#they really said “we need mike to go out of his mind quick what heartthrob has a token hairstyle that would work in the 80s”

[gayofthefae]

I can't believe Will has the Justin Bieber. I haven't stopped thinking about it.

[aswegcalong]

I Know What I Know (Jork)

Title: I Know What I Know Pairing: Jork Rating: R for language, G for content Warnings: emotional as all fuck Summary: while on a break from recording Good Times, Peter thinks back on all the good times he shared with Davy Jones and all the memories he holds close to his heart. Word Count: 1.9K  Author’s Note: I cried all over my keyboard while writing this, it’s so emotional but so good. The pain none of us asked for. 

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Everything was going swimmingly for the boys as they recorded Good Times. They’d all put in so much time and effort to make sure this album was everything they wanted it to be and more, they couldn’t let anyone down, not after fifty years of having been a band of long-haired weirdos.

“Hey, I’m gonna record this track real quick, you guys can listen but the backing tracks are already laid down for it,” Mike told Micky and Peter as they set down their instruments, gathering their music and things as they prepared for what was next.

“Sounds good,” Micky replied for the both of them as they stood up from their seats, both men making their way out of the vocal studio and to the listening room as Mike gathered his things for this next track.

Micky and Peter each grabbed a set of headphones to listen as Mike settled down for the track and once their producer gave the nod, they were ready to go. Mike laid down a beautiful track, having told them before that the title was I Know What I Know but not having told them much about it. There was emotion, there was power, it was so raw - unlike some of Mike’s previous songs he’d written for the boys.

Within minutes, the track was done. In a usual Nesmith fashion, Mike nailed it one take and had requested no layering on the vocals, it was meant to be gentle, soft, raw, full of emotion - it meant something to him.

“Sounded spot on, Nez, nailed it. How about we all take a long lunch and we’ll return later to finish today’s tracks?” The producer offered the boys, all three of them nodding in agreement at his offer.

“That was a trip Michael,” Micky said softly as they all gathered in the tight hallway, “I loved it. I felt every moment of it.”

“Good, that’s what I was going for. See yous all later,” The tall Texan said as he turned on his heels and left for his car.

“I’ll catch you later, Mick,” Peter said softly before turning and heading in the opposite direction, looking for an empty studio to gather his thoughts in.

Something about I Know What I Know stirred something deep within him, something he hadn’t let himself feel in years. Longing, emptiness, loneliness, loss, everything he felt at the funeral of his longtime friend David Jones.

Peter sat down in the booth once he’d found an empty one, enjoying the quiet and stillness of the room as the lyrics he’d just heard rang through his mind.

I know what I know And what I know Is I know nothing Without you

“I know nothing without you here, David,” Peter mumbled softly as he let his head hang in his hands.

Sure, they’d fought a few times. Nothing was easy on the set of The Monkees, but despite their age gap, they’d bonded quickly. Peter took Davy under his wing to teach him things Davy had no concept of knowing as a 19-year-old boy fresh to “The Colonies.”

I know what I see And what I see Is I see nothing Without you

“I miss you every fucking day,” Peter mumbled into his hands, hyperaware all of the sudden that the “first official” anniversary of Davy’s death was coming up soon. The leap year date make things wonky, leaving Peter to not really dwell on it for too long when it late February/early March came around every year, but this year, February 2016, gave him more than enough time to think about it, even forgetting his own 75th birthday to help plan a remembrance party for his favourite Manchester Cowboy.

Alone I am With waiting heart Alone I am A world apart

Peter wasn’t quite ready for his own death, his youngest child being 19 herself and he wanted to see as much of her life as he could, yet the thought of going on without Davy - especially when they were recording a track of his today - was more than enough to make him consider that 75 was long enough to have lived. He no longer had his friend, his companion, his lover.

I know what I have And what I have Is I have nothing Without you

It was their little secret, their little moment between them. Their moments of experimenting with one another in ways forbidden by those around them. Sure, Peter’d been with more than enough girls in his lifetime to satisfy any carnal hunger deep within, but he and Davy did more than just fuck, somehow, for two friends experimenting with each other during their times with drugs and their times between shows, they’d loved. Peter really did feel like he had nothing without Davy in his life, he couldn’t just call him up and chat for hours like they’d enjoyed doing, he couldn’t just hop on a plane and go visit his longtime friend, he could only hear what was left of his voice when he’d take a trip down memory lane and listen to one of the old albums, Pool It! being one of his favourites to look back on for Davy’s voice, he had his body in old music videos, romps and photos, but he couldn’t hug his friend again. He had nothing.

