#they said theyre from austin???? no one talks like that oh my god

[selffagellation]

watching red white and royal blue as the child of a politician. in texas. is kinda wild ngl.

[mail-me-a-snail]

for the fanfic ask meme: B, F, H, I, M, Q, R, S, T, U & V!!! c:

OH BOY <3

B: Any of your stories inspired by personal experience?

welllll the everyday miscellaneous was um 99% projecting. i was working thru some mental stuff n i really needed an outlet and bill tench was right there!

F: Care to share a favorite hurt/comfort fic?

does this mean one of my own or one i like. either way ill drop some reccs from both pools.

while im still reading @swearingcactus 's pick me up and memory downs, the hurt/comfort is so so tasty and i love love how the twist is sprinkled into the earlier chapters and its all starting to unfold.

apart from that, @civilization-illstayrighthere 's funny you should ask makes me want to BAWL. if u like the hurt/comfort of past inputs and a love thats a few shades from poisonous, this is the one for u.

as for my own, the your heart is on my sleeve series is just h/c after h/c with some major character death sprinkled in :P

H: How would you describe your style?

i write like im writing for an audiobook. i focus on how sentences would sound rolling off someones tongue, how theyd hit physically once said out loud, etc, because its one of the best ways to figure out how awkward a sentence might sound otherwise.

I: Do you have a guilty pleasure in fic (reading or writing)?

sexual tension and homoerotic teasing but not full blown smut. love it when a character touches another person in some way that gets them flustered and red and then the author leaves it at that :3 so fucking delicious.

M: Got any premises on the back burner that you’d care to share?

one im working on rn has vance infected with a virus that slowly starts raising his internal body temperature degree by degree before he overheats and the virus resets to repeat the cycle :] he has to get it out before it reaches his brain

Q: Do you have any discarded scenes/storylines/projects?

blinks wetly. i dont wanna talk about it theres a whole sideblog dedicated to one of them. but also i had this fic idea where vance gets caught by militech and its this whole thing...theres also a handful of scenes i wrote where kerry goes to vance's apartment in the glen n discovers (to his horror) how many jackets his boyfriend actually has

R: Are there any writers (fanfic or otherwise) you consider an influence?

samantha downing, suzanne collins, austin chant, helena fox, and tj klune are my biggest influences :3 fanfic wise, it would be the two i mentioned above and @glitchinginthegarden and you!! you august you!!!

S: Any fandom tropes you can’t resist?

when two characters r bitter divorced exes but theyre still madly in love with each other and HATEEE the fact that they are. i want them to hatefuck and be pissed off about it

T: Any fandom tropes you can’t stand?

please. lord god. stop woobifying villains. i would like them to retain the nuance they have in canon thank u

U: A pairing you might like to write for, but haven’t tried yet.

SILVERDYNE. i want 2 write for them so bad but i dont know what premise would be interesting to me. im rotating them certainly but nothing's come of it so far

V: A secondary (or underrated) character you want to see more of in fic?

where is rogue my friend the love of my life rogue amendiares

[pearlaqua-eevee]

TLOU EPISODE 1 "WHEN YOU'RE LOST IN THE DARKNESS" LIVEBLOG

IS THAT JOHNATHAN CARNAHAN 

“Viruses can make us ill but fungi can alter our very minds” OH MY GOD THERE ARE LAYERS TO THAT. THE WHOLE PREMISE OF THE STORY RIGHT THERE GENUIS FUCKING WRITING RIGHT OFF THE BAT 

#oh im gonna love this #this remains one of the best stories of the modern age BECAUSE of writing like this #yes yes yes

also the subtle commentary with the shots of the host’s bemused face and the people on set not paying attention, eating...the brilliant thing about this story is the subtle and not so subtle ways it comments on society and that...theres apathy and almost arrogance. Like “this guys ranting, this is crazy, will never happen” and then of course it does much like 2020

ooh. the deniers HATE this, dont they?

HAVING THE FUNGI GROWING AND LOOKING LIKE A CITY AND THEN LOOKING LIKE THE WEBS OF LIGHT SEEN FROM SPACE ON CONTINENTS AND THEN HAVING IT FORM THE SILOUTTES OF JOEL AND ELLIE  HOLY SHIT. NOBODY IS GONNA TOUCH THIS SHOW, ITS BRILLIANT

also the themeeee

I think they changed it slightly for the show, maybe a bit of percussion? But otherwise its EXACTLY like the game, I can hear Marlene narrating

(also I believe Merle is reprising her role as Marlene and FUCKING FLAWLESS ALREADY

im fangirling so hard because I know whats coming and I dont wanna think about it

SARAAAAAAAAHH  (Destiny’s Child, the Clash and Avril?? Girl has music TASTE) Her room feels so LIVED IN I love this

PEDRO HITTING THAT TEXAS DRAWL PERFECTLY, I AM YELLING

#Joel's accent is one of my fav things dont @ me #the fact that Troy Baker is FROM Tx so he played up his actual accent #idk much about Pedro but if that accent is put on its INCREDIBLE

AS a Texan and someone WITH a drawl, I LOVE it when you can tell actors did their work when it comes to the accent. (And here in Tx theres like 6 different regional accents and its the CORRECT one for the Dallas/Austin area!) like it’s the same I’d imagine for Brits or Australians when someone doesnt just default to Stereotypical British and actually does the right one. It just makes the character-details part of my brain SING. It just shows a lot of care for the character

nope. no. the emergency vehicles going by NOOOPE. CAN I EXIT OUT NOW. I REFUSE TO ACKNOWLEDGE

NOPE. Fuck THAT

the kept the Its Not Working fake out. fml

THE NOKIA DAD PHONE. JOEL PLS

oh my god that exchange Joel and Tommy have it sounds DEAD ON like the game. Except in the game the call was to Sarah but like this is PERFECT  

“Which jail, Travis County?”  “Yeah the one on 10″ idk I just love these lines when you can tell the people know what theyre talking about. Subtle little awesome thing as someone who lives close by   (And yeah, very Texan to ask which jail or which official building by the county and not the city, which is apparently how people in other states do it)

oh god. the lights and noises and IMAGINE what Sarah must be going through, Joel isnt there...even if you dont know whats coming thats gonna be really upsetting. 

This is actually worse and more ominous than in the game

holy fuck the look on Sarah’s face when she turns the tv on to see the alert...Nico Parker is a KILLER actress, I can SEE her blood running cold 

SARAH THE ALERT SAID STAY INDOORS. BRING THE DOG IN AND LOCK THE DOOR. DO NOT GO WANDERING AROUND.

NOOOOOO

FUCK. THAT.

THATS DISGUSTING AND HORRIFYING

“You killed her” “Baby Im sorry” And that right there is the horror

OH MY GOD THAT SHOT OF THE NEIGHBOR GOING TO HELP THE INFECTED JOEL RAN DOWN WITH THE CAR AND THEN GETTING ATTACKED

holy shit everything about this is....its like shot for shot, the dialogue is perfect...this is...like its horrific but its done so fucking well. im in horrified AWE

that fear from Sarah, trying to reason it through..."but you'd have to go a lot, right" just. ive been there. This is so...obviously it hits harder after covid but. They hit the visceral FEAR of the unknown..."are we sick, how do you know" just. 2 lines. they expanded on this idea by TWO LINES. and it makes it so much more chilling

this is so. I cant even get words. Im not even 30 minutes in

Sarah being the audience surrogate and having the camera literally from her pov, following HER and where SHES looking, exactly like the game mechanic...we’re with her the whole way through and we experience everything through her eyes, not Tommy or Joel...so the fear is MORE

just holy shit the DIRECTION in this. Everything si done so rihght

there are just no words. that 10 minutes that follow Sarah’s death and the jump to 20 years later...gut wrenching

the way Ellie kicks that tray like the PAUSE as she puts her foot down...such an intentional thing and I LOVE IT ts SPOT ON

BELLA IS PERFECT AS ELLIE HOLY SHIT

“seven...eight...fuck...you” AMAZING

people commenting on “she seems to angry/too quick to attack” like...the live action Ellie goes to attack Marlene but thats about the only added on this. Everything else she did IN THE GAME. I think its the fact that Bella actually LOOKS young that makes people realize

like I dont understand people like “she got tougher over the story” No. She got more TRAUMATIZED and yes got more capable at fighting. But she STARTS OUT hard and tough and SOFTENS. She runs parallel and also counter to Joel. SO much of her attitude at the beginning is just a show and I think people miss that

technically speaking Tess and Joel's relationship didnt NEED more screentime, you knew exactly their relationship with what we got but I love these new/expanded scenes with them

MARLENEEEEE.

“...You my fucking mom or something?” “Do I look like your mom?” “Nooo, you do not.” lmao AMAZING  (I mean TECHNICALLY no...)

“was Riley a terrorist?” DO NOT--  if we get that flashback I’ll CRY

GOD. For people who dont know the endgame, they have no idea how hards Marlene’s “you will die” comment to Ellie hits but NOBODY IS BLACK OR WHITE MORALITY ITS ALL SHADES OF GREEEEYYY

ELLIE JUST ATTACKING JOEL RIGHT OUT OF THE GATE AND HIM OWNING HER LMAO

“IM not going with them!” oh my god she sounded like game Ellie

“Kim you dont have a fucking ear on your FUCKING HEAD could you please!?” oh my god

“What are they capable of?” going back to what I said before: Ellie is still a KID. She talks and acts tough (and she is!) and she grew up at the end of the world but shes still a KID who lived her whole 14 years in a military school and got pinged by Marlene the second she left. And it becomes more clear if you know HOW she got infected...she doesnt know ANYTHING about what the world is like outside the QZ. And thats the most heartbreaking part of the story is her going through those horrors. It’s why her and Joel’s relationship is important add to that that shes LITERALLY in the middle of everyone looking back and forth and being traded and called cargo shes CLUELESS and I wanna hug her 

“Asshole!” thats no way to talk to your dad

also her knife I cry

“yall talk it through but please remember that I’m bleeding out” I FUCKING LOVE MARLENE OK

“Joel. Dont fuck this up. Please” I mean if you told him WHY....

ok but AGAIN. Ellie knows a smuggling code because SHES LITERALLY BEEN RAISED BY THE MILITARY but its just this childish way of blurting it out--something that you dont say out loud out of an abundance of caution--and so easily. Really hammering home that she may KNOW the way the world operates but she doesnt know the how or why...

that “okaaay sorr-y” kind of handmotion lol

“your watch is broken” GOD thats some subtle acting from Pedro. FUCK

also whereas in the game it felt like an idle observation, here it kinda feels like its a tiny bit spiteful. Like shes pointing it out to annoy him.

“you know where to go. so we’re gonna be ok?” parallel that to Sarah asking if theyre sick...the daughter figure looking to the father figure for reassurance that everythings gonna be ok. when deep down they both know it isnt goddamnit

“code broken”    that was SO MEAN but I love it and Joel was about to dad lecture but AGAIN Bella NAILED Ellie’s mannerisms, the way she draws out words or the little head tilts

“Holy shit Im actually outside” AGAIN. the childish excitement. because shes a kid seeing something new and has no clue how serious things are about to get

THE PIPE. FROM RIGHT BEFORE THE CUTSCENE

...does the shot of the officer feel a little like...too much like Bumbling Cop...?

BELLAS ACTING, ELLIE STEELING HERSELF LIKE 3 TIMES BEFORE ACTUALLY MOVING THIS CAST IS WAY TOO GOOD WHAT THE FUCK 

also that scream when she does it. You KNOW this girl has never been in a real combat situation like this

....so I figured they might lean a little heavier on Joel’s PTSD and explore it but I didnt expect them to draw that parallel. SHIT

the look on Ellie’s face

Idk how I feel about that ending. like the show itself spectacular and I love the tie in with the 80s song = danger so its a callback but it feels a little like. Upbeat Hm. Anyone else feel like its a bit out of place?

