#they made me hide everything that upset me because i never felt like they understood me

[kirbychar]

I went through my mom tag yesterday and im so upset i rlly need to talk to my parents abt things they said and didnt say to me as a kid and teen bc wtf reading this now im so upset.. she’s always been like this.. i was 14 i was 15

[marril96]

Anything for Her

Pairing: Agatha Harkness x reader

Summary: set in 1.05. You take Agatha's side when everyone turns against her.

Things have been feeling wrong since the moment you entered the cabin, and everything had turned up to eleven once the trial started and you and the rest of your makeshift coven started messing with the Ouija board.

Truly, seriously messing with it, not counting Agatha's shenanigans in pretending to be possessed by the ghost of Mrs. Hart. Sharon. Whatever the woman's name was, may she rest in peace.

Agatha had always been like that in all the years you'd known her. Masking her true feelings. Hiding behind humor for it hurt less if she put on a silly face and twisted her voice into an accent so different from her own. If she made it into a joke, people couldn't hurt her. If it was funny, she was laughing instead of crying out the tears that were always there, always threatening to spill against her wishes. For if she cried then, she could tell herself it was from the humor rather than the hurt.

A part of you was annoyed that she was pulling that shit again amidst such a serious situation. This was her trial. She should focus instead of making light of it.

But still, you understood why she did it. You felt for her.

There was nothing she could ever do that would make you hate her. Not a single thing. Annoy you to the Moon and back? Make you wish you could blast her with your magic without dying at her hands — not to hurt her, but to show her, loud and clear, she needed to cut her shit? Make you stomp your feet like her rabbit did when he was upset? Absolutely. All that and more. But hate her?

You just didn't have it in you. Not after years of pining for her.

It didn't take long for the shitstorm to escalate. One moment you were sitting around the board, going along with what you thought was another prank; not by Agatha, but rather by someone — probably Jen — trying to scare her after the stunt she'd pulled, and the next there was a loud noise and yelling and your hands shot up to your ears in a desperate attempt to shut out the chaos.

Your heart was pounding in your chest, threatening to break free. This was the real deal. The ghost, aptly proclaiming itself death, was angry. It wanted to scare, it wanted to hurt, it wanted to—

"Punish Agatha!" Jen yelled out loud, in response to Alice's question.

The noise instantly quieted. Lights stopped flickering. The tension, pressing so hard against every inch of your body, making you tremble like a frightened child, dissipated.

"Meaning, we need to…" Alice muttered, uncertain.

"Yup", Jen said, confident as ever, because of course she was. "It's how we pass the trial."

On the ground, bare and exposed, vulnerable, Agatha frowned. "Uh, I don't think so."

"And after everything she's done," Jen continued, needlessly cruel, "the lies, the cheating, the complete and utter lack of humanity."

"No. There has to be another way," Teen said.

"Right," Agatha said. "Yes."

"We could tie her up," Lilia suggested, making you flinch. You expected this kind of shit from Jen, but Lilia? The older woman never hid her dislike for Agatha, but she was always a class act. What had gotten into her?

"You're not serious," Teen protested.

Agatha was mortified. "I can't—"

"Humiliation would work, too," Alice said, shrugging.

"I mean, or we could just slit her throat," Rio said in her usual morbidly gleeful way, pointing her knife directly at Agatha.

Agatha sighed. "When people ask me why I don't have female friends…"

This was ridiculous. No, it was fucking insane. You couldn't believe your ears. Were they possessed? They had to have been. Something had to have gone wrong for this entire coven, save for Teen, turning against the one who's brought them all here in the first place.

Agatha was no saint, far from it, but she didn't deserve this. Not after what she'd done for these witches. She was kind to Lilia after her hallucination. She'd given Jen the confidence boost she'd needed. She'd made Alice realize her mother had been protecting her all along. Those weren't the actions — words — of a monster.

She could feel and protect and love all the same as they all did. All they needed to do was understand her.

Not a single one of them even tried.

At the very least Rio had an excuse. She was just… Rio. A long time ago, in a moment of vulnerability, of trust that didn't come easily to someone who'd been betrayed so many times by people she should have been able to trust, Agatha had confided in you about her ex. You understood why she was the way she was.

What was the others' excuse?

Shoving Rio away, you stepped in front of Agatha and spread your arms out, shielding her with your body. "You are not touching her."

Jen snorted. "Seriously?"

"Do I look like I'm fucking with you?" you spat, making damn sure your tone was as clear as a moonlit sky. If they wanted to hurt your friend, they would have to go through you first.

Agatha's mother had betrayed her. The coven she was born into had betrayed her. And now her second, found coven had done the same.

You weren't going to add to that tragic list.

Once upon a time, before she'd confided in you about her son and Rio, you'd told her she could trust you. That you were her friend.

You meant every single word.

"You hurt her," you said, "and I hurt you."

"Look at Agatha's little guard dog," Jen said snidely. "You've been defending her from the start."

"And you've been talking shit about her from the start, so I guess that evens out," you said.

She frowned, then went on the offensive, hitting exactly where it hurt the most. "She's never gonna be with you. You know that, right?"

You smoothed your face into a neutral expression; too late, for everyone already saw the flash of pain, of hurt on your face as soon as the words left her mouth. You swallowed, hard. Your throat burned.

You and Agatha were friends. Nothing less, and nothing more. Truth be told, you never considered yourself worthy of being anything more. She was an exceptional witch — an exceptional person. One of the best in her craft. Powerful, and charming, and confident; everything you could only ever dream of becoming. The most beautiful woman you'd ever laid your eyes on.

How could you not develop feelings for her?

"That's all this little display of bravado is about, right?" Jen said, smirking. "Everyone knows you're in love with her. You're not exactly trying to hide it."

You actually were, but clearly it was a poor attempt.

Lowering a hand, you splayed your fingers out. Sparks crackled between them, your magic begging for release. Begging for a target for your emotions were all over the place and you wanted — needed — to hurt someone and make them pay for doing this to you.

Make them pay for wanting to harm the woman you loved.

"Well, Jen," you said, not bothering to hide the threat from your voice. Making it clear it was there, "once this is all said and done, I'll still be in love with her, and you'll be dead. So, clearly, only one of us wins."

Jen was taken aback. "You would kill a sister witch for her?"

"I would kill three sister witches for her." You glared at her, then at Lilia, and finally at Alice.

Rio grinned, enjoying the show. The little shit stirrer.

"You're just like her," Jen spat.

You smiled. "Thank you."

"But we were getting along, weren't we?" Teen said, desperately trying to lower the tensions. "We were clicking. There was unity."

"Familiars don't get a vote," Jen said coldly.

You exchanged a quick glance with Agatha. It's gonna be okay, you said without a single word leaving your mouth. I got your back. I'm not gonna leave you.

She gave a small smile that told you, I know. Then, a nod. Thank you.

Jen grabbed a rope and held it up. You raised your hand, not backing down, your magic crackling, ready to hit its target.

You weren't kidding; you would kill for Agatha. You would hurt for her. You would maim for her. You would do anything to protect her.

You didn't need to be with her to have her back. Friendship was enough. Having her in your life was enough. She didn't deserve this kind of treatment. She wasn't a monster. She was just in pain. If you could ease some of it, you were more than down with that.

All of a sudden everyone turned, baffled. Agatha was gone.

The lights shut off.

Whoever the ghost was, they weren't done with you yet.

But you were ready for them. You were ready to fight for the woman you loved.

*****

Tags: @werewolfbarbie @miss-moon-guardian @hermslore @uniquelesbianidiot @natashamaximoff1 @werewolfvpire @depresseddemon22 @alsoknownasmel

[redroses07]

Promise//Sam Winchester

Sam Winchester x Fem!Reader

Summary: Sam is having doubts about reader going on hunts with him and Dean, but they finally decide to come to an agreement that will make them both happy.

Warnings: Swearing, kissing, oral (fem! receiving), fingering, subby Sam, angsty Sam, death, violence (the basics lol), mention of Jess.

WC: 1.5k

A/N: Hey guys!!!! Sam is my baby so I wanted to write something for him! Anyways I really like this fic and plot so I hope y’all enjoy it too! love y’all ♡

Sam was always hesitant to take you on hunts, after all you only knew about the business because of him.

Sure there were parts of his job that were rewarding, which made it worthwhile; but there were also parts that he resented. Such as the constant danger, the danger that he tried his best to keep you away from. His worst fear was you ending up like Jess…and that it would all be his fault.

At first you were content with staying behind while Sam and Dean did their thing. But as you learned more about what they did, you grew tired of the lonely hotel rooms. You became restless every time they left, unable to sit back while your boyfriend subjected himself to such horrors.

This is what prompted the argument the two of you were currently having.

“Sam, please let me come just this once!” you retorted.

“I want to be there, I understood at first, but I know what I’m getting myself into now!”

“I’m prepared, you and Dean have taught me everything you know.”

Sam pressed his fingers to his furrowed brow, frustrated.

You could see you were upsetting him, but did he really think you would never have to have this conversation?

“Jesus, Sammy! Let her go, we need an extra pair of hands anyways.” Dean argued, rolling his eyes at his brother.

“I said No!” Sam snapped.

Sam turned around and sat on the edge of the bed, letting his head fall into his hands.

You gave Dean a look, as if to say ‘get out, we need some privacy’.

Surprisingly, he understood.

“I’ll be in the Impala, y’all let me know when you’re ready so we can get to work.”

Dean gave you a nod as he walked out the door, swiftly shutting it behind him.

You took a deep breath, gathering your thoughts.

This was a sensitive subject for Sam, you had to remember, and one that came from a place of love.

“Sammy, love, I know you’re worried, but think of everything you and Dean have survived. Why would I be any different?” You spoke softly, almost as if you were afraid someone might hear.

Sam looked up, his eyes tinged with red, and tears forming around the rim. It was a look of loneliness, of longing, and you knew he needed you the most in this moment.

You walked over to him. You remained standing while he continued to sit.

Sam leaned his head against your stomach.

You could feel his short breaths through your thin shirt, and you knew he was fighting tears. Vulnerability was hard for Sam, and you wanted to do everything possible to make him comfortable.

You wrapped your arms around his head, pulling him even closer. You traced your fingers through his messy, yet soft, brown locks.

Sam sniffled, and you knew by the wet spots you felt on your shirt that he has finally let the tears fall.

You finally decided to sit down, bringing Sam's head up to your shoulder as you did.

"I love you, you know that's why this is so hard for me right?" Sam said finally.

He lifted his head off of you in order to look you in the eye. His bangs hung loosely in front of his face, almost as if they were trying to hide his sad eyes.

"Baby, I know, but you can't let fear control our lives." You moved his hair out of his eyes, and cupped his face with your hands.

