#they have had SOME convo of this is what we mean to each other (but like… after this long I’m sure it’s more than one 💀)

[dnpbeats]

Knowing their dynamic, neither of them asked if they wanted to be boyfriends. It just happened, lol. They're going to be 80 and still be like, "So... what are we?"

60 year long situationship 😭😭

[noxtivagus]

eulmore ost makes me so happy 🥹

[gibbearish]

ok i finished the first chapter and am gonna take a break now but im v excited to keep reading im really liking the way the author looks at things so far

[lesbianstarlightglimmer]

Night

[birdiewriteslit]

omg omg i would LOVVVEEE if like [reader] and luke were dating behind percy’s back cuz of how sassy he would be n stuff but after like a date or kiss from luke the reader would gush about it to either annabeth, grover, or clarisse and one of them tells percy by accident during a convo and then percy like goes up to reader and confronts the reader about it and like scolds the reader and give them a whole lecture about how luke isn’t the right guy then luke overhears and like joins in <333

i love this idea!!

luke castellan x daughter of poseidon!reader

warnings: persassy (once again), fluff, mention of kissing, ignorance of the plot of the show for the sake of my happiness

nobody: me gaslighting myself into thinking i could fix luke:

You and your boyfriend had an agreement. Your relationship was private. It wasn’t necessarily a secret, but it was private.

This was a conclusion you came to before Percy arrived at camp, before you knew you had a brother. At first, you didn’t care much if he figured it out.

That was until you realized what a sassafras he was.

Percy was always sassing you about chores, about activities, and especially about camp boys.

You thought it was cute in the beginning, your little brother being protective over you, but then it became a real nuisance.

“Y/n, stay away from the Ares boys, I don’t like them.”

“Y/n, don’t date an Apollo guy, he’d write you some crappy poetry.”

“Y/n, for the love of gods, stay away from the Dionysus twins, I never want to have Mr. D as a relative.”

These were the types of things you would hear throughout the day as Percy got to know the other campers better.

You thought it better if you kept a low profile when you were around Luke, at least until Percy calmed down a little.

Most of the older campers knew about your relationship, but they were used to it and rarely talked about it.

“Having marriage problems?” Annabeth asked you one day during arts and crafts, where you were both about to give up on your ugly collaborative birdhouse.

“What? I’m not married,” you said, trying to fix a particularly garish looking bird.

She set her paintbrush down, officially proving she was over it. “Obviously. I mean Luke. I noticed you haven’t been around each other as much.”

You could tell she was a little worried. She wouldn’t be asking if she wasn’t. Annabeth had known you and Luke longer than any other campers, and she looked up to both of you. Plus, she always wanted to know about your experience with romance.

“It’s not what you think, Annabeth. We’re really fine,” you said. “In fact, just last night, he took me out on the dock.”

Your nightly meetups with Luke had always been a thing, but had become more frequent as of late.

“And?” Annabeth prompted.

“And, we hung out.” You were now furiously painting over the entire bird you failed to fix.

“You mean you made out,” she said, giving you a knowing look.

“Well, yeah, but I didn’t think you were interested in that part,” you said. “Now pick up that paintbrush, missy. I’m not doing this whole thing myself.”

Annabeth reluctantly dipped the brush in some blue paint, looking like she wanted more details about your date.

Private means private, you thought dismissively.

At campfire, you discovered that private didn’t mean private. You were sitting alone when Percy plopped down next to you. You frowned because you were saving that spot for Luke.

“Annabeth has just told me something very interesting,” he said, glaring at the spot where Luke stood, talking to one of his brothers.

“What would that be, Perce?” you said absentmindedly.

“Apparently Luke was macking on you last night.” He made a sound to imitate vomiting.

You grimaced. “Please never say that word again.”

“So? Is it true or not true?”

You sighed. No point in denying it now. “It’s true.”

Percy somehow managed to look even more disgusted. “Ew, why him?”

You rolled your eyes. “Oh, gee, I don’t know, maybe because I’ve known him for years, he’s kind, strong, and handsome. Wouldn’t you think that had something to do with it?”

“Oh, gods, forget I even asked,” Percy said, retching. “I just think you could do better. Look at all of these lovely candidates. Apollo guys are poets.”

“I thought that was too cringe for you.”

He ignored you and went on, “A Hephaestus guy could forge you some nice jewelry, and Athena guys are smart. You deserve a smart guy. Not Luke, no, he doesn’t have any good qualities like that.”

You noticed a figure approaching you over Percy’s shoulder, and you tried your best to hide the amused smile threatening to break across your face as Luke came to a stop behind him, waiting for the right moment to interrupt.

“All in all, Y/n, I think Luke’s a pretty bad guy for you. You should really reconsider.”

“Oh, I’m a bad guy, am I?” Luke finally spoke up, smirking as Percy slowly turned around to see him peering down at him.

“Not like a bad guy- just, you know, not right for my sister,” Percy said, his confidence leaving him.

“What makes me not right for her?” Luke asked, clearly loving the reaction he was getting.

“I- uh- you know,” Percy stammered.

“Oh, knock it off, Luke. Leave the poor kid alone,” you said, failing to hide your laughter.

“That sound is music to my ears,” Luke said seriously. Jeez, he was really laying it on thick.

Percy’s face returned to the look of disgust. “I’ll be leaving now,” he excused himself, hurrying off to where Grover and Annabeth were sitting on the other side of the fire. You could still see him glaring at Luke as he sat down next to you, wrapping his arm around your shoulders.

You leaned into him, relishing in the combined warmth of the fire and his body heat. “What do you think? Am I getting sassed out tomorrow?” Luke asked, looking down at you.

“No, he looked pretty grossed out. I’m hoping he just avoids the topic altogether,” you said, trailing your fingers over the fabric of his shirt.

“We both know that’s not going to happen,” he concluded, smiling as he pressed a soft kiss to your temple.

[fayes-fics]

Textual Encounter

Pairing: Benedict Bridgerton x fem!reader, modern AU

Summary: Text fic. Wrong number meet-cute over text.

Warnings: none... this is fluff and humour.

Word Count: 1.4k

Summary: Fic request fill for Anon (HERE). I kept it fun and fluffy, but yeah, I can see a sequel where they sext. Thanks to @colettebronte for the read-through. Enjoy! <3

Y/N: Hey Liz, it’s y/n y/l/n. Kindle Spa gave me your mobile. Said you had moved to another salon. I don’t trust anyone else to wax me tbh. Big date this week, kwim 😉 Can I get an appt? I’ll come to you. Doesn’t matter where. 

BB: Errr, I think you have the wrong number…

Y/N: Not Liz?

BB: Nope, Ben here. 

Y/N: Not a waxer, I presume?

BB: I may have waxed lyrical in my time, may even have lit a few candles. Have not waxed anyone no - my own body or anyone else’s. Yet. But I’m game to try anything once...

Y/N: Lol.

BB: Big date, eh?

Y/N: ….Yeah. Not that it's any of your business, stranger Ben.

BB: Fair. BB: Does it hurt?

Y/N: ??

BB: Getting waxed.

Y/N: Oh. Yeah. Like a motherfucker. But you sorta get used to it, tbh. And it’s so much less itchy than shaving regrowth, especially in sensitive areas… Wait, why am I having this convo with a complete stranger?!

BB: We don’t have to be strangers. BB: I’m Ben, 33, London. BB: I have no strong opinions on hair removal methods.

Y/N: lol. K. I’m y/n, 28, also London. Y/N: I, as you can see, do have some opinions.

BB: Hi y/n 👋 BB: I hope you can find Liz. Or someone else to assist with your hair needs.

Y/N: I would like it stated, for the record, I’m not hairy like a troll. I just like to keep things neat.

BB: The lady doth protest too much…

Y/N: You are cheeky for a stranger.

BB: Hey, I thought we agreed. Not strangers. Me Ben. You hairy troll.

Y/N: BLOCK.

BB: Just typing it doesn't work, you know.

Y/N: You should work at the Apple Genius Bar.

BB: Hmm, possibly. I do look good in blue. Or so I've been told.

Y/N: Always glad to provide career counselling.

BB: 🫡

4 days later.

BB: How’d your date go?

Y/N: That's odd. I don’t see a Genius Bar appt in my calendar…?

BB: iCal is a lying bastard. BB: I also assume you now can move faster through water.

Y/N: ??

BB: Waxed smooth like a dolphin…?

Y/N: 😆 Y/N: Entirely none of your business, but yes, actually. Well mostly. I leave some. Why am I telling you this?! Y/N: The guy was such a dud tho, I didn't get to show it off 🙁

BB: Please don't stop on my account. This is just delightful.  BB: I apologise on behalf of all men.

Y/N: For what?

BB: Having 4 sisters, I find the safest answer here is usually… everything, of course.  BB: But specifically, your rubbish date.

Y/N: Apology conditionally accepted. Y/N: 4 sisters?! 

BB: Only conditional? What do I gots to do to make it unconditional? BB: Yeah, I know… I’ve got 3 brothers too. My parents were really into each other. 

Y/N: IDK, serve a mean martini? Y/N: Understatement.

BB: That could be arranged. I took an online mixology course during lockdown.  BB: My sister El declared I'm better than Stanley Tucci. Admittedly, that was after 4 espresso martinis… but I'm taking it. She's opinionated but the best one. They are a weird bunch tho 🤔

Y/N: WOAH WOAH WOAH. That's a bold claim.

BB: Well, there’s only one way to dispute it: try one for yourself…

Y/N: Smooth, Genius Bar, smooth.

BB: I do my best 🤷

1 day later.

Y/N: I can't get my AirPods to work.

BB: You do realise I didn’t actually follow your career advice?

Y/N: Urgh. Inconvenient. What use are you then?

BB: As I said. Cocktails. I’ll try my hand at waxing if you want.

Y/N: Best stick to the day job. Which is…?

BB: Graphic design.

