#they really resonated with me so i thought I'd share them here for anyone else who's trying to distance themselves from Meta

[terri-0-terrible]

[thehigherseekerastro]

Random Astrology Observations (Alternative Meanings Love Edition) 2 🤨❤️🤔

DISCLAIMER: I am in no way, shape or form a professional astrologer, modern or traditional.

I HAVE been studying astrology for a while now, and analysing charts available to me, as well as my own, and noticed a lot of the info you find online doesn't make sense in real life, because it is too reductive, stereotypical or lacks broader context. So I thought I'd share some of my personal observations to see if it resonates with anyone.

This is NOT the end all, be all. Apply it as it makes sense to you.

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The 1st House 🙋‍♂️

The 1H in synastry is a tricky one, because the first house itself is related to our individual identity. It is the house of self. So, when it comes to having a love planet here, things can get really murky. You'll often hear that it indicates instant attraction, but also only surface-level. While that is not entirely wrong, it would be a disservice to reduce it to just that. Yes, first house ties back to your physical appearance and external impact. But what does that mean for someone else being impacted and impacting that? Does it even apply in synastry? The answer is: YES. And it goes much deeper than you'd think. It will talk about an immediate recognition. It talks of being mesmerized by someone's look and demeanor, but that comes accompanied with an obsessive need to know more about you, to be around you, to soak up as much of you as possible, as if to aggressively learn you. And that's because you will tickle all the boxes the person had been holding inside (and vice-versa).

(e.g.: having someone's planet(s) fall into your 1st house doesn't just mean they will be attracted to you, if it's romantic. It also means the person feels like you two share a vibe, share interests, ideas. It means they feel like you move according to their speed, and therefore, that could lead to a lot of trust and comfort on their part, because you feel like a safe place. Not in the same sense as the 4H, but in a more "this person will have my back, cause we're the same!" kind of way. It makes the person feel like you are enough, because you fit them. So even if everyone else disagrees with them or doesn't understand them, they'll sort of look over at you, and if you validate them, that will be enough for them. They'd rather have your approval – since you are someone who gets them – than to have the approval of a bunch of people who don't understand where they are coming from.)

It truly is a beautiful thing, but even positive planets with positive aspects can lead to unwanted side-effects. The house person could come to resent the planet person because of how much they like them. Depending on who the house person is – if they have a dominant or prideful personality, for example – they may come to resent and even become angry with the planet person at times, because they'll feel so strongly for the planet person that they could start acting out of character for them, and that can make them feel like they're losing control of themselves. And as human beings, what do we do when we feel out of control? Shift blame and start looking for culprits. This DOES tend to wear off, though, exactly because of how intensely the house person feels for the planet person, but it can burn hot for a minute or two, specially if they end up getting into an ugly fight and the 1H person tries to forget the planet person, but they can't bring themselves to hate them. They'll get angry at the fact that no matter how hard they try to hate the person, they still feel enchanted by them.

(this could also create an unwanted feeling of "nobody else is like them", so the 1H could panic a bit at the thought of losing the planet person because 1H synastry creates the immediate feeling of the "perfect person for me", so imagine thinking you found the perfect person for you... it can make you feel like if you lose them you'll never recover, because no one else will be like them or able to replace them as perfectly)

All in all, though, first house Synastry tends to usually show up good results, depending on the planets and aspects involved. Another aspect of this synastry that doesn't get talked about for some reason is the fact that they tend to obsess over and notice the tiny details in each other. So it creates this effect of falling for them over and over and over again, cause they'll keep finding little things about the other person that they find enchanting, and THAT'S what creates the physical attraction. It's not that the planet or house person are conventionally attractive to everyone – they might not even fit the beauty standards –, but to the house person, those little details will sort of build up the planet person's beauty step by step, and by the time they catch on, they'll be enamored with every part of them, so, to the house person, the planet person truly is the most beautiful thing ever.

(1H house synastry also brings a 1st house energy to the attraction. NO - NOT ARIES. First house. But it will sound like arian qualities because Aries does rule the first house, after all. What this means is that a big part of the attraction for the 1H person is feeling like the planet person is independent, self-sufficient, confident, self-assured and capable. Because it's taping into their 1st house of self, the house person can sort of see the best of themselves reflected on the planet person, which means they feel like all the things they are insecure to show the world, the planet person has and is not afraid to show them. So they feel like planet person not only embodies their attraction ideal, but also the ideal personality they wish they had themselves. Which they do, but they don't realize it until planet person comes along and brings it out of them.)

First house Synastry is a complex kind of Synastry that is much more psychological than it's given credit for. People often focus on superficial physical attraction and gloss over the fact that it's like somebody is literally stepping into your mind and making your inner fantasies come out. It can feel very vulnerable and intense.

The 7th House 💍

Oh, isn't this one a gem?! Perhaps one of the most sought after in synastry. But the idea here is to provide an alternative perspective, so here goes: if it's badly aspected, or there's other challenging factors involved (the person falling into your 7H is problematic themselves), you're gonna run into the issues people often attribute to 1st house synastry, such as superficiality and a "false love" because 7H Synastry, regardless if it's good or bad, creates somebody who's "perfect on paper". They say the right things, they do the right things, they seem to fit into your whole ideals. But that does not guarantee that that's who they truly are. That's just who you think they are. Remember – the 7H is the house of "other". So it's not about you. It's about the other. But it's rather how you act around said other, and also how you perceive them.

(It's tough to say this, but you gotta be real to help some people out there who might have had 7H Synastry and didn't understand why the relationship failed, since everyone online claims it's a guaranteed soulmate. It's because Synastry goes both ways. And all houses have good and bad. There is no such thing as the perfect Synastry. But in the case of the 7H, I'd say it's the real life case of "if it's good, then it will be amazing. Truly a soulmate. But if it's bad... it will be awful. Just not immediately.)

Going off of the previous comment, another grim way this Synastry can turn out is in its binding effect. And I don't mean anything spiritual or abstract here. I mean literally binding. Imagine a relationship going sideways like that AND you are also now married or share a business together. MESS! This is the house of contracts and long-term. Remember Saturn exalts in Libra, because Libra likes things that last, and Saturn is the planet of long-term, so the house of Libra will sprinkle that lasting effect over whatever it touches. And if you're in a 7H relationship, that relationship will last with you, whether good or bad. It will take A WHILE to break off from it, either mentally, emotionally, psychologically, legally or financially.