Sam nodded as he sank into your touch.

"I know...but I guess, I guess I don't know how."

"How about I promise you this."

Sam looked at you in curiosity.

"You let me come along, but when something becomes too dangerous, you say the word and I'll step to the side."

Sam thought about it for a moment, running a hand through his hair as he did.

"Okay, but you can't let your stubbornness get in the way."

You gasped playfully.

"Sam Winchester I can't believe you're calling me stubborn!"

The two of you shared a moment of laughter before the heavy reality settled in.

"I promise." You pressed your forehead to Sam's as a way to seal the promise, your personal spin on a pinky swear.

Only then did you notice the tension between the two of you, and the urge to feel his lips on yours.

Sam pressed a finger to your lips, his warmth seeping into the soft flesh. You took it in your mouth, running tongue and teeth over it, tasting him.

Sam was the one to break the invisible barrier between the two of you, smashing his lips against yours.

It was a hungry, fiery, passionate kiss. You couldn’t remember the last time you two had shared one like it.

Sam pushed you back, your head hitting the crappy motel mattress. You didn’t care. You needed him, to feel him everywhere all at once.

You gasped as Sam finally removed his lips from yours, but only to move down to your neck and collarbone.

Sam’s hands snaked down your body, reaching your hips and eventually the rim of your jeans.

“Wanna make you feel good, baby.” Sam said breathlessly as he began to fool with the button.

“Aww you don’t have to, you’ve already made me feel so good.” You replied softly.

“Well then I wanna make you feel better than good.” Sam mumbled as he pulled your jeans off your hips. Now there was no way to hide how soaked you were.

Sam gave you a knowing look before removing your panties.

He wasted no time getting to work, shoving two of his fingers deep inside you. He always knew exactly where to put them, hitting that spot that made you roll your hips into him.

“Jesus.” You gasped, the sudden wave of pleasure was almost unbearable.

Sam pumped his fingers in and out of you, and you were surprised by how fast you were reaching your high.

Sure, it had been a while, especially since Sam had been so busy recently; but you didn’t realize how much you had missed this until now.

Sam pulled his fingers out, licking the remnants off.

That must have made him want more because he immediately shoved his face into your pussy.

Sam licked up your wetness before moving to circle his tongue around your clit.

You moaned loudly and reached your hands out to tangle them in his. You pulled softly, giving you something else to focus on other than the fact that you wanted to scream out in pleasure.

“You’re doing so good baby.” You mumbled, making sure he received some much earned praise.

You were so close to your climax when you heard the door swing open.

You knew it was Dean before you even saw him, and you rolled over quickly shoving Sam off of you.

“Jesus Christ. Put your Goddamn clothes on and get your asses in the car.” Dean shouted before slamming the door.

You stopped scrambling to get dressed and let your heads fall into your hands with embarrassment.

“Don’t be embarrassed, I’ve walked in on him in much worse positions.” Sam laughed.

“One time when-“

You cut him off.

“I’m gonna stop you right there because I would prefer not to learn about your brothers extra curricular activities.”

You shared a moment of laughter before you stood up and finished putting your clothes on.

“I’m glad we had this talk.” Sam pulled you into his chest and kissed you on the forehead.

“Are you sure it was the talking part you liked?” You looked up at him.

He eyed you suspiciously as if to say “you know what I meant.”

You responded by giving him a quick peck on the lips, deciding not to think about the fact that you could still taste yourself on him.

“Let’s go before Dean kills us.”

You grabbed Sam’s hand and dragged him behind you, still ever intent upon keeping your promise.

[charliedawn]

Hi! I liked your fic with Ultron, I was glad to know that you are writing for him. If everything is fine, may I request a continuation of "How would they react if you were to marry someone else?", but with Ultron?

I decided to add Venom, Otto and Norman because...I love villains. 😂

"So...You chose him ?", Ultron asked before giving a disdainful glance at your partner.

He was unworthy of you. A fleshing. A nothing. You had been created for him. And yet, you had chosen an Earthling as your spouse. How shameful...And how wrong of you.

"You will come to regret your decision...", he warned you—but you shrugged.

"You never even tried to love me. He does."

He restrained a mocking laugh at your claim before his red eyes stared at you and you gritted your teeth at his mocking expression.

"And you do ?"

A shiver ran down your spine and you tried to appear confident as you took a step forward, red eyes meeting red eyes.

"I will marry him. And there's nothing you can do to stop me.", you told him with a serious expression. But, Ultron wasn't convinced. He huffed a laugh before taking another step forward, so you had to crane your neck up to even see his expression.

"Don't. Test me.", he said in a low and threatening voice and you knew he would kill everyone in the room if you kept pushing. You hadn't even invited him. He had decided to stride in and ruin everything—like always. He had made so much ruckus that you hadn't even succeeded in uttering the two important words to seal the marriage.

You wanted to escape fate. But, Ultron wasn't going to let you go so easily. You knew that. And yet...You wanted to try. You turned back towards the priest and opened your mouth.

"I..." Before you could even say I Do, he had covered your mouth to muffle any other sound you might be willing to make. He then took your soon-to-be husband by the throat and grinned at the terror in your eyes.

"The only one who you will ever be able to say 'I do' to, will be me...Understood ?"

Your eyes watered and you nodded begrudgingly. You had no choice. Maybe Ultron had been relieved of any ounce of humanity he ever had, but you hadn't. He smirked and released your husband's windpipe, only to use a metallic claw to pin the priest to his altar.

"Now...I want us to make it official. Come on, darling...", he leaned forward and chuckled darkly in your ear. "~Say yes."

"EDDIE ! Y/N IS GETTING MARRIED !"

Eddie ignored Venom. He didn't have the energy to talk right now. He just wanted to go and crawl to die in a hole. He wanted to drown his sorrow in chocolate sirup and burgers. But, Venom wouldn't let him.

Venom appeared into view and threw the bag of nachos he had in hand to the floor.

"EDDIE !"

Eddie finally raised his eyes to look at the gooey creature before him with an emotionless expression, and even Venom was surprised by the lack of reaction of his vessel.

"What ?", he asked with an unreadable expression and Venom knew at that moment that Eddie was in no playing mood.

"...Are you...Are you really going to let it happen ?", the entity asked with a little hesitancy before staring at his human vessel with something akin to worry.

Venom had never sounded or looked so small...His head peaked from underneath his coat and Eddie's jaw twitched. It seemed that even Venom could feel the storm brewing within him. He had never felt Eddie so upset, and it worried him.

You used to always be there to keep his emotions in check, but Eddie had pushed you away by hiding his feelings from you.

And now ? He had no idea what to do. One side of him was telling him to leave you alone. The other was screaming to be let out and stop what was about to happen before it was too late.

"What are we going to do, Eddie ?", Venom insisted and for the first time, it was Eddie who summoned him—covering his body and leaning into his strength as he all but growled out.

"Bring back our happiness..."

Eddie then jumped out the window and ran with the invitation he had received that very morning in his hand. He wouldn't pass out on another opportunity to be happy. Not this time.

"...Y/N ?"

You looked at the aisle and was surprised to find your ex-husband standing there—shocked. You stared at each other for a few seconds before you had the strength to utter the name you had spent years trying to forget.

"...Norman ?", you replied—dumbfounded.

He had died 5 years ago...What was he doing here ? He looked at you and one of his old coworkers who was now holding your hand before an upset frown appeared on his face.

"You...You're marrying him ?"

"It's been five years, Norman...Five years of lonely nights. Five years of emptiness. Five years of nothing but coldness.", you tried to explain and let go of your soon-to-be husband.

Norman's eyes softened a bit as he took a step forward, but realized then that you weren't alone and everyone in the church was shocked to see him there. He had heard of the ceremony as he was walking by and thought that seeing him would change your mind. But, no. He now realized he was the one who had abandoned you. He was the one who had left you and there was things he couldn't take back.

He smiled and nodded before taking a seat and gesturing for the priest to go on.

"I won't say anything more. Proceed."

Norman stared fixedly at you and knew...He knew you still loved him by the way your fingers tightened around the bouquet in your hands and how your eyes watered underneath the veil. It was his sadistic side that made him wait, made him challenge you by his sole presence.

'Come on, Y/N. You can fool yourself. But, not me.', he thought before counting the seconds until the bouquet of flowers fell to the floor and you embraced him.

It was weakness. You knew as such. But, you couldn't stay away from Norman.

"Do you have anything to say ?", you asked after Otto entered your bedroom the night before your wedding. You looked mindlessly at the city beneath you and did your best not to look at him.

"No. I understand.", he said while shaking his head and you sighed.

"Wrong answer, Otto."

Your eyes were watery and you wondered if Otto had ever not been selfish in his life ? He had went on his silly revenge quest, leaving you behind as if it meant nothing. You were supposed to marry. And he had the audacity to show up the night before and try to tell you that he supported your decision ? He shouldn't have to. He should have been here when you needed him.

Five years.

Five years of waiting, only for him to return and dare pretend to know what it felt like.

You gritted your teeth and threw the nearest glass at his face, a glass he easily caught and set aside with a sorrowful expression.

"YOU LEFT ME, COWARD !"

He didn't even flinch as you started punching his chest and screaming. He was gone. You had mourned him. All that for nothing...You finally rested your forehead against his chest and whimpered.

"I love you...And you left me."

Otto's arms wrapped around you as a shushed you softly.

"I know. I know...But, I promise. It won't happen again."

You let out a shaky breath and shook your head. The man you loved had come back, but at what price ? He wanted you to trust him. But, was it really worth it ?

You looked up and couldn't help but smile up at Otto and he smiled back before leaning forward to kiss you softly. And you let him.

Because no matter how much you wanted to hate him, your heart still belonged to him...

[damiansgoodgirll]

angst with the judgment day please?

i wasn’t sure if i was gonna post this, i was in a really bad place (and still i am), this is very personal to me, but i honestly spent too many hours writing and crying over this, so grab a tissue and enjoy.

‼️ mention of depression, anxiety, insomnia and panic attacks

the judgment day x reader

don’t push us away

“don’t do this…” rhea begged you with tears spilling from her eyes.

“do what?” you asked, pretending to not know what she was referring to.

“don’t push us away…don’t push me away, don’t do this…please” you hated the way she and the whole judgment day were concerned for you, you hated the way you were causing them pain but you just couldn’t help feel that way.