Y/N: Oh, that’s quite cool. 

BB: It pays the bills. You?

Y/N: MI-5

BB: Wow, you're a shit spy.

Y/N: It could be an excellent double bluff…

BB:

Y/N: Oh, we’ve graduated to memes now, have we, Genius Bar?

BB: It was called for.

Y/N: I’ll take it. Purely cos it's a Hemsworth.

BB: I would too, tbh.

Y/N: Bi?

BB: For a Hemsworth? Always.

Y/N: Anyone else?

BB: I’ll keep you posted.

Y/N: I'm on the edge of my seat.

3 days later.

BB: Oscar Issac.

Y/N: Good non sequitur evening to you, too, Genius Bar Ben.

BB: For the bi thing.

Y/N: Ahh. Got it. I can respect that.

BB: This is me, btw: www.instagram.com/benbridgerdesign.  BB: Figured you can decide for yourself if I'm a creeper.

Y/N: Appreciated.

3 minutes later.

Y/N: You paint?

BB: I dabble

Y/N: Modesty will only make me like you more.

BB: You like me?! 🥹

Y/N: You didn't mention you were handsome.

BB: There is no way to respond to that without me sounding like a twat.

BB: But thank you 😊

Y/N: This is me: www.instagram.com/ynhandle 

7 minutes later.

BB: Oh, Amalfi is so beautiful, isn't it?

Y/N: Wow. That's a deep cut. How far did you scroll back??

BB: 👀

Y/N: Yeah, it's beautiful. Shame it's tainted for me now. Was there with an ex.

BB: I saw. Very handsome.

Y/N: Are you sure you're not just into men full-stop?

BB: 🤷 BB: You’re very pretty, too.

Y/N: I’d believe it if you didn't mention my “very handsome” ex first…

BB: I call it like I see it. BB: I have had 4 whiskeys, tho, so make of that what you will.

Y/N: On a school night?!

BB: It’s my brother Ant's birthday. This is like non-optional drunk, I’ll have you know.

Y/N: Happy birthday to him. 

BB: He says thanks. He’s also told me to get off my fucking phone. Which is rich. He is texting his wife nonstop.

Y/N: Hah! Safe travels through Whiskeytown, BenBridger 🫡

BB: I kinda miss Genius Bar…. 😞

Y/N: I can't win…

2 days later.

BB: Settle an argument for me.

Y/N: 🍿

BB: Col, younger brother, never stops eating... He claims Katz Deli is overrated. I argue it's touristy but still good. You’ve been. Where do you sit on this matter?

Y/N: You really did go thru my Insta, didn't you?? Y/N: Thanks for the follow, BTW.

BB: It's a compliment, I assure you. BB: Welcome. And same.

Y/N: Not complaining. And yeah, I agree with you, actually.

BB: Hah! Excellent!!

Y/N: Wait… your older brother is Ant, and your younger brother is Col? You’re Ben. So, like ABC?

BB:  … I already warned you my family was weird.

Y/N: You did. You did.

BB: Now, please excuse me while I go gloat.

Y/N: 👍

5 mins later.

BB: Hi. This is Col. You must be the famous y/n. Ben’s in the bogs, and the mug left his phone on the table unlocked, so this is on him.  BB: He like really likes you. Like a lot. Will you go on a date with him pls? 

Y/N: Err, ok, hi Col. Y/N: Umm, I think Ben should be the one to ask me that. Don’t you?

BB: He’s too scared you’ll say no.

Y/N: I won't…

BB: EXCELLENT.

2 minutes later.

BB: I am so SO sorry about that 😬 He’s such a shit. BB: But… do you mean it?

Y/N: Ask me properly…

BB: Would you, y/n, like to go on a date with me? Please?

Y/N: I would be delighted to Ben. 😀

BB: 🙏 BB: Are you free on Thursday? Could I take you to dinner?

Y/N: Sounds wonderful. 

BB: 7pm? Meet at Picadilly Circus? By Brasserie Zedel?

Y/N: I’ll be there 😀

BB: 😀

10 days later.

BB: I think you should know… Liz is an artiste 😮‍💨

Y/N: Stop texting me from my bed, you dork. 😘 Y/N: How do you take your coffee?

BB: I'm like 10 meters away. Why not just ask me?

Y/N: You started this, Genius Bar…

BB: Come back to bed, Mostly Hairless Troll.

Y/N: I asked for that, didn't I? 🤦

Benedict taglist, pt 1: @makaylan @longingintheuniverse @iboopedyournose @aintnuthinbutahounddog @severewobblerlightdragon @writergirl-2001 @heeyyyou @enichole445 @enchantedbytomandhenry @ambitionspassionscoffee @chaoticcalzoneranchsports @nikaprincessofkattegat @baebee35 @crowleysqueenofhell @fiction-is-life @lilacbeesworld @broooookiecrisp @queen-of-the-misfit-toys @eleanor-bradstreet @divaanya @musicismyoxygen84 @miindfucked @sorryallonsy @cayt0123 @hottytoddyhistory @fictionalmenloversblog @zinzysstuff @malpalgalz @kinokomoonshine @causeimissu @delehosies @m-rae23 @last-sheep @panhoeofmanyfandoms @kmc1989 @desert-fern @corpseoftrees-queen @magical-spit @bunnyweasley23 @how-many-stars-in-the-sky @sya-skies

[allaboutnayeli]

ICE CREAM IS THE KEY TO MY HEART | a.russo x reader

summary: for your first date, alessia takes you out to go eat your favorite: ice cream.

author notes: so i made a poll a long while ago for which player i should write for when i had hit 600 followers and alessia won, so i was supposed to had made an alessia fic back then but i hit over 700 followers way faster than i thought i would 🫠 so instead of this being the 600 follower special, i have something else in the works since i hit 700. anyways enjoy everyone 💞

contains: alessia russo x reader, lesbians being lesbians, fluff!, reader is a total foodie, this is short & sweet

playing melting by kali uchis 🎵

"are you sure this looks good?" you say, gesturing to your makeup as you look at laura who's sitting on your bed. the austrian player narrows her eyes, checking out your face. after a moment or two she smiles and nods.

"yep! i think it looks great on you. especially the mascara," laura stands then walks over to where you are sitting at your vanity. she makes you turn back to the mirror so she can help you out with your hair. "i feel like a slickback would fit your look for today.." she says, grabbing a brush and some gel without even waiting for a yes from you.

"wow, thanks.." you say sarcastically as she starts to brush your hair back.

"awe, you're welcome," she says back just as sarcastically, which makes you scoff, but still you sit there and let her do the hairstyle. while she's doing that, you start to zone out, thinking about the reason you're getting ready right now. alessia, the pretty blonde with the bright smile, asked you out on a date after practice yesterday. the two of you have been acting oblivious about your feelings toward each other for weeks at that point, and everybody else at arsenal was sick of it. apparently, lotte told ella to tell alessia she should just go for it and ask you out (that's what you could make out in the blonde's jumbled rant while she was asking you out) and alessia actually took that advice.

of course, you agreed right away when she asked. you remember how she gave you a shy smile before saying, "i'll text you the details, okay?"

"yeah, okay," you smile back at her, then you two went to your separate cars. that smile was permanently struck on your face for the entire ride home.

the good thing about being teammates is that you and alessia didn't have to exchange numbers when she asked you out since you two exchanged numbers the first time yall met. later that day, the english player texted you a simple message ice cream? 3pm tmr?

you immediately agreed, replying back with your own message 100% yes. i love ice cream 💗. alessia replied back with see you tomorrow!! and the conversation ended there. just because the conversation ended doesn't mean your mind stopped thinking about the date. all your thoughts were centered around alessia and ice cream since 6:20pm when that text convo ended to now.

laura talking snaps you out of your thoughts. "alessia is going to be even more love-sick when she sees you," she says. you look in the mirror to see your hair slicked back nicely into a ponytail; laura can do a pretty good slickback.

"thank you, and alessia is not love-sick," you say as laura moves away from you. the blonde goes back to sitting on your bed, grabbing her phone off of your pillow before laying back.

"she totally is, but okay, we can pretend that she isn't for your sake." you are quick to throw a hello kitty plushie that's near you at her. obviously, she doesn't dodge it as she was busy on her phone, but laura throws it right back at you. unlike her, you dodge it, laughing when she sticks her tongue out at you.

you are about to continue bickering with her, but your phone ringing interrupts you.

"must be your lover girl," laura says when you pick up the device. you give her a nice middle finger before leaving out of the room. it is infact alessia on the other line. you smile right away when her soothing voice comes through the phone.

"are you ready? because i'm outside and really want to see you right now," the blonde says. you giggle at her words; alessia seems to talk with the motto of talk now, think later which you can't help but to find charming.

"i really want to see you too. i'm coming, gimme a sec," you say. the two of you stay on the phone for a few more minutes, then you hangup, going back into your bedroom to grab your wallet. before laura can even speak a word you say, "don't start. she's outside, so i have to go."

laura with her annoying playfulness speaks anyways, "whatever. have fun, lovebird."

you stick your tongue out at her, then grab your wallet. you turn around to see her sticking her tongue out right back at you.

"shut up. don't burn down my house while i'm gone!" you leave out of your bedroom and quickly make you way down the stairs then outside. you smile as your eyes land on alessia's mercedes. the english player gets out of the car, giving you a small wave as she smiles.

you smile back at her, walking down your stairs then over to her.

"hi lessi! you look stunning," you take in alessia's look for the day as you stop infront of her. she's wearing a simple pink sweatshirt and jeans that really make her legs look nice.

the blonde blushes at your compliment, her smile becoming brighter if that's even possible. "thanks. you look amazing too," she says. pushing some strands of her hair behind her ear out of nervousness.

