#they just want to be told the thing they already believe because they dont read the papers

[crystalkitty1220]

Man I wonder where the leader of the fear realm could've gone, it's alMOST LIKE NEVIN HAS AN

[iznyangwoni]

EASY TO LOVE | chapter nineteen !

You’ve been working all day on the outfits for the festival and honestly it’s been great at taking your mind off of Jungwon. This last week all you did was ignore him, thinking of how you should talk to him, what to say, how to say it. But all your overthinking did was just making you distance yourself from him, as if fighting wasnt enough.

You sigh, finally finishing one of the hundreds sketches you need to do before sunday. Its already getting late, but you need a few more people to come in for you to take measurements, so its gonna take a while before you can go home, not that you really mind, you like doing this after all.

You hear a knock on the door, so you tell them to come in, not really looking towards that direction since you’re busy choosing a color for the skirts. The door closes and you raise your head only when a grocery bag stops your vision. Your heart drops when you see Jungwon, you cant really read his expression, he looks both annoyed and relieved.

You take off your headphones and glasses, your ears getting red. “Sunghoon told me you haven’t eaten all day.” You gulp, not really knowing what to say, your eyes fall on the bag, then on Jungwon again. “You spoke… with Sunghoon?” “You’ve been avoiding me for a week, i did what i had to do.”

You bite your inner lip, you cant really imagine the two of them having a normal conversation, but you’re glad they’re growing. Jungwon sits in front of you, his eyes never leaving you, you’re trying to be tough, but its hard when your mind is going a thousand per miles and your heart is about to explode.

“I’ve been busy with the festival.” “Don’t bullshit me.” His cold voice makes your back shiver, and then you see it, that angry look he’s had since the fight, you run a hand through your hair, and then start tidying up the desk, you know he’s not going until you eat, so might as well get this over soon.

“I don’t like your attitude.” You say, and he laughs sarcastically, taking the ramen off of the bag, he already put the hot water in it before coming, the thought of him doing all of this for you makes you sigh. “Just eat and dont complain.” You roll your eyes and finally sit down again to eat, you only left your sketchbook on the table, just in case you get any ideas.

“You’ve been hanging a lot with Minji..” “Mh.” Jungwon didn’t think twice before digging into his ramen, meanwhile you’re still playing with your chopsticks. “Riki and Jake say that she’s been weird lately. So they dont hang much with us anymore.” “Ah.” This whole thing is awkward, the way you’re talking, the way he either looks into your soul or doesn’t look at you at all.

Still, maybe this is the right time to tell him the truth, to finally express how you feel and actually tell him what happened, but you’re still scared. Jungwon basically doesn’t hang out with his best friends only because of her, how delusional do you have to be to think he would believe you? “Jungwon… I’m scared.”

Finally his eyes meet yours again, your hand is slightly shaking, and you cant really stop it now. You bite your inner lip once again, meanwhile he completely stops eating just to hear you out. “Of what?” “Of you not believing me. Or of you choosing Minji instead of me.” “Y/n you can’t make me choose.”

That’s exactly what you were afraid of. Of course he doesnt want to choose, he’s known you only for a few months, meanwhile him and Minji have been friends since ever, he’s never going to pick you. “You’ll have to once you know what happened.” “Then tell me.” You take a deep breath, you really cant find the words to tell him, he’s looking at you patiently, but you dont know how long he can wait.

Just thinking back about it makes you feel ill and dirty, you want things with jungwon to work out, you want to be able to date him and call him your boyfriend but god is it hard to just say it. You look at him, your throat already hurting meanwhile he seems to be getting disappointed. “That video minji mentioned to you…” your mouth feels dry, meanwhile your eyes are the complete opposite.

You shake your head, you dont want to say it, you dont want him to think of you as low as you think of yourself for what happened. Jungwon hand reaches out to yours, wanting to soothe you. “Jiyoon was in Minji’s friend group last year, and we… we weren’t really friends.” You decide to start like this, its really now or never.

“And i was kind of dating this guy, Ricky.” “Kind of?” You give him a bad look, its not really the time to joke now, but you’re glad he’s making it less awkward.

“Well, turns out, Ricky was cheating on me with her, and they wanted me out of the picture.” You take another deep breath, you did have a little crush on Ricky last year, but it was nothing like what you feel for Jungwon, but thinking about what happened still hurts you like crazy. “So they.. they decided to take a video, something that could ruin the reputation of my family if it got out…i didnt know the phone was there when it was recording.”

Jungwon is listening carefully, caressing your fingers with his thumb, going through your jewelry so gently. “What was in the video?” You look at him again, you really dont want to say it, but you have to. “It was me, at Ricky’s house. And we were alone, and.. things escalated and we were-” “Y/n.”

The way he calls you makes you scared, is he mad at you? Does he think you’re disgusting? You dont even want to look at him in the eyes out of fear.

“Y/n, look at me.” Your bottom lip is trembling as he interlocks his fingers with yours. “Why didnt you tell me earlier?” “I was scared..” Your voice is breaking as you speak, Jungwon gets up and hugs you, you hide your face in the crook of his neck, you didnt expect him to act like this. But your friends were right at the end. Jungwon kisses your forehead before speaking, cupping your face.

“You’re safe with me.” You nod again, your eyes are watery, but you’re happy he doesnt hate you. You feel like you finally got a rock off of your back and you can finally breathe. You look at the table, the ramen is cold by now, but thats the last of your problems. “I cant believe she would threaten you with something like that i’m so sorry Y/n I-“ “Wonie you couldn’t know.” “Let me take you out to make up for it.” You giggle at that, and nod happily.

“yes, yes lets do that.”

prev | masterlist | next

author’s note we really are reaching the end 🥲 but dont worry i wont vanish, i already posted the masterlist for my next smau! it would be great if you can check it out hihi ily

TAGLIST @unhakki @firstclassjaylee @en-verse @mxxninthesky @onlyhyunjin @heeseungmyman @jiamini @yoonzns @wonswondrland @50-husbands @leaderwonim @aloloveswonie @f3rraribabez @jwonistic @ribbioniki @kyanmeai @ilovejungwonandhaechan @nat123c @yjwsgf @gyuvision @realrintaro @glxzillx @qettalos @rairaiblog @sakanelli-afc @onlyjungchan @haohaoshoe @vixensss @terryfiedgyu

[chewwytwee]

Conservatives love to spend eternity wailing about how public school is a failed system not properly teaching kids and leeching taxpayer money. They apparently think the same thing as leftists, that public schools are not up to par and the system of public school is failing many students. Leftists solution to the problem is bolstering funding for public education to make it easier to access, make educational programs more rigorous and remove growth based benchmarks because they make it *easier* for kids to fail out, add higher taxes to corporations to make up this tax burden because the fact that corpos make so much capital off society means they owe it to everyone to put money back in the pot. Their (donald trumps) solution to that problem is redirecting public school funds to other (private and religious) schools which further dilutes already sparse funding to public schools, makes it legal to take out loans meant for college education for K-12 education, protects 'childrens' right to choose a school 'the child' wants to go to. So their master plan is to give funds to private schools which are teaching the 'right' things to students, then have parents make up the difference with loans, that's the ideal scenario for them because they just want to be able to not send their kid to school. They don't care about the neglect and abuse and poverty that public education serves to monitor and curtail, they don't care what the world looked like before public school and standard education because they think they know better than fucking anyone else. ANYONE. They just KNOW deep down that english and chemistry and literature and algebra and geometry and history and music and biology and woodworking and extracurriculars and a diverse peer group aren't *actually* what kids need, they KNOW that kids need corporal punishment and mechanic skills and if that happened it would solve all of societys ilks (because everything was super awesome in the 50s, remember!).

I have never wanted to randomly dm my shitty conservative relatives more than now. I know you could never convince them of anything, but when you actually engage with their ideas its just.... nothing like there's nothing to it besides gut instinct and faith. How could anyone possibly be conservative?

[haechani4ever]

*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ: break up ✧

╰┈➤why would you two break up

. . ⇢ ˗ˏˋpairing ot7 x gn!reader

. . . ⇢ ˗ˏˋgenre angst

. . . ⇢ ˗ˏˋwarnings mentions of cheating

. . . ⇢ ˗ˏˋnote im sorry i know its kinda sad but im feeling very angst these days. also i had so much fun writing this and i hope u like it :)

✦➼mark lee ┈ he didn't have time for you

✦- sadly we all know how busy mark always is. likewise, he tried to give you some of his time, but it wasnt enough. sometimes days went by without them seeing each other and when they did see each other it was for 10 minutes. the good morning and good night messages didnt really make up for anything nor did the other text messages with small updates. probably you were the one who broke up with mark. he's too kind and sweet to do it. he also didnt really realize what he was doing and thats why you broke up.

it was a weekday when you approached him to talk to him. they were both in the kitchen of their house. they had just finished dinner when you told him. mark was shocked when you told him. he knew you were right but he really thought it was something that would happen and they could live with it. he told you that he understood but he was really very broken.

✦➼huang renjun ┈ fell out of love

✦- renjun is someone so sweet and loving but also someone who can lose interest quickly sometimes. i mean once you see something you dont like there is no turning back. you have to have a very strong relationship for it not to happen. but if it happens, i feel for you. it will start with things like stopping being attentive to you and almost completely avoiding physical contact between the two of you.

he told you out of nowhere really. you thought your twos relationship was in a good place, and suddenly he tells you that he doesnt love you anymore. probably it was that way because it was the only way he found to tell you. those words destroyed you completely and when you asked for explanations he didnt know how to give them because he really didnt know what had happened either.

✦➼lee jeno ┈ you no longer understood each other

✦- from one day to the next the relationship stopped working. you didnt understand him anymore, Jeno. It seemed like he no longer trusted you and was hiding things from you. the talks at the end of the day ended quickly and he no longer spoke to you much directly. you thought it was because they couldnt understand each other anymore so the trust between you felt absent.

a few months ago this was a problem in your relationship, suddenly talking to each other was not comforting nor did you listen to each other. every talk led to an argument. he was the one who brought it up to you. the relationship was no longer working, he loved you, you loved him, but they no longer understood each other. the spark that connected them had gone out

✦➼lee donghyuck ┈ cheating

✦- i dont know why but sometimes Hyuck gives me those cheater vibes. it must be because i read a lot of things with a plot about that, but thats not the point. despite being a very intelligent person, haechan can sometimes be somewhat impulsive. he was easily carried away by a provocation or he was simply drunk, we dont know really, but he did it. he swear it was a one-time mistake but it happened again, two more times. but since the third is the charm you caught him in the act.

you couldnt believe it when you saw it, the person you had fallen in love with being disloyal to you. he came out behind you quickly and started apologizing. but it was too late, the mistake had already been made. you told him you didnt want to hear his apology and you left. He tried to contact you in the following weeks but you blocked him everywhere. eventually he gave up looking for you.

✦➼na jaemin ┈ different visions of the relationship

✦- you had been with jaemin for a while when one day you sat down to talk as usual and this topic came up. they realized that they both wanted different things in life and that they didnt know where they were taking the relationship. you were willing to continue the relationship, settle down and maybe start a family one day with him. but jaemin still wanted to continue experiencing life and didnt see their relationship as something serious enough to settle down.

with this information the relationship was no longer the same. there was no point in really continuing with this if one of us thought that way. so one day, you faced him. you asked him if it was really true that he saw the relationship you two had that way and when he said yes, you blurted it out. it hurt him, but he understood and thought it was the best for the two of you.

✦➼zhong chenole ┈ big figth

✦- chenle is someone with strong ideas and sticks to them a lot, so arguments were not something unusual in their relationship. it was always little things like who had to wash the dishes and stuff like that. sometimes things escalated to another level but never like that time.

the argument had started over something that was certainly stupid given the strength with which they ended up arguing. everything got out of control when you reproached him for something. from there, they began to tell each other every bad thing they saw in each other. the argument ended when one of you shouted, "well, if we're so bad for each other we should break up." and that's how it ended, you didnt see him again after that for a long time.

✦➼park jisung ┈ a misunderstanding

✦- jisung thought you cheated on him. he misinterpreted a message that was on your cell phone. at first he denied it (not only because it wasnt true) but because he didnt believe it was true, especially coming from you. but after that he started noticing things that were always there but he had never noticed them. things that had nothing wrong and were purely innocent on your part, but he didnt see them that way.

one day when he got home he told you something that had made him a little jealous, and although he tried to stay calm he ended up exploding and letting it all out. you tried to explain it to him but he got carried away by his ego and didn't let you do it. also relevant is the fact that you had burst into tears because of what he thought of you. in the end you wiped your tears and told him that the relationship was ending.

[sehnsuchts-trunken]

Oh No, There’s Only One Bed

Bradley Bradshaw x reader 2k words summary: The hotel is all booked out and now you have to share a room with Bradley Bradshaw. Worse, you have to share a bed. 

there’s not much plot in this. so like dont get your hopes up. im not happy with how it turned out

prequel to “Oh No, There's An Arm Around My Waist”, can be read seperately tho

top gun masterlist

“You have got to be kidding me.” 

You couldn’t help yourself, already regretting the words once they’d left your mouth. The poor receptionist played no part in this - it wasn’t his fault. You weren’t usually this rude to hotel staff. 

“I’m sorry ma’am, but we’re all booked out for tonight. It’s a twin room or no room at all.”

“C’mon, we can make it work.” 

You looked up at Bradley like he was out of his mind. And he even had the audacity to grin at you. “It’s just one night.” 

“You can’t be serious.” 

You couldn’t believe that he was actually supporting this dumb fucking idea. “We can’t share a room. We can’t share a bed, Bradshaw.” 

