#they flagged like two on a muse i don't even use as much and ALL i said was hello tumblr what even

[baegetas]

》 blackout.

son goku x afab reader

summary: sitting at the bar after a hard day, you're joined by none other than your friend gohan's father, and he knows how he can cheer you up.

warnings: minors do not interact, explicit content: age gap, multiple orgasms, (slight, if you squint) implied cheating, overstimulation, drunk sex, alcohol consumption

word count: 1.7k

you were alone at a bar. you'd completely flunked an exam that you'd studied hard for, and you were downing shots like they were nothing. even the bartender was asking if you were okay, to which you'd reply with a simple, "i will be."

while you were mindlessly scrolling through social media, a giggle cut through your brooding silence. it was familiar. you looked over your shoulder, finding that you were face-to-face with a "friend" of yours: goku. well, correction: he was gohan's father, and you were a friend of gohan's. you were a little scared of goku at first, but warmed up to him once you knew he wasn't some scary muscle-head. he grinned at you and promptly mused, "hey!"

"hello, goku."

he sat next to you, looking at you like a dejected puppy. "aw, what's wrong? you looked bored from over there, but man, you seem pretty sad."

you sighed, failing to hide the smile from him. "i guess. but i didn't expect to see you here, out of all people."

"whaaat?" goku giggled and spun the barstool around. "are you kidding? this place is so fun!"

"no, i mean, like, i didn't see you as much of a drinker."

"eh... if it's sweet, i don't care what it is. i'll drink it. heeeey!" he flagged down the bartender, grinning happily. "you have jello shots? yeah? you should give us a few!"

you gave him a slightly agitated look, to which he giggled and said, "don't worry, i'll pay! i don't know what's got you so down, but it's time to cheer up!"

that giggle would be the end of you, and you knew it. as the shots slid onto the counter in front of you, you sighed. it wouldn't be horrible to have a little fun, right?

next thing you knew, goku had convinced you to join him on the dance floor. there had always been something so charming about his idiocy. something charming about how oblivious he was. however, now that he had you in your own little corner of the place in the dark, you could see something else behind those sweet eyes. you could see intention, like he was aware of exactly what he was doing. he was aware that it was the two of you. he was aware that you were both tipsy. he was aware that he was double your size. he was very aware.

with the lights spinning again, flashing a multitude of colors, you found yourself lost in music. lost in liquor. you and goku had been gradually getting closer to one another. you found yourself dancing right against him, and his rough, calloused hands were sliding up and down the sides of your torso, with a focus on your hips. swaying back and forth in rhythm, you could feel his muscles against your back. you could feel his breath against your neck. you shuddered, and looked up at him for some sort of clue as to what he was thinking. and looking back at you were two serious, calculating eyes. like a predator. "heh. you look surprised."

your lip shook ever so slightly. "you... are you?"

he smirked. "am i what? gotta finish the sentence."

you hiccuped, trying to clear your throat. "flirting?"

"i dunno," he hummed, feigning innocence. "problem?"

your eyes flickered down to his hands on your hips. they were gripping you. "...no."

his voice dropped an octave, getting raspy. "nice. you mind if i do something?"

"to... to me?" he nodded, and you were having trouble suffocating the butterflies in your stomach. you swallowed roughly, leaning your head back against his shoulder as you stared up at him. he was holding you against him. for a moment, you thought, what would gohan think? i mean, this was your friend's dad. this man was twice your age. but nonetheless, you replied, "you... can do anything you want. to me."

within a split second, he flipped you around and pressed your back against the club's concrete wall. you had no time to breathe. goku was kissing you with a passion. your hands gripped his clothes, pulling him as close as you could. his thigh pressed in between your legs, and at that point, you were putty in his hands. all you could do was whine. this was a completely different goku, and you were loving it.

he sank his teeth into the side of your neck, and you moaned out loud. when you noticed someone staring at the two of you, your eyes widened. "ah- goku! hey."

he pulled back from your skin by just inches. "something wrong?"

"we... we can't do this. not... in public."

his voice was gravelly. "why not? i'm sure people would love to watch. make 'em jealous."

you blushed and stammered out, "it... it's indecent... and a little illegal... to do things like this in public. my apartment would be a better place."

"your apartment?" he stood straight up and pressed two fingers to his forehead. he gripped your shoulder tightly. "gotcha."

and suddenly, you were both standing in the front hallway of your apartment. you blinked a few times, unsure of what the fuck just happened, but all of that was thrown to the wayside when goku's lips found yours again, pressing you against the wall of your living room.

your belongings fell to the ground, and your hands started to pull his shirt up so you could feel his torso. every muscle, every divot - he was so fucking ripped. and his hands weren't wasting time with you, either. traveling up your thighs, he tore your panties off with one finger. his hand grabbed your entire ass, and he took in a deep inhale, smelling your scent on the skin of your neck. "god, you smell so good."

"you... ah!" you lost your train of thought when he started grinding his crotch against yours. with flushed cheeks from a drunken stupor, you mumbled, "you... want me, don't you?"

shedding his t-shirt, he growled, "what do you think?"

he was biting at your skin as his hands discarded the rest of your clothes, albeit in a more refined fashion. once you were completely nude, he couldn't hold himself back anymore. he picked you up like a doll. like you weighed absolutely nothing to him. he was quick to find your bedroom, and he quite literally threw you down onto the bed. then, he followed. and his tongue found your slit, rough hands pushing your thighs apart so he could taste you as much as he possibly could.

your hand tangled in his thick hair. he was so sloppy, but it was quick to send every nerve in your body into a frenzy. he would grunt and groan, and his nose would bump against your clit, sending a jolt through your body. when his tongue actually plunged into you, you lost all of your bearings. you came all over his face, and he replied to it with a pleased groan, unwilling to pull away until your body relaxed. with one eye open, you looked down at his messy face. his dark, widened pupils. his flushed cheeks. then, he grinned. "i thought you'd taste good, but that was better than i thought."

panting, you whined back, "goku... i..."

"already on it." he was quick to remove his pants and boxers, and he was quick to climb back over you, trapping you in another kiss. with the full weight of his body against his, you realized just how small you were. his length slid along your folds, and you could taste yourself on his tongue.

your hands found his back when he got the opportunity to press himself into you, and he did so with a guttural groan. at that point, you couldn't think. the slow stretch was just too good, and your foreheads rested against one another until he was fully sheathed in you. he panted, "so... tight... i gotta..."

you panted back, "just... just fuck me."

and when his hips started snapping back and forth, you couldn't help but whine. your nails dug into his back, and his face was buried in your neck. he was relentless, keeping a fast, steady pace. as your moans got louder, you heard his voice in your ear. "shh... be a good girl. i know you can handle it."

hitting that sweet spot over and over, it didn't take any time for you to come undone a second time. and a third time. goku hadn't even broken much of a sweat, and he had you completely folded over underneath him. your eyes were locked on his as he cooed, "yeah, that's it. good."

in that moment, you understood that he was going to finish inside you. and you didn't care one bit about it. as if on cue, his huge frame leaned down to trap you in a tongue-filled kiss, hands gripping your ass. you weren't going anywhere. he had you completely pinned.

you'd lost count of how many times you came before his thrusts started to get sloppy. he was grunting more often, shaft head poking at your cervix every now and then. it hurt, but you were far too blissed out to care. "good girl. just... a little bit more, okay?"

by now, you were a babbling mess, but you managed to nod in response. the bed was slamming against the wall, and you knew that your neighbors on all sides would be complaining about the noise, if they hadn't already. his grunts were going right into your ear, and he grunted especially loudly as he said, "you ready?"

you nodded and mewled, "yes, please."

goku growled, then moaned beautifully has he came right into you. his hips didn't even stop, riding out his own orgasm with a blissful look on his face. when his hips eventually stopped, he collapsed onto you, breathing heavily. you were doing the same. your head was spinning. after only a minute, he propped himself up on his elbow. "whew... that was... amazing."

