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#they haven't swooped at me (yet) but one day that may happen who knows
benetnvsch · 1 year
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it's too hot here
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Brush And Floss To Fight Cavities And Other Villains
I forgot I even wrote this first half of a story - back in January of 2020.
SUMMARY: You'll never believe what happened to poor Tom today. He really got sent through the wringer - quite the rollercoaster of a day. But don't worry, Tom is going to tell you all about it. "It all started with this dream I had...."
But first let me blame @maryxglz for starting my morning off today far too fixated on young Tom and his teeth. Our dearest @maryxglz has been fueling our community with the most beautiful gifs for years. Look at this one! (Link to full post in blue.)
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@maryxglz posted the above gif back in Dec 2018 in a perfect set of three all looping with perfect timing to showcase his mouth - those lips, that little tongue that peeks out in another gif, and those gleaming white teeth. And I haven't even mentioned the way those eyelashes brush his skin when they flutter closed like a butterfly sunning itself on my finger.
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Only for his eyes to open back up with those pale ocean blue eyes that sparkle with ... GOD they are seductive! @maryxglz you have done it again!! He looks like a little coquette that I want to gobble up piece by piece!
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[Clearing my throat, unsuccessfully trying to rid my voice of that hoarse gravely growl that undermines my desperate attempt to appear non-predatory.]
Brush And Floss To Fight Cavities And Other Villains
So after spending half my morning fixated on his teeth in this filthy erotic gif above that @maryxglz made, I remembered a stupid crack fic I started back in Jan 2020 that y'all may or may not get a kick out of. You tell me? It's 2111 words and somewhere I have a second chapter started. On AO3 I tagged it with warnings such as minor violence, dreams vs. reality, nightmares, teeth, tooth fairy, alternate reality, RPF Tom Hiddleston, crack fiction, I must've been on crack to write this. Sorry, no smut. It's not really RPF though - just a guy named Tom who looks exactly like the guy in the above gif by @maryxglz Enjoy.
This is from Tom's POV.
You know what saved me? Pilates. I was able to finally buck my hips hard enough to knock her off balance and free my legs from under me.
So it all started with this dream I had last night. You're going to think I'm crazy, but please hear me out.
In my dream, I woke up lying in bed still dressed, smelling like a saloon, and feeling like I'd been in a bar fight. My tongue was cracked and grooved from dehydration and mouth breathing; it felt like the floor of a desert and probably looked even worse. When I opened my eyes, I saw none other than the tooth fairy hovering above my bed with her face maybe 10 inches from mine. She was intently staring at my mouth until I snapped it shut. I was left with this awkward violated feeling, like she had seen me dancing naked in the kitchen.
"You're awake! Oh wonderful. This will be so much easier now." Her face lit up when she saw my eyes open. Her wings moved so fast that I hadn't noticed them until she did a happy spin with an extra swoop-dee-loop and flutter that scattered gold fairy dust all over me and the bed. Some got into my nose which I accidentally inhaled, sending me into a painful coughing fit. At some point I made the mistake of licking my lips; it tasted disgusting and bitter.
Once my cough settled down, I stared at her in disbelief, trying to figure out what or who she was. I hadn't noticed yet that I was dreaming, a concept still far out of reach, nor was I privy to the fact that she was after my teeth. I just felt groggy, still two sheets to the wind with my head feeling thick and fragile, so my mind wandered trying to remember why I would be hung over and where I had gone that night dressed in a tuxedo. In real life I knew I had stayed home, but my attire and the state of my health told another story.
During my internal debate of truth, facts, and misconceptions, the tooth fairy was flipping through some notebook mumbling to herself. All I could understand were random numbers she rattled off in no obvious sequence before she slammed the book shut.
"Right-ee-o then. You are Thomas William Hiddleston, correct?" She smiled with a very business-like receptionist's smile that was as superficial as her gold leaf lipstick.
"Yes." I had no idea what else to say since she wasn't wrong.
"Good. Now open wide please so I can take inventory."
I hadn't realized how little she was. Her face was so close to mine when she spoke that I could barely focus. Otherwise, she hovered beside the bed, slightly floating up and down and still far enough away to skew with my depth perception. Without my glasses or contacts in she was little more than a white blur that far away, appearing to float like an apparition or some energy being. I thought maybe she was an angel, since she wore white and her skin had a gold shine to it, as though she was her own nightlight.
When her hands grabbed my lips and pulled my mouth open, I was shocked that her hands were no bigger than a raccoon or maybe a tiny monkey. Her face came closer to look directly into my mouth. I just laid there and let her do whatever she wanted. I wasn't scared yet, just super weirded out and hoping the examination would be over soon.
She reached in and moved my tongue from one side to the other as she counted to herself, and mumbled things like:
"Yep."
"I knew it."
"Oh, that's no good."
"Yep. That one too."
"Well, that one can wait."
Leaning back she wrote some more things into her little notebook and shook her head. She scratched her chin furiously before writing more, then shook her head again.
"They are not going to be happy about this," she muttered to herself, but her voice was loud enough for me to hear.
In an attempt to lighten the mood as well as distract myself, I couldn't resist the urge to say anything to fill the silence. It didn't matter what I said, as long as I said something. This was unfortunate since what spilled out of my mouth was moronic.
"Well Doc, am I going to live or not? Just give it to me straight, Doc." I used some weird American accent that I couldn't identify, let alone tell you why I used it. I just felt stupid after I spoke out loud. The only other sound in the room was the low whir of her wings beating as fast as a hummingbird. Besides that, the silence was deafening, an assassin to any performer's ego. She completely ignored me as though I hadn't said a word. I'll admit that this wasn't a shock, since my comedic delivery needed a lot of work.
Without even acknowledging me, she put away her notebook somewhere and took a surgical mask out of her pocket. A little metal arm swung down from atop her head that had a huge magnifying glass attached to the end. The lens covered half of her face and from my view her eye was enlarged just as big as the lens.
"Okey dokey Tommy my dear. There is nothing to be afraid of. This will just take a few minutes and it won't hurt a bit. You'll only feel a tiny little bee sting."
"Bee sting?!" I jumped up and scrambled back across the bed. "WHAT isn't going to hurt? Because a bee sting DOES hurt! How do you know I'm not allergic to bee stings?"
“Tommy boy. Stay still." She advanced on my position until I fell off the bed.
I did a backflip, or more accurately a clumsy back roll and belly flop off the bed landing flat onto my face. Keeping my body low to the ground, I tried to crawl away from the bed toward the door. I didn't want to spook her since she seemed unpredictable.