(e.g. somebody has their moon in your 7H, but it's a moon at fall, in Scorpio, and it's afflicted in their natal chart. Now, at the beginning they will seem like a gift from God directly to you, so much so that you decide to make it official... And then, one or two years in, living together, each day it gets more toxic and draining and the dark sides just oozes out of your relationship. But now you are legally married, and divorcing will take time, bureaucracy, money and emotional energy, not to mention you'll have to uproot your entire life, explain it to your social circles and families... And what seemed like your dream come true was in fact a bitter lesson to learn).

To veer away from the dark twists of the last ones, let's dissect the correlations people make with the 7th house, like "oh, your spouse will be interested in art, and beauty, and music, and sophisticated things!" Why? Are you marrying a Libra? A Libra rising? Somebody with a Libra Venus? No? Then that has nothing to do with 7H Synastry. Houses are not signs, signs are not houses. Libra is one thing, the 7H is another. Venus rules Libra, which resides in the 7H, but Venus doesn't rule the 7H. It merely influences the 7H. It would be a better guess to say you might have met your person while they (or you) were already in a relationship than it is to say you met because of beauty-related things, or art, or music, since the 7H doesn't talk of any of those things, but it DOES talk of committed relationships.

(e.g. you might have met the person right after they (or you) got divorced. They might be connected to an ex of yours. Or another possibility that isn't talked about is how the person you eventually end up with is someone you have liked for a long time, but never got the chance to be with until now. Since this is the house of long-term relationships, having placements here could indicate that the person you ultimately stay with long-term is someone you already knew prior to getting together, but you needed to experience other relationships before you united with them.)

Another final aspect of placements in this house is the fact that it doesn't just deal with your love relationships, but also the way you consciously present yourself with others. How you behave socially. But also the mirror effect of this house, speaking directly about love. This is, after all, the house directly opposing the 1st house of self. In that regard, this is similar to 1H synastry, with the exception that in this one, instead of you coming out of your shell subconsciously, you make a conscious effort to become your best for your person here. You want to live up to all of your potential.

The 2nd House 💆‍♂️

This one is a bit tricky for me, because I'm not materialistic AT ALL. I have a Taurus Lilith in the 2nd house, so, I express it on the other end of the spectrum. When you have that placement, you either put too much value on money and material things, or you are completely unattached from it, and that's me. So the whole "money this, money that!" vibe is not my scene. I don't see a price in life, I see value. With that said, let's get this going.

Yes, this is the house of money and material things. Yes, it will deal with your personal finances. But no, unless other parts of your chart/Synastry agree with it, somebody's placements falling here should not have a lasting effect. It might merely indicate you overspending on dates and gifts. The 2H is the house of YOUR money, which means that the whole "oh, they're gonna shower you in gifts!", "And this is a sugar baby aspect!", "Your person will want to spend all their money on you and buy you expensive things!" is probably not gonna happen, sorry. If it does, it will be you spending your money.

(And if you do spend your money, the whole "gifts" thing is also not that common, because normal people don't just go around buying gifts for others every other day of the week, unless they have some sort of imbalance. Such a consumerist mindset! Not everything is about paying for things or buying things. That's a VERY American culture of dating, specially for women. This nasty idea that a man has to buy you or he's not good. Which is what encourages habits like thinking the man always has to be covering your finances (how old are you, 5? Get a job and pay for your own damn self! You are an adult woman), paying for your food, buying you a house, giving you gifts all the time and affording expensive dates. You are not a product. If your biggest incentive to be with a man is because of how much he pays for you, then that's the world's oldest profession, not a relationship of love. So this should play out more like them helping you manage your own finances. Don't go around thinking a 2H love placement is gonna turn you into Cinderella.)

If you do happen to be a stay-at-home person in your relationship, which is valid, as long as it's not all about money, 2H love placements and synastry will talk more about other material aspects of things. It will talk of stability, sustainability, longevity and security.

(e.g.: it could mean that you allocate your resources towards creating a safe, stable environment for your life together to flourish, such as buying things for your home together, revising your finances to make life goals and plans together more viable, setting budgets to achieve milestones together... as well as the literal physical aspects of valuables, so using your resources towards nourishment (food, shelter, clothing and health). Things that will ensure your relationship lasts and endures through hardships and tribulations. In the 2H of values, Synastry could indicate the relationship itself becoming your prized possession that you take care of. All the Earth houses are about caring for things, just in different ways.)

Another poorly explored aspect of the 2H is values in the moral, spiritual and emotional sense. It's WORTH. Both the causes you find worthy as well as your self-worth. A 2H love placement or Synastry can and will directly affect that. Even if you do happen to be dealing with financial/material things too, that can affect your self-worth directly.

(e.g.: say you are married to someone who is constantly in debt, or say your spouse is the breadwinner of the household and you depend on them financially. That can really take a toll on your self-worth. It can bring feelings of poor self-esteem, can you make you feel undervalued, inadequate, make you feel like a burden, or make you feel incapable of caring for yourself. It can strike your self-confidence and make you VALUE yourself less. Or the opposite. Your spouse may open you up to new possibilities of making money, which in turn gets you into a new passion project that you succeed in and that can make you feel like a worthy person, make you believe in yourself, make you feel important and valuable.)

I would argue that most often, it's the 8H Synastry that will really have your partner's materials affecting you, because the 2H is the house of your PERSONAL gains, while the 8H is the house of OTHERS' gains and possessions. Most often, the biggest impact I'd say 2H love placements have will be dealing with self-worth, self-confidence, shared values and morals, feelings of belonging and acceptance.

General Things ✨

What I see most often is that positive and negative outcomes tend to happen simultaneously. It's not all doom and gloom, but it's also not all sunshine and rainbows all the time. Sometimes it's great, sometimes it's not so great, and those ups and downs come and go. That's just life. Both are there to be worked with, worked for, or worked through. At the end of the day, astrology will not mandate your life events, and you have to always be learning from your life, and working on yourself and the things that matter to you. Astrology is just a guiding light to identify possible themes to be mindful of.

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That's it! Thank you if you've read it this far! I might have come off a bit harsh (I hope I haven't), but I promise I'm nice lol.

My whole goal is to try to discuss astrology in as realistically as possible, but while making it clear that any possible outcome is plausible. If most times all you hear are fantastic stereotypical descriptions of placements, such as 7H, the not so great ways in which it can play out will be explored here to help people navigate them. If all you hear are bad things about a house, then I'll try to show the positive ways in which it can come out.

