#they should have an interactive adventure you go on with the doctor and you help him out and you avoid life daleks or cybermen

[ldysmfrst]

American Mate - (4)

First Case of Alpha Space

Paring: Hybrid!BTS Ot7 x Plus-sized Human FemReader

Status: Ongoing series

Chapter number: 4 of unknown

Word count for Chapter: 4132

Work count for Story: 16,244

Genre: Hybrid Playmate Au inspired by works created by @yoongiofmine

A little about the author: I am a mother of two beautiful children. One of which is special needs, and on 3/28, they lost 75% of their vision. I have had to take time off work to accommodate many MANY doctor appointments. I started a Ko-fi if you feel the heart to donate towards helping with the medical costs of appointments, medication, and modifications to the house, which insurance doesn't cover.

Warnings: (I am not good at this, but I will try. Let me know if I missed anything!!) NOT BETA READ!! This story will have a bit of angst, fluff, smut, f/m, m/m, and m/f/m. This chapter does have Injury, Anxiety, Panic attacks, comfort, Alpha Space, and Cultural differences.

BTS HYBRID ANIMAL TYPES: Seokjin - Roan Ferret, Yoongi - Black Jaguar, Hoseok - Marten, Namjoon - Alaskan Timber Wolf, Jimin - Red Panda, Taehyung - White Southwest African Tiger, Jungkook - Flemish Giant Rabbit

AMERICAN MATE MASTER LIST / LDYSMFRST MASTER LIST

Is it really that big of a deal that you got hurt? My god, you were 35 already. You have never lived a sheltered life. You have had your fair share of broken bones, twisted ankles, scrapes, and bruises. 

You are always going on adventures, riding horses, and climbing things you probably should not be climbing. The external scars you bear are associated with stories that are good conversation starters when you feel like showing them. 

Things would be difficult for a while because you are right-handed. You have a few days of sick time saved up that you can use to start with. Hopefully, this will help you gain some kind of compliance from your award left hand. 

Work, however, is going to be the hard part. Luckily, your work is typically done on electronics, meaning nothing has to be handwritten. Even if you tried to write left-handed, no one could read it. You would bet money doctors had better writing than you did. Dictation software to save the day!

Hearing Derek’s voice broke you out of your thoughts regarding your near future. Watching him act cautiously while interacting with the other hybrid was interesting. There is clearly a difference in how he acts with Yoongi than Evie. Giggling to yourself at the mention of being a mate with Derek gains the attention of both. 

“Oh, sorry. The thought of being a mate, much less to Derek, was amusing, I guess.” 

You missed the slight frown that briefly graced both men’s faces. Derek thought you were implying he wasn’t mate material, and Yoongi thought you believed you were not worthy of being a mate.                  

“Thanks Y/n. I let you know that I am a catch despite being a Beta. Besides, this isn’t about me right now. We need to get the leadership involved with what to do moving forward. Are you okay if we bring in the others?”

“Yes, please. I need to speak with Director Johnson, fill out an incident report… um or dictate an incident report, and then get to a doctor.” Attempting to stand up, you are blocked by the golden-yellow eyes that have not stopped watching your every move.

”Mr. Min, I need to get some things done and take care of my wrist.”

Yoongi’s eyes narrow, and a soft growl pours through the room, causing your eyes to widen. You look over your shoulder at Derek with a ‘what-the-F-did-I-do’ expression, only to be met with a smirk.

“Y/n, I don’t think you understand what is going on. You haven’t dealt with a situation like this before. You may love hybrids but you still have limited interactions with our culture and this dynamic.”

Walking backward toward the door, Derek continues, “With the state of mind that Mr. Min is in, it might be best if a packmate explains.”

Derek opens the break room door to face Hoseok, Teahyung, Namjoon, and Jungkook, who are all staring. “Oh, Hi there.”

Then, as if someone had turned the mute off, they all started talking simultaneously. 

“Is Yoongi-hyung dropped yet?”

“그 사람 괜찮아요?”

“Why does she still smell hurt?”

“Wait, wait, wait, please,” Derek puts his hands up, motioning to stop.

“I do not know Korean for one and for two Mr. Min has gone into full non-verbal Alpha Space and I  am not sure he will be coming out of it anytime soon. However, one of you should go in to handle the situation  and she needs to talk with Director Johnson.”

At the mention of the director, a low growl came from Taehyung, causing Derek to take a step back and lower his eyes in an automatic response to a displeased Alpha.

The scent of calming leather gently flows over the group at the door as Namjoon steps forward. His mind is still reeling a million miles a second with you being their mate and you being injured. To top it off, Yoongi is on a deep level of Alpha Space.

“Sorry about that. I can come in, but the director is busy at the moment dealing with the playmates, corporate office, and Manager Sejin,” Namjoon apologizes as he enters the room.

He follows Derek to where his packmate and Y/n are situated at a table. Taehyung and Jungkook follow quickly.

They both kneel respectfully behind Yoongi. Their Alphas recognize that Yoongi is currently in charge of you, and it would be unwise to display anything that could be considered a threat by approaching you too quickly.

They both need to be close to you, and their instincts to be with their injured mate drive their actions. Looking you over for injuries, their eyes resting on your wrist with furrowed brows and set jaws. 

Taehyung’s eyes change to crystal blue as his tail flickers almost in time with Yoongi’s as he slips into Alpha Space. 

“Namjoon-hyung, Y/n is hurt. She needs a hospital, I think,” Jungkook says, his ears standing straight up on his head, one-pointedly focused on you and the other twitching between his Prime Alpha and the door. 

“It is not that big of an issue, Mr. Jeon, Mr. Min, and Mr. Kim.” Looking up from the trio in front of you and addressing the Prime Alpha, “Sir, I have specific protocols to follow due to company procedure. I have to talk with the Director.” 

A growl from one of the men in front of you freezes your words, unsure of what you did to cause their reactions. Internally, you groan because it seems all you get from them are growls, as if you vex them more than you humanly possible. 

“Miss Y/n, we have already talked to Director Johnson,” Namjoon says with a look of distaste. 

“He has been informed that you are now under the care of Bangtan Pack following hybrid customs.  It would be wise to refrain from talking about him at the moment, he did not leave a good impression with the pack.”

Your brows scrunch in confusion, making the hybrids want to coo at your cute face. Clearing his throat (aka his mind), Namjoon continues, “We have more pressing matters to attend to besides paperwork.” 

“You are injured, and we have to get you to a doctor. Manager Sejin is currently contacting one of our personal physicians that we normally use while on tour to have you treated.”

“What? Why would I use your doctor? I can just go to the local clinic.” Your scent spikes almost like a heavy perfume with anxiety with the flashbacks of your nightmare. 

“Please, I have taken up much of your time, and caused enough problems as it is. I can take care of myself. I don’t want to be a bother.”

At your words, you are surrounded by multiple growls and watched by now golden-yellow, crystal blue, and smokey gray eyes. Scooting back in the chair, you nervously ask, “Derek, what did I do?”

“Y/n, you really don’t get it do you? For as smart as you are, sometimes you can be oblivious.” He smiles and shakes his head, stepping back from the group and heading towards the door.

“Mr. Kim, as Prime Alpha, you might want to explain what is happening and what she should be expecting. Mind you, she has been fiercely independent for the last 15 years of her life.”

“I wish you the best with her. It won’t be easy, trust me, I know. Good Luck.” Derek bows slightly to Namjoon once he reaches the break room door.

Looking at you again, this time with a smile filled with adoration for his best friend and what he thinks your future may hold, Derek says, “Relax and have fun.” Then he turns and leaves the room. 

As Derek leaves the room, he smiles at the remaining pack guarding the door. “Mr. Kim, Mr. Jung, and Mr.Park, I think your human does not understand what is happening.”

“Our human? So you know?” Seokjin questions with wide, cautious eyes.

Derek looks over his shoulder at the closed break room door. “At first, I thought it was just a typical Alpha reaction with him being the cause of Y/n getting injured, but his care and gentleness seemed to come from somewhere deeper. Add on the fact that your other two are fighting Alpha space. It would be hard to miss.”

“The other two?” someone asks.

Shaking his head, Derek looks back at the remaining three. “Yes, the younger Mr. Kim and Mr. Jeon’s Alphas surfaced just before I left. Your Prime Alpha is going to try to sort things out, but he may need some back up.”

“Meanwhile I am going to find our boss and see what needs to be done before you all run  away with her.” Derek leaves the pack to mull over the new information.

“Tae has never been one to control his Alpha well when one of us is hurt. I am not surprised if he slipped once near her. Kook always runs on instinct too, so it makes sense he slipped as well,” Seokjin contemplates. 

“Should we stay out here? Miss y/n’s pack member said it would be better to go in and help Namjoon? Three of us in Alpha space with an injured mate is not going to be easy,” Hoseok adds. 

Nibbling on his lower lip, Jimin thinks of ways to handle the situation. Even though he is one of the younger packmates, keeping the pack calm is his gift. 

He just doesn’t know how to handle you yet, especially since you don’t know what you mean to the pack.

“Good, at least three of you are here, and I assume the rest have made their way into the room with Miss Y/n,” Manager Sejin says while walking up to the group. 

“I have spoken with Big Hit, the Director at Playmate Service Incorporated, and Dr. Blackwell. Everyone is onboard and the doctor is ready to go.”

“Thank you,” Seokjin says, feeling relief that no one seems to be fighting this. “Namjoon is in with the rest of the pack and Miss Y/n, we should go in. From what Mr. Gulley says, Miss y/n does not seem to understand the situation to the fullest. I just hope that Namjoon can clear some things up.”

“Relax and have fun? What does he mean by that?” You mumble as you glare at the now-closed door that one of your best friends just shut. 

He willingly left you with four Alpha male idols. 

Three of them are kneeling on the floor with non-human eyes, and the Prime Alpha, looking around the room like the way to explain what's happening is painted on the walls.

Taking a breath, you say, “Mr. Kim, Prime Alpha… Sir. Derek is right. I have no actual experience with Alphas. I can tell that there must be some kind of instinctual drive going on, and there are trigger words or actions.”

“I don’t want to cause any more trouble than I already have. What do I do to make it easier for your pack?”

At your words, the kneeling Alphas gave a multitude of pleasant chirps. You looked at the three of them, a little confused. They seemingly smiled and made almost the same sound at what you said.

Okay, so they can growl and chirp. Your curiosity spikes when you think of what other animal-like sounds they can make as hybrids.

Drawing your attention back to him, Namjoon finds the words to explain what is happening, “Miss Y/n, you have done so much to help the Bangtan Pack feel welcome today.”

With a gentle smile, he continues, “So please relax, you have not caused any trouble, and we highly doubt that you will.” 

Thinking to himself, ‘At least, not in the way you seem to be thinking.’

“Alpha’s run with a higher level of instinct than your Beta packmember. As an Alpha, Yoongi instinctually feels responsible for your injury. In order to calm that instinct, a few things will most likely need to happen.” 

Watching as you seem to sit up with interest, he continues, “First things first, he and his Alpha need to get at least your injury treated.”

“He has to be the one to take me to get it treated? I can’t have him go with me to the clinic! There are fans and sasaengs and the media! What about your schedule? You always hear about the tight schedules Idols have and you have already spent all afternoon here over this.”

You start panicking about the hordes of people you hear about following the band around. God, the amount of bad publicity that would come from catching you and THE Suga of BTS at a clinic. You can’t imagine what nonsense they would come up with?

Your scent goes into an even heavier version; it takes on an almost alcoholic aspect. The kneeling Alphas instinctually send out calming pheromones while moving closer. 

Yoongi’s tail, still wrapped around your ankle, tightens while he gently rubs the back of your injured hand, which he is cradling protectively. 

Taehyung starts to purr softly, hoping that the sound will comfort you. 

Jungkook, on instinct alone, scoots up to your left side, nudges his head under your left hand, and rests on your leg.

The feeling of Jungkook’s head on your leg snaps you out of your thoughts and brings you back into the room. You hold still as you start to recognize similar comforting behaviors the Alphas are doing with those that Evie always does, allowing you to take a deep breath.

“Sorry. I was raised to take care of myself and not impose on others.”

“Miss Y/n, you are not imposing. Again, Yoogni ran into you while rushing out of the room, and it's his responsibility to make amends. Actually, as a bonded pack, it is our responsibility, too.”

“The pack? Like all of you? Is this why they are all like this, with their eyes and stuff?” 

Absent-mindedly, you run your fingers through Jungkook’s hair, softly scratching his scalp, soothing not only yourself but also the youngest Alpha. 

A soft chuckle escapes Namjoons as he watches your instinctual interactions with the youngest mate. “Yes, that is the best way to explain the eyes and stuff, as you put it.”

“Jungkook and Taehyung will find it easier to leave their Alpha Space since they are not the ones responsible for the injury but trying to be supportive to both of you.” 

Hearing a knock on the door, he calls, “Who is it?”

“Namjoon-ssi, it's Manager Sejin. I have some updates and a few questions. Can I enter?” The door opens slightly to reveal it’s him. 

At Namjoon's nod, he enters. The door remains open as the scents in the room are constricting in their density. He is followed by the rest of the pack, who take up guarding now from inside.

“Did you contact everyone?”

“Big Hit and the Corporate Director are on the same page and will follow the hybrid protocol, but details must be discussed once Miss Y/n has met with the doctor,” Manager Sejin reports to the Prime Alpha.

Moving to look at you, he continues, “I contacted Dr. Blackwell, thinking you may be more comfortable with a female doctor.” 

Glancing at the boys surrounding you closely, his scent changes with curiosity. He raises an eyebrow, looking at Namjoon. With a subtle nod, he confirms that something more is happening but does not move to explain.

Looking back at you, he gently smiles, “With the situation at hand, it may be best to limit other males around you until everyone is out of Alpha space. They tend to get territorial. Dr. Blackwell is on standby, ready to assess and treat you once we know where you will be.”

���Why wouldn’t she just come here, or I go to her?”

“Miss Y/n, Dr. Blackwell is a traveling physician. She doesn’t have a permanent office to use but she is well respected in both the human and hybrid communities.”

“Oh, I see. Well, umm…” you look at Namjoon and ask, “What option would be best for your pack?”

Namjoon’s chest puffs slightly at your show of respect to him as the Pack Prime Alpha despite the situation and your pain level. “Not to make you uncomfortable, Miss Y/n, but I think meeting Dr. Blackwell at our AirBnB would be best.”

You take a moment to think, your hand pulsing with pain. They cannot all fit in your flat; it's a mess after you tore through your closet to find the right clothes for today.

They don’t seem to like being here. Instinctually, even Derek and Evie prefer being in their dens when one of the three of you is hurt or sick. 

“Okay. If it is best for the pack, then I will go with you to the AirBnB and see Dr. Blackwell.” 

It’s almost as if a weight is lifted out of the room, allowing the pack to take a breath. 

“Yoon, Kook, and Tae. Can you give Miss Y/n some room? We have to take her to the pack house to see a doctor,” Namjoon says with a firm voice, gaining smiles from the men kneeling on the floor. 

Jungkook stands and curls into the Prime Alpha, his eyes returning to their natural color.

Taehyung rocks back on his heels but remains near. His body is more relaxed and his eyes are still crystal blue, shifting between Yoongi and you in wait.

After watching the two younger Alphas move around, your attention turns to the Jaguar kneeling with expectant but questioning eyes. 

 “Mr. Min, if I promise that you can stay with me, will you let me go get my things and then you can take me to the pack house?”

Yoongi’s face lights up with a gummy smile as he nods. Your breath hitches at the sight. How can the devastatingly handsome rapper look so adorable?

He stands up, his tail unwrapping from your leg. He softly takes both of your hands while he assists you in standing. You smile and mumble a small thanks as you step forward to leave.

“Prime Alpha, do you think I can talk with Derek briefly to let him know what is happening? This way he can talk to the direc… Boss. Talk to the boss and let him know that I am leaving for the day?”

“Yes, talking to him will be fine. He has been established as part of your familial pack and won’t be considered a threat to the pack if he comes around you now,” Namjoon answers, moving out of your way and motioning for the rest to let you pass.

Bowing slightly, “Thank you, Prime Alpha.”

Making it to your desk is more complicated than one would think. 

Yoongi won’t leave your right side, while Taehyung won’t leave your left. Both act like it's code red and someone is trying to assassinate you. Then you have the rest of BTS trailing behind like some kind of posse. 

You keep your head down to avoid any strange looks or glares from whomever you pass. To your relief, you find Derek waiting at your desk with his head resting on his palms and a mischievous smile. 

“I see you are taking things in stride,” glancing at your plethora of bodyguards. “Did the Prime Alpha explain everything to you?”

Speaking up from the back of the group, Namjoon answers for you, “She is aware that we are responsible for her at this time and she will be treated at our temporary pack house by our doctor.”

You don’t miss Derek's look of concern as he tilts his head with curiosity at Namjoon. “I see, of course. You are just responsible for getting her treated.”

“Derek, can you please let the big boss know that I will be leaving with Bangtan Pack to seek medical care and once I have more updates I will let you both know?” 

Glancing at Yoongi and still seeing his lovely golden-yellow eyes, you try to ignore the slight flutter in your stomach, “I don’t think it would be good for me to talk with him myself still.”

Derek nods in response, “Manager Sejin has already given the boss a rough time frame for the near future. I suppose his managing skills came in handy. Don’t worry about us here. We can handle it while you heal.”

Standing up, Derek passes you your purse, which Taehyung takes. You try to grab it again, but only to have a black and white tail wrap around your arm and bring it back down to your side.

“No carry. Keep safe.” Taehyung almost grunts out in a deeper-than-deep voice, which short-circuits your brain.

Glancing at Derek out of the side of your eye, you see him briefly nod and smile encouragingly while he whispers, “It’s an Alpha Space thing. Best acknowledge his help.”

“Umm… Th-tha-hank you, Alpha,” you stammer out, willing the heat creeping up your neck to stop as your words pull a boxy grin from the Tiger.

“I think that is it,” you announce to nobody in particular. You smile awkwardly at Derek as he slowly approaches you.

“Y/n, you have been through so much. Not just today but in your life. You have always been the one to take the blame for others, working harder or longer than anyone else and caring for those who never return the favor.”

His eyes glance at the men surrounding you as he sees nods of understanding and looks of concern from them.

As a soft smile blooms on his face, he holds onto your good hand, “Take time for yourself and let this pack of Alphas take care of you. You deserve it more than anyone else I know.”

He pulls you into a hug. You briefly stiffen, waiting for the growling and pulling to start, but to your surprise, it doesn't. Relaxing into his hug, you take his words to heart.

A soft whisper in your ear, “You know you will always have Evie and me as your family pack, but right now, be open to the pack around you,” with one last squeeze, Derek steps back and returns to your desk.

“Now, shoo! Off you go. The boss said I’ll get to man the front desk for now.”

With a nod, you wave goodbye and face the hybrids behind you. After not finding Manager Sejin and a few others missing,  your eyes settle automatically on Namjoon, waiting for a clue as to what to do next. 

“Manager Sejin went down to get the cars. Seokjin-hyung, Hoseok-hyung, and Jimin also went down because we won’t all fit in the elevator.”

“Oh,” you feel a slight tightening in your chest after realizing you didn’t even notice they had gone.

“Miss Y/n, let's take you to get looked at,” Junkook says while inching towards the office doors.

“Yeah, sure. Sorry, I have everything. Lead the way.” 

You follow the bunny and wolf hybrid while still sandwiched between the tiger and jaguar. Walking through the halls, you gain some attention from the people you pass. 

You’re a mere human surrounded by some of the hottest Idols in the world right now. So why wouldn’t they?

Not willing to look up, you keep your eyes cast down to the feet in front of you as you try to avoid what you are a gazillion percent sure are looks of disgust and hate towards you.

Once the elevator doors open, the tiger lets out a low growl. Glancing up, you see two fellow PMS employees quickly scamper out of the elevator and down the hall. 

That added to the embarrassment for now and when you return to work.

Namjoon and Jungkook take the back corners. Looking at the men by your sides, they motion for you into the elevator next. 

However, when you go to stand in another corner, you are quickly ushered back into the middle with Yoongi and Taehyung in front of you. 

The energy calms down as the doors close. The four Alphas relax now that they surround you and will start taking care of you. 

Even if your trust in them starts with an injury, they know this is their chance to show you what it means to be taken care of, acknowledged as precious, and loved endlessly by the seven of them. 

As the doors part, you're greeted by the remaining packmates waiting for you, smiles warm and welcoming. They're surrounded by more men in black, whom you assume are bodyguards. 

Turning to look at you, Yoongi speaks for the first time since he entered Alpha Space,  “Take home. Keep safe.”

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Taglist - CLOSED

@braveangel777 @bethanysnow @smileykiddie08 @kayways @danielle143 @nenefix-on @im-gemmy @fluffy-canada-pancakes @staytinyville @juju-227592 @levislifeline @carolinexkpop @m00njinnie @drenix004 @singukieee @avadakadabra93 @dazzlingjade @sehun096rainbow @sunshinecallie

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Called to Duty 4

Warnings: non/dubcon, pregnancy, abandonment, and other dark elements. My username actually says you never asked for any of this.

My warnings are not exhaustive but be aware this is a dark fic and may include potentially triggering topics. Please use your common sense when consuming content. I am not responsible for your decisions.

Characters: Captain Syverson

Summary: You struggle to move on from the biggest mistake of your life but find it hard to forget among the whispers of a small town.

Part of the Backwoods AU

As usual, I would appreciate any and all feedback. I’m happy to once more go on this adventure with all of you! Thank you in advance for your comments and for reblogging.

The bank is as ever anxiety inducing. On pay day, you go down to cash your check then give most of it right back, parsing it out for your various expenses. At the end of it, you have even less than the month before. You don't get it. Thing's only seem to get worse; not just money, but your body. Every day you wake up, you feel even more crummy than the last. 

Your hopes of a treat at the cafe are dashed. You give a longing look as you walk by and peer through the window. You can smell cinnamon and coffee. You're strict non-caffeinated, doctor's orders, but a decaf would be amazing with one of those cinnamon buns. Ugh, damn, why are you torturing yourself? 

You turn to continue down the street but barely dodge out of the way of another pedestrian. He makes sure you can't pass as he mirrors you, sidestepping to block your way. You sigh as you step back and look Sy in the face. For a big man, he sure can sneak up on you. 

"Hey," he flips up his dark sunglasses, "how're you feeling?" 

You stare up at him defiantly, not quite bold enough to glare. He hasn't done anything wrong, he's just persistent. It isn't his fault he reminds you of that spoiled deadbeat. Or that your emotions are volatile, one moment teary eyed, the next blazing hot with rage. 