Her advance was steady until I started to crawl, then she whipped around to block my path to the door and flew at me like a bat out of Hel. Knocking me back, the little demon planted herself on my chest trapping my knees still bent underneath me. This left me in an awkward and uncomfortable position with my arms pinned to my sides under her thighs. She may have been tiny, but no amount of wiggling and pushing would budge her. The laws of physics did not apply to this creature. Though she was tiny, she was fierce and weighed a ton.
The comedy of the scene was surreal; I, a very fit six foot two inch man, just got taken down and completely incapacitated by some little pixie devil the size of a large raccoon with wings.
She studied my eyes; she didn't look into them but AT them, first one and then the other, studying them as though she was reading a story we couldn't see, or listening to music we couldn't hear. I watched her facial expressions intensely, trying to interpret something, anything that she might give away.
"Can you hear me Tommy?"
I nodded. I thought I could hear her. My eyes were as big as saucers, so maybe I just saw her talk while my brain made assumptions about what she said. I rapidly blinked a few times to verify that my eyes were indeed open, but I couldn't figure out how to verify that my ears were turned on.
"OK. Good. I'm going to take three teeth, and then you can go back to sleep."
THREE? .... THREE TEETH!!
I shook my head violently, partially to make sure I was hearing things correctly, partially to rattle some things lose in case I was going crazy, and partially because I was really hoping this was a dream. I continued to shake my head plus as much of my upper body that I could, because there was no way in Hel I would let her near my mouth. I held my lips pursed so tight she would have needed a crowbar to get inside. She tried to grab the sides of my head to steady me, but I just thrashed harder.
"You need to settle down Mr. Hiddleston. Just open your mouth and you'll never even miss them. I promise! But I'm not leaving here tonight without them."
Anger and contempt formed in her eyes. Her hand pulled back and she swung. She slapped me so hard that I heard a bell ring.
In that stunned moment my mouth fell open and those tiny little monkey hands of hers dove into my mouth. She grabbed ahold of one of my molars and started yanking at it. I've never before felt anything so bizarre or disturbing.
If that little angel hadn't fallen from heaven already, she surely would soon. The anger in her eyes glowed like the flames of Hel as she glared at me; she looked scary. Those tiny little hands pushed down on my windpipe at just the right spot. With the creepiest smile flashing large bright white perfectly straight teeth, she watched me struggle and gasp for air. I slammed my knees into her back several times, but she didn't budge.
"Well my dear sweet Tommy-Boy, looks like we'll have to anesthetize you in order to retrieve what we are due. Now just close your eyes. That's it. Go to sleep."
The lack of oxygen to my brain started to take its toll. I stared up and the world slowly was swallowed by a black cloud encircling her so she became this golden flame still visible inside my rapidly diminishing vision; she was the only light within a vast darkness. The irises of her eyes spiraled with green and gold as everything grew darker and darker until all I could see were those eyes and hear her saying "Tommy-Boy" over and over again.
It was terrifying! I thought I was going to die.
With my last ounce of strength before I completely succumbed to an unconscious void, with one last abdominal crunch to literally save my life, my knees hit her back with enough force to push her off me.
I sat up, coughing and drawing as much air into my lungs as I could, but no sooner had I caught my breath that she knocked it right out of me again. I heard this shrill scream behind me seconds before I felt the impact. She flew full throttle into my back and sent me rolling across the floor.
With my adrenaline pumping overtime by this point, I felt like Kong as I stood up and reached for her as she flew around me just outside of my grasp. Swooping in and out, stabbing me repeatedly with something sharp, she hissed in response to my roars.
Then I got her!
My giant gorilla hand wrapped around her ankle and threw her to the ground. Dust plumed up from the carpet like a cloud, leaving a small crater on my bedroom floor.
Finally I had knocked the wind out of her giving me the upper hand for a mere moment, but that was plenty of time. I roared into her face with the fury of a wild animal before grabbing her feet. Lifting her up into the air like a rag doll, I slammed her body back down to the ground again and again and again.
Eventually she just disappeared out of my hands in a sparkling puff of smoke, leaving me standing alone and bewildered. I sat back down on the edge of the bed staring at the state of my room wondering how I would ever explain the damage to the floor, especially considering that every surface of my room was covered with a sparkling gold glitter.
Looking at my hands and legs, I was covered with the same glowing gold dust. I couldn't rub it off no matter how hard I tried. Finally I just gave up and flung myself back onto the bed absolutely exhausted.
'What the fuck just happened to me?` was all I could think as I drifted back to sleep.
"Tom! Tom!"
I felt something kicking at my leg still dangling off the bed, and I heard myself grunting with each kick to the shin. That sensation was real, very real. My shin would surely develop a huge bruise quickly.
"Ouch!" I finally moaned almost intelligibly.
"Thomas William Hiddleston! Wake up you asshole!"
I'm just tagging a handful of people off the top of my head who might have a good laugh or remember the first time I posted this. @nildespirandum @ladyoftheteaandblood @caffiend-queen @redfoxwritesstuff @myoxisbroken @imanuglywombat @jtargaryen18 @so-easy-to-love-me @acidcasualties @americasass81 @muddyorbs @lokisgoodgirl @frostbitten-written @talklokitome @latent-thoughts @mooncat163 @fictive-sl0th @mastreworld @gigglingtiggerv2 @deceitfuldevout @lokischambermaid @mochie85 @alexakeyloveloki @devikafernando @holymultiplefandomsbatman
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onegreybun · 6 days
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Time and Place [Prompt 21: Shade]
(Shade: a slight degree of difference between colors.)
To whoever finds this,
It's been lingering in my mind to leave a note behind in the event something happens to me. With the burdens of another's memories as dreams and the mounting unease in my chest, I decided to stop putting it off.
My name is Genevieve Dautherie. My people call me 'Viv', which is what I prefer. I was born in Ishgard nearly a century ago, yet I haven't aged past my fifty-second year. I've eve been mistaken for a gentlewoman in my forties several times. And I'm not one of these elezen ladies who keeps her youth until she's a foot in the grave. My family ages quickly and severely.
On that fifty-second year I perished. I was crushed under falling, weighted rubble and rendered nothing more than a layer of flesh. Yet if you looked at me now, there's not a scratch. I have been impossibly rebuilt and revivified into myself as a person. My heart beats, my will is my own, and my thoughts filter through to a complete brain.
Those I call family met the same fate as I in different ways. Years before my death, a man named Laurrente suffered a trauma to the head that took away his coherency and left him with seizures. Today, he speaks as scholars do.