“i don’t know what you’re talking about” you said. you never had been good with feelings, everything that happened in your life, you just pretended it never happened because you couldn’t talk about it.

your parents never really cared about you, sure they loved you and they still do but they never really understood you and they never will. your friends, no matter how amazing they were, they just couldn’t understand what you went through and it didn’t care how many times you tried to tell them, they really didn’t care.

so you ended up alone, alone with yourself, with your thoughts. alone, drowning in your own tears.

alone, with your mind. the same mind that always blamed you for everything that happened, even if it wasn’t really your fault.

then, growing up, the people you called friends, started ignoring you and leaving you behind, only reaching out to you when you achieved the success they couldn’t have.

and in those years, you learnt how to never count on other people.

something changed when you joined the judgment day. you saw how close they were and you thought you would just ruin their friendship, because in that moment you were like a stranger, an outsider. but they all made you feel welcomed and you couldn’t be more grateful for.

you tried to hide your depression, the panic attacks you got when you were all touring together, the anxiety eating you alive and the amount of sleepless nights you’ve spent. you always said you were okay and they all believed it, at first.

but then, rhea and the rest of the team noticed something shifting in you. the way you were tired all the time, the way you never wanted to talk to anyone, the way your text messages were only like “okay” “yes” “no”, the way you almost didn’t care about anything at all, like you were thoughtless.

in reality you were just dying inside but you didn’t want people to see that, you couldn’t handle the disappointment they would have in you.

“you keep pushing me, us away and we don’t know what to do to help you…let us help you, please sweetheart” rhea said, her face covered with tears while you were trying to hold back yours.

“i don’t need your help rhea, i’m fine” you stated.

“but you’re not” damian stood up from his chair “you’re not fine and we can see it, we would really like to help you”

“i know it’s hard but-…” dominik started talking.

“you know shit dom! stop fucking talking! i’m fine and i don’t need anybody’s help, why can’t you fucking let it go?” you ended up screaming.

of course you weren’t fine. but you definitely weren’t going to talk to them about what was making upset.

they were taken back from your behaviour. you were the calm type, never screaming and always composed.

“just talk to us…” finn spoke quietly. he immediately felt a wave of protection from the first time he met you. maybe it was because you were the youngest member of the group, and he almost felt like a father toward you so it was killing him seeing you like that.

“i’d rather go home, thanks” you said sarcastically.

they knew you were in pain, they just didn’t know what to do.

“we care about you…” finn almost begged you.

“no you don’t! don’t pretend you do cause no one ever did care about me! i don’t need you to pity me…i just, i don’t need you” you said. you really didn’t mean it in that way, but you have trusted so many people in your life and they always ended up with breaking your trust in and you didn’t want to make that mistake again.

but you were so close to break down and you didn’t want to do it in front of them.

“we’re not pitying you…we are your friends and we are worried, please” finn looked at you and you knew you couldn’t lie to him.

a few tears fell from your eyes but you were quick to wipe them away.

“let us in…” finn grabbed your hand.

“why? so you could use everything i have to say against me when you’ll be mad?”

“we will never do that y/n…” rhea spoke.

“everybody said so..then i ended up fucking alone” you said.

“we’re not everybody, we are your friends, we are your family…we care about you more than you could ever imagine…” damian said, helping you sit down on the small leather couch.

“i’m not good with this…talking about feelings and traumas and stuff…i’m not good and no one really cared so why should i start now?” you whispered.

“because whatever you’re going through, we are here for you…” rhea said kneeling in front of you.

you thought for a moment. you felt like you were going to explode at any minute and you needed to get everything off of your chest. you just didn’t know how, because every time you talked about something personal you always ended up joking about it, knowing it would make it less awkward for you.

“it started everything when i was a teen, around fourteen…you had no idea how hard was growing up knowing that you were invisible, knowing that no one cared about you. knowing that you had your five or six friends but also knowing that they wouldn’t really care about you…it’s been hard, still it is…i’ve always been there for every single one of them, always and when i needed them the most they just left…” you began explaining and the team listened carefully “so i started counting on myself and myself only but then it became tiring…knowing that i was fucking alone all the single time, i couldn’t handle it…i just i couldn’t…so i tried to make it stop, but it definitely didn’t work since i’m still here…” you joked, even if you knew it wasn’t the best time to joke about it “anyway i’ve spent so many sleepless nights wishing i could sleep forever and never wake up again…and the days and years i’ve spent hurting myself, thinking it could change something, i just hurt myself even more…and then things happened, things that i didn’t want to happen, situations where i couldn’t say no even if i wanted…and i’ve spent so many years blaming me and i still do…with the years going by everything became too much…my therapist told me to talk about it with someone i really cared, and when i tried, those people went to ignore me…i just, i made it so good all alone and but the same time i just fucking hate being alone all the time!” you ended up crying in damian’s arms. you didn’t even realise how curled up close to his body you were.

his hands were gently stroking your back, almost in a reassuring way.

your confession shocked them but they knew you needed them and they didn’t want to leave you alone.

“i’m so sorry you’ve been into all of those things y/n…i can’t imagine how painful it must have been, i wish i could have helped you before…” finn wiped his tears away and grabbed your hands.

“thank you for telling us…i know it’s hard but we’re gonna help you healing…we’re here for you sweetheart…and we’re glad you opened up with us, we’re gonna be with you, anytime you need us, if you want to talk or if you just want to watch a movie or stay in silent all night, we’re gonna be there, i promise you, you don’t have to do this alone” rhea hugged you and you ended up crying in her arms.

“thank you…” you whispered.

they all agreed with rhea, letting you know that maybe for the first in your life, you didn’t have to go through all of the pain alone.

[rosenotactuallyquartz]

Who's your fav character of su?

my top three favourite steven universe characters

(because three are particularly special to me)

pearl

i’d use the favourite character label for pearl because of how much i admire her. being there for steven through his personal trauma. giving connie + steven support that she + rose never had while also learning from them. she has to work through her flaws, trauma, grieving the loss of the love of her life, never having a childhood, struggles with understanding humans so that she can properly care for a human child. but she loves so strongly and that helps her significantly. she loves him just as rose would have loved her son. steven always says things like, “pearl is smart and she’s always trying to protect me from danger!”

gosh, i love everything about pearl as a rebel against homeworld. homeworld says that pearls are inferior gems with irrelevant feelings—sugar writes in end of an era that rose fell in love with certain aspects of pearl’s personality, one of her main traits being how fiercely opinionated she is. homeworld says that pearls are not built to fight, pearl learns sword fighting for a war against homeworld gems who were supposedly built for fighting. she’s incredible and garnet’s first impression of pearl is “terrifying renegade.” homeworld says that pearls are made to serve, to simply stand there and follow orders from a superior who they don’t have a personal connection with. once they’re on earth & pearl can be who she is, she not only has her own personality but she’s able to fall in love and form a meaningful relationship. she wants to take care of her, keep her safe, make her happy. but she won’t do anything for her in some shallow, traumatizing homeworld way that involves her standing there & looking pretty & following orders. no, she’ll fight for her, she’ll be her knight because that’s the kind of personality she has. that’s the kind of love she has for her, it’s protective, caring, and bold rather than pure worship, feeling weaker than her, & timidity. it’s not always easy, and she has to work on complex trauma from homeworld (i.e., overprotective mixed with difficulties grasping that rose loves her for simply being herself and not because of the things she’s doing for her) but she makes progress and her growth is continuous, from flashbacks to the final episode.

in sworn to the sword, she has a memory in which she saves rose at the very last moment from a homeworld gem who’s supposedly “built for fighting.” she doesn’t even focus on how powerful she is in that memory, because all she’s thinking about is how scared she was for rose & the relief she felt when she was saved. she’s so smart & empathetic, so you can tell that she really cared about rose’s abuse trauma and the pain she tried to hide. by then, she is understanding humans more and therefore she only tells steven a little bit (i.e., having her feelings invalidated & being pushed to continue when she was upset that her colony would hurt living things in now we’re only falling apart), knowing that too much detail would be too scary for a child.

she also has lovely outfits (especially her outfit with the legwarmers) & songs. she can be so comforting & nurturing, yet so fierce & protective. which is great for both rose & steven.

rose

i’d use the comfort character label for rose because of how much i relate to her. our personalities, our views, the things we’ve been through, & some other more personal things. just a little tip for anyone who reads this: if you struggle with sympathizing with yourself, sometimes looking at a character you love & relate to is helpful! i have so much empathy for rose, and then i think, wait, but i’m so much like that. as a bi & poly girl, i feel so understood by her story in that way, too.

like pearl, she’s a complex and flawed character. she genuinely believed all life was precious, urged the crystal gems to protect even humans they didn't understand, and never wanted to shatter anyone. she saw beauty in everything but couldn’t apply that to herself—she couldn't forgive or love herself, or see the beauty pearl saw in her. it’s heartbreaking that pearl always tells others how much rose cared about all life, knowing rose’s only exception was rose herself.

while that’s not as comforting, it’s meaningful. you learn a lot from it. onto nicer things.

she’s also comforting because she’s so endearing to me. she says the most adorable things, has the cutest facial expressions, everything.

she’s associated with other things that bring me comfort; my favourite colour is pink, i love animals & she has a bunch of lion friends. i loved princesses & fairytales as a child & she gives me nostalgia with her healing powers & other princess traits. my four-year-old self watched princesses who did everything right, did no wrong, were loved by everyone. straight with one specific body type. i couldn’t quite relate to them, & of course i wanted to be a princess. but rose! she’s sapphic & chubby & she fights with her knight who uses she/her pronouns & she makes mistakes & has mental health issues & is disliked by some. i can’t even begin to explain how refreshing that is. she’s unique, realistic, relatable, different from the stereotypes, complicated, & just as beautiful (if not, more) as any princess that i loved growing up. her story with pearl has so many fairytale features & yet it’s so complex, which is really cool.

connie

connie is my third favourite character, and she is relatable in some ways as well as admirable. she resonates with me because of how i was growing up. so, she gives me some comforting childhood nostalgia too. overachiever, “gifted,” shy. i empathize with her so much & i love watching her character development.

connie + steven are different from other kids. connie is super smart & mature & quite anxious, while steven’s a gem with some really traumatic experiences. their closeness is so meaningful. they grow together while they enjoy being kids & making childhood memories together. connie also reminds me of how pearl would be if she was a kid who grew up in beach city. i could say the same about rose with steven, and i love the parallels. the kindergarten scene in now we’re only falling apart particularly made me notice the similarities in their personalities and the way they interact. like pearl, she starts off being nervous, following all rules. she’s seen as inferior to homeworld. that doesn’t matter, because her best friend & eventual love interest admires her even though he is a diamond who lives on earth as a quartz. he’s more playful, & their contrasting personalities are good for them.

i love how caring she is. she doesn’t understand everything about gems, and she’s a kid! of course it’s confusing and distressing. but connie never runs the other way when things come up because she knows this is confusing and distressing for steven, too. i love when she says, “i want to be part of your universe.” she always knows when she needs to check on steven, talk to him about difficult things, reassure him, & she even trains with pearl so that she can protect steven and the earth. her courage and determination amazes me, too. she sees the gems summon their weapons, resurrect, heal, see the future. she’s human, but she doesn’t let that phase her. she learns to fight and she’s incredible at it. she has so much empathy that she can truly put herself in other people’s shoes, ask them meaningful questions. she’s just a wonderful person.

if i made a top ten list, you’d also see steven, amethyst, garnet, ruby, sapphire, pink pearl, & blue pearl. there’s even more characters i love after that, but yes! i don’t know how to end this! bye, i suppose!