"i... know." you said this so quietly that you could barely hear it yourself. "it was."

then, goku gave you that trademark giggle. that trademark grin. you looked at him through half lidded eyes as he said, "i think we're gonna have to do that again. way more often than just once. i'm gonna need it."

you smiled and wrapped your arms around his torso. you couldn't respond vocally, but pulling him closer was the answer he needed. he giggled again and relaxed atop you, with no intention of moving any time soon.

[evol-astraea]

Höllvania's national flag sure is interesting to look at.

It's displayed nearly everywhere in the tileset (heck, even on some of the manholes!). We players have already seen it first in the subway section in Whispers in the Walls and in the Höllvania Central Mall (on the floor, nearby the sliding doors to the Atomicycle/parking area). I wonder what is depicted on it means within the setting's context.

(personal musings under the cut)

The Sun-headed figure seems to be a lady. She has a noticeable slimmer build compared to her "partner" (for the lack of a better term) and wears a full length gown/dress with a mantle draped over he shoulders. The Moon-headed figure appears to be a knight. Now, I'm not entirely sure whether it's meant to be female or male, but they're definitely a knight! They're holding a Medieval great helm in one arm, wear some armor (visible on the ankles and feet) and a cape. Interestingly enough, the crescent used for their "face" represents the waning crescent Lunar phase. Both figures hold a Skana. The same sword often seen used by the Excalibur frame...As well as Arthur in 1999!

The first thing that immediately pops up in the mind is the concept of Dualism, and how important it was for the Orokin. The Sun and the Moon are are amongst the oldest, most ancient pair of "opposites" since the dawn of humankind. Different cultures of the world have, at various points throughout history, given different interpretations about them. Even from a linguistic point of view!

For instance, in Greek mythology (and Roman mythology by extension) the siblings Apollo and Artemis Diana for the Romans are the Sun and Moon deities, respectively. In Greek (ancient and modern), Latin as well as Romance Languages i.e. descended from Latin; like Italian, French, Spanish, Portoguese and Romanian "Sun" is a male noun, whereas "Moon" is a female noun. In other mythologies, religions and languages, however, the roles are swapped. Therefore you have male lunar deities and female solar deities. And then you have the linguistic wildcards where either one or both become "it" still linguistics-wise asdfghjkl (IMPORTANT NOTE: I could add TONS of examples here but, for the sake of keeping this reasonably "short" lenghty, I won't)

Now, in different moments in the TennoCon 2024 demo as well as the released 1999 demo, we can hear characters invoke the name of Sol. Arthur says "Sol help us if these end up Infested" about some games in the Arcade, during the TC2024 demo. Also Zeke (only heard), a few moments before the Technocyte Coda introduction. "For Sol's sake man, don't take this out on me!" (not sure I remember this one 100% right, though) I assumed it was a figure of speech at first (again, given this is not the real world/"Earth in 199 is not quite like ours" to semi-quote DE Reb) but...maybe it is not, after all? Which ties to this other point that caught my interest. (thanks, WF subreddit) There are posters mentioning curfew and authority being given over to Scaldra's Major Neci Rusalka, found in the tileset. They are signed by "the Sublime Majesties". Does this imply Höllvania is ruled by two rulers/sovereigns? Are they a king and a queen? Siblings? Perhaps a brother and a sister...or two sisters, even? Because if it turns out to be the latter...On this side of the Origin System we have the Grineer Queens, aka the Twin Queens. I don't think this is merely a coincidence. Last but not least musing, because who knows, maybe this, too, was thrown in there...Ngl, the first couple of I saw the figures in WitW/the mall my brain automatically went "Wait, are those two meant to be Operator and the Drifter?" Once more, another pair of "opposites". Then again, even the arrangement on the flag reminds of the Moral Alignement thing we've got in-game. Everything seems to be tightly connected to many things in Warframe. (which is why I love the game so much and all the small details added in each and every major update are a FEAST for my own curiosity)

That said, I'm really looking forward WF 1999 and all the things it will bring. >:)

[sophietv]

Hey! I’m hoping you can help me process my thoughts surrounding the love blackout so to speak. I’m having a really hard time understanding why it’s still necessary for Kaylor to present publicly as though they’re not in each others lives. I mean, like 99% of the fandom that aren’t lsk wouldn’t even think anything of it if they were seen hanging out again or if Karlie attended a show. They’d just be like, cool, guess they made up or are friends still and they’d move on. It was fun to pick up on the Easter eggs and the flagging between the two of them at first but it’s starting to just get exhausting when it’s been literal years since we’ve seen them together 😭 Like if they are in fact in each others lives why the blackout still. What does it achieve?

Hi!

It's a question that comes up a lot. And I do get why people are asking this question and here's my thoughts on this (it is my interpretation, I could be totally wrong too and there migth be so much more that I don't even thought about...).

So sorry... still writing this and looks like it's gonna be another novel reply lol.

For those of you who will read this and are not LSK. Well this is a LSK post. And this post will entertain the fact that LSK theories are right. It will be kind of deep thoughts, so it necessitate being open minded. If you are unconfortable with LSK theories, you might like to skip this one.

The "frienship" reunion and what it would imply

99% of the fandom are not LSK for a reason.

Ok a big chunk of that fandom is because they are not even Gaylors to start with.

But as for the Gaylors who are not LSK and are very loudly posting everyday that Kaylor is over. It is exactly because of the love blackout. (X) It's because Taylor and Karlie have not been seen together publicly since 2018.

In 2016 when they stopped interacting publicly and on social medias. The Kaylor narrative died down a lot with it. New muses where theorised and less and less people talked about Kaylor. We need to remember that even if Gaylors were an insignificant amount of people at that time. What was being said online impacted what medias said too. There was articles about Gaylors theories back at that time too. And this even impacted some Swifties. Then Kaylor narrative picked up a little bit in 2018 with the reputation reunion. But even then, it was toned down a lot due to the fact that Karlie was engaged and about to get married. When Taylor started being loud about coming out and flagging Karlie a lot in 2019. Kaylor narrative was loud again. But there was the secong wedding and everything and this kept it under control too. All that to say. That I don't think we can safely say that it would mean nothing. Or not impact Kaylor and the conversation that will be going on online if they are ever seen publicly again. Because it was very intentionally controled over all those years, for that narrative to be tamed.

But them being publicly linked again, would be confirmation enough for A LOT of Gaylors. It would take off the only thing that's been holding off some. Then there would be the Swifties narrative as well as the public one. Ultimately, one of the reason that Swifties hate Karlie so much and us talking about her, is specifically the fact that there's so much "proofs" about them having been a thing. That it's the principal "threat" to their straight image that they have of Taylor. A public reunion will lead to an increase in gaylor discourse online, wich would lead to an increase in public discourse about Kaylor too (think of the number of Gaylors mainstream articles there's been in the last year only). Gaylors have exploded over the years. So an increase in people talking loudly about them being together would be considerable. This leads me to another point. Taylor have been able to be so truthful in her songs and her flagging in the last years. Part of that freedom comes from most people believing that Kaylor is over.

Being friend publicly again with Karlie would impact her ability to be as transparant in her art. And, as long as she doesn't come out, this is one of the only way she has to express herself and be herself freely and feel seen by a bigger and bigger part of the fandom. This is not nothing. Nothing should keep this from her.

