#they probably won't hear anything i have to say anyway since im dumb and hate Palestinian children

[a-lil-strawberry]

Someone starts to argue with me on here over politics and I start to get angry and hurt, like with chest pain and stuff, and then I have to remember that this is Tumblr and it is not worth having physiological reactions to what some stranger thinks of my political stances. Some stranger on TUMBLR

[newtsies]

When I Was Your Man || A Ralbert One Shot

a/n - hello! so basically this one shot is a College Newsies AU where Racetrack and Albert broke up and Race started dating Spot :'). it's about ralbert though?? so it's like- okay its from alberts POV and it's based on When I Was Your Man so yeah :D (all lyrics from the song will be in bold and italicized),, i'll only be writing the chorus once <3

also i didnt edit this cuz its late and IM TIRED SO sorry if it sucks lol

tw('s) - cussing

same bed but it feels just a little bit bigger now

Albert didn't sleep well at night, if he even slept at all. His bed was empty. The same bed that he had slept in since the beginning of college. But it wasn't his bed, it was their bed. At least, it used to be theirs. Now, it was just his, but he couldn't accept that it was only his.

But at one point, it was theirs. Him and Racetrack, it was once their bed. Even if it was only his, Albert could swear that Race's body was still outlined in the cushion of his bed.

The bed used to be so small, too small for the two of them. They cuddled together to keep each other from falling off. But now it was huge. He had no-one to roll over to in the morning, he was alone.

He couldn't even sleep on the right side of the bed. That was Race's side. Even if Race hadn't slept on the bed for a long time, even if he would never sleep on the bed again. That was his side, not Alberts.

And often times he would lay awake in bed, staring at the ceiling. He would reach over to the right for his boyfriends- ex-boyfriends hand. But it wasn't there. He reached over and was met with sheets and pillows.

So he didn't sleep, because he had no-one to sleep with and his bed was too big to sleep in. And he stayed awake until the next morning when he got into his car and drove from his apartment to the school.

Not even in his car did he get peace. It wasn't his car, it was Race's car. Race had picked it out, he liked the color. And it smelled like Race's cologne and it held memories of Race in each dent of the leather seats.

So he sold the car. He got a new car, his own car. But even with the smell of Race gone, with his memories in the seats gone. The radio in the new car betrayed Albert.

our song on the radio but it don't sound the same

The car radio had one station, and Albert could swear that the station only had one playlist they played each day. Because every day, and it never missed one day, it would play their song. The song they first danced to. So Albert turned off the radio, and he never turned it on. Even when friends begged him to play music, the radio staid off and he played music from his quiet phone.

Every day, Albert showed up to school exhausted. He nearly passed out in class. Lunch was the only time he ever slept. Everyone assumed he didn't get sleep due to his hard classes, which couldn't be farther from the truth. He didn't do his work. He couldn't pay attention in class, not with Race there.

when our friends talk about you, all it does is just tear me down

"You really lucked out being with him, Al," Jack said.

Romeo agreed and added onto the comment, "Kelly's right. He's gorgeous. And a genius too. Too smart for his own good."

Albert raised his head from his arms with a desperately sad look. He sighed and shook his head, "I told you guys. I know we broke up a while ago, but it still hurts, okay?" He rested his head back into his arms and closed his eyes tightly. His heart ached with every comment. He knew Race was gorgeous. He knew Race was a genius. He knew so much about him, yet he didn't know him enough to keep him happy.

"Sorry, man. Forgot," Jack mumbled. Romeo muttered something of an apology and scratched at his neck.

"I know you hate school activities," Romeo started, "But you should come to the party tonight. Dance a little, I think it'll cheer you up."

Albert sighed and tried not to think about why dancing would be hard for him. He looked up and pushed his hair out of his face, "I'll come."

'cause my heart breaks a little when i hear your name

"Race!" Spot called from the couch. The music boomed and Spots voice was quiet, but Albert heard the name anyways. He immediately turned to the boy.

Spot grinned as Race made his way over to him. Race plopped into his lap and smiled back as he hugged the boy. Alberts eyes widened and his chest ached.