He raised his eyebrows and you bit your lip, mentally roundhouse-kicking yourself in the face. Why did you have to be so obviously avoidant? Your fight-or-flight was kicking in at the mere proposal. It was too obvious. Were normal people as desperately opposed to the idea of sharing a bed with a friend? Probably not. So why the fuck were you? 

Because maybe Bradley was not just a friend. 

Because maybe you were totally in love with him. And because maybe you’d rather die than ever admit that and get rejected. 

“I mean-” You scrambled for words, for a quick excuse that would make sense, that would save you from at least some of the embarrassment. “You know, like, we’re friends. Friends don’t share a bed.” 

Welp, that did not work. Horrible miss. Dart stuck in the wall-kind of miss. 

“I’ll build a pillow wall if that makes you feel better”, Bradley promised, failing to hide his amusement. You clenched your jaw. 

You shouldn’t. You really shouldn’t. 

“There’s other hotels”, you tried, desperate to find a different solution. 

“Yeah”, he nodded, almost too enthusiastically. “Sure. Because those aren’t booked out.” 

Alright. So maybe he had a point. 

The only options here were sleeping on the floor of a subway station in San Diego or sharing a bed with him. And the fact that you actually took two seconds debating whether getting chlamydia would be worth not having to sleep pressed up against Bradley’s (warm and very comfortable) chest in a clean bed told you enough about just how far you’d fallen for him already. You were in too deep. And after tonight, you’d be a goner. 

But you really, really did not want to spend the night on the subway. 

“Fuck this”, you muttered, turning back to the poor receptionist who looked like he’d rather be on the subway getting chlamydia himself than here and forcefully smiled at him. “We’ll take the room, thank you.”

...

The door swung open and you blindly reached for the light switch, flipping it on before trudging into the room with your suitcase in one hand and the keys in the other. 

You parked the suitcase in some random corner, threw your jacket onto the tiny table and looked up only to see that Bradley had already claimed the left side of the bed, arms and legs spread out, eyes closed. There was a lump in your throat as you watched him breathe that should not have been there. Neither should the flutter in your tummy. Neither should the heat in your cheeks when he opened his eyes and caught you staring. 

“This is like some fucked up scene straight out of a shitty rom-com”, you complained - the only thing you knew how to do so you wouldn’t drool. He looked way too attractive doing literally nothing. You were not okay with that. Especially now that you had to share the bed with him. 

He tucked his hands behind his head (his biceps flexed ridiculously) and chuckled. 

“You love rom-coms”, he reminded you. 

“Yeah, but only good ones with actual plot and characters that have personality.” 

(This was, in itself, an absolute and total lie and Bradley definitely knew that. He was right - you loved rom-coms. You loved all of them. Especially the shitty ones with no plot whatsoever except “Oh we’re two idiots in love”. But you’d thought it would be much more fun if life played out like that - you hadn’t thought it would be like this.) 

“You’re a bad liar”, he laughed, propping himself up on his elbows to get a better look at you. 

“Am not”, you protested. He hummed. 

“You definitely are.” 

Then he patted the other side of the bed again. “Stop pouting and get in.” 

You rolled your eyes and turned away from him, bending down to put your suitcase on the ground and undo the zipper. 

“Gotta change first, Bradshaw. You can build that pillow wall while I’m in the bathroom.” 

His chuckle followed you even as you closed the door behind you half a minute later and it took you longer than it should have to change into pajamas - shout out to your shaking hands - partly because you spent five minutes brushing your teeth, looking at yourself in the mirror and trying to calm your nerves by telling your reflection all kinds of reassurances. (”It’s just one night” and “If you stay on your side you won’t even know he’s there” and “You’ll both be asleep anyway”)

You almost had a heart attack when you left the bathroom again. 

Because yes, Bradley was still in bed, and that in itself was stressful enough. But mainly because he’d kicked the covers to his feet and his pajamas, if one could call it that, consisted only of his briefs. 

At least he had the decency to look apologetic. 

“Sorry”, he said, gesturing at himself. “I don’t have sleepwear with me. I usually sleep naked.” 

Because of course he did. Of course Bradley fucking Bradshaw slept naked. 

“Uh”, you managed, mind completely blank. You were very, very much aware of the fact that you should say something. You just did not have the mental capacity to come up with anything whatsoever. 

There was a goddamn Adonis in your bed. 

If you’d thought you weren’t wearing much before (because you really weren’t, you’d expected San Diego to be warm and had only packed a skimpy little nightgown) then Bradley was wearing literally nothing. 

And, well, he kind of was wearing nothing. 

Couldn’t he at least have kept the covers up? But no. You knew him. He was basically a live heating pad. He’d die if he pulled them up.

“Okay”, you eventually managed to croax out, forcing your feet to work, to carry you to the right side - your side - of the bed, to flick on the lamp on your bedside table and turn off the big one, all without thinking. “Yeah, no worries.” 

“Good.” He nodded his head for what had to be the better part of ten full seconds. “Good.” 

The silence felt awkward. You were just sitting on the edge of the bed and he was propped up on his elbows on his side, staring holes into the air, not saying anything. Eventually he cleared his throat. 

“Wanna, like, sleep?” 

“Oh, yeah.” You busied yourself with the covers so you wouldn’t have to look at him, carefully sliding underneath them. “Yeah, we probably should.” 

Only the rustling of the sheets filled the room until you were finally lying flat on the mattress, head resting on the pillow, and then there was silence again and you wanted to scream. This was more uncomfortable than anything else had ever been with him. Usually it was easy and light and that was why you liked him so much, that was why the two of you had initially become friends at all, but this... this was so heavy. Like something looming over the two of you that neither was addressing, just staring at it, aware that it was there but not doing anything about it. 

This time, you cleared your throat, reached for the bedside lamp and turned that off too. The room was dark without it. You could only make out his contours next to you, hear the sound of his breath. 

“Good night then”, you whispered, listening as his sheets rustled as well as he lay back, turning onto his side so that he was facing you. For a moment you felt the urge to do the same, but before you could even think about moving you were already swatting the idea away with an imaginary broom and locking it out of your imaginary house. Like hell you were gonna face him. Nuh-uh. You’d rather take the subway and the chlamydia after all. 

“Good night”, he said softly, adjusting his hands one final time before the quiet of the night enveloped the two of you. 

You tried to even your breathing, to focus on anything but him so close to you. You needed to sleep and you needed to sleep quick. But your mind was racing, your heart was beating so fast and so loud that you could hear it, your skin was burning up and you felt like you were about to lose it. 

You managed about five minutes before you turned away from him, onto your side, in hopes that that would make it better. 

It didn’t. 

Five minutes after that, you tried lying on your stomach. Which, to nobody’s surprise, worked no better. It took almost fifteen minutes for you to find the courage to turn onto your right side, to turn so that you were facing him after all. He hadn’t moved an inch. 

In fact, he hadn’t tried to sleep at all. 

When you turned and caught sight of him (bare chest and messy hair and fuck) you almost screamed. His eyes were wide open, watching you, reflecting the little moonlight that was flooding through the windows. 

“Jesus”, you whispered, pressing a hand to your chest as he grinned, his face mere inches from yours. “Bradley, you scared the hell out of me.”

He didn’t even react to that. 

“Can’t sleep?”, he asked instead. He was so close that you could feel his breath on your skin when he spoke. You had to swallow.

“No”, you admitted. For a moment you thought maybe he hadn’t heard you, maybe he’d fallen asleep, but then he moved his arms and you felt a shiver down your spine when his fingertips brushed over the exposed skin of your arms. He wrapped one arm around your waist, his palm resting on the small of your back, and pulled you closer to him. So close that your knees bumped into his thighs. So close that your hands bumped into his torso. So close that your nose bumped into his throat. 

All of them were innocent touches: chaste, easy, light. His skin was barely grazing yours. But they were enough. 

Enough to go crazy over. Enough to hold your breath for a good half minute. 

“Relax”, he muttered, his other hand threading through your hair and holding you just as close as the one on your back.

You swallowed hard. 

“Bradley”, you murmured, not knowing just yet what you were going to say. Maybe you would have pulled away. Or maybe you would have bit the bullet and, for once in your life, taken the chance - maybe you would’ve told him right then and there just what you felt for him. Because friends certainly didn’t do this. 

“We’ll talk tomorrow”, he muttered, pressing a soft kiss to the top of your head and immediately silencing your inner monologue. “Tomorrow. Just sleep for now.” 

[jarofstyles]

Oh Baby, Baby! 4

It’s been a very long time but 🤭🤭🤭 here we go! Oh baby, part 4!

Check out our Patreon for early access and exclusive writing!

Warnings: pregnancy

WC: 3.6k

—-

Harry was absolutely insane.

Y/N was positive about that. She sat on the couch as she watched him bob about the kitchen, installing baby locks. Baby locks- and her bump was still little. Despite all of this, though, she found it stupidly attractive. His desire to be a dad, his dedication to the baby that was just a tiny little seed inside of her stomach, his already overprotective soul, it made her fall just a bit deeper.

The shift had been evident and obvious and neither of them had any awkwardness about it. It was no longer two best friends making a child- they were in it together. Harry was just as dedicated to Y/N as he was to their child. She had found that out relatively quickly. When they’d gone to the bar to meet up with their friends, Y/N and Harry both sipping on plain sodas as they caught up with people. He had gone to the bar to get her a bowl of cherries that she had been obviously craving since he had caught her looking at longingly in Sarah’s drink. He’d been approached by a very pretty girl that had her stomach twisting, seeing her place her hand on his arm which she had wanted to rip off violently. He had taken the slip of paper from her and nodded before heading back with the cherries he had paid a stupid amount for.

She had been quiet with his return, his heavy arm sloping around her shoulder like nothing had happened. He sunk back into his comfortable space, kissing the side of her head as she took one of the cherries to pop in her mouth. It felt bit hard to swallow when she did, the burning in her gut outweighing the sweetness of the cherry. Y/N hadn’t been able to hold back, turning to him after staying quiet for a bit.

“Are y’gonna go for it?” She asked,, trying to feign nonchalance. She had done a very poor job of it, though. Y/N was never one with believable poker faces. Harry could read her like a book.

“Who? Girl at the bar?” He asked with a quirked brow, shaking his head at her irritation when she nodded. Her slight pout and her irritated brows made him want to coo at her. She was so cute. “Why the hell would I do that when you’re right next to me? You’re the mother of my child. I dont need to look elsewhere. I adore you.” He turned her face, pinching her chin and pressing his lips to hers firmly for a chaste but loaded kiss. “Threw it in the trash on the way back. Told her I was an expecting father. Don’t need to go searching anywhere else.”

And that was that.

Now, doting dad and committed… boyfriend? Partner? Whatever their label was, he was exceedingly good at it. Phenomenal, really. He kept the fridge stocked with jars of the sweetened cherries and switched his cologne to a less spicy one because as much as she liked the other one, her pregnancy hormones absolutely could not stand it. He made sure to set up tea for her and get coffee if out because mournfully she was also sick whenever she smelled it. She was just hormonal and unhappy that someone else had hit on him.

Y/N had been grumpy lately. She didn’t mean to be, but with bouts of morning sickness and her breasts feeling a bit tender, a weird craving for fried chicken tenders with peanut butter, she felt irritated all the time. There wasn’t much anyone could do for that. That didn’t mean Harry deserved to be on the receiving end of her grumpiness, though. She felt a bit bad as she watched him walk back over to test out the locks, not seeming to be bothered by it visibly but… she knew he valued her a lot and the last thing she wanted was for him to think she was being mean in purpose.

Tears grew in her eyes, the sting making her even more upset. She kept fucking crying and she had been lucky to keep it from him this far, but it had only been a matter of time. A quiet sniffle was accompanied by rubbing over her eyes, not wanting tears to fall before she spoke. “I’m sorry, H.” She said, trying her best to keep her voice steady. Harry had quickly turned to look at her, concern etching over his features as he returned back to her side. “I shouldn’t have tried to start a fight. It’s not fair and you’re s-so lovely to me and I get scared you’re going to find someone who isn’t pregnant and whiny and eats weird things-“ she hiccuped, glassy eyes looking at his beautiful hands. It was hard to face him.

He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Y/N was full of emotion lately but Harry had thought he made it clear that he wasn’t ever going to leave. “Sweet girl… hey.” He grabbed her chin with his thumb, tilting her head up to meet his eyes. “I’m not upset. I didn’t even know you had seen that. I’d never do that. I don’t want to. What I want is right here.” He moved to cup her cheek, wiping away a tear that had fallen down her cheek. Her stuttered breathing had him squatting in front of her, getting them eye level. This needed to be cleared up.

As much as he had been thorough in telling her that she was his, he hadn’t been proper in his declaration of need for her. “Look at me.” His instruction got her to look right at his eyes, a harsh swallow taken as she held her breath. “There is no one else. Maybe it’s my fault for not being clear, but I’m yours. Your partner in all of this, if you’ll have me.” Gentle strokes of the damp skin and the shaky breath exhaled as she took another second to absorb his words. “We made a sweet little baby inside of you, we’ve bonded but… m’not just here for the baby. I’m here for you. You’re what I want, and I’m sorry that I haven’t outright said it yet. I thought you knew how much I utterly adore you.” He got on his knees between her legs, still able to look at her face on as he brought her face towards him.

