#they need to skate around trying to avoid the rats while ******* the ***

[my-fall-from-grace]

ok final post about this but the REAL reason they lost tonight was because they couldn’t win the *** without being showered w rats. like first time in franchise history WITHOUT the iconic rats? impossible

[bestiesenpai]

skate rat choso

This is just a little drabble for skate rat Choso, I got inspo from a cute ass pic of him holding baby Itadori :) no content warnings for this, although I must say it might get cringe? I tried to be wholesome, so let's see how that worked out. Gender neutral readerrrr and idk if i need to say this but choso and reader are 18+ lol

It was finally the first warm sunny day of the season. Birds were chirping, sparse clouds dotted the sky and there wasn’t any pollen in the air to make Choso sneeze. It was the perfect day to go to the skate park.

“Got your helmet?” And of course he was going to bring his little brother Yuji along with him.

“Mhmm!” The excited six year old nodded, nearly falling over as he held up his little helmet covered in sparkly Kirby stickers. Heading out of the house, Yuji ran down the steps, leaving Choso behind to carry his bike and his own skateboard.

“Your backpack, don’t forget this!” Holding up the tiny bag, Choso shrugged his own bag on. Yuji’s didn’t have much in it besides a few bandaids and a bag of chips. Holding his arms up at the bottom of the steps, Yuji waited for Choso to put it on him.

“This is gonna be great!” As soon as he could, Yuji ran down the street with Choso taking longer strides behind him. The walk to the skate park wasn’t far, and they got there in no time to see a couple other people Choso’s age riding around.

“What do you want to do first, do you want to take off the training wheels right away?” Setting Yuji’s bike down, Choso dug in his back for the screwdriver he brought.

“Yeah!” Hopping on the bike, Yuji bounced up and down impatiently, already dreaming of how he was going to fly through the air on the bike. Tossing the now useless wheels to the side, Choso pressed his hand to Yuji’s back.

“I’m going to hold onto you for a little bit to make sure you don’t fall, okay?”

“I’m not a baby!” Yuji shouted, trying to shake off Choso’s hand.

“You’re my baby and I want you to be safe.” Gripping the back of his shirt, Choso stilled Yuji. “Now try to push off.”

Lifting his feet off the ground, Yuji let out a short yelp as he began to sway side to side. Nearly falling several times, he refused to give up and with an almost angry pout on his face he was able to push the pedals and get the wheels spinning forward.

“I’m doing it!” He gasped, looking down at his feet and the way he wasn’t falling over anymore.

“You’re doing great!” Choso jogged a bit behind him, ultimately letting go and watching Yuji ride around in a wide circle.

“Did you see me? Did you?” Coming to a shaky stop, Yuji leapt off his bike and grabbed onto Choso’s shirt, tugging on it.

“I did, you were awesome.” Scooping the young boy up, Choso gave him a big hug. Squirming out of his hold, Yuji picked up his bike again.

“Ride your skateboard with me!” Yuji didn’t wait for Choso to respond, already stumbling to a start on his bike. Tucking their things underneath a tree with a couple other people's belongings, Choso let his board clatter to the ground and stepped on it, pushing off and meeting up with Yuji in no time.

As they rode around, avoiding any big dips or curves, Choso let his eyes wander across the park. There were a fair few people here, a couple that he recognized doing tricks in the bowl and sitting on the sidelines. Later, when Yuji was tired from riding on his bike and he didn’t have to pay attention to him too much, Choso would do some tricks as well and see if he could do anything new.

“Look Yuji, another kid your age is here.” With a little mop of messy black hair, the scowling child had a tiny little skateboard in hand. His helmet was strapped to his backpack that no doubt carried all his protective gear as well.

“I know him, he’s a new kid! He just joined last month.” Stopping slowly, Yuji stared quite obviously at the other boy. “His name is Megumi.”

“Why don’t you go over and ask if he wants to ride around with you?” Choso pushed Yuji towards the boy, finding himself intrigued with the adult that was following him. Riding over to the Megumi, Yuji leaned forward on his handlebars.

“Megumi?” He called out and the boy turned, his eyes widening upon seeing Yuji and Choso. “D’ya wanna ride together?” Megumi was silent, his lips forming a tight line on his face. Glancing at Choso, Megumi scrambled behind the person with him.

“Sorry, he’s a little shy.” You answered, trying to tug him off your pant leg. Smoothing a hand on his back, you leaned down to Megumi. “Is this a boy from your school?” Megumi nodded silently. “Do you want to ride around with him? I bet he’d let you hold onto his handlebars to balance.”

Megumi mumbled something indistinguishable to Choso, but apparently you heard it and understood. There was a quick back and forth and a rushed promise that you’d stay close by, and then Megumi was slowly tiptoeing out from behind you.

“Okay.” Clutching his board to his chest, Megumi looked at Choso and his own board.

“How long have you been skateboarding?” Choso asked, smiling at him. Megumi held up a five and you giggled.

“He’s been doing it for five months now.” Answering for him, you unclip his helmet and plop it on his head. “Show him your board, baby.” Flexing his little fingers, Megumi turned it around, showcasing the underside of the board.

“Cool!” Yuji gasped, stepping closer and pointing at the large wolf painted across the bottom.

“Thanks.” Megumi whispered, smiling softly despite himself.

“You wanna see mine?” Bending down so both boys could see clearly, Choso flipped his over. The deck was horribly scraped and scratched from grinding on metal and concrete and so were the trucks, but you could still make out the dragon design that was once there.

“That’s really cool.” Running his hand along the bottom, Megumi’s eyes gleamed with wonder.

“I can teach you some skating stuff later if you want.” Standing up straight, Choso flicked his eyes over to you. He really wanted you to accept the offer, he wanted an excuse to try and talk to you.

“Y-yes please!” Bouncing on his toes, Megumi looked over at you. “Can he, (Y/N)?”

“Of course!” Giving him a big thumbs up, you fished out his pads from his little backpack. “You have to put your gear on first though.”

Megumi rushed to put his gear on and in no time he and Yuji were riding around the flat parts of the park, both wobbly and slightly unsteady on their feet. Choso sat next to you on a bench and watched them, letting the sounds of the other park goers fill the silence between you.

“I never introduced myself! I’m (Y/N)!” The abruptness of your voice surprised him, but Choso was glad you broke the silence first because he was too nervous to. Waving and smiling at him, you didn’t seem to notice the blush beginning to coat Choso’s cheeks. “I’m Megumi’s older sibling, we just moved to the area not too long ago.”

“Oh uhm yeah, Yuji said that Megumi was a new student.” Nodding dumbly, Choso smiled nervously.

“Yuji is your brother's name?”

“Mhmm! And I’m Choso.” He quickly tacked on, almost forgetting to tell you his own name.

“It’s nice to meet you, Choso. I hope our brothers get along well.” Taking a look over at the two of them, you smiled. “Well actually, I don’t think I have to worry about that.” Pointing over to them, you and Choso shared a soft laugh at watching Megumi and Yuji chase each other around, their wheels lying forgotten on the grass.

“I’m not surprised, Yuji is really outgoing.” Choso had to bite back the stupid grin he had wanting to bubble to the surface. His little brother's ability to make friends with anyone was unexpectedly starting to pay off. If Yuji could make a good bond with Megumi, Choso had no doubt he’d be seeing the two of you again.

“Have you been skating long, Choso?” Your hand skims the edge of the board resting on his lap.

“I started when I was Yuji’s age.” He could remember clearly the very first time he rode a skateboard and the first time he fell off it too. “Do you skate or anything, (Y/N)?”

“I could never!” Rubbing the back of your neck, you laugh, feeling embarrassment come over you at your next words. “I tried to ride Megumi’s little skateboard one time and fell right on my face!”

“Ouch, really?” Laughing a little as well, Choso fiddled with the wheels. “If you want, I can teach you too. It’s not that hard, you just have to balance a little and-”

“(Y/N)!” A sharp wail cut Choso off and you both looked over to where it came from. Clutching his knee, Megumi had tripped and fallen over a ramp. Walking over swiftly, it was a relief to see only a few drops of blood on Megumi’s knee.

“It’s okay, it’s just a little scrape.” Running your hands through his unruly hair, you pressed a kiss to his forehead. “Do you want a bandaid?”

“I have one!” Yuji shot up, running past Choso and grabbing his backpack. He had a handful of bandaids and laid them in Megumi’s lap. “I have spiderman and hello kitty!” Picking up a sparkly one with strawberries, he held it out to you. “This one’s my favorite!”

“Thanks.” Meguim’s voice wavered slightly and he sniffled a little, but he took the bandaid out of Yuji’s hand and gave it to you to put on him.

“Okay, you’re all better. Go play some more.” A few minutes later Megumi was back on his feet, making sure to stay away from the big structures sticking out of the ground. Sticking around a few seconds longer, you exhaled sharply and turned to Choso.

“So, what was that about teaching me how to skate?”

Choso had never been happier about his decision to come out to the park today. While he loved spending time with his little brother, more than anything else in the world, getting to know you was something that was beginning to rival it.

With his helmet slapped on your head, you looked adorably scared to step on his board. Choosing a corner where no one would skate by, you gripped a concrete column tightly and put a tentative foot on the board.

“I’m scared.” You whined, glancing up at Choso and then back down to your foot.

“Let go of that thing, put more of your weight on the board.” He beckoned you closer, holding out both hands for you to take. Pressing your foot more firmly, you slowly inched your way off the column.

“Oh shit!” Just as you were going to take your other foot off the ground, the board began to slide underneath you. Flailing your arms, you jumped off and a few feet away. “I almost died!”

“It’s okay!” Choso laughed at your dramatics, stopping the board before it could slide too far away. “Take my hand and step on again.”

“You better not let me fall!” Pointing threateningly at him, you took a deep breath and put your foot back on. Bypassing his hand, you gripped his shoulder tightly and shuffled both feet on.

“Bend your knees a little.” Choso’s hand was hovering near your waist. He wasn’t sure if he should grab it or not to help you balance, but you quickly made that decision for him by nearly falling as you leaned too far forward.

“Choso!”

“I got you!” Saving you from certain death, Choso hugged you close to him, putting his foot in front of the wheels to stop it from sliding back and forth. Your fingers were clutching his t-shirt tightly, leaving deep wrinkles in the fabric.

“I don’t think I can do this.” Shaking your head, you forced yourself to stand up straight.

“You haven’t even pushed off yet.” Keeping his hand on your back, Choso let you squeeze the life out of his other hand.

“I don’t know if I want to, you saw me almost die just now.”

“Emphasis on almost.” He chuckled when you swatted at his chest. “Just try it once and then you can say you did it.”

“If I break a leg my mom will be pissed.”

“Don’t break a leg then and you’ll be fine.”

“Shut up.” Giggling at his comment, you squared your shoulders and looked forward. “Okay, I’m going.”

Choso talked you through pushing off, telling you where to put your foot and how to balance on the board while you pressed against the ground. He pulled you along as well, trying to help build up enough speed.

“You’re doing it!” He shouted, trying to let go of you as you started to cruise. You laughed loudly and breathlessly, heart pounding in your ears and legs shaking terribly as you fought to control your body.

“I-I am!” Letting go of Choso’s hand, you slid up to grip his arm. The tiny breaks in the cement were nothing, barely making a dent as you rode over them. What did make a dent, however, was when Choso fully stepped away from you right as the wheels met resistance on a big crack in the ground.

Luckily there was grass in front of you that you could fall into, and you did so with a loud shout accompanying it. With your hands outstretched to break your fall, your knees met the dirt hard and the whole ordeal knocked the wind out of you.

“You okay?” Choso was hunched over you, eyes wide as he knelt down beside you. Taking a moment to roll over and catch your breath, you sat up on your elbow only to be knocked down by Megumi tumbling into you.

“(Y/N)!” Wrapping his arms around your neck, he smooshed his cheek against yours. “You fell!” Nodding at the obvious statement, you wheezed as he squeezed you a bit harder. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine, baby.” Blinking hard as you tried to reorientate yourself, you saw Yuji with his bandaids out.

“Do you need one?” Holding up a large yellow one, he looked you over with the seriousness of a doctor.

“No Yuji, I’m good, not bleeding anywhere.” Patting Megumi’s back, you sat up straighter and eventually made your way back on your feet. “But I think I’m good for now on learning how to skateboard.” Brushing the dirt off your clothes, you glared at the crack you had tripped over.

“That’s fair.” Choso nodded, taking his helmet back from you.

“Don’t get hurt again.” Megumi chided, patting the parts of your body he could reach.

“Promise I won’t.” Hooking your pinky with his, you shook your hands together.”

“Hey Megumi, do you want to skateboard with me?” The question from Choso made Megumi immediately turn away from you, forgetting all about his fallen sibling and nodding so hard he almost fell over.

“Yes!” Megumi ran to grab his things, rushing to put his gear back on and meet Choso at a small ramp. You and Yuji trailed behind, choosing another ramp close by to play with. Yuji had gotten more familiar with his bike, only needing help stopping and staying balanced at times.

“(Y/N), do you and Megumi live close to the park?” He asked, doing circles around you.

“Mhmm, we do.”

“We live close too!” Yuji gasped, taking a second to look at you before going back to his task. “We come all the time, you should come too. And bring Megumi.”

“I have a feeling we’ll be coming by a lot.” You snorted, looking up to see Megumi going down a tiny ramp with Choso right beside him. Megumi was utterly enamored with the older man, completely focused on what he was saying and doing.

Hours passed of the four of you playing together in the park. Megumi showed off his ability to go down a ramp without falling many times, and he and Yuji raced on their respective wheels from one end of the park to the other. You also ate lunch together, Choso chatting you up when he could and ignoring the tingle of nervousness at the back of his mind.

“Ice cream!” As the sun began to set and the clouds were dyed a pastel orange, the shout from another kid alerted Yuji and Megumi, and the distinctive melody of the ice cream man flowed through the air.

“Choso!”

“(Y/N)!” Both boys gasped, looking between you with wide, hopeful eyes.

“I’ll buy.” Choso already had his wallet out and was getting up from the spot in the grass you’d chosen to take up residence in.

“Are you su-”

“Yay!” Jumping up as well, Yuji and Megumi ran to get in line for ice cream.

“Be back in a sec.” Choso didn’t give you the chance to argue about who would pay, already walking over to join them. In just a few minutes time, they were back with big smiles on their faces.

“Look, we got the same one!” Yuji announced to you, holding up the spongebob ice cream he and Megumi both got. “It’s got gum for eyes.”

“Here, we got you one too.” Choso handed you a frozen treat, munching on his own. “Megumi said you liked ice cream sandwiches.”

“You didn’t have to.” Taking a bite, a delightful shiver went up your spine as the treat came in contact with your teeth.

“I wanted to.” He shrugged, eating his ice cream quickly and crumpling up the wrapper. Choso was itching to skate a bit, try some new tricks and potentially show off to you, and now was a good time: there weren’t as many people left at the skatepark, most tired out from a full day and going home.

“I’m gonna skate around a bit.” He announced after gathering up the courage. Picking his board up, Choso made a point to put his helmet on. He wanted to set a good example for Yuji and Megumi and cracking his skull open on the concrete wasn’t the way to achieve that.

“You guys have to watch! Choso is really good at skateboarding!” Yuji was the best wingman Choso could ask for and he didn’t even have to tell him to do anything. Moving closer to the bowl, as you sat down on a bench, both Yuji and Megumi cuddled into your sides.

Choso started off slow, cruising and going over smooth inclines. He’d done many dangerous stunts before in front of a lot of different people, but having you here was making him a bit timid and as he did a kickflip he could only hope you found it exciting.

He refused to look at you as he did a few tricks, grinding down a handrail and popping his board up. A few times he fell or stumbled off and an embarrassed blush overtook his face, contrary to how he would normally brush off any mistakes he made.

“Choso go down there!” Yuji shouted, pointing at the large bowl encompassing the middle of the park.

“Okay!” He yelled back, riding over to it and dropping in with no hesitation. There wasn’t anyone else in with him, so he had full range to do whatever he wanted. Going as fast as he could, his shirt clung to his body from the force of the wind passing by.

“Woah!” Megumi shouted, lurching forward to see Choso carving across a curve and popping up, flipping his board in the air a few times before landing back down and skating away. “(Y/N) did you see that?!”

“I did.” As impressed as you were by the trick, Megumi was ten times that. Every single move, Megumi was inch further and further off the bench until he was right at the edge of the bowl and bouncing up and down in excitement.

“C’mere.” Hopping out, Choso lifted Megumi under his armpits and put him on the board. Setting his feet around Megumi, Choso dropped back in, holding the boy around his waist as they pumped up and over curves. Megumi let out happy squeals as they rode up ramps and along the railing of the bowl.

After both Yuji and Megumi had a chance to ride in the bowl with Choso, they were properly exhausted. Flopping onto you once more, they were almost too tired to watch Choso finish his run.

When it was time to leave, Choso was pleasantly surprised to learn that you lived in the same direction as him, getting the chance to walk you home.

“So uh, what’d you think?” He asked as you headed out of the park, Yuji half asleep in his arms. “Of my skating.”

“It was really cool.” You flashed him a smile, your own little brother walking slowly next to you. “And I know Megumi loved it too.”

“Awesome.” Letting out a quick sigh of relief, Choso rushed out his next words. “I should give you my number so our brothers can hang out again.”

“Totally! Yuji was saying earlier that he wanted me to bring Megumi back to the park.” Choso would seriously have to thank Yuji later. He quickly got your number, already trying to cook up a reason to text you that wasn’t related to his brother.

“You live here?” Coming upon your house, Choso’s brows rose. “We live just down the street, at the end of the block.” It makes sense now why there were moving vans here just a few weeks ago.

“Guess that makes us neighbors, huh?” Ruffling Megumi’s hair, you gestured to Choso. “Say goodbye, baby.”

“Bye Choso, bye Yuji.” Megumi waved, already shuffling toward the front door. Yuji barely waved back, snuggling closer into Choso’s shoulder.

“I’ll text you later, okay? Maybe we can get frozen yogurt or something?” You said, beginning to slide your feet across the pavement after Megumi. Choso was probably just projecting his own emotions but he could have sworn you looked a little nervous asking.

“That’d be awesome.” A light blush dusted his cheeks and he nodded like a fool. “I’m free whenever.”

“See you later.” Giving one last final wave, you closed the door behind you, leaving Choso on the sidewalk. Turning abruptly, he walked down to his house, keeping his head down to avoid anyone seeing the large, uninhibited smile on his cheeks. He was really happy he went to the park today.

[deiliamedlini]

Slipping on Ice

Summary: Link is forced to take his little sister Aryll ice skating at 7am, and they suddenly have to share the rink.

~Modern Zelink AU ~

Word count: 4644

Or read on Ao3!

~~

“Link, you missed the turn!”

Aryll sat forward from the backseat and tried to point frantically at the road, only for the seatbelt to lock and send her backwards. There were several loud clicks, and she closed her eyes in defeat before Link could say a single smart word, because now she was stuck with the seatbelt completely trapping her.

“Can I fix my seatbelt?”

“No. We’re almost there. Suck it up.”

“You’re mean!” she groaned, leaning her head on the window.

Link glanced at her in the rearview mirror before making a U turn into the near-empty parking lot.

He leaned his head back against the hard headrest and closed his eyes, wishing he hadn’t promised his mother that he’d do anything if she let him go to a party over the weekend. He was 18, he shouldn’t even need to ask permission anymore.

“Come on! Come on! Come on!!” Aryll chanted, shaking the driver’s seat with her little hands.

