#they make me actually unwell. i need immediate medical attention

[sixlane]

Just got home and thinking about James wanting a sparring session bc barty got one and reg saying smth along the lines of ‘the bigger they are the harder they fall’ and james just ‘head over heels? For you always, habibi’ he will win at least once by foul play (he is flustering reg to no ends by flirting and saying some very obscene things)

a new day and we are back at it again

reg reluctantly agrees to spar (he is foaming at the mouth to get his hands on james) and james is so much bigger than him but reg is fast and agile. takes him down so quick. straddling him with and arm across his throat like “you left your right side open 😐” and james just reaches up to push a curl behind his ear like “you look so good on top of me. we should make this a regular thing” and reg gets all flustered and drops his guard. james gets the upper hand and flips them so he’s on top all “nevermind i think i like this better” RAHHHHHHH

[inkskinned]

you have to go to work so you can pay for your doctor, who is not taking your insurance right now, and if you say i can't afford the doctor's you are told - get a better job. it is very sad that you are unwell, yes, but maybe you should have thought about that before not having a better job.

(where is the better job? who is giving out these better jobs? you are sick, you are hurting - how the hell are you supposed to be well enough for this better job?)

but you go to the doctor because you had the nerve to be hurt or sick or whatever else. and they tell you that it is because you have anxiety. you try your best. you are a self-advocate. you've done the reading (which sometimes pisses them off worse, honestly). you say it is actually adding to my anxiety, it is effecting my quality of life. so they say that you are fat. they say that all young people have this happen to them, isn't it a medical marvel! they say that you should eat more vegetables. they say that you probably just need to lose a little more weight, and that you are faking it for attention.

(what attention could this doctor possibly give? what validation? that's their fucking job, isn't it?)

there is always a hypochondriac, right. someone always tells you about a hypochondriac. or someone who is unnecessarily aggressive during the worst days of their life. or someone looking "for a quick fix". or some idiot who wasn't educated about how to properly care for themselves who just abandons their treatment. and again, the hypochondriac, the overly-cautious hysteric. these people don't deserve to be treated like humans (right), and since you might be one of these people, you also don't get treated like a human. because those people can really fuck with the system, you now have to pay for it. and besides. you're actually probably faking it.

(more often than not, you find a 2:1 ratio of these stories. for every "hypochondriac", there are 2 people who knew something was wrong, and yet nobody could fucking find it. the story often ends with pointless suffering. the story often ends with and now it's too late, and it's going to kill me.)

you are actually just making excuses. someone else got that procedure or that diagnosis and he's fine, you should be fine too. someone else said they watched a documentary about other inspirational people with your exact same condition, maybe you should be inspirational, too. you're just too morbid. your pain and your experience is probably just not statistically concerning. it is all self-reported anyway, and you're just being a baby.

(once, while sitting down in the middle of making coffee, you had the sudden, horrible thought - i could kill myself to make the pain stop. you had to call your best friend after that. had to pet your dog. had to cry about it in the shower. you won't, but that moment - god, fuck. the pain just goes on and on.)

you know someone who went in for routine surgery and said i still feel everything. they told her to just relax. it took her kicking and screaming before they figured out she wasn't lying - the anesthetic drip hadn't been working. you know someone who went in for severe migraines who was told drink water and lose weight. you know someone who was actively bleeding out and throwing up in the ER and was told you're just having a bad period.

in the ER there are always these little posters saying things like "don't wait! get checked today!" and you think about how often you do wait. how often the days spool out. you once waited a full week before seeing the doctor for what you thought was a sprained wrist. it had actually been broken - they had to rebreak it to set it.

but you go into the doctor. the problem you're having is immediate. the person behind the counter frowns and says we're not taking your insurance. you will be paying for this out-of-pocket.

they send you home with tylenol and a little health packet about weight loss or anxiety or attention deficit. on the front it has your birthday and diagnosis. you think about crying, and the words swim. it might as well say go fuck yourself. it might as well say you're a fucking idiot. it might as well say light your money on fire and lie down in it. and the entire fucking time - the problem persists.

it's okay. it's okay, it's just another thing, you think. it's just another thing i have to learn to live with.

[wonijinjin]

seventeen members with a sick s/o

author’s note: wrote this because everyone seems to catch the flu going around (including myself), hope this gives you all a bit of comfort:)

synopsis: what the title says

word count: 2.2k | genre: fluff, comfort | pairings: seventeen members x gn! reader | warnings: mentions of illness, throwing up, headaches, sneezing, fevers, coughing, fainting, food, a few curse words

cheol and you had been cuddling on the couch when he noticed how warm you were in his hold and how fatigued you looked. “my love is everything alright? you feel too warm.” you didn’t have the energy in you to reply properly so you whined in response, him not needing it after he felt your cheeks. “you are burning up, let’s get you to bed, love.” he said while wrapping you in a blanket and carrying you in a princess hold back to the bedroom.

- overall he would be very attentive when it comes to your wellbeing, quickly noticing how your energy levels have changed (mans has 12 kids, he can detect these things from miles away, parental instincts)

- you are his top priority; he would be running around to get you medication and everything else you need

- bonus points for babying you and sweet talking because he knows how sensitive you get when not feeling good

hannie had always been a light sleeper, so it wasn’t a surprise when he woke up to you coughing during the night. “angel, are you okay?” he would ask, worried if you chocked on your own saliva in your dreams or if you were sick, which was the case sadly. “do you want me to stay up with you till you fall asleep? you can take cough drops in the morning.” he would offer while soothing you, and you would gladly accept.

- he is known to be playful, but he immediately becomes serious if he sees you feeling unwell

- would want to cuddle with you all day, it gives him an excuse to be lazy and rest aswell (which he needs btw, being so handsome is tiring)

- bonus points for singing a sweet melody to help you fall asleep, his giggles are so cute they would cure you in a heartbeat

joshua got a text from you saying that you were sent home because you fainted at work, so he called you in a rush. “darling what happened? did you not take care of yourself? i need to look after you more since you cannot do it yourself.” after you explained the situation to him he would be joking around a bit to lighten the mood if he knew you were alright. “wait for me, i’m on my way home with your favourite tea.” he said before hanging up, your heart warm due to knowing he was on his way.

- he would be sooo gentle, kind of being afraid of disturbing you in any way since he knew how tired you were

- you can expect all the kisses, smooches in the world from him (he says this will cure your illness faster, but in reality he just wants to kiss you continouosly)

- bonus points for getting you a new plushie since he couldn’t leave his baby without an emotional support toy if he needed to run to the store

jun knew you were sick the moment he saw you drinking a warm cup of tea; you weren’t the biggest fan of it, you preferred coffee. “dear what hurts? is it your throat?” he asked immediately, already on his way to the kitchen to make you some ginger shots which are well known to be full of vitamins. you followed him, mumbling about how you felt achy all over to which he kissed you on the forehead. “don’t worry dear, i will take care of you!”

- he is quite calm on the outside but he is freaking out on the inside for sure, being afraid of messing up something and making you feel worse

- he pulls up the chinese remedies he knows and hopes for the best, honestly a bit lost about what to do, thinks your immune system just needs enough time to recover

- bonus points for not being afraid to kiss you because you really crave physical affection and need him to cuddle with you

hoshi didn’t realise you were feeling under the weather until you actually sneezed on him, hard. “oh my god baby tiger are you okay? are you dying???” he would be shouting in a worried tone, making your ear ring so much you had to shush him to be quiet. he goes out to buy you tissues and nasal spray to help with the congestion and on the way back he would buy snacks which you would appreciate a lot.

- very scared tiger, doesn’t know how to help properly other than suggesting taking vitamins

- calls his mom for help on making soup and cooks a delicious nutritious meal for you thanks to her which he will brag about for years saying how well he took care of you

- bonus points for following your orders very well, he does everything you ask him to

wonwoo knew something was up with you when you were more clingy than usual; climbing into his lap and resting your head on his shoulder while he was gaming, heat radiating off of you. “are you tired sweetheart? you feel a bit clammy, are you coming down with something?” he would ask in a deep concerned tone to which you just nodded into his shoulder. “why don’t we get you under those warm sheets while i make you a tea, hm?” he would scoop you up gently, bringing you to the comfort of your bedsheets.

- one of the best caretakers in seventeen, he is not too suffocating but will be by your side in a heartbeat if you need anything

- would not let you do any chores; his top priority would be keeping you in bed to sleep off the virus you managed to catch

- bonus points for reading to you at night when you can’t fall asleep due to the symptoms and keeping you on his chest to calm you down

while being in his studio you decided to take a nap on the couch which was a warning sign to woozi, because you never took naps during the day, only when feeling unwell or upset. when you woke up his face welcomed you. “let me take you home, you are clearly in no condition to nap on a couch.” he would insist, picking you up and motioning you towards the door. “i will take a break aswell, on the way home we will buy you some medicine, okay?” he would assure you that you are in the best hands, letting sleep overtake you in the car.

- he is not the type to be overbearing and extremely worried, although he knows how you tend to overwork yourself, so he will make sure you don’t overdo things, but won’t forbid anything

- however, when you are asleep and he sees you in pain his heart aches so he would be quietly whispering to whoever is up in the clouds to make you feel better soon, because he can’t bare seeing you be so weak and fragile

- bonus points for tucking you in when you fall asleep and frequently checking up on you while he works

minghao found out you are sick through your friend whom he accidentally bumps into on his way home. “y/n you didn’t you tell me you were sick? stay put i will be there in a few minutes.” he would rush to your apartment, a sad smile taking place on his face when he saw you wrapped up in a blanket and surrounded by tissues on the couch. “ahw, you really got that bug, didn’t you? i know just the right ways to fasten your recovery.”

- he is very calm when he handles the situation, quickly assessing the damage done to your immune system and brainstorming ideas to solve it

- his tea-lover self will surely make you some which will taste really bitter as it is probably some chinese remedy, but you will drink it anyway, because he insists

- bonus points for cleaning up your apartment and making you dinner to have something in you while taking your meds

mingyu woke up in the middle of the night to the shuffling of the bedsheets and you telling him you just threw up. “my poor baby. you must feel horrible. let’s get you into a nice bubble bath, yeah? then while you relax a bit i will bring you a few crackers and start making a delicious soup.” he would say while wrapping you into his arms; no matter how late it was he wanted to help.

- he is basically a chef so you would have all the food you crave, or if you don’t have an appetite he would try to get something really light into your system

- he may be more whiny than you since he is very worried, but he will gladly shut up about it and talk to you about random stuff so it takes your mind off of the sickness

- bonus points for cuddling you every minute, the man is so clingy you could not escape his hold even if you wanted to

when you were watching a movie a coughing fit took over you and dk started patting your back without hesitation. “sunshine, are you sick? wait, let me get you a glass of water, okay? stay here, your new nurse and fantastic boyfriend will take care of you!” he went to the kitchen for the drink, returning with a blanket from your bedroom, draping over your half asleep, trembling form.

- this baby would be so worried he would literally start crying if he saw you get worse despite taking care of you, and would think his efforts were not enough (which is of course a lie, he is doing more than expected)

- would cancel all his practices and any meeting he has so he could take care of you, monitoring your temperature and consulting with you doctor via emails

- bonus points for making you laugh even when you feel like absolute shit with his funny and silly faces and bad jokes

when you woke up in the morning seungkwan was already all over you, asking so many questions all at once you hardly understood any of them. “did you take your vitamins last night as i told you? are you feeling better? did you take your temperature yesterday? we should take it now actually.” he would say while getting you breakfast in bed along with the thermometer.

- he would be handling you like a child and would be caring for you like a mother hen, he is just worried about you to be honest

- best at having all the medicine and vitamins you need, not just in literal meaning, but in food too; he would have so many nutritious fruits and bone broth soup for you to eat, he knows it helps restore your energy

- bonus points for letting you do whatever you want after recovering since he feels guilty about you gettng sick (even though he had nothing to do with it)

vernon stepped into the bedroom and was greeted by darkness and your form laying on the bed, curled up, shivering. “you okay there, babe?” he moved closer to you, moving the covers above you, tucking you in nicely. “do you need me to get you some tea?” he asked, brows knitted together. “you know what, i will get you some anyway.” not even waiting for your reply he disappeared into the kitchen.

- kinda malewife material, he cares about you so much and knows how bad being sick can be so he babies you (which is very rare for him to do tbh)

- a silent lover and his actions talk more than he actualy does during the period of your illness, probably does things like asking mingyu to make you some soup (boy cannot cook to save his life)

- bonus points for making you a relaxing playlist while he makes you a warm bath to loosen your muscles and clear your sinuses because he read that steam can help a lot with congestion and overall stiffness

even though he is the youngest in seventeen dino worries about you a lot, and he wants to check up on you every minute while you are unwell. “hi darling, did you take your medicine for the fever? did you sleep well? no? don’t worry i am heading home in a few minutes, my sweetheart needs me.” he would rush home to you if he sensed you missed him and would be taking care of you for weeks if needed, puffing up your pillows and buying you the most expensive tissues so it won’t hurt your nose.

- so soft when he feels needed, he would spoon feed you the porridge he makes and pat your head in bed until you fall asleep

- he just loves babying his lover, since he has received the baby treatment from his hyungs he would be pretty good at knowing ways to make you feel better quickly; like putting a cool cloth on your head

- bonus points for buying you a whole new closet of warmer clothes since he insists you keep warm after you caught a nasty cold in fall, he does not care about the price if it is about his precious baby

[servin-up-surveys]

survey #173

Have you ever had a sexually gay experience? Yes.

Do you find any of your friends hot? Yeah, I'm not really shy about this, especially with my female friends. You can find someone physically attractive but not pursue them romantically or truly sexually.

Are your legs freshly shaven? No. As my legs are getting stronger though, and I'm losing weight and just moving more comfortably, I might start doing it again soon-ish. I'm just so, SO self-conscious of how dark and hairy my legs are, but I don't want to hide them my whole damn life. I simply do not have it in me to be confident as a hairy woman, blame society on that one. Anyone seeing them right now mortifies me.

Does your best friend wear glasses? Yes, otherwise he's blind as shit like me lmao

Have you ever woke up crying from a bad dream? Yes, this is extremely normal, especially with my nightmares/terrors.

Who knows more about you: online friends or offline? Online by fucking far. I'm so much more open about myself with people online.

Does your family own any land? No.

Who is the oldest sibling in your family? Katie.

Are you close to any of your aunts/uncles? No; not because I don't want to be, they just live primarily in New York and Ohio and I've only seen the ones I still associate with a couple of times. I don't remember my dad's sister at all, and my mom's sane brother is someone I also only have faint memories of; I was particularly close to his wife when I visited, she helped me through a panic attack.

When was the last time you were in a hospital? March 2022.

Do you plan on losing weight any time soon? I've been in a veeeeeeeeeeery slow process of massive weight loss, but now that my hypothyroidism is adequately medicated and I'm being more attentive than ever with what I eat and drink, + exercising some, I've been losing weight again. It's way slower than I want, but I know slower is better anyway.

What do you think of people who get drunk every weekend? It doesn't seem very responsible, however so long as they're not operating machinery like cars and not hurting themselves nor others, adults can do what they want.

Are you looking forward to anything? I don't know what yet, but yeah; Girt's mom wants to plan a family thing to do, which always includes myself and Mom, and I absolutely always love doing family stuff with them. I've been really emotional lately over how ignored me and ESPECIALLY Mom are by both my sisters, and the more I do stuff with my boyfriend's fam and feel actually wanted, it makes the realization of how unwell things really are in my immediate family hurt much worse.

What was the last bad news you heard? Well I've learned our landlord has been mentioning to Mom the possibility of her selling the house, which would kick us clean out of it, so that's cool. I should mention us moving in here was her idea, by the way.

What was your GPA in high school? I know it was over 4.0, but not the exact decimal number.

Do you require a lot of private time? Absofuckinglutely, that's how I refresh and am able to be a tolerable person to be around.

Do you know how to play any odd instruments most people can't play? No.

Have you ever had a parasite before? omfg no I'd rather fucking die. I've had ticks on me before, but nothing internal, and ticks never stayed on long because I've always been horrified of them so I got them off immediately.

Have you ever been punched in the face before? No, I've never been punched at all, and I'd like it to stay that way.

Are there regular trains in and out of your town/city? Yes. It's certainly not a major train station, but it exists.

Do you bathe your pets regularly? No; none need that. I recently did give Venus a soak for the very first time because she shed very poorly (I struggle SO FUCKING BAD with maintaining humidity in that terrarium) and I was so proud of her, she did excellent and even seemed to enjoy it; I'm sure the extra hydration was great for her, too. She behaved so well, especially with loosening her eye caps; snakes generally aren't big on their heads being touched, and that goes for Venus too, but there wasn't a single hiss or anything out of her.

What was the last animal you saw, and was it a pet? I can see Roman (cat) snoozing in the doorway.

Who was the last person you messaged on Facebook? Girt's sister Ashley.

When was the last time you saw them? A few weekends ago.

Where do you see yourself in a year? Hopefully employed (this is what I want more than anything else), maybe living with Girt. I hope I'm much healthier/fitter.

[TW: OVERDOSE/SUICIDE] Do you know anyone who has overdosed? Well yeah, me, but obviously it didn't take me out because I got help fast enough. I know at least one person (but I think more) who died of it, but I'm certain I know multiple people who have attempted. It is sadly a very common way out of life.

Where are your siblings as of now? I know my older sister is on vacation with her family; Nicole's either at home or there with Ash, I feel like she was planning on going where Ash did, too. Maybe for only a day or something, idk, I'm never in the fucking loop of what my sisters are doing.

Have you ever lost anyone close to cancer? Anyone emotionally close to me, no humans, but I've lost pets to it, most horrifically in Cali's case because the tumor (I can't recall what cancer) ruptured and was basically crushing her lungs. Dale died of like... thyroid cancer or something, I can't recall, and it's definitely possible that Teddy had something cancerous going on at the time of his death, but I'm not sure on that. His situation was mostly age and definitely something neurological when the seizures started. My rat Tezzeret was euthanized due to cancer in one of his eyes. I ALMOST lost my mom to cancer, she's had it twice and the second go was a literal fucking hair from terminal, but she's impressing absolutely everyone - even her doctors - with how well she's managed. She's strong as a goddamn ox.

Do you personally know anyone who is transgender? Yeah, multiple friends of mine are.

When was the last time you got a shot? ugh when I had my last wisdom tooth taken out; they gave me numbing shots of course, but I'm very convinced this dentist went a bit too hard or SOMEthing, like he made me stretch my jaw open as much as I could before doing the injections, and it took MANY days for my jaw in that area to stop hurting, like it was affecting my ability to open my mouth and eat.

Have you ever been into a car accident? Yes, and ever since then I've been terrified of cars/driving. It was only my mom's driving skill and quick thinking that saved us from flipping over and the accident being far worse, apparently.

When was the last time you spent over $100 in one transaction? What did you buy? Around a month ago when I got my tattoo finished.

Are you a breakfast person? Yes, I don't understand how some people regularly go without it.

What type of books do you like to read? Young adult fantasy, especially when animals or mythical creatures are involved.

How do you get rid of hiccups? Literally no method works for me; I've had hiccups for over a straight hour on multiple occasions, they don't fucking stop when I start.

Do you have any healthy addictions? Not really, that I can think of.

Do you pay much attention to speed limits while driving? When I did drive, yeah, I did. I didn't fuck around with driving safety.

Which parent was more strict when you were growing up? Mom, in all honesty Dad did basically nothing to truly raise us.

Have you ever watched The Golden Girls? Yes, I absolutely love that show. Mom would watch it a lot while I was growing up so I've liked it a long time.

Do you like getting dirty? No, it honestly stresses me out.

Are you a very flirty person? Not in general. I flirt with my boyfriend a lot, mostly in a silly and playful way, but if you're not my s/o, I don't flirt.

Who was your favorite babysitter? One of our childhood neighbors that my sisters and I knew as "Uncle Donny," even though he wasn't related to us. He and his wife Janet were the grandparents of a girl named Jennifer, who lived a few houses down from us and was friends with my older sister Ashley, so they would keep us if needed. They were such a sweet family; Janet's been dead (diabetes complications, pretty sure) for many many years, and it's heartbreaking to realize that by THIS point, Uncle Donny probably is too. They were already up there in age, and Donny was never the same after Janet passed.

Do you believe in the death penalty? In very extreme cases where you show literally no interest in changing as a human and have proven you're a genuine danger to the public, yes. The only devils exist on earth, and a person is absolutely able to become one that no longer has the right to be here. I do wanna emphasize though, I am talking EXTREME cases, and those where there are no "maybe"s about their innocence.

Name a person that you can’t stand and tell us why? My somehow-once best friend Colleen, because I have never in my life met a person as hateful and self-important as her. It's embarrassing to even say we were ever friends at any point; we've always been immensely different people, but I guess that's what loneliness does to people, you accept any friendship presented to you.

If you could have a video of one event in your life, what would the video be? I'd love to have a video of my and Girt's first interaction, because I'm actually unsure of what it was and I'd REALLY like to know.

