#they pretend they don’t have emotions either refuse to get their hands dirty bc they’re just so advanced

[starlooove]

Would be so cool if Batman beyond leaned a lot into the cyberpunk thing

[likeshipsonthesea]

okay so legit one of my first-ever nurseydex posts was this one right here and while i still agree with/hc parts of it i have to admit it’s a bit outdated for how i see nurseydex’s relationship now so i thought why not make a new “why i ship nurseydex” post three years later to explain my own rambling understanding of them??

so, anywho. imagine a dex-- back when he was just will-- growing up with this huge weight of expectation around him, about every aspect of his life-- expectation of what a man ought to be, expectation of what a student ought to be, a worker, a son, etc-- and despite what he wants and feels, striving to meet/exceed this expectation to satisfy his parents and make them proud and be who they want him to be. like, following his ma around when she does chores might be fun and helpful, but a man is supposed to be doing the dirty, heavy work, no baking or doing laundry (at least that’s what his brother says) and from the time he’s little he knows that college means money and they don’t have that, but education is also very important and college is how he gets a better life for him and his family, and so from elementary school he’s studying his spelling words and times tables and striving to be the best student he can be because scholarships and respect and expectation. and yeah, maybe there’s other expectations, around who he can and cannot like, and maybe that doesn’t always fit the way he thinks it’s supposed to, and he allows himself little indulgences knowing one day that he will do what is expected of him and make his parents happy, and the crushing weight of that-- of knowing what the future will force him into-- has him frozen between the need to be what he’s supposed to be and the want to be free, and these warring ideals within his own mind leave him grasping and uncertain and--and angry at everything (family, town, society, himself) for putting him there to begin with and then-- and then-- he goes to samwell

MEANWHILE there’s a little nursey, small and surrounded by smiling parents and nannies and love, and somehow, despite it all, he’s anxious. it’s his brain, probably, but at four, nursey doesn’t know anything about brains, all he knows is that his parents aren’t home and maybe that’s his fault and before he can understand how jobs work and how their importance doesn’t outweigh his parents’ love for him, he’s sitting at home wondering how to be better, how to be enough to keep them there, how to be good. and he excels in all his classes, gets bored sitting there with all his fancy private school kindergarten work finished on his desk, and his parents bring him to the doctor’s thinking it’s an attention disorder and he gets diagnosed with anxiety. at eight. and his parents-- mama gets mad (and nursey hasn’t yet learned to distinguish anger at the world and anger at him) and mom becomes focused, ready to fix it (not realizing, really, how nursey sees it as a need to fix him) and dad is maybe the best, he just buys some puzzles and makes hot cocoa and sits with nursey when the world gets too tough, and still nursey leaves thinking i’m a burden, he has to take the time to do this, i’m a burden, and he grows up with the idea that he has to be good, can’t be broken, has to pretend to be perfect even if he isn’t otherwise his parents will be sad and it will be his fault, and it works (until it doesn’t) and he thrives (until he doesn’t) and everything is happy and perfect and wonderful (until it isn’t) and things break apart and nursey decides perfection is impossible to fabricate but pretending to be chill, pretending to at least be okay is enough, and so he moves on with this veneer of okayness and this mess of anxiety and apprehension and worry underneath and it’s such a delicate balance he somehow manages to handle until samwell

(under the cut bc, well. it got a little long. oops?)

and there it’s like-- they’re both at the perfect point to just completely explode one another. nursey sees this walking ball of seemingly together person and pokes at it, this kind of self-projection thing really, trying to break the outside and see the mess within, and meanwhile dex looks at nursey and sees someone perfectly content with everything in life and turns on every probing question like it’s an attack, and maybe it takes a few terms-- maybe all of their frog year-- to start seeing past the cracks. maybe a few of nursey’s questions poke at places more sensitive than he’d meant to see, and maybe dex calls nursey out on things his anxiety has whipped out of control, and maybe after they lose the playoffs and dex is angry and violent and not enough and nursey sees that-- feels the ache of imperfection, too-- and somehow the knowledge that he’s not alone makes it better? and suddenly he wants to make it better for dex, too? and so they go into the summer after frog year with the beginnings of an understanding and things are-- tentative, but they know how to deal with fragility better than most, and it survives the break, survives the infrequent texts and tangential group chat conversations

and sophomore year they have rooms across the hall from one another, randomly. they walk together to practices, because why not, and tag along on team breakfasts (dex is a morning person, nursey is not, dex likes being helpful, nursey likes making it to bfast before holster eats all the waffles) and maybe they start talking-- actually talking, not barbs and banter and chirps just a bit too sharp to laugh at. it’s like an actual conversation for the first time since they’ve known each other, and c’s ecstatic and their hockey’s great and things are going wonderful.