“One day, Aryll, you’ll actually want to sleep in, and then I’ll wake you up to drag you somewhere stupid.”

“Nowhere is stupid!” she countered, whipping her door open and leaning against the window to eerily peer at him.

Glancing at the clock, he rolled his eyes. It was 6:58am and here he was spending the first day of his week-long vacation taking Aryll ice-skating. He double checked his wallet to make sure the 30 rupees his mother had given him were still there and then reluctantly dragged himself from the car.

Aryll was bursting with excitement, bouncing up and down as her plush coat swished with every excited move she made. She pulled her gloves from her pocket—her favorites that had seagulls on them despite the cold—and fiddled to get her fingers in as she stared into the glass door, waiting for whoever to unlock the doors.

Link, on the other hand, was miserable. He was so tired. He wasn’t one of those people who could function with a coffee and just 4 hours of sleep, so he closed his eyes for the next two minutes while leaning against the metal handrail. It didn’t feel cold; everything was cold. Why Aryll wanted to go to an indoor ice rink was beyond him, but he didn’t really care whether it was indoor, outdoor, or on the moon: he didn’t want to go.

“Fix your hat, Link,” she said to him, tapping on her own. She made a twisting motion.

Feeling for the emblem of the Rito Fliers on his knit hat, he pulled it off and retied his sloppily thrown-in ponytail before returning the hat so that the emblem was back in the center.

Finally, the employee came up to the door and stared at Link with equally weary eyes. Link didn’t recognize him, but honestly, he could have been at the party too, given his age and his general disposition that seemed ready to just die a little bit.

He let out a heavy sigh and unlocked the door.

Aryll didn’t even give him enough time to get out of the way before she’d accosted him.

“Hi! One adult and one child please! And we’ll need to rent skates!”

“I’m not skating,” Link muttered, grabbing the rupees. If he could avoid the skate rental and the admission fee, he could pocket the rest of the rupees.

Aryll glared at him as though he’d just told her that he’d killed her best friend. “You’re skating with me, or I’ll tell mom and dad that you didn’t. I’ll call them right now!”

Grimacing, Link handed over the rest of the rupees and told the man their sizes before turning toward Aryll’s smug expression. “No one wants to be friends with a dirty rat, you know.”

“I’m not dirty. And I haven’t told anyone yet, so I’m not technically a rat either.”

“No one wants to be friends with a smart mouth.”

“At least I’m smart.”

He made a face and leaned heavily against the counter until the guy returned with their skates. Link took them while Aryll bolted through the doors and into the rink.

It was freezing.

The chill hadn’t been enough to wake him up, but it was enough to make him a bit more alert. He looked around the deserted room, his footsteps echoing in the silence and making him more self-conscious than he already was about being here. What if Mipha saw him here? Would she laugh at him for his inability to skate? Would she make fun of him for spending the first day of his vacation with his little sister? Would she even notice he was there?

Not that any of that mattered. Mipha was dating Revali.

It was just a crush. On the most popular girl in school. Who was also gorgeous. But he’d never even said three words to her, so why would she care if he was here anyway?

“Hey! Link! Come on! Give me my skates!”

Shaking his head to snap himself out of it, he descended the stairs and tossed Aryll’s skates in front of her.

“Rude.”

“That’s for making me actually skate and blackmailing me.”

“I’ve seen you skate, Link. If you can even call it skating. It’s more like shuffling.”

“Shut up.”

Aryll grinned while she slid into her skates, testing them out before heading to the door onto the ice.

“Hey, wait!” Link called, gesturing to the spot in front of him.

“What?”

Link set his shoes down and knelt on the ground. “Put your foot up. It’s like mom never taught you to tie shoes.”

Groaning, Aryll threw her head back and set her skate against Link’s leg so he could retie it. The force that he pulled at the strings had her jerking back in surprise, and nearly toppling over, but she kept her balance and watched Link as he knotted the laces a few times. Admittedly, it did feel like a better fit when he was done.

“Other one.”

He shook his head as he pulled the loose strings. “Honestly, I thought you knew what you were doing.” He pulled the laces and Aryll swayed again.

“I do! I’m just… not the best shoe-tier.”

Satisfied, he patted the side of her foot. “Okay; go ahead. I’ll be out in a minute. But you know you’re kind of on your own, right?”

“Oh, I know!” she laughed, finally gliding onto the ice with an ease that Link was reluctant to admit he envied.

He put his own skates on slowly, glancing up every now and then to make sure Aryll hadn’t cracked her head open or anything terrible like that. He’d have no idea how to get to her if something happened, but she had been adamant that her classes made her good enough to know how to fall and how to jump and how to glide.

No one else knew how to ice skate, so sending Link was as good as sending anyone else with her. Plus, despite their occasional snippiness, Link would protect Aryll with his life, and their parents knew that enough to trust him alone with her at an ice rink. He’d find a way onto that ice faster than someone could call an ambulance.  

Link let out a deep breath again and set his phone inside his shoe before standing up. It wasn’t as bad as he remembered. He could do this, for sure.

That attitude went out the window the second his first skate hit the ice.

“Oh, shit,” he hissed, already unsteady with one foot still on land. Land? Is that what it was called now?

“Sound carries in here!” Aryll chided, swishing by him tauntingly.

He waited until she was on the opposite side of the rink before clutching the boards for dear life, throwing his other foot over and slipping like was… on ice, he supposed. His feet couldn’t stabilize, and it was all up to his arms to hold him up until he managed to regain his balance.

Sliding his hand along the boards, he pulled himself as far as he could until the plexiglass took over, and he was forced to slide his fingers into the narrow gap for any grip.

He hadn’t lifted his legs yet, but he was where the net would be in hockey, so he let go for a second and glanced back at Aryll. “Better than you thought I could do, huh?”

She skated up to him and then turned herself backwards, judging him with her arms across her chest as she disappeared.

“Critic,” he muttered, trying to lift his foot. He could only manage to get his right off the ground, and he kept trying to dig the front of his skate into the ice to push himself forward, because that’s what everyone in those videos Aryll made him watch with her last night did. He managed a shuffle, and every time he felt himself going, he grabbed for that little spot under the glass to steady himself, and then dragged himself along.

“You really suck,” Aryll said on her next pass.

“Hey! Language! You’re like, five!”

“I’m not five!” she called back. It was a running joke between them because Link needed to do math to figure out Aryll’s age. He always had to subtract six years from his own age to figure hers out, but she still seemed younger to him. Maybe she’d always be that way just because he was the oldest. Maybe, she’d be in her thirties one day and Link would still think she was a teenager.

It took a long time and several taunts from Aryll, but Link made it around the whole rink once, while Aryll had probably circled it nearly two hundred times. He’d gone around again, but he was stopped, watching Aryll practice her jumps when he heard the echo of footsteps entering the rink.

It was a public place, he knew, but they’d gone early to avoid people, not to share.

But wow, any semblance of annoyance he had disappeared when he saw the girl hurrying down the steps with a gym bag slung over her shoulder.

She had long blonde hair that fell over her shoulders, and really that was all Link could see from that distance, but he did have a thing for blondes, and that was all he needed to feel an instant infatuation. But of course, his nerves shot up tenfold because now there was a hot blonde who’d watch him not know how to skate and probably fall on his ass.

He dragged himself around a bit more, trying to just keep his eyes on his feet instead of on her, but he was a sucker and glanced up.

She was watching Aryll with a fond smile on her face before she stood up and moved onto the ice.

Link shivered while he looked her over. She had a loose short-sleeved shirt on, her sports bra straps showing on her shoulders, and she was in a pair of leggings that hugged her a little too perfectly. He groaned to himself. She had to be hot. Physically, not temperature wise because honestly, she looked like she might be pretty cold.

After pulling himself along a little more—and then trying to shuffle his feet rather than drag himself like he was trying to lead a stubborn horse—he needed to pause to rest. So, he watched Aryll and the girl skate around the rink.

The girl neared him as she was making a turn around the rink, like a warmup, and smiled shyly at him when she noticed his gaze on her.

Shit. She probably didn’t want to be watched just as much as he didn’t. And Goddess, her eyes had been so green they’d nearly made him do a double take. But no! No double takes! She didn’t want to be watched!

It wasn’t until he heard Aryll’s loud “Whoa!” that he looked back out, clutching the boards again as he whipped his head and lost his balance. He expected to see Aryll on the ground, but she was just watching the other girl in awe. And honestly, so was Link.

She was spinning, but not like a normal person. Her arms were tucked against her chest and she spun like those people on the television who competed for medals and awards.

Her arms went out gracefully as she ended it like it was no big deal. Like she didn’t look like someone had just perfectly spun a coin.

She smiled at Aryll, and Goddess above, her smile was gorgeous and inviting and why did she have to be here?

The girl then leaped, some sort of near perfect split in the air before landing and sending Aryll another grin.

“How do you do that?” Aryll asked.

“Aryll!” Link called, chastising her. “Let the lady practice in peace.”

“No, it’s okay with me if it’s okay with you,” she said, stopping just in front of him.

Oh, she was so much prettier up close: freckles that scattered along her face, her long hair tied back into a much better ponytail than his own, glowing skin, impressive muscles. And she wasn’t too bad in the… no, he had to keep his eyes up! Only to be captured in her green ones. Expectant.

“What?” he asked, realizing that she was waiting for an answer from him, but entirely forgetting the question.

“I don’t want to talk to her or help her out if you’re not okay with it. That’s all. You are with her, right?”

“Yeah,” he said quickly, looking at Aryll’s clear eavesdropping expression as she pretended to be distracted, though her eager face gave her away. “Yeah, go ahead. She likes all that… spinning stuff.”

The girl bit her lip to stop herself from giggling at ‘spinning stuff.’ Goddess, he was stupid. What a stupid thing to say to someone who clearly knows what they’re doing.

He kept shuffling, trying in earnest now to block out their conversation so he could focus on the simple task of going forward.

His attention was torn between making sure Aryll wasn’t being kidnapped and wondering how he’d ever cross the rink to save her if she was. But all he saw was the girl demonstrating something before Aryll tried it, and the girl’s face lit up as she clapped in encouragement.

The entrance of the rink was back in his sight, so he was less concerned about watching Aryll and more focused on his feet.

Which is why he didn’t see the girl until she was right in front of him.

“You should move away from the boards and look up rather than at your feet. It’ll help.”

Even her voice was gorgeous. Goddess above…

“I’ll fall,” he said simply, his hand still on the board.

“Yeah. You have to fall.”

“You haven’t fallen and you’re doing all those… spins. So I don’t think that logic works.”

The girl skated backwards in front of him. “Do you really think I haven’t fallen?”

“No, of course not,” he muttered. Someone who was that good had to have learned through a few spills over the years.

“Then trust me. Look up and get away from the boards. Stop worrying about falling.”

She skated back over to Aryll, demonstrating something else for his sister to try.

With their attention diverted, he pushed away from the boards and kept his eyes on the wall straight ahead.

And promptly felt his skates slide away from him, wide and uneven, throwing him entirely off balance until he hit the ice with a hard thud.

Knowing that both their eyes were on him now, he tried to get to his feet quickly, but that only ended with him slipping and hitting his chin on the ground. So, face burning with utter embarrassment, he rested his forehead against his arm so he could scream internally for a hot second before trying again.

When he looked up, the girl was crouched down in front of him. “Do you need help?”

He could either: stay on the ice like a flattened pancake, or let the hot girl realize that he really is an embarrassment for being unable to get to his own feet.

Looking back at her, he was struck by how she didn’t smile. She wasn’t laughing at him, or enjoying his pain. She wasn’t pitying him either. She just looked… like this was normal.

“Y-yeah,” he found himself saying, taking her outstretched hand.

He shuddered at the contact of her skin on his. She helped him flip onto his stomach and then to his knees before she pulled him up. “Is this your first time skating?”

Lie, or tell the truth?

Something about her wide, earnest green eyes had him sucking up his pride. “No, I just suck.”

“Everyone sucks at the beginning. Once you get it, you’ll be flying like the Rito,” she laughed, tapping the emblem on his hat. Then she blushed furiously, her whole face turning a shade of pink as she let go of his hand and moved backwards. “Sorry. Personal space issues sometimes when I’m on the rink.”

“No, it’s okay,” he muttered, unable to get his voice any louder. His hands were out to steady himself, but he slipped again, landing on his knee.

This time, she did smile, but it was soft and she held her hand out again.

“Your sister could teach you. She said she’s been taking skating lessons for a while.”

Scoffing harshly, Link shook his head and glanced at Aryll, who was blissfully making loops around the rink, unconcerned with them. But he took her hand again.

This time, she didn’t let go. She shook it. “I’m Zelda.”

He glanced at their clasped hands and raised his eyebrows, shocked that she was even telling him her name. “Link.”

She gave him a tug before letting go of him, letting him coast in the momentum. “So, you… um… go to school around here?”

He looked back at his feet so they didn’t get away from him, but he heard Zelda tsk, so he looked back at her. “Yeah. I’m in my last year at Faron High.”

Her smile broadened. “I’m in my last year at Labrynna!”

Hot, kind, and his own age.

Link took her in, suddenly feeling guilty; as much as he wanted to fall again just so she’d offer her hand one more time, he didn’t know her. “I’m sorry for taking up your time. Thanks for helping.”

“I don’t mind,” she said, glancing at Aryll for a while. “I’m always here, so it’s nice to have a different morning. And I like meeting new people.”

And just like that, the guilt faded away from him. “Always here? You a professional skater?”

“Not professional,” she said, offering her hand again. “I’ve done competitions.”

This time, he didn’t know why she was offering, so he hesitated before getting sucked in by her genuine smile. She tugged him again and he started to glide with her again.

He chuckled and kept his eyes off his feet. “You good at it?” Zelda raised an eyebrow, so he quickly waved his hands. “I-I mean, you looked incredible, but anyone who can move forward deserves a medal in my eyes. So, my comparisons aren’t great.”

Zelda bit her lip and shrugged. “I’ve done well.”

That, Link knew, was code for ‘yes, I’m very good,’ but from someone far humbler than himself.

After checking on Aryll, Zelda nodded to herself as she looked over Link. “You’re doing better already.”

“I am?” he asked, glancing at his feet.

Which, of course, sent him lurching forward until he hit the ice.

Zelda giggled this time, covering her mouth to try to stifle it. “I’m sorry! I threw off your focus!”

Link groaned and made it halfway to his feet before taking her hand this time. Well, he was getting better at falling anyway.

She didn’t let go.

Instead, she held out her other hand. “I can help keep you balanced so you can try moving your feet.”

One more hit, and Link was sure he’d wake up from this dream. Because what was even happening right now?

Well, if this was a dream, might as well go for it. And if it wasn’t… what could he do that’s more embarrassing than he’d already done?

So, he took her hand.

She pulled him with her for a moment before gesturing to his feet. “You should try… you know… skating.”

“Right,” he said, admittedly holding her a little tighter as he tried to push off the ice but stumbled.

She steadied him, but before he knew it, she was clicking her tongue at him again. “Link, stop looking at your feet.”

The sound of his name on her lips had his head jerking up far faster than he meant to. He was like an eager puppy, and he knew it.

Once they’d gone around a little more, Zelda loosened her grip. “I’m going to let go. Keep going. You’re doing really good.”

He blew out some air as she released him, and his arms shot out to his sides to keep him steady. But he was doing it. He was going forward.

He couldn’t help the triumphant little laugh that escaped from his lips.

“So, you’re not hopeless after all!” Aryll said as she skated beside him. “It’s taken him forever to figure this out! I even tried to show him videos yesterday.”

Defensive, Link glared at Aryll. “I tried to do it their way. But I couldn’t figure out the toe thing.”

Zelda raised an eyebrow again. “Toe thing?”

“Yeah, they kept pushing off with their toe or something, but I can’t get it.”

Goddess, Zelda was perfect, because she lifted her foot up to show off her skate while still skimming backwards in front of him. “This thing?” she asked, pointing to a sharp barb looking thing in the front of the blade.

“Yeah, they pushed off with that, but I couldn’t figure out how to do it.”

Zelda laughed again as she set her foot down. “These are for figure skating. The ones you have on are for hockey. No toe pick. They’re different.”

“They are?” he asked, trying—and failing—to get a good look at his own skates. “I thought they were all the same.”

“They’re not,” she said, her cheeks pinching her eyes with her smile. “You know, you’ve been skating this whole time without falling.”

“It’s a miracle,” Aryll muttered.

Link turned to her with a glare. “You’d better watch it, because when I get really good, I’m going to pick you up and throw you across the ice, and you better know how to stick that landing or you’ll end up on your ass.”

“First off, language,” Aryll huffed. “Second off, that sounds fun, so go ahead.”

He scoffed and playfully pushed her, though it did little more than throw him off balance for a moment. And when he looked up, he could see that people were starting to come into the rink quickly.

Zelda sighed and watched them with a sad expression. “I know them. They always just completely take over the ice. It’s a pain.”

Link finally stopped moving when he saw who it was. Mipha, Revali, and their friends were laughing boisterously as they took their seats in the bleachers to get their skates on.

Zelda looked between them and Link. “Do you know them?”

“Kind of. They go to my school, but we don’t talk.”

Zelda stared at them, specifically at Mipha, before muttering to herself. “Wow. She’s really pretty. I’d kill to look like her.”

Looking Zelda  over, Link was glad that Aryll had taken a turn around the rink without them. Because he didn’t think he’d have the courage to say anything if she’d been around as his audience.

“I know a stranger’s opinion isn’t worth anything but… personally, I prefer blondes.”

Whipping around, an incredulous look on her face, Zelda lost her balance and fell back onto the ice. She barely seemed like she noticed, pulling her legs up to her so she could stare open mouthed at Link until she regained her composure.

Her face was bright red, and she couldn’t quite meet Link’s eyes as she laughed to herself. But finally, she worked up to it and her gaze had him pinned.

“Yeah, I do too.”

Link nodded nervously before he started to chuckle and held his hand out to help her up.

She took it as a courtesy, but got up on her own so she didn’t pull him down when he’d spent so long getting his balance.

This time, when their hands lingered too long, the energy between them was palpable, and both of them were blushing.

Aryll skated up to them. “I’m hungry. Can we go to Windy’s?”

Link glanced apologetically at Zelda, and she followed them back to the gate, watching as they both pulled at the laces in much the same aggressively impatient manner. It had her grinning.

“You know,” she said when Link stood up. “I’m here at 7:30 whenever there isn’t school. I’ll be here tomorrow, if Aryll would like some more help.”

Her eyes were distinctively flirty, and Link was beyond glad that Aryll was still too young to recognize it, because she gasped in excitement. “Can we, Link?”

He didn’t look at Aryll, too entranced by Zelda’s blatant invitation. “We’ll ask mom, but if she says you can, I’ll bring you. If not… I might just come here alone.” His lips tipped up, and he prayed that the red in his cheeks and down his neck just looked like it was from the cold.

“No fair! But mom will say yes if you’re bringing me so she can go back to sleep!”

Link didn’t even realize how awake he’d become since Zelda came into the rink.

Zelda pushed a loose piece of hair behind her ears that had come free in her fall. “Okay then. I’ll see you both tomorrow. For lessons.”

Aryll beamed. “Maybe you can come for lunch with us tomorrow?”

Zelda bit her lip and looked over at Link, who was now staring at the floor so she couldn’t see his expression. But she thought he was cute when he was nervous. “Link? What do you think?”

Forced to look up at her, he knew she could see how eager he was to just straight out say yes. It was all over his face, and burning in his eyes. “If you’d like to,” he said carefully. “I have no objections.” He finished sliding his normal shoes back on before standing up.