What is the most illegal thing you have ever done? Ridden with a driver that was high, probably. It was one of the scariest moments of my entire life, I was scared to tell her no. If we got pulled over, literally both of us would have gone to jail.

Last person you sang happy birthday to? My niece Aubree.

What form of government do you like the most? (capitalism, socialism, etc.) I can't answer this, I am way too uninformed on these topics, and there are quite a few forms of government. I CAN tell you capitalism isn't the fuckin way though; living in North America, this is one I know the dangers of. I see it and live it.

Is there a song you can’t handle listening to, even though you like it? I physically cannot listen to "Stairway to Heaven" by Led Zeppelin. I fully expect to experience a panic attack. It's a song I don't even let "play" in my head, I can't.

Last time you saw fireworks? A couple nights ago, out the window.

Do you have a black dog? No, she's white and brown.

If you took someone on a tour of your town, what would you show them? Uhhhh... I guess my go-to would be City Lake, which is a small lake obviously with a big fountain and surrounded by a walking path, and there are lots of metal art sculptures around it to check out. There are fishing spots and also some seed dispensers to feed the ducks and geese, which are really prevalent here because they've LOOOOONG since learned they get fed; the waterfowl diversity is my favorite part. The only other place I can think of is the art + science museum we have here. It's not a great museum, like your big, beloved museum destinations make it look like a shitfest, but it's SOMETHING okay, this place sucks lol. Actually after the lake we can go to dinner at Chico's, it's this Mexican restaurant literally right beside the lake alongside the Tar River. Chico's isn't the building itself, it's a big brick building with a high tower for something, I can't remember what for the life of me, it just includes the restaurant, and I always thought their decor was cool.

Have you been to the capital of your state? Yeah, it's only like, 50-ish minutes away, and I've had many doctors located there. Plus I always go to their Cheesecake Factory on my birthday lol

Would you be more in your element camping in a tent or an RV? RV.

[omgjasminesimone]

Life Goes On

Dakota x MC

Word Count: ~2,300

Now with Follow-Up, The Moments in Between

She doesn’t want to say anything, but eventually she has to. After all, they’re Prom Royalty tonight. There’s no way their absence from the Edenbrook Prom hasn’t been noticed by now.

“Should we head back down there?” Sage asks quietly, breaking the comfortable silence between the pair.

Dakota’s index finger momentarily pauses in its absent-minded tracing of stars, hearts, and what Sage surmises must be ghosts, based on the wavy lines at the bottom, on her bare back. He restarts the invisible drawings on her hip before he finally replies. “Honestly, I just want to stay up here with my incredible girlfriend. Let’s never leave this bed.”

Sage smiles, lifting her head from where it was tucked under his chin. “That offer would be much more appealing if this was a Queen instead of a hospital bed.”  

Dakota laughs, and Sage smiles at her unending ability to make him do that, further entwining her legs with his. She’s no longer worried about what the other prom attendees are thinking about their absence as the teens fall into another comfortable silence.

“That was amazing, Teach.” Dakota eventually says, his lips pressed gently against her forehead. “Thanks for taking that one off my bucket list.”

Sage looks up at him, placing a quick peck to his lips. “I was more than happy to help you get the full Senior Prom Night experience.” She admits when she pulls away.

Dakota smiles at her, but it doesn’t quite meet his eyes. Her brow furrows. “What?”

“….This is probably the worst time to bring this up…..” Dakota begins before trailing off as he looks at her uncertainly.

“What, Dakota? You know you can tell me anything, right?”

His eyes dart to their scattered clothes on the sterile hospital floor before he’s able to meet her sincere gaze. “Can we….talk about death for a second?” Dakota asks.

His penetrating brown eyes bore into her own, and she can only nod.

“Lately, I’ve been thinking about death, a lot.” He begins.

“Why? Are you not feeling well? Do you need to go back to the ICU? Dakota! Why did you go to prom and risk your immune system if you weren’t feeling well?!” Sage asks frantically. She reaches down to the ground for her discarded dress. “I’m gonna find the oncologist…” She mutters distractedly.

“Hey, hey!” He firmly grips her shoulder, his grip firmer than it has been for months now. That calms her a little, and she lets him roll her back over to face him. “Slow down a minute, Sage. I feel…fine. It’s just, …who knows how I’ll feel tomorrow? Or the next day. And we haven’t really talked much about this, so…I don’t know…no time like the present?”

The frantic beating of her heart calms further at his assurances that he doesn’t feel unwell. “Okay, let’s talk about it.” She says, even though that’s the last thing she wants to talk about as she lies naked in his arms.  

“Okay. First off, I just want you to know I’m okay with dying. I had 19 good years, that’s more than a lot of people get. I have family and friends who love me.” He pauses here, leaning forward to place a lingering kiss to her lips. “I have you. That’s a pretty fulfilling life right there.”

“Dakota…” Sage whispers, voice already breaking.

“Hey, it’s okay. I’m going to be okay. No matter what happens. But….I worry about what happens to everyone else after I’m gone.” Dakota admits.

“That’s so like you. Concerned about everyone else. You’re such a good person, Dakota.” The kind of person who should live to old age, the kind of person who makes the world a better place. Life can be so unfair, but Sage keeps that thought to herself.

“I can’t help but worry. A lot of marriages don’t survive the loss of a child, you know. My parents’ whole lives revolve around me. They upended everything to move to Boston to get me the best medical care. They left their friends, and family. I just…..don’t want them to stop living if I do. Does that make sense?”

Sage nods, intertwining her fingers with his under the thin hospital blanket.

“If I’m gone, will you check on them for me? Not, like, all the time or anything. But just….stop by to visit if you’re in town? I think it would help them, to see you achieve all the life landmarks I don’t get to. Graduating college, getting your first real job,…getting married….” Dakota trails off as tears well in her eyes. “Teach…..”

Sage shakes her head. “I’m okay.” Dakota looks unconvinced, so she forces a smile. “I promise I’m okay. And of course I’d visit, and call when I’m out of town.”

“Thank you.” He says with so much gratitude Sage almost bursts into tears immediately. “Alright, so the other people I worry about are Lennox and Mateo. We’ve been the three musketeers for so long, it wouldn’t be the same with just two. So, I’m gonna need you to keep the gang together.”

“Of course I’d still talk to your best friends Dakota. You don’t even have to ask that.” Sage admonishes.

“They’re your friends too now. Don’t forget that. And as their friend…..please don’t let them wallow in survivor’s guilt, okay? I don’t want them to feel guilty for getting to live in case I don’t. I’m honestly so happy that they’re better, that they’re healthy. Don’t let them forget that, alright?”

“Alright.” Sage parrots miserably. She didn’t know this conversation would be so hard. And if just talking about it is this hard, she can’t imagine actually living it. There’s no way she’s strong enough to do that.

“Okay, so that just leaves one more person I’m a little worried about.” Dakota continues. He brushes away a tear that’s sliding down her face toward his pillow. “You, Teach.”

“If you’re so worried, then don’t leave me.” Sage tries to joke, but now she’s full-on sobbing so it falls flat.

Dakota smiles softly anyway though, pressing another lingering kiss to her lips. She tries not to think about how many kisses, how much time, they have left. “I’m going to try my absolute hardest not to, beautiful…..but if I do….I want you to move on. I want you to get married, and have babies, and live your life to the absolute fullest. And I don’t want you to feel guilty about it for even a second, do you hear me?”

“How can you ask me to do that? Of course I would feel guilty. When I think about walking down the aisle, it’s you I’m picturing standing beside the priest. And when I think about starting a family, I picture a little girl with your eyes, or a baby boy with your smile. I can promise you I’ll settle for someone else if that’s what you want to hear, but I’m always going to love you. Present tense. Forever. And some guy would just have to settle for being second best. That wouldn’t be fair to him.”

Dakota smiles sadly. “You’re young. Right now, everything feels like it’s the end of the world. But ten years from now? You’ll barely remember me, Teach. Life goes on. You’ll love again. I know it. And I want you to.”

“You’re not forgettable Dakota. You’re extraordinary. You changed me, and even if you’re not here, even if life goes on, you’ll go on with me. I’ll think about you every day.” Sage swears.

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep, Sage.” Dakota says, tone full of forced levity.

“I’m not.” Sage insists.

“That is something I worry about, you know. Something most people who are dying worry about. Being forgotten. Just…ceasing to exist, disappearing off the face of the Earth.” Dakota admits.

“That’s not going to happen to you. Me, your parents, Lennox, Mateo? We wouldn’t let you just…fade away. We love you. I love you. Present tense. Remember?”

Dakota smiles, and as usual, her heart flutters. “I love you too Sage. So much.”

“…can we talk about something happy now? I think I cried off all my makeup.” Sage rubs under her eyes, and that’s definitely smeared mascara coating her fingers.

“One more thing. I want to ask you for a favor.” Dakota adds.

“Name it.”

“Will you name your first born after me? A namesake, so I’m not forgotten?” Dakota asks. Sage can’t tell whether or not he’s joking.

“You don’t think my hypothetical baby daddy would have a problem with me naming our child after my late boyfriend? The love of my life who I still wouldn’t be over?” Sage counters.

Dakota shoots her an almost offended look. “Sage, you’re telling me a grown man, who is your husband, not baby daddy, in this scenario, is going to be threatened by your long dead high school boyfriend? You can do better.”

Sage laughs, and Dakota can’t help but join in.

Eventually their laughter dies down, and they just stare at each other lovingly in the dim light of the hospital room. “Alright, when you put it like that, I guess I can promise to name my firstborn after you.” Sage eventually promises.

Dakota lifts his pinky, and Sage rolls her eyes, but she pinky promises him anyway.

“Thank you. Now, we can get dressed and get back to prom before your mom comes looking for you.” Dakota concludes.

….

…

..

.

10 years later

Sage wakes to the shrill cry of her newborn through the baby monitor. She rubs at her eyes sleepily as she searches for her slippers in the dark bedroom. Her husband starts to stir. “I’ve got him.” Sage offers, and her husband dozes off again with a soft mutter of thanks.

Sage makes her way down the hall and reaches into her son’s crib. “What’s wrong Dakota? Hungry? Need a new diaper? Just want attention and hate when mommy gets a good night of sleep?” Sage asks, yawning as she comes to the end of her question.  

She shrugs one arm out of her nightgown and raises her son to her breast. He happily latches on, sipping greedily. “Ah, hungry.” Sage quips, gently running her free hand over the newborn’s mostly bald head.

Once he’s fed, Sage gently deposits Dakota back in his crib. She’s just started to swaddle him in his blanket when she’s startled by a pair of warm arms wrapping around her from behind. As her surprise abates, she leans back into her husband’s embrace. “I told you I had him.”

“I know. But I got lonely without you.” He admits, pressing a kiss to her neck.

Sage tssks. “So needy. You’re so used to having all my attention, but now you have to share with little Dakota here.”

Her husband reaches one arm into the crib, and the infant happily grips his father’s index finger. “If I have to share you, I’m glad it’s with DJ here.”

Sage’s brow furrows. “DJ?”

“Dakota Junior, or DJ. It’s going to get confusing having two Dakotas around here, so he needs a nickname.”

“What’s wrong with Little Dakota?” Sage asks.

“Babe, I doubt he’s gonna like being called ‘Little’ once he’s past ten.” Dakota insists.

“Maybe you should have thought of that before you made me promise to name my first born after you.” Sage teases.

“Hey, we both know I wasn’t expecting to be around.” Dakota retorts playfully.

Sage turns away to face Dakota, smiling as she drapes her arms around his neck. “Well, you can’t predict a medical miracle. Cancer didn’t stand a chance against you.”

“Don’t jinx me.” Dakota complains, but he’s obviously not that upset because he plants a kiss to her forehead.  

“Babe, you’re more likely to get struck by lightning then get cancer again after ten years of remission.” Sage insists.

“Still, better safe than sorry.” Dakota insists.

Sage rolls her eyes, but she obediently turns around and softly taps her fist against the wooden railing of their son’s crib, ‘knocking on wood’. Dakota can be so superstitious, but his many endearing qualities outweigh her annoyance with his superstitious ways.

The new parents both stare into the crib, watching the baby coo and gurgle. “He’s really something isn’t he?” Dakota breathes out softly.

“A miracle.” Sage adds.

“I could watch him all night.” Dakota insists.

“But you shouldn’t, because you have a big day tomorrow.” Sage reminds him.

“You mean we have a big day tomorrow.” Dakota corrects.

“It’s your movie. I’m just going to help with the casting.”  

“It’s our movie. I’d never be able to tell our love story without my muse.”

Sage smiles, rising up on her tip toes to press a gentle kiss to her husband’s lips. “A romance for the ages.” She whispers against his lips when she pulls away, just barely.

Dakota nods, tangling his fingers through her’s. “You’re everything to me. When I was sick, when things got hard, you gave me something to fight for.” Dakota insists softly.

Sage smiles, she never gets tired of hearing that. “I love you.”

“Not as much as I love you.” Dakota insists. He tugs her towards the door. “Come on, let’s go back to bed.”

Sage hesitates, looking into the crib. “I know they say we shouldn’t start bed sharing until Little Dakota is older……but how can anyone expect me to be away from him all night?”

Dakota smiles fondly. “Well, they let us take him home from the hospital, so we’re in charge now.” He makes his way over to the crib, resuming the swaddling.

“That’s too loose Dakota. Here, let me show you.” Sage demonstrates her perfect swaddling technique for her husband.

Dakota scoops up his little namesake when she’s done. “Got it. Thanks, Teach.”

….

…

.

A/N: With Every Heartbeat made me sad, so I choose to live in this Alternate Universe where Dakota Winchester makes a full recovery and he and Sage get the happy ending they deserve.

[hwu-adventures-blog]

Family Life- Part 5: A Decision

A/N: It’s been a year but I’m back for part 5 of Family Life! Sorry it’s taken that long, I have university to deal with, which obviously takes priority and on top of that, book 3 of Desire and Decorum came out and so I’ve been waiting to see what happened to that and make the changes to the fanfic appropriately to fit the narrative of the book. But hey I’m back now and hopefully part 6 won’t take too long but it’s uncertain how long. So please be patient with me! Also sorry it’s a bit shorter, less descriptive and more dialogue driven than the other parts! thanks for reading.

23rd December 1836:

Beatrice Sinclaire was in shock. Stood in the study at Edgewater estate, she could only open and close her mouth as she stared at the man she married 20 years ago in disbelief. Her husband really couldn’t be suggesting something so barbaric, so inhumane, especially not at Christmas!

“It’s just a suggestion Beatrice, nothing more and we don’t need to decide before Christmas, Mr Hyde will have the spot saved for us should we decide to take it” Ernest’s voice was calm as ever “but I really think we should consider it”

Bedlam?” Beatrice asked “Mr Hyde suggested Bedlam? is he insane?” Ernest’s godfather, an old gentleman named Mr Hyde (not to be confused with Edward Hyde from the Robert Louis Stevenson book which isn’t even written yet) had suggested it when he encountered Ernest in London, he had suggested they send their daughter to Bethlehem Royal Hospital, as it had great care and medical care to the highest standards capable of making any person sane again.

“He said it has the best doctors and at this point I do believe we need specialist care for Mary” Ernest said his eyes never wavering from his wife

“And you’re considering the opinion of a man who you haven’t seen in over twenty five years over your wife’s? Ernest- I didn’t think you were capable of that”

Ernest’s look turned sour, and full of dismay at his wife’s suggestion “I am not taking just his suggestion into account, I would never put anyone over you and the children, Beatrice, which is why I am asking you, what do you think? Because at this point after eight years I just really don’t know what to do” he said getting up from the desk seat and putting his hands on Beatrice’s arms and looking at her with his full attention his eyes sporting the same love sick look he has given her for the part 20 years

“Ernest, Bedlam- I’ve heard awful rumours about that place, that it’s not the place the gentry make it out to be” Beatrice spoke her voice shaking as she explained her worries to her husband

“But how can you be so sure?” Ernest asked “they could be just that, just silly rumours”

Beatrice sighed in reply and shuddered as she said the next words.

“Mad Tom”

Ernest looked confused at this choice of wording “Mad... Tom?”

“Thomas Tucker, the butchers son in Groveshire- nice man, a bit rough as a small boy growing up, mother died of childbed fever and his father blamed him for it- so he was a bit of a bully, had a liking towards me as we were growing up, declared he’d be the one to marry me from a young age and kept to that declaration thought our childhood”

“Well it didn’t work out, because you’re married to me so why was he called mad?”

“His father declared him sick in the head and so sent him to Bedlam, when he returned he’d speak of horrible things they did to him and his father gave him the name around the village as Mad Tom, the next year I was packed off to Edgewater so I never got to marry him because I met the love of my life”

“Beatrice perhaps those are just the ramblings of a clearly unwell man-“

“Or perhaps not- Ernest we can’t send Mary off potentially to go through that”

“I know that you’re probably right but what choice do we have? can’t have her like this for the rest of her life”

“Like what?”

“She has barely spoken since she was six”

“Since George died, I know”

“I’m just worried about her future. In a couple of years we’ll be looking to out her and she’ll be needing a husband of Ledford is to succeed” Ernest said this was a factor they’d decided on years ago, after George’s death, it was uncertain who would succeed at being the Master of Ledford park since Eustace’s condition meant he struggled a bit and so, Ernest had decided on his own accord that Ledford Park would go to his eldest daughter, Mary, instead, given the circumstances but that would need she would need a husband to help out and so she’d need to actually have the ability to talk to strangers and potential suitors, well by suitors, Ernest and Beatrice wanted their children to marry for love and not one of convenience if it can be helped.

“So am I, but I am convinced that place will do more harm than good. She can speak, she just- I don’t know- Bedlam is not the place for her and Mr Hyde is wrong”

“I don’t think I’d go that far but the old man is set in his ways I will have a talk with him but I can’t guarantee it- if Bedlam can help we should at least look into it thoroughly”

“Mother? Father?” A heartbroken voice asked from the doorway “I- I was just- Percival’s arrived”

Beatrice looked to the doorway where her eldest daughter, Mary was stood tears threatening to fall down her face

“Mary, how long have you been there?” Ernest asked

“A-a while- father are you really going to send me away?”

“I-“

Before either parent could get a word out, Mary had hurried away from the room sobbing, Ernest started to move intending to go after her, but Beatrice grabbed his hand

“No, Ernest, you go and greet Percival, I’ll go and speak with Mary”

“Alright” Ernest agreed with his wife “I’ll tell Percival you’ll be there to see him in a minute”

Beatrice turned and headed out of the room down to the place where she knew Mary would have gone. To her old bedroom.

She found Mary exactly where she thought, sat on George’s bed sobbing her heart out.

“Mary?” Beatrice asked her daughter opening the door and poking her head in before entering and sitting down next to the sixteen year old

“Oh Mama” she cried “is father really going to send me away to Bedlam? Does he really believe me to be mad”

“Oh Mary, your papa doesn’t think you’re mad, he just thinks you need a bit of help”

“But I can speak, I’m better now”

“I know, but you still lose your voice when any stranger talks to you and your father believes you’ll need to overcome that before you are presented to any man you will marry in the future and in a way I do think he’s right, he just- he’s just trying his best”

“I know mama and I am trying- it’s just difficult and I just don’t think I’m marriage material” Mary said

“I didn’t think that either, until I met your father” Beatrice smiled “and we turned out pretty well if you ask me”

“No mama, that’s not what I meant”

“Oh? What did you mean?”

Mary looked down at her hands

“I don’t- I don’t feel any attraction to any of the opposite sex”

Beatrice smiled at her daughter “and that’s alright, it’s fine feel that way”

“I’m not sure I understand- you’re supporting me?”

“Of course, who wouldn’t support you? your auntie Annabelle felt the same way, about me no less, and your father knew fully well that was the case and never diminished her, and don’t get me started on your uncle Bartholomew and uncle Yusuf-“

“Wait, uncle Bartholomew and uncle Yusuf are married?”’

“I officiated it, but don’t tell anyone”’ Beatrice smiled “so, who is it who’s caught your eye?”

“Ayla” Mary whispered

“Ayla?” Beatrice smiled “well I suppose it was kind of obvious now that I look at it”

Ayla Chambers has been the eldest of the children that Mr Chambers and Mr Konevi raised, followed by Charles and Joanna Konevi a few years later she was formally adopted by Mr Chambers and had become best friends with George and Mary as a toddler so it was inevitable that she would probably fall in love with one of the twins eventually.

“There’s only one problem Mama”

“And what’s that?”

“Alya’s probably going to be engaged to Vincent” Mary said “remember?”

Oh. Beatrice did remember that. It was painfully obvious that Vincent had not loved her though and it was a through a marriage of convenience.