[jadeittic]

HS + Y/I: 2022 (SERIES)

EXTRA (4)

PREVIOUS. NEXT.

HARRY STYLES + PLATONIC!EX-1D MEMBER!FEM!READER

WARNINGS: ur usual instagram comments, swearing

harrystyles

liked by yourinstagram, blakelively, dkharbour, and 6,355,977 others

harrystyles HS + Y/I. Out now.

view all 321,764 comments

yourinstagram 🤔

username THE LONG AWAITED COLLABORATION

florencepugh im such a proud mom

username ive never felt at home until i listened to their music. youve helped me alot<3

username I HAVE NEVER BEEN SO PROUD OF ANYONE EVER.

timotheechalamet I HAVE THIS ON REPEAT

username is it possible to have a relationship with the both of you please 😊

username preventing myself from writing a whole ass essay just because of this

username LITTLE FREAK???? MATILDA???? WHO HURT YALL 😔

username NOW WHOS CINEMA WRITTEN ABT

username i hope you two know that youve helped me so much i dont even know how to explain it in words

yourinstagram

liked by austinbutler, benbarnes, devonleecarson, and 4,805,472 others

yourinstagram a little birdie told me we released hs + y/i today 🧐

view all 290,849 comments

zendaya SO PROUD OF MY GIRL!!!! ❤️

austinbutler ❤️

username 🤨🤨🤨 hello??????????

username is this the duo we never knew we needed

username i have never ever been so confused with my life until i read the comments

harrystyles Alice would love this. Not sure about Jack, though.

username WHOS ALICE??? JACK??? I AM SO CONFUSED

username I JUST LISTENED TO THE ALBUM AND ITS WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, AND AMAZING. YOU BOTH ARE AMAZING.

username first austin, now HARRY????

username THIS ALBUM SAVED MY LIFE

username WHEN HAVE YOU EVER MADE A BAD SONG. THATS RIGHT, NEVER.

ynrrystan

liked by username, and 23,160 others

ynrrystan YN LN seen leaving the airport at NYC just this morning. It is rumored that Harry Styles was seen with her a few minutes before.

view all 5,694 comments

username 2022 IS THEIR YEAR!

username you cannot even see a small hint of jet lag on her face that is so impressive

username is she and harry going to perform?? if so im so looking forward to it!

username I WILL NEVER STOP TELLING PEOPLE TO LISTEN TO HS + Y/I. EVEN IF I DIE

username ARE THEY HAVING SHOW

username it is not confirmed but it is said that they will perform hs + y/i

username SHES SO EFFORTLESSLY BEAUTIFUL OH MY GOSHHHH

username THIS IS A CHANCE I GET TO SEE THEM AGAIN I LIVE IN NYC

yourinstagram

liked by clairo, maitreyiramakrishnan, simuliu, and 4,374,625 others

yourinstagram reminder: this is one night only, nyc.

view all 478,825 comments

username WHY IS SHE SO HOT WHAT

username IM SO SAD I CANT GO WTF I SPENT ALL MY MONEY AT COACHELLA

username harry you are so goddamn lucky to even talk to her omgggg

username YNRRY👏ONO👏LETS👏GOOOO👏

username YALL ARE SO BUSY TAKE A BREAK

yourinstagram believe me im trying to. someones stopping me from doing so

harrystyles You’re making me the bad guy again.

username so fucking excited to see yall tomorrow

username YOU DONT KNOW HOW LONG I HAVE BEEN DREAMING OF THIS

ynupdates

liked by username, and 26,473 others

ynupdates yn ln and harry styles tonight at one night only nyc!

view all 13,650 comments

username THEY COMPLIMENT ONE ANOTHER SO WELL

username OMG EVEN IF THEYRE WEARING DIFFERENT CLOTHES THEY MANAGE TO FIT TOGETHER

username what the fuuuuuck I WASNT THERE 😭

username SO FUCKING POWERFUL

username THE DUALITY THESE TWO HAVE

username is it still love at first sight if ive seen them more than once

username THE SUNGLASSES ARE MINE HOLY LORD SHE WORE IT

username LUCKYYYYY

username ITS LIKE YNRRY AT 1D ALL OVER AGAIN IM CRYINF

username WHAT I WOULD DO TO REWIND TONIGHT

ynrryforeva

liked by username, and 14,972 others

ynrryforeva one night only, nyc

view all 5,728 comments

username god and goddess

username sometimes soulmates dont need to be romantic

username she played safe and she didnt trip

yourinstagram DONT REMIND ME

username THEY WERE SO HYPER TONIGHT I COULDNT KEEP UP

username I WANT THEY HAD BEFORE STAGE

username WHEN THEY SANG LITTLE FREAK. I HAVE NEVER CRIED SO MUCH

username tell me why i was expecting the other boys to show up.

username WHY ARE THEY SO

username MOM AND DADD

username i had a sore throat after the show

ynupdates

liked by username, and 9,428 others

ynupdates yn ln covers lady gaga’s judas at one night only, new york!

view all 5,496 comments

username SHES THE BIGGEST LADY GAGA FAN I KNOW

username mommy? sorry. mommy..?

username HARRY WAS SO PROUD OF HER

username does she know what she does to us

username THIS COVER WILL ALWAYS BE IN MY MIND RENT FREE

username actually guys she sang that to me bcs she knew judas is my favorite song

username girl…. ik you dont know me but…

username im coming to all of yall as a woman..

username EVEN HARRY BECAME A FANBOY

username SHES SO MOMMY

username ONG SHE CAN USE ME EVERYDAY

username she acts, she models, she sings, omg girl what else can you not do?

yourinstagram

liked by conangray, hichasestokes, madelyncline, and 7,663,555 others

yourinstagram this was one night only, new york.

view all 349,991 comments

username OOOO WHAT A CHANGE OF POSTING

username THIS PHOTO. LORD HAVE MERCY

username im gonna say this one more time… ALL HAIL YNRRY!

username AS YOU SHOULD

username DAMN FUCKING RIGHT

username fruit king

username YALL DROPPED THIS 👑👑

username THEYRE BREAKING THE WORLD

username ON MY KNEES FOR THIS MAN

username THE OUTFITS YALL GAVE US

harrystyles

liked by clairo, kit.connor, maudeapatow, and 7,621,733 others

harrystyles One Night Only. New York. May, 2022.

view all 366,267 comments

username JUDAS QUEEENNNNN

username I WISH I WAS THERE

username SO SO SO SO SO PROUD OMGGG

username i experienced this moment. this exact moment im telling you

username ROCKSTAR BF AND GF

username THE GOATTTT

username the vibes they put on stage that night. i will do anything to experience that again.

username got me crying and shiiii

username THEY LOOKED SO HAPPY ON STAGE I MISSED THEM BOTH TOGETHER

[vincent-frankenstein]

ADHD sides hcs :3c

self projection time? self projection time

feel free to add ur own hcs onto this im jus usin my own experiences here 

startin w PATTON

emotional regulation? who’s she? patton only knows feeling emotions with Every Single Atom in his body so powerfully he might one day Explode

if he’s happy hes HAPPY!!!!! it’s like his body fills with light and he’s walking 2 feet off the ground and nothing could go wrong — and then whoops, something goes wrong, and wh o o ps, hes crying, whoops —

has a million stuffed animals sitting aLL around the house so he always has something to Squeeze

Squeezing is a good stim dont @ me

he throws his whole body into stimming

flapping, bouncing, jumping, spinning — his body must be moving at all times or he will die 

starting things is. Very very hard for him. executive dysfunction hits DEEP and he’s just,,, paralyzed. he wants to do the thing!!! he really does!!! his brain just Wont Let Him

logan used to get very frustrated with him but then patton like, explained how it felt and a little lightbulb went off in logan’s head

“patton, I think you have adhd.���

“... i’m guessin that doesn’t mean im a-delightful-hip-dad?”

then they did some Research together and put together a plan to help patton work around executive dysfunction and, it works, sometimes

when it doesnt, logan makes hot cocoa and sits with him

AUDITORY. PROCESSING. PROBLEMS.

“Hey, Pat, what’s for dinner?” “huh?” “I said, what’s for —” “meATloaf”

hearing is an uphill struggle so sometimes he just Signs instead but a lot of the time he gets so excited about what he’s trying to say he just dissolves into flapping halfway through the sentence

lots of hyperfixations !!!! so many !!! he cycles through em one after another suuuuper quickly 

he never forgets a hyperfixation, and the mention of ANY old hyperfixations will have him cry-flapping

roman: hey did u know they’re making another phineas and ferb movie -

patton, vibrating intensely and sobbing, .5 seconds away from launching into orbit: theYR E MAKING A WHAT

ROMAN

singing is his absolute FAVORITE STIM

that moment where u reach a point in a song where ur chest just, Swells and u can feel ur voice Vibrating ? yeah

sometimes Does Not warm up beforehand bc ??? he has No Choice but to sing along to certain songs and he cant always control when they come on so his voice sometimes gets Very Raspy from belting without warmups

aside from that twirling and doing Ballet Poses are also very good stims. he stick his leggy out Real Far mmhm

roman: *starts a new project and doesnt finish it* *starts a new project and doesnt finish it* *starts a new project and doesnt finish it* *starts a new project and doesnt finish it *starts a new project and doesnt finish it* *starts a new project and doesnt finish it* *starts a new project and doesnt fin

his room is a MESS and NO he will NOT clean it LOGAN he has a SYSTEM 

he doesnt have a system and the mess stresses him out to no end but he has one (1) braincell and it’s dedicated to Starting Projects And Not Finishing Them so

needs validation to survive

like legit if he doesnt get validation he will DIE 

on the flip side, if he gets any sort of rejection, he will also Die

logan: so I read through your latest script, and the idea is solid. We can definitely work with this. I did notice one oddly structured sentence so I fixed that for you —

roman: so you basically hate it and i should die 

rejection sensitive dysphoria is the one villain he has yet to figure out how to slay

contrary to what u might think, he keeps his hyperfixations Very close to his heart. he doesnt think he would survive it if one of the others were to criticize them

the one exception to this rule: disney. 

you cant look at this boy and tell me hes not hyperfixated on disney i mean did you s E E him in that one ep cmon

he will ramble about disney to anyone who will listen for hours. days, even, if you give him the opportunity. infodumping about disney is like injecting pure sunlight right into his bloodstream; by the end of it he’s glowing

once, after accepting anxiety, virgil and roman ended up in another debate about the Meanings of disney movies, but this time it was friendly, and by the end of it roman had gotten to ramble about each and every one of his favorite movies and he had never been happier

it was the first time virgil ever saw him Flap

they still get together to talk disney sometimes

VIRGIIIIL

virgil: *stims while listening to mcr* *stims while listening to mcr* *stims while listening to mcr* *stims while listening to mcr* *stims while listening to mcr* *stims while listening to mcr* *stims while liste

like roman, Music is virgil’s main stim, but he prefers to just. Move. bouncin his leg and drumming his hands in the air and shaking his head etc etc

it takes. literally foreVER for him to trust the others enough to stim around them. music is his main comfort but, for a Long Time, he wouldnt let himself listen to it when the others were around, just bc he knew he’d want to stim and he couLDNT bc what if he got juDGED

but then one day roman starts singing and patton jumps up and starts spinning and virgils like “???” and logans like “that’s how they stim” and virgils like “!!!!”

he Tappy Leg Real Fast

he also has a string of beads he carries everywhere to twist around his fingers bc bead,,, Good Texture

he struggles with rsd just as badly as roman, but he shows it in a Different Way

roman hurts, but hes an actor. he’s not about to invite more rejection by letting them know how much their words hurt! no no no, he keeps up the bravado until hes back in his room and then he breaks

but virgil. the rsd hits and its like, a physical blow to his chest and he crumples, wilting in on himself, and the world around him just sorta, ebbs away. for virgil, rsd is static

after AA the others start to learn his Signs for when hes feeling Bad™ so whenever he shrinks away they’ll stop the conversation and talk him through his insecurities until he feels better