The implications of a Kaylor coming out

If Taylor ever wants to come out and finally be seen by the public. And if she doesn't want to be fully out with Karlie and the children at the same time. This can't be achieve with them being publicly friends again, for all the reasons stated above.

A Kaylor coming out would not be nothing. There's so much layers of implications and complications to consider. Depending on the narrative Taylor decides to play there's not many simple options:

Being truthful and explaining how it was her all along would invalidate all of her PR relationships she's had since 2014. That's 4 (if you count he who shall not be named). This would fuel the : Taylor lied to us narrative. This would mean having a lot of explanations to do with the children and everything. It would require a tell all. And this would be a massive call out to the industry. This would truly be epic. But not without serious consequences and push backs from the industry. Also all of the Joshlie narrative would be messed up. Josh would have to come out too. This would be really complicated to explain with the children and everything and would make a scandal. Not only in the music industry. And there might be a lot of push backs from Josh's family too. I'm sure there's a way of doing this. And turning all of this. And I'm convinced Taylor have the right people around her to work this all out. But we can't deny that it won't be anything but simple.

Going with the betrayal narrative and "breakup" to exlude the children. Would be a way to do it I guess. But this would mean that Taylor would never be able to call her potential children hers. And when people would start looking into it. It would be dificult to explain the Kaylor and Joshlie timeline crossovers. Especially with things like Kissgate being really public... So this strategy implies a lot of the difficulties of option 1.

Trying the: we were friends and fell in love only recently narrative. This one could work. Thankully the GP is gullible. But to wich extent?

There's so much Kaylors content and evidences out there, that this would be sooo complicated to play. If even possible.

Maybe there's more options and I don't see them because, well I'm not working in this world and there's so much I don't know... But yeah, the way I see it, there's no easy, simple and without serious potential consequences ways to do it. This is even if Taylor wants this part of her life out There's a real possibility that Kaylor will never come out.

And we need to be ok with this.

There's a real possibility that Taylor wants to protect what she and Karlie and the children have and doesn't want it to be broadly known. Like she sang in Peace and explained on her Musicians On Musicians interview. She would wish a normal life for her and her family. And knows that ultimately she can't offer them this with her fame and everything. But maybe, right now, this is the closest they can have it. And maybe they want to keep it that way, and it's ok.

And just like Taylor never has to come out. No matter how satisfying and validating it would be for Gaylors to be: See! I was right all along!

She doesn't need to give more validations to Kaylors.

I don't think we should see their flagging as ultimately clues that will lead to some big finish like this. It's really hard. Especially considering the hate Kaylors are getting. But I really think we should just take all the flagging that they are both doing as a way to letting us in on their life.

Offering us this unique privilege.

With nothing more to be expected from it.

When we put all of the hate, the (very normal and legitimate) want to be proven right and validated.

We are actually so lucky to be privy of this beautiful love story. To be trusted by Taylor and Karlie with those glimpses of their love. Personnally I'm honnored with only the chance to witness just this small part.

Ok this was really long. I'm sorry again... I fear we have to admit that novel answers are a very real risk when you guys ask me anons lol.

I hope this answered your question.

[r3dblccd]

GETTING TO KNOW YOU !

respond to the following prompts. include as much or as little as you want; you don't have to answer them all !

tagged by: @rainyearning

tagging: @luneblush, @moonpierces, @formorethananame, @weedzkiller, @dozenrozez, @wcvensouls, @honeycoded, @cherridream, @caelcstis, @blondiexbiites

name / alias. Rose

birthday. 12 February

zodiac sign. Aquarius

height. 150 cm (as mentioned sometimes before, I bite ankles)

hobbies. Listening to music, reading, writing, drawing, journaling, dancing, biting ankles, having existential crisis

favorite color. Red

favorite book. It's so hard to pick though! I'd say maybe the Rat trilogy by Haruki Murakami

last show. I honestly don't remember. I think it was the short series Choco Milk Shake. Idk what I'm gonna watch next, there are so many I still have to catch up on like WWDITS, My Beautiful Man, Our Flag Mean Death, Good Omens, Yellowjackets, Alice in Borderland, and now Sweet Home season 2.

sources of inspiration. I draw inspiration and ideas from various sources, be it movies, tv series, books, webtoons, video games, music, what have you.

story behind url. It's taken from the bridge of Enhypen's Given-Taken. Most of you all probably probably already know, but I just love vampires and everything magical and supernatural and wonderful and terrifying. And it just made sense with the majority of the muses that I have for the url to be this.

recent read. I moved this here for last so you can skip reading me ramble if you want. (I tell you, it's long, don't say I didn't warn you)

There have been so many things I've read in the past few months for my classic literature discipline in uni, mainly classic Greek literature and theatre, we've only recently dived in early roman literature and works from the Western European Middle Ages, our professor is kicking our asses off, but honestly these are one of my favourite classes out of the whole semester. But anyway, I actually just now finished reading The Romance of Tristan and Iseult by Joseph Bedier. Not bad, I must say. It has never been really my cup of tea to read romance stories, but at least it was much more interesting to read that than to read The Golden Ass (that one wasn't bad either, if we overlook some parts of it, yeah, I admit, but it was so unnecessary long in my opinion, I was literally falling asleep while reading it). If I had to pick which of the works I've read so far is my favourite, I'd have to say I really liked the tragedy Medea by Euripides (our professor once told us a story how she watched it being played out for the only time at the theatre in the city that we call our cultural center and how suddenly it started to rain and there was a thunder during the monologue of Medea and how it felt like nature was out there for the heroine and as if it was listening to her and answering her word, and the actress just kept playing her role in the water and when she was done, the rain suddenly stopped as if on cue and the sky was suddenly as clear as day again, and damn, I wish I was there to see it myself, I don't even care if I got drenched, I got chills just listening to that story. That was basically a once in a lifetime experience. But ANYWAY! The story itself is great, I really loved it.) and I also liked the comedy Frogs by Aristophanes, despite the message that the author was trying to convey at that time period.

As for my free time, I'm still reading The Ultimate Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams and I'm pretty close to finishing the second book from the whole series (The Restaurant at The End of The Universe), probably in a week or two I'll start the third book Life, the Universe and Everything. And I really love it so far. There so many funny and straight up absurd moment in the story and I love the group of main characters in it. My heart goes out to the robot Marvin, idk if I will see you again in the following books, Marvin, but you're a big mood, I feel you.

As for my annual update on Webtoons I am reading! Right now I'm reading Everything Is Fine, Homesick, Never-Ending Darling, Omniscient Reader, My S-Class Hunter, ZOMGAN, There Are No Demons (the art style for this series is very uncanny valley but in a cool way, I love it), Nocturne, The Guy Upstairs, Lore Olympus and Zombie X Slasher (and interesting way to take the zombie genre and create a story, I must say, I don't think I've seen anyone do this before, I look forward to what the author can offer). And I recently finished Surivival Diary, Dark Moon: The Blood Altar, The Star Seekers, Crimson Heart and soon I'll be finishing Dark Moon: The Grey City Too.