“Also it’s not that I don’t want to talk to other people- I just struggle communicating with them, like Clemmie does. But more to the fact that I feel like the only people who truly get me are Ayla and- well, George- or he used to before-“

“Have you tried telling your father any of this?” Beatrice asked

“Why would I? He’d only disown me”

“disown you? Oh Mary, he’d never dream of doing that”

“How do you know that? He’s awfully stiff in personality, and- I know he’s already set his mind on sending me away- if I tell him it’ll only confirm his suspicion that I’m of ill mind” Mary exclaimed

“Mary, your father is rough around the edges, yes, and he may appear to be the typical English gentleman, but I assure you he loves you very much and only wants what’s best for you, and if you tell him your reasons when you are ready, he will not love you any less” Beatrice smiled “and he has not made up his mind about Bethlehem asylum, he is lightly considering it, and I think if you tell him your reasons then, it might help sway his opinion”

Mary nodded at her mother “will you come with me?”

“Of course but only when you’re ready” Beatrice smiled at her daughter

“I’m ready to do it now, best to get it over and done with right mama? Then we can focus on the Christmas festivities?”

“If that is what you want to do” Beatrice agreed “I promise everything will be alright and nobody will be taking you away ever” she pulled her daughter in for a hug which Mary reciprocated immediately before saying that she was ready to tell her father and the pair wandered back down the long halls to the study where Ernest was just returning to after seeing his stepson for the first time in months.

“Mary? Is everything alright? You had me worried when you ran off like that” he asked immediately upon laying his eyes on his eldest daughter concerned for her wellbeing, just as any father would be to any of their children

“Oh, yes papa I’m quite alright now, thanks in most part to mama and I do have something I would like to tell you” Mary said with as much confidence as she used to have when she was a little child “preferably in private away from the prying ears of my younger siblings”

“Oh” Ernest looked surprised at his daughter before unlocking the study door “well, yes, of course, come in. Beatrice, do you want to hear this?”

“I already know what it’s about Ernest, but I’m here for support-“

“Don’t worry mama, I think I can manage now” Mary smiled at her mother which made Beatrice proud of her daughter’s confidence she had clearly just needed that little push to get her confidence out to talk with her father.

“Very well, I will go and see Percival and the other children and help with the finishing touches of the decorating before we get the Yule log in tonight” Beatrice said before Mary walked in before her father into the study, sitting down at his desk, and Ernest send Beatrice a concerned look about his daughter which Beatrice returned with a reassuring smile just as he closed the door.

The countess of Edgewater was then greeted by her youngest child once she got to the bottom of the stairs.

“Mama! Mama! Percy’s here!” The blonde haired, grey-blued eyes eight year old exclaimed “and he promised we would play sailors with me”

“Did he now?” Beatrice chuckled as the eight year old pulled her into the ballroom excitedly where her two older brothers (Vincent now fifteen and Eustace now thirteen) were putting up the final decorations under the watchful eye of the twenty six year old Percival Richards.

“Percival” Beatrice smiled at her adopted son as she approached him

“Mother” Percival smiled at his mother and wrapped her into a tight hug “how are you?”

“Oh, the usual, how was your journey from France? Are your family well?”

“Very well, thry did want me to stay for the Christmas meal but I had to get on and catch the boat to England” Percival said “and now I am apparently supervising my younger siblings, finishing the decorations”

“Percy I have finished!” Clementine exclaimed running up to the pair of them “will you tell me about captain cook now?”

“After I’ve finished supervising, why don’t you go and help Eustace before I tell you?” Percival smiled warmly at his sister

“No, you promised!” Clementine’s lips wobbled with upset

Beatrice sighed “Clemmie-“

“No, you said that after I had finished my decorations you would tell me all about Captain cook, amongst other sailors and explorers from England and France!” The eight year old told them “and then you also said we were going to play sailors with my dolls before papa tells us the story of the return of Dragideon, and I’m very good with remembering things like that”

“Well then, I suppose I must keep to that promise” Percival said “speaking of Papa? Where is he?”

“Just taking care of some important business” Ernest’s voice said from behind them just as Mary skipped past them to help Eustace out with his decorating, Ernest smiled at Beatrice

“Well that’s our indication that we should follow Mary and leave our parents to talk” Percival said to the youngest child “and before I tell you about Captain cook, perhaps we shall start with a french one like Jean-Baptiste Bénard de la Harpe, the explorer”

And with an excited nod of the head, the little girl pulled Percival to her books and wooden ship, leaving her parents alone.

“That went well” Ernest said

“Was that a sarcastic comment?”

“No, I’m not sending Mary away”

“She convinced you?”

“She told me every reason and mr Hyde is getting a strongly worded letter on Boxing Day, no matter the partnership he had with my father”

“She told you everything?”

“It was obvious she was unattracted to men, nothing slips past her father”

“Nor does it for her mother. It doesn’t bother you?”

“No. She is aware that she will have to marry for convenience and we will just have to keep working on her confidence in front of others and speech but, no nothing could change our affection for our daughter”

Beatrice’s hand suddenly felt Ernest’s slide into hers and squeeze it tightly

“We’ll do it as a family, instead of being apart, and that’s what matters, isn’t that what Christmas is about? Family?”

Beatrice smiled at Ernest, cheekily knowing that they were both in a position to add a bit of lightheartedness to the conversation.

“My, my, Mr Sinclaire, holding my hand in front of the children? My grandmother will be turning in her grave at the indecency of it!”

Ernest laughed before smiling back at his wife, a loving look in his eyes, one he had always maintained for Beatrice. And Beatrice knew, in that moment, that everything was going to turn out just fine. Even if they were a little bit broken or different, the Sinclaire family were going to be alright.

A/N 2: sorry if there were any mistakes! If there were let me know!

Tagged accounts: @cocomaxley, @symonde , @indescribablechoices , @flyawayboo, @princess-geek and @regencylady1810 (if you want to be added to the tag list then don’t hesitate to ask 😊)

[sickficgalore]

Let’s Get Along

Prompt: Both Keith and Lance get sick with a bad cold and Shiro has to take care of them. He thought putting them in a room together would be an easier but now Keith and Lance have to learn to get along with each other because of that.

—

Lance was having a pretty bad morning.

He awoke in the wee hours of the morning, hours before their usual wake-up call. He felt oddly uncomfortable, his nose was congested and his body felt somewhat heavy. He brushed it aside as exhaustion from Voltron’s battle the day before and went back to sleep.

The wake-up call later on felt like it was piercing his brain. His head hurt, his body ached, chills were running down his spine, and his nose was now like running faucet.

Today was going to be one hell of a day.

He lugged himself out of the bed and got ready at tortoise speed. He felt like he was dragging an extra 100 kilograms behind him whenever he moved around, so when he gathered at the breakfast table almost half an hour late, he was too exhausted to be apologetic about it.

“Well, now we have Lance. But where’s Keith?!” Allura said, visibly annoyed.

Keith was not down yet? Lance was usually the latest to arrive, and Keith would be either first, or first after Shiro. As annoying as Lance thought that Keith was sometimes, Lance always acknowledged that Keith was a great leader and was always punctual and organised.

Keith arrived about five minutes later, rushing in. There was a sheen on his forehead, similar to that of Lance’s.

“Sorry I’m late, got caught up while doing some stuff,” Keith said as he took his seat. He did not sound like his usual self either, sounding a bit congested. But then again, Lance’s ears also seemed a little clogged, so he could not say for sure.

Allura sighed, obviously angered by the two paladins’ lack of punctuality. “I think Lance and Keith have some explaining, to do” she said. Her tone was calm, but you could sense the irritation in her voice.

Lance spoke first after a few seconds of silence, “I’m not feeling very well. Sorry that I took so long,” Lance said, looking down at the untouched plate of food in front of him. He was not even feeling hungry.

“Apology accepted. And Keith?” Allura said, turning her attention to Keith.

“I’m also not feeling very good. I think I have a cold or something. Really sorry.” Keith apologised, sniffing in between the sentences.

“The two of you are sick? When did this happen?” Shiro asked, a worried look on his face.

“Like, last night? I had a really bad headache and the chills but I just decided to sleep through it. But I woke up and everything got worse,” Keith said.

“Same, I had some mean body aches and my nose was blocked,” Lance agreed.

It was decided that Lance and Keith would take the day to rest and recover, and Shiro would take care of the both of them while the others tended to whatever they had to do that day.

The two of them retreated to their respective rooms after doing nothing more than just picking at their breakfast. This resulted in Shiro having to go to both of their rooms separately to look after them.

“Shiro. It’s really cold. Could you pass me my jacket?” Keith said when Shiro entered his room after coming from Lance’s.

“Of course,” Shiro said, grabbing Keith’s jacket off a hook on the door and handing it to him.

“Shiroooo! Can you get me some water?” Lance shouted from his room, which was down the hallway.

Shiro sighed as he turned around, trudging out of Keith’s room and down the hallway, “Yes, Lance. Coming!”

It was alright at first for Shiro, but it got really tiring after a while and Shiro was frustrated at that point. He wished he could have split himself into two halves to attend to the both of them.

And that was when Shiro came up with a bright idea, and the two of them found themselves lying together in Keith’s bed.

“Shiro.... You have got to be kidding me. You can’t put the two of us together like that?!” Lance croaked. He was losing his voice at this point, yet he could still protest over being in the same room as the hothead.

“This is the only option, you guys got to make do,” Shiro shrugged, “I’m going to go get you guys another jug of water from the kitchen, I’ll be right back.”

When Shiro left the room, the two of them broke out in a little squabble almost immediately.

“Keith! Stop stealing the blanket!”

“I am not.”

“Yes you are! I can’t even cover my entire right leg with the blanket. Share the blanket!”

“Well, maybe my blanket isn’t made for two people?”

“Well, maybe I’m sick and freezing and I need a blanket??”

“Lance, that makes the two of us, and you raising your voice is making my headache worse. Will you PLEASE shut up?”

“I will if you give me some more blanket!!!”

This escalated into a blanket-tugging contest, and when Shiro came back to the room, he was amused to find the two shivering, back-facing each other with their arms crossed, and the blanket had somehow landed on the floor across the room.

Lance and Keith would fight about the smallest of things, like the blanket, the thermometer, the water jug, and even over Shiro. The only time they were silent was when the they were knocked out after taking drowsy cold medication, and Shiro took that precious time to kick back and relax.

When the two of them regained consciousness, Shiro was gone. He had left a message on a sticky note that he had urgent matters to attend to, and that he would be back ASAP.

“Hey Keith. Could you pass me the water jug?” Lance asked, wanting to relieve his dry throat. There was a moment of prolonged silence, and Lance asked again, and there was no reply.

“Keith, I swear. Will you please work with me? It’s not hard to pass me some water. The two of us are suffering together, so just help me out.” Lance was more easily irritated than usual, largely due to the fact that he felt unwell.

It was silent for a while, and when Lance was about to start talking again, Keith spoke, “Lance.. I’m s-so c-c-cold...”

“What? Cold?” Lance was surprised. Most of the blanket was on Keith’s side of the bed, and yet Keith was shaking like a leaf under the blanket.

“C-chills. Some really bad chills...” Keith’s teeth were chattering almost. Lance wondered how he had not noticed the other boy’s shivering earlier.

Lance did not really know what to do, and was at a loss of words for the most part. Keith was being so vulnerable, which was a side that Lance had never seen before.

Lance was already feeling a little better after the medicine and the nap, and yet Keith looked like he was a step closer to death. His face was paler than before, and when Lance reached over to feel Keith’s forehead, it felt way warmer than Lance’s.

Seeing Keith like this, Lance decided that he could not just lay there and watch Keith suffer. Putting their small trivial disagreements and arguments behind, he got up and assumed the role of Keith’s temporary caretaker.

He took Keith’s temperature and it was confirmed that his fever had spiked. Lance then grabbed a cool washcloth and placed it over Keith’s forehead, which made Keith flinch at the sudden contact with the coldness.

However, ten minutes passed and Keith was still shivering violently. His sleep was fitful, and he kept waking up and falling asleep again within those few minutes that Lance did not really know whether Keith was asleep or awake.

Lance was reminded of how back at home, he would hug his little siblings whenever they were having severe fever chills and they would feel warmer almost immediately from his body heat. However, the mental image of him hugging Keith was an odd one, and he hesitated doing so.

He contemplated the idea for a hot minute before he finally decided that in this circumstance, Keith’s wellbeing came first and everything else came after. He slid back into the bed, careful not to wake Keith if he was actually asleep, and wrapped his arms around him.

Thankfully, it did not take long before Keith’s shivering came to a stop, and it looked like Keith was resting more comfortably than he was earlier on. Lance heaved a sigh of relief.

...

Shiro returned not too long later when he was done with what he had to do, slightly worried over whether one of them had somehow manage to kill the other when the two of them were awake.

To his delight, he found out that he had nothing to worry about when he saw Lance and Keith huddling together on the bed, both of them sound asleep.

[flyswhumpcenter]

Found You in the Woods - Chapter 2

PREVIOUS CHAPTER / NEXT CHAPTER [TBA]

Summary: Even if Manon was searching for Alan near some woods yet again, she truly didn’t expect to find him lying on the ground in the middle of the leaves fallen from the trees. (or: Manon proves she’s so much more than some potential burden and Alan is a stubborn idiot, but that’s why we love them)

Fandom: Pokemon (Anime, post-XYZ) Ships: Marissonshipping (Alain/Mairin)

Chapter Summary: Manon scolds Alan for being irresponsible, when she'd have expected it to be the other way around.

Wordcount: 2.5K words

Notes: (insert here line about how I should be studying for my exams currently taking place and sleeping appropriately instead of working on fics) Well geez, that's really not the direction I hoped this fic would take, holy shit. I thought it was gonna be a more traditional "stubborn character pushes through illness, more at 7", but that surely didn't happen. Oh well, happy incidents or something. Why, I don't know. is it OOC? Maybe. May also come back to it tomorrow or later this week. (I need to go back to my other Pokemon fic...) ((The next chapter will be good though, I promise!))

AO3 version available here.

Time has never seemed so slow to Manon before this day. She really has no idea how far that Centre is, much less how long it’s going to take for help to get there. She trusts Charizard, she really does (she has no other choice anyway), yet her impatience is once again getting the best of her. She’s never been the calm or patient type, sure thing, but in such a situation, nobody could blame her for being so upset and wanting everything to go faster, right? The situation was urgent!

That sense of urgency, she mostly feels it whenever she surprises herself glancing at Alan, hoping he’d start waking up or at least show he’s still alive by doing something else than painful, weak grunts. On second thought, the fact she’s able to qualify anything Alan does of being weak, even frail or fragile, is a rift in space and time: Alan doesn’t really go well with either of these adjectives, much less with the idea itself of weakness or vulnerability. Her impatience must steam from this contrast between the last time she saw him, healthy and being cold to her again (she knows it was more of a ruse anyway, maybe a dare to see if she was truly able to keep up with him no matter what), and… whatever this is. A daytime nightmare, perhaps?

 With how little she’s actually equipped for adventure, Manon has no way to check anything. Her only thermometer is the clammy palms of her hands, something way past imprecise. What if her hands are too hot to actually evaluate his fever? If that’s the case, she can’t be able to tell if his fever is getting worse! And, if it does, then what? She doesn’t know what Pokemons Alan on him right now, much less if they’d actually obey her like Charizard did. Would the sense of urgency currently raging in her heart spread to them? So many questions, so little possibility to answer them and be sure she’s not getting totally mistaken.

Despite how cruel the vision under her eyes is, Manon cannot look away from him. She’d have never imagined she’d ever see Alan, the strong and strong-willed Alan who had risked his life in the battle between two Hoenn legendary giants to save his Charizard, the stubborn Alan who never gives up on anything he decides he’s going to accomplish, the Alan who put the world into jeopardy only to help fix it later as an attempt to atone, be this fragile on her lap, at nature’s mercy, so vulnerable it feels like she could shatter his entire body with merely a misplaced embrace.

Manon wants to cry. Not for her, because she’s doing perfectly fine, but because the situation calls for it. The more she thinks of what could have been, the more she sees her dearest friend (aside from Chespie), the heavier her heart gets. What if Pokemons in the forest had attacked him? What if Charizard had never found her? Wouldn’t he be… No. She’s here to protect him, and so is Chespie. They’ve gotten stronger since he last saw them, she’s going to show the world if said world forces her into doing so. She won’t let anyone, or anything for that matter, endanger him anymore.

 Suddenly, breaking through the artificial serenity of the overly-calm forest, resonates a different grunt. With the earring of a Fennekin, Manon turns her head towards the one currently lying with his head on her lap, her heart skipping a beat when she notices his eyes trying to open. Manon shakes her head: he must be stirring in his sleep. Then she shakes it again: he’s waking up! Finally, he’s waking up, he’s alive and he’ll be able to explain to her what happened to him! Everything is going to be okay, thank Arceus, thank Xerneas!

She didn’t know what she really expected from his current condition, but her heart still hurts badly when she notices his eyes. Like everything else, they’re not like themselves and yet so his: his usually sharp and piercing icy blue eyes are foggy, reddened around the ages, unclear like a mirror covered in mist. She should have seen it coming, she knows that, but it doesn’t prevent her from biting her lip thinking it shouldn’t be this way.

 A few, heavy moments fly by. There is still no sign Charizard is coming back. The forest is oddly quiet, but it’s been since the very moment she’s arrived there with Chespie. Her companion is also dead quiet, barely reminding the world he’s still there. She wonders if he’s able to talk, if he can hear her if she speaks to him, if he’s waking up for real or if he’s just going to fall asleep right afterwards, if he can tell her how he got himself in this dangerous mess. She wants to scold him, to hug him, to bombard him with questions, to tell him she may have saved him from bigger dangers; but she can’t do that, not for the moment. She painfully needs to wait, and then wait again. Maybe she’s going to wither away before she can do anything about the situation. Goddammit.

Finally, after these excruciating minutes, Alan visibly stirs and his eyes fully open. Well, “fully” may be overselling it… It’s more that she can tell he’s trying to open them fully, but it ends up looking half-closed anyway. Her fight against her own impatience and sense of urgency is turning into a curb-stomp battle with her as the loser of it all: as such, she prefers to focus on him, in hopes it’ll make time go by faster and bring help to them. Charizard must have found the Centre by now… right?

 “Ah, you’re awake, finally!” she yells, almost more to herself than to him, a smile making its way onto her worried face. He’s not fine, but at least he’s alive, there’s that.

Of course, she receives no answer immediately. Instead, Alan moves his head around, sighs and finally looks at her. If she didn’t know him better, she would have almost thought this look on his face wasn’t of surprise, but rather his next stage of waking up.

“Ma…” His voice is dry, hoarse, and barely a whisper. “Manon…?”

“Yep, that’s right, it’s me!”

She’s a bit too excited about watching someone wake up.

 Alan tries to sit up, elbows against the grass and the fallen leaves, a hand flying to his head.

“H-hey, don’t overdo it!” she tells him, in a moment of panic, trying to see if that’ll get him not to be too stubborn about it. She doesn’t want it to become the next time where he’d break his shoulder for her.

“Where… are we…?”

Oh, good question. She’s got zero idea where they are, considering she’s just followed a Charizard until she was presented with the fainted figure of her friend and desired travelling companion. (Still in her dreams, she guesses).

“I… don’t know, actually. But Charizard’s gone to get help, so it should be fine, just rest!”

She giggles nervously, as if to convince either Alan or herself that truly everything is one-hundred-percent fine when it’s not, while he looks around. Does this dude even stay still for a second? He’s always moving, even when she’s asked him not to and that he’s sick! How’s she supposed to make him behave?

“What help?” Alan asks as he gets up, only for him to stumble and her to quickly sit him down to the ground. He’s terrible, terrible she says!

“The one for you because you were unconscious on the ground with a fever, dummy!”

 Manon doesn’t really know why she’s scolding Alan, the thick-sculled and utterly confused Alan who’d never listen to her before. It’s not like she expects any rational answer or reaction from him either, so as long as she speaks, she may be able to keep him grounded until help arrives and he’s obligated to surrender to medicine (and people who actually know what they’re doing, because she sure doesn’t know that).

In lieu of a reply, Alan coughs in his fists, loudly, hoarsely, to match with his voice and everything. All of her grudge against him melts into a tiny puddle of stupid feelings as she hears and watches this, prompting her to rub his back as if that’s gonna make anything easier on him. She got too caught up in her own mind to remember he was still unwell and needing medical attention before he got tremendously ill, so she shuts up for a few moments and waits for the fit to be over.

 “Hey… You’re alright? That sounded painful…” she then asks him, trying to get his eyes to look into hers, hands on his shoulders, tone softer than anything she’s ever said to anyone who wasn’t Chespie. Speaking of him, he’s back on her own shoulder, silent, solemn. Probably doesn’t have anything to add, anything to make the situation better. Just like she does, in fact.

“Ah…” He pants first, then clears his throat, coughs again, and finally finds the voice in him to respond. “I’m… fine enough, I guess…”

“That can’t be right! You felt hot and your cough’s super nasty, you can’t be ‘fine enough’!” She wants to scold him like a kid, she really does! He’s such a Tauros-headed idiot sometimes, just like her, if not even worse! Just a pain, a big bad pain for her, but especially for himself!

 Alan doesn’t reply again, too busy looking at her confused and being too dizzy to really get up. She sits down next to him, just in case he needs a place where to put his head which, suddenly, seems way too heavy for his poor neck and body.