SPOOKY HYPERFIXATIONS ALL THE WAY

went to Halloween Horror Nights one (1) time and now listens to the music on repeat and just. stims for hours

also hes in love with austin gumbam from academy of villains me? self projecting? never 

knows Every Obscure Fact from Every Horror Movie Ever and the urge to infodump is Consntantly at the forefront of his mind but he Never Does

unless someone gives him permission 

virgil: oh? chucky? thats a. cool movie.  did you know that — uh. nvm

logan: no no, go on

virgil, vibrating at a speed that could shatter glass: iF YOU INSIST-

LOGAN,,,,

this bitch is just as bad at Emotional Regulation as patton

hes just better at hiding it

that little stunt w the paper in lntao? he is Constantly .5 seconds away from going apeshitt. that was just A Glimpse into the chaos

he’s just,,,, very very bad at Identifying what he’s feeling. patton hid his feelings from the others, but he still knew what he was feeling, and he knows how to identify emotions

logan, on the other hand? 

logan: passion and anger are both Hot. they must be The Same Thing

patton: i. i mean. not really

logan: goddamnit

or

patton: logan? are you crying?

logan, touching his cheek and finding Tears: hm. tragic. and here i thought i was “happy”

he’d much rather just,,, Not feel but thats not an option bc he still feels things intensely, he just doesnt know What he’s feeling most of the time

quiet stims. he runs his hands along the fabric of his tie, feeling the grooves of the stitches, and readjusts his glasses constantly. if he’s feelin extra wild, he’ll even pull out his rubix cube and solve and re-solve it without even looking

LOTS of obscure hyperfixations

he has so many books on so many different subjects,,,, his room is more of a library than a bedroom and thats just the way he likes it

throwback to that one time he hyperfixated on reptiles and thomas’ little “slimy boy” outburst had him chasing deceit around the mindscape trying to feel his scales “FOR SCIENCE”

memory. problems.

he HATES hates hates hates the fact that things slip his mind so easily. hence, the notebook, and the daily planner, and the deluge of postits hanging around his bedroom

it frustrates him to no end especiaLLY when he forgets important information in front of thomas

patton watches out for the signs of Frustration and brings logan a cup of tea later than day and helps him sort through the Mess of notes on his desk to catalogue the Important Info

just let logan and patton be adhd buds @god bls i beggeth

but when he does remember The Information and thomas praises him? effervescent

logan, after thomas called him cool, kicking down pattons door: I FINALLY KNOW WHAT HAPPINESS TRULY FEELS LIKE

patton: hey! cool your jets there, kiddo!

logan:

patton: :3c

logan, turning around: neveRMIND

patton: nO WAI T-

the day thomas called him cool was the first time he ever Flapped

[ts-akhmim]

Episode 5 | “Wish me luck America” - Dan

I wanted a swap, i practically BEGGED for one because i was ready to cause chaos, so i swap happens .... but its NOT good for me whatsoever because all the people i wanted to flip on and get out somehow end up on the other tribe, and to make it even better, what sole beauty do i get stuck with? connor. yet ANOTHER person lying to my face STILL TELLING ME I WASNT A VOTE OPTION...... just another fool on the list of fools who think IM the fool so this is an interesting dynamic, 4 original brawn, 2 brain, 2 beauty. off the bat it looks like those 4 brawn could be solid, so ive already been working to talk to the brains tribe during the one world twist, so being with autumn and duncan could potentially be good for me, obviously i dont know how theyre feeling but in a perfect world i want to allign with the brains. As much as i would love to vote out connor right away just to send a big old middle finger to the alliance that included him over me in it, but im not sure that can happen. My only hope right now is that there's a crack within the brawn, if there is i can try and get in good with connor to maybe see about uniting with the brains and taking out a brawn, even if it meant 4-4 and going to rocks, im here to play so id absolutely do that. If the brawns arent that tight however, and i can just flip one to want to work with me, i can use that as an opportunity to start a new alliance maybe with the brains and a brawn to vote out connor/anyone else not in our numbers, not sure yet, theres so many scenerios game wise but i think especially in the last 24 hours ive talked a lot of game with people, so i need to calm down on that and get back to personal conversations to try and estabilish trust with anyone i might need down the line, if we even go to tribal which im hoping we just dont, because then not only am i safe, but i get to hopefully see someone on the other side go home, and i would love for it to be one of the frauds amir, augusto, or kendall. but its also terrifying since connor is such a wild card like what if he flipped to the brauns or the brains linked up with the brawn to pick me off? basically if im gonna survive this swap, i need a little bit of luck, a little bit more strategy, and some more connections to get me through, i thought thats what i was doing before though and it clearly didnt work too well so buckle the fuck up because i have no idea where we go from here 

lmao remember a few hours ago when i said i hated this swap because it didnt give me much opportunity? well little did i know was all i had to do was bat my eyes a little and opportunity appeared right before me! meaning that, ive been trying to talk to and connect with some of these new people, ive had decent talks with liam and ali mostly, and i was trying to keep game talk minimal up until LIAM out of no where says to me, "oh i just realized someone on this tribe voted me out in a past game and i voted him out" so BITCH the second he says this all sorts of bells and buzzers are going off in my head like spill the tea i need to know!! and what does he say?? it's CONNOR. BITCH cue the choir and let the angels descend from above because im in HEAVEN hearing this!!! there's 16 people left and while i really think we have a strong tribe to win challenges so we may never go to tribal, if we do ive already begun shoving connor so far under the bus there wont be any time for him to get up by the time he realizes what hit him. I'm giving you Miss Rosa in orange is the new black running over Vee REALNESS SWEETIE. VROOM VROOM WATCH OUT BECAUSE HERE I COME. My favorite quote of all time is: the enemy of my enemy is my friend, and that's absolutely what ive been playing up here whether i can actually trust these brawns or not is beside the point, because right now i know for a fact i cant trust connor, he's still lying to me telling me i was never a target, so i have no use or even want to play with someone who thinks im an idiot. On a tribe of 8 you only need 5, and i am absolutely not opposed to setting myself up to be in a position where im the swing vote, if i make sure the brawns feel like they need me, and same with the brains, then i should be essentially... ok? until a merge??? maybe unless everyone here is lying to me too, most likely because im not a good player so im probably being duped dfhkasj I've also been working hard to try and let people in on the narrative that the beautys have this majority alliance and are a threat, because i want to do as much as i can to put a target on their back and get them out, while also opening up to hopefully let people know they can trust me, and i want people to still think im weak so im also going for that pity card playing it up how no one over there would talk to me and saying how bad it was, i shouldve watched what i said though because i did foolishly let Ali know about the tomb and how to crack it, i didnt mean to and i wasnt thinking we were just having such a good convo and while i do like talking to him, i have no idea if i can trust him with that so great job at my dumbass for giving myself more competiion in the tomb .... i went back in tonight and ill be damned there's new questions so i SHOULDVE kept my lips shut and i couldve had it to myself, but whatever, at least if he finds it he remembers who led him there, i also dont want to rely on any idols or advantages, let's do this the old school way and get shit done, and get these people out of here, one false beauty at a time, until im the last one standing!! and aj... we still trust aj he can stay, but the rest they can go and then they can lemme know how that alliance works out for them.

Woooo! I made it to the swap!!! My swapped tribe is actually pretty cute bc it’s a lot of the people I really talked with during the chaos round. I am concerned about the 4-2-2 split we have being an issue, but I have to trust my new former relationships will at least make me not the first person targeted. I’m so relieved to be swapped with Jakey because Jordan and Ali are definitely scary players and having them on the other side with the potential of being voted out (and not having to do it myself later) is honestly good. Jakey is more of a MOTR player and someone who I actually enjoy talking to about game and non game stuff so I’m excited to hopefully position him as my number 1 in this game. With all THAT being said.... Devon and I have played before and I literally blindsided him while working with him so I’m worried about that. My other concern is that me and Amir go way back... I love Amir, I’m just nervous about his ability as a game player. I’m just praying that we can win some comps in the swap so I don’t need to address any of these issues fksmjsjsjs. Wish me luck America. 

the way i'm going to be the last person in the challenge who determines the tiebreak... which could keep me safe but seal jakey's fate... god this is so upsettingggg

I meant to do this earlier, but quick recap on my thoughts on the tribe swap. First, I'm elated to see that I have a majority of the Brawn on this tribe. I have Jordan who I'm closely aligned with, and I have both Liam and Ali who I've been working with and have a good game relationship with. That's where my initial excitement ended. Because the Brains and Beauty who I talked to the most during the One World Day - Devon, Scott, Kendall, Augusto - all ended up on the other tribe rather with my closest ally in Jakey whereas I got two Beauty who I hadn't talked to and two Brain who, while I was optimistic about, were more concerning in terms of their thoughts about me. But I'm going back to that social game I've been working on and I truly think that this swap is going to work well for me. I think I've specifically been building some good relationships with Adam and Duncan that will help me not be the target if a Brain/Beauty coalition forms. But now I just need to see if I can get through this damn tomb and go from there.

Whew! It's been a few days since I made one of these and boy do I have a lot of tea to spill! So after voting out Devon, a twisto's twist comes into play where we all go to one world and vote someone back into the game. I lowkey had a feeling this would happen... Like I really spent all day getting the HIGHEST score in that immunity challenge only for Devon to get voted back in 15-0-0. Nothing really important happened here except that Austin did a shitty campaign job and Lovelis just.. disappeared. Like bruh, you really don't want to come back huh? And then we swap tribes and of course I'm stuck on Thoth AGAIN!! I've accepted that I'm cursed this time around because I... am tired of being here. But, Duncan and Autumn are on the other tribe so this gives me a good opportunity to not only rebuild my relationship with Devon, but to make new allies moving forward. Personally, I think I need to cut ties with Duncan and Autumn and find new life. I realize that they are much closer to each other than they are to me and I can't work with that long term. The way they approached Devon for his vote out really proved it too. When it comes to rebuilding my relationship with Devon, I'm not gonna lie it's much more difficult than I thought it would be. Like I basically told him that the reason why I voted him out was because he snitched on me to Duncan and told Duncan everything I said to him on our call. I basically said I was hurt by that because I trusted him and then he went behind my back like that and it wasn't cool. Especially since i was considering letting it go to a tiebreaker challenge too! So then he tried to phrase it as "I would never lie to you, I had your back all the way to the end" and I'm kinda just like... okay but your actions speaks louder than your words. And you taking the action to approach Duncan and tell him everything I said to you wasn't cool. However I made it very evident that Duncan/Autumn are much closer then we thought and i think he gets it. I've slowly come to realize that he's the perfect goat to take to the end because he really lacks at the relationship building portion of the game. However, I need to be able to trust my goats and right now I don't trust Devon. He told me about the idol as a sign of trust, however he hasn't found the blog yet. (backtrack, Duncan shared the blog with me so I've been idol hunting, and now I'm just telling people I had no idea when they ask me about it LOL). So I might tell Devon I found the combination, but at the same time do I want him to have the idol? Not at all! I'm happy that this swap brings me to a lot of people that I can potentially work with. I know that Duncan and Autumn originally wanted to work with beauty to take out brawn, so I'm really happy that I have 4 beauties on my tribe. Out of the beautes, I really like Augusto, Amir, and Kendall. AJ hasn't spoken to me at all tbh... like we barely talked. Kendall and I talk briefly but she told me straight up that her/Amir/Augusto were a trio and that definitely doesn't make me feel comfortable. I'm just like "okay, let's leave this thought in the back of my mind for later." But I've spent a lot of time talking to Amir and Augusto, and I can see myself working with them long term. Augusto and I called for like a whole hour and a half, which is beautiful that we got along well so quickly. I like how they both plan to keep their word and don't like to make fake promises. It shows that they're genuinely good people and I think they're my kind of crowd. So I definitely want to work with them through the merge. I also wouldn't mind going to the end with Augusto too (Amir already won so I don't want to make that promise to him LOL). When it comes to the brawn, I gel most with Jakey. I would go to consider him my new #1 right now. I don't think I ever had a #1 on old Thoth mainly because Duncan/Autumn were so close and Devon is just.... being Devon. Jakey told me about the idol stuff which is great! Personally, I already knew about the idol, but to pretend to be shocked by it and go forward with it was the best move for me. But Jakey and I seem to be the smartest and most focused people here, so I need that. He gets me and is on my level. I'm considering taking him to the end with me if it comes to that just because I want to be loyal this time around. That's why I'm happy than an alliance of Me/Jakey/Augusto/Amir/Kendall was made because I want to stick with this 5 all the way to the end. And I'm happy to already be in a majority alliance because it means I can potentially get to the merge. I just hope everyone knows that I'm with them and want to stay loyal to them going into the merge. Because I would love to be able to say that I'm 5/5 on making it to the merge. It'd be a shame to end my last tumblr season as a pre-merge boot. In terms of this vote since we lost the challenge AGAIN, I'm open to voting out either AJ, Devon, or Dan. I know people want to keep Devon around I'm happy with that. I'd hate to vote him out again after that last round, but also told people that I would do so if it meant that I would solidify trust with them in doing so. Which leaves us to Dan and AJ. I'm open to either of them going that round, mainly because I haven't spoken to either of them that much. I would perfer AJ just because he's a beauty and I'm skeptical about keeping all of the beauties around. At the same time, Dan can be a little aggressive so I also wouldn't mind getting rid of the negativity within the tribe. So many decision to make!! I just hope I make the right one. 