"flatter-er," you chuckle before pulling her in for a quick hug. she wraps her arms around you, resting her head on your shoulder. it's a warm hug that lasts a few minutes until you pull away, making alessia whine.

you gesture to her car, "we should get going, yeah? we have ice cream to eat."

alessia lets out a soft oh, remembering that, oh yeah, this is a date. like the gentleman she is, alessia walks around the car to the passenger side and opens the door for you. your smile doesn't leave your lips as you go over to the side too, sliding into the passenger seat.

"thanks lessi."

"anything for a pretty girl," alessia smiles at you before closing the door. smiling seems to be the theme for today because you can't stop smiling even when alessia gets into the car. she buckles her seatbelt, then looks over at you, "need some help?"

you look down at yourself and realize you aren't wearing your seatbelt. quickly, you snap it in before replying, "no, i'm not a child." your tone holds no malice, more teasing than anything else. alessia shrugs before looking ahead, "wow sorry for being polite. i'll be ruder next time. nice girls always finish last."

you look at her, then burst out laughing. she laughs as well as she starts to drive.

"please never say that again," you say. alessia is quick to nod with a smile, "sorryy. don't know what got into me."

the conversation continues to flow as she drives. alessia looks great in the driver's seat. the focused look in her eyes almost makes you flush. the main perk of being the passenger is being able to stare at alessia with no other distractions. the tall woman notices you're staring a few times, a light blush coloring her cheeks every time she remembers you are in her car right now, admiring her.

it doesn't take long for you two to reach the ice cream shop. alessia parks behind a jeep with the ugliest shade of neon green you have ever seen (ew) then gets out of the car. coming over to the passenger side to open the door for you like earlier. again, you smile at her as a thanks as you get out.

"didn't know you were so charming, lessi," you say, linking arms with the striker as you two start to walk around the car to get to the pavement.

"yeah, been like that since birth i guess," she chuckles. grabbing the door handle to the shop when you two reach the door, opening it up to let you inside.

"i can open some doors too, you know." still, you go inside of the shop (which is thankfully empty expect for the cashier and whatever other staff is in the back), again smiling at alessia as a way of saying thank you. alessia smiles back as she walks in after you.

she links your arms again, "i know, but i'm the one who asked you out, so i think i should be treating you like a princess today."

"so what you're saying is if i ask you out, i can treat you like a princess?" you look at her, heart pounding. her words had made your heart flutter; how could one woman be so sweet?

alessia just shrugs, "maybee. that's a question for later."

you two go over to the counter. the various ice cream flavors have your eyes lighting up like a kid in a candy shop. ice cream has been your favorite since forever. you have had an ice cream cake for every single birthday since you were sick and always keep your fridge stocked with at least one tub of your favorite flavor of the month. to say your ice cream obsessed would be an understatement.

"what can i get for you two?" says the brunette behind the counter. your eyes look at the various flavors before answering, "mint chocolate for me, please."

alessia grimaces at your choice, obviously judging. "uh, i'll get cookies and cream. thanks."

"alright, sizes? cone or cup? any add-ons?" the brunette says. you two start to list off what you want for the ice cream with you getting a large with a waffle cone and alessia get a medium in a normal cone. alessia gives her name for the order and ends up paying for both ice creams like the gentleman she is.

"you didn't have to pay really," you say as the cashier moves from the counter to go make yall ice creams. alessia just shrugs with a smile on her lips, "told you.. i get to treat you like a princess today."

"yeah, thank you. you have been giving me true princess treatment this entire time.. expect for the fact you don't like mint chocolate."

"i like you, but the doesn't mean i have to like all of your choices. mint chocolate basically just tastes like toothpaste," alessia grimaces again. you nudge her with your shoulder, "it does not."

alessia shakes her head, "it so does."

before you can come back with defense of your beloved mint chocolate, the worker is back with you two's ice creams. both of you give a quick thanks before going to go sit at one of the tables in the small shop. it's right by the window with two seats on either side. of course in lesbian fashion, you move your chair from your side of the table to be closer to alessia who scoots her chair over a bit too, so now you two are sitting together in the middle of the table.

"sooo.." you say after getting some licks in on your ice cream, "how long have you liked me for?"

alessia looks a little surprised at the question, but answers anyways.

"uh.. for like four months now? i don't remember when i started liking you exactly. it just sorta snuck up on me," she says. there's a shy smile on her lips, and she continues to eat her ice cream to hide it.

you giggle, "same thing for me. i didn't know how or when, but i just knew i liked you one day."

the blonde smiles at you when she pulls away from her ice cream. it's warm and soft and so cute it almost makes you close the short distance between you two.

okay, slow down. it's the first date. there'll be time for that later. you think to yourself, but still, that urge sticks to your mind like gum.

"guess we're both idiots then?" alessia chuckles and you chuckle along with her.

"guess so," you shrug, then continue to eat your ice cream. the rest of the date goes like that with the two of you talking anything and everything while eating ice cream. alessia finishes first, bragging about it when the two of you leave the shop.

"-it's not my fault your tongue is slow!" alessia laughs while opening the passenger door for you. a small frown sits on your lips as you get inside.

you defend yourself when alessia gets in the car, saying, "my tongue is not slow. i just like to savor my food, unlike you, who just gobbles it all up in one go."

she scoffs, shaking her head, "i do not."

"you do too." both of you snap in your seatbelts, then the english player starts the drive back to your house. there isn't much conversation on the way back expect for the slight bickering when first getting into the car, but that's okay. it isn't complete silent as alessia lets you use the aux; you blast some partynextdoor and sza on the entire way back. shutting the music off once alessia parks infront of your house.

"we should listen to some country music on our next date," alessia says, looking over at you.

you grimace then shake your head, "country music? c'monnn, lessi. that's barely listenable."

alessia fake gasps, "what? don't let leah hear you say that."

"it's the truth!"

"no, you just don't get it!"

"yeah whatever," you roll your eyes playfully before laughing.

alessia laughs too, smiling as she says, "anyways.. our next date? let me take you out again?"

you smile back at her as you say, "not until you let me take you out."

"that can be arranged," alessia's heart is pounding in her chest, and her mind feels like it's spinning because you actually want to continue this connection. this date went so well, so she's already hyping up the next in her head.

you lean over the middle console to pull alessia into a short hug. she hugs you back, again resting her head on your shoulder. when she pulls away, you're both smiling.

"text you the details?" you say.

"yeah, okay. text me the details," alessia says back.

and with that, you get out of the car. your smile permanently ingrained on your lips as you walk up to your house. when you reach your front door, you turn to give alessia one last wave. the blonde waves back, a smile on her lips.

she pulls off when you go into your house. not even a moment after you take off your shoes, laura comes out of your living room.

"did you get a kiss from lover girl?" she teases.

"dear god, shut up!"

author notes: this feels like the easiest thing i have ever wrote 😭😭 and also very adorable. thanks for reading guys 💗

© THINKINGABOUTJAEDYN

[thewintersoldierdisaster]

a/n: happy happy birthday to @youunravelme 🥳 thanks for being such a good friend and matching my crazy when we discuss how mat and squeaks are horny little freaks for each other 😂 had to write this fun little fic after our convos the past few days! hope you have the best birthday!

word count: 1k

tw: some innuendo, implied oral (f receiving)

summary: roping mat into another tik tok trend ends pretty much not how you expected it to go, but you’re not complaining

Mat’s sitting on the couch, watching ESPN game highlights when you walk into the room, phone in hand. He looks up at you and smiles lazily, exhausted after returning from a West Coast swing the night before and an early morning practice. He pats the couch cushion, “come join me.”

You smile at him, but don’t respond, instead turning back to your phone.

“Hey,” you speak into the camera, video recording already started, “can you guys watch my boyfriend for me while I do something really quick?”

You settle your phone on the coffee table, propped up against a few of the decorative books that Mat had fought you on buying but ends up reading when he’s bored and wander back out of the room. You stay within earshot though and manage to hide behind the wall so you can see him.

Mat looks between the phone on the table and the doorway where you disappeared a few times, frowning for a minute. His eyebrows are drawn together over his nose and you cover your mouth to muffle a little giggle. The Tik Tok trend is stupid but you’re curious to see what Mat does.

After a few seconds of confused staring, Mat starts speaking into the camera.

“Kitchen floor, couch, pool,” he starts ticking locations off on his fingers, a slow smile forming on his face. “Backseat of the car, front seat of the car, Bo’s bathroom, Leesy’s bathroom, our bathroom, golf cart. Um, where else?”

Now it’s your turn to frown, confused. What the hell is he making a list of?

“My childhood bedroom, Squeaks’ childhood bedroom,” he continues and your eyes widen a little, realizing what he’s doing. “Squeaks’ office -“

You dart back into the living room, cutting him off and saying, “oh my god, what are you listing off?”

His grin is wicked and he looks directly at the camera when he says, “all the places I’ve fucked you.”

“Aghhhh!” You squeal and tackle him onto the couch, his laughter vibrating through your chest. “Stop that!”

You dart your foot out to kick your phone off the coffee table, knowing it won’t stop the recording and hoping the clatter doesn’t mean you broke the screen. “Why are you like this?” You whine, trapped in the embrace of his arms. “That was supposed to be a wholesome video!”

Mat can’t stop laughing and it’s contagious, making you giggle a little even though you’re trying to stop. “Baby,” he presses a kiss to the top of your head, “nothing about us is wholesome. I could’ve kept going on that list for another ten minutes.”

“I hate you,” you grumble.

“No you don’t,” you can hear the grin in his voice and feel the twitch of his cock under your stomach.

“Yes I do,” you pout, warmth spreading through your body as Mat crushes you tighter against his chest.

“How about we go upstairs and I’ll prove that you don’t hate me?”

You know exactly what he’s getting at. “Why go that far?” You ask, shifting your body up and rolling your hips over his lap. The hard press of his erection makes your mouth go dry. “The couch can handle a little action.”

The couch can handle a lot of action, if your history is any indication.