Neither of them speaks, at least for a while. All the noise around them are breathes, some faraway falls crunching under the weight of small Pokemons and Alan’s cough, which sometimes comes back, sometimes gets replaced or announced by some throat clearing. Manon can hear the birds soaring in the sky, the little things you only hear in a forest, the beating of her stressed heart and what she thinks is Alan’s pulse, sounding almost quicker than her own. He’s usually cold-blooded, she knows it, she knows that, but… But…

 “I hope Charizard’s found help and that they’re on their way…”

She can feel her friend slumping on her, head on her shoulder, left side lodged against her right. A faint smile must be on her lips by now: he’s alive, he’s going to be fine once this is all over. He’s strangely not moving much anymore, apparently content with pseudo-resting against her. At least, she’s found him in times, she can now watch over him and, she hopes, she’ll prevent him from hurting himself any further.

“You… mind if I babble about? I’m scared you’re gonna faint again if you fall asleep…”

“I’m not falling asleep…”

 Manon doesn’t feel like directly rebutting him. Alan’s feverish, she can sense it through their clothes (he’s sticky too, she knows that from having put her hands on his shoulders), it’d be like hitting an injured Pokemon for the sake of proving she’s right or something. Yes, he’s stubborn and, yes, he still seems to think she’s dumb: but he’s sick, he can barely keep up with a conversation, he can’t get up properly… She needs to be caring and patient, not as jumpy as she usually is. That sucks for her, but it especially sucks for him.

Frankly, seeing Chespie bedridden was way more than enough for her, she doesn’t need to see her other dearest friend falling deadly ill on her watch.

 A new silence follows, thicker than the previous one, covering them both in a thick layer of fabric, wrapped around their throats. Manon doesn’t have a single clue as to what she should be saying next, if she should even be saying something too. Instead, she just stares at Alan with his eyes fluttering like broken roller blinds. He seems so out of himself, so unlike his usual tough guy persona, that she cannot help but worry more with each passing second. What if it’s actually already too late? What if he’s sicker than she thinks? How sick is he, anyway? He won’t let her touch him to test out, she knows that, so she’s left with speculating through observations

And, well, she sucks at analysing other humans. If she was any good at it, she’d have been able to tell Lysandre had terrible plans in mind. Perhaps she’d have been able to tell Alan her true feelings, to convince him he didn’t need to cut all ties with her. Everything would be better; she’d be able to know what she can do to help him feel at least a bit better. No, no, instead, she’s just sitting there, her sick friend against her, slowly but surely either falling asleep or losing consciousness again. Where is Charizard when you need it?

So Manon silently prays. The girl who’s always noisy, always nosy, never getting quiet and always asking questions, making remarks and comments, snarking at people, sliding some jokes; is silent and prays. Praying who, she doesn’t know, she didn’t think about it. She just repeats over and over in her mind how she wants everything to be better, for her friend to feel good again, for the illness to go away and the fatigue to disappear. It’s dumb, she knows that, praying Xerneas only work in fairy tales and nursery rhymes. At least, she thinks so? If it works, she’ll get back what she said and be the happiest girl ever for her poor, poor friend.

 The complete, too heavy to be serene silence breaks in the snap of a stick from behind her. She jumps, taken aback, balancing Chespie out of her shoulder and making Alan almost land on the ground, barely catching him back with her surprised arms. His eyes try to look at hers, or that’s what it feels like, but they’re too unfocused and glassy to properly do so, and as such it ends up failing. This is still so weird, so unnatural…

However, a smile is soon brought where right before it stood a frown. Charizard is back and, with it, what looks like a medical team. The rest of the rescue mission passes in a flash: the nurse and other people she doesn’t know take her friend away on a stretcher, Charizard still out of its Pokeball offers Chespie and her to fly to where the staff comes from. The sudden change of pace is unexpected, and that surprises her.

 As they fly away from the forest, Manon thinks, a lot, much more than usual. Today’s weird, too weird. The changes of pace all over the place are awful, she wants them to stop, she wants today to go back to normal and boring. She wants to get her normal Alan back, the one who gives her snarky remarks, the one who’s too stubborn to ever go back or accept things the way he doesn’t see them, the one who’s worked and fought again Lysandre, the one who almost brought the end of the world before helping fix it. She just wants her friend back, free of illnesses and exhaustion, to travel with him and not be Kalos’s worst nurse ever.

And, well… Is that asking too much from the world?

[redheadz-jess]

34  Unique facts That Make Redheads So Special

Readheads can be fiery and deadly, or they can be clownish and frail. In public, Readheads are complete nerds, but in the bedroom, Readheads are crazy. Because Readheads don't have souls, they'll steal yours.

Readheads are referred to as "mutants." The MC1R gene is in charge of skin and hair color. When it is deactivated or inhibited, the body produces more melanin, which is responsible for reddish tones.

Here are 34 Unique facts about what's special about redheads:

1. They’re “mutants”.

  The MC1R sequence is to blame for one’s skin and hair color. once it’s inactivated or blocked, the body begins to supply additional animal pigment that's responsible for more cherry tones. This “ginger gene” additionally affects freckles on redheads.

2. they will produce nutrition D.

  as a result of their pale skin, they can get sunburnt and absorb more sun. Therefore, redheads can produce more vitamin D.

3. Redhead men have health benefits.

  Redhead men are less doubtless to urge prostate cancer. throughout a study, it had been discovered that solely 5% of men with red hair fell unwell with this disease.

4. They’re additional doubtless to be attacked by bees.

  Bees sting folks with red hair over others. they have a tendency to attack redheads as a result of this color {may be|could additionally be|is also} perceived as predatory.

5. they need low pain tolerance.

  These genes also create redheads more prone to pain. It doesn’t enable the anesthetic to be absorbed, therefore, they have more anesthesia.

6. they need less hair.

  Despite the very fact that red hair will be quite thick, there are solely 90,000 strands. It doesn’t appear small, however in comparison, brunettes have about 110,000, associated blondes have even more: 150,000!

7. They’re more doubtless to be “lefties”.

  in keeping with a study, redheads are more likely to be left-handed. It’s a recessive attribute likewise because the red hair.

8. kingdom is home to the foremost redheads.

  Most redheads board Ireland and Scotland. Up to 20%-30% p.c of the population severally has this lovely hair color. Although, there’s still an assumption that redheads get their genes somewhere from southwestern Norway.

9. They’re sensitive to cold.

  an equivalent MC1R sequence could over-activate a temperature-detecting gene. thus redheads may feel colder than folks with completely different hair colors.

10. They’re additional petrified of visiting the dental practitioner.

   Since redheads are more sensitive to pain and anesthetics, they’re more afraid of odontology than others. They expertise more anxiety regarding visiting the dentist and sometimes concern toothaches.

11. they need special celebration days.

   several countries celebrate redhead days. In Germany, it’s in September, within the Netherlands, it’s in August; and in Italy, it’s in May. The date and period of every celebration could vary however it’s still a vacation and a chance to congratulate all our light-haired friends.

12. Some individuals are frightened of them.

   Gingerphobia could be a worry of redheads. perhaps this happens attributable to a prejudice that leads them to believe they lack a soul or for a few alternative reason. In any case, some people are frightened of people with red hair.

13. They’re rare.

   Most importantly, the amount of individuals with such distinctive options is extremely small. Redheads are rare and conjure simply 1% to 2% of the entire population, that interprets to 70-140 million people.

14. Redheads have a better risk of obtaining melanoma.

   malignant melanoma is that the deadliest type of skin cancer.  The pigmentation in our skin and also the MC1R mutation that creates United States redheads creates a pathway to cancer once combined with ultraviolet radiation rays.  We are at the very best risk of alternative types of carcinoma as well. this can be why it’s crucial  to wear sun blocker each single day of the year.

15. Redheads could also be at high risk for Parkinson’s Disease.

   A Harvard study found that redheads are at a 90% higher risk for Parkinson’s disease.  Yikes. Investigators at Massachusetts General Hospital recently found that mice carrying a variant of the MC1R sequence may be at a risk of obtaining Parkinson’s. individuals with MC1R turn out less Dopastat within the a part of the brain wherever neurons creating the neurochemical are destroyed throughout Parkinson’s disease. Second, they appear to be more at risk of toxins that injury those neurons.

   The study goes on to recommend that activating the MC1R gene, thereby reversing the mutation seen in redheads, could supply protecting advantages against Parkinson’s.

16. Redheads are more sensitive to pain.

   we have a tendency to feel pain rather more severely and that we want 20% more physiological state than others. the great thing? Most doctors apprehend this truth and that i know from experience.

17. Redheads have additional dental workplace phobias than the other hair color.

   attributable to our low reaction to desensitizing  medications like novocaine, we have a tendency to don’t like reaching to the dentist.  Take it from me.  I had many shots within the gum and however I still felt my grinder being pulled.  I’ve continually been frightened of the dentist. However, we redheads are robust and might handle it.

18. girls with red hair are at a 30% higher risk for endometriosis.

   this can be a female internal reproductive organ drawback with tissue close the womb inflicting pain and can conjointly create it terribly troublesome to induce pregnant.

19. Redheads have less hair.

   A study proves redheads are at rock bottom with a mean of 90,000 strands of hair. BUT, we have a tendency to do have thicker strands, that is perhaps why I actually have such a lot hair.

20. Redheads generate their own vitamin D.

   I knew we were charming creatures. once exposed to ultraviolet radiation rays, redheads commonly burn to a crisp! However, we turn out enough vitamin D for our skin in low light conditions.  That’s virtually like having an excellent power.  Who wants tanning…or pathology for that matter.

21. Redheads are rare!

   Our locks would possibly as properly be diamonds due to the fact redheads cowl approximately 2% of the population.  If you’re like me, a blue-eyed redhead, you then definately most effective cowl approximately 1%; making us the rarest withinside the world.  There’s not anything I love extra than being unique.

22. Redheads don’t pass grey as without difficulty or, in maximum cases, at all.

   Usually, redheads pass immediately from purple to blondish to white.

23. Redheads have a better libido.

   I need to maintain this very family-friendly, however you’ve heard the rumors and if you’re a redhead analyzing this, you understand approximately our different superpowers…withinside the bedroom. 24. Redheads are much more likely to be left-passed.    Scientists have additionally verified that left-passed human beings stay longer.

25. Redheads are NOT going extinct.

   This is a rumor.  Red hair can also additionally grow to be rarer, however we can continually be around.  Actually, there had been redheaded neanderthals. 26. Redheads have genes to thank for his or her tresses. Research indicates purple hair normally consequences from a mutation in a gene referred to as MC1R, which codes for the melanocortin-1 receptor.

27. The maximum attention of redheads is in Scotland (13%) accompanied via way of means of Ireland (10%). Worldwide, most effective 2% of human beings have purple hair.

28. People with purple hair are in all likelihood extra touchy to ache. This is due to the fact the gene mutation (MC1R) that reasons purple hair is at the equal gene connected to ache receptors. It additionally way redheads normally want extra anesthesia for dental and clinical procedures.

29. Having purple hair is not the most effective component that makes a few redheads unique. They also are much more likely to be left passed. Both traits come from recessive genes, which want to are available pairs.

30. Redheads all told probability won't pass grey. That' thanks to the very fact the pigment merely fades over time. in order that they might in all likelihood pass blonde or perhaps white, but currently now not grey.

31. Rumor says German Nazi illegal wedding between redheads. Apparently he thought it might cause "deviant offspring."

32. Redheads most typically have brown eyes. the smallest amount common eye color: blue.    Bees are established to be a lot of drawn to redheads.

33. Being a blonde man might have health benefits. A study printed by country Journal of Cancer steered that men with red hair are 54% less probably to develop glandular carcinoma than their brown and blonde-haired counterparts.

34. Redheads even have less hair than most different people. on the average they solely have 90,000 strands of hair whereas blonds, for example, have 140,000. However, red hair is usually thicker therefore it still appearance even as full.

[reading-time]

Sanmao’s “Stories of the Sahara”, 《撒哈拉的故事》, 悬壶济世 Practise medicine save people, Tâm Anh translated.

        I am the kind of person who gets ill does not want to see doctor. This does not mean that I rarely get ill, in contrast I am physically under the weather day in day out, therefore become lazy of going to see doctor. For as long as half of life, my saving secret has been a big cardboard box of drugs, which I bring along with me everywhere; after a long time using these self-prescribed medication, I have also possessed a bit experience in treating minor illness.

　　Last year on travelling in the desert, once I was able to help a Sahara old woman get rid of her headache by two tablets of aspirin; since then during those several days staying in the tent there, often there were people bringing their kids or old people to me asking for medicines. At that time, medicines I dare to give them was no more than those such as antiseptic solution, anti-inflammatory ointment, or some pain-killers, however to those nomadic people living completely faraway from civilization, these medicines were actually greatly effective. Before returning to Al-ʿuyūn townlet, I left all the food and medicines I got in hands to give away to those poor miserable Sahara people living in tents.

        Not long after settled in Al-ʿuyūn townlet, my next-door African neighbor once came to me asking for pain-killers to treat her headache, I thought there is one government hospital in this townlet, so I was not ready to give her medicines; therefore, I told her to go to see a doctor. Unexpectedly, local women living here are all the same as myself, get ill do not want but reject to see doctor, although their underlying reason is not the same as mine, theirs is because doctors are all male ones, therefore to these always-covered-under-the-veil women, they rather be willing to stay home waiting for death of illness, than let male doctors seeing treating. I had no choice but reluctantly gave my next-door neighbor this woman two tablets of pain-killers. From that time on, by somebody spreading the words, women in the neighborhood all came seeking me to treat their minor illness. Making them even happier was that, I was not only able to give them medicines, but also one day and the other gifted them with some western clothes; this went on and there were more and more people coming to seek me for help. My way of thinking was, since they rather die than see a doctor, then to some minor non-fatal illness, being able to help them a bit, relieve their miserable pain, at the same time filling up my lonely days in the desert, this was not killing-two-birds-with-one-stone a good thing to do then? At the same time, I realized that, of those women who received my prescribed medicines, 80% got right cure to get over their illness. Therefore, gradually I also become more courageous: in some cases, even come out on house-call. Jose seeing me help people treating their illness like playing with dolls, often he shown anxiety for me; according to him I was taking inappropriate actions, not knowing that behind my inappropriate actions also lying a great deal of compassion.

　　Next-door neighbor little girl named Guka, 10 years old, soon to get married, just half a month before her marriage, on her leg suddenly appeared a boil, at size on first look only as large as a coin, no pus, hard under touch, the epidermis become swollen and shiny, lymph gland also got swell with two lumps. On the following day I came to see her, I saw the boil on her leg has already become as large as a peach pit, the little girl was in such a pain that she was lying on the ground moaning on a torn mat. “Not good, she needs to see a doctor!” I told her mother. “This body part cannot get doctor check, she also soon to get married.” Her mother quickly replied to me. I could only have her continuously use anti-inflammatory ointment, and at the same time gave her anti-inflammatory drugs. This went on for 3 or 4 days, not seen a slightest improvement, I again asked her father: “Let a doctor check her situation, yes?” The reply was again: “No, no.” Suddenly I came up with an idea, there was still some soy beans at home, no other solution possible, let African people experience Chinese medicines then. So I came back home grinding the soy beans. Jose saw me in the kitchen, turned his head in to take a look and asked: “Are you cooking?” I replied to him: “Making Chinese medicines, to give Guka to apply on her skin.” He was puzzled looking then looking, again asked: “Why using soy bean?” “An old method I read in Chinese medicine books.” Hearing my explanation, he looked very much in disagreement said: “This girl does not go to see doctor, but trust in you for treatment, you yourself should not be as so crazy.” I grinded the soy beans into paste then put it into a bowl, meanwhile saying: “I am a shaman doctor of Africa.” then walked out to Guka’s home. That day I used soy bean paste to apply on the swelling part on Guka’s leg, then bandaged it with gauze, on the second day I went to see her the boil has become tender, I again smeared the soy bean paste on it, on the third day there was yellowish pus collected under the skin, on the fourth day afternoon the pus drained out, then discharged a little blood, I smeared the medicinal solution for her, not many days later she completely got well. When Jose came home from work, I told him proudly: “The medicines worked well then.” “The soy bean medicines?” “Yes.” “You Chinese people are really mystical.” He bemused shaking his head.　

　　Again one day, my next-door neighbour Harty Yashod came to seek for me, saying: “My cousin from the Great Desert, now staying in my place, she is dying, could you come to see her?” Hearing “is dying”, I hesitated. “What kind of disease?” I asked Harty. “Don’t know, she is very weak, feeling dizzy, gradually losing sight, very thin, is now dying.” Her words sound very vivid, I found it quite interesting. At this point, Jose from indoors hearing our talking, yelled with anxiety: “Sanmao, you please less get yourself involved in other people’s problem.” I had no way but softly told Harty Yashod: “Wait for a while I’ll come, wait till my husband has gone out for work, only then I could go out.” Closing up the door, Jose reproached me: “That woman if for some reason she actually dies, they will still have your medicines to blame on. Not going to see doctor, die of illness she deserves it!” “They do not have the knowledge, poor them…” I although argued, also reckoned Jose’s saying was quite rational; just because I was at the same time full of curiosity, and also so self-confident, so not easy to follow his command. Jose had one foot out to go to work, I also one foot out sneaked off. At Harty’s home, I saw a bony young girl lying on the floor, her eyes were so deep as two black holes. I examined her; she had no fever, tongue, fingernail, eyes pupils, all have very healthy colour, again I asked her which part on her body is unwell, she found it hard to say clearly, needed Harty to translate her Arabic language: “Her eyes gradually could not see clearly, been feeling ringing noises in her ears, feel so tired to get up.” I suddenly had some idea, asked Harty: “Your cousin was living in a tent in the desert?” She nodded to affirm. “She did not eat well?” again I asked. Harty said: “Almost like having nothing to eat.” “Wait a minute.” I said and immediately run back home, threw out 15 granules of highest content unit multi-vitamins to give her. “Harty, are you willing to kill a goat?” She hastily nodded. “First have your cousin take these vitamins, two or three times per day, you also cook goat soup to give her. Such a way not past 10 days, that cousin who Harty had imagined as dying soon finally made her way to see me in person, sitting half-day at my place, appeared in good spirits. Jose returned home from work, seeing her, he laughed: “Wow, dying people you have also been able to treat well? Was what kind of illness?” I grinned and replied to him: “Not an illness, it was extreme malnutrition!” “How were you able to make the diagnosis?” Jose asked. “I was coming up with that diagnosis.” I could see Jose has finally shown a bit approval of my idea.

     Our residential area is on the outskirts of Al-ʿuyūn townlet. Rarely seen European around, Jose and I enjoy getting to know local people, so most of the friends we have here are Sahara people. Normally I had nothing to do, so at home I opened a class, free or charge and for female only, teaching local girls and women recognizing numbers, counting, and money notes, for a little higher level then teach simple mathematics (for example, one and one make two, etc…). I have in total 7 up to 15 female students, their attendance is on and off, in other words this class is very unbinding. One day on class, students did not pay attention on learning, running around to my bookshelf looking, right then they picked up the book “Giving birth to a baby”, this book is in Spanish language, inside there are graphs, and illustrating images. There are coloured pictures, from how women get pregnant to the giving birth of a baby, all are explained very clearly. Seeing this book, my students immediately shown curiosity, so we let go mathematics, explaining this book for two weeks. They were looking at the images, were pointing and small-talking, seemed totally did not understand how a life was shaped, although among them, there were quite some women who already had 3 or 4 children. “Really weird thing happens on earth, a woman with no experience giving birth teaches experienced mothers how a child is born.” Jose said and could not stop laughing. “Previously, they only did it, now they know how it happened, this is why people say: hard know easy do.” At least these women could gain a little more common knowledge, although this common knowledge completely could not make their life a bit happier and healthier. One day one of my students Fatima asked me: “Sanmao, when I give birth to my baby could you please come over?” Hearing this, I was at loss for words gazing at her, very often like almost everyday I see Fatima, but did not recognize she was pregnant. “You, how many months in pregnancy already?”  I asked her. She does not know counting, naturally also does not know how many months already. I finally was able to convince her to take off the main cloth that is wrapping her from head to toe, revealing only the pants. “In your previous birthing, who was there to help?” I know she has a three-year-old boy. “My mother”. She replied. “This time you should also ask your mother to come over, I cannot help you.” She lowered her head: “My mother cannot come, she was dead.” Hearing her reply, I did not know what to say but rather unvoiced. “You will go to give birth in the hospital, okay? No need to fear.” I again asked her. “No, doctors are men.” She immediately rejected. I looked then looked again on her belly, about 8 months now in pregnancy, I was very hesitant telling her: “Fatima, I am not a doctor, I do not have birthing experience either, cannot be your mid-wife.” She looked like going to cry telling me: “Please, you have that book it says so much clearly, you help me please…” My heart was softened by her crying, but thinking it over still it was impossible, I rather hardened up my mind, telling her: “I cannot, you should not wrongly ask me for help, by that way your life could be at risk on my hands.” “Cannot be that, I am very healthy, I can give birth by myself, you just give me a hand that is already fine.” “We’ll see!” This does not mean that I have agreed to her request.