And a webtoon I recently finished too was Survival Romance and I just gotta give a shoutout to it. That webtoon took me completely by surprise. It wasn't the cute art style that made it unique, there are many stories that look cute on the outside that hide something dark and sinister underneath (like Everything Is Fine, for example). I knew this webtoon is horror, so at first I expected maybe one of the characters would be a yandere or something like that and the MC would be trying to escape that. And yes, there is one side character that could be considered obsessive in a way in parts of the webtoon, but the story wasn't about that at all. The author just took the romance and horror genres and turned them on their heads. The whole story isn't all that much about romance at all, actually, it's about forming friendships and bonds with people and having the will to keep pushing forward despite all the struggles you might be going through. The plot twists were SO GOOD, even though some could have been quite easy to predict. I also loved that the author put some meta and breaking the forth wall moments (Doki Doki Literature Club style is the closest association I could think of for this webtoon, kind of) and by the end all the characters [REDACTED, NO SPOILERS, GO READ IT YOURSELF IF YOU'RE CURIOUS]. The message is also very nice, the closing words in the epilogue honestly hit quite close to home and made me bawl my eyes out. The story also has zombies in a quite a unique way in my opinion. So if like dark stories with twists and turns and a meaningful message, and if in any way I piqued you're interest, go and check it out. I'm sure you won't be left disappointed. I could honestly write way more about this webtoon, but I already wrote a lot, so I'm gonna stop here.

[invisibleraven]

"Your smile is beautiful. I want to see it more often..." + Rulie?

Reggie sighed as he wiped his hand over his face wondering yet again why he decided to take up photography. There were only so many flocks of geese and sunsets to capture on film right?

He was kind of stuck on his final project which had the topic Everyday Beauty-the subject matter was up to im but time was running out, and he honestly wasn't sure what he could shoot.

"Why don't you just take photos of us?" Bobby joked. "We're hot shit!"

"That is actually not the worst idea," Reggie mused. "Taking pictures of the parts of us that we don't see as beautiful, but show inner beauty!"

"Okay, I was joking but that sounds amazing Reg," Bobby said, clapping him on the back.

Reggie took up his camera, and planned each shot, asking each of his friends to pose for him, showing off the parts of themselves they felt the most insecure about. They parts they had been mocked for, or felt ashamed of. No holds barred, but Reggie would let them choose what they did.

A shot of Luke, shirtless, proudly showing off his top surgery scars.

A close up of Alex's hands, covered in callouses and holding a bottle of Ativan.

Bobby hugging Celia, the flag to the Philippines held between them.

Willie sitting on his skateboard, clutching his cracked helmet in one hand, and the key to his childhood home on the other.

Flynn with her hair in it's natural state-no braids, no weave, but a brilliant smile on her face.

Carrie standing by herself, a blurred crowd all around her, face frozen in a silent scream.

Reggie even took a picture of himself; capturing the rosacea on his cheeks, the freckles on his nose, and the crooked grin that had been the source of shame for so long.

He only hit a wall with Julie.

"It's stupid," she muttered. "I know it's a stupid thing to be insecure about."

"What is it?" Reggie asked.

"My smile," she said. "Kids always made fun of the gap, about how it made me lisp when I was younger, always whistling at me."

"Is that why you never smile for us?" Reggie asked quietly.

Julie nodded. "And I know you guys wouldn't make fun of me, but it's so hard to make those voices go away, to believe anything but the negative."

"I get it," he replied. "I suffered through years of braces and a retainer and I hated smiling with either one. But you know what I did?" Julie shook her head at him. "I smiled more. If I made it seem like they couldn't bother me, they stopped trying."

Julie giggled at that, releasing her smile, and Reggie held a hand to his heart.

"Your smile is beautiful. I want to see it more often..."

"Stop!" Julie protested, but now she seemed unable to stop smiling, bright and beaming.

"Can I please take a picture?' Reggie asked. "Maybe if you see yourself the way I do you'll finally realize how beautiful you really are."

"That's the point of your project isn't it?" Julie asked.

"Pretty much."

"Okay then," Julie agreed, letting Reggie pose her against a flowy curtain, leaning towards him and unleashed her smile once more.

Reggie took a moment to take her in, and was sure his hands were shaking as he lifted the camera. Taking picture after picture, capturing Julie as she smiled and laughed, and finally pulled him in for a picture of the two of them, faces squished together, their smiles filling the frame.

Reggie didn't submit that one, instead printing it off and it lived on his nightstand, and it was that pose that they recreated on their first date after he aced his project, after they got engaged a few years later, and again at their wedding.

And Julie's smile was big and bright in every single one. Just as beautiful as always, just like her.

[visceravalentines]

I have so many questions about your job, it seems very interesting. Can you talk about what it entails? See, my grandma had a flower shop I would work at and we specialized in floral arrangements for funerals. While I was allowed to watch the ceremonies, I knew not to ask questions or talk even though I was intrigued about the rest of the people working there to make things go smoothly. Also, if you have any books on becoming a mortician or anything related to your field that you'd like to recommend, I'm always expanding my reading list!

great question, and mad respect for you and your grandma!! doing flowers for a funeral can be high stress with the fast turnaround. i talked a little bit about my day-to-day here, but here's a few things we do that people don't realize!

we file the death certificate. we often officiate funerals or dedicate graves if the family is shy. we pallbear for those who don't have any or enough able-bodied family members or friends to do so. we get flags for veterans (from the post office!). we book flights for decedents whose final resting place is elsewhere! we shave your face, male or female (gotta get rid of that peach fuzz for the cosmetics). we submit obituaries to the newspaper. we go through the drive-thru with a body in the back sometimes, but only when you absolutely have to bc you're not gonna get another chance to eat that day. we clean up all the used tissues you leave under the pew. we wash all the hearses and limos and vans. we make the bed after we pick up your grandma. we read the obituary and try to remember everyone's names and hope and pray we didn't forget anything because we really, really want everything to go well for you. we talk to your loved one and tell them we're sorry and tell them we're trying and tell them how much you miss them. we really care a lot, most of us.

i really enjoyed From Here to Eternity by Caitlin Doughty for how broad its scope of funeral practice is! i also really love Stiff: The Curious Lives of Human Cadavers by Mary Roach, which is exactly what it sounds like. both of those are pretty entry-level for people interested in death or death work. two less exciting but very good books about death and grief are A Grief Observed by C.S. Lewis, his musings on the death of his wife, and Lazarus Rises (Amongst Other Things) by Berklie Novak-Stolz, a poetry collection written after her brother's suicide. grief is something people by and large do not recognize or experience until it hits them like a meteor, and it is a part of my job that is very near and dear to my heart and often very difficult and taxing. i highly recommend learning even a little bit about it before it becomes necessary to experience firsthand.

[supernaturalworldsofsecondlife]

Roleplay Standards; Reasons to use them.