“Okay. I look forward to it. I’ll see you tomorrow Aryll. Link.”

He stepped forward, a little too close to where she leaned on the board. “Zelda.”

Her mouth dropped into a smile as he used her name for the first time.

Link patted Aryll’s shoulder to lead her up the stairs before taking one more look behind him at Zelda.

They were halfway up the steps when Link pointed to Aryll. “Do not tell mom that there is a pretty girl involved.”

But Aryll smiled. “Your voice carries, Link.”

Spinning around on the stairs, he saw Zelda beaming as she giggled. But she—thankfully—pushed off the board and twirled once before skating away, her eyes on them until she no longer could see where they stood.

And when Link glanced at Mipha as they passed, and he felt that his infatuation with her had faded to near nothing from the time he’d gotten out of the car to the time he got into it once again. He knew he was doomed. because the only one on his mind now was Zelda.

He’d never been more excited to set an early alarm.

[chiliiscereal]

Sample chapter of:

Hamato Elisabetta Sirani

-Tot days

When Splinter finds an abandoned child in an alley way he takes it upon himself to bring her into the Hamato family.

(Takes place during their tot days! This story will be broken up into different sections based on different parts of their lives. It’ll progressively tackle deeper subjects and deeper meanings in life. It starts out really fluffy but it’ll get there lol.)

Year thirteen

"HAMATO ELISABETTA SIRANI!" The voice yelled loudly.

Her father.

Well, not really.

He wasn’t her real father.

Sirani couldn't hear him. Or rather, she didn't want to.

She wanted to be left in the afterglow of destruction.

She wanted to feel nothing.

She wanted to be swallowed up in fire.

She wanted to finally let herself be brought under by violent waves.

She placed her hands over her ears, crumpling to the cement road.

"You gotta stop!" Another voice yelled, faintly sounding like her older brother.

Leo.

"Please! You need to stop!"

Mikey.

"You're hurting people!"

Raph.

"You're gonna destroy New York!"

Donnie.

The tears never stopped falling.

Not even for a second,

"Then let it fall."

Day one

Rain poured down from the rooftops as if it was dropped from buckets. The shadows grew more as the sun continued to lower itself in the horizon. Not a single person wanted to be out in a storm like this.

Unfortunately, someone had to be.

 "I told the boys! I told them!" Splinter grumbled to himself as he dug through the garbage cans in the alley. "I told them to let me know when we were low on supplies! But NOoooooo it's too hard!" He shook his head, whiskers twitching with irritation.

He wouldn't have to be out in the pouring rain looking for any form of nutrition if Leo had looked over their supplies like he'd been asked. He wouldn't have to be out in the cold searching for bandaids if Mikey hadn't thought skating down the stairs was a good idea!

How did that boy even get his hands on one? He barely knew how to walk! Sure, he could toddle for a couple feet but that didn't count!  

  If it were up to him he'd have all their skateboards locked up.

 His grumbling was interrupted by the sound of approaching footsteps. They were loud and fast... like someone was running.

 How was he able to hear that over the storm-

 Wait...

If he could hear them running...

And it was getting louder...

Then that must mean they were getting closer...

They were getting closer!

The rat jumped behind a garbage can quickly, breath quickening.

He listened intently.

Why would someone be running in a storm like this? Were they also fixing the mistakes of their children?

He peeked around the corner when the footsteps stopped.

Someone he couldn't quite make out was standing on the sidewalk, drenched to the bone.

 He sunk further into the shadows when they turned their head to scan the trashy area.

 Were they looking for him?

Did they finally get discovered?

Would he and his children finally end up being taken to a zoo or experimented on by scientists? Become mocked by the public?

But the person didn't seem like they were looking for someone.

They weren't rummaging through trash.

They were... placing something in it?

He managed to make out the rectangular shape of a box as the person placed it amongst the garbage bags.

He waited to see what they'd do next.  

They didn't do anything. They just left a lingering touch and straightened back up. They glanced back out at the street and drew whatever article of clothing they had tighter to their body.

 It was almost as if they were waiting for something. Or deciding.

But deciding on what?

Splinter inched forward curiously, accidentally knocking over an empty bottle with his tail.

He jumped when it shattered against the cement ground and whipped around to see how the unseen person would react to something breaking out of seemingly no where.

They were gone.

Just an sidewalk, a worried rat, and a... crying box?

Why was the box crying?

Was this a trap?

Was it Baron Draxum?

The foot?

Did his past finally catch up to him?

The crying grew louder and Splinter couldn't stop himself from inching forward. He had to know what was in there!

How lucky would he be if there also happened to be some food and bandaids in there.

Carefully, he took off the now soaked cardboard lid.

It wasn't a trap.

It wasn't supplies either.

And it definitely wasn't baron draxum.

It was a baby.

A tiny human baby, wrapped in a little pink onesie. Her soft brown hair was plastered to her forehead with rain.

She couldn't be much younger than Mikey.

Splinter took a step back.

Did that person MEAN to leave this child in a dark, cold alley?! Did they know someone would find it?!

 The baby cried again, shivering.

Splinter couldn't help himself.

He reached down into the box and picked her up carefully.

It was then that he noticed the packages of dry formula and bottle that had been in there with her.

Whoever left her...

They'd done it on purpose.

The poor rat man didn't know what to do.

He couldn't bring her to the police! He was a rat!

He couldn't follow after that person! They were already gone!

However... Splinter happened to be an expert at adopting creatures that weren't his.

He held the child closer, trying to give her his warmth.

What was one more child for the Hamato family going to do? Nothing bad, in Splinters opinion.

He had experience with human children before. If anything this should be easier than raising four mutant turtle boys.

They might appreciate some new company as well.

 It was decided.

The child was officially a Hamato now.

He grabbed the box with the formula and bottle and headed back for the sewer lid, the fussing child in his hands.

————-

The lair was stuck in the same chaos there was when he had left.

"Dad said no skating!" Donnie yelled, trying to catch Mikey as he zipped past him while lying belly down on the board.

 Mikey giggled, not even bothering to stop . He swerved to the right to avoid hitting Leo.

 "you need to learn how to walk right!" His purple masked brother protested. He nearly tripped over his own feet. "You're using the board as a crutch!"

 "Mikey you ran over my foot!" Raph yelled, clutching his toes. "DAD!"

 "Dad's not here, Raph!" Leo yelled, watching Mikey zoom past. "But it's my turn on the skateboard!" He joined Donnie in his chase after their brother via crawling.

Only Donnie really knew how to walk right at this age.

Well, Donnie and Raph that is. Raph could walk since he was a year older than Leo and two years older than Mikey. Donnie could walk because he was determined to beat Leo at something. He'd even taken it upon himself to read a how-to-walk article on the internet.

Mikey and Leo were still wobbly and couldn't run without their legs getting carried away and leading them face first into the ground.

Mikey was the only one that wasn't very good with his words yet as well.

He sure could shout and scream though.

Splinter shook his head at his children. "It is no ones turn on the skateboard!" He adjusted his grip on the little girl and gave the boys a stern look. "I have told you time and time again that it is too dangerous for you!

 They immediately stopped what they were doing.

 Mikey rolled off the board and looked at the ground sheepishly.

 The rat snatched the device from the ground. "I want change. Not guilt" He set it on the 'do not touch' shelf much to the dismay of his children.

 Leo's attention was drawn from the loss of his entertainment to whatever it was that Splinter was carrying. The way he held it was so careful. Like it was delicate. It had to be something special.

"What's that?" He pointed at the pink bundle. "Is it a toy?"

 "bandaids?" His box turtle brother asked hopefully as he pointing at his still hurting knee.

 "A science expiriment?" Donnie inquired, adjusting his rectangle glasses.

  Raph joined in before Splinter could even open his mouth. "Food?"

 "No, this is not food!" Splinter rolled his eyes. "This, my children, is the newest member of the family." He set the baby down in Soft shelled ones arms, curious to see how his boys would react.

The boys eyes went wide and no one spoke.

It was silent for a minute.

Maybe two.

They stared at the sleeping baby in confusion.

Wonder.

Curiosity.

The brothers huddled around to stare at it.

Splinter was satisfied. They were intrigued. Not mad. Not jealous.

So far, so good.

 Finally Donnie sat down, poking the girls face. "You mean as a pet?" He frowned up at his father. What was he meant to do with this creature? Was he supposed to feed and water it like a plant? Was it like those frogs he saw high school students dismember in biology on tv?

 "No, she is your sister." The rat nodded. "Now get acquainted while I go get her food ready."

The boys watched the kid with silent interest.

All but Mikey that is.

The boy hadn't really understood what Splinter meant so he went back to plotting to get the board back.

 Leo watched Splinter until he was out of the room, turning his attention to the baby in his brothers arms. "Sister? She doesn't really... look like us." He glanced at his own green skin and back at the baby's porcelain face.  "Is she even a turtle?" He asked as Donnie sat on the floor next to him.

  "Doesn't look like a turtle to me." Raph frowned. "There's no shell!" He pulled down the blanket she was wrapped in to get a better look.

 "I bet she's a bird!" Leo grinned. "She's gotta be a bird if she came from outside!"

Maybe she’d teach him how to fly! Maybe she’d teach him how to soar and build nests!

 Donnie rolled his eyes at his aliterate siblings. "Birds have feathers, Leo."

Were they seriously this dumb? Did they not know what a bird was?

 "Birds don't need feathers!" Leo protested. "Raph and I saw a featherless chicken on the tv this morning and it was EXACTLY this color." He poked the baby's arm and held one of her fingers.

Why did she have so many?

They were… small.

Donnie set his mouth in a straight line. "Leo, this is obviously a human baby."

 "Human?" Raph questioned.

 "You know... those people that are built like us but without shells and a different color on Sesame Street? They have five fingers?" He attempted at jogging their memories. "Like Mr. Noodle?"

 "She's Mr. Noodle?!" Leo gasped. "Who turned him into a child?!" He snatched the girl from his arms quickly and held her out. "MR. NOODLE! I’M YOUR BIGGEST FAN!"

 "She's NOT Mr. Noodle!" Donnie yelled.

The baby opened her eyes sleepily, awakened by the noise.

One was a soft honey brown.

The other was like the sky that the boys had only seen once before when Splinter took them outside.

"Woahhhhh..." Raph marveled. "Definetely not Mr. Noodle!"

Was it possible for people to have two different colored eyes?

Did all humans have that?

The ones on Sesame Street didn’t…

"What gave you that idea." Donnie rolled his eyes.

He couldn’t help but be intrigued by the different colors. How in all of science was this possible? He hadn’t ever heard of anything like this before!

 "Well, turtle or not, we're keeping her!" Leo held the small girl up proudly. "Welcome to the family!" He pointed out across the room dramatically. "Everything the light touches... or rather doesn't touch... is yours!"

 Splinter nearly had a heart attack when he saw how the confused child was being held. "Blue! You don't hold children like that!" He rushed from the kitchen and took the girl from him.

  "How am I supposed to hold her?" Leo pouted. "She didn't tell me I was doing it wrong!"

 The rat father barely could keep his face palm on the inside. "She is a baby, blue. She does not talk yet." He cradled the baby so the boys could see how to do it. "It is like this. See? You hold her head like so and she is safe in your arms."

  "Like a burrito!" Raph reached up excitedly. "Can I try?"

 Splinter set the child in his arms carefully.

 Raph adjusted his hold to copy what his father had done. "Like this?"

 "Very good, Red!" Splinter patted his head.

 "Move over!" Leo yelled at his brother. "I wanna try!"

  "Me to!" The smallest yelled, losing interest in the board. He didn't really know what they were talking about. All he knew was that if his brothers wanted it then he should want it to.

  "I'm the one that figured out she's human!" Donnie joined. "I deserve to hold her!"

 "You will all get a chance to hold her!" Splinter shut down their bickering immediately. "After all, she's spending her life with us. It is up to us as her family to help her grow."

 The boys nodded confidently.

They had a responsibility for this tiny child now.

Raph was excited to have a sibling who wouldn’t shoot down his ideas. Someone who would marvel at everything he did. Someone he could teach. Someone new to play with. There were so many more games they could play now that they had five people! He’d help her ride a bike, learn how to read, learn how to fight, and he’d help her become a member of their small family.

Donnie was less enthralled. Would he have to share? Would he have to babysit? Would this new sister make fun of his science? What if she was just like Leo? What if she started competitions with him that he couldn’t win?

Leo still didn’t fully understand that this child was his sister now; that she’d be staying forever. He was too excited to realize that. He’d be able to prank her! He had someone new to bother when he and Donnie got into fights!

Mikey still didn’t know what was going on. He just guessed that this would be the way they rolled from now on.

Neat.

 "What's her name?" Leo asked, patting the baby's now dried brown hair.

She gripped his hand softly, confused by the green color.

 Splinter pondered on what he should say. The child hadn't been given a name. There was nothing in the box that would even suggest one.

  But, his sons were named after great renaissance painters.

Maybe he should follow that tradition.

One of his mothers favorite artists was a woman by the name of Elisabetta Sirani.

He took his one idea and ran with it.

"Her name is Sirani." He nodded proudly. "Elisabetta Sirani."

Will also be posted on noandisaidno on wattpad!

@dakotafinely

@amirulamani

[ericsonclan]

He Was a Skater Boy

Summary: Gabe skateboards over to Ericson High to have a pudding eating contest with his uncle when suddenly he meets someone he had never seen before.

Word Count: 2067

Read on AO3:

Gabe sprinted down the hallway of Delta High, his backpack whacking against his back as his sneakers squeaked against the tiled floor. “Shit, sorry, sorry,” Gabe dodged fellow students as he continued to run. His right hand clutched his skateboard tightly and he soon found himself outside of the school building.

Gabe tilted his head back and took a deep breath. That was it, the smell of freedom. His left hand sloppily readjusted his beanie and he set down his board to skate off to meet up with his uncle. Javi had told him that he had worked out a deal with a lunch lady at Ericson High to get them a mountain of pudding. It was finally time that they put their money where their mouths were. They were going to have the ultimate pudding eating contest.

Gabe had been sure to eat light at lunch to prepare in advance for this. His dad would be pissed if he knew that he had skimmed on lunch all in the name of a pudding eating contest. He would be furious if he knew it was to spend time with Javi. Gabe took a deep breath and shook off any negative thoughts. Placing his left foot on the skateboard he used his right to kick off and began the journey to Ericson High - the monster school.

Gabe zoomed forward and pulled his beanie down, turning his head to the side to avoid catching attention from Joey or Justin. Those two never let go of grudges and ever since Gabe had helped Violet they had always bugged him whenever they had the chance. Gabe skated forward and saw that he was reaching the staircase. As he hopped up, Gabe’s backpack lifted in the air before the board landed on the staircase bar. It screeched lightly as he slid down the bar; Gabe smiled to himself and hopped off to land with ease at the bottom of the stairs. Pushing his foot against the ground, he continued to skate forward.

Mariana was sure missing out today. It was just her luck that she got caught on a silly prank and her partner in crime had ratted her out. Usually Gabe would stay back for her and treat her to some popsicles but he really didn’t want to miss today. It was hard to find time to hang out with his uncle. Especially lately with how much his dad had grown to distrust monsters. Gabe turned his focus back on the joy of skateboarding. Today was supposed to be a fun day. He tilted his head back and let the breeze blow through his hair that stuck out of his beanie. Moments like this were when he felt truest to himself. School had always felt like an obligation and after seeing how cool Ericson High was Gabe had grown somewhat jealous of his friend Clementine. She got to go to such a cool place every day while Gabe had to deal with annoying bullies and uncaring teachers who sort of irked him.

But that was just him being jealous. He knew that monsters had to deal with way more shit from people outside of school and ever since Clementine had made it clear that she sided with the monsters she’d become a target too from some of the Delta assholes.

Gabe looked back at the sidewalk ahead of him and began to weave past the people going about their day to day lives. “Oops! Sorry!” He barely squeezed through a small opening and gave an apologetic smile back to the couple. “Have a nice day!” Gabe gave a short salute and felt his embarrassment grow as he skated on. That was really stupid. Shaking off the feeling, Gabe continued on until he saw the Ericson High building.

Monsters of all kinds were outside mingling after a long day of classes. A mummy was trying to impress her crush by showing how badass her bandages were but had got them caught up in a tree branch. It didn’t seem to make the invisible girl beside her think any less of the mummy though as she leaned forward and placed a kiss on the mummy’s cheek, leaving a large lipstick stain on her bandages. The mummy grew flustered before her joy overwhelmed her and she used the bandages that were dangling on the branches as a swing as she swung ecstatically.

Gabe smiled and continued to skate forward, doing a quick jump to spin around on his skateboard before continuing forward. His eyes scanned the area and he noticed Violet was leaning against the side of the school building with her hood up. Her wolf ears flicked this way and that as they popped out of the holes in her hood. Beside her was James who was excitedly talking about what sounded to be a double date. He held a pamphlet in his hand for an art museum. Violet nodded along and talked happily with her friend before another monster called her name.

“Violet!” Sophie crowed and waved around a stick. “Fetch!” Without warning the harpy let out a series of excited tweets and twitters as she threw the stick through the sky. Violet’s ears perked up while her tail wagged enthusiastically and she gave a hasty goodbye to the cyclops before scampering forward.

The werewolf sprinted past Mitch who was having a show of strength with Marlon. The two of them were completely lost in the arm wrestling competition but the minotaur seemed keen on showing off to a certain selkie who was busy talking with Ruby and another monster that Gabe had never seen before.

Her short black hair and warm brown eyes captivated his attention as he skated by. The pure white feathers that covered her arms enhanced her beauty and her laugh made Gabe’s heart flutter. He was completely lost in the moment as he watched the swan monster whisper happily with her friends while they watched the arm wrestling competition.

Suddenly Gabe rammed into something heavy, knocking the wind out of him and causing the skateboard to go flying out from under his feet. Gabe landed hard on his ass and hissed in pain.

“Look out!” a voice called out and Gabe’s eyes shot up to see Louis’ head falling right towards him. Gabe immediately held out his hands and caught the frankenstein’s head just in time. The two stared at each other for a moment before screaming. After an instant’s panic though, both settled down.

“Thanks, buddy! You were really thinking ahead there!” Louis grinned at his own joke and Gabe gave a small laugh.

“Yeah,” Gabe’s smile faltered for a moment as he rose to his feet. “Sorry about that - I wasn’t watching where I was skating and-” Gabe took a deep breath, letting his thoughts catch up with his words. “Sorry.”

“No need to apologize. Just gotta redirect my body towards my head,” Louis smiled brightly and tried to use his head to motion towards his body. The frankenstein’s body was failing miserably at retrieving Louis’ head as it blindly walked forward and fell faceless first into a trash can. Louis’ smile faded instantly. “Damn it, now I’m gonna smell bad in front of Clem.”

“I’m really-” Gabe was cut off when the monster he had been caught off guard by yelled something.

“Hey! Stay away from my friend!” The cygnus rushed forward and began to hiss and snort as she busked at Gabe. Her arms were outstretched and her white feathers ruffled as she tried to intimidate the human. “No Delta High bullies here!”

Gabe blinked in confusion then looked down at his letterman jacket. Shit. Of course she had thought he was trouble. Most kids at Delta High weren’t kind to monsters.

“No, Nurgul! He’s cool! He’s one of the good humans!” Louis reassured the cygnus who still seemed unsure as her chest heaved with emotion. She kept trying to have an intimidating aura but Gabe instead found the whole thing incredibly cute. Silently Gabe lifted up Louis’ head and placed it back on the frankenstein’s body. Louis’ body raised its hands to readjust his head into place. “See! A good one!” Louis exclaimed loudly.