I know what I feel And what I feel Is I feel nothing Without you

“I feel nothing, I see nothing, I’ve grown numb to all of this bullshit,” Peter mumbled to himself as he let the tears flow freely down his cheeks. He didn’t bother trying to hide it anymore - he knew he was alone in here and he knew he had plenty of time before anyone would come looking for him - he let himself hurt. With a wet face, tears falling into his grey/white stubble, he thought back on their first and only physical fight.

He rubbed the tips of his fingers over his left cheekbone, feeling the ghost of the bruise Davy had landed there with his “nutter.” He laughed softly, trying to hold himself together as he remembered the next day, the way Davy kissed his cheek softly and whispered sweet apologies when Peter was the one that had done the most damage. He thought about how Davy had promised to make it up to him and he declined, knowing nothing would ease the guilt he carried for sending his near-on best friend and lover to the “A&E knock off bullshit” for stitches.

Alone I am Unspoken words Alone I am Unseen, unheard

He was in a soundproof room, he could cry as hard as he wanted to as he remembered David Thomas Jones, remembering all the good times he’d shared with the younger lad.

He let himself truly go, letting out full sobs as he longed for Davy back in his life. He longed to hear Davy’s inarticulate Manchester accent tell him all about the horse show he’d just been to that past weekend, he’d longed to hear about how he’d celebrated his 70th birthday back home with all his family in England, he longed to hear “Pe-tah!” shouted one more time across a room as Peter did something off or goofy.

My heart is my heart And it is my heart That is hopeless Without you

He thought about the first time Davy had come to him, the first time Davy had really come on to him. He hadn’t believed it at the time - it took him days to wrap his head around it - Davy Jones, the teen heartthrob, wanted him, dummy Peter Tork.

Every touch, every caress, every gentle movement between them, it was cherished, it was full of love, it was everything Peter had looked for in a wife but he had never truly found again as much as he did love his wives and lovers when they were in his life.

He’d never tell anyone, the boys, his children, his wives, or future lovers about the times they shared, and he was hopeless, hopelessly in love with a man who was taken from the joy of life far too soon for anyone’s liking.

I love what I love And what I love Is I love all things About you

Everything about Davy had been wonderful. He was too kind for his own good. They said that Peter was kind to a fault, but those people had never spent enough time with Davy.

“I wish I’d told you, one last time,” Peter mumbled, his voice broken and thick as he spoke through the sobs, “I love you, David, I always have loved you.”

Davy was the kind heart that helped him realise his drinking had gone too far, the kind heart that helped him see that the amount of grass he’d smoke wasn’t good for him and that a rail of white was nothing but an addiction fuelled by loneliness and money. Davy would call him up, would check up on him, would encourage him to find healthier habits, help him remember all the good times they’d shared without copious amounts of drugs in their systems, and when Davy’s wife wasn’t around they’d mumble about their moments alone.

Someone alone Always dreams of The perfect one Someone in love

“Someone in love, I’m just a lovesick fool,” Peter near on whimpered as he let the sobs rack through his body.

Davy was the perfect one, the perfect man. His wives hadn’t seen it until it was too late, and he’d failed to notice it soon enough in life to stick around longer around the scene. Their own demons had torn them apart for years, causing band fueds and unnecessary hate and anger to pull them even farther apart.

“The perfect one, the perfect one,” Peter mumbled over and over to himself as he thought about Davy.

I know what I know I see what I see I love what I love It’s you that I love

“It is you, it is you that I love,” Peter mumbled, throwing his head back towards the sky as if Davy’s spirit could hear him.

It was rare for Peter to show this much emotion, he was good at masking tragedy behind warm eyes and a tight embrace, but this time he was alone, he was on his own, he couldn’t tell the boys where he’d gone off to this lunch break. How do you explain yeah, sorry, I just went off to have a good cry over our old pal Davy Jones, nothing abnormal, just a normal Thursday no need to worry about me guys.

With nothing but good memories and regret coursing through his body, Peter let it out. He let himself feel, he let himself miss his favourite Manchester Cowboy, his favourite Capricorn, his favourite friend, his world, his everything. He pulled out his necklace, wrapping it tightly around his fingers as he held on to the one physical piece of Davy he had with him - a set of love beads Davy had gifted him Christmas of 1969.

They’d shown up in the mail, nothing extravagant, but something just the same and they meant the world to Peter. He’d worn them almost every day since 1971 under every shirt he’d ever worn to remember the memories he shared with his former bandmate.