until one of them catches feelings.

it doesn’t quite matter which one of them-- maybe dex falls in love with the way nursey gestures with his hands too much as he talks and how he waxes poetic about everything, but mostly nature and books and how it feels to smile without knowing it, and maybe dex falls in love with the way he feels around nursey, like he could say anything and nursey wouldn’t- he’d judge, maybe, because nursey likes doing that, but it would never be maliciously, it would always be out of a want for dex to grow, learn, be himself more. and seriously, that wouldn’t be hard to fall in love with

or maybe nursey falls in love with the weird bits of knowledge dex drops about any and everything, always attributed to an aunt or uncle, of which he likely has an unlimited stock, and the way that dex catches him when he trips on the sidewalk and the strong, sure way his hands curl around nursey’s body, and how when he gets flustered or embarrassed or angry or happy, his flush is a different shade depending on the emotion, and how nursey-- when he’s around dex-- doesn’t wonder if dex thinks what he’s saying is dumb-- he probably does-- because dex cares anyway and isn’t that just completely and wholly unavoidably wonderful?

so. one of them falls in love. there’s a dib flip. dex goes a little overboard. so does nursey. neither of them reacts accordingly and it’s nearly impossible to say which one reacts to the other’s overreaction. one person has their heart beat up (he still doesn’t like me, he still thinks i’m just someone to annoy) and then they lose before they even make the playoffs and then jack and bitty come out on live tv and dex’s parents infer things that break expectations and nursey’s parents start fighting (unrelated) and nursey wonders if it’s his fault (it isn’t) and they come back to samwell in the fall poised to break one another apart.

if in frog year it was an explosion, in junior year it’s a careful disassembly. they poke at the soft spots they’ve learned in the past year until the whole living situation comes crumbling down and, in the rumble, everything is silent and so much clearer. nursey is alone in a top bunk with a broken wrist, isolated from the team and his parents, scattered across the globe for work in an effort to get away from one another. dex is tucked away in the basement, sucking at hockey as his body refuses to get used to a different d-partner and his conversations with his parents consist of short sentences and loaded silences, and he has no idea what to do with either.

spring comes early that year. flowers poking up amongst frost-bitten blades of grass, birds chirping in the early hours of practices. nursey is back on the ice. he and dex don’t speak, except to work through plays. it begins to come back-- their understanding-- if only on the ice.

bitty starts visiting jack more on the weekends and chowder is off with caitlin and doing compsci homework and talking to recruiters. whiskey usually isn’t there anyway and tango is off doing everything and the waffles are cool but suddenly they seem so young.

on saturday nights, dex cooks and nursey sits at the table with him and complains, mostly to himself at first, about his writing prof. as the weeks wear on, dex adds his own complaints, too. sometimes nursey will throw in something good that happened. sometimes dex will tell a joke (usually a pun, usually horrible, usually inducing belly-aches in nursey regardless). afterwards they do the dishes. dex mentions how he used to love doing the dishes, how it calmed him. how his brother used to comment on it disparagingly. nursey mentions, another time, how his roommate at andover would hate the impromptu headphone dance parties he’d put on-- how it was something he’d do with his dad, when he was young. how it made things better, for a while.