The whole point is to try to bring a wide range of notions to these descriptions, together with the information that is already out there and available by many other creators.

At the end of the day, remember this is all POSSIBILITIES. Your personal life has to be analysed to know what's gonna ensue. And don't be discouraged, because the truth is that positive and negative effects tend to happen together for your best.

Hope you have a good day when you find this!

MASTERLIST

[slytherinlives]

My Year in Fic 2024

Thank you to @mirdeli for the tag! (love you and your writing <3)

First of all, I can't believe how much I've actually written this year until I sat down and took it all in. When I first started actively writing for the legacy fandom, it was a very different experience. I wrote my first fic as a fun continuation of the main story. I thought about where these characters might go and how their relationships would change in the wake of their choices. Then I hated it, deleted all 30 chapters from the internet and then re-wrote it. Then I started a second story with a new mc and new dynamics, that at the time I was really proud of. But then as I'm sure you all know, there was this person that went around accusing the adults who wrote with more mature themes and aged up characters of being foul things. Including but not limited to leaving cruel comments on art or fics that had anything above a T rating. It got so bad that it discouraged me from writing with mc content completely, which really broke my heart because I loved what I was creating with it.

But even after all of that, I couldn't stop creating stories. A big thing that resonates with me as a person as well as a writer is wanting to tell stories with characters that people already know and love but introduce themes that feel authentic to a human experience. Such as things like sexuality, anger, tense family dynamics etc.

And with that in mind, I started testing the waters with a silly little au for one of my favorite disney films Sleeping Beauty. Only this time featuring a love story without "mc". Then I did another silly au that was centered around one of my favorite superheros, Spiderman. (Both remain unfinished, but I plan to focus back on those this year)

In doing so, I found this corner of the fandom where everyone had been nothing but accepting and encouraging each other with their art and I finally started to feel more comfortable in posting my works again.

So, before I make this entirely too long, let's get into it:

My fics written in 2024: (I've published nearly 30, but I'm only going to share completed fics and the one's I'm proud of.)

Growing Pains Ominis/Sebastian 26k -single father/self discovery-

Tell Myself I Wouldn't Feel Things Ominis/Sebastian 32.3k -enemies to lovers/fake dating-

Open Yourself Up to Me and Surrender Ominis/Sebastian 2.7k -age insecurity/body worship-

I Hold You Close (In progress) Ominis/Sebastian 27.1k -friends with benefits-

Pepper Me Up Ominis/Sebastian 7.8k -sick fic/crack-

The Greatest 'What If' Sebastian/Garreth 7.8k -friends with benefits/prequel spin off of I Hold You Close-

Side Effects (On Hold) Sebastian/Fem!MC 56.3k -Reuniting/Mutual Pining/Friends to Lovers-

Across The Stars Sebastian/Fem!MC 1.6k -one shot collection with the same characters from Side Effects-

I know I'm mostly known for writing Sebinis/Weaslow now, and I love that because the friends I've made and the fun I've had over here I would never trade for anything. But I do hope one day I'll feel the drive again to finish Side Effects. (maybe even my first ever mc fic that's still up but that one more complex) I do love those characters so much and I miss them. Maybe one day.

With that said, I can't wait to share more stories (after completing some active ones first.) Maybe I'll even feel more confident to start posting my backlog for other fandoms.

Anyway, I'd love to see that everyone else has been up to this year! So I'll pass this along to @shyamanuensis , @pr0serpinas, @sunsetplums, and anyone else who wants to participate, consider yourself tagged!

See you all in 2025! <3

[omnium-gatherums]

I'm really sorry this got really long.

hi, uh I don't know if this will feel like crossing a boundary in any way, I hope it doesn't, I'm super super sorry if it does.

uh what you describe of your experience often sounds like really mine and so I though you might relate to some of the things I do I guess? if not that's all good completely I just thought this might be?? Interesting??? to you if nothing else. there's this old site, 'the wonderful world of the mid-continuum', there is some cool stuff on there but particularly there are a series of pieces of writing about the experiences of a bunch of different systems. while some of them I don't relate to at all (and some theories and opinions that seem wrong to me) there are some that hit really close to home for me, and maybe there are some that do the same for you.

I wanted to send this because in a post you said "I feel more like "Multiple Me's." I wish I had the words to explain it/describe it." so I thought that maybe something here could help somehow because you said a bit that reminded me of some of these pieces.

I do want to clarify that I'm not at all trying to say that you are 'mid-continuum' (as that is what all of these systems are trying to write about) (or anything else for that matter) or should do what any of them or myself do or think, I just found that sometimes a line or two in them felt incredibly relatable to myself and gave me some stuff to think about in our internal workings, so on the off chance that you relate to anything I should send it.

here's the link should you find yourself interested (also tw for the occasional mention of abuse and C S A (I haven't read some in a while but I don't think any go too in depth)): https://web.archive.org/web/20020802173200/http://www.asarian.org/~vickis/continuum.html#share

I love stuff like this, niche little websites and communities about DID/OSDD and whatnot! You're not breaking any boundaries, no worries. Definitely going to check it out and might liveblog any feelings I have if I find anything that really resonates :3 Also if anyone else has any other niche lil stuff like this, I'd totally be interested.

[ratcatcher0325]

Hello!

So, if you don’t mind me asking, how did you got to the g/t community? And how/why did you want to begin writing for it? Like, what’s that thing in g/t that you just love.

Hi Anon!

Thanks so much for reaching out! I'm more than happy to answer these! See my answers below!

How did I get into the community? Well, honestly, I've been fascinated by g/t ever since I can remember. I think the first time I ever read something g/t related where I thought... wait a minute, there's someone out there writing about this? I'm not the only person on the planet that finds this interesting? Was when we read The Indian in the Cupboard book in like... I dunno, Second Grade? I really didn't know anything at all about the whole online g/t community until much, much later. and I've only left my lurk corner and started participating in the last six months or so.

How/why did I begin writing for it? I've been writing g/t stuff for myself since I was a kid, probably eleven or twelve or so. For many many years I was WAAAAAYYYYY too self-conscious to EVER share anything I wrote, let alone post it online for people I didn't know! However, it's really been in the last eight months or so, I decided.... Screw it! I want to post the types of stories I wanted to read as a kid. When I was still coming to grips with my interest in g/t tropes and feeling like a weirdo. I made a promise to myself that I'd start posting my stuff so that maybe someone out there will find my work and think "Hey, I'm not alone in this." I don't want anyone else to feel as isolated and ashamed as I did growing up. And of course, it's a huge compliment when people take the time to let me know something I wrote and shared from my heart resonated with them!