Mat’s clearly thinking along the same lines because he laughs and says, “the couch has seen enough. The window seat in our room though? Haven’t eaten you out while you’re sitting pretty up there yet.”

“Oh!” You squeak, barely registering Mat sitting up with you in his lap, your legs locking around his waist when he stands up. The prominent ridge of his cock settles under your ass and your cunt instinctively tries to clench around nothing, the spread of your legs around his waist leaving you wide open for your arousal to drip out of you. He steps over your phone on the ground and heads for the stairs. “Mat, my phone…” you trail off, arms hooked around his neck. You can see it’s still recording the ceiling and has definitely captured your entire conversation. That video absolutely has to be deleted.

“We can record ourselves on mine,” he replies and your breath hiccups in your chest. “I need something new to watch when I’m away.”

“Perv,” you giggle, arousal flooding between your legs.

Mat pinches your ass, making you jolt in his arms. “Says the woman who slipped a couple of Polaroids into my carry-on. Thanks for that, by the way. Dobber’s traumatized again.”

“Oh my god,” you drop your forehead to Mat’s shoulder. After the condom under the coffee table incident, you’re surprised Noah even speaks to you at all.

“He only saw a little flash of boob,” Mat reassures you. “But he definitely got the gist.”

“I’m never doing that again,” you mutter.

Mat whines in the back of his throat. “Don’t punish me because he can’t keep his eyes on his screen,” he complains, setting you down on the cushioned window seat and dropping to his knees in front of you. His hands are warm on your knees when he pulls them apart, pressing a quick kiss to the inside of your right knee before gliding his fingers up your inner thighs.

Your legs tremble and your breathing hitches.

“No more pictures in the carry-on,” you repeat, Mat’s fingers dipping under the hem of your shorts.

“What if I give you a few pictures to put in your purse,” Mat says, “for your next work trip?”

His fingers trace against the crease of your thigh and you drop your head back, hitting it against the window pane with a dull thunk. “Mmm,” you hum, “maybe I could be con-convinced to change my stance.” Your voice shakes and Mat’s fingers dip under the elastic of your panties, his smile growing hungry when he feels how wet you are.

Mat shifts forward, closer to you, his shoulders spreading your legs even further apart, and smirks up at you. “Let me try and convince you then,” he laughs quietly and tugs at your shorts.

The window seat is christened twice and you both get new photos for your next out of town trips.

[dentos-wife]

Let’s talk how about Chrom and Robin’s bond evolved over time

With everyone clamoring over the new emblem I wanted to take a look back how we got here with their relationship and why I think at this point Chrobin is the intended or inferred Chrom pairing when it didn’t used to be.

In 2012 we got Fire Emblem Awakening, and as Chrom was related to Marth, his inferred pairing was Sumia a pegasus knight as a nod to Caeda, Marth’s canon wife. Granted because part of Awakening’s charm is you could pair anyone up, you didn’t have to pair Chrom up with Sumia if you didn’t wish to. But to IS she was the intended choice.

She had special scenes with Chrom and was the most likely to end up paired with him if you weren’t gunning for a specific wife for him

And you see her here in the opening with Lucina

Robin is you, the avatar, they don’t even have official art, just them with a hood

They had a canon design what we all know now but it wasn’t really used. And that should have been it as far as IS was concerned. Awakening was their last hurrah. And then FE blew up.

Robin’s canon design is now getting used, both the male and female version are now in Smash Bros. Then we have Warriors and Heroes and the Awakening cast shows up more. But not Sumia. Perhaps it’s because she’s not popular or the people flocked to Cordelia instead but she is the pegusus knight everyone loves. Sumia isn’t even in Warriors or the base FEH she gets added much later to FEH only with other less popular Awakening characters.

It’s here when FE became more maintstream I believe that IS changed their tune on Sumia being the intended wife and retconed it. I fully think Sumia was dropped and they no longer had an intended pairing for him all because she just wasn’t popular. Him and Robin were close of course they always were, obviously some would see it as friendship others would see it as something more the usual nothing really changed there.

And then 2022 ten full years after Awakening’s release...this happened

Couple things here. I fully believe the reason Chrom was paired with MRobin here instead of FRobin is for two big reasons reasons.

1) If they paired him with FRobin it canonizes a pairing so MRobin is the safer option, FEH doesn’t usually pair men and women unless they’re already a pairing. So MRobin got paired with Chrom and FRobin was on her own but she still has lines about how much Chrom meant to her.

2) MRobin is the more popular Robin as has been shown every year in CYL and he’d even win next year

So Chrom and Robin were always close it was a no brainer to make them a duo unit, they picked the male version on a very family oriented banner.

That said some of these lines...well let’s just say if a man and a woman were saying that to each other there would be no doubt here. Imagine if this Robin was the female version

Robin: There's Lissa, Emmeryn, Lucina, Frederick... I think we've got gifts for everyone. Don't we? Chrom: Well, all but one. What would you like your gift to be, Robin? Robin: What? Me? You can't just come out and ask like that, you know. There are rules! Chrom: You know I don't care about that. Just tell me what you want. Robin: Truthfully...I can't think of anything. Chrom: You don't want anything? Aw, come on. Think of the bind that puts me in. Robin: You gave my life meaning when I had nothing—not even my memory. The sense of purpose I've found at your side, working for peace in the world, is all I could ever ask for. Chrom: You're not alone in that, you know. I feel the same way. That's why I wanted to give you something nice. To show you how I feel. Robin: All right, all right. In that case, why don't you give me one of those flowers you're wearing? Chrom: It's only going to wilt. Robin: I'll press it into one of my books. That way I'll never forget this Day of Devotion.

Snippet from their duo convo. Usually when someone gives flowers it’s considered a pretty romantic gesture I’ve heard plenty of people call this alt playfully the gays and yeah this is very strong.

FRobin even comments on them in one of her lines.

“That man with Chrom is a Robin from another world, right? They get along so well, I'm almost jealous...“

There was no need for that line at all, we can tell from their lines how flipping close they are but they felt the need to have another character comment on it in base lines

I do believe MRobin was used not to canonize a pairing...at first. And then they gave up because it looked like people really liked it going even further in the next year.

In Awakening Chrom and Robin refer to themselves as two halves of the same whole which is already a loaded term. But it’s never been used after and was just part of the game

Enter the next time they pair up as the Emblem of Bonds which brought that back for the first time since 2012, in full force

Correct me if I’m wrong but no one besides them have referred to each other as their other half in Awakening

Lucina does it in Engage. For reference other half means husband, wife or partner (romantic). I think after the Valentine’s alt they decided sure why not and now they’re really going in with Robin being Chrom’s other half when they only touched the term once past Awakening in a FRobin cipher card. Other half in Engage is Robin and he pops up when engaged with Chrom to mix magic with the attack. I don’t doubt you can mean a friend with this term but when paired with everything else they say to each other, it’s pretty strong evidence it’s further than friendship.

Okay now for the the ultimate Robin is now Chrom’s intended partner view, Legendary Robin also released this year

“Tactician of Ylisse. Celebrated as Exalt Chrom's other half in the legends that followed their exploits. Appears in Fire Emblem Awakening. “

I saw some people argue exalt could mean Lucina too but no it doesn’t, it clearly means Chorm it says so and if you didn’t believe that, we got a map that was the two called Chrom and his other half. Which is Robin.

His art also references his other half status, he now wears blueish green jewelry which stands for Chrom and the brand of the exalt is on his chest plate

Finally in his damage art he once again has the symbol of the exalt formed in magic.

And a ring, some have argued it’s his clothes but usually the magic gauntlets he wears are on his middle finger and not under his gloves; pretty sure it’s a ring, it’s even on the ring finger of his left hand, where you generally put a wedding ring.

All this together is some very strong evidence, but put it with everything else they’ve done since last year and it’s clear to me, IS now is pushing Chrom and Robin as the intended pairing. Not canon like Marth and Caeda or Alm and Celica, but intended like they do with Eliwood and Ninian and some others I’m probably forgetting. And because MRobin is who they use and their “canon” sort of like FCorrin is the “canon” Corrin, IS is strongly hinting at MChrobin

Which fascinates me, we went from Chrom with a intended implied wife to scrapping it and pretended it never happened to this, Chrom with an intended husband. Him and his best friend, both two guys, very much in love. In ten years IS changed it’s mind on the intended canon pairing that isn’t even possible in the base game. They are a fate defying duo, the emblem of bonds, the exalt and his other half, two halves of the same whole and they are showing that in symbolism harder than ever. I think that’s really cool

To end this I’m aroace and see romance a little differently from the amatonormic norm Chrom and Robin could just be really good friends lord knows I also think friendship should be just as important as romance BUT if they were, it’s very clear they are each others most important person over any wife they might separately have.  But even that doesn’t follow a typical heteronormative relationship no? Chrom and Robin’s bonds are so strong they transcend the concept of romance and friendship as we know it, there is no name for the type of love they share it’s beyond us.

But what about Lucina? (and Morgan) In a world with magic, dragons, people dying and coming back to life, time travel and more the idea of two guys somehow having a child is no longer far fetched at all really, or even surrogates exist.

Also they act like kind of like dads with her and it’s really cute

Now granted IS could remake Awakening and MRobin will still not be able to marry Chrom and this whole analysis would have been for naught but I think if they do remake it they’ll add it. Look at how many people have been introduced to them just through Heroes and Engage you don’t think people are going to want to pair up the exalt and his other half in their game?

To sum it up, yes there literally is no heterosexual explanation for where IS has taken this. It wasn’t originally the intended pairing but it sure is now, I don’t think there is any room for denial anymore until we see what they do with a remake.