Even just hearing Race's name hurt Albert, brought back a wave of memories. Each yell of Race's name when he did something dumb, each fond laugh of the name when he complimented him, each whine of Racetrack's name when he bugged Albert too much. He missed it all.

it all just sounds like ooh, ooh, hoo

Jack and Romeo were definitely talking to Albert, but he couldn't hear anything they were saying. The music sounded like gibberish and he couldn't think. All he could do was stare at the couple on the couch and ache at the sight.

mm, too young, too dumb to realize, that i should have bought you flowers

Albert watched as Race giggled at the flower Spot offered him. Spot smiled and put the small yellow flower behind Race's ear. The stem stuck between his ear and his head whilst the bud pointed outwards.

The years that they dated, Albert and Race were young and naive. He didn't know how to be romantic or how to make Race happy. No matter how hard he tried.

"I should've bought him flowers," He sighed. Jack and Romeo shared a knowing glance before pushing Albert to sit down on the couch.

and held your hand

"I mean," Albert continued, "I was too insecure to do anything with him." They didn't even hold hands in public, because Albert was scared. Scared of what society would think.

should have gave you all my hours, when i had the chance

Albert and Race had started dating their first year of college. Albert was constantly busy with classes. He was always doing work and stressing about class.

Anytime Race would make an attempt to spend time with him, he shut it down.

"I'm doing work," He would say, "You should be doing work, too."

He wanted to do well, get a good job, find a good home, start a family. But all of that was dumb. It was pointless. To hell with it all if we didn't get to come back from his job to see Race. Because Race was his home and he didn't want to start a family with anyone else.

take you to every party 'cause all you wanted to do was dance

"Al!" Race would whine and grab at his arm, "Dance with me, please. Just for a little bit."

Albert never did dance with him. No matter how much he asked, he refused to do so. He couldn't, he needed to get good grades. He needed to provide.

"We can dance later," He would say.

The usual response he would get was, "Promise?" But one day, he received a different answer, "There isn't going to be a later. Not for us, Albert."

now my baby's dancing, but he's dancing with another man

Race pulled Spot up from the couch. They smiled as they moved together to the middle of the room. The music vibrated around them as the two danced.

Albert watched from the camp as he shook his leg. He took in a deep and quaking breath before stumbling out of the house. He threw his cup to the side and gulped in a large breath.

my pride, my ego, my needs, and my selfish ways, caused a good strong man like you to walk out my life

"What do you mean their won't be a later for us, Racer?" Albert had asked, finally looking up from his studies.

Race had scoffed, "Oh, of course! That's what gets you to look me in the eye, huh?" He had rolled his eyes, "We're done, Al. I can't do this anymore, can't do us. Okay? You're so god damn selfish. You only do what's best for you. Ever think about what's best for us, huh? Do you ever even think about me?"

"Of course I think about you, Race. You're all I ever think about," Al had stuttered out.

"Sure," Race had laughed sourly, "I just wanted to fucking dance, Albert. You wouldn't even do that with me. I'm leaving." With that, Race had grabbed all of his stuff and walked out of the apartment.

now i never, never get to clean up the mess i made, oh. and that haunts me every time i close my eyes

Albert closed his eyes when he left the house. Their breakup flashed behind his eyelids and he choked out a sob. He fell to his knees on the grass.

"God damnit," He weakly hit the grass beneath him, "I could've fixed it. I could- Could've. But- Spot. I can't fix it anymore."

although it hurts, i'll be the first to say that i was wrong

He shook his head, "Race was right. I never thought about him." And his stomach twisted with that realization.

Albert has thought he was thinking about Race, about their future together. But it was never about Race, it was about him. He needed to good grades, Racer didn't. Everything that happened was his fault, and he knew that.

oh, i know i'm probably much too late, to try and apologize for my mistakes

He took a deep breath before falling back to sit down on the grass. The door opened and a boy with curly blonde hair sat down next to him.

Race gave Albert a sad smile.

"I'm not going to say sorry," Albert started, "Because that won't make up for anything. I was wrong, about everything." Race nodded.

"Al," Race said quietly.