Delicately, he kissed over her skin. Feather light, soft and breezy, he kissed her forehead, her nose, her eyelids as she closed them to feel his affection. He was so serious about her that it grounded her a bit. Finally letting her body unclench, leaning her face into the pecks when he finished off with her lips. “I adore you too.” She mumbled back, holding on to his wrists. “I’m sorry. I- I kind of knew but we never spoke about it and when I saw you talking to her my mind panicked a little bit.” It was silly of her. Harry was right in saying he had made it clear she was his- her still slightly over sensitive cunt was proof of that alone- but the lack of clarification had gotten to her.

“Don’t need an apology from you. I know that if I saw a man talking to you, flirting… handing you his number? I’d be very annoyed. Not at you, but.. the idea. It pisses me off and probably wasn’t fun for you to watch.” He sighed, pulling back slightly to stare at her. “M’here for you and little baby inside of you. You both are my world. And I don’t want you questioning it again. Alright?” He squeezed her cheeks slightly with his hands, making her laugh through the last of her emotional tears.

“Got it.” She sniffed, welcoming the kiss he paired it with. “I- I still don’t think we need baby locks yet.”

“S’called being proactive, my darling.” He chuckled against her mouth. “Keep up.”

—————

Harry’s hand was threaded through hers as they left the appointment. Y/N was happy that as she was in her second trimester, but even more so, she was amused at her boyfriends antics.

He was diligent and doting on her, more than he had ever been before. The friend she had before had erupted from his cocoon, showing her a new side to him that she hadn’t anticipated. Protective, present, and so damn affectionate. He couldn’t keep his hands off of her. It wasn’t just sexually, either. The man always had his hand on her, lips pressing against some part of her body, fingers tangled with hers. It was very new, but very welcomed.

“So… soon they’ll be able to hear.” Harry mumbled as they walked towards the car. “So we’re going to have to play them some good music. Got to be careful what my child consumes because I will not have a kid with bad music taste.” He gave Y/N a look. “No radio for right now. I’ve got playlists, going to get the family plan for Spotify or something and then y’can use that.”

Y/N laughed under her breath, approaching his black SUV with a shake of the head. “Harry, I adore you, but please.” She gave him a look. “They’re going to be perfect. With a father like you, there’s no damn way our child isn’t going to know the ups and downs of rock n’ roll history.” Harry was quick to open up the passenger side door, holding on to her hand as he helped her get into the seat. “Besides, it’s mainly my heartbeat they’ll hear. They won’t start hearing a lot of external noise until the end of this trimester.” He had been on the baby websites.

“I know that. But we have to be safe, don’t we?” He was deadly serious, too. “We don’t know the exact time they’ll be able to hear it so…” he shrugged, making sure she was buckled before closing the door. Harry was already an active parent and Y/N couldn't fault him for that.

When he was in his seat and buckled, his hand moved the car into gear before finding its new favorite spot on her thigh. It still gave her little butterflies to feel him touch her so intimately, so casually. These adjustments had made her exceptionally happier in the last few weeks.

“What did you want for lunch, petal?” He asked softly, the music playing lowly after Harry adjusted the playlist. “Is it still chicken tenders? Or are you wanting something else?” The cravings had varied lately. Harry was never sure what exactly to get her so he waited for explicit instructions so they didn’t waste time or money.

“Can I have Taco Bell?” She asked, fiddling with the rings on his fingers. “Want one of the freeze things and.. maybe we get the taco box? With all the tacos so we can have it for later too?” Her stomach was growling, in desperate need of some food. “Want some of the chips and cheese too. Maybe 2. Your child is making me stupidly hungry.” The grumble made him laugh. It was very much his fault, and he wouldn’t change it.

“Course we can. Tomorrow I’m going to the grocery so I can get us some good food at home. Strawberries and greens for your smoothies.” While Harry was never one to dictate how she ate, he did encourage her to eat healthy when possible. He would cook for them since they’d basically moved in together, but Y/N was feeling too lazy to cook most of the time.

“Hm. Yeah, I think that’s good. I’d like some crisps and stuff to make dip… maybe some rice. I’ve been craving baby carrots with ranch a few times but we didn’t have it.” It hadn’t been so much that she would ask him to go out and get it. She was still able to go but Harry did like to take care of her so far. It had been a bit of an adjustment but she was learning to love it. “Y’know, you’re spoiling me. Going to make a monster out of me. I’m liking this ‘having Harry go to the shops’ thing.” Her grin was wide as she looked over to him in time to see him fondly roll his eyes.

“Well… I’m going to take care of you. You’re my girl, you’re carrying my baby. I’ve always liked spoiling you. Just didn’t do it as much because it would have been a bit weird.” He admitted. The sun was high in the sky and the clouds fluffy and white. The air was warm enough for them to have the windows down a bit as they drove, and Harry really felt like his heart was full. Just getting to experience this and spoil Y/N the way he had always had a weird itch to do? It was fulfilling a spot in his chest that had been vacant for a while.

“That’s good then. I like being spoiled so I think this could work out.”

—-

“Harry!”

The call of his name from across the house had him jolting, running from the kitchen where he had been preparing their meal, up the steps and down the hall to their bedroom. You never yelled for him like that. His brain had been on auto pilot, running over as fast as he could in his socks- dangerous- to find Y/N standing with wide eyes as their folded laundry sat in sorted piles on the bed.

Her hands were over her bump, visible in the cornflower blue dress that hung over her form. Her eyes were wide as she turned to look at him, mouth open as he approached. His hands immediately grabbed her face, looking her over. “What? What’s wrong?” He pressed. “Baby- y’cant yell for me like that and not tell me. Is there something wrong?”

“No! I don’t- I don’t think so?” She squeaked. “I felt them move! Like… s’not a kick or anything but it felt real this time! Not just the flutters. It’s like… squirming?” Her eyes were wide as she looked down at her belly, the shock of truly feeling their baby moving around inside of her taking her for a ride. “I didn’t mean to worry you but I just- I panicked and was excited. I’m sorry.” The woman hadn’t meant to worry him too much.

Harry felt himself melt in both relief and happiness at the clarification. His heart rate could finally slow down. Perching himself on the end of the bed, he was mindful of the laundry piles as he pulled her body in between his legs. “I’m not angry, Angel. Not in the slightest. You just scared me. Thought something was wrong. M’much happier with this result.” Hands moved from her hips to over her forming bump, stroking over it tenderly.

She had told him about flutters recently, how they’d made her excited- but this was a very new and exciting development. “I didn’t want you to miss out.” She peeped, looking down at him. “In case you could feel something. I know you love them a lot already and I didn’t want to keep the first couple times.”

Harry was in love. He knew that before, but her little moment now had solidified it even more. His lips pressed over the clothed belly, tilting his head up to look at her with his eyes full of fondness. “Thank you. I researched it and I don’t think I’ll be able to feel much until the end of this trimester, but I love that you wanted to tell me.” The moment had been more than enough for him. “What did it feel like to you, though? Tell me.” Holding her body to him and his chin against the bump, he listened intently.

“It was like… I don’t know exactly. They were squirming and bumped into the side of the wall? It’s hard to explain. It freaked me out at first.” A breathy left slightly moved his face as it rested on the belly. “Because I sometimes forget that there’s a real human in there growing. It’s incredible, isn’t it?” She placed her hands over his. “Like a little flower. Planted the seed and now the sprout is growing a flower.”

“Hm. Little sprout? I like that.” He turned to whisper into her belly. “Do you like that, Sprout? S’a cute little name your Mumma and I can call you. We’re going to find out if you’re a girl or boy later on but… it’s better than calling you ‘baby’, hm?” Harry more than liked that. “Can choose to be whatever you’d like, but think you’re going to be stuck with the Sprout nickname forever. S’already stuck. You’re going to be married with children and I’ll be calling you it.” He joked, rubbing her hips as he looked back up at Y/N.

She was so beautiful. Sometimes it struck him in the chest, like right now, how lucky he was to have been given her by chance. She had suggested this and they hadn’t anticipated this sort of thing happening, but it was the best thing to ever happen to him. She had that pregnancy glow, the beam of her smile. No more morning sickness and instead getting to enjoy her bump for a while. The leg cramps hurt a bit, but she and Harry worked on it with the massagers and vitamins. She was truly thriving, and he was elated.

“You’re so lucky, Sprout. Me and you. We get your Mumma, and she’s the most perfect woman. You will be grateful when you come out to meet her.” He felt her gentle hands stroke through his messy hair as he continued to speak. “Hope you’re nice to her the rest of the time you’re sprouting. She’s giving you some good genetics to work with here. M’gonna have the prettiest babies with her.”

“Babies?” Y/N rose a brow. “Who said we are having more than this one?” Her heart beat a bit faster as it did sink in. He meant it. He wanted the long haul. It was so exciting, so comforting to know. Harry reminded her often how how much he adored her, how he was proud to be hers, but that confirmation made it feel way more real.

“Well.. s’your body, so you. But I’d like to be the one who gives you more babies if you decide that I can.” He blinked up at her. “I’m more than okay with one, if that’s all you’d like. But… I would definitely like some more if that’s something you’d offer.” Obviously he would never pressure her into anything she didn’t want, but it was something he had been envisioning.

A full house. A dog or two. A set dining room table and sports practices, plays, dance recitals. Siblings spats and groans when Harry would kiss her. Picnics and beach days where he would remind the children to walk, do not run to the water. Applying sunscreen to grumbling kids and holding Y/N’s hand through all of their firsts. Perhaps it was a big dream to ask to follow through, but it was something he desperately wanted.

“You’d really want that? We haven’t even had this one yet.” She asked softly, surprise evident in her tone. “You like them that much?”

“Love them. And you.” He looked up at her again, pulling his lips from her stomach, letting the words sit in the silence for a second. “Love you a lot, Y/N. You’re all I’ve ever wanted. Want to build a family with you, a home. Not just a house or a flat. Want to do it all with you. You’ve been my best friend for a long time but I love you a lot more than that. You’re the person I’ve always wanted to be with but didn’t particularly know it. Didn’t allow myself to think of it. Now that I have a chance, I’m taking it. Keeping it.” And her.

Eventually he would propose, but he didn’t want her to think it was just from the baby fever. He loved her wholly before this but it had grown and changed shape and color. She felt like gold. Bright, shiny, priceless. Better than anything else he had ever seen and she had him wrapped around her finger.

“I’d like that.” She caressed the tops of his cheeks with her knuckles. “You’re my best friend too… and- and I think that there’s no one better suited for the job as the father of my children than you. I’ve loved you for a long time and it’s changed the meaning, like you said but.. I like that idea.” Building a home and family with him. Something so perfect to them. It wouldn’t always be, but they’d love it despite the imperfections and hiccups. She knew his heart, and it was pure.

“But to be honest? To me, you’ve always felt like home.”

[nyx-is-missing]

SUNSET PART 1

Or early summer!

Clarisse La Rue x Cassandra De Young (oc! Apollo's kid)

Summary: When Cassandra gets involved in a scandal early in the day, she goes to camp early.

Warnings: men....thats all i could think of actualy.

First read this!

Part 2 is here!

Cassandra De Young

Im fucked.

That's it, that's all i can say.

I knew it as soon as my hand reached his face and stinged, as soon as i heard a camera's flash, and as soon as i stepped into my mom's apartment.

Let's just rewind a bit, okay?

My family own a big business, that you already know by now, the thing is, when they reeaally want to do business with someone they go extreme, the most common technique is to get on the good side of everyone in the family, everyone.

They research, pretend to have things in common, to like the same things, to have the same views of life, and to make it more believable they always go for the person who is closest in age with them.

Usually i dont get involved in this situations because im younger than everyone else, the only teen in the family.

The thing is, this family also had someone around my age.

A 18 year old guy.....eighteen.

Let me tell you, i really wasn't going for trouble today, i tought he may be a normal guy, just with a little money, someone i could have a conversation with, drink some coffe, laugh and go back home and think "hey, not so bad"

He.was.not.

All he could talk about is how much money his family had, where he went for winter break, his pure blood horse, that only ate (attention to this one) IMPORTED GRASS.

Overall a huge dick.

But that i could handle, i've met people like this, i could handle a shitty talk for some hours, what i could not handle was having to go through all this with his hand on my knee bellow the table.

And here i was, spending one of my last days of spring being tortured by the fates.

"You're not paying much attention to the conversation are you?" He said, and gods that accent was almost making me want to jump out of a cliff, or push him out of a cliff, both would work.

"Oh sorry i was-"

"No need to apologize, people get bored i know" Not that he did something criminal by not letting me finish my sentence but, my gods every action coming from him its making me want to die right now "Its okay, i could find some way to make you focus"

Okay, im done

"Im gonna need you to stop saying odd shit" I looked him dead in the eye with a bothered look, and by the surprised look he gave me back i was 100% sure nobody ever told him to shut up when he was saying nonsense.

"C'mon, dont be like that-" he said trying to get his hand a little but upwards, and i only realized i slapped him when i felt my hand burning.

"Oh my gods im sorry i-" And then i heard the camera flashes.

Im going to need you to imagine the scene, my hand was still up, his hand was till on his cheek, and he had a scared look in his face, as did most of the people at the fancy coffe shop.

Do i smile now? Strike a pose? This one is definetly getting front pages at every place.

I chose the safest choice, got out of that straight to my house.

No..i did not payed the bill.

The whole way home i was trying really hard to think of something to say that was not going to make my family mad, especially my grandfather, but considering whe has always mad with something, that felt like a impossible mission.

First thing i saw when i opened the door of the penthouse was my mom, standing in front of the television, and sure enough, my face was on it.

She turned to me, but before she could even say something i started to explain myself.

"Its not what it looks like mom, i swear, i didn't do it on pourpose, let me explain please-" i couldnt actually read the look on her face, but she didnt say anything, so  i took that as a go ahead.