I take back everything I said about feeling good about the swap. No one is willing to talk about the vote with me so I guess that means it’s me??? I don’t know I’m just not feeling good and my gut is pretty good most of the time so we’ll have to see.... I just like don’t fuck with people who don’t wanna talk?? Like why play???

I am little fucked. Honestly if I was going to get voted out I would like it to be because of my #bigmoves or #smartbrain but nope it's cause of 2 minutes. And that's infuriating! Like I work my ass off in basically every other challenge! I drew the tribe flag, I took the lead on the word puzzle thingy, I got a reasonable number of scavenges!!!! And now I'm going to die. Like a lil bitch. I'm trying my best not to struggle cause voting is like quick sand, the more you panic the more you sink in. But logically I don't have much to worry about. Devon is willing to work with me, I already have two solid allies, and Jakey and Scott have both reached out. But the back of my mind is... bad. I'm so stressed out and Pissy. Fuck Dan. Fuck his stupid face. The only thing keeping me from throwing him out is I don't want people to have the perception that the beauty tribe is a unit. Oh yeah we are voting out AJ even though he probably has an idol which isn't great for me because he could probably get wind of that thing that's happening where people want to kill me and get on board and proceed to kill me. That was a mouthful but I don't have to be eloquent when I'm going to fucking dieeeeeeee. I'm barely holding it together. Help me Survivor Jesus. 

Augusto, 1:02 PM K so Dan said that he heard AJ would be a unanimous vote didn’t tell me who but he said that that person could just be projecting what they want Daniel Disbrow go fuck yourself. Projecting my lily white ass. 

Whew i love when things work out for me. This tribe swap went great for me. I feel very confident about my position on this tribe. I am good with Ali, Tj, and Liam all through seperate links to myself which im hoping can keep me as a centralized figure on this tribe. Ive formed a very good relationship with Adam so far who definitly feels on the outs of the beauty which is great. I thought i could be good with connor, but hes kind of been blowing me off so idk, he could be a target if we lose. As for the brains on my tribe Im talking more to duncan than autumn, but im gonna work on forming a stronger relationship with her on the chance were both at merge which i think is likely. I feel bad for Jakey and dan, two people I did want to work with, however I would be okay if they left as it would lesten the target on me at the merge with less brawn numbers and a larger beauty group to be scared of a group against. Sometimes you got to sacrafice pieces in chess and if they lose it sucks but ill move on. Im optimistic about moving forward through this next phase of the game.

wow i cant believe i almost DIDNT make a confessional for this round but here we go: not much more has happened over here since the swap, we absolutely did perfect in the immunity, so we wont be going to tribal, which is cool because im guaranteed safety and now i can just spend my time trying to work on these relationships that i need out here if im gonna make it a couple steps further and plot my revenge against the false beautys and make the moves that are gonna benefit ADAM and no one else. The original night of the swap i found myself having longer convos with the brawns and letting them all in on the tea about how those false beautys have a majority alliance and how they were plotting against me for no reason, so last night i was talking more so with autumn/duncan individually and they also asked about tribe dynamics so guess what, i spilled the tea to them now too, and they seemed to believe what i was saying, which granted, life on old hathor wasnt HORRIBLE it's not like people were like LETS JUST POINT AND LAUGH AT HIM ...but this new tribe dont know all that, so im absolutely going to be hyperbolizing and over-exaggerating the situation completely still because that's what i do best, i have a strong personality and a way with words so if i can paint the narrative to look better in my light, i absolutely am, and i mightve got lucky with connor here because other people are telling me he's hard to talk to, which makes it 10x easier for them to believe me, because i am still telling the truth, he's one of them, and he's clearly a snake lying right to my face so im making sure they know he'll lie to theirs too. i dont want to get to confident with my postion though whatsoever, because these are all good players and im just a dumb bitch so odds are, someone is playing me and i probably look like a fool but whatever, i only know as much as people will tell me so either way i just have to go with the flow in a sense, whether im the one steering the ship or just the clown aboard, is TBD. i also found it QUITE pleasing to see how for the other tribe, kendall is the one who messed up and cost them the win, however i know she's got her little puppets with those other false beautys so im not sure if theyll take her out. Looking at that tribe, id be happy with almost anyone going but the biggest plot twist of them all is ..... i think i want jakey to stay? me and him had a good talk at one world actually, i began planting seeds with both him AND kendall about each other so i might have inadvertently pinned them even more against each other, unless they put 2 and 2 together and realize i was kinda just telling them both what they wanted to hear, i didnt think id want to work with jakey this game but now that i know i cant work with those false beautys, i might need him to stick around and do damage to them over there for me but really, i dont give a shit who goes home from them, aj is the only one of the false beautys im not 100% against yet because he is my friend, and maybe we can still somehow work together from opposing sides to keep each other safe but who knows, and jakey staying would be good for me because he's a threat and potentially could be on my side again (unless he was just lying and wants me out BAD then uh... he can go but hopefully not because i need that group broken up more than i do him gone even if he is after me) im also trying out a new strategy ive never used before........ i made my skype icon a selfie of myself, now let me make it clear, i absolutely DO NOT think im that attractive, years of low self esteem have made that nearly impossible for me to believe, but im starting to feel myself a little!! i think i would give myself at least a 5/10, so its definitely a reach but im really just hoping by seeing the real me maybe that helps people wanna talk and open up to me more? either that or it will do the opposite and scare them away oop. but ive had good responses so far? i got a "whew", a "whoa", and a "oh my..." from different people so um... i think that's good dfhuakj??? at this point in the game, i have to identify my own strengths and weaknesses and go from there, because clearly im not meant to find the idol every time i go to the tomb i flop, im just not meant to be an idol queen, but i wont give up!!! im gonna try again later tonight and hopefully find it, or at least see for sure if someone else has found it and that's what you missed on akhmim! (from my very singular and most likely delusional perspective) 

I love Amir and Augusto. Like not to sound like a sentimental little bitch but I would kill for them. I have been the worst these past couple of hours and here they are all supportive and shit. I talk a big game. Like I consistently declare my villainy and keep pushing for #bigmoves but I will literally cry like a baby if I had to ever do anything to them. So I've decided I won't. I still intend on winning, I'm just not going to do it with their blood on my hands.

Well...IT FEELS GOOD TO BE BACK! I was expecting to 'Slither' my way back in, but clearly didn't imagine myself coming back on a 15-0-0 vote. If you had asked me about who I felt GREAT about prior to the swap, I would have said Jake and Augusto, so it's nice to have them on Thoth with me. Going into the swap, here are the headlines: 1. Scott/I are back on the same tribe. He clearly doesn't trust me like he did before since I told Duncan about me knowing they were targeting me. Can we build that trust back? 2. OG Beauty vs the rest. For some reason, OG beauty is willing to vote out AJ and ease everyone's paranoia. We could have just as easily gotten rid of Dan, but whatever. 3. Alliance chats. I was told that Kendall/Amir/Augusto had an alliance chat, and it doesn't help that apparently Scott hosted Kendall early in her TS career. I need to make sure my connections stay strong enough moving forward  

I finally learned the system to find the idol and it’s been found in the new tribe. I really hope Scott takes the time to find the Thoth idol. Firstly May I say the daddies are reborn with Devon being able to re-enter the game which is amazing! Unfortunately we got split up and now they face 4 beauties and 2 brawns on Thoth and autumn and I got to come be on Hathor. Adam spilled the tea about the Hathor 5 and its looking like Conor will be the first out if we end up at a tribal. I’m so happy to be off of Thoth. It was like a sinking ship and that tribe is cursed. On the flip side, for the first time this game, I DONT HAVE TO GO TO TRIBAL COUNCIL!!! YEEEHAW!!! I feel so grateful but also know if they lose 3 challenges then we’re losing Scott or Devon which would be horrible. I don’t know how comfortable I am with my position as it stands but I’m just grateful not to lose and probably feel most bad for Scott. I hope the daddies can survive this swap and perhaps make it back together come merge 

I really haven’t said shit huh gfhjdksl WELL, tons happened last round like someone coming back into the game and me getting to meet everyone finally! Devon returning was the best case scenario as him and I created a really weird yet good bond which I’m thankful for! Autumn and I meshed so well, Duncan and I bonded quickly, I also bonded with Scott/Jakey/Dan, and then had good convos with TJ/Liam M/Jordan/Ali so that was cute. We ended up swapping into 2 tribes of 8 afterwards which wasn’t TOO bad especially considering who is on this tribe like I got crazy lucky. We have 4 Beauties, 2 Brain, and 2 Brawn on this tribe and the other tribe has 4 Brawn, 2 Brain, and 2 Beauties which is a thing. But yeah, I have really high hopes? My connections here are strong personally so I want to just build on that. 

following the austin #blinside, we were BEANBOOZLED again and told that austin, as well as lovelis and devon would be pining for our votes to stay. all the tribes ended up on one beach but the initiative for the beauties was clear: austin could NOT come back. love him and all but after boldface lying to him and voting him out.. it just doesn't add up, right? so, the vote was really a matter of lovelis and devon, but then it just became of matter of "okay devon's coming back point blank" since lovelis wasn't really active. this didn't stop austin, however, from going around and throwing us under the bus, telling kendall her name was going around, outing the original plan to austin, all the while assuring us he was "beauties strong!" i respect the hustle but it ain't me! i decided not to lie to to him and told him upfront he wasn't getting my vote, little did i know it was going to be 15-0-0 for devon to come back. the perks of the one world twist was the fact i got to mingle with everyone i'd been excited to see from jordan pines to autumn! it was also a clear front for the fact that we'd be swapping right after, which we did! thankfully, the swap worked out for me perfectly. augusto, amir and kendall are all here with me and i got along with devon and jakey great! i also talked to scott and we bonded as well, and dan and i tried to recover from amnesia over a game we played a few years ago. i don't think i was put in a poor position at all, and in a must of confidence, i don't see myself going home like.. at all unless things change for the worse. the challenge came and went, and apparently one mistake cost it all but it didn't really matter to me because i have kendall's back and i know she has mine, so there was no chance i was gonna let her go over some two minute slip up. however, that was enough for dan to target her after we lost the challenge so the sexy procrastinators (basically leaning tower of penis bar connor) are counteracting by voting dan! do i feel bad because dan also asked if we could work together? hell yeah. do i feel REALLY bad? not really! he's a very nice gentleman, however, i'm pretty much on good terms with everyone on the tribe (and have solid allegiances with half of them) so i'm put into a rock and a hard place! i will say though, besides that, things have been really quiet compared to how things were on original hathor. there was always conversation going, even if it wasn't game, so it feels WEIRD when you're not talking to anyone within the hour. does that make me nervous? absolutely. am i assuming that there's an ulterior plot against me? more than i should! i just need to get myself together though and stop freaking out, what happens happens and if the that plot is indeed true then they got me gals! 