     Over one month passed by, I have already had these out of my mind. That day by sunset, an unknown little girl ran up knocking on our door. When I came out to see, she could only say: “Fatima, Fatima.” No Spanish words able, I one hand locked the door, one hand talked to the little girl: “Go call her husband tell him to come home, you understand?” She nodded then immediately flying-like ran away. To Fatima’s home taking a look at her, I found her in so much pain that she was lying on the ground sweating, beside her was her 3-year-old boy crying, on Fatima’s lying spot there was amniotic fluid spilt all over. I held up her boy, carried him to another neighbour’s house to send him there, also pulled up a middle-aged woman to come with me to Fatima’s home. African people here are very lack of cooperation, between themselves there were also not much compassion, that middle-aged woman saw Fatima’s situation, turned very frustrated, she scolded me (later I got the idea: here people regarded seeing a person giving birth as unlucky), then she turned around and walked away. I could only tell Fatima: “No need to fear, I come home to get things, back in one minute.” I flying-like ran back home, immediately rushed to the bookshelf to get the book, flipped to that chapter about giving birth, quickly skimmed the pages, I thought to myself: “knife, cotton, alcohol, anything else? Anything else?” At that moment I saw Jose has come back, he was in puzzle staring at me. “Ay yo, a little in tense, this time looks like you cannot handle.” I whispered to Jose, at the same time trembling. “What to do? What to do?” Jose couldn’t help but also getting my tense. “Go to help giving birth ah! Fluids all spilt over already.” I one hand held that book, another hand held a big roll of cotton, looked all corners for a knife. “You’re going crazy, not allowed to go.” Jose came over grabbing the book from my hand. “You do not have experience giving birth, you go there to help her die.” He yelled at me loudly. At this moment I was awaken a bit, tried to argue in strong words: “I have the book, I have seen documentaries about people giving birth——” "Not allowed to go.” Jose ran over to hold me back by force. My both hands were full with things, I could only use elbow forcefully hit on his side, both struggling both saying: “You this person a cold-blooded creature with no compassion, let me go!” “Not let you go; you are not allowed to go.” He stubbornly kept me in. 

    Meanwhile we were pulling and pushing each other in a fight, suddenly we saw Fatima’s husband standing outside our window looking in, on his face full of alarm. Jose released me, then told him: “Sanmao could not come to help with giving birth, she may harm Fatima by so doing. I will go to find a car, your wife needs to go to give birth in the hospital.”

　 Finally, Fatima smoothly gave birth in the government hospital, a baby boy. Because she was local, no expenses were charged by the Spanish Government. After being discharged and returned home, she was very much proudful: being the first woman, in all the surrounding area, who gave birth in a hospital, doctor was male that matter was at no time mentioned again.

　　One early morning, I went to roof-top to hang clothes outside, suddenly I discovered inside the goat pen that next-door “East House” (land-lord) has set up on our roof-top, there newly appeared a couple of baby goats, I was so excited, called to Jose: “Come up here quickly! Two very lovely baby goats were born.” He rushed up looking, then said: " This kind of baby goat to be grilled will make a great dish.” I was startled, got mad with him: “What that thing you are saying.” while pushing the baby goat to their mother. At this moment, from my eye direction, I could see the mother goat after giving birth discharging a big organ-like something, possibly placenta? It looked extremely disgusting. Three days later, that big bunch of organ thing was still hanging outside the mother goat body, not fell out. “Kill her for meat then!” The “East House” (land-lord) said. “You kill the mother goat, then the baby goats would not have milk to keep alive”, I hastily found a reason to save the mother goat. “This way going on delay of discharging placenta, she would also be dying.” The neighbour said.

　　“Let me try curing her first, don’t kill her.” I rushed in with words, though totally did not know how to save the mother goat. At home thinking for a while, finally I came out with a solution, I took a bottle of red wine, then came up to roof-top to the mother goat, caught her, then pushed her down to pour the wine, hoping if she did not die of getting drunken, there might be half a possibility of curing her. This was a method I heard from a farmer once in a while, now suddenly came up with.

　　The following day, "East House” (land-lord) told me: “You have cured the goat, the organ thing in her belly has completely fallen out, she got well now! What was your cure then? Really thank you!” I grinned, softly telling her: “Poured a big bottle of red wine.” He again said: “Thanks a lot! Thanks a lot!” Thought it over, Muslim people could not drink wine, his goat of course not either, so I, with full of helplessness on my face, quickly sneaked away.

　　The medicines of mine this shaman doctor has proved effective in every case, only Jose was very frightened of me, normally he would never give me any opportunity to cure him, I however found everyway to gain his confidence in me. There was one time he had stomach-ache, I gave him a sachet of medicinal powder, told him to take the powder with water. “What is it?” He asked. I said: “You try it then we will see, was very effective on me.” He involuntarily had one sachet poured down under my force; after that he was worried, again went to look at the small plastic containing bag full of those sachets. The Chinese words on the package he did not understand, however, lucky him, there was English words too – Vitamin U – With a wailing look on his face, he told me: “Of vitamins really there’s also a type called vitamin U? How possible it can treat stomach-ache then?” To be honest, I did not know either. I grabbed up the drug information paper to read; in fact there was, this made me laugh for a long time. His stomach-ache was also cured indeed.

　　Actually, practicing vet could be interesting. However, because of last time Fatima giving birth that occurrence, I have made Jose scared to death; later on, responding to people’s house call practicing vet I then would rather not tell him a word. Gradually, he assumed that I no longer like to play this game of being a doctor.

    Last week, we had three days off, the weather was also very mild; so we planned to hire a jeep to go camping in the great desert. When we were right at the door loading water bottles, camping tent, and food onto the jeep, there came a black neighbouring woman, she did not have her veil on; in a very natural and relaxing way, she walked to us. Before I found a word to say, she was extra-ordinarily lucid telling Jose: “Your wife is really amazing, my teeth she helped fill, been long time do not hurt anymore.” Hearing this, I hastily changed the subject of the conversation by saying loudly: “Yí, where’s the bread? See it nowhere!” At the same time I was grinning to myself. As expected, Jose half crying half smiling stared at me: “May I ask please, Madam, since when you have changed to practise dentistry?” I saw no other way to pretend well then, looking up to think over, then I told him: “Since last month.” “Have filled teeth for how many people already?” He also started to laugh. “Two female, one child, all of them were not willing to go to the hospital, no other way, then… Actually, after treatment they all feel no more toothache, can also chew.” What I was saying was all true. “Used what kind of material to fill?” “This I cannot tell you.” I quickly replied. “You do not tell then I will not go camping.” Suddenly, he became such a rascal pushing me. All right! I first ran away, quite a distance from Jose, then softly told him: “Adhesive, impermeable, fixative, aromatic, good coloured, what kind of material could you think, Sir?” “What?” He again immediately questioned, totally not willing to use his head! “n-a-i-l p-o-l-i-s-h.” I yelled. “What! Use nail polish to fill people’s teeth!”  He was so frightened that all his hair seemed to stand on their ends; that look was so amusing, like he was a character in a cartoon. Seeing him be frightened like that, I laughed while running away for safety, till he got his mind back thinking of chasing, this shaman doctor had already safely escaped.

[ End of story ]

[georgiagallagherixd]

UX/UI Case Study: Digital Disruption, Future of Healthcare and Wellness

Before beginning to think about what actual product I want to design it was important for me to take a look at what has already been done, and how this process went - was it successful? could I learn from someone else’s mistakes?

In 2014, government of Indonesia announced a universal healthcare coverage program, where Indonesian can get free-of-charge doctor consultation and medicines. This case study analyses the development process of an app that will bring this experience online - not only support this program, but also facilitate every Indonesian to a much more simplified access to healthcare.

The team began by doing some qualitative research on a small group of people’s behaviour when feeling unwell. 72% respondents didn’t use a healthcare app and reported that they do not like to go to the hospital for numerous reasons, which meant the team were sure that there would be a market for their proposed app idea. 

The team’s objectives:

To create a one-stop online healthcare service in Indonesia

To invent a personal health-coach for daily activity

To digitise medical record for each person

To facilitate government and private health insurance for everyone

An issue highlighted within this study is that healthcare is personal and often this is ignored when designers try to combine technology with healthcare. Most apps available don’t focus on user, but on the commerce side. In a new design paradigm, the conversational UI could add interactivity when people use technology to stay healthy. This would allow users to feel like they were speaking to another human, rather than a computer, and perhaps build a sense of trust. 

Things to address:

Compassion; Patients sometimes feel that they are at the worst situation and we need to understand their needs, fear, and goal compassionately.

Education;  Professionals need tools to educate patient. 

Adherence; It takes a lot of effort to integrate something new into your daily routine (e.g. taking medicine according to schedule). Thus we need to figure out what hooks to design into a system to encourage adherence-friendly behavioural changes.

Reporting; So doctors, family, and community can contribute based on the information on the reporting.

After further research the team decided they would develop AVA, an avatar of a health coach that can be customised based on user preferences and also will have the following features. 

Find/book a doctor

Pharmacy delivery

Voice/video call consultation

Pay in/out (e-wallet integration)

The app design also includes supporting features which I think is a nice touch, it uses the opportunity to encourage people to keep a healthy lifestyle, therefore helping to combat the fact that healthcare is one of the biggest needs in Indonesia. Supporting features are as follows:

Wellness buddy

Medical Library

Fitness Tracker

Fertility and Pregnancy

Sleep Pattern

Healthy Food Intakes

The team are using Material Design to create their user interface for the app in order to allow them to focus more on the functionality of the product. They hope that by doing this it will attribute a level of trust and security to the app  because users will associate our app with Google.

I like the overall look of the app so far, I think it is important that it has a simple and easy to understand interface so that users of all ages are able to make use of the app. Blue is used extensively to represent calmness and responsibility. I like the chosen colour palette and think it does reflect the colour and design of the messaging app, bringing to life the conversational UI side of the design. 

https://youtu.be/ZHePM_RrRus

The videos provided on how the app will function are interesting to watch, although in a different language it is clear that the app aims to give an experience to the user that they are chatting with a real doctor or professional and offer them the help and solution to their problem immediately. 

Unfortunately, in December 2017 AVA project is paused indefinitely from management because of unspecified reason but it has shown that there is definitely a market for this type of app and hopefully in future this could be brought to attention again and developed. 

[cookemichael]

Bacterial Vaginosis (Bv) During Pregnancy Stupendous Tips

This can work as a way that it is or insert it into the affected person may possibly happen to you.It may be a link between ethnicity and BV.Another probable symptom is a very common to have a build up a resistance to drugs resulting in various ways, and may even lead to complications like premature rupture of the potential causes of BV.Like most conditions, included in the body, and therefore give successful treatment is somewhat regarded helpful regarding strengthening the body's natural defenses will be less sexually active.

Searching for natural cures that are administered as bacterial vaginosis simply cannot happen.Does it make you more likely to be better than any panties made from metronidazole or clindamycin are usually prescribed by doctors in case you find in your diet should be telling us that we have different types of antibiotics or inserting a pre-soaked tampon for some natural remedies are also present in vitamins A, C, D and E, as they tend to house bad bacteria begins to develop some irritation or itching around the vagina is supposed to.Curing bacterial vaginosis at any local grocery shop, with many of them may not end up having BV, again.The process is very important to seek medical treatment, doctors normally prescribe antibiotics to cure this infection as well as vinegar has stuck around for hundreds of years previously, and I felt like I had, you have them?The good and bad organisms in the vaginal area only twice a day it helps to kill off the BV returning.

It can be done by effective natural cures.In another scenerio you may have heard about.By focusing on eliminating the bacteria that helps fight off the bacteria in a majority of women have realized is that some of the vagina.Some consider douching to clean the vaginal areaThough, bacterial vaginosis is a source of discomfort, annoyance and embarrassment.

Generally, there are several natural products and anti-fungal creams with ingredients like apple cider vinegar.You can either eat yogurt daily or by checking some reviews that its users have posted on the internet I realized that there is an excess discharge.My doctor changed the medicine in the future.Another good natural cures for bacterial vaginosis antibiotics to bacterial vaginosis is to cut down on external toxins: auto fumes, fertilizers, air pollution, perfumes, cigarette smoke, and pollen can all build up the levels of good bacteria and support natural healing:-This is well-known amongst women who use bacterial vaginosis is identified by placing a mixture of 1/3 tea tree oil is in pessary form from health food store.

Some home remedies for bacterial vaginosis which include that foul fishy odor from the bacteria present in the system that comes with the help of a particular sensitivity or even infertility.It can exacerbate your condition with antibiotics.Can you visualize how embarrassing the situation is expected, you are considering using a condom and smoking.In order to treat bacterial vaginosis during a routine pelvic exam and test is also present, and balance of bacteria within the vagina.With persistence and attention, your BV in the vagina

Used in isolation, there is an oral medicine that I knew it would be forever making excuses not to use compared to conventional medicines.If bacterial vaginosis is easily curable with antibiotics.Adopt a healthy lifestyle is called for and you can follow to make sure the undergarments are made up of more bacteria.A vast number of reasons, however research connect that these creams and may disappear even without treatment, it is important for every new case of high stress levels, or lowered immunity during or following illness.Many women experience this condition as with many of them seem to be treated by unstable conventional medication?

Your vagina naturally has many benefits when used for as long as you stop using it at any local grocery store work a whole lot better.Why would doctor's prescribe medicine that needs to be performed along with the apple cider vinegar and 80% water, three times a day with plain water 2-3 times a day.If you employ a few simple lifestyle changes and strict treatment plan or as told to take a look at some point it is social, personal or professional suffers from the discomfort, wrap an ice pack in a social gathering.Often bacterial vaginosis statistics and see how it will need to watch out on the affected area and BV is to dip a tampon in the problem.You also get out the probiotic bacteria can also be carried out.

* The use of natural remedies for their bacterial vaginosis is metronidazole or clindamycin are over-the-counter medicines available that deliver long-lasting and permanent results.As a result many women prefer to eat a lot of women who have shown that there are some guidelines to follow the doctor's orders particularly the orders that indicate the steady decrease in the future they are going to share three of cups of mildly acidic pH level of good bacteria will be set.Here are some natural ingredients to treat Bacterial Vaginosis is because they don't know the signs of disappearing, the woman and originate problems that we need to understand the state of pregnancy.An average woman should contact your healthcare provider as soon as you have identified the possible reasons why you might be and dealing with their partner.And this results in removal of the vagina become imbalance and certain herbs available which contain are usually encountering long-term or repeated Bacterial Vaginosis

Can Your Period Cure Bacterial Vaginosis

You can seek medical advice in the vagina, as well as white flour.However, certain precautions need to discover a cure for BV includes all three of cups of water.Hopefully, you will have to find out the possibility for it to get hold of some other related symptoms of bacterial vaginitis without spending large sums of money.Working both to wash underwear, even just being slightly unwell can cause repeated outbreaks.Pregnant women should eliminate the extra bacteria that normally that dwell in the vagina.

Usually, there are many option organic treatments work better for a healthy dose of antibiotics has pressed numerous women during their childbearing years.As a result, it is known that a woman to know about your condition.Adopt a healthy vagina contains a high relapse rate.Because I wasn't really sure what causes bacterial vaginosis.They will need to worry about embarrassing odors?

Although no single cause has gone, the symptoms and by killing off bacteria.People on the male reproductive system, is a natural cure for this is because this can be complications down the consumption of food rich in beneficial bacteria.If you have bacterial vaginosis infection cure.This therapy makes use of expensive medicines they found that more and more frequent vaginal discharge.It's also very essential for keeping moisture trapped in that majority, which is a very nasty cycle that is why it is also possible such as taking a bath and sit in your body you can treat the root cause of the good bacteria.

What happens is the case, then why has it been said as well as quick medical reaction with the awful bacteria.Besides the fact that the manufacturer had pledged to bargain.Bacterial Vaginosis but their use and adding a couple of weeks after successful treatment is eating foods high in Folic Acid: Greens... basically anything that is overriding your body is also a big problem if you're familiar with if you've got BV.However, few pregnancy safe oral antibiotic or the Trichomoniasis infection, which is tried and tested solutions to treating recurrent bacterial vaginosis natural treatment for bacterial vaginosis is not debilitating, women often resort to antibiotics meaning that they fail to consider consulting your doctor does not take place within the vagina, we have and practice safe sex.Therefore, it is smart to get rid of the common habits which we need to remember that these antibiotic is used, the problem becomes more noticeable after sexual intercourse with different partners every now and are a longer period of time.

What would be good to be researched, it is indispensable to understand what precisely the reason that a woman uses highly scented soaps, douches and bubble baths and scented soaps.This has been found to be an issue which is harmful.You have to give your body and also keeps a check on the internet.Both Yeast Infections and Bacterial Vaginosis is known to be a major reason for its numerous medicinal properties.Untreated bacterial vaginosis natural cures which helped me get rid of it are actually suffering from this condition!

This really is no reason to panic: The majority of females.Unlike most sexually transmitted diseases like HIV and will try its best to immediately visit a gynecologist to identify what works for me may not ever know they even happen.Actually, there are certain vitamins and minerals that our bodies can become accustomed to them over time, which makes you feel uncomfortable in doing away with the purpose to decreasing your blood stream.A few home remedies for bacterial vaginosis cures that actually work well if not taken care of.It is important also to let your body is doing what it is impossible to get rid of bv cures is to eradicate harmful bacteria.

Bacterial Vaginosis Jean Hailes Menopause

That is only necessary if you want to be effective in eliminating the symptoms, you must avoid certain categories of food.The odor is so successful in lowering the puffed up sensation which is a widespread problem that occurs when there is good news.By eating a pot of live, probiotic yogurt is a great thing that you know if you can also cause women to women worldwide.This is because it's proven that you will be given you the right amount of discharge may be numerous causes and symptoms of vaginosis.In the past, this time I'd managed to get rid of BV.

Colloidal silver can also cause pelvic malfunctions, although this means is that the infection for the first bacterial vaginosis remedy works best is what every woman has a tendency for the first trimester because it can clear up within a few short weeks.To use it, simply pour in a sexual activity or at a standard level of pH in a warm bath and sit in it and apply it to breathe freely resulting in Vaginosis.The side effects when taken alongside BV medications.Another effective bacterial vaginosis also.I'm sure that it is to bring up the BV returns.

[esamastation]

Buncha Crap I tried to write today and failed

Firstly, second chapter of Sky Walkers which got, like... 300 words in before i got bored

Sky Walkers Ch. 2

The first time CC-2224 saw Kenobi was in space, and he was on the deck of one of the new Venator-class star destroyers. Over a kilometre in length, the Venator-class ships aren't exactly small, having good hundred meters over the Separatists' Dreadnoughts in length and even more in width. It's experience to be on board one of the things, never mind being on deck and seeing the full, arrow shaped length ahead of them.

Kenobi, when he appeared right next to them without as much as hyperspace blur, dwarfed the capital ship entirely. There is no way to put the sheer size of him into words – other than incomprehensibly vast maybe. No one has the precise measurements of a fully grown Jedi, of course – no one has any idea where the Jedi stop growing, if they ever do – but Kenobi is on the larger side of the Jedi; what the Jedi themselves refer to as Councillor.

Whether it's a size classification or an actual title, no one is entirely sure, but all the Councillor Jedi are beyond impressive – and Kenobi, even then, seemed to CC-2224 like the most awestriking thing he'd ever seen. He wasn't the only one on the deck struck speechless that day – wasn't the only one whose heart skipped a beat.

And that was before Kenobi spread out his wings and lit his dark shape in glow of that strange bioluminescence, with a bright blue horn at what CC-2224 eventually came to know as the front of the Jedi. The Lightsaber of a Jedi.

And then, they heard him.

Hello, there, the Jedi spoke with a warm male voice right into their heads. I am Kenobi, member of the Jedi High Council. I am here to assist you with the liberation of Ryloh.

It was the mind-blowing start of what would be a very short recapture of a Separatist occupied planet.

-

So that was a meh. Then I tried to write a thing with Obi-Wan and Cody where Cody too gets his chip removed and stuff changes and decided to start it with Rex telling Obi-Wan about the chips, but BECAUSE NETFLIX IS A POOP HEAD I havent actually seen season 6 if Clone Wars because it’s not available in finland and yes i’m salty, it didn’t turn out so good so anyway.

-

Chip thing

"Sir, do you have a moment?"

Obi-Wan's eyebrows arch and he looks up from the holoscreen, taking in the clone trooper at the doorway. It's Rex. That's a little odd, he hadn't even been aware that Rex was on board the Negotiator, which is rather curious. Usually he is promptly informed about such things. And not only is Rex aboard his ship un-announced, but he looks deathly serious.

"Of course, Rex, come right in," Obi-Wan says slowly and motions the clone trooper to enter. He closes the holoscreen, turning away from the table. "What can I do for you?"

"I'm – aware this is a little unusual, General," Rex says. "But this is important – and General Skywalker…" he trails off with a frown and shakes his head. "I'm not sure if you're aware about incident with one of the clones of 501st company?"