“It’s you that I love, I know nothing without you. I miss you every fucking day. Hope you’re thriving out there in the beyond, spending time with your Dad and prancing to Daydream Believer like it’s 1967 again and we don’t have a care in the world. I love you Mr Manchester Marauder,” Peter whispered to the ceiling as if Davy was right there next to him to hear it.

And what I love, is I love all things about you...

[stansrichie]

Moonlight

pairing: kasplon (eddie x mike)

requested: no, but it should have been

warnings: richie being richie

not my gif

this is inspired by the song “moonlight” by queen ariana grande

IMPORTANT: everything in italics is flashbacks to when eddie and mike first started dating, bold italics are song lyrics, and regular text is present time if you didn’t understand.

The sun is setting and you’re right here by my side.

Eddie turned his head to admire the boy laying beside him on the grass. The moonlight reflected off of his skin and made Eddie’s heart begin to beat in a way he thought would surely land him a trip to the ER if it didn’t stop.

Eddie wasn’t really sure when he had fallen in love with Mike Hanlon, he just knew it happened sometime between the beginning of their 9th grade year and the ending of their 11th grade year. He had never come to terms with the fact that he was falling for another boy, given the immense homophobia present in Derry, let alone another loser until their last day of the 11th grade.

And the movie is playing, but we won’t be watching tonight.

Middle school had been brutal for the group of 7, but something changed in high school. They all grew out of the “loser phase” to an extent, but Mike was the one that changed the most. Richie still wore his hawaiian shirts and cracked inappropriate jokes, but he was also the school’s heartthrob, to everyone’s surprise. Bill continued his art and still had a bit of a stutter, but he was also known as the sweetest guy in school. Ben wrote love letters and poems to Beverly, which led him to win multiple awards in creative writing, every single day, and according to Richie he needed to “man the fuck up and ask her out already.” Beverly was the captain of the girl’s soccer team, as well as the boy’s soccer team since her coach knew she was the best player. Stan still went birdwatching every single morning at 6:30AM sharp and made sure to keep Richie in check, but he was also the school’s MVP for his incredible baseball skills. Hell, even Eddie had made a name for himself at the school. Eddie won the national science fair after finding an “eco-friendly way to combat every single germ Richie has ever cursed the planet with,” which started as a joke but ended up working out in his favor.

Every look, every touch, makes me wanna give you my heart.

But Mike Hanlon? Eddie couldn’t even begin where to start with him. Was the term “loser” even fitting for Mike Hanlon anymore? Mike became the star quarterback at Derry High School, being the first freshman to be on the varsity team in Derry history, and is arguably the most popular guy in school. Eddie couldn’t think of one person that didn’t love Mike, and what made Eddie even more anxious is the fact that girls loved Mike in a different way. A way that made Eddie’s stomach turn when he saw girls giggling and blushing when Mike smiled at them in the halls, or when he saw Mike leaning against Erica Parker’s locker during free period, whispering something that made her cheeks turn a deep shade of red and making Eddie rush away from the scene.

I’d be crushing on you, baby, stay the way you are.

But the day that changed everything was the day that Mike Hanlon found out Eddie Kaspbrak had a crush on him, thanks to Richie of course.

“Come on Eddie, you can’t hide from him forever,” Stan said, leaning against the door to the janitor’s closet, which Eddie had locked himself in.

Stan heard faint sniffles coming from the other side of the door. Richie had been talking about the winter dance that was coming up soon, and after asking who everyone was going with he just so happened to “suggest” to Eddie that he should ask Mike since he had a crush on him anyway. Eddie knew Richie hadn’t meant to tell about his crush, hell, it was pretty obvious anyway, but Eddie was still shocked, and Richie was just as shocked, apologizing profusely as Eddie ran out through the cafeteria doors. Stan dashed after him, not before shooting a glare at Richie, of course. The only person that wasn’t shaken up by the situation was Mike. In fact, Mike tried to hide the smile that had found its way onto his face.

Eddie took the time to admire the way Mike’s dark skin looked under the moon’s reflection. He couldn’t even put into words how beautiful the sight is, and he silently wished this moment would never end.

I kiss his fingertips as I’m wishing he’s all mine.

He sometimes wondered if Mike admired him the same way he admired Mike. Eddie wasn’t aware of this, but he most certainly did.

“Go away Stan, you don’t understand. You’ll never understand. I’m not even supposed to like him, he doesn’t like boys. Everything is ruined now, there’s no fucking way I can go back out there,” Eddie replied, trying to hold back the sobs that were aching to come out.

