#they gave me a turnip after I beat their asses

[chippersweetbaby]

These guys wanted their asses beat so bad.

[king-of-zeroes]

Aeneid, aka bad fanfiction of the illiad/oddessy

Turns out I wrote an abridged version of the Aeneid after a few glasses of gin and forgot about it so here it is because why not.

Aeneas. 

The bridge of Classical Mythology between Greek and Roman. Son of the Goddess Venus and Trojan prince Anchises. He fought in the trojan was and got his butt kicked and rescued by his mother after Diomedes grabbed him by the leg and used Aeneas as a weapon to beat half an army to death and Neptune saved him by breaking character to save him from one of Achilles drive by beat-downs despite him being a minnor character at this point. This is some less than subtle foreshadowing. During the sack of Troy at the end of the legendary Trojan War, Aeneas was commanded by the Gods to leg it alongside his dad, his wife (who then died) and a buncha fanboys called the Aeneads. However he is plagued by Hera. I mean Juno - the roman rebranded version of Hera. In fact most roman gods and heroes were of Greek invention but given a new colour palette and name. ORIGINAL CHARACTER! DO NOT STEAL!!1! Basically if mythos was deviantart. Why is Juno even angry ad Aeneas, he aint don nothing wrong. shes just the go-to villain to screw over demigods for some reason. anyway Aeneas gets a fleet of ships because his mum gave them to him (a common theme that aint gonna stop soon so buckle down) and after a booze cruise to Thrace is told to go to Italy (where a lot of people from the Trojan war went to) as he is prophesised to become a great king. so off they go but Juno causes a storm for literally no reason to they crash at this island where they see a giant table with a ton of food so they eat it and a few harpies say "One day you'll get so hungry you will eat your table!" So they're like "Cool, whateves" and got lost and land in Buthrotum (how do you pronouce that?) and they're brought as prisoners to the rulers Helenus and Andromache. See Buttwhatever is a Greek city but has been taken over by trojans. but Aeneas is a trojan so why??? Plot holes aside, Helenus says if they go the short way, they'll die like super brutal to scylla and charybdis who are like the worlds greatest tag team wrestling team if WWE included murder. So they start the long ways around and one of Odysseus's men I mean Ulysses. DEFINETLY NOT ODYSSEUS. ULYSSES IS AN OC. Nah screw it, he's just a renamed Odysseus. And this guy helps them away from this Cyclops that Odysseus just stabbed in the eye. Then Juno asks Poseidon I mean Neptune to have them crash as Aeneas is supposed to destroy Carthage (Junos fav city) bu they crash in Carthage. Maybe Neptune was drunk. So they Queen of Carthage, Dido (no not the singer) sees the crew get slam dunked on her shores and Venus forces her to become his Overly Attached Girlfriend because the Gods have no fucking idea of consent in a relationship. So these two are at it but Venus is like: "Son, you know I just got you a super hot GF who I made to be always wanting it but you gotta go so you can be a king." So Aeneas leave in the middle of the night. Dido is distraught as she was forced to love this due who bailed so she lit the entire city on fire and stabbed herself. In some versions she still survived for a few days. Holy shit she's hardcore. So Aeneas dad dies and they celebrate I mean comisterete I mean HONOUR his memory by partying all day and night non-stop for a week. They party so hard they wake the dead guy up and he joins the party, gets wasted and says "VISIT ME IN HADES MA BOI" then dies again from alcohol poisoning. So to procrastinate actually doing his job, Aeneas decides to go to hell. Relatable - I've been in retail and hell is preferable. so on his way to hell he meets Dido cause she died. Remember? I dont. well I say "Meet", meet as in when you see your boss/teacher/colleague you don't like in a shop so literally dive into the next isle. So he meets his dad and the dude gice him a nine hour lecture about how good Romulus is, how great Rome will be and how FUCKING AWESOME his decendent GAIUS JULIUS CAESAR will be. Because he apparently couldn’t do it alive. so he climbs out of hell. wait how did he even get in there anyways? what could this nerd do to go to hell? be bad to workers on black friday? so he climbs out of hell. all his men are hangry (a new emotion I have invented that is a combonation of hungry and angry) so they end up eating their breadtables. BOOM! OMINOUS PROPHECY FROM EARLIER FULFILLED WITH SIGNIFICANTLY LESS PAIN THAN PREVIOUSLY THOUGHT. So they hit up the natives (the latins) and Aeneas is like. "Dude, I know this is your crib and we are basically a bunch of murderhobos with giant superiority complexes but hows about you let me move in and marry your daughter." Then Juno returns to Ruin Everything and starts a war between these otherwise nice people. So the kings BF who the princess was engaged to (Turnias) is psyched for this while Aeneas legs it because he has realised he has never actually won a single fight by himself because his mum has always showed up at some point to save his sorry ass so Venus saves the day (again) by hitting up her husband to make Aeneas a ton of legendary game-breaking weaponry despite the fact he's only a level 2 paladin. So after schenanigans happen, Aeneas friend died who he was supposed to protect died and deciding to shamelessly rip off the moment from Achilles and Patroclus becomes a meatgrinder of death. Suddenly some of that sweet Grimdark Angst has made this loser competant. So this turnip guy legs it and this significantly smarter and better woman called Camilla shows up and kills most of Aeneas' fanbase so he sends a dude to assassinate her while she's distracted by something shiny. because feminism hasn't been invented yet. Turns out this was a super smart move as she was the Goddess Diane's adopted daughter and she super-smites the assassin dude. Then a whole lot more murder happens than I can physically talk about where a bunch of siginificantly more cool and interesting people die until it is the Super Final Shoenun Showdown between Aeneas and Turnip. Turnip dies. So that happened. Aeneas and the princess are basically King and Queen of a literal mountain of corpses. Thus ends the worlds worst continuation fic & state sponsored plagiarised propaganda.