“Yeah, I didn’t run into him on purpose or anything. My name’s Gab-” Gabe was distracted when a monster who hadn’t spotted his skateboard suddenly slipped on it. “Ooo!” Gabe winced in guilt. He had to grab that board.

Nurgul slowly lowered her arms. “If Louis says you're good you have to be. It's nice to meet you, Gaboo. My name’s Nurgul!” The swan monster smiled kindly over at the human.

“No, my name isn't Gabu, it's Gabe,” Gabe corrected and Nurgul gave an embarrassed honk at that mistake.

“I’m sorry! And I’m also sorry I thought you were a bully just because you’re a human. I actually made this mistake before with Renata, assuming she was dangerous as a huldra when she’d really a sweetheart,” Nurgul motioned over to the huldra who currently had a stick in her mouth and was shaking her butt in Violet’s general direction, flexing that she was still a better fetcher which made her a better friend. The werewolf growled lightly and seemed annoyed by Renata’s cockiness until Sophie intervened.

Nurgul didn’t look up at Gabe and instead focused on preening her feathers nervously in a mixture of embarrassment for her mistakes and nervousness at the fact that she thought Gabe looked hot. This was all too much.

Gabe glanced over her way and gave a soft smile. “It’s no big deal. It was all my fault for not paying attention to where I was going,” He awkwardly fidgeted with his beanie. He was about to continue talking with Nurgul when he suddenly heard his uncle’s voice.

“Gabe!” Javi’s tail wagged excitedly when he spotted his nephew and a happy smile pulled on the corners of his lips. Javi turned to say goodbye to Santiago who gave Javi’s hand a squeeze before stealing a quick kiss. The werewolf’s tail swayed back and forth wildly and he immediately returned the kiss which startled the mothman and made Santiago’s cheeks flush.

With a quick goodbye Santaigo walked off towards the library and Javi jogged over to greet his nephew. He immediately wrapped Gabe in a hug and his tail happily whacked against Gabe's legs. “I’m glad you made it! Ready to lose in a pudding eating contest?”

“Yeah, I can’t wait!” Gabe smiled up at his uncle then realized that Nurgul was still there and grew embarrassed. He had to get Javi away before his uncle had a chance to pick up on his little crush. Javi’s ears twitched this way and that and it seemed like it was inevitable that he would pick up on that fact when Gabe spoke up again. “Why are you stalling? Know you’re gonna lose?”

That seemed to divert the werewolf’s attention. Javi’s eyes shone with determination. “Those are big words coming from someone who’s lost the last two matches.”

“Well, I’m winning this one!” Gabe laughed as Javi swung an arm around his shoulder.

“Let's not wait then! Onward to Puddingland!” Javi’s tail wagged out of control at the thought of pudding. He began to lead the way towards the school with his nephew in tow.

“Bye, Gabe! It was nice meeting you! Sorry again!” Nurgul waved at the human who shyly waved back with a small smile.

“It's okay! Bye, Nurgul!” Gabe returned the wave.

Javi’s eyes traveled from his nephew’s face then to the cygnus then back at his nephew. A teasing smile pulled on the werewolf’s lips. “Looks like someone has a crush,”

Javi’s words received him a playful jab while Gabe tried to cover his ears which were turning red. The human guided them over to pick up his skateboard to ensure no one else slipped on it before he spoke up. “No, I don’t!”

Javi laughed and ruffled the top of Gabe’s head, causing his beanie to nearly fall off. “Good for you. Now how about you tell me all about it while I win this pudding contest?”

Gabe felt overwhelmed and tried to persuade his uncle to focus on something else but his mind was set. With a resigned sigh, Gabe prepared himself for the ultimate pudding contest which was now sure to be filled with plenty of teasing and questions.

[twoidiotwriters1]

Starcrossed Losers 2.V (Josh Wheeler xF!Reader)

A/N: Now that I have more time on my hands expect a whole lot more of this baby coming your way :) -Danny

Words: 2,243

Series’ Masterlist

Previous Chapter // Next Chapter

Listen to me :)

Listen.

I'm not trying to defy my boyfriend's authority around here, can you really blame me for what I'm trying to do?

I don't get how the others aren't freaking out about this, like, those kids have eyes everywhere and now there's some freaky cult controlling them, right out of a dystopian story! Though I guess our whole situation may seem dystopian in general, I mean look at us, bunch of kids pretending to know what we're doing.

Either way, I'm just doing a quiet field trip, Nathan will come back with news of whether Sam will help or not, and we'll just look around the place... nothing more.

I don't have a death wish. I promise. Katie's death isn't weighing on me, I don't want to join her anytime soon, I'm actually quite happy, all things considered.

Then why am I here, the first hour in the morning, waiting for Nathan to come back?

Maybe I'm feeling like I have some adrenaline here that wasn't used and after going to one place and another now I can't stay still. And also because those AV kids might really need our help.

I find Nathan halfway to the school, he's not alone, Sam, Mona and Maya are with her. I groan a little at the sight of my former friend, and I can tell by her expression she wasn't expecting to see me either.

"Goodmorning, my queen," I smile at Sam, bowing a little just to make the ambience lighter.

"L/N," She bows back, her mocked solemnity making me grin in return. "Nathan has told us the issue, but only the basics. Care to tell us more?"

I tell them everything I know, I even play for them the last minutes of the newest episode, I see my worry reflected on Sam's eyes and I know I came to the right place.

"I knew Melissa," Sam said grimly. "She had the talent to see the positive things out of everything...  You have the map?"

"I memorized it."

"Cool, then let's go."

"What?" I blink. "Hold on, Sam, we can't just show up."

Sam frowns. "Why not?"

"Didn't you hear the recording? I don't know what the fuck happened there but it sounded like they were heavily armed, or at least that they are very violent."

"Well, you have a sledgehammer, Nathan has his crossbow, Mona has..." She looked over her shoulder. "Mona has herself. Maya has a pocket knife..."

"What about you?"

She shows me a taser and winks. "Think we're good to go."

"I don't know..." I bite my lip.

"Okay, here's a suggestion," Nathan starts. "Let's not fight yet? I know for a fact that Alex would kill me if you die."

"And?"

Nathan looks at me with this truly confused glance.

"I don't want you to die, Y/N."

I beam at his comment, however, Maya makes sure to ruin it right away.

"Yeah well, you haven't been around her enough lately, have you?"

"Neither have you, Maya," Sam gives her a warning look. "Y/N, we won't force you to go with us if you feel it's too risky, just tell us where to go."

"I won't let you go alone! It was my idea!" I exclaim, then pinch the bridge of my nose with a little exasperation. "Fine, we go. But we have to be quiet and we won't attack unless we really have to."

Sam and Nathan agree right away, Mona and Maya grunt and scoff, but I guess that's a yes.

We start moving then, only to stop five minutes later.

"Do you guys hear that?" I lift my hand so everyone stays quiet.

"Hear what?" asks Maya.

I hush her again, and turn to my right, recognizing the bright backpack peering from a trashcan.

"An!" I hiss in annoyance.

I quickly skate to the trashcan and lift the lid, revealing the tiny figure of Angelica looking up to me with a guilty smile.

"Surprise?"

"What the hell are you doing here?"

"I could ask you the same," She frowns. "Josh told you to leave it alone."

"Since when do you listen to Josh?" I scoff.

"Since I realized a bunch of nerdy weirdos aren't worth risking my tribe!" She rolled her eyes. "They're probably dead already, Y/N! We should go back to the mall!"

She whines and pulls my arm as if to trying to drag me, I snatch my arm away and glare at her.

"I can't leave more people behind, not again."

Well, maybe this is about Katie a bit.

"You think those kids will thank you?" Angelica insisted. "They're losers! As soon as they find a better place they'll squirm away to the safest cave, there's a reason why rats survive longer than heroes, Y/N."

"I swear to god, sometimes what comes out of your mouth doesn't make any fucking sense," I reply. "Go back to the mall and stay there, if Josh asks, tell him I went to the school to finish my negotiations with Sam."

"I won't lie, he'll kick me out with you!"

"He won't kick me out!"

"Why not? You think he'll stop just because you make out a few times during the week? He could easily do the same with any other girl– No offence, but if he got over Sam Dean he can get over–"

"Stop!" I say, really not looking forward to hearing the end of that sentence. "You're already in trouble by knowing where I am, so you either come with me or you get lost but choose now because we don't have time for your temper tantrums!"

Angelica stares at me with that little frown she does before taking down her backpack and grabbing her taser.

"Fine," She growls. "But you better move your annoying ass faster, you're way easy to follow even while wearing those stupid roller skates."

"I was trying to be quiet," I argue.

"Wait, she's coming too?" Mona frowns. "We can't be babysitting while we search for a cult."

"I don't need a babysitter," Angelica rolls her eyes. "I could kill you in a heartbeat if I wanted to..."

"I'd like to see you try–"

"Okay!" Sam interrupted. "Let's just... keep going..."

As we keep going Nathan and I engage in a comfortable chat, it's weird to see him again, but not as weird as with Alex, I guess that by now I'm just used to find random people from my past. I'm not trying to avoid it, I don't mind being reminded of my past now that I have things to look forward to. I'm not sure exactly what, but I know I have a future, and maybe that future lies here or somewhere else, but as long as I stay alive I have one, and that's enough.

Nathan and I kinda have the much-needed talk about the elephant in the room, how we were an almost something, surprisingly enough, there are no hard feelings coming from either of us.

'Well the wind it brought my sails to you And my course was true We talked about the lovers we had How they never followed through Oh they never follow through'

"I still regret leaving you like that though," He tells me. "It's not that I was sick of you guys, I just... I don't know, felt like I was wasting my chance somehow?"

"Your chance?"

"Yeah, I mean during high school I was just the 'nice guy', you know? After the nuke I thought I would find something else to be but I'm still the nice guy, I let you escape when you stole half of our weapons, and now I keep Maya from doing fucked up things with the tribe when she thinks no one's paying attention..."

"That's a good thing to do," I try to cheer him up.

"I wish I could be more like you," He smiled fondly at me.

"What do you mean? The artsy girl?" I snort.

"You weren't the artsy girl– I don't know, you were just... you. I never felt like you had to belong anywhere to be worth something... I'm not like that."

"Maybe I never tried to belong, but I was lonely," I sigh. "I obsessed with reading of other worlds, imagining alternate lives that my actual real-life just felt... out of place. I always felt something was missing. The only time I had the feeling that my life was going somewhere for the first time was when... when you asked me out."

Nathan smiles at me, and even though I feel a little guilty about it, I can't help but feel glad that I can witness such a breathtaking smile from so close.

'You told me how the life you lead Is a made up thing How you wish you were as interesting As half the things you read Oh as half the things you read'

"Ah, I don't know," He sighs, looking away from me. "I guess I wasn't made to be part of a tribe, I really liked my time as a loner, you know?"

"Then why did you stop?"

He smiled again. "Because I also really liked you."

I blush at his statement, but I try to remain as neutral as possible.

"Well, if I'm allowed to say it, love is a really stupid reason to quit a good life," I admit.

"What?" He laughs. "Didn't you join your tribe because of Josh?"

"Not only because of Josh!" I defend myself. "I also joined because I had a purpose, I take care of them."

"Well, but most of them can take care of themselves now, don't they?" He teased. "C'mon, the only reason why you stayed is that Josh has you wrapped around his finger."

I frown a little at that.

Nathan kinda has a point, right? Alex already has my notebook filled with first-aid treatments and indications, most of the kids now know how to fix a broken bone. Do they really need me?

"Hey, not that it's bad," He adds, nudging my arm. "If I had what you have with Josh I would stay too, you guys seem happy."

Are we happy?

'I'm a wanderer I've always been undone And the shadows cast upon my soul Are clawing from the sun'

How much of this happiness will last once we get used to each other? And how much of that happiness is what it's keeping us together right now?

Are we really done with running away from places and being alone? I said I was, Josh said he wanted to stay with me. We said we'd be together. We are together.

Angelica's words come back to me in full force: 'If he could get over Sam, what makes you think he wouldn't be able to forget about you too?'

'I'm sure it's nice to think I'm something that you need But I promise when the sun ascends you'll see that's just a dream I'll never come around'

Do I really trust in love enough as to let it build the rest of my life? My future depends on whether Josh and I stay as a couple, and out of the two of us, I'm the one who'll lose the most if we break.

I obviously enjoy my time with Josh, and I really like him... but is liking him enough reason for him to stay? Or he'll leave as soon as I push the right button?

Just like with Sam...

'I must admit that the faith I had Is fleeting fast Cause you told me how you never let go And how that keeps you in the past'

No. I won't start this again. Josh already proved himself thousands of times. He chose me, he stayed with me. More yet, he came back for me when I left.

"It's here," I say abruptly, stopping dead in my tracks.

Everyone stops behind me. Ahead of us, there's a huge mansion, not too far from where Josh's old safe place is. It looks empty, but there's a security camera that luckily isn't pointing our way. I signal the group to give a few steps back and we hide around the corner.

"Okay, we need to get closer, we need to make sure they're–"

"Psst!"

I stop and straighten in my place.

"Did someone just 'pst' at us?"

"Psst!"

"Oh shit," Nathan looks up to the window above us and quickly prepares the crossbow. "Don't move!"

"Hey hey hey, it's fine!" The girl's voice says from the second floor. "You guys need to get out of the street right now, they're going to be here soon."

"What?"

"Come in!"

"Yeah, like we're going to listen to a stranger," Maya scoffs. "How do we know you're not with them."

"I know you," She says simply, then she turns to look at me and smiles. "I know your boyfriend. I talked to him once."

"What?" I tilt my head. "You mean after the nuke or..?"

"When you left the mall, he came to see me," She adds calmly. "Come in, I won't hurt you."

Her words make something inside my head click:

"Mavis?"

Taglist.

@letsbe-queer @slythermyg​ @loving-u-3000​ @one-loud-mind

[goatbi]

Affection, Rats, and Dogs Chapter Six

Nearing breakfast, Coomer managed to slip free from Bubby, gently tugging him over to lay his head on Tommy’s lap instead, as Bubby was still sleeping. Tommy was awake, but not exactly there, staring up at the ceiling, unblinking for the past four hours. He had lost himself in thought, and barely noticed when Bubby’s head was on his lap rather than Coomer’s. 

It showed how much Bubby actually cared about them when he didn’t move when he woke up, instead laying there in silence as well, eyes darting between the kitchen and where Benrey and Gordon still lay. Benrey was awake, but Gordon was not, passed out on top of Benrey’s chest, snoring softly. 

Coomer poked his head out of the kitchen, and that’s when Bubby sat up, shaking hands wrapping the blanket around him carefully. Tommy blinked once, then hissed, leaning forwards. Bubby shot him a weird look and Tommy rubbed at his eyes. 

“Fuckin... Haven’t blinked in ages. Jesus.” He opened his eyes, which were red now and watering slightly, and Bubby snorted. Tommy sent a half glare at him, and stood, moving over and poking Gordon in the back with his foot a few times. Gordon groaned, and Benrey pouted up at him. “Breakfast, dude.” 

Benrey pouted at him still, and shifted to wake Gordon, as Tommy and Bubby shuffled into the kitchen, Bubby still clinging onto the blanket. It was quiet while they ate, per usual, and they dispersed around the house once awake. Tommy slipped into his bedroom to change, before stepping out, tugging on a pair of skates, and whistling for Sunkist, harness in hand. 

Once on, they were out, Sunkist dragging Tommy along as she booked it down the streets, and Tommy just laughed. He knew she knew where she was going, so didn’t steer too much, just held on and pulled himself closer on the leash when needed to avoid the wide turns. She always seemed to have fun when they went out on their walks, and, when Tommy checked the time, he knew that it was early, but still late enough that he could held to Darnold’s. 

When Sunkist has stopped at a park to breathe for a moment, surrounded by children as she usually ended up getting, he sent a text over to Darnold, to see if he was awake. He was, and agreed to have a bowl of water waiting for Sunkist when they got there, and off they went again, waving to the gathered children that had been, moments before, clambering all over the large dog. 

They pulled to a stop, and Tommy realized that Darnold had steps leading up to his apartment building, and groaned softly, grabbing the handrail to avoid falling in his skates. Sunkist followed behind him, dragging her leash as she followed up, pushing open the door for him to roll through, sending another text to Darnold. 

Of course he was on the third floor... in a building with no working elevator. 

Tommy didn’t die on his way up, luckily, and slowly rolled down the hall, Sunkist trotting happily by his side, until he stopped at the door and knocked, hunching quite a bit to fit inside the building. Darnold opened the door, his eyes going wide when he spotted Tommy, who smiled back, raising a hand to wave. 

“Are you... okay?” 

“Oh yeah, I’m used to having to hunch like this, so I usually just sit so it’s not as obvious. I did however almost trip and uh, almost fell quite a few times on the stairs. Rollerskates and stairs don’t mix.” He ducked a bit further down to slide into the apartment, Sunkist following behind, darting towards the bowl of water that Darnold had placed for her. Tommy smiled at him, and Darnold smiled back, beckoning him into the apartment. He had to duck under another doorway, before he was in what was obviously Darnold’s lab. 

He got the only chair, Darnold instead leaning against the table, holding a beaker in one hand. “It’s been in the fridge for a few hours, so it’s cold.” He poured a bit into two red solo cups that he had, and Tommy lifted his carefully, swirling it slowly. 

“... Smells like Durian.” He commented, nose wrinkling, and Darnold laughed softly, nodding. 

“It smells so bad. Means good things to come I’m sure.” He murmured, looking down at it. Tommy glanced down as well, frowning at the strange color. If this was sweet voice, he would think that Benrey was sick. He looked up at Darnold, who smiled back reassuringly, and they stared for a moment longer before knocking back the bit in the cup. 

Tommy almost choked, but swallowed it down, reminding himself of his college days, however many times he had gone by now, and tried to pretend the burn was just like that. He set the cup down, eyes closed. “... why did you make this?” He asked softly, and Darnold made some sort of noise as he slid to the floor. 

“I don’t know...” 

“It tastes like hatred and pain... like, it’s if you tried to take all the good flavors and, and mix them and it’s just bad!” Tommy laughed softly, head falling back as he coughed, and Darnold snorted from his position on the floor. 

“It’s just... it’s hell. Why did I do this?” He asked again, looking up at Tommy, laughing, and Tommy glanced at him, grinning back, grabbing for a water bottle and tossing it down to him. Darnold caught it one hand, taking a swig quickly. “God I can still taste it. It’s like... if you gargled hot garbage water.” 

That set Tommy off, and he slipped off the chair to lay on the floor snickering, and Darnold grinned at him, shifting over to tug Tommy up to sitting position next to him, as they laughed. Tommy shifted, leaning a bit against Darnold, and they drifted into silence. For a moment, they did nothing, before Tommy shifted his arm, lacing his fingers with Darnold’s. There was no complaint, and Darnold even squeezed his hand for a moment. 

Tommy shifted again, turning his head towards Darnold, Darnold glancing over at him. It was quiet, and Tommy puffed up his cheeks, causing Darnold to smile at him, and Tommy grinned back. He fought past the anxiety, going to lean in, only to find Darnold had beaten him to it, pressing their lips together softly. 

He smiled into, holding onto Darnold’s hand, feeling completely content, like everything had slotted into place perfectly... except... 

Tommy pulled back, trying not to laugh. “... I can still taste it.” 

Darnold collapsed into his lap laughing. 