[spectrechosts]

Better Off Alone - Chapter 7

Lunaeris is already having a bad day, and it only gets worse from there.

Full Series

Kallixenia stirred with a groan.

A dull ache radiated through her chest, but she was alive. With bleary eyes she surveyed her surroundings, finding herself in a tranquil recovery room. A healer came to check on her, and out of the corner of her eye she could see Lunaeris, perched in a chair with her nose buried in a book. The princess made no indication that she had noticed her awaken, but at no point during the healer's examination did she turn a page.

The healer poked and prodded at her, examined her scar, dressed it with a poultice wrap, and then with a nervous glance at the Princess announced to nobody in particular that she needed to fetch some supplies and would be leaving them for about five minutes.

Kallixenia didn't know what to say, left alone with her beloved. She had hoped, foolishly, that Lunaeris would never have to know the details of her oath.

"Princess-" She croaked, her throat sore.

Lunaeris slammed her book shut loudly.

"Princess!?" She replied, her voice cracked and shrill. "You call me Princess, after everything?"

"I know you must be upset-"

"There are no words that describe the depth of my fury, my knight!" Lunaeris all but shrieked. "I would kill you myself, if I thought I could bear living without you! How long?"

It pained her to have hurt her beloved so.

"Since the moment I swore my oaths to you, Princess."

"I have a name!" She choked. "I thought you of all people understood! And then I find that this whole time, you've, you've-"

Lunaeris' hands were balled at her sides in rage as tears streamed down her face. She struggled to speak through her overwhelming emotions.

"You've placed your life beneath mine, in this way. I thought- You know, you know I don't like when you treat me as your better!"

"I know. I'm sorry, Lunaeris."

"How do I stop it?"

"You can't, Lunaeris. Only I can end my oath."

"Well, end it!"

"I will not. I'm sorry."

"Gods damn you, GODS DAMN YOU KALLIE YOU STOP THIS RIGHT NOW!" The Princess shrieked.

"No. I will not see my beloved die when I could prevent it."

It was precisely because Lunaeris wasn't just the Princess that she couldn't release her oath now. She had no regrets, giving her life for the one she loved, and she would have no regrets doing so again.

"And so you would force me to?"

"…I suppose I am selfish, in this way. Forgive me, Lunaeris."

"Fucker." The Princess swore. "You oafish, inconsiderate-"

It was at this moment the healer returned, to the Princess sobbing and cursing her knight. She looked quite unhappy to be the one who had to interrupt this.

"Princess?" She said.

"WHAT?!"

"I-I'm sorry, but your father wants to see you."

"Fine." Lunaeris spat. "I was just leaving."

~

Lunaeris was a mess.

She was happy, she was so happy Kallixenia was okay, and she yelled at her, and she made a scene, and she stormed out letting her think she hated her.

Why couldn't Kallixenia just understand that a life without her was no life at all? That maybe she thought her life was more valuable than her own?

It wasn't fucking fair. To force this upon her and not even tell her. She had been sick, when her father tried to explain to her that this was simply a part of Kallie's duty.

To- To die for her. The most insignificant royal in the kingdom, and it was so obvious to Kallie that her life simply mattered less that she hadn't even mentioned it.

It was all such fucking shit.

Her heart was a pyre. She couldn't even try to hide her emotions anymore. She openly wept as she stomped her way to the throne room.

The King, of course, intercepted her, because he couldn't fucking trust her to make it there on his schedule.

"Lunaeris! Oh, oh Lunaeris." He said, throwing his arm around her and guiding her to the throne room. "I know, it must all be so frightening for you."

She felt she might be sick again. Never had it been so apparent that her father just, fundamentally didn't understand her as a person.

"But worry no more!" He said, triumphantly. "Your hero has arrived!"

She stopped dead in her tracks.

"…No."

"…Yes? He's waiting in the throne room now, if you'll just-"

"No, no, no!" She cried, shaking her head. "I already have a hero, Kallie-"

"Kallie?"

"Yes, she-"

"Who's Kallie?"

"My knight!?" Lunaeris said, appalled.

"Oh, my sweet daughter. I know she saved you, I mean the prophecised hero."

"I know what you mean!" She shrieked.

"Now now, there's no need to yell." Her father chided.

"I, we-"

She couldn't breathe. This was too much.

"She- And-" She choked out between sobs. "I-I made the sword for her!" Was all the explanation she could manage.

The King sighed.

"Lunaeris, I know you're at that age where you think you're cleverer than everyone, but you can't just decide how a prophecy is going to play out. Come, let me introduce you to the hero."

Lunaeris was beyond words, her sorrows escaped her lungs in a horrible wail. She couldn't accept this fate. She would rather die.

The King ushered her into the throne room, and she discovered she wasn't beyond words after all.

"YOU!!!" She shrieked, seeing the figure she had seen in the smoke of her would-be assassin's charred body just standing there like he belonged.

"Hello, Princess. I'm here to protect-" He said, oozing smugness.

"BASTARD! DEMON! FUCKER! I'LL KILL YOU!!!" She screeched, her mana reserves bursting into flame before she could even begin to cast a spell.

"Lunaeris! What's gotten into you?!" The King gasped, the royal guards restraining her as torrents of flame spewed from her mouth, scorching her surroundings. "I-I'm terribly sorry, you have to understand she's had quite a stressful time of late-"

"-I'LL RIP YOUR HEAD OFF AND SHIT DOWN YOUR THROAT FUCKING LET GO OF ME-"

"I understand, highness. The Demon King could be anywhere, it must be terrifying." The Demon King said, keeping his eyes locked on Lunaeris'

"-YOU'RE THE DEMON KING YOU SON OF A GODS DAMNED BITCH DON'T TAUNT ME-"

They didn't believe her. He was right fucking there and they didn't believe her because she was just the Princess, she's fragile, she's hysterical from the stress.

She howled, venting her frustrations in a gout of white-hot flame that etched her discontentment into the very stone of the castle, melting a wide trough in front of her into bubbling magma.

The room was silent. Even the Demon King seemed intimidated by the display.

She coughed, cinders scattering on her breath.

And then she blacked out.

[littledollll]

Hey...sorry it's me again, but since you write for wanda, can I maybe request something with a fem reader where there's a little bit of mindfuckery going on? Basically reader wakes up in some sort of new reality, in a bed made for two rather than one, blinds to let the sunlight in rather than curtains to keep everyone and everything out, but they don't really question it because it almost doesn't feel real? Kinda like a dream? And suddenly they have a girlfriend, Wanda, who dotes on them, snuggles them in bed, watches sitcoms with them, somehow knows all their skeletons in the closet (mind reading hehe) and lets them curl up on her chest and cry it out as she soothes them, makes them snacks, helps them do basic tasks when they're (super) depressed. Unbeknownst to reader, Wanda has actually torn apart the multiverse to be with them once again after having already lost them in another??? I'm sorry if this is way too much

-🧸 anon (loves you)

Mastermind

Wanda Maximoff x reader

A/n: im so behind on requests im trying believe me! Writing is getting hard :/ but! this was so fucking nice to write, yk that random motivation. when I tell u it just came to me and I couldn’t stop writing- I love love love Wanda, specially her being rly soft and lovey:( ty for your request hun.

Warnings: kinda manipulation? Hex pt.2, slightly suggestive if you squint, lots and lots of soft kisses, mentions of r struggling with anxiety and depressive episodes, lots of comfort, mostly narrated.

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

A kiss. It was so soft. Intoxicatingly so. Her gentle hands cupping your face, the comforting weight of her straddling your lap made you feel grounded, and so safe. You whimpered when she parted from you, nuzzling into her chest while your arms wrapped around her. “My sweet little darling.. oh how I love you.” She whispered, her hands brushing your hair back and away from your face.

You didn’t know where this came from. Some day long ago you simply woke up and there she was. Wanda. You had a whole life with her. And somewhere between the fuzziness you remembered it all. How you met, everything from your first conversation to your first time. Your life before you got married, how you moved in together before then, and how your family disapproved of it. And god. That perfect wedding. The happiest day of your life, when it all finally came together for you, this was it. The stars aligned and have you this, gave you her.

In some part of your mind you didn’t know this woman, but at the same time you always had. You knew everything about her and she knew everything about you. Every little thing. You couldn’t bother to question it, if it was a dream then so be it, it was such a lovely dream, everything you could possibly ever want was right here. A beautiful and kind woman, with so much love and comfort to give. Wanda understood you, she allowed you to feel and cry but never alone, she was right here through it all. Allowing you to hide against her chest and pet your hair when you cried, telling you the most reassuring words, ensuring your comfort at all times.

It wasn’t a one time thing, you quickly noticed. Every day felt like a movie, every day she was the perfect woman, and she was yours. You’d watch tv together, listen to music and dance your hearts out.

Your favorite part was the cooking. Just like you were now. Both hands wrapped around her torso as you hugged her from behind, your girl, your wife. She let out an adorable giggle when you nuzzled into her neck and squeezed her tight.

“Are you planning an staying there the whole time darling or would you bother to help me out with our dinner.” She teased, her tone was scolding but so obviously not genuinely upset.

“m okay right here, my love.” Almost as if on queue the tv switched to play one of your favorite songs. You swayed with Wanda, holding her impossibly close and effectively preventing her from getting any actual cooking done which she was quick to scold you about yet again.

“If you want dinner you need to let me cook, dear.” You ignored her, sighing contently against her neck and closing your eyes. “Just gimme a minute to love on you, nothing wrong with giving my wife a little affection.” She let you. Her own arms coming to hug around yours, a bright smile painted on her face. She always looked so happy with you, even more so. It’s like all her energy recharged when you did little things like this, and the second you noticed you started doing it non-stop.

Wanda always gave you so much. She gave you her everything. The least you could do was give her these moments, ones where she took a deep breath and let her head lull to your shoulder, eyes blissfully closed and an always beautiful smile on her face. You loved this woman. Your beautiful Wanda.

“Let’s finish cooking mamá, I’ll help you.” You parted with a kiss. A sweet kiss like always, those kisses she’d giggle or smile into and give you a flirty little look, then go about her day like she didn’t know what she was doing to you. “Cut this up for me will you, darling?” You hummed and did a she asked, shaking your head to think about the now and not the events awaiting later tonight.