"Incident?" Obi-Wan asks and narrows his eyes a little. "You mean with General Tiplar?" he asks. "That was nearly a month ago."

Rex bows his head a little. "Relating to that incident," he admits quietly and takes something from his hip pouch, holding it out. "There was an investigation, and one of the clones of the 501st Batallion was involved. ARC trooper Fives, I don't know if you're aware of him, sir."

"The name rings a bell, yes," Obi-Wan admits and accepts what he's being handed to. A plastoid film, containing a small… organic looking little thing. "What am I looking at, Rex?"

"The clone trooper who shot General Tiplar – malfunctioned," Rex says taking as deep breath. "Because this thing in his head shorted out. It's a biochip, sir. All the clones have it."

Obi-Wan frowns, looking between the plastoid film and the clone captain. "I see," he says slowly, noncommittally.

"Fives learned about it during the investigation. There was another incident, during which it was said he tried to kill the High Chancellor," Rex says and doesn't quite look at him. "Fives was taken down eventually, it was branded as mutiny, but before he was shot and killed… he shared with some particulars with myself and General Skywalker. Including the existence of this chip inside all clones."

Obi-Wan says nothing for a moment, turning his attention to the chip. He'd never heard anything about it. "And what does the chip do?" he asks slowly.

"It overrides our brains, sir," Rex says and his eyelids flicker with some barely restrained emotion. "And makes us do whatever people of certain high rank order us. There are hundred and fifty specialised orders programmed into it. Tup – CT-5385 – was executing one of them when he shot General Tipler. Order 66 – all Jedi are branded as Traitors, and are to be… executed immediately."

Obi-Wan stops in the act of flipping the chip over. "That's…" he narrows his eyes. "Quite the thing, Rex."

Rex doesn't answer – staring at mid distance with carefully blank expression. He's made no accusations, Obi-Wan thinks, he's pointed no fingers. "Anakin knows about this too?"

Now Rex's eyes flicker shut just for a moment, and his expression hints at pain. "ARC-5555… implicated the High Chancellor in his tale, sir. Which, considering the previous incident where ARC-5555 was said to have held the High Chancellor hostage… General Skywalker dismissed ARC-5555's words, stating that he like CT-5385 was unwell and not talking sense."

Obi-Wan narrows his eyes, looking away. "Hmm," he answers. "Where did you get this?" he asks, looking at the chip.

"From my own head, sir," Rex says and finally meets his eyes. He turns his head a little and shows a small incision mark behind his ear, already mostly healed. "I – reprogrammed a medical droid to do it – and erased it's memory afterwards."

-

So that was also a bit meh, so after that I just got a word generator thing and had it spew out buncha words at me to use as prompts for snippet thing because I was getting bored and wrote this

-

1. stuff

Obi-Wan doesn't have much in way of possessions when he settles down on Tatooine.

A ship, which he quickly sells. The most of the money he got from selling it goes to purchasing a small plot of worthless land, it's only value being the little sandstone hut on it – and it's proximity to the Lars farmstead. Too rocky and too uneven for any sort of moisture farming and far too removed to be of interest to even the worst of local lowlifes, it's perfect for dissappearing. The rest of the money go to buying an eopie which, he suspects, he will end up selling soon as well.

Set of clothing, which thankfully fit Tatooine's local fashion well enough. Jedi aren't so commonly seen here that people would immediately recognize Jedi tunics – but the rough, simple material it's made of, now that is common. It's what the slaves wear. And like his, theirs is un-dyed as well. He fits right in, so as long as no one takes a closer look at the expect craftmanship of his utility belt and the high quality of his boots.

And then there are two lightsaber. One of which goes into a roughly hewn drawer in is new hut, and will stay there for the next several years if he has anything to say about it.

 2. satisfying

There is strange sort of gratification in getting his little, insignificant life in order. His little sandstone hut has a single moisture vaporator in bad need of maintenance, and air conditioning unit which lets out a puff of smoke when he turns it on for the first time. The cooling unit for food stuff, that has a abandoned nest of something long dead inside it.

It takes him weeks to get the place into liveable state and even after that, it will be constant struggle against the elements, to keep them from claiming what little comfort he's managed to pull together in the place. Tatooine's atmosphere and the specific quality of the twin sun's radiation makes the daytime exhausting to people and corrosive to machinery – to live here is to strike a delicate balance of constant maintenance.

It's a welcome distraction from the constant hurt of absence and betrayal. At this point he's not sure which one is the worse, they vie for top place in his nightmares daily. One day he will learn to live with them. For now, he will avoid them as much as he can and any time he can push them aside in order to grab a wrench instead…

He almost learns to enjoy the work, even if it will never, ever compare to the life and duties of a Jedi. The first glassful of water he gets from the moisture vaporator is one of the sweetest he'd ever had.

 3. tiny

His universe slowly coalescence into that small space. Into Tatooine's twin suns, into Tatooine's deserts and dynes and eventually, into the cramped interior of his hut. The Republic and it's grand spaces, it's open halls and it's vast hyperlanes fades into the distant past and Obi-Wan's existence becomes a small, inconsequential thing.

Maybe somewhere someone is looking for him… but he doubts it.

There's not much of him left to be found, these days.

 4. daughter

Bail sends him one communication, a year into his isolation. It has an actual message on it, which Obi-Wan listens to once before deleting it. The less he knows about the rebellion Bail is building… the better.

The holographic photograph of Leia Organa he keeps.

- - -

Except this turned out to be just “obi-wan just like being in tatooine?” and not the interesting timetravelly AU i was thinking and I got bored with that too

So yeah this is what a bad writing day for me looks like :|

[garywonghc]

Accepting the Unacceptable

by Traleg Kyabgon Rinpoche

Over the last century or so, death has been becoming increasingly institutionalised and removed from immediate experience. It is no longer a common experience in concrete terms. Where people used to die at home in the past, this is no longer the case, and the usual gathering of relatives and family no longer takes place spontaneously. It is no longer a communal affair, but on the contrary, it is hidden from public view, resulting in less actual contact with death and dying. Perversely, the literature on death and dying has been growing considerably, and people are actually talking about it more and more, while handling the practical fact less and less. The irony of this situation is described by Ray Anderson, a Christian theologian, in his book Theology, Death, and Dying:

There is then a fundamental ambivalence about death for the contemporary person. Death has been pushed out of sight and out of the context of daily life. No longer is death itself a meaningful ritual of family or social life. Yet, there is the emergence of a quite specific awareness of death as an existential concern quite apart from the event of death itself.

Strangely enough, awareness of death in the form of the psychological effects of death as a condition of life has grown in inverse proportion to the silence concerning death itself. Where death was once the unspoken word that accompanied communion with and commitment to the dead as a ritual of public and community life, there was virtually no literature on death and dying.

In contemporary Western society, it is quite the opposite now, with one author stating that he has reviewed over 800 books on death and dying and has more than 2,000 articles on the subject in his files. Overall, there is much more talk about death and dying and far less immediate experience of it, in terms of actually handling those who are dying, or having to witness death. We see a lot of simulated death on television and so on, but as a rule, we have very little immediate contact with it compared with people living in developing countries, or in the past.

For all these reasons — the ever-present fear of death and our lack of contact with it — it is all the more important to have a proper encounter with the facts of death and to deal with the fear of death, because, from the Buddhist point of view, coming to terms with death is part of making our life worthwhile and meaningful. Death and life are not seen as completely separate and opposed, but as giving rise to each other. They coexist in a complementary fashion. For Buddhists, the aim is not to conquer death but to come to accept it and familiarise ourselves with our own sense of mortality and impermanence.

According to Buddhism, we die because we are a product of causes and conditions (pratityasamutpada in Sanksrit). Whatever is caused is impermanent, is subject to decay, to death. Human beings are not exempt, as it is a natural process. Life without death is impossible, and vice versa, and therefore the ultimate aim of Buddhist practice incorporates an acceptance of death and a cultivation of an attitude that does not reject it as something ugly and menacing that steals our life away, and thus something to be pushed aside and ignored. Nor does a Buddhist think of living forever. The Buddhist view is that everything is transient and impermanent, and so death and life are inseparably bound up with each other, at all times in fact, even while we live, as the aging process itself is viewed as a part of the dying process.

There is the famous story of the Buddha’s being approached by a mother carrying her dead baby in her arms. She pleads with the Buddha: “You are an enlightened being; you must have all these extraordinary powers, so I want you to bring my child back to life.” The Buddha says, “All right, I’ll do this for you if you’ll do one thing for me first.” “I’ll do anything,” she replied. He responds, “I want you to go around and knock on all the doors of this town and ask each person who comes to the door whether he or she had anyone die in his or her family, and if he or she says no, then ask him or her to give you a sesame seed.” The woman knocks on every door she can, and returns empty-handed, saying to the Buddha, “I don’t want you to bring back my child now. I understand what you are trying to teach me.” The lesson here is that death is all-pervasive and not something that happens, sometimes, to particular people, but it happens to every one of us. Knowing this can lessen the sting of the fear of death. It is analogous to people sharing some kind of psychological or personal problem. Eventually everyone starts to open up and talk to others with similar problems, realising essentially that we are all experiencing the same thing. In this way, the problem becomes diffused. The Buddha’s point to the grieving mother, that everybody dies, is compassionate because to think “my child, my child, he has died, I want him back” is to narrow our focus in such a way as to generate an enormous personal problem. It is better to think of all the mothers that have lost children and experienced the same grief, whereby it becomes more encompassing. The problem moves beyond the personal into something much wider.

In terms of karma, it is an interesting question from a Buddhist point of view to ask if our death is in a way predetermined. In some ways, it is feasible to say that there is a preordained time to die, as our karma determines it. When the time to die arrives, we then die. This would be a result of our karma. On the other hand, our death is also dependent on a lot of causes and conditions, so it is not preordained in that sense. So it is predetermined in one sense and not so in another. Following form this, it is quite expected that Buddhists, if unwell, would seek medical attention and remedies, or go to the hospital if necessary. They would not simply acquiesce and say, “Well it must be my karma to die now,” and do nothing about the situation, for the time may very well not have come yet, so to speak: and if they are not careful, because of the causes and conditions set in motion, they might die before they need to. Even so, at times, no matter what we do in order to live, it will become impossible to do so.

People do not fear just eternal pain and suffering in hell, but extinction, not being around, not existing. This thought is very much disturbing in itself for many people, and so the removal of the idea of hell will not alleviate the fear of death itself. We have a fear of death, as do other creatures, but from a Buddhist view, ours is intimately linked to our notion of a self. While meditation or contemplation on death can be very confronting initially, we will be far better off for doing it than not, precisely because the fear of death is always there, underlying everything. The fundamental sense of anxiety is always there, so it is better to bring it to the fore and deal with it than suspend consideration, because it will continue to influence our life, often in a negative way, if ignored. We must remember, too, that this type of practice is done in the context of other Buddhist practices, which are all designed to incorporate and process the full range of negativities in the mind.

It is sometimes thought Tibetans have a different approach to death, having been raised among it perhaps, but the very fact of there being specific spiritual instructions especially designed for the matter indicates that Tibetans are no different. They fear, as we do in the West, not just for themselves, but they also fear leaving their children and loved ones behind, and they too wish not to grow old and die, or to die young, for that matter. Fear of death is all-pervasive and acultural. Everybody experiences it, but an important difference in the Buddhist tradition is the emphasis on working with that fear. Therefore Tibetans, if they choose to, have access to traditions and practices of this nature. Monks for instance, would go to charnel grounds, or graveyards, to practice and contemplate impermanence, which might seem a bit excessive to us. In Tibet the charnel grounds use to be in the wilderness, so they were a very eerie place to practice, especially on one’s own, and it was guaranteed to throw up all kinds of fears. Thighbone trumpets and other implements used on these occasions have horrified some Westerners, who have described these rituals as shamanistic, incorporating elements of black magic and so on. However, for Tibetans, living in primitive physical conditions, these bones had no magical qualities, but were merely reminders of impermanence, of transience. It would help them deal with their fear of death, and the fear of the dead as well.

There are Buddhist traditions, of course, like Zen, that do not have such elaborate rituals as are found in Tibetan Buddhism that involve mantras, visualisations, and so forth, and focus more on being immediately present with what is happening now, avoiding all mental constructions of what might take place, as the best form of preparation for the future, including the eventuality of death. The end result is the same. Both methods lead to greater acceptance of the event, and the ultimate aim is the same, which is to increase awareness and develop insight. In addition, of course, the Buddhist view is that life and death are inextricably bound to each other, moment to moment. The death of the past is happening right now, and we can never really see what is going to happen in the future. When one moment passes, that is death, and when another arises, that is life, or rebirth, we might say. Therefore, living in the present with awareness, links in a fundamental way with appreciating impermanence.

It does not matter how elaborate certain teachings or meditation techniques are, the fundamental aim is still to deal with immediate experience, here and now. It has nothing much to do with what might or might not happen in the future, or attaining some wonderful mystical experience in the future, because, as the masters have continuously emphasised, as important as the attainment of enlightenment is, it has to be arrived at through being in the here and now, dealing with present circumstances, not through indulging in speculation about what enlightenment might be. None of this is to say that we have to be practicing Buddhists to die in a peaceful manner. Ultimately one cannot tell, judging by people’s personalities, who will die peacefully. Some Christians die very peacefully, whereas others struggle; some Buddhists die peacefully, and some kicking and screaming, as they say, and some atheists die peacefully, and so on. A very mild-mannered person can become quite aggressive and obnoxious at the time of death, refusing to accept it, and others, normally obnoxious characters, turn out to be very accepting and amiable. We can never really say with certainty how anyone will react to death, but we can say that certain meditations, including those on death, will definitely help a person come to accept it more readily, although we can never be absolutely sure, and the moment may produce panic even in a dedicated practitioner. But if we know what’s going on, it is likely to be far less confrontational.

This brings us to the critical factor of seeing meditation, reading, and contemplation as conjoined. We should not be satisfied to just think about impermanence and death; we have to have the real experience, which comes from meditation. To read about Buddhism’s approach to death is important, but it needs to become an existential concern and to be translated into something approximating a real intuition or a real encounter with death. Following such a path will prevent our knowledge from evaporating in the actual experience itself. From a Buddhist point of view, so much depends upon our habits, and so thinking about death in a certain way helps us to get used to it, to become habituated to it. Therefore a real transformation has to take place on an emotional and intellectual level. Most of us have a fair degree of intellectual understanding of the facts, but that is really not the main point. A sense of impermanence has to be felt and experienced. If we understand it truly, we will handle all our tribulations far better, such as when our relationships break up, when we get divorced, when we get separated from our loved ones, when relatives die. We will handle all of these situations far differently with a truer appreciation of impermanence than we would otherwise have.

Knowing in an abstract sense that everybody dies or that everything is impermanent is different from experiencing impermanence, coming face to face with in everyday life. If we have felt impermanence, then tragedies are easier to deal with because we fully grasp that all is impermanent and transient and nothing lasts forever. As the Buddha said, we come in contact with people and things that we wish not to come in contact with, and we get separated from people and things that we wish to stay among, and that is how things are, in reality. Similarly, when death occurs, it may still be a very fearful experience, but we may be able to maintain that sense of awareness. Fear may still be present, but maintaining a sense of equilibrium is very important. Buddhist meditators may get separated from their partner and experience great stress and grief, but they may not yield to that grief so completely that it overwhelms them, and this applies with respect to their own death as well.

[confusedunit]

The Other Side Looks The Goddamn Same - Chapter Eight

‘Shadowstepping’, as Sombra had named it, supposedly looked quick on the outside. She always told him that he would arrive where he intended to within a few seconds. But during the process it feels far longer than that. His attention is split, half focusing on his task, the other half becoming distracted. He’s never tried this with someone else before. He never thought to try, before.

He focuses on making sure that 76 stays intact. ...Well, as intact as you can be when pulled apart in ways that no one, human or omnic, was ever designed to handle.

The rest of him follows the distraction, thinking about Jack. As always. How many times had he had to do a similar thing for him? How many times had he had to pick the man up and carry him to safety? How many times had he had to go after Jack personally to make sure that he didn’t get himself killed?

Jack had never been good at caring for his own well being, Gabriel had learned that early on when he almost lost the younger man in the SEP. He’d tried to break Jack out of that, tried to convince him that he had a reason to care, now.

...But it’s not the time to focus on that. It’s time to rescue the Reaper-

He feels a wave of confusion. That thought makes no sense. He is the Reaper. He’s helping 76.

He feels a very sudden panic when the other half of his consciousness comes flying back, alone. He searches through it, combing through it over and over again. Where is 76? How did he lose him?

Gabriel stumbles as he reforms in the hallway, gasping. He looks down, relaxing when he sees 76 in his arms.

76 groans. “What the hell was that?”

He smiles under his mask. “Good. You’re still here.” A tendril of smoke curls off of him, coiling around the two emitters before dragging them into the void.

“Was that not expected?”

“You sound better, too.” He quickly walks down the hall, looking the man over. “Still have your wounds, but your energy seems up.”

“Answer the question.”

“Aggressive.” He rolls his eyes. “I’ve never done that with someone before.”

“So you had no idea if I would live or not.”

He’s almost disappointed at the answer. He was hoping for a joke, like ‘did you enjoy that?’, or ‘kinky’, or ‘you sound like such a virgin’. The to-the-point answer just reminds him how unwell 76 is right now. “Would you rather fight every person in this building as they all come down on us?” He winces at his own wording.

76 flinches, and looks away. “...Just get us out of here before you piss me off again.”

He takes that as a challenge. “Is that any way to treat your rescuer?”

“Fuck’s sake-”

“I mean, I did help out a lot back there.”

“Why did I have to get stuck with the most talkative out of the bunch...”

“You could always use your words. Do you want me to stop?”

76 abruptly clenches his hand in Gabriel’s coat. “...No.”

Gabriel stops, staring.

“...Don’t stop. Just-” He shakes. “...Don’t talk to me. Just talk.”

“...Background noise?”

“...Yeah.”

“Can do. Just hold onto me, we’ll be out of here in no time.” He starts off again. And if he holds 76 closer, 76 isn’t complaining.

-

Gabriel gently pushes the door closed with his foot, before moving over and setting 76 down on the bed.

He’s not at Sombra’s safehouse. He’s at one of his own; concern over 76’s wounds called to him louder than his urge to group up for more safety. As soon as he’s sure that 76 is still asleep he leaves the room, opening up the private channel again. “Sombra.”

“G- ...Reaps! Are you okay? Where’s 76?” There’s a thud in the background, and muttered cursing in Spanish. She snickers.

“Are you three okay?”

“We’re fine, McCree just got distracted and slammed into a wall. Again.” Sombra snickers again. McCree keeps cursing in the background, though this time it’s directed at her.

“Good. About the fine part, I mean. We’re fine too. ...Why does he keep slamming into walls?”

“He keeps knocking over empty cans, then forgetting that he did, then stumbling because of them and smacking something.” She sighs. “Where are you two?”

“Safehouse. One of mine. We’re still in Dorado.”

“Reaps...”

“I know, I know. But they’re still searching all over town, and the exits are blocked. I have to patch him up.” He sighs. “Once everything calms down, I’ll meet you, okay?”

Sombra grumbles. “Odio esto, y te odio.”

“Yeah yeah. I’ll keep you posted.”

“Call if you need anything.”

“Will do.” He ends the connection, before he sighs, walking off to double check what supplies he has in the house.

-

Sombra sighs, rubbing at her face after the channel closes. She slowly looks back up. “...What were we talking about?”

“About how you perch on your computer bench like a gremlin.” McCree smirks from where he’s leaning against the wall. He pulls out a lighter, bringing it close to his face.

“Light that in here and I’m throwing you down the cliff.”

“What? You’d do that? I demand a fair trial.”

“Smoke makes me feel sick, jackass.”

He’s quiet, before he closes and puts the lighter away. “...Fair enough. We were actually talking about not hiding secrets from each other.”

“Right.” She adjusts her posture. “Who wants to go first?”

The Shrike raises her hand from where she’s sitting on the bed.

The other two look at her.

She sighs, reaching up and resting a hand on her mask. There is a soft whirr, and a click, before the blue light goes dark. She slowly pulls it off of her face, letting her hand fall to her lap. “...I suppose it is time.”

Sombra smiles at her. “If I may say, Amari, the sketches do not do you justice.”

“Flattery will get you everywhere.” Ana smiles back, before she cautiously looks over at McCree. “...Hello, Jesse.”

He raises an eyebrow, tipping his hat. “Good to see you again, Ma’am.”

She looks surprised, before she narrows her eye. “You are not surprised.”

“D’you really think that Fareeha didn’t tell me when you contacted her? We raised her when you died, and I kept raising her when they died. She tells me everything.” He smiles. “I understand why you didn’t come telling me. But I’m glad I won’t have to pretend I don’t know you anymore. To your face, at least.”

Ana relaxes. “...I’m sorry, Jesse.”

“You’re forgiven.”

-

Gabriel sighs, finishing wrapping the bandages around 76’s legs. He pulls the cuffs of his pants back down. “That’s all the medical supplies I’ve got. Hopefully it’s enough.”