The thing I love in g/t? We could be here all day... BUT, I'll pick one thing.... I think the biggest thing that I like about it is the kind of significant trust that goes along with that kind of deeply unbalanced relationship (platonic or otherwise). I really enjoy the building up of trust from utter terror and confusion (because, hey, bad things could happen) to complete and unfailing trust in someone so much bigger. And on the flip side, there's so much joy in watching someone grow in confidence to develop trust when they are so incredibly vulnerable. I love hurt/comfort and the earning of trust between two characters SO much! But I'm sure you could guess that from my writing!

Thank you so much for taking the time to ask these thoughtful questions! It really made my day! 😊

Find a link to my writing masterpost HERE.

[kitchensunflowers]

Disability Resonance & Crip Time in "Saturdays" by Louis Tomlinson

A reading of "Saturdays" that highlights parallels with certain disability theory concepts that I was thinking about while listening. (Specifically, parallels between its lyrics and the essay, "Six Ways of Looking at Crip Time", by Ellen Samuels.)

Basically, I was listening to Saturdays the other day and was suddenly overwhelmed (as in... I cried) by the way the lyrics mapped on to different experiences I've had as a chronically ill/disabled person. In particular, I've recently been struggling with increases in certain symptoms and internalised ableism, and the song really spoke to these feelings.

One of my favourite disability theory essays is Ellen Samuels' "Six Ways of Looking at Crip Time", linked here and first published in Vol. 37 No. 3 (2017) of Disability Studies Quarterly (available to read in full on dsq-sds.org, the journal's website).

Samuels both articulates different aspects of the experiences + feelings I was thinking about and describes the concept of 'crip time' better than I could, so I thought I'd share those parallels here, for my own interest and in case any one else might be interested, too. (And for anyone interested, I really recommend reading Samuels' full essay!)

Disclaimer: In pointing out these parallels, I am not claiming that this is therefore a song written to be read as being about disability. That is not my intention here - I am just making note of the resonances I personally felt while listening.

Anyway tldr, here are the parallels I was thinking about - Louis' lyrics italicised and excerpts from Samuels' essay indented:

Saturdays by Louis Tomlinson

Six Ways of Looking at Crip Time by Ellen Samuels

*

I'm not supposed to be Feelin' dirty cheap on Silver Street At quarter to three

"Crip time is time travel. Disability and illness have the power to extract us from linear, progressive time with its normative life stages and cast us into a wormhole of backward and forward acceleration, jerky stops and starts, tedious intervals and abrupt endings. Some of us contend with the impairments of old age while still young; some of us are treated like children no matter how old we get." (Samuels 2017)

Hidden across my face In the crowd, I'm countin' up the days In a haze

"The medical language of illness tries to reimpose the linear, speaking in terms of the chronic, the progressive, and the terminal, of relapses and stages. But we who occupy the bodies of crip time know that we are never linear, and we rage silently—or not so silently—at the calm straightforwardness of those who live in the sheltered space of normative time." (Samuels 2017)

I'm gazin' at the floor Somebody's got your trainers on The ones that you wore When you walked out the door

"Crip time is grief time. It is a time of loss," (Samuels 2017)

I've been wonderin' about what you're up to Not for the first time Not for the last time

"With each new symptom, each new impairment, I grieve again for the lost time, the lost years that are now not yet to come. This is not to say that I wish for a cure—not exactly. "I wish to be both myself and not-myself, a state of paradoxical longing that I think every person with chronic pain occupies at some point or another. I wish for time to split and allow two paths for my life and that I could move back and forth between them at will." (Samuels 2017)

And I've been thinking 'bout the things we used to do Not for the first time And not for the last time

Ibid. (Samuels 2017)

We always used to say "Saturdays take the pain away" Nobody stays the same

"I was practicing tai chi every day, learning how to move slowly and gracefully through the world, as part of a group all making the same movements, synchronized, flowing. I felt more at home in my body, with other people's bodies, than I ever had. Then it all came apart." (Samuels 2017)

No matter how much you want it Some things change

"It happened in a flash, and it also lasted forever. It took me six long months in physical therapy to get back to where I could walk more than a few steps, and I was never again able to walk as far as I had before. Tai chi, which I loved deeply and which was supposed to fix me, broke me instead." (Samuels 2017)

Some things change

Through my cigarette A shadow of you sticks me to the carpet Try to ignore it

"The bodymind refuses to let go of the lost object [...] I have found much harder to let go [of] the memory of my healthier self. [...] "For crip time is broken time. It requires us to break in our bodies and minds to new rhythms, new patterns of thinking and feeling and moving through the world. It forces us to take breaks, even when we don't want to, even when we want to keep going, to move ahead. It insists that we listen to our bodyminds so closely, so attentively, in a culture that tells us to divide the two and push the body away from us while also pushing it beyond its limits." (Samuels 2017)

Somethin' about the way The light catches the mirror in my brain It gives me shade

"[...] other times, when we talk about crip time, we mean something more beautiful and forgiving. [...] My friend Alison Kafer says that "rather than bend disabled bodies and minds to meet the clock, crip time bends the clock to meet disabled bodies and minds."" (Samuels 2017)

I'm starin' at the door Somebody's got your trainers on The ones that you wore But you're not here anymore

"And so, I moved backward instead of forward, not into a state of health, but further into the world of disability, the world I was now coming to understand as my own. I moved from being someone who kept getting sick, over and over, to someone who was sick, all the time, whose inner clock was attuned to my own physical state rather than the external routines of a society ordered around bodies that were not like mine." (Samuels 2017)

[...]

My heart might be broken But I won't be broken down My heart might be broken But I won't be broken down

"This sounds very much like the notion of crip time that Alison and Margaret were talking about. [...] disability scholars like Alison, Margaret, and I tend to celebrate this idea of crip time, to relish its non-linear flexibility, to explore its power and its possibility. "What would it mean for us also to do what queer scholar Heather Love calls "feeling backward"? For us to hold on to that celebration, that new way of being, and yet also allow ourselves to feel the pain of crip time, its melancholy, its brokenness?" (Samuels 2017)

We always used to say "Saturdays take the pain away" Nobody stays the same No matter how much you want it How much you want it We always used to say "Saturdays take the pain away" Nobody stays the same No matter how much you want it Some things change

[verobatto]

The Answer is in Dean

Time to run on the Empty

Destiel meta. 15x19 meta. Meta spec.