“Get your mind out of the gutter!” Wanda smacked you with an oven mitt furrowing her brows at you. “Dirty dirty mind.” You chucked and looked back at her. “What! I didn’t say anything” she let out a drawn out, “mhmmm” before turning back to put some ingredients in the pan. “I just know what you’re thinking. Hurry it up I need those!” “Right right! I’m sorry!”

Wanda found it odd, that making this reality with you didn’t take so much of her power like others had before. Like your own mind was subconsciously giving into her without her trying to force it. When Wanda occasionally peaked into your mind to see if any dreams or memories about your old life haunted you there was nothing. When she searched for doubts about your life or any clue that you might be figuring things out she only saw the slight confusion of those moments there your mind briefly recalled having a life without or before her, but you didn’t dwell on them, in-fact you thought of them as your anxiety messing you up but never once did you doubt her. Like you subconsciously simply refused to believe there was ever a life without her.

It was perfect. She didn’t really trick you. She just treated you like she did you from her universe, gave you their memories and anything you could possibly need. And you seemed more than content with this life, with her. She was your perfect girl, and you were her darling little love. Both of you living the life of your dreams, together.

[v3nusxsky]

Hey, love!

I just wanted to say that I absolutely love that you write for Emily because she's my favorite, and you write her so well.

There's this idea I think you'd be AMAZING at.

Emily finally comes back from the dead' and is back with reader in their shared home, and the Doyle case is done with but the reader still gets nightmares of her death.

Maybe the reader took place of Derek and she was the one with Emily before the ambulance took her to the hospital, so the nightmares are her dealing with that all over again.

Free reign to do anything and everything you’d like to!

Thanks, love! You’re doing amazing and you’re so talented! ❤️❤️❤️

It felt real

*Authors note~I'm so excited to write this I feel like it's a valid reaction that's not spoken of enough*

Trigger warnings~ mentions of death nightmares

Prompt~ see ask^^^^^

You'll never get over the memory burned into your brain of your girlfriend on the floor bleeding out with a stake in her stomach. You had her blood on your hands as you attempted to put pressure on the bleed. "Baby! Please Emmy let me see those beautiful eyes please" you begged trying to keep the tears from your voice. "Let me go" she murmured going in and out of consciousness. "Stay with me baby! Emily don't you leave me. You promised forever please em squeeze my hand" you begged her to just hold on. The medics would be here soon, they would. "That's it babe!" You encouraged her weak squeeze as the medics came bursting in.

It's a blur, one minute your there and she's in and out of life with her blood covering your shaking hands to being in the hospital waiting room as JJ informed everyone she never made it off the table. Sometimes that's where the nightmares end, other times your transported back to watching Doyle and Serbrus  beat your girlfriend over and over till she dances on the inch of life before the squash that last speck of life from her body as you are tied and forced to watch her die knowing you didn't save her. You knew it wasn't factual but it always felt so real.

You'd had these dreams since that night, even though your girlfriend had actually survived and had to hide out in Paris till Doyle was captured, which he had been just three days ago, now your lover was back getting ready to sleep next to you for the first time in seven months. You saw her brand, you kissed over every inch of it while reassuring her it changed nothing, she was still as beautiful as ever and that part of her body contained the most precious jewel, her heart.

Truly you didn't tell Emily because you didn't want to worry her, after all she'd been the one to die, not you. So you both feel asleep in each others arms for what you hoped would be a nightmare free sleep now she was home. You were wrong, you knew that it was foolish to think it would disappear so quickly.

Your legs and arms flailing around, sweat soaking your body and sheets as you watched your girlfriend die again. "Emily, Emmy no please wake up" you sobbed which caused the other woman to wake up after your left hand hit her breast. "Ow? What the-" she was cut off by another wail, "no no no fuck you JJ she's not she's alive fuck you" you sobbed tears steaming down your cheeks as you remained stuck in that vivid dream. Emily felt her heart drop, you thought she was dead? And you blamed JJ? But why? JJ was following orders and wasn't able to even tell will that she was alive. Of course she understood your upset but she made a mental note to but JJ some of her favourite wine due to everyone blaming her.

"Shhh, angel? I'm here. It's your Emmy" she murmured hesitantly reaching out to dry your tears only to by your body bolting up right as your gasped for air. Bleary eyes and in the throes of a panic attack you attempted to come back to earth. "Don't touch me! Don't fucking touch me" you sobbed still thinking you were there where the team tried to console you but you could focus on was the sentence repeating in your brain. Your Emily was dead. Gone.

"Oh angel, I'm sorry I'm so so sorry my love. I'm here I'm safe. Your safe, we are safe me you and serg" she mumbled to you in a hope of breaking through the haze. You rapidly blinked and whimpered, "em?"

"That's right baby I'm here" she murmured to you causing you to throw yourself at the raven haired women and sob. All the pain, frustration, confusion and blame of the last seven months overwhelming you. "It's okay sweetheart, you let it all out. I'm right here I promise" she murmured shifting you on her her lap and rocking you soothingly. She guided your hand to rest over her heart, "feel that angel?"

You nodded through your tears, "it beats for you baby. I'm still here and alive because of you" she whispered as you calmed down in her lap, "I love you baby" which you murmured the same back before Sergio felt a little left out and tried to squeeze himself between the two of you in an attempt to steal some attention, "oh serg" you chuckled causing Emily to smile at you. "Mom is back huh? You missed her too hm? I'm not gonna be the favourite am I?" You muttered to the black cat as he tried to nuzzle close to his mom. You pouted at Sergio secretly loving seeing your girlfriend with her cat again. A little yawn escaped you, Emily immediately shifted for you to lay on her chest with serigo tucked in between the pair of your legs. This is what was real, right now the love between you and your little family was real.

Word count~ 1017

[marshmallowprotection]

Hi! ...Se suit saeran (grave) comforting a reader with sh. I'll leave the details to you! Thank you

TW; An Implied Past History of SH for the Reader.

Grave stood there, awkward and stiff, not knowing what to say as you buried your face in your lap and silently wept. You didn't want to talk... he could tell that much when you ran away from him. You weren't the type to run away from him, not anymore, but you panicked when his eyes met your faded scars as if it were a secret you were determined to keep.

He didn't think less of you for those scars, if only because he had his own fair share of scars that wouldn't go away no matter how much he prayed they would. Scars that were self-inflicted and scars that were not.

He had to stare at prominent scars whenever he peeled his clothes off to shower and the more they stared right at him, the more he felt uneasy.

He tried not to look at them, but he always did, as there was no way to avoid them. He wasn't as insecure about his scars as he used to be, but he knew what it felt like to want to hide them away from the rest of the world. After all, he made sure not to wear any clothes that would give away his scars to this day. 

He wasn't all that different from you, was he? He didn't want to talk about his injuries any more than you wanted to talk about yours, but it was the look of fear in your eyes that made him do a double take. As if you believed he would think any less of you for having scars you could do nothing about. He didn't have to know the history behind them, not a single one of them if you weren't comfortable, all he had to know was that you had been through a tough battle, and you came out on the other side—

Alive.

No different than he did.

He wasn't the comforting type, and he was certain you understood that. He didn't know what words to say or how to make somebody feel better when upset. The only thing he knew to do was to sit by your side and offer his hand if you wanted to take it. With a frown on his face, he sat next to you and rolled up the leg of his pants to show you something. 

“Saeran doesn’t tell you about our scars… but I know you’ve seen these before. We didn't just get these scars because of how tight the rope and metal were against our skin. We also got them because we tried to break ourselves free by digging the chains into our skin. The strange thing was that it felt weird not to be bound by chains, too. In a way, it was the only thing that kept us grounded, because the pain reminds you you're alive. I can remember clawing at my ankles back in Mint Eye… because I needed to feel something and that scar tissue there never fails to…"

He grimaced.

Perhaps, it wasn't in his best interest to talk about hurting himself like that. It likely wouldn't make you feel better, anyway. It would just make you feel worse. He didn't want to make it about himself, either.

“I guess what I'm trying to say is that no matter how you got your scars, you shouldn't feel bad about them. No matter what you go through, sometimes you do things you're not proud of after the fact to survive. You do something to help you feel alive when everything else feels horrible. You don't have to be proud of it, and you don't have to boast about it, either."

Grave silently rested a hand against your knee to let you know he was there with you. "But, you don't have to hide these scars as if they're a shameful secret. You survived whatever you went through, and so did I, so I don't think we should pretend any of these scars make us ugly or terrible. Whatever happened to, happened, and that's whatever. You can talk about it, you can shove it down, I don't really care either way, I just want you to know I'm here. You always do that sappy crap for me so I just want to make sure you remember I'm here to do the same even if I have no idea what I'm doing. "

[sleepy-aletheas]

I never understood the whole 'taking items away' or 'grounding' my friends experienced when we were kids. It was strange to see them overprotective of their belongings, making up excuses and plans and back-up plans for potential punishments. See them upset that they can't hang out, even for studying or a bigger group activity, because they did something as small as 'talk back' or not do a chore on a random 'timely' moment.

Granted, on one hand I was a very docile child that found it easier to just do everything ahead of time before being asked, because then no one bothered me with it. On the other, I was parentified to hell and back before I even got to school age, so I just had responsibilities impressed into my little head before I fully understood that other kids didn't have to take care of anyone younger or older than them, from kids, to adults, to pets, to objects. I took care of everyone, and so everything was allowed for me to do. (Kinda, it had to fit my mother's dreams and landmine filled field of expectations, but earlier in life it was easier to avoid getting hurt by it.)

It was always weirder to me, because whenever I met my friends' parents, they would coddle me and put me on a pedestal above my friends, and say how they could have me as their child instead, because I was docile and well-behaved. Aside of feeling like a glorified pet, I'm not sure they were aware of how much it hurt us all to be being put through that. My friends were overprotective of me, and didn't blame me for their parents to pit others against them, but I felt guilty for being othered beyond my standard 'weird kid (apparently neurodivergent flavored)' that just made me more hellbent on being perfect. So the parents left me to 'discipline' and 'help correct' their kids in a more peer pressure type of way. The good part was that I could negotiate lesser or no punishments for my friends, that I could shoulder the blame of some stupid things we did (don't put a hot pan full of still bubbling oil in a sink and pour cold water in it; the fireworks aren't worth it), because I would get away every single time with no repercussions or negative outcomes. The bad part was that I had to shoulder my friends' mental health, the adults' expectations and happy-meters, my own family's mess, and then myself. There was no winning.

And the thing is, they all could have just talked. There was no reason for any big punishments, because they never did anything to harm anyone, or broke big promises, or were rude to anyone and everyone. If their parents cared, my friends didn't have to hide their mental health declining, because of potential rejection; they wouldn't have developed habits that pushed punishment time farther away, only to be marked as liars and attention seekers.