"Fine, thanks for asking," you shrug, "Sy, I gotta--" 

"I owe you a cookie," he points to the cafe window at his shoulder. 

You blink. You remember the cracked shortbread. You forgot about that. The mention of the sugary treat makes your stomach growl and your mouth water. 

"No, you don't--" 

"I do," he insists, "I don't like to carry 'round debts. Let me buy you one." 

"I got it free," you say, "it's not a big deal." 

"It is to me," he counters, "I was heading in anyway." 

You stare at him. You really don't get this man. You're no longer so sure that Thor sent him to check up on you, not since your last interaction. In fact, the wingman seemed more spiteful of him than you. You look across the steeet to the pharmacy then back at him. The aromas wafting out with each swing of the door have you ravenous.  

"I can't stay long, I gotta work," you say. 

His cheeks twitch, as if he tamps back a smile before it can bloom, "after you." 

He gesture behind you to the door. You turn and lead the way. He reaches past you to open the door before you can and you enter ahead of him. The din within is lively and the air is warm from the crowd and the employees steaming out orders behind the counter. 

"Wanna find a seat?" He suggests, "you should rest." 

You open your mouth to argue but think better of it. You'd rather not stand in the clustered line. You nod and head off to claim the table by the window. There isn't much left. 

You pull out the chair and brace your back as you sit with a sigh. You glance over and find Sy watching you as he stands in the queue. His gaze makes you want to wilt, instead you turn your attention out the window. 

Not even Thor looked at you like that. Don't be silly. Sy is just being a dutiful guy, helping out the town slut in her time of need. You won't be duped. Not when you can hear your name being twisted on tongues at that very moment. 

You sit and wait, wring the strap of your small purse. You watch the street. If it wasn't for the people, Hammer Ford would be serene. 

A plate clinks in front of you and a porcelain mug as well. It isn't a cookie and you can smell the herbal tea's rosy flavour. You peer up at Sy as he gives an apologetic look. 

"Cookies are still baking so I got you a cinnamon bun," he says. 

"And tea?" You add. 

"Can't have one without the other," he says, "no coffee for you." 

"Yeah, I... I know." 

You could laugh. He suggested before he's been reading things about pregnancy. You just can't picture him with a copy of What To Expect When You're Expecting.  

"Thank you," you smile as best you can. 

"Gotta get mine, be back," he excuses himself and marches back to the counter. 

You look down at the gooey iced draped spiral. You really shouldn't. Not only accept his misspent generosity but indulge in the excess sugar. Yet your hormones won't let you resist. You can at least wait until he's sitting down. 

He returns with a black coffee and a rather colourful donut. They don't match. Bitter and sweet all at once. He sits and takes off his hat and sunglasses. 

You put your purse to the edge of the table and rest your hand on your stomach, doing your best to resist the animalistic need to tear apart the dessert. His eyes follow the movement and you quickly drop your arm. You don't even think when you do it, it's just a habit. 

"You-" he begins. 

"Wh--" you find your voice at the same time. 

You both stop, hesitant. He nods and gestures to you, lifting his cup as he watches you intently. That's new too. Thor never listened much, only talked a lot. Besides, you weren't exactly together for the conversation. 

"Sy," you clear your throat and sit forward as much as you can, "why are you following me around?" 

His brows form a vee, "I'm... it's not... I'm tryna help." 

"Okay, but why?" 

His eyes flick up to the ceiling and his cheek ticks as he gives the question genuine thought. When he looks at you again, his face is set, "because I want to." 

"You want to?" 

"Yes, I'd like to take care of you. And the little one, if you'll let me." 

You can't help your snort, "we hardly know each other." 

"Isn't for lack of trying," he taps his fingers on his mug. "Aren't ya gonna try the bun?" 

"I will," you assure him. He's trying to distract you and it's close to working. The cinnamon is driving you mad. "A baby is a lot of work and... I'm not your responsibility. I know Thor is your friend." 

"Was," he interjects.  

"Sure," you accept his decisive declaration, "but that doesn't mean you have to worry about his mistakes." 

"Mistakes? I don't think so," he says. 

"Well, it's not exactly planned," you scoff, "Sy, really I don't feel right about you doing so much." 

"Wouldn't feel right not doing it," he shrugs his burly shoulders. 

“But why?” You nearly exclaim. You just want to know why he cares so much, about you? 

He leans forward, elbows on the table, “they talk about me too, ya know? Since I got back from... serving. They say I’m f—crazy, or whatever. It wasn’t easy or nothin’ over there but I’m not nuts. Not like they say. Just like you’re not some slut, forgive me for saying it out loud.” 

You look down at the table and exhale. So he hears as much as anyone else about you. At least he’s honest. At least he isn’t joining them. You purse your lips and reach for the cinnamon bun, unable to restrain yourself any longer. 

“For what it’s worth,” you raise your eyes to meet his, “I never thought you were... unwell, or whatever they say.” 

His cheeks pinch, another suppressed smile, and he tilts his head, “I’m only happy to hear you think of me.” 

[kuwdora]

Saturday Morning Vid Recs - Space and Robots

@tafkarfanfic asked me for vid recs that are similar to the following vids:

Data’s Dream by GayleF (Gayle) and TasheryS which premiered at Escapade in 1994 - made on a VCR!! - and was remastered by morgandawn in 2004. Definitely check out the Fanlore page about Data’s Dream. Star Trek + multi-source.

Starships by bironic. Multi-source. The history of Starships on Fanlore.

These two vids are iconic. Please check them out and learn about their history from the Fanlore page, it's a great look at some vidding history and culture. Amazing vids, do love. As for some recs. I love this kind of prompt. More vids like [this vid] is so much fun. I dug deep into my vid rec archives and brain and bookmarks. I’ve also crowdsourced some recs from the vidding discord. Thank you to @rukbat3, @sandalwoodbox, @fairestcat, @monkeyswithjetpacks, @grammarwoman for the reccing help! And everyone else I might have forgotten.

From Land to Sky - and kicking ass while you're there!

Landsailor by @singlecrow/raven. Multi-source. Swades (We, The People); Master and Commander; 3 Idiots; The Dish; The West Wing; Parks and Recreation; Flight of the Phoenix; NASA archive footage; Apollo 13. ❤️ We're gonna need a bigger boat. Come O’ Eclipse by melodytree. Tenchi: The Samurai Astronomer. Calendar-making! Math puzzles! Astronomy! Politics! Eclipses! Oh my! Galaxyrise by starlady. Multi-source. Apollo 13 (1995), Interstellar (2014), Gravity (2013), Europa Report (2013), Contact (1997), The Martian (2015). This vid is full of so much wonder! The sky calls to us/If we do not destroy ourselves/We will one day venture to the stars. Going through space with the world by bironic. Space Exploration RPF. ❤️❤️❤️ From "day in the life of an astronaut" videos to international stardom; or, Chris Hadfield and his adorable mustache. Monsters of the Cosmos by CherryIce. Thor/MCU. Jane Foster/Science.Cherry’s editing is goddamn incredible. In the last century, black holes have gone from being mathematical curiosities to real objects in the cosmos. This is a vid about Jane Foster and her one true love, Science. Also, Thor is there. Toxic by JinkyO. The Planets (TV - 2019). Humanity/The Solar System. This vid is so fucking brilliant and makes me cackle in love and awe so much. It's dangerous, I'm loving it. Sci-Fi Friday in a Blender by Luminosity. Multi-source. Farscape, Battlestar Galactica and Doctor Who. So much happening in this vid. This is among one of the earliest vids I remember watching and became obsessed with back in the day. Supernova Girl by @usuallyhats. Multifandom. Doctor Who, Star Wars, Babylon 5, Steven Universe, Andromeda, Farscape, Battlestar Galactica, Firefly, Mass Effect, Stargate. So many wonderful brilliant amazing EXCELLENT supernova women and girls. Zoom, zoom, zoom. Space Girl by @aurumcalendula. Multi-source scifi. Inspired by Charmax’s Space Girl vid and Bironic’s The Greatest. This vid has a great selection of newer tv shows and films and it’s fun to play spot that character. But also this vid will grab you by the heart, too. Utterly brilliant, perfection. A must watch!! 'I've been as far in hyperspace as anybody can.' One Girl Revolution by bessyboo. Star Wars, original and prequel. Padme and Leia!! Seeing these two focused on in one Star Wars vid is an adventurous kickass ride. I'll be everything that I want to be. Space Girl by charmax. Multi-source scifi. One of the most beautiful epic space vids out there! I know I’ve recced this before and I’ll rec it again and again and again. My momma told me I should never watch Sci-fi but I did, I did, I did.

Robots! More than wires.

If a Machine by caramarie, Multi-source. Robot narrative focusing on machine origin, intelligence, and interaction with humanity. And Human fallibility. An incredibly rewarding watch and rewatch. This is the story of cables and copper wirings. Electric Avenue by @monkeyswithjetpacks. Multi-source robots! Nate’s multi-vids are always so fun, especially when it’s showcasing classic cinema and all these excellent serials. Electric Avenue has source from 1919 to 2015. His editing is always on fucking point. Don’t miss this vid. We’re gonna rock down to electric avenue. Everybody by @kuwdora. Star Trek, the Borg. This vid was actually inspired by the Backstreet Boys original music video. I still have the vivid memory of watching or rewatching the original music video in @ars-amatoria ’s kitchen. And then at some point realizing it is perfect for the Borg. Am I original, am I the only one? Fembots by Grammarwoman. Multi-source. Sexy sharp editing and fun use of all the sources. The intersection of women and technology: a spectrum of clones, AIs, gynoids, cyborgs, and other artificial creations. On by @rhoboat77. Star Trek: Picard. A Soji fanvid. Rho has the sharpest editing skills this side of the Internet and this Soji vid is so fucking badass and worth 100 rewatches. Can’t hold me down cuz you know I’m a fighter. Que Sera Sera by @ohvienna. Star Trek Voyager and Picard. Seven of Nine.Nobody vids their Seven of Nine love like @ohvienna. You gotta watch this if you love Seven. Whatever will be, will be…"

Journey through Space.

To Touch the Face of God by destina. Multi-source. The Right Stuff (1983, )The Dream Is Alive, From the Earth to the Moon (TV).This is one of the most beautiful moving vids you will EVER, and I mean EVER see. From Chuck Yeager, to the Mercury 7, and on to Apollo and the Space Shuttle Program (STS) - a very human history of the triumphs, joys, and tragedies of the USA's journey into space. Doctor Who on Holiday by sisabet. Farscape, Battlestar Galactica and Doctor Who. A mashup vid of Luminosity’s Sci-Fi Friday in a Blender. This vid inspired me so much. And I have 10 very intense ideas about how I would do my own remix of this vid if I were to make it right now. Fly Me To the Moon by thirdblindmouse. Multi-source. This vid has everything! Alien sex! Xenophilia! Zero-gravity sex! Mpreg!!! Because everyone knows this song is about space sex. Game Night in Space by garrideb. Multi-source. This vid!!!!! IS! SO! MUCH! FUN!! Game on! How are you going to spend those long nights on your starship? Play games, of course! Space poker, space chess, space Monopoly… this is a fanvid celebrating game night in space, set to Don't Stop Me Now by Queen. Starships (Monochromatic Remix) by @monkeyswithjetpacks. Multi-source. See the Fanlore page on the history of Starships (Monochromatic Remix). ALSO check out jetpack-monkey’s extensive notes and side-by-side comparison vid of the original vid and his vid!! He matched Starships shot-for-shot! Most brilliant work ever. The vid notes aren’t on the ao3 page so I HIGHLY recommend checking out the notes on his dreamwidth page! This vid is 10 million kinds of brilliant and technical prowess and perfection.

Vidshow Rec

Alien Invasion! - 30 vids curated and organized into a show by @tafadhali for VidUKon 2024. Featuring films and tv shows: Nope, Attack the Block, Pacific Rim, Venom, Doctor Who, Stargate Atlantis, Star Trek, Prey, Smallville, Rowswell, Supergirl, Arrival, Starship Troopers and more.

Follow these tags to keep up with vid recs this summer:

#saturday morning vid recs

#kuwdora recs

A helpful guide I wrote:

How to Leave Feedback on Fanvids

[melkyt]

Spiderman AU - LawLu

Luffy is a perpetually broke college student who is constantly looking for jobs to do. He tends to help around the neighborhood or the several labs around the city. He's studying to be anything that lets him have some adventures. His classes are sporadic and all over the place, and he is going for several degrees. One of those classes is in the science building. So, he has a lot of random interactions with med and science students. He talks to everyone.

Law works at the college as a researcher, having graduated when he was still a kid. He is trying to find a cure to his illness as anything he found until then was just a treatment, not a cure.

He works for the Donquixote family corp that is known around the city for being shitty behind the scenes (oscorp vibes). Law is one of their kids, and most avoid him for that fact alone. So when he tries to find one of the trade kids to help with more physical experiments, they say no.

Luffy overhears this conversation and immediately says yes. He doesn't ask for details. Law doesn't think that anyone not in the trade he's looking for will be useful with the amount of engineering required, but Luffy says he has a friend who can come by, and they can both help.

Luffy and Usopp show up a few days later at a lab tucked away in a part of the city that is not considered great. Luffy grew around there with Ace and Sabo, so he doesn't care, but Usopp is terrified. He grew up just outside a gated community where nobody locked their doors.

Law had given them the code, and they let themselves in. The lab is a mess, there is tech and half-finished experiments all over the place. Tanks with green bubbling liquid it. Law is focused on a microscope.

Luffy notices the bugs being kept in their habitats and immediately beelines it for that area and starts chattering away, asking questions.

Law is surprised by how much Luffy just casually knows about bioengineering and many other topics. Luffy manages to tell what experiment he is doing just from one glance. They talk bugs for a bit until Usopp clears his throat and says that he can only be there for a short few hours and what does Law want him to do.

They work through most of the evening after that. Usopp eventually leaves, but Luffy decides to stick around and talk more bugs with Traffy.

They talk well into the early morning, Law running on energy drinks and willpower crashes around 4 am mid-conversation.

Luffy chuckles, picks the man up as though he weighs nothing and brings him to the office couch, and goes to search for a blanket.

While on his quest, he noticed that one of the bug cages was ajar. Did they bump it when they were working? "Hope the little guy is still there."

It was not. The spider habitat was very much empty. Luffy decides to find it before leaving. First, he gets a blanket for Law though, he grew up with a brother who tends to overwork himself and crash and then get colds, he doesn't want his new friend to get sick.

When he does find the spider by instinct alone. It's calm and crawls up his arm as though they have known each other for years.

Then Law wakes up, he comes out of the room all groggy and asks why Luffy is still there.

The spider gets spooked and bites Luffy, who moves quickly to drop it into its habitat. "Had a little escape." He smiles and pretends that he wasn't just bitten by a potentially poisonous spider.

"Oh, thanks." Law nods. "I'm gonna get some more sleep. You should go home. Classes start soon"

"Yeah, yeah" Luffy waves it off, he still has plenty of energy to go to class and stay up another day.

He leaves Law's lab, takes the subway home, and as soon as he is through the door, he crashes. Much to the alarm of Ace and Sabo, who he shares an apartment with.

When he wakes up again three days later, the doctors blame it on exhaustion. Nobody who knows Luffy buys it, there must be some other explanation. Ace, having lost both his parents to illness, insists that Luffy stays so the doctors run more tests. Luffy says no because it's boring and expensive even though the college job contract pays for his insurance.

So he is driven home, and as soon as Ace and Sabo leave for their obligations, he is out the door. He wants to see Law and say sorry for flaking. He promised and failed. The lab isn't far away, so he can walk. Something he probably shouldn't do right before dark in his neighborhood. Ace often tells him that's how you get shot.

On the way, he doesn't quite pay attention. He hears gunshots, but that's normal. They stop eventually, and he thinks nothing of it until a car comes roaring around the corner. It's too fast, but his body reacts, and he jumps into the air, landing on a nearby building and sticking to the wall.

He has powers from that point on. The first person he visits is Usopp, telling him everything! Then, everyone else in his group of friends, he doesn't keep secrets from them or anyone really. They are going to have a hell of a time trying to keep Luffy is Spiderman a secret xd. He'll tell Ace and Sabo later when they stop fussing over him, almost getting by a car, which is how he started the story.

So after that, he goes to Law's lab, only to find it dark. When Usopp manages to turn on the lights, everything is broken, and there is blood on the floor and walls. Something bad happened here. He knows the blood is Law's

Luffy decides to make this his first case as Spiderman. He and Usopp clean up the lab as best they can and make it their own, looking for clues.

They find out that Doflamingo Donquixote sold this lab to the city and marked it abandoned, and well, it is the city that moves slowly, especially in lower-end neighborhoods. It went into limbo. Nobody owns it now. That also means there is now news of Law or what happened, or where he is now.

Usopp as the constant voice of wisdom (self-proclaimed lol) says they should just leave it and not get involved with DQ Corp, that it is a bad idea.

Luffy just says meh and that he has to find Traffy. He was cool. They talked about bugs all night, and that might as well be a proposal.

So Luffy with Usopp providing the tech support starts going after DQ buildings around town, finding out a lot of crap that they pull and more about Law's situation, that he was practically bought out of college to do illegal experimentation for DQ. They were looking for immortality, and there was an accident. In the files, the law was just labeled a failure and a criminal for getting away with proprietary info.

With no leads, Luffy decides to say fck it and just go on instinct. He swings all around the city until he reaches the docks. There are large pipes leading into the harbor, and one of them has its grate broken.

Luffy goes in without a second thought that it will be dangerous.

Inside is a makeshift lab, stealing power from the dockyard above.

"TRAFFY! I found you." He pulls off his mask. Luffy is absolutely giddy at finding his friend. They may have only known each other for a week and a day, but Luffy knows who he wants even if he only saw them for a minute.

Law jumps and runs, pressing himself into the far corner of the room. 'Don't Look!'

Luffy, of course, ignores him and gets in his personal space. "Heh, you got scales and a tail! That's so cool"

Law relaxes a little bit then more and tells Luffy everything. How he had gotten a breakthrough in the immortality serum he was making for Doflamingo and he needed a test subject even though DQ would provide him with what they called 'disposable personnel'. Law wasn't about to let them do that, so he used it on himself, partially out of desperation as his treatments stopped working. It cured him, but the side effect was he was more lizard than human now and also wanted dead so Doffy could dissect him to see what made him tick. As Law destroyed any notes and had no intention of telling him, the side effects were too much to allow human testing, which is the next step to work out the problems.

Luffy only half listens, snapping awake when Law is done and telling him to leave that it is not his problem.

"Nuhuh, I like you, Traffy! Come on. My friends can help yah." He puts on his mask and lifts Law as though he still weighs nothing despite the tail adding more than a couple of pounds.

"Wait, don't just--" Law tries to complain, push away, that is until they are flying through the air. Then he clings, he is not good with heights.

Luffy brings them to the dorm, building his friends are at, going for the common room where they are all gathered, just relaxing.

He sets Law on the couch, "Hey guys, this is Traffy, he's gonna be my boyfriend!"

"What? No, I'm not!" Law snaps, bearing his new fangs, scales glisten in the light. He realizes they are all staring at him, he tries to hide his tail.

"Aw, why not" Luffy crouches with a pout "Dont you like me?"

"I went along with your bullshit because I need help with all this" He gestures all over himself.

"Yeah, we'll help, but I also like you, Traffy, that's how I found you!" Luffy says it with full confidence.

"Argue with Luffy later," Nami interjects. "He's not gonna drop it"

"Yeah, dinner is almost ready anyway." Zoro opens one eye to look over from the couch where he is chilling.

"Food!" Luffy throws off his mask and runs toward the kitchen.

"Dont you all care?" Law looks around, confused that they aren't freaking out.

"Luffy's a spider. You being a lizard might as well be normal." Nami shrugs, taking some chips out of a bowl on the coffee table.

And thats that, they let him into their makeshift family as though he has always been there.

They talk about their plan, Luffy's being just to break in and punch Doflamingo in his stupid bird face and tell him to leave his 'future boyfriend' alone. He always says it with such confidence that Law almost agrees every time, but he holds back.

When not talking about destroying the biggest corp in the city, they talk about science and biology as Law tries to revert his condition. Luffy adds new ideas that Law would have never even thought of. They are highly experimental and impractical but genius.

These discussions usually end in Law curled up in Luffy's arms, tail around his waist as they fall asleep. This arrangement made both Law and Luffy have something akin to a good sleeping schedule.

In time, they take down DQ, it's a dramatic fight with Luffy getting injured so much that he has to recover for a whole week even with his healing abilities.

When he wakes up again, Law is there at his bedside, wearing a fancy oversized coat to hide his tail.

Luffy grins. "Will you be my boyfriend now, Traffy?"

With the right of Doffy's control gone, he's free, and for the first time, he feels comfortable enough to say yes. Their fight is not over yet, but now they are together, for whatever comes next in making the city free.

[winterspiderpurrs]

Bucky squinted at the diary entry he did. Why does it look like the name is blurred out for Spiderman, almost like it was erased with a bad eraser. He knows he met the guy before. Fought beside him and then attended the funeral. No way that guy showed up to Tony Stark's funeral in his jumpsuit.

Was his mind playing tricks on him or was he just delusional. No. Hydra might have high jacked his mind as one point but he made sure to get control. Wakanda made sure of that. He controlled his mind and his memories . He thinks at least.

Something had to be to be going on. And he knows just the guy to question about this. A few days later he ends up in the sanctum. That shit he saw on the news with Doctor Strange and Spiderman at the statue of liberty. It HAD to be something like that. There was no way its not related.

He remembered waking up in the middle of the night, something had spooked him. And that doesn't happen. He couldn't shake the feeling that something had happened. Then he saw the news. He didn't think much of it at the time, New York has always brought trouble.

"Hey Doc"

Stephen raised an eyebrow as he eyed the man formally known as the Winter Soldier. He had only seen him in passing; fight along side him, and never thought they would have reason to interact with each other again. No world ending issues pending hopefully.

"Sargent Barnes, what can I do for you?"

" You know Hydra wiped my mind a lot. Got a lot of looses bolts running around in there. But ever since I escaped… well..I keep a journal of everything. Nothing was going to rob me of my memories again"

"And what does that have to do with this visit?"

"Well there are spaces and gaps in there… that shouldn't be. I remember EVERYTHING that happened when I was the winter soldier. EVERYTHING. So how come I don't remember Spiderman. I met him. Saw him. Yet I can't remember what he looks like - and I know... I have a feeling that I have SEEN his face before, behind the mask."