So, it's been a bit with some insanity behind the scenes, but I'm able to actually sit down and form some thoughts and feelings surrounding these things. But first; a scenario! You're going around and you're roleplaying in groups, you're making connections and plans. Things are going good! But then you start to notice some little things that seem off. One of them seems very possessive of your time. Yet another tends to ignore plans they've made as well as hooks. What do you do? Here's where the standards come in. But before I go further, I should note; YOU ARE NOT OBLIGATED TO ROLEPLAY WITH OTHERS. But I will also stress that if you give dates, or tell someone you're 'going to', that implies that said obligation will be met. I'm someone who doesn't expect much out of others aside from the bare minimum. Being good to one another, open communication in regards to potential triggers so I know what to stay away from, etc. Very basic things that help us gauge whether or not we're a 'fit' in terms of collaborative writing and how well our energy bounces. But then you run into two types of people who abuse that. You have the person who will demand EVERY ounce of your time, which is bad... Then you have people who will set a time and day, flake, then set another time and day. When you find yourself the object of obsession to the point they want you to have a certain face credit/claim, or that your character in a video game isn't to their expectations all the while obsessing over scenes that have yet to happen? Drop, block, and run. This is one of the very few instances where I find ghosting absolutely necessary. These are the type of people that you should have standards against because 1) they're suck the energy right out of you and 2) use narcissistic or dark empath traits to keep you there. More times than not, these people are why BadRPerStories exist. Likewise, when you find yourself being flaked out on over and over on specific dates with frequent communication over an obligation? Don't waste your time on them, especially if they're very active in other circles. Hold your standards and quietly drop them. If they ask why -- be honest if you tell them, but don't be a jerk about it. Though, this is another situation where I feel ghosting is very valid because they're not valuing your time enough. And sure, there's nuance to every situation. Maybe IRL came up or the muse isn't there -- in which case it's easier to be honest, that way time isn't invested unnecessarily. Speaking from personal experience, it takes a while to rebuild that momentum back if you're an avid storyteller and you let people walk all over you. Have reasonable standards. Communicate them often. If they cannot meet expectations of either posting cadence deadlines, or just meet a very simple obligation after they said they would? Get rid of them. They're not worth it. If they're obsessing over you, your character to the point you're drained? Get rid of them. If you're in a group RP (discord or video games) and they're always needing to know who you're roleplaying with? Get rid of them. These are, and should be if they aren't, red flags. Block them, block their alts. Having standards will help protect your mental health, help you garner the right people that fit your writing styles best, and generally it helps keep you safe on the internet. We live in a time where this hobby has often turned into a different form of escapism. Where instead it was just a fun thing that we could do, people are using it to completely substitute things in real life and will try to use you to do that. Don't fall for it. If you've found yourself in situations like these, or even going through them currently and you stumble onto this -- it doesn't hurt to re-evaluate your standards. If you feel trapped or stuck? Maybe raise the bar of entry just a little bit. <3

[charsawdeath]

“I’m here to listen if you ever need to talk.” - VoxVel? (Gimme-A-Thrust)

I’m here to listen if you ever need to talk.” - VoxVel? (Gimme-A-Thrust)

-

I've wanted to do something for these two for AGES!!!

-

The silence from Velvet when she returned to the penthouse was an immediate red flag to the TV Overlord. 

She was always loud, always showing off what she did, what she got, but nothing like this happened this time but instead, she walked through the living room and went out the bay doors to the balcony. 

Val and I looked at each other and it was decided I'd check on her. 

He nodded to his phone and I agreed to let him know before stepping outside and closing the doors to give us privacy. 

It's windy up here and I notice right away she'd not even bothered to get a coat for herself before she left.

I'll scold her for that later, until then-

"You may be dead but you can still get ill if you don't take care of yourself, Vel!" 

My jacket rests over her thin shoulders, draped down the length of her back, waving gently in the breeze outside.

She doesn't respond, just holds an arm to her side and keeps her phone pointed downwards.

Another red flag.

She'd been shoving the screen into my own and telling me about this and that, the lowest soul she found and the cutest thing she saw.

But she withholds it, keeping it away as if seeing it again would cause physical harm!

"Vel… Princess?" I ask and reach up one clawed hand to assure her I was there too.

That she wasn't alone, that she wouldn't be harmed by whatever made her resentful of her phone, her other half!

"Sweetheart, what's going on?" I ask, pulling her away from the stone railing of the balcony and pressing her to myself instead.

I knew how she died-

Social Media was a hell of a drug!

She presses her face into my chest and tries her damndest to sound normal, not a sign of weakness in her voice but fails as soon as she gets out, "They.. Forgot me!"

"Who forgot our lil girl?" I asked sweetly, hugging her, feeling the tears soaking my front.

She weakly holds out her phone unable to bring herself to say who, but I see it for myself what got her so upset.

'Social Media Star Vel found dead-' The year she died. Front page on everything I scanned through.

'Remembering the Star of Media this day-' A year after, now a blurb on the side of more important news. 

'World's largest yarn ball rolls into traffic-' She'd been forgotten like yesterday's news and replaced with the next big thing. The hottest new trend-

Like everything else within this industry!

But knowing how much it meant to her that her image was online even though she was dead, this unforeseen development rocked her world and upturned its foundation ruthlessly.

She wasn't known Above anymore-

Just another trender doing something stupid to get hits and wound up dead instead.

"My little Princess, shhh~" I sooth, holding her close as she loses it at last and falls into my hold, my support like a ton of bricks.

"Just because your legacy on Earth has been pushed to the back, doesn't mean loyal followers have forgotten their Queen of Social Media!"

She peeks out from her buried state on my chest and blinks sweetly up at me, my smile glowing upon her tear streaked face.

"That just means to the Lessers Above that a new trend needs to be created, a challenge to get the numbers going by their long lost Princess of Style~"

"I love you, Daddy- Thank you~" She whispers and hugs me tightly.

"Any ideas on how to get the wheel turning, sweetheart?" I ask Velvet, sending Val a text saying it was good and hear him coming out of the bay doors next, a blanket in hand by the sound of it.

"I was thinking maybe, a Tide Pod challenge!" 

"Will cut back on a bunch of dumbasses for sure~" Valentino sneers, throwing the blanket around us all.

"Toilet seat licking!!" She chirps excitedly and gains my grossed out smiling face.

"Now we're cooking with diesel, baby~" Valentino muses, pulling us both into him and settling us down on the balcony couch.

After a few more ideas are thrown up into the air and Vel has calmed down enough to leave mine and her Daddy's arms, we the V's look outwards towards our Empire and await the arrival of the next batch of Wannabes when they've failed their Challenges~

Velvet tapping away excitedly about the rules to these new Trends and how famous they'd be if they followed the True Star of Social Media~

[voicesandthoughts]

I wander through stardust, trying to find something whole, somewhere hearts might align

but I sometimes wonder, If I want to hold tight to one, or simply prove myself worthy of the light

I stand on the line between us, two tides rushing to be right

I want someone to hold to, but I need them to put some doubts to rest

Maybe it's that I can't put anyone above you, or a subconscious string of trust issues

I push out chances of love, because I'm too lonely

because they deserve better than me

but I'm two sides of the same coin, never quite falling one way or the other

I fall with passion, even when I can see the trees growing lifeless

I will send paragraphs on my knees, convinced even red flags are priceless

become a doormat, just to feel their touch

I live, in eulogies about myself

In my head I'm a million someone else s

I amount to much more

There's a million romantic lives I live

and maybe, that's the only place it is

I'm the only one made of the love I pray to find

or maybe, that's just a self-made confinement

I perform autopsies on every life event

trying to find what every little detail meant

the curtains are never just blue, it means something

every detail cuts or mends a wing

I set the table with things they didn't care to notice

It's left my life, but never the room, never my stomach

because I gave my all and had to grow myself from scratch at the end of every day

I followed every rule and line, but I was always told I'm out of tune

I tried to make up for it

in academics and a soul's acrobatics until I couldn't recognize who I had bent into

in pouring myself like gauze into someone else's wounds

but I was never given the proper space to fit into

never given anything more than a makeshift bandage

never given anything more than the incoming damages

I need it like a heartbeat

a muse, a lover, someone to capture the moon for

but more than that, I need to know that I can be more than a creak in the floorboards

or the sun leeking through the cracks

and to know, how do you chose between being inspired and being told you could never expire

or turning down every hint of the desire

Even those with the most desire, never make either last

So what does it matter if I fall asleep in broken stardust

If I break some just to count and keep busy

I don't trust that anyone could really need me

I'll sleep beneath the floorboards

you know I'm there, but my name is never uttered

I don't know if I want to be loved or just finally heard

Nobody let's me hold onto both

[jodilin65]

If that was Abby on Pinterest with the Harry Potter boards who sent me that "Hey!" and then disappeared when I asked if it was her, I could totally kick myself for asking that. Totally! Once again, I scared off this person I've always been curious about. I should avoid her like the plague because we've had problems in the past, but I can't help but wonder about her, this much younger person in upstate New York who has read my journal religiously since 2017.