i’m me having high hopes for our tribes and us losing badly… the delusion! That being said, I oddly feel safe? I have my trio with Amir and Kendall (where I have solid duos with both), a secret duo with Devon, Dan and I have this Seychelles thing going, AJ trusts me I think, and then I’ve connected well with Scott and Jakey on a personal level so that’s fun! I’ve been telling every non-Beauty that I do genuinely want to stray away from playing outside of tribal lines because alliances made out of convenience are not as strong as alliances made out of connection. I just want to pretend myself as a very fluid, easy-going player/person in hopes that these players want to scoop me up for literally anything they want to do. My ideal boot order for this tribe would be AJ, Dan, and Jakey. AJ leaving opens up the game for me as it means I stuck to my word as not wanting to play by tribal lines, Dan leaving is mostly to appease to others but also because Dan could be dangerous later on, and Jakey is who I REALLY want to see leave because he has been the main person who has gotten and spread info on this tribe and he strikes me as the most threatening person so removing that before a merge is KEY. But yeah, that’s where I am at! 

I definitely need to step my pussy up in this game… like I feel extremely well about how I’m playing socially (I’ve been in tons of alliances, have gotten to really KNOW everyone I think, have been calling people for hours on end, have gotten information from all directions, etc) but I need to be better at talking game with people. Kendall and Amir have been doing extremely well about getting information out of Scott and Jakey respectively because they initialize game talk with them to do so and I personally struggle with that? I will say, I’ve been really good at getting people on my side to tell me things in the first place but I want EVERYONE to give me the tea like… I got my cup ready for all the tea so spill it please (‘:

I know I’ve done a super bad job at narrating everything that has happened this round but that being said, I haven’t done a bad job this round in the slightest. A sis really 1) established a connection with every player on my tribe [as in, I have an alliance with every single person in some capacity] 2) I am a part of the majority alliance 3) the people on the “bottom” feel good about me and have told me things 4) I’ve gotten close to getting to the end of Thoth’s Tomb which is awesome 5) I feel safe amid some messes this round [like Kendall telling Scott about her, Amir, and I being a trio which nnn] 6) I’ve honestly tried to downplay my gameplay to people by narrating my past seasons to people on call and explaining how I’ve been betrayed by my closest allies so I want something genuine and different this time AND also continuously asking my allies for “help” on talking to others to build even more trust [Amir told me he’s glad I’m in this game because I’m the only level headed one, Devon told me he trusts my judgements on anything, etc]... so yeah, a bitch might be doing that? 

Sooooo I think AJ is going tonight? Which is fine because he’s throwing my name around even though I actually was interested in working with him lmao. I was hoping Kendall would go because she literally does not talk, but I’ll take what I can get. Jokes on me when I get blindsided 

jakey just told me he's voting for me.. so yes i'm freaking out and yes i'm convinced i'm going home you CANNOT tell me otherwise https://66.media.tumblr.com/376a5e921389df0e5d37a54da9734e04/ebea8f0b6df920b0-57/s640x960/e1f351d79a9ea08058418a032c97026926156df5.gif 

kendall and augusto sat me down on call and basically told me it was over https://66.media.tumblr.com/376a5e921389df0e5d37a54da9734e04/ebea8f0b6df920b0-57/s640x960/e1f351d79a9ea08058418a032c97026926156df5.gif

I hate everyone lmao. I initially started saying we should vote Ken Doll, or whatever her name is, before I knew AJ was throwing my name around. And of course someone threw a vote on Kendall, and now I have Ken Doll in my PMs being like “ballsy how you still voted for me” that’s funny sis, I don’t even know how to spell your name. 

Not me almost putting Thoth on the tribe option lmaaaaooo old habits die hard. I would just like to take this time to thank the Academy, the hosts for swapping me well and allowing me to succeed in a way I never could in Thoth, and my new tribe for being both wise enough to listen to me when I come up with a plan and solid enough to deliver. Being immune? It's a lifestyle and I really missed it Ok so things are going well on Hathor (knock on wood)? I've talked to everyone, we're in a good spot, and I'm not worried about anyone.... but I am nervous but we'll come back to that. I feel fantastic about Ali- this is our third time playing together and every time we see each other we just pick up right where we left off, both as friends and allies. But it's really special this time around since we've both won a main? So we're in a unique boat that no one else in the cast is except Amir. Basically now we have each other's backs more than ever because our stakes look different as well as our threat levels compared to everyone else. I also discovered that TJ and I went to the same fucking COLLEGE??? When I say I'm gagged ugh. So yeah I think there's a new level of trust and kinship there since we share something so major that's not game related. And I think both of us are kind of alone? So that helps bridge the gap even more Ok now for all the other menses.... I have always been nervous about Jordan Pines simply because he's Jordan Pines. I know how I am and I know how he is so him being so tame and quiet the entire game is spooky to me and I don't buy it. I'm trying not to start shit obviously but I think it would be risky to wait until Jordan goes full Jordan before making a move but we'll leave it for now. Iiiiiii am no longer sure what to make of Adam and Connor. I actually really liked both of them the past couple days and was considering working with them but it has come to my attention that Adam has been telling everyone the same story about him being on the bottom of the original Hathor and that everyone needs to get rid of Connor since he's apart of that block. When I thought I was the only person with the tea, I was like YEAH ABSOLUTELY but then hours later Duncan tells me the same thing and then today Ali not only tells me that's what Adam said but apparently he said it to Liam as well. So I'm like SIR- tea is only special when it's private. You trying to get the entire tribe to rally to kill one specific person based on something that none of us can fact check is messssyyyy. I know there's some truth to it because Austin also was very adamant that Hathor couldn't be trusted but the whole thing is convenient to me, that Adam is hellbent on getting Connor out and really playing up the victim angle. And the gag is, if Connor ever goes, where does that leave Adam? Cause if you're willing to campaign this early over something that specific, what will you do to target the rest of us? Like ok we're all comparing notes now but that's cause it's pre-merge. Iiiiiii don't know if Adam needs to make it to merge if he's so generous with his spiked tea. And then that leaves Duncan, who is my dad yes and who I've been with the whole game but I'm really trying to diversify and look elsewhere. I don't wanna hurt Duncan but I do get this impression that he sees this as "our" game and that's why he's very keen to know who I'm talking to, who I trust, am I looking for the idol, do I need any help, etc. To the point where I feel like it's gonna become a liability situation, like because we're friends I'm SUPPOSED to both protect him every single round but also approve everything by him and take him to the end. And just so we're clear my game is mine and mine alone. I didn't come into this game to play for or with anyone and y'all know I have too much Sagittarius in my chart to let a man control my game. And no I'm not reaching because Duncan was tripping about me having a good relationship with Devon, to the point where he and Scott made a side group with Devon before tribal to convince Devon to vote me- mind you all of this came to my attention AFTER tribal and from Devon, even though it was Scott and Duncan's idea to vote Devon in the first place. Soooo explain to me why Duncan is questioning my loyalty when I'm voting out another ally over him and then you wanna go do side shit even though the vote was locked and already unanimous?? No ma'am I'll fuck you up. I really killed my bb to protect my dad and he over here trying to micromanage and teach me lessons. Sir there's plenty of game left don't try it. ALSO DEVON BB I MISS YOU YOU WERE RIGHT ABOUT SCUNCAN SO PLEASE DON'T DIE ON THOTH

Okay I literally don’t even know where to start with this entire round, so ughhhh lets just make lil blurbs and word vomit all the thoughts in my head. Okay first, alliances. Me kendall Augusto. I trust these 2 more than anyone else in the game, but Kendall is a mess and a half and has accidentally leaked so much shit or purposely idek I know it’s not malicious, she’s super loyal she’s just silly. She told Scott that me her and Augusto were a trio, which like why tf would u do that ??? anyway, Scott told jakey who told me. Next is me aj kendall Augusto which is a cover up to tell aj to vote dan because the actual vote is aj, but no one wants aj to use his idol. Everyone on our tribe is like sure aj has the idol now, and I’m trying push that too, because I have it lmfao and I don’t want people to know I have it. Next is the new main alliance, me kendall Augusto Scott and jakey. I DONT KNOW ABOUT THIS AT ALLLLLLLLLL, everyone wants to vote aj out, and I’m telling Augusto and Kendall, like y’all realize we are giving them the opportunity to 4-3 us next round? And kill the beauties ?? Like how is that smart ?? But at the same time, getting rid aj could cement Scottie and jakey. It just depends if they try and make a move against me Augusto and Kendall next round if they think we are a trio. However, me and Augusto have planned beyond such and in that case, I have ammo. Let’s check the armoury: - Augusto is insanely tight with Devon now, we can use him as a weapon - jakey ratted on dan to Kendall and ratted on the majority alliance, we can turn dan against jakey. So if Scott and jakey think of pulling a fast one on us, I’ll tank their games so fast and make sure they go down with us . Lastly , I’m fucking terrified. Because with this vote, if jakey Scott Devon and dan team up and vote me just to do it, I’m going to go home 4-3-1. I’m putting my faith in this alliance and my gut is telling me to trust jakey and trust Kendall and trust Augusto. Basically, there’s huge pros and cons to what we are doing right now. However, assessing the situation, if I put my foot down hard and force all 4 beauties to stick together, it’s a bad move for my game . Jakey will be mad, Scottie won’t trust us, and I’d be forcing Kendall and Augusto to do what they don’t want to do, and aj is an ally who is almost never online. It’s simply not worth it. The better move is let aj go, create these bonds and take these risks, and secure that I won’t get caught about the idol And then merge is a whole other fucking story, Ali and autumn and Duncan and Jordan must be dealt with. 

Nothing is chaotic. This is weird. I don't feel in danger anymore and could clearly get away with making the merge. Connor has left me on seen once already and I've voted him out before. Target numero uno, come on down!

[travellers-survivor-old-west]

Episode 2.0: "I ate a Bagel and we SNAPPED" - Eve

After the “Ginger Curse” met its next Travellers Survivor victim....... 