Stephen had a feeling of dread in the pit of his stomach. At times he felt this longing sensation when he saw news clippings of Spiderman and his adventures around New York. Like he too was missing something but he doesn't know what. But in this hero business you stay out of each others way unless you need help.

"And you want me to check to see if there is a spell that I can check your memories?"

" I don't know if that's the situational. But that night you helped Spiderman out at the statue of liberty? I woke up in a cold sweat like something … touched my mind. "

"And you didn't think to come any earlier?"

" I was busy, and if something happened to my mind, how am I know if I am forgetting something I didn't even know I was forgetting."

Stephen frowns and then looks around the sanctum, this was an interesting problem he was facing. Maybe he should look into this.

" Lets go to the meditation room, I need to check you for spells and see what I can find."

They walked into one of the back rooms. Stephen points to a spot of the floor.

" Stand there"

Bucky felt apprehensive about this. But he didn't want anyone messing with his mind. He was the one in control, but if this magician had any tricks up his sleeve to see what was going on. He had to take this chance, he already told Sam to keep an eye out for him. In-case anything goes south.

Stephen stands across the room, he stares at Bucky fora moment, before he starts moving his hands. Thin blue wisps of light flowed through the air, spinning around in front of Stephen before they darted off to circle around Bucky. He frowned in concentration as the light spin all around Bucky. It turns Orange. Yes a spell was cast on Bucky.

"What does orange mean?"

"You have a spell on you.."

Bucky growls, balling his fist up.

" Who did it? Can it be removed?"

Stephen moved his arms again in a different pattern, and the wisps of light swirl and then fly straight towards him, circling him and turning red this time.

" Apparently I did… But I have no memory of this…"

"you cast a spell you have no memory of and some how MY memories are affected?"

Stephen starts pacing and moving his arms around more, more and more wisps of light show through, and turn in a ball before little lines start branching off.

" This spell is on this whole world… what in the.."

"Why would you cast a spell… that makes everyone forget.. what are we forgetting?"

The pit in Stephens stomach grows, he frowns ,and with the flick of his hand a light spark appeared before a book comes flying into the room. The pages to flipping, he starts an incantation from the page, moving his arms still.

The room starts to fill with sounds. Loud crashing noises, screams. Then they hear it, a voice speaks then Stephens own voice

" Make everyone forget me"

"No "

"But it would work right"

"Yeah it would work.... but you gotta understand, that would mean everyone who knows and loves you, we... we'd have no memories of you. It would be as though you never existed"

" I know.... do it" Stephen feels tears starting to prick at the corner of his eyes.

**************************

@papermacherainbow thank you showing me how to sprint! This is what I worked on the other night! Heavily edited though.

[be-with-me-so-happily]

Chapter 7

Series Summary: There are moments in our lives that have a major impact. The interactions, the adventures, and the love, all make up who we are. But when Harry can't remember those moments with YN, they are both left wondering what that means for themselves and their relationship.

Chapter Summary: This is (again) from Harry's point of view. Oh Harry, honey, has dug himself a hole and now he has to climb out of it. Does he actually have a chance? Does one memory regained mean anything for the rest of them?

~~~~~

Chapter Warnings: Some explicit language, doctor appointment, ANGSTY ANGST

~~~~~

Time. And Torment.

That's all Harry has had since discovering his feelings for YN. Well, besides the doctor's appointment he has today.

"So, Harry, how have you been feeling lately?" Dr. Green asks.

Physically he's fine. Emotionally, he's bruised. Bruised and bleeding, to give a more accurate description. It's just a shame that Dr. Green can't do anything to fix that.

"Alright I guess." He answers, looking down at his lap as he sits across from her, a sigh slipping out before he can catch it.

"Hmm." She answers, jotting down notes on her computer, her reaction not providing much hint of belief. "And what about your memory?"

"Actually…" His eyes glance up at hers. "I did have one memory come to my mind last week."

"That's great." She replies, though Harry would not agree considering the context of said memory, and the fact that it wasn't one of the more important or more recent ones that he should be experiencing. "I don't want to get your hopes up, but it is a good sign. More could come back, slowly over time or very suddenly. Either way, it could be overwhelming, so just be aware of that."

He almost scoffs at the mention of something being overwhelming, as he isn't sure much could compare to what he has been going through lately.

"I think that's all we need to discuss. Do you have any concerns?"

If only she could help him repair a hurting heart, or two.

•••

"You're really not even coming tonight?" Mitch asks Harry, sitting on the couch at his and Sarah's place.

"I just don't see why I would." He responds, mildly annoyed that this is probably the fifth time since Harry got there that Mitch has asked him this same question.

"Because I want you to meet two of the singers performing tonight…" Mitch states, discontinuing strumming on his guitar.

Harry sighs at the thought of going to the opening night of Aman's bar. He doesn't know, or at least doesn't remember the owner, but he does know who will inevitably be there. It's not that Harry doesn't want to see YN, it's actually the opposite, but the week that he knew she was away just caused him even more doubt that he deserves a second chance. He knows it could hurt him to see her and not have her, but he also knows it could cause her the same pain, even though she isn't aware of what he truly wants now.

"M'just… not feeling up to it." He replies, unsure if Mitch knows the deeper meaning behind his answer. He runs a hand through his hair and tilts his head to meet Mitch's gaze.

"Alright, alright." Mitch sighs. "But you should meet them at some point. Ny Oh and Elin are really good."

"Yeah. Maybe we can just… set something up for later."

Sarah walks over holding a dish and three plates. She sets it all down and hands Harry a plate full, when he notices what she's serving. He glares at her and she shrugs her shoulders.

"Hey… I finally learned how to do it… now I wanna make it all the time!" She chuckles, cutting herself a slice of her second attempt at YN's famous casserole and handing the plate to Mitch.

"You're ridiculous." Harry scoffs, taking a moment to look at the food and sighing before he takes a bite. It doesn't taste exactly the same, it probably never could, but he finds a little comfort in the meal, now that he knows it was created by her, and for him.

He begins to frown at himself, but catches it before his friends see. He isn't mad, he is simply surprised that he feels so strongly for YN, someone that his mind has told him he's only known for a month or so. He's beginning to think that while his brain may not acknowledge those old memories of her, but that it could still hold onto those old feelings, and maybe now they are seeping through.

"Aman did say that we can play some gigs there anytime, if we want to." Sarah states, snapping Harry out of his rabbit hole of thoughts.

"Yeah. Maybe." He slightly agrees. "What… umm… what songs do we usually play?"

"Well…" The couple look at each other as they answer in unison, and Sarah gets up, walking back to their bedroom and returning with a folder full of papers. As she comes around the couch again, she hands it to Harry.

"These are the usuals, and a few new ones that you boys wrote recen-... well, recently for us, I guess. Completely new to you."

Harry flips through the sheet music, seeing a few Fleetwood Mac songs, and covers of some more recent music. He flips a page over and lands on a few that he doesn't recognize, assuming they must be ones that the band has recently written.

"Ours?" He asks, holding up a few pages, but continuing to scan the words with his eyes. The lyrics are ones he can see himself writing with Mitch, the way he expresses his emotions, and he continues to read. The first one certainly doesn't have the tone of love or joy in it, especially considering it's called 'Two Ghosts', and it seems fitting. As he reads over the last line, he comes to the conclusion that this was most likely about Tabitha. At least a good song came out of that horrible situation.

He doesn't even acknowledge any answer or statement that his friends may have given, as he becomes engrossed in reading the lyrics of the second page in his hand. This one is the complete opposite, full of passion and desire.

"Who wrote this one?" He looks up to Mitch and flips the paper over to show the sheet music with the title 'Medicine'.

Sarah and Mitch look at each other and Harry notices the obvious look of mischief between them. It is clear to him that it means the song is about their relationship, although the lyrics do seem a bit more outgoing than their natural personalities.

"Okay you two, I get it. It's your song." He chuckles, only to be met with dual looks of confusion and debate from each of his friends.

"No, man. That's yours, too…" Mitch smirks. "That's about YN."

A tightness forms inside, but Harry determines that it is not one of any negative emotion, but giddiness instead. He figured he has written songs about her, that's what he does, but now he can see, read, and understand what he felt for her in that moment. As he determined before, it's full of passion and desire.

"Oh!" He finally responds, flickering his gaze between his friends and one of his forgotten songs, chuckling at himself as he rereads the words yet again. "I was pretty whipped huh?"

"Wouldn't say whipped… but you two are constantly, adorably, and almost disgustingly drawn to each other." Sarah replies with a mild giggle under her breath.

"And she gets you out of the house, out of your comfort zone! That's the point of the song. I wasn't joking when I said she made you more fun." Mitch laughs, receiving a sharp elbow into his ribcage from Sarah.

Harry sighs, knowing that not only do the lack of memories prevent him from having that with YN, but now his idiotic actions have too. He can't help but wonder about all the things he is missing out on now.

"Harry..." Sarah states softly. "I still think you should try to talk to her."

Harry simply responds with a shrug. He doesn't want to give up, it's getting harder to wrap his head around the idea that he's lost his chance. But the idea of possibly hurting her again is even stronger. What if he never regains his memories? What if he can't be as good as the Harry she knows him to be? What if she decides he doesn't measure up to who he once was? That last thought is obviously full of concern for his own heart, but it's one he can't help thinking about.

"She deserves better." He shakes his head, the sadness once again seeping back in and taking over the moment of contentment that he had just been experiencing.

"She wants y-"

"Sarah." Mitch interrupts, shooting her a quick glance, and Harry drops his gaze. "Look, man, we just want you to be happy, both of you. That's all."

"I know." He nods in reply. Maybe it is due to a bit of self-preservation of himself to not jump at the chance to reach out to her, but he really does believe she should always be put first. From what he's heard, and personally experienced, she always takes care of others. She is owed her own happiness, and being the one taken care of. Not that she can't do that for herself, she is plenty capable, but that doesn't mean she has to and that she needs to all of the time. She deserves a partner who is always there for her, and he wasn't. He tries to cut himself some slack, considering his injury, but it's becoming less and less of a valid excuse for him. Because, memory loss or not, he didn't treat her right and she does deserve better.

"I want her to be happy too."

•••

Harry's phone sits on the kitchen counter, only just within arms reach, as he does his best to avoid scrolling through social media to get any glimpse of the events unfolding at BarCode tonight.

The book in his hands was a decent distraction for a while, but as he looks up from the current page it is open to, he realizes he hasn't absorbed any information from that entire chapter.

"Bloody hell, what's wrong with me?" He whispers to himself, resting his face in his palms as his elbows keep him propped up.

"You're in love, you blithering idiot." He hears from behind him, swiveling around on the kitchen bar stool to be met with an eye roll from his older sister. "Even if you don't remember."

"I just don't see how… that's possible…" He responds, not fully convincing even himself, considering how he has begun to believe that his mind is still holding onto those feelings, even if they are locked away with his memories. Maybe it isn't love yet, or again in this case, but what he is feeling is certainly stronger than he imagined it would be at this point, and he can't seem to reel it in. He's not sure he wants to, except for the fact that he's not able to express it to YN.

Another eye roll from Gemma is sent his way, accompanied by a head shake.

Suddenly, she pushes his book to the side and replaces it with the photo album his mum had flipped through on his first day out of hospital. It is open to a page filled with photos of Harry, Mitch, and Sarah performing on different stages. Alongside most of them are candid polaroids of YN as she watches from the crowd, with a beaming smile on her face and her hands thrown up as she dances.

He smiles as his eyes flicker over each one and he feels an intense flutter in his chest. It's familiar, he's felt it before, not that he can pinpoint the exact time or place it occurred.

"You should just go, Harry. At least see her, and then decide what you want to do."

"I just-"

"I'm the oldest, so you have to do it!" She interrupts, pushing her fist against his shoulder.

"That's not how sibling-ship works…"

"Okay, but Mum actually agrees too, so… you have to do what she says." She chuckles, placing her hands on her hips as she attempts to strengthen her point.

He glares and growls, frustrated with the fact that they are right, and that he actually does want to go. Also frustrated with the fact that they seem to know this, that they think they can tell him what to do, and that it is working.

"This is stupid." He states blankly, slowly getting off of the bar stool, not entirely sure if he is following her advice (more like demand) yet or not.

"Yeah, well, it's you." She sarcastically replies, getting closer and grabbing his elbow. "But… it's really not. Just… see how it goes, yeah? I'm heading that way anyway, so I can drop you off."

"How convenient." He sighs, finally caving into her suggestion, grabbing a coat as he follows her out the door.

•••

The entire car ride was filled with anxiety, however it disappears when he meets up with Mitch and Sarah, hearing that they haven't seen YN all night. He isn't quite sure if he is relieved or saddened that he won't get to confront her tonight. At least he will have the chance to talk to the band members his friends have been so adamant that he meet.

He focuses on the song they begin to play, already liking their vibe, and allowing himself to relax. This night out could do him some good after all, even if it isn't how he wanted it to go.

As the song ends and they set up for the next, Harry unintentionally scans the room for familiar faces, thoroughly aware it's YN's that he is seeking out. He sighs in defeat, figuring out that Mitch and Sarah had been right, and she wasn't there.

A familiar laugh suddenly draws his attention to the back of the bar, closer to the stage. He steps side to side and stretches his neck to get a view of where it came from. His gaze finds a few people sitting on a velvet couch, tucked against the side wall, and his eyes instantly land on YN. His breath hitches, filled with both excitement and anxiety from actually seeing her there. As much as he disliked the idea of her not being there, the fact that she actually is has made his body freeze. However, it gives him a chance to look her over. She looks good in her oversized sweater and skirt, with thigh high boots. Pretty and comfortable, which is exactly how he's known her to be over the past few weeks.

The idea and urge to talk to her instantly overwhelms him. He can, and he wants to, and he should. At least he can give her an apology, and maybe some clarity. And if he isn't given the chance to redeem himself, then he will settle for the fact that he tried. It's ultimately her decision of course, and he would never force anything on her, especially since she was so gracious to do the same for him. But maybe, just maybe, he could do right by her. It's about time that he did.

His confidence isn't at an adequate level to get him to move that way, so he heads to the restroom to gather himself.

He cups cold water in his hands and splashes it over his face, shocking his system and waking it up to be prepared for what will take place. As he dries off, he takes some deep breaths, running over a few specific things he wants to say to her, no matter what happens.

As he walks back out into the main area, that same laugh catches his attention again, this time much closer than before. He searches around and finds her again, now standing at the bar and chatting with Adhira. A small sense of relief washes over him, thankful that she is with someone that he knows, which will hopefully lessen the awkwardness of this encounter.

He stops in his tracks when he sees someone approaching them. The guy first gives Adhira a quick hug, and his heart sinks as he notices the excitement in YN as he then wraps one arm around her shoulders and gives her a quick kiss on her cheek.

"What?" He whispers under his breath, his heart sinking further and his chest tightening. As beautiful as her smile is, the sight of it in this moment is paining him to the point that his knees might buckle. She's happy, which is what he wants for her, but it's not with him and it's with someone else, which is definitely not what he was hoping for. Now it's clear that he has lost his opportunity. It's over, and it's probably what he deserves.

He quickly makes his way back over to his friends, knowing he won't be able to survive being there much longer.

"I've got to go." He states as he reaches them.

"Ny Oh and Elin are almost done, dude." Mitch replies, giving Harry an inquisitive look at his sudden anxious demeanor.

"M'sorry. I just… I can't be here." He responds, suddenly hearing YN laugh once more, and turning his head slightly towards the noise, before catching it and snapping his gaze back to Mitch.

Sarah looks past him.

"YN's here. I thought you wanted to talk to her…" She questions, but Harry shakes his head as he hears what he assumes is the laugh of the guy who now has her attention. "I think she's with-"

"Yeah I don't need to know." He snaps, frowning at Sarah before patting Mitch on the back. "I'll meet the ladies another time. Promise. I just can't stick around."

"But I think that's-"

"Please." Harry puts his hand up to Sarah, hoping his gesture will give her the hint that he wants as little information as possible about the situation occurring behind him, with the one person he wishes he could be having that with. "M'gonna go. I'll talk to you later."

He turns around and hurriedly walks towards the entrance, stopping before he walks through, taking one more glance at the bar and one more glance at YN before he leaves. His heart stops when he sees her head twist around and catch his gaze for just a second, then doing a double take and meeting his eyes. A large lump in his throat, and an intense amount of embarrassment, instantly form inside and he quickly leaves the venue that he never wanted to be at in the first place.

His friends were wrong, his sister was wrong, and he was wrong. Going there and trying to talk to her was a mistake, he has already lost his chance. But he supposes that the one good thing that has come from it is that now he knows.

•••

He slams the front door as he enters his mum's house, heading straight to his childhood room. He isn't mad, he shouldn't be at least, and it isn't directed towards YN. He's angry with himself, but that's not a new feeling anyway, it's just become stronger.

"Harry! What-"

"Mum, I just need… I just…" He begins to growl, again not at anyone but himself. His emotions are running so high he doesn't even want to be in anyone else's presence, for his sake and theirs. "I just need a shower and to go to bed."

"Alright. I'm here if you need me." She replies softly, an obvious worried tone in her voice, and he closes the bedroom door behind him. He plops down to sit on the edge of his bed, throwing his palms up to his face.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck." He growls to himself. He doesn't want to just sit there in his thoughts any longer, so he gets up, grabs a pair of sweats, and heads into the bathroom. Not that those thoughts will halt in any way, but maybe the routine of a shower can put a temporary distraction on them.

He steps in as it reaches the perfect temperature, immediately letting the water wash over his face and through his hair. His arms shoot out and he pushes his palms against the shower, suddenly feeling dizzy, and stopping himself from falling. He hates this, he hates himself, he doesn't even want to be around himself, and he can't blame YN for not wanting to be either. Though he really, really wishes she would.

His fingers start tapping against the wall he is holding himself up against, trying to bring himself back to the task the shower was supposed to provide him- distraction. Unintentionally, he starts to tap a beat and begins to hum along. It feels sad, but what else would it feel like considering his current emotions, and he uses it as an anchor to finish his cleansing routine, even if it's only physical.

But even as he turns off the water and dries himself with his towel, the melody continues to play in his mind, as if it's in tune with his soul.

He drops down backwards onto his bed, covering his face with his arms resting across it, as the tune continues to play in his mind. However, thoughts of YN accompany it and he understands the melody is fueled by his feelings for her.

What does he do? If he didn't really know who he was before, he definitely doesn't know now. He wanted to be who YN had known him to be, or at least be someone she'd now want to be with. He feels his heart sinking again, falling down out of his chest to somewhere he can't reach.

What am I now?

What am I now?

What if I'm someone I don't want around?

I'm falling again

I'm falling again

I'm falling

But it looks like she doesn't want that anymore. He's lost his chance. Now she'll eventually move on, and he will just be a memory to her.

What if I'm down?

What if I'm out?

What if I'm someone you won't talk about

I'm falling again

I'm falling again

I'm falling

As much as he doesn't want to move, he pushes himself off the bed, and rummages through the closet to find the box of notebooks that Adhira had given back to him over a week ago.

He opens the one on top, flipping through to find the next blank page. He grabs a pen from the nightstand and his guitar he had displayed in the corner of the room, and sits back down on the edge of the bed.

His hand begins to scribble furiously as he jots down the words that were just flowing through his mind, feeling the slightest bit of weight release from his shoulders as he engages in the best way he knows how to express his feelings. He puts down the pen and begins to strum some chords on his guitar. As his chest squeezes tightly, he opens his mouth to reveal the words his heart just worried itself with.

And I get the feeling that you'll never need me again

"Fuck." He mutters, realizing he is unable to continue this song writing journey at the moment. He puts down the guitar onto the bed, and as he begins to close the journal, a curiosity fills him. He wonders what the last song written down was.

He flips the page backwards and reads over the lyrics, noticing the chords marked above them. So he picks the guitar back up, looking over the first verse and beginning to strum.

Walking your rainbow paradise

Strawberry lipstick state of mind

I get so lost inside your eyes

Would you believe it?

He instantly comes to the conclusion that this is about YN, since it describes her perfectly. The rainbow representing her bright and fun personality, the strawberry lipstick line speaks for itself as her lips were always that color, and he realizes he did get lost in her eyes on occasion, especially during the party at Sarah and Mitch's place. It was a big part of the reason why he kissed her that night.

You don't have to say you love me

You don't have to say nothing

You don't have to say you're mine

He must've been terrified writing this, but not in a bad way. It sounds like it could be about the first time he told her he loved her, but something inside him just knows there's more to it.

Honey

I'd walk through fire for you

Just let me adore you

Oh honey

I'd walk through fire for you

Just let me adore you

Like it's the only thing I'd ever do

Like it's the only thing I'd ever do

He pauses for a moment. He understands that he wrote these lyrics for her, but realizes that's exactly how she's been treating him since the accident. He didn't have to say any of the words she wanted to hear, but she still loved and adored him as much as he was comfortable with.

She probably would've done it forever if he had let her. He's an idiot for not, and he wishes he could do that for her now. If he's honest with himself, he had adored her since they met, something about her just made him want to do anything for her. After that first day at the cafe, he couldn't get her off of his mind, which is why he went back the next day.

Harry straightens up and almost drops the guitar on the floor. His heart races which is then quickly accompanied by his breathing. He remembers the time they met. He remembers her profusely apologizing for spilling her coffee on him, and being enamored by how cute she was talking about her cupcake's purpose and how she likes life sweet. This isn't just a replay from when she explained their first meeting, this is certainly a memory, because she did not include those details when she talked about it. He picks the guitar back up again, hands a little shaky this time, and continues to play the next verse.

You're wonder under summer skies

Brown skin and lemon over ice

Would you believe it?

Jamaica. That was about Jamaica, when he and Sarah joined the program to teach kids how to read sheet music, asking YN and Mitch to join them. They would have the weekends off and just relax on the beach, her entire being just glowing in the sun, and he was so grateful he got to be the one to enjoy it with her. He had wanted to hold onto that feeling forever.

You don't have to say you love me

I just wanna tell you something

Lately you've been on my mind

He stops playing again and this time does drop the guitar, the sound of it hitting the floor muffled by the ache that screams throughout his body.

"Oh god." He whines. "No. Fuck!"

He drops to his knees, landing on the floor next to his guitar on one side and the box on the other. He had written the song after that trip. He knew he was utterly in love with her and had to get it out on paper for her to have forever.

"No, please, no." He mumbles again, turning to the box and furiously pushing notebooks aside, looking for what he was actually hoping wasn't there. This is the one time he didn't want a memory to come back, or to be true. Because if it's true, it'll be torture, and will continue to torture him for the rest of his life. If it's true, it means he really has lost everything.