To recap the Abby story for my private blogs: she's a Potterhead who is also into the Pee Wee Herman movies, even though she's already 31. She's autistic, emotional, and moody, which is why I should stay away if I were smart. I think what draws me to her are two things: she's read my journal for so long, and she seems highly intelligent based on her writing. Where I would use Kate Jackson and Nane and other people as writing muses, she uses the Harry Potter characters.

The thing that annoys me about her is that while she does have some accounts that she's had for a while now, she constantly deletes and creates new accounts. I'm not sure if it's because she's that unstable or just wants to remain on the front page of the new user list. She calls it starting over, but all you have to do is delete your entries or books if you want to do that. There's nothing a new account can do that an old one can't. So, I think it's about remaining quietly in the spotlight. Sometimes, she doesn't even allow comments, as if she wants a one-way interaction with her audience.

She's incredibly shy and doesn't comment on my stuff, and if I ask too many questions, she deletes her account. One reason she is this way is that she got screwed over by some online trolls years ago. She's bisexual and has had abusive partners and family members and was going to hang herself one time when things got too much for her. When she chickened out, she was called a coward by some sick, twisted trolls.

One time she blew up at me because I gave her friendly suggestions for journaling. Because she won't contact me directly, she wrote in her bio that she didn't appreciate anyone “policing” her journal and how much that pissed her off. I wrote in my own bio that I wasn't telling anyone what to do with their journal but was merely making suggestions and throwing out ideas for her to take or leave. She apologized profusely, and while that right there is a huge red flag along with the constant deleting and creating accounts every few days and other things, it's hard for me to be smart where she's concerned. Anyone else and I wouldn't have anything to do with them. But this one definitely keeps my curiosity piqued.

I wish I could wind back the hours and respond to her message with a simple hello. It might have been fun to see what she would have said and take it from there. She started to journal in another account on PB, and I asked if it was her, and sure enough, it was, and she quit updating it. Sometimes I'm too smart for my own good. I've been very hesitant to contact her there because I don't want to scare her off and into deleting the account, knowing how shy she is. She's admitted that she avoids people to prevent conflict.

As I said, there are a handful of red flags that I should be mindful of. Recently, or at least recently enough, she cut herself. She said she did it on her stomach so her co-workers couldn't see. I guess she works in a cardboard factory.

I told her in a public blog that if it really was her and she wished to contact me anonymously, please don't give up. I told her it was the Potter pics that gave her away and to wait a while so it's not too obvious and create another account that's empty or at least with pins I wouldn't connect to her and message me again if she wants.

Now I'm left to forever wonder what she would have said had I not known it was her or at least played dumb. Funny too because I've noticed some Potter fan pages being suggested to me on Facebook. I thought Facebook didn’t recommend people who looked in on our profile but I also can’t be entirely sure that they’re connected to her any more than the Pinterest message.

[justapeskyninja]

☠ ♥ ♦ surrender the tea

☠ What does someone have to do for an instant unfollow from you?

You gotta be some kind of creep and or evil for me to do so.

Usually you were someone from a previous fandom that was toxic and I want nothing to do with you. I find out you bully and or guilt others. Rarely ever unfollow people for petty things like shipping related stuff or head canons (tumblr savior will save your life I swear), but yeah just try not to be a jerk or creep is all and we're all good.

Oh, I don't like being a plan B. If I reached out to you before various times and you decide you want to rp with me due to your favorite person (we all have one) not being around lately I just don't like being an after thought and then ditched. I put up with something like that for 3 years? (say you wanna do the thing with me but you never follow through when we plan) Finally had enough and just silently unfollowed and blocked them.

Yeah, I have too much patience unfortunately.

♥ What’s the WORST thing that has happened to you rp wise?

Going for the worse one? Let's fukkin' goooooooooo then!

Happened in the Sailor Moon fandom (I ain't even gonna be lowkey about it.) Fandom use to be filled with drama and so many cliques long ago, but this girl I was pretty decent buddies with outright accused me of sending her hate because she used a blog tracker and since I was the last one on said blog then I must have sent her anymous anon hate because logic.

Gave me a half assed apology after I expressed my irritation and disappointment in her, but doesn't stop there someone I was LONG time friends with online decided to take her side on it and believe all the BS she spewed because she was very much sweet on this guy (did the same thing to a girl that had dated him awhile back too in accusing her of stupid shit and that they couldn't be friends).

Ended a long time friendship (and a single ship between our muses) I really enjoyed with the guy, who didn't want to talk to me nor clear the air about it. Decided to fuck off from his blog because anyone but her and whomever was 'friends' with him could officially kiss his ass. SO, I decided from then I wanted to engage in that fandom anymore. (She has a rap in the fandom now and no one wants to interact with her though these days fandom for SM is pretty quiet far as I know but I'm never in it.)

And that young one is how I met and divorced your father.

Took me awhile to get over it, but with a long standing friend of mind got me through it, so I say fuck all that noise that happened back then.

ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ

♦ What was a mildly annoying thing that has happened to you rp wise?

Probably should have been filed under worse, but here we go. Got stalked on a blog and the person could NOT separate OOC FROM IC and red flags to show they thought said character wanted nothing to do with them. Had to block them and they kept sending anon related things to me. Eventually I just kinda abandoned the blog cause they would not leave me along with their weird obsession of my character.

On lighter note had someone that liked to just belittle Yuffie in IC and OOC because this girl definitely has no kind of skills, reedming personality and just knows stealing. So, DUH. That is her personality trait. Things I had to deal with in having this muse for about two decades is the unnecessary hate she's gotten over the years. Ya know, up until FF7 Remake makes everyone fine with her.

If you didn't love her at her worse you don't deserve her at her best.

(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

[bringerofdxmons]

‘Alcohol tag is still okay, so I’m good. Sucks for the rest of y’all.’

[usagichronicles]

7, 22 :D

7. What is one overrated roleplay trend?

I'd call it somewhat 'bandwagon muses,' where people take up a canon character who's just been introduced, or form an OC using the new one as an FC. I have had the temptation myself, and I've done it before. I nearly took up Saga from Arknights when she was announced, even before she was on the EN version (only in the past few weeks have I started using her as an FC). When Katsushika Hokusai from FGO was new, I made a character with her as an FC - one Koizumi Sakura - who I would proceed to not do much with.

It's nice to jump on the new hotness, but a lot of the time the more valuable thing is sticking to the characters you've got.

22. Are there any red roleplay flags for you that make you back off immedately?

Two of them.

One is having a lack of longterm threads that I can find within the first five to ten pages of one's blog; short things are all well and good, but, well, look at the type of threads I do. If I had more time I might do more short term things, but I almost exclusively do long stories and even story arcs.

The second is anything NSFW involving characters who are either straight up underage, or act like they are underage. I don't tolerate paedophilia and no amount of "she's actually 700 years old--" will change that.

[versin-surfin]

eclipsecrowned

Every now and then, he's certain of a few things. Immortality was worth all of it. Armand is less wise an more beautiful than anyone supposes. And something is wrong with Whitney. Idly, he looks down to the watch on his wrist, making sure he's got the time right. The hours prove less deft than his Muse, and haven't slipped away from him unannounced. Still, it's later than he's accustomed to seeing her on site, and far too late for her characteristic can-do pep. Leaning against the doorframe, he props himself up, still fresh enough that the golden light paints something like life into his not yet marbled hide.