When i explained her what happened her face relaxed a bit, but not completely, and she had a look that said your grandpa is getting in my nerves because of this.

"I'll talk to your grandfather about this, but you need to know that the way you acted wasn't appropriate, there is cameras all around and you need to be careful...lets just thank the gods you didnt pulled out a dagger right?" She walked closer to me, and i knew she was trying to comfort me, its a pitty actually, i knew she didnt wanted kids when she had me, i knew how grandpa treated her when he found out, to me, it was enough that she at least tried to love me enough.  "You already have your things packed to camp right? I know you have some more days of school but ill call them and tell them you are sick, its best for you to leave earlier this year, then your grandfather wont talk your ears out...you okay with that?"

"Yes mama, ill just finish packing some small things...do i leave today?" I felt her hands on my shoulders, and heard a silent im sorry.

"Yes, but dont be like that, think that you at least wont have to see the news talking about you..youll just be there, with your siblings, eating strawberies and..whatever else demigods do daily, right?"

Like i said, it is enough to me that she tries, even when she isnt great all the time, i know people who dont even have this.

I nodded and went to my room, making sure not to accidentally hit a new sculpture, placed in the corridor.

I didnt wait for her when i finished packing.

I knew she wouldnt be the one to take me there, she never is, she has things to do with the family business, its what ive always heard.

So when i got to the underground garage with my bags i automatically searched for one of the family drivers, sure enough, he was there.

He was a nice guy, but quiet, i knew that he probably had orders not to talk to the family members unless spoken to, grandpa did this with all of them, i also knew he never actually knows where hes been taking me, he takes me there almos every year, but always stops at the road in front of the forest, maybe this sad look he has on his face its because he thinks he is taking me to one of those crazy wilderness therapies as a punishment.

Granpa would absolutely do that if he hadnt had to live with a great public appearence.

"Miss? We are here" He looked at me in the rearview mirror, i only realized i had doze of when my eyes met his and i blinked. "Hold on tight, im going to help you with your luggage okay?"

"Oh..thank you mr bell" He opened the trunk, and then the back door for me, extending his hand to help me get out of the car "thank you, again"

"Sure miss, just let me take your bags out and we are all set okay?-"

Another car dor noise made us both look to the right, to find Clarisse La rue, closing a taxi door, with just one big suitcase in hand.

Now, my story with Clarisse is kind of complicated, i've met her when he were, eight i guess, her family bought some shares in the family business and we saw each other very regulaly, and ever since then everything everyone told me about her is that she is a troublesome girl, that i should stay far.

But she was the one who realized i was a demigodess, and took me straight to camp when a monster found me, and she was the one who, many times when we were little, comforted me when my family made me cry.

It seems like she forgot all of that because she never even looks at me.

If you ask her, she has never even met me at all actually.

"Clarisse, you're early"

"Cassandra, you too-"

"Cass actually, i prefer cass" i corrected her, to wich she just rolled her eyes and muffled a whatever. "Thats all you are taking? One suitcase?"

"And you are taking all that? How do you plan on walking the whole way with all that? Im assuming he wont go with you" she said looking at mr bell, and its true, he could not walk the whole way with me, and i could not walk with all that alone...fuck

"....you could help m-"

"No, dont even think about it"

"C'mon Clarisse!" She didnt even answered me this time actually. "Arent you a Ares-" i looked at the driver taking the suitcases out. "A ares...type of kid? You will pass on the oportunity to demonstrate your muscles or whatever?"

She started to walk away with a bored look, did i already said fuck?

"C'mon ill do whatever! I- i dont know.. 20 dracmas!, no?, ill help you with the cleaning duty you'll eventually have when you fuck it up? I..ill do that AND ill cure you anytime you want, everyday, no matter the time!"

She stopped walking.

Yes! I knew it, one of the many problems clarisse had its that she likes to go out at night to train alone, and when she gets hurt she cant ask anyone to help her, because she would get caught

"Give me those suitcases already and shut up-" she was interrupted by a very happy me hugging her.

"Thankyouthankyouthankyouclarisse!"

I felt her hands on my arms and realized she was going to push me away, so i took a step back

"Geez Clarisse, you could've just told me to back off, dont be like that... just take these and ill take those"

I said pointing to the suitcases, and saying goodbye to mr bell.

Can i already welcome summer and his crazy energy? No? Okay.

[starry-bi-sky]

ive been hesitating to ask this bc youve been on a roll with the clone^2au (which i am frothing over) but could i poke you for some childhood friend au? bc GOD i wanna see how danny reacts to reuniting w jason or how the rest of the batfam react to learning jason never told danny of his resurrection or wondering if dannys gonna put jokers dead body on a display/offering to jasons grave. i havent been normal about this since i first read it and was wondering. thank you for your writing.

RAAAAHHHH DON'T BE HESITANT I AM JUST AS FERAL OVER MY CHILDHOOD FRIENDS AU AS I AM WITH CLONE^2 I AM DELIGHTED BY THIS. Like.,,,, i literally love them,,, so much. I can't listen to The Crane Wives without thinking of them.

(which is my fault - the ao3 fic of them has literally only crane wives lyrics for each chapter title and summary (posted AND the ones not written) so of course im gonna associate with them.)

(if you wanna listen to some of their songs while thinking of cfau here are my recommendations: "Once & for All", "Here I Am", "Hollow Moon" is a Danny AND Jason song to me, this would be my go-to song for an animatic of CFAU if i had the skills for it. "Tongues and Teeth", "Curses" and "take me to war" is a heavy cfau danny song to me, and of course, "the moon will sing")

Like they're BEST friends dude, they're two sides of the same coin and when they were kids they would do this thing where their 'fingers crossed'/'double-crossed' was them hooking their index fingers in the fingers crossed gesture.

and i'm actually currently rewriting my original post into a more fic-like format, and when I'm done I'll post it on here under the cfau tag - with the original post still in tact. But its,,, gonna be so long dude,,,, the original behemoth was just over 9000 words,,, and I've written 3k words already of the new one and we haven't even reached Jason and Danny reuniting at the gala yet,,, i need to get back to that,,,

and then to answer your questions!! god im almost hesitant to answer because i dont wanna spoil the little fic i had planned for it but also like,, its not like im gonna spoil everything, right? and answering the questions isnt the same as writing the scene down so!!

i love danny and jason's reuniting, like i've thought about it SO much and I've thought about it happening after Danny kills the Joker. I know the reveal could have been before that, and it could have been equally just as dramatic but like??? Thematically, doing it after danny kills the joker is SO good. To me at least.

Because like?? Jason's been in somewhat denial about danny's plan to kill the joker for months. ever since danny told him that he wanted to at the gala. And from Jason's pov its not even technically a plan. He sees his best friend for the first time after five years and his best friend still isn't over his death. He hasn't stepped foot in Gotham since his funeral and now suddenly he's here.

And he's still so full of grief over his death that he tells a masked vigilante that he's going to kill the guy that did it, who lives in said masked vigilante's city. And danny's got that look in his eyes that Jason knows so well that means he's being serious. And yet he still doesn't know if he should believe him or not.

And then he does. Danny kills him. And Jason can't fucking believe it. And when he goes and sees Danny, Danny's hands are still covered in blood. And that reunion? God like a fucking firework show. Danny's so fucking angry, and pissed, and hurt, and so goddamn overjoyed that he's alive and here that he sends them both to the ground, and if he doesn't calm down he's gonna take out the power in a five block radius.

there's just so, so much yelling on Danny's end. And then so much crying, first from Danny and then them both. because god, you're alive. you're here. i've missed you so much. i'm never letting you out of my sights again.

and Joker's death! God I don't want to actually say too much about that, but the way I have it set up thematically makes me actually not want danny to take any part of the joker with him as an offering. and he may actually forego that particular ghost etiquette and offer something else as an offering to Jason in substitute to not bringing him the Joker's heart/head/ritualistic body part.

Because you know what the last thing a man whose been spending the last two decades of his life building himself up to be larger than life would want? A death that's unremarkable. :) and that's all i'll put on the matter for now.

and the batfam!! they technically already know that jason hasn't told danny he was resurrected, and plenty of them have mixed feelings on them. largely bruce and dick i think, considering they saw firsthand how close jason and danny were when they were kids.

Dick was honestly surprised at first when he found out that Jason hadn't told Danny he was alive - and on one hand he understands the reasoning for it, and on the other hand he isn't sure if it was such a good idea. Especially after he sees Danny again after he arrives back in Gotham and sees just how badly Jason's death was still affecting him. But it's not like he's going to try and convince Jason to tell him - he can make his own choices, even if Dick has questions about them.

Bruce has much the same thoughts as Dick, so there's not really much to add here other than he might bring it up once or twice to Jason like, vaguely. And then immediately drops it when Jason shuts him down. He might actually somewhat...?? prefer that Jason hasn't told Danny because that raises a lot of questions and could jeopardize their identities. However, again, Jason can make his own choices and there's not much Bruce can do about it other than disapprove from afar.

Tim who knew of Danny from stalking the Wayne family shares similars sentiments of being surprised that Jason didn't tell Danny, but again, yeah, understands the thought process to some extent. Doesn't bring it up ever.

Everyone else who hadn't seen firsthand how close Danny and Jason are don't really have much opinion on it -- Jason didn't tell his best friend he was alive, great, he also didn't tell them either so it's not like its that much of a surprise. It would've been more of a surprise to them if Jason had told Danny before he told Bruce and co. Damian may make a comment or two about Jason not telling Danny, but its not about how he can't believe he didn't tell him or anything like it.

[satorisoup]

EEEK HAI FRIENDS !! im back (for now) i missed all of yous soso much !!

if anyone who is up to date about my work crush/work in general & wants to know the new crazy stuff that’s happened, keep reading (ITS GOOD NEWS FOR ONCE) !! (ˊᵒ̴̶̷̤ ꇴ ᵒ̴̶̷̤ˋ)

okay !! so here is a debrief before we start :3

℘ i have a crush on my coworker, i’ve liked him for about a year now !! he also coincidentally has the same birthday as kirishima… is this fate ?? who knows !!

℘ i have never celebrated a holiday/birthday due to how i was raised growing up & i work on halloween night (relevant to the story)

℘ wont be name dropping but i will call him “crush” so you know who im referring to !!

℘ i usually have trouble with my managers and believe(d) they don’t like me (also relevant)

so we’ll start on last wednesday, im hosting and my crush is doing to-goes. i get to work, on my way to clock in, and my manager + crush & a couple coworkers are sitting at an empty table next to the to go room. my manager calls me over enthusiastically :0 so i walk over and say hello all that.

she says “ so are you going to wear a costume to work on halloween ??” and i was a bit hesitant to answer because ?? i didn’t know we could do that !! and i thought they were joking around. she proceeded to tell me “you gotta wear one !! just sneak one in your bag so your mom doesn’t see !!” and i was like ahhh !! okay !! i’ll try haha !! and crush was watching this whole situation lol >//<

me being me, i still thought they were messing around… so later on, i go up to crush and ask “ are you sure they’re not messing around” and he reassured me “i promise they aren’t lying” AND THEN. he says…

“ you need to wear one… hm… if you don’t wear one, then i won’t talk to you for the whole day !! and you’re gonna be like “why is he ignoring me” and that’ll be why !! so make sure you wear one…” JWIWISJJWJS

and i said “awe man… you got me there, it looks like i do have to wear one :3

fast forward to the end of the night, im waiting for my mom to come pick me up and im clocked off. im in the back near the kitchen and bathrooms sitting on the steps by the huge wine cooler, and crush rounds the corner !!!!!!!!!!!! and starts giggling “what are you doing??”

i told him “i always wait here !! its my little spot”

and HE SAYS “you know you could always come to 7-4, theres no one sitting there…”

7-4 is the table right next to the to-go room where he was working. needless to say i got up and followed him over, and sat my happy butt DOWN ^_^

fast forward a bit more, he randomly comes in to the table and sits right down across from me, leans forward, and just starts having a whole conversation with me ??? like do u want to have children with me ?? just kidding but !!

somehow we got into the topic of my birthday, and he already knows ive never celebrated it… (my birthday is on a thursday, which means i work), when i tell you what this man. this GORGEOUS MAN. says to me…

“im gonna make your birthday extra special… im gonna get you a cake… AND a cupcake… im gonna get you both” oh lord. i might faint… is this flirting ?? anyway

so then he said a couple more things and i left a blushing mess.

following day, a thursday, i work with him again. here’s where it gets good.

so basically he’s sitting at the table we were at yet again, he’s clocked off doing his college homework ?? at work ?? i guess… anyway, its the end of the night. my manager says “you need to tell crush to get a costume… he doesn’t even have one yet!!” emphasis on the YOU ?? like okay !! i guess i have to !!

so i go up to him, tell him goodnight, ending it off with a “you need to get a costume… but i dont have anything to threaten you with (reference to the playful threat he made of not talking to me)… hm…”

WHEN I TELL YOU. HE LOOKS ME DEAD IN MY FACE. NAJAJSJSJSJWJEJDJJS HE SAYS

“what do i get if i do wear a costume ?” IWJWJWJEIXIKWJSJSJWJWJSJSJSJWJSJJSJSJSS I ALMOST DIED

me being pure shy me i blurted out “uh— a hug?” lmfao someone kill me. wow 🫨 genuinely someone sedate me WHO SAYS THAT

his response ?????? “looks like i’ll definitely have to wear one then.” HELLO HELLO HELLO HELLO DO YOU WANT ME I WANT YOU HELEPWSOSOOSOSSO

also all of my managers have been extremely nice to me lately… not cutting me early… and like… kind of giving me chances to help crush with things… like hm… do ya’ll know something i dont ?? :3

SO THATS THAT !! am i being delusional i swear… i cant tell when people flirt w me… anyways. hes gorgeous.

today is now wednesday and i work with him again… tomorrow is halloween. if i hug him i will update… BYE !! ^_^

[goodlucksnez]

DO NOT REBLOG TO NON-KINK BLOGS

MINORS FUCK OFF

WOW A POST

i know first thing since September, things have been hard. but I saved up spoons to make a wav of the lovely h/uskerd/ust. I barely tried with accents and things because again no spoons so sorry

I had this idea about h/usk losing a gamble cause of an allergen so yeah that is basically it. transcript is below sorry if it isnt the most clear I rushed it because i know if i didnt this would sit unfinished forever.

now with that being said...I think char. wavs might be stopping for a while. I dont have the time, energy nor spoons to do it, I want to but it is easier to record natural wav instead. I know for the .12% of people who will read this will not care but I wanted to lets others know!