[itsmetheultimateprincess-blog]

Jail Time - Ishimondo Fanfic

It wasn’t the first time this had happened. Just the first time it had escalated to this point. Over the course of their growing friendship, others in Hope’s Peak Academy had not only expressed an obvious dislike for the large biker gang leader but also for his new hardass counterpart. The sneers and whispers had only been growing louder as the two walked across campus together. 

“Watch it jackass! One more word outta any of the lot of ya and my fist is going up someone’s a-”

“M-Mondo, language please, you know how I feel. Use it at home to your discretion but tone it down when we’re at the academy!”

The smaller boy snagged the biker’s sleeve and tugged it back. He didn’t appreciate the newfound attention as much as he knew Mondo didn’t either, but nothing was worth either of them landing themselves in detention for something that clearly could be avoided. Mondo cleared his throat and stepped back from the group of Reserve Course students now walking away and snickering amongst themselves. 

“I know Ishi I just have such a hard time lettin people speak ‘bout you like that, ‘specially cuz it’s only cuz you’re hangin around with me of all the other damn Ultimates.”

He twirled his pointer finger around the loose black hairs at the bottom of his meticulously styled pompadour as a nervous twitch, tugging his own sleeve back from the raven-haired boy. He was gracious that the man cared enough for him to try and calm him in situations like these where his emotions tended to get the better of him.

“Mondo we’ve talked to you about this, Daiya and I both. Our friendship is nobody else’s business. Our other friends approve of us working together and what matters is so do we. I’ve really been enjoying your company as of lately.”

Taka hummed quietly as he grabbed the brunette’s sleeve again, but more gently this time as they finished making their way to their home ec class. They took their respective places on opposite sides of the room next to their partners, Taka with Chihiro and Mondo with Leon. Mondo bit the inside of his cheek as he watched Taka tie the pink and ruffled apron over his pristine uniform. The way the garment clung to the smaller boy’s frame while also making him look delectably cute made Mondo want to be so much more than close friends. Alas, if they were getting this much backlash for being friends, he couldn’t imagine the turmoil that would come from the two of them opening up about being in a relationship if it were to ever come to that.  Mondo tore his gaze away from the boy and tried to focus on not screwing up the confection in front of him. 

“So when are you and Rule Book gonna fuck?”

Mondo nearly spilled half of the box of sugar into the mixture as he choked on his spit, blushing slightly as the red-headed punk snickered into his hand.

“It’s not like that Leon shut it.”

He mumbled but he knew the other had seen the blush on his face. He looked back over to see Taka gleaming cheerfully at his creation as Chihiro decorated with finely detailed delicacy. Mondo smiled fondly and placed his own monstrosity in the oven, preparing himself for a failing grade. Not that it would be a surprise to him, the biker had been used to barely skating by for years on end, school work not being something he entirely thought would ever be of use to him or his talent. However, as of late and due to his blossoming friendship, Mondo’s grades had begun to raise. The strict man never forced Mondo to do his work, but if they happened to be hanging out while Taka was working on something, Mondo would be reflex also try his best to figure it out. It was a small change but albeit a welcome one, not only from the teachers and Mr. Kirigiri but from Daiya as well. 

“Earth to Oowada...the cake is done hotshot, c’mon man it’s gonna burn in the-”

“Then you fucking get it! Why the hell do I have to do everything Kuwata?!”

Mondo snapped at him and threw down the oven mitt, storming out of the classroom. He was done with this shit. The next person to so much at glance at him incorrectly was in for the beating of their life. He decided to just take the rest of the day off to “work of his talent”, grateful that this was allowed for the ultimate in the academy. He walked out of the front doors and started walking to where he parked his bike, figuring he could just drive to Daiya and help him work on bikes for the rest of the afternoon. He hopped on and sped as fast as he could down the road. After he had some time to cool down he figured he’d stop at his favorite diner to bring lunch home for his brother. After walking in he immediately spotted the familiar face. 

“Kuzuryu! The hell you doing here? It’s the middle of class time.”

Mondo slipped into the booth across from him, the waitress immediately placing a coffee in front of him. He ordered a burger for himself and a cheesesteak to be wrapped to go for Daiya. 

“I could say the same for you Mondo, though I’m sure you’re not actually all that surprised to see me here after all. Class isn’t something the two of us really need to be concerned about. Why we both have our own…” he paused, seemingly choosing his words carefully, “...personal helpers.” 

Mondo’s nose crinkled as he bit into his burger and talked around the food in his mouth.

“The hell you goin on about? I know you have Pekoyama but I don’t have-”

His eyes widened and he swallowed the food in one hard motion, glaring at the Yakuza. 

“If you’re talking about Ishimaru you better shut your fucking mouth. It’s not like that.”

Fuyohiko put his hands up in surrender and sipped at his own tea. 

“Fuck alright Oowada, I misunderstood so there’s no need to jump down my damn throat about it. But that does mean this conversation is going to a place I never really wanted it to.”

Mondo had abandoned his food at this point, his heart beating faster and steam starting to rise on his body. 

“The fuck is that supposed to mean?!”

“It means that I don’t approve of your...uh relation with the Ultimate Moral Compass is what I’m getting at. It’s going to bite you in the ass.”

“I’ll show you a bit in the-”

“Mondo!”

The smaller boy slammed his hands on the table and stood up, raising his voice.

“He’s bad for you! He is destroying your image as the Ultimate Biker Gang leader and quite frankly you’re letting Daiya down! None of us wanted him to retire and we were all afraid of how you were going to do and now several of your members think you’ve gone soft! God Mondo, he’s not worth it. He’s weak, fragile, and honestly would probably rat any number of us out to the police if he knew what we really got up to, and for what just a quick fuc-”

Mondo’s fist connecting with his jaw cut Fuyohiko off. He spun around and immediately spit out blood onto the checkered floor.

“Oh fuck off Mondo I-”

He was cut off again as Mondo grabbed his collar and began to repeatedly pound into him as hard as he could.

“Don’t you fucking dare speak about him like that! You have no fucking idea what you’re talking about!!”

Mondo only stopped when he felt a pair of big arms on his shoulders. He whipped around and swung without thinking, his fist grazing the police officers temple. 

“Shit…”

The officer managed to wrestle Mondo to the ground and pin him down long enough to cuff his hands behind his back. He called in backup in his walkie talkie on his shoulder for Fuyohiko as he dragged Mondo to his car, roughly shoving him in and slamming the door. 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Mondo sat nursing his bruised cheek as he hung his hands out of the white bars he sat behind. The officer that drug him in was sitting with his feet up on his desk and almost taunting Mondo with his food. It had been about two hours since they had locked him up and he regret not finishing his burger before beating Kuzuryu to a pulp. He called his brother and he hung up with a sigh, saying someone would be there to pick him up soon. Mondo impatiently huffed, almost ready to give a snide comment to the officer before the door buzzed. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, preparing to explain himself to Daiya.

“Listen Daiya I-”

“Mondo Oowada what the fuck did you?!”

His eyes flew open as Taka stomped towards him and grabbed his collar through the bars.

“I-Ishi what are you…”

“Don’t! Daiya called me and told me where you were and I...I just left in the middle of class and I... I…”

He was panting heavily as tears welled in his eyes. It broke Mondo’s heart and he immediately raised his hand and cupped Taka’s cheek as gently as he could manage. 

“Ishi…”

The boy was crying too hard to pay attention to a word the biker was saying.

“Hey...please...Kiyotaka.”

It was the use of his first name that shook Taka out of his own head. He let go of Mondo’s collar and furiously wiped at his own tears.

“ ‘m sorry...I didn’t mean for you to ruin your image cuz of me. I know how much school n shit means to you I just…”

Taka shook his head and sighed.

“I chose to leave because of Daiya’s call. There was no way I was gonna sit in class and wait to see what happened to you. Now, why the fuck do you look so awful?”

Mondo looked down and he explained the situation at the diner with Fuyohiko and the mishap with the police officer, cringing when he repeated the Yakuza’s words.

“Believe me Kiyo...they don’t mean anything to me...I want you by my side because...I really like having you around me bro.”

He blushed slightly as he saw the same pink color rise to the other’s cheeks. 

“I paid your bail, let’s get you out of this hell hole.”

Mondo looked around at his cell and smiled. 

“Oh what? This? Jail isn’t so bad, it could be worse.”

Taka actually rolled his eyes but the grin plastered to it was worth it as he stepped aside so the officer could free Mondo.

“Listen, dude...I mean officer…”

Mondo corrected himself as Taka glared at him.

“ ‘m really sorry about hitting you, I really didn’t mean it.”

The officer nodded and handed Taka some paperwork for him to sign.

“You’ve got a real nice boyfriend here...maybe you outta clean your act up to keep him around.”

“No...uh he’s not...he’s…”

Mondo stammered over his words as they said their final goodbyes and walked out of the building.

“Honestly I know you were defending my honor but really Mondo you don’t always have to go to such-”

Mondo cut Taka off by quickly pressing his lips to quiet the smaller boy. He pulled back after the initial peck, not wanting to force anything on the moral compass. 

“I know...I’ll try not to blow up as much so you don’t have to leave school to come get me.”

Taka burned a bright red as he tried to calm his beating heart.

“What was...why did you…”

Mondo slipped his hand into the other boy’s and chewed on his lip. 

“I know you wrote down you were my boyfriend on the paperwork for the bail. Smart move, Kiyo.”

Taka shuddered slightly and turned to the taller boy. 

“C-Can you call me that from now on? I like it better than Ishi.”

Mondo smiled and leaned down to press their lips together once more.

“Sure thing...Kiyo.”

[masks-travelers-by-night]

Issue #4: Crash

[Editor's note: Transneptune Comics has lost the rights to Skate Rat, as Cool Rat Restaurants Inc. has seen that the character is actually popular, and exercised a claw-back provision in the contract. As such, we cannot use the character in our stories or acknowledge them, leading to a strange lacuna in the story.

Furthermore, the heirs of the original creator of Ring, a.k.a. Marcus Allen, have tied up Ring in similar legal uncertainty, and so to avoid risk, Transneptune Comics is just going to leave him out of these pages for a while. Sorry, true believers fans!

But we've got an exciting new character in store for you. Meet Alicia O'Adh, a.k.a. Lucky, who may have luck powers—it's up to you to decide if you believe in them!]

The parts of the plan are in place: Jamina and Maria have their internship at the Institute, and are all prepped to skulk around the building once they're supposed to have gone home. They show up after school, meet Mr. Quinn, get their badges, the tour, told about what their duties will be and when and where field training is. By the time they wrap up, it's dark out, and their plans to case the joint are ready to bloom.

They make their way into the bathroom to let Maria do some psychic exploration only to find Lucky, in her rainbow-patterned unitard, having slipped in through the window. Welp.

There's a bit of a stand-off—they know each other from school, they know each other from heroing around the city, but still, it's hard to totally trust someone else's motivations in this moment when you're all doing something dangerous and illicit at Carver House.

But then, just as an understanding is reached, Dr Cross herself steps into the bathroom. She recognizes Maria, she sees Lucky in-costume clearly up to something, she knows what the score is. Lucky makes a break for it out the door past her, shouting "you want me, catch me!"

Well, now the game is well and truly afoot, and Dr Cross gives Maria and Jamina withering stares, insisting they follow her, and chases after Lucky, shouting for security. Lucky makes it to the elevator, guesses how to activate the panel to go to the subbest of sub-basements, and begins to go. Jamina bolts forward, and rolls into the elevator just before the doors close. Maria stays a bit behind with Dr Cross.

In the elevator, Jamina and Lucky—or perhaps Blodeuwedd and Alicia—come to an understanding, and recognize that they're, well, on the same team. They're here to do the same thing. Lucky's looking for someone she found near the Institute who clearly needed help, then vanished. Jamina's trying to help save whatever beings might be trapped in here unjustly. Samesies.

Maria has a notion occur to her, and ducks away from Dr Cross to modify the other elevator in the bank. Getting away in shapeshifted fly-form turns out to be very hard, as among the protections that the Institute has established is a morphic field, which imposes an intense desire on shapeshifters to adopt "normal" human shapes. But she manages it, and starts to change the elevator into… well, a dimensional gate. Stick to the classics, right?

At this point, Jamina and Lucky step out of their elevator into the containment level. Endless rows of extradimensional beings stuck in glowing containment fields, as far as the eye can see. Things that beggar the senses, impossibilities (which the artists have drawn using the full range of available optical illusions) simply present before the two young heroes.

Jamina directs Lucky to try to break the security system and get the files on all these entities, so they can know who they might rescue. Lucky goes to do so with the power of luck: keyboard mashing and hoping for the best. She gets through the security, but that's when her luck fails her: she presses the wrong buttons, and every containment field drops at once.

Dr Cross waits for the next elevator and, with Maria, steps in, little knowing what the Outsider has done to it. She presses the buttons calmly, and then the doors open… and we only see the reaction shot, her eyes wide, Maria's elated, and the light of a strange new vista washing over them.

At that same instant, as soon as Dr Cross steps out of this world, the mantle of the Owl descends on Jamina. Every dimension always has one and only one Owl, and apparently when your dimension's Owl leaves, someone else is pulled to fill that role.

What will it mean for Jamina to be the new Owl? What will Lucky do about all the extradimensional entities, good and bad, now released? And where have Maria and Dr Cross ended up? Find out next time!

[itsnewstome]

What if you switched Jack and Davey's roles but not their personalities. What do you think would change? Would you write a one shot for it?

I.... tried?

Hope you like!

Read on AO3

rating: gen

pairing: gen (it’s pre-relationship, let’s be real, but nothing for now)

warnings: race smoked a cigar, as per the norm

wc: 1329

It was just this side of cold. The wind skated across Davey's arms and tousled his hair; it lifted goosebumps on his arms and he knew, somehow, that he was going to be miserable this winter.

Coming out of the lodging house, the boys were yawning and rubbing sleep out of their little eyes.

Race was lighting up a cigar as Davey passed, cursing at his matches as he went.

Elmer shuffled his feet, scrubbing knuckles in his eyes and tugging at his hair in a sorry attempt to wake himself up. Crutchie was right behind him, though the boy looked awake and alert, looking over the other boys as they made their morning journey to the ministry.

One of the younger boys, one about twelve years old, named Otto came and tucked himself under Davey's arm, trying to pull extra warmth from anywhere he could.

"Cold?" Davey asked.

"That's damn obvious, and you know it, Dav," Otto said moodily. Davey flicked his forehead at the curse.

After the breakfast, the boys were a lot happier and ready to work. They walked the distance to the newspaper distributors, the group splitting off from itself as the different boys went to different papers.

The line formed itself up to Weasel's coinbox quickly, the boys falling in step with each other, laughing and fooling around all the way.

Davey smiled as he looked around his boys, all ready to get their day's work in. He walked right up to the front of the line, and Crutchie slotted himself behind him.

"I'll take my usual hundred," Davey said, dropping his quarters in the box. Morris counted out his papers and Davey took them to the sidelines, waiting for Crutchie.

He and Crutchie usually haunted the same selling spots; Davey insisted that it wasn't just because Davey was the most capable to deal with any creeps that target Crutchie, but they both knew that it was only half true. It was a vantage point, where the were stationed. Davey could look over most of the younger boys while they worked, tense with his papers in-hand, looking for any trouble that he would have to interrupt and correct.

In that same vein of worry, Davey always stayed behind until most of the boys had bought and collected their papers. The line, while looking like a chaotic mess, was actually an organized masterpiece, created by trial-and-error attempts and covert nudges with elbows and hushed words. The younger kids were near to the front, with the older boys occasionally spaced in between them, and finally taking up the rear. They had learned that if the younger boys were trailing behind and since the older boys had already left for the day, it was much more likely for Morris and his brother to cheat the boys out of their papers.

So they came up with a way to avoid that.

Davey dropped himself onto an empty crate and watched over everyone. There were a two new kids in the line, a fact that caught his eye quickly.

They looked very out of place - if Davey was putting it lightly. Their clothes were clean and looked new (at the very least, not threadbare), and they weren't grimey, as most of the boys here were.

The older of the two looked confident in himself, like he was born to be here. His chin was held high in pride, but he didn't look down his nose at any of the boys.

David wondered if these boys came to The World out of ignorance, or ill-founded pride.

The World was known for being one of the toughest papers in New York City. If their tendency to try and cheat their boys wasn’t enough of a deterrent, there was Weasel and his little minions, the Delancey brothers. They were never... nice to the newsies, if you were going to put it kindly.

They were much gentler newspaper distributors in the city. Something much more suited to two new boys just elbowing their way up to the table.

After Albert, the two new boys were next.

“I’ll take twenty papes,” the older boy said. Papes stuck to his tongue like molasses, like he picked the line up from one of the boys and wasn’t exactly sure about how to use it.

Oscar began to count them out, and the boy began to step further in the line. Weasel put a quick stop to that.

“Where do you think you’re going?” he snapped.

“Gonna sell my newspapers,” the boy replied with much the same ferocity.

“Money up first.”

The boy lifted an eyebrow. “I’ll pay when I sell.”

“Well then. I guess you ain’t getting papes.” Weasel shook his head and Oscar dropped the papers to the collective stack, straightening the pile up.

The boy cursed darkly, but dug into his pockets for a dime. He slapped it down onto the change box, and Oscar shoved his papers into his chest. He stepped off to the side, tugging his little brother with him. Davey watched carefully as he poked through his papers, counting every one of them. He looked up with a frown, and Davey knew that they were about to have trouble. Davey stood up, drawing a few of the boy’s attention as he did.

“Hey!” The boy turned back on his heel. “You tryna cheat me? What kind of business do you think you’re running?”

A sneer. “What the hell are you talking about?”

Davey thought that the other boy looked a lot like a peacock, puffing up the way he did. “You gave me eighteen.”

Weasel spluttered. Before any words left his mouth, Davey was across the lot. “Did you fellas see how nice I was to this new kid?” Weasel asked, looking over the other boys. “And what do I get? Ungrounded accusations.”

“Hey, look. I just want what I paid for-!”

“He said beat it, gutter rat!” Oscar laid a hand on his chest, preparing to shove him away, just as Davey snatched the papers from the kid’s hands.

“Hey!”

Davey ignored the boy’s protest as he turned around and began counting out the newspapers.

He frowned. “Weasel, he’s right,” Davey said, “you gave him eighteen.” He fanned the papers out onto of the stack in front of the distributors, right in front of Weasel. “Now look closely,” he said cheekily before he counted out each and every paper. “Now, really. I’m sure it’s an honest mistake - especially since Oscar barely passed his second year of arithmetic.”

The other boys laughed at the crack, and Oscar dove for Davey. He sidestepped easily. Weasel pulled two more off the stack and bundled them in with the other eighteen before shoving them into the new boy’s chest.

“Real cute, Oscar.” Davey winked teasingly at him, watching the man go red in anger. He fished a quarter from his pocket and put them onto the change box. “Give the new kids fifty more papes.”

“I don’t need them,” the boy snapped.

“Jack,” the smaller one said, tugging on the back of his shirt insistently.

The boy, (this Jack, Davey supposed) pulled back from his little brother. “No. We don’t need charity. Come on. We’ve got things to do.” He stamped off, little brother in-tow and papers in-hand.

Crutchie called after them, shouting about Davey. “You know who he is?” he asked.

Jack stopped in his tracks and looked at Davey over his shoulder, eyes appraising and quizzical, scrutinizing every breath Davey dared to take.

“What’s so special about him?” he asked.

Davey grinned simply grinned at him. “Someone you’ll probably see around.”

