Wangji wanted to have nothing to do with him.

But, surprisingly, he caught Wei Wuxian's attention. It somehow bothered him the expressionless features Lan Zhan possessed, so he is always trying to get a reaction, doing silly things and teasing him to no end.

Wei Wuxian was the only one in years who was able to get a physical reaction from him.

Mainly, he always got angry at Wei Wuxian, but even that satisfied the young man, as if having a reaction from Lan Zhan was a great achievement. It made his heart flutter, so all he does is try to get away from him.

Some time later, Lan Wangji would realise that Wei Wuxian, in some twisted way, cared about what Lan Wangji felt and thought, and it mattered to him much more that he was willing to admit.

After all the Wen incident, Lan Wangji realises he fell in love.

Wei Wuxian made him feel so much, new emotions blossomed inside him, and it scared him so much. Lan Zhan felt nervousness for the first time, his hands would sweat because of it, his heart would race like crazy and he would somehow lose control over himself around him, do things he would never thought about doing before. He was not used to it, how could someone have so much power over him?

Lately, he was always daydreaming of Wei Wuxian, how beautiful and graceful he was with his sword, confident and passionate, loving the way his heart warmed at the image of Wei Wuxian's huge smile, how pretty and soft his hair looked, how would it feel like between his fingers? Would he enjoy being caressed like that? How about holding his hand? Lan Zhan was sure it would fit perfectly against his.

How about hugging? Lan Zhan wanted to hold him close against him, touch his waist with one hand and caress his cheeks with the other, feel the heat of Wei Wuxian's body, know how he smelt like, get closer, closer, closer.

And he was scared. He desired so much, wanted so much, his own world orbited around Wei Wuxian. It terrified him how those desires controlled him, how much control he lost because of one man. How could Lan Zhan's feelings be so strong, when he used to be so composed and calm before?

'Go away, go away, go away, this is too much, I can't take it... am I supposed to feel like this? Is it normal? Why him?' But he never complained, maintained his blank expression.

The day he lost control over his feelings was between that forest, where he found Wei Wuxian in the grass, againts a tree, wind softly waving his hair, his big and grey eyes covered by a blindfold, and his lips looked so soft and full, tempting. He could not resist it.

So he kissed him.

Deep inside, he enjoyed it way too much. He grabbed the young man's wrist and pinned him against that tree, just feeling him, after all this time just imagining it. It was his first kiss, and even though it was not consensual nor Wei Wuxian knew who he was kissing, those lips against his, his warm breath and perfect body against him was enough for him to feel in heaven.

The all he felt was dread and utter shame. Lan Zhan never thought he would be capable of doing such a thing, how could he? Wei Wuxian didn't even show the slight interest in him, he molested him and he was so angry at himself, at that part of him who felt so much love and desire for that man, and who shamelessly enjoyed that kiss.

It was wrong, Wei Wuxian will never feel the same as him, Lan Zhan forced him, his feeling out of control got the worst of him and his love for him so strong made him do things he did not want. Wei Wuxian wanted to have nothing to do with him, so he will respect that. Because Lan Wangji’s feelings were dangerous, all he did was harm.

'It will pass, I know it will...' He kept quiet, he could deal with it.

Long time passed, and he saw Wei Wuxian again in Yiling. His love still there, strong and passionate as ever, but Lan Zhan was an adult now, and long ago came to terms and accepted that those feelings wouldn't go and learned to live with them, even though it caused him pain and longing.

The Wei Wuxian he knew was still there, sadder and lonely, so worried and tired, but still there. He still laughed and joked around, complaining about his seriousness and teasing him. Like the old times, it brought him a little warmth to his heart.

Spending time with him and the little boy Wei Wuxian called A-Yuan brought him a lot of tranquillity and joy. The man he loved was okay, had people who cared for him and a place to call home.

Still there was a little something that was off in Wei Wuxian.

But when he went to the Burial Mound, he couldn't help to feel worried.

"Can you really control it?"

"Wen Ning? Of couse I can, I have and I will. Look, he already returned to conciousness!"

"But what if he loses conciousness again?"

"It okay, I already have experience, if nothing happens to me, nothing will happen to him either."