Whew okay so I don't know anyone on my tribe (kinda) which is good but also a bit scary since its just 6 of us. Overall, I feel like everyone's a bit quiet and not too talkative. That being said, they might be talking a bunch in PMs. Right now, I am trying to stay under the radar and just be friendly with everyone. I really like Austin, Eve and Patrick right now. Keaton and Isaac are nice too but I dont really talk to them as much. If we would have lost this first immunity challenge I would have definitely wanted to vote for one of them. No official alliances yet but its still early so I think its okay. THANK FUCKING GOD WE WON. Okay well, we got 2nd but thats a win in my eyes. I just really hope I make it to jury and I will be happy so not being first boot is GREAT. Im trying to get this damn idol but I cant catch a fucking break and my ass keeps getting zapped... I dont think anyone has gotten the idol yet so I hope i get lucky and somehow get to it first. Here is how I see everyone as of right now: Austin: Probably my fave right now and hoping I can get into a f2 with him. He's funny and sweet and I feel like we get along and its pretty easy to talk to him. Eve: Eve is iconic! Want to work with her but I feel like she is really social so she might be a threat later on. Pat: Same as Eve, even though I just met him, I actually have known about him before since he is friends with some of my friends. I know he does good in games so he is someone I would like to see leave a bit sooner since I think he will be hard to get rid of later. But hes amazing and his video for the music video was ICONIC. I can see him and I becoming friends for sure. Keaton: Not much to say, I do know keaton from playing a game with him in the past but he was voted out first I think and then I hosted him in HOS but i wasnt super active in that one :) Anyway, I feel like we dont have much to talk about so I need to make more of an effort with him. I really wouldnt care to see him go tbh but who knows, this can definitely change if we start talking more. Isaac: omg okay so night one I go into everyones PMs to say hi and i notice that I already had messages with him which I found super weird because I didnt know who he was but I guess we kind of got into it like 3 years ago??? I told him I didnt remember this but i do. He was basically an asshole to me for no fucking reason. But this was 3 years ago so i really dont care so I hope he doesnt try to target me over it. He seems nice I guess but I havnt really talked to him much. In his defense he has been sick apparently but if we would have gone into this first TC I would have wanted to see him voted out first for sure.

We won thanks to the combine efforts of Nick, Chloe, and Aidan. All kings and queens! I probably should say something about the vote switch last time. Yeah that happened. Didn’t even realize cas was part of the tribe. Great social game 10/10. So sorry Payton <33. Now we wait to see who goes but so far I quite like nick, Chloe and Aidan. Idk if I can take Chloe that far tho. I feel like she’s gonna get targeted by the other tribes when we merge if we survive that long anyways. I feel like out of our tribe, Nick has the best change of making it to f4 but I’m not sure he’ll be able to win. Payton has a job that takes him away so :/ if we lose again, he’s probably gonna be voted out next. I mean if I’m taken out of the picture. I’m pretty sure the tribe thinks I’m hella annoying but they need me on their side for now. :^)

Lmaoooooo well thank fuck we won because my ass was on the chopping block lmaoooo. My ass didn’t volunteer to do the challenge either because I fucking suck at memory so mfjrkjskfks lmaoooo fuck me man. I’m barely scrapping by but here I am

So happy we are safe again! I'm so use to going to tribal everytime lol. I think now would be a good time to get ashley eve and isaac all together on the same page with me for some kind of alliance

What's up though? Here we are in Survivor: Old West, losing the second immunity challenge and we have a specific reason to point to in Xander. I'm sure he tried his best, but when it came my turn to answer the questions I was only able to give correct answers about the information he gave me. I personally think he is the person that is going to help us the least, but Sammy was not in that challenge. In the challenge that Sammy mainly participated in, Nicole was the person that made things difficult for us. That brings us to late last night where Sammy decides to be the first person to throw out a name and pick Nicole, gives his reasons, and that's it for me once the name is said and agreed upon in my alliance, it's done that's the plan. Now all there is to do is see what Xander and Dylan say, and we're done. I hope so anyway, I could sit here and ponder if Sammy had ulterior motives or if this is a good move for me but at this moment I don't want to overthink anything, so we chillin' --- Oh as I was writing this I found a Vote Reveal advantage on space 25 on the railroad, which I am guessing means there are more things on 50 and 75. Vote Reveal is a bit useless but maybe there will be a specific situation where it will work out.

So so happy our tribe won that challenge. Honestly idk how to feel about this game. Im trying really hard to be social with people so IF we lose im okay but I feel like everyone except Austin is actively reaching out to me. I basically start all the conversations. So to me either people are a bit inactive in this game/ dont care about the game or theyre already forming alliances and dont really need to talk to me. Im really hoping its that theyre inactive. Right now Isaac and Keaton can go, they literally just leave me on read and dont try to talk to me. I had a good conversation with austin WHO I FUCKING LOVE IM SO GLAD HES HERE and he wants to start an alliance soon. We both agree Eve would be a good option but he also mentioned that he would like isaac or pat to join it. This lets me know he likes isaac so they must be talking so idk why he isnt talking to me but whatever. Anyways.. I would love an alliance with Austin, Eve and Pat but a four person alliance when theres only 6 of us can be scary. Luckily our tribe has been doing well in challenges so far but we will probably have to go to TC at some point and thats when shit is going to go down. I can def see people possibly wanting to vote me so im going to start being even more social and get that alliance going with Austin. I wouldnt mind seeing Isaac or keaton going if we do go to TC next round. I doubt anyone has the idol yet and holy shit im so bad at this i always get zapped. I need Jess, Micheal or Alyssa to rig this shit for me please

The challenge involved having people active on call.... And to be honest I didn't want to do it for us. But I offered because I don't want to be that guy. Anyways. We lost but barely. Got our hopes up saying 8/10 if only Michael could count. Makes me wonder what's really going on up there in his head. I'm just glad the votes seem to be off me this time. But we can only hope. I did my part of the competition. So they can't entirely fault me.

Okay so I’m in an alliance w Jared and Owen and I think I mentioned that. I honestly wanted to sit out of the challenge bc I just needed a break. However, we lost and in my head I immediately thought to vote Nicole. She really hasn’t put in too much for these challenges and I know she’s on vacation. Xander would be my next choice just because he is short on responses and I feel like he would vote me out over Jared or Owen and a i assume he’s closer to them after the challenge. I’d like to work with Dylan on the side if possible. I’m just chillin hoping this first tribal isn’t a blindside and if it’s against me then hoes ain’t loyal and that ain’t very western like. I don’t think they would betray me this early tho and I have faith in my alliance.

I feel like these people are carrying me at this point and that is A okay with me. I’m running the Iditarod and they’re my dogs

OKAY WOW PAT EVE AND I POPPED THE FUCK OFFFFFF we did everything we needed in life and it was beautiful. I'm not really doing alot in this game I'm just floating along woooo

Welp it's been real y'all. No one had talked to me since the challenge much and only sammy has said maybe it's me and Dylan says it's definitely me.

Hi welcome to my lifeeeeeee today i ate a bagel and we SNAPPED in the immunity, I FUCKING KILLED IT, (thanks keaton!!!!!) HEHE HAHA IM SO CUTE Waitin for this Alliance to be made tbh but what do i know, we're gonna keep SNAPPING so whatever ladies xoxoxoxoxox

[maspwinj2]

hey! I just wanted to say upfront that this definitely isn't an argument or anything. I know sometimes things sound rude bc it's text and not spoken, so I just wanted to say that ahead. your one of my favorite bloggers, so I just wanted to get your thoughts. you said #what will those kids feel when they find out the truth? but, maybe they already know. not the whole story, but j2 seem like their raising them like their all collectively as their children. and I don't think (1/2)

(2/2) they’d pretend in front of the kids. like when they went on that island vacay for new years and the wives weren’t there, I can’t imagine they kept their hands off each other the whole time, not even holding hands. and they prob sleep in the same bed when in Austin. so wouldn’t the kids would know that? I can’t imagine them not acting like husbands and fathers of all the kids in front of the kids, you know? what do you think?

Oh my god anon i’m so sorry! you sent me this like 7weeks ago and i’m only answering now… the thing is that when you sent it istarted answering with a very long messy rambling and i didn’t post itimmediately to reread and correct it but the day after that, all the lolliebullshit started (i’m still so pissed about all that ugh) and it sucked all myenergy so i couldn’t get back to your ask and when that babygate shit was moreor less over i tried to make a better answer but i just couldn’t??? ireally tried but i never could make a satisfying answer and so i think it’stime i give it up because i’ve been thinking about all the different aspects but im never pleased with what i write… i just don’t know!! i think i’ve lost any ability tomake a proper understandable explanation of what i think and i’m even moresorry because this is actually a very nice ask! thanks! you were very nice and i failedyou! im sorry and maybe now you’ve unfollowed me so there’s no way you’d seethat i actually wanted to answer you T-T

But im gonna answer about the first part of your ask.You’re talking about what i wrote in the tags of this post, when i said “the truth” i wasn’t talking about the kids knowing that jared and jensen are together but more about the kids realising they’re being used to sell the straight image of their fathers, im pretty sure they don’t know about that truth yet haha

like for example with this pic of shep making J/G “kiss”. shep must have been like “why should i make you kiss when you never do it in real life???” and when he’s older he’ll get that he was just being used like a tool for his parents’ bearding. that’s why i wonder how will that make him feel? or with that ad jared did where he used tom and shep to prove he has the perfect straight family (and now you can add the popandsuki video with poor odette being used right after her birth with her brothers) or with this jj pic that she will remember as a nice birthday with her parents but when she’s older she’ll see they used it to project this fake idea to the world that they have a totally traditionnal family 

that’s what i was talking about, if i were those kids i would feel really hurt/upset when i understand i was unknowingly being involved in all those lies and fakeness for the benefits of my parents

And now about the rest of your ask and about the truth of the kids knowing j2 are together well, to be very short :no i don’t think the kids know about j2 nor do they have doubts and i don’tthink j2 have any kind of romantic gesture towards each other in front of thekids either and i put under the cut the reasons why i think this way because it’sa very long rambling and no one should suffer the pain of reading all of it, i don’t evenknow if any of it make sense and again im sorry because this is a veryinteresting question and i should have answered way earlier, honestly mea culpa

but just a warning that at the end there’s the usual j2 negativity because they’re using their kids and that’s just gross and also i make a comparison with cristiano ronaldo cos i think he’s the perfect example of a closeted gay man succeeding in having a family. 

So… about if the kids know the truth : i believe theydont

 i think that j2 are letting the kids assume they’re inlove with the moms, we see with the pictures and video they post in which thekids witness their parents acting like a couple and the kids , just like thegeneral public, believe it. They are letting our heteronormative society do thejob so the kids think « i have a mom and a dad who spend time togetherwith me so they must be in love » it’s the logical thought process mostpeople have

J2 are lying by omission to their kids so that the kids willnever go and talk to their friends or teachers like « mom and dad aren’t inlove but dad is in love with my uncle » . If the kids believe their bio parents are in love theyll never be able to sell j2’s secret so its notsurprising j2 do that to protect this secret they’ve had for so long, ruiningit by letting their guards down around their kids would be a waste. They’re notgonna take such an unecessary risk and it’s way easier to let the kids form thesame opinion that the public has because what can they possibly say to explainsuch a situation « so kids if you see dad kiss and cuddle with your uncleand sleep in the same bed , while you never see dad do the same with mom whenthere are no cameras around : it’s PERFECTLY normal ! don’t worry !But there’s  one very important thing youmust remember : it’s that you must NEVER EVER talk about that toanyone !! EVER !!! » ??? it would be so confusing for thosepoor kids ! and if they ever see j2 kiss it’s 100 % sure that they willtalk about it to someone imo.