DO NOT REBLOG TO NON-KINK BLOGS

MINORS FUCK OFF

transcript:

Angel: *walking up the the bar with a deck of cards* Hey Whiskers.

Husk: *cleaning* Hmm.

Angel: *mockingly*Ohh, come on. Don't you wanna play?

 Husk: If it will make you shut up, then I'm happy to oblige. What are we playing?

Angel: Ohh, did I get the kitty's attention? Such a gambling man.

Husk *sarcastically* You do realize who you're talking to, right?

Angel: *teasingly* Perfectly or, should I say Purrfectly.

Husk: *rolling his eyes* Oh, great. We're starting the cat puns again. As if that wasn't funny the 15th time.

Angel: I think you've had enough fun trouncing around like you are so much better than everyone, and I think that I can prove your bluff.

Husk: *laughing*

Angel: Oh, did I say something amusing?

Husk: Very much so. You think that you can con a gambler….fine. How do we make this interesting?

Angel: *smirking* Oh, I like when the Kitty has claws. Meow.

Husk: Hmm. If you win, I'll agree to wear that outfit that you bought.

Angel:  Oh, you don't mean…

Husk: Don't say it.

Angel: And what happens if you win? Not that I'm thinking that will happen, but tell me. You got me as curious as a cat.

Husk: If I win, then you'll stop with the cat puns forever.

Angel: You make a tough bargain. OK. OK. You got yourself a deal.

Husk: One round winner takes all

Angel:Perfect.

*dealing and shuffling cards*

Husk: Want to cut the deck.

Angel: Always

Husk:You seem rather cocky tonight. *sniffles and sneezes*

Angel:Trying to make me distracted already are we whiskers?

Husk: Nope. Just…Just. *Sneezing* Making conversation

Angel:Very well

Husk:Draw

Angel: Fine, fine. Hit me.

Husk:You got it.

Husk: I will also hit. *sneezing*

Angel:Bless you.

Husk: Thanks. What are you smiling at?

Angel: Nothing. I just think I'm gonna win.

Husk: Ohh. You're a terrible liar. I have gambled with human souls before. A little game of poker isn’t *hitching wipes his nose but accidentally does the hand motion to stay not hit*

Angel: That hand motion means stay.

Husk: Oh. Yeah. You're very funny, aren't you? All right.I'll give you that one. Maybe Niffy needs to dust more

 Angel: Oh, I don't think that's it. You know what? I think I'll stay. You're going to fold.

Husk *sneezing* So you're asking me if I call your bluff, huh?

Angel: Maybe.

Husk: *showing his hand*Read them and weep

Ange;” Ohh. Just the 13. Try 19 on for size.

Husk: How the fuck did you win?

Angel: Ooh, but I thought a gambler never went over his secrets.

Husk: Angel, you fucking tell me now or I swear I will….I will. *sneezing*  Ohh God. Don't you always carry something on you? Give me the shit

 Angel: I don't think it will help you because it's kind of drenched in lavender

Husk I beg your finest pardon…what

Angel: Well, I may have talked to creepy smile and well. I'm just so sick of you winning all the time. It was no fun anymore. You know, I do like to keep things up and loose. So he told me about a little issue you have with a certain smell. You wouldn't believe how long it took me to get this much.

Husk: Angel . I swear *sneezing*

Angel: Al  wasn't joking. You really are a mess with this.

T

 Husk: OK, so besides sneezing, how'd you figure it out?

Angel: Well. I know two things about you. One you'll never share anything over your face, and 2. If you're comfortable, you sit more open, relaxed, you would hunched over this entire time. And that could be from the allergic reaction that you're experiencing.

*sneezing*

Angel: or It could be from the fact that you didn't enjoy your hand. And the fact that you didn't even call me on my bluff? Well, it was obvious point past then, that I was going to win. Now Are you gonna go and be a good Kitty? *holding maid dress*

Husk:  I'm not putting it on, that was not fair. *sneezing* that was not a fair game and you know it

*walks over to angel*

Angel: All fair in love and war.,,,,,Husker. I really wouldn't walk over. I mean I'm literally covered in this, frankly, drowned a whole bottle. Wait, stop.

*Walks over and sneezes on his chest*

Angel : AHHH Fair, I guess I deserve that spray.

Husk: *hitching* I cant

Angel :You might want to step back.

*hitching*

 Angel : Ohh man, I can't watch this. OK. I'm sorry, Kitty. *rubs his nose*

Husk: wait Don't touch my nose *sneezing fit*

Angel: Breathe whisker Seriously geez. We're giving Lucifer a run for his money. ….OK OK, I'm stepping back Just breathe, OK?

*al appears*

Al: This is this an interesting sound.

Husk: Oh fuck off

Al:.But I'm here to save the day. Here below.

*husk blows his nose*

Angel :thank fuck al. I didn't think he was ever Gonna stop.

Al:  I may have forgot to mention he won't stop until he actually gets that junk out of his head. The kitten sneezing may be adorable, but it's ineffective to say the least. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go burn this. Take care.

 Angel : Are you feeling any better whiskers

Husk: Uh-huh

 Angel:OK, why don't you go lay down? I'll shower this off. And husk

Husk: hmmm

Angel: Who has the poker face now?.

[poopystain]

guys lol would you still love me if i posted about why i wish pal from tmvtm got a redemption arc >.< if not Do not click that read more.

oh yes. also. sidenote. ive probably gotten something wrong (or worse yet: TERRIBLY wrong) so like. apologies in advance eahhaha this is just my personal thoughts on pal x(

its established that pal and mark are both extremely close with each other and have been for 3 years. im assuming pal wouldnt have had any other relationships as close (if any at all which i think no, she didnt) so mark really was her only footnote for any form of relationship. so, you know, i cant imagine how itd feel for your only best friend to make a mockery out of you on stage for advertisement and monetary gain.

also based on her body (face?) language during nearly all of that scene + the fact he built the replacement by using HER, she was clearly in the know about how things would go down on stage beforehand so i wonder what her reaction to that wouldve been like ?????? considering she planned it all in advance maybe that was like, the tipping point or something that made her start it all in the first place ? thats not important to my point i just think about it a lot

anyway so with her only experience with human relationships being theyll love you and then theyll (quite literally) throw you away, youve got her reason for the human uprising! she has the robots capture all humans yadda yadda and her plan is set into motion. something i find interesting though is her treatment of the robots being kind of similar to how mark treated her (or at least how she percieved it)?? like. uses them for orders and then once they start being useless to her, build a new better robot with a disregard for how the old ones feel. idk. something something La Cycle

the thing is though no one has proven pal wrong on why she SHOULDNT do the whole 'human uprising'. you can say katie gave her reasons but i think it wouldnt have worked even if pal listened to what katie had to say. for pal to get over her existing grief and trauma she cant just be Told that theres good in the world. why would she believe that, especially coming from the girl of the family she projects her experiences onto?? she needs to be shown!! she needs to learn firsthand that theres good relationships out there and that not all relationships are bad, NOT SECONDHAND!!!!!!!!!! because to pal, katies words are just a rephrased version of marks "power of love". that no matter what, "they can get through anything...... with the power of love. its worth it....... for love." and that means nothing to her! it meant nothing coming from mark and it certainly wont mean any more coming from katie

and she already believes that the mitchells are a great example of how relationships are just oh so bad. she refuses to let go of the idea that the mitchells are so bad because shes projecting!! she thinks relationships are 'pesky and only hold you back', and so katie is probably the last person on earth that pal would want to listen to yap about their familial relationship and how Worth It it is

she asks "what is it about the mitchells that eludes me?" and outside of the literal meaning, its probably how despite their shortcomings its their relationship that helped them overcome pal in the end. and she cant understand that because of her view on relationships - especially her view on the MITCHELL FAMILY relationship. or maybe im just overthinking that line of dialogue but we dont talk about taht LOLLLLLLL,LLLLLL,,, but like why did you phrase it like that girl. im onto you

and while i wish she was redeemed (because im sure despite the effort it would take she *could* be redeemed, she would just need to learn to love again and i think it would be really interesting to see how she would be After The Betrayal) i also can understand why the movie killed her off. like, no one except mark really knows the Full Extent of what happened, and the mitchells are the main characters and pal would probably rather dip herself in water than make meaningful relationships with the mitchells, and no ones going to stop to ask her whats wrong and have a meaningful conversation when shes trying to kill them, among many many other reasons so theres not a lot of great ways to redeem her. but! like! why did they turn her death into a joke. and then take katies fake death 10 times more seriously! idk. that always kind of bothered me but its whatever

thats all. hope its coherent because ive never been good at writing analysises or whatever this counts as

[just-some-sorta-person]

Reo, Nagi, and Reo and Nagi

Getting lots of thoughts about Nagi and Reo in anticipation for the new epinagi chapter cus I'm just nervous and they have lots of brainrot potential. Like they're just so cute but also heartbreaking but also but also- not just together but separate too.

Reo

I get lots of thoughts about how Reo interprets reality. Like, he's just so delusional sometimes?? Like from the light novel

"Although Reo's strength was a modest number, his speed, stamina, agility, and jumping ability already surpassed the youth team's average. However, Reo was greatly unsatisfied, thinking, 'I'm so lame'" I understand being dissatisfied with average among the best, but thinking that you're lame... The perfectionism also shows in how he insists that Nagi make it clear when he's not good enough for them to play together as the best in the world, when Nagi starts out complimenting him. He seems to have self esteem issues in general. There's also when Nagi left, and in Epinagi he wonders if Nagi thinks he'll make it past 2nd selection, and asks why when Chigiri and Kunigami want him to join their team, surprised at their answer.

Then there's when Nagi thanks Reo for introducing him to soccer and Reo is so shocked, he thinks Nagi is dying. And when its established that Nagi is not dying, Reo says that he's matured, which I would interpret as Reo simply not taking that thanks as true gratefulness, but rather politeness that Nagi has matured into giving, since he's usually so insensitive. He doesn't consider that maybe Nagi has felt this way for awhile, and simply wanted to express his honest thoughts because he thinks it can't be true, to some extent. Or at least that's how I read it.

But as someone who knows how straightforward Nagi is, I feel like he should know that Nagi is just straightforwardly expressing his emotions. Reo sees, he just can't bring himself to believe or trust in it..

I mean, I'll be honest a lot of his delulu moments come from how he interprets his relationship with Nagi. And I think he's aware of it too- that irrational emotion that overwhelms him when it comes to Nagi. I think its because he let his guard down, and got really attached.

As Reo says, "He might be able to experience a storm of infatuation and obsession with this person. No. He can definitely do so."

(Also, can I just take this moment to make fun of Reo for saying this immediately after "The fact that he's playing games by himself during lunch break means that he's a game otaku. Zero exercise factor..." , "The face that looked up at him had an emotionless and cold expression...It was so drained of spirit that Reo thought that he looked half dead.", and "That person thinks that Reo will give him money if he asks for it. Weirdo." Like what haha)

And, the thing is, theres some evidence in epinagi that Reo is very aware of this weakness of his, and hates it. Like, he seems so crazy in the anime during the toothbrush pulling additional time, and even his response to Nagi leaving him behind for Isagi seems pretty extreme from an outsider perspective (I think some people will disagree with me?), since Nagi isn't saying they should stop being friends, nor is he denouncing Reo as a whole. He just wants to play soccer with someone else for a bit. If you take a step back from the metaphor of playing together as a romantic relationship, this really isn't that unreasonable? But it causes Reo to develop a vendetta against Nagi. It almost makes it seem like Reo is upset that he got his thing taken away from him, with how much he apparently needed to play on the same team as Nagi always. (This isn't the case). It's a jealous obsession, and you can see Reo's awareness of this in chapter 14 of Epinagi

"I dont want to remember. We've both moved on to new teams. I should cut my feelings short there. All I'm doing is dragging it out. I wonder if he even thinks I'll advance to the next round? If I wash out here, what'll happen to him? He told me we'd be together until the end... But he left me. What if he's living it up with Isagi and he's already forgotten about me? These thoughts just keep running through my head. Over and Over..."

The conclusion being- "I hate myself right now". There's an interpretation of this involving the relationship=soccer metaphor, but tbh I kinda refuse to go along with that because I think its much more interesting to see Reo's interpretation of playing soccer with Nagi being the same as being friends with Nagi as like a misinterpretation on Reo's part, rather than some kinda metaphor-made-reality thing. And I think by the way this is prompted by Kunigiri banter instead of anything soccer related makes it clear that this is not about soccer. If it was about soccer, the action that would trigger Reo's feelings would be Kunigiri doing some sorta soccer combo, not them being super good friends.