"How could you be so sure?"

Lan Zhan wasn't, he knew something bad happened with his core, saw how the resentful energy surrounded him, knew that Wei Wuxian was still a human being and no person was able to control all of that, even though the young man was strong and powerful and Lan Wangji trusted him wholeheartedly, Wei Wuxian was still young, and human.

'How could I stop worring about you, when you are the most important person in the world for me?'

Still, he silently left the Burial Mound after that. Lan Zhan did not have the heart to complain to him, even less ask him to return to Gusu with him again. The way he smiled and interacted with everyone in the Burial Mound, how at ease he seemed. And Lan Wangji knew Wei Wuxian would regret his offer, so he decided to trust him and his power, to trust the Wens to take care of him. Because he was not wanter nor needed there.

How wrong he was.

Thirteen years had passed, full of sorrow and regret, the pain in his heart constant every day. It was slowly becoming difficult to him to wake up, to start a new day, knowing Wei Wuxian was gone. His body felt heavier and he slowly saw no point in living.

But A-Yuan made him live. Lan Zhan found the little boy in that tree, alone, almost dying, and saved him. He was like a little piece of Wei Ying left before dying, and Lan Zhan decided to love him, educate him and train him. Becaouse that little was the tiny light that kept him moving, gave him a reason to live.

Lan Zhan took care of him, as if A-Yuan was his, as if he was theirs.

At first he thought he could handle the pain, but just discovered hoe empty ans lonely he actually was. Because all his life before Wei Ying, he lived like this, indifferent and focused on getting better, and had actually wanted that back. But he realised that without Wei Ying, a big part of his heart felt dead, everything seemed pointless.

How did he even dare to want Wei Wuxian out of his life before?

But then that day came. Lan Wangji was in the Dafan Mountain, looking for both troublesome juniors he was so fond of. Running at high speed towards the trouble, he heard a loud growl, and then, his song.

It was awfully played, trembling notes were heard, but he was still able to hear It, their song, the song he composed thinking of Wei Wuxian, and the one he hadn't listened to because of the pain it brought. Just Lan Zhan and Wei Ying knew how it sounded like.

He silently gasped, and ran towards de origin of the sound. 'This is impossible, Wei Ying would never... but what if...?'

Lan Wangji saw him, a young man walking backwards, trying to appease the Gost General, as if he was familiar with the corpse. His heart was racing and was suddenly out of breath, Wei Ying was right there, after all this time, he came back.

And Lan Zhan was not willing to let go again.

So Lan Wangji did not resist the sudden urge he had for touching him, and grabbed the other's wrist. He was real, it was not a cruel illusion created by his own mind, and he felt like all of those years waiting were totally worth it if Wei Wuxian came back..., for him, he would wait a thousand years and more.

They looked at each other, and even though that was not the face he remembered, Lan Wangji would still love him, because that man was still his Wei Ying, the love of his life, the man who showed him what unconditional love was and how powerful his feelings were.

And when Wei Ying started to play the bamboo flute again, his wrist still being grabbed by him, Lan Zhan felt at ease, the emptiness disappear and his heart healed. Watching the new face of the young man, Lan Zhan released a shuddering breath, and all the love arise.

Wei Wuxian did not correspond him, but just having him there, alive and safe, was enough. His mere presence healed him and made him completely happy.

So, when no one was watching, Lan Wangji did what the young Wei Wuxian was so eager to see: Lan Wangji smiled. It was a tiny, faint smile, and just the forest witnessed how beautiful he looked, the brightness in his eyes coming back.

Wei Wuxian was there, and Lan Zhan finally was okay with what he felt, now he will try to get better at showing it.

---

Sooo, i know how hard it is to deal with new feelings and their intensity could be really scary. Idk i like to think lwj is kind of like me when he likes someone hehe, bc i was like so in denial for like two whole years :/// yeah... im a mess

It got deleted an i wanted to d*e sjdnakdj but i finished! Hope y'all like it ^♡^

Edit: @otaku-frames thank you so much for your comment, sorry for the mistake <3!!!

@bunnybutts-blog thank you too <3!!!