How are you my friends??

Some of you might be very mad, but I can tell, don't lose hopes because CAS WILL BE RESCUED BY DEAN IN NEXT EPISODE.

So now relax, and read my rants, you'll feel better after this. I promise.

Mourning!Dean

Dean's voice shaking while explaining how Cas saved him, and then saying 'I'm sorry' to Jack, was one of the most saddest scenes I've seen. Because I know how Dean was feeling, he was feeling he failed to the kid by losing Castiel, and because they lost him for saving him.

Gif credit @dreamnovak

We already know this fellow each time he lose Cas. But this time, it hurst even more.

The Guilt, again, this time mixed with the huge pain and regrets in his soul.

There was a fallen Bicycle in the ground, color blue, as a representation of indirect Castiel.

As we saw, Dean was thinking about Castiel the whole time. When they gave up to Chuck, the first thing he asked for was to bring Cas back. Is like going into that whirlwind of loosing the love of his life all over again.

But Chuck won't let him, why? Because he wanted to watch them suffer, feeling the despair and loneliness and sadness for the eternity, and i will explain in the next meta how this represents Chuck himself.

Another hard scene was watching Dean on the floor, passed out because of alcohol. The only way our poor boy can conciliate sleeping, was through alcohol. And he wasn't even in his room. He was somewhere in the bunker, depressed and passed out.

Castiel, the Miracle

As I pointed so many times, Cas is a miracle. Dean said it when he made Donnie coming back to life in the hospital in season 14 and then a woman called him that when he healed his son in the woods in 15x06.

In season 12 Castiel was called roughly as the Winchester's dog, but Dean reworded that in season 13, when Scooby Doo was a cute mirror of Cas for Dean. He adores that dog.

So, Dean decides to call that dog MIRACLE, because it represented HOPES, just what Cas means to him. He even said to this dog: MAYBE YOU CAN SLEEP IN HIS ROOM. Which was like a consolation. Dean is so sad....

But the dog disappears and then, thanks to Jack, comes back. Miracle comes back. Is a foreshadow of Castiel coming back.

Lucifer Call was the last mocking to Destiel

The fake call from Castiel, was a mocking game from Lucifer, again, the devil making jokes about Destiel, but mostly, about Dean mourning Castiel.

Dean's face when he thought it was really Cas the one calling him, broke me. He was this slightly moment of hopes in his face, i wanted to die. Damn...

The answer is in Dean

Okay, i know everyone was screaming because Jack didn't bring Cas back, BUT BUT. What Jack said, it has a lot of Destiel sense, because it will complete Dean's arc.

If Jack would brought Cas back with one snap, would be easy, and Dean wouldn't be able to say the words he has to say to him.

But, taking what Jack said THE ANSWERS ARE IN EACH ONE. IS JUST PERFECT.

Why? Because if Dean wants his angel back, he will have to find the answer inside of him. Which answer do you say? The I LOVE YOU BACK answer to Castiel. Using his words to express the amount of years loving him in silence, or secretly, or repressing it, because he just thought he couldn't have him as a lover.

Is perfectly poetic and philosophical, and it will close the Healing!Dean's arc.

Because when Dean faced Chuck and said HE WASN'T WHAT CHUCK WROTE, which means HE IS KOT A KILLER, is because Castiel's words are still resonating in his head. Because CASTIEL CHANGED HIM, FOREVER.

Keep you love alive

Now, pay attention to this... Because this is the song that was playing at the end of the episode...

Looking out at the road rushing under my wheels

Looking back at the years gone by like so many summer fields

In sixty-five I was seventeen and running up one-oh-one

I don't know where I'm running now, I'm just running on

Despite of the smiles on their faces, this lyrics here is very angsty, 'I'm just running.' Dean is just running without knowing where to go.

Running on, running on empty

Running on, running blind

Running on, running into the sun

But I'm running behind

Okay people, if this is not talking about Dean getting inside the Empty to rescue Castiel, idk what else. It says RUNNING ON EMPTY. The Empty!!!! RUNNING BLIND because is dark, and he can't see Cas. RUNNING INTO THE SUN!!!!! @weird-dorky-little-deana CASTIEL IS THE SUN!!!! BUT I'M RUNNING BEHIND, it speaks about how hard will be fine him, maybe. I'm screaming.

Gotta do what you can just to keep your love alive

Trying not to confuse it with what you do to survive

In sixty-nine I was twenty-one and I called the road my own

I don't know when that road turned, into the road I'm on

To keep your love alive!!!!!!!!! OMG, i can't. To keep Cas, his love, alive!

Everyone I know, everywhere I go

People need some reason to believe

I don't know about anyone but me

If it takes all night, that'll be all right

If I can get you to smile before I leave

Dean feels it doesn't matter how long it would take him to bring Cas back, but he will!

Honey you really tempt me

You know the way you look so kind

OMG this is Castiel's love confession, Dean is tempted by him hdjxdjfkfkfj. Sorry.

I'd love to stick around but I'm running behind

You know I don't even know what I'm hoping to find

Running into the sun but I'm running behind

People, have faith, Cas is coming back because this hunter won't let him go so easily.

The answer is inside of Dean, he has those words to say to Cas, he has to say I Love You to him. And that's the very ending of this show. The perfect closing arc for Dean. If Cas saved him once from Hell, is time for him to save him from the Empty. So, to bring him back, Dean will have to say tht answer that was inside of him this whole time.

Miscellaneous spec: i heard Jack saying: Amara was inside of him and they were in harmony, and I'm sorry, but i took that as another clue for my vessel sharing Destiel endgame spec. Just saying.

To Conclude

Why do I stick to Destiel happy ending? Because if this was the ending of season 15 as Jensen said, the ending for the whole show is waiting for us. I hope we will be able to see our angel again, for sure, and not just him, but more of our lovely characters. Even Eileen.

There was a lot of clues in this episode that foreshadowed Castiel's return. So wait for it.