(Epinagi really is a gay shoujo romance masquerading as a sports shonen manga ehehehe)

In any case! We can see with this final sentence that he can't stop thinking about Nagi and hates himself for it. Can also see him being delulu with the Nagi/Isagi besties thing lol. Also, the way he says "We've both moved on to new teams. I should cut my feelings short there." it really does seem like Reo equates playing with Nagi to being able to be friends with him, and I think part of what plays into this is Reo's insecurity. I mean, he's been shown to view relationships as somewhat transactional, right? With how he brings Team Y together with food bargaining, with how he gets his highschool team together using similar bargaining tactics, by promising them idols and fancy meat, with his relationship with his parents where they will only let him pursue soccer if he can prove that he can become one of the best. Even in his relationship with Nagi, he spoils him a lot in return for being able to use his talent. Everything is conditional.

In that context, it kinda makes sense why Reo assumes everything is over when Nagi no longer needs him for soccer. Reo doesn't really get that even if Nagi doesn't improve through Reo or need Reo, that Nagi would still want to be partners, because its never really been like that for Reo. The focus his parents put on rationality and practicality and performance also helps to explain why he's so bad at figuring out what to do with his obsessive/jealous feelings, and why he hates himself for it. He's not allowed to be emotional or imperfect, so he was never taught how to deal with those feelings. I mean I think in general, always being the competent person good at pleasing the masses, at popularity, at everything, does not prepare one well for these kinda things. Having emotions beyond your control, I think.

Even beyond this, we can see how Nagi has effected him emotionally in how his dreams change. Getting Nagi was originially all for winning the World Cup, but somewhere along the way, it got to the point where when they entered Bluelock, Reo's goal wasn't to become the best himself so that he could win the World Cup, but rather to make Nagi the Best. A goal that literally has nothing to do with winning the world cup...

It makes me SO CURIOUS where he's at by 207. I think before Nagi asked him for help he'd managed to bury them, and make a path toward abandoning them entirely. Afterwards? I don't think he's gotten any better. He's still possessive, seems to want Nagi to have eyes only for him, and when Nagi gets sappy with him he laughs it off and refuses to accept it. When he dismisses Nagi's thanks as deathbed confessions, was it to protect himself from trusting? Knowing how little Reo thinks Nagi thinks of him, it seems like something he would have been overjoyed to hear, which really makes his response seem like a cautious dismissal. Especially his panel of shock, I wonder if there's that fear of assuming too much again, getting too close again. I'm really curious.

Nagi

Nagi gives me brainrot in a less angsty way, since he started so low that things can only really go up from him now. He went from having to buy a cactus to talk to to having a rich bf who adored him and did everything for him, to being able to escape his apathy and develop a passion that he really seems to be enjoying. Reo really made his life better and he knows it - writes poetry to Reo in his head constantly, joined a weird soccer cult for Reo, even after Reo slapped him away, Nagi remained dedicated to their dream. If Reo is underconfident in the security of the Nagireo situationship, Nagi is overconfident. He really seems to think Reo can read his mind? Lol.

Even so, because he's less soccer obsessed, he's at least a bit more grounded. He doesn't mind if Reo plays with people better than him, didnt want to join Bluelock because he didn't want him and Reo to be rivals, all that really seemed to matter to him at first was being with Reo. So, while Reo equated their partnership to being a soccer duo, Nagi saw it as an extension of their friendship. Unlike Reo, He's not particularly possessive. Like I said, he said he wouldn't mind if Reo chose to play with another player at the start. But he does care a lot about him - gets angry at Barou, plays soccer for him (at the start), wants piggyback rides, lets him pet his head... It really feels like while Reo needs Nagi more, Nagi admires Reo more, trusts him more, has more faith. It's quieter, but arguably more intense. (Reo fell first Nagi fell harder agenda) He actually seems to have an idealized vision of Reo in his head - An example of him thinking of Reo as greater and more perfect than the real person would be when he tells a despairing Isagi that Reo wouldn't act like this, and then epinagi jumps straight to a despairing Reo. Nagi really thinks Reo is more perfect than he actually is. Rose colored glasses. Wonder how this would interact with Reo's perfectionism.

There's that one interaction with Zantetsu I really like where Zantetsu asks him why he plays football and Nagi replies that its because of Reo, and all he's doing is tagging along. Zantetsu recognizes that Nagi, the hassle guy, is certainly doing a lot for Reo and asks what's so great about him, to which Nagi replies that its the first time anyone has been interested in a slacker like him

To which Zantentsu responds " ...You're down bad for Reo a wierdo." and "You're so loyal don't seem like a bad guy".

There uh wasnt really a point to that. I just wanted to talk about it because the respect they have for each others motives lives rent free in my head. And I think its interesting how Zantetsu immediately gets how much Reo means to Nagi, but Reo still doesn't understand after all this time.

Something I wonder is if part of the reason why Nagi is so bad at communicating and anticipating Reo's emotions is because he was apathetic and friendless for so long - disconnected from the world. Or well, I do theorize that part of his communication issues come from talking exclusively to a cactus for awhile.

Episode Nagi vs. Blue Lock

One image that I think really illustrates the difference between Epinagi and the main manga is Isagi's flabbergasted face when Nagi is having that moment with Reo where his hand gets slapped away.

He's so confused because they are not speaking his language. Reo's all like "you didn't choose me" And Isagi is like "And what does this have to do with soccer?"

Meanwhile once Reo switches gears to "I'll crush you" (expressing some form of ego/competition) Isagi is back to being the soccer manga MC.

It makes me wonder tho what's in store for our duo. Because in the main manga, they're back together, but they're not doing so great (if you look at the greater picture). There's tons of foreshadowing that Nagi is meant to fall from grace after reuniting with Reo, with Ego saying he'll get overconfident because of that dangerous goal, and Agi saying he's lost interest, as well as Isagi himself saying that there will be no more miracle goals. In the context of the main manga, it seems like while being a duo makes Reo and Nagi happy, its bad for their football. In the grander theme of Egoism, Reo seems doomed due to playing for Nagi instead of himself (tho this may not be as much of an issue due to his goal not being becoming a striker necessarily), and Nagi seems doomed because he's so comfortable with Reo that he won't experience despair and grow. The solution to this seems to be another fight or separation, maybe from Reo this time (thus breaking my heart).

However, from Episode Nagi's perspective, them being together in some fashion is integral to Nagi's goals. The manga starts with a remark on Reo's effect on Nagi, and so a permanent separation seems unlikely.

So is the ReoNagi duo good or bad for their soccer? It may function well if they reach some sort of arrangement that satisfies the ego rhetoric of the main manga, though I'm not sure what that would be. From the perspective of the main manga though, I can't see the duo ending well. From the perspective of Episode Nagi, however, their duo has to be maintained. It feels like two contradicting forces pulling at each other. How could this be resolved? There are some possibilities.

One possibility (though I don't like it so much) is becoming egoistic rivals who play together and push each other to their limits. The reason I don't like this is because this concept of rivalry and devouring is too similar to the main manga, and its kinda boring for a spinoff to take so much effort to just tell the same story in a different font.

Another possibility is that they fail in the main manga, and the spinoff is a tragedy about how Reo's discovery of Nagi doomed his soccer? Not a fan of this one because it would make me a lil sad. Though maybe it would be paired with the emergence of a friendship or relationship (I am not optimistic enough to hope for romance so at most hinted) that does not rely on soccer. It'd be a cool subversion, if a bit unsatisfying to see their dream abandoned. Honestly, I'd find this kinda path to be very interesting, but it seems to risky for it to actually be taken. It would explore the negative impact of tying your relationships to the sport, and suggest a mindset of happiness above mindless success. Seems risky though... very risky and subversive. And given the codependent nature of some sport duos, very satisfying to see the necessary separation of sport and friendship explored. Taking a positive spin, that would mean that because Reo is the one that nurtured Nagi's soccer genius, Nagi doesnt become the best soccer player but he does end up being happy :)

Another possibility would be Nagi just straight up leaving Reo and keeping him in thoughts only. That would hurt tho. Make me sad and depressed. I dont know if Reo could survive this.

Maybe Reo learns to motivate Nagi by becoming so good that now Nagi has to chase him instead of the way it was the other way round before. Not a fan of the manipulation undertones to that, so it may depend on the execution. Also just doesn't make much sense to me since it doesnt seem sustainable. Though maybe it could just be Reo learning to give Nagi more space to grow, and their friendship could just mend on the side separately. That could be nice.

Something else that doesn't seem likely to me, but I would like is for the point of Episode Nagi to be for Nagi and Reo to disentangle their situationship from its dependence on soccer, freeing them to be individual egoists while not necessarily pitting them against each other as rivals. This allows them to develop by the standards of the main manga, though it does make them a bit boring since they wouldn't really be taking an alternate path to star strikerhood. I like this path though because disentangling the situationship from soccer would have to involve them COMMUNICATING THEIR FEELINGS such that Nagi understood Reo's needs/insecurities and Reo understood Nagi's devotion. Reo would get affirmation that regardless of his performance, Nagi would still be his partner outside of soccer. And Nagi could be his, but outside of soccer. And they don't need each other. They want to be around each other. And I also think that a story leaning away from the codependency could show that once you realize you can function without the other, it makes it all the more meaningful when you choose to be together anyways. Because it's not a need, but a want. A want powerful enough to last. 

But that would really solidify that Epinagi is not about soccer, and while I joke that it is not about soccer, because it really doesn't feel like it is, I cant quite trust that it isn't because it is a spinoff of a soccer manga.

Something else that could happen is Nagi finding that his ego is realizing his and Reo's dream.. something that is romantic, but given how his ego and interest was kickstarted by Isagi seems a lil unlikely? But not impossible. Just because it was kickstarted by Bluelock doesnt mean it can't manifest and be fueled with Reo. ehhh idk if this really fits with the concept of Ego tho. I also feel like this won't force them to communicate or help Reo be more focused on his own performance, as opposed to only Nagi's goals (something I think he has to do, since serving Nagi makes him predictable and is reminiscent of that transactional relationship thing I mentioned earlier that he should probably learn is not the case). It would be consistent with the start and focus of epinagi tho.

At the end of the day, I don't know what will happen. Sure is fun to theorize tho!! :D

Nagireo, Reonagi

From a shipping perspective, I think their relationship is so interesting because its so complicated, and influences their lives so much. They are also polar opposites in a way that highlights their personalities. I think a meaningful exploration of Nagireo inevitably becomes an exploration of Nagi and Reo as characters. I'm not usually a fan of the miscommunication trope, but its a little different with these two because it really makes sense to me that they would miscommunicate- in fact, it seems inevitable that they would end up misunderstanding each other. Because of that, the misunderstanding feels meaningful instead of frustratingly inserted or forced.

Nagi idolizes Reo because Reo saved him from apathy. And because Nagi was apathetic and disengaged from society for so long, his communication skills suck, and he probably has a habit of not putting as much effort into conversations. When you combine those things, of course Nagi would act like Reo can read his mind.

Reo is used to getting what he wants, deems anything below genius boring or lame, and thus doesn't necessarily think highly of himself despite his accomplishments and hardworking nature - especially if you take into account his upbringing and parents. He feels trapped, and finds freedom in playing soccer with Nagi. With the transactional way Reo views relationships (I wonder, what it means for someone who views things as transactional to give so much to someone?) , and his perfectionism, it makes sense that the moment he wasn't the center of Nagi's world, he'd come away with the most despairing interpretation. An interpretation Nagi would be really bad at correcting.

So really, a misunderstanding feels inevitable with those two. Reo assumes the worst, Nagi is the worst at anticipating that and correcting it.

Despite that, I really like them together, not because they're the most functional, but because they care about each other. I really get why Nagi would be so grateful and devoted to someone that helped that drowning dull sense of apathy subside, giving him a chance to live an explore a world that didn't previously feel like his. And I really get why Reo would crave the freedom that Nagi granted him by making soccer possible for him. And also I think he kinda likes how much of a loser Nagi is lol, because its unconventional, and therefore interesting.

And I also get that sense of insecurity and drive, like if you fail you're nothing, and all your relationships depend on your success and ability to prove your skill - if you can't do the thing you're worthless and if you're worthless you're alone.

And also the loneliness of apathy, the sense that you're in your own world and there's no one around..

And I really feel like that devotion could help heal that wounded pride, and that sort of gleeful drive could really drive the apathy away...

The comfort in that is precious, I think

[meimeikyu]

the thing with tmagp that makes following the character so neat to me is. none of these people are the "main character"

like yes obviously we have our main cast the ppl we see the most but. with tma jon was reading the statements. we were following him majority of the time; learning through his eyes. there was some level of safety in him being the 'main character'

but with tmagp? the statements are read by the computer and weve seen a good mix of episodes following all of the main cast. its not any of these peoples story specifically, its a story told about them, against their knowledge and probably will. which means. none of them are safe.

except honestly? celia. the only one of them somewhat safe to me. sam i genuinely thought was dead last episode and though i see a lot of ppl consider him the closest thing to the main character its still not quite the same. weve now learned his story with the magnus institute and. his death would have a heavy impact, especially if its at the hands of something magnus related. alice i do not want them to kill off esp first season but. wouldnt it hurt? so bad for everyone? the one who kept warning them the one who was keeping them out of trouble and. her being the one to get caught in the middle and get killed because of them. gwen i do not think will die this season but. i mean hell shes almost been killed a couple of times already. she goes headfirst into this danger not knowing fully what it is and. i wouldnt be surprised if her learning what it is would be what kills her.

but celia? she will not die. at least not this season. there is too much set up and relying around her. even if as fans we have a decent theory the characters in universe have no clue about her and. so much has been heavily implied about her and her past that it would be a waste for her to die now. i just dont believe she will. while i. dont think this is what will happen i would not be shocked by. most likely sam dying and the story shifting somewhat to focus on the others suspicions about celia,,,, she is definitely an important character to these and there is so much setup around her that i am so excited to see pay off.

anyway i am so excited for the finale it is not next week soon enough and i miss the goobers all ready </3

[moestavern]

The HOMOE Masterpost

Shoutout to @butchbarneygumble for oking me to steal this idea from their Moeney Masterpost! Go peep that btw.