Albert shook his head with a small grin, "Don't. Go get, Spot. Be happy. Go love the boy who you want to see when you get home from long work days, okay? Love him the way I love you." He paused, "Not the way I treated you, but the way I feel about you. I know it didn't seem like it. But I love you."

Race smiled and gave Albert a pat on the cheek, "I loved you too."

That was the sad tragedy of their relationship.

Albert was in love with Race. Race had been in love with Albert.

They loved each other at different times. But Albert could accept the pain of being in love with a boy would didn't love him back, because even though Race was in love with someone else, he was happy. And that's all Albert wanted, because Race deserved to be happy.

[hannie-dul-set]

(thirteen times) i love you— 03

— wherein y/n (a hopeless romantic) seems to fall in love with nearly ever guy she meets. so, she writes letters for them to compensate. these letters weren't meant for them to read, but what happens when they all end up receiving them?

03 // dumb excuse

word count: 2.3k

a/n: hello hello, part three is here!! lmk what you think hehheheh 👀✨

part 4 will be on July 16th, 8:00 PM EST!

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masterlist

"Wait, so you're saying, Choi Seungcheol, aka Mr. Boy I Loved # 12, volunteered to help you retrieve your letters back?" Jiyeon asked in disbelief before taking a sip on her carton of milk.

"I know right! God, I don't know what went inside his head for him to decide to help me," you groaned, "What if he's just doing it to make fun of me?" With a whine, you buried your face in your arms.

"I doubt it," you heard Hyerim respond from behind you. Tray in hand, she makes her way towards Jiyeon and takes a seat beside her, "I think he's gonna expose you to his friends first, before making fun of you."

You threw your crumpled trash at her and shot her a glare, "I hate you," once again, you let yourself drown in your arms.

"I'm only joking," Hyerim laughs, "Besides, Seungcheol really is a nice guy. I'm sure he's genuine in trying to help you," you could hear Jiyeon hum in agreement.

You let out a huff, "I hope you're right— I have to meet up with him in a while," you took a glance at your watch— ten minutes until you and Seungcheol had to meet. He agreed to give you back your letter, and afterwards, the both of you were to formulate a plan on how to retrieve the rest.

"Uh oh, you better head out then," Jiyeon remarked, "I could see one of your ex obsessions breaching the perimeter," she nudged her head at one of the cafeteria tables. You slowly turned your head towards the direction, letting out a groan upon seeing your editor-in-chief, Jeon Wonwoo. If he won't confront me about the letter, then he's definitely gonna kill me for not heading to the clubroom yesterday— none of which I'd like to experience just yet.

You grabbed your bag in a rush and stood up, "I'll see you guys later," you bid your friends farewell before briskly walking towards the cafeteria's exit, hoping that the male didn't see you.

You let out a sigh of relief once you reached the hallway. You heard a buzz coming from you pocket and you assumed that was Seungcheol.

[seungcheol: hey im at the tables outside. where are you]

[you: im omw, had to deal with sth just now]

You finally arrived at your destination. You scanned the area for any sight of the male, and you managed to spot him sitting on one of the tables at the far end, tapping away on his phone.

[you: im here]

Immediately, he looked up from his phone. A large smile appeared on his face upon meeting your eyes. He waved his hand, beckoning you to come over, and you followed. You could feel a slight tinge of nervousness as you neared closer to the male.

"Hey," Seungcheol greeted you, a grin on his face and you offered him a tight lipped smile in response. His happy expression morphed into a frown, "What? You still don't trust me?" He pouted.

"It's— It's not that," you bit your lip, looking away from the male, "I'm just embarrassed— that's all," you heard him chuckle at your explanation, causing you to glare at him. He patted his hand on the chair beside him, urging you to take a seat. The glare on your face was still present as you sat down.

"No need to be embarrassed, Y/N, it's all in the past," Seungcheol opened his bag, his hand reaching in for something. In one swift motion, he pulls out your letter, "Here," he smiles at you, "I'm sure you've been wanting to get your hands on this."