Tagging @gneisscastiel @emblue-sparks @magnificent-winged-beast @weird-dorky-little-deana @michyribeiro @maleansu @legendary-destiel @a-bit-of-influence @thatwitchydestielfan @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover @lykanyouko @evvvissticante @savannadarkbaby @dea-stiel @mybonsai1976 @anarchiana @angelwithashotgunandtrenchcoat @trashblackrainbow @mishtho @dancingtuesdaymorning @feathered-castiel @bre95611 @zoerayne2426 @justmeand-myinsight @that-one-fandom-chick @proccastinate @studio-hatter @pepevons @poorreputation @mrsaquaman187 @dizzypinwheel @jawnlockwinchester @dwstiel @ladygon @shippsblog @la-random-fangirl @lets-try-this-again-please @mychemicalobsession514 @destiel-shipper-11

@asphodelesauvage @2musiclover2

Buenos Aires, November 12 2020, 11:57 PM

[hotshotsxyz]

2021 fic year in review 🌟

tagged by @zainclaw, thanks!! I high key can't wait to look at my stats, I haven't written as much as I did this year, maybe ever? so this will be fun for me lol!

Total Number Of Completed Works: 26 (!!! this is insane. nothing super long, but the fact that I've written and posted this much is just... unbelievable to me)

Total Word Count: 35k+

Fandoms I’ve Written In: All 911 baybeee

Looking Back, Did You Write More Fic Than You Thought You Would This Year, Less, Or About What You’d Expected?

So much more holy shit. I started watching 911 in February and my brain just absolutely latched onto it. Like I said before, I've never written this consistently in my life. It's been really fun to get back into the creative process, especially given, you know, the world rn

What’s Your Own Favorite Story Of The Year?

Oh man, this is tough. I think it would maybe have to be between like it means something and (wheeze). I love buzzfeed unsolved, so writing that as an AU was super fun. that said, I'm really proud of the character work in like it means something and really happy with the reception it had too. it's also one of the first fics I ever started, stopped and then actually finished, which gave me a lot more confidence to write longer fics and commit to things like 911christmasweek

Did You Take Any Writing Risks This Year?

I resolved a long time ago never to post unfinished WIPs, because I'm liable not to finish them. It was with that in mind that I posted the first part of balancing on breaking branches, which was intended to be a one shot. a ton of people asked for more, though, so I ended up writing and sharing three additional parts, all without a final product in mind. It worked out, and I'm really glad I did it!

Do You Have Any Fanfic Or Profic Goals For The New Year?

Nah, just to keep doing what I'm doing!

Most Popular Story Of The Year?

it's got to be HIPAA versus the Heart, outsider POV my beloved. that one was a ton of fun to write, so I'm glad people liked it!

Story Of Mine Most Under-Appreciated By The Universe, In My Opinion:

honestly, I feel so incredibly lucky to have gotten the reception I have in this fandom. I feel like everything I post gets 10x the interaction I expect, and I'm so very grateful for it. if I absolutely had to give an answer, though, I'd say toothpaste, which is stupid and fluffy and extremely short but I love it

Most Fun Story To Write:

(wheeze), definitely. I'm actually considering a sequel, just because I had so much fun writing that one. the ghost files announcement gave me some inspiration 👀

Most Unintentionally Telling Story:

mmmmm, probably not then, not now. honestly I didn't like that one when I posted it, mostly because I felt like I was projecting way too many of my own insecurities on buck. I still don't love it, but it seemed to resonate with a few people, so I'm glad it exists

Biggest Disappointment:

There's a 10k fic sitting in my wips, most of which I wrote before 4x08. if you know my work you know that's wayyyy longer than the vast majority of what I post, so I'd love to share it. it really just doesn't work with where the characters are now anymore, though, so if I am ever going to share it, it's going to need significant rewrites

Biggest Surprise:

like honestly the fact that I've been writing at all, and even more than that, the fact that people like it. also, I thought it was very funny when someone brought first kisses back around like 4 months after I posted it

My Favorite Part Of Fandom This Year:

Just being here and meeting so many amazing people! I've never really made fandom friends prior to 911, so feeling so involved in this community has been amazing. To all of my mutuals, please know that I love you

Tagging: @onelonelytortillachip @evanbucxley @hattalove @mistletoemay @elvensorceress @oatflatwhite @queerpanikkar and anyone else who wants to do it!

[rawresparza]

i love your writing! if you're taking prompts or whenever you are and you see this, anything about rafael and liv's relationship i'd be super down for. i feel like a lot of fic doesn't appreciate the really special friendship they have. bonus points if its about liv teasing raf about sonny.

Slowwwwly but surely making my way through the ever aging prompts in my inbox! I hope this is okay, anon, I really do enjoy exploring the friendship between Liv and Rafael so I quite liked writing this. I hope it comes across well enough!

–

Rushing to the hospital is never on anyone’s list of preferred things to do but as Liv bursts through the doors of Mercy General, she feels particularly sick about it.

The call had come only twenty minutes ago and she’d made it here in record time. If anyone asks, she most definitely had not used her siren and now that she remembers she’s clutching her keys tightly enough that they’re digging into her palm, she’s not sure whether she’d even bothered to lock the doors. It doesn’t matter, she decides, not in the slightest.

Liv flashes her badge at the receptionist, nodding toward the doors that lead to the emergency room. “For Rafael Barba? I got a call.”

The receptionist–Sandy, her nametag reads–flashes a friendly smile but not before Liv catches a hint of a grimace. “Yes, of course, I was told you’d be coming. Multiple times. Right through there, he’s in Room Four.”

Liv thanks her but wastes no time making her way through the doors. Room Four, she thinks, dodging a swarm of doctors and nurses pushing a gurney in the hallway, that can’t be too bad. It means he hadn’t need to be rushed to surgery, right? Still, she’d heard the panic and fear over the phone, the words broke his back had resonated so deeply within her that she’d been shaking by the time she’d hung up and all the way here, Liv hadn’t been able to keep herself from going over the worst case scenarios.

She approaches Room Four taking a deep breath then raps on the door, pausing to allow herself just a second to maintain some sense of composure before pushing the door open. What she sees is not what she expects.

“Back off, I’m serious!”

Rafael is sitting up in a bed, his hospital gown tied loosely around his neck, and batting at Carisi’s hovering hands.

“I’m trying to help, damn it! You heard what the doctor said, you need to take it easy.”

“That doesn’t mean I can’t drink my own water, Sonny, for Christ’s sake.”