Anoitte, a young woman of innocent conscience, was jailed by the Tribunal, tortured for information she did not have, and was neglected food and water until she shriveled on the stone. She now walks with purpose and a healthy flush to ivory skin.
Along with myself, two other men died alongside me. Ben was pierced with splintered wood through his chest and stomach, which took his air before it took his life. He doesn't speak often, but when he does it's with great clarity. Owin, as good of an informant as there ever was, had his head cleared off by the misguided swing of a friendly sword. He's been working as the lead of an investigation agency for the past thirty years.
And Piper, in short weeks afterwards, had half of her body devoured by the swooping, draconic beasts of Dravania. The last I saw of her, she was whole in physical person.
There's an impossible magic that's been brought to this region of Eorzea, and it follows a viera named Bashu. But even if you meet him, he may not go by this name any longer. When we knew him in blissful years, his name was Marceau. When he walked in the forest he had been born in, his name was Zhalh. He met an equally terrible end in the Green, ripped from shoulder to heart in a mortal blow.
I don't know the entirety of what took place between the moment of my death and the moment of my renewal. I don't even know if the little I've been told has been the truth. All I know is what I've seen and what I've been subject to in regards to this arcana. I've seen its horrors dwell below unspoken surfaces, and its beauties that are hidden from the light of day.
I've seen creatures of viscera and teeth, whose only conscious thoughts include their instinctual demands to latch onto any person they see and bend them to their enchantments. I've seen roots constrict the bodies of soldiers, squeezing them until all that remains is gristle and red mist.
I've also seen butterflies with wings like stained glass, in various shades of blue, violet, and green, descend upon corpses and clean the bones with such delicate, gentle grace. I've seen the beauty of a path of wildflowers blossom in the middle of the night. With petals the tones of gemstones, they glowed with a radiant effervescence. They were a gift to all of us, on the first night we were reunited.
I pray no one comes to find this. I pray that the direction I walk in now leads me right back to this point, to find this letter undisturbed. I would rip it to shreds and set it on fire, and thank the Twelve by name that no harm came to pass.
In the event the parchment remains intact, I want the eyes set upon it to know that myself and another went to retrieve some of those aforementioned people. They've been missing for a while. We now know where they are, and all we want to do is bring them back to their homes.
We do not want to hurt anyone. We do not want to cause harm to ourselves. We do not know if the situation will allow us to act in peaceful measures. We will find out.
Bashu, there's a good chance that you're the one reading this, given your insight and where I've left the letter. I know you come back to this cabin. You leave footsteps in the dust.
We might have hurt you by now, trying to do what we need to do. You might have even done away with us. But I want you to know that I tried. I did everything I thought I could do to bring us back together. I thought the first dream we shared again would have been a blessing to get everyone back in the same room.
But your absence and your silence, coupled with everyone's paranoia, it was just another nail in a coffin sealed shut a long time ago. Gods, how long I've been lying to myself about it.
I can't change what happened in the past. And I know that if you could, you'd have done it by now. I want to believe that there's more to this. That there's more to you. That this magic hasn't changed you, that you're still the same person we all loved That's enough.
He's read all he needs to.
He leaves the letter.
He leaves the cabin.
And he leaves more footprints in the dust.
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charmspoint · 2 years
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tsukumo for character ask!
Oooo Tsukumo, now that was a turn around for a character
First impression
I feel like I didn't get much of a first impression for her, like it was cool to find out about another special grade, but we truly get to meet her through Suguru's perspective which leaves a negative overall impression of someone who's fucking around while others suffer and who's rather callous and uncaring about effects her words might cause. As she kept appearing here and there I kept thinking she was cool but not much else and she only recently really grabbed my attention.
Impression now
Oh I'm very curious about her now. We still don't know a whole lot (I'm noticing a theme here lmao) but what we have is SO interesting. Her reveal as a former spv really just 👀👀👀👀 like HELLO PLEASE GIVE US MORE INFO. I def see her as more deep person now than I saw her before and I really like how she's set as the scientific mind contrasting Kenjaku's, I just wish we got more of her ideas. We had so many explanations of what Kenjaku's planning and what their whole deal is, I really want Tsukumo to pull out a power point and explain what she's meaning to do. In Gojo's backstory arc her goal seemed to be to teach non-sorcerers to use cursed energy and now it's to divorce humans of cursed energy, a plan that she had given up on after Toji's death. Why did she return to it, what happened in between, how does she plan to achieve this? All questions I hope we get answer to. She has been just sorta a background player for so long it will be v interesting to watch her develop and actually share what she's about (Gege dont fuck this up for us 🔫)
Favorite moment
Her not giving Tengen the time of day when it comes to other SPV's, you can really feel her anger and detest for Tengen as well as the closeness she may feel with the other SPV's even though she may have never met them. I really, I really hope we get to see her rag on Tengen more, It's so fun.
Idea for a story
I've just published Star Turner which is part Tsukomo Character study part lol curse Riko AU lol and I think that will be it for me and Tsukumo until we have more info. However, aside from the SPV reveal, one of the main reasons I've been feeling fond of Tsukumo lately is her role in Gang au prequel. Just like Toji, she's a character i started really liking once I got to writing her and she's genuinely my top three relationships with Satoru in that au, along with Toji and Yaga. The thing is, Toji is a massive presence in gang au prequel, a direct cause for many of Satoru's personality tics, and a looming shadow over the narrative even after he leaves it mid fic. Yaga is Satoru's semi-familial relation and weaves in and out of the narrative in the custom Yaga way but remains very important sore spot for Satoru as the person who preserved his humanity. Tsukumo on the other hand is a major supporting character in ONE chapter and a minor supporting one in bits of two more and that's IT. But she and Satoru get on like house on fire and she really swoops in to fill in a position Toji wasn't willing to and Yaga wasn't there to fulfill. I haven't gotten to THAT conversation between her and Satoru yet but boy I'm looking forward to it.
Unpopular opinion
I don't think I'm aware of enough Tsukumo opinions to have an unpopular one hjvbhjv
Favorite relationship
The hostility she feels towards Tengen is SO FUCKING GOOD like she's so annoyed and done with his bullshit you love to see it. Other than that I don't think she has many relationships hjvhvh we barely saw her interact with Todo and he's her STUDENT.
Favorite headcanon
When she says she's an ex SPV I don't think that means she stopped BEING a SPV. Like I think she's still compatible with Tengen and could be merged with him, I just think that her potential as a sorcerer was deemed bigger than her potential as a vessel and so it was a 'waste' to merge her. If true backfired horribly since she just ended up doing her own shit and honestly GOOD FOR HER.
ask game
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whimsicallyreading · 3 years
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You Don’t Even Go Here
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Day Two for Rowaelin Month
A college AU
~
Aelin grins mischievously as she walks up the stairs of the men's dorm at Terresan University. The teal-blue waffle iron clutched under her arm.