It's all just weird, that no one bothered to sit my friends down and talk things out, explain the situations, their costs, their consequences, and the ways to fix them. Instead they were punished for being kids that experienced the world for a relatively short time, and a lot of situations were a first.

[falcqns]

marjorie

✰ 𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: Morgan Stark & Tony Stark

✰ 𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: the more Morgan grows, the more she misses her dad.

✰ 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: mentions of endgame, grief, angst, post endgame

✰ 𝐚/𝐧: tagging @natashasera ! i’ll miss you forever, tony 🫶🏼

don't forget to read and reblog, and i do not give permission for my works to be posted anywhere other than tumblr. thank you.

Never be so kind, you forget to be clever

Never be so clever, you forget to be kind

And if I didn't know better

I'd think you were talking to me now

When her father first died, Morgan didn’t understand. She didn’t understand why everyone was upset, why everyone was wearing black, why her mom slept on the couch or with her instead of in her bed.

More than anything, Morgan didn’t understand why her dad wasn’t with her. Why he wasn’t downstairs in the morning, making her pancakes, and drinking his green smoothie like he did every morning? Why wasn’t he the one comforting her after a nightmare or when she’s sick? She loved her mother, she truly did, but where did her father go?

If I didn't know better

I'd think you were still around

What died didn't stay dead

What died didn't stay dead

You're alive, you're alive in my head

As Morgan grew, she began to understand. She still fully didn’t understand, but she was able to grasp the concept of her father was gone, and he wasn’t coming back. At first, she thought that she did something wrong to make her dad leave, but her mom squashed that immediately.

“Your father didn’t leave because he didn’t love us,” she had said. “He left because he had to. Because it was between his one life, and the life of half of the universe. He died to save us, to make sure you got to live the life he imagined for you.”

And while Morgan understood what her dad did, it didn’t make it any easier. It didn’t make her any less mad when she saw Nick Fury or Sam Wilson, knowing that it could have been them instead, and that she would still have her dad. It didn’t hurt any less when she addressed father’s day cards to Uncle Happy or her big brother Peter, or even to her mom. It didn’t hurt any less, seeing her classmates and friends with their fathers knowing she’ll never have that.

What died didn't stay dead

What died didn't stay dead

You're alive, so alive

Although Morgan struggled with this, with knowing she lost her father at such a young age, she didn’t let it show. No one told her she had to be strong for her mother, but when she came downstairs, on May 29th, 2024, and sees her mother holding a picture of her and her father when she was a baby while crying, she wanted to make sure her mom never had to worry about her.

And so, she started to hide the pain she felt, while telling herself it was better this way, this way her mom didn’t have to worry about her.

Never be so polite, you forget your power

Never wield such power, you forget to be polite

And if I didn't know better

I'd think you were listening to me now

And Morgan thought she was doing a good job. She thought that no one could tell, that everyone assumed she had moved passed it.

And for a while, she was doing a good job. She kept her pain to herself. Only cried in the dead of the night or when home alone, or on the day that her father passed.

That all ended, when her junior prom just so happened to fall on October 17th. And then, just like leaves fall from the trees, all those walls she had built up came crashing down around her in a pile.

The autumn chill that wakes me up

You loved the amber skies so much

Long limbs and frozen swims

Morgan was getting ready for homecoming, and everything was fine. She put on her dress, had her makeup, hair and nails done, and felt prettier than she had ever felt in her 16 years of life. She put her shoes on, and made her way down the stairs, where her date Ryan, who had also been her best friend since first grade, was waiting for her.

Her mom complimented her, told her how beautiful she was and how much she loved her. Morgan could see the longing just behind the loving gaze in her mothers eyes. The longing for her father to be there, standing with her as she goes off to her first prom. She smiled warmly at her mother, and hugged her for a little longer than she normally would, trying to tell her that everything would be okay; that she had done a great job without him, and that he’d be as proud as she was for raising her as a single parent.

After a few pictures with her mom, Ryan, her brother Peter and her Uncle Happy, Morgan and Ryan were in the back of her moms car, being driven to the winery where prom was taking place.

Morgan was a little sad that her dad wasn’t here for this, but that was something that she had gotten used to. She had gotten used to seeing the empty chair next to her mom at her baseball games, at her dance recitals, at her gym meets. She had gotten used to the empty, untouched spot on the sofa that seemed to taunt her as she opened presents on Christmas and her birthday; and had gotten used to the muffled cries from her mom on those same days.

What she hadn’t gotten used to was seeing everyone else with their fathers, and her not having one. She knew almost everyone else in her grade had dads in some way, but to be faced with it on what was supposed to be a happy night, was really tough for Morgan to deal with. She wanted nothing more than her dad to be the one embarrassing her with her date who was definitely just a friend and who she definitely has not been in love with since 2nd grade, a year after they met. She wanted to hear her dad tell her she was beautiful, that she had made him proud, that while he hated seeing her grow up, he was loving who she was becoming.

But she couldn’t have that. The other girls in her class had that; but she didn’t.

She made it through the pictures by biting her tongue, and avoiding all the other girls in her class, but wasn’t as lucky after dinner had finished and the slower music began to play.

By the time the song “Candle In The Wind” started playing, Morgan felt like she was a house being held together by still-wet glue; one wrong move and she’d be falling apart, letting the entire world what was wrong on the inside.

Ryan convinced her to go dance, and she bit the inside of her cheek, trying to keep the tears at bay as the song played on. She just had to hold it together until the end of the song, then she could go to the bathroom, cry a little bit, fix her makeup, and everything would be fine.

You'd always go past where our feet could touch

And I complained the whole way there

The car ride back and up the stairs

And then, Elton John sang the words “and i would have liked to have known you, but i was just a kid.” and a tear spilled over. Suddenly, she was powerless to stop them coming, despite her earlier strength. She bowed her head, trying to hide the tears from Ryan, but Ryan had always been able to sense when something was wrong with her.

“Hey,” He whispered, pulling her closer. “What’s wrong? Are you okay?”

She also knew she couldn’t lie to him, so she didn’t. “No,” she whimpered, and Ryan wasted no time in dragging her off the dance floor, and leading her outside. He wrapped her in a hug, and let her cry.

She also knew that Ryan knew what was wrong, which she was grateful for. He always seemed to know exactly what she needed and what she was thinking, which made being his friend 10x easier.

“He’d be proud of you, y’know?” Ryan whispered. “Getting this far, with his last name, and not being expelled.” He joked, and Morgan laughed. “You’re the top of our class in every subject, you have an awesome best friend, and you have a family who supports you no matter what. He’d be so proud.”

Morgan sniffled. “It hurts,” She said. “Seeing our classmates with their dads. Knowing that they have someone they can call dad, someone they can go to for things they can’t go to their moms about. I don’t have that, and I hate it.”

Ryan hugged her tighter. “I know.” He whispered.

“I miss it. I miss it all. All aspects of having a dad. I miss him even though I barely had him.” She continued. “I barely had him, and I barely know him because it hurts to much to learn about him, even though there’s nothing more that I want in this world than to truly know my father.”

Ryan shrugged. “I know. I cant imagine what this feels like, and you have full permission to hit me if this isn’t what is going to help;” he said, prompting a giggle from Morgan. “but maybe, it would help if you did learn about him. If you did talk to your mom, to your brother and uncle, read things about him. It might help you to feel closer to him if you know him.”

I should've asked you questions

I should've asked you how to be

“Hi dad.” Morgan said, sitting down in front of her fathers headstone. “I’m sorry that I haven’t visited before now,” She began. “I never really had someone to take me before, and I know it’s too hard for Mom, Peter and Uncle Happy to come here. And, it was just too hard for me too. Knowing that you’re here, but that I can see you, or hold your hand. But, I’ve realized that that was just hurting me more, not knowing who you are and not talking to you.”

Morgan took a deep breath, before telling her father all about her life. About her accomplishments, about what she liked, and about Ryan. About how she had loved him for so long but didn’t know how to tell him, and that she wished he was here so that she could know what Ryan might be thinking. She told him that she missed him, and that even though she only had him for 4, they were the best 4 years.

“You were my best four years, Dad.” She said, letting the tear run down her face. “I miss you more and more everyday.”

She stayed a little bit longer, not wanting to leave. But, when the sun started to touch the horizon, she knew it was time to head home. She touched the headstone once more, promising to herself that she would come back more often.

“I love you 3000, Dad. I’ll see you soon.”

She opened the car door, and Ryan smiled at her.

“How was it?” He asked.

Morgan nodded with a smile. “You were right. It did help.”

“Always the tone of surprise,” he teased, making Morgan laugh as they pulled away from the cemetery, heading back home.

Asked you to write it down for me

Should've kept every grocery store receipt

'Cause every scrap of you would be taken from me

Morgan looked out her window, seeing all of the parents saying goodbye to their children.

It was her freshman year at MIT, and she had never felt so ready; so at peace. She had been given her fathers old dorm. And although he hadn’t set foot in this room for years, it still felt like him, and it calmed her. She would miss her Mom like crazy, but she felt safe, knowing she was following in her fathers footsteps.

Her eyes fell onto her forearm, where she had the words “i love you 3000, my Maguna” in her dads handwriting were inked into her skin. It had been her moms idea on her 18th birthday. he had written it on her 18th birthday card, which he wrote the night before him and the Avengers won. She got it tattooed that very same day, and that small little tattoo had become her lifeline.

It no longer hurt, seeing fathers with their children. She felt a longing, something she knew she always would, but it didn’t break her in two like it once did.

Her eyes moved to her left hand, and she smiled. She knew that the man who had gave her the beautiful diamond ring that sat on her ring finger had a lot to do with that, and she couldn’t be happier.

Watched as you signed your name Marjorie

All your closets of backlogged dreams

And how you left them all to me

“Hi Dad,” Morgan said, sitting down, trying to be careful of the newborn in her arms, and the scar on her stomach that was still healing. “I’m sorry I didn’t get here last week, this little one decided to make his arrival sooner than planned.” She said, looking down at her son with a smile.

“We named him after you.” She said. “Theodore Anthony Stark. Theo for short.” She smiled. “And yes, Ryan took your last name, we got the paperwork finalized. He wanted us to share a name, but didn’t want me giving up your name, so he took yours. Hope that’s okay.”

Morgan swallowed the lump in her throat. “Ryan was going to be here, but he somehow got suckered into moving some furniture for Mom, and I know for a fact that you had something to do with that.” She sniffled. “I’m sorry you won’t get to see him grow up, but I know you’ll always be looking out for him. And I promise to talk about you as much as possible, and to make sure he knows that had it not been for you, he wouldn’t have existed. Thank you for your sacrifice, Dad. It brought me Ryan, and then Theo. I miss you,” she said.