"No!" He shouts, finding what he was looking for, but what he was also hoping wasn't there.

He picks up the leather sunglass case, opening an unraveling the cotton padding, and tears start streaming down his face.

"No." He sobs quietly, bending over at his waist and holding the case to his chest.

His door bursts open and he looks over to barely make out the figure of his mum standing in the doorway.

"Oh my god, Harry!" She exclaims, rushing to his side and dropping to her knees as she flings her arms around him, not yet knowing why he needs the comfort. "What's wrong?"

He pulls himself back enough to remove the padding from the case and unwrap it in his palm. He closes his eyes, the tears burning as they run down his cheeks, and feels Anne reposition herself to hold him as tight as she can.

"Oh, sweetheart." She simply states. "You didn't tell me."

"I… didn't… tell anyone…" He cries out, his heart now completely broken due to what he has lost. "No one knew I was going to propose."

~~~~~

Series Masterlist

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[teetle-time]

Time Is All We Have

A Doctor Who x Rise of the TMNT Xover interest check/story prologue because i'm losing all control of my life lmao

Quick mini-primer for where in both timelines we are:

Non-teetle fixaters, you can just watch the first few minutes of the Rise movie. Bad future timeline shenanigans wahoo! You should probably also get a feel for the regular present timeline from the show if you can, though we won't be directly interacting with it for a quite a bit. Because Reasons. :)

Non-Who fixaters, we're rolling with David Tennant Doctor The First and the companion named Martha Jones. The name similarity to the Casey Joneses makes me giggle, especially now that I've watched through the (REDACTED) episodes where she ends up with some more Caseys parallels. Those haven't happened yet for her though lmao. Frankly, she's only had a few episodes'-worth of adventures with the Doctor by this point. :)

anyway. shoutout to my brother purpletango for having this idea. i believe what i hurriedly jotted down in my notepad app went like this:

the rise movie begins, mikey gets ready to send junior back in time- -and something goes wrong. welp, the gateway's there now. may as well use it. junior gets yeeted through (and my brain is now adding the idea of leo realizing something's up and going with him) and junior (and maybe leo) land…in the TARDIS. now they gotta get back to earth (hoping they're at least in the right dimension) to find the key and stop the krang. NO PRESSURE LMFAO

with a lil tweaking to the premise that just sorta happened as i was writing, i'm now at 26k words of combined fic and notes. it has been 2.5 weeks. i am nowhere near done. help lmao

gonna be doing something a bit funky with the tardis here just to get the ball rolling. idk if it's a canon thing that can happen but if it's not then shshshshshshsh just pretend with me. take my hand

〜

Almost exactly twelve hours prior to the moment he died, when the rest of what remained of the Resistance had been asleep and it had only been the turtles awake to keep watch, Michelangelo had looked to his big brother and said, "We can't beat them, can we?"

Last night, Leonardo had swallowed and given a slight shake of his head. "We can't."

"They've even stolen the night sky from us somehow," Michelangelo had said, lifting his gaze to the cloudless, crimson sky. "Look, there's no stars anymore."

"When did that happen?" Leonardo had asked under his breath. "We still had at least a handful last I checked…"

"Sometime since the last time we had enough peace and quiet at night to actually look up. I'd say…in the past few weeks?" Michelangelo had suggested.

There had been silence for a long moment after that, broken only by the quiet, deep breathing of the few who were left, as well as the shifting of Michelangelo's cloak as he scooted a bit closer to his brother.

Between the two of them, Leonardo and Michelangelo had enough organic fingers and toes to count everyone else who'd survived the past twenty-odd years. Then again, with only two toes on each foot, three fingers on each hand, and three organic hands left to use…well. Less than twenty wasn't exactly an army.

Casey had shifted in his sleep, eventually, mumbling something incoherent the way his mother always had.

Leonardo had swallowed.

Michelangelo had pulled his gaze back down to Earth and looked at him.

"The Krang won't give us the mercy of dying," Leonardo had said grimly. "Not if they can help it."

"They won't," Michelangelo had agreed.

"The others chose to fight with us. Humans, yokai, and mutants. Even Todd. Never would've expected him of all yokai to be so kickass, back in the day. But…this is all Casey's ever known," Leonardo had continued.

"It is."

There had been a shifting in the shadows off in the distance, then, and while it had turned out to be easily taken care of, it had still put a pause on the brothers' conversation for a bit.

When they'd gotten back, but before they'd woken the others and gotten moving again, Leonardo had nailed Michelangelo with a solemn look. "We can't avoid this forever, but Casey…"

"I know you're not talking about that thing we talked about never talking about," Michelangelo had said, raising the ridges of his brows for a deadpan look and a wry smile.

Leonardo had jabbed an elbow into his plastron with a thick snicker…but he hadn't denied it.

Michelangelo had sobered up, then. "Oh."

"Do you think you can do it?" Leonardo had asked as he'd knelt to shake April awake, pausing before he did to meet Michelangelo's eyes.

"I know I can," Michelangelo had said, remaining quiet about how 'it' would very likely be the end of him.

They'd both already known as much.

"When?"

"I-I don't know. When things look bleakest," Leonardo had tried. "If it comes down to us. If it's just you and somebody else. If…if it's just you."

Michelangelo had nodded, then put a hand on his brother's carapace. "The Krang'll get front-row seats to Earth's very own home-grown sun. And that's a Doctor Delicate Touch guarantee."

"Wouldn't expect anything less, little man," Leonardo had chuckled. "Give 'em a light show that'll have 'em running scared."

"I can fly, Leo. And 'little man' was always Raph's thing," Michelangelo had snickered, reaching down to wake Casey. "Hey, Casey, we gotta get moving. Mind waking up and reminding your sensei that I win all height contests forever, no take-backs?"

The noise had begun rousing the others, and Leonardo had scoffed. "Turning my own student against me, Mikey? Low blow."

"Nah," April had said from where she lay. "This is a low blow."

She had snapped an arm out to smack Leonardo's shin, and the rest of the survivors had woken to quiet laughter.

It had been nice.

The last moment of calm within the storm.

In the present, Michelangelo winced as the mystic energies swirling through him reached a crescendo, but still pushed further, digging his fingers into the fabric of reality and wrenching it apart.

With Leonardo wounded, everyone else outnumbered, and Krang closing in on all sides, it was definitely pretty bleak.

There was no better time to make a time gateway than when there was no time left, after all.

His heart pounded in his tympana, loudly enough he almost could have sworn it echoed, a thud-thud-thud-thud that wanted to shake him to the core.

For a moment, with the Krang bearing down on him, his brother, and his nephew, it felt like he was losing his grip.

Casey's voice managed to overpower the thud-thud-thud-thud: "Master Michelangelo, no! You're gonna-!"

He knew.

How could he not, with light cracking his skin and his scales into little flakes of dust on the wind?

But Casey…he was the future.

The best of all of them.

As long as Casey would be okay, Michelangelo could do anything. Would do anything.

He turned his head back over his shoulder for one last look.

Casey looked horrified.

Leonardo looked resigned.

There was no one else left.

(He didn't want to go.)

Michelangelo smiled and gave his family a cheeky little wink, then turned his attention to the time gateway in front of him, threw his arms out to his sides with one last heave-!

-and like Earth's very own home-grown supernova, like the very last star in the universe, he imploded into golden light.

〜

Leonardo felt himself shatter inside as Mikey disintegrated and the time gate stabilized, but the Krang were still closing in.

"Casey, when you're done saving the world, do me a favor," he said, putting a hand on the kid's shoulder.

Casey looked up at him with wide eyes. "Sensei, don't-!"

Leonardo just smiled sadly and shifted his grip from comforting to more of a ready to throw.

He ignored the fire in his side and the trickle of blood down his plastron as he hurled Casey into the gateway. "Grab a slice-!"

"NO!"

Casey's scream was the only warning Leonardo had before the wrist-strapped grapple (standard issue, at least before Donnie had gone out with a bang) streaked back out of the portal, latched onto Leonardo's good shoulder, and yanked him off his feet.

"Whoawhoawhoawhoawhoa-!"

The deafening thrum of a Krang laser and a flash of heat at his back told Leonardo exactly how he should have died, but the sensations vanished just as quickly as they'd appeared, leaving only the golden light of Michelangelo's ninpo and the silhouette a few yards away that told Leonardo where Casey was.

Leo almost let himself go limp in the rushing mass of energy as it faded from golden-orange to something more bluish-gray.

Almost.

Instead, however, he grit his teeth against the way his wound flared up and started swimming for Casey.

The light around them grew brighter with no signs of stopping.

By the time Leo reached the kid, he had to screw his eyes shut to avoid going blind.

He managed to grab Casey's hand, then wrap himself protectively around him-

-and then some kind of metal grating slammed against his carapace, his head snapped back, and he knew only darkness.

〜

The Doctor blinked at the sudden sound of beeping. "Oh? That doesn't sound right."

"Doctor? What is it?" asked Martha.

"I'm getting an alert," said he, darting over to one of the TARDIS' monitors for a look. "An alert that there's a lifeform catapulting through the timestream almost completely unprotected- two! Two lifeforms!"

Martha blinked. "What? How did that happen?"

"I don't know, but if we want to find out, we'd best get them onboard before whatever shielding they do have is eroded away." The Doctor studied the monitor for a moment more, then slid around the console and started throwing the appropriate levers and flicking the appropriate switches. "I need to focus on getting close- would you mind peeking out the doors to make sure my aim isn't off?"

"On it!"

The Doctor grinned, then turned his focus back to steering. "Aaalright then! They ought to be coming up just ahead, maybe a smidge to our left-!"

"I see them!" Martha called. "One of them- one looks human!"

The Doctor blinked, then looked up. "Only the one?"

Martha nodded, not tearing her eyes from the window. "The other looks almost like a turtle! Except, well, it's person-sized!"

"Curiouser and curiouser," the Doctor mused. Then, looking back down at the console, "Well, I think the simplest course of action would be to just…scoop them up!"

Martha glanced his way in confusion. "What, just open the door and grab 'em?"

"Exactly. You'll want to be quick and precise," the Doctor recommended. "Good to know we're on the same page."

After a moment to process what he'd said, Martha nodded slowly. "…right."

The Doctor carefully piloted the TARDIS close, and as he watched the energy readings of the two lifeforms get close enough, he heard Martha open the door, then yelp in surprise as something hard hit the metal flooring with a clang.

"Sensei?!" squawked the thick and emotional voice of a pubescent human boy.

"Oh, my," said the Doctor, skirting the edge of the console as he jogged over for a look.

Immediately, he could tell that whatever the circumstances were that had led to the two strangers being catapulted into the timestream, they had not been pretty. Between the apocalyptic fashion and weaponry, the fact that the turtle had seemingly been curled around the boy until losing consciousness, and the sight of tear tracks on the boy's face…well, a billboard would have been less obvious.

The boy glanced between the Doctor and Martha, wide eyes quickly shifting into suspicion as he slid off "Sensei's" plastron and placed himself between the turtle and the Doctor. "Who are you? What do you want with us? Are you with the Krang?"

Huh. He sounded American.

"Krang?" asked Martha, turning to him. "Doctor, what's a Krang?"

The Doctor frowned, mulling the word over. "Krang? Krang, Krang, KrangKrangKrang… Can't say I recognize the name. Bit of a shocker, really, and somewhat worrisome."

The boy's face spasmed, confusion clearly welling up, but the door chose to remind them all that it was still open by letting a tannish cloak drift through and land next to the two newcomers.

The sight of the cloak made the boy's eyes moisten further.

Oh, dear.

"Martha, could you get the door?" asked the Doctor, shifting his voice into something a little softer as he knelt next to the two strangers.

"Oh, uh- you got it."

As Martha did exactly that, the Doctor met the boy's eyes. "I'm the Doctor. Behind you is Martha, and this is the TARDIS. I don't know what it is you're running from, whatever this 'Krang' business is, but I promise you, you're safe here."

The boy's suspicion slowly lessened, the tension in his shoulders loosening some- though, notably, nowhere near completely. "And…what's a tardis?"

"My spaceship," said the Doctor modestly. "'S how I get around. What I want to know is, how did a humanoid teenager and a turtleman with a robotic arm end up hurtling through the timestream all on their lonesome?"

At that, the boy's gaze flickered to the cloak on the ground, and his jaw hardened in that way jaws tended to do when the only other option was to sob.

"…I see," said the Doctor quietly. "While I'd like to know the specifics, pushing this sort of thing never really seems to work out well. So I won't."

"You-" The boy's voice cracked, and he tried again. "You said you were a doctor?"

"The Doctor," corrected he.

"Though I've been training as one for quite some time, myself!" Martha reminded.

The boy visibly warred with himself for a moment, then grit his teeth and pulled slightly away from the turtle's side, revealing a nasty gash that had gone clean through his shell. "Help him. Please."

Martha gasped. "Oh, God-!"

The Doctor's eyes flew wide, but then he nodded firmly. "We'll do everything we can."

[sonicasura]

A few ideas that came to mind for the Vessel!Knack concept. The characters most likely to get affected are those who possible bad endings, died or been in a situation which had separate their soul from the body. Now I'm going to do something a bit differently around Knack 2.

The second player or Blue Knack is a prototype vessel for the other soul in our hero's chest orb. Heavy emphasis on prototype as the moment it breaks then the other spirit returns to their previous containment and the destroyed body needs to be repaired. There are further changes than just this.

Unlike in Knack 2, this temporary vessel will mimic physical traits of the soul when using relics to increase their side. Their Sunstone powered abilities also change to fit the respective fighting style. When combining with Knack like in the game's Co-Op, the appearance and abilities are much closer to an actual fusion.

There is one more detail I sorta forgot to mention. Should Knack be in a area heavily saturated in Relic or Sunstone Energy than the spirit within his chest becomes visible to everyone around him. This 'form' acts more like a phantom as their voice can be heard but they can't interact with the outside world.

Now with that outta the way, we can truly get started.

Jonathan Joestar

Figured I start with a pick from an older fandom I'm in: JoJo's Bizarre Adventure. Couldn't resist the irony of an archaeology enthusiast awakening inside sentient ancient relics. Jonathan isn't fully aware about this new situation at the start.

His mind's really hazy during Chapter 1 of the first game. Jonathan barely get a few snippets from Knack's viewpoint so he's heavily confused about this new situation. Unlike the other picks, he becomes conscious much faster due his and our golem hero's powers being connected to sunlight.

Not exactly a good thing as frequent vision obscuring illusions(memories) throughout very hostile uncharted territory full of bottomless pits is an awful combination. Or that it makes your allies concerned about unknown glitches being left unnoticed until now. Doctor can't exactly reboot Knack.

The first swap between both souls occurs during the boss fight against the Goblin Chief. For those unaware, there is a unique martial arts in JJBA called Hamon. A breathing technique which allows one to channel sunlight like energy for various effects from healing to enhancing one's own weapons. Combine that with a golem who can channel sunlight into different forms of destructive attacks and you got a lethal force to be reckoned with.

Knack is essentially the perfect vessel for Jonathan to take his Hamon to unimaginable heights. The golem however was a bit rattled upon seeing the Goblin Chief's mech utterly destroyed in a blink of an eye(to him). A black out that continues to happen even more frequently.

Doctor and Lucas being the only ones to help piece together this strange new personality for Knack to understand. Though the story Jonathan tells is very bizarre to them with his evidence being the Hamon technique. A stone mask that turns those who wear it into an eldritch vampire and a evil foster sibling that uses said mask for world domination.

Now neither souls has seen their shared body so Jonathan is a bit suspicious about everything that has happened so far. (He thinks he is in a trap made by Dio.) At least until the golem gets tossed into the ravine and sees the spirit. Jonathan's phantom like form visibly apart from Knack's own destroys the remaining doubt.

It takes until final boss of the first game for both to become in sync. Jonathan still has difficulty trying to adjust to this new reality. You have to remember that his psychotic vampiric foster brother is loose in his world and completely unaware of what he's up to.

Knack does try to ease Jonathan's worry, usually letting the man take control so he could take a walk or blow some steam. The Joestar is quite happy once the Doctor creates his vessel as he won't lie that being cooped up without a body tends to suck. He does miss his old one but makes it work in the end.

At least Jonathan can officially try to become an archaeologist! He can't exactly stay far away from Knack but studying relics goes hand in hand with his work. A win-win situation although Jonathan might have a few bumps in the road.

Those being Knack 2 but also a destined encounter involving his past and the bloodline he left behind...

Sparda

I figured the next pick would be a character who I haven't experimented with that much. Plus someone needs to kick this devil's ass into gear at some point. Why not shove the Dark Knight's soul inside a the core of a little size shifting golem.

It takes longer for Sparda to gain consciousness since devil spirits take a bit longer to fully connect to a non human vessel. This has led to his power seeping out on occasion. Knack often finds his attacks or abilities more destructive than normal. Only warning anyone has is the chest orb's crystal flashing violet.

First swap happens at the very start of Chapter 4 once Knack connects with the giant relic in Viktor's mansion. Sparda is super confused and concerned about this new situation. He is unaware of what to his wife nor kids.

This body has another spirit inhabiting it whose already on their own respective mission. Sparda helps the group nonetheless as it may lead to more answers. Knack's a bit conflicted about him considering most of the memories he seen from the devil are quite gruesome. (Devil May Cry games in general very violent plus it took some time before Sparda decided to fight for humanity.)

It took quite awhile for Knack to become accustomed to the more brutal memories but does decide to trust Sparda in the end. He feels less instinctively isolated with the devil around from how different they are to others. A feeling that allows them to fully become in sync around Chapter 10.

Once the temporary vessel is made, Sparda's routine sums to wandering, reading or training. It is the only thing to keep him from overthinking about the family he left behind by his death. Knack does try to help Sparda with his worries even if the most the golem can do is reassurance.

The devil does drag Knack into some of his work routines which includes swordsmanship. He figured it would do some good that the young hero expands his skill set as he really doesn't have a fighting technique at all. Sparda stills retain some of his magic and often contemplates about making new Devil Arms from it.

He often tests the Doctor's new inventions mainly out of curiosity. A great way to spend some time but also experiment with the possibilities. Sparda wonders if he can incorporate Sunstones into magic or creating Devil Arms.

A thought that might decide whether the two will be ready for their new adventure. Or when the time comes for Sparda's past comes to show itself. Guess it's time to pull that Devil Trigger.

Tangeth Toborn

I decided the final example should come from a series that has faded into the background for a decade, Chaotic. The heroic lion-like Overworlder who gave up his life to save the world of Perrim: Tangeth Toborn. Lore wise, he came from a place called the Spiritlands and could only exist outside the realm through his weapon, the Sword of Kh'yat.

A blade later broken to summon him when a dangerous threat from said land came to attack Perrim. Taking this tidbit into consideration, he's the second fastest to gain consciousness as his spirit still had issues adjusting to Knack's chest orb. It did speed up the bombardment of visions between Tangeth and his new host.

Knack had to take a short break multiple times as the memories were so vivid to the point he gotten minor dysphoria. Lingering taste of foreign food, the stickiness on matted bloody fur, and hot flames that burn his flesh. Tangeth wasn't having fun either as it became apparent he's in the human world. Or at least some variation of it. (First Creature on Earth!)

First switch during the boss against the Goblin Chief like in the Jonathan scenario. Tangeth uses fire and earth elemental attacks which took some time to learn how to use again since Knack wields solar based energy. He also wanted to know the entire situation before he willingly decides to help the Doctor and Lucas.

Tangeth truly begins to open up during his shared time with Knack down in the ravine. Chaotic Players(humans) have often caused chaos for his tribe to the point that some were willing to destroy precious locations for personal gain. Knack is the only person who's able to get Tangeth to at least give this new world a chance.

Both fully synchronize with each other halfway through the last chapter of the first game. Tangeth adjusts very quickly to the prototype vessel the Doctor creates much faster than expected. He does have experience with soul binding artifacts after all.

Tangeth usually spends his time reading, exploring or training. He has some difficulty trying to adjust in a world with way fewer conflicts between its nations unlike back in Perrim. Tangeth later asks the Doctor to make him a new sword, one powered by Sunstone he calls Kiru. He swore a new oath on the blade that he protect this world from danger.

Tangeth has a tendency to drag Knack into his training sessions as he also believes the golem should learn some actual fighting styles. Why waste such potential with just simple punches and kicks? Yes, Knack ate dirt a few times cause Tangeth was a general for an army before his death so no holding back.

It definitely helps when the next adventure proves itself to be much harder than the last. Or the possibility of a certain dream episode could potentially come true in this reality. No worse way to test loyalties.

At least that's how I see all these particular scenarios.

[trashboatprince]

Drabbled idea, crossover style: 10th Doctor and Crowley stand off while Donna and Aziraphale watch

Gosh, I always love writing Ten and Crowley interacting, it's a lot of fun. :D

On with the fic!

--

Donna stared at the two man-shaped beings as one sat on a couch, the other holding a book open in his hands. The third man-shaped being in the room, the one that didn't look like the first two, was gripping his teacup rather tightly, his eyes never leaving that book.

"You can't just tell me that this was made in a workshop! Impossible!" The Doctor shouted, jabbing a finger at an old drawing of the sun, Aziraphale wincing at the hard jabs.

"I am tellin' you, cause it's bloody true!" Crowley shouted back. "I should know, I helped make it!"

"I've seen the thing explode! Hell, I can go back in time right now and watch it get made! I saw that with the Earth! Remember, Donna? It was during our first adventure!"

Donna snorted. "Yeah, I remember. It was right after I found out that my fiance was going to feed me to a giant spider's babies in order to take over the world. On my wedding day."

Aziraphale made a face. "What a terrible way to celebrate your wedding."

"Well, didn't help that I missed the blasted thing cause of him." She gestured at the Doctor, who gasped, putting a hand to his chest.

"Not my fault! You know this! It was the-"

"Yeah, yeah, ancient particles and all that. What the hell are you two even fighting about over there?" Donna asked, raising an eyebrow. "You two were doing just fine all morning, wouldn't shut up about this and that!"

Crowley made a face. "This guy here is telling me that it's impossible for angels to have created the building blocks of the universe. And even more impossible for this former angel, that being me, to have made stars. Specifically the one this planet is circling around."

"It is! I've seen stars be created!" The Doctor threw his hands up in the air and Aziraphale snapped his fingers, the book was now gone, probably back on a shelf or something. "My own people have helped in development on some!"

"That's cause Heaven decided to let some other lifeforms do what we do. It's, ya know, cheaper labor." Crowley said, waving a hand about.

"Cheaper la-!? Next you're going to be telling me that the universe was made only a few thousand years ago!"

Crowley made a weird series of noises that could have been words but Donna didn't catch any of it, not even the TARDIS could translate that string of nonsense. The Doctor stared in shock. "No."

"Yeeeeaaaahhhh... like, it's hard to explain, time is insane when it comes to angels and demons, we've got our own system and all that. Somehow the humans learned about it and now there's some people who really believe that, but it's like, really? Really? Nah. But yeah, to me, over six thousand years, 's not a big deal."

The Doctor looked like he wanted to throw a fit. Donna almost leaned over to ask Aziraphale if he had any popcorn for this show, but he seemed to be on the same wavelength as her, already holding up a bag for her to take a few pieces.

--

I still trust David's judgement on Crowley and Ten being very fast friends, but I just know that they would argue about science. Angel/demon science makes sense! When you're an angel or a demon.

Not really a standoff, but they're about to have a big nerd fight.

[ussenterpeen]

jeebies' most wanted!

Hi! I'm Jeebies (32, cisfem, queer, EST, been roleplaying for 20+ years) and I am a writer and moderator on Denouement, an 18+ pan/multifandom roleplaying site that's been going strong for over two years. We have a Jcink hub for apps, lore, and basic info, but most of the writing/RP takes place via real time chats (utilizing Tupper), post-by-post threads, and comm threads on Discord. We also use Cbox for RP, particularly for real time group RP. What makes Denouement unique is the sheer variety of fandoms/muses represented -- anime/manga, live action tv & movies, novels & comics, musicals & podcasts. It's truly a panfandom experience -- not leaning towards one genre or medium or another. We welcome the most niche fandom characters as well as fandomless original characters. Our members love sharing their OCs and hyping up others' as well. Below, I've written a few detailed blurbs for characters I'd really like to write against. The character wanted is in bold, and I write the character in italics.

Rebecca Welton for Ted Lasso (platonic or romantic)

I took Ted from the end of S3, leaving for Kansas City. Writing him against a Rebecca from S1 who is still bitter and an emotional mess could be a lot of fun; Ted would be able to use his therapy techniques and improved emotional intelligence to help her adjust. Talk about a reversal of which fish is out of which body of water! I think being stranded together, desperately clinging to one another for sanity and security, could be the spark of potential that leads to a slow burn Tedbecca relationship -- though I am absolutely cool with keeping them platonic/unrequited if that's not your speed.

Dean Winchester for Castiel (platonic, ideally romantic)

My Cas is from the end of S5, and I have also put him on the Summer Path, meaning he has all of his angelic powers but no memory of who or what he is. So far, he's been working as a humble gardener and beekeeper, interacting with other non-humans to try and figure out who he might be. Having Dean show up and try to help him remember things would help reshape Cas back into the being he's meant to be. And maybe they kiss a little along the way?? Plus, Denouement's got a whole lot of baddies to gank!

Tony Stark for Peter Parker (familial/platonic)

My Peter is from the end of No Way Home, so he arrived in Denouement under the impression no one would know or remember him, with both of his closest parental figures gone. He has MJ, a beacon in the darkness, but he's struggling to decide if he needs to give up being Spider-Man for good, lest he destroy this new world the way he nearly destroyed his own. Having his mentor back to help him find his way would be so great for his development. Also, if you pick up Tony, there's already a Stark Industries waiting for him to play with (and I also write Steve Rogers which could make for some draaaaaamaaaa). Plus, we have a whole cast of Marvel chars to write with.