-About acting like fathers : J2 love their kids likefathers and act like fathers BUT they are the « uncle » (NOT the dadaor papa) to 3 of them so if the kids saw their dad and uncle kiss, they are obviouslygoing to mention it to someone. It’s SURE. To me calling the other jay uncle isa proof that the kids don’t know

-About not keeping their hands to themselves : if j2 canhandle not touching/kissing during filming and conventions and everytimethey’re in public im more than certain that they don’t have any troublebehaving when with their kids and even if they did act very touchy and allwhile not acting this way with the mom there’s still no reason for the kids tobelieve that « my dad and my uncle are in love » because again wereally are in a heteronormative society where same sex people doing very lovingand tender stuff are just « guys being dudes » and « galpals » (and j2 take advantage of that to hide so that even with ALL thetime they spend together people still think they’re straight and that includestheir kids) And they’re not pretending in front of their kids, they don’t kissthe wives when there are no cameras around but that doesn’t mean that they’dkiss each other in front of the kids either you know ? it’s not becausethey don’t kiss or hold hands that they’re pretending. Again to me it’s justletting the kids assume that it’s the mom and the dad who are together and notthe dad and uncle because the most common occurance is the hetero couple evenif those two guys spend all their time together and go to vacations alone withthe kids (and im sure j2 sleep in the same bed, they could simply forbid the kids to go there because adults are allowed to ask for their privacy even from their kids imo)

-about acting like husbands, well when you’re building yourlife with someone and spending all your time together, being touchy and cuddly(in public and in front of their kids) seems pretty anecdotic to me. I f theymanage time to work on their intimate relationship or act romantic in private,Im sure they can handle keeping their hands to themselves when they’re takingcare of their kids, they’ve been doing that for 12 years and it must be hardsometimes but it’s the price they chose to pay to keep working on spn and theywon’t take the risk of being outed by their kids or of messing with their kids’heads just so they can hold hands

-About raising the kids as family : Im sure the kids cansee that j2 love each other but they don’t get the extent of this love and imsure they see j2 love all of them but i think j2 spend more time with their biokids than with the others for bearding purposes and if you went to jj and askher if tom and shep are her brothers im sure she’ll be like ??? no theyremy best friends or something like that and if you ask her who her parents areshe won’t include jared and same for tom and shep with jensen

What really makes me believe they hide their truerelationship to the kids is that it’d really confuse them because if the kidssaw j2 kiss , j2 would have to discuss and explain this situation (because ontv and in their lives the kids never see other peoples dad and uncle kiss, orpeople who are not married and not officially dating kiss each other, or ifthey do see that they must know it’s cheating and dishonest and overall weird,if j2 did that the kids would know it’s not a normal situation and would askquestions either to j2 or people around them which would lead to j2 beingouted) but the kids are way too young to understand what’s at stake and if j2let the kids see them kiss and still NOT explain what’s the deal. It would beSO confusing and very unhealthy to leave the kids with unanswered questions andadd the risk of outing to all that

-end with the usual j2 negativity whenever the kids arebrought up :

Let’s be real the way j2 use their kids like tools to hidetheir lifestyle and like « proof » of their straightness iscompletely DESPICABLE . You can argue all you want aboutthem « not having a choice », « but they really love theirkids », bla bla bla at the end of the day i don’t see how j2 can feelanything but shame for using their kids like that

And togo back to the tags i wrote « how would they feel » well i thinkthey’ll feel awful and used by their fathers because of their terrible decisionmaking skills. And it must be awful to find out when you’re older that yourparents have lied to you for YEARS 

Im pretty sure no one in the lgbt community would condonewhat j2 are doing, the lies they are furthering THANKS to their kids. Even ifj2 came out, i doubt the community will be proud of what they’ve done, thelenghts they went to (involving kids) to hide their sexuality

And if you want a comparison to know how a closeted gay man can have a kid without using said kid to further his straight image just look atCristiano ronaldo. He’s working in THE most homophobic business EVER and yet he’snot married to a woman, he has beards but he’s not pretending to raise his kid (thathe had with an anonymous surrogate) with a woman. Hes not affraid of postingfamily pics and being constantly seen with his long term partner ricky regufe.He’s not trying so hard to sell the perfect family image like j2 have done andhe did not get stupidly trapped by greedy beards like j2 did

J2 are incredibly nice and hard working guys and they don’tdeserve to live like this but involvinginnocent kids in this mess is just wrong

[survivor-hosts]

Ep. #7: “C’mon Rat, Follow the Cheese” - Jessy

The tribes merged and all of the pre-mergers were added to the merge tribe as the Karma Island twist was revealed.  The players started campaigning to get back in and Cat, Austin, and Drew chose to drop out and become voters.  After a whole day of scrambling and a messy voting situation, Connor was voted back into the game.  The tribe was given their first immunity challenge and Matt was able to solve it and win immunity quite quickly.  After no one talked the day before the vote, the players started scrambling last minute with one side trying to decide whether to vote off Sam or MJ while the opposing side was trying to decide between Allison or Connor.  In the end, MJ and Sam's alliance threw their votes on Andrew to thwart any posisble idol play.  Sam also used her vote negator to cancel Allison's vote for MJ.  Andrew was sent home in a 5-4 vote.

HAHAHAHAHA so it's 9:58 and I should go to tribal and I was on call with Connah and then Lydia and MJ called and added Connah and MJ told me I might be getting votes so I might be getting voted out idk adios fuck this shit!

Can't wait to be seventh boot

[12:51:33 PM] mj ultra . _/: bih wtf. [12:51:39 PM] connah. i guess.: I didn't do anything. [12:51:40 PM] mj ultra . _/: oh you really wanna fight me tonight huh yes bitch i do. yes we are in a partnership but i'm not your bitch. i'm not gonna sit here and do everything you want but it's fine because people will hopefully see you as a bigger threat so if they gonna try take one of us out... can't say i'm too sorry about it. his ass wants to sit here and vote lydia back when we literally just voted her out? i see where he's coming from because we might be able to use lydia tbh but he's literally shutting down any ideas i had so i'm kinda angry rn.

mj's gameplay has really rubbed off on me... my ass just blindsided lydia and now i'm really down for voting her back in? i had my fun pre-merge but now it's time to really get this shit going

http://prntscr.com/fn4qxy http://prntscr.com/fn4r1v At first I thought Connor would have the highest chance of returning but after hearing a few things I think REGAN has the best shot??? When and how did that happen?

Hmmmmm I'm feeling really weird in this tribe. It's as if I don't belong.....That's the vibe I'm getting. Whatever. I'm sticking to my strategy of not talking to people. Hey it worked TWICE and got me to the end twice. It works. People come to me with information at once. I hope I can pull it off again.

so like I mighta just made a chat with myself Scott jessy Allison josh and Connor to save Connor bc David was a bust. Highkey still don't trust Scott and sam Matt mj and connah are trying for Lydia and I'm like no fuck off? When the phone battery goes down my chaotic gameplay goes up. Like idc whomstve is gonna be pissed i am GETTING Connor in this game. Drew and cat should have sacrificed themselves for him too so here's to fucking hoping. If Lydia comes in I'm dead straight up gay up!

push me to the edge i wish i was dead why is scott a snake scott u little snake push me to the edge i wish i was dead lydia im the wrong connor please stop making my life harder push me to the edge mask off, task off back off, mask off i dont really care that im crying but i really care that youre lying edge dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun mask off, task off

i have lost all my motivation. i am a shell of a man i used to be

i am fucked. if i somehow get out of this mess i got myself into it would be a miracle.

Okay it's time for my second confessional because it's getting really hard dealing with these people and I need to vent. Like I really cannot.

After the Lydia vote off succeeded I tried to do major damage control with Matt and Scott. They both seemed to understand but I know they don't trust me anymore. Iit's not like they even realistically did. Maybe Matt did, but his reaction really shows his game. Scott seems to think he can snake his way around the two alliances but I'll bring up that later in this confessional. Anyways, it's announced that Karma Island is in play and immediately I'm worried. I fell into a position where I had to lead on Connor, David and Regan all at once because I legitimately had no idea who I wanted to return. I received information from Scott that MJ was on call with Sam and Lydia. They were

[4:26:26 AM] Jessy: i have some tea ladies! [4:27:05 AM] Jessy: So Scott is playing both sides. [4:27:09 AM] Jessy: and MJ/Connah/Josh are too. [4:27:21 AM] Jessy: MJ wants me to stay so he can use me for next tribal to get Sam out.. [4:27:26 AM] Jessy: But sis he has another thing coming. [4:29:43 AM] Jessy: sam acts like a 4 year old [4:29:47 AM] Jessy: "jessy probs just wants all of us on jury bc we're the ppl who knew her pregame so we'd give her our jury votes" [4:29:52 AM] Jessy: she said this [4:29:57 AM] Jessy: like no i want u on prejury [4:29:58 AM] Jessy: zzksjksksks [4:42:41 AM] Jessy: mj and connah rlly think they're so smart huh [4:42:42 AM] Jessy: like ur not. [4:42:42 AM] Jessy: BKLMASDFMKLDSMKLA [4:42:46 AM] Jessy: i literally know what ur doing [4:43:03 AM] Jessy: this is ur mo mj... [4:43:05 AM] Jessy: ur forcing myself into a situation where i have to go w/ him b/c my numbers are cut. [4:44:25 AM] Jessy: Like I know he's pitting me against Samatthew by telling me this information [4:44:29 AM] Jessy: But like.. [4:44:37 AM] Jessy: Damn they're literally Spencer and Tasha [4:52:02 AM] Jessy: I'm reading their games to filth. [8:18:39 AM] Jessy: me again [8:21:05 AM] Jessy: God why'd i tell connor i heard his name [8:21:06 AM] Jessy: LSJLSSKKSKS [9:52:09 AM] Jessy: SCOTT IS SUCH A FUCKING LIAR [9:59:32 AM] Jessy: time to get reads [9:59:35 AM] Jessy: and intel! [9:59:41 AM] Jessy: im legit gonna interrogate him idc [10:01:03 AM] Jessy: Nancy Drew who???? [10:01:16 AM] Jessy: im GETTING the dirt. [10:01:24 AM] Jessy: spill the beans! [10:01:50 AM] Jessy: seeing Scott is typing... answering my questions is so funny [10:01:57 AM] Jessy: Like ur nervous huh sis [10:03:32 AM] Jessy: does scott really think ill eat the bullshit hes putting out for me on a platter rn? [10:03:37 AM] Jessy: Like bitch what the fuck LAKSKSKKSKS [10:08:25 AM] Jessy: OK SCOTT IS LYING OUT OF HIS ASS [10:08:29 AM] Jessy: IM SICK OF IT [10:08:35 AM] Jessy: HOW DOES MJ KNOW U WERE HIGH THEN [10:08:44 AM] Jessy: LIKE UGH !!! [10:09:53 AM] Jessy: ok sam could've told mj! [10:09:57 AM] Jessy: interesting! [10:14:37 AM] Jessy: mj and scott together ? conspiracy theory ? [10:18:18 AM] Jessy: Oh yeah, I also found out last night that josh did vote for Lydia, but Connah switched his vote from Lydia to Connor and Trevor wouldn't allow him to change it back [10:18:26 AM] Jessy: i thought sam was being distant huh scott [10:20:12 AM] Jessy: There's holes in this scheme. [10:22:32 AM] Jessy: "Same" [10:22:34 AM] Jessy: keh [10:22:51 AM] Jessy: guess i'm done here. [10:23:51 AM] Trevor [Host of Hosts]: I'm samatthew [10:24:27 AM] Jessy: theyre literally spencer and tasha [10:24:32 AM] Jessy: mj is a cheap version of jeremy [10:26:00 AM] Trevor [Host of Hosts]: Who are you [10:26:45 AM] Jessy: i wanna say kelley but i don't wanna be cocky like matt

This is a recap on what happened before the Karma Vote. One reason is so that I can look back on it and the other is for Connor to read in the future. This is 100% what happened. Lydia made her pitch to me around noon yesterday and she had made valid points and I wouldn't mind her being back but my vote is locked to Connor at that point though I was still willing to listen to her so I can get info out of her. I messaged Connah a little later and he said he was going to vote Lydia back in so I had an inkling that something's up but shrugged it off because there's no way Lydia's coming back it's just not in the numbers. I went to bed and woke up at 6am with a bunch of messages and one of them was Lydia asking to call. I told her I only woke up randomly and was planning on sleeping a little bit more. I didn't know the vote was due at 8 and I woke up 30 minutes before the deadline. Jessy messaged me asking if MJ had come up to me and asked if Lydia's being voted back in and I said no because MJ and I haven't talked yet. A little while, Andrew messaged me asking who to vote and I said Connor and then I got added to the Saving Connor chat with Scott, Jessy, Allison and Connor. What surprised me the most is why Scott is there. I didn't understand. Next, MJ messaged me asking for my vote so that we can tie between Lydia and Connor. Now the thing is, I told them I would vote whatever they want to but my vote is locked to Connor unless they absolutely needed it because they're the two people I trusted the most in this game. And they really did need it. I went on call with Connor and told him that everyone's pulling my leg getting me to vote with them and then got on call with Connah making his case to me with Lydia and Lydia's on my pms making her case again and Scott and I were trying to figure out how we're going to go and mind you this is literally 5 minutes before the deadline and at that point everyone thought we could change votes. I was freaking out everyone was talking to me at the same time I felt very pressured that I just asked Scott to make a decision for me and he won't decide for me and Connah just started to tell me VOTE LYDIA VOTE LYDIA and without hesitation I changed. Now obviously that didn't fall through because Connor came back and he found out I changed my vote. Now he doesn't want to speak to me and probably burned my bridge with him and idk about the status of our friendship right now. I spilled so much critical information on Connor and if we went our separate ways and uses those against me then I'm fucked. I mentioned to Connor how I wanted to target Jessy because of how good she is and if that gets back to her than she's going to turn on me. My hope is that MJ, Sam, Scott, Connah and Matt form a 6 person alliance to get past this round. This game is taking a toll on me emotionally and I've been struggling to play since the first few days. I wasn't like this before. It isn't worth it. It's not worth it to lose a friendship over this. It's easy to say that you need to cut ties and turn the heart off but doing it for real is different. Connor, my explanation is probably something you did not want to hear and it's probably going to re-open wounds once this game is over because looking back on it now, the decision was stupid. It didn't have to be that way but I gave in because of pressure.