[harrywavycurly]

Niall talking to Harry about planning her Bach party please Sarah?😂😘😘

Hiii babes!! This makes me laugh because imagine if it never clicked for Harry that Niall being your Man of Honor meant he would be planning your Bach party and stuff? So I’ll happily give you a convo where it all dawns on Harry what all exactly Niall is in charge of with your wedding 😂💖

-find all things Lonely here✨

*this is done in dialogue form because it’s just a fun little conversation*

A/N: Niall drops by for a visit and Harry becomes aware of what all Niall is in charge of since he’s your Man of Honor, enjoy the bickering between my fave besties that like to act as if they hate each other✨

“Yer office has a couch in it? What the bloody fuck for? You have a living room right down stairs…” “Because I wanted one in here for when I have to work late and-why are you even here Niall?” “Well I came to see if your lovely fiancé or better known as my bestfriend was home but I forgot she’s dress shopping today so…figured I’d see if you were busy and up for a hang out.” “You weren’t invited to that?” “Oh I was but I had a morning meeting-” “wait you…you were actually invited to go dress shopping with her and the rest of the bridesmaids?” “Yeah? I’m her man of honor I’m invited to everything.” “So you’d get to see her dress before me? What kind of shit is that?” “I’m not her bloody fiancé Harry so yeah I was always going to see the dress before you mate…besides I was there when the girls picked their bridesmaids dresses and while it was a bit like herding cats watching them pick two that they agreed on it was entertaining at least.” “You got to see the Paige and Emily showdown in person?” “Oh yeah…them two love to argue over everything…bout had to hold Emily back when Paige told her we should go with floor length gowns instead of knee length…” “she didn’t even let me see which dresses the girls ended up getting…” “really? Well don’t try no sneaky shit with me H I’m not telling you shit she doesn’t want you to know…but I’m glad that’s one thing I can cross off my list of duties to help with…I have to focus on this bachelorette weeken-” “I’m sorry? You have to focus on what now?” “Planning her Bach party…it’s like my main job besides like making sure she actually shows up to the alter on time and all that jazz.” “You…you’re…planning…her party?” “Well s’more like a mini vacation because I’m thinking Miami for four days and getting a yacht for the main event because she loves a boat day ya know?” “Miami? Really?” “That’s the place they all agreed on…I just need to get some details settled with her before booking everything.” “I just…I didn’t think you were really going to be so…involved.” “What the fuck did you think I was gonna be doing Harry? Standing around looking pretty? No..I’m the bloody Man of Honor and I take that shit seriously.” “That’s…that’s good to know I guess…what else are you in charge of then?” “Ah yer gonna love this…I gotta assist her in bathroom breaks during the reception…like hold her dress and shit.” “Say that again?” “Yeah…like proper make sure she doesn’t like…ruin her dress or anything when she needs to take a leak.” “I don’t fucking think so Niall. Man of Honor or not you’re not going to be helping my wife go to the bathroom.” “See I told her you’d be all upset about it…so she got Emily to take over that part of my job.” “You’re such an asshole.” “I just like to see you sweat is all…so how’s Gemma coming with your bachelor party?” “What? She’s not-” “she’s not what? She’s your best woman Harry that means she’s in charge of shit like that…and knowing your sister she’s gonna plan something wild…I gotta call her and make sure I’m invited….is it weird that me and Amelia will be at the bachelorette party together?” “I need your bestfriend to hurry up and come home..you’re giving me a headache…I need to lay down…” “good thing you have this couch in here then…”

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

It's funny to watch you insist all the time you're not into L*ona and J‐Word and then roughly every 6 months you stage a takeover of the Sebek-Zigvolt-Defenders-Club and loudly and proudly proclaim he's the best boy actually and we should all love him.

In all seriousness, it was your thoughtful analyses that changed my mind about Sebek some months ago and I now also preach the good word about him. He's so loud and dumb and silly and I cry when we get more of his lore and personality revealed, so you're doing great work soldier 🫡

(P.S. Is this confirmation of the list of your favorite first, second, and third year? Two secretive schemers known for taking advantage of people and one tall, loud, loving croc boy with a big ol' heart😏)

[My two big Sebek analysis posts: here and here! Other Sebek analysis can be found in this masterlist.]

I insist I'm not into J word and L*ona because I am, in fact, not into them :) Trust, trust. I cannot tell a lie :))

IS IT REALLY EVERY 6 MONTHS... If so, that's totally unintentional on my part 😂 If I put out a Sebek analysis, it's because there was an ask about him or there's been new official Twst content that I want to scream and shout about. Between Sebek, Jade, and Leona, I feel that Sebek is definitely the most easily understood and most disliked one, especially from the get-go. General opinion of him seems to have improved considerably thanks to book 7, but to this day I still remember the visceral hate he received because he was labelled a racist or loud or an ass-kisser or having no personality outside of liking Malleus. It was sad to see him getting trashed... so I guess I felt like someone had to defend his honor www (And to be clear, it's okay if you dislike Sebek!! Not everyone has to like him. I'm only saying that I don't agree with the opinion that Sebek is a shallow character.)

AAHHABIHFAHSFHQGTG830TQ3P9Nadfhubabyoifam;,; I'm happy that my analyses helped you to see him in a new light!! Again, Sebek truthers rise up ✊ He's a himbo, but he's OUR himbo...

I'd say that Leona is at the top of the third years for me, yeah. B-BUT NOT BECAUSE I LIKE HIM OR ANYTHING, GOT THAT???? It's mostly because I don't find most of the other third years that appealing to me. Jade faces much stiffer competition, since I like most of the second years. However, he manages to pull ahead of the rest of them by a smidge. It's actually Sebek that's fighting hard to keep the spot of my favorite first year; the other two I really like are Ace and Ortho. Ace fluctuates a lot though... While I do find his bratty personality cute (especially when he's doing vocal impressions of the other characters) and appreciate him having the gall to tell others off (regardless of power or social statuz disparity), I also find him very annoying and immature. So I guess it's actually Sebek versus Ortho, the more solid candidate. I think Ortho's relationship with his older brother is very sweet and, of course, tragic. I also love that he looks so innocent but has a deep capacity for violence (laser beam to the face, anyone?) and a strong curiosity to learn more about what it means to be human.

Assuming that Sebek, Jade, and Leona are my respective favorites of each year though 💀 They’re all freakishly tall and pretty muscular (sliding scale of least muscular J word to most muscular Sebek www)… Two big brains and there there’s just. The baby with brawn.

chsjwvjwjwow I mentioned this to some friends and here’s how that convo went:

THIS WAs 100% UNINTENTIONAL… OTL

[shugar0cone]

“Mama y/n pt2”

I thought about the convo me and Charlie had. I looked at my husband who was cooking some elk stew (best fucking meat ever)! Don’t know if is he’ll elk or demon elk. I hugged behind him and sighed. “You know my love.” I say. “You hurt Charlie’s feeling maybe you should apologize.” Al stopped stating his stew and turned his head to me like an owl. “Apologizing would mean I’m wrong, and I’m never wrong.” I thought. “So you do view Charlie as our kid.” I say perking up at him. “Oh heavens no it was to get to her father.” I was again saddened.

I was in the shower, thinking to myself and doing my nightly routine. Alastor opened the door to do his nightly routine. I seen his shadow at the sink. “You’re a fucking dick.” I say under my breath. “Hm?” I jumped to see my husband having the curtains pulled and looking at me. “ALASTOR YOU GOTTA WARN A GIRL ITS FUCKING COLD!” I say. He then stepped in the shower with me fully clothed. Maybe if I wasn’t so pissed I’d be laughing at the situation, yes me and my husband did take showers together and yes we’ve seen each other unclothed but I was wondering why he was doing this… “darling what’s wrong.” He grabbed my cheek. “You hurt Charlie’s feelings and more then you usually do. I’m going to be honest I see her as my kid and she… she doesn’t believe me just because of you.” I crossed my arms putting them to my stomach and putting my head down. “And maybe I’m just mad at you because I have nothing else’s to blame.” I cried. “I love you Alastor but.” I can tell he tensed at but. “Ever since we died I can’t just be y/n Im known as alastors wife, radios muse. I can’t fucking have friends because they’re scared of you!” I say now sadness filling with anger. “I’m tierd of it, I want to be known as y/n again!” I grabbed his soaked shirt. Maybe he came in here like this because he knew this is how I let my emotions come out and cleanse my soul. “I fucking hate my afterlife!” My head fell on his chest. “But at the same time.” I say now hugging him. “I’m happy to be with you.” Alastor smiled. “Maybe you need to join in on Charlie’s therapy sessions.” He said kissing the top of my head. “I’m sorry I’m so bi polar.” I say wiping my tears.” “And I’m not?” He tried to make me feel better.

A/N: probably another failure of a fan fox just because of how quickly this was wrote and how lazy but hey here is another one! See you my loves <3

-Shugar

[luvrxbunny]

I need something borderline illegal. Like dark and twisted. Like I want to question my moral compass but read on.

Am I asking for dad’s best friend!Joel? pshhhhhh. Am I asking for bratty! reader?? Pshhhhhh. Am I asking for anything???

Am I asking for smutty smut?! Yes I am.

Ofc if you are uncomfortable with any of these don’t hesitate to ignore this and also no pressure ily ❤️

a/n: reader isn't bratty, im sorry! i forgot :((

sleep

pairing: dbf!Joel Miller x f!virgin!reader

summary: Joel can’t stay away from you any longer.  

warnings: 18+ MDNI, alcohol, voyeurism/somnophilia + dub-con, dry humping, cum in pants

wc: 4.0k

a/n: i hope this is dark enough!! the only reason the ask is a ss instead of the actual thing is cus i formatted the whole story then realized i forgot to put it in the reply to the ask (loosely proofread)

It’s 2 am and Joel can’t stop thinking about you. How you’re sleeping soundly in his room, in his bed, in his shirt as pajamas because you had “forgotten to pack some”, something you both knew was a lie. He knows you’re toying with him, you started a bit before, but since you’ve turned 18? It's just been on rapid fire. 

He pulls out his phone and scrolls through your text thread, scoffing at every other conversation. It was so apparent, in every text, how badly you want him. 