Eddie heard the echo of clumsy feet stomping against the door, stopping right in front of the janitor’s closet. “Hey Eds, I’m really sorry, I didn’t mean to tell everyone about your crush on Mi- OW STOP IT STAN, JESUS FUCK.”

“Don’t fucking call me that Richie, you know I hate that.”

After a while of talking through the door, they eventually gave up on trying to convince Eddie to come out. Stan and Richie were basically talking to themselves at this point because Eddie had stopped replying to them almost 5 minutes after Richie arrived, and the bell had already rang by then.

Just as Eddie had thought the coast was clear and he could make a getaway, planning to skip the rest of the school day and tell his mom he was sick, even if she would drive him to the hospital immediately, he heard someone’s footsteps come closer and closer to the door. Eddie was too afraid to look out of the crack in the door, in fear of being seen, but he knew all too well who it was.

Eddie had never realized this before, but Mike had beautiful long eyelashes. The way they reflected in the moonlight made it all the more dramatic.

He’s giving me Elvis with some James Dean in his eyes.

Mike had never liked his near pitch black eyes and long eyelashes, but Eddie loved them. Even more, now that they were dancing in the light like this.

“Hey, Eddie… I know you’re in there,” Mike’s soothing voice called. Eddie was frozen stiff at the sound of his voice. “Can you please come out here and talk to me?” Eddie didn’t move a muscle. He couldn’t. He wanted to, but he couldn’t bring his body to it.

A few minutes had passed and he heard a deep sigh from the other side of the door. “That’s okay. I didn’t think you would anyways. I just wanted to ask you something real quick, but I guess I can wait and do it some other time.” Mike waited at the door, hoping Eddie would change his mind last minute, but he knew he couldn’t wait forever. Teachers like to patrol the hallways, and Mike snuck out of class without a hall pass.

“I’ll see you soon, Eddie,” Mike said quietly, more to himself than anyone else.

Eddie turned away from Mike’s face and looked back up at the stars, praying he wouldn’t see the blush that had started to creep up onto his cheeks at the thought of that day.

Puts his lips on my neck, makes me wanna give him my body.

Mike looks over at Eddie. He always loved Eddie’s freckles, and now looking more intently, he realizes how much he’d rather be staring at them than the stars that aligned the midnight sky.

“Tomorrow’s the w-winter dance guys, what’s th-he plan?” Bill asked, plopping down in his seat in the cafeteria next to Stan.

“Well, I don’t know about you losers but I’ve gotta put the moves on a certain someone before tomorrow or else I won’t be getting any winter lovin’,” Richie said, throwing a wink at Stan, who in return rolled his eyes so hard Eddie thought they might fall out.

Beverly laughed. “We should all meet up at Ben’s house and take photos, then carpool in Bill’s van,” she suggested, taking a bite out of her ham sandwich. Everyone hummed in agreement, besides Mike.

“Actually, I don’t know if I’ll be able to make it or not. My grandpa said I can’t go unless all of my work for the week is taken care of by the time the dance starts,” he said, a sad smile on his face.

Eddie tried to hide his sheer disappointment by looking down at his shoes, suddenly losing his appetite. He had finally decided to face Mike at the dance when they could be alone, and maybe even ask for a dance, but totally lost his chance now.

“What if we all come over early and help you get your work done quicker, Mikey?” Ben asked.

“That’s okay guys, I wouldn’t want you to get all dirty and sweaty before it’s time to get ready. Don’t worry about me,” He said, giving Ben a grateful smile.

“Hey, Eddie?” Mike asked, shamelessly staring at Eddie’s side profile.

“Yeah?” Eddie said, a little too quick for his own liking, turning around and facing his beautiful boyfriend.

“You know I love you, right?” Mike whispered softly, grabbing Eddie’s hand and intertwining it with his own. Mike had always been super confident in everything he had done, and he wasn’t sure if it was the way the moon hit Eddie’s eyes and made them light up in a way he’d never seen before, or if it were the way Eddie looked at him with enough intensity to put a fire to shame, but for some reason, Mike had begun to grow awfully nervous.

I’d be falling for you, baby, and I just can’t stop.

“I know… I love you too,” Eddie replied, pausing between words to catch his breath, which was faltering due to his irregular heartbeat. He wished he had brought his inhaler with him, but he left it on his bedside table.

Eddie looked at the clock that read that it was 5:30. The losers were meeting at Ben’s at 6pm to take pictures, leaving Eddie just enough time to finish getting ready and make his way there.