Aedion didn't really need it. It had been on the fifty-percent-off rack at the supermarket, and he'd simply thrown it in the cart for good measure. Yet, when Aelin saw the box for it laying the hall, she'd seen opportunity.
It had hit her harder than she'd thought. Aedion leaving. They'd been raised like siblings but grew up something closer to best friends. It wasn't fair that he was nearly three years older and ready to leave when she wasn't prepared for him to go.
Aelin had cried the whole car ride home. Then when they finally got back to the house, she'd called him right away. He could hear how teary she was and happily obliged her call. Narrating his actions as he went about setting up his dorm room. He teased her about missing him, but she could tell that he missed her too.
So, armed with an excuse to visit him, Aelin made the hour-long drive to visit her cousin.
Aelin was halfway up the stairs but not paying too much attention to her surroundings. She was too busy repeating Aedion's room number over in her head because no matter how many times she checked her phone, it just wouldn't stick in her head. Maybe if she'd focused a little more on the things happening around her, she wouldn't have crashed into a half-naked man.
A solid and calloused hand darts out and grips her shoulder before she can go tumbling down the stairs. Its twin desperately clutching the towel wrapped around his waist.
Aelin looks up apologetically, and her jaw nearly falls to the floor. His white hair was still damp from the shower and swooped over the top of his head, and his biceps were too large for Aelin to wrap both hands around. An intricate tattoo coils elegantly from a cheekbone and down the length of his body.
He was a man indeed. Nothing like Chaol or Dorian or any of her junior friends. This was a new breed of man. The apex kind. Aelin is pretty sure she looks like a deer in the headlights, and she's too busy ogling him to understand the words he'd been repeating to her.
"Are you okay?" His eyebrows are furrowed as if he's afraid he'd literally struck her stupid. Aelin felt that wasn't far from the truth.
"Yes, sorry," she apologizes as she steps back, suddenly very aware of how in his personal space she was. "I wasn't paying attention. You just caught me by surprise."
Aelin was definitely panicking. Where was her swagger when she needed it most? Why would it choose now to abandon her?
By some miracle, he doesn't seem off-put by her awkwardness. In fact, a smile curls the edges of his lips, revealing a set of dimples that made her heart stumble.
Gods he had dimples.
"No, I ran into you. It's my fault. My name is Rowan.”
He holds out a hand, and Aelin shakes it clumsily. "I'm Aelin."
"Aelin." She loves the way her name rolls off his tongue. "I haven't seen you around before. Are you a freshman?"
Oh no. Aelin's eyes widen, but she recovers swiftly and smooths her features out. Rowan thinks she's a student. Not some crazy high schooler too emotionally dependent on her cousin.
"I'm actually a junior," Aelin laughs at his perplexed expression. "I don't go here, though. I'm just stopping by to drop off some things my cousin forgot."
White lies. What was a white lie worth? Aelin likely wouldn't ever see him again, and is it so wrong for a girl to enjoy some harmless attention? If Aelin spent more time thinking about it, she probably wouldn't like the answers she'd come up with, but that was neither here nor there.
"Is that a waffle maker?" Rowan's green eyes glint with amusement.
"My cousin loves to eat. What year are you?" Aelin crosses her fingers that he's the same age as Aedion and not a senior or something. Her cousin would murder her if he found out she flirted with a man five years older.
"Don't we all? I'm a sophomore, a bit younger than you, I suppose." Rowan drags a hand through his hair. "Listen, I know you came to see your cousin, but maybe I could get your number, and we could get a cup of coffee before you head out?"
Was this really happening? Aelin inwardly squealed with excitement. Lysandra would die when she recounted this story later. "Sure."
Just as she pulled her phone from her pocket, an all too familiar voice materialized behind her. "Aelin?"
Aedion smiles as he lays eyes on his beloved cousin. He takes a couple steps down the stairs, and that grin quickly fades as he sees the naked man.
Oops, she'd forgotten that detail.
"Rowan?" Aedion's eyes harden as they lock on Rowan. "Why the hell are you ogling my cousin with no clothes on?"
"You know him?" Aelin swears under her breath. She cannot believe her luck.
Aedion laughs coldly as he sizes up Rowan, "He's my roommate, but he's about to be a corpse. Why are you perving on my seventeen-year-old cousin?"
Rowan's looks between the bewildered. "You said you were a junior?"
Aedion laughs harshly as Aelin blushes. "I am...just in highschool. Not college. I told you I didn't go here."
"I didn't realize I was rooming with a pedophile," Aedion grabs Aelin and pulls her to his chest. "Was he bothering you?"
"Pedophile?" Rowan's dimples have disappeared, and he looks at Aedion disturbed. "I'm only nineteen!"
Aelin shoves away from Aedion's boorish grip. "The only one bothering me is you."
Rowan's cheeks are flushed red as the full impact of the situation they were found in dawns on him. Damn it if Aelin didn't find his blush endearing. He is a solid chunk of muscle. How is everything he does so cute?
"Look, I just got out of the shower, and I bumped into Aelin. It was an accident. She was just on her way to give you your waffle maker-"
"You brought my waffle maker?" Aedion cuts Rowan off, eyeing the box under her arm.
That's when Aelin sees it. The twinkle of mischief in his eye and the forced concern. Aedion was playing her. He obviously knew Rowan wasn't a creep and saw the perfect opportunity to cause chaos. Aelin scowls at him, and that spark grows brighter. It's moments like this she wonders why she ever missed her cousin in the first place.
Aedion tugs the box out of her grasp and smiles. "Wow. This is perfect timing. Vaughn and Fen were just talking about making breakfast for dinner." He looks at Aelin and forces a frown. "If I'd known you were coming, I would have invited you, but it would kind of be rude to bring a guest now."
"What?" Aelin sputters. She drove all this way, and he was really going to ditch her? It was embarrassing, but tears prickled at the edges of her eyes. He was an ass, but she obviously came because she missed him, and he didn't even care? She really thought they were closer than that.
"Yeah. Sorry, Lin." Aedion points at Rowan, who was just standing to the side, thoroughly uncomfortable. Yet, despite the awkwardness, he hadn't left. "Hey, you owe me one for creeping on my little cousin. Earn my trust back and see that she has something for dinner and gets to her car safely? She has my phone number, one bad text, and your ass is grass."