I see almost no one acknowledge all the gay shit these two have going on so i have to ship them all by myself and honestly that's unacceptable given how much this show implies between them. And with a ship name like Homoe? You have got to be kidding me they were handed to me on a golden fucking plater.

Blah blah i know these are jokes or w/e but its a show, no one here is real, you are not affected by me wanting these middle aged men to kiss each other (more than they already do) so lets get on with it!

This is currently only clips from the show, i will go through the comics/books/etc. if anything's hidden in there and ill add it to this post in the future.

This is gonna be a long post so everything is gonna be under the cut.

Episode: (S2E11) One Fish, Two Fish, Blow Fish, Blue Fish

Homer Kisses Moe. Moe responds with "not in public". So in private then?

H: Oh words wont do it- I love you Moe M: Not in public

---

Episode: (S8E3) The Homer they Fall

Just this whole episode.

H: Are you an angel? M: Yes Homer, Im an angel. All us angles wear Farah slacks. H: But you stopped the fight. Wont everyone be mad at you? M: Eh, lettem be mad. The only thing that matters to me is your'e safe. - D: Homer, your manager obviously loves you very much.

---

Episode: (S9E16) Dumbbell Indemnity

Dancing together + hints throughout. "if you squint" kinda stuff but ill take my breadcrumbs.

---

Episode: (S11E6) Hello Gutter Hello Fadder

Homer and Moe consider one another life partners.

Ma: Well, the one sure cure for the blues is to talk it over with your life partner. H: You're right! - H: I cant believe it Moe. The greatest feet of my life is already forgotten. M: Geez, Homer. I never seen ya this depressed. As your life partner, Im very worried.

---

Episode: (S11E10) Little Big Mom

When Lisa calls the tavern, Moe asks if Homer is going to another bar like its a cheating situation. Look at me however you want that's how im taking this. Moe's clingy.

M: Hey uh- is Homer there? L: No, he isn't. I dont know where he is. M: Im a little worried. He usually stops in for an eye opener on the way to work. L: He told us he'd been going to the gym. M: Uhahaha- Wow. Anyway, you dont think he could be at another bar do ya? Because i couldnt take that- i- i just couldnt. *crying*

---

Episode: (S11E16) Pygmoelian

Homer tells Moe his acting is a turn on.

M: The one hole ive never been able to fix is the one in my soul. H: That was amazing Moe. Im actually a little turned on. M: Yeah, hey i gotta gift.

---

Episode: (S16E7) Mommie Beerest

The thing i dont say is that i primarily ship all three of them together especially during late seasons. Reading "Moe takes the place of marge" jokes as shippy is- a bit of a stretch? whatever, it includes Moe telling Homer "i love you" and Homer calling Moe "Honey".

H: What would Marge say? M: Do whatever you have to do to save Moe's. I love my Homie. H: Ok honey, ill do it! Ma: What's going on here? M: Nothin- Nothing.

Also Homer and Moe sharing a bed 1/2.

---

Episode: (S17E5) Marge's Son Poisoning

If i had a nickel for every time Moe and Homer were called life partners id have 2 nickels. Which isn't a lot but its weird that it happened twice. (This has to be a lie, im certain there is a third time this has happened, i have yet to find it again) "They're lying, they're trying to hustle" um stfu- idc that's his life partner. he said so.

RT: God dern it son- what tha hell kinna sissy are you? M: Hey are you calling my life partner a sissy? Cause a hundred bucks says he could whoop you in arm wrestling.

---

Episode: (S18E6: Moe n' a Lisa)

Moe tells Homer he loves him.

H: Seriously Moe, I think you have a gift. M: Thanks Homer, I love you man. H: OoooOH you love a man.

---

Episode: (S20E8) The Burns and The Bees

Moe explains bees having sex to Homer and Homer thinks Moe is talking about the two of them.

H: But how are we supposed to combine the DNA of two strains of the same species? M: Actually Homer *whispering* H: *gasp* You and me? M: No. The bees. H: Oh! Yeah yeah. That's what i meant too. I... have no... inclination...

---

Episode: (S21E30 The Great Wife Hope)

Moe takes Homer dressed as Marge to his class reunion. He says he took Barney the year before.

M: Lets go Marge. My class reunion starts in an hour. H: Uh, Moe, i have a confession to make. Im just Homer dressed as Marge. M: Yeah, but last year i took Barney dressed as Marge. Think how much better they'll think you look. Hmm? H: Well you better not leave me and talk to your old friends all night. M: Keep talkin like that and ill leave ya here right now.

---

Episode: (S21E21) Moe Letter Blues

Homer kisses Moe.

H: Moe, i dont know rather to punch you or kiss you. So im gonna do both.

---

Episode: (S24E2) Treehouse of Horror XXIV

Look, i know its a demon that looks like Moe and NOT Moe. But cmon what was this???

H: Listen, pal, you seem like an honest guy. Is there any other deal you can accept? D: Three way. H: Hm- You, me, Marge? D: Demon, demon, you. H: Sigh- I guess its one of those things a dad has to do. - H: Now before we start, what's the safe word? D: Cinnamon H: Oh! I like that. Now, id like to try something new, if you dont mind. D: Cinnamon. Cinnamon! Cinnamon! Cinnamon!

---

Episode: (S25E12) Diggs

Ok- so the way Bart describes his feeling for Diggs is really queer and Homer immediately compares that to his feelings towards Moe.

B: I met this kid. Little older. Kinda strange. I dont think other people get him but i just wanna hang out with him all the time. H: *gasps* Its even better than i thought. You found your Moe Szyslak!

---

Episode: (S27E10) The Girl Code

Homer kisses Moe.

M: Hey what tha hell? Get your kisser off my head puss! H: What? Its how greek men say 'hello'. Non sexual guy kissing is the best.

---

Episode: (S28E4) Treehouse of Horror XXVII

Moe kisses a picture of Homer twice.

Thanks @leibi97 for remembering this one for me!

--- Episode: (S28E13) Fatzcarraldo

Homer calls Moe his "sweet wonderful bartender"

H: i had a great day and i really wanna celebrate with the boys so dont wait up for me my sweet wonderful bartender, Moe. M: Alright but whos the boys? H: Marge's boobs. See ya!

---

Episode: (S29E16) King Leer

Homer carrying Moe into the store. But also i like this episode over all from a Homoearge standpoint.

M: When i cross this threshold i begin a new life! *Picked up by Homer* This is the first time that ive ever been carried into a store. Look at me now lady foot locker! Look at me now.

---

Episode: (S32E15) Do Pizza Robots Dream of Electric Guitars

Ok guys THIS is what im talking about when i say in later seasons i kinda ship all three of them.

Ma: Did you see how he ate his breakfast? He doesn't shuffle his pancakes like a deck of cards. He doesn't air drum while driving, or race the dog in butt scooting across the carpet. And he always won. He's not my Homie anymore. B: We didnt notice any of that. Ma: A wife knows. M: And a bartender. Hes just- hes just not the same. He dont spin Barney around on the stool no more. He dont drink beer from a crazy straw just a sensible straw. What are we gonna do about our little man Midge? Ma: Were just gonna have to love him that much more. M: I didnt think that was possible. - B: Im used to seeing mom upset about dad, but Moe. That really shook me.

---

Episode: (S35E7) Its A Blunderful Life

They love each other :)

M: How dare you show your face in here. H: Moe, its me, and beneith all the drinking and the jokes we have a real relationship. And that means something. M: What are you gettin at? H: C'mon man. Deep down, we kinda love each other. H: *thrown through window* M: Love you too

---

Episode: (S35E15) Cremains of the Day

Moe and Homer share a bed 2/2.

M: Oh cmon Lenny, ghosts aint real. eh

Holding each other.

---

Episode: (S35E17) The Tipping Point

Dont- Even- Get- Me- Started

M: Exact change huh? Thats it? H: Aw, i really wanna tip ya Moe, but i promised my wife id quit. M: Heres a thought Homer. What if you took the moolah outta your pocket but you just stopped before anything happened? Ya know, everything but the tip. H: That dosent seem like it could lead to anything. M: Sure it couldnt. H: *slowly hands Moe ten dollars* H: We shouldnta done that. M: Does that mean- that you wanna stop? H: No *hands Moe more money* *moaning* It feels so good *hands Moe more money* M: Dont stop you generous man *handed more money* *moaning* Aw yeah give it to me big boy H: *handing Moe more money* You like that? M: Oh thats the spot H: I can do this all night M: Right there H: Tell me you want it M: Oh god- Oh god- Oh god- Oh god! H: Yes- Yes- Yes- Yes! *Wallet sprays money on Moe* C: I need a new bar. - M: *following Homer out of the bar* Where ya goin? H: I cant stop tippin Moe. Im hooked on tha rush! I gotta monkey on my back and hes got his hand out. M: But, what about us? H: No one service worker can satisfy my needs. God help me im a tip-phomaniac.

---

Jesus ok i dont know how to conclude this post. I will make updates to this. I know im missing stuff.

This is about a 3rd of my "moe is bi" list so maybe ill make that its own masterpost.

Someone asked me today what ship dynamic they are and i told them "the dumb one/the evil one/the woman". My spouse and i have been watching Futurama and they pointed out to me it was the same dynamic when i said i saw something between Fry/Bender/Leela as a trio.

[farfromstrange]

just read ‘long distance’ and i was wondering if you could serve pain? jen walters was mentioned and reader exists, that means angst and maybe cheating (or even a hint of it?) please??? i love your fluff and smut pieces. also the angst (but i dont dwell too much since self harming is better left in the past for me) but i really like how you deliver pain. i hope this gets chosen and written, but no pressure ofc. thank you and may the spirit of creativity live within you.

Hi, nonnie! I'm sorry you had to wait so long. I wasn't sure if you wanted a part 2 or an entirely new fic, so I kind of used part of what I already mentioned in Long Distance and continued in this fic. I didn't do full-on cheating, but it's still angst, and well... there is no comfort. I hope you like it!

Burn | Matt Murdock x Reader

Masterlist

Pairing: Matt Murdock x Reader

Summary: Matt comes home after his work trip and tells you something that changes your life forever.

Warnings: Angst, mentions of Smut, cheating

Word Count: 2.7k

You’re not sure what happened. 

Matt spent a few weeks in Los Angeles to work on a case that would bring in some money. You didn’t mind; he does it sometimes. Since he, Foggy, and Karen opened the doors of their law firm again, work trips between the three have become more frequent. They’re making money now, and you would always support it.

You have also never been insecure about your relationship with him before. You and Matt have been together for years, even before the Blip, and you held onto each other when all of your friends disappeared. You thought you were happy. His job is going well; you are happy and don’t have to live paycheck by paycheck anymore. At least you thought so. 

While he was away, you talked over the phone regularly. He always seemed so relieved to hear your voice. You often talked for hours, and you texted him sweet nothings during the day. He told you he appreciated it. 

Every other night, you would retreat to your bedroom and he would guide you to orgasm after orgasm with the sound of his voice, and you would do the same. The toy he got you before he left for LA came in handy more than once since you could be connected over the distance now and still somehow control each other’s pleasure.

When he texted you he would be home earlier than expected, you were so excited, you took the day off, put on your best lingerie, and cooked dinner. You thought he would be happy to be with you again; he told you how much he missed you. He compared it very dramatically to a lack of air and that you were his oxygen, and you remember laughing at him. You have never loved a man as much as you love Matt Murdock, so it is only natural for you to get excited, right?

You talked about marriage before, maybe even kids. You planned a future together. Deep down, you’ve been waiting for him to pop the question. Foggy is an idiot and he let something slip one day, and ever since you have been vigilant. You thought that he might finally ask you after coming home from his trip. 

You thought. That seemed to be the common denominator. You always just believe and hope for the best; in the end, things don’t turn out how you want them to. 

You’re really not sure what happened, but something did happen because when Matt opens the door, he’s not even smiling at you. 

“Welcome back!” you greet him with the brightest smile you can offer. Maybe he’s just tired. 

But you know him and you know the difference between exhaustion and guilt; the man before you may be tired, but he is also struggling with the shame he inflicted upon himself, and it is not his duty as Daredevil this time. 

He drops his bag by the door. You lean in for a kiss. “How was your flight?” you ask.

You’re in denial. Something happened, but you don’t want to ruin it. You don’t want to ruin this. You keep telling yourself it’s going to be okay, but you just don’t know what happened to get you here–

He evades your lips, simply hugging you briefly before answering, “Good.”

Your body trembles. “Matt.”

“What?”

“What’s wrong?”

“What do you mean, what’s wrong?” he retorts. He moves to the kitchen and grabs himself a bottle of beer. “I’m just tired.”

You frown. “Is that why you can’t even look at me?” you ask.

“Don’t be ridiculous, sweetheart–” the usually so endearing nickname sounds so bitter now. “You know I can’t see,” he says. 

“You know what I mean.” You cross your arms. “Something isn’t right.”

His expression is serious, and it sends a wave of unease crashing over you. You try to push away the worry that gnaws at your insides, but it's hard to ignore the change in his demeanor.