Jack raised a dubious eyebrow, but soon turned again, taking his brother and pulling him off to go and try to sell his papers.

“He ain’t gonna last a day,” Race said, lighting a cigar up so that smoke swirled around his face, watching how the tip lit up on the intake.

Davey shook his head. “I guess we’ll see.”

[ick25]

Rockman EXE Review. Episode 2

The episode where this shot came from.

I enjoyed making the first review, I just had to continue! If I dont review them who will?  A better critic, I hope.

Once again, my sad excuse of an anime review. But you know what? I dont care! This is fun!

That came out of nowhere.

The episode opens with a shot of Dekao’s house where he is repairing Gutsman who got damaged on the last episode. During this, we get a glimse of Dekaos messy room.

And it turns out he owns one of them rat catching machines, also known as a cat...bot. Seems like a good purchase if you cant afford to take care of a real cat or youre just not a cat person.

But it seems its not really a good idea since an electrical surge takes over the catbot and suddently attacks Dekao, leading to an injury serious enough to be taken to the hospital.

Dont laugh... It must be serious, its not like you can you just turn the catbot off and unscrew its head or anything.

Netto and Meiru see Dekao in the hospital because Gutsman was worried about him, and maybe trying to cheer him up by having Meiru visit him.

The visit ends on everyone laughing at his “injury” and Netto making Dekao angry by telling him he would go on a date with Meiru, of course, Meiru doesnt find this funny and hits Netto in the gut.

The next scene, Netto and Meiru are visiting Sal aka Saloma, a minor character who had a sandwich stand in the game but now owns a flower shop.

And instead of sandwiches she serves tea.

I’m loving the design for the tea cups.

Sure, that is totally the face I make when I drink something hot. 

Roll wonders why Dekaos catbot suddently attack him and Meiru says that it was probably the work of World Three aka WWW. ( it doesnt stand for world Wide Web).

Netto, being oblivious to his surroundings, has no idea what World Three is, so Saloma explains him.

If by “crimes” you mean terrorism than yes.

She also tells Netto that they were the ones behind the oven fires, because everybody has an oven conected to the internet!

After tea, Netto and Meiru continue walking through town where they encounter Masa, the local fisherman that hates technology and who only talks about fish and kids needing their daily calcium.

He mistakes Netto and Meiru being on a date and they explain to him that they where visiting Dekao at the hospital, Masa, being that crazy neighborhood fisherman that he is, believes Dekao didn’t eat enough calcium and rushes over to the hospital.

After he leaves, Meiru and Netto inmediatly spot their school teacher Ms.Mari aka Oozono Mariko, acting suspicious when entering an antique shop, the same shop own by Miyu aka Miyu...ki.

In the anime, Miyuki also works as a fortune teller, although I’ve never seen her sale antiques.

Meiru explains to Netto why Mariko-sensei looked so suspicious, its because she doesnt want anyone knowing she sees a fortune teller and deducing by the way she blushes, she obviously asks questions about finding love.

While Mariko is dying of embarrassment with Meiru and Netto finding out about her secret, and after Masa triggers Dekao in the hospital by telling him Netto and Meiru are in a date, a strange flow of electricity is causing disasters in Dencity aka Den...san? Thats just lazy.

A wave of crimes, indeed! But to be fair, terrorism is a crime.

Yes, World Three endangers people, but this part was really funny.

Damn it son, if your mom runs for her life you should be right behind her!

Todays robot master is Elecman! Or is it suppouse to be Electricman? Japanese pronounciation is hard to get.

The flow of electricity is caused by Elecman going around the citys network, because... Cyber electricity works just like real electricity? I dont know, it probably has something to do with whatever Count zap aka Elec Hakushaku is doing with his electric guitar. Its never explained.

Back at the antique shop, after what I guess was a very long pause, Miyuki breaks the silence by saying that she sees “Flowing water”.

Netto doesnt seem to believe her of course and she suddently asks for his name, he introduces himself and then she asks for his Navis name.

After responding, Miyuki is about to say something about Rockman after a long pause. 

But Netto gets a heart attack before she finishes because of Dekaos screams, he had left the hospital and got bitten in the leg by yet another roboanimal gone crazy right outside Miyukis shop.

He manages to shake off the pooch that then proceeds to steal Mariko-sensei’s purse for some reason, or maybe it wanted to bite her and took the bag with it when she dodged it.

Netto gives chase to the dog by putting on his skates in the most extreme way possible!

Meiru goes along too and they both end up getting on a subway train and find out that the dogbot isnt crazy anymore due to plot convenience.

While there, they notice the train is speeding up, the conductor notices as well and tries to stop it but hes unable to comunicate with the control central and when he attemps to switch the controls to manual...

Yeah... I have nothing.

The passengers discover the conductor passed out and its up to the eleven year old to save the day! By throwing a fire extinguisher at the door!

Arent fire extinguishers heavy?

The adults take the unconscious conductor out while Netto an Meiru get inside the conductor’s room.

And after a fake scare of crashing with another train, Rockman tells Netto to send him into the trains computer to find out whats going on.

Inside the trains computer we see something interesting, the viruses invading the computer seem to be working together, we have two electrical viruses, Billies and twisties.

The billies are destroing the baracades put up by the train programs and the twisties are stunning them, paralyzing the train controls.

Rockman starts busting viruses but with the programs stunned the train cannot be stopped. So he tells Netto to take everyone to the second cart and separate it from the engine. 

Netto does so and while hes trying to separate the carts, Rockman gets struke by lightning, revealing his enemy.

The elementary school student, once again, is doing all the hard work since nobody tries to help him separate the carts.

He successfully separates the cart, no thanks to the adults, but it turns out he did it too soon because Rockman is still in the trains computer and Netto has to get him out of there! So he takes a leap of faith and jumps to the other cart but slips, thankfully, the dogbot jumps as well and tries to help him.

So while Rockman is getting fried by Elecman, Netto is holding on for dear life!

Netto manages to regain balance and reconects just in time to save Rockman using the “Barrier” battle chip. Netto sends Rockman the same chips they used to defeat Fireman. The Shotgun battle chip and the sword.

Remember, this is the original version, so the sword isnt blurred out, that was the american edit.

Elecman counters with an Elec sword, before it was introduced in a future episode, they have one of those anime shots where it looks like a draw but turns out one of them actually got hit, and for some reason that affects Elec Hakushaku in the real world as well.

All I know is that Elecman was conected to his electric guitar and logged out once the Hakushaku un-plugged it.

Netto celebrates his victory but forgets he has to stop the train, since Elecman was defeated the controls can now be switch to manual, with Rockmans help , Netto actives the brakes and manages to stop the train 2cm from the wall.

How do I know this?

After miraculously avoiding the crash, Netto decides to leave the train but not before seeing Miyukis prediction come true.

So the WWW was defeated once again, a crisis was adverted, the hero gets a hug from the girl and the episode ends with Dekao screaming in pain for the sixth time in the episode.

What do I think?

Just like with the oven explosions, there were many things that never got to be answered, like why the robotcat never let go of Dekaos leg even after Elecman was defeated? What was Miyuki going to say about Rockman? And why is something like a subway system conected to the internet?

The art style from this episode is diferent from the previous one, a noticeble detail in the episode is that Rockman was drawen with eyebrows!

Eyebrows! I believe this is a designing mistake.

Comparing the episode to the american dub, Dekaos dialogue involving his crush on Meiru was change, for example, the sceane where Masa is visiting Dekao at the hospital trying to get the catbot off his leg with fish, Masa mentions that Netto and Meiru were on a date, this infuriates Dekao and is the reason why he was suddently outside of Miyuki’s shop and not in the hospital. In the Dub, Dekao gets angry because he realized how dumb Masas idea was of distracting the a robotic cat with a fish. 

I guess seeing someone getting jealous and be possesive over a girl was not setting a good example for kids, specially since Dekao constantly tells Netto to stay away from “HIS” Meiru-chan.

I’ll forgive the recycled shots and animation for Netto since he did used the same chips from last time.

[freeyourheartandsoul]

His Escape.

Prompt: I thought of this idea after seeing a few GIFs of Theo skating and being reminded of the story he told Scott and Stiles in 5x02. It’s not what I originally had in mind, but this is just what flowed out.

Hope y’all like it! :)

Master List.

His Escape.

Theo sighed in frustration as he threw his pencil down against his desk before turning the volume up a little louder on his music. It didn’t seem to help any though because as much as he turned it up, his parents’ arguing just got louder and louder. Their arguing had become a constant in his life lately. He’d sometimes wake up hearing them and then go to bed hearing them. He tried to spend most of his time away from them, but sometimes he stuck around in hopes that they’d give it a rest. He wasn’t that lucky.

He picked his pencil back up and attempted to get back to his statistics homework. It didn’t last long though. Two more questions in and he started hearing glass break. So he slammed his textbook shut, threw on a hat, and climbed out his bedroom window. There was no way he’d be able to concentrate on his homework with his parents creating a war zone down below.

Once he was outside his window on the roof landing he saw that his neighbor’s pool was drained and no one seemed to be home. Theo jumped to the ground and grabbed his skateboard from the front porch before hopping the neighbor’s fence. Skateboarding has never been his forte, but he’s picked it up over the last couple of years, and it helped him get his mind off his parents. He put the edge of his board against the side of the in-ground pool and made sure the coast was clear before letting it fall.

The wheels glided against the cement as the wind hit his face. He went up the other side of the pool and turned back down as the sound of the wheels against the cement took over the noise of his parents arguing in his mind. Skateboarding made him feel free, to some extent. Maybe it was the wind against his face or the speed, he didn’t know. All he knew was that it was an escape from reality for a while.

His parents’ issues wasn’t something that many people knew about. Theo didn’t like to talk about it, and his parents definitely acted as if they were the perfect little family in the public and around their friends. Theo reluctantly played the part to appease them and not draw attention to himself. Truth be told, things have been this way since his sister died a few years ago in a car accident in which all four of them were in. She was thrown from the car after taking her seatbelt off for a split second. Theo knew deep down that the accident was the root of his parents’ problems. They just chose petty arguments to deal with it rather than actually talking about the real issue.

If Theo was being honest, he just wanted them to get a divorce already. Hell, he’s even thought about getting emancipated from time to time just so he could get away from them. It’s not like they’d care anyways. They rarely paid him any attention and tried to throw money at him whenever they wanted something from him. Theo was sick of all of it.

He glided up the side of the wall again and tried to do a trick that he’d practiced a few times before, but failed miserably again. The board went flying in the air as his body crashed to the bottom of the pool. As he laid there groaning in pain a bit, he realized he never heard the board come back down. He leaned up on his elbows and looked around the pool and didn’t see it anywhere. Then he glanced around above the pool and his eyes landed on a girl with short, sandy blonde hair wearing sunglasses and a smirk while holding his board. Theo sighed and threw his head back a little.

“So did you practice to fall that hard or does it just come naturally?” The blonde quipped, her smirk not leaving her face.

Theo sat all the way up, “Ha. Ha. Ha.” He got to his feet and climbed out of the pool to stand next to her. “Can I have my board back?”

She shook her head, “I don’t think so. I think it’s my job now to keep you from breaking into other people’s backyards and skateboarding in their empty pools.”

“Well, I only break into yours since it’s next door, so you don’t have to worry about that.” He responded with a sort of smart tone.

She looked at him confused, “You live next door?”

Theo nodded, “Yup. Can I have my board back now?”

“How long have you lived there?” She questioned.

He sighed, “We lived here when I was younger, but we just moved back right before the school year started.”

Her eyebrows raised in surprise, “Theo?” He nodded his head. “Theo Raeken?”

Theo nodded again but looked at her confused, “Do I know you or something?”

The girl laughed a little, “It’s me. (Y/N).” She answered as she pointed to herself. “We used to race each other down the street on our bikes? And see who could make the biggest splash in my pool?”

He shook his head, “No. The (Y/N) I knew had platinum blonde hair, crooked teeth, and goes to boarding school.”

(Y/N) laughed, “My hair got darker, I had braces, and I just moved back.” She responded with a smile as she shrugged a little. “And by the way, the Theo I knew used to be a scrawny kid with dorky glasses.” She finished a matter-of-fact tone.

Theo chuckled, “I guess puberty did us both some good.”

She laughed again as she nodded, “I guess so.” She handed him back his skateboard, “So, I’m guessing that fall probably made you pretty thirsty, huh?” She asked with a grin.

“I’m never going to live that down, am I?” He chuckled again and she shrugged her shoulders. “But yeah, I could use something to drink and an ice pack if you don’t mind.”

(Y/N) tilted her head towards the house, “Come on in.”

They headed inside to the kitchen where (Y/N) made them both a glass of ice water and tossed Theo an ice pack. He put the pack on his shoulder as he sat down in a stool at the breakfast bar and (Y/N) stood on the other side. “So, what has you slummin’ in my backyard pool?”

Theo sighed a little and avoided eye contact with (Y/N). Talking about his parents, or his feelings in general, wasn’t really something he normally did. He usually bottled it up inside, which is probably the source of his anger and bad behavior. This wasn’t the first time he’s been caught doing something he wasn’t supposed to. He’s gotten in more trouble than he’d care to admit, and stirred up a bit of trouble since he’s been back in town as well. It wasn’t something he was necessarily proud of, but he figured it was a necessary evil.

“What? Are you the mysterious type that leaves people guessing?” (Y/N) joked before taking a sip of her water.

He cleared his throat, “does it really matter?”

(Y/N) shrugged her shoulders, “I guess not, but it kind of determines whether or not I rat you out to my parents that you’re the one leaving skateboard marks in our pool.”

He gave her an incredulous look. “Uhh… I needed an escape.”

Her eyebrows knitted together, “From?”

“You sure do have a lot of questions, don’t you?”

She laughed, “What can I say? I’m a curious person.” She responded with a small shrug. “So what are you running from?”

“I’m not running from anything. I just had to get away.” Theo corrected.

(Y/N) rolled her eyes, “whatever you say.”

Theo sighed as he looked down. “Listen, I don’t normally talk about this stuff, but if you must know…” he paused for a minute, “my parents argue all the time and I’m sick of it. Skateboarding takes my mind off of it.” He finally looked back at her, “you happy now?”

She looked at him with a sympathetic look, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have pried. It’s a problem I have… sticking my nose where it doesn’t belong.”

He laughed a little as he shook his head, “it’s really okay. I probably shouldn’t have been skating in your pool anyway. So, you just saved me from your parents telling my parents.”

“True.” (Y/N) paused as she took a sip of her water. “Isn’t there a skate park not far from here? Why don’t you just go there? In fact, why don’t we just go right now?” She asked as excitement grew on her face.

Theo looked at her questionably, “You know how to skate?”

(Y/N) shrugged, “Well, no, but you can show me. It’ll be like killing two birds with one stone. I get to learn how to skateboard and you get to take your mind off your parents.”

“Correct me if I’m wrong, but it was you who just saw me completely bite it out there, right? You sure you want me to teach you?” Theo questioned, a little taken back by her suggestion.

“Yes, but before that you were doing better than I could ever even attempt. Plus, I trust you.” She explained simply.

“You trust me? We haven’t seen or talked to each other in years. We don’t even know each other anymore.” He was taken back by how trusting she was being with him when she didn’t even know him anymore. More than that, he was surprised at himself for opening up to her about his parents.

(Y/N) exhaled softly, “Listen, Theo. I try not to focus on the past or anything like that. I focus on the present. I trust you until you give me reason not to. Now, do you want to teach me how to skate or not?”

Theo couldn’t understand why, but he was oddly drawn to (Y/N). Maybe it had to do with the fact that they were once friends, but he felt comfortable around her. He felt that he could trust her with anything.

He sat the ice pack on the counter, “let’s go.”

(Y/N) clapped her hands in excitement, “Yes!”

***

The skate park was surprisingly empty for it to be such a nice day. (Y/N) blamed it on the weatherman and the cloudy skies. She was thankful for the desertion though. That way no one could see her fall on her ass, which she’d done quite a few times since being there for half an hour. She didn’t have the best balance, that much was obvious.

“It’s hopeless! I’m hopeless!” (Y/N) yelled after falling again while going down the small ramp. She sat in the middle of the ramp and started taking off her elbow and knee pads that she had just purchased from the skate shop along with her own board.

Theo rushed down to her on his board and stopped beside her. He sat down next to her and felt sympathy when he saw the sad look on her face. “You’re not hopeless, (Y/N).” He patted her knee. “It just takes a lot of practice. You’ll get it. I promise.”

“I’m going to wake up tomorrow and half my body is going to be black and blue.” She complained as she lifted up her sleeve and pointed to a bruise that was already forming.

“Battle wounds.” He responded with a small smile as he nudged her a little, attempting to lighten her mood.

She looked at him and smiled a little back, “Yeah…”

The pair were silent for a minute or so until Theo finally spoke up. “Listen, I can help you some more, but it might involve invading your personal space a bit.” He suggested while looking at her. This whole time she’d been adamant about trying to learn without any hands-on help and just wanted him to tell her what to do. Clearly that wasn’t working, so Theo thought of the next best option.

(Y/N) eyed him for a minute, “You sure this isn’t just your way of trying to flirt with me?” She questioned with a smirk.

Theo chuckled and looked in front of him, “I’ll be honest, I like you, (Y/N)… a lot.” He paused for a second, “But I’m not going to force anything. You want to learn how to skate, and I want to teach you.  That’s all I’m trying to do.” He said with a shrug. “If something more comes of it, then… that will be great too.” He finished and finally looked at her with a small yet confident smile.

(Y/N) could feel the heat in her cheeks. No one had ever spoken to her like that before. No guy had ever made her or what she wanted to accomplish a priority. It felt nice. She didn’t know what to say to it so she simply nodded her head with a small smile, “okay.”

He nodded his head in agreement, “Okay.” He stood up and offered his hand to help her up. She gladly took it and stood beside him. “So, we need to get your balance and momentum settled first, then we’ll worry about all that other stuff.” She followed him to the flat area of the park above the concrete bowl. “Get on your board and start like I showed you earlier.”

(Y/N) did as told and he followed beside her on his board, but he grabbed her hips and stopped her when she started to lose balance. “Okay, separate your feet a little further apart.” She separated her feet a couple more inches. “Now, just follow my lead.” He took one of her hands in his before setting them in motion and grabbing her other hand. They glided together face to face, hand in hand for a few feet until he stopped them when they couldn’t go any further.

Theo looked at her with a smile as she had one going from ear to ear. “You did it!”

“I did!” (Y/N) exclaimed as she hopped off her board and towards Theo who quickly wrapped his arms around her waist. “Thank you.” She leaned her head back a little to smile at him.

He looked into her eyes and returned the smile, “It was all you. I just guided you a bit.”

(Y/N)’s emerald eyes seemed to sparkle in the sun as she stared into his eyes. They stayed like that for what seemed like hours, but was really only minutes. Her legs wrapped around his torso, his arms wrapped around her waist, and staring into each other’s eyes. She leaned in a little before he met her halfway and pressed his lips to hers in a sweet kiss.

She pulled back and smirked at him, “I knew you were just trying to flirt with me.”

Theo chuckled as he shook his head a little before pulling her in for another kiss, this one deeper than the first.

The End.

[birdsofchristmas]

Chapter 1: The Lamp

Our story starts off in a more humble climate than others you may have heard, moreso than Manhatten, suburban chicago, the North Pole or a giant department store. The camera starts at my feet and pans upwards to a sign reading “East Hastings” in Vancouver’s iconic Downtown Eastside, revealing the Carnegie Hall in the background.

