#they had these neapolitan oreos or smthn. 3 stacks of creme between the cookies

[housecow]

So breeding for you is less "I fantasise about being nine months pregnant 24/7"

And more "I fantasise about having to excuse myself at a high school reunion because A) 450lb girls can't fit through this doorframe and B) someone else's baby cried and now I'm lactating like a dairy cow"

Good to know 🤔

bold of you to assume my high school reunion won’t take place in the competition gym, which is wheelchair accessible AND has double doors (they’re such a cheap school district) 👀 but stoppp i think i actually blushed at this bc. that’s hot as fuck.

letting my husband take care of the mingling and talking while i go take care of the excess milk. coming back and overhearing something along the lines of, “yeah, it’s not a surprise she’s this big now. everything she wanted to go out to do in high school was food-related.” “y’all have three kids?? and none of them are named after percy jackson characters?”

later i’d be asked: “why didn’t you tell me about that time you ate an entire family sized thing of oreos during your 30 minute lunch period?” and. “so THIS is why you weren’t even nervous about going. everyone knew you were a cow then, too.”