(they never really talk about when happened, dex’s parents or nursey’s, the ache of loneliness that fall term, not until very later, after samwell, after-- well. it takes a while, but when they finally do talk about it, it hurts less if only because of the delicateness with which they’ve learned how to handle such things, by then)

 by the time the end of the year arrives-- when they win  the fucking playoffs and hoist bitty onto their shoulders with a burning pride in their chests-- nursey and dex would call one another friends. to their faces and everything. and then there’s a banquet and dex gets the c and-- as a twist-- nursey gets the a (maybe coach and hall approached dex before the banquet, explained how close the votes were, asked him if he’d mind, and dex gave the most honest answer maybe he’d ever given in his life-- it would be an honor)

they go into the summer with one another at the top of their messages. they call nearly every week, snapchat daily, about nursey’s internship at a publishing house, dex’s at a tech company in boston. maybe nursey panic-calls dex at three in the morning going on about the publishing process and how crazy it is and how i’m never going to be published and dex calms him down with some seriously misinformed words about the literary business that make nursey breathe easy anyway, and maybe dex goes home one weekend and there’s radio silence until dex calls him on the way back home and asks nursey to just talk and so from maine until massachussetts it’s nursey’s voice rambling about pears and children’s books and cooking equipment until dex gets back to the apartment his internship is paying for and simply says thank you

and they go into senior year this unquestionable team with a legacy to uphold. dex works through plays without hesitation, showing the baby frogs (juniors, they call them) the ropes and silently making the team a warm space, while nursey inspires and comforts and corrects the little things, and they run the haus in the same way-- nursey planning movie nights and board game nights (now that holster and jack are gone and there are strict rules in place) and dex is usually there in the kitchen, cooking and baking and willing to listen to anything the players have to say, and if you asked any of the baby frogs what they thought of dex and nursey’s relationship, they would’ve said that their captains had been friends for years (and maybe, in the right light, that would be true)

how they get together at this point is not important. whichever one didn’t catch feelings sophomore year found them, sometime afterwards, behind a box of forgotten things, forgotten only because they’d been there quietly for so long that no one had every thought to question their presence, and so, in senior year, when they are both in places where things are no longer fragile, where “broken” is a word easily thrown away, they come together with little fanfare.

over a pie, one softly raining afternoon, or in a slipped-into-snowbank on the way back from practice, or in the library over an open textbook or between laughter or in the moments before sleep embraces them on a roadie, or any number of other things.

that is not the most important part-- it’s important, of course, but not the most-- the most important part is that they were, are, together long before any moment like that occurs. because they both learned, grew from the volatile, fragile people they arrived as. grew because they forced each other, became better, stronger, with the guidance and comfort and assurance the other offered. because that is what makes a partnership, a bond of the souls, a love like theirs. it is not being perfect, not even being perfect for one another, but being there and willing to grow.

maybe it’s samwell-- got your back-- that puts them in a place where this kind of process can work. maybe it’s the nature of college itself. maybe it would’ve happened regardless of where they were. but it happened, and it’s wonderful, and that’s what matters.

[acethena-discourse]

@grungedyke Tumblr own’t let me reblogged, and i’m not sure if its being dumb or you blocked

Thanks for showing up dumbass. Your presence and your type of thinking in that server is like a tumor, do you realize that? You’re a spineless liar if you think a member saying they were leaving is “strongarming” someone, and those mods are truly either desperate or foolish to keep you in there. No wonder people are uncomfortable with the environment in there – you and other active users have a habit of distorting any disagreement into violent persecution while pretending everything on your side is completely “valid” and brave.

I’m allowed to stay because i don’t break rules. Even now, this isn’t breaking rules. I rarely interact with minors in the server unless they directly talk to me first. But please go off about how I’m terrible for thinking that demanding a mod force someone to stop unhealthy coping, and cropping that out is bad.

My claim that rules are more heavily enforced is directly addressing the fact that i have gotten in trouble for things i legit forget. Ie. THe server does not allow the word b*tch. So often i’ll type “bitching about’ and get a warning from dyno. Thats p fucking strict. I’ve also phrased things v poorly, and been told to either delete the message or clarification, I often opt to EDIT THE INFORMATION because I know exclus will screenshot the bad one, and not the new one. But okay.

Recently a rule has been implimented for triggers, telling us that server anouncemnts will be modifed with new triggers/squick as they appear. Now if you have issues with these instances of rules, please go take that up with the mods.

Now, as for your screenshot, yes, I did tell them to archive it, and how I’ve both handled people baying for blood over the art of 2 ocs in a server in the past. I locked the channel, put an NSFW ban in place, and then *archived them* something I’m surprised you are more grateful for. Considering not only would archiving the channel would keep the good advice (ie yes use lube, do not use soap like in fanfic etc.) along with the bad that yall screenshotted before.