Aedion tosses her a wink, and it's all Aelin can do to keep from outright gaping. Rowan looks stunned, his eyes darting between the two Ashryvver's. They settle on Aelin for a moment too long. Some of the tension eases from his shoulders, and he smiles. "I think I can manage that."
"Good." Aedion turns back up the stairs pats the box. "Thanks for bringing it to me, Lin. I'll call you tomorrow, don't send me to voicemail."
Just like that, her cousin, a walking, talking agent-of-chaos, disappears back to wherever he came from.
"So," Rowan starts, "If you want, I know a perfect Italian place we could swing by, my treat seeing as I plowed into you."
Aelin frowns and fiddles with the end of her necklace. "You aren't upset that I lied?"
"You didn't lie." Rowan chuckles, a deep sound that sends a shiver of delight down Aelin's spine. "You don't go here."
Aelin tilts her head as if she's deeply considering the offer. "I suppose it couldn't hurt. What's good there?"
"They have an awesome kabob." Rowan tugs his towel tighter. "It's my favorite."
It's Aelin's turn to laugh. "Isn't that just meat on a stick?"
"Let's go, and I can show you how profoundly wrong you are," he moves to take a step down, but Aelin stops him with a hand to the shoulder. "What is it?"
Aelin points to his towel, "I don't think they will serve guests without pants."
The flush that Aelin loves his back full force as he scrambles the other direction up the stairs. "Shit. Give me five minutes. I'll be right back. Aedion better have not locked out or I swear-"
Rowan's embarrassed tirade quiets as he charges up to his dorm to change. Aelin smiling as he goes. She can't believe she's going out to dinner with a guy like that.
Opening her phone, she sends a quick heart emoji to her cousin. He instantly replies back with one of his own. Aedion may have moved to college, but he still had her back at the end of the day. Even if it wasn't in the most ideal way.
Rowan comes back down the stairs moments later, and she's not disappointed by what she sees. He took the time to put on a flannel shirt and comb some gel through his hair. While the view without clothes had been pleasant, Aelin could definitely appreciate this look too.
"I'm ready if you are," Rowan extends an arm to help her down the stairs.
It's such a fussy, old-man move, and she loves it.
"Let's go."
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wattpadscapcons · 3 years
Text
Addiction (Pregame Kokichi x Reader)
tw: Extreme self-esteem issues, relationship insecurities, obsession, reader is a literal saint let's be honest, implications of dependency
Word Count: 1166
=
"I wouldn't want to be anyone else."
These words slip out of your mouth before you could stop them. Kokichi sighs, and with a gentle squeeze of your hand, mutters out something you wish he didn't say.
"Funny, I wish I could be anyone else other than me."
"Why?"
"Huh?"
"Why would you say that?"
"......Because that's just how I feel Y/N. I'm weak, and my intelligence only seems to help me in the most desperate times. How am I supposed to even protect you?"
"You're actually worried about me? You did see what I did to Kaito right?"
"Wait that was you?!"
"Duh! He deserved it too!"
=
He gave you a look and jokingly backed up again.
"Not funny babe."
"Nishishi."
=
He still seemed to be putting up a front as always it seems, he rarely lets it slip, even around you. You can understand where he's coming from though, it's hard to be vulnerable with anyone when you're so used to be taken advantage of. This issue definitely isn't new, but it must be debilitating for him to deal with.
You could tell him you love him hundreds of times and still wonder about it on some of his worst days. He'd never say a thing to question you though, he wants to trust you on it. Trust, that's the issue. He trusts you a lot more than other people since you've stayed with him for so long. You still have a long ways to go to really get him to say how he really feels, or what he actually wants to do with you.
=
He notes when you pay attention and remember everything he says he likes or hates, when you go out of your way to make his day better, when you protect him from others, and every other nice thing you've done for him. The mere thought of it was enough for him to smile, but so was seeing you in person.
You who are so loved. He envies that about you, and yet you still chose him over the others. That might be the one thing he can never quite wrap his head around. Why him, when there are so many others who fawn over you? Why him out of anyone? What made him different to you?
He keeps overthinking, and it gets to him all of the time. It's no wonder why he can get so quiet or take longer pauses to respond.
=
Somehow you managed to make him both feel special, and question himself in a single swoop. Yet, you assure him when on the rare occasion he questions you about how you really feel about him.
=
"Why do you love me again?"
"Kokichi...I've told you so many times before why."
"Humor me, please."
"I love you because you’re one of the strongest people I've ever known. Not once have I met anyone quite like you before."
"That still doesn't make any sense to me Y/N."
"Probably since you may be looking at it from the wrong angle. I refer to your mental strength, not physical dear."
"I know that...."
"Then there should be nothing to feel confused about."
"I'm confused as to why you came to that conclusion in the first place."
"I've seen so many people toss you to the side before as if you were nothing, yet you still got up and brushed it off. -"
"I never just "brush it off" Y/N. You are the only one who doesn't continuously try to hurt me in some way and I can't figure out why. Why haven't you just got rid of me already?"
" 'Cause you matter a lot more to me than you'll ever know."
=
He'll secretly worship you for that. For being the one to see good in everyone. For being the one to save him from his own self-hatred. For being everything he needed to start feeling ok. For insisting on keeping him safe no matter how many mistakes he makes. For just...be you. He could never imagine how life without you would play out, he never wants that to happen.
He could stay like this forever. Laying in bed, just staring at your sleeping form next to him, or laying his head in your lap while you watch TV. You never try to push him away, never make him feel like he's a burden to you, never question his actions unless it could get him hurt, you never do anything that might bring him more mental turmoil. You were his painkiller, you made everything stop.
He can still remember when you finally got it through his head. The moment of realization.
=
"So you love me....you really love me..."
The fact that he was even surprised that you did in the first place was enough for you to pull him into a hug. He clutched onto the back of your shirt, desperately trying to find a way to get just a little closer to you. He always felt warm when you were around, and suspected that's because he had some kind of pitiful love for one of the only people who ever seemed to treat him like he deserved. You brought him so much happiness, so much that he felt as he could never repay you for it all in a single lifetime.
=
"I always have. I'm sorry Kichi, I should've made it clear at the very beginning."
"No! I should've realized it myself! You've done everything to prove it to me, I guess I just wasn't ready for this."
"Ready for what?"
"The pain to stop.... I'm so used to being in some kind of pain, but you seem to be a painkiller for me. You're always making me feel better about just being myself, you never try to hurt me, and you've kept me from giving up entirely so many times I've lost count."