Liv arches a brow, letting the door shut behind her and clearing her throat. It gets their attention, both Carisi and Rafael fall silent as their heads snap up to look over at her. The corners of her mouth twitch as she holds back a smirk, even as the tension from the nerves that have been overwhelming her starts to drain from her shoulders. She sees now that Sonny is holding a small plastic water jug with a straw and the whole scene begins to make sense to her now.

“I see I broke several traffic laws to get here for nothing,” she teases, looking pointedly at a sheepish Carisi.  “How is he?”

“I’m fine,” Rafael grumbles, “you didn’t need to come.”

“He has a compression fracture in his spine,” Carisi says, shooting Rafael a stern look before returning his gaze to Liv. “So I wasn’t entirely off base when I said broken back.”

“A little misleading,” Liv tells him, but he only shrugs.

“Fracture’s a fracture. He’s got some scrapes, his hip’s pretty bruised. He says he didn’t hit his head and the doctor didn’t find any abrasions there so at least there’s that.”

“He’s right here,” Rafael chimes in, aggressively waving a hand before letting his head fall back against his pillow with a wince. He lets his eyes fall shut, a heavy, tired sigh escaping him. “Seriously, Liv, it’s not a big deal.”

“It is a big deal,” Carisi argues, setting the water jug down. He takes Rafael’s hand, prompting Rafael to glance up at him with a softened expression. “I had to watch the love of my life get railed by a car. I watched you roll up on the hood and fall back down on the street like a rag doll. It’s a big deal, Rafael. “

Rafael seems to forget there’s anyone else in the room, bringing Carisi’s hand to his lips so he can press a kiss against his knuckles. “Okay, it was a big deal, you win. But I’ll be okay, I promise.” He offers a small but reassuring smile then looks Liv’s way again. “Hey, Sonny, why don’t you go grab Liv a cup of coffee? Get one for yourself, too. And me.”

“Nice try,” Carisi says flatly, freeing his hand and smoothing down Rafael’s messy hair. “Coffee does sound good, though. Lieu, can you make sure he doesn’t try to get out of bed or anything? He’s tried twice already, he’s an animal.”

“I’ll do my best,” Liv promises, watching with amusement as Carisi gives Rafael one final, lingering look then turns to leave. The door falls shut again and the room is left silent for a moment as Liv and Rafael avoid looking at each other.

She knows now that it isn’t too bad, she knows Rafael will be okay, she knows it could have been a lot worse; but that doesn’t make it any easier to see her friend like this, paler than usual and far more vulnerable than he’s ever been in front of her.

“So,” Liv starts, taking a couple steps closer to the bed. “Love of his life. That’s pretty heavy.”

Rafael hums, playing with a frayed thread on the edge of his blanket. “Well, I’d better be his. He’s mine.”

Right.

Liv doesn’t spend much time thinking about it but she does see it, the way Rafael looks at Carisi, the way they look at each other when they think nobody else is watching. They’re not overt in their public displays of affection, just a gentle touch here or a guiding hand there, but Carisi is allowed to handle Rafael in a way nobody else is.

She studies him while she has the chance, while he’s not fixing her with that gaze that always seems so intense no matter what they’re talking about, and she takes the final few steps to get to him, resting a hand on on his leg. Her touch prompts him to look up, his eyes wet and his lips starting to tremble, just slightly but she notices.

“He worries too much,” Rafael says but the words come out hoarse and neither of them is convinced for a second he minds it all that much.

“He loves you,” Liv states simply, “and you’re hurting. More than you’re letting on, I’m guessing. How bad is it?”

“Worse than when my dad broke my arm but at least it was less traumatic.”

He says it so casually that Liv struggles to find a reply but before she can say anything, Rafael groans, his brow creasing as he shifts stiffly, trying to find a more comfortable position.  Liv only squeezes his ankle through the sheets, helpless, useless, all she can do is make sure he remembers he’s not alone.

“They gave me what amounted to extra strength Tylenol, can you believe the audacity?”

Liv chuckles at that. “Maybe Carisi can strong-arm them into giving you something stronger to take home. Did they admit you?”

“No, just observation after the CT came back showing the fracture. And I think he’s secretly enjoying playing the knight in shining armor.”

“Indulge him,” Liv says, moving to take a seat in the chair beside the bed. She inches to the edge of the chair so she can loosely grasp Rafael’s hand, hoping the gesture will be as comforting for him as it is for her. He’s still here, he’s still breathing, that’s what matters. “Let him play nurse for the rest of the week. If he comes back to work pissy because you won’t let him fluff your pillows, we’re going to have words.”

“Oh, he’s not missing work. No way. I don’t even know if I’ll be missing work.”

The stubbornness is still intact, too. Good god. “You have a fracture in your spine,” Liv says, slowly, emphasizing every word just in case Rafael had missed that part.

“I’m actually aware of that, thank you. I’ve already been warned against too much bed rest.”

“That doesn’t mean you should be spending your time walking up and down the stairs of the courthouse the day after you’re hit by a car, Rafael, that’s unreasonable.”

“Did Sonny give you a script to read from before you came in here?”

“I don’t know how he stands you,” Liv says, rolling her eyes, though it’s mostly good-natured. There also exists a part of her that wants to give him a good smack for already intending to be so counterproductive to the healing process. “Anyway, I don’t know why I’m wasting my breath, Carisi will get you to stay home.”

Rafael squints, lifting his chin like he’s been challenged. “That so?”

“Mmhmm.” Liv smiles sweetly, too sweetly, it makes Rafael scoff. “You might give him hell for it but he can take it. He’s immune to all forms of your hostility at this point, you spent too much time pulling his pigtails before you admitted your feelings for him for Carisi to back down.”

“Suddenly you’re an expert on our relationship.”

“Just telling it how I see it,” Liv says, holding her free hand up in mock surrender. “It’s a good thing. I’m happy for you because I can see he makes you happy.”

They don’t talk about it much because while they are friends and have learned to read each other better than most, it’s still a little too close for comfort. Liv doesn’t have any deep desire to hear the more intimate details of one of her detectives’ love life and frankly, she doesn’t think Rafael is especially eager to share them. It’s worked for them so far, they can still share personal parts of their lives without risking Liv not being able to look Carisi in the eye.

In spite of that, it still feels important to say it now. She understands how hard it can be to find someone so accepting, so warm, so willing to love, and Carisi is all those things. If she’s completely honest, she sometimes finds herself with distant pangs of envy when she watches them, whether it be how harmoniously they seem to sync up over a case or how tenderly Carisi drapes an arm over Rafael’s shoulder on their way out of the precinct.