Mon, Aug 16 at 4:41 AM

bbg: big man! text me when u wake up i have a joke

You: Why are you awake at this time?

bbg: wtf why are YOU awake 🤨 

You: I have trouble sleeping, you know that.

bbg: aww poor joey 😢

You: Are you going to answer my question, darling?

bbg: im doing skincare and stuff

You: You have to wake up this early for that stuff?

bbg: can’t put a price on feeling bonita 

You: Why are you speaking Spanish now?

bbg: nevermind lmao

bbg: so have u tried meditation

You: What?

bbg: for your sleeping troubles

You: I’m not that kind of guy.

bbg: what about getting off

You: Excuse me? 

bbg: like masturbation n stuff

You: I know what you’re saying.

You: I don’t understand why you’re talking about this with me.

bbg: we haven’t even talked about it 😭 

bbg: obviously we can end the convo if ur uncomfy but its a very good way to fall asleep

He remembers needing a pause after he read that text for the first time. It had only been four months since your birthday and you were already drastically different. Joel never expected it, he always thought your feelings had already reached their limit but it turns out you were holding back because you weren’t of age. Now that you are… He doesn’t know what he’s going to do. His morals may not be strong enough for the thought of  “ his best friend's daughter” to hold him back. He’s already rationalized himself out of the “daughter's best friend” thought. You’re not even going to school together anymore. Sarah lives on campus so you guys never see each other and you barely ever text. 

You: I have not.

bbg: what? literally how? 

bbg: you should

bbg: it totally works

You: That’s good to know. 

You: Get back to your skincare, honey. I’ll message you later. 

Mon, Aug 16 at 5:03 AM

bbg: joel? 

Mon, Aug 16 at 5:37 AM

bbg: are you masturbating? 

You: Sweetheart. You can’t ask me things like that. It’s not right.

bbg: u didnt answer! i got curious

You: Still.

bbg: i dont see the problem we’re both adults 🫢

You: Barely.

bbg: dont be mean

You: Do you need something

You: I said I’d text you later

bbg: wow no punctuation?

You: Busy

bbg: getting off? 

He remembers staring at your text, unbelieving that you’d send him something like that, so forward, so dirty. He remembers the thought that you were joking. Obviously, you don’t expect him to say yes, that’s why you asked in the first place. Maybe his perverted mind was interpreting your behavior as flirting but you’re just being yourself around him. All these thoughts were swirling in his head but the feeling of his hand flying over his cock, pretending it’s yours, that you're in his ear whispering to him... That thought was stronger, that feeling was stronger. 

You: Yes.

bbg: good. have fun, joey

He gets up for his fourth beer, hoping to drown the impure thoughts, starring you, that plague his mind. It’d be so easy to have you, you’ve been throwing yourself at him since you turned 17. He’s been ignoring it, adamantly. It wasn’t right, despite the age difference, the fact that you’re his daughter’s best friend and his best friend’s daughter. On top of that, you only just turned 18. 

You’ve been staying at Joel’s for a month. He takes the guest room because you say that his bed is better. You haven’t gone home because your dad is still working on your birthday present/room renovations and he doesn't want you to see it until it’s done. He offered up Joel’s house to keep you, knowing his best friend wouldn't mind, unknowing that his best friend was corrupt for his daughter. 

Joel was trying to ignore the way his body was heating up, still scrolling through the texts. He remembers that conversation perfectly. He remembers the adrenaline that was coursing through him as he confessed. He remembers how hard he came at your response. When thinking about this conversation he also remembers the guilt, it’s the most vivid emotion he remembers, usually. But the alcohol seems to be drowning that part out, and Joel scrolls on. 

He finds a patch of texts that he actively avoids, usually. It’s picture after picture of you in the most adorable outfits in the most suggestive positions. There are plenty of you lying on your back, some with your head turned to show off your perfectly curved, unmarked, un-bitten, neck. There are a few where you’re sitting down with the camera angled up, giving Joel too many situations his head can come up with. Then there’s the worst one, his favorite- he doesn’t even know how you took this one. You’re sitting on your knees, hands rested on your thighs and you’re looking up at the camera with a shy smile. 

There are two things about this photo that really fuck him up. 

First, your smile, the way it lets him know that you’re trying to fuck him up, you know what you’re doing with this pose, this positioning, you’re even embarrassed by it, a little nervous about it but you still felt the need to take the photo, for him. 

Second, the height, and the way the camera is positioned shows him that these photos were specifically crafted for him because the height the camera is at is exactly how he’d see you if you were on your knees like that for him. 

You made sure that he noticed because the very next day, you needed him to tie a bow in your hair and instead of waiting for him to get off the couch you placed yourself on the ground, between his legs, in this pose. He had to hide his erection until you left and then fight the urge to get himself off in your room for the rest of the night. 

He glances at his room door, you’re sleeping so soundly in there.

She wouldn’t even notice if someone went in there right now. She definitely wouldn’t notice me… Hell, as if she’d mind either way… I mean- Would she?

The alcohol clouds his thoughts, gives him bad ideas, and then convinces him that they’re good- this one being one of them. He grabs his almost-finished beer and heads to the fridge to grab a fifth one, knowing he’ll be in there for a while. 

He does this sometimes, you look so peaceful when you sleep… it’s the only time he can admire you without putting all his relationships at risk. He reaches the door and turns the knob slowly to avoid creaking. He enters the room, his socks padding his footsteps, and the darkness gives him no shadow. He moves one of your tops off of his desk chair and turns it to face your sleeping figure while placing his beers down. You’re already bringing a smile to his face. You’ve got your face shoved into one of his pillows, your arm tucked under it, and your leg is pulled up to your waist, sticking out from under his tan comforter. You’re wearing one of his hoodies for sleepwear—

Fuck.

and it doesn’t look like you have anything on your bottom half. It’s a little cold in his room so little goosebumps have bloomed over your exposed skin. He takes a swig of beer, finishing his fourth as he examines you. Your face twitches for a moment, your eyebrows furrow, and your nose twitches like a rabbit before calming back down. He opens the other beer and fills his mouth with it, hoping that the alcohol stops the fluttering in his stomach while he drinks it down. 

You shiver a bit but your leg doesn’t move, the goosebumps just become more prominent. His hand is reaching out for you before he can think, rubbing your calf gently to soothe and warm you up a bit. You let out a relieved sigh at his contact and your leg presses further into his warmth. He has to take a deep breath as his mind runs wild, convincing him that this is some sort of sign, that even in you’re sleep you’re trying to be closer to him, that he should just give in. 

No, she’s your best friend's daughter. Sure she’s her own person now, legally an adult, an’ can make decisions for herself… an’ yeah she’s not owned or controlled by anyone and just cause I’m friends with her father ain’t a fair reason to completely rule her out from being a potential partner… Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad… maybe it’s actually more fucked up for me to avoid her just cause of who birthed her. That’s totally not fair to her! I mean I know I wouldn't want anyone judging me based on who my parents are y’know? Maybe I should put myself in her shoes. 

His breathing speeds up as he breaks through his last piece of resistance. Now he’s just trying to figure out how soon he can have you. 

I’ll have to court her first, flirt with her a bit before asking her out to dinner, then maybe she’ll accept my offer to be my girlfriend by the third date… From there maybe she’ll have sex with me for the three-month anniversary… she might be a bit more timid than that but we’re looking at a four- five-month plan… That can work- I can definitely work with that.

You whine and stretch your body, your legs straighten and your arms spread out, you turn and rest one arm on top of your head before you lift your leg, bending it above your waist but with the other one this time. The new position leaves the blanket covering nothing but one of your inner thighs and to add insult to injury your raised arms lift his hoodie, revealing a beautiful sliver of your stomach. 

Or I could have her now.

The thought is too powerful to stop, his opportunity is too perfect, Ellie is out with whatever girl she’s currently entertaining, and Sarah doesn’t live here anymore. Your father would never be awake at this time and Joel is hard, wanting, and so so ready for you. He’s crawling into bed beside you after downing half his beer for the nerves. 

He shouldn’t. He knows he shouldn’t. 

He settles next to you and your leg presses into him again, searching for him and his warmth. You slowly turn to him as he stares at you, watching how sluggish your movements are in your sleep. You snuggle into the pillow in front of him and take a long inhale of its scent, a little smile resting on your lips while you breathe out. Your face is inches from his, and his hand is down his pants in an instant. 

The relief is heavenly, he’s been throbbing for you since he read those texts. He can’t help the way he reacts to you. He can smell your toothpaste on your breath as you gently snore in front of him. He wraps his warm hand around his cock and his soft lips part into an ‘O’. His eyes roll back for a second but he immediately focuses them back on you. He’s tugging at himself violently, not even thinking about savoring this moment, just needing to cum for you. He’s trying to hold in his sounds but you look so pretty, just seeing your face while he’s touching himself makes everything better, somehow you’ve turned his sensitivity as high as it can go.

Little whines and whimpers slip into your dream state. You’re confused by the sound, the rustling that coming from—? In front of you? Your brows furrow as you try to open your eyes. “Fuck” You hear someone say. It sounds like… 

You open your eyes just in time to see Joel yank his hand out of his sweatpants and scramble as far as he can get from you before falling off the bed. You’re still confused as you take his form in. His shirt has ridden up a bit, exposing the salt and pepper hairs on his tummy. His hair is sticking all over the place, he stinks of beer, and his eyes are wide, focused on you. “Joey?”

Despite the horrid situation he’s in, his cock is still leaking for you, pulsing at the nickname. He can’t answer, he has to bite back a moan as he feels himself leak into the fabric of his pants. “Joel? What—” Your eyes flutter, almost falling shut but you shake yourself out of it and— Fuck.

You move closer to him. 