Leonard 'Bones' McCoy for James T. Kirk (platonic)

I pulled Jim from the end of STID, so I am looking more specifically for an AOS Bones to write against, but also happy to write against TOS Bones if that's your vibe! Jim needs his bestie, and no world will ever test Bones' patience like Denouement; there are so many strange and hazardous situations that need a doctor. We have an AOS Spock, a DIS-era Pike, and a few other Star Trek OCs to write with as well!

Here's some helpful links to get started!

Guidebook Taken Canons Reserves Path/Ranking System Discord

I also write: Eddie Munson, Edwin Paine, Emma Meyer, Fiona Goode, Five Hargreeves, Joel Miller, Karen Page Rey, and Steve Rogers. I'm happy to toss plotting your way with any of these folks should you choose to join!

Aaaaand, a few other of my wanted fandoms/fandoms I just wanna see:

Star Wars, Stranger Things, The Umbrella Academy, The Last of Us, The Boys, Gen V, American Horror Story, Kingsman, X-Men, The Adventure Zone, Yu Yu Hakusho, Avatar: The Last Airbender, Barbie, Dead Boy Detectives, Doctor Who, Severence

[yoonoclock]

head & heart | myg + jjk

PART TWO

❝yoongi had your heart and your soul. however, after following the poor guidance of family, that bond was broken. years pass before another man walks into your life…reminding you what it felt to be in love. a man who surprises you more than you realize — jeon jeongguk. but all of that begins to falter upon the return of yoongi. what should you follow? your head or your heart?❞

• pairing: captain yoongi x female reader | knight jeongguk x female reader

• genre: fluff, angst, royalty au, fantasy au

• warnings: none

• word count: 3.5k

• tags: @seokjinkismet @princxssly82

• note: changed the banner! jungkook’s vampire shoot has me in a chokehold…anyways…the angst is increasing with this one! yoongi will officially return in the next update! also, i promise more of the “fantasy elements” will appear. it will slowly come to light with each part! let me know what you all think!

PARTS

prologue | pt.1 | pt.2 | pt.3 | pt.4 | pt.5 | pt.6 | pt.7 |

The day moved in an agonizing slow motion. From the moment you woke up, you felt a heaviness on your chest that wouldn’t subside no matter what you tried — pacing back and forth, reading your favorite novel, searching the library of your mind for antedates regarding the darkness. Nothing. As much as the mystery and magic of a world unknown to you is, there is a grief that swallows you whole. 

Min Yoongi. 

How utterly pathetic does it feel to cling to the man of your past? How regret and love interact in a tangled concoction that makes no sense…leaving you far too conflicted to function. 

There is no possibility of change concerning your prior relationship with Yoongi. He has proceeded with a future of wealth and adventure. As for you? You are trapped in a family who couldn’t care less of your fortune. Why help you when they can tend to themselves? Perhaps it should destroy your heart, but it doesn’t grasp you quite the same as heartbreak. 

How pitiful. 

All that you desired was a new start in a direction you are uncertain of. What would you do and where would you find yourself blossoming? Only time will tell. However, time is not on your side today. 

It is clear that you had risen to the early morning where the sound of servants packaging traveled up the stairs. Nearly everything was put away or sold. What remained was the large furniture for the future tenants to claim. It easily impressed you at the speed in which all of this came together. Just yesterday it felt as if the world was still spinning for your fathers benefit. All it takes is for an entire twenty four hours to prove it wrong. 

You are intrigued by this process. It offers a breath of fresh air that could do you some good. 

Only some. 

“My lady,” Maude appeared startled by your appearance in the hallway. “I apologize for waking you.” 

“Please,” you dismissed her apology. “I am too burdened to find proper rest.” 

A moment's pause as Maude dove into work mode to supply for your needs. 

“Should I call upon a doctor?” 

You offered a smile, “Not at all. Seriously movement would do me some good. May I assist you in anything?” 

“I thank you for your kindness,” she bowed slightly. “However, we have everything prepared. All that is left is the bedding.” 

“You all work diligently.” 

It’s no surprise how tirelessly the servants work to supply for the needs of any household. From going to bed long past dusk to rising before the sun kisses the earth good morning, you understood the dedication. Every second poured into a family that may or may not care for you in the slightest. 

You attempt to understand their circumstances and abilities as individuals. Except in the end, you will never be the same. You forever will be nobility while they are not. Claiming to be one with the servants is untrue especially while you continue to be served by them. It’s a complexity that can never be navigated easily. Roles in society define who you are. Rank and fortune guide your lives. Quite absurd and unnecessary. You desperately wished it was something new entirely. 

There were a lot of things you wished were different. 

“Is everything in order with the new tenants?” 

Maude attempts to get your attention through a gentle cough. It doesn’t take long before you look at her in confusion. 

“I would assume so,” you furrowed your brow. “Is there a piece of news that I am unaware of?” 

Maude sighed, “Your father stated that you agreed to remain here to greet the new tenants while he and Florence travel ahead.” 

You roll your eyes. It comes as no surprise that they are quick to leave and force you to do the extra work. The less they have to ensure the better. As for you, who cares? All the time in the world exists at your fingertips. Nothing else encourages you to protest this request seeing as it was already decided. 

“Let the show begin.” 

The next few hours were filled with constant shouting from your father and Florence. Naturally, they had a great deal to say about the contents of the home they could not take with them. It became your sole responsibility to ensure that the new tenants would not ever touch the tapestries or roses in the garden. You smiled in amusement at their audacity. How could they dictate what happens with property that can no longer be claimed? It made you all the more content that you would make the journey alone. Hearing their persistent boastful words of vanity can and is draining. Witnessing this behavior since birth is more than you can bear. 

Peace is all you desire. 

“I assure you that I will make their stay here unbearable,” you assured your father. “In no way can they ever be comfortable.” 

“Precisely,” he nodded his head. “We can’t have peasants tainting our home.” 

“One day we will return and I intend to see it just as it is now,” Florence stated confidently. 

There is no confidence that they would learn to manage their finances any better. However, perhaps a persistent voice of reason is what will set them straight. Lady Frances is the only one to take on that burden. And a major burden it is. 

“The carriage is waiting,” you motioned out the open doors. “It is wise for you to leave hastily as the new tenants arrive shortly.” 

At those words, they immediately rushed out the doors to leave you alone in the midst of the final touches. Truth be told you had no idea when the guests would arrive seeing as it was quite early in the morning. Since all of your personal belongings had already been put away, such as your books, you turned to entertainment from nature. 

Unlike the previous night, you intended to wander the garden to gaze upon the final blooms of the season. You were careful to trace your fingers along the petals in admiration. Every part of it offered a wave of comfort. When you failed to find solace between the four walls of your bedroom, you snuck out to these intertwined paths. The memories poured over you as every significant life circumstance was felt here. Slowly weaving through the bushes, you expressed your emotions wholeheartedly. 

This is one of the few qualities you will miss about this home. You grew up here. From birth and into adulthood…surely, it is difficult to part with the entirety of your existence. 

Nonetheless, life continues. 

You can only cling to what is good and hope to escape what is not. 

Slowly you began to circle back around the way you came when you heard footsteps beyond the towering gates. Normally this was an entrance specific to those who reside here. It is unlikely the new tenants would approach the backside. Although it still was best for you to check so that whoever it may be does not wait longer than what is acceptable. 

Once you turned the corner to the point you could see the gaps through the metal frame, you immediately captured a glimpse of something familiar — glistening armor. 

“Jeongguk?” You ask in confusion. 

Clearly it was him but a part of you still held an ounce of doubt. At the sound of his name he shifted on his heel to meet your gaze. 

“Y/N,” he whispered before taking a bow. 

“Is everything alright?” You pushed open the metal doors until you stood several feet away from him. “Are you…well?” 

Jeongguk’s expression shifted, “Forgive me, my lady. I couldn’t help but wonder…” 

You furrowed your eyebrows, “Wonder?” 

“About you,” he finished his sentence. 

The way he spoke those words had an effect on you. It wasn’t a grand feeling or an emotion to be worried about. Instead, it is a fluttering that you forgot existed. Years have passed since you last experienced anything remotely close. Perhaps it’s the longing for any ounce of love that determines your responses. 

It has been 5 years….sigh. 

Jeongguk sensed that this may come off inappropriately so he stumbled over his explanation. 

“It is uncommon for me to interact with any person aside from those I serve,” he adjusted his stance in an attempt to ease his nerves. “Running into you offered a different escape I found to be like a breath of fresh air.” 

“That is high praise,” you offered a smile. “I do thank you for your kindness…as well as your company.” 

His eyes possessed an innocence not due to the lack of anything, rather, to the appearance of eagerness for life. Being limited to the same duty in honor of your king can take a toll. From surviving the same routine to protect (when no serious threat takes places) it can be a rather lonely livelihood. 

On top of that, he was built like chiseled stone statues that filled the halls of nearly every establishment under your cousin’s reign. As odd as an comparison this may be…he truly is a sight that your sister would consider “swoon worthy.” 

Doubt still happened to plague your mind, “Is our interaction that significant? I would assume that I am more of an obligation than a celebration.” 

“Every woman should be celebrated,” Jeongguk answers with no hesitation. 

You couldn’t help but release a loud laugh. 

“Quite a charmer you are,” you slowly move closer. “I can’t recall the last time I was this flattered.” 

Liar. 

You vividly remember the last time you had been flattered to the point of burying your face into your palms. It was after church where you were determined to walk in the rain back home to avoid the ongoing bickering between your sisters. Unwilling to allow you to travel by foot alone, Yoongi accompanied you. 

The rest is history. At least, that is what you should be claiming it to be. 

“I do desire to ask you a question,” Jeongguk built up the courage to proceed with his original goal. 

“By all means, please do share.” 

“Would it be premature to ask that we share further walks together? This time due to our own free will and not based on chance.” He presented it cautiously so as not to alarm you. “If this finds you well, of course. I do not intend on making you uncomfortable.” 

Your expression fell, “I fear this cannot take place as I am unfortunately leaving this home. I’m awaiting the new tenants before I myself depart.” 

Disappointment consumed his entire being. You took note of how his shoulders fell just slightly. Even in such thick armor, you were able to catch a glimpse. 

“Would it be appropriate to communicate by written letters?” He then offered an alternative that would suit this change in distance. 

You eased into a smile, “It would be quite appropriate.” 

“May I inquire about your new home? Where shall you reside?” 

“About a day's journey up north, to Beacon Village.” 

“I wish you safe travels, my lady.” 

“Thank you,” you bowed your head. “I look forward to our conversations.” 

“As do I,” he felt an ounce of hope despite the disappointment he expressed. “I hope you feel welcome to inquire about whatever it is you wish to know.” 

“The same can be said for you.” 

Before anything further could be said you heard the bells ring as it is not official that the tenants have arrived. You look to the gate as Jeongguk mirrors your actions. Your time together has ended. 

“Until we meet again,” Jeongguk pressed his right hand over his chest while he nodded a proper farewell. 

Slowly he watched as you returned back through the gates. Now disappeared from his sight. 

No matter what, he still showed you honor. It is embedded in his system that cannot be erased after one interaction. Truly he does hope that the future is in your favor. Being able to converse with you will add a new dimension to his life. Never once has he had this situation but he could not silence his mind when it came to you. Goes to show that the longing is very much active. Although he doesn’t want this to be the deciding factor. 

Yes, he has never given his affection to anyone. Except now he believes there is a possibility (with time). He is riddled with worry about how to properly convey this. Thankfully, he has discovered how understanding you are. 

He has hope. 

“This is beyond what we envisioned.” 

It is no surprise that they have fallen in love with what was once your home. They traveled through every room to gaze in wonder of its design. When you see it through another person’s perspective, you soon realize what it is you are losing. 

A part of you aches but another part of you is relieved. 

The couple who is so captivated are exactly as Lady Frances described — a hard working husband and wife who are responsible. Captain Andrew and Miss Adaline are beyond kind. You are thankful that these are the individuals who are now taking ownership. 

“I am delighted in your contentment,” you stand back as they proceed through the back doors towards the thriving gardens. “Is there anything else you wish to see?” 

“My dear,” Lady Adaline grasped into your wrists in a gentle embrace. “We have a lifetime to discover all these wonders.”

“Yes indeed,” Captain Andrew beams. “I can see us finishing our lives here.” 

You admired their relationship. How beautiful it is to grow with the one you wholeheartedly love. 

“Must you leave us so soon?” Adaline turns towards you. “We are expecting our cousin, Captain Yoongi, to arrive. A grand dinner in our new home is required!” 

Oh. 

Yoongi is coming back. After all this time…Yoongi is truly going to return from the sea. 

“I thank you,” you forced a smile. “Unfortunately, I think it is best I rejoin my family to ensure all preparations are fulfilled.” 

Adaline nodded in understanding, “We are grateful to you. All blessings for you and your family.” 

Captain Andrew then stepped beside his wife, wrapping his arm around her shoulders. “May you have a safe journey.” 

The journey was long as it was gloomy. Not once did the sun appear for a heavy rain formed shortly after your departure. You mindlessly gazed through the glass of the carriage as all kinds of scenery passed you by. Even through the heavy veil of droplets, you managed to see through the grey haze. 

When hidden in loneliness for such a long period of time, it reminds you of how loud your thoughts are. These thoughts intertwine with memories you had assumed were barricaded. Now that Yoongi’s name had been mentioned numerous times in the last few days…it’s natural for the past to return to either bring comfort or haunt you. 

The rain. Rain holds a fondness in your heart. 

“I beg of you to be careful,” Yoongi voiced his concern the second you ran ahead of him. 

“Is the great sea captain afraid?” You called back through laughter. “Fear not, I am indestructible.” 

You could feel the ocean breeze pinch at your skin the closer you came to the shore. Fresh hair filled your lungs with new life that couldn’t be put into words. Everything about this destination evolved into your favorite comfort. Yoongi knew this well as he attempted to bring you here whenever it was suitable. No matter rain or shine, you adored it. 

That is one of many reasons as to why Yoongi cherished you so. His lifestyle was not ideal for many due to being away for months at a time…and now that he has accepted the offer as Captain, it proposes even longer journeys. When he is with you, time moves slowly. He soaks up every second possible so that the future can be bearable in your absence. 

“Would you look at this,” you beamed. “Water is also falling from the heavens.” 

The wet sand felt freeing beneath your bare feet. You began to twirl in circles with your arms spread outwardly. For a moment you closed your eyes to savor the growing blossoming sensation in your chest. Slowly you felt yourself losing balance. Before you could fall, Yoongi was right at your side to catch you. His hands guided you by your waist through a gentle touch. He stabilized you. 

You finally ceased all movement to then meet his warm gaze. The proximity between you two resulted in a warmth spreading along your skin. 

“Oh,” you blurted beneath a whisper. 

He searched your eyes for a moment, “May I kiss you?” 

“Yes,” you answer immediately. 

Yoongi scoots closer until his chest presses against your own. He shifts his right hand to your cheek, not before trailing his fingertips along your frame. Tingles shoot down your legs to the point of quickening your breath at this. Never once has anyone ever caused such a reaction. 

He angled his head to the side, “You are everything.” 

In an instant he feathers his lips upon your own. You melt into his touch, perfectly molding your mouths together. 

Every fiber of your being ignited into a burning passion. This is all you desire. He is what you desire. 

The carriage hit what appeared to be a rock in the path. Everything shook to the point of tearing you back into reality. When you blinked rapidly you came to see distant structures. You were almost there at your new home. Excitement should flood your veins but it is merely disappointment. 

Why are these visions and thoughts troubling you so much? Could it be that you truly were still in love or are you simply lonely? There is a lot of conflict in your heart. 

A major concern is the intent with Jeongguk. Is there intent for something beyond a friendship? No one can quite place it when you have only interacted twice. For some, twice is enough to determine if they are meant to be (quite like for your sisters). You are not the same as them. 

Whatever the intent may actually be, in no way do you intend on leading Jeongguk to believe romance is a key factor. If you are unsure of yourself, why would you harm someone else? 

Jeongguk must know the reality of your heart. 

You are determined to make it a priority to write to him as soon as you are settled. 

“You look awful,” Florence smirks. “At least I managed to maintain my looks.” 

“That’s the difference between you and I,” you removed your gloves. “I don’t have to maintain myself, it comes quite naturally.” 

Florence gasped, “Insulting to insinuate that I am the ugly one.” 

You grinned at her to further stir the pot when your father appeared to kill the mood, “Y/N, please fix yourself. We require a level of sophistication that is required of nobility.” 

“What nobility?” You raise an eyebrow. “We are forced from our home because you abused the sanctity of what was nobility.” 

“Our fortune is used to showcase our wealth,” Florence intercedes. “Can you not see the value in that? No longer will we bother to give to charity.” 

“Splendid,” you roll your eyes as you begin to step away. “I shall find my room to rest. Please leave your fortune at bay” 

You didn’t care to listen to any further bickering. There is a great deal that has transpired in the last few days to leave you bed ridden. Except you still had the energy to write to Jeongguk. 

Perhaps you were putting too much thought into it. Or maybe it was everything it was supposed to be. 

“Oh Y/N,” you bury your face into your hands. “Be cautious.” 

You took a seat at the writing desk that had been preserved over the journey for you to use. It was positioned beside the window where now it had turned into the night. The moon cast high in the sky to offer a blanket of soft light. For you it was not enough to see the paper, so you take out a candle and light it. 

Before you a flickering flame brought a wavering warmth. Slowly you reach for the ink to scribble any coherent sentences that come to mind. 

Dear Jeongguk, 

I pray that this letter doesn’t appear hastily on my end. I desire to make it known of my heart before you. Sincerely do I wish for us to form a friendship that is honest and pure. As it stands, I am conflicted with a previous love that has long been dismissed. However, I find myself facing waves of feelings that rekindle what once was. I am uncertain as to what that entails. 

He is not a part of my life in any shape or form. But that doesn’t mean traces of him are not present. 

These are my truths that I desire to share. If you wish to no longer proceed with our previous decision to communicate through this distance, I understand. 

Thank you for the honor of your protection and guidance from my foolish mistake. 

May you always be safe,

Y/N. 

[akaiuchiha]

Chapter 6(English): Towards a Brighter Adventure

They went their separate ways once they reached the market place. The group disappeared while Carne and Patty decided to go help gather supplies for their departure. Zeff didn't follow them: he had to find a navigator.

He wasn't naive per se, in fact Zeff was a very down-to-Earth kind of man and he knew a navigator was crucial for his crazy plan to reach his son.

It was easy to reach the port and deck area, the vendors and the fishermen were selling their new catch. Finding someone able to navigate the Grand Line around Alabasta was something easy to do, but finding someone able to navigate the Grand Line, able to determine the best way and to keep them safe on these seas was way harder. 

However, Zeff was also realising how impossible it was for him to reach Totoland within such a short span of time. While he was looking around to see if someone seemed to crave adventure, the despair he felt deep within his chest was growing bigger and bigger. 

Why hadn't he realised sooner that some of his clients were strange? Why didn't he realise something was wrong with Sanji's poster? It was the first time a pirate was wanted only alive and not dead or alive. Even if he didn't know what was wrong, he still should have set sail way sooner.

“Come here my friend, my fish is a kind of fish you can't find anywhere else!”

Zeff turned his head to see a man in his thirties smiling at him. He sighed and came close to the stall to take a look at the fish.

“You can take two for the price of one, it's on me.”

“Why are you doing that?” Zeff questioned. That man was either really good at reading people or was just testing his luck.

“It looked like you needed someone to get you out of your head. I know I shouldn't pry and all but you know, a bit of kindness can solve everything sometimes.” The man answered.

“You would be able to solve my problems if you knew someone able to navigate the Grand line and the New World.”

“Isn't the New World a part of the Grand Line though?”

“Yes but the Log Pose is different there so not really the same thing. Anyway, do you know someone?”

“Sure.”

Relief washed over Zeff.

“Can you give the name so I can find them?”

“Well, I'm in front of you so… my name is Aryn, nice to meet you.”

Zeff was silent for a few minutes trying to process their interaction. You are telling him that he had found the person he was looking for just like that?! That wasn't luck, it was even more.

“No you're kidding, you would have known what I was talking about when talking about the Grand Line and the New World.”

“I was just confused about why you were separating them. So you need a navigator?”

“Yes but that's not the point. Did you know?”

“Did I know what?” The man asked.

“What I was looking for.”

“Erm…” Aryn glanced down at his stall and laughed nervously. “I might have heard someone mentioning it..?”

Zeff sighed again and crossed his arms. So that man had called him knowing that. But was it really a problem? Shouldn't Zeff feel relieved about that? After all, it wasn't like Aryn had tried to attack him and if he could navigate the Grand Line it'd probably be for the best if he joined Baratie.

“Would you like to join then?”

“Hell yes.”

Zeff was surprised by his reaction. With this interaction he was quite sure the man would agree but he didn't think it would be with such enthusiasm. And he clearly didn't think someone would be willing to join his crew without making a fuss before. 

Somehow, in the span of a few hours, he had been able to get a doctor and a navigator. Sure, he would tell them why they were traveling but once they were all together. It would probably be for the best if they could tell him how long it would take to reach Totoland but Zeff wasn't dumb. It would be near impossible for him to reach it before the end of the wedding. He had to rely and trust Luffy to save his son but even though he didn't help in the rescue, he would still see his son.

Even if he had to travel to another universe, he would do it.

“Hum, Sir?” Aryn waved his hand in front of his face. “Are you okay?”

“I am. Would you know how long it takes for the Log Pose to set?”

“Probably a day, maybe two. Travelers never stay much more time than that so i figured it must be it.”

“Okay then, finish your sell and come with me. We have to create the best travel to reach Sabaody Island within two weeks maximum.”

“That's almost impossible-” The fisherman was stopped by Zeff.

“We have to go to Water 7 before so that the boat is quicker. We'll make do.”

The man gave a sceptical look before nodding and returning to his soon-to-be former job.

“The boat looks like a fish, I'm going to wander a bit and see what to buy.” Zeff told him and went on his merry way.

Zeff spent the rest of the afternoon going from stall to stall and buying supplies. He had figured that his staff had done the same at the market place and he trusted them to had buy nonperishable food too. He let himself being drown by the noises and the smells around him because it helped him escape from his thoughts. 

How was Sanji? Was he hurt? Was he fighting? Was he still alive?

How was Zeff supposed not to worry when he had so little informations? If he could, he would teleport himself right in front of this shitty family, smack them in the face, take Sanji with him and leave after he had insulted their entire family tree. But he had no powers, nor had he eaten a devil fruit si his only option was to pray and wish for his son to be safe soon.

When he saw the sun setting, Zeff went back to the stall that Aryn was tidying up. A bag sat near him and it seemed that the man had sold every fish he had.

“I guess you're good at it.” Zeff remaked.

“Good at what?”

“Selling fish.”

“Ah, I guess. I didn't sell them all, though. I gave some to the other fishermen, at least it won't be wasted like that.”

“Eh. You're a good kid. Ready to go?” Zeff smirked.

“All good.”

Aryn took his bag and joined Zeff. They started walking towards the city centre in complete silence. At some point, one of the cook called him so they both joined said cook.

“What is it?” Zeff asked.

“We're done replenishing the boat chef. We're ready to go anytime now.”

“Good. We'll see if the Log Pose is set tomorrow, until now you can tell the others they have free time until tomorrow morning. I expect you all to be back at 9.”

“Understood!” 

The cook left them and Zeff and Aryn continued their walk. Once they arrived in front of the Baratie, Aryn gasped and turned his head to look at Zeff with sparkling eyes.

“Your boat is so cool!”

“Yeah it's a good one. However she's clearly not meant to sail these waters.”

“Don't worry, we'll reach Water 7 before you even know it! I've studied for years!”

Zeff smiled and they entered the ship. Once they were inside, Zeff led Aryn to the dorm for him to put his belongings.

“There are some hammocks that are free as you can see, you can choose the one you want. Another person will join soon too so you should choose quickly if you don't want to lose the one you wish to have.”

“Understood. Erm..where do I put my things?”

“There's a locker here, it's empty.”

“Thanks.”

Zeff waited outside the dorm. In the restaurant, there were different dorms with about five to six hammocks. After the expansion, the staff was able to get more privacy and everyone had been pleased by that. In this dorm, there were two other cooks, they were the most recently arrived. The chef could hear Aryn walking left and right to put his clothes and other things in the locker and when he was done, he got out of the room.

“I'm done.”

“Good. Follow me.”

They walked to his office and once they were inside, he gestured the chair in front of his desk to Aryn. The fisherman sat down and Zeff joined him.

“Can I ask you why you're so eager to reach Sabaody Island?” Aryn asked.

“My son is in a dangerous situation and I am going to help him.”

“Where is he?”

“He is in Totoland, Big Mom's territory.”

Zeff waited for his reaction but it wasn't the one he awaited. Aryn had a pensive look on his face while he thought about this information.

“That's really far indeed. If you want to get here you'll have to have an Eternal log pose. The access is not easy at all and you'll need a good ship.”

“So? What should we do?” Zeff questioned with interest.

“You should go to Water 7 just like you said and there, maybe get a log pose to Sabaody island. I think the quickest way is to take another way than following your log pose.” Aryn answered.

“Okay and? How are we supposed to navigate until then? There's a reason why we need a log pose on the Grand Line.”

“Sir, I can probably find an Eternal log pose to Water 7 in Alabasta but maps exist, even if they are not as reliable as a log pose, we can still use them.”