They’re in love, and they’re her family. They give her hope.

“Liv?” Rafael’s voice stirs her from her thoughts and she finds him studying her curiously, though there’s concern laced throughout his expression. “Are you okay?”

“You don’t get to ask me that,” she says, earning a dismissive flick of a wrist. “Just let him take care of you. Save me the grief of being on the receiving end of a string of complaints.”

“I’ll try,” Rafael concedes. “No promises.” A beat passes. “Liv?”

“Hmm?”

He opens his mouth to speak then closes it again, swallowing hard like he’s not ready to say what he wants to say. “I’m glad he called you,” he finally tells her, his voice low and sincere. “I’m glad you came.”

Liv beams at him, glancing at the door when Carisi walks back in balancing two coffee cups in one hand, then looking back at Rafael and tightening her hold on his hand. “So am I, Rafael. So am I.”

[spaci1701]

35 years ago I was diagnosed as 'clinically hyperactive', along with my older brother. That got us a scrip for Ritalin and the advice that we just needed to try harder than most to focus on things. That was it.

30 years ago I had my Ritalin taken away just as I entered high school because 1- girls don't actually get adhd, 2- I could get lost in a book so I could obviously focus when I wanted to, 3- I could focus when forced to (all my complaints, tears, etc were just melodramatics because I was actually lazy), and 4- adhd wasn't really a serious thing like they thought, just an easy shortcut for kids and parents who couldn't be bothered to try. Therefore, with no evidence whatsoever, my meds couldn't actually be helping me so I was either already selling them or would when I got to high school. (In hindsight my brother may have been selling his meds. It never even occurred to me because I needed them desperately.)

The next 20 years was a constant fight to accomplish anything, to remember anything, to sit still, to sit normally, to behave normally and to get anyone to give me the slightest accommodation for the fact that I was trying so much harder than everyone else to achieve the same thing. Or to even acknowledge that I was dealing with a real issue, not a made up excuse.

I honestly don't know when the actual research into adhd really started to take off because, by the time I was actually online the idea of looking for help or advice about adhd was such a foreign concept. I'd looked and asked and bloody begged for help for so many years with silence and derision as my answers that I just didn't bother trying anymore. I had the coping methods that kinda worked and I just kept trying to manage. At least I knew that there was a reason I was so messed up, that had to be enough help, right?

It wasn't until fairly recently here in tumblr that I actually started to see people actually talking about it. Sharing tips and strategies for coping. Sharing symptoms that I'd never thought were related to adhd but were things I'd always struggled with. Sharing research that was really, truly being done by people who BELIEVE in adhd and acknowledging the giant fucking struggle that I'd lived through my entire life!

So yeah. There's a lot of conflicting info out there and some things that aren't entirely accurate may be getting glommed onto by the community because it makes sense to us (which maybe suggests that there's something there to research) and we don't have all the answers yet. Of course we don't. We've been screaming for them for decades but it's only been in the last few years that the void has started to pay attention.

So maybe people can quit calling us out for getting excited about not perfect info. Can quit saying 'well actually, sweetie, RSD isn't a real thing, what you mean is this other thing from another disorder that's actually not that bad and not really yours anyways'. Can quit yelling at the group with a documented difficulty in research to just learn about the research before they speak.

Because we've tried. And we've found article after article that told us that we just needed to try harder. That if we failed it was our fault. That the meds that helped us weren't really helping us, we were just legitimizing bad college fads. And that the best thing we could do is to shut up, sit still and quit being so fucking annoying just by existing.

I admit, I still don't do any research into my own condition other than paying close attention to what goes around here on tumblr. I give more weight to what Joy says than most because I know she's been dealing with someone who actually specializes in adhd but that's about the limit of my due diligence.

Because I'm tired. I've been fighting this battle for over 40 years. So I'll read what other people have to say about their experiences and I'll reblog posts with some info that resonates with me and I'll reblog posts that say that the other posts weren't quite accurate. And I'll learn and feel seen for the first time ever.

And I'll shut down any of our community who try to claim that no one else can use or benefit from our stories and I'll shut down anyone who tries to claim we're stealing from other disorders. If it helps someone, I don't care why it helps them.

And I'll shut down anyone who info- dumps with that tone of 'you're not that special, you just need to try harder'. Because all of you who jump in with 'well, actually' are the reason that research was stalled for decades and the reason my life has been unmedicated, unacknowledged hell. You've been on my back for 35 years. Back the fuck off.

RE: that ADHD post...I’ve been getting most of my info from ADDitude mag based on the recommendation of a counselor I talked to about my suspected ADHD symptoms. Has it been a bad source this whole time? :(

Personally? I don’t think so. My ADHD specialist is also ADHD, and she recommends ADDitude magazines from time to time. Personally, I find their articles for adults on how to actually get diagnosed and advocate for themselves to be invaluable, and they post a lot of interesting articles about research and intersectionality with other mental health issues that you’ll generally struggle to find talked about anywhere else. Their online webinars also generate a lot of good discussions. Which doesn’t mean I agree with everything the key speakers talk about. It just means I think there are interesting points raised that are worthy of more conversation and research. 

The problem some people have with it is that they’re looking for a “citation needed” and unfortunately for a lot of this, we are the citation. The people going through it and trying to figure all this shit out in real-time, because the current medical establishment is fundamentally lacking in ways to help us. And just like there are some people who think Dr. Edward M. Hallowell’s writing on ADHD is invaluable (he wrote “Driven to Distraction” along with Dr.  John McDonough), there are others who read his work and go “this doesn’t reflect me at all! this is horseshit!”

Same with “You Mean I'm Not Lazy, Stupid, or Crazy?!” which is one of the first books people often recommend to newly diagnosed adults. Some people find it incredibly helpful and validating. Others dismiss it as rambling nonsense (and yeah, while I do find it helpful, the structure is lacking, even for someone like me whose brain is at its happiest ricocheting about like a pinball. I want so hard to edit it haha)

If the information you find is useful to you and helps you? To me, that’s what matters. We also just have to be aware that someone might come along and blow some of the things we talk about and hold to be true out the water. And that’s fine! Our understanding of ADHD and neurodivergence is allowed to change and evolve as we learn more. And God I hope we learn more because right now we’re hurting for lack of attention, and for once, not from ourselves.