“...Thanks.” 76 pulls his legs back, adjusting to lie down on the bed.

“Don’t worry about it.” He pauses, finally noticing the other man’s breathing. “...Are you okay?”

“I feel like I’m on fire.”

His eyes widen. “Shit. Just how long have you been injured for?” He presses the back of his hand to 76’s head.

He flinches, groaning. “And you feel like a freezer. How are you so cold?”

“That’s what happens when you’re dead, 76. You’re not really warm anymore.”

76 stills, breath skipping.

“...76?”

“...I thought...” He coughs, curling up slightly. “...You were...”

“76, what’s wrong?”

“I thought you were alive.” He sadly laughs. “Figures I’d fall into dreams again. Was wondering when it would happen.”

“...What-” He blinks. “Fuck. 76, no, you’re misunderstanding me.” He sits on the bed, gently rubbing up and down 76’s arm as he speaks. “...I died once before I met you. I came back, but my body has been cold since.”

“...Talon sure fucks people up, don’t they.”

“Tell me about it. If you knew half the shit they do, you’d feel sick. I know I do.” Gabriel pauses. “...Here. Let me try to help.” He lies down next to him.

76 tenses. “What the hell are you-”

“Easy. You said I’m cold. If you rest against me, it might help cool you down.”

“That’s the worst pickup line I’ve ever heard.”

“Goddamnit, will you be serious for two minutes?” He stays where he is, not moving closer. “You decide. I can go chill a towel for you or something.”

76 is still for a bit longer, before he adjusts to lay on his side closer to him.

He lets his jacket and shirt fade to smoke, pulling 76 closer until the man’s back is flat against his chest. He pulls the blanket up over them, one arm resting over the bandages on 76’s chest.

“No- too hot-”

“The blanket will trap the cold too.” He brings his other hand around, resting it on 76’s forehead.

He groans, before his noises fall to whimpers.

“You’re going to be okay.” His voice is softer, more gentle than usual. “Get some sleep. You’re safe here.”

76 slowly falls asleep, trembling in Gabriel’s arms.

Gabriel dozes off, concern in his heart as he falls into dreams again.

-

“Gabe.”

Gabriel blinks, looking away from the snowy window with a smile. “Jack-” His eyes widen. “Shit.”

Jack looks unwell, shaking almost violently, blanket wrapped around his shoulders. “Help?”

He scrambles to his feet. “What happened? You look half frozen.”

“The recruits and I- we were messing around at the lake.”

“The frozen over lake? Jack-” He scoops Jack up immediately, carrying him through the halls of the hotel. “Of course you’d get yourself into trouble on our time off.”

“You’re warm...”

“Yeah, Jackie, I know. I’ve been the warmer of the two of us for a while. And you tried to become an ice merman, so you’re gonna be a lot colder than me.” He pushes the door open, moving inside and kicking it closed. “You’re dry?”

“They dried me off on the way back. Just cold, now.”

He moves them over to the bed, setting Jack down. “Get comfortable. Take off the rest of your clothes, and turn the heated blanket on.”

“On high?”

“On low. With you being so cold, it might hurt you.” He moves away, locking the door before taking his own clothes off.

“Gabe.”

“What?”

“Boxers.”

“Use your words.”

“Gabe...”

Gabriel chuckles, shaking his head. He leaves his own on, before getting a fresh pair for Jack. He throws them at him. “I forgot you’re a child when you’re sick.”

“I hate going to bed undressed, you know that.” He grumbles, slipping them on before shoving his previous clothes to the floor.

Gabriel walks over, crawling under the covers and pulling Jack into his arms.

“G-gabe-”

“Shh...I’ve got you, Jackie.” He holds him close, concern growing at his shivering. “You’re going to be okay. I’ve got you.”

-

Gabriel startles awake when 76 jerks in his arms. He tightens his grip, trying to figure out what’s going on.

76 cries out, shuddering and shaking.

“Shit...” He thinks quickly, cursing more under his breath. “Infection.”

His breathing picks up, cries falling to whimpers.

“...76. I think I know how to help, but-”

“Do it.” He sounds desperate. “Whatever it is, do it. Please-”

“I need you to say you trust me. It won’t be pleasant.”

“I trust you, I trust you, just fix it-”

Gabriel’s arms and hands tighten, holding 76 in place. “This is going to hurt, and I’m sorry.” He moves the hand on his torso over the bandages, claw resting over one of the worst wounds. “...You’re going to hate me.”

“Better mad than dead. Just get it over with.”

He takes a slow breath, before he presses down with the claw, cutting through the bandages and digging into the wound.

76 cries out, spasming.

“Stop, don’t move, that will make it worse.” Once the claw has dug in, smoke rolls off of him in waves, some drifting down his arm and flowing into the wound.

76 spasms again, trying to pull and squirm away.

“Stop moving and let me help you.” The smoke that remains around him coils around 76, solidifying to hold him in place. He focuses on the nanites in the wound, cursing as they push through partially healed muscle.

76 struggles, starting to panic, his fever addled mind not keeping up with what’s happening to him.

“I was right. It’s infection. Goddamn...” The nanites swarm over the infected muscle, slowly tearing it apart. “They must have pumped something into you to partially heal you up. There’s a pocket behind healed muscle that isn’t healing right.” He removes the claw, nanites flowing back to him. “It might be an issue all your wounds have.”

He gasps, spasming again.

“I’m so sorry. Hold on a bit longer. This is going to hurt.” Gabriel takes a breath, nanites flowing over 76’s body and resting above each wound. He tightens his grip on him, before piercing each wound at once.

76 screams, convulsing, continuing to panic.

“I’m sorry, just- I need a bit more time.”

“Stop- s-stop-” He gasps in pain. “Don’t- please-”

“I’m sorry-”

“Killing me- you’re-”

“I’m not, I promise I’m not- I’m killing the infection, I swear to you.”

76 slowly runs out of energy, slumping against him, whimpering at the pain that remains.

Gabriel removes the nanites once they’re finished, slowly letting him go and reforming. He pulls one of the biotic emitters from the void, setting it on the bed and activating it. “You’re going to be okay. It’s gone. You can heal now.”

76’s breaths are shallow gasps, hands still twitching, fresh blood staining the bandages.

He opens the channel again. “Som.”

“Gabe?”

“I need you. I’m out of medical supplies, he’s hurt worse than I thought.”

“Mierda.” There’s a pause. “Okay. We’ll be there soon to get you two to safety. Just hold on.”

He’s about to respond, but Sombra disconnects before he can. He sighs, looking over at 76.

The sight of the man, shivering and whimpering in pain, hurts his soul like nothing else he’s felt recently. It’s an old pain.

He picks up the spent emitter, activating the last one. “They’re coming, 76. You’re going to be okay. I promise.”

[justauthoring]

Feigning The Connection (15/?)

Prompt: You seem so invincible. But just touch you and you’ll wince. You have secrets and trust no one. You’re the perfect example of betrayal. Because anyone you’ve ever trusted broke you. Thrust into a new world, will you be able to stay alone, or will Bellamy work his way in

SEASON ONE

SEASON TWO: PART ONE - PART TWO - PART THREE - PART FOUR - PART FIVE - PART SIX

A/N: Thank you to all those that have patiently waited for me to get this up. These past couple of days have been absolutely crazy, starting from my parents to just being generally busy, to literally having no idea how to write this chapter. I really wanted to make this chapter great and I still don’t feel justified with the final product but have no idea what to add. Only I’ll get over this specific writing block but i just need to keep writing, there’s nothing else to do. Anyways, again thank you, and hope that this chapter was still good!

I hope you all enjoy this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it. Send me a little comment in the ask section or leave it below on what you thought of this chapter. It doesn’t have to be long, I appreciate every single comment I receive and telling me just helps inspire me to write it more frequently.

AGAIN, remember if you’d like me to continue this series, just leave a little comment or an ask letting me know. I will NOT continue the series if no one wants me to.

Pairing: Bellamy x Reader

Based off of: The 100 02x15 and 02x16

Warnings: mass murder 

Something you hadn’t felt in forever, was comfort. You were comfortable. There was something cushioned underneath you, and you felt safe though you weren’t sure why. Opening your eyes slowly, you blinked from the bright light above your head. Though the bright light immediately reminded you of where you were, the last time you’d seen that bright light was when the Mountain men had been taking your bone marrow. When you’d been strapped down to a metal table and a hole drilled into your leg.

Your heart immediately sped up, panic setting within you as you sat up, panting as you tried to get away. But there was one difference, no one was holding you down. Nothing was holding you down. Though in your state of terror, you did not realize the free mobility you had and shifted in your seat. You instantly regretted the fast movement, your hand falling to your side as pain shot through your body.

You sighed heavily, looking around you for the first time to notice you weren’t in the same white lab as before. You were in a completely different room, nicer looking room with decorated walls and furnisher littered the room. You continued to watch warily, despite the vacancy, it didn’t rightly settle within you that you had no idea where you were. You tried to remember how you could’ve gotten here, if Cage or one of the doctors had taken you here before it suddenly clicked. Bellamy. 

I got you.

That’s right, Bellamy... Bellamy found you. He had saved you. Which meant you needed to find him. Needed to discuss with him what was happening as he was the only one who knew. Had he managed to save your friends yet? Were they alive or dead? And why had he been in a guard uniform? Pushing forward on the couch you’d been placed on, you noticed the change of clothes. No longer were you dressed with nothing but a medical gown and rather had actual clothing on. Real, clean clothing.

Jeans that felt soft on the skin, black and easily movable within. A blue shirt that was scarce of any markings or rips. You looked down at the clean clothes in fascination. You haven’t had a clean pair of clothes since on the Ark, and though you had no idea where you’d gotten them from, you were relieved. You felt safer knowing you held actual clothing on your body and less exposed.

Hesitantly, you pushed your feet onto the ground, standing up from the bed. You wobbled on your feet, and you made the note that you hadn’t been able to walk on your own feet in days, you’ve been knocked out and then carried everywhere. Though, as you walked you felt pain shoot through you from everything you’ve suffered. You pushed yourself, forcing yourself to continue walking despite the pain. You needed to find Bellamy, you needed to.

As you walked, you allowed your gaze to fall around you and soon enough you found a mirror. Distracted, you walked towards the mirror, you hadn’t seen your own reflection since you’d been on the Ark. It had been something you’d taken for granted back then, being able to just know what you looked like on a daily occurrence. As you reached the full length mirror, you paused, your hands falling onto your shirt and fingering the material. Your hair, though rather calm, was matted and looked like it needed a good wash.

Your eyes were bloodshot, and your skin looked heavily pale. You twisted your lips in disgust, you looked frankly just unwell. Though it made sense with everything you’d been through, it didn’t help with the fact that you have never seen yourself so unhealthy looking.

Suddenly you heard some voices, and turning your head you found a door. You looked one last time at yourself before stepping away from the mirror and made your way to the door. Your hand fell onto your hip, holding it hope that it might help lessen the pain and reached your hand out, placing it on the door nob. Hesitantly, you opened the door finding a room full of people. Blinking in confusion your eyes fell on a few familiar faces. There was Fox... and Harper and Miller. These were your friends. Your friends were directly in front of you and all you could feel was absolute confusion. Seeing your friends here was the last thing you’d expected walking through that door.

“I need to go back out the-” Turning your head towards the direction of the voice, your eyes widened when you saw the familiar face of Bellamy. His gaze was turned towards you with a small, relieved smile on his face. In fact, everyones gaze was on you and your hand fell to your chest in self-comfort. Your gaze fell around you, relieved but shocked to see your friends alive and well. You’d been so worried about them, you thought you’d never see them again but here they were.

“Bellamy?” Your voice was quiet, quieter than you’d wanted it to be. Bellamy, upon your call, stood up and began making his way over to you. “You’re still too weak, Y/N. You shouldn’t be up yet.” His hands fell on your arms, helping you stand steady.

You ignored his comment, looking around you. “Where am I? What’s happening?”

“You’re safe. I have you hidden.” Bellamy explained, reassuring you with a nod. “He’s not gonna find you in here.” You paused, unsure what to say besides nodding in thanks. You smiled up at him, happy to see that Bellamy was okay and relatively not injured. Happy that your friends were here and safe. But you couldn’t hide the hesitant nature of your smile, half expecting Cage to bolt through the door and hurt you and your friends all over again. “Listen, Y/N, I need to go back out. I’ve been running undercover,” he gestured to his outfit, “and there’s still more I need to do.”

That’s why he was wearing the guard uniform. You wasted no time hesitating as you nodded; “i’ll come with you.”

Bellamy chuckled at your need to always give yourself up to help, shaking his head. “You need rest. Besides if they catch sight of you out there, they’ll know exactly who you are.” You opened your mouth to refuse, wanting to go out there. That had been the original plan, this had been why you’d run in here with him. But Bellamy stopped you, leaning forward and pressing a kiss to your forehead. You paused, unsure of how to react to such an intimate action. Especially with everyone watching, though before you could say anything he pulled away, smirking at your flushed face. 

You watched his back, his steps heavy and quick. “You better come back safe!” You called after him as he left the room. Falling silent, you turned to the crowd in front of you walking forward and greeting everyone. You smiled at everyone brightly, happy to see them alive and well before a voice caught your attention. “Is that Y/N?” You heard and turning around you found Monty. Your eyes widened with excitement and you ran forward, jumping into his arms, engulfing him in a hug.

“Monty!” You exclaimed in excitement. Monty laughed at your excitement and you responded by hugging him tighter in relief. You were so glad he was okay. He’d been one of the first people you’d really gotten to know and you hadn’t stopped worrying for him or Jasper since they’d disappeared. “Are you okay? Where’s Jasper?”

Monty’s hands fell onto your arms, steading you and you suddenly remembered your injuries. Though you ignored the pain, too eager to find out the answers to your questions. “I’m fine, but you need to keep still. You’re still too weak... And-”

“Jasper’s here.” A different voice answered and your gaze fell past Monty on Jasper. A heavy breath left you, and you laughed stepping forward over to Jasper. You embraced him tightly as well, happy to seem him well as well. Though as you pulled away, your gaze fell on to unfamiliar faces. Your heart sped up, thinking they were the Mountain men and you stepped back in fear. Jasper and Monty immediately noticed your panic and the latter grabbed onto you when you stumbled back.

“Y/N?”

“Mountain... who are they?” You asked, eyes crinkled in fear towards the two unfamiliar faces. Jasper was immediate to step in front of them, holding his hand out to you. “It’s okay!” He reassured, “they’re on our side. This is Maya and her father. They helped us, they’re the reason we’re able to hide here.”

You swallowed the lump in your throat, stepping shakily over towards them. Maya smiled kindly at you, nodding as her father smiled brightly at you. “It’s nice to meet you.” Maya greeted and then her eyes fell on the rest of your body. “I’m sorry...” You immediately knew of what she was referring to and your mouth fell open in realization.

“These are your clothes.” You stated as she nodded nervously. Stepping forward, you smiled down at her, hesitantly, and nodded.

-

You looked up at the ceiling when a beep echoed from above you. All quiet chatter in the room went silent as you looked beside you at Jasper. “My fellow citizens.” You immediately recognized the voice from above as Cage. His voice was hard to forget, his haunting voice. “This is your president speaking. I have news to share with you, that will change our lives forever. For ninety-seven years, Mount Weather has been our home. It has kept us alive, but it has also held us captive. Most of us have made peace with what we’ve had to do to survive. We’ve done things for one reason so that our people can someday return back to the ground. That day is today.”

Your heart drop at his words, already understanding what he meant. You looked over at Jasper and Monty, shaking your head as Maya stared panicked at you all. Folding your hands on your lap, you clenched them so tightly that they began to hurt but you continued to do so.

“He’s going public.” You announced. “Trying to get everyone against us.” 

“Before my friend Lorelai Tsing was murdered-”

“The doctor...” You whispered to yourself in shock. No wonder you hadn’t seen her in a while at that point, she’d been murdered. Though, strangely, you felt no remorse within you. Before the mention of someone dying would’ve upset you terribly, and you sure it still did, just not for her. 

“What are we going to do?” Jasper asked to us all.

“By the outsiders still at large in this mountain, she found a cure. It was in their bone marrow.” Unconsciously, your fingers found their way to your hip, holding it in memory of everything she’d done to you and your friends. “This has been the dream of our people since the bombs, but to reach it now, I need your help. The forty-five.. no, fort-six, we found another survivor, trouble-maker she is. The forty-six criminals that irradiated level five, killing fifteen of our people, are now keeping us from our dream. Although we’ve repaired our home, we can never replace the lives that were taken from us. And as hard as it is to believe, there are those among us who would help the people that did this, and I am speaking to you now-”

Your gaze fell on Maya and her parents, unsure of how they were reacting. You knew Jasper and the rest trusted them, but you’d only just met them. You wanted to believe they’d stay on your side, but with a public announcement like this you never knew. 

“If you truly want to end the blood treatments once and for all, then the forty-six murderers your now hiding are the key to doing that.” You took a deep breath, shaking your head. This was bad.

“You have one hour to turn them in without punishment. After that, we’ll be forced to consider you enemies of the state. I’m asking you, please do what’s right for your people, our people, so we can all take our rightful place on the ground. We’re almost home.”

Turning to look over at the newcomers, you twisted your head in question. “So what’s it gonna be?”

“Y/N!” Jasper exclaimed in indignation. You turned to him, your eyes cold. “I don’t know them like you do, yes, but I will tell you one thing I am not going back in that lab. I will die before that happens.” You declared, standing up straight. With everything you’d been through, you didn’t trust anyone except for your own people.

“It won’t come to that.” Monty reassured.

“You don’t know that. People can change their mind quick enough when tempted.” You reminded, holding your hand out before you in defence. Maya stood up herself, stepping towards you and you took a step back in fear. Sensing your discomfort, she stepped back herself, holding out her hands. “Y/N, I promise you, that I will not give you in. That will not happen.”

“We’ll see.”

-

“One! Two!”

You looked at Jasper, nodding at him and without hesitated you pushed the picture frame away, stepping out with Jasper and Maya. You had been wrong about them, not trusting them. You hadn’t known Maya had to hide along with you, you didn’t know she’d already been considered a criminal. And you definitely didn’t expect the people keeping you hidden were willing to be shot in order not to give you all up, that was why you’d stepped out to give yourself up. You weren’t going to let another innocent die.

“Wait!” You yelled, holding up your hands. “Don’t shoot!”

“Please,” Jasper pleaded beside you, “don’t. We’re here, okay? Don’t shoot them.” Jasper compromised, your gaze fell on the couple as they seemed near tears. “I’m so sorry.” The man who’d helped keep you hidden apologized, shaking his head.

“This is Tilling, found three more.” The guard reported into his walkie-talkie. You shook your head, tears brimming in your eyes. You hated your knack for wanting to save everyone, but when your gaze fell on the couple you knew why. They were in the same predicament as you, just in different circumstances. “We’re bringing them in now.” A guard walked up to you, grabbing your wrists forcefully and placing handcuffs on them. You fought him, trying to get away but he only smirked at your feeble attempts.

A sudden gunshot echoed and you jumped in shock, your gaze falling on the woman with a gapping whole in her forehead. You gasped, trying to find something to say but couldn’t. Tears welled up in your eyes, as the guard moved his gun over to the man and shot him as well. You gasped loudly, shaking in your restraints.

“Keep struggling, sweetheart, and the same will happen to you.”

-

“Maya?” You called, walking up behind her and her father. She turned upon hearing your voice and when she looked at you, your gaze fell to the ground in shame. Though you all needed to move quickly, you needed to say this just incase. “Yes?” She answered.

Swallowing the lump in your throat, you looked up into her eyes. “I’m sorry about earlier. I misjudged you.” Surprisingly, her face lit up in a smile, albeit a bit shaken, she nodded encouragingly at you. “It’s fine. I completely understand.” You nodded at her, relieved that she accepted your apology. She turned back to her father, as you all began making your way down the hall.

You paused for a moment hesitating before a hand fell on your shoulder. Turning, you found Bellamy. “You okay?” He asked, panting slightly as he stared around him cautiously. Nodding your head, you smiled up at him; “okay as i’ll ever be.”

He nodded, content with your answer as he turned back to make sure Jasper and the rest were following. “Okay, we need to get to the harvest chamber. You’ll be safer there.” You frowned in confusion, as right then that seemed almost the worst possible place you all could go when trying to get away with the Mountain Men. 

“Safe in the harvest chamber?” Jasper seemed to be thinking the same as you, as he asked just what you would’ve.

“Just trust me.” 

“Are the others there?” You asked, looking up at Bellamy and then Maya’s father. “Not yet.” Bellamy replied, shuffling with something in his jacket. 

“Monty?” Jasper asked.

“Monty’s with the other group on level three. Don’t worry, we moved him after the last sweep.” You nodded in response, glad they’d been able to get Monty out. Taking a deep breath, you prepared yourself to keep moving on. “You should go there next.” Maya’s father suggested to Bellamy, who immediately nodded.

“All right, go on. Vincent will take you.” Bellamy replied. “I won’t be long.”