The chef looked at him quietly but his mind was everything but quiet. Zeff was thinking about so many things at the time and if Aryn was right and was able to do what he said, then maybe they could reach Water 7 and Sabaody in two weeks.

Maybe everything wasn't lost.

“I trust you. Do what you think is the best for us. Go and collect what you need for this journey, you're free until tomorrow like everyone.”

Aryn stood up and left the room in a hurry, leaving Zeff alone in his office.

Silently, Zeff looked out the window and sighed before he glanced at the picture on his desk of him and Sanji at the opening of the Baratie.

“I'm coming little eggplant, just wait a little while longer.”

After that, he closed his eyes and relaxed in his chair, feeling more tired than he had ever been.

[unboundtravels]

SHORT TRIPS; UNBOUNDNOVEMBER 8/23 : SENTENCING

To stop a villainous band of renegade timelords known as The War Lords, lead by their maniacal and psychotic War Chief, The Doctor is forced to sacrifice his freedom in order to save not only the day, but his friends. Summoning The Timelords via a psychic SOS, The Doctor and The War Lords are captured. As The Timelords do away with the War Lords, only The Doctor is left for the final sentencing. Erasing the memories of his two closest companions, The Doctor is left alone in the shadowy halls of the sentencing void... as he is left to face his sentencing.

Watching someone you love return to their lives without any memory of you or the adventures you'd shared— It's heartbreaking. The holographic display that showed him his companions being dropped back where they belonged... He felt like he was being stabbed with an awfully cold knife He tried to laugh for them, to tilt his head in joy as they rushed back into the fray of their lives. He couldn't help feeling sorrow over his features as he tapped his fingers together sheepishly. His head sunk, and his brows furrowed. He'd be nothing other than genuine, here. He had nowhere to run, nowhere to hide. This was where he found himself cornered. Finally turning toward his accusers... He stood up straight and inhaled.

Two of his people: Timelords. Not just any, either. Two of the highest authority that there could be. Servants of The Celestial Intervention Agency. They stared down at him, like statues. Robes of glistening white crashed against an all-black void. That's where he was, after all. In the void. It was freezing, but the adrenaline in his veins was causing his body to heat underneath that heavy layer of clothing he was wearing. They were patient, The Timelords. They were waiting for him, watching him. He hardly saw them breathe... let alone blink.

“...Now, then… What about me ?” The Doctor finally worked up the courage to speak. He sounded brave. He really tried to sound brave. But it was very hard. The Timelords' faces changed only subtly, and he felt as if another was compelling them to speak for a higher, shadowy power. He exhaled shakily as the lead judge finally spoke.

“We have accepted your plea that there is evil in the universe that must be fought, and that you still have a part to play in that battle.” They explained, almost logically. They spoke so coldly, and while he felt he should be relieved— He waited with bated breath for more words to be spoken. There was barely any relief if any at all. However, their long silence made him sort of question what they meant. He swallowed a lump in his throat. He knew, however, that they must be waiting for him to speak. The way they formatted this sentencing— required constant interaction with him. It made him feel like a child... being scolded by a parent, as if he had had to admit what he did before a punishment would come. 

He knew he could not be silent forever. “What—? You mean you’re… going to let me go free?” He inquired, and their eyebrows raised suddenly. He watched them exchange looks as if they were expecting that answer. They shared smirks but looked back at him. The way they spoke so relaxingly, was ominous. He froze again, shrinking down when they spoke at him so chillingly.

“Not entirely.”

The catch of their words made him tremble, but he allowed them to continue. “We have noted your particular interest in the planet Earth.” The name made him almost sort of wash over with relief. Although it was only a brief flicker. He exhaled, almost as if he was relieved to hear the mention of his favorite planet. The curiosity in the back of his mind was still keeping him focused, however— but their continued explanation fully recaptured anything that was distracting his attention. “The frequency of your visits must have given you special knowledge of that world and its problems.” They spoke as if they'd been observing him for a very long time. The insinuation that despite not having been able to physically catch him, perhaps he hadn't been a concern of theirs, after all. Somehow, that tracked. 

But... what they were saying... It ... was true. The level of accuracy of their observations had caused him more discomfort, and he tried to keep it subtle— but he imagined he was having a hard time hiding the sweat on his brow. He looked away at them, struggling to regain eye contact, but… eventually… he found his courage. He could feel a third pair of eyes on him. That pair— The one he could not see, made him shiver even more. He talked through his fear, however, keeping his mind occupied on where he was and what was happening. 

“Yes, I suppose that's true.” He acknowledged their observations, “Earth seems more vulnerable than others, yes.” He noted his many perilous adventures there, among the cities of its ancient world and of the distant starships of its advanced future. Where were they going with this? What were they bringing Earth up, for? Was something to happen to it? Was he going to have it taken from him, too? Like he'd had his friends taken from him? Their vagueness caused him more discomfort. However, he remained silent as they continued— although their next statement was... rather brief, and direct.

“For that reason, you will be sent back to that planet.”

They paused. He blinked for a moment, absorbing what they were saying. 

"...Oh." Was that it? "T-That's... That's good, then..." He tapped his fingers together anxiously.

They did not let him sit in that silence for very long.

“In exile.” 

“In Exile?” Exile? What did that mean? He paused, blinking. He'd been in exile this whole time, hadn't he? Running away from his home, the only place that a Timelord could be at home in was a TARDIS, so of course he had to... steal one... but, for all intents and purposes— he was a vagrant. Without a home. He inquired further, unsure of what was going to happen next. They watched, and the lead prosecutor spoke further, his eyebrows raising... like he was talking down to The Doctor.

“You will be sent to Earth in the 20th century, and will remain there for as long as we deem proper.”

And there it was. For some reason, his appalled shock at the statement caused him to blink rapidly. Shock and despair turned into a blood boilingly frustrated anger. That's it? That's all they're doing? Well— Well— They're just going to put him away!? Like he's some kind of shoebox of empty trinkets to hide away in the basement!? He blinks, his throat a bit parched— as if he was thirsty. It was pretty hot in this room, all of a sudden. Well— How was he supposed to get there? What— This didn't make any sense—

“And for that period… The Secret of the TARDIS will be taken from you.” 

Again, he'd felt like he'd just been punched in the gut, the wind stolen from his lungs. Now they had gone too far. Sentencing him? That was fine! Treating him like he's some kind of tantrauming child! Okay, that was what he deserved, maybe he wouldn't say he was tantrauming— but! But the TARDIS!! She… she was his love! His home! Where the memories of his life, and of his family were… of his friends and of his adventures! They… They were going too far!! He tried to find the words to speak his protest but found them coming out as irrational ramblings and disagreements.

“You—!! You can’t CONDEMN me to EXILE!!" He thought back on their words. Now he began to understand what the punishment was. Having to live among humans. wouldn't be so bad, but to be stuck there for the whole time— unable to even know how to use his ship! Maybe he could adjust in a different time period, but— The 20th century? "In— on one PRIMITIVE PLANET!! I-In one CENTURY in TIME!!” How was he supposed to fix his ship in the 20th century!? He suddenly pointed out at them, his movements accentuated by his words, and he finally found an argument that might get him out of this pickle, or at least sent somewhere with more adequate tools.

“B-Besides, I’m known on the Earth." The Doctor stammered, "I-It might be very awkward for me!!” He tried to bluff his way out of this punishment with one wild gamble, he really did… but the way they suddenly smirked. Had they prepared for that? Again, they responded logically and coldly. 

“Your appearance has changed before, it will change again. That is part of the sentence.”

What?

WHAT!? But— Well, they couldn’t DO THAT! Couldn’t they? Was this really a sentencing? Or was it an execution? He blinks rapidly, almost sort of indirectly rubbing at his eyeballs as if to wake himself from a terrible nightmare. He liked the way he looked! He thought it was perfectly fine! And he'd spent quite a long time getting adjusted to this body! Just when he was starting to get comfortable in it— He felt rage boil into his body… pump through his veins. He looked back at them, and despite the fact that they were statues, unmoving and unreactive, he shouted anyway. 

“YOU CAN’T JUST CHANGE WHAT I LOOK LIKE WITHOUT CONSULTING ME!!!”

They immediately interjected.

“You will have an opportunity to choose your appearance.”

“Oh.” He simmered down a little bit. Well, at least he'd get to pick his own disguise, or at the very least buy himself some more time to try and escape this mess before anything they say sticks. “Oh, well, that’s not so bad—” He raised a finger, shook it at them, “But I warn you!! I’m very particular.” He warned before they gestured to the view screen from earlier. He turned toward the screen, the void filling with simulated images that showed faces. They were making him choose now? But— 

This was fine. Play their game. Find a fault in everything to maybe garner more choices. That trick earned him some success in certain situations before, maybe it'd work now! They showed him the first face, which had a great bushy beard… It was sketched, like a portrait— and the age of the appearance made him sulk. Old? He'd just gotten younger, hadn't he? The Doctor scoffed at him. “Oh! Well… He’s too old!!” They changed their faces with every piece of commentary he gave. He looked for any nitpick he could find.

“Well he’s too small, isn’t he!?” “Well, that one’s too young!” “No, No—!! He’s too thin!! Well— can’t you do any better than this!?”

He turned back, chuckling nervously at himself, but chuckling. They seemed already wisened up to his antics, which caused him to shrink back when they spoke, already catching onto what The Doctor was doing as if it was nothing more than a childish antic.

“You are wasting time, Doctor.”

He was getting desperate, trying to yank every hole in their story that he could. “Well!” He huffed, puffing his chest out in an attempt to make himself look bigger and braver before his executioners. “It’s not my fault, is it!? Who’s picked out these faces?! Is this the best you can do!? I’ve never seen such an incredible bunch !” He shouted.

“Since you refuse to take the decision, the decision will be taken for you.”

He pointed at them, “Now!” Okay, chips were down and cards were out. He had to keep pleading, appealing to their decision-making. “No! No! I never said that—” He saw them fading into the darkness, and he continued shouting, “But I maintain I have the right to decide what I LOOK LIKE—! It could be very important on the earth—”

His mouth stopped. As if they had stitched it shut. He felt a pain suddenly washing over his body. He spoke, regardless, forcing words out like they were vomit. “What’s Happening!?” He yanked, pulled, and tried to free his mouth. He feels the floor fall beneath him, feels himself sink into the endless void. He's falling through midair, spinning through an ocean of cosmic nothingness. There aren't any stars, his vision is just black. 

He’s spinning. Falling. Yet, accepting that he is in some type of freefall— He sees himself spinning and changing before him. He sees his own face, his own body, spinning around him. It’s like a horrific nightmare. He can’t wake up. He’s sweating. He can feel his face contorting, stretching, snapping into place. 

“No!! No!! You can’t do this to me—! I— Refuse to be treated like some kind of…” He couldn’t even finish his thoughts. Despite the fact that he could not see it, something was happening to him. He thought he saw his skin glowing. He knew that glow but had never seen it. He was screaming now, trying to make sure his voice could reach any person who'd feel some type of pity for him, or do something for him! He knew help would not come— but still, he shouted as loud as he could.

And still, did the Timelords' sentencing overpower him? He heard their voice in his mind.

“The time has come for you to change your appearance, Doctor, and begin your exile .”

"NO!! STOP !! You’re making me GIDDY!! YOU CAN’T DO THIS!! YOU CAN’T DO THIS TO ME!!!"

"NO!! NO!! NO!! NO!! NO!! NO!! NO!! NO!! NO!! NO!! NO!! NO!! NO!! NO!! NO!! NO!! NO!! NO!! NO!! NO!! NO!! NO!! NO!! NO!! NO!! NO!! NO!! NO!! NO!! NO!! NO!! NO!! NO!! NO!! NO!! NO!! NO!! NO!! NO!! NO!! NO!! NO!! NO!! NO!! NO!! NO!! NO!! NO!!"

[pitynostars]

rewatching PotD properly let's gooo

"is there anyone out there" "yes." This was hot

"what am I doing, I've got a date to get to" is Dan talking ABT Diane ???

The idea of doing an EP about just the cyber TLs would be so interesting imo ajdkkfdjks... Like they're not converted humans but that's their whole deal usually so like....

"don't get shot" *Dan gets shot* prime comedy

"don't lose my sonic" patronising 13 i hate u

Did anyone else expect Dan to turn evil here the way he hesitated over the controls? XD

The alien shows them what they want right ???? Why does the doctor see a random kid?

"I'm the doctor I'm going to protect you" "the doctor lies" lmao

Ive seen people say like. The train CGI the painting CGI is rlly bad but honestly I can never notice but I don't rlly have eyes for that sort of thing

Ace and Tegan Skype friends <3 the ending should have been like this w all the companions where they're all just swapping adventure stories rather than the support group thing

"should we pick u up again in 24hrs" so Dan is on and off the TARDIS at this point ??? Having dates ??? Assuming w Diane but the only person we see him w in the rest of te EP is Graham so I mean....

"Yaz u and I can see where the cyber masters took that child" so... Yaz saw it as a kid too? Did I mishear the line ABT it looking how u want

"it's not my life" hmm I buy that BC we saw his life before of pretending to b the museum guide and helping out at the food bank and stuff he's a community guyTM sure hate that this is so weirdly rushed less i guess "I can attack it now because I've been with you" I buy less lmao... He's had no growth at all??? Also the way it's framed like he's talking to the doc is so odd when he spent more time w Yaz (unless they've been travelling for more than 3 years ???)

The doctor saying "homes important" just makes me HOWL tho ngl

"I'll b kipping on mum and dads sofa tonight" .... Where have u been sleeping all the other 24 hr breaks youve appaz been dropped off for ???

"not one for goodbyes" idk I buy that w 13 we saw the whole "one happy one sad" the hug goodbye for Ryan and graham

...so why can't 13 tell yaz about this traitor dalek??

also the concept of a dalek realising theyve strayed from their og mission does actually kind of slap but we did just see daleks v daleks in revolution so i'm glad this wasnt the main plot again

sacha dhawans acting<3<3

the scene where he looks in the tsarina (?)'s eyes and he's like "are my eyes not full of certainty" and u see him reflected in her eyes.... SICK. have they mentioned the master is kind of hypnotic yet in this era before this?

where are the dhawan telling the tsar to take a holiday vs donna telling caecilius and family to take a holiday in pompeii parallels.

are they saying dhawan master replaced rasputin nd made an alt universe with this cyberplanet in the sky? or is there some historical note about there being something in the sky at that time (?)

i love that the doctor and yaz both barely react to the hahahahahhaha tardis there's no like. wtf. moment they just head straight in.

i think it would have been sweet for 13 to stroke one of its panels and be like "oh shes not mine." nodding to that theyre telepathic!! but we seem to have forgotten that this era 😔.... i feel this generally in this era the relationship between the doctor and the tardis has been lacking actually like apart from ghost monument and spyfall we barely see them interact... i know its not always a Thing but man i loved 11 & the tardis' relationship so much i'd love to see a writer feature it more again 🥺

ive seen some people claiming yaz reads gallifreyan off the screen in the tardis. that would be cool but 100% you can recognise readings u can tell what data/readings are without labels necessarily like i can go into a car and look at a speedo and i dont need numbers on it to know what the readings mean yk?? either way it does speak a lot to teh familiarity she's got with the tardis and i <3<3 ... yaz and the tardis' growth is fun to think about. do you think she was grumpy that yaz was hanging out with the other tardis on earth in revolution ? XD

DOCTOR: Ah, there's a rudimentary cloaking shield in operation. Soon fix that. The Cybermen have tethered that child into this planet. It was registering as an energy source.

YASMIN: How is that child an energy source?

DOCTOR: Wait, there's more layers to the shield. Oh, not just cloaking. It's a consciousness shield! A creature trying to evade capture, hiding behind a visual projection shield, and this one shows us what we instinctively want to protect, as a defence.

Help me out here. Are they saying that the Qurunx also set up the cloaking ??? or that the cybermen cloaked it and it also put up the consciousness shield? ? or was it all the cybermen?? why would it need both?

also the idea of it showing what you want to protect -- do yaz and the doctor and dan ALL just happen to see a child in this situation then ??

"is this planet your doing?" doctor you literally saw the cybermen kidnap the qurunx to bring here 😭😭😭... YOU FOLLOWED THEM HERE

just once i'd like the "your master awaits" to be subverted/mirrored with "your doctor awaits" ...... the "this country needs a doctor" line is hot but its not the SAME.

"have you got any idea whats going on in outspace in 1916 rn" "strangely enuf. no" this line always gets me aklsjflk i love kate

"I'm Yaz. The only one here who doesn't really know what's going on" sorry babe that's your whole character

MANDIP INVENTING ACTING

i am once again asking ok these paintings got "defaced" so its not an alt timeline??????????? they never fixed this in the end right ??????? sweats. so rasputin was teh master alll along historically (?)... and he jst put himself in paintings in modern day ?? but then the dr says "some people think you're rasputin" ?????

"this is the day youre erased from existence forever" .... how does turning into her erase her from existence 😭

dhawan inventing acting

i still dont understand why this "give her a gun" moment is in there.

wait what happens to vinder in the end??? his ships broken

"you'll feel safer with me in the building" LMAO

"she really doens't want us back in there" and then yaz just drops her home w no goodbye to the doctor coolcoolcoolcoool

ok but why did the master clone ashad specifically what difference does he make over like. any cyberman/cyberleader??

love the russian doll cyberman lmaoooo... reminds me of that arc thing from doomsday/aog... TIME LORD TECH

if i had a penny for every time the doctor is forced into one of their enemies only for it to be purely for transport i'd have 2 pennies which isn't a lot but its a bit funny it happens twice

i love the rasputin moment but i dont rlly get the lead in ngl 😭 hes just like k time for my dance number mid speech. which i suppose like. in character XD

sacha dhawan in thirteens outfit.... i'm bisexual<3 i need to get my ears pierced

"Don't… don't… don't worry. You'll get used to me. Everyone will. I still need a companion to ask and… bask in my brilliance. Come on, Yaz. Let's go on an adventure! Don't make me ask twice. I'd hate to have to bring you down to size." /

"Come on, Yaz! Let's save a civilisation! Let's correct history! Rescue a sick animal! These yours? Oh, bless. Ow! What was that? Some sort of dirty protest? Unless you want to be consigned down a black hole for eternity, you'd better behave! I am the Doctor, and you will obey me." snapping in yaz's face "I AM THE DOCTOR NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

-> this would have hit soo different if this actually was the doctor i would HAVE LOVEDDDD it. first time watching i honetsly thought this was still the doctor and the tardis was reacting like that bc the regeneration was so unnatural (like the way she reacted to jack in utopia) but no 😔

mandip inventing acting<3

"very 80s" "thanks!" LMAO

"gold star and a sticker" u r sick

the random news drone on top of a random 2 planets is so.... ??? i feel like a lot of this was cut somehow aslkfjklgds..

also where's the awkward cut scene of yaz standing around while the master's in the wardrobe picking his outfit aksfjgdlkf

[plays the recorder on a burning mushroom planet] king shit

"quite the strength of character this incarnation" "DOCTOR 6: Our predicament! This is supposed to be handed over. You can't ruin it for the next one. / DOCTOR 5: And you were doing so well." i hateee these bits so much its SO patronising

"i dont do robes" lmao

why is whittaker in the reversed robe/the robe they used for time here hm

the hologram i do like as an idea tbf especially as we've seen the basic version w 9 and 11 and whatnot so her developing it to be more ai is rlly fun ... especially after she saw how handy having three of her in diff places was in flux lmaoooo

"it should only activate under the gravest circumstances. Like if I'm no longer around. Now, that would be disastrous. But I will have very subtly inserted a sonically triggered nano-implant under your skin and passed it off as static electricity. f I remember to do that. I must remember to do that." -- so either 13 has only just finished the hologram ai before this ep OR she KNOWS shes about to walk into some Real ShitTM and takes precautions akjfgldf.....

"HOLO-DOCTOR: Whoa! The emotional receptors on the AI are a bit oversensitive. Apparently, you're annoyed with me? Apparently, I should apologise for something?" this is so fucking funny because it comes across literally just like thirteen was she is always this fucking mean and patronising and borderline manipulative lmao its so askjdfglkdf......... blame it on the emotional receptors being oversensitive sure 🙄

i reiterate my point that most of the things/wins we get are done by the hologram dr, yaz is STILL asking the doc for validation even when shes a hologram 😔

"can't hurt the feelings of a hologram" SHE JUST TOLD U SHE WAS AI. watching this after measure of a man is like. HELLO.

"yeah well i didnt" [tosses bag] I LOVE TEGAN

they cld have mentioned nyssa in this rant tho fr

"i'll distract the cybermen" "how are you gonna do that" [cuts to screaming] hELP ASKFJDGLF... THE COMEDY IN THIS EP IS SO

the shot of ace falling into the console room is so fun actually <3

dhawan hood up<3<3

vinder no idea who the doctor is or their history w the doctor or yaz in this ep is. q funny to me.

"YASMIN: I'm sorry. / MASTER: Are you? Truly?/ YASMIN: Came back, didn't I? / MASTER: We could have fun, you know? I am fun. Different type of fun, but fun. We could travel. You'll see. "

i am once again saying i wish we got dhawan!doctor fr with this vibe

the touch of the ai mirroring the companions emotions is cute but i do still kinda wish we'd got whittaker to do these scenes fully

god i want ace and bill to meet actually

"the joy is to watch them fly" 😭😭😭

"former bus driver" is such a funny thing for graham to think when introducing himself

"wanna see how i dealt with them in 1963?" i'm kissing you on the lips

kate sacrificing herself is so<3<3 redgraves acting here is sooooo

jasfkdj tegan slipping on the ladder... is this a ryan reference or is that purely for plot convenienceTM

if the daleks plan is to destroy the planet through volcanoes then who do the cybermen have left to convert .....😭

wait the tardis in this shot LOOKS SO BAD i never notice cgi and whatnot idc but like LITERALLY THATS OBVIOUSLY A BOX WITH THE BACKGROUND PAINTED IN 😭

jo martin my beloved<3 god i wish she got more to do

vinder shooting the master is sooo<3 king

yazs speech about friendship and love got me actually.

i reiterate its the hologram telling yaz what to do this isnt her win wholly and that frustrates me so much 😭...

also how do the daleks and cybermen and master and vinder SEE ruths hologram when the doctor didnt plant the ai in them ?????? the whole static thing was the flag hello ??

"dont let me go back to being me" pleaseeee

"where there's hope..." YOU DIDNT FINISH THAT. THERES WHAT.

[berkeley-mews]

📙📚

hey R! :) as usual, this got away from me, so i'm putting most of this under the cut.

📙 What’s your favorite genre to read, and do you have any recommendations within that genre?

the gothic, babey!! 18th- and 19th-century gothic novels in particular. i love their atmospheric settings, their eeirness, their uncaniness, their exploration of the psyche, their tendency towards "doubling" and parallels between the Self and the Other, and (especially, but not exclusively, in the 1890s imperial gothic) their engagement with contemporary fears and prejudices. a couple of my favourites would be:

the castle of otranto (horace walpole): the first gothic in english literature (published in 1764)!! set in the middle ages, it's fast-paced, it's intense (a character gets horrifically maimed about five pages in), it's (trying very hard to be) shakesperian, it's very funny at times. there is plenty of uncaniness and a fascinating framing device where the author pretends to have found the manuscript of the story somewhere and translated it from the italian. that has so many narratological implications, and i am here for it <3

frankenstein (mary shelley): the (gothic) novel of all time. it's got everything you'd possibly want from a book. arctic exploration. romantic theory of child development & education. science. body-snatching. taking a nap after creating your son out of corpses. sublime descriptions of nature and natural phenomena. a main character who is soooooo trans, but you don't know in what way. gothic doubling, so so much doubling!! seeing your own reflection, your own Self, in the Other (rejecting those parts of yourself before others see them). biblical parallels. much more paradise lost that you'd think. grief and rage and desperation. deeply fascinating narratological structure. i could go on and on but that's the thing about frankenstein. it is open to so many different interpretations and once you read it, you can't stop thinking about it.

the lifted veil (george eliot): this one is predicated on an absolutely fascinating concept. i won't say much, as i don't want it give it away, but the narrative cycles back to the beginning at its end, with an absolutely chilling effect. there are some very fun references to frankenstein in there. it's george eliot, so of course there's masterful psychological portrayals involved. the main character is utterly pathetic and i am here for it. a supernatural situation presented realistically, with very well thought-out consequences.

the island of doctor moreau (h.g. wells): this one is a 'scientific romance' ('romance' in the older sense of 'adventure story'), as wells put it himself, but it decidedly has that eerie, unsettling gothic atmosphere. the horrors of science, and vivsection (an extremely controversial practice, even at the time it was written) are at its core :) it's peppered with interrogation of what 'humanity' actually is, or should be, and interacts with contemporary science in some interesting ways, but mostly it's just a well-paced, entertaining adventure, with a very believable protagonist.

i could go on and on, really, so i'll stop (almost) here. some of my other favourites are, of course: jane eyre, wuthering heights, the beetle (this one is a mess, and yet i can't help loving it), the hound of the baskervilles (which began life as the draft of a typically gothic novel, and evolved into a sherlock holmes story!!) and, of course, dracula <3 honorary mention to other classic gothics which i didn't enjoy reading quite as much (mainly for stylistic reasons), but which contain some great ideas and/or characters: the picture of dorian gray, carmilla (i also read 'green tea' from the same short story cycle/collection and uh. it sure is A Story.), and the strange case of dr jekyll and mr hyde.

as a side note.........i'm more than happy to talk about any of these in more depth <3

2. 📚 Do you have a go-to reading spot or do you read everywhere?

i do much of my reading on the bus while i commute (if it is not overwhelmingly noisy). otherwise, i try to make the most of any setting. i tend to bring at least one book with me wherever i go, even when the chances of actually sitting down to read are slim. i think one of the nicest places would be the public gardens (when i'm bothered to walk all the way over), and theoretically the seaside, but i always get distracted somehow when i'm at the latter. i also enjoy reading in the attic, as it's, y'know, the quietest part of the house.

thanks for much for the ask <3

[be-with-me-so-happily]

Chapter 1

Series Summary: There are moments in our lives that have a major impact. The interactions, the adventures, and the love, all make up who we are. But when Harry can't remember those moments with YN, they are both left wondering what that means for themselves and their relationship.

Chapter Summary: This is the start of their story. Well, the start of the switch in their story, if you will. And if sympathy is in your soul, you'll want to pull it out because they will need it from the get go.