Letting out a small shriek, you snatch the object from his grasp, "Oh my god, my baby—" you bring the letter to your chest, a relieved sigh escaping your lips. You stay in that position for a while, not paying any attention to the male that's been looking at you with a small smile on his face the entire time.

"Damn, I knew it was important to you , but I didn't know it meant that much," Seungcheol's voice interrupts your mini-episode. You sneered, "Of course, you wouldn't know," you stayed silent for a moment before facing the male, "But, thank you."

The gentle smile on Seungcheol's face never falters, "No problem," he adjusts his seating position before speaking up once again, "So, what are you planning on next?"

You rested your chin on your palm, your free hand twiddling with the letter, "I don't know, " You sighed, "But as much as possible, I'd like to avoid facing my disaster head-on, thank you very much."

A disapproving sound escaped Seungcheol's lips, "Tsk, that won't do," He scolded you, "You won't be able to accomplish anything if you do that,"

"What else can I do?" You groaned, "I don't exactly have the guts of steel, Mr. Choi Seungcheol."

"That's why I'm here, Y/N," he sent a wink at your direction. God, you really wanted to smack him, but he was right. You won't be able to go anywhere if you don't confront them— that is unless you consider sneaking around and taking the the letters without their knowledge, which you're totally up for, by the way.

Your meeting with Seungcheol sadly got cut short by the bell ringing. The both of you stood up and started to gather your things. You slipped the letter into one of your notebooks— you'll place it in a safe box later when you get home. One down, twelve more to go.

The both of you head inside the school building in silence. Seungcheol tapped your shoulder, causing you stop your legs. You face the male, raising your brow at him as you wait for what he has to say.

"I'll talk to you later, yeah? Tell me if anything happens," he smiled. You gave him a quick nod before the both of you finally parted ways.

Surprisingly, you managed to trek down the hallway without having to hide yourself in another locker or having to run another god forsaken marathon. You hadn't ran into any of the boys yet which is definitely good on your part since you weren't mentally prepared to face any of them yet (Seungcheol was an exemption).

You entered class, and lo and behold, Seungkwan was sitting on the desk right beside the door. You let out a yelp, loud enough for half of the class to hear, and you quickly slapped your palm onto your lips. Luckily, the professor wasn't around yet— with yesterday's events, he probably wouldn't let this one slide.

You timidly shuffled around the classroom and decided to sit down at the very back— not your preferred seat, but you wanted to avoid the male as much as possible. While taking out your things, you heard the screech of a chair from beside you, followed by the sound of someone sitting down. You turn your head to see who had decided to sit next to you, and the moment you saw the person— you paled, eyes widening and choking on literally nothing in the process.

"Don't think you could run away just like last time, Y/N— you have some explaining to do," Seungkwan warned you before giving his attention to your professor that had just made his arrival.

Okay, that was unexpected. You only anticipated three things to happen whenever any of the boys decide to confront you— they'll either reject you (obviously), make fun of your cheesy writing, or profess their love for you in return (highly unlikely). You clearly didn't expect a threat.

For the rest of the class, you could only think about Seungkwan's words. You yourself know that you obviously had to explain things, but how did he know? You mentally cursed at yourself. Focus on class, Y/N, think about this shit later. You weren't gonna lie, this entire situation was really giving off a negative impact on your studies— well, your whole life, in general— but all you could do was suck it up, the educational system doesn't give a fuck about the students' well being, anyways.

The bell rang, signalling the end of your class and the beginning of your ruin.

You raced towards the door, hoping to evade the male's confrontation, but for some reason, the path to the door seemed way longer than it was supposed to be (plus the fact there's literally a large mass of students trying to get out, as well). You had no choice but to accept your dreaded fate.

Seungkwan appeared beside you, holding a tight grip on your wrist in case you try to run away (a good idea on his part). You furrowed your brows. It confused you as to why he was so adamant about having you to explain the reason for the letter. Maybe it could be something else? If so, then it must be really really bad for Seungkwan to act like this. At that thought, your nerves started to surface even harder than before.

Upon reaching the hallway, Seungkwan wordlessly dragged you to a corner. The students that were around gave the both of you questioning looks as you passed them by. The male decided to stop, and without even giving you much time to think, he uttered out,

"What the fuck?"