You may pretend to be nice, but that typical tendersoft nerd innocent-white-person shit does not stop you from being predatory.

There is no pretending. I genuinely believe it or not, believe in being nice to just about everyone I come across. That includes you, or a stranger on the bus or even someone walking by my house in a fucking ski mask. Being polite, and kind is just something I believe in. Until you give me beyond a reasonable doubt, I don’t even owe you basic compassion, then you’re gonna get it. Yes, that includes for big mistakes like not having age roles when you were finding your feet in discord moderation. That includes, people like you, who are trying to accuse me of “preserving gross content” when the reality is archiving a chat is a neutral suggestion because it favors no one. But i see, clearly i should go around kicking random babies and yelling don’t touch me. Because clearly if i’m not openly 100% mean to everyone, i must have some ulterior motive for my kindness right?

Can you name a single change to the rules aside from this recent “keep all the messages and let the adults keep reading them” shite?

See the above. In the past when users got banned all their messages would be deleted. They started keeping this for context. Then there's last year where someone decided to doxx a bunch of discords and said “Btw I did this bc uwuw you don’t edit screenshots” it took two weeks to give or take for mods to come to a verdict on what to do. So they made the rule that screenshots may not have their og username in them. Based on this, alone, i suspect the nsfw channels and sex ed might not be reopened for a similar period of time until the mods make new rules and clarify old ones.

It’s irrelevant and maybe even suspicious for you to bring up the wrongdoings of people who are completely unrelated to this situation. You’re already deflecting onto other people, offering no evidence of the “context,” and bitching on behalf of the mods. If you were in any way committed to safety or improving the situation, you wouldn’t be bringing up random people and downplaying things you obviously witnessed.

“offering no evidence of the context” for someone in the server you would know a handful of things about me 1) mobile tumblr is hell and i attach information from pc once I can. 2) I was out of town for someone so eager to screenshot me funny how you were so eager to forget that information.

So heres screenshot 1

Funfact i did not, and still don’t know what agere is. Now i will say my stance on cgl is that its not for me. I don’t like it, i don’t want to hear about it. But as long as both participates are 18, i also don’t need to know about it. Now if a minor was in chat, said “i participate in cgl with my partner” i would full stop be like what the fuck. And would leave if the mods decided to condone it, but that isn’t what happened. But you can see the mods do point out that if an unhealthy relationship or it was discussed at all outside of nsfw- channels they would be warned, banned, or reported.

Then there is the obvious mention that age regression isn’t a consenting adult, yeah. Ya dang right it not motherfucker. But let's talk about the word AGERE in relation to this. I’ve never once heard that there is a special word for nonsexual coping mechanism. So like damn, I’ll just add that into my vocabulary.

But I didn’t know that word exists, me saying “non sexual cgl” or “coping cgl” is literally me acknowledging that I find that eh but ultimately okay between consenting adults who are not aged regressing vs sexual cgl.

screen shot 2

In this a user tries to suggest the mods have a moral obligation to inform someone its “unhealthy” when mods point out that no they do not, but nor do they allow users to go off telling everyone “Oh cgl is a great coping mechinism you should do it to.”

Which is important. Because again, I hate cgl, but I also am of the mind that, i can’t stop it. I outright can’t, so no i’m not gonna get involved in someones personal road to recovery and be like “you’re disgusting”. I can however tell them to keep it away from me, and not to discuss it in channels minors can see. (a policy that has been in place for a while now.)

screenshot 3

More of the mods not condoning it, and stating p clearly that policies have changed since 2017/early 2018. I’ve been in the server since july 2018ish. And things have been nearly constantly evolving.

screenshot 4

Mods again emphasizing that you can find the policy changes since the messages have changed. Because that is important. They confined this to other channels. Why they didn’t delete the information in sexed, i can’t actually say one way or another. They might have kept it because they believe in mistakes of that caliber being left alone. But you also have no evidence for why they kept the og messages.