Honestly.... I just feel so defeated. I don't see myself really doing as great as I would have wanted to in this game, which is such a pessimistic way to think but its true. Like if I were to be going home tomorrow I wouldn't even care that I didn't make the jury. A lot just went down these past few days that made me realize why I retired in the first place. So to really go back, Lydia was blindsided. Not surprised that it happened cause I knew something fishy was going on, but surprised that out of everyone I was the most left out of the loop. Like no one bothered to tell me that the vote was getting split between Allison and Andrew. Like when Lydia left Jessy and Andrew had me on call and explained everything to me and why they did what they did. And like I'm really not mad at them for doing so. I think it was amazing on their part that they pulled it off. They told me how MJ and Connah were really wanting to get Lydia out, which caught me by surprise cause I thought they were really close. Afterwards, Sam gets me on call and is worried about what could happen in the future and who we have with us. And to my surprise, Matt Summers actually talked strategy with me for the first time. The story I got from them was that Jessy approached them and got them involved with voting Lydia. To make matters worse, we have to vote someone back into this game thanks to Karma Island. And I feel like this is gonna make things so much worse cause I'm starting to realize I only have myself in this game. Idk like in Maluku flipping was easy cause I had Maria and Mattica who I trusted more than anyone. I don't really trust anyone in this game, so it makes everything 10x worse. Connor talked to me and told me he doesn't hold that against me, and idk part of me really thinks if he IS going to come back, I need to vote him so I can prove to him that I can be someone he can actually work with later on. Especially with MJ/Connah/Sam/Matt being a sinking ship, I just feel like I need to find other resources when I need to. Plus the only person I trust in that group is Sam, and after hearing that MJ has wanted me out of this game for awhile now I don't see why I need to stick my neck out for them. That whole voting process was such a mess because I really didn't know what to do with all of that. Like I voted for Connor cause I was sure he was getting in, then Josh comes to me and says he didn't know what to do. Which like RIP cause I thought he already voted, and to make matter worse he told lydia and lydia went off on me in the pms. And like, the fact that this all went down when I was out with friends just made me realize that I'm too invested in this game and that I left for a reason. Idk the only reason why Connor is back is because Connah changed his vote and wasnt allowed to switch back. I'm just annoyed cause I'm really fucked in this game to the point of no return. And like Sam and them are trying to make sure I'm gonna vote with them but with Lydia out and the only person on that side i actually consider an ally being Sam, it just makes sense for me to go through with what I've been wanting to do for awhile and flip with Jessy and Andrew.

"fifth vote... lydia"

what the fuck is going on why is no one talking to me. fucking hell man, and then im gonna wake up again and have a shit ton of messages waiting for me when i check my phone. everything's happening at the very last minute in this game omg.

YALL TRIBAL IS  11 HOURS AWAY I DONT KNOW WHAT I'M GONNA DO AND IM GONNA BE ASLEEP IN 9 OF THOSE HOURS. FUCK IT.

you know how it'd be fun if i just go ghost the whole morning tomorrow lkfjskjdfhskjfs *deletes Skype*

OKA Y BUT S ERIOUSLY im sick and tired of waking up in the morning where a plan has already been made and i have no say in it. fuck it a guy needs his sleep its yalls fault for not making a plan during our off day ! btw if i get voted out tomorrow im gonna be salty af trevor why did you have to have the first merge boot not a jury member i dont want to miss out on JURY! !!!!!

everyone is getting on my god damn nerves TODAY !

On 25/06/2017, at 8:30 PM, connor wrote: > hi background music plays: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cpLU8BI02wQ

Okay so I just laid out all the info I got today. I talked to Scott this morning I said does he know for sure Sam has a vote negator or is it a hunch? He said it was a hunch and he doesn't really know, so I got sus. He was high last night so maybe he let it slip MJ told me that Scott was high last night so I wanted to find a way to vertify what he said about Scott/Sam/Matt/MJ/Connah being all on a group call [6/24/2017 10:09:30 AM] Jessy: did you tell anyone you were high LMAOOOOO i'd be so non functional if i was high and game talking [6/24/2017 10:09:40 AM] Scott: I mean I told sam It's possible that Scott is either lying about him telling Sam specifically, or Sam just told MJ that Scott was high and he happened to tell me this He said this when I asked him about the Sam call: [6/24/2017 9:51:38 AM] Jessy: did anything important come out of the sam call [6/24/2017 9:51:58 AM] Scott: Honestly it just made me realize that she doesn't trust me [6/24/2017 9:52:17 AM] Jessy: fuck! [6/24/2017 9:52:25 AM] Scott: She asked me what my relationship was with you [6/24/2017 9:53:05 AM] Scott: And if I actually trusted you cause you're known to be deceiving for "organizing the whole Lydia vote and misting MJ/Connah" [6/24/2017 9:53:48 AM] Jessy: :$ would be me if i actually did! [6/24/2017 9:54:07 AM] Jessy: r they voting me [6/24/2017 9:54:25 AM] Scott: I mean we never got around to actually talking about it [6/24/2017 9:54:32 AM] Jessy: oh okay [6/24/2017 9:54:39 AM] Jessy: who do you think she would go for [6/24/2017 9:55:32 AM] Scott: But I wouldn't be surprised if that's what they were wanting to do cause sam really just kept mentioning how I felt about you [6/24/2017 9:57:03 AM] Jessy: that's offputtig [6/24/2017 9:57:08 AM] Jessy: *offputting [6/24/2017 9:58:02 AM] Scott: Yeah, but it's just really clear that damage was done last night so I'm not even sure what's gonna be happening from here on out It made me think that I'm unsure if Scott is just lying about the call or if MJ is just trying to come up with a scenario for me to think is happening so I won't pull any moves. Then, I talked to MJ about the vote and he said that he was going to be on a road trip today so he's probably asleep by now. I talked to Connah about the game while MJ was online and while we were talking about the whole thing of us being on different sides, MJ pmed me. He said he pmed me because Connah sent him a funny quote about a joke I made. Then, I asked him if Connah sent him any game logs. The game logs were about us being on different sides in the Lydia/Connor returnee vote and then he kept on acting like he didn't know who was going to go because no one was talking to him. I asked him if Sam would be a vote he would want, and he said it depends if we have the numbers. He said I have to convince Allison+Andrew+Connor myself because he doesn't want to get himself involved in something controversial this tribal council after last round. I asked MJ about this, and he said Connah specifically said: "idk if I wanna stick with jessy or go with sam" "like I'm just confused" This made me paranoid, because I didn't know if Connah meant "stick with jessy" as a vote or "go with sam" as a vote. It's possible that MJ made it look like he meant regarding alliances and not a vote off, but it still made me paranoid. MJ then told me Connah went on call with Sam. MJ said he asked Connah what was going on and they were just talking about who they wanted to go. MJ said they both leaned towards Connor leaving. MJ then said Connah thought he should go with Sam (as in alliances). MJ said he would try to convince him to "string me along" next round and use me to vote Sam off. MJ then said if Sam convinced Connah to vote for me, he would try to convince him to go after Sam this round. MJ said he would prefer Connor to go now and Sam next round, but he's willing to consider it by starting it off with a conversation with Connah tomorrow. Our conversation ended, and I thought that I should try to message Sam in some way and let her know that I'm "flexible". I then said that people probably think we aren't together in the game and we could play that to our advantage. She said she was down if I was, but proceeding this she kept on saying she didn't know what she wanted to do and that "she has no power to throw out a name." This really annoyed me so I asked her who does and she said she doesn't know. Our conversation ended, but during it Connah messaged me asking me if I'm talking to anyone because it's really quiet. I was feeling a vibe that Sam told Connah she was talking to me, so I told him I was trying to resolve my issues with Sam. It got awkward so our conversation kinda died off. During all this, Andrew, Allison and Connor didn't have a lot to say about anything. Connor said he was at work all day and came back at 10 PM EDT and said sorry he was at work. I said it was okay then asked him if he talked to Josh recently. He never replied and then I asked him again an hour later and still received no reply. Now, Scott says he's back and is messaging my alliance chat with himself and Andrew. I haven't talked to Matt at all this vote. I said hey to Allison in pms but she never replied because I'm pretty sure she's been offline. I haven't talked to Josh either, but I have an opportunity to tonight because it's 2 PM for him in Phillippines.

Decisions, decisions.... I hate my position in this game as the "middle man" Anyways, Jessy/Andrew I think are expecting me to flip and vote Sam with them this round, but tbh I don't think I can flip on Sam and vote her out. Like if she goes, I don't want to be apart of that just because she trusts me a lot with her game. However, if they can manage to get her out this round I'm all theirs. Sam/MJ and co. said they want to do Allison, and because I don't trust Allison i think it might be safest for me to just vote her out and only flip if they're wanting to vote out Jessy/Andrew. Also spoke on call with Connor and hes trying to convince me to flip. The only way I see myself voting with them is if they vote MJ. But I just don't think that is realistic since Jessy is set on voting Sam. Which I personally cannot do since she is the only one I trust on that other side. Idk its all very up in the air, hopefully it isnt me that goes

9wegwpirangwfj tribals in an hour and a half and I really don't know what I'm gonna do. Apparently Josh would be okay with voting out MJ but I'm not sure if he really would. Part of me is thinking I should just vote Allison and if it ties, then I flip cause I don't wanna be rocked out pre-jury, especially since the only person I trust on Sam and Co side is Sam. I just know this is gonna be one huge clusterfuck

So.... much.... stress.... Josh and I agreed on just voting with the separate blocks, but I forgot that Sam has a vote negator so now I have to decide if I'm actually gonna go through with that plan or just flip and vote MJ. hregehgoihiqrehie I HATE THIS GAME

This game? Is crazy. I want to die. Somehow, through almost FIVE HOURS of acumalitive calls, I have managed to flip Josh and Scott so that we have majority. MJ SHOULD be going home. I literally did that. Like, i LITERALLY did THAT. Good god. Fingers crossed. It just makes sense? With MJ being a winner already and very good at flipping votes and winning challenges, we have the time to take him out so lets do it. Sam would be easier to vote out and I know Jessy wanted to, but with Matt having another idol and being immune, the two of them are too close for comfort. Actually, this entire game is too close for comfort. end my life.

why am i in the middle. i mean i guess i should count my blessings because i'm not getting voted out but this is such a hard position to be in