My first apartment in Vancouver is just around the corner on Cordova & Princess. Down the street in Gastown is the first restaurant I took a job doing dishes at, during my first Christmas in Vancouver. Incidentally, this would end up being the last house I lived in while I still had both my feet.

Not long after I moved to this interesting winter wonderland shared with cockroaches, rats, traffic noise, lineups towards a soup kitchen, and the occasional flooded basement a doctor said my right foot had had enough. My poor foot had done it’s best to support me for years after a childhood accident and it was time to send it to foot heaven. I wondered if foot heaven was the same as cat heaven, which is where my mom said my brown cat went to after it fell out of a 2 story window.

It shouldn’t be too surprising my right limb and I had to part ways- honestly I’m surprised it hadn’t gone sooner, or that it wasn’t joined by another appendage. You would be too if you’d seen some of the crazy winter antics my dad and my two brothers and sister got upto each year around december.

One year in the 90s saw our family cross country skiing when a blizzard brought the entire city of Nanaimo to a standstill. The marsh is perfectly safe, it’s frozen over he would say as we coasted confidently onto its icy surface. Or the time my dad tied a GT Racer sled to the trailer hitch of his 15 passenger van towing it on the backroads of mount benson, only stopping when he would notice the sled veering off towards a ditch.

Not long after losing the foot I also lost the apartment I was living in while trying against my sister’s advice to carry on as if things were normal.

At the time the housing crisis in Vancouver was in full swing, and when most folks weren’t either ice skating down on Robson or taking in the German Christmas market they were looking for a place to live for January.

They like me had done the best with the apartment they had- they had put plastic over their heritage windows to cut down on the BC hydro bill, they had placed the Christmas tree in front of the large hole in the drywall the last tenants had left, they had poured nearly half a bottle of pine extract into their scent diffusers to cover up the cigarette smell in the hallway, they had set up all manner of elaborate rat traps to avoid being contaminated by the plague, they had insisted to the landlord that, yes, those dark looking spots under the sink are black mold, all the while dreaming of finding a more ideal living situation.

To put it simply, it’s difficult trying to find one of these rumored nice apartments, much less trying to do so with only one foot, hopping from one viewing to the next trying to outrun the rest of the marathon of young professionals in search of the holy grails of affordable living.

At last I resigned, calling my parents half a month before Christmas to tell them about my housing woes. Well, just come home for the season, my dad said on the phone, it’ll just be for a few months until your foot man or whatever you call him makes you a new leg and you’ll be walking again in no time! Really, it’s what you should  done in the first place, come home and we’ll take care of you.

So on to the ferry I went with a backpack containing a modestly redacted version of my life in Vancouver, the rest of it residing in a friend’s garage for the winter. I was trying not to slip and fall with my single blundstone and crutches, somehow avoiding the 3 ferry sailing waits that would transpire in the days to follow.

As luck would have it I arrived just in time to help my mom set up her elaborate Christmas village- arranged with a stunning eye for detail and careful planning- most towns and cities in Canada would have a hard time comparing to the structural engineering marvel and ease of traffic infrastructure my mom had created.

There was hardly ever a traffic jam in “The Winter village of Avonlea”, and the crime rate was next to zero. “Over here we’ll put the post office, and across the way we’ll place the butcher adjacent to the bakery” she would instruct me, “so the postman will save time gathering groceries on his way home from work, and we’ll place the city hall on the corner of Bedford Halls Lane and Bing Boulevard.”

Oh and don’t get me started on the tree decorations. My dad was allowed to pick the tree out, and that was the full extent of his involvement. Every year it became the host to a multitude of angels, small wooden sleds, doves, owls, pigeons, even the occasional crow. There were glass spheres coated with gold, silver, and platinum. Snowglobes snowed every day of the week, lords leaping and ladies dancing in circles all the way to the shining pinnacle on top of the tree. Some years it was another larger angel, other years a star, one year it was curiously a picture of elvis.

When it came to Christmas decorating my mom was the queen of the ice castle. My dad was self-decidedly in charge of creating our seasonal chaos scenarios to prepare us for adulthood, while my mom was in charge of everything inside the house. You dared not alter the carefully planned set up in any way lest you awaken the demon Krampus.

That was about 6 years ago, and of course things have changed since then. I now have 4 legs instead of only 1. I have my actual leg, my brand new prosthetic leg, and a climbing leg and a running leg. You have every leg you’ll need to carry out a great bank heist, my sister-in-law joked. I would need to I figured in order to continue paying for them. All said and done the price of a leg is pretty well comparable to a brand new honda accord.

After a harrowing few years of recovering and moving back to Vancouver, going from one house to the next, and I was finally in a moderately stable fairly well priced townhouse. It was Christmas again and this year I was heading to the ferry to see my mom and dad who still lived on the island. I had a smaller backpack this time as well as a curiously shaped duffel bag with a surprise for mom. Looking at the bag you might think it was a pile of field hockey sticks, or a set of broken golf clubs. In reality it was one of my retired legs, refashioned with a black fishnet stocking, a black high heel and a detachable light and lampshape.

You see every few years the legs wear down and they need to be replaced. like a ford car or an apple computer these things don’t last long, even with casual use. Once they’re retired they make a surprisingly great basis for all kinds of creative art sculptures. Thus was born a beautiful lamp centerpiece to my mom’s carefully thought out Christmas decoration extravaganza, which I had assumed she would love.

Arriving at the house I almost slipped on every icy step to the front door. The sandpaper I’d nailed to the stairs when I first moved home had worn down from repeated use. It didn’t help I was half blinded by a recently updated series of LED lights surrounding every tree, shrub, corner of the house, and window. Even the snowpeople couldn’t escape the maniacal creeping LED vines.

The house inside was decorated equally as elaborately with little left to the imagination. I hugged my mom and dad, carefully moving my body in twists and turns to avoid knocking any of the holiday flourishes over, like those  weird people you see in grocery stores who try to sneak past you without touching you or making eye contact.

Since all the siblings have moved away home and founded small Christmas-minded colonies of their own my mom had gotten even more carried away with the decorations, making you feel like you were stepping into a densely forested North Pole mock up in a department store. She loved it, Dad appreciated it, and the grandkids were only allowed in with careful supervision.

“Well mom, I brought you a gift for your decorations” I said with a laugh opening the bag. I pulled out the awful, gloriously gaudy leg dressed in holiday cheer, in my mind a beautiful iconic recollection of the great holiday movies of old. I traipsed through the dense menagerie of holiday decorations and gingerly placed the lamp in the picture window, fully in view from the sidewalk.

Plugging it in the light sprung to life with a soft brownish glow emitted by an edison style bulb. My mom’s face was aghast at first, as if she had seen jacob marley ascending the staircase towards her room covered in chains.

Her expression then softened up a little bit and she said with a smile “Oh dear, that’s awful… just terrible”. My dad was laughing as he walked to the kitchen and back with 2 cans of Wildcat in hand. I pulled off my leg for the night and we sat under the glow of the lamp, the tree, the village, the decorations, and the christmas hearth log on channel 3 and talked cheerfully until I fell asleep on the couch.

The next morning I woke up at instinctively at 7am to see the morning sunrise reflect off Mount Benson and reached for my leg.

Now, one thing you might not realize about putting on a prosthetic leg is there’s a process to it, like putting together a desk from Ikea. It starts with either a polyurethane or silicone liner you roll onto your leg, followed by a gel sock covered in fabric or a few layers of wool socks before putting on the leg itself, in my case followed by rolling on another silicone sleeve that attaches the prosthetic to the rest of my leg holding it all together.

I stood up and walked towards the kitchen for a coffee, as I did I noticed something was off in the living room. The lampshade was missing. In its place in the reflection of the picture window I saw a red and white cylinder shape that ascended into a curve. While I was sleeping my mom had replaced my prosthetic leg lamp with a candy cane, and the lamp was nowhere to be found. “Hey Mom”, I shouted upstairs, “my lamp! Where did you put it?” “It’s in the trash out by the the curb” she shouted back, “out front.”

Just then a sanitation truck was pulling up beside the bins on the front sidewalk. One of the bins was overflowing with a familiar looking piece of footwear sticking out prominently from one side. It was my new $35,000 prosthetic leg with a brown leather blundstone still attached to it, being lifted up towards the crusher.

I lept for the door and ran down the stairs slipping on the icy porch! “ hey wait!” I shouted, “my foot!!!” As I ran my right foot was snagged by a lights cord and I fell flat onto my face in the snow, then snapped back. By the time I reached the sanitation worker he was laughing and he said, “hey, what’s with the fishnet?” I looked down, and adorned on my right side was the bottom half of the leg lamp I’d made for my mom, complete with a fishnet stocking, a black high heel, and a long brown extension cord.

By some weird twist of fate she confused the two and had thrown my good leg in the trash in a careless effort to rid her house of my hilariously ironic gift! I had tripped face first into the snow because the leg lamp was still plugged in!

[syn-cypher]

Rage against the Corporate Machine: Fuck the FCC and lets work together to fix this forever and always.

Okay you FCC Fuckfarts (Particularly you, Ajit Pai you USI Fuckboy) I'm writing this letter to you. It's angry and laden with expletives and you can suck a fat one if it hurts your feckless feelings. Anybody and everybody is welcome to copy and paste the fuck out of this, send it to whoever your representatives are, your pastor, your boss, your mom, I give zero fucking shits right now. Hell, I give zero fucks for credit. You could say the mole on Santa's ass wrote it for all I care. This is me being honest with these cockless fuckjobs in Washington who think it's a good idea to strip away free speech and human rights when WE THE PEOPLE told them we don't want that! Because, apparently nobody wants their senate seats back. So here's the deal. Remember that bit in Aladdin where Jafar wants to have the genies power? This bit:

I think of it like this:

I think of it like this: 

You want to be the Internet Genie, you got it. And everything that goes with it: 

Not only should we charge those responsible for such despicable acts, we should also make ISP'S and EVERY. SINGLE. MEMBER. Of the FCC (And Ajit Pai because, he's a fidgetspinning fuckboi) 100% responsible for every last crime committed online. After all, isn't it true that if you're arrested with a wanted man in the car, you can be held liable? Didn't we all here the stories growing up about "It doesn't matter if you did anything or not, if you were caught with kids doing -insert illegal thing- you're also responsible!" then that will fall on them too. FCC the INSTANT you give ISP's that kind of power you are all instantly responsible for every act of violence, every hate crime, every last smidgen of human trafficking and underage pornography, every last planned attack whether it be a bombing/school shooting or an act of bullying or harassment. Let's hold them responsible for EVERY. SINGLE. CRIME. because it'd be happening on THEIR WATCH. Every person who voted "I" for this rape of free speech, add their name, they're also going to be held responsible for the wealth of evil that happens online. EVERYTHING. ESPECIALLY Ajit Pai. Also add on Human Right's violations for this shit.

I think, in order to make our internet unassailable in it's freedom, we all need to put our fucking feet down. I don't care if we have to rally somewhere, I don't care if we have to pull our votes, I don't care if we have to shout from the fucking rooftops "I'm tired as hell and I'm not going to take this anymore!" we need to make it so fucking crystal clear that they can't line their pocket with anymore stolen dollars. The people at the top make so much money it's egregious and yet they want to take what VERY LITTLE the rest of us get and fuck us again and again. Because they just don't have enough, they rat around in their mansions, their expensive cars, long lasting luscious vacations, lavish trappings, while the rest of us are happy just to be able to make a car payment AND eat at the end of the day! ENOUGH IS ENOUGH WITH THIS MOTHERFUCKING BULLSHIT. We either speak the fuck up or prepare our assholes for the dicking of a life-time because these amoral assholes don't care what happens to the people at the bottom. WE NEED TO TAKE CARE OF OURSELVES BECAUSE THEY DON'T GIVE A FUCK. WE need to do MORE than just call these fuckjobs and complain. I don't care if it means protests, I don't care if it means we sound like we're throwing tantrums, THEY'VE DONE ENOUGH TO FUCK US, WHY TAKE AWAY THE LAST BASTION OF FREE SPEECH AND HAND IT OVER TO PEOPLE WHO ARE 100% UNTRUSTWORTHY!?

Since this has riled me so, I propose we do more for our senators, our representatives, because they very clearly haven't been representing us since before all of us were fucking BORN. I propose a few changes to the current system, hell why don't we just make an addendum to our constitution which deals ENTIRELY with how our representatives are to conduct themselves. These aren't in legalese so if somebody wants to turn this into legal talk by all means, do so. Hell, add as many rules as you want, anything that strips them of their bloated self granted power is okay in my book. Anyhow, to start with:

ANY AND ALL United States, state representatives WITHOUT DISPUTE will make in wages EXACTLY that of current Minimum wage for their state AND NOTHING ELSE. They don't get a raise, they only make the current minimum wage for their state. They are not eligible for raises at ANY TIME EVER IN THE HISTORY OF TIME. THIS CAN NEVER BE REPEALED, EITHER REPRESENT OR DON'T BOTHER APPLYING. If they want to have businesses on the side, then they are allowed to do so AND WILL BE REQUIRED TO FOLLOW THE TAX RULES REGARDING OWNING A BUSINESS DOWN TO THE LETTER. You fuck it up, we come for you, just like you do to us.

ANY AND ALL United States, state representatives WITHOUT DISPUTE will pay THE EXACT SAME TAXES AS THE PEOPLE THEY REPRESENT. THEY CANNOT BE EXEMPT FROM ANY OBLIGATION THAT WE THE PEOPLE HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO FOLLOW. If WE follow it, THEY follow it. END OF DISCUSSION. (Because lets face it, more elected representatives have billions of ways to avoid paying their fair share and they do it so blatantly it's disgusting.) To that end: An oversight committee wouldn't hurt and since bribery is a thing: IF YOU ARE CAUGHT TAKING BRIBES AS PART OF THAT COMMITTEE YOU GET LIFE IN PRISON NO POSSIBILITY OF PAROLE. It's an act of treason to fuck America, so if you're helping some elected rep skate on his taxes, you're 100% liable for treason. Put that in your pipe and smoke it.

ANY AND ALL United States, state representatives WITHOUT DISPUTE MUST use the State Insurance. They can buy extra if they want, but they are REQUIRED BY LAW to have THE EXACT SAME HEALTH INSURANCE AS THEIR CONSTITUENTS OR THEY CAN LEAVE OFFICE. If they want US to buy it they sure as fuck BETTER BE ON STATE RUN HEALTH CARE. They must ALSO pay into that system in the percentages asked of us scaled up to match them. If they want Socialized medicine they can sure as fuck help pay for it.

ANY AND ALL United States, state representatives WITHOUT DISPUTE WILL BE GUILTY OF TREASON IF IT IS FOUND THAT THEY'VE TRIED TO SKIRT OR SKATE ON ANY AND ALL LAWS WITHIN THE REPUBLIC OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. If a state representative is guilty of any crime in our country, they are a traitor. They make frequent lies to us the citizens of the United States of America while living on our dime and throwing our money away. Ergo every act our elected representatives undertake should be scrutinized down to the way they dot their I's and cross their T's. If they commit crimes and pretend they represent us while doing so, it is a falsehood and therefore is traitorous against the people they've lied about representing. Ergo: They will be charged with TREASON. If they claim ignorance of the law, they will still be punished to it's fullest extent.

ANY AND ALL United States, state representatives WITHOUT DISPUTE WILL NEVER ASSAIL NET-NEUTRALITY IN THE HISTORY OF ALL TIME (if somehow we save it from this fucking mess). IT IS A FUNDAMENTAL HUMAN RIGHT THAT WE HAVE ACCESS TO THE FREE MARKET, TH BASTION OF FREE SPEECH AND AN IMMEDIATE VIOLATION OF OUR CONSTITUTION IF OUR REPRESENTATIVES TRY TO STEAL IT FROM US. IF YOU ATTEMPT TO ASSAIL OR CHIP AWAY AT FREE SPEECH AND HUMAN RIGHTS, YOU ARE A TRAITOR TO THE PEOPLE OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA AND WILL BE CHARGED WITH TREASON. FREE SPEECH, IN LAW, IS UNASSAILABLE, THE INTERNET IN THIS REPUBLIC IS UNASSAILABLE AND BELONGS TO THE PEOPLE OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA. TRYING TO SELL THAT TO CORPORATIONS CONSTITUTES TREASON AND YOU WILL BE CHARGED AS A TRAITOR.

ANY AND ALL United States, state representatives WITHOUT DISPUTE will have bank accounts in the UNITED STATES and ONLY in the UNITED STATES. NO OTHER PLACES. You keep your money, here at home because you represent US. WE keep our money at home and you get to do the same. No more foreign bank accounts so you can hide what you really make and skip out on taxes. If you don't like to be audited, too fucking bad. To wit: EVERY AND ALL REPRESENTATIVE IN THE UNITED STATES WILL BE AUDITED EVERY SIX MONTHS. You wanted job creation, well here it is: If you work representing our state, you're going to be squeaky fucking clean or you can GET THE FUCK OUT. You don't GET to make mistakes anymore. You had your time and you pissed it away fucking around on our dime. We wouldn't get away with half the crazy shit you all are up to on the regular, SO YOU GET TO BUCKLE THE FUCK DOWN OR GET THE FUCK OUT.

ANY AND ALL United States, state representatives WITHOUT DISPUTE WILL GO INTO OFFICE KEEPING THEIR OPINIONS TO THEIR FUCKING SELVES. YOU represent US. WE are a melting pot. YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO DISCRIMINATE AGAINST ANYONE EITHER BY LEGISLATION OR AT THE FUCKING OFFICE PARTY. You cannot introduce racist/sexist/homophobic/xenophobic/ legislation EVER. Your ONLY FUCKING JOB is to PAY THE BILLS. No more marriage laws, no more religious protection laws, NOTHING. YOUR JOB IS TO MAKE SURE THAT SCHOOLS ARE FUNDED, LAWS ARE FOLLOWED, AND STATES HAVE BUDGET FOR IMPORTANT STATE BUSINESS.

ANY AND ALL United States, state representatives WITHOUT DISPUTE WILL NO LONGER HAVE ACCESS TO TAX DOLLARS BEYOND DELEGATING THEIR USE THROUGHOUT THE STATE. If it is found that you are skimming money or stealing it for your own gain or to fund stupid parties, or make renovations to your stupid office, you will effectively be stealing it. Ergo: You will be charged with treason as it is traitorous to steal from the people you claim to represent. You will be sentenced accordingly. To wit: A set STRICT budget will be allowed for travel expenses. Here are the rules for travel: You will only ever fly coach. If the Average American has to do it, so do you. You represent US remember? If you want to upgrade YOU have to pay. You will stay in a hotel calculated on the minimum wage you make, and whatever is affordable for your wage bracket, will be made available. If you want to upgrade your accommodations YOU pay out of pocket. A meal voucher will be given you and if you want more, YOU pay out of pocket. Stop reaching into ours for every lavish expense you make. This logic follows, anything outside of the strict budget designed by the people YOU are 100% responsible for. We are tired of our tax dollars being misused for parties and pastries when there are WHOLE FUCKING TOWNS without CLEAN DRINKING WATER.