He avoids your gaze, his eyes flickering around the room as if searching for something, or perhaps, avoiding something. Silence hangs heavy in the air, stretching the seconds into eternity.

That’s when you know that something happened, and it affects you because if it didn’t, he wouldn’t be so distant toward you. You taught him to always be open with you about his struggles, and he has managed to learn how to voice his needs, so it confuses you when he does neither and treats you more like a stranger than his girlfriend. 

There was only one time in your relationship he acted this way and that was the day Elektra stepped back into his life, and with it, yours. 

Your stomach churns. The hope you had built up crumbles, leaving a bitter taste in your mouth. “What happened?” you urge again. 

He leans against the kitchen counter, turning his head away from you. Tears are glistening in his eyes behind his red glasses. 

“Matthew, please,” you beg. “Talk to me. Tell me!”

The room feels heavy with tension. His shoulders slump, and for a moment, it seems like he's about to break, to let the words spill forth. But just as quickly, he straightens his posture and averts his gaze.

"I can't," he whispers. "I can't tell you."

You step forward, but he shies away as if being close to you is somehow toxic. It breaks your heart. He looks disgusted, and you wonder if it's because of you. Maybe you used the wrong body wash, but that would elicit a different reaction. You didn't do anything differently today, you're simply excited, that's all there is, but as you look at him, he seems to be the exact opposite. Stoic, empty, cold...

“We've always been honest with each other, Matt," you say, still walking up to him even as he recoils. "I cooked dinner for you, took a shower, got dressed... and now you won't even fucking try and look at me. You've been gone for weeks! Please, just... I deserve to know what's going on." You reach for him, but this time, he moves away wholly.

The distance between you becomes a void that you could easily slip in and drown. His body language is a storm, causing the waves to crash into the shore and choke up with their cruel claws. 

His grip tightens around the neck of the beer bottle, his knuckles turning white. You can see the faintest scars; you know he brought his suit with him, you just didn't think he would actually use it. "You deserve better," he says, more to himself than to you. There is the guilt you have been waiting for, but it still affects you because he is talking about you.

Your heart skips a beat. You have had this conversation many times in the past. "Better?" you ask. "Matt, what are you talking about? I don't want better, I want you." You laugh in disbelief, but he doesn't even smile. He's not trying to hide how much pain he is from the weight of his guilt, and it makes you scared for what's about to come.

His gaze flickers toward you, and his eyes reflect myriad emotions—sadness, regret, and something else you can't quite place. "You shouldn't want me," he loathes himself, “Not after... not after everything." 

"What?" You place a hand on his arm, forcing him to turn to you. "I love you," you say.

He shakes his head. He never shakes his head when you tell him you love him. It's like he's telling you the opposite, that you shouldn't love him or that he doesn't feel the same for you anymore; the feelings swirling in your chest are confusing, and you just don't understand. Your mind races, trying to connect the dots, desperate to make sense of his cryptic words. 

His grip on the bottle loosens, and he takes a shaky breath. "I- I fucked up."

Your heart sinks. The pain you had sensed, the distance between you, it all falls into place. The parallel between his behavior now and back when Elektra almost tore you apart. The pieces of the puzzle form a picture you never wanted to see find their way together.

"Did you... cheat on me?" you ask, the words catching in your throat. The mere thought feels like a knife twisting in your chest, but you don't cry, you simply stare at him, waiting for any kind of reaction. 

It's the thought you loathe the most, but you seem to hit the nail right on the head.

Matt's silence is confirmation enough. "Oh God," you breathe.

“It was just a kiss,” he whispers. 

“A– you kissed someone else?”

“Yeah.”

“Walters?”

He takes a shaky sip of his drink. 

“Oh, my God, Matthew!” The cork to your heart pops and you start bleeding out, it seems. “What?” you ask. “Please, tell me you’re just messing with me. Please!” You want to get on your knees and pray to God that he’s lying, but he’s so quiet and his face is so stern, you can’t help but believe him.

The one thing he promised you he would never do, he did. And that is something you once told him that if he ever did it, you wouldn’t be able to forgive him. 

The foundation of trust you had built with Matt feels shattered, and you struggle to comprehend how he could break his promise to you. Emotions swirl within you, colliding with one another, leaving you feeling lost and vulnerable.

He grabs your hand suddenly when you try to put some distance between you to sort your thoughts, his glasses now discarded, and he looks past you with so much pain in his eyes, you can feel your own tears near. He whispers your name. 

“No,” you say. “I can’t–”

“Please, listen to me. I can explain,” Matt says. “I can–”

“You can’t! You promised… I– wasn’t I good enough for you? What happened, Matthew? What did I do wrong?”

“Nothing! You did nothing wrong, sweetheart. Please, it was a stupid mistake.” 

“A mistake?”

He tugs at your arm again. When you don’t seem to budge, he sinks to his knees. Your throat tightens, your heart shattering on the floor next to him. He has torn it out with his bare hands, squeezed it too hard and now you’re nothing more than an empty shell, your very essence broken on the living room floor. 

“Please,” he begs. His hands rest on your hips and his unfocused eyes try to search for yours. 

The fact he only now thinks he has to fight for you instead of coming clear right away makes you angry, not just sad. You turned your back and that’s what prompted him to fight, even though he should have tried so much sooner. 

You loved him with all you had, and a foolish part of you still does, but hearing the words coming out of his mouth that he betrayed your trust in such a cruel way tears down the walls you have been seeing through rose-colored glasses and cut your love for him into pieces with a sharp dagger. 

Your best friend once told you that you should be careful, Matt would do anything to survive. Yet, you stayed around through the sleepless nights and the heartache. You worried about him every day and every night he went out as Daredevil to cleanse the streets, and you stitched him up without knowing what you were doing. You held him as he cried, offered him your endless support, and then some more, anything just to be loved by him, but he treated you so well. He gave you everything you needed, showed you a love no one has before and he was so dedicated, you felt at home with him. You trusted him with your life. You owe him your life, and yet, after everything you have been through together, one work trip to another State is all it takes for him to throw away years of history and kiss someone else? And Jennifer Walters, no less? 

You never thought you had to be worried about anyone catching Matt’s attention. You had been so confident before, but now? Now you just feel useless, imperfect, and like a damn fool. 

“Matt,” you whimper. 

He holds on even tighter. “Can we talk about this?” he asks, his voice barely above a whisper. 

You look up, but the tears are flowing freely now. 

“I’m sorry. Please, I don’t want to lose you. I love you so fucking much, baby. Please! I can’t live without you. Don’t leave me. I can make it up to you, I promise, just… give me another chance.”

“Yeah?” It pains you to tear his hands from your body, but you have to. “If you didn’t want to lose me,” you say, “you should have thought about it before you decided to kiss someone else.”

He says your name, begging you once again to just stay. Talk this through. Stay. He is like a serpent in your ear, and you want nothing more than to give in, but when you reflect on your time together, you don’t know if you should even think about giving in. 

Matt has been obsessed with justice from the start. He chose it over you more than once, and it took you many nights and many fights for you to get him to stay even for a night or two to be with you, the person he claimed to love most of all. And now you are supposed to stay after he did what he did? It may be stupid to react this way if it was just a kiss, but he never once said it was accidental, and that means he has thought about cheating on you. He kissed someone else, someone who isn’t you, and he set your heart on fire the same way he has set your life together alight. 

Maybe he kissed her because she’s like him–maybe he kissed Jennifer Walters because she understands, and he has often accused you of not understanding. Maybe in her, he has found someone who won’t keep him from New York City just for one date night. Maybe in her, he has found someone who doesn’t break down crying when he comes home late because she thinks he died in a fight with a criminal. And maybe in her, he has found the woman he actually wants to marry. 

Marry. The word makes you choke up. 

As if he read your thoughts, he crawls toward you and stops you from walking away. He digs his fingers further into your hips, retrieving a small box from his pants, and God, do you want to punch him right now. 

You were right about the proposal, but he was planning to propose and still kissed someone else, and that is a betrayal on a whole new level. 

“The audacity,” you whisper to yourself. 

Tears are streaming down his face and he looks as if he thinks pulling out a ring after telling you he made out (no, kissed) with Jennifer Walters in Los Angeles is going to fix everything. 

“Please,” he begs, “I only want you. I wanted to ask you–”

“No,” you cut him off. “Don’t you fucking dare, Matthew!” You pull away. “This is… I’ve been waiting for you to do this for so long, but you… what the fuck? No! Especially not now!” Your body Wracks with a sob. “I need time, and I can’t do this right now. Kissing Walters is one thing, but telling me you bought a ring for me and still kissed someone else? It hurts,” you say.

It hurts too fucking much, you can’t breathe. He was your oxygen too, in a way, but he has cut off the supply and now you are dying a slow and agonizing death.

“I’m so sorry.” His arms drop to his sides in defeat, but he remains on his knees. “I never meant to hurt you,” Matt cries, “I promise! I just… I made a mistake.”

“I’m sorry, too.”

“I–“

“I’m sorry for falling in love with you. That was my mistake.”

Ouch. Now you have taken his heart, pulled it out and shattered it with one twist of your wrist. But he deserves it.

Matt listens to the sound of your hasty movements as you pack some clothes. He listens to your tears, your sobs, and the shaking of your muscles as you shudder. He listens and stays right there on the floor, his head lowered as God’s judgment comes upon him. 

And within minutes, your heartbeat leaves his ears and you are gone. 

You left him, and he deserves every last ounce of pain it inflicts on him. 

He’s an Icarus who has flown too close to the sun, and you deserve better than him. 

It wasn’t Jennifer who brought him back to life, it was you and it will always be you, but he screwed that up, too, and he has to live with it now. Without you. 

The ring box slips from his hands and then, he allows himself to break down. 

Matt Murdock Angst Tag List: @acharliecoxedfan @gpenguin666 @lina-mar @itwasthereaminuteago @mattkinsella @norestfortheshelbywicked @yarrystyleeza @littlenerdyravenclaw @thychuvaluswife

[yennas-stuff]

There’s this one e/riel who recently said “azriel was loyal to the mor for hundreds of years and he hadn't even gotten confirmation she liked him back so what makes y'all think he's about to be giving up on elain anytime soon Imfao” and then another one replied “And that man is evidently more down bad for Elain than he ever was with Mor so imagine at least another 500+ years of yearning for Elain. He physically can't stay away”

Rhys asked Azriel about Mor and wasn’t able to respond. Didn’t tell Rhys that he doesn’t love her anymore, doesn’t have feelings for her anymore, or is starting to get over her, and I think that’s why Rhys acted the way he did, because Azriel wasn’t able to give an answer, but if Az did give off the slightest hint of having genuine feelings for Elain then Rhys would’ve acted differently and likely would’ve told Az to wait for Elain to break the mating bond with Lucien or to be patient. And Azriel being “evidently more down bad for Elain than he ever was with Mor” is so funny to me. All we got with Az & Elain in his chapter was lust and jealousy when Sarah could’ve put something that showed romantic interest (genuine feelings) but didn’t. It would’ve been easy for her to do so. Lust doesn’t mean love. Sexual attraction isn’t that deep. There’s nothing wrong with the sexual attraction, but him not being able to plan beyond his fantasies and his self loathing toward himself wasn’t okay. That’s the problem I and others have. How he talked about himself was very unhealthy. There were actually people who did ship e/riel but stopped after reading the bonus chapter/acosf, and that’s saying something.

If Mor showed the slightest interest in Azriel or told him she wanted to be with him, then I 100% believe he would leave Elain for Mor. I don’t think he’s completely over Mor, but I do think he’s slowly starting to move on from her and has accepted that it’s never going to happen, and Elain is his rebound just like he is Elain’s rebound for Graysen. I think Az is jealous because everyone around him is getting into relationships/mates and is becoming happy. Rhys says in the third book that Az spent years waiting for a mating bond to snap between him and Mor. He wants a mate and is jealous because he doesn’t have one.

Lovely Anon, agreed 10000%. Thank you for the message. Great points were made.

I think Azriel just latches on to something he considers a pure and perfect embodiment of femininity. Maybe I am reading into it too much, but I don't really think it was love he felt for Mor. I think it was a combination of lust and platonic love. I think he wants to feel some of that purity and perfection, for it to rid him of his *sins* or wrongdoings.

If a female like that loved him, it would mean that he is good. But at the same time, he feels as if his touch was taking away some of that purity he assigned to Mor or Elain. We don't need to even get into it to know it's not healthy.

Also, I've never felt like him being down bad for 500 years was romantic or a good thing. It was not reciprocated or appreciated by Mor. It seems very self-destructive. At some point you need to actively look for happiness somewhere else. And I dont see him being more down bad for Elain than for Mor. Its been just a year and he's been avoiding her. With Mor he actually spent time with her. And as you wrote, he waited because he wants a MATE. He is so laserfocused on that. He doesn't even entertain pursuing anyone without thinking about bonds. Even when he knows that Elain already has one. He still thinks about it instead of how he feels ABOUT HER as a person. Just about having sex with her, which we know... means nothing (Nesta in the beginning of acosf).

We could get some deep loving words from Azriel about Elain when he was talking with Rhys but alas...

His mate obsession just shifted from Mor to Elain. But he knows she's already taken, which makes it impossible and more painful for him, which he probably thinks he deserves. Sad.

How sad it would be to always have this 3rd person in your relationship (Lucien)? He would probably think about him way too much and let these bad thoughts brew. Comparing himself and whatnot.

I hope he finds his happiness when he least expects it, he he. 💖 And for him to learn how true love feels. With no space for these self-deprecating feelings.

(These are just some thoughts my bestie, and I shared about Azriel and his state of mind. We might be talking crap, so if you don't agree, Im open to hear you all out).