"This oughtta be good," he answers. "Alright. I'm all ears. Did he sink the yacht and funnel the staff bonus into a flagging third world rebellion, or is this just a courtesy call before he drops another thousand on microtransactions?" Armand is many things, even if he hopes interns and secretaries only get the best of him.

For once, it seems everyone is. Whitney's words are met with an owlish blink, the anticipation of youthful laughter. Fortune smiles on him for the first time since the basement. Straightening, he recognizes the severity of the situation. Armand is gone. The night is his, and at least half of tomorrow. There's so much that can be done.

So much that can be enjoyed.

He steps away, back into the comfortable claustrophobia of his writing nook. Popping open the drawer nearest to the window, he retrieves a chilled bottle and two glasses. "Come in, come in," he beckons. "Low alcohol content, only thing I can stomach at this stage. That's news worth celebrating right now."

Something ought to be. The tiny office otherwise has only an altar of ash on the foundations of its tray, and a typewriter whose latest page seems to have descended into a steady, Torrancesque repetition of 'fuck.'

"Did he say where he was going?"

There's not much left to do before her shift ends, so she enters the office with a smile and a motion with her pointer finger and thumb to indicate how much she wants. If only Mr. Ellis could see her now, he'd have quite the befuddled reaction! And would probably agree with her that somehow, the vampires were less of an immediate danger to her than the Houses. Were they operating on the same level, in terms of influence?

That's a question for later, when she isn't tired and he's done fighting his manuscript.

Instead, Whitney sets aside her clipboard and makes a 'cheers' motion with the glass. At the question she shakes her head and replies, "Nope. Just said he was going and would bring back a souvenir." Not the most comforting thing, given the vampirism, but the less she knows the better in that department.

"I can ask Karin to watch the spending and let you know? That way you can at least have a vague idea, which would take the edge of surprise off."

She sips at the drink, her tastebuds happily singing the praises of something that wasn't caffeine from the world's fanciest office machine. The stuff is still from a prettier bottle than her budgeting would permit, but Daniel doesn't lord it over or forget that people actually have budgets that need to be adhered to. He just shares with the others in the office like sharing communal sodas. Which is why she feels confident enough to point to the most recent page.

"I had a tutor tell me that any time I got stuck writing I should go back to the previous paragraph and fix it there. Of course, one of my friends he also helped out would make a whole new paragraph and use it to get un-stuck and he got a full ride, so I don't know."

[angrylizardjacket]

the view from halfway down // charlotte&lola // 4

Summary: Lola's worried she's made a mistake.

A/N: @misscharlottelee i made myself sad.

Lola places flowers on Charlotte's empty grave, and sits cross-legged before it. Its a Wednesday afternoon, Lola's wearing a pale sweater over a rose-printed sundress, splotches of bright paint in primary colours adorning her hands as the evidence of her morning's activities wherein she'd been helping Penny's class with their Easter arts and crafts. For a moment that feels like an eternity, there is silence, her lips drawn into a tight line, resting against her steepled fingers. Not that she'd admit it, but she's become somewhat unrecognisable to herself.

"Tommy's a really good dad, you know, at least he tries," Lola started, voice little more than a whisper, "you know he hosted Liss's sleep-over birthday party on his own while I spent the night in my office scheduling Def Leppard's next tour; says a lot about me, doesn't it?" The words come out sour, her own thinly veiled self loathing reading loud and clear. "She's five, you know, and Penny's eight; where does the time go? I know I say this every time, but every day she's looking more like you, its a little terrifying." Lola laughs but there's no humour in it.

"I feel like such an asshole," Lola admits, hanging her head, "I know she'll have other birthdays, but five feels important, you know?" Lola sighs deeply, "even Slash was there! I know! Saul fucking Hudson was at my daughter's birthday and I wasn't… but that's because Penny invited his son. They're in the same class; me 'nd Tommy didn't even realise until a few weeks ago, what a small world," her smile, though small, is fond and genuine, "Johnny - that's his son - has got his hair and his smile, and I think Penny's got half a crush. It's kind of adorable," Lola pauses, looking at Charlotte's name engraved on the headstone, "wish you could be here to see it." 

"I feel like the villian in a Christmas movie," Lola mutters after a moment, and the way the wind whistles through the trees almost sounds like laughter, but the mood shift quickly.

"Charlie, you know me better than anyone; did I make a mistake? Because you know I love Tommy, and he loves me, but," Lola chewed her lip for a moment in hesitation, averting her gaze from the headstone, "we're not happy. Neither of us are really happy anymore; I mean Tommy's happiest when he's in the studio or with our girls…" she trails off, quietly dejected, unable to voice the thoughts that hurt her the most.

"The kids at Liss's school talk about me to her," Lola swallows hard, "and she talks to Tommy, and he tells me, but she never talks to me about it. Apparently, according to some five-year-old I'm neglectful, and I know, okay, I know that's just shit they parrot from their parents, even though half of those rich assholes aren't even around as often as me, they pawn their kid off to their fucking nannies, but they have thr gall -" cutting herself off before she can get too worked up, Lola swallows hard, eyes pressed shut tightly. 

"I'm trying, okay, but I know I'm not fucking perfect. I don't… I don't think I'm what's best for Liss and Penny right now," after a beat, Lola takes a deep breath, "and I don't think I'm what's best for Tommy."

"Maybe I am neglectful," she muses forlornly, "I don't feel like myself anymore; I'm CEO of a company, I'm signing some of thr biggest rock bands in the world, but I still don't get being a mother as much as I try, and its been five years - Vince hit me with an 'I told you so' the other day," she half laughs, "always told me it'd be tough raising kids in my situation. We grabbed lunch the other day and fuck, I didn't realise how much I missed talking to him until it was just the two of us. I'm managing him now too, the lunch was more of a business meeting than anyhing else; he's going solo, and that's caused a bit of tension with Tommy - me and Tommy. It's not a betrayal, its business, and I told him that; he still didn't seem happy." Lola rolled her eyes, "its not like I stopped managing Motley."

"He called me a workaholic, and maybe he's right. Replaced one addiction with another," but Lola shakes her head, "he is right, he just doesn't seem to understand. I've been hustling since I was fifteen, I never grew out of that mindset of 'if I don't work me and everyone I care about will literally starve to death'. Its not an excuse, but I don't want to see someone about it becausr then I'll have to deal with the rest of my shit, and that, at least, I'm managing prettt okay." But thr scrunch of her face betrays her lie, and she quickly concedes, voice growing quiet.

"He told me Nikki and Brandi got divorced the other day, and whatever reaction showed on my face… wasn't the one he was expecting… or had hoped for." She admits, shame burning through her veins, "We've had this discussion before, you know I started drinking again when they got married - how we ignored that fucking red flag I'll never understand; Tommy sent me back to rehab and I guess we both thought I'd gotten it all out of my system, Nikki and the booze." She clarifies, "of course he knows I'm always gonna love Nikki in some way, but I guess we've both been trying to ignore it, just sort of thinking its mostly in the past. God I'm a fucking asshole, it sounds so selfish, to just proclaim I'm no good for my family and leave."

"I'm not leaving," she adds in a hurry, "I'd never abandon them, but I think I need to talk to Tommy." 

The wind goes quiet and the sun peaks through the clouds, through the leaves of the trees, warming Lola like a hand on her shoulder.