ANY AND ALL United States, state representatives WITHOUT DISPUTE will be graded every six months on their efficiency. If your efficiency drops below 50 percent twice in your serving period, you will be fired. We get graded at our jobs. Every six months the American People will vote on how you're doing. Every state will hold these polls at the same time of year and anyone failing to do their job will be sacked. (If someone who can legalese wants to come up with a better grading system I'm all for it.) I propose that you will be responsible for EACH AND EVERY PROMISE THAT YOU MAKE WHILE YOU'RE ON THE CAMPAIGN TRAIL. IF THEY ARE NOT MET, OR IN THE PROCESS OF BEING MET, OR SATISFACTORILY EXPLAINED AS TO WHY IT CAN'T BE MET AFTER YOU'VE ALREADY MADE AN ATTEMPT TO MEET YOUR PROMISE, YOU WILL BE FIRED. You can't make a promise you can't keep just to win votes anymore. We've been cheated too many times. You put up or you SHUT UP.

ANY AND ALL United States, state representatives WITHOUT DISPUTE will NOT endorse any religion of any kind ever. You don't represent your religion, YOU REPRESENT US! Now, if it comes out at some point in an interview or if you write a book about your life, fine. It's your story to tell at that point. HOWEVER, you will not EVER endorse it to your constituents or use it while you work in office as a reason not to do something. If you can't make a decision because you're at odds with your religion such that you are damaging the desires of your constituents: YOU'RE FIRED. We don't need people who can't do what they're told. We don't get the option to opt out of our jobs because of religious reasons and still get paid.

ANY AND ALL United States, state representatives WITHOUT DISPUTE WILL NOT BE PAID AFTER THEY LEAVE OFFICE. We don't get paid after we leave a job. Neither do you. You cannot retire and be paid by us, because we need our tax money TO FIX THE EDUCATION SYSTEM YOU FUCK UP ROUTINELY. Get another job, and if you're too old, here's hoping you retired from your last job before becoming a representative. Don't forget to set up your 401K!

ANY AND ALL United States, state representatives WITHOUT DISPUTE can only be in office for two terms equaling 8 years. I've watched states depreciate under the lackluster iron foot of assholes that no-one wants representing them mysteriously being re-elected for 100 years. Now, you don't! This will also keep fresh blood in the system so old ideas that can't keep up with modernity die.

ANY AND ALL United States, state representatives WITHOUT DISPUTE if found guilty of any crime whatsoever or of having committed acts of sexual assault on anyone, will not be protected by their position. They will be immediately prosecuted and have to pay out of pocket to defend themselves. If found guilty they will suffer the absolute punishment for their crimes and be liable for every penny paid to them by the American People during their time in office. As such, they will be audited and any money they have will be paid back into the system from whence it came and any shortage in their assets will be theirs to make up for in prison. They will not make a wage in prison and will be expected to work to pay us what they owe. If the representative in question is prosecuted and then found to be innocent, then an allowance for recompense in terms of defense expense will be allowed (if they didn't commit the crime, why put them in the poor house). To this end, they will have access to the defense that an average American citizen making minimum wage would have access to.

ANY AND ALL United States, state representatives WITHOUT DISPUTE will be abjectly and 100% held to follow the Laws of the Constitution of this Republic of the United States of America.

ANY AND ALL United States, state representatives WITHOUT DISPUTE Will be expected to behave with decorum when campaigning and refrain from personal attacks. If a representative or potential representative makes personal attacks against an opponent they are disqualified. Constructive criticism is acceptable, however, this shit-flinging that's been going on during campaigns since before all of us were born is pathetic and grating. Let the constituents do the shit flinging, you present your side, your plan, your arguments, you act with decorum and amiability, because that's what's expected of US at OUR JOBS. Thus it is expected of you. Act like an asshole, get treated like one: You get fired or you are immediately disqualified. We're all sick of pushy assholes always standing on everyone's head (Lookin' at you Christie) pretending their shit doesn't stink.

ANY AND ALL United States, state representatives WITHOUT DISPUTE CANNOT BE ENDORSED BY COMPANIES OR CORPORATIONS OF ANY KIND NOR CAN THEY ACCEPT CAMPAIGN DONATIONS FROM CORPORATIONS OF ANY KIND AND IF ANY UNDER THE TABLE MONEY IS FOUND AT ANY POINT WHETHER IT BE DURING THEIR CAMPAIGN OR YEARS IN OFFICE THEY WILL BE FIRED AND ANY BRIBE MONEY THEY ACCEPTED WILL BE REQUIRED TO BE PAID BACK TO THE AMERICAN PEOPLE AND THE CORPORATION RESPONSIBLE WILL BE ON THE HOOK FOR THE EXACT SAME AMOUNT WITH INTEREST. Kick 'em in the wallet and they'll be less inclined to fuck with us.

ANY AND ALL UNITED STATES CORPORATIONS WITHOUT DISPUTE Will NOT endorse a candidate AT ANY TIME IN THE HISTORY OF TIME. Your job is to pedal your wares, THAT'S IT. You don't GET to have more power than that.

ANY AND ALL UNITED STATES CORPORATIONS WITHOUT DISPUTE Will also follow these rules within this document: Section 4, Section 5, Section 7 (AKA: No more biased news outlets. You get to the truth of the matter and yes you can be critical, but you are held to task if you make a purposfully untrue statement that you don't correct or recant. No more lying to spin a narrative, either you tell the truth or you pay. If you are found to be blatantly lying to spin a narrative you will be subject lawsuit by the American People, as you lying to us injures us and is therefore treason against the American People if you lie or obfuscate the truth on purpose. You will be subject to treason laws. A mistake is one thing, to be purposefully misleading is another and it can and often is, injurious.), and section 14. Also, all your assets will be accounted for. No offshore bank accounts to skirt having to pay your taxes.

ANY AND ALL UNITED STATES CORPORATIONS WITHOUT DISPUTE Will be audited every 6, months. If you try skipping out on your taxes or slipping money to elected representatives (even gifts lavish or otherwise) or try to bribe auditors YOU WILL BE HELD LEGALLY RESPONSIBLE AND SUED FOR BRIBERY AND MUST PAY THE FINE TO THE AMERICAN PEOPLE, WHO YOU ARE SLAPPING IN THE FACE. YOU UNDERMINE THE POWER OF THE PEOPLE IF YOU TRY TO CIRCUMVENT IT THEREFORE YOU ARE ALSO COMMITTING TREASON AND WILL BE HELD RESPONSIBLE.

AJIT PAI IS LIABLE FOR EVERY ONLINE CRIME THAT WAS EVER COMMITTED EVER BECAUSE HE IS A FIDGET-SPINNING FUCKBOI!

Okay that last one was just for me. Honestly you guys, this is a "build your own adventure" version of "Let's hold all of these ass-backwards motherfuckers so accountable they can't piss without fear of an audit". No more lobbying bullshit, no more "Oh we're corporations so we get more say over EVERYONE because money dollars!" NOPE. I'm sick and tired of all the bullshit and The United States of America needs to find it's FUCKING BALLS AGAIN! If the FCC wants to go to war with America's people, we need to fire back. We need to tell these people that, if they want to curtail our rights, we'll crush them. WE NEED TO SPEAK! WE NEED TO SHOUT, WE NEED TO MAKE OUR RIGHTS AND FREEDOMS UNASSAILABLE FOREVER AND ALL TIME! Besides, think of it as job creation, just imagine how much work the American people could add to the economy adding so many auditors to the workforce? We need people to audit American companies on the regular, we need people to Audit American representatives on the regular. Do you have any idea how much man power that would take? Tons! So lets make some jobs out of this mess and hold our representatives and their corporate leash holders to the fire! Cut the corporate apron strings and put money back into where it belongs: THE ECONOMY. The middle class disappears because assholes at the top STEAL our tax dollars and throw shit like this back in our faces. We always hear about senators and congressman using our tax dollars on hookers and blow, yet we go "OH how unfair!" before we click on the next piece of tasty clickbait on Yahoo news. No fucking MORE. We've had our rights attacked by OUR OWN REPRESENTATIVES TIME AND TIME AGAIN! Let's push the fuck back. I know this is one big long angry letter, I know it's not perfect, I know that I am not a perfect person and that no person is. However, it is expected of the people who represent us to push pencils as pertaining to what we want for ourselves. This isn't a wish granting service, we need logical things, like better schools, CLEAN FUCKING DRINKING WATER, and FREE FUCKING SPEECH. These motherfuckers want to kill the free market so they can line their already bursting pockets with ill gotten gains (because, lets face it, they're stealing from us). We need to do more than just call and be angry, we need to fight back with something that punches them in the wallet. To that end: ANYBODY WHO CAN LEGALESE LIKE A BOSS/HAS A LEGAL BACKGROUND, OR IS ABLE TO TURN THIS INTO AN ACTUAL LEGAL DOCUMENT: PLEASE DO SO! TO ANY AND ALL PEOPLE WHO HAVE SOMETHING CONDUCIVE TO ADD, PLEASE DO SO! We need to start compiling a document that is also 100% unassailable that spells out that on no uncertain terms can our elected officials even take a PISS without our fucking permission.Their private lives are their own insofar as they don't affect the American people and aren't illegal. But when they are working they are OURS. They are public SERVANTS. To that end, while we're trying to fix things, we also need to spell out to corporations that they don't get to have the power, IT BELONGS TO THE PEOPLE. Their job is to make media, entertainment, items, clothes, what the fuck ever. IT IS NOT TO INTERVENE IN POLITICS OR TRY TO GARNER ENDORSEMENTS OR POWER OR PRIZES FROM OUR ELECTED OFFICIALS. They can roller-skate their asses into bed with Hollywood all they fucking want, but on the stage of our politics, beyond reporting, they can get the fuck out. They had their time and they've done nothing but fuck us with it. When a kid almost shoots his eye out with a BB Gun you don’t let him keep the BB gun. Goddammit, I know it's hard, I know there's hoops to go through but lets find a way to fix this fucking shit somehow rather than let these people keep steamrolling the fuck out of us and fucking our country. All the while WE THE PEOPLE can't afford the barest insurance coverage, we can hardly feed ourselves despite working full time jobs, the middle class disappears, and the only people getting tax breaks are the ones that make so much money they won't even fucking notice it! I implore my fellow citizens, lets make a document containing our desires, find some way to legalize the fuck out of it, AND THEN CRAM IT DOWN OUR GOVERNMENTS UNGRATEFUL SLOVENLY THROATS! ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. You all like fucking hashtags, right? Pick one, or hell, make up your own! I don't care, let's just use this ragetastic document as a jumping off point to FUCK YOU land for the assholes who are strangling us and using our own fucking money to do it! You can copy and paste the fuck out of this, hell you could pretend you wrote it, I give zero fucking fucks, just get it out there and let's generate some change or fall on our own sword for not being active enough in our own defense. #WeThePeople #TheWillofThePeople #FucktheFCC #netneutrality #freedomofspeech #Theconstitution

[adamroper]

A Christmas Foot, Chapter 1: The Lamp

Our story starts off in a more humble climate than others you may have heard, moreso than Manhatten, suburban chicago, the North Pole or a giant department store. The camera starts at my feet and pans upwards to a sign reading “East Hastings” in Vancouver’s iconic Downtown Eastside, revealing the Carnegie Hall in the background.

My first apartment in Vancouver is just around the corner on Cordova & Princess. Down the street in Gastown is the first restaurant I took a job doing dishes at, during my first Christmas in Vancouver. Incidentally, this would end up being the last house I lived in while I still had both my feet.

Not long after I moved to this interesting winter wonderland shared with cockroaches, rats, traffic noise, lineups towards a soup kitchen, and the occasional flooded basement a doctor said my right foot had had enough. My poor foot had done it’s best to support me for years after a childhood accident and it was time to send it to foot heaven. I wondered if foot heaven was the same as cat heaven, which is where my mom said my brown cat went to after it fell out of a 2 story window.

It shouldn’t be too surprising my right limb and I had to part ways- honestly I’m surprised it hadn’t gone sooner, or that it wasn’t joined by another appendage. You would be too if you’d seen some of the crazy winter antics my dad and my two brothers and sister got upto each year around december.

One year in the 90s saw our family cross country skiing when a blizzard brought the entire city of Nanaimo to a standstill. The marsh is perfectly safe, it’s frozen over he would say as we coasted confidently onto its icy surface. Or the time my dad tied a GT Racer sled to the trailer hitch of his 15 passenger van towing it on the backroads of mount benson, only stopping when he would notice the sled veering off towards a ditch.

Not long after losing the foot I also lost the apartment I was living in while trying against my sister’s advice to carry on as if things were normal.

At the time the housing crisis in Vancouver was in full swing, and when most folks weren’t either ice skating down on Robson or taking in the German Christmas market they were looking for a place to live for January.

They like me had done the best with the apartment they had- they had put plastic over their heritage windows to cut down on the BC hydro bill, they had placed the Christmas tree in front of the large hole in the drywall the last tenants had left, they had poured nearly half a bottle of pine extract into their scent diffusers to cover up the cigarette smell in the hallway, they had set up all manner of elaborate rat traps to avoid being contaminated by the plague, they had insisted to the landlord that, yes, those dark looking spots under the sink are black mold, all the while dreaming of finding a more ideal living situation.

To put it simply, it’s difficult trying to find one of these rumored nice apartments, much less trying to do so with only one foot, hopping from one viewing to the next trying to outrun the rest of the marathon of young professionals in search of the holy grails of affordable living.

At last I resigned, calling my parents half a month before Christmas to tell them about my housing woes. Well, just come home for the season, my dad said on the phone, it’ll just be for a few months until your foot man or whatever you call him makes you a new leg and you’ll be walking again in no time! Really, it’s what you should  done in the first place, come home and we’ll take care of you.

So on to the ferry I went with a backpack containing a modestly redacted version of my life in Vancouver, the rest of it residing in a friend’s garage for the winter. I was trying not to slip and fall with my single blundstone and crutches, somehow avoiding the 3 ferry sailing waits that would transpire in the days to follow.

As luck would have it I arrived just in time to help my mom set up her elaborate Christmas village- arranged with a stunning eye for detail and careful planning- most towns and cities in Canada would have a hard time comparing to the structural engineering marvel and ease of traffic infrastructure my mom had created.

There was hardly ever a traffic jam in “The Winter village of Avonlea”, and the crime rate was next to zero. “Over here we’ll put the post office, and across the way we’ll place the butcher adjacent to the bakery” she would instruct me, “so the postman will save time gathering groceries on his way home from work, and we’ll place the city hall on the corner of Bedford Halls Lane and Bing Boulevard.”

Oh and don’t get me started on the tree decorations. My dad was allowed to pick the tree out, and that was the full extent of his involvement. Every year it became the host to a multitude of angels, small wooden sleds, doves, owls, pigeons, even the occasional crow. There were glass spheres coated with gold, silver, and platinum. Snowglobes snowed every day of the week, lords leaping and ladies dancing in circles all the way to the shining pinnacle on top of the tree. Some years it was another larger angel, other years a star, one year it was curiously a picture of elvis.

When it came to Christmas decorating my mom was the queen of the ice castle. My dad was self-decidedly in charge of creating our seasonal chaos scenarios to prepare us for adulthood, while my mom was in charge of everything inside the house. You dared not alter the carefully planned set up in any way lest you awaken the demon Krampus.

That was about 6 years ago, and of course things have changed since then. I now have 4 legs instead of only 1. I have my actual leg, my brand new prosthetic leg, and a climbing leg and a running leg. You have every leg you’ll need to carry out a great bank heist, my sister-in-law joked. I would need to I figured in order to continue paying for them. All said and done the price of a leg is pretty well comparable to a brand new honda accord.

After a harrowing few years of recovering and moving back to Vancouver, going from one house to the next, and I was finally in a moderately stable fairly well priced townhouse. It was Christmas again and this year I was heading to the ferry to see my mom and dad who still lived on the island. I had a smaller backpack this time as well as a curiously shaped duffel bag with a surprise for mom. Looking at the bag you might think it was a pile of field hockey sticks, or a set of broken golf clubs. In reality it was one of my retired legs, refashioned with a black fishnet stocking, a black high heel and a detachable light and lampshape.

You see every few years the legs wear down and they need to be replaced. like a ford car or an apple computer these things don't last long, even with casual use. Once they’re retired they make a surprisingly great basis for all kinds of creative art sculptures. Thus was born a beautiful lamp centerpiece to my mom’s carefully thought out Christmas decoration extravaganza, which I had assumed she would love.

Arriving at the house I almost slipped on every icy step to the front door. The sandpaper I’d nailed to the stairs when I first moved home had worn down from repeated use. It didn’t help I was half blinded by a recently updated series of LED lights surrounding every tree, shrub, corner of the house, and window. Even the snowpeople couldn’t escape the maniacal creeping LED vines.

The house inside was decorated equally as elaborately with little left to the imagination. I hugged my mom and dad, carefully moving my body in twists and turns to avoid knocking any of the holiday flourishes over, like those  weird people you see in grocery stores who try to sneak past you without touching you or making eye contact.

Since all the siblings have moved away home and founded small Christmas-minded colonies of their own my mom had gotten even more carried away with the decorations, making you feel like you were stepping into a densely forested North Pole mock up in a department store. She loved it, Dad appreciated it, and the grandkids were only allowed in with careful supervision.

“Well mom, I brought you a gift for your decorations” I said with a laugh opening the bag. I pulled out the awful, gloriously gaudy leg dressed in holiday cheer, in my mind a beautiful iconic recollection of the great holiday movies of old. I traipsed through the dense menagerie of holiday decorations and gingerly placed the lamp in the picture window, fully in view from the sidewalk.

Plugging it in the light sprung to life with a soft brownish glow emitted by an edison style bulb. My mom’s face was aghast at first, as if she had seen jacob marley ascending the staircase towards her room covered in chains.

Her expression then softened up a little bit and she said with a smile “Oh dear, that’s awful... just terrible”. My dad was laughing as he walked to the kitchen and back with 2 cans of Wildcat in hand. I pulled off my leg for the night and we sat under the glow of the lamp, the tree, the village, the decorations, and the christmas hearth log on channel 3 and talked cheerfully until I fell asleep on the couch.

The next morning I woke up at instinctively at 7am to see the morning sunrise reflect off Mount Benson and reached for my leg.

Now, one thing you might not realize about putting on a prosthetic leg is there's a process to it, like putting together a desk from Ikea. It starts with either a polyurethane or silicone liner you roll onto your leg, followed by a gel sock covered in fabric or a few layers of wool socks before putting on the leg itself, in my case followed by rolling on another silicone sleeve that attaches the prosthetic to the rest of my leg holding it all together.

I stood up and walked towards the kitchen for a coffee, as I did I noticed something was off in the living room. The lampshade was missing. In its place in the reflection of the picture window I saw a red and white cylinder shape that ascended into a curve. While I was sleeping my mom had replaced my prosthetic leg lamp with a candy cane, and the lamp was nowhere to be found. “Hey Mom”, I shouted upstairs, “my lamp! Where did you put it?” “It’s in the trash out by the the curb” she shouted back, “out front.”

Just then a sanitation truck was pulling up beside the bins on the front sidewalk. One of the bins was overflowing with a familiar looking piece of footwear sticking out prominently from one side. It was my new $35,000 prosthetic leg with a brown leather blundstone still attached to it, being lifted up towards the crusher.

I lept for the door and ran down the stairs slipping on the icy porch! “ hey wait!” I shouted, “my foot!!!” As I ran my right foot was snagged by a lights cord and I fell flat onto my face in the snow, then snapped back. By the time I reached the sanitation worker he was laughing and he said, “hey, what’s with the fishnet?” I looked down, and adorned on my right side was the bottom half of the leg lamp I’d made for my mom, complete with a fishnet stocking, a black high heel, and a long brown extension cord.

By some weird twist of fate she confused the two and had thrown my good leg in the trash in a careless effort to rid her house of my hilariously ironic gift! I had tripped face first into the snow because the leg lamp was still plugged in!