Your features morphed into a mix of confusion and alarm. What? The male probably noticed your expression, and he let out a heavy sigh.

"Look, Y/N, I don't know what kind of game you're playing, but it's not fucking funny," Seungkwan glared at you, causing you to flinch. "Vernon approached me yesterday after school, saying he received a letter from you— a love letter, to be more specific," the male's glare doesn't leave his features.

"Sounds familiar, doesn't it?"

You bit your lip, trying to think of the proper words to say, "I—I can explain, Seungkwan—"

"You better," he snapped. "I honestly do not understand you, Y/N. We used to be friends— hell, Vernon even considered you to be his best friend, years ago. I know it may have already been six years, but do you think it's okay to try and lead two people on?"

You stayed silent. You wanted to wait for him to finish before reasoning yourself out.

"Not to mention that one of the two literally used to be the closest with you, Y/N." Seungkwan's tone started to become softer, "He may have left that day, Y/N, but Vernon doesn't deserve the shit that you're trying to pull."

Seungkwan looked at you, waiting for what you have to say. You breathed in, hoping that the male would understand you explanation.

"That was never my intention, Seungkwan, " he scoffed but didn't say anything, "Actually, those— those letters weren't supposed to be sent in the first place."

Seungkwan eyed you in disbelief, "I thought you were smart, Y/N, but that's got to be the dumbest excuse I've ever heard."

"I'm telling the truth, Seungkwan. You were never meant to read that— those letters were written for myself," You explained. It's clear that the male still doesn't believe you, but you persist, "I wrote Hansol's letter after he left for America, I wrote your letter when you rose me up while I was absolutely devastated that he left. Everything inside those letters were true— I really did love the both of you."

Seungkwan didn't say anything, but his eyes remained on you.

"And you were never meant to find out."

It was quiet— the only sound that emanated from the both of you was the sound of your heavy breathing. Seungkwan didn't look at you, his eyes were focused on the ground beneath him. You pressed your lips together, afraid if the male believed your words or not. A sigh escaped Seungkwan's lips, he raised his head and looked at you in the eye.

"Alright," he breathed, "I believe you."

It felt as if a heavy weight was lifted from your shoulders. You were about to collapse onto the floor out of relief (and you really couldn't face him anymore after all of that), but Seungkwan wasn't finished.

"But, that doesn't mean I'm still not mad at you," Your face dropped. What else does he want? Your mouth formed into a frown. The window seemed really tempting right now.

"I'll be honest with you, Y/N. I was actually really pleased upon receiving your letter, but Vernon wasn't," Seungkwan stated, distress evident in his voice and features, "To put it in simple terms— he feels like shit."

You furrowed your brows, "Wait, why?" Seungkwan let out a sigh, his hands started to fidget.

"I don't know what exactly you wrote in his letter, but he says he feels really bad for leaving you," he explained, "I mean, he felt bad even before, obviously, but he feels like absolute shit for breaking your heart without knowing."

Oh no. Your heart fell. You didn't want anyone— especially Vernon— to feel that way because of you. It wasn't his decision to leave in the first place. If anyone were to blame, that was you for literally having zero control over your feelings.

"Listen, Y/N," Seungkwan's stern tone interrupted your turbulent thoughts, "I'm not returning your letter unless you talk to Vernon."

"I was planning on talking to him, anyways! God, I can't just let him beat himself up for that," Your voice ended up being louder than expected, eliciting a flinch from the male before you. You mumbled out a quiet 'sorry' before speaking out again.

"But," You sighed, not looking at the male, "I don't think I'm ready to talk to him yet."

"I'll be keeping your letter for the meantime, then," Seungkwan remarked, "As his best friend, I can't stand seeing him like that, Y/N. But he won't listen to anything I say— he'd only listen if it comes from you."

Your eyes were stuck to the floor as you heard Seungkwan making his leave. You stood there in silence, reflecting on what the male had just said. Closing your eyes, you let out a sigh.

You'll talk to Vernon sooner or later, but for now, you have other problems to deal with.