Eddie was adjusting his tie when he heard knocking at the front door.

“Coming,” he said, slipping on his shoes and opening up the door. There in front of him stood Mike Hanlon, dressed in a dark purple dress suit, holding a red boutonnière in his hand, matching the one that was pinned to his lapel.

“Good afternoon, Eddie Kaspbrak. I know it’s a little short notice, but I was wondering if you’d like to accompany me to a certain school dance on this fine evening?” Mike said, smiling brighter than the sun had ever shone.

Eddie nodded and stepped out of his home, choosing not to verbally reply in fear of choking up and embarrassing himself and allowed Mike to place the boutonnière on his tux. The two boys’ faces were just centimeters apart, and Eddie swore he might pass out if they got any closer. Mike lifted his head after pinning the flower and stared deeply into Eddie’s chocolate brown eyes. He took a moment to admire the small boy’s face, as well as the rosy pink tint that took over the boy’s cheeks and neck. A slight breeze moved a piece of Eddie’s hair out of place and Mike couldn’t help but to run his own fingers through it and fix the misplaced hair. Eddie was sure Mike had heard his breath hitch.

Mike grabbed Eddie’s hand and led him down the street to Ben’s house, eventually starting up a conversation about how Richie totally cheated in Twister during last weekend’s game night.

Eddie placed his head on Mike’s chest, and Mike wrapped his arm around Eddie’s waist. Eddie shook his head slightly and smiled.

I never knew you could hold moonlight in your hands till the night I held you. You are my moonlight.

“What is it?” Mike said, giggling softly at his silly boy. Eddie looked up. “I am so damn in love with you, Mike Hanlon.” It was Mike’s turn to lose his breath.

“Hello” by Lionel Richie was softly playing in the background of the school dance. Eddie looked around and he could see everyone scrambling to find someone to dance with. He saw Ben and Bev rocking slowly to the music. Bill and a girl from his chemistry class were dancing as well. He also saw Richie trying to drag Stan onto the dance floor, earning him a smack on the arm. Right when he thought Richie was going to give up, he saw him lean into Stan and whisper something in his ear that made him sheepishly follow Richie to the dance floor.

“May I have this dance?” Mike asked, bowing dramatically and holding his hand out for Eddie to take. Eddie rolled his eyes, pretending to be annoyed. “Get up, idiot, of course I will.” Mike beamed and took Eddie’s hand, leading him out to the dance floor.

Eddie and Mike had always said they loved each other, but they had never proclaimed that they were IN love with each other. What took Mike by surprised even more was the fact that Eddie was the first to say this.

He’s so bossy, he makes me dance. Tryna sit in the back of his whip and just cancel my plans.

Mike leaned down placed his forehead against Eddie’s, and they laid just like that. With Mike’s large hand covering Eddie’s small one, and Eddie’s small frame hugging against Mike’s.

Eddie’s arms were placed around Mike’s neck, and Mike’s arms were placed on Eddie’s waist. Mike loved the way his hands fit right on the sides of Eddie’s body. They swayed back and forth to the beautiful song and it felt like they were the only two in the room. The world around them swirled into a contrast of light and dark colors, leaving the two lovesick boys directly in the middle of the chaos.

Mike’s eyes never left Eddie’s face. Not even when Eddie tried to turn away from Mike out of embarrassment when he realized Mike was looking at him so directly, suddenly becoming insecure. Mike lightly grabbed Eddie’s chin and made him look at him again.

“Please don’t look away from me like that again. You shouldn’t be so insecure. I’m staring for a reason,” Mike hummed softly, pressing his forehead against Eddie’s. “O-okay,” Eddie stuttered.

Eddie was becoming incredibly anxious at the fact that Mike had yet to respond to him saying he’s in love with him.

Sweet like candy, but he’s such a man.

He could feel his palms start to become sweaty and decided whether he should apologize, but what exactly would he be apologizing for? Expressing his feelings?

Locking eyes, they continued to slowly sway to the music. Second by second, they became slower with their steps until they came to a complete stop in the middle of the room, looking into each other’s eyes and leaning closer to one another.

“I like you too Eddie,” Mike whispered, enclosing the space between them and taking Eddie’s lips in his.

Mike positioned his body to look over at the small boy, who could feel Mike’s breath tickling his face. He pulled Eddie even closer to his chest.

He knows just what it does when he’s holding me tight and he calls me moonlight too.

“I’m in love with you too, Eddie Kaspbrak,” Mike said, leaning down to kiss Eddie on his lips.