“I think I’ll miss you forever,” she continued. “But I know you’ll always be with me.”

“I love you 3000, Dad.”

If I didn't know better

I'd think you were still around

I know better

But I still feel you all around

I know better

But you're still around

[ashs-random-writing]

Dancing with Death

Chapter 5~Explainations

Ao3

REBLOGS>>>>LIKES

--

Virgil has been the God of Death since the dawn of time. He had earned many titles from the mortals, though his favourite was 'The Grim Reaper'. Once in the afterlife, most know him as King Virgil

Patton, as the recently deceased, gets led into the afterlife by a cloaked, masked figure. He wants to know more about them

--

Janus’s best friend had died. He had died four months ago.

So why was he stood next to his own grave? Janus wondered if this was just some manifestation of his grief his mind had created, but somewhere deep down he knew this was real.

He walked over to Patton, noticing things that looked wrong. His skin was a pale, grey colour, his freckles were softly glowing, his teeth were just slightly too sharp, he didn’t look solid, his eyebags were deep, and overall, he looked dead.

Janus stared at the apparition with conflicting emotions. 

“You’re not supposed to be alive, what are you doing alive?” He demanded

Patton smiled softly

“I’m not, see?” He reached out to touch Janus, and his hand passed right through. He was cold.

“So, what are you? Like a ghost?” He asked, his voice getting snappy to hide his surfacing grief

“Not exactly,” 

Janus frowned

“Because that’s definitely a straight answer” He snarked, crossing his arms

Patton rubbed the back of his neck with a sheepish smile

“I don’t really know how to explain what I am, sorry. I just know that no one is supposed to be able to see me. Well, until they’re dead anyway. Then I help lead them into the afterlife” He was smiling.

Janus looked away

“So why can I see you? As far as I’m aware I’m still alive and well”

Patton shrugged

“You’re not dead, I can tell that much. Maybe Virgil would know...”

Before Janus had a chance to ask who Virgil was, someone (presumably Virgil) appeared.

Janus stared at the new arrival in fear. His skin went cold, his heartrate went up, and he couldn’t take his eyes off of them. Whatever they were, they were wrong.

It felt like everything around them was becoming nothing, like they were a black hole of energy. They were tall, at least a foot and a half taller than Janus. They wore a dark cloak, and a gold mask that looked like a skull. They were frowning at him. 

He understood. This was Death.

He blinked. They were holding ice-cream. 

He moved his eyes to his friend, who didn’t seem as upsetting to look at anymore, compared to ‘Virgil’. Patton was staring at them with a wide smile as though he didn’t feel the aura of fear they were commanding, and didn’t notice how terrifying and intimidating they were.

Patton even pulled them into a hug. 

Janus took a deep breath and looked at his friend with the calmest expression he could muster whilst feeling as though he would die any second

“Patton. Is that the grim reaper?”

Patton nodded but then paused in thought

“Well, technically, but it was his last day yesterday! I do the reapering now”

Janus didn’t even know what to say, he just brought his hand up to his face and groaned

“Just- do you know why I’m able to see you, or not?” He asked weakly.

Patton looked up at Virgil who waved his hand and some sort of letter or note appeared. Patton read the note and nodded

“Virgil thinks you might have magic and that might’ve had a part in why you can see us”

--

Virgil was wandering around, waiting for Patton’s alone time to finish

He heard his name being said by his friend and he showed up immediately, noticing the living person who was watching them. He recognised him as one of Patton’s living friends

He could sense magic on him. Virgil frowned. He had never liked magic users, and most of them didn’t like him.

Though it might explain why Janus could see them. They were in a graveyard; if he was in the graveyard to see Patton’s grave, and therefore Patton, his magic may have reacted to Patton’s presence and given Janus a way to see Patton.

Janus didn’t seem to realise he even had magic, which made Virgil somehow more calm and more nervous. If he didn’t know he had magic before now, he wouldn’t know how to use it, but if he had just discovered that he was more powerful than most living people, he might grow egotistical

Virgil knew that some magic users (though an occurrence like this had not happened in centuries) would find spells to elongate their life span, living far past their normal lives, and somehow getting the idea that they must’ve been powerful enough to kill a god.

They couldn’t, of course, but there were at least twenty that had tried. All of them were dealt with swiftly, but it was still annoying. Especially since he was more likely to have to deal with it than the other gods, with eighteen out of twenty of the attacks being directed at him

He shared his sensing of magic to Patton, who relayed it to the magic user in question

Janus didn’t seem to agree with that assessment, claiming that he would obviously know if he had magic. Virgil crossed his arms and looked down at the mortal.

He was tall for a human, taller than Patton at least, but Virgil still had to look down to see him

He watched Patton and Janus talk for a while, feeling increasingly more protective of his friend as he felt Janus’s magic start getting ready to lash out as he grew more frustrated

Virgil did not like Patton’s friend.

--

Taglist: @a-chilly-pepper​

[axewchao]

Does Dalex ever get reunited with the rito mask?

In the endgame, yes, Revali returns it to him.