=
He's just hoping that you will continue to make all of those negative thoughts go away every time it gets him to the point of a breakdown. He hates having to rely on you for this every time, but no one else would ever comfort him like you do. No one else would try to comfort him at all, due to those facades of his. You broke them once, and you'll keep knocking down those walls until he can breathe again.
You are the only one worth being honest to, and it utterly scares him. He dreads thinking of a day that you finally see himself the way he does and end up leaving. You’re his addiction, motivating him to get up out of bed, go to school, deal with the others, deal with the chances of being mistreated again, all so he can see you. It's a wonder you haven't noticed just how close he is to snapping. He can't handle the thoughts of you with someone else.
You assure him that'll never happen. You'd never lie to him about that.
=
@ohlookitsnormannn
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jinxthequeergirl · 6 years
Text
After you're gone
Ben hargeeves x reader
Tumblr media
Summary: as one of the other 43 kids born that day you where unaware of your abilitys until they took the thing you loved the most ruining your life until you run into a strange group
Warning: swearing
~~~~~
17 years ago:
You slammed the bag on to the table.
"That enough?" the man behind the counter looked up at you and guestured for you to spill it's contents.
You huffed grabbing the bottom of the bag and yanking it to let everything fall on to the table. He leaned forward examining everything.
"Looks like you're a few bucks short kid."
"What the hell do you mean?"
"I mean what I said!"
You narrowed your eyes at him and began to scoop everything into the bag again. "Hold up!" he placed a hand over top of your's stopping you. You froze staring at his hand before yanking it free.
"I'll cut you in on a deal."
"Oh Yea?" you fixed the gloves on your hands and looked at him annoyed. "Sure! You need it and I'm a good guy kid so listen up!" he kicked his legs back up onto the table. "I heard a few guys who owe me money are robbing a bank in town...I feel it's safe to say they aren't bringing me that money....so maybe.."
You huffed. "You have all these men all these residents struggling to make a living yet you send a 13 year old girl to do your dirty work!"
He smirked and shrugged. "We don't call you Robin Hood for nothing."
"You don't call me that." you turned to walk out as he called after you. "Tomorrow afternoon twelve sharp my dear thief!"
You climbed up the stairs to your small room of an apartment.
It wasn't always like this. You thought back to it as you jumped over the two missing steps in the stair.
You where Ten. No.
Nine. You where nine when your mom died and left you to this dump.
"Hey Lindsay." You knelt down and pet the cat outside your door and looked at the older girl. "What the boss say short stack?"
She got you in to this place she was only six years older than you at this point but with the way she acted you would have guessed she was a 60 year old woman trapped in her body.
"I was a few bucks short..."
"Oh?"
"And I have to Rob a bank to pay the rest off."
"Oh! That'll be fun yet again you're his lovely little eran girl ready to swoop in and save the day!"
You rolled your eyes and stepped inside of the apartment. Lindsay may have been the one to take you under her wind in this place but you quickly took her place as favioret and she despised that "Goodnight linds."
"Night brat."
The door slammed shut causing the wall's to shake and flakes of dry wall to crumble to the floor.
You floped onto the matters on the floor and stared up at the ceiling run through your plan for tomorrow.
The plan? There was no plan. You learned pretty easie that there where never plans. If there where they didn't help they just set a guid line of what SHOULD happen and how it SHOULD go but it's not how it works.
You turned over on your side settling on the fact that you would just have to wing it and hope you got what you needed. And enough of it without being caught by the police or the criminals.
~
"You have exactly two hours to get down there and decide on what it is you plan on doing."
You peered up at Lindsay from your bed sneering. "I know what I'm doing go away!"
"Then you better get going small fry."
You groaned and sat up. "Fine!"
She looked at you with a smirk as you tied your hair up, threw your coat on over your hoodie and grab you bag before sliding the window open.
"Good luck!" you flipped her off before sliding out the window.
The street outside of the bank showed no sighn that a robbery was to take place. You examined it before stepping inside examining the people inside. Nothing. Just normal people not a single one looked out of place or unusual. You sighed and made your way over to a bench waiting for something to happen. You pulled at the fingers on your gloves pulling them halfway off until you stopped and slid them back on. You repetad that process for for a while until something finally happened.
"EVERYONE ON THE GROUND!" your head shot up and you spotted several men with large bags and guns. Finally.
You noticed A few of the men slid into the vault. You stood up and sprinted over to it but some one caught your hood and pulled you down. "What the he-" a boy around your age in a school boy uniform and domino mask sat infront of you and covered your mouth.
You furrowed your brows at him as he peered past the counter. The gun shots from behind you caused you to jump. "Stay here!" he got up and crawled past you. "Wait!" you turned to follow after him but stoped when another kid crashed through the glass ceiling and took two guys out.
The one who tackled you was gone you. looked across the way to see a girl whispering in one of the guys ears. And another not even paying attention as a guy snuck up behind him. "Shit! Hey kid!" you got up and ran to him and sweept his legs out from under him before pulling your glove off and grabbing the guys writst to disarm him.
The man winced in pain as you held his wrist as green started to spread through his veins all the way from there you held his wrist all the way up his arm. He pulled away in fear holding his arm screaming as it continued to travel through his body like a plague eventually leaving him to collapse to the floor.
You stepped back quickly putting your glove back on before turning to the kid. "You alright?"
He stared at you in awe. "You did that?"
You offered a hand as more gun shots ring out and another man fell to the floor beside you. "Yea...no big deal." He was a smaller boy but looked like he was the same age like the other with same outfit and dark neat hair. "Than-"
He was cut off.
"Ben!" you both turned to the rest of the kids. He stepped forward. "Do I have too?" he stepped forward giving you the chance to get out. You ran and hid behind one of the counters.
The boy turned to where you stood but saw you where gone and sighed walking over to the other kids. "I didn't sign up for this..."
You peered over the counter and stared in shock at the monster that demolished all the men left in the vault. "Holy fuck..." the boy named Ben came out of the vault covered in blood. "Can we go home?"
After the gang of kids let all the hostigas go you stuck behind hoping to slip into the vault then out the back. You got up once you though the other kids where gone and headed over. "How old are you?"
You froze and turned to Ben and one of the kids. "Old enough why?"
"Really how old are you? Because If your as old as I think you are that means your like us...that means dad might wanna meet you."
The other kid said. "I'm 13..."
The boys exchanged a look. "I'm Ben this is my brother klaus...he saw what you did too..."
Now:
You sighed to yourself as you climbed up the step to the large house.
"Why am I even doing this?.." you bit your lip And knocked on the door waiting for an answer.
When the door opened both you and the girl on the other side exchanged a surprised look.
"Y/n!"
"Vanya!... Hi!"