~~~~~

Chapter Warnings: Car accident, hospitalization, memory loss, medications, and a lot of angst

~~~~~

It's a surreal experience, to say the least. Everything happens in slow motion, but too quickly at the same time.

It was supposed to be a simple date night for you and Harry. Your plans involved having dinner at Tasty Palace, your favorite Chinese restaurant, and seeing a movie. You hadn't even bought a ticket, because the two of you wanted it to be a 'spur of the moment' decision- a fun way to make it interesting.

Your plans did not include a drunk driver, or an ambulance ride. Your plans did not include pacing outside of a room with your boyfriend on a hospital bed, waiting as he lies still and quiet, wishing with everything you have that he would wake up.

So you stand out there, staring at your phone, hoping that you were able to form some sort of sentence during your call with his mother, Anne.

As your eyes turn back towards the door, your vision becomes blurry and your mind becomes fuzzy. You feel your body start to get weak and barely hear someone calling for help.

•••

A soft voice brings you back to normal, and you blink your eyes open to see Anne kneeling in front of you.

"Oh thank goodness. YN, are you alright?" She asks, her eyes pointed at you without any sign of moving.

"I think so. Did I faint or something?"

"Yes. I arrived right as the nurse grabbed you to keep you from falling."

Your mind clicks into gear and your body sits up straight as can be, and your head snaps over to Harry's room.

"He isn't awake yet, darling." She sighs, and your shoulders slump down. "I'm here now, if you want to get some rest. You should rest."

You slowly shake your head. "I want to be with him."

"YN…"

"No!" You shout, causing a frown to form on your face at the shock of your own tone. "I'm sorry, Anne."

"It's alright, darling." She moves to sit in the chair next to yours, placing her palm on your back as she rubs it up and down to soothe you. "S'gonna be alright."

Tears flood immediately, and your face drops into your hands.

"I can't… I don't…" you utter, unable to keep your mind from beginning to think the worst.

She wraps her arm around your shoulders. "It's going… it's going to be alright… it's going to be alright."

She rests the side of her head against yours, as her own tears start to fall down her cheeks.

•••

Two days you've both been there, waiting. Calling family, friends, your boss, his boss… and waiting. Unable to give any updates, unable to give any answers, unable to process any of what happened, and unable to do anything but wait.

It is your turn for what you and Anne are calling a 'shift'. One of you stays in Harry's room, while the other takes a break to grab some food or coffee, reply to those texts and calls with no new information, and to clear the chaos of thoughts swirling around in your head.

You find the coffee machine that has the least disgusting choices, which are nothing to be excited about, and fill up two cups.

As you come back up to Harry's door, you notice a few more people have entered, and you take a deep breath before you walk in.

As you move around to where you see Anne standing, your gaze darts over to follow hers, seeing Harry's gorgeous and deep green eyes open for the first time since that daunting night.

"Oh my god." You whisper, handing Anne her coffee, as you try to keep your composure while the doctor explains the situation.

"Harry, you've suffered a TBI, which is a traumatic brain injury. Do you remember what happened?"

Harry just shakes his head.

"You were in a car accident, sweetheart." Anne exclaims, eyes flickering to yours with an grateful and relieved expression.

You just want to hold him, and kiss him, and nuzzle into his neck as you feel the joy of finally seeing him awake again.

"I… I was?"

"Now, we don't really know the extent of your injury. Only time, and maybe a few tests, will tell. But you are awake, and that's the first step. It's a good sign."

"Oh my god! I'm so glad you're okay!" You blurt out, rushing to the bedside just to touch his arm.

"Oh… Umm… Were you in the accident too?"

"Yeah, but I'm okay. Just some scratches, and bruising." You smile, squeezing his forearm, relieved to feel the muscles contract.

"I'm… I'm sorry." He utters.

"Don't be, Harry. It wasn't your fault."

"Oh. So…" He pinches the bridge of his nose. "So… does that mean… your car hit mine?"

"What?"

"Did we crash into each other?... Or…?"

"Sweetheart, now is not the time to joke around."

"Harry. It's me. YN."

"I'm sorry… I don't know… I don't think we've met…"

Suddenly, your heart stops and you stand up straight, taking a step back from the hospital bed.

"What?" You whisper, turning your head directly to the doctor.

"It's possible he is suffering from some memory loss. There was no brain bleed, but we can order some tests to see if we can get some more answers."

"Thank you Doctor Green." Anne replies.

The nurse checks the monitors and they both exit the room, leaving the three of you alone to process everything that just happened.

"Harry, you really don't remember YN?"

He stares at you and simply shakes his head.

"She is your girlfriend. You live together. You… you love her."

"That… no… what? No… That's not right…" He states, running a hand through his hair, and clearing his throat. The telltale sign that he is nervous. "I'm… I'm with Tabitha…"

Now your heart sinks, and your stomach turns to knots, as Harry claims to be with the woman he was once with. The woman who came before you. The woman who he told you had hurt him tremendously.

"Is she here?" He asks, and you turn around as tears return to the corners of your eyes. "I... would like to see her."

"Sweetheart-"

"No, Anne." You grab her hand and give it a small squeeze. "It's okay."

"Y/N…"

"He's probably overwhelmed, and needs some time. It's okay." You state, hoping your shaky voice seemed steady enough to convince her of some sincerity in your words.

She nods, and you turn back to Harry, displaying the most minimal smile you can manage.

"I'll see about getting you some food."

"Thank you… umm… YN?" He replies. "But please no chicken noodle soup… I hate it."

Your head drops and you let out a deep sigh.

"I know."

You open and exit through the door, taking a couple of steps until you are out of their view. Your hands cover your face and your back slides down against the wall, tears streaming down in a sob as your heart begins to break.

•••

The test results did not bring any comfort. There was nothing visible to indicate any concerning physical trauma, which is actually common.

The neurological exams determined that Harry has good motor function, reflexes, and coordination. But, it was confirmed that Harry was suffering from retrograde amnesia, and it's unknown how long it will take for him to get his memories back, if he ever does.

This is Harry. The love of your life. The man who dragged you outside into a storm because you told him you'd never been kissed in the rain. The man who learned to make your coffee order just so that you could stay just a few extra minutes at home with him before heading to work. The man who sat on the bathroom floor with you, all night, holding you while you cried.

He means everything to you. Everything.

So... how can what they're saying be true?

How can it be true that you mean nothing to him, because he doesn't remember you?

But he doesnt. He does not remember you. He does not remember your relationship, the entire two years and a half years that you've been together. He does not remember your first date, your coffee order, or your love for each other.

As if that wasn't heartbreaking enough, the person he does remember being with, the one he does remember loving, is the one who actually broke his own heart.

Tabitha.

Nothing, literally nothing, can prepare you for this. What are you even supposed to do now?

•••

As you stare out the window, you feel those strong, warm, tattooed arms wrap around you from behind, and Harry's lips on your cheek.

"So…"

"I love it! Absolutely love it!"

"I knew you would! This is ours, Cupcake. Our new home together."

You twirl around to face him, being met with a wide, dimpled grin. You wrap your arms around his neck as your lips hover in front of his.

"I can't wait to get our furniture in here and really make it feel like us. It's what I do best!"

A mischievous smirk displays across his face. "Well, the bed is set up, I can make you feel something right now… I'd like to think that's what I do best."

It has been decided, moderately protested by Harry, that you will take him back to your place. Hopefully the familiar surroundings can help him regain some memories, or at least bring him some comfort.

"I'm sorry the elevator was a bit loud. They keep telling us they'll fix it soon, but you know how that goes…" Your eyes widen with your statement. "Or… umm… I'm sorry."

"S'alright." He states, looking down at his feet as you slide the key into your front door. "I do know how those things go."

"Right. Of course." You shake your head as the door opens, and you toss your keys on the entry table.

Your eyes stay fixated on him as he looks around the place, his gaze stopping every once in a while on different items, but quickly returning to scan his surroundings.

"Do… you remember anything here?" You ask timidly.

"Not really." He lets out a deep sigh. "It, umm, it feels like it could be mine, though."

You stay quiet, continuing to let him embrace the living space.

"Where… umm… where is the bathroom?" He asks. "I'd like to take a shower, if that is okay?"

You clear your throat, hoping to keep yourself steady. "Oh, yeah, it's, uh, right through here."

You make your way to the bathroom, and open the bedroom door.

"Your clothes are in here." You state, opening his drawers.

"Thanks." He replies, grabbing a pair of shorts and his favorite shirt. He's had it forever. Longer than he's known you. Long enough to still remember it.

"I can order some food, if you want." You suddenly state.

He shrugs. "Sure. What's your favorite?"

Tasty Palace. But there's no way you're suggesting that. Maybe not ever again.

"There's Chico's." You reply, staring at your hands as you pick your nails. Harry stays quiet, and when your eyes move back over to see his confused expression, you realize your mistake. "Oh. Umm… it's a Mexican restaurant down the street. You… you like it."

"Okay." He shrugs. "Would… you mind just ordering what you… know… I'll like?"

"Of course." You smile, leaving the room and closing the door behind you.

•••

After sitting in silence, eating as much as you can manage with your new lack of appetite, Harry finally speaks.

"This is awkward to ask…" he swirls his fork around on his plate. "But, are we… going to sleep… in the same bed tonight?"

If you didn't know that the current situation was the cause of the pain, you would've been sure you were having a heart attack. Your chest tightens and your breath escapes you.

It's not even something you had thought about until this moment.

"That's up to you." You look up at him, hoping your expression gives him some ease.

"It's just… because… umm, I feel-"

"Harry, it's okay. This is…" you sigh. "Weird. For you."

"This isn't weird for you?" He asks, and you actually see his subtle, genuine smile push through for a moment. The one he does when he thinks he's done something cheeky.

You can't help but almost cough out a laugh. "Oh, it's definitely weird. But probably not as bad since I'm the one that…"

"Remembers." He nods.

"I can't imagine how you feel. And if sleeping separately is more comfortable for you, then that's what we will do."

"Umm, m'sorry, I think it might." His gaze flickers up to you before shooting back down to his plate.

"Okay." You reply. "Are you wanting to go to bed now?"

He nods.

"Okay. Let me clear the plates and I'll just grab my stuff out of the bedroom."

"What?" His eyes finally meet yours for more than a few seconds, and for a moment, you get lost in them. Those beautiful, bright green eyes that you've stared at a million times.

"Oh, so I can sleep on the futon in the office."

He shakes his head. "Absolutely not. I'll sleep there."

"Harry, you've been laying in a hospital bed for the past few days. You can sleep in the bed. It's fine."

"I can't do that to you. M'sorry. This is your-"

You both fall silent, your gazes immediately dropping to the floor. Your breathing quickens slightly and you look up to him before tears trickle down your cheeks. Your chest is tight, but you don't want to push this and make things more uncomfortable for him than it already is.

"Okay. Thank you. But let me know if you change your mind." You state, doing the best to send him a smile.

"Alright." He quietly replies.

You grab his pillow, a clean sheet, along with one of his most used blankets, and help him make it comfortable.

Once it's done, you both stand there, staring at the bed, not really knowing what to do next.

"Well, uh, yeah, goodnight." You mutter, maneuvering your way towards your bedroom, and stopping in the doorway.

"Goodnight, YN."

"I love you." Your eyes widen immediately and you wince at your words.

"Oh… umm… yeah… I…"

"It's okay, Harry. I'm sorry. Have a good night." You blurt out, rushing to the bedroom and closing the door.

You immediately flop onto your bed, simply shimmying off your pants, and curling under the covers. The bed feels larger, and colder. It doesn't feel right. But of course, none of this feels right.

Suddenly, the sobbing starts, and you bury your head in your pillow, hoping and praying and wishing -doing anything and everything you can- to have your Harry back in the morning.

•••

As your body begins to shift, your mind begins to wake up, and you can smell the scent of breakfast wafting through the house.

You open your eyes and instinctively reach over to the other side of the bed, before sighing and getting up to throw on some comfortable clothes.

You walk out and see Harry fumbling his way through the kitchen, opening and closing some cabinets before moving on to the next.

"Good morning." You state softly.

"Oh fuck!" He shouts, jumping and spinning around to see your face. "M'sorry, umm yeah, good morning."

He pulls his lips inward, telling you he is embarrassed by his reaction.

"Sorry I scared you." You chuckle.

"S'alright." He replies, a tiny blush appearing in his cheeks. "M'trying to find the mugs…"

"Oh!" You move into the kitchen, standing next to him, feeling his warmth, and point to the cabinet above you. "You were almost there."

"Fucks sake." He mumbles as he shakes his head, opening it up and looking at his options. He points to a white one, with a smirk growing on his face. "Whose is this?"

Your eyes follow his finger to the mug with big, bold letters printed on it, spelling out the words 'Fuck it'. You can't help but giggle.

"Yours."

His smirk grows a bit deeper to show off your favorite dimple. "Yeah, that tracks."

He pulls it down and fills it up. "I still… umm… drink black coffee, yeah?"

You nod. You bring down a plain mug, filling it up and adding some vanilla caramel creamer from the fridge.

"So… I, umm… took a while to find everything, but I made some pancakes if you want some... I hope that's okay?"

"Of course it is. They're your favorite." You clear your throat. "Thank you."

He plates a few for the both of you and moves to sit at the kitchen table, followed closely by you.

"You have an appointment this morning." You state, causing him to look up from his plate.

"Already?" He asks, his brow furrowing in the way it always does when he is slightly confused.

"I guess that's normal with brain injuries." You quietly reply. Just saying those words makes you feel queasy.

"M'kay." He shrugs.

"But your mom wants to have us over later, if you want to do that."

"Yes!" Harry exclaims, excitement in his tone for the first time since last week.

"Alright. Good." You nod, taking one last bite of pancakes before standing to clear your plate.

You move around your chair, your plate in hand, and lean down over Harry's head, placing a kiss on top.

He clears his throat and his eyes flicker up to you for only a moment before you straighten up.

"Shit." You mumble. "I'm so sorry. It's just a habit. Well… for me… not for you, I guess… not anymore… I need to shut up."

Your free hand covers your face and you stumble into your chair as you try to make your way into the kitchen.

As you place your plate in the sink, trying to compose yourself, you hear Harry's chair squeak across the floor and feel his warm presence close by.

"Umm…" Harry utters. "M'sorry this is weird for you too, YN."

Your eyes shoot up to his. His gorgeous green eyes, that once looked at you with vibrancy, but now just stare back at you with uncertainty.

"It's…" you inhale a deep breath, turning your gaze back down to the sink. "It's not about me. It's about you. Getting you… back to you…"

He chuckles, placing his plate on top of yours in the sink, and beginning to walk toward the office. "Whatever that means."

Exactly. What does that even mean? Because, who is he now? What if he never gets back to being… your Harry?

•••

"So, Harry, how are you feeling this morning?" Dr. Green asks.

"M'fine." Harry reluctantly replies.

"How are you really feeling?" She asks again.

He sighs, looking down at his hands and fidgeting with his rings. "Sore."

"What's sore?"

"Everything."

She nods, typing his answers into her computer, then looking over to you.

"And what about motor function, balance, things like that? Have you noticed any changes Miss YLN?"

You sit up straighter, not realizing you'd be asked any questions. "Uh… everything has seemed fine."

"Good. Good." She types again. "And now, let's discuss memory. Any improvement?"

Your head drops down too and you hear Harry sigh.

"I… umm… it's… it's just…" He stutters.

You quickly look over to him, watching his fidgeting increase, and turn your gaze to Dr. Green.

You lean over, placing your hand on Harry's forearm like you always did when he was anxious.

"I'll wait in the lobby." You state. He lifts his head and looks over to you, only responding with a nod.

You get up, your chest tight at the thought of Harry, your Harry, feeling more comfortable without you by his side.

You exit the room and find the closest chair, starting to feel faint again, like you did that first night in the hospital.

"Are you alright, Miss?"

You look up to see a nurse glancing over from the front desk of the office.

"Yeah. I'm okay. Just…" You breathe in to try and gain some control of your lungs. "It's just a lot."

"These things are." She nods. "But he's lucky to have you here with him."

"Mhmm." You mumble.

"It's so important and helpful to have the people who love him, and who he loves, around to support him."

You scrunch your face, staring at the ground, as your heart starts to sink.

The people who love him. Yes. But the people who he loves? That might not be you anymore.

The door opens and you stand up to join Harry as he shakes the doctor's hand.

"As long as nothing gets worse, we will see you in a week, Mr. Styles." She looks at you and you nod in confirmation. "Remember to relax and let your brain heal itself. Don't pressure yourself. But do those few, small tasks to exercise it too. It could help regain those memories for you."

"Thank you Dr. Green." Harry replies.

You shake her hand and lead Harry back to the car.

As you settle into the driver's seat, you look over to see a solemn expression on his face.

"Would you like to go back home… back to the apartment… first? Or straight to your mom's?"

He perks up at the last suggestion. "My mum's! Umm… yes, my mum's please."

"Sounds good."

"You… umm… know the way. Yeah?" He mutters.

"Yep." You state casually. "I do."

•••

"Should I bring something? I feel like I should bring something."

"You're biting your thumbnail again."

"I'm nervous!" You exclaim.

"You're really cute when you're nervous." Harry smirks.

"I'm meeting your mum. I want her to like me!"

Harry stands up from the couch, walking over and pressing his body right up against yours, the sweet scent of his favorite Tom Ford cologne instantly calming you.