[leon-karnak]

RF4: First Playthrough Summary

Hello! This rf4diary series describes my journey through playing Rune Factory 4. I am currently trying to complete two harem files. This post describes my original first run through, where I played as Frey, got married and had a child. My only Rune Factory experience prior to this was playing through Rune Factory 3, where I married Raven and fell in love with the series.

SPOILERS in the diary, beware!

FIRST ARC

Upon starting the game, I was thrown off that our dialogue on the airship determined our gender. After mild debate I picked female.

I didn't find out til MANY years later and AFTER I married that I missed Venti's birthday on Spring 4!

I decided to go for Doug out of all of the initially available bachelors.

After I unlocked Dylas, I could not pick between Doug and Dylas.

I had a horrible time fighting Marionette as I neglected forging and crafting. I managed to beat her by hiding behind the furniture, kiting her with fireballs and consuming a hefty ton of apple juice and pickled turnips.

After unlocking Leon and talking to him for a few days, I dropped all sashimi and onigiri and hardcore gunned for Leon's love via grilled fish.

My brother bought me this game on Christmas Eve. I completed first arc the day after. When I told him "I think I beat the game" he was utterly shocked and asked if we should return it.

SECOND ARC

I didn't even know there would be a second arc!

Eliza gave me a Frost Axe via random request which carried me through a substantial amount of dungeons.

I had a hard time with Fiergaenger on Maya Road. I didn't bring Green because she healed the airrors earlier. Silly me.

I got stuck on the left side of Floating Empire and missed the purple switch on the right side of Floating Empire. I spent an embarassing amount of time trying to understand where I had gone wrong on these maps...

Once I got Leon to 7 LP, I got the successful "meet me at 10:00" confession but picked the wrong dialogue! I reset the game and ignored him for a whole game day haha! After I found out I had simply picked the wrong dialogue, I tried again and successfully started dating Leon.

It wasn't until this arc that I realized Doug's LP wasn't going any higher than 3. My poor baked onigiri.

I cried real tears when Venti left the town.

PRE THIRD ARC

I reset with Kiel in my party until I got Leon's marriage event. My ho ass couldn't wait for RNG. I couldn't seem to get it with Leon in my party which is why I tried Kiel.

Leon and I married on Clorica's birthday, Spring 12.

I spent this down time doing Eliza requests until I found out that the game had a RNG BASED TOWN EVENT THIRD ARC TRIGGER.

I reset with Dylas and Amber until I triggered memories.

THIRD ARC

Upon entering Rune Prana, the ranged mage room in RP1 stopped me for the longest time. I did not use staves, magic and did not know how to utilize glitta augite, raccoon leaf or 10 fold steel. Eventually Eliza blessed me with a lance and I was able to stab them to death.

Bane Dragon (RP1) smashed me.

Octopirate (RP2) smashed me.

Crystal Mammoth (RP3) smashed me.

It was only then did I decide to invest myself in understanding the crafting and forging system.

With the power of Elemental Shield, Four Seasons, Aquamarine Brooch and Wet Boots, I was able to smash Crystal Mammoth.

Hinoe and Kinoto (RP4) were a joke, but I think mechanics wise they were easier than previous bosses without considering my improved equipment.

Siren (RP5) smashed me at first thanks to her faint attack. Thank goodness for Big Bird's Combs.

The guardians in RP6 smashed the crap out of me as I had no magic oriented weapons.

Death Wall (RP6) was a joke. I never really understood his purpose in RF3 but nonetheless I appreciated his appearance here.

RP7 was a pain to go through. It was only now that I decided to start growing giant crops. I hadn't even unlocked golden turnips yet.

The giant ass golem boss thing in RP7 was just the worst...

Ragnarok (RP7) was a struggle but I managed to beat him and get Venti back! Yay!

I had my sweet little girl Luna with Leon after the EATING CONTEST (Autumn 5). How horrid is that?!

Eventually I completed all of Eliza's requests. I read more into Rune Factory 4 and found out you could have a harem! Here, I decided it was time to retire my original playthrough and start my harem files...

That completes my summary for my first RF4 playthrough! Coming up are my current updates for my Lest and Frey harem files.

MISC. INFO AND STATISTICS

Got Fenrir via winning 2nd place in a fishing contest (Dylas pls). One of my favorite weapons in the game.

Fell in love with Rapid Move and Rush Punch rune abilities.

Outfits I wore the most on Frey: "The usual...", pajamas, green forest, blue sky and midnight wings.

5 highest LP: Barrett (62), Raven (61), Leon (48), Luna (16), Vishnal (13)

5 lowest LP: Nancy, Blossom, Margaret, Dolce, Jones (all at 12).

Highest to lowest LP Bachelors: Leon > Vishnal > Arthur > Dylas > Kiel > Doug.

My birthday was on Christmas, Winter 25. My actual birthday is March 31st which would be Spring 30th. Mildly annoying, but getting presents on Christmas was nice I guess?

Shipping rate: 94% total. Crops, Medicine, Food and Fish at 100%. Weapons at 89%. Armor at 93%. Crafts at 89%. Other at 92%.

Recipes: all at 100% except Short Sword (96%), Long Sword (91%) and Staff (88%).

Profit foods: Monarch Mushroom hunting, Royal Curry, Pineapple Juice and Gold Juice.