"Hi uh its...it's Good to see you...come in!"
"Sorry about your father..." she waved you off as she shut the door. "Its not a big deal..."
Even as a kid you couldn't talk to vanya. You never knew how or what to say. "Oh well I uh read your book!"
"Oh really?"
"Yea I really liked it actually" she gave a heartless chuckle. "At least someone did..."
"I'm taking it they didn't take it well?"
"They hate me." You looked at her. "I...im Sure that's not-"
"It's fine Y/n, What are you doing here?"
"I heard the news about Reginald obviously so I though I would check in on...on klaus...is he here yet?"
She looked at you as you looked around your eyes landing in the window that lead to the yard. You stared at the copper figure that sat outside.
"I haven't see him yet...but feel free to stay I'll let him know your here if I see him." you continued to state and nodded at her. "Ok...ok thanks..."
17 years ago:
"Absolutely not!"
You jumped at the old man's sudden telling at the boys in front of you.
"Dad c'mon she's just like us! You shod have seen what she did to that guy back at the bank!" klaus held your shoulders presenting you to his and bens father.
"She also dosent have a home." Ben steped in front of you trying to persuade Him even more.
"Number 6! Number 4! I do not appreciate you brining this young lady into our home! And attempting to make her one of us which she is not! And will not be!"
You could see three of the other kids looking at you with looks of what you could only read as disgust from behind him.
You shook yourself free from klaus. "You know what it dosent matter I don't wanna be part of your silly little super hero cult anyways!"
"Y/n!" Ben called after you as you hurried to the front door. "No I'm sorry thank for your efforts ben...and klaus but I've been on my own plenty I'll get over it."
You shut the door behind you and hurried down the street to head back home.
"Hey! Hey wait up!" you glanced behind you and found Ben and klaus running after you.
"What are you two doing?"
"Listen kiddo we feel bad for the situation your in and well everything back there so-"
"We're hoping to be friends." Ben cut klaus off again. "Yea!" klaus wrapped his arm around you as the three of you continued to walk.
You smiled and nodded. "Alright..."
"C'mon lets get something to eat!" Ben grabbed your hand and lead you down the street
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rustandruin · 6 years
Note
Hiya Rust 😊 Probably quite a strange ask but I'll go ahead anyway... Are there any books that you'd recommend reading?? I haven't read a book for my own enjoyment for years and I really want to but I don't know where to start!! I'm going to read Good Omens as I desperately want to read the book before watching the TV show. Any genre's good (apart from horror or romance). If you can't think of any don't worry!! Just thought I'd ask saying I found out about Good Omens from you 😂 x
Charlie! This is such exciting news! I’m so so excited for you. Reading is good (even though I have been so lax about it lately) and Good Omens is truly an excellent book. Come hit me up as you’re reading it! I’m aiming to do a reread before the show premieres on May 31st!
But let's get you some other book recommendations! (I tried to keep these kind of general and across the board in the hopes that you’ll find at least one thing you’ll like? If not, please do come back and tell me. That way I can generate a new list!) 
CORALINE: I don’t know how familiar you are with Neil Gaiman’s writing, or even this book (or the movie based on it), but I figured I’d throw at least one book on here by him, because he really hasn’t produced any clunkers. This is just a really good story about being brave and facing your fears -- something I feel is relevant in your college years. (And at various other points in your life!) You might also want to check out his book Stardust, and the excellent movie based on it. 
HIS DARK MATERIALS: This iconic trilogy from Philip Pullman is easily three of my favourite books, and they get better each time I reread them. It starts as the story of a young girl setting out to rescue her friend and grows into something much larger. It seems meant for kids, but to me feels universal, and each time I’ve reread it, I’ve come away with new meaning. I hope it does the same for you.
GENTLEMAN’S GUIDE TO VICE AND VIRTUE: A historical YA novel that tells the story of Henry “Monty” Montague, a young bisexual disaster of a man who is hopelessly in love with his best friend, Percy. It’s one of my favourite books of all time, and has a modern sensibility to it as it examines sexuality, gender, and race in that time. One of my favourite characters in it, Felicity, happens to be asexual and is the lead of her own novel, Ladies Guide to Petticoats and Piracy. (Which I also adored.) [Side note: There is a romance in this, but it isn’t of the “romance” genre, which is what I took you to mean.]
SIX OF CROWS: The first part of a duology (the second is called Crooked Kingdom), that is basically a heist novel. It’s tense, action-packed, and filled with an inclusive cast, each of whom is my children and I would die for them. Netflix is adapting both books, as well as Leigh Bardugo’s trilogy, which is set in the same universe as this, so it’ll be nice to get a jump on that! 
ARISTOTLE AND DANTE DISCOVER THE SECRETS OF THE UNIVERSE: I have yet to meet someone who didn’t love this book, which is about two young Mexican boys growing up in, I think, the 80s and their friendship as they discover who they are and what it means for their friendship and each other. The coming of age story the author weaves is super tender and very heartfelt, but what really sings is his wriing. He’s an incredible author and you just feel everything he describes. I feel like this one really stayed with me. 
CUCKOO’S CALLING: The first Cormorran Strike novel has a great mystery at its heart and is a fine introduction to Strike and his partner Robin. It’s a nice reminder that Rowling can write a very good mystery and that she makes it all seem effortless. (I also breezed by all the books in the series during a rough reading patch, and I feel like that might help you.) This has also since been adapted. 
THIRTEENTH TALE: It’s part mystery, part examination of the tales we tell ourselves and what stories can mean and how they can guide us. I love it so much, and I read it one fell swoop. The writing is quite lush and she sucks in you effectively. It’s about a young woman asked to write a biography of this older woman, and her days spent doing that. Olivia Colman starred in the BBC movie of it. I quite enjoyed that too. 
NIGHT CIRCUS: I always pair this one with the one above, because I read them the same summer and they both just took me by the hand and made my heart run. But this is more romantic fairy tale fantasy, about two dueling magicians who are trying to prove what is better, nature vs. nurture while outdoing each other with magic tricks, while falling deeper and deeper in love with each other. It’s incredible. 
GIANT DAYS: This is a comic, but it’s one of my absolute favourites in that I fucking pay to get each issue as it comes rather than waiting for a collected volume. The pop culture references are on point and John Allison is a wiz with humour, but I think the thing I love most is just how relatable it is on so many levels. You get the joys and pain and humour and ridiculousness of friendships and college life and I think it’ll really speak to you. (Also, Daisy’s coming out is rather nice.) 