You’re too snuggly when you’re sleeping, too cute, and too dumb. You’re not even questioning why your father’s best friend was in bed with you while you were sleeping. You don't want to risk him leaving and you don’t mind in the first place, you actually thought you were dreaming at first. Your heart almost stopped when your fingers actually latched onto his shirt after reaching out for him. He’s stiff as a board, deterring your touch so you pull your hands into your chest and bury your face in his. 

Joel is almost shaking in exertion as you press your soft little body against his. It’s just your upper half, leaning into him and finding wam solace in his chest. He can handle this, he thinks. He can calm down, and be with you like this. He’s supposed to court you first anyway, he can’t believe himself. Was he really going to just get off with you in the same bed? What kind of pervert would even try something like that?

You hike your leg up over his waist, half asleep, not realizing your motions. 

All his perverted feelings return with a vengeance. 

You wiggle around a bit, trying to get comfortable but his cock twitches, flicking into your soft lips for a moment. At first, you really didn’t know what it was, all you knew was that the sensation felt good. So of course you chased it. Your hips grind into his cock arrhythmically, trying to find that same angle again, not realizing that you’re basically fucking him through your clothes. His hands have to come to your hips, gripping painfully for your eyes to snap open and your hips to freeze. 

Your eyes widen further when you finally process the situation, and even in all your teasing and sensuality, at the end of the day, you’re still just a virgin. You never had any real intention of acting on your desires, especially if Joel wasn’t the one initiating. 

Oh fuck. What did I do? What do I do? He’s just staring at me… Maybe he didn’t notice, I didn’t! But it felt so good. Will he let me? Maybe if I—

Your hips tilt into his before you can process whether this is actually a good idea or not. His hand tense over yours, like another shock of clarity through your bones. You shut your eyes tight, not wanting to see the disgust or uncomfortable pity in his face. “I’m so sorry, Joel. I didn’t… I-”

You try not to let tears well in your eyes as you whimper and pull back from him. But he doesn’t let you. His arms tense, his muscles flexing as he keeps your body pressed against his. You open your eyes, a bit shocked at his refusal to let you go but still too scared to meet his eyes. Your gaze is on his stomach, the way his gray shirt rode up, exposing the way his belly keeps tensing with every breath. “I-” He manages to get out before letting out a shuddering sigh. You finally look at him. 

His eyebrows are pulled taut in between his eyes, his gaze is something you’ve never seen before, and he almost looks angry. It’s desperate, but sorrowful, with the added haze from his intoxication. He keeps biting at his bottom lip, worrying it red as he tries to form a sentence for you. His hands tense over your hips again but this time they tilt you into him again. His face is a hard grimace as he slowly presses you into his raging bulge. You watch him fight with his expression, it keeps breaking into something weak before he goes back to his angry pout. You can’t help the way you press into him, you want to feel it again, that fire in the pit of your stomach that spreads to your soaking pussy the more he pulls you in. You watch his face contort into something heavenly. His brows pull up, almost shocked at how good you feel as his eyes roll back and shut. His entire body shakes as he melts into the pillow. He’s breathing deep and slowly, trying to regulate the pleasure he feels. 

Now he’s focused on savoring the moment. He wants this to last as long as it possibly can. You’re making him feel incredible,  he’s so sensitive, it’s like he’s been edging himself for you. You whimper, high-pitched and muffled but it’s so beautiful that he forces his eyes open. You have one hand gripping the bedsheet like it’s your lifeline and you have the other bitten between your teeth to hold your sounds in. Your hips are grinding into him at an uneven, unsteady, desperate pace and he’s mesmerized by the sight.

He knew you wanted him. He didn’t know you needed him. You’re fucking yourself against his cock like you’ve been waiting for it your whole life. Your hand comes up to grip his shoulder instead of the bedsheet. He grunts and tilts his hips further into yours, a sadistic smirk coming to his face at the sound of exclamation that shoots from your mouth once you’re able to grind your clit against his shaft. Your thrusts start to stutter at that, your body constantly wanting to fold in on itself from the assault of pleasure but you try and will yourself to keep going. 

Unfortunately, your pace is ruined by your pleasure. Your sensitive body can’t handle how good his clothed cock is making you feel. You lose your pace and your pleasure becomes rocky and teasing. He watches as your face changes from pleasured to pouty. Little whimpers and whines of frustration slip from your lips, growing in volume and frequency the longer you’re unable to grind against him properly. Joel’s watching you through hooded eyes, fingers digging into your hips painfully at this point and all he wants is to not cum yet. He wants to make you cum first, he needs it, he needs to see it, to hear it. 

He’s been telling himself it’s fine because you’re grinding against him, not the other way around. You’re choosing this, there’s no way he’s manipulating you, or swaying your decision if he stays completely indifferent. But you’re begging him now. You’re gripping desperately at his shirt, removing your hand from your mouth to grip him harder and pulling yourself closer, wrapping your arms around and moaning right against his chest. He shouldn’t. He can’t. But he does.

His eyes shut tight as his hands leave your hips. You almost climb on top of him in protest, whining a loud “N- Please.” into his chest as your leg hikes higher onto his waist. One of his hands cradles your head, pulling you further into his chest, muffling the moans you’re already letting out at his touch. His other hand goes to the small of your back, pressing you against him perfectly and guiding your rhythm as your hips start up again. He dares to speak. “S’this okay, baby?”

Your reaction to his voice is visceral. Your hands shoot up to his shoulder and hair, pulling yourself up a bit to bury in his neck, getting a new angle from his cock, now fucking him against your leaking hole. “So good, Joey. Thank- Thank you s’much. Thank you, thank you.” Your gratitude is like a searing knife through him. His entire body is set alight as he tries to regulate his breathing. He can feel goosebumps break out on his skin, his pleasure filling every molecule in his body, ready to overflow for you. Fuck. He’s definitely going to cum before you. 

“Mm. Good, good girl. Just- Keep going, sweetness, take what— Shit. Take what you need, darlin’.” His breathing quickens and shudders as your hips increase their pace against him. He’s leaking continuously now, he’s getting in his head, trying to stop himself from cumming but every thought that pops into his mind just brings him closer to the edge. He can’t focus on anything but you. You’re moaning for him, grinding against him, this desperate for him. 

The hand on your lower back migrates to the back of your neck, gripping you there, holding you in place as his hips begin to thrust into yours. “M’gonna cum, darlin’. Fuck, I wanted t- wanted to last for y- Mmm oh fuck.” His entire body starts to tremble as your nails dig into him so painfully he’s sure they drew blood. Your eyes are comically wide as your body tenses in his hold before breaking down into a shudder that overtakes your entire being. You’re cumming. 

He explodes at the realization. In all his desperation, intoxication, and pure need… He was still able to make you cum first. He buries his face in your hair, huffing the scent as he floods his sweatpants. His eyes shut as tightly as they can as his orgasm tears through him. He’s been waiting so long for you to make him cum and now that it’s happening, it feels even better than he planned for. His low grunts turn into shocked moans when his orgasm doesn’t stop after shooting two ropes of cum against his sweats. You’re already coming down as he hits what feels like his second peak. You can feel his hands shaking over where they’re gripping you and you get an impulse that you act on without a second thought. 

Your hand slides down from his shoulder quickly, over the sliver of stomach he’s showing off, and right down his pants. You don’t know what you’re doing so you just grip him, wrapping your hand around his shaft but it seems to do the trick. He lets out a sound that resembles someone getting kicked in the gut. His face is pulled from your hair as his head is thrown back. He arches into you a bit before his hips start thrusting into your fist, desperately prolonging his already overwhelming orgasm. It’s embarrassing; how long he was cumming for, the way his body was violently quivering for you, the ludicrously large dark spot spreading over his pants, showcasing how much he came for you. 

He moans gently when he comes to. You’re stroking over his chest with a soft, sleepy, nervous smile. He pulls you in for a kiss before he can think about it. You guys haven’t discussed anything. Neither of you knows what this means for your relationship but you know that neither of you has felt more comfortable than when you’re in the arms of the other. So why question it now? 

You fall into a deep sleep listening to Joel’s heavy snores, getting rocked to bed by the way his chest expands. It’s the best sleep of your life. 

thank you so much for reading!! please please please give any feedback you may have! I want it all! also if you liked it please take a look at my masterlist!

psst psst. hey you!! i have a part 2 if u want 😏

[myusuchaa]

ikemen villains: my recs and route/suitor rankings ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ

disclaimer: these are my opinions based on the current released routes in both ENG and JP. i tend to love dark psych thrillers, lots of angst and pining, great banter between characters/lively convos, and a captivating plot, so that's what influences my ranks~ will update with future releases

figured I’d post my thoughts here!! in case anyone is a bit newer to ikevil and is curious OR if anyone has similar interests as me I’d love to squeal about them with you!! ♡

₊˚ପ⊹ROUTE RANKINGS

rank is based on: written flow, plot, descriptive language and emotional pull, uniqueness

1. Elbert

2. Alfons

3. Roger

4. Ellis

5. William

6. Liam

7. Harrison

₊˚ପ⊹SUITOR RANKINGS

rank is based on: how much I fell for them, their likability, personality traits, inner monologues from his side stories, overall character story, their interactions with others

1. Elbert

2. Alfons

3. Ellis

4. Liam

5. Roger

6. Harrison

7. William

₊˚ପ⊹ROUTE RELEASE TIMELINE

Beginning trio (JP/ENG): William, Liam, Harrison

Aug. 1st (JP/ENG): Elbert

Nov. 14th (JP): Alfons

Mar. 19th (JP): Ellis

Jul. 23rd (JP): Roger

my thoughts & recs on each suitor's route (no spoilers)

William: such an interesting take on love. maybe because of his curse but his route is up there with feeling the most historical, period-piece fantasy like (along with elbie and roger imo). he's a very unique LI i honestly felt like his route would do well as a 3 episode anime OVA ヾ( ˃ᴗ˂ )◞ i recommend him if you like a more undefined approach to love, contractual partnership, mature and refined guys and not-so-innocent MC's

Liam: a precious bb ahh, and his VA is so amazing at emotional inflections! liam really shines in being attentive to kate and to the other crown members, i loved how he treated her in his route. i recommend if you don't mind self-deprecating guys, if you like drama and whirlwind romance, and if you enjoy a relationship built on assurance.