But the reason, i consider what herpcourse did lying by omission, is herpcourse led you to believe the above screenshots were out in the open. The ones i just posted happened in some random channel. They did not, they happened in an age locked channel. That only adults are in. And mods are under no obligation to 1) be your personal therapist, 2) nor are they obligated to go “uwu reminder cgl in all situations no matter what is disgusting you dirties” because doing so is preformative. One of the mods is squicked by it just like me. But please go off about how admitting past mistakes happened, refusing to performatively disown something, and refusing to tell anyone who mentions it in the age locked channels is actually gross and unhealthy when you know nothing about them is bad.

I did not, in fact, witness anything in sexed, because I don’t go there. I only witnessed the stuff that followed herpcourse callout, which means the above messages. I have sexed muted.

I also didn’t bring up random people I brought up a known predator who is on youtube, actually sends salacious photos to minors, and is p safe to say fucking gross, my point was there are actual sharks in the water, please stop focusing on the tuna. Because you can surprise, call out both behaviors. But i’ve yet to see an exclus call out someone like pkrussel, instead choosing to focus on people who might have a seemingly large following in one community. Me pointing out sharks in the beach and asking you to stop focusing on tuna, is not telling you to ignore the tuna.

I’m only as committed to this situation as anyone can be, which isn’t v much considering I’ve yet to witness someone grooming a minor in gen chat. Or witnessed them grooming minors at all. The only skin i have in this game is the following: Minors still being allowed access to decent sex-ed resources and being allowed to ask questions. And 2) my own personal discomfort with all cgl. My hope is that rules do become more clear, maybe only discussion of sex ed by users to be direct questions only. Meaning a minor can come in ask a direct question and receive a direct answer. Which while not ideal sex ed, is sitll better than what i got, what you probably got, and what they’re likely getting (if getting any at all)

The mods are not level-headed and not passive when they actually care and think they have control. They’re cowardly, that’s the difference. They literally got more mad over someone making fun of one of their icons and a minor saying genuine trauma with the q slur is possible.

I don’t expect them to be 100% level headed. I’d honestly be kinda upset if they didn’t display emotions when shit like this happens. But please give me a source on the icon thing (which btw, no you shouldn’t make fun of people, period) and for the minor saying ‘queer can have trauma’ bc I do think it can. But if you join fya, you can’t request it be tagged as qlur. Because there is a lot o discussion not only of queer as a personal identity but also queer as a history. Which means groups like queer nation, or shows today like queer eye. And just like I hope if I’m discussing the motorcycle gang made up of lesbians called dykes on bikes and their history, you’d not want me to censor, or remove their history and accomplishments by calling them “d-slur on bikes uwu” you don’t expect me to censor the discussion above. But to my knowledge, the denial is not “queer isn’t used as a slur” its “queer as an identity deserves respect, and to insist its evil is to take the word our oppressors used and give it back to them.”

Also what’s with you specifically and always bringing up “afab” as a gotcha descriptor in arguments? What are you trying to say?

Bc lets be real, when you talk about ddlg, you’re talking about an afab person dressing up as a child and calling her partner daddy while he fucks her most times. Didn’t know to point out the difference between that and agere was in fact a “gotcha” based purely on the agab of the person. But okay.

You need to leave and delete your five blogs from anywhere you can speak to minors like yesterday.

Okay, what are the five blogs? Bc I’m only aware of...literally none that interact with minors in conscious effort.

I highly doubt there’s any reason for them to have changed, considering the execrable atmosphere in that server, so here’s a screenshot of one mod (toytulini) going Karen mode along with a bunch of other 20+ year olds while the minor they were targeting tried to defuse the situation as mentioned above.

What is the context? Bc i legit don't’ see any. I see them arguing, btu about what, I don’t know, if i  was involved myself, I do not remember. So again, not much of a smoking gun. It looks like they were trying to get someone to actually *understand* what was being said, but that wasn’t appearing to happen. But again, missing context such as what the argument was about, why that started, so on so forth. also if the person was told not to argue there, yeah, they should have moved it. as per server rules, there are channels to argue in, that wasn’t one. So no matter the context, if they were breaking rules, and did not move when requested, yes, they should be given a ban based on whatever the conversation topic was.

Now, i’ve provided evidence. I’m gonna go to bed, please feel free to dm me here if you need me to clarify anything or want to throw out accusations about how being kind must be predatory af since i’m barely an adult and adults lose compassion after becoming 18.