SAGA: I had to take a break from reading it because I just sat around thinking about how good this comic series is. There’s a reason it wins so many awards, and that’s because it’s just masterful. The art is exquisite, and the writing top notch, and I fall in love with it more every time I read it. I can’t sum it up accurately. But just know that it’s about love and family and doing what you have to in order to survive in the face of a universe that wants you apart. It’s gorgeous. (Also, kind of a space opera.) 
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hawthornewhisperer · 8 years
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hi! i love your meta so much. i haven't seen you address this, if you have, sorry!--but i was curious what you thought about the physical affection part of the list scene, and then the moments after when bellamy leaves and clarke looks after him. you have great insight, and i'd love to hear your thoughts!
I haven’t talked about it nonny, and I’m glad you like my thoughts enough to ask! I also want to draw your attention to @velvet-tread‘s addition to this post because the parallels they draw between 302 and 403 are mindblowing and heart-wrenching.
As for the physical affection part of the list scene, I think what’s most significant about it is that it’s Bellamy offering physical comfort to Clarke.  With just a few exceptions, it’s always the other way around.  Bellamy is very good at offering Clarke verbal comfort when she’s at her worst– it had to be done, together, if you need forgiveness I’ll give that to you, you’re out of your mind if you think I’m letting you do that alone, I believe you– but Clarke (again with a few exceptions) tends to offer Bellamy physical comfort instead.
The times I can think of that Bellamy has initiated any physical contact at all are as follows: when Clarke is kneeling in front of Lincoln in the dropship, when she’s tied up as Roan’s hostage, right before be cuffs her in 305, when he’s tying her bandage at Niylah’s, and after the List.  He’s also all up in her business when she’s unconscious in s2, but she’s not awake and I suspect that was almost more for him than for her. Kneeling in front of Lincoln isn’t even really a “physical comfort” sort of touch, just an “okay, my turn now,” nudge between friends.  The Hair Touch in the subway tunnel reads more instinctive instead of purposeful to me, because he’s so overwhelmed to finally have her there, in front of him, after three months of separation and worry.  It’s physical comfort, but it’s not deliberate.
That leaves three moments of deliberate physical comfort as initiated by Bellamy– wound tending, hand-holding pre-cuffing, and the Nuzzle.  The hand-holding in Hakeldama is really complicated, because I think he reached out and touched her because seeing Clarke sad is physically painful for him.  He followed it up with cuffing her– which was Not Okay, Buddy– but I do think the initial impulse was to offer her some comfort because even when he’s furious with her, he cares about her.  The wound tending was when they were still incredibly shaky as a pair, and it’s both a literal and metaphorical patch, on Clarke’s wound and on their friendship.  (I also don’t remember if we even see that he initiated it, but I’m gonna go with the interpretation that Clarke was struggling with her bandage all on her own and he came over to help.  But I may be wrong, because I do not want to rewatch s3 and so my memories are a little hazy.)  
As for the Nuzzle, we’re going to return to that, but first I want to talk about how Clarke uses physical contact in relation to Bellamy.  Under the tree in Day Trip we have Clarke giving Bellamy comfort with words more than touch, which is how he generally operates.  There’s a knee touch and maybe some leaning, but it’s mostly his version of support and comfort– verbal, not physical.  But after that, he’s her Person and she shifts to physical affection to comfort him and express her own feelings– she hugs him in 205, and she hugs and kisses him goodbye in 216.  In both instances, it’s not just for him, but for her too– she’s thrilled to see him and heartbroken to leave him, respectively.  But she also uses physical touch purely to comfort him, like when she checks his wounds at Niylah’s.  Touch is how Clarke shows him that she still cares about him, even after everything that’s happened.  
The Beach Hug is one of the purest expressions of Clarke offering Bellamy physical comfort that we have.  He’s crying, and she gives a little bit of a speech but eventually just decides to wrap herself around him until he’s better, and only the arrival of a goddamn Pacifist Navy SEAL unit ends the hug.  
In Polis she reaches for him when she’s terrified she might not survive the City of Light, and it’s only once he’s holding her hand that she calms down.  But you know what she does between the Beach Hug and the Polis handhold?
She tells Bellamy that she trusts him, flat out verbally reminding him that she needs him.  She uses his method of communication rather than her own, because she is able to recognize that that’s what he needs.
What I’m getting at here is that Bellamy usually expresses his love through words and Clarke expresses hers through touch, and it’s when they swap to use the other person’s method of communication that you can see how much they care about each other.  For Clarke, physical contact is the easiest way for her to say you matter to me because words don’t come to her as easily as they do to Bellamy.  For Bellamy, words are safer than touch because he is naturally more guarded than Clarke is, and words are good for keeping people at a literal arm’s length away.  So when Clarke uses her words to tell Bellamy she cares, that’s momentous.  And when Bellamy touches Clarke to show her he cares about her, that’s a big fucking deal.
Which brings us, of course, to the List and the Hand Nuzzle.  Bellamy wakes up and finds Clarke crying and his first instinct is words– if I’m on that list, you’re on that list.  But she can’t, and she’s still so broken and sad.
So Bellamy says I see you’re hurting and I’m here the way Clarke would for him– by touching her.  It’s a gentle touch and I think it’s important that there’s still some distance, because Bellamy does not initiate physical contact lightly.  He’s also trying to respect Clarke’s space and her grief, so he doesn’t swoop in and gather her into his arms.  He just touches her shoulder to say I know, and then Clarke is the one who doubles down on it and nuzzles his hand.  She responds best with physical contact, so this is a language she’s comfortable speaking.  He says I’m here and she says thank you all without them saying an actual word.
But then Bellamy leaves, because touch like that is very intimate and I think it’s overwhelming for him.  I am firmly on the “Bellamy Blake knows he is in Big Time Love with Clarke” train, so when she responds in kind to his touch he has to bail because he knows how he feels about her but he also knows how she feels.  And she’s not in love with him, not yet, and so he makes himself walk away before he reveals too much.  For him, this moment is about what Clarke needs, not what he needs, so he offers her physical comfort and then makes himself leave.
I think when Bellamy left it was, as @velvet-tread, a moment where Clarke realized something was shifting between them.  She had been so grateful for his touch that when he leaves, she looks mournful and thoughtful.  She didn’t want him to go, which isn’t new, but him touching her first is.  I think she appreciated it on a base level of “this is my friend and he made me feel better when I felt terrible,” but I also think it made her realize that he is precious to her in a lot of ways.  But I also think neither of them really has time to process that, so it’s just a little moment of “oh, I wonder if this might be something” that is quickly swallowed up by everything else.  She’s not in love with him, but she’s realizing that she could be.
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