Harrison: the best soft opening to ikevil imo. quite a tame route with very real world problems as opposed to dark fantasy. if anyone stays true to his self, it's harry! he has some funny one liners too lol. i recommend him if you like intelligent sarcastic LIs, you like noir crime vibes, and if you don't want a heavy read.

Elbert: i mean he is my oshi for a reason! every time i read his route i fall more in deep love.. the localization team did an amazing job w the translation. i think his POV stories are the best. they add so much to his qualities and i feel really boosts his story. i recommend his route if you love yearning, emotional understanding, tragedy, dark psych thrillers, and slow (but dramatic) burn stories

Alfons: i used to hate him with a passion... until i loved him. his route truly is the definition of "fuck around and find out" keeping you on your toes. i loved the depth he has and how dubious they made him. i recommend his route if you like word/roleplay, morally grey characters, if you like having to guess at things without ever being told the answer, and a "we shouldn't be doing this but.." kinda feeling

Ellis: this man had me doing mental gymnastics to understand his true motives and i looooved that. visuals are also top tier. what i noticed is his route really focuses on his time with kate and has a bit more of a mundane (as mundane can be in ikevil) plot compared to other routes. this let his interactions with kate shine. i recommend ellis if you like hidden duality in a suitor, puppy boys that will do anything for you, a love that feels like a warm blanket, and you're ok with no real character growth (conditional love)

Roger: honestly i put off his route cus i wasn't interested at first but by the third chapter i was like WOW this is a breath of fresh air. the writers showed UP for part 2, i love the new plot points introduced, and his interactions with kate are sooo good. i loved his letters too! i ended up finding him extremely supporting and with a slight gap moe which kept me interested. i recommend this route if you like stories that are plot AND character driven, back and forth banter between MC and LI, and a shojou traditional charismatic love!

[asshole-rebel-psycho]

The older I get the more I realize these things about dating.

I have been trying to have deep connections and stimulating conversations for some time.

This doesn't seem to work. Especially on dating apps for I guess obvious reasons.

But as an observant, shy, lonely and somewhat intelligent person ( who happens to be gay) I have unfortunately never found love or relationships myself.. I have only seen it through other people

It's pretty apparent that dating is for simple people. I don't mean this in an arrogant way but a majority of individuals seem to not take the question asking part of dating seriously. Idk if this is due to them not being attracted, busy, simple minded or a more narcissistic culture but it is apparent to me that the closer these people are to my location, the less they are willing to learn more about me.

I wonder why that is? 🤔 I've had plenty of engaging online, non dating app conversations with people all over the world.

So part of me thinks that this is due to our new emotionless, soulless culture. Because this problem only exists when I engage with potential matches that can turn into reality.

The need for connection is still there. Fear is holding us back.

Why are people so afraid of reality? What are they running from? Themselves? Other people? Is the world in such a bad place right now that we feel like if we make a connection we know it will probably end up broken like the society we live in? 💔

The more I observe dating and other people's love lives the more it is apparent to me that deep, intellectual, stimulating conversations are not a part of the game AT ALL.

( take it as a grain of salt but from my observations dating goes like this)

One, attraction is the 1# thing! Because if you don't have it there is no fuel to get anything going. The car won't even get out of the lot. Especially off apps.

Secondly, the man usually takes action by getting the girl on the date as fast as possible..he has to woo her by showing her a fun, spontaneous, adventurous, humorous, and flirtatious time.

It is usually filled with banter, funny nostalgic stories, flirting and none of that would even matter if the two ( especially the man who usually carries the convo) was not attracted.

You can seriously make anything work with mutual sexual attraction. I've seen two plain and boring people talk for hours about nothing but because they had those saucer eyes for eachother it just worked! They definitely don't talk about work or deep concepts.

So the man drains his ( or if hes in his 20s) his daddy's resources on the girl to have a "fun" time..meanwhile his sexual motivation is keeping it going because she obviously has many other options.

The girl then looks pretty and vets if he is worthy for a LTR.

If so, she gets brought into this new, advantageous, silly, successful man's life and uses him as a tool to get away from her boring and domesticated life. She uses him for fun, community, hobbies and eventually family.

She uses his resources as a way to post on tiktok, fb and ig to show off to all of her friends " look at the amazing, good looking and successful guy I am able to get" mostly to show status as a woman and to make her friends jealous..because they were mean to her in the past.

None of her *connection* to her man has pretty much anything to do with conversation. ( sounds harsh I know but hear me out)

If you doubt this why do men and women immediately separate at Christmas parties and work events?

Have you ever observed a straight guy talking to a straight girl before? At any age?

It's usually a girl talking with her friends about things that doesn't interest him and his eyes roll over astrology and the girl eye rolling about video games or sports banter. Exc...

It's pretty obvious how for 95% of the population..male and female worlds have NOTHING to do with eachother. And want NOTHING to do with eachother except for what each gender lacks...

Emotional support from the woman and financial stability from the man. What binds them is sex and what keeps them together is family.

This is why my nerdy lesbian ass has such a hard time with dating. Lol

In the typical female way I am relying too much on talking, not much action. And in a very unfair lesbian way I can't seem to find my opposite.

I am trying to find an intellectual match when I should just be finding my feminine opposite. I'm treating dating like lunch dates with friends, Like men discussing politics on the Titanic while smoking cigars.

Unless I want to talk to a mirror long conversation isn't the way to go.

Because it never was to begin with. This is the code I finally cracked. Lol 😆

I'll leave the cerebral banter and philosophical insights to the lonely, individualistic writer side of me..the side of many great minds in history...But even a great writer will drop his work like a hot potato as soon as he finds a woman he is undeniably in love with. 🥰

My point is to find my opposite not my reflection. And my opposite might surprise me with what they can give or know...even if it's not deep or extremely interesting to me. This goes for any gender. Love doesn't work that way.

[conceptofjoy]

how do u imagine the Dynamic between dave and davepeta postgame. ik ur more of a dsprite fan than dp but i think it could/would be Very fascinating. plays a role in cracking daves eggy loking thign

i love both very dearly :) i draw dsprite a lot more partly bc of the self imposed sprite rules i made for my pc au. seb’s an exception, lets just say some kind of splinter bullshit happened lol.

pre retcon dave had that convo w jade abt ds. the way he talked abt him’s can be easily summarized by saing “hes me when it’s beneficial and not me when it makes me uncomfortable/ makes me need to confront some things.”

he’d totally just compartmentalize any interactions in that way lmfao. oh so youre a catbird sprite thing? alright im an ally do your thing bro i mean they. nepeta’s side of things wants to just PRY him open and the dave side’s like this is going to be so much fun. dps wants to fuck with him SOOO badly but also doesnt want him to run away from the egg crackification process. dave keeps avoiding dps not so casually but jade keeps looking at him disappointedly so they have to hang out. jade knows that theyre pulling something’s so tells dps to ease up on dave but thats literally an impossible ask.

dps explains some stuff about the gender thing bc dave is only casually interested. totally.

DAVE: so like a boy and a girl came together to make a nonbinary person?

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B//< ummm

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33< something like that!

DAVE: i dunno it seems pretty clear cut

DAVE: oh shit unless the bird also had some kinda bird gender and shook things up

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: >B33< yeah i had to do all kinds of gender maths as soon as i came into existence

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33< did you know bird gender and cat gender cancel each other out?

DAVE: no shit?

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33< no that was a joke dump ass!

DAVE: i knew that

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33< sure

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33< well i dont think the bird had anything to do with the gender maths. or the sword

DAVE: sword gender…

DAVE: wait wasnt the bird a mama bird?

DAVE: seemed pretty intent on keeping our game egg to herself remember?

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B00< ohhh yeah

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33< my bad

DAVE: you remember being a bird???

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33< no comment

DAVE: oh shit thats not very dave of you

DAVE: any dave i know would jump right into a whole spiel about how tough life is as a single bird mom

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: >B33< well dave thats because… im not you!

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33< we went over this before! lets go back to the gender thing

DAVE: yeah yeah

DAVE: ok gender

DAVE: so a human boy a troll girl a bird mom and a sword walk into two kernel sprites

DAVE: wait shit do the kernel sprite have genders too?

DAVE: kernel gend-

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: XOO< holy shit i think i get what equius went through

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33< do you see what youre doing to me dave? youre making me sympathize with a sweaty and incredibly silly 13 year old troll boy

DAVE: haha youre funny as shit

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33< thank you

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33< yeah while the other components probably added some other gender stuff

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33< it was mostly dave and nepeta’s gender that influenced mine

DAVE: yeah alright

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33< like nepeta for example

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33< grew up away from society and barely had to deal with the caste system

DAVE: sure

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33< theres specifc roles assigned to each gender and caste but nepeta just didnt get the memo

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33< despite the friend group being a pretty non hemoist

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B??< hemoist?

DAVE: sure hemoist

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33< well despite the group being all “who gives a crap about your blood color and gender”

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33< nepeta still felt like there was just something no one decided to tell him that dictated every interaction he had with everyone else

DAVE: yeah i totally get tha-

DAVE: wait “him”?

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33< …

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: ‘833< what?

DAVE: wait was nepeta a boy???

DAVE: oh shit how did no one ever correct me this whole time-

DAVE: no wait pause

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: ‘B33< paws

DAVE: paws

DAVE: no stop that

DAVE: if nepeta’s a boy and im a boy…

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: ‘B33< …

DAVE: were you lying about the bird gender thing or???

DAVEPETASPRITE^2:

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33< yes dave. i really am part boy gender and part bird mom gender

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33< *SIGH* i think thats enough for today. i tried my best

DAVE: huh?