"She's gonna love ya." He states, kissing your forehead as you grab onto his arms. "How could she not? I do!"

The drive to Anne's house is usually quick, but feels painfully long today, with your thudding heartbeat being the only noise you can hear on the car ride over.

You let out a small sigh of relief as you pull up into the driveway, but feel a little disappointed when you hear Harry do the same.

Anne immediately opens the door once you knock, and wraps Harry into a big hug.

"Bloody hell, Mum. I'd like to breathe, if that's alright." Harry whines.

"I get to hug you as tight as I bloody well please, thank you very much." She replies, releasing him and pushing him into the house.

"Alright, fair enough. M'gonna grab something to eat." He walks right through the doorway and straight into the kitchen.

"At least he still remembers where things are in this house." You sigh.

"So nothing's changed?" She whispers, shutting the door behind you, as you both stand in the entryway.

You shake your head and cross both arms around your body.

"I don't know what to do Anne."

She wraps you into a big hug, one palm rubbing up and down your back for comfort.

"It'll be alright, darling. I just know it will." She pulls away, grabbing both sides of your face and lifting it to meet her intense gaze. "It'll be alright. I love my son, but I also love you, and I'm here for you too. Yes?"

"Okay." You whisper, choking back to lump in your throat.

"Let's go sit." She suggests, guiding you into the living room. As you walk in, you see Harry sprawled across the sofa, humming a tune and peeling a banana. He looks comfortable right there. But even better, or maybe worse, he also looks happy right there.

"Your sister will be by in a bit." Anne states, causing Harry to look up with a distinctly mischievous smirk. More noticeable than the one last night. It shows off one dimple, his left one, every time. It's a dead giveaway that he's about to throw out some major sass.

"I remember her being a pain in the ass." He chuckles. "I remember that correctly, yeah?"

"Harry…"

"M'just checking, Mum. Just tryna remember the important thing-" His eyes shoot over to yours and your stomach drops. You do your best to give him a small smile, and even a shrug, hoping he will believe that you don't mind.

Because who wouldn't mind the love of their life not even remembering that they love you, right?

The doorbell rings and you are snapped out of your thoughts, thankfully, as you see Gemma walking through the door.

"YN! Lady! I've missed you!" She exclaims, walking over and giving you a tight hug. "I'd ask how you've been but…"

She pulls away, holding both of your shoulders in her grasp, and stares into your eyes.

"Yeah." You shrug.

"M'fine by the way!" Harry shouts, grabbing his head and groaning from raising his voice. You reach in your bag and hand some medication to Gemma, as she makes her way over to him.

"Okay, lil brother, this'll be a rare sappy moment from me…" She hands him the pill and squats down next to his spot on the sofa. "But, I'm so glad you're okay. How are you feeling?"

"Yeah. Umm. M'fine, I guess. Everything hurts." He mumbles as he swallows the medication. His eyes flicker over to you before looking back to her. "And m'confused as fuck."

You grab a glass from the cupboard and pour some water, taking a gulp to swallow the lump in your throat.

Gemma's gaze then flickers over to you, and you see her smile. "Well, I know YN has always been good at taking care of you when you're sick so you're in good hands."

"M'not sick, Gem. I'm injured." He replies, with the stern furrow of his brow, that you know means he's fully serious.

"I know. Still applies." Gemma shrugs, kissing his forehead and standing back up.

"Harry, sweetheart, I pulled out a photo album." Anne states, pulling a large book off of the kitchen counter. "I thought you could take a look. Maybe it'll help to jog your memory."

"Can I please just relax first?" He sighs, leaning his head against the back of the sofa. "Feels good to finally relax."

"But-"

You place your hand on Anne's. "He's right. He should relax."

She returns your gaze with the most compassionate expression that eyes can give someone, and reluctantly nods.

"Maybe later then." She replies, placing the photo album back on the counter.

"Mhmm." He hums, placing his hands behind his head and closing his eyes.

Anne motions for you and Gemma to follow her to the backyard, and you walk out to the patio.

You sit down in a large, cushioned patio chair, and bring your knees up to your chest, wrapping your arms around them for comfort.

"So, what did the doctor say?" Anne asks.

"Not much when I was in the room." You shrug. "Just that he needs to relax, not to pressure himself too much."

"Anything about his memory loss?" Gemma asks, and you shake your head.

"I guess she gave him some things he can do to help but…" You sigh. "I don't know."

"YN. It'll be alright." Anne states.

"I know he'll be fine." You reply, feeling your voice start to shake and some tears start to form. "But… I'm… I'm like a stranger to him now."

Anne shakes her head. "He'll remember."

"He loves you!" Gemma adds.

As you rest your chin on your knees, the tears begin to fall.

"Does he? Because I'm worried he won't remember that he does. And…" Your breath begins to quicken. "I'm worried he won't again."

They both move to sit on either side of you, on the arms of the chair, and run their hands up and down your back.

"It's been one day." Anne whispers. "I know it's hard. Give it a bit of time. He loves and adores you. He'll remember. It'll be alright."

You don't respond. You just bury your face in your knees and begin to let the tears flow freely. Anne kisses your head and both ladies stand up.

"We'll be inside." She whispers, and you hear the back door shut.

You know she's right. It's only day one and you're thinking the worst? You can't give up that quickly. And you have got to be strong for him.

You let out the last few tears that are sitting at the corners of your eyes, take in a deep breath, and shake out your hands.

You make your way back inside and to the living room to find Anne, Harry, and Gemma sitting on the sofa, flipping through the photo album Anne had pulled out earlier.

"These are your students at a recital last year." Anne states, directing Harry's attention to a photo in the middle of the page. In it, he had a huge grin of his face as he kneeled between three kids, their instruments in hand.

"So I still work at Edison Arts Academy?" He asks, looking up at his mom with a smile, seeing her nod. "Good."

"And this is you, Sarah, and Mitch at a gig downtown." Gemma points to another photo. "You remember them right?"

"F'course!" He exclaims. "But… we actually played gigs? That used to just be a dream I had."

"You were… are… really good." You chime in.

"I'd hope so. Otherwise I'd be glad to not remember embarrassing m'self."

He looks over the rest of the page and flips it over, landing on one filled with photos of just the two of you. Things he remembers absolutely nothing about.

"I… we… went to Jamaica?" He questions, his finger placed on top of a specific photo, which you took as he sat in front of a jerk chicken stand.

"Yes. You, YN, and a few of your friends." Anne responds.

"Never… I never thought I'd do that…"

"You volunteered for a summer program over there, to help teach kids to read music." You state.

"Oh… okay… that makes sense." He quickly looks to his side to meet your gaze. "So, do you teach as well?"

"Oh. No. You had asked me to go with you all. So we could have a little vacation together too." You clear your throat and sit up straighter.

"Oh." He looks back down at the photos. "That sounds nice."

You smile to yourself, remembering the late nights with everyone on the beach and the fit of giggles you burst into when trying to get up on the surfboards. Remembering the walks around the town with a delicious Jamaican coffee in one hand, and Harry gripping onto the other. Remembering the glow he constantly had on his face after those morning classes, beaming with pride over a student who had learned to play a new song.

"It really was."

He flips through some more pages, stopping to look at some photos of Christmas spent with his whole family, a couple of his cousin's new baby, and one particular photo that you didn't even know existed until this moment.

Anne holds the page down before Harry can move on, pulling out the photo and holding it in both of her hands.

"This is one of my favorites of you two."

You lean in closer, as does Harry, and see yourself sitting next to him on a piano bench. Your head is resting on his shoulder as his fingers press down on the keys.

"When was this?" You ask, looking back up at Anne.

"It was last spring, when I was really sick." She replies. "You both took the day off to take care of me. And when I came out from an afternoon nap, seeing this, I…"

She pauses and wipes some tears from her cheeks, holding the photo against her chest before bringing it back down to her lap.

"S'alright, Mum." Harry says, gently, rubbing his hand over hers. "What were you saying?"

She looks over to him with a smile, and then to you, turning her body slightly more towards yours. "It was the moment I knew that you truly loved Harry. And that we were important to you too."

Your eyes fill with tears again as you wrap each other in a hug.

"It's going to be alright." She whispers, pulling away and nodding when she meets your eyes.

Your attention is suddenly taken by Harry, watching as he pinches the bridge of his nose and groans.

"Fuck. This is a lot…" He mumbles. "I think I need to take a break."

"I'm sorry." You scoot away on the couch.

"No… you don't… you don't need to be sorry." He states, quickly meeting your gaze. "It's just…"

"A lot." You sigh.

He nods.

"Umm… I was thinking… I'll take a nap."

"Yeah, that's good." You reply.

"Mum, does my old room still have a bed?"

"It's a guest room, so yes. There's extra blankets in the closet." Anne states.

"My favorite one?"

Anne looks over to you, and you begin to bite your thumbnail, before quickly composing yourself and looking back up to him.

"It's at our place. You brought it with you when we moved in."

"Oh… okay. S'fine." He mutters, giving his mom a kiss on her forehead and stopping next to you. "I'll… be in there then."

You give him a small smile and turn around to watch him walk down the hallway.

"Do you want to take a nap too darling? You can use my bed, I just put on fresh sheets." Anne asks. "You deserve a rest too."

"No. Thank you." You sigh. "I think I'm gonna use the restroom and then sit outside again."

She gives you a kiss on your temple and moves to put away the photo album, so you head to the bathroom.

As you get inside, you splash some water on your face and dry off with a towel. You place your hands on either side of the sink, staring down at the drain, and wonder what it would be like to just get washed away. Find yourself somewhere else, and not have to deal with all of this.

You shake your head to shake out those thoughts. You can't feel sorry for yourself. Harry is going through a much harder time than you, and feeling down isn't going to help anyone. You're here for him. He needs you, even if he doesn't know it. He needs you, right?

You open the bathroom door and begin to walk back down the hallway, when you hear some hushed chatter coming from the guest room. You can't help but to stop where you are, unsure if you should listen in, but unable to move in any other direction.

"It's just weird, Mum. It's so weird." Harry whispers. "I don't know her."

"You do, Harry. You know her, and you love her." Anne replies.

"Everything is just so strange. So different. So confusing." You hear him sigh. "Like, this guest room feels more familiar than that flat I apparently have now."

"Just give it time, sweetheart." She utters. "I promise, it's a great life you have now."

You hear him sigh again, and your chest feels tight. It hurts that things aren't back to normal, but it hurts more that it's causing him so much uneasiness.

You head to the kitchen, turning on the sink and grabbing the dish soap.

Anne walks in and stands right next to you. "You're doing this to distract yourself, aren't you?"

You look up at her and nod. She knows you. You love that she knows you. At least one of them does.

"Alright. I'll be watching some shows. You don't need to clean the whole house, so join me when you're done."

"I will."

"YN…" She squints in your direction, waiting until you meet her gaze. "Please. Come relax with me when you're done."

"Okay. I will."

•••

Footsteps down the hallway cause you to look up from your phone, and sit up on the sofa.

Harry appears, running his hand through his hair as he looks over to you.

"Hi." You utter. "Good nap?"

"Mhmm." He replies. "Definitely need it. Where's my mum?"

He looks around the room.

"Oh, uh, she got called into work. And Gemma had some plans or something."

"Alright…" He replies. "So, should… we just head out then?"

"If you want to."

He shrugs. "Nothing else to really do, s'pose."

"Right. Okay."

You both grab your things and head to the car.

As you pull out of the driveway and head down the main road, you turn on the radio. You figure it'll feel like a long trip back, so some music will help ease the uncomfortable silence.

"I love this song." Harry states, as the first chords of a Rolling Stones song begin to play.

"You sing it all the time." You reply. "You actually play it at some of your gigs."

"I do?" He rubs the back of his neck, a sign that he feels awkward. "Guess that makes sense."

He turns to look out the window, tapping his fingers on his thigh, and humming along to the song.

"Hey… umm… would you rather stay at your mom's house?" You sigh, readying yourself for the answer you assume is soon to follow.

There is silence. You're not sure if that's any better than a quick response.

"Harry?" You utter, looking over to him as he stares out the car window.

"Hmm?" His head turns to you. "Sorry."

"It's okay." You look back to the road. "I was just saying, uh, that if you'd rather stay with your mom then I understand."

Out of the corner of your eye, you can see his head drop as he fidgets with his hands. He's nervous.

"I… umm… no." He utters, and your head shoots back over to him. "It's… it's only fair to you… for me to try to, like, remember…"

"I don't want to put any pressure on you." You reply, trying to hold back the sudden, but subtle, fluttering you feel inside.

"No. No. You're not." He gives you a small smile, then furrows his brow slightly as he looks back down. "I want to… remember… I want to make sense of things. Y'know?"

"Yeah." You nod, turning back to the road with a tiny smile yourself.

Maybe this will work out. Maybe it will actually be alright. Maybe you'll get your Harry back.

"Is there anything specific you wanna know? Or do?" You ask timidly.

"Umm…" He shrugs. "What do you do? Like… for a job?"

"I'm an interior decorator for businesses."

"What does that entail?"

"I help businesses create an interior atmosphere that works best for the space that they have." You pause, noticing out of the corner of your eye that his gaze is fixated on you. He's always been an attentive listener, and it's nice to see that hasn't changed. "But, in basic terms, I pick wall colors and help place furniture in offices and restaurants."

He chuckles, and god you've missed that sound.

"I once heard… that the color blue… helps to decrease your appetite… like mindless snacking."

You unintentionally let out a big laugh.

"Is… is that wrong?" He asks quietly.

You shake your head and take a few breaths to calm down your reaction.

"No." You giggle once more, then clear your throat and completely compose yourself. "No. It's right. You just… you said the exact same thing the first time I told you what I do."

"I see." He chuckles again. "So… where… where did we meet?"

You instinctually bite your lower lip, looking over at him to see his wide eyes and lips pulled in, the expression he uses when he is calmly waiting for an answer from you.

"At a coffee shop called Way Cup."

"Way Cup?" He smiles. "Oh I get it. Clever."

"We… can go there if you want?" You bite the inside of your cheek, nervous and uncertain of what his answer will be, and how it'll feel to take him there.

"Umm… sure! Sounds nice." He agrees, and a mild flittering reappears inside.

•••

"Oh shit! Oh my god! I am so sorry!"

"S'alright." Harry chuckles. "Minor wounds to my sweater."

You shake the coffee off your hands, throw the now empty cup away, and pick up the cupcake you had just dropped on the ground.

"Poor thing didn't serve it's purpose."

"M'sorry… what?" Harry asks, causing you to finally look up to see the most beautiful green eyes you've ever come across.

"I… uh…" You let out a breathy exhale of a laugh. "I was treating myself. The cupcake was my reward. Now that it's on the ground, it doesn't get to do the job it was made for."

And now you are witness to the deepest, dimpled smile you've ever laid eyes on.

"That's poetic." He replies.

"Also makes me feel less guilty for indulging in it."

He looks down at the hand of yours that's covered in frosting, and then down at his sweater.

"Well, I think I need to get some napkins inside. And I'd love to help another cupcake achieve it's baked good goals. Can I buy you another, and a coffee?"

You feel your cheeks flush.

"It was my fault. You don't need to do that."

"I'd like to. To be fair, I wasn't really paying attention either." He motions towards the cafe door and you nod, leading the way back inside.

You reach the counter and order a foamed vanilla latte with caramel and another cupcake.

"Wow. You really like your sugar."

"Hey, I told you I am treating myself." You smile. "Plus, isn't that how life should be?"

"How's that?" He asks, with a raised eyebrow and a smirk to match his curiosity.

"Sweet." You bite your lower lip. "Life should always be sweet."

You both sit in silence at your table by the front window.

"So we met in this coffee shop." He nods as he stares down at his mug.

"Technically outside."

"Right." He nods again. "And we came here a lot?"

"Yeah."

"Hmm." He continues his head movements. "I just… wasn't normally one to… go out for coffee…"

"Yeah." You shrug.

"How long ago?... Like… how long ago did we meet?"

You begin to bite your thumbnail as you pretend to do a quick calculation in your head. But you know the answer.

"About two and a half years ago."

"Two and a half years?" He exclaims. "I've lost two and a half years?"

"Well…"

"What?" He looks up to you and scrunches his face.

"It's more like, three years. If…" You feel a knot forming in your stomach. "If you remember being with your ex…"

"For fucks sake!"

He rests his elbows on the table and runs his hands over his face.

"M'sorry, Harry." You whisper, holding back the tears beginning to appear.

"I just… I don't…" He sighs, now resting his face in his hands. "How can I… not remember?"

"I need to know something." You state timidly.

"Alright…"

"What is the last thing that you do actually remember?" You immediately regret asking, your heart bracing itself for some hurt that is inevitably headed in your direction.

His eyes shoot up to yours.

"Are you sure?... Like, I don't…" He clears his throat. "I don't want to… make you uncomfortable…"

"I want to know." You shrug, looking down and biting your nail again. "Maybe we can figure out where to start."

"Well… I remember… getting ready for an event…" He furrows his brow, wrapping one arm across his body and bringing the other hand to pull on his lower lip. "A fancy event. I was in a suit."

You know. You know exactly what event it was.

"I think…" You sigh, feeling another large knot forming within. "I think I might have a way to help you out, with the memories."

"What's that?"

"I think there's someone who could maybe help clear things up…"

"Oh?" Harry perks up. "Who?"

Your eyes squeeze shut, and so does your heart, as you take in a deep breath. You can't believe you are about to say it.

"Tabitha."

~~~~~

Series Masterlist

If you'd like to send extra support, I love coffee 💗Bee xx

~~~~~

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