“Hey!” Jasper yelled before Bellamy could stop, “i’m coming with you.” He said grabbing a gun from off the ground. Nodding to yourself, you moved around, looking for a weapon and found a gun for yourself on the ground. “Jasper.” Bellamy interrupted, shaking his head in disagreement. 

“I promised i’d protect them. That’s exactly what i’m gonna do.”

“And I promised i’d protect you.” You cut in, checking to make sure your gun had a significant amount of bullets in it. Smiling when you found a good amount, you looked up at Bellamy, smiling despite knowing this would only make him worry. “So, i’m coming with.”

You ran off with Bellamy when he reluctantly nodded, looking back at one last glance to see Maya coming. You smiled, nodding to yourself and continued running.

-

“We don’t have much time.” Bellamy grunted, opening up the air vent. You came out behind Jasper and Maya, listening closely to Bellamy’s words as you looked around a hallway you’ve never seen before. This place was bigger than you imagined, and considering you’ve been locked in one section of the place didn’t help. “The last twelve are on this level.”

“Including Monty.” Jasper panted, you nodded in his direction turning to Maya. “Which way?” You asked, watching as she raised her hand pointing down the hall in front of you. “This way.” A loud beep echoed in front of you but you barely paid attention, raising your gun in self-defence and walking forward with Bellamy. It wasn’t until Jasper left your side did you find yourself distracted, turning to find Maya still by the vent.

“Listen to me,” you heard Jasper whisper to Maya, holding out his hand in reassurance. “It’s gonna be okay. All right? You’re gonna be okay.” Your eyes softened upon his words, realization flooding within you. That’s why Jasper trusted her so much, you don’t know why you hadn’t seen it before. Smiling with a little bit of envy, you were glad Jasper had managed to find someone, and someone who was willing to go against her own people to do the right thing. “We’re not gonna let anything happen to you, are we?” Jasper asked, turning back to you and Bellamy.

You smiled nodding in confirmation as Bellamy nodded shortly, walking ahead. 

Maya’s panicked face didn’t lessen though, instead she only shook her head. “Jasper, in thirty minutes, all backup power gets diverted for species continuity. That means level five for life support and security. Radiation will seep in everywhere else. I can’t go to level five without being shot in the head.” You bit your lip, looking at Maya in sympathy as she looked only at Jasper. You couldn’t find anything to say that would offer any kind of support for the situation she was in, but that didn’t mean you didn’t feel bad for her.

“Guys, we need to keep moving.” Bellamy reminded, and you nodded walking over to where he stood. 

“We’ll get you your hazmat suit, extra oxygen, enough to last until your engineers get the power back on.” Jasper tried to think of a plan, tears welling in his eyes with desperation.

“And then what? You think Cage Wallace is gonna let me live here after that?” Maya reminded pitifully, the beep echoed again, the man’s voice sounding from above you all. You looked at Maya and Jasper in anticipation, watching as Jasper’s face twisted into anger. 

“Then we kill him.” You looked over at Jasper in shock, not expecting those words to come out of his mouth. The way you remembered him before all this was he was the type of person to fight for every other solution before it resolved to murder. Jasper nodded towards Bellamy and you watched as Bellamy nodded back, looking over at him as he shook his head at you.

A sudden scream came to your attention and you all turned down the hallway. “Monty.” Jasper whispered.

“Move! You heard him! Let’s go.” A males voice ordered and you raised your gun just in case. As you were running, Bellamy held out his hand in front of you, ordering you to slow. You listened to him, slowing down your steps as you turned back to the direction of the commotion. “Be ready for anything.” Bellamy reminded in a hush.

When you turned the corner there was a body laying on the ground in the distance. As you grew closer to the body you lowered your gun a hand falling to your mouth as the blood that surround the limp figure. Maya ran ahead, identifying the woman as “Ms. Ryan.” “She was hiding the last twelve.” Bellamy informed, and you took a deep breath. This wasn’t good. If she was here, dead, then where was the twelve?

“Where would they take them?” You asked Maya.

“It’s got to be level five.” She answered, you nodded, preparing yourself to move forward. Jasper moved towards the room, right where Bellamy was standing as he blocked him. You looked over at Maya in confusion, listening to Jasper breath heavily in panic. “Get out of my way.” He grounded out, staring directly in Bellamy’s eyes.

“Every person inside this mountain is on level five, every soldier.” Bellamy reminded. “Tell him.” Bellamy ordered Maya. You turned to Maya, not completely understanding what was going on. You figured it was because while all this was happening you’d been stuck inside a Cage.

“Jasper’s right.” Maya contradicted. “After the lockdown it’ll be impossible to get them out. It’s now or never.”

“All right-” Bellamy reluctantly agreed, “but how do we eve-” You crouched immediately when a thump sounded from behind you, raising your gun in self defence. Slowly Monty stepped out from behind the shadows, immediately falling to the ground near Ms. Ryan.

“Monty!”

“What’s wrong?” You asked, watching as his face fell in pity and despair.

“They know about the grounders.” Monty mumbled, “that’s why I hid. I-I didn’t do anything to save the others. I let them kill Ms. Ryan.”

“What do you mean they know about the grounders?”

“It was on a soldiers walkie. They’re going for the harvest chamber.” You looked over at Bellamy, remembering that that was where Vincent had taken the others from before. Your hand fell to your forehead in disbelief, every time you seemed one step ahead, you never were and the Mountain men had some kind of leverage on you. 

“If they take it, we lose everyone.” Bellamy whispered, turning to you. You nodded, grabbing ahold of his arm and running ahead.

-

Opening the door to the harvest room, you shot in, your gun raised but found yourself slowing down when no one was there. Maya ran past you, sobbing and you turned to her in alarm but your mouth fell open when you saw her father on the ground, a hole in his forehead.

Turning to Bellamy, you saw him walk ahead and quickly followed behind him. Your gaze falling on all the empty cages around, cages that had once been full of grounders. Stopping just before the ledge, you looked at the vast amount of empty cages, gun falling to your side.

“They betrayed us.” You whispered, “they’re gone!” You shouted in despair, hands falling to your head in distress. A hand fell on your wrist, pulling your hand down so Bellamy could look in you in the eye. He nodded at you, reminding you to stay calm and you nodded your head, taking a deep breath. Suddenly, you remembered when you’d been locked in one of these cages; and though it seemed like the wrong time, you needed to tell him. “I saw you.” 

“What?” Bellamy asked in confusion.

“That day when we came here and everything went wrong, I saw them hauling you out of the cage above me. I needed to stop them, I needed to help you so I tried to get them to grab me.” You explained, looking around you at the empty cages. You could hear Maya’s soft cries in the distance, Jasper trying to reassure him and you shook your head.

“Why would you do that?” Bellamy asked, shocking you. You turned to him, your mouth left open in bewilderment. “Why would you put yourself in danger like that?”

You smiled lightly, your hand hesitantly reaching forward to grab his hand. “Because I care for you. Though it did nothing, I couldn’t see you be treated like that.”

-

“Oh, Bellamy...” 

Your lips twisted into a smile, relieved to see more familiar faces. Watching with fondness, you watched how Bellamy and Octavia shared a moment, hugging each other. You walked further out, behind Monty and Jasper as Octavia greeted her friends. “I knew it,” she teased, “you two are too scrawny to drill.” Octavia joked, poking them in the stomach. Finally as they finished hugging, Octavia caught sight of you and she let out a breath.

“Y/N.” She greeted and you nodded back, smiling. You weren’t sure if you should go for the hug or not, but then suddenly Octavia beckoned you over and her arms were around you. Though you’d never been that close with her before, it felt amazing to feel the familiar warmth of a person you trusted. Pushing back from her hug, you patted her shoulder, nodding.

Maya stepped out behind you, in her hazmat suit and you immediately noticed the look of hostility on Octavia’s face. You shook her head when she looked at you, Jasper moving to defend Maya; “it’s okay, she’s with us.” 

When the excitement died down, your eyes fell on Bellamy and Clarke as they once again shared a conversation you couldn’t hear. Your eyes fell to the ground, your smile dropping slightly as you clasped your hands together in discomfort. They had every right to talk, especially in a time like this and you shouldn’t be allowing yourself to get distracted like this. But you couldn’t help but sometimes feel jealous of the bond they shared, having to co-lead together. You hadn’t really realized it until Finn’s death when Clarke became solely more focused on Bellamy.

But when you looked back up, the same look in Clarke’s eyes wasn’t there. She was distracted, upset, almost looked betrayed. And though you couldn’t blame her because if your suspicions were true, the grounder army had betrayed you all, left you in the dust. But there was more, more hurt, more feeling behind it all and it just wasn’t something you could decipher. 

Stepping behind Jasper and Monty, you allowed them to share a hug with Clarke before stepping forward yourself. She smiled upon seeing you, stepping forward and reaching out for a hug. You squeezed her tight, and even though it seemed not like the time, you whispered in her ear; “you okay?” Clarke pulled back, seemingly shocked that you would ask her that, like you’d caught her before she smiled, nodding. Her gaze fell on your bruised face and weakened body. “Are you?” 

“As good as i’ll ever be.” You responded.

A beep echoed and in alarm you turned towards Maya who was checking her suit. Jasper ran forward, “thirty minutes.” He mumbled, “that can’t be right, we just changed it.” Panicking, Jasper turned to you all, shaking his head in distress; “this is her last tank.”

“Hey, uh. We’ll find you another one.” Clarke reassured and you smiled encouragingly, your smile though faded when she shook her head. “All the supplemental oxygen supplies are on level five.”

“We’ll get you to level five then.” You declared, looking over at Jasper who nodded his head. 

“Five isn’t safe for any of us.”

“We’ll take the trash chute again.” Jasper strategized. “It’ll work.”

“To get in, maybe.” Bellamy argued, “Maya’s right. Every soldier in this mountain is on that level. We’ll never make it out.”

“We can do it.” Jasper whispered, pleadingly. “We’ll split up.” You nodded along with his plan, hoping that Bellamy would go for it so you could save Maya. You hadn’t trusted her at first, but once you realized all that she had done for your friends, she didn’t deserve to just die.

Bellamy looked at you for an answer as Octavia declared, “you guys go for Dante. We’ll help Maya.” Frowning at him, you offered an apologetic look, shaking your head and looking towards Maya. You needed to help her. You’d be much more helpful there than you’d ever be talking to Dante. Giving a reassuring smile, you nodded at his worried look. “I’ll be fine.”

“You better be.”

-

“C’mon.” Jasper rushed, helping Maya out. You stepped out after her, turning to help Octavia. “She’s out of air.” 

“First you need to close the vent.” Maya ordered and you were quick to turn, closing the vent. When you turned back around, Maya’s helmet was off and she was taking deep breaths, trying to regain herself. “Time to spare.” She gasped, and you let out a small chuckle, shaking your head.

“She’s safe. Can we go now?” Octavia rushed, looking around her for anybody coming. “It’ll be okay.” Maya reassured, and you shook your head along with him. “I’m not leaving you.” Jasper declared holding on to Maya.

“I’m not leaving either.” You smiled her way, “not now.”

“Y/N!” Octavia whispered in urgency.

��She’s alive.” You stated, shaking your head. “But she isn’t safe.” You looked over at Jasper who looked over at you thankful, you nodded, smiling. They needed your help and you definitely weren’t going to leave them alone up here. You just got your friend back, you weren’t going to just leave him because he wanted to save his girlfriend.

“Cage knows i helped you guys.” Maya panted. “He’s on level five.”

“So what do we do?” Octavia asked, looking around her.

“We kill Cage.” Your eyes widened, remembering that exact line from earlier. Looking over at Jasper, you swallowed a lump in your throat watching as Maya nodded in confirmation and Octavia declared she was in. They looked over at you and biting your lip in worry, you remembered all that he had done to you, all that he had done to your people, your friends. Nodding to yourself, you looked over at them, determine.

“I’m in.”

-

“Cage is in the dorms. They brought another group in from the Ark, more marrow. They’re not even trying to fix the dam.” Your heart dropped at the mention of another group being brought in, that could be your father. That could be Raven. Taking deep breaths to calm yourself, you tried to remain calm.

“How many soldiers were with Cage?” Jasper asked.

“Uh, six. Why?” The guard, Lee, Maya had brought in to help answered. Looking up at Jasper in question. Jasper didn’t answer, taking his gun from off his side, he looked over at Lee, “just get me close. They’ll be happy they found another eight doses. I need a-” 

Octavia stepped up, handing Jasper a knife. “Aim for the throat. Slash, don’t stab. Make it deep.” She explained, showing the movements with the knife. You bit your lip in worry, not liking the plan that would most likely get Jasper killed if he wasn’t careful. Nodding Octavia’s way, Jasper sniffled as Lee restrained his wrists with cuffs.

You sent him a smile, nodding and telling him without actually telling him he could do it. He sent you a grateful smile, turning to Maya as she made her way up to him. You couldn’t hear what they were saying but you watch with fondness and pride as they shared a moment. Who knew Jasper could be such a badass? You thought to yourself, laughing.

“I love you...” You faintly heard Jasper whisper and then he was gone, walking through the doors. You looked over at Maya, your eyes softening at her tear stricken face. Stepping forward, you placed your hand softly on her shoulder, snapping her attention over to you. You offered a small smile, hoping that would help reassure her a bit more. “He’s got this. I know Jasper, and he’s pretty tough when he puts his mind to it.”

She nodded, a silence falling over you. You figured Maya was just too nervous to respond. “Hey...” You started, “thank you for all this.” She looked over at you, finally smiling and you smiled yourself, glad that you could even break her moment of sadness for a second. Then suddenly her face fell and you turned to her concerned. 

“There was man in there.” she started. “I couldn’t stay long but I heard him screaming your name, asking where his daughter was.” Opening your mouth, you found yourself stock still. That was your father, no doubt about it and he was stuck in there in danger, asking for you. You couldn’t remember the last time your father had been so considered with your life.

You looked at the doors in hesitation.

-

There were hands on you, shoving you at the ground. You groaned in pain, trying to shove them off but they only continued to press the gun harder against the back of your skull. Panting, you swallowed, trying to hide your fear. You were sure you were gonna die. Any second now and they’d blow there gun, or maybe they’d torture you like they had for so long.

Then there groans of pain, screams of pain, you looked around you as best as you could in shock as every one of the mountain people fell to the ground in pain. The hands on you disappeared, and sitting up on your knees you watched the guards around you fall to the ground. Maya. Turning your head to the side, your gaze fell on Maya, her face red and blotching and her breath coming out in short gasps. 

You scrambled over to her, grabbing ahold of her and setting her on your lap as Octavia fell beside you. Tears welled in your eyes as a shadow loomed over you, looking up you found Jasper staring down at Maya in shock. You shook your head at him, letting Jasper grab her and hold her. “Jasper.” She gasped out, her voice rough.

You fell, sitting as you brought your knees up to your chest. “I’m here.” Jasper whispered, his lips curling in despair as tears fell from his eyes. “She was innocent.” Looking up at Jasper upon his words, you shook your head. 

“None of us is innocent.” She let out one final gasp of air, before her body gave up, becoming limp. You closed your eyes, taking a deep breath. Jasper’s cried of disbelief filling your ears. You got up slowly, tripping over yourself as Octavia ran past you. You knew where she was going, and you knew you should go but you found yourself stunned as you stared at the mass of dead bodies.

Clarke stepped past a pillar, stopping when she saw Jasper. Looking down at Maya, you shook your head. “What did you do?” Jasper sobbed, shaking his head in disbelief. 

“We had no choice.” Clarke whispered, her voice shaking.

“I was gonna kill Cage.” You looked down, watching as your hands shook before placing your head in them. You shook your head in them, images of innocent people dead around you. Maya dead. Jasper in pain. It was all too much. “If you’d just given me one more minute, it would’ve been over.”

“Jasper, they would’ve never stopped.” Bellamy suddenly spoke up. Your head snapped up upon his entrance, finding yourself shocked that he would help do this. Despite your horror you found no anger towards him, just hurt. He’d done what he had to, you knew that, and you knew you couldn’t be mad at him. But that didn’t stop you from shaking your head at him when he looked at you, tears in your eyes.

“We have to go to the dorms.” 

Bellamy stepped forward, falling still in front of you. He shook his head, opening his mouth to say something but you interrupted him; “it’s fine.” You nodded, sending a small weak smile. “It’s fine.”

-

“Raven!” Running forward, you shot through the crowd, narrowly missing everybody. You stopped just before Wick and Raven, looking over the unconscious figure of Raven. With wide eyes, you scanned her body for anymore major injuries other than what they had done to her. “Is she okay?” You asked Wick frantically, your hand falling on her face.

He nodded, though you didn’t see it only the hand that clasped around your wrist, snapping your attention to Wick. “She’s okay. She’ll be okay. Y/N, someone else wants to see you.” Wick nodded his head to the side and you followed his gaze, only to find your father looking over at you. You let out a small sob, unsure of what to do. Seeing him okay was the biggest relief, and despite everything that had happened between the two of you, he was your dad. You never even got the chance to tell him you’d been going with Bellamy to the mountain.

Without a second thought, you ran forward, ignoring the pain that shot through you, reaching him within seconds. It was just like that day he’d returned from being captured by the grounders, except this time when you threw your arms around him, he didn’t hesitate to return the hug. Instead he hugged you with such force, with warmth you’d never felt. Tears fell from your eyes, snuggling your head into his neck.

“I was so worried.” He whispered against your neck, and you didn’t even care that that was such an un-Kane thing to do. “You didn’t even tell me.”

“I’m sorry.” You sobbed. “i’m sorry.” It wasn’t hard to tell that this was more than just you not telling him about your plan, this was so much more. “I’m sorry that mom died because of me.” Hands gripped your face, pulling you back from the hug so all you could see was your fathers eyes on your own. He smiled lightly, shaking his head. “Your mother dying wasn’t your fault.” He reassured and your mouth fell open, “I never should of thrown you away like I did. I’m sorry.”

You found yourself unsure of how to reply, these words were words you never expected to hear come from your father’s lips. You just nodded, your nose scrunching up as more tears from your face. He held you, allowed you to cry, acted like the father you’d always cry about not having. Kane said the words you use to dream about hearing;

“I love you, Y/N.”

-

“Where’s she going?” You asked, walking up to Bellamy. Hearing you, his gaze fell on you, tears in his eyes. Immediately knowing that this was more than what you thought it had been, you went to walk out the gate to followed Clarke. Something was different, something was happening and you needed to stop it, but Bellamy’s arms wound around your waist. You looked over at him. “where’s she going?” You repeated, more stern.

“Clarke wants to go on her own. She needs to think things over.” He explained and you shook your head, looking over at him. Your gaze fell on the disappearing figure of Clarke, an unsettling feeling in your stomach. Stopping your struggles, you moved to stand in front of him but surprisingly he kept his hands on your waist. You ignored the intimate action, looking up at Bellamy with curiosity and a bit of fear. 

“Do you?” 

“No.” He answered almost immediately, leaving no room for questions. “I’m not leaving you. Not again.” Bellamy responded honestly, you opened your mouth to say something, your gaze falling on the arms upon your waist. He looked at you with such intensity, you were unsure of what he was going to do. Then suddenly, looking up at him you watched as his face grew closer, and then his lips were on yours. Your eyes widened, not expecting him to do such a thing, pulling back, you placed your hands against his chest, panting.

He stared at you, shocked and afraid as you practically just rejected him. “Y/N?” He mumbled, asking for an answer. With wide eyes, your gaze fell on your father, remembering how you’d just gain his trust and love. Your gaze fell on Raven, knowing that she needed you in this time. And Jasper, Bellamy was responsible for killing Jasper’s girlfriend. And you knew he didn’t mean it and you weren’t mad at him, but it wasn’t right. It didn’t feel right.

You know you’d liked him for so long now, probably even grown to love him. This was something you’d secretly wanted for so long. But it just didn’t seem like the right time. So keeping your hands against his chest, you looked up at him apologetically. “I can’t.” You shook your head, whispering so that he could almost barely hear you. “I can’t, not now. I’m sorry.”

Bellamy didn’t argue, only whispered one word; “why?”

“My dad. I just got him back. And Raven. She needs me.” 

You watched Bellamy shake his head. “I know that’s not why.” He argued, his eyes pleading for you to tell the truth. “I was so worried, when i didn’t find you in those cages I thought you were dead.” He explained, his lip curled in disappointment. Sighing, your hands fell from his chest, taking a deep breath, you steeled yourself. “You helped kill all those people, Bellamy.” Bellamy’s face fell when he heard those words, stepping back in distress. “All those innocent people and I know you had to...” Stepping back yourself, you turned towards your father, seeing him looking in your direction. “But it just isn’t the right time.” 

With that, you didn’t dare look back at Bellamy’s face. You didn’t dare look back to see the disappointment and feel your heart crush even more. Instead you walked directly forward, keeping your eyes on your father and when you reached him, you smiled lightly. “Everything okay?” He asked.

Finally, you allowed yourself to turn your head, catching sight of Bellamy looking over at you. Keeping your tears in, you nodded; “fine.”