But even after getting it back, it still takes him a while to actually start using it again...

~~~

Several moons have come and gone as Dalex silently stared at the expressionless bird mask. Reminiscing on the fun he had with it, followed by the soul-crushing guilt and shame of breaking the Rito Champion's trust and heart.

He didn't deserve to have this back... Not after what he'd done...

So then why... why did Revali give this to him? How did he even know where to find it?

He should've smashed it to bits, just like what Dalex had done to his innocent heart...

What kind of hero was he, to wear a mask of lies and hurt someone so severely, especially when they didn't deserve it? Revali was arrogant, cold, and sometimes didn't know when to shut his pointy piehole, but... that was nothing. It didn't warrant posing as a stranger, befriending him and then pulling the rug out from underneath him.

Being Revali's friend... it was wonderful. It felt so good to finally have someone who could relate to his struggles, the pressures of one's duties, how fulfilling those duties was mandatory, not an option. Even if he didn't tell the full story, it felt like such a relief to hear someone say that they understood the sacrifices one made for the sake of their goals, instead of going on and on about how "honorable" and "noble" it was...

Because really, if you have no choice in the matter... can it really be called such things? Or is that yet another lie, one that masks whatever pain or regret you feel for leaving everything you knew behind?

It was either perform your sacred duty, or everything burns around you. There is no other option here, and that fact was something Dalex was quick to understand, as he watched his hometown get further and further away that fateful day.

He was only ten, and because of one mark on his hand, he had to give up everything. If Hyrule won the war, his home would be safe, obviously, but he wasn't the happy-go-lucky little boy everyone knew.

He would never be that boy ever again.

He said that much to Revali. In bits and pieces, if only to hide his true self from the Rito in question. They were at the Warbler's Nest, lying side by side as they spoke of whatever came to mind.

Revali, in a moment that was becoming more common with each of their talks, silently listened, emerald eyes locked on Dalex as he nervously asked under his breath, if... if it was wrong of him to feel upset by it all, after all this time.

"Of course not."

The blunt response nearly made Dalex jump.

"You... you were taken from your family, Starling. You were just a fledgling. A child. If I were in your wings, I'd be completely furious."

Dalex felt a wing take hold of his own. His heart raced.

"Because of that, you didn't know how to fly. You spent years being grounded like some Cucco. You didn't know anything about being a Rito. You were raised as if you didn't have any feathers at all. You were robbed of so much... and for what? Because you 'had no choice'?" It's just... it's so cruel."

Dalex felt Revali squeeze his wing, and felt a pang in the back of his mind. If only Revali knew everything... he might've said something else...

But what about him, Dalex asked. Because Medoh chose him, he didn't have a choice either, did he...?

"...Perhaps with Medoh, I didn't. But at least I got to live some semblance of a life first. Before Medoh called out to me, I had already become a talented archer. Revali's Gale was becoming reality instead of a dream. I was the pride of my people. I was able to make my own choices. But you... you weren't. And that's not fair."

At Dalex's stunned gaze, Revali looked up to the dark sky before continuing, "Be honest with me, Starling... was there ever a point where you wanted to do something? Not because you 'had' or 'needed' to, but just because you wanted to?"

It took Dalex a moment to remember.

He... he wanted to be a doctor. Like his dad.

"And why is that?"

He just... wanted to. He wanted to help the hurt and sick feel better. Seeing patients smile as they recovered... it felt good.

"And do you still want that?"

It took Dalex longer than he would've liked, but he nodded.

"You probably see it as a selfish wish, Starling... But I don't. After giving up so much of yourself, you deserve to have something of your own again."

But... but he can't. He has to-...

"...You have to what?"

...

"...It's alright, you know. You don't have to say." Revali squeezed his hand again, eyes turning back to Dalex's own. For some reason, they shined more than the stars above. "Just know that at least one person out there thinks it's normal to... 'want,' basically. Since you've apparently been told otherwise so many times..."

But... was it really? 'Wanting' was what got Dalex in this mess... he wasn't patient enough. He could've waited until the war was over, then he could be himself as much as he pleased.

...No he couldn't. There was always a chance he'd die. Killed by a monster, or the Yiga, or even Ganon itself. That, among other things, was why he caved and accepted the mask from that strange smiling man.

It... it felt like he had no choice... but he did this time, didn't he? And look at what he'd done with that choice...

Dalex sniffled, rubbing his tears away. All these thoughts and memories were giving him a headache.

That feeling of 'wanting' hadn't left him, even after he ditched this damn thing. If anything, he wanted more.

He wanted to wear the mask again. Be a Rito again. He wanted to see Revali again. Just sit somewhere and talk, with or without the mask. It'd been so long since Dalex had just... had a normal conversation with someone. Mipha, bless her sweet fishy heart, may have been the friendliest one in the group, but she was still royalty. It... wasn't easy to speak to royalty.

But it was easy to speak to Revali. Even when he was being a bit... much, it was because of something other than titles or magic swords. Mundane things like Dalex struggling with flying, or adjusting to using weapons other than swords. Observing customs that, as a "Rito raised by the wingless," he knew nothing about, but Revali was happy to educate him on.

He wanted to be Revali's friend again.

And if... if Revali was willing to give him this, instead of leaving it be or destroying it, then... did that mean he still had a chance?

Things between them would never be the same, obviously, but... but...

...He wanted to try.

He didn't need to. He just wanted to.

[serotonincemetery]

Evie Frye x Reader

You were just walking down the streets of Westminister, trying to find something for your girlfriend, Evie, when you are suddenly attacked by someone, everything happened so quickly that they only thing you noticed was a red jacket. You immediately know who it is. A Blighter. You refused to let him hurt or fondle you, the moment he attacked you, you pulled a small knife, about palm size and you stab his arm and try to make a run for it.

It didn't work, He quickly grabbed you by your hair and pulled you back and threw you to the ground and quickly hit you over the head and made your vision and mind fogged. You felt him pick you up and then you felt nothing. You were being thrown. He threw you into a crate and it broke upon impact.

Your back hurt. You could see the blighter's bulky figure approach you and once your vision cleared you could see his scowl. You sighed and tried to get up but to no avail, your body wouldn't let you get up, not even move. You looked at him and squinted. "Now if you just give me yer money, we won't have a problem. Plus being one of the Frye Twins' little lady, you must have some pocket cash due to them winning fights and takin' our cash." He rambled.

"Now, if you even had a single brain cell then you should run off because being a gang lord's lover has it's perks. Like I never go anywhere alone" You say as you give him a sweet smile and as he turns you get helped up and people in green jackets show up in front of the man. The Rook that helped you up was one of Jacob's best. Both of them were like brothers to you.

You pat him on the back and he smiled. He quickly went over to join the other rooks and they eventually took out the blighter and walked back over to you. "Is there anything else you need, Ma'am?" A Rook asked. You shook your head no.

"No, but thank you all." You smiled. "All of you, go take a break, go to the pub, fight club, or take out more blighters. Whatever suits your fancy." You said with a smile as they all nodded and turned and walked away. You smiled. You had just gotten an Idea. You quickly went to the florist and got a bunch of flowers. White carnations, White Jasmines, classic Red Roses, some pink roses, and a bit of baby's breath around and spread out within the bouquet.

You smiled to yourself and paid for them and walked out. You made your way back to the train and put them in Evie's room on her bed. You smiled even more and went to your car and picked up a book and read for a while.

It was late and you had just closed your book and got up to put it away when you were hugged from behind. You flinched and looked at who it was. Evie. You smiled and turned stood up properly and hugged her back. She was about a few inches taller than you. It upset you a bit. But you moved passed that. "You're home" You mumbled into her shoulder with a smile.

Evie chuckled and kissed your forehead and pulled away and looked at you. "Yes I am. But not for too long." She frowned. "Also thank you for the flowers" She mumbled into your hair.

You hated when she left for long periods of time. "Why?" You asked, semi ignoring her response to the flowers. She sighed and shook her head.

"Because we are so close to finding the Piece Of Eden. And me and Jacob, along with a few rooks, are going to scope a place out, its where we're thinking Starrick is hiding out this week." She explained. You frowned.

"That's ok." You smiled. "I understand, but you better come back to me in one piece." You said sternly. She chuckled.

"I will." She started. "But tonight I'm spending every moment with you." She said with a smile as you gave her a quick kiss before she led you out of your car and off the train once it stopped. You followed her along. She brought you to the Big Ben. You looked at her curiously as she grabbed your waist and held onto you tightly. "Hang on tight." She said. You now understood what she was doing and wrapped your arms around her tightly.

She raised her arm up with the gauntlet on and fired something out of it. Once it latched, both of you went up quickly. Your stomach was twisting and churning as both of you went up. You both were flung onto the top. Both of you stumbled and fell over. You both were laughing as you fell and you landed on her.

You let her up and you both spent the night on the top rim of Big Ben and both told stories and you remember falling asleep on her shoulder.

When you woke up, you were in your own bed and no one was beside you.

A week had passed and only when you were getting ready for bed. Your door slid open. You quickly pulled your night shirt down and looked. It was Evie. You smiled but that was gone the moment you saw what shape she was in. You panicked and quickly went over and helped her to the bed. You ran out and got some medical supplies and came back in and started to get her clothes off to look at her wounds.

Her wounds were bad. You worked as quickly and efficiently as possible. In the end she was extremely tired and your nightclothes were ruined by her blood. You sighed and started to put things away but kept a few things out and glanced back at her.

Her expression, pained. You frowned and set all the supplies down and walked over and crawled in beside her and gently cuddled her. She smiled and slowly wrapped an arm around you and both of you fell asleep. But not before both of you whispering "I love you."

[nicolespeaks]

There are so many things I want to tell you, but I know not to.

You have been inconsistent, inconsiderate, dishonest,and unfair to me. You already know this, you probably defend it. You don't follow your own philosophies, especially when it comes to me, and I only try to make you see and understand that.

You don't understand that I do exactly what you do to me. Sex is just sex? Then why can't I have sex, why is it bad if I cum, why is it bad for me to want sex with someone other that you? Because we're not having sex? Is that how you value our sex? And if I have sex with someone else, you feel insecure and invalid? Do you not understand that is what you did to me, that is how I feel. yet you reject my perspective and go on about the differences in males and females.

You were mad at me for texting dean, smiling and laughing. You say you're confused by my true thoughts and feelings, that from the texts it sounds like I was in love with dean. You say you may have done stuff but you never lost your feelings for me and you always knew what you wanted. Then were those lies to tiny? Did you not say all those things to her? Were those your true thoughts and feelings or was it just conversation, were you just pretending? Don't you know I have to separate myself completely from you in order to have feelings for someone else? Is that not what you did with her?

You say I didn't follow the rules, I always went back on my word. Well I felt like it was a little ridiculous being considerate of you when you weren't considerate of me. Youve always lied. You've always hidden things from me. I at least told you up front, even when you found out, but you always lied and hid the truth. I was punished for going back on my word, lying, hiding things from you, but you never stopped lying yourself. You never understood not to do that again and I trusted you to have learned your lesson. Don't you think I hid and lied because that's what you did to me?

I went to dean because he was someone who made me feel happy and understood. He was the closet person to me that I could use to set an example. I was never to fuck him again, I should know that? But didn't you know never to speak to her again, fuck her again, lie to me again? You did it because you felt bad? That justifies it, makes you righteous? I did it to feel happy, I did it to desensitize myself from the pain, to understand how you felt and why you did it, even if you loved me while.

You would've never told me you fucked her, did shrooms with her, met up with her, talked to her. You say I make up my own perspective and I don't think about the reality of things, that they're not that bad? Then why is it bad when I do the same thing? If it's that bad to me, why cant I feel that way? You want me to always move on from the pain you've caused me, you think it all stops the day it comes out, but no, it never stops, and how you treat everything makes it worse.

You're mad at me for going to John's house while you were at your family's. Didn't you call tiny while you were sick, whenever you went out, while I was at home having panic attacks and keeping myself from calling and texting you, trying to trust you, and then eventually trusting you only to prove myself right, I can't. You said all those pictures were ruined, yet are upset at me for wanting to forget the song I wrote for your birthday when you told her you were sick on your birthday, probably reading the tweet later on.

He never seem to understand how much your hurt is, how long it lasts. You think that I should be past it because you've shoved it down and have more important things going on. I have responsibilities too, and this have taken over my life. It's pain, it's trauma, it fucks you up and you can't expect me or anyone to just shove it down and be done.

You begged me to take you back after I found out, then you yell and shout at me for talking to people on tinder, being confused in my own feelings, my own world.

If you say you understood how fucked up I got, then you would know not to minimize my suffering, not to invalidate my perspective. Don't you think I do things in retailiation? I make my suffrage worse to try and make it obvious that this is very big for me, cause no one ever seems to take my seriously. Don't you think I do things in retailiation because I am so miserable, I feel unloved and stuck, and I feel anger at you for a multitude of reasons. And you still ask me to stop. If you understood, if you really loved me like how you said, you would let me feel my feelings. You would understand how fucking troubled I am, how I don't know myself, how I can't fucking be.

I say I understand your side and you say then I should be done. You say you understand my side but that it's still a lot to deal with. Do you not think it's the same for me? Why, why do you hurt me this way?

You have a low tolerance for discomfort, pettiness. Then can't I have a low tolerance for pain, humiliation, cruelty?

You have been unfair and unkind to me. You have never been on my side, I have never felt understood or welcomed. And I make it worse, cause it's so unbearable to accept, that you cannot accept me.

You say you're here pouring your love out and I'm texting dean. I poured my heart out and wrote you a song, I was completely raw with you, but you called her behind my back. I was always pouring my heart out, you were never ready for it, you pushed me away. I've pushed you away from good reason, for fear, and just because you're ready now does not mean I am and you can't except that of me.

You're still not someone I need you to be, and I have serious trouble dealing with that. This thing that you can't do, that I need you to do, that I can't do for myself or it's a whole problem, would fix everything. But, you still can't.

Don't you see how far you shove me down below you? You want this to be a mutual relationship but only on your terms. You shove me down and keep me down and asking me why I'm drowning. You say I've helped and taught you so much, that you would be closer to be ready each time we hit rock bottom. But never were you ready on your own. You say you're doing the work now and I should receive it? What happened to all the times you promised and I got nothing? When you begged and cried to me not to do this and I took pity on you? You say I want this too? Do you really believe you ever gave me the choice?

Very much I think about you asking me if I was gonna ride with you. The incomprehensible thought of being without you. It's an undeniable choice, but it comes with the consequence of loving you. With it, I must take on all this pain and I don't want that, that's not fair to me. And for me to cope, to be okay with it all? I have to do something fucked up, I have to put you on the same level as me cause no fucking way am I going to be with a man who is below me.

I have always done that with you. Too many times I've fucked up myself, but it's clear which mistakes are influenced by yours.

Now I still sit with the thought of how to heal. If I heal for you, because you want me to stop talking about this, I'll always hold resentment. If I heal for myself, by myself, and let my soul come together, I'll have to think of you in lesser terms. And with lesser terms comes lesser feelings, and if I realize that this is all bullshit, that this is what true love is, I'll forever be ashamed.

These stains on our timeline will never fade. And we can get farther and farther from it, but how embarrassing is it to look back at where we fucked up, where we made awful awful mistakes, and the fucking lies we had to accept to get to where we are in that moment? It's selling yourself, selling who you are in exchange for a reality of pain out of the fear of being alone and nothing.

I never wanted my relationship to be like that, how can I accept a man like that? Where is the understanding, the trust in this connection we have? Why is there insecurity, why is there doubt at all? You're not the man I needed, or wanted, and I'm not the woman you needed or wanted in your life either. The differences we have are battle cries. But yours is always the loudest.

For now, as I heal myself, I do it in spite more than love for myself. I'll show you who I am, since you can't figure it out. I'll show you again, and when you do the same thing over again, instead of beating you down, I'll forgive you, and I'll move on, and I'll let you see who I can be when the people I love hurt me, and I hope it's then you realize what I had to do to keep my love for you alive cause if I forgive you, you'll know I'll love you less.

Out of pettiness or immaturity I have no care of finding out. Spitefulness is set in my heart and I would never accept loving you without it. Why? Cause that's not who I am.