"I never wanted to hurt him," Lola sniffles, "and I have no fucking clue what I'm gonna tell the girls." She admits, "and I'm so scared they're gonna grow up to hate me, even though I'm trying to do what's best for them. Liss thinks her dad hangs the stars in the sky; she'd never forgive me if I made him sad." She's crying now, hunched over with her head in her hands, "I just want us to be happy again; all I want is for Tommy to be happy, and for our girls to be safe and loved, that's all I've ever wanted, I swear, Charlie."

[brownskinsugarplum76]

The New Girl, Part 1

I'm going to hijack something else from you today, @m-faithfull. 😁 I saw you post this pic a little while back, and I was itching to write for it. Here you go, a leonine Robert going in for the kill. 😬 Just felt like making him a little more forward this time around.

Thanks to @starchild0985 for the argument idea a while ago, and thanks to @firethatgrewsolow for the sanity check on the emotional stuff. ❤️❤️❤️

Not smut yet, but there are "adult undertones." 😎

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You round the corner with the food cart and hear them before you see them: the blaring radio and the boisterous, British-accented speech. And then there's a fearsome, metallic crash--a large, glass something, likely hurled into trash can.

You park across from the doorway, look into the room, and take a deep breath. It's your first night on the job, your first time serving a bunch of rock stars and their entourage. You've heard the stories and know that anything is possible in the green room: arguments, fist fights, food fights, hasty sex, even musicians too drunk or high to perform. But it's not just anxiety about the possible mood in the room that gives you pause. You are a huge Led Zeppelin fan, and you are as ashamed about your pink polyester work dress as you are excited to meet the young legends. You've daydreamed about meeting Robert, in particular, but certainly never under these circumstances.

You're glad to have had time to pull your copy of Led Zeppelin IV out of your locker while no one was looking and stash it on the bottom shelf of the cart, hidden behind the long, white tablecloth. An autographed vinyl would be a happy memory of the night, even if everything else went crazy.

Bonzo starts talking, and you realize things are not as jovial as you'd hoped.

"All I'm saying, Perce, is less talk between songs!" Bonzo's voice is colored with exasperation. "We both know damn well that you're just scanning the crowd to skim the finest birds off the top for yourself, innit?"

You're not sure if you should make your way into the room or stay out of the fray for a while. Since no one has noticed you yet, you decide to watch what happens next.

"How do you mean, Bonzo?" Robert's voice has all of the charm you'd expect to hear, but you don't know if his soothing tone will be enough to defuse the situation.

"All I'm doing," Robert continues, "is showing love and gratitude to the audience and setting the scene for you lot to release the sturm und drang, as it were."

"Fucking hell, Robert. Admit it, that's not the release you're most worried about! The crowds are bigger than in Birmingham, but you haven't changed your horny bastard ways one bit, matey…"

"It seems the song does indeed remain the same," Jimmy muses with a chuckle.

"I'm just surprised he ain't have a knee trembler onstage yet. G, Pagey, you're really lucky he didn't hump a pillar when you came to check him out back then. That's the sort of bollocks that I don't miss from this one." He frowns and takes a huge sip of his beer.

It seems this story is new to Jimmy and G, the imposing man you understand to be the manager. Both men exchange glances and shake their heads.

"Fuck it all!" Robert uncrosses his arms and picks up a cigarette package and lighter from the table. "Don't believe me, then." He turns his back on his critics and lights a cigarette.

You get a glimpse of his pout and his elegant fingers, marveling at how cute he looks when he's upset. Somehow this vision has neutralized any red flags raised by Bonzo's stories. You don't know why you can excuse Robert for things that would make you cold to anyone else. You are a little wary, but you know any objections you have left could be swept away with something as light as his sinful whisper in your ear, the brush of his lips against your neck, and the feathery touch of his fingers on your bud.

You are in danger of slipping deep into fantasy and decide to enter the room now to save yourself. Part of you wants to get your work over with, get your autographs, stargaze at the band and leave, but part of you wants to offer whatever comfort you can to the grumpy Robert before your eyes--just about anything he'd ask for.

Everyone else has moved on in a few different conversations. This ends up being a lucky occurrence for Robert, who is still sulking alone and notices you first.

He drops the hand with the cigarette by his side while he familiarizes himself with you. Then he lets loose with a dazzling smile.

G, the rest of the band, and the others in the room focus on you a beat later, while Robert quickly stubs out his cigarette in an ashtray. "And food saves the day. Your timing is impeccable, darlin'. Allow me to be your knight in denim and help you with that cart." He sidles up to you and rests one hand on your shoulder and the other on top of your hand. He winks at you, and you step aside so he can move the cart.

You drink in the sparkly, mostly open button-down that is hanging off of his broad shoulders, thankful that it ends just above the bulge in his jeans that won't be denied, so you can sneak a peek.

He is every bit as flirtatious as you've gleaned from the radio interviews. You get the impression that he doesn't mind the uniform you're wearing, that he's looking way past it in his mind, that he'd still flirt with you if you were wearing a potato sack. It is both a relief and something that leaves your stomach jittery.

"Our wonderful caterer…" he stares for a long time at the general region of your name tag, licks his lips, and relays your name with a wicked grin, "has brought the real food. Orange juice for Jimmy? And sandwiches and crisps for the rest of us. No need to gorge on three-day-old bananas anymore… Although there's one aged almost 25 years that's highly recommended, if you're into that sort of thing…" Robert murmurs the last part for your ears only.

You blush and are stunned by his boldness, but you get your bearings quickly, realizing things will be as out of control as you anticipated. You can't deny that you would love to spend some time alone with Robert, and you're ready to see what other bold moves he has in store.

You steady yourself to throw some of your own boldness his way. "Well, they are good for you--delicious and incredibly filling… And I do like them ripe, personally, so…" You reply just as softly and gaze into his eyes.

Inside of the stare, the two of you are zapped by a mutual, high-voltage flash of interest. Your heart races, and your body throbs.

"Prime example, this is!" Bonzo interjects from the couch. "Percy Plant plucking another flower for himself!"

"Not now, Bonzo," Robert mutters, still looking into your eyes.

You blink rapidly, realizing all eyes are on you. "Sorry… It's my first night here… I-- I've got to set these things out," you stammer to Robert. You want him, but to have things so very obviously play out in front of so many people… A curtain of shame weighs heavy on the lust that has engulfed your body.

Before you can pick up the tray of sandwiches, Robert steps in. "Allow me, love." He notices your conflicting emotions and removes all of the food from the cart for you. You're glad for his help because you feel lightheaded. The last thing you need to do is drop a tray of food on your first night and draw the ire of the rambunctious group.

"What's this, then?" Robert has peeked under the tablecloth and has found your record. "Fancy some autographs from us heathens?" He holds up the album for everyone to see.

"One of my favorites. I must commend your good taste." Jimmy's tip of his glass to you and his friendly words lighten your tension. Your thank-you to him is for his compliment as much as it is for the lifeline to normalcy that he has thrown.

Robert places a hand on your shoulder. "You know what? I'll let the rest of the lads sign first. You look like you could use some help getting this cart back where it belongs, yeah?"

You get the sense that Robert genuinely wants to blot out your embarrassment, but you know that he has other, wolfish desires alongside his altruism. You're okay with that, and you don't question why.

"That would be great." A weak smile grows stronger on your face as you think of how exciting a stolen moment with Robert will be.

"Yes, allow me to drive this for you then?" He begins to push the cart to the door.

"Thirty minutes until showtime, Robert," G calls out, knowing he won't return right away.

Robert doesn't respond to G but does motion for you to join him in the hall. You tell him which way to turn. You're back to bursting with excitement again as you leave the room in the distance.

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The rest of my stories are here, or search for the hashtag